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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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8/11/23

I am a gigantic ball of emotions today. Mostly depression, but a lot of bubbling emotions... like fear and anger and sorrow.

Needless to say, it's been a difficult day. I am also exhausted from it, so I'm doing this "early" at 10:30PM so I can try to get to bed early. But given that the majority of my anger has been focused towards the stomping and creaking coming from upstairs, that has been going on ALL FUCKING DAY... I may not even be able to get to sleep early. I can't even put into words how many times I've been just on the edge of being relaxed or about to fall asleep, and then I hear what my brainstem interprets as the equivalent of a stick snapping behind me in the woods and my heart fucking jumps. If I told my doctor half of the stress and shit I endure daily, he would not be remotely surprised why I have high blood pressure. It makes me worry for my health.

So... that's opening scope here for the primary topic of the day. Panic responses, and trauma responses. So... there's the commonly known Fight... seems like a lot of people like that one. Responding to a reflex brainstem fear signal with anger, conflict, aggression. Being surprised and scared that someone cut you off in traffic, and responding by screaming and flipping them off and hitting shit. There's Flight... which is running away, and I would absolutely include avoidance with that. Though avoidance is typically anticipatory, rather than reactive... I'm kinda talking more about in-the-moment reactions now. Flight is when I bend down to offer an apple to a wild rabbit in the woods and it just goes "nope" and fucking bolts out of there. And the third well known one is... Freeze. That would be the classic deer-in-the-headlights, like getting on stage and forgetting your lines and feeling completely paralyzed in place.

These are very rudimentary brain functions rooted in the brainstem, which can... override higher brain functions. So you can, in that moment, try to send a signal from your brain to those muscles and try to move them, and your own self-protective mechanisms from a different center of your own brain will prevent you. That's my understanding and experience, at least. I've witnessed and experienced this first-hand with skateboarding. I'm sure you've experienced at least Freeze in your life. A good analogy would be getting up on a big high-dive or a bungee jump and trying to make yourself jump off. There is a survival force within you that roots you in fucking place. And you need to find out how to bypass that force in order to make yourself jump. I remember doing a zip-line on a high ropes course, that was probably the strongest I've felt this force in my life. Fight... maybe if you're deeply afraid of spiders and someone tries to put one on your back or something? And you scream and flail and get violent without even thinking? And Flight... my most vivid memory was when me and my college friend were drunk coming home from a party in the city early in the morning and the cops rolled up on us and he fucking booked it like a gunshot went off, in a split second he was up and over an iron-wrought fence into a graveyard. I've never seen anyone climb like that, that was pure instinct. My version was smoking weed behind an old abandoned bowling alley and the cops rolled up on us... we all split up and sprinted out of there into the woods in the middle of the night with no flashlights. And I hid on the ground and put leaves over me at first... then booked it into the woods and kept clawing my way through the thicket, knowing that the woods I was in would eventually dump out into the street, it would just be a hell of a climb to get there. And after about 5 minutes of clambering through thickets, I realized... I wasn't on the ground anymore... I was definitely suspended in some kind of big bush or tree. I literally couldn't even see, I just kept blindly climbing and climbing. And I ended up making it to the street, covered in mud, bloody from thorns and branches. And I ran and hid behind a dumpster at the pizza place I used to work at and called my friend, and he was like "hey... where did you go? We all went a different way. We were wondering where you went." That fucking instinct took over and I wasn't gonna stop until I knew I was safe. It felt life or death.

But there's one lesser known panic/trauma response that I had always heard about... but I didn't really know much about. I do suffer from all of these responses, I think we all do to one degree or another. I have been making tremendous strides in dealing with Fight, and Flight has been kept in much better moderation. Freeze, I still struggle with a bit. But the last one has been... much less obvious to me... and I had a gigantic spotlight shone on it today - Fawn.

Fawning is... making people happy. I clumsily compared it to someone putting their head in a lion's mouth today, because that's kinda... what it feels like? Or like... what I'm afraid I'm doing? I'll explain more in a bit. It's a compulsion to give and give and keep the other person happy and sacrifice your needs (what needs?) and sacrifice your boundaries... to keep them happy and keep yourself safe. This is probably not the best way of describing it, I can absolutely give real world examples though, I've got them in spades.

See... I've gotten in this really weird place now. Now that I'm aware of what fawning is - a learned behavior of people-pleasing used in an attempt to... lessen abuse either to myself or others - I'm aware that I react that way... a lot. And I've confused it with my personality. I've confused it with being nice, being polite, being respectful, being a good guy. To the point where I struggle to tell apart fawning and confidence. And this works out really fucking well for people who love being the center of attention, or being pampered, or taking advantage of people, or manipulating people, or pushing people around. When that part of my brain gets activated - which is a response to a perceived threat of abuse situation, let's not forget, and my body 100% believes those are the stakes - I turn into the nicest guy you've ever met. I will literally give you the shirt off my back and the keys to my house. ... You can see why that might pose a problem?

This whole time I've been acting like I'm afraid of someone mugging me... when the most likely threat to my home security would be me going into panic mode and compulsively trying to give my keys to someone I met on the street and say "yeah, sure, stay at my house whenever you want." (That's a little bit of an exaggeration, but honestly... it's not that much of a stretch).

Now that I've covered what fawning is, and how it works... Let me tell a quick story. When I met my ex, I was very direct about wanting to try a friends-with-benefits situation. I was a very different person in that stage of life, intentionally. I have always been a deeply sentimental romantic, and I wanted to try an experimental phase to see if that kind of relationship would actually work for me. I have theories that my emotions being heavily suppressed by benzos and antidepressants played into that as well, lessening the emotional guilt or... awkwardness? Weirdness? I don't what to call that. God, all of this feels like a lifetime ago, it's so strange... Anyway, we agreed on that. It was my way of staving off my bitter loneliness, without having to commit to a relationship with someone I wasn't really very attracted to... to be blunt... and an opportunity to explore my sexuality, which frankly just never happened at any point until my late 20's. Shortly after this agreement, this girl moved half a continent to be within a 40 minute drive of me, but "just because she liked the area".

I tried to get my life together, I started tapering off of the benzos and within a few weeks... I was asking her to be in a relationship with me. Despite us fighting, despite her really not being very supportive of me with my detox. I did it because I felt bad. And I was really lonely and scared. And I didn't want to upset her, and kinda felt the pressure from her moving all the way out here. And honestly, in the end? Getting in a relationship for those reasons... was really not a kind thing to do. And I've learned from that.

We did have a lot of good times, please don't get me wrong. She really was a good friend... sometimes. And I grew tremendously in the time we spent together, I learned so many things about myself and others and overcame a lot of lifelong personal demons. Unfortunately, it was insanely unhealthy.

You know, now that I think about it... okay... I've never really been able to figure this one out. Try this on for size. So... I'd have a fight with her. Okay, let me just start that over to be a little more fair to myself... XD Rewind... So, I'd just bring up a random thing that made her insecure, right? Like... the gold standard example of this was the time we were playing Starcraft co-op vs AI Monobattles and she got Archons and I got something else like Roaches or something, I don't even remember. And we were struggling in the game a lot, and I couldn't carry because of the monobattle unit limitations. So the game dragged out for like an hour. And she was really demoralized and not talking at all. And after the game, I did what I always do (because I've been playing games forever) and I sorta debriefed to see what we learned that match. And I asked her about upgrades, because I noticed in the late-game that she had just not gotten higher upgrades, which are essential at that stage. And she just flipped out, as though I accused her of doing something wrong. Accuse, accusation, that word is very deliberate, it was treated like I was pointing a shaming finger at her and yelling, which I absolutely did not. And, honestly, this was probably an unmanaged trauma response of hers. But what I'm setting this story up for is... that fight? Which was me trying to make sense of what the fuck was going on, why she was upset, why we were fighting... at all... and trying to resolve the dissonance between us so we could share a bed together at the end of the night... That fight went on for at least 6 hours. With me going outside to smoke cigarettes being the only breaks. And that length of conflict was common. The longest fight we had was just over 11 hours straight. We didn't even stop for meals.

I don't know a single fucking person who can say they were in a fight for 6 hours. Or who can even process the concept of being in a fight for 11 hours straight. And now that I'm really diving into this... That wasn't Fight at all. That was someone fighting me. I was rarely ever fighting at all. My primary goal at all times was peace. I don't think that was Freeze, I was very active in that situation. I was very capable of leaving the situation, though I just... didn't. There were some rare times that I actually did. But I see Freeze as more... not being able to interact, and I could articulate my perspective clear as day, despite it going unheard. I wasn't sitting there catatonic for 6 hours, I was trying to find a middle ground. It definitely wasn't Flight, that's pretty obvious. So... why the fuck else would I stay in that situation? Why wouldn't I just walk the fuck away and go "I really don't deserve to be treated this way"? Or "she can talk to me when she's ready to hear me out"? Because I want to be a "good guy".

Welcome to the mindset of that person. "Can I trust them to come back?" "I don't want to lose them without trying." "It's my job to give everything I have to make this right. It's my duty."

In a way... it kinda felt narcissistic, in the years since then reflecting on it. As though the outcome of that situation hinged on my actions. It's weird how depression/trauma can manifest dogshit self-esteem like that... how blaming and holding yourself accountable for literally everything... including the actions of others... is really just making it about yourself. But in a super not positive way. But hey, if you're to blame... that means you're responsible... that means... you can do something. That means... you're not powerless. You have agency. And for a victim? That's worth more than gold.

So here's the big unlock of the day. That I'm still chewing on and trying to figure out how to make sense of. I was right there, and I got most of the way, my awesome therapist helped connect the dots. I have a lot of anticipatory anxiety. I'm trying to find the best way to phrase this, I had difficulty earlier too. I'm not as much anxious about the situation itself, but anxious about... how I'm going to act? That I'm going to blind myself to warning signs, to red-flags. That I'm going to do the thing where I know I'm not attracted to my ex, and I know a relationship with her is a really bad idea, but I feel really pressured and guilty and I don't want to upset her and... hey, maybe we can make it work?

I often feel like a grown child. I really do. A very intelligent, wise, well-read, articulate child. I feel vulnerable, naïve and easy to manipulate. And I'm honestly probably not, probably not nearly as much as I think I am. But I feel that way. And that's enough for the panic brain to kick in. And... since time immemorable... predatory people have swarmed me like flies to shit. Not exclusively, but a fucking lot. Most, honestly, in retrospect. So... I'm fearing both that I'm very vulnerable and inexperienced and starry-eyed... and that I'm just going to shove my head right into the jaws of a lion. Completely unaware. Like I have been time and time again. And the trauma flashbacks from that fear... they make the fear responses worse. And the anticipation worse.

And there's also the retrospective anxiety too. Going over an experience like meeting that woman yesterday 10,000x and scanning for red flags and analyzing my behavior and all that. Good lord, this is all so goddamn exhausting.

No wonder I want to avoid all of this. It's so much. When, on the other hand, I can just sit here and polish beads and listen to Elden Ring lore analysis all day. And not worry about whether someone is just trying to use me as a free therapist, and dump their shit on me, when I'm going skating to get out of my head, not to get into someone else's. And then I have to do the last thing I ever want to do - be "rude" and set boundaries. "Sorry, I would love to hear about your ex-boyfriend who's not really a boyfriend but more of a friend and he's really insensitive and manipulative and obsessed with money and lies to you a lot and is a deadbeat father of 6 but like... he doesn't mean it, he's just confused and... but I really want to skate before it gets dark, because like... this is a skatepark. And I came here to skate." I don't want to be "an asshole". I don't want to "hurt peoples' feelings". And my fawning ass will just stand there being eaten alive by a swarm of mosquitos watching the sunlight fade when I could be skating... because I'm too scared to upset this woman who is being "so generous to offer me the time of day to interact with me".

Look, revisiting that. She was nice. She did ask me some questions about myself. But she did spend nearly the entire time just talking about herself and her problems... while I was at a skatepark obviously skating. And she tried to talk me out of trying a new trick... ain't no fucking skater in that park gonna talk me out of trying a boardslide on the round rail, they're going to encourage me. Someone please tell me that's a red flag.

I did end the conversation with quite a mic drop yesterday though. She said at the very end of the conversation that she felt bad she was talking the whole time, I said I love to hear stories and I have plenty of stories of my own. And she said she would be interested in hearing some sometime... and I said... "all you have to do is ask." And... I guess that's a tiny tiny bit passive aggressive, like... it's a not so subtle hint that like... if you want to know about someone... it helps to... show an interest in them? Not just talk about yourself the whole time. So, kind of a guiding hand, a subtle instruction manual on how to make the next interaction a bit more functional for both of us, if she's interested. Or like... maybe have a bit more of an interest in skating... when we're at a skatepark... idk.

So yeah, I just have this gut instinct that... might not be the best situation? We really don't have anything in common. Very different worlds. We're just both... people who give a little too much to people who tend to take advantage of that. And I didn't take advantage of that... and I'm afraid that will make her feel like she's falling for me. When really... it's just the unfamiliar feeling of... safety. And trust me, I can relate to that. But I'm just... I have my own demons right now. And they are screaming and howling in my head. Especially with my "former friend" reopening a lot of traumatic wounds, and having to explain that my fucking parents pay my rent and shit. I'm super sensitive and I have PTSD, and I need to pace myself, so... she's gonna have to understand that.

So yeah, I feel like I got a much broader understanding of my trauma responses today, or at least opened the gates on it. But I don't have a fucking clue what to do. I just feel like... I'm in so deep at this point. I'm afraid I'm just... never going to feel safe around people again. I'm afraid that I'm always going to jump at floorboard creaks as though I'm hearing an animal snap a twig behind me at night, and have my heart race to my throat and surge adrenaline through my system. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to recognize the difference between a genuinely friendly person... and a wolf in sheep's clothing. Not due to lack of intelligence, but due to trauma responses overriding my judgement and forcing this "cool, confident, nicest, most polite and generous guy in the world" persona. Which is genuine, in that I will absolutely act on it. But it's... ugh... how do I put this.

I should give my time and --- I'm hitting inner conflict, and it's with my spiritual side. Part of me is saying "be loving and forgiving and kind and generous to everyone, breathe love out into the world". And the other part goes "even that guy who's asking for my PIN number?"

It's one thing to love someone who has earned that love - like a good friend or a good family member. It's a bit harder to love a stranger from a distance, but it's possible. It's even harder to love a stranger to their face, but it's possible. It's near impossible to love a stranger who is taking your wallet from your pocket. But I am here to tell you, it's possible. And... if you're like me? It can be compulsive. And... I don't know how to practice not doing that. And my spiritual side is whispering... "why are you unlearning how to love unconditionally?"

So... I'm a bit unsure whether this is a therapy dilemma or a spiritual dilemma, so I really don't know where to go to address it. I'm just so tired of living this way. -_- I'm so tired of being scared to say "no" to people. I feel like a fucking coward. I have been promising myself all day I was going to be kinder to myself and not say shit like that, but I just need to get the thoughts out of my head. I feel like a coward. I feel timid and frail. If gods were the embodiment of concepts, like love or war or wisdom... and they are paid tribute by being kept in mind and channeled through your method of addressing life... if that is worship... Then my life is just a giant temple to the god of Fear. I'm scared of going out, because I'm scared of meeting new people and then being scared of saying no when they cross a boundary with me, or scared I won't be able to walk away without them getting hostile with me. Scared, scared, scared.

But the real bitch here. This isn't just run-of-the-mill anxiety. These fears have been validated by repeated empirical evidence - trauma. They have logic chains, they have memories attached, the offending characters have faces and names. So... and I'm really not even kidding here... interrupting this woman to say "I need to go, it's getting dark out and skating when its dark is super dangerous" feels like trying to get myself to pick up a cooking pot that I know for a fact just came off the stove and is scalding hot. That is what I'm going up against.

How do I practice that when I'm in isolation? When I have no friends, no family, no social contact outside of my therapist? I don't know. Roleplay, maybe? Maybe just... make a character that's super rude... and then dial back my real-life experiences? I dunno.

I'm just kinda... okay. I've been looking at career shit today. I started to look up Masters programs. I'm thinking of applying for scholarships and seeing if I can get into a college walking distance away and work there to make some cash while I'm not in class and just... do fucking something with my life. I don't know. I can't teach without a Masters degree. If I go back to school, I could really apply myself to trying to meet people this time. Faculty. Really try to build personal connections and transition into a career outside of college. I was really thinking... Ancient Art History would be fucking perfect. It covers so many things I love - archaeology, art, world history, spirituality. All lumped into one. But the college near me doesn't offer that, not a Masters. So... I could try a second BA... but then I can't teach... And honestly... I don't even know if I want to teach! I mean... can I really go from being in extreme isolation for 4 years to... standing in front of a class of like 100 students talking about Gobekli Tepe for an hour? ... Maybe?

