#and since there was no pharmacy in the boarding section of the airport and i forgot my calming meds at home like an idiot | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

unfolded73 · 5 years ago

Text

How Do We Get Back (10/16) - schitt’s creek ff

Summary: In a literal alternate universe where the Roses escaped financial ruin, David and Patrick struggle with loneliness and a sense that something isn’t right. A chance meeting in New York and a terrible tragedy drive them to question whether the timeline they are on is the right one.

Rated explicit. This chapter 4.4k words. (ao3)

Finally a familiar setting makes an appearance... (again, all text below the cut due to story spoilers)

_____________________________________

Chapter 10

While he didn’t have a lot of experience in his life doing walks of shame, Patrick felt like going downstairs in the Rose house the morning after Alexis’ funeral in yesterday’s clothes would have to rank as pretty bad on anyone’s list. He’d left his luggage in the car, so he pulled his wrinkled shirt and pants back on and snuck down the spiral staircase. The goal was to find someone to ask where his car was so that he could get his toothbrush and a change of clothes.

Fortunately, the Rose family didn’t seem to be awake, and a nice woman in the kitchen showed him where to go to get into his car. He was back upstairs and in the shower before David had even woken up, although by the time Patrick had shaved and dressed and brushed his teeth, David had started to stir.

“God, I slept for twelve hours,” David said, looking at his phone.

“You probably needed it.”

“I don’t know how I would have gotten through yesterday if you hadn’t come,” David said. “So thank you.” He got out of bed and pulled a pair of sweatpants out of his armoire.

“You’re welcome.”

“And listen, if in the cold light of morning, you regret asking me to come home with you—”

“I don’t regret asking you to come home with me,” Patrick said, his hands going into his pockets. “Do you regret saying yes?”

“No,” David said, rocking on his heels as they regarded each other across the room. David finally broke the tension, moving past Patrick into the bathroom and picking up his toothbrush. “So did you have a return flight booked already?”

Patrick nodded “Yeah, for tomorrow? I wasn’t really sure, I thought about booking it for today, but—”

“No, tomorrow works. I’ll see if I can get a seat on the same flight.”

“You know, David, I flew economy.”

David’s head whipped around and he grimaced in the midst of brushing his teeth, making a drop of toothpaste foam run down his chin. “I’ll also see if I can upgrade you.”

When they ventured downstairs to get something to eat, David’s father was sitting at the kitchen table, flipping through a photo album. Patrick hadn’t gotten a good look at him the day before, so he was struck for the first time by the dramatic resemblance between father and son. They even styled their hair similarly, swept up off their foreheads, although the elder Rose’s hair was shot through with grey. He was also struck by the fact that the man was wearing a suit at such an early hour in his own kitchen. Perhaps he was one of those people who always wore a suit, no matter the occasion.

“Oh, David, I didn’t…” He paused, registering the presence of a stranger in his house. “... didn’t think you would be up so early.”

“I cried myself to sleep at seven o’clock last night,” David said, opening the refrigerator.

Since David didn’t seem inclined to introduce him, Patrick went over and held out his hand. “Hi, Mr. Rose, I’m Patrick Brewer. I’m a friend of David’s.”

“Nice to meet you, Patrick.” Johnny Rose stood up and took Patrick’s hand; his handshake was firm as he looked back and forth between Patrick and David, probably trying to figure out what ‘friend’ meant.

“It was a lovely service yesterday,” Patrick said, automatically shifting into politeness. “I’m very sorry for your loss.” Patrick figured he’d probably been told ‘sorry for your loss’ enough to last several lifetimes, but he didn’t know what else to say.

“Ah, well, thank you. Did you know Alexis?”

“I only met her once,” Patrick said.

David pulled a large, half-eaten fruit tray out of the refrigerator, presumably leftover from yesterday, and began picking through it. “I’m going to go out of town for a few days,” David announced with a suddenness that made Patrick wince.

“What, now? Why?” Johnny said.

“I need to get out of this house. I need to get out of New York.”

“David, you can’t just abandon your family when you’re needed! Your mother, in particular, needs you to be here.”

“Okay, my mother was on so many pills yesterday at the funeral that I’m not convinced she even knew I was there,” David said, meeting his father’s anger with a wellspring of his own. “And look, I get it: I’m tempted to swallow half a pharmacy and wash it down with a liter of vodka right now too. Which is part of the reason that I need to get away from here. Just for a week or so.”

Patrick hadn’t realized any of that, and he felt a surge of sympathy for David that nearly brought him to his knees. He was also aware that this was a private family interaction that he definitely shouldn’t be witnessing, so he tried to shrink back against the wall and be as unobtrusive as possible.

Johnny sank back down into his chair, the fight drained out of him. “Okay, David, if that’s what you need. Where are you going?”

David turned to Patrick. “Where are we going?”

“Umm, it’s a town called Oak Grove. It’s about four and a half hours northwest of Toronto.”

“Four and a half hours!” David said, looking annoyed by that fact.

“Second thoughts?” Patrick asked him.

David tried and failed not to smile. “No. Just reconsidering my playlist for the trip, that’s all.”

Johnny was scrutinizing Patrick now, probably upgrading him from ‘friend’ to ‘man who is stealing my son away from me at the worst possible time.’ “And what’s there?” Johnny asked.

Patrick laughed uncomfortably. “Nothing. It’s my home.”

“It’s a quiet place where I can deal with stuff,” David said. “Okay?”

“You need to talk to your mother before you go, at least,” Johnny said, resigned.

“I will,” David snapped. “You and Mom could do the same thing, you know. Get away somewhere. You don’t have to stay here in this house that’s filled with memories of Alexis as a little girl.”

