#and she’s SO difficult to have conversations with about anything that could be perceived as a slight

[sizablelad]

i need my bestie to not take everything i do that doesn’t align with her vision of the world as a personal attack. like. we hang out every. fucking. day. if i have to bail on ONE day, that is not the end of the world i prommy.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

BOO! 👻🎃🕸 How are you scaring people with their shadows? Pick the picture(s) that you're drawn to the most then scroll down for the corresponding message(s). Happy Halloween my Sol-cherubs!!

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Pile One

"SHE AIN'T NO DIVAAA!"

You trigger others in a way that threatens their confidence and provoke them into a cycle of evaluating their self worth and identity after an ego death that's probably been long overdue. Some people in this group may hinder themselves back from speaking to people about anything in general, like expressing your opinion on something, talking about yourself, joining in a conversation so that you can be outgoing and network with others because you could feel like developing normal interactions with others is difficult for you. You could feel that people may find what you have to say as meaningless, they could even talk over you, or maybe you fear that people will hate you for what you say. You could also find yourself in too many situations where people are dedicated to misunderstanding you by twisting what you say or snubbing you. But despite their reactions, people strongly value what you say, and are often changed personally by even just a few words that you mention and could still think about what you've said years later whether it's from a normal conversation or an argument. I feel called to mention to this group that you shouldn't restrain yourself by muting your verbal expression in order to please others, because I'm getting that even though you aren't aware that there are people who want to listen and do listen to what you have to say and will like and respect you for who you are, you understand the weight of your words and the repercussions you face when you defend yourself and but there are times you don't in order to keep the peace. You must understand that peace is simply an illusion when you keep putting your feelings and wellbeing aside to keep people that are not even for you in your life. Tip toeing around others is not what's going to keep you safe—you gotta step on some toes to free yourself. This group has to learn both when it isn't your fault for when you trigger someone and when it is. Because I'm getting that another part of this group is more so in the darker aspect of this trait, you don't hold your tongue for anyone and when someone goes low, you go to straight to the pits of hell. You're fully aware of how you know just the right words to break someone and to intentionally offend them. Your brutal honesty isn't needed all of the time and sometimes you're not being blunt, you're just being an asshole. Reserve your poison for the people that deserve it, but it will benefit you to learn that the same way the magnitude of your words can be poison to others it also be venom used to help others heal. I know it may feel like that someone's always trying it with you but you gotta calm down and start seeing the good in humanity, because not everyone is a piece of filth that you need to sweep. The shadow work that you make other people do eventually creates a balance that keeps their egos in check and where their humility is holding them back.

Pile Two

What's chilling about you is how elusive you are. This can mean a variety of things, but one of the scenarios that I'm getting is that this pile could be adamant when it comes to holding grudges. People hate that you don't forgive them because it gives them a reality check with how entitled they feel to treat others and how they expect them to react about it afterwards. You seem to unfortunately attract a lot of people that don't take any accountability. They show up as either someone who feels like they have the right to mistreat others and have control over how their victims feel or perceive the situation or people who have lived their entire lives as victims but are in disbelief when they are in situations where they have made someone else a victim so they manipulate the situation to confirm their bias and lack of self awareness. These people are possessive over outcomes and how they want to be seen. You are very much capable of forgiving others, but you are strong with your boundaries to the point where you don't make yourself accessible anymore to the people have hurt you and this confuses them. They're used to thinking that words have more meaning than their actions or that forgiveness is something that's automatically given when asked for it, but you show them that's not exactly how it works. This makes them have to unpack guilt that they will deal with for a very long time or your absence reminds them of how powerless that they feel. Both are situations that are hard to sit with alone so these people may tend to latch on others and surround themselves with company. The shadow work that you make others do is to reflect on situations where they are habitually self-undoing.

Pile Three

What makes other people shook about you, is how unmoved you are but how you always seem to ironically move others. You could have this radical intelligence and self sufficiency where you don't care who's on your level or not. You could be isolated by others a lot, and on the outside it could look like you're out of touch with humanity, but no, you're actually way ahead of your time, they just need to catch up. The same things that people have tried to shun you for, end up becoming trends in the future. You guys are very secure with yourself and it intimidates others, but you've grown or will grow to not let that effect you anymore. I see that your purpose involves leading others. You guys could be coaches to help people break habits that maladaptively stagnate their lives, you keep yourself strong, in order to pass this on to others who finally decide that they to help themselves. Your insight isn't going to be accepted by the majority because those people are still stuck on outward appearances or are complacent with their own delusions, and it's not your responsibility to help everyone, but you're good at what you do and you have the potential to save a lot of lives with the changes that you help other people make within themselves. It doesn't even have to solely be changes either, you could motivate others to recognize what they already have within themselves too and that's so empowering. If you guys are tarot readers that are feeling down about the messages that you're trying to bring to people, I'm getting that you guys need to keep going, what you're doing is meaningful even if you can't physically see it, you awaken others deeply to things that they may not be ready to publicly share with others so give it time and remember your mission. You aren't here to entertain any thoughts of staying the same, you are here to promote growth. Don't downplay your gifts, you know what you know.

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

*NOTE; propaganda is out of order due to poll length!

Eugenides Propaganda:

the entire plot hinges on a detail he lets the reader (and every other character) assume is true. I don't want to spoil it because it's a really fun reveal but he is lying from the first second he appears on the page and you can't trust him to tell the full truth about ANYTHING related to himself and his goals. he mostly does it to keep his advantage and not have other characters be suspicious of him but it's just so fun when you realise he's been lying the whole time

Harrowhark Propaganda:

She gave herself a lobotomy and gives completely incorrect flashbacks to the previous book. Things that straight up did not happen. Gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

She’s schizophrenic (confirmed by the author) and also lives in a world with necromancy and ghostly revenants. She’s not just an unreliable narrator for readers, she’s an unreliable narrator of her own internal experience. She knows this and has to work with people around her to compensate for it. Descent into spoilerville below. Seriously Do Not Read if you want to read these books. There’s also the little matter about how she is *not actually the narrator* of a huge chunk of the story that we are initially led to believe is being told from her perspective.

(Spoilers) Holy shit she is THE most unreliable narrator. This gremlin gave herself a lobotomy so that she could forget about Gideon Nav, the most important person in her life (for magic soul-preserving reasons) so half of the second book in the series is spent gaslighting the reader about a book they just read. She comes up with an entire alternate version of the events of the first book in the series to carefully exclude any mentions of Gideon, and any time someone says ‘Gideon’ in front of her she LITERALLY has a stroke and/or an intercranial hemorrhage as her brain overwrites the word with someone else’s name. God occasionally intentionally triggers her memory revision to get out of difficult conversations. She also hallucinates ALL the time (unrelated to the lobotomy). She shows up at her frenemy’s room in the middle of the night (think little kid stumbling to their parents’ room and saying “I frew up”) to ask her to come check underneath her bed for the corpse that’s been wandering the space station. When frenemy checks underneath the bed, frenemy claims not to see anything, and Harrow is such an unbelievably unreliable narrator that it’s an open question in the fandom as to whether frenemy genuinely didn’t see the corpse or if frenemy was just yanking Harrow’s chain. Harrow is also haunted by a literal ghost that fucks up her already fucked up alternate history. Girlie will pick up a piece of paper and read from it the most violent and haunting piece of prose ever composed, when in reality all that’s written on the paper is the elementary school Superman S*. I am NOT joking that is a real goddamn scene. Harrow was created to win this poll. TLDR; she has brain damage and memory loss, she hallucinates, and is also haunted. * https://twitter.com/vestenet/status/1301012651145859072

Girl is so unreliable, she unreliably tells me events I was there for!!! She's retelling the previous book and I'm like "girlie, this is absolutely not how it happened". Also, she gave herself a DIY lobotomy, it has to impact your memory center I guess

She literally had a lobotomy, how can she be reliable

More Propaganda under cut!

Harrowhark is simply the unreliable narrator of all time. Can’t remember shit because of a lifetime of trauma? Check. Maybe lying to yourself and those around you a bit? Most definitely. Being gaslit by the survivors you depend on to orient you to reality? For sure. How about a little bit of canon schizophrenia? She’s got it all. Ghosts? Or something? Spirits that are attached in some way to your body and are not perceivable by others? Sure, sure! But how about spirits that are attached in some way to your body and are gonna use you to hijack others’ bodies and maybe kill God, too? Absolutely. Wee bit of DIY brain surgery? If it would make you an unreliable narrator, friends, then Harrowhark Nonagesimus has been there, been subjected to that!

Okay I don't know that much about this series since I haven't convinced myself to read all of the first book, but this is my blorbo in law so I'd feel bad not spreading propaganda (all of what I'm saying is something I've read, as to prevent myself from straight up submitting misinformation). So all of Harrow's unreliable narration takes place in the second book, Harrow the Ninth. Basically, without her even seemingto acknowledge it, Harrow's brain is very fucked up during this book, to the point where even she's not sure how reliable her narrative is. There's many questions left unclear as a result of her fucked up little brain, like what's real, what's fake, whether we can trust her judgement, whether even she can trust her own judgement, whether her original cavalier is dead or not (Harrow is convinced she is), etc. Let me tell you, I adore unreliable narrators who aren't even that sure if they're reliable. I have yet to eat that trope up here in this circumstance, but this poll might not run again by the time I do, so for now, here's my messed up blorbo in law.

