#and roman had to go get him during his drug spiral?

[murdererofthumbs]

Seeing reactions after this episode is actually slightly hysterical? It proves that this fandom can be so blind-sighted by characters relations, that they forget what show they are watching. Like, I have always been a self-proclaimed Roman-girl, because I find him compelling and extremely psychologically interesting, and like all of these characters, to a certain extent, I do empathise with him on the level of trauma that he went through. But why the fuck are people surprised that THIS is how he behaved in this episode is beyond me. Oh, suddenly Roman is dead to you because he behaved in the way that was very much consistent with who he is? That’s who all of these people are, like come on, what do we think we are watching here? You didn’t really think he will suddenly become a defender of democracy because it serves a greater good of the country? He was the one to fucking choose Mencken as a president, he cherry-picked him for Logan, because he knew that their views align, that Mencken will be a smart business decision. This whole thing is a transactional procedure - they needed to get someone who will be willing to serve their corrupt interests. Roman doesn’t see a problem in having fascist as a president, because he will never be touched by the consequences of having that kind of man in power. He is very much safe at the top of the mountain, and who the fuck cares what will happen to the peasants at the bottom of the chain? In this way, he imitates Logan the most, because in the end of the day, people are units to him, to all of them really, some of them are just more willing to admit this than others.

Also, like, “uuu, Roman was such a misogynist to Shiv this episode, he just didn’t listen to her at all”. Look, can we stop being delusional here for a second or is it some sort of selective memory situation? Roman is a misogynist. Kendall is a misogynist. Shiv, in fact, has a lot of internalised misogyny going on, and her being a woman never stopped her from pushing other women under the fucking bus, so let’s be real here for a second. And that is not to be said in defence of Roman, frankly nothing what I’m saying here is supposed to justify his behaviour in this or any other episode, but it’s more of like… reality check? I know that Roman’s self-destructive spiral and semi-decent behaviour at the beginning of this season might have clouded certain aspects of who he is, but please, go back to season 3 and count all the instances of him throwing misogynistic and, frequently incestuous jokes and innuendo, at Shiv? How many times he undermines her position on the basis of her being a woman? Or how Kendall, for that matter, uses similar arguments in 03x02? All the siblings use aspects of each other as weapons. Kendall is undermined because he is unstable, because he is a drug-addict, because he has a tendency of flying off on the cloud of mania, and crashing in the heap of depression. Shiv is crossed out because she is a woman, because she frankly has no real experience in the firm (which, although people might be super angry about that, because she is such a “girlboss” apparently, but this is a factual argument), because of her relationship to Tom and tendency to take several sides at the same time (with not much thought put into it). And Roman is frequently undermined because he is a freak and a pervert, because “there is something wrong with him”, because he is the weakest dog that is most easily manipulated, who crumples like a wet tissue if only to receive a bit of affection. They all weaponise their “weak” points against each other, because this dog-eats-dog mindset is focal to who they are as a family, to how they were brought up, to how Logan wanted them to be. So please, let’s not be surprised, when Roman suddenly uses misogyny as an argument against Shiv, because it’s not sudden at all, and it’s always been there.

I think what we have on our hands, is the same situation we had in 03x07 during Kendall’s birthday (and previous episode with Mencken), where some people are so outraged by Roman, and by his ability to shove the knife where it hurts, that they suddenly cross him out completely. Again, all these characters are bad people, there was never any doubt about that. They are compelling because of the complexities of their familial relationships, because of their childhood trauma and the consequences that this trauma has on them as adults. But they are still completely reprehensible as human beings, and I think some viewers forget about that and then get outraged when show about awful people features awful people. And I’m sure, either in next or final episode, something will happen and Roman will become sympathetic again, and he will regain his position as a “poor meow meow”, just as he did in the finale of season 3. Its always a fucking carousel with this character and people get sucked in and have their eye’s covered just to realise that nothing really changed, and nothing will change, because in this show people, at their core, remain the same.

[lumosinlove]

Relic Keel

(Warnings in tags)

part i

Sirius woke up with the sun for one reason only. He wanted to see the far off, white sails of Lupin’s boat.

Some people came to Hogwarts Island for the yearly trade show in Helga. Some people came for the resorts. Some came for the waves, perfect for surfing. Some came for the history.

If Sirius hadn’t already lived there his entire life, he would have come for those white sails. But he’d always been here. This island didn’t let many go. Not even Lupin’s boat truly went. It always stayed in view, never even close to a dot on the horizon. Sirius only ever saw the tourists really leave. And they didn’t count. They were strangers.

Sirius pushed himself up from the mattress he’d dumped on the floor one day and never bothered with again, and glanced at Saint, who had fallen asleep on the porch hammock. A book was clutched to his chest. James got them for him, from the island bookstore or his father’s library. Anything he wanted. He even told Saint to keep them sometimes, but Saint never would.

“If I’ve read it, I’ve got it up here,” Saint would say. “I don’t need people asking questions about how I got them anyway.”

“Tell them the truth,” James would say. “I got them for you.”

Saint would just laugh. Everything about Saint was sunny, all the way down to his honey brown skin and bright smile, his golden hair and his amber eyes. Sometimes his laughs weren’t though. Sometimes things about Saint promised storms.

“Or one of the Gods,”—a Hollow word for Godric’s inhabitants— “could say I stole them,” Saint would always reply. “And it’d be all over from there for this St. Clair.”

St. Clair was the name given to all the kids of the island who didn’t have one. It was the name of Godric’s church and orphanage, and Saint Clair was the saint of the island. They thought they were doing a nice thing, giving orphans a name.

The Hallow called him Saint because he wasn’t one, though, and that was why Saint liked it. He wasn’t a St. Clair. He was no saint. No one was.

“Pretty fun,” Saint would laugh. “To be known for what you’re not.”

“Not to mention,” was another one of his sayings, “I get to go around telling all the people of the island that they can worship me in bed.”

Only Sirius knew his real name.

Hogwarts Island had four neighborhoods. Hot all year round, and just off the coast of Guadeloupe in the French territory of the West Indies Islands.

Your island paradise! said the sign on the main port dock in Rowena.

Sirius had spray painted that sign. More than once. Saint liked to replace the dice with site, just to freak people out a little. The tourists took pictures of it anyway, and then of each other. Zinc covered faces, or barely covered girls on spring break. It didn’t matter. They would all be gone in, at most, two weeks. Hogwarts was small, and the neighborhoods kept to themselves. Tourists were both a part of and outside the dynamic.

First, and northward, there was Godric. Money, money, money. Great manors lined the streets, built in the days of French occupation. They were still mostly filled with the old families—Potter, Lupin, McKinnon, Evans, Deveaux. Sirius always swore that more money went to these peoples’ golf courses and gardens and swimming pools than to food and water. It was also where the main hotels were. Griffin Beach was lined with villas and hotels and resorts, all either pointing outwards towards the endless ocean, or inwards, towards the pools and bars and Gryffindor Golf course.

In the western part of the island was Rowena. Rowena was where the island’s port was. It was where the tourists came in, only to get swindled into paying too much for crappy hotels, for their drinks, and for surfboard rentals.

To the East lay Helga. Anything anyone needed, they found it in Helga. Rows and rows of the finest craftsmen. Helga held the other part of Hogwarts’ main income. What the tourists didn’t cover, Helga’s treasures and their yearly trade show did. 

Finally, there was Salazar. The snake of the South, people called it, because it wound all the way out to the skinniest, most pointed part of the island. Salazar was equal part money and dirt. Salazar held more old families, more old money. The Montagues and Capulates, Saint liked to say, the Jets and Sharks. Lestrange, Carrow, Meadowes. Black. The houses, Gothic and looming and built within inches of each other, were the maze of the drug dealers. One quarter of it, at least. Normally, Sirius Black would have nothing but hatred for his home arrondissement, the one he hadn’t re-entered in almost seven years now, for fear of never escaping again, but Salazar had produced Dorcas, after all. And Dorcas was one of Sirius’ closest friends. Doras gave Salazar, if not a redeemable image, proof that it wasn’t a complete hell-hole. There were rarely any cross-over. Godrics stuck to Godric, Salazars to Salazar, and so on. Unless there was trouble.

But then there was The Hollow. It was a sliver of a place, right on the northern-most shoreline. Ironically placed beside Griffin Beach, just outside of Godric. A small slice of land dedicated to…no one really knew who. Runaways, like Sirius? Do-what-you-wants, like Dorcas? Godric-rich-boy-looking-for-a-thrill, like James? Or had you been born there, like Saint?

To the island, they were like the poor of Ancient Rome, slanting wood against the outside of the city’s walls for shelter. But it didn’t feel that way. Not to the people inside.

Some knew what they had done to end up there. Some didn’t. Everyone knew that was it though. You didn’t make it out of The Hallow. Saint liked to say that you had to make it in. Like some A-lister Godric club. A tangle of too low wires, stollen cable, junk yards and thatched, patched houses. More surfboards outside of houses than cars.

They called their little piece of wood leant against the Roman wall Grimmauld Place. Grim old place, in French. Sirius didn’t know why. It wasn’t grim to him. It had always been called that, forever, named by just another somebody that no one knew. A shelter, gorgeous and haphazard, built by different inhabitants over the years, that was half on the ground and half in the trees. Rope ladders, rope bridges. Spirals and spirals of it. Warm, hanging lanterns all the way up into the branches of the biggest oak tree Sirius had ever seen. Like fireflies. None of Godric’s window screen mania. You wanted the sun on your face, you wanted the ocean breeze, you’d deal with a few mosquitoes. Sirius knew that the sun, the sand between his toes, his friends, just a level below…it was worth it. He’d never forget the first time he’d seen it, Saint looking over the railing, much younger, and telling him to fuck off. He’d take it over the dark halls he had grown up in any day.

Sirius planted his feet on the floor and pushed himself up, going to the sink for a glass of water and so he could stare out the window some more. There it was. Sirius loved that boat. The sailor sailed it like they were trying to escape, too. Only, Sirius couldn’t think of a reason a Lupin would want or need to escape. He’d seen their house plenty of times, almost everyday when he went to work at the Potter’s. But that boat…it didn’t fit anything else about the Gods, except perhaps that they could afford it. Sirius loved that boat, he loved its billowing sails, and the looping script reading, Wolfsbane, its name, across the side.

The sky was just beginning to give up dawn, and Sirius wanted to be closer.

He put his glass down and shoved his feet into his flip-flops. Saint was closer to falling out of his hammock now, and dappled in the pale light between palm trees. Sirius gave the hooked fabric a kick, and Saint flailed awake.

“Fucker,” Saint said, one eye open and voice groggy.

“I can’t sleep,” Sirius said. “Let’s go do something.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost dawn.”

It was all Sirius needed to say. Saint threw a hand over his eyes before rolling to his feet and stretching his back. Sirius stared out over one of the railings of Grimmauld and all he could see was ocean. He looked for his boat, his white-sailed perfect thing, and then turned away. He’d have time to watch again at the beach.

The Hollow was grand to Sirius, mostly because it was the farthest away from Salazar that one could get. At this point, Godric, as much as Sirius hated it, felt like a point of protection. If Salazars hated the Godrics, they’d hate having to go through them to get to the Hollow even more. But the Hollow was great for other reasons.

Shack Beach was theirs. No tourists. No villas or hotels that shooed you away from the private bars and lounge chairs. It was empty, and so it was full. And the waves. Oceanic rollers that pushed you up, that let you get your feet under you, or forced you down beneath the surface in a tumble of salt and sand. Not so great during a hurricane, but glorious for this.

Sirius hefted his board under his arm before throwing it into the sand and stretching his arms back, then up above his head. Saint was doing the same beside him, his wooden, sea-soaked cross hanging around his neck.

“D’accord, Black,” Saint said. “Wagers?”

“Whoever gets the most air has to play lookout for Dorcas,” Sirius said. “And dinner.”

“High stakes,” Saint whistled lowly. “Fine.” Saint’s smile was sharp. “Go.”

They took off at a run.

The water, although warm, was the shock Sirius needed. Saint beside him, as always, and the unknown weight of creatures and water below them. It was terrifying and thrilling. The ocean floor was dark this early, but Sirius stared down at it anyway as they sat on their boards, waiting. They didn’t need light for this part anyway. Sirius could recognize the telltale pull of the tides in his sleep.

“Oh,” Saint drew out the sound, tilting his head back. “I feel it, baby.”

Sirius turned wordlessly back towards the shore, Saint following with a flash of a smile, as they began to paddle. Sirius felt the lift, the curl, heard the water begin to rush and rush, faster and faster. The water kissed his feet and hands. Sirius jumped himself up and let out a long whoop, laughing as he gained his footing with a few twirls before pushing himself up towards the crest. He curled around the top of the wave and there was the Wolfsbane again, just for a moment, before it disappeared to the sea again. Sirius, for a moment, had felt like he was sailing beside it, with it.

They could stay out there for hours, always had been able to, but Sirius had work soon. They went until Sirius felt thoroughly salt-drenched, lips parched. Dragging their boards, they collapsed together in a small thicket of palm trees, up the beach a little. It was like a small cave of bark and wind-rustled leaves. There were still a few stars visible, and Sirius closed one eye and connected them with his finger.

“Dipper?” Saint said.

“Just Orion,” Sirius sighed and dropped his hand. “We learned that in school.”

Saint snorted. “When’s the last time we went to school?”

“True,” Sirius laughed, then, “You should steal the Wolfsbane for me."

Saint looked over at him. “What is it with you and the Lupins’ boat?”

Sirius just shrugged. He didn’t know. “I miss sailing, maybe.”

“You know Kris will let you take one of his out at the marina,” Saint replied.

“I don’t want to get him in trouble. He already lends us the motorboat, anyway.”

“You’re all trouble,” Saint said, and then he knocked their ankles together when they had been quiet for a few moments.

“Well?” he asked quietly as the sun began to warm them.

Sirius turned to look at Saint, sand in his hair. He laughed. They both knew what that meant.

“That sort of day, huh?” Sirius said.

“I’m asking for you,” Saint said. “I can go wherever I please, Dorcas has Marlene, but you…” Saint made a tisking sound. “Oh, Sirius Black. You lonely creature of the sea.”

Sirius scoffed. “You’re always so romantic.”

“Come on,” Saint propped himself up on an elbow and pressed a warm palm to Sirius’ bare chest. “It’s nice. It’s nice because we know each other.”

“Why do you always do this to me in public places?”

Saint raised an eyebrow and looked around the empty sands.

Sirius knew Saint could feel his chest rising and falling beneath his hand, knew that if he dragged it down some he would feel Sirius stirring in his swim trunks. Saint was his best friend. It was easy with Saint. There was no risk of losing Saint. Except maybe to Saint Clair, but they never went to Salazar, and Salazar had yet to come to them.

“Come here,” Sirius sighed, as if he was entirely put upon, and Saint made a pleased noise and leaned down for a kiss. He tasted like the sea, salty and smooth. Sirius pressed a hand to his back, coated with sand.

“Sandy hand jobs,” Sirius grumbled into his mouth. “My favorite.”

“There’s no sand in my mouth,” Saint breathed out and threw a leg over Sirius’ hips, mouth moving down to suck at Sirius’ neck. Sirius let his eyes close, hand squeezing around one of Saint’s strong shoulders.

“That’s true,” he said.

The barely there light in the sky cast Saint’s skin in blue, his light curls taking on the color, too as he kissed down Sirius’ chest, whose breathing was coming faster. He bit playfully at Sirius’ hip when he reached the band of his swim shorts and Sirius laughed, hitting his head lightly.

“We gotta go soon.”

“So?” Saint looked up with one of his sharp smiles, his freckles sprinkling his brown skin and honey eyes.

Sirius did love Saint. They loved each other, in their own way. For a long time now, they had been all each other had. Some type of love had to grow out of that. It just had to.

He was warm and felt safe as Saint’s mouth slipped over him, nursing him slowly. Sirius threaded his fingers into Saint’s salt-tangled hair and let his head loll back in the sand.

Sirius didn’t relax often. Saint knew that because he was the same, even if he pretended he wasn’t. The closest Sirius got, besides this, was in the ocean. Something to focus on. Something to look for and be careful about. Something to love.

He breathed out slowly, trying to quiet his mind and pass all his attention to Saint. He was stiffening quickly to full hardness from the wet heat, and his hands in Saint’s hair moved with his movements, sounds soft.

Sirius let himself stare out at the ocean again. The Wolfsbane was filled with wind, the double pontoons tilted so that one was a little ways out of the water. He could only barely make out the sailor’s silhouette. He didn’t know which Lupin it was. They was skilled though, very skilled. Sirius would do anything to have a sailboat of his own that he could take out every single day. He envied the sailor.

It didn’t take him long to come, not with Saint knowing his body so well. Soon, he was open mouthed, back arching as Saint pulled his orgasm from him.

Saint smiled when he leaned back, sitting on his heels and tucking Sirius back inside his shorts. “Worship me yet?”

“Always,” Sirius panted. “What do you want?”

“Have you seen your mouth?”

Sirius hummed and surged up to kiss him before knocking him back into the sand. They wrestled, rolling and laughing together in the dune, before settling with Sirius on top, hands pinning Saint’s wrists.

“Go on,” Saint grinned, then parroted, “we gotta go soon.”

“So romantic.”

Sirius reached into Saint’s suit and took his cock, hot and throbbing into his hands, biting his lip at the way Saint’s mouth dropped open. Saint really was beautiful. Sirius thought there must be something wrong with him to not want him in the way that he should.

“Life’s not too bad,” Saint sighed after, as Sirius rolled to lay next to him again. “Island. Surfing. Sex. We’re basically The Beach Boys.”

Sirius laughed. “Basically.”

Saint made a disgruntled noise. “Is it weird that we aren’t in love?”

“Yeah,” Sirius replied. “It sort of is.”

“Do you wish we were?” Saint looked at his profile.

Sirius returned his gaze, their noses close. He nodded, sand shifting in his ear. “Sometimes.”

“Gosh, we suck.”

“We really do,” Sirius patted near where Saint’s swimsuit was still askew. “Literally.”

Saint let out a loud laugh, pulling his trunks up, and Sirius a long groan.

“Gotta go to work.”

“Poor baby,” Saint said.

“You also have to go to work.”

“Poor me.”

“You also owe me dinner. And your Dorcas’ look out. I won.”

Saint sat up. “Then I gotta go to work.”

Sirius smiled and looked back out over the waves. The white sails were pushing back West, towards Lupin House to dock. He’d have to wait until tomorrow to see them filled and tilting again.

~

Dorcas slung her backpack on while Saint all but forced the Jeep into park. She hopped out of the door-less side and turned to grin at him, elbows resting against the hot metal of the rusty blue sides.

“One hour,” Saint said, already kicking his seat backwards and pulling out his earbuds. “Then I have work. Don’t think I won’t leave you here.”

“You’re a saint, baby, really.”

Saint flicked his sunglasses down over his eyes. “Don’t I know it.”

Dorcas waved him off before jogging lowly around the back of the McKinnon’s gardens, skirting the gate until she found the bent out posts. She threw her backpack through first, before sliding through herself on her stomach. The manicured grass stained her tank top green in places, but Marlene wouldn’t care. Marlene was an angel. Dorcas was positive.

Marlene’s father, not so much.

Dorcas kept away from the vast windows until she could pull herself up one of the drain pipes that led straight to Marlene’s bedroom window. She crouched, sneakers wedged against roof tiles, and tapped on the glass.

At first, all Dorcas could see through the window was Marlene’s familiar bedroom, the sunlight partially reflecting herself back at her, her chin length dark hair, backwards hat and tank top. In the rest, Marlene’s bright walls, once white but now covered with posters and Marlene’s paintings. Concert posters, random letters from the Hollow’s old abandoned movie theater marque that Dorcas had brought her, and the oil paint in swirling shapes or stroked to form friends’ faces. Dorcas saw her own face many times, and the sight was warmer than the hot sun.

Then, Marlene was there, blonde hair falling over her shoulders. She pressed her forehead to the warm glass briefly before pushing the window, sticking with the heat, open.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Dorcas said.

“D,” Marlene sighed, and pulled her in.

Marlene was an angel. Dorcas was sure.

~

Saint felt uneasy in Godric. He probably always would. He kept his earbuds in, but tapped off beat and nervously, glancing back at the McKinnon house every once in a while. All these houses looked the same. The lawns were so green that they rivaled the sea, aqua and glimmering in the sunlight. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like the women, seemingly ever out for a morning speed-walk with each other, died blonde hair piled high on their heads, who stopped to ask, Do you do lawns? What about pools?

Saint merely slid his sunglasses off, smiled at them, and they were lost. Their eyes went bright, their mouths giggly. Boy from The Hollow, they would whisper to their friends later, so sad to waste such a face—

Saint had always been beautiful. He knew that. But it didn’t matter so much when you were from where he was. In Godric, beauty was key. Anywhere else, it was a waste.

And then they’d see his neck. The cross with the 7 singed there, hanging around his neck.

Oh, they’d gasp, oh, sweetheart, you’re one of those St. Clair Church orphans aren’t you?

A waste. A waste.

The nuns—waste of space, wasteofspacewasteof—

Saint hated the Godric men, with their linen pants and green juices. Walking their property lines and greeting each other each morning, like Roman elite on their salutatio.

Saint was here for Dorcas, who for some reason had decided to love one of those men and women’s daughters. He could never.

That was the surest way to be a waste. Why love them? Why love anyone who was raised like this? By these people?

