#and raise you titles inspired by MCR lyrics

[katreneebug]

I'm Okay (Trust Me) (Part 1/3)

Summary: Defeating Rapheal, and subsequently obtaining the Orphic Hammer, had gone exceptionally well. At least in comparison to how things usually go. However, as the companions move forward with their plans of parasitic liberation, Astarion can’t help but notice that their leader, and his lover, isn’t quite herself. Despite Tav’s assurances, the vampire spawn can tell that the events befalling The House of Hope still haunt her in more ways than one.

Parings: Tav x Astarion, Minor Shadowheart x Lae'zel

Warnings: Explicit content, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Dubious Consent, Sexual Coercion, Slight Victim Balming, Sexual Trauma, Eventual Smut

A/N: I decided to write this after I got through the House of Hope on my first playthrough. At first I was really excited at the prospect of getting to bed an incubus in the game but after everything was done I kind of felt off about the whole thing. Especially given that the player, after deciding not to fight, is given the choice to either let Haarlep use their image to have sex with a bunch of strangers or straight up die. It hit a little too close to home in regard to my own sexual trauma and how that has affected my self-esteem, relationships, and mental health.

I want to stress that there are some aspects of the story that don't match with the gameplay. An example of this would be going beyond the party size. You can pretend that this story is based on that no-limit companion mod lol.

Link to AO3: Here

            No last-minute begging had left Rapheal’s lips when Karlach raised her axe above him. The fact that it had been the final stroke came as a surprise to Astarion and, based upon the silence that drenched the room, the others. Not too far behind her could hear Tav panting, her magic practically drained to its limits. In the peripheral of his eyes, he could see Shadowheart’s armor move up and down as she too sought to catch her breath.

            Hope, who appeared the most worn out of the bunch, stood frozen to her spot by the door. Karlach noticed her immediately and moved to check on her, weapon still sunk deep within Rapheal’s chest. Astarion took the opportunity to walk over to him, caution obvious in the way he gripped his dagger.  

            There was no final spook to be had, though. Rapheal was dead, eyes wide and mouth slightly a gape with no more theatrics left on his tongue.  Good Riddance, he thought. A smirk danced onto his lips as he decided it was okay to turn back towards his companions. Hope was no longer a statue, the erratic motions from before returned vigorously as she took in their victory.

            The memory of Cazador lying vanquished on the ground materialized in his mind. He brushed it away quickly as Tav’s eyes landed on himself. A half-smile was the most she could muster before Lae’zel garnered her attention, talks of the next step towards freeing Orpheus’ flew from the githyanki’s mouth in rapid, yet precise, order. The lines in Tav’s forehead creased as she let her friend speak. Deciding to take pity on his lover, Astarion moved to stand beside her.

            “—The Emperor will know of what we have done, we must act fast upon our return.”

            “I—”

            “Surely you can’t expect us to go straight into the undercity of Baldur’s Gate after quite literally killing a devil.” Lae’zel sharp glare snapped up to meet his eyes. “I for one am not doing anything till I’ve had time to clean up, all of this.” His hand, the one not resting centimeters away Tav’s lower back, motioned to the state of his armor. Rapheal and his friends had left the floors of the foyer dripping in all sorts of blood and guts and, while Astarion’s body was happily intact, his outfit begged to differ.

            “He’s right, we should get some rest before meeting with Voss.” Lae’zel’s head snapped to see Shadowheart approaching. “It would be foolish to confront a mind flayer and a devil on the same day.” Lae’zel didn’t reply immediately, though the answer for what they should do was clear, she was not any happier to admit it.

            “All right,” she spat. “Prepare for an early departure by dawn, I will not wait for anyone.”

            “Of course,” he hummed with a dismissive wave.

. . .

            “I’m just saying we should take some more time to discuss our next course of action.” Gale instinctively backed up as Lae’zel stalked his receding form. “It would be unwise to go in all wands blazing without considering the effect this might have.”

            “I am not leaving my Prince at the hands of a ghaik any longer.” Astarion had no interest in interfering on the wizard’s behalf. Watching the man sweat was more than amusing. “The only thing unwise would be for you to continue talking.”

