#and she doesn't flinch. she has never known that kind of fear.

[notlacrosse]

i think the first reaaal fight andreil ever have is over neil's deification of mary where andrew just sees another abusive parent. he's technically capable of seeing the nuance of how desperately she was trying to keep neil alive but andrew is so binary strict with his moral code..

plus im sure as they get older andrew has become pretty sophisticated in his approach to therapy and mental health, and he loves his partner deeply, so it makes sense that he wants to broach with neil that he never deserved the violence mary used to control him in the process of hiding and running, but neil would shut that shit down IMMEDIATEMENT!! that is his MOTHER ur talking about she was a SAINT you wouldn't understand, etc etc. (he says this even as he continues dealing with c-ptsd around traveling and identity and general paranoia disorders well into his 30's.)

now i think andrew has developed significant patience but neil jabbing at his (absentee) mother issues is a bridge too far. im talking about spending more than a few nights in separate places for the first time in over a decade. shockingly to andrew, neil stays with aaron (another betrayal) where andrew stays with kevin. eventually resisting their lil co-dependent orbit becomes painful for both of them despite their incredible stubbornness and they reconcile but it becomes a genuine point of contention that they just Avoid until neil's actually ready.

it would maybe be the first time andrew sees neil cry, is facing the unbearable guilt that confronting mary's abuse would cause him. the ingratitude for his life that he'd see it as. she would be so ashamed. but andrew knows that if she was worth any salt as a person she'd only be relieved that neil has a name and a home and love in his life. it takes time because healing always does, but one day when neil looks in the mirror he doesn't see anyone's eyes but his own.

[hughiecampbelle]

The Boys Preference: Dating After A Toxic Relationship

A/N: Not requested, just an idea I had 😊 Remember, requests are open! Be sure to read my rules and please respect that I'm only interested in writing for these characters. Thank you! Feedback is always appreciated 💜

Butcher is very vocal. He knows you jump and scare easily, so he always makes a point to say where or if he's going to touch you, if he's upset and why (so that you don't worry you're the reason), when he'll be back, etc. This takes a lot of trial and error between the two of you. Butcher is an angry, violent person. You knew this going into the relationship. There's always a worry it could turn on you, and that's what he fears most: that you'd ever be afraid of him. He reassures you constantly he would never, ever hurt you. He knows all about what your ex did. You wanted to be up front and honest, knowing some of your behaviors might seem strange or out of place. The last thing he ever wants to do is emulate your ex and though it takes a lot of rewiring and assessment of his actions, he's trying to be better for you so that he doesn't lose you.

Hughie hates what your ex has done. Bit by bit, you give him the overview of your relationship, what they were like, and how they treated you. Sometimes you jump or flinch and he's reminded all over again that, despite what he does, there will always be this underlying fear and distrust. It took a long time to date him let alone tell him everything. He's patient and gentle and makes sure you're okay with every step you take further into the relationship. He takes every relationship show regardless of past history. When you see your ex again you have to pull Hughie away, not wanting him to start anything. He can't help it. He looks at them and he sees red. He's filled with disgust and hatred. Hughies always been on the timid side, but the thought of someone hurting you like that boils his blood.

Annie never wants you to feel like you have to hide that kind of thing from her. She knows all about power hungry people who take advantage of others. Still, she can't believe it. You're kind and funny and sweet and you always have everyone's best interest at heart. You know what it's like to get hurt, you wouldn't dare hurt someone else. She knows you don't want any trouble with them, you just want to move on, but she can't help but light up when she sees them. Secretly she goes to them and makes it known if they so much as look at you, even think about you, they're done. She's always asking if what you're doing is okay and wants to be as open as possible about boundaries. You're grateful she likes innocent touching, mostly hand holding, and when you're having a hard time you know she'll grab your hand and squeeze it, reminding you she's always here for you.

M.M knows all about your ex. He was the one to help you get out of that relationship in the first place. Since then you've become really close, so close he's now your boyfriend. After your ex shows up at your work one day, Marvin decides to take things into his own hands. The Boys make a special appearance at their apartment where they make it known they are never to go near you ever again. You have a lot of fears about trusting someone again, especially in a relationship, but M.M. is patient. He never wants you to feel like you have to do something you don't want to or aren't ready for. He's more than okay with taking things slow. He actually prefers it that way. He's extremely protective over you and, unfortunately, are his biggest weakness. If Homelander ever found out about you, M.M. would be done for.

Frenchie met your ex a few times before you broke things off. The way they spoke to you, wanted to control you, all the sings were there. He feels awful that he didn't see it sooner, but you could never blame him. You're just glad you got away from them. Frenchie is attentive and devoted and males sure you're comfortable with every step in your relationship. He offers, jokingly though not jokingly, to have your ex killed when they start sending calls and texts and emails. You assure him it's okay, you'll handle it. He knows you're more than capable, but he's always got a back up plan ready just in case they want to try anything more. He's extremely patient when you decide to tell him. He knows there's more to the story than what you're sharing, but he doesn't push it. He's grateful you shared anything at all. It's a big step and means a lot that you'd trust him.

Kimiko is learning to trust just like you are. You've both been through a lot, but you find a great solace in one another. Kimiko isn't sure who this random person is that shows up looking for you, only that the rest of The Boys are suddenly cagey, angry, and very protective. They're grateful you're not there. When she asks about them, you finally tell her. You dated a while ago and it wasn't a safe relationship. You thought you could get away from them, but they seek you out. They like to know they're in control. She feels awful. You're genuine and smart and sweet. Those terrible things that happened to you only made you softer and, unfortunately, more prone to anxiety and distrust. She leaves it up to you to take the next steps in your relationship. You appreciate more than you could ever put into words. You love her, but you need to take things slow.

Bonus! Homelander killed them a long time ago. The moment you showed up in his life, he knew there was someone who'd hurt you. It takes a long time to tell anyone, let alone him. One day the phone calls and texts and emails just stop. They stop showing up at Vought looking for you. You think you've finally scared them off or perhaps they got bored, but it was actually your new boyfriend. Normally he'd like to boast all about how he tortured them, h9w easy it was to kill them, how stupid they looked when he pulled out all their teeth, but he knows you wouldn't like that, so he keeps it to himself. He knows no one will miss them. You certainly don't. You're sleeping better now and getting more comfortable in your relationship without the constant threat of them showing up or following you. Homelander rests easy knowing they can never hurt you again. He lacks a lot of self-awareness in this department.

[untoldstar]

Hello, I really loved your Yan butler OC

What if a princess reader actually became queen of their country and now she has to face an arranged engagement?

male! yandere butler x fem! royalty reader

warning: fem reader obsessive tendencies, yandere themes, murder, death, mentions of blood,

y’all guess who’s back from the dead! please excuse my rusty writing it's been a while</3

"Corsets are generally known to take your breath away but I can't help but think the added pressure is your doing Charles" You let out a breathless chuckle, he pauses, his hands halting in the air until he hesitantly continues tying your corset, relieving some of the pressure "My apologies..I seem to have gotten lost in my thoughts" he murmurs and clears his throat, you stay quiet for a beat as your initial worry grows "You've acting strangely for some time now, Charles. I'm growing worried" your eyebrows knit together as you look at him through the mirror in front of you, his eyes glance up to meet yours before returning them to his task "I suppose I've been slightly worn out, after all our schedule has been hectic as of your..latest decision" his voice deepens towards the end of his sentence "I know that's not the true reason, tell me, what has been bothering you?" you ask, unable to conceal the concern laced in your voice, you were so incredibly kind, even at this moment when he's dropping your title while speaking and avoiding your gaze you only offer him your kindness and that only causes him greater pain because that kindness will be for another man from here on out.

His hands drop to his side "Tell me, your highness" his eyes meet yours in the mirror and you nearly flinch at the sight, his face is entirely devoid of emotions and his eyes are dark sending shivers down your spine "Do you truly believe that this engagement is a wise decision?" he asks in a low voice, his eyes never leaving yours, you furrow your brows "of course I-" your words are caught in your throat as he lowers his head next to your ear, his voice dropping to a whisper "And do you believe it's..safe?" un uneasy feeling pools in your stomach at his question "..Why wouldn't it be safe?" he stays quiet for a few seconds before replying "Oh, no reason for it to not be safe I'm merely..concerned" he steps closer "After all this is a man who we don't know much about except what he chooses to show" you stay quiet "And who doesn't know much about you either..are you certain he's suitable?" your eyes harden, irritation consuming you at his endless questioning "There's no reason to question my decision, I know what is right for me and my kingdom" you train your eyes on his "Are those all your concerns?" he smiles flatly "yes, your highness" "good" you nod, a firm expression set on your face, Charles stays quiet for the rest of the time that he helps you get ready.

Later that evening you share a drink with your soon-to-be husband, Christopher Alpin, a very handsome and powerful king whose alliance with will benefit your kingdom greatly.

You both talk over the details of your wedding as the crowd enjoys itself with dancing, drinking, and mingling. Amongst that crowd is a certain unhappy butler who watches you with burning intensity, paying attention to where your fiancé's eyes drift, where his hand touch, the smiles you're sharing, watching you with him is slowly killing him and the thought that soon this man will be touching you, waking up next to you and spending every moment with you is too much for him to bear, it's completely wrong, that man in your future is out of place so as your loyal butler it's his duty to make everything perfect to you.

Just as the king excuses himself from the ballroom Charles wastes not a single second in following him quietly through the halls.

minutes pass and you grow worried, you decide to search for Christopher fearing he got lost in the castle, you search all the rooms until one room is left, your bedroom, as you near the bedroom you see your door slightly ajar and catch a glimpse of a few droplets of blood. your heart starts racing, you stand still for a few seconds, the fear of what could possibly be in your bedroom grounding you in place. You take a deep breath and move closer to the door, slowly opening it wider, you gasp and a sob breaks out of your throat at the sight, mere inches from you is your fiancé lying in a pool of his own blood with a large slit on his throat "ah your highness!" you flinch at the cheery voice, Charles is sitting on the edge of your bed, a smile plastered on his face, you attention drift to his usually white gloves covered in red, adrenaline and fear picks up in your chest as you turn on you heal to run before Charles is up and holding you back in a few seconds, he shuts the bedroom door and locks it, trapping you against it "I..don't understand why you're running away, I fixed it all can't you see?!" you swallow, your voice barely able to come out as steady as you want it to "Charles..what have you done..what are you talking about?" he presses himself against you "you don't have to marry him anymore, he was filthy! he didn't know anything about you, he didn't deserve you!" you don't reply, you stand stunned as you see Charles ramble with a manic expression "now it's finally just the two of us once again" he wraps his arms around you and burries his head in your neck inhaling deeply "I feel much more at ease now with you in my arms, don't worry I shall take care of everything.."

"won't you let me serve you?"

[kurosstuff]

Azula x reader: baby steps

Summary: even azula is capable of learning such a soft thing. Here's her starting to slowly do it♡

Warning(s): kinda sad but fluff, insecurity, no words spoken except once (is that even a warning idk) hand holding(the horror/j)

It's short and sweet I hope

Getting back to writing for azula before a request! Tell me If I made any mistakes please

Gentle isn't in Azulas dictionary

She is not known for such a thing.

"Showing anything gentle is weak. It won't bring anything to being the Fire Lord so why bother with something so useless" she always sneered

That was always her go to excuse for why she isn't gentle with anything or anyone. Gentle will never help anyone achieve anything- how did her father get to where he is today? By being nice and gentle? Fat chance.

Gentle is usless

Unimportant

But Azula is well aware of how gentle it is good at the same time. She sees it when her mother treats her brother with the love and affection she so desperately needs but will never admit. She sees it everywhere she goes, so why is it so different for her? Azula would love to put the silent blame on her father for yet again ruining what she craved, but she knows - even though he helped with her mindset. Azula herself is to blame for her harsh borderline sadistic treatment of others so one thing is for sure-

She doesn't know how to be gentle.

Doesn't know how to be genuinely kind to anyone. She was taught at a young age to be a fighter - a warrior. Someone to be the future Fire Lord - she never saw a reason to learn how to - even years later, of realizing what she really wanted - needed. She didn't deserve it anyways- but then she met someone who showed that even she deserved to be loved.

You-

You were never afraid to just hold her hand- speak such kind words even ignoring how she complained how cheesy you were. How idiotic it all was.

Why bother to show her such a thing? Why does it make her feel good? Like she's needed. Like you genuinely want her- not the Princess. But Azula herself.

Deep down her biggest fear is something she knows shes not. She isn't her father- she would never hurt you or do anything to make that thought a reality. She has the misfortune of inheriting her fathers temper among other things. The day she realized how much she loves you was also the day she made a pledge- to never get mad at you- which also meant to never burn you. She wasn't her father who burned his son. But she dreads the day her nightmare may become a reality.

Months into the relationship and she never made a move to hold your hand much less hug you- she didn't know how to do it really. Only times she's hugged anyone was when Ty Lee jumped on her to hug her or you did. But never once did Azula herself do it. But she knew at some point she'd need to at least attempt it.

So she will. This is Azula she can do this- can do anything.

-

Sitting beside you in her room - one of the hourly reading moments you do to 'pass the time' or whatever but insist on spending time with Azula still. She just chalked it up to it being something weird only you would do. Playing with the crown in her, she waited for her moment silently. Eyeing your hand while trying to be secretive about it- it failed. You saw how antsy she was getting- how she was staring at your hand the past week like it was gonna grow wings and fly away- or as her brother stated be burnt to a crisp by how intently she stared

You let your hand fall beside you- holding the book in one hand trying not to obvious on how you were watching her. Seeing her hand slowly move the crown down and inch towards your hand- you knew you made the right choice.