There was an excitement that came with The Hollow for the Godrics. A strange fascination, animal and exotic. Marlene, to her credit, didn’t have it. She loved Dorcas, too. James Potter…Saint liked James well enough. But both he and Marlene could still go home every night. They didn’t live it. Not like Dorcas, not like Sirius, not like himself.

Yes, Saint would say. I do lawns. I clean pools.

Saint grinned sweetly. Sultry.

He’d also steal their favorite gold necklace.

~

“So, Remus, what do you plan to do with yourself this summer, sweetheart?”

Remus looked across the dining room table at his parents. His mother was looking at him expectantly, knife and fork poised, and his mind had still been with the wind and the sea.

“I know the history museum is always looking for volunteers, which looks wonderful on a college application,” his mother continued when Remus had paused for too long.

Remus nodded, hoping to keep his expression pleasant, and cut his pork chop. “Maybe. I was hoping to lean in a little bit of a different direction.”

“Oh?”

“Just sailing, I mean. Racing. There are prizes, some of them with money attached. Good for scholarships, or…”

Remus’ father chewed slowly. “Oh. Well, yes. But you have the mornings to do that. Something more productive with your day, maybe. What are the other boys on the team doing, for example. Maybe ask James or Luke or Thomas. Well, maybe not Luke, given everything that happened this year.”

Remus only nodded again, biting down everything else. But he wanted to race sailboats, run with them, he wouldn’t say. What could be more productive?

“Yeah,” he said instead. “I’ll look into some options around town.”

That, made his mother and father smile.

Julian sat to Remus’ left swinging his legs and looking between them all.

“Can I go out on Wolfsbane?” Julian asked hopefully. Julian, through Remus, had developed an incredible love for Remus’ sailboat and wanted nothing more than a ride.

“Absolutely not,” Remus’ mother said. “Not until you’ve finished your lessons at the Club.”

The Club. Dreaded words. Gryffindor Club, what Remus and Marlene secretly called The Yacht, was the most prestigious private club on the island. You needed a two-member invite. It was beautiful, but it was all walls. Closed off from the rest of the island. People came here, stayed at the club, and didn’t even see. The pools were not the ocean, and the cuisine was not Hogwarts cuisine. Remus wasn’t even sure his parents knew anymore, although he knew they had once. Early on. He didn’t know what had changed. You fall into a crowd, maybe.

He would get Julian out and about one day, when he was old enough. Remus himself spent his time on all parts of the island, in all neighborhoods—almost. He loved Helga more than anything, with its nicknacks and beautiful, dream-like creations.

Except The Hollow.

He’d never gone. Almost, once, on a dare from James when they were thirteen. There were nasty rumors. He’d only seen it from the sea, the deserted sands of Shack Beach and clusters of houses. And the rumors looked true enough. He knew James went sometimes, knew who he was friends with. The only reason he didn’t get shit for it at school was because everyone liked him too much. Remus thought they liked the fact that James could get away with it, too. James could get away with anything. He was a Potter.

Everything except me, Lily always said, and Remus smiled at the thought.

They’d all be out of here in a year anyway. At least for a while. College was like a promise-land. Remus was so sick of this island, but not the ocean. He’d miss the ocean.

The Lupins had been on Hogwarts for nearly one hundred years—a short time, compared to the Evans and McKinnon families. An even shorter time compared to the Potters and Deveaux. One hundred year old new money? Remus thought it was a ridiculous statement but, compared to the other Godric families, they were new. It was relative. Relative money. The Salazar families had been there even longer, Remus couldn’t quite remember their stories.

Remus couldn’t imagine how no one had wanted to go out and see the world. This island was his home. He loved its every shore and nook. But he…wanted. He wanted with the sea and the wind and his Wolfsbane with its twinning pontoons and white sails. It’s tiny below deck cabin that snugged in a bed for nights lulled by the waves. Nothing outside but water and the stars.

After dinner, Remus climbed up the tall, winding stairs to Bane Tower. It had been named by his great, great, great, grandfather, also named Lyall, like his father. A play on words. Lupin, wolf. Wolfsbane. Bane Tower. Sometimes Remus felt like he was just another word game. Remus and Julian. Raised by the wolves.

“It kept him sane, the stars,” Remus’ grandfather had always said. “Quite literally, I mean. Madness runs in our family, Remus. Who knows when it might pop up again. And they kept him almost sane, I should say.”

The stars kept Remus sane, too. They were a map on the ocean, and an escape on land. He didn’t have to think when he looked at them. Maybe that was what was dangerous about them. Hypnotic. Mirrored by the haphazard lights of The Hollow, right along Godric’s shore.

Remus’ grandfather had died of madness. That’s what they said. Remus had watched him go. He missed him.

It didn’t stop Bane Tower from being the perfect place to see the stars.

~

For Gods, the Potters were good people. Really, for anyone the Potters were good people. They were kind to Sirius, and payed him well. Mostly he looked after their boat, but he would also do chores around the house, run errands for this and that for Mrs. Potter.

It was how he had met James. Really met him. School didn’t count, Sirius had disappeared when he was eleven from his old life and that meant, what friends he might have had at Hogwarts Academy were no more. No one liked a run-away. No one really liked a Black.

The Potters weren’t prejudice. Did they have more money than Sirius could picture? Yes. But they were good. It was the only reason Sirius had even considered liking James again. And still, that didn’t mean he understood why James still hung out with him—them. James was the only one from Sirius’ old life who had decided to reconnect. It was strange. Sirius had nothing to offer him.

It had only gotten stranger when, about two years ago now, he’d brought Lily Evans, who had in turn brought Marlene McKinnon. The boys and the girls had been taught separately when Sirius had still be there, and so Lily and Marlene were vague memories for Sirius. Dorcas—homeschooled—and Marlene were gone for each other almost immediately, and Sirius had theories about Lily and James. None of them had ever brought anyone else, so, Sirius assumed, the rest of his old schoolmates had turned out to be the assholes he expected. Gods in their own territory, up on Olympus, reaping their spoils on the backs of others. Lacrosse playing, secret addicts to something, who drank too much, lived for the summer, and liked boobs more than themselves. Then again, James hung out with those people, too. It was hard to figure out.

But weren’t they all.

“Black!”

James, in all his leather boat shoes and pink swimsuit galore, was jogging up the dock to meet him. Sirius gave a nod, but kept sweeping last night’s rain from the decks, the morning sunshine hot on his neck.

“What’s up?” Sirius said.

“Throwing a party,” James said. “Thought maybe you and your crew would want to come.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “You’re inviting us to a party?” They were famous, Godric’s boisterous parties. Drugs, alcohol, swimming pools, and the ocean. The best mix.

James nodded. “That I am.”

Sirius laughed. “Pots, that place will be crawling with Gods.”

“I thought you liked that sort of thing.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “On our turf, where we aren’t so outnumbered that, when the police show up—because they always do—we’re the ones who get blamed just for existing. And for the Crucio that’ll be there—and don’t try to tell me someone won’t bring some.”

Crucio. Hogwart’s powdery nightmare.

“Fine,” James said. “We’ll make it one of yours, then. Your turf, you name the place.”

“Why?”

James grinned. “Maybe I like transcending boundaries.”

“Maybe Marlene wants to see Dorcas.”

“Maybe.”

Sirius straightened and leaned on his broom, looking at James squint at him in the bright sunlight reflecting off his glasses. He was wearing a navy Castle Lacrosse t-shirt that decidedly did not go with his shorts.

“Maybe,” Sirius said. “But it’s gotta be at Shack Beach.”

James whistled. “That’s pretty deep territory. You know Felix will make its rounds.”

Crucio was the island’s greatest gift, and its greatest curse. Some people called it Crucio, some called it Felix. The drug wasn’t very addictive chemically, but its effects were powerful. Sirius had heard that it allowed the user to hallucinate memories. Past, distant or near. It could keep people coming back for more, time and again, hoping to relive things—or desperate to see something different. Crucio wasn’t addicting, but memories definitely could be. Good thing Sirius didn’t value his past.

Sirius stuck to the name Crucio. It was torture to live like that, not luck.

Crucio meant a good and steady cash flow for the suppliers. Like Dorcas. Sirius and Saint basically lived off of her income—not that she could do much without answering for how she accumulated it. It was a strange gift, a tedious life, but Dorcas seemed to like it.

Sirius stared James down. “And if it does, no cops will show up to tell about it.”

“Deal,” James sighed. “You’re fucking hardcore, Black.”

“Sure,” Sirius said.

“Potter,” came a voice from the end of the dock.

They both looked and Sirius stiffened as soon as he did, feeling self-conscious clutching his broom. Remus Lupin and Luke Deveaux were standing there, aviators on and Castle Lacrosse tank tops. Luke’s flashy Jeep was waiting in the circle driveway of James’ house. It was Luke who had spoken. Remus stood a few steps back. With their sunglasses, Sirius couldn’t tell where they were looking.

“Let’s go,” Luke said simply.

Sirius turned away before they could, pushing rain water harshly into the sea.

“Yeah,” James said, voice softer this time. “Coming.”

Pity. Sirius could practically feel it.

“Ten tonight?” James said to Sirius. “Sound okay?”

“Okay,” Sirius said without turning around.

He felt the vibrations of James jogging back down the dock, but didn’t turn to watch the three Gods go.

[omegaplus]

# 3,976

Option 30: self-titled (1997)

Nine Inch Nails. It’s what made me the industrialist I am today. Every major release minus Hesitation Marks (2013) and Add Violence (2017). Most singles, remixes, and guest appearances. Key Wax Trax and Invisible appearances. Many front pages, five t-shirts, three videos, and one live experience. It’s the one artist I have the most of. All things Ministry, Atari Teenage Riot, and Skinny Puppy have come very close, but it’s Nine Inch Nails that changed the course of my life. It all started when my cousin Criss and I accidentally found the “Closer” music video (‘94) on MTV and we were mesmerized. Friends enticed me to change allegiances from golden-era hip-hop to alternative. Raygun Magazine introduced me to David Carson if not for Trent Reznor’s front-page appearance. I even had some great summer experiences and major fall-outs revolving around their live performances. I’m at the point where I thought I knew everything about Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor - or so I thought - until I found @sheisthesisterofnight​, a Roman (read: real-deal Italian) goth-girl follower who is capital-O obsessed with him. She name-dropped Option 30, one of Reznor’s many musical involvements before Nine Inch Nails, and she’s the very reason why this post happened.

Reach further back than 1989′s Pretty Hate Machine. We’re talking about Slam Bamboo, The Innocent, Lucky Pierre, and even Cool Down Daddy. Of all the already-mentioned projects, I fell into the Option 30 rabbit hole and haven’t escaped since. Reznor got his start in the Mercer / Warren-stationed band when industrial had yet taken off in the states and synth-pop / new wave was globally present. Reznor was a product of those latter genres noting The Cure, Bauhaus, Adam Ant, Gary Numan, and (later on) Depeche Mode as some of his influences, so Option 30 could be considered his first musical endeavor. Guitarist / vocalist Timothy K. Smith would form The Edge with bassist Jim Nordstrom, drummer Tom Stein, and guitarist Dan Webb before using another local band UXB as a bridge before Smith himself, Nordstrom, Reznor and drummer Todd Nero came together for Option 30. From that point on, there wouldn’t be anything else Reznor would to do in life aside from being a janitor at a recording studio.

It’s forgiven that not many Nine Inch Nails fans would possess anything Option 30 hands-on as they only achieved local fame and no physical material ever enjoyed a major print run. It was only in 1997 that Shriek Records released a compilation album combining their Eighties live performances, original songs, covers, and a radio interview. Back then Reznor didn’t go through any major-label drama or personal turmoil stemming from loss and drug addiction. His ferocity and violent ideas didn’t exist yet to conceive what would be Nine Inch Nails formative years. No. You get the opposite. He’s affable, funny, and dare I say it…easy-going? During the Edinboro radio interview, his shoulders are free from burden. He jokes with the band and has a great time. It’s a far pitch from the Reznor of burning rage, frustration, depression, reckless abandon and on-stage destruction that everyone still holds on to. What you’ll have here is late-night pop-rock and native new-wave nods in its kindest form. 

The only live performance to be found opens up with the eponymous Icehouse cover, one of three to be exact. The next track is the last thing you’d expect Reznor to ever do: with “Time And Chance” it would be the one and only time Reznor would ever partake in reggae. He’s always been synonymous with industrial, so imagine that huge disparity between 1994′s The Downward Spiral and a piece-of-cake Marley-esque tune.

Re-visiting the alignment with new wave and synth-pop, Option 30 commit two more covers in Falco’s “Der Komissar” and Thompson Twins’ “Lies”. It seems that Reznor’s vocals misses the bullseye lacking that same punch found on the originals. It feels like the band isn’t performing at a small venue but instead ‘unwinding’ at a bar’s karaoke night during happy hour on Friday, but it’ll still win because Trent. Not to say that there aren’t any more originals. On the contrary, there’s plenty. Nothing else says pop than “Abomination” where basslines take precedent, the dash-beat “Just Out Enough To Be In” that’s heavy on guitar grooves, and the socially conscious “Equal Rights”. (Reznor would later take on politics on “Head Like A Hole”, 2007′s Year Zero and sporadically throughout the e.p. trilogy). 

One song specifically, “Old Habits Die Hard”, no doubt reminiscent of The Police’s “Message In A Bottle” (’79), is my favorite on the record hands-down. Maybe because it carries that late-Eighties Night Flight feel to it and that’s an experience I do the personal math for myself, so chances are no one would understand. Then again, one of Nine Inch Nails first-ever live performances was on Dance Party USA which also aired on the same network with Night Flight. The planets have lined up again, have they?

As a final, “Pandora’s Box” ends Option 30’s earliest retrospective on a good note with Timothy Smith on the mic-. Reznor simply opted out of vocal duties for the final track. He’d leave Option 30 in 1984 over lack of involvement to pursue other musical avenues (most likely with The Innocent), and the group still had a life of its’ own until the end of the decade releasing two more compilations of live performances, covers, and originals. Smith would change trajectory switching up rock for fusion, jazz and funk; creating projects large and small and oftentimes with his own family. By then, Reznor had already started Nine Inch Nails releasing Pretty Hate Machine, “Down In It”, and “Head Like A Hole” (all 1989) featuring Richard Patrick who’d later begin Filter. He’d find himself in the middle of the greatest industrial convergence having been associated with the Wax Trax label, Ministry, and even Pigface while being embroiled with the TVT label over creative control. All that before creating a legacy with The Downward Spiral, Marilyn Manson, motion picture soundtracks with Atticus Ross, Coil and David Bowie worship, How To Destroy Angels, Apple, induction to The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, and endless nominations, awards, and achievements. Sadly, Smith passed away on Halloween 2009, leaving a legacy that’s been posted on Bandcamp all at no cost and still lives on through his brothers and children.

We’re now up to the e.p. trilogy (2016-2018) and Ghosts V & VI (2020). Trent Reznor still has plenty more to give and it’s only going forward from here, yet I keep coming back to Option 30 where it all started for him. Maybe it’s the feel of the Eighties pop-rock sound that I’ve lived through, having that soul of what I experienced during my childhood, or getting a kick at how approachable Reznor was. This album has gotten at least 20 full spins / plays from me and it never gets tiring. I can thank my Roman goth follower for this one, and only she’ll tell me what else she knows that I don’t. 

[hageny]

Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman

AN: Points two and three in this post were requested by @thinkingfixatingobsessing​, who wanted me to dissect those moments. Thanks goes to her for the ideas. 

1. Brother Against Brother.

Roman’s introduction in Succession sees him coming back from California to congratulate Kendall on what his siblings--at this point--believe is his new position as next CEO of Waystar. We find out in this scene that Roman was once working alongside Kendall--in a position Roman only refers to as “not as high” as Kendall’s--before he was shipped off to CA for being, in his own words, “a bad fit”. The further we get into the series however, the more hindsight helps in analyzing this first scene, and we realize two important things. Firstly, when Roman claims he was not right for the company, we can almost hear Logan’s voice in the shadow of Roman’s words, saying that he was a bad fit: too incompetent, too unreliable, not enough of a shark. The more we see of their dynamic, the more we realize Logan is the one who doesn’t believe in Roman and Roman more or less parrots to others what he has been told his whole life. We can also safely assume that Roman would have remained this way--directionless, unmotivated--had he not been taken by Gerri under her wing. I’ve mentioned in other posts how her belief in him is vital to his change in direction, so I needn’t go into great detail here, but Roman--depicted as un-invested in Waystar from the get-go--is invested enough to push Gerri as CEO only one episode later, which is interesting to say the least. Secondly, we see in this scene a foundation for what will later become Roman’s motivation to betray his own family and oust them and secure power for himself. We know from later episodes that Kendall is repeatedly given passes for bad behavior and privileges his siblings don’t get, Roman in particular. This however, is a pattern that precedes the show, as we see Kendall only three years after his cocaine spiral set to take over the company in spite of a history of poor decisions while Roman is depicted as simply ‘too stupid’ to run Waystar when he doesn’t engage in the same risk-taking that his peers do, drugs included. The bitterness Roman needs to accomplish his goals has a core located in his upbringing, and grows larger as he gets batted around in lower-level jobs in the company while watching his brother sail past him to take the reigns. 

2. Blank slate.

In Prague, we see Roman and Tom at Tom’s bachelor party scoping out the women and seeing if there are any that catch their eyes--particularly Tom, who is interested in exploring the opening given him by Shiv to ‘engage himself’ with other women for the evening. This marks Tabitha’s first appearance in the show, as she catches Tom’s eye, who quickly points her out to Roman, waffling whether or not to approach her. Roman attempts to make a sexual/salacious remark to describe what he might do to her, but is unable to properly express anything, saying, “Fuck yeah, I’d be all over that. I’d like...I’d fucking...arggh, fuck!”. We see here a moment that ties into Roman’s sexual hang-ups, first touched on by his first girlfriend earlier in the season, and explored in greater detail in his relationship with Tabitha. What’s key in his inability to express himself here is that Tabitha, from the beginning, before the start of her relationship with Roman, is unable to strike enough of a nerve with him for him to even be able to express how he might engage with her sexually, which is interesting given his ability to make sexually charged remarks in other settings. It also stands in stark contrast to his ability to come on to Gerri during their first moments on camera. Where he fails to find words to even say what he might do to Tabitha, even something as simple as “I’d fuck her hard”, he tells Gerri expressly that he likes to “lube up and fuck”, and while he does not necessarily mean it literally, he can still look her in the eye and flirt with her without hesitation, and proceeds to do so throughout that scene. He is later able to have phone sex with her--another scene where the show purposefully parallels his relationship with Tabitha, who he hangs up on--and tells her at that moment he wants for her to hear him masturbate to the sound of her voice--again expressly telling her sexually what he wants to do and then following through. In Hunting, he waits for her to come close to him and begin buttoning his shirt before telling her, “You know, if I were capable of any sudden movement I would totally pounce on you right now.” All of these moments spiral out of this first moment with Tabitha, where the show begins, even then, to showcase Romans’ inability to sexually engage with her while being able to do so with Gerri from the beginning. The reasons Roman is wired this way can be tied to his trauma as a child--his need for humiliation to get off with Gerri--but it can also be seen as possibly hinting that Roman and Gerri’s relationship goes back farther than we know, spelled out in his ability to flirt easily with her and engage with her in ways he cannot with younger women, and in Gerri’s ability to understand him deeply enough that she is able to please him without even sleeping with him.

3. Roman’s Wife. 

The scene where Roman proposes to Gerri can probably be dissected a million ways--as can really any of the show, to be fair--but I will touch on one interesting facet of this scene. There is--as there are many times over the show--a parallelism at play here between Tabitha and Gerri. In Pre-Nuptial, Roman proposes to Tabitha by asking her, “What if I was prepared to marry you?”. When Tabitha balks at the suggestion, he elaborates that because his siblings are married, or have been, that he should be too, insinuating the decision is made more-so to follow suit. It’s not that he doesn’t like Tabitha--he precedes his proposal with a list of her best qualities, after all. It’s more-so that this scene makes it obvious that his desire to marry her doesn’t come from a desire for her as a person, merely his desire to be on-par with his siblings with regard to lifestyle choices. That proposal culminates with Tabitha asking Roman, “Do you think this is the way to get someone to stay?” to which Roman doesn’t respond, but the audience already knows the answer. Roman’s desire not to be alone precedes his actual interest in her, and Tabitha is smart enough to suss out that she is not the one for him, merely the one he is with right now. When Roman proposes to Gerri, he takes a much different approach. Roman’s proposal is something of a surprise, but yet it also is another step in a relationship wherein the players are already entrenched in a sexual affair with one another. Roman throws out the question as casually as he can and then when Gerri reacts with surprise, Roman quickly subverts the seriousness of the moment by jokingly telling her that if not marriage than simply abducting her will suffice. He also adds on that their eating one another--again, not literally, although he makes reference to Germany’s famous Armin Meiwes--suits his fancy, implying that being ‘one’ with her even in oneness’ most brutal, animalistic way is enough for him. Where he loses his patience with Tabitha when she rejects him, finally snapping, “Do you want to get married or not?”, when Gerri reacts with shock he merely plays it cool and offers her alternatives, finally slipping out of the room and leaving the ball in her court. Roman would most certainly like Gerri to stay, but he doesn’t use marrying her as a ploy to get her to do so merely so he isn’t alone--a narcissistic reason for marrying someone that satisfies only his own ends. He is comfortable enough in his relationship with Gerri to allow her to roam independently and decide for herself what she wants. He doesn’t force any aspect of their togetherness, merely presents her with different opportunities to see how she will react and if she can keep up with him. Gerri proves time and again that she is capable and Roman ups the ante in response to her prowess. His desire to marry her is based in what we know from the “Rockstar and the Molewoman” scene as his ability to see them as a team. To him, Gerri is an equal, not a belonging or a means to evade unpleasant emotions. She fulfills him in a way Tabitha and others cannot, and so when he asks her to marry him, he is also showcasing to the audience his view of her as an equal, and a prime candidate for the role of wife. 

