#and she can't help but mention every two seconds that she's so much older than me she's SOOOOO old she's a grown woman sooooo so oooo old

[bisexualgoth]

i love my work bestie but she's so fucking annoying sometimes fucking hell

[thevoidstaredback]

True to their word, the second the sun finished setting over Amity Park, Illinois, the ghosts fled the town.

This presented several problems. The most pressing of which was the fact that they now had a Missing Persons case to deal with where the prime suspects have just fled the area. The second problem was that the Justice League had no way of tracking any of the ghosts.

Superman had cleared all of the US Bases in Europe, Asia, Australia, and Africa. The Flash had managed to clear all the US Gov. Bases in every state East of Idaho, Utah, and Arizona. No leads anywhere.

The ghosts were quiet as they left the town. So quiet, in fact, that the only reason the Justice League and the two accompanying JLD members even knew they were leaving was because they saw them leaving. And even then, they'd been fading out of visibility, so they'd had to rely on Red Huntress's confirmation that they were leaving.

Robin had taken his team, Young Justice, into the town to work rescue and touch base with Red Huntress in person. They were also given the charge on looking for Daniel Fenton. Just because the primary suspects had fled didn't mean that the trail was cold.

"Do we have any way to track them yet?" Batman honest to god growled to Constantine and Zatanna.

Constantine, honest to god, growled back. "Not since you last asked two minutes ago!"

"Lay off, B!" Zatanna snapped, "We're doing our best, and your hovering isn't helping!"

The Dark Knight switched bases, tuning his comm back to listen to Superman and The Flash. "Any luck, you two?"

"Nope," Superman sighed, "I'm just finishing up in Alaska and Canada. There's not even a hint as to the US Gov. knowing anything about magic, let alone another dimension." There was a brief pause. "I'm heading down to Africa next."

Batman grunted in response, filing the information away. Whoever was covering these tracks was good. Way better than the US. Government usually was. They could've outsourced, but they're not that stupid. "Flash?"

"Nothing on my end," he whispered back, "I've just finished checking Idaho, Utah, and Arizona; I'm in Nevada now. I'll be heading down to SoCal before moving up to finish in Washington."

Again, Batman grunted his affirmation. How were these guys staying so hidden? And how were they keeping a ghost trapped? Hopefully, they'd managed to corner the people they were looking for. If not, well, he didn't think there was time to do another sweep of the world. It's been a day already, and a lot can happen in a day. A lot more can happen in two days. Three is pushing it. Any more than three days and they risk an actual war, more than they already are.

Batman didn't sigh as he switch comm channels again. "Nightwing."

"Batman." Nightwing responded with equal stoneyness.

"Anything to report?"

"There's no Government bases in Bludhaven. Not official, not shady. I've been over the entire city twice now."

"Let me know if that changes."

"Fuck off."

He switched channels again. "Oracle, anything on your end?"

"Nothing," she answered, "Nothing in Gotham that needs your attention, though there are rumors about another Arkham break happening within the next week. As for your JL case? Also nothing. Though, there is a weird firewall around pretty much any information around Amity Park that I can't get through."

"Turn in for now, Oracle, I'll have Cyborg take a look at the firewall."

"Alright, B. Goodnight." She clicked off, but Batman knew she wouldn't be turning in for a few hours.

Batman switched back to his empty channel. Before deciding against it and connecting to Robin. "Report."

There was a few seconds before Robin answered. "Other than Daniel 'Danny' Fenton, everyone else in town is accounted for. All of the ghosts are gone. We tried to get a look at the rifts that Z and Constantine mentioned, but Jasmine Fenton - Daniel's older sister - won't let even her parents near it. Did you know that it's in their basement? What a stupid-"

"Robin."

"Right. We don't know where the second rift is, but there's nothing coming from either of them. I think it's safe to assume that nothing else is going to be coming out right now."

"Red Huntress?"

"Is running recon with Superboy over the town. They'll be back in a few minutes."

"And the rest of you?"

"We're at Town Hall."

"Good. Daniel?"

"His trail's cold. Jasmine Fenton was the last of his family to see him yesterday, but that's all we've gotten from her or her parents. We did manage to find two of his friends, Samantha 'Sam' Manson and Tucker Foley, but they claim to have not seen him since yesterday afternoon."

"You believe them?"

"Hard not to. We don't really have much to go on other than 'missing boy that no one has seen in nearly twenty-four hours'. And with no peaceful way to look at either dimension rift, we're a bit stuck."

Batman hummed. "Keep working on it." He switched back into his open channel.

Robin had specified that there was no 'peaceful' way of looking into the rifts. Without the ghosts, then the only things in the way were Jasmine Fenton and the unknown location of the second rift. He could break into the Fenton residence and incapacitate Jasmine to look at it, but he'd have no idea what to look for. Sneaking Zatanna or Constantine in with him will be too hard to be convenient.

"Zatanna?" he asked.

The magician was obviously beyond irritated, but she responded. "What."

"Do you know where the two rifts are?"

"Under the Fenton house and under the mayor's house, why?"

"Hm." Interesting. Why does the mayor have a rift under his house? It doesn't excuse either of them, but the Fenton's have made it because they're ghost hunters. What does the mayor need one for? He called Cyborg. "I need you to crack the firewall over information from Amity Park Illinois."

"Anything else?"

"Look into the town's mayor for me."

"Got it, Batman."

Part 4 Part 6

[mopopshop]

On and Off the Court

based on this request <-

words: 3.7k

summary: You've just been accepted for a sports medicine internship at the University of Connecticut, joining your best friend Sue Bird. As you meet Diana, you're quickly warned about her romantic habits. Will this warning be enough to keep you away?

made an OC for this one, hope you guys enjoy and lmk how we’re feeling about the DT stuff and if I should keep making it 🙏🏾

as always my requests are open so send me anything you guys want to see, please enjoy!!💕

UConn Campus: 2002

Securing the internship at UConn had been a long shot, but you had never been one to back down from a challenge. The application process had been rigorous—endless forms, letters of recommendation, and a nerve-wracking interview. But when the call came through, informing you that you’d been selected as an athletic trainer intern for one of the most prestigious women’s basketball programs in the country, you knew it was all worth it. 

Sue was right there with you too, she’d already been attending UConn two years prior to your application but she was the one who encouraged you apply in the first place. She knew your love for sports medicine and what’s greater than having your best friend study that at your school? 

You first met Sue Bird during a summer basketball camp, you’d dabbled in the physical sport before deciding on sports med. She was the cooler older girl who’d taken you under her wing and from then on you were inseparable and the rest is history.  

Sue had been the one to drive you on campus for your first day, she helped you move into your dorm and now she was showing you around the UConn practice facility. 

As you walk beside her, she points out players, giving you a quick rundown of who’s who. And then she mentions, almost casually, "And that’s Diana. Lemme introduce you real quick."

Your eyes follow her gesture to see Diana, tan freckled skin and a slick back curled bun, who's shooting three-pointers with an ease that defies logic. There's an intensity to her that draws you in immediately.

"Aye, D! Meet the new intern," Sue calls out. Diana pauses, her gaze shifting towards you. She walks over, her confidence apparent in every step.

"Hey, I’m Diana," she says, extending her hand. You shake it, feeling a jolt of something you can't quite identify.

"Yeah! I’ve heard a lot about you, I’m Nora" you manage to say, your voice steady despite your racing heart.

She gives you a once over, nodding and biting her lip lightly “Nora, that’s a pretty name”

You flush and go to respond but Sue quickly cuts you off, clearing her throat.

“Alright! Um we’re gonna… I’m gonna show her around the rest of the place.” she makes an awkward thumb gesture, pointing down a hallway and quickly ushers you away, not even giving Diana a chance to respond. 

“Do you think D’s hot?” She blurts out once you get to one of the med rooms.

“Huh?!”

She groans, rubbing a hand over her face “ D’s… she’s like- well she’s..”

“Spit it out Sue” you shove her lightly 

“She like-  she sleeps around! I don’t know, I just got vibes that she thinks you’re cute and as your self appointed big sister and very best friend I don’t need her breaking your heart”

“You got all that from a three-second conversation??”

“Well no- but also yes, look.. all I’m saying is I know my teammates and I absolutely know you, as much as I love D don’t fall for her lesbian flirty tactic thingys”

“Lesbian.. flirty… tactic… thingys…”

“Yes!”

“Sue you sound crazy but sure”

—————————

Your next few weeks at UConn are chill as you settle into your role, finding a rhythm in the fast-paced environment. You spend your days taping ankles, stretching out sore muscles, and learning from your mentors.

Even after what Sue said about Diana you can’t help but be attracted to her and honestly you feel that Diana reciprocates your feelings. These past few weeks you and Diana have only gotten closer, first it started with talking during practice, then getting food together after practice, and eventually hanging out at each other’s dorms.

One evening, Sue invites you to your first college party, eager to show you the social side of university life. You’re excited but also nervous, partly because you don’t know what to expect and partly because you can’t stop thinking about Diana. Despite Sue’s warnings, you can’t shake the feeling that there’s something real between you and Diana, something more than just casual flirting.

The party is at a popular off-campus house, and as soon as you walk in, you’re hit by the loud music and the sight of students milling about, drinks in hand. Sue is quickly pulled into a conversation with some friends, leaving you to navigate the crowded room on your own.

You grab a drink and wander around, trying to blend in and relax. Just when you’re starting to enjoy yourself, you spot Diana across the room. Your heart skips a beat as you watch her laughing and talking animatedly with another girl, her arm casually draped over the girl’s shoulders.

You tell yourself not to overreact. After all, it’s a party, and Diana is allowed to talk to whoever she wants. You start heading in her direction, hoping to get her attention but as you walk, Diana leans in and kisses the girl, a deep, lingering kiss that leaves no room for misinterpretation.

Your stomach drops, and you feel a cold wave of disappointment wash over you. Sue’s words echo in your mind, reminding you of Diana’s reputation. You turn away, trying to focus on anything but the scene unfolding before you, but it’s no use. The image is burned into your mind.

Feeling a mix of hurt and foolishness, you decide to leave. You make your way to the door, hoping to escape unnoticed. Just as you step outside into the cool night air, you hear Sue calling your name.

“Nora! Hey, what’s wrong?” She asks, her voice laces with concern.

“Nothing, nothing! Um.. just feeling kinda nauseous, I’m gonna head back but you have fun ‘mkay?” you reach up, giving her a hug “Thanks for bringing me, I’ll see you at the gym tomorrow” you spit out before rushing to your car.

—————————

After the party, you do everything in your power to avoid Diana, shrugging away from her flirtatious touches, opting to eat lunch with Sue instead, and finding any excuse to keep her from coming back to your dorm. 

One night after practice, you find yourself in the training room alone, organizing supplies. The door swings open, Diana walks in, and your heart sinks, you still have feelings for her despite everything and being alone with her doesn’t make you feel any better. 

“ ‘Sup, Nora,” she greets, her voice dripping with playful charm as if she’s completely oblivious to the change in your dynamic over the past few days. 

You force a smile, trying to keep up appearances despite the turmoil inside. "Hey, D"

She saunters over, her movements fluid and confident. "Just thought I'd swing by and see how you're doing. You've been kind of distant lately."

You swallow hard, struggling to find the right words. "Yeah, just busy with work and stuff."

Diana raises an eyebrow, her expression unreadable. "Is that all it is? Because it feels like there's something else going on."

You avert your gaze, unable to meet her eyes. "I'm fine, Diana. Really."

But she doesn't seem convinced, and you can feel her studying you intently. "Nora, whatever it is, you can talk to me. I'm here for you."

Her words stir something inside you, a flicker of longing mixed with frustration. How can she act so caring and yet be the cause of so much pain?

"I don't think that's such a good idea," you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

Diana takes a step closer, her presence overwhelming. "Why not?"

You finally look up, and your breath catches at the intensity in her eyes. She’s so close now, you can see every detail of her face, every freckle, and the way her lips curl into a slight, confident smile. The air between you is charged with tension, and you can’t help but feel drawn to her.

“I…”

You’re standing so close now, mere centimeters apart. You can feel her breath on your skin, and it’s intoxicating. Your body leans in almost of its own accord, the pull towards her undeniable. You can see the same desire reflected in her eyes, and for a moment, you think you might actually kiss her.

But then images of Diana and that girl at the party flicker into your mind. You take a shaky step back, breaking the magnetic pull between you. “I.. I don’t know, I’ve gotta get back” you laugh awkwardly, trying to play it off and rush towards the door “Um I’ll catch you at practice tomorrow!” and with that you go, leaving Diana standing in the training room alone and  confused. 

—————————

The next day at practice, the atmosphere between you and Diana is noticeably tense. You arrive early, as usual, to help set up and assist with stretches. You’ve managed to avoid telling Sue about this whole Diana debacle, trying to keep from her lectures.

As the team files in, you focus intently on your tasks, hoping to avoid any awkward interactions. But it’s impossible to ignore the magnetic presence of Diana as she walks into the gym, her eyes immediately seeking you out.

You try to act natural, going through your routine with the players. When it’s Diana’s turn, you lead her to the training room as she takes her place on the mat, and you approach with professional detachment, though your heart is pounding.

“Morning,” she says, her tone casual but her eyes betraying a hint of something more.

“Morning,” you reply, keeping your focus on the task at hand. “Let’s get started.”

As you begin to help her stretch, the proximity brings back the memory of the previous evening. Your hands brush against her skin, sending electric sparks up your arms. Diana doesn’t make it easy, her body language and occasional lingering looks making it clear she hasn’t forgotten either.

“You know,” she says quietly, “I’ve been thinking about last night.”

You swallow hard, trying to maintain your composure. “ D, we shouldn’t talk about this here”

She chuckles softly, a sound that makes your stomach flutter. “Maybe not. But we can’t ignore it forever.”

You don’t respond, focusing instead on finishing the stretch. But when you look up, her face is inches from yours, her eyes dark with intent.

“Nora,” she murmurs, her voice low and intimate. “I don’t know what’s going on between us, but I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Your breath catches in your throat, her proximity overwhelming. “Diana, we can’t—”

But before you can finish, she leans in, her lips brushing against yours in a soft, tentative kiss. It’s like a spark igniting, setting your senses on fire. For a moment, you forget everything—the warnings, the doubts, the pain. There’s only Diana, and the undeniable pull between you.

But just as quickly as it began, the moment is shattered as coach’s voice booms across the gym, down the hall, and into the training room, breaking the spell.

“Alright, everyone, get your asses up let’s get started!”

Diana pulls away, her expression unreadable. You’re left standing there as she runs back to the main practice area, heart racing, trying to make sense of what just happened. 

As practice continues, you struggle to focus, the memory of Diana’s lips on yours distracting you at every turn. It’s like a whirlwind of emotions, pulling you in all directions at once.

After practice, you find yourself alone in the training room once again, sorting through equipment as you try to process everything that’s happened. You’re still reeling from the kiss, unsure of what it means or where things will go from here.

Just then, the door swings open, and Diana walks in, her expression determined.

“Nora,” she says, her voice soft but resolute. “We need to talk.”

You suck in a sharp breath “D I have to go I’m-“

“No, Nora you keep running and we need to talk”

“Diana…”

“Just five minutes, please” 

Diana's voice is pleading, and you can see the sincerity in her eyes. Despite your reluctance, you can't deny her request. You nod silently, gesturing for her to take a seat as you settle into a chair opposite her.

For a moment, there's silence between you, the tension palpable in the air. Diana fidgets with her hands, her gaze fixed on the floor as if searching for the right words.

Finally, she looks up, meeting your eyes with a mixture of vulnerability and determination. 

“I’m just confused about what’s going on between us? I mean, your first few weeks here we were inseparable and then you do a 180° on me and pretend like I don’t exist? And then- then we almost kiss and then we do kiss I’m just.. I’m confused on who you feel here.” 

“You’re confused? Imagine how I fucking feel D, you flirt with me and call me pretty and take me out to eat and sleepover at my dorm and—all this other shit but turn around and kiss another girl? And on top of that you tell me you can’t stop thinking about me, It’s frustrating like just be honest” you rant, letting all your feelings from the past few months voice themselves.

