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toonytoodles · 4 years ago

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Random fun fact time! Ft. OCs! (Repost because I added more/ edited a lot of stuff)

Avery -

- Sneezes like a kitten, and most of the time she accidentally uses her fire breathe when she sneezes, so watch out

- Sleeps on a rock

- Is made uncomfortable by actual dragons, it's just... too weird for her...

- Has a strange and inexplicable extreme fear of eels

- Reacts to fear by singing/humming/speaking very loudly, and also by running and screaming (basically, how markilpler acts when playing horror games? yeah that)

- At least once a week her dad has to help her brush through her hair, he says they should get it cut but she absolutely refuses

- Owns a few pairs of gloves- most of which look nearly identical. Some are for different days, some pairs are for bedtime, and some are for special occasions, but she also has some different types and styles of gloves for different events

- Loves the holidays, dislikes the weather that comes with it

- Absolutely hates people touching/messing with her tail, even if it's by accident she gets kinda mad. That's hers- don't touch it. (Emma's the only exception to this simply because it can't be avoided- although Emma does try to touch it as little as possible)

- Slightly allergic to pollen

- She has a clicking-like purr

- If you scratch under her chin she'll purr and relax, but if scratch a certain spot on her neck she'll sleepily fall over

- Adopted as an egg and raised by her human father and fairy mother

- Has a Scottish accent

- Works as a Glazier (glass blower) and makes potion bottles, also helps with making the potions, and occasionally costumer service and boring stuff like stocking/inventory

Emma -

- Plays with hoodie strings and/or hair when upset or nervous (it happens often, her hoodie strings are sorta worn out)

- She's a big fan of animals! Especially bears, puppies, and unicorns, she thinks they're adorable! When she was younger she used to like dragons quite a bit too

- She's a protective friend and big sister, and she's a little over protective over people she cares about

- Tends to read into things; if your tone or demeanor is slightly different she begins worrying that something's wrong or that she did something. She also tends to believe that no one actually wants to be her friend or wants to be nice to her, but that they're only being nice because they're afraid of her or pity her.

- LOVES HUGS!!! Absolutely loves them, hugging other giants, hugging people smaller than her, getting hugs, giving hugs, she loves hugs

- Once accidentally ate a fake candy cane decoration, off someone's front lawn, because she thought it was real gigantic candy, left out for giants (she was like four, so it made sense to her then, but she still gets made fun for it a bit by her family)

- Loves snow and winter

- Her favorite color is probably blue

- Is surprisingly good at sneaking up on people, for someone 30ft tall she's quiter than most borrowers

- Is the second oldest of five kids, her older brother Rory is 23, her younger brother Richard is 15, and her youngest sisters Aroura and Tiana are 6 and 8, and they're all pretty close

- Her dad is a size shifter, and so are Richard and Tiana, the rest of the family are giants

- She's ambidextrous

- Very cautious of her surroundings

- Hates surprises/being scared

- Bi-romantic and ace

Sofia -

- Can write without looking at what she's doing

- Only wears slip on shoes or shoes with Velcro/zippers, she never learned how to tie them, she couldn't figure out what to do with her head or look at what she was doing

- She's an artist! She likes to paint!

- Has a hard time saying "no," so when she says it, she means it

- Hates surprises and people sneaking up on her

- Has a pet python named Albert

- Probably the only person on the planet who has worse anxiety than Emma

- Don't call her "Soph" or "Sophie," and she gets mildly annoyed when her name is misspelled

- Typically uses right arm to carry head and left hand for everything else

- Has a weird sense of humor

- Has a million stuffed animals, has like 20 on her bed, but Rupert the blue bunny is her favorite

- She has an enchanted scarf that allows her to wear her head when needed, she doesn't usually use it because she's not used to it & it gives her anxiety (she's scared of the scarf falling off/being taken off unexpectedly) but she has it and uses it on occasion, mostly at home

- She doesn't let anyone else hold her head, it seriously freaks her out, her dad is the only exception, but Avery held her once for a group photo (her body took the picture)

-She loves singing and has a soft beautiful voice but is too shy to sing around anyone 🎶

- She was bullied when she was younger and doesn't like to talk about it, she already gets emotional easily and those memories hurt

- She loves Avery's jokes and has a bit of a weird sense of humor

- She's adopted, she lives with her human father (another fun fact, her dad is one of Avery's parents best friends!)

- Unlike Avery, she wasn't adopted as a baby, she was about 6-7ish when she was adopted

- Loves vegetables

- Gets embarrassed easily

- Doesn't go out of her comfort zone, she only does stuff when Avery basically forces her to

- She really likes Emma, but is also sorta scared of her sometimes, she's just scared of people and being looked at, so she can be a little overwhelming without meaning to be, it's nothing personal and she knows Emma wouldn't hurt a fly, she's just scared of people and sometimes Emma is a lot of person

- Doesn't want Emma to hold her (Emma respects it, although sometimes they work it out to where Emma can give her a gentle hug)

-Her favorite season is fall

-She loves rabbits and frogs, but won't admit she loves horses (there's a stereotype that all dullahans love horses, she won't give in)

-Hates confrontation

-Loves vanilla cake

-Hates strangers and people she's not comfortable around being anywhere near her

- Pansexual

- Sorta has a voice claim, but it's weird and sorta difficult to explain?

Andie -

- Has a French accent (picked it up from dad)

- One of my only OCs to have a voice claim

- Plays the flute

- Mean, selfish, and self centered, but somehow also a good person

- Sings sentences sometimes

- Scared of turtles

- Works as a bard/waitress at the family tavern

- Unfortunately she is heterosexual

Andy -

- Somehow didn't pick up their fathers accent

- One of my only OCs to have a voice claim

- Plates the lute

- Genuine and kind hearted, but also a bumbling moron

- Dreams of being a song writer, wants to be a professional musician

- Works as a bard/waiter at the family tavern

- Bi, but prefers women

Clementine -

- A book worm

- Likes to sing

- Practices magic, knows a few interesting spells

- Sometimes her and Avery fight over magic usage vs. potion usage (they know it's a dumb fight, but they don't care, at this point it's a joke)

- She's a white tailed deer

- She has great hearing, and is usually very aware of her surroundings

- She wants to be a magic professor as an adult

- Demisexual, pan, but prefers men

Pond-

- Elementals don't really have gender, she chooses to present as female and use female pronouns

- Can't "see," but rather senses vibrations, since she's made out of water she doesn't have eyes, but based on other senses she can get around just fine

- She can't smell either

- Doesn't care for romance

- Has 4 pet fish she keeps with her, named Karl, Frank, Phillip, and Fish

- She has a baby sister, Brook

- She's odd and can be off putting unless you know her pretty well, then her weirdness is sort of endearing

- She can tell her friends apart by the way they walk and their gestures, and of course their voices, but really has no idea what any of them look like, she knows their species and the normal traits of those species, but not much outside that

- She doesn't eat or drink

- Smart, but sorta reckless

- Sorta hard to hug :( but the others still try

Sapphire -

- Has minimal size shifting abilities, but prefers to be her true size, she loves sitting on her husband's shoulders or in his pockets (She's about 5ft in her bigger form)

- Used to be an adventurer, at one point she was a pirate

- Met her husband on one of her adventures

- Has a Scottish accent

- She has a sword her size (no it's not a toothpick or a toy or anything, she has an actual tiny sword) 🗡

- Makes potions for the shop and deals with customers

- Grew up outside of Tradeskeep, her and Kal retired from their adventuring career and settled down there

Kalvin -

- Used to be an adventurer/ mercenary

- Huge, ripped, has all kinds of scars, but his 4" tall wife is scarier than he his, he's basically a teddy bear

- Makes potions, does restocking, inventory, and doesn't as much anymore, but makes potion bottles

- Has scars/tattoos from various adventures

- Used to have dragon scale armor, he once saved a village from a dragon, but has sold it and no longer tells the story, he now claims it was a bear

- He's a great dad ❤

- Loves ale & meat, but not as much as his girls

- I cannot overstate how much he loves his family, he LOVES his wife and daughter, like a LOT, it pretty much defines who he is, he's a family man

- Met his wife while on a quest

- He used to be a nomad while adventuring and getting paid for jobs, he'd wander from town to town, until he settled at Tradeskeep and put up a shop

Ok so i know that's a lot, but it's there for anyone who's interested in all that ❤ I have other facts too, so if you wanna know any more just look around on my blog or send an ask, Q&A for OCs are open, and I'm open to art/writing requests/ideas! ❤

#toonytoodlesocs #avery trowbridge #amelia mcconnel #sofia hodges #clementine moores #pond the elemental #sapphire and kalvin #andie & andy

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sweet-hydrangea-tea · 4 years ago

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(The one’s with the white and transparent backgrounds are the new ones, the older ones are for the extra info and stuff)

I WON’T DRAW HER HAT

I WON’T DRAW IT CAUSE IT’S A PAIN TO DRAW AND SHE DOESN’T LIKE THINGS ON HER HEAD

HATS UNCOMFY-

all jokes aside yeah this is greatly rushed

bit it’s fine, you can tell it’s her right?

for those wondering about her hat it’s just the standard General hat, no extra markings just a green version of the Jambandran symbol.

~info~ (most of this may or may not be copy and pasted from past refs/posts, I’m just being lazy)

She’s very adventurous, often exploring new places and easily getting distracted from the true propose of why she’s here in the first place, which means she gets lost easily. Her head is often in the clouds when she’s not doing anything which causes her to sometimes trip over things if she’s walking around without her eyes focusing on the world around her. The most common place to find her would either be in some kind of Forest, a garden or probably just in the middle of a field where she’s just wandering around.

Her hair changes colors depending on the seasons, fading from color to color has each season approaches. In the winter chances she won’t be at her house, most likely she’s in at her secret hideout, a large tree with a door, there will often be a sign saying “Do not disturb, I’m sleeping.” which means she’s in a state of hibernation, but don’t worry she’s ok! Her body just slowed down a ton and she’ll probably look a little chubby, chances are she would of stuffed herself with all kinds of food the season before, if you watch long enough, a certain dragon may appear at her door. Other than winter she usually doesn’t sleep much at all, bedtime doesn’t exist in her world and she gets most of her rest from fall and winter.

Sylvia is dead, she's only alive due to her being given magic, so it's pretty much her life support.

She's from a different dimension with her own adopted sisters and Hyness. She's a very distracted mage, her attention span is that of a bored cat, and others describe her head as very airy, basically she's an airhead.