[lawful-evil-novelist]

So I'm going to real quick go over the events of Roman Sionis' emotional and mental spiral that created the Black Mask.  Between his 21st birthday and his 23rd, Roman went from an angry, jaded young man trying to escape his father's criminal empire to the crime lord in charge of it.  Understandably, a lot of things happened.  I'm not writing this to excuse Roman at all.  This is more of a creative writing exercise for me.  Roman Sionis is a crime lord and this span of two years is less of a one-bad-day and more of a straw breaking a camel's back.  Content warnings for physical and emotional abuse, drug use, and human trafficking.

This starts with a short preamble that Roman spent his 20th and 21st birthday in Thailand.  He'd already planned to stay for a few years after bringing his mother's ashes to their final resting place.  While there cut off as much contact with his father, Richard, as he could and fully intended to drop off the grid and make a new identity.

Richard, however, had dealers in Thailand's capital, Bangkok, and paid most of them off to look for him once he was tipped off that Roman might be there. Their orders were explicit: find Roman and bring him back to Gotham by any means necessary.  Roman, having been under the radar for a year at that point, did not know he was being tracked when one of the dealers followed him into a bar, drugged his drink, and carried him out against his will.

Richard knew his son was trying to escape and decided an appropriate punishment was to have him beaten and smuggled back to Gotham with one of his legal shipments.  His only orders to the men in charge of the cargo was to drug Roman if he fought back, leading to Roman being almost permanently sedated the whole trip, as well as gagged, since he bit one of his captors while struggling and the guy ended up needing stitches.

When he got back to Gotham, Roman was beaten and confined to his room.  Richard demanded Roman apologize and beg for his forgiveness.  He basically wanted his fully-grown son to grovel at his feet and Roman's outright refusal enraged him.  He tried everything from starving Roman to messing with his pacemaker, but couldn't get his son to budge for weeks.

Until Roman did, no prior hint of faltering, no indication of why he changed his tune, just sudden, unexplained subservience.

Richard didn't totally buy this change of tune and didn't let Roman anywhere near the criminal underbelly of his profession until his loyalty could be proven.  Problem was, he still needed a successor.

Or, he did until a dealer started making trouble in his territory, some nothing kid wearing a black lacquer mask: Richard's men just called him the Black Mask.  Richard had his men offer the Mask an ultimatum: work for the syndicate or die.  The Mask picked work, proving himself pragmatic.  Richard took a shine to this Mask kid pretty quickly.  He was everything Richard had been looking for in a successor: intelligent, personable, efficient...ruthless.  Everything seemed almost too perfect, and Richard started making arrangements to get rid of Roman, ship him off to one of his international rings where some use would be made of him.

Richard named the Black Mask his successor during a meeting with all the prominent members of the syndicate in Gotham, among them his three brothers, two sisters, and parents.  He also planned to announce what would be done with Roman, until the Black Mask interrupted.

The Black Mask brought in a few extra guests, the adult nieces and nephews of Richard.  Before anyone could act they were held at gunpoint and forced to sit.  The Black Mask had the non-family leaders leave, and if they didn't, they were shot on the spot.  With only family in the room, the Black Mask removed his mask, revealing to Richard that the Mask was Roman.

See, this whole time Roman was playing the remorseful son, he was planning his coup of his father's empire.  Richard wasn't planning on letting Roman leave the syndicate unless it was as a corpse, so he'd play his father's game.  He used the Black Mask persona to rise through the ranks publicly, and won over his cousins in private.

Roman murdered the family heads of the syndicate, saving his father for last.  Since the Black Mask wasn't yet a known identity outside the syndicate and only Roman's cousins knew who was under the mask, they framed the non-family leaders and Roman took over the syndicate.  Most of his cousins eventually asked to walk away, and Roman allowed them to, with a hefty bribe not to spill his secret.  They're still in contact with Roman, even if they're not involved with the empire.

Roman still uses the Black Mask to run the criminal side of his business, since it keeps the two businesses more separate and therefore his drug and weapons trafficking is harder to trace.

[sandraoledan]

An Opinion Piece on Vis A Vis: A Bittersweet Goodbye

The start of a new decade marked the end of our beloved series, Vis A Vis. I can feel the 'post-series depression' already; in other words, that empty feeling at the pit of your stomach once a show has ended. In fact, I feel as if it has tripled for this series specifically, because of the three different time periods explored in the five seasons and the consequently different reactions I had to each period. Let me expound.

Seasons 1-2: What won me over initially

What really won my heart over with this show was Macarena's evolution during her time in prison. Initially, she was innocent, naïve, and defenseless, often finding herself at the mercy of Cruz del Sur's many villains; such as drug-trafficking Anabel, closeted pedophile Sandoval, and of course, the ever-scheming Zulema. A common theme was her constant need to be saved or protected; this was evident in almost all of her relationships - with her parents, her brother, and love interests Rizos & Fabio. We later find out that one of the reasons why she decided to be with Rizos was because she felt alone and afraid. Her feeble attempts at survival were frustrating; you wanted her to be stronger; you wanted her to push back against her bullies and win. You wanted to see a protagonist with confidence.

Because it took her the entirety of the first season to do this, her eventual dominion of Cruz del Sur in Season 2 was intensely satisfying. She became a better survivor: through boxing, she found a cathartic outlet and used her newfound physical prowess to overcome Annabel's thugs when they came to permanently deafen her with a wire in the bathroom. She became secure - or at least, so we thought - in her evolving identity, embracing her bisexuality as she fell more in love with Rizos. She bought Bambi from Anabel to put an end to the latter's remorseless abuse, and offered love and affection to Rizos upon discovering her rape by Valbuena; for the first time, we see Macarena as the protector instead of the protected. But this show wouldn't be emotionally complex if her character's development was so perfectly absolute: she was still reliant on Fabio, confusing her desperation to escape prison with feelings for him. Her shock at his deception, however in good faith, coupled with the news of her mother's death, witnessing the cold-blooded murder of her father, and becoming a murderer herself, triggered a spiral into darkness. It was a beautifully tragic display of the destruction of her initially strong moral compass. She turned to drugs, ended her relationship with Rizos in the most heartbreaking way, and isolated herself from the other inmates. This change in Maca was something I was excited to see play out in seasons 3 and 4; I wanted to see her redemption arc. However, due to conflicts in schedule, the actress that players her, Maggie Civantos, was only able to play Maca for a mere five episodes across the two new seasons. While the actress cannot be blamed for this, her departure led to a string of creative decisions that, in my opinion, slightly compromised the quality of Seasons 3-4.

Season 3: A decline in quality...

The first criticism stems from the time jump from Cruz del Sur to Cruz del North; there were many cliffhangers left unaddressed. Specifically, they were reactions we didn't get to see, such as Sole finding out her husband, Fernando, was murdered; the inmates finding out that Saray got pregnant, and of course, more importantly, the change in Maca after she decides (at the end of Season 2) to go back to prison instead of running away as a fugitive. The absence of these scenes automatically undermined our emotional investment in the show and created a misalignment between the reaction of the viewers and the non-reaction of the characters actually living out the story. Additionally, many key characters were so dependent on the development of Maca's story, that Civantos' departure from the show necessitated an abrupt end to their storylines (i.e. her brother Roman & prison guard and love interest Fabio), which felt contrived. Even more forced was the relationship between Rizos & Inspector Nerea: similar to Roman & Fabio, Rizos' character was so dependent on Maca that it seems like the writers felt pressured to "recreate" their romance with someone new. Not only did this spectacularly fail, as her short-lived relationship with Nerea felt rushed, disingenuous and random, but it also cheapened Rizos in the sense that she became one-dimensional, only capable of pursuing relationships recklessly and nothing more. This was confirmed implicitly by the writers, as throughout the two seasons, they struggled to give Rizos anything meaningful to do and gave her the most dissatisfactory ending of all the inmates in the finale. I found this extremely disappointing because I enjoyed her character's story arc in the first two seasons. In the same vein, enter Mercedes, who replaced Maca as one of the protagonists in Season 3. Her story and eventual demise was fruitless: she was not charismatic and did not form relationships with any of the inmates, the latter point I think being a crucial mistake on the part of the writers. So while they believed they upped the ante by giving her a brutal death, honestly, I don't think anyone cared much. We simply wanted Maca back.

Season 4: ...Redeemed by our favourite villains

While Season 3 was a far cry from the quality of the first two seasons, arguably Season 4 managed to redeem them. First and foremost, was the character development of our favourite villains, Saray and Zulema. While Zulema was the perfect villain in the first two seasons, I worried that her relentless need to escape prison made her predictable. By introducing her secret daughter, Fatima, and her estranged mother, this changed Zulema's dynamic entirely: whereas we once saw a cold and calculating criminal who would do anything and kill anyone to break free, we now saw a woman jaded by the injustices and traumas of her past. We could relate to her that much more. Watching Zulema fall to her knees, begging Sandoval to stop the rape of her daughter, was one of the most powerful scenes of the entire series, because a compromising Zulema seemed so unfathomable before. The chilling murder of Fatima was matched by an inflamed Zulema, and her passion as a mother finally eclipsing her need to escape was a well-developed, well-executed arc. We have a similar situation with Saray; with the birth of her daughter, instead of her sporadic episodes of violence, she channeled her passions into her newborn. The scene where she had to say goodbye to Estrella, as well as that scene where she showed her to Zulema as a way to make amends, were so tender, and beautifully contrasted with her previous tendencies to rage at the smallest things. This was of course helped by the gentle refrain of the soundtrack playing whenever Saray and Estrella were on screen together (as a side note, the scoring of this series was consistently excellent;  the melancholic melodies foreshadowed the inevitable tragedies of the characters onscreen. Other standout examples include the melodies played during Maca and Rizos' intimate scenes, and Fatima's theme.) Additionally, the fact that it was Saray who had the courage and heart to mercy kill Sole, just emphasized the growth of her empathy and the change in her character.

One cannot mention Season 4 without bringing up the tear-jerking reunion between Rizos and Maca. Watching them stare at each other in disbelief after not seeing each other for eight months was an incredibly emotional scene. Even Civantos admitted during an interview that that scene was "the most beautiful scene in her entire career". Seeing their chemistry made me lament even more the absence of Civantos throughout the two seasons, as I would have loved to see that familiar push and pull in their relationship playing out under the different circumstances of Season 4, and particularly, a more hardened and jaded Maca. Nevertheless, this reunion scene was arguably the best that the writers could've given us as closure between the two, so I applaud them for this.

Ultimately, there were a number of dissatisfactory decisions made in Seasons 3-4, but they were still very entertaining seasons. It is important to note that the episodes were more or less twenty minutes shorter than the episodes from the first two seasons, so I can understand the limitations that placed creatively on the writers and directors on top of having to work around Civantos' departure.

Vis A Vis: El Oasis - A grave injustice

So what made Vis A Vis successful? The evolutions and relationships of the characters, both protagonist and secondary. How every character existed purposefully, with a backstory we could empathize with. The constant battle between morality and survival. El Oasis, unfortunately, failed to capitalize on its predecessor's strengths, bringing nothing new to the lives of our favourite characters. The storytelling was convoluted and often times confusing; at best, the episodes evoked feelings of dissatisfaction within the viewers. Ultimately, most fans will dismiss this spin-off as a consequence of being exposed to the deserts of El Oasis for too long: a mere hallucination.

My first criticism concerns how little actually happened over the course of the eight episodes. My reaction after every episode was the same: I'd process the story unfolding, then get shocked when the (approximately) 45 minutes would already be over. So much time would pass, and yet there was so little exposition. Each episode would leave the previous episode's questions mostly unanswered, and gave rise to even more questions. I realized quickly this was due to the unnecessary increase in supporting characters, with close to no development of backstory. For instance: how did Zulema know Ama? Ama's confrontation with Maca was so brief, and she ended up killing herself. As one of the villains, it made the build-up of her character pointless. What was the point of Flaca? She spent most of her screen time bleeding out only to be killed. You could argue it was to show that high-stakes heists inevitably have risks and collateral damage. Well, sure, but I don't think people cared much for her character because they gave us nothing to care about. Who was she to Maca but someone who occasionally chimed in on Maca's contributions to their therapy sessions? What was the point of the school bus full of kids visiting El Oasis if they were all just going to be let go so easily by Ramala's henchmen? You could argue it was to reveal Goya's past with bullying, when she intervened and beat up Eric's bullies; or it could be because Vivi needed to meet someone that felt isolated like her, to give her character more dimension. Either way, both reasons feel contrived. If something cannot be justified naturally, then it feels forced. Cepo, Goya and Triana were all interesting supporting characters, so it felt like such a waste that their characters weren't given anything interesting to do.

What also elicited questions was the very disjointed narrative: there was a constant jumping of timelines mixed in with flashbacks, so nobody ever really knew when anything was happening. Doing that without properly developing the events actually occuring at that present time had the dual effect of leaving the audience confused and made us feel emotionally detached from the plot and the characters. Most significantly: how did Maca and Zulema go from taking cute polaroids together and Zulema calling Maca her home, to them wanting to turn on each other? Instead of expounding on important plot points like these, the audience was given fillers with non-essential characters. What is the point of making a spin-off dedicated to the relationship between Zulema and Maca if their story was going to remain underdeveloped? Additionally, a fan online calculated that they only got 30 minutes out of over 360 potential minutes screen time together; that is only 8%. It is no surprise the fans were extremely disappointed.

Moreover, underdevelopment came in the form of stasis, or a state of inactivity. A majority of the season saw the protagonists waiting around the hotel, which was honestly boring. For instance, we saw a number of episodes where Goya and Triana were essentially just watchdogs over Kati, and nothing more. This was worsened by the use of dialogue. In earlier seasons of Vis A Vis, dialogue was one of the main drivers of the plot; in El Oasis, not unlike the supporting character fillers, not much what said, and when things were said, they didn't add much to the story (save for a few exceptions). It made the actors' acting seem flat, which is unfair to the actors as we saw their moments of brilliance in the earlier seasons. Additionally, a stylistic choice that pervaded El Oasis was the drawn out moments of every scene; for instance, when Zulema looked over Ama's dead body in the desert - that was given a whole five minutes of screentime. All these points hammer home the idea that while things were happening, they were 1) things that did not do much to drive a compelling plot and 2) were things the audience did not care about. It is clear the writers were trying to be different from the original series, and also tried to do too much. As the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Arguably, they failed on both accounts.

Finally, the finale itself warrants its own paragraph of criticism. The most glaring flaw was the way Zulema's death was executed. In the promotional videos leading up to this finale, we hear Zulema say to Maca: "igual en la vida, igual en la muerte" i.e. equal in life, and equal in death. This was an idea initially introduced by Altagracia in Season 3. Thus, Zulema dying while Maca got to live was not consistent with what they were teasing in their marketing materials. Still, one could argue that Zulema had to die because she had terminal cancer anyway, and this would be her epic redemption arc. To which I would I concede that yes, this finale could have been satisfactory and logical even with Zulema's death. However, the manner of her death was inconsistent with her character. Throughout the series, we are made to associate Zulema with a scorpion; as a "bad bug that never dies." Zulema had an intrinsic need to survive, no matter the cost. So even if she ended up dying, there was no way that Zulema wouldn't have plotted to at least attempt to survive, whether that be a scheme involving a fake death or even in her actual death scene itself where we saw her putting her guns down in submission to Ramala's henchmen. In the same vein, it did not make sense that, upon realizing Zulema was sacrificing herself for Maca and her unborn baby, that Maca replied with a simple "Gracias" and ran away. There should have been one of two options: a scuffle with Zulema, wherein she refuses to leave her there alone to die. Or two, a scene where she is speaking to her son about Zulema's legacy. The absence of these key scenes disrespects and almost overtly disregards the very complicated and rich relationship the two had together, as if all they had been through meant nothing.

Overall, the spin-off unfortunately did not do justice to the story, the characters (both lead and supporting), the actors and the fans, the latter insisting on alternate endings to get closure on a story we have been following for five years. It is true that when many shows end, it is not possible to please everyone. However, I believe that the majority of the negative reviews of this spin-off could have been avoided.

In conclusion...

Ultimately, the hollowness in my chest is bittersweet: on one hand, it is telling of how emotionally invested I became in the show and its moments of brilliance, and on the other, it speaks to the disappointment I felt with the spin-off, because I had such high expectations. Regardless of the ending, however, this show will stay with me forever. I have loved experiencing romances, struggles and adversities with these characters. I have enjoyed watching the evolution of our protagonists, whether it be through redemption or a gradual descent into darkness. This is a show I will recommend to anyone, over and over. #MareaAmarilla

[romansleftshoulderpad]

Almost Had You (But I Guess That Doesn’t Cut It)

Tags: @fandermom @my-analogical-romance @patchworkofstars @poisonedapples @hogwarts-my-love @opaque-puppet 

Words: 1,706

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of doing drugs, the word “slut” used in lyrics, weed, Deceit and Remus mentioned but not by name

Ship: Prinxiety

Quick note: the formatting might be a little off on mobile, but it works fine on AO3!

---

I almost got drunk at school at 14 Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen.

It had been 12 years since Roman and Virgil met. It had been 10 since they became friends. It had been 8 since they started dancing around each other like pining, gay ballerinas.

Who almost went off to be Ms. Texas, But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes.

Roman could remember the exact moment he started to fall in love. It was the end of their senior year. They had been messing around in Virgil’s “studio”, an extra walk-in closet in his dad’s apartment. Virgil was painting a stormy sky while Roman played around with an old guitar that hadn’t been touched in years (save for specks of paint and purple storm clouds painted on the wood). Roman had been messing around with different chords but he found himself enchanted by Virgil. His bangs were tied back into a bun and his arms were covered in white, lilac, and navy blue. His tongue stuck out between his lips in concentration as he tried to paint the moon just right.

That’s when it hit Roman. He could easily see them doing just the same in 20, 30, or 40 years. Maybe in a different town, maybe with different hairstyles or clothes, but still them. Still happy. Still soft and domestic.

Married. He could see them together and in love. It was terrifying, but as he closed his eyes, he played a love song.

I almost dropped out to move to LA Where I was Almost famous for Almost a day.

It was college that separated them. Roman was going to a fancy music school and Virgil wasn’t going anywhere. It was one of the worst fights they’d ever had.

“Come on, Virge! It’ll be perfect!” Roman pleaded.

“Perfect for you, maybe,” Logan muttered.

“Oh shut up, nerdy wolverine,” Roman snapped.

“Even combined, how are we supposed to afford an apartment in L.A?” Virgil asked, not looking up from his sketchbook.

“We’ll figure it out!”

“You mean I’ll figure it out while you get a degree.”

“Just forget about rent,” Roman said. “We’d have so much fun! We can watch Tim Burton movies every week and cook together and go on adventures!”

“Roman, if I may add some input-“

“Logan,” Virgil said quietly, “can you give us a moment alone, please?”

“Don’t sign any contracts without a lawyer present,” Logan said, and with that, he left.

“Roman, I can’t just pack up and leave because you need a roommate,” Virgil said. “I’m not even sure why you’re asking me anyway. Obviously, there are better options.”

“Better options?”

“Yes! Like Logan-“ Roman scoffed. “Or Remy! Or even your brother!”

“I’ve lived with my brother for far too long, thank you very much,” Roman said. “But why do you think there’s better options? Why is it so hard to imagine me wanting to be closer to you?” Virgil chewed on his lip, visibly becoming more anxious. “Virgil, you’re my friend. I care about you.”

“You shouldn’t!” Virgil yelled but it echoed like a scream. Tears pricked at his eyes and as Roman took a step forward he took a step back. “I gotta go.” He grabbed his backpack and ran out of the door before Roman could go after him.

I almost held up a grocery store Where I almost did five years and then seven more

Virgil was 22 and living with a friend of the brother of a friend. It sucked. He spent most of his nights' painting and wondering how much better his life would be if he had said “yes” to Roman’s offer. He picked up a drawn on canvas he had titled “Two Lovers” And began to paint as his thoughts spiraled.

Instead of loud music and loud... other sounds coming from his roommate’s bedroom, he’d at least only have to deal with Disney songs and rapping along to Hamilton. And yes, Virgil would have to admit, watching The Nightmare Before Christmas would be a lot more enjoyable than airing out the living room to get rid of the smell of weed.

He looked at the painting. The two lovers were still just a sketch. He took a pencil and adjusted one of the lovers to be male instead of female. “Could be gayer,” he mumbled to himself as he did so.

What would watching movies with Roman be like anyway? Virgil grabbed a clean brush and started painting in the couch the lovers sat on. He’d be annoying and talk through the whole film, of course. Probably eats popcorn way too loudly. Of course, he would have been the one insistent on making popcorn. Probably homemade because he would insist that it’s superior to the bagged stuff.

He’d probably fall asleep during the movie. It’d be far too much of ask of the arrogant asshole to actually appreciate art. He’d lean onto Virgil as he’d begin to doze off. He’d pretend to yawn and put his arm sound Virgil’s shoulders, holding him tight. Virgil chewed his lip as he painted. He worked on the lovers’ clothes and skin. Roman was always a deep sleeper; he’d be impossible to wake up. This would, of course, keep Virgil trapped on the couch. Virgil hated being trapped.