OKAY SO REMEMBER MY GIDEON SUBMISSION? HARROW DOESN’T! SPOILERS AHEAD BECAUSE SHE LOBOTOMIZED HERSELF TO FORGET GIDEON BECAUSE THAT’S A HEALTHY WAY TO GRIEVE AND THEN IN THE ONLY PARTS OF HER BOOK THAT SHE NARRATES (THE REVISED CANAAN HOUSE PARTS) IT’S LITERALLY A ROOM FULL OF GHOSTS HER BRAIN SUMMONED TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT SHE CUT HER BRAIN IN HALF TO FORGET GIDEON. she also is a) haunted and b) psychotic, experiencing hallucinations her entire life of both the ghosts haunting her and less supernatural hallucinations- bells tolling, bones rattling, her parents (some of the only dead people NOT haunting her), etc! in the revised history of canaan house that her brainghosts invent, she brings along someone who knows about her psychosis to help reality check her when she tells him go! her caregiver as a child and support when she got older, crux, is a horrible man- but at one point, when someone other than harrow is in harrow’s body and tells him “i am not harrowhark, i am sorry,” his response is simply “aye, you’ve said that before too. who are you then, if not my lady harrowhark?” showing his familiarity with her psychosis and his love for the child he wouldn’t dare see as a daughter. but enough about that lets talk about her unreliable narration! she lies about her feelings of course but she also simply hides the truth from everyone, all the time, compulsively. also literally the entire section of her book that she narrates is a lie she’s telling US about a lie she’s telling HERSELF and no one understands even a little bit of the truth until like the last act of the book. queen.

[crowwithacomputer]

The X Files - S4 - EP20

of course, another silly episode.

but this time we get a really interesting scene known to anybody who has seen the show.

Of course, we see how Scully is technically not opposed to, yk, having something with Mulder, but what got me is the after.

Scully tells Mulder he's not a loser after Eddie tells him he is, but then Mulder says that he's not Eddie either.

Maybe this has been talked about before, maybe I'm pushing too much, but I feel like Mulder doesn't take action because he has this insecurity about the subject. I think he's scared Scully might say no.

Therefore, he doesn't do anything about his feelings, and I think the same thing happens to Scully. They have a professional relationship and that's it (which I'm surprised about, I thought they were such good friends but they love each other that much just by working together, no other interactions).

As we see here, Scully might be a bit weirded out but she's open to talking to him. She's open to hanging out with wine and talking about their childhood, talking about really private stuff and silly stuff too. She's open to a kiss. At least that's what we see.

Leaving out of the conversation how Mulder behaves on a daily basis with Scully, I think he does like her because he said that last thing, that he's not like Eddie. Like it's a bad thing. Like he lacks that charisma (?).

This doesn't happen with all the other girls we've seen him with. I think he knows he's cute and could potentially hook up with someone, of course. But I think he's insecure about his personality, and because Scully knows him and how weird he is, he believes that's why she wouldn't be open to anything with him. Not even a normal friendship. I think he's insecure because of all the comments he receives on a daily basis about his work, his way of thinking, his beliefs... Mostly he doesn't care, but when something about you is repeated to you every day of your life, you end up believing a part of it, at least it affects you in some way. As a plus, I believe Mulder is perceiving by Scully's behaviour that she's just really professional and actively doesn't want anything with him. She's focused on her stuff, and I don't blame him she does look like that.

Scully may think that she's repeating this cycle with this authority figure she talked about in a previous episode. She doesn't wanna get near him that much because of this emotional unavailability. I also have another theory, and it may be that she thinks Mulder is so deep into his own world and his own thoughts that there's no point in going forward with him, because he also may actively not want anything with her.

I don't think these traits that make them "not approachable" to the other are something they don't like. Being that their personality, they both appreciate these things and accept them, but of course it's difficult to start a more intimate relationship with these traits, they're afraid to take the first step because it can actually ruin the relationship they have now and, therefore, their work.

I was talking to my mother while watching this and she said "maybe they feel comfortable in this coworker relationship and that's it", but I think this is deeper, way deeper.

I hope this, in some way, affects their relationship from now on. Some angst, and with it a bit of sincerity, and maybe the beginning of a friendship. Just that at least. I'm not asking for much but I just know that's too much to ask from CC.

I really hope this is not just like "hey remember when you almost hooked up with a guy that looked exactly like me without knowing it wasn't me? haha, funny story"

Of course I don't want no spoilers about this because this is the kind of stuff I wanna find out for myself.

I hope y'all like this stuff 'cause I don't think I'm stopping any time soon 🫡

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

I honestly don't know how to start this cause I'm awkward lol but basically: my mom thinks my close(ish?) Friend is my "boyfriend"... could not be further from the truth 💀 (also sorry this is a bit long btw i like detail & that is a pain for me to deal with sometimes. This could be catagorized as venty but this is meant to be just a bit of a mind dump)

I'm aromantic asexual (romo+sex repulsed/adverse) & bigender (boy+girl), the um- suspected "boyfriend": she's a lesbian trans woman. This has happened a couple times, ligit were that mean gay & overly nice lesbian meme & somehow A NOTABLE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE THINK WERE DATING 💀 told her like imidiatly over text just to clear anything up like if my moms weird or smth. She was just like "oh shit" & we havnt mentioned it since.

What makes it a bit awkward tho is I DO lowkey have a squish/qp crush on her, on & off, but I know that my attraction tends to fade & waver with time (like- Lithqueerplatonic / Queerplatonicflux I guess). So I wouldn't really want to be in like, a qpr w/ her. That & I've always kinda "worry" that my boy/masc part may make most lesbians uncomfortable being in a qpr with me and vice versa with gay men & my girl/ fem part.

Anyway I just have really intense platonic feelings when I do have them & I wish as a society we were more ok with expressing that ;> RELASHIONSHIP ANARCHY WHEN?? when will ppl be "allowed" to kiss their homies goodnight without it being perceived romantic?? WHEN ;D (I'm also on the aplatonic spectrum, dont have many friends & dont plan on having many. I think too many ppl overwhelm me.)

My ideal QPR would just be like: cuddling/leaning on eachother, time together, nicknames & small gifts of appreciation (inexpensive &/or handmade stuff or food), I find kissing weird as a concept so a no for that personally in general. And like, at this point... thinking out loud idk if I want to do that w/ her specifically or if I just want a qpr? Cause like I'd only feel comfortable even touching ppl I'm fairly if not really close to & she checks that box by being in my short friend list. For reference: I only started regularly hugging & saying I love you to my best friend recently & we've known eachother & been mutually eachothers best friends for a decade. (I used to occasionally question if i had qp feelings for him but I am like VERY sure it's just heavy platonic appreciation. i love him so much hes the brother i never had i fr cannot stress how much i love him hes fr fr the best bro bro not even related to the topic really i just want to say that i love tf out of him hes awsome)

Anyway plz prey/etc that I don't get weirded out by my mom so much that I come out as aroace 💀 (i find even the idea of being in a romantic/sexual relationship repusing & unconfortable to think about. Just not my thing, if that changes fine i just don't anticipate that happening. Also I don't think she's like, a "kick me out" aphobic, just an uneducated 1. I just don't want to deal w/ any of it tbh. I want a clean cut "I am [blank]" statment and for the "conversation" to be over with but I don't expect that ) tldr: wish me luck on this journey of the cringe that is existing ☺

good luck!!!!! existing do be difficult but it will be okay :]

[qualitative-decay]

more adventures in schrödinger's perceived-or-not, on account of. coyn still has me by the throat a bit perhaps lmao

----

----

he feels numb. he can tell he has more reaction than that; can feel something hovering in the periphery, something repeatedly restricting his breathing and spreading tension over his temples, but—

here.... isn't a good place for that.

now isn't a good time.

they stare resolutely at the seat in front of them. if they look out the window, the chance of them getting lost in the blur of lights and missing their stop entirely edges into dangerous territory, and they already feel like they're clinging to the present moment with both hands.

the bus is.... quite full. he holds his backpack on his lap and tries very hard not to touch or be touched by the woman who claimed the seat next to him — a task made more difficult by her wild gesticulation as she converses with some passengers across the aisle. he shrinks into his seat and ignores her as best he can. he wishes he could actually have anything playing over his headphones to better mitigate the "every single thing happening around him", but he's still worried about missing his stop.

....

....

he doesn't quite blink and find himself on the doorstep of stan & the narrator's place — if he looks back, he can drag out the memories of more or less what happened in the intervening time — but it's vague enough and distant enough that he's grateful he did in fact end up where he meant to. or, some future him will be grateful. whenever his feelings come back online. ....probably.

they think they'd been going to knock on the door, but.... they're sitting against the wall next to it instead, backpack hugged to their chest again. they'd been holding it together so well earlier, too. got stuff packed, made sure that their— that the room they'd been staying in was as orderly as they could manage. they didn't know what to do about things they had to leave behind; they felt a little bad for leaving it for b to deal with.

(if it feels like something in his chest is squeezing to think about him, if his next breath comes half-choked, it's just the worry. it's just the concern. he really should knock so he can go inside. he probably should tell someone something's going on.)

....is something going on? they're— this is— something is wrong, isn't it? they think they used to feel more certain, but.... no matter that they know they can't trust it, with everything the parable said, and stanley's own behavior of late— they just— they aren't sure anymore. maybe there's no reason to be concerned. maybe stanley just.... got tired of having them around.

maybe they just want this to be indicative of something being amiss, because the alternative literally, physically hurts to look at.

(maybe they shouldn't have forgotten that it was always meant to be temporary.)

he scrubs at his face with his sleeve. this isn't helping. he needs to go inside so he can actually feel— safe. not that he feels in danger out here, exactly, he just— it feels exposed.

....

