#and she is so so afraid of leaning into it at all at first but she just gets angrier and angrier and eventually it boils over

[rosenclaws]

Can you write about flat!reader x any Logan, where she is insecure of basically having no tits (like me) so she wants to keep a shirt on during sex and stuff and Logan notices and stuff lol

warnings: SMUT, MINORS DNI, fem!reader, dirty talk, mirror sex, doggy style, creampie, insecurity, the reader says self deprecating things about themselves, light choking, breast play

a/n: YES YES, I'm flat as fuck and I am super self conscious about them. These mfs look like mosquito bites on god. (I hate them so much bro just let me get some work done PLZ) Anyways Im doing this with Worst Logan bc I love him. Anyways.

Sometimes it was hard dating a man like Logan. It wasn't hard to love him, no not at all. Even with the baggage he claimed to have come with, it wasn't hard to deal with the nightmares or the moments of deep loathing and insecurity. You loved him and because of that being able to help him through it all was easy.

What was hard was dating a man who was over 200 years old and looked like a Greek fucking god.

The first time you ever saw Logan without his shirt was when you were visiting Wade. Logan walked out in nothing but pajama pants. You shamelessly eye-fucked the man before you. He was ripped. Strong arms, a six pack, big thighs, and a handsome face. Even after you started dating and managed to get him on a diet that was more than whiskey and cigars he was still unbelievably hot. You should feel lucky to have a man like that worship you and you love and appreciate him to death. The problem is that you felt like you couldn't compare.

Logan loves you and you know he does but when you're looking in the mirror you can't help but notice you're lacking in one specific area. Your boobs. You were flat and the world seemed to never let you forget it.

Cute tops you could never wear because your chest couldn't keep them up. Jokes about being flat as a board. You couldn't even hold them in your hands. You hated them. Logan never said anything about them but you were always too afraid to bring it up.

So you sat in this limbo of deep insecurity.

"Sweetheart? You still in there?" Logans muffled voice comes from behind the bathroom door.

Shit you didn't mean to be here for so long. A shower had turned into staring at the mirror. You covered them in your hands, pushing them together and huffing when they just looked sad. The events from earlier in the night replaying over in your head.

Ever since Logan showed up in the universe he had garnered some attention. The Wolverine was hard to hide. People would point and whisper whenever they saw him. Gossip about who he was and why he was here. It was all pointless to Logan. Still in the bathroom of the bar you managed to catch a conversation.

Two beautiful women talking about your boyfriend and how badly they wanted him. Talking about flirting with him and taking him home. It just hurt a little. Sure Logan could care less about anyone's advances but yours but they had truly gotten into your head.

Would Logan want someone who had...better assets?

Would he want a woman who's breasts he could hold, squeeze, rest his head on? It was silly but they were the one thing that you honestly just didn't like about yourself so it was hard to think logically about it.

"I'm coming in." Logan's voice calls again. You curse quietly as you scramble to get a shirt on. The last thing you wanted was for him to see you like this. Logan's eyes shamelessly look you up and down as he enters the bathroom. A small smirk growing on his lips as he leans against the door. You bite your lip as you look down towards the counter.

"Sorry, I just wanted to take an extra long shower." You lie, smiling at Logan.

He hums and pushes off the door. He comes to stand behind you, his arms snaking around your waist. You were dressed in nothing but a shirt and underwear and Logan liked it. A lot.

"Should've joined you. Could have helped get your back." Logan purrs, his growing bulge pressing against your back.

“Oh please we’d still be in the shower if you had joined me.” You tease, slipping out of his grip. Logan furrows his brows as he follows you like a puppy to bed.

"You say that like it's a bad thing sweetheart."

As you lay on the bed Logan crawls in-between your legs, resting his head on your stomach. He purrs as you reach and run your fingers through his hair, scratching his head in all the spots you know he loves.

"Not a bad thing honey, but our water bill isn't a fan." Logan gets up on his knees, a devilish smirk appearing on his lips as his hands snake up your legs.

"Fuck the water bill, If I want to fuck my gorgeous girlfriend I will." You giggle as he dips his head down. The scruff of his beard tickles your skin as he nibbles on your thighs.

"Fuck baby, I can't get enough of you." He kneels between your legs and his hands slip up your body. The moment his hands go under your shirt you flinch. You didn't mean to flinch but you did. It was a small movement but it was there and Logan felt it immediately.

"What's wrong?" He asks as he takes his hands away.

"Nothing." You smile and reach up to pull him closer but he doesn't budge. Curse his super strength. He gives you a look and you sigh.

"It's nothing Logan, it's stupid and small."

"Sweetheart you gotta talk to me," Logan huffs. He's been working on this whole, communication thing and while he's not known for his empathy he can clearly see there's something bothering you.

"I just..." He looks at you again and you fall back into the pillows.

"Its these!" You say pointing to your chest.

"Huh?" "They're small and stupid and I hate them!" You lift your shirt up and huff in frustration. Logan's eyes widen as he stares at your bare chest. A stupid smile forming on his lips.

"I'm not seeing the problem." You put your shirt down and he pouts.

"I'm serious Logan. They're small and flat and...and..." You struggle to find the words as Logan just chuckles.

"So what?"

"It's not funny!" You snap and Logan's face morphs into concern.

"I just, I wish they were bigger is all. I mean sometimes I see other women and...It's hard sometimes." You curl into yourself, your arms covering your chest protectively. It felt silly to bring up right now but the thoughts wouldn't go away.

"Hey, look at me sweetheart." Logan coos. He lays next to you. Gently snaking his arm around your waist to pull you closer.

"Please?" Reluctantly you turn your body to face his.

"There's my pretty girl." He tilts your chin up to meet his eyes.

"Look I'm not the best at this but I can tell you one thing. You're fucking perfect." He leans in and kisses your neck gently. Your eyes flutter close as he gently rolls on top of you.

"You are beautiful, gorgeous, hot. I could go on and on sweetheart." His hand slips up your shirt and you let him slowly peel it off you. He grins as his lips move down to your chest. His thumb comes to play with one of your breasts while he latches onto the other.

"Logan..." You moan as he teases you like he loves to do.

"I know you hate them but I fucking love them. I could spend hours playing with them, looking at them, sucking on them if you let me." You bite your lip at his dirty words. The insecurities being pushed out Logan's hands.

"I don't care how big they are, what the look like. Because they're attached to my girl and I love my girl." Logan reaches down and rips your panties off of your body. You gasp in surprise as he takes your legs and spreads them.

"Feel how fucking hard you make me." He groans as he grinds his cock against your body.

"Get on your knees baby." You don't hesitate to listen. You get on your knees and face the headboard but Logan has other plans.

"No, I want you to watch your pretty tits as I fuck you." He growls in your ear as he moves you to face the mirror on the wall.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head at his gruff voice. Fuck he's hot. You're practically dripping onto the sheets already and Logan plans on taking full advantage of that. Slowly he slides his cock into your cunt, taking his sweet time as he stretches you out.

"So good, taking me raw." He says with a smirk. He wraps his hand around your neck to help support you as your legs shake at the feeling.

"I know baby, almost there just a little bit more." He praises.

You nod furiously, wanting to take all of him no matter what. When he fully bottoms out you let out a small cry. He shushes you softly, pressing kisses to your cheek as you get used to the stretch.

"Feel alright sweetheart?" Logan asks and you nod. Slowly he moves his hips, soaking up every whine that falls from your lips.

"Fuck, you're just made for me aren't you pretty girl." You can't take your eyes off of the mirror.

It's pure and utter filth. You're disheveled, tears pooling in your eyes, Logan's hand is still wrapped around your neck. You look fucking hot. You can see his muscles flexing with each devastating thrust. The look of pure desire on his face as he fucks you.

"Logan please I'm gonna come." Your hips start to move to meet his thrusts.

Logan growls as he grabs onto your hips and pushes you into the mattress. All you can do is watch yourself take it as he fucks the life out of you. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as Logan breaks you apart. Your body feels fuzzy as your orgasm washes over you. Logan lets out a loud groan as his hips slam into you and stay there as he comes.

"Fuck...Look at you." Logan sits back, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you up. You hum as your head falls onto his chest. A tired smile on your face.

"So fucking perfect." Logan hums.

"Right sweetheart?" You mumble something unintelligible and Logan taps your face.

"I want to hear it." You shiver at the intensity of his voice.

"I'm perfect." Logan tilts your head up.

"All of you?" He asks.

"All of me." You repeat after him.

"Good," He kisses your temple.

You sigh as Logan starts to massage your shoulders. The insecurities have been washed away, only bliss left in its wake. Logan couldn't comprehend your dislike for your body, he saw you and only saw the best.

But if you needed a reminder every now and then, he would be happy to give it to you.

[jarofstyles]

Benefits II

Hi my ducklings, here is part two to Benefits.

Or, Y/N is shy about the agreement they’d made and Harry isn’t afraid to call her out on it.

first part to Benefits Here

Check out our Patreon for early access and 230+ exclusive posts!

WC- 3.4k

Warnings- asshole h, degradation, mean!Dom, slight humiliation, exhibitionism, name calling

---

As she stood at the bar sipping her drink and keeping up with the chatter of their friends, she could feel his eyes on her. It was a sensation she was becoming quite familiar with. She knew he was watching her from across the room, his dark gaze following her every move, and it made her skin heat under the surface. It was exactly why she made sure to arch her back slightly, ensuring her ass looked its absolute best in the tight jeans she was wearing.

The memory of his strong, brutal hands gripping her hips, guiding her movements as he took her from behind sent a shiver down her spine. Taking another sip of her drink, she tried to act casual despite the fire of arousal pooling in her core. Every so often, she'd glance in his direction, catching his unfaltering gaze before looking away with a barely there smile. The thrill of knowing what they'd shared, knowing what it felt like to have his mouth and hands on her while he pressed her into the sheets, all the while keeping up appearances in front of their friends, was intoxicating.

Harry did look particularly delicious tonight, his broad shoulders and muscular frame emphasized by the fitted shirt he was wearing. She remembered the feeling of those strong, inked arms wrapped around her, holding her close as he whispered filthy things in her ear that had her blushing just thinking about. No one had ever treated her the way he had. The way his broad body had covered hers, pinning her down as he claimed her so thoroughly. She squirmed slightly, pressing her thighs together as a wave of want washed over her.

Said tight black t-shirt showcased his tattoos beautifully, the sleeve of ink snaking down his left arm. She remembered tracing those tattoos with her fingers as he lay beside her, recovering after they’d both found release. He’d been surprisingly polite post sex considering his usual demeanor, making sure to clean her up and keep her steady, giving her a snack and taking her back to hers in his car to make sure she got home safely. But she didn’t need to think about that. His well-built arms were on display, the muscles flexing subtly as he cradled his beer bottle. She remembered the feel of those arms and hands, every blow, knead, squeeze, stroke and paw, the thrill of being held down still buzzing in her stomach.

It was crowded out tonight though, and she lost her window in seeing him much too soon. The bar was growing warmer by the moment, the press of bodies and the stifling atmosphere becoming a bit too much for her in particular- especially with the added heat of her body that was unable to let go of the illicit memories swirling through her cloudy brain. Excusing herself from the group, she slipped out the back door onto the quiet, dimly lit alley behind the bar. She leaned against the brick wall, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath of the cool night air, taking a second to unbutton the top two buttons of her blouse, fanning herself to try and cool down.

It was hard to concentrate on anything when was so lost in her thoughts- so much so that she didn't hear the door open. Startled, she looked up to see Harry walking towards her, the door swinging shut behind him. "Fuck! You scared me.” she hissed, clutching at her chest. Her heart pounded in her ears as she took in his towering form, the shadows cast by the dim light behind him only serving to emphasize his size.

“Didn’t mean to.” He murmured, arms crossed against his chest. The same arms she had been drooling over the whole night. “Y’alright?” Tilting his head, he looked her over before returning to her face. “Or did you jus’ want me to follow you out here.”

She bit her lower lip, considering his words. "No, I...I just needed some air. It's so hot in there," she explained, gesturing vaguely back towards the door. Her eyes flicked down to his biceps, something he had to be aware he was doing to her. It had been apparent that he was far more observant than she was, and he was using that to his advantage. She swallowed hard, meeting his gaze once more. 

“Y’didn’t text me this week.” He stepped closer, pulling the pack of cigarettes from his pocket along with the lighter. “Were you busy? Or did you just want me t’fuck off?”

She shook her head, eyes widening a bit as she reached out to take the cigarette he offered. He lit it for her, his fingers brushing against hers as he did so. "I wasn't busy," she admitted, taking a long drag on the cigarette. "I just...I didn't know if you wanted to hear from me or not." She looked up at him through the haze of smoke. It was weird to be confronted like this, to know someone else had so much power over her body in ways she doubted he could control. "I didn't want to assume."

Letting out a snort, he reached for the cigarette in her fingers, ignoring the lipstick on it and brought it to his lips. Letting her words linger, he took a pull before exhaling the bitter smoke and letting it drift away. “It isn’t an assumption. Told ya I wanted t’be friends with benefits. Left it in your court.” He didn’t want to seem like a complete ass just running to her for sex, but… “Should’ve called me. Texted, whatever. Could’ve had a little fun instead of runnin’ off to the alley cause you’ve been squeezing your thighs half the night while lookin’ at me when you think m’not.”

Y/N blushed furiously, taking the cigarette back from him. "I- I wasn't," she stammered, avoiding his piercing gaze. "It's just...hot in there." He raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. Like he could read right through her brain, analyze every filed thought she had put in there- even If it wasn’t very well organized. Harry knew better and there was no use in hiding it. She sighed, taking another drag. "Fine. Yes. I've been...thinking about last weekend. A lot." She met his eyes, her own filled with defeat.

“Good. So have I.” He leaned against the brick as he watched her smoke. “We should keep doing it, like I said. Y’don’t have to wear the jeans that hug your ass and give me looks across the room t’get what you want. You can jus’ tell me you want to be fucked.” Letting out a hum, he reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. “Would’ve been happy to do so. Been worked up. Think both of us coulda’ used the stress relief.”

Shivering at his words, her body reacted to the raw, blunt way he spoke. Something about it had her feeling it down to her toes. No one else spoke to her like that, let alone so vulgar in the way he did, but it didn’t meant she didn’t like it. Y/N took another drag of the cigarette, her fingers trembling slightly. "You're insane." She muttered, but there was no heat behind her words. "Fine, I'll let you know. Next time." She dropped her gaze to his lips, remembering how they felt against hers. Against her neck. Against her thighs… God, why did he make her feel this way? It was alarming. "And for the record, I like these jeans. Not everything I wear is for your attention." The jeans definitely were for his attention, though. She just wouldn’t admit it.

“Wasn’t complaining about the jeans, Sweetheart.” They did hug her perfectly. Then again, most things did if she bothered to ask him his opinion. “I wouldn’t complain if you let me inside of ‘em tonight. Though…” Dragging his finger down her hot cheek, he curled it around her chin to tilt it up. “I think you’d let me if I wanted to.”

She let out a soft hum as he tilted her chin up. "And what if you wanted to?" The thought of him pushing her up against the wall right here, hiking down her jeans and taking her roughly, was almost enough to make her beg. "Would you? Want to, I mean." Her voice was quiet, her breath catching in her throat as he looked down at her.