Azula's heart pounded- it wasn't anything big or world shattering by any means- but to her- to Azula this was a big step in the direction she wanted. To be able to gently hold you. She just needed to work on baby steps annoyingly.

She flinched as her fingers touched your hand- frozen in a silent thought before slowly covering your hand with hers. Softly covering your hand as if she was afraid to break it- slowly she breathed out in relief.

The two of you sat in her bed- you reading(not) and her siting happily holding your hand. Finally working the courage to do something she's been wanting to do on her own since the beginning of your relationship.

[spinchip]

prompt for a ficlet! zane on a dating app if ur looking for something lighthearted lol. if not how about zane and acting animalistic? like the juxtaposition between something manmade backed into a corner, suddenly primal and afraid

The wires sticking out the side of his head are raw severed copper, clean cut with specialized pliers.  They’d been using those wires to ravage his programming, each cable and cord routed over to a sophisticated set-up specifically built to crack AI firewalls and scour data for information.

Her name was Mrs. Black, and she was the ringleader. A group of hackers that specialized in artificial intelligence, known for their brutality and the fact that every mark they'd hit was non-functional by the end of their time together. Zane was the most recent target on her list, the information in his system fetching a pretty penny with the right clientele- along with her fellow hacker Neal and their bodyguard Raven, they'd managed to arrange a situation where Zane was out on his own and then- well, they knew how to take down a nindroid. It had been child's play.

They had not been expecting the ninja to track them down so soon, and as such- when the remaining five of them had dropped in on them, they'd abandoned ship. Which meant Neal scrambling to pack up any irreplaceable equipment while Raven and Mrs. Black kept the ninja busy. Mrs. Black had ordered it of him, and Neal hadn't hesitated to follow her order, not even pausing to adjust his glasses before he was cutting through active communication links scrambling Zane's mind. There is no telling the kind of damage that could do.

Zane had been comatose the entire time he’d been plugged into the machine, all of his processing power squirreled away into his inner mechanisms in a losing fight. After the last wire is cut and Mrs. Black yanks the main connection cord out, Zane come back to awareness like a drowning man surfacing from the water. his eyes, lidded and glazed, snap open and his pupils blow wide. his wrists are held together with a zip tie that he snaps as he scrambles back, knocking over the chair in the process and flinging himself into a roll across the warehouse floor. Flinching away from them all, the cool and logical expression he always wore is replaced with wild fear. He wasn’t thinking clearly so he didn't pursue the exit, just attempted to put as much space as possible between himself and the other bodies in the room. He tucks himself into a corner Crouched down low, his hands are pressed on the wall to either side of him, and his eyes are struggling to focus on anyone in the room. His eyes are on them, but he’s not seeing them.

Mrs. Black makes her retreat, and the ninja are too caught up in dealing with Zane to pursue the trio any further than the alley beside the warehouse they were hiding in.

Zane's mouth is hanging open as he pants, the rapid rise and fall of his chest out of place on a being that doesn’t need to breath. Ice sporadically bursts under his fingertips. Frost curls up the walls.

The ninja have no idea how to approach this. This isn't Zane- he was cool, calm, practical. They'd never seen him act so... so... wild.

“What's wrong with him?” Lloyd tries to keep his voice even, approaching with the others at a slow and deliberate pace. His hands are held up, palms flat like hes approaching a wild animal.

"He's disoriented," Nya starts, "I doubt this has been a pleasant experience."

Jay takes another cautious step forward, "Chances are, the hacking method they were using caused enough internal damage to trigger a deeper survival program. Probably a primitive version of his current self preservation protocol- one a lot less nuanced." He grimaces, "It's the closest thing to instinct he has, and it looks like they disarmed some of his higher thinking- possibly his memory recall or pattern recognition. he doesn't know its us."

Zane bares his teeth, eyes flickering a bright blue like a poisonous frog as if to drive home the point that he is dangerous and not to be trifled with. His internal systems beep at them in warning.

Cole takes another small step forward, "It's okay, Zane." He says gently.

Kai joins him, "Yeah, it's us. We're your friends."

The ninja are lucky they’ve trained against each other and have experience battling other ninja, because otherwise they would not have been able to dodge.

In less that a heart beat Zane forms tiny and sharp chunks of solid ice, each about the size of a quarter, and flings them across the room with enough force to snap bone. The ninja leap out of the line of fire and in less that a heartbeat, he slams his hands to the floor and freezes it over into a solid sheet of ice. They can’t catch their footing, skidding over ice and falling like dominoes.

Zane moves in an instant, shooting past them and going straight for the door.

He doesn’t make it. Samurai X had finally arrived, and Pixal had just come through the door- it takes her a millisecond to analyze the situation and she reacts fast, immediately throwing herself at Zane and tackling him to the floor. He cries out, writhing like a snake, not above biting and scratching to get her to release him. He freezes one of her arms solid but she doesn't budge, "Zane!" She holds fast, "We are trying to help you!"

Nya slips and slides her way over and finally manually shuts him down.

in the moment before he powers off, he looks so wounded and betrayed it makes Pixal feel ill. He slumps into her arms as the tension releases, and Kai and Nya work on Pixals arm while the other take a moment to look over the collection of computers he'd been hooked into.

"Is it bad?" Nya asks when Jay walks back over.

"I can't tell much from what they left behind, just that it's high quality. Coupled with their reputation... well, it isn't good. We won't know the extent of the damage until we get him home."

Pixal stares at Zane where Cole had taken him from her and laid him flat on the floor. He didn't look peaceful.

"The sooner we take him home the better." She says firmly.

With that, the Ninja head out.

[donutsupremacy]

Undying spite

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Warnings

No comfort

Scara going from 'Ily pls take me bacc' to 'Imma fokin sever your head from your spine' to ':c'

Name calling, he threw every single curse word known to mankind at you

Scara still doesn't know any boundaries

A bit of violent behaviour

Trespassing? Or if you want it to be more drastic: Near death experience, I guess?

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"You've got balls of steel, i'll give you that."

"...Wh-What?" He looked up, eyes staring at you in confusion, before morphing into what looks like fear at your expression.

You wore a smile, but even a child could tell it was nothing but a fake, even your eyes remained absolutely dead and dark as you stared at him. But the more he stared into them, the more he realized you only held one emotion toward him; Spite.

Chills travelled down his spine as you let out a chuckle, sounding slightly strained, almost as if you were holding back from screaming at him. "You want to know a little secret?... Actually, no, how about I ask you this instead: Do you know how long i've waited for you?... To come back to me?"

He took a step back, but hesitantly reached out for you. Back then, when you were near your breaking point, he would reach out gently caress your face, before you would crash into his arms and began sobbing about whatever was troubling you.

But that was then, this was now.

You slapped his hand away without a second thought, not a single drop of remorse left in you as he flinched at your harshness, you weren't even holding back. "I watched the two of you purposely make out in front for nearly 5 whole fucking years! Do you really think I would be dumb enough to take you back when you had the audacity to act like I didn't exist!?"

"Th-That was different! I-I thought she genuinely loved me— like you did..." His voice trembled, but soon looked away with furious expression. "Until I found her with that motherfucker..."

"That sure sounds familiar, doesn't it?" You sneered, reaping pleasure at the way he trembled at your words that stung deep in his heart. "History has repeated itself, didn't it?"

Now, it was your turn to watch him suffer, as he did with you.

"I know... I left you without a legitimate reason, it was a horrible choice, I just felt stressed and scared that you'll leave me because of colleg—" You're not sure which one made you swing your hand across his face with force strong enough to create a sound that echoed throughout the empty neighbourhood. But you knew the emotion that washed over you at every word he sputtered out; Fury.

Your palms stung, but the hatred towards him burning within you nullified the pain. You glared daggers at the male who nearly fell onto the ground, his face bright red with your hand leaving a visible print, nearly cutting his skin.

The male panted heavily, hunched over with his hand hovering over the red area as he slowly looked at you. He had never seen you so furious before, he once knew you as a kind-hearted angel that could quell his emotions with a touch. Now, you were like a vengeful spirit, out to erase him from existence, just as he did to you.

"That's the lamest excuse i've heard from you, and I heard a shit ton of them already." You spat. "Instead of logically asking for my reassurance when you felt insecure, you decide to go around and sleep with random women who you barely knew while pretending like i'm worth jack shit to you? We've been together for almost 3 years! We were even best friends for 8 years before that!"

Your vouce cracked halfway through, your eyes starting to grow watery, and it wasn't from the rain. "What kind of boyfriend are you!?" You screamed, ignoring the potential of alerting your neighbours, not that you could care anyways.

You let out quiet sobs, your fury gradually turning into pain and tears as memories of how he treated you flooded right back into your head for who knows how many times.

"...I used to love you! I wanted to spend my whole life with you! You told me I was your one and only... I told you that my heart was for no one but you... and you decide to just rip it into pieces instead!" Your skin felt less numb as you felt tears travelling down your cheeks, the cold breeze of the rain brushing against the suddenly sensitive flesh.

His hand, though the pain in his cheek still stinging like hell, took your hand into his once again, as gentle as he could compared to before. "...And I was at fault for that, I deserve to rot in hell for what i've done to you."

You stilled, the heat from his palm all too familiar to you. But at the same time, it was such a foreign feeling that you could barely recall those fuzzy memories. "...I doubt I could make up for everything i've put you through, but please... i'll change myself for you, so that we could be together again. And this time, I swear i'll never treat you like before ever again. I love you, [Name]."

You hesitantly look up into his eyes that were shining with hope and love, waiting for you to accept him back into your life once more and to start over, so that the two of you would never part ever again.

"...I'm sorry, Scaramouche. But I can't."

It hurts you more than it hurts him, just seeing all the hope in his eyes immediately replaced with pain and despair. You looked away with guilt, but you couldn't bear the pain of the past everytime you saw him. And you don't think you ever will.

"I think it'd be better if we see other people. It's for our own good." You added, slipping your hands out from his grasps that shook at the loss of your warmth.

"W-Wait! I promise, I won't treat you like shit, honest to the archons! [Name], please!" He begged, but you had already turned your back towards him.

"I'm sorry, Scara. I really am, but I hope you can find someone that makes you happier than I did before." His pleading went under your deaf ears as you walked back into your house, grabbing the doorknob to close the door. That proved to be a huge mistake on your part.

The male immediately intercepted the door by slipping his foot in, a choked gasp leaving your lips as he grabbed the door and forcefully opened it enough for you to see a pair of deranged indigo eyes glaring back at you. "What the fuck do you mean 'see other people'!? Don't you love me anymore!?"

Using your foot, you tried to shove his leg out while trying to close the door with both hands. "Is it because of what happened before? You selfish bitch, do you think the world revolves around you!? I already said sorry, what more do you want!?"

Your knees buckled, your foot starting to feel numb at ever kick. Your vision began to blur as tears began streaming down, sobs leaving your lips. "G-Get out!"

"Fuck you, damn whore! You'll never find a guy like me to date your ugly ass, you ungrateful cunt!" He continued barking as you continued trying to close the door, his insults stung you, a lot. You almost felt like giving up at that moment, your strength was starting to fail you at every word he spat out at you.

It felt like a decade had passed by, his degrading words thrown at you endlessly to the point his voice began growing hoarse and weak at how fast he spoke.

Even his eyes began tearing up, as if he didn't want to do this, but you had left him no other choice as his emotions caught up to him. Just hearing you call him 'Scara' instead of 'Kuni' made his heart ache.

His voice began wavering just as his strength did, allowing you to sucessfully nudge his foot and hand away from the door. With what little energy you had left in you, you shut the door at his face and scrambled to lock the door while using your body to hold the door close.

You flinched and backed away when the door suddenly pushed you foward with a loud 'thud', the screws in the hinges clicking at his harsh pounding, screaming at you to open the door.

"S-Scara, stop! Please!" You begged, digging around in your pocket, only to realize you had left your phone in your room.

"Then let me in!" He spat back, but fatigue began washing over the both of you and the relentless pounding on your door slowly ceased. A soft thud came from the other side, followed by muffled sobs and quiet cries for your name.

You dragged yourself away, but soon fell onto the ground, your whole body numb as though you were on fire. At last, your tears streamed down your face and onto the ground, the wound in your broken heart left you to suffer at the memories.

"...Scara... Kuni, i'm sorry. I still love you..."

'...I still love you too, [Name].'

But you will never hear those words from him ever again.

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A/N: Mmm, i'm never satisfied with my own stories but give me a break idk how relationships work ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Start over?

[formshaper]

"i don't want you here," she declares it to the room, to the silence that drags shadows to the corners of the walls. and she means it. she does. she wants them gone. she wants them to go. she wants to never see them again. she wants peace from whatever sick, universal joke this is. once is a happening, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern and they've shown up again when she needs them to. when she's liquor sloppy and high in all the wrong ways, fingers ready to peel the skin from her bones if it will keep the hurt at bay. "i don't want you here," she repeats, and locks her fingers around theirs even tighter.

nobody had told them it would hurt to love someone. maybe destruction had warned them in his own way, when he'd cautioned Dream against continuing to be Dream. and they'd known that love would hurt from the stories they are made of--but still, nobody had told them.

if you see a blow coming, does it hurt any less?

with frankie, every word she utters is a strike, a slap. a raking of verbal claws down his cheek even as he turns it to her. he is older than the atoms she is made of, but he is also very young: in his naivety, he wants to believe that the story has another ending. that whatever chapter morpheus closed behind xem has another waiting behind it, if frankie will only let them turn the page. what their tale would look like, he doesn't know. it's foolish to believe that it might end any better than the last; even if he were not dream of the endless, she would still be frankie. volatile and selfish and unable to commit herself fully to anyone… just like he had been, when he was morpheus, though his inability to commit had been of another kind entirely.

she would burn him, he thinks. and, because he is young, he thinks also: wouldn't love be worth it? and feels shame for it.

frankie, slumped against their shoulder in all her drunken hurt, squeezes their hand tight and hits them again with naught but her voice. i don't want you here. dream does not flinch. when they bow their head to look down at her, white curls frame their face, the stars in their eyes dim and flickering. distant memories pass over them when they look at her, but they can never quite see them as clearly as they'd like.

no matter. the memories are not his.

