#and she's like. a baby at this point so MEGA unneeded so whatever

[pochapal]

I hate doctor 11 but ive never been able to explain why in like words lmao. He feels like such a mary sue character imo and like theres something about his characterisation that was always just really ineffective (like the stuff about fishfingers and custard or whatever it was). Imo i'd love to hear you give top 5 worst things about the 11 era because i rlly just love when it gets torn apart

i hold nothing but a seething contempt and loathing for that man. every time he appeared on screen i felt ready to snap like a riled up chimpanzee in my enclosure. i am frothing at the mouth and overcome with a desire to start flinging heavy objects. this might be incoherent and inconsistent but i started this rewatch in feb 2020 and only finished this week so i got through 11′s episodes last august/september time and i refuse to revisit it to jog my memory or fact check anything i’m saying here because this man does not deserve the space in my mind for that.

the first thing is i can’t fucking STAND the quirky whimsy timey wimey bit he has going on all of the time. i can’t even say this is because this is a kids show and i was a teen and then adult when i first properly watched him but actually!! when i was eleven years old i’d sleep over at a friend’s house most weekends and it always coincided with the airing of a new season 5 episode and i remember we watched the finale with the dumb time hopping to get out of the box prison that was never explained and didn’t make sense and i thought at the time “this is really stupid”. and before that my only other doctor who exposure was watching the david tennant christmas specials with another friend and throughout childhood my only opinion on doctor who was “this is a tv show that is not for me but is one that all the boys i am friends with like so i will put up with it to maintain our friendships” but at least those episodes were both suspenseful and engaging enough to keep me watching all the way through. like who the fuck does an end of the world sci fi plot and approaches it with an “oopsy woopsy i am a funny little alien man who is going to stop you all by making you do a hecking silly” like it’s unneeded and self-parodies an already cheesy show to the point where it becomes unwatchable and makes it impossible to ever take this man seriously.

next thing that downright sucks ass so badly is the stupid fucking overwritten constantly escalating plotlines. like everything from season 5 up until his regeneration at the end of season 7 is meant to be this grand interconnected cosmic plot about how...the doctor trying to bring back his planet will end the universe or something so all the top powers across all of reality tried again and again to stop him from doing that except he doesn’t know what’s going on so he keeps thwarting these people who supposedly mean good?? i mean i sure don’t fucking know what they were trying to say!! like for some reason we never get the doctor suddenly becomes this superdemon that threatens everything so these people (whoever they are) decide to, in sequence: suck him through a time rift to erase him from existence, trap him in a prison and remake a universe without him, take his companion’s baby and turn her into a perfectly trained doctor killer, form two(!!) secret societies to hunt him throughout history that are only stopped by his companion splintering herself across his personal timeline to protect him, and repeatedly cause reality collapsing events because it’s a kinder outcome for the universe than what he will do. this grand and terrible event turns out to be...he spends a few hundred years chilling by a rift that leads to his home planet and protects a few generations of children from monsters which convinces them to give him infinite regeneration power then fuck off back to their pocket universe. and it’s like!! what is the point of anything that happens in this man’s era when everything is always “the darkest moment” or whatever the fuck!! i don’t care!! we never get a compelling reason to believe this bumbling clown of a man could ever be a universal threat!! the whole thing is so dumb i hate it!!!