Diana sits there sort of silent and you continue “Even fucking Sue warned me that’d this what happen! And I didn’t listen when I know I should’ve, it would’ve saved me all this confusion” you huff.

“Nora I…” 

Diana's voice trails off, and she runs a hand through her hair, clearly struggling to find the right words. She takes a deep breath and starts again, her eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that makes your heart race.

“Nora, I didn’t realize how much I was messing with your head. I’ve never felt like this before, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I was scared,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Scared of what?” you ask, your tone softer now but still edged with frustration.

“Of this,” Diana gestures between the two of you, “Of us, of how strong my feelings are for you. It’s easier to flirt and mess around than to face how real this is. That kiss at the party… it was a mistake. I was trying to convince myself that what we have wasn’t real, that it was all just in my head. But I can’t keep lying to myself, and I can’t keep hurting you.”

Her confession leaves you speechless for a moment, the sincerity in her words cutting through the fog of your emotions. You take a deep breath, trying to process everything she’s said.

Diana reaches out, taking your hand in hers. Her touch is gentle, but there's a desperate urgency in her grip. "Nora, I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to just please forgive me” 

You take a deep breath, glancing down at your intertwined fingers and feeling the weight of her words. Part of you wants to hold onto the hurt, to protect yourself from getting hurt again. But another part of you recognizes the sincerity in her eyes, the genuine remorse in her voice.

"D," you start, your voice trembling slightly, "I need to know that you won't hurt me like this again. If we're going to move forward, I need to trust you."

She nods fervently, her eyes shining with determination. "I promise, I swear on fucking everything, I promise."

A small smile tugs at your lips, the vulnerability in her words melting some of the walls you've built up. "Okay, but this has to be different. No more games, no more mixed signals. I need you to be honest with me."

"I will," she promises, her voice steady. "I want to make this work, Nora. Let me start with asking you on a proper date m. No more hiding, no more confusion. Just you and me."

You feel a flicker of hope in your chest, a warmth spreading through you at her words. "A proper date, huh?"

Diana grins, her usual confident demeanor peeking through. "Yeah, a proper date.“

You stand there silently, watching her sweat a little at your lack of response.

“So? You gonna ask me?”

“Wha- I thought I just did?” genuine confusion paints her face.

 “I’m waiting…..” you sing song, smiling

She rolls her eyes at your sarcasm, scoffing then takes both of your hands in hers “Nora Evans, will you please do me the honor of sharing a meal with me, outside of the facility, in a romantic setting, preferably under $40”

You chuckle nodding before glancing down at her lips. She leans in, her eyes sparkling with relief and excitement, and presses a soft, lingering kiss to your lips. When she pulls back, you can see the sincerity in her gaze, the promise of something real and honest.

—————————

Over the next few days, you and Diana take the first steps into your new relationship. It's a gradual process, filled with small, meaningful gestures—a shared laugh, a lingering touch, a whispered promise. The awkward tension that once filled the training room is replaced by a quiet, mutual understanding.

One afternoon, you both decide it's time to tell Sue. You've been dreading this moment, knowing how protective Sue can be. But it feels right, and you want your best friend to be a part of this.

You catch Sue in the dining hall, finishing up a study session. She looks up as you and Diana approach, a curious smile on her face.

"Hey, you two," she greets, her eyes flicking between you with an all-too-knowing look. "What's up?"

You glance at Diana, who nods encouragingly. Taking a deep breath, you start, "Sue, there's something we need to tell you."

Sue raises an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Oh? This sounds serious."

You exchange a nervous look with Diana, then take a step forward. "Well, Diana and I... we're kind of seeing each other now."

For a moment, Sue just blinks at you, her expression unreadable before she groans, smacking her hand on the table “Dammit, I owe Tamika $20 bucks”

You and Diana burst into laughter “What? You were betting on us?”

“She knew the second I told you not to date DT you were gonna do it anyways, shit” she sighs “I guess I’m happy for you though” she says jokingly.

“Oh whatever, Sue” you laugh

She looks up at Diana “If you hurt my best friend, just know I’ve got something in store for your ass”

Diana raises her hands in mock surrender, a playful glint in her eyes. "Got it, Bird. No need to send out a hit squad."

Sue narrows her eyes, leaning in for dramatic effect. "I'm serious. I've got connections."

You can't help but burst into more laughter at the exaggerated threat. Sue joins in, pulling both you and Diana into a tight, affectionate hug.

"Honestly, I'm happy for you guys," Sue says sincerely, giving you a squeeze. "Just be good to each other, alright?"

You nod, feeling a warmth spread through you. "We will, Sue. Promise."

———

lmk how you feel about this everyone! i kinda struggled writing it but in the end i like how it turned out

[dimepdf]

★  𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐌𝐄 '𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃. + 𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐌 𝐒𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐘

masterlist. / taglist. / any request? synopsis. when you initially asked Neteyam, the eldest Sully son who also happened to be smitten for you, for more assistance with your Na'vi knowledge, he was happy to help with a more hands-on approach.

���── ☆ notes. saw the new avatar and the way i had to pause and react and take in every detail cause it felt so short,, i cant wait for the 3rd movie to come out while im pushing fucking 40 or something with kids. | — feedback is always welcomed & don't forget to reblog 🤍

─── ☆ length. 2.8k (21 min read) .

─── ☆ genre and warnings. +18 nsfw under the cut. minors dni | mutual pining | friends to lovers | fem reader | pwp | porn with feelings | not movie canon | size kink | height difference | stretch marks | body worship | fluffy | confessions | monster fucking(?) | handjobs | fingering | grinding | manhandling | oral sex(f) | cute aftercare | not beta'd | title inspired by this song.

"You can't, Tuk!" Only grumbling at his two most annoying younger siblings who had been following closely behind him, Neteyam dismissed the two in the typical older sibling tone of irritation. 

Both of them were curious, like cats, to find out where he was going when he broke his patrolling routine and made the error of asking both their father and mothers for permission to spend the rest of the day helping you at the labs with your studies that you had been struggling with.

No matter how much he tried to pull both parents aside, at least one sibling had managed to eavesdrop, and then his plans of keeping it on the down low had fallen through like a domino effect. 

This was why Tuk was bouncing on her heels, trailing after her two bickering brothers, Neteyam and Lo'ak. "No fair!" She tantrums, adding to the chattering back and forth, "I want to see y/n too, how come you're the only one that gets to go?" 

With your parents being loyal scientists passionate for a change, standing alongside Jake Sully were a group of good hearted human beings that were allowed to stay on Pandora to live alongside the Na'vi colony. 

Given that you were the second less rogue lab baby, it was the story that set the stage for your loving and extremely intelligent life. 

Maybe it was the fact that you still had your two loving parents, ending up more bubbled and growing up to be more of a homebody constantly wrapped up in some sort of new experiment scattering around the lab despite working with people twice your age. 

Everyone had grown to feel like one big nerdy family within the lab walls. 

Neteyam tightly inhaled with his hand wrapped tight around the leather hand grip from the holster for his Ikran. He was starting to grow thinner and thinner with the patience of telling the little girl every excuse under the sun other than flat out saying that he just wished to spend time with you alone. 

Lo'ak, of course, had been no help in calming Tuk down; his motormouth only added fuel to the flame as he continued to pester him alongside her. 

"He doesn't want us to come so he can finally make a move on his girlfriend." The youngest boy teased. Lo'ak flinched away from his brother's attempt at kicking him in the shoulder with a knowing chuckle, the comment only made Tuk whine more in disgust.

Muttering an insult as he mounted his ride, Neteyam ignored the tightness in his stomach at just the mere mention of your name beside his hinting towards a romantic relationship; it was an odd pretty relationship you had with the eldest son.

“I won't be fawning, I'm just going because she asked me for help with her research.” Neteyam gave his siblings one more stern glare.

“And she's not my girlfriend.” 

Lo’ak doubled in laughter, fuel only added as Neteyam showed more signs of annoyance. “Research? For what, exploring each other's bodies?” Neteyam had only rolled his eyes at the lewd question, taking off just in time for Tuk to ask what the joke had meant. 

Neteyam had been to the labs a handful of times, whether it was to hang out with Spider, accompany Kiri to see her mother, or just keep a close eye on Lo'ak to make sure he would stay out of trouble.

But he felt like this visit was just different from all the others—more intimate, greeting the few familiar faces as you guided him by hand through the lab rooms. Ducking through doorways and crouching through cramped human sized halls to your quarters that had been cleared out for a separate space all to yourself. 

It had been an old rec room redesigned and rearranged to your liking to hold all your personal belongings and decor. What was notable to Neteyam was the lack of boring control panels, odd techy devices, and bland white furniture all over the rest of the lab. 

The usual white and blue alien sleeping pod had been swapped out for a netted hammock similar to the one he would use at home, making your room appear completely disconnected from the rest of the sterile and overly organized aesthetic. 

A long desk piled high with books and paperwork was located across from your resting place next to the hatch entrance door, taking up its own space next to the large window overlooking the forest below the cliff. Your desk served as a clear confirmation to Neteyam that you were as intelligent as you appeared.

To enter Neteyam had to duck down enough to fit under the sliding door frame. As he did so, he peered around your messy bedroom with big curious eyes, soaking up as much information as he could about the space you loved to lock yourself up in all day rather than with him. "Okay, so this is what I've got done so far."

He followed the slight gesture of your hand, following towards the splattered spread of canvas against the once white wall now covered in layers of small paintings and scribbled wordings, but there was once a portrait that had caught his eye the most, a towering blue warrior posed with a bow. 

You had painted him on your wall.

Neteyam exhales as his long fingers run against the textured wall, his ears folding back, expressing his hidden bashful feelings as he comes face to face for the first time with a beautiful mural of himself.

"Ah, don't touch it," The gentle grasp of his elbow draws his attention back to you, "it's still drying, dummy."  

Your entire hand could only manage to wrap around two of his large fingers as you used the bottom hem of your shirt to wipe away the smudged paint on his fingertips, the view allowing Neteyam to look down at you while swallowing at the peak of your midriff.

In a good way, your body was very different from his. In contrast to his towering frame, you were much shorter with skin a warm shade of brown rather than the light sky blue he was used to seeing around.

It was more enticing to Neteyam, you weren't like anyone else he was used to, not even similar to Spider. You were a woman for one, he couldn't help but find himself entranced by you just so soft and plush looking, especially as you stood before him collecting your art supplies from around your bedroom.

He liked the way you always seemed to exude confidence with every step you took. How whenever you were concentrating on a task, your expression would soften, biting at the skin at your lip enough to draw his attention to the shape of your lips.

“Okay, so sit for a moment.”

He does as you say and sits with his legs crossed in front of you while kneeling on the ground. He had managed to have a height difference that reached your collarbone even while he was seated while you stood in front of him. Neteyam felt a bit insecure under your studied, silent gaze, watching your eyes move down his body with an uncomfortable exhale.

It didn't help his anxieties much that you were a more hands on learner, blinking as your hand reached out to caress his face.

A shiver ran up his spine at the gentle brush of your fingers against his cheek. "Your marks are so distinctive, pretty," you complement breathlessly with the trace of your pointing finger against his temple.

His ears twitched, and before he could react, his tail wrapped itself snugly around the middle of your thigh and drew you closer to him.

He murmurs timidly, "Yeah, they're kind of just all over," Before his hands could rest flat on his lap, he gestures while briefly puffing out his chest.

His eyes were looking anywhere but yours, as he was almost close to purring under your gentle touch. He just couldn't trust how his body would react to anything else. It was a mental war, trying not to make it seem as if he was completely gawking at your body.

The lift of your shirt exposed that same part of your stomach that his eyes could only see but his hands longed so desperately to trace. Neteyam’s fingers twitched, making a fist before hesitating in his grasp on your hips, his palm engulfing your sides.

The sight of his thumbs not being able to touch caused him to let out a shaky breath.

You nearly fell over when he suddenly wrapped his strong hands around you. The only thing you noticed was the curious look in his large, yellow eyes that were raking up from your waist as you used his shoulder to help you ground yourself. "Can I see it?" he asks.

You took a moment to process what he was trying to ask before your other hand could instantly cover the pudge of your stomach. "Hm, sure." You finally nod, lifting your shirt just enough to reach the midsection of your torso. 

You had your marks in the form of a scar, a healed claw mark that stretched just below your rib, and a memory of the first time Neteyam nearly saved your life from a rogue Thanator that had wandered too far from its territory. 

His face winced as he tried to push back the dreaded feeling he still would get in his chest thinking back on that horrible day. His fingers stroke against the rough skin, gentle enough as if he were afraid that he would crush you between his fingers by accident.

"I'm sorry," he mutters shamefully. "I let it leave a mark on you." He felt as if he had taken an arrow to the chest, the clench that he felt nicking in his ribs with every flooded memory of having betrayed your parents and his trust by being unable to truly ensure your safety in his hands.

"I told you to stop apologizing. You saved my life, Neteyam." You reassure him, yet he would fail to feel the same way, his fingers continuing down the scar tissue low enough to reach the waistband of your pants. 

Neteyam’s fingers brush more towards your sides, his interest lingering at the hints of stretch marks on the skin of your hips. 

"And what about these?" Foreign were the marks embedded against your hips and the dance of his fingers as they dragged down the jagged lines under them, hidden under the waist of your pants. 

It was a daring request, meeting eyes with a soft gaze that had a flaming heat feel as if it were flowing through his veins. 

Peering down at him with a dark look that made the tug of his tail more inviting, you closed the distance, falling against him with enough reaction time to straddle his waist. “Aren't I the one supposed to be the one studying you?” you whisper 

“I don't mind, go ahead.” Your back arches as you encircle his shoulder with your arms and tuck yourself closer as Neteyam watches how you react. 

His hands had taken the place of his previous grasp on your thighs, his tail wrapped possessively around your midsection. “Ohe think ohe'm keye’ung love.”

The beating in his chest was dangerous, but so was the way you looked at him before your lips could meet.

Neteyam didn't consider himself to be much of a romantic, the closest he had come to experiencing true love was through the example of the close bond his parents shared.

But as he kissed you, suddenly it all just made sense.

When you pulled away, exhaling hard, all he could do was chase after your mouth. The proportions were only a bit off—not too much that either of you had any objections against—as he swallowed each moan and whine that would pull from your throat.

Neither Neteyam nor you have ever kissed anyone before, maybe it was the way it felt so right to just let each other's instincts take over, grasping and tugging each other tightly as if there were any possible way you could get any closer.

Pure lust was what had taken over as Neteyam felt you shiver under his fingertips, the tangle of your hand in his braids had sent a new, inexperienced spark through his body.

Neteyam hissed at the odd feeling that struck him like a wave. "Oh, sorry," you mutter with a lick of your lips, your arms still laced around him.

He hadn't understood what you were apologizing for at first until he had followed your pointed stare to his crotch. 

The feeling that had waved through him was now all too clear as you both glanced shyly at his bulging situation—that you had the guts to reach out and fondle before he could even process how to breathe once more. 

With a sigh of breath, Neteyam practically whines at the contact, too caught up with the pit forming in his lower stomach to feel the embarrassment he would have felt at the pitch of the noises that parted from his lips. 

You readjust yourself in his hold, wincing slightly at the death grip he had on your thighs. The small space you created was enough for you to fully get a better grasp on his length, disregarding the cloth that held his privacy and rubbing your thumb over the dark blue tip of his dick, smearing the precum that he oozed.

Neteyam doesn't know whether he wants to watch or squeeze his eyes shut, his expression pained, yet his body felt everything but. 

His breath was shaky, and his limbs were tensing with each fisted stroke. 

All he could do was tremble and moan as you jerked him off. "Ah, hold on, p–please." As he sagged forward and whimpered, Neteyam attempted to catch his breath.

His sudden deadweight forced you to fall backward onto your back, where you then caught yourself lying beneath him. You followed suit to the small moment of mercy, mostly for your own sake at the dull tiredness in your wrist.

