#and she sarcastically interrupts me to say oh yesss you can do that tomorrow or the week after or next month who caaaares

[bending-sickle]

not being allowed to be tired after 3 hours at the gym and another hour and a half of dishes laundry and gardening because ~it's not remunerated~ is really galaxy-brained of my mother

[youngcollectedtired]

haikyuu captains x insecure reader who finally feels pretty x reader with a toxic friend

This story has like all of my favorite characters. I don’t even know how long this is but enjoy. 

Warnings? None

Pairings? You’re friends with everyone so... 

Characters? Kuroo, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Bokuto, Sugawara, and... others 

You’d admit you’d had friends in your past. People who’d undermine your relationship. One relationship had scarred you in more ways than one and another had shown you what it meant to have true friends. If you were being honest, you never thought you deserved any better, and standing up for yourself against her seemed harder than it looked.

You'd tried in the past but you'd gotten nowhere, your friend attempting to blame your anxiety, depression and other health issues for the causes to your change. She'd blamed you for things you couldn't control and you believed her.  Believed that it was your fault, that your change was negative. She'd manipulated you into believing that she couldn't be herself around you and that was your fault. That you were sensitive and that jokes don't hurt.

Slowly you realized your worth but no matter how many times you tried to help her understand how you felt... everything was suddenly your fault. None of it made sense, to your or your friends. You tried.

You did.

So tell me why after 7 years of blind friendship and 3 years of taking the blame and hiding behind a mask one silly thing ended it all?

Why after all that did it take that one tiny moment to break you?

Funny enough you were hanging out with friends. The captains of the volleyball teams, frenemies and rivals alike. You all we’re hanging out a few of your friends meeting you guys soon. The mall wasn’t as packed as you’d expected and you were grateful.

You had a few things to do while hanging out with the guys. Today was your day.

You’d traded your long sleeve, big sweaters and heavy jeans for something you’d been planning on wearing for awhile.

Bootcut fitted jeans, tank top, and a button down tight sweater. You’d never felt more beautiful with your makeup look, vans for shoes and jewelry. Everything fit perfectly.

To make the day even better you just so happened to get paid yesterday and cash in your $100 bonus.

Sugawara nudged your shoulder, “you’re sparkling more than usual today.”

You smiled, “I don’t know I just feel...” you didn’t know how to describe it. Was it confident? No you just felt, “pretty.”

A soft look passed in his eyes, “you’re always pretty,” he added, guiding you to the others.

Having heard his statement the others smiled, “yesss you are!” Bokuto hugged you quickly, as Kuroo smirked, “today’s look is different you sexy thing you.”

You blushed not expecting that compliment much less from him. Their words of encouragement made you feel even more confident and pretty.

Your mood however changed as a familiar ring tone shook your purse.

Lena 💋: what are you doing today?

Distracted for a moment by Bokuto who shook you and waved wildly at your friends. You instantly grinned forgetting about the message you’d read.

“Guys, thanks for coming!” You hugged all three girls.

Jasmine laughed, “you think I’d pass up a moment for our third piercing together? I think not!”

Reese rolled her eyes, “well what are we waiting for?” Everyone crowded the girls walking with them and complimenting their outfits. Oikawa and Iwaizumi not too far from behind them.

You stepped up to the crowd prepared to give your own compliments only to be stopped by a buzz.

Lena 💋: so you’re gonna read that and not respond? some friend you are

You knew she was joking. That was in her character. But dang.

You 🦋✨: sorry I’m out with some friends.

You looked up, “you guys look amazing!” And quickly added before another ding interrupted your mid compliment.

“Sorry,” you smiled sheepishly to the girls before walking to the side.

Lena 💋: you mean the boys? Oh

You 🦋✨: some boys some girls, but what?

You knew what was up but you wanted her to say it.

Lena 💋: I just thought we were gonna hang out today

You knew she knew you had plans today. In fact you’d told her when you could this week and she’d been excited for you.

You tried to be nice. You did. But it was getting harder and harder too.

Lena 💋: are you sure you should be out? what if your chronic pain acts up and you burden them?