But would being stuck with Roman even be a bad thing? Virgil had slept on plenty of couches before, surely it wouldn’t be worse to share that space with someone warm holding you tight. Roman’s heartbeat would be calming and lull Virgil to sleep.

Cause I almost got popped for a fight with a thug Cause he almost ran off with a bunch of the drugs That I almost got hooked on cause you ran away.

Virgil looked at the two lovers holding each other tight and dressed in red and purple.

And I wish I would have had the nerve to ask you to stay.

Roman dropped out of that college after two years. It was a tough choice, but it was for the best. He’d looked at a picture from his high school graduation. He wasn’t the same anymore, but that wasn’t a bad thing. He just had new interests and passions.

And at 26 he was going back to a new college to pursue a writing degree. But he kept drifting back to that graduation photo. He hadn’t seen Virgil in 5 years, but he still had a soft spot for him. He still had so many things left to say.

Here I go thinking ‘bout all the things I could’ve done.

He pulled out his laptop.

I’m gonna need a forklift cause all the baggage weighs a ton.

Virgil pulled the rest of his boxes out of the moving truck. He finally got away from roommates and memories of the past. He was free.

He opened a box labeled “Paintings” and saw it staring back at him. The two lovers.

I know we had our problems. I can’t remember one.

Roman kept typing. It was a stupid email to write to someone he hadn’t seen in years but getting all of these feelings out was pure ecstasy.

I almost forgot to say something else And if I can’t fit it in I’ll keep it all to myself.

Virgil put the painting in a frame and hung it up in his unfurnished living room.

I almost wrote a song about you today. But I tore it all up and then I threw it away.

Roman deleted the email.

And I Almost had you, But I guess that doesn’t cut it.

Both of them sat, miles apart, staring at their screens and silently begging for contact. For nostalgia. For a second chance.

Virgil hated risk. He hated change. Yet, as he looked around at the unpacked boxes, he knew a tiny bit of change between him and Roman wouldn’t make that much of a difference. He picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts.

Almost had you.

Ringing. And ringing. And ringing.

“Hello? Who is this?”

Virgil’s heart raced. He hated phone calls and Roman probably didn’t want to talk to him anyway and- oh this was such a bad idea. “R- Roman?” he asked, his mouth dry. “It’s Virgil. You still live in L.A right?”

“Virgil,” Roman repeated. His heart was beating just as fast. “It’s been a while. And yeah- yeah I still live here.” He took a deep breath. “How are you?”

“I, uh, just moved to California. Exciting, right? Uh, and I- I was wondering...” He took a deep breath and tried to steady his shaking hands. He exhaled slowly. “Do you want to grab coffee?”

And I didn’t even know it.

“Coffee,” Roman said with a smile. “Coffee would be great. You can tell me where you’re near and I can meet you somewhere. You must be tired.”

“You have no idea,” Virgil said with a laugh. He glanced to the painting and let his anxieties melt away. He smiled. “I’ve missed you.”

“I- I’ve missed you too,” Roman said, barely above a whisper. He wondered if Virgil could hear his smile.

“Meet me at 4?”

“4,” Roman said. “See you there.”

You kept me guessin’ And now I’m destined To spend my time missing you.

He looked the same way he did six years ago. He had his hair pulled back into a bun with colors on his arms, only now they were stray tattoos and not paint splatters. He looked more tired and spaced out. Surely from the stress of moving, but Roman was one hundred percent ready to take this man home and properly lull him to sleep.

Roman was different though. Dressed to impress as if meeting a stranger and not an ex-best friend. It was appropriate, almost. They had become strangers. Almost. Strangers didn’t spend years thinking of one another.

“Virgil,” Roman said with a smile and open arms.

“Princey,” Virgil said with a smile, falling into his open arms and holding him tight. Past fights and years of regrets faded away. They were together now, and Virgil knew he’d have his chance.

I almost wish you would have loved me

Wish you would have loved me too.

[chicagocityfclanspromoblog]

Robert J. Fischer → Charlie Webber, Justin Theroux, Alexander Skarsgård, Aly Michalka → Human Shifter

→ Basic Information

Age: 297

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Birthday: May 29

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

Religion: Christian

→ His Personality

Robert is thoroughly a product of his upbringing. A smooth con artist mother plus her clingy husband, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Seeing his mother die at the hands of his father, and then his father’s subsequent death has left a scar in Robert’s psyche that often makes it difficult to form long term romantic connections. He’s terrified of marriage and has walked away many times from relationships that became too serious. Despite this, Robert at his core is lonely. He hates being alone, and loved living with his three best friends. He currently finds his apartment deafeningly quiet and a miserable place to be. Being the child of millionaires, created an ego in Robert, one that he has tamed enough to listen to others and not immediately assume he’s the only right one.  

Robert is a very suave individual, able to talk to anyone and sweet talk his way into their hearts. His ability to shift like a chameleon and mirror other’s abilities goes far beyond many human shifters. Another way he draws people in is with his passionate ideals, often spoken loudly, and a desire to make positive change in people. He regularly puts his money where his mouth is, and has funded numerous improvement projects in various low income communities. He very much enjoys spending his money on people and has a generous spirit. Despite any and all flaws that Robert may have, he is a great friend, it is clear he cares for everyone’s well being and is a great support system. Robert will occasionally surprise his friends with expensive gifts, despite the fact that as a whole human shifters rarely need it.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Political Candidate for Mayor

Scars: None

Tattoos: None

Two Likes: Cocktail parties and Arguing

Two Dislikes: Pinstripe suits and Being the last one at a party

Two Fears: Marriage and Guns

Two Hobbies: Rugby and Chess

Three Positive Traits: Suave, Passionate, Generous

Three Negative Traits: Egotistical, Repressed, Lonely

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Eloise Fischer (Mother): Eloise Fischer was one of the greatest conwomen of her time. Seamlessly stealing faces and heart, becoming very wealthy in a short amount of time. She taught him how to charm and schmooze his way to whatever he wanted.

Michael Fischer (Father): Michael Fischer was the sad sack that fell in love with Eloise. A powerful human shifter himself, he always played second fiddle to her games. Michael murdered Eloise over these games, and then himself, leaving Robert with a complex and a lot of money.

Sibling Names:

None

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

None

Platonic Connections:

Churchill Darling (Best Friend): Church and Robert clicked as soon as they met unexpectedly. While their histories are nowhere near the same, they both enjoyed taking faces and living as the person they wear. Robert, Churchill, Vincent and Patch all shared one apartment until recently, when Robert was tasked with running for mayor. Robert misses his best buddies but has an unknown form (Alexander Skarsgård) designated for hanging out and having fun.

Vincent Kane (Best Friend): Vincent and Robert grew up together. In the past they would take on sibling forms and live as brothers. Robert, Churchill, Vincent and Patch all shared one apartment until recently, when Robert was tasked with running for mayor. Robert misses his best buddies but has an unknown form (Alexander Skarsgård) designated for hanging out and having fun.

Jev ‘Patch’ Cipriano (Best Friend): Patch is a godsend and a joy to be around. Robert feels as if Patch is the younger brother his parents never had the chance to give him. It’s a plus that Patch’s parents love and care for Robert also. Robert, Churchill, Vincent and Patch all shared one apartment until recently, when Robert was tasked with running for mayor. Robert misses his best buddies but has an unknown form (Alexander Skarsgård) designated for hanging out and having fun.

Sirius Cobic (Old Friend): Robert has known Sirius his entire life. Robert was destroyed by his mother’s death. He was acting recklessly, needlessly spending money and spiraling out of control. Sirius pulled Robert out of his reckless depression and straightened him out. Sirius then took Robert under his wings.

Douglas Gish (Good Friend): Douglas is a good time walking. He always knows he can rely on him to be there at a moment’s notice. They were partners for a while when they both worked the beat. Though they were only together for a decade, the two formed a lifelong bond.

D.W. Colt (Good Friend): When Robert found himself in the advocacy track for a decade, D.W. trained him and tapped into some of the very repressed aspects of his personality. She showed him how to connect to the victims and he credits this for his impeccable listening skills. Robert didn’t last his typical full decade as an advocate, due to getting too invested with his cases, especially those involving familial murder and femicide. This was his last job in the police and law sector before he and Sirius decided he should run for office. He credits D.W. with a lot of his growth, but is very worried for her. The Colts are vicious and he can’t lose her to their violence.

Arthur ‘Art’ Milligan Jr. (Friend): Art and Robert worked together in the 1970s investigating the Chicago Outfit. They took a few mobsters out in their time, but it never really held interest for Robert. Art was a good partner and friend. They don’t get to speak as much lately, but Arthur always attends his retirement parties.

Winston ‘Sticks’ Abioye (Friend): Winston and Robert partnered up during the 60s on Homicide. They had a prolific career and caught, at the time, the largest number of suspects. It was a wild ride, and their energies often boosted one another up. He was sad to see his time in Homicide end, but he knew if he stayed he’d regret it eventually. Winston regularly gets an invite when the boys hang out together.

Shannon Harris (Media Consultant): Shannon is quieter, but has a good perception of public image. She is genuinely a very likable person which has reflected well on himself and his campaign. In addition to keeping Vee on as an advisor, he’d like to tempt Shannon to stay too.

Vanessa Stone (Campaign Manager): Vee is a spitfire. Always ready to argue her point to the death, she is prepared to stand firm in her beliefs until you go to her side. He’s found that hearing her idea out often gives him a better insight to the population he’ll be running soon, and has caused him to change his mind on a few issues.

Katherine King (Finance Consultant): Katherine is good at handling the finances. He wasn’t sure if there’d be a member of the Jackals he could trust with the job, but she’s doing well. It’s even better that she never asks where the money is coming from and simply does her job.

Greta Bow (Friend): Robert has a lot of money, and enjoys spending it on people. Greta is one of his favorites to surprise with something. She never expects it and her face lights up when she sees whatever it is.

Hostile Connections:

Colin Colt (Dislike): Robert is aware of D.W’s undercover status with the Colt Hunter Family. He is absolutely disgusted with Colin and thinks he is an idiot.

Roman Cleirigh (Dislike): Roman is known for selling drugs to supernaturals and some of them have made it into the hands of humans. When Robert worked in narcotics in the 1980s, he ran into a lot of problems with Roman and tried to take him down by the book. It failed and Robert was a target of the entire Cleirigh clan. Every now and again, Robert believes he’s being haunted or stalked.

Jim Montgomery (Dislike): Jim has no respect for boundaries and neither does the rats who work under him. Robert had heard that the rats have truces with the Jackal and Cat clans about work spaces and some homes. He tried to talk to Jim once in public and it ended with Robert’s car, clothes, and shoes being bugged.

Jaxson Idris (Dislike): Jaxson knows how to make Robert’s life hell and is the reason behind Robert’s constant changing or retiring of forms. He found the intrusive rat watching him and a lady friend in the shower once. Robert has a low tolerance for rat shifters or rats in general and always goes in for the kill.

Pets:

None

→ History (paragraph(s) on background)

→ The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Charlie Webber  [1][2][3]

Justin Theroux  [1]  

Alexander Skarsgård [1][2]  

Aly Michalka  [1][2]

[milomeepit]

An Untitled Document (Roman Angst Oneshot)

Ship: Roceit, background Analogical TW: Depression, anxiety, past abuse mention, unhealthy habits, dysphoria mention, brief eating disorder, death mention, bad family past, brief past mention of violence Word Count: 2k AN: ... yep.

Roman groaned as he tapped his fingers against the keyboard of his laptop. The sunlight streaming in through the window left a blinding white glare on the upper half of the screen, but he didn’t quite care enough to be bothered getting up and closing the curtain. He instead angled it down, sinking lower into the wooden dining chair. His back would surely complain later, but a shower would probably fix any aches or pains from the awkward position.

He wondered if he should get up and walk around for a bit, stretch his legs and give himself a break from his (apparently fruitless) efforts to work. But, then again, it seemed wrong to give himself a break when he hadn’t really done anything.

He had eaten breakfast- if cold leftover pizza and too-strong coffee counted as breakfast- and fed his pets. He’d even played with the cats for a while, and that had left a fleeting smile on his face as he sat down at the dining table with another cup of coffee and a bottle of soda to sip at while he worked.

The last dregs of coffee sat untouched in the cup, now cold and cloudy, while the soda was half-gone already. His teeth felt rough and slimy, coated in the absurd amounts of sugar from the unhealthy drink. The document on screen hadn’t changed since he sat down an hour and a half ago, the cursor blinking and taunting him. Sure, he’d written and rewritten and deleted a few hundred words, but nothing he’d written seemed good enough.

Writing was supposed to be his passion, the thing he could still grab and hold close to his chest when things got rough. It was all he had left at this point. He couldn’t dance anymore, not with the weak knees he’d inherited from his mother, and his own growing ankle issues from several years of working on his feet for whole days with no breaks. He couldn’t remember the last time he performed a song or in a play, the foggy memories of hot stage lights and elaborate costumes and giggling, whispered conversations in dressing rooms now leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Drawing and painting was an option, still, but they were never really his, not after the ridicule he’d received through highschool from one particularly sharp-tongued art teacher.

Roman’s stomach growled, and he grimaced, glancing at the clock. Only eleven o’clock. He couldn’t eat until one, at the very least. He couldn’t let himself slip into comfort eating again, not when he still had a generously padded belly, not when flab swung off the bottom of his arms, not when his back fat poked unattractively out of the bottom of his binder, not when-

He shook his head, as if to clear it like one of the Etch A Sketch boards his nephew loved. He was in a bad enough headspace right now without spiralling down into a dysphoric, self-body-hating hellscape.

He instead turned his attention back to his phone, which sat on the table between him and his laptop, and continued scrolling blankly through social media. Memes and posts and videos flashed past his eyes, some of them drawing a faint smirk or an amused huff. He sent a few to Dee. He was well aware that his fiance was at work, but some of them would hopefully give him a smile when he went on break later.

He set his phone down again and took an absentminded swig from the bottle of soda. He winced as it grated against his teeth, the sugar almost hurting his teeth as it swirled down his throat. He ran his tongue over his teeth, prodding at them gently. He hissed sharply as he got to the loose one at the bottom of his mouth. Adults probably weren’t meant to have loose teeth, he thought to himself. He probably needed to see a dentist. When he could afford it. If he could afford it.

11:11am. Roman spent a few seconds trying to think of a wish, but before his mind could grasp a solid thought, the clock ticked over, and the moment was gone. It was all rubbish, anyway. Wishes didn’t come true, and life was cruel to those who didn’t deserve it. Dee was one of the best people he’d ever met, and certainly his favourite, yet he was a ball of anxiety and guilt complexes. He deserved to feel confident about himself, to love his laugh and his soft tummy and his small stature that put him at the perfect height for cuddling, to love his loud way of speaking and his passion for those he cared about. Roman certainly loved them, more than words could say.

He was jolted from his thoughts by his phone buzzing with a message from Dee. He must have been on break already. Roman had yet to pin down the break times scattered throughout his shift, so he never knew exactly when his beloved would be online during the day.

snakememesaremadeofthese [11:16]: good morning darling <3 how did you sleep? cocoa_crowns [11:16]: hi, love <33 alright, how’s work going? snakememesaremadeofthese [11:16]: oh, you know, same old same old. It’s.. a day pft snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: what are you up to? cocoa_crowns [11:17]: nothing much really, just dishes and laundry

That was a complete lie, but Roman couldn’t quite face telling Dee he hadn’t touched the chores they discussed last night. He fully intended to do them before Dee got home, that was for certain! Just... not right now.

snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: so, are you working this weekend or? cocoa_crowns [11:17]: i havent gotten a shift request yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: all good, that means we can stay home over my long weekend, do some cleaning and stuff.

Roman let out a soft whine. He’d honestly been hoping that he would get a job request for the weekend, between rough finances and missing his older brother. Logan seemed happy to let them stay at his and Virgil’s house over the weekend when Roman was working, though that was likely because Roman was working for Virgil.

At least Dee usually didn’t seem to mind hanging out at their place while Roman was working. He spent most of his time with Logan and Virgil’s three year old son, Patton. Patton, for his part, adored Dee as if he’d hung the moon and stars in the sky with his own hand. It was cute to see, even if a tiny part of Roman stung with jealousy over being replaced as Patton’s favourite. He genuinely did love seeing the two of them cuddled up on the couch together, playing with toys or watching TV or talking.

It made him excited for the idea of having children, in all honesty. Dee had made his desire to one day have kids clear pretty early on, and Roman had to say he agreed. For a long time, he hated the idea of having children- mostly because he didn’t want to be pregnant, the very idea of it set off his dysphoria like an alarm bell- but he didn’t mind the idea of raising a child with Dee.

Speaking of... he turned back to the computer, squinting at the bright white screen. It was meant to be a story about adoption and found families and unconditional love and hope, but... he just couldn’t get it to click. No matter what he wrote, the tone didn’t feel right for what he was trying to hit. It was just... Wrong, and he hated himself for it.

Writing was meant to be the one thing. His thing. But it just wouldn’t flow, no matter how hard he tried, or what tips and tricks he tested out, or how many breaks he took, or what projects he tried to work on. He loved these stories and characters with his whole heart, and he knew people would be interested in this story- after all, he’d gotten a great reception from the first installment in his planned series. He could talk about them for hours, gush about his plans and ideas and characters, but when it came to actually writing them?

Not a chance.

His heart ached. He felt like he was spinning in the same circles as he had been for months. New house, an (ex boyfriend) friend turned vaguely irritating housemate, new pets, a possible new job that would pay well but he was certain he would loathe- despite Dee’s company during breaks- all of these changes were throwing him off rhythm, and while he was sure that they were for the best, and long term, they would help him live a Happy Life, it was upsetting.

A small, shameful part of him wanted to go home. Not home back to the shared house he had been miserable in, despite only living there for a few short months, not home back to Logan and Virgil’s house, but back to the house he grew up in. It was filthy and toxic, and the people there weren’t much better, but it was familiar. It was regular. He knew how to navigate the treacherous landscape of rotting food left piled in the kitchen, of insults screamed over minute irritations, of the stench from medical issues improperly treated, of prescription medications abused and leaving the mother who was meant to protect him in a drug induced haze, of his father bellowing and throwing things and breaking precious objects and walls (and, in some terrifying cases, people), of the two middle brothers fighting and not understanding why it upset him so. He knew how to try and keep the peace, and how to cope when he failed, as was so often the case in that household. He knew who to talk to and who to avoid in that neighborhood, who to run to if he got in a fight, who to stand up against and who to back down from. The scars from knife wounds in his youth had taught him lessons more valuable than his rundown school ever had.

He didn’t realise that he was crying until a fat tear plopped onto the dining table, narrowly missing his phone screen. He hated that he missed it. He hated that he missed his father, despite swearing off contact with him after coming away from their last conversation with a black eye. He hated that both he and Logan were deliberately keeping their mother at arm’s length, trying to save themselves from the pain of her likely-approaching death. He hated that his other brothers were good people, people he loved, and he couldn’t even go near them anymore out of fear for their parents.

Roman glanced at the clock blinking in the lower corner of his computer screen. An hour and a half had passed since Dee had messaged him, and he hadn’t moved from his slouched position at the dining table. He probably had roughly three hours to do everything else he needed to do before Dee got home. That should be plenty of time. Should be.

He noticed numbly that he hadn’t yet changed out of his pyjamas, just thrown on the cat hoodie he’d bought at a convention a few years ago to show it to the kittens and see if they would cuddle up in the large pocket on the front. He probably needed to shower, as well. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d bathed.

... Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate. He knew he’d had a bath at least semi-recently, because he remembered using one of the bath bombs that he and Dee had gotten at the pharmacy near Logan’s house the other weekend.

He twisted a finger into his hair, pulling his fringe down over his eyes to inspect it. It didn’t feel too greasy, and it looked fine. He was probably fine. Though he should at least wash his face, to deal with his blotchy cheeks and red eyes, if nothing else. Maybe slap on some makeup and go for a walk in the pleasant weather outside. Take the dog with him, wander around town a bit.

As he stared out the window at Dee’s dog, who was sprinting wildly up and down her tether, probably chasing some bug or lizard, he felt his heart sink. He knew he wasn’t going to do any of that. Pipe dreams for someone with far more energy and functionality than he possessed lately.

So, instead, trying his best to ignore the looming sense of dread he felt, and the anxiety he could feel building over Dee’s return and subsequent disappointment over his lack of productivity, he turned his still tear-blurred gaze back to the too-bright screen of the laptop, readied his fingers over the keyboard, and attempted once again to write.

Depression, anxiety, past abuse mention, unhealthy habits, dysphoria mention, brief eating disorder, death mention, bad family past, brief past mention of violence

[logically-starjam]

Words Aren’t Made to be Eaten

 Description: 

Pairings: Past Logince

Warnings: Panic(?) Attack, mention of suicide, mention of drugs, mention of alcohol, crying, 

A/N: Welcome to Crow's pet project for the past two months. Monster song fic! This is partly a vent fic. The fight is based off a real one so it may seem a bit ooc. It’s kinda long so I’m splitting this up. 

1/?

Tell me again about how it hurts

“Enough!” Logan clasped his hands over his ears. “You are not contributing anything except complaints. Has it ever occurred to you to just shut up?” 

Being awfully loud for an introvert

Roman carefully inspected the telescope in his hands. “Actually it hasn’t Dr. Do-Little-Work. And I’m not complaining. I’m putting in my wondrous, needed opinions. I mean, after all, it’s not like your ideas are good enough to get through to Thomas by themselves.” 

Get out of my room, smile wiped clean

“Get out.” 

“What?” 