Now that the position had not helped much to ease whatever was building up inside, Neteyam sighed at the newfound feeling of rutting himself against the soft skin of your leg that his dick was pressed against.

Wanting more of the skinship, Neteyam’s hands wandered to whatever they could grab, hearing you giggle slightly from the ticklish sensation. 

It was the guide of your hand wrapping around his wrist, guiding his hand lower past the waistband of your pants. He felt drunk watching the way your expression shifted at just the mere feeling of his long fingers finding just the spot where you needed him most. 

It was an otherworldly sensation that Neteyam was experiencing, feeling you tight around his fingers and pistoning in and out of you at a careful, almost unbearably slow pace with each thrust.

Even as you finished with your tense muscles clenching around him and a broken moan that made him shiver, a noise of encouragement would make him never want to stop praising you.

Once Neteyam got a look at his slick covered fingers, it was like a lightbulb had switched on.

Before you could even process the end of your orgasm, Neteyam had crawled down closer to your legs, leaning down desperately and tugging off your pants. Both of you still found the atmosphere light and comfortable enough to humor each other's eagerness. 

Your laughter faded into small gasps at the strength with which Neteyam had elevated you enough to bury his face into your pussy sitting crouched on his knees as if you weighed absolutely nothing.

The same tongue he used to shyly babble to you with is now showing its true talent as his fingers probe you open the twitch of your hips shift against his mouth, directing him straight to his tongue sucking at your clit. 

It doesn't take much strength for him to hold you in place, your entire lower half is lifted in his grasp, knees bent and held up against his shoulders, and you use your elbows to perch yourself up as your muscles clench from the pleasure of your orgasm.

Neteyam, who hadn't had much of a grasp on the ecstasy of climaxing, continued to suck and finger until you trembled all over and were begging out his name for mercy. 

He was practically boneless, and tears threatened to roll down your cheeks as he finally allowed you to collapse into a heap of putty mess flat on the floor.

You push out your arms lazily, beckoning Neteyam into your embrace as you tug him down to lay on his chest with each other's legs tangled together, panting the same breath. 

It was a comfortable moment of silence, listening to the matched rhythm of each other's heartbeat.

[unrefinedmusings]

no outbreak!joel miller x f!reader headcanons

warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, nasty situations, age gaps, dirty talk, strip clubs, threesome, mentions of infidelity, sexually forward behavior?, not proofread very well

a/n: blaming this one on ovulation and listening to hot stuff by donna summer on repeat. only one of the scenarios is told in second perspective, but feel free to think of all of them as you.

currently obsessing over a joel miller slut era

the outbreak never happened and sarah is off at college. being a father has been his greatest joy. he would not trade a second of his time with sarah for a more rebellious youth. but when joel is almost 45 and living in an empty house, he gets lonely. and bored. that's when he starts to notice. the fleeting glances. the overt stares. he never realized how much attention he got. so he lets his dick do the thinking for a while. who could blame him? people were throwing themselves at his feet. who could blame them?

some standout moments:

while shopping for a birthday present for sarah, joel walks into a boutique at the mall. it's a small store and a slow day. the girl at the counter perks up at the sight of him. she's not subtle, nearly salivating when he walks over to ask for help. she touches him way more than what is appropriate while giving an opinion on earrings. all he does is lick his lips in her direction before she's locking the front door and turning the shop sign to closed. he drags her into a changing room despite her suggestion of the back office. joel doesn't mind the size of the stall when it means he can watch her face while he pounds her from behind. when he finishes, he kneels to make her finish one more time on his tongue. "make sure to watch yourself, honey. look so pretty when you cum."

joel miller is neither stupid nor cruel enough to get involved in someone else's marriage...but that doesn't mean he can't have some fun. since entering the business, he's found that every bored housewife loves to flirt with the contractor. now he just lets himself flirt back. watch their cheeks flush when he winks across the room. see them turn their weddings rings around, as if not seeing a diamond will make him forget their husbands hired him. it gives him an ego boost knowing they'll think of him in their marital beds that night.

hank, one of the younger guys on his crew, is engaged and invites joel to his bachelor party. tommy insists he go, at the least so as to not come off as an unfriendly boss. the strip club is loud, and his beer is overpriced and watered down. none of that matters when he sees the little devil come out on stage. she's wearing a lacy red corset that's pried open, letting her tits bounce free. he palms his cock under the table when she spreads her legs wide for the audience, and chuckles when her horns don't fall off even when she's upside down. joel had always been impressed by the fancy spins and twirls, but what he loved most was watching a woman make love to the pole. she's gyrating against it like a cat in heat, even turning around and letting the smooth metal slide between her asscheeks. she saunters over after her show, slides into his lap and offers him a dance in a private room. the horns fall off while she's bouncing on his cock, chasing her orgasm as his fingers work her clit.

the one he should probably feel the worst about it is the least his fault. those girls were so eager. they zeroed in on him before he realized. joel wanted to get a beer after work, the two seniors from Texas A&M wanted to sow their wild oats. joel knew they were a little too young for him, but they insisted since neither had been with an older man or had a threesome before. both girls sidled up on either side of him at the bar, each slipping a hand onto his thighs. he can't feel that bad when he remembers what having two pretty young things kissing on his cock was like. what it was like lying in his bed, one on his cock and one sitting on his face. hard to feel bad about that.

his favorite occasion is the night he meets you. it's late. he's had an awful day. two guys on his crew called in sick and he had no time to eat. he stops at an old school drive in for a couple burgers. in his side mirror he sees you, sees your uniform: cropped white tee, short black skirt, and, oh fuck him, rollerskates. your tits jiggle as you come to a stop by the driver's side window of his truck. you catch him staring. he can't muster the energy to be inconspicuous. joel's gaze lifts to meet yours and sees the flirtatious smile you've got on. leaning against the door, you ask to take his order. "I'll get two burgers, some fries, and two shakes if you've got time, sweetheart. Only one if you got somewhere else to be." You take your break in his back seat sipping on a vanilla shake with his head between your legs. After you cum, he lifts your shirt up and jacks off on your tits. He makes sure to grab the panties hooked on your skates and tuck them into his jeans. When you ask for them back, he spanks your ass. "I'm coming back for another pair. When's your next shift?"

💕💕💕💕💕

Thanks for reading!

[emeritusemeritus]

Can I request studying with GoF twins for a new project they’re working on? Like with witty or flirty remarks before they start getting carried away? Just some fluffy young love. It sounds nice

You know GOF twins is my weak spot, that long hair has me drooling every time 🖤

Warnings: flirty banter, implied sexual remarks, mentions of underwear, teasing. More than friends, not quite lovers. Georgie is beautiful when he blushes. Fred has no chill.

Words: 1k

Questions Questions.

It's Saturday evening in the Gryffindor common room and for once it's pretty quiet, with most of the students third year and up still at Hogsmeade. Naturally, the twins and you had crept out earlier that morning through the passageways you knew like the back of your hand to Zonkos, before the rush of the school trip began. They needed some things for whatever they were working on, a new invention they were excited about, something you were trying to help them with.

It was peaceful now, the fire roaring, the proximity between you and the twins. You'd been best friends for years, practically since the moment you stepped onto the Hogwarts Express for the first time and it was no secret that you'd gotten a little closer with the twins over the years, your relationship changing as you got older.

"Can you invent anything that makes Ron's robes look not-nauseating to the female population?" You joke, leaning across to watch Fred's nimble fingers messing about with the contraption he was building. Fred pauses, letting out a belly laugh and George giggles along, face scrunching up in the cutest way.

"Ha! 'Fraid not princess," Fred says with a smirk, getting back to work whilst George makes some notes on a piece of parchment.

"What are you wearing?" George asks, briefly looking up at you, over your body, before jotting something down with his worn down pencil.

"George Weasley! You can't ask a lady that!" You say with a smirk, knowing that pointing out the secondary meaning of his words would rile him up. It works almost instantly, his cheeks heating up to a beautiful pink colour that you take great pride in. Fred snorts out a laugh, flicking his eyes between your delighted face and his brother's blush whilst he tinkers.

"So," Fred drawls out, voice dropping to dangerously flirty whisper. "What are you wearing?" He winks, looking at you up and down as if he had Mad-eye's magic eye to see under your clothes. You can't help but smile at him, his effortless boyish charm always flowing in abundance when he teased.

You raise one eyebrow, testing him and he simply smiles back with a little shrug.

"You said George, gotta be more specific princess."

You laugh along, nudging him slightly on the shoulder, the two of you sharing a little moment as your eyes fix on each other.

"I meant to the Yule Ball," George says quietly, still recovering from his little faux-pas. You turn to George and give him a little smile, always the sweet one.

"Oh I don't know yet," you answer honestly. Truthfully you hadn't really given it much thought, what with the tournament, your homework and helping them with their business, both the inventions and the gambling.

"Not got a date?" Lee pipes up behind you, appearing from over Fred's shoulder as he throws himself down onto the sofa next to George.

"Shove off Lee," you laugh, fixing him with a little mock glare.

"She's got two," Fred says proudly, his smile wide even though he doesn't actually look up from his work. Lee is called away only a few minutes later by someone in the second year and he leaves the three of you alone again, huddled close in the corner by the fire.

"I'm sure whatever you wear you'll look great," George says shyly, "I mean you look great all the time."

"Especially in that sundress," Fred chimes in, mentioning the dress you'd worn the last time you were at the Burrow in the summer. Both Fred and George had commented multiple times about their approval of the dress.

"Well unfortunately for you both, that dress and my yule ball dress are staying on. Guess you'll just have to imagine my underwear Eh Georgie?"

Fred let's out another boyish laugh and George blushes again, smiling to himself.

"So what are you actually working on?" You ask, realising that you didn't actually know what he was crafting, somehow missing the memo on this future prank.

"Never mind that, what colour's your underwear?"

"Fred!" George chastises his twin, even though he's laughing too.

"Red," you reply causally, watching carefully from the side of your eye to see their reaction.

Fred is rendered speechless, something you've never seen before and you're pretty sure you could see a blush forming underneath his drooping bangs, though he tries to hide it. George's mouth had transformed into a little 'o' which he fights to hide pretty quickly and to make matters worse you shoot him a little wink, which brings back the colour to his cheeks.

You sit for a while, falling into a comfortable silence, the three of you working on your divided tasks. You notice Fred wafting his long hair out of his face for the third time in an minute and decide to help him out.

"You'll never see anything like that, come here," you say, twisting around on the sofa and reaching up to gather his hair in your hand. It's soft and smooth, the perfect length for a small ponytail, even the slightly shorter front bits gather nicely until the hair obstructing his view is all out of his face.

He flashes you a thankful smile and for a moment it takes your breath away. Merlin he's gorgeous.

"You gonna plait mine next?" George teases, pulling you away from your focused gaze until you glare at him playfully. Only when you turn around do you notice that Lee has joined you all again, dropping some coins into the briefcase, having apparently been selling.

"Feeling left out Georgie? I'm thinking pigtails for you," you joke, earning a mock laugh from George but his sweet smile after let's you know he enjoys the playful banter. "Actually, please let me," you add with a pleading look in your eyes, actually wanting to get your hands on his hair.

"Only if you tell me something," he barters, smirking at you. You frown but nod anyway.

"Does your bra match your underwear?" He asks casually, as if he was asking for the time. He gives you the cheesiest smile he can and you burst out laughing at his supposed 'payment'. Fred bursts out with another laugh, completely ignoring the thing he was trying to construct as he throws his head back with a laugh.

"Rotten boys," you mumble, looking between the two giggling twins, never more thankful that this is your life.

[lushlovers]

Xbox Withdrawals, J Burrow

summary; the burrows decorating their beautiful home for christmas and dallas being the equivalent of the grinch :).

warnings; swearing, dallas the sass master, joe being sad for two seconds, tooth rotting fluffffff

word count; 1k

note; i hate this sm but i had to put out something. thank you all so so much for the recent love on my works, and for 55 followers on here?? if there's anything you guys have in mind that you want written send it my way, i need some ideas!!

"Alright, everything Christmas-ish is down from the attic, as requested, mama," Joe informed you, waltzing into the kitchen with a very unhappy looking Dallas in tow. He probably was put to the slightest work by his father, now he'll be a sourpuss for the rest of the morning.

Annika sat comfortably on your hip, staring up at her father with your same eyes. She was your twin and Joe loved it. The boys were spitting image of him, just with your complexion. He loved to see your little mini me's running around your house.

You hum in return, pressing a kiss to his cheek as a thank you, "ew," Dallas is always cringing at the slightest contact his parents make. Being like every seven year old ever. Geo comes in to see what he missed out on while he was watching his cartoons, "Mama, up!"

"I can't pick up both of you, baby. Anni's getting too big for that." He turns to your husband after your response, and he's scooped up before he even has to ask, but instead of Joe holding him, he sits him down on the counter, "My back is killing me," you groan, getting older is actually the worst thing ever.

"I can tell it's raining, my knee's killing me," Joe mentioned, stretching out his leg the best he could. After surgery it absolutely kills him in the cold.

Decorating in the house was an all day affair, no matter how fast you all tried to get it done, having a seven month old and a five year old running around was a challenge on the daily, let alone when there were glass ornaments sitting out as you placed them along the tree.

Unfortunately, baby Annika has figured out she can pull herself up on the coffee table in the living room and mess around with whatever may be on top of it. Once it's in her hand, of course it ends up in her mouth, some way somehow, especially since her gums bother her so much with teething.

Joe and Dallas had both volunteered to set up the lights on the bushes outside and around the trees, the rest up higher would be taken care of when there's no little ones around who could possibly climb up a ladder or something along those lines.

Going out and looking for a tree was probably the easiest part in all of this, the whole Burrow family got together and did it as a family. Having Joe's brothers and their wonderful families around to blend with your own was something beautiful to watch, especially seeing them all get to grow up side by side. You were the same way as a kid, always hanging out with your cousins.

Thankfully, today Annika has decided not to throw her tantrums or break something on the table whilst you decorate the tree, she even wanted to help the best she could. She reached out for the sparkly red bulb in your hand, to which you perched her upon your hip, taking her hand in yours and hooking it onto one of the beautiful branches.

Geo was hooking them onto it as well, pointing to each one he did searching for praise on the good job he was doing at being a helper, and you are quick to praise his skill every time just because it makes him smile. He's such a little bundle of energy and smiles no matter the time or place. Dallas too usually, but he's in a sassy era at the moment.

Speaking of, he comes inside, this time with Joe following him, kicking his shoes of with even more attitude than before, he'd gotten really accustomed to being on his Xbox all the time, but that was nipped as soon as he got too comfortable sitting around on it all the time. His playing hours are limited, especially when Joe's home. He loves spending time with the boys whenever he's capable.

"He's still mad about the Xbox?" You ask, already knowing the answer, of course he is. Joe only nods, flopping down onto the couch, Dallas had disappeared somewhere upstairs, most likely on his game despite him not supposed to be. "I just don't get why he doesn't wanna spend time with me," he muffles, but you understand what he said perfectly.

"He does, baby," you frown, sitting yourself down beside his head, "He talks about you all the time, to everyone. Even at school, all his teachers know who you are. It's just.. He's a boy in this century, thats all he does is sit on that game for hours." You're telling him the truth, that's all Dallas really likes to do.

"How about you go and join him, while us three finish the tree, then we can all come watch?" He lifts his head, smiling big and pearly at your great idea, causing his eyes to crinkle a bit. He nearly jumps up and trips over something on his way to the stairs. How had he not thought of this yet?

Geo had barely paid any attention to your conversation with your husband, only continuing to add the glittering tinsel along the tree, being sure to pick up the little pieces he'd managed to drop, "Mama, doesn't it look so pretty?" He's asking again for your validation and you happily oblige.

"It's gorgeous, baby. You did a great job helping mama."