I just feel... very behind. And like I just... wasted my life. I don't believe that. I look at the art and music and writing I've made over the years and I still am in awe that I actually made that. That was born from me. I brought that into the world. Blows my mind. I don't feel like anyone else in the world cares. Fucking at all. Not more that 10 seconds of their attention - "wow, you did that! No way! That's crazy..." And then they're on to the next thing. Meanwhile, that was 3 months of my life, all day every day. And don't even start me on how to get my fucking rent paid doing this shit.

So... yeah. I just don't know. I don't know how to make this work, and I've been really feeling super lost and depressed because of it. Existential crisis, kinda. Not as bad as others in the past, but it's not fun.

I'm gonna wrap this up by saying... you know when you're writing one of these in a browser and it ghosts out the homepage behind the post you're writing, but there's a post that pops up in the "Radar" section to the right? It's been staring me in the face this whole post. It's a drawing of a guy sitting in a windowsill, holding his knees to his chest, looking out the window with an expression I can't make out (it ain't happy), while rain is streaking down the window. It's oddly appropriate, since it's been raining all evening.

This is a moment. And it won't last forever. I just made a really cool deer drawing the other day, in permanent ink on one of my favorite pairs of pants. I hand-polished 26/88 beads. I've made tremendous strides of self-awareness and growth of my mental health and my spirit. I am very skilled, I am very smart, and I am very sensitive - I have been all my life. These are all gifts and curses. This storm will also pass. In the meantime, I need to make sure that I am being gentle with myself, because the cards I'm playing with are hard enough as-is... I don't need to make it more difficult by turning on myself.

Wish me luck getting to bed early, I still hear footsteps from upstairs. Fingers crossed.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness #ptsd

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noster-tempus · 1 year

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The excellent boost in executive functioning I experienced earlier this week is starting to wear off. Not terribly surprising. I still feel a lot better than last week.

Here's an approximate timeline of events:

3/10: my psychiatrist prescribes me sertraline. I go home for spring break.

3/11-3/17: I do not get my sertraline because my local CVS is a mess. Nevertheless, I remember how much energy I have when I get enough to eat, and hope that I will be able to maintain this when I am back at school.

3/18: My prescription comes through.

3/19: I take my first dose of sertraline, a miniscule 12.5 mg, in the morning. (50mg is generally considered the lowest therapeutic dose.) I return to school.

3/20-3/23: I have one of the worst weeks I've had in a long time, productivity-wise. I can't focus on anything because my brain is constantly screaming at me that I need food, but I can't convince myself to actually eat any of the available options. I spend a lot of time playing Minesweeper and Mahjong solitaire because it's the only thing that distracts me from the constantly-on-edge feeling. My teeth are also oddly sore, and I conclude that the sertraline must be making me clench my teeth more than usual. This is the only adverse effect I notice.

3/24-3/26: After buying a bunch of snacks, my concentration improves a bit but not much.

3/27, 9am: I take my first 25mg dose of sertraline.

3pm: I meet with someone from disability services at my college. Earlier in the semester I met with a more general academic coach, and he advised me to meet with someone from disability services, so I was hoping I would get more specialized advice. Instead, she basically gives me the same advice I've heard a million times, with an extra dose of sounding judgy ("You don't have class until 1:40 on Mondays and you're still late for it?") I leave the meeting in tears and generally feeling bad about myself.

4:30pm: I meet with a classmate in my Network Security class to work on a presentation. After the meeting, I am momentarily tempted to play a mindless computer game, but the leftover guilt from the earlier meeting means I can't bring myself to do so. Since I don't have anything else to do, I order a pizza and keep working on the presentation.

7pm: I go to a rehearsal for the play I'm assistant stage managing. It's tablework, so I only need to be half paying attention. The director and an actor are discussing a monologue about death, and one of them brings up panpsychism, the idea that everything has a consciousness. This causes me to have an experience I can only describe as "like death of the ego, but less so." Working on my network security presentation might not be the most exciting activity, but so what? Whether I'm having the most interesting possible moment this exact moment is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. So I spend the rehearsal listening to two people talking about religion and philosophy and physics and feeling a deep sense of wholeness and connection to the universe, while working on a PowerPoint about internet security.

3/28-3/30: Although the quasi-spiritual feeling wears off pretty quickly, I make the best of my newfound ability to decide what to focus on. I eat three meals per day and arrive on time for all my classes. My presentation goes very well. My social anxiety is significantly reduced, and I feel like I could strike up a conversation with anyone. I do a lot of homework, and mostly catch up. I spend my spare time reading about the pharmacology of SSRIs in an effort to figure out why this is happening. I continue to experience a bit of bruxism.

3/31: I'm a little bit tired, and starting to slip back into old habits, but I'm not too discouraged.

I'll go into the specifics of exactly what the sertraline and/or placebo effect seems to be doing in another post. It raises a lot of interesting questions about the boundaries between diagnoses.

#medication diaries #i need an adhd tag #slow tigers are chasing me #orig

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entishramblings · 2 years

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The Hobbit Characters as things my 70+ year-old Paleontology Professor has said:

Bombur: I know some people who run marathons? No, not me. Not with this belly.

Bilbo: There was an ostrich and I was in my jeep 10 feet away. I was fine...after the heart attack.

Kili: *sticks tongue out and screams while waving arms*

Bofur: And she said.,,,, ‘do you want some hyena poop? I have 3,000 in the back of my car.’

Beorn: I can see the back row today. Must be my really good drugs.

Ori: That nice bit of a good kale plant.

Radagast: A dinosaur poo-poo.

Fili: *walks headfirst into wall* ...Well, damn

Dori: My mother decided that i like broccoli without asking me.

Bard: Have you ever tried to find reverse in a foreign car while panicking?

Thorin: It's the CIA…they are spying on me.

Thranduil: If you want to take the final at 11:30pm with a beverage of choice, go for it.

Dwalin: My bald spot would stick out and the bird would land on my head and kill me. You would all be safe.

Alfrid: Arent those toes really cute? You just wanna go guchy guchy goooo!

Balin: They let me in the back of the museum with no chaperon once! *cue evil giggle*

pt1: the LOTR characters as things my 70+ year-old Paleontology Professor has said

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remingtonisleithal · 3 years

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Caught in the Storm

pairing: female!reader x Remington Leith

summary: two besties, being friends, sharing a bed because of a storm, definitely not going to lead to anything more.

warnings: smut, mentions of loneliness, no use of protection (don't be silly, wrap your willy), thigh riding? If you squint sub!remington

author note: if you like this please reblog! also, editing fics in the same room as family is bloody hard. Thank you @bidet-and-legolas for reading it first :)

oh gosh, that smile. He told himself he'd never fall but the moment he spoke to you, it was too late. Remington had fallen for Y/N. Years later, no one knew, but he couldn't keep it to himself for much longer.

You'd just spent the last few hours on his make shift bed on the tour bus, watching movies together. After hours had pasted, he was laying on his back, you were lying on him, back against his chest, and he was wishing that he could just kiss your head, your mouth, all of you. If he was going to make a move, now would be the right time, the guys had gone out for drinks hours ago so you had the bus to yourselves. This way no one would witness the rejection. No, no, he can't think like that. He needs you in his life.

You rolled over to face him more and mumbled a little 'I'm so tired Remi.' You looked at the computer in front of you both and saw it was 11:30pm. The sound of rain thundered down on the bus, as a violent storm began. "Shit, that weather's sounding bad." You were worried to go out into the pouring night. Remington was thinking the same things and said, much more softly than he intended, "Stay?". He coughed a bit and you pushed away the thought that he cared about you more than just a friend. It's just an offer after all, he's not asking you to kiss him... no matter how much you wanted to.

It was then that you realised you were still staring into his beautiful eyes. You wriggled gently to get up, claiming that nature calls and then turning red and regretting saying it instantly. In the small bathroom you hid for a moment, and wondered what to do. Maybe another movie? But you were exhausted and needed to go to sleep. Maybe he wouldn't mind you going to sleep?

"hey Remi?" you asked

"what's up Y/N/N?"

"Do you mind if I have a nap or something? i didn't sleep last night an-"

"Sure, I mean you can stay over if you want. It doesn't look like this storm is leaving." He cut you off.

Moments later, you had stripped into your undies (because no way are you trying to sleep in skinny jeans. Nope) and put on a baggy top Remington handed you, and he had changed into some shorts. And you were squished into his bed, Remington against the wall, you against him, no mattress to spare. It was going to be a long, long night of false unrequited love.

By the 2 am mark, the guys were not back, thunder jolted you awake. A groan.

"I can't fucking sleep with this storm" He groaned, and you agreed.

A moment passed. Silence except the storm.

"So. How's life?" Remington asked with a playful smile and you giggled.

"To be honest? Pretty bad." For once you answered the question with truth. Remington tried to wiggle around onto his back, but it failed. You shuffled over so you were facing each other.

"What's wrong?" his eyes and voice portrayed equal concern

"Nothing is right. To quote a very handsome man, I'm so sick and tired of being alone." he let out a half laugh as you called him handsome. "There's this guy. I love him so much and he will never know. I can't tell him."

"Well that's just dumb. You should tell him, no matter what happens, you have to be honest with yourself." He mentally punched himself for his hypocrisy, but he couldn't think of any other advice. What would he say, 'that's rough buddy'?

"It's not that easy. It's all just so hard. You know my track record with guys and girls, I never pick the right ones, I always get hurt and not in the fun way."

"The fun way? Oh so you like that?" He teased you with a laugh, without realising just how he was teasing you.

"Fuck off Remi. I know you have no rights to judge. My point is no one ever loves me, or seems to know how."

"Are we talking physical or emotional?"

"Both."

Conversations were always easy between you, and you saw no point in ignoring topics like sex.

You had both been looking away from each other for fear that the other might read their eyes and see the love in their souls. You were the first to look back.

"I just wish someone would kiss me. At this point, I'll take anyone! I'm just so fucking lonely. I know he'd never love me back, and-"

"Then he's a coward. He's not worthy for your love or of you if you feel you can't tell him this." He got so mad with jealousy, but overall he just felt horrible, as he believed he'd never be worthy of you. "You're perfect, do you know that?" He mumbled. He lent in, eyes pulling you closer, until the thunder boomed and you jolted apart.

You rolled over, scared, and there wasn't anywhere for Remington to put his arms besides around you. Slowly, you shuffled back into his warm arms and breathed a sigh. He moved around to get comfortable. You moved a little more, moving your hips a bit. You felt something hard against your butt and you let out a silent sigh. Neither of you were comfortable, and it was clear why when you moved your hips again and Remington couldn't hold it in. He let out the sexiest moan you'd ever heard.

"... Ah, Remi?"

"Shit, I'm sorry I didn't mean to I..." He rambled on, mortified and you moved your hips again. That made him shut up.

Turning around you looked into his eyes. They were pleading with you not to leave, not to freak. To just stay with him forever. Before he could stop himself, he lifted a hand to brush some hair away from your face, and, unable to form words, you let out a light whimper.

Neither of you could form coherent sentences, the conversation was held by your eyes. His, full of surprise, asking, 'do you like me?', biting your lip your eyes said yes. He smiled. Your hearts were beating so fast, but he moved slow towards you, gently placing an open mouthed kiss on your lips. A sea of emotions erupted in you as electricity flooded your body. He pulled away to look you in the eyes.

"Y/N, I have loved you since the moment I met you. I'm sorry I've been so scared to tell you, i can't handle the though of losing you."

"I- you- ah-" you couldn't form the words back, but you pulled him closer and kissed him with all the fire you felt in your heart. he responded with a groan and licked your lips, asking for entrance into your mouth.

You didn't hold back, and you explored each others mouths in a moment of excitement, bodies pressed against each other. You pulled away, needing oxygen, but he pulled you back, needing you more than air. Soon your were against each other, moaning, desperate for more.

"Remington?"

"Yes?"

"Take my shirt off?"

His response was immediate, tugging it off you, and claiming your mouth once again. Your hand wandered down his chest to his boxers. He released your mouth for a loud moan and you felt yourself instantly get wetter.

After muttering 'fuck' he kissed down your chest to your boobs, taking one nipple in his mouths and gently pinching the other, until your back was arched in pleasure. You nudged him back up, so you could reach down into his boxers.

He was painfully hard, and he was groaning in a mixture of pleasure and pain, as he had been hard for an hour trying to ignore your beauty.

"Please." he mumbled in your ear. Immediately, you moved your hand and put your leg in between his, starting to rub yourself onto his thigh as he did to yours. You were both a mess, sweaty and begging each other for more, more, more, until eventually you stopped humping him. You kissed down his chest but he stopped you.

"No. Please, I just need you now." So you both searched for a condom. You couldn't find one. He couldn't find one. You were dripping for him and he was painfully hard, you surrendered to your instincts.

You asked "are you good without?"

"I hope so."

You giggled a little but stopped when he took his undies off. He was perfect, enough to stretch you but not to hurt, and you felt your chest constrict without meaning to.

"How do you want me?" You asked

"However you want. I just need you." he said with a sigh

"Fuck" you moaned and climbed onto him.

You fell gently, both crying out in pleasure as you felt in all the way in you. You clenched and he moaned a high pitched moan that only turned you on more. Soon you were a mess, riding him, him thrusting into you in perfect timing, getting closer, closer, closer. Without saying a word he started to rub your clit gently. You screamed in pleasure and asked for him to go harder, faster. You cupped his balls and he groaned.

"I'm not gonna last much longer." he grunted into you, and you lay on top of him, boobs pressed to his chest, turning you on like nothing else. You ran a hand through his spiky, sweat-dampened hair and whispered:

"come into me, then"

You clenched and he was done, and seeing the face he made of pure ecstasy sent you over the edge, coming undone harder than ever before. Hands on your hips he helped you ride it out, and breathing heavy, you stayed like that for a long time.

"wow" was all Remington said and you laughed, rolling over. He climbed across you to find a wet wash cloth and clean you both up, taking time to kiss you softly and he cleaned you, only making you wet again.

"I love you Remington."

"I lov-" the doors to the bus suddenly opened, Sebastian screeched and shut it immediately, not wanting any more of a visual than he got. Neither of you realised the rain had stopped.