The reward for the sweet voice she gave him was one of his rare smiles, shaking his head at the girl that had made tonight far more difficult than she needed to. “Mm. I’ve wanted to since you walked in. But we don’t have enough time t’fuck considering one of the nosy brats will come looking.” He looked to the door and back to her. “So you can choose. Y’want me to slip my fingers into that pretty cunt? Or do you want to suck my cock.” It wasn’t a matter of being selfish, either. Harry had to have been oblivious to not have noticed how much she liked it last time. Called her his ‘pretty cockslut’, all the same.

Y/N glanced at the door, knowing they wouldn't have much time before someone came looking for her. It was a shame, too, because she had been wanting it all week. If her stupid insecurity hadn’t gotten in the way she was sure she’d have been able to get more than that prior to tonight bit… beggars couldn’t really be choosers. "Fingers," she breathed. "Please, just your fingers. I need it." She was desperate, her body aching for his touch. She reached out, grasping his wrist and pulling his hand to her waistband. "Now, please."

“Greedy.” He clicked his tongue. “Makin’ demands. Who says you could call the shots, hm?” His hand not captive by hers grubbed her chin firm, squeezing it enough to ensure he had her attention. “I’m the one in charge. S’all your fault, anyways. Could’ve gotten fucked half the week if you’d put your big girl panties on n’texted me.” The taunt had its desired effect as she rounded her eyes up at him. His fingers undid the button, palming over her tummy before slipping the fingers down and into her panties. “But think you caught me in a good mood tonight. Let’s see… How wet are you, mm?”

Her breath hitched as his calloused fingers pushed down into her underwear, slipping through her cunt with little hesitation. "It is your fault," she attempted to sass back, trying to regain some semblance of control. "For looking so...so menacing and hot." 

He chuckled darkly at her choice of words, his finger finding her soaking entrance and slipping inside. “Shut the fuck up, sweetheart.”

She moaned softly, her head falling back against the brick as it filled her. "Oh god, Harry." His single digit was the equivalent of two of hers. She’d tried well enough to recreate any feelings he’d given her that night throughout the week.

His fingers slid into her with ease, coating them in her arousal. She was absolutely drenched, clenching around him greedily, her body betraying just how desperately she had wanted his touch all night. Her juices smeared on his fingers and palm, the evidence of her desire unmistakable. "Fuck, you really are soaked, Y/N." Teeth grazing his lip, he crowded her against the wall, towering over her. “A little pathetic, don’t y’think?”

She whimpered needily as curled them just a tad, her hips rocking against his hand. "I can't help it," she gasped out, her voice thick with lust. "You just...you do this to me." Her hands fisted in his shirt, tugging him closer. "Please, Harry. I need more." The wet squelching sounds of his fingers pumping in and out of her dripping cunt could be heard if you listened close enough, stepping out into the alley.

“I know y’do. Needy little whore.” He cooed, making the word sound sweet. “Gonna have to be quick. Think you’re going to be able handle going back in there with all of ‘em, knowing you just got fingerfucked in the back alley? Like the slut you are?” Harry could tell just how much she liked it. He’d known just by her first interaction with him that she’d like this, but knowing they were compatible only made this even more fulfilling.

Her legs trembled lightly as he quickened his pace, his thumb swirling around her swollen clit. "Y-Yes," she stammered, her mind foggy with desire, his thick finger adding another inside to make her tear up. It was pathetic, as he said, but it wasn’t something she could help. It was just how he affected her. "Please, just...more. Harder. I'm so close." She could barely think straight, let alone care about the embarrassment of returning to the group. All she could focus on was the heat pooling in her belly and the intense pleasure he was wringing from her body. 

When it was over and her face was hot, her panties sticky, and her cum on his hand? She’d probably feel those nerves about facing everyone after being finger fucked half dumb in an alleyway. Especially after begging for it, loving the feel of his fingers digging into her jaw to keep her face tilted up towards him so he could watch her face- but that was part of the thrill, wasn’t it?

“Already?” He laughed in disbelief. “Fuck me. You really are filthy. Can’t believe it.” Curling his fingers up into her, he did what he could with the denim keeping his hand trapped. “Think m’gonna take you home after the night wraps up. Let you sit with your sticky cunt and think about how silly you were to not call me when you needed me so bad you’re making a mess out here. Think you still need t’suck me, don’t you?”

She let out a muffled cry as he curled his fingers upwards, her inner walls clamping down around him. "Yes, yes, I need it. I want to." she whimpered, feeling his fingers lessen on her face and making her head falling into his chest. Her release was building rapidly, the coil in her belly tightening with each thrust of his hand. "Harry, please, I'm going to-"

“You’re going to what?” He taunted, pulling her head back by the hair. “C’mon, good girl. Those lips are good for more than sucking cock, aren’t they? Y’like to talk all night to everyone else. Talk.” 

She choked out a moan as he pulled her head back, her body shaking with the force of her impending orgasm. "I'm going to cum.”

“Say please.” He reprimanded. “You can do better than that. You’re so polite with everyone else too. Where are the manners for me?” The tone was condescending, cruel, and it made her want to cum. He could feel it as she pulsed around his fingers. “Where is that sweet girl, hm? Or do I only get the slut t’night?”

She whimpered, her face contorting with the effort to hold back. "P-please, Harry. Please, may I come? Please?" The words tumbled out of her mouth, desperate and needy and everything she knew he wanted despite the desperation. "I can't hold back, please. I need-" Her cry was muffled by his hand, clamping over her mouth as her orgasm hit her with full force. She bucked against his hand, her body clinging to his as waves of pleasure washed over her. Her inner muscles milked his fingers, more of her cum coating his fingers.

She let out a soft mewl against his palm as he buried his fingers deep one final time, pressing her firmly against the brick to keep her up. Holding her trembling body as she came down from her high, he gave quiet reassurance as he felt her pulse around his digits.

She sagged against him, her body boneless in the aftermath of her intense release. She nuzzled into his chest, her breath hitching as he slowly withdrew his fingers, feeling the wet smear as he pulled it out of her panties. He’d made a mess out of her. She whimpered at the loss, her eyes fluttering shut as he showed her the slick coating them. "That's...that's embarrassing." she murmured, her face hot as she leaned her head back from him to rest on the wall.

“S’not.” He muttered, sucking the wetness from his digits with a soft hum. “Told you. Think I like you a little bit pathetic. Makes my cock hard. You do a good job.”

What did it say about her that she felt slightly giddy over the thought of him being turned on by her needy behavior? That Y/N felt a thrill of excitement at the idea of being his pathetic little thing? She reached out, her hand shaking as she tried to clean his fingers with her thumb. Her brain was jumbled and the air felt much warmer now, making her take a few breaths as the pieces of the puzzle came back together as her body joined her back down on earth. "So you’re…. um, when we’re done, we’re leaving together?"

“Yeah.” He wiped the remnants of her on his jeans, using the clean hand to fix her hair. “Think you can behave long enough without my cock t’get through the rest of the night?”

She bit her lip, her eyes flicking down to the bulge in his jeans. "I'll try," she promised, her voice still holding a bit of breathlessness to it. Y/N had to wonder if she’d ever truly have the upper hand but… did she actually want to? Having him control her in ways everyone else had failed was really fucking nice. "But you can't look at me like that. And...and you have to behave too." She reached out, tracing the seam of his zipper over his cock. "Can you? Behave, I mean." She knew he was as eager as she was.

“I can.” He shot her a look, putting his hand over hers to place her palm over his cock. “M’not the greedy, crying slut here. I can wait until we leave.”

Her touch grew firmer as she wrapped her hand around his erection through his pants. "But what if I can't wait?" she taunted, her voice low. "What if I want to touch you right now? What would you do?" She leaned in close, her breath hot against his ear. "Would you push me to my knees?" She slowly unbuttoned his pants, her knuckles brushing against his hard flesh.

Her seduction was halted when she felt the large hand wrapping around her throat. It wasn’t too rough, pushing her back and crowding her against the wall with his body, but she felt the thrill as his voice emerged as a dark snarl. “I said, we’re waiting. Don’t be a fucking brat or you won’t get my cock in your throat tonight. I know you’re gagging for it.” His breath washed against her lips. “But if you ask me real sweet, I’ll let you taste my tongue before I take your horny ass inside.”

Her pulse jumped under his fingers. The threat in his words sent a shiver down her spine, even as her cunt clenched with renewed need. Y/N searched his eyes, seeing the barely restrained hunger there. "Please, Harry?" she breathed, her voice trembling. "Can I taste your tongue? I promise I'll be good for the rest of the night."

What had this man done to her? 

Usually Y/N was the one who left men begging- but this borderline asshole of a man ruined her panties just by calling her pathetic. She wasn’t sure what was happening, but she knew it was something she’d worry about later. “There y’go. seems like you can listen to direction after all.” His hand around her throat tightened possessively as he crushed his mouth to hers. His tongue pushed past her parted lips, licking against hers in a filthy slick over. Y/N moaned softly, her arms winding around his neck as she pulled him closer. The kiss was wet, messy, and full of promise that made her knees feel weak. She didn’t want it to end, not even for a second- but when he finally pulled back, they were both breathless. "I'll be good. I promise."

[orchidseason]

Too Clingy...?

ִ ࣪𖤐 loser!ellie w x fem!reader

After weeks of tension with your roommate, you turn to your girlfriend Ellie for comfort. But when a teasing comment makes you question your place in her life, you distance yourself, afraid of being "clingy."

warnings ִ ࣪𖤐 word count 1.5k, college!AU, established relationship, anxiety (r), overthinking, hurt/comfort, misunderstanding, emotional breakdown, mild language, kissing

It had been a rough few weeks. The tension with your roommate had reached a breaking point, and you were finding it hard to breathe, let alone function. Every day felt like a struggle. You’d been feeling emotionally drained, constantly walking on eggshells, and trying to avoid conflict in your own space. Your dorm room had become a place of silence, and it felt like you were suffocating.

One night, after another argument with your roommate that left you feeling small and unimportant, you packed a bag and went straight to Ellie’s. You didn’t even need to text her beforehand—Ellie always knew when you needed her. Her dorm had become your safe space, the place where you could let go of all the tension and just breathe.

Ellie opened the door, her face softening when she saw you. She immediately pulled you into a tight hug. “Hey! Woah...what’s wrong?” she asked, her voice gentle.

You sniffled and buried your face in her shoulder. “My roommates a fucking bitch. She argues with me about the stupidest things and leaves passive aggressive sticky notes everywhere and then she just keeps-I just cant do it. Im so done."

Ellie tightened her grip on you, her hands running through your hair soothingly. “Shh, babe. You’re always welcome here, you know that. You don’t need to explain it all to me."

In the weeks that followed, you found yourself at Ellie’s more often than not. Being with her was an escape. You’d spend your evenings wrapped in the warmth of her arms, playing games, watching movies, or simply lying together in a comfortable silence. For the first time in a long time, you truly felt like you could let go of all the stress that had built up.

You and Ellie were lying on her bed, curled up together. You had your head resting on her shoulder while she played Minecraft on her phone, tapping away at the screen as you both enjoyed the quiet of the room. It was one of those perfect moments where everything felt in place. You didn’t need to talk. You didn’t need to do anything except be there with her.

Ellie talked suddenly, breaking the silence. She glanced at you with a teasing grin. “You’re really here every night now, huh? I might start calling you my official roommate. Getting a little clingy, mm?"

The comment hung in the air, and your stomach sank. The word "clingy" hit you like a ton of bricks. She said it with that usual mischievous smile, but something about the way she said it made your chest tighten.

Clingy.

The word echoed in your mind as you lay there, still and frozen. Had you been too much? Was she annoyed with you? You’d been spending so much time at her place lately, leaning on her for comfort when you didn’t know where else to go. Maybe she was tired of it. Maybe she was tired of you.

Ellie went on, completely unaware of how her words had affected you. “I’m just messing with you,” she said, laughing lightly, pressing a kiss to your cheek, "you know my favorite you is clingy you."

Still, you couldn’t shake the doubt. It festered in the pit of your stomach. Clingy. You wanted to push it out of your mind, but it was all you could think about. Maybe she really was tired of you. Maybe her joke had truth lining in it and she was wanting some space from you.

You stayed quiet, too lost in your head to respond. When the moment passed, you quietly gathered your things, not looking at Ellie. “I should head out... I’ve got a lot of work to do,” you said, your voice soft and distant.

Ellie didn’t seem to notice your change in energy. She was already absorbed in her phone again, focused on the game, not on you. She didn’t look up when you left, but if she had-she would not have let you leave.

As you walked out, your heart felt heavy. Had you been too much? Too clingy? Ellie had always been understanding, but that comment, though playful, made you spiral.

You didn’t go back to your dorm. Instead, you found yourself at the library, hiding away from the world. You tried to focus on your schoolwork, but the thoughts wouldn’t stop swirling in your mind. Was she really tired of you? Had you made things awkward? You didn’t want to burden her anymore, but the more you thought about it, the more you questioned whether she really wanted you around.

Days passed, and you kept your distance. You couldn’t bring yourself to reach out to Ellie. Maybe she was right; maybe you had become clingy, and now you were giving her space to breathe.

You didn't respond to her texts and calls and you're sure that's what set her off to finally just track you down on your shared location one afternoon.

While you were hunched over a stack of textbooks in the library, you heard a familiar voice.

“Hey,” Ellie said softly, making you jump. You didn’t even need to look up to know it was her. “Haven’t seen you around in a while. Everything okay?”

"That's good news, isn't it?"

She looks confused, a little hurt, "what...?"

Your throat tightened, and before you could stop it, all the thoughts you’d been bottling up poured out. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” you said, voice cracking. “It’s just... It's me. I’ve been overthinking everything since you called me clingy. I know it was a joke, but Ellie it's true. I spend so much time at your dorm, in your space. I didn't want to overwhelm you anymore so I just-"

Ellie knelt in front of you, her gaze softening. “No, hey stop that,” she said gently, taking your hands in hers. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just messing with you. I love having you in my dorm, I prefer it. You’re not clingy. You never could be. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were.”

You bit your lip, feeling the weight lift off your shoulders, but the hurt was still there, lingering. “I didn’t want to make things weird, and here I am making it weird."

Ellie smiled, brushing a hand over your cheek. “You could never make things weird, babe. I promise."

You blinked back tears, suddenly overwhelmed by how much you needed to hear those words. Ellie leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I’m always here for you, okay? Don’t shut me out.”

You smiled, finally feeling like you could breathe again. You nodded, feeling safe in her arms as she held you close.

“I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you too,” Ellie replied, leaning in after to press a kiss to your lips.

taglist // @kaykeryyy

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

I feel like Taissa is often mischaracterized as cold and/or having no remorse just because she’s ambitious and strong-willed. Her softness and empathy are often overshadowed by her ambition, which is a huge part of her character, but they absolutely shine through when you look closer. She's incredibly goal-oriented and driven, which can make her seem cold or calculating on the surface, but her actions reveal a deep sense of love and care for the people in her life. I really feel like Taissa’s compassion and strong sense of morality are criminally overlooked. In my view, she’s actually one of the most empathetic and remorseful characters on the show.