[hrts4soyeon]

love?

giselle x fem!reader

genre: angst

warnings: super toxic relationship, manipulation, cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of alcohol, infidelity

synopsis: everything started out so well, your relationship with giselle was amazing. she changed so much, she changed for the worse. with all that she did to you you couldn't help but wonder, was this really love?

word count: 2,508

a/n: i posted this but then i really didn't like it so i changed it and now i like it🤗🤗

You were a part of (G)I-dle but before that you had been in Produce 101 with Soyeon. You were the youngest in Produce 101, having been 14 when you went on Produce along with Soyeon and Eunbin. You were exceptional in both singing and dancing, even though you were so young you had managed to keep your position in a class (b at the lowest) throughout the entire show. Before Produce 101 you hadn't had many friends seeing as you spent all your time training. Sure you had Soyeon, but she was more of an older sister to you than a friend.

When you joined Produce 101 and met Somi you were overjoyed, you finally had someone your age that you could relate to and talk to. From the moment you joined Produce, Somi caught your eye, and after one conversation with her you knew you two would get along very well. She completely matched your personality. You and Somi had been very popular after the episodes were aired as both of you didn't lack in visuals or talent. Sadly you hadn't been popular enough and didn't make it to debut with Somi. Despite this, your determination to debut and become famous never faded, telling yourself it was better like this and that you’d debut with Soyeon instead.

Ever since their debut you had been a huge fan of aespa, having listened to all their songs and bought all their albums. You had spoken out about it too, how much you loved aespa and their music. Most of all, you loved one japanese member in aespa. Ever since you heard their first song it was her voice that caught your attention, and when you saw her? You knew you had to have her, you wouldnt rest until you did. 

Somi coincidentally had been good friends with Giselle too, and after a lot of begging she finally introduced you to her. You and Giselle completely hit it off, at the first meeting you two were already planning the second. 

After having met, you two were inseparable, with her always being at your dorm and you at hers. With how close you became with Giselle in such a short time, it was no surprise to any of your friends when your friendship progressed to more.

When Soyeon was first told of your relationship with Aeri being more than friends, she became very wary of the girl. She considered you her younger sister and had heard a lot of rumors about Aeri and all her flings with girls. Aeri was known to be a rumored heartbreaker, having a new girl every week. The last thing Soyeon wanted was for you to end up with a broken heart. She also knew how easily manipulated you were and the thought that someone would use you made her sick.

“Aeri where were you?! I've been waiting literal hours for you, you promised you wouldn't do this again!” you yelled as soon as Aeri entered her room. 

Today was one of the rare off days you both had and she planned a date. You were left waiting at the restaurant for 2 hours telling yourself she would come any minute, minutes turned to hours and you eventually realized she wasn't coming. 

You felt humiliated, stood up at the reservation she made. After confirming with Karina that Giselle was indeed off today you went to the aespa dorms and just waited in Aeri’s room. 

“Get off my back holy shit, you're so dramatic. So what I had other things to do and I forgot we can reschedule.” she responded starting to get mad, who were you to yell at her. 

“This is literally the second time you’ve done this, why can't you consider my feelings and how i must’ve felt getting stood up twice.” you tried to reason, make her understand why you were upset.

“Literally shut up oh my god, if all you’re gonna do is complain get the fuck out of my room and leave. I'm tired. It's been a long day, either get in bed and sleep or go back to your dorm. I really don't care.” Giselle said as she stripped from her current clothes and put on her pajamas. 

“I fucking hate you.”

“Get in bed”

And that’s exactly what you did, you laid down and turned your face away from her, you laid at the very edge of the bed trying to get as far away from her as you could. You wanted her to know that you were upset and werent gonna cuddle. In response to this she simply put an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to her body, spooning you. This is what would always happen, and you would let it happen. this was her way of resolving fights because she knew you could never refuse her. 

The next morning when you woke up Giselle wasn't there next to you, in place of her laid a small note declaring her love for you and how she would take you out again. But she didn't apologize, she never did.

Giselle was someone who simply couldn't accept their mistake, her pride never allowed her to. It was as if she was allergic to apologizing, even if she wanted to she couldn't ever bring herself to apologize. The thought of her having to bend down and admit she was at fault? Never in her wildest dreams would she do that, she had too much of an ego to ever admit that she was at fault.

That same day Giselle had gone to your dorm when the time was nearing midnight. Showing up with a bouquet of roses in one hand and a basket in the other. 

“Wait right here.” she said as you two arrived at the park near your dorm. 

You watched as she quickly ran over to a spot that was out of your sight, you assumed that there had been a blanket (maybe some snacks) in the basket. Either way you didnt move from the spot she had left you at. feeling excitement growing in your chest the longer she took.

You wished and hoped she had set up something big but you tried to stay realistic and not get your hopes up too high. you told yourself that she might be having troubles with setting up the blanket.

When it almost seemed like too long of a wait time (only a couple of minutes had felt like forever) she came back excitedly telling you to cover your eyes, to which you did as she led you towards where she had been. You couldn't help but feel excitement when she did all this, you had seen this scene multiple times in movies and you couldn't help but wish this would be like the movies

She tapped your shoulder and told you to open your eyes when you two arrived at where she had been. As your eyes opened you couldn't help but let out an automatic gasp at the sight of everything. It was exactly like the movies. She had led you into a small area completely surrounded by bushes and a couple of trees that she had covered in fairy lights. It was completely concealed from anyone else, being a small personal space for the two of you. On the grass she had laid a pastel blue fluffy blanket and on that she had a bunch of your favorite snacks, her laptop, and a bunch of pillows. 

“I found this place when i was still a trainee and i haven't told anyone about it so i guess it could just be our little spot from now on.” she said as she waited for you to jump on her and shower her with compliments for being so sweet and planning all this. 

“I love you sosososo much this is actually so amazing and thank you so much for planning this!” you said as you went to kiss her. 

After breaking off the short lived kiss she sat down on the blanket and patted the spot next to her. You sat down wordlessly as she opened her laptop and put on mean girls, a movie that was favorited by you both. You both laid back and ate as you watched the movie happily. You felt like a character in a movie or book, you loved her so much and you couldn't believe she had been this thoughtful. 

Before you knew it the movie had already ended and as you checked the time on your phone your eyes widened. It was already 2am and you had a schedule tomorrow, you pondered on leaving right now and getting some sleep but ultimately decided against it. You'd rather stay with Aeri, sleep was overrated anyways.

You woke up the next morning to your phone ringing, lifting your head from Aeri’s chest and drowsily answered the call. You were immediately woken up by the shouting of your roommate Yuqi on the other end.

“Where the fuck are you?! I told Soyeon you were in the bathroom but you’ve now been in the bathroom for 10 minutes to her! Get the fuck back right now before she kills both me and you!” Yuqi yelled at you through the phone

“Okay, okay I'm sorry.” you replied before hanging up at checking the time on your phone, whispering curses when you realized you had 20 minutes to get back to the dorms and get ready.

Hearing all the noise you were making, Aeri woke up and tiredly asked you what had happened and you quickly explained the situation to her. She immediately got up and grabbed her laptop and your hand to walk you back to your dorm. You both walked back in a comfortable silence as she was still half asleep and you were stressed out of your mind. 

“Thank you for last night babe, i love you.” you kissed her goodbye as you two arrived at your dorm. 

And as if sensing you were there Soyeon opened the door of your dorm mid kiss and you immediately jumped away from Giselle. She just stared at you and told you to get in and ready seeing as you had close to 10 minutes left. You awkwardly waved to Giselle and Soyeon shut the door looking at you disappointedly she never approved of your relationship with Giselle.

You wanted to say something, but nothing was coming out of your mouth. You felt bad disobeying her but you loved Giselle. Why couldn't she understand that?

“why, why can’t i ever be prioritized? you always ditch me and it hurts. it fucking hurts to know you’re at a bar flirting with others and ditching me.” you sobbed out, you had lost count at how many times she had done this

she always did this, she always ditched you. at this point you didn’t even know why she kept you around. you loved her so fucking much it hurt, it hurt to stay with her. you wondered what you had ever done to deserve this, you had never been this bad to anyone. 

“babe no matter what i do i always come back to you no? you’ll always be my priority, i just like to talk to people. you know it doesn’t mean anything.” she said in a calm voice, you knew it was all an act, she was pretending to be sober. 

but you could taste it on her tongue when you kissed, you could smell the perfume of the girl she had just fucked on her dress when you took it off. you didn't know what to do.

you didn’t want to believe it. so you didn't, when you were left standing outside of her room hearing the moans of a girl that wasn’t you.

you just stood in front of the door, you didn’t make an attempt to stop what you knew was happening. none of the girls were home, if they were they never would’ve let you enter. they probably would’ve said some bullshit like Giselle was out. whenever they told you things like this you just left, you knew they were lies. you weren’t stupid. 

you knew any sane person would leave, but you weren’t sane, she made you insane. you loved her like crazy, you weren’t like this before, she changed you. made you the perfect girlfriend for her who never said anything. 

you sometimes wondered if you ever even had any self respect, it was humiliating, to know what she was doing yet actively doing nothing about it. 

when you first caught her with another girl you just stood there in shock, you didn’t know how to react. as if she could feel your presence, Giselle turned to face you, her fingers still deep inside the other girl. she didn’t stop though, she just stared at you while fucking the girl. and you just stood there crying, you were heartbroken. we’re you not enough? did you not do enough? did she not like you anymore? 

eventually when the girl noticed you standing there crying she pushed Giselle off of her apologizing to you saying she didn’t know Aeri had a girlfriend. apparently Aeri didn’t remember she had one, judging by her actions. 

“babe you know it’s only you that i love, sometimes i just need someone else to satisfy my needs when you’re away but they’re nothing. they’re nothing to me, you should be glad that i always end up back with you. you’re the one for me, they’re all just side hoes that don’t mean anything other than a quick fuck.” Giselle said as she approached you, her fingers still wet from the other girl. 

you didn’t know what to say or do so you just nodded and let her comfort you. 

You couldn't fathom ever losing Giselle, that was probably your worst nightmare, to have Giselle tell you she no longer loved you. You knew staying was terrible, maybe even worse than losing her. You were stuck in a never ending loop with her breaking your heart and you acting upset but ultimately letting it go. after a while you stopped getting upset, there was no point. talking to her was talking to a wall. 

You felt like you were suffocating keeping all your emotions to yourself, Soyeon already hated giselle, why would you want to add to the fire? Somi? Somi was Giselle's best friend, she probably only fell second to you. Your members? They would probably stop supporting your relationship with Giselle and be like Soyeon. 

Whenever you told yourself it’d be the last time for you to let what she was doing slide she would make it up to you extravagantly. How could you stay mad when she was trying so hard and doing so much for you. She could really fuck you up sometimes but she always knew how to make it okay afterwards. 

This wouldn't go anywhere, you knew that full well. She would never change and neither would you. in the end all you could do was take it.

[writemywaytoyourheart]

Bedeviled | Chapter 7: Adamantine

Pairing: demon!jungkook x female reader

Genre: E2L, romance, drama, angst, horror

WC: 8.6k

Warnings for this chapter: strong language, anxiety, mentions of a night terror, cruelty, physical violence, gore, blood, fear, frightening depictions of Hell and people in it, hopelessness, some tEnsiOn, pls kindly let me know if there's anything I missed. this chapter could be disturbing for some readers, pls read at your own discretion.

Previous

When you open your eyes, it's a little disorienting to see that the sky hasn't lightened any.

If anything, it's gotten even darker. You're not sure how long you were asleep. It doesn't really matter though, because no matter how much sleep you get, the exhaustion that has seeped into your bones won't be lessened. 

Not until you leave this place. 

"Give that Flame to your stupid little bastard friend, your ass is never leaving this place. Glad you finally figured that out."

You put your hands over your eyes, still lying on the ground. After a moment, you rub your eyes, then uncover your face. 

The first thing you notice is that the fire is no longer there. 

That might explain why it feels darker than it did when you fell asleep. 

The second thing you notice is that the rock he was lying on is empty. A quick glance around shows that he is, in fact, gone.

You sigh and rub the back of your neck as you sit up and look around once more. 

Your left wrist is starting to throb again, the bottoms of your feet already feeling swollen and tender even while you were asleep. 

Curling up and tucking your face into your knees, you try to conjure up the dream you were having, before it had turned into a hellish nightmare and woke you up. 

You were in the old swing; Tae was pushing you gently as you looked up through the tops of the trees. It lasted for quite a while. 

You and Taehyung were whispering and laughing about whatever the newest gossip in the village was that day. You met Tae on your tenth birthday, he was thirteen and new to the village. The two of you became friends quickly. 

The dream you were having took place when you were sixteen, there was so much to gossip about at the time. Your best friend was busy that day with something he refused to tell you about, so you and Tae went into the forest to kill time before getting to know the surprise. 

It felt like the dream lasted hours, it was so wonderful. 

You miss them. 

Your friends, your older cousin, the old swing. 

You can't wait to leave this place and see them again. 

"Apple!" The cheerful call reaches your ears, an echo of the dream.

Tears spring to your eyes as you lift your head and see nothing but dark dusty terrain that stretches on and on as far as the naked eye can see. 

"Apple!" The way the sound of your nickname being called morphs brings a pit to your stomach, "Apple!!"

His tortured screams bounce around in your head. 

"Help me!!"

You cover your ears, pushing against your skull with so much force you might actually damage your ears. 

If only you could rip them off. 

It wouldn't end the horrifying sounds cursing you with every breath you take. 

Please, make it stop-

"Looks like you finally decided to grace Hell with your consciousness."

You flinch and look up to see him walking towards you. 

"Bad dream?" He pouts at you in mock pity as you shakily bring your hands down. 

You need to take a second, not answering him as you just stare. 

"What? Don't tell me you're actually crying over a nightmare."

You wipe under your eyes to feel the salty tears that lay there. 

Forgot you were crying...

"Where were you?" You ask hoarsely. 

"Why? Afraid I might be escorting another little mortal girl through Hell?" A smirk spreads on his face, "Jealous, sweetheart?"

You shake your head, but don't bother to snap back. 

You're still trying to ground yourself and recover from the deep crevices in your mind that love to torture you endlessly. 

"You know, she's a lot more pleasant than you. We had a little fun in the second circle."

Your eyes snap to him and he laughs loudly at the fact that his little fib worked. 

"Uh huh, so you are the jealous type."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Even if I was," you gingerly check the bandages on your feet, "Why are you assuming you're the one I would be jealous over?"

"Your little boyfriend that can't take care of himself? That's who you'd be fighting the ugly green monster over? Pathetic," he spits. 

"Not my boyfriend," you remind him absentmindedly as you concentrate on your injuries.

"Well then, if you're not the jealous type, is he?" He asks curiously.

You nod, "Yup."

That makes his infamous smirk return as he watches you. 

"If you ever wanna have some fun, little mortal, let me know. Could get him to fall for you in seconds."

Your cheeks flush at his offer and you gulp, refusing to look at him. 

The next thing you know, he's crouching next to you, too close for comfort as he says, "You might not be throwing yourself at me, girl. But that doesn't mean you don't want to. If you think I can't feel your urges, you're wrong."

You look him dead in the eyes, "Why would I want anything to do with a demon that's done nothing but hurt me and use my pain against me in every way he can think of?"

"Because you can't resist me. But don't blame yourself, no human can," he whispers, leaning closer even as you lean away, "You're just dying for a taste, aren't you?"

The way his eyes flit from yours to your lips makes a horrible flutter in your tummy that you try to push down. 

He leans so close that you can feel his cold breath against your mouth and nose.

"Is the cold-hearted demon already catching feelings?" You whisper back in a moment of desperation to have the upper hand. 

His eyes harden and he pulls away, a brief look of disgust on his unnaturally handsome face. 

"Feelings? For this wretched little hag of a human?" JK picks up a lock of your knotted hair and drops it, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" His tone turns mocking once more. At least you got him to back up for a second, "If you think for a second I would lower myself that much, think again."

"You're already in Hell," you say back evenly, not breaking eye contact as you whisper, "How much lower can you get?"

You see his jaw clench and his hand squeeze into a fist. 

Without flinching, you brace yourself for him to strike you in the face by gently closing your eyes.

