#and shed be there for hours just fucking walking on the treadmill with her stupid mp3 player playing her heart albums

[darksouls2yuri]

prev posts my association with that song is sitting in my hometowns shitty itchy grey carpet smells like bleach gym playing with lint on the floor while my mom works out after church and the five tvs in there are all playing aussie hair commercials in unison nonstop to this song

[goodwriterwithbadhabits]

SVT as Mutants and Mutates Pt 2

Please read part one first! It’ll make more sense!

Masterlist

Boo Seungkwan- Code Name: Apollo

Ability(ies): Healing; Healing oneself and others faster than naturally possible, and often through supernatural means

Status: Mutant

Development

He didn't fully develop his abilities until his early teens.

He had always been interested in medical stuff so he pursued it into high school

It started with small things

That he knew of, at least

Paper cuts that healed in a few minutes

A twisted ankle that healed in 4 hours

So he asked his parents about it and they told him the truth

When he was a kid he used to kiss their “boo-boos” and they would actually heal

His father had even once broken his leg but it healed faster whenever Seungkwan drew on the cast

He took the news pretty well, seeing as he had a less obvious power

Training

He started attending medical seminars while in high school

And collected tons of books on the subject

When word slowly spread that he was a great healer, mutants started flocking to his house

So his parents refurbished a shed out back as his office

It was a win-win,

The Boo's got money, Seungkwan got to train

Then one day, Cheol walks into his office(shed)

He's a little beat up and worse for wear

But Seungkwan patches him up no problem,

Then Cheol asks him to join them at Pledis,

To which Seungkwan politely declined

But when he was 17 Jun crashed onto his lawn and he didn't have a choice but bring the guy home

And he really liked it there

So he stayed

They hooked him up with the medical wing, which was sweet

In house doctor, without having to pay

Nice

Current

Boo as he's known, sometimes Apollo, mostly stays in the medical wing, his room (which is next to the medical wing) or Vernon's room

Jeonghan, Minghao, and Vernon are the people most often in his care

Because they're stupid and overexert themselves

He loves them he does, but damn they dumb

He's not remotely a field agent

Fuck that shit

He's part of SVT but he's the support squad

Also, he's got the voice of an angel?

Like if he's just patching somebody up, or cleaning up, he's singing

Which is part of the reason Vernon likes him

They're the perfect duo

The only people who don't know that Seungkwan and Vernon are in love are Seungkwan and Vernon

~~

Kwon Soonyoung- Code Name: Bullet

Ability(ies): Superspeed; Movement faster than otherwise humanly possible.

Status: Mutate

Experiments

He was 7 when they took him

His powers developed almost as soon as he arrived.

They had him running laps to cull his insane amount of energy

Then suddenly he was a blur

He hates how early his ability developed

It meant he spent the rest of his time in captivity running tests

Literally

They had him hooked up to a treadmill most days monitoring his top speeds till he collapses

Then they throw him in a small cell with a bunch of food until they decide to pull him for more tests

When they weren't watching he was seeing if he could vibrate through the wall

Or shatter the glass

or literally, anything to get out of this fucking hell hole

But to no avail

There was this kid in the cell next to him

Its someone named Jihoon

He arrived later and Hoshi feels horrible for him

He wasn't sure why but when he was 15 Jihoon just disappeared

It really pissed him off

And he shattered the glass viewing window at the front of his cell

So he was moved to complete isolation

Just a dark room with steel walls

And just barely audible over the screams from some of the more insane captives, he could hear music

And he danced to it

It kept him sane and fit

then the music stopped

It pissed him off again but he couldn't do anything.

So it became emptiness

And he gave up

Rescue

When Cheol and Jun arrived to get Hoshi they found an empty facility

Jun searched the place but they didn't find anyone

Then Cheol found a lone security camera pointed at a cell with only one inmate

He barely responded when the boys went in to get him

He was just sitting with his arms resting on his legs, covering his face

When Cheol squatted in front of him and touched his arm to see if he was alive

He bolted to the other corner of the room

Wide-eyed, he gaped at the other boys

Then he apologized

When he got back to the manor he just kinda quietly followed Cheol around

Then he found Jun dancing in one of the rec room and joined him

Current

If he's not dancing, check Woozi's room

He's probably annoying him

He and some of the other dancers put on little performances for the squad and the kids

He also teaches the kids how to dance

When he's needed on SVT missions it makes him super happy

He hates being alone

It scared him

But you can't really tell since he's mostly a bouncy ball of sunshine

~~

Lee Seokmin- Code Name: Angel

Ability(ies): Clairvoyance; seeing things or events in the future or beyond sensory contact, Empathy; feeling and at times, altering, other people's emotions.