She is absolutely horrified with herself after she discovers she ate Jackie, so much so that she vomits and screams in despair. After she accidentally breaks Allie’s leg, she’s hanging her head in the locker room in shame and you can hear the remorse in her voice when she swears to Shauna that she didn’t mean to do it.

Tai supports Shauna through her pregnancy in the wilderness and through her affair with Adam (Tai is the first person Shauna tells about both of these things, and Tai passes no judgment, offering only warmth), she risks her own life to save Van from the wolves and doesn’t leave her side as she waits for the group to go get help, she is the only one to show genuine understanding and empathy for Natalie in the adult timeline (“Who does Natalie have?”), she is the one to stop Nat from shooting the blackmailers, and she is so scared of hurting her family that she begs Simone to leave her.

She is just as against Lottie’s leadership and the Wilderness worship as Nat is and she is not afraid to speak up about the dark practices she senses the group is descending into (“She’s not God you guys”). The only reason she eventually joins in Lottie’s circles is because she wants to support Van.

She’s not someone who wears her heart on her sleeve like Natalie, but she expresses her affection through actions: protecting others, making tough decisions, and taking on burdens to keep the group (or her family) afloat. Her empathy is quieter, but it’s always there, and it’s a core part of who she is. She just doesn’t allow herself the vulnerability of fully leaning into that side, because it might feel like a weakness in the face of all the responsibility she carries. It’s easy to misinterpret her actions—like freezing out Allie, forcing Shauna to burn Jackie’s body, or relentlessly pursuing her Senate campaign—as prioritizing ambition over her friends and family, but in her mind, she’s doing it for the people she loves, to create a better future for them. Her intentions are rooted in love, even if they don’t always land the way she hopes.

Does she do some really, really fucked up things sometimes? Yes, definitely. But so does every single character on this show, that’s the point. They all have some degree of kindness and compassion within them (yes, even Misty), but none of them know how to show it in a healthy way. Taissa’s way of showing love may be a bit gruff and stoic on the surface, but underneath you can tell how much she cares about the people around her and is absolutely terrified of hurting them.

[bapeach]

Stolen kisses

A shorter story as I try to get back into the writing mood. Let me know what you guys think! Constructive criticism is always welcome :D Find my masterlist here :)

Pairing(s): Nika Mühl x female!reader  Word count: 3k+ Warnings: Timeline doesn’t make sense/underage drinking?, make out sessions, hickeys, no smut but suggestive scenes Summary: You break your "no dating teammates" rule for a certain Croatian. Stolen moments between Nika and you just make life that much sweeter. ------------

When you first joined UConn, you had one rule. Never date your teammates. That rule quickly went out the window, however, when you met Nika Mühl. 

You two immediately clicked when you first met. You shared the same humor, loved teasing each other, weren’t afraid to speak your mind, and had each other’s backs. You’d only known each other for a few weeks when you two kissed for the first time. It was on the empty UConn court when everyone had already left. Nika had challenged you to a 1v1 to determine, once and for all, who the better player is.

While you loved seeing her smile and tease you about being better, you weren’t about to let her win. You played your heart out that day. It paid off too, you won by 2 points. Once the game was over, the both of you were panting as you walked up to her. You gave her a smirk as you took her hand and shook it. “Not bad, Mühl, just not good enough,” you said with a wink. She looked up at you as she rolled her eyes, but you could see her eyes twinkle in amusement. You were standing close enough to feel the heat radiate off of each other. You were glad no one else was around to feel the tension between you two. 

That’s when your resolve snapped, and you kissed her. You’d grabbed her hips and pulled her in, kissing her hard and full of emotion. She’d gasped against your mouth before bringing her hands to your face, kissing you back just as hard. As you pulled away to breathe, you’d stayed close enough that your forehead was touching hers. 

That was the first of many kisses. Secret, stolen kisses behind closed doors.

The team was great, and you both trusted them with your life, but you wanted to keep your relationship just between the two of you for a little longer. Now, it was a few months later, and you were still sneaking around, stealing quiet moments with the brunette, away from the team. You were ready to tell them, knowing they’d be happy for you, but Nika was still hesitant. You were okay with that, though. You only cared about her, it didn’t matter who knew. You only wished the girls could know so you two could have more time together. Not wanting to push the Croatian girl, you didn’t bring it up a lot, but you still tried every so often.

In just one more week, Nika and you will have been dating for 6 months. And honestly, these have been the best months of your life. 

You were currently on your way to the nearest café, having agreed to meet your team there for breakfast. You haven’t even made it outside of your dorm building when you see Nika, Paige, and Azzi walking in the hallway. You speed up a bit, trying not to make a sound as you get closer. When they’re about to turn a corner, you grip Nika’s wrist and pull her back, your other hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. She gasps against your hand before seeing it's you. Her wide eyes now squinting as she slaps you softly for scaring her. You send her a wink before leaning around the corner to see Paige and Azzi still walking, oblivious to the fact that Nika was no longer with them.

You push her against the wall and take your hand off her mouth. You regret it almost immediately. “You’re such an asshole! You scared the shit out of me!” She says in a hushed voice as she slaps your arm again. You chuckle as you try to avoid her hand. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” You laugh, holding your hands up in surrender. She just rolls her eyes at you before asking, “What’s up?”

“I just wanted a moment alone with you… Needed to tell you something,” you hum as you grip her hips and push her against the wall a little harder as you lean in closer. Her breathing stutters for a moment. “Hmm, and what’s that?” She says, looking up at you, her pupils wide. “This,” you mutter before kissing her passionately. You pull back a little, “And this.” You kiss her again, one hand letting go of her hips as you bring it to her cheek. “And also this,” you pant slightly, bringing your lips together one last time as you kiss her deep and lovingly. 

When you pull back, her pupils are so wide, you can barely still see her irises. Her cheeks are a beautiful rose, while her lips are a bright red from kissing you. You smile softly at her, still not believing that the prettiest girl in the world is yours. She finally breaks eye contact, looking down as she shakes her head a bit to get rid of the haze she’s in.

“We should get going, P and Azz are gonna send out a search party for me,” she mumbles. “Y’know, we could just tell them… Tell the whole team about us… Y’know they would be happy for us, and we wouldn’t have to sneak around so much,” you mumble, your thumb tracing circles on her hip. “We can’t. I… I’m not ready yet,” Nika says as her eyebrows furrow and her eyes become sad. 

Your chest becomes a little heavier. You’re not sure if it’s from the fact that Nika doesn’t want to tell the team or if it’s because she looks so upset. You shake your head softly, sending her a tiny smile. “It’s okay, we don’t have to. We’ll wait until you’re ready, there’s no rush,” you whisper. You give her one last kiss on the corner of her mouth before you let her go. 

“C’mon then,” you grin, trying to cheer her up as you pull her off of the wall and sling an arm around her shoulders. She lets you keep your arm there until you reach the lobby of the building. Azzi and Paige are already there waiting for her. “Where the hell did you go?” Paige asks the Croatian as she daps you up. “Bumped into Y/N, so we started walking together, but she had to tie her shoelace,” the brunette replies, lying with ease. Her cheeks become a little flushed again at the memory, but Paige and Azzi don’t notice, already walking towards the exit. You just send her a flirty wink and a grin before following your teammates.

Once you reach the café and greet everyone, you sit down and order some breakfast. You’re seated between KK and Azzi, Nika sitting right in front of you. You send her a smirk, chuckling as she rolls her eyes. When your food and drink arrive, you enjoy your meal as you laugh with the team. “We should go out tonight!” Paige exclaims loudly. “Practices start again tomorrow, and you wanna go and get drunk?” Azzi says, raising an eyebrow at the blonde. “Exactly! Our last free day! C’monnnn, you know you wanna,” Paige replies, sending puppy eyes at the whole team. 

Everyone looks at each other hesitantly, trying to decide if it’s a good idea. “C’mon Y/N, back me up!” The star player begs, her eyes wide as she pouts slightly. You knew this wouldn’t be a good idea. Practice was going to be rough even without being hungover, so the right thing to do was to say no. But let’s be real, there was no way you were going to pass up the opportunity to see your girl all pretty and dressed up. Nika also was a flirty drunk, so you knew you were going to have fun.

A smirk forms on your face as you look at Paige. “Why the hell not?” You say. Your team starts nodding their heads in agreement, some of them mumbling about being screwed. Paige raises her arms as she cheers, only quieting down when getting a slap to the back of the head from Nika. She huffs as she crosses her arms and frowns dramatically, making everyone laugh. “Are you sure you’re old enough to go to a bar, you big baby?” Azzi teases as the blonde’s mouth drops open in offense. Nika slaps her hand to her mouth as she snorts from laughter. You look at her lovingly before starting a conversation with KK, not wanting anyone to catch your staring.

Once breakfast is over, everyone splits up to go do their own thing. Some girls invite you over to play Fortnite, but you decline. If you’re going out tonight, you should probably finish some of the schoolwork you had been shoving aside. You wave everyone goodbye, sending Nika one last wink before you leave. You walk with a pep in your step, excited about going out and seeing your girl all dolled up.

The rest of the day goes by pretty fast, and before you know it, it’s time to get ready. You hop in the shower after sending Nika a flirty invitation to join you, laughing as she sends you smirk faces back. Once you’re done, you quickly dry your hair before walking over to your closet. You pick out your favorite outfit, the one you know drives your girlfriend crazy, and put on your nicest perfume. You finish your look with a few rings and a necklace, giving yourself a once-over in the mirror. You grab your phone, keys, and wallet as you walk over to the door, texting the group chat to ask who were going to be the designated drivers and who’d be driving with whom. 

To your dismay, Nika won’t be in the same car as you, so you won’t get to see her until you’re at the bar. You walk towards the dorm where you knew your group was meeting up, sending your girl a quick text to let her know you were leaving soon and would meet her there. She doesn’t reply immediately, letting you know she’s probably still getting ready. You’re the last to arrive to your group, so you all leave once you get there.

Reaching the bar, you find a table to sit at as you wait for the others. You’re laughing at KK doing a dramatic reenactment of something that happened in class when you hear the other girls greet each other. You look over, and for a moment your heart stops. There she is. Nika.

She’s wearing a black dress that fits her just right. Her hair is wavy, while her makeup somehow makes her look even more attractive. A dainty necklace is glistening on her chest, catching the dim bar light. 

“Are you even listening?” KK whines in your ear before following your gaze. Thankfully, she gets distracted by the other girls arriving and doesn’t realize the heart eyes you were making at the Croatian. You swallow harshly as you catch her eye. She sends you a smug smirk, seeing the way she’s affecting you. 

You get up to greet everyone before walking over to her and leaning closer. You mutter, “You look beautiful, baby,” in her ear, grinning as a shiver goes through her body. 

You step back, announcing you’re going to get everyone some shots. You give Nika’s arm a soft squeeze as you walk past her, talking to Azzi as she follows you to help you out. You’re glad you’re not the designated driver today, knowing it would be pure torture to have to stay sober the whole evening and not be able to touch Nika. 

It’s not long before most girls are tipsy, laughing at the stupidest things and blabbing about God knows what. You’re sipping your drink and laughing at Paige’s weird dream when you feel someone tug your arm. You look up from your seat to see a flushed Nika in front of you. “Come dance with me,” she demands. You get up, giving the blonde next to you a sheepish grin and a shrug.

The Croatian leads you to the middle of the dance floor before she starts dancing with you. Her moves are sensual but still innocent enough to make it look like two good friends just having fun. You grab onto her, pulling her closer between the sea of bodies. You twist her around, breathing into her neck as she leans her back against you. She smells like her signature perfume mixed with the drinks she’s had tonight and a bit of sweat from all the dancing. You dance for a few songs until you can’t take it anymore. You grab her hand and pull her towards the bathroom. Once you’re in there and have made sure you’re alone, you push her against the wall and kiss her hungrily.

“So pretty for me,” you pant against her mouth. She responds by grabbing your face and pulling you into another breathtaking kiss. She leans back a little, trying to catch her breath as you start trailing kisses down her neck. You know you two had agreed to not leave marks, but you couldn’t help it. Not when she looked like an actual goddess and was eyeing you with those beautiful wide eyes. You leave a few red marks across her skin before you get interrupted by knocking on the door. 

You pull back, breathing heavily and giving her a questioning look. “Let’s go home,” she breathes out, desperation clear in her voice. You let her pull you out of the bathroom and out of the bar as you order an Uber to take you back. You can hardly keep your hands off of her, but you know you can’t risk the team seeing you. You text Azzi that you’re leaving, while Nika texts Aaliyah, making sure it’s not too obvious that you’re leaving together.

Once you make it to your dorm, you barely have time to close the door before the brunette is kissing you again. You lead her to your bedroom, not letting her get farther than a few inches. You don’t go much further than making out that night, knowing you both have had quite a few drinks, and don’t want to do anything while intoxicated. You don’t mind, though. Having her here in your arms as she dozes off, slightly snoring, is more than enough.

The next day, you wake up to your head pounding. You stay in bed a few extra minutes, enjoying the brunette’s soft breathing against your chest, before you get up and get ready for the day. Once you feel more presentable, you take some painkillers with a glass of water. You grab some extra pills and water for Nika, placing them on her nightstand as you go to make breakfast. 

15 minutes later, you’re almost done with the food. Hearing the soft patter of footsteps behind you, you turn around and smile softly. The brunette’s hair is a mess, she has a bit of drool dried in the corner of her mouth, and she has panda eyes from her leftover makeup. Yet she still manages to look gorgeous and make your heart skip a beat.

You hold your arms open as she falls into your hug. You kiss her forehead, muttering a good morning. You wish you could wake up like this every day. The love of your life tightly in your arms as you prepare to face the rest of the day. Once she pulls back, you rub your thumb gently against her mouth, wiping away the drool before giving her a soft kiss. You enjoy breakfast together before she goes to get ready, and you both split up to meet again at practice. 

When you reach the locker room, the whole team is already there. Some girls are holding their heads and frowning in regret, while others are grinning widely and teasing the others. You’re glad your headache is gone as Paige and KK sing loudly, trying to annoy the other girls as much as possible. You make eye contact with Nika across the room as you send her a playful wink. Her face becomes a soft pink color as she smiles back.

Everything is normal when you start changing into your basketball uniform until you hear KK gasp loudly. You’re in the middle of pulling on your shirt when you hear Paige yell, “What’s that!” When you finally get your shirt on, you see KK pointing at Nika as both she and Paige stare at the Croatian with wide eyes. You try to hide your smile as you see the purple marks littered across the other girl’s neck. 

“OOOHH, SOMEONE GOT LAIDDDDD!” KK cheers. Nika becomes a bright red as all the girls are now looking at her with smirks. “Oh my God, shut up,” she mumbles back as she puts her face in her hands. “C’mon twin, tell us, who was itttt?” Paige grins as she wiggles her eyebrows and shimmies her shoulders. Having realized that her team is going to bug her anyway, Nika sits up straighter, no longer being so embarrassed. “I don’t kiss and tell,” she smirks. 