            “What if freeing Orpheus leads to us losing our only protection from the absolute.” It was Wyll who stepped in between the two. No surprises there, the vampire thought. Lae’zel had burst through the doors of their room at the inn with an attitude ready to fight the next person who dared to go against her plans.

            “It will, I’ve already told you that freeing Orpheus will only result in him—”

            ���Will someone please get the squid to shut up.” Astarion winced, feeling the pain of The Emperors telepathy within his mind. How lucky Halsin and Jaheira were to not feel such an annoying headache.

            “Gladly,” Lae’zel sneered.

            “There are still other issues that we need to address.” Halsin’s voice passed by Astarion from behind, he could feel the bear of a man coming closer to the group before passing the vampire all together to aid Wyll and Gale from the Lae’zel’s wrath. “Orin and Gortash are still alive, it would be best to get rid of them before going to the astral plane.

            “Agreed, we cannot allow the absolute to draw more power from the city. It’s time we faced them.” Halsin nodded an acknowledgement at Jaheira, her argument adding to the growing resistance.  

            Quickly the room devolved into a mass of bickering, Lae’zel mostly fighting alone on her side. It took Astarion a few moments to realize that there was something off about the whole scene. It stumped him briefly but the soft steps of someone else moving about in the background was the answer.

            “Not going to step in, dearest?” Tav jumped a bit as Astarion walked towards her, his back now to the group. “It’s very unlike you.”

            “It’s been a long day,” the bed bounced slightly as she dropped her pack onto it. “And I don’t feel like picking a fight with Lae’zel.” If only the rest were that smart, he thought. “She’ll see reason soon enough, anyways. We really do need to usurp Orin and Gortash while we can.”

            “I’m sure she will,” his lips curled. “Right after she breaks a couple of Gale and Wyll’s ribs, of course.”

            “Shadowheart will fix them up,” her body joined the bag as she sat down onto the covers. “Or Halsin, either way they’ll be fine.”

            “I love this newfound ‘compassion’ of yours,” he briefly glanced away, catching sight of a smaller person far from the argument occurring. Either Yenna was blissfully unaware or was doing a great job at pretending everything was okay. “I just wish you had acquired it earlier.” Then maybe they wouldn’t be stuck worrying about every little orphan who manipulated Tav’s kindness.

            “They’re adults, they can take care of themselves.” He raised an eyebrow at this. Was she really letting things go for once. “I’m tired and I want to sleep.” She wasn’t looking at him anymore, choosing to instead dig around into her bag that she never organized, even at his insistence.

            “Fair enough,” a level of trepidation lined his voice. Before he could ask if she was alright, a loud clang hit the floor behind him, silencing the bickering voices. He turned away instinctively, catching sight of Lae’zel stomping away towards the door. A dagger, no doubt previously aimed towards the other men, laid forgotten at Halsin’s feet.

            “Fine,” she spat, casting one last glance towards them before nearly kicking the door off its hinges. “Cowards, all of you.” With that, she was gone. Shadowheart moved a few steps, considering the possibility of going after her, before ultimately stopping. Even from her his spot, Astarion could see the way her jaw clenched, hands balled at her sides.

            The rest of them dispersed to their own spots in the room, silence hung in the air uncomfortably. Karlach’s, he noticed, took a moment to collect Lae’zel’s dagger. She rarely used such a small weapon in combat, opting for her painfully heavy sword and bow. The little thing glinted in the light briefly before the Tiefling went to place it neatly on Lae’zel’s bunk.

            Such a mess they were, he thought with a shake of his head.

. . .

            He tried not to stare too much at Tav. His own bed had been placed directly next to hers and it was becoming harder to ignore the way she shifted and squirmed under the covers. Sleep came easily to the girl, at least most of the time. Her experience with combat and adventuring was limited before the parasite, her body unuse to such strenuous work. She rarely complained, though. The only indicator that this was tough for her especially being how quickly she tuckered out at the end of the day.

            There was a chance that some of the chatter was keeping her up. The silence hadn’t lasted too long before Karlach, Shadowheart, and Jaheira set up some type of card game. They weren’t particularly loud, save for whenever Karlach gained the upper hand in the game. Gale had tried shushing her a couple of times before ultimately giving up. The book in his hands had eventually engrossed him enough to tune it all out.