Status: Mutant

Development

He didn't realize he had abilities as a kid

The Clairvoyance, never really happened until he was older

Mostly it was just empathy

If his parents were upset, he was too

If his teacher was having a good day, so was he

It was really weird being in school

All these emotions bombarding him

So he set out to be happy,

All

The

Time

At first, he didn't realize he was causing people's emotions to change

He thought he was just a cool guy

But then his mother was sick and feeling awful

She wouldn't let him into her room, so he didn't get sick

So he just sat outside her room

Being upset and willing his mom to be happy again

And she was

Training (Kinda)

He started testing his abilities on people at school

He focused on positive emotions though

The girl whose mom was in the hospital was suddenly smiling for the rest of the day

His clairvoyance appeared in high school

He was taking a test when suddenly he could see the answers

He didn't understand, figuring it just to be his brain's panic response to the unknown

But then a few days later, he saw his friend getting hit by a car

Something told him this was going to happen the next day

And it almost did

But Seokmin stopped him from going into the street

He waited to do something about his powers until he graduated

Then he waited a little longer

Because shit's scary

So he called Pledis when he was 19

When he got there

Literally, the moment he stepped in the doors

While Cheol was asking him about his abilities

He had a vision

It was about Dino

And then he passed out

Cheol was really sick of catching seers

Current

He rooms with Jeonghan and whoever recently came in.

He's technically part of SVT but doesn't tag along unless absolutely needed,

He prefers to stay behind and be emotional support (lol)

He's often awake with Jeonghan and whoever has had a nightmare but he doesn't go out with them

He just sends calming waves over to them

Honestly, I want a DK

~~

Lee Chan- Code Name: Blink

Ability(ies): Teleportation; instantaneous travel from one location to another

Status: Mutate

Experiments

He was 4 when he was taken

They put him under every test they could think of

But nothing was happening

So they tossed him in solitary confinement

He was 9

A few weeks later they shoved someone in the cell next to him

The guy would just play music all the time

And he wondered how but stopped questioning it

He was 12 when he finally saw another person

He and the person in the cell next to him, a pale dude who was drugged after being taken out were being moved.

Chan was handcuffed and thrown into the back of a truck with the drugged guy

They drove for a while

Eventually, the drugged guy woke up, groggy as shit and told him ominously

“If I die, don't tell my family.”

To which Dino stared at him in horror

This guy was like a year older than him, max

“What's your name?” Was all Chan could respond with

The car stopped moving the second after.

“Vernon”

Then the doors were opened and Vernon was grabbed and pulled out

Chan figured he'd never see the guy again

In the new facility, they tossed him back in solitary

Where he stayed until he was 17

Rescue (kinda)

When he was 17 he was dragged out of his cell

And pulled through the facility

To more testing or death, he wasn't sure

but he freaked.

As they dragged him by a security guard complaining about some hideaway for mutants

He saw a picture of the Pledis Manor

And closed his eyes, picturing it

Then suddenly he was laying on his back

He could smell flowers and feel a soft wind.

When he opened his eyes he was looking up at a blue sky,

It was sunny which made his eyes hurt

He sat up and looked around, finding a huge manor nearby

At first, he thought he was hallucinating while dying

But then a taller man in a white shirt came to him with a smile

“I was wondering when you'd get here”

