#and regardless of how many times I post and delete something I’ll get jumped anyways

[ovaryacted]

American Society is crumbling on the brink of collapse as it turns into a totalitarian dictatorship, but sure hate on the bitch that writes silly little fanfic on here for free cause that makes sense and is on the list of priorities.

[isagisyoichi]

PINKY STAR (RUN) :｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

SYNOPSIS: isagi as your boyfriend

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: isagi yoichi my boyfriend of many several years

WARNINGS: swearing? i think idk i forget also yah pretend they all go to the same school and stuff. also horribly self indulgent if u couldn't already tell

A/N: if you remember my old one delete it from your memory it was literally so bad help anyways the re-up because my boyfriend deserves better. also i really like this one and i feel like it’s more in character for him :P lol i've had this in my drafts for like, ever <3 but also my last post for a while because i have ap exams and my sat soon :P

FOR: the anon that asked me where my original isagi bf hcs went :’)

after the initial awkwardness of being in a new relationship fades and you two become comfortable with each other, a relationship with isagi would be like dating your slightly awkward best friend who you make out with sometimes.

like, i don’t really see isagi being high maintenance, so i feel like a relationship with him would definitely be on the relaxed side, but still romantic, you know?

isagi’s inner monologue is so funny and he definitely lets his thoughts out to you. it makes you laugh to see your usually friendly-to-all boyfriend have his moments, too.

you guys are one of those couples that give each other a look when someone’s doing something weird in public #telepathicconnection <3

but, isagi’s really such a sweetie with you. i know user isagisyoichi may be slightly biased when they say this, but believe me when i say that isagi’s 100% boyfriend material.

walks you to class whenever he can. always either holding your hand as he listens attentively to you complaining about school.

writes down things he feels are important about you in a digital note entitled “y/n 💗,” so he can remember them in the future.

isagi's used to talking to all kinds of people, so even if you're not the most talkative, he can adjust with no problem.

and he’ll always entertain you about whatever stupid conversation you wanna have.

kinda basic with pet names. babe, baby, dork (he would, i don’t wanna hear it), are his usual rotation.

randomly compliments you/says these really romantic things out of nowhere because he can’t control himself and often blurts things out.

“yeah, of course, when we get married, i’ll-”

“when we get married?” you inquire as you cut isagi off. you two have never discussed marriage, just but the thought of isagi wanting to spend the rest of his life with you is enough to make your head spin.

isagi’s eyes go wide when he realizes what he’s said. damn his mouth that moves faster than his mind.

swallowing hard and taking a breath, isagi says, “y-yeah, when we get married,” further affirming his statement with a nod, albeit a bit of a nervous one.

now both of you guys are flustered LOL.

likes to sit his head in your lap and have you play with his hair, while you two talk or just sit in silence.

such a good listener, perfect person to rant about anything with. he’s very understanding, he’ll hold you if you need him to, wipe your tears if you’re crying, give you advice if you need it, just overall so sweet.

also always knows when you're sad because of his intuition. isagi encourages you to open up to him, but ultimately doesn’t force you, just lets you know that he’s always there for you <3

(that's kind of lie because isagi does pry a little LOL, but he means well)

takes care of you! nags you a little, tries his best to make sure you're not doing anything stupid, and if you are, that someone responsible (him) is watching you, looks after you when you’re sick, etc.

gives you his jacket when you’re cold (he’s been waiting to do that his whole life bro LMAOO), carries your things, always texts you good morning and good night, just overall sooo good to you.

but as soft as he is for you, isagi does have this tendency to get these random spouts of confidence, so sometimes he’ll say or do something really bold out of nowhere.

like, he’ll suddenly grab your waist and pull you closer to him, or he’ll kiss you out of the blue. the flustered expression that rests on your face for a change always makes him smirk *heart eyes*

in general, though, isagi's still kind of awkward sometimes regardless and does say or do things that make you go "???" and make him be like "why did i do that" LOL he's so cute though <333

he’s pretty basic with dates, usually opts for things like restaurants, walks in the parks, movie nights, or stuff like that, but they’re still really fun!

but, if you ever want to do something out of the norm, he wouldn't be opposed to it, either. but, you do have to tell him ‘cause he's not a mind reader lol.

(okay but, one time, isagi tried to watch a scary movie with you because he wanted to do that thing where he wraps his arm around you during the scary parts, but HE ended up being scared instead 😭)

isagi’s the type to put your name with a heart emoji or the date you guys started dating in his instagram bio LOL

y/n 💓 IHS Forward #10 ⚽️ *insert some soccer quote about grinding*

it’s a bit middle school, but you let it slide because you know he just wants to show you off <3

study sessions are normal between you two but, you guys always get bored or distracted halfway through and start watching youtube or something LOL.

it’s canon he’s a thigh man lol, so if he ever sees you wearing an oversized shirt, especially one of his, with shorts, isagi will literally short circuit in real life.

he keeps his hand on your thigh when you guys cuddle that day, tracing patterns on your skin, or just squeezing it every now and then.

in general, though, isagi likes poking at and playing with them whenever they're out <3

once, isagi wanted you to do that trend on tiktok where he sits between your thighs and stuff, but he had no idea how to bring it up LOL

so, isagi just watched tiktoks of it in front of you and hoped eventually you would get the hint 🙄

and you did, thanks to his incredible lack of subtly. he doesn’t even care when you giggle and tell him how bad he is at being slick, isagi got your thighs around him, he won!!!!!!

takes a picture (or two or three) to savor the moment.

(even though he could literally just ask you to do it again in the future, but whatever, i guess)

when you’re dating isagi, the team comes with him too LOL

they’re always snapchatting you pictures of isagi when they’re hanging out without you, with stupid captions like, “look how sad your boyfriend is without you 😞”

isagi’s not even sad in the picture, he’s just confused as to why they’re shoving a camera in his face 😭

isagi one hundred percent attempts to get you to run the mile with him during gym if you don’t already.

“babe, just try!” isagi pants, as he catches up to you and your friends, as you guys are still on your second lap.

admittedly, the effort is cute, but beloved, i hate to break it to you- i will not be doing anything of the sort.

he will sit down or walk around with you after you finish the mile, though. if he’s not already playing soccer lollll.

when he does choose to go with you, expect exclamations from the team about how isagi “abandoned us for his little relationship” 👎

isagi’s receiving love language is words of affirmation (also basically canon LOL) so, he really values the compliments you give him with his whole heart.

you could tell him how his hair looks nice in the morning, and isagi will think about it all day.

whether it be about how cute he is, or how talented of a player he is, isagi really is happiest when you praise him <3

speaking of soccer, isagi has this tendency to get lost in the moment and talk your head off about some soccer related tangent that probably makes no sense to you.

his eyes light up and his voice is just oozing with passion for what he does as he goes into detail about how he made this crazy goal at practice while you stare at him with the biggest heart eyes ever, adoring his dedication.

and of course when isagi realizes he was rambling, he apologizes profusely for “boring” you, like the gentleman he is.

but when you reassure him that he could never bore you and that you want nothing more than for him to go on, isagi begins to feels lightheaded due to his adoration for you <3

if you're the type to go all out when it supporting isagi at soccer- like make one of those corny signs, yell from the crowd, wear his spare jersey to games, isagi will physically have to withhold his heart from jumping out his chest.

he's a little embarrassed that you're doing all that for him, but the effort means soooo much to him.

and speaking of soccer, it would mean a lot to isagi if you not only supported him at games and stuff, but expressed an interest in learning more about soccer as a whole, too.

you know, learn a little more about the game on your own accord, ask him to teach you how to properly play, or even challenge him to a one on one, do stuff like that, and he’ll literally be head over heels for you. well, more than he already is.

(he always goes easy on you on your guys 1v1's and he thinks your efforts are adorable, no matter how much you may or may not suck)

he'd repay the effort and try to get interested in whatever your hobbies are!

also, you can get him to do almost anything if you pout and beg hard enough, you’re literally so hard to say no to in isagi’s eyes <3

isagi’s the type to not realize when other people are flirting with him LOL

he just thinks they’re being nice (unless they’re being straight up) and i don’t think he would really process it because he’s so focused on you romantically, if that makes sense.

once he realizes you’re jealous, isagi apologizes earnestly, reassuring you over and over again that you're everything he could ask for and that he would never intentionally try to hurt you and all that jazz.

although, i will admit, sometimes isagi’s kinda smug when you're jealous, especially when it’s over a dumb reason 👎

however, when he’s jealous i feel like it could go one of two ways-

on normal days, isagi would just stand there to “intimidate” the other person, maybe cough a little for emphasis until they go away lol.

but on days where he’s already mad/filled with adrenaline/or someone’s really not taking a hint and you’re visibly uncomfortable- oh boy, it’s like a switch flips in him.

has those same fiery eyes he has during the climax of a game. the energy he’s exuding is dead serious, and that alone is enough for the person bothering you to go away. not bad for a man that’s only 5’8 🥰

adding on, isagi doesn’t take any shit about you, ever. even if it’s from his friends. usually isagi’s very neutral and doesn’t actively try to start conflict, but there are some things he’ll always defend and you’re one of them.

isagi always listens/watches/reads/etc whatever you recommend him (on that note, please recommend him good anime because isagi’s out here willingly telling people his favorite anime is darling in the franxx), even if he doesn’t necessarily like it LOL

you could show isagi objectively, the worst song ever and he would be like “yeah, it was good babe!” (it was not)

also does the same thing when you bring him shopping with you, like he's absolutely NO HELP 😭

you could try on the ugliest sweater known to man and he’d like “you look nice 🙂” pls be honest isagi, you can say it’s hideous!!!!!!

but isagi’s also being somewhat truthful in his statement because he does genuinely think you look nice in everything <3

also loves when you wear his clothes- always feels a mixture between pride and slight shyness?

kinda lol idk but overall, isagi really is sooo happy you wanna show him off that much, especially when you're wearing something of his around his friends :')

he says “i love you” first, no doubt.

he’s a bit nervous when he does because he doesn’t know if you’ll reciprocate, but he really does love you and he feels like he physically can’t hold it in anymore.

“i promise you don’t have to say it back!” isagi reassures anxiously. “i know it’s a really big commitment, and if it’s too early for you right now-”

“i love you, too.”

[oikawaplssteponme]

locked lips

pairing: Pro Hero! Izuku Midoriya x fem! reader

ratings/warnings: NSFW 18+ MINORS DNI [please im literally begging you], swearing, legal consumption of alcohol, slight praise, fingering, use of the name ‘baby’, deku being a little bit of a cocky jerk, unprotected intercourse, make-up sex

genre: ex’s to lovers, smut, aged up characters, fluff/angst (?)

word count: ~2.2k words

synopsis: You broke up with him on impulse. That doesn’t mean you stopped loving him. Now you’re back at his place, at a party you planned, with him looking just so desirable. What else were you to do?

a/n: hi hi! alright friends, this being my first nsfw post i cannot stress enough how important it is that minors don’t interact. if i catch any minors interacting with this post, ill delete this post and block them, which i obviously don’t want to have to do. just please respect these rules :)) anyway, reblogs are greatly appreciated and enjoy xx

You scrolled through your phone, mindlessly. You tried your best not to double tap on any of the pictures on your screen. The last thing you needed was for him to know you were stalking his page.

“You should start getting ready,” said Uraraka. You looked over at her, cocking a brow.

“Uh I'm not going?” you huffed. Uraraka sat down beside you.

“Don’t be like that Y/N. You still have to go tonight, regardless of Deku.”

“The party is at Deku’s house. I’d look like a total idiot showing my face there after we broke up.”