            When moonlight began to seep through their windows, Tav snores still not filling the air, Astarion decided to forsake his own spot. Standing over her crumbled form brought back the memory of the first time he had attempted to drink her blood. The few nights before that had been increasingly painful as he watched her lie so sweetly under the stars. Over time she felt less like a person and more like a beautiful feast, all set out for him alone. It was a shock, looking back, how long he held out on partaking.

            Her reaction to noticing him looming over her this time around was much less frantic. A little bit of surprise played on her parted lips as she slowly sat up to speak. There was still a hint of innocence in her eyes whilst meeting his gaze. Scores of monsters and cultists had perished under her spells and blades and yet it didn’t jade her the way it would for other humans.

            So precious, he thought.

            “Is something wrong?” It came out as a whisper, her eyes glancing left to confirm that Wyll remained unmoving in his bunk.

            “I was actually just about to ask you that, darling.” He wasn’t as quiet as her, unafraid that the Blade of Frontiers would wake up easily. “You’ve been acting peculiarly since we got back, care to enlighten me?”

            “I told you I was tired,” she looked away. “It’s been a very long day.”

            “And yet you’ve been tossing and turning for nearly an hour.” He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling a little too much like a scolding parent than a partner.

            “I . . .” She trailed off, knees moving up to support her chest as she leaned forward. “There’s just a lot on my mind right now. Between the netherstones and Orpheus, it’s just overwhelming.”

            “Anything I can do to help,” the bed dipped as he took a seat. There was little space between the two of them now and a part of him buzzed pleasantly at the thought of pulling her into an embrace. They hadn’t been all that touchy as of late. His confession at Moonrise had practically halted most forms of intimacy between them. An outsider looking in wouldn’t have guessed how close the two of them were in comparison to the others. Feather light touches and the occasional hug made up most of the relationship now. Sometimes he would steal a kiss, a usually quick action that ended before Tav had much time to register the affection.

            They had on occasion shared a bedroll back when they were out in the wild. She’d curl up against his side, a hand resting on the part of his chest where his heart once beat. He’d count the constellations whilst listening to the change in her breathing, the obvious indicator that she had plunged into a deep sleep. There, hidden from Cazador and the absolute, a flutter would come and go underneath his ribs. Perhaps he wasn’t all that dead.

            “No, I’ll be okay.” She shook her head, hair rustling against the sides of her face. “Don’t worry about me, please.”

            “Easier said than done, my dear.” The little pout that appeared on her lips decided his next move for him. “Now, scout over.” Tav’s eyes widened, gaze snapping back up to his face. She was still for a few moments, studying his features with an intensity one might have for a major test.

            Little voices scrapped against the back of his mind as he exalted all his control in keeping a calm demeanor. Any doubt or uncertainty would have Tav pushing him away. She was always so concerned about his comfort. It was welcomed graciously most of the time but, as much as the sentiment warmed his icy body, it could also sting. He was not nearly as fragile as she seemed to think he was.

            She only puts up with you because she pities you.

            “O-Okay,” Astarion almost breathed out a sigh of relief when she complied with the request. He wasted no time in joining her under the covers, lest she change her mind at his reluctance.

            She was rigid against him, even after he comfortably adjusted against the mattress. Instead of holding him, like she used to, Tav rolled over so that her back was facing him instead. Both of her hands clenched the sheets rather than his clothes. It unnerved him even more than the silence that passed between him.

            “You know,” he whispered. “I was afraid that your droopy mood had something to do with vanquishing our old ‘friend’, Rapheal.” Acidity coated his pronunciation of the devil’s name. Tav’s body twitched when she heard it, somehow tensing even more than before.

            “I’m glad he’s dead,” disdain leaked from her mouth as she sought to relax her body. “I wish I had cut out his tongue earlier, though. I can still hear his stupid, dramatic voice in my head.”

