#and realize that racism against inuit was not only stupid but deadly & that respect and cooperation was key for survival. good for u john

[cashmere-caveman]

every single failed (ant)arctic explorers biography reads like sir james john was born the seventeenth of 24 children to an english bourgeois family of chronic overachievers.

in his search to find a niche in which to prove himself he stumbled upon the written account of sir douglas alexander (6 knighthood titles) where he describes his failed attempt to chart the canadian coastline that resulted in the death of more than half his party members and several hushed up incidences of murder cannibalism and attempted insubordination. alexanders heroic report of failing to listen to indigenous advice and attempting to manhaul (provisions included 17kg tea per man as necessary ration) across the stupidest possible route against all better judgement inspired the then 13 year old john to sign up to join the navy.

after a steep career during the napoleonic wars mostly thanks to incompetence of his superiors and recognition of his perfect english background he achieved lasting fame for leading the doomed 1853 expedition mostly known for its catastrophic failure. employing methods we now know to be ineffective to the point of actively advancing the starvation of his men and their mental and physical deterioration, he was regarded at the time as a hero of the likes of homeric demigods.

this was further cemented by the racist disbelief of indigenous reports regarding the fate of his crew (eyewitness testimony suggests they were half crazed and engaging in cannibalism, refusing native food even when freely offered to instead maul their comrades) which prompted a reactionary collective apotheosis of his person by the british public.

five years after the last life sign two corpses believed to be him and his personal valet were found clutching letters praising the british empire and expressing their joy to die in the pursuit of total world domination through explorative conquest. modern calculations show that had he used dogsleds (which he decried as unmanly) he would have made his sucessful return back to the anchored ship in under three weeks with enough provisions left for his home journey to excuse a detour to malaysia.

described by contemporary critics as a stubborn, authoritative man with no physical stamina who would collapse unless he got three square meals a day, his status as an icon of the declining british empire manifested in the posthumous erection of no less than 68 statues and monuments to his name. 23 polar landmarks are named after him until this day.

in his personal life he hated the irish, and notably once "adopted" an indigenous girl during his stint as governor of british overseas territories. the girls family was alive the whole time and despite her already having a western name due to colonial influences he renamed her [racist made up name to sound more exotic] when he took her into his household at six months old after stealing her from her parents. once he was recalled to england due to politival infighting wrt management of the territory he left the 13 year old girl behind without a second thought. she would die several years later at age 17 from suicide. after his death his widow comissioned six operas in his memory.