thing number three i hate is how the eleventh doctor is ALSO characterised as this abrasive egotistic male supergenius to the point where he becomes genuinely indistinguishable from bbc sherlock. genuinely who enjoyed seeing this guy constantly tell people their tiny human minds can’t comprehend what he’s doing and then basically just wave his magic wand to solve whatever problem each episode is facing. 2012 is the year of human sin because this fucking shitsmear character archetype somehow became both a redditor role model AND a tumblr sexyman and it’s like!! nobody is enjoying this stop making this seem cool! him saying timey wimey thing any time he does anything is frustrating and dumb and locks the viewer out of giving a fuck about anything that is happening! smartest man in the room syndrome is a disease and the eleventh doctor is terminal with it. like remember how they established river as an accomplished scientist (when she wasn’t being a child soldier or a time paradox or whatever the fuck) and every time that came up mr doctor eleven man was like “oh this thing is obvious because i’m a genius and you didn’t realise because your brain is tiny so get out of the way and let the grownups think” or that time it turned out amy had been replaced with a slime clone for half the season and the doctor chewed rory (audience surrogate) out for somehow not realising this fact we didn’t know right from the start and like. this served no purpose other than to draw into severe question why the doctor is also this super beloved magical figure implicitly trusted by all children everywhere like. mr steven moffat is totally allergic to writing and solving mysteries in his tv show and fuck you for wanting to figure things out as you go along based on the new evidence you uncover at strategic plot intervals just let this asshole man use magical thinking to reveal he knew the answer all along and you’re a fucking idiot for not also realising this thing which had no basis or precedent anywhere else in the show.

speaking of dumb things let us not forget the absolute shitshow that was minority representation in this era. i’m not even talking about the low hanging fruit of how genuinely unironically sexist amy and clara were written where each episode moffat either seemed to loathe them or was incredibly horny over them and they had no character growth or arc or fucking anything. i’m talking about how fucking shit terrible the incidental representation was. god remember how every single fucking gay person who appeared in this era was written as one incredibly fucking stupid joke and how the women were all either sexy dominatrix, feeble girl in love, or Mother (or all three in some really terrible cases) and i’m not qualified to talk about this but also how incredibly white this era was and how on two separate occasions we had monarchs reimagined as sexy girlbosses with a gun played by black women who the doctor leched over. nothing about any of this was good ESPECIALLY coming off the back of rtd who was surprisingly forward thinking for 2005 and did a really good job of positing travel with the doctor as queer allegory. in comparison moffat gave us THE MOST heterosexual shlock i’ve ever had to endure. amy and rory could have been interesting characters were they not hemmed into this domestic bickering young straight married couple bullshit that was in no way changed or altered by traveling with the doctor except for the quasi incestuous river song reveal that was dumb and bad and stupid.

the last major mega gripe i have with the series is moffat’s fucking jingoistic boner for british military aesthetics. this carried over throughout his entire tenure as showrunner but was super terrible vomit inducing in eleven’s era. the unironic admiration for ww2 britain and winston churchill is downright wretched. are you incapable of telling a second world war story outside of churchill’s london and plucky blitz fighters. shit gives me hives so badly. and then!!! that weird church owned army that features in the future that end up being bad not for the concept of what basically amounts to an imperialistic intergalactic rendition of the fucking crusades but because they’re part of the nonsense go nowhere puzzlebox narrative that says the doctor is a not good man who will do bad things to the universe :(. remember how rtd’s doctor was a freshly traumatised man hot off the war criminal press who time and time again vehemently refuses to engage in military violence, but who tragically inadvertently turns every one of his companions into soldiers in his own personal army, and he has this moment of complete horror at the realisation and it is this which causes the downward spiral that ends in 10′s regeneration. and then how there’s this cringe line about how there’s a force of people who are “the doctor’s army, always ready to fight his battles when he’s not around” or some shit and then it turns out this is actually massive literal military operation and we’re meant to celebrate this. fuck off.

bonus round because this needs to be said but i have never hated anything like i hated that fucking human tardis episode. everything about it induced violent anger in me from the sickening overindulgence of that softgoth dark whimsy helena bonham carter tim burton aesthetic to the bafflingly terrible evil carny stereotype of those junk scavengers to the overblown sudden tragic shipbait romance of human tardis and the doctor. every word out of her mouth was trite shit and the fact that the death of her body was presented as this super emotional dramatic scene despite there being no buy in or incentive to care and the fact that every single person on tumblr in 2012 ate that shit up like it was fucking gourmet. i loathe every single thing about that episode so much.

