#and she said that she's get the stuff for a recipe I've made before and really really like :D

[anthromimicry]

[alex-just-vibing]

I remember baking a lot when I was little, you should totally try it! Nothing like the smell of dough or batter!

I know!! I love baking so much! And the taste of dough is good too! (don't eat too much tho lol)

[konigsblog]

Hi! This is my first time asking something :D 

Do you do anything, not nsfw? And if so, what would some random könig headcanons you agree with? Like habits and stuff you’d think he’d do? (does that make sense lmao)

If you just do nsfw you could make them nsfw headcanons.. Or just combine both aha

**HII.. i do write for sfw and fluff, as well as angst it's just not really requested as much as smut :) but here, hope you enjoy this!!! 🌙

silly könig headcannons

⭒ mentions of weed use, fluff.. 🌷���

⭒könig who prefers cats over dogs. they're quieter and calmer, has a ginger cat called ‘spice’ that's fiesty to new people. he loves the animal to death, and hands it to his oma when he's on deployment.

⭒i've mentioned this before, but i feel like könig was in a band as a kid, just a school one. he played the drums and was pretty emo in his teenager years...

⭒he sleeps in the weirdest positions. he'll either wake up with his body contorted into different ways, his arms above his head and across his chest with his legs intertwined with eachother.

⭒he's an easily jealous person, always top of his classes and getting 100% on his tests. his mother always wanted the best outcome for her son, so she was shocked when he decided to join the kommando spezialkräfte instead of becoming a doctor or a lawyer.

⭒has 100% attempted to get up but fell because his legs were stuck and tangled in his bedsheets.

⭒gets second hand embarrassment far too easily. he's cringing on the inside when someone does/says something stupid.

⭒absolutely hates the summer. it's horrible; everybody's sweaty and stinks, missions make him want to peal his skin off. definitely prefers autumn/winter.

⭒his favourite food to eat whilst sick is soup, a special homemade soup him and his mother made together while growing up. her own special recipe that he only teaches to his closest of friends.

⭒loves late night conversations. they're so deep and understanding, chatting for hours 'til your jaw hurts and the sun his peaking through the curtains.

⭒either drinks black coffee, really bitter. or drinks the most sugary coffee ever, no in-between. (tell me your opinions)

⭒is a morning person. gets up early and has his breakfast, something quick and easy, like toast or porridge (oatmeal), has a morning shower 'nd everything. (i love adding salt to my porridge/oatmeal)

⭒hates when people say germany and austria are the same. will definitely have a whole rant about the differences 'til you understand fully.

⭒smokes weed a lot, pretty much an addict. he says it's to calm his nerves down but he gradually started doing it more and more often. a stoner fs.

⭒enjoys movies, a lot. he loves sitting down with a blanket beside him, covered in orange cat hair. will probably make a bowl of popcorn to eat whilst watching, but ends up eating it all before he's even 30 minutes in.

big, bear hugs. we all know that the big, brute and towering man gives amazing hugs, but he really wants to lay atop of you, to cage you with his warmth.

⭒has a tendency to over share, rants sometimes while pretending to be confident, finding anything to talk about before feeling a bit uncomfortable with what he'd said.

⭒isn't shy. it's my biggest pet peeve when people make könig out to be someone shy, scared, ect.. he's not shy, he's socially anxious, but that doesn't make him quiet. he either puts on a front and pretends to be confident with a cocky, loud personality.

⭒absolutely adores milk. he drinks like a gallon in two days, that's why he's 6’10.

⭒enjoys mint chocolate chip ice cream, hates strawberry, especially if they have chunks. (self projecting)

⭒enjoys doing the dishes, finds it satisfying. until he touches food and gags.

⭒avid banana hater, the texture to the taste, everything about it makes him feel ill.

⭒listens to music for hours, usually something rock or heavy metal, loud music in his ears and the loud explosions gives him some hearing damage.

⭒usually smells woodsy, fresh cut trees and vanilla.

⭒germaphobe. doesn't like being near people when they're sick and will avoid them, probably because he gets sick too easily, despite having a strong immune system.

⭒isn't a very emotional person, he has sympathy for others but can't express it through tears and emotions. he's cold and aggressive to the recruits, blaming them for his issues because he struggles taking blame and fault for situations and needs a punching bag.

⭒owned a fish when he was around 7, cried because it died. turns out it was alive and he saw it swim down the toilet. never got another fish again, traumatized.

⭒doesn't like being told he's in the wrong, will refuse and deny it 'til he's forced to either apologise or end the friendship.

⭒curly ginger, or wavy ginger, you can't change my mind.

⭒doesn't really understand tiktok that much, or instagram. not really something that he's interested in, but occasionally uses twitter for like 5 minutes.

⭒has anemia, or iron deficiency. takes a couple naps a day because he doesn't like taking his supplements.

these are all i could think off 😵‍💫 tell me your personal headcannons!!

banner credit; @cafekitsune

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

First thanksgiving (Kelley O'Hara x Reader)

I don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but I wanted to write something about it. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates it!

I don't know if this is any good and it's barely edited, but I hope you enjoy :)

Combination of these two requests:

I don't celebrate Thanksgiving so I think it would be cute if the player (I don't know who, can be anyone) teach R about the tradition and the foods and maybe R try to cook a family recipe and everything just been cozy and cute!

and

r x Christen or Kelley meeting c or k's family for the first time at thanksgiving, because r isn't a soccer player.

Words: 3.2k

Kelley headed for me as soon as she got home, slotting herself against me and the back of the couch. I had been lying down watching tv, but turned toward her to wrap my arms around her, pecking her lips. "Hi love. How was your day?"

"Long, but could have been worse. I missed you today. How did your interview go?"

I held Kelley closer, kissing her forehead, "I missed you too Kel. I think it went pretty well. They said they'll get back to me after thanksgiving. I'm still thinking about saving a bit more money and starting my own business. I already have a good chunk away."

"If you do, I'll support you every step of the way. I think you'll make a very sexy boss."

I rolled my eyes, pinching Kelley side making her squeal before leaving a lingering kiss against her lips, "Of course you do."

"Hey um talking about thanksgiving. I hope it's okay, but I told my parents about us and they invited you to thanksgiving. So um would you want to come?"

We had been together for quite a while, but our relationship had started out a bit complicated and I was gone the majority of the time so Kelley had avoided telling her family until things were a bit more stable. "Why would that not be okay? If you want me there then of course I will come."

"I know you don't know anything about it or celebrate it, but I would like you to come."  

"Then I'll be there."

---

There were ingredients and stuff scattered all over the kitchen, it was a mess so was I, but I was determined to make the best apple pie and pecan pie I could. Despite never making either or ever trying a pecan pie. Kelley said her family loved them so in an anxious, overthinking moment, I had decided to attempt it in hopes of impressing them. Kelley walked in, just stopping and staring at me for a few seconds. 

"What are you doing baby?"

"Um well you said your family likes these pies and I'm a half decent baker so I thought I would try. Maybe impress them. I um I'm going to make some small ones so you can try and tell me if I should just throw them out or not."

Kelley wiped some flour off my cheek before pecking my lips, "A bit nervous are we? Babe my parents will love you regardless of if you baked them a pie or not."

"Two pies actually."

"You're really determined aren't you?" I nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed by what a mess I was over this. "Why don't I help you? I've made them with my parents enough to know how they like it."

That help turned out to be Kelley sitting on the counter, talking about random things and constantly distracting me by pulling me in for make out sessions. The only real help she provided was telling me that her family liked more cinnamon in the apple pie and smaller pieces of pecan. If I actually thought about it, I would have realised she was doing it to stop me overthinking so I could actually enjoy the baking process. Of course it worked. Kelley always had a way of making me calm down, of stopping or at least reducing any overthinking or panicking thoughts. Given my time in the military, it wasn't an uncommon occurrence. 

With the pies in the oven and the timer set, I decided it was time to clean up. As soon as my hands entered the water, Kelley's hands covered my face. Though, her hands happened to be covered in flour. "Oh you little shit." I spun around, bubbles in hand, smearing them over her face. Kelley squealed, trying to run away, but my arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her into me before she could. I rubbed my face against hers transferring some of the flour. 

Kelley turned around in my arms, giggling her ass off, "You look ridiculous."

"Love, you don't look much better."

"We could make it worse." Kelley suggested with a smirk, letting me push her against the counter, lips connecting. Kelley ended up on the counter, me standing between her legs as we lazily made out. Since I got back we had definitely been making up for all the lost time. Pretty much every spare minute was spent either cuddling or kissing in someway. When the timer went off, I pulled away quickly, there was no way I was letting these pies burn. Kelley tried to pull me back in with a whine, but I gently pushed her away, "Nope. Get off, I can't burn the pies."

"Rude."

"You love it."

Later that night after the pies were baked and everything was cleaned up, Kelley and I were relaxing in the bath, her back against my front as I ran my fingers up her arms. Kelley had reassured me multiple times that my pies were pretty much perfect and that her family would love them. I only just believed her, but was trying to push my anxiety away. 

"So what exactly is thanksgiving? I know you eat a bunch of food with family."

"It's pretty much that. Thanksgiving is a time where you spend time with family, eat good food and be thankful to the things you have in your life. That's the short version anyway and all you really need to know."

"I'm thankful for you everyday Kel."

---

My leg had been non-stop bouncing since we left the house. I had met her teammates a few times, but this was different. This was the first time I had ever met any of my partners parents and ultimately Kelley's parents were the most important. Kelley was the only person I had ever imagined spending the rest of my life with, or actually wanted to spend my life with. For that reason I needed Kelley's parents to like me. I knew she loved me, but she also valued her family's opinions over pretty much anything. 

A hand on my knee stopped the bouncing and the lingering kiss momentarily settled the nerves.  "Baby, it'll be okay. Just be yourself and my parents will love you because I love you. Stop thinking too much into it and try to enjoy yourself. When you're ready we can go in okay?"

There was no point in pushing it out any longer so I took a few deep breaths and got out of the car before I freaked myself out more. Kelley laced her fingers with mine, squeezing gently as she knocked on the door. Who I assumed was her mum answered the door, pulling Kelley into a hug before inviting us inside where her dad was waiting.

"Mum, dad this is Y/n. Y/n my mum Karen and my dad Dan."

I held my hand out for her dad who took it with a slightly harder than normal grip, "It's nice to meet you sir." Before moving to kiss her mums cheek, "You look lovely ma'am, it's lovely to meet you."

Karen waved me off, pulling me into a hug instead, "You make us feel old with that sir and ma'am stuff darling, you can call us Karen and Dan."

"I made you some pies."

"Oh yes, Kelley told us you did. Thank you, they look wonderful."