#remington leith #remington x reader #palaye royale #palaye royale smut #smut #remington kropp #fanfic #punching bag #palaye royale x reader #remington leith smut

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disasterlegend · 3 years

Text

Things that the chain would do in a modern au: cooking edition

in which half are literally just stupid things that I’ve done, and the other half are some of my proper headcanons for the boys ! :)

one of them, honestly any of them, would be in the kitchen cooking who knows what, and proceeds to get oil on their laptop (yes i use my laptop in the kitchen while baking i am a fiend who can’t do anything without some kind of music). so they just pick up the dish sponge that is soaking wet and soapy and uses it to clean off the surface of the laptop. Five seconds later either one of the others who just happens to be in the kitchen witnessing it or the person who did it is just standing there like “what the hell did I just do ???”/“why did I just do that ??” as they frantically wipe the water off of the laptop using their apron

apron is covered in pet hair (most likely twilight or wild)

Hyrule over-oils nearly everything. Like the baking tray that you spray to bake a cake or brownies in? emptied nearly half a can of oil. That sautéed mushroom dish that they’re trying to make? puts like 2 tablespoons more than necessary and the entire dish turns out really oily/greasy

Wind would turn on the stove and then go upstairs and forget that he turned it on

or alternatively he would turn on the stove to boil something and it would boil over right in front of him because he was watching funny videos instead of paying attention

I’d like to think that legend is slightly decent in the kitchen, I just think with like who he is as a person he has a lot of pride in what he’s making where like he’s practiced enough so it’ll come out decent

Sky only knows one recipe and it’s pumpkin soup. Absolutely nothing wrong with that because he never gets tired of it and neither do the rest of them

I feel like warriors can also cook but it’s also way harder for him and kind of like hyrule he’ll mess up measurements and overcook things

Time can make oatmeal. That’s literally it. Like he’ll assist Malon in the kitchen during dinner because he’s a good husband but he does not do the main cooking. he will burn it

four would be unbelievably precise with measurements

wild would not measure like anything if he could help it

both would come out amazing though regardless

hyrule can’t cook meals but holy shit he can bake. he’s harassed into making brownies and banana bread all the time by the others

twi cannot bake but can cook and he 100% cooks odd but amazing vegetable dishes

he works extra hard to mask certain vegetables in order to get the rest of them to eat healthy. ie: finely chops mushrooms so none of them know they’re there until after the meal when he reveals it all dramatic like a villain while the children (wind) scream

time would try to teach them all how to barbecue because he’s the ultimate dad but in truth he learned from wars

wars laughs when he burns things and immediately takes over the grilling

so it ends up being both wars and time who teach the others the art of grilling lets be real that grilling is hard so time gets a little bit of slack. doesn’t stop wind from laughing at him though

wind isn’t allowed to cook/bake half the time but the boy is incredible with spices, like he can tell exactly what spice a recipe needs just in a taste test, and which vegetables pair well together depending on sauces. he’s like a master chef with zero technical skill

that said wind is the biggest critic

wind: did you measure the vanilla extract correctly? wild, who has never properly measured vanilla extract in his life: no <3 wind, a little gremlin: yeah i can tell

four and sky are the only ones who don’t tear up from cutting onions

they all have stupid aprons (i personally have a cat patterned, hulk, and all might aprons and i absolutely think they would have those if not something similar)

twi would 100% wear a cat apron

sky would have a “kiss the cook” apron that he wears all the time because the group gifted it to him as a gag but he loves it

wild would cook at literally any hour

“it’s 11:30pm. put the cookie dough away and finish tomorrow” “if i don’t finish it now i’m never going to finish it” “please go to bed” “no”

he only listens and goes to bed when malon asks him to

sky and hyrule help wild make cookies, he’ll make the dough and then they all take turns rolling it out and using cookie cutters to shape them

warriors likes to help ice them though

wars: *holds up bunny cookie that he iced pink* look it’s you legend: i will remove your knees

wild also stress cooks/bakes. time will know somethings wrong when he comes home one day to see like three different pies in the refrigerator, four cakes varying in size and flavor, and about 15 dozen different cookies in various containers stacked around the kitchen, and wild is standing there icing another cake on a makeshift cake spinner that is constructed out of a large pot and a plastic plate

the boys both love and hate his stress baking.

pros: so many snacks.

cons: too many snacks.

wind consumes too many cookies at once, regrets it for an hour, and then comes back to try each of the cakes

i mentioned it partially in my list but like here’s a chart too just for a better idea

this was fun ! let me know what y’all think or if you want to hear more of my headcanons :3

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atlafan · 4 years

Text

I’m Having Your Baby - Part 2

a/n: professor!Harry one shot! if someone could tell me why I’m a SLUT for professor!Harry that would be great. 9K of angst, some smut and fluff. not proofread. Thank you all for the overwhelming support of the first part, I couldn’t believe how much everyone liked it! The story won’t be continuing from her, and I didn’t want to continue it all, but I got so many kind words I didn’t wanna leave y’all hanging. I hope you all like it as much as the first part!

Read I’m Having Your Baby Part 1 here.

Needless to say, things got very awkward around the house between the two of you after your little romp. It felt amazing, it was so nice to just have someone tough you…but you felt guilty. You used him. He felt guilty too. He knew you were vulnerable and maybe not thinking straight.

“I said yes to a question I should have said no to.”

Is all you said to him before getting out of his bed, and going back to your own. It was impulsive and stupid, and the two of you knew it. He wanted you to answer his more important question, but you couldn’t wrack your head around it. Did you want to be his girlfriend again? Did he truly mean he wanted you again, and not just because you were carrying his child? It was too much to think about, so you didn’t.

You barely spoke over the next few days, or than some good mornings or how’d you sleeps, and the car rides were absolutely silent. During your lunch break on Monday, you decide to call Nora, and tell her what happened. Maybe she could snap you out of whatever it was going through your mind.

“I know you have pregnancy brain and all, but are you fucking stupid?”

“Nora…” You sigh.

“I mean, buy a fucking dildo if you need something up in there!”

“It wasn’t about that! No one had even touched me since the last time he and I had sex, I need to be touched by someone other than myself. You know what’s aggravating? I was supposed to have a date the day I found out I was pregnant. Of course I cancelled it, but sometimes I wish I hadn’t. I mean, people date pregnant people right?”

“Oh please, that would’ve gotten complicated and you know it. How have things been at home?”

“Silent…he can barely look at me. I think he feel used.”

“Good, shoe is on the other foot for a change.” She pauses for a moment. “So you haven’t even talked about it?”

“He tried to after…he basically told me he wanted us to be together again, and I told him we wouldn’t even be talking if it weren’t for the baby, and he said he didn’t believe that. Like he was so confident we would have found our way back to each other again.”

“Horse shit.”

“I know, and then he asked me what he could do to prove that he’s serious, and I got up and left the room.”

“Good! Don’t give into him. You’re living with him out of security and necessity. How was it?”

“How was what?”

“The sex?”

“God, it was incredible! He remembered exactly what I liked, and the familiarity just made everything so much intense. I’d do it again if he didn’t think it meant something.”

“That’s just your hormones talking.”

“Yeah, well, they’re screaming at me now. I want it all the time, and now that I’ve had it again I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“Buy a dildo, watch some porn, and stay in your own room.”

You had another bad dream, a nightmare really. You woke up drenched in sweat, and you were horrified at the things your brain was coming up with. You sit up and start crying. It was still early in the evening, it was only around 9:30PM. You had started going to bed earlier since the incident. Harry was just getting upstairs when he heard you. He sighs and goes further down the hall, and taps on your door.

“Y/N?” He opens it slightly and his face falls when he sees your hands covering yours.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” He says softly, inching further into the room. “What happened?”

“I had a bad dream.” You whisper. You feel his weight dip the bed, and you look over at him.

“What was it this time?”

“I…I gave birth prematurely, like now, and I was all alone. No one was there with me other than the doctor, and it wasn’t even my doctor. Then they handed me this thing and I could just feel it’s heartbeat, and it died right there in my hand, Harry.”

“Oh, honey…”

He scoops you up and holds you in his arms, rocking you back and forth as you cry into him. He ribs your back and whispers that everything’s going to be alright. He kisses your hairline over and over to soothe you, and you hate yourself because it works.

“Would you…” You look up at him. “I mean, would it be too much to ask for you to stay in here with me tonight? I’m afraid to even close my eyes again. It just felt so real.”

“Of course. Let me just go do my thing and I’ll be right back, okay?” You nod and watch him get up to leave. He’s back in a few minutes in his bed clothes, and he gets under the covers with you. You both lay on your backs staring at the ceiling. You look over at him. “Harry…I’m really sorry about a few days ago.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“No…we should talk about it.”

“What’s there to talk about?” He looks at you. “You obviously regretted it, and then I opened my big mouth and freaked you out even more.” He rolls onto his side and places his hand on your lower stomach. “I don’t wanna do or say anything that’s gonna stress you out, that’s why I haven’t said much in the last few days.”

“I don’t regret it, fuck, I needed it.” You place your hand over his. “But it can’t happen again, that’s not why I’m here, you know?”

“I know.” He closes his eyes and looks at you again. “You wouldn’t even be talkin’ to me if you weren’t pregnant.” And just like that, he flipped the script. Why did you suddenly feel guilty?

“We talk.”

“Only if it’s work related…through email…that day you called me, even if it was just through the office phone, I think my heart leapt out of my chest. I thought maybe you were callin’ me because you missed me.” You scoff at him.

“You think I would’ve be the one to come crawling back?”

“Maybe not crawling…” He smirks. “I don’t know what I thought. Maybe if you came to me first I could just beg you to take me back.”

“Harry, you were already fucking someone else, I wouldn’t have been coming to get back together with you, and certainly not in the middle of the day at school.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know you knew about Kelly. It wasn’t anything serious, she was just a distraction.”

“That’s an awful thing to say.”

“I know. I’ve come to realize that maybe I’m not as good of a person as I thought I was. Here I am, this professor that students fight for seats in my class for, and I can’t even be a decent fucking person to the one person that mattered to me.”

“Your book smart, not street smart.” You laugh. “You’ve always been better when it comes to work things. You’re cute Harry, but you’re also this very awkward guy. Charming when you need to be, maybe even suave, but one on one, you’re a goofball.”

“And you always set me straight, and called me out, even when we were just friends.”

“I was so shocked that day you asked me out, I nearly choked on my lunch. You were so blunt.”

“I was relieved when it didn’t take much convincing for you to say yes. That was a fun first date, wasn’t it?”

“Mm, you took me to that bar and we danced practically the whole night.”

“And you said the entire night I wasn’t to come inside with you because you knew what would happen if I did.”

“And you said don’t pretend like you’re a good girl all of a sudden.” You giggle. “That shook me to my core, I’m not gonna lie.”

“I know it did, that’s why you brought me inside your place that night, and you showed me how good you can be.” He smirks again.

“Alright, that’s enough.” You take his hand away from your stomach. “We don’t need to go down memory lane right now.”

“Do you think…I mean, I get it, you don’t want me. I suppose I wouldn’t want me either with how awful I was to you…but, we were friends once. Couldn’t we be friends again? We’ve been civil sure, but we’re not friends right now.”

“I think being friends could work. I think that’s what hurt the most when it ended, I felt like I lost my best friend.”

“Nora’s your best friend.”

“Nora’s my best girlfriend, but you…” You reach up and cup his cheek, and he leans into your touch. “I don’t know, I think that’s why my heart was so broken.” You take your hand away. “Like, it killed me that there were things I wanted to tell you first over anyone else.”

“The same thing happened to me, I think that’s why I got involved with Kelly…she was just there, you know?”

“Mhm.” You roll your eyes. “Let’s go to sleep now, yeah?”

“Okay.” He leans in and kisses your forehead before fully turning onto his other side. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

He always did that when you were together. He’d kiss your forehead and turn over. It was his signal that he wanted to be the little spoon. The only comfortable position was on your back, and you weren’t quite sure if he realized what he was doing. He did just like sleeping on that side, also. You try to shake everything from your mind, and go back to sleep.

“Hi Sally.” Harry smiles at your admin when he comes into your office.

“Oh, hi Harry! How are you?”

“I’m great, how are you?”

“I’m good, thank you.” She smiles. She looks at the large brown paper bag in his hand. “That smells good.”

“Surprising Y/N with a special lunch today.”

“Ohhh, how lucky is she, hm?” She looks over at your closed office door. “She’s just finishing up with her 11:30.”

“Alright.”

Your door opens and a young man leaves. He smiles and nods at Sally before he exits. Sally gets up to go to your office.

“Y/N?”

“I can’t wait for some of these kids to move on to their advisors for next year. Kid gave me a fucking headache.” You sigh. “These back to backs are gonna be the death of me, Sally.”

“Well, I think I know of something that’ll take your mind right off it. Harry’s here with lunch, and it smells greasy.”

“Oh? That’s surprising. He can come on in.”

She nods and lets him know he’s free to go in. He comes in and closes the door, taking a seat in one of your spare chairs.

“This is nice.” You smile.

“Thought we could use a break from the grille. I stepped out quick and went to Burger King. I know you prefer McDonald’s, but Burger King has the impossible meat. S’not much better for you, but I’ve had it a couple times and it’s a nice treat. Got them without mayo, and got you extra pickles on yours.” He reaches into the bag and hands it to you.

“Thank you! It smells so good. I really didn’t want my salad anyways.” He looks at your water bottle and smiles.

“You’re even ahead on your water, good girl.” He says biting into his burger. You can’t help but giggle.

“That’s the worst inside joke there is.”

“Come on, you love it.” He smirks. He watches you take a bite of the burger and you moan. “Good, right?”

“It really tastes like meat! Did you happen to get fries too?”

“Nope, I opted for apple slices.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“The fries there aren’t even that good.”

“You should’ve gone to McDonald’s and gotten their fries, now that would’ve been thinking.”

“Mm, right, and then your doctor would’ve killed me for cloggin’ your arteries.”

“It’s just potato.”

“Fried and greasy potato.” He shakes his head. “I’ll tell you what though, I’ll chop up some of the potatoes we have at home and roast them for you, just how you like.”

“Fair enough. Hand me the apples.” You had scarfed down the burger quickly. He reaches into the bag and hands you the slices.

“Wanna go for a quick walk? You should get outta your office while you can. S’a nice day out too.”

“Sure.” You shrug. “I can’t wait to go to the doctor next week, we’ll be able to know the sex of the baby.”

“I’m really excited.”

You both head out and start your walk. Harry kept a slow pace for you, he didn’t want you getting too tired that you couldn’t do your job later.

“I’m gonna have to go shopping this weekend I think, my clothes are starting to get really tight.” You groan.

Harry had noticed your clothes getting tight, but they were tight in all the right ways. Your breasts and ass were fuller, and he often couldn’t help himself from looking. He thought you got more beautiful as each day passed, and there was something about whenever he’d look at your bump that would drive him a little crazy. It was something about knowing that he did this to you, that no one else really had you.

“We could go to that maternity store at the mall. Could be a good excuse to also start putting a registry together for your baby shower. My mum wants to be us the crib, she’s insisting on it.”

“Good idea, and my mom wants to buy me this like state of the art breast pump.”

“So she’s come around a bit?”

“Yeah, she has.” You smile. “Nora’s gonna be putting the shower together for me, so that takes some of the stress away, and they wanna do one for me at work as well.”

“So it’s settled, we’ll do some shopping this weekend.”

“Have you had a chance to see if there are any three bedroom condos in the complex?”

“Not yet, love. I’ve been busy grading and advising too. Soon though. I’ll have time to look into things once the semester is over.”

“Must be nice to have summers off.” You huff.

“They should just let you work from home, it’s not like you meet with students in the summer. As I recall it was just emails and phone calls. They really only needed you on campus for the admissions events.”

“Honestly, I think I’m going to ask if I can do that. I could easily meet with my team through conference calls. It’s gonna hot and I’ll be way too uncomfortable trying to look professional. At least it’ll be warm enough to wear dresses and stuff.”

“You’ll look good no matter what, I hope you know that. You’ve been glowing.”

“You’re just saying that.” You nudge him. “Everything feels sore, and I’m starting to get stretch marks. I’m starting to think cocoa butter doesn’t really do shit.” Harry can’t help but laugh, and you start laughing too.

After your walk, Harry goes his separate way back to his building, and you go to yours. Sally gives you a knowing smile and you shake your head at her.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She grins. “You just seem to be in better spirits. You always are with him.”

“Not always.”

“You are though, he’s making you happy again. He even brought you junk food, I was shocked.”

“Me too.” You walk up and grab a mint from her desk. “Maybe…I mean, do you really think people can change?”

“I do, sometimes. He should want to change to be better for himself, he shouldn’t just change for you because then it won’t stick. I’ve heard things though. He was a wreck after your break up, even if he didn’t lead on that way. I think he still loves you.”

“I have no doubt that he loves me, Sally.” You sigh. “I never doubted that, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love him too, but sometimes that’s just enough.”

It was true, you never stopped loving Harry. As much as he broke your heart, you loved him endlessly. And you knew he loved you too. Every time he looked at you, you could see it on his face. You just couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. You were better off as friends, and that was that.

“Baby’s healthy and so is mumma.” You doctor says to you. “Would you like to know the sex of the baby?”

“Yes!” You and Harry say at the same time.

“Well, you see that little thing right there?” She points to the monitor. “It would appear that you’re having a little boy.” She smiles.

You and Harry look at each other, and you both tear up. You wrap your arms around each other, and he kisses you cheek, lingering for a moment too long, but right now you didn’t care.

“Could we have a couple of those printed, I’d like to send one to my mum and sister.” He says.

“Of course.”

Once you get your belly cleaned up, you two head out to the car.

“Guess your hunch was right.” He puts your lower stomach. “Got a little boy in there.”

“Mhm, we should go through the baby name book and start seeing which ones we like.” Harry starts the car and begins the drive back to campus. “I don’t know how I’m going to concentrate for the rest of the day.”

“You know…I don’t say thank you enough.”

“For what?”

“Most people wouldn’t as lucky as I am. I mean, do most baby daddies get to be this involved? We live together, you’re lettin’ me be a part of so much.”

“Ugh, please don’t refer to yourself as a baby daddy.” You laugh. “And you’re only this involved because you want to be. I never asked to live with you.” You put your hand over his. “If there isn’t someone who says thank you enough, it’s me.”

A couple of weeks later you were just lounging in bed with a book when you felt the baby kick for the first time. It didn’t even hurt like you thought it might. You couldn’t believe he was kicking already, maybe he was just trying to make some room to grow. Harry had to see this. You get up and shuffle down the hall to his room. You tap on the door before opening in.