But the hit never comes. 

You gulp and stay where you are for a little longer, but when it becomes apparent that he's not going to hurt you, you open your eyes. 

JK is standing a few feet away, staring at the ground with a glare fit to kill. 

When he senses your movement, his glare turns to you. 

"You act like you're so much better," he spits, "At least I didn't condemn myself to Hell for something as pathetic and fleeting as love."

You stand up, "Why did you condemn yourself here?"

He strides over to you, snarling, "I chose to be here. I chose to have my own power, not to answer to Him, not to be shackled to some duty of the greater good for the whole of my eternal sad little life."

"Power? You did this for power? Tell me JK, what power do you have?" You ask in disbelief, "You are shackled. All you do is walk around manipulating and tormenting and stealing souls. For who? You're telling me you chose this? That you do this for you?"

"I would choose it again, every single fucking time."

You shake your head, "You made a mistake-"

"Who are you to tell me I made a mistake?!" He roars, "I'd rather be stuck hunting every soul in this sorry excuse for a world than love someone who doesn't even love me back, who makes me lower myself so far that I'll be tortured for the rest of eternity just to let them have a longer life!!"

You stare at him, saying nothing. 

It makes him even angrier. 

"Your sorry ass can't even begin to understand what you've done for the sake of love," he says the last word like it tastes foul on his tongue, "You will regret ever coming here by the time I'm done with you. But that regret will get you nowhere."

The demon gets closer, "You will soon see what suffering is, I've gone easy on you. You can cry and scream and beg all you want; He won't have mercy on you. He sits up there on his throne and throws his creations away like they're worth no more than a piece of shit."

"You said you chose to-"

"Because I'd rather rot away down here than answer to Him," the demon seethes, "You think I'm cruel, mortal? You know nothing of cruelty. Take a look around you. Look at where you are. We're here because of Him."

You look away, locking your gaze on the ground. 

He scoffs, "You know I'm right."

"You're not," You whisper.

"Whatever," he turns and starts walking, "I don't care what happens to you or your stupid little friend." 

You watch after him as he keeps walking, never slowing down to let you catch up. 

He's lying. 

Taking a deep breath to collect yourself, you start to follow. 

-

If you thought your feet hurt before, the pain radiating through them now is nearly unbearable. All you can do is stare at the demon's back as he walks, keeping yourself grounded as you limp after him. 

I'm not gonna give up. 

I promise. 

I'll save you.

You keep repeating these in your head and sometimes in a whisper to yourself. At one point though, you think he might hear you, because he looks over his shoulder and scoffs before marching ahead faster than before. 

It felt like the vast field was never going to end, but like each circle thus far, it does. There's a forest just ahead that you think might wrap around the entire fourth circle. Closing in the desolate wasteland with a ring of dead trees. 

You're not sure if the fifth circle begins in the forest though, it might not start until you're out...

JK walks without hesitation into the forest, leaving you to stumble after him, biting your tongue as your feet continue to get poked and slashed by the unforgiving earth. 

But you don't stop. 

He mutters to himself angrily, kicking stones and sticks and whatever else happens to be unlucky enough to be in his way. 

Stupid mortal. 

Stupid pathetic ridiculous sad excuse for a mortal. 

He needs to control himself, he can't lash out like you make him so desperately want to. Everything is fucked up now, because he lost control. You're the only mortal that has ever weakened his resolve and made him break. 

It's your fault he lashed out. 

Now he's fucked. 

How the hell is he meant to get your soul? 

You're already damned to Hell. You made a deal with him and he's not going to lead you out of here. You might not give him your soul, but you won't be able to leave anyway. Not without him leading you out. 

The problem isn't you escaping without giving him your soul. 

The problem is time. Other demons will eventually find you and take your soul by whatever means they can. You'll wander Hell until they persuade you to give them your soul. You truly screwed yourself over. 

He couldn't care less. 

But you also screwed him over. 

That's what pisses him off to no end. 

What the hell is he even doing anyway? 

This is a waste of time. 

He thought he could manipulate you in so many different ways. Now he doesn't stand a chance. You won't listen to him, not after everything he's done and said. 

He should never have made that deal.

If the two of you are found...

Fuck. 

Fuck, fuck, FUCK. 

JK kicks a small stone laying in his path. It flies further than any so far, striking a tree so hard it takes a fairly large chunk of rotting bark with it as it falls to the forest floor. 

He breathes heavily. 

Calm down. 

You need to calm down. Nothing beneficial is going to come out of losing all control. 

He stops short, staring at a moldy leaf on the ground. 

Then he turns to see you clamoring over a burnt log, your face twisted in pain. 

A surge of rage consumes him for a moment when he looks at you. 

Then it slowly ebbs away when he takes a few deep breaths. 

Okay. 

Okay, he's starting to regain control. 

He's the one in charge here, not you. He's the one that's dealt with humans since the beginning of time, not you. He can control his emotions and impulses better than any mortal can. You are run by your emotions, all humans are.

At some point, whether it be lust, anger, grief, or anxiety, you will be taken over and he can take that upper hand once more. 

Just stay calm. 

That's his advantage, he just needs to use it smartly. 

You stumble up to him, a look of surprise on your face when you realize he's not a hundred feet away and leaving you in the dust. 

"Why did you stop?" You ask breathlessly, the first thing you've said to him in hours. 

He looks down to see the bandages wrapped around your feet are soaked in red, not only the bottoms now. He briefly wonders if you cut the tops of your feet or if the bottoms have bled so much it seeped up the cloth until no more white was visible. 

Then he looks back at you, "Didn't want to lose you."

He sees you twitch at that, just the smallest reaction, but he caught it. 

Of course he did. 

Your eyes fluttered for a moment and your lips quivered before you composed yourself. 

Of course. Mortals are slaves to their emotions, continuously being bent to the will of them. 

The demon smothers the smirk that nearly exposes him, continuing to look at you blankly. 

"Ok, well. How much further?" You ask quietly, clearly still out of breath. 

"Not much," he says, far too soft for his character as he turns to keep going, "Maybe another hour, no more than that."

You stare at him suspiciously, then you keep walking, staying alert.

He's obviously got some new trick up his sleeve and thinks you'll fall for it. 

You shake your head and climb up onto a rotting log. 

There was no other way around it, trees and bushes on either side blocking any way but over the top.

Carefully finding the right footholds, you go slow. The last thing you need is to hurt yourself even more. It's already taking you longer than it should with these injuries. 

No matter how slowly and carefully you were going, it didn't do you any good when you made a wrong step and wood splintered underneath you. 

You lurch forward, arms flailing in the air as you scrunch your face in preparation for hitting the forest floor and probably breaking your nose. 

The sudden feeling of hands grasping you and halting your descent makes your eyes fly open. 

You're met with the darkest eyes you've ever seen, staring straight into your soul. A full ten seconds goes by while you just stare at each other. You finally snap out of it and look down to see his hands are placed almost under your armpits where he caught you. 

You gulp. 

The demon doesn't look away when he lifts you a bit to unstick your foot from the log, then gently places you down, not even straining. It was as if he just swooped a toddler up before they ran into something and placed them out of the way. 

He's about to keep walking, but stops when he feels a hand on his wrist. 

Turning, he locks eyes on your small hand clasped around his wrist, little bits of dried blood are speckled along the back of your hand. 

His eyes travel up until they meet yours, but you aren't looking at him. 

A tense moment passes then you let go like he burned you, a lump in your throat as you take a faltering step back. 

"Sorry," you squeak out. 

He doesn't say anything, just keeps looking at you.

After another uncomfortable minute, he turns and keeps walking, as if nothing happened. 

You put a hand over your eyes for a second, calming yourself before you follow him. 

-

It's strange, as the two of you walk through the forest, you can feel yourself growing more and more irritated with each step.

That in itself is not much different than it's been the entire time you've been here. The weird part is that there's really no reason for it now. He hasn't said a word, neither of you have, not since you apologized for grabbing his wrist earlier. 

He hasn't insulted you, hasn't antagonized you in any way. 

So, why are you getting annoyed?

You shake your head, as if the physical action would somehow scatter your thoughts into the wind and you wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. 

The feeling of being angry at someone or something, but not knowing what, is worse than one would think. You don't even have anything to think about to channel the anger towards, which makes you even more irritated. 

"We're almost there-"

"Don't bother telling me until we're actually there," you snap. 

You stop walking, startled at your own words. The demon ahead of you also stops but doesn't turn to look at you. 

Eyes shifting around the wooded area surrounding you, you tap your foot in annoyance. You're not sure what made you snap at him like that, but honestly, he deserved it! He might not have done anything at that moment, but that doesn't mean you haven't had more than enough patience with his nasty behavior leading up to now. 

He had it coming. 

When he starts to turn to look at you, you expect to see him glaring and spitting an offensive remark. You ready yourself to shout an equally nasty comeback, but it dies in your throat when you see a smirk on his face. 

Why-

Why is he smiling?

Shouldn't he be mad at you?

"Feeling a little grumpy?" He asks. 

It's such a normal tone of voice he's using that you find yourself just standing there in confusion. 

Your eyes narrow, "What's your game?"

The words come out more accusatory than you had intended, but you don't say anything to let him know that or take them back. 

He chuckles, "I don't know what you're talking about. We should keep moving though, like I said, we're almost there."

He turns and keeps walking. 

Sending a nasty look his way, you start walking annoyingly slow. 

If you have to be in a foul mood, he should too. You'll annoy him as much as you can.

JK just chuckles to himself as he hears you grumble to yourself. He doesn't care how slow you walk; it'll probably just annoy you even more. Which is quite amusing to him. 

It isn't even fifteen minutes later that you step out of the forest and onto a small stretch of prickly dirt. 

You stop short when you look ahead and see a massive river. It's even larger than the one in the cave, yet this one has no ferryman to carry you across. 

There are black gnarly mountains on the other side, thick dark smoke rising from behind them and the sound of screams echoing from somewhere deep within. 

All of your anger dissipates, your self-control suddenly rocketing back into your body. You stumble back, coming out of your stupor. 

Stay strong, ____.

You stare in horror at the sight before you. 

Not at the river itself, but the humans atop it. There are thousands upon thousands of bloody people, all different sizes, ages, genders. 

Their faces are twisted in rage as they bite and claw and wrestle each other. Blood coats them and the water beneath their feet. 

JK turns to look at you, his expression unreadable when you're able to rip your eyes away from the gory mess to his own intense gaze. 

It all makes sense now. 

He gives you a tiny nod, confirming the unspoken question in your eyes. 

That's why you were feeling that way in the forest. You must have passed into the fifth circle without realizing it. 

Wrath. 

You don't want to look; you don't want to see all of them tearing at one another violently. It didn't matter if some looked weaker than others, no one was being pitied. 

Get a grip. 

You nod, wiping at the hair falling into your face as you gather your courage. 

I can do this. 

"How do we get across?" You ask, voice quiet amongst the inhuman shrieks of rage and pain. 

"We walk."

"Will they see us?"

So far, the only contact you've had with the sinners in Hell was that lady in the second circle. The reminder of the incident sends a chill down your spine. 

None of the other prisoners seemed to have even known that you were there. 

Thinking back, you realize that in the third circle you had only seen the sinners at the beginning, you were alone with him after that. And in the fourth circle, they weren't aware of anything or anyone at all. 

Would this circle be the same?

"Does it matter?"

You look at him at his words, "Huh?"

"If I tell you they won't see you or if I tell you they'll rip you to shreds, would it change the fact that we need to cross?"

You bite your lip, then shake your head. 

"There's no other way to cross," he says, reading your mind, "Straight through is the fastest way. Trying to find another path will only take longer, this river doesn't end, and the violence won't lessen."

You nod, adjusting your cardigan as you will yourself to be the bravest you've ever been. 

"Ok."

"Ok?" He clarifies your decision, dark eyes boring into yours. 

You nod. 

"I'll see you on the other side then, hopefully all in one piece," he turns to leave, but stops when you grab his arm in a panic. 

"Wait! You're not coming with me?"

He laughs and pulls his arm out of your grip, "Why would I?" 

"B-because-"

"Whether I'm with you or not will not change what happens to you. I'm not going to subject myself to being around you during this, you're already whiny and annoying enough."

You gulp as he turns and walks away. 

You glance at the river again before turning back, but he's gone. 

"Darn it," you feel your eyes welling up with tears as you stomp your foot in frustrated anxiety. You're so scared you might actually be sick. 

There's nothing for it. 

You need to get across that river. Nothing is going to stop you, but sitting here analyzing is just going to stretch on that fear. You aren't sure if they will see you or not, maybe he was just trying to scare you. Either way it doesn't matter. 

You're crossing that river. 

Pulling your cardigan around you more and straightening your back, you start limping towards the endless battle. 

-

None of them seem to sense your presence as you first come up. 

A few feet to your right, a young man that looks to be in his twenties is being pummeled by a middle-aged man, his face a bloody mess as he tries to fight back, clawing at the elder's face mercilessly. 

Your entire body is shaking with horror and fear.

You flinch violently when you see a young woman fall in front of your feet, scratches going down her face and throat. She looks up and you see her eyes are missing. 

A hand flies to your mouth as you muffle the scream that leaves you. 

Despite not being able to see, the woman suddenly lunges at you, grabbing your arm and yanking you into the throng, shrieking at the top of her lungs in pure hatred. 

You fall to the ground and turn just in time to see her getting hauled up and dragged away by some other woman around her age. They start biting and kicking, blood spraying everywhere. 

Your mind is clouded with so much confusion and terror that you don't move for a second.

Only when you see a thin man crawling frantically towards you on all fours, his eyes huge and mouth wide in an angered screech, does it register that you need to run. 

You scramble to your feet and take off running. 

There are so many people, all crowded and all enraged. 

And so much blood.

You've never seen so much blood in your entire life. 

It's slippery and leaves a thick coating on the bottoms of your feet as you push through the crowd frantically to get away from the crawler. More than a few times, you're pushed and fall onto your hands and knees, forced to crawl quickly until you can get back up. 

The sound is deafening. 

If you weren't in a state where you're thinking of nothing but getting out, you might notice the pounding headache from all the noise. 

Finally, after what feels like forever, you see an opening. 

There's a stretch of river where not many sinners are fighting. 

You glance back and see that the crawling man is gone, probably fighting with someone else now. You push through until you're running out of the throng.

It's a relief to be able to run faster, but you're also out in the open, an easier target to spot. 

You don't let yourself stop to think of anything but getting out. 

You have to get out. 

As you run, it suddenly occurs to you that you are literally running on top of the river. 

You're not sinking. 

There's no time to think about why or how people aren't sinking, you just push the thought out of your brain and keep running. 

You thought you might actually make it. 

It felt like the enormous stretch was getting smaller. 

Then something hard smashes into you and you go flying, landing harshly and crying out at the pain in your shoulder. 

You open your eyes and see a very large man standing over you, breathing heavily. 

There are deep gashes down the sides of his face and neck that ooze with dark blood, his eyes glazed over with insanity and pure unadulterated fury. 

He lets out a bellow of rage and grabs your arms, yanking you up as you scream fruitlessly for him. 

For the one that isn't here. 

The only one that's on your mind as you feel a horrible burning pain flare up through your arms, blood seeping through your cardigan. 

You're dropped harshly to the ground, your head cracking on something hard. 

Then you're being lifted again. 

All you can feel is the scorching pain in your arms and the throbbing in your head as he smashes you on the river again and again. 

Then suddenly his harsh grip is gone. 

You cough, the dark sky above you spinning as you try to catch your breath, your whole body convulsing.

Blood trickles from the back of your head. 

You roll over achingly slow, tears building in your eyes as you gulp in as much air as you can stand. It feels like your bones are broken beyond use.

When you're on your stomach, you open your eyes to be met with a pair of bright blue irises staring back at you. You're frozen with fear before you can try to raise yourself. 

The body beneath you, trapped under the river, stares back with no visible emotion apart from despair and empty anger. There are deep black circles under the strikingly light eyes, sagging impossibly low on the pale face. 