Her body creates magic, meaning if her body is all ready at top capacity she'll be in pain, she can get rid of the magic by using it in spells or just letting it out in a magical aura, the aura is faster but anyone else with magic will know where she is. Magic is displayed as MP (Magic Points) and it usually doesn't drain to fast, when nearly out her body will sorta just, stop working and she'll go unconscious, and will "black out", (see Hyness' boss fight phase 2) her body will go stiff and she won't be able to move or anything, she'll be fine as long as she's in a secure location and is given time to regenerate magic, crystals may surround her if harmed as a defense.

Sylvia can't handle cold weather, like she can't deal with it at all, if her body temperature goes low enough she's going to die again, even if she isn't 100% out of magic/unable to produce it. If inside and it's still chilly she'll just collect a bunch of heavy blankets, wear warm, comfy clothing and just, hibernate. She'll be fine! Just asleep, she'll slow down quite a bit and just rest herself for the whole season, when this first happened everyone thought she was dead/in some kind of coma till she woke up and was very confused on why everyone was screaming "IT'S A ZOMBIE!"

Despite her weapon of choice, she isn’t very patient, and therefore doesn’t stay still, she likes to attack head on! Slashing her katana at her foe without warning, when she does have to attack from afar, she has a handy crossbow she can shoot her katana from, she unfortunately has terrible aim and often misses her target.

Sylvia doesn't understand most things, she originally grew up in a small village surrounded by nothing but forest before anything else, there was no technology and quite a few of their traditions still stand with her even after all this time, like the celebration of a plants birthday! She wishes Whispy Woods a happy birthday every year and he really appreciates it, they get along well.

Sylvia has an unfortunate case of acrophobia, the fear of heights, this is due to falling over 50 feet from a tall tree, and as a result a branch coming down with her, soon crushing her and eventually ending her life. Though she was saved and is technically alive, yet dead, she’s lost all will/ability to climb, her villages people were very good at it and there for she was to, sometimes her abilities will come back to her in dire situations, but then she can’t get back down.

Falling, even from a low place can easily stun her, she just won't move and sorta just, break down crying, and start saying things she might of said during/after the fall in between her sobs.

She plays the marimba/xylophone, she can also play the kimbala, piano, and fiddle. Usually you'll hear her humming, and sometimes when her mind sorta goes blank she'll hear the background music.

She's very cuddly, which is great if you need a hug. She's not the best to talk to cause again, not a very good attention span, but if you just need a hug she's there for you.

Sylvia is lactose intolerant, dairy products are off the list unless she wants to face the wrath of the dairy gods, she tries to substitute anything dairy with soy milk if milk is required, even if it doesn’t taste very good. Her friends are aware of this and try to bring dairy free dishes to parties/events she’s invited to. She’ll sometimes sneak in a bite of cheese or two, oops.

"Tee hee" is her official catchphrase, it's terrifying, cause think of it like this: You're in the woods alone, when you suddenly hear "Tee hee" behind you, turn and see nothing. When you turn back again you see Sylvia, with her katana in your face about to murder you for stepping on the flowers in her garden.

She took up a job as a florist, she quite likes it, and is excellent at flower arrangements and knows flower language like the back of her hand! She's the #1 recommended florist in all of Dreamland and pretty much makes all the flower arrangements for small parties, weddings, baby showers etc.

Kasia is her best friend, a dragon from unknown worlds, and a master of the forests. She’s a little like Sylvia’s protector, always watching out for her, as a thank you for raising her since she was an egg. The glowing blue orb she possesses is full of an unknown power, able to tear small rifts in the time space continuum in order to rid of her foes or travel to new places.

She for some reason, really likes small rodents, like rats, mice, hamsters, etc.

A forest dweller from a different timeline, a different dimension, that’s Sylvia.

#🌲forest dweller from another dimension🌲:#Sylvia #Kirby #kirby oc #Jae’s cool art #Jae’s Kirby dump #Jae’s epic OCs

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rosesnink · 6 years ago

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Interview to Hayley Parker and Ernest Sinclaire (Modern!AU) [D&DAW]

Hello my fellow friends!

Today is the last day of D&DAU and it's sad but don't be blue,babies! Because I have one final plate prepared for y'all!

I had the chance to collaborate with the fellow host @mrsbriarmarlcaster aka Ana, who made an interview to my characters from my D&DAU fanfic The Detective and The Buissnessman,Hayley Parker and Ernest Sinclaire! I know the saga is barely begining because of my slow updates,but to make it less stressing for every 7 years I update a chapter,we brought you an interview with these married lovebirds!

Let this interview commence with out interviewer... Ana!

[Ana enters the room greeting with a grin the guests as the couple awaits her and they greet her as they take a seat]

Ana: What are some annoying habits of other couples that irritate you the most?

Ernest: Of other couples? More like what habits. I'd say when they treat their partners poorly,like mere dogs. ‘Control your girlfriend’ or ‘don't wear that skirt /suit’ ‘you're looking like a slut like that’ that's not a way to treat your partner. A relationship should be based in support,trust and respect. Telling them how to behave,dress or talk is not good,you're treating your partner like an animal or a trophy to presume and we're talking about people,humans. If you treat your partner like that,are you really in love with that person? Or you just want to own him or her?

Hayley: *mumbles* you're so sexy when you talk like that,jesus. Ahem. It annoys me when they are controlling over the other. I mean,what the fuck? Giving your partner all your passwords? Telling them constantly where are you and with who? Are you dating a person or your dad? It's disgusting. I would never do that with Ernest. He's an adult and deserving of privacy as I am.

Ernest: Of course,my dear. I know that you can most certainly defend yourself from the other people *peck her in the lips*

Ana: If you could ask each other anything and they HAVE to answer truthfully, what would it be?

Hayley: *looks at Ernest thoughtfully* Good question indeed.

Ana: Oh God, now I'm scared *laughs nervously*

Ernest: I'd ask her if she ever regretted do something with me before we started dating

Ana: oof... *looks at Hayley expectantly*

Hayley: *bites her lip* well... I did and then I did not. It's complicated. I felt so alive when I kissed you for the first time, but I also knew I was betraying my vow to never get too attached and always leave. When I realized I loved you, I decided to go for it,to let you break my heart if necessary. As for what I'd ask Ernest is if he misses his old life truly

Ernest: I mean... I had an stable girlfriend,a state to take care and a court where I was kind of wanted, but that life felt to simple and empty... But then I met you and even if things fell apart,I never felt so alive or whole. I love the perfect mess we have,how I can also learn from the bad things. Now I am a brave, new and more confident man who haves the life that I always desired with true goals. Even if it hurts to live this new life, I still want it. I'd leave the simple behind to live this life all over again, because at the end of the day you're by my side.

Ana: You two are literally the cutest! *grins softly*

Ana: Do you remember the first thing you said to one another?

Ernest: Humm,as a sentence,I told her that I was hoping to meet her personally because I heard a lot about her and her lifestyle in Madrid and I was eager to hear about the endeavours of the famous Spanish city.

Hayley: I told him he was pretty hot.

Ana: *laughs* Oh God,why I'm not surprised?

Ernest: *chuckles* that's subjective but I guess you're also quite––

Hayley: Ernest,just say that you also find me hot *rolls eyes with a smirk*

Ana: You two are real dorks

Ernest: Ahem,moving to the next question,please

4. Ernest, how do you feel about the dangers and risks involved in Hayley’s job? Hayley, is there something you dislike about Ernest’s job?

Ernest: I know Hayley is perfectly capable and trained for this and I trust her gut,but I do feel anxious and frightened that she will never come back home one day,that's why every time she haves a day free I make the most of the day with her *squeezes Hayley's hand*

Ana: You're such a brave and devoted husband *sobs*

Hayley: *smiles fondly at him and kisses his cheek* You're so corny. And about the job,I have 0 complains. I mean,he works by helping the ones who cannot help themselves and fights against human trafficking and poverty as he can,alas our jobs sometimes cross paths. He knows when a woman or a teenager is in trouble and I like it because we understand each other's job better

Ana: I stan two powerful people

Ernest: I wouldn't call myself powerful... More like influential. I'm doing what other people would've

Ana: What is the best “relationship advice” someone has ever given you? Would you ever pass that advice on to your friends / children?

Ernest: My mother told me once that when you deal with an illness of your partner,you shall never focus on cure them,but give them love,support and respect their times.

Hayley: A good advice indeed. His support helped me to get through the losses at my job and when my mother died. As for an advice my father told me,it was that before loving someone else,you should at least respect yourself. And that self love have helped me to build this relationship and marriage with Ernest, so yeah,i'd pass it through everyone I can *they both take the other's hands and gaze on each other*

Ana: *mutters* I'm so lonely...

Ana: You’re both each other’s lover but are you also each other’s best friend?

Hayley: Absolutely! We talk about everything! And if we have a secret,we don't pressure on each other. Our trust is 100%

Ernest: I did told you on our wedding that you're my best friend besides Bart. I can tell her that I killed the Queen and she'll help me to hide the body.

Ana: You're so goals and powerful...

Ernest: You're too kind

Hayley: *pushes him lightly* and you are too humble! Let her flatter you as you deserve!

Ana: What are your biggest fears about your relationship?

Ernest: *gazes down the floor and bites his lip* Not being a match for her and she'll find another better than me

Ana: Oh no! Don't say that!

Hayley: Ernest... *hugs him tight* no one will ever match you. You're the man of my dreams. I will never leave you. I rather die first. And as for my fear,I *swallows hard* i'm scared for not being the wife you need. I'm always hunting down criminals and following them everywhere and–– i'm scared that you'll get tired of me *rests her head on the crook of his neck*

Ernest: Hayley,you're the best wife I ever seen. You're perfectly imperfect. I like everything of you. I love you as you are. Even if that means hiding behind the sofa when your chocolate dissapears and you have a knife in hand *he teases*

Ana: someone bring me tissues,I think I'm going to cry...

Hayley: *chuckles and punches him teasingly on the shoulder* idiot

Ana: The words that best summarise the goals of your relationship are...

Ernest: Trust,passion and unconditional support

Hayley: Partnership,complicity and trust

Ana: Do you have any nicknames for each other?

Hayley: Ernest sometimes in bed calls me Hayls *grins mischievously*

Ana: Uuh,I like it

Ernest: *blushes* Well,she calls me mon amour or honey

Ana: Aww,so cute! I knew you were a softie!

Hayley: *chuckles* only my best side for my best man *pecks his cheek with her index and middle finger*

Ana: Think of one other person that you love, could be a friend or another family member, how is your significant other different from them?

Ernest: The other person I love is Bart. He's like a brother and ally to me. He's been there since childhood and gave me the love and support when I felt like drowning. I cannot live without that walking mess. Alas,he's my right-hand on my job.

Hayley: Briar is my sister,my best friend,my fiercest ally and my biggest support after Ernest. She saved me and I saved her. We're bound by love,support and we're on the other's debt. Without her,I'd be dead. Or worse. I cannot live either without her. I couldn't face a life without her.