You sat up and crossed your arms. Ochaco sighed. She grabbed your shoulders.

“Y/N, you are gonna go to the party and make Deku regret his entire life. Anyway, I’m bringing you as my plus one, so you have to come!”

You sighed. “Fine, but I’m staying with you the whole night.”

Ochaco smiled and gave you a quick hug. She got up and began scanning through her closet again.

You had been staying with Uraraka since you and Izuku had broken up. It was a blow out fight. You yelled at him for caring about work more than you. He shouted at you for not being understanding of his career. The words you meant mixed with the words you didn’t, and chaos erupted between you and him. So, you packed a bag and left. You didn’t want to, but you were done.

While you and Deku were still together, you helped him plan an event for him and his fellow Pro Heroes, as an opportunity for them all to get together. Now, you would be attending that same event. Only, not with him.

“Who would’ve thought there’d be a day where I’d have too many clothes to choose from,” laughed Ochaco. You smiled.

“You should wear that pink dress Iida bought you for your birthday. I don’t think you’ve worn it out yet.”

“You think? It’s not too much…”

“Of course not! You’ll look hot,” you teased. Ochaco smiled.

“Alright alright I’ll wear it. But then you have to wear this!” She pulled out a bag from her closet and handed it to you.

“Please don’t tell me you bought me something…”

“I had to! All your clothes are still at his place...and I wanted to make sure you felt good tonight.”

You gave Ochaco a nudge and pulled out the tissue paper. You felt the soft material in between your fingertips, pulling it out from the bag.

“Uraraka...”

“No need to thank me. You’ve been through hell and back these last few weeks, the least I could do is get you a pretty dress.”

You jumped towards your friend, engulfing her in a hug.

“Thank you.”

“Hey now, let’s get ready! The limousine will be here in just a few hours!”

~

You sat in the back of the limo with Ochaco as you were on your way to Deku’s party. You looked like a million bucks. A little part of you hoped someone would take notice.

The estate where Izuku lived was gated off. Once you were let inside, you could see the beaming lights from the top of the hill. You felt your stomach clench, nerves building inside of you. You wanted to see him, but you also didn’t want to see him doing better without you. You haven’t even been apart that long. A month maybe? Certainly not long enough for him to be over you, because you certainly weren’t over him.

“Oh wow, Deku went all out!” cheered Ochaco. You looked to see the endless decorations and glamor that surrounded you.

“Yeah, these were my ideas,” you mumbled. Ochaco placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t stress about it. Let’s just have fun, okay?”

You exited the vehicle and began to make your way inside. Champagne fountains and blasting music greeting you. His house was just as extraordinary as you remembered it. Nothing less than perfect for the No. 1 Hero.

“Uravity! Y/N!”

You turned to see your friend Iida, plus others from your old days at UA.

“You two are looking stunning tonight!” smiled Kirishima.

“Why thank you, it’s all thanks to this one,” you chuckled, giving Ochaco a nudge.

“I honestly didn’t expect to see you here tonight Y/N,” said Shoto. You shrugged.

“Well, I was invited after all. So Mr. Number One Hero can deal with it,” you huffed.

“Sounds like you could use a drink.”

Kaminari handed you a glass of champagne, which you took happily. You clinked glasses with your friends before dousing the beverage down.

“It’s gonna be a long night,” you mumbled to yourself.

You found yourself on the living room couch of Izuku’s large complex. You watched as Pro Heroes danced mindlessly with far too many drinks in their systems. You chuckled. At least they’re having fun.

You hadn’t seen Izuku all night, which was strange considering this was his party. You looked over to the glass staircase, knowing more than well that his bedroom was upstairs. You knew the layout like the back of your hand, after all, you lived here for a year.

You knew all your stuff had to be upstairs. You only had time to pack a small bag the day you left. Surely he wasn’t awful enough to throw your things away. You got up from the couch and quietly made your way up the stairs, hoping no one saw you sneak away from the action of the party.

His bedroom was at the end of the hallway. The doors were closed. You placed your shaky hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly. It was unlocked.

You stepped inside. The smell of his cologne filled your senses, causing memories to flood in as well. His room was neat, as if no one had been sleeping in it. You turned to the closet. All your clothing should be on the right side.

“Sneaking around?”

You jumped, removing your hand from the closet handle. You turned around slowly.

“Just wanted to make sure you didn’t burn my shit,” you huffed. Izuku chuckled. He took a few steps towards you, opening the closet.

“Don’t paint me as a villain Y/N. All your things are safe and sound.”

Your side of the closet was just as you left it. Exactly how you left it. You looked back to Izuku.

“Perfect. Then I’ll be taking it with me when I leave-”

“I’m surprised you came at all. I figured you’d want to be as far away from here as possible.”

“I didn’t come for you, I came for Ochaco.”

“Oh right.”

Deku took a step back, placing his hands in his pockets. That devilish smile stared you down, causing your face to burn. You could see the outline of his muscles through his white button down.

“You look incredible by the way. New dress?” he smirked. You rolled your eyes.

“Well since all my clothes were here, yes.”

“Well serves you right for leaving out of nowhere.”

Your eyes widened and you clenched your fists.

“I didn’t leave out of nowhere, I left because you cared more about your job than me!”

“That’s not true-”

“To hell it is! I was tired of being second to everything so I left!”

Izuku took a deep breath and stepped closer to you. He placed his hand under your chin, having you look at him.

“I didn’t want to break up.”

Your breathing got heavier without you even realizing it. You also didn’t realize that Midoriya had you pressed against the closet door.

“I-I didn’t want to either…” you whispered. Izuku smiled.

“Then tell me baby, why did we?”

“B-Because I didn’t know what else to do…”

Izuku brushed his thumb against your cheek, then took a step back.

“Look, I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was to make you feel under-appreciated...but-”

Izuku moved closer to you again, pinning your arms to your sides and pressing his torso against you all in a swift motion.

“-I can think of a better way to prove it to you.”

You tried to catch your breath. All you wanted was him at this exact moment. Was that a good thing? Of course not. Did you care? Of course not.

“Then prove it to me.”

Izuku wasted little time in moving you onto his California-king. He pinned you down onto the mattress and instantly kissed you. You felt the rush of butterflies swarm your stomach. You hated how much you had missed this.

Deku let go of your wrists and you began to unbutton his shirt. With little patience, he helped you from out of your dress. He dived back down, locking lips with you once more. You dragged your nails down his back, listening as soft groans escaped his lips. He moved down to kiss and suck on your neck.

“Fuck~” was all you were able to get out. Izuku’s hands grazed your burning body, feeling the skin that he had been craving since the day you left. He snaked his hand to your back, unbuckling your bra easily.

“I’ve still got it…” he teased. He threw the bra to the floor and gave you little time to breathe before kissing you again. You ran your fingers through his fluffy hair, pulling him impossibly closer.

“Izuku...please…”

His puppy dog eyes stared back at you.

“What is it?”

You panted heavily, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I need you.”

A smirk creeped onto his face. Izuku kissed your cheek.

“I promised I was gonna prove it to you, wasn’t I?”

Izuku sat up, unbuckling his belt. He slid off his pants and boxers. You caught a glimpse of him, causing your body to feel on fire. Midoriya placed his head in between your legs. He teasingly kissed your inner thighs, keeping his hands glued onto them. The anticipation was practically killing you.

“Izuku-”

“Patience baby...I’m in no rush…”

He moved up to your underwear, biting onto one of the strings and pulling it down. They were practically soaked already. Same with your bra, he tossed them to the floor.

He continued to kiss and nip at your thighs, inching impossibly closer to you. You couldn’t take it anymore.

You grabbed Izuku up and kissed him feverishly.

“So eager baby~”

“Please just fuck me,” you whispered. Izuku chuckled. He licked his lips.

“As you wish.”

Izuku spread your legs apart, dipping one of his fingers inside of you with ease. You arched your back, letting out a moan, and gripping onto his arm tightly.

“That’s it baby~”

Midoriya slipped another finger in, stretching you out even more. You clenched around him as he added more pressure.

He removed his fingers and better adjusted himself above you. He held his cock in his hand before slowly pushing it inside of you.

You didn’t remember him ever feeling this good.

Izuku began to thrust into you, slow at first before building in speed. You could feel yourself clenching around him, sweat forming on your skin. Midoriya groaned with each movement as he pushed even deeper. He kissed you as he fucked you, though you were such a mess you could barely keep up.

He knew exactly how to get you worked up.

“Oh god...I’m c-close,” you mumbled.

“Not yet…”

Midoriya moved his hand down, taking his thumb and rubbing your needy clit. You gripped onto him even harder, digging your nails into his skin as he pushed you over the edge.

“Oh fuck-fuck-”

“Fuck baby, I-I love you-I’m sorry-” he stuttered out.

“I-I love you t-too. Fuck Izuku- I’m gonna cum-”

“Cum with me baby-”

Izuku went even harder as he reached his climax, following you. You let out a pleasure filled scream as you let go. Izuku laid on top of you, catching his breath as your body shook below him.

He looked up at you, brushing his hair back.

“I love you,” he repeated, in case you didn’t believe him the first time. You smiled.

“I love you too.”

~

You had forgotten all about the party that was occurring below you. As you got redressed to head back down to meet Ochaco, you felt Izuku grab your hand.

“What is it?” you asked him. Midoriya took your other hand as he stood before you.

“I really am sorry. I don’t want you to leave again,” he explained. You sighed. You ran your fingers through his hair, kissing his cheek.

“It’s okay, I won’t.”

You walked downstairs with Izuku, his hand interlocked with yours. You watched as Ochaco’s jaw dropped at the sight of you.

“Oh so that’s where you were for the last hour and a half?” she huffed. You chuckled nervously.

“Yeah sorry…”

“Well the limo is here to take us back home, or are you staying here?” she asked. You looked up at Midoriya.

“I’m staying.”

Soon the Midoriya residence was quiet, just you and him remained. You curled up with him on the couch, his arms holding you tightly as he kissed your head.

“You wanna know why I didn’t get rid of any of your things?” he said. You laughed.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I knew you’d be back.”

•

reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

[jikookuntold]

Jungkook and His Cover Songs: Is “10000 Hours” about Jimin?

Disclaimer: The following post includes theories, lyric and numeric analysis, plus my personal opinions, so please don’t take anything seriously. I’m too lazy to upload photos and videos for the moments I mentioned here, but I’m sure you know about them all. Any Jikooker must know. And I’m not Korean or a Korean culture expert, I just know as much as any Stan Twitter ARMY knows about their culture.

Anyone?

Maybe one of the biggest Jikook moments of 2021 so far, is where Jimin jumped into Jungkook’s hug, in Lee Hyun’s Vlog. But the other moment on that Vlog was even more significant; Jungkook was singing “Anyone” from Justin Bieber’s new album, and Jimin was harmonizing with him while holding on his shirt. I don’t want to mention their interview moment singing “Peaches” because I know this song is super popular in South Korea right now and somehow it doesn’t count as a moment. But it’s safe to say that Jikook has something special with his songs, and JK in particular always was invested in him. 

