#and she's good for just scouting too I freakin want them to let me use her outside this one area sO BAD

[nightmareonpeachstreet]

friendship ended with treasure compass, now Sorush is my best friend

[lovebunnie]

“so are we just not gonna talk about it?”

spy looks over the edge of his cigarette to the scout, leaning against a wall in feigned nonchalance. he looks agitated with fingers curled into white knuckled fists. he looks ready to hit someone, spy thinks. ever the violent little thing.

“you will have to be more specific.”

scout scoffs. “thats’a no then.”

“say what you want, boy.” the spy exhales his smoke out of the corner of his mouth.

scout's nose crinkles as he steels himself as though preparing to weather a storm. the tension between them feels thick as the spy's already charred lungs feel even more strained. faint redness tinges the boy's cheeks and the spy knows that scout is trying not to cry.

"what good is it if you wont freakin' listen? whats the point in trying to say anything when every one of ya jerks look at me like im not in on it, like im the last to know. i have eyes." scout's frame shakes, turning to face the spy. "im not that stupid, i can connect the dots.”

“you are talking in circles. this game you are playing had no place among coworkers-“

“youre my father, you asshole.”

spy slowly takes his cigarette from his mouth. he lets the silence take hold of the room to mask the feeling of cold dread washing over him. it was never supposed to be this way. “ah, i see,” he mutters.

“yea,” scout spits, “been searching for the bastard my whole life and it freakin’ figures id meet him here, at the end of the world.”

“life is surely funny that way.”

“doesnt feel very funny.”

the spy watches scout shuffle his feet. “you were never supposed to find out like this.”

“dont give me that.” the scout hisses the words and the red raising in his cheeks disguises his smattering of freckles. the spy thinks he looks older like this, settled into his rage. “i wasnt never supposed to know, was i?”

he could lie. he has been lying his whole life and it came to him far easier. there was already a story at the tip of his tongue about waiting for the right time and place, about waiting for when all the bloodshed was over to finally embrace his role as a father. really, he should lie to save his own sanity and peace of mind in the workplace if nothing else.

“no, you were not.” however, the truth sneaks out of spy like an exhale.

the scout jerks a nod and looks away. his throat clicks with the swallowing of tears and the little boy from another lifetime ago is standing right in front of spy all of a sudden. the small hands that grabbed his fingers when he was a newborn now clench onto nothing. wide eyes once full of wonder were now unable to meet his own.

“you were just gonna, what, keep going here until one of us died? everyone was just going to keep this to themselves and let me rot with it?” the scout takes a deep breath. “my ma knows too, doesnt she? has known about it the whole freakin’ time i bet.” he deflates a bit at the mention of his mother.

“she wanted me to keep an eye on you,” the spy says.

at once, something gripes scout and suddenly the rage is back, sparking and sputtering with righteous fury. “jesus christ, again with the lies? you were gonna keep an eye on me, oh, like back when i was a kid and getting my lunch money taken? back when i had to earn my place in the neighborhood just to keep from getting pummeled?” he points a finger. “you never did anything even close to protect me. when ma couldnt pick me up from practice because she was home with the flu, it was benny who came to get me, not you. when i needed field trip permission slips signed, matty taught me how to forge a signature.” one finger becomes two and counts up in time with his words. “randy taught me how to tie my shoes. eddie knew where id always forget my backpack. sammy let me pick any candy i wanted when we went to the grocery store.”

the spy stays silent. no words come to him.

“and when i got here, who showed me where to put my things? it wasnt you spy, it was demo. when i had to ask about my shots getting delivered here, did you go out of your way to make it happen? no, medic did that too. did you ask me what i wanted for breakfast or was that heavy? did my father ever offer to upgrade my weapons or did engie do that?”

the scout, during his scolding, had involuntarily stepped closer and closer to the spy until they were in each other’s faces. the air felt thick, and spy wanted to cloak right now more than anything on earth.

scout steps back. “i didnt need a father then and i sure as hell dont need one now,” he says.

if the world was right and just, spy would apologize right now and say he regretted leaving his son as he did all those years ago. he would promise that the lies ended here. he would promise to start being the father scout deserved, better late then never.

but unfortunately, the world was how it was. “are you quite done?”

scout stares at him for a moment with his jaw somewhat dropped, and the spy feels his heart break at the realization that the scout had had hope in a different outcome.

“youre a real piece of work,” scout grumbles. “lets both forget this happened, okay? dont even bother trying to pretend to care, either. we should both just forget about each other like this, im too tired to deal with any more.” the scout takes a step back before a smirk tugs at his lips and he gives a watery snort. “ya know, life is funny that way. this time, i get to be the one to walk away.”

before spy can try to respond, the scout turns on his heel and walks away, as was his birth right, as was his nature.

like father, like son.

[doopy-n-loopy]

Yan!TF2 × reader headcannons (SFW and NSFW)

// obsessive tendancies, mentions of violence, blood, sexual themes, noncon

[SFW]

Let's start with the defense classes

Defense:

Demoman

Deffo didn't admit that he loved you

Tbh he probably blamed it on his drunkenness

But dude you're always drunk

I mean seriously if he sobers up he'll genuinely die so like-

He would usually drink with you or just around you if you don't drink

He's generally a fun chill guy to be with

He would watch you from a distance at times, especially during battle you might distract the cyclops

He's okay with you asking questions

One time he broke his eyepatch and needed a new one

You gave him a nice black eyepatch with the demoman emblem on it

He gets all red whenever you say his full name, because he knows you remembered it

He is generally against kidnapping, I mean especially since he lives with his ma he'd rather not

And because he's a gentleman

If you ever reciprocate his feelings he'll make sure to treat you right

He is a messy person but for you? He'll clean

Probably would get carried away and make home made bombs with all the cleaning supplies 🤦‍♂️

Takes you to meet his mom

"ooo Tavish, yer gonna get me some grand kiddos are ya?"

That made you both blush like crazy

Soft cheek kisses

Probably made a special bomb and named it after you

"this one's for you, luv!" *Proceeds to set off all stickybombs which blows up the entire enemy team*

Blew up the last guy who looked at you funny

Hell, even worse when they make a sexual remark to you scout probably did it

Likes to give you your space but when he's paranoid he follows you to wherever or watched you from a distance

Heavy

Two words: big boy

Hugs are 10000000000/10

Sometimes it fewls suffocating but man it's like hugging a cloud

Soft forehead kisses

Russian pet names

He sometimes lets you touch Sasha, that's how he knows he loves you because he doesn't even let medic, his best friend, touch her

Probably named a gun after you or one of the pet names he calls you

You definitely met his family and they loved you

Zana especially

Doesn't get jealous easily but will not hesitate to unload 12 pounds of bullets into someone who even LOOKS at you the wrong way

Lord have mercy on the ones who dare flirt with you, rest in pieces scout

Doesn't really follow you anywhere (you're a bit too fast for him) but he does watch you and check up on you

He preforms okay on the battlefield but when you're around, he'll show off

Will cook for you, mainly russian dishes

He's very against kidnapping and would rather not do it

Doesn't shut up about you when he's around medic

Engineer

F l u f f y

Very softspoken in general but he gets all flustered when you talk to him

Will check up on you occasionally

"Darlin'" "Honey bunny" things like that y'know

Huge smile when you're around

Will cook for you most definitely, knows what you like

Makes little robots for you

Likes seeing you use his dispenser

Doesn't get jealous easily either but will try and take you away from someone who wants your attention

Likes just having you in his presence, doesn't need to talk to be happy with you around

Very very against kidnapping like all other defense classes, wouldn't do it unless if he truly felt the need to, last resort kind of thing

The last guy who flirted with you had a sentry gun shoved up his ass

Doesn't really follow you anywhere

Offense:

Scout

Nothing short of a horomonal teenager

I mean he's 21 but

He gets so giddy around you, very loud, tries to show off

He loves you very much

"oh yeah? Well I once absolutely smashed a guy into peices, he was still screaming when he was dead!"

He brags about brutal things but hey you love it since you're also brutal

Flexes his non-existent muscles around you

Would talk about his mom to you all day

Definitely got a tattoo of your face and name somewhere on his body, most likely his bicep

Your name is probably misspelled too but you never say anything about it because he can't read so it's fine

He hasn't really thought about kidnapping in all honesty, again, a last resort kinda thing if he can't get you to love him

He will make a damn SCENE if anyone flirts with you

"you think that's funny, chucklenuts? I eat guys like you for breakfast lunch AND dinner!" "I'll blow yer freakin head off if ya talk to y/n like that again!" Would definitely drag you away

God help anyone that makes you uncomfortable, he'll fuck them up, if that person is medic I mean he'll try to but we all know how fucking scary medic is

Follows you at times

Pyro

"Mphmphmpph"

Seems more lovey around you

Definitely gave you a hand full of the enemy's bloody bones thinking it was a bouquet of flowers

Absolute baby

Just so precious, scary but precious

Hugs for days

Good luck trying to get their ass off of you when you're on cease-fire

Very warm though, they smell like smoke with a bit of blood

Likes petting you

Isn't against the idea of kidnap because they don't realize what they're actually doing, they think they're just taking you to a magical place

Snuggles

When someone flirts with you their whole world changes

Gets angry and starts yelling at them

"MPHMPHMOHMPHHH! MPHMPHNHUMAHUMA!" - Pyro 2021

Will not let you get a checkup alone, he trusts medic but not with you

Very sweet tho, he'll turn around when you need to strip down

Will follow you almost EVERYWHERE and if they can, while holding your hand

Soldier

Yells at you a little less than the others

At first doesn't realize how he feels but then realizes that he loves you

Is pretty protective over you

Rants about America all day to you

Probably got you an american flag to wear

Doesn't really take off his helmet but he likes seeing you in it, makes him proud

If you ever live with him you'll find out that he owns like 20 racoons

"YOU ARE CUTER THAN A RACOON" "YOU WILL BE SAFE ON THE BATTLEFIELD, DO YOU HEAR ME MAGGOT?"

He loudly wakes everyone up in the morning but tries to avoid waking you up

Loves you as much as he loves America

Will show off on the battlefield for you

Isn't against kidnapping you, he probably did it early on if you showed immediately that you didn't reciprocate his feelings

Will blow any guy that hits on you to absolute bits

"MAGGOT DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL LEAVE THE LADY/MAN ALONE THIS INSTANT!"

Probably put you on his back and rocket jumped just to show you what it felt like

Follows you around a lot, it's really obvious because he wears a bucket over his head and crashes into things, when you look back he'll stand behind a lamp post or somewhere really obvious

Support

Ah yes, everyones favorite class including mine

Sniper

Very quiet

Takes secret glances at you

Pays more attention to you than the others

S h y

Asks how you are, how you slept, etc

Doesn't really need to be holding you, tbh he's against PDA

But he likes being in your presence

Just sit down next to him and he'll be fine

When he's on the battlefield, he'll look for you and make sure you're safe

God forbid anyone try to hurt you, he'll make them suffer

Talks about Australia to you and accidentally admitted that he wanted to take you there

Doesn't like the idea of kidnapping but he isn't totally against it, I can see him doing it

He smuggled you all the damn way to Australia

He'll nonchalantly show off to you on the battlefield, he'll let you get cornered and come in to save the day

"love" is a word he uses a lot with you

Will grumble to himself if he sees someone flirting with you

If it's a random person, well, that'll be the last time you ever see them

Has talked about you to his parents

Kind of follows you? I mean he sits atop a high placeand watches you through his scope whenever you're going somewhere

Spy

SEDUCTIVE ASF

He knows what he's doing

Will kiss your hand a lot

Likes to flirt with you and see you blush

"honhonhon"

Sleazy french fucker

Watched you from afar at first then approached you a little later

Isn't against the idea of kidnapping, pro kidnapping, definitely did it not only to have you to himself but for some sort of sexual satisfaction

Just very uh... Lewd? Can't find the right word

He treats you very respectfully though

If he hears anyone else flirting with you he'll be fuming but won't show it

"Oh please, like you could EVER satisfy y/n's desires"

That person mysteriously disappeared that night

Very cocky bastard

Definetly follows you home, not only that but he watches you through your window

And stalks you

He knows everything about you

Would get you either by knocking you unconscious or by blackmailing you

Medic

B a s t a r d

Gets LOUD when you're around

And giddy

Very touchy, always has a reason to put his hands on you

Talks a lot with you around, I mean he already talks a lot but now he won't shut up

Keeps his office nice and clean for you

He restocks on everything so when you come around you can take a loot at all his medicines

Big smile :D

Like spy he is not at all against kidnapping you

Makes sure you're comfortable during checkups

Will make you wait to be seen last just so he can take his time touching your body

"it's all part of the procedure".mp3

Compliments you in weird ways, ex: "your skin is so smooth and lovely, it's the perfect texture to make leather out of" "you have an amazing colon"

Look he's just trying his best here he has a screw loose

You're the only member who he's careful with really

Sometimes allows you to get hurt or has you get hurt by something just so you can see him

Always follows you wherever

Knows everything about you

If someone is flirting with you, he'll get quiet at first and use a low tone to speak to them

"you have guts talking to y/n like that"

They were never seen again

With kidnapping, he won't hesitate to use blackmail against you, or will just use anesthesia

Bonus: Pauling

Pauling

This lady values her work over her life, but to her you're so much more important

Will call you a lot on the battlefield to check in on you

Won't give you extremely hard missons to do because she doesn't want you to get hurt

"Hey (class), Pauling here. I need you... No not like that I just- I mean- for a mission yeah a mission"

Gets all flustered when you're around

Will take her only day off to spend time with you, what a sweetheart

Keeps multiple tabs on you

Follows you around

Doesn't really have time for kidnapping

But if it comes to that, she'll make something up so she has a reason to kidnap you

If anyone else is flirting with you she won't show that she's annoyed

She'll make something up as an excuse to execute them

[NSFW]

Defense

Demo

Has definitely thought of what you'd look like while naked

B l u s h

Has used a mental image of you to get off before

Probably has an actual photo of you

When he drinks a little more than usual, he'll accidentally brush his hand against your ass or get touchy with you

Will not force himself on you, he's 100% against that

If you decide to have sex with him, praise is what you're gonna get

"you're as beautiful as a shot of whiskey in the sunrise"

Very gentle with his hands

Heavy

Not the type to masturbate

Unless if he gets THAT worked up

Again, against forcing himself on you

But if you want it no doubt you will top

He's also gentle with you

And loving

Praise is all you're gonna get

Sometimes russian sometimes broken english

Either way he will worship your body

Engi

Again, a more modest guy, doesn't really touch himself

Might just use a robot to pleasure himself when thinking about you

Probably has a photo of you and him around his workshop

Never forces himself on you

He's sweet and gentle when you do want it though

Sometimes gets help from his robot friends

Offense

Scout

Gets off on thinking about you

Won't force himself on you though

Sexual remarks × 100

Calls you handsome/beautiful in bed

I wouldn't say he's the best in bed but hey he's good I guess

Cuddles after sex most likely

Probablh threw out all his sexual magazines because they just didn't do the trick anymore

Sometimes when he runs past you, your shirt/skirt gets lifted up by a gust of wind and he can't help but look ( ͡◉ ͜ ʖ ͡◉)

Since I hit the text limit, I'll be making a part 2, stay tuned

[aggressive-positivity-network]

Do you have any autistic Scout headcanons? :P

Hell yeah!

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. A lot of people might think that Scout has ADHD, but I think he either has both ADHD and autism or just autism.

This is both because labeling Scout as having just ADHD is kind of a low-hanging fruit, and I also want to explore his symptoms a little more. So, in a word, I do, and thank you for asking about them!

*****************

Scout’s Spectrum:

So, where exactly does Scout fall on the autism spectrum?

First of all, he probably has both ADHD and autism, but wasn’t diagnosed with the latter until much later. This means that some of his symptoms were taken into account, but not all.

The ones that were paid attention to ramped up out of control, and the ones he didn’t hear about were stuffed away.

His ADHD symptoms include impulsiveness, need for stimulation, hyperfixations, forgetfulness, and insomnia; his autism symptoms include trouble with social skills, stimming, near inability to remember names and faces, lack of eye contact, hyperfixations again, and sensory processing issues, especially with noise and touch.

He used to have a lot of meltdowns when he was younger, usually about wearing new clothes and the amount of noise his eight brothers generated.

However, he was teased and pushed into masking nearly all the time, and made his whole personality about his ADHD, since that was what everyone accepted.

As he got older, he usually wrote off any autistic tendencies as either his ADHD or just “little habits” of his.

During his middle school years, he used energy drinks to bounce back from being exhausted every day after school. This would work, except those energy drinks would upset his ADHD, and would make it much harder to focus on even basic conversation.

After a while, he got such bad grades and had such a hard time making friends that Scout just stopped going to school altogether.

Baseball helped his focus, and the quick movement and thinking made a lot of sense to him. He never had to wait very long for the next development, and the instant gratification and community it provided supplemented what he never got at school.

With sports on his side, he rarely ever drank any energy drinks (the coach would never let them on the field), and he drank bucketfuls of water during every meet and game. Those teenage years were probably the healthiest he ever was.

However, with the amount of rumbles he got into with his brothers, and the turf wars that constantly raged in those neighborhoods, it was only a matter of time before his crime caught up with him.

After his first incarceration, he was booted from the team, which led to a downward spiral of unhealthy coping mechanisms - which included fighting someone tooth and nail whenever he could.

Even if he lost the fight, it not only catered to his impulsive nature and impatience, but also gave him roughly the same sense of friendship and camaraderie that baseball had.

One thing led to another, and by the time Mann Co. found him, Scout was a monster in hand to hand (and bat to bat) and had racked up quite the criminal record.

A perfect mercenary, ripe for the picking.

On The Team:

Scout very quickly adopted the “stupid, scrappy Boston boy” persona.

It was the only thing that made sense, and it kept him from having to try too hard in both the battlefield and socially.

Besides, that meant that he could be as silly, forgetful, and fidgety as he wanted, and no one would bat an eye.

And if he ever needed to take a break from the team, he figured everyone would appreciate the quiet.

The only thing that ever gave him away was him occasionally dissociating right when battle began, especially if the day had been stressful.

It was usually how he calmed down after a fight when he was young, but now he sometimes slid into that state when he was overwhelmed.

However, a yell from one of his teammates would usually snap him out of it.

Medic noticed this pretty early on, and wanted to look more into it, but Scout would keep making excuses not to get a mental examination.

He would blame it on zoning out, being tired, drinking too many Bonks - whatever it took for people to stop asking.

And, eventually, they did.

Even Medic stopped asking after a while - he couldn’t get a thing out of Scout.

This “try so little that when you do try it’s above average” charade worked for a long time. In fact, it went on for so long that Scout forgot how much he was actually capable of.

He began to internalize the stupidity, the exacerbation, the many comments on how dumb he was, everything.

The only time he ever gave his all was on the battlefield - moving fast, memorizing strategies, doing complicated footwork, knowing exactly how much force it took to crush someone’s skull with his bat.

That was one of the only things that he felt good doing, the only thing he could really work on without him being “found out.”

That and drawing, though he never showed the actual pieces to anyone. It was all stick figures and crooked lines with everyone else.

Sometimes, though, Scout wouldn’t be paying attention and he’d let something slip.

One time, Engineer was looking for his screwdriver, and couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.

Scout, not looking up from his comic, said, “Under the couch cushion, hard hat.”

Engineer bent down and reached into the couch, and his hand came back with his red and yellow striped screwdriver.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

At first Engineer thought Scout had just hid it, but Scout explained, still not paying attention:

“Last time we went out on th’ field, you had it on your belt, like always. But I was walkin’ by your workshop, you were usin’ a quarter to tighten a screw or somethin’. Your screwdriver had to be somewhere between the battlefield and your workshop. Engie, you’re like freakin’ clockwork. Every day, after a fight, you go to the kitchen, get a water, go to that couch, between the second and third cushion from the left, and sit there. Then ya go back to the fridge to get lunch and a beer, and ya go to your workshop until somebody needs you for somethin’. Your back loop in your tool belt is looser than all the others, ‘cause the screwdriver pulls against it when you sit down. The shank was probably in between the two cushions, and when you got up, it fell in. Demo, Pyro, and Heavy all sit on the second or third cushion at some point, so it got shimmied down. And since that’s the only time you sat down, ‘cause you woulda heard it if it dropped on the floor, and I…uh…”

“I’ll be damned,” Engie repeated, and felt the back tool belt loop. It was indeed loose.

Scout finally looked up, and realized what had happened.

“Uh, uh - l-lucky guess, huh Engie?”

Engineer squinted behind his goggles. “Yeah…real lucky…”

What ensued was Engie trying to get Scout to turn into a B.L.U Spy by chasing him around with his wrench. After a few good hits, though, Engineer saw that it was the teammate he knew and loved.

“But…how didja…?”

Scout threw his hand up, the other rubbing the back of his head where he’d been hit.

“I toldja Engie! Lucky guess! Jesus!”

Ever since then, Scout chose his words more carefully.

The Breakdown:

But, unfortunately, Scout could not pretend forever.

There was one week where Scout’s assignment count was so high that, if he wasn’t in a fight, he was on a mission.

Usually, Pauling wouldn’t trust him with so much, but no one else was available - or willing - to do the jobs.

Even when she was getting concerned about the amount of hours Scout was putting in, he blew it off.

“It’s no sweat, Miss Pauling! Their practically givin’ me the pay day. Those yahoos don’t know who they’re messin’ with.”

Over time, though, Scout had a harder and harder time staying focused and alert.