Ana: It is true that she did saved your ass and Bart helped you through your feelings for Hayley. Aaah,what a gem of people

Ernest: They're indeed. Even if both had threatened me to kill me if I didn't made at least one move

Hayley: Now you're talking about my Briar *grins proudly*

Ana: When did you realise you had romantic feelings for one another?

Ernest: *puts a hand on his chin thoughtfully* hmm,that's a good one. I think it was when I attended a concert of Katy Perry,dancing with her. I had her in my arms and I looked at her and I just knew it.

Hayley: *smiles happily* It was when I kissed him on the cheek for the first time. It was a year after meeting and I was feeling angry and sad because my boyfriend in those times cheated on me and I was still hurt. He told me an experience of his own and told me that he wished that he were half the strong I am in my weakest times. I smiled and next thing I remember,I was kissing his cheek. He asked me ‘for what was that for?’ an I answered ‘for being you’ I started falling for him like you fall for a book. At first it attracts you and then,you look at it and you know your souls cannot be parted.

Ana: You two are the cutest,stop!

Ernest: *blushes and kisses her cheek,embracing her* I love it when your soft side comes out.

Ana: What would you consider a perfect life together?

Hayley: Our life is already perfect! Catching the bad people,being badass,having the best husband and not depending on anyone's judgement and being my own woman with a man who loves me like that and he's his own man. I love it just as it is. With the good and bad things.

Ernest: I agree with you,my dear. I have my own job,a job I like,a wife that I love and she loves me,great friends and enough sources to live happily. What more I could ask for?

Ana: Literally the best life! Moving on...

Ana:Do you get jealous?

Ernest: Jealousy represents a toxic behaviour. It represents insecurity and controlling behaviour and a disrespect towards your partner's life and you violence their privacy. So,no,I trust 100% my Hayley despite my fears because I know her.

Hayley: 100% agree. Yeah,i get it,ny husband is influential and hot,alas he's very sweet and rich, but I trust him and I know he's loyal to me and I would never forbid him to live. We both have the right to have male and female friends, dance with another and have our own life outside our marriage. Afterall, he's my husband,not my owner. I am ny owner, I own myself and no one else.

Ernest: That's my wife *says with pride, kissing her lips softly*

Ana: Who said ‘I love you’ first?

Hayley: *laughs nervously* that was me. It was seconds before our first time together. It was in his house. It was raining and I was so nervous and angry because I got attached. I spitted him the words and then,next thing was that we were kissing urgently and––

Ernest: *blushes nervously and covers gently her mouth* ahem,that's not relevant. I said it the morning after,when I woke up next to her. I felt and I still feeling like the luckiest man alive.

Ana: My god,Hayley,you're such a scandal *laughs*

Hayley: *giggles* or maybe I am the luckiest woman alive.

Ana: Shit now I'm soft. *looks at her paper* oh no! This is the last question! *pouts*

Ernest: There's always another time

Ana: What was your first impression of one another?

Ernest: When I finally met her,I was really curious about her. Some said she was ruthless, sassy and cold,others said she was a whore. When I met her,she was stunning,cunning and wise,but also hurt and with lack of love and care. I thought then that she was out of my league.

Hayley: When I met him I thought he was smart,sexy and resolutive,and an incredible man.

Ernest: truly?

Hayley: yup *winks at him*

Ernest: *blushes* wow... That's a lot coming from you...

Ana: And now we have to say goodbye! It's so sad but I'm glad we had this chance to get to know you two better as person and couple! And you *points at the reader* if you're not reading The Detective and The Buissnessman,did you really lived? Check out on noeschoices's profile now! Here's the link! And for more Desire and Decorum Appreciation Week check out my profile and my lovely partners's profiles: @choicesregencygeek and @hellospunkiebrewster and see you on another post or in my profile @mrsbriarmarlcaster !

Links to the fanfic

#playchoices #desire and decorum #ddaw #d&dau #ernest x hayley #choices interview #the detective and the buissnessman #ernest sinclaire #hayley parker