“Harry?” You look around and didn’t see him in there, but you could hear his shower running. You walk further in and knock on his bathroom door. “Harry?!”

“Shit.” You hear him say. “Yeah?!”

“The baby’s kicking! I thought you might like to feel…”

“Uhhh, fuck, umm, could you give me like five minutes?! I’ll come to your room!”

“Okay!”

You shrug it off and go back to your room. About ten minutes later, Harry comes in, only wearing a pair of shorts. He hated getting dressed right after a shower.

“Sorry, I was, uh, in the middle of washing my hair.” A lie, but her certainly wasn’t going to tell he was jerking it. He gets on the bed and sits between your legs. “Where’d you feel it?”

“Right here, give me your hands, maybe he’ll do it again.” You take hands and place them where you felt the baby kick before.

“Oh my god!” Harry gasps when he feels it. “It doesn’t hurt?”

“Not really. I’m sure it will once he gets a little bigger. This is so cool, it just makes it more real, you know?” He hums his response.

“Have you done your nightly lotion?”

“Not yet.”

“I could put it on for you if you want. I know you’ve been stressed with the kids at work.”

“It’s just another week or two of the crazy busy part, it’ll die down soon. Although…” You were touch starved and the thought of his large hands on you in some way was thrilling. You grab the jar of cocoa butter and hand it to him. “Thanks.”

He lifts your shirt up slightly, just over your bump, and starts rubbing it on gently. A happy sigh escapes your lips and your eyes flutter closed. You feel him tug at your pajama pants, and your eyes snap open.

“What are you doing?”

“Don’t you need some a bit lower?” He was being genuine, not really seeing the problem.

“I can do that.”

“M’not takin’ your pants off, would you relax, lemme get your lower stomach for you.”

You wanted him to take your pants off, you wanted him to rip them away and do what he did best.

“See? All done.” He smiles and hands you back the jar. He gets off the bed, and goes to leave.

“Could you close the door all the way for me?”

“I thought we agreed on leaving them open a crack so I could hear if you called f’me?”

“We did…but…” Your cheeks flush. “Never mind, you know what? I need a pickle.” You get up and pull your shirt down.

“It’s a new jar I think, let me go down and open it for you.”

You both go down to the kitchen and Harry gets the jar open for you. Your eyes sparkle once you’re able to snatch one. You wrap your lips around in and close your eyes as you take a nice big bite.

“Christ.” He says under his breath, and you look at him.

“What?”

“Nothin’.” He blushes and looks away from you.

“Do you want one?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

“Really, you can have one. They taste so good, I think it’s the salt. I’ve been really into salty things lately.

He wanted to say he had something salty for you that you could wrap your lips around, but he wouldn’t dare. Things had been so peaceful with you lately, and he didn’t want to ruin it, as much as he wanted to ruin you.

“Did you get a new tattoo?” You point to his upper arm. “I don’t remember that one.”

“Hm?” He looks down at it. “Oh yeah, I got drunk one night with Max like a couple of months ago and we each got one. It was like right after we broke up.” He shrugs.

“I don’t know how you have any room left on that arm. Will you ever fill up the other one?”

“I kinda like the way it looks, it’s sort of lop sided.”

“But your chest and stomach is so symmetrical. Same with your legs, you have those ones on your knees and ankles.”

“My legs aren’t symmetrical.” He pulls up one side of his shorts to remind you of his tiger tattoo.

“Okay, minus that one.” You scoff.

“And you still don’t have any.” He smirks.

“Nope, and I never will.” You grab another pickle and bite into it. “I always like this one.” You graze your fingers over the mermaid. “She’s realistic looking, you know? Think my boobs are just as saggy.” You laugh.

“Y/N.” He chuckles. “Your boobs are not…” He sighs. “You have a beautiful body, okay?”

“Not anymore.” You roll your eyes.

“I disagree.” He crosses his arms.

“Gimme a break, Harry. This is not sexy.” You rub your belly. “It’s gross.”

“Again, I disagree.” He leans back against the counter. “Just more to love, that’s all.”

“God, I’m definitely gaining weight.” You groan. “I don’t know how, we both eat so healthy.”

“You order dessert every time we go out to eat, that’s why.” He says not looking at you. “You have no self-control with your sweet tooth.”

“Gee thanks.”

“I’m just sayin’, you can sit there and pout, or you could make some changed. If you need to have a dessert you could start goin’ to the gym with me. I’m allowed to have guests.”

“No offense, but I’ve seen you work out, and I don’t think I’d have much fun doing it with you. You’re way too intense.”

“We could run together.”

“You’d just go far ahead of me.”

“You’re makin’ excuses.” He turns to look at you. “Make a change or not, but don’t complain to me when you keep getting…plushy.”

“More to love!” You laugh. “You’re like the most fat phobic person I’ve ever met.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Any time I ever talked about gaining weight or anything you just made me feel worse about it.”

“Well…you sort of have a reason for gaining weight now. Before you didn’t, you were eating like shit.”

“I was not!”

“Yeah, you were. You always had like three different tubs of ice cream in your freezer, and anytime you’d have some you always went back for seconds. S’not a treat if you do it all the time. And that wasn’t me being fat phobic, I just wanted you to be healthy.”

“Well, you had a funny way of showing it.”

“My step-father died from a heart attack, Y/N, he had heart disease because he ate like shit all the time. I was scared…especially after you told me your doctor said your cholesterol.”

“That runs in my family! I don’t eat red meat for that very reason.”

“I just wanted you around as long as possible, maybe I had a bad way of showin’ it, but I was coming from a good place.”

“Whatever.” You shake your head.

“I know I was a dick okay? It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it, right?”

“Exactly.”

“Well, I apologize. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that or made you feel that way. I’m sure there were other ways I could’ve gotten my point across.” You put the jar of pickles down and turn to look at him.

“Yeah, there were. You could be such an asshole sometimes.”

“I know.” You step a little closer to him.

“It was really annoying.”

“I know.”

“And you made it impossible to stay mad sometimes, which ended up pissing me off too.”

“I wasn’t that great of a boyfriend, I don’t know why you put up with me as long as you did, to be honest.” He presses his forehead to yours.

“I don’t know either.” You say, just above a whisper.

He starts sniffling and backs away from you.

“Sorry.” He wipes his eyes.

“Harry…”

“I just, I’m so mad at myself for fucking things up so badly. I feel like I fucked up my one shot at having a real love, and I’m frustrated.”

“You didn’t, you’ll find it again.”

“Yeah.” He scoffs. “Just not with you, right?”

“You don’t want these with me!” You slam your fist down on the counter. “You just think you do because I’m-“

“I swear to god, I’m gonna lose my shit if you say that one more time! I’m still in love with you, I never fell out of love with you! I didn’t want to break up, you did!”

“Fuck you, Harry. If you wanted us to work you would’ve fought for us more. You didn’t even care that we started sleeping separately, or that we weren’t having sex, or-“

“I was trying to give you the space you seemed to have wanted! I may not have been perfect, but you weren’t either. You picked just as many fights with me as I did with you. I really saw a future with you, but there were times I felt like you didn’t see one with me.”

“You literally flipped out on me when I asked you to make some room for me in your dresser.”

“I got annoyed because I said why don’t you just use the dresser in the guest room, and you took it personally like I didn’t want our stuff co-mingling!”

“Well, that’s how it felt!”

“And then, you walked out on me before I could even ask you to move in here, I was preparing for it! I had started looking at new furniture and everything! But you got so distant-“

“Because I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without you having some smart remark. I get it, being a professor is super stressful, but you were always taking it out on me. I felt like a scared little kid half the time, Harry.” Your voice cracks as tears start to fall.

“I thought things were going to get better after went away that weekend, but they just worse…”

“Yeah, they did. We’re not compatible.”

“Please, don’t say that, it kills me.” He takes a deep breath. “I was mad at you for ending it, that’s why I didn’t jump to my feet to fight for it. I figured if you were willing to give up so easily then so would I.”

“But it wasn’t easy! My heart was broken, and it broke more when you just sat there and said okay.” You sigh. “I just couldn’t keep pretending that everything happening was okay, Harry. It was exhausting.”

“I know.”

“So what makes you think starting over would make any difference? Things are balanced right now.”

“No, they’re not.” He raises your chin so you’ll at him. “Do you know how hard it is to have the love of your life, the woman carrying your child, down the hall from you and all you want to do is crawl into bed with her and love on her, and you can’t? I feel like I’m dying slowly from the inside out.” He lets go of you and smirks. “And you wanna know what else is bullshit about this whole thing?”

“What?” You were stunned at what he had just said.

“You said I wasn’t helpin’ your situation by walkin’ around shirtless and sweaty or whatever the fuck else, but you don’t exactly do things that make it easy for me either.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s like you’re doin’ it on purpose.”

“Doing what?! Whenever I’m home I’m in leggings and a tank top.”

“With your tits fully on display.” He gestures to them.

“It hurts too much to wear a bra!” You pout. “I’m sorry…” You cross your arms over them. “I truthfully didn’t think you were even looking.”

“How could I not? You have to know how beautiful I think you are, I try to tell you all the time.”

“I thought you were just trying to comfort me…”

“It’s so much more than that.” You look down and then to the clock.

“We should go to bed, it’s getting late.”

“You always do this! You never wanna finish the conversation.”

“What’s there to finish?! We keep going round in circles. What we’re doing is working, let’s just leave it.” You stick the pickles back in the fridge and go upstairs.

Since you had moved in, you slept better than ever, but lately you tossed and turned. It wasn’t due to discomfort with the baby, you just couldn’t shut your brain off. Between all of the things Harry said to you that night and your work being absolutely stressful, you physically couldn’t sleep. On Friday you have a meeting with your supervisor to discuss the summer.

“You look great, been meaning to tell you that.” She says as you come into her office.

“Thanks Margaret.” You smile. “So I know I’m not due until the end of August, so I’ll be missing the fall semester…”

“We’ll miss you a lot. We’re starting to look into grad students for you though.”

“That’s great! And I’d be happy to train any one of them…just…maybe virtually?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m exhausted, and we really only do a lot of email and phone calls over the summer. Harry has a nice office set up at home, and he said I could use it this summer if I wanted. I was sort of wondering if I could work from home once the school year ends…I know it’s a lot to ask, and I could still come in some days, but all the walking around I do is just killing me by the time I get home, and my doctor said my blood pressure is high-“

“Is that from work, or the fact that you’re playing house with your ex?” She smirks. “I remember what it was like to be pregnant, especially during the summer. You’ll be much more comfortable at home, you’ve got that indoor pool right?”

“Mhm.”

“I’m sure we could work it out, but there’s some paperwork you’ll need to fill out with HR.” You hum your response. “Is it also that Harry has the summer off and you want to be home with him?”

“I mean…it would be nice…but it’s not the sole reason.”

“Alright.” She sighs. “Hey, just between us, are you considering at all to get back together with him? I’ve seen him around here, you two seem chummy again.”

“We’re on good terms, yeah, but the rest is complicated. Every wound I have still feel fresh, you know?”

“True, but are you going to keep holding onto how he made you feel then, or can you let yourself feel what you’re feeling now?”

“Which is what?”

“I think you want to be with him. You perk up the second you seem him walk through the door, and you’re always giggling when you leave together. Sometimes people break up, and it just doesn’t work out and then don’t get back together. Sometimes someone winds up pregnant. But…with you two, I think that if you didn’t want him, you wouldn’t have agreed to live with him or let him be so involved.”

“How could I deprive him of his child? And he said he wanted to be around for everything-“

“A lot of guys say that and don’t mean it. You still trusted his word, Y/N. I’m not saying you need to marry the guy or dive back into a full on relationship, but throw him a bone.”

You were quiet on the car ride home, nothing out of the normal. You keep looking at him and he finally sighs and speaks up.

“Do I have somethin’ on my face?”

“No.”

“Okay, then why do you keep looking at me like that?”

“I wanna go out tonight.”

“You do?”

“Mhm. I wanna put a pretty dress on and go out.”

“Alright, where do yeh wanna go, love?” He parks the car in the driveway and looks at you.

“I miss dancing, Harry.”

“Okay.” He knew your feet wouldn’t allow for it, and by the time you got somewhere you’d be too tired to stay long enough for any fun to start. You both get out of the car and go inside. “Why don’t you go up and take your time gettin’ ready…I have an idea I think you’ll like.” He smiles.

“Okay.” You smile back and go upstairs.

After at least two mental breakdowns, you get your hair and makeup the way you like, and throw a flattering dress on. It was flowy and came down to your mid-thigh. It covered your chest as well. When you come downstairs, you see that the lights are dim, there are candles lit, and music playing. Harry was pouring some seltzer water into a glass for you, and just adding a lime.

“Thought I’d bring the bar to us, how does that sound?” He hands you the glass and you take a sip.

“You’re brilliant, Dr. Styles.” You joke. “What are you drinking?”

“Just a beer for now. I don’t wanna get too wasted since I’m the one drivin’.” He winks at you. “Are you hungry? I popped some of those fried pickles into the oven…”

“You’re spoiling me.” You giggle. “Thank you. Oh! I spoke with Margaret today and we’re gonna go down to HR next week to talk about working from home this summer. She seems to think it could work out well.”

“That’s a huge relief. I like the idea of havin’ yeh home with me this summer.”

You both get silly to a few songs, and then eventually he slows dances with you. Your bump was in the way, but you were able to make it work. Harry was such a good dancer. You always felt safe in his arms. You loved hearing him hum along to whatever song was playing too, it was so calming. You look up at him and yawn by accident.

“Okay, I think it’s time you went to bed.” He chuckles and cuts the music.

“But I’m having so much fun.”

“I know, but you’re tired, honey.” He kisses your forehead and lets you go. “Come on, up the stairs we go.”

After you had gotten into bed, you thought to maybe go crawl into his, just to have a cuddle, but you told yourself that would be a bad idea. It would definitely lead to something else.

“Harry! Harry!”

He bursts through your bedroom door the next morning in a panic.

“Where the hell is she?”

“Harry!”

“Shit.” He goes into your bathroom and finds you sitting, unable to get up. “What happened?!” He steps inside and helps you up. “Are you okay?” He pulls you close to him, neither of you caring how naked you are.

“I…I was trying to shave my legs, but there’s no bench in here for me to prop my foot up on, and I lost my balance. I only fell on my bum, I think the baby’s fine.”

“We should go to the doctor anyways, just to make sure. And then we’ll go to the store and buy a shower bench, or you could just come use my shower, whatever you wanna do.” He reaches to turn the water off and grabs your towel. “You know, you could just let yourself get hairy.”

“But it’s so uncomfortable…”

“What about wax?” You both step into your room. “Or that nair stuff?”

“Wax hurts and nair burns.” You sigh. “My legs are one thing, but I don’t want that stuff near my…area.”

“I could help you shave you know, s’not like I haven’t seen yeh naked before.”

“Again, legs are one thing…” You pat his shoulder. “Let me get dressed, could you call the doctor?”

“Mhm.”

The doctor said you were perfectly fine, but to definitely be more careful. You and Harry stop at the store to buy a shower bench and he gets it set up for you once you’re home.

“Test it out.” He says as you both stand in the shower.

“Okay.”

You put on of your feet up on it and bend a bit and pretend to run your razer over your leg.

“Yup, that should work just fine, thanks.”

“What about elsewhere?”

“I think no matter what I do I’m gonna have a tough time with that.” You sigh. “I’ll live, it’s just uncomfortable. It gets itchy once it grows in, you know?”

“Again, my services have been offered.” He winks at you.

“You’d do anything to get your face close to me there, wouldn’t you?” You nudge him playfully.

“Yep that’s it, you’ve found out my entire scheme to eat you out.” He rolls his eyes. “Come on, you’ve barely drank any water today, let’s get your water bottle filled up.”

You tossed and turned again that night. You needed Harry. So, you get up and shuffle down the hall to his room, door open a crack like he had kept it in case you called for him.

“Harry?” You say, leaning against the door frame.

“Hm?” He shoots up. “What is it? Do you need a pickle?”

“No.” You giggle. You loved him when he was sleepy like this. “M’sorry it’s so late, I just can’t sleep.”

“Do you wanna come in with me?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay.”

You slip into his comfy bed, and lay on your back.

“I miss being able to sleep on my stomach.” You sigh.

“You’d always be so cute in the morning.” He says, turning to face you. “Your arms would be tucked under the pillow and you could just see your face. Your hair was always coverin’ yeh up.” He moves some hair out of your face and tucks it behind your ear. “So sweet.” He says, his eyes starting to droop again.

“It was really nice what you did for me earlier tonight.”

“Mm.”