Johnny looked at David with sad eyes. “The memories are a comfort to me right now. You may want to forget, David, but right now, all I can bear to do is remember.”

~*~

“I’m leaving for the airport in half an hour!” David called to his mother through her locked bedroom door. He’d been busy the day before, dragging Patrick with him into the city to collect his personal belongings from the gallery (the realtor was going to be showing it to prospective tenants the following week, he’d been told) and to get some clothes and books that he wanted from his apartment. Having Patrick with him through that whole process, it helped. Particularly at the gallery, where Patrick kept up a steady stream of gentle teasing about the art which probably should have pissed David off, but it helped put everything in perspective as he locked up and walked away from that space for what was probably the last time.

It would have been easier to just spend the night at his apartment in Chelsea and get an Uber to the airport the following morning, but he still hadn’t spoken to his mother and he felt like he owed her that before he left town. So they went all the way back to the house even though it meant getting up even earlier to make it to JFK in time to board their flight. And then Moira refused to make an appearance all evening, making the whole trip pointless.

Finally now, when David was bleary-eyed from too little sleep (he’d shared his bed with Patrick again, but his lack of sleep stemmed from nightmares and not from anything remotely sexual), Moira opened the door.

“You’re leaving,” she said flatly, her eyes accusing him.

“For a few days, yes. Just to get my head together.”

“And who is this man that your father tells me you’re traveling with? What right does he have to abscond with you in the family’s hour of need?”

David was grateful that Patrick was already outside, packing the rental car. “He’s a friend who traveled a very long way to be with me when he heard what happened to Alexis. He’s the only person in my life who offered to do something like that for me. The only one, and I…” David felt tears rising to the surface again, and he didn’t want to cry right now. He was so tired of crying. “I don’t know why, but I need this. You and Dad have each other, and I need this.”

“You can’t escape grief by running, David,” she said, suddenly more lucid than he’d seen her all week.

“I can try.”

~*~

JFK was a crazy place at the best of times, with its security lines doubling back on themselves endlessly, an entire cross-section of America packed into the rows. Then came the infinitely long concourses, bright yellow lighted signage casting a sickly pallor over everything, people movers broken up at regular intervals that made it impossible to adjust to the speed at which the stores on either side rushed by: slow-fast-slow-fast.

Today it was crazier than usual.

Literal hare krishnas had accosted them between the rental car return and the departures level, trying to shove flowers and pamphlets into their hands, and David couldn’t remember if he’d ever seen that happen in real life or if it was just something he knew about from movies. Patrick apologized for refusing what they were offering as he and David dodged them, their rolling suitcases clacking over the floor.

Then, weirder still, there were protesters (he assumed they were protesters, but he honestly wasn’t sure) being arrested en masse in the check-in area; at least two dozen men and women on their knees, surrounded by police, white zip-tie restraints around their wrists.

“What the hell is going on?” David asked.

“I don’t know, I haven’t looked at the news in days,” Patrick said, concern evident on his face.

While he stood at the ticket counter and waited for Patrick to check them in, David opened twitter, searching ‘airport protest’ ‘JFK protest’ and ‘#JFK’, only pausing to hand over his passport when Patrick nudged him and asked for it. Twitter told him nothing useful, so next David tried scrolling through the news, looking for some clue about what was happening. He noticed a story that indicated LAX had been shut down the day before, but before he could click on it, Patrick was steering him away from the counter. David liked how Patrick was taking control of everything. Airports made him anxious under the best of circumstances, and all of this weirdness and his exhaustion was making it worse.

“Where are you going?” Patrick asked when David started to get into the TSA precheck line.

David frowned at him. “Going through security.” Duh.

Patrick was looking at the board passes. “You don’t have precheck.”

“Uhhh, yes I do. I have Global Entry.”

“Maybe it expired,” Patrick said, steering him into the regular security line.

By the time David had endured the indignity of being forced to remove his shoes and letting his socks touch the airport floor, the protesters were forgotten. At least he’d managed to upgrade them to first class, David thought as they finally took their seats on the plane.

“I’ve never flown first class before,” Patrick said, letting his not-very-long legs stretch out as far as they would go. It was adorable, David thought.

“I mean if you have to fly commercial, it’s an absolute requirement. Although it won’t be very impressive for a flight this short. Let me take you to Japan and then you’ll see what first class really is,” David said.

Patrick raised his eyebrows. “You want to take me to Japan?”

David squeezed his eyes shut and let his head fall back against the headrest, not answering. He was so tired. Airport anxiety and lack of sleep and grief were a toxic cocktail in his system, and he wasn’t sure if he was going to scream at a flight attendant or burst into tears in the next thirty seconds, but it was likely that one of those things was going to happen.

He felt Patrick’s fingers brush the palm of his hand and then he threaded their fingers together. “Is there anything I can get you, David?”

Oh, okay. Crying it was, then. David shook his head, eyes still closed, aware that a tear was leaking out of the corner of his eye, in full view of Patrick and everyone filing past them into economy class.

He felt Patrick’s other hand settle over their clasped ones, and Patrick didn’t say anything, he just sat there and held David’s hand. David couldn’t remember the last time anyone had held his hand, and that thought made more tears flow.

“I’m sorry,” David whispered, because he knew he was being embarrassing.

“How about we put a moratorium right now on you apologizing for expressing sadness. Okay?”

David nodded, wiping at his eyes. “Okay.”

~*~

“So this is your car,” David said, standing in the Toronto airport’s remote parking lot, aware that his lip was curling with disdain at Patrick’s sensible Toyota.