Jeonghan brought him inside and made him hot chocolate

The pair were talking about the other people in the facility

Like Vernon, when Hoshi walked down

He mentioned the music he would hear and Hoshi perked

It brought them closer together, knowing they were from the same place

But Hoshi just wanted to know about Jihoon

Chan wanted to know about Vernon

Neither had answers

But Chan chose to stay instead of going hunting

He wanted to learn what had happened

How he had gotten there

Luckily someone else knew how to teleport and helped him

Current

He's irreplaceable as the youngest member of SVT

Also, none of them can teleport

He also learned how to teleport other people as well

He's pretty fucking cool

Like Hoshi, he has nightmares about being in isolation

But Chan also likes being alone a lot

But withing hearing distance of other people

So he hangs out on the roof with Shua a lot

But when Vernon arrived, he nearly shit himself with happiness

So they stick close sometimes

Like when Vernon wants to be alone,

He likes being alone with Chan

They both do

He's unsure why Jeonghan loves him like a son

He's only a few years younger than the guy

But overall he does love his hyungs, even Jihoon

~~

Xu Minghao- Code Name: Thanatos

Ability(ies): Necromancy; reviving the dead to semi-cognitive forms, Immortality; incapable of dying.

Status: Mutant

Development

He's kinda had this ability since he was 7

But he never told anyone but his mom who kept him hidden

It all started with a dead bird in his front yard

He picked it up and got sad that it was dead

But then it wasn't anymore

And it flew away

And Hao looked at his horrified Mom with blood flowing out of his nose

What a horrifying sight

Training

He trained himself

In a lot of things

Biology, Anatomy, Martial Arts, Poetry

He just hid and studied

He started bringing back things, just to see if he could

And to improve his strength

Now he wasn't just killing small animals

That would make him a sociopath

But he would go into the forests for days at a time and find dead and decaying animals and bring them back

Its kinda scary

He's never brought back a human though

Oddly enough, he happened upon Pledis

He was just in the woods, hiking and looking for dead things when he saw the building

At first, he thought it was just an abandoned building

When he got closer, he saw someone come outside

And they were waving to him

He wasn't sure why, but he went over to them

It was Dk, grinning like the sun

He was surprisingly chipper, but it made Hao feel better?

So he said “fuck it”

Called his mom

Told her he wouldn't be coming back any time soon

And stayed with Pledis

Current

He didn't abandon his mom

He still goes to see her a lot

Usually with Jun

His mom likes Jun because he is also Chinese

He's part of the SVT but mostly is just there because martial arts

He's a scary boy

And he can’t die

He's never brought a human back

And he's kinda scared to

But he's always training to just in case

He likes dancing with Hoshi, Jun, and Dino

Its a good way to get over the fact he literally has the power over life and death

Which everyone seems to forget a lot

But they watched him bring a bear back to life and control it

So now everyone's kinda scared of the tiny Chinese boy

Also, he always wears bucket hats on missions

No one knows why

~~

Chwe Hansol-  Code Name: Soundcloud

Ability(ies): Electrokinesis; generate and control electrical fields

Status: Mutate

Experiments

He was 6 when he was grabbed

His parents had done a decent job of hiding him

But even moving from New York to Korea didn't help

He didn't understand what was going on for a long time

At first, he was kept in the standard-issue cell

Three walls of brick and one of glass

Until he was 10

Then his abilities surfaced

It was storming outside and Vernon was staring out the little window when lightning struck the ground right next to his head

But nothing happened to him

He just turned to the doctors that ran in to see if he was still alive

But when they pulled him for testing the first nurse to touch him got zapped across the room

Every time they actually got him out of his cell he would touch the walls of the compound and turn off the lights

So they tossed him in Solitary

You know, throw the guy with electrical powers into a metal box

Good job.

He learned that he could create music by tapping his fingers on the wall

The electric sounds served as a background to his bad beatboxing and semi-bad rapping.

Then a few years later they pulled him out of the cell and knock him out

He barely remembers waking up to spook Chan

Rescue

He doesn't remember much

He had gotten shoved into another solitary cell

This time with no neighbors

He still just made music

And thought about his parents

Then when he was 19, roughly 5 years later he heard something different than just the normal sounds of the facility

Some loud thumps

So he called out to the guard in the corner and was answered with the viewing hole being covered

So Vernon did the only thing he could think of

He summoned a huge electrical field

and blasted the door off its hinges

nearly squished a Jun

And then promptly passed out

When he woke up he was on a bed in the medical wing

Literally second later Chan burst into the room and hugged him

Which made Boo shout at him

Vernon is almost certain he fell in love with Boo at that moment

Current

If he's not with Shua or Boo, he's probably alone in a corner

He's constantly trying to find his parents

Even if everyone thinks he should stop, he won't

And Cheol doesn't want him to give up on them either

Turns out he's really good with computers

But don't let him fly the plane

Someone nicknamed him storm once and he zapped them

Then educate them on the fact he could only manipulate electrical fields

He's a member of SVT, and arguably the deadliest

Others think its Shua or Gyu

but Boo told him he was the strongest so no one can take that from him

~~

Lee Jihoon- Code Name: Phantom

Ability(ies): Invisibility; Cause oneself and specific objects to no longer been seen by the human eye.