“It was like…a new first date or something.” His eyes snap open and he sits up again.

“Wanna run that by me again?”

“It felt like a date, didn’t it?”

“I suppose it did…”

“I missed dancing with you like that.”

“Don’t do this to me.” He groans.

“What? What am I doing?” You sit up as well.

“You keep messing with me head, Y/N. One minute we’re getting along and we’re friends, and the next…I don’t I think you want me in the way I want you, and-“

“I can’t stop thinking about what you said, about how hard it was to not love on the love of your life. I’m really the love of your life?”

“You have been for over three years.”

“We only dated for a year, though.”

“I know, but I fell for you so much sooner than that. I’d flirt with you any chance I got just to see if I could get your cheeks to flush.” He runs his thumb along your cheek bone.

“And it always worked, you left me flustered pretty often.”

“And what about now, are you flustered now?”

“Very.”

“What did you come in here for, exactly?”

“I told you, I couldn’t sleep.”

“And getting into bed with me could help that?”

“Well…I miss cuddles…” You say just above a whisper. “And you’re a good cuddler.”

“What else do you miss?” His face was dangerously close to yours. It had been a month since your little romp with him, and you’d be lying if you hadn’t wanted it again almost every day since then.

“Harry…I miss a lot of things, but-“

“Can we just, ugh, forget about everything for a little while and make each other feel good?”

“But last time we did that…things almost got complicated, and-“

“We’re two adults who both have needs, and your needs are a little stronger than mine. What’s the big deal if we indulge?”

“I don’t wanna keep messing with your head, like you said I was.” You frown.

“Do you really not want me? I feel like you wouldn’t be living here if there wasn’t a sliver of you that didn’t want me.”

“I do.” You sigh and lean into his touch, his soft palm on your cheek. “It’s just so hard to forget what happened.”

“I know, and I don’t expect you to. It would be stupid if we both tried to forget or pretend like we didn’t tare each other apart, but we’re bringing a baby into this world now, and I feel like ever since you told me about it I’ve put so many things into perspective. I didn’t treat you right, and I’ll spend every day for the rest of my life makin’ up for it if I have to.”

“You will?”

“I will. I love you, Y/N.”

“I…I love you too, Harry.”

The way he kisses you is so much different than last time. There was an urgency, a pure need. It wasn’t just lust, it was so much more than that. You could taste the tears that had been running down his cheeks. You believed, you finally believed him. He regretted it, every small thing that drove you farther and farther away. He would never let that happen again, baby or no baby.

His tongue licks into your mouth, and you moan into it. Your hands move up to his hair and you tug on it. He draws back and kisses each one of your cheeks, your nose, your forehead and your lips.

“M’not gonna fuck this up again.”

“Neither am I.”

You smile at each other and continue kissing. You both shift so Harry can get on top of you. His lips move to nip at your jaw and then to just under your ear lobe.

“Is this comfortable?” He says into your ear, as his hand snacks down your body, getting between your legs.

“Yes.”

You gasp when you feel his fingers run up and down your slit, collecting the wetness and bringing up to your clit to rub circles into. He starts to shift so he can get his head between your legs.

“No don’t!”

“Why not?” He frowns.

“I don’t want you looking up at me, you’ll only see my stomach, and-“

“I can’t even begin to describe how attractive you are to me, it’s insane. Please, let me get my mouth on you.” You bite your bottom and nod yes.

He kisses down your stomach and gets his lips around your clit, and slips his fingers inside you. Your hips buck up, but he holds you steady. He was going slow, but precise.

“Oh my god, Harry.” You groan. “Feels amazing.”

He moans against you in response. You cry out when you feel his teeth nibble on you and his fingers curl up. He was brushing that spongey spot over and over.

“Harry, shit, oh my god, I’m gonna, fuck, fuck, fuck!” You release around his fingers and he retracts them so he can lap everything up.

“Would you do somethin’ for me?”

“Anything.”

“It’s been torture watchin’ yeh go to town on those giant pickles…would you mind…” He gestures down to himself.

“Oh! Sure, yeah.”

“What would be most comfortable for you?”

“Maybe if you sit on the edge of the bed, I can just put a pillow on the floor for my knees.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Harry sits on the edge of the bed, completely naked, and you get on the floor in front of him, kneeling on a few pillows. You plant your palms on his thighs as you wrap your lips around his tip. He watches you with parted lips, and you look up at him. He runs a soothing hand through your hair, and you sink down further on him.

“Teeth, love, watch your teeth.” He grunts. You pop off him and look up with embarrassment.

“M’sorry, it’s just been so long…”

“It’s okay, just take your time.” He smiles encouragingly. “I really like when you lick up and down…”

You hum your response and do as he says. You lick up and down his shaft, and his hand tugs at your roots. Your confidence comes back to you, and you suckle on his tip, flicking your tongue along his slit.

“Fucking, Christ.” His head rolls back. You hollow your cheeks and bob up and down on him. You swallow around him, and that nearly sends him over the edge. “Okay, okay.” You look up at him and he pulls you off. “I wanna fuck you now, can I do that?”

“Yes.”

He helps you to your feet, and gets you back on the bed. He puts a pillow under your lower back to help get you comfortable. He really wanted to be on top this time. He puts your legs over his shoulders and he slowly slides into you. You let out a throaty moan when he bottoms out.

“Jesus.” You breathe.

“Yeh like that?”

“Mm, so deep. You can move now.”

He rocks in and out of you slowly at first, not wanting to hurt you or do anything to jostle the baby. He had been looking up safe positions for having sex while pregnant, just in case he got the chance with you again.

“You look so beautiful, Y/N, it’s drivin’ me crazy.”

“It, ngh, is?”

“You have no idea.” He drops your legs and leans down to kiss you. He nips at your bottom lip and you groan against him.

“H, Harry, shit, I think I need to get on top.”

“Okay, baby.”

He pulls out and sits up against the head board. You move to straddle him and sink down on his hard cock.

“God, you feel so good.” He sucks on your neck while you start to move on him. His hand grip your hips to help you.

Eventually you hide your head on his neck to signal that he should just take over the movements completely. He thrusts up into you while he rocks you back and forth. You were both sweaty and panting, and you could feel yourself getting closer. He was close too.

“Harry, fuck, Harry, I’m gonna come.”

“Me too, shit.”

You bite down on his collar but he moves your face with one of his hands.

“No, please, let me hear you, let it all out.”

He gives you another hard thrust and it has you moaning out loudly, your nails dragging down his stomach, just the way his likes. He fills you up, probably making a mess, but neither of you seem to care. He cups your cheeks to kiss you, both of your lips swollen, but it’s what you both need.

“And this time, you’re not runnin’ off to your room.”

“Don’t want it to be my room anymore.”

“What?” His face falls.

“I think that should be the baby’s nursery…”

“Oh!” He smiles. “Yeah…we could do tha’.” He smooths some hair away from your face. “Does that mean you want this to be our room?”

“Yeah, I do…would that be alright?”

“It’s better than alright, it’s all I could hope for.”

Since you were working from home, you had plenty of time to help Harry with the nursery, and you both really enjoyed it. You decide to paint the room light grey, with a nice light yellow accent wall. You were going for a neutral vibe. Gemma and Anne come over to help set the crib up one afternoon while you make everyone some lemonade.

“So…you two are really back together?” Anne asks you while Harry and Gemma argue over the many pieces upstairs.

“Mhm.” You smile. “I suppose it was bound to happen either way.”

“And you’re happy?”

“Very, he’s changed a lot, and so have I.”

“That’s good. I can’t believe I’m havin’ a grandson. Have you two decided on a name?”

“We have a few we’ve been mulling over, but we decided we’ll make the final decision once we actually see his face.” She hums her response and sips from her glass of lemonade.

“How’s your mum been with all this?”

“Are you kidding?” You scoff. “She was over the moon that Harry took me back.” You roll your eyes. “Whatever, you know?”

“Mm, it amazes me that such a wonderful young girl could come from such a…witch.” You nearly spit out your lemonade from laughter. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” You smile.

Harry and Gemma come down once everything is all set.

“Oh, yum!” She says once she sees the lemonade. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“It’s the least I could do.” You hand them both a glass. “All set up there?”

“Mhm, and the changing table is good to go too.” You kiss his cheek, and he puts his arm around your shoulders.

It was the end of August, and way too fucking hot out. You were grateful for the indoor pool. You found yourself going there often with Harry. He thought the maternity bathing suits you found were awfully cute. He was on you more and more about drinking water. He was scared to death that you’d get dehydrated.

Your apartment was already full of the many gifts from your couple of baby showers. Most of it was organized, and you had an overnight bag ready to go. You were due any day now. Nora came to join you at the pool while Harry did some prep work for his fall classes.

“You look so good, Y/N, I mean it.”

“Thanks.” You beam. “I feel pretty good, but also ready to pop. I want him out of me already.”

“Soon.” She puts your belly. “Is it weird that I’m excited?” She giggles.

“Not at all! You’re my best friend, I want you to be excited. This kid is gonna be a part of your life now too.”

“I’ll babysit anytime I can. You know how much I love babies.”

She helps you walk back to the apartment when you both had enough of the crowd that had formed. They stop short when they hear Harry yelling on the phone.

“I can’t teach two extra sections of that course! I’m already at my load, and I said I couldn’t do any more than that this semester! My girlfriend is about to have a baby…” He groans with frustration. “Can’t we just hire a TL?” They hear him suck his teeth. “I can do one section, not two.” He sighs when he hangs up the phone. “Hi.” He grumbles at the two of you.

“What’s happening, Harry?”

“Oh, they’re just givin’ me somethin’ they could easily have the junior faculty do.” He rolls his eyes and grabs a beer out of the fridge. “We need to refill your water bottle now.”

You nod and fill it up with fresh water. Harry offers Nora a beet, but she declines since she’ll be leaving soon.

“I feel like I’m never gonna be home now. Maybe I can convince them to let it be an online section or somethin’.”

“That’s a great idea!” You say. “I bet they’d go for that.”

“The new department chair is just power hungry, she could easily teach the class.” He huffs.

“Well it seems like you were able to bargain a bit.” Nora says. “I gotta go.” She looks at her watch.

She hugs you and gives your belly another rub and out the door she goes. Harry wraps his arms around you and pouts.

“Any day now, huh?”

“Mhm.”

“How are you feelin’?”

“Terrified, but excited.”

“Me too.” He chuckles and kisses your forehead.

You fall asleep pretty quickly that night. All of the swimming really tired you out. You were thankful for the central air, otherwise it would be impossible to sleep through the heat. You woke up feeling sort of uncomfortable, almost like you had wet yourself. You absentmindedly reach between your legs and gasp.

“Harry.” You nudge him. “Harry!”

“Hm?” He rolls over and looks up at you. “You okay, lovie?”

“Yeah, I think my water broke.”

“Oh my god!” He shoots up and kisses you.

“It’s time.”

#im having your baby #harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles y/n #harry styles fluff #harry styles fluff fic #harry styles smut #harry styles smut fic #harry styles angst #harry styles angst fic #professor!Harry #dad!Harry #dadtobe!Harry

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bbugyu · 4 years

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finding something to do + kim mingyu

you had spent your better years bored with mingyu, and he thought holding your hand felt like holding his fleeting youth.

wc.4088 | almost smut, mostly fluff, friends to lovers/uni au, fem reader, that one trope where there is mutual pining but both of them think the other is gay, maybe like half an ounce of angst if you squint Really Hard, lots o swears

i usually make my fics hella neutral as far as gender and size and orientation goes but hahahaha this ones for the average sized bi girls! also just realized that i stopped using capitalization in my fics and yk what? im fine with it. this fic is based off of the song of the same name by hellogoodbye.

“stop honking, other people live here.”

mingyu grinned at you through the half-open passenger window, leaning over to pop open the door. the handle had never recovered from a giant cup of soda crashing into the side of his ride in the middle of a particularly rowdy summer shenanigan, the sticky substance soaking into the mechanics before he had gotten the chance to hose it down in a friend's driveway at 2am. now, you had to wait for him to open it from the inside on all future shenanigans, and you could only roll the window down half way, lest you have to laugh at mingyu aggressively pulling on the window between his palms as you pulled on the motorized switch to coerce it back into the closed position. you slid into the co-pilot seat and looked over to your best friend.

"if you answered your texts i wouldn't have to honk."

you rolled your eyes, tugging on the seatbelt. "go, gyu."

he laughed and shifted into drive, turning up his stereo as he pulled away from your apartment building, hand returning to the stick to shift up a gear. "thanks for coming."

"what else was i gonna do?" you slipped the slides off your socked feet and pulled your legs to sit cross-legged. "i finished rewatching avatar."

"study, maybe?"

you looked at him. he was right, finals were right around the corner, but you had an uncharacteristically light load this quarter (due to you not realizing you needed approval for one course before registration and it filling before you could sign up) and you weren't too worried about the three tests you would have to take in a couple weeks. "could say the same to you."

mingyu let out another laugh, suddenly singing along to the song as he ran a hand through his hair. you smiled at his profile, then pulled out your phone to update your instagram story. as you moved the camera over to mingyu from the streetlight-lit road ahead of you, he laughed midway through a lyric and practically yelled "mwoya" at you, gripping the wheel with both hands and jumping in his seat.

you laughed hysterically, frantically saving the video before pointing the screen at him. he turned down the music to watch it, eyes flickering between your phone and the road. he laughed at the way it cut off on both of you screaming. "what was that?"

you giggled, swiping through filters. "you being dumb."

"you love me."

"you're right."

mingyu smiled at that, adjusting the stereo volume again, bobbing his head to the rhythm as he drove to the one convenience store in your town that sold his favorite mint chocolate chip ice cream, a mission he had called upon you for at 11:30pm. when it switched over to a song you knew, mingyu noticed your subconscious humming to the tune and a few lyrics falling out of your lips, the wind from the open window whipping through your hair.

by the time you reached a small parking lot across town, you had yawned probably half a dozen times.

"tired?" mingyu pouted as he rolled up the windows and unbuckled his seatbelt. "sorry for dragging you out."

you shook your head, following suit and pulling yourself out of the car. "i slept too late, i think. i'll be fine."

you followed mingyu across the quiet street to the convenience store the two of you frequented perhaps too often, finding yourself there after late night study sessions or mid-barhop for ramen, snacks, and most importantly, the mint choco ice cream bar of mingyu's affections.

after perusing the options as if you hadn't been there earlier in the week, you picked out an ice cream bar as well as a couple bags of chips. you walked up behind mingyu at the register as he was pulling out his wallet.

"i'll pay if you come over and play smash," he said, nodding at your hands full of snacks.

you eyed him. "what's the catch?"

"you can't be mad when i play meta knight."

you groaned, but put your things on the counter for the cashier that was likely the same age as you both to scan. "fine. i'll still beat you."

mingyu grinned at you, and you snagged your ice cream bar off the counter as he paid, the other snacks getting put in a plastic bag. you grabbed the bag and held it open as mingyu retrieved his own ice cream, both of you peeling them open as you exited the convenience store.

"mm," you let out, mouth full of ice cream as you leaned against the metal bar meant to lock up bikes on the sidewalk. "it's nice out tonight."

mingyu agreed, biting into his treat. "it's refreshing but not too cold."

you nodded, watching cars pass on the street. "i can't believe it's almost summer already."

"me neither," he said, squatting in front of you as he ate. "we're gonna be seniors next year."

you groaned. "have you decided if you're doing summer quarter?"

he shook his head. "i decided against it. i only really have to take one extra course next year so it didn't feel worth it."

you nodded, looking down at him. he was looking to his left, absentmindedly watching someone walk their dog across the street.

after the ice cream was finished and you threw away your wrappers, mingyu cursed slightly at the fact that he still managed to get his finger sticky despite doing his best to avoid meltage. after he popped open your door, he dug in the glovebox for some wet naps, playfully knocking your knees aside as you tried to sit. you laughed, waiting for him to be done so you could put the bag of snacks on the floor in front of you.

when you met mingyu sophomore year, your hair was shorter and he was blonde. he had sat next to you in your shared ecology lab and promptly fell asleep before the class had even started, and you had to nudge him awake when the professor was handing out the syllabus.