“Yep,” Patrick said, muscling David’s suitcase into the trunk. “What did you expect?”

David sighed. “This. I expected this.”

He settled into the passenger seat and closed his eyes, trying to reclaim the fitful sleep he’d found on the plane, but his eyes kept popping open. Shifting around to try to get comfortable, David looked over and watched Patrick maneuver them onto the highway for what was evidently going to be a long drive. “What was it like, growing up so far away from the nearest airport?” David asked.

“Well, there’s Sudbury Airport, but it’s expensive to fly anywhere from there—”

“I meant so far from an international airport,” David said. He still hadn’t really wrapped his head around the fact that when Patrick said a thing was expensive, it meant something very different than when David said something was expensive.

Patrick shrugged. “I didn’t really travel much, so it wasn’t something I thought about.”

Shaking his head, David shut his eyes again. “We’re so different,” he whispered.

He must have fallen asleep after all, because the next thing he knew, the car was stopped. The driver’s seat was empty, but he could see Patrick standing beside the car, filling it with gas. His sleeves were pushed up, and the sight of his bare forearm through the window made a frisson of desire shoot up David’s spine.

Patrick got back in the car and cranked the engine.

“Where are we?” David asked.

“Elmdale.”

“I’ve never heard of any of these places. I think you’re making them up.” David huffed. “Where’s Elmdale?”

Patrick smirked at him. “It’s about a half hour from Schitt’s Creek.”

“Now I know you’re making them up.”

Laughing, Patrick put the car in gear. “I lived in Schitt’s Creek for six months. I assure you, it’s real.”

“Why on earth would you live in a place called…” David trailed off, the name poised behind his teeth. It was triggering a long buried memory.

“Schitt’s Creek?” Patrick supplied.

“Yeah, no… sorry, it just reminded me of something my dad did when I was a kid. Said he’d bought me a town with a disgusting name like that.”

Patrick’s eyes were wide, although he was carefully watching the road as he drove out of the gas station parking lot. “Your dad bought you a town?”

“I don’t think he actually bought the town. It was a dumb joke.”

“Okay.”

“I’m hungry,” David said. “Let’s go see this shitty creek place where you used to live and get some food.”

“There’s better food here in Elmdale,” Patrick said, signaling a left turn.

“I want to see where you lived when you ran away from the heterosexual prison of your childhood.”

“It wasn’t a— Why?”

David threw his hands up. “I don’t know!” He didn’t know. He just had a sudden feeling that it was important. “Is it in the wrong direction?”

“Kind of. Not, like, the opposite direction, but it will make the trip longer.”

“Does Schitt’s Creek have a restaurant?”

“It has a café where the food is moderately edible,” Patrick said, stopping at a stop light. “You really want to go there?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Patrick said, his voice pitched high on the word. He switched his turn signal off and when the light changed, drove straight through the intersection.

When David got bored with the repetitive landscape of trees and farmland, he pulled out his phone, opening Instagram. It took a few seconds of scrolling before he realized he was looking for an update from Alexis. She’d called it proof of life once, he remembered, posting a selfie so that David would be reassured that she was safe.

He went to her Instagram and scrolled through the pictures. He wondered if he should try to have her accounts taken down, or if it was better to leave them up until the companies behind them went under, a monument to the life of Alexis Rose.

“Since we’re here, I should show you the town sign,” Patrick said, the car slowing down as he pulled over on the side of the road.

David shut his phone screen off and looked up. “The what?”

“Come on,” Patrick said, taking off his seat belt and getting out of the car. Uncertain what was happening, David did the same, and looked up.

“Oh my God.”

Patrick chuckled. “I know.”

“Oh my God.”

“I never found out what the story was behind this, and at this point I think I prefer not knowing.” Patrick reached his arms up over his head and stretched, twisting his torso back and forth.

“‘Where everyone fits in’? The slogan makes it so much worse.” He stared at the woman who was bent over in the picture, holding a bucket over the stream she and the man were wading in. She certainly seemed happy, and not at all put out by being fucked in the ass by the guy behind her, as it appeared was happening in this insane painting.

“I heard kids drive here from all over to get pictures with the sign. So maybe it’s good for local businesses.”

“But at what cost?” David said, kicking at loose gravel as he stood next to Patrick’s car. Then he shuddered, a full body shudder that took him by surprise. Someone just walked over your grave, mijo, Adelina used to say.

“You okay?” Patrick asked.

David held his hand out and touched the tall grass that had grown at the side of the road, dry and dormant from the receding winter. Sunshine hit each rustling blade, making each of them individually glow, too perfectly yellow to be real.

“David?”

“Yeah.” He withdrew his hand. “This place feels… do you feel it? Too real. Hyperreal.”

“Hyperreal?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. Magical. It feels magical.” And then he blushed, because that was a very stupid thing to say.

“Maybe that’s why people like the sign,” Patrick said, teasing him.

David didn’t mind being teased. “Maybe if I go up and touch the sign, I’ll be transported to another time in history.”

Patrick laughed. “Oh man, Rachel loves that show.”

“She is correct,” David said, trying not to think too hard about Patrick’s sexually frustrated wife getting what little satisfaction she could out of watching Outlander. He shook himself to dispel his little flight of fancy; he probably just wasn’t used to seeing this much nature at one time, and it was making him loopy. Opening his car door, he flopped back into his seat. “You said there was a café?”

~*~

“This is the ugliest fucking place I’ve ever seen,” David proclaimed.