That's why you weren't sinking. 

When you realize there are thousands of bodies trapped under the entire river, a horrified chill seeps into your bones. 

Then you're suddenly sinking. 

Burning hot hands grasp your wrists and pull you into the river.

You snap out of it and start trying to back up, unable to stop screaming, doing whatever you can not to sink and join the sullen lying beneath the water. 

But the more you fight it, the faster you sink. 

Until water rushes over your head and down into your throat. 

The darkness under the water does nothing to hide the bodies stacked up, all staring at you. Not moving, just observing. 

The hands no longer pull you, there is no need.

You continue to sink faster; screaming and kicking as the watery prisoners watch you drown. 

The blackness starts to close in, coming from all sides until you can see nothing else. Right before you lose consciousness, you feel a pair of cold hands grab your wrists. 

Then nothing.

____________________

You kick desperately to get to the light. 

The beautiful blinding light. 

But the water is quick to soak your skirts and make them as heavy as lead, which makes it harder to go up as you continue to sink into the blue water, kicking furiously. 

It's so pretty when you're looking at it from above, you'd never guess the damage that something so beautiful can cause. 

A shadow passes over the light. 

It's actually kind of peaceful. 

Then a hand grabs your wrist and you feel yourself being pulled toward the surface. You snap out of it a second before your head breaks through the water. 

"Apple, you're so stupid!" He cries, dragging you onto the shore as you cough and gasp. 

"S-sorry, I'm sorry-" you cough and choke out the water that went into your mouth, then you sit there numbly as your teeth chatter uncontrollably. 

Your best friend gathers your skirts and pulls them from the water before crawling over and sitting next to you, patting your back. 

"No- I- I'm sorry I didn't catch you."

You shake your head and offer him a smile, "I was too far anyway. I didn't think I'd actually slip and fall in. N-never happened until now," you're shaking even though the sun is bright and warm today. 

"You're alright," he assures you, pulling you into a side hug. 

You've always appreciated how he never lost showing physical affection and comfort even as the two of you got older. 

All the other eighteen-year-old boys act like they're so much better than showing affection to loved ones. 

Not him. 

"Thanks," you say sheepishly when he hands you the blanket from your picnic earlier. 

Then he sits next to you, right against your side, "You can't go and die on me, Apple. I don't know what I'd do without you."

You turn and look into his eyes, seeing something there that you've feared would come. 

"I-..."

"You don't have to say anything," he whispers, "It's alright."

You nod, then turn your head to look at the sunlit forest around you. 

I wish I could just stay here with you forever. 

__________________

When you open your eyes, you see the river stretching on; the sinners still fighting their eternal battle in the distance. 

Groaning in pain, you turn onto your side, then fall onto your back, a gasp leaving you at the impact between your shoulder blades. 

You sense the presence before you see it, so you lift your head, afraid that big man might be back. 

But you're met with the sight of the demon pacing back and forth, chewing on his thumb nail. 

"You okay?" You croak out, squinting at him. 

His eyes snap over to you and he brings his hand down, then walks over and crouches, holding his hand out. 

"Am I okay?" He says with a raised brow.

You take it cautiously, wincing when he pulls you up into a sitting position. 

"How-..." you clear your throat, "Did you pull me out?"

"Well," he stands up, "You're no use to me trapped under the river, are you?"

You wait for a moment before shaking your head. 

"Exactly. Now get up, just because you made it across the river doesn't mean we can stop."

It hurts like hell to stand, but you do so anyway. 

"You look like shit," he says casually. 

"Thanks," you respond, gritting your teeth as you put a hand to the back of your head where it's really sore. Your hand comes away covered in blood. 

Suddenly, you realize your cardigan isn't on all the way, so you quickly fix it. The sleeves are partly torn from where that man clawed into your skin, leaving blood streaked across your arms and cardigan.

"You're so fucking weird," JK says with a look of mild disgust on his face at your obsessive behavior of fixing your clothes. 

You shrug tiredly, mind still stuck in the past. 

It was so easy to wish for immortality when you were a kid, now you're beginning to wonder who would go through all of this just to live forever alone while their loved ones passed on around them. 

"Having doubts?"

You look up and see him watching you closely. 

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" You wrinkle your nose at him. 

A hint of a smile appears on his face, but he smothers it, then shakes his head. 

"If you give up now mortal, I'll give you something to regret."

Then he turns and starts walking towards the base of the looming mountain. 

You watch him for a moment, then you limp after him. 

It wouldn't have taken long to get to the mountain, but your limp makes it take a lot longer. 

Fifth circle. 

Fifth circle. 

Only four more to go after you get through this one. 

You bite your lip anxiously as you think about how long you have to pull this off. 

The circles seem to get worse with each one, how are you going to manage the ninth one? 

Do you have to actually go through it?

How long have you been down here anyway?

You're not sure if he's ever told you the truth. For all you know, you could've been down here for a week or six months already. Time is so confusing. 

You don't have all the time in the world though, and what time you do have, you're running out of it quickly. 

JK turns when he hears you stumbling, watching as you right yourself. 

He notices that your whole body is quivering slightly. Your hair is matted, and your dress is torn and bloody from the river. Your feet are bruised badly, the blood-soaked cloth still wrapped around them tightly. The wrapping around your wrist has also stayed put. 

Honestly, he hadn't noticed how dark the circles under your eyes were until now. You look like you haven't slept in months. 

When your eyes lift to his, he feels a weird pull in his chest. 

What the fuck?

JK looks away, "If you'd walk a little faster, we'd be there by now. In fact, we'd probably be at the ninth circle if you weren't so weak."

He walks away briskly. 

If he's being honest, you're one of the strongest humans he's ever come across. Your body seems to break down faster than theirs, but your spirit has yet to dim. 

Fuck being honest. 

He finally comes to the foot of the mountain, crossing his arms and looking up, trying to figure out the best way to get you up there. He doesn't want to be around you more than he has to be. There are other souls to take, he's only been able to get a couple dozen since you came. 

The demon sighs and rubs his temple for a minute before turning at the unmistakable sound of you slowly walking up to him. 

"Finally," he mutters. 

"Sorry," you whisper, "It hurts to walk."

Your voice is small and you avoid eye contact. 

...

He doesn't care. 

"If you think you can possibly handle it," he snaps, "We need to climb."

You gulp, but don't hesitate before nodding with some effort, "Ok."

"If I go first, you can see where I grab. If you go first, at least you'll have a soft landing when you inevitably fall."

A small laugh bubbles out of your chest at his joke. 

He swallows and rolls his eyes, "Just make a decision before we die of old age."

You get quiet again.

"I'll go first," you say lowly, walking over to the steep wall of jagged black stone, "Even though I'm pretty sure you won't catch me when I fall."

"Mm, you're learning."

You take a moment to observe the side of the mountain, looking at the places where you might be able to get a good grip. 

It kind of reminds you of when you and Tae climbed the old apple tree while you waited for your best friend to be done with the surprise. 

"Don't look down," he had said, "Just keep looking at the sky, little bird."

Just keep looking at the sky. 

You take a deep breath, then you grab the first rocky hold, your sweaty palm closing around it as you send up a small prayer that your hands don't slip. 

The first couple of feet are bad, but not as bad as you thought they'd be, although your injured wrist is already aching deeply.

I can do this. 

"Think you could go a little faster?" He calls up to you, irritated.

"Don't antagonize me while I'm more than capable of falling onto your head," you shout back, more than fed up. 

You hear a sigh, then focus on the task ahead. 

Do not look down. 

You gulp and grab the next tiny ledge, gripping it as hard as you can as you pull yourself up. 

-

This mountain feels never-ending. 

Your arms are shaking uncontrollably as you try to breathe so you don't pass out. You're willing to bet everything that he wouldn't even think about catching you if you fell. Not to mention your left wrist is screaming at you to stop.

"You're almost there, just keep going!" He shouts in annoyance. 

You don't have the strength to answer him. 

You don't have the strength to do anything, not to move, not to look up, not to even keep holding on where you're at. You realize this in a sudden burst of panic. Your whole body is shaking with the exertion of pulling your already worn-out self up the God forsaken mountain this far. 

"I can't-"

It comes out in a breathless squeak; you aren't able to manage anything more. 

"Just grab the next ledge, stop being a fucking wuss!"

You shake your head. You're afraid that if you let go, you'll just tumble to the bottom. It's not even funny, you don't think you can hold on much longer, your body is paralyzed with fear and exhaustion and so much pain, hands locked in place as you shake. 

"Damn it all to fuckin-" 

You hear him using every curse word in the book, the sound of little stones falling as he apparently moves.

Every prayer you've ever known is being repeated in your head. You're so scared of falling, which might be what makes it happen if you can't gather yourself in a minute. 

"Lift your left hand and grab the hold a few inches to the left, can you see it?"

You chance a glance up, then nod. 

"Ok, do it now."

You gulp, "I can't, I-"

"You don't have a fucking choice, idiot. Do it."

"No, I literally cannot physically move," you whisper, "My wrist can't take any more weight."

"Try, or I'll snap your other wrist too."

You breathe out shakily. 

If you fall and snap your neck, he can't break your wrist anyway. 

Gathering your strength, you lift your left hand, your right arm shaking like a leaf as you reach up and grab the small hold. 

But once you put the smallest amount of weight into that hand, a sharp pain flares up and your wrist gives out. 

A terrified scream is the only warning he gets. 

Small stones fall haphazardly as your right arm gives out under the extra weight and you start to fall. 

"Shit-"

Your scream gets cut off when you feel a hand against your lower back, keeping you from falling backwards. You take that moment to grab onto the wall again. 

"I can't! I can't! I can't!" You're screaming, sobs clawing their way out of your throat as you cling desperately to the mountainside. 

"I know! Shut up, damn it!" He grinds his teeth, glaring up at you. 

You can't think clearly, you're so terrified that you're going to slip again. 

"Stop crying!"

JK grumbles as he maneuvers around to climb up next to you. 

When you feel his presence beside you, your nerves start to calm down. 

"Have I told you recently how useless you are?"

You shake your head, "Not in the past hour, no," you squeak out tearfully. 

He stares at you for a second, then shakes his head. 

"I'm going to give you a boost-"

"No, no, no, no," you whimper, "I can't."

"You have a better plan, sweetheart?"

You think for a second, then reluctantly shake your head. 

"Well alright then," he snaps, "You're only a few feet from the top. I'm gonna boost you up high enough so that you can get there, but you need to use whatever miniscule amount of strength you have to get up. Do you get it?"

You nod. 

When you feel a hand on your bottom, you gasp, "Hey!"

He pulls his hand back, "What now??"

"Why are you touching me there??"

"Where the hell else am I supposed to do it?!"

"I- I-"

"Shut up and get ready."

The demon once again places a hand on your backside, which makes your cheeks burst into flames, then he pushes you up. 

You quickly grab the closest ledge you can. 

It wasn't quite the top though. 

"Fuck." 

JK growls and climbs up all the way, then gets to his knees and leans over the edge. He sees you shaking as you hold on tightly, the look on your face not far off from that of a frightened puppy. 

"Give me your hand."

You look up to see him reaching down. 

Using the last of your strength, you grab his hand, noting how unusually cold it is. He pulls you up and onto the top of the mountain where you collapse.

You're still shaking from the adrenaline of almost falling. 

"You proved me wrong, little human."

You raise your eyes and see him panting, his hands on his hips as he looks down at you. 

"Huh?"

"I thought for sure you'd fall."

"I almost did," you say quietly, embarrassed. 

"Yeah, but you didn't."

You don't say it's only because he caught you, too surprised that he's not being mean. He's actually being kind of...dare you think it...nice.

Is this another one of his games or...?

When you lock eyes with him, he's the first to look away, his gaze dropping to the ground before he looks around. 

"Well, at least you're not completely useless," he huffs, "Not that you're useful for much though."

You bite back the smile wanting to come and stand shakily to your feet. 

"Hey, at least I'm good company."

He gives you a look before turning and walking away. 

You stumble to catch up with him, your legs feeling like cooked noodles, "Oh come on, I've seen you laugh at things I've said."

"You're psychotic," he refuses to look at you as he keeps walking briskly. 

"Wait, I can't walk that fast."

He slows down just a little, enough for you to catch up. 

You smile and limp beside him, not voicing your amusement at him subconsciously listening to your request. 

The two of you walk for a while, the jagged rocks on the mountain making it take longer. He doesn't hesitate to remind you of this as you fall behind more than a few times due to the pain in your feet. 

The air is so thick with smoke up here that you've had more than your fair share of coughing fits in just the first few minutes, your lungs quickly starting to ache. After an hour has passed, it feels like your lungs are shriveled and full of the dark smoke still surrounding you. 

You'll never admit to anyone the number of times you've thrown up already because it feels like your stomach is full to the brim with smoke. He slows down every time you're hunched over and gagging uncontrollably, but he never stops, calling a short reminder for you to hurry up.

It's so strange to see him walking without a single sign of discomfort. 

JK glances back and sees you limping in a staggered line, arms waving in front of you to try and knock the smoke away from your face. You look delirious, eyes unfocused as you trip over rocks. 

He stops when your foot catches and you fall to the ground, jagged stones digging unforgivingly into your shins. 

"Sorry- I'm sorry, I'm coming," you say hoarsely as you place your hands on the ground to stand up but end up on your hands and knees as you cough weakly. 

The sound of him walking over makes you glance up to see him standing over you.

Your eyes travel from his black boots up his dark skinny jeans covered in rips, all the way up to his unreadable expression. Then suddenly he's crouching in front of you. 

His gaze scans your dirty face, noting your eyes are red and teary from the smoke. 

"How much do you want it?" He whispers, looking into your eyes. 

You blink and wipe a dirty hand on your eyes to clear away the tears as your body quivers. 

"I want it more than anything," you whisper brokenly, staring back. 

It looks like he's trying to decide something for a moment as his eyes flicker between yours, then his jaw clenches a little and he holds his hand out. 

"Then act like it."

You stare at his hand for a moment, then you place your shaky one into it. Your hand is covered in ash and grime, a stark contrast compared to his seemingly perfect skin. 

A second passes before his grip tightens and he pulls you to your feet. 

You expect him to let go and tell you to keep walking, so you're taken by complete surprise when he starts walking while holding your hand tightly. 

"We're almost to the sixth circle," he says quietly. 

"Ok," you respond softly, eyes locked on your hands. 

"I don't understand why you're so insistent on helping someone that would put you through this," he speaks up again, confusing you further, "But if you're going to be a stubborn little bitch about it, then I'm certainly not going to watch you give up so easily. Especially in the fifth circle. You could at least have a little more class than that."

A small smile spreads on your tired face as you stumble along behind him, hand gripping his tightly. 

_________________________________

Another hour passes with him practically dragging you across the top of the mountain. 

A lump gets lodged in your throat when you see a fiery red glow in the distance that grows larger as you get closer. 

When you're as close as you can get, he stops. 

The deep red smoky essence is on the other side of a gnarled line of sharp rocks that jut out of the ground to look almost like a spine splitting the two circles, the only thing keeping you from seeing the other side. 

"The Devil's Backbone."

"Hm?" You rip your gaze from the rocks over to where he looks at you briefly. 

"That's what this place is called."

"Oh."

The name is no more comforting than the look of those rocks. 

"How-...how do we get across?"

You're acutely aware of the fact that he's no longer holding your hand, but you force yourself not to linger on that. 

"There's a path through it, but it won't be easy."

"What else is new?" You joke, voice sounding scratchy. 

He looks at you, eyes squinting as he simply observes you. 

"You're the strangest mortal I've ever met."

You shrug, "It's a gift."

JK snorts and looks back towards the Backbone, "You'll want to get some rest. Think you can survive a few hours without me?"

"Are you going somewhere?"

"Would it make sense for me to say that if I wasn't?" He sneers, but this time it makes you laugh, entirely unintentional on his part. 

"I told you; I've got other things to do besides babysit you."

You sigh and shake your head, "I guess a demon's job is never done."