....

he's sitting on the edge of the bed in the guest room, light spilling in from the hallway. part of him wants to close the door. part of him is viscerally recoiling at the thought of a closed door, no matter that he could open it again any time he wanted.

....he didn't really end up explaining anything. he couldn't figure out how to; got about as far as he knows it's zero notice but would it be alright for him to spend the night, before the static fully crashed over him again and left him unable to get much anything else across. even just through thought.

stan and the narrator had exchanged a Look, the meaning of which would probably still have gone over their head if they had been more present, and the narrator had suggested they get some rest; they could talk more in the morning if they felt up to it. and, in all honesty, the idea of shutting themself off for a while sounded very appealing. it... still does. so, somewhat mechanically, they open their backpack and start to fish out sleep things.

it's a decently sized backpack, but not so large that a stuffed animal could really get lost inside. and yet... he can't find tether in there. he digs out more clothes in case it's just further down than expected, but the creeping suspicion that he somehow forgot it at stanley's flat is—

their train of thought is utterly derailed by the next thing they grab. they have.... no recollection of packing this. (not true. they can picture it, can in the most abstract way recall it, but it's like something from a dream, or a story told by someone else. it doesn't feel like something that actually happened, even with the evidence under their fingertips.)

he clutches stanley's hoodie against his chest, curling around it. for the nth time in the day his throat closes against the emotion, his breath squeezing through painfully. it would probably rasp if he'd let it, but even though it makes him dizzy he forces himself to breathe slowly enough to not make a sound. it feels very important, somehow, that he not make a sound.

once their breath comes more steadily & with less effort, they shove everything but b's hoodie somewhat haphazardly back into their backpack and drop it off the edge of the bed. they can brush their teeth and do any other hygeine maintenance in the morning. they flop back onto the mattress with more force than was really necessary and hide their face in the hoodie against the light from the door.

(sleep, fortunately, finds them before too long.)

[just-doing-lesbian-things]

I headcannon Avatar Korra as a lesbian

Ik the fandom largely recognizes her as bi, and idt the creators knew about comphet so they probs didn't even know they could make her a lesbian after everything with Mako, but her romantic journey feels ridiculously similar to my experience as a lesbian who dealt with deeply rooted comphet (compulsory heterosexuality) and I want to explain why and how this character means to much to me in this respect

(Don't come for me; it's a f***ing headcannon and I acknowledge that it's not anything more than that)

Background: Comphet

So comphet is ultimately borne from a lack of representation. When you're a little kid in a society that only allows heterosexual-passing love stories to exist (and queer rep is made through a hetero lens), you often don't even realize that you can feel same-sex love and attraction; that it's even an option. So when you do feel those feelings you chalk it up to something else.

It technically affects everyone, but it disproportionally affects lesbians (which is why many lesbians get up in arms about other groups of people using the term to describe non-lesbian experiences) because when this happens in a patriarchal society--one that centers men and men's stories--being a girl/woman who doesn't like men is astoundingly difficult to wrap your brain around because everything is pushing you at men.

It can be even harder to wrap your brain around than being asexual (note: i say can be), because at least with pure asexuality you aren't attracted to anyone, whereas lesbians not only don't feel the "right" feelings for men, they feel them towards other women. And as women themselves who (1) may never have truly wanted to receive those feelings from men but (2) have been raised to expect that sort of attention from only men, getting over that those feelings are okay to feel for women (that it's not inherently predatory as men's attraction to women is made out to be and can really feel like when you're not attracted to men at all) It's a clusterfuck basket of feelings to sort through. And this leads to a lot of tension as you struggle against your own self-expectations in multiple areas.

Why I See Korra As A Lesbian:

1. What we know about her upbringing.

The Avatarverse is queerphobic. We learn about that in the comics when Korra tells her parents about her relationship with Asami, and from her later conversation with Kya. Same-sex relationships are taboo in the Avatar world, a topic of conversation best not shared, and best experienced on the DL so right away we have a representation issue. And

We learn pretty early in Korra's story that she's been isolated from peers her whole life. She's spent her whole life training at the compound and Naga is her only friend. This level of isolation means her only experiences of romantic relationships are going to be from witnessing her parents, coupled White Lotus members/guards/etc, and what she hears from mainstream stories--which again, as we learned from the comics, were likely not queer as queer relationships are taboo.

We don't see the same level of outright misogyny from Korra's era like we saw from Aang's era, but the centering of men was still there baked into the familial gender roles and expectations--meaning the centering of men in women's lives was probably-definitely also there.

All of those points together means that Korra's upbringing most likely gave her a heterosexual expectation for herself and lends itself to a situation where a young lesbian would definitely have some comphet to work through.

2. Her relationship with Mako.

Often, lesbians dealing with comphet will "choose" guys to have crushes on based on their perceived social value (often it's the mainstream safe option or "the underdog") and sometimes lesbians know they're choosing this guy, and sometimes it's more subconscious, often experienced getting oddly obsessive only to discover they're not into him once he reciprocates or the relationship is established ("getting a boyfriend has been achieved. societal validation unlocked. but wait, why don't I like the reality of having a boyfriend?").

That "oh she likes him" music played for Korra after Mako pulled impressive stuff at the Pro Bending arena and was waving to the crowd. And like, yes, people can become more attractive based on their actions and achievements, but a lesbian under comphet would definitely see Mako prove himself to be an impressive guy (loved by an entire cheering audience) and go "I choose that one." I myself used to scan a room, pick the most conventionally attractive guy, and go "i want that one to like me" and then genuinely thought I liked him. This behavior is not about actual attraction, it's about a subconscious understanding of social dynamics and what you need to be valuable to a community--emphasis on the subconscious.

She gets pretty obsessive about him, which makes total sense if he's her first crush and she's been isolated her whole life, but also lines up with the comphet lesbian.

That line in her confession, too, "I really like you and I think we were meant for each other." Like, girl, what soulmate romance novels have you been reading between training sessions?? And this doesn't mean she couldn't have actually been attracted to Mako, but it does mean she really built him up in her head (and what she should expect from a chosen guy).

Then they get together, and you know how long that lasted for? Like, two episodes. This was where I started to think she never actually liked Mako. Immediately Korra starts picking fights with him and then quickly physically separates herself from him. And she does this to him almost every time they're in a scene together after they start dating. Meanwhile, Mako was just being a relatively supportive, attentive boyfriend so clearly her own feelings were the trigger. This wasn't a problem of personalities clashing, it really seemed like Korra didn't like the reality of being in a relationship with Mako.

In the end Mako takes it on that he's just not equipped to handle being the support-partner to the Avatar and Korra agrees that they're better off as friends, I even seem to remember her being the one to verbalize that they made better friends than gf/bf all after she worked so hard to convince him to be with her. And why I ask you? Possibly because as soon as she had the boyfriend, she realized she didn't actually want a boyfriend. Emphasis on the boy.

She took like zero social cues from him: He says he's confused, she jumps in and kisses him. He's uncomfortable with her grabbing his arm, she tells him to play along (translation: "suck it up, this is happening"). And then there was that scene where she kissed him out of nowhere in the locker room. (And Korra picks up on social cues from everyone else, so it's not an autism thing or something.) This is actually behavior you'll see frequently from people who are more into the idea of a person than the actual person. Liking an actual person requires acknowledging their personhood (not just how great they are), and Korra does way less of that than she does of deciding how things with Mako can or should go all, the way up to their mutual decision to just be friends. And lesbians under comphet? Yeah, liking the idea of a guy is the closest they usually get to actually liking a guy.

I don't doubt that Korra doesn't care for Mako, later seasons definitely proved that time and time again, but: a lesbian under comphet could very easily mistake that care for different feelings and lead to a relationship like what Korra had with Mako.

3. Her Intro to Bolin

It's such a small thing, but that first moment she has with him in the gym, the way she bristles at his "implication" that they were "together" screams bby lesbian to me. Because I did this. Often times I was looking out for such implications. And I've been a bby lesbian so I would know (technically still am).

4. Apart from her intense and then very short-lived feelings for Mako, we never see her express interest in a guy again.

And four seasons does not translate to a lifetime of examples, but several guys are shown to express interest in Korra over those four seasons (I'm including Prince Wu hitting on her in their first encounters) and meanwhile we only see Korra interested in two people: a guy and a gal. And one of them, I think, can be really well explained by comphet.

5. What Her Relationship with Asami Tells Us

The way Korra acted toward Asami when she had feelings for her was completely different from the way she expressed her feelings for Mako. And, like, yes, she's been through at least two seasons of trauma since she first thought she liked Mako so she's changed, and this was a show on Nickelodeon so they wanted the queer to be as subtle/nonexistent as possible, but still:

The way Korra acts while liking Asami is c o m p l e t e l y different from how she acted when she was in her Mako phase.

Even after they get together in the comics, the way Korra expresses her interest in Asami is still completely different from her interest in Mako. Her interest in Mako was obsessive and forceful and after they got together it was very platonically comfortable in small moments before she consistently turned combative. Her interest in Asami was receptive and emotional, and then when they got together it was secure, protective, and fierce. And I'm not saying bisexuals can't experience this difference between two partners of different genders, but as a lesbian who dealt with comphet and then started dating the actual correct gender for her sexuality, her relationship with Mako screams of forcing something she thought she wanted. Especially when compared to her relationship with Asami.

In Conclusion

Arguments could be made for ace umbrella rep in Korra, and certainly the fandom's consensus is that she's bisexual rep, but I wanted to express a different possibility; one that never gets fully explored in media.