Patrick stopped the car in a parking space in front of Café Tropical and got out. “Yeah, it’s not the most picturesque downtown.” He looked around at it and imagined seeing it through David’s eyes: the cracking pavement and the boarded up general store. The lack of even the smallest effort by the town’s government to clean up the trash on the side of the road or to even plant a few flowers. It was no wonder David hated it on sight. “Come on, let’s get something to eat.”

The café was deserted, perhaps because it was four in the afternoon — too late for lunch but too early for dinner, and perhaps because it was one of the few places left in what passed for a downtown that was still open, other than Bob’s Garage. David paused inside the door as if a hostess was going to come and seat them, but Patrick knew that wasn’t how the café worked. He made his way directly over to a booth and sat down, David following him.

Twyla emerged from the back, menus in her arms, and she stopped and exclaimed when she saw Patrick. “Patrick! I thought you moved away! What are you doing back in town?”

“Just passing through,” he said, taking one of the menus she handed him and grinning as David reacted to the size of them. “This is David Rose.”

Twyla smiled, her sunny disposition lighting up the place like always. “Nice to meet you, David. I’m Twyla, and I’ll be your server. Can I get you guys something to drink?”

“Just water for me,” Patrick said. David ordered coffee — well, first he tried to order a macchiato but when Twyla didn’t know what that was, he ordered coffee.

David gave him a horrified look. “These menus—”

“I know.”

“You lived here?”

“Yes,” Patrick said evenly, feeling self conscious. “You’re the one who wanted to come here.”

David twisted up his face and looked back down at the menu. “What’s safe to order?”

“Umm, the turkey sandwich is okay,” Patrick said.

David flipped the pages of the menu back and forth, his brow furrowed. “I’m getting the weirdest sense of déjà vu.”

“About the menu?”

He stopped fidgeting with the menu and looked around at the other booths and tables and the garishly painted walls. “About this whole place. If I didn’t know better, I would swear I’ve been here before.”

“My grandmother thought it was because Schitt’s Creek is a liminal space,” Twyla said, making David jump as she put their drinks on the table. “Are you ready to order?”

Patrick ordered the turkey sandwich. David crossed his arms over his chest. “What is a liminal space?”

“She used to say that there was usually a solid barrier between different dimensions, but that here the barrier is as thin as tissue paper. She would tell me that if I concentrated hard enough, I might be able to see a shadow of something from a parallel universe in this one.”

“Okay,” Patrick said, trying to put a stop to Twyla’s rambling. He liked Twyla, but her stories could be a bit unhinged. “David, did you decide what you wanted to eat?”

David ignored him. “A shadow,” he said to Twyla.

“Yeah. Also, she told me that she could summon small objects from other universes to this one.”

David met Patrick’s eyes briefly as he suppressed a smile. “Oh, really?”

Twyla wasn’t oblivious to their skepticism. “I know, I didn’t really believe her either. But that’s what she claimed! One time she lost an earring, and told us all that she summoned a replacement from a parallel dimension!”

“Or maybe she just found the missing earring,” Patrick said.

Twyla smiled. “Yeah, that’s probably it. Anyway,” she said, turning back to David. “What can I get you?”

David ordered a salad, and Twyla collected their menus and disappeared.

“She’s very… colorful,” David said.

“Yeah. Twyla’s a character. Always cheerful, even when she’s talking about some seriously dark stuff from her childhood.”

“Like stories about her crazy grandmother?”

“Usually about the men her mother brought home,” Patrick clarified, which David answered with a sympathetic cringe.

The food they were eventually brought barely lived up to Patrick’s earlier ‘moderately edible’ characterization, but he got David to smile and even laugh a few times, and that made this detour more than worth it. After the plates were cleared, Patrick ordered a coffee to go along with David’s third cup, and they lingered in the booth, talking about nothing: music and TV shows and the transcendental perfection of a good grilled cheese sandwich.

After they walked out of the diner, instead of going back to Patrick’s car, something caught David’s eye and he crossed the street. Patrick followed him, stopping beside him next to one of the windows of the empty general store, where David was peering inside.

“What?” Patrick asked him.

David was quiet for a few seconds before answering. “I don’t know. This place…” He put his hand up on the glass. “There’s something about it.”

Now it was Patrick’s turn to shiver, because he’d felt the same way when he’d moved here. The general store used to catch his eye every time he went to the café, like something from inside had called out to him, just outside the range of his hearing.

Shaking himself from some kind of reverie, David turned to Patrick and raised an eyebrow. “You have brought us to a very creepy place, Patrick.”

Patrick pinched his lips together, refraining from pointing out once more that David was the one who had wanted to come here. “So let’s get back on the road.”

David’s shoulders slumped. “How much longer?”

Pulling out his phone and looking at the time, Patrick responded, “I guess we’ll get there by eight.”

“It’s just, the thought of more driving is making me want to lie down and cry.”

“I was doing all the driving, David,” Patrick said, struggling to be patient with David’s mood.

“I know, I’m sorry.” David had enough self-awareness to look chagrined. “I’m just exhausted.”

Patrick took a second to remind himself what David was going through and he took a deep breath. “My friend runs the motel in town; we could spend the night there. Although I’ll warn you, it’s pretty run down.”

David squinted at him. “So like everywhere else in this town, then.”

Chuckling, Patrick took his hand and led him back to the car. “Pretty much.”

Chapter 11

#schitt's creek #schitt's creek ff #david x patrick #david x patrick ff #david x patrick fic #hdwgb fic #my fic

16 notes · View notes

hungergames-fanfic · 6 years ago

Text

Half Human, Half Squirrel pt.2

“Littleburg used to have another name before the games. Ms. Gullard told us last year. She says it used to be the Capitol of Texas, one of the previous states formin’ the United States of America, which we now call Panem”, I say. Ari stares at me with her mouth open.