"you forget that you dream in your waking life, too," he says quietly, "your fears, your fantasies... i know them all. i would not have come had you not called."

(morpheus would not have come even if she had begged him directly. he would have let her slip without remorse into unyielding slumber, perhaps never to wake. penance for breaking his heart.)

"i think you do want me here... and i think you wish that you did not."

[james5-doe]

Chapter 28

I've posted Chapter 28 here, in case it doesn't appear on Fanfiction.net.

"I Know"

Earth B

"Duffy got a reading from Dimension P. She felt great distress in the Gordons there." Mandrake quivered, taking a breath. He hoped that nobody was terribly hurt — especially since it was all his fault.

"Dimension P..." Amy stated. "Isn't that the place where you banished Mom?"

He'd dreaded this discussion for most of the day, knowing how his daughter was going to react. "I thought I had managed to remove her power." He stroked his brow. "Now it appears I was wrong about that."

She glanced to the side, clearly distraught. "What is she doing?" she asked with a scowl.

"She's trying to conquer Earth P, it seems." He felt a deep shame. "I should have known to handle things differently."

"By that you mean that you should've killed her."

He flinched a little. What triggered that? "No," he muttered, clearing his throat. "I meant that I shouldn't have left her there." He paused to study the lovely girl, a child on the cusp of womanhood. Most people found her adorable, and there was no question of that right now. She wore a tank top over thin black pants, her hair bundled into a small half-up. She was the picture of cuteness and beauty — but there was something grimmer lurking deep within.

He had been searching for the cause of that. Most signs pointed to childhood. Amy was brought up without Cathleen. It seemed this salvation was also a vice. Her mother's absence was good for her, but it had created resentment too, an anger that Amy still fought to control.

Was she still resenting her father as well?

"I have to make it into Dimension P," Mandrake declared. "The portal will open in around two hours."

"That's kind of convenient," she said with suspicion.

"It actually isn't. Not at all. I'm afraid I know Cathleen quite well. She's hoping that I'll learn about what she's done, so she can try luring me there for revenge."

--------

Two Hours Later

Just as he was heading toward a small spacecraft, Amy caught up and grabbed ahold of his arm.

"Remember your rule," she said with a grin. "Never take off before a drink of tea."

He chuckled a little, still feeling unhinged, then downed the small cup that she'd offered him.

Amy stared — quietly.

A few seconds later, he started to quiver. "What was in that?" he asked as he shook. The cup hit the floor. He did too.

"I can't let you go and confront that woman, not with the grudge that she has against you." Amy started moving toward the jet herself. "I'll do this."

He reached for her, too far away. Everything around him began to grow dark.

------

Earth P

Amy made her landing in a shady canyon. The area was fully devoid of life.

She felt her lips parting as she looked about. It was hard to fathom what had just occurred. She had made the journey to an alternate world, in a whole different reality.

There was little time to be stunned, however. She could sense now that she wasn't alone.

She opened the cockpit, and stepped outside.

"I noticed your presence several minutes ago."

Amy turned around toward the sound of the voice.

Her mother was there, covered in gold, her outfit not unlike Damian Dark's. "If Mandrake had come, I'd drag this out. With you, dear child, I'll make it quick. Then I'll rear you as you should have been reared." She launched a gold beam straight out of her hand.

Feeling no level of fear at all, Amy raised a palm, halting the shot, blocking it telekinetically. She whisked the projectile behind her back.

Gritting her teeth, Cathleen unleashed an assault with both hands.

Amy responded with each hand too, using twin shields to stop the attack.

The energy burrowed continuously, threatening to break her defenses down.

Amy started shaking. Her heels slid back.

Finally, the assault got through, knocking her down as it struck her waist. The blast sent a jolt all throughout her frame, maybe the hardest she'd ever felt.

Amy twitched a little, struggling to rise. It was clear her mom had increased her strength. She couldn't stand another impact like that.

Cathleen fired, wasting no time, shooting with both of her hands again.

Lifting her palms, Amy summoned all of the might she had, whipping the beams in an upward arch, and hurling them directly behind Cathleen. The shots hit a mountain. Boulders fell.

Cathleen managed to rush aside, dodging the rubble as it struck the ground. She looked surprised as the boulders rose, hanging in the air for a couple of seconds, before they went following after her.

She stared in shock.

The rubble hit, flooring Cathleen as it fell aside.

Amy rushed up, mounting her, pinning her arms to the ground as she spoke. "Look into my eyes," Amy said, summoning a spell as their gazes met. "Look into my eyes, and listen to me."

------

Earth B

Amy brought the jet down in Monitor.

"I was just about to come after you!" Mandrake uttered as he neared the craft. "What happened over there?"

She studied her father, taking a breath, relieved to see that he'd recovered well. It wasn't a particularly powerful drug. "That world is saved, for now anyway," Amy replied upon leaving the plane.

"...What did you do?" He looked unsettled.

"I made my birth mother forget who she is. She'll start a new life, meet new people..." She shook her head. "Maybe she'll even have another kid. Maybe she'll get things right next time."

Mandrake stared, absorbing that. It took a little while for him to find his voice. "Amy," he muttered, "if I had known about you when you were a child...I would've done my very best to get things right."

She held his gaze. "I know," she uttered, pulling him close.

He began wrapping his arms around her.

"I know," she said.

[izzysarchivedblogs]

IT TAKES COMPOSURE TO NOT MOVE AWAY. IT TAKES A BREATH TO NOT FLINCH.

A breath let out as fingers push through his hair, dig against his scalp. It takes him a moment to allow this to happen, to try to settle down and not reject the kindness that he was desperate for; to not fight against the help he asks for. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT IT. It was going to take a lot out of him, the hardest thing he'll have to work at.

Eyes flutter for a moment, trying to silence the rejection, QUELL THE GUT REACTIONS AND CRAVINGS. They shut for a moment as Tony lays out more advice, giving him an honest look into what to expect, into the lessons that he has learnt himself. He knows that Tony was open about this, that part of himself, and Clint remembers how he viewed that; knows how he has thrown it at Tony because CLINT HAD NEVER BEEN HERE.

The place he was today with the choice to face his own history with alcohol, his own present with it, and the future. BLEAK OR NOT; that was for him to decide. Admitting he wants a drink and not doing something about that, can't do something with his leg in a cast but he knows it's a problem. HE'S ALWAYS HAD A THING ABOUT IT. It grounds him here and as Tony talks about taking thing in chunks of time.

HE BREATHES, TRIES NOT TO THINK ABOUT WHICH WOULD APPLY NOW. BY DAY, BY HOUR, BY MINUTE, OR BY SECOND? IT FEELS SHORT. MAKE THE HOUR. MAKE THE MINUTE. MAKE THE SECOND.

All that he has to say, ending his point with YOU CAN ALWAYS TRY AGAIN, and that's the Tony Stark that Clint has always quietly respected. It hasn't ever been stated, but he did respect the man behind the iron suit. While they have their big differences, as Tony talks him through what works for him, what he may come to expect; it clicks why he called Tony. It simply had to be, because he respects him but they were able to challenge each other and there wasn't the fear of having to confront THE MIND FUCK OF WHATEVER STEVE WAS, OF HOW INTIMATELY KNOWN NATASHA WAS, THE HEARTBREAKING LOVE WITH BOBBI, OR THE CONNECTION WITH KATE.

It was respect. It was respect with Tony. HE DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE THAT, but as he talks, he is reminded of what he respects about Tony. Why he likes him, and why there's been something, why they could have had a closeness. Tony's the one who gave him the shot. HERE HE WAS AGAIN.

Clint wants to do something but he doesn't know what to do to reach toward Tony because there's a lot going on in his head, to show some semblance that him being here was RECOGNIZED. Hopefully, the recognition that Clint was not moving away or fighting, but letting him just be there.

His eyes flick to the screen to see what Tony is showing him. HE HAD A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT THAT. A team baby was something that was A LOT. ❝ Yeah, she's cute. ❞ He exhales with a smile, and there's a little ache because any baby is gonna remind him of something he wanted, something was lost.

❝ It's really weird; there's like A LOT. So who all is in the non-parent-parent pool? I'm gonna need details to visualize of whose strapping a baby to their chest. YOU SAID BLADE WAS INVOLVED? ❞

Clint has the visual in his head right away, A SILVER STAKE to a vampire heart than wiping the baby out of his Matrix coat and shade on.

❝ It sounds fucking stupid. ❞ He hasn't been around because the words HOLLOWED CORPSE makes no sense to him. It only another example being presented to Clint that he had not been around, that he had been avoiding people in favor of drinking alone in his apartments.

❝ Corpse, hot springs? What the fuck is going on? ❞ DON'T BITE BACK THAT HE'S BEEN NOT WELL OR REACHABLE.

The last thing he had done with any sort of team was Natasha calling in all her friends. WHICH INCLUDED HIM AND HE SHOWED UP. The hypocrisy ran deep in him, may need surgical removal. NOW, NAT HAD TOLD HIM TO SHOOT HER WITH AN ARROW TO A HIP. That presented its own kind of problem to unpack. Clint's going to become the guy whose known to kill his friend if asked (Bruce), shoot his friends if asked (Nat), and he beat up his friends if they got in the way (Sam, Bucky, Spiderman). SHOOTING US AGENT TOO.

❝ Of course, you'd be thrilled about the no clothes rule. ❞

Tony looks down at Clint and reaches over and plays with his hair, ruffling his fingers through it, and then slowly massaging his scalp. "One of the things that a therapist told me that helps, is to just break things down into sections of time. Today I have to not drink, and I have to take care of Brandy. And I have to help out my friend. I've gotta make sure my business is still running. That's all I have to do. I can do that today. Tomorrow? Who the fuck knows but I can get through today. And if a day is too long, then you break it down into hours. For the next hour, I need to not drink. I need to monitor Brandy. And I need to keep Clint company. And if an hour is too long. You go minutes. For the next minute, I need to not drink and I need to sit here with Clint. That's it. That's all I need to do. And if a minute is too long. Go seconds. This one second, I breathe in and I don't drink. I can't handle that much. Don't worry about the next second until it's happening."

He gave Clint's hair a gently tug. "And if you don't make it. If you get to that second and it's I need to get through this second without taking a drink and you do it anyway. You haven't ruined everything. You messed up a second. The next second is a new one. You can always try again."

He goes back to massaging his scalp and he takes a look at Brandy sleeping using his phone. "I'll stay until Brandy wakes up. And you know what, when she wakes up, I'll bring her down to you. You don't have to be alone. She's cute right? How weird is it that the Avengers are raising a kid? This has to be a terrible idea, doesn't it? Blade won't even pick her up unless he absolutely has to."

He showed the screen to Clint. "She's got a nursery at the HQ. Like a proper one. Oh god, you haven't seen the HQ have you? It's so stupid, Clint. It's so fucking stupid. We're living in a hollowed out corpse. But there's these hot springs in it. There's a no clothes rule. So that's pretty great."

[zushiisamess]

I am so pissed off. I usually post after calming down, but i think this is important. let me explain this to you in a way your biases won't trigger.

I am in a house that isn't mine. I am staying with a host family. A boy who has known them for his whole life came over. I have a problem expressing my wants and needs because I feel like I'm being a bother, even more in a house I don't own!

this boy has been pushing me around for days. Making fun of the things I like, and being an overall jerk.

Now, this isn't exactly a surprise because I'm a girl. I've delt with these kinds of boys dime a dozen! You can't tell them what makes you uncomfortable because they will go and do it.

"Just ignore it" they say while he's stealing my phone

"just ignore it." They say when he threatened to kill me with a brick if I didn't play with him

I know the chances of him doing that should be small. But I am a girl. I can't help but flinch. I gave a reaction.

Tonight I was laying on my bed, I haven't been sleeping well for fear that he will harm my things in my sleep.

I was finally somewhat relaxed. And be threw a hard plastic cube at me. May I say this wasn't flimsy plastic. It was fully hard.

I didn't react, apart from saying "ow"

he threw it at my face. And I almost cried. I told him "That really hurt." He just laughed and told me he had been aiming for my chest.

Would that have been okay?

let me tell you one more thing about this boy.

He's autistic.

Go and read the whole thing again if you need to. You might say oooh or laugh, but you know who else is autistic?

My best friend. She has NEVER chucked hard things at me, threatened me, or insulted my siblings

On the contrary, she is kind. She loves hugs. She loves talking about genshin impact, she has different opinions. But is never disrespectful about them.

Every single time I have complained about this boy to my parents, they have told me

"He's just different."

i am pretty sure I am neurodivergent. I have never done any of these things either.

Heyo, newsflash. being neurodivergent does NOT make you inherently: violent, unsociable, and mean

That is an insult to all ndv people.