JK & JB

The reason behind Jungkook’s devotion to Justin Bieber was always a big question for me, and I got my answer not long time ago. Jungkook’s playlist for Melon Radio Station included a song from JB’s new album named “Lonely”. This is one of the most personal songs any artist can ever make, and JK recommended it to his audience. Here are the lyrics of “Lonely” by Justin Bieber:

Everybody knows my name now

But somethin' 'bout it still feels strange

Like lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself

And seein' somebody else

And everything is not the same now

It feels like all our lives have changed

Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down

But it's killin' me now

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

I'm so lonely, lonely

Everybody knows my past now

Like my house was always made of glass

And maybe that's the price you pay

For the money and fame at an early age

And everybody saw me sick

And it felt like no one gave

They criticized the things I did as an idiot kid

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

These lyrics made me think of one specific thing, the thing that JK and JB have in common: They started their careers at a very young age, and their lives have been under the scrutiny of so many people. These people judged and criticized them but never tried to understand them. The lyrics are straightforward and leave no place for interpretation. By recommending this song, JK showed that he had (and probably still has) the same experiences in his life, and I think the reason he recommends or covers JB’s songs more than any other artist is that he has many things in common with him, and feels connected to his songs. 

This can lead us to another theory: By covering a Justin Bieber song, Jungkook shares something about himself with us, something that he can’t express directly.

Jungkook is interested in JB’s songs, but he is not the only one. As I said earlier in this post, Jimin shares the same taste with Jungkook, and my receipt is not just that “Anyone” or “Peaches” harmonizing moments, but also Jimin’s Spotify playlists. Since 2017 (or earlier, I’m not sure about this part) he has added some JB songs to his official playlist, and even his current playlist (July 2021) has two JB songs. And also let’s not forget the fact that Jikook as a subunit started in 2014 with a JB cover. Yes, I’m talking about “Mistletoe” and as you may know, Jimin translated the lyrics of this song to Korean. 

10000 Hours

Nearly 700 words and I haven’t started yet! The subject of this post was supposed to be the connections between “10000 hours” cover and Jikook but this prelude was necessary to clarify all the aspects of the topic and we find out how JB is special for JK and Jimin and how they (especially Jungkook) feel connected to him. Anyways, back to 10000 hours:

Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber released this Grammy winner song in October 2019. Here are the lyrics: 

Do you love the rain, does it make you dance

When you're drunk with your friends at a party

What's your favorite song, does it make you smile

Do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Do you miss the road that you grew up on?

Did you get your middle name from your grandma?

When you think about your forever now, do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Ooh, want the good and the bad and everything in between

Ooh, gotta cure my curiosity

Ooh, yeah

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that

Sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

And I'm gonna love you

As you can see, the lyrics are 100% romantic, and the singers including JB, have dedicated this song to their lovers. Also, their girlfriends/wives have a cameo in the MV, which leaves no place for speculation for the context of the song: Even though the uncertainties always exist and no one knows about the future, our love is strong and will stay strong regardless of time. 

The Cover and the Theories

Nearly one year later, on July 28th, 2020, Jungkook surprised ARMYs with a short video he tweeted at 11:56 AM. That video was a 49 seconds cover of 10000 hours. A few minutes later, he deleted the tweet (apparently with the advertisement excuses, because it was tweeted from an iPhone and they have a contract with Samsung). Later that night, Jungkook released the full version on Sound Cloud and tweeted the link at 11:47 PM. 

Jikookers discovered numerous theories that day about the times of both tweets; if you add the digits of the time, the result is “13” for both tweets 1+1+4+7=13, 1+1+5+6=13, and as you already know “13” is Jikook’s magic number. Also, the first video he tweeted was 49 seconds and 4+9=13. But in my opinion, this theory is not strong. I know that numerology is very popular in Korean culture but still, all of this can be coincidences, but the other things I’m going to bring up are most likely not. 

28th July 2020 was the 7th anniversary of the first Jikook selca posted after debut. This also might be a coincidence and to be honest, it cannot be a strong link to make a connection with Jikook, but worths sharing. 

The next thing that many Jikookers also pointed out, was related to the title of the song. The lyrics say “10000 hours and 10000 more” and 20000 hours after the 28th of July is 8th November 2022. As you may know. Jikookers believe November 8th is a significant date for Jikook. I believe this can be a coincidence either, and it’s very unlikely of Jungkook to do such calculations (Koreans are interested in numbers when it comes to days and dates, but counting hours is not usual in any culture. Other than that, I’m still doubtful about the origins of the November 8th theory because we have nothing other than two tweets and G.C.F Tokyo release date and their hotel room in Tokyo which still can be coincidental). But I don’t deny these theories because even as a coincidence, it’s still very interesting. 

And the next theory is connected to the “Red Moon”. On 27th July 2018, a total lunar eclipse happened all over the world, which became known as the red moon. At that time, BTS were in Malta, and on the same night, Jikook were watching the red moon on a boat. They shared plenty of photos and videos of that moment and I’m sure as a Jikooker you have seen them all and you know that night had a very romantic mood (BigHit words, not mine) for Jikook. So, a second anniversary for that night and the day after that night can be a significant date to release a very romantic cover. Is this a coincidence too? I think we had many of them already.

And last but not least is something connected to Korean culture. You probably know that 1000 days anniversaries are very important for Koreans and they celebrate them along with real anniversaries of the important dates in their lives. And guess what? 27th July 2020 is 1000 days after 31 October 2017. This day is the day Jikook’s travel to Tokyo ended and they posted their couply mirror selca on Twitter with flower bouquet emoji. Despite the one-day difference (the same case for the red moon anniversary), this is not a minor event or small coincidence. I believe Jungkook posted “10000 hour” cover for this reason and based on this, the other theories I mentioned earlier can be true either. 

The lyrics hit different if you read them again, after knowing this fact. Right? I don’t want to make this post much longer but before wrapping up, I want to talk about the lyrics of “Anyone” by JB (the song Jikook were harmonizing in Lee Hyun’s Vlog):

Dance with me under the diamonds

See me like breath in the cold

Sleep with me here in the silence

Come kiss me, silver and gold

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

So, just hold on like you will never let go

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone (anyone)

Not anyone

Forever's not enough time to (oh)

Love you the way that I want (love you the way that I want)

'Cause every morning I find you (oh)

I fear the day that I don't

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

'Cause certain things are out of our control

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

Only one (I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (I've ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

It's not anyone, not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, oh

If it's not you, it's not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, whoa

Yeah, you are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya) gotta tell ya

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done, oh, yeah)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

If you read the lyrics, you will notice that the context is very similar to “10000 hours”. It talks about the uncertainties of a beautiful love or in other words: No matter what the future brings to us, this love will last forever. 

This context of uncertainty and unknown future for a romance is a common concept in many of the songs Jungkook has covered and it’s not limited to the Justin Bieber covers he has done and maybe this concept can be the topic for my next analysis. 

[eldritchsurveys]

834.

How have you been feeling lately? Have you been doing ok? >> Eh. As long as nothing unpredictable happens, I’m mostly fine... but I’ve also had at least two meltdowns in the past week, so “mostly fine” is obviously a cover-up of some sort. I don’t really know what to do about it, so I am kind of just holding my breath through every day, hoping I don’t lose it over something trivial.

Are you currently in quarantine? >> No, the stay-at-home order has been lifted. Still not really going anywhere, though.

Do you wear a mask when you go to the store? >> We didn’t this past weekend, which I don’t feel great about, but I ordered a bandana yesterday so I’ll hopefully have it before this coming weekend.

Does your state require people to wear masks in stores? >> Well, they say they require it, but we were definitely not the only people in stores without masks on. So I don’t know what the deal is with that. I think maybe stores are weighing how much it’s worth having to deal with irate customers who can’t stand being turned away for not complying with the mask rule (Michigan is, after all, the state where armed protesters stormed the capitol building to harass the governor for extending the stay-at-home order...). Regardless, now that I will actually have a face covering next time, I’m going to use it.

Do you know anyone who's had the coronavirus? >> No.

What was the last sweet treat you ate? >> I ate part of a lemon coconut cookie.

Was it a nice day out today? >> It’s pretty nice, yeah.

Is the weather nice where you live usually? >> Usually? I wouldn’t say that. Winter lingers around here for a long time, and winter does not usually bring pleasant weather (in my opinion). Also, we get a lot of wacky lake-effect weather.

What was the last thing you ordered online? >> A bandana. It has a Baphomet on it, heh.

Are you expecting a package right now? >> Well, yeah, the bandana. Should be here Thursday or Friday (it’d better be, considering I paid extra for quicker shipping).

Have you ever ordered anything from Wish? If so, what did you buy, and did you feel it was worth it? >> I haven’t, but Sparrow’s ordered stuff from them. I think she likes everything she’s gotten (although she hasn’t gotten everything she’s ordered, which is annoying).

Are you a youtuber? If so, are you consistent with uploads? and how many subscribers do you have? >> I am not, nor would I ever be, a youtuber.

What is one thing you hate about summer? >> Heat waves. I like warmth, but too hot is too hot.

Did you go outside today? >> Not yet.

What is the name of your youtube channel, if you have one? >> ---

What was the name of the last store or restaurant that overcharged you? >> I can’t recall being overcharged anywhere.

Is your room more often messy or clean? >> On the cleaner side than the messier side.

Who is someone you miss? >> ---

What is something you miss? >> ---

Do you feel like your emotions are often haywire? >> I feel like that pretty frequently, yeah. I’m either having no emotions or having a veritable perfect storm of them, and I’d really like to find a fucking balance at some point.

Have you ever received a misdiagnosis from a doctor? >> I’ve mostly received misdiagnoses from doctors.

Have you ever been "diagnosed" with a mental illness from an online friend? who is not a doctor? If yes, isn't that frustrating? >> Nah, I’ve not had that experience.

Do you have any friends that you can trust and tell everything to? >> ---

What was the name of your favorite roommate you've had? >> ---

Do you have a favorite book that you've read multiple times? >> Yeah, there are a few books I’ve read multiple times.

What's one book or book series that you've read multiple times? >> I’ve read Dreamcatcher by Stephen King at least twice.

Have you ever had an embarrassing bathroom accident? >> Yeah.

What was the name of the funniest kid you've ever babysat? >> ---

Do you enjoy babysitting? >> Never done it.

Do you have any big regrets? >> No.

Are there things about your past that bother you? >> I mean... I’m post-traumatic, lmao.

What was the last thing you saw or read on social media that made you angry? >> That doesn’t really happen to me.

Do you often post about controversial topics on facebook? >> I don’t post on facebook at all.

Do you think it's a good idea to post about serious topics on social media? or do you think that it's better to discuss serious topics in person? >> I think that a lot of misunderstanding happens on social media that could possibly be avoided or at least worked through with more efficiency in person. I do say possibly, because like, who knows, really. But there are many discussions I wouldn’t bother getting into on social media (especially where other people can see it and jump in with their two cents), that I might be more willing to discuss one-on-one with a person in a controlled environment. Which is why I hate that people don’t use IM/DM functions more often for working through sensitive topics (like “I have a problem with something you said in [x] post and I would like to work it out with you” or whatever), instead of turning it into a public fucking debate.

What was your favorite book you had to read for school? >> Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Have you ever failed a class and had to repeat it? >> No, I got no credit for a class and had to repeat it.

What class in school did you hate the most? >> All of them lmao

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? >> Fuck no.

What's one childhood dream that has stuck with you, and one that has not? >> ---

Would you want to re-live your childhood over again if you could? >> FUCK NO.

Which do you like more: being an adult or being a kid? >> I vastly prefer being an adult where I have at least some semblance of agency and control over my own life, instead of being subject to the whims of people who don’t actually care about what I want or need or feel but are mostly thinking about what they want out of me.

At what age were you when you started to feel like you were mature enough to offer others advice? >> I don’t recall having this thought, like, ever. I offer advice when someone’s asked for it and I feel like I have some to offer. I don’t give a fuck what my age is.

Did your parents smoke or drink when you were growing up? >> No.

Do you enjoy bonfires? >> Yes.

Have you ever stepped on a sparkler? >> No.