In the end: she's a cartoon character, so any aspect of her personhood is completely dependent on her creators (like what stan lee said about people who ask him which superhero would win in a fight, the answer is "whoever I want to win.") and while I super doubt the creators knew they could go this route to explain Korra (meaning it's probably not in the cards for actual cannon) I still hold this headcannon dear to me because I see so much of my own (misguided) romantic history reflected in it.

Thanks for reading.

[jaehunnyy]

Honest

Genre: enemies-to-lovers!au, angsty but with a happy ending, comfort-ish, fluff (in the end)

Word count: 0.8k

Pairing: enemy!Suho x fem!reader (feat Yeri and Baekhyun as their friends)

Warnings: one kiss, usage of pet names (love), reader and junmyeon cry once, usage of the word "hate" (hypothetically), they are literature students so they kinda talk in rhymes at one point and the dialogue is kinda monologue-ish, possible grammar mistakes

Requested by: @bluisheye93 (song: Nosedive - Chen)

__________________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

If someone had told you that you would spend your breaks crying, you would have probably laughed in their faces; but studying literature was already hard on its own, and a certain Kim Junmyeon seemed to not care about that, as he kept making life harder for you. You had been neighbours since the two of you were little, but your relationship has always stayed the same: nothing more than "enemies", who were faking an awkward friendship for the sake of their parents' bond.

From your point of view, it was simple; he hated you, so you treated him just the way he was treating you. But on his side, things were a bit more difficult. He wanted to be noticed in a different way. He wanted to be like those male leads from his favourite dramas, the ones who could always get what they wanted, the ones with real friends by their side. He wished he lived in a world where the mindset of "money can solve anything" didn't exist, cause in this case, the girl he liked would be walking hand-in-hand with him in the hallway right then. Instead, he got a monotonous life in which he felt hated, even though he was just getting a taste of his own medicine.

He couldn't stand you because of your bubbly nature, and he was jealous that everything seemed to work your way. Your smile could heal wounds, and you always stood up in whatever you were doing. He was perceived as the bad guy from the beginning, and when his parents started to compare him with you, that was his last straw. But how could he not fall for you? Everything you did was perfect, and every feeling of love dissipated into hate; he hated that you weren't his. He hated that you were his inspiration when writing poems, but couldn't be his muse when he needed comfort. And that day, he felt like he lost all of his chances, if there were any.

Thirty minutes ago, you were peacefully enjoying your meal with your friend, Yeri, when you overheard a conversation that he was having with his friend, and that's when you felt at your lowest—because you only heard the bad parts of it.

"Her presence makes me lose my mind, Baek, you don't even understand!" he sighed, while ruffling his hair in frustration.

"Then tell her already," Baekhyun insisted, not expecting what would follow after his friend's burst.

"Tell her what, that I hate her because of all the attention she is getting? That i hate her because–", and silence.

He saw you leaving the table you used to occupy, and that's when he knew he fucked up again. He ran after you, with a desperate need to set every feeling that was pressing his aching heart free; even if it felt in vain. But all he wanted was to let you know why he was doing all of this.

On the other side, the moment you got inside the storage room, you let the tears furrow your red cheeks. "Where did I go wrong?" you asked yourself, without being able to give a proper answer to your question. You knew he was following you, and the moment you heard his steps behind you, you knew that you had to go through this conversation, to at least end this hell of a "friendship", forever.

"I can explain everything you've heard there," he stated, and even though he didn't see a move from you, he continued: "As selfish as it sounds, I hate you because you can't be mine. When I need some encouraging words, you are not here to tell me that everything will be fine."

This time, you felt the need to look at him, tears still on your cheeks. You knew he was fastforwarded, but did he really mean to spill those words?

"You did all of this—because you love me?" you asked, voice trembling in shock.

"Yes. It all started when you were just the center of my poems, but now, you became the center of my whole world."

A simple answer, yet the solution to your messed up situation.

"I know I hurt you, Y/N. It's okay to react like this. When it hurts just cry, cry all you want, it's okay."

"I never knew you felt like that, Junmyeon… But I want to repair all of this, and to make you happy, if it isn't too late."

You held his hand softly, and you swore you've seen tears at the corners of his eyes.

"When sadness disappears, and tears begin to stop, I'll wipe your tears underneath your eyes with my thumb."

"Promise you will stay by my side?" he asked, playing with your fingers and kissing each one of them.

"It's worth a try, love." you said, and sealed your promise with a sweet, little kiss—a kiss that marked the beginning of your enemies-to-lovers story, just like the drama he wanted to live in.

[the-ferocious-kittyrose]

Could you give us your William Head cannons please and thank you?

Also what's your Williams and on gay rights

Buckle up and get ready for the shit circus, because I’m about to go into EXCRUCIATING detail

He was born to Elizabeth (Beth or Betty) and Jonathan (John) Afton.

John was a WW2 vet. He had lost his leg in the war and suffered from severe PTSD. He was never cruel to young William, but he was an emotionally distant alcoholic, which mad connecting with him difficult.

William was much closer with Betty. She was an elementary school teacher with a love of books, poetry, and sewing. She would read little William bedtime stories every night, and made most of his clothes by hand. But tragically, she struggled with severe mental issues. Sudden intense depressive episodes, hallucinations, and paranoia. Due to improper treatment, she would end up taking her own life when William was still around ten. He was the one to find her body.

John decided that he wasn’t fit to take care of William on his own, so he told him to pack his things because he’d be going to stay with his Aunt Margret in America (Virginia) for a while. “For a while,” turned out to be, “forever,” because soon after he was dropped off, his father stopped responding to his letters, and he never came back for him.

Decades later, William got a letter saying that his father had died, and inside was a letter he had wrote to William on his deathbed. William had convinced himself that his father had died years ago, so he wouldn’t have to face the abandonment, and the reality that he had actually been alive the whole time enraged him so much that he threw his father’s letter in the fireplace before reading it. He immediately regretted it and tried to take it out, but it was already too burned to read.

Aunt Margret’s husband, Uncle James, was an aggressive “man’s man,” who was determined to toughen little William up. He didn’t approve of William’s interest in anything that wasn’t perceived as masculine, and constantly berated William for not being, “man,” enough. He made William go hunting with him, which William hated because of all the dirt, bugs, and boredom. The only part he liked was when he got so skin and gut the animals. He found it satisfying and fascinating. It got to a point where he would secretly cut himself, just because he enjoyed looking at the blood and layers of skin and tissue.

He met Henry while in college. They bonded over a shared interest in music and cartoons. They had similarly tragic backstories and gravitated towards each other naturally. William got VERY attached to Henry. Henry was his first real friend and became his only source of emotional validation and fulfillment.

William has always been a very jealous and deeply insecure person. He loved Henry and he hated when other people people would, “steal,” Henry’s attention from him. He was also Jealous of Henry himself. Henry always did better in school, despite William trying harder. And, despite being introverted and rather awkward, Henry was better at making friends and being liked. Like, genuinely liked. William loved attention and being social. He tried so hard to fit in with people. He was great at making people laugh and he could hold a conversation just fine, but forming genuine bonds with people, he just couldn’t pull it off.

He got married mostly out of societal obligation. He liked his wife. Laura had been a waitress at “Fredbear’s Family Diner” and she and William only dated for about a month before getting married. A small ceremony held in the diner. She was sweet and pretty, everything a wife was supposed to be. It’s just that he never really wanted a wife. He realized early on that he had to sort of, “fake it till you make it,” when it came to romantic or sexual relationships with women. The idea of faking it for years wasn’t very appealing, but he recognized that it was something he had to do to be accepted by his peers.

Laura hadn’t really wanted kids, at least not so soon, but William insisted. He insisted that that was just what they were supposed to do. When Mike was born William proudly showed him off to his peers and basked in the glory and praise he got as a new father, but he didn’t do much of the dirty work when it came to raising a baby. That was Laura’s job.

Laura couldn’t stand being a stay at home mom, and William’s emotional neglect/abuse wasn’t helping. Soon after Evan was born, she had an affair and ended up leaving the state with her new partner, leaving little Mike crying in the driveway. She tried to write to the boys after, but William always intercepted the letters before they could see them. He thought it would be better if they just forgot about her and her betrayal.

William really wanted Evan to like him. Evan was extremely shy and timid, hardly ever speaking to anyone, including William. William was upset by this, so he made a Fredbear plush with a speaker so he could talk to Evan, without him getting scared. He was also personally offended that Evan found his animatronics creepy.

William knew that Mike bullied Evan, but he was ignorant to how bad it actually was. He just assumed that boys would be boys and that this was just something brothers did. Eventually Evan would toughen up and grow out of the crying thing and everything would be fine.

After Evan Died, William knew Evan was possessing Fredbear. Instead of setting him free, William kept the broken bloody animatronic in his basement. He tried to keep him happy, unable to accept that he failed as a father. Evan was sad, so he surrounded the animatronic with toys and sweets. Evan, was cold, so he draped Evan’s baby blanket over the animatronic’s chest. Evan was lonely, so he killed children and stuffed them into the suits so Evan could finally have the birthday party that was ruined for him.

(There’s obviously more, but this is already way too long lol sorry)

(As for his opinion on gay rights, I’d say, he doesn’t like being told he can’t do something, and he couldn’t care less who other people sleep with, so he’s definitely for it, though he doesn’t really care all that much. On the other hand, he finds it strange that people would choose to come out of the closet and face prejudice rather than just stay closeted and repress their feelings in order to be accepted.)

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Some further bits from The Magi - I forget if I posted these or not.