You should have seen this coming. This wasn’t the first time. And you had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last. You were so tempted to close your phone.

Jasmine could see you on the side and to be truthful everyone else did too. They figured it was important if you’d stepped away.

Reese sighed, “let me guess it’s Lena?”

Jasmine shrugged, “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Caylie your other friend groaned, “today was a good day and now y/n is sad,” and true to her word your mood had deflated drastically.

The others followed her gaze again to see that to be true. Your eyes were on the floor and you messed with your outfit clumsily as if second guessing. You pulled your purse down unzipping it, they’d heard the banging and clanking and they saw your determined eyes as you found what you were looking for.  

You began rapidly texting.

Jasmine and Oikawa walked up to you. (Oikawa mainly to greet and compliment you.) That didn’t really matter once they both saw the last few messages.  

Y/n 🦋✨: I’m fine I brought my medicine.

Lena 💋: that stuff will end up killing you before your actual disease

Jasmine was furious. What kind of person would say that? Oikawa was confused. How could this be the same girl he’s seen so many pictures of you with?

Lena 💋: anyways I miss you can we at least meet tonight?

You bit your lip debating on how to tell her that you’d be spending all day with your friends and the night with the girls. She didn’t like your friends hating how they “stole” you away so to speak.

You began typing slowly attempting to form your thoughts.

Y/n 🦋✨: I have plans tonight too and possible tomorrow what about maybe Monday or Tuesday afternoon?

Lena 💋: 🙄 lameeeee

You rolled your eyes and everyone saw it. You gripped your phone tighter. To be honest you didn't want to hangout, you'd dreaded it the last few times, but you’d done what you could. You tried to make new plans and you’d even held conversation while you’re supposed to be with your friends. You felt bad to be texting someone else while hanging out. You hoped they could forgive you.

Y/n 🦋✨: you’re lame Lena

And you turned off your phone. You looked up to see the concerned look of your friends.

You smiled sheepishly as if trying to hide your frustrations. But they’d seen it first hand.

Caylie frowned, “Was that Lena?”

You looked away your eyes falling on the sidewalk on the outside of the mall.

Jasmine shook her head, “You can’t ignore her today?”

You shrugged, “She wanted to hangout today.”

Reese was fuming, “I’ve seen you guys texts these past few days she knew you were busy today and she was even excited for you,” she added confused, “what game is she playing?”

Sugawara furrowed his eyebrows, “Game?”

Oikawa jumped in exchanging glances with Jasmine and you, “Wait Is this that girl who’s been your friend for years? That Lena?”

You nodded slowly tired.

You tried to ignore the buzzing only imagining what she could be saying.

Kuroo humorlessly laughed, “She seems desperate sounds like she doesn’t have a life.”

Reese snorted at his words, “I’ve been trying to say that for years now.”

Akaashi was confused, “I’m sorry how long have you guys been friends?”

Caylie, Reese and Jasmine turned to you.

You smiled nervously, “Give or take 11 years?”

Kuroo’s eyes bulged, “11 years and she treats you like that?”

Jasmine clapped, “thank you!”

You shrugged, “I met her when I was 5 and we were kids so you know the first few years we were friends. Close even. And now we’ve slowly grown apart,” you sighed pulling out your phone, “I want to take a step back and she wants to be roommates,” you smiled emptily.

Everyone could see how this affected you. Your mood changed so quickly. Almost as if you were tired of it or her. They knew you’d never want admit it not wanting to hurt her feelings but from what they’d seen she didn’t care about you like you cared for her. Her friendship had drained you. And today those few moments proved it. To them at least.

You opened your eyes surprised to see 43 messages and more coming.

Jasmine and Oikawa took the initiate to look over your shoulder.

“Holy crap!” Oikawa exclaimed, “she has no respect for your time or for you!”

That grabbed everyone else’s attention. Reese was prepared to fight and Caylie was concerned for you.

You attempted to calm everyone down, "Guys she didn't say anything mean-," you cut yourself short your phone recognizing your face as the messages finally showed.

They weren't mean, but you could tell by the way she worded things she was prepared for a fight. Whether it was sarcastic or not, you were sure it would all depend on how you answered.