He’d sleep through alarms, stare off into space, zone out completely during briefing (not that he didn’t already do that), have a hard time hearing people in battle - even through his headset - ignore Spy’s taunts, and even forget to bring his bat onto the field.

Nothing seemed to help - Bonk!, warming up, stretching, cold showers, setting reminders, nothing.

And the team was starting to notice.

At first it was with the regular frustration - maybe Scout was just being lazy.

But as time went on, and his condition grew worse, their scorn turned into worry. They implored Medic to do something, but he had no way of getting through to Scout.

The doctor wasn’t above simply sedating him and dragging him into his lab for a check-up. However, he had a feeling that this was more than a physical issue.

The worst came when Scout was doing a routine battle with the B.L.U team on the field.

Everything had started out okay - he even remembered to bring his bad this time - but suddenly, everything was ear-splittingly loud.

He couldn’t focus on more than one sound at once, much less communicate the best course of action to his teammates.

He ended up hiding in a dilapidated shed, in a dusty, dark corner, somewhere between zoning out and panicking.

Scout’s head was in his knees, he was shaking, close to crying, when a sudden splitting of wood roused him.

A B.L.U Soldier had kicked his way into the shed, either having heard Scout or to hide from the other team.

Scout was stunned at first, but something of a blind terror filled him. He picked up his bat, screamed, and started pummeling the surprised Soldier.

At some point, he threw aside his bat and began to swing punch after punch, just like he did in his gang days when he had felt overwhelmed. Still screaming. Still crying.

By the time Scout had dissolved into a rocking, sobbing mess, the Soldier was long dead, with a gigantic pool of blood staining Scout’s shoes.

No one even knew where Scout was until a few hours later, when Spy heard a faint note of “Sexbomb” coming from Scout’s Walkman.

Scout had crawled into the shed’s framework, between the outer and inner wall, and was playing a specific verse over and over and over again, looking like he was on another plane of existence.

Spy immediately called for Medic, who had to lift Scout out by the underarms through a jagged hole in the side of the building. By then, the fight was over, so they could take him directly to the lab.

Medic’s Evaluation:

“I’m guessing zhis is your first mental breakdown?”

“Mental…doc, I ain’t crazy. Wait, you’re not goin’ to put me in a straight jacket, are ya?”

“If you’re not doing anyzhing later.”

Medic started to laugh, but quickly realized this might not be the time.

“No, Scout, everyvun has a mental breakdown at least vunce in their lives. It’s a…how do you say…a vake-up call of sorts. Vhen your body has no other options left.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“For zhe past few months, you health, both physical and mental, has been deteriorating. You eat less. You talk less. Your attacks are lackluster. You have bags under your eyes. You flinch vhen somevun yells for you. You stare off into space. Your routine, vhich usually has at least some changes, has become stringent, as if you can’t possibly expend any more energy into extra activities. You have avoided Demoman on zhe battlefield, even though you usually use him for cover.”

Medic flipped through his notes.

“I have pages and pages of your decline. However, as a scientist, I believe it is caused by zhe same source. And, though I usually respect my patient’s right to privacy vhen it comes to these sorts of matters, I believe you’ve been keeping something from me. Something that I should know as your general practitioner…your doctor.”

Scout shrugged, already shutting out the conversation.

Medic sighed.

“Maybe I tried to talk to you about zhis too soon. After all, you’ve just had a very sudden and exhausting episode. But…perhaps…”

Medic took a sheet of printer paper from his clipboard and a spare pen from his pocket.

“…zhere is an alternative.”

Scout was still unresponsive, but Medic continued.

“Zhere is a patient in my vaiting room vis a metal pole through the chest. It vill take me at least an hour to properly remove it, and a few minutes more to heal zhe area. Vhile I do zhat, vhy don’t you draw how you feel?”

Medic smiled.

“I know how much it grounds you.”

It wasn’t until Medic left that Scout actually picked up the pen, but he began drawing immediately.

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t trying to hide his strokes or scratch up the cleaner lines. No more stick figures. No more pretending.

Five minutes later, he was fully engrossed.

Medic started to walk in at one point, but, seeing how relaxed Scout was, decided to give him a few more minutes.

He deserved it.

[thetriggeredhappy]

Hello first off! I love your writing, and I've been on a sudden tf2 hyperfocus especially on Scout so your content? Golden. I usually am hesitant to ask for requests but, if you ever feel up to it, I would love to see your take on Dadgineer and Scout? Thank you so much and happy holidays!!

i would argue the engineer is in a perpetual state of dad but let’s just ramp it up from like a 6 to like an 8 or 9 how abt that

(no warnings)

-

The track of footprints he saw in his workshop first thing when he got out of his truck were a reminder, once again, that he really needed to remember to turn on the security system whenever he went into town.

“Yo, what’s up?” Scout greeted from his place kicked back way too far on one of the shop stools, grinning up from the magazine he was fairly sure he’d left nowhere near that side of the room.

A jab to one of the legs of the stool as he passed by got Scout to squawk and lean it back down to sit properly. He dropped his keys in the tray they belonged to and turned, leveling a stern look at the young man. “Hidy yourself,” he said, tone dry. “Care to tell me why you’re breakin’ into my workshop again, Scooter?”

“Hey, I didn’t break into nothin’, you left the back door unlocked,” Scout protested, tossing the magazine down.

“Well, if you’ve got the time to waste walkin’ all the way around the whole damn building to trespass, you’ve got time to help me unload the truck,” he said, and raised his voice to speak over the immediate groan from Scout. “With minimal backsass, thank you.”

Scout made a face to compensate, but stood up regardless. “No wonder you were gone all freakin’ day, you went all the way into town?” he asked, incredulous as he followed the Engineer out the garage door to the waiting truck. “What’d you head all the way out there for?”

“Xylene,” he shrugged, popping the tailgate down and hefting a canister, handing it off to Scout.

“Hey, good for you, man. Is she nice?” Scout asked as he took the canister with only a bit of a visible struggle lifting it, and it took the Engineer a good five seconds to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

“Xylene ain’t a—it’s not my—it’s paint stripper,” he stammered, flustered, putting down his own canisters to shut the tailgate.

“Look, it’s none of my business if she’s your girlfriend or what, man, let alone her day job,” Scout shrugged, turning to head back in.

“No, not—“ he started to stammer again, and then he caught the way Scout was snickering under his breath and just bapped him on the back of his head with his glove, picking up the other two canisters again and following after him. “Damn fool. Xylene’s just a type of solvent, or paint thinner.”

“So why do you need that?” Scout asked.

“Gonna use it as a cleaner, mostly, then for a bit of help with a few paint jobs I’ve got lined up,” he replied.

“Cool. Like, we talkin’ fences?”

“Nah, nothin’ like that,” the Engineer said, guiding him to set the canisters down to one side of the door.

“I don’t really know shit about paint, besides spray paint,” Scout said, setting the canister down and just barely missing landing it on his own foot, the Engineer flinching a bit at the sight. “Now that I know a thing or two about.”

“Well, you keep your spray paint away from my machines, y’hear? I don’t take kindly to vandalism,” he warned, moving to shut the garage door.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Scout waved off, tugging on his hat.

It was only when he’d finished dusting off his hands that he looked over and realized something. “...Scooter, any particular reason you were in here waiting?” he asked, frowning a bit.

“I mean, nah, not really,” Scout laughed, tugging on his hat a bit more, then finally pulling it off altogether to wring it between his hands, not entirely making eye contact. “Like, it’s not a big deal or nothin’. I just had kind of a weird question, is all. Like, if you’re busy, don’t even worry about it.”

He raised an eyebrow, leaning against one of the workbenches. “Not elbow-deep in anything at the moment,” he said, “I’m all ears.”

Scout nodded, fidgeted. “Uh, guess I was just wonderin’, if uh... so, do you gotta change the oil on a motorcycle?”

“Yup. Regularly,” he nodded.

“Oh. How, uh, how often? Like, how regularly?” he asked, looking a little nervous.

“Yearly, about,” he shrugged. “Every few thousand miles it gets driven. Little more often than the oil on a car.”

“Oh,” Scout said again, and the Engineer’s eyebrows drew together.

“Scooter, are you tellin’ me you’ve never changed the oil on your motorcycle?” he asked, deadpan.

“Uh. Well... yeah,” he admitted.

“How long have you had the thing?” he asked, incredulous.

“Uh. Couple years,” he admitted, more quietly, still not making eye contact.

“Scout,” he admonished, and Scout shrunk a little. “Ain’t you ever had a machine to take care of before? Have you never had a car?”

“I could walk wherever I needed to go in Boston!” he protested. “Or get a ride from a friend or somethin’.”

“So you never had anyone tell you how to change the oil on a car growin’ up?” he asked, outright incredulous.

“Ma doesn’t know shit about cars, you kiddin’? She barely knows how to work the record player and even then she’d call me into the room whenever she wanted to change out the disk,” Scout scoffed.

The Engineer went to ask another question, but managed to stop himself before he could get too far into the sentence ‘What about your dad?’

A beat of silence. “So, uh, yeah, I should probably take that in then, huh?” Scout asked awkwardly.

“Absolutely not,” the Engineer said firmly, and moved over to one of the larger shelves, starting to sift through the tubes and bottles and canisters there. “Your bike’s still parked out ‘round the side of the building by the bread truck, ain’t it?”

“Uh,” Scout said, “yeah, I think?”

“Hold these,” the Engineer said, handing Scout a set of wrenches and starting to load a carrier with bottles. “I’m takin’ you out to show you how to do it yourself, and all the other sorts of maintenance, besides.”

“Woah, hey, c’mon, can’t I just take it into one of those, uh, oil change places?” Scout asked, fumbling for a free hand as he was handed the carrier and a few more tools.

“And have ‘em tell you every third bolt is rusted and you need to replace both tires three times apiece and you gotta rebuild the whole damn thing and then charge you by the hour to do it, no, you’re gonna do it yourself and then you won’t get yourself swindled,” the Engineer said firmly, and gestured at Scout to follow him, taking a few things off his hands when it became clear he’d drop them within five steps. “C’mon, then, let’s go.”

“Uh, okay,” Scout stammered, fumbling further for a moment before hurrying to follow.

And he continued to fumble his way through the process, and through the Engineer’s questions, and on the way back to the workshop again, but nodded with no small amount of enthusiasm when the Engineer suggested he help him next year, too.

[naktergalen]

Rivamika Fic Suggestions List 2

Hey there again! It’s been a while since my last rivamika post and I apologies for that. I caught the reading bug and have just been hitting book after book. I might be doing a book of the month suggestion starting in March. I’m still thinking about it but if that is something your interested in let me know. Or if you just want book suggestions just message or ask me. But for now, I’m back with my second Rivamika Fic Suggestions List.

First of all, I want to thank you for all the comments and messages I received from my first list! I think it has over 150 notes now which is crazy for me. I was going to be ecstatic if it got like 10 likes or something hahaha! I’ve enjoyed talking to some of you about fics and other snk stuff. Feel free to do the same after this post! I know I take awhile to respond but swear I get there eventually.

Same rules as last time. I’ve split this list up into four categories. I wanted to let people know the status of some of these fics in case they did not want to start an incomplete or in progress story. All of these fics can be found on AO3. I’m going to try to link them but we will see how tumblr acts today. If you have any fic suggestions for me, feel free to message me with them and I can add them on to the next list. If any author sees their story on here and wants me to take it off the list, please let me know I don’t wish to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Also, last thing, I highly recommend leaving comments and kudos to the authors. I know that they greatly appreciate it and it helps them with improving their writing through feedback. Okay shutting up now, ON WITH THE LIST!

DISCLAIMER: I know that not all of these stories are not for everyone, these are just my opinions and suggestions.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Completed:

- Thunder Clouds

Author: K_Lionheart

Rating: Mature

Sometimes I like to go to the very back of the Rivamika archive on AO3 and look for fics that have gotten buried over time. Low and behold what I have found lol! I enjoyed the emotional roller coaster when I was reading this fic, though sometimes I wanted to pull my hair out. Set after the titans are gone, humanity has to repopulate so arranged couples by the monarch are made to be wed. While this new order is being enforced, Mikasa and Levi are trying to work out their strained relationship. A slow burn with angst that will have you staying up till 3am dying to know what happens next. I know that there is a sequel to this fic called Nimbus and I’m slowly working my way through that one. Honestly, it will probably go on my next list.

- Red is the Only Colour

Author: mongoose_bite

Rating: Mature

A cute fic that was a quick but wild ride. A Little Red Riding Hood type of AU where Mikasa is a hunter of some sorts traveling through a town. I don’t want to say how Levi plays into all of this since it gets border line spoilers but just know that he is there. It is an opening ending fic for the author to come back if they plan on doing so but it can be interpreted in different ways. All in all, a fic worth of the quick read.

- Sing Me a Song

Author: LazyTrash

Rating: Mature

First I have to get this off my chest, I love the author’s name hahaha! I freakin wished I would have thought of that for mine! Anyway, this fic is wonderful but I will warn you that its a gut punch. If you like hurt and angst put together, then this is the story for you. I love these types of fics because I adore them so much but they hurt me in my soul. I don’t know what that says about me but whatever. I don’t want to delve into the story too much for spoilers but I would suggest rivamika fans to check this one out.

- Midnight Musings

Author: Raewyll

Rating: Teen

I just started to read Raewyll’s fics so I’m slowly working my way through all her works. This one caught my eye and I had to read it. This is a cute take on a chance meeting through texting the wrong number. I love the way Levi and Mikasa’s relationship blossoms into something more serious after causally texting back and forth. It’s one of those stories that I can only describe as being cute as shit! I’m definitely going to be checking out more of Raewyll’s fic in the future.

Ongoing:

- Beyond the Walls

Author: helena3190

Rating: Matue

If you love RIvamika angst, then look no further than this baby right here. This is currently my favorite ongoing fic. It was supposed to be a shorter story, but the author keeps adding more chapters so I’m not complaining hahaha! This fic is pretty much how I would *personally* picture canon Mikasa on how she would deal with realizing that she’s falling in love with someone. Its mostly told in the perspective of Mikasa as she is dealing with the after effects of war and trying to figure out what should she do with her life now that she is no longer a solider. Her feeling for Levi come with a lot of confusion as she’s discovering emotions that she has never felt before. She has a hard time pinpointing on what exactly describes her relationship with him. I’m anxiously waiting for the final chapter for this fic and dying to see how it will end for Mikasa and Levi.

- After the War

Author: loneackerman

Rating: Mature

I am loving this rivamika slow burn fic right here. Its similar to Beyond the Walls but I think the author adds their own taste of the 1920s into it. Set after the war is over (obviously), Mikasa and Levi have to figure out what they are going to do the rest of their lives. It has great tension, a perfectly paced gradual romance and just the right amount of humor to combat the emotional turmoil it puts you through. Again in my opinion, this is close to how I would realistically perceive Levi and Mikasa’s relationship evolving. I’m really enjoying this story and I’m looking forward to more updates to come!

- The Sound of Lightning

Author: LycheeGreenTea

Rating: Mature

A new fic that is just getting started but I can tell that what the author has in store is going to be interesting. Set several years after the end of the war, Levi and Mikasa are loving parents to a single child. Their peaceful life comes to an end when the family has a threat against them. There are not many long fics about Mikasa and Levi being parent so I was very happy when this one popped up on the AO3 feed. An exciting adventure awaits the Ackerman family now and I can’t wait to see where this fic goes in the future. There are three chapters as of now so head over there and check it out.

Incomplete:

- Home

Author: MissErikaCourt

Rating: Mature

One of the gems I found when diving back into the Rivamika archive. Ugh I HATE that this fic is incomplete!!! Its a good long fic but I’m greedy and I need more! I will give a warning first that this fic does contain heavy themes. Mikasa and Levi are in the underground to fight against a criminal ring. This story is a slow burn with action and emotional trauma. There is a wonderfully written OC that you easily get attached to its not even funny. Even though its not completed, I would highly recommend checking it out. I still have three more chapters to finish but I had to put it on this list. I know that I’m going to be pissed once I reach the last chapter written. If someone know MissErikaCourt, let her know that she needs to comeback to finish this masterpiece!

- Shiver

Author: bornsinner

Rating: Mature

Another one that I DISPISE its incomplete!!! Ugh such a great Office AU. It’s everything that I would want in an Office AU setting. Mikasa struggles between her committed long term relationship and her growing attraction (which starts to develop into some feelings) to her boss, Levi. Its hot, sexy and intriguing and it pisses me off that its not finished! The author writes each chapter as a one-shot but collectively together they tell the whole story. Highly recommend even though its so short. BORNSINNER where ever you are in the universe I hope you come back to finish this!!!

- Two Lines

Author: Crejhov

Rating: Mature

When this was getting updated it was my favorite on-going Rivamika fic. I would find myself checking to see if the author updated with a new chapter every week! The unplanned pregnancy trope is a classic one, but Crejhov does a fantastic job on keeping readers enthralled with soo many anticipated character meet up that are bound to cause hurdles for our expecting parents. This story is told from the perspectives of Mikasa and Levi in order for us to understand where their mindsets are as they plan for their expecting child and deal with their relationship. AHHHHH I want more of this!!! I was soo excited to see where this awkward journey was going to take Mikasa and Levi. CREJHOV COME BACK PLEASE I KNOW YOU HAVE WORK BUT PLEAAASEEEE! I NEEEEEEDDDD!!!

- Cabin Fever

Author: AmayaOkami

Rating: Mature

All I should have to say about this is that its written by AmayaOkami and that should explain it. Amaya is the one that gave us the beautiful incomplete rivamika fic Romance and Rivalry. I just adore her writing. Levi and Mikasa relationship evolves as they are standing guard over the arrested Kenny Ackerman. Secrets are discover about the Ackermans and it gets pretty steamy between our two favs. Great fluff and great sexual tension that leaves you wanting more chapters! Again AmayaOkami where ever you went I hope for some miracle that you come back and complete this one too!

One-Shot:

- Jade

Author: shulkie

Rating: Mature

This one-shot feels like I read a novel, it has such a great storyline. An arranged marriage between Mikasa and Levi leaves the relationship strained in the beginning. Their relationship evolves over time as Levi patiently brings down Mikasa’s wall. With smut added for all of your one-shot needs. Definitely worth the read in my opinion.

- What Remains

Author: Mirime

Rating: Mature

This one-shot gives us a glimpse into the secret relationship that Levi and Mikasa have been having while there are still scouts. This fic is sad but I would say it has a bittersweet ending. I think this was supposed to be part of a collection but I can’t find the rest of them. Still a great read by itself.

- Agape

Author: alienheartattack (Sanneke)

Rating: Mature

This fic is cute as shit! A College AU where Mikasa and Levi are childhood friends. Levi has to deal with Mikasa being at the same college as him while he is struggling with his changing feelings towards a grown up Mikasa. Worth the read as I said cute as shit, leaves you all warm and fuzzy lol!

- As Seen in Shadows

Author: MoraLeeWright

Rating: Explicit

FUCKING MORA! LEE! WRIGHT! UFFFFGGHHH Fuck I’m in love with her writing style. I really have nothing to say more that just go read it! Its hot and sexy and the sexual tension is off the fucking charts in this one. Its just MoraLeeWright smut thats all I can say. It’s great! JUST READ IT LMAO!

- Remedy

Author: NSummer

Rating: Mature

Another hot smut one-shot coming your way! Levi and Mikasa have had an ongoing affair and this just recounts their first time together. Its just some good ol’ Rivamika smut that I think that everyone in this community would enjoy.

- Nutty: Drunk in Love

Author: Hallow17

Rating: Mature

A fun smut to read about Mikasa getting “revenge” on her asshole boss, Levi. Things don’t go the way she plans as things get a little heated in the sexy way. A quick smut that I think is perfect for a little Rivamika crave.

- Spicy: Jalapeno

Author: Hallow17

Rating: Explicit

Another fun smut to read by Hallow17. Levi has been stressed out at work and Mikasa finds a way to help him get his mind off it (if you know what i mean). Again perfect for a Rivamika quick fix.

[iamtrebleclefstories]

i knew you’d come back to me 

“Jo, look I know I’m probably the last person you wanna see right now and I don’t deserve for you to even hear me out, but all I’m asking for is a few minutes. Please.”

happy belated birthday @only-freakin-sunflowers​! hope you enjoy this fic that i love so very much <3

"No way, I don't believe you!"

"It's true. I was fourteen years old and there were two of them."

"At the same time?" Jo raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

"Yup," Jackson took a swig of his beer and donned a smug grin on his face. "And I knew exactly what I was doing."

"And here I thought you were a soft pillow sex kind of guy. But a threesome for your first time?" Jo huffed a laugh. "I'm not going to lie. I'm impressed.”

"What about you? What was your first time like?" Jackson asked, sporting a carefree smile.

"Well, I was sixteen years old and it was in my car, so it sucked," Jo chuckled. "It was uncomfortable and with some guy who was four years older than me. So you'd think by that point, he'd know what he was doing, but the poor bastard didn't know shit. He did not care that it was my first time at all. As soon as he finished, I kicked him out and drove away."

"That's horrible," Jackson busted out in laughter. "I'm so sorry."

"Oh, the sad thing is that's not even the worst sex I'm had," Jo winced in self-pity. "I've had some pretty horrible sex throughout the years."

"Okay, that's enough about bad sex," Jackson leaned back against the couch. "What's the best sex you've ever had?"