“Get out.” Logan carefully repeated through clenched teeth. His brows furrowed with the effort of not crying in front of Roman. He shouldn’t be crying. He doesn’t do feelings. Crying is a symptom of feeling. He is Logic. Crystal clear facts. Not some silly hormone-driven creature like the rest of them. He stared at the scribbled over paper in front of him. 

“Oh come on Logan. Don’t be so sensitive. Anyways—” 

“GET OUT!” Logan roared as he swiveled around to face Roman. He couldn’t place why his heart hurt just a bit more when he saw Roman’s smug face drop. Useless feelings. Useless. Useless. Useless. 

Just like him. 

Isn't it weird to be so mean?

“Logan. What’s wrong with you? Have you been spending too much time in Patton’s room or something? Geez, ever heard of temper control?” 

“You! You’re what’s wrong with me.” Logan shot up from his chair and strode towards Roman. “You are constantly daydreaming while being clueless to the issues around you. You can’t do anything right, which is why you have to rely on one of us to help you create something. You’re supposed to be Thomas’s passion. His ego. His creativity. Look at him. His ego is almost non-existent. He panics about new videos and creations constantly. You failed him.”

Each word was punctuated with a sharp jab at Roman’s chest. “Virgil has been letting up. You can tell that he tries his best not to bring Thomas down anymore. Patton has even been working on his feelings. He’s been working on controlling them and not bottling up anything. What do you do? You belittle them both.” Logan’s mouth seemed to be on auto-pilot. 

Roman stumbled backward, trying to get away from the harsh words. 

“You can’t handle the fact that the rest of us are more liked than you. The fact that the rest of us are more important than you. You always say that we were doing fine without Virgil, that we’d be fine without him. You were right about a side not being needed. Just not which one.” Logan slammed the door, separating him and Roman. 

I'm guessing that I've grown horns

Logan turned around and slid to the floor. What had he done? Those words weren’t meant for Roman. Those words weren’t meant to be spoken out loud. They were meant for— 

I guess I'm human no more

Logan stopped as he realized he couldn’t breathe. His fingers scrambled up his throat, trying desperately to open up to let him breathe. Somewhere in the back of his head, a voice reminded him to breathe. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Repeat. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8 repeat. Repetition. He could do this. Performing the same functions over and over again. Repetition. Like a robot. He could do this. 

I can tell I've rotted in your brain

“That was harsh. You know, he looked up to you.” Another voice said. 

He didn’t respond. He wasn’t going to respond. Breathe in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Breathe in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. He had no time for feeling inducing voices. He had a task to do. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8.  

“Logan. Everything he did, he did to impress you.” 

In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8, ignore the voice. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8, ignore the voice. 

Oh, how easily passion twists

“Logan, if this is about the breakup, I really don’t think you should be lashing out like this. It’s been months and Roman already put it behind him.”

In for 4, hold for 7, out for— what was the voice talking about? There was just noise. He couldn’t understand. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t— 

You think I'm a crazy bitch

“Look, brainiac, I don’t wanna lecture you. That’s Patton’s job when you get out of there. But just…” The voice seemed unsure of what to say next. As if a misstep could break Logan. Break? Broken? Break? A part of him was screaming, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. 

I craft my words to fit your head “Make the right decision ok?” 

Logan was vaguely aware of the voice. His breathing quickened again. 

“L? You ok? You’ve been pretty quiet. Do you need me to come in there?” 

Logan couldn’t talk. He felt like he was dying. 

'Cause no one listens to the dead

The door slammed open. Virgil rushed over to Logan’s shaking figure. 

“Logan, buddy, focus on my voice ok?” He frantically said. Virgil’s hands were gripping Logan’s arms on either side. Logan nodded, faintly aware of the growing pain on his arms. 

“Ok, ok, um, what would Patton do? What would Patton do…” Virgil muttered to himself, “Aha! Ok, L, can you name one thing that you can smell?” 

Logan inhaled deeply. The scent of the ocean attacked his nostrils. He had always loved the ocean. He didn’t have enough control over his room to make an ocean, but he could control it enough to summon a light sea breeze to blow through his room at all times. 

“The ocean.” 

“Good, good. Can you tell me two things that you can see?” 

Logan tried to focus his blurry vision. He could see Virgil. Virgil seemed worried, more than usual. Had he done this to him?

‘Wasn’t hurting one person enough?’ he thought bitterly. He could feel the negativity begin to whir around his brain. 

“Logan! Buddy, please focus on me. Ok, let’s, um, skip that one. What’s one thing you can feel?” Virgil nervously asked, his grip growing tighter. 

“Pain.” Logan deadpanned. Virgil hurriedly released Logan’s arms. 

“Sorry.”

“It is ok.” Logan took a deep, shuddering breath. “I believe I am returning to normality.” Virgil nodded in understanding. He offered his hand. Logan hesitated for a moment before intertwining his fingers with Virgil’s. 

The two sat in silence for a while as Logan’s heart rate returned to normal, Virgil rubbing circles into his hand all the while. Eventually, Virgil broke the silence. 

“Sorry.”

So maybe I will talk to you

“What for?”

“For making you, you know.” Virgil picked absentmindedly at a loose string on his hoodie, trying to look anywhere but at Logan. 

“You did not cause it Virgil. I was already well into the attack when you came along.” 

“Oh.” Virgil replied. The silence settled over the two again. Virgil’s hand stopped moving. A single question hung over the pair like a needle over a balloon. 

The only way I know how to

“Can I ask what happened?” 

There was the question. Logan sighed and looked up at his ceiling. 

“If you don’t want to, that’s totally cool. I understa-” 

“It is fine. I have no qualms about informing you what occurred. Bottling up feelings is mentally unhealthy and could just lead to future attacks or spirals. Talking about it may help me understand what is happening a little more as well.” Virgil glanced over at Logan. Logan was still looking up at his ceiling. Virgil followed his gaze and gasped. Logan had 9 miniature planets, slowly orbiting a sun that was the size of a basketball. Around them, was a painted galaxy that was so detailed, it looked lifelike. Small stars twinkled in and out of existence, scattered around the ceiling. 

“I remember when Roman helped me decorate my ceiling. He thought that it would be a good idea to have something to stare at,” Logan’s tone was nostalgic, but Virgil could hear a twinge of sadness, “We argued for hours over the details of each planet, but after 7 hours, we were done. We spent so long lying on my bed, talking about the future and our hopes and dreams.” 

Mhm, I've said my speech

“Logan?” Virgil softly asked. 

“Right. I, um, don’t quite know where to start… I suppose I would need to start at the very beginning. Is that alright?” 

“Of course L. It’s all good to me.” 

“Well, when Roman and I began dating, we established a set of rules and boundaries, as any functioning beings are want to do. The boundaries included both physical and mental boundaries. Things we could not do, and things we could  not say.” Logan noticed the alarmed look on Virgil’s face. “Do not worry, they were simply things from our past that we did not want brought up. They were things that were off limits during fights. They were not to be talked about by the other person.” 

The pieces clicked together in Virgil’s head. 

“Who did it first?” Virgil asked quietly. 

Mhm, through sharpened teeth

It had happened approximately 9 months ago. They had been arguing about something stupid, Logan remembered. He had said that friends were objectively unimportant. One thing had led to another and they soon began arguing about rights and wrongs, as most of their arguments tend to end on. Normally, their fights wouldn’t have escalated to these kinds of levels, but tensions had been growing for the past month. Roman became curious about something deeply personal to Logan and had been investigating under Logan’s nose. 

“That makes no sense! What you are saying, is that if someone wanted to take drugs, you should just let them!” 

 “If it doesn’t hurt anyone, and if everyone involved gives consent, then yes!” Roman glared furiously at Logan. “You can’t just control people’s lives! We deserve to be free, to pursue the things we want to.” 

“Roman, if people could just do what they wanted, the world would be in a state of anarchy. Society functions and thrives because of rules. Rules are necessary. Laws are necessary!” Logan argued. 

“Laws that affect people basically say that people should do whatever they want, as long as it doesn’t hurt other people, as long as everyone involved gives consent, and if you want to hurt other people, they give consent to be hurt!” 

“What does the last one even mean?” 

“People are kinky. I don’t judge.” 

Logan sighed. Pushing his glasses back up his nose.  “Roman, if people could do whatever they wanted, nothing would get done. People would choose to do nothing instead of going to work. The economy would collapse. It would be the end of society.” 

Roman spluttered. “N-No! People are better than that. People can choose to do nothing right now anyways and they don’t. There isn’t a-”

“On top of that, should you let people take as many drugs as they want? Should you let people drink as much as they want? ‘As long as they give consent’ right?” Logan mocked. 

Roman’s head snapped back from the ground to Logan. “Actually, no! People under the influence can’t legally give consent!” 

“That’s only in rape.”

“Noo? I’m pretty sure it still counts anyways.” 

“Look. What you want is pure anarchy. The government needs to have control over people. People are too stupid to do it themselves so someone has to.” 

“No! If you let the government take some rights, where’s the line?” Roman’s voice quivered. Tears began pricking his eyes. “What keeps them from deciding where you can go? What you can eat? What you can do? Who you can love?” Roman turned and stormed off to the living room. Virgil and Patton’s heads turned around. Patton saw the look on Roman’s face and sprang up to comfort the crying side. Logan stormed in soon afterwards. Virgil crossed the room to talk to him. Patton tried to make puns to cheer Roman up to no avail. Roman cried harder when he heard his name uttered across the room. 

Logan stormed back towards Roman. “Can I say one last thing?” 

“No.”

“Remember when Joan told you they wanted to kill themselves at the Halloween party?” 

“Stop.” 

“You made Thomas tell their parents. You didn’t exactly have consent, did you?” 

“Stop it.” 

“They did not give you their consent, did they? Thomas told their parents when they did not give us ‘consent’” 

“THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!” Roman shouted, tears flowing freely down his face. “You weren’t there! You wouldn’t understand!” 

The sound of the phrase he had used so much towards Roman during Roman’s ‘investigation’ made something in him snap. “THEN MAKE ME UNDERSTAND! I CAN’T EXACTLY-” Virgil slapped a hand over his mouth and dragged him away from the sobbing Roman. 

You break the rules and spikes grow from your skin

“We’re over.” 

Roman’s cold voice shocked Logan. He hadn’t heard the prince’s voice so devoid of emotion. 

“What?” Logan asked. This was out of nowhere. He racked his brain for a possible reason. Was it because of the fight? But they always fought. They would fight, cool off, make up, and then do it all over again. Why was Roman-

“We. Are. Over.” 

“Why?” Logan couldn’t stop the word before it flew out of his mouth. 

“Why? Why? You dare ask me why?” Roman’s voice was strained. “You broke the rule. You broke my trust. You deliberately brought up something, that you knew was painful for me. If you can’t understand why, then you’re blinder than I thought.” He turned and slammed the door. 

[boarix]

Wraith in the Ruins: Meanwhile, Back in Goodneighbor III

The Straw

A look back-in-time, before Wraith woke up.

Trigger warnings: canon language/drug & alcohol use. Attempted suicide

Game Spoilers!

Please enjoy!

 “Checkmate!” Fahrenheit’s triumphant yell startled Harold, the Neighborhood Watch sanding guard at the door. He had been drifting off and her jubilation had made him spaz comically. Hancock pretended not to notice as he reached forward with dramatic slowness and resigned his king.

“You got me. Good match Fahr… hey… where…?”

As soon as the crown touched the board Fahrenheit had walked briskly around to Hancock’s private bar. Helping herself to a tumbler and what she knew for a fact was his best whiskey, she proceed to pour herself a very generous portion.

“Careful with that! That’s way more…”

Downing it like a shot, she was immediately overcome by a gasping, coughing fit, “Whasser! Hag erk!”

Laughing at her, Hancock provided an unnecessarily exuberant pat on the back before passing her a container of water, “Heh. Tried to warn ya. That there is a ‘sipping whiskey’. A deal is a deal I suppose, but I feel you’re a little young to be drinkn’ the hard shit.”

“I’m eighteen, Hancock.”

“Are you really? Christ am I getting old!” He felt a small pain in his heart; she was all grown up. “So when you movin’ out?”

Rolling her eyes, she smiled at him before pouring a more sensible portion, “Oh no! No way. You would get into way too much shit without me here.”

They heard footsteps coming up the stairs before Harold stuck his head in the door, “There’s a courier for you Mayor Hancock.”

“Ah, that would be a letter from Morningstar.” Hancock had recently been in correspondence with a huge player in the Capital Wasteland: Nyx Morningstar owned a majority share in the trade caravans that moved in and around the ruins to the south and Hancock wanted Goodneighbor to be part of her expansion north. Apparently, in addition to moving a vast array of goods, she also moved “packages” for the Railroad. Deacon had been pivotal in establishing the link, which was something that severely nettled Hancock.

Taking the proffered envelope, he tipped the courier before tearing it open, “Oh… It’s from Nick…” Color drained from Hancock’s face almost as soon as he began reading. Stumbling backward toward his desk, he missed his chair completely and fell heavily to the floor.

“Hancock!” Rushing to his side, Fahrenheit took the letter from his outstretched hand and began reading:

John,

It is with deep regret that I must inform you on the death of your parents.

I took the liberty of looking into their passing and could find no evidence of foul play. As you may know Patrick had fallen ill recently and as will sometimes happen, Martha followed him shortly to her rest.

Mayor McDonough had their remains cremated as is the custom.

If you need anything from me, or would like me to follow up, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Your friend,

Nick Valentine

Fahrenheit placed a hand on his shoulder, “John…”

Flinching at the contact Hancock’s voice was husky, “I need… I need you to go…”

Trying her best to be understanding, she left him in his office, shutting the door behind her. She told Harold to direct all future concerns to her and that the mayor was “Not to be disturbed!”

She expected him to go on a bender. She expected him to have a bedroom full of men and women at all hours of the night and day. Fahrenheit expected Bedlam. What she got was… nothing. Within 24 hours Hancock was apparently back to his normal self and it terrified her. When she finally worked up the nerve to ask him about it he had smiled and said, “These things happen.”

The letter from Morningstar came 3 days after Valentine’s. In it Nyx informed Hancock that she herself would be making the journey to Goodneighbor to finalize the trade agreement. Jumping into the preparations with almost hyper-like enthusiasm, Fahrenheit had a suspicion that Hancock was keeping himself together just to make sure the deal went through.

 As soon as Nyx stepped through the gate Fahrenheit could tell that this was a woman in power: confidence and strength emanated from her like rays of light from the sun. She was tall, built like a brick house and with blue-black hair and golden eyes she was strikingly beautiful. As if she wasn’t impressive enough on her own, she was accompanied by her personal bodyguard Charon, an absolute mountain of a ghoul.

If Hancock was intimidated he didn’t show it in the least. Emanating his own aura of confidence and charisma he greeted his guests with arms open wide, “Welcome to Goodneighbor my friends. May you find whatever it was you are looking for, even if you didn’t know you were looking. I trust your trip in was pleasantly uneventful?”

Shaking his offered hand, Nyx unleashed a devastating smile and the two fell into an easy banter as if they had been close friends for years. Hancock introduced Fahrenheit as his second and Nyx turned her smile on her like it was a weapon. The strong handshake and eye contact left Fahrenheit fighting flushed cheeks.

Fahrenheit decided she really didn’t care for Nyx Morningstar.

Over the next few days Hancock kept Fahrenheit with him as he danced the political dance; making sure she had a chance to observe a master at work. He welcomed any questions she had, even during actual haggling sessions. She felt pride in the level of trust he was showing her.

She was taken down a peg however when she realized the trade agreement wasn’t the only deal Nyx had going down in the Commonwealth. There were several meetings with key Railroad members, some of which Hancock was party to that Fahrenheit was not.

Fahrenheit decided she really didn’t care for Nyx Morningstar.

 She found the first broken mirror 2 days after the Morningstar caravan left. When she asked Hancock about how his bathroom mirror had been cracked he laughed it off, “Heh. These things happen.”

He was sleeping alone. Hancock almost always had a bedfellow.

The glass was broken on the portrait of the original John Hancock that the mayor kept in his office. The day after she had asked about it the picture vanished along with all the glass from the display cases throughout the State House.

He was destroying his reflection whenever and wherever he saw it and had taken to wearing gloves to hide his bloody and bandaged knuckles.

Fahrenheit wanted so badly to help him, but she couldn’t get him to talk to her. All the lessons he taught her on history and music as well as combat and arms in no way supplied her with the tools to help someone who was clearly on an emotional downward spiral. She even went to Daisy; one of the people that she knew for a fact actually cared about the mayor as a person.

“He won’t talk to me either, honey. Lord knows he’s hurting… maybe just give him some more time.”

Hancock made sure his internal struggle was invisible to the rest of the people of Goodneighbor by going about his mayoral duties as if nothing was wrong. The Morningstar caravan from Underworld to Goodneighbor was a huge success and goods and Railroad packages moved smoothly between the two cities.  In fact, to an outside observer, Goodneighbor had achieved a renaissance and Hancock was its da Vinci.

As if she wasn’t worried enough as it was, Fahrenheit’s anxiety got a major boost the day Hancock officially made her Captain of the Neighborhood Watch. He even had a small ceremony, (much to her embarrassment) followed by a large party at the Third Rail (where she was even more embarrassed).

A week later she couldn’t find him.

Keeping it quiet wasn’t easy. She didn’t ask around, she just patrolled in more specific areas of town where one might find a wayward mayor. Finally giving up she went back to his office. She found the note pinned to his coat on the seat of his desk chair.

She couldn’t even open it. Fahrenheit stared at the envelope as if it were a monster. If she turned away it may devour her, but if she continued to look at it there was no denying its existence.

“Where would he go…? He wouldn’t do it here.” She knew the note wouldn’t tell her. Hancock didn’t want to be stopped. This wasn’t a cry for help; he was looking for an end. “The ocean museum!” It hit her like a thunder-bolt. Grabbing his coat she sprinted out of the State House and ignoring the calls from her subordinates, she flew out of the gate and into the ruins.  

 It was dark by the time she entered the dry-dock warehouse just south of the Nahant Oceanological Society building. Hancock loved being close to the ocean and would often “threaten” Fahrenheit with potential fishing trips. She knew he would be there. Somewhere…

“…people who own little businesses of their own, the safer… the people who have a stake in their country and in their community are its best citizens…” She could hear Hancock’s voice, but it sounded odd; coarser than normal. Fahrenheit recognized he was repeating some of his favorite John Hancock quotes. “We must be unanimous; there must be no pulling different ways; we must hang together!”

When she finally saw him her heart froze and she dropped to her knees: he was standing naked in the center of a room wreathed in an iridescent green flame. Even as she watched he seemed to diminish, almost melt, before her eyes. His once shining mane of blond curls had all but fallen to the ground and his proud Roman nose was hanging by a shriveled piece of skin. He had stopped speaking for a moment and was watching the flames run up and down his arms as if entranced.

“John… no…”

He was beyond hearing her; lost in the high of whatever chem he had taken to cause his transformation. And transforming he was; Fahrenheit had grown up around ghouls and knew, without a doubt in her mind, what his end shape would be.

“John… why?”

“Resistance to tyranny…Harrrk” Choking on his own blood, he crouched into a fetal position as he coughed, “AAAGGHHHOO HAGGkkkk. Oh! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!” Fahrenheit flinched and stood up when he suddenly jumped back to a standing position. Throwing his hands out wide, he continued his rambling quotations, “There! I guess King George can now read my name without his spectacles, and he can double the reward on my head!”  

“Please John… Can you even hear me? Don’t you see me here? JOHN!”

Turning to her he took a few steps toward her extending his right hand as if pleading for help. But as he was still burning, she shied and backed away from his touch. Dropping his arm he stared at her with his now coal-black eyes, “I see you Fahr. Look! Now I’m as ugly on the outside as I’ve been on the inside all along. Along. Along… Inside is the outside as is the inside-out!” He turned away and continued his speech to an assembly only he could see, “I am a friend to righteous government, to a government founded upon the principles of reason and justice; but I glory in publicly avowing my eternal enmity to tyranny.”

“Please stop! Please don’t… you can’t do this to me. YOU FUCKING CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!” She was crying now, openly sobbing, “You selfish fucking coward! Why did you do this? You can’t kill yourself!”

“I killed them all Fahr. They are all dead because of me.” The flames were beginning to dwindle as he walked back to stand in front of her.  He was now fully a ghoul and completely unrecognizable, “And you’re right Fahr; apparently I can’t even kill myself. That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves.”

“That’s wrong. That wasn’t John Hancock... that one was Jefferson.” She brought his coat up and buried her face in it, “Why would you try? Don’t you know what your death would have done to Goodneighbor?”

“You are all better off without me. Why th’ fuck did you come here? Why’d you bring that thing?” He pointed at the frock coat with obvious irritation, “I never earned the right to wear it anyway.” His eyes narrowed and he ran at her growling terribly, “HAAARRRRGGGGGGGAHHH!”

Rather than draw her side arm, she faced him down. Standing her ground, she called his bluff. His scarred face inches from hers, he continued to roar at her until he suddenly became fascinated by a boat in the corner. Running over to it, he climbed in and standing on the seat like it was a stage, started to hum Orange Colored Sky. Fahrenheit’s favorite song.

“I remember when you showed up with this,” She was looking down at the frock coat and had tenderness in her voice, “you looked so silly because it didn’t fit you, even as skinny as you are, but you still had your arms in it… all backwards… I was mad because you had cut yourself. I can still see you and Daisy sitting back-to-back, I sewed your hands back together while she let the coat out. You were making faces… trying to get me to laugh… oh John…” Crying bitterly she dropped to a crouch with the coat held to her face.  

