#and she trusts me but doesn't understand that i don't have an appetite and since adhd meds kill ur appetite she thinks it's going to cause

[wizardnuke]

would like to thank my doctor for approving my stimulant medication after four months of me not calling it in and just writing "needs appt" on the instruction section of the paper. girl i would die for you

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

OMG IM SO EXCITED TO THIS INSTALMENT ARGHHHH I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I DO

Word count : 4k

Warnings : mention of food and dieting , Weed

IM SO EXCITED

Mattys POV

(A week or so has gone by since last instalment)

Oh my god things have been wild lately, George is finally visiting today he's going to be here for at least ten days I believe and I can't bloody wait for it. I couldn't sleep last night we were up all night on FaceTime, he fell asleep eventually because he "didn't wanna look like complete shit when we first met", which is stupid because he can't look bad in anyway , to me. His train was due at 4 this afternoon but since I hadn't slept I had started getting ready at 7am , showered, dressed in skinny jeans and a floral shirt that I'm sure I stole from my mum once upon a time and my Docs because what else would I wear, I had spent at least half an hour just trying to make sure my hair didn't look like a damn bird nest or that I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, brushed my teeth and even had some breakfast. It was now 8:30 and I'm pacing, like actually pacing because I hate waiting. He'd texted me this morning but he doesn't want to show me his outfit because he wants it to be a surprise so in turn I said I wouldn't show him mine which is hell because I love this shirt so much and love showing it off. On what feels like my fifth lap of the house my dad had tried to convince me to sit down for a bit but even if I did it would be roughly five minutes before I was up and moving again. So in turn he'd asked if I wanted to go for a drive which I accepted gratefully. I think he was taking me to Tesco to pick up some stuff for dinner later.

We were just walking around the shop my dad pushing the trolley and me just shoving literally anything in it. "So this lad then, George is it?" , I nod with a smile on my face. "What are we to call him, like is he your boyfriend or just a friend who you like, or just a normal friend". My dads just amazing always trying to understand things

"For now he's just a friend that I like but Um we're somewhat both interested in one another but haven't asked the question yet, so please don't call him my boyfriend yet because I haven't asked and don't want to scare him away yet", I throw at least five packets of noodles into the trolley. "He likes noodles , is that enough or should I get more?"

"Son , your gunna work yourself into a headache just breath okay, I'm sure everything is going to be just fine" , I take a few deep breaths and we continue on through the shop. Stopping to drop a few more things in.

"Uh Dad, Would it be okay if we got some alcohol?, I promise I won't over do it" , I know he probably can't trust a word I say because I can't prove that I won't but I really want him to trust me.

"I'll be honest lad , I think we'll have to ask your mum first and we can come back later if she says it's okay" , we just ponder around a few more isles and drop random things into the trolley "you haven't smoked today have you!"

"Not yet no , why?"

"Would you like to drive the car home ?" , we loading stuff onto the check outs , I do have my lisence I got it last year and I do have a car but my mum and dad took my keys after the crash with Janey because they didn't trust me in the car unless I was with one

of them.

"Are you sure dad!"

"If you'd like son , just be careful yeh?"

"Oki thank you dad , honestly thank you", I threw my arms around him and he held me just for a second and we made our way to the checkouts putting all the items through and packing them up, I'm a little meticulous about the packing and how to do it so dad just lets me do it my way "Also da , we need to go to the pharmacy my medication is ready to pick up"

"Which ones is it where picking up today lad ?" , we'd picked up like 2 other ones this week but I think they were for anxiety and anti-sickness but these ones are just supplements for food.

"Just food equivalent to help me get my appetite back like the ones I had years ago" , my dad payed for the food swiping his card across the card reader and waved goodbye too the cashier as we leave and as he's packing up the car I jump in the front seat and get myself accustom with the steering and gears again.

"You all ready then Son", he jumps into the passenger side and buckled up eager to see how well I do

"As I'll ever be ,I guess"

The drive to the pharmacy wasn't to bad to be fair, I'm still a pretty good driver and my dad said I did well so I'm happy about that. I didn't want to go in again for like the 3rd day running so Dad went in for me giving me a second to just breath and reply to George. Last message I got he was still getting ready he doesn't have to leave for the station till around about 1 and it's only 9:30, I think we both just got a little to eager.

MATTY: my dad let me drive !!!!

GEORGE: yeh ?, how did you do?

MATTY: haven't driven in a while so thought I'd mess up a little but it actually went okay, we've been to Tesco to get food for the next few days , we're at the pharmacy now and then where going home and I think I'm going to tidy my room cuz it's an actual pigsty might ask mum to help

GEORGE : don't have to tidy for me love, my rooms a shit tip

MATTY: I will anyway

As my dad came back I slid my phone back into my pocket he handed me my medicine to make sure it was the right thing because he really had no idea what is was called , neither did I to be honest but it looked right so I just flung it on the dashboard and we made our way back home

We unpacked the bags in the kitchen as Loius ran around looking literally as excited as I felt as he'd grown to really like George too they interacted a lot over the past week , and when I told him George was coming to visit he got so darn happy he climbed up onto the middle island in the kitchen and watched us unpack

"How long till Georgie is here Maffu ?"

"He's coming today little dude but it's still a long time yet" , after unpacking the last bag I pick loius up and manoeuvre him so he's on my back, and I carry him back up stairs and flip him onto my bed " you gunna help Maffu clean up ?"

"I don't wanna tidy Maffu but I'll watch", he's always just soooo me and it makes me laugh and ruffle his hair again as he looks up at my with the big smile and those big blue eyes.

"That's okay, can you get Mummy for me then"

"Oki", he jumps back off the bed and runs through the house , leaving me stood in the middle of the room looking around trying to figure out where to start, it really is such a mess in here, mugs and plates everywhere, piles of clothes, shoes just milking around , stacks and stack of books , dvds and cds and my bed isn't even made. I get lost in my thoughts when I here a knock on my door that makes me jump.

"Sorry love didn't mean to startle you, what was it you needed me for?"

"Can you possibly help me tidy up in here , I don't know where to start and it's so bad" , she looks around just as baffled as me, then strides over and pulls me into a hug.

"Love ,what happened in here?"

"I just haven't had the effort or will power to clean up Mum, sorry" , I hug her close and then as we separate herself we both look around and make a mental note on where to start

"Right first of all love , take all the dishes downstairs and ask you dad if he can clean them up , then come back up and we can sort your clothes out okay", I nod and then get to picking up the cups and plates grimacing when I realise how bad it actually is. I run downstairs with the dirty plates and mugs dropping them carefully into the sink, then run back up the stairs two at a time to help mum. "What clothes are clean and what aren't love ?"

"Most of its clean it just needs to be folded and put away really", it takes me a few more seconds to actually sit down and start folding a pile that was next to where I stood, Im so bad at keeping up with cleaning it bores me. I noticed mum stand up and start putting clothes into drawers and stops to look at something already in the drawer

"Matty , love what are these?”

I drop the shirt I was folding onto the floor as I know exactly what she was talking about as I know what I��d been hiding in that drawer, I scratch the back of my neck as I breath in ALL the air that was in the room and try to piece a reply together. My mouth opens and closes a few times but no words leave my mouth.

“Matty love?”

“It’s nothing important Mum, just put it back please” , I take three big stride across to her and place my hands around the books “Mum seriously it’s nothing”

She did let me take them and shove them back the drawer as she takes a tentative seat on my bed and pats the space next to her. “Sit down for a minute please my love” , once I’ve got the books properly back into the drawer and place myself down next to her. “Can you please tell me why you feel the need to have books about dieting love”.

“It’s not important Mumma , it doesn’t mean anything, I just have them”

“First off Matty , I’ve been keeping an eye on everything to do with your eating habits for a while and I know there not very good , your skin and bone love , and you only ever call me Mumma when your anxious , so please you know I’m not going to be mad , can you please explain to me why?”

I know she won’t be mad and I know it’s not something that’s that big of a deal but its still scary to talk about , so as I think of the right words to say I just ponder in my mind what I need and look around my room as I try to explain. “It’s just about the element of control , I was losing control of everything in my life and I was freaking out so bad you know , like I had zero semblance of control, but then I found a book at school about diets like I know people diet duh , but um when I read it, a lot of it was about how people diet to gain control over something, so I tried and I read a lot of them but then I even lost control of that and I’m scared again so I hid them so I wasn’t as embarrassed about losing control of even that and people wouldn’t ask if they saw and I wouldn’t ave to talk about it”

“Matty , I know things are hard right now love , and I’m proud that your talking to me , but why couldn’t you tell me earlier”

“I don’t know Mum really, I guess I just didn’t know how to” , I got back up from my bed and went back over to the drawer taking the books back out and contemplated them for a while. “Can you take them Mum”

“What would you like me to do with them?”

“Just don’t let me have them I guess , I’m going to try to get better , Dr Adrian gave me the medication for it and I’m gunna work harder at everything I promise”. I get back to the cleaning of my room “Mum?”

“Yes love”

“I’m sorry for how I’ve been lately and I’m sorry for worrying everyone, I also appreciate you for letting George come because he really helps me be a better version of myself and I really hope you can see that when he’s here , I know I haven’t known him that long but he really does help me”

“I’m so glad that you’ve found someone that you can talk to Matty , you don’t have to apologise everyone goes through hard times , you’ve just got to pick yourself up and if you need help keep talking , be it to me or George or your dad even Louis , I know he’s just a kid but even if you talk you’ll feel better”

“Thank you”

It takes us a few more hours to tidy up my room it really was a state , and I talked to my Mum the whole time about how I felt about everything and anything. When we had finished the tidying and cleaning up it looked like a completely different room I hadn’t seen it like this in at least a month.

It’s now 12:30 and although I’m more than excited to see George the restlessness was starting to get to me again, George had informed me he was on his way to the train station now his train was at 2 and it took him an hour to get to the station. It was getting harder to not be nervous because I was really just watching the time tick by. I’d rolled a joint after I’d finished cleaning my room but hadn’t got round to smoke it yet because dads trying to keep me busy until we have to go because he knows if I’m just sitting waiting then I’m going to get irritable. With this being the first time I’d had a break today I decided to just let them know I’m going for a smoke. So now I’m just sat outside on the front porch relaxing as I smoke the joint.

Matty: I’m so nervous darling x

George: I’m actually shutting a brick 😂 , would your dad mind if I went for smoke when I got off the train or would he wanna get going straight away ?x

Matty: He won’t mind , I’m sure he’d understand

George : I’ll be grand then , will you be waiting for me on the platform or will I meet you outside.

Matty : I’ll wait on the platform you dick😂

George : thanks love x

I slide my phone back into my pocket and finish my joint before making my way inside, I know it’s lunchtime and I should eat but I’m not the hungry yet but Louis came running through to the kitchen and attached himself to my leg “How long now Maffu” , I picked him up and put him on the counter while messing up his hair, he’s got a lollipop hanging out his mouth so I didn’t really catch what he said, I took the sweat out of his mouth for a second.

“What was that kid ?”

He smiled a lopsided grin at me and rolled his eyes dramatically , so much like me. “How long till Georgie is here silly?”, I gave him back his sweet and he shoved it back into his mouth even though I was just holding it my hand was sticky so I turned the tap on and started washing my hands

“He’s getting on the train really soon , then daddy and I will go get him , do you want to come too?”, he again smiled at me his eyes growing to the size of bowling balls and he take his sweet out of his mouth again.

“Can I ?”

“If you want too kiddo , just finish up with your sweet and wash your hands and then we can talk cuz that’s going to take you ages to eat”

“I don’t want it anymore, you have it” , he went to hand it to me but I told him that’s it’s okay and just to put it in the bin , he runs back over to me, I lift him up and help him wash his hands. “Will George play with me when he comes ??”

“I’m sure he will Kiddo”

I spent the next few hours just playing about with Louis , on the play station, watching tv with him , helped him with some homework that he had left around about 2:30 he fell asleep on my lap while we were watching the TV , George had texted me saying that he was now on the train half an hour ago, and we should be leaving in an hour because it doesn’t all to long from ours to get to the station here, so I took Louis idea into consideration and tried to take a nap myself which in theory maybe wasn’t the best idea but I was starting to get tired so that I did , I set an alarm on my phone for 45 minutes so I could get my head down for a little while. I layed myself down trying not to disturb Louis and sleep consumed me

My alarm woke us both up at 3:15 , Louis was not too happy with it, he was still tired and he was throwing a little hissy fit “hey kiddo , I know your tired and I know you wanted to come to pick Georgie up but you need to calm down for me so we can get ready to go can you find your shoes for me ay ?” , he just clung to me his tiny frame shaking as he cried “hey hey hey it’s okay , you can have another nap you know , come on kiddo no need for tears”

“But I’m still sleepy , I wanna go bed” , as I got myself he was still clinging to me so I decided to take him upstairs to bed his head was resting on my shoulder the whole time. “Maffu , is it okay if I just stay here”

“It’s okay kiddo , just get a big nap for me and when you wake up George will be here and you can play all day yeh” , he nodded against me as I lay him down on his bed and tucked him up and kissed his head

“I’ll see you later okay”

“Okay Maffu”

I got myself completely got my leather jacket from my room , checked to see if my dad was ready, he let me know that he was just going to finish his tea and then we’d get going. So I just waited by the door, annoying I know but I just wanted to get going. Once he was ready I raced out to the car like I was 7 again jumping into the passenger side as my dad made his way to driver seat and we got going. I couldn’t help my leg bouncing up and down anxiously the whole way there, I’d bitten my nails raw Mum would have killed me for it but dad doesn’t mind. I’d chain smoked the whole ride there out the window of course and really it wasn’t that bad the train station was just half an hour away so it was really not to bad. We got to the station with 15 minutes to spare so I checked my hair in the middle mirror of the car and started fussing with my outfit until my dad told me again that I looked absolutely fine and to stop worrying , I sat and waited for literally only two minutes before I decided I just wanted to go in and wait so I just told my Dad that I’d let him know when I’ve got George and we’re going to have a smoke before we come back, he gave me a quick nod and smile before I got out and made my way inside

Inside the station was so busy, people milling about the place, so much sounds and smells, it was so hot in there as well but I tried to gather myself and push through I saw that the train from London was going to be arriving on platform 3, I started making my way there but there was quite a lot of people waiting there aswell and I could feel myself getting anxious and my nerves were getting the best of me so I hung back and just sent George a quick message letting him know that I am inside but I’m not on the platform because it looked busy, he replied not to long free to let me know that it was okay and he’d call me once he departed the train and I could let him know where I was which helped me alot. I decided to wait outside WHSmith a small convenience store that was off to the side of the platforms , True to his word after a small five minutes more of waiting my phone started to buzz in my hand and George’s contact appeared on my screen

“Hey there”

“Hiya love , that’s me just coming off , where is it your at ?, you doing okay it’s not to busy for you is it ?”