What, do you know of, are you allergic to? >> Nothing.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulence? >> Yep, front and back.

What is your favorite version of the Bible to read, if applicable? >> I prefer the NIV for just regular reading, but ngl, the KJV has some turns of phrase that can be really poetic-sounding in certain verses.

Do you follow trends? or are you a trendsetter? >> Literally neither. I just do what I want.

Has anyone ever described you as a trendsetter? >> No.

Do you know anyone who used to be loving, but then turned cold? List three people you've known whom this has happened to. >> I don’t know anyone like that, which is good, because that is definitely red-flag behaviour.

What SAT subjects, if any, did you get a perfect score in? >> ---

What were your best subjects in school? and what was your favorite subject in school? >> ---

Have you ever been abused by a parent or legal guardian? >> Yes.

Do you have a lot of wounds from your past? >> Nope. Not a single one.

Has anyone ever called you a jerk? >> Probably.

Are you a jerk? >> Probably.

What color were your bedroom walls in high school? >> I assume they were the Nothing(tm) colour that is standard in apartment complexes.

Is there a girl or guy you wish you hadn't let slip away? >> No.

Is there an old friend that you miss and would like to reconnect with? >> No.

Who has hurt you the most? >> Sigh.

Have you been bullied? >> Yes.

Which talent show, if any, would you most like to audition for? and have you auditioned for one? >> I would rather die.

Do you know anyone who's auditioned for American Idol? >> No, but I know someone who auditioned for X Factor, which is largely the same concept.

Is there someone you think should audition that hasn't yet? >> No. I don’t think anyone should audition for those stupid ass shows.

What time of day do you usually feel your best? >> There is no time of day when that’s likely to happen. It depends more on my actual mental state than what time of day it is.

What's one way in which you've changed within the last ten years? >> Oh, you know, stuff.

Do you feel like time goes by fast, or slow? >> To me, it just... passes?

Who do you know who has died of cancer? >> No one.

Has there been cancer in your family? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever stayed overnight in a hospital, and if so, what for? >> Yeah. For being suicidal, or for being self-injurious, or because people just plain thought it’d be a fun thing to do to me, I don’t fucking know.

Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? >> No.

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to sue someone? >> That... would be such a strange response to being angry at someone. For me, anyway. I don’t know, maybe it makes sense to other people. I stick to Old Reliable -- wanting to beat them to a pulp or something.

Have you ever been a victim of racism? >> I mean, probably.

Have you ever deleted a friend on facebook for making racist comments? >> No. Luckily, that’s never happened to me.

What was the last thing you ate? >> Veggie burger and chips.

What was the theme of your senior prom? >> Damned if I remember, that was like 15 years ago.

Did you go to prom? >> Yeah.

Have ever been engaged or married? >> Yeah.

Are you an aunt or uncle? >> Technically.

Do you live to glorify God and to do His will? >> No.

Are you happy with the way you are living your life day-to-day right now? >> I mean, there are worse ways to live. At least I get to decide for myself what I do with my day.

Do you feel like your life was better or worse six years ago? >> It was definitely worse. That’s not even something to question.

Have you ever made a huge, catastrophic mistake? >> I don’t think any of my mistakes qualify for such a dramatic adjective.

What's one need of yours that is currently not being met? >> ---

Do you feel like you are currently in a state of suffering? and that not all of your basic needs are being met? If so, how long have you been in a state of suffering? >> Not that kind of suffering, no -- I’ve been in that state, where most of my basic needs were not at all being met, and I’m very grateful to not have to live like that anymore. Unfortunately, living like that for extended periods of time tends to have lasting effects, which is [part of] what I’m dealing with right now.

Do you hate social injustice? >> Nah, I love it. It’s just great. It’s the best thing ever--

Are you happy with the current social class you are in? >> I’m in that strange limbo where I, as an individual, am poverty-class, but since I am part of a household where the other person works a relatively okay job for a living, I get the benefits of being working-class. We’re still low-income by modern urban standards, though. Anyway, I’m fine with that for the most part, but that’s also because I’m used to being literally penniless so anything is better than that.

Do you feel like you are being given what you deserve right now? >> What the fuck do I deserve? What does that even mean? No one owes me anything.

Life isn't fair. True or false? >> I mean, true, I guess.

Do you hate that life is so unfair? >> I don’t really think about life that way. It’s people who have the option to be fair or unfair (and who have the option to perceive of things as fair or unfair); life is just... life.

Name a few people who seem to have everything handed to them. >> I don’t know anyone like that.

Who do you go to when you're upset? >> Can Calah.

Do you pray less or more than you did 5 years ago? >> I didn’t pray then and I don’t pray now, so... the same.

Do you pray a lot? >> No.

Do you frequently have back pain? >> No.

What's the worst side effect you've experienced for a medication? and what's the worst withdrawal effect you've experienced from a medicine? >> The last time I recall having side effects to medications is when I was being put on various psychiatric drugs as a teenager, but I don’t really remember any of the specifics except... being exhausted all the time (because I remember falling asleep in classes and being reprimanded for it like I’m doing it on fucking purpose).

Have you ever used an epi pen? >> No.

What's a name that you like but probably wouldn't use for one of your kids? >> ---

What's you name, and do you like it? >> Mordred. Of course I do.

Would you prefer to give your kids common names or unique names? >> ---

Do you feel like anybody values you in the way that you deserve? >> There’s that word deserve again. Anyway, yes, I’m sure someone values me well enough. Probably.

Who have you felt the most valued by? >> I guess Sparrow values me, or we wouldn’t be married. That’s how that works, right?

Have you ever been treated like you were inferior? >> Yes.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? >> ---

Do you ever sleep outside? >> I’ve slept outside before, yes.

How many siblings do you have? >> ---

Are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? >> I was raised as the only child in the household. I was the youngest of my father’s children.

How many kids do you want to have? >> Zero, ideally.

Do you want to get married? >> It’s already been done.

Best date you've been on? >> ---

Dream date? >> ---

Ever kissed someone on New Year's? >> Yeah.

Have you ever had an experience so good you felt like you were flying? >> Probably.

Have you ever been in so much pain you prayed that you would die? >> Yep.

What brings you the most joy? >> Uh... hmm. Good question. I’ll get back to you on that. Someday.

What is your passion; what is it that would bring you the most joy and fulfillment in life? >> I don’t think I have any passions.

Have you ever laid your dreams aside because someone else wanted you to? >> Well, fortunately for everyone else, I don’t really have any dreams.

Who supports you in everything you do? >> Sparrow is pretty supportive when I bother to do stuff.

Who always tries to stop you whenever you try to go after your dreams? >> ---

Do you believe in following your heart, in going after your dreams? >> I think that if someone has a dream, then sure, they should try to see it through. But I also think that sometimes it just ain’t worth it. It’s up to the person to make that determination, though, not me. Personally, I don’t really know what it’s like to have a dream, so it’s not like I can relate or anything.

Do you wish other people would want you to be happy? >> I don’t think people want me to suffer or anything. I think that in general, people aren’t really thinking about me at all.

Do you wish you had someone who loved and supported you? >> I do. I wish I had the capacity to feel loved and supported.

[midzelink]

Twilight Princess w/o Text Boxes: A Dream Made Possible w/ Emulation

Okay.  So.

Over the past couple months of running this blog, I’ve been thinking quite a lot about emulating Twilight Princesss in Dolphin, and the other day I finally bit the bullet and booted up the game for the first time.  I had fun finally playing around with the emulator’s free look feature, and I decided now was as good a time as any to finally learn how to make GIFs the proper way--with Photoshop--so I messed around with the program a bit and ended up making this GIF, which I posted yesterday.  It’s not great, but I’ve seen worse, so eh, whatever, right?  At least I’m learning.

Anyway, @therealflurrin sees this GIF and it kicks of a conversation between us about emulation: how it works, what free look is, and what the potential for these kinds of tools are: GIF-making, edits, stills...general hilarity, y’know, basic stuff.

They ask me if I have any idea how to disable the UI of the game.  No, I say; I do a quick cursory Google, and something like that would require texture dumping, editing, and reloading, and that sounds like a heckuva lot of work, doesn’t it?  I’ll just stick to what I know how to do.

And then they say something else:

my DREAM is to capture all the TP cutscenes without the text overlays for AMV purposes......someday

And I'm like, ah.

Ah, shit.

I dunno about the rest of you, but back in the day, when I would stay up until 3 AM watching Midlink AMVs during a sleepover on my friends’ computers (because Hylia knows I didn’t have one, and what the f**k is a smart phone, it’s only 2007), I used to daydream about this exact thing.  I watched a whole ton of (mostly shitty) AMVs, and most of them either completely disregarded any scenes with dialogue, zoomed to somewhat hide their presence, or used the cutscenes with text anyway, and their quality suffered for it regardless--but that was over 10 years ago, long before emulation was so readily accessible (and long before I would discover it), and as time passed, I quickly forgot about this little dream...

...until @therealflurrin reminded me of it.

How hard could it possibly be?

I can’t currently find the forum post I found that instructed another user on how to remove the UI of another (non-Zelda) game in Dolphin, but I can more than summarize the process myself after the day I had yesterday.  Essentially, each aspect of the game’s UI is a texture in the game’s files; you can’t delete textures, but you can replace them using Dolphin’s built-in texture loading feature.  In order to do what I had set out to, I had to:

Navigate to the graphics setting in Dolphin and turn on the “dump textures” feature, which could create viewable .png files of every single texture loaded into the game upon boot and direct them into a single folder.

Boot the game, ensuring that the elements of the UI I wanted to eliminate were clearly visible.

Find the textures responsible for these elements in the dump folder, making note of their file names.

Create and duplicate a 1x1 transparent .png file, renaming each duplication to match each of the various textures I want to replace from the previous step.

Place each of these “textures” into a folder that matches the name of the folder created by the dumping process, moving that folder into Dolphin’s custom textures directory, and again navigating to the graphics settings and checking “load custom textures.”

Doesn’t sound too difficult, right?

...Right.

Some textures were easy, of course.  Getting rid of the text itself was as simple as finding the very few textures that had the letters of the alphabet on them and replacing them, but more than a couple of them were vague stills of nonsense, and combing through hundreds of these textures to find the right ones when I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for...

Well, it was quite the headache, and at some point I ended up saying “f**k it!” and just started replacing anything and everything that looked vaguely suspicious.

For instance, after eliminating the actual text from the boxes, there still remained the matter of the “glow effect” behind the text--upon inspection without the obstruction of this text, just a glowing circle.  I just skimmed through the dump folder that resulted from me booting up the game for just a few seconds and I counted more than thirteen textures that fit that exact bill (plus several others that looked like they maybe could have also been the culprit, somehow), and I just kept on rebooting and replacing, rebooting and replacing until those stupid circles were gone.  (Not the best method in the world, I know, but we learn from our mistakes.)  I spent ages looking for the surely-it-must-be-a-long-black-rectangle-texture responsible for the backdrop, was unable to find it, and replaced a metric shit-ton of unimportant-looking textures until it, too, was somehow gone--and after a lot of trial and error, I finally got the result I was hoping for.

In doing so, however, I had eliminated a heckuva lot of textures that didn’t need replacing, and the entire thing left a bit of a...foul taste in my mouth.

So, like the perfectionist I am, I moved all of the work I had already completed to another location...and began again.

This time, I replaced textures one by one, rebooting the game each time to ensure that it was the correct one.  That “long black rectangle” I was looking for ended up being a tall, transparent image merely 8 pixels wide.  Those glowing circles ended up being the dang circle that I suspected least, go figure.  Regardless, slowly but surely, I was able to replicate my previous success.