I found myself alone with Dan as Kelley and her mum were doing something in the kitchen. Honestly, it was not a position I wanted to be in especially after only just meeting her parents. The anxiousness was bubbling up again, but I did my best to use my training and hide it. Being anxious in front of Kelley was one thing, being anxious in front of her parents was not ideal. 

Dan sat across from me on the couch, stern look upon his face. I shifted so I was sitting up straighter, legs crossed. "So Y/n, Kelley hasn't told us much about you. What do you do?"

"Um nothing at the moment," I admitted, quickly realising by the look on her dads face that it probably wasn't the right thing to say. I quickly spoke up again, "I was a medic in the army, my contract just ended and I chose not to reenlist. After 16 years, the majority of that away, I decided to take some time to just spend with Kelley and my family. I've started job hunting now."

"I could have guessed that one by the way you greeted us. You'll fit right in, I'm ex-navy and Kelley's brother is currently in the Navy. Are you going to do something healthcare related?"

"She did mention that. When I was younger I wanted to do something healthcare related weather it was a nurse or a doctor, but I joined the Army at 18 instead. There were some things that I experienced that definitely changed my desire to pursue it. I'm currently interviewing for security positions and looking into starting my own company a bit down the road. My dad used to have his own security company and I quite enjoyed hanging around and learning from him when I was a teenager."

He nodded along in understanding before his stoic, stern look reappeared, "How long have you been dating my daughter? What are your intentions with her?"

How long we had been together was a bit complicated. We had been talking to each other and seeing each other when I was on leave for about 2 years before we started officially dating. We were practically a couple during that time, just without the commitment. I didn't want Kelley to have to wait for me every time I went away and couldn't give her what she needed. My past relationship had ended with my ex cheating on me because of that so I didn't want to go through that again.

Kelley later revealed that she had never so much as looked at another person in that time and she had always considered us together. Then she had forced my fears out of me and convinced me to take a chance on her. It was the best decision I had ever made. I wasn't exactly sure what to say, I didn't know what Kelley had told them. Knowing Kelley though she probably included out non-committed dating. "Four years. My intentions are simple, I just want to love and support her for as long as she'll let me. I want to continue to make her laugh over stupid stuff, cheer the loudest at all her games and anything else she chooses to do. I hope to-"

"Dad stop interrogating her," Kelley spoke up, sitting on the arm of the couch, arm wrapping around my shoulders. 

"It's okay love. I can handle it."

Thankfully the interrogation stopped, instead moving into easier questions about my life and relationship with Kelley. The longer we talked the more relaxed I started to feel. They didn't seem to hate me which was a plus. The only thing left was to meet her siblings, which was still causing anxiety, but Kelley was either playing with the baby hairs on the back of my neck or with my fingers. It was enough to keep me in the moment, it always was. I slipped out to use the bathroom only to find my way into the kitchen where Kelley's mum was working on dinner. 

"Do you need any help Karen? I've never made most of this stuff so I can chop stuff up or something if you like."

"You can peel and cut those potatoes then slice the brussels sprouts in half if you like."

"Sure. What sort of food are you making?"

Karen started moving around the kitchen showing me all the different food she was making. There were a few things I had never tried like green bean casserole and stuffing. There was also a few things that I didn't like, one of them being the main component which was turkey. I would eat it anyway out of respect for Karen. Afterall, she was spending hours preparing food for us. After cutting up anything needed, I decided to stay and watch how things were made. There may come a day where Kelley and I hosted thanksgiving so I wanted some idea of what to do. Karen didn't seem to mind as she happily talked through what she was doing, giving me instructions to stir something or hand her things. 

"Mum, have you seen Y- nevermind she's there. What are you two up to?"

My arm wrapped around Kelley's shoulder, lips meeting her temple, "Your mums teaching me things."

"She's a pretty good assistant this one. I don't want to overstep, but I've been meaning to ask why you're not with your family for thanksgiving?"

"No, no not at all. We don't actually celebrate it. We moved here when I was younger and never picked it up, but it's important to Kelley so I'm trying to learn about it."

Kelley smiled up at me, squeezing my hand that still hung over her shoulder, "Erin and Jerry are here. Mum, can I steal your assistant away?"

Karen shooed us out of the room, but I pulled us to a stop just outside, out of the view of anyone. The nerves had hit me once again. Her parents seemed to like me or at least not hate me, now I had to make a good impression on her siblings. It was a lot of pressure because I knew how much Kelley's family meant to her. Kelley looked at me for a second before pulling me in for a tight hug, fingers running through my hair. "You're okay, this will be okay. I'll be right by your side. We can go when you're ready."

---

I found myself cuddled up under a blanket with Kelley outside as she caught up with her siblings. After the initial nervousness of meeting them, we had gotten to talking pretty much instantly. They had asked the same sort of questions as Kelley's parents, just less intense. Thankfully, they seemed to not hate me as well. 

They were doing most of the talking, while I just listened and fiddled with Kelley's fingers. Seeing how happy Kelley was with her family, made me happier than I could express. Her smile was one of my favourite things about her and even after four years, her laugh still made the butterflies in my stomach erupt. 

Just before my mind drifted back to marrying Kelley, her sister spoke up. "About time our girl brought someone home to meet us."

"What's wrong with her?" 

I wasn't sure what to make of that, if it was an insult or not so I kept quiet for now. Kelley on the other hand, didn't. "Jerry! What the hell?"

He put his hands up in surrender, "Sorry, I didn't mean that seriously, it's just you hid her from us for four years, there's got to be something wrong, extra toe? Hidden tail?"

"You're a dork. No, Y/n doesn't have an extra toe or a tail. Maybe don't tell mum and dad this, but things were a bit complicated to start with, I mean we were good, just complicated. Then she was gone on and off for the past two years and things just didn't line up."

"You did long distance?"

Kelley squeezed my hand, cuddling further into me. This time I decided to answer. "We did. I was deployed more than I would have liked, but we made it work."

"Now she's back and she's not allowed to leave me again."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

---

When Kelley was distracted with her siblings, I approached both her mum and dad, "Hey, can I talk to you guys in private for a minute please?"

They lead me to the outside seating area, sitting down across from me as I took a breath to calm me down. "Dan, you asked me earlier what my intentions were with Kelley and I never got to fully answer because she came in. Now I'm not asking permission because I'm not sure she would want that and ultimately it is Kelley's decision. In saying that I did want to let you know that I am planning on proposing to her. Kelley's it for me, there's no one else in this world that I want to spend my life with."

They looked at me for a few seconds before Karen smiled, standing up to hug me, "Good. She loves you so much Y/n. I've never seen my daughter look at anyone like she does you. She's happy, keep her that way and we won't have a problem."

Dan approached me, same stoic look from earlier before holding his hand out to shake, "We appreciate you letting us know. You continue to treat my daughter how she deserves and we'll welcome you to the family with open arms. Do you have a plan?"

"The only thing I want is for her to be happy. I don't have a plan yet, I've had the ring for a while, had it on me constantly since a week or so after I got back. I'm just waiting for the right time I guess. She deserves the best."

Karen smiled, "Maybe you'll find the right time while you guys are here, surrounded by family."

"You'd be okay with that? Me hijacking thanksgiving to propose to Kelley."

"Of course we would. It's a special moment in her life and we want to be apart of that if you want us to be."

"I thinks that's perfect. Do you do that thing where you go around saying what you're thankful for?"

"Not everyone does, but we do."

"Then I have an idea. We should get back though because I can see her looking at us through the window."

Kelley wrapped her arm around my waist to cuddle into my side. If you ever lost Kelley, she would likely be cuddled against me in someway. Every chance she got, she was attached to me. While I used to hate touch, I loved hers. "What were you guys up to? Were they interrogating you again?"

"Your parents were showing me around and we were talking. I wouldn't call it an interrogation so don't worry."

---

We sat around the dinner table filled with food and my nerves were starting to skyrocket again. It was a different type of nerves though, they were more a mixture of excitement, fear and anticipation compared to the anxiety and fear I felt earlier. I was about to ask Kelley to marry me. It was never my intention to do it the first time I was meeting her parents, but they had suggested it. I knew Kelley would love them being there.  Everyone went around saying what they were thankful for before Karen turned to me with a knowing look.

"Y/n, your turn."

My fingers laced with Kelley's which rest on my knee to stop the bouncing, "I'm thankful for a lot in my life, but I'm most thankful for the women who makes me complete. I'm thankful you stayed by my side over the years, even though I know it hasn't been easy. I'm thankful for all the times you make me laugh, the times you've wiped my tears and held me close. There's no one I'm more thankful for than you Kelley. I'm thankful that I get to love you and be loved by you. I love you Kelley, more than I ever thought possible. I will be forever thankful if you would say yes to this question," I stood up, dropping down to one knee and presenting the ring as tears shone in her eyes, "Kelley O'Hara, will you marry me?"

Kelley laughed, pulling me into a tight hug, "Yes, yes of course I will marry you."

"Did you guys know about this?"

Karen smiled, hugging Kelley, "She may have told us earlier. Welcome to the family Y/n."

[sunny374940]

Adventures in baking

Rook has a crush on Emmrich. Rook wants to bake him cookies. He has never baked cookies in his life, but what could go wrong? Lucanis is a good friend. 1k words.

..............

“You can do it, Rook, how hard can it be? You killed a dragon, for fucks sake.”

Rook was muttering to himself. There was a crease between his eyebrows, flour on his shirt and he was fighting a losing battle.

He was standing at the counter of the Lighthouse kitchen, poking at a lump of something that wasn't trying very hard to be dough.

He rubbed his forehead, managing to get the offending substance stuck into his hair.

“Shit!” he cursed loudly in frustration.

“Rook, what are you doing?” Lucanis was standing in the pantry doorway, watching him with an arched eyebrow.

“Uhh… making cookies?” Rook offered without much conviction.

Lucanis crossed the room to inspect Rook's creation. It jiggled miserably at his touch.

“Whatever this is, it is not cookie dough. Why didn't you ask me for help?”

He took in the state of the kitchen, which indicated that this wasn't Rook's first attempt.

“I wanted to make them myself.” Rook looked down, frowning. “They were supposed to be for Emmrich.”

“Why?”

“I like him.” The words were out before he could stop himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Just don’t tell anyone, I don't know how he really feels about me. But we visited the Necropolis together and we had tea in the gardens and it almost felt like a date? So I wanted to do something nice for him, but it’s harder than I thought.”

“You are trying to woo the necromancer. With cookies,” Lucanis observed dryly.

Rook blushed and nodded.

“Lucanis, I really, really need your help,” he pleaded. “I've been at it for hours and I don't-”

Lucanis held up a hand to signal him to stop talking.

“Mierda,” he sighed. “Where's your recipe? Let's see where you went wrong.”

“I don't have one,” Rook said.