"Alex," Jo responded easily. "Every time with Alex." She stared off into the corner of the loft and let her eyes wander to the drawer where Alex had kept her ring hidden after she'd rejected his proposal the first couple times. It was the same drawer she'd deposited the rings after she'd taken them off. “I’ve had great sex with other people. Hell, I’ve had great sex with you.” Jo paused and allowed her eyes to flit over to the bed that she and her ex-husband used to share. “But there’s just something about sleeping with the one person you love more than anyone. Every time with Alex was just a reminder that he was it for me. And I just wish I could turn back time and feel that again. Feel the love. Feel the closeness and safety. But I can’t. I won’t feel that way ever again.”

Jackson observed Jo silently for a few moments. He knew the few months had been difficult for her in many ways. He knew she wasn’t healed all the way yet, and quite possibly, might never heal completely. But hearing her speak only highlighted just how deeply affected she was by it all. In all honesty, it reminded him that he was also still healing from past wounds.

“I know how you feel. I felt that way with April,” Jackson sighed sadly. “And all I can think is that I really screwed it up there. I was so busy trying to convince myself that I didn’t need her to be happy, that I ended up losing her because I couldn’t make up my mind over what the hell I wanted, what I believed in, who I was… and now that I finally figured it out, she’s married to the same guy she left me for in the first place.”  

“How the hell did we get here?” Jo scrunched her face in confusion. “We’re hot people. Why are we moping around about our exes?”

“Because we both lost the loves of our lives,” Jackson deadpanned, earning a dry chuckle from Jo.

“Hey, you still have a chance though. April is around. She didn’t go anywhere. You see her all the time. And if history is any indicator, you two are a pair of magnets that always find some crazy way back to each other. It’s not too late,” Jo stood up from her spot from the couch. “I need something stronger to drink. You want some vodka?”

“I’m good. Another beer would be nice though,” Jackson looked lost in thought for a moment before speaking. “It is too late, Jo. If I could go back in time and change things, I would’ve gotten my crap together and gotten April back in an instant. But she’s married now.”

“You and I both know that doesn’t mean anything,” Jo spoke quietly. She finished pouring her drink and downed a shot of vodka, clearing her throat. “What’s taking Link so long? He said he was on his way with the pizza half an hour ago.”

“He probably was just leaving the house when he called and said he was on his way,” Jackson reached for the beer Jo held out to him. “Thanks. I remember those days, of being a new parent and all.”

“How’s Harriet by the way? It’s been so long since I’ve seen her, since you know, the pandemic,” Jo sat back down on the couch opposite Jackson.

“She’s doing great,” Jackson’s face pulled up into a grin. “She’s talking so much and getting into all sorts of trouble. She’s a big fan of Taylor Swift’s music, and always dances when she hears Lizzo. I haven’t seen her as much as I’d like to since I’ve been working in the hospital pretty much nonstop, but she’s good.”

“Last time I saw her, she was walking around with a piglet stuffed animal that she refused to let go of,” Jo chuckled.

“Yeah, April got her that,” Jackson grimaced. “We came to the agreement that Harriet would be raised Christian and get to spend two weeks every summer at the Kepner farm since she’ll be attending French preschool and start sitting in on the Fox Foundation board meetings once she turns fifteen. The joys of co-parenting.”

Jo let out a laugh, “Well, I think you’re doing a pretty good job.”

The pair was interrupted by a knock at the door, “That must be Link with the pizza.” Jo stood up and sauntered over towards the door, huffing in annoyance when the knocks grew more insistent. “I’m coming!”

“Jeez, you said you’d be here with the pizza almost an hour ago. What took you so long?” Jo spoke as she unlocked the door and slid it open only to freeze in her tracks. “Alex?”

“Jo.”

Convinced she was hallucinating, Jo slammed the door shut in his face. She stared at the door silently for a few seconds, leading Jackson to come up beside her, startling her as he put his hand on her shoulder. “Jo, who was that?”

“Jo, look I know I’m probably the last person you wanna see right now and I don’t deserve for you to even hear me out, but all I’m asking for is a few minutes. Please,” Alex knocked once again.

Jackson’s eyes grew wide as he realized whose voice was on the other side. He glanced at Jo who looked up at him with what seemed to be a scared expression on her face. Realizing that she wasn’t going to do anything Jackson spoke, “What do you want? Do you want me to get rid of him? Do you want to talk to him? You let me know what you need.”

Jo opened and closed her mouth a couple times, unsure of what to say. In the weeks since Alex had left, she had run every scenario in her mind, praying that there would be a moment where he’d come to his senses and show up at her door. She’d rehearsed what she’d say to him in the event of his return. But now, with only a sliding door separating them, Jo had been rendered speechless.

Shaking her head of the thoughts bombarding her brain, Jo wordlessly looked at Jackson in hopes that he would get the message and open the door she didn’t seem to have the strength to pull open herself. Jackson nodded once and took her place at the door, pulling it open to reveal Alex’s mouth open in surprise.

“Oh,” Alex closed his mouth and squared his jaw, looking down to the ground in an effort to camouflage the pained look that flashed on his face. “I’m sorry. I’ll go.”

“No man, stay. I was just leaving anyway,” Jackson grabbed his coat from the rack by the door and gently clapped Alex on the back. “It’s good to see you.”

Jo reached out for Jackson and pulled him back inside. Her eyes widened frantically and her voice came out in a panicked whisper-yell, “What are you doing? You can’t leave. I can’t, Jackson.”

“Jo listen to me, yes you can,” Jackson placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently. “You know that talk we just had about what we’d do if we got another chance? Well, this is yours. I know he hurt you and put you through hell, and you don’t have to take him back, but I think you owe it to yourself to get closure. You need to heal and you can’t do that if you let him walk out that door without talking to him. You’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what he might’ve said and what you could’ve done differently. Trust me, I know. You can do this.”

Jo closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “You’re right. I can do this.”

They were interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, “I know, I’m late. I’m sorry it took so long. I was about to leave the house when Scout puked all over my clothes. I had to bathe him and myself. But I’m here now so—“

Link stopped dead in his tracks, pizza in hand and looked at the figure standing in the open doorway, “You son of a bitch. What the hell do you think you’re doing—“

“And that’s our cue to leave,” Jackson held an arm out and began to guide Link back down the steps. “We can eat the pizza in the car.”

“No. No, this isn’t okay. He can’t just waltz back in here and pretend like it’s all okay,” Link yelled angrily. “Do you know the kind of pain you put Jo through? You swore up and down to everyone that you would never hurt her. And now what? You’re trying to walk back into her life after ripping her heart out? Well, over my dead body.”

“Link, that’s enough,” Jo warned. “It’s fine. You can go.”

Link’s unhappy expression did not go unnoticed. He didn’t want to leave her here alone with Alex. He wanted to protect his sister. But it was becoming more obvious that Jo didn’t want him there. Link sighed, “Fine. But I’m not happy about this.”

“Come on man, let’s go,” Jackson motioned for Link to walk in front of him as they disappeared out the front door.

Finally alone, Jo walked back inside the house and downed another shot of vodka. She watched as Alex stood awkwardly outside, “Are you going to stand in the doorway all night or are you going to come inside?”

Alex hesitated before walking inside the house with a guilty look on his face. He didn’t think he’d ever be back there. The moment he’d sent those letters he thought that was it. He’s never set foot into the loft again, he’d never see Jo again, he’d never truly be home again. It was a tough pill to swallow, but he did it for his kids.

The plan was never to stay in Kansas and leave behind the only family he’d ever really known. It wasn’t in his plans to keep the kids a secret from Jo. It wasn’t in his plans to lie to Jo and tell her he was going to Iowa instead of the truth. It wasn’t in his plans to have the twins in the first place. It wasn’t in his plans to have kids with a woman who wasn’t Jo. But yet, here he was, standing near the door feeling like a stranger in his once home because he decided to make a mess out of a situation that could’ve been handled very differently.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d let me in,” Alex treaded lightly.

“Neither was I,” Jo answered honestly.

“So, you and Avery?” Alex’s bad attempt to see if she had moved on or not didn’t go unnoticed.

“Not that it’s any of your business anymore but, no. It’s just sex. Believe it or not, I am not emotionally healed enough for that. I don’t move on from a seven year long relationship like it didn’t mean anything to me,” Jo chewed on her lip. It was taking everything not to look at him. Not to lock eyes with him. Because Jo knew that the moment she spared him more than a glance, she’d be reduced to a puddle of tears. Whether they were sad tears, angry tears, or happy tears, she didn’t know. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” Alex took a couple steps closer to where Jo stood behind the kitchen table. He held his hands up in a show of harmlessness, trying not to startle or agitate her. “I—I don’t even know what to say.”

“Why don’t you start with why you’re here,” Jo crossed her arms in front of her. “Because last time I checked, you left me to go frolic around in Kansas with your ex wife and kids. Shouldn’t you be there with them? You know, there’s a pandemic outside. When was the last time you were tested?”

“I was tested two days ago and I drove here so I didn’t have any contact with anyone unless it was to buy food,” Alex replied easily.

“You drove all the way up here?” Jo’s voice inflected in surprise. “Why? You said you have everything you always wanted. Why would you leave that?”

“Because I miss you,” Alex sighed heavily. He looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to keep his composure. “And I know that it’s not fair to say that but I do. I miss you every damn second of the day. I can’t go more than a few minutes without thinking about you and regretting the decisions I made that led us here. The moment I dropped those letters in the mailbox at the post office, I wanted to take them back. I wanted to reach in and pull them out and run all the way back home and be here with you. But it was too late. What was done was done.”

Jo glared at him angrily, “What was done was done? That’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard. You could’ve answered my calls. You could’ve talked to me. You could’ve come home. You could’ve not sent me divorce papers in the mail without even giving me a choice in the matter. You could’ve explained the situation and I would’ve dropped everything to be with you. Why? Because we were married, Alex. We got married for better or worse and I never once thought that you’d be the one to break those vows. You had my full and complete trust. Ever since that first kiss you’ve held my heart in your hands. You know how hard that is for me. You know how hard it is for me to trust people. But you didn’t care. You treated my heart like it was collateral and made me feel like all those years—all the love we shared—wasn’t real. Because if you loved me, if you truly loved me the way you said you did, you would have never hurt me like that. That’s not love.”

“I did love you, I swear Jo. None of that was ever a lie. When I said I loved you, I meant it. Every single time. I still love you,” Alex’s eyes practically bore into Jo’s soul. “I love you. And I’m sorry I messed it up, I messed us up. We were great, perfect even. We were happy and in love and we wanted to start a family, but I was an idiot and I screwed it up. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make it up to you for doing that, but I’m here because I love you. I’m doing what I should’ve done the first time around. I came home and I’m talking to you and I’m giving you the choice that I took from you when this all happened months ago.

“Because I realized that I could have the best, sweetest, smartness kids on this farm in the middle of nowhere Kansas and a great job as the Chief of Surgery at a children’s hospital, but none of that will ever matter as long as I don’t have you. Because I’ve been miserable and I tried to act happy for my kids, but now we’re in the middle of a pandemic and I don’t even see my kids anymore. I’m at the hospital every day dreading having to go home to an empty, quiet apartment with generic white walls. I hate it there. Everything single thing about it. I’m a stranger to my own children and in the process of trying to be there for them, I lost the most important person in my life, you. And I don’t expect you to take me back, hell, I probably wouldn’t take me back. But I miss my best friend. I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss the way your nose scrunches up when you get upset. I miss that dog face you’d always make when you tried to get me to agree to something you knew I’d have trouble agreeing to. But it didn’t matter how much I hated the idea of whatever you had planned because the moment I saw that face, I couldn’t say no. I miss the sparkle in your eyes whenever you’d get excited about a really cool case or surgery. I know that I haven’t done anything to deserve your love or forgiveness, but I’m not going down without a fight. Not this time. So, you don’t have to decide anything right now, but I’ll be here, waiting for you to make your choice.”

About halfway through his speech, Jo lost her fight with her tears. Wiping her face quickly, she looked up at Alex with a devastating expression on her face, “I need time.”

“I know,” Alex nodded and brought his hand up to his face to wipe a few of his own tears off. “I’ll be here until you decide. I’m not leaving. Take as long as you need.”

+++

After their conversation, Alex walked out of the loft quietly, not indicating where he would be going for the night. Jo assumed it was Meredith’s. He always went to Meredith’s house when they went through rough times. But with Mer in the hospital because of covid, Jo wasn’t too sure if he’d end up there or not.

Shaking thoughts of Alex out of her head, Jo began getting ready for bed. She had just gotten out of the shower when her phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey. You okay?” Link’s voice filtered through the speaker. “Do you need me to come and kick him out or beat his ass?”

Jo let out the slightest chuckle, “No. Everything is okay. You don’t need to come over.”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to take him back. Don’t you remember what he did to you?” Link's disdain and distrust for her once husband was evident in his tone. “You deserve better than that, Jo. You don’t deserve to be anyone’s second choice.”

Second choice. Now that was a concept that she’d struggled with long before she and Alex got married, let alone when they got divorced. Time and time again she felt like the second choice in Alex’s life, and time and time again he’d grovel his way back to her and she’d give him another chance to fix things. He would swear that nothing could ever come between them, until it did. Until it lodged itself in between their peaceful little happy bubble and shattered the edges of it as if it were the most fragile piece of glass. It was a cycle that she was caught in and it was getting very old.

“I don’t know,” she finally answered after some time. “I—I don’t know what I want or need right now other than just some time to figure out what exactly the hell it is I’m feeling. Because I can’t seem to form my thoughts into coherent sentences. But I do know that you threatening to knock him out and telling me that I deserve better isn’t helping.”

“I’m sorry,” Link apologized. “I’m just protective of you. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“I know. And thanks. It means a lot,” Jo paused. “Look, I’m exhausted and I’m going to go to sleep. I have to be at the hospital at five in the morning.”

“Yeah, okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Truthfully, Jo did not have to be at work that early. But she also didn’t think she could stand another minute on that call with Link. All she wanted to do was lie down and stare at the ceiling as she tried to make sense of her thoughts and feelings that were bubbling under the surface. Sighing heavily, Jo turned on her side and allowed herself to finally break down. It was too much. Alex returning was too much. She was just starting to fill the void he had left behind. Although she’d never get used to his absence, she’d started slowly but surely crawling out of her pit of despair and had maneuvered into a state of numbness, which wasn’t all that better from the intense depressive state she’d been in a couple months ago.

Eventually, sleep caught up with her and Jo was able to fall into a somewhat restful slumber. When she awoke in the morning, she’d forgotten for a split second that had ever left. She reached beside her to touch him only to find his once side of the bed empty. Standing up, Jo readied herself for the day and was about to walk out the door when Levi walked in.

“Uh… Jo. Did you know that your ex husband is sleeping in his car outside our building?” Levi asked as he pulled off his jacket.

“He’s what?”

“I just got back from the hospital and I was surprised because I saw a car in front. I went to go check it out because it looked like the car was on. Karev is in there, knocked out in the backseat,” Levi’s confused expression mirrored the one on Jo’s face.

“He stayed,” Jo whispered quietly.

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Jo shook her head. “I’ve got to go to work. But check on him in a few hours and bring him some water or a sandwich.”

“Okay…” Levi looked at her strangely. “Do you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“Honestly, I don’t really know what’s going on,” Jo let out a breath. “He came back and he said he loves me and apologized. He said he’s not gonna leave without a fight and he’ll wait until I’m ready to talk to him again.”

“Listen, I’m all for forgiveness and starting fresh, but Jo, he hurt you so bad. I care about you and I don’t want to see you back in that state. You still aren’t fully healed,” Levi spoke gently.

“I know,” Jo closed her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m going to the hospital. Just, make sure you give him something to eat later. And let him in if he wants to shower or use the bathroom.”

“I will.”

+++

The following days consisted of more of the same. Every morning Jo would wake up to find Alex asleep in his car and every evening, she’d return to see him eating dinner either in or outside his car. She knew he entered the house while she was gone. She could tell by the presence of his toothbrush and toiletries in the bathroom. She could tell by the stray t-shirt hanging out near the corner of the loft.

It was the fourth night when Jo couldn’t stand to sit in the loft alone knowing he was outside anymore. At about seven o’clock, she grabbed her purse and jacket and walked out the door, passing by Alex who was wordlessly working on something on his laptop. He looked up at Jo striding across the parking lot, not taking his eyes off of her until she stood outside her car door. Climbing into her car, Jo drove off and ended up in the first place she could think of.

Jo walked up the steps and knocked on the door, waiting for the person on the other side to answer. After about a minute, the door opened to reveal Jackson.

“Hey. What’s up?” Jackson asked.

“I brought booze,” Jo held up a bottle of tequila.

“That bad, huh? Okay, come on in,” Jackson stepped aside to let her in. He observed her for a moment before speaking again. “Just letting you know, I have Harriet tonight. She’s sleeping in the bedroom.”

“That’s fine. We can be quiet,” Jo leaned forward and captured Jackson’s lips in a kiss. “I need this.”

They didn’t get very far when Jackson realized that something was wrong, “Hold on. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. It’s fine, just keep going,” Jo responded.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. You’re not here right now,” Jackson pulled away. “Your brain is in a million other places.”

“Did you think that maybe I’m here because my brain is in a million other places?” Jo huffed and sunk down onto the couch. “This, what we have here, is good. There are no feelings, no expectations, nothing messy. I just really need to have no feelings right now because I feel like I’m going to explode with the amount of feelings threatening to burst out of me.”

“Oh. So, that’s what this is about,” Jackson nodded his head in understanding.

“What?” Jo furrowed her brows.

“What happened between you two the other night?”

Jackson did not need to elaborate. Jo knew exactly which two people he was referring to. She just hated that they had gotten close enough that he could tell what was wrong with her. Jo hung her head in defeat, “He wants me back and told me that he still loves me.”

“Do you still love him?” Jackson took a seat beside her and waited for her response.

“Yes, Jackson. I’m always going to love him. We talked about this,” Jo huffed in annoyance.

Jackson shook his head, “No, I mean… right now, in this very moment he says he loves you. What do you say?”

“I love him, too. But I hate what he did to me,” Jo confessed quietly. “I love him… so much. So much that sometimes it feels like my heart is going to burst because it can’t contain the amount of love I have for him. I thought I lost the love of my life, Jackson. I grieved him. I grieved my relationship. I came to the conclusion that I would never experience love like that ever again. I treated it as if he’d died. And now he’s just back? He put me through hell just to come back and try to worm his way into my life again? If he doesn’t stay with Izzie and those kids, then what was the point of it all? What was the point of the pain and the tears? All of the hurt I experienced, the destruction of our relationship… it was all for nothing. And I don’t know if I can get past that… But I love him. I love him, Jackson and I just want to be able to love him the way I used to love him. I don’t want to love him from afar.”

Jackson looked at her for a moment, “What are you going to do? Are you going to take him back?”

“I don’t know,” Jo cradled her head in her hands. “I don’t know what I should do. I don’t know what’s right.”

“I don’t think there’s a right answer. And I don’t think you should rely on what other people would do in your situation when making your decision. Screw what everyone else thinks. Do what you think you can handle. Do what you want to do. Alex is giving you a choice, a choice that he took from you the first time around. And your choice can be to let him go, but don’t let everyone else’s opinions rob you from making that choice,” Jackson sat on the edge of the couch and waited for Jo to say something.

“He’s been sleeping in his car for the past five days and it’s killing me,” Jo let out a breath. She stood up and faced Jackson. “Thanks, for everything.”

Understanding the duality of her words, Jackson’s lips curved up into a smile, “You’re welcome.”

Jo had begun making her way out the door when Jackson called out to her.

“Hey, Jo!”

“Yeah?”

“You’re making the right decision.”

Finally feeling as though she was in control of her future, Jo smiled, “I know.”

+++

He wasn’t quite sure at what point he’d fallen asleep, but sometime around eleven o’clock, Alex woke up to the sound of the passenger door opening. He startled out of his sleep to find Jo climbing into the car, hair freshly washed, wearing a large t-shirt and sweatpants, a blanket in hand, and the most nonchalant expression on her face. Furrowing his brows in question, Alex watched as she silently sat down in the seat beside him.

Jo reclined the seat back and turned on her side to face Alex. She stared softly at his confused face and felt herself truly relax. After some moments of just staring at each other silently, Jo reached out her hand across the center console and grabbed Alex’s hand.

Jo watched as he let out a soft sob. Alex brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it lightly, not bothering to wipe the tears that were falling. Feeling her own tears make their way down her face, Jo exhaled and used her free hand to pull the blanket around her a little tighter. Once the tears were gone, Jo and Alex closed their eyes, reveling in the familiar closeness.

And for the first time in months, both of them slept soundly.

[unloved-cadillac]

Leather Jackets and Glasses Two

Y/n L/n, the leader of the notorious gang called The Scouts. Placed in Rose high, Y/n is in her senior year but things take a turn when she starts getting interested in a certain boy named, Levi Ackerman. Follow the journey of heartbreak, betrayal and love between two people who were destined to be together.   

Chapter Two:

-What do you mean “you keyed the teacher’s car”!? Did you or did you not!?

My father yells at me. So yeah. He found out what I did.

-it’s not my fault, he was being an asshole. Dad, is 57 a bad score?

He looks at me curiously.

-Not really. I mean you passed. Why?

-When he gave me my paper, he freakin scoffed and rolled his eyes. He looked at me like some low life. So I taught him a lesson.

My dad chuckles. He leans down and cups my cheek.

-Honey, i know you did good. He is an asshole for doing that. Teachers are supposed to uplift your spirits and try and push you further because they believe in you. I can have a “chat” with him on Monday.

He finishes and kisses my forehead.

-Thanks, Dad. I wish I could say I was sorry.