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Just had to suffer my sister at her worst but also think she won't talk to me or you now so Janis: 👍🤞 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: Tah though baby 👍 Janis: 🖕 You have no idea dickhead Janis: owe me for how much she blames me 'cos of course Jimmy: we can plan our first date Jimmy: shout you drinks when it happens & work out how most to piss her off 'til then Janis: Decent Janis: have to make it last longer than a few days so she can eat shit/her words Janis: not the date, she ain't that demanding I hope Jimmy: 'ave til school starts, that should be long enough? Jimmy: what sorta dates are #goals for her & her mates Janis: Fine by me, probs a record for that lot honestly Janis: Eurgh, hold on Janis: lemme get into the headspace of a basic bitch Jimmy: & i can serve a record number of frappes to 'em in that time, less time all 'round when it ain't hols no more Jimmy: 👌😂 Jimmy: needs to be bearable for us too Janis: Wasn't betting on it with you for company, babe Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You love me now, remember Janis: Shh, the more you talk the harder this is Janis: I dunno, every cliche in the book probably, like can't actually just go down the pub, that is not a thotsquad approved #goal Jimmy: hang on, in my house we don't play charades or owt but I'll 'ave a go... 🖕 Jimmy: where did her last bae take your sister? Janis: How many syllables? Jimmy: as many as dickhead has Jimmy: flicks? then we don't have to talk Janis: Tap 'em out, come on Janis: it's two, just so you know Janis: Yeah, that'd work Janis: are you going to make me see something pretentious and artsy or what though Jimmy: you wouldn't like that, smart girl? Jimmy: gotta be a horror film, don't it? That's the cliche Janis: 'course, nothing like a heavy dose of fear to get a girl in the mood Janis: how could I forget Jimmy: food & drinks before or after? since you eat, unlike your sister Janis: After, means there was a chance we got off on the backrow 'fore tucking in to all the garlic or whatever posh food always has in it Jimmy: I can't be back too late though for real Janis: Alright Janis: post it after Janis: doubt our classmates are gonna be hanging 'bout any food place that ain't nandos or maccas so Jimmy: It's your turn on the 'gram, sweetheart Janis: Great 🙄 Jimmy: Fake more enthusiasm when you type out the #s Jimmy: if your sister's likely to be about I'll pick you up Jimmy: say when Janis: 'course Janis: when more's at stake than just your ego darling 😘 Janis: when do you need to be back for real Janis: it doesn't matter to me Jimmy: 9ish at latest Jimmy: but if anyone asks we were out 'til whenever Jimmy: my sister ain't gonna dob us in as liars Janis: Shit man, wha'd'ya do? Janis: 'course though Janis: mine happily would but she ain't that bright, and easily avoided so it's cool Jimmy: nowt like what you're thinking Janis: coulda gone with that Janis: actually sound impressive Jimmy: why? Jimmy: you getting bored of me already, Jessica? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: just saying, bit of inspiration wouldn't go amiss if you want this post to be 🔥 Janis: but don't worry, I'm a pro even if you're not bringing your A game Jimmy: if you need it when the bar's this low, we are doomed Jimmy: got weeks of this yet, girl Janis: shut up, misery Janis: just worried you can't keep up Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Jimmy: a well deep wound Janis: You want 'em to piss off or nah, boy Jimmy: save your nagging 'til you next visit me at work Jimmy: the audience will lap it up Janis: Yeah yeah, you just wanna fully appreciate in person don't lie Jimmy: rumbled 😍 Janis: Hm, know your type, mate Janis: probably tell me your shifts so I can drop in casual Janis: not dedicated enough to work it out like they have, soz Jimmy: [sends his work schedule] Jimmy: get in before I get sacked 🙄 Janis: are you only the best barista in looks then? 💔 Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: you tasted that smoothie Jimmy: but your sister's head bitch is here with her latest male victim Jimmy: I can only be so 😁 Janis: do the world, him and me a favour and poison hers, like 😒 Janis: your manager will understand Jimmy: Is she not immune to most? Jimmy: Looks like she's about to swallow this lad 🐍 Janis: 😷 Janis: Throw water at her, cool her down and she'll melt Jimmy: deal Janis: knew you had your uses Jimmy: she keeps looking at me Jimmy: waiting for my invite to sit down and join in Janis: probably Janis: or she's trying to turn you into stone, run away then, boy 🙄 Jimmy: if she can get anyone hard with one of them looks I despair at Leprechaun country more than I had done Janis: 😏 Janis: Actually funny, give you that Janis: she reckons Jimmy: Funny enough to come save me? Janis: Hmm Janis: How scared are you? Gotta let it get high enough, most hero points Jimmy: I'll let you know when she unhinges her jaw fully Janis: 👍 Janis: quite the party trick Jimmy: go on, I'll ramp up the 😍 Jimmy: make her think you're really irresistible Janis: Think? Janis: Bitch, she knows Jimmy: She fancies you? Jimmy: That explains a lot Janis: I don't know what her actual damage is Janis: would explain the over-the-top homophobia, like Jimmy: I'll show her what she's missing then Jimmy: work appropriate PDA Janis: 😍 when you put it like that Jimmy: gotta pay up Jimmy: like you said, I owe you for Grace Jimmy: how far do you want me to go? Janis: Oh 'scuse me whilst I take a moment to swoon Janis: 😂 Jimmy: Don't take too long if you don't want her to leave Jimmy: which I know you don't Jimmy: she's been chatting shit loudly about you, for my benefit, since she got here Janis: 😒 Glad to know she's as much a cunt behind my back as she is to my face Janis: true friend 💕 Janis: Reckon we can manage to show you're actually interested in ME and not just getting off with any bitch or too pie in the sky Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: Put your hair up so I can take it down that's the most cliche thing I can think of Janis: Sorted Janis: it's up anyway, had to go to the gym after that delightful convo with Gracie Jimmy: If you can keep your sick in your mouth & not over me, I'll remember your name, just for this Jimmy: Jennifer, right? Janis: I know you can read Janis: not that Northern Jimmy: Do you? Jimmy: I might be faking that too Janis: You running every message by your colleague first then? Janis: I should get off with him too, only fair Jimmy: wait til Mona's gone probably Jimmy: what do you wanna drink/eat? I'll pretend it's spontaneous 'cause I can read you so well 💕 Janis: She'd respect it, slutbag Janis: the others would defs not though so I'll be sly with it, don't worry Janis: Clearly a non-shit smoothie is our thing, babe 💕 Janis: and anything with protein, not fussy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Take some selfies with me, we'll work out who's gonna post what later Janis: Gotta give the fans what they want Jimmy: gotta give the #haters what they don't Janis: You know it Janis: by the time School rolls back 'round, you're gonna be so forgettable Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: No wishing 'bout it, boy Janis: I get shit done 💪 Jimmy: Don't make me like you Jimmy: Not what we're here for Janis: 🙄 Don't be soft Jimmy: Do your job & I won't be, will I? Jimmy: 😍 remember Janis: Yeah 😏 Do your best to look dead blue ball'd in these selfies Janis: what could be more #goals than a boy not instantly going off you when you don't spread 'em on first sight, appaz Janis: and our bar is low yeah Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: It's been a while, I can do that Janis: 🎻 Janis: Bollocks has it Jimmy: Hard to believe 'cause you want me so bad but actually has Janis: 🖕 Janis: if you have as many fans as you claiming, they ain't all so unbearable you ain't gone there Jimmy: yeah they are Janis: ⬆ standards, is it Jimmy: standards Jimmy: any Janis: Admirable Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Deadly serious Jimmy: nah you're not Janis: Giving you a few months 'fore you're one of 'em Janis: that's all Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: back to being brutal now then Janis: You want saving from this whole town, that'd cost more than you'd be willing to give, boy Janis: get you eventually Jimmy: I'll be gone before that happens Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: I didn't wanna come here in the first place, I'm not making it my shamrock patch to die in Janis: Me either, mate Jimmy: You better shut up and get a move on before we find owt else we've got in common Janis: 'Less you want me to show up all sweaty and have it be known that's what you're into you'll calm the fuck down and lemme finish Jimmy: If I cared that much what people thought I was into have dressed you before you first showed up here Janis: Cunt Janis: if I wanted unwarranted fashion advice, I'd have stayed home and alked to my sister some more Jimmy: Can't seduce a girl without a leather jacket, by your own reckoning Jimmy: So you're wrong or I don't care, do I? Janis: I'm right, you just like complaining Janis: it ain't like you've been catfished here Jimmy: you've been whinging since you got in my inbox, Jolene Janis: You're the one who's shit scared of falling so you keep 🤐 anything else Jimmy: You don't know me Jimmy: guess again Janis: I'm good Janis: only need to know the fake you tso this isn't a waste of time Jimmy: 💔 Janis: but give me the basic rundown over dinner, yeah Janis: just in case anyone asks when your birthday is or some shit Jimmy: chatting something useful? Who are you? Jimmy: Top one, Julie Janis: Funny Janis: I'll be fucking fuming if it's soon, I ain't getting you anything Jimmy: We'll be over before then Jimmy: When's yours? Janis: 13th October, so same Jimmy: Gutted I can't make Grace share with me as well Janis: 😒 Don't even Janis: basically have to leave the country to get away, no joke how serious she takes it Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎸🎺🎻 Jimmy: you get the whole orchestra for that one, baby Janis: I'll let her know you want the joint party, see how musical you feeling then Jimmy: I've already told you, you ain't breaking my heart Jimmy: do your worst Janis: hour 3 of picking out fucking Janis: napkin colours Janis: and she will Jimmy: nah don't have to listen Jimmy: she don't want any real input Janis: i know you've heard how loud she is Janis: there's no option Jimmy: bollocks Janis: I'm telling you, take my place Jimmy: I'm telling you, customer service has trained me Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: Have fun Janis: Imma do one with your fit workmate ✌ Jimmy: You'd have to find one first Janis: Easy Jimmy: if that's your type, sweetheart Janis: Not an amateur like the bitches who concern themselves with you, I've scoped the joint once, I'm good to go Janis: Don't be jealous, you asked for this Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: It's pity not jealousy Jimmy: if you think any of 'em are fit you need your eyes checked at least and at worst, like....scrapping Janis: I didn't know you'd ranked 'em all outta 10 already, my bad Janis: if you got claims, just say, girl code Jimmy: what the fuck is girl code? Janis: Fucked if I know but unsurprised I'm apparently in violation 'cos Gracie ain't getting exactly what she wants 🤷 Janis: ask if you can get a word in Jimmy: tah, mate Janis: I know, she's scary Janis: save your streetcred and keep it hush Jimmy: what street cred? I'm dating you Janis: Actually do one Jimmy: you don't feel no different about me Jimmy: we ain't pretending here Janis: I've had enough of it for one day though so you'll have to have a go tomorrow, like Jimmy: alright, white flag Jimmy: relax, Janis Janis: Whatever, yeah Janis: omw Jimmy: I'll get the smoothie ready so you don't have to wait Jimmy: it's the little things that are #goals yeah? Janis: 💕 Janis: so sweet Jimmy: save it Jimmy: we've got a show to put on Jimmy: Myrtle's really stepped hers up, on the hate & the love Janis: Least she's coming up for air Janis: What's she saying then? Jimmy: not worth repeating when we can just shut it down Janis: I just feel sorry for the lad Janis: his idea of a hot date probably isn't a bitching sesh Jimmy: he looks like he's enjoying himself Janis: 😷 the casualties of the job they didn't warn you about, yeah Jimmy: if you want any food you're braver than me Janis: Given but Janis: ew Jimmy: don't be a dickhead after the white flag's gone up Janis: awh babes Janis: don't you wanna play dirty? Jimmy: like I said, save it, babes Janis: 😏 fine Janis: dry Jimmy: I get it, you want me Jimmy: you can regret that it's fake later Janis: Yeah, be one for the deathbed, that 🙄 Jimmy: I'll bring the orchestra in Janis: you'll be long gone Janis: 💔 can kill, you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: alright, Juliet, steady on Janis: 🥊 ain't pulling no Janis: you shoulda done more research, boyo Jimmy: Minerva's meant to be drinking the poison not you, love Jimmy: & absolutely not me Janis: ahh so it's true Janis: you DO pull that stunt on all the girls 😏 amateur Jimmy: call me an amateur after if you still think so Janis: happily Jimmy: Love you too, baby Janis: 🤢 Janis: blow your load that quick we're in real trouble Jimmy: what are you wearing today? Jimmy: 'cause unless you've got the leathers out Janis: 😂 kicking it old school sex hotline okay Janis: gym things, obviously Janis: men, never listen 😏 Jimmy: we're in no danger then Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: rude when i'm blowing off the gym juice boy for you Jimmy: if you want to bring him to CG to dangle in front of your enemy, go on Janis: Poor boy Janis: she has enough playthings without my help Jimmy: they'll both be gutted Jimmy: learn to share, Joni Janis: fuck off Janis: had a lifetime as is Jimmy: I ain't an only child Jimmy: you don't get no violin Janis: how many you got, 1, 2 Janis: and you ain't twins with the most annoying bitch in ireland, possibly the world Jimmy: take it up with your Irish catholic parents or whatever Jimmy: probably the pope Janis: how irish catholic do i look boy Jimmy: your ma looks it Jimmy: that'll do Janis: send her to the fucking laundries and bury us all in the mass grave Janis: good luck n all da Jimmy: cheery today you Janis: ain't my fault fallen women don't get you going Janis: what's wrong with you man Jimmy: if that's your #goal we are proper doomed Jimmy: couldn't be more turned off if I tried Janis: tell you ain't catholic Janis: love to hate the sin hatefuck the sinner baby, that's how we're rolling Jimmy: I'm not C of E never mind that Jimmy: there's no god under my roof, girl Jimmy: never been Janis: Lucky you Janis: we're not all #blessed Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: my dad will love to hear that we are, tah Janis: welcome Janis: way too soon to attempt impressing parents but clearly that overachiever Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: bring that enthusiasm to my counter, babe Janis: hot Jimmy: like you said, bar's low Janis: low enough you reckon i'm hopping my arse up on it for you, apparently Jimmy: why not? Janis: depends Janis: is it a challenge Jimmy: You gonna accept it if it is? Janis: Obviously Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: Go on then, thrill me, Justine Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Janis: Easy for you to chat back now too Jimmy: I'll pretend to like it, difficult as that'll be Jimmy: So doesn't matter Janis: you need me, remember that Jimmy: I've not forgotten Jimmy: don't need to kiss your arse before you get here though Janis: no one's asking you to go that far, tah Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: well you never answered how far you DO want me to Janis: Don't be stupid Jimmy: Not #goals if you slap me in front of Mia, is it? Janis: Not for you anyway Jimmy: Draw me the line Jimmy: I won't cross it Jimmy: Not hard Janis: You're not thick, no sense doing anything more than what's appropriate for the audience, like Janis: why do I have to spell it out Jimmy: 'Cause you hate her Jimmy: So how much do you? Janis: How much do I hate her? Janis: That's a question and then some, like Jimmy: I can make it as hot and her as jealous as you want Jimmy: Like you said, not thick Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: Do the same for me if I ask Jimmy: & yeah Janis: Alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'm here Janis: be hot Jimmy: 🔥🎆🚒 Janis: Oh my God, you actual loser 😏 Jimmy: don't call me a loser when I'm about to help you win Janis: okay okay, teamwork, yeah? Jimmy: I've been putting in work you ain't even asked for being 😍 at my phone this whole time so she knows its you Jimmy: pull your