He shoots you an unamused look before pointing over to a giant rock that has a flat side, a small area for you to sit and be out of the way and away from prying eyes. 

You won't argue with that. 

Walking over, you see a small burnt log sticking out of the rocks and reach down to touch it. It's warm, but not scalding, so you decide it's a decent enough place to sit for a while. 

You take a seat carefully, then look up in surprise when you see the small floating fire a few feet in front of you. He always seems to make it when you aren't looking.

"Not that you need more smoke," he mumbles uncertainly, "But it gets a little chilly sometimes."

You watch him as he looks around aimlessly. 

Then he shakes his head, a scowl forming as he kicks a blackened rock, "Or don't use it, I don't really give a fuck. Just- just try not to cause any trouble. You're hopeless on your own."

Then he turns and stomps away. 

He walks behind a boulder, then there's nothing but silence. 

You stand up and walk over to peek behind the boulder but see nothing. There was nowhere else for him to go, so he must've disappeared into thin air. Off to steal more souls no doubt.

You swallow and walk back to your little stump, plopping yourself down onto it as you fight the tears suddenly coming. 

Letting your head hang for a second, you stare at a broken stick lying on the ground. 

"Don't look down, ____."

Tears blur your vision, the stick warping into odd shapes. 

A stabbing pain in your upper back makes you wince, a couple tears slipping out when you do. You lift your head just enough to look around and make sure he hasn't come back. 

There's no one. 

Nothing. 

You're completely and utterly alone. 

Another few tears slip out as you carefully pull your cardigan off, a pained gasp leaving you as the white feathery wings that have been tucked up for as long as you've been here finally unfurl and rest against the ground. 

You glance back and see that there are a few rips and more than a couple missing feathers. The usual gleaming pearl white is now dull and stained and caked with blood and dirt. 

"Ow," you whimper as you finally let your head drop into your dirty hands. A sob escapes you, your whole body shaking with tears as you let them all out. The ground is so blurred that you can't even see the stick anymore. 

The pain radiating through you is debilitating. Eventually you can't even stay perched on the stump and slowly sink to the ground, your wings curling around you in an attempt at comfort. 

Your body is failing you no matter how hard you fight it. 

Just keep looking at the sky, little bird.

Another sob rips through you as you clutch at your aching heart, your feet tucked up under your torn skirt.

You force yourself to turn your head and look up but see nothing apart from thick suffocating smoke covering every inch of the sky. 

You don't belong here.

Even as you lay on the ground unmoving, you can feel the life draining from you. 

As it has since you stepped foot into this place. As it will continue to until you can get out.

For an angel can only survive so long in Hell. 

________________________

a/n: tysm for reading babiesssssss

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if your name is not clickable pls check your settings babies

[c0rps3partybrainr0t]

I was So close to killing Satoshi off in this au- so fuckin close because of his hair. As before! Rambling under the cut!

Satoshi Mochida

Design notes

-Gonna be honest, Not alot changed like Yuka's Design. Most notable one being the addition of the uniform Coat. It felt weird that he didn't have it anywhere on him, it's part of the uniform. I would get taking it off and having it around your waist, or having it partially undone like Kishinuma but completely not having it on you? Weird.

-The tie is apart of the new uniform design that I'll make a guide for soon. The one they have on in the game, along with the sailor suit that the girls wear are actually generally a middle school uniform and frankly is really outdated and isn't being normalized as much in turn for the Blazer, or vest combo.

-Hair pins n wrist band, Those where a gift from Naomi and Seiko since he was tired of having his bangs in his face and was being lazy about trimming them. The wrist band is to commemorate their long lasting friendship. Being the original trio in 2-9

Personality notes

-He's cowardly and is really easy to scare when it comes to jumpscares and well planned scary stories. But when it comes to high pressure situations he had a an ungodly level head and is often a pointed leader by himself and or someone else.

- His kind, caring, and sweet demeanor makes him more popular than he wants to be. I guess people like the sensitive type? He is considered the heart of the 2-9ers and it shows since he knows a good amount about each n every one of them!

- Satoshi is actually really Analytical, he has to be since he's the heart of a social group. He can pick up on the tiniest shift in someone's voice and adapt accordingly which is probably why he's so popular in and out of 2-9.

Relationship notes

Yuka: as mentioned in Yuka's profile, General Older n younger sib relationship, Really like to ruffle Yuka's hair just for shits n giggles but for the most part he loves his baby sis.

Naomi: Childhood Freinds and the person he's closest with. It isn't uncommon to see them laying on each other in one way or another just to feel the comfort of each other's presence. Are they Dating? Are they just Freinds? No one's outside of the group knows-

Seiko: Second oldest friend and another pillow for him, she's the one to get Satoshi to act Goofy one way or another. Wether it's chasing her for something she stole or just a tickle fight

Ayumi: Fears her. And it's not irrational. since he screams like a girl, Ayumi often targets him during scary stories or pranks. But outside of that he finds her presence comforting, like the older sister he never had.

Mayu: Often bullies him into modeling some clothes she's sewn up or crotched. Frankly he doesn't mind because he's pretty ambiguous with what he wears and wouldn't mind wearing a dress or skirt.

Morishige: Conspiracy theorists- Mori is the reason Satoshi gets into deep dives in wikipedia and analog horror. If you can't find Satoshi than Mori is to blame 9 times outta 10 you'll find the two in the library with various books on, the paranormal, aliens, the undead, and various supposed "Matrix glitches"

Kishinuma: Bro's- likes the kinda bros that just show up at each other's house randomly and gets invited in because they know each other so well. Like "Dude I brought some Udon get down here n eat, I don't care if you've already ate, Eat more"

Ms,Yui: Older sister/Mother figure, Though he knows that he can't really share much to her considering she was still his teacher. He's happy to help in any way possible and share small moments with her while at school.

[slutterhaus]

.growth

AN: Started this during lunch and finished it now before bed so it might be rushed lmao just wanted to write something kinda sweet with and older Adam. Ngl I’m extremely rusty and sick (also very tired lmao) so this may be clunky to read. Anyways, go show @you-and-him some love. CWs: None. However, a small talk about toxic relationships does happen. Also mentions of dropkicking someone lmao. Other: Fluff, Second Person POV, AFAB!Reader, Female pronouns are used. Not proofread. Probs ooc Adam. Under read more because it's around 1k words.

Adam peacefully washed the dishes while he listened to you help your daughter with some homework. Both of you chatted about random things every once in a while when you needed a break, and even though he wasn’t really paying attention, the background noise gave him a sense of calm that brought a smile to his face. Life with you had been everything he could’ve dreamed of and more. Hell, he never would’ve imagined something like this before he met you, before going through everything. Sometimes he wondered what good he had done to deserve such a loving and happy life after everything he put you through.

And while it was all in the past, some guilt lingered whenever he was too caught up in his own thoughts.

It wasn’t until he heard you let out a chuckle that he turned around, watching your daughter pout and puff out her cheeks when it was time to get back to work. He knew that face, the look of dread when she had to write for English class. Neither of you knew why she hated it so much considering she enjoyed reading just as much as the two of you did, though he couldn’t help but wonder if she was just growing up to be too critical of herself.

You both gave her a sympathetic look, and Adam was quick to turn back around to fetch her favorite snack from the fridge, along with some canned green tea with ginseng and honey for you while you tried to reassure her doubt.

That was going to be a topic both of you would have to discuss later seeing as she was eleven and too young to be worrying about anything other than being a kid. For now, however, Adam slid into the seat next to you at the dining table, where you playfully bumped shoulders with him and giggled. He smiled sheepishly, a soft blush dusting his cheeks even after all the years together. “What’dya have to write about, kiddo?” He asked.

“Free topic. But I dunno what to write about.” She sighed. “I’m not good at coming up with things.”

Both you and Adam took an instinctive glance at one another before you spoke up. “You can't rush or force yourself to make something. School doesn’t determine how creative you can be when you got six more classes cramming stuff into your free time.” You genuinely tried to make her feel better, but the look on your face let Adam know you needed some reassurance yourself when it came to your parenting skills. He brought an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to squish your sides together and give you a big smooch on your temple. “Your mother’s right, you know.”

For a moment, your daughter was silent, staring at the two of you with a focused look. Both of you could see she was thinking deeply about something, almost as if she was embarrassed to ask. “How… did you and dad meet?”

Adam tensed at the question, and you choked on your drink. How were you going to explain that to your kid? How would that conversation even go with anyone?

So, you cleared your throat and tried your best. “Well… Dad didn’t like me too much when we first met.” You started and Adam seemed to feel a cold sweat coming on, only relaxing a bit when your hand gently placed itself over his. Your daughter gave you a look that blatantly expressed how much she did not believe that. “With how mushy you two are? Doubt it. Dad follows you around like a puppy.”

“Hey…!”

She wasn’t wrong, but it was a bit embarrassing to hear from his own kid.

“It’s true. People grow and change over time depending on who you surround yourself with. Some people aren’t good for you, no matter how much you love them, because they don’t want to change, and there’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself by distancing from them.” You began, squeezing Adam’s hand to reassure him you didn’t say it because of him. “And sometimes they break whatever chains held them back from changing. You never know what someone’s been through growing up, so always be kind while sticking up for yourself and for others.”

Nobody had given either of you a parenting manual, but a small smile came to Adam’s lips as he looked at your daughter. She was quiet, taking what you told her and processing it. “Besides, mama would dropkick anyone who touches you.” You added, trying to give the conversation a lighthearted touch. “And dad’s going to bail mama outta jail.”

The table was silent for a moment before the three of you broke into a round of laughter. Adam reached over and ruffled the head of brown hair that wasn’t unlike his own when he was younger. Granted, he had forgotten how it looked on him long ago with how he still rocked his purple mop into his 40s, but it was healing to him in a way. Your daughter only grinned, surprising the two of you when she picked up her pencil and quickly started writing on the composition paper in front of her.

Adam could faintly make sense of the title from his seat, tilting his head slightly to angle and accommodate his gaze to the upside-down writing. However, as he followed the sentences, he pulled you close once more and rested his head on top of yours while you rested on his shoulder.

'My parents love each other very much, and they love me very much. They’re embarrassing and dorky sometimes, but they mean well. When I grow up, I hope I have friends that I love and protect just like they do each other…'

As she scribbled away, Adam got up and stretched, but not before giving the both of you a quick peck on top of the head. “You two finish up, I’ll get started on dinner.” He began. “And I’m not dorky, your old man’s still a rockstar.”

“Uh huh.”

With a snort, you got up and wrapped your arms around him, humming contently. “And the light of my life~”

Adam groaned in embarrassment at your addition, his face heating up as he dragged you with him toward the fridge to grab some ingredients.

He really wouldn’t have his life any other way.

[wolffyluna]

Homeland by RA Salvatore Liveblog

Help, I have fallen back into the Drizzt pit and can't get up.

Under a cut for child abuse and attempted sexual assault.

I'm copy-pasting this from discord. Ellipses differentiate liveblogs that were done at different times.

I'm rereading the first Drizzt novel. It was one of the book series I loved loved loved when I was young. I am simultaneously going:

oh my God, this world building. Your legal system cannot run on vibes, sir. The implied gender ratio is hilarious (drow nobles want lots of kids, but every son after the second is killed, so a family having four daughters and two sons is pretty normal. Oh, and it's implied that polyandry is a Status Symbol)

oof ow argh, man hands misery onto man! It deepens like a coastal shelf! 😭

I'm still at the beginning, but drizzt is being raised by his older sister, and she is heavily encouraged to physically abuse him. There's a point where she thinks "wow, what could this kid achieve if we weren't breaking his spirit. ... wait, that's a blasphemous thought, I should punish him for making me think that." And Drizzt is taught to believe that surface elves are the source of all of his problems, to the point that whenever he's whipped he "cries out for the death of a [surface elf]" These people all could have been fine if they lived in a reasonable society! 😭

The book is divided into parts, and at the beginning of each part there's a section of Drizzt monologing as if he's giving an interview

And in the one where he's talking about his childhood, he both talks about PTSD-flashbacks-in-so- many-words and also "presumably things happened before I was sixteen? I remember basically none of that though" which. Baby. Let me scoop you up into a hug even though you are a century(?) old dark elf who is presumably taller than me.

...

The only way the drow gender ratio doesn't fall flat is a) the implication that commoners don't do that, so maybe their gender ratios are less of a disaster and b) it looks like only the female heads of the family can take consorts/have children, so polyandry is a little more possible

Though this does, like, raise the question of "so, you are the daughter of a matron mother, and you fall pregnant. what do you do?"

...

It's legal for a drow house to attack another in secret. It is illegal to do it openly. The justification is that Lolth likes it that way (This is a logic that underpins a lot of the drow legal system) And it could be made sensible with just one small change: Every drow house wants to be able to attack another, but wants no other house to be able to attack them. So they created norms where you can't just attack people, if you did that the whole city would fall on you ...but if you can do it with plausible deniability...

...

I have now re-witnessed the beautiful, beautiful scene where a wizard panics* and casts fireball at his own feet

*he would say he was very tactical, I do not believe him

[Seriously, I have remembered this scene fondly for years. It's Such A Scene.]

...

Oh my God Masoj just encouraged someone to take the identity of someone he [the other guy] just killed. Masoj completely failed to mention that the dead guy was his brother.

...

DRIZZT QQ

His dad just tried and failed to kill him to try and maintain his innocence.

I have so many feelings about Zaknafein.

Just. The combination of "Zaknafein was a major role model to Drizzt and is a significant part of why Drizzt is good" and "Zaknafein is Not A Very Good Person." Man.

...

Lov Drizzt

He just nearly got murdered, but he doesn't care, because KITTY!

Drizzt is this xkcd comic

...

I remembered the sex pollen scene, but man did I not remember/parse how much it was a dub-to-non con sex pollen scene

...

Something that is also getting to me on this re-read: the amount that the men of the Do'Urden family 🐛 assist with their family members whipping them, or literally taking them as a sacrifice. Because resistance would only make it worse, and this way at least you have some control

There's a really telling passage where Briza is torturing Dinin for no real reason, and he's just like. okay. i'm not going to get in the way of this process. And he actively positions himself to make it easier.

...

Help, I'm combining my love of "what if popular but misapplied blorbo song, but correctly applied?" with the Legends of Drizzt series: Eat Your Young is a valid Malice/Zaknafein song

There is no capitalism, but there is a lot of zero sum resource fights, and a lot of the conflict between these chatacters is their children being used in those zero sum resource fights.

Zaknafein has a lot of conflict about whether it's better for his son to be eaten by drow society, or dead And there's a thing where both Zaknafein and Drizzt are/are meant to be sacrifices to Lolth, at Malice's hands

Skinning the children for a war drum Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

And there's also the whole thing of-- Zaknafein and Malice's life is luxurious, but that's at a cost. There are no skeletons in the closet because they are displaying the skeletons openly as part of the decor

...

The Drizzt He destroyed his cage Yes YES The Drizzt is out

...

The thing about Homeland in particular is how it is simultaneously man hands on misery onto man, it deepens like a coastal shelf and how it is so much about it's opposite (it ascends like a volcano?) Drizzt could not be who is he is, could not be good, without Zaknafein.

But he's. Better than Zaknafein. Because of Zaknafein.

And there's the tragedy of the fact that if their roles were reversed, it would be Drizzt bring Zaknafein up into the light.

But. Well. Drizzt would still have to die down in the dark

...

...hmm.. I'm encountering a tempting bad idea: 50 books in a year is a doable challenge. There are 40 Drizzt books. Ergo, one could hypothetically read all the Drizzt books in one year.