-Don’t push it.

His stern voice caught me off guard.

-Sorry, sir. May I leave now?

He nods and I wake up and leave to my room. It seemed I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking because I bumped into someone, making me fall to my ass.

-Oh Jeez Y/n. I didn’t even see you.

Mike says as he offers his hand to help me up.

-Yeah,you giant.

I wake up and dust my pants.

-I heard what you did to your teachers car. Not bad, kid. I did worse.

I raise my eyebrow to that. Mike always seemed so chill and not one to cause fights. But that was before I saw him and my dad interrogate one of our ex members. I can still hear his bones crack from Mike crushing that guy’s arm.

-What did you do?

-No no. I’m not giving you ideas. What did your dad say?

-Nothing.

He hums in response and starts to walk away.

-Hey Mike?

He turns to face me.

-You know what...never mind

I take off running to my room leaving Mike confused. I take out my phone as I enter. I dial a number and wait for them to pick up.

-hello?

-still on for tonight.

-aww HELL YEAH. Same time?

-yeah. I gotta sneak out though. So I might be a tad bit late.

-it’s fine. As long as you’re coming. Everyone is gonna be there.

I perk my ears up.

-everyone?

-yeah. From our grade. They wanted a pre-prom thing or something. Is it cool?

I smile.

-It’s perfect

~a couple of hours later

I put on my jacket and boots and head to my window. I jump out onto the roof and make my way to a ladder I left there earlier. I climbed down and make my way out of the years. So as you can see, I have been sneaking out for a while. It’s not like my dad cares, he never caught me and plus those guards are shit at their jobs. I hop over my gate and walk to the end of my neighborhood. I take a left and see Mikasa’s car, waiting. I hop into the passenger seat.

-Hey.

Mikasa says as she puts her cigarette out.

-Took you long enough.

-Yeah. Had some trouble with the ladder. Anyway, everyone is there?

-Yeah. Fucking sucks. All the nerds and jocks are there. Eren and Jean are there already too.

I smile. Nerds. Only one comes to my mind.

-Alright let’s go.

I tell Mikasa. She nods her head and puts the car into drive and we make our way to the party. This party was at the end of town. So it takes a good 15 minutes from my place. It’s at an abandoned scrapyard where not many people hang out. This place was perfect. It had these big old cars where you can chill in, some cool scrap metal. It was our little getaway.

-So...I see you have your eye on someone.

Mikasa tells me. I look at her confused. How the fuck...

-I don’t know what you’re talking about.

I say and look out the window.

-Yeah. Sure. I’ve seen you look at him. Eren may be stupid enough to believe you were looking at Reiner but I saw you look at Levi.

I widen my eyes, still not looking at her.

-Ok. Fine. But just so you know, he’s there too.

Mikasa smiles. I look at her and smirk.

-Stays between us.

-Don’t need to tell me twice.

The rest of the car ride was quiet apart from Mikasa’s radio playing. “Dead!” by My Chemical Romance was on. Perfect.

By the time we pulled up to the scrapyard it was half 8 at night so it was already dark out. Mikasa parks the car and we jump out.

-Yo look who’s finally here! Y/N!

Eren shouts from the fire. People looked at me and cheered. I look at the crowd looking for a certain someone.

-Finally. I thought you weren’t gonna come.

Eren says as he puts his arm around me.

-What are you drinking?

I take the blue cup from his hand and sniff.

-Vodka and Redbull.

-Jesus. As if you don’t need the extra energy.

I laugh. We go to the big fire that was burning in the middle of the yard. Only seniors were there so I knew everyone.

-Y/N!

I hear my name and turn to the source.

-oh fuck.

I whisper to myself. Reiner. That dipshit. He is such an asshole. Remember earlier when I told you that I was fairly popular, especially with the boys? He was one of the boys that just won’t give up.

-Reiner.

-Aw. No hi? I ran all the way across the yard for you.

-Well I didn’t ask you to.

I say as I sip my drink.

-So mean. Well, you won’t be mean on prom night. Because I’m gonna be your partner.

-Oh for fucks sake, Reiner. I told you. I don’t want to be your partner.

-Then who are you going with?

-Nobody. I’m not going.

I lie. In fact I was going. I wanted to trash the place. But when the time comes I’ll tell you about it.

-Aww come on,Y/n? Why won’t you give me a chance? I’ll treat you so good. I’ll do whatever you want. And when I say whatever, I mean whatever.

He finishes his sentence with a wink. Gross.

-Yo! REINER. COME THROW SOME BALL WITH US!

Someone calls out to him. He turns to them and yells out a “COMING!” He turns to look at me, smiles and runs off. I swear that guy tries so hard. As I take a sip of my drink,at the corner of my eye I see a couple of people coming to the yard. I recognize them immediately. Levi and Farlan.

-Levi Bro! You made it!

Isabel runs up to him and he ruffles her hair. Cute.

-And no “hey babe” for me?

Farlan asks Isabel. She laughs and kisses him. I’m not gonna lie they made a cute couple. Apparently, Isabel had no interest in Farlan at first. She never cared for finding a boyfriend. But one day, a bet was made that she couldn’t get his number in one day. She ended up telling him a shit joke and caught his interest. She had no intention of falling for him, but she did. She won the bet and his heart and I thought that was beautiful. It turns out I was daydreaming, again, because Eren is poking me.

-Yes, my hyperactive rodent?

I finally turn to him.

-I live for your weird names. Anyway, they starting a game. Come join.

-No Eren. I don’t do these games.

-Please,Y/n?

-No. I’ll watch though. Go.

He pouts but he leaves. I refill my drink and I make my way to an old car near to hear the game and sit on the bonnet. I look to my left and see someone sitting on the car next to me, but I ignore them and listen.

-Alright, seniors. It’s been an awesome night so far. So let’s play a game. Today’s game is Never Have I Ever. Everyone has to play. Even those sitting on the cars. Including you too, Levi.

I hear that name and look to my left. Holy shit, HE was sitting there. He scoffs and looks at Farlan who was sitting on the ground with Isabel on his lap. He turns and looks at me for a split second but does a double-take. I smile and wave a small wave. He widens his eyes and waves back.

-OK! First up, Sasha!

Connie points to her. She has her face stuffed with McDonald’s but speaks anyway.

-Nemver hamve I emver eaten Sushi.

I raised my eyebrow at that. That’s a weird one.

-Sasha, have you never eaten sushi?

Connie asks her. She shakes her head.

-it’s fucking disgusting. It’s the one food I won’t eat.

-Haha. Alright. Everyone if you didn’t eat sushi before, take a sip of your drink.

Yeah, everyone tried sushi so no one drank. I sneak a glance to my side and Levi also didn’t drink. Good to know.

-Ok. Never have I ever broken a bone.

Jean says. A few drink and I do too.

-ok whoever drank tell us what you broke.

Connie tells us.

-I fell down the stairs and broke my leg.

-I bumped into a door and broke my nose.

-I got knocked and broke a few.

A couple of people say. I laugh at some.

-Y/n?

I look up.

-You drank. Tell us.

Connie says. I smile.

-I got into a fight and broke my wrist and collarbone.

Many widen their eyes. Jean smiles. He smiles cause he remembers that fight.

-Hardcore, man. You aren’t labeled as dangerous for nothing, huh?

I shake my shoulders and chuckle. I sneak a peak to my left and see Levi staring. I smirk. He didn’t drink yet. Maybe he really was a good boy.

-Y/n. Your turn.

I put on a thinking face. Then I smile and say my line.

-Never have I ever had friends with benfits.

Many drank. Almost all. And few glances were sent. I look at Levi and he didn’t drink. Mmm.

-Now that was a good one, Y/n. Already getting dirty. Alright, Levi. Your turn.

I turn to look at him and see him look down. It’s quiet for a bit but then he speaks up.

-Never have I ever been arrested.

Jesus. That is unexpected. I would drink but surprisingly that never happened. But I did see Jean sip and Mikasa sip. The air got a bit tensed because Connie was gonna ask them about it. Until I caught his eye and slowly shook my head. He cleared his throat and smiled.

-Jeez Levi. Good one. Alright. Hange. You’re next.

Connie smoothly says. I look at Levi.

-That was good one. Why ask that?

I ask him. He looks at me. My God. This boy just got sexier to me.

-I don’t know. I felt like there needed to be a wilder one.

He says. I smile. I like his voice. I want him to speak again. But we get interrupted by Connie.

-Guys did you hear? Hange asked if you ever sent a nude.

I make a disgusted face and so does Levi.

-Jesus Christ no. What the fuck.

-Yeah Four-Eyes, what the fuck?

He turns to look at Hange. She was sitting between Erwin’s legs as he wraps his arms around her. Yes,they were dating and they also got together by chance. Erwin was her locker neighbor and he mistakenly tried to open hers instead of his. They laughed and a few days later got together.

Levi just swore. He just said “fuck”. I guess he wasn’t a good boy after all.

-Levi.

I say his name to catch his attention. He looks at me.

-Yes?

-Why did you give me your handkerchief the other day?

He blushes and looks down. He doesn’t say anything for a while.

-Your hand was bleeding and it looked like you didn’t have yours on you. Did you think I would just let you suffer like that?

He quietly says the end part. It was soft but I caught it. I smile.

-You’re sweet,Levi. Thank you. By the way you’re not getting it back.

-It’s ok. Keep it.

He says. I tilt my head. He really is strange. We weren’t even paying attention to the game anymore. So I just drank and looked at him. I guess he sensed I was staring so he looked at me.

-Y/n?

I snap out of my daydream.

-Oh sorry was I staring? I just can’t get enough of your cuteness.

I tell him. He widens his eyes and looks away, hiding a blush. I smile. He is so easy to fluster. The night progresses and people start to leave around 12. I stick around for a while with my gang. As we are chatting I see Levi and Farlan leave. He looks at me and I smile. He waves to me.

-I knew you liked him.

Someone says to me. I turn to that someone to see Mikasa light her cigarette.

-Shut up. I don’t like him.

-Tell that to your face. You can fool anyone with your stoicness but not me. I can clearly see that you’re blushing.

It was my turn to widen my eyes and look away. Fuck.

-Just take me home.

I say and Mikasa chuckles.

-Sure.

We leave and I see Levi and Farlan by their car. It looks like it’s not starting and the engine sounds like shit. Isabel tries starting it but the engine just give out.

-Dammit. I just got this fucker fixed last week.

I hear Farlan scream.

-I told you not listen to Kenny.

Levi responds. Kenny? That name seems familiar. But I brush it off and grab Mikasa’s arm.

-Hey. It looks like they are having car problems.

Mikasa smirks at me.

-Wanna help out?

I look at her and squint my eyes.

-..yes.

-Alright. Let’s go.

We walk up to them and Mikasa taps Farlan’s shoulder.

-Hey. You guys ok?

Farlan looks at us. He instantly recognized us.

-Oh. Oh yes. This damn car gave out.

Farlan tells us.

-Can I have a see?

I ask Farlan. He nods his head and make my way to the engine. I ask Isabel to try and start it. When she presses the accelerator there’s a weird sound coming from the back of it. I look inside and see something weird.

-Uhm Farlan? Do you have a pair of pliers?

He looks in his boot and pulls out a pair of pliers. He gives them to Levi and Levi comes and gives it to me.

-Oh. Oh, thank you.

I take it from Levi and smile. I stick the pliers in the back and pull out a wire.

-Ok, Isabel. Let’s try it one more time.

And when Isabel starts it, it successfully starts.

-WHOOHOO!

Isabel yells and Farlan moves to thank me.

-Thank you, Y/n. Thank you so much. How can I repay you?

I shake my head.

-Nothing. Just bring the car by Pixis’ Shop downtown. Tell him I sent you. He would do the car up for free.

-Whoa, what really?

-Yeah. Also, your engine is shit right now. Whoever did it before really did a number on it. It looks like they either didn’t know how to do it or they hated you guys.

Farlan laughs at that.

-That’s what Levi said. Our uncle recommended the shop. Levi said that they were gonna fuck up the car because they hated our uncle.

I look at Levi and he smirks.

-Yeah well, be careful on the road ok?

-Yeah. You too, Y/n. Thank you again.

-Thank you, Y/n!!!

Isabel shouts. I wave them off and walk to Mikasa’s car. She starts the car and we head off. Halfway through the drive Mikasa says something.

-He was staring the whole time.

I wake up from my light slumber.

-Huh?

-Levi. That whole time you were working on Farlan’s car. He didn’t take his eyes off of you.

I click my tongue.

-Nah. Perhaps it was the fact that I was working on his brothers car and also I’m a gangster and he was trying to make sure I didn’t fuck with them?

-Nope. This was a different look. I can’t put my foot on it but it was different.

-Hmm

I respond to her analysis. I roll my eyes. No. There’s no way he is interested in me.

===

*In Farlan’s car*

-Levi-bro! Y/n is so kind. Don’t you think? I  didn’t expect her to know about cars, if im being honest.

Isabel tells him. He hums in response.

-I saw you two talking to each other at the party. You seem close.

Farlan says to Levi.

-No. We only recently started talking.

-But she’s super pretty up close, huh? And I think she likes you.

Isabel tells Levi as she leans on Farlan’s seat.

-No. I don’t think so.

-Why not???

-She has so many other options. Why would she go for the nerd of all people? I think she’s interested in Farlan.

-Levi! No! I’m with Isabel and I’m 120% sure she knows that. You really need to put yourself out there and stop thinking low of yourself. Plus, Y/n doesn’t seem like a person to go for someone who’s taken.

Levi clicks his tongue and looks at the road.

No. There’s no way a girl like her would like a guy like me...

———————————————————————

<Chapter One Chapter Three>

Here is Chapter Two. Feel free to message if you want to be added to my taglist.

Tagged: @windex-princess-gia​

[garthups]

the maze, part I

Part One of the story! Very excited to post this. -Leslie

I kept the car running in park while the shitty vents sputtered, trying my hands warm. Your Love by that band from the eighties was playing in the distance. I have a love-hate relationship with these roped off grassy parking lots, where there aren't actual spaces, just car anarchy. Take any spot you can find and let’s all hope that some semblance of a parking lot comes together. Sure there’s something inherently egalitarian about it, but they remind me of being scared to park when I was learning to drive. I was always positive that my Camry was too far over, and I’d brace myself for the crunch of metal on metal. 

The familiarity of coming to the maze made parking in the lot easier, and I didn’t have to reverse and drive into the same spot over and over again to be satisfied. My friends and I came to Hudler Farm every October for the autumn corn maze. Sometimes we’d take caramel apples in and chaunk through them while meandering.

 Fuck, that was always so fun. High school seems like a lifetime ago though. All it takes are a few hundred miles, and staggered midterms, and suddenly you talk to the guy in the dorm next to yours who gets drunk on natty seltzer more than the people who got you through your mcr phase.

 None of us got together last year, which was a bummer, but out of the blue Lottie messaged Sam and me. I watched the shadowy families walk by in the dark, my hands weren’t getting any warmer though. The idle LEDs were dim enough that I could see outside. A little boy running after his parents tripped and fell in the mud. I stifled a chuckle, because kids falling down is hilarious, and tried to screw with the vents, but they were already all open. Piece of shit car. When I looked up, the boy was still splayed out on the ground, shivering. Both his parents kept walking though. I scrunched my brow. I started fidgeting with my seatbelt, but my hands didn’t have much feeling in them. People were just walking around him, like he wasn’t there. 

“WHAT’S up dog!” My door exploded open.

“JESUS fucking god Lottie, I--” She took her spot in the passenger seat, laughing her ass off.

“Sorry sorry sorry, wow Phoebs I got you pretty good huh?”

“I mean yeah I’m just so ready to get killed in this parking lot. Hey I think that kid hurt himself out there pretty bad.” I breathed, still shaken.

“What kid?”

“That one.”

“Oh that one, sorry it’s dark, so it took me a sec. Yeah let’s go help.” Honestly, I could never stay mad at Lottie. Seeing her new dreads in person made me miss the big buns she wore in high school. We slammed the doors shut, and stepped onto the ground covered in too-damp leaves. Two guys beat us to him though, and they were helping him up.

“Oh wait, is that the kid you meant?”

“Lottie, why would I be talking about a kid that isn’t sprawled out on the ground.”

“I thought this one was playing snake or something. Anyway, let’s go meet Sam’s friend!”

We walked over to the boys, Sam’s friend was getting the kid back on his feet. Sam’s friend was a good head taller than he was, which wasn’t saying too much. The guy gave off an eagle scout vibe though, so his height was probably pretty important to him. Maybe camp counselor would have been closer. He was gently reassuring the kid.

“Feeling better? Okay, better go catch your folks, and make sure not to stay too far behind them, bud, okay?”

“Good call man, I thought he was just playing snake.” Sam glowed.

“Sup fuckers!” Lottie sang. The boy turned around, he looked about nine, so Lotties curse made him bust a grin. From the looks of it he scraped his cheek pretty bad. He dashed off. Sam’s friend laughed nervously since Lottie broke the unspoken rule of swearing in front of kids.

“Hey dudes! It’s so awesome to see you!” Sam laughed. “I told Matrix everything about you, so there’s no need to divulge any information to him. Don’t trust this guy with any more embarrassing stories about yourselves.” Matrix waved shyly, and I rolled my eyes.

“That’s cool. You know we called Sam “Shrimpy” all of sophomore year because his hair got all curly and he dyed it red?”

“Thanks Phoebe, that is something I like people to know about me.” Sam said while subconsciously making sure his hair was still a tight buzz cut. Matrix smiled a little.

“You must be Lottie?”

“It’s great to meet you! Lets get some apples.” 

The four of us were waved through by the teen collecting tickets. The entrance to the maze had a little banner raised up on two poles and a chair with an admissions person. Next to the entrance was a main pavilion with a tiny shop and some picnic tables out under the roof. Lots of families were congregating there, buying souvenirs and farm t-shirts. Thankfully this wasn’t one of the maze theme nights according to a big promotional calendar that outlined all the dates. Lottie groaned when she saw that they added alien night and we hadn’t bought tickets.

“Like what does that even mean though. Are there aliens in the maze? Do they scare us?” Sam said eyeing the kettle corn buckets.

“Yeah I mean, it’s probably just like zombie night and mermaid night where you just get like jumpscared by teens in costumes. Freakin aliens though! Imagine!”

“Uhh did you say they do a mermaid night here?” Matrix said.

“Dude I never told you about that! You’re looking at the three scariest volunteer mermaid teens that Hudler farms has ever known. We were unholy legends flopping after scared families.”

Sam and Lottie were wide eyed crowding around Matrix, telling him all about the glory days. Made me pity him, his bud probably had a whole different energy at college.

“They’re fucking with you! Why in god’s name would a corn maze have a mermaid night.” I finally shouted. Lottie pouted.

“Boooooo Phoebe! How dare you!” I wrapped my face up in my scarf to escape guilt. 

We all mostly ate our caramel apples under the pavilion just so we could give Matrix the rundown of the maze. The Hudler farm maze has these eight checkpoints which give you special tickets. 

“We don’t leave without all eight. Got it? Dee oh en tee. I don’t give a fuck if we die trying.” Lottie said through a mouth of caramel and nuts. It felt surreal having my friends here again. After all, the limited exposure I had to them was social media. I lived vicariously through the photos they posted of new friends.

There was a sign in the pavilion that gave us a rough idea of where all the checkpoints in the maze were. I resisted the urge to take a photo in order to preserve the challenge that the maze posed. Probably didn’t need it to beat our best time. I was the only one who hadn’t finished their apple for traditions sake. Hopefully the caramel wouldn’t freeze though.

“Ok so let's remember to hit that cluster of checkpoints in the northern corner first. We're gonna take a lot of rights and then keep going on that long stretch forward.” I strategized.

“I’ll eat that apple if you’re not going to Phoeb, you know I’m psyched that they got pink ladies this year instead of grannies smiths.” Begged Sam.

“I did a few youth group trips to corn mazes, so this isn’t my first rodeo guys don’t worry!” Matrix added.

“That’s cool.” Phoebe said straight faced. I wanted to laugh, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Before I could respond, I saw it. I inhaled slowly as I took in the scene before us. The moon was thin and most of the lights were under the pavilion itself, but I felt like I should’ve noticed something so wrong before.

“Why is the all corn so fucking tall.” The question, er -- statement hung in the air for a few seconds while the maze came into view for everyone else. Corn stalks get surprisingly tall late in autumn, maybe like ten feet. This stuff though. It was like, way way way too tall. And not irregular. So, regular. The maze looked like it could have been a trimmed hedge. All the stalks stretched up and up, reaching out for the sky, each of them trying to escape from the ground. I suddenly was at a loss, something so ordinary was wrong in such an obvious way. Finally, Lottie broke our silence.

“Shit.” Great. I mean, she wasn’t wrong.

“That’s amazing. God is it this tall every year? That’s the tallest corn I’ve ever seen, must be 30 feet! Maybe more.” Finally Matrix had found something to be upbeat about.

“Ahh no man. It’s like normal usually. Lottie are you feeling alright? Do you want to take a sec before we head in.”

Matrix jumped in. “Nothing to be worried about. I’m sure it’s just like GMO’s or something. Gotta up the yield. They should seriously lead with that in the advertising though. Corn jungle! Towering Corn! Feast your eyes ladies and gentlemen on the worlds first corn metropolis!” He broke the spell on Lottie with his campy broadcaster voice. She joined in: “Keep your dame close as you delve into the mysterious corn caverns, where the CORN DRAGON DWELLS.”