weight, dickhead Janis: admire the dedication Jimmy: match it then Janis: oi 💪 always Jimmy: 🥇 yeah? Janis: Too right Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [After] Janis: Is your phone blowing up too or am I just the un🍀 one? Jimmy: my co-workers are Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: you could be in with some of 'em now for real Janis: Good stuff, secondary goal achieved too Janis: Go us Jimmy: Mia's not gonna put us on blast like a new wave gossip girl, is she? Jimmy: Do without my sister seeing any of that Janis: I don't reckon she would, she shouldn't seem as invested as she is, not cool Janis: she's just shown her little mates, Grace included Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: keep your win without me whinging then Janis: Just get her done for making material with minors in if she does, problem solved 🤷 Janis: not taking my 🥇 Jimmy: we gonna cool things off for not looking to keen or go all in with first date bollocks? Janis: I mean, probably occupy their tiny minds for a bit but leave it too long and I go back to looking #desperate so Janis: still up for going ahead whenever you are Jimmy: day or two? Jimmy: made me want you for a bit but not too long Janis: Cool Janis: I'd buy it Jimmy: more like two and you can act like I'm blowing your phone up Jimmy: tilt your screen 🙄 Janis: For sure Janis: hmu with those 'wyd' texts Jimmy: & impressive selfies Jimmy: you ain't the only one capable Janis: mhmm show me what i'm missing 😏 Jimmy: 🤤 Jimmy: you ran off so quick we didn't take any coupley ones #rookie mistake Jimmy: remind me next time Janis: you know, own personal photographer and hater in one with mia Janis: even if she ain't thinking of my angles Jimmy: she didn't get mine either Jimmy: 💔 Janis: honestly, talk about distracted on the job Jimmy: some people, mate Jimmy: have you looked though? did the job for us Jimmy: & livened up her story Janis: Welcome, if I had to see another generic selfie from her 🔫 Janis: Who knew I was so popular? Jimmy: Me, that's why we're 💕 Janis: All part of the masterplan Janis: I'll skillfully ignore these DM requests, like Jimmy: we've made our point Jimmy: slide into as many DMs as you like, darling Janis: 👍 tah Janis: least let you get a date in, kinda the point Jimmy: point is, you're not gay & I'm not interested in what Mia & co are offering Jimmy: but I won't deprive you of a date now, that'd be so snide Janis: 🙄 gracious Jimmy: we don't have to sit through a whole shit film, do we? Jimmy: as long as we check in & our audience know we're there Janis: you gotta be home by 9 anyway so Jimmy: Mia's not gonna like turn up in shades to watch us in the back row now she'd had a glimpse Jimmy: 'Cause I wanna just eat Janis: Got enough wank bank material keep her going Janis: let's just eat then, I don't care, never nothing good on anyway Jimmy: where's good grub wise? I ain't been nowhere yet Janis: I know places, I'll pick somewhere actually decent, not just #goals Janis: just don't tell my Dad Jimmy: 😍😍😍 tah bae Jimmy: what's your dad gonna do if I chat to him about decent food? Janis: chat how his is better and no one needs a first date at their own dad's restaurant Janis: never mind a fake one Jimmy: 💔 gutted Jimmy: I could've made a 🔥 first impression for you, girl Janis: 😂 gone to your head, lad Janis: don't need to impress him, or any of 'em Jimmy: could though Jimmy: multi talented Jimmy joined the chat 7 hours ago Janis: and the oscar goes to Janis: keep your talents away from my fam, tah Jimmy: Alright, Jackie, you've got a deal Janis: careful, make a habit of it Jimmy: gotta for as long as you need me Janis: 💕 Jimmy: then I'll bin school off & go hollywood 😎 Janis: See no flaws in the plan Janis: big enough town I can go too and blank ya or? Janis: any out, like Jimmy: I'm no expert but I'd guess yeah Janis: Did you just admit you don't know everything? Janis: Omg, definitely isn't you Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You're the one who tries to chat that you do Janis: I don't try, I just do, babe Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: We were having a moment plotting our new life & you had to be a dickhead Jimmy: ruin everything you Janis: You have to warn me when we're having moments Janis: I wasn't on, God Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Used it all up for Mia Janis: real love of my life, naturally 😒 Jimmy: You crush me, Josie Janis: I know, I know Janis: I did warn you Jimmy: Make it up to me by naming a decent pub Jimmy: I need somewhere to go after work Janis: Whelan's is a decent shout Jimmy: 👍 Janis: for your vibe Janis: lots of leather, lots of indie but the craic is actually decent and it ain't tourist hell so Jimmy: I'll let you know if you're right Jimmy: know you can't wait to find out Janis: Hanging on the phone, like 🖕 Jimmy: If I find any girls irresistible I'll keep it off the 'gram, don't worry Janis: 👍 Jimmy: this shift is dragging after Mia gate Jimmy: if I text her will she come back? Janis: You mean they're ripping the piss too hard Janis: Obviously she would but can you not Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've handled worse from you Janis: Brave boy Jimmy: Don't join in Jimmy: not an invite Janis: alright alright Janis: is the fit one invited whelan's with you or nah? i need to know if he's got enough bants or what Jimmy: weren't planning on inviting any of 'em soz to 💔 Janis: least i know he's free Jimmy: keep winning today Jimmy: you're welcome, babe Janis: You know Janis: couldn't have done it without you Jimmy: coulda asked your fave barista Jimmy: next time he'll be well ready to take you up on it Janis: not got a dealwith him, have i Jimmy: wouldn't be hard to make one Jimmy: you've got his attention & I can give you his details Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: What? Janis: Not fir hire Janis: I'm helping you out because you're helping me out, that's it Janis: it ain't that Jimmy: If you like him, get with him Janis: Maybe I will but don't concern yourself with the set-up Jimmy: I'm helping you out 'cause you helped me out, that's it Janis: Well don't Jimmy: Alright Janis: Have a good night 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [sends restaurant deets] Janis: shall I book this or not? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I'm working 'til 6 but I'll get ready here & come straight to get you Janis: K Janis: See you then then, just bring your selfie A game Jimmy: just get my good side Janis: 📸 or 👊? Jimmy: depends what mood you're in, Jill Jimmy: guess we'll find out Janis: depends on how much of a pain in my are you plan on being Jimmy: depends what kind of day I've had Jimmy: & how much of a dickhead you plan on being Janis: isn't that just my natural state of being Jimmy: when you're chatting yeah Janis: Backatcha Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: better at not Jimmy: but don't need to tell you that after earlier Janis: shame, really Jimmy: why? Janis: That we have to talk to make this thing believable Janis: trust, I'd rather just the other too Jimmy: I can piss off Jimmy: it's believable now Jimmy: don't have to keep chatting away Janis: You said you'd make me look good, and I so do not right now, so you can't get out of it yet Jimmy: I made you look great Jimmy: rewatch the story Jimmy: & what I'm chatting is, some couples barely do, so we don't have to Janis: other lads who want the same, i grant you but you miss all the comments calling me a slag or what Janis: obvs, i ain't trying to keep you Jimmy: I'll follow through, we've got a deal Jimmy: but you don't have to have me as your specialist subject on a quiz show Janis: piss off Janis: i ain't them or tryna be so don't play like i am Jimmy: Ask me what you need & then we don't have to talk for ages Jimmy: job done Janis: I have, where's the bit where I'm asking you 'bout the weather? Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Jesus Jimmy: he don't exist to me, remember? Jimmy: you gotta listen if you wanna keep this believable, girl Janis: not my specialist subject, babe Jimmy: 💔 Janis: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 Jimmy: lovely you are Jimmy: remind me to take you home to meet the parents ASAP Janis: yeah thank fuck it ain't real, right Jimmy: if it were I wouldn't offer Janis: if you're trying to put me off, I already know you're a dick Janis: it's not necessary Jimmy: trying to put them off Jimmy: one dinner with you & I wouldn't have to be at the next however many Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 💔 too bad that ain't part of the deal then Jimmy: could be? Jimmy: You agreed to go all in for me when I asked Jimmy: like I did for you with Mia Janis: Ha, you wanna live to regret it just name the time, mate Jimmy: I'll let you know when the next family dinner is Jimmy: My dad's due a new girlfriend about now Janis: I'll do my best not to seduce her Jimmy: Don't let me stop you Jimmy: 'ave your fun while you can, he don't keep 'em long Janis: Gutting, no doubt Jimmy: for who? Jimmy: don't reckon anyone's 💔 Janis: Yeah, I gathered Janis: well not really a sloppy seconds kinda girl but if there's no love lost and that's what you want, like Janis: done is done Jimmy: 💕 last great romantic you Janis: Let it be known Jimmy: hang on, I'll tweet it Janis: 😏 as far as subtweets go, I'm getting worse, babe Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Just saying, up your game, boy Jimmy: What you want me to do, tweet you a nude? Jimmy: Calm down, Jen Janis: I know even you ain't that cocky, no pun intended, new boy Jimmy: Nah? Janis: Nah, all chat Janis: like I said, sad, really 😥 Jimmy: Hold on, the lighting in here is shit Janis: 😂 #priorities Jimmy: [tweets it 'cos I'll never actually find one] Janis: as if you actually did that Jimmy: when I get snatched by a man with a van full of sweets, on your head Janis: 💔 i'll use that picture on the posters, like Jimmy: edit the lighting tah Jimmy: still shit Janis: you tryna be an insta model or what, mate Jimmy: could be Jimmy: you ain't paying me for my time, rich girl Janis: those skinny tea #ads will be coming in no time Jimmy: 💔 locked out of my account so I'll never know what my Juliet tweeted me back Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: not a nude back so you ain't missing anything good Jimmy: course of true love & all that Jimmy: still gutted Janis: I'll compile screenshots of the most blatant thirsty hoes, can go over 'em on our date Janis: don't say I never do nothing for you Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: making me fall hard for you, babe Janis: I know, gift and a curse, truly Jimmy: its the gym clothes Jimmy: could've warned me Janis: 😏 you never seen a bitch in a sports bra Jimmy: nah Jimmy: its too cold up north for owt like that Janis: 😂 running in all your layers Jimmy: spot on Janis: know it's grim but the sweat would be no joke Janis: dirrrrrty Jimmy: I ain't a runner & I don't know any Jimmy: take your word, mate Jimmy: kills me getting the dog out Janis: all them 🚬 Janis: not a stalker, 'fore you start Janis: tasted 'em second-hand, bit rude Jimmy: 💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: if you get cancer of the 👅 bill me for your medical Janis: 💕 true love Janis: resisted the urge to tell a rich bitch to pay for her own if she hates dying so much and everything, so proud Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: one make out sesh & I'm a changed man, baby #your influence Janis: so gonna quote that on twitter, really shame you now you ain't about to stop me 😈 Jimmy: 'ave at it Jimmy: gimme more warning next time & 🚭 for real though Janis: Better than teacher coffee breath, which is what I was mentally preparing for tbh Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: actually 💔 me now Janis: It's good Janis: you ain't as much of a filthy hipster as I reckoned Jimmy: On the level, Janet, I don't like coffee Jimmy: just need it sometimes 😫 Jimmy: kinda like you & I Janis: No judgment, boy Janis: all got our vices but at the price CG is selling, you'd be better off getting proper amphetamines Jimmy: staff discount is mint Jimmy: but tah for the concern Janis: that's me Janis: lovely Jimmy: had 'em as a kid anyway before I outgrew it Jimmy: nowt to shout 'bout Janis: Good to know you ain't that kinda #cringe Jimmy: what kind? Janis: the 'thinks getting off his face is a personality trait' kind Janis: do what you gotta but don't be tryna act like it should wow me, you know Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: my ex was a bit of that, in the end Janis: yeah, lots are, all fun and games 'til it ain't then it's like a constant fucking comedown or they can't hack it Jimmy: nothing close to fun & games up north, mate, only grim, remember? 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: anyway she's got a kid now so clean up or fuck up Janis: 😬 Oosh Janis: you're not a runaway baby daddy, are you Jimmy: nah Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: friend of her dad's, I think Janis: Nice Janis: not gross at all, sir Jimmy: Like I said, grim Janis: not any better here let's be real Janis: not all little gingers and pots of gold Jimmy: don't tell my dad he moved us here 🤞 Jimmy: and so I wouldn't gatecrash her wedding & offer to raise her kid but neither here nor there Janis: 🤐 Janis: gutting, i doubt her dad's mate is minted or hot Jimmy: he ain't Jimmy: he's 45, works in a factory, smokes more and gyms less than me Jimmy: but my dad is 'bout a year behind the times Jimmy: too late for my objections 💔 Janis: oh girl, no Janis: tragedy all 'round Jimmy: she's on my friend's list if you wanna give her the orchestra Janis: don't worry, entertained enough by my fans rn Janis: don't need to passive-aggressively ruin the poor bitch for the lols Jimmy: so sad to be missing out Janis: you're sorely missed, i promise you Janis: not by me, obvs but you know Jimmy: who by? Jimmy: can't fake it forever, can I? Jimmy: gotta get a real girl one day Janis: You can't wait 'til the date for the list I ALREADY promised yas? Jimmy: I told you this shift is dragging it's arse, Judith Janis: you got tinder downloaded? no doubt sly bitches are swarming already Jimmy: nah but probably should Jimmy: if its that or tell you more of my origin story Janis: I ain't asking, batman, chill out Jimmy: but I'm chatting Jimmy: fuck knows why I've said what I've already said Janis: don't matter, who am I telling? Jimmy: twitter for all I know Janis: nah Janis: give me some credit Janis: not funny, for starters, like Jimmy: story of my life Jimmy: there's a joke in there somewhere Janis: 🎻 Janis: they ain't ready for the inside joke that is Jimmy: I'm still not inviting any other dickheads but come for a drink tonight if you want Janis: Alright Janis: devvo all my besties ain't gona be there but you'll do Jimmy: you can bring whoever I'm just saying I ain't Janis: I'm good Janis: not dealing with the disappointment when he realizes it ain't a threesome with ya Jimmy: #my influence Janis: Truly, babe Janis: with bad lighting and all 🔥 Jimmy: I could've done better but you put me on the spot Janis: 😂 it's alright, couldn't see it, you don't have to hit me with performance excuses yet Jimmy: or ever Jimmy: you're faking it & telling me you are Jimmy: #goals Janis: so much easier Jimmy: so convincing earlier I'm wondering if my ex ever wanted to kiss me 💔🎻💔 Janis: leave it a few 'til you ring her asking Janis: least you can be/pretend to be pissed Jimmy: don't wanna know Janis: unless her type is exclusively really undesirable old blokes Janis: you're fine Jimmy: maybe it is & you're being catfished Jimmy: look like a teen, am in my 40s Janis: I mean, I'm good, I'll call the garda and get mad sympathy and compensation Janis: can't lose, baby Jimmy: stick with me, Janine Janis: why not Jimmy: you don't even have to kiss me tonight Jimmy: wins keep coming Janis: 🍀 Janis: born with it Jimmy: maybe its leprechauns Janis: 😂 Jimmy: if you're Irish why are you so tall? Jimmy: shatters my illusions Janis: Half Brazilian too, and quarter plain old English scum Jimmy: you're a smoothie of a girl Jimmy: lovely Janis: Steady on 😬 call me exotic and stick me on the menu whilst you're at it Jimmy: be better than what's on Jimmy: you taste better than you chat Janis: ha Janis: dread to think how we're representing english in a smoothie...like, blended fry-up or what? Jimmy: tea? Janis: You know I'm actually Scouse with it so maybe you just wanna chop me up and use my blood, like Janis: 😬 #awks Jimmy: Yeah? Jimmy: must be why we have such an affinity Janis: that what we're calling it? 