Now, my custom texture folder looks a little something like this:

And the in-game result has transformed this:

Into this:

(As you can see, I’ve replaced many other elements of the UI outside of text boxes, and I put them into their own sub-folders for organization’s sake.)

It was a lot of work, but as far as ten-year-old me would be concerned, I have created a means in which to achieve my once impossible dream:

Twilight Princess cutscenes without text boxes.

What does any of this mean?

Effectively, I’ve created a “texture pack” of a sorts that removes most of the game’s UI elements, including the text boxes that have obstructed so many of the game’s better moments.  It’s still far from completely finished, but as of now, it serves its primary function flawlessly, and all that’s left of my childhood dream is one eensy, teensy thing:

Recording, baby!

That is to say, video recording of all the game’s cutscenes with this texture pack in effect, so that kind of footage is available and out there--otherwise, all of this work I’ve done will have been for naught, yeah?  Fortunately, I’m not just an idiot with an emulator and Photoshop; I’m an idiot with an emulator, Photoshop, and OBS Studio, ready and capable to do all of the hard work of capturing these moments for me.

And now, all that I have to do...is play the game.

So, what happens next?

I’m not going to put an estimate on how long this kind of thing is going to take; I have a life outside of this blog and outside of replaying a game I’ve played more than a few times, but over the next few weeks I’m going to be playing through Twilight Princess on Dolphin with the intention to:

Find and capture each of the game’s cutscenes without UI interference, and upload them (probably onto Google Drive) for use by the general public.

Create save states throughout my playthrough and upload them as well, so any person with a good PC, Dolphin, and a North American Twilight Princess .iso can jump into the game at any point they’d like.

Find and tweak any remaining elements of the game’s UI that I can find to make the experience as clean as possible...and perhaps upload this “texture pack” for general use if I am able to do so.

...But mostly the first thing, yeah?  I may keep everyone updated on my progress, if anyone particularly cares, but I also may just keep quiet about it and then dump all of these files at once.  Who knows!  We’ll just have to wait and see.

TL;DR

There’s a whole lot of potential with this kind of thing, and even if it’s a decade too late and no one is really making Twilight Princess AMVs anymore, this is something I’m so stupidly passionate about that I intend to see it through regardless.  I mean, Twilight Princess just happened to be the game that I chose!  If it’s possible with this game, then it must surely be possible with others, and maybe this can inspire other similar "HUD-less” projects from others.  But, even if it doesn’t, I’ll be okay with that.

In the end, if I can make even just one person happy with this little project of mine, that will be more than enough.

[kleeboy]

okay im deleting and reposting this because i put a swear word in the tags and it wasnt even showing up in searches for my personal, and i don’t trust the mobile editor to fix my problems but its time 4 me to make a post

Here's what I’ve got for a Thunderbirds D&D AU! I'm not gonna get into numbers and stats and levels because I do that enough when I play normal d&d and I'm gay and tired. Also, there’s probably gonna be a touch of rule bending not only to reconcile d&d with the Thunderbirds canon but just to boost the fun factor a bit. It’s not like we’re setting up a playable campaign so it doesn’t really matter as long as we’re not making it unrecognisable as part of the d&dverse. At that point, you might as well just call it a fantasy AU (still lit tho lmao). This is mostly TOS based but I’ll add some notes on TAG stuff now and then in italics because I’m here to provide. It’s hefty, so everything's under the cut. Hopefully comprehensible.

IR (presumably going by some other name but we’ll just stick with that for sake of ease) is still a rescue organisation - it operates on a somewhat smaller scale but access to magic means it’s got a pretty big reach for typical d&d technology. It’s centred around an ancient deity that few people have heard of and even fewer worship. There’s only one known temple dedicated to said deity and it had been abandoned for a long time before they found it, so it’s currently being restored - if rather agonizingly slowly. Anyway, IR is deity-based because nothing screams “fight for a cause” like paladins! They’re paladins, mostly, is what I’m saying.

Jeff is likely an ex-adventurer, probably a paladin but I’m seriously considering cleric just for interest’s sake so sue me, I love clerics. His party did some pretty cool stuff back in the day, and adventuring pays well as long as you don’t die, so he’s pretty well off. He left the party and settled down in one place when Scott was born, and the rest of them presumably disbanded and went about their own lives eventually. Or maybe they’re still out there causing a ruckus. Who knows. Pretty easy to just say “and he’s not there anymore” for TAG, rationalise his disappearance as you please. Either way, at some point he decided to start an organisation that would make saving lives a bit more structured than the usual “Let's hope a squad of adventurers stumbles on our predicament” that people have been relying on.

Scott is a Battle Master archetype fighter who multiclassed into paladin. Battle Master provides the most appropriate mechanics for a field leader, and also seems like the sort of thing Scott would have been doing previous to IR. He’s the least proficient spellcaster of the group if only by virtue of his class, but access to paladin magic gives his fighting an extra kick which, along with the Battle Master maneuvers, makes him pretty damn dangerous with a sword. It also means he can cast Find Steed, and because said steed’s form can go beyond normal when permitted by the DM and we’re making the rules here I’m giving him a pegasus, which is about the fastest flying mount you could get as far as the monster manual goes. A roc would just be too much. Very VERY cool. But too much.

Virgil is a College of Lore bard into paladin. When it comes to support classes, nothing beats a College of Lore bard for versatility. He’s got the range, darling. Slap an arsenal of magic items on that and you’re well on your way to the d&d equivalent of Thunderbird 2. He has some good offensive spells and weapon training but mostly works to keep others from getting hurt. With a high constitution, the Tough feat, good armour and a shield he pretty much becomes a mobile wall to be put between danger and anyone who can’t take too many hits. Find Steed again lets me give him something interesting to ride, and what better than an owlbear. A big one. Not quite as appropriate stat-wise as the pegasus for Scott but when it comes to aesthetics I’m yet to find something as good as a bear-shaped and -sized owl.

John is predominantly a Divination wizard, with a low paladin level - two maximum - giving him access to a lot of powerful magic but leaving him, how do you say, squishy. Divination is gameplay-wise pretty underwhelming, with not many spells to its name, but for someone whose job is centred around keeping an eye on things, the ability to see very far away and receive premonitions is gonna be useful. The system by which distress calls are sent is giving me some concept trouble but when it comes to receiving it’s as easy as a focus with some capability to project images and sound, gear already necessary to cast Scrying. So, as in canon, rather than going out on missions (at least for the most part), it’s John’s job to keep tabs on incoming signals and active operations. This is all based in the previously mentioned temple - out of the way enough to let me call it a T5 equivalent. He also has the secondary job of making sure nothing else tries to take up residence in the decrepit building. They had to clear it of goblins the first time. As far as Eos goes I don’t have room for all my thoughts (so many) but let’s call her a sentient magic item. Additionally, TAG John probs gets a level or two in cleric.

Gordon is a paladin into druid, Circle of the Land (Coast). He and Alan didn't have any previous class levels before becoming paladins. Neither of his classes give any bonuses for it beyond proficiency for paladins but nobody can stop me from making his primary weapon a longbow, plus the Sharpshooter feat is helpful. Coast druid is the only subclass of any d&d class that has a specific focus on water and what could go wrong if we let him turn into animals? It also has some good circle spells, when he gets to that point. He’d probably have a lot of fun with Mirror Image. There was probably an incident that catalysed his becoming a druid, I'd like to think it's the equivalent of the boat crash just placed on a different point in the timeline. Might get into it at a later date.

Alan is just pure paladin, it's all he's really had time to do with his life so far beyond being a kid and growing up, y'know? I’ll get a little into the subclass here, all of IR’s 3rd level or higher paladins take Oath of Devotion. From the PHB: “These paladins meet the ideal of the knight in shining armor, acting with honor in pursuit of justice and the greater good.” Devotion’s core tenets are honesty, courage, compassion, honor, and duty. Also their Channel Divinity: Sacred Weapon is just really cool. Who doesn’t like glowing stuff, man. Alan's got some more powerful paladin abilities than any of his brothers but probably has the lowest total level regardless. Giving him the Athlete feat, which lets him jump and climb a lot easier, feels appropriate. He snuck a griffon home when it was a baby, and is trying to train it. It's not very well behaved and causes a ruckus when it gets bored but he adores it. One day it’ll make a phenomenal companion. For now, it will continue to attempt to eat his fingers.

Brains is an artificer! Love that class. Artificers, rather than casting spells (though they can do that), make magic items. The artificer class is from Unearthed Arcana and a lot of the mechanics can be hit or miss, it’s been revised many times by lots of different people. But when it comes to the basic idea, it’s the obvious choice for Brains. The less common a magic item, the longer it takes and harder it is to make. The higher level an artificer the more, and more powerful, their creations are. Pretty simple. Also pretty much every version of artificer you come across has some sort of option for a mechanical companion so there’s MAX for you.

Tin-Tin is also an artificer, with a few levels in paladin for good measure. Her time is split between making and repairing gear and going out on missions, and when on call is incredibly useful for lightning fixes and is incredibly creative when it comes to the ways magic items (and nonmagic items) can be used to get out of predicaments. This is the character who constantly has Inspiration. Kayo is an Assassin archetype rogue into paladin. Assassins do… a lot of damage. If you know much about d&d rules (I don’t expect you to), the only thing scarier than a bard, stat wise, is a rogue. +10 to stealth is pretty easy to get by 5th level, combine that with Sneak Attack and Assassinate and you can deal up to 26 damage in one hit with a dagger alone. I said I wouldn’t do any maths but I lied.

Penny doesn’t necessarily have any class levels, though rogue would be appropriate. She falls more under the NPC umbrella, somewhere between Noble and Spy, perhaps? NPCs have a lot less restrictions when it comes to what they can and can’t do laterally, but it’s harder to make them powerful without assigning a class. I also think it’d be really neat to use the fantasy setting to make her nonhuman. High elf would be fitting and cool, but she’d also make a fantastic tiefling. Though, like, call me biased, everyone would make a fantastic tiefling.

I think that’s all I’ve got to say on the matter right now. I have a lot more specific details that I’ll get to eventually but this post is more of a jumping off point listing some options for anyone else who might want to mess around with a d&d AU but doesn’t know where to start. Pick out things you like, ditch things you don’t, add whatever sounds cool, and honestly? Congratulations on getting through this whole thing. This post is kind of in shambles. And thanks! I love taking any excuse to pore over these books.

Shoot me an ask or something if anything’s too incomprehensible or there’s something up with the formatting. Later, skaters.

[autisticblueteam]

snarkmoth replied to your post “i’m sorry ppl can have their own feelings on this but if this death...”

It's dnd. Player characters will die regardless of orientation. We've have two bisexual characters in the past. The death this time just happened to be a no binary character. We shouldn't ignore the rules and just save characters just because they're minorities/LGBT+. Not to mention, Tal could always cook up another no binary character. The show IS NOT scripted. What an embarrassing response to such an interesting episode.

@kier-ruse replied to your post “i’m sorry ppl can have their own feelings on this but if this death...”

yeah, fuck you OP. you cant call this bury your queers if its not scripted. and matt didnt "choose" to make molly the example, lorenzo did because he happened to be there. its kinda hard not to kill a queer character when the two characters closest two death where the only two confirmed queer character. this is dnd shit happens. as a enby bi, like molly, i get that its upsetting to lose representation, but you cannot blame matt for this. the fates decided.

@sigma-science replied to your post “i’m sorry ppl can have their own feelings on this but if this death...”

How about wait until Thursday and then post thing like this? You should give a chance to the cast to 'fix' this. Maybe someone wants to try revive Molly, and the DM maybe would give them a chance. If that thing does not happen, then say whatever you want to say. But this is not the time.