            “Perhaps I can take your mind off of it?” The sly words fell out of Astarion’s mouth without him even having a chance to think it over. Flirtatiousness was an instinct after two centuries and getting rid of it wasn’t something easily undone. A heaviness set within his chest, an all too familiar panic that he may have gone too far. She shook in his grasp and that heaviness gave way to bitter bile. Swallowing it down with a cough, Astarion placed a hand on her shoulder. “Forgive me, I didn’t—”

            “It’s fine.” Her statement, spoken quicker than before, felt like a cut. “I’m not in the mood, anyways.”

            Not in the mood for you, at least.

            She thinks you’d break under her touch.

            Besides, why would she want you when she just had him.

            He inhaled sharply at the memory conjured up by the swirling voices. He would have kicked himself for carelessness had she not been lying next to him. Amid their quest within the House of Hope, Astarion had been able to push down their interaction with Rapheal’s favorite toy. Now, with her distant yet so close, he could no longer.

. . .

            “I beg your pardon,” the snap of Astarion’s voice rang within the chamber. The marble floor beneath his feet nearly crumbled under the stomp of his boots. A hand kept him from getting closer to the bed before them. “Would you like to repeat that little request?”

            “I said,” the incubus’ eyes looked only at Tav. “Take off your clothes.”

            “Uh, why?” Her voice bordered on cracking. It was her fingers that kept him from throwing a dagger between Haarlep’s eyes.

            “Do you or do you not want my help,” playfulness dripped from the incubus as he rolled softly against the covers of the mattress. “I at least deserve something from you, seeing as you’re asking for so much.”

            “And you’re asking for an arrow through the throat.” Astarion grumbled, fingers flexing and ready for Tav to give the orders to fight.

            “Hypothetically, what were to happen if I did take off my clothes.” His jaw clenched as the human woman spoke slowly.  

            “Well,” he drawled, lips curling in a cat like smirk. “Let’s just say it’s a surprise.”

            “A surprise from an incubus? I wonder what that could possibly be,” Astarion’s mocking voice did little to faze the other man.

            “No need to be so jealous, little spawn.” The grip on Astarion’s shoulder tightened, Tav accurately guessing how restraint was practically peeling away from him. “I have only the best of intentions in mind.”

            “Oh really—”

            “Gives a moment, if that’s okay.” Tav began to pull against him, trying to bring him back towards the group. Haarlep nodded his head which was answer enough for Tav to motion for the companions to form a huddle of sorts.

            “We’re killing him, right?” An unsureness plagued Tav’s face as she shied away from his intense gaze.

            “Honestly, taking up his offer might be the best option.” He made a point to glare at Shadowheart. She looked only at Tav though, not bothering with the pissy vampire. “As much as I want to avoid it, a fight with Rapheal is practically inevitable at this point. Especially if we go through with freeing Hope. I’d rather we save up our resources for that fight instead of wasting it on him.” She motioned towards the incubus with a jerk of her chin.

            “If it were me, I’d rather gut him.” Lae’zel chimed in before Astarion could retort. “But I am not the one he is asking for.” Her gaze fell to Tav.

            “I’m completely fine with ripping his annoying face off,” Karlach glanced back at the Rapheal look-a-like. “But yeah, it’s up to you soldier.”

            “I mean,” the human’s face contorted as pros and cons weighed back and forth within her mind. “If we go against him, who knows what other cronies he’d bring into the fight. Plus, it can make it that much harder to get back to the hammer in time.”

            She wants to say yes to him, the offer is rather tempting.

            “Exactly, I say we get the hammer first with as little complications as possible.” Very few times had Shadowheart’s neck looked so perfectly ready to be ripped out in Astarion’s eyes.

            “Why don’t you take her place, if the choice is so easy.” She rolled her eyes at him.

            “I don’t see why not,” her lips curled up in a bitter smirk. “I’m sure he’s all sorts of fun.”

            “Such a tempting offer,” Haarlep’s voice broke into the group. Apparently, the huddle was pointless if he could hear everything from his side of the room. “But I have my sights set on your little leader. She’s stirred up Rapheal quite a bit with how passionately she denied his deal.”

            “Pity,” the former Sharran mumbled.

            “Now if you lot are somehow able to survive this little trip, I’d be more than happy to pencil you in for a play date, half-elf.” A silent chuckle left Shadowheart’s lips as she shook her head. Astarion couldn’t tell if she’d be against such an offer in the future.