Pray tell, why every time I complain about him all adults in the vicinity defend him to no avail, but the one time my friend did something insensitive and I told somebody they said she was in the wrong completely.

We need to start treating neurodivergent people as people.

And we don't. Because we're to scared to say "hey that was mean. Try this?"

just because someone is autistic doesn't mean they can't be a jerk! Ir that them being a jerk is something that can be attributed to the stigma against autistic people!

People can be jerks. And neurodivergent people are also people.

[wh6res]

spectator | jeno

"don't cry, little dove. i'm not even done yet." — ljn

TW mafia au, blood, violence, mentions of prostitution and brothels, mentions of past torture, extreme power imbalance, dumbification, they used a tranquilizer

A/N first half is told in renjun's pov also this is for dino anon hehe thank u for the inspo babes!!

DISC i don't condone anything. this isn't love.

WC 1.4k

renjun was fairly new to the mafia but it didn't take him long to realize the outrageous things they considered are the norms here. one of the first things he noticed is a cute little bunny dressed in scraps that always seemed to tail jeno wherever he went. jeno was his superior, albeit they were the same age, so it sucked that renjun had to use honorifics.

oftentimes he ignores you when jeno stands before him giving orders, or when they pass by each other in the hallways and stop to exchange pleasantries.

as renjun quickly climbed the ranks thanks to his agility and cunning mind, you, unfortunately, remained in the same position—always sitting by jeno's feet like a puppy, a body, a plaything, a whore. there were rumors that the boss gave his executives a chance to pick from the litters before they're shipped off to brothels, kind of like peace offerings in exchange for their compliance.

people said the stoic, muscular young man never really indulged himself in such temporary matters. until probably two years ago, until jeno first laid his eyes on you and decided then and there you were too pretty to become a random whore in the chain of brothels the mafia owned. the petite boy believes maybe it's a disguised blessing on your part, at least you'd only have to deal with one man every night, right?

renjun can only look at you from afar, keeping in mind not to stare too openly nor too intrusively that your owner notices. he's seen the bruises. the purple and black patches of your skin and renjun never gets used to it. his stomach turning at the idea of jeno deliberately marking your skin where the oversized shirt you wear won't be able to cover. the chinese immigrant would be stupid not to notice what that meant—it's jeno's clear sign of dominance, of the severe power imbalance, and not a single man in this building can stop him from doing whatever he wants to you.

renjun managed to piece things together thanks to his naturally observant nature. jeno never punished you for what you did, he punished you because he knows he can't touch his subordinates for something measly such as bumping or staring at his whore. the young mafia executive decides to take it out on you instead, albeit the flawed logic and unfairness of it all—proof that every person in this criminal organization is fucked up in the head.

despite jeno's maltreatment, renjun never heard a single complaint from you nor can he detect a feeling of rebellion out of you. you were so eerily compliant that the chinese can't help but think of what other horrible means jeno did for you to become so broken. renjun tried thinking about it, once, but never again. he can be cruel if he wants to be, but not without purpose. not because he gets a kick out of seeing a face twisted in terror. he wasn't like jeno, who smiled and laghed after blowing someone's brain up in the mafia's torture rooms.

this is why jeno is the only man fit for the job, the reason he became an executive at such a young age—there's no man he can't break for information. renjun doesn't know what jeno does to the poor people in the torture rooms but the piercing screams are enough to decide never to go against his superior.

renjun never thought he'll live the day to hear your screams coming from one of those rooms.

"what?" he does a double-take, eyes wide and unbelieving. "what do you mean she's in there? that's her, right now?"

haechan shrugs, wincing when he hears another scream coming from inside the room. he'll never know why these rooms aren't soundproof, maybe it was a way for jeno to keep his subordinates in line—"hear that? just be grateful that's not you."—you wouldn't want to cross a man who has no moral compass. "yeah. i heard she tried to escape."

renjun doesn't like the cool, amused smirk on haechan's face as he leaned back against the door, looking like everything is okay when it's not. "heard she got like… what, ten feet? give or take—yeah, i think ten feet out the door before jaemin's men tranqed her so much she would have slept for a week."

it was easy for renjun to detach himself, disregard his own set of beliefs and sweep them all under the pretense of "it's just work, nothing personal" but with you, it felt different. he knows you. well, knows of you. it's different, personal even, when he can match a face to those gruesome, ear-shattering screams that wracked through his bones.

he wanted to help you.

renjun wanted to help you.

but no, he didn't want to get shot in the head for insubordination.

jeno manually props you against the wall, cringing at the trail of blood that stains the tiles and pools underneath you. your shirt—rather, jeno's—was soaked through with the crimson liquid, your hair sticking to the side of your head. it feels like you were burning from the inside with every breath you take.

maybe months, years, of compliance made you forgetful. after all, jeno is a man of his word, through and through. he can only threaten you so much until he snaps. maybe he deemed the swift punishments and his harsh words insufficient. but who were you kidding? with the stunt you pulled… fuck, why did you even think of making a run for it? you should've known you won't even make it across the street! stupid. stupid. stupid.

you swore never to make him angry enough to bring you back down here in the torture chambers—this is his domain, and you shivered in fear with every fleeting thought you have about what he does behind those cement walls.

the first time jeno took you down here had been granted by the boss himself (see, the man running the mafia has favorites). jeno's men held you by the arms and made you watch as he killed a poor guy with his bare hands. slowly, excruciatingly, bleeding out because of the wounds jeno inflicted with his fists alone.

the second time was because of your first escape attempt. ah, you had been so energetic back then. always talking back, snarling and cursing him out. after that second time, you've become more compliant and have thoroughly embodied whatever sick fantasy jeno had of you. his broken doll, unseeing, unthinking, who breathes and lives only because he wanted her to.

you've heard him countless times say how much he missed that energetic personality you had. but only because you knew at least then he'd think the cruel punishments are justified.

oftentimes, he'll say it when you two are alone, in his room at headquarters, too disgustingly intimate like lovers and not a whore and her owner. his cold lips leavees a sweet trail on your neck, blood-stained hands soiling your skin underneath the dirty shirt, before finally slotting himself next to you as the cot creaks with the extra weight. he reeked of sweat and metallic and his eyes hazy from that post-bloodlust high.

jeno's boots squelch when he steps closer. never crouching, he wanted you to feel that severe power imbalance between the two of you.

"i won't ask you to apologize. not when i know you don't mean it."

you don't bother to reply. not because you don't want to but because you can't, voice utterly hoarse and scratchy from screaming while jeno breaks and tears you down as if he doesn't whisper the words i love you at night. you're his lover only when he needs you to be. sad, that he rarely felt the need of a lover and more so needed a cunny to fuck.

finally, he crouches. slow and never breaking eye contact. he raises a hand to push a strand of hair away from your face probably. you flinch. he doesn't care. "jeno, please don't touch me." but he touches you anyway.

you feel the callouses in his palms as he caresses your face. the calm before the storm. the deep inhale before the plunge. jeno grabs your chin and tilts your head up, a serene smile ghosting his lips. he looked at peace. satisfied. and you have never been more scared of him than you ever did in the last four years.

"don't cry, little dove. i'm not even done yet."

jenoluck (c) all rights reserved

[pedrosbrat]

Sorrow You Are My Light {Pero Tovar x Max Phillips x F!Reader}

CHAPTER II : Land Of Broken Promises

AU - Vampire Hunters

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: Angst, Sad Memories, BLOOD, VAMPIRE FIGHT, Language, alcohol, yearning, violence (fight) , mention of murder, mention of children death, sword, church massacre, some feelings …

Summary: The three of you will go looking for Max’s creator, making unexpected encounters on your way, also discovering that you don’t hate vampires as much as you think...

Little Comment : Hi everyone, it’s my first series, I hope you will like it (if you see any mistakes let me know and I will correct it) & 1 chapter will be published every week, every Saturday⚔️reblog are appreciated ♥ Enjoy!

Chapter 1 - Series Masterlist

You've always known and understood that your life wasn't the way you wanted it to be, that it's a state of being that's pretty pathetic and that your whole life revolves around your grief. But collaborating with a vampire was never in your plans, and when you woke up this morning you really didn't think you'd end up talking to this Max Philips who seems quite comfortable with the both of you. That's when you knew you were really in a bad way… A vampire comfortable with vampire hunters…

Max for his part is not quite as comfortable as you think, but he doesn't show it still keeping that smug and amused look on his face, not showing that anything is getting to him. He tries to ignore the way you look at him with disgust in your eyes and a deep hatred in pero's eyes. He knows everyone hates vampires, but he thinks you seem to hate them in a rather personal way and wonders what has happened to the both of you to get to this point... Having no prospects, no attachments to anyone... A very lonely life, even spending it as a duo...

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

"We heard there was a massacre not far from here, Father," Max says with a more than innocent and sweet look on his face.

You turn to Pero and roll your eyes, tired of this little comedy he's been putting on for two days now. But Pero doesn't care, he's more worried about the rest of your little adventures, realising that he doesn't know his enemy as well as he thought he did, not understanding how a vampire can enter a church for example. "What do I know, Pero?" you answer him, more and more worried with each moment you spend with him too.

Not that you fear him... Or maybe a little, realizing with every step you take that, places that are supposed to protect you won't, and that every weapon that is supposed to hurt him has no effect on him... He must have a weakness...

So, two days ago, contrary to what you thought, Max had not taken you back to the forest where the massacre took place near your home and took you west, explaining that after attracting so much attention, members of his species never stay in one place. He explained to you that they have a method of travel that is not as random as you might think: When one superior vampire is spotted in the east, the other will head west, because when attention is suddenly focused on one place it can become too dangerous for all members of their species.

You have also discovered that what Max calls vermin, are vampires who were simply bitten and left for dead, that the ritual was not completed, bringing them back to life as mere vegetables that follow any order... Mere flesh to be slaughtered.

You've learned a lot in the last few days... Wondering if he was making it all up... Why was he telling you all their secrets? And how many of them are like him?

"Apparently there's been another massacre in the nearby town and..." "I always thought you called it a buffet." said Pero cutting Max off, flashing a smirk on his face, obviously very proud of his remark "... For there to be a buffet handsome, someone would have to eat." he replied simply as he got back on his horse starting to gallop, overriding the vampire joke, leaving you to follow closely behind him puzzled "He..." You hesitate to ask him too much, not wanting him to think at any point that you're even remotely close to trusting him "You can ask your question, I don't bite..." he said with a smirk, holding back from making his joke. Pero gave him a cold look, letting him know that he didn't find it funny at all, and Pero simply raised his arms in apology, "I was just wondering if... They don't eat them?" you say, disgusted with the image your mind has just created. "Oh no, not with the buffet he made himself less than two days ago..." he says, referring to the massacre in the forest.

He stopped talking for a moment, and you thought you saw a hint of sadness in his eyes for a brief moment, before he began to smile again, noticing that you were watching him "... No, this is all just a game to him, like a simple hunting party" "And don't you play occasionally MAX?" asked Pero as he turned to him, gradually moving deeper into the village "Not like this... But I can show you the other ways I entertain myself if you wish".

Pero frowned and turned his head. For a moment you thought you saw his cheeks turn red. Maybe I imagined... Like that night when we were both around the fire... That night when you told him that his scar didn't bother you, that it gave him a charm, on top of what he already had... But he wouldn't blush in front of this creature... So you put the thought out of your mind and just answer him as calmly as you can. Imagining for a few seconds the two men doing things that you could not name out loud, feeling a certain heat growing in your sex... God, what's happening to me? Pull yourself together!

"It's going to be dark soon, we'll go and inspect the place tomorrow" you say starting to head towards the nearest stable "No, we're going tonight" says Max as he pulls on your harness. You stop completely before dismounting your horse, "We don't hunt vampires at night. "And that's why you spend more time on it, or maybe it works with the little varmints you usually hunt, but with this one you're going to have to make an effort sweetie."

"Don't call her that," Pero says dryly. Max turns around quite surprised by this request, knowing that he doesn't react the same way, when he calls handsome.

You look at Pero who makes you understand that you have to try. You have no choice. So, when night falls and you have taken the time to tie your horses to a tree not far from the church in question, you follow your new travelling companion very closely, remaining more than ever on your guard, being convinced that you are walking into a trap. Nevertheless, you can't help noticing how broad he is, like Pero, and wonder what it would be like to be between these two men in bed...

You obviously don't notice that Pero has his eyes on the same places as you, thinking the same things as you, for a few seconds: what would it be like to spend a night with you in his arms as he has always wished and a man who doesn't repulse him as much as he thought he would... He wonders how he could have attached himself to Max so quickly, secretly starting to like him... He chases his thoughts away when your words bring him back to reality, avoiding a bulge that would have been more than embarrassing at this moment...

"He will feel us coming no matter what…" you say "Not necessarily... In the same way that you humans can't use all your senses correctly when you drink too much..." he says, leaving you to guess what he was about to say next. You don't know if you can believe what he is just told you, but as for the information about their survival, he hasn't lied to you so far... So why not...

The church that the village priest told you about the massacre is still soaked with blood. You feel your stomach lurch, never getting used to the loss of human life and bodies lying around you, starting to give off a putrid smell from the heat. Pero squeezes your shoulder lightly, knowing your aversion to this kind of sight, but you try not to flinch, gripping your sword tighter in your hands.

"We have to..." you start but Max rushes to put a hand over your mouth faster than you can anticipate. You find yourself pressed against his chest, being able to feel every part of his body against yours, his scent intoxicating your breathing space... He smells good, and his body is hard and pleasurable, you wonder what it would be like in another situation, but quickly push the thought from your mind AGAIN, thinking that you're probably just horny for the slightest contact you've wanted to have with Pero for years, and no men has ever satisfied you correctly...