“I’m stood outside smiths , I’m okay for now it’s not to busy round here I’ll be okay, I just really can’t wait to see you now”

“I’ll can see it , from where Im at so I should be there in no time at all handsome”

I couldn’t help but smile , my heart was racing , basically jumping out of my chest in anticipation, I could hardly wait, there wasn’t much conversation going on between us we were both just keeping an eyes out for each other, He soon caught my eye “I can see you , you lanky fuck”, despite feeling nervous and anxious about everyone around us the fact that I could see him sent a jolt of pure joy through me and I felt my legs starting to race to him. As I began running to me I could see the moment he clocked me and he just dropped his suitcase open his arms to me and I ran into his arms and burried my face in his chest pushing my phone into my pocket without even hanging up. We stayed there in each other arms for what felt like an age not saying anything just holding each other and it felt so right

“Hiya handsome” , I pulled away first but not all the way just enough so I could look up and his and the smile on his face was everything I needed to feel relaxed. I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks already. “Jesus , you really ARE a lanky twat aren’t ya” his smile grew bigger if that was even possible and we giggled to each other and he pulled me closer to him

Once we’d sorted ourselves out taking at least another five minutes just holding one another we were just stood line idiots smiling at each other and he eventually picked his suitcase back up and I’d sorted my phone in my pocket I took his hand and lead him outside to the smoking area.

“Babe , you looks so cool, by the way” , I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard the word babe leave his mouth and it had my blushing even more than I thought humanly possible and I took his hand that was in mine and kissed it as we both giggled again.

“You look so fit”

[twinkleinadiamondsky]

"Bro, I’m on like, three kinds of medication,” you replied in weary irritation. “With what appetite do you expect me to eat?”

Bro? Oh God 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You dove right into it, didn't you?! Poor Ben. The things he has to go through for love.

It wasn’t the first time you’d ever said that to him, but somehow, this one cut into him worse than the last.

Ngl, I do feel bad for Ben here. I completely understand her, like totally. She is living with a man who's her boyfriend but she doesn't have any recollection of them. She can't remember fortheloveofgod how she ended up in this way. She is in pain constantly, her head spins a lot, she has bruises and broken bones, and she feels like hell. Poor girl. Not blaming her for this burst out. But I just feel bad for Ben. He's clearly our of his comfort zone here, like not even in the border of it, and hea trying, like really trying. But it's just not working, nothing is working for him atm. Poor guy, and ofc this outburst made him feel like shit and hurt him. Hopefully he won't let it phase him and the progress he has made.

You were starting to notice how he sometimes had to correct himself before he touched you, or forced himself to be deliberately slow when he helped you. 

Those must have been tough for him. Given that he had to not only control his temper, but has to be patient with her, and top of that, he has to keep in mind these things as well.

Your childhood had been no picnic. While you didn’t necessarily blame your mom (anymore) for staying with your father when you were a kid, you had never truly been a child. Your self-imposed job had been to protect your sister’s childhood, and sometimes, your mother too.

She really has been through a lot. Like a lot. And it's high time she gets taken care of as well. Such a universal mysterious way of making her take rest and Ben taking care of her. Roles revesered, I love it.

Part of you itched to take his hand, but you decided against it. You could admit, if only to yourself, that you were warming up to him.

Maybe you even liked him.

I was waiting for this to happen since the beginning. First time, she fell for Ben who was Soldier Boy, now she's falling for Ben, just a guy, who's in love with a girl, who forgot him.

Also, I love the 20 questions and OFC Ben HAD to go and talk about their sex life in explicit details. Typical him, but that kinda makes him adorable (please don't judge me, my mind melts away when it comes to Ben). I loved how he took her for a ride to jog her memories, he's really trying everything. Also, really liked that how you added the part of her loving Christmas. (I loved the Christmas mini series of these two.)

He grabbed your face, squeezed your neck until you choked on blood and spit.

She FINALLY remembers something. Too bad it's such a bad memory, likely the worst of them. BUT she remembered something and that's a HUGE progress. Poor girl, she's all freaked out from it. It's bound to happen, the memory did hit out of nowhere. But hopefully she'll start remembering the good things too, soon.

“It’s okay. I put it away,” he said.

That is SO thoughtful. And he's not even trying to impress her or anything. That came from a deep level of concern and care, just like him glaring and scolding the peepers.

He wiped the tears from your cheek and laid a kiss on your forehead. He held you that way for a while, just silence and the sound of your breathing covering the room. Eventually, the pain medication began to kick in, helping to ease your pounding skull.

Such a sweet and intimate moment. But so sad. She really wants him. She's fallen for him. And now she truly wants to remember. It's breaking herthat she can't. You can see the progress, she's now considering the blood transfusion from him. She's grown to trust him completely. He's reclaimed his place in her heart again, and by her side in their bed as well. And he'll hold her as long as she needs him to.

He took a chance, and he leaned down to meet you with a kiss. What first was a gentle touch, soon became heady as your hand slid up his arm and into his hair. He brought you flush against him and deepened the kiss, when his tongue swept past your lips and brushed against yours. You welcomed him in with a surprised moan.

They finally kissed. This is so sweet 🥺.

Ben was a light sleeper at best. He was startled awake in confusion, disturbed by how you had been tossing and turning and making sounds of distress. He turned toward you and moved his arm to make room for you, but he decided he would let you come to him this time.

I really liked how he didn't crowd her and let her make her own decision. Even tho they are in the bed together, and kissed, they weren't in the solid ground. Now they are. Her getting into his arms, thanking him, are showing how much she trusts him, how much she's accepted him, and how much she needs him.

This chapter was a perfect blend of sweet, fluff, angst and a teeny-tiny little spice. It showcased how much Ben has matured and grown in a couple of weeks. He has truly realized how much she means to him, and I'm sure he's had this internal dialogue of how much he's ready to do for her, to get her back, to get her well soon. Him taking care of her, without having cared for a single person in his entire life has changed him, for the better. When he mentioned in the car that being alone their whole life is something they have in common, it truly was hurtful... they were two lost souls who found each other. They became each other's person, and now she forgot them, which left Ben all alone, again. But the ending of this chapter has changed it, and there's definitely hope and happiness in the horizon for them.

Thanks for your lovely writing dear, always a pleasure.

💜💜💜

PS: sorry for such a long review, my thoughts have been a bit scattered lately.

Wake Me Up - Part 3

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Reader

Summary: A few weeks after you and Ben celebrate your first Christmas together, Ben is returning from another mission with the Supe Affairs team. When he discovers that you’ve been taken, he’ll do whatever it takes to find you. And then, to help you heal.

AN: Get ready for some angsty, but fun attempts at memory jogging. 😅

Song Inspo: “I Can Read Your Mind” by the Doobie Brothers.

Word Count: 4.3K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only for some...mature talk lol. Angst and hurt/comfort, fluff, PTSD, protective Ben, tinge of spice~

💚 Wake Me Up Masterlist || Break Me Down Masterlist

Part 3: “When You Hold Me”

Those first few days were the hardest ones.

Marie ran out of paid time off, which meant she had to go back to work. That left you alone with Ben during the day.

He was standing in the middle of the kitchen, arms crossed, and glaring at you after you’d just pushed away the bowl of bland instant oatmeal he’d “made” for you.

“We’re not gonna have this discussion again. You need to fucking eat,” he said. “I could feed you, though I promise you’re not gonna like it.”

His surly, frowning face was annoying you. His deep voice was annoying you. His tall, ridiculous wall-of-man body in your line of vision was annoying you, clothed in the rumpled shirt and sweatpants he’d slept in.  

Everything about him annoyed you right now.

But that could also have something to do with the pounding ache in the back of your skull, radiating forward and between your eyes.

“Bro, I’m on like, three kinds of medication,” you replied in weary irritation. “With what appetite do you expect me to eat?”

Bro? His eyebrow twitched. He saw the pain and tiredness written across your face though, and the way you were sitting hunched at the breakfast bar, arms crossed on the counter. He softened a little.

“Look, I get it,” he started to say.

“No, you don’t,” you snapped. Your eyes closed as the pain sharpened. You lifted your hands to either side of your temples. “You don’t know what this feels like.”

You huffed and dropped your hands flat on the counter in frustration. Your eyes opened, and you looked down at the various healing scars littering your arms. You knew there were a few more across your neck and chest, and even your thighs. No matter how you stood, sat, or laid, it was painful to move your body. Even your face still hurt, with the fracture and bruises.

“You’re not the one who looks like Edward Scissorhands had a party,” you said, gesturing at yourself as you glared up at Ben. Emotion began to rise in your throat. “Or for a reference you’ll actually understand, how about this: I’m the Bride of goddamn Frankenstein. A fucking patchwork quilt.”

Ben hardened again, even with the deep pit forming in his stomach.

“That’s enough—”

“And despite what little you, or my mom, Grace, Annie, or even the doctors have told me, I can’t even remember who did this to me or what the hell happened,” you said. Hot tears welled up in your eyes. You wiped at them furiously and turned your face away.

“So no, the indestructible supe doesn’t understand. You literally can’t!” You pushed away from the counter and did your best not to lose your balance when a wave of vertigo hit you.

Ben started toward you, but you held up a hand against him.

“Just leave me the hell alone,” you muttered.

It wasn’t the first time you’d ever said that to him, but somehow, this one cut into him worse than the last.

Over the next several weeks, you did begin to heal from your injuries. Your doctor even noted that you were healing better than she expected. Bruises faded, wounds slowly became scars, some of their stitches removed, and with the right topical medication, a couple of them began to disappear.

The memories remained—at least for Ben. Finding you in that dark, disgusting place, breaking your chains, seeing how thoroughly that piece of shit had worked you over…

It still made him angry at times. He’d broken a couple of mugs, and one near-empty beer bottle. (You’d only caught him once, though he’d given you some bullshit excuse as to why.)

Your memory, on the other hand, still didn’t return.

And you weren’t an easy patient. That episode in the kitchen wasn’t the first, nor was it the last. Often the pain made you crabby and irritable, whenever your medication wore off. The head injury was also causing vast mood swings that Ben could barely keep up with.

It was all he could do to stop himself from snapping back at you at times (and sometimes he failed). He wasn’t exactly Mr. Rogers.

Marie was the only buffer. At least, when she was home. On more than one occasion, she’d had to try and diffuse the tension.

She was working during the day though, which of course, left you with Ben.

You were prone to headaches and dizziness, so he was careful with you, more than he’d ever been. You were starting to notice how he sometimes had to correct himself before he touched you, or forced himself to be deliberately slow when he helped you. 

Your mom had also been doting on you, laying out your clothes, brushing your hair, trying her best to cook for the three of you in the evening. Apparently, she’d been taking lessons, though she still couldn’t cook for shit. Ben often suggested takeout, since he was also no “Betty fucking Crocker,” in his own words.

Still, it was a foreign feeling to be taken care of. It often left you unbalanced, even after your vertigo settled, or your headaches eased.

You considered it while you and Ben were channel surfing together from opposite ends of the couch in the living room. Your mom had just given you a blanket to cover your shoulders, before she went off to water your potted plants on the balcony for you. It was a Saturday, so she had the day off work.

You watched her go with a measure of disbelief.

“Look at Mother Theresa go,” you remarked. “You’d think they replaced my mom with one of the Stepford Wives.”

Ben snorted, because he actually knew the movie you were talking about. You’d forced him to watch it with you a few months ago, mostly to tease him.

“She’s never babied me this much in my life,” you said. “Not even when I was still old enough to be babied.”

Instead of commiserating with you, Ben just sighed, shaking his head a little. He glanced away from the History Channel on the screen to shoot you a glance.

“Maybe you should cut your mom some fucking slack,” he said. “She’s doing a hell of a lot for you. Even more than I am.”

You raised a brow at him. While you had a feeling that wasn’t so easy for him to admit, something about his words annoyed you.

“You clearly don’t know her like I do,” you said.

Your childhood had been no picnic. While you didn’t necessarily blame your mom (anymore) for staying with your father when you were a kid, you had never truly been a child. Your self-imposed job had been to protect your sister’s childhood, and sometimes, your mother too.

Ben gave you a more direct look.

“I know plenty,” he said.

And in his eyes, you saw that he did know something. Perhaps too much. You gathered the throw blanket closer around your body and sank further into your side of the couch.

The last thing you wanted to talk about was your messed up childhood, let alone your father. You couldn’t even remember his death, though Marie told you that you had been there. And so had Ben.

You snuck a look at him while his attention had returned to the TV. He’d settled on Ice Road Truckers. You weren’t impressed.

“Ugh. Can we watch something else?” you asked. “Something funny maybe, like How I Met Your Mother?”

Ben shot you a look. “Sounds like a chick show.”

“Not true! It has universal appeal,” you argued. Slowly you raised yourself from your corner of the couch, grimacing just a bit as it disturbed the delicate equilibrium of your still-fractured skull. It was healing, but that, of course, would take the most time. Your headaches would turn into migraines if you weren’t careful.

Ben knew that full well as he watched you move towards him across the couch. He couldn’t help but reach out a hand to steady you by your arm. You gifted him with a smile and grabbed onto him.

“Please?” you implored.

Ben tried to remain unaffected, but that smile of yours was endearing. Plus, it wasn’t often that you willingly reached out to him, touched him.

“I’ll do you one better,” he said, turning off the TV with the remote. You gave him a curious look. He turned to you with a smile. “Let’s go for a ride.”

Of course this man would have a Benz, you thought. The car was black and sleek with beige interior, and it was both comfortable and decked out with all the modern bells and whistles.

You wondered if he knew what half of these buttons did as you gazed across the dashboard, but the path of your eyes continued until you settled on the man himself. Ben was casually dressed in a burgundy sweater and dark brown slacks, a silver Rolex on his wrist. He had one hand casually on the wheel and the other resting in his lap.

Part of you itched to take his hand, but you decided against it. You could admit, if only to yourself, that you were warming up to him.

Maybe you even liked him.

You knew you didn’t always make it easy, but he had been as patient and gentle as he could be with you, for a man who clearly wasn’t used to being either for anyone.

Despite his gruff exterior, however, you knew he had to care about you to put up with all this. It made you more willing to trust him…and even more curious about him.

“What’s my favorite color?” you asked.

Ben gave you a furrowed look. “What?”

You crossed your arms over your blouse.

“We’ve supposedly been together for a year,” you reasoned. “You should know what my favorite color is.”

He shook his head in disbelief.

“Come on,” you nudged his arm, trying to get him to smile. You succeeded, just a little.

“I don’t know…blue,” he guessed. Your mouth fell open in shock.

“How do you not know my favorite color’s red?” you said. “That’s the most basic thing ever.”

“What are you, five years old? Who fucking cares?” he said, rolling his eyes.

“I do!” you said. “Well, fine, Mr. Grump. When’s my birthday?”

With another shake of his head, he did correctly answer that question, at least.

“What’s my favorite food?” you asked.

“What’s with the goddamn quiz?” he retorted.

“I’m seeing how well you actually know me,” you countered. “Come on. Impress me.”

Ben slowed to a stop at a busy intersection. He’d been trying to jog your memory by passing certain landmarks he thought you might recognize, like the grocery store you two always shopped at, or the park where you liked to go for walks. So far, you seemed disinterested in the sights and more interested in grilling him.