Matrix Chuckled. “Well I don’t know about that. Hard to deliver on a corn dragon. But look I’m sure it’s fine, everyone else doesn’t seem to mind.” It was true, the usual fare of families and teen groups were venturing into the maze without concern. I watched the family from the parking lot get a safety flashlight from the teen working the entrance. I breathed in through my teeth.

“For a second I thought you actually made jokes, scooter. You’re right, it’s probably just a good year for tall corn. We can go.”

“Phoebster, you good?” Sam nudged me. It honestly took me a second longer than Lottie to take in all the explanations. It was such a weird thing to be off in such a significant way. Must have been some primal instinct of being afraid of the dark. The corn stalks were darker than the night sky around them; I tried to catch glimpses through the stalks but they blanketed out the stars. 

“Yeah sorry about that guys. I’ll remember more of the strategy once we’re in the maze. Let’s blow through this thing!” 

We went into the maze.

[theewrites-tf2]

‘Dad is Mad,’ AKA, Daddy Issues: The Fanfic

What does a reluctance to study, a wild desire to write about an OC, and coffee help create? 

This mildly edited fanfic, of course!

ENJOY, and let me know if y’all want more OC content!!!

—————————————————————————————————-

“It’s still bleedin’!!!” The whiney pitch from the backseat, combined with the thick Bostonian accent, made a grey-ice eye twitch violently again, as the driver gripped the wheel firmly. “Injuries tend to do that,” Spy growled lowly, keeping his eyes firmly on the barren road ahead of him, slick with the downpour of rain. “Your nose isn’t special, Scout, it will bleed like anyone else’s.”

“Especially when you pause to gloat, surely you saw that fist coming to your face?” Another eye-twitch as the silk-smooth drawl of the French woman in the passenger seat sounded,  as unmarred, perfectly manicured fingers procured a lipstick-ruby red, perfectly matching the blood that spotted the edge of her skirt-and she began to masterfully apply a fresh coat. “ ’Ey! I LET him take me by surprise!” Scout insisted, pointing an accusing finger at the noticeably uninjured Règine, whilst holding his bleeding nose in the other. “All the badasses take on injuries, I had to fill in my badass QUOTA!”

Patiently, she began to make a delicate swerve of red to match the arch of her lip, “Then I suggest you quit complaining, mon ami,  if you allowed yourself to be injured on purpose for glory-points.” She paused, grey-ice eyes narrowed in the mirror to meet Scouts, “It’s foolish and reckless, and you are lucky that I arrived in time to-” “Oh, don’t you start now, you didn’t HELP me!” Scout shouted back, eyes flaring indignantly, simultaneous with the crackle of thunder overhead, “You threw a gun at my hand and ran the other way, Ray, that’s not ’helping!’" 

"The point was for you to USE that gun, not whine and shriek when it brushed against you with more force than a feather-” “Feather?!  Bullshit, you CHUCKED it at me, felt like a goddamn TRUCK, least you coulda done was WARN me-”“I was on an espionage mission, revealing my position to the locals would have ruined the goal- ”“Nuh-uh, you could’ve stopped to help-”“-and we would’ve lost the files to the enemies. Apologies, but I think you can survive a mild BUMP to the nose in the eyes of our success-”“-how about YOU get bumped next time, Miss Not-gonna-help-I’m-just-gonna-do-my-makeup-and-save-the-day-without-lifting-a-pinkie- !” “ENOUGH!”

The roar from the older Frenchman was accompanied by the squealing of tires, and a Scout, as the brakes were slammed on and the car skidded to a halt. Scout nearly careened into the seats in front of him, while Règine patiently placed a hand on the dashboard to steady herself, sighing knowingly as the car came to a halt. Tense silence filled the air, with Scout swearing mutely as he righted himself, and Spy slowly, one by one, unclenched his fingers from the death-grip on the steering wheel… And Règine turned back to the car mirror, going to work on painting her lower lip. 

Spy turned, sharply enough for Scout to flinch back,  then tried to puff up indignantly, even under the glare of identical silver-blue irises shooting (metaphorical) daggers into him. Spy  pointed a leather gloved, blood-stained finger at the Bostonian, teeth gritted so hard they could’ve been beginning to crack. “YOU were practically a CHILD back there,” He nearly spat, and Scout actually reached up to wipe some spittle. “And acting like an utter, incompetent, arrogant, overconfident, whining FOOL back there, embarrassing not only our TEAM, but my FAMILY name. And if I ever catch you recklessly endangering a mission like that AGAIN, I WILL leave you to face the consequences ALONE. And YOU-”

Règine clicked the lipstick shut, eyes narrowed with chin raised challenging and already turned to meet his glare. Father and daughter stood in a nonverbal stand-off of eye-contact. A minute passed. Then two. By the third minute, Scout had stopped sputtering indignantly and angrily in the backseat, and was pressed back slightly, uncertainly glancing between the two angry French natives. A glance at the door, as if pondered if heading out in the rain and letting them have this… Thing in private, was the best choice-

“I won’t even give you the dignity of being associated with my family name.” Spy jerked his gaze away before finally growled this out, hands stiffly grabbing the steering wheel again as he restarted the car, leaving his estranged daughter still, eyes narrowed as chin remained raised in silent challenge. She finally lowered it, but not upset, or with a shred of quivering of her bottom lip. She turned back forward, and heaved an almost bored sigh as the car started forward again.

“Well, you succeeded disassociated me with the family name years ago. Really, you need to come up with better, fresher material, père.”

The car had barely moved a few yards, before the brakes slammed again, and Scout cut his stunned, shocked silence with a yelp as he fell forward again. “Get out of my car.” Spy ordered, voice cold and hard as stone as his eyes refused to move from the road ahead. Règine smoothed down her lightly blood-splattered skirt, unbothered, “May I remind you it’s raining?” She mused, not looking up at him, turning her attention to brightening her appearance. “You’d truly leave a young lady out in the middle of the desert, during a storm-?” “Oui. Now go, or I’ll drag you out with a bullet in your knee.”

Règine was silent, before she turned to the back of the car, offering a cool upward tilt of her lips to Scout, while her hand opened the passenger door. “I had fun, let’s do this again sometime, hm?” Scout could only gawk and with a sly, cool wink, Règine slid out smoothly into the downpour, and a crackle of red smoke,  from her cloaking device faded out into the night, slamming the door behind the form of smoke…

Really SLAMMING, so hard that the car reeled under the two remaining men inside, and Scout could’ve sworn that the outline of cracks in the window could be seen, as lightning crashed. Scout gawked, clambering over to his window and scanning the dark, thunder-lighted desert for a fading cloud of red-smoke, any sign of his sister…  But the car lurched under him before he could find her, and he cursed again, nearly collapsing as the car raced down the road again.

“Wh-what the HELL, Spy, turn back!” Scout demanded,  crawling up to smack Spy’s head-rest. “We can’t just LEAVE her out here-" 

"I just did, put your seatbelt on.” “It’s MILES from the nearest town-!" 

"Good, then we won’t have to concern ourselves with her until her return later… Hopefully, much later.”

 "SPY, seriously, turn around!  Why are you being such an asshole?!“

Leather creaked as hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, and Scout braced for impact of the brakes again. Instead, a different impact hit him as Spy growled out,  "Jeremy. Put on a seatbelt, or you can join her. If you can possibly find her.” Scout considered it, for a minute. It’d stick it to the old man, for sure,  Scout would KILL to see his expression as his kid walked out on him,  ’Really turn the tables on the jerk… Show him how it feels.’

But then a glance into the dark desert landscape outside, going by in a flurry fast enough to make his head spin, his chances of running back and finding a pissed-off,  invisible Frenchwoman in the dark, in the RAIN…  Well, to say such chances were SLIM was a compliment. Reluctantly, and with plenty of insults grumbled underbreath, Scout sat back in his seat. Though, in defiance, he refused a seatbelt, and went back to covering his sore, dried-blood-coated nose with his hand, glaring out the window until a handkerchief was thrust into his face. 

“Take it, and be quiet.” Spy ordered, more annoyed than the tense rage he had been filled with earlier, sounding more like the normal Spy Scout knew and tolerated, then whoever the asshole was took his place when Règine was around. 

“The doctor will take a look back on-base. And I expect that back, washed and ironed carefully by the end of the week.” Scout glanced at the fancy napkin in surprise, then eyes narrowed in suspicion before a sigh sounded in the front seat, “Scout, it’s not chloroformed. Just clean yourself before you make a mess of my vehicle." 

Scout glared for a moment, before finally reaching up to snatch it without thanks, pressing it to his nose. He didn’t hesitate to recoil from the overpowering stench of cigarettes that wafted off of it, but sighed grumpily, and pressed it again to his nose, tipping his head back to staunch the flow. ”… You’re still a dick. That was your freakin’ daughter.“ If Spy’s hands tightened impossibly further on the wheel, or if he closed his eyes for a heartbeat, Scout didn’t see it. 

He only heard the long, heavy sigh fill the car, stuffed with too many emotions for Scout to properly decipher. ”… You don’t need to remind me.“ Spy muttered under his breath, almost too softly to be heard as they sliced through the rain on the vacant highway. 

Almost.

But instead of pressing, Scout only gave an irritated sigh of his own, and slumped back in his seat with crossed arms,  thoughts trailing back to the golden-haired Frenchwoman, out there, all alone, in the rain, without a coat, or an umbrella… Left with nothing but… But…

”…Spy, wait, holy shit, she still has the files.“

[angel-emmerson]

Processing | Self-Para

death tw, grief tw, addiction mention tw, depression tw

(it’s one of his therapy sessions so it’s a lot <3)

“Mr. Ángel, I gotta admit I was starting to get worried you wouldn’t call me. Beautiful day to be out here though.”

“Sorry Doc, you know I’ve been kind of all over the place. Thanks for coming all the way out here.” Ángel held out his hand to dap Dr. Ramirez up and pull him in for a quick pat on the back. He had been seeing him since he was 15 and Dr. Ramirez had been on of the first latinx men in his life and one of the few male role models that he had as constants. In the past few weeks he had talked to a few of his therapist but he knew that if he asked Dr. Ramirez to meet him out here that he would and a nice drive to Portland had been exactly what he needed to feel like he could finally get a breather from Redwood Bay after all of the chaos. 

“So this is where you almost went pro, huh?” 

Ángel’s smile turned up a bit as he nodded and looked around the Portland State lacrosse field. “Yeah man, I was standing right over there when the scout came down and made me my first offer, after that the fucking letters just came pouring in.” He picked up the lacrosse stick he had brought with him, only just having been cleared for mild physical activity so he didn’t want to overdue it. But he tossed a ball into there and started to move it back and forth in his hands. 

“Do you regret it, not taking those offers?”

“Yeah, I mean, look I don’t live my life in regret but I think about it a lot, you know? I think I was so..eager to get back home after graduation like I had missed something that I didn’t even think about how my life could have been, you know? Fucking traveling and playing, training to be the best, getting myself connected to people all over the world through one sport. I mean hockey was fun but lacrosse?” He paused and from midfield threw the ball straight into the goal. “It was like something no one could touch, you know? Not enough people understand it as it is so I felt like I was just in another world. Where I could be angry and aggressive but strategic, you know? I mean I went home cause I felt like..people needed me but then everyone left anyway,” he added with a sad laugh before he slowly started walking to retrieve the ball. 

“So does that mean you feel resentful of people at home? Since you feel like because of them you gave up this dream?”

He was shaking his head before the doctor finished, knowing he was just asking questions to pull him out of his head, it was how it always went. “Nah I don’t resent them, I mean no one asked me to come home, you know? Only person I could be mad at is me. I mean I came home and two of my friends I lost years with cause of addiction, feeling helpless when it came to them was just..shitty and I mean they’re in better places now and I couldn’t be more proud but all that time is gone, you know? And then Zehra went off to see the world and find herself, my sister went to California, Kai went off to fight a war. Everyone went and did what they wanted. Well, everyone except for Levi.”

The name made his expression falter and it didn’t go unnoticed to Dr. Ramirez but he stayed quiet for a moment as he observed Ángel picking up the ball and avoiding looking at him. “How are you dealing with his passing?”

“I’m not.” A sad laugh fell from his lips and he took a deep breath as he lifted his head. “I mean I don’t...I don’t know man. It feels like everyone around me just can’t handle me being fucked up about it, I mean they say they’re there for me and I know they are but I’ve been in such a good place for such a long time it’s like people can’t fucking...compute it when I’m depressed as fuck. And yeah, yeah I feel that way man. I mean fuck, you see over there,” he pointed at a spot in the bleachers, his eyes already starting to tear up as he said. “Levi used to sit there every fucking game. He’d get here early so he could get his seat, always wearing the hoodie or the t-shirt I got him, he’d save seats for my moms when they’d come I mean, the guy practically lived with me in college. He should’ve been the one in college, I mean my dude was so smart. So fucking smart. He had to drop out cause of his mom but like I wouldn’t have graduated without him. After I rushed, he stayed in the frat house with me. I got him a mattress and we fucking built a frame for it. And no one said shit, I paid extra dues and I mean no one would complain cause he was helping us all fucking pass college, you know? I mean this dude’s brain, the books he’d read, all the shit he’d say, he was destined for greatness, you know? And we spent so much time together, he was the one person that never left, you know? And it’s not cause I asked him to stay it was just like..it was like we understood that if we did this life together, if we stayed strong, if we did what we could for our families then we’d live a good fucking life, you know? But now I’m pissed, I’m pissed cause he’s gone and,”

He could feel his bottom lip quivering as he leaned against the goal and reached up to wipe at his eyes. “Every fucking morning I get up and I-I listen to this voicemail he sent me about two weeks before the fire. I was like two minutes late to picking him up for the gym and he knows I already ride him about time. So he calls me and I don’t pick up cause i”m driving and he’s just fucking singing all by myself at the top of his lungs. Sounded fucking terrible but man I can’t stop listening to it. He laughs at the end and it’s just like,” he paused as he sniffled and wiped at his eyes, “It’s like every day I think about all the shit he’s not gonna be there for, you know? Like my kids being born, like getting married, like man, he was supposed to be there, I was supposed to be there to watch him. For our kids to grow up together, for our lives to just keep growing. And I feel like I took all this time for granted. I feel like the night of the fire was just another day, you know? Like I hugged him and we joked around and he made me drink this actually pretty fucking good organic juice and I was supposed to see him the next week. We were gonna go for a quick morning gym time so then we could finish working on this shit in my garden. And now I look outside and I can’t...I can’t even touch anything cause I just...I keep seeing him there with the dogs an I-.” his words become jumbled as he covered his face with his hand and started crying and when he felt the Doctor’s hand on his shoulder, he turned into him to be embraced into a much needed hug. “He was my best friend,” he repeated a few times as his body shook and he felt that fresh wave of sadness rush through him. 

When he finally managed to calm down, he wiped at his face a few times, not bothering to mumbled an apology because he wasn’t sorry for being vulnerable in front of him. This was what he needed, to be honest, to let it come out of him, to admit that he wasn’t okay. 

“I miss him so much, man. And I..I get so angry at people who like didn’t know him but want to like pretend like they did, you know? And like I get it, people grieve and they sympathize but they didn’t know him. They didn’t know what it was like to be his friend, to hear him laugh, to feel his hugs, to see that dopey fucking smile. And I mean Zehra’s fucking torn up about it and I want to be strong for her, I can’t be this fucking mess. She needs me to be stronger than this so that we can get through this. I mean fuck, she was there, man, how the fuck is she ever gonna bounce back from that? But I gotta be there. I gotta, I can’t, I can’t lose her too. I wouldn’t survive it.” He let out a deep breath and shook his head, “I need to sit down. This is the most I’ve been out since I got home from the hospital.”

He thanked Dr. Ramirez for handing him a tissue and he wiped up his face and blew his nose before taking a seat on the bleachers, right where Levi used to sit. He smiled as he took in the sight of the field, feeling like it was a whole other life now. “I’m turning 33 in a few weeks and I think it’s getting to me,” he admitted after a moment of silence, taking his hat off so he could clutch it in his hands. “Thirty-three, man I mean shit, you and I both know that I didn’t even think I’d make it to 23.”

“Do you feel unhappy with where you’re at?”

He took a deep breath as he thought about it. “Unhappy? No, I mean, aside from right now, I feel like before all of this and the shit with my parents I was pretty happy. I mean I don’t feel like my life is a failure. I-I guess I just thought that by now I’d feel more purpose, you know? I love what I do but I’m no passionate about it, I love my dogs and my house but man I-I want to have more. I want a spouse, I want kids, I want my life to get bigger and I just feel like it’s not gonna happen for me. Not in a fucking pity way but like in a very genuine way. Like Brady doesn’t believe she’s gonna get married which is bullshit but I’ve..I’ve always known that I would, you know? But like lately I’m not so sure.”

“But last time you were saying that you met someone..I mean is that over..how has that been?”

Ángel’s smile turned up for a second before it dropped. “Her name is Leslie. She’s...I mean she’s unlike anyone I’ve ever been with before. She has a really great heart, man. And she suffered this like..huge loss and I don’t think she’s recovered from it either. She’s super fucking smart, funny as hell, kind of crazy and a little mean but not in a like Regina George kind of way. Like I wouldn’t say she’s a mean person, she just says some mean shit to people and even mean is not the word I’d use. I mean she tells ‘em like it is, just not in a sugar coated way. I don’t know, I-” he stopped himself and took a deep breath. “Honestly Doc, I-I think I’m in love with her. Like forreal, you know? Not like in a dream, my heads in the clouds and shit. Like I love her, as a person. But being in love with her? Man I...I feel like I’m there already and it’s fucking freaking me out. Cause I’m not like..I’m not like a guy who just jumps into shit, especially not with someone who couldn’t be more relationship resistant if they tried. But when I’m with her I just...I feel like I feel with you right now you know? Like I can be real, and honest and myself and even when I do shit that she gets annoyed by, it still feels like something that we’ll talk about. She doesn’t lie to me, she’s honest with me about how she feels and I appreciate that. She doesn’t make me feel dumb. She makes me feel like I’m fucking flying man. Like when her eyes are on me, I feel like the luckiest dude in the world. I think she’s fucking amazing. But..”

He paused and took another deep breath, turning his hat over in his hands. “But she’s got a drinking problem and I’m not sure what to do about it. You know there’s no way, there’s no way we could..be together when she’s figuring so much shit out, you know? I mean I want to be with her, I know that for me but I also know that I gotta be patient if she’s who I really want because she’s..I mean she’s kind of all over the place right now. I don’t think there’s been a single time I’ve had her over where she hasn’t been drinking beforehand. I mean I’m not her fucking white knight, you know? I’m not trying to swoop into her life and fix everything, I know firsthand that real change comes from within, comes from what you’re willing to put out there. And I mean I have Quinn and Julian, who I was with side by side as they struggled with their addictions, with drinking and I mean you had to force me to set boundaries until it got too bad. So like I don’t want to interfere but I also don’t want to keep pretending like it’s not happening, you know? Like do I just wait for her to figure it out, do I talk to her mom, do I just try to talk to her about it or do I shut the fuck up and wait for something worse to happen.” The idea got him choked up again and he sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I keep having these scary fucking thoughts of hearing from her mom that they had to go get her stomach pumped or she fell into the fucking harbor and drowned and it’s extreme but, she already doesn’t feel enthusiastic about being home and being...alive so.” He sighed and dropped his hat so that he could run his hands over his head. “I want to help her, that’s more important to me than being her boyfriend. I care about her, as a person, I always have. I have since I was fucking 13 years old. I want good things for her, even if I’m not it. But where do I start? How do I start without totally losing her? I don’t want to lose her man, I fucking love her.”

“So you mean to tell me you’re carrying all of this and recovering from almost dying? Am I getting that right?” Dr. Ramirez let out a low whistle as Ángel nodded. “First things first, and we’ve talked about this before, but you can’t stop yourself from feeling your feelings. If your family and friends are not equipped to handle you being upset then they have to learn, you don’t have to pretend just because you think it will be easier on them. You’re not doing yourself any good. You lost someone very important to you, that healing doesn’t just happen over night, you know that, you’ve been working on your healing for years. It’s going to take time but you owe it to yourself to give yourself that time, take it day by day and let others be there for you. I can’t be the only person you’re honest with. If you’re not honest then everyone is just gonna assume that you’re fine and you’re gonna have another breakdown that you could have avoided. Another outbursts, another fight. Why have that happen when you could be honest? You are so good at articulating your feelings when you let yourself, that makes you more intelligent than half of the ivy league graduates, Ángel. You can’t let make yourself into a burden when you’re not.” 

“Everyone in your life loves you, and they will hold space for you, even if it pushes them to learn the same skills you had to learn to be there for them. You didn’t wake up this open and vulnerable, or do you forget our first session where you broke about six of my pencils? As for Leslie, well, you said it yourself, you’ve been through similar things with Julian and Quinn and of course it’s different. She’s the woman you love, but if what you say you feel is true than you need to find a way to help before it’s too late. Now, she may not react well to you just asking her directly, she might feel like you’re lecturing her. But something is better than nothing, you know? You have to be thoughtful, and I would maybe ask your friends for what might be helpful, what would have been helpful for them to hear when they were in that space. But you can’t do nothing, you can’t do nothing and hope it’ll go away, you know that. I know you know that and so yes, you have to decide that being there for her, trying to help her find her sobriety, is more important than you wanting to be her boyfriend. And that’s incredibly hard, but it’s incredibly easy to be selfish, it takes a whole lot of cojones to be selfless. But if anyone can do that, if anyone can reach within and find that kindness, that gentleness, it’s you. I believe in you, Ángel. But somewhere along the way you stopped believing in yourself. In your strength. You have to remember that’s there. You can’t give up on yourself, you have to keep going but you also have to give yourself grace, mano, give yourself grace. Remember that, repeat that to yourself. Grace. It’s your word of the month. You’re going to make it to 33! 33 years, man. that’s 32 years more than anyone ever thought, that you though and that is no small feat. You did that.”