He says nothing and stops in the direction of the open door near the altar, inhaling in that direction. Pero walks around the few benches still standing in his path, sword in hand, leaning against the wall where the door is, where Max is interested. But you notice that Max shakes his head with every step he takes, signalling him to back off. You wouldn't trust a vampire in any situation, but for this one, for Pero, you don't hesitate for a second.

You start to move towards him before Max can realize it, and try to silently reach Pero, telling yourself that if the vampire in the room next to him is there, maybe Max wasn't lying to you after all... But a woman suddenly appeared from the doorway, her face gorged with blood, black veins surrounding her eyes, turning her gaze directly towards Pero, who barely had time to raise his sword to hit her in the cheek, causing her cheek to smoke slightly from the contact of the silver on her skin, followed by a shrill cry and a black look of anger towards Tovar.

He didn't flinch and just tried to give her another blow with his blade, which this time he hoped would pierce her flesh, but she quickly avoided it, laughing, almost amused that you were trying to fight her. You glance behind you wondering where Max might be and see him struggling with another vampire who must have been watching you from behind. The two men are hitting each other with a strength you've never seen before, you've never seen two vampires fight before today... In a split second a second vampire comes up behind him, and you are about to warn him, feeling a sudden concern for him, but you don't need to, before you can see it, he comes up behind the vampire he's standing with facing the newcomer, rips off the head of his first opponent and grabs the new one by the throat to sink his fangs into it and rip out his throat before cracking his neck and dropping him to the ground. You watch him perform all these moves in a few seconds and find yourself slightly excited by this...

You shake your head slightly and come to your senses despite yourself, suddenly finding yourself thrown against one of the walls. A deep pain runs through your body, but you don't pay attention to it, you are used to this kind of feeling and you stand up to give a precise blow of your blade to your opponent, cutting his leg and then separating his head from the rest of his body.

You then grab one of your powder pouches and throw it in the face of the one who is still attacking Pero despite all the wounds he has inflicted on her to try and distract her for a short while. But it doesn't work, and only brings her attention to you. You then grab your sword and thrust it into her arm, driving it as deep as you can.

She doesn't scream, and smiles at you, preventing you from regaining possession of your sword, and grabs you by the throat, lifting you slightly off the ground with her fangs slowly coming out to rest against her lips, until something sinks into her chest and forces her to let go of you "Vete al infierno, hijo de puta" : Pero's sword. She looks at you for a short moment before her body turns completely grey and lies coldly on the ground before forming a pile of ash.

Pero leans towards you and checks your neck, pushing your hands away roughly, "I'm fine Pero... Pero..." Something grabs him by the throat in turn, but as always Pero reacts quickly, and grabs the dagger at your calf to slice the hand around it and turns to face his enemy, another vampire who he inflicts a dagger blow to the leg, knocking him completely off balance.

A hand suddenly appears at your side, you point your sword in that direction. But it's only Max, his hands completely bloody, blood still dripping from his lips, and strangely it doesn't repel you like it usually does, so you grab his hand without any hesitation. "Are you going to help Pero or watch?" you say, pointing in your friend's direction, "He's doing great, I think! We could just go and talk about the little looks you gave me instead of fighting" he says with a smile, pointing to the church exit. But you don't smile and put a more than serious look on your face, "I'm just kidding, sweetheart... I have to talk with our dear Ted anyway..." he says, dropping his jacket on one of the broken pews of the church.

Ted... Does he know him? Of course, he knows him...

He disappears before you can ask him the question and finds himself with his hands around the throat of this Ted, pushing his head down the stone stairs of the church, with remarkable ease " Where is he? " Says Max pulling out his fangs, " You'll never find him, he'll find you before my dear brother does, to kill you, when he'll be done with Tarja, and you'll join them... with your new friends ". he said, laughing. Max put a foot on his back and grabbed his hair and yanked his head away.

You glance at Pero, who doesn't really pay attention to you, staring at Max, who is also staring at him, waiting for an explanation for these last words, but he doesn't say anything and just goes around him and grabs his jacket to leave the church. "Pero..." "I don't think he's lying to us..." he simply said, cutting you off "... He's not lying to us Pero... You should have seen the rage in his eyes when he was fighting them... You know I hate them as much as you do, but apparently we're going to have to trust this one." you say, running your thumb over his cheek to get the blood off it. A hand gently grabs your wrist, and you turn to see Max looking at you with a neutral gaze "If you want to talk about me... Write. I can hear you from far away" he says licking your thumb as he stares into Pero's eyes, who says nothing and doesn't give him a disgusted look as he would like to do, that would be lying to himself and this strange attraction he has to this individual, so he just pass his gaze to you before turning back to the horses, leaving Max's gaze plunged into your finger sucking hold, making your clit swell in your trousers. And as if he could feel it, he smiles, letting go of your finger to head back to the horses, leaving you standing in front of the church confused at what just happened between the three of you.

On your departure Pero decided to burn this place, even though you insist on the discontent of the villagers, he persuaded you, making you admit that no one wants to see what is in this place, that no one should have to see such a massacre…

When you were about to leave, the church cross fell into the field around it, and you watched it burn, upside down, probably announcing nothing good for you...

⊱•~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •⊰

"You could stop looking at everyone like that Pero..." you say sitting in front of your plate in the tavern. "You scare everyone...".

"I don't mind, and I'm not the one who scares them..." he says as he points max up and down with the tip of his fork, making you aware that you are completely covered in blood, probably explaining the extra food the tavern keeper gave you probably scared of you. "And I'm only smiling for you, you know that" he adds silently, letting a simple smile form on your lips, touched by every little attention he expresses, rare as they are, even knowing that you're just a sister to him... It makes you wish he'd say it in another context, one where you wouldn't be just friends.

Your gaze shifts to Max who looks at you tenderly and amused, shaking his head, thinking that you are both blind "Who was that Ted?" you say trying to change the mood at the table. He frowns and doesn't answer, turning his gaze to the people in the tavern who are staring at him. A man completely covered in blood, who hasn't touched a spoonful of his food, accompanied by strangers. With the stories of demons coming to damn the land of your country since you were a child, it doesn't seem suspicious at all.

He then grabs his spoon and takes a portion of soup, without making a single expression. You widen your eyes in surprise at what you've just seen, and Pero frowns in confusion, realising once again that he doesn't know as much about their species as he thought he did, realising that anyone who can blend in could be one of them...“It taste like ashes to me…” say Max quietly, trying to remember what a soup taste like.

"She asked a question," he said, pointing his fork at him. Max smiled at him “It was my brother handsome, and I want you to talk nice to me. I can… feel, that you love to give orders, but I take them only in bed.” Pero didn’t say anything and just frown, faking to not understand what the man was proposing right now and putting some food in his mouth, hiding his desire like he always do with men, usually waiting to be alone. "He was your brother, and you didn't hesitate to kill him, so how can we be sure that you..." you start but Max roll his eyes and cut your sentence "You're not going to doubt me again sweetheart? This is getting lacy and redundant." he says as he puts his spoon down in his bowl"...He wasn't my brother per se... We just had the same maker... Like all vampire in the church tonight..." he says with a smile, but his smile doesn't fool you and lets you see a hint of sadness in his eyes. Something Pero doesn't miss either, something he thought about on your way to the camp, but doesn't say anything about it, interested in his story, nonetheless. "Who are you supposed to join when you die?" he said, breaking the silence around the fire.

He stared at Pero through the flames, and hesitated for a few seconds, but finally spoke, realising that you both trust him a little more every moment, step by step "My wife and daughter..." he said softly, almost inaudible. You and Pero stare at each other, eyebrows furrowed, surprised by this revelation. "I... A vampire child?" says Tovar, pretty sure he's never met one in his life. Max looked at Pero and laughed, "I was human before I was like this, handsome! ... I had a life..." he said sadly, looking into the flames and talking as if he hadn't been able to do so for years. "... I had a farm with my wife in the south of the country, a farm she had always wanted, a farm I had given her with promises of a better life... Our daughter loved the horses we had there... She would wake up and run straight to them every morning, although we told her every morning from the moment she could walk that she had to ask us or tell us... and one evening I asked her to go and check as she always did if all the horses were there..." He paused for a moment trying to smile, probably not wanting to show you that he has feelings, toward the both of you " ... That was the last time I saw her alive. My wife found her completely pale and bleeding in the stable… She let out a scream like I've never heard before. When I arrived, he was on top of her... Already dead with empty eyes, looking at me... and his own face... was so monstrous, soaked in blood, the blood of my beloved... ". he take a little pause, and you let him, putting your hand on his shoulder, before he said something who really broke your heart “I promised her the world to only die on a land of broken promises”

You feel your heart clenching hard in your chest and look at him with compassion, because you can see him as anyone could see him right now that he is not lying to you... Pero hands him a flask not really knowing if he is drinking alcohol or not, but he grabs it, appreciating the gesture and takes a sip before continuing "I grabbed my pitchfork you know... And I tried to struggle against him... But I woke up underground... And he told me later that he liked the fact that I wasn't afraid of him, and preferred to turn me to join him ... I would have preferred to die with them that night... And I was forced to follow him for so many years, I wouldn't have survived a day without it..." he says, passing you the flask.

"You must not be the only one like this” Pero said without an ounce of malice or teasing in his voice as he would normally have seen a member of this species suffer, he was sincerely starting to enjoy the company of this Max Philips, actually sad for him "There's Tarja, who left the clan many years ago before me, and who settled alone near the border in the east... At least that's the last time I saw her there... And if he's after her, she's probably already dead. She wasn't as well trained as us, and much younger..." he says, straightening up slightly and giving you a dry, forced smile.

“If she had lost her family that…” “Oh no it’s more complicated for her beauty… She was a saint in a monastery that he attacked a few years ago… She lost all her children in one night… And he turned her for fun, thinking that a saint with a damned soul would be something fun, I guess…”

Pero frowned his brows and there was silence between you for a few seconds. You put your hand on Pero’s arm and sent him a smile of compassion “… This monastery was in the north? A monastery by a river." asked Pero silently with his eyes closed. "How can you possibly know that you..." “Because your creator did not kill all the children that night...” Pero said, opening his eyes with a dark and sad gaze…

Chapter3

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[madam-melon-meow]

Bisexual Kyoshi is something that can be so personal, actually

Panel edit by @flagellasturbation

[image I.D. : An edit of a comic panel of avatar Kyoshi. On the left in the image is a close-up of Kyoshi from the torso up, contained within an upside-down trapezoid shape. She wears her full battle uniform of olive and emerald robes, dark gloves and bracers, and a golden headpiece in a fan-like shape. Her eyes are the same emerald shade as her robes, she has black hair billowing to the left edge of the image, and her black eyebrows have been dramatically lengthened by black face paint. Her face and neck are artificially whitened with chalky makeup, she has black winged eyeliner, red eyeshadow that sweeps upwards to her temples and down the sides of her nose, and red lipstick outlined in black. This is the classic Kyoshi makeup. Her arms are crossed, the left arm behind her head pointing a golden fan away from the viewer, the right arm extended in front of her face, another golden fan pointed towards the viewer. She appears to be looking upwards and towards the right of the image. Above Kyoshi’s eye level and in the top right of the image is a comic text box. It reads in all caps: “even avatar Kyoshi- who by all accounts loved men and women- was unable to effect any kind of real progress.” The background art and color has been replaced with the Bisexual Flag, a thick horizontal line of pink on top, stopping at Kyoshi’s cheek level, then a thinner line of purple ending at her shoulders, and a thick line of blue that extends to the bottom of the image. End I.D.]

(If someone does not find my image I.D. sufficient, please let me know. This is my first time trying to make such a thing, as i am a lurker, not a poster)

Rise of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee, page 99 (text copy / pasted from the b&n ebook version)

““Are those . . . fire lilies?” he said, a wide, knowing grin spreading across his face.

Kyoshi flushed beet red. “Stop it,” she said.

“That’s right,” Yun said. “The Ember Island tourism minister brought a bunch when he visited two weeks ago. I can’t believe you simply shred the flowers once they dry out. I guess nothing goes to waste in this house.”

“Knock it off,” Kyoshi snapped. But it was too hard keeping the corners of her lips from curling upward.

“Knock what off?” he said, enjoying her reaction. “I’m just commenting on a fragrance I’ve come to particularly enjoy.”

It was an inside reference that only the two of them shared. Rangi didn’t know. She hadn’t been there in the gifting room eight months ago while Kyoshi arranged a vast quantity of fire lilies sent by an admiral in the Fire Navy, one of Hei-Ran’s friends.

Yun had spent the afternoon watching Kyoshi work. Against every scrap of her better judgment, she’d allowed him to lie down on the floor and rest his head in her lap while she plucked deformed leaves and trimmed stems to the right length. Had anyone caught the two of them like that, there would have been a scandal that not even the Avatar could have recovered from.

That day, entranced by Yun’s upside-down features dappled with the flower petals she’d teasingly sprinkled over his face, she’d almost leaned down and kissed him. And he knew it. Because he’d almost reached up and kissed her.

They never spoke of it afterward, the shared impulse that had nearly crashed both of their carriages. It was too . . . well, they each had their duties was a good way to put it. That moment did not fit anywhere among their responsibilities.

But since then, whenever the two of them were in the presence of fire lilies, Yun’s eyes would dart toward the flowers repeatedly until he was sure Kyoshi noticed. She would try unsuccessfully to keep a straight face, the heat coloring her neck, and he’d sigh as if to mourn what could have been.