“You ever been to actual Littleburg?”, I ask. She shakes her head. I’m not surprised, this is where all the rich folk live and everything is too expensive. “Our school is right outside of Littleburg. This is the only elementary in all of District 10”, I add. Daddy says that’s how the government keeps track of us but I don’t tell Ari this, I aint tryna explain 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.

“that’s why it’s so big?”, Ari jumps off her seat with her hands in the air. Daddy asks her to sit down. That’s cause peacekeepers are really mean here and will stop anybody. Momma Bilmin calls it abuse of power and to never ask them for help.

Cause the peacekeepers usually pick on people who look poor, to go to Littleburg we have to dress nice. Momma Bilmin combed our hair really tight into a braid and put a cowboy hat on Ari. I think it’s to hide how skinny she really looks with her hair tamed. Momma Bilmin then turned one of my yellow dresses inside out, sew it in a couple of places and made it fit Ari. She looks so pretty and hasn’t stopped smiling since. She says I look pretty in my dress too.

Driving past our school, daddy keeps going until we reach local stores. These are old, small and a lot cheaper than those deeper in Littleburg. Passing these we start to see forests and pretty green trees down the long road. He makes a lot of sharp turns I don’t pay attention to the way Ari does. She sits on her knees, looking out the window in awe. I don’t blame her. Bloques is nothing like this, aunt Lucia calls it “one big shantytown” cause the houses are so close together there aren’t that many trees.

“Look Dora”, daddy points at some ruins.

Behind a chain link fence is a completely destroyed building scattered all over a long road. The engines and wings remind me of a plane I once saw in a book about traveling. There were so many versions of planes that I spent a whole week reading just about them. “Airport?”, I gasp excitedly. I jump off my seat and join Ari at the window. “That one!”, I point at a blue and yellow plane underneath a run down hangar. “That’s a Boeing 757, that was the first largest single isle passenger plane for a very long time. Oh!”, I point at a lost wing with a jet engine holding it off the ground, “that must of been an Airbus, those were made in a country named France” I continue.

“Dora”, daddy interrupts. He says I’m not to talk about what I’ve learned beyond Panem. “Won’t do you any good to get smart, these fields are yours, this’s what you need to focus on”, he said once.

Soon, there’s not that many trees surrounding the road, it’s stores all over the area. “Pocco’s Footwear”, “Family Donuts”, “Brie’s Electronics”, and “DDDD Insurance” are some of the names on them. Behind these are neighborhoods of houses like mine. These are made of red brick with backyards. “They’re connected to the poles, they carry electricity throughout the neighborhood”, I point at the power lines.

In no time, the roads get bigger and everyone is driving faster. “These are highways and they take us to different sections of Littleburg”, I continue. Up on one of the ramps we’re able to see a big pretty building out in the distance. “That’s Spring Hills, middle and high school but you gotta be accepted to it. Momma wants me to go there next year”, I whisper to Ari. She doesn’t say anything back but looks sad. I wish I could read her mind. Maybe I could. Maybe there’s a book on reading minds.

“Daddy will there be a book store where we’re goin’?”, I ask.

“No more books, you got enough at home”, he says.

“Momma Bilmin says there can never be enough books”, I say but nothing more when I catch his eyes on me in the rear view mirror.

Off the highway he drives into a big parking lot, surrounding it are stores scattered all around. A gas station at the entrance corner, an ice cream shop in the middle of the lot, stores connected together but with signs that say what they sell. “PBS Pharmacy”, “Make U Smile Dental”, “Petstore”, a huge one named “Bullseye” and more that are too far away to read.

“Wow, can we go there”, Ari asks pointing at the pet store. We look at daddy, he says “no”, and heads for the pharmacy. He looks tired.

“Why does he sleep on the sofa?”, Ari whispers in my ear so he won’t hear. I look at her confused. Daddy doesn’t sleep on the sofa, he sleeps with momma. If he did, was it cause of what happened last night?

I don’t notice how hot it is outside until we walk into the pharmacy. A blast of cold air hits us when the door opens making Ari scream and laugh. Even though her scream scared me a little, it’s still funny and I laugh with her. Daddy looks back at us with a smile on his face. I don’t have to read his mind to know he found it funny too.

Not wanting to lose daddy I take Ari’s hand and pull her along with me. She holds on tighter. He walks a lot faster than us so we practically jog to him. We pass a couple of isles before Ari stops running and pulls on my arm. Not wanting to lose daddy, “go, I’m gonna see where he goes and come back”, I inform.

Daddy stands in the middle of an isle, on the shelves are a lot of plain gray boxes. “Earwax Remover”, “Eye Drops”, “Antiseptic Cream”.

“Lice Remover?”, I ask scratching my head.

Daddy looks down at me with a weird look on his face. He looks mad, confused, I can’t tell and I really wish I could. In his hand are two rectangular boxes that say just that. Without a word, he pushes me and we walk out the isle in search for Ari. We find her on the floor playing with a rubber chicken, making it scream when she presses on it. She giggles every time.

“Stay here, I’m gonna go talk to the pharmacist”, daddy says just before he walks off like he remembered something he’d forgot.

The chicken continues to squeal and Ari screams in giggles. Can’t forget how loud she is when she’s having fun. To keep her company I look around the toy isle until one catches my eye. It’s not really a toy but a board game, to play you need about three people, that could be Efrain, Ari and me. The instructions say that you are given a word and then you have to act it out. Who ever guesses it wins a point. Or something along those lines. I want it and I’m too excited to wait for daddy to come back to tell him. I tell Ari to wait and run around the store looking for daddy, whom I find at the back talking to an old man.