Ángel took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he thought about everything Dr. Ramirez had said. He knew he hadn’t failed but he felt like it. Maybe he had stopped believing in himself, maybe he had stopped being proud and trying harder, maybe he had just hit a wall and never bothered to get around it. Tragedy had a way of bringing things to light and he felt like he was looking at his life with a whole new lens. He didn’t feel better but he felt more hopeful, like he had better tools to navigate this grief and confusion. He had to take care of himself, that much was clear, but he also had to stop stressing himself out with taking care of others so much. It didn’t mean he had to stop but he did have to take a different approach, Leslie included. “Give myself grace,” he said finally, and repeated it again as he took deep breathes. “Okay, okay, yeah, I’m gonna give myself grace,” he promised, his head still pounding from crying but the sun was shining so sweetly on the field and he closed his eyes for a moment to feel it on his face. To feel like it could have been any other day and Levi would be bounding up the steps at any moment. The truth was that Ángel wasn’t okay, he was devastated and depressed and feeling lost but he knew that he would be okay. He would be okay. And that had to be enough.

He took a deep breath and got to his feet, putting his hat back on as he grabbed his gear and they made their way back down the steps. He paused as he got to the bag he had brought with him and he pulled out a picture of him and Levi from his last championship game. “I have another copy of this, I just..I don’t know,” he stopped himself and instead of explaining, he took the picture and knelt down, digging up some of the dirt on the field with his stick before he lay the picture there and covered it. “Seems kind of dumb but I just..want this place to always have a piece of us,” he admitted. “Levi’s Jewish so the customs are different and I’m not supposed to like talk about him partying it up with the angels and shit but I don’t know, trying to find little things to pay honor in my way.” He glanced up at the sky despite himself, his smile twitching up a bit. “Love you forever, brother,” he mumbled before finally turning away, grabbing his things so they could head back to their cars and get something to eat. 

Ángel stopped short as they got to their cars and offered a soft smile. “Doc, I know we pay you for this but uh, in case I never said it enough, thank you. For doing what you do, for being my fucking therapist, my mentor, my role model, I just...you remind me of why I’m so happy I’ve stayed alive. Of why I’m so happy I get to see 33. So thank you for that.”

Dr. Ramirez’s own smile turned up as he held his hand out for Ángel to take before wrapping him up in a hug. All these years watching him grow, keeping things professional and helping him through but there was no doubt that the man in front of him had become one of his sources of pride. “Hey, anytime, Angelito. Don’t forget, you’ve always got people that have your back.”

He nodded and finally got in his car, feeling lighter and heavier all at the same time but as he started up his truck, he said the words he’d be saying to himself for weeks and weeks to come. 

“Gotta give myself some grace.” 

[purplesurveys]

663

Well hello, good to see you again. How many surveys have you taken today? This is my first, and there’s a good chance it might be my only one seeing as I’m working on my thesis tonight and feeling a bit tired as it is. So the world is dying to know the longest you've ever been on an airplane. Uhh it was somewhere between 4–5 hours, during my visit to Shanghai. Speaking of airplanes, can you sleep on them easily or no? I’m sure I’m able to fall asleep easily, I just choose not to sleep in situations where I’m traveling with a whole group of people. The one time I passed out on a plane was my trip back to Manila coming from China, and that’s because we did a lot of walking and waiting that whole day before boarding. How long did you last drive in the car for? It was like a little more than an hour. I went to Pop-Up to meet up with Hans and Angela, because I asked them to get a bouquet of roses for me to give to Gabie (they know a cheap supplier so I asked them to do the whole ordering stuff for me) for our anniversary as a surprise; but that supplier flaked at the last minute so we had to go all the way to the Marikina flower stalls to have a bouquet arranged at the last minute :/ Then after waiting for that, I drove all the way to Gab’s friend’s house in Ortigas, because she was apparently there for a whole-day shoot. FINALLY my job was done and I drove back home. It was tbh so much driving to do in like an hour that even though the friend invited me to stay over for a bit, I had to decline because I literally just wanted to be back home lol. Name me your three favorite flowers, s'il vous plait. Favorite flowers are asked in so many surveys, so once and for all, here are mine lmao: peonies, carnations, and roses.

So if I were to touch the place you last itched, would it be awkward? Nope, but I’d be weirded out because nobody ever touches another person’s eyebrows. Have you ever given food at a homeless shelter? No. I don’t even know if we have those. I know for a fact we have orphanages, homes for SPED and homes for the aged, but I dunno about homeless people. This government doesn’t give a fuck about the poor. Has anyone a grade above you ever had a crush on you? It’s always possible, but I’ve never asked around nor has anyone ever told me. Can you fly? Be honest. Nah but there was a time that it was the superpower I wanted. Have you ever come close to drowning? Yep, when I was nine. My cousins and I made like a human train where we were holding on to each other’s legs and formed just this long line in the pool, but the thing is it was in the deep end. For some reason I eventually got dragged down but I couldn’t say anything because my head was already underwater. I had to kick frantically to escape the conga line and for them to know what was up. What books did you have to read for school for summer reading this year? Haven’t been through that shit since freshman year of high school. The last thing we had to read for English was Stevan Javellana’s Without Seeing the Dawn. We also have a set of books in Filipino, but I’ve already forgotten which ones they were. What were you doing right now 24 hours ago? I think I was having dinner with my family. If not, I was working on my thesis with Andrew. Have you ever tried counting sheep to get to sleep? Does it work? I only ever tried it as a kid because it’s all we saw in American shows and Mr. Bean and the way it was portrayed is that it was such a fool-proof way to fall asleep haha. On the nights I’d be too restless or feeling too awake to sleep, I would try it, but I quickly learned it was useless. I guess it maybe works for some people, but not me.

What did you give up last year for Lent? I never gave up anything for it, even when I still ~identified~ as Catholic. Is the window in this room currently open or closed? Windows are closed. But we have our main door open to let the cold air in because we have a screen door to separate the inside from the outside anyway. What is the weirdest thing you have ever licked? Idk I try not to lick as my first reaction lmaoooo. I hate the feeling of soaked paper straws, though. Can you control your dreams if you realize you are dreaming? Nope. I always say I’m going to try, but I just never realize it when I’m already dreaming; it always feels real to me, no matter how weird the situation is. Is your phone fully charged right now? Nope, quite the opposite. It’s at 6%. If you gave yourself a symbol (ex: star) to represent you, it would be...? The yellow sparkling stars emoji. Combine your two favorite animals. What kind of animal do you get? Eledog? Today at school it was boys make girls sandwiches day. What kind of sandwich should I tell the boys to make you? Cool. Didn’t know that was a thing. My go-to sandwich is a classic banh mi. So...remember Girl Scout cookies? Any favorites you had/have? No. Never had them, never seen them, never been sold them. What is the name of the main character in your favorite book? I don’t have a favorite book but Scarlett O’Hara is one of my favorite characters. How about your favorite movie? For my top three favorites it’s Mark and Joanna Wallace, April and Frank Wheeler, and Will Hunting. If I gave you a box of chocolates, which would you hope to get? Nothing with dates, fruits, nuts, or raisins inside. I'll give you a box of chocolates but I'll eat the coconut filled ones, ok? YES, take all of them. What does your middle name rhyme with? Shell. Have you ever caught your clothes on fire before? Nope. Describe the weirdest car you've ever seen. I’ve seen a handful of cars that have modified to have monster wheels, even though they’re too suburban/small/normal to have that kind of wheel. It looks so fucking tacky. Which key on the keyboard do you think you use the least? I have never pressed the function key on my present laptop. How many times have you seen your favorite band in concert? Twice out of the three times they’ve visited. How many concerts have you seen in general? Four big, foreign acts. I’ve been to countless local shows/gigs. Are you any good at improv? Not at all. I’d be too scared to be asked to do it. Turn your eyes away from the screen. What is the first thing you see? My milk tea from Coco! Been craving it for a while and my parents got it for me this evening, so yay. When you pass a stranger in the hall, do you smile or no? For the most part no.  Do you have any special handshakes with friends? I don’t. Are you better at writing fiction or nonfiction? Nonfiction, without a freakin’ doubt. I’m garbage with anything fiction, whether reading or writing or analyzing it. Did you ever have to use Wordly Wise in school? I have never heard of that. Can you keep a secret? Technically no, because almost all secrets I know end up getting to Gabie. But Gab gives no shits about secrets/gossip so it’s also technically safe, and I don’t spill secrets to anybody else after that.

[fruit-teeth]

Foals in Winter Coats

/(The third installment of the little series I’m working on! This one gets real sappy so...beware. Once again, this is third in a series to ‘Phantom Connection’ and ‘Towers to the Sky’, so if you wanna know the context of this piece, go read those. Thanks!)/

After a few hours, Engineer finally made the decision to speak to Scout.

He found the young man outside, hitting around a few balls with his bat, a pensive expression on his face. As Engineer approached, he cleared his throat and called out to him.

“Hey, Scout! Can we talk?”

Scout didn’t turn around, and he just tossed another ball in the air and smacked it towards the sandy dunes. Engineer stopped right by him, watching the ball disappear with a whistle. “Damn. You’ll have to pick all of those up eventually, you know?”

Scout’s only response was a grunt, and he turned to walk away again. Engineer was not a man to give up, though, so he persisted. “Scout—Jeremy, listen—”

“Don’t freakin’ use my real name,” Scout gave him the stink-eye, his bat still hanging low at his side. “I don’t care if your bangin’ my dad, okay?”

Engineer paused, and he sighed, slipping his hands into his pockets. “So…he told you?”

Scout tossed another ball in the air and caught it. “Yeah. Told me everything,”

“Yeah, that’s what he said,” Engineer looked away for a moment, before glancing back up at Scout. “Listen—I don’t want nothin’ to change between us, okay? Now, look: you don’t need to make me part of your family or anything, that ain’t what I’m lookin’ for. It’s just…” he took a breath. “You got a sister, now, and I think she really needs you around,”

At the mention of the word ‘sister’, Scout’s face crumbled, and he started to sob pitifully. Those sobs felt like a stab in Dell’s chest, and he stepped close to put his arm around the younger man. “Hey, hey, hey, now,” Engineer’s voice softened, hugging him close. “Look, don’t cry, it’s okay!”

Scout sniffled, his chest heaving. “Sorry…sorry,” he messily wiped his tears across his face. “Fuck—I just…I dunno,”

Engineer took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s okay, just calm down,” when Scout caught his breath and seemed to even out his breathing, Engineer spoke up again. “Now…what’s wrong? Do you wanna tell me?”

Scout swallowed. “I dunno…it all hurts, it just fuckin’ hurts—it’s stupid!” he took another deep breath to calm himself. “It’s like…it’s like he didn’t even care about me, he didn’t stick around for me but now he sticks around for her, and it’s like…” he inhaled deeply again. “It’s not fair, okay? It’s not fair…”

“Oh…” Dell sighed, taking a moment to rub Scout’s back. “Hey, look, I’m sorry about that. I know that was hard, growin’ up without your dad,” he went quiet, looking away. “But…your dad, he feels bad about what happened, you know? He says leaving you was a mistake, and I’m sure he doesn’t wanna make that same mistake again with your sister, right?”

Scout thought for a moment, before nodding. “Yeah…yeah, I mean, that makes sense, you know? But…I dunno, I feel…cheated, I guess? That the word?”

Engineer shrugged. “Sure, I suppose. But I wanna let you know that you’re completely justified to be angry and upset, I know I would be too. This was a hell of a thing to drop on you today, I get that,” he leaned in close again. “But…I think your sister would love to have you in her life, don’t you think so? You’re not the youngest one anymore, I guess,”

Scout cracked a small smile at that. “Yeah…you’re right. I didn’t think about that,” he wiped his eyes, clearing his throat. “So…what’s her name, anyway?”

“Oh,” Dell paused. “Well…she doesn’t have one yet, but she will soon enough,” he smiled at Scout. “You wanna come inside and say hi to her? You didn’t really get a chance to,”

Scout nodded, swinging his bat over his shoulder. “Yeah, okay. Where’s she right now?”

“Inside,” Engineer replied, ushering Scout inside the base. “She’s havin’ a nap, I got Demo to watch her,”

They found Demo in the living room, watching the television as he held the baby in his lap. Soldier sat beside him, leaning in to look at the newborn and speak to her.

“And you must learn to be vigilant, or the commies will get you!” Soldier spoke very seriously to her, watching her face. “Hippies can swoop in and poison your mind, but they’re scrawny and easy to beat ‘cause they don’t eat any meat or bread,”

“Leave the lil’ lass be, Jane,” Demo scolded gently, bouncing her a bit. “Ye don’t wanna give her nightmares,”

Engineer intervened at that moment, stepping in to gently take the baby. “Hey, thanks so much for watching her, I appreciate it,”

Demo have a curt nod. “Of course! She was real good, too, didnnae even cry once,”

“Aw, that’s great! I’m glad to hear that,” Engineer cradled the infant in his arms, smiling down at her. “I’m here, now, darlin’!” he cooed, bouncing her gently. “And someone came to meet you,”

Engineer turned to Scout, who stood there awkwardly and for once virtually silent, and he moved a little closer. “Okay, hold out your arms, I’ll show you how to hold her,”

Scout nodded, visibly nervous, but he held his hands out just as instructed. “O-okay,” he gasped a little when the infant was laid in his arms, and he struggled to hold her properly. Luckily for him, Engineer gently guided him on how to support her head, and after a few seconds, he had her settled into his arms.

“Hi,” Scout swallowed a little, watching her shift and look up at him with her small, blue eyes. For a rare moment, he didn’t know what to say, but after taking a deep breath he gained his confidence back. “Hi, there, I hope you like the world so far. I know it’s screwed up, but not everyone’s a jerk, I promise,” he grinned, tightening his hold on her, adjusting to the feel of her in his arms. “Anyway, I’m your older brother, you can call me Jeremy,” he held out his finger, and as if on cue, she reached out and grabbed it. He laughed. “Nice to meet you,”

Dell felt himself tearing up a bit, but he held it back as he watched Scout bond with his new half-sister. It was a beautiful sight, and something Engineer would never forget for as long as he lived, yet he wondered if Spy was cloaked somewhere and watching. It wouldn’t be a far-fetched notion at all, Spy tended to do that, after all.

However, this was untrue. When Engineer left Scout to care for the baby so he could use the bathroom, he happened upon Spy there, sitting by the window while smoking a cigarette.

“Hey,” Engineer greeted when he saw him, stilling to watch him.

Spy put on his cigarette, turning to face Engineer. He looked tired.

“Hello. How is…the little one?”

“She’s fine,” Engineer assured. “I just introduced her to Scout. You should see ‘em, he loves her so much already,”

Spy sighed, shrugging. “Perhaps…I do not want to anger Jeremy again, though, so perhaps I will keep my distance—”

“No!” Engineer blurted out suddenly, startling Spy a bit. “I-I mean…damn it, Spy! This is a big moment for both your kids—can’t you just say hi? Or anything? Don’t sit this one out, please,”

Spy went quiet, and he took a breath, hopping down from the window. “All right…perhaps you’re right, there,”

He pushed open the door and headed out, and Engineer followed close behind, wanting to be present for this. Spy approached Scout in the living room and got his attention by carefully putting his hand on his shoulder.

“Hello, Jeremy,” Spy spoke softly, bracing himself, anticipating an angry reaction.

Scout turned to look at him, the baby still resting in his arms, and he didn’t say anything at first. After a few minutes, though, he spoke. “Hey,”

Spy took his hand off his son’s shoulder, and he let it fall to his side as he looked at the baby. “Beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Scout agreed, rocking her a little. “She really is,”

There was a long silence, and then Spy put his arm around Scout, pulling him into an embrace. Scout didn’t let go of the baby but allowed himself to be hugged, and he buried his face into his father’s shoulder. Scout sniffed, keeping the baby situated between them. “D-don’t crush her, okay? She’s really little…”

Spy almost laughed in response. “I know, I know…”

Engineer watched from a few feet away, not wanting to interrupt. However, Spy glanced up, and he reached out to beckon Dell close.

“I’m…” Engineer started to speak but instead accepted the offer, taking Spy’s hand.

Spy pulled him in to hold him close, right next to Scout, and they all held on to each other in blissful silence. They were careful not to press on the baby, though, as she was still new and fragile, but now she had her family so close to her for the first time in her young life.

[icanhearyouglaring]

anything you can do, pt. 2

summary: There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy competition between frenemies (a meet in the JL-AU) wally/artemis. b99-inspired. a/n: second part of a gift i’ve been preparing for @rachelisanerd​.  here is a link to pt. 1 also available on ao3

As luck would have it, Tigress doesn’t have to wait long to rub her lead in Flash’s face. The very next day, she gets to let her smug grin do the gloating as Aqualad goes over the mission plan to rescue some scientist from the Cult of Kobra. Flash pretends like he doesn’t notice her watching him, but the way his pen digs into the paper on the table in front of him tells her she is right where she wants to be: under his skin.

“Tigress.”

Tigress quits gloating (for now) and snaps her attention to Aqualad.

“Yes, Boss?”

“Stop calling me boss. You’ll keep watch at the south end of the base,” Aqualad says, pointing to a shack on the side of the mountain on screen. “You’ll be out of range for the mind link, but you’ll have eyes on the entire field from that position and we can’t have any surprises. As we will be under radio silence until we clear the mountain, you will not be able to contact us if there is trouble outside.”

“Got it, Boss,” Tigress says, nodding.

Aqualad internalizes his sigh and moves on.

“Finally, Flash, you will stay at the vantage point with Tigress. If something troubling arises, you run close enough to reestablish the mind link and let us know what’s happening outside. For the most part, we are not expecting any interference from beyond the confines of Kobra’s base, but we do not know when the Shadows are expected to make the trade for the doctor.”

“Quick question,” Nightwing says, raising his hand unnecessarily high. “Does Tigress get the point for spotting the Shadow or does Flash get the point for telling us about them, or do they both get points? No points?”

“Is this something that needs to be discussed right now?” Aqualad asks, not surprised in the slightest that it came up.

“There were a few complaints after the last mission so I thought it might be better to clear these things up before we go. I’m saving you a headache later,” Nightwing explains.

On Tigress’s left, Rocket snorts and whispers, “Someone’s a sore loser.”

Aqualad addresses everyone at the table. “We should hope that neither wins a point and the mission goes uninterrupted.”

“Like that’ll happen,” Superboy scoffs, leaning forward in his seat across from Aqualad. “I say Tigress should get the point.”

“No way,” Nightwing says, shaking his head. “Flash is the one doing the leg work, literally. He should get the point.”

Superboy snorts. “Spotting a Shadow takes more skill than being the human equivalent of a walkie talkie.”

Tigress doesn’t miss the way Miss Martian’s glowing eyes narrow at Superboy. She also doesn’t miss the way Superboy balks and sits back in his seat. Tigress briefly contemplates asking for a point for not missing a damn thing at this meeting.

“Hey! I thought we were friends,” Flash says, crossing his arms.

“Enough,” Aqualad says sternly. “Let us agree to play the point situation by ear and focus on the mission. If I see this bet getting in the way of the team’s performance, I will shut it down.”

That quiets the room, but it doesn’t mean the arguments stop. As Aqualad moves on to detail the logistics of the mission and the importance of maintaining a good relationship within the team, Miss Martian, using her alien-equivalent-of-a-walkie-talkie powers, lets everyone know their dutiful leader is less neutral than he appears.

Aqualad bet me a monitor duty shift they’d tie, Miss Martian says.

Wow, shut that gambling ring down, Zatanna says, hurt. All sub-bets are supposed to be placed with me.

We are not tying, Tigress says.

Flash agrees. Yeah, no ties. We’d have to do a sudden death round or something.

All in favor of sudden death being stealing the Batmobile? Nightwing suggests.

Abso-fucking-lutely not, Tigress says, before anyone can raise their mental hands in favor of sending her to hell.

Ditto, Flash says. Been there, done that, never want to do it again. The nightmares aren’t worth it.

“If anyone has any questions related to the mission, you can ask them on the Bioship,” Aqualad says, standing up (and snapping everyone’s attention back to him). “It’s time to go.”

-o-

“Oh, nice,” Flash says, leaning over to watch Tigress unpack her gear, “you brought the big bow.”

“Did anyone teach you how to be a lookout?” Tigress asks, organizing her equipment against the wall of the shack. “Were you absent the day they taught that you’re supposed to be quiet and actually look for things?”

Flash sighs melodramatically as he leans against the wall. “I have been looking, and according to the infrared scanner on my goggles, the only things around here are cute little woodland creatures and us.”

“Still failing at the whole quiet part,” Tigress notes, picking up a pair of binoculars and trying to do her job.

“Oh, come on, T. Humor me,” Flash says, zipping to and fro in the shack before plucking an arrow from her quiver and holding it towards her. “You and I are always getting stuck with the fringe jobs. You have to admit it gets boring after awhile.”

It does, but contrary to what he says, she doesn’t have to admit it.

“Did Nightwing smuggle you caffeine just to spite me?” Tigress asks, taking her eyes away from the trees to give Flash a look. “How can you be bored already? We’ve been here less than five minutes.”