😏 Jimmy: what do you wanna label it? Jimmy: fake chemistry? Janis: Famistry sounds ridiculous Janis: serious suggestions only please Jimmy: sounds like we're gonna do blood tests & tell people their family trees Janis: 💸 Janis: only if i can tell people they're adopted or their uncle is their dad Janis: spice things up Jimmy: only if I can make a smoothie to represent them at the end Janis: 🎨 #artiste Jimmy: fuck mia, if I text you will you come back Jimmy: bored Janis: really? you let me get home before deciding this? 🙄 Janis: and you've sent me/twitter the nude already, how mind-blowing is this text gonna be, like 😏 Jimmy: is that a challenge or a flat out nah Janis: When you working 'til, like 6? Jimmy: Yep Janis: if we're going pub after anyway, guess I could come that bit earlier, what's it matter, like Janis: go forth and text impress, boy Jimmy: walk me, you romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: real old school Janis: you want flowers so you can really make all the other lads jealous or what Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: with this hayfever? you're alright Janis: 😍 sexy Janis: can't hack a bit of pollen, love that for you Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: poor boy, stick to getting the pints in, yeah? Jimmy: it's my #excuse for the fans for why you ain't getting no 🎕 Jimmy: & yeah Janis: literally what are you meant to do with 'em anyway Janis: waste Jimmy: watch 'em die Jimmy: like the feelings you caught for the wrong bae Janis: deep 🚬 Jimmy: gonna be a twitter poet if I ever get my account back Janis: i can see it Janis: gonna have to chuck you before then Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: [okay but sends her a really hot sext cos challenge accepted from a moment ago but I can't write it cos I'm me, myself & I so imagine] Jimmy: Screenshot that for me 'til then Janis: 😳 Janis: You want me to get suspended for your filth too? Jimmy: censor it if you must Janis: you can't censor #art babe Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Done Jimmy: with me or my artistic flair? Janis: I screenshotted it Jimmy: I wasn't serious Jimmy: but join me on the ban list I guess Janis: I'll delete it Janis: I did some generous cropping anyway Jimmy: leave it Jimmy: don't wanna look like you regret your choices Jimmy: not #goals Janis: soz Jimmy: nah you're not Janis: i mean, again warn a bitch when it's a joke, yeah Jimmy: I sound good what do I care? Janis: exactly, nothing but favours Jimmy: for you too Jimmy: not gonna look desperate waiting on that date now, are you? Janis: you want a thank you or? Jimmy: I want a fucking drink but I'm too keen Jimmy: not time yet Janis: 'less you're buzzing for another smoothie Jimmy: tasted enough of yours tah Janis: no room to complain Janis: you made it, ash tray Jimmy: I wasn't Jimmy: calm down, rich girl, you're supposed to be nice to your servers now Janis: You reckon I ain't been nice enough to you for one day? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: If I say nah are you gonna be nicer or meaner? Janis: See how I'm feeling, I guess Janis: and how much of a dickhead you're being 😜 Jimmy: 💔 deep wounds Jimmy: you've got the wrong fake boyfriend 'cause I would obviously not act like that towards you, Judy Janis: 😏 my mistake Janis: jog my memory, which one are you then? Jimmy: northern prince charming 💕 Jimmy: gets banned from twitter for you, makes you personalised drinks, hates the same people you hate Janis: Ahh, him Jimmy: what do you drink anyway? feel like I should know even if this round's off the 'gram Janis: Have whatever you're having Janis: not tryna be that easy but I don't drink often enough to be arsed Janis: don't feel special, like Jimmy: Actually so romantic though 😍 Janis: 🖕 shh Jimmy: it's pints either lager, ales or snakebite/snakebite & black Jimmy: I'll let you pick 'cause I am too Janis: twitter feed been knew and blessed, babe Janis: go 🐍 Janis: seems fitting Jimmy: how did you guess I saved the best for last? Janis: The affinity, obviously Jimmy: don't feel special but you're less of a dickhead today Janis: This is like the second time you've spoke to me, judgy cunt 😂 Jimmy: I've had a month of silent judgement going Janis: Well, how can I not feel special now, eh Jimmy: on everyone not just you Jimmy: but yeah if I'd known all I had to do was stage an elaborate fake kiss to make you specifically less annoying then Janis: spoilsport Janis: 😑 Jimmy: I know 💔 Janis: Something like that Janis: twat Jimmy: What? Jimmy: I was giving you a real compliment Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: save it for the 'gram lover boy Jimmy: 😭 Janis: need a drink in you immediately Janis: soft cunt Jimmy: immediately after I get changed out of this uniform 💔 for you Janis: i ain't complaining Janis: EXACTLY what we mean when we say love a man in uniform, right ladies 😍 Jimmy: it gets you going, I felt it Jimmy: or you wanna admit to that just being me? 💕 Janis: nah Janis: 100% the apron and promise of the decent discount Jimmy: Knew it Janis: should be glad, like Jimmy: why? Janis: don't want me falling for you, nightmare Jimmy: better than your sister Jimmy: marginally Jimmy: or are you an entirely different girl when it's real 💘? Janis: fuck you fucking marginally, you can say no tah without associating me with her Janis: guess we'll never know Janis: 💔 tragedy Jimmy: not directly Jimmy: I'm sure I'll see it on the 'gram when you're doing this all for real Janis: knew it Janis: #stalkeebecomesthestalker Jimmy: it's my destiny Jimmy: obsessed with you, Juliet Janis: One fake kiss and it's a done deal Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: gift and curse Janis: will be more careful next time i fake date, tah for the experience, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Apparently they're having an emergency sleepover at ours tonight... Janis: my sister fully wants me dead, bye 😂 Jimmy: do you have somewhere else you can sleep or is it a one eye open job? Janis: I'll go to my Grandparents Janis: don't need to wake up to them in my face ready to sacrifice me or whatever nah Jimmy: We could say we're having our own emergency sleepover Jimmy: really put the nail in your coffin Janis: 😂 Janis: amazing Jimmy: what's more goals than sleeping with you and still taking you out to dinner, yeah? Jimmy: You're a really good lay, have a steak 😍 you know Janis: you've got a point Janis: beats a text back, like Jimmy: I often do, dickhead, catch up Jimmy: you can stay here if you think it'll get back to the oracle that you weren't Jimmy: here being my house not this 2nd home, don't sleep at the CG, I would be sacked Janis: 🖕 Firstly Janis: Secondly, probably for the best or we'll have start faking the noises and I don't trust them to not wanna go whole hog and watch Janis: the one with the bog eye gonna put me off Janis: soz hun Janis: lastly it's really fucked with my fantasy that you don't tbh, least keep the little hat on Jimmy: my room's a box, that gonna be a problem for you, rich girl? Janis: I'm an actual basement dweller, it's fine Jimmy: My dad is Jimmy: you'll get on like a house on 🔥 Janis: do my best to avoid him even if the walk of shame is fake, he's not gonna know that Jimmy: might fall for him, have a baby & get married Jimmy: happens more than you'd reckon Janis: 🤢 Janis: not my speed Janis: no offense old man Jimmy: for the best, I look nothing like him Jimmy: & I'm your type so Janis: Obviously Jimmy: I'll be in with my brother, knock on the wall if you need owt Jimmy: another fake kiss, a twitter ban, whatever Janis: 🙄 Clearly you don't me but I trust you to control yourself, you know Janis: don't need to exile yourself on my behalf, like Jimmy: If I don't it'll be three in a bed Jimmy: you don't want that Janis: Ah right, fair play Janis: thought the poor bastard might be like 12 or whatever and like piss off jim Jimmy: my sister is Jimmy: ignore her, she'll fuck you up 🥊 Janis: Noted 😏 Jimmy: could be gay & fall in love with you Jimmy: #awkward Janis: I'll calm down how hot I am Janis: apart from that, just a rabid dog too, yeah? Jimmy: It'd be a way to find out 'cause she's never said but probably best if you look as ugly as possible Jimmy: for all our sakes Jimmy: & its only a puppy, you'll survive Janis: Outing your sister is deffo not part of the deal, no Janis: I'm great with dogs Jimmy: Yeah? Take it with you Jimmy: None of us want it Janis: Awh don't be horrible Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: we don't Janis: um why'd you get it Jimmy: guilt gift for moving to a new country when its not even the start of the school year Jimmy: we weren't asked, I'd have voted for a better telly or summat Janis: ahh, the infinite wisdom of parents Janis: what you need is more pressure and responsibility at a time like that, for sure Jimmy: probably ask my sister if you're taking it & not her off into the sunset too Jimmy: she hates it least Janis: I would but we're not allowed dogs Janis: Mum's a mad cat lady Janis: probably just needs a bit of training, that's all, it'll be more bearable then Jimmy: 💔 gutted for myself more than you Janis: I'll show you how it's done Janis: My Grandparents have a dog and it was lowkey feral before I started Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: before or after you fake seduce me Janis: Hmm, it's hardly foreplay but the first thing I wanna do after a ride is not go to the park, like Janis: save it for another day, boy Janis: so keen Jimmy: busy night this Jimmy: all I'm thinking Janis: 😏 If you can't keep up say now baby Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 disappoint me later, fine Jimmy: fake disappointment won't hurt Janis: had worse Jimmy: me too Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: duet Janis: lovely Jimmy: this might be too much to ask but as far as my sister goes, we're dating for real, alright Jimmy: my brother too if he speaks to you but unlikely Janis: yeah, 'course, I get it Janis: they don't need to know and you don't want them too Janis: if mine knew any boundaries I'd be the same Jimmy: tah Jimmy: they should be asleep when we get back from the pub 🤞 Jimmy: but I know better Janis: 👍 Janis: capable of not being a dick when required, honest Jimmy: disappoint me later, fine 😂 Janis: cheek Janis: i can be a dick to you all i like Janis: not actual innocent children Jimmy: You can be a dick to my dad too, as much as you like Jimmy: I encourage it Janis: Good to know Janis: like you reckoned, doubt I'm a parent pleaser Jimmy: He won't be nice to you so don't be 💔 'bout not winning him 'round Janis: s'alright, even if you gotta tell your sister we're actually dating, not like I expect your Da to buy it Jimmy: it's 'cause he'll buy it that he won't Jimmy: He's the only one allowed to look for happiness in the arms of whoever Janis: I feel you Janis: and I'm offering neither, such a shame, coulda been such good mates Jimmy: gotta get this orchestra on wheels Jimmy: me arms are tired from the in & out Janis: 😒 stamina who Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: so worried 'bout my fake stamina Jimmy: I can go all night when I'm pretending, babe Janis: 😂 whatta claim Jimmy: how do you wanna out us to the world though? Jimmy: play coy like we were pretending we didn't but still got caught or be brazen about me fake rocking your world? Janis: I don't think coy is gonna look very real after all this Janis: not saying we need to announce it to the whole world but you know Jimmy: so pub pics & morning after? Jimmy: let them do the work Janis: Exactly Jimmy: walk this fucking dog with me Jimmy: if that ain't #goals it should be so I don't have to do it Janis: it's a puppy, bitches loves puppies Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: don't know if she'd fit in a handbag Janis: do I look like I'm bringing a handbag Jimmy: just saying fuck knows if she's #goals Jimmy: too late to swap her if she ain't Janis: send me a pic Janis: you must have one Jimmy: on my phone Jimmy: why? Jimmy: hang on, maybe if one of us is also in it Janis: 💔🐶 Jimmy: [sends a pic of Twix and Bobby 'cause it'd show how old he is & how that don't add up to his behavior as has been mentioned so Janis like hmmm] Janis: Adorable Janis: Can work with that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you want me to come in or meet you there Janis: just got into town Jimmy: meet me there, your fave barista's gone home already Janis: you don't even know which one I think is fit Janis: shameless Jimmy: Yeah I do Janis: if you say you I swear down Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: for real though Jimmy: its Pete Janis: Which one is that? I've not read all your nametags and you swap 'em anyways #bants Jimmy: not knowing names is my thing Jimmy: try again Janis: 😒 really Jimmy: Am I right or not? Jimmy: nowt hard about the question Janis: Why's it even matter Janis: shut up Jimmy: if it don't, answer it Jimmy: you're making it more of a thing Janis: you're the one banging on about it still Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: Fine, it's him Janis: not like that's a declaration of love Jimmy: you're not the only one who can screenshot Jimmy: can be if needs Janis: die literally Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: love you too Janis: 🖕 Janis: what was i meant to do whilst i was hanging around the other day, like Janis: rank the shitty drinks or what Jimmy: lust after pete was the only idea that landed 👌 Janis: actual idiot Jimmy: now I know I can be more like him, make things easier for you to fake Jimmy: actual idiot is top one Janis: remind me never to tell you anything ever again 😑 Jimmy: bit snide when you know loads bout me now but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: If you wanna know anything actual, just ask Janis: you coming out with bait questions like which barista is the least offensive on the eyes so Jimmy: whatever, I don't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Just be better at my angles than Mia Jimmy: 'cause I'm on route Janis: like it's hard Jimmy: after that 🥇 all times you Jimmy: I remember Janis: ain't offering a reminder, so good Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: don't change your mind when you see how I look #awks Janis: 🙄 Please Jimmy: #pete who Janis: 💀kill me now Jimmy: if you die now you can't go to heaven by calling me pete when we fake fuck? 🎻 hang on in there, baby Janis: Literally gonna leave if you don't shut it Jimmy: tragedy Jimmy: I'm not gonna keep you against your will, not what this is Janis: getting a round out of you first, you invited me Jimmy: you can uninvite me or yourself any time Janis: behave Jimmy: 💔 too late Janis: Come on Jimmy: I don't run, I told you Jimmy: going as fast as I can Janis: the real tragedy Jimmy: not gonna make me learn the violin for real but 👌 Janis: least you don't need lungs for it Janis: fucked if you were planning to take up the sax Jimmy: #savage Janis: true though Janis: deal with it, baby Jimmy: funnily enough my life aint destroyed by a lack of sax Jimmy: change a letter & maybe Janis: alright, dad Janis: such jokes Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: get what you pay for, rich girl Jimmy: this is my lowest tier banter like Janis: feel sorry for the poor bitches doing it just 'cos then Janis: fuck me Jimmy: start a # Jimmy: you love 'em Janis: obvs Janis: any cause Jimmy: raise enough, rehome my dog Janis: actually gonna have to call animal welfare ain't I Jimmy: yeah go on Janis: don't be heartless Janis: could get given to someone worse Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 💔 Jimmy: could get eaten by leprechauns Jimmy: cheer up, Jasmine Janis: say you love her, like Janis: go on Jimmy: why do you want me to lie to you? Jimmy: we at that stage already? Janis: yeah Janis: clearly Janis: make me feel so much better and really what's important here? Jimmy: I 💘🐶 Jimmy: screenshot it if you want Janis: Good enough Janis: and not gonna make a habit of it Jimmy: which bit, asking me to lie or taking screenshots? Janis: I meant the screenshots but I'll think about the lying Janis: Hmm Jimmy: I'm not really gonna dob you into Pete Janis: Duh, you've got nothing to say Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: but I don't wanna talk to him Jimmy: keep your sacred tools Janis: Me either Janis: shatter the illusion Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I know what you wanna do Janis: ew Janis: i said he was fit not that Jimmy: ⬆ standards, right Janis: fuck off Jimmy: alright Jimmy: not through the doors yet so easy Janis: don't be dramatic Janis: just stop talking about him i ain't interested Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what Jimmy: nowt Janis: alright Jimmy: 🚬 Jimmy: you coming out or staying in? Janis: gonna twos it Jimmy: is that a question or #couple goals Janis: a question, i don't think anyone's glamourized smoking in about 100 years Jimmy: I can Jimmy: If you want Janis: Yeah Janis: Go on then Jimmy: 👍