“Good news, the vaccines you ordered will be here in a couple of days”, says the old man looking at his computer screen.

“That ain’t what I’m here for”, daddy chuckles like he’s nervous. Momma says it’s rude to interrupt people when they’re talking so I run back to Ari to see if there’s a toy she’d want too. I’m sure if we beg him just enough he’d get it for us.

When I return to the isle she’s no longer there. I run to the opposite end and spot her jumping in and out the store, playing with the automatic doors. “I leave for one second”, that’s what I wanna say when I catch her and run after her who takes it like a challenge. She spots me and screams, then proceeds to giggle away. If daddy finds out we left the store he’s not gonna let me see tonight.

Outside she runs giggling her heart out past the store fronts until she suddenly stops. I know what she’s looking at, it’s the pet store. That’s where she wanted to go when we got here. She walks inside with a look of awe in her face. I follow her in and take her hand pulling her closer to me. That’s the last time I let her out of my sight.

“Ari, you can’t do that”, I say out of breath.

“Ari? Ari-elle. It’s like you wanna say my name but some stop you”, she swings our hands. I never noticed how short she is. With the hat she looks a little taller but is still obviously short. I put my hand close to her forehead and measure her. She reaches my chin in height. She giggles to this but says nothing.

“You don’t like it? Been callin’ you that in my head for a minute. Not sure when I started”, I admit.

She giggles and gives me a hug, “no one’s ever given me a nickname before. Well momma calls me chipmunk”, “I knew it!”, I scream in her face. She jumps and opens her eyes wide. I ain’t tryna admit I thought of her as a squirrel, “I knew they called you some cute, it suits you cause you’re... cute too” my lie suddenly feels like it turns true and I freeze hoping she doesn’t say anything.

“You think I’m cute?”, Ari asks. She bats her eyes and smiles but it looks made up, like she’s happy and sad at the same time. She’s turning pink. Still holding on to my hand, she barely pulls on me but I still follow.

The isle she walks to is like a bookshelf for fish tanks. Colorful fish swim around in groups with pretty rocks and castles in their tanks. In one there are about a hundred swimming the same direction until Ari knocks the tank making them swim away. The fun is back on her face. In no time we’ve roamed around the entire pet store. From looking at individual colorful fish swim around in a small container to puppies play fighting with each other in a big glass case. We even get to pet a bunny when Ari opens up a cage that hasn’t been locked. The bunny falls asleep while I pet it. I want it, I want all of the animals in here. Daddy would say we’ve got enough animals at home though. Daddy? I gasp catching Ari’s attention.

“Ari, we gotta go”, I say pulling on her hand. By now I’m sure daddy’s stopped talking to the old man and is waiting for us with an unpleased look on his face. To be in trouble scares me and I’m almost too scared to go back.

Hiding my feelings we return to the pharmacy and walk to the back but daddy ain’t there. Quickly I call out for him and run around the entire place. Ari’s close behind still holding on to my hand really tight. I go back to the toy isle, he’s not here. I go back to the isle he got the lice remover from, he’s not here. I walk up to the counter and ask the cashier, she doesn’t look older than Eduardo, she pops her pink bubble gum and leans closer to us, looking at us back and forth.

“Y’all lookin’ for the tall cowboy with the pretty braids?”, she asks twirling her hair with her finger.

“That’s my daddy, you seen him?”, I ask practically screaming at her. She sneers.

“Yeah, I seen him”, she says. I open my eyes wide and extend my arms in confusion. Is she gonna tell me where he went or not?

“He left lookin’ for y’all, almost walked out of here without payin’”, she smiles smacking her gum. “Too fine to pass the opportunity though, called him back“, she giggles still playing with her hair, “went headed to Bullseye”, she says pointing to said direction with her pinky finger.

“We need to make sure he hasn’t left”, I say to Ari running back to momma’s car. Here it looks like he came back and put his bags on the front seat before going out to find us. This makes me nervous. If daddy is actively searching then that means he’s gonna kill me when he finds us. I ain’t tryna look like a wuss though, so I keep my worries to myself.

“Look”, Ari says pointing at the ice cream shop in the middle of the parking lot. Next to it is a white peacekeeper vehicle. “Wanna ask’em?”, she pulls on my arm.

“No”, I say thinking about what momma Bilmin would do. “We should ask inside”, I add.

We actively ignore the peacekeepers, like they aren’t there but a big boring rock in their place. They notice us though and maybe there’s a look of worry in my face, that would explain why Ari hasn’t acted up in a minute. That or she’s just as scared of daddy.

“Aye kid, what’s up?”, one says. They’re both old but not too old, maybe younger than daddy. They wear their peacekeeper uniforms but have taken their helmets off to enjoy their ice cream.

“Y’all seen Mr. Wyetka? Got a cowboy hat on, really tall, really 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 tall, like this”, Ari says on her tip toes tryna draw a line way above her head. The peacekeepers laugh.

“Even the children?”, one says. “Y’all seen Mr. Doodah”, the other one mocks in a silly version of our accent. “Hey kid, look around, everyone’s got a damn cowboy hat on”, this makes the other one laugh and point at Ari and then his head, “It’s like everyone here is born with one”, he says making themselves laugh even harder. I hope they drop their ice cream.

“C’mon”, Ari says pulling me into the ice cream shop. “Hey mister, you seen-“, she’s interrupted by the man behind the counter.

“Hey kid ya daddy was just in here lookin’ for y’all”, he says.

“You seen where he went?”, Ari asks with excitement. The man shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. This scares me more. What if daddy gives up and goes home without us? What if he finds us and is super angry? How mad is he gonna be at me?