            “Fight or Fornicate, make up your mind before we’re out of choices.” Lae’zel turned back to Tav as the human seemed even more indecisive than before.

            “I . . .” Her eyes met his then, as the rest of the group waited in bated breath for an answer. They stared at each other as each passing second felt even slower than the last.

            She wants your permission.

            You’ve left her longing for too long.

            The answer to her needs is practically begging to relieve her.

            He could do so, so much more for her.

            She’s tired of waiting for you to get a grip. So tired of holding your pathetic hand.

            I’d be cruel to deny her such an experience.

            “. . . It’s up to you, my love.” Throwing the façade of acceptance on his face wasn’t too hard to do. He had done it so many times before, he had practically become a master of it at this point. “I won’t hold it against you, whatever you decide.”

            She was quiet, facing smoothing at as her decision was made within her mind. She turned back to Haarlep first, prompting the others to do the same. Astarion, though, kept most of his attention on her and not the creature he wanted to eviscerate.

            Something inside him shattered as her lithe fingers went to the hem of her shirt. The realization that she was about to disrobe in front of Haarlep and their friends hit him like a pommel strike. The voices in his head were twisting wildly within his mind and somehow, throughout the horror of it all, he found himself bitterly thankful for Tav’s choice in today’s team.

            It was no secret that all their companions had, at one point, made a pass at Tav. Her rejection of them always had a sliver of satisfaction rolling up his spine. In Karlach, Shadowheart, and Lae’zel’s case, they had taken her no rather well. It was easy enough for the later two who had begun ‘sparring’ away from the eyes of the camp sometime after their interaction with the creche. Their excuse was that they needed more space to fight and that they didn’t want to ‘accidentally’ hurt someone during the intense training.  

            Hate sex is the best sex, Tav had muttered one night as she and Astarion caught the two women glaring at each other whilst walking off into the woods. He had curled his lips at the scandalous statement, deciding silently to remember the tidbit for a possible future tryst.

            Karlach, Astarion realized, was just happy to have the embrace of a friend. Romance had been easily forgotten by the Tiefling. The same couldn’t be said for Gale and Wyll. They had assured her that it was alright before and Tav had taken it at face value. Astarion knew better though, could see it in the way their eyes followed her. When she spoke, they would glance at her lips and look away as if caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar. The vampire spawn sometimes basked in the longing he could see within them every time he displayed even the smallest of Tav’s reciprocated affections.

            “Could you all go guard the door,” snapping out his trance, Astarion watched as Tav put a pause on removing her clothes. “The last thing we need is Rapheal waltzing in.”

            “Of course,” Shadowheart was the first to comply. Lae’zel quirked an eyebrow for a moment before leaving as well. He could feel Karlach looking back and forth between him and Tav. Reluctantly she placed a hand on his shoulder and encouraged him to walk away with her. Though her engine had been fixed, her palm was practically scalding against the thin fabric of his disguise.

            “We’re just across the room,” he murmured. “In case you need us.”

            With a nod of Tav’s head, Astarion finally complied with Karlach’s touch. The two turned around to trail after the other members of their party. He focused on the echo of the grand faucets flowing hot water into the pool between them. Anything to keep from catching the sound of whatever surprise the incubus had in mind.

            “You okay?” Astarion growled lowly at the question. He knew that Karlach’s concern was genuine, deep down, yet he couldn’t help but feel only irritation.

            “Of course I am.” He sneered; he wasn’t the one stuck staring at Rapheal’s stupid face. He considered telling them to not talk to him, as he was in no mood. Yet the little chatter that passed between the other three was something to hold onto. Very little went by the doorway of the boudoir, just a couple of miserable waifs limping about. A wonderful reminder of what might happen to them sooner rather than later.

            “—Must we waste time freeing her.”

            “Are you suggesting we leave Hope chained to this asshole.” He didn’t want to look behind him to watch their argument.

            “The longer we stay here, the more likely we are to join her.” Shadowheart’s voice was farthest away. A little too far for his liking, more likely to see what was happening past the pool.