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hallowjuice · 8 years ago

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I'm glad your grandma is dying, I'm happy that she'll die in peace without having to deal with your retarded ass. Go fuck yourself

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wo

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maxheadley · 7 years ago

Text

Callista's Investiture

Callista spent twenty years awaiting the day she became the Wolf Pack Leader. Her investiture had come slowly, painfully, and under odd circumstances. Her current Pack Leader, Ruben, decided to retire from his leadership. Immortality surely slowed down the age process and the wear and tear on one's body, but the mind could whittle down to nothing, leaving one acting loco. She suspected his mind was wearing down, needing some much needed rest. Of course, she wasn't the only apprentice Ruben mentored, there was also Inja Hills. She'd have to battle it out for the leadership name, but whenever her and Inja sparred, Inja always came in second.

Right now, Callista stared at her reflection in the rose-gold vanity mirror with the old-fashioned lightbulbs that produced bright white light. Her handmaiden brushed a rose-gold brush through her fabulous, long, black ringlet curls getting the tangles out. With hair like Callista's, it tangled easier than normal straight hair. "Princessa, how would you like me to style your hair?" Asked her handmaiden.

"Abaigael, how about two braids with silver rope intertwined?" She suggested, holding up silver strings sparkling underneath the sheen of bright white light.

"Perfect. Your investiture should be taking place, soon, shouldn't it?" Abaigael quickly and gently began braiding her curls into the first braid.

Callista played with the gold strings, wrapping them around her small index fingers, and sighed as Abaigael styled her hair. "Maybe. Tomorrow night, me and Inja do our final assessment. Whoever passes the assessment, becomes the new Wolf Leader. Ruben has to decide officially if I'm worthy enough of getting crowned the Wolf Leader."

"You are most definitely worthy of the honor, Ruben must know of this."

"Thank you, Abaigael, but Ruben hasn't been quite interested in me in some time, and has taken to pleasantries with Inja." Callista sighed, observing the nimble way Abaigael braided the second of her two braids. The silver ropes intertwined with her curls, shined, glittering under the light, making her hair glow a little. She liked that very much. Traditionally, wolf natives wore white, silver, gold, or a dark blue rope amongst their dark hair to bring out the beauty of one's face or generally, their ability to lighten the usually dark features. Callista's mother instilled the tradition of wearing a light colored rope amongst her curls due to the darkness of her hair. Callista almost never wore her hair without a few strings of rope. She liked it best, anyway.