----

Lorenzo de’Medici to the Platonic Philosopher Marsilio Ficino: Greetings, written in Tuscan I hear you mean to remain in Celle another few months though, truth be told, I would have you here with me for I miss your council and wisdom during these difficult times. You once wrote that the gifts others give: riches, honours, pleasures—they are all in fortune’s hand and therefore we have nothing surer than their uncertainty, nor more reliable than their inconstancy. I replied that I have oft’ experienced this and can safe safely now that what I had experienced of the vagaries of fortune is nothing to what I have been handed this past year. Always you are calm and sensible when I am the opposite. Always you are full of love and friendship for your fellow man, even when they may not be deserving of it. I would have you instruct me on how it is you can love men when you have seen what it is they are capable of doing. When you have your own losses and hardships at their hands. How can you see the brutality of the world we live in and write about hope? That is the advice I would have from you. That is the wisdom and council I seek. I wrote, many years ago now but it remains true, that nothing can bring light into my life as your joyful companionship and advice, which is of authority and full of such love. If our companionship failed, so too would part of my life. I intended to write this when your Cavalcanti remained in the City so I could send it through him to you, but I was not in a mood to write. You who have known me since boyhood know how I am when a dark veil has covered my mind making my hand unable to compose anything of worth. That is the case now. There are conversations we are long over-due to have that cannot be written. There are things I must explain to you and have you explain to me that we cannot commit to paper. Come to Florence so we may speak. If you do not, I will come to you. Poliziano sends his love. Landino says he has found a book you were after for your latest works on Dionysius the Areopagite. Palazzo de Medici, Florence, October 1478

---- Marsilio Ficino to the magnanimous Lorenzo de’Medici: Greetings It is with great warmth that your words have found wings with which to fly to me. You say that you have written this letter in a dark mood—and perhaps, yes, I can see your pain and grief within the lines, but that does not an ill-sent letter make. Indeed, I would rather have these short few paragraphs from you than nothing at all. It has been a long summer and now we enter autumn. I would not have us winter as strangers. You and I who, I always thought, had some understanding of one another. Remember always that Lorenzo is the sun of Florence and the sun is what creates Truth and Beauty while, at the same time, allowing us the ability to perceive Truth and Beauty. Therefore, the Truth and Beauty of the Republic and her citizens are created through you and through you we are able to see what we are. You make us and see us and we see each other and you. I meant to leave Celle this week, but I cannot for my mother has taken ill and I dare not leave her side until I know she is out of danger. She has taken with a stomach complaint, so while I fear for her, I do not fear for myself nor my household. If we were graced with Laurels, as poets can be, we would be honoured. Therefore, hasten to Celle if you desire, our Laurel tree of flowering Florence. Or simply write, if you prefer. Regardless how it is we will witness one another next, your Marsilio will greet you with love as he has always done and always will do.   Giovanni Cavalcanti sends his regards. San Leo a Celle, October 1478

-----------

I can safely tell you, dear readers, that Giovanni Did Not send his regards.

-----------

‘If he comes here it saves me going to Florence which is what I thought you wanted,’ Marsilio snaps. He and Giovanni have taken to the gardens to walk the olive groves. Lizards skitter here and there. Somewhere, a wren sings. Marsilio swallows discomfort at the sound of the song. ‘I would have you safe,’ Giovanni replies. ‘I am safe—Lorenzo will not hurt me.’ ‘There were men butchered, without proof of guilt, and their corpses positioned in shop windows.’ Giovanni stops, hands pressing into his hips as he stomps ahead of Marsilio. ‘You weren’t there. You didn’t see how Salviati tried to use Jacopo’s body to save himself when they were hung from the Signoria windows. You haven’t seen the boys running through streets with their decayed body parts, hounds following them.’ ‘I’ve seen horrors in my life, Giovanni, I can well imagine what happened.’ ‘And now he has our blood flowing into the countryside to water absent crops on salted land left to us by Papal troops.’ ‘I thought you loved Lorenzo,’ Marsilio says, aware that he is beginning to sound plaintive. ‘He is a good man, beneath it all, I know that.’ ‘You believe him to be a good man beneath it all,’ Giovanni corrects. ‘And I love Florence. I love Florence with all that I am. I love her as much as I love you. But loving Florence does not require loving the Medici.’ Marsilio steals a glance around then grabs Giovanni’s arm, hauling him towards the oak grove. Not that there is anyone amongst the olives with them, but it is further from the house and he does not wish for anything to be overheard. It is a trouble, for them, that on the occasions when they quarrel it must be done in Tuscan. Giovanni cannot think in Greek fast enough to keep up with his emotions. Or so he says to Marsilio. ‘Well it is too late, I’ve invited him and he is coming.’ Marsilio smooths a hand over Giovanni’s face. ‘You need not worry. You’ll not walk out one morning to see me dangling next to the Pazzi and their fellow conspirators. My hands are clean.’ ‘Are they?’ ‘If Lorenzo was going to kill me, he would have done so already. I have not fled, I have not hidden away. At any time he could have sent men to collect me and bring me back to Florence to die and he didn’t and he won’t.’ With care, Giovanni takes Marsilio’s hands into his own. He kisses the knuckles once, twice, three times. He whispers into Marsilio’s skin, ‘You didn’t answer my question.’

everything is going great for everyone!!!!!!

[truearchangel]

[COMPANY][SETTLE] // Eve wanted to talk to Michael and it somehow ended up with them comforting him

@solmxri HURT. [ COMPANY ] for one muse to sit with the other so they don’t have to be alone while they’re upset. [ SETTLE ] for one muse to comfort the other and end up cuddling.

   MICHAEL DOESN’T LET HIMSELF express much emotion. He’s learned, early on, that doing so can lead to them being used against you or others perceiving you as weak. Whenever he ends up feeling too much he meditates or bottles it down until they’re nothing more than a buzzing background noise and he can go back to work. Because that’s how he processes things, by not processing it. By ignoring it until he can move on. By shutting it all own until his head is clear enough to focus on the problem at hand. 

   There is one instance where this apparently doesn’t work. 

   Lucifer is a difficult subject for Michael. So much pain and agonizing emotions were wrapped around his twin. They’re difficult to process as they’re difficult to swallow down, to understand that–well, his brother doesn’t have to and never will forgive him. The things that he did, the way that he hurt him, are not forgivable acts. No matter how much he would long for the chance to just sit and talk to him, even if words weren’t his specialty and would never come easily. 

   Lucifer is his weakness, the person that can get most easily under his skin, a topic that can wreck him in ways he never wants it to. Which had been what happened today. 

   Michael had been down in Hell again, studying the sinners and the Princess of Hell. Someone had made a comment, just a few cruel words thrown around. Things one can expect from someone to say who lives in Hell. They’re not words he hasn’t heard before, nothing he never thought of himself. But still to hear them outloud, to hear so many people agree, no matter what sort of acts Michael tries to present to the world he is still an angel. He’s a creature that feels, that experiences emotions, that can still be hurt. Even if he hates that. 

   Like a coward in response he had ran. Had fled the conversation and the entirety of Hell in general. Though he should have gone back to Heaven, should have shut himself in his office and worked until he couldn’t think about anything other than numbers and Heaven’s problems–he went to Earth. One long grocery shopping session later, he was apparently knocking on Adam and Eve’s door with a useless amount of food they would have absolutely no need for. 

   And like the angel they were and should have still continued to be, Eve simply blinked at them and allowed them inside the house. No questions, no strange looks, just a door held open and Michael invited inside like this was normal. It’s not, it’s only the third time he’s been here, Eve could have turned him away and he would have done what he should have. Gone up to Heaven and shut himself in his office. 

   Instead, with the door held open, he made his way inside with the groceries and dropped them gently onto the counter. Eve helped him put them away, left out what Michael wanted to work with, and then started to work their way through the ‘comfort food’ as humans called it. “The woman at the store told me to make lasagna.” More accurately, she took one look at him and said “you need lasagna”. He had no idea what that was until she started shoving ingredients into his arms.

   Thankfully, Eve knew what that was. 

   There’s no strange ingredients added into it this time, no odd choices chosen. He stuck behind Eve this time and let them dictate the recipe they were following. Surprisingly, with the both of them actually putting an effort in, what came out was correct and normal. Something actually edible that Adam wouldn’t run in fear of thinking Michael was attempting to poison him. The food actually looked good and the top was browned with a breadcrumb surface that was pleasing to the eyes. 

   Edible. 

   He poked the dish with the tip of the butterknife and gave a small hum at it. “I think we did alright. Your partner might actually eat it this time if we save him some. I’m never quite sure what he likes and doesn’t like but at least this turned out fine.” He felt better that something actually turned out well, but it was more the act of doing something with someone else that actually took off that top of that horrible burning feeling in his chest. That ache that threatened to consume him. 

   “Do you want to get a few conta–” a set of arms wrapped around his waist and despite all attempts, Michael felt himself stiffen in response. He has siblings, he’s used to being grabbed, hugged, yanked on at any point doing the day. Angels were incredibly affectionate and touchy people, he can’t go a second in the same room with one of his siblings without them hanging off of him. But expecting it from them and getting it from Eve of all people is very different honestly. 

   It’s not a bad feeling either. In fact, it feels rather nice to have. Those arms wrapped around his waist, that gentle touch that was trying to provide some sort of comfort. The weight of the fallen angel against his back. The longer that Eve hangs on the easier it is to release the stiffness to his posture, his shoulders easing a bit and a tense breath slips from Michael’s lips. No, it’s really not that horrible at all. He would even day admit he was enjoying the comfort offered to him. 

   After an aching moment he finally turned around in the other’s old and leaned forward, resting his forehead down against Eve’s chest and just taking a moment to absorb the reassurance that was being offered to him. 

   Everything was fine. 

   It was going to be fine. It had to be fine. 