Status: Mutate

Experiment

He was taken when he was 10

His parents were scientists and knew about the gene

So they kept him hidden as long as they could

But he was eventually found

Since he was older they were ruthless in their experiments

In the cell next to him was this guy, mostly known as Hoshi

But they didn't talk much

He always just wished he was invisible,

One day he was

He was 15, and had bolted from the hold of one of the nurses

They chased him down the hall

but when he turned the corner he vanished

He seemed to realize they stopped chasing him after a few moments

When he paused to see why he caught his reflection in one of the steel doors

Or his lack of a reflection I should say.

This shocked him into being visible again

And got him captured again

They actually taught him how to control it

And trained him to be a spy

He hated it

But his other option was death so

Hey, useful skills for his next escape attempt

Which brings us to

Rescue

His escape attempt was the same day Cheol and the others showed up

This time they brought DK

Jeonghan had told them what Woozi could do

He managed to get out of the wing he was trapped in and all the way to the lobby before DK noticed him

Scared the shit out of Seungcheol when he just kinda popped into existence

Didn't want to go with them but figured it was better than staying there.

Current

He was only rescued a few months ago

But he's a very important member of SVT

Not only can he go invisible, but he's also scary

but also adorable cuz he's like 2 feet tall

He found Shua's guitar in the greenhouse and played it

Which made Shua super happy

But Shua scared the piss outta Jihoon by just popping out of a tree

So he stays indoors now.

Cheol and Jeonghan are pretty much the only 2 he puts up with

Everyone else is only healthy in small doses

I hope you guys liked this! Don't forget to request any scenarios, headcanons, or reactions your heart desires and I’ll do my best

[forever-rogue]

Stunning

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this little requested one shot! I had a lot of fun writing it. You guys can send in requests/prompts, however I will not be getting to them until probably mid-January because in about a week I’m leaving to go abroad for a while (I’ll make an announcement regarding this soon)! Also sidenote, I love you all and you’re wonderful and beautiful just the way you are!

Prompt: I was wondering if you could do something about a reader who's a tad overweight and is trying to lose weight so she goes to the gym down the street where she meets Cap and they start to meet up there daily or something and from there they become friends(eventually more)?

Word Count: 2.2k

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: weight issues / language

Y/N clutched her gym bag tightly in her arm, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone on the busy New York Street. She had finally made the decision to go to the gym and start working out, something she had wrestled with mentally for a while.

She had always been a little on heavier side, just enough to where a few rude people felt the need to make a comments. They usually didn’t bother her, but she had decided she would go to the gym anyway, just to start adopting a healthier lifestyle. She had recently started a new office job where she would be sitting all day, instead of her previous job working at a pet day care where she was up and moving all day. Knowing she wouldn’t be as active now, she reasoned that the gym was a good alternative. She figured she might be able to shed a few unwanted pounds, but that wasn’t what it was all about for her. It had taken a long time for her to love herself but she once she had reached that point no one’s comments offended her.

She had done her research and selected a small gym where she was sure she’d be comfortable and not surrounded by the uber crossfit types. She opened the door and was greeted by a girl working at the front desk and went to the locker room to put her stuff away. She didn’t see too many people there and breathed a small sigh of relief.

Y/N decided to start her workout by going to the treadmill. She put her headphones in and set the pace to a medium and focused herself. She’d made herself a new workout playlist that get her pumped and inspired and luckily it drowned out all the noise around her.