“Boooo,” Paige groans as she throws her head back. You chuckle at her dramatics. You look back at Nika, who’s already eyeing you. Your staring gets interrupted as Paige loudly complains, “This is almost as bad as the time Y/N wouldn’t tell us who gave her those scratches on her back.” You smirk as you send everyone a shrug, not ashamed in the slightest. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Nika look away, her face blazing at the memory. 

Your chest feels warm. Sure, you’d love to have everyone know that you managed to have the Nika Mühl go out with you. But in moments like this, you didn’t really care. You loved hearing the team tease your girl, not knowing it was you who she was going out with. Loved the thrill of sneaking her looks without getting caught. So yeah, stolen kisses weren’t so bad when they brought you heaven on earth with the girl you were sure you’d marry some day.

[cosmiclily]

chapter five: a quiet place

wc: 2.5k

Archie gave the four of you a week to rest, a much-needed break after the whirlwind of shows and the final concert in LA. He assured you he’d spend that time sorting through the offers from record labels, narrowing down the best options for the band to consider. For now, all you had to do was recharge.

You spent the first half of the week at home, a luxury you hadn’t had in what felt like ages. Your small apartment had never seemed so welcoming—or so quiet. The faint scent of lavender lingered in the air from a candle you’d left burning, and sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains, casting soft patterns on the walls.

You devoted much of your time to tending to your plants, which, to your surprise, had survived your absence. The little jungle you’d cultivated in your living room was a mix of vibrant greens and delicate blooms, and caring for them brought a sense of calm you didn’t realize you needed.

Another bright spot of your week was Margaret, your neighbor who lived just down the hall. She was the kind of person who seemed to have endless energy and warmth, always ready with a smile and a story. When she heard you were home, she knocked on your door with a plate of fresh-baked goods—a mix of buttery cookies and warm banana bread that melted in your mouth.

“Thought you could use some real food after all that fast living,” she teased, her eyes twinkling. “I saw some of the videos from your concert. My grandson showed me—oh, you all were fantastic!”

You smiled, feeling an unexpected wave of gratitude. “Thanks, Margaret. It’s good to be back. And these look amazing, as always.”

She gave you a knowing look as you took the plate. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself, dear. Fame or no fame, it’s important to stay grounded.”

Margaret reminded you so much of your mom, and the resemblance tugged at something deep inside you. It had been months since you last spoke to her. The silence between you started after that explosive fight with your dad—the one where he’d said things you couldn’t forget, let alone forgive. What stung even more was how your mom had stayed quiet, never once standing up for you.

You’d replayed that moment countless times, wondering why she hadn’t defended you. Did she agree with him? Or was she too afraid to speak out? Either way, it had created a chasm between you, one that felt harder to cross with each passing day.

As you sat on your couch that evening, the warmth of Margaret’s banana bread lingering on your tongue, you found yourself staring at your phone. Your thumb hovered over your mom’s contact, the urge to call her battling against your pride. You wanted to tell her about the band’s success, about LA, about how far you’d come despite everything.

Before you could make a decision, the sharp buzz of your doorbell startled you, cutting through the quiet. Frowning, you glanced at the clock. It was almost 8 p.m., and you weren’t expecting anyone—especially on a Thursday. You set your phone down and got up, padding toward the door.

As you unlocked it and pulled it open, a pair of familiar blue eyes stared back at you.

“Vi,” you said, a little surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Hey,” she replied, her voice softer than usual as she shifted her weight awkwardly. She held a crumpled notebook in one hand, her other stuffed into the pocket of her hoodie. “Can I come in?”

You stepped aside, opening the door wider. “Sure. Come on in.”

Vi stepped into your apartment, glancing around as though she hadn’t been here dozens of times before. She seemed hesitant, almost out of place in the cozy atmosphere of your living room. She hovered near the edge of the couch, not quite sitting down yet.

“What do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” you asked, crossing your arms and leaning against the doorframe. There was no malice in your tone, just genuine curiosity. Vi wasn’t the type to show up unannounced.

She shrugged, holding up the notebook. “I, uh... I had some lyrics I wanted to show you. I know we’ve got the meeting on Sunday, but these have been bouncing around in my head, and I figured... you know. Might as well share them now.”

You raised an eyebrow, motioning for her to sit. “Couldn’t wait, huh?”

Vi gave a small smirk, finally sinking onto the couch. “Not really. You know how it is—when something’s stuck in your brain, it’s hard to let it go.”

You nodded, sitting across from her in the armchair. “Yeah, I get that. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

She hesitated for a moment before handing you the notebook. The pages were a little worn, with scribbled notes and scratched-out lines in the margins. You could tell she’d been working on this for a while.

As you read, the words began to take shape in your mind. The lyrics were raw, filled with the kind of emotion Vi always managed to channel so well. There were hints of longing, heartbreak, and even a glimmer of hope. It was personal—maybe the most personal thing she’d written in a long time.

“These are... really good, Vi,” you said, looking up at her. “Like, really good. Where did this come from?”

She shrugged again, avoiding your gaze. “I don’t know. Just... stuff I’ve been feeling, I guess. Thought maybe we could use it for something.”

You studied her for a moment. There was something vulnerable about her tonight, a softness that was usually hidden behind her tough exterior. “Are these about Caitlyn?” you asked gently.

Vi tensed slightly but nodded. “Yeah. I mean, not just about her, but... yeah. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. About how I handled stuff, how I didn’t handle stuff. Writing helps, you know?”

You gave her a small smile. “Yeah, I do. And for what it’s worth, I think this is some of your best work. We can definitely do something with it.”

She looked up at you then, a flicker of relief in her eyes. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure if it was... too much.”

“Not at all,” you assured her. “If anything, it’s exactly what we need right now. It’s honest.”

Vi leaned back against the couch, letting out a breath she seemed to have been holding. “Good. That’s... good. I’m glad.”

For a moment, the two of you sat in comfortable silence, the weight of unspoken words hanging between you. Finally, Vi spoke again.

“I’m trying, you know,” she said quietly. “To get my shit together. For the band, but also... for myself.”

You met her gaze, nodding. “I can see that. And I’m proud of you, Vi. We all are.”

She gave you a small, lopsided smile. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

As the evening wore on, the two of you ended up talking about the band, the tour, and everything in between. By the time Vi finally left, it was almost midnight, and you felt a strange sense of peace. Maybe things weren’t perfect, but they were getting better. Slowly, piece by piece, you were all finding your way.

──────────────────────

When Sunday finally came around, anxiety settled into your chest like a weight you couldn’t shake. You gripped the steering wheel tighter than necessary as you drove to the office, glancing at the cup holder where your coffee sat untouched and lukewarm. The faint aroma teased you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to take even one sip. Everything about this day felt too important, too heavy.

This was it—the moment where dreams started to take shape or collided with reality. For the first time, the success of the band didn’t just feel like an abstract goal; it was a tangible possibility. And that made it all the more terrifying.

You tried to rehearse what you wanted to say to Archie in your head, but the words felt clunky and insincere. You knew what you wanted—needed, really—from a label. Creative freedom, no stifling expectations, no cookie-cutter demands to fit into a box someone else built for you. But deep down, you also knew the truth: success would come with compromises. Some decisions would be out of your control, and you’d have to live with that.

As you pulled into the parking lot, your heart sank when you saw Vi’s motorcycle already parked outside. Of course she’d be early—before her crash out she was always the one to show up first, as if it gave her a sense of control over things she couldn’t actually control. You grabbed your coffee, even though it was too cold to drink, and headed inside.

The office was buzzing with a nervous energy. Jinx was perched on the edge of a couch, twirling a pen between her fingers while humming a tune under her breath. Ekko was leaned over a table covered in notes and printouts, his brow furrowed as if he were mentally weighing every pro and con of the offers. Vi was off to the side, standing by the window with her arms crossed, staring out at nothing in particular.

“Morning,” you said, your voice quieter than intended.

Vi glanced over her shoulder and gave a quick nod, her expression unreadable. Jinx shot you a grin. “Hey! Ready to sell your soul today?” she joked, though the edge in her voice betrayed her own nervousness.

“Hardly,” you muttered, setting your coffee down on the table near Ekko. “Where’s Archie?”

“Conference room,” Ekko replied without looking up. “He said he’ll call us in once everything’s set up.”

You nodded and took a seat, trying to ignore the knots twisting in your stomach. The wait felt eternal, though it was probably only ten minutes before Archie emerged, clipboard in hand, and waved you all into the room.

Once inside, you saw a stack of neatly organized folders waiting on the table. Archie gestured for everyone to sit before he took his place at the head of the table.

“All right,” he began, his tone businesslike but not without a hint of excitement. “Here’s the deal: I’ve gone through all the offers we’ve received, narrowed them down to the ones I think are the best fit, and flagged a few for us to discuss in more detail. But before we dive in, I need to know what you all want out of this. What’s most important to you?”

You hesitated for a moment, glancing around the table. Jinx looked eager to dive into the discussion, Ekko was calm and composed, and Vi... well, Vi just looked tired.

Finally, you cleared your throat and spoke up. “Creative freedom. That’s the biggest thing for me. I don’t want us to lose what makes us us just to fit into someone else’s expectations. But...” You hesitated, forcing yourself to meet Archie’s gaze. “I also know we might have to give up some things to make this work. I just don’t want us to lose everything.”

Archie nodded thoughtfully, jotting something down on his clipboard. “That’s fair. Anyone else?”

Ekko chimed in, echoing your concerns but adding a focus on long-term stability. Jinx mentioned wanting a label that could help expand their reach while still letting them experiment with their sound. Vi stayed quiet for most of the discussion, only speaking up when Archie pressed her.

“I just don’t want us to get screwed over,” she said bluntly. “I’ve heard enough horror stories to know how this can go wrong.”

Archie nodded again, his expression serious. “Trust me, I’ve kept that in mind. The deals on the table aren’t perfect, but none of them will put you in a position where you’re signing away your lives.”

As the discussion continued, you found yourself feeling more at ease. The anxiety didn’t disappear entirely, but hearing everyone’s thoughts—and knowing Archie was in your corner—made the weight on your chest a little lighter.

By the end of the meeting, you had all mostly settled on one label, a decision that somehow balanced what each of you wanted without compromising too much. The label promised creative freedom, a reasonable timeline for releases, and a hands-off approach when it came to shaping your sound—a rarity in the industry. Archie, ever the organized manager, said he would arrange a meeting with the label’s director for the four of you to finalize details and ask any lingering questions. It wasn’t a done deal yet, but the choice had been made, and the path forward was clear.

There was an unspoken relief in the room. Everyone seemed lighter, as though a massive weight had been lifted. Jinx practically buzzed with energy, tapping her fingers against the edge of the table in a rhythm only she could hear. “I can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” she said with a grin. “Like, for real. This is happening.”

Ekko chuckled softly, leaning back in his chair. “Yeah, it feels good to finally have a plan. No more guessing.”

Even Vi, who had stayed quiet through most of the meeting, seemed to exhale some of her tension. She leaned back against her chair, crossing her arms but with a faint, almost imperceptible smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. It wasn’t much, but you knew her well enough to see that she was cautiously optimistic—excited, even.

As the meeting wrapped up, Archie clapped his hands together. “All right, then. I’ll get that meeting on the books and send you all the details once it’s confirmed. In the meantime, take the rest of the day to relax. You’ve earned it.”

Everyone shuffled out of the room, their energy buzzing in different ways. Jinx skipped ahead, talking a mile a minute about merch ideas she suddenly had. Ekko followed, his phone already out as he muttered something about updating their social media.

You hung back, walking alongside Vi as the two of you headed toward the exit.

“You seem... different,” you said, glancing over at her.

She raised an eyebrow, though her expression softened. “Different how?”

“Like... I don’t know. Lighter? You were so quiet during the meeting, but you don’t seem upset or anything.”

Vi shrugged, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “Guess I just needed to wrap my head around everything. It’s a lot, you know? But this label... it feels right. I think we can actually make this work.”

Her words surprised you, but in a good way. Vi wasn’t one to express herself easily, so hearing even a hint of optimism from her felt like a victory.

“I think so too,” you said, matching her stride.

As you reached the parking lot, you parted ways, each heading to your own car. The sky was bright, the air crisp, and for the first time in a while, it felt like the future wasn’t something to fear.

──────────────────────

masterlist - chapter six

notes: im in love with vi i wanna smooch her 😭

taglist: @saturnhas82moons @baylegend6 @oidloid @vaebear @wicked-laugh

[meazalykov]

please (don't) go

salma paralluelo x reader

summary: friends to lovers, and lovers to strangers

warnings: angst

the first time salma held your hand, her thumb grazed over your knuckles like she was afraid you’d pull away. 

you didn’t. 

instead, you interlocked your fingers tighter, smiled up at her, looking at her brown colored eyes which sparkled with love. your heart raced inside of your chest in a way you hadn’t known was possible.

that moment inside of the barcelona locker room was the beginning of something beautiful, something you hadn’t expected to happen but somehow couldn’t imagine living without.  

a few months go by and that spark did not dim. 

if anything, it burns brighter. salma has a way of making you feel seen, like the rest of the world fades into the background when she looks at you. on the pitch, she’s this force of nature…speed, power, and precision. 

off the pitch, she’s your salma. she’s soft, affectionate, and always knows how to bring a smile to your face, even on the hardest days when you feel like you have no energy to do what you needed to do.  

winning the champions league together for the first time back in 2021 was something out of a dream. 

the night before the final, you barely slept. obviously, you and salma were not going to be starters since you both were callups from la masia.

however, it was huge being on the lineup. you tossed and turned in your bed and salma noticed, of course she did. she always notices.  

“you okay?” she whispered, her voice barely audible over the sound of the hotel air conditioning.  

“yeah,” you lied, staring up at the ceiling.  

she didn’t buy it. salma rolled over, propping herself up on one elbow as she looked down at you. 

“you’re not. talk to me.”  

salma says in spanish.

you sighed, turning your head to meet her gaze. her brown eyes were warm and filled with concern, and it made your chest ache in the best way. 

“i just... i don’t want us to lose tomorrow. it’s such a big game, salma. what if…”  

“stop,” she interrupted gently, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. 

“if we get any playing time.. most likely it will be you since we need another right back.. you’re going to be amazing.” 

her words settled over you like a blanket, calming the storm in your mind. 

“are you saying this because you think i am a good player, or because i am your girlfriend?” 

you teased. 

“shut up!”

salma laughed. 

“no.. seriously?”

you smirked. 

“its both, okay!”

salma and you laughed. 

you reached up to cup her cheek, pulling her down for a soft kiss. 

“i love you,” you murmured against her lips.  

“i love you more,” she replied, her smile so radiant it made your heart skip a beat.  

the final was everything you hoped it would be..and more. 

the crowd, the adrenaline coursing through your veins as you sat on the bench for 87 minutes before being subbed on, the way your clearance in the 90 + 2 minute sent the stadium into a frenzy. 

you dropped to your knees at the final whistle, overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of it all. la masia became your home a few years ago, when they brought you over from your childhood club. an amazing right-back you were, it was going to be time before the senior team needed your 18 year old self.  

salma found you seconds later after the whistle, pulling you into a tight hug as tears streamed down both your faces. 

“we did it,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.  