Today was no different. With a wistful blush on his own cheeks, Yun stared her down until her defenses broke and she let out a giggle through her nose.

“There’s that beautiful smile,” he said. He pressed his heels into the floor, sliding up against the wall, and straightened his rumpled shirt. “Kyoshi, trust me when I say this: If it turns out not to be me, I’ll be glad it’s you.”

~~~~~~~~~

Rise of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee, page 210 (text copy / pasted from the b&n ebook version)

“You think you don’t deserve peace and happiness and good things, but you do!” Rangi yelled. “You, Kyoshi! Not the Avatar, but you!”

She closed the distance and wrapped her arms around Kyoshi’s waist. The embrace was a clever way to hide her face.

“Do you have any idea how painful it’s been for me to follow you on this journey where you’re so determined to punish yourself?” she said. “Watching you treat yourself like an empty vessel for revenge, when I’ve known you since you were a servant girl who couldn’t bend a pebble? The Avatar can be reborn. But you can’t, Kyoshi. I don’t want to give you up to the next generation. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

Kyoshi realized she’d had it all wrong. Rangi was a true believer. But her greatest faith had been for her friends, not her assignment. She pulled Rangi in closer. She thought she heard a slight, contented sigh come from the other girl.

“I wish I could give you your due,” Rangi muttered after some time had passed. “The wisest teachers. Armies to defend you. A palace to live in.”

Kyoshi raised an eyebrow. “The Avatar gets a palace?”

“No, but you deserve one.”

“I don’t need it,” Kyoshi said. She smiled into Rangi’s hair, the soft strands caressing her lips. “And I don’t need an army. I have you.”

Psh,” Rangi scoffed. “A lot of good I’ve been so far. If I were better at my job you would never feel scared. Only loved. Adored by all.”

Kyoshi gently nudged Rangi’s chin upward. She could no more prevent herself from doing this than she could keep from breathing, living, fearing.

“I do feel loved,” she declared.

Rangi’s beautiful face shone in reflection. Kyoshi leaned in and kissed her.

A warm glow mapped Kyoshi’s veins. Eternity distilled in a single brush of skin. She thought she would never be more alive than now.

And then—

The shock of hands pushing her away. Kyoshi snapped out of her trance, aghast.

Rangi had flinched at the contact. Repelled her. Viscerally, reflexively.

Oh no. Oh no.

This couldn’t—not after everything they’d been through—this couldn’t be how it—

Kyoshi shut her eyes until they hurt. She wanted to shrink until she vanished within the cracks of the earth. She wanted to become dust and blow away in the wind.

But the sound of laughter pulled her back. Rangi was coughing, drowning herself with her own tears and mirth. She caught her breath and retook Kyoshi by the hips, turning to the side, offering up the smooth, unblemished skin of her throat.

“That side of my face is busted up, stupid,” she whispered in the darkness. “Kiss me where I’m not hurt.”

~~~~~

I include both these quotes because i've seen a few posts about the “gigantic lesbian” avatar, and although i am glad my sapphic sisters feel connected to Kyoshi (as well they should!), that doesn't mean i wish to simply be quiet on the matter of her textual bisexuality. I understand that not everyone has read her novels, nor has everyone read legend of Korra comics, but Kyoshi is *textually* bisexual.

Kyoshi had a loving romantic relationship with her firebending friend Rangi, but this does not erase her feelings for her earthbending friend Yun, even if neither of them were able to properly express it due to their respective “status”. (For context if you haven’t read, the masters believed that Yun was the avatar, and though he was bodyguarded by Rangi, and though Kyoshi was his servent, the three of them were simiar ages and thus close friends until the discovery of Kyoshi’s true ability destroyed their former lives). Hell, Kyoshi and Rangi do not become intimate until after fleeing their former lives. Who is to say what would have happened, had Yun not been captured by father glowworm ?

I know that there is a chance you will scoff at this, will write this off as comphet, accuse me of disproportionately weighting an almost-kiss with a true relationship, but these above quotes (as well as the comic panel from “the legend of korra: turf wars- part 1”) serve as proof that Kyoshi, “by all accounts loved men and women” (see panel directly below)

[image I.D. : the same comic panel as the edit above, this one without the bisexual flag edited in. Directly behind Kyoshi, within the upside-down trapezoid shape, is an olive to lime gradient, darker around her head and lighter near the bottom. Around and to the right in the image, outside of the trapezoid, is an aerial shot of buildings within an Earth Kingdom city, and what appears to be the lines of troops on the ground far below. the text box in the image is the same, but I have underlined the word “men” in blue, the word “and” in purple, and the word “women” in pink, to reflect the bisexual flag. End I.D.]

I am making such a big deal over this because Kyoshi is a massive figure, her long shadow cast over Aang’s life alongside Roku’s, and even before her novels came out there were often jokes about her “bloodthirsty” nature. I implore you to read the novels and see why Kyoshi believed in deadly justice at times, but also so you can see what a dynamic, loving, and beautiful character she is.

Some members of fandom have taken a “step on me” attitude towards Kyoshi, who has, even if the 7 feet tall thing is more fanon than canon, been explicitly described as “exceptionally tall”, and “towering” over others. This “strong woman who will break me and I thank them” attitude is one that butch &/or physically imposing sapphics, as well as trans women with similar statures to Kyoshi have expressed discomfort when applied to themselves and characters like them. I would love for more people to acknowledge her flaws and multi-faceted nature, that she is more than a “warrior goddess”, just as Aang is more than a living relic. Flattening her out to the easily-fetishable parts erases the depth of her character and the complexity of circumstances that led to the instances of deadly force.

There are very few bisexual characters in media, especially women, and especially in children’s media. Bisexual women have often been caricatured as loose, promiscuous, good for a threesome and not much else. (This is mot to say that i think any lesser of my fellow bisexuals who are proudly promiscious, nor can an actual live bisexual person be considered a stereotype for living their life, but media’s portayal of us as obsessed with desire is incredibly harmful). Knowing that a strong, beautiful, and important character in the avatar universe is a bisexual woman is amazing, even more so to have her first lady-love described in the novels with such care. F. C. Yee, the author of these novels, has my eternal gratitude. I sincerely hope that the new generation of fans, whether they are drawn to the cartoon or even the hypothetical live action show, will pick up these novels and discover the kind of bisexual character that I wish existed in my early days as a reader, and if a small fraction of them resonate with Kyoshi’s reciprocal on Yun and love for Rangi, then the world becomes a little bit brighter for it.

I mentioned her importance for the simple reason that Kyoshi IS important with the text of ATLA. As one of the avatars, she is one of the most historically important figures in that universe, one of the few avatars that Aang knows by name, and one of the only avatars to speak through his body. The fact that she has two whole novels to herself testifies to that effect, making her bisexual representation all the more important than a simple background character might be. 

If or when the ATLA live action tv show occurs, we can expect some mention of Kyoshi. After all, there is a whole episode dedicated to exploring one of her missions, and the way that the descendants of her enemy have recolored history. It is my sincere desire that enough discussion is made about her canon bisexuality , that fandom trumphets it from the roof with as much force as crackshipping zukka, that when she does make it to the screen, there is some subtle nod in her bisexuality’s direction, even if it is something as meta as casting a bisexual actress for her. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

edit by @flagellasturbation​

[image I.D. : An edit of a comic panel of avatar Kyoshi. This is like the first image, Kyoshi and the text box of the comic panel untouched, the background color and art replaced with the bisexual flag. However, this version has the words “by all accounts” blown up large and placed diagonally in the image, directly under Kyoshi’s face and stretching from one side of the image to the other. The bottom third of the image is similarly obscured, the words  “men” , “and” , “women” blown up large enough to fill the panel and cover most of Kyoshi’s torso, as well as the purple and blue areas of the background flag. End I.D.]

[maplecornia]

chapter 28

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.13K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: Jin looks kind of like a vampire in my banner ngl

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags:@kookaine |@fangirl125reader |@kookiebbyxx |@taradevonne |@rae-bear |@mangminnie |@pixiekooo

What does he know?

You find yourself spacing out as you stand at the printer, waiting for Namjoon's schedule.

Just when you thought you had found some normalcy to your already chaotic life, you find yourself here. Biting your bottom lip, you groan, falling on top of the printer, the warmth as it sparks to life easing you even if it's for a little while.

"Why me?" you murmur, your brow furrowed and eyes glistening with helpless emotion. "Why now?"

What happened to the auditions you had sent before? In a time where you believed that you could achieve your dream without anything or anyone else holding you back. Were you not good enough then?

What makes you good enough now?

Groaning, you slide off the printer and run your hands through your hair. Your neat look has been thoroughly rumpled, just like your day, and you wonder if there will ever be a time where you're allowed to breathe.

Where you're welcome to let go.

With the small slip of paper sliding out of the printer, you grab it and turn swiftly around, ready to take it to Namjoon.

If only life were easier.

With a sharp cry, you bump into a couple of people walking by, and scalding hot liquid splatters between the two of you. A bitter, almost pitch black liquid soils your shirt and destroys the schedule you hold in your hands.

Coffee? Again?

Sighing, You wipe some of the drops off your face before glancing up to see if the pair is all right.

It's two girls and from the looks of it, they seem to be staff themselves, perhaps working on the publications team. You try to catch a glimpse of their badges, but they're moving too much and you can't get a good enough look.

However, you're able to catch a glimpse of their features perfectly fine. One of them is tall, with a soft tan to her smooth skin, and darker features. She has obsidian eyes that glitter when the light catches them and a square jawline that matches her demanding aura. Her hair is long and straight but looks soft to the touch. She doesn't wear many expressions on her face, however, and looks to be a bit standoffish. She would be hard to get close to.

The second one is the one who was carrying the coffee and though her face is pulled into one of disgust, you can tell that she's gorgeous. She has soft honeydew skin and almond butter eyes. Her face is perfectly symmetrical, and her lips full and glossy. Her eyes are large and wide, a deep brown color, with long dark eyelashes brushing against her cheek each time she blinks. They would otherwise be beautiful if they didn't sparkle with hatred and malice.

After a moment, you recognize what you've done; panic rising in your throat, you scramble to do something. You quickly reach for your emergency towels, but you've left your satchel in your small office. Cursing silently underneath your breath, you reach down to pick up the discarded cup and help her as best as you can.

"I'm sorry I--"

"Watch out will you?!"

Stunned, you step back, not sure what to do. It's been a while since you've been yelled at like that. A while since you've felt that shock. Swallowing hard, you shake it off and proceed to pick up the cup, keeping your distance.

Maybe it's better to just leave her alone.

"Wait..." at the sound of her voice, you look up, rather disinterested. "Who are you?"

Rolling your eyes, you turn to the trash can. You can't believe you expected an apology. Her friend, the one who was helping her clean up, peers at you before nudging her.

"She's who we were talking about, remember? Jaejin's replacement."

At the mention of your friend's name, your ears perk, and you drop the coffee cup in the trash can. Just what have they been saying about you two? Biting the inside of your cheek in annoyance, you turn around, facing them head-on.

"Oh!" The coffee girl's eyes widen. She looks you up and down as though inspecting a piece of meat. Her lip curls as she turns to her friends, eyes darkening with disgust. "Why didn't they ask one of us? She's hardly experienced."

You raise an eyebrow. Do they think you can't hear them? The dark beauty shrugs, her black eyes dull with disinterest.

"I heard she knows Jaejin. He gave her the post."

You try to be angry, you try to deny the accusations...but they aren't wrong.

Somehow, that makes it worse.

"Who is she, a colonizer?!" Ms. Coffee scoffs, tossing her hair over her shoulder. You try not to flinch, but you can't control it. You swallow hard, curling your hands into fists at your sides.

"Besides, isn't Jaejin dating Mijeong?"

Your breath stops as you hear the words, the same words Sunoh said when you met him. The same words which remind you of everything you have lost.

If they continue to speak, you don't listen, you can't hear them. The roar starts in your ears as your blood rushes to your head, and spots cloud your vision. You can't see, you can't think, you can't function.

Why is it still so hard?

Why can't you let go?

You feel yourself begin to sway as the room swirls into fragments of time and space, and you lose sight of where and who you are.

The only thing left is pain.

Always pain.

"Who says he isn't?" The hand wrapping itself securely around your shoulder, the soft calming voice at your ear, brings you back to reality and you're able to breathe again.

"Jojo?" The tall dark beauty's eyes widen and she steps back a bit. It seems as though she's started a fight she won't be able to finish. Jojo narrows her eyes, her hand tightening around your shoulder as she pulls you behind her in a protective gesture.

"What's going on here?"

"Nothing." Miss Coffee quickly intervenes, sending a wide smile your way. One that somehow comes across as menacing, matching the anger in her eyes. "Just a careless newbie is all."

Her voice is dripping with sarcasm and her friend beside her pinches her in her side, whispering something incomprehensible in her ear. The Coffee Girl shakes her off, growing furious by the second. You narrow your eyes her way. This has to be more than a stupid coffee spill, but what could she possibly have against you?

"Come on, Jojo. She's the one in the wrong. If it were any one of us, you wouldn't give a second look." She snarls before turning to you and reaching around Jojo to push you backward.

"Ya!" Jojo cries out in surprise, stepping in front of you, but not before the damage is done. Caught off guard, you stumble back into the printer. Her friend gasps, and steps back. You wonder if she's considering removing herself from the equation. Pulling yourself up, you glare at her before stepping forward.