"gah, fuck, i'm up," he waved a massive hand in your face, blinking away his sleep before focusing on you with furrowed brows. "you're not seokmin."

seokmin was his roommate, you learned, and also met a few weeks later when you went over to their dorm to work on assignments together. they've since upgraded to a compact but efficient three bedroom apartment and acquired another roommate. you stared out the window into the night sky as mingyu drove to said apartment, blinking heavily at the lure of a nap. you pulled your knees up to your chest and tried to listen to the song playing from the stereo.

only moments later, mingyu glanced over and noticed that your eyes had fluttered shut, your head lolling against the window. he wondered, staring at you in awe, how much longer he could pretend he wasn't in love with you.

when you and mingyu had first gotten to know each other, you admittedly had a bit of a crush on him, until you found out he had a boyfriend. even after they split almost four months later, and you had been there to bring him chicken and beer while he fumbled with the drawstrings of his sweatpants and rubbed his swollen eyes with the back of his hand, you decidedly resigned any feelings for him, knowing it was a lost cause for you to pine after a guy that didn't even like girls. hell, you barely even liked boys - you had gone on dates with six different girls, yet not a single guy since you came to university, and mingyu had sat on your bed while you tried to get ready, giving a concise "try again" when you showed him an oversized sweatshirt.

"why not this?" you asked, groaning.

"you have good proportions, bitch. show 'em off."

rolling your eyes, you rooted around in your closet for something less shapeless. your style had always skewed a little athletic, a little hip-hop. you bought mostly mens fit shirts, making the task slightly more difficult. you found a nice pair of high waisted jeans you hadn't worn in a while and paired it with a drop shoulder tee and a turtleneck, finally getting the approval of your best friend.

all of the facts laid in front of him led mingyu to believe you were completely and utterly gay, and even if you weren't, your taste in women suggested he was the exact opposite of your type. you liked petite girls. girls with long hair and that wore skirts and lots of rings. the kind of girls that you had to lean down to kiss.

so he continued to try out the pool of eligible bachelors in your area that were within a respectable age range. he had even tried to date some girls, but every time they tried to suggest the dates go further, he would think of the way his best friend's fingers had sent electricity through his entire body just by brushing an eyelash off his lip, or how you would trace the veins that ran through his wrist as you watched a movie together on your couch. the way your touch set his skin on fire. the way he wished he could just admit the way he felt about you.

he always smiled and said he'd call them sometime. he never did. it wasn't fair to them, but neither was him only ever asking them out because they reminded him of you somehow.

guys were easier, he thought. they didn't remind him of you.

mingyu was so caught up in the sight of you sleeping that he absolutely ran a red. he cursed under his breath when he realized the light he was passing under had been yellow for longer than he had thought, thinking how lucky he was that the cross street was empty. good thing he was almost home.

"hey, sleepyhead," he said when you stretched suddenly as he pulled into his parking spot. "do you wanna go home?"

you shook your head, yawning. "no, i need to eat chips."

he laughed and killed the engine. "you left a pair of house shorts here and you can borrow a shirt," he said, suggesting you crash in his bed when you got too tired for smash.

"what, you don't wanna carry me home?"

mingyu slammed the car door shut and shoved his hand in his pocket. "i'd rather not, no."

you stretched again, a hand reaching out to ruffle his dark hair as he tried to punch in the door code for you to enter his building. "mean."

he laughed at you again, leading you up the three flights of stairs to his apartment.

"hey, minghao," you said, waving at the shadowy figure that was seemingly melting into the couch, illuminated by the tv.

he raised a hand in acknowledgment, sitting with his neck at a 90 degree angle, a movie with subtitles on, and his phone face down on his chest. "yo."

"wanna play smash?" mingyu asked.

"no thanks."

mingyu dropped his keys on the kitchen counter. "we're playing smash."

"you're funny."

you laughed, and mingyu pouted. "please, myungho?"

minghao finally looked at his roommate. "i'm watching annihilation. the switch is handheld for a reason."

you watched mingyu roll his eyes with a smirk on your lips. he went over to the switch dock by the tv and grabbed the console, sticking his tongue out at hao. you giggled, following mingyu down the short hall to his room as minghao waved you both off.

"have i said that i like hao a lot?"

"yes," mingyu said. "like, every time you come over."

you smiled, throwing open his dresser and carding through the shirts that would surely be massive on you. "well i do."

the switch got tossed onto his bed and he sneaked around you to grab a pair of sweatpants from the drawer above the one you were looking in. he also pulled out the pair of shorts you had left, putting them on top of the dresser. "i'm getting naked now."

you shook your head lightly, knowing he was only changing his pants, but kept your back to him out of respect anyways. you picked up the shorts. "did you wash these?"

"yeah, i threw 'em in with my laundry last week."

you nodded, spotting the color you had been looking for. "aha!" you pulled on the ashy gray shirt, revealing one of your favorite things you had ever convinced mingyu to buy. an extremely soft, lightly distressed shirt with a tasteful rip along the neckline. "i'm getting naked now."

"clear," mingyu said, letting you know he wasn't looking as he flopped onto his bed, propping up the switch on his bedside table and setting up the controllers.

you pulled off your loose sweatshirt and swapped it for the borrowed shirt, then shoved the denim shorts down your legs, laughing lightly at how your sleep shorts completely disappeared under the shirt. you turned around, stretching out your arms to show how large the shirt was on you. "look."

mingyu rolled onto his back and propped himself on an elbow to look at you, giggling as you swam in his shirt. outwardly, he smiled, but internally, he thought this was simultaneously the worst and best idea he had ever had.

you looked absolutely stunning in his clothes, he thought, but only said that you were cute. he ignored the familiar feeling in his stomach and handed you a controller as you crawled onto his bed, settling on your stomach next to him.

he had to stop putting himself in this position. you were far too pretty for him to forget his feelings towards you.

but maybe that's what he wanted. maybe he didn't want to forget his feelings. maybe the few times you had told him his dates were attractive weren't just objective reassurances. maybe he held onto the sliver of hope that you could possibly be attracted to him, too.

you slammed your face into the bed as the game loaded. "why are all switch load times utter ass?"

mingyu adjusted so that he was laying on his side with an arm propping him up and flicked the back of your head. "because the console can fit in my palm."

your hand went up to swat at the culprit of the flick, and you pouted as you lifted your head to look at him. "that's not fair, your hands are huge." you wiggled onto your elbows to grab his wrist, pressing your palms together. "see?"

mingyu laughed, feeling his cheeks heat up. "well, you have baby hands, so." he punctuated his point by curling his finger over yours. you pouted again, then slipped your fingers between his, thinking about how nice his warm hand felt over yours.

you blinked, then pulled your hand away and grabbed the joycon as the game finally loaded the skippable intro, hoping you weren't blushing too much as you cleared your throat. mingyu stared at your pink cheeks for a moment, his mind reeling. was he seeing something that wasn't there? or was his hope in you validated?

you were clicking through the menu and felt his eyes on you, and all you wanted to do was hide behind your hair and avoid eye contact. you nearly jumped when mingyu cleared his throat.

"hey, i have something i've been meaning to ask you."

your eyes met his briefly. "shoot."

"do you…" mingyu paused, trying to think of the right way to phrase his question. "i know you have exes that are guys, but is that something you're, like… still into?"

your ears burned and you wiggled until you could sit back on your own legs, fiddling with the hem of the shirt you stole and hesitating to make eye contact. "you mean, being with guys?"

"yeah," he said, watching you intently with his brows furrowed.

"yeah, i mean, i guess?" you shrugged. "i like both."

mingyu nodded slowly, watching your eyes as they stared at the wall across his small room. your cheeks were a rosy pink, and you were chewing on your lip. "me too."

you looked at him finally, your eyes wide. "what?"

he gave you a crooked smile. "i like guys and girls, too."

if you were blushing before, now you were blazing. "oh, my god, i'm an idiot."

he laughed. "what, did you think i was, like, totally gay?"

"shut up," you threw yourself down onto his bed, hiding your face in the blanket. in your defense, he had definitely called himself gay before, but you definitely called yourself gay constantly, so maybe you shouldn't put so much weight in those words. "shut up, i'm embarrassed. i don't want to talk about it."

hearing mingyu laugh next to you made you feel like you were on fire, then you felt the ghosting of fingers on your arm. you froze. mingyu's voice was soft when he spoke again. "do you wanna talk about how i have a massive crush on you?"

you slowly raised your head to look at him, cheeks burning red. he gave you a small smile before you choked out a "huh?"

"i ran a red earlier," he said suddenly, his fingers moving from your arm to absentmindedly brush your hair out of your face, then to your shoulder, then back. it was a reassuring touch, one you had felt from him before, but you still were caught off guard by his sudden succession of confessions. "you were sleeping and i couldn't stop looking at you. i totally could have crashed the car."

"dude, what the fuck." you stared at him, then lowered your voice to imitate him. "'hey i have a crush on you and i almost killed us both because of it.' that's you, that's what you sound like right now."

mingyu laughed in your face and you couldn't help the chuckle that fell out of your mouth. "sorry i almost killed us."

"i guess i can forgive you," you said, picking at your nails suddenly despite them being clean. "especially because i might have a crush on you, too."

mingyu kept staring at you with a fond smile, and you wondered if he could also hear how hard your heart was beating. "can i kiss you?"

you looked at him, trying not to stare at his lips. you nodded, almost hurriedly. his hand pulled against your back as you rolled your body to face him, and your hand reached out for his jaw as he pulled you into him. and when his lips crashed into yours, you yelped slightly, melting into him almost immediately. they were plush against yours, and he was gentle as he pushed your back onto the mattress, adjusting to hover over you slightly. when you let your head fall back onto the bed, he grinned at your blown out pupils and swollen lips, buzzing at the way your hands curled around around his neck, fingers digging into the hair at his nape. he adjusted again, a hand finding your waist as he pulled back to let you swing your leg across his lap. you pulled him back over you, enjoying the way his hips hit the back of your thighs as he caged you in with an elbow by your shoulder. you stared up at him, heart racing, eyes flicking down to his lips too many times for him to not take the hint.

mingyu had always enjoyed pleasing you. this definitely felt like the next natural progression.

he dove into you, and your arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders. mingyu was a hugger, and he also liked wearing very little clothing when he worked out, so you knew what he looked like under the plain white tee. knew what he felt like. but suddenly - with his hands slipping under what was technically his shirt to properly feel your waist, with how his tongue fought with yours - you really felt him for the first time. the way his shoulder muscles rippled just beneath the skin as he adjusted, clearly trying to not make his growing bulge so obvious. you considered the fact that you might get to see how much leg day really benefited, considering how much he posted about it with sweaty post-workout pictures on his story.

mingyu felt your thighs squeeze around his hips, pulling back slightly. "is this okay?"

"is it?" you responded, a hand pulling back to fall on his jaw. "i've wanted you for ages."

he laughed lightly. "god, we're idiots."

you had no time to respond before he was kissing you again, his hips rolling into yours, pulling a surprised moan from you. he ate it up, his fingers gripping your waist tighter at the sound. you felt his girth as it pressed against you, and you gasped. when was the last time you had been with a guy? high school?

when mingyu's teeth bit down on your lip, you were really glad he was the guy you were unconsciously waiting for.

he tugged on your hips as he rolled onto his back, pulling you to straddle his lap. you giggled slightly, settling back into the open mouthed kisses as he ran his hands from your ass up your back, slipping under the sports bra you were wearing.

then there was a knock. you yelped, burying your face in his shoulder as you heard the door swing open. "make room for king k r- oh shit!"

you laughed into mingyu's neck as he yelled for seokmin to get the hell out, his hands tugging the hem of the stolen shirt over your butt in an attempt to shield it from view. you heard him squeak out an "i'm sorry!" as the door shut again.

"i'll kill him."

you exhaled, the laughter still on your lips as you looked at his profile from where your cheek pressed against his shoulder. "bet he thinks we're secretly dating."

mingyu laughed, scratching an eyebrow before returning his palm to your ass. "not a secret now."

"oh, so we're dating now?"

mingyu craned his neck to look at you. "is that not what was going to happen?"

you giggled, sitting up and putting your hands on his chest. you adjusted your knees, fully aware of how the movement would rub you against his still hard bulge. "we have both fucked people without dating them afterwards, kim mingyu."

"ah," he said, digging his fingers into your soft ass and rutting into you gently, making you gasp. "we're gonna fuck? i thought we were just joking."

you slapped his chest, giggling still as you rolled your hips. "if you don't wanna, i could ask hao-"

"oh, shut up," he said, pulling you down to kiss him. "if you liked myungho like that you would have tried it ages ago."

you smiled, your thumb running over his adams apple as you placed gentle kisses on his jaw. "sweetie, are we jealous?"

"i don't deserve this, you know?" mingyu pulled your hips against him again, a low grunt tumbling from his beautiful mouth. "i haven't put my dick in a girl since i met you and now i'm with you and you're talking about my roommate? this seems extremely mean."

you giggled again, then placed your lips on his again. he instantly kissed you back, one hand leaving your ass to go to the back of your neck. "you're the only guy i ever think about," you whispered, getting repeatedly interrupted by mingyu's needy lips on yours.

the wolf-like grin that broke onto his face sent chills down your spine. "let's keep it that way."

seokmin's hand was still on the doorknob, his wide eyes blinking, when minghao paused his movie and sat up to poke his head out and look down the hall. "the hell was that?"

he puffed out his cheeks as he walked back into the living room, his palms clapping gently. "i thought you said y/n came over to play smash?"

minghao's eyebrow quirked up. "she did."

the eldest sat on the couch. "i thought mingyu was gay?"

"what?" minghao looked down the hall again. "wait, what? were they-" he stopped when he heard a muffled groan that was far too familiar.

seokmin grabbed the remote and pressed play, scratching his cheek as he turned up the volume. "what are we watching? catch me up."

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adultswim2021 · 2 years

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Tom Goes to the Mayor #20: “Zoo Trouble” | August 14, 2006 – 12:30AM | S02E11

Here's another one I don't particularly like. In “Zoo Trouble”, Tom is working at Jefferton Zoo, which has seen better days. This is largely due to a competing animal park, which is a 3D/Virtual experience that involves getting shook around in a hanging roller-coaster style apparatus. This park is run by Brian Doyle-Murray, who is one of the best guys going, and maybe better than his brother Bill. Also, there's a Gorilla named Michael Davidson that hasn't come out of it's cave at Tom's Zoo, and this factors into the plot when he finally DOES. He befriends Tom and gives him some sort of advice that I already don't remember what it was. It winds up being a scam perpetrated on Tom for some kind of financial gain by the competing animal park.

Notable moments include: Bob as a cashier, doing basically his Droopy voice from Mr. Show (I think he did him once before in season one and I don’t feel like looking it up to confirm that I’m right). Tom saying “My name is Tom Peters and I'm in Zoo Trouble!” in the opening instead of “My name is Tom Peters and I'm full of ideas”, I'm noting this because other than Brian Doyle-Murray's appearance in this episode it's literally the ONLY THING I REMEMBERED about this episode.

The humor in this one is a tad off; it's zany, and in the DVD commentary they call it Zucker-Bros.-esque. They spend most of the commentary doing an extended bit about Eric going to Universal Studios for lunch. It's funnier than the actual episode. There's a wacky ending where everyone turns out to be each other in disguise, which is fine but overdone in the world of comedy. In a similar vein there's also a Benny Hill spoof sequence, which seems like some sort of rite-of-passage for hip comedy shows. Mr. Show did it. UCB did it. If they did a To Sir With Love riff in this I'd scream.

EPHEMERA CORNER:

youtube

Shin Chan (August 19, 2006 – 11:30PM)

Okay: I admit that I don't really know that much about Shin-Chan, but I do remember Adult Swim airing it on Saturdays and Weekdays around this time. I remember Sarah Dyer and Evan Dorkin being part of the English dub writing team. So this will not be a deep dive, but what ever is on this blog?

I usually avoid watching second-run stuff too much because my time is... valuable? No. Scarce? Sometimes! Yeah! It's scarce. So, this show is anime which I don't normally cover, but it's also a comedy which I do normally cover. And I remembered so little about this show (which I did watch at least a couple times) that I actually threw on the first episode to check it out last night. I can't say it made me laugh much, but it's alright. The first joke I remember is a kid saying something like “how come you're so rich? Are your parents doctors, lawyers, or jews?” I chuckled at this, but I don't think I laughed again. That's because every joke on the show is basically like this. Kids naming toys they wanna buy and then the last item is “crystal meth”. It's very joke-driven is what I mean. But, if you like it, god bless ya.

MAIL BAG

You've convinced me. I now like "thanks for caring" and will be using it to end all my messages. Thanks for caring.

This is good to see, I’m glad that I’ve tricked you into liking a bad sketch!