Lucanis stared at him. “What do you mean you don’t have one? Do you understand how baking works?”

“Well, my mom never used one? She just threw things together and it worked. And no, not a clue,” Rook grinned sheepishly.

“Your mother is either a miracle worker or you didn't pay enough attention. Baking is all about ingredient ratios, you don't just mix stuff randomly.”

Lucanis gave the horrible mass on the counter one last poke. “Now go throw this thing over the edge. If Assan finds it, Davrin is going to kill us. I will find us a cookbook.”

Rook carried the dough out the door and dropped it unceremoniously over the edge, although a good bit managed to keep itself stuck to his fingers.

When he returned after cleaning up, Lucanis was sitting in the kitchen and leafing through a cookbook.

“I think I found a suitable recipe. It is for beginners in the art of baking,” he said, stressing the word beginners with an amused quirk of his lips. “I have never seen anyone fuck up cookies so badly.”

”Yeah, yeah, no need to rub it in,” Rook laughed. “Next time I'm going to pick him some flowers and be done with it,” he grumbled.

“With your luck, you will be jumped by an ogre before you pick a single flower,” chuckled Lucanis. “I will help you romance your necromancer, but Spite says he wants some cookies as payment. With chocolate.”

“I agree to your terms,” Rook bowed to Lucanis with a cheeky smile. “And thank you, I really appreciate your help.”

“Don't mention it. So first we need to get the ingredients and then I will teach you how to measure them.”

They fell into an easy rhythm, Lucanis reading out the instructions and checking Rook's progress. Rook was smiling as he worked, he was finally getting somewhere.

Just as they were pulling the cookies out of the oven, the door opened, startling Rook into almost dropping the tray.

“Hello, Rook, Lucanis,” greeted Emmrich warmly as he entered the kitchen. “Don't mind me, I'm just getting some apples.” He sniffed. “It smells wonderful in here. Have you been baking for Neve again, Lucanis?”

Rook made an attempt to hide the cookies behind his back, but he was thwarted by Spite, who picked exactly the worst moment to appear.

“He. Made you. Cookies. I want. Cookies.”

“Spite, he wanted it to be a surprise,” hissed Lucanis.

But Spite wouldn't be dissuaded. “He. Likes. You.” He added triumphantly.

Rook flushed to the tips of his ears and hid his face in his hands. He didn't notice Emmrich crossing the room, until he was standing right in front of him, forcing him to look up at him between his fingers. Emmrich smiled at Rook and took hold of his hands to bring them down from his face. But even after he'd done that, he showed no intention of letting go. Rook was blushing fiercely, staring up at Emmrich with wide eyes.

“Is Spite telling the truth?” Emmrich asked softly, eyes searching Rook's face.

Rook could only nod.

“Would you care to enjoy the cookies with me, Rook?” Emmrich asked. “Perhaps along with a cup of tea in my quarters?”

“I-” Rook found he had to clear his throat, which had suddenly gone very dry. “I would like that,” he managed to croak out.

“Splendid!”

Emmrich let go of his hands to gather some of the cookies onto a plate, leaving Rook feeling strangely alone. He didn't have much time to wallow in his loneliness however, because Emmrich's hand quickly found its way back into his.

“Shall we?” Emmrich gazed into his eyes, looking for all the world like he had just been offered a candlelit dinner and not a plateful of cookies.

“Lead the way,” Rook smiled, leaning closer to him.

“If you start kissing, I am letting out Spite,” Lucanis threatened, but there was humor in his words. “I know you forgot I'm standing here.”

They started laughing and retreated from the kitchen, taking the plate of cookies with them.

[localgremlinboy]

I have been sitting on these for a long time because I wanted to have some more varied stuff but I haven't had time to write anything! So here's what I've got! Honestly these are some of my favorites

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6]

- Whenever he's kicked out of an area or event, Oswald proceeds to start shoving anything not taped down into his pockets. He doesn't need the stuff, he just likes to be petty and ruin it for everyone else

- Bane has done a series of infomercials for various products & services that only air on late night product channels. Alfred is the only batfamily member who knows, he was doing laundry late one night and nearly lost it

- Mr Freeze writes restaurants/companies when they wrong him. Like nice formal letters, signing them and everything

- The Joker has an imdb page. Actually a lot of the villains do but like the Joker has one he updates with fun facts. Who says they're accurate but they sure are fun

- Riddler freaking hates puppets. Their soulless eyes say it all. He refuses to or "work" with puppets. That being said, Scarecrow has chased him around with Scarface once or twice "for science"

- Scarecrow has and still does write letters of recommendation for his ex students. He freaking still has Gotham University letterhead paper and everything. Honestly some of his students have gotten the job from his letter alone (maybe it's out of fear but like it's still a win), and they 100% send Jonathan thank you gifts in Arkham. He's got one of those dorky teacher scrapbooks where he keeps the thank you letters. One of his students even crocheted him a little plush scarecrow. It's like, they don't love his crimes but you know that was ol kooky professor Crane for ya

- Harvey kind of has a soft spot for sitcoms, he used to watch them with his mom growing up. One of their favorites, ironically, was night court

- Bane has a famous chili recipe and he makes one batch a year. It's fucking delicious! He makes an edition with meat and a vegetarian version too. Of course consults Ivy for home grown excellent quality vegetables and she gets first dibs in return

- the Joker has not one but TWO released albums. One is essentially a mash up of all the serenades he's made Batman listen to over the years and the other one is called "The Holidays with the Joker: Christmas selects edition"

- Scarecrow's car is a mess. He's got a work truck of course but his main car is like a wood panel sedan that he's been driving since he was a professor and refuses to get a new one. It's a fucking mess, he has like clothes, papers, garbage all over the place. He still has term papers he forgot to grade under the seats. Riddler HATES his car, with a passion

- Riddler has gone through the pain and suffering to teach all the rogues how to use discord, he had once hoped it would make their crimes more efficient. They have a group chat but it's mostly suffering on his end as all chaos ensues

- Scarecrow owns a Halloween train village he has set up in one of his lairs. It plays instrumental versions of Halloween songs as it goes around the track

- Joker will push open cups off of tables because he can. He's got the chaotic energy of a cat awake at 3 am

- Riddler and Scarecrow's friendship starts like super formal and co worker like but after like a year and a half, evolves into a weird symbiosis. Jonathan points at random ass objects or books and goes "you" when he's with Edward. Eddie has a habit of fixing or picking debris of Jonathan, usually when they're crimeing. Also one time, they were both startled so bad by Batman that Scarecrow jumped into riddler's arms like Scooby & shaggy, except they both held onto each other for a second before toppling over. Robin then unmasked them like scooby doo

- Harley & Ivy are frequent Panera customers and often get pick up orders there under "codenames" given by Harley. All the workers know who "Plantmamma" and "the quinnanator" are but like they tip great and everyone should get to enjoy soup

- Bane has one CD in his car, it's a 2010 greatest hits CD that someone accidentally left in there. Who you ask? He has no idea

- Harley has a getaway playlist preloaded in her phone for car chases

- Riddler and Scarecrow watch reality tv/game shows together. They binged all of survivor and the amazing race in a year. It was a joke at first but they both got really into the shows. They have both applied to be on amazing race together and unfortunately haven't been called back

- Joker still uses cassettes (and vinyls probably) except he mixes them himself and labels them all stupid titles like "Birthday bash #9", "Baty's mix", "what's the deal with airplane food?", "etc". But he also has a tape recorder and makes notes to himself and labels those ones too, so he gets his personal notes mixed up with his music jams all the time. He goes to put on some epic clown music and instead it's a twenty minute recording he made of himself eating fruit loops

[menfenced]

I've seen a lot of posts in the last 24 hours about why Kamala lost and I feel like most of them are failing to actually look at reasons voters are giving. Instead, they're putting forward what they personally didn't like about Kamala's campaign. But here's the thing to remember... You didn't like that thing about Kamala's campaign. You still voted for her. There's something else going on.

Because people didn't just vote against Kamala. They voted FOR Trump, and early polling results are showing they did it across the board in almost every demographic.

I've seen the calls for investigations into voter fraud and voter suppression because "this doesn't just happen!" and I agree with one thing. This doesn't "just" happen. There's a reason and democrats aren't listening. Because it's not just a handful of counties that got hacked or had crazy people trying to stop votes or didn't get all of their ballots counted. That's not to say that none of that stuff happened, of course. There may have been serious issues in some counties. But across the board, in nearly every state and every county, even if he didn't outright win, Trump made gains. The only two states where he didn't make gains: Washington State and Utah.

If that's due to voter fraud or hacked elections, it would have to be on a scale unlike anything we have ever seen before and honestly, we don't have any evidence of that right now.

So what happened? What do we know?

We know that since the pandemic and since the record inflation that caused, incumbent leaders all over the world have been losing elections at higher rates than usual. That crosses all political persuasions and again, has been seen across the globe.

Based on polling prior to the election, which remained fairly consistent throughout the election run, 3/4 US voters think the country is on the wrong track and 2/3 are unhappy with the economy.

Biden's approval rating when this election started was 40-41%

This is all a recipe for an incumbent losing, which to be frank, most people still saw Kamala as, even though she was running instead of Biden.

In addition to all of that, let's look at what the exit polls showed.

Kamala's approval rating in the exit polls was 48.5%

Donald Trump's approval ratings in the exit polls was 44.54%

And I know he wasn't running, but just for context Biden's approval ratings were 40%

When asked if Harris's views were too extreme, 46% said yes, 51% said no.

When asked if Trump's views were too extreme, 55% said yes, 43% said no.

So how did he win?

People like him less and think he's more extreme. Why did they vote for him?

Well, let's look at some other polling data.

45% of voters said that their family's personal financial situation was worse off than it was four years ago.

Only 25% said their financial situation was better than it was 4 years ago.

75% of people polled said that in the last year, inflation has caused them either severe or moderate hardship.

When asked who can bring needed change, 73% of voters said Trump and only 25% said Harris.

What that means is that a majority of American's don't like Trump. They don't think he's a good person. They think he's too extreme. And yet they still voted for him because the issue that was most important in this election was the economy.

Will Trump be better for the economy?

No.

But there's a perception that the current administration did not do everything they could have to fix it and people were willing to roll the dice on someone different.

Maybe we could have done more. Kamala only had 110 days to make her case and no matter what she said, the fact remained that she is the sitting VP. Maybe there was no way for her to escape the incumbent/status quo perception.

I hope we can learn something from the behavior of the American electorate this year, and I really hope Trump doesn't fuck things up too bad before we get another chance to step in, because the Republican Party is learning things too. They're learning that they can be as extreme as they want, but if they can make people believe the economy will work better under their leadership, even if it's not true, they'll still get votes.