   It’s been fine for countless millennia, what difference does one more day make? He just has to keep going the same. Keep pushing through. Nothing was going to change, nothing was meant to change. That was the way that Heaven was designed, the way they wanted their Heavenly Order to be. The way that angels are meant to follow the threads of fate. Lucifer was doomed to eternal damnation, and Michael was meant to continue to uphold the Word of God. Two separate fates down two different burning paths. He will never get his brother back, and he had known that the day he threw him from Heaven. 

   Why is that hurting so much today though? 

   “I’m fine.” It’s a lie, but he doesn’t get a choice but to be.

[ashcoveredtraveler]

So ummm I have been thinking about editing and changing some details for my long-fic, "Could We Have Peace?" This isn't a decision I have fully made so these changes may not even happen. I am just rambling here.

So this wouldn't be the first time I changed an aspect of my fic. I have already done it twice before.

I have an old draft of the fic which I uploaded called 'what could have been peace?" And in this old draft Ghost went back during the climb out of the abyss and Howl is still a young vessel. I only had 8 chapters written, and I hadn't uploaded any chapters at that point, so I have able to change it pretty easily.

The second time I changed the fic was when I uploaded chapter 14. At that point I didn't like how soft Orrin was. I thought he would need to get through some character development before becoming a 'good person'. He is a king, he doesn't quite know how to be soft to a personal level. So I put the fic on pause, edit the Pale Kings part and then resumed uploading chapters while putting the note in chapter 15 that I edit PK personality.

Now, I uploaded chapter 33 of my fic, and I would like to change Howl's ability to see.

I have thought about this change for a while, but recently after seeing this artwork, I was actually thinking about doing it.

If I do this then I would have to change Howl's character and how they perceive things. In the fic I always wrote how they liked seeing all the different colors, from clothing to environment. But then if they were blind then they would have to describe what they are hearing, and feeling. Let me go section to section to see what has to be changed

- Howl would escape the Palace as their injuries are catching up with them, meaning their blindness. They would have to wander through Kingdoms Edge blind. I like this image, just them stumbling around until they eventually find Markoth.

- (I initially thought their communication style would change, but I think that they could write just very sloppily)

-(while they are still in Kingdom's Edge they could bet a better sense of their surroundings though the void. They could sense little hoppers and booflies and practice at sensing life.)

- Howl would have a lot more trouble getting out of Kingdom's Edge, which means that Markoth practically has to be attached at the hip to make sure they don't fall. So when their arm eventually falls off, he would only know mere seconds before they collapse.

-The Resting Grounds shouldn't be too difficult of a place to traverse through. They will for sure bonk their head multiple times, but this is their chance to sense other living beings and actually sense their surroundings. I mention in the fic that they loved the colors of the tapestries throughout the Seers hut, so she might let them touch them and explain what is on them. They would certainly love the texture of them and pretty much anything in the hut.

-when they get to Blue Lake, they would enjoy the salt washing over them. In the fic I wrote how they loved the color, and I don't want to take out their hyper-fixation of the lake. They would recognize Quirrel by the sound of his voice when he comes in.

-(now I was thinking if Howl was blind, there was no way Markoth would drag them through Crystal Peaks, Howling Cliffs and then the Emerald Caverns. But I think he knows he doesn't have much of a choice. Besides, they have been getting better and are able to sense lifeforms. So Markoth would assist them though some portions).

- In chapter 26 when Howl has their panic attack, they could have simply gotten stuck anywhere.

-Another tricky section is when Xero and Howl have their conversation in chapter 30, I don't know if Howl would willingly leave their bed and wander when no one is awake. Though they could simply sense where everyone was and check the campgrounds before hand so they know where to go.

- Yet another tricky section is when Quirrel almost falls into a cavern and Howl saves him. How could they have done this? Will I use void as a way again?

- the Howling Cliffs has the same solution as Crystal Peaks

-The Festival I bet Howl would need assistance to get through the Emerald Caverns simply cause there are so many more bugs around. I think they would have the same mentality for dancing and would do it. They would recognize Ghosts name and then sense their siblings.

Now, even if I can make those changes with current chapters, there are a few things in planned chapters that make their sight important.

I know this post was a bit rambling, but I wanted to play around with this idea as I like the concept of blind hk.

[melishade]

Właściwie tak, jak to bedzie wyglądać kiedy maria pozna prawde o wojnie optimusa i megatron i jak w zasadzie Ymir na to zaaraguje mnie to interesuje.

Beach Episode

Translation: Actually, what it will look like when maria finds out the truth about the war between optimus and megatron and how basically Ymir will react to it is of interest to me.

Thank you for clearing that up. I appreciate it. And Ymir already had an earlier jump in knowledge about who Megatron was.

For seven months, Optimus and Ymir have become more attuned and acquainted with each other. Ymir is completely grateful that Optimus saved her life, and Optimus loves Ymir like she's his own, but there was still so much that they were both not entirely comfortable with sharing. Ymir didn't want to completely talk about her time under the King, but it did have to be brought up because she was having his kid (and that's a whole other conversation where Optimus has to explain that what the King did wasn't love at all).

Meanwhile, Optimus isn't entirely too keen about explaining his time during the war. And he does his best to explain to Ymir without completely traumatizing her. He explains that he's been fighting in a war that ended for eons. He explains that...he had to flee home...and that he had to fight his brother as he did cruel and harmful things to others. And Ymir can just see the pain and ache in his eyes and understand how tired he is. She doesn't understand the grand scope of it, but she does understand the weight of war, since she was forced to fight in it herself. Ymir hugs his holoform in those moments, being mindful of her growing belly, and does her best to provide comfort. Optimus thought that he could slowly explain things to Ymir.

...But then Megatron showed up-!

Yeah, Megatron being in the picture is already bad enough, but the fact that Ymir's first reaction to seeing him was screaming doesn't make anything better. After a few days, Ymir does get the explanation that Megatron was someone he fought during the war. But he had forfeited and went into exile before Optimus arrived here. Ymir can't help but write and ask if Megatron was the brother he fought, and Optimus has to relent and say yes. He can't lie to her, but Ymir truly feels fear now. How did she know that it was safe? If he did cruel and horrible things, what would he do to her once he found out about her power?! Optimus cradles her face and tells her that he's not going to let that happen to her. This arrangement for now will just be...temporary? Until they can figure this out. It's the first time Ymir has doubt in Optimus' word because Megatron just looks annoyed...and jealous.

But days turn to weeks and weeks to months. Ymir is stunned that even after her child was born, Megatron still stayed. Two months after her birth, she and Megatron have this conversation, Ymir sees that A) Megatron is trying to be better, or at least there's a desire to be and B) He's a kindred spirit. Someone who was vilified and wanted to seek safety. Optimus was her Savior. She and Megatron were the same.

After that conversation, Ymir and Megatron end up growing closer. They end up sharing stuff about their past, and the things they are not too proud of and the people that have hurt them in the past. It's why Ymir is willing to trust Megatron more than Optimus did with Maria in the beginning, especially when she got sick at five months. It's why Megatron and Ymir are so adamant about revealing who they are to Maria when she's six. They know what will happen.

But ultimately telling Maria about the war is....difficult. For both Optimus and Megatron. Because Maria does have high expectations of Optimus and Megatron, so telling them what they've done...will shatter everything in how Maria perceives them.

A few additional things happen in between Maria getting told the truth and Maria learning about the titan forms. Such as Ymir getting remarried. The herbalist passing away etc. Maria is 11 years old when she asks how Optimus and Megatron came here. What they did before? And it's bit by bit, with Optimus being the one telling the story and Megatron watching with hidden apprehension, making a comment here and there. Optimus explains that he used to be a librarian, and Maria asks what Megatron used to be. And this is the first time Megatron's not proud to tell someone that he used to be a gladiator, a fighter. Maria thinks it's cool but stops acting excited when she notices how nervous Megatron looks.

The next day, Optimus explains that they used to live in a caste system, a society where someone wasn't allowed to move from job they were assigned to. Optimus explains that the system...hurt innocent people. Maria asked if people died because of this system, and Optimus can't lie to her. He says yes. He explains that he and Megatron, despite being different members of the caste system, worked together because they wanted to help people.

"So you did!" Maria exclaimed as she stood up, "You stopped the caste system and saved your people! Right?"

Maria looks scared when Optimus and Megatron are avoiding her gaze. Like they...they don't want to tell her something. "...right?"

"...It wasn't that simple, Fir-...Maria," Megatron corrected himself.

Maria says that she doesn't want to hear anymore, mainly out of denial. Because her Papas were good! They were always!...always... It takes her a while to come back around and demand to know why they didn't fix the system to save those people! What happened next? Optimus explains remorsefully that they were young, ignorant, and foolish. One thing led to another and...the two of them became enemies. They started a war. And they...they just did more harm then good. Their home was destroyed and they had to leave, and they hurt the people they wanted to protect.

"Did people die?" Maria demanded.

"...yes," Optimus answered.

Maria's lips trembled. "Did you...did you kill people?"

Optimus hesitated at that. "...yes. War is about survival. People are willing to die for their beliefs and we had to lead our respective sides."

Maria could see the reasoning behind that, but things weren't always that simple. The Baker, her new papa, was innocent, yet he lost his home. "Did you hurt innocent people?"

"Firelight-,"

"Did you kill innocent people?!" Maria yelled, "People who had nothing to do with the war! Like Mama's love!"

Maria noticed that Optimus looked more confident as he shook his head, but his eyes showed some doubt. But Maria turned to Megatron and...it looked like his biggest secret was revealed. He looked so ashamed. Maria was angry and heartbroken as she walked up to her papa.