[shimmershae]

Remember all the ship imagery we got in the early episodes of this season?  Carol literally sailing toward Daryl in a boat, the ships all over her bedding, the helm in the background as Daryl takes her dinner and a flower, and Daryl’s comments about poking holes in any boats she might use to leave him again?  Well.  It just occurred to me, when Carol had her emotional breakthrough and decided to fight and stick around and work toward putting her demons to rest, i.e. go home to Daryl, it was after a boat literally fell on top of her.  And maybe it was an odd little coincidence, but somehow I don’t think so.

I mean.  The first instance, with Carol literally sailing toward a waiting Daryl was lightly tossed about as our ship finally, well, setting sail.  I know I had a lot of fun with the idea personally.  But shining a different light on it, I think Carol ‘coming home’ to Daryl was twofold.  One, she was literally coming home, albeit somewhat reluctantly because she still hadn’t figured out a way to reconcile her feelings on Henry’s death and all the traumas it pushed to the surface nor all of the emotions being back in the circle of those who know her best kept ever present.  And two, it showed that Daryl is not only her person or place of stability, but that he perhaps has already reached the point where he knows exactly what he wants and that’s Carol herself.  I mean, he’s literally right there, ready and wanting to be her port in the storm.  

Yeah, I don’t know if I’m explaining myself well.  I’m sure someone else can piggyback on this and do a much better job, but I’m going to keep spit balling okay?  Okay.  

The boats on Carol’s bedding were a nice little touch, don’t you think?  Especially since Carol’s been shown to dream about Daryl in that bed.  Not in exactly the way that some of us might want her to, lol, at least not onscreen because our girl did say to Michonne that her dreams were good and that’s why they hurt so very much--why oh why they cut that scene from the aired episode I’ll never understand, unless they wanted to play close to the vest with their hand for a little bit longer (unneeded IMHO since those that don’t want to see are not going to see what’s staring them right in the face until it bites their noses off, but I digress) but still.  It’s been shown and suggested she dreams about Daryl when she sleeps in that bed.  Basically, she only allows herself to semi-admit what she most wants in her dreams, and I don’t remember if we see that bedding again later or not but I did find it kind of weird at the time that she was sleeping on top of the covers.  It’s almost like she doesn’t want to embrace (cover up) the comfort that her subconscious offers her, huh?  Psst.  Daryl.  Or, you know, literally stop running and relax enough to truly let her mind and emotions settle.  

I’m digging a little deep aren’t I?  Oops.  Sorry if I sound semi-delusional.  I am somewhat sleep deprived.  But truly.  My brain cannot accept that all of this is mere coincidence so the hamster wheel is trying to theorize and this is what you get.  Sorry not sorry, lol.  

So where was I?  

So basically Daryl’s had his epiphany.  The years Carol spent by another man’s side weren’t something he reacted to with the usual or stereotypical signs of jealousy because he’s Daryl.  He wants the best for those he loves even at his own expense, but there was some deep-seated stuff there he maybe didn’t recognize right away or likely, as with Carol, didn’t want to immediately confront.   

Sigh.  These two and their shitty self-esteems.  Whatever are we going to do with them?  

Putting the rest behind a cut because this is about to get even longer.  Read at your own risk.  ;)

Shit may not be settled, but Daryl’s more settled and mature than he’s ever been and he knows what he wants:  Carol.  So he’s there waiting on Carol’s boat to sail in.  He’s right there.  Waiting on Carol to have the same epiphany or reach the same conclusion or not, whatever may come, because Dude loves her.  He might not have put words to it, but he’s shown her and us in so very many ways.  Carol might have come to him on the boat, but make no mistake.  At this point in time?  Our man is the captain of this ship.  He’s standing at the helm.  Get it?  The helm in the background?  Er, I’ll shut up before I make myself sound even nuttier, lol.  

Let’s talk a little bit more about Carol, shall we?  

So Carol.  She knows what or who she wants too.  She just hasn’t dared to voice it.  Even in those woods, when her subconscious in the form of Alpha pressed her to admit the truth she wouldn’t say the words out loud.  It’s almost like her keeping those feelings secret is her way of protecting Daryl from the ‘monster’ she feels like she’s become.  