She'd caught you at a bad time to make jokes.

Lena 💋: How am I lame? Come on with it y/n.... how?    

That was the first three messages and the next 40 were counting in order to spam you.

Kuroo shook his head scrolling through messages himself careful not to click on them, "She's crazy!"

You groaned, of course you had to ruin everyone's mood with your own problems. You pulled your screen down, hitting the moon to silence calls. Everyone you wanted to talk to would either be meeting you soon or was right in front of you.

You smiled, "Sorry guys my phone is silenced, so i won't be worrying about her until after we hang out," you pushed your phone into your purse, "Yall now have my full attention."

Oikawa beamed, "About time! So happy you're fully with us now."

Caylie grinned, "I'm proud of you."

Reese furrowed her eyebrows, "You know she's gonna give you hell later right?"

You shrugged. On the inside you were terrified. The longer you don't answer the more agitated she'll get until eventually she won't even be able to talk to you without insulting every inch of your being. You'd been there before and thinking about it made your bones ache. You looked up seeing various faces, some proud, some confused and others nervous.

"Yeah, but today is about us, so let's enjoy it."

[mazzelloiii]

Cheesy Christmas songs - TGIC gift for @fallingprincess

hi @fallingprincess, i’m your secret santa for the fantastic Thank God It’s Christmas event organized by @dtfrogertaylor ❤️ i hope you have a great day filled with many many amazing things!!!!!!!!!!!

this is your gift, a lil Ben x reader fic i wrote. hope you like it!

title: Cheesy Christmas songs

pairing: Ben Hardy x reader (but the whole borhap squad is in it)

warnings: none, really. (i just wanted to say that english is not my first language, so if there are spelling mistakes or wrong structures or whatever, just let me know)

words count: 2.2k

summary: Since you moved to England, your life has been nothing but work. With Christmas just around the corner, you find yourself hating everything holiday-related because you don’t have anyone to share the magic of Christmas with. Or do you?

Christmas was all around you. Decorations were hanging everywhere you went, people overcrowded the streets with their hands full of bags, still shopping for presents, and you could hear All I want for Christmas is you or Baby it’s could outside in every shop, café, even in your workplace and in your apartment, coming from your neighbours’ place.

It was a downright nightmare.

You hated it, and so you had been in a bad mood since the beginning of December.

To be fair, it wasn’t that you hated Christmas per se.

Actually, you loved it when you had the chance to spend it with your family and go all out, hanging mistletoe everywhere in your house and putting a massive tree up in your living room, drinking hot chocolate and blasting Michael Bublé’s entire discography at all hours of the day. Yes, you were just like all those Christmas-crazed people in the streets you had almost yelled at.

But this year… everything had changed. You had moved to another country, and that meant that you didn’t get to see your family during the holidays, and that already put you in a bad mood. Add to that the fact that even though it was the holidays you were going to work most days, because you needed as much money as possible to pay your rent, and that you hadn’t met more than a couple people since moving, and it all explained why you were acting like the Grinch.

You couldn’t help it, really. You wished you could spend the holidays being carefree and light-hearted, but it was all so much… you felt overwhelmed.

Having responsibilities really sucks, you thought while retrieving your small apartment’s keys from the pocket to open the door.

In that very moment your phone started to ring.

-One moment, just one fucking moment!-you yelled, as if whoever was calling you could hear you.

It probably was an advertisement call, or your boss telling you that you had to cover someone’s shifts.

When you saw the caller ID, your eyebrows shot up in surprise.

Lucy. She was a coworker, a fun girl you really enjoyed talking to in between shifts or during breaks, but you still weren’t so close that you would dare to call her a friend. Even though the relationship you had with her was probably the closest thing to a friendship you had made since moving in that goddamn place called England.

You answered, curious as to why she was calling you. You had never talked on the phone, nor you had exchanged texts.

-y/n! Fucking finally!-she said with a laugh. You could hear other people talking in the background, as well as music. Needless to say-a Christmas song.

-Sorry, I was opening the door…-you replied, a little embarassed.