I will have to admit, that I had to look this the JJ Pepper sketch up because I didn’t really remember it well. The part where he brags about driving his car to and from the event was so funny, he puts himself in a cartoon racecar, lol. He is so proud of being an adult

Sorry, can’t get the JJ Pepper sketch out of my head. I don’t think anyone would consider that sketch an “all-time great” on the show and certainly not anyone’s favorite Will Forte sketch on that show. They would probably say “Quilting with Will” or “Lazy Horse Mattress”. I personally like JJ Pepper the best because the character is so needy. It doesn’t rely like on any gross-out or shock humor so it should stand the test of time. I dunno. Why don’t you use me for your next event, huh? LOL!

You had an arcade at the pool? That's awesome, but how did wet kids not get zapped by the machines? What were the best games?

There was a country club in my old neighborhood, which wasn’t fancy at all but it did have a big pool and a snack bar and tennis courts and stuff. I think we went there as part of a grade-school graduation thing? Like I remember the end of 6th grade was the whole class going there. Also I went a couple other times as a guest with a family that had a membership. I remember a Mortal Kombat cabinet and one of those NEO GEO cabinets with four different games in the snack bar. Dude honestly it rocked. This is literally the only place I’ve ever been where “adult swim” was ever invoked. It was Northern California and summers were hot as fuck and pools were always easy to come by at friends or neighbor’s houses.

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #tom goes to the mayor

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saviorinsilk · 4 years

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Again

Ship: Wilhemina Venable x Fem!Reader

Description: Wilhemina Venable is your College English Professor and on a particular night you learn your lesson for speaking out in class. This is an AU!

Words: 1869

Warnings: Punishment, professor x student, strap on sex, spanking, domination and discipline.

A/N: You guys wanted more of Venable spanking reader so here you sluts go!

Tears clouded your vision of the textbook that was laying open on the desk in front of you. Your body jerked forward when yet another harsh slap rang loudly through the Victorian styled office. Ms. Venable had delivered another brutal hit on your already red, welt covered ass. You didn't make any noise, you wouldn't dare. Your professor had taught you better than that. But oh how you wished you could vocally express yourself.

"Again Miss Y/L/N." Ms. Venable spoke from behind you, her bruising grip loosening up so she could ghost her hand up your lower back and back down. She caressed the sensitive skin of your burning red ass in slow circles as she pushed your dress that was already hiked up, even higher and out of her way.

You supported yourself on one of your shaky elbows as you wiped your eyes with your free hand, the words on the page in front of you now clearer.

"First Person; In the subjective case, the singular form of the first person is "I," and the plural form is "we." "I" and "we" are in the subjective case because either one can be used as the subject of a sentence." Your voice was small, the half-hour of canning you had already endured because of your slip up in Ms. Venable's English lecture, having already caused you to sink deep into your submissive headspace. You braced yourself for the impending attack, making it easier to hold back the whimper that dared to escape.

Ms. Venable's delicate but deadly cane collided with your ass for what felt like the hundredth time, your weak legs beginning to shake as your full ass bounced with the force of the hit.

You took that as your cue to continue and once again began reading over the next paragraph on the page she had been making you repeat, this time your voice shaking as she hit you once, twice and three times.

"Second Person; You use the second-person point of view to address the reader, as I just did. T-The second person uses the pronouns "you," "your," and "yours." We use these t-three pronouns when addressing one, or more than one, person." Your voice was beginning to falter and you wished you had just kept your mouth shut and hadn't made that stupid snippy remark in class.

"Actually Ms. V, wouldn't you want to use first person?" You regretted opening your mouth the moment the classroom fell silent. You knew you had fucked up and everyone else did as well, giving you sympathetic looks as Ms. Venable slowly made her way over to your seat, her cane clicking loudly against the tile floor as she did. She didn't stop until she was standing directly in front of your desk at the front of the class, her piercing dark gaze locked on you. You couldn't bring yourself to meet her eyes as she spoke.

"If you are going to try and correct me Miss Y/L/N, at least do it right."

She snapped back, the class straining not to erupt in laughter, fearing her wrath. A hand shot up at the other side of the room but Ms. Venable took a moment before she nodded at the girl.

"I believe the correct answer is actually second person Ms.Venable." Stupid Casey. You hated Casey. She was such a kiss ass. Always offering to help Ms. Venable after class, purposely being the last one (other than you of course) to leave the class so she could steal a few extra moments with your professor. You hated how jealous the blonde, skinny College girl made you; but you couldn't help it. Even the knowledge that Casey thought of Ms. Venable in that way made your blood boil. And Ms Venable knew it too.

"Very right Casey. Glad to know some of you are paying attention. As for you Miss Y/L/N, we will discuss your behaviour after class."

There had been nothing you had been able to do but clench you're fists and get through the rest of class.

"You will be in my office by 11:30pm sharp." Was all she said before directing her attention back to her computer.

She didn't need to ask. Only You and Ms. Venable knew the truth. That this was exactly what you had wanted. When you didn't move she glared at you, making you blush and quickly pick up your books and throw your bag over your shoulder. Your plan was progressing perfectly and her furious gaze only made you squeeze your thighs together harder, biting your lip the way you knew drove your secret lover crazy.

Her office was connected to the small apartment she lived in on campus. It was a 5-minute walk from your dorm, one you had gotten quite accustomed too.

You still remember the first night you spent in her office. Ms. Venable had offered to tutor you through the writing project she had assigned. She had sat across her desk from you and for the first time you had witnessed her smile, telling you that your outline looked perfect. It was something that didn't often happen from the tough grader. That had been the first night. A tutoring session gone sexual.

Today had been no different, except you knew what was awaiting you and it wasn't praise. She barely had spoken to you before she had bent you over her desk, slamming the textbook down in front of you and making you go to page 62, paragraph 23, demanding you begin reading.

Ms. Venable had seemed to have found a tad of mercy in her cold heart, as she lowered her cane, instead gently tracing the welts and light bruises that had already begun to form from the assault from her cane.

You took the chance to catch your breath, squeezing your eyes shut, demanding that the salty tears that dared to spill down onto the pages below to stay put.

That's when you heard it, the light sound of her skirt dropping, the delicate lavender fabric pooling at her feet before the woman stepped out of it and slid it out of her way. The sound elicited both excitement and fear in you. It made your stomach twist and the warmth that had built up in your core was becoming painful.

That's when you felt it, smooth and rock hard against your ass. She had been wearing her strap the whole evening and by weight of it, you knew it was your favourite one.

Ms. Venable leaned down over you, the dominance she radiated causing you to press your thighs together, desperate to quench the painful arousal that the dark woman had caused. Her strap pressed again your wet cunt as she snatched your long hair that was already pulled up in a ponytail (convenient for her) in her fist. You couldn't help the high pitched squeak that slipped past your lips as she yanked your head back. You could feel Ms. Venable's hot breath against the shell of your ear as she used her foot to kick your legs wider apart; granting her access to the part of you that only belonged to her.

"You enjoy being a brat? Embarrassing me in front of all my students?" She sarcastically asked, slapping your cunt roughly with her impossibly large cock. You bit your lip to keep your moans locked inside, drawing blood as Ms. Venable delivered a few more slaps to your aching cunt. You shook your head frantically, crying out as you opened your mouth to answer her.

"No Ms! I'm a bad girl! I'm sorry!" You whimper as she pulled your earlobe into her mouth.

She hit you with her hand harder than you were expecting and simultaneously slide her large, thick cock into you. The impossible stretch you felt as Ms. Venable buried herself completely inside of your dripping, warm and throbbing cunt, made you moan deeply, fresh tears pricking your eyes. You arched your back painfully and dropped your head to the wooden desk, smashing against it loud enough to cause Ms.Venable's predatory expression to falter for a split second. The concern faded quickly though when she felt you began to grind your hips back, desperate for your professor to give you what you needed.

She moaned in pleasure as she watched your tight hole stretch perfectly around her cock, like you were made for it. Made to serve her.

Ms. Venable's hand came down on your right ass cheek and then the left, her dark eyes blown black with lust. She could tell you were close, noticing the way your whimpers became more desperate, the textbook falling flat on the desk, your head resting on top it.

"Ah, ah, ah don't be a greedy little slut. You better not cum until you're finished." Ms. Venable warned you in a calm tone as she stayed still inside of you, as torturous as it was for her, the stimulation of the base of the strap had begun to make her clit throb but she knew you wouldn't last if she didn't.

Ms. Venable may have been a cruel Mistress and a strict teacher but she knew how sensitive you were after a spanking. How the pain lit your body up like a live wire. Plus, after how good you had been for her, she truly didn't want to have to punish you for cumming without permission.

"Third Person; The third person is the most common point of view used in fiction writing and is the traditional form for academic writing. Authors of novels and composers of papers use "he," "she," or "it" when referring to a person, place, thing, or idea." You practically screamed the last sentence, bucking your hips back roughly, trying to get Ms. Venable as deep inside of you as you possibly could. You were sweating, crying and shaking like a pathetic mess, exactly how Professor Venable liked you.

"PLEASE! Fucking hell! Please, Ms. Venable! I won't forget again!" You sobbed, becoming frantic for something, anything that would soothe the burning and twisting sensation in your lower abdomens

Ms. Venable chuckled to herself, proud of the effect she had on you. If she were honest, she was glad you had finished up as she couldn't stand the intensely of her own arousal another second longer.

"Good girl. Such a smart slut. Now cum for me" You barely had time to register her words before Ms. Venable began thrusting into your roughly, a sure-fire way to have you cumming around her cock.

When your orgasm does snap in your belly Ms.Venable pulled you up, your back crashing into her chest. Your body went ridge, fire washing over you and Ms. Venable held onto you tightly, supporting your weight as she fucked you through your orgasm. "Thank y-you Miss!" You barely got the words out as your body shook with the aftershock of your orgasm.

Ms.Venable smirked wickedly as she shoved you back down on your elbows, cock pulled from your cunt with a sharp spank on your ass cheek. When she finally spoke again, you froze, hearing the three words you dreaded the most.

"Again Miss Y/L/N."

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ghostsxagain · 3 years

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//hey friends. looks like I needed the weekend away from my computer. I had no muse and focused on other hobbies and tasks (yesterday Jamie and I spent the day running errands and hanging out and it was really nice to unwind with him - he woke me up with Tim’s breakfast he got for us, it was a good day). today I have an in class essay to write from 6-9pm and have to go to the pharmacy but I would really like to try bringing muse back later if I can.

I still haven’t really come to a decision about work though I think I’m getting closer. my gut is telling me to put my two weeks in now. and to take a few weeks at minimum off of work. just focus on the end of semester, do my assignments and take care of my mental health. then I can apply for jobs and take it slow. my mom thinks I may need to take a few months off to recover but I’ll have to look into what my options are (maybe if I stay jobless I can get a bigger osap loan to help with rent during summer sessions? no idea). I just dont have the energy anymore. under the cut I’m going to post what happened saturday. it’s long so don’t feel inclined to read if ya don’t wanna. I just wanted to get it out there//

so r, my supervisor started at 7am. I started at 8am. we had three open shifts throughout the day, with an operator set to come it at 9am and another at 3pm, then the manager, k, at 4:30pm. pretty baren schedule. well, the 9am tells r that she isn’t coming in today, so it will literally just be the two of us all day. naturally we panic because we can’t handle calls alone! and what about our lunch breaks! only one person will be on? that’s not fair! so r calls k and asks her what to do. k says to contact two other operators that don’t work saturdays and ask them to come in.... okay, helpful. neither of them answers us.

so we do what we can. thankfully call volumes are pretty low. k comes in at 11 and bumps our breaks up and she covers them. she sends me a message saying something like “thank you for doing this today. can you take lunch at 12 instead?” and I ignored the first half of her message and just confirmed the lunch time because I’m mad at her.

I come back from lunch and all hell breaks loose. k left and wont be coming back until 2ish. so its just r and I again and o m g. we keep getting calls from one of our property management companies. the residents received a weird note about the parking passes and that their cars will get towed if they dont go to the office to update the passes or whatever but no one is at the office so everyone is standing outside in the cold so their cars dont get towed. we took one disgruntled call and notified the property manager right away, as per our instructions. well, the calls wouldn’t stop. over and over residents called screaming at us. we have a queue of 5-8 calls for an hour, they won’t stop. after so many people yelling I snapped and just started bawling. I messaged r that I need a breather to take my medication so I leave for a few minutes. she apologizes and tells me to take my time. by the time I come back it seems to have quieted down.

then k comes in and she messages me another thank you message and I couldn’t handle it. I told her that this isnt easy or fair and this past week has drained me and I can’t continue working under these conditions. she apologized for the girl calling in sick, said she didn’t know that would happen, and that she tries to get people to come in. I said that my point is bigger than just today though, we’ve been understaffed for ages and haven’t brought anyone new on. we had three open shifts before she called in sick - thats a problem man. she said that she has the board outside (basically a wooden standup in the plaza the office is in that advertises that we’re hiring) and hasn’t found anyone yet. I got mad and said ‘look, I don’t think the board is sufficient. do you have an ad on indeed or kijiji? I referred someone to you and you passed on her, as have other ladies here. something more needs to be done.’ well she didn’t like that. she called me right away and was extremely defensive and was literally crying. she said that people hired need to work in the office for 3 months to see that they’re a good fit and that’s why she didn’t take on my referral (my sister who lives out of city, but its remote work so why does that matter BUT OKAY) and I said ‘K, I’m not attacking you. you can train however you like, I’m just bringing it up to say that us as operators have tried to help you with hiring and even that isn’t enough.’ she said that its been so hard and she’s doing all she can and blah blah blah. I told her frankly it isn’t enough. I shouldn’t have to be thanked for working BARE BONES shifts. I shouldn’t have to take 40 calls in one hour like I did last week. I told her I’m tired and have nothing else to give and that I’m being honest with her. she knows I’m a student, she knows I have depression and anxiety issues. yet she’s going to cry to me about how hard things have been???????? she didn’t want to talk or acknowledge my feelings, all she said back was “I guess I have to try harder” and I said YUPP and hung up. she immediately went on DND and didn’t take calls until I was about to leave for the day.

so yeah I’m done. a manager that has been with the company LONGER THAN I HAVE BEEN ALIVE can’t take suggestions? complaints? concerns? can’t just listen to her employee without taking it personally? hm. yikes. I wrote my resignation letter and am just debating how I want to go about this. I’ve been with the company for 5 years. I can’t take it anymore. the callers are tough already, now my boss has to pile on and not hire. I shouldn’t have to be thanked for dealing with this shit - just don’t put me in these positions!!!!

#if you read through all this you are a trooper and you're the best ever #hard decisions need to be made #I have the day off but go back tomorrow and would rather cut my ears off #laughing my anxiety off {ooc}

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mdemontespan1667 · 4 years

Text

THE FLIP SIDE

READER GETS MORE THAN SHE PAID FOR ON HALLOWEEN

ROBERT PRONGE X READER / ROBERT PRONGE X READER X CLAY APPUZZO

WARNINGS WARNINGS WARNINGS WARNINGS

NON-CON / DRUG USE / VIOLENCE / GORE / VAGINAL, ORAL AND ANAL SEX / NON-CON / BLOOD USE DURING SEX / MENTIONS OF DEATH / NON-CON / USE OF FORCE FOR SEX / ANAL SEX / THIS IS DARK AF / DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THE ABOVE OFFENDS YOU / I’M NOT KIDDING THIS IS SUPER DARK / NON-CON/ THREESOME

18+ ONLY

THIS IS FOR MY QUEEN @jtargaryen18 HAUNTED HOUSE CHALLENGE. I HAVEN’T FINISHED WRITING ANYTHING IN MONTHS SO HOPEFULLY THIS ISN’T MULE PUKE. I KINDA PROOFREAD IT SO PLEASE EXCUSE THE MISTAKES. I WANTED TO GET IT POSTED BEFORE I CHANGED MY MIND.

I ALSO HAVE TO GIVE A BIG SHOUT OUT TO @jtargaryen18 AGAIN. WITHOUT HER SERIES PRETTY BABY THIS WOUDN’T EXIST. (I spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to link it but I’m an idiot. You can find it in her MASTERLIST.)

“FUCK! Move it you goddamn moron. It’s the little skinny pedal on the right!”

You punctuated the tirade by smacking your hands on the steering wheel.

If you were late because this fucking asshole couldn’t figure out how to fucking drive your wrath would blanket the Earth in pain and fire.

“Ok,” you thought to yourself, “that’s a bit much. Calm your ass down.”

Pulling in a deep breath you tried to relax but a quick check of your phone destroyed whatever miniscule inner peace you had found.

11:30pm

If you didn’t get to the warehouse in 30 minutes you had not only cleared out your savings account for nothing but, much much more importantly, you would lose your one and only chance to mingle with THE Chris Evans.