Despite his longsuffering sigh, he had to wrack his brain in order to come up with something for you.

“The Beatles are your favorite band. Specifically the Abbey Road album,” he said. 

That didn’t exactly answer your earlier question, but…he wasn’t wrong. 

“Okay, you get a point there,” you said.

“And you fucking love Christmas,” he said, somehow with both annoyance and fondness. “Tacky as hell, with the…the ribbons, and the red flowers, and the jingle balls, and whatever the fuck else you can get your hands on. You love that shit. Because when you were a kid, that was the only time of the year your family got any peace.”

You were smiling at his description, but you sobered when he got to that last bit. Ben met your gaze. 

“I know that you’ve had three boyfriends before me,” he said. Then, a smirk grew across his face. “But I’m the only one who’s made you come. Every time. Like a goddamn faucet.”

You gaped as your face grew red with a hot blush. “Excuse me—”

“You claim to like getting taken from behind the best. And you do. You’re all too happy to get bent in half for me. Hair pulling, ass-slapping, the whole sticky nine yards,” he continued, with an even fonder gleam of memory in his eyes. His hands caressed the leather wheel of his car, long fingers flexing.

“But you actually like it better when you can see my face, watch me work. I don’t blame you,” he added, smiling. “I mean, if there was an Oscar for laying it the fuck down, I would’ve taken that shit year after year. Would’ve beat out Bert Reynolds by a fucking landslide.”

You thought you were about to combust, whether from indignation, or straight up embarrassment, you didn’t know. (And you were going to ignore the little tremble of heat between your legs.)

But just as you were about to blow your top, figuratively speaking, Ben’s expression became more serious when his gaze returned to you.

“I know that you’ve had to take care of yourself. And that you’ve been alone all your life,” he said. Then a slight pause, before his attention went back to the road. “That’s something you and I have in common.”

The light turned green. Your anger and embarrassment settled, somewhat, into contemplation. You didn’t know what to make of this man.

He was infuriating, with all kinds of audacity. He was crass, and at times, he grated on your very last nerve.

But somehow, he knew you. He seemed to know the parts of you that you didn’t even want to know.

Sensing your angry gaze on the side of his face, he turned to you with a devil-may-care grin.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“Ben, I’m not dressed for this,” you said, leaning in close to whisper to him.

He’d taken you to a nice steakhouse for dinner, on the even more affluent side of town. You still couldn’t believe you’d moved out of New York City to Scarsdale, of all places.

Ben wrapped an arm around your waist and guided you closer, enough for you to feel his body heat.

“You’re just right,” he looked down on you with a teasing wink. It made you blush, despite yourself, with a small smile.

You went with him to a secluded booth in the back, by his request with the hostess. They seemed to know him, so maybe he was a regular. Or more likely, both of you were regulars. This place was only vaguely familiar, but when you saw the menu, you knew you were going to get the salmon.

Ben snorted when you said so.

“Yeah, that’s what you always get,” he said.

He smiled though—at the fact that this little outing was helping you make progress after all.

He didn’t need the menu either. He always ordered the dry-aged porterhouse steak. You couldn’t drink on the medication you were on, but he ordered a glass of bourbon for himself.

When the meal eventually came out, you glanced at his enormous plate with wide eyes. That had to be the biggest damn steak you’d ever seen, along with a huge loaded baked potato and a side of broccoli. You doubted the greens would do all that much for him, nutrition-wise. 

“Whoa. Did they cut up a stegosaurus back there?” you quipped.

Ben chuckled. He’d actually missed your sense of humor, no matter how dumb it was sometimes. He unwrapped the steak knife they gave him from his napkin and started to carve a big piece.

You raised your brows, but shifted your attention to your fish and mashed potatoes. It was delicious. Like melt-in-your-mouth good, and you weren’t sure fish was supposed to be “melty.” No wonder you two liked coming here.

But then, your thoughts were entirely derailed.

Hearing the sound of his knife hitting the plate, carving into the meat—it struck a discordant note in your mind. You looked over, and the sharp, silvery gleam of it caused a vision to flash across your eyes…

Of a blade sliding against your skin, over and over. Along with questions. The same questions being asked of you, over and over.

You can’t. You can’t. You can’t.

“Tell me!” a man demanded. “Give me something.”

He grabbed your face, squeezed your neck until you choked on blood and spit.

“Hey!” a more familiar voice cut through it all. “Come on, sweetheart. Answer me.”

You blinked and caught yourself mid-gasp, staring into the deep green of Ben’s eyes.

Your head was resting on his shoulder, his hand pressed to the side of your cheek, which stung slightly, as if he’d had to try and wake you. His arm was wrapped around your waist in the booth.

He was gentle in sliding your hair away from your face, but his own was hard and almost angry, as his brows were knitted together. His gaze then traveled across the room, and you realized that there were other people in the restaurant now watching you and Ben. Even the servers stopped what they were doing at the sound of his shout.

He gave them all a pointed glare.

“What? Nothing to fucking see here,” he snapped. Most of them were wise enough to turn away, back to their meals and conversation. Ben focused on you as you caught your breath. You were finally able to support yourself, though you stayed leaning on his shoulder. He wasn’t about to let you go either, until he got some answers.

“What the hell happened?” he asked. You frowned at his gruff tone, until you met his eyes. Somehow, you could see that there was worry there.

You glanced down, and you closed your eyes when you saw it. You pressed your face into his arm to steady yourself.

“The uh…the knife,” you whispered. “It made me see something…remember something.”

“What did you remember?” he asked quickly. You sucked in a shuddering breath, squeezing your eyes shut tighter.

“Nothing good,” you whispered.

You felt him pause. You heard the shuffle of silverware, a thump on the table. Then his hand came up and cupped your cheek.

“It’s okay. I put it away,” he said.

Tears burned behind your eyelids, and you buried your face harder against his chest. At this point, it wasn’t just about seeing the knife. It was knowing that whatever had happened to you, it had truly been hell. Unlike anything you’d ever been through before.

“You want to go home?” came Ben’s voice, deep and steady in your ear.

You sniffed and nodded, as your tears seeped into the fabric of his sweater. He rubbed your back, holding you more securely.

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s go.”

Unfortunately, the episode at the restaurant led you to a migraine. Ben carried you to the master bedroom and laid you down, helped you undress down to your underwear, and gave you a shirt you liked to sleep in. He turned all the lights off and made sure the curtains were closed tight.

Marie brought you your pain medication with a glass of water. Ben hoped there was enough in your stomach that the pills wouldn’t make you nauseous as well, like they occasionally did.

After you took the meds, you curled up on the bed and closed your eyes tightly, trying not to whimper like a child. You’d dealt with pain before; that was nothing new. But this was getting ridiculous. 

Ben gave Marie a certain look. “I’ve got it from here.”

She gazed at you with sympathetic tears in her eyes, but she nodded and touched his arm.

“If you need anything, just call for me,” she whispered.

Ben nodded, but he closed the door behind her and began by taking off his watch, then his shoes, pants, and sweater. He changed into a pair of sweatpants and a loose shirt.

You were too busy hugging your pillow and pressing your face into it. You didn’t realize he was still with you until the bed dipped behind you.

Ben turned you around and gathered you into his arms. You inhaled sharply, but then you clung to him. His chest and middle were warm, a bit unnaturally so.

“You’re hot,” you muttered, splaying a hand against his chest. “Like a radiator.”

Ben quirked a smile. “Yeah, you tend to complain about that.”

You shook your head and pressed yourself closer to him. “Not today.”

He wiped the tears from your cheek and laid a kiss on your forehead. He held you that way for a while, just silence and the sound of your breathing covering the room. Eventually, the pain medication began to kick in, helping to ease your pounding skull.

You pulled back enough to see Ben’s face. He was still awake, but he opened his eyes and met yours in the dim light. You reached up and touched his bearded cheek, hesitantly.

“Why can’t I remember?” you asked, in a broken voice.

Ben’s brows furrowed. He curled his hand around yours and let out a breath.

“I don’t know,” he said, but all he wanted was for this to be over.

“I could take this from you,” he said. “What’s the big fucking deal about a blood transfusion?”

Your fingers stilled against his cheek. Your tearful eyes averted from his, but you weren’t as opposed to the idea as you were before.

“The last time, it healed me?” you asked.

“Within the hour,” he said. His hand tightened a fraction on yours. “It’ll be like it never happened. And your memories could even come back.”

You sighed, briefly closing your eyes. Your hand fell from his cheek, but you nodded.

“Okay. I’ll think about it,” you said.

Ben’s frown remained, but at least it was a step in the right direction. He took your chin and slowly tilted your face up to his. You stared up at him with shining eyes. He didn’t like the pain he still saw there, but he did like the way you glanced down at his lips.

He took a chance, and he leaned down to meet you with a kiss. What first was a gentle touch, soon became heady as your hand slid up his arm and into his hair. He brought you flush against him and deepened the kiss, when his tongue swept past your lips and brushed against yours. You welcomed him in with a surprised moan.

He hadn’t tasted you in so damn long, it was like indulging a craving he’d been denying himself. It was even harder to slow down and ease away from your lips.

You rested your forehead against his chest afterward.

“Wow,” you breathed. “Okay.”  

Ben chuckled. But unlike the movies, a kiss didn’t break the spell. You were his, but not completely. 

He wanted nothing more than to show you how much you could be…but your body was still weak. He would have to continue protecting you, even from himself. 

“I want to stay here tonight,” he said. 

Despite his earlier thoughts, he didn’t think he could take one more night of not being with you in this bed. He could control himself. He just wanted to make sure you were all right, and safe with him.

It took you a moment to decide, but you nodded. 

“You can stay,” you agreed, with a more teasing smile. “I don’t think your old man back can handle the couch anymore.”

He snorted in amusement. There was some more of your sense of humor peeking through. 

Meanwhile, you still weren’t totally convinced that him sleeping in the bed with you was a good idea. A good part of you craved his nearness, and how he made you feel safe…but you also weren’t sure if you were ready to continue being so vulnerable with him. 

Just when you were about to put some distance here between you and tell him to stay on his side, Ben rolled you back around so that your back was pressed to his chest. He slid a warm, strong arm around your waist. His lips pressed to your bare shoulder. The sleep shirt you wore (one of his old shirts) had ridden down your arm.

“Just relax,” he said. “I’ve got you.”

And you actually believed it.

You felt comfortable and secure in his embrace. Soon enough, you relaxed into him.

Sleep wasn’t easy, but you got there in time. It even lasted for a while.

Just not long enough.

In your dreams, there were flashes of things that didn’t make sense. They were jumbled together like white noise on a TV, occasionally screeching with color, and mostly red with blood.

You woke up shaking and sweating.

Ben was a light sleeper at best. He was startled awake in confusion, disturbed by how you had been tossing and turning and making sounds of distress. He turned toward you and moved his arm to make room for you, but he decided he would let you come to him this time.

You didn’t disappoint him. You reached for him and buried your face in the crook of his neck for a while, trying to ground yourself in him. He held you and rubbed your back until you calmed down.

When you pulled away slightly, and spoke his name in the dark, Ben looked into your eyes. For a moment, he could’ve sworn you were there. The real you.

“Thanks for staying with me,” you whispered.

Ben was disappointed. This wasn’t you remembering. But at least, this was you being you, thanking a man like him.

He just nodded and guided you back into his arms. You let him hold you for the rest of the night. 

AN: So close, but yet so far. 🥲

But just wait for the last part...

Next Time:

You brushed your fingers over that picture in wonder. You didn’t remember that day, even though you were sure you must have been there…

It was so odd to see so much of your life in pictures, yet it was all still so fuzzy, or entirely blank in your mind.

You paused, blushing once again when you saw the picture of you getting out of the shower with the towel barely wrapped around your body. Why the hell would this be in a photo album?

You quickly moved on. Though you stopped next at a picture of you and Ben in what looked like a dark nightclub. The way he was holding you, looking at you like he was ready to devour you, and the way you were looking up at him, with a smile that said he’d better damn well try…

It made a sharp pain lance behind your eyes.

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Break Me Down Masterlist

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Main Masterlist

BMD/Series Tag List (Part 1):

@deans-spinster-witch @this-is-me19 @waynes-multiverse @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @spalady26

@spnwoman @syrma-sensei @wirdbeimaufhebengebunden @muhahaha303 @123passwort

@mrsjenniferwinchester @lyarr24 @xoxovienna @lollag0w0 @globetrotter28

@nancymcl @ashbatz @secretdreamlandmentality @kristophalis @wonderland2022

@emily-winchester @shelh93 @sl33pylilbunny @spoonmynoodle @chernayawidow

@buckybarnes-1917 @asgardprincess97 @sometimes-i-sing @itsyellow @theonlymaninthesky

@kimberleymjw @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @iamsapphine @sanscas @se-fucking-hun

@lassie-bird @jessjad @yepimthatperson @fromcaintodean @stoneyggirl2

@spnfamily-j2 @im-a-slut-for-fluff @lacilou @venicesem @mimaria420

@tearsfortheyouth @agalliasi @chriszgirl92 @kazsrm67 @deansbbyx

[cocobeanncteez]

ATEEZ San- Confessions (oneshot)

Genre: Angst, fluff, suggestive, high school au, enemies to lovers au.

Pairing: San x Reader (fem)

Warnings: profanities, alcohol.

On a scale of one to ten, you'd rate your life at your prestigious boarding school a nine.

You loved KQ Academy: a boarding school for the rich, spoiled brats of the country. The teachers were highly experienced and the other staff were really nice. The cafeteria food was great and the vending machines always had your favorite drinks. The bathrooms were clean and the classrooms, laboratories, and other activity rooms were large and spacious. There were three different sports fields, a large swimming pool, and a large athletics field. The dormitories were also really comfortable and overall impressive. Basically, your school was lit.

So why did you rate your great life here a nine? Two words: Choi San.

San was the only person here who got on your nerves. Not only was he a rich, spoiled brat, but he was also the most popular guy at school and the captain of the volleyball team. His pretty face screamed of nothing but trouble... for you.

You don't understand why San doesn't like you; ever since he joined your school in ninth grade, you both never got along despite being in the same friend group. Your friends tried their best to make you both decently talk to each other, but they gave up eventually when it clearly wasn't working; you both always argued about the smallest, stupidest things.

"Should I get another piercing?" Hongjoong asked, opening his strawberry yogurt.

"Where?" Yunho questioned. "Please, not on your ear! Let the poor thing breathe!" You chuckled, glancing at the many piercings on your twin brother's ears.

"I swear Hongjoong hyung is a masochist," Yeosang stated, making Mingi and Wooyoung burst out laughing.

"And he likes exhibitionism," Seonghwa said. Hongjoong rolled his eyes, quietly eating his yogurt; he was used to everyone teasing him.

"Hey guys!" you heard Choi San greet before he took his usual seat beside Wooyoung. You glanced at him, immediately noticing his disheveled hair and swollen lips.

"Oh god, San, who was it now?" Eunhee, Hongjoong's girlfriend, questioned.

"Na Yuri," San said with a smirk. "She took me behind the auditorium. There were no cameras there." You heard Jiwoo mumble a 'not surprise' from beside you, making you chuckle.