            It must be quite a show, maybe she’ll tell you all the gory details later.

            Or maybe Tav will, how long will it be before his name passes those luscious lips.

            She won’t want you after this.

            What’s the point of a pretty face when that’s all it is. She’ll get sick of looking at it when she realizes she could have more.

            He didn’t know how much time had passed when Shadowheart’s voice cut through the mess in his head.

            “It looks like they’ve stopped,” gods he was going to throw up. “Come on.”

            Luckily the half-elf was correct. By the time the four of them had come to the other end of the room, Haarlep was already off the bed and looking starkly different from before. Instead of the near perfect imitation of Rapheal, he had shifted into a woman. An improvement, yes, but still too like the devil in looks. Tav was shimmying her shirt back on, something black and tight coverd the rest of her body. She hadn’t worn it before.

            Haarlep, noticing their return, locked eyes with him particularly. The ends of his lips twisted higher than they had before. In the blink of an eye the new feminine form shifted into something all too familiar. Instead of the Rapheal look alike, a copy of Tav now smirked at him.

            To his utter displeasure, the incubus was gone before the shock could lift. Tav didn’t waste time in collecting the contents of the safe. The portrait of Rapheal broke in half under her hands as she pried it off the wall. It was tossed unceremoniously across the floor. If only they had time to destroy more of the devil’s tacky décor.

            “Let’s go,” Tav was striding past them. Determination set within the crease of her forehead. There were questions on the tongue of each one of them. Ultimately their curiosity was left unspoken.

[eyelessfaces]

I don't love you like I did yesterday

poe dameron x reader

summary: it’s not because he, poe dameron, gives you more attention and affection than your own boyfriend ever will that you are in love with him — loosely inspired by this post.

warnings: angst, complicated relationships, love triangle?, mentions of marriage, break up, refusing a proposal, internal conflict, doubting your relationship, emotional infidelity? if that's a thing, alcohol consumption. reader wears a dress at some point

tags: f!reader, I don't wanna spoil too much and don't read this if you don't want to be but; mutual pining, love confessions, he fell first AND harder, fluff and,, more

word count: 5.6k

yes. mcr lyrics as a title. in 2024. I know. but don't look at me the lyrics strangely fit so,,

masterlist | taglist | ao3

updates blog: @eyelessupdates

You don’t love him; you are almost sure of that. 

It’s not because you laugh at every single one of his stupid, lame jokes made just for you to laugh and because you blush everytime you catch him staring at you from across the room that you love him. 

It’s not because he, Poe Dameron, gives you more attention and affection than your own boyfriend ever will that you are in love with him.

It’s not because your boyfriend blames you for being too close to him that you are.

It’s not because you wish it would have been Poe down on one knee proposing to you that it is the reason you told Kass you’re not ready for this yet.

And it’s not because you question your situation every single night that it means you have to change anything about it. You should be happy with Kass. You are.

Yet, you wish you were certain of all of that.

It has been two days already, and the guilt keeps eating away at you, like a bacteria gnawing at your feelings, particularly starving for the reasonable part of you that knows you said no for your own well being. 

Kass makes it worse; the dark glances thrown at you whenever you bump into each other during the day and his lame excuses to ditch you whenever you want to talk to him make you feel like a monster, and though you know that it is exactly the way he wants you to feel, you can’t help it.

The situation is hard to swallow and bury deep in the back of your mind when you’re out on missions, and though you rarely ever get distracted because you know how important attention and concentration is in your job, the whirlwind of thoughts has been floating over the surface, and your focus has been off, you know it. And you’re not the only one who knows it.

Your head turns when you feel a light nudge at your arm, having dismissed Poe’s presence in your peripheral vision due to your distraction. His eyebrows raise when you look at him, and he gazes at you like the mist of your thoughts is still present over your face and he wants to shake you awake.

“You alright?” he asks before you look back at your squadron wrapping the mission equipment, setting it back in the ships.

“Yeah,” you breathe out, burying your hands in your pockets. You should feel alright. The mission went well despite your clear lack of attention, and you’ve given your life to the Resistance at this point, so you should be thankful that you succeed in most things you do in its name, right now even, considering the situation.