"Answer me!" Maria shouted at him.

"Firelight-!" Optimus placed a hand on her shoulder.

"No! Answer me!" Maria pulled her shoulder from Optimus' grasp, "Look me in the eye and answer me!"

Megatron raised his head and forced himself to look into those furious eyes. "Yes."

"Why?" Maria demanded.

Megatron didn't reply.

"Why?!" Maria yelled.

"...I don't have one." Megatron hung his head.

And it devastates her. Both of her Papas had hurt people. Both of her Papas had killed people. But Megatron had....hurt innocent people. The one she looked up to and admired. The one who protected her and trained her...killed innocent people. Maria ends up shoving past Megatron to get to her room. Optimus calls out to her, but Maria tells them both to stay away from her before she slams the door shut. Optimus thinks that he can try to explain but Megatron tells him not to. That it's too late. That Maria was going to hate them both forever, and there was nothing that they could do. Primus, his worst fears came true. And he...he deserved this. He knew that this moment of happiness couldn't last forever. Optimus sees tears well up in the holoform eyes before Megatron just leaves.

The next day, Optimus is the one who comes back to the cabin. He has a duty to Ymir; he wasn't going to break that. But every time Maria was in the room, she refused to talk to him and look him in the eye. Optimus understood that. Maria no doubt needed time to process, but...part of him was terrified at how long it would take. Maria was never going to look at either of them the same way again.

Ymir notices the change in mood little by little. Day by day. Week by week. How sad Maria looked when she ate her food, how angry she looked when Optimus entered the room, how remorseful Optimus looked, and how Megatron was no longer present around the home. Ymir asks Optimus what happened, and Optimus explains that they told Maria about...them. And...oh no...Ymir knew what that meant. That night Ymir writes down everything that she can about her life while keeping a watchful eye on her nearly three-year-old daughter. The next day, Optimus doesn't come to the cabin, but Ymir seeks out Maria and finds her sitting in a patch of dandelions, quietly sniffling. Maria sees her Mama and quickly wiped away her tears, trying to say that she's fine. Ymir shakes her head, knowing that she was lying and sat down next to her. She hands Maria the notebook and she opens and reads everything. About how her home was burnt to the ground by the Eldians and she was forced to become a slave. How she freed a pig, how she was ratted out, and hunted, and nearly killed for it. How she found the tree and gained her power. How she was taken back to the Eldian King and ordered to build and destroy in his name. Maria is mortified to learn that her own mother killed innocent people. How...she wanted to be needed and was afraid of what would happen if she left. How...Optimus came into her life. How...he called out to her. How...he saved her.

Maria...doesn't know what to say. How could she? She just found out that her mother was...Ymir flips the page to her next words.

"I'm...not a good person. I'm a monster. I've killed innocent people. I've destroyed homes. I've done things so unforgivable. I had the power to run away, but I was so afraid of what would happen if I did. I tried to kill Optimus the first day we met. But he looked at me, and saw me, and made a vow to protect me. He looked at a monster like me, and swore to save me."

"But..." Maria trailed off, not knowing what to say, "...what about Papa? What about Meg?"

Ymir flipped to the next page. "He's a kindred soul. He's the only other person that has understood what I feel. He wanted to change when I first met him. He wanted to be better but didn't know how. But he tried. For me. For Optimus. For you. Both of them do. They would do anything for you. They wanted to change, and put their differences aside for you and me. We have all done cruel and terrible things in our lives. We made horrible mistakes that we can never take back. We've been hurt so much by the world, which is why we try so hard to protect you from it. The way that you see us will be different now, and you might not look up to us the same way that you used to. You may even hate us. But there is one thing that will never change."

"What's that?" Maria mumbled. Maria blinked when Ymir took the notebook from her before her face with her hands.

"We...love...you." Maria gasped as she heard her mother's voice. "We...will...always...love you. We...change...for you. We...do...anything...for you. You...are my...daughter. And you...are their...Firelight."

Maria's never heard her mother speak this month, and she can tell it put a strain on her throat. But...she's moved. And remorseful...and she has to find her Papas! Maria hugs her Mama and quickly stands up and dashes towards the cabin. Too fast for Ymir to stop. Maria ends up right back at the cabin, but Optimus is nowhere to be found. But Maria is smart. She learned from the best. She sees the tire tracks in the ground leading in a different direction from the cabin and runs to follow it into the forest. She doesn't stop for a second, but she begins to lose the tire tracks and begins to follow giant footprints. She keeps running. Calls out for them! Doesn't stop! She can't stop! She slips on mud and ends up tumbling down a hill and hitting her head pretty hard to bruise. But she still gets back up and keeps going.

She ends up stumbling back when a wolf intercepts her and tries to kill her. Maria screams and still runs and tries to find a safe place, but her head injury and bruises are making it hard. Maria manages to climb up a tree, but the branch is too low as the wolf tries to get her. It nearly bites her, but Maria gasps when she sees Megatron in human form tackle the wolf away from her position. Maria sees Megatron briefly wrestle with the thing before brutally snapping its neck. Maria freezes when blood stains his hands and she sees a look of rage in his eyes as he drops the corpse. That look only goes away when Maria ends up falling out of the tree, getting Megatron's attention. He calls for his Firelight and rushes to her side, asking if she's alright, checking her for injuries and feeling the bruises on her head, demanding to know what the hell she was doing away from the cabin and-! he's getting blood on her. Maria feels him let go and sees him quickly back away in shame. He calls her Maria and apologizes to her. He didn't mean for her to see that. He remained near the cabin while Optimus returned to their ship. He heard her scream and he just reacted. He...he didn't mean to do this. He says he'll take her back to the cabin, but she shakes her head. Megatron misunderstands and thinks she doesn't want to be near him and says he'll call for Optimus to take her back. But Maria tells him that Ymir told her about her life, and what she did. And now...she wants answers from him. Why did you kill innocent people? Mama gave her reason. She wants his.

And Megatron...explains how it didn't always start like that. He was a slave without a name. He was forced to become a gladiator to kill in order to survive. Violence was all he had ever known, and as such, he always resorted to that as a means of survival. As a solution. Everyone always looked at him with fear or hatred. Optimus was one of the few who showed him compassion. But their war turned into a mess, and he just became cruel because he could. Megatron ended the war because he realized he lost his way, and he's felt nothing but remorse for all that he's done.

"Then I found myself here," Megatron continued, "I found Optimus and your mother. I stayed for selfish reasons. At the time I didn't care about your mother. But then you came, and Ymir and I came to an understanding of each other. And then...you looked at me without fear. You looked at me...and you smiled. And I-!" Megatron felt himself getting choked up, "I couldn't understand why, but I...never had anyone look at me like that before. Ymir screamed at the sight of me, but you called me a porcupine."

Maria felt the tears well up in her eyes as Megatron started laughing at himself. "You believed I was someone special. That I could be something more. I'd do anything for you, but you...probably hate me now. No, you definitely do. That's how this usually ends...I'll call Optimus to take you home. And if you don't want to see me again...say it. And I will be out of your life forever."

Maria is mortified at Megatron's words, and Megatron's prepared to call Optimus, but Maria tackles him to a hug into the ground. Megatron is shocked but makes no moves to touch her. He still has blood on him.

"I'm angry with you," Maria told him, her voice muffled in the holoform shirt. "I'm so angry with you...but I can't hate you."

Megatron swore he felt his spark stop.

"You're still my Papa and I love you," Maria declared.

Megatron stared at the sky in shock...and felt tears stream down his face. He raised his hands, his blood-stained hands and holds her. She...she still...What in the Allspark was wrong with humanity? How could she still...? Megatron can't help it and kissed her forehead and holds her tighter. He speaks words he never thought he'd say.

"I love you too, Firelight."

Megatron takes Maria back to the cabin to a concerned Ymir. Optimus hears about what happened and rushes over to check if she's alright, but nearly cries when Maria hugs him and apologizes. This confrontation doesn't fix everything. There's still a lot for Maria to process and to accept for someone so young. That her parents weren't always good people. That they've done terrible things and made horrible mistakes. But no matter what...they wanted to be better...because they all loved each other. And she loved them.

(I made myself cry writing this. Multiple times. And listen to this why don't ya!) Specks Of Time - YouTube

[nartml]

"Gender is a spectrum"

Could we please stop talking about it like that's a fact? I think it's different for everyone.

It's a spectrum to you. To me, it's actually very simple. I'm biologically a girl, I use she/her pronouns because of that, and I wear whatever the fuck I want.

So yeah, personally, conversations around the complexity of gender are confusing more than anything, exactly because for me it was always easy.

But I, of course, recognize that my experience isn't universal, hence why I know that everyone might perceive gender differently.

I'm not gonna lie and say I get it. I don't, and I'm actually happy about that.

I'm also not gonna lie and say that I give a shit.

All of this discourse boils down to "live and let live" and "just call me what I want to be called".

I don't have to understand what it feels like to understand that you feel that way, nor do I have to get it to respect you and your wishes.

I find it abhorrent how much hate people get just because they want any pronouns that don't fit others' initial assumption of how they should be referred to.

Generally, you transphobes (or any variation of that) are doing too much. Trans people, non-binary people, they all make up an ultimately very small portion of the population.

I also remember all that fight about neopronouns, and the only thing I could think when seeing people being so intensely negative was that you will never, ever meet someone who unironically uses cat/catself pronouns.

Be so serious right now. We're talking about 0.0001% of the population and at least half of them are either trolls or only use them online.

Not that I ever found neopronouns as anything more than a mockery and a ridiculous notion, but that's another thing.