"And you managed to get off in less than five minutes?" Wooyoung asked, raising an eyebrow.

San fake gasped in shock. "What! Wooyoung, you know I don't fuck these girls. I've only made out with them."

"What, really?" Jongho asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I haven't slept with anyone other than my ex, Jina," San said, taking a bite of Yeosang's ice cream sandwich, earning a glare from the boy. You were quite surprised at this new information; the entire school thought San fucked a new chick every week. You wondered why he never said anything about it despite all the false claims.

"Y/N," you heard someone call you, catching all your friends' attention. You saw Kim Yonghee approach you with the sweetest smile on his face. He handed you your notebook that you had given him two days ago. "Thank you so much. Your notes really helped."

"You aced your test?"

He smirked. "Of course." He opened his mouth to say something, but one of his friends called him for football practice. "Well, I'll see you in math," he said with a wink before walking away.

"Oh, someone's blushing!" Eunhee teased.

Yunho chuckled. "Wow, Y/N, I wonder what's got you all pink."

"Yonghee is so fucking cute! I kinda want to date him," you squealed, earning a scoff from an unamused San. Yeosang raised an eyebrow at San who only shrugged. "Do you have an issue, San?" you asked, annoyed by his reaction.

"No, why would I?"

"Well, your reaction doesn't seem like it."

"Why would I care about you and that piece of shit?" he spat, looking away.

"You don't even know him!" your voice was raising.

"Here we go again," Yeosang muttered under his breath.

San glared at you. "As if you know about the way he screws around with—"

"So what? I'd rather be with someone like him than with someone like you," you stated in a cold tone. San's face fell, but he immediately put his pokerface on.

Seonghwa sighed. "Can you two stop fighting for once?"

"It's his fault," you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

"No, it's yours," San retorted. "You could've ignored me."

You were about to say something, but the bell rang. You glared at San before dragging Wooyoung and Mingi with you to your next class.

A month later, you ended up in an FWB relationship with Kim Yonghee. So far, things were going really well.

You were at Seonghwa and Hongjoong's dorm with everyone. You noticed how San has been really quiet and sulky these past few days. Despite always arguing with him, you felt worried for him. You wanted to ask him if he was all right, but you knew he'd just roll his eyes or make a sarcastic comment.

You nudged Yunho who was sitting beside you. "Is San all right?" you whispered in his ear.

Yunho shook his head. "No, he's not okay. I don't know what happened, and he said he doesn't want to talk about it." You nodded, but you felt like Yunho was lying to you.

"Y/N, how are things going on between you and Yonghee?" Mingi asked.

"Good," you answered with a smile. "He's an absolute gentleman."

"Yeah, I could tell from last night," Eunhee teased, making you choke on nothing in particular, wondering how she found out about you sneaking Yonghee into your suite style dorm. "You're not as sneaky as you think you are, Y/N."

San slammed his can of sprite on the table, startling a few of you. "Sorry, I'm a little tired," he mumbled. "Yunho, I'm going to our room. I'll see you all tomorrow." You noticed Wooyoung and Seonghwa share a glance before Seonghwa nodded.

"I'm heading back as well. Good night guys," Seonghwa said, quickly getting up and following San. There was clearly something up with San and you really wanted to find out.

-

While you were having lunch with your friends, Yonghee came to your table. He kissed you gently, earning an 'aww' from Eunhee and Jiwoo.

"Hey, hey, hey, no kissing in front of her older brother," Hongjoong said sternly. You rolled your eyes; he was only older by eight minutes.

"Sorry, man," Yonghee chuckled. "Here," he handed you a few sheets. "Seunghun told me to give this to you. It's his part of the assignment you both are working on. He said you can arrange it however you'd like."

"Ah, tell him I said thanks," you said.

"Will do, doll." he kissed your head before leaving.

San witnessed the entire scene and he lost his appetite. He pushed his food around with his spoon, feeling heartbroken.

"Step up your game, bro," Mingi said to San in a low tone so that the others couldn't hear.

"What do you mean?" San questioned.

Mingi rolled his eyes. "We all know you like Y/N. Don't give her up easily."

"Well, she likes Yonghee."

"They're only friends with benefits," Hongjoong said, joining the conversation. "They're just fooling around. I know it might seem like she has feelings for him, but trust me, she doesn't."

San bit his lip anxiously. "But she hates me."

Hongjoong rolled his eyes. "I know my sister well enough to say that she doesn't hate you, Sannie. In fact, she was really hurt 'cause she thinks you hate her. You both should really stop fighting and assuming shit."

"She doesn't hate me?" San asked in surprise.

"No, she doesn't, you idiot," Mingi muttered with a sigh. "Now step up your game, San, before someone else sweeps her off her feet."

You were watching the volleyball team practice for an upcoming inter-school match. San and Yeosang were on the team, so your entire group was here as well, watching them practice 'cause there was nothing else to do.

You had to admit, San was a great captain. He was so sweet to them and hyped them up every time they did well. It was even more fascinating to watch him play. When the team decided to take a break, he approached you, taking his water bottle from where you were sitting.

You couldn't help but check him out in the team uniform. The blue tank top and shorts exposed the muscles on his arms and thighs. He titled his head back, pouring the water into his mouth. You watched his Adam's apple bob with every gulp, and the way a few drops of water rolled down his lips and chin. His jawline looked sharper, and you saw a bead of sweat travelling down the side of his face. San looked undeniably attractive, especially with his new eyebrow piercing and dyed black hair; he already looked so good with his previous brown hair, and now he looked irresistible.

"Y/N, I asked you something," San said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry, what were you saying?" you hoped he didn't notice you checking him out. San and you have surprisingly not had any fights recently, and he wasn't making any comments to piss you off either. You wondered why he suddenly changed his behavior towards you after years of getting on your nerves.

He smirked, pointing to his little red bag. "Could you open my bag and give me the green towel?" You did as he said, unkowingly blushing. San noticed everything, but he didn't say anything about it yet. He wiped the sweat off his face with the towel, suddenly leaning in close to your face. Your eyes darted between his eyes and his lips, and your heartbeat sped up. San reached behind you to take his bag, shoving the towel and his water bottle inside. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, mentally reminding yourself to get your shit together. You glanced at your friends, relieved that they were too busy talking to notice the little scene between you and San; you knew they would tease the shit out of you if they saw what happened.

"Y/N," Yeosang called out. "You're coming for the party tomorrow night, no?"

"Of course," you said, a little confused as to why he suddenly asked. "Jiwoo would kill me if I missed it."

Jiwoo turned her head at the mention of her name. "Damn right, I would," she said with a nod.

Yeosang smirked. "You're coming in my car."

-

"I have to sit on San's lap?!" you half-yelled at Yeosang.

"Yeah, Yunho is sitting in the front with the Pegasus glass figurine he got for Jiwoo. The painting I got is in the backseat, and our bags are in the trunk. So you don't have a choice."

You bit your lip. "Fine."

You waited outside the car until San and Yunho came from their dorm. You wondered why San wasn't surprised when you told him you had to sit on his lap, but you brushed it off, assuming Yeosang would've told him earlier.

San was dressed in all black: ripped jeans, a leather jacket and a black t-shirt underneath it. You sat on his lap, closing the car door. He looked irresistible and his Chanel perfume made him smell so good, you didn't know how you'd survive the half an hour long car ride to Jiwoo's mansion without him noticing you inhaling his scent like air.

San gently wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him so that you could sit comfortably. Yeosang started driving and you hoped time would go really fast.

Unfortunately, time seemed to be going really slow for you.

San pushed your hair to one side, making you lean back a little so that your back was pressed against his chest. "Sit comfortably, I don't bite," he whispered in your ear.

Yunho was talking about something, but you paid no attention. The only thing you could focus on was San's beautiful voice and laughs while you blankly stared out the window.

San noticed you weren't paying attention. He leaned forward a little, his lips coming in contact with the bare skin of your shoulder, making goosebumps arise on your skin. "Are you cold?" San teased when he saw the goosebumps on your bare thighs; you cursed yourself for wearing a short off-shoulder dress.

"Yeah, I am," you lied. San rubbed his palms together before placing them on your thighs. You gasped softly at his warm touch. He gently rubbed your thighs, trying to warm you up like as if he didn't know why you got goosebumps in the first place.

"We're here, guys," Yeosang announced, pulling up into Jiwoo's mansion that was lit up with a lot of LED lights.

You quickly got out of the car once Yeosang parked, running to hug Jiwoo.

"Happy eighteenth, Jiwoo!"

She chuckled. "Thank you, Y/N!"

"I can't wait to see you drunk!" you said with a giggle, excited that your friend could finally drink. She playfully rolled her eyes, dragging you inside to where half your school was while she told you which room you would be staying in. You were sure there were nearly two hundred people here, but you weren't surprised; Jiwoo's birthday parties were always like this.

"By the way, you're sharing a room with San tonight," Jiwoo said.

Your eyes widened. "What?! Why? Wasn't I supposed to be sleeping in your room?"

"Yeah," she said. "But, um... Yunho might be there and I don't think you'd want to witness us—"

"Okay, okay!" you half-yelled. "Why can't I sleep in Eunhee's room?"

"Ask Hongjoong if he's willing to switch with you," she chuckled and you groaned, knowing very well your twin brother would rather sleep next to his girlfriend than next to his friend.

But maybe he would agree? After all, he's quite protective of you and he wouldn't let you sleep next to a guy.

"Absolutely not," Hongjoong replied when you asked him to switch places with you.

"Joong! How can you let your baby sister sleep with a guy?" you whined.

He shrugged. "I trust San more than any other guy here. Besides, I need some privacy with my girl, you know? The dorms aren't a very great place to—"

You slammed your palm over his mouth, shutting him up. "I get it! I'll just deal with it."

You walked over to the bar, getting a whiskey and coke. You didn't have an issue with sleeping next to San; you just didn't know how you'd control yourself around him, especially after what happened hardly an hour ago.

After Jiwoo cut her huge birthday cake and popped a bottle of Champagne, some people from your grade sat down in one of the rooms to play truth or dare. Wooyoung and Mingi literally begged you to play and of course, you couldn't refuse.

"All right, I'm gonna spin it," Jongho said, spinning an empty beer bottle. It landed on Yeosang. "Truth or dare, hyung?" Jongho asked.

"Truth," he answered.

"I got one!" Seonghwa said, turning to smirk at Yeosang. "Do you like a certain Japanese girl who's in your economics class?" You chuckled, glancing at the Japanese girl who was sitting right across Yeosang.

Yeosang smirked. "Of course I like my girlfriend." Your jaw dropped and so did many other's. You glanced at Mayumi who was clearly blushing; she reminded you so much of Yeosang.

"Kang Yeosang! You sly shit!" Wooyoung yelled, playfully tackling his friend to the ground.

"I knew something was happening between them!" Hongjoong stated with a laugh, making Mayumi turn pinker than she already was.

After a few more rounds, some people left, making the circle of people smaller. Eunhee spun the bottle and it landed on herself.

"Truth or dare?" Mingi asked.

"Truth."

"Is Hongjoong hyung a dom or a sub?" Mingi asked with a smirk.

"Both, but mostly a dom," she answered, unbothered.

"I'm not even surprised," Wooyoung said before spinning the bottle. It landed on you.

"Truth or dare, Y/N?" Wooyoung asked, a smile dancing on his lips.

"I'll go with dare."

Wooyoung grinned mischievously. "I dare you to . . . give San a hickey." You choked on nothing in particular.

"In front of you all?"

"Obviously not!" Hongjoong said in disgust. "I'd rather not witness that."

Your friends cheered for you when you got up and dragged San along with you to the room you both had to share tonight. Your heart raced with every step you took, and when he closed the door, the only sound you could hear was your pounding heartbeat.

San removed his shoes before sitting on the middle of the bed. You took off your heels, getting on the bed as well.

"Where do you want it?" you asked, avoiding eye-contact.

"Below my collarbone or here," he pointed to an area of the left side of his neck. You decided to give it on his neck because you've never given a collarbone hickey, so you didn't want to screw it up and embarrass yourself in front of the man who was currently driving you crazy.

San sat against the headboard of the bed, letting you straddle his lap. You placed a hand at his nape and the other at his shoulder, leaning in to place your lips on his neck. You gently brushed your lips against his skin before kissing around the area for a while. Your hand at his nape moved into his hair, tugging on it. San groaned softly, hands gripping your waist while he tilted his head to give you more access. You started to suck on his skin, making sure you bit him gently and gave him a few little licks. San's hands pushed you down on his growing bulge, making you moan against his skin. You pulled away from his neck, eyes instantly locking with his. You glanced between his eyes and his lips, unknowingly biting your own. San freed your bottom lip with his thumb, running it over your lip.

"I'd like to bite that lip," San said in a low tone. You couldn't control yourself anymore. You crashed your lips onto his and he responded just as eagerly as you. San took your bottom lip in between his teeth, gently pulling and biting on it, making you moan. He smirked, pulling away. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this."

"Don't you hate me?" you asked, shocked by his little confession.

San flipped you onto your back, hovering over you. He pressed his bulge against you. "What do you think?" he whispered, making you blush. "Y/N, you drive me absolutely crazy. I've liked you ever since ninth grade." Your eyes widened; he has liked you ever since he joined your school?!

"But— Then why were you always fighting with me?" you couldn't help but ask, even though right now wasn't a very... appropriate time.

"Remember how I was back then? I was so nerdy and you liked guys who were the complete opposite of that," he said, cupping your cheek. "No matter how hard I tried to get you to like someone like me, it just never worked. You always liked seniors and dated playboys. And then when I started screwing around, you still didn't like me. I guess... I guess that's why I fought with you a lot and it got worse over the years."

"San, you were perfect," you murmured. "I always thought you were way too good for me, that's why I never really bothered." you ran your hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for making you change yourself..."

San shook his head, lying beside you on the bed. "It's not your fault. I was fifteen and stupid, Y/N. Besides, I'm used to being like this now." You bit your lip, not knowing what to say. "Y/N, I hated seeing you with Yonghee. I know you guys aren't dating, but the thought of you with him or with anyone else... I really hate it," he looked like he wanted to say something, but he was hesitating a lot. You cupped his cheek, giving him an encouraging smile.

San took a deep breath. "Um, Y/N, do you... feel the same way about me?" You immediately kissed him as an answer, making him blush and sigh in relief.

"Well, my dare is complete," you murmured, fingers running over the hickey you had given him. You leaned in, placing a soft kiss on it. "How about we continue from where we left off?" you whispered in his ear.

San smirked, pulling you close to his body by your waist. "Mhmm, I'd like that."

[voliyu]

HI3 Spoilers!!!

Translation of Seele ,Bronya and Kiana parts 23-1

After Seele training, Bronya and Seele go to the cafeteria 

Seele: I'm sorry, Bronya, it's all because of me that we're late... 

Bronya: It's okay, we're on time. This is a good time for fewer people. 

Seele: Well, that's true! There seems to be no one left. Huh? Is that ...? 

Bronya: Kiana? 