She stayed on the treadmill until she broke out in a decent sweat and slowly stepped off. She gathered for breath for a minute, happy with the small session she had just put it in. Y/N spotted a rowing machine nearby and decided to give it a try, it had always seemed like it could be fun. She went over it and sat down, headphones still in and grabbed the pull bar, She tried to pull it but it refused to move any of the weights. She tried several more times before giving up and giving a huff and sitting back down.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a small tap on her shoulder. Her hands shot up and clutched her heart for a moment before she turned around and pulled out her headphones.

“Hi there, I didn’t mean to startle you, I tried to say something but you didn’t hear me. I’m sorry,” his voice was warm and soft and he was easily one of the handsomest men Y/N had seen. She owned her mouth a few times but words refused to come out, “I saw you trying to use that. I think you need to change the resistance first and then it should work.”

“Wow,” was all she managed to stammer out. She wasn’t sure she if was referring to the man or her cluelessness.

“Wow?” He walked over and changed the settings for her. He gave her a dazzling smile when he finished.

“Yeah...uhh wow, I’m so stupid,” she laughed nervously, “thank you, I appreciate it.”

“Have you ever used this machine before?”

“No, I haven’t. It’s my first time here actually,” she admitted shyly. He was wearing a fitted t shirt and some running shorts, and she could tell he worked out a lot; he was built. A slight sense of insecurity was overcoming her.

“Well then, it’s nothing to get worked up about. A lot of people don’t reset machines when they’re done unfortunately,” he shrugged a little in annoyance before walking back over to her, “I’m Steve, by the way.”

“Y/N,” she shook his outstretched, “it’s nice to meet you.Thanks for saving me a lot of frustration.”

“Don’t mention. Nice to meet you as well, it’s always nice to see a friendly face,” she swore he looked familiar, but she couldn’t quite place him, “if you ever need any more help or anything, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’m here pretty much weekend afternoons and sometimes in the evenings during the week.”

“Okay, yeah, I definitely will. Still gotta get the hang of everything,” she could feel a warm blush creep up her cheeks. Why was he so damn attractive?

“Sounds like a deal,” he gave her a small wave and headed back over to where he had been working out before. She watched him go with a small smile as she put her headphones back in. She wasn’t sure if he was just a very kind or somewhat flirty but she sure hoped she would encounter him again.

Over the next several weeks, Y/N got down her routine of her new job and balancing her life. She settled on going to the gym on Wednesdays and both weekend days, a commitment she was sure to actually keep. Unfortunately, she had not seen any signs of Steve all those weeks. She assumed he must have been coming at different times or started going to a different gym.

It was a late Wednesday evening and Y/N walked into the now familiar gym and gave the receptionist a wave. As she walked back towards the locker rooms, her heart skipped a beat when she saw Steve coming out of the men’s area. Keep cool, keep calm, she repeatedly to herself over and over.

“Y/N!” His face light up when he saw her.

“Hi Steve,” she tried to keep her voice even, “it’s nice to see you again.”

“I know it’s been awhile, I’ve had a few busy weeks at work. I was hoping to see you again,”

“Oh- I, really?”

“Yeah,” he scratched the back of his nervously, “I realized I forgot to give you my number or anything last time, so I was hoping to catch you again. But sometimes you know, Avengers duty calls.”

“Avengers duty,” she tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out what he meant, “you work for the avengers...oh fuck, you’re Captain America, aren’t you. How did I not realize that sooner, I knew you looked familiar!”  

“It’s okay, Y/N. I usually don’t tell people if they don’t know, it makes it easier to get to know someone a personal basis,” he laughed a little at her flustered reaction.

“I’m sure you must be mobbed by a lot of fangirls,”

“It’s not too bad when I’m not in the suit,” he smiled and saw that she had just arrived, “fancy a workout buddy?”

“Sure! Let me just go and put my stuff away,” she hoped she wouldn’t make too much of a fool out of herself trying to keep up with him.

After a few minutes she returned and saw him waiting for her in one of the training rooms scrolling through his phone. She walked over to him and he looked up and gave her a big smile, “before I forgot, did you want to give me your number? I mean, if you don’t want to, I understand, I hope I’m not being too forward.”

“No, not at all,” she took the phone from his hand and put in her number, “there. And I texted myself so I have yours too.”

“Perfect,” he threw his phone into the corner along his stuff and gave her his full attention, “now, have you ever sparred before?”