Oh sweet baby girl.  My heart aches so much for her.  She just has no idea.  Really and truly no idea.  

Listen.  Daryl was completely serious about poking holes in all them boats.  And call this a reach if you want to, but I think that little comment of his was twofold as well.  More on that a little later.  

Dude isn’t all that well-versed in matters of the heart, especially with somebody that means so very much to him.  So understandably, he’s not going to automatically get everything right.  And let’s be real here.  He’s still so much more of a show than tell kind of guy so that’s what he’s been doing.  Showing Carol how much he cares.  Demonstrating his love by being there for her, by having her back, and by calling her on her bullshit (but only after she’s taken up all the slack and put them both and their communities in an arguably untenable position). He wants her to stay and he’s done everything within his power to make her want to stay--except say those three little words.  

Which circles me back around to the two-fold part of the holes in the boat comment.  You know where I’m going with this don’t you?  Don’t you, lol?  There’s someone else Daryl hasn’t said those three little words to or about, even after Carol herself tried her best to put them in his mouth.  Our guy went so far as to tell our thick-headed Queen that it’s not like that, not at all, effectively poking the biggest of many holes in the most present ship.  I say present for lack of any better moniker.  Let’s just say that it’s the most threatening in Carol’s mind and subconscious because literally the only person acting like it’s a real thing is Carol.  Kelly’s little wink and nod isn’t something I’m going to take on gospel because let’s just say a thousand and one ships could be launched at a teasing sister’s behest and only one or two be manufactured out of more than popsicle sticks and imagination.  How many cute guys did your little sisters have you in love with when they simply offered you a smile or kind word?  I literally cannot keep track of how many would-be suitors my little sister would have had me have, lol.  The list is simply too long.  It’s one of the things little sisters are so very (obnoxiously) good at--spinning fantasy into a reality of their own making.  But yeah, I’m going off on another tangent.  In case you haven’t noticed, I’m very good at that.    

My point is this, hahaha.  Daryl’s not just willing to poke holes in all the literal boats to keep Carol with him.  The man has also, in his Daryl way, poked holes in the notion that he could feel something romantically for another woman.  Because it isn’t like that.  Not for the captain of this ship.  He knows what he wants whether he’s managed to use his words yet or not.  

Carol’s trickier because she’s not reached the same sort of zen Daryl has yet.  She’s still operating under the erroneous assumption that she’s not good enough for her Mr. Crossbow and has been doing her level-best to steer him toward what she considers his perfect match even though her subconscious has been baiting her to just fess up to her buried truth--that she wants and loves Daryl just as much as he wants and loves her.  

But you know what happened?  

A literal boat fell on top of our girl’s hard head and knocked some sense into her.  Honestly.  While the circumstances were actually heartbreaking--our baby girl’s emotions have been so fucked up for so long over something that couldn’t necessarily be helped in the world she’s been surviving in--I have to laugh now,putting it into this newfound perspective.  Kang literally bashed my baby over the head with her demons and the truth of her feelings.  Seriously.  She held all her so-called ‘failings’ up in her face and had her confront them before confronting her with her biggest fear.  That fear being, you guessed it, that she lose Daryl.  

You know what happened from that point.  

Deciding that she could never let that happen, Carol had her own epiphany--it’s never too late--and she decided to fight and she went home to Daryl.  Really went home to him and yeah, things are still up in the air because Angela Kang wanted to blue ball us just a wee bit more but I can’t be the only one hearing those drums break for their big solo in that old Phil Collins song, lol.  

I can almost taste canon on my tongue and hoo boy is it sweet.  A little bit spicy too.  

Damn the coronavirus.  Seriously.  Send that thing right back to hell.  

I don’t know about y’all but I need that finale yesterday.  

Anyhoo.  If you found your way to this last sentence after this mega stream of consciousness hooey, bless you.  If you feel inclined to add your own thoughts to my sleep-deprived thoughts, be my guest.  

Later, lovelies.  

Keep calm and Caryl the fuck on.