Seele: Excuse me, can we sit with you? 

Kiana: Huh? 

Kiana: It's you guys. Of course, there's no one here. 

Bronya: Kiana, is that all the food you have today? 

Kiana: Haha, I have no appetite today. I'm not usually like this, don't worry.  Did you just finish training?

Bronya: Hey, Bronya's just teaching Seele some combat skills. 

Seele: This is the first time I have dinner with Miss Kiana.  I have known you for so long, but I haven't got to speak with you much.

Kiana: Just call me Kiana, and I'll call you Seele, is that okay?

Seele: Of course you can! That's what everyone called me.  Hehe, I feel like we'll become closer by calling each other names.

Seele: Speaking of this, I have never met Kiana in the cafeteria before, is it because our lunch schedule is different?

Kiana: Ah, well, I usually come at this time.

Seele: (So...Did she deliberately avoid the rush hour? Or is the training too hard...)

Bronya: Kiana, how's the class monitor situations now?

Kiana: Still no trace of the Herrscher of Sentience was found, and she said she would keep tracking.

Bronya: Since that time, no one has ever heard of Herrscher of Sentience, nor has she ever appeared again. Shickcal also has no clue of her.

Kiana: Shickcal? Can Otto's words be trusted?

Bronya: When Herrscher of Sentience appeared Otto went missing. It is said that Durandal is now acting as the commander of the Valkyrie Troop.

Bronya: In this situation, AE and Shickcal reached an understanding, the two sides temporarily became allied, and conducted a minimum exchange of information.

Bronya: All we can do at the moment is to deal with the recent frequent honkai activities.

Bronya: Principal Theresa acts as a mentor to Rosaliya and Liliya, and takes them to learn combat in the battlefield.

Bronya: Although the twins were enthusiastic, they were difficult to discipline, and the Principal had a terrible headache.

Kiana: Haha, I feel like seeing us in the past. Aunt Teri always said that she was not good at educating children, but in fact, she was very professional.

Seele: (Sign, I can't find anything to talk with them…)

Veliona: (isn't that natural? You're not one of them. )

Seele: (But they take good care of me. I can't talk because I don't understand what they are talking about.)

Seele: (As long as I work hard to get to know them more, I will definitely become good friends with more people!)

Veliona: (.....)

Bronya: By the way, Kiana, are you going to Yanhu city tomorrow?

Kiana: Yeah. Recently, I have received several reports of mecha losing control for no reason. I'll go to check the situation.

Bronya: That's good. Seele will also go to Yanhu City tomorrow. You can go together.

Seele: …..Eh?

Kiana: Okay, then I'll go back and get ready. I'll see you tomorrow, Seele.

Seele: Ah, see you tomorrow!

Kiana walked away.

Seele: Could it be that this is what Bronya wanted to ask for my help?

Bronya: Seele's really sharp. I'm sorry I made the decision without your permission.

Seele: It's nothing, I'm very happy to be able to go out with Kiana.

Bronya: It is also because of this that Bronya asked Seele to accompany Kiana to relax.

Seele: Me? But Bronya and Kiana have been together longer and knew each other more than me?

Bronya: It's because we knew each other too well that some words cannot be said.

Seele: Huh?

Bronya: In the beginning, Kiana came to eat with us.  But at the same time, there were many Anti-Entropy employees who came to the cafeteria. When they saw Kiana... they expressed concern.

Bronya: The tables near Kiana were always empty, even if Dr. Einstein tooks the initiative to sit next to her.

Seele: But ... Kiana could control herself, and she was trying very hard to protect everyone …

Bronya: We all know these things.  But for ordinary people, fear and worry are not emotions that can be easily overcome--this kind of situation will sooner or later be encountered.

Bronya: So Kiana didn't defend herself, but chose to give in and avoid many people.

Bronya: Of course she doesn't care about the eyes of others, but she doesn't want to add more things to the situation.

Seele: No wonder Bronya interrupted me just now because you didn't want Kiana to talk about this topic.

Bronya: Kiana really has changed. She became mature and calm, and she no longer held everything in her heart.

Bronya: But for her, the world has changed more…

Bronya: She understands our thoughts. What she needs more now is kindness from other people.

Seele: You considered so much, it turns out that Bronya is a reliable person, and I am far from that…

Bronya: Seele has Seele's advantages.  You are sensitive, sympathetic, always aware of things that others did not, so Bronya judged you as the best choice to give Kiana to you.

Bronya: Seele should be more aware of her own strengths and be more confident.  After all, Bronya's world was also changed by Seele.

Seele: Bronya...okay! I understand! Leave her to me!

[loadingrat]

⿻ 𝐬𝐰𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞 → 𝐤. 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐣𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐠

🏻 ⃟⿻ 𝐠 𝐞 𝐧 𝐫 𝐞  →    angst; retelling; fantasy

🏼 ⃟⿻ 𝐬 𝐮 𝐦 𝐦 𝐚 𝐫 𝐲  →   with the burden of a crown on his head, Hongjoong finds himself forced to get a bride before he turns twenty two, yet he finds himself struck by love with a cursed young woman named Odette, who's body turns to swan at dawn. it all should be as simple as snapping your fingers to break the curse, when all it takes is three little words, yet, when spoken wrongly, they may do more harm then good.

🏽 ⃟⿻ 𝐰 𝐚 𝐫 𝐧 𝐢 𝐧 𝐠 𝐬   →   this awfully written i apologise; based off the ballet, so suicide; dark magic; violence; mention of a curse; the usual swearing; hunting; instant love; drowning; overprotective parents and another shitty ass parent if you ask me; forced marriage; the reader is referred to as "Odette"

🏾 ⃟⿻ 𝐰 𝐨 𝐫 𝐝 𝐬   → + 5.5k

🏿 ⃟⿻ 𝐦 𝐚 𝐬 𝐭 𝐞 𝐫 𝐥 𝐢 𝐬 𝐭 𝐬 →  main masterlist   ⦚   retellings

   Hongjoong always enjoyed watching as the wind bent under the will of his arrows, obeying them and letting the weapons find their way right in the middle of the red target. It brought pride in his chest, and helped him feel more like a boy stuck with a crown on his head than a prince stuck with the future of a kingdom on his back. He loved to see how flour would purr out of the sacks full of the snow like powder that stood in the royal yard, and so did his friends, as they always cheered him on, despite getting their expensive clothes all dirtied up.

   Saying that Kim Hongjoong's life was anything but exiting would've been the understandment of the year, that only if the words wouldn't have reached his mother's ears. However the queen was always aware of anything and everything going on in her kingdom, as if the old woman with her hair like silver had eyes in every corner of the territory. The prince always disliked that in her as he himself was never allowed to even leave the palace without one of his parents following. Of course, he was grateful that the queen and the king were the most understanding royalties he's ever met, and he got to speak to a lot on a daily, however, when it came to actually understanding him, sadly they were left lacking. The prince hated the way he pictured himself in this situation, but he couldn't do much and just accept that he was like a swan trapped in a dove's cage, and it made him feel completely hopeless.

   "You'll try getting out this evening, won't you?" The words slipped prince Wooyoung's lips as if he asked the same thing over and over. The smile on his lips had always faded during previous days, as the answer would've been a sad shake of the head, but the said day it only bloomed as Hongjoong turned his head around, looking at his bow as if it was the most interesting thing he's seen in his lifetime. "Holy shit, he didn't deny it!" Wooyoung spoke, a loud sound like a hyena's laughter ringing from his lungs as he repeatedly slapped his best friend's back. The other prince tried moving away, his abused body protesting with each hit Wooyoung delivered, but deciding that he'd fail anyways, Yeosang resorted to catching the younger's hand and delivering a harsh hit back. "But he did not agree to it either."

   It took only two more hours for the man to find himself sitting at a lavish dinner table, all kind of foods placed before them, yet the anxiety growing inside his heart made it easy for his appetite to stray away. "Hongjoong?" His father's voice was harsh as he demanded the prince to give him his attention. His mother's words followed right after, tone dripping with honey and Hongjoong knew something was in her mind. "The date for your birthday ball is approaching." She stated, and the man couldn't help but try to anticipate what she would've said next. "And we thought that it would be a rather perfect time for you to find a bride."

   The prince sucked in a hard breath, not trusting his voice to speak up his mind as it could've cracked, and he was not a teenager anymore, so he feared the way it could've made him look weak in front of the King. Hongjoong had met many princesses, duchesses, nobilities of all kinds, even country girls with exceptional talents, but none ever intrigued him and he surely wasn't going to choose a bride just yet. Hongjoong liked to believe he was too you for marriage, but his two friends always nagged that if he'll dare pass twenty five by himself, no princess will ever marry him for his heart, but for his crown instead, to which Hongjoong only scoffed as he dispatched another set of arrows. "I don't think anyone's marrying me for my heart now either."

    "So what do you say?" He felt as if his words were stuck in his throat and he was unable to get then out, but even if he would've answered as he truly believed, he knew his pleadings would've fallen on deaf ears. Hongjoong knew this day was going to come sooner or earlier, he just didn't expect it quite yet. "I agree, mother," the prince didn't know what gave him the courage to stretch his words, or to arch his eyebrows upwards, or smile like he did, all the while still looking in his plate. "However i also have a proposal.."

   Truly, Hongjoong doesn't know what came over him that evening, yet it was because of his boldness that he found himself mounting one of the finest mares in the stables. The prince had taken care of the horse since it was barely standing, he himself being only a child, enchanted by the pure white little fur on it. He's called her Zoya, a fitting name for a mount like herself, and despite leaving the palace only a couple of times, alongside of his father or mother, he considered the creature loyal enough to not abandon him when he'll most need her.

   With his bow resting in at his hip, the prince started following a rather small river, which eventually brought him in town and down the valley the palace rested on. Hongjoong wearily adventured himself in the wide forest that spread before him, the darkness of it making him shiver slightly as his mind finally wrapped around all the danger that could've hid around. Wolves, bears, mountain lions, all kind of creatures lurked in the forest, however the silver haired prince advanced nonetheless, clutching his bow tighter as if it could've made him feel secure once more.

   Just as he was about to urge his horse to start running, the sound of rapid wings flapping in the air made his skin crowl and his head shoot back, his eyes snapping rapidly on a flock of birds. Their fathers were as white as you could've imagined and as pure as it could've gotten, their bodies long, majestic and elegant, and Hongjoong couldn't help but let his mouth hang open as he stared at the beautiful swans that took over the sky. Within seconds, the brave prince clutched his bow and aimed skillfully, ready to let his arrow pierce through what he nominated as the prettiest swan, but Hongjoong wasn't as hard hearted as his father believed him to be, his eyes saddening and his chest burning as he asked himself how could he kill such a beautiful creature.

   The prince sighed deeply, putting his bow back and giving the horse a gentle nudge as a sign to follow the flock and Zoya took off obediently, rushing Hongjoong through the woods. He enjoyed the way wind blew through his silver locks, caressing his cheeks harshly and he love the adrenaline that came with riding this fast and thinking about how free one could be, thinking about what he's missed his whole life. Hongjoong knew that where there was a smaller river, there had to be a wider water source near by, and the swans that seemed to start heading down only gave him more reasons to believe he was right. The only problem was that he was not expecting the woods to end so quickly, his horse coming to an abrupt halt as it hooves planted in the mud as harsh as it could.

   He jumped eagerly from his horse and there, right before him and barely at two steps away from where his horse stopped, a grand body of water spread itself so widely that the other side of the lake was barley visible through the thin mist. The water sparkled in the shy sunlight of the evening, the sound of a small cascade barely audible in the back and the prince felt his jaw drop slightly one more time. If his mother would've been with him, she wouldn't even look at the beauty in front of her, but would scold him about how unmannered he looked and how that wasn't suitable for princes like him, not even in a million years, but as he spotted the swans floating happily around, everything about manners felt long forgotten.

   The boy in him had the urgent need to sit down in the slightly damp yet soft grass, eyes wide on the beautiful birds before him, yet the mature side in him wanted to mount back on his horse and move forward. There was so much more to explore and so little time, his mind wrapping around the fact that his father had gave him one single day to ride around the kingdom, with the condition that he'd return the evening before the horologe rang three in the morning. Therefore, the prince clutched on the horse's reins ready to mount, sparing one last glance at the lake, who's water started reflecting the rosy color of the sky.

   Hongjoong sucked in his breath, feeling how air left his lungs as he swore he started imagining things. His head whipped back, the forest remaining the only sight for a while, and he took his time thinking about what came into his sight seconds ago. Not long after, he turned around and came to the horrifying conclusion that he was indeed watching as the small bodies of the swans, that now rested calmly on the shore, morphed and twisted, becoming mere humans. Their build was more than just elegant, bodies long and delicate, nothing short of pure beauty. Each wore long gowns, as white and pure as their dazzling wings were, little silver necklaces with one sapphire gem decorating their necks, yet he quickly took notice of the one swan that stood in the middle of them all, sitted on the old trunk of a tree, her eyes glimming with happiness while a silver tiara rested on the top of her head.

   The prince watched them with amazement, as if they had put him under a thick spell like sirens would do to the poor sailors adventuring in the deep waters. Yet the more he watched, the more he couldn't help but feel like an intruder. The women danced and laughed when younger swans tried to impress them, then ran quickly to hide under an older swan's wing. The innocence of the moment was making his own heart fill with happiness, lips curling upwards gently and eyes turning in crescents as a squeaky giggle rolled off his throat.

   The moment all the laughter stopped and a cutting silence settled in, the prince knew he had done something wrong. He felt the warmth that had built in his chest being stripped away from him, eyes growing wide and startled, just as the swans had became. It didn't take long for Hongjoong to see how every pair of eyes rested on him, making him feel anxious. Should he leave? Or was he supposed to stay now? Either way, the answer would've been to not panic, which he's failed the moment one of the youngest of the creatures approached him, yelling loudly the name of who he supposed was the swan with the tiara.

   "Odette! Odette!" The small girl yelled happily, grabbing the prince's hand and jumping up and down while giggling. "It's prince charming! He's come to save us!" At her words, Hongjoong's cheeks started flaring pink, his heart beating faster as each pair of eyes rested on him, and he completely forgot about his tight grip on the bow in his other hand. The mare let out a loud cry, startled by the poor girl before slamming it's hooves harshly in the ground multiple times. In alert, Hongjoong let go of his bow, grabbing the girl's body in his arms and hurrying further away from the horse, who angrily took off back towards the town.

   "Yuna, dear!" The swan quickly run to the prince, her hands coming to grip Hongjoong's arms, which were still holding tightly onto her. "Are you alright?" His voice sounded unsure as he let the woman gently take her in her own hold, hand placing the younger's head again her chest. When a little laughter came from Yuna's lips, everyone sighed in relief, smiles painted on the swans' lips when the smaller swan jumped back on the grass and began twirling around the royalty as she giggled loudly. "Yuna, where are your manners?" Another swan called out, her lips pulled in a thin line and her eyebrows furrowed, and she most definetly was the oldest of the group, her aura holding a maturity that amazed Hongjoong, despite her youthful features.