“Umm, no? I mean I’ve accidentally punched someone before, but I don’t think that counts,” the memory of the day she had hit her friend when he had startled her.

“How on earth do you accidentally do that?!”

“He startled me and that was my natural instinct,” she smacked his arm lightly as he doubled over laughing, “don’t make me do the same to you!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry! It’s serious time now,” he pulled himself together and took a stance. He reached for her hands and positioned them. He got behind her and reached down and adjusted her legs. He hesitated for moment before putting his hands on her waist and turned her slightly. Her breath caught in her throat for a moment until he let go and moved back into his original position.

“Now we fight?”

“Well...not exactly. We’ll start off slowly and we’ll start with the basics, like blocking. I’ll go first and you react. Ready?”

“Yes,”

For a few hours they sparred back and forth, Y/N getting more and more comfortable with everything. When they called it quits for the day, both of them seemed reluctant to leave. They had been talking about themselves and their lives while working out. It definitely made it more bearable for Y/N than just being by themselves.

“So, uhh, I’ll see you later?” Steve slung his bag over his shoulder and gave Y/N an almost sad look. He wasn’t ready to leave her just yet.

“Yeah...that sounds good. Maybe this weekend?”

“Definitely, I’ll be here. Have a good night,”

“You too, Steve. Thanks for everything. You actually made working out fun,” she gave him one last glance before heading back to gather her own things.

Over the next couple of weeks Steve and Y/N had worked out together almost every time they were at the gym. It had intimidated Y/N at first, but her nerves quickly disappeared the more they talked and got to know each other.

After they had gotten more comfortable with each other and gotten to know one another more, Steve had asked her why she had decided to join their gym. She was slightly wary of the question and wasn’t sure exactly what to say, so she figured she’d just give him the truth.

“Mostly to stay active since I work a normal desk job now,” she avoided making eye contact with him, “plus I mean, otherwise it’s obvious.”

“What’s obvious?” He tilted his head and gave her a curious look.

“I’m not exactly a model or like most girls. I’m bigger and I don’t know,” she shrugged and looked away shyly, almost embarrassed.

“Does that matter?”

“I mean to most people it does,”

“Does it to you?”

“No, I keep active and try to have a healthy lifestyle. I’ve grown to like myself a lot,” she admitted and finally met his gaze.

“Exactly, other people and their opinions don’t matter,” he agreed and gave her a wink, “besides you’re stunning just how you are.”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she wasn’t sure if she had imagined what he had just said. She let a small laugh and turned her back to him, pretending to turn her attention to the machine she had been using, face bright red.

When Y/N got home she took a long, hot shower and replayed the evening’s events in her mind. Steve was so kind and funny, but she knew her feelings went deeper than that, even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself. He hadn’t treated her like she was just a chubby girl, but like a regular person.

She stepped out of the shower, changing into her pajamas before deciding to watch some late night TV. She grabbed her phone from where she had left it on the kitchen counter and saw that Steve had already texted her, usually he wasn’t so quick to after their sessions. Her heart skipped a beat as as she eagerly opened it. Her face was plastered with a huge grin as she read over his words:

I should have done this earlier, but talked myself out of it, regrettably. I was wondering if you’d like to get dinner tomorrow?

She didn’t hesitate to respond: I think that sounds wonderful, I’d love to.

He must have had his phone in his hand waiting for her to answer because his response was almost immediate: Perfect! I’ll call you tomorrow to get your address and pick you up.

Y/N gave him quick confirmation and did a little dance in her seat. She couldn’t even deny the fact that she was excited to finally be going out with him. After all these weeks of training with him and getting closer, she was glad to see the feelings were real for both of them..

She knew this one was a going to be good one. She had waited long enough for someone like him.