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

September

hellooo, on-time this time! hehe i hope everyone is happy and healthy 💙

the end of September marks one month of school and my assignments are finally slowing down (re: there will be more it's just i've finished them for the moment so i can have some relax time). so, i finally got wind of the learning system here, it's student centered learning where we have to write a paper for every subject and do a presentation for every class, the profs are only there to correct us or complete what we left out. sounds exhausting (because it is!) but i think with this method we're 'forced' to gather as much information as possible because in order to do well we need enough knowledge on the topic. not to mention we're also graded from how active/responsive we are during classes. result is most of my 'free time' is spent reading 🙃 not entirely complaining because the major difference from first degree vs post grad school is now everything's more focused on the discipline i'm interested in hehe

most of my class is held online (god bless) and i'm, yet again, the one in charge of our class' Zoom account (which we buy ourselves instead of provided by the campus). i only go to the SaIemba campus once a week for weekly wire bending class. yes, ladies and gentlemen, wire bending is now taking over my bank account and i mean it literally because the pliers i have to buy cost me a loooooooot of money 🙃 i think this month i really exhausted my savings... the only relief provided for me is that for orthodontists we usually only buy these pliers once to be used for years, that's why it's important to buy high quality ones. kinda glad i bought my Coldplay Singapore tickets before this huhu

an update on my medical check-up, i finally got to see the internist and yep he said i have very high metabolism rate (everything i eat gets converted quickly into energy, not fat/body mass and i need to eat more carbs, but sadly i'm more of a beef veggies fruits person sigh) and that for my slightly anemic blood report i need to consume more blood replenishing food/supplements... these days i swear i’ve been eating more than i did years ago but i simply can't gain weight (still ranging around 41-43 kgs and never higher 🤡)

this September the class celebrated two of our members' birthdays! (again, i'm in charge of reminding everyone of someone's bday 😂) for the first one, kak Mandy's, i kinda made a cruel prank i really regret lol with everyone's help i tricked her we have impromptu on the spot zoom with our professor that required us to show our wire bending progress... she believed me and actually stayed up late to finish her work 😭 i swear i got her to stop and go back to sleep at 10 PM 🥺🥺🥺 but the surprise worked and she was actually surprised (& genuinely happy, i checked on her right after haha) to find us singing the hbd song as she entered the meeting room and sent her a lovely cake for her. the second one, kak Putri's, and this one we can no longer use the Zoom tactic again so we pushed back the surprise to our next wire bending class at uni, bought her pizza and coffee (her favs) and i think the best part is: after i checked in on her, she said she's touched by our efforts as she's never really experienced having people do this much for her. that answer stunned me in a way i get reminded again how being remembered is such a privilege, a rare thing, one's life goal? it's one of the best ways to leave no room for doubt that someone truly cares and loves you? seems like a simple gesture but woah. the impact it left? i think i've never felt more happier being able to remember people's bdays/preferences/likings, seeing how happy i can make someone feel? that's what i strive to do even more now 💪🏻

anyway, did i tell you already i'm the youngest in our class? and the oldest is literally 10 (ten) years older than me? so naturally... i'm also in charge of everything technical: starting from running our class' instagram account and teaching everyone efficient ways to use Google Docs and Slides to finish our assignments 😂👍🏻 i love getting treated like everyone’s little sister and calling everyone kakak/abang 🤣 yet somehow i love being the one people are (mostly) depending on? i like having responsibilities and being able to provide help i guess? 😂 and guess what: i actually also become the class' official editor. yep. one of the assignments given from the dean is to write this mini book (yes, book. not a paper) and she appointed me to be the editor! it's a rigorous task i need to be super diligent and attentive while proofreading and correcting the formatting, but yeah i enjoyed it. my editing hobby has leveled up to a semi official thing haha

last week of September my dad's coworkers held farewell parties (yes plural) for my dad as his last day of work in the entirety of 40+ years of career has finally come... it was an emotional night, almost everyone volunteered to give a lil speech for my dad and said how they've lost and will miss my dad dearly, even some of his lab assistants cried. because my dad was stationed on duty at St Regis hotel naturally i was tagging along, and my dad's subordinates arranged me to be the special guest and yeah. i got teary eyed too because i got to witness yet again how loved my dad is. anyways, i highkey will miss the 'side privileges' i'm so used to get for being a child of a Bank lndonesia employee HEHEHE i mean free staycation at five star hotels almost every week? health insurance (which stopped as i turn 25 huhu) and many many many others. oh well. now it's my time taking care of my mum and dad then, my dream to provide the same or even better treatments than what i received 🥺

with my dad entering retirement, now aside from school i’m swamped with packing and boxing. we’re slowly moving things back to the Cibubur house while i prepare some of my stuffs to carry to my cousin’s house. not gonna lie feeling quite sad because the benefits of having a house in the center of South Jakarta scene are endless! 😂 almost everything is within fingertips’ reach and i’m used to living in that part of the city that never sleeps. Cibubur’s pretty quiet and Bendi (my cousin’s house region) though just a few districts away from Blok M isn’t really the life of the party. i will miss Panglima Polim and everything surrounding it 🥹

last note: these days i'm feeling like life is really that unexpected? so many things i didn't even dream ever happening are thrusted onto my hands right now as we speak and they turn out to be all i've ever wanted? i think i've perfected the formula of doing good + be good + trust the timing. a simple example would be me getting back to school (you can tell i’m not done feeling super happy after getting accepted 😂) excited for more to come, major changes or challenges are welcome: bring it on! i'm ready and up for all kinds of surprises hehe

that's it for September! two months and i'll be 26... 9 months fly away just like that huh 😅 a reminder for me and everyone reading this to enjoy time as it goes, make every second count and special. see you next month!

[pluto-projectorrr]

Hi tumblr, let me give this page kind of a little note. Perhaps sometime i'll re-read this note.

2022 such an amazeeeng year, actually. So much lesson i earn that year and yes, it maybe same for next day or maybe i'll modify or have a new pov, so dynamic.

First, every destiny is good, even we need time to realized it. Like i mention before, that year i moved to small city near forest and lake. It takes more than 12 hours to reach provincial capital. Tbh this place good for vacation like 2-7 days, but u'll get boring so i felt it. Until i realize that is not so bad. I feel more alive here, no more overtime and no more impromptu task. I have time for myself, reading, writing, or do sport. I was thinking, it's litterally such on Quran 2:216, maybe u don't like it, but it's good for u, yes, He knows, always.

Second, there is out there we can't control. We have plan, but it doesn't work, we need to accept it, fast or slow, may God help us. Someone left me that year which is good for both of us. At first, so many question in my head, but i choose not to search that answer. For some case, ignorance is bliss. I remember the wise word, from Al Ghazali: what is destined for u, it will be urs even if it is under two mountains, and what it is not urs, u'll not get it even if it is already between ur lips.

Third, for some case, telling ur boundaries and telling ur intentions will save both of u. Several months ago, i know that beautiful lady, look like good girl, with adorable character. We know each other, like yea just know actually, not like "know" each other. How i explain it? So, i try to confess with her, her reaction is good, but yeah nice try, is okay. Couple weeks later, there is someone who i think, likes me (tbh i dont know if she try to reach me or what, but many friends and people around us told me that she is likes me). For beginning, she asked me about work-things, and i don't know, i just respond usually, like other friend ask me. But, maybe she think i interested to her as couple, but no. Sorry if i hurt u. One of my friend said, "way, u r so kind, too friendly, maybe if we have a same age or u r older than me, i'll fall in love with u", oh i got the point. I'll not change my personality, but i'll set boundaries. I feel sorry for the broken lady, but it give me lesson, so thank you.

Fourth, being surrounding positivity is sooooo f powerful. This lesson i take from the lady i adore couple months ago. She is always look happy, even i know she's not. Do u realized, our world full of complaining, in real life our co-worker complain, in social media (especially twitter) full of complain, so much people think this is the bad life but actually there is only bad day. Complaining is natural, is humanist. I did several times, but rarely right now (haha). If some sh*t happen to me, i'll try to see from other side or being positive thinking like 'it must be good for me, maybe later i realize it'. Afterthat, i feel more relieved. So i just live it. Remembering Kartini's word: it is better to seek the light than to curse the darkness.

Fifth, myself is more more more important. I really love myself right now, i love my life, and everything on me. Alhamdulilaaah, God give me perfect body-part, have a healthy brain, beautiful eyes, and everything. Mazkun was right: yang sebaiknya kau jaga, adalah dirimu sendiri (the things that u better take care of, is urself).

Yes, it is. Maybe i'll adding some note later, but yeah, let face 2023 with brightly smile, optismistic, and more "Alhamdulillaah". 2022 was a tough year, but alhamdulillaah i'm safe and sound.

Ps: video is my very very 1st time try airport train🚄

[dragonmasterhiccup]

Freya was silently thankful that Hiccup began to talk, concluding in her mind that he was better at carrying these types of conversations. She used the opportunity to calm herself down, hoping her face wasn't too red anymore. Her parents, on the other hand, seemed to be engrossed in every word the future Chief spoke, slightly leaning forward in their seats as they attentively listened.

However, as Hiccup mentioned seeing another side of her, she felt the same warmth begin to invade her ears - again. It didn't help that he would look at her every now and then as he talked; she found herself keeping her gaze settled on him while he continued speaking on her behalf, not having the strength to pull her eyes away from him.

Her mother wasn't ignorant of how Freya was staring at him, making a smile form on her lips as she listened to Hiccup. Once he finished, though, she was quick to voice her own thoughts with a content sigh: "It definitely looks like you two have fallen in love." She lightly chuckled at her daughter as she sat up straighter in her chair, cheeks hidden in a shade of red while she muttered, "Mom! I think we get it..!"

Yrsa brushed a piece of her brown hair away from her ear, turning to gaze at Ragnar, who was now keeping his eyes on Hiccup as though inspecting him from where he was seated, "I think our daughter has made a fine choice in deciding who to be in a relationship with. What about you, Ragnar?" Her question made Freya become more stiff, watching as her father briefly rubbed his forehead before pointedly looking back at Hiccup.

"I understand that you're the Chief's son...and you've taken on a lot of challenges for Berk nearly all by yourself but.." He paused - an excruciating one that probably only lasted for a few seconds, "..Are you able to handle courting someone like my daughter?" His voice was firm, steady and assertive as he kept his focus on Hiccup, silently seeing if he would keep eye contact as he did so.

Freya slightly shifted in her chair, already noticing her father's challenging stare, "Dad, is this really necessary--" Her words were hastily interrupted by Ragnar as he nodded, not once looking away from the Chief's son, "Yes. Just because his father is the Great Stoick the Vast, doesn't mean I can't see if he's truly fit for you."

'There he goes again..' Freya lowered her head, gazing at her hands while she remained silent. While they spoke, she hadn't noticed Ayla come down from the stairs, quietly watching as they conversed among each other with a curious lift of her chin.

Her younger sister watched as her older sibling fidgeted with her hands, tapping on her knees every so often as she kept her mouth shut. To Ayla, she appeared...nervous - scared, even. She didn't like that look on her, and she wanted to do something to try and help, but she remained in her spot as she too listened to Ragnar and Hiccup.

As he spoke, he didn't have to worry about making it look authentic... because he was telling the full, complete truth.

Hiccup turned red as well, hearing Yrsa's comment. He knew better than to correct her though, seeing how Ragnar was looking at him.

Well, at least Freya's mom approved.

But Ragnar, on the other hand...

While Freya seemed to wilt at Ragnar's comment, Hiccup saw it as a father just protecting his daughter, and a very valid question at that.

Leaning forward in his chair, Hiccup was quiet for a moment, eyes cast down as he thought out his next words carefully.

"Am I wrong in guessing that when you ask me that, you're actually asking if I feel that I am good enough to court Freya?"

Daring to meet Ragnar's eyes, he continued. "Absolutely not. I don't think anyone is good enough for her, least of all me. But, here's the thing..." Glancing over at Freya, he continued, "I care very much about your daughter. I care about who she is as a person, what she likes, what makes her happy... What she wants out of life."

"I can tell you that when it comes to courting her, I don't see it as something to handle, like the challenges you mentioned that I have taken on. I see it as an opportunity, an opportunity to, to see her smile more, make her happy. To not only truly see if we are a good match, but...because I genuinely want to get to know her better. To see if we work well together, side by side, whether we're just sparring in training or filling out the corners of the map, or when doing anything together, really. I just...I like being around her, and seeing her smile... making her laugh."

He hadn't realized just how long he had been talking until he saw three, no four pairs of eyes staring at him.

When did Ayla come in?

His eyes quickly flitted to Freya. He hadn't planned on saying all of that, it just...it just happened. Feeling his ears burning, he came to realize that everything he'd said was true.

Clearing his throat, he finished with, "I, I hope that answers your question..."

[ego-morior]

LIX:

March 16, 2024.

Healing isn't linear, at least that's what I've come to understand two weeks shy of my 31st birthday.

My body decided to celebrate the four year anniversary of Covid by getting it for the first time. I've lost my sense of smell and taste and have been out of work for a week. I'm currently making breakfast; cheese grits with soft scrambled eggs and bacon. The southern culture has clearly seeped into my current food cravings.

As I stirred the grits while the hot water claimed each speck, I thought about how funny it was to have gotten Covid four years after the fact. I thought about four years ago. I thought about that two week vacation we all thought we were getting. I remembered how serious it had gotten when I went to my first job and they laid me off because I had a second job, only to go to my second job for them to tell me I was laid off because I had another job. I remember crying so bad on my friend's couch that I passed out until it was dark out. I remember spending my newly found free time reading or playing animal crossing on my friend's front porch, feeling the leisure of a drawn-out wonderful sunny afternoon. I remember thinking back then that it couldn't be the end of the world because the birds still chirped the same.

And then, for the first time in a very long time, I remembered him.

I remembered how my heart fell into the depths of my stomach when I saw his name on my phone screen after so much time had passed and how I feared the worst. When I finally got the courage to answer, he said a simple "hi."

We eased into conversation as if no time had passed us. He asked how I was and how my family was doing, and I naturally did the same. We laughed about how crazy the world had gotten lately, and when words were hard to find, it was the loudest silence I had ever heard. Although our time together had ended, when the idea of the world ending slipped into reality, he gently considered me, the person he experienced life with for 8 years. I think at the end of the conversation, I cried a bit, but I don't really remember anything after that call.

The fondness of that memory melted into my heart, and within seconds, an overwhelming sense of rage and frustration took over. I can't honestly tell you why or for what reason, but what I do know is that my blood boiled and my tears had managed to pierce through uninvited. And in that moment, at the end of that string of thoughts tied loosely together by a random single memory, I thought of my mother.

I thought of her.

And her fits of rage and frustration.

And I cried even more.

I think in that moment I even cried for her.

My mother had fallen in love with my father the same way I had once fallen in love with the man who called me during Covid. He was her first in every way, and every new treasured experience was made with him and his face embedded in its memory.

After their separation, she stewed in resentment for decades, and there was never another love in her life again. Later on, when I was older, she confided in me about how my father had helped ruin all of the hopes she had for her life. She mentioned sadly, almost in embarrassment, that after realizing the existence of me inside her, she was suddenly flooded with the endless possibilities that laid out in front of her. She envisioned a big family, a loving home, shared holidays and a shared life, a brand new purpose in life, one that wouldn't be so difficult and so lonely along the way.

But things didn't work out that way.

She never got that large home or the extra kids she had already picked out names for. She never wore that white dress. She never had a consecutive Valentine's or an anniversary present. She never got the chance to experience watching someone else grow old alongside her with photos and videos as proof.

Sometimes, in my own selfish way, I forget she was once young and stupid in love too. Sometimes, more than I'd like to admit, I forget I am molded in her likeness. I've become the age where I look in the mirror and see the face she wore when I was younger. And I look into my eyes and recognize the same sadness that lingered in hers.

So many years have passed since my first and only relationship, I've come to understand that my reluctance to embrace new connections and refusal to let others know me on a deeper level, is merely a reflection of my mother's earnest plea to shield herself from enduring that kind of pain ever again.

And as the grits bubbled violently in front of me, I began to stir harder than I cried. I realized, if I am only half my mother's bitterness when it comes to love, then I understand why she was the way she was back then, and why she is the way she is now.

I finally turn off the burner, the cheese and butter now fully incorporated into the ripples of the mixture in front of me. The grits are done, and so is the unexpected love letter I ranted in my head for my mother. And while I began pouring some into a bowl, I contemplated calling her just to say a simple "hi."