   "Don't tense yourself, Yongsun." The youngest girl however rolled her eyes at the authority in Yongsun's voice, her own lips pulled in a pout as she bowed slightly in front of the silver haired man. He gave her a polite smile before bowing right back, sending the women in awe. "Come sit with us." The girl next to him offered, and he couldn't help but let his eyes wander over her striking features. She was an unique type of beauty, something he's never seen in anyone before, not even in all the princesses that's come to court him. He loved her voice as well, her tone being like honey to his ears and he couldn't even bring himself to care about the sudden drop of formalities when his orbs found hers.

   "I would hate to make such beautiful ladies uncomfortable with my presence." He acknowledged humbly, felling a shy smile tug at his lips while hearing how the woman, who he assumed was named Odette, let out a wholehearted laugh, her eyes turning to crescents as one of her hands came to hide her mouth. "Bother us? It would be a crime to not enjoy your presence." She assured, nodding her head towards him like encouraging him to take a step forward, and so he did. One step at a time before he found himself sitting in the grass besides a couple of children, who playfully pulled at his clothes and wowed at the fine material.

   "What's your name, son?" The oldest inquired, making Hongjoong's cheeks become pinker again, however this time, his eyes fell on the ground, where his ring decorated fingers gently pulled at the damb grass. "Kim Hongjoong." He spoke softly, not expecting any grand reactions form the group, who only nodded their heads in adoration. "We'll would you look at that, it really is prince charming." Another swan laughed, making Hongjoong himself let out a shy giggle, his eyes involuntary traveling to the swan with a tiara. It felt like hours that he stood there and just watched her, her skin bathing in the golden light of the sunset, and her eyes glimmering with love as she looked at each swan, before her eyes settled on him as well.

   "Do you like to dance?" One of the younger swans looked at him curiously, her small hand coming to grasp at Hongjoong's with excitement as she awaited a reply, and when the prince nodded his head in agreemen, he girl softly tugged him after her, bringing him to his feet. Together, they marveled at the way the forest started lighting up as soon as the sun went under, mushrooms and strange plants glowing in the dark, along with the moss on the trees, it was absolutely beautiful. However Hongjoong didn't have long to observe the landscape, his attention being brought back to the small girl that began dancing with him as the others started singing along, and it didn't take a while for the swans to join in as well, a chorus of laughter spreading trough the rather dormant forest as they all had their fun.

   Yongsun smiled happily as she took Odette's's hand, bringing her closer to the silver haired prince, who bowed deeply and offered his hand, an invitation, the girl concluded as she accepted happily. Perhaps only for tonight, she could forget about her curse, see herself as an actual princess and lose herself in the idea that Hongjoong would be the one to break the curse. However nothing like that happened as they began dancing, a tough wind starting to pull at their bodies, darkness spreading like a plague. The youngest girls found coverage behind the elders, while Hongjoong placed his arms around Odette and brought her closer to his chest, protecting the swan from whatever danger eas awaiting them.

   "Well well.." the sharp voice of a girl that came with the calmness of the weather startled the prince, who felt reluctant to let go of the swan in his arms, yet still let go of her and watched as disgust painted over Odette's features and anger over the others. Just on the shore stood another woman, her gown way shorter and messier as well as dotted with darker shades of black. Her features were just as graceful and as striking as the others, her own features making her look like a devine, but something about her tone made the prince feel sure that she wasn't just as beautiful on the inside.

   "The swan princess found herself a rescuer." She taunted while getting closer, her thumb and pointer wrapping around Odette's chin and bringing her closer. The princess, as the stranger called her, let out a scoff before pulling away, making the black swan laugh as if she was in hysterics. "Hoping you'll turn human again, little one?" She fumed, letting her eyes fall on Hongjoong, who stood stiff and angered, eyes on her like, if he had his arrows, he wouldn't have hesitated to let one of them pierce her heart.

   "It'll never happen, we'll make sure of that, little Odette." The stranger cocked one of her eyebrows while shaking her head and her fingers glazed over the necklace she was proudly wearing. With a last laugh, the black swan took a couple of steps back before her body quickly morphed in the one of a swan, yet her feathers looked disturbed and unhealthy, her body, small, too weak for a creature that was supposed to look as beautiful as a swan.

   "Who was that?" Hongjoong found himself asking, his own eyebrows arched upwards in confusion. His hand found Odette's and gripped it lightly a reassuring smile tugging at the girl's lips as she found comfort in the prince, who was still a stranger. "Odile.. Her father tried casting a curse on the town, however it did not go as planned and it ended up backfiring." She began explaining, choosing carefully her words as she took a glance at his chocolate warm eyes. The prince himself let his gaze meet hers, observant eyes curiously investigating her for a while before he spoke out loud. "Then why are you trapped as swans as well?" Silence washed over the group, the tension growing so thick that Hongjoong could've cut it with a knife. "I didn't say that it didn't work."

   Not much passed before Hongjoong excused himself, getting up and fetching his bow that stood patiently in the grass. He's dropped it earlier when Zoya took off and completely forgot about it, however, in his favor, his loyal mare had found her way back to the lake, thirst driving it back the way it's come. After the prince found himself back on his mount, thanking all of his lucky stars for bringing it back to him, he finally let his eyes fall on the woman with a little crown on her head. He swore he felt his heart beating faster than ever, swirling with the desire to take her with him and keep her to himself, to make her his, and at that moment he knew that there was no one that could ever become his queen, except her.

   "I must head out, however my family is hosting a ball tomorrow, at dusk, in order to find me a bride. It would be a honor to have you as a guest." He spoke softly, taking in the surprise on Odette's face, who only nodded before waving elegantly. With a polite nod from himself, the prince saw himself off as Zoya started galloping as fast as she could towards the palace.

   "You must go." a cold and harsh voice spoke, making the girl's shoulders fall, she put so much hope that perhaps this time, she'll be able to find love by herself, and hearing her father speak like that made her whole world shatter. With a long sigh, the girl turned her head around, in order to hide her glassy eyes, telling herself that it all starts being unfair the moment even her father had turned against her. "I shall not, father." Was all Odile said before she lifted her chin high, eyes becoming sharp as she told herself that it was time to pull free from his strings, yet she had a feeling that it will not be as easy as denying his orders.

    Rothbart, the black swan's father, smiled triumphally, as if the crown had already been placed on his head. He let himself turn around and face his only daughter and with a hushed voiced he whispered. "You'll go.. oh you'll go." Odile wanted to protest, to yell and say something, but the second her father touched her necklace, the poor girl knew it was too late. It took her a quick moment of thinking, preparing herself for what she might see, before she finally turned to the mirror that stood patiently on a wall. It was then that complete sorrow engulfed her heart, failing to find her own reflection. Instead, a familiar face started back at her, Odette's features looking so beautiful and so graceful, yet so ugly to Odile, as she was left to deal with her pain before she could've stopped it. "You do not have a choice."

   "But what should i wear?" Odette sighed, bringing her hands in her lap as she eyed nervously the ground. Her crown was resting on her head, sapphires sparkling in the gentle moonlight. "I cannot show up to a royal ball in this gown.." as much as she loved her dress, it's material softer than silk and whiter than the pearls found in the ocean's depths, she feared it was nothing short of what noblewomen wore to sleep. The more she thought about it, the more Odette found herself trapped between her own thoughts. What if her hair was was not as elegant as the other princesses', what if her little white slippers were to dirty up the expensive carpets around the castle. Worse, despite knowing how to dance, Odette had little knowledge of etiquette, as she's grown up as a simple village girl. She was going to make a fool out of herself and the prince for inviting her.

   "Worry not, Odette." A soft voice came from behind her, but before she's gotten the chance to turn around, a pair of cold hands rested on her bare shoulders, making her gasp at the sudden feeling of chilliness. Shivers traveled up and down on her back, eyes becoming wide in surprise as the speed she turned her head around could've given her a whiplash. Yongsun giggled softly, amused by the fact that she actually spooked the younger swan. "You look beautiful, and your gown is magnificent. Made with soft material like your wings, pulled together by a thread of magic. My dear, you look breathtaking."

   Odette stood a second just looking at her friend, a long sigh leaving her mouth when she understood that Yongsun was right. All she had to do was to have fun, she'd be dancing and talking to people, nothing she hasn't done before, so why was she worrying now? "You should leave, it's getting late." Was all the older woman said as she bent down to kiss the top of her head like a mother would before sending off her child off. A couple of younger swans insisted of going with her, clinging on her gown and her hands before she agreed in defeat. A chorus of laughter and giggles following her the deeper she walked into the forest and the closer she's gotten to the palace.

        Hongjoong stood sitting on the throne, a crown on his head while his parents stood at both of his sides. His rather small body seemed to shrink more and more with every second and with each nod he gave to the young women that would come to bow before him. They were all wearing beautiful gowns, feminine features painted by a thin layer of makeup, jewelries decorating their necks, ears and hair, he had to admit that they were all beautiful, but none of them where Odette. His Odette. He waited patiently for her to make her appearance, eyes running back to the spiral staircase in hopes that he'd spot her, and his observant mother did not take long to notice. "You're waiting for someone." She announced, a hand resting on her son's shoulder in a way of assuring him that it will all be fine.

    Hongjoong nodded, his lips parting slightly as he pondered on his thoughts, however, before he's even gotten thr chance to speak, a familiar face made his heart beat like it never has, and his breath got stuck in his throat. A wave of heat crossed his cheeks, feeling as a strong blush took over his face. From one of the corners of the grand ballroom, he noticed Yeosang smirking his way, Wooyoung whispering something to him before they both snickered.

    "Your highness.." when she arrived in front of him, Hongjoong quickly has gotten up on his feet, refusing to let her bow before him. One of his hands gently taking one of her own as the other traveled to her side in order to bring her body closer to his own with a shy embrace. At the action, a couple of gasps could be heard throughout the room, everyone surprised at the prince's action, yet he did not care, and it could've been the reason why he completely looked past the vile smile that played on the girl's lips. "Odette.. will you dance with me?"

    "We've arrived too late!" One of the little swans warned as she peeked trough the closest window, huffing in defeat at the sight. Odette waisted no time in following her closely, face crumbling in defeat as he watched how her dear Hongjoong waltzed around the room with no one else but Odile. His eyes were so fixed on her that it seemed like she was his whole world, hands gripping her close like she'd parish if he let go, and everyone around them saw it. How in love he was, how much care he put in every step they made together, and that made Odette's stomach churn in pain. Her eyes began watering, heart screaming at her to do something yet her body remained frozen in place.

    "Odette..?" The little girl asked, her tone wobbling as her own eyes began to water as she watched the princess of the swans. The young woman's skin began morphing, little fluff and white feathers growing from her arms and shoulders at a slow peace, like she was to turn in swan once more. With each second she spent looking at her beloved dance with another woman, looking so smitten by her, the little sapphires on the crown she wore began to crack more and more, and panic took over the three children when their own necklaces followed closely and as Hongjoong's voice rang trough their ears.

    "So, Your Highness, would you say that you love me?" Odile questioned as she made eye contact with the prince, who giggled shyly before sighing deeply. He felt caught red-handed and all he could do now was nod his head slightly before speaking softly. "I love you." Yet something didn't feel right, deead filling his heart as he said his words, like a kid that's done something wrong and waited anxiously for his parents to scold him. It was then that he began to fall out of the spell he had been put under, noticing how the woman in front of him did not wear a crown yet a necklace, amber decorating the gem that rested patiently on her neck. The white gown that the swan once wore was not completed jet black, eyes harsh as a voice so cutting he began feeling dizzy.

    "You're not Odette." He stated, stopping from dancing and taking a couple of harsh steps back. The prince's hand flew to his sword, threatening to take it out and use it, yet Odile's smile never faltered. "Even if you harmed me, my mission here had ended." She explained, giggling once more before turning herself in the same swan she morphed in when they first met and before anyone could do anything, she flew past him, soaring trough the open window where four little figures stood at.

    "Odette..?" He asked, feeling his hear break as he noticed how heartbroken she looked, how her skin began turning in feathers and how tears cascaded over her cheeks like they couldn't be stopped. "Odette!" He yelled louder, rushing to jump over the window, yet failing to do so in time before the woman began running back towards the forest. "Hongjoong!" His father warned, yet the prince was far gone, already chasing after the swan with unshed tears blurring his own vision.

    It didn't take long for the two to reach the lake, scratches from little branches decorating their skin as neither had been careful while running, yet that did not matter to them, the heartache burning every bit of ration they had. "I did not know, Odette!" He tried explaining himself, taking a step forward towards the woman, who only took one back, her feet so close to the shore that it made Hongjoong's heart freeze in place. "I thought it was you.."

    Yet what was done was done and both of them knew it, the sapphires finally shuttering as Odette took her crown off, breaking it in two. Without even thinking about the outcome, the swan threw it into the lake, a muffled sob leaving her mouth as she herself took a step closer to the edge. "No! Odette please! I love you!" He shouted, yet it was all in vain as he knew that the curse will get to her before his words will.

    The second he noticed what she intended, the prince rushed to her side, gripping her waist tightly and pressing a soft kiss to her lips, eyes deeply staring in her own like their hearts spoke to each other, and it all felt more than ethereal as both of their bodies hit the water, sinking slowly as they held each other like not even death could do them apart.

   And perhaps it couldn't, as the second the sun began rising, the women that stood next to the lake and mourned the passing of their princess did not turn back to swans, and their gowns turned back to the clothes they once wore when they were running errands around the village. On the other side of the forest, Rothbart felt his powers leave him, a sudden weakness taking over his body as it slowly began turning to ashes. "No!" He yelled like a mantra, yet it was all in vain as ths moment the shy sunlight peeked trough his window, all that remained of him was an amber ring and his daughter, who only stared at the cracked mirror on the wall, ashamed of herself and mad at the world like never before.

    And even years after, deep down, on the bottom of the lake, the two lovers stood embraced, untouched by the time, as if they were simply sleeping. So perhaps, the curse that once plagued the young women became a blessing, as not only has she found peace, but love as well.

[dollhouseirl]

Oh my~ I'll play along with this rn, lol! This is pretty funny since my characters' lives are not especially sexual but maybe this will be a chance to be funny with something. This may or may not make sense if you've read Purple Prose and maybe it won't even if you have:

Lucia's sex life is pretty barren but she's working on it. She wouldn't mind a little more than she's getting; the surgery it took to keep her alive means she really only has one option for sex and it's one that intimidates her. What she prefers is to share moments that are sexual in their intimacy, where she and the other party could do something but settle for kissing and acts of affection instead.

Wally has no sex life and wouldn't disclose anything about it if he were asked. Yes, even by me. It is possible he had one once upon a time; the notion he never had any would be altogether ludicrous. He just would not be inclined to talk about it.