“we did it,” you echoed, holding her like she was your lifeline.  

your first champions league title.

the celebrations that night were unforgettable. you and salma danced in the locker room, champagne soaking through your jerseys as the team sang and laughed. at one point, salma grabbed your hand, spinning you around like you were in some dumb cheesy rom-com, and you couldn’t stop laughing.  

a few days afterwards.. the trip to ibiza was the perfect way to unwind after the season. just you, salma, and the sun-soaked beaches. the two of you rented a small villa with a private pool, thanks to the bonus of winning the champions league.

all you and your girlfriend did was spend your days lounging in the sun and your nights exploring the island’s vibrant nightlife. you're young, of course you guys wanted to have fun without one of the older barcelona girls watching the both of you.

one evening, well the evening before the start of the next season.. you both sat together on the barcelona beach, her arm draped over your shoulders.  

“i do not want this to end, as much as i love football,” you said softly, leaning your head on salma’s shoulder. 

“it doesn’t have to,” she replied, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

two years go by, and its the world cup in australia. it was your first, and the excitement of representing your country on the biggest stage was unparalleled.

you were one of the few barcelona girls that did not play for spain. so, you had to be seprated from salma throughout this whole thing. that was okay though, you understand the concept of space and so did she. 

however, salma’s world cup journey would last way longer than yours. after holding two of your teammates on each side.. you look ahead at the scoreboard on the stadium screen.. the clock hit full time, and the score was still level. 

your legs felt like they were made of lead, your lungs burning with every breath. this knockout game had drained every ounce of energy from you, but there was no time to dwell on the fatigue. 

penalties. 

it was all going to come down to penalties.  

as the team gathered in a huddle, your coach spoke quickly, assigning the penalty takers. you weren’t first, but you were on the list. 

you could feel your heart pounding in your chest as you nodded, trying to steady your breathing.  

“we’ve got this,” your captain said, her voice steady despite the tension radiating from the group. 

“trust yourselves.”  

strangely.. you weren’t thinking about your girlfriend throughout all of this. it just was not the time.. but salma’s voice echoed in your head: 

you’re an incredible player. trust yourself.

that is something she used to tell you before barcelona games. 

however, it was hard to believe it now, standing on this stage with so much at stake.  

sweden took the first penalty, and your goalkeeper dove the wrong way. 

1–0.  

your teammate stepped up next, slotting the ball into the bottom corner. 

1–1.  

the tension was unbearable, every kick feeling like a dagger to your chest. you watched, helpless, as sweden scored their second, then their third. 

when it was your turn, the weight of the moment hit you like a freight train.  

walking up to the spot, the noise of the crowd felt distant, like it was coming from underwater. the ball sat there, mocking you, as the swedish goalkeeper stared you down. 

you tried to block out the sound, the pressure, everything, focusing only on the ball.  

the twenty year old penalty taker… you…took a deep breath, ran up, and struck it.  

the sound of the ball hitting the post was deafening.  

you froze, staring in disbelief as it bounced away. your heart sank, and your legs nearly gave out as you walked back to the center circle, your head hung low. your teammates patted your back, whispering words of encouragement, but none of it stuck. 

all you could think about was that missed opportunity, that moment where you let everyone down.  

sweden scored again, and now it was all riding on the final kick. your goalkeeper needed a save to keep your team in it.  

she guessed right, diving to her left, but the ball was just out of reach.  

the whistle blew, and it was over.  

you stood frozen as the swedish players erupted in celebration, their cheers drowning out everything else. the way that the wave of yellow stormed the pitch seemed to be mocking. 

your teammates collapsed around you, some crying, some staring blankly ahead. 

someone grabbed your arm, emily you think…trying to pull you into a hug, but you couldn’t move.  

your chest felt hollow, your vision blurred with tears you refused to let fall in front of the crowd. you were not going to let the opposition get the joy of seeing you in tears. 

you had given everything, left it all out on the pitch, and it still wasn’t enough. the sting of failure was unfamiliar, and no amount of words or gestures from your teammates could dull it.  

you sank to the ground, your knees digging into the grass as you buried your face in your hands. the weight of it all…the missed penalty, the heartbreak, the dreams that ended with that final whistle…crashed down on you like a tidal wave.  

the swedish players walked past, some offering gestures of comfort, even fridolina. 

the barcelona player, your club teammate, stayed with you as you sat on the grass. you zoned out as she told you how amazing you still were, and to please not be discouraged by this moment. 

it didn’t matter. nothing mattered in that moment.  

you felt a hand on your shoulder and looked up to see your captain crouching beside you. 

“y/n,” she said softly, her voice thick with emotion. 

“it’s not your fault. you hear me? it’s not your fault.”  

it felt like it was. no matter how much she said otherwise, no matter how much your teammates tried to console you, the guilt was suffocating. you had trained your whole life for this, dreamed of this moment, and now it was gone.  

when the team finally made its way back to the locker room, you sat in silence, staring at the floor as your teammates cried and tried to comfort each other. someone handed you a water bottle, but you barely noticed. 

the noise around you felt distant, like you were trapped in a bubble of your own despair.  

your phone buzzed in your bag, but you didn’t have the energy to check it. you already knew who it was. 

salma. 

she was probably watching the game from her hotel room with the rest of your barcelona teammates like alexia and aitana. 

the thought of her seeing you like this, knowing how much you were hurting, made the tears finally fall.  

you wiped them away quickly, not wanting anyone to see.

that night, you checked your phone. you had to. 

of course you were not going to doom scroll at the thousands of tweets that rae probably bullying you.you just wanted to see salma’s name lighting up the screen. 

it did, and  you answered immediately, her voice soothing as it filled the silence.  

“hey, amor,” she said, her tone gentle. 

“i am so sorry..”  

salma frowned. 

“its whatever,”

you sigh. 

“its not ‘whatever’, i know exactly how you are..” 

salma says. 

“huh?” 

your eyebrows flared. 

“you’re going to come back to barcelona and think about that penalty for months. you cannot self-destruct over that. you still did great throughout that match, trust me when i say that you were the best defender on that pitch.” 

salma explains. 

“still wasn’t enough.. it did not pay off.” 

you mumble, laying in your hotel room bed, staring at your packed luggage. 

“it didn’t now, but it will later, amor.” 

“i don’t think the future is important right now, salma,” you admitted, your voice thick with emotion. 

“i feel like i let everyone down.”  

“stop that,” she said firmly, but not unkindly. 

“you didn’t let anyone down. you gave everything you had. that’s all anyone can ask for.”  

you didn’t respond, your throat tightening as tears threatened to spill.  

“i wish i was there with you,” she continued. 

“to hold you and tell you how proud i am of you in person. since i can’t be, you need to know this: you’re an incredible player and an even more incredible person. and i love you, no matter what.”  

her words broke the dam, tears streaming down your face as you whispered, “i love you too.”  

salma stayed on the phone with you for hours that night, talking about anything and everything to distract you from the pain. however, you made her go to sleep at some point since she still had the world cup to win.. even if it was not you. 

when spain went on to win the world cup, you were in the stands, cheering louder than anyone else. seeing salma lift the young player of the tournament trophy was a moment you’ll never forget, her smile so bright it could have lit up the entire stadium.  

a year later, at the start of the 24/25 season.. you were heartbroken. 

it started after the champions league final against lyon. it was supposed to be another high point for you and your girlfriend.. another moment to celebrate together like back in 2023 and 2021. 

somewhere in the aftermath of victory, you felt her slipping away. 

the texts became shorter, the kisses less frequent, the way she used to look at you, like you were the center of her world, was gone. you tried to convince yourself it was just the stress of the season, and the upcoming olympics.. that maybe she was dealing with something she didn’t want to share yet. 

however, the distance grew, and with every passing day, you felt more like a stranger in her life.

especially when you won the olympics with your country and salma did not win anything. she sent you a simple, “congrats.” but with no excitement or happiness added. you were happy for her when she won the world cup, why can’t she be happy for you here? 

in your apartment. she was sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone, barely acknowledging you as you stood in the kitchen, watching her. 

you had spent the entire day trying to think of what to say, how to bring it up without making it worse. as the silence stretched on, the knot in your chest tightened until you couldn’t take it anymore.

“salma,” you said, your voice quiet but firm.  

she looked up, her brows furrowing slightly. 

“yeah?”  

“we need to talk.”  

salma’s expression shifted, guarded now. 

“about what?”  

you took a deep breath, walking over to sit across from her. 

“about us. about how... distant you’ve been. i don’t know what’s going on with you, but it feels like you’re not here anymore. not really.”  

she sighed, putting her phone down and leaning back against the couch. 

“i’ve just been busy, y/n. especially with the injury.. it’s nothing personal.”  

“it feels personal,” you said, your voice breaking despite your best efforts to stay calm. 

“you barely talk to me anymore. you don’t hold my hand, you don’t kiss me, you don’t even look at me the same way. i feel like i’m losing you, and i don’t even know why.”  

“you’re not losing me,” she said quickly, but the words felt hollow.  

“then why does it feel like you don’t love me anymore?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.  

the spanish woman’s silence was deafening. she looked away, her jaw tightening, and in that moment, you knew.  

“salma,” you said, your throat tightening as tears pricked at your eyes. 

“do you still love me?”  

she hesitated. that hesitation was worse than any words she could’ve said. when she finally spoke, her voice was soft, almost apologetic. 

“i don’t know.”  

the air left your lungs, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe. 

“you don’t know?”  

“i’m sorry,” she said, her voice cracking. 

“i didn’t want it to get to this point, but i’ve been feeling... off. something’s missing and i don’t know how to fix it.”  

you stared at her, the woman you thought was your forever, and felt your heart shatter. “i love you,” you said, hoping that it would be enough to bring her back to you.  

she didn’t say it back.  

salma’s silence was the final blow, and you felt tears streaming down your face as you stood up. 

“i think you should go,” you said, your voice trembling.  

“y/n—”  

“please,” you said, wrapping your arms around yourself like you were trying to hold yourself together. 

“just go.”  

she left without another word, and as the door closed behind her, you collapsed onto the couch, sobbing into your hands.  

doing anything with the barcelona team became unbearable after that. seeing her every day, pretending like everything was fine when it wasn’t, was a constant reminder of what you had lost. 

salma was always there…laughing with your teammates, scoring goals in practice, living her life as if nothing had happened. 

meanwhile, you were barely holding it together.  

every time you heard someone mention her name, your stomach twisted. when esmee casually mentioned seeing her on a date, it felt like a punch to the gut. you plastered on a fake smile, nodding along like it didn’t matter, but inside, you were breaking.  

your performance on the pitch started to suffer. you couldn’t focus, your touches were off, your passes lacked precision. it wasn’t long before people started to notice. 

your coach pulled you aside after practice one day, his tone gentle but firm.  

“y/n, is everything okay?” he asked.  

you nodded quickly, avoiding her gaze. 

“yeah, i’m fine.”  

“you don’t look fine,” he said, his eyes narrowing. 

“you’re not playing like yourself, and i’m worried about you.”  

“i’m just tired,” you lied.  

he didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push it. 

“if you need to talk, my door’s always open.”  

later that night, your agent called. 

they had noticed too, and after a long conversation, they suggested you needed a change.  

“as long as you’re in barcelona, you’re not going to be able to move on from your ex,” they said. 

“you need a fresh start, somewhere you can focus on yourself and your career without all this... baggage.”  

you were stunned. leaving barcelona had never crossed your mind, but the more they talked, the more it made sense. 

every day here was a reminder of salma, of what you had lost. maybe getting away was the only way to heal.  

when the winter transfer window opened, an offer from bayern munich came in. it was a good offer, one you couldn’t ignore. sydney, one of your friends outside of the barcelona team, played there and has for years. the thought of having a familiar face in a new city was comforting. 

after a lot of thought…and even more tears…you made the decision.  

telling your teammates about your leave was one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. after practice one day, you gathered everyone in the locker room, even salma.. your hands shaking as you tried to find the right words.  

“i, uh...” you cleared your throat, looking around at the faces of your teammates, your friends. 

“i just wanted to let you all know that i’m not staying with barcelona after the winter break.”  

the room went silent.  

“what?” alexia asked, her brow furrowing.  

“i got an offer from bayern munich,” you explained, your voice trembling. 

“and i’ve decided to take it. it’s been an amazing five years here, but... i think it’s time for a change.”  

your teammates were shocked, but one by one, they came up to hug you, telling you how much they would miss you. you felt tears pricking at your eyes as you said goodbye to each of them, the reality of your decision hitting you all over again.  

salma stood off to the side, her arms crossed as she watched the scene unfold. the woman’s expression was unreadable, but you could see the sadness in her eyes. 

when it was finally her turn, she stepped forward hesitantly, her voice barely above a whisper.  

“you’re leaving?” she asked, her voice cracking.  

you nodded, avoiding her gaze. 

“yeah.”  

“why?”  

you hesitated, unsure of what to say. 

“i need a fresh start,” you said finally.  

salma’s face fell, and for a moment, she looked like she wanted to say something more. 

she didn’t. 

instead, she just nodded, stepping back as keira came up to hug you.  

the day you left for munich, you stood in the airport with your bags by your side, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill. 

sydney had already called, promising to pick you up with georgia when you landed, but it didn’t make leaving any easier.  

as you boarded the plane, you couldn’t help but think about salma. about the way she used to make you laugh, the way she held you after games, the way she looked at you like you were the only person in the world.  

that was all in the past now.  

back in barcelona, salma sat alone in her apartment, staring at the empty space where your things used to be. 

it hit her all at once…the weight of what she had lost. you.

she thought back to the fight, to the distance she had put between you, to the moment she hesitated when you told her you loved her.  

for the first time, she wondered if she had made a mistake.  

masterlist

[eggcompany]

Divorced Zaundads AU

Except they get back together after years of being apart.

Silco grew his business, renting a big empty apartment that didn’t smell like their old apartment above the bar. He mostly just sat on his little balcony and smoked cigarettes. He spent all his time alone, doing yoga in his living room and eating salad. Food didnt taste good when he made it. Nothing felt good if he was doing it by himself.

Vander raised little Violet and baby Powder. He tried his best but he felt kinda… empty. He was stressed and did his best working the bar and taking the kids to school and trying to keep the apartment clean. He sometimes still grabbed four plates for dinner.

Everything falls into place one day, after three years. Silco’s in a bad place. He’d been drinking and yelling at employees and just spending every minute out of the office sitting in the dark of his apartment. Vander was burnt out, going through the motions. He just wanted to sleep all the time.

Silco decided he’d go to the place him and Vander used to go to. The bridge. He threw on his coat, wearing his slippers and wrinkled silk pajamas, and went out to smoke a cigar and over look the river.

Vander decided he needed to go on a walk, get some fresh air. Benzo had agreed to babysit AKA sleep in the recliner in the apartment living room just in case one of the girls woke up. He ended up at the river, the bridge, the one where he asked Silco to spend their lives together.

Silco didn’t notice him until Vander was leaning against the guardrail next to him. He could’ve cried. He was warm and the smell of him was so bone deep familiar. Silco didn’t mean to let the sob out.

“I missed you. I miss you so fucking much it’s killing me.” Silco said as Vander pulled him into a hug, so close, so tight. Vander held onto him like he’d never let go, nosing at his dark hair.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just- I need you.” Vander said and Silco nodded, hands twisting in Vander’s jacket.