Why do y'all get so heated over this shit? Frankly, we have infinitely bigger problems.

It really ain't that difficult to mind your business, even when it's something you for some reason disagree with.

However, I do find it interesting that the very same people who so fiercely condemn gender norms actually end up playing into them more than people like me, whose perception of gender is clearcut.

It's a recurring pattern of 'too much of something actually turns into something else'.

Like when water is so cold it burns.

Or when someone is so fiercely feminist, they actually make up some form of misogyny (e.g. the Snow White live action thing)

[immobiliter]

there's so much to say about this conversation between furina & neuvillette in 4.2 and i think a lot of people try to use this line in particular to push them as a ship ( which is fine, you do you ), but personally? not how i feel about them at all and i want to take this in another direction for a minute. i don't think furina is implying anything about neuvillette here ( whether it's as a deflection or not ) and is in fact kinda insinuating the exact opposite lmao, but more on that in a moment. imo, she's not necessarily talking about "watching" her in a lurid or sexually charged way, she is talking about the act of being looked at. over five hundred years of pseudo-godhood, furina has literally made herself to be looked at — there are certainly sexual implications you could take from this more generally, especially with the marilyn monroe influences in her character, although i won't really be talking about this here, i feel like that is a topic all of its own — by others. she is the leading lady of fontaine, she must be centre stage, she must draw the audience's gaze and she must keep up the facade. i think, when this line is paired with this one from her SQ, too, it makes more sense in context~

in turning herself into something ( i say something instead of someone, because she doesn't really have a personhood and that is her greatest problem going forward following the AQ ) to be gazed at and marvelled at, she has also turned that gaze into her ultimate fear. she knows that people must look in order to believe in her apparent divinity but, as i've talked about before, furina is acutely aware of how fragile that facade still is and is obsessed with controlling how others perceive her, even all these centuries later, especially in the wake of the impending prophecy that she seemingly cannot stop. she cannot get close to people, she cannot allow people in, she cannot develop any meaningful relationships out of fear that the role of the divine starlet on high will shatter. as she says~

plenty is made in her character stories of how difficult she is to work with in a professional capacity as an actress over the years lmao, but there is one exception to this: neuvillette. she has had no choice but to work with him for four hundred years and, while i don't doubt that she is still a complete nuisance to work with at times ( thank you for your service, neuvillette ), the two of them still made it work. there's no way that furina could have worked alongside neuvillette for that long and not given him a glimpse behind the curtain — as he points out in the line before hers in the AQ, he knows that she has never been as superficial as she claims to be. but the point that i think furina is getting at here is that neuvillette has never weaponised that knowledge of her character against her like he does here. neuvillette knows her better than anyone ever could, he never needed to look or marvel at her from a safe distance as regular fontainians did, he would express a certain amount of impatience and tut at her i'm sure but — and this is the important thing — would still quietly fall back into their routine of running fontaine together. i think furina found a great deal of comfort in that relationship, as close to an equal partnership as she was capable of having. convincing him that she was focalors was a very different task to convincing fontaine that she was focalors ( given that he is the hydro sovereign ), and yet he had never verbally expressed any doubt to her until this moment — which is also why i think she becomes so defensive to him afterwards.

and as a small sidenote, i also just find it oddly poetic that the one character who was never that preoccupied with looking at her over all those years as everyone else was, is the one most glad to see furina's return to the stage in her SQ ( where, as we know, she receives her vision ).

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

They are two different beings made to coexist as one. They are two different ends of a spectrum, arguably; human and 'monster'.

They are simultaneously sisters and complete strangers.

They are two and they are one, and they are halves of a whole and two complete people, and neither would be alive without the other. Perhaps that in and of itself is the cruelty of their particular circumstances; they cannot do anything without the other, and there can never truly be silence in the little space that lies between them.

They coexist well enough, for two beings so different.

Lyssa is sunshine personified, a ray of joy and light that radiated hope and adoration to those she held dear, and Anger is.....well, she is Anger. Ire and spite, fury that hardly knew any bounds, all condensed into one small little form, ready to burst at the seams at any slight; whether it be perceived or genuine.

Such a wonder it is, that these two ended up stuck together.

It is not such a wonder that they have their ornery moments.

It starts with them being worried about their family's disappearance.

Lyssa would argue that worried is not even half of it, and all Anger wants to do is argue lately, it seems. Argue about what they should do, about whether to stay inside and await everyone's return or go out and actively search.

Anger wants to stay put, to wait for them to come back because of course they're going to come back. They can't not come back.

Lyssa does not share the sentiment. She does not hope and she does not wish, she's run out of patience for both of those things, and she is tired of waiting. The last time she was a sitting duck hadn't ended very well and she does not want a repeat of history.

They can both feel the tension in the air, feel the dread pooling in the recesses of their shared existence.

Neither of them like it, of course; who would?

It all comes to a head a week after Ed, Al, and Mr. Mustang disappeared.

It had been calm, for the most part. They didn't know what was going on outside; they hadn't even set foot outside of the house since the day everything turned upside down.

Lyssa had been looking at the food that was left in the cupboards. There was still plenty enough for them to eat, as long as they were careful, but food for the pets was running low. She was making plans, mumbling to herself about trying to get more food for the animals, when Anger spoke up in the back of her mind.

" We aren't gonna go outside, right? "

They've had this conversation a million times, in a million different ways.

And it seems they have to have it again.

" We have to, Anger. Yuki needs food, and we have to look for everyone. "

" I don't want to. "

The response is so fast that Lyssa startles and almost knocks a can over, but her response comes easily despite it, accompanied by a sigh.

" I don't care, we have to and you know it. We can't stay here forever, Anger. "

" Don't just say that. "

The words have a bite to them that Lyssa is, at this point, familiar with. It's difficult not to, with her little head roommate being the very incarnation of someone's Anger. As a fortunate side effect, she's grown accustomed to dealing with said head roommate when she gets a little too snappy.

But Lyssa is tired of it.

" I get that you're mad— "

" 'm not fuckin' mad— "

" You're Anger, your default is mad— "

" Y'know what, go fuck yourself! I don' give a shit, 'm not leavin' this fuckin' house 'til they come back! "

" And if they don't? "

There is a sudden quiet in their shared space and Lyssa knows she's made a mistake, misstepped in the worst way possible, but she's come this far and has to stick to her guns. This isn't part of the latest script, but it needs to be acknowledged.

It is a horrifying possibility, but a possibility nonetheless.

" …They will. They always do. "

A possibility that Anger refuses to accept.

And Lyssa is tired of it.

" Anger, they're alchemists— "

" The fuck're you tryin'a get at here— "

" If you shut up an' let me finish maybe I could get to it! "

Silence fills the air with a kind of dread Lyssa knows well. The other shoe hangs in the air, a hair's breadth away from collapsing to the ground, but she waits in the silence for a few moments longer. She doesn't want another interruption, even if she knows it's inevitable.

" They're alchemists, Anger, they're not invincible. They're human, an' you.....you know how breakable they are. "

" I swear, if you're— "

Being reasonable? Being logical? She isn't listening to Anger anymore as she prattles on about something and all Lyssa knows is that there is a ringing in her ears and her nails are digging into the palm of her hand so hard it hurts.

All she knows is that she is angry. And she needs to calm down because the rage that bubbles within hasn't gotten her anywhere before.

Even if her anger is how she survived, she doesn't like to think about it.

She doesn't want to go back to the rage, not today, but Anger is making it oh so very hard, and Lyssa can feel the dam cracking. It could break any moment and all it needs is one wrong step before—

" Aren't you listenin' to me? "

The dam shatters and she is yelling.

" Well it ain't like I got much've a damn choice is there?! You're always in my fuckin' head and you never shut up! Nothin' ever shuts up, either ev'ryone is screamin' or you're goin' on some damn rant about God knows what! I don't care, Anger, we're leavin' and that's that! You can't stop me! "

One beat, two. She pants, out of breath and Lyssa thinks for one, feeble moment, that she's won.

The sense of victory is ripped away from her reach as her right arm is suddenly moving without her input. It reaches up and grabs a strand of her hair and tugs violently, hard enough to jerk her head to one side. She cries out and grips her rogue limb with the one she can still control, holding it in place.

She's barely aware of Yuki barking, and a hollow feeling floods her at the words that come from Anger, eerily quiet and worst of all, calm.

" I can an' I will. "

Dread worms its way into her, and the terror helps adrenaline flow faster even if Lyssa can't use it. She doesn't want to go back. She doesn't want to be stuck in the dark again, she doesn't want to have her own body ripped away from her grasp.

" Anger, please— "

" No! You think 'm gonna let you waltz outta here an' get us killed?! Nice try, but that ain't happening! You might have a death wish, but I don't! "

And then there's silence. It fills the space between them and fills Lyssa's thoughts with fear. It's hard to breathe. Why is it hard to breathe? It feels like her lungs are seizing in her chest, like—

She tries to draw in a breath. It feels like her lungs rattle with the effort it takes, yet there's still no reprieve, and she can feel herself sinking, hear the screams growing louder as her vision blurs and fades. She doesn't want to go back. She doesn't want to be drowned out again. She—

She's scared.

She tries to grip the counter, and she tries to stay, but it's no use as her vision swims and spirals. She can still hear Yuki barking, closer now, as her legs fold beneath her and Lyssa gasps. Tears burn her eyes.

" Please, " she tries again, and nearly chokes on the word.

Silence is her only reply, and just like that, she's forced back down into the darkness and the screaming.

Three days pass before Lyssa is able to wrangle control again.

She doesn't bring up the idea of leaving again.