Bucket has a sex life! Of course he has a sex life! He has a sex life all the time! To be honest, he has Schrodinger's Sex Life: it's probably so amazing that it would disappear if you opened the box and examined it, like, inside the box he's having it like you wouldn't believe and, if you opened it - poof, the magic would be gone. He's singular and looking to mingular and is into just about anything you can imagine. He can be any shape, any size, any color, any person - yeah you gotta work with the bucket but he can put that (and his HEAD) anywhere! ...That said, he used to be monogamous once and that was a different period and yeah he thinks about that a lot too does he want to settle down though really???? nahhhhhhhhh Pravd's sex life it would be best not to pry into. She is turned on by self-actualization, hers and others, but self-actualization for her is embracing sadism, depravity, or masochism. There is one specific man she loves, the universe's "chosen hero", but they've never had sex and she actually hasn't thought of what would happen if they could or did even though she has considered the act quite a bit. She is the kind of woman who can make a sexual act out of anything so long as it fits her parameters and will be a friend with benefits to anyone who doesn't bore her. She is doing a good bit of it already in the Last World, already finding assorted oddballs with ideas to entangle herself with, basking in their dreams of power and glory. Just, don't bore her. She has reflected on none of this at all and is not inclined to ever do so. (I) has no sex life in the sense we would really consider the matter. They are not a being that encounters sex in the scope of their typical experience in the way we understand it and find other beings too fearsome under most circumstances to allow anyone close enough to have it. They understand what it is and are open to the experience in theory but have not encountered the right person in the right place under the right circumstances. In a way it is like Rogue from the X-Men (would I crush them? how could i not) and in a way it is fear (would they crush me oh of course they would). They consider their feelings on it closely during and after Purple Prose. Their wants and appetite would be hard to pin down. We are not discussing Lucia's mom's sex life thank you she had one thank you it was good thank you it made Lucia thank you The Harvester likes missionary position and monogamy because humans cannot be trusted to behave predictably outside of those lines when that is what he is most concerned with: predictable evolution, predictable growth, a predictable process. Yeah, he's had sex; he's a handsome man and he's probably been through multiple partners. Gender is no concern to him and he's had partners of any sex you can imagine. They just never stay and he isn't sufficiently self-reflective on the matter to examine why he is currently mostly alone (he cavorts with two women who are also something of contractors/subordinates to him) Demian is a little freak. He has a lot of sex with pretty much anyone he likes of pretty much any kind you can think of. If you were to rate my characters on who is getting the most action, it is probably him. The issue is he just isn't forming any connections out of it; my boy is a bit of a solipsist with the energy of a Persona series best friend

11th day of  the 365 Days Of Character Development writing game!  Basically how it works is that each day, we use (with permission, of course) a question from my friend's book on character development to get our creative juices flowing!  If you like this game, I recommend buying the book to support an independent creator!

Here's today's question:

What is your character’s sex life like? How do they regard their sex life and sexual choices?

😳

I'll be answering for the main characters of my upcoming game Romance The Backrooms later today.

[bangtancentricsblog]

vampire MC x human Yoongi (aka the one where Mc and Yoongi are mates)

mentions of blood loss, killing of infants, parent death, vampires are cunts, also heavily unedited as all works are when I post

others

It'd been almost three months since you'd fed from Yoongi. His heart ached at your silent treatment of him. He'd smashed his phone after a month of you ignoring his calls and messages. He was a mess, blonde hair now showing the roots, eyes adorned with deep heavy purple bags from lack of sleep. The worst was that he'd wracked his brain for possible ideas on what he'd done wrong. He always came up with the same idea; you hadn't really loved him. Sure you'd begun dating under the rule that it was only so you could feed from him. But something had changed in you, some odd weeks later you'd taken less of his blood. Only feeding from him every Sunday, you still came around though often times just to hang out, go out, and sleep.

It was no wonder he'd grown accustomed to your presence in his apartment. It was during a feeding you'd taking a bit too much, so much so he'd weakly had to push you away as he pressed the silver ring on his finger into your arm. His barely coherent mind caught the sizzle from the silver making contact with your skin before you pulled away. Lips stained red, eyes wide once a beautiful shade of brown now glowing carmine. It faded in seconds your eyes quickly darting over his somewhat unconscious form lips trembling as your tongue wrapped around the abundant apologies fleeing your being. Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth as you realized what you'd done. You'd fled after sealing the wound and that was the last he'd seen of you.

Yoongi after so much time had made up his mind, he'd go to your house and get you to speak to him. He deserved an explanation, that was the least you could do. So he pulled on a jacket and headed out. His mind was so busy he'd made it there faster than he anticipated; and now stood before the door to the giant Victorian. A heaviness he hadn't felt before suddenly sat atop his shoulders with feet cemented to the ground. His game plan had been simple, show up, get an explanation, make up and then leave. Simple right? Except now it didn't seem like it. His heart hammered in his chest reminding him that he was in front of a house filled with vampires and he was very much human. So human in fact it took him promptly five minutes to finally notice that Jimin had been sitting just outside the front door. A small hesitant smile lining his lips that could turn any hetero man in an instant.

"Jimin, how long have you been there?"

"Long enough besides I knew you would come around sooner or later."

"Did you foresee this moment?"

"No, I'm just good at guessing games; and you forget I'm a half-blood. We don't get fancy powers like the pure bloods."

"Then how could you possibly know I was going to be over today? I'm here to talk to _____."

"I didn't. I assumed you would but I don't think it wise for you to be here."

"Why?"

"You do remember that you're human right? I mean how can one not realize their own mortality."

"Of course I know I'm human what does that have to do with _____? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Hyung would kill me if he knew what I was doing. Lets take a little walk and while we're at it how about we have some story time."

"I'm not up for your crap right now. As your hyung I want to know where _____ is."

"In human years of course but I'm way older than you. Born in the 1400's, so that would make me a hyung by default no?" Yoongi sighed heavily watching as the young vampire stood, dusting off his jeans and casually walking down the steps.

"Your not allowed to see _____."

"Why not."

"She's gone on a rampage. So Hoseok had to lock her up to keep her safe."

"What do you mean by rampage?"

"You see pure bloods and half bloods differ only slightly. Half bloods are always from a vampire mother and human father. Pure bloods have both vampire parents except all vampire females are half bloods and all if not most males are pure bloods. Thus creating a pure blooded vampire such as Hoseok, and Jin. Namjoon and I are half blooded born from vampire mothers and human fathers. We're born with no special power, our fangs are shorter and appetite can be quenched with both human food and blood."

“So then what is _____?"

"She's a rare type of vampire. One of the few female pure blooded vampires in all existence."

"I don't understand just how many pure blooded female vampires are there?"

"In Korea, just two including _____. On the world, about 40 give or take."

"That number seems surprisingly low."

"Oh it is. The Vampire court usually keeps count of how many vampires consummate and spawn children. Those vampires belong to a smaller group called a coven and even smaller more family oriented clans. Our clan has tried our very best to keep _____ away from the watchful eyes of the Vampire Court."

"But why?"

"Pure blooded females are stronger in every manner. They'd easily outnumber vampire males 7 to 1 just like human females. Except instead of oppressing them like you humans do the vampire court eliminates them the day after their birth." Yoongi visibly recoils at the thought of killing babies, babies whom haven't done a single bad thing in their lives.

"It seems extreme to most and many clans are trying to fix this issue but we're not a democracy. Our entire existence is thanks to the monarchy, but just because they are stronger doesn't mean that they come without faults. _____ was born during a time where most were afraid to find out that their child was a female. We'd had some incidents where pure blooded females rampaged destroying entire towns and cities; so the court declared all female pure blooded babies be eliminated thereafter."

"So then how is _____ alive." Yoongi asked as he followed Jimin around the house and towards the forested area out back.

"_____ and I are distant relatives, hence the surname Park. Her mother was actually related to mine by some way or form. When her parents conceived they felt her automatically. Strange thing at that to be able to feel your child when she's so little just barely forming; but her mother did. So she reached out, and Hoseok came to stay with _____’s original clan keeping Namjoon and I updated. ____’s mother feared her daughters well being that she couldn't even see a doctor. So Hoseok had one brought in, one he knew could be trusted. That's when we met Jin. He'd stayed until _____ was born, unfortunately her mother died during childbirth. Her father had already agreed that Hoseok would take her and raise her as his own just like he'd done for Namjoon and I. Except he made Hoseok promise to fulfill his final wish."

"I don't even want to ask what that was."

"He asked Hoseok to burn down her estate. The rest of the clan was fine dying in the fire if it meant that _____would live. Hoseok gave us all a choice, die with the rest of _____ clan, keep this secret and stay in his clan or run with the fear that he'd find us and kill us if we ever mentioned her true heritage. It was a simple answer for all three of us; we'd been so enamored with her that we couldn't leave."

"Still doesn't answer how she went on a rampage." Yoongi pointed out.

"Your a fool to think that your special, but more a fool am I to not understand just how special you are to her. She's had human lovers before, and is the reason why we've chosen to only feed off animals. I've seen her slaughter entire towns because of her hunger for human blood. We keep her off it for her own safety; and she's been pretty good about it for a long time now. It isn't until she met you that she's begun to degenerate."

"Why's that?"

"Because you are her mate. The universe put you out in the world to be with her or be the end of her. All beings have a mate, human senses just aren't as fine tuned as the supernaturals. The day you met she knew, Hoseok made it so that she never went unescorted anywhere. We knew she snuck out just not where to, or who to. We knew she was feeding off something just not what exactly. She was always freshly cleansed smelling of fruits. Yet recently there was a stench that clung to her. Something foul and so pungent it would linger festering until the day she came home. Blood staining her clothes, tears clinging to her lashes and that crazed look in her eyes we'd all recognized."

"And that's why you locked her up."

"No, she asked us to. She begged us to do it, clung to Hoseok until he agreed. She's been here ever since."

"She chose this?"

"She did this for you, you are her mate just as she is yours. She'd do anything to keep you safe even from herself."

"Can I see her, I mean is it okay for me to see her?"

[mind-reader1]

Queen of Hearts (Ch. 14)

Drake x MC (Emma Barnes)

TRR AU: What would happen if Emma loved Drake but had to marry Liam?

Catch up here

Warnings: None, some angst 

Note: Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list! Sorry this chapter is so short, I promise there’s good stuff coming! 

Word Count: 1504

Summary: Kiara throws herself at Drake over some wine, but will Emma be able to keep her cool? Drake and Emma have a heart to heart and get caught in the moment, getting busted yet again. Is their secret still safe? 

Chapter 14: Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift 

Say you'll remember me Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe Red lips and rosy cheeks Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams (ah ah) (ah ah) Wildest dreams (ah ah)

You see me in hindsight Tangled up with you all night Burn it down Some day when you leave me I bet these memories follow you around You see me in hindsight Tangled up with you all night Burnin' it down (burnin' it down) Some day when you leave me I bet these memories follow you around (follow you around)

Say you'll remember me Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe Red lips and rosy cheeks Say you'll see me again even if it's just pretend

Once inside they were greeted by some familiar and some new faces. It didn't take Emma long to discover what would help her gain Kiara's family's support, Hakim wanted Cordonia nominated for a prestigious art festival and that was the reason for hosting the art festival showcasing Cordonia's artists. Hakim went around the room one by one and introduced himself to everyone, surprising them all with his intimate knowledge of who they were. As he got to Emma, she formally invited him to their wedding just as she had with every other noble family, and just like the others, he declined, they were expected at a legal summit in Switzerland. Another family to convince, nothing about this would be easy, Emma thought to herself. Hakim left, and everyone took a seat, Kiara sat too close for comfort to Drake on the couch and Emma carefully watched her as they talked. It didn't take much convincing to gain Kiara's support, as soon as they had it, Emma jumped up.

“How about that grand tour now?” Drake jumped up as well and tried to maneuver away from Kiara, he was trying to save her and himself from Emma.

“Zeke is the best at giving tours!” They followed Zeke out to beautiful patio that overlooked rows and rows of grape vines. A woman was overlooking the vineyard, focused on the canvas in front of her. After Joelle introduced herself, Zeke brought out various bottles of house wines and glasses for everyone to sample as the sun set. Emma sat next to Liam with Drake on her other side and Kiara on his other side. Drake swirled his wine around and looked at it, unsure while everyone else tasted the fruity chardonnay. Olivia smirked and noticed that Drake seemed uninterested.

“What do you think of the wine Drake?” He looked up caught off guard and stumbled over his words using the wrong verbage to describe it. Emma was going to rescue him, but Kiara beat her to it.

“Wine is not for everyone Drake. I'm sure you're a whiskey connoisseur.” Her hand rested gently on Drake's leg and lingered a little too long. Drake coughed and shifted in his chair noticing Emma's white knuckles on her chair next to him. Zeke relieved some of the tension by sharing a story of his own embarrassment in a political setting. Drake carefully rested his hand on Emma's knee under the table, giving it a soft squeeze, reassuring her that everything was okay. Zeke poured everyone another white that was made in the traditional sparkling form like champagne. Emma made a short toast, and everyone clinked their glasses, noticing a spark between Zeke and Penelope as they talked about their love for animals. Zeke brought out one more bottle for them to sample, a rich red wine. Liam and Emma settled on having the sparkling wine at their wedding. She leaned over to Drake conspiratorially.

“Don't  worry, there will be plenty of whiskey there too.” Drake chuckled. They finished their last sample and everyone wandered back in except for Drake who looked out over the vineyard.

“Hey.” Emma sidled up next to him and looked out over the vineyard too.

“Hey yourself. You doing okay?” He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

“I'd be doing better if Kiara wasn't all over you.” Drake chuckled and kissed the top of her head.

“You've been awfully quiet tonight.”

“Is it a crime to silently enjoy some nice wine?” Emma raised an eyebrow at him.

“Since when do you prefer wine over whiskey Drake?” He sighed.

“Truth is Barnes, I'm trying to fit in but I'm over my head. All this courtly stuff, I've always dismissed it, but now, if I want to be with you it's going to become a part of my life. I never thought I'd end up here, not even in my wildest dreams.”

“Sipping wine and touring the duchies of Cordonia?”

“Or in love with the same woman as my best friend, who's a duchess. Or acting like a fool over the woman I love. Or caring about courtly events. Take your pick.”

“You're not a fool Drake Walker.”

“I figured out at a young age that I'd never be like them, like the nobles, I'd never be good enough. I thought that if I didn't care, it wouldn't matter. Now I care and I'm in love with a noble woman, I just want to be good enough, to be worthy of you. Even if it is in the shadows.”

“Drake it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. What matters is you and me. You're stuck with me, for good now.” Emma pulled out the ring from under her dress and Drake grinned down at the sight of it.

“I'd like it a lot more if it was on your finger, but I'll take it Barnes.” Emma turned and wrapped her arms around Drake as he pulled her closer. Looking up at him she stood on her tiptoes and gave him a quick kiss. She caught Drake off guard, but he leaned down for another kiss, losing themselves in the moment. They pulled away at the sound of someone clearing their throat. Busted...again. 

They turned to find Hana standing there shyly.

“Sorry to interrupt... everyone's headed back towards the estate.” Drake and Emma followed Hana and joined the group. After everyone had wandered off, settling into their rooms or exploring, Emma found Penelope wandering around looking for her poodles. After searching the estate, they found them with Zeke who was tending to one of their paws. He confessed his dreams of being a vet, despite being the heir of his family's house. It had clearly taken a lot for him to admit that, but it was clear he trusted Penelope and Emma saw her opportunity, she convinced him that telling his family would be important and in return, he agreed to attend her wedding. Zeke walked Penelope to her room and Emma heard the sound of footsteps behind her, turning she found Liam.