“I’m sorry Fahr. I… I fucked up again. I thought that I could atone this way… I hurt you instead. I don’t ever want to hurt you. I knew there was a chance that I could survive, but end up as a ghoul. I thought I didn’t care which way it went.” He had come to sit next to her, legs crossed and hands in his lap he had made an effort to cover his nudity, “but maybe this will have to count for something.”

“Does it hurt? I have Med-X with me.”

“It hurts like a mother fucker! But… I deserve every second of this pain. I’m a Goddamn fool. I can’t ask ya to forgive me for this. I wouldn’t deserve it.”

“I… I’m really mad at you right now and I’ll be mad at you for the foreseeable future, but you know I love you so… Now what?”

“Now… I’m not sure.” Running a hand across his head, he realized perhaps for the first time, that his hair was gone.

“If you need some time to… heal? I can look after Goodneighbor for a bit, but I think the town needs you John.”

“Ya don’t think the people will have a few questions as to why their mayor is missing his nose?”

“I’m not sure most of them would be lucid enough to notice. The ones that do… they’ll know it’s you.”

“Who’s ‘you’? Who am I supposed to be now Fahr?”

She stood up and draped his coat around his shoulders, “John McDonough is officially dead. You killed him today.” Smiling sadly down at him she offered him her hand, “Your John Hancock of course.”

  Thank you for reading! Like what you read? Looking for more? Please see my Wraith in the Ruins master-link in my bio. =^..^=

[truesymphony]

Cas & Ray’s Timeline

@hi-im-cas & @virdityshattred

Before meeting Castiel, Rachael encountered the boys.  She was working on a story and uncovered details about a demon unbeknownst to her.  As she began to uncover more about this demon, two FBI agents approached her insisting she stop.  Rachael being the stubborn thing she is wouldn’t let it go.  It put a target on her but thankfully the then agents reveled the truth to her about the Supernatural and that they were really the Winchesters.

Learning what she did meant she could never just go back and pretend that it didn’t happen so she set out make a difference.  When she parted ways from the boys Sam gave her his number to act as her guide.  Within months she was a real hunter thanks to Sam talking her through things case by case.

Her attachment to the boys grew quickly and they would often work together when possible but things changed when Dean was drug to hell without even telling Rachael.  She grieved while working with Sam trying to find a way to save Dean.  Eventually Ray distanced herself from it losing hope to save Dean.

Months passed and as far as she knew nothing had changed till out of the blue she received a call from Sam needing her help.  Arriving she found both the boys alive and safe.  It was then the boys explained about Cas and the prophecy and everything.  It was a whole mix of emotions for Rachael but she had already decided she liked Cas because he saved Dean who at the time Rachael had a tiny crush on.

Of course Rachael didn’t stay with them for long.  some case later so unknowingly was working to find the same creature as Castiel.  When she went to find the creature she realizes she was too late.  The creature laid dead and Cas was there injured.  Ray approached him and soon realized this was THE Castiel.  She was very excited to meet him at last and invited him to stay with her but he wasn’t sure.  Instead he took her number but texted her that night.  Eventually she convinced him to stay with her.

The following weeks Cas found himself tagging along on her hunts to make sure she would be safe leaving occasionally for the Winchesters or heaven.  Somewhere in that time there was a noticeable change in the angel. He had a strange tightness in his chest whenever around the redhead and even greater difficult expressing himself.  He wasn’t aware of it at the time but it was the beginning of the end for him.

Ray assisted as much as possible trying to prevent Lucifer from coming but eventually it happens leaving them to deal with a lot.  During the time of dealing with Famine Rachael was hit with the desire to be with Castiel.  It was very hard to control but because of everything going on he hadn’t noticed which was a relief because she hadn’t been ready to deal with that just yet.

Everything ended in a mess.  The boys fell apart and they lost so many friends.  When the boys leave Rachael knows that they probably won’t come back.  She insists on going but they don’t think it’s best. She stays behind but eventually she shows up just as the Sam falls into the cage.  For a split second she loses it but then Dean is okay and Cas is there.  She spends a lot of time crying with dean.  Eventually they end up at Bobby’s before dean leaves without a word or explanation.

Ray has a moment where she questions if this is what she wants with her life but she decides that she wants to keep going because of Cas and all the things she believes in.  When Sam comes back she is determined that she made the right choice.  Because of everything she begins working closely with Sam but Cas knows what a danger it is and confronts Rachael.  When he tells her what happens she promises him that they will fix it.  She agrees to stay with Sam while Cas works throw things.

The boys come back together eventually so they can work together but they continue to keep dean in the dark at first.  Perhaps it’s guilt for Cas but Ray won’t betray him so she just has to wait. As time goes on they encounter Meg and she and Cas share a kiss.  It upset Rachael and this is the first time she yells at Cas.  In jealousy and frustration she storms off putting herself into danger.

Ray ends up being attacked and possessed by a demon leaving the boys to have to take care of it because Castiel can’t hurt ray so it’s mostly put on the boys.  Right after this Dean insists on her anti-possession tattoo.

The weeks following the kiss Ray is on edge a lot.  Favoring Dean over Cas because she is so hurt.  It isn’t till they encounter Balth that things shift.  Balth notices how Castiel is with Rachael.  That protectiveness and how he wraps his wings around her when she is near.  He takes it upon himself to test cas’ feelings going as far as to flirt with Rachael.  It upsets Cas a lot telling Balthazar what he needs to know.  He encourages cas to make a move but when he doesn’t Balth picks a fight with him. Ray jumps to Cas’ defense and that’s when Cas attempts to give her a river rock he has kept since the dawn of time.  Ray finds it strange but accepts the gift cause it’s cas.  Not realizing that it holds a deeper meaning as it does with Sea otters.

Balth watching the whole thing and is very unimpressed then takes it upon himself to pluck one of Cas’ feathers to present to the fair maiden.  Ray gets so excited for his feather and Cas sees it.  It upsets him because he wanted to pick a nicer feather.  One HE can give to her.  He decides then to pluck the most beautiful feather then gives it to Ray.  In her excitement she jumps on him hugging him and thanking him which causes his vessel’s heart to race so much he feels like something is wrong.  When things finally settle Ray asks him to stay and he spend the night watching her as she sleeps.

From that moment on she never takes that feather off!!!  

They continue to grow closer till the moment she finds out Cas has been working with Crowley and hiding things.  She gets upset but she defends Cas to dean leading to them having a huge fight.  Dean attempts to keep her in the baby before storming in to find Godstiel.  Rachael arrives to hear what he says to the boy and she is very upset by it.  She goes to grab his hand but he leaves which breaks Rachael.

She refuses to move or leave and Dean has to literally carry her out and take her back to bobby’s.  A couple days later Cas shows up following the who thing with the voters clearly upset from what he had done.  Ray comforts him and tells him that they are still there for him.  That she will always be there for him and then they share their first kiss.  In that moment things change.  He feels hope and decides he has to fix things for her.  For them.

By the time he gets to dean and everything it’s too late.  Ray sees the goo and then he disappears.  Rachael fetches his coat from the water.  She clings to it refusing to even wash it.  She spirals into a depression so dean is having to deal with that as well as sam.  Eventually he manages to pry the coat from Ray to wash it and when she wakes and finds it missing she flips out.  When Dean brings it back she flips out on him and punches him square in the face for it.  It was the first time she had a spark back and it seems to help get her going again.

They get sam settled into the hospital and then they start trying to find answers.  Eventually they hear about Emmanuel and go for him.  When they arrive to find it’s cas, Rachael feels like the world is crumbling from under her all over again.  Ray wants to give up but Dean keeps pushing for her to just help for Sam.  The ride back is the worst time of her life.  She has to sit in the back pretending she isn’t in love with him.

Emmanuel being the clever thing he is picks up on her pain and they discuss her lost love.  He attempts to comfort her.  her but he knows he reminds her of that man which makes him feel horrible.  Of course before they can get too far into it Dean stops for things and soon he returns with Meg!  She won’t shut up and eventually her and Meg start to fight.  Dean pulls that dad card ‘i will pull this car over’  after this threat a few times he does and Cas is moved to sit with Meg who proceeds to flirt with him.

By the time the reach the hospital Rachael is fuming  She wants to kill Meg but Dean stops her more than once from attacking Meg.  As dean referees them Cas or Emmanuel begins to doubt himself.  That he can stop demons. Meg does her pep talk and that’s when Ray just loses it. She runs over to Cas and just kisses him for a second time.  In that moment it all clicks into place.  When he pulls away he whispers her name for going to repent and fix sam despite ray begging him not to.

Thus Crazy!Cas appears.  Meg becomes the nurse and ray sticks around to be close to him. She stops hunting and begins to live normally.  She comes to see Castiel every day.  At first he just sleeps trying to deal with the trauma of everything.  She talks to him and tells him stories that he sees in his dreams.  It’s his sort of escape.  Eventually he wakes and then he and ray spend time together.  They color and play games and Meg does not approve.  She is often using her rouse as his nurse to get ray to leave and such.  Cas hating conflict leaves every time they bicker and ray is forced to follow her rules or be kicked out.

Things remain this way for some time till the tablet surfaces and then once again she is pulled back into hunting.  Cas leaves them for a bit instead focusing on other things while Ray tries to keep the world from falling apart all over again.  With Dick Roman and everything else she just is trying to make it through this and hopefully get a chance to be with Cas before it’s too late.

Eventually they all come together in the cabin where Meg continues to get close to Cas much to Ray’s dismay but she swallows her feelings.  As much as it hurts her she is only wants Cas to be happy even if it means she won’t be happy.  She accepts that but when the angels appear and threaten Cas Ray moves to defend him and nearly gets killed.  Cas snaps out of it then and that’s when he becomes the cas she knows and loves.

When the angels are finished with she and Cas face that they are about to have to say goodbye again.  Cas takes the chance to be alone with Ray and they share in their first night together.  Cas believing that he won’t see her again and that this is the end for her decides that some risks are worth taking and Rachael gets pregnant unbeknownst to her at this point in time.

The next day Ray wakes up and Cas is gone.  He leaves not wanting her to be a part of it.  While she is trying to figure out how to get to dean, Cas is there at impala telling dean what happened.  It’s then he realizes he made a HUGE mistake risking Rachael like that.  He confides in Dean and they fight but there is no time to handle that situation because the plan is in motion and they have to take down dick.

When Rachael finally gets there it’s too late.  Sam is the only one still there so they cry together a lot.  After that she knows what this means and she says bye to sam too. For a brief moment she got away from this life and he should too.  Sam leaves but Ray is determined.  She won’t give up.  She starts looking for answers however she can.

When Rachael discovers she is pregnant it seems to make her more determined to find cas but things go wrong and only a few weeks she loses the baby.  It’s absolutely heartbreaking to her.  That’s when she goes to Bobby to let him know everything and that’s when she sees Dean.  She hugs him then asks about Cas.

He won’t be completely honest with her about it but then he asks about the baby. she tells him about what happened.  They both realize Cas may never know and share some drinks before setting off to get Sammy back.

Ray remains with the boys helping with Kevin and trying to make the best of things.  She focuses on anything to keep her mind off of Cas. 

They work on trying to rebuild but that’s when Dean starts seeing Cas.  Now out the angel is watching trying to figure out if he ruined Ray’s life.  Eventually he shows up at the motel and ray opens the door to see him and it’s the best feeling in the world.  There are kisses and whispered ‘i love yous’ till Dean butts in and talks about how he looks.  Ray takes him to the bathroom where she helps him get cleaned up. He knows what happened and he cries mourning the loss with her.  Following this he is much more gentle and they have a very steamy shower which cause the boys to leave the motel room for awhile because well ray is vocal.

Cas works hard on proving himself and eventually when he decides to take a break Ray stays with Cas knowing that she belongs wherever he is.  Cas keeps to his word watching over Fred as he and Ray attempt to salvage some sense of normalcy.  They even get a place together for awhile but Cas can’t stop for whatever reason leaves to take care of other things leaving her behind.

Some time passes and when he doesn’t return Rachael fears the worst and goes to dean.  She reunites with the boys just before they go to save meg.  It’s there she sees Cas again but something is off with him.  It’s during that fight with Dean for the first time she is scared of Castiel.  Ray doesn’t know exactly what it was but Cas broke free.  Cas fixes Dean and tells Sam he will help and finally they are all together again.  For awhile at least.

Ray and Cas then move into the bunker.  At first dean is under the impression they will have their own rooms but both are very clear that they are together.  Sam isn’t surprised at all by the news and congratulate them.  At the bunker Ray is quick to make their room a cozy little get away. She makes things perfect for them.  For years she has been collecting pictures and other things that are special to her she can finally display proudly.

As a gift Cas gives her a box with Enochian symbols carved into it.  It’s special and only she can open it.  Inside he has been collecting his feathers that had molted to give to her.  There she puts lots of little treasures like the bottle cap from the bar Cas and her shared their first drink and such.

After a silly argument Rachael goes to a bar where she is being flirted with by some sleazy guys. Cas shows up to talk with Ray to find this. Ray clearly wants to 've with cas but the idiot frat boys continue to get rowdy with cas and proceed to touch Ray inappropriately. In a quake of anger Castiel's wings materialise and Ray sees them for the first time. After a fight cas takes Ray to a motel where they both learn about their wing!kink.

In the aftermath of that, Ray wakes to find Dean in their room while Cas' wings are out. Upset by this Rachael gets jealous and yells at the boys. Cas reacts leading to an even bigger fight than before. When he yells some hurtful things at her then disappears, Ray leaves taking time to decide may be she isn't what he wants or needs. Of course she is wrong and they boys find her in order to show her how much cas does need her.

Ray and Cas have a lot to make up for so they both focused on researching about how to finish the trails which leads to kidnapping Crowely which is a shame cause all in all Ray thought he was the most decent demon she had met. Cas leaves now and then handling other things but because Cas is so afraid she agrees to stay behind.  She doesn’t know it but Cas is working to help Metatron.

As Sam is trying to finish those trails something goes wrong.  Ray feels it in her bones.  She doesn’t know exactly what it is so she goes to find answers.  Stepping outside of the bunker she sees the fallen angels knowing just what they are because of Castiel telling her stories.  There are hundreds and instantly she knows this is only the start of something very big.

Now panicked Ray attempts to get in touch with the boys but there is nothing.  Some time later dean calls and Ray races against the clock to get to Sam.  Soon she arrives at the hospital but they are being hunted by angels.  Ray does her best to act as bait giving Dean and Sam time to figure things out.

As Rachael is struggling to help the boys, Cas is facing his own hell trying to get back to Rachael knowing he messed up.

Soon they return to the bunker and it’s there when Cas gets in touch with them explaining he is now human.  Rachael freaks out and despite dean’s objections sets out to find cas and bring him back.  The problem is, Cas knows nothing of what to do and he doesn’t leave enough information for Ray to actually find him.  She is pretty much making things up as she goes.  Dean eventually runs into her and with the help of the angel in sam they go to find Cas.

Cas only have the examples he has, when he meets this woman April he thinks sex is a smart way to be gracious.  After all when he does nice things for ray it leads to sex.  The hunters basically storm the apartment to find Cas hurt and a fight ensues.  Rachael gets knocked out and wakes to Castiel fussing over her.  Considering he was the one hurt she didn’t think that was the best idea.

They share a kiss but when she pulls away she notices signs of his night with April.  Rachael is completely devastated that he cheated but Cas is pretty clueless.  Not sensing the change or anything till she refuses to sit with him.  Sam takes the backseat for the ride back.  Confused and hurt Cas snaps at ray but it leads to her crying and she blurts out that he fucked someone else.

The boys are completely shocked because they didn’t know he had game.  Dean still couldn’t believe he got Ray let alone another girl. When they reach the bunker Ray storms off locking him out of their room which only upsets Cas more.  That’s when Dean has to explain what he did wrong.  Cas feels horrible and things only get worse as dean informs him that he can’t stay.

Ray had been listening and when dean proceeds to kick him out Ray loses it.  There is a huge fight and Cas has to step him and pick Ray up cause she is ready to kill the eldest Winchester.  He takes her to their room and tells her this is his fault and he deserves it.  While he is struggling he notices Rachael is packing up her things.  Confused he tries to stop her and that’s when Ray says that no matter what it’s them against the world.

After getting the most important things they leave with no where in mind to go but Ray doesn’t care so long as they are together.  Eventually they find an apartment and once again they attempt to have a life outside of hunting.  Cas now called Steve finds a job because humans work and they work on finding some peace in it.  At first Cas feeling guilty struggles to get close to Rachael again but they slowly work toward it and discuss possibly having a family.  While he wants it, he can’t bring himself to put his child at risk.

Things are finally falling into place. Ray is actually loving them being alone and enjoying a simple life that is until Dean comes back into their lives.  In one second she knows that this won’t work.  Cas says he will stay but she knows he won’t be happy with this.  She and Cas talk and she agrees that they need to fix heaven together and thus they start on a mission to fix things for all of them.

Cas knowing he has Rachael’s trust and help sets out to do what he must.  He prays and thus learns the truth about angels dying and everything else.  After getting captured he finds a way to escape killing theo and taking his graces.  He knows this could kill him but he knows Ray will never be safe with an angel in Sam and everything else so he has to fix it.

He comes back to ray then explains everything.  The borrowed grace, sam and the angel and everything else. They begin to rally gathering angels behind him.  Hannah being one who is extremely close.  Rachael can tell her feelings are deeper but Cas seems clueless about it only focusing on the task at hand. 

Being a good leader, the angels believe in him but doubt Ray.  He makes it clear she is there for everything and involves Rachael with every plan.  Rachael only being human acts as a strategist for the angels helping them prepare. But things turn as Gadreel and Metatron set Cas up making the angels turn on him.

Things get more hectic before they get better but eventually Cas fixes heaven and reveals the truth about Metatron.  The angels then look upon him as their leader once more and Cas makes the humble decision to spare Metatron and lock him away instead of killing him.

In the aftermath of that, Dean is now missing Cas is dying and Ray is struggling to keep faith.  Hannah remains close to Cas going as far as to try to be more human like Cas.  She tends to lack the ability to read social cues leading to some uncomfortable moments but Cas is learning to stand up for Ray drawing the line with Hannah while still keeping her close which leads Hannah to express that angels aren’t meant to be like humans while Cas disagrees.  After all he knows the love he feels for Ray.

They continue to travel but Cas is declining every day.  It’s then they run into a angry Adina.  Ready to kill, Crowley shows up and manages to save them and give the fading Cas her grace giving him more time.  In exchange for his help he asks Cas to take care of Dean and thus that is the next step.

After far too long they are back home at the bunker and Sam sets out to cure the now demon Dean.  Ray remains out of it because she just can’t see her best friend in such pain.  Things go awry and Dean gets free.  He ends up hunting Sam and Rachael.  The restored Demon!Dean hurts Rachael badly.  As she is bleeding on the floor he feels he has won but Castiel manages to stop him and they can preform the ritual again.  As Sam tends to his brother Cas hurries to Ray but she refuses to let him heal her.  Not wanting him to waste the grace.

As Dean is becoming human, Cas is working on caring for Rachael as if he were human again which is driving him insane.  As she sleeps he infuses a little grace at a time to help heal her just enough that she won’t notice.   During the recovery Cas insists they take time off to heal.  Things have settled and it’s time.

Dean of course can’t do that especially with the mark remaining on his skin.  Their first hunt Ray sits out of but when they return from dealing with the werewolf cas another one gets their attention.  As Cas works doing what he does Ray begs to come along just to get out.  It’s then she finds the most wonderful musical about the boys.  It’s then the boys learn ray not only read the books but enjoys their fanfiction and totally ships certain things.  Ray is far too amused by the play and Dean does not approve especially considering the whole Destiel thing but Ray loves it.  Aside from her being largely hated and ignored because it messes with their ship.  Still she doesn’t care cause the books don’t continue but they do and she gets the angel anyways.

After that case Ray returns to the bunker where cas is waiting and displeased she left.  Ray pouts explaining she is going crazy inside and she rejoins Hannah and Cas as they track down rogue angels.  During their travels ray tells Cas about the musical and has to go over it a few times before he realizes the underlining meaning about Destiel.  Cas is a bit embarrassed by it which ray finds adorable.  She wants so much to show him but with a third wheel what they can do is pretty limited.  Though after witnessing a kiss between the two, Hannah tries her own hand at kissing Cas which leads to some tension.

Shortly after the kiss, Hannah’s vessel’s husband tracks them down assuming the worse but it’s a wake up call for Hannah and she decides it’s time to go allowing Caroline to return home.  This stirs up a lot for Cas and he expresses he hadn’t thought much over how he affected Jimmy’s life.  With Ray’s help they begin to look for answers.

They two eventually find Claire who is angry with cas for ruining his family.  They attempt to get Claire out of the group home but it doesn’t work so cas resorts to breaking her out without Ray’s help.  She runs off and in a panic he turns to Dean not wanting Ray to know he messed up again.  Of course Dean showing up let’s her know something is wrong and they have to work to find Claire.  When they discover what a mess she is in, Dean loses control and takes out the loan shark and all of his men.

Now realizing that the mark could act up at any time they all know they have to fix it.  Castiel being impulsive as he is makes a decision of his own then leaves to retrieve Metatron so they can fix it.  The boys work through that as Ray works to get through to Claire who is running from them.  Eventually she finds her but not till she has listened to the wrong people. Thankfully she comes to her sense and Ray talks with her.  Knowing what it’s like to be a teen.  Cas comes to say his goodbyes and the part on good terms. 

feeling better about things Cas and Ray take a bit of time to themselves and Ray confides that she liked taking care of Claire.  Cas begins to realize Ray craves more.  She wants a family with him but he knows it’s not the right time so he works on taking his time to appreciate her.  Show her how much he cares even if he can’t give her a child... Yet.