...And by "say whatever you want to say", I mean "say whatever you want to say, but be respectful to the cast & anyone who might read this." 

I have seen this kind of accusations many time, and every time the next episode 'fixed' problems. Not because of the accusation, but 1. because the episode was too long to continue and 2. There were many information that Matt didn't have time to explain. So, at least, wait until Thursday, please?

HOW ABOUT THE LOT OF YOU DON’T JUMP ON A PERSONAL VENT POST THAT I DIDN’T EVEN MAIN TAG AND ONLY TAGGED AS SPOILERS SO THAT PEOPLE WOULDN’T GET SPOILED

HUH

HOW ABOUT THAT

i’m not saying that the fucking cast are malicious. i’m saying that they need to consider the implications of this. this is a response to the fact that on talks last night, it was heavily fucking implied that molly is being left dead when this is a fantasy setting that has so many options to give for bringing someone back because its FANTASY

embarassing, huh? embarassing? y’know what’s embarassing? jumping onto the post of someone who is clearly personally upset, deliberately said not to @ me aka DONT RESPOND TO THIS, and pretending like i harassed the cast or something equally dumb

the fates decided SHIT. they are in control of how their game works and i’ll respect their choices but it doesn’t mean i can’t be uncomfortable with the decision they come to

the characters aren’t people. the NPCs aren’t real people with real choices. the players make the choices. and all i’m saying is some fucking thinking about the implications of some choices and how it might hurt people would be nice

i did NOTHING any of you are accusing me of

ALL i did was make a personal post because i’m FUCKING UPSET

in what world are the cast gonna see this post i’d probably have deleted in an hour or two anyway huh

leave me alone and have some fucking common decency yourselves

[theredpandaserver]

S1 Ep 2: Self Image

Morning Greeting:

Good morning everyone and welcome to episode two of the podcast, I’m your host Rinn and today I am feeling great, I woke up this morning and relaxed in bed for a while and later I made some breakfast and instead of cooking I made some cinnamon fiber cereal. I didn’t want to be too lazy so I added some fresh blackberries and sliced strawberries and I don’t know about you guys listening but I’m lactose intolerant so I only buy almond milk. I know there’s a ton of other substitutes like soy milk and oat milk and actually so many people are saying that oat milk is a lot better than almond milk, especially if you order at Starbucks a lot I feel like every time I go there with a friend or something and I order a iced coffee with almond milk they always question if I ever tried oat milk before and would try to recommend it to me, I’m definitely not like fully against getting out of my comfort zone and trying new things so I would one hundred percent try it, maybe wait until next week’s episode to hear about whether or not I actually did and if I like it or not because I have some grocery shopping that I plan on doing Friday before I go on this mini vacation and that’s another story for another time obviously but anyways let’s go ahead and jump into the first topic of discussion for today because actually I really did put a lot of thought and effort into this episode so that it could actually be listenable if that’s even a word.

Opening Topic: You Are Who You Surround Yourself With

So I wanted to touch base on what I talked about in the first episode, mostly because I know that the first one was kind of all over the place and unorganized so this discussion will bring a bit of method to all that madness that once was the previous episode and I’m hoping that I can offer you all a bit of consistency and order and not just jump all over the place but I won’t make any promises. Let’s talk about how You Are Who You Surround Yourself With, okay. I did go a little in depth about what this meant to me but I felt the need to reiterate this point in particular because I truly didn’t do it justice love like I don’t know what else you want me to say. Quick side note as well before I continue, please don’t get mad at me if I delete the original first episode of the podcast because I was thinking about that but it’s not one hundred percent in motion yet, it might happen but also it might not, you’re just going to have to wait and see.

When you think about society and how everyone interacts with each other, today especially, you’ll notice that everyone has one thing in common. We all want to fit in or be accepted by our family or peers. Sometimes in order to feel or be accepted in certain groups we even often find ourselves doing things like smoking or drinking alcohol socially, gossiping, or even doing things that completely go against all our morals and beliefs.

When I say, “you are who you surround yourself with” this is exactly what I’m referring to. Hanging out with a group of friends, those friends start gossiping about someone that they don’t even know and you participating in that gossip so that you can be included in the conversation. Here’s a less toxic example, let’s say me and you are best friends and I wanted to go for a hike this afternoon but I didn’t want to do it alone. Even if you’ve never been hiking with me before, I decided to call and invite you to hike with me since we’re such good friends. If you’re bored or have nothing better to do you’re most likely going to say yes and go on this hike we me regardless of wether you actually really want to or not. As your friend, if we hang out everyday and I’m making healthy decisions, you’re probably going to as well.

The overall moral of the discussion is surround yourself with people that are going to bring out the best in you and promote positivity in your life because when you’re around positive energy, you’re almost guaranteed to life a fuller and more rewarding life than you would have lived around unhappy, unhealthy and negative individuals. I think that’s all I wanted to say in a nutshell about that topic and with that being said let’s take a short break for a moment and touch base on another topic afterwards.

Break: Discord Promotion

Have you ever gotten on the internet and thought to yourself “wow, I would love to find a social group I could join to make new, non-toxic friends to just talk about my day and have fun with” well you’re in luck because this week’s podcast is brought to you by the discord server The Red Panda. The Red Panda is a wholesome family-like community server that offers a relaxing and non-toxic environment where you can really get to know our members and participate in fun activities such as weekly anime streams, nitro giveaways, non profit organization promotions and so much more. With a wide variety of members all over the globe, there’s never a dull moment in The Red Panda, join using the invite code https://discord.gg/NFbTQa64Vk discord dot g g, forward slash, capital N F, lowercase b, capital T Q, lowercase a, 6 4 capital V lowercase k. To gain full access to the server, visit the guidelines tab and react to the verification post at the top of the channel using the green check mark symbol.

Main Topic: Self Image

First of all if you’ve made it this far and you’re still listening I want to say thank you for tuning in today. The main topic for this weeks podcast is going to be about your self image. So self image looks very different for a lot of people, now for me personally this is something that I really struggle with being positive about like I could wake up one day and look in the mirror and say wow I look really good today but then the next day I might look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize the person that’s looking back at me and I think I look completely repulsive even though literally nothing changed about my physical appearance from day one to day two. I honestly can’t explain why I do this because even I don’t really understand it and if I could like completely cut that out trust me I would. I would very much rather walk around feeling like the hottest shit on the entire Earth than to be insecure about my own self image for even half a second.

I think a big part of having a good and strong self image towards yourself is really faking it until you make it. You genuinely have to convince yourself day in and day out that you are beautiful, you are perfect, you are enough and you are loved so that you can eventually really start to feel those things from yourself. When you think about it, love is dedication and consistency, if you have that dedication to take the time treat yourself right and you’re consistent about doing it then soon after, you’re really going to find that positive self image that you worked so hard to build and I promise you’re going to enjoy every moment of it.

Everyone tuning in today, I want us to take a moment to really do some self care together to help build our self image. Maybe you already have the a great self image and you love everything about yourself, that’s perfect, good for you. This is just a fun mental exercise for everyone to do just to see how consistent you can really be and how you feel about yourself afterwards. When you wake up in the morning, for the rest of the week I want you to look in whatever mirror you have in your home and just tell yourself that you love yourself and that you’re enough or whatever other affirmations you want to remind yourself about each day. Then at the end of the week you can comment down below how you’re feeling or you can join the discord server and talk to me and the rest of the community directly and it can just be a fun little activity for everyone to get involved with. If you quit halfway through that’s okay! If you did it the entire week, that’s awesome and if you didn’t do it at all but you still tuned into the podcast then that’s perfectly fine! It’s all up to you guys and who knows maybe I’ll do it and forget about it or give up after a few days or so or maybe even get through the whole week, either way I’ll be right here again next week and I’ll try to remember to give you all a personal update on here as well as in the discord server with all of you, it’ll be a fun game in the end either way.

Wrap Up: Rebranding

So I’m sure you all noticed that there have been a few minor changes in the discord server and there’s a few more things that are still being worked on and will definitely come some time soon in the future. We’re currently in the process of not just rebranding but just finding ourselves in general. Who are we and what do we represent? What kind of impression do we want to leave on the future members of our community and what kind of activities do we want this community to even have?

Quite literally everything is still up for debate and is kind of just floating around in the air, waiting for a final decision. If you have a idea of what you would like the server to look like, how it should operate or what activities we should have please let us know down below or in the chat about it with us in the server about all your great ideas and watch them come to life.

Last Words

Thank you guys so much again for tuning into this episode of podcast and for supporting us and being part of our community, I think a good name for this podcast could be The Red Pandas Table, let me know what you all think about that. I’m your host Rinn and I had fun chatting with you all today, technically it’s night time because I’m recording this late in the afternoon and I’ve literally almost passed out today five different times and I still haven’t even cooked dinner yet which is the craziest part about it. Anyways, hugs and kisses and I’ll see you soon, bye!

[travellingunicorn7]

I deleted this thinking I was outside the realms of reality and I probably still am, but I've decided to repost only because why should I delete it? Most of the sentiment is true and I'm not going to be shy or embarrassed about it. Fuck anyone who wants to be dick over it. Just because maybe it also focuses on one person, for everyone else- perhaps it focuses on you too, just as much.

Here is an novel/essay on my feelings. After this post I am going to try my hardest not to post anything else along these lines because I just don’t want to, I’ve said enough now. I’m just begging if I say anymore, and I don’t beg. I worry about some of the things I have said and I hope I haven’t overstepped a mark. I don’t really want to post this, but I feel if I don’t I may not get what I want, but then I may not get it anyway, so why not just say it and be done with it. Please don’t do anything hasty from this, accept what I have to say and don’t shoot it down in flames before thinking about it, because you never know, some things may be worth considering.

1. I am a true convert to Royal. You will not get me cruising with another company, not if I can help it. But I can not keep cruising on the same ships. I need to mix it up and see something different. I’m loyal to royal but I’m not loyal to the ships. I will be doing my absolute level best to see the other vessels within the fleet and if that means flying halfway across the world, so be it, I don’t mind, because I love to travel, but it does annoy me a little Australia misses out a fair bit.

2. I am saving madly to get to the Caribbean, Miami, London and the Netherlands. I am hoping between 2022-2025 these trips will happen. I can’t specify dates yet because I’m not in a position to and quite frankly I don’t want to say too much online about it, because I would like to make new friends in person where I get their contact details and maybe ask if they would like to be my personal travel guide when I finally get to these places. However I intend to stay for a full month when I do visit these four parts of the world. 

3. I’m not going to the Caribbean for 1 cruise. What a long way to go for just a week. I intend to pay for 2-3 back to back cruises within the Caribbean. I want to visit Coco Cay, Aruba, Curacao, Bonaire, and where possible; Jamaica, Mexico, Haiti and Puerto Rico. I am sold on Odyssey, she will happen, and I’m tossing up between Explorer, Oasis, Independence, Allure and Symphony. As for the Netherlands: Amsterdam, Zaandam, Zaanse Schans, Leiden, Lisse, Den Haag, Scheveningen Strand, Delft, and possibly Rotterdam are all places I intend to visit. 