Silco was being pushed away, his hands coming up to wipe away his tears before Vander was leaning down to press a kiss onto his lips. Neither of them knew who started it but soon they were making their way to the closest motel.

It was a blur of familiar hands, clothes hitting the floor, whispered ‘I love you’s, and what they both needed. The intimacy of being with someone who knows every inch, every good spot, everything.

Vander kissed across the scar on Silco’s face, the mark he’d caused, even as Silco cried, the feeling of being full, for the first time in so long, he could feel Vander’s heartbeat, his sorrow.

“I wanna go home.” Silco said as they laid together in the motel bed, cuddled close, satisfied and happy.

“I what you home. It’s where you belong.” Vander said and pulled Silco impossibly closer.

When the morning rolled around Silco put his pajamas back on and his coat, a giddy, teenage kinda laughter filled them as they put their clothes on and left the motel. It was a flower bloomed again for the first time in the spring.

The girls were happy when their papa came back. Powder clinging to his pant leg, violet was a little more withheld. Silco understood. The scars and his eye, she was afraid of him. It was okay.

Soon he let his lease end and their apartment, the one that they were always supposed to have, was bright and back to the way it was supposed to be.

[eliza-and-her-monsters]

the tortured poets department

Info Post

Moodboards

Part I

Prev Part < - > Next Part

Contains/TW: damn okay… where do i begin because this is a WRECK. on a serious note though this chapter contains graphic depictions of self harm and suicide attempts so please please PLEASE be careful whenever you read this. i tried to keep it as vague and non-gory as possible to make it more accessible but it may still be triggering for some people so read at your own risk! this happens in a flashback specifically and is clearly marked with spaces and labeled with the month it took place (april) so you can skip past this part if you’d like! this also isn’t meant to be disrespectful or to romanticize these topics in any way! all things in which i am writing from personal experience as well. if you or someone you know is struggling please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. you are loved 🖤 (also serious stuff aside- definitely a lot suggestive at the end teehee we’re getting there.)

WC: 5.1k

part VI

this is me trying

The ice rink almost felt eerie so empty at night, especially had it not been for the motion sensored lights flicking on every time we entered a new room. Vi didn’t hesitate to hop the counter the moment we made it to the rental booth, already missing the feeling of her arm around my shoulders as I anxiously rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet. “So, what’s your size?”

“That’s a very bold question to ask a lady, sir.” I teased, attempting to put myself at ease as I leaned against the counter. “Six… and don’t make fun of me either.”

“Damn, okay, I’ll see if we have any kid’s sizes.” She laughed immediately causing me to raise both of my middle fingers with a glare.

“I said not to make fun of me.”

“I gotta give you a little bit of shit, who would I be if I didn’t?” She said with a wink that made my heart flip in my chest as she hopped back over the counter. “Here… with extra ankle support… for your sensitive-”

“These could be a pretty sick weapon, don’t you think?” I let an almost maniacal grin stretch on my face as I lifted one of the skates from her hands.

“Wow, first date and you’re already threatening me? That’s hot. Where have you been all my life?” Vi snickered as I felt one of her hands sliding around my back as she pulled me into her side. Her subtle displays of dominance and exertion of control. I wasn’t the one in charge here. She would make me think I was occasionally, but it was never true.

“Geez, how the hell do you guys walk on these things?” I questioned the moment I had laced up the rental skates once we made it into the rink.

“Well… 10 years playing hockey certainly does help.” She chuckled a bit before holding her hands out for me to take. “C’mon, I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”

“You better not.” I tried to tease, though my legs still tightened and shook the moment I rose up onto the tough blades. I encircled my hand around her bicep, cursing the moment she pulled me onto the ice. It nearly caused my arm to fly around her back until it was gripping her shoulder, nails sinking into the leather of her jacket. “Vi-”

“Hey, I said I’ve got you. Just breathe.” She looked amused, yet her smile remained soft all the same. Her hands drifted from my elbows to cautiously slide around my waist, a small shiver spreading over me the moment she pulled me in, the top of my head just barely grazing underneath my chin. “Just act like we’re ballroom dancing or something… I’ll hold you up.”

I let her pull me deeper onto the ice, my hands curling around her shoulders while I seemed to feel every muscle in her toned back while I kept my face tucked into her chest. “Were you this freaked the first time you went ice skating or-”

“No, it’s not like Ellie would’ve let me fall either.” I scoffed though instantly regretting the choice of words as I momentarily cringed. You have to stop talking about Ellie while you’re on a date, Amelia. “I just mean I was, you know, a-a little bit cocky the first time we went skating. Reckless, I guess you could say.”

“Wow, you actually taking a risk? I’m kind of surprised.” She lightly teased, just in time to reach for my hand to send me twirling like we really were at a ballroom dance.

“Vi!” I exclaimed, wobbling a bit on the blades before stumbling back into her arms.

“You didn’t fall.” She said with a cheeky smile, almost drawing a tiny laugh from my own lips before I let my shaking hands curl around her shoulders again. “So, what were you saying? You were reckless? Let me guess actually… you didn’t want any help so you wouldn’t let her hold you up. Because that I can believe.”

“Maybe you’re at least a little bit right.” My cheeks flushed before I briefly let my eyes roll. “I don’t know, I guess I just spent so much of my life needing to be held up I just- I wanted to be able to do at least something on my own. Even if it was just ice skating. But I got ahead of myself, I was tense and couldn’t balance to save my life so- I fell. Curled my ankle while I did it and I didn’t end up trying it again. I’d occasionally catch Ellie on the ice though because she stayed at our place before the school year started after we both got out of the hospital so… s-sorry I’m probably over explaining things.” I apologized with even deeper heated cheeks.

Vi’s gentle smile never departed as she simply shook her head. “Don’t apologize… I think it’s cute. I wanna learn more about you anyways so- tell me everything.” Her arms seemed to pull me in closer if that was even possible, muscular but soft at the same time. My chin brushing against her chest as I peered upwards at her. “It’s not like Caitlyn’ll tell me anything anyways so-”

“You’re asking my sister for information about me? Are you sure you’re not a creep?” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh I’m definitely a creep.” She spoke shamelessly causing me to let out another giggle before resting my head against her toned chest, our bodies absentmindedly trailing around the rink in whatever direction she wanted to pull us. She could’ve pulled me straight into the ground if she wanted to… and I would’ve let her.

“I don’t know, there’s not a lot of positive stuff to talk about, I guess.” My cheeks heated hidden in her jacket as if in mild shame.

“You know, I did say I wanted to see all of the dark parts too.” She muttered, just in time to feel her hand threading through my hair as she held my head to her chest. “I’m not afraid, Mills, of any of it.”

I let out a soft sigh as I let my eyes flutter shut for a moment, I didn’t even know if there was a method to whatever direction we were going in. A pattern of some sort. All I knew was how easily her touch was managing to loosen me up, hands slipping low to slip around my hips though she still held me so close… and so innocently at the same time too. “Caitlyn… she- she means well. She’s just- I-I’ve put her through a lot.” I spoke after a moment of hesitation, catching my bottom lip in between my teeth.

“She made it her goal to learn everything she could about autism and adhd and whatever other diagnoses I had run into. For a second I almost thought she was gonna major in psychology instead.” I added with a weak smile, gluing my eyes to the ice below. “In doing all of that though I guess she started to think that everything else was a threat… and maybe she wasn’t entirely wrong, I-I don’t know. It certainly seemed that way after a while so… over the course of winter and spring things escalated. I-I was in a really bad place. I was drowning in rejection letters and my parents don’t really do rejection so there was that. More or less I felt like I was just, a ticking time bomb. Caitlyn took the brunt of all of my bullshit though, like she usually did or- does. And then in April I tried to- to-” the words halted in my throat, shaking, too scared to actually continue on for fear of what someone like Vi would actually think. How could you say something like that anyways? Something so drastic and so permanent without even a second thought.

“It’s okay… you don’t have to say it if it’s too difficult.” Vi only whispered as she let a gentle hand slip around the side of my face. Another thing that just felt like she was holding me to her, and possibly the only thing that made it possible for me to stand on my two feet.

“Looking back on it now… I know I didn’t want to die. I just didn’t feel like this planet was meant for me so it would be better if I just… didn’t stay.”

~

April

“Millie! Millie, it’s me- please please answer the door!” I swore it was one of the first times I had ever heard Caitlyn cry as she slammed against the locked bathroom door causing me to flinch as I drew myself towards the opposite wall. She had gotten there in a flash, but not fast enough to completely prevent any damage.

“Caitlyn don’t- don’t come in here- I don’t want you to see this.” I whimpered as I held a hand to my mouth. Deep down I was terrified. Horrified as I starred down at the mistake that I couldn’t undo. Selfishly, I wanted her here. I wanted her in here to hold me until it all went away. If she was she would try to stop me though, up until the bitter end she’d fight for my life even if I didn’t want it anymore.

“Fuck that.” I heard her curse from the other side through a sob as she slammed her shoulder against the door once more. “You’re not leaving, you aren’t fucking leaving me!”

“Y-You’re better off… you’ll realize it eventually, I promise!” It was getting harder to argue, to even keep my eyes open as I slumped against the bathroom cabinets. “Caitlyn please…”

I was in no condition to fight her off, to get her to push back. The door even started to buckle as she sent another strong kick towards it causing me to flinch once more. I should’ve known with all of her training if anyone could’ve gotten the door to break it would’ve been her. “You’re not leaving me, you’re not- fuck that.”

The door splintered at the last kick, my resolve starting to fade as the world was beginning to sound like it was underwater. Fuck, I really didn’t want to die. I really wanted to stay… selfishly and hopelessly. I wanted to get published. I wanted to meet new people. I wanted to have new experiences I was always too afraid to beforehand. Fuck, I wanted to live. I wanted to live so selfishly.

“I’m scared.” I choked the words out, trying not to look at the mess. The disaster that I had created. The embarrassment. The shame. Fuck, what have I done? What did I do? Could I even take any of it back once it was all said and done? Or was this all there was?

The door busted open with a loud crack as she tore inside, my eyelids briefly fluttering open as the first thing she went for was the first aid kit buried underneath the sink. “I know, I know, lovey… but we called the ambulance and they’re on their way you just- y-you just have to hold on a little longer for me, okay?”

“I’m sorry.” I choked out through a sob as she took my shaking body into her arms once she pulled out the first aid kit, nearly taking the entire sink out with her. “Please don’t leave, please… Caity, I’m scared.”

“I’m right here. I’m right here, darling. I’m not going anywhere. This might hurt, just take some deep breaths, okay?” She was the only thing propping me up, the back of my head lolling against her chest while she pressed the gauze to the wound. It didn’t even hurt as much as I thought it would… I just felt tired. All I wanted was to sleep.

My parents were angry in the aftermath, so Caitlyn took on the concerned parent role. The first person I saw whenever I opened my eyes in the hospital next as she brushed the excess hair out of my face. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, like she hadn’t stopped crying for a long while. And I committed that face to memory. My sister was the strongest person I knew, and yet I had managed to break her.

~

“Now since this is a long term care facility, we do come fully equipped with a courtyard, several hiking trails as well since we do believe sunshine and activity to be the best medicine.” The nurse drawled on as she lead the two of us through the long hallways. I clutched a cardboard box to my chest with all of my approved ‘personal belongings’ besides clothes and so on. Mainly just stacks of various books and diaries and such that I hoped they wouldn’t go as far to read through.

The bed closest to the door was already occupied, the green eyes of the girl widening before she sat up and quickly shoved the comic she was in the middle of underneath her pillow. “Oh, and this is Ellie! She’s one of our newer patients as well… she’s been hoping for a roommate actually.”

“Yeah, it gets pretty lonely in here without one.” She said with a tiny smile before pushing herself up to her feet and extending an eager hand to shake before awkwardly flushing at my occupied arms. “Ummm… I-I can help you carry your stuff in if you’d like!”

“I’ve got it, but thanks.” I spoke softly before shuffling over towards what I assumed was my side of the room.

Caitlyn thankfully responded quickly with an enthusiastic handshake of her own before Ellie could retract her own. “Hi! I’m Caitlyn, Amelia’s sister. It’s nice to meet you. I’ll probably be visiting a lot so you might see a lot of me too.”

“That’s great actually, we uhhh, we don’t always get a ton of visitors here.” Ellie added as she nervously wrapped her arms around herself before she noticed Caitlyn’s general confused expression and her eyes went wide once more, “Woah, Ellie, that was some serious projection there. Sorry about that… umm, I-I’ll give you guys some privacy to settle in and- yeah. I-It was good to meet you, Caitlyn.”

“Take care of yourself, Ellie.” Caitlyn added, watching her nervous figure slip from the room. “Well, she seems nice. I think you guys’ll get along.”

“Maybe.” I whispered, eyes still glued to the floor as if I was waiting for it to swallow me up. And I wouldn’t have minded if it did.

“Listen, I know this is gonna be new and- probably difficult but… I really do think this might be the best place for you right now. A long reset before college isn’t a bad idea and you might even meet some new friends also starting at Oxford too. I- I really think this could help you. I do.” She slipped her hands into mine, almost seeming like she was trying to convince herself more than anything.

“I hate it though… not being around you. I mean, I know that it was my own fault and I traumatized you and-” The tears were finally starting to come now that we were alone. Big fat shame-filled ones that she quickly caught before shaking her head and pulling me in.

“Hey, hey… this isn’t a punishment, okay? You’re not being punished. I promise, this is just some extra help and- an added precaution to keep you safe.” A shuddering sob spilled from my lips the moment I buried my face into her chest, keeping it hidden tucked away in her shirt for fear the second they saw me it only solidified the fact that I belonged here. “I know, I know it’s scary, love. Just hold on just a little bit longer for me, okay? You might even write the next greatest tragedy while you’re in here.”

I let out a weak tearful chuckle against her arm before shrugging, “Maybe, it’d definitely be fitting.” I sniffled, letting the tears soak into the fabric of her shirt. But she didn’t dare let go of me. “Caity, I- I really am sorry, for what happened. I- I really wanted to keep you from ever seeing it get that bad.”

Her quiet shush only felt like it was bringing out another wave of sobs. Meanwhile she just simply continued to rub soothing circles on my back and rock us back and forth on her feet just like she would whenever I was having meltdowns whenever we were kids. “Listen, I’m your big sister, okay? It’s my job to protect you. Not the other way around.”

“I thought we were supposed to protect each other.” I spoke, every last sob made me hate myself more and more by the second though. Every sob solidifying just how incapable I truthfully was.

“You can’t do that if you aren’t here.” Caitlyn sighed, finally prying the two of us apart before taking my face in her hands. “Can you?”

It was the first thing anyone had said about the situation that had made sense. For a while I was certain she was the only reason I hung on until I finally got close to Ellie. Even though it was sometimes hard to see where the improvement lie in the aftermath. And as much as Caitlyn would never say it, I knew it relieved a lot of weight off of her shoulders… me being in that hospital over the summer.

“I’ll be back Wednesday with all of the summer gossip, I promise. Also if you finish any of those books let me know and I can bring you more.” Caitlyn reassured me for the millionth time as she let me trail behind her towards the exit, a soft hand holding mine the whole time while I clutched onto her arm for dear life.