The time is short however because they both set back to work on figuring things out with Dean.  They can’t give up.  Cas is very careful to leave Rachael out of as much as possible but when he does completely keep her out of the hunt she finds her own or goes to the boys so he is left with no choice but to have her come with him.

Cas manages to keep Ray in the dark till after his conversation with Sam.  He returns to Ray explaining he now has the first blade and everything that is going on.  Ray feels a bit defeated but she believes in Cas and she expresses that telling him that Cas is their angel and he will found a way like he always does.

Sam enlists Cas’ help along with others to fix Dean they both decide to leave Ray in the dark knowing her close bond with Dean could lead to her telling him.  As Cas grows secretive Ray becomes worried again leading to a confrontation where Ray asks him if he wants to be with her.  Cas is very upset by the question and he leaves.  Ray had gotten use Cas pulling those stunts.

This time is was along few days and Ray prayed to him over and over.  He came to her thinking she was asleep but she turned to take his hand begging him not to go. He laid with her and he admitted what was going on.  She was a bit angry with him but he was there which was all she wanted.  She agrees not to get involved but she says she won’t lie to dean either so she spends a lot of time avoiding him.

Following this Metatron mentions Cas’ grace and he tells ray about it.  She encourages him to go after it and she remains behind in the bunker alone.  When cas returns he is proud to tell her he is fully himself again.  After celebrating they work from there.

When Claire is distressed they all go to her rescue and they must face what happened to Jimmy and how it tore apart his family.  They end up facing some angels but through it they were able to bring Amelia to Jimmy in heaven.  Through this Claire finally figures Sam and Dean for what they did to her family and she sets out to follow after her surrogate fathers becoming a hunter.  Ray and her share a brief moment where she tells her she did it because of Dean too and that they girls needed to stick together leaving Cas a bit confused to what Ray meant by that.

A successful mission for a change leaves Ray feeling especially positive.  they head back and ray is feeling lighter than ever.  She just kind of focused herself on the good. As Ray attempted to distract herself things go wrong fast.

Charlie’s death sends dean into spin out of control.  He attacks Cas and he is sure it will be the end and he doesn’t get to tell Ray goodbye who is clueless to what is going on.  It’s not till Sam calls her that she finds out about everything.  In a panic she attempts to get ahold of the boys but nothing.  She spends an excruciating amount of time waiting unsure of what to do.

A couple days go by and ray is completely clueless when finally Cas comes to the bunker struggling to keep control.  Ray tries to help but he orders her to stay back.  She is panicking but the boys come back and he finally explains about Rowena’s spells.  That’s all they need to know and they set out to fix Cas.  Ray also has it in her mind she will kill rowena for making Castiel suffer.

Tracking her down was the easy part. She had gotten herself into trouble.  It had been a whole mess but Dean managed to keep Cas from hurting anyone and they could protect rowena.  She broke the spell but escaped before ray could get even.  Ray was very bitter about it but having Cas back was all she wanted anyways.

After a traumatic event Ray insists she and Cas go back to the bunker for awhile so he can recover.  They remain there for awhile while the boys hunt.  Cas works to do some research so he can still feel useful but it’s not enough.  Cas knows he can’t sit there and do nothing.  Despite Rachael’s pleas to wait.

When he returns he has that weasel with him yet again.  Ray does not like Metatron but she supports Cas through it allowing him to do what’s best. Getting the information from him Cas decides to allow Metatron to leave and it leaves the bunker tense.  Ray is starting to feel Cas doesn’t listen to her at all and everything she thinks is largely ignored so ray set out to do her own thing for a bit.

Cas unable to just pop in where he wants whenever struggles with the fact Ray leaves.  After a few days without her checking in Cas calls in some favors to find her and eventually he learns she has been under the spell of a djinn. Cas manages to take out the djinn.  When she comes to Cas ask her what she saw.  She refuses to talk about it.  Eventually he gets very invasive and sees for himself.  In the dream world Cas was heartbroken to see the dream world didn’t involve them being together.  Instead he was with Dean and happy.

He later attempt to discuss it with her but Rachael refuses.  They return to the boys in time to go to the cage with Rowena.  Cas makes sure to keep himself between Ray and Rowena at all times.  They leave but Cas stays back.  Ray goes with the boys for the time being.

Later back at the bunker Cas comes in and his behavior is odd.  It seems like Ray is the only one that notices but his blatant flirting tells her it’s not cas.  She quickly realizes he said yes to Lucifer which makes her angry.  She is stuck dealing with Lucifer and his flirting.  Ray keeps at the bunker babysitting the arch for the time being.

Discovering it’s it’s not Casifer Dean wants to get him back.  He and Ray come up with a plan.  Ray begins to flirt with Lucifer trying to get Cas to come out but he is very determined to hide in his head.  Ray doesn’t know it but Cas is fighting a lot with Lucifer not keen on the idea of his brother flirting with his MATE.  This is the first time Cas has said it to anyone and let it be known just how deeply he cares about Rachael.

The discovery that Chuck is God doesn’t come as a complete shock to Rachael.  She is angry though and yells at him which makes Lucifer proud.  He comments that Cas picked a good mate.   Rachael blushed at that feeling quite proud of herself.

With Chuck still staying there he and Ray have a chance to talk.  He talks about how he always knew Cas would fall for her.  Him dying seemed to do wonders for Ray but it was horrible for the rest of the world.  She asked Chuck to speak with Cas at some point because she knew he struggled with his choices but the talk was cut short by Lucifer wanting his attention.

Soon they all begin to rally together trying to come up with a plan.  Bringing together everyone they go to face Amara but it doesn’t work.  Most of them manage to get out alive returning to the bunker to lick their wounds.  Luckily Cas was back and Ray was determined to spend every moment she can with him having accepted the fate they were all very much doomed.

As a last act of desperation they began to gather souls acting as a bomb.  It meant using Dean.  After some very painful goodbyes Cas offers to go with Dean but Dean tells him he has a girl to look after.  He leaves and all that is left is to wait. And because Ray is unsure of if this will work she asks Cas to go somewhere just the two of them.

Somehow when Chuck makes up with his sister Cas knows and he shares this with Ray.  Happily they rejoice together but he does have a stern talking to about her flirting with her brother and they make up soon before making the trek back to the bunker to find the boys and make sure Dean is okay.

Sadly the reunion isn’t sweet.  Instead they find Sam missing and Dean there with Mary.  It leads to some confusion but together they eventually find Sam thus learning about the BMOL. This event sets things into a downward spiral.

They boys are left to deal with that as Cas sets out to track down Lucifer.  Cas being new to all of this she goes to assist Cas helping him with the whole FBI thing and everything.  During their trip they end up getting help from Crowley.  And it leads to some weird tension especially since Ray doesn’t despise the demon.  She is kind of fond of Crowley.  He is selfish but he had pulled through from the more than once.

The unlikely trio continued tracking down leads and eventually meet up with the boys in Cali now knowing Lucifer’s temporary vessel. They come up with a plan but when they crash the concert Lucifer doesn’t like it and kills many bystanders before injuring Cas and Crowley before slipping through the Winchester’s grasp.  

Shortly after their defeat something is wrong.  Cas feels it in his grace and he informs them that Lucifer has broken the rule.  There is a Nephilim created.  They all set out to stop this before it happens.  They find Kelly Kline and Rowena, Cas and Crowley try to talk sense into her and she agrees to go but she slips from Cas the moment she can leaving Cas feeling worried.

Ray knows how much it hurts Cas that he failed again and she attempt to express how proud she is of him.  They decide to go home and it’s then they find out the boys are missing.

With the boys gone monsters are going crazy.  Cas sees how much they are needed.  He can’t seem to really focus and Rachael takes it upon herself to leave to hunt trying to keep things at bay for the time being against Cas’ wishes.

After Dean contacts the Cas he calls Ray and they meet up to try to help the boys out. When they reunite Billie is there saying she is owed the soul of a Winchester.  The boys both say they will go and much to her surprise Mary offers but in the heat of things Cas kills Billie which pisses ray off cause those things always come back to bite them in the ass.  The ride from there is long and tense and ray won’t talk Cas.

They continue to give one another the silent treatment with him being short with the boy and generally in a bad mood so when Ishim comes things are tense. Hearing Cas past and the humans she finds herself quite sad about it all.  That’s when she swallows her pride and reaches for his hand.  They don’t talk about it but they both just know and that’s how they make up with each other.

The more they dig the truth comes out about the human and the mistakes made. Knowing Ishim killed his brother and an innocent angel they confront him.  Ishim easily defeats the Winchesters and Ray but when he goes to kill Lily, Cas kills him before telling Lily he is sorry for his part.  She has a chance to kill him but Ray gets up and defends him explaining he learned.  That Cas loves her.  Lily parts giving up her revenge. Ray is very proud of him and tells him that and how much she loves him.

The boys depart for a case and Ray works trying to track down leads on Kelly with Cas.  They are travelling for awhile but eventually they come together to assist Mary in a hunt, though Rachael is not fond of Mary and let’s that be known.  It leads to Ray and Dean fighting and Castiel is put in the middle.  Because Mary abandons the boys upon her return and finding out about her causing everything and hiding her life from John Ray believes she just isn’t a good woman.  Dean reminds her she has no right and it gets very ugly.  Cas being the middle man tries to maintain peace the best he can.  Opting to avoid the whole mess so Sam can deal with it.

At the diner while they are discuss the case Dean makes a few jabs at Ray even going as far to help the waitress hit on Cas.  Cas then is forced to side with Ray.  Going into the hunt things are tense but it only gets worse when they find out this wasn’t any demon.  Crowley shows up to tell them about the Knights of Hell and there is no saving Cas who has been stabbed and slowly dying Rachael is upset.  Being the stubborn thing he is tells them to go but Ray has already told him again and again they were in it together.  She’d rather die there with him then run.  After Cas says he loves the boys he and ray share a very tender kiss before Ramiel returns going on about stolen things.  Sam uses the Lance of Michael killing Ramiel.  Crowley figures out the secret is in the runes and breaks the Lance saving Cas yet again.  Ray being grateful as she is thanks Crowley with a kiss to the cheek which leads to a talk with Dean about her being too risky.

Ray and Dean are still having problems causing Cas to step up on Ray’s behalf and try to make things right.  He smooths things over pointing out Ray had not been wrong and Dean most deal with that while Ray continues to try to search for Kelly.

When they find Kelly has been taking by a knight of hell he tells Ray he has to go back to Heaven.  She is at first against it but returns to the bunker allowing him to do what he has to.  Later the boys return to the bunker and tell Ray about Mick and such.  Ray feeling a bit torn about the situation decides to go with them on some cases.  Letting Cas know via text.

The boys get a lead on Kelly and when they hear nothing from Cas they meet with Eileen to see for themselves.  Mick brings the Colt along but things go wrong and it’s learned that killing a K.O.H isn’t going to happen.  Dagon escapes with Kelly leaving them to all regroup.  

Cas finally comes back from heaven having been gone for weeks.  Ray is relieved and angry.  She is very happy and asks him to stay but he doesn’t.  He has decided to side with the angels leaving Rachael and the boys after taking the colt.  Dean realizes this and they go to find Cas.  They end up once again facing Dagon who destroys the colt.  That’s when the baby possesses Castiel allowing him to destroy Dagon and restoring Cas fully and fixing his wings in the process.

Having seen ‘the future’, Cas decides to go with Kelly but not before stopping the boys in ray.  They awake disoriented.  Once again Cas has left Ray and she is angry and hurt.  After everything and her supporting him he turns his back on her.

While Cas plays house with Kelly, Ray decides she is done with it all and leaves the bunker but she leaves communication up for the boys.  Ray has moved on with her life.  Or at least tried but with everything going on the have missed something big.  Ray is pregnant.  No one knows and when Dean calls telling them about finding Kelly and the baby.  At first Rachael refuses to go but shows up much later to find Cas dead.  His wings burned into the ground.  Ray cries a lot mourning the loss of Cas.

She leaves the boys returning to the normal life she has made. The boys attempt to respect that the best they can.  But when Cas comes back from the void Jack notices his ‘father’ is so upset he gets ray and brings her back to the bunker.  Seeing Cas is a jolt for Ray.  They share in a very heated moment in front  of Jack who is curious but dean breaks it up.

Not wanting a moment apart Ray remains close to Cas.  As they are talking Jack casually points out Rachael is pregnant and she is about a third of the way through her pregnancy.  Dean does NOT take it well already seeing what happened to Kelly and with Jack.  Ray on the other hand is overjoyed and Jack decides he is going to be a good big brother and protect his baby sibling and Rachael so they don’t have to grow up too quick like he had to.

[icariamusing]

CHARACTER BASICS

FACECLAIM: Jared Padalecki

NAME: Elijah Roman

AGE: Thirty-Three

BIRTHDAY: January 16th, 1987

OCCUPATION: Owner and CEO of Roman Enterprise

HOMETOWN: Seattle, Washington

PETS: A golden Retriever named Roulette

POWERS

Tychokinesis (Probability/ Luck Manipulation & Combat)

BIOGRAPHY

Elijah John Roman was born Elijah John Adams to Donna Adams and the god of Luck and Probability Karios. Donna was one of those humans trusted with Greek God affairs- which is how she eventually found herself in one with the god Kairos. Their fling was short-lived, but it did result in the birth of their son Eli. At first things seemed great, and Donna was over the moon to be a mother. For the first few years things went well for the business woman turned mother, however after Eli turned 4 things started to go downhill. The stresses of her jobs and the constant demands of being a mother began to wear her down. It wasn’t that she was abusive mother, but she was highly neglectful towards her son as she tried to get back into work and her image as a socialite. Kairos would check in on his son periodically, but was never able to truly intervene to raise his son due to the rules of the gods. As luck would have it, Donna would again find another suitor in her work as a god advisor- the god Dionoysus, which she eventually found herself pregnant by. By the time Donna had given birth to her second child, she’d begun to experiment heavily with drugs and alcohol, eventually spiraling by the time Florence was 3 months old.

Despite his mother’s erratic and drug-induced behavior, Eli was over the moon at having a sister- someone to love and play with, so he wouldn’t feel alone. He eventually found himself taking care of Florence during his mom’s binges at the age of nearly six years old. Eventually Kairos and Dionysus caught wind of what was going on in the Adams household and were quick to remove the children from the woman’s custody. Eli and Flo soon found themselves in Icaria- and in the custody of the Roman’s. They were mortals who’d been trusted to live on Icaria to assist those in the safe haven, and could not have children of their own. They had prayed and prayed to the gods for their intervention, and were thrilled at the prospect of the blessing of not one but two children. Juliet wouldn’t hear of separating the siblings, and was quick to taken in both siblings when they were offered the opportunity. The family was well off and quite a pair- a total 180 to the life Eli had grown up with in his early childhood.

Although they were now in a safe environment, Eli couldn’t help but still be protective of his baby sister. It took a long time, and some counseling, but eventually Eli was able to learn to trust, and eventually love, his new parents. A small part of him always wondered about his biological mother, but he refused to ever have anything to do with her. The Roman’s did everything they could to provide for their new children, and everything that Donna hadn’t. They went to great schools on the island, were put in extracurriculars to learn skills and to learn their powers, and were treated as if they were Juliet and Peter’s own flesh and blood. Through spending time with his adoptive father, Eli learned a love of building and construction. It was something that brought him joy as he learned to build new things. This is what eventually led with him going to college for business and construction. With the help of his powers and his families ties, he was able to continue this passion interning at other successful businesses and into creating his own. It took years of hard work but he eventually developed a wildly successful and international business for real-estate and construction, Roman Enterprise- something he felt so much pride in.

Throughout growing up, and even into college and traveling for work, Eli never stopped caring and worrying about his sister. They two had an inseparable bond, and if there was anyone that Eli would do anything for-it was his sister.  Throughout his success, he tried to include her in it as much as possible. He had tried to give her jobs within the company, continues to give her allowances for her to live a lavish lifestyle, and never went a single day without talking to her. Even as Eli began to see her going down the same path that their mother did during her time of excessive partying, he refused to give up on her. Eventually through tough love and the resources his money could by, he was able to set her back on a good path. He still worries about her, and the possibility of her falling back into their mother’s footsteps, but he trusts that he would be the first to know if it got that bad again.

Eli always considered Icaria his home, having grown up there since he was six years old. Even during his travels for business, he always tried to capitalize his time on the island with his family, friends, and most importantly his sister. Icaria was where he learned his skills and where his business took off, so he tries to give back and work with other local businesses as much as possible. Lately he’d been caught up in deals in America, but once he heard about those in town going missing, he began to fear for his family’s safety and quickly made arrangements to go back. He has been back in town for the last few months, to not only protect his town- but ensure that he keeps his sister and those he loves safe.

JESS| SHE/HER | TWENTY-FOUR | CENTRAL

[chicagocityofclans]

Robert J. Fischer → Charlie Webber, Justin Theroux, Alexander Skarsgård, Aly Michalka → Human Shifter

→ Basic Information

Age: 297

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Birthday: May 29

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

Religion: Christian

→ His Personality

Robert is thoroughly a product of his upbringing. A smooth con artist mother plus her clingy husband, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Seeing his mother die at the hands of his father, and then his father’s subsequent death has left a scar in Robert’s psyche that often makes it difficult to form long term romantic connections. He’s terrified of marriage and has walked away many times from relationships that became too serious. Despite this, Robert at his core is lonely. He hates being alone, and loved living with his three best friends. He currently finds his apartment deafeningly quiet and a miserable place to be. Being the child of millionaires, created an ego in Robert, one that he has tamed enough to listen to others and not immediately assume he’s the only right one.  

Robert is a very suave individual, able to talk to anyone and sweet talk his way into their hearts. His ability to shift like a chameleon and mirror other’s abilities goes far beyond many human shifters. Another way he draws people in is with his passionate ideals, often spoken loudly, and a desire to make positive change in people. He regularly puts his money where his mouth is, and has funded numerous improvement projects in various low income communities. He very much enjoys spending his money on people and has a generous spirit. Despite any and all flaws that Robert may have, he is a great friend, it is clear he cares for everyone’s well being and is a great support system. Robert will occasionally surprise his friends with expensive gifts, despite the fact that as a whole human shifters rarely need it.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Political Candidate for Mayor

Scars: None

Tattoos: None

Two Likes: Cocktail parties and Arguing

Two Dislikes: Pinstripe suits and Being the last one at a party

Two Fears: Marriage and Guns

Two Hobbies: Rugby and Chess

Three Positive Traits: Suave, Passionate, Generous

Three Negative Traits: Egotistical, Repressed, Lonely

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Eloise Fischer (Mother): Eloise Fischer was one of the greatest conwomen of her time. Seamlessly stealing faces and heart, becoming very wealthy in a short amount of time. She taught him how to charm and schmooze his way to whatever he wanted.

Michael Fischer (Father): Michael Fischer was the sad sack that fell in love with Eloise. A powerful human shifter himself, he always played second fiddle to her games. Michael murdered Eloise over these games, and then himself, leaving Robert with a complex and a lot of money.

Sibling Names:

None

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

None

Platonic Connections:

Churchill Darling (Best Friend): Church and Robert clicked as soon as they met unexpectedly. While their histories are nowhere near the same, they both enjoyed taking faces and living as the person they wear. Robert, Churchill, Vincent and Patch all shared one apartment until recently, when Robert was tasked with running for mayor. Robert misses his best buddies but has an unknown form (Alexander Skarsgård) designated for hanging out and having fun.

Vincent Kane (Best Friend): Vincent and Robert grew up together. In the past they would take on sibling forms and live as brothers. Robert, Churchill, Vincent and Patch all shared one apartment until recently, when Robert was tasked with running for mayor. Robert misses his best buddies but has an unknown form (Alexander Skarsgård) designated for hanging out and having fun.

Jev ‘Patch’ Cipriano (Best Friend): Patch is a godsend and a joy to be around. Robert feels as if Patch is the younger brother his parents never had the chance to give him. It’s a plus that Patch’s parents love and care for Robert also. Robert, Churchill, Vincent and Patch all shared one apartment until recently, when Robert was tasked with running for mayor. Robert misses his best buddies but has an unknown form (Alexander Skarsgård) designated for hanging out and having fun.

Sirius Cobic (Old Friend): Robert has known Sirius his entire life. Robert was destroyed by his mother's death. He was acting recklessly, needlessly spending money and spiraling out of control. Sirius pulled Robert out of his reckless depression and straightened him out. Sirius then took Robert under his wings.

Douglas Gish (Good Friend): Douglas is a good time walking. He always knows he can rely on him to be there at a moment's notice. They were partners for a while when they both worked the beat. Though they were only together for a decade, the two formed a lifelong bond.

D.W. Colt (Good Friend): When Robert found himself in the advocacy track for a decade, D.W. trained him and tapped into some of the very repressed aspects of his personality. She showed him how to connect to the victims and he credits this for his impeccable listening skills. Robert didn’t last his typical full decade as an advocate, due to getting too invested with his cases, especially those involving familial murder and femicide. This was his last job in the police and law sector before he and Sirius decided he should run for office. He credits D.W. with a lot of his growth, but is very worried for her. The Colts are vicious and he can’t lose her to their violence.