Permanent Taglist: @ruinerofcheese @nerissa98 @supernatural508 @courtneychicken @santa-crew

[foursprout-blog]

You Saved My Life And I Don’t Even Know Your Name

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/you-saved-my-life-and-i-dont-even-know-your-name-2/

You Saved My Life And I Don’t Even Know Your Name

Nicholas Kwok / Unsplash

I see you sometimes. You’re the kid the same age as my little sister who’s crossing the street as I sit in traffic at a red light. You’re the guy whose laugh everyone noticed in the busy restaurant last night. You’re the barista who gives me a large instead of a small. I want to know you. I want to know your family. I want to know what your dreams are. Where do you see yourself in ten years? Do you want a family? Do you like dogs or cats more? Are you a cheese person? Because I can eat a wedge of sharp cheddar at an alarming rate. Can you belt out disco music at the top of your lungs in the shower like me? Do you have brothers or sisters? Are you happy? Are you in love? Then the car behind me honks and shouts because the green light is close to fading to yellow and I realize I’ve been daydreaming about you again. I don’t know anything about you. Not your favorite color. Not the band you listen to on repeat. Not your birthday. Nothing, not even your name. I think about you more than I care to admit. I have all of these questions I would give anything to have answered. But then I remember the question I’ve been asking since you saved my life.

How did you die?

As I write this, there’s a prescription bottle to the right of me. This one pill that I now take will be a part of me until the day I die, just as what you gave to me will be with me until that same day. This little white capsule keeps the organ you gave to me without fear of rejection. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Perhaps it’s to distract myself from the fact that I have no idea what to say to you. How do I thank you? How do I honor your death? My God, I wish that I could tell you that I will find the cure for cancer, write something that helps bring world peace, or do something spectacular with this second chance. But I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that all I want is to be healthy. And thanks to you, I’ve become pretty good at that.

69 days was all it took. Day one, I walked in with what I thought was a nasty cold paired with a possible urinary tract infection. Less than 10 weeks later at the ripe age of 25, I was waiting to die in a hospital bed in the ICU. But then, my dream team came in and told me about a young man whose liver would fit me perfectly. Yours. Eight hours of surgery later, you had saved my life. I went in for surgery on Wednesday night, and I came through the other side on Friday morning. After tubes and bandages were pulled and ripped from my body, they walked in, my mom and my kid sister. That feeling of them being allowed to hug and hold my face is something I will never forget. The tears and the happy sobs of gratitude. To look into their bloodshot eyes. The smell of coffee and relief on their breath. The warm sun was coming through the windows on that cloudy January morning. I have never felt such love for life. When I think about that moment, I often think of your family and what may have been the worst moment of their lives.

I was never told your name. Everything has been kept confidential. I’ve tried writing your family, but I thought that writing you may come easier. “Male, age 21” was all that they would tell me. The first thing I thought of was my sister. You came into this world the same year that she had. And naturally, my next thought was of your siblings and what you must mean to them. The very idea of losing my little sister makes even inhaling hurt. If roles were reversed, I would have given my life up for hers in the blink of an eye. You see, my little sister is my favorite person on this big ball of blue. She’s funny, and she ’s strong, and she’s just the best person despite everything that she’s had to endure. And now, she was going to have to face my death. Before you came to save the day, no one could sit with me and act as if things were normal, until she came. My sister was the only one who could still put a genuine smile on my face. Even on what we thought could be the last days of my life, she made me laugh. She crawled into my hospital bed, held my hand, and we took selfies. Silly, I know. I think of her and how my life would never be the same without her. She was my very first best friend. I can’t help but think of what your brothers and sisters must feel. So I promise you that I will be the best big brother in the entire world to her. I will love her when she comes home with a new tattoo or falls in love with some idiot who isn’t worth her time. I promise you that I will hug her tight every time that I see her.

We were left with the question of “how?” How did you pass? Was it sudden? Was it an accident? Did a stranger not call an Uber after too many drinks? Was it the rain we had been having? Were you out with friends? Celebrating a belated new year? I guess it doesn’t matter. I wish I knew your name though. So much so, that I’ve given you one despite never knowing a thing about you. I call you Sam. No particular reason to be honest. I was at a concert and the artist’s last song she sang was by the same name. I fell in love with the song and what it meant, and you came to mind. It was meant to be. Sam. I say your name a lot these days. Often times, when I’m doing something that I don’t want to do or a task which is proving to be difficult. Getting out of bed on a workday. Making it the last five minutes on the treadmill. Or even something as simple as taking the garbage bins out the night before. I think of you and say your name because you will never have the chance to do such things again. These “burdens” are a blessing to me now. I remember being in the hospital post-transplant and my discharge date kept being pushed back further. And further. And further. I could not wait to get out of that sterile hospital room with its fluorescent lighting and not just be alive, but honestly living. Eat real food. Hug my family. Order a cup of coffee. Pay a utility bill. Take my dog for a walk. Deal with these everyday burdens. And then I would think of the good parts. Like being stupid with my two best friends.