[emira-addams]

Hazbin Hotel - Odette x Velvette - Juliet and Juliet in Hell

Chapter 04: Smoke and Sinful Sushi

Leaning back casually, Velvette sat on a rundown brick wall, legs folded over, and basked in the red radiance of the horizon. She was wearing a pair of oversized sunglasses which she had snatched in passing from one of the many booths for tourists, all hell-born who visited the capital of hell for fun.

Next to her, Odette sat cross-legged on the wall. Between them lay a tattered plastic tray of supermarket sushi from the refrigerated section, the more or less fresh fish formerly a loan shark. Odette poked very skeptically at the sinful snack with her chopsticks. "The shark tastes awful!" Odette retched after shoving a single maki roll into her mouth. She felt her appetite dwindle away after just one bite. "I bet Auntie Rosie has the flawless recipe for loan shark... I'll ask her as soon as I get home. That stuff from the supermarket is seriously inedible..."

"I take it that the sushi is no match for Rosie's cooking skills?" Odette shook her head and Velvette laughed out loud. "Can I try a sip of your coffee?" she asked, pointing to the drink in Odette's hand.

"Please..." Odette held the straw up to Velvette. "The coffee's too sweet for me anyway. Not my taste…"

Velvette sipped Odette's frappuccino. Sweet blended with bitter and the cold cream made the hot coffee taste insanely pleasant before both melted and merged on her tongue. "Does this direct swapping of spit count as an indirect kiss?" Velvette raised her eyebrows flirtatiously and gave Odette a challenging look as Odette completely abandoned her frappuccino to Velvette's hungry craving for sugar, who immediately devoured the cold coffee and caffeine with relish. "Do you know anything about what's up between your mother and Rosie?"

Odette answered her question with a surprised arch of her brows. "There's something between my mother and Auntie Rosie?" she responded in all seriousness. "Do you suspect there's something romantic between them?"

"I was quite sure we were sitting in the same meeting just hours ago..." Velvette smacked her forehead with the flat of her hand. "No, I think they're just roommates, really good friends or something..."

Annoyed, Odette rolled her eyes. "You're pretty mean, Velvette..."

"Thank you!" Velvette laughed louder, her voice sounding heavy and laced with cigarette smoke. She pulled a half-filled pack of cigarettes from the inside pocket of her beloved vest. Smoking had become a bad habit of hers during her lifetime. She took one of the seemingly harmless looking things out of the flat package. Sighing, she pushed it between her intense black lips and without having to say another word to Odette, she held out the flat of her hand. Odette gave her a lighter. Velvette carefully protected the sensitive flame from the wind with her hand and easily got the end to glow before handing the lighter back to Odette and taking a deep, satisfying drag from her cigarette.

Odette scrunched up her nose. "If my mother smells the cigarette smoke on my clothes and in my hair, she'll absolutely know I've been out with you." With mock disgust and a deprecating grimace, she quickly pulled the hem of her top over the tip of her nose to at least get some roughly filtered air to breathe. "She says you're a bad influence..."

"Me and a bad influence?" gasped Velvette feigning. "I'm not a bad influence..." she pouted and offered Odette her cigarette. "Luckily parents aren't always right," she smirked as Odette took the glowing cigarette from Velvette's hand, took a single drag and nodded in affirmation. She exhaled the warm smoke and passed Velvette her cigarette back.

"Sometimes I can't stand the obnoxious smell of cigarette smoke at all..." said Odette. She caught Velvette's gaze and met it back, a slight smile curling on her lips. She shook her head in amazement and tried to banish a thought. "If my mother knew that I was sitting on this wall right now with you, the Velvette of the Three Vees, eating cheap sushi, she would crucify me..." she whispered. "But I think you might be worth it."

"Don't worry... I know a very simple solution to this problem. A rope, some bin bags, a shovel and a deep hole in the garden," Velvette joked. Velvette wailed in agony as Odette jabbed her elbow between her ribs without a single scrap of mercy. "Pretty and intelligent girls fall under bad influences and indulge in physical violence against their innocent fellow beings... This hellish society is truly cursed..."

"Drama queen!" Odette crooned.

Velvette indicated a bow and took a last long drag from her cigarette, which she held piqued between two fingertips. She held the biting, burning smoke in her lungs for a brief moment before exhaling. She savored the taste of tobacco and cream in her mouth as she finished the last remnants of Odette's frappuccino and then stubbed out the stale cigarette butt on the rough bricks.

"Are we going to catch something edible?" Velvette held out her hand to Odette.

Odette casted a skeptical sideways glance at the untouched remains of the sushi. "You pay!" she announced and took Velvette's hand. She followed her and intertwined their fingers.

As they passed a trash can, Velvette disposed of her pack of cigarettes, unnoticed by Odette.

"Which color do you like better?" Velvette held out the back of her painted hand to Odette. She presented her with the different colors of lipstick she had picked up in the department for all kinds of make-up utensils in a small drugstore, the two of them were stuck standing in front of the shelves. Velvette still held the labeled testers in her other hand while she looked at Odette expectantly and waited for her honest opinion.

Odette frowned questioningly. "You already wear similar shades of red in your clothes, they clash, and does the pink have to be with glitter? Too much glitter looks really cheap..."

"Never mind..." Velvette grumbled, slightly offended, and wiped the stains off the back of her hand with a tissue. "What do you think about this black?" She pulled another lipstick from one of the many colorful compartments. She twisted it open and held it next to her face to check it out.

Odette took a step back and carefully checked Velvette out from top to bottom while she considered and then nodded resolutely. An awe-struck smile graced her lips. "Drop dead gorgeous! Uhm... I mean, that color would look fantastic on you!"

"Thanks!" Velvette smirked and put all the testers back before grabbing a foil-wrapped lipstick in the right color.

"Everything all right?" asked Velvette curiously as she spread their purchases out on the checkout conveyor belt, black lipstick for Velvette and chocolate cookies for Odette. In her mind, Velvette made a mental note that these delicious delights were Odette's favorite.

Silently, Odette stared at her phone screen, many missed calls and message after message from her worried mother lit up. "What did you say?" Confused, she shifted her gaze to Velvette. A guilty conscience was written all over her face, it marred it.

"Uhm... I asked you a question," Velvette tried to repeat. "Do you think the glue under the stickers on the apples in the supermarket has different tastes?" Velvette searched in her pockets for money. She handed the crumpled bills to the cashier, who wrapped their purchases in a plastic bag.

"I don't know..." Odette shrugged her shoulders as Velvette grabbed the plastic bag and held the swinging door open for her. "You need to try it out?" They left the store.

Between the tall buildings and cold facades, the shadows grew in the fading light. The first streetlights switched on.

"What do you want to do next?" Velvette wanted to know.

Odette glanced back at the screen of her phone, worried. "I think I have to go home..." she huffed. Insecurely, she adjusted the glasses on the tip of her nose.

"Oh..." Flustered, Velvette scratched the back of her head. She saw Carmilla Carmine's name flash up again and again. "Would you like me to walk you home?" Suddenly, Odette pulled Velvette by her hand into the nearest alley. She felt the rough surface of the bricks dig into her back as Odette gently pushed her against the wall. She felt her breath on her skin, the warmth of her hands traveling over her body, and again Velvette lost herself hopelessly in the deep crimson of her eyes.

"By Lucifer... Could you fucking stop gawking so fucking romantically at me all the fucking time?" breathed Odette, usually she never sweared so much. She carefully took the plastic bag from her sweaty hands, poured the contents down at her feet and draped it over Velvette's head.

"What are you-"

Odette cut off her sentence, instead she closed her eyes and cupped Velvettes cheeks. Softly, she placed her lips on hers and kissed her delicately through the plastic of the bag. Taken a bit by surprise, Velvette quickly returned the kiss, her heart hammering in her chest and the blood rushing in her ears.

Odette broke away from her lips. "I-I'm sorry..." she murmured, her voice a faltering whisper. She hesitated and shook her head. "I can't really kiss you yet..." Odette suddenly whisked a pen out of her pocket. She pulled off the cap and wrote her number on the back of Velvette's hand. "I have to go home, but when we meet again, you'll get a real kiss," she promised. "Thank you, Velvette... The day was really lovely."

Odette sent her a parting smile, but then she had quickly disappeared from the alley and Velvette's field of vision.

Lost in thought, Velvette waved to her, struggling to sort out her scattered mind. "Okay..." mumbled Velvette. Speechless, she stared at the combination of numbers on the back of her hand. Her heart was still hammering like crazy in her chest.

Chapter 05:

[docholligay]

Shamash Answers: Miscellaneous Final

This question was: You're coming to my house for Shabbat! What are you requesting? THis I make a shamash question every year, because it's always so much fun.

3rd place, for making me think about mushrooms (also my favorite vegetarian answer to anything)

Afraid I'm going to be boring and/or difficult with this! I would love to see your take on a vegetarian main, preferably something with mushrooms, because I'm sick and tired of the non-meat options being "tofu" or "veggie patties" type stuff. Portobello burgers are the bomb! Mushrooms are delicious and have nutrition in them! Anyway, chef's choice, but a non-meat main (dairy and eggs are a go), would love to taste your mac and cheese for the side (I've been using the recipe forever, but would like to know what I'm actually aiming for haha), and a pie for dessert - again, chef's choice on the filling. I don't eat a lot of desserts, and even less frequently do I eat pie, but mainly because I don't know a good place that serves them by the slice. Given that you have won awards with your pie, I would love to try this from the state champion baker!

@vassekocho, this made me have to think because if mac and cheese is the side, the main has to be someting not pasta or otherwise carbohydrate based. So, I think I'd take a really good blend of mushrooms: Portobellos, maitake, oyster, shiitake, etc, and then saute them in olive oil or butter until they've got some nice crisp on them, and serve them over a white bean puree and wilted greens. The beans will give it good protein and creaminess and body, and the greens will offer a nice contrast to the weightiness of everything else. The pie depends so much on personal taste! My peach pie is very popular though. So's my key lime.

2nd place, because I've never gotten a chance to make this cake and I really want to:

I'd want something I can't get so easily in my area for the side- duck or game meat or something, made however you think will show it off the best. Jet's talked up your mac and cheese so much that I'd have to have it how you make it (I know you've shared the recipe but still). Dessert would have to be one of your… I don't want to call them experimental, but some of the stuff you've talked about with character ideas. Like a few years back you had… I think it was like a champagne mousse cake for a Michiru idea, and I find that absolutely fascinating and would absolutely want to try it before daring to look up how that's supposed to even work.

@katrani, I think I would do an elk tenderloin served with a huckleberry reduction for something VERY local, hard to get elsewhere. Also I want to make that cake!!

And 1st place, for bringing out the ARTIST in me:

At this particular point in time (and I reserve the right to change my mind, because there are SO MANY amazing possibilities), but:

A themed meal! Specifically, Angela and Fareeha's first date.