Arthur ‘Art’ Milligan Jr. (Friend): Art and Robert worked together in the 1970s investigating the Chicago Outfit. They took a few mobsters out in their time, but it never really held interest for Robert. Art was a good partner and friend. They don’t get to speak as much lately, but Arthur always attends his retirement parties.

Winston ‘Sticks’ Abioye (Friend): Winston and Robert partnered up during the 60s on Homicide. They had a prolific career and caught, at the time, the largest number of suspects. It was a wild ride, and their energies often boosted one another up. He was sad to see his time in Homicide end, but he knew if he stayed he’d regret it eventually. Winston regularly gets an invite when the boys hang out together.

Shannon Harris (Media Consultant): Shannon is quieter, but has a good perception of public image. She is genuinely a very likable person which has reflected well on himself and his campaign. In addition to keeping Vee on as an advisor, he’d like to tempt Shannon to stay too.

Vanessa Stone (Campaign Manager): Vee is a spitfire. Always ready to argue her point to the death, she is prepared to stand firm in her beliefs until you go to her side. He’s found that hearing her idea out often gives him a better insight to the population he’ll be running soon, and has caused him to change his mind on a few issues.

Katherine King (Finance Consultant): Katherine is good at handling the finances. He wasn’t sure if there’d be a member of the Jackals he could trust with the job, but she’s doing well. It’s even better that she never asks where the money is coming from and simply does her job.

Greta Bow (Friend): Robert has a lot of money, and enjoys spending it on people. Greta is one of his favorites to surprise with something. She never expects it and her face lights up when she sees whatever it is.

Hostile Connections:

Colin Colt (Dislike): Robert is aware of D.W’s undercover status with the Colt Hunter Family. He is absolutely disgusted with Colin and thinks he is an idiot.

Roman Cleirigh (Dislike): Roman is known for selling drugs to supernaturals and some of them have made it into the hands of humans. When Robert worked in narcotics in the 1980s, he ran into a lot of problems with Roman and tried to take him down by the book. It failed and Robert was a target of the entire Cleirigh clan. Every now and again, Robert believes he’s being haunted or stalked.

Jim Montgomery (Dislike): Jim has no respect for boundaries and neither does the rats who work under him. Robert had heard that the rats have truces with the Jackal and Cat clans about work spaces and some homes. He tried to talk to Jim once in public and it ended with Robert’s car, clothes, and shoes being bugged.

Jaxson Idris (Dislike): Jaxson knows how to make Robert’s life hell and is the reason behind Robert's constant changing or retiring of forms. He found the intrusive rat watching him and a lady friend in the shower once. Robert has a low tolerance for rat shifters or rats in general and always goes in for the kill.

Pets:

None

→ History (paragraph(s) on background)

→ The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Charlie Webber  [1][2][3]

 Justin Theroux  [1]  

Alexander Skarsgård [1][2]  

Aly Michalka  [1][2]

[janietattoos]

Blindspot 30 Day Challenge

Day 1: Favourite season?

Oh my goodness. This is such a cruel question. My heart is honestly tearing apart trying to pick one.

Although I love both seasons 1 and 2 SO MUCH (and have rewatched them countless times), I think I have to go with season 2 as my favourite. And here’s why:

Season 2 was mindblowing - there’s no other word for it. The writers seriously stepped up their game, the entire season was an emotional rollercoaster, each episode was unique, and the cast/crew did such an incredible job. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m fully aware that season 2 had flaws (*cough* the handling of Nas’ character *cough*), but I’m willing to look past those flaws just this once.

Because I’m incapable of freely writing about Blindspot without flailing and rambling uncontrollably, I’m gonna split this post up into the different aspects of season 2 that I loved:

Sandstorm - I’m genuinely waiting for the day that Sandstorm start to creep into my nightmares, cause this plot completely terrified me. It was brilliant and clever and masterfully written, but it was also very very terrifying. Not to mention, Michelle Hurd completely blew me away as Mum Of The Year, aka Shepherd. Shepherd is such a complex character, and Michelle Hurd absolutely nailed it. She gave the character everything, and it showed on screen. We were constantly kept in the dark with Phase 2; we kept getting fragments of the plan, but nothing fitted together. Then, whenever everything clicked into place in the finale, I swear I didn’t breathe for a solid 5 minutes, because oh my god, it was brilliant. Awful, but brilliant. I still don’t know how the writers managed to come up with every little detail - Patterson’s tooth bug (my heart is still breaking for her on this one), Borden’s secrets, C.O.G.S, the replica of the FBI… everything. And no, don’t even get me started on the finale, cause I won’t be able to shut up about it - that was honestly the best 42 minutes of television that I’ve ever seen. Anways, massive kudos to the writers for being able to simultaneously freak me out and blow my mind.

Roman - My poor broken child. I’m so so happy about Roman’s addition to the show, and Luke Mitchell played Roman brilliantly (sidenote: his pranks with Jaimie on set make me so happy). Initially, I was unsure about how his character was going to fit in, but I needn’t have worried. His storyline this season has been wonderful - and also difficult - to watch. He captured my attention the minute he appeared on screen, and, similar to Shepherd, he terrified me to begin with. As we got to know Roman, though, I realised that he wasn’t like Shepherd at all - he was just being manipulated by her. Jane wiping Roman’s memory was a complete shock, and again, I worried how the writers were gonna play it - but I ended up loving it. Zipped Roman is a sweet, innocent creature that needs to be protected at all costs, and it broke my heart to see him spiral out of control in the final two episodes. I just hope that in season 3, he’ll find his way back to Jane and everything will be filled with happiness and rainbows. But then again, this is Blindspot, so that’s highly unlikely.

Character Development - Oh boy, we got bucketloads of this in season 2. This team is so beautiful, and so broken. Every character had a development of some sort, and each one was delicately handled and treated with the same level of importance. And yes, you’ve guessed it - I’m gonna talk about each one.

For me, Kurt’s development in season 2 was the most significant. At the end of season 1, we saw Kurt as a broken man - the woman he loves had betrayed him, his father died, his mentor died and, to top it all off, he uncovered the remains of his childhood friend. He was destroyed, and he couldn’t think clearly - hence arresting Jane and not letting her explain her actions. At the beginning of season 2, not much had changed - he was still devastated over Taylor’s confirmed death, his feelings for Jane were all over the place, and he didn’t know how to fill Mayfair’s role. But, over the season, we’ve seen him get back to the Kurt we know and loved in the early part of season 1. Although it took some time (courtesy of his fling with Nas), Kurt did eventually find his feet. He has completely settled into the role of Assistant Director, and honestly? He’s kicking ass right now. As a boss, he’s stern when he needs to be, but at the same time, he cares deeply about his team and he’s ready to help them whenever they break. He’s also finally back on track with Jane, after a painstakingly long journey of hurt and mistrust. And, ladies and gentlemen, HIS WALLS ARE DOWN. I still cannot get over how significant that is. I’m just so so proud of him, and his journey throughout season 2 was a joy to watch.

Patterson struggled to catch a break in season 2, didn’t she? Seriously though, her storyline really stood out to me. Patterson is a precious angel who deserves all the happiness in the world, but in season 2, she struggled to find things to be happy about. Ashley Johnson was incredible, I still can’t get over how good she was. Everything Patterson has been through - David’s death (which I still struggle to watch), Borden’s violation and betrayl, the bug in her tooth - it’s all been awful, and honestly, I’m baffled as to how she’s still standing after all of it. Patterson is one of the strongest characters I’ve ever met, and I don’t think a character has ever broken my heart as much as she has.

Similar to Patterson, Reade’s storyline in season 2 was just so so sad, I couldn’t believe it was happening. The writers handled Reade’s child abuse plot with care, and it showed on screen. We saw him - quite literally - hit rock bottom in season 2, and for a while, I didn’t know if he was gonna get out of there. Everything in his life was spiralling out of control, and his drug abuse was making things a million times worse. But, thanks to the support of Ultimate Best Friend™ Tasha Zapata, he found his way back to normality. I really loved Reade’s storyline in season 2, but I’m also praying that he never has to go through that again.

Tasha royally deserved the title of Ultimate Best Friend™ in season 2, that’s for sure. I mean, she was looking after everyone - even Jane at one point. Again, I don’t know how she does it. And yes, she does sometimes cross the line (for example, when she stole the knife from the evidence room), but I still can’t fault her for being an incredible friend. I was a little bit disappointed that the writers didn’t continue with Tasha’s gambling addiction into season 2, but I also understand why they didn’t - there were plenty of strong plot lines, so they simply didn’t need it. Regardless, I still feel that Tasha shined her way through season 2, and Audrey Esparza was brilliant (especially in episode 20 with Ronda Rousey).

Jane, my poor baby ninja. There is literally no limit on the amount of wonderful things that I could say about Jane Doe, especially in season 2. She’s just… everything. She is without a doubt the best female character - perhaps even the best character - that I’ve ever come across. That woman is just unstoppable, and so incredibly strong - both physically and emotionally. She continously made me proud throughout season 2. I mean, she escaped single-handedly from a CIA blacksite, she got shot and continued like it was nothing, she went above and beyond to protect her brother, she began to take control of her life, and she sacrificed herself on one too many occasions. Seriously, is there anything this woman can’t do? I’m so proud of how far Jane has come since coming out of that duffle bag. She’s an unstoppable force, and she truly became her own person in season 2. Also, there are no limits as to how incredible Jaimie Alexander is - I’m constantly in awe of her in every single episode. She freaking nailed it in season 2, and I can’t wait to see where she and the writers take Jane next.

And last, but by no means least…

Jeller - Oh, the Jeller. We were truly blessed in season 2, weren’t we? I still haven’t recovered from everything that happened between those two during the second season, and I don’t think I ever will. They’re just… gah, they’re everything. EVERYTHING.

They were truly broken at the end of season 1, to the point where I didn’t know if their relationship (and more importantly, their friendship) could be salvaged. But, in the space of 21 episodes, we (somehow) went from Kurt saying “I don’t like being in the same room as her” to “I love you, Jane”. Even though it was a ridiculously long and heartbreaking process, they managed to save their friendship, re-earn each other’s trust, and eventually admit their feelings to each other. And it was goddamn beautiful. I’m usually not a fan of writers dragging out ships, but Jane and Kurt’s case is special - it wasn’t dragged out for the sake of anticipation, it was dragged out because it needed to be. They needed time to heal. The season premiere was such a difficult episode to watch - particulary the “more than anything” scene - because the foundations of their relationship had been shattered, and you could see the pain on their faces (kudos to Jaimie and Sully for incredible acting in the premiere, and in general). At times, the wait for them to reunite was irritating, but in the end, it was so worth it, particulary in the last 4 episodes of the season. And now, their relationship is built on complete honesty. No more secrets, no more lies. They know each other’s hearts. Oh, and apparently they also got married. No biggie.

So yeah, there it is. I love season 2. And season 1. And Blindspot in general. I’m gonna go cry now.

[tpf1138]

There’s understandably a lot of pressure when your first feature film hits it big at the Sundance film festival and with critics. Sometimes, the sophomore effort can make or break a filmmaker. Will you make a Boogie Nights and move on to a bright future? Or will you make a Southland Tales and have much of the good will of your previous film get sapped away at an instant? (And I liked Southland Tales). In the case of Darren Aronofsky, whose Pi was a bold debut feature, it wasn’t surprising when his second feature film turned out to be darker, grittier, and more intense than the last. So intense, in fact, that it makes the already hyper-kinetic Pi look like a tame student film by comparison.

With today’s installment of The Darren Aronofsky Retrospective, we’re going to take a look at one of the most infamously uncomfortable, hard-to-watch films ever made, Aronofsky’s Requiem for a Dream. Unlike the last retrospective installment, there will be major spoilers concerning the specifics of the characters’ fates. So only read if you’ve already seen the film or just don’t have the stomach to watch it. With that being said, let’s dive right into the notoriously bleak Requiem for a Dream.

—

“It’s a reason to get up in the morning. It’s a reason to lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It’s a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right […] I like the way I feel. I like thinking about the red dress and the television and you and your father. Now when I get the sun, I smile.“

Requiem for a Dream is a film so relentlessly grim that its reputation is largely built upon its hopelessness. Sitting atop numerous lists the most “depressing” or “hard-to-watch” movies of all time, the film follows four individuals as they are each plunged to the nadir of their own physical hellscapes thanks to drug addiction.

This is one of those rare films that is able to induce physical pain and discomfort on the viewer. Seeing each of these four people descend further into the absolute worst places imaginable is difficult to endure, and what makes it so is the relentless, almost punishing filmmaking from Darren Aronofsky, who so clearly brings us into the minds of these addicts that we cannot help but sit there absolutely horrified at what’s become of each character. In that sense, Requiem for a Dream is actually more unnerving and horrifying than most actual horror films.

However, because Aronofsky’s direction is just that masterful, many people tend to ignore this basic fact: Requiem for a Dream is essentially a feature-length drug PSA. That’s not a criticism or an endorsement; just an observation  This isn’t a film like Oslo, August 31st, which looks at addiction through a totally objective (albeit, still grim) lens, nor is it like Trainspotting, a film that sees both points of view for how drugs both lighten and darken the lives of its characters. Requiem for a Dream, by comparison, is so clearly, vehemently against drugs and the addictions they bring, that it can easily be seen as a glorified after-school special. In some ways, it bears all the familiar elements of an anti-drug video, but to dismiss it as such is to ignore Aronosky’s virtuoso control of the camera and the characters he’s created.

Drug addicts are very often portrayed in a negative light in a majority of films, and Requiem is no different. The trio of friends played by Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly, and (the oddly cast) Marlon Wayans are impossible to sympathize with at first glance. The first scene shows Leto stealing his mother’s television set so he could sell it for money at a pawn shop. This is apparently a normal occurrence since his mother, played by Ellen Burstyn, has foreseen this and chained the television to the radiator. It’s no use, of course, and Leto ends up dragging the TV to the pawn shop owner (played by the great Mark Margolis, no less).

This scene is followed by more scenes of Leto and his friends goofing around, with Aronofsky knowing full-well that these characters are hate-able at first glance. One scene, in which Leto fantasizes stealing a police officer’s handgun and teasing him with it, especially seems to highlight this notion. So what exactly is it that allows us to deeply sympathize with their downfalls by the time the credits roll? This can be attributed to three different reasons, each of which Aronofsky is directly responsible for.

First, each of the trio has just enough time to develop. Within the first half hour, Aronofsky establishes their wants and desires outside their drug addictions. Second, much like his last film, Pi, Aronofsky completely submerges us into each of their mindsets by using just about every technique he possibly can in his arsenal. Split-screens create a fabricated closeness to characters who are, in actuality, as alone as they can be. Cameras are attached to characters during scenes of intensity, the camera shaking right as they are. Wide angle lenses increase the claustrophobia of Burstyn’s scenes in her apartment, which play out like a more heightened, kinetic version of Roman Polanski’s Repulsion, but with monster-refrigerators instead of arms popping out of the walls.

Most important are the quick-cuts Aronofsky employs when the characters use, be it heroin, cocaine, or pills. Coined by Aronofsky as the “hip-hop montage”, each of the steps of the using process are quickly cut together with a specific sound effect representing each cut (This technique was used so much in action films that it was parodied by Edgar Wright in Hot Fuzz). This technique not only gets us as used to the pattern of drug addiction as the characters are, but also highlights just how quick and fleeting the euphoria of drug addiction is. The moments of bliss under drug addiction are so brief compared to the moments of despair that it becomes this unattainable force, the desire of which ends up consuming the characters whole.

The third and most important thing that Aronofsky utilizes to sympathize with these characters is Ellen Burstyn.

Ellen Burstyn’s performance as Mrs. Goldfarb may very well be the key to Requiem for a Dream‘s success. Playing Leto’s mother–who is addicted not to heroin or cocaine, but to self-help television and, later, diet pills–she provides the heart this film so desperately needs. Whereas the other characters are introduced as addicts from the opening frame, Burstyn shows us the transformation process, depicting just how easy it is for a seemingly normal human being to succumb to addiction. Because she provides a relatable center compared to the rest of the cast, we end up sympathizing not just with her, but with the younger characters as well. We see first hand that these people weren’t always addicts and had dreams and aspirations just like this woman.

Burstyn’s performance here is something to behold. Like Aronofsky himself, she’s standing at the highest point of the cinematic mountain, teetering right on the edge between genius and self-parody, and balancing effortlessly the whole way through. She is genuinely heartbreaking, and the downward spiral she takes is what makes the rest of the film work.

Her performance also represents one of Aronofsky’s biggest strengths: his gift of directing actors to their highest potential. With each of his lead performances, he manages to create a career-best. Natalie Portman won an Oscar for Black Swan, and Mickey Rourke’s career was revived after The Wrestler. Aronofsky even managed to get a subtly wonderful performance out of Marlon Wayans, of all people. I can never quite decide whether Burstyn or Portman is the best performance in an Aronofsky film, but I tend to lean a tiny bit more towards Burstyn since Portman is (intentionally) more stagey and theatrical in Black Swan. Burstyn is a triumph in this film, and I wonder whether the whole thing would’ve worked without her.

What’s more, Aronofsky continues his tradition of submerging the audience almost entirely into the characters’ mindsets with incredible force and veracity. The aforementioned usage of queasy cameras and split-screens, plus the typical hallucinations and Aronofsky’s almost signature fade to white certainly factor into this. But with each bombastic technique, some more subtle ones play into the madness. The quick-cut montages employed whenever characters get their fixes are also used for more mundane rituals, such as whenever Burstyn grabs the remote to turn on her TV or washes the dishes. Going back to Burstyn, her transformation is visually symbolized through her ever-changing hair color, which goes from blonde, to red, and finally to dead gray. Even the way she opens a box of chocolates and rubs her fingers along them looks like an omen of the pill addiction to come.

My personal favorite little detail that’s employed in the film is a dream sequence that’s shown twice, with Leto on a sunny pier running towards an ethereal Jennifer Connelly wearing a red dress. The red dress looks almost exactly like the one Burstyn is trying to fit into with her diet pills, further connecting both the characters and their obsessions into one, unifying whole.

Speaking of obsessions, it’s always interesting to note that while the concept of “obsession” is the main theme of every one of Aronofsky’s pictures, each film deals with a different kind of obsession. Pi dealt with the direct obsession of numbers and patterns. Requiem for a Dream, meanwhile, deals with “visceral” obsession, and there is no hunger that is more powerful than a person going through drug withdrawal.

This main, visceral obsession is undercut with individual obsessions for each of the characters. The red dress for Burstyn that represents approval from others, the promise of a successful life for Leto, the loving comfort of a maternal figure for Wayans, and a life free from the control of rich parents for Connelly. Drugs are depicted in this film as more than just a fix: they end up defining a false escape into those fantasies and desires. It understands how the psychological effects of drugs work on the subconscious, how humans associate the high with the dream, and then finally proceeds to show how it tears the dream down.

The final 20 to 30 minutes of Requiem for a Dream are some of the most stomach-churning ever put to film. Inter-cutting each of the four characters’ individual descents in grand, virtuosic fashion, Aronofsky switches back and forth from one grim scenario to another, each character’s situation worsening as the montage progresses. Providing the connective tissue is Clint Mansell’s marvelously unsettling score, which unifies their pain into a symphony of misery. A demeaning orgy scene is shown alongside Burstyn’s electroshock therapy, Wayans is forced into prison labor as Leto’s infected arm worsens. Each segment is timed almost perfectly to appear at the right moment of maximum effect, with each acquiring their own “movement” of Mansell’s score. As the cutting gets quicker, the score’s movements blur together until all their sufferings have become one.

Aronofsky has always been a master of cutting between different planes of location, time, or reality, and the final moments of Requiem for a Dream may very well be his greatest achievement as a director, bringing together the right editing, camerawork, and music for each segment of the montage, creating an explosion of filmmaking prowess and emotional devastation. It’s so masterfully done, it makes the similarly edited sequences in Cloud Atlas seem facile by comparison.

The film ends with the soul-crushing final montage set to Mansell’s now infamous (and ubiquitous) “Lux Aeterna” theme, as each of the characters roll up into a fetal position and think of the dreams that their addictions have just destroyed. Mercifully, the final scene is one of those dreams, that of Burstyn wearing the red dress on television, and her son being there to comfort her. They embrace as their demise is applauded by a large, live audience–an image that perfectly represents the heightened melodrama of the film, and one that Aronofsky will employ again in two of his future films. In that moment, the dream has been reached, their obsession has paid off, and just like the euphoria of the pills and the heroin, it’s gone in an instant.

Requiem for a Dream may have the moral complexity of those drug PSAs and after-school specials, but it ends up being so much more than just that. Under Aronofsky’s direction, what could’ve been trite and obvious becomes truly affecting on a purely visceral, emotional level. It’s cinema manipulation at its most masterful, style at some of its most original, and despair at its most miserably bleak. It’s as uncompromising a work of art as you can ever view.

However, it also gave Aronofsky something of a problem. The movie made its budget back and then some, but there was a large ratings controversy regarding the graphic sexual and drug content of the film. They were thankfully able to release the film unrated in theaters, with an edited down, R-rated version for DVD. But once the film was out, numerous viewers walked out of the film believing it was a pro-drug movie, unaware of what was in store for the final half. Due to this, there were a few parties that not only found the film offensive, but wanted it banned. It never got around to that, but it was still a thorn on the film’s side.

Thankfully, there was a silver lining. He garnered enough attention from both the controversy and the effectiveness of his two independent feature films to make his Hollywood splash and make a big-budget epic spanning thousands of years. At least… that was how it was supposed to go before things got even more sour for him. Stay tuned for an analysis of Aronofsky’s most misunderstood film, The Fountain.