“Do you think you could bring me something like, dark academia maybe? That way I can get prepared for Oxford?” I wondered, gnawing on my bottom lip as each step seemed to make my heart ache more and more by the moment.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Caitlyn said with a tiny chuckle before placing a soft kiss to my forehead. “Call me the second you can tomorrow, okay? So I can hear about your first day?”

“Sure, promise.” I answered with a little nod of my own. It was almost embarrassing, being so reminiscent of a parent dropping their kid off at school for the first time. Caitlyn had taken on almost every role that my parents should have throughout the past few years. Yet another thing that only made me feel guilty.

“Okay, I love you, pipsqueak. More than anything.”

“I love you too, Caity.”

I tried not to hug her again before she left, an action that I could tell stung but in reality I just wasn’t sure if I would be able to pry myself off of her again. My face was red and blotchy by the time I made it back towards the room, eyes bloodshot, glassy, and tears that showed no plans of stopping just yet.

Ellie was already back on her bed once I made it back, knees hugged to her chest with a look on her face that I could only describe as puppy dog eyes. “Hey- are… are you okay?” She stammered, swiveling towards me as she dropped her legs to swing off the side of the bed before letting a soft sigh with a shake of her head. “Never mind, don’t answer that- I- I know you aren’t okay.”

“I’ll be fine.” My voice sounded hoarse from all of the crying as I took a seat on the edge of my own bed. Surprisingly not feeling like a lump of concrete as I wrapped my arms around myself, preemptively curling myself into a ball as if to prepare myself for where I’d probably spend the first week.

“For what it’s worth, which I know isn’t much because we just met but still…” Ellie began with a clear of her throat as she seemed to anxiously wring her hands in her lap. “If you ever wanna talk or- or anything really… I’m here.”

At the time I had no intentions of accepting her offer, nevertheless though I let myself nod before closing my eyes. “Thanks.”

~

Figures it would’ve been a nightmare that brought us together, I just never expected the codependency to kick in as quickly as it did.

I was still sleeping a lot during the day, not sure if it was a symptom of the depression, the infinite amounts of pills I was on or what. Every day we met with therapists, social workers, doctors, case workers, you name it. Not to mention there was also the group therapy sessions that weren’t mandatory. None of which I had managed to go to which probably wasn’t helping my case any. Ellie had seemed to be here long enough to make a decent amount of friends though. She was anxious, but infinitely more social. So if I needed to be social to spend more time with her I would.

So that afternoon I tried to rouse myself from my bed and shuffled towards one of the large community rooms they usually held group art therapy in. Every inch of me felt like it was shaking as I stepped into the filled room right in the middle of the several different conversations it felt like. Way too many eyes swept over towards my probably supremely tense figure than I was comfortable with. Ellie’s stuck out the most though, sat at a long table with a bunch of other rowdy girls where she was bent over a sketchbook.

“Millie! Hey! You finally came!” She exclaimed with a bright smile on her face as she quickly darted upwards to pull over an extra chair. “We were actually just working on our DnD characters because we all wanted to start a campaign this summer. You should join actually!” She added enthusiastically causing a girl with cropped ginger hair to wrinkle her nose.

“I thought you said we were full.” She sneered in a scottish accent already causing an anxious lump to form in my throat.

“Yeah, just like your file of public disturbances, Maddie.” Ellie shot back immediately causing a few of the girls to erupt in laughter as Maddie’s face went red with embarrassment.

“Jesus Ellie, just because it’s true doesn’t mean you need to say it.” A girl with shoulder length hair spoke up across from Ellie, and if it wasn’t for Ellie’s typical little half bun on the back of her head they could’ve almost been twins.

“Oh no, Max, I think she definitely needed to say it.” Another girl with also short but strikingly blue hair snickered from next to Max as she sat forward as if tuning into a dramatic tv show.

“Have you even played DnD before?” Maddie added, eyes scanning me up and down in a way that had me bristling.

“Uhhh no but-” I was interrupted by her scoff, already picking at the walls of my fragile emotional state.

“Oh get fucked, Nolan, it’s not like she’s playing DM.” Ellie rolled her eyes before I felt the weight of a protective arm slipping around my shoulders.

“Steph, you’re DM… you decide.” Blue directed towards a bored looking girl sat at the end of the table, a red beanie shoved onto her head and the outline of a hummingbird tattoo inked onto the side of her chest.

“I mean, one extra player is hardly going to derail my storyline so… I say the more the merrier.” She spoke with a shrug causing a weak smile to stretch onto my lips.

“Good, glad to hear it.” Ellie spoke before shooting what seemed to be a cocky smile towards Maddie’s rolling eyes.

~

Present

I seemed to disassociate in the process of telling the story. At some point Vi caught onto my shivering though and didn’t hesitate to pull me off of the ice. The two of us now sat in the empty yet fancy lounge for the hockey team complete with plush blue couches and the famous coffee bar Ellie had raved about earlier. I had apologized profusely, constantly wondering if I should stop, if I was going in too deep, Vi only encouraged me though. Even slipping a steaming cup of hot chocolate into my cold hands and draping her leather jacket over my shoulders. More of a gentleman than some men.

“Do you still keep in contact with any of those girls? Besides Ellie, obviously.” I heard her ask from behind me where she lounged against the back of the plush chair, calloused fingers tucked underneath the jacket as she ran her hands up and down my spine.

“Yeah actually… or I, I try to at least. Ellie’s more social than I am but a lot of the patients at that hospital are students. Or about to be either one. We even talked about starting a DnD club ourselves since nobody else has bothered to. And it’d probably be overrun by incels.” I chuckled a bit to myself before lifting the cup of hot chocolate to take a sip just as a small chill rushed through me. “You should join whenever we do.”

“I don’t know if it’s really my thing but Jinx and Ekko might be into it. You should ask her. Actually… definitely ask her if Maddie’s involved because I’d pay real money to see them duke it out.” Vi snickered with the soft smile remaining on her lips as she sat forward, “C’mere, let me warm you up.” I almost flinched again whenever I felt her big arms slipping around me from behind, a little gasp lodging in my throat as I placed a shivering hand over top of her forearm causing her eyes to soften a bit. “You okay? Sorry… I-I should’ve asked first, it’s a habit.”

“No, it’s- it’s okay… I’m trying to get more used to it- with you.” I said with a little nod as I tried to sink back into her warm embrace. Slowly letting the muscles in my body loosen one at a time as I let the back of my head rest against her chest, lolling against her thick bicep. She was surprisingly soft, every inch of the cold feeling like it was melting right off of me. From behind me I felt her chest rising and falling with each soft breath, enough to pull me to sleep right then and there almost.

“Baby?” I heard her whisper from above me, gulping another lump down my throat as I felt her calloused fingers brushing underneath my chin and along the curve of my jaw. I tensed again for a moment, my hand wrapping around her forearm with my nails nearly sinking into her flesh in mild anxiety. Let her. Just let her touch you. It’s okay. Let her. “Shhh, I’m not gonna hurt you.” She spoke, probably feeling the shuddering breath I let out against where her arm stayed wrapped around my front. “Can I kiss you?” She whispered, a little flush spreading on my cheeks at the way she still asked.

My eyes widened almost eagerly as I nodded, body consumed with heat just as I felt her lips brushing against mine. Soft at first, arms almost feeling like they were consuming me entirely as they tightened around my body. My hand shook as I lifted it to rest against her head, tangling through her surprisingly soft hair as if I was pressing her further into me. I almost whined whenever her lips disconnected from mine, instead only drifting over to trail along my jaw as if in a pattern.

With every kiss my breathing grew more and more shallow, a small gasp catching on my lips as I felt her lips wrapping around the pulse point of my neck. I almost wanted to slap a hand over my mouth in embarrassment at the way a moan prodded at my lips, fingers curling into her hair as that same ache flared up in between my legs. “Vi-“ Her name seemed to fall from my lips with a whimper as her teeth lightly prodded at my skin.

“Does that feel good?” She whispered, and I seemed to feel my head shifting to give her more access as I nervously and probably awkwardly nodded. Another soft moan spilled from my lips the moment I felt the pinch of her canines against my neck.

Her hand curled into the excess fabric of my sweater, tugging at it as if she wanted to pull it right off. Slipping underneath, her callouses drug along my stomach, my sides, towards my hips, brushing over the bones like she wanted to trace them all the way down. “Vi… please.” The words came out through the airy moans as she continued to let her hand explore my body and her lips decorate my neck in repeated kisses. My head arching against her chest in need, almost leaving me tugging at her hair.

“You know I can’t fuck you in here, right, baby?” She whispered into my neck, giving my hip a subtle squeeze that also left me gasping.

“Then take me to where you can fuck me.” I almost didn’t recognize myself with the words that came out of my mouth as I shifted around to face her. Her hands still staying firmly on my waist meanwhile she only seemed to have a smug expression on her face as she settled back against the arm rest of the couch.

“You want me that bad, princess?” She spoke with a quirked up brow, a delicate finger tracing along the curve of my waist. My hands curled around her shoulders in frustration, certain she could almost feel my thighs tightening around her waist. I was probably a whiny mess as I nodded, the warmth of her hand nearly covering the width of my back.

“Please… Violet.” I knew saying her full name would tug at her. It was usually aggressive whenever other people said it, angry, a sign she had fucked up or pissed somebody off. Whenever I said it though it was needy, a plea almost. I slid my hand from her shoulder to press against her chest, almost like I was trying to grab at her heart. Sink my fingers through her ribs until I could feel it beating in my hands, and I swear I almost felt it quickening the moment I did.

“Fuck it.” I heard her whisper underneath her breath just before I could feel her pressing her forehead to mine. “Wanna go back to my place?”

A/N: okay SORRY SORRY i had to edge you guys 😭 i promise this next chapter we WILL be cranking it up a notch and there might even be some smau vibes as well so… stay tuned please?? </3

i’m so sorry for the emotional rollercoaster and if this isn’t the best as well because i definitely think it’s far from my best work but c’est la vie can’t win them all 😭 love u anyway lesbians!! 🖤

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[thefrontmanscockwarmer]

Hi!! Wondering if you can do when thanos is fucking shy reader and then reader starts crying during the FUCKING, after that make thanos cum on readers face and he just goes to his own bed like nothing happened BTW LOVE YOUR STORY'S + HCS!!🤗 *IM SORRY IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND KMS*

Crybaby

Thanos x reader [SMUT]

Masterlist

You stood in the noisy room, looking for team members. You were turned around talking to someone else trying to convince them to let you join but, they didn’t want you. Said you looked too weak and they didn’t know what game they were going to play.

“Hey, excuse me?” A voice came from behind you accompanied with a tap on your shoulder. You turned and saw a purple hair guy. “Join my team”, he said confidently. You were too shy to ask questions. Already having to step out of your comfort zone to talk to other people. You nodded,

“Yes.” He eyed you a cocky grin plastered on his face. You guys all sat together. You, Purple haired guy, a longer black haired guy, another quiet guy, and a girl with piercings. You stayed with the purple haired guy.

“So, shy one, what’s your name?” He turned to you, practically jumping around in his skin.

“Uhh, my name is (y/n)(l/n)” you say quietly, turning red from embarrassment for no reason.

“My name is Thanos, welcome to the Thanos world” he made a gesture. You gave a simple half smile and turned to watch as the games began.

“Guys, what are we each good at?” The girl spoke. “We have to plan.” She said with resolve.you sat quietly, hoping you’d just get put to do a game, and not have to speak, but all eyes settled on you,

“I was always really good at Gong-Gi” you voice quietly. They nodded with consideration, planning how the rest of the games would go.

Your teams turn was up. Long haired boy went first, Ddajki. Quit guy went second, flying stone. Your turn, you focused and went as fast as you could at Gong Gi, not messing up or missing a single beat; the purple haired guy shaking you with excitement. Pierced girl went next, spinning top, and finally, Thanos. Scoring a fantastic 5 in a row a Jequi.

You were uncuffed, and let back into the common room. Sitting with your new group as they spoke loudly. You sat farther away, leaning against the beds, watching other players filter in. They all went around saying their names. Min- Su, Nam Guy, Thanos, and Se Mi.

As the rest of the players came in, you were passed food. You sat back were you were too shy to even look at anyone.

Time skip:

You laid quietly in bed by Thanos. He unashamedly, pulled his cock out. Beginning to stroke himself. He noticed your eyes watching him.

“Psst, hey.” He whispered to you. You blushed a red shade of red, thankfully, not visible.

“H-h-hey” you whispered back.

“”Since you’re staring want to help?” He asked. You stayed silence, to afraid to say anything. You slowly nodded, he got up and walked to your bed. “Pull your pants down”

“O-o-okay” you obeyed, pulling your sweats down far enough so he could get inside of you. “O-oh god, that feels good.” You half moan. Your embarrassment at your compromised position racking your brain. Thanos thrusted inside of you. Pushing and pulling out quickly.

“Oh, you like this? Huh?” He teased. You nodded. “God, you should see yourself” you couldn’t tell if he was making fun of you or complimenting you. Either way, it made him laugh. Your eyes prickling with tears, you couldn’t believe it. You were about to cry. No, scratch that, you were crying. Crying as you were getting dicked down by a guy you just men.

You moaned quietly as you cried, your sniffles reaching his ears through his low grunts.

“Are you crying?” He asked, seeing the shiny tears roll down your face. “Oh god, I’m going to cum, that’s making me cum” he pulls out quickly. Jerking himself off onto your face, his body convulsing slightly with each stroke as he did. “Ah, well thanks for letting me borrow you” he said, and retreated back to him bed. Almost as if he hadn’t just fucked you. You felt ashamed, determined to find a new team tomorrow as you cried yourself to sleep.

Tag list:

@nakiio5775 @christinamadsen @sebbymybaby21 @xcinnamonmalfoyx

[alittlegiraffe]

Title: Close Enough

Part 2

You couldn’t stop replaying the words in your head.

“She’s kinda clingy, huh?”

You hadn’t meant to overhear the conversation. You’d only walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water while Marshall and one of his friends talked in the living room. You’d heard the comment just as you stepped out of sight.

“Yeah, I guess,” Marshall had replied, his tone nonchalant. “She just likes being around me a lot.”

That was it. Nothing overly critical or cruel, but your stomach still twisted.

Clingy.

Was that how he saw you? How his friends saw you?

You’d always thought your closeness was a good thing—how often you laughed together, how comfortable you felt draping yourself over him on the couch, and how he never seemed to mind when you followed him to the studio just to sit in the corner and read while he worked.

But now, you weren’t so sure.

Maybe you’d been suffocating him, and he was just too nice to say it outright.

The thought made your chest ache, and you resolved to give him some space. Maybe if you backed off a little, he’d appreciate you more.

---

At first, Marshall didn’t notice the subtle shift in your behavior. You still smiled when he walked into the room, still kissed him goodnight, still asked about his day.

But you didn’t linger anymore.

You stopped curling up next to him on the couch, choosing the armchair instead. You didn’t tag along to the studio, and you started making plans with friends instead of spending every free moment with him.

It was subtle, but for Marshall, it was noticeable.