@seolh I love that you kno me well enough to know I would love this. So their first date I had set at a now-closed restaurant called Orfano--I actually took @sailorsunspot and @moonlight-frittata there before it closed--which was a really cute, upscale Italian place with an excellent drinks and wine program, intimate environment, and many, many choices that did not contain pork*.

Angela gets the Cacio e Pepe because she is a basic bitch at heart, and Fareeha immediately regrets not ordering first even though she thought it wouldn't be gallant, because she assumes Angela picked one of the cheapest things on the menu for the benefit of Fareeha's pocketbook. She thinks the whole night how she should have ordered first and she should have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, but she orders the swordfish and then immediately follows it with ordering ordering an 80-odd bottle of champagne.

Which leaves her with a concern that it looks like boasting, and she didn't even ask Angela if she liked champagne, and perhaps lena was not all wrong when she said Fareeha's problem was she had no idea how to relate to a human in a way that wasn't giving or receiving orders.

Angela, meanwhile, finds her obvious attention to detail contrasted with equally obvious nervousness very charming indeed, and suggests they order dessert as she tries to lengthen the night. (They get the chocolate cake for two, and though Fareeha does not normally eat much in the way of sweets she would do anything to keep talking to this beautiful, intelligent, kind woman who looks so cute with truffle mousse filling stuck to the corner of her mouth, her lipstick smeared a bit from the pasta) They are idiots and they are born to be together.

*Fareeha, of course, investigating everything to within an inch of her life**, asks Lena about Angela's "level of religious observance" despite the fact that it is absolutely killing her to know that Lena is the best and most at hand source of this information, Lena, being as annoying as she can possibly be, telling Fareeha that's it's not as if they had deep conversations about the philosophical existence of God while sitting in Eichenwalde, but she did pray a time or two, which Lena herslef is not really given to, but it's still nice to think that someone's watching out, isn't it? Meanwhile Fareeha finally barks out, "A kosher restaurant! Does it need. to be. A kosher restaurant." Lena all, "why didn't you just ask that, instead of nattering on about religious observance, then?" and Fareeha is exactly one half second from snapping her neck before Lena says she was perfectly happy to eat Reinhardt's stroganoff, so take that as you will, and it's not an answer but Fareeha will explode if she has to ask Lena one more question and get a rambling Canterbury fucking Tale as a response. (Later, she will come to find Lena's highways and byways method of storytelling charming, in its way, but now is not later and Fareeha rues the day she came to work in Egypt)

[petermorwood]

Crisps / Chips again

Associated with this post, here's an artefact, two anecdotes and an opinion.

The artefact is a slightly dented but still remarkably airtight "Charles Chips" tin.

It was bought, full, many years ago from the Vermont Country Store, from whom we subsequently bought reflll packs - given their size, "sacks" would be more accurate - which were shipped to Ireland in sturdy cardboard boxes.

VCS no longer carry Charles Chips in either tin or refill. I know. I checked. BUT...

The Charles Chips company, which per Wikipedia was doing just fine in 1990 then got sold and went bankrupt twice in less than three years (gosh!) is Back In Business, and note has been taken, with considerable interest - oh, you bet - that they do international shipping...

*****

Anecdote No. 1 is from when @dduane lived in Bala Cynwyd near Philadelphia, in what was known as "The House of Dangerously Single Women" (ahem). She tells me that the household used to get Charles Chips delivered to the door about twice a week, by the company's own vans.

Speaking as a long-time crisp fan, I found that both very neat and a source of mild envy. :->

Anecdote No. 2 is from 30-ish years ago, when we were in New York for something or other and, being rather jetlagged with our internal food clocks out of whack, did our usual thing and went out for a walk.

Curiously enough, this involved visiting several food stores and supermarkets where we bought a lot of Interesting Foreign or Much Missed (i.e. American, in both instances) junk food for grazing on back in our hotel room.

In one of them DD was about to lay claim to a huge bag of Wise potato chips (its bag would have been the design in the middle)...

...while nattering to one of the shop staff how much she missed them. He told her that a new delivery was expected in about 20 minutes and if she wanted to wait, she'd get much fresher chips.

And So It Came To Pass.

Well done, that guy!

*****

Finally, while Saratoga Springs may have been where potato crisps / chips were popularised, standardised, commercialised or whatever, it's definitely not where they were invented.

Even the oft-repeated "creation myth" frequently has its hard-to-please celebrity demanding to have his potatoes sliced and fried really thin "The Way I Had Them In France" - which kinda sorta suggests they were, um, being made there just like that well before the Saratoga thing happened.

Myths are okay, even marketing myths - so long as they're recognised as myths and not shilled as true by places with reputations like the Smithsonian.

*****

It's a bit like the still-current nonsense about spices being used in medieval kitchens to disguise bad meat. As far as I've been able to find out, this originated with a historian called J. C. Drummond in the late 1930s - yup, just before World War Two - simply because he didn't know his period terminology.

"Green" meant fresh - even nowadays, an inexperienced or immature person is "green" - so green cheese was newly made, and green meat was newly slaughtered, unaged and consequently tough and flavourless.

Just ask any steak fan the difference between a fresh steak and a 30-day dry aged one.

Drummond, in his overspecialised-scholarship wisdom, assumed that "green venison" meant meat which had gone off, and that a recipe to improve it with spices was to cover the bad smell and taste.

In fact it was somewhere between a marinade and a rub, meant to improve the tenderness and flavour of fresh meat as if it had aged for a while, thus shortening the waiting time between killing a beast and getting it to the table of a hungry court.

As I've said before, it's always easier for no-proofs-given pop history to dismiss medieval people as (insert derogatory observation here) than take the time needed to explain why and how they in their time were not that different to us in ours.

*****

PS: when looking for that previously posted stuff about green meat I found a post where, with even less evidence than Saratoga Springs inventing crisps, a Brit poster claimed Brits invented curry.

Snrk.

Among other more or less pertinent observations, I mentioned that what Brits invented was BRITISH curry, and anyone who has read "Nanny Ogg's Cookbook" will know what I meant by that... :->

[lazysublimeengineer]

I could eat that girl for lunch

Yeah, she dances on my tongue

Tastes like she might be the one

And I could never get enough

I could buy her so much stuff

It's a craving, not a crush, huh

Baby, I think you were made for me

Somebody write down the recipe

Been tryin' hard not to overeat

You're just so sweet

I've said it all before, but I'll say it again

I'm interested in more than just bein' your friend

[usmsgutterson]

Hello Can you do a Poly one with Nikolai & Zoya fic it can be fluff with prompt 6 ? Where the reader has a crush on them

Recipe Box- poly! zoyalai x gn! reader

okay, hi! First ever poly fic of any kind. I've debated writing poly fics before but I've never actually done it so this was next level nervewracking for me and I hope it's decent.

I'm sorry it took me so long to see the requests you've sent in, things get buried in my inbox really quick and this request was no exception for a bit, but dear nonnie, I hope you like this in spite of how long it took me to get this out!

The prompt you requested was fluff prompt six: “Character A wanted me to give this to you,” Character B said.

Fic type- fluff with so much yearning

Warnings- none

You found yourself laughing at Tamar and Tolyas bickering as the three of you moved through the hallways of the Grand Palace, a discussion picking up and dropping in brief moments as the end of the day drew nearer. 

The time after the war was tough, the adjustments necessary difficult ones to make and the grief for those you’d lost immense and painful. Nikolai plunged into his kingly duties after he was crowned, Zoya took up the creation and the maintenance of her garden, you took to baking and the twins to sparing to sharpen their already sharp skills. 

Tolya and Tamar became members of Nikolais guard, working for him as they’d once worked for Alina and her sun cult. You almost took up a position alongside them, one offered to you by Nikolai after the war, but you refused. Despite it, finding the twins was always easy, striking a conversation with them easier even still.

You’d taken up working in the kitchens, making the menus for the week and putting effort into baking during your off time so that Genya and Zoya could always have the sweet pastries they liked at the drop of a hat and, selfishly, because baking had always been therapeutic for you.

Baking brought you plenty more joy than being on the sea did, but in the days of the war, being on a ship crew meant easy money, and easy money was good enough for you back then, while you worked on the Volkvolny with Nikolai as the captain.

You met Zoya in those times, too, so you wouldn’t’ve counted the war as an entirely dreadful time. You’d fallen for Nikolai when you worked on the ship alongside him, fallen for Zoya as you fought at her side against the Darkling. You had crushes on them for two years, and at that rate, it never seemed like the feelings you held would quite escape you. 

So, as you approached the war room with Tamar and Tolya, you were relaxed. It'd been your day off but you'd baked throughout it even still, and you'd dropped a basket of sweet pastries at Genya and Davids door in the hour before you found yourself where you were, with Tamar and Tolya at your sides as you walked them to the war room before you would either head to your room or to the palace library, where you grab a book and spend the next few nights reading.

Nikolai caught sight of you and grinned as you entered the room.

Tamar elbowed you lightly, shooting you a grin as your gaze met one of the people you’d been in love with for what sometimes felt like a thousand days. 

“Every time,” she whispered. “Him and Zoya. Every bloody time, and still—fools. The lot of you.” 

“Hey,” Nikolai greeted Tolya as you made a point of ignoring Tamars words simply for the fact that you didn’t believe them. “Alls well on the grounds?” 

“No threats waiting to jump out and kill you,” Tamar said pointedly. “Grounds sweep was successful.” 

Nikolai looked at you again, and seemed to remember something. You watched him pause for a moment before turning, picking up a small box and walking it over to you.

“Zoya wanted me to give this to you,” Nikolai said. “You bake in the kitchens a lot. Said it was recipe boxes with stuff you’d talked about.” 

You grinned as you took the box, grin widening as you met his gaze. “Thank you,” you said, turning on your heel. “For delivering it, I suppose. I need to find her, give her my thanks.” 

Nikolai nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Tamar, Tolya and I have much to discuss. I don’t know if I’ll see you again tonight, so goodnight, Y/N.” 

You grinned. “Goodnight, Nikolai,” 

And with that, you left, heart thrumming as you walked down the halls of the Grand Palace, a huge part of you hoping to see Zoya before you retired to your room for the night. 

You ended up not seeing her, but you made a mental note to thank her for the very sweet gift when you would see her the following day, at the end of your shift in the kitchens and likely as she sat by a samovar of tea, either chatting with Genya and David or finding something to bicker about with Tolya or Nikolai. 

It was something to which you looked forward immensely. 