“Well, you’ve been ignoring me the whole time,” Flash notes, tossing the arrow between his hands at too-high a speed.

Tigress rolls her eyes. “You know that arrow could fill this shack with smoke if you keep that up.”

“Noted.” Flash quickly places the arrow back where it belongs.

Tigress returns to scanning the treeline and sighs, “God, you’re like a puppy.”

“I am pretty cute, aren’t I?”

He is, but that is so not where she was going with that.

“You’re needy,” Tigress explains, checking another route for any movement. “You need constant attention. You have a ridiculous amount of energy. You eat so much.”

“Hey, I can’t help that last one,” Flash says, and Tigress has to imagine the pout on his face as her eyes catch some movement in a far clearing. Just a deer.

“Yeah, yeah, your metabolism, whatever. You’re still distracting.”

“Distractingly hands-shit–”   

Tigress takes the time to put her binoculars down, turn, and investigate his curse. Her eyes widen as she catches him cowl-less and smiling at her.

Tigress’s breath catches in her throat for a half-second before she yells, “Don’t do that! We’re exposed out here!”

“Calm down. I was hearing feedback,” Flash pulls his cowl back over his face and adjusts his ear piece covers. “So much for being quiet...”

The tense silence between them is broken by the sound of an owl hooting in the distance, and it is only then that Tigress snaps back into the moment.

“We’re on a freakin mission. How could you take off your cowl just like that?” Tigress asks, scowling behind her mask as her foot bounces against the floor.

“It’s fine,” Flash shrugs and shakes his head. “It’s just us. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal,” Tigress counters, roughly turning back to her lookout duties. The binoculars refuse to remain still in her shaking hands. “There are a million reasons why it’s a big deal. It defeats the purpose of having secret identities. If someone sees your real face... First, they find your face, then they find your name, and then they find you. Or worse– they find the people you care about.”

Flash steps closer. “I know the reasons, T.”

“Then for such a smart guy, you are incredibly stupid. You won’t catch me flashing my face around anytime soon.”

Flash snorts. “Come on, Tigress, we both know that’s not your real face behind that mask.”

Tigress stills before she lowers her binoculars and turns to face him again. The smug look she’d expected to find isn’t there. Instead, she’s struck by the small, knowing smile he sends her.

“You knew?” Tigress slowly asks, her eyes locking with his.

Flash nods. “I had a feeling– and I recognized the glamour charm. Zatanna made one for Aqualad so he could come to Guardian’s bachelor party sans gills.”

Tigress fights the pressure building in her chest. Flash has managed to evolve from distraction to major life disruption. It was only a matter of time.

“If you tell anyone, I will use you for target practice,” Tigress says sharply, turning back to look through the binoculars and away from Flash.

“I won’t say a word. You can trust me. Scouts honor.”

Flash leans against the window frame and watches her. This goes on for a full minute, and with every passing second, Tigress finds herself wishing for the silence to end. Why couldn’t they just go back to picking at each other?

Tigress snaps, “Stop looking at me. Do your job.”

Flash sighs and walks over to the only other window in the shack. He lowers his goggles and does as she says, but the silence eats at them both.  

Tigress puts her binoculars down and catches him looking at her again. “Seriously, it’s like I can hear you thinking about it. What do you want? A medal? World’s Greatest Detective?”

“No, I just have questions.”

“Will you drop it if I answer one?” Tigress offers.

Flash launches into a string of questions. “Are you actually that tall? Can these charms change height? Who chose this disguise: you or Zatanna? Do you ever take that thing off? And is your hair really that color? Or have all of those ginger jokes you’ve been hurling at me since we met come from personal experience?”

“I said one,” Tigress groans, even though she asked for it. She goes back to looking out the window before four quiet words slip past her lips. “I might be blonde.”

“Hmm,” Flash says, practically appearing at her side and appraising her mask-covered profile, “I can’t see it.”

“That’s the point,” Tigress says, narrowing her eyes at the blurs coming into focus in the distance. “Q&A over. We have trouble.”

Flash straightens his stance. “Where?”

“Northeast quadrant. There’s movement in the trees, heading towards the east entrance. I can’t tell from here, but it looks like two people. You need to– no, wait, it’s too late for that. If Aqualad’s on schedule, they could be coming out of there any minute now.”

Tigress tucks her binoculars back into their pouch before she grabs her bow and plucks an arrow from her quiver.

She sends a quick look to Flash before she turns back to the trees and aims. “We have to stall the Shadows before they get to the mountain.”

Tigress lets the arrow fly and watches it arc through the air until it lands just to the right of where she last saw the Shadows. There is a three second period of silence before the arrow explodes. The sound echoes through the valley.

Now they all know they are not alone.

Tigress shoulders her quiver and latches her bow to her back before she turns back to Flash and says, “The Shadows should change course to investigate. We need to stall them.”

“On it,” Flash says, and before Tigress can blink, she’s in his arms and they’re zooming through the woods.

-o-

“Nice one, genius,” Tigress says, a bit breathlessly, as Flash puts her down at the edge of a clearing. “Half of my gear is back there.”

“You won’t need it,” is all the warning they get before they catch sight of the blades flying in their direction.

Too close.

Tigress starts to turn around to let her quiver take the hit, but Flash shoves her out of the way and most of the blades end up in the trees behind them.

“Ouch,” Flash says, pulling a shuriken out of his arm, “that stings.”

“You okay?” Tigress regains her footing and pulls her bow out in an instant.

Flash nods. “Just a scratch. I’ll be fine.”

“Where are they?” Tigress asks, scanning the treeline.

“One o’clock. Just one,” Flash answers, his goggles glowing. “The other one is still heading for the gate.”

Tigress launches her arrow at the center of the field and a cloud of white smoke fills the clearing.

“I’ll keep this one busy. You go after the other one,” Tigress orders. “You can’t let them reach the doctor!”

“I’ll be right back,” Flash calls out, jogging backwards into the forest. “Keep your comm on.”

“Got it.”

Tigress fires another arrow into the cloud of smoke, and this time, it sends the smoke into the air, leaving her target exposed. The figure at the edge of the clearing gets clearer as it runs right towards her. Tigress launches an arrow at the feet of the figure, but they jump in time to avoid the netting that releases from the tip. As they descend, they fire another barrage of shuriken at Tigress. Tigress rolls out of the way and pops up with her bow at the ready. She shoots at the ground between them and a sonic wave knocks her opponent off of her feet. Tigress moves in on her prey, slowly walking towards the fallen assassin. Hmm. The grinning cat mask in front of her confirms her hunch about her opponent, as if the sais and shuriken weren’t telling enough on their own.

“Don’t move, Cheshire,” Tigress says strongly as she aims her arrow at Cheshire’s mask. “It won’t end well for you if you do.”

Cheshire stands up as she appraises Tigress, and everything about her, from her fixed posture to the stagnant smile on her mask, sends a chill up Tigress’s spine. Her reputation may proceed her, but no one could have warned Tigress about the unnerving feeling of facing Cheshire in the flesh.

“Cute,” Cheshire says, easily twirling her sai in her hands. “Wish I had time to play, kitten, but I have bigger fish to fry.”

Tigress steels herself and narrows her gaze at her target. “Don’t move. Last warning.”

Cheshire keeps twirling her sai. “My partner says Aqualad’s out there. It’s been awhile since I’ve had some fun with him. I think it’s time for a rematch, don’t you?”

“I told you to stop moving,” Tigress says, releasing her arrow without hesitation.

There is strong satisfaction in watching someone try and dodge an arrow that releases a boxing glove before impact. Tigress has to work to tame her grin as the glove gets a good half of Cheshire’s mask and sends it flying into the dirt.

Cheshire’s face pinches as she bares her teeth at Tigress and charges, a mess of wild black hair and loose green fabric. Instead of the sai, or the sword, or the sudden screeching emanating from the valley, it’s the dark, determined eyes shining in the moonlight that have Tigress’s full attention.

It registers in slow motion, a feeling akin to an off-centered gear clicking back into place somewhere deep inside, and Tigress can’t do anything but lower her shot and let Cheshire tackle her to the ground as she realizes exactly who she’s fighting.

“Jade?” Tigress gasps, her mind snapping back into action as she instinctively blocks Cheshire’s incoming punch.

“What?” Cheshire–Jade– snarls, going in for another hit.

Tigress manages to free her legs out from underneath Cheshire and kick her back into the dirt.

“Jade,” Tigress repeats tightly before she sits up and asks, “is that you?”

“Who are you?” Jade says from the ground, breathing hard from the strength of the kick.

Tigress quickly takes off her mask and tosses it to the side. The million reasons to keep it on are outweighed by the million and one reasons to take it off for the woman in front of her.

“Jade, it’s me,” Artemis says, ripping the glamour charm from her neck and letting it fall to the ground beside her mask.

For a long moment, the only sounds in the clearing come from the wind rushing through the trees.

“Artemis.” Jade looks at her like she’s a ghost, and Artemis knows her own face must mirror her sister’s because for the longest time–

“I thought you were dead,” they say, breaking their stunned silence in unison.

Jade holds eye contact with Artemis as she stands and holds her side.

“Dad said–” Artemis’s voice fails her, as do her legs as they refuse to move. “Dad said you were dead.”

“He’d like that, wouldn’t he?” Jade says, stopping just a foot away from Artemis. “I can’t believe you’re here right now. I’ve been to your grave.”

Jade holds out a hand and Artemis takes it and it feels so wrong. Artemis stands and faces her sister, hoping with all her might that this is not some trick.

“I had to disappear,” Artemis chokes out, never having thought she’d have to explain herself to Jade. “He wanted me to replace you. I didn’t– I wouldn’t–”

“You couldn’t,” Jade says darkly.

“You– How–” Artemis’s question is cut off by the voice in her ear.

Miss M neutralized the Shadow before I got there. On my way back to Tigress.

“I have to go,” Jade says, looking back and forth between the mountain and Artemis.

Jade presses her hand against her ear as she starts walking backwards, towards the edge of the clearing. “On my way.”

Artemis takes a step forward. “Jade– you–”

Jade shakes her head, picks up her mask, and continues sinking back into the treeline.

“Don’t worry about Dad,” Jade says, quickly donning her mask. “I’ll take care of him.”

“Jade, wait!” Artemis calls out, echoing the last words she’d spoken to her sister so long ago. “Don’t go...”

Her heart sinks as Jade disappears into the trees and it takes every bit of strength she has to not collapse to the ground right then and there.

Jade is not dead. She didn’t know her actual life could feel like a bigger lie than the one she constructed for herself. She’s so consumed by the thought that she doesn’t even hear Flash stumble through the trees.

“T? What happened?” Flash asks, slowing to a stop beside her. “Did you get yours?”

Artemis doesn’t dare look him in the eye. Instead, she focuses on what she can see: the tear in his suit and the blood on his arm.

“Give me your arm,” Artemis instructs, mechanically pulling a wound dressing from her belt.

“It’s no big deal. I’m already healing.” Flash cranes his neck away from her as he extends his arm towards her. Artemis doesn’t need to look at his face to know his eyes are closed. “Where’s your Shadow?”

“Gone.” Artemis presses the dressing against his cut and applies pressure. “Cheshire uses poisoned blades. You might burn through it, Mr. Metabolism, but it’s going to take awhile for the wound to close.”

“Cheshire? Was that– uh, you know your glamour charm is off, right?” Flash trails off uncomfortably.

“You can look at me,” Artemis says, checking that the dressing will hold. “It’s fine. I don’t need it anymore.”

He keeps his eyes shut. “The reasons–”

Artemis cuts him off and looks up. “My reasons aren’t reasons anymore.”

Flash opens his eyes, takes a good long look at her, and frowns. “You’re shaking. What happened?”

“Oh,” Artemis says, looking at her hands, “I am. Yeah, that’s– uh, that’s probably the shock.”

“What happened? What do you need?”

Tigress, Flash. We have the doctor in the Bioship. Heading to the pick up location. Confirm your status, Aqualad’s voice buzzes in their comm lines.

“Zatanna,” Artemis whispers, crossing her arms as she tries to quell the shaking. She shuts her eyes tightly and tells herself to get it together, but she can’t. “No one else. I need Zatanna.”

Flash responds to Aqualad. “Not ready for pick up. Had a run in with Cheshire near the south entrance, but she got away. Heading back to the shack to collect our gear.”

Cheshire? Are you two okay?

“Yeah, we’re fine. Just a little cut up, but it’s nothing we can’t handle. You guys should get the doctor out of here in case she called for backup.”

Cut up? Cheshire uses blades laced with jellyfish poison. Did either of you get hit?

“Maybe once, maybe three times,” Flash says, drawing out his answer. “I’m starting to feel it. I would be grateful if Zatanna could pop in at the shack with one of her antidotes.”

Sure thing, Zatanna chimes in. I’ll wait for you there.

“Great, thanks,” Flash says. “The rest of you can get out of dodge. We’ll use the nearest Zeta-Beam to meet you at the Watchtower.”

Alright, Aqualad relents. Be careful. Kobra’s men are fanning out into the forest to secure their perimeter.

“Got it. Flash out.”

“Thanks,” Artemis says, opening her eyes. “Did you really just call off our ride?”

“You didn’t want the whole team around right now,” he explains, before he nods in the direction of the shack. “We should start walking.”

“Right,” Artemis says, nodding. After a second, she adds, “Are you okay? I only saw one cut.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was just the one. Had to play it up for the boss.”

Artemis snorts lowly. “He doesn’t like it when we call him boss.”

“Then it’s a good thing he can’t hear us,” Flash says, tapping on his comm.  

The forest is rocky, but not enough to slow them down. They follow a trail up the mountain, and though Flash tries to play off every little slip or sway, Artemis makes sure to stay within arms length of him, in case that poison is affecting him more than he cares to admit. Her slight worry subsides the minute he starts talking again.

“So,” Flash starts slowly, “now that I can see the blonde, I have to admit it. It works for you.”

“Thanks,” Artemis says shortly, walking past him to lead the way.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.

“Nope,” she answers quickly, but the word leaves a sour taste in her mouth.

“O-kay,” Flash says, not pushing it further.

They walk in silence for awhile longer, giving Artemis ample time to regret her decision. Jade said she’d take care of their father and something tells her Jade’s definition of taking care of things hasn’t gotten any more tame with age. If anything, she wouldn’t be surprised if she found out tomorrow that Sportsmaster had been broken out of Iron Heights only to have his ass kicked right outside the prison gates. She’s not sure Jade’s reached the point of patricide, but what does she know, right?

When the shack comes into view, Artemis abruptly stops walking and turns around. Flash nearly walks straight into her, but stops about an inch away before he takes a step back. Artemis knows that the second she sees Zatanna, she will break down, so this has to happen now.

“Actually, yes, I want to talk about it.” Artemis says, exhaling loudly. “I need to– I should practice saying this.”

“Okay then, think of me as your practice dummy,” Flash says, jerking his thumb at the lightning bolt on his chest.  

There’s a joke there, an easy one, but Artemis lets it go unsaid and gets straight to the point.

“Right, well,” Artemis stumbles over her words before she shrugs her shoulders back and says, “first off, my name is Artemis.”

Flash extends his hand towards her for a handshake and says, “Nice to meet you. I’m Wally.”

“Wally.” Artemis pauses. “Really?”

“Hey.”

“Okay, okay... uh, next thing. When I was seventeen, I– uh, faked my own death,” Artemis says, speeding up towards the end.

Flash stops shaking her hand as his grip tightens.

“You what?” he asks, eyes wide.

Artemis pulls her hand away as she hurriedly shrugs and explains, “Well, it was either that or kill someone.”

“What?” Flash repeats, waving his hands at her.

“This is why I need practice,” Artemis says, wincing as she throws her hands in the air. “Forget it. Let me start from the beginning. My name is Artemis. My dad is a bad guy. Literally. He’s Sportsmaster. My mom is an ex-con. She was Huntress. I had a sister. I have a sister. That’s Cheshire.”

“Okay,” Flash says, holding a hand to his head as he paces back and forth. “Okay, okay, okay.”

“Stop that.” Artemis swats at him. “It’s really complicated, okay?”

“Okay!” Flash yelps, unintentionally throwing water on the grease fire that is this conversation.

“Stop saying okay!”

“I don’t know what else to say!”

“Stop yelling!”

“You stop yelling!”

“Both of you: piz ti!” Zatanna whisper-shouts at them from the door of the shack. “You’re going to get us caught. Now get in here.”

Zatanna waits to unzip their lips until she’s done applying antidote to Flash’s wound and Artemis is finished packing her gear, much to their silent and much-mimed protest. After Artemis’s first three weak words (Cheshire is Jade), Zatanna looks at them both and promptly throws their plan into the wind. Instead of taking them to the nearest Zeta Point, she opens a portal, pushes them through, and they end up sitting in a line on the couch in the living room of Artemis’s apartment.

Artemis places her pack on the coffee table before she stands up and turns to face her supposed best friend.

“What the hell, Zee?” Artemis says, waving at her sparsely furnished living room. “Why’d you bring us here?”

Flash’s “Is this your place?” goes largely ignored as Zatanna stands up and grabs Artemis by the shoulders.

“Jade is Cheshire?” Zatanna asks, her bright eyes boring into Artemis’s.

“Yeah,” Artemis exhales.

The jitters she’d been feeling since seeing Jade fade, giving way to an aching emptiness in the pit of her heart.

“Cheshire is Jade,” Artemis repeats, her voice wobbling.

Zatanna’s eyes steel as Artemis’s eyes fill with tears. As she engulfs Artemis in a hug, Zatanna slowly leads them toward her bedroom door.

“Stay here,” Zatanna says, as Artemis buries her face in Zatanna’s shoulder. Zatanna is the only reason she’s still upright.

Artemis kicks the bedroom door shut behind, hoping it will muffle the pained sob that claws its way past her lips. That one and the next one and the next one.

-o-

Artemis’s swollen eyes open painfully slow, giving her time to use her other senses to gather her surroundings. The faint smell of coffee in the air coaxes her into full consciousness, partly because she craves it and partly because Zatanna is still snoring next to her and she doesn’t remember setting the timer on the coffeemaker before falling asleep. She slips out of bed, careful to not wake Zatanna, who’d so gracefully taken on the role of human tissue dispenser for the night.

Artemis tiptoes her way to the door, opens and closes it without so much as a click, and heads towards the light emanating from the kitchen. She stands in the doorway for a moment, taking in the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the sight of Wally pouring himself a cup.

“You’re still here?” Artemis asks, stepping into the kitchen.

“Oh, yeah,” Wally says, twisting around to face her. “No one told me to leave and I fell asleep. That is a really comfortable couch. You want a cup?”

“Yeah, thanks. I didn’t think we’d be so long. Oh shit,” Artemis groans, rubbing her palm against her temple. “Aqualad–”

“Taken care of,” Wally interjects as he pulls another mug from her cabinet. “I told him we’d debrief later. Took a little creative license with the reason why.”

Artemis takes a seat on the barstool by the kitchen counter. “What’d you tell him?”

Wally laughs to himself as he fills her mug and holds it out to her. “You had bad clams for lunch.”

“Thanks,” Artemis says, rolling her eyes and taking the mug in her hands, “if only. Is it weird I wish that were the reason?”

“Nah,” Wally says, shrugging as he leans against the countertop across from Artemis.

“What a night,” she mutters into her mug before taking a sip.

“It wasn’t all bad.”

Artemis snorts. “Easy for you to say.”

Wally places his mug on the countertop and “Look at it this way: we rescued the doctor. No major injuries. Mission accomplished.”

Artemis leans forward, rests her head on her hand, and flatly asks, “What else you got, Mr. Brightside?”

“You have a sister again, and well, I don’t know about you, but I made a new friend,” Wally says, smiling as he takes a sip of coffee.

Can’t argue with that, Artemis thinks, pursing her lips as she watches him. He’s made himself comfortable here, rifling through her cabinets with his cowl down and taking a nap on her truly exquisite couch. She likes that he likes the couch, for some reason. The thought makes her sit up straight and take a long swig of her coffee. The coffee is watery, not at all as strong as she’d like it, but it’s still nice. She cradles the mug in between her hands as she speaks again.

“So, Zatanna shut us up before I could finish practicing,” she starts, looking up from her mug resolutely. “Do you think we could try again?”

Wally nods and puts down his mug. “I’m all ears.”

Artemis exhales softly before she starts over. “The abridged version is that my mom, Huntress, got sent to Lockhaven and my sister, Jade, started to tag along with my dad on his jobs. Jade was a natural at it. That kind of life suited her, obviously.”

“One night, my dad came home without her. He said Jade had made a mistake and gotten herself killed for it.” Artemis snorts, restlessly tapping her fingers against her mug. “I should’ve known that was a lie. Jade never made mistakes. I should’ve known.”

“Dad started training me after that. I had to be better than Jade, but I couldn’t– that wasn’t me,” Artemis says, her mind flipping through the harsh memories of early training days and late night crime sprees.

“I ran into Zatanna during a stakeout, and when she asked me what I was doing on top of the museum, I literally couldn’t stop myself from telling her the truth. She cast a spell on me,” Artemis says quickly before she stops tapping her fingers, looks to the bedroom door, and softens her expression. “We’ve been friends ever since.”

“Uh-huh,” Wally says, entirely for Artemis’s benefit, as his level of actual understanding could be qualified as so-so, tops.

“When I was seventeen, my dad started to suspect I was throwing fights and trying to get him caught. And, well, I was, but I didn’t want him to know that. It wasn’t pretty when he confronted me about it. After that, he said I had to get my act together or I’d end up just like Jade.”