-Oh, it’s okay. Don’t worry. I was calling to invite you to the fucking-best-Christmas-Eve-party eveeeer!

She had sung the last part, and you heard whoever was with her laughing and mocking her.

-Oh yeah, she’s definitely coming after that stunt-said a deep voice, while another added:-Sorry if I tell you this, Luce, but singing is not your greatest skill.

You thought for a moment. Why was she inviting you? You weren’t even that close… and she was clearly in good company already. Was it out of pity?

-Listen, Lucy, thanks for the offer, really, I appreciate it, but I’m really tired, so I think I’ll just get in bed really early…

She interrupted you mid-speech:-Oh, stop already with that, Grumpy! Come on, you’ll have fun. My friends want to meet girls and at first I got really offended because they have me and don’t appreciate me enough, but then I thought that they would really like my amazing coworker. So just come… please?

Despite everything, you found yourself smiling.

Maybe… it wasn’t a bad idea, after all?

You had just got home from a shift, and your next one was tomorrow afternoon. You had plenty of time to stay home nursing a hangover in case things got a little too crazy at that party… for fuck’s sake, you deserved some fun.

-Yes, Lucy. I’m coming.

-Yesss! I’ll text you the address. Come as soon as you can.

Maybe your Christmas was going to be a little less shitty than you originally thought.

 You got out of the uber, trying to find balance on your heels. You had been trying to find the right outfit for what felt like forever, finally opting for a simple red dress that showed your shoulders, elegant but not too much. Then you had put on a layer of mascara and a coat of lipstick.

You didn’t want to look like you had put too much effort into it, even though it was the first social event you were attending since moving to England.

You approached Lucy’s building and quickly got in, feeling a little nervous as you found the right floor and rang the bell over the tag that said Boynton.

The door opened and you found yourself in front of a guy with blond hair and the most striking blue eyes you had ever seen. He was tall and quite muscular, but he was wearing the most obnoxious Christmas jumper you had ever seen, red and green with little Santas in different positions all over it.

-Nice jumper-you grinned.

He immediately blushed at your words.

-I’m Ben, and I don’t usually wear clothes this ugly, I swear-he said-you must be y/n.

You shook hands and you felt a shiver go through your body at the contact… who knew Lucy had such attractive friends?

When you walked through the door, you were welcomed with the smell of baked cookies and the view of Lucy sprawled across a couch with another guy, plus Ben who had just joined them.

-y/n!-Lucy yelled-come here, join us, I want you to meet everyone!

You sat with them and the guy introduced himself as Rami. He seemed quiet but fun, and he and Lucy were quite the pair, him all silent and her screaming at the top of her lungs.

-Sorry for her, when she drinks she always gets like this…-Rami explained to you with a smile.

-I didn’t drink anything! Stop saying bad things about me, you meanies-she retorted with a pout, then she hugged Rami and put her head on his chest.

Ben gave you a meaningful look and stretched you his hand to take:-Why don’t we go see what Joe and Gwil are doing, y/n?

You took his hand and he led you to the kitchen just around the corner, where two other men seemed busy with a tray of gingerbread. Ben’s hand left yours, and you had to stop yourself from reaching for it again. It had felt so warm…

-y/n, you are here! Come taste our cookies-said the shorter man of the two, who had reddish brown hair, with an American accent.

You felt kinda dizzy for a moment, realizing that in only five minutes you had had more social interactions than you had in months.

You smiled and took a cookie from the tray.

 -These things you baked… what the fuck are them?

Ben’s question caused Gwilym and Joe’s immediate indignation: the tall Welshman you had met in the kitchen flipped him off, while the other man blew him a raspberry.

You just laughed at their shenanigans.

The four of you were sitting on the living room floor, on the carpet right next to the Christmas tree, sipping hot chocolate and eating gingerbread cookies. Rami and Lucy were on the couch engulfed in each other’s arms, their eyes closed but not quite asleep yet.

-Really, were they supposed to be gingerbread men? This one I’m eating looks more like a rugby ball.

-Shut up. y/n likes them. Don’t you, y/n?

You nodded exaggeratedly at Joe’s question.