[fungifanart]

Could I request Edmond (nu: carnival) x male reader that acts like Jamil viper (No he's not Eiden, he was not transferred worlds)

Oh and could I be 🤡anon so it'd be easier for me to navigate what I've requested

Servitude

Characters: Male reader (Although, it's pretty GN due to the use of You/Your pronouns. Oops.), Edmond, Edmond's mother, mentions of Eiden

Cw: Violence

Word count: 966

Notes: I mean, you can call yourself that if you want, but I personally don't really care about that kind of stuff. Anyways, I'm pretty happy with how this came out, so I hope you enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------

You are NOT happy with this arrangement. At all.

It's almost insulting, in a way.

Having to serve and safeguard this prissy, hardass noble who would measure sugar in cups rather than teaspoons if left alone in the kitchen? After spending year after year working your way up the ranks with your sights set on becoming Royal Guard Commander?

Great. Thanks. What an honor. (<- Sarcasm)

What makes it worse is that neither of you seemingly have a choice in the matter, seeing as how the decision was made by your new liege's mother, the matriarch of the family.

You can still remember the silent fury you felt when you received the news from the woman herself as your liege argued bitterly with his mother about the necessity of it. Of you.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Mother, I beg of you to reconsider! I fail to see how I, the Vice Captain of the royal guard, would need a personal guard!" Edmond said, making no attempt to mask his displeasure.

Well, at least you're like-minded in that aspect.

"Save your arguments, my son." Edmond's mother waved dismissively, "Do not forget your status as a noble. You know as well as I do how cutthroat our world has become lately and your status as Vice Captain will only serve to paint a bigger target on your back for those wishing to stab it." She explained.

…OK, you'd be lying if you said she didn't make a convincing argument.

"Mother, surely you trust me enough as your son to–" Edmond's attempt at a counter was shut down immediately by his mother slamming her hand on her desk.

"It is BECAUSE you're my son that I make this decision! The very thought of you being caught unawares for some politically motivated scheme is one that I CANNOT abide!" She slumped back in her chair with a sigh, "Enough. My decision is final and I will hear no more arguments."

---------------------------------------------------------

And so began what you would so affectionately describe as your own personal hell.

Every day, you wake up before Edmond in order to prepare breakfast, paying special attention that there's no poison and just enough sugar to suit his "tastes" without rotting his and your teeth out of your skulls.

After breakfast, you accompany Edmond on his daily patrol of the castle town, carefully surveying your surroundings for any traps or assassins, while also keeping the peace among the citizens.

Next is dinner, which goes the same way as breakfast, except afterwards you have to stand guard outside Edmond's room until a certain time, at which you'll go back to your own room. The problem with this is that you have to make sure that he's at least preparing for bed before you can leave and yet Edmond seems perfectly content to work at his desk from dusk until dawn, forcing you to physically pull him away from his desk just so the both of you have a chance at getting enough sleep.

Rinse and repeat with only minor variations as the days turn into weeks and then months and you've got a perfect recipe for making you wonder what the sharp end of your spear would taste like.

However, three months after your appointment under Edmond, you find yourself traveling to the Fire Territory with him and the new Grand Sorcerer with the intent of regulating the Fire Altar, but then everything goes wrong.

The troops have been scattered, the Fire Gemstone was on the verge of shattering the last time you saw it and some weird magic separated you from your liege, leaving you stranded in the middle of the desert.

You're having an internal argument with yourself about how you should be better than being caught by some cheap trap despite it being impossible to anticipate something like this when you suddenly hear two familiar voices a ways from you.

As you approach, you recognize the voices as belonging to your liege and the new Grand Sorcerer, but something feels off.

Listening to the new Grand Sorcerer from a safe distance, you hear him speak in a tone you've never heard from him before about things you’ve come to learn that Edmond is insecure about and even having the GALL to imply that he's complicit in the greedy practices of the Light Territory's nobles.

Your blood is boiling before you even realize it. For all of your continued misgivings about your position and all of Edmond's faults, the one thing you can't deny is his devotion to his people. You see it in the way he regards each citizen he sees while on patrol with respect and patience and in the way he toils away at his desk, signing bills that would counter others that would cause them harm or distress.

Your feet instantly carry you out of your hiding spot and into the space between the two men as you hold your spear in front of Edmond defensively, "Who are you?" You ask the 'Grand Sorcerer'.

Despite how few your interactions with him had been up until this point, you know for a fact that the new Grand Sorcerer is absolutely not the type to say such horrible things to Edmond, especially not with the way you've seen him look at him.

The conclusion? The 'person' you see before you is an imposter who needs to be eliminated.

Coming to the same conclusion, you see Edmond readying his weapon as well, allowing both of you to strike through the imposter at the same time and leave whatever's left of him to begin the trek to the Fire Altar.

As you sprint across the sand, your mind fully catches up with what just happened.

Fighting alongside Edmond as equals instead of master and servant? You could get used to this.

[therottenkingsreckoning]

We're back with another one! Went through several agonizing rewrites here, stressing probably more than necessary that things all flow well and feels hit like they're supposed to. But finally, the whole extra long beast of a chapter is finished.

I'll put some stuff down below this like I did earlier- except this time, it's a link to the B Dylan Hollis recipe video I had in mind when Frank is talking about cake (a recipe I'd still love to try out myself) and the drawings of Apple the houpa I made ages ago.

Anyway, enough rambling. Fanfic ahoy!

Little Flame, chapter 7

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was one thing for Eddie to be nervous. After all, his mate and child were on the line if anything happened. But it was another thing entirely when the other neighbors starting treating Frank the same way.

"Oop, watch your head there!" Howdy called out, passing by them with armfuls of boxes. Frank had been helping out around the bodega lately, a way of repaying the stolen test which had over time morphed into a biweekly half-job. It was also a chance for the two to hang out, since they otherwise wouldn't have done.

"I'm just saying, you should give it a chance," Frank said, continuing where he'd left off in both sweeping and conversation. "Beans add a nice richness you don't get from the regular stuff."

"But in a cake? Really? Apple, move outta the way." Howdy nudged the houpa with his foot, earning little more than a mrrp? in response. "If ya ask me, it sounds like the cravings might be getting to your head right now."

Frank huffed. "This was before I'd gotten pregnant, so I highly doubt that would've had an affect on my taste."

"Heh, if ya say so," Howdy replied, beginning to unpack the first box of the stack he'd set down beside him.

Frank would've responded further, they already knew what to say. Unfortunately though, the now awake cat-horse that was Howdy's pet had deemed his broom a suitable plaything, clamping the bristles between his hooves & teeth with considerable force.

"Nggh ...God, it's no use trying to get anything done around this animal!" he scoffed, ceding the tool to its new rightful owner. "Why do you even still keep him here?"

"Hey now, you heard what Ember said, he can't be released into the wild. And I've caught you snuggling this big dork several times, so don't try to claim you don't like him too." A lower hand grabbed the scientist's arm as they were reaching for a box, the taller shaking his head firmly. "Uh uh, no heavy lifting for you Mr. Mom."

Frank let out a noise of frustration as he realized what Howdy was saying. "Oh come on, not you too! It's like I suddenly can't do anything anymore!"

"Sorry fella, I just couldn't live with myself if you got hurt. Not to mention Eddie would probably have my head for it." The caterpillar shrugged his shoulders in succession. "Matter of fact, I can probably take care of the rest here if you wanna get going. It's been great, but I'm sure you've got stuff you wanna do."

Frank took the offer, begrudgingly. Howdy was wrong, he didn't really have anything better to do with his time. But they'd certainly not be made to sit uselessly inside the shop! No, he'd go see what Julie was up to.

Outside was nice, the weather warm and a little windy. the sounds of birds and bugs made gentle music on Frank's ears, and he felt their spirits lifted as he walked along the path. No sense in letting it get to me now, they thought. He's wrong, but I'll let him be wrong. I've got a day to enjoy.

They passed by Barbie's house, the dog herself just stepping out when she noticed him and raised a paw in friendly greeting. "Hey there Frank, you heading to Julie's house?"

"Indeed I am," Frank answered simply.

"I'll go with ya then!" she said cheerfully, not waiting for an answer as she strode up beside the grey. "Got a book I was gonna return to her anyway."

Frank let out a heavy, dramatic sigh and kept walking. "Alright, but if you get too annoying I'll go somewhere else."

In truth it was mostly just for show, and he suspected she knew that too. They'd gotten along well in recent months, her frequent visits to Julie's house meaning the two had had plenty of time to get to know each other better. And Frank was grateful for a distraction in any case, as she rambled cheerfully about everything and nothing.

"...he's got paints set aside for that, mixed the batches up himself" she chuckled, wiggling her fingers for emphasis. "Doesn't want me dippin' my big ol' mitts into the good stuff."

Frank nodded. "Suppose that does make sense. There's much less oil paint, and it really isn't meant f-"

"SHH!"

Words and walking stopped short as one of those same big hands swept out to catch him. "There's something up ahead," the dog growled, all cheerfulness gone as her ears perked and eyes narrowed to scan the treeline. Frank looked around himself, feeling a growing fear creep into the pit of their stomach until-

A squirrel darted from between the lower branches of a tree, running swiftly past them to the other side of the road. "Phew, thought it was somethin' big," Barbie said, releasing the iron grip she'd had on the smaller's shoulders.

Frank wriggled out of her grasp and frowned. "You're really getting this worked up over squirrels?" He scoffed, arms folded.

Sheepishly, she shrugged. "Can't really help it, sorry. I guess it's some kinda instinct that tells me I need to keep ya safe. Especially right now, with uhh...things bein' the way that they are."

"You mean my pregnancy."

"...yeah."

Frank grumbled, pinching the bridge of their nose. "I don't need you protecting me Barbara, I can handle all this on my own."

Barbie opened her mouth to protest further, but a glare from the other shut her down quickly. "Yeah, fine I won't bug ya about it," she sighed. Then grinning, added, "Don't suppose you mind bugs though."

Frank groaned out loud. My God, this was the worst one yet! Barbie gladly took the victory as a sign to press further, the two subconciously falling into familiar rhythms of grump and jokester until they were suddenly right outside a familiar pink dwelling.

Unsurprisingly, Julie was the middle of planning a game when they arrived, marking hopscotch squares out with chalk. "Frank!! and Barbie too!" She squealed excitedly upon seeing her friends, jumping to her feet and giving both of them a warm hug. Still on the ground, Sally laughed softly and waved a hello. "Already done with your work at the bodega dear?"

"Yes, well, he allowed me to leave early," Frank said with a roll of his eyes, sitting down beside her on the dirt. "We had a bit of a disagreement over my current capabilities."

"Oh, I'm sure he's simply worried for you darling," Sally reassured, "We all are."

Frank sighed. The condescension was beginning to get annoying, but he didn't want to ruin things with an argument when they'd just arrived. For your friends, for Julie, he thought, mentally gritting his teeth as he silently picked up another of the hula hoops the star was inexplicably wrapping in colorful tape.