It took 11 days for them to come and see me after the transplant. They kept me sane, loved me back to life a time or two, and got me out of my head long before being locked in an ICU and being told that I was going to die. In reality, these two people who I’ve shared my life with know me differently than anyone else on this planet. They can take one glance at me and know something’s off. They each can call me on my shit when no one else can just as they can make me laugh so hard that tears flow freely down my face. We have walked beside one another during the very worst moments of our lives. Have no fear; they have also been within an arm’s reach during my most cherished memories. When my body was healing with seventy-seven staples keeping you inside of me, they would send or say things that nearly split the stitches from too much laughing. Thank you for that. There would be no laughter with my two best friends if it weren’t for you. I promise to keep laughing and to hold them close. I promise to never keep things from them. I promise you that I will love them until the three of us are old, wrinkled grumps on some porch together talking about the days of our youth.

Of all of the people who have felt your loss, your mother comes to mind most often. Likely because of what mine means to me. Before I was diagnosed, the thought of death did not terrify me. I’ve lost people and the tears would always come, but somehow, a thought of knowing that they were going to be okay would find me. Their spirit is only shedding its body. When I was told that I was going to die without an organ such as yours, a fear I had never known grasped me hard and would not let go. It was not a fear of dying, but a fear of the life that I had yet to live. I had so many things that I wanted to do, so many things that I wanted to see, and to hear, and to experience. I was not ready to die. My mother was holding my hand when the doctor gave me a death sentence. And all I could think of was not being there for her. To dance with her at my wedding. To introduce her to her grandchildren for the first time. To tell her that everything was going to be okay. To never come home again. She was the first one I thought of when I came out of surgery and was conscious. Before they had removed the breathing tube or had taken the tape off of my eyes, they put a pen into my hand to write questions. All I could write was, “Where’s Mom?” Where is she? Why isn’t she here? And before I knew it, she was. I think of your mother and I cannot fathom the loss she has in the center of her being. I want to thank her, but at the same time I want to apologize. I want to tell her that I’m sorry. I may never find the cure or the reason as to why you were taken from her and why I was given a second shot. I’d hug her and I’d probably cry because this whole dying thing has made me an emotional fucking wreck. I promise that I’ll thank her and the rest of your family. I promise to tell her that her baby’s life will not have been lost on me. I’d ask her about you and I’d soak it all in. All of it.

At the very least, I promise to ask her your name.

But until then, I will call you Sam. And I will live for you, Sam. When fear grabs hold of me and keeps me from doing something, I’m going to do it regardless. I’m going to do it for you. As my fingers type these words, I glance at the calendar next to me and see the date. In two days, it will be one year since you saved my life. To say this past year has been an adventure would be putting it lightly. I fought hard. I cried more than I would care to tell you, but most of these tears were happy tears. I am still lost and pondering why this happened. I still think about you, about your family, about life before that dreadful diagnosis day in November. Up until recently, I wasn’t big on making plans for tomorrow. Or the next day. The thought of making plans and thinking of the future had become something only others got to do. I couldn’t think of that when I must be grateful for merely this very moment. How could I want for something years down the line when it was a miracle to be here right now? And then one night after hearing of a friend gone too soon, in walked my old friend Fear. Fear of getting sick again. And as I sat there crying with hands shaking, someone very close to my heart told me that I could no longer be afraid to plan for tomorrow. Is there a chance that I will get sick again? You betcha. But I’ve decided to pull out my planner despite that truth. So this is my promise to you. I promise to get stronger than before. I promise to fall in love again. I promise to get married, and have babies, and travel this world, and dance to Donna Summer with a block of Tillamook in hand, and hug my people a tad too long. I promise to meet your family one day. I promise never to take my loved ones for granted or forget the beautiful burdens for what they are, a gift. I may not save the world, but you saved mine, and I will always remember that.

Promise.