"What's your problem?" you hiss, your hands clenching at your side to try and contain your anger. Jojo steps in front of you once more, just in case you decide to start swinging some punches. Frustrated, you push her aside. It's not like you're going to do anything. Jojo sends you a sideways glance, but you ignore her, focusing on the target in front of you. “What are you, a child?”

"Did you hear something?" The girl smirks, nudging her friend beside her who swallows nervously. You don't know why, but that only makes you angrier, and you consider stepping across Jojo to smack some sense into her. Instead, you deepen your glare and roll your eyes.

"Pathetic..."

Are you wrong? She's acting like a child. So naturally, your snide comment doesn't sit well with her. Eyes widening in anger, she raises her hand to slap you across the cheek, and you flinch.

But the strike never comes.

Opening your eyes slowly, you turn to find someone has come in between the two of you, hand wrapped tightly around the girls. You look to Jojo, half expecting the source to be her...but it's not. Her eyes are wide and she seems to have frozen.

So then who?

"Now now." Your eyes widen at the voice and your heart starts pounding hard in your ears as he steps in front of you, shielding you. The girl stares up at him with shameful fear, as though her entire world has just been shattered. "You should really watch your temper."

He drops her hand and she steps back, her friend catching her from behind.

"You never know who might be watching."

He gestures to the room, at the groups of people watching, whispering to each other. They don't hide their interest, nor their disgust as they send looks towards the girl.

Satisfied, he turns to you, a reassuring smile breaking out on his face. The same face known and cherished worldwide. Up close, it's even more unreal.

Kim Seokjin.

"As you said, Yen is new, and when you were first starting out, you made way more mistakes believe me." Jojo snaps, her eyes glittering with anger as she turns to Coffee. She steps forward, leaning beside her ear.

"I would be careful who you make an enemy, sweetheart." She whispers harshly, loud enough for anyone close to the two of them to hear. "Namjoon quite likes his assistant, wonder what he'd do if something happened to her."

Though the threat wasn't directly said, it's clear what Jojo meant and as she pulls back, smiling sweetly; the girl's pale face tells you that she clearly understood.

"Is that all then?" Jin says from beside you, causing you to jump. When did he get so close? The girl glances at the two of you and seems to grow furious at the sight. Her pale face quickly flushes with anger and she scowls before storming away, ramming her shoulder violently into yours before she goes; her friend scuttling after her.

"Ya!" Jojo calls, but the girl is already gone, and you don't mind. Scoffing, she shakes her head before turning to you. "So immature...what are we kids?"

You don't respond, instead, you turn away from the pair of them, finding your printed schedule discarded and drenched on the ground. Sighing, you pick it up, holding it gingerly in your hands.

Everything soiled.

"Now I have to start all over."

Behind you, Jojo and Jin give each other a look before Jojo kneels beside you and places her hand on your shoulder. When you don't look at her right away, she peers into your face and you turn to her, your face blank.

"Yen, are you alright?" you nod before pulling away, throwing the schedule in the trash can.

"I'm fine."

Jojo sighs before standing as well.

"Why didn't you stop them?" you pause at the question.

Why didn't you stop them? You're not sure you know yourself. You wanted to, you wanted to fight back...

But you have no fight left.

Sighing, you shake off the feeling of despondency before turning to her and smiling weakly.

"Were they wrong?" Jin furrows his brow in concern at the phrase. He tries to read your expression, understand what's wrong but it's near impossible. You've closed yourself off to everyone around you, and while you try to act tough, you're afraid. Sighing you turn away from them, unable to handle the pitying looks. "Besides, I don't have to answer to them."

I don't have to answer to anybody.

After a moment, Jin walks to your side and places his hand gently on your shoulder. Surprised, you flinch away from his grasp, but it doesn't phase him. He looks down at you with a somber expression before noticing your drenched shirt. You follow his gaze and the heat of embarrassment floods your cheeks. You quickly fold your arms across the stain, acting as though it doesn't exist. He smirks a little at the attempt.

Now she...she's interesting.

"Jojo?" He calls, still staring at you, and you narrow your eyes.

What is he expecting, a cookie?

"Would you mind printing out the schedule for Ms..." His eyes search for your badge before he locates it and takes it, reading your name. "...Lin today?"

Jojo nods but looks towards him a bit perplexed.

"Sure...but what are you planning to do?"

Smiling he twirls your ID in his hand before you snatch it away from him which only makes his smile grow wider. Taking your hand, he turns and pulls you behind him, Jojo staring at the two of you in shock.

"I'm going to help her change."

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: another BTS member encounter! and yes, it's the cliche stop of the slap, shut up 🙄

chapter 29 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

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[lelenoir]

pairings: childhood friend!dong sicheng x reader [ft. wong yukhei]

word count: 3.6k

synopsis: wherein sicheng always thought that he would spend the rest of his life with you. only to be smacked with the bitter truth.

dedicated to: engel @jenoir, the no to my noren.

inspired by: the song it's over, isn't it? from steven universe

note: hellooo finally got this out after rotting away for days hehe. anyways i hope you like it!! it'll probably be my last fic for a while since school and stuff and also my other blog. this was supposed to be a small drabble but i guess the universe had other plans KSKSK

DONG SICHENG ALWAYS LOVED YOU.

It was always written in his stars, always engraved in stone and he always believed that the moment he laid eyes on you he was struck by Cupid's bow and arrow. Of course, he never noticed this until later on.

It happened in your local playground. The tall---at least in his standard---five year old boy buzzing with joy as he rode his bike across the street. His hair flowed freely with the wind as he fought the urge to raise his hands up. Legs pedalling as if he was in a race against the fastest cyclists around the globe. The world blurred in his vision, pure bliss coursing through his veins. As a toddler, he didn't want that moment to end.

Unable to contain it any longer, the boy slowly let go of the handles, ghosting the rubber for a few more moments until he finally decided to let it go. For him, in his toddler state of mind, nothing could compare to the feeling he felt that moment. The street of his small childhood town zooming all around him as he let the world's breath engulf him. It looked like what Luke Skywalker saw whenever he drove a spaceship in that movie his brother always watched.

The moment only lasted for five seconds. It all happened so fast. One minute he was on top of the world, the next he was tumbling down fast. The ground hitting him hard. His hands were quick to hold on to his wounded knee as soon as he landed, eyes closed from the pain and a strong hiss leaving his lips. Tears welled up in his eyes as he watched the blood on his exposed flesh. He groaned when he tried to touch it.

"That was stupid." Three simple words. One simple statement. And you had his whole attention on you. Eyes wide from shock but you mistake it as confusion. "What you did. That was stupid." You repeated as if he was dumb. A dull look rested on your eyes as you looked down on him. It took him by surprise when he saw your extended arms in front of him. He couldn't help but gawk at the gesture. "What? Aren't you gonna take it?"

Slowly, he did. Gulping slightly as he stood up, wincing once he felt the sting of his wound. "It's just a graze. Nothing serious." You spoke up once again. His eyes looking towards your face, only to see you staring at his knee. "Do you need help walking?" You asked, finally meeting his gaze.

He was speechless. He'd never talked to anyone that wasn't his brother or his classmates. He rarely ever talked to the girls in his class, in fear of the disease his brother dubbed as cooties.

"You okay?" You quirk an eyebrow at him, making him flinch up in alertness. His hands felt slightly clammy as he clenched and unclenched them.

"Yeah…" he trailed off, voice barely a whisper. He saw you break into a smile. It shook him to the core. Especially with how intimidating you've presented yourself to be. He didn't know why but he wanted to see it again.

"So… walk?" You asked once more. It was like a switch had been turned on inside of you. Sicheng felt a bit confused on what to feel about the current change in aura as he slightly nodded his head in reply. You hummed, nodding your head once as you made your way to his fallen bike. You pulled it up with such ease. Even he had a difficult time carrying the heavy thing. You steadied the bike with your hands, walking to him as you let the bike trail next to you. "Where do you live?"

Sicheng should've felt embarrassed. After all, a girl, of all people, was walking him home. Him. It should've been the other way around. He felt like an utter loser having tears threatening to spill from his eyes while a girl carried his bike for him. He sighed, preparing himself for his brother's endless teasing.

"What's your name?" He spoke up, halfway through the walk. So far none of you thought of initiating into another conversation, basking in each other's company in the form of silence. "I'm Sicheng, Dong Sicheng."

You didn't even flinch at his question. "Y/n" you replied, eyes never leaving the path ahead until you turned your head to look at him for a second before turning back once again. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too, y/n." Maybe it was his pea sized brain or just his lack of comprehension but you clearly didn't want to start a conversation. "What school do you go to? I don't think I've ever seen you around."

"I'm homeschooled." You answered. "My mom teaches me." Sicheng gaped at the revelation, never ever meeting someone like you.

"That's so cool!" He exclaimed. "I wish I was homeschooled. That way I won't have to wake up too early just to get to school."

You only hummed in reply, ready to fall back into your comfortable silence. Sicheng suddenly gasped. "That means you don't get to see other kids!" He says it like it was the biggest breakthrough of the century. "Doesn't it get very lonely?" He laid his head to the side in question.

"Not really," you shrugged, "I'm kind of used to it."

He gasped once again. "You shouldn't though."

"'Life isn't always what you expect it to be.' is what my mom told me a lot. I guess I just preferred to accept it rather than dwell on it too much." You explained, keeping your expression as undecipherable as possible. It drove five year old Sicheng's brain crazy.

"Then I'll be your friend." He declared, pointing his thumb on his chest. "Heck, I'll be your best friend!" He shouts joyfully.

Your eyes widened at his words, not really used to such enthusiasm. Still, a small smile cracked on your features once again. He didn't know if you saw it but Sicheng felt his eyes beam up at the sight of it. You nodded your head. "Okay."

A proud smile adorned the little boy's face, not minding his previous concerns as he walked alongside you. The wound still hurt from walking but his mind seemed to have flown elsewhere, its current occupation slightly numbing the pain of his nerves.

You were the coolest girl he's ever met.

DONG SICHENG LOVED YOU UNKNOWINGLY.

Barefaced and a little tired, you laid your body down on the grass next to him. You sighed, eyes up the stars as Sicheng took it all in. Not the night sky but you. A content smile on his features as he indulged himself with your presence.

"First day of school…" you breathed out. "I wonder how everything would turn out."

He noticed the way your fingers toyed amongst themselves, saw how your breathing slowly turned erratic. In all the years Sicheng has known you, this is the first time he's ever seen you this nervous. Tomorrow was the start of highschool for the both of you. For Sicheng, he wasn't nervous. Maybe a small bit but that was normal as first day jitters. You, on the other hand, were a different story. It was your very first time coming to school after being sheltered by your mom for so long. Sure she never intended it and it was mostly your refusal to go to school that made her teach you in the first place, but none of that helped calm your nerves.

A billion questions rang in your head. A billion possibilities playing along with it. You were in a whirlpool of your own thoughts and you were gasping for air.

Luckily, Sicheng was there to pull you out. His hand intertwining with yours as he drew circles to calm you down. He knew that always calmed you. He felt your body relax next to him. A good sign. He smiled at his small accomplishment.

"Don't worry," he tightened his hold on your palms but not to the point where it would hurt. Only to make you feel his presence more. "I'll be right here."

Highschool rolled in as normally as it could. You were nervous as you walked down the halls but you kept your face relaxed. Sicheng's presence next to you adds up to your ease as he tries to tell you as much as he can about school. Still, knowing Sicheng, he wasn't really as social and loud as he was with you. In these halls he tried to put up a mask for your sake. He smiled at unfamiliar people, nodded his head whenever they greeted him and even said a few 'hi's and 'hello's just to ease your doubt.

With that you smiled. And god he would never get tired of that sight. For a moment the two of you didn't move. For a moment it was just you and him. For a moment he let himself fall for you. He wished he could stay there with you, not a care in the world as he held on to your gaze. He thanked the stars for bringing you to him.

Sadly, even that moment had to end.

He was never one for crowds but seeing your guarded position and tense posture made him want to assure you that everything was going to be okay. He offered you an assuring smile which you returned gratefully.

The bell rang, snapping the both of you back to reality. He took your hand in his, drawing circles on it like he always did. "Your class is here. If you need me I'm right across your room." He said pointing towards the wooden door a few feet away. Just then, he enveloped both his hands around yours. "I'm always here, okay?"

You sighed in relief. A firm smile on your lips as you nodded. "Okay."

With that, he lets you go. He stepped back from you, waiting for you to walk in. You straightened up your posture before turning around. You closed your eyes, preparing yourself for whatever was on the other side of the door. Counting the seconds in your head before walking inside.

Sicheng smiled proudly at your back. He waited until you turned to your left towards the chairs before he too went on his way.

You've watched plenty of teen movies to know that you should never pick the seat in front. You looked around the unfamiliar faces of the people in the room. Some eyed you curiously while most had their head on their arms, presumably asleep. You couldn't blame them, it was the first period of the first day of school. All those times running around or sleeping in during the summer before suddenly getting thrusted into school was probably annoying.

You claimed your spot by the second to the last chair by the window. You rested your cheek on the palm of your hand as you looked out, admiring the sky and the gray roads.

"Hey there," a voice spoked up. You lifted your head to see a boy. He had a big beaming smile on his face as he settled his things on the chair next to you. "I'm Xiaojun."

You watched him curiously, pursing your lips for a second before turning your gaze back to the window. "Y/n."

DONG SICHENG REALISED HE LOVED YOU WAY TOO LATE.

He often wondered if he could change it. Always counted the different ways, the different scenarios and outcomes everything would've led to. He spent many nights figuring out how he got to this path. This path that he desperately wanted to stray from. Alas, he could never. Life was a road barricaded by formidable iron walls. Once you step on to one path, the other one closes, locking you in.