Back outside I can’t hold it anymore and start to cry so much my body moves like I got hiccups every time I gasp. Ari holds my hand the entire time. She hugs, says she’s sorry and begs me to stop crying. I want to but I can’t stop. I’ve lost daddy and he’s out here looking for me too. He’s gonna be so mad when he finds us. “If he ever does”, I think making myself feel worse.

“Maybe we should try Bullseye”, Ari says.

“That’s a really big store, we’d have better luck waitin’ for him outside”, I say through the sobs. Ari agrees and hugs me again, tells me that we’ll find him and when we do she’ll take the blame. I don’t want her to, even if it was her fault I wouldn’t want daddy to be mad at her.

Holding hands, we walk past store fronts asking for daddy but so far no one’s seen him. Back in the petstore the man behind the counter points to the Bullseye store direction. We automatically head there and plan to wait for him outside. Ari calls the plan a smart one.

“Excuse me mister”, Ari approaches a man sitting outside the store. He’s short, bald, and greasy. He sits in front of a table and looks to be selling watches. He doesn’t look too happy to be talked to.

“Go away!”, he snaps, “If you aint buyin’ get the fuck outta here, scarin’ away my customers”, he waves us off like flies.

Ari looks around, inside the store where people are walking in and out ignoring us and him. She turns to the parking lot where cars drive past not noticing us either. She looks at me and then at him, “what customers?”.

“I said get the fuck outta here you freaky little shit before I drop kick you to the moo-, hey-llo there, you tryna buy a nice watch? One for the wife? Present for momma? Friend?”, he goes from screaming his head off to suddenly being really nice.

Ari and me look at each other wide eyed. Slowly we turn around to see the tall man staring at the short bald man selling watches. Daddy stands outside the doors giving him a cold look. His arms folded. There’s no emotion on his face and he doesn’t say anything. Not to him, not to me. My heart beats fast and for a second I think he’s gonna hit me. He puts his hand on my back and pushes Ari and me towards the direction of the car. None of us says anything on our way and I’m trying my best not to cry anymore.

I look at Ari who looks very sad too. She stares at the floor and barely holds my hand. I know why she’s upset. That man back there called her a freak, she says everyone at school calls her that and she doesn’t like it. I tighten my grip on hers and it catches her attention. “You’re not a freak, Ari you’re just different”, I say leaving myself thoughtful, “in a way.. I’m different too”, I say. She gives me a thin lipped smile that look sadder than before. She wants to cry but doesn’t, instead she hugs me while we walk.

“Hey, y’all want some ice cream?”, daddy asks.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!”, Ari screams jumping up and down. She smiles wide and dances in place. This makes me laugh and I look at daddy. He looks worn out but he’s not mad. He gives me a smile and pulls me close giving me a tight hug. I hope this means I’m not in trouble.

#isadora wyetka #age 10 #arielle #polomir wyetka

3 notes · View notes

meditationadvise · 7 years ago

Text

I Thought I`d Never Get Pregnant Until I Tried This

Tara Stiles is a worldwide renowned yogi, the founder of Strala Yoga exercise, and a very successful writer. In her new class Prenatal Yoga: The Complete Guide, she supplies safe as well as efficient yoga regimens that will certainly bring you energy, restriction morning illness, therefore much more.

Thank you for all the positivity and also enjoyment as well as pleasant words for our child girl on the means. We're delighted as well as pumped up, when I'm awake, that is. Growing people certain takes the mojo right from you. Yet hey, that's OK.

So, I desired to share a little my lessons found out up previously, as well as I enjoy to share my errors as well as trip-ups, so possibly you can save yourself some stress and anxiety and time no issue what you're going through in your life.

We had actually been aiming to make a baby, first rather casually and after that a bit much more 'trying' for a while. Three years ago I 'made a decision' it was time. I went off the tablet, had Mike meet me in Paris for the weekend while I got on the means residence from a Moscow event, and also decided we would obtain pregnant. All set to relocate into the household stage of our lives. Easy right? Ha!

Turned out, my intense idea shockingly worked. It was our very first time 'trying,' and also I declared promptly I was pregnant. I acted as if I recognized for certain, as well as a couple of weeks later on, took an examination and it transformed out I was! And afterwards something horrible occurred. Mike and I were shooting some video clips with each other on an all-day production, and also I started to really feel insane weary. I sat on the couch throughout breaks as well as went to sleep resting up. I understood something had not been right, and throughout one section of filming an unabridged course, I rolled up for the closing breaths and really felt the bleeding. I went to the bathroom and also there was full-on blood, not detecting but blood. We had actually filming delegated do, and I had not informed anybody I was pregnant besides Mike, of training course. We finished the few hrs of recording, gracefully eluded out of the celebratory dinner, and also went house.

The Googling started. I dove deep into message boards, blog sites, and also anything I might locate on blood loss in the very first trimester. Nothing looked that encouraging. Whatever I discovered that offered me a little hope, I knew was comprehending. My inquiries weren't going to be resolved by Google this moment. I made a consultation with my physician, and also she verified the losing the unborn baby. I had a huge migraine a couple of days after but kept up my life customarily. I held a buddy's brand-new child eventually while I was still bleeding a heap. It was hard. I really felt alone and didn't share. I didn't want the limelight on me with this negative information when there was a lot else to do, from celebrating good friends' infants, to leading courses as well as trainings and getting ready for upcoming traveling. I just wanted my body to really feel better so we might get on with it, try once more, as well as make it happen.