4. Lelepa and Wonder of the Seas: I’m still hesitant, on these two, only because I have concerns, Australia will not be considered fairly when it comes to more information being released about them and Australia often falls into the Asian category when it comes to travel destinations. However if Wonder can be taken away from Asia then yes I will consider this ship. If Wonder is taken to Lelepa from Australia- I’m looking at Brisbane- then yes I will consider Wonder and Lelepa. If Wonder can not be taken away from Asia, then Royal and Brisbane better make some decent decisions when it comes to other ships in their fleet, that aren’t already here, such as Mariner, Navigator, Symphony, Independence, Allure, Harmony and/or Oasis to make their way to Australia for me to consider going. I’ll make that call when further announcements are made and on the completion of Brisbane’s new cruise terminal. I also believe Sydney is looking at building a new cruise terminal too, which I’d like to believe Royal will come to the party and provide Australia their “bigger and bolder” ships in confirmation and completion of that. Also I understand Lelepa will be different to Coco Cay but it better not be lacking too much. I would like some similarities for me to consider visiting. 

Before all of these changes of new cruise terminals are completed, I would love to see ships with similar sizing to Ovation, Explorer and Voyager (considering our ports aren’t big enough), visiting Australia more, as there’s not enough itineraries and I wouldn’t mind going from Australian port to Australian port; rather than heading to the South Pacific or New Zealand all the time. I don’t want to cruise with Carnival or Princess and no offense to the Radiance class ships, but they lack too many activities for me to want to jump on them, I know these ships do visit the Australian ports more; I just need a mixture of places to see and things to do on board. Not one or the other .

5. I am not interested in visiting Asia. There are few reasons why, I just don’t want to explain them here. Asia in general seems to have some amazing landscapes, and the people I know are wonderful but I would rather get fat than go to Asia. Unsure why I should, because I just said I have no desire to go, but, persuade me to go to India, Malaysia, Singapore and Japan and I will consider Quantum and Wonder. However will I be looking at a carbon copy of Ovation if I step on Quantum?

6. I am learning Dutch. I enjoy it. I will continue to say and write things in Dutch so I can continue to get a grasp on the language. I’m planning a trip to the Netherlands and the Caribbean. I know people in the Netherlands speak English but I think it’s only fair I learn their language too. I am also looking at Russian and Polish after I feel I have successfully got the Dutch language ‘down pat’.

7. Why Dutch? Why the Netherlands? There are several reasons, one I’ll explain later, I can count at least 5 reasons. Get time off and come and find me in Circular Quay checking out Voyager and Ovation and I will tell you why. Or better yet when it’s holidays, kom alsjeblieft naar Bairnsdale en vind me. Kom me alsjeblieft bezoeken, don’t fly straight home…

8. I cannot keep posting my music. My music tastes ranges from rock, pop, classical, electronic, dance, hip hop, rap, alternative, indie, folk, punk, blues and metal. Country is the only genre I suffer through. A few Australian country music stars however, can be tolerable like Lee Kernaghan. As long as the artist has 99% input into the way the music is delivered then I’ll listen. As much as I enjoy sharing my music, because I love music, there comes a point where you start to know too much about me, without actually getting to know me at all. You want to get to know me, talk to me. Here is a list of some the bands I have the most music of and if I could share my iTunes with the world I would, but I am not subscribing to several different streaming services to do so. Spotify is enough:

Linkin Park

Garbage

The Killers

Glass Animals

Arcade Fire

Peking Duk

Safia

Rufus/Rufus du Sol

Delphic

Florence and the Machine

Sia

Interpol

Kingswood

Major Lazer

Miike Snow

Kings of Leon

Gomez

Duke Dumont

Friendly Fires

Zhu

Jamiroquai

Spoon

Flight Facilities 

Arcade Fire

The Aston Shuffle

Fatboy Slim

Basement Jaxx

Chemical Brothers

Groove Armada

Marilyn Manson

Placebo

Foals

Nine Inch Nails

Mø

Arctic Monkeys

Cold War Kids

Hayden James

Mansion Air

Presets

Chvrches

Beck

The Rapture

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Jack River

The Prodigy

New Order

Depeche Mode 

Korn

Kasabian

Muse

Oasis

Gorillaz

Two Door Cinema Club

Calvin Harris

9. The list of emojis; There are stories behind them all. I will tell you if you want to say hi. ♉⚽🏊🏏🌹🇦🇺🔮🇳🇱🎶👻🚢✈🤸🐈🌷🌩. I’ve just explained the music emoji, I’ll explain my love of travel. I love my country I’d like to see Darwin, Broome, Perth, the coast of South Australia including Kangaroo Island, Tasmania and Northern Queensland. I want to go back to the US and Canada, and maybe New Zealand. As mentioned Netherlands, London, Caribbean and Miami are currently on my immediate list. I’d like to see parts of Russia, Poland, the rest of England, Scotland, Egypt, Morocco, Chile, and Peru. I work to earn money to travel and play pole. If money was no object I’d just spend my entire time travelling maybe I could study further and be a professional pole teacher, teaching all over the world? Just a thought. I like to spend my money on experiences and culture and education, not unnecessary things. So the aeroplane and ship emoji reflects my love for travel and cruising and ships in general fascinate me including the stories of ‘ghost ships’. Yet there will become a time I need to set up roots, sooner rather than later, and south east Queensland is currently getting my attention, but I’m not closed to the idea of moving OS either.

10. I will continue to be as honest as I can and saying things that may or may not sit well with others without name dropping. I don’t like sugar coating, yet somehow I live in a society where people get offended so easily. So I hold back. I say things on here and on my instagram because I can be me and say things that are true to me because somehow there are people who are offended in how I live my life, and it makes me worry about what our society is turning into where people are scared to say what’s on their minds or say how they feel without a keyboard. Too many people are wrapped in cotton wool these days, it’s why they get offended over the most miniscule thing. I think about that a lot, and that’s why I try and not care about other people’s opinions. It doesn’t always work but if you want honesty, check this out or instagram or better yet- get to know me and talk to me in person.

11. Let's talk about honesty for a moment. Lying and keeping secrets from me doesnt end well so don't do it. Being honest with me may upset me at first yes, but I'll accept it and let things be. Honesty is the best policy, regardless of how much someone may get hurt, just be honest.

12. This gets to my next point, why is it ingrained in current culture for arguments sake that men should be the one chasing the woman to get her attention. Why can’t the woman let the man know she’s interested? This whole ‘chase’ mentality just really needs to stop. She’s not going to play games with you when it comes to feelings so don’t string her along. Let your ego relax a little and let the woman ask you out. Let her ask you to come home with her, she’s wanting to get laid, and just as a guess you probably do too because you paid attention to her in the first place and wanted her to notice you. She might even want more too if it’s all worth it. She’d be open to anything ranging from friendship to lovers, to whatever works. We’re all adults and I’d like to think we all switched on enough to work out fairly quickly whether something is worth continuing or not. If he wants to do the work fine, I’m sure she’ll let him, but he shouldn’t be rejecting any effort from her when it’s given to him, because it’s probably taken her some courage to do so in the first place and wouldn’t he want the pressure taken off him just a little bit especially if he wanted her attention? She’s also probably just as interested, he would know if she wasn’t interested; and women can be capable too. 

Both parties should be able to meet each other halfway with effort, and work 50/50 to make a go of things. It shouldn’t be give and take and it shouldn’t be one party or the other doing all the work. It should fall on both sets of shoulders. A lot of women get tired of getting attention from guys, so they reciprocate that attention because they’re just as interested, by being proactive and doing something about it, and are more or less ‘ghosted’. That’s cowardly behaviour. If a man shows interest, follow through with that interest, don’t bail before giving anything a chance. Why can’t women make the first move to get what they want too? Didn’t the man initially get the woman’s attention because he wanted to sleep with her? Maybe she does as well…

Maybe it’s the social media. We all have it, we all enjoy it, it’s not going to go away, but it’s changed everyone’s ability in how to speak to one another. People are afraid to say how they feel now regardless of whether it’s good or bad. We can be keyboard warriors and armchair experts to strangers but we can’t have decent conversations with people we actually meet and want to get to know further, we are all too scared. How do you think your grandparents met each other? They didn’t have social media, they met each other in person, and spoke to each other in person and showed effort to each other. Maybe social media and the online world is what makes guys run away from normal or average or different because they are so used to seeing ‘perfect’ that anything different to ‘perfect’ hits them for six, and they don’t know how to handle it. I’m not perfect and I refuse to be, what a hard life that would be to live up to and expensive too. All that botox and plastic surgery just to be ‘perfect’ and to put on a persona that’s not me- no thanks.  I’m happy doing what I’m doing. I enjoy my exercise, it makes me feel good and that’s enough even though sometimes I do have doubts about my body, I see so much ‘perfection’ online that I often feel like I’m expected to look the same. I prefer to be stronger, fitter, have muscles and just be myself any day, than worry about what snap chat filter to use, or how much money I need to go under the knife or change my personality to impress people, so just take me as I am.

13. Also if you are in a relationship be honest about it. We don't need to see the ins and outs. That's no ones business other than yours and your partners, but leading other people on, showing other people your attention, letting them think that you're single and they may have a chance with you, when in actual fact you're not and they don't have a single chance whatsoever. That's not on. Not only does it upset the person your paying attention to, it will also upset your partner and then most likely everyone loses in some way shape or form. So just don’t do it. It's almost a form of cheating and I don't have time for cheaters. There will be no second chances with cheaters. If you are not 150% in your relationship and you want to be with and pay attention to other people, then break up. 

Once you make your partner feel like they're not the only one, whether it's cheating or not, that's a rule breaker. If you are paying attention and showing interest and appearing keen and single to others, when you're in a relationship, perhaps you need to take a good look at your own relationship and decide if it's for you or not. Maybe the relationship isn’t strong enough to keep going, sometimes you have to be honest with yourself, and especially if someone within the relationship, is wanting to make eyes at other people and wander, that’s not showing your partner any respect. (Not everyone deserves everyone’s respect, and that’s life, just don’t be unkind about it). Decide if things need to change and work on them. Don't throw your relationship away before you think about it properly, but if you’re not into the relationship 150%, throwing the relationship away is probably the best option. No one likes to break relationships up, but maybe walking away from the relationship is what needs to happen too. Look at Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth? Sad they couldn't work it out and make they're marriage last, but they obviously weren't happy, and the following behaviour, especially from Miley where she wanted to wander, she really wasn’t ready to settle, she wanted to be with other people, now I think they are both better off apart. You should be in a relationship for the right reasons. Is there a reason someone is paying attention to someone else and showing them interest? Are they really ready to settle? Or do they still need time to be with other people?

If there's someone else, before you go breaking everyone's hearts, make sure that someone else gets your complete and full attention, don't go doing the same thing by paying a person number 3 the attention you paid person number 2, when you just left your last relationship with person number 1 for. Does that make sense? Prove to the current person you are with (even if it means you broke up with someone to be with someone else), that they are the only one for you, and that you only have eyes for them. They deserve that at least. Person number 2 doesn't need you running around behind their back giving person number 3 attention, just like you did with person number 1 to get to person number 2.

Just don't cheat. Break up before you move on is all I'm saying.

14. Going back to all things Dutch, maybe I’m learning the language for one of many reasons; to impress a guy and get his attention, and I don’t know how successful it is, but it’s my way of trying and/or making an effort because he is still in my head. He is Dutch, he works abroad for 95% of the year, he doesn’t even live in Australia and the situation is incredibly far fetched and that damn difficult, I don’t even understand why I would even want to pursue this idea, but if you really can’t let something go, you put in the effort, you try and want to make it work, right? He will not leave my thoughts and I miss him way too much, more than what I should. I would love it if he either let me make an effort or he made a little effort in return, but I don’t expect too much really, I’m sure I’m flogging a dead horse after eight months and counting. Maybe he’s just someone who’s very easy on the eyes 💪 who I can only like from a distance 😍. I would like to be his friend, I would like to take him home and have sex with him and I would like to get to know him. Situations can be hard, and situations can come with huge limitations and often situations distort reality, I get all that, but give me a little credit. I hope he thinks about me just as much as I think about him. I hope he misses me just as much and I hope some days he thinks about the exact same things as I do, like wanting to get to know me too, or wanting to come to bed with me… naked… 💋 I suddenly have Tove Lo’s Talking Body in my head.