He waited for you in the halls, by the door of your Psych class. The both of you were in college now. He shifted his footing before turning to the small window on the door, peeking for just a glimpse of you.

It felt weird. He thought to himself, watching you smile from ear to ear at whatever your classmates were saying. It felt like only yesterday when he met you. Closed off and very reserved. It felt so surreal not being the only person to have broken down your walls. For Sicheng, he wasn't jealous. The opposite actually. He felt proud. He loved seeing you with the company of others and loved the way you managed to grow.

Just then, you met his eyes. He smiled, lifting his hand up in a small wave. And there it is. That smile. The one only he could cause. The smile that was reserved only for him. He felt his heart pound in his chest.

One of your classmates pulled your focus away from him. Your features reverted to that easy smile you gave everyone else.

Sicheng felt his cheeks warm at the thought, his feet turning to rest his back on the wall next to your classroom door. He sighed, closing his eyes. He could see your smile as he did so. Flashing before his eyes like a Polaroid trapped in time. Forever displaying your face with that smile he loved so much.

The bell rang loudly across the corridors, making him jump a bit before composing himself. He felt so nervous today for some reason. Something inside him was commanding every bit of his body to leap out. He shook the nerves of his fingertips, taking the time to compose himself.

He waited for you to come out, almost bouncing in joy when you did. "You seem happy…" you tell him, "what's up?"

"Well I just finished all my assignments, got a high grade in an essay I stayed up for, and managed to get the last cheese burger at lunch today. All in all it's not a bad day." He answered cheekily. You rolled your eyes at the response but maintained a lighthearted expression. You smiled softly, the both of you maintaining a slow pace as you walked away from the door.

"Y/n!" A voice called out. You were quick to turn to the voice, Sicheng mimicking the action subconsciously. What greeted you was the sight of a tall panting boy. Sweat on the sides of his head as he tried to catch his breath. "Thank heavens I caught up to you."

Lucas lifted his head up, a playful smile on his face as he looked up at you. Sicheng felt his breath get caught on his throat. A nervous and unsettling feeling resting on the pit of his stomach. He didn't like this. Not one bit.

"Lucas! What a surprise." Sicheng snapped his head towards you, a subtle look of disbelief as he noticed your smile. It wasn't like the others and it wasn't the one that was for him. This was different. Your cheeks were tucked to the highest point below your eyes, face beaming with delight. Happier. Lucas wasn't any different either. A small yet noticeable pink dust spread all across his face. His gaze focused solely on you as if in a trance.

Lucas breathed to his nose, bowing his head a bit before returning back to you. "Are we still going on Friday?" He asked, hopeful.

Sicheng could visibly see you elate with his words. His jaw clenched subconsciously as your whole face grew brighter. No. His palms grew hotter on his sides, his heart pounding nervously as he held on to your next words.

"Sure." And just like that, he felt his heart ache. His previous mood going down in the slumps in an instant. Still, he held his head up high. His face stoic and unwavering. From afar you wouldn't have noticed the storm in his eyes.

"That's great," He heard Lucas sigh in relief. They make eye contact for a brief moment, both of them narrowing at one another before breaking it abruptly. You fail to notice the quick exchange, wrapping your arms around Sicheng's and already pulling him away.

"See you on Friday!" You called out over your shoulder.

Right. Sicheng shouldn't fret. He is your best friend. He's known you ever since you caught him that fateful day with his bicycle. Lucas stood nothing against him when it came to you. He was confident. The air around him lightened as you rested your head on whatever part of his arm you could reach.

"I missed hanging out with you." You whispered. He knew you weren't looking at him. It was a habit of yours to avoid his gaze whenever you grow sentimental. "You're my best friend yet I feel like you're worlds away from me now." You continued. "We're okay, right?"

Sicheng turned to look at you, watching your face contort to a frown. He sighed. He shifted your bodies so the two of you faced each other. He took his arm out of yours before resting both of his palms on your cheeks. "We're okay. Okay?" You smiled sheepishly at his words, nodding your head. He pushed you to his chest, hugging you tightly. You could slightly hear his heartbeat relax, making you sigh. "You're my best friend. We've been through hell and back together. I don't think anything would change that."

He's fine. He assures himself. There had been plenty of guys before Lucas. Plenty that you have downright rejected: Xiaojun from highschool, Hendery during summer and many others after. He shouldn't be worried. In the many years he has known you, he was sure the two of you would end up together. He just needed the right moment.

Sicheng was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve. In fact, you've never actually seen him romantically with a girl. But whenever you felt down in the dumps, he was sure to give his all to you. He'd wrap you up close, shower you with attention and do everything he can to make you feel better. At the same time, Sicheng was also a very emotional kid. Oftentimes it was he who cried on your shoulders and you'd be there to listen. You were each other's support system. The very rock that keeps you grounded. From childhood and now as you both walk wherever.

This was the first time it began to collapse.

He felt the air get knocked out of his lungs, watching as the scene unfolded right before his eyes; the gleeful smile on your face, the mirroring adoration in both your gazes, and finally a chaste but unconcealable kiss. The obvious buzz of love and its first stages oozing out of the two of you and Sicheng could do nothing but watch it all happen.

Friday. He never thought he would hate a day like it. The day before the relaxation of the weekends. The day you used to come to his house for a movie marathon. The day you went back to him with the happiest smile he's ever seen on you. The day he finally lost everything.

Wong Yukhei. He clicked his tongue at the name. Jealousy growing in the deepest depths of his gut, eyes green and angry. Seeing his stupid smile and the noticeable look of triumph on his features. The boy holding you close. Then he looked at you; hair a mess because of the wind with eyes as bright as the sun.

DONG SICHENG NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU.

It was impossible. A scientific improbability. Not when you still come over during the weekends. Not when you still give him that smile. Not when you hold him so close that for a moment he fools himself to thinking it was all real. Not even when he raised his glass.

He glared at the small box on his hands. Tears brimming his eyes. He felt like he just crashed his bike all over again. Only this time, you weren't there to walk him home.

"A toast," he started, the low baritone of his voice grabbing everyone's attention, "to the newly wed couple, Y/n & Lucas."

It felt painful. Perhaps, the strongest pain he's ever felt. Years ago, he never saw this coming. He was fine. He was fine with all the other men that came into your life. Mostly because he knew no one could've compared to him and the bond you shared. He knew all your favorite movies, all your pet peeves, and everything that made you scared. Yet, he wasn't the one standing by your side right now. He wasn't the groom, the man you were going to spend your life with. He wasn't that.

"It's a miracle how you've managed to put up with her." It was a joke. "Lord knows I barely could." And another one. "Still, she's a very great person." That was real. "And I'm glad she's found someone to spend the rest of her days with." He was not. "We've spent the majority of our lives together as best friends. The day you helped me with my bike was the best day of my life. Lucas, you better take care of her or else." He warned jokingly, glaring playfully at the boy as he chuckled in reply and nodded his head. Sicheng could barely hold it in. "To the Wongs!"

And that was the end. A series of cheers and holler followed right after. You smiled at him and he could do nothing but return it. He watched you turn to Lucas and beam brighter. He sighed.

He wandered out, past the crowd of overjoyed relatives and friends. He pushed the balcony doors open, letting it fall to a close. The first drops of his sorrows slipping down carelessly and he did nothing to wipe them off. The wine in his glass reflected his pitiful expression and all he could do was stare before putting it down hastily. He didn't like the sight. It was over. It was all over. Isn't it?

He felt a strong pang in his chest and he found it hard to breath. He looked over disdainfully at the floor, fist clenched to his sides.

Why can't I move on?

[athenagrantnash]

I’m almost done with the final chapter of The Aftermath, so have a sneak peek.

Sneak peeks are un-beta’d

————————

(This sneak peek begins midway through the scene)

Athena closed her eyes, pushing back a wave of loneliness. As much as she needed to hide her struggle from her children, she wanted nothing more than to have them here with her.

She wished Bobby were here, but he had left a little while ago to go visit Buck to talk about fixing his broken case. With Bobby and her children all gone, her house felt big and lonely - as if nothing existed other than her fears and her self recriminations. A tear fell down her cheek as she fought back a fresh wave of guilt at the thought of what she had done to Buck - feeling as if she was losing grip of her control.

Bobby had asked her if she had wanted to come with him to visit Buck, but she’d declined. She was the last person in the world Buck would want to see right now.

After a moment Athena pushed the dresser drawer closed, trying to push away her self-recriminations. No matter how guilty she felt, it wasn’t going to do Buck any good. She glanced out the window before heading back into the living room.

It took her a moment to register the jeep parked in her driveway.

Buck?

Without even stopping to think she rushed to the front door. She didn’t care why he was here, just that he was here.

Buck didn’t seem to see her as she approached his jeep. He was staring at the passenger seat of his car, as if he was seeing someone who wasn’t there, tears in his eyes.

“Buck?” she asked softly, putting a hand on the open window.

He jumped and turned toward her, and Athena had to fight back tears at the expression on his face. He seemed so lost and afraid - and so full of anger.

“I… I’m sorry,” Buck said, fumbling with his keys. “I know you don’t want me here. I just… I’ll go.”

Athena reached into the car and grabbed his arm gently. “I don’t think so Buckaroo,” she told him, hoping she wasn’t about to push him even farther away. “You are coming inside.”

Buck looked down a moment, a half smile crossing his lips for a moment before it was replaced with a frown. “I don’t want to impose.” He sounded bitter, and Athena’s heart ached for him. This was all her fault.

“Buck, having you here is never an imposition,” she told him softly. “Now let’s go.”

He nodded slightly as he obeyed her, stepping out of his jeep and following her numbly into the house.

“Is, uh… is Bobby here?” he asked as she shut the front door behind them. “I… I know he doesn't… that neither of you…”

Tears came to Buck’s eyes, and Athena’s heart broke as he wiped them away roughly.

“Buck,” she said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away from her touch and hurried down the stairs away from her. Her heart ached as she followed him down.

“I know he doesn’t believe in me anymore,” Buck said brokenly. “But I don’t know who else to turn to.”

“Buck, look at me,” Athena told him. She expected no argument, and he didn’t give her one as he turned to face her. She wanted to gather him in her arms like she would for May or Harry, but hesitated - right now that would only push him away. “Bobby has never stopped believing in you - either in your capabilities, or in your heart.” she told him gently. “And neither have I.”

Buck scowled, swallowing harshly. “You don’t need to lie to me Athena,” he said bitterly. “We all heard what you said at that hearing. I’m irresponsible, careless, and untrustworthy, remember?” His eyes were filling with tears, and he backed away from her. “I shouldn’t be here…” he murmured to himself.

“Buck, take a seat.” Athena told him, proud her voice didn’t betray her inner turmoil.

Buck sat.

Athena hesitated a moment, torn between not wanting to burden him with her struggle and needing to tell him the truth, before she finally sat down at the table next to him. He looked away from her, pointedly avoiding eye contact.

“Bobby isn’t here,” she told him, “because he’s on his way to your apartment to see you - to try to help fix your case.”

Buck glanced at her, frowning slightly. “What?” he asked hoarsely. “Why would…”

“Because we never stopped believing in you, Buck,” Athena interrupted. “What you heard at your hearing wasn’t true.”

Buck clenched his fists. “Then why would you say it?” he demanded, angry tears coming to his eyes. “You knew how important this case was, and you still ruined it!”

“Because,” Athena hesitated. She had to tell Buck the truth; had to let him know how much she believed in him. But every fiber of her being wanted to refuse to admit her frailty even to herself - much less to Buck. “Because I didn’t remember what was happening.”

Her voice cracked slightly as she fought back another wave of guilt.

Buck stared at her blankly. “What?”

Athena smiled faintly. “Apparently there are some long-term effects after being attacked twice in quick succession. One of them is memory lapses.” She reached out and placed her hand on his forearm, and this time he didn’t pull away.

“You mean…”

“I thought I was telling Judge Forster that it was a bad idea for you to rejoin the team while on blood thinners,” she told him softly.

Buck faced her fully, his expression conflicted. “You… you don’t think…” he trailed off, and Athena could feel him trembling. “You don’t actually think I would intentionally put Christopher at risk?”

Athena’s heart broke. “No, Buck… I don’t.” She looked down for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “Buck, you are one of the kindest, most honorable people I have ever known in my life,” she finally said. “And I’ve had a lot of years to know a lot of different people,” she added wryly.

“I am?” Buck looked like he could barely believe what she was saying.

“You are,” she said, squeezing his arm gently. “So many young men like you would do this job for the thrill, or for the adrenaline rush. But not you. You do it because you look at all the sad, miserable people in the world and you want to be there for them when the worst day of their life happens.”

Buck’s eyes were bright with tears, and Athena struggled to hold back the tears in her own eyes. “Your first instinct is to care, Buck,” she continued, “And you never stop caring. I can guarantee there are people alive today who only made it because you refused to give up on them. And that kind of person is the most trustworthy person in the world.”

Athena wiped away a tear that had stubbornly fallen down her cheek as she continued. “You have grown so much over the years that I have known you, Buck.” she whispered. “And there is nobody who I would trust more to protect or take care of those who need it - Christopher included.”

Buck sniffed and rubbed his arm roughly over his eyes, wiping away tears. “Um… I didn’t know you thought that highly of me,” he said hoarsely.

“Well I do,” she told him. “And I want you to promise me to remember that.”

He nodded. “Thanks, Athena.”

She smiled gently. “Anytime, Buckaroo.”