Next to them, Julie was explaining the rules of her new game. "So if it lands on heads, you gotta run around the neighborhood before they catch you."

"Ough, might wanna lay off the runnin' right now," said Barbie. " 'S at least two of us who can't do much of that."

Frank turned to look at her. It was quite clear she was referring to themselves, yet he rationalized- not an unfair proclamation. It's true, I can't really run too far now without getting winded. No need to get worked up...

Julie seemed to consider it, a worrying look of worry starting to creep over the monster's features. "Oh that is true, we gotta be careful with Frank right now! Don't wanna hurt the baby."

Frank's heart sank. Oh no. Not her. They could handle the others, could pretend their opinions didn't matter to him. But Julie... "You don't need to..." he started.

"Better take out the ball-throwing too in that case!" Sally interrupted. "Maybe even these hula hoops, they could hit someone's stomach pretty hard if you spin them fast."

"That's..."

"Perfect thinking!" Julie proclaimed, already pulling her her notes to make amendments. "No running, no throwing..."

"Julie please," Frank begged, increasingly upset.

It fell on deaf ears. The three were talking as though he wasn't even there, oblivious to the building whine of stress & overstimulated rage happening inches away.

"Take out-"

"Better change-"

"Really for the best that we-"

"STOP IT!!!" Frank screamed, jumping up to his feet and throwing the hoop somewhere off into the distance. Their breath was ragged, his eyes burned so badly with tears that they didn't dare open them. "Why don't you trust me to do anything right now???? Why are you treating me this way?!?"

Dead silence filled the air, even the sounds of nature seemingly stunned by his outburst. All that was there was the rustling wind and his heavy breathing, through gritted teeth and shaking hands. Julie gently touched their arm, but he smacked it away, not wanting touch or care right now. "And you especially Julie! I thought you of all people would understand."

"Frank I'm-"

"Shut up," he huffed, already marching away. "Just shut up."

Frank felt so sick, and tired, and angry. Why was everyone like this right now? Just because he was pregnant, he was suddenly unable to throw a ball, or lift a box, or do anything he could've done five months ago? "It's like all they care about is you," he snarled, poking at their belly, "I'm just a vessel."

A sudden splash, and wetness seeped into his sock. As though this awful, awful day couldn't get any worse, he'd stepped into a puddle. But maybe it was the anger twisting their mind around- it felt good now. A puddle's full of awful germs they wouldn't want me touching. Shame if I...

SPLASH! his other foot stomped down hard into the mud, sending water flying up onto his trousers. SPLASH SPLASH! they danced and kicked around in it, somehow reveling right now in how awful it felt, how forbidden.

"I'm doing things! I might hurt myself!" He sang out loud to no one, grabbing a nearby tree branch and pulling. "Won't somebody stop me?!" It snapped, and he tumbled back into the dirt, giggling manically as they stood up and swung it back into the trunk like a sword. Then again, and again as the rage turned to violence and then into tears. Frank sank into the dirt, breathing hard as he sobbed.

"Are you ok?"

Frank opened his eyes to a familiar blue swirl above them, its owner giving them a look of confusion. "Go away," the taller sniffled angrily. Last thing he needed was people caring.

"Ok," Wally answered simply with a shrug, already turning around to start walking away. In that moment, with just how completely messed up this whole day had been, it was this simple lack of concern that struck Frank's heart all of a sudden. "Come back," he sniffled, sitting up. And Wally did.

"You're not worried about me?"

Wally raised a non-existent eyebrow. "Well yeah, if you're crying in the dirt and hitting things I'll be concerned."

"But you don't think I'm...less capable? Just because of my being pregnant?"

Things seemed to click for the demon then, sitting down next to Frank. "Who told you that? No- I mean I've never been pregnant, but as far as I know that doesn't mean you can't do things."

"Exactly! But everyone acts like I suddenly can't, or I shouldn't in case...something happens, I guess. I don't know." Frank gripped on to the broken branch, picking away at its bark as they spoke. "First Eddie being too scared of letting me climb, then at Howdy's when he wouldn't let me lift the boxes, those I could sort of understand. But then Barbie, then Sally and even Julie..." he trailed off.

Wally seemed to think. "You want me to tell them to knock it off?" he offered. "If they won't listen to you, maybe they'll listen to me instead."

"Tch," Frank hissed. "That's the whole problem though. They won't listen to me! It's...it's like I don't even matter, my feelings don't matter, and all that's important is-"

"Frank..."

Frank and Wally both looked over to see their friends standing in the road. Julie, Sally, Barbie, and Eddie still breathing slightly hard from running towards the sound of his partner's yelling.

"Hello friends," Wally spoke, his usually cheerful greeting tinged right now with the slightest anger. "Frank was telling me about how you haven't been treating them very well."

"I'm sorry," Julie sobbed, quite visibly shocked & heartbroken. "I had no idea it would upset you that much."

"You would've if you'd listened!" Frank retorted. "I was trying to tell you, and you kept talking over me."

"We...we were only trying to help..." Sally piped up nervously, then winced at the glare shot her way. "Right, you're right though. It is... your baby, we shouldn't overstep your bounds like that."

Eddie slowly approached Frank, gently helping them back to his feet. "I guess...we're all just real excited for that right now," he said. "We wanna make sure that things go right."

"That doesn't mean-" Wally started, but Frank cut him off with a gentle wave. "It's ok, I can handle it." And now that things were fully out in the open, now that his blood had settled down from its boiling point, he could.

They sighed. "I know you mean well, but... it hurts. I'm still me! I can still do things! I promise I'm not as fragile as you think, even right now. I just...I need you all to trust me, and if something truly feels like it's a risk, I'll let you know, ok?"

Julie hugged him gently, checking first he was comfortable with touch right now. "I'm a terrible friend," she said. "I'm sorry."

"You're not, I promise." Frank squeezed her tight. All anger gone, he felt so tired in her arms, and glad to have those arms back to hold. "We're all new to this thing, and you're trying your best. Just...don't do it again, ok?"

They all nodded, still shuffling awkwardly. "Hey," the grey offered with a weak smile. "How about this? You let me pick all the rules for the next game."

"Ok!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ask-lighty-ii]

[ oooh thiz is really fun. I barely get to talk to anyone about the alternate world thing :D ]

Ok, lightbulb talkin.

I tried to copy the questionz but this zilly phone we have doezn't want to and zhut off whn I tried [ wonder why ]

Thiz iz gonna be long

Anywayz, you've got zome queztions :3

-- Fan'z queztionz --

1.) "WHATS GOING ON AND WHERE ARE U???"

I don't know!! We're kind of in thiz weird place where therez no objectz but me and zuitcaze.

Everyone elze iz.. y'know how we have armz and ztuff, well imagine the thingz our armz are made of but an entire body. Doez that make any zence?

2.) "CAN WE MEET UP???"

I don't think zo :[ I wanna though, i mizz you guyz

3.) "IS THERR ANOTHER ME WITH YOU?? OR A TEST TUBE?"

nope :[ thatz why we mizz you guyz. I've been here zince the ztart of the month [ zuitcaze hazel been here zince the ztart of lazt month ] [ December 2nd and November 4th to be exact -💼 ]

4.) "AND WHAT HAPPENED TO UR PAINTBRUSH?"

nothing happened, I think, they juzt didnt come with uz ;^;. However it iz we even got here

And hii fan :] hii to all of ya

-- Test tubes questions --

1.) "And, what exactly is your environment like?"

Alright, Suitcase here, Lightbulb briefly explained it. And truly, it's really hard to explain. You think about the real world, I assume, and it seems a lot like that but.. bigger.. more real

Maybe I am not the best person to talk about being real but regardless, there's a lot more stuff we have to on a day to day basis

On ii we just really had the show and besides that, well, it was minor stuff. Nothing took nearly as much effort as what we're doing now.

School, I mean we technically have an unofficial job. Its kind of crazy to be here, everything is so starkly different from how it was before

2.) "Are you aware of... the extents of MeLife, and MePhone4's 'creative ability?' Of Steve Cobs' transgressions"

Unfortunately very much so

As much as I'd like to put everything behind me I still know about.. everything

Once i got comfortable here [ relatively ] I hoped the hallucinations would go away, that I wouldn't be tied to what i was before being transported here. But their not, and... ok, that's enough

3.) "Do you know if you are real?"

Both unfortunately and fortunately not out of context

And yes? Maybe?

Like Lightbulb said earlier we've been here a month [lb] and 2 months respectably

Which means Lightbulb is very much connected to your Lightbulb in an emotional sense [ everything you did in ii feels like she did it essentially. Even though she wasn't necessarily there ]

I, however, do not associate with many actions your Suitcase did in the finale. [ as much as I hate Cobs I couldn't do what your Suitcase did ]. I seemed to have formed here just before your Suitcase was able to overcome her fears and such. Meaning that didn't transfer over to the Suitcase here.

Kind of a side tangent there, but describing "real" isn't really something that comes naturally. Since the concept of "real" is incredibly abstract in and of itself

All this information comes from watching the show by the way, that is something we have access to here.

If I ever find out away to get in better contact with you guys I'll let you know. - 💼⚛️

Zide note, i REALLY want to zend you picturez of us/where we are. But Apricot zayz thatz dangerouz. [ Apricot iznt an apricot iznt that weird? ]

[ Atom verse works just fine for the both of us ]

I hope we answered your questions effectively and I look forward to talking with you again. Sorry about the incredibly long ask by the way.

-💡⚛️ & 💼⚛️

Fascinating. Fascinating! FASCINATING!

Your responses are greatly appreciated, I assure you! This is EXACTLY the kind of thing I hoped would come out of contact with the Internet of the real world!

and sharing cookie pizza recipes!! :D

Yyyes, that too. Anyhow! This information… information on a universe containing alternate versions of objects I know, from TWO PRIMARY SOURCES! This is scientifically revolutionary at the LEAST! I need to document this! And make copies!

Someone get me a portable photocopier and a ballpoint pen! No, two of each! And a slice of that cookie pizza! Be right back!

i think u’ve sent test tube into shock, in a good way :p

sooo taking over while shes documenting stuffs, hiiii!!1 fan here, thanx for answering!!!!!!! we hope ur school duties are going well and stuffs!! im trying 2 get our lightbulb and suitcase 2 come say hi…….

HI!!!!!!

Um, hi! This is the… the other Suitcase? Apparently there are more than two-ish, so I’ll go with Test Tube’s title for our… online presence. So, this is ALI!Suitcase! Hope you, uh, get better at overcoming your fears and all.