“To what do I owe the pleasure? I'm not going to be read the riot act again for, yesterday am I?” Liam smiled dryly.

“I was actually coming to see if you'd like to sample some of the foods from tomorrow?” Emma looked at him suspiciously.

“No ulterior motives?”

“I would like to talk but I promise it will be civil.” Emma eyed him once more before shrugging.

“Let's do it.” Liam led her over to a small tray with various food samples on it.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” She asked between bites. Liam set his sample down and took a seat, Emma following him.

“I talked to Drake last night, after the spa.” Emma swallowed hard, she didn't think she liked where this was going.

“I want to apologize for my behavior again, I got quite upset with him about what happened. You have done an amazing job on this tour so far and successfully recruited everyone and rallied the people. That's not all though.” Emma was surprised to hear the praise from Liam, it was an uncommon occurrence these days.

“I'm worried about Drake. He told me about his nightmares. I gave him my therapists card, but I don't know that he'll call. We used to talk all the time, now,” Liam sighed, “now not so much. Just keep an eye on him for me, will you?” Emma squeezed Liam's hand.

“I know Liam. I'm worried too, but he's getting better. You know you can always talk to me too.” He squeezed her hand in return.

“Thank you, Emma, but it's just strange for me still.” Emma nodded in understanding.

“Oh, I wanted to tell you, I told Olivia, she shouldn't give us anymore trouble.”

“Thank you.” She stood and straightened her dress and began walking away.

“Would you like to finish the samples?” Emma gave him a small smile.

“No thank you Liam, but I've lost my appetite.” Emma was racked with guilt. She felt that Liam and Drake's friendship was falling apart because of her, and she hadn't stopped to even consider how much she and Drake hurt Liam every time he caught them together. She couldn't believe that her life had become so crazy. She couldn't blame herself though, none of this was her fault, no one was to blame. It was just a shitty situation. All Emma wanted was to curl up in Drake's arms, forget about it for a bit and make sure that Kiara wasn't trying to seduce him, she had been all over him. She checked the time and realized Drake should have been there by now, she pulled out her phone to text him and saw he had already texted her. Kiara had caught him in the hallways, he told her he got lost looking for the kitchen and went back to his room, he was stuck there for the night. Emma groaned and fell back onto her pillows.

Tag List:  @notoriouscs @brightpinkpeppercorn@leelee10898@princesstopgun@choicesyouplayandmore@sleepwalkingelite @roonarific@indigo39@skyila@speedyoperarascalparty @andy-loves-corgis@furiousherringoperatortoad@blackwidow2721@drakewalkerfics@findingdrake @sue9659@smritysriv@tmarie82 @larryssunflower

[gotnofucks]

Oh Lexi my darling, my sweet sweet baby, how do I begin to talk about how special reading this was for me? I'm a little overwhelmed with emotions after reading this but I'll try to express myself.

Dealing with body image issues is never easy. In a world where movies, magazines, TV series and other media houses have taken to showing perfect, spotless models as the most desirable women, dealing with our real bodies is not easy. We feel slighted, we feel unwanted and insignificant. Sometimes, we also feel unworthy.

From our Neighborhood wali aunty to our cousin, everyone chooses to comment on our flaws. "Oh beta did you gain weight? My son lost 10 kgs after...." And "ladka kaise milega?". When every person seeks to bring us down by pressing on an already throbbing wound, getting back up from our bad days is difficult.

But as difficult as this struggle is, more difficult is putting it into words as you have done. It was a personal Odysseus, a task to delve inside and talk about something so intimate and personal. You chose to bare yourself and your fears to us Lexi, and for that I thank you.

Watching the reader struggle with mean comments and her own demons was heartbreaking. People in the world are horrible to judge a person by what they look. And of course, being with someone as physically beautiful as Steve would certainly flare the nerves because you only wanna be perfect and worthy of him, to be a good match.

And so it began: starting fad diets, appetite suppressant pills, detox teas, "miracle-working" anti-cellulite, stretch mark removal creams and massage oils. You stopped eating full meals, instead just eating half of what you would normally eat. You made excuses for going to dinners and other public outings with Steve, feigning work or even fatigue.

This was particularly hard to read since I've altered diets in the past after someone made a pass at my weight. To watch this incredible, stunning woman suffer like this broke my heart. I understand the need to get rid of these marks, the frustration that comes when nothing seems to work.

Looking into the mirror she sees a wrecked girl who has little worth because of her body, but she seldom looks inside that beating heart of hers that is forever pure and pretty.

"I see a beautiful, and gorgeous young woman. A fierce, independent and strong woman, who is not afraid to back down from any challenge or adversity. She faces it head-on, like a lioness. But most importantly, I see a woman I love, who I cherish, and the only person I can see spending my life with."

Oh Steve, thank you so much for saying this. He knows he finds beauty in her body. He knows he finds beauty in her smile. He knows he finds beauty in her strength and resilience. Beauty is varied, and if one looks deep enough, it's everywhere ❤️

Of course Steve understands what she's going through. He was once that person, in fact, he still is. He's always wondering if people love him or the serum that runs inside him. The skinny pre-serum Steve heart of his would always beat and wonder if he was enough now.

"But that doesn't change things, Steve. I've tried so hard to get rid of these..these imperfections. I don't understand how to tackle this. I'm so...conflicted..and confused."

I am really glad you decided to talk about this. Issues that have run deep for years won't be gone away in a few minutes, but that doesn't mean it didn't fade a little. It helps knowing there is person out there who loves you despite every flaw you may think you have. There is a person who loves you more than you love yourself. Knowing that makes it easier to walk this difficult path.

Sweetheart, I understand. I do. But trust me when I say this, that no one is perfect. And no one will ever be as perfect as you are to me. These marks, if anything, make you more appealing and sexy to me. It shows me that you're human, in a world of plastic smiles and bodies. A beautiful human with a kind, nurturing heart and soul. You're perfect to me and I have no doubts that you will be an amazing wife and mother, as you have been a girlfriend to me. I love every inch of you, and will always do so. Never doubt that. To hell with what people think. They can go and set up camp in a place where the sun don't shine." He finished, grinning.

Oh my heart melted. This is true love and companionship right here. I love their relationship. It's so beautiful and open, so real and lovely. I love how they both understood and appreciate the true value of each other. And that ending sass from Steve? Glorious.

I love the ending so so much. The fact that she's finding her catharsis in being vulnerable and naked before Steve is so empowering. The very thing that gave her anxiety is now what made her feel loved and cherished. Being perfect is a state of mind, and the both of them burn just right for each other.

Lexi, thank you so much for this entry. It was deeply personal, I know. But it was also deeply motivating and empowering for the lot of us. I love you sweetheart ❤️ keep shining 💞

♡The Mark of an Angel♡

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem! Reader

Warnings: 18+, mention of cellulite, stretch marks, eating issues, body dysmorphia, slight body shaming, body negativity, talk about different body types, general body anxiety, angst, fluff, implied sexual content, please DO NOT read if any of this stuff bothers you, MINORS DNI.

A/N: This is my entry for Dibs' Body Positivity Challenge (@gotnofucks ). Dibs, you are a gem, and I cannot thank you enough for shedding light on this. I struggle a lot with self love and body image, so this is very close to my heart. To all you lovely people out there, know that you are not alone. Society and media has warped our idea of normalcy, but let me tell you what you see in movies and on TV are not real bodies. Every person is different, every body is different. I have now learnt to love myself, because my body has kept me alive and working in a situation like this pandemic, irrespective of my size and shape. I hope and pray that everyone stays healthy and safe in these times.

Minors DNI, you are responsible for your own media consumption. Not beta'ed, any mistakes, grammatical or otherwise are all mine. I post my stuff only on Tumblr and AO3, nowhere else. I do not give anyone permission to reproduce, copy or translate my work. Dividers by the wonderful @firefly-graphics

Join my taglist and check out my masterlist for more!

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, grimacing a tad. Your skin was marred by those marks, on your stomach, your breasts, your thighs. They were everywhere. It was really disheartening. You had grown up to be a chubby girl, hoping, wishing, praying as each day passed, that you, too, would blossom and grow and be tall and thin like the girls in your class.

You were 25 now, still waiting for that miracle.

You hadn't blossomed the way you wanted to. You didn't have a taut belly, firm thighs or a peach shaped ass. The stretch marks were one thing, nut so was the cellulite. Try as much as you did, you couldn't ignore all these small factors. And how could you? You were engaged to one of the World's most handsome men, a Greek God, a perfect specimen among mere mortals. Steve Rogers looked like he had been sculpted by God himself. That man hadn't a freckle out of place, let alone stretch marks and cellulite. How he had fallen in love with you was a mystery to you, in addition to thousands of news outlets and other media outlets. A simple outing like going to the beach was a Herculean task for you: even then, you would only wear shorts and a teeshirt, ashamed to expose any part of your skin. You wore knee length skirts and pants to ensure that he wouldn't see the cellulite on your thighs.

And so it began: starting fad diets, appetite suppressant pills, detox teas, "miracle-working" anti-cellulite, stretch mark removal creams and massage oils. You stopped eating full meals, instead just eating half of what you would normally eat. You made excuses for going to dinners and other public outings with Steve, feigning work or even fatigue. Sometimes it wasn't even a lie; you felt exhausted due to lack of proper food. Steve saw that you'd been missing meals, which he did not approve of. Many a times you found a plate of cut fruit on your table, which he placed everytime he saw you working. You ate a bite or two of it, but you persisted in your endeavours. You had to do something about it. You had to make yourself worthy enough to be Steve's wife. You dry brushed yourself till your skin was red and raw, trying to erase the marks of cellulite that the world would no doubt ridicule; an imperfection in the otherwise perfect life of Steve Rogers.

So you stood in front of that mirror, everyday. Trying to check if you were there yet; if you were beautiful, thin, "skinny" enough to be his wife. The marks stared back at you, the roadblocks in your soon-to-be married life. Steve had never mentioned them, nor had you even talked about them to him. But you did try to hide your body from him every chance you got, turning down the lights everytime you had sex. The marks and cellulite stayed hidden, as did your fear of them, atleast for the moment.

That's where you were right now. Cursing yourself. Cursing your genes, cursing your parents for not allowing you to look the way the world would like you to look. The comments on the press release about your wedding didn't help either, the internet's venomous and scathing remarks about how Steve had "settled" for you adding onto your insecurities, threatening to drown you. A few tears made their way down your face. Were you really that hideous?

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't hear Steve walk in, who was stopping by to ask you for lunch. He'd noticed that you were a bit withdrawn these past few days, but chalked it up to work stress and pressure. He entered the room, seeing you cry, cradling your face with your hands. Alarmed, he rushed to you, gathering you in his arms.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?! Is everything ok? Are you hurt?" He asked, his firm arms cocooning you.

"I...I don't think...we..should get married..Steve.."

"What? Why? Talk to me, sweetheart, tell me what happened!" Steve said, panic settling in his voice.

Turning him to face the mirror, you met his eyes, bewilderment meeting resignation and shame.

"Look at you. Tall, muscular, well-built. You're practically Adonis, like you've just walked off the pages of a magazine. Millions of girls and guys would be willing to throw themselves at you and worship at your feet, most of them much prettier, skinnier and better looking than me."

"And now look at me. I am not you, Steve, and I probably never will be. I try to block out every article, every comment written out there, but I'm not blind. I can see what they're talking about; and it's true. We are so different, in many ways. How can I ever match up to literal perfection?"

You looked down, unable to meet his eyes. He would surely understand your decision, and why you were not willing to go through with this union. It was better if you dealt with it quickly, so that you could get over him quickly.

"My love, look at me. Please." His soft voice broke you out of your reverie. Standing behind you, he kept his hands on your shoulders, placing soft kisses in your hair, till you met his gaze in the mirror.

"Do you know what I see, when I look at you?"

"I see a beautiful, and gorgeous young woman. A fierce, independent and strong woman, who is not afraid to back down from any challenge or adversity. She faces it head-on, like a lioness. But most importantly, I see a woman I love, who I cherish, and the only person I can see spending my life with."

Grazing his fingertips over your marks, he gently placed a kiss along the column of your neck, the heady combination of sensations wreaking havoc. You felt your tears begin again, his words weighing down your already heavy heart. You wanted to believe him, to trust him, but how could you? It had taken years for these insecurities to keep building up, it would take longer for them to be broken down.

"Growing up, I wasn't who I am now." He continued. "I was a skinny guy, weighing a 100 pounds soaking wet. Being Bucky's friend used to be tough, seeing all the beautiful dames fawn over him and barely throwing so much as a glance my way. Somedays I still see myself as that skinny man, who wasn't even eligible to be a soldier, let alone a Captain. The serum changed only my physical features, but on the inside, I am still insecure. Still that Steve who wasn't good enough for the army, let alone a woman."

He sat you on the bed, taking your hand in his, placing soft kisses on your knuckles. "That changed when I met you, sweetheart. You saw me for who I am. You didn't want to be with Captain America, with the leader of The Avengers. You wanted to be with plain old Steve, who likes watching war documentaries, eats only vanilla icecream, still doesn't quite understand how technology works. You make me a better man, and everyday with you is like an adventure."

Lowering you onto the bed, he left featherlight kisses on the marks on your breasts, raising himself to leave the most tender kiss on your lips. You spoke after a beat,

"But that doesn't change things, Steve. I've tried so hard to get rid of these..these imperfections. I don't understand how to tackle this. I'm so...conflicted..and confused." You sobbed, tears streaming down your face. He leaned down, kissing your tears away, rubbing his nose to yours.

"Sweetheart, I understand. I do. But trust me when I say this, that no one is perfect. And no one will ever be as perfect as you are to me. These marks, if anything, make you more appealing and sexy to me. It shows me that you're human, in a world of plastic smiles and bodies. A beautiful human with a kind, nurturing heart and soul. You're perfect to me and I have no doubts that you will be an amazing wife and mother, as you have been a girlfriend to me. I love every inch of you, and will always do so. Never doubt that. To hell with what people think. They can go and set up camp in a place where the sun don't shine." He finished, grinning.

You chuckled, running your palm over his slight stubble. You were still apprehensive, but your lover's words calmed you down. He loved you, plain and simple. You felt his love through his actions, his kisses, trailing down your body, lips adorning every mark, every part of your body you had been too ashamed to bare to him. But that stopped today, or atleast you hoped it would. Maybe with time, it would get better. But you knew for sure, that you wouldn't begin your married life with doubts and apprehensions.

You bared yourself to him completely, resisting the urge to dash under the covers. He kissed your dimpled areas, your stretch marks, as if worshipping you and your body with reverance. As he seated himself deep within you, you gasped, staring deep into his eyes, tears forming yet again.

Neither of you were perfect. But that was ok. Because to you, he was perfect, and so were you, to him. And that's all you needed.

P.S. I'll do the taglists tomorrow, post my exam.