Every year the abandoned warehouses in the now shuttered manufacturing district hosted haunted attractions. Local legends about murdered seamstresses or deranged psycho killers were the usual fare. You and your friends went every year even though you spent more time laughing than screaming.

Tonight was different. The city was hellbent on revitalizing the area. However, tax increases had been voted down and the regular historical foundation fundraisers weren’t working.

Miraculously someone on the Mayor’s staff’s husband’s second cousin’s uncle’s first wife knew someone who knew someone else who knew Chris. Somehow he had been convinced to do a one night only completely immersive Halloween event.

By a unanimous vote it was decided that The Hitman would be perfect for the evening considering the city’s history. The promo material promised over 8,000 square feet of mafia-style murder, mayham, blood and guts all set to a 70’s backdrop.

So you’d drained your savings for the ticket and maxed out every credit card. There was no way in hell you were missing this.

11:40pm

“Dammit.”

This was all Chloe’s fault. She had called off sick this morning (you knew damn good and well she wasn’t sick. Bitch had drunk texted you at 3am) leaving you with all the prep work that the night shift had neglected to finish.

Gretchen wasn’t able to get in until noon. By that time you were so far in the weeds it would’ve taken a lawnmower the size of a tank to get you out. When the two of you had finished the prep for night shift you were already an hour behind. You had barely had time to shower and get ready.

Turning off the Interstate you sighed.

That wasn’t entirely true.

What should’ve been a quick shower had turned into a steamy self love session.

Just thinking about Chris with that long hair and that dangerous “fuck me” swagger had your hand moving south.

Between one set of fingers working your clit and the other set rolling your nipples it wasn’t long before you were leaning back against the cool tiles panting.

Finished with what you hoped was a little pregaming you had taken an hour to carefully apply the shimmering pale lavender eyeshadow, rosy blush and frosted peach lipstick. The low cut gold lame halter dress and strappy black stiletto heels completed the look.

And, yes, you might have spent more than a few minutes admiring the way the thin fabric alternatively skimmed and hugged your body in all the right places. Your still hardened nipples just added to the look.

11:50pm

You were here.

Stepping out of your car the valet rolled his eyes.

“I know, I know I’m late.”

“Ten more minutes and the doors would’ve been closed for the night,” the valet huffed.

“I’m really sorry.”

You dug in your purse, grabbing a twenty.

“There’s another fifty if you can park me close.”

With a lecherous smile the valet took your keys, headed for your car.

Taking a deep breath you opened the heavy steel door.

Your senses were immediately assaulted.

Body odor, cheap perfume and stall cologne hung heavy in the air.

A small disco ball attached to the ceiling reflected the dim lighting, cigarette smoke swirling.

“Hey!”

A meaty, sweat stained hand grabbed your upper arm.

“You’re fucking late bitch.”

Taken aback by the man you could only stutter.

“I’m sorry, I…….”

SMACK

Your head snapped to the side.

“I don’t give a fuck if you’re sorry. When I tell you to be somewhere at a certain time I fucking mean it. This guy is a heavy hitter and I promised him a prime piece of ass for the evening. If you fuck this up I’ll have you on your knees sucking dick at ten bucks a pop for the next year.”

Getting a good look at the balding, pot bellied man who had hit you fear spread through you.

Jerking your arm away you went off on him.

“What the hell are you doing. I know this is supposed to be realistic but getting hit wasn’t on the release form.”

The man hit you again, this time knocking you to the floor. You looked around for help. However no one took any notice.

Reaching down he dug his hands into your hair, hauling you up. As he wrested you toward the dance floor the sharp staccato of a car’s horn drew your attention.

Before the door shut you caught a glimpse of a dimly lit street, vintage cars and a smattering of people dressed similar to you.

The rotting warehouses were gone.

You didn’t have time to contemplate what you had seen before you were being roughly pulled through the crush of dancers writhing to Ballroom Blitz.

Your “guide” stopped just short of a dark corner booth.

“I need this deal to happen so you do whatever the man wants.”

You peered down at the table. It was littered with highball glasses filled with various quantities of melting ice and, from the smell of it, Crown Royal. Thick white stripes of cocaine were laid out like fenceposts.

“Look who finally showed up. Sorry, she wanted to make sure she looked extra sexy for you.”

A man bent over the lines, snorted it then looked up pinching the end of his nose. He traced his finger across the powder remnants, rubbing the residue across his gums.

“Fuck. She is a tasty piece isn’t she.”

At that moment a flash of light from the disco ball illuminated his face.

You found yourself staring into the cold blue eyes of Robert Pronge.

No, you corrected yourself, not Robert, it was Chris.

Except that wasn’t quite right either.

You tried to pass it off as just good acting but something was wrong.

Very wrong.

A quick glance around only heightened your unease.

It was all a little too perfect.

The club looked aged. The carpeted floor was worn through in places, hopelessly stained in others. Behind the bar the mirror was gray at the edges, coated with decades of smoke.

Your fellow “guests” seemed jagged and rough, their clothes and faces well worn.

But the biggest red flag was the smell. All the old warehouses invariably held the aroma of grease and oil the now gone machines had bled. Your friends used to call it Haunted House #5.

Robert broke your revere by pulling you onto his lap.

“Wait, I’m not sure….”

“Not sure what baby.”

His attention turned to the other man who had taken a seat at the booth.

“I thought you said she’d be ready to go Preston. If you don’t want me to do the job I’m sure you can find someone else.”

The man you now knew as Preston answered in a rush.

“No, no , she’s ready.”

He pinched your arm.

“Tell him your ready sweetheart”

You shook your head.

“No, somethings wrong. I….”

Robert leaned into you.

“I’ve been rude baby.”

His breath was fetid, a combination of cigarettes and whiskey.

“Here,” he brought a glass filled to the brim to your lips, “I started the party without you.”

Gripping your jaw he forced your mouth open, pouring the burning liquid down your throat.

Preston smirked as you sputtered and coughed.

“Uh Robert, you mind if I take a bump.”

Robert handed a rolled up one hundred dollar bill to the odious man.

Preston chose the biggest line. When he finished he handed the bill back.

“Maybe your plaything needs one too. Get her motor running real good.”

Robert tried to place the bill in your hand.

“Uh no. Really I can’t.”

You figured the chances it was really coke were slim but things were spinning out of control. No need to tempt fate.

“It wasn’t a request.”

Robert stuck the bill in your nostril. He bent your head down to the table.

“Go on,” he whispered, “It’ll feel good.”

With no alternative you sucked the white powder up your nose.

The burn was immediate. You shook your head and tried to clear it.

“Good girl. Now we can really start the party.”

Robert reached down, popped the button and unzipped his pants. He guided your hand to his massive hard on. You pulled your hand back like you had touched fire.

His hand seized you by the throat.

“I was promised a good time. As far as I’m concerned you’ve got some lost time to make up for.”

He guided your hand back, covering your hand with his.

“See,” Robert used your hand to pump his cock up and down, “It’s easy.”

When he removed his hand your movement was sporadic.

His hand tightened around your throat.

“I know you can do better than this baby.”

Afraid to refuse you evened out your strokes, swiping across the head to gather the pre-cum that had formed. His hand dropped away from your throat.

As you jacked Robert off under the table he and Preston continued speaking. You tried to pay attention but it seemed to be all code words and gibberish.

“Fuck baby, this ain’t working.”

Robert pushed the table back a few inches.

“Time to really earn your pay. On your knees.”

Your mouth dropped open in shock.

“What. No. This, This has gone way too far.”

Standing to leave, he snatched you by the waist. Gripping you by the back of the neck he forced you down on the carpet. He yanked you between his legs, crossing them behind you.

“Open your pretty little mouth.”

“No,” you shook your head vehemently.

Sighing Robert slid his hand under your dress. He cruelly took a hold of your breast and squeezed. The pain finally became too much and you opened your mouth to scream. He took full advantage, shoving his cock into your mouth. The bunched up fabric of his pants kept you from taking his full length.

Your relief was short lived. One handedly he maneuvered his pants lower. One push and your face was impaled on his cock, the tip pushing deep into your throat.

You choked, his pubic hair catching the tears that had started to fall.

Letting go of your neck he hooked his hand into the front of your hair, lifting your head just enough to see him.

“If you’re a good little whore I’ll let you do it yourself.”

He pressed your face down again, holding it until you were slapping at his legs.

Lifting your head he spoke again.

“But if you’re not I’ll fuck your face until your throat bleeds and I won’t give a damn if you can’t breath. I’ll shoot my cum down your dead throat. Do you understand.”

You weren’t sure if it was the terror or your sense of self preservation that had you nodding your head.

Robert smiled and picked up his glass. He swirled the amber contents, taking a sip.

“You better get started baby. I’m not a patient man.”

A chuckle drew your attention to Preston who sat watching intently.

Trying your best to ignore him you placed your hands on Robert’s knees for balance and started bobbing your head.

Wanting it over you pulled out all the tricks you knew, hollowing your cheeks so you could take him deep, using your tongue for added friction.

After a few minutes he uncrossed his legs from behind you. He shoved one leg between yours.

A low moan of shame formed as the tip of his booted foot slid easily across your pussy lips.

“Baby likes it rough huh. I knew that bump would get your engine going.”

He used his other foot to push you down farther, spreading your legs.

“Fuck my shoe whore. It’s nice and dirty just like you.”

You rocked your hips, dragging your clit across the tip of his shoe, the slightly longer sole flicking your clit almost painfully.

Moving back and forth your mouth and hips found their rhythm. The cocaine in your system had you whining, your body primed to cum.

Abruptly Robert caught your head with both hands. His foot left your pussy as he mercilessly fucked your face.

The thrusting of his hips wobbled the table knocking over the glasses, the alcohol spilling down your back.

You felt his cock twitch a second before he came, his hot cum coating your throat.

He rode out his orgasm then pressed your face hard into his crotch.

“Swallow every drop baby.”

Content that you had followed his order he lifted you back up onto his lap.

“Damn sweet thing, You’re a mess.”

Pointing towards a hallway he said, “Go clean yourself up. Bathroom is just down there.”

The eagerness to leave must have shown on your face.

“Oh no, we ain’t finished yet. The night’s just getting started. You got 15 minutes.”

In your haste to leave you tripped over his legs. You landed ass up on the table. He ran his hands between your legs, swiping through your slit.

“Mmmmmm,” he brought his fingers to his mouth, licking them one by one.

“Poor cunt didn’t get hers did she. We’ll fix that when you get back.”

Slapping your ass Robert sniggered.

“Clocks ticking.”

Regaining your footing your half walked, half ran toward the corridor.

This was fucked up. Seriously fucked up. It was just supposed to be a meet and greet. How the hell had it gone off the rails. And what about those cars, the street, this place.

Lost in your thoughts you missed the ladies room. Turning around to retrace your steps you gazed across the bar. Like a beacon in a storm an exit sign burned bright.

You had to check the urge to run. That would only draw attention.

Instead you waited until you could blend in to a group of giggling women headed for the dance floor.

As they branched off you made a run for it.

You hit the exit door hard, damn near flying through it.

The parking lot you expected to find wasn’t there. Instead there was a dark alley. It smelled of garbage and urine. The air was full of exhaust.

“What the fu….”

ZING

Something sticky and wet splattered your face, neck and upper body. Whatever it was dripped from your cheek.

You stared at your hand and saw that it was covered in blood. You drew in air to scream but a hand slammed across your mouth.

“Jesus Christ Clay. This bastard was supposed to be dead an hour ago.”

“Lay off man. Traffic was a bitch.”

“Get him in the fucking van. We gotta get him to the loft. Preston wants proof in two hours.”

Watching the dark headed man throw the dead body into the van broke your shock.

Crazily you struck out, kicking and frantically throwing your elbows.

“Grab some rope Clay. Little whore here needs to be taught a lesson.”

Clay strutted back from the van.

“Thought we had a schedule to keep Freezy.”

He handed the rope to Robert.

“What do we have here.”

The brunette lifted your chin.

He looked familiar but you couldn’t place him. In a different time and place you would have found him attractive, maybe even vibrator worthy. A rush of slick flooded your pussy.

“Hold her so I can tie her up.”

You were pushed forward into Clay’s arms.

Robert wrenched your arms back, wrapping the rope from your armpits to your wrists.

“I don’t know what’s going on anymore but I swear I won’t say a thing if you let me go.”

You continued to ramble.

“Not a word. I’ll donate more money. I’ll leave a good review. I swear.”

Clay clenched his jaw.

“What the fuck is she talking about.”

“Who the fuck knows. Just shut her up.”

Clay thought for a minute then ran to the van. He returned with the dead man’s tie. Robert moved his hand and Clay showed the tie in your mouth.

Robert pulled up your dress. Unbuckling his pants again he pulled your back to his chest, holding you in place.

“We ain’t got much time. You in or not.”

Clay’s hands worked his zipper down.

“Hell yes.”

He lifted your legs, wrapping them around his hips. You could feel him at your entrance.

Running his finger across your cheek he painted your lips with the congealing blood.

“Now you look like a good whore.”

Snapping his hips’ Clay was balls deep in one thrust.

“Damn Freezy, she’s tight as fuck. You been in this yet.”

“Not yet.”

Clay leaned in, licking the blood from your neck.

“Not like you to take sloppy seconds my man.”

“I’m getting something tighter.”

It took a minute for Robert’s meaning to filter in. You tried twisting away but the two men held you.

Clay yanked the tie from your mouth.

“Spit.”

When you refused he backhanded you.

“My good friend Robert is gonna fuck that nice ass of yours. If you don’t want him going in dry you better spit.”

You tried to spit but fear had dried your mouth.

Clay shoved the tie back in and slid his hand across your chest gathering more blood. He ran the same hand through your slit.

“Fuck, whore’s wet as hell. It’s practically running down her legs.”

He massaged your slick and blood mixture around your tight ring pressing his thumb in and out.

“That’s enough. Hold her legs up. I’ll get in first then you can get in.”

Clay did as Robert said, holding your legs up and back.

Robert aligned his cock with your hole and pushed in.

The pain was excruciating. You weren’t an anal virgin but he hadn’t given you time to adjust.

Clay moved closer, his erect cock glistening with your juices.

He elevated your knees and thrust in.

They fucked you in tandem, pulling out and pushing in.

You struggled against them both but it didn’t matter.

Defeated you laid your head back on Robert’s shoulder, letting the men use you like a rag doll.

Robert came first. His cock went stiff and he bucked up into your ass. He pulled out, his cum dribbling down your ass.

With Robert disengaged Clay took hold of your waist. His thrusts became deeper and harder.

“Play with her clit Clay. I promised her she’d get hers.”

Robert took over holding one of your legs up which freed one of Clay’s hands. He rubbed along your slit, settling next to your nub. His thumb circled it slowly. Your body trembled. Robert pulled the tie from your mouth.

“Ask for it baby. Ask and ye shall receive.”

“No, please, please….”

“She thinks she’s better than us Clay. Doesn’t want to admit that we can make her cum.”

“Too bad.”

Clay redoubled his efforts, assaulting your clit. The pleasure grew until he tipped you over the edge. Your hips bucked against him as you came.

He followed a few minutes later.

Both men dropped your legs. Too shaky to stand you fell to the ground.

Robert pulled a gun from his ankle holster and pointed it at your head.

“Wait Freezy.”

“Why. We’re done with her.”

“What if we keep her.”

“Why. She’s just a cheap piece of ass Clay. We can get a dozen just like her inside.”

“Yeah but we got her broke in. And we can do whatever we want. Noone is gonna care. The only person who knows you were with her is Preston. I can take him out easy.”

“Whatever we want huh,” Robert said.

“Yup. The possibilities are endless.”

“Alright. Get her in the van.”

Clay tossed your limp form into the van. Your head bounced off the van floor.

Before closing your eyes you heard the plaintive sound of Don Henley's voice:

Last thing I remember

I was running for the door

I had to find the passage back

To the place I was before

“Relax,” said the night man

We are programmed to receive

You can check out any time you like

But you can never leave

(Eagles

Written By Don Felder, Don Henley, Glenn Fry

Hotel California

1977)

It’s been awhile since I’ve written and since this is pretty DARK I’m only tagging a few people

@sagechanoafterdark @imanuglywombat @sapphirescrolls @saiyanprincessswanie @imdarkinme @the-soulofdevil

I’m working on a permanent Taglist so if you’ve asked to be tagged please forgive me.

#jshauntedhouse2020 #DARK!#robert pronge #dark robert pronge #dark clay appuzzo #robert pronge fanfic #The Iceman fanfic #chris evans #dark

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