15. If he wants to see me, or wants to give something a go with me, be it anything, then I’m giving him a few choices: Don’t fly straight home at the start of the holidays, come to Bairnsdale, het is niet zo moeilijk om een supermarktmerk in Bairnsdale te vinden waar ik voor werk, omdat iedereen boodschappen nodig heeft. Be my personal travel guide… Netherlands… Caribbean… Miami… Please transfer and be around when the 30/01/2021 arrives. I’d love to see a friendly and familiar face. I will be partaking in water slides, mini golf, ice skating, and laser tag and I will consider surfing and rock climbing. I still have around 14 months to go until my holiday and I’m not giving up hope that I will see him again yet but maybe one day I will if I can’t see anything working, I can’t hold on to nothing forever.

16. Would I like to contact him? Would I like him to contact me? Fuck yes, but I’m not here to beg for his attention. I also feel I shouldn’t, that I haven’t got the right to, so I sit here quietly thinking about him and doing nothing about it…. So, I’ve said my piece. I’m interested in him and I think about him every day. Everything tells me not to be, but here I am, still interested. I’ve tried contacting before it didn’t work, and I can only hope I see him again sooner, rather than later, for one last opportunity and where possible, there’s a way around the situation- whether it works or not, whether I can try and contact him or not, time will tell. I do think he’s around again for a reason, I just hope that, that can extend out until January 2021 if that’s the only chance available. If everything fails, it fails, and at least I can say I tried without bailing before giving it a chance and I’ll accept whatever life throws at me, I’m used to that. I will ask though; I’d like to know why Australia is on the cards again at the same familiar home? I appreciate it regardless and although I hate the fact I’m not around this time and it’s so long before my holiday and wishing I could find the time to see him sooner, I’m sticking around aren’t I? I’ll just be over there instead of the familiar, as I said I’m loyal. All I can say is, please accept my feelings for what they are. I can’t ask for my feelings to be reciprocated even though I would like them to be, I guess I would just like them to be have been acknowledged.

[kuriyamamirairageblog]

Hello again. It’s been a while, huh? Nearly two years, it seems. Yesterday I felt the sudden urge to come around and give a status update on my blog. But, as it was already too late in the night, I figured I’d save it for today. Lots of things have happened in between now and then, so I guess I’ll save the details and jump to the main key aspects. I have finished my bachelors in psychology and started a master’s degree in cognitive neurosciences and neuropsychology. I don’t dislike the subjects studied, but I’m not enjoying the experience. I’m tired of studying the same things over and over. It feels like I’m constantly repeating the same subjects. It makes me feel demotivated. I end up slacking off when I should be doing productive things, and when I reach time periods dangerously close to deadlines, I feel like I’m about to burst with anxiety. Regardless, I’ve maintained a high-average sort of performance, which is great, considering I would like to have the course finished. There is however a set back... I hate the idea of the upcoming internship and master’s thesis. I just feel like it’s a degree of difficulty way too high for what I’ve been prepared for. Besides, just like in other professional areas, theory is a lot different from the actual clinical practice. A few people who work at certain institutes in Portugal went to lecture us during classes. They gave us their testimony about what it was like to work as a neuropsychologist. They were all arrogant people who frankly seemed to care a lot about their work but had not successfully managed to develop as human beings. I suppose I could develop a theory about “Artificial Sense of Empathy”, seen as I’ve been witnessing many cases of psychologists who seem too far away from humanity. Investigation is a no-go, too. I’m not good at it at all, and it doesn’t interest me the slightest. I have no drive for it. It’s dull to me. It’s a torturous kind of work, that I would not be able to do as a lifestyle. I worked as a waiter in a restaurant last summer. It was only good for a few weeks while I was learning the basics, and it was definitely a very outstanding experience in the aspect that I definitely won’t forget it and still talk a lot about it nowadays. But then things got kind of grim. I actually don’t mind the work in hospitality. It was fun to talk to costumers, serve tables, clean things, carry things around in the warehouse and what not. It was honestly amusing, and I can’t say it was a bad wage for a summer job at all. But, as the summer progressed, the boss and the work colleagues got progressively more stressed and started taking their frustrations out on the job. Moreover, due to relationship circumstances not having been the best at the time either, I got really into the job and decided to work in it full time, to get my mind out of things. That decision allowed me to get a very good understanding of what I was getting into, but it also had consequences. I was going in at 10:30 in the morning, leaving for “lunch break” at 4/5pm, then back in at 7  and only leaving at midnight again. Repeat: day after day, only with days off at Monday, from June to mid September. I can almost say that i had no summer, but i learned a lot along the way. I learned from experience the type of effort my parents had to make to able to afford the kind of lifestyle I have, with studies and things like that. But I can’t say it made me value my studies more... I know for a fact now that I won’t be able to handle a life like that because, at some point, I burned out completely and my psychological condition didn’t allow me to move. So I made the decision of never working full time on hospitality again, seen as I don’t want to go insane or have to deal with my colleagues’ frustrations. But I’ve got to make a living somehow and pay bills at some point, so I can’t just go on with part-time jobs forever... And if I don’t want to work in a restaurant like that nor as a neuropsychologist, then, what am I supposed to do? I’ve picked up the hobby of drawing. I got decent at it. Not too good. But decent. And I’ve always liked things like jewels and video games and things of the sort. I wish I could make a living out of something pleasurable like drawing or making jewelry, or even drawing video game characters and writing background stories... Something fantasy-ish that could really get me involved and grow attached to what I do. But there’s nothing like that for me here, and I’m not sure of how to look for it either. But I must confess I’m also very lazy. By now, I could have posted my drawings on tumblr or on deviantart, or something like that to see if I can attract notoriety. But i haven’t and there really is no excuse for it: it’s because I’m lazy and simply haven’t gotten around to do it. Because, instead of being productive, I watch videos or play computer games. I think I’m never really going to get anywhere if I keep at it like that, but for some reason, I just can’t get myself to move my own ass. I’m just so demoralized in that aspect, I always think that nothing is worth the effort. I can’t go on living like this. I must find a way to change that somehow. However, when it comes to the affection matter, things have taken a very complex journey into a place that I can be satisfied with. I’ll try to cut it as short as possible: I got involved with a guy who wasn’t very good for me. He wasn’t a healthy person. Not from the physical point of view, nor from the psychological one either. Moreover, he was economically dependent on a guy he had a relationship with but who he claimed he didn’t love. I thought I was able to support him - that I was strong enough. But I wasn’t, and my love for him didn’t last forever, either. It’s pointless to try to help someone when that someone is making active efforts to counter what you do for them. And I guess it’s preferable to suffer for not having someone than to fight for someone who you love but doesn’t want you back. I think I might have lost a few good friends because of how invested I was in him. At some point, a really close friend of mine told me that I had to learn how to let go and take care of myself, to end the suffering I was in. I can’t say i learned how to let go, but I can say that I learned that I should not disrespect myself to the point of bringing myself down for people who don’t deserve the effort. Careful assessment of one’s worth is necessary. I didn’t see a way out of the case I was in without getting my hands dirty though. I had already tried before to end things peacefully. I was not allowed to leave though. Not because of violence or anything, don’t get the wrong idea. But either he came crawling back or I felt like I couldn’t hold on and I’d try to reach out to him again. So I did things the only way I know. I created an entanglement of lies that I knew would collapse in such way they would destroy everything. He wouldn’t try to reach out to me and I wouldn’t try to reach out to him. It was a near success. I haven’t spoken to him in months and I’m feeling great about that. He tried to reach me a couple of times before via text messaging, but I was a smart fox and kept his number recorded on my cell phone. Every time i receive a text from him, I don’t read it. I delete it. A few months ago I joined a gay dating website. I didn’t have any objective in mind, I just didn’t like not having anyone to talk to. And I know I enjoy the company of men, to some extent, even if I don’t like sex as much as they do. A guy with a very revealing profile picture came texting me out of nowhere. I thought to myself  “oh my, what does this dog want from me?” I almost didn’t answer to his message, but at the time, I was in a “What the hell” mood, so I did. And he’s a gamer. And he’s a biologist. And he’s smart. And he’s super cute. And he makes me really happy. We’ve been dating for nearly three months now and we’re planning a living together. We’ve talked about getting married, and sooner or later, it’s bound to happen. For some reason, I have never felt I could trust someone like this. Of course I have certain insecurities. For example, he’s bisexual, I’m always a little worried that he might crave girls all of a sudden, because that’s always what happened to me in my previous experience with bisexual guys. But he lets me talk about my worries with him. He’s very empathetic and understanding with me, and I can calmly talk about any issue with him. And he does certain things that make me feel like he’s really into me and would never swap me out for anyone else. Everyday he makes efforts to make me believe that. And, even though, I can never reach the 100% trust because of my previous experiences and the scars they left me, I can say I’ve gotten as close as 99%. Love can’t be experienced in the same way for two different people, but I think I have fallen in love for the right person this time, and even if all else goes bad, I still have him. I hope so, anyway. Because, right now, where everything else seems so stressing with work, anxiety and lack of motivation to do things other than playing video games, he’s always there with me, and comes see me every day even though he has to drive all the way here.  I don’t really know what else to say. I feel like that’s already a pretty big post as is. I don’t know how regularly I’ll be posting, but I guess that would be whenever I feel like it. Sometimes, I feel like I complain too much, even though I should be more grateful for the things that happen to me. But I guess that’s just the way I am. And even though I complain about a lot of things, I know that I can appreciate the good things that come in my way. 

[idksheepthoughts]

Conversations Me: you actually soft blocked me....                                   any reason why?

Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late   but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked               but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it              

Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else             

Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that?         yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual                 since i've done nothing hostile to you as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.

Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...

Her: tumblr mobile? lol. if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations you always take it so personally (1) and then i have to dread these fcking conversations so when we've been talking normally on twitter                 it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you      because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter?                   and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2) if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :) so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things. this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing   and here we are, situations reversed  

Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.                                    

Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3) and no you havent god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it because why would i lie lol (4) i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely   i have insecurities too. i have enough

Me: ok it was an accident.

Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here  (5)           so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives

Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm.    and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist                                    

Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it              

Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.                             

Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x       (6) .those thoughts make me want to die      

Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.                        

Her: oh, now you believe me                     after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7) whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there     it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit             like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post  idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/                           like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for   (8)      i'd kill for it i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot     but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account                   where you seem ot think i live a dandy life   (9)                                    it fcking sucks bc im trying my best!                                           anyways im done lol           oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much)                    that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online      and we've been civil lately                         but ok! i guess i don't care!  because im living it up!       #sarcasm    (10)

Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either,  i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends? THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...    

Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :)       (Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)                           

Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens   & since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :)             god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff   liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything                 i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend  

ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and  I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation. Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed.  But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.                   

Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something    "idc if its an exaggeration"                                      ^^^^^^^             unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao    (11)     apparnetly you get to be and i dont                             thats how it always is            did you ever think about it feels for me   when my only friend does shit like this constantly    like lmao                                ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view  this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care       LOL     and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me       like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this  like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends  i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it?    but you just want to assume, assume, assume   (12) i cried already out of anger    

Me: I didn't have friends in college either                                 

Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation

ME: Okay

Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit       because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit      

Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be. You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic   It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser.     I'll shut up now.