-Yes. They are perfect. Don’t listen to this one, he’s just mean-you said, gesturing to the blond man sitting right next to you.

At your words, Ben’s mouth gaped.

-Et tu, Brute?

You shrugged and showed him your tongue.

-I thought you were on my side-he pouted.

-Aw, but I am, you poor thing-you replied sarcastically, but you couldn’t help but smile at his petulant expression.

-Doesn’t seem like it.

You comforted him with a caress to his shoulder, and out of the corner of your eye you saw Gwilym and Joe exchanging a glance and smirking.

You felt your face heat up.

Was it that obvious that you were really flirting with him? But most importantly, was he flirting back?

-So, are they… a thing?-you said out of the blue pointing to Lucy and Rami, trying to divert the general attention from you and Ben.

-Not officially. They are making us suffer so much, for fuck’s sake. It’s so obvious that they are into each other, but first there’s Lucy coming to us worried that Rami doesn’t like her back, then Rami calls me and says he’s sure Lucy doesn’t like him like that. It’s like being back in middle school, Christ-Gwilym answered, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling.

-And you, y/n? Do you have someone special, a boyfriend, girlfriend?-Ben asked you nonchalantly.

-Oh, no. I moved here just a few months ago… I barely have any time to eat or sleep, left alone to find a boyfriend-you said, a little embarassed.

-And no one’s tried to make a move on you? Wow.

You didn’t know what to answer to that, so you just chuckled lightly. So he was flirting back with you.

-Ben, why don’t you show y/n the balcony? Gwil and I will go make some other cookies, since you ate all of them-Joe said, getting up and heading to the kitchen with the other man.

-Shall we go?-Ben asked you, extending you his hand.

You took a deep breath and took it, nodding.

 -Pretty, isn’t it?-Ben asked you.

You were on the small balcony of Lucy’s house, looking down at the park just across from it.

-I mean, it’s not the greatest view, but it’s really rare to find a house with a balcony in London-he added right after.

You nodded and leaned against the white wall next to you, closing your eyes and enjoying the cold air of the night against your face.

Then you let it all go.

-Tonight seems so crazy to me. I hadn’t been around people like this in so much time… I only worked and studied, and barely took care of myself. Hanging with you guys made me realize that this is all real… I really moved and my life is continuously changing every day. And I’m so fucking terrified.

He turned and looked at you, but remained silent.

-This is all such a cliché-you laughed then. The whole situation seemed absurd.

He looked startled at you.

-What is?

-Everything. Me, my life right now, you flirting with me and taking me out to show me the balcony… I thought you would use a better excuse to get me alone, to be honest.

He snorted at your words.

-This was all Joe’s doing, actually. He tries to be a good wingman, but I would do much better on my own. Is it working, by the way?

-What?

-Me flirting with you.

You felt butterflies fluttering in your stomach but tried to hide it with a snarky smirk.

-Oh… I’ll have to think about it. Try harder, maybe?

He rolled his eyes, then his face became serious and he took your hand into his gently, giving you time and space to retract it if you wanted. You didn’t.

-And about what you said… I get it. Moving away from home is scary and hard, and you are a hero for enduring it all on your own for so much time. But you don’t have to figure it all out alone. We are all ready to help you if you want. Lucy, Rami, Joe, Gwil and me, of course. I can be your friend, before we try to be anything else, if you want to.

-Wow, I… Thank you.

You were at a loss of words, and you could feel your eyes welling up with tears. Don’t cry, don’t fucking cry now, you told yourself.

You hadn’t realized how difficult it all had become to do everything on your own and not have anyone to share your daily life with, and now you were feeling all the weight you hadn’t even known was on your shoulders leaving you, and the sense of relief was amazing. You didn’t have to do it all alone. Thanks God.

Before you could say anything else you felt loud cheers coming from inside the house, and then someone put on Mariah Carey’s All I want for Christmas is you.

Ugh, cheesy Christmas songs. Maybe you could start to like them again, after all.

-Looks like it’s midnight. Merry Christmas, y/n.

You smiled at Ben. Then you did something that surprised even yourself: you got closer to him, so close that you could feel his breath on your face, and gently put your lips against his.