(I know it doesn’t come easy. Definitely didn’t for me, haha, and I’m still working on it. But just, um, talk to your friends whenever you’re feeling down. I know any version of Lightbulb would be happy to help. And family and whoever you trust. And work on some grounding methods, and get enough sleep, and take your meds, and… I don’t know, make some popcorn? You got this. Sorry, rambling.)

GOOD SPEECH, SUITCASE!!! to atom!suitcase, i am digitally wiring you TWO ENTIRE SLICES OF COOKIE PIZZA RIGHT NOW. BITE PHONE TO RECIEVE

I’m back! Don’t bite your phone, please. Lightbulb needs to quit doing that. No, Lightbulb, don’t you da

[practically-an-x-man]

Whatever Keeps You Around (Rick Flag x Eris)

Summary: Based on this prompt, Eris runs into an immortal surprise in a very mundane place. (Title from First Time by Hozier)

Word Count: 2.1k

Tags: Mild jealousy, mild possessive themes, some mentions of violence.

____

"Go see if they have any bread you like, hon."

Eris nodded, ducking past him and half-jogging up to the shelf of artisanal bread in the corner of the store. This was why he'd picked this store, even though it was small and pricey and overly-organic: Eris claimed it was the only place in New Orleans that made bread the right way, whatever they in their mind deemed the right way.

All Rick knew was that it cost about eight dollars a pop and was loaded with spices he couldn't identify, and that Eris could go through three loaves a week if he let them. Usually he did. The one perk to working for Amanda Waller was the paycheck, and that allowed him at least enough wiggle room to buy the right kind of bread.

She jogged back up to him, two loaves wrapped in paper in her arms, just as Rick had finished thanking the deli clerk for his cold cuts and cheeses. Eris tucked the bread into the shopping cart almost delicately and promptly plucked the deli bags from his hands to inspect his selections.

"Oven-roasted turkey? Not the herb kind?"

"Outta stock. I've got thyme and stuff back at the house if it really bothers you," Rick replied, "What kind of bread did you pick out?"

"Honey-rosemary and something they call rustic medley," Eris muttered, "I'll be the judge of that."

"Sounds pretty good," he agreed, "Maybe we can make butter to go with it."

Eris tilted his head, something Rick stupidly misinterpreted as a lack of understanding.

"I saw it online, you just put heavy cream and a little salt in a mason jar, shake it u-"

"I'd be willing to bet I'm more familiar with making butter than you are, Flag." Eris cut him off, sharp as always, "But why?"

"I dunno. Seems like fun."

"You have a real strange idea of fun. And this is coming from someone who lived through tapestry being the popular hobby." they jeered, but tossed a carton of heavy cream into the cart as they passed the dairy case. Rick tried to hide his smile. If anyone was the definition of 'actions speak louder than words', it was Eris.

He stayed close to Rick's side as they wandered the store, occasionally tossing things into the cart on what looked like pure whim. Cans of tomato soup, the ones Rick remembered mentioning were his favorite because they reminded him of his childhood, made their way in alongside pretzels and peanut butter and bars of high-cacao baking chocolate. It was far too bitter for his tastes, at least in anything other than baked goods, but Eris could snack on it like a Hershey bar. She liked it for the same reason she liked the artisanal bread, he thought. Nostalgia, or the closest thing to nostalgia they could find.

"Lasagna tonight? Or should we just find something to stick in the oven?" Rick asked, frowning at the prices of the pasta boxes on the shelves. Eris was back at his side in a moment, moving so quickly and silently that he would have jumped if he wasn't used to it.

"Hm. Neither. Make your pot pie." he decided, and Rick felt him lean in against his side, "I have a taste for it."

His mother's recipe, the one he'd tried so hard to get right after her death, now lived on as a favorite in the mind of a centuries-old metahuman.

That one made him feel good.

He knew Eris wasn't one for public affection, but he still couldn't resist wrapping his arm around their shoulders and pressing a kiss to the top of their head. He pulled back quickly, before Eris could wriggle away or complain about looking soft, and waved a hand at the produce aisle they'd left in their wake.

"Go grab me a bag of baby carrots and some green beans, then," he said, then paused and corrected, "In a bag. Not just loose green beans."

"I know that, smartass." Eris huffed, rolling her eyes at him as she walked away. Rick suppressed a chuckle.

There was someone else in the produce aisle, apparently trying to decide between a starfruit and a cherimoya. They were half a head taller than Eris, with wavy brown hair halfway down their back and a flowing blue sundress swishing around their knees.

Rick didn't pay them much mind, and was about to turn and grab a can of biscuits when Eris froze in his tracks.

"Julius?"

The taller figure whipped around so fast it must have given them whiplash, and their eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Rick could see, even from afar, that their features had the same strangely archaic look as Eris' own, though perhaps a continent and a few centuries apart.

"Oh my- Eris?" they stammered, then gestured vaguely at themself, "And it's- er, Wisteria now. Wisty."

"Wisty." Eris repeated, as if testing out the name, "You're... very not dead, for someone three hundred years old."

"Made a deal with a witch a while back. And you're... very tame for how I remember you."

That made a grin flash across Eris' face, quick and sharp and promising only dark things.

"Try me."

But Wisty didn't flinch. She just smiled right back, though this one was nostalgic, almost soft.

The thought struck Rick like a bolt of lightning.

Eris had a type.

Underneath the flowing fabric of her dress, Wisty had to be at least as tall as Rick himself was, and just as stacked with muscle. Old scars littered what bare skin was visible around her clothing, like she'd been a fighter in a past life- or perhaps still was. And she knew not to flinch at those shark-smiles Eris threw at her. Just like Rick did.

The thought made something strange bubble up inside him. He wasn't sure he liked it. As strange and twisted as Eris' affections could be, he'd never before had competition for those affections. It was actually one of the best things about being with them, knowing they'd always drift back to him at the end of all the chaos.

It wasn't Wisteria's arrival alone that had him so tense. What really got him was the set of Eris' posture as he spoke to her: leaned back slightly on his heels, shoulders loose, head tilted ever-so-slightly in curiosity. Casual. Relaxed. The only time he'd ever seen Eris truly relaxed was when they were alone with him.

"We should catch back up." Wisty decided, a smile slowly growing on her face, "Go... spar like the old times or something. I'm a lot tougher than I used to be."

"I don't doubt it." Eris said, their spine automatically straightening at the promise of a good challenge.

He deserved this, Rick thought. This was some sort of cosmic payback for those two years he spent pushing her aside in favor of June, for snapping at all the times they suggested making him into a metahuman like them - it was all to keep him safe, to keep him around.

Well, here was someone who'd stuck around. Who'd played the long game, the centuries-long game, the way Rick was always so afraid to commit to. Who could hold their own against Eris, when she still had to pull her punches against him.

"What do you think? My lance and your spear, or hand-to-hand?" Wisty asked, playfully throwing up her fists with a broad grin. Eris returned the gesture, bouncing on his toes a little.

It was like he'd forgotten Rick was there, just ten feet back. And even as much as he wanted to call out, to remind them... he couldn't move. All he could do was watch it all unravel before him, the can of biscuits still held tight in one hand. Suddenly his mom's old recipe didn't seem to matter much.

"It'll be like before. You and me," Wisty said, "The old war god and the king's footsoldier."

Then there was a different kind of tension in Eris' posture. The shift was sudden, her chin lifted and her shoulders drawn back, all joviality transformed into something more guarded.

"I'm with someone." he said, each word crisply spaced, and brushed past Wisty with smooth, disciplined steps. They grabbed a plastic bag and shoved a handful of green beans into it, pausing only to pluck a few wrinkled and undesirable vegetables from the lot and toss them back. Wisteria turned, fixing them with a tilted expression.

"You told me you wouldn't love another. You told me love was too painful. You told me... that I was the last one."

Eris snatched a bag of baby carrots, holding them tight in her hand as she turned.

"I was wrong." they said, chin set and eyes blazing, "And if you do a damn thing to him, if you hurt him thinking that'll bring me back to you, I'll kill you where you stand. And I will feel no remorse."

With that, he stormed his way back to Rick and tossed the vegetables into the shopping cart.

"You were staring." they muttered, taking the can of biscuits from his hand and dropping it into the cart alongside the rest of the groceries. Then, to his surprise, they folded their fingers into his own. For Eris, that was the equivalent of a public strip tease. Rick gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah, I know. Couldn't help it." he admitted, knowing better than to try and duck around it, "First time I've ever seen one of your old friends. Didn't realize there was anyone else... like me."

"She wasn't like you." Eris huffed, ducking around his arm to give the cart a brisk shove, "Nobody's like you."

"It's alright if she was." Rick argued, "I know I'm not the only person you've loved, doll. That's okay."

Eris opened his mouth to respond, then reconsidered and shook his head. It must've been a lot to explain, or something they couldn't bear to speak in such public company. Their posture was still tense, shoulders stony, and they didn't spare so much as a single glance back at the produce aisle.

"Nobody's like you." she just repeated, even more set and sullen. Rick decided there were two ways he could take that: a sign that this love was real, or a sign that the pattern would end up repeating itself in a few years. He decided to take it as the former. The latter, true as it might be, felt far too pessimistic.

"Rome!" a voice called from behind them, and finally Eris turned. Wisteria had caught up, and fire a glance between the two of them. Rick met her eyes calmly, and found something strange swimming there. She returned her gaze to Eris, unflinching. "A hundred years. Rome. Then we'll have our fight."

Rick could hear the other half of her words: because he won't be around by then. Maybe he should have been offended by the implications. He didn't bother. He'd always known there would be someone after him. He didn't expect to meet that someone, but... this was life with Eris. He'd learned to get used to things like this.

"Fine." Eris agreed, though the firm look never left her eyes, "I will meet you on the steps of the Colosseum in one hundred years exactly. We will have our fight."

Their grip tightened on his hand unexpectedly, right on the verge of being painful. Wisteria's eyes fell straight to it, and she frowned a little. Eris must not have been any more affectionate in their prior life.

"But you will get no love from me then." they concluded, "They will bury my heart when they bury him."

Rick saw hurt bloom across Wisty's face, a shocked and helpless sort of pain, but Eris just spun and gave the cart another brutal shove towards the checkout lanes. Rick found himself pausing an extra moment, looking into Wisty's shockingly crestfallen eyes and debating an apology.

In the end, he just shut his mouth and trailed after Eris, leaving Wisty where she stood. He had a sense that speaking to her would only make things worse. It was better just for him to be, in her mind, some speechless nameless thing at Eris' heels. It was probably safer for the both of them.

He caught up to Eris just shy of the checkout lanes, right as they set a rotisserie chicken in the front basket of the cart. She glanced up at him as he approached and offered him something like a smile. It was a little pointed, a little irritated, but he didn't mind that too much.

"You're mine." she muttered, possessive like a wolf to its mate, "Until they put you in the ground, you're mine."

"I love you too, wartime."