Poe looks down on the floor, kicking away a small rock there that dribbles down the hill. “You've always been an awful liar” he mutters under his breath, not buying it. 

“Right” you scoff, your head dropping to shake it. He looks back up at you and you can feel his insistent gaze upon you, which eventually makes you break. “I don’t wanna bother you with my stupid problems” 

He snorts, “Come on, you know I’m always here to listen to your stupid problems” he says playfully, nudging your arm with his elbow again. “That are often not that stupid actually” he adds. 

There’s a silence settling between the both of you, and right before Poe aborts and figures you don’t wanna talk about it, you sigh. “Kass proposed.”

“Oh” the sound slips from his mouth, and accurately represents his surprise, his voice dropping a bit from the shock. He doesn’t know what to say, not really. This situation would have been on the list of things he would have never expected or even considered to happen. 

This eventuality had never, ever occurred to him somehow, not yet, and now, all at once, the fear creeps in and becomes real; he is going to have to watch you get married, going to have to sit there amongst guests, he’s going to have to watch you be happy with someone else than him.

But he wants you to be happy, with or without him, so he will watch. It isn’t like he has the choice, anyways.

He lightly clears his throat, trying to dismiss the tight knot starting to form there, and smiles. The worst thing about it is the fact that it is genuine, he is truly happy for you. You deserve this.

Maybe Kass doesn’t, though. He doesn't deserve you. You’re too good for a half assed mechanic like him that, from a professional point of view, fucks up too often to still be there; but from what Poe hears around, it tends to be the same on other levels than just the professional one.

“Well, that’s great! Congrats,” his half cheerful voice wavers a little, but you don’t seem to notice as your lips form a polite smile that slightly turns perplexed, uncomfortable. “What’s wrong about that” he asks now, concerned when he sees your frown. 

Your teeth graze your bottom lip. “I said no.”

“Oh” he watches as you raise your eyebrows, nodding. “I’m sorry” he adds. “I mean–”

“Yeah” you exhale.

“Why?”

That is the real question. Why? Why wouldn’t you want to marry your boyfriend you are supposed to be in love with? Why did you feel so awful at the feeling of his hand over yours when he shot the question?

“I don’t–” you start, thoughts running around your head. You’re not really sure about what you want to say, you’re not even precisely sure why you said no. There were so many reasons, but you couldn’t pick the exact one. “I think I’m not ready.”

Poe doesn't say anything. You stay there upon the small hill you watch your respective teams from. They’re almost done putting everything back.

You think you want to cry. You’re not really sure why. You think you want to dig a hole in that hill and stay hidden there for the rest of time.

“Poe, I don't think I wanna spend the rest of my life with him.” you mutter, looking ahead as if your confession would make you feel less guilty if you didn’t look your friend in the eye. “Is that wrong?” you ask as you turn to him. 

“Yeah, well I don’t blame you” he scoffs, and you do too, knowing how Poe feels about Kass. 

You should have known, it should have been a sign. Poe is kind, compassionate, and when he doesn’t like someone, it is because he has reasons to.

“That’s not wrong.” he continues, his tone serious now. “It would have been wrong if you said yes even though you knew damn well you didn’t want to marry him” he nods. “It's not the end of the galaxy if you said no. He'll get over it”

“Yeah” you sigh. “He keeps acting like it's my fault”

“Really?” he asks, raising an eyebrow in astoundment. He shouldn’t be surprised.

“Yeah. He avoids me and sends me death glares like I murdered his family or something” you snort, realizing the stupidity of it all now that you say it out loud. Kass has always been somehow childish, but this exceeds everything you could expect from him.

“Wow okay” Poe shakes his head, a small exhale of desperation escaping his mouth before he speaks again. “Well, you know how I feel about him, sweetheart.”

“I know” you confirm, sending him a weak smile. He answers you with a pinched one, and as your squad finishes their tasks and starts to gather together, Poe reaches out and squeezes your shoulder reassuringly before turning to join them.

He turns back to you quickly, “You know what? My squadron is having drinks on Coruscant tonight to have some fun before we leave for the week. You should join us” 

You nod and watch him go, and feel the need to take one fat fucking breath before eventually joining everyone else.