He immediately responded to the kiss, putting his hands on your middle.

It was quick and sweet, just a brush of lips against lips.

When you pulled away, you both had your cheeks red.

-Merry Christmas, Ben-you whispered.

Maybe your holidays weren’t going to be as bad as you originally thought.

[caroline18mars]

Into the night - Chapter 112

Enough, enough, he had enough, she wanted war? Fine, she could have a war! He had bent over backwards trying to be the perfect boyfriend, being patient, leaving his old life behind, but no more, what the hell for? And who had he been kidding all this time? Jared stomped down the stairs, anger seriously clouding his vision. But no more, this ended right here and right now, after all did he really want to spend the rest of his life waiting for the next drama to unfold? No, he didn't! And with her everything had been drama, over the timespan of what? A year? First her brother dying, then taking a child in that she couldn't even properly take care of, her heart, getting kidnapped, what the hell was next? Death? Whatever, he wasn't going to sit around any longer and play house, he had things to do with his time, yeah, he had a fuckin' life to get back to, a life that was stacked with exciting things like his music, his acting, a girl in every city, that was what he needed, not sit around and be with an 80-year old hidden in the body of a 30-year old, oh no! He grabbed his carkeys and his wallet and stepped out into the warm night, a night that was filled with new promises, and let the door slam behind him on his way out. The next morning, Shannon heard his brother's voicemail message roll into his ear for the third time and he disconnected the call with a smile, that much needed time alone for them..they were clearly making the most of it. His doorbell rang through his happy grin which completely dissapeared as he opened the door “Jared? What the hell are you doing here?” he gasped and took a step forward to check if Jordan was with him “where's Jordan? Is something wrong?”, but the only answer he got was a grunt as his brother pushed past him, the poignant smell of liquor dancing around him. “Jay?” Shannon followed him into the kitchen, his heart pounding in his throat “what the hell happened? Is Jordan ok?”, Jared spun on his heels, swaying in the process, “Don't know, don't care, and neither should you, it's done, over, finito” he hiccuped. Shannon closed his eyes with a painful grimace, trying to digest what he was hearing “Ok, so you had a huge fight, all you need to do is sober up, and from the looks of it , it's gonna be a stifling hang over!..alright, come on, I'll drive you home, you're gonna drink a lot of water on the way over there and then you're going to eat some humble pie and sort things out with her”. Shannon walked over to his fridge to get his brother a bottle of water but when he handed it to him, Jared just shook his head “No, I'm not going back there!” and sat down with a sigh. Shannon swallowed hard, he didn't want to push him, but there was Jordan's dire situation to think of and the sooner he got to the bottom of this, the sooner they could sort things out and get on with their happily ever after “ok, fine, but I'm gonna need coffee before I face this shit”. Jared just sat there, trying to avoid staring at his brother's nervous moves because they made him nauseous “Ok, so you didn't spend the night home..dare I ask where you did spend it then? And don't tell me that you were at a bar, because that's pretty obvious, I'm just asking because if there were paps that spotted you, then we might have to nip the gossip in the bud..you know a drunk Jared in a bar on his own, people will start speculating”. Jared nervously shuffled on his seat “It wasn't a bar, it was a club and I wasn't alone” he breathed while Shannon's own breath hitched in his throat “ok..from the beginning please?” as he put a mug of steaming coffee in front of his brother.