"Inja will most likely be the leader of the Golnessa Pack, Ruben is forming. I have no doubt he'd pick you to lead us here in

Richica." Said, a deep, masculine accented voice.

Appearing the vanity's mirror, was her large, but not incredibly tall brother. He stood above her about six or seven inches. His height wasn't very intimidating, though his stance and presence could make a grown man shiver in his boots. But not once has he ever given Callista any sense of trepidation. His dark, luscious black curls trailed down his chest and back without any styling or product. His eyes were large, wide, and light caramel brown. His nose too was a bit large, but fit his wide, face. Atop his black curls sat a golden, silver crown, sparkling without light hitting the gems that were engraved inside the silver-gold frame. "You do realize, Rolan, you are the King of Richica. If anyone's leading us, it is you." Callista turned around in her chair, laying an arm over the top.

Rolan rolled his pretty eyes. "We both are natural-born leaders and we will both lead."

"Mother would say differently." Callista muttered, bitterly.

Rolan sat on the edge of her four-poster bed, pushing aside the sheer blue curtains that draped over the sides. He caused wrinkles to come about into her heavy, silky sugar cookie yellow duvet. "You know it's true. Who's the one who rallied the pups in when they wouldn't listen to me?"

"Me."

"And who's the one who kept the pups under control during the Wolf Council Meetings and their parents were attending?"

"Me." Callista sighed, looking at her brother.

"Exactly. You're a better leader and a tougher enforcer than I'll ever be. The only reason, I can lead as well as I do with Richica is because I married Victorea's niece and she's incredible at solving and helping me navigate the obstacles and responsibilities of being a king."

"Misty has been taught by the best of the best. You've been learning from her customs and instilling them within yourself. It helped a great deal during the last of the wars." Callista waved to Abaigael to leave as she was done with her braiding and Callista had no need for her at the time. Abaigael bowed to King and Princess, scurrying away quickly to attend to other duties. Callista rose, and swiftly moved to stand in front of her brother as he leaned onto his elbows.

"I'm guessing the Wars showed how much I cared and would fight for my country, my wolves, my family." Rolan would've sounded smug, had he not possessed a sad tone.

"Precisely, you were meant for this, but to Ma, I am not meant for anything other than to be married off to the man of her choice and birth her grandchildren." Callista cued in an eyeroll. She highly doubted birthing children and marrying would be in her destiny's cards. She'd reject anyone who tried to marry her, being in love never appealed to her senses.

"Why can't parents allow their children to shape their own destinies and fall in love with their true love or true loves in wolf customs? I hope when my children come, they'll be free to choose who they are and who they love." Rolan shook his head and got up. "But you won't have to do as Ma says once Ruben chooses you to be his successor. She'll never be able to control you or your life again." He kissed her dark forehead, smiling. "I promise."

"You better hope he chooses me or I'm going beat you to a pulp." She chuckled as he departed the room.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he'll choose you."

Midnight's massive forepaw slammed heavily onto Sky's blue-gray chest, pinning her down. She growled, glancing up at the massive golden-yellow wolf leaping from the Great Rock down to where his apprentices had disturbed the debris. Vaguely aware of Sky's hindpaws scrabbling her flank unrelenting, Midnight spoke, unflinching as Paz, approached. His massive body slinking through the crowd of cowering wolves. He abruptly stopped at the dip's edge where Midnight overthrew Sky. "You can release Sky, Midnight." Paz said, in a deeply rich accented voice. His caramel-honey brown eyes blinking with appraisal and approval.

Midnight released Sky, growling, and leaped onto the solid grown. She sat on her haunches immediately. She observed Sky shaking off droplets of fine mud before she leaped onto the solid grown. Her yellow eyes glowering. "Well. How did we do?" Sky growled, not kindly.

"You should've done better and Midnight surprised me." Paz said, calmly, and met Midnight's humble gaze. "Midnight, you are cunning and calculating. I had never expected you to fight the way you have today. I am most pleased, and pleased to say, you have earned your new title as the Wolf Pack Leader."

Midnight blinked, astonished by the proclamation. She'd never expected Paz to tell her personally. She always presumed he'd tell the whole pack instead, let the surprise wash over her just like the praise and approval of her fellow pack members.

"You're kidding! What about me?" Sky shoved Midnight out of the way with a nasty growl. She faced Paz, the top of her mane rose up, spiking. She was shaking furiously and anger flooded her yellow eyes. "I deserved to be the Pack Leader, not her!"

Midnight drew her lips back in the beginnings of a snarl, but Paz flickered his golden ears warningly.

Paz gently ran a paw over Sky's blue-gray black tipped ears and gave her a swift, loving lick. "I've made my decision, my dear sister." He turned to face the wolf pack, that still remained in their spots, eagerly awaiting their new leader's announcement.

"Hear me now, my dearly wonderful and gorgeous pack, I have lead this pack since Sessian named me his successor many, many years ago. I have lead you through countless battles and three major wars, but my time as leader has come to an end." He leaped on the Great Rock, gazing out over his somber audience. All eyes were on him and no one whispered. He captured their attention greatly. Midnight hoped she'd capture their attention like he did, one day.

"I am proud to of lead you all, you have done me proud, and you've never failed me. I love you all with my heart, but as painful as this is, I know you'll love and loyally follow your new leader as you've done me." Paz beckoned Midnight to leap beside him on the Great Rock. "Please welcome Midnight as your new leader. I know she'll lead you as I have. She shows promise and her intelligence will serve you well." He said, as she settled beside him.

Murmurs and whispers passed around through the crowd and many stayed silent, unsure how to react to the news. Only one could protest to Paz's announcement, and that was Sky, but she said nothing and remained as silent as Midnight's mother was. Midnight grimaced at the hateful glare her mother gave Paz. At least I can rule without her influence and hateful attitude, Midnight thought, relieved.

"But before I officially give you all over to Midnight, I have another announcement." Paz waited for the audience conversations to die down, many ears perked up in anticipation to hear his new proclamation. "I have selected a good portion of you to set up a camp in the Golnessa Mountains, and it's come to my attention, the clan will need a leader and a name. I have decided Sky will lead the Wild Clan in Golnessa. I know she'll lead wonderfully and most of you know, she is deserving of a chance to make this clan succeed under her observant eye." If he were human, he'd of smiled at his sister, who looked about as astonished as Midnight felt.

"Are you sure?" Sky challenged, looking at the small group of clan members at the edge of the Wolf Pack. They each looked eagerly and calmly at their new leader. Surely, enough, they were happy to have her as their leader verses being leaderless. Midnight thought Paz did his sister right.

"I am positive, and I will be joining the Wild clan. I'd like to reside in the mountains for the rest of eternity." Paz nodded to Midnight, swiping his pink tongue over her black cheek, and leaped down onto the dusty ground. "Let us bow to our new leader as it is traditional." He howled, bowing his head to Midnight.

Following pursuit, the wolves bowed their heads, including Sky and her little clan. Midnight heaved her massive jet black body to her massive paws, lifted her head gracefully, and howled. Her howl echoing throughout the cove of trees, singing a song, and blessing her pack. She sounded strong, happy, and grateful.

A sudden chorus of howls and barks coursed though the audience, blessing her ears, and many were singing their praises, led by the one and only, Paz. Midnight met his caramel-honey eyes, seeing her dark reflection in the pupil, and howled once more.

"Let it be known, a new leader rules this pack."

Callista bid farewell to the Wild Clan and Inja. She stood on the grassy hill, behind the Richica border. Her dark eyes observing the small pack of wolves slink through the long grasses towards the snow, covered mountains bordering Nelessa. She knew the alliance between shapeshifter and wolf needed to be strong, and unbreakable. She though Ruben's idea of allying the wolves with the shapeshifters was bogus, but with explanation and love she came to the understanding, the alliance would harm no one and would in fact ensure safety of both the races and of course, the numbers would mean better battle outcomes. Their victories would come swifter and less casualties will result.

She had no objections allowing Inja to move into the mountains with the clan and keep peace between the wolves and shapeshifters to ensure their alliance's safety.

Beside her, Ruben, a short light brown skinned male with yellow eyes and white-gold curls stood. He told Inja, he'd catch up after he'd spoken privately with Callista. She agreed reluctantly to leave her brother behind. Nonetheless, she liked to have this last conversation with Ruben, for she may never see him again.

"You know Marvel plans to launch a Great Blood War?" Ruben inquired, hastily.

Callista knew Richica would suffer greatly under the wrath of the numerous demigods. Their numbers outweighed any race living on Legend's land. Many would die if Marvel had her way, but if all six races banded together, Marvel's plan would be unsuccessful and there'd be numerous casualties on her side. She'd be responsible for the end of her kingdom.

Callista suspected Ruben had concerns and that is why he abruptly brought up the question. "She can have a Great Blood War, but the wolves will not be on the loosing side." She turned, lifting her black skirts and faced Ruben.

Ruben rubbed his darkish hands together, they shook. "Many will die. You can't save us all. We are already a dying breed. We suffered great losses in the last war. If Marvel succeeds, she may end us for good." He looked thoroughly concerned. The safety and survival of the wolves needed to be ensured. Or he'll be devastatingly right.

"Not if I band together all seven of the races and that means including the Tigers."

"How will you convince Tigeress to consider fighting alongside her sworn enemies?" Ruben inquired, skeptically. "Or get involved in the affairs of a war she's never been apart of?"

"Tigeress can be persuaded. I just have to her an ultimatum or bribe her with something valuable. She is surely to come knocking at our door." Callista smiled, calmly.

"You better be right, or we'll definitely be done for."

"Ruben, I know I'm right, and if I can do this, you'll know. I'll send word to you once I have own the winning side and you'll know what I speak is true." Callista swathed Ruben into her embrace and held him for a few seconds. "But in the meantime, enjoy your rest and your new home. Go!"

She gave the chuckling Ruben a gentle push towards the mountains. "Goodbye, Cali."

"Goodbye, Ruby."

Callista's dark eyes trailed after him as he walked away. After a few minutes of watching him depart, she turned and proceeded to head back into the trees, but not before he called her name. "Callista!"

She glanced back at Ruben standing a good distance away. He was waving and smiling largely. "Thank you!" He shouted, then shifted into his golden-yellow massive wolf, Paz and ran down the rest of the hill at lightning speed. Callista chuckled, thinking he was so wonderful and deserved to live the next chapter of his life peacefully. Hopefully, he'd find a mate among the clan wolves, have a few pups, and raise them to be as great, loving, and caring as he was. She prayed he'd have the opportunity to do so.

She disappeared into the forest, knowing she'd never see Ruben Hills ever again, and wishing she'd known him better. He could have been her mate, the love of her life, if only she'd known what he truly wanted. Her.

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