By the end of the week, he was frustrated. He missed the way you’d wrap your arms around him while he played video games or sneak up behind him to kiss his cheek. He missed how you’d light up when he invited you to the studio or how you’d lay your head on his shoulder during movie nights.

And now? Now it felt like you were pulling away.

He wasn’t having it.

---

“Babe,” Marshall called from the couch as you passed through the living room. “Come sit with me.”

“I’m good here,” you said, settling into the chair across the room.

He frowned, setting down his phone. “You’ve been good *there* all week. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you replied, forcing a smile. “I just figured you’d want some space.”

“Space?” he repeated, his brow furrowing. “Why would I want space?”

You hesitated, your stomach twisting as you debated whether to bring up what you’d overheard. Finally, you sighed. “I heard what your friend said the other day… about me being clingy.”

His expression shifted, confusion giving way to realization. “You heard that?”

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “And I figured he was right. I’ve been all over you, and I didn’t want to smother you, so… I backed off.”

Marshall stared at you for a moment before shaking his head and standing up. He crossed the room in a few quick strides, crouching down in front of your chair so he was eye level with you.

“Baby,” he said softly, his hands resting on your knees. “I don’t care what anyone says. I love the way you are with me.”

“But you said I was clingy—”

“No,” he cut in, his tone firm. “I didn’t. I said you like being around me, and I love that. I love how close we are, how you’re not afraid to show me you care. It’s one of my favorite things about you.”

Your heart clenched at his words, and you looked down, feeling both relieved and foolish. “I just didn’t want to annoy you.”

He gently tipped your chin up, forcing you to meet his eyes. “You could never annoy me. If I thought you were too much, you’d know. But you’re not. You’re perfect, and I don’t want you to change.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, and you managed a small smile. “You really mean that?”

“Every word,” he said, leaning in to kiss your forehead. “Now, get your ass over to the couch where you belong.”

You laughed, finally feeling the weight lift off your chest.

When you curled up next to him on the couch, his arm draped over your shoulders, it felt like coming home.

And as he pressed a kiss to your temple, he whispered, “Never stop being you, okay?”

“Okay,” you murmured, snuggling closer.

You didn’t need to ask if he meant it. You already knew.

[luvashli]

Synopsis -> you are pulled into a mysterious mansion where seven men are bound by a dark pact. As you navigates their secrets, desires, and emotional turmoil, you must decide whether to break free or embrace your dangerous connection with them all, uncovering love and sacrifice along the way.

19 -> The Aftermath

The altar stood silent, bathed in the pale light of the full moon. The air was still, eerily so, as if the world itself was holding its breath. The boys were frozen in place, unable to move, unable to think. Blood still stained the cold stone where you had collapsed, your body limp and lifeless.

Jungwon was the first to break. He dropped to his knees beside you, his hands trembling as he reached for you. “No,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “No, no, no… This wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” His words tumbled out like a broken mantra as his tears fell, mingling with the blood that had already begun to dry on the altar.

Sunghoon stood motionless, his fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white. He stared at your still form, disbelief etched into every line of his face. “She… she wasn’t supposed to…” His voice broke, and he turned away, as though refusing to accept the reality in front of him. “This can’t be real. It can’t end like this.”

Jake’s breathing came in short, uneven gasps as he staggered backward, his hands covering his face. “We told her… we told her this wasn’t the answer!” he shouted, his voice filled with anger and anguish. “Why didn’t we stop her? Why didn’t I stop her?”

Ni-ki, usually so composed, was trembling, his eyes wide with fear and grief. “She said to trust her,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “But I didn’t… I didn’t want it to be this. I didn’t want it to cost her.”

Jay leaned against the altar, his shoulders heaving as he struggled to breathe. His composure was shattered, and his usual strength crumbled under the weight of his grief. “We promised to protect her,” he choked out. “We said we’d keep her safe. And now… now she’s gone because of us.”

Heeseung stood apart from the group, his gaze fixed on the moonlit sky. His lips were pressed into a thin line, but his trembling hands betrayed him. “She believed in us,” he said, his voice low and raw. “She gave everything because she thought we were worth it. But what if we weren’t?”

Sunoo knelt beside Jungwon, his hands hovering over your body as if afraid to touch you. His tears spilled freely, his sobs quiet but unrelenting. “She was everything,” he whispered. “And we let her slip through our fingers. She trusted us to make this right, but how can we, when she’s not here anymore?”

The group descended into chaos, their emotions a storm of guilt, grief, and desperation. They clung to one another as if their shared pain was the only thing keeping them grounded. The curse was gone—they could feel it, sense its absence like a weight lifted from their souls—but the price was too high.

The mansion, once oppressive and heavy with the curse, now felt hollow, empty. Its walls no longer hummed with dark energy, and the oppressive shadows had vanished. But the silence that replaced it was unbearable, a reminder of what they had lost.

Heeseung’s voice broke through the noise, trembling but firm. “We can’t let this be the end,” he said, his eyes red but resolute. “She believed in us. She believed in our love. If we let her sacrifice mean nothing, then… then we’re no better than the curse that bound us.”

“What are we supposed to do?” Sunghoon asked, his voice raw. “She’s gone, Heeseung. We didn’t deserve her, and now we’ve lost her.”

Jungwon lifted his head, his face streaked with tears but his gaze fierce. “She told us to trust in our love for her. That’s what she believed in, even when we doubted ourselves. We have to hold onto that.”

“But she’s not coming back,” Jake said, his voice breaking. “No amount of love is going to change the fact that she’s… she’s gone.”

Jay stepped forward, his expression grim. “What if that’s not true?” he said, his voice steady despite the turmoil in his eyes. “What if… what if she’s waiting for us to prove her right? To show her that our love is strong enough?”

Sunoo wiped at his face, his hands trembling. “You think that’s what she meant? That if we hold on to her, she’ll… she’ll come back?”

None of them had an answer, but they all clung to the fragile hope that Sunoo’s words might be true. They gathered around you, their hands brushing yours, their tears falling onto your still body. One by one, they whispered their apologies, their promises, their love.

“You gave us everything,” Heeseung murmured, his hand resting over yours. “And we’ll keep giving it back to you. We’ll never stop.”

The night dragged on, the moon casting its pale glow over the scene. The boys stayed by your side, refusing to leave, their hearts heavy with grief and their minds clouded with what-ifs.

But as the first rays of dawn broke over the horizon, the mansion seemed to exhale, a soft sigh that stirred the air. The boys felt it—a faint, almost imperceptible warmth in the space where their hands met yours.

They all froze, their breath catching in their throats as they looked at each other, hope flickering in their tear-filled eyes.

“Did you feel that?” Ni-ki whispered, his voice barely audible.

Before anyone could answer, the warmth grew stronger, spreading like sunlight through the darkness. And then, just as suddenly as it began, it faded.

The silence that followed was deafening.

The boys held their breath, their gazes locked on you, waiting—praying—for any sign of life.

But you didn’t move.

And the room fell into despair once more.

The warmth was gone. The hope extinguished.

“She’s not coming back,” Jake whispered, his voice hollow. “We lost her.”

As the sun rose higher, its golden light filled the chamber, chasing away the shadows. The boys stood there, broken, devastated, and clinging to the fragments of hope they had left.

And then…

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[your-ne1ghbor]

Star Boy Steals Asha's Cloak

[undead-potatoes]

Aurora starting out so very cautiously after waking up on that beach, terrified of leaning into her bloodlust and rage in fear of making the urges worse, to tentatively sating some of it through battle as a necessary evil, the urge building and building as she fights to keep it down, until she eventually throws all caution to the wind and lets her rage loose entirely as she knows she will never be free of it, destined to die with her own blood thrumming like a war drum in her head.

Only to have that rage save her, as she all but spits in the face of Bhaal when he offers her a place by his side again, furious he ever made her his puppet. The thing she feared the most, the monster she's been fighting to keep inside of her for months, is let out of its cage, and it's what eventually saves her from herself.

[bi-writes]

ghost doesn't think he hears you correctly, not at first. there's a ringing that's still in his ears from the bullet he nearly ate earlier. (cw: dubcon, 18+)

"wot?"

"can you please please please--pretend to be my boyfriend--just for one minute--!"

"heyyy, sunshine," a nasty little voice sings. you spin around, cowering by the bar, just as someone a little too drunk and a little too big comes into your space. you scoot away from him, but he's coming closer, leaning over you, and ghost tilts his head to the side as he watches the way you flinch at the stink of his breath.

ghost fits into the space at your back quite easily. your back arches a little as his big hand finds the bend of your waist, and you squeak a little when he forces you back, pressing your ass against his pelvis as he tucks you into his shadow.

"who's this fuckin' nitwit?" ghost mutters, clicking his tongue under his mask. you swallow, blinking up at the man, shrugging as you try and press yourself a little closer against his heat.

"i-i dunno," you whisper, and it's shaky, afraid. "h-he won't stop...following me."

"tha' right?" ghost hums, and you're so afraid of the man in front of you that you don't really register the way ghost's big hand is slipping lower, over the curve of your denim jeans and squeezing the fat of your ass that fills the palm of his hand all too nicely. "ya botherin' 'er?"

the man swallows a little, hiccuping. he stands up straighter, a little more sober, and he just shrugs as he takes another swig of his beer.

"just...she's so pretty, ya know--agh!"

ghost reaches over and grips him by the fat of his neck. he squeezes hard, drawing him closer, would be spitting in his face if he wasn't wearing the balaclava over his head.

"'f i see ya around 'er again, i'll paint the fuckin' walls with y'r teeth, mate, yeah? now get outta my fuckin' sight before i do it just for fun."

when ghost lets him go, he struggles to breathe, holding onto the bar and coughing as he scrambles to put distance between you. you shake a little, turning towards the bar, picking up what you assume is his drink and sipping it slowly to try and calm the nerves. you close your eyes gently, shaking your head.

"thank you," you say softly. "i-i couldn't shake him off, he was following me everywhere, i..." you turn your head and meet his eyes, smiling up at him. "that was really nice of you. i'm...sorry if i caused you any trouble."

ghost tilts his head to the side, fitting himself back behind you. he reaches over, putting both arms on either side of you and leaning over one shoulder, breathing hot against your neck.

"wot you mean?" he murmurs, and you blink, not understanding.

"for pretending to..." you laugh a little, looking into his eyes. "just...it was nice of you to do that. to pretend like that, i--"

"dunno wot y'r talkin' about," ghost chuckles, and you seize when he reaches down between you, cupping you between the legs as he palms at your pussy over your jeans. you keen a little, leaning into his touch, nasty brute pressing two fingers against where you're most sensitive and forcing your ass back against him, where he's hard, chubbed up since he first saw you, leaking into his cargos.

"i-i--" your eyes are wide, but you don't pull away, don't push him back--why am i not running? why can't i leave? what's happening to me--

"i wasn't pretending. were you?"

[bunnis-monsters]

NSFW

You met your incubus!husband late one night during a thunderstorm. Usually he wouldn't be out feeding in a time like this, but he was hungry... and once he caught a whiff of your scent, it was all over for him.

He entered through your window, ready to go into your dreams...

That's when he spotted you curled up on your bed, hands over your ears as you tried to stifle your terrified sobs.

His first reaction was... intrigue. Why was this human crying in the middle of the night? Why was she curled up with a stuffed animal, wasn't that a thing only children did when they were afraid?

The incubus felt something strange while observing your trembling form... but he pushed those feelings away. You were too panicked and scared to feed from, so he'd have to find a meal somewhere else...

But he paused when you looked up at him. Not because he was afraid he had been caught, no, he froze because of the look you gave him.

Your lip was trembling, hair messy and cheeks covered in tears. When you looked at him, he almost felt compelled to rush forward and pull you into his arms, to comfort you with soft kisses and gently rocking.

But why did he feel this way? Why was he beginning to walk towards your bed and reach out to place a hand on your hair to soothe your fear?

The way you instantly began to relax, leaning into his touch made him... feel something. Something other than lust.

"Thank you.."

His eyes lit up at the soft gratitude you showed him.

Had anyone ever thanked him before?

Before he could even think, his arms were wrapped around your body, pulling you in closer so he could shield you from the thunder and lightening. The loud sounds and bright flashes of light became blurry and muffled... and you finally found yourself able to sleep peacefully.

His visits became nightly after that. There was something about you that drew him in. He couldn't feed on anyone anymore, his heart wouldn't allow him.

You became friends quickly, though it was obvious to most that he was pining after you terribly. Every waking moment was spent thinking of you and the next night he'd be able to visit...

You noticed he was getting pale one late evening, his eyes a bit dull.

“Are you feeling okay, Lulu?”

His name was Lucian, something you learned after his second visit.

“Ahh… I’m alright. I just… haven’t fed in a while.”

Lucian settled down next to you, his tail gently caressing your thigh. It wasn’t on purpose, his tail was moving on its own due to how hungry he was. To anyone other demon it would be clear how much Lucian wanted to mate with you…

“Fed? You haven’t… um…”

Your cheeks felt warm against his shoulder. He sighed softly, nuzzling against your hair. No other person he had bedded with had a scent like yours. It was intoxicating…

“I haven’t had sex since we met.”

This made you feel kind of… flattered. The way he gently reached for your hand and held it, the soft smile he had when looking at you…

Oh.

“Is it… because of me?”

His cheeks flushed a light pink, and she looked away. “… perhaps.”

His tail swayed before beginning to move up the skirt of your nightgown. He immediately looked embarrassed, trying to pull it away.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… it moves on its own when I’m…”

You shook your head, opening your legs a little to give his tail access.

“Don’t be sorry. You’re hungry, aren’t you? Well…”

You smiled shyly, squeezing his hand back. “I… wouldn’t mind providing you with a meal.”

He was gentle, his tail slipping under your panty line to play with your clit as the two of you shared your first kiss.

Lucian tasted like strawberries and honey, you couldn’t get enough. When he reached a clawed hand to hold onto your soft cheek, you instantly leaned into his touch.

He had never kissed someone like this before. Usually they were quick, heated with tongue and gnashing teeth…

But you slowly licked his bottom lip, and he felt his cock twitch in his pants as he explored your mouth. It was so sensual and tender that he could almost cry.

‘I… think I love her…’

With that revelation, his slit pupils expanded and he pinned you down, his tail rubbing your own slick against your pretty hole before plunging in.

“L-Lucian!”

You whines out in a mix of pleasure and discomfort, getting used to the feeling of his tail fucking in and it of your as his lips moved to your neck. His tail pumped aphrodisiacs into your body, making your head get fuzzy and your pussy throb with need.

It wasn’t long before he couldn’t take it anymore. Your cum was intoxicating, he was starving!

Lucian sank his cock into your, watching as you writhed and bucked your hips, your pussy gushing and clenching around him.

The two of you were a heated mess of needy kisses and cum, both unable to pull away. He had already had his fill, but continued to fuck into your fat cunt, watching as his cum spurted out of you with each thrust.

By the end of the night the two of you were clinging to each other, exhausted but happy. He had never been so worn out in his life… or as satisfied. As Lucian gazed down at your sleepy face, he knew then that you would be his wife soon enough.

He kissed your head and fell asleep too, leaving his life of being an incubus that slept with whoever he could behind.

Lucian would be your devoted husband now, until you died, and even beyond that. A demon’s love could last lifetimes…

———————

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