Was it the coffee sobering him up or his level of adrenalin that finally started to drop? Either way the guilt was defintely starting to catch up with him “We..uhm..had a huge fight..” he mumbled, squinting his eyes as the piping hot liquid rolled down his throat. “No shit Sherlock! Well that's pretty obvious, what the hell did you fight about now?” Shannon sat down next to him, “everything..she was just distant all night and when I asked her about it, she accused me of cheating on her” just talking about it sent shivers down his spine. “Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy” Shannon huffed sarcastically, ���for fuck's sakes Shannon, this isn't funny, do you want to hear this or not?” Jared snapped, “sorry..go on” his brother raised his hands and eyebrows in defeat. “Anyway..we went to bed and..” he sighed, shaking his head under the painful memory “all of a sudden she starts accusing me of throwing up a smoke screen, saying that me wanting to spend some time together is just some cover up for me wanting to fuck her..I didn't even touch her!”. Shannon took a deep breath but let his brother talk, “and all of  sudden she starts shouting at me that I'm not happy with our sex life” he continued but this time Shannon interrupted him “and are you?” he asked dryly. Jared's head shot up”yeah..no..of course..yeah sure..I guess” he stammered, “wow..that sounds convincing” Shannon took another sip of his coffee “so you decided that you were so happy with your sex life that you celebrated by fucking some random chick?”. Jared leaned back in his chair, his brother's harsh, confronting words penetrating his ears and making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up “I don't know..by the time I showed up on her doorstep, I was drunk already..I don't know if anything happened, I don't remember anything except for getting even more drunk..the last thing I know is waking up on her couch..with her”. Shannon felt the wind being knocked out of him and he didn't know why, why was this affecting him so much? They had survived so many insdiscretions along the way, his brother's, his own, but they were younger then..there was so much more at stake right now, ok, he hadn't exactly been Jordan's biggest fan in the beginning, but gradually she had gotten under his skin, she was finishing what Charlotte had started doing with Jared..making him a better man and yeah..he looked up to that, what Jared and Jordan had, gave him hope..hope for himself, that he too could find someone who he would want to spend the rest of his life with and be absolutely content with. “So now what? What am I gonna do?” Jared's words brought him back to reality, “I don't know..I think you should ask yourself if you really love Jordan?” he coldly said, “what? Of course! Of course I love her!” Jared's head shot up. “Really? Because screwing some other chick after a fight, isn't exactly a good sign, now is it? What the fuck were you thinking? Oh wait, you weren't thinking at all, not with your head anyway! You're not even thinking about her right now, because you haven't even done as much as asked yourself if Jordan is ok! Why should you? Huh? It's not like she's on some donor list for a new heart, now is she? And why should you care, right? She's out of your life anyway, if she hears what you've done to her”.

The ringing of the doorbell pierced through Jordan's vegetative state as she sat on the bed where she had been staring at the same wall for over an hour after what she thought would be a reinvigorating shower, at first she just ignored it but when it kept ringing, she reluctantly pushed herself up from the side of the bed, hoping it wasn't Jared who had lost his key, she just couldn't face him right now. “Jordan McLeod?” the delivery guy read the name on his terminal and handed her a brown enveloppe after she confirmed her identity, “sign here please”, Jordan scribbled her name on the screen of the terminal and slowly turned to get back inside, kicking the door shut with her foot. Her nervous fingers pushed under the seal of the enveloppe and ripped it open, her eyes flew over the words and her stomach dropped with every sentence, no, not this, not now, fuck! Jordan slowly walked into the dining room, her heart thumping in her chest, she quickly sat down and tried to calm her hammering heart, think, Jordan, just think, there's got to be a way..she closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. Behind her, a key was put in the lock of the frontdoor and Noah was the first to storm back into the house, “Aunt Jordan? I'm ba-a-ack”, he called out for her but she was too lost in her own thoughts to even hear all the commotion of the entire family coming home again. “AUNT JORDAN” he shouted, standing next to her and she jumped up, looking at her nephew with bewildered eyes, “Oh..you're back..I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in” she gasped, her breath coming out in spurts as she quickly hugged the boy and then sat down again to catch her breath. “What are you reading?” Noah crawled on her lap but just when he wanted to grab the letter on the table, she put her hand on it and quickly folded it back into the enveloppe “oh..uh..nothing..so did you have a good time?” she quickly changed the subject. “Oh yesss, we watched a scary movie, Victor was really scared but I wasn't..and then Shannon made us hot chocolate, it was really fun, aunt Jordan” the boy rambled. “I bet it was..” Jordan mumbled, doing her best to hide her sadness as she looked at Shannon and Jared “anyway,  why don't you go unpack while I go make us all something to eat” she let Noah slide off her lap and got up, feeling Jared's eyes burn into her back on her way to the kitchen. Just when she put the pot of water on the stove for the pasta, the door opened behind her and Nahla walked in “I'll help” Nahla offered, “oh..no, it's ok, I can manage, go sit with the others, you're on holiday” Jordan forced a smile. “We were on holiday, it's gonna be rainy London again soon” Nahla sighed, making Jordan spin on her heels “what? You're leaving? When?” this day was just one blow after the other, “tomorrow..Omar needs to go back to work and me and the kids need to go back to school”. Jordan felt like she was nailed to the floor “Oh..yeah of course! I understand..it's just that..we hardly got to spend any time together or talk..with everything that..happened, you know?..” she mumbled, trying her utter best not to sound as upset and devastated as she was feeling. “I know..but we can talk now if you want..maybe it's none of my business but are you ok? I mean, with Jared showing up at Shannon's house this morning..I thought you two needed some time alone last night?” Nahla asked with a genuine worry in her voice. “Oh that..no we're fine” Jordan lied as she started chopping some tomatoes, there was no way she was going to worry her friend with her troubles if there were thousands of miles between them again tomorrow, she had fucked up her friend's holiday more than enough with all her shenanigans and she was determined to make Nahla's last day here in LA a happy one, she would deal with the rest later.