So, we type of quit attempting and after that fought, and afterwards dealt with a lot, and afterwards stopped discussing it, then never truly dealt with it. Our partnership obtained so poor, we divided, and I assumed it was over. We said just regarding exterior circumstances and also really did not reach any type of root.

After practically a year, we repaired slowly, after that suddenly obtained back our original trigger. We began enjoying with each other, like when we had actually very first satisfied and had a lot more spare time. We started having a lot more fun since we had all this background now and everything we have actually developed along with the Strala community. Enjoyable ended up being present in everything and the top priority for our partnership. We really did not need to deal with it because it was simple once more. Certainly, like any pair, aggravations are there once in a while, but currently they are funny and also short lived due to the fact that the freedom and also pleasure is back and also strong.

So, we started trying once more. Casually in the beginning, and after that a bit more targeted. I obtained an application that informs you when to go all out. My life was active as well as busy, yet I felt penalty. I felt stimulated, and I would admit there was stress and anxiety, but absolutely nothing I could not 'handle.' And then after months of going regarding my common continuous continuously timetable, getting at ideal 6 hrs a sleep each night, it occurred to me that we both had to make some area-- not simply for a pregnancy but also for our new life, with a real person in it. The change should not happen after I'm pregnant or the minute the baby gets here. The adjustment had to take place now.

So I did something radical. I developed room. Not in the means I was utilized to, which was developing space so I could accomplish more. This time around I was developing room so I could exist because area and also just be.

Create space to be.

Big inhale.

Long exhale.

And just be.

It scared the black out of me to study this new idea, yet it really felt so required to accomplish just what I actually wanted. Much more holistically, it really felt necessary to achieve the degree of peace I yearned for, past any kind of goal of a household. This brand-new way of developing room to be would become the key that took me to amazing places, beyond anywhere I had been thus far.

So, I reduced my routine. I imply I truly lowered it. I started abandoning my phone at the office every evening. I started doing much less. I enjoyed regular shiatsu treatments from our buddy Sam Berlind. He worked years of things out of my shoulders, hips, and back. I started preparing more, not simply for video clips or social media pictures but also for nutrients and enjoyment. I began taking note of just how I really felt. I began reducing activities in my life that didn't bring me delight. I changed my regional organisation totally and also created space for our bigger picture. I dissatisfied individuals and left some completely pissed off. I had to alter as well as it was up to me, only me, to pull the trigger.

So lots of people asked me for many years concerning when we were going to have children. I recognize I'm not alone in feeling disgusting as well as somewhat attacked by these most personal questions, from people who don't understand you so well, along with the deal of infant recommendations flowing extra openly than coffee in the regional neighborhood stores. These questions went to very first aggravating, after that upsetting, after that I finally took my power back. When somebody who I do not know really well would certainly ask me about my fertility, I would certainly ask something equally invasive that was none of my service. How's the connection with your mother? Finances back in order? It normally functioned. It had not been just dodging concerns that got my power back. I really did not require to conceal anymore. I got on my own right track.

After the slashing, the recovering my power, I was left with this space. Nothing was really taking place, however I had area, as well as it began to really feel great. Keep in mind when you were a youngster and you (hopefully) had this substantial feeling of room, time, and creativity daily? I was beginning to get that back. This new space became my most crucial goal. Space to be. I might shut my eyes as well as see every little thing streaming from below.

So we started attempting again with the app. After that I was obtaining frustrated at the app, as well as my partnership to checking it and checking out all its suggestions way too often, so I erased it. We had actually just enjoyed a Matt Damon movie, The Martian, and I love the line regarding exactly how he found out the best ways to expand potatoes on Mars. He claimed, 'I scientific research 'd the shit out of it!' The modern-day globe has great deals of choices in order to help points along with making a child, and our initial stop was the pharmacy. We got an ovulation test that informs you 'for actual' without the uncertainty of an app when is go time. Gauging around that time came to be gratifying and also really felt aggressive. You obtain a straight-up face that says, yes your body is functioning. You have a surge in all the satisfied hormones now. And if you intend to try to make a baby this month, go time is NOW!

After a few smiley-face months, I was a couple of days late but not curious about taking an examination and obtaining bummed out, so we waited. Each month I would certainly think I had some 'signs,' which is quite amusing because a lot of the signs of pregnancy are likewise signs and symptoms of PMS, each taking place in that very same time home window. I stopped attempting to persuade myself that I was peeing a whole lot, had sore boobs and shortness of breath, and just obtained on with my life as typical. We were preparing yourself to leave for Europe, Asia, as well as Australia for a month of Strala trainings and other events, as well as I figured I need to take a test in instance we should establish a doctor go to for when we're back. It would certainly be eight or 9 weeks by that factor, and also my present OB didn't do all the baby things. I took a test, and immediately it transformed pregnant. I still think that indicates I was 'actually pregnant' as well as not simply a little! We raised and down and also scrambled to find a physician that was taking brand-new people. Not an easy point to find in New York City, by the method. After dozens of calls, we finally had an appointment for when we were back, and I could complete packing as well as head to the airport. Eeek! Preparation went out the window on that one.

So this solid little girl made it through an insane trip to Europe, Asia, as well as Australia, full of 20 trips, numerous trainings, workshops, occasions, retreats, finalizings, as well as a great deal of morning/all-day-long illness.

So that's my tale as well as lessons found out. And this is simply the beginning.

You can produce room to achieve much more, which is wonderful and also great yet not sustainable.

Or you can develop room to be.

I hope you select the second, so you could enjoy your personal creative thinking and see where that takes you. Probably to release some rather fantastic stuff.

#chakra meditation #meditation #prenatal yoga #yoga

0 notes