Artemis watches Wally’s eyebrows pinch, a subtle movement made plain by the pure amount of effort he’s putting into keeping a straight face.

“When I told Zatanna about what he’d said, we came up with a plan, she made me the glamour charm, and everything kind of spiraled out of control from there. I set up a fake job to ruin. With a little acting and a lot of magic, we convinced him I was dead and that was the end of it. If Artemis was dead, he wouldn’t come after me. I wouldn’t have to claim him. I wouldn’t have to worry about people doubting me as a hero.”

“When I look back at it, I see there were several, less-severe solutions to my problem, but Zee and I were scared and under no adult supervision so we went straight for the nuclear option,” Artemis laughs humorlessly. “After we did it, I visited my mom and told her the truth. She still had a year left in Lockhaven, but she– she supported my decision. I think she only did it because Jade was dead. I lived with Zatanna until she joined the League, and then I got my own offer. Dream come true, really. I had to tell Batman the truth, and Black Canary knows, and Green Arrow knows, but besides them and my mom, no one else knew before today.”

Artemis crosses her arms and nods, mostly to herself, as she says, “That’s it.”

“Of all the reasons you’d have a glamour charm, I never would have guessed it being what you just said,” Wally says, exhaling softly. “I really thought you were just Nightwinging to the extreme.”

Artemis can’t help but snort. “Does Nightwing know you’ve adjectivized his name?”

Wally smiles. “Not yet. Should I tell him soon?”

“I don’t know. He might think you’re treading into his territory,” Artemis warns, unfolding her arms to grab her mug once more.

Wally rolls his eyes. “Pfft, he doesn’t have a monopoly on wordsmithing.”

They share a light look as they take sips from their mugs and ease back into the heavier half of the conversation before them.

“Hey, uh, Artemis?” Wally asks, placing his coffee mug down on the countertop.

Artemis looks up from her mug. “Yeah?”

Wally leans against the countertop and looks her in the eyes. Even in the low lighting, she can make out the faint freckles spanning the edges of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose.

“You don’t have to worry about people doubting you. You’re, uh, one of us. Have been for awhile. You’re– I mean, the numbers don’t lie. You’re a great hero and–” Wally takes a breath. “Look, what I’m trying to say is this: if you decide to tell the League, the only thing that’ll change for us is your name, and your face, and your hair. But who you are will be the same. That’s all that matters.”

“Thanks,” slips out before Artemis can put more words together to express how much she really means it.

Wally smiles. “And, if your dad does find out, he’s going to have to fight a whole lot of people before he gets to you.”

Artemis smiles as she leans in to take another sip of her coffee. “Well, what do you know? Flash and substance.”

Wally laughs into his mug.

Artemis’s nose wrinkles as she nears the end of her drink. “And sub-par coffee making skills. I’ll make the next pot so you can see what real coffee tastes like.”

“Everything’s a competition with you, isn’t it?”

-o-

No one asks any questions when Flash and Zatanna return to the Watchtower that morning with a blonder, darker Tigress. They don’t have time to ask, really, because Tigress takes off her mask and explains it all the same way she did to Flash (albeit a bit more coherently). When Nightwing tries to break the tension by asking who won the point for the mission, Flash makes a show of lamenting the result and calling it a tie.  

-o- 

TBC...

[thetriggeredhappy]

15 for speeding bullet cause I’m a sucker for the way you write them

hell yea man!! (warnings for cuddling and sappy shit)

15.) “When I’m with you, I’m home.”

Coldfront was, speaking completely objectively, the worst place on earth.

Now, Scout knew cold. He was better off than most of the team when it came to cold, beaten only by Heavy (three steps away from a literal actual bear) and Pyro (who Scout wasn’t even completely convinced felt pain, let alone things like temperature). Growing up in Boston, so close to the seaboard, family unable to pay the heating bill every other year and with hole-filled hand-me-downs as his only option for clothing, it made him get used to feeling cold really quickly. He knew when to start pulling on two pairs of socks and a second t-shirt under his jacket to keep warm, knew to eat a hot meal whenever possible and keep out of the wind and to only start worrying about his extremities the moment they stopped aching with cold. He knew cold.

But Coldfront, in the dead of winter, was cold cold. Frostbite-after-twenty-minutes-of-exposure kinds of cold. Negative-twenty-windchill-in-the-height-of-day kinds of cold. Heavy-putting-on-gloves kinds of cold.

The fact that they almost always got stationed in Coldfront for at least part of the winter every year was what started to convince him that their boss straight up hated them.

He always felt especially bad for Sniper when they were stationed in Coldfront. He didn’t know how to stand to best hold in body heat or to take off your jacket to thermoregulate when indoors, and didn’t ever really have major cold to deal with anyways. He was born and bred and built for raw, sweltering, pavement-boiling heat, and couldn’t do cold. The first year they ended up in Coldfront, the first night ended with Respawn firing up at one in the morning and Sniper stumbling out of it, having frozen to death in his camper while he slept. He was left cold and miserable from the weather, and horribly stressed since he could no longer sleep in his camper and instead had to bunk with everyone else, something he was very much not used to.

A necessity of the cold was having the mercs pair up and share rooms during the worst of the cold half the time, as only some rooms had heating or stoves or fireplaces, and there weren’t enough for everyone to have one room for each of them, and they needed the additional bodies to heat rooms even that much more.

Once Scout and Sniper became… best buddies, it was unspoken that if everyone was going to be rooming together, they’d pair up to share, an immediate improvement of the previous arrangement of Demo and Soldier and Scout sharing a room, with Soldier and Scout getting in fistfights frequently enough for Engie to stick a dispenser in the hall outside and Demo being enabled to drink even more than usual once he had people who were willing to drink with him on hand at all times.

The room had two twin beds, but right up front, the two of them pushed the twins together to make one large bed, already knowing they would end up sharing.

Scout finished off his nightly routine by shoving more wood into the stove that stood inconveniently in the middle of one wall, then moving to get under the three quilts they’d piled on the bed to join Sniper. Sniper didn’t hesitate to pull Scout over, as he was growing used to. Sniper was faintly shivering, even under the blankets, and had informed Scout on more than one occasion that he was like if a hot water bottle was a person. Scout was okay with dealing with Sniper’s cold hands for the sake of cuddles, not that he’d ever say it out loud. He had a reputation to keep.

With their combined body heat, the cold of the room was chased away fairly quickly from under their multiple blankets, and soon they were left feeling toasty for the first time since the previous night. Sniper’s shivering faded away, and he slowly started untensing, Scout helping him along by kneading at his shoulders idly. He gave a soft noise of approval, well and truly sinking into Scout.

“Y’know the one good thing about this awful place?” Sniper murmured, voice muffled by the pillow he’d buried his face in.

Scout hummed in question.

“Get the excuse to hold you like this all the time,” he said. Scout’s heart swelled in his chest, and he felt a goofy smile pull at his cheeks despite his best efforts.

“Sappy,” he chided quietly, holding him a bit tighter for a second.

“Maybe.”

Scout chewed on a thought for a few seconds, considering whether he would be laughed at if he said it. Given how cheesy Sniper had just been, he doubted he would, but he did think about it for a minute regardless.

“Y’know,” Scout finally said, making up his mind, “I remember when I was a kid, we, uh, there were some years when we didn’t have heating. There was this one winter when I was little—like little little—when we didn’t have heat an’ it got real cold at night, and so one night I just, went into Ma’s room and asked to share with her for the night because it was so freakin’ cold. A few of my brothers—we, uh, shared a room, y’know?—wanted to know where I ran off to when I didn’t come back, an’ they ended up sharin’ too. We ended up with like, the four youngest an’ Ma all piled on a queen-sized for the night. It was, uh…” He realized all at once that he probably sounded ridiculous. “…It was nice.”

Sniper hummed, and it was quiet for a second. “Did somethin’ similar as a tyke. M’dad hated it. Thought it’d make me soft, headed to share the bed with my mum every time I heard the dogs barkin’ outside tryin’ to send up the alarm about some predator or another wandering too close.” A short pause again. “And maybe it did. Dunno. Did help at the time, though.”

“I just had my brothers for that sorta thing,” Scout hummed. “I ever woke up from a nightmare, I’d just be in a room with like at least five dudes who all could and practically have scalped a guy for pickin’ on me. Upside of bein’ the youngest. And if I ever did call in Ma on someone, that’s, uh, yikes. She takes no hostages.”

“Your mum sounds pretty great,” Sniper said.

“So’s yours,” Scout replied.

A pause. “Yeah. Most’a the time,” he agreed carefully.

Scout tilted his head a bit. “What’s the hesitation?”

Another pause, longer. “Just… she did… her best,” he said, just as carefully. “She couldn’t help… the, the fact that I was… fact that I am, just…”

Scout tilted his head a bit further, but Sniper pulled him closer, keeping his face out of sight.

“She couldn’t help that there’s somethin’ not right with me, and she tried to help me work around it,” he finally settled on. “Did what she could. Didn’t kick me out. Still… talks to me an’ all, even though I ran off.”

Scout frowned. “Not right with you?”

Sniper shook his head lightly, exhaling. “It’s a lot. I’ll… explain later,” he said. “I just wanna enjoy this.”

Scout was still grappling with the concept of not being unconditionally fond of one’s family. His brothers pissed him off, sure, and he sometimes went a good week or so being mad at them, but he would never hesitate to say that they were good overall (except to their faces). No matter how annoyed he was with them, he would never waste a second jumping into a fight to defend their honor, just as they always did for him. The thought of not having that was…

It made his chest hurt to think about. He didn’t get it.

“Don’t you miss them?” he asked quietly. “Don’t you miss being home, and… and goin’ around town seeing what all’s the same, what’s different, and… and talkin’ about what all the neighbors have gotten up to, and what the latest drama is, and…”

Sniper shrugged lightly, careful not to dislodge Scout. The motion did move the blankets just slightly, and a tiny burst of air flooded into their haven under the blankets, surprisingly refreshing. “Never really had that,” he said quietly. “Town was a while away from the farm. A good few miles’ walk got me to school if I cut through the brush, but town was always a drive. And the house was… the house was work, usually, shepherding, takin’ care of the land, the few non-sheep we had. I suppose I have the van, but that was always just me, and I was always moving.”

“But what was home?” Scout insisted, a grief sinking into his chest at the prospect Sniper was explaining.

Sniper was quiet for a few moments, thinking, and just that pause made his chest ache even worse. “Dunno what makes somethin’ count as one,” he admitted, voice gravelly.

Scout thought for a second. “Just… somewhere safe, somewhere that makes you… feel good. Like, like you’re allowed to relax, like you can just… be, like nothin’s gonna go wrong, and… like you’re…” He took another second. “Like you can just recharge there, and if somethin’ does go wrong, that’s where you can go to recover. It’s… a place you know, and it’s reliable, and it’s safe.”

Sniper was silent. Contemplating. Scout counted a good dozen heartbeats before he spoke again.

“When I’m with you, I’m home,” Sniper finally said, voice quieter than ever before, and all at once Scout was paralyzed. He tried to pull back enough to look at Sniper, but Sniper wouldn’t budge.

“Hey. Look at me,” Scout requested, hand stroking over Sniper’s back in what he hoped was a soothing motion. Sniper did pull back after a second, and Scout cupped his cheek cautiously, aware that suddenly this moment became fragile, that breaking it might just be irreparable. He chose his words carefully. “I’m gonna be the kinda home you’ve got for a long time, alright?” he said softly.

Sniper had to break eye contact, blinking a few times, stubbornly holding back the wetness in his eyes, swallowing hard. “Thank you,” he said, voice thick despite his best efforts.

“Hey. I mean it,” Scout said, tilting his head to get back in Sniper’s line of sight. He tried for a smile. “You’re stuck with me.”

That got him a smile and eye contact, at least for a moment, before Sniper pulled him back into an embrace. “I hope so,” he said. He took a breath, exhaled shakily. “God, I hope so.”

[plush-anon]

tejoxys

I finally saw the Endgame spoilers clip

*rubbing my grubby little hands together bc I love a good roast*

Welp, if it’s a roast you want, a roast you shall receive!

(Note: I think I spoke vaguely enough about everything big in the Clips below NOT to warrant an outright Spoilers tag, so I’m leaving it with just an Endgame Leaks tag and a ‘Read More’ line. Message me if you’ve a.) seen the Clips/gone scrolling for more info in the Spoilers tag and b.) think it’s more spoilery than I try to vague it to be, and I’ll tag it post haste)

Christ Almighty, the Clips just make everything look like an enormous MESS.

Thor looks just... awful. In every scene. LITERALLY EVERY SCENE HE’S IN IN THESE SPOILERIFIC CLIPS, HE LOOKS TERRIBLE. There isn’t a single one where he doesn’t look like a mess. Everyone else gets a glow-up (new hair, tattoos, freshly shaved) and looks put together in general (which is admittedly baffling - really, EVERYONE looks good in the face of mass genocide and failure to stop it from occurring?) but Thor decided to whip out his Big Lebowski cosplay at their big ‘save the world’ get-together... why??? (seriously Thor, was a shower too much to ask for?)

Now, if we’d had ANY inclination that anyone else looked rough aside from Tony and Nebula a la the stuck-in-space teaser trailers we saw originally, that would be one thing. Everyone there lost a loved one, everyone there has probably had to come to terms with the fact that they FAILED TO STOP THANOS when they were all right freakin’ there! NO ONE SHOULD LOOK 100% OKAY HERE. Show me dishevelment, poor coping mechanisms, show them having to struggle for weeks (maybe even MONTHS) after the events.

But nope! They are ALL in perfect health according to the trailers we’ve seen before. Even Tony, after nearly dying in space multiple times, just takes a bath and appears to be in fine health after getting back (with some bags under the eyes). Everyone’s perfectly fine, except for Thor (and maaaaaybe Hawkeye, who looks to have gone full-on Frank Miller Batman in his quest for vengeance, but still had time to get a mullet and some sweet sleeve tats in between!).

Nice.

This is a MASSIVE problem with the MCU as a whole, and has been for a while: their repeated attempts to gloss over and sweep consequences of mental trauma and illness away under the rug until it suits them for plot convenience or for comedy. You see this in the Thor sequels a LOT (Selvig being institutionalized for comedy after being possessed, Loki being kept in literal solitary confinement for roughly 2 years, Valkyrie’s PTSD and alcoholism played for laughs, mocking Loki’s suicide attempt from Thor 1 and the actual death he survived in Thor 2, ALL of Odin’s outright dickishness as a parent a la narcissistic parenting, Hela being imprisoned in isolation for literal CENTURIES), as well as anything to do with Tony Stark and his thought process (everything he does is pretty much as a result of the trauma he endures, and everyone in the Avengers just??? doesn’t recognize it??? and attacks him for it without going ‘hey, maybe he’s got PTSD’ or something???? what the hell, man). GOTG does a MUCH better job of it with Rocket and Nebula, but Mantis is left woefully unrealized (thought they do touch upon it briefly, and handle it with relative seriousness). 

Either way, Thor concerns me a LOT, because he is the king of a very small group of Asgardian refugees (and given the scene that shows in the Clips, as well as the appearance of another Thor character later on, we KNOW there were multiple survivors), trying to find a new life on Midgard in the face of not one, not two, but THREE fcuking tragedies - the destruction of Asgard, Thanos’ attack on their ship, and the Snap. Why is he the way he is, in the location he’s in (which actually appears to be the apartment from Team Thor’s mockumentary)? He is the only semblance of leadership left for these people who have lost everything and he’s Like That. Where is a Thor stressed and fretting over being fully responsible for once in his life over the lives of his people, over what little remains of his kingdom? Where is a Thor struggling with guilt as he tries to build a new life for his people, struggling with rule and politics and trade? WHERE IS HE??? Bc right now, all I see is Chris Hemsworth auditioning for the remake of The Big Lebowski, having wandered onto the Avengers set instead of his audition location by mistake -_-

The scenes with Steve leave me absolutely baffled (and some of them just ooze cheese, and not in a great way), because how in the fcuk do we get to those?? His scenes feel the most disjointed here, bc they all have a similar vibe to his personality in Whedon’s Avenger movies. Kind of the ‘Boy Scout’ presentation, which is particularly odd in the aftermath of the Russo Fools’ two Cap movies and Infinity Fcuk Up, which made him more serious, less - bright? I can’t think of a good word for it rn. This is particularly highlighted in his big ‘save the world’ speech we hear - it feels kind of like an ‘okay team, time to save the world!’ speech, instead of something more serious. Is it to try to bring everyone’s hopes up? What else is missing here that we’re not seeing? Why does he feel like he’s back to this persona in light of all that’s happened? Is it to highlight how good and awesome he is in order to {SPOILER REDACTED} like we see in that final sequence? (Also, the imagery for SPOILER REDACTED, while meant to be badass and awesome, feels... kind of awkward, IMHO. Which is weird, bc I thought it would be more amazing and awesome. IDK, maybe I’m just super jaded with the MCU by now).

Carol Danvers’ scenes are actually pretty on point. She gets to be a badass in her fighting scenes and gets an awesome new look that pretty much only functions to further cement her Lesbian Status. The only way she would be more obviously a Lesbian is if her suit were in the colors of (one of) the Lesbian Pride flags and a Cyndi Lauper song was playing in the background (or maybe Joan Jett).

Hulk/Bruce Banner... I don’t even know how they’re going to swing this. Like, at all. I’m particularly baffled bc given how some of the scenes appear to be set early in the film, it resolves extremely quickly to get to that point, and after all the drama of Hulk not coming out in Infinity Fcuk Up, I just - who the fcuk knows at this point. Also, that one scene with the {SPOILER REDACTED} could be effective depending on how they set it up, but then... why exactly is he the one in the scene with the {SPOILER REDACTED} and not Carol or Thor, due to Obvious Plot Reasons?

Finally, Peter Parker. He’s adorable in his scenes, ‘nuff said.

Now, after seeing these scenes, I am left EXTREMELY CONCERNED for this movie’s tone. Granted, it was only 5 minutes of footage for a 3 hour movie. Quite clearly, there is a LOT we aren’t seeing. All the same though, it feels extremely disjointed. I know they’re trying to pull away from the dark and grim ending of Infinity War, but these clips make it all feel a little too casual, a little too ‘let’s go beat the bad guy!’ as opposed to ‘we have suffered a great failure and a great tragedy - as heroes, we MUST work to undo this for the sake of those we have lost, and everyone left alive who has lost the people they loved’. Idk, that may just be me on this one.

But you know the worst part of all of THIS? The worst part is that this is probably what we’re going to get on the release date. This isn’t a trailer Marvel released with deleted live-action scenes featuring minimal to no CGI, or sections clumsily edited over with explosion effects - this was a slew of scenes with a TON of special effects fully rendered in painstaking detail, recorded with a phone on its side in what looks like a movie theater, with foreign subtitles on the screen (I honestly don’t recognize the alphabet, but it might be Middle Eastern). That CGI is expensive and time-consuming as all hell to do, and considering how many of these scenes had it? Either they wasted a shit-ton of money on scenes they didn’t use (seriously, a number of them have Rocket in them, or Hulk - those aren’t the easiest characters to render, I would imagine), or these are in the movie, end of story.

Not to mention, TPTB clamped down on these Clips HARD - like, IMMEDIATELY - as opposed to the process behind deleting Reddit comments. The fast and heavy response from Marvel and the Russo Fools, COMPLETE WITH OFFICIAL TWEET LETTER, along with a Chris Evans tweet not to Spoil the Shit, was to chastise the ones who did (which is somewhat warranted here, given how extreme the security on leaks for Endgame have been).

This response, combined with the quality of the clips, and some of the plot threads that actually seem to be mentioned/referenced in the Lego sets, leads me to believe it’s real.

And I’m not really impressed.

On the flipside, I’m actually kind of relieved, knowing what I’m going into when I walk into the theater opening weekend. I’m not going to be completely shocked and horrified by what I see. This works well in breaking the ice, and also eases some of my anxiety on what to expect (bc I have had a LOT of it for this movie).

The downside to this is that at the end of the day, this is what 22 films ultimately amounted to. Something that feels a little too glib, a little too rushed. Something that doesn’t feel like it’s doing right by the characters who were left, and the characters we love (at least, not in full).

I understand that this is an insurmountable task - to bring to film, with limited time, a satisfying conclusion to so many characters. To arrange hundreds of people within thousands of hours on a set budget to bring this massive story, building for over ten years now, to a close that will resonate and sate with as many fans as possible. But I read fanfiction that does just that with less time, fewer moments, no budget - hell, there are 10k oneshots that rewrote Infinity Fcuk to make sense and treat the characters with the respect that they’ve earned over 20+ films.

This? Doesn’t feel like those.

I will happily admit, I am guesstimating a LOT here, based off of what essentially amounts to 3% of the movie (slightly more, depending on how long the credits are sans post-credit scenes, but still roughly 3%). There is a LOT that is missing, which could fill in these gaps successfully and make this whole post look completely pointless. If it does that, I will gleefully concede that it fooled us on this one. Maybe all of these scenes really ARE hoaxes (even if they were painstakingly subtitled in a foreign language and shown on a movie theater-size screen, but I digress).

But the framing of the scenes looks like it was meant to showcase what the movie would be as a whole, in terms of tone and what to expect. And from that, I’m not excited, or overjoyed. I’m just tired.

And I cannot WAIT for this all to be over, bc I’m fcuking exhausted just watching 5 minutes. Lord knows what 182 of them will leave me like in the end.

*peers up at massive unending ranty analysis post* ...ah. Well then. that happened again. Ah well. Hope you had fun reading my nonsense brain goop, kiddos.