Jared kept his eyes solely fixed on Jordan as she pushed the food around her plate, would she ever look at him again? She kept up this brave face, pretending to be genuinely interested in everyone's stories, “I'll just go make us some coffee” she got up and took some empty plates with her into the kitchen. “Go..go talk to her” Shannon whispered to Jared who sat back in his chair biting his lip, “just go, you're both miserable as hell, you can't keep this silence up forever, you're gonna have to take the first step in this”. Shannon was right, but this was so hard..his hands folded around the arms of his chair and taking a deep breath he finally gathered the courage to get up. “Hey..” behind her she could hear the door open and his voice instantly made her freeze on the spot, “hey..” she breathed nervously without turning around, she just couldn't face him right now. “Are you ok?” he stepped a little closer but she stubbornly kept her back turned to him, cleaning the plates before she put them in the dishwasher, “I'm fine, not that it's any of your business, you weren't exactly worried about me last night, so why start now, huh?” she straightened her back and Jared finally saw his chance to grab her arm and turn her around to face him. “Jordan, listen to me, I love you and I'm always worried about you, it's just that last night..” his mind was racing, all of a sudden he wasn't too sure if he should tell her what had happened like he intended to do. “Last night was a disaster, and I said some things that I didn't necessarily mean” Jordan eased up on him, she was gonna need Jared for everything that was about to go down in the next few days “..Nahla told me that you stayed at Shannon's house, so I guess I owe you an apology for jumping to conclusions”. Jared's heart skipped a beat, this was the worst timing ever to be honest to her but if he didn't then the lie would only start spinning out of control “Jordan..I..” he shook his head, trying to make the impact of the blow as small as possible “I..uhm..didn't spend the night at Shannon's”. Jordan's eyes shot up, turning really pale all of a sudden when he continued “I..was really angry when I left here last night..I needed to get out..and ended up in a club..” she already didn't want to listen to anything he had to say anymore, because she knew this wasn't gonna be a happy ending, but she let him finish, “I got really, really drunk..I know that's not an excuse but then I got a text..and I showed up on some girl's doorstep”. Jordan had to hold on to the kitchen counter, she felt like she had just been kicked in the stomach with this news “I see..and you fucked her, right?..classic”, Jared stepped closer to her and tried to explain “no..yes..I don't know..I was drunk, I only remember waking up on her couch with her.” But Jordan took a step to the side, away from him “and that makes it alright, does it? You being drunk and not remembering? I knew it, I just knew it” she breathed heavily like she was starting to hyperventilate but when Jared touched her arm she jumped “DON'T.TOUCH.ME”. Jared could feel his heart shatter in a million pieces “I'm sorry, Jordan, please hear me out, I..” he tried but she kept shaking her head “no, Jared..I don't need to hear any of this anymore..now, it's Nahla's last night and I'm trying to make it a memorable one for her alright? So why don't you go to your fuckbuddy and we'll discuss the details later, ok?” she said in an icecold voice.