—

Even though it is almost dry by now, the stain over your dress is still ridiculously visible. If the girl that had spilled it over you earlier hadn’t profusely apologized for it you would have most likely have had a go at her because of the awful mental state you were in – you were yourself surprised to notice how blatantly dismissive and weary you had been of that incident – it had been nothing compared to the past few days you just had. 

Poe looks over at you, your gaze planted onto your glass of Black Hole as your fingers absentmindedly drum against the table; your choice of drink says it all, and though you might want to get properly drunk, Poe is strictly against it if it means you plan on moping all night long. He finishes his drink, planting a hand over your shoulder as he leans closer to you.

“Wanna go dance now?” Poe shouts in your ear, trying to overlap the loud music blasting. You scoff and shake your head, “I’m not really in the mood”

“That's exactly why we need to,” he affirms with his usual charismatic grin as he takes a hold of your hand and pulls you to the middle of the room anyway. “Come on!” you give in when you realize he’s not really asking, dragging you through the crowd. “You know I'm leaving tomorrow morning, you owe me a dance”

“Okay” you laugh as you put your hands over his shoulders, his coming to rest at either side of your waist. 

You move stiffly at first, your eyes rolling playfully when Poe gives way more energy into it than you do, and despite yourself, you start to smile, and make an effort to match his energy.

Poe spins you around, his movements confident as he tries to cheer you up. "Just follow my lead, okay?" he says, his voice warm and encouraging. He twirls you under his arm smoothly, and you can’t help but laugh as he dips you dramatically, catching you with ease; he’s intimidatingly close to your face before he leans to your ear. “See? I’m not an awful dancer”

“Is there even something you’re not good at at this point,” you rhetorically ask as you both stand straight again, the movement making your head spin a little because of the alcohol. 

“Following orders, probably” he jokes, still swaying with you. You laugh and let your forehead rest over his shoulder, your eyes shutting as you take a deep breath; it might have been the only moment in those past few days where you genuinely let go of all your worries.

“Hey, we should go outside, it’s hot in here. And loud” Poe proposes as you both still sway, his hand gently cradling your back.

“Sure” you nod with a smile. “Wait– I’ll join you there, I’m gonna get us drinks”

There’s a grin plastered over his face and a glint in his eyes as he glances at you when you join him outside, your drinks in hands. The cool night air is a welcome change from the overwhelming warmth inside the cantina.

“What?” you scoff, looking down at yourself, trying to figure out the reason behind his amused expression.

“Nothing” he shrugs off, taking his drink from you, but not before you catch the way his eyes linger on you.

“It’s the stain, isn’t it” you whine and sigh as you pull at the fabric of your dress to observe it. “Didn’t realize it looked that stupid”

He giggles as his mouth is still full of his drink. “It’s stylish” he admits with a cheeky grin.

You scoff and roll your eyes, your giggle fading as you both take a sip of your drinks, the silence between you comfortable as the muffled hum of the cantina’s activity buzzes just behind you. Then, out of nowhere, just as you’re about to talk again, Poe breathes out your name, his expression changing, becoming more serious as you glance at him expectantly.

“I’m in love with you.” he blurts out, like words are falling out of his mouth from being held there for too long. 

You huff out a laugh. “No,” you laugh, the taste of your drink still warm in your throat. You frown a bit when you notice he doesn't waver, doesn't flinch, doesn't drop his expression to admit this is some kind of joke now that he knows it's not working on you. 

“Yes I am” he declares, as serious as he is when he needs to be in his job.

You chuckle, still not fully believing what he's saying. “Are you drunk Poe?” 

“Wha– no– no I’m not” he frowns, his eyebrows knitting together in earnest. “I mean it. I'm in love with you.” he affirms, his eyes searching yours with a seriousness that makes your heart skip a beat.

You pause, taken aback by the tone of his voice – he's sincere, he's not playing around. “You can’t.”

“I know.” he declares with a nod, his gaze never leaving yours. “I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore” he admits as his expression softens. “I don’t want this to ruin our relationship” he says, his voice calmer now. “And I know you can’t feel the same” he nods, “And that’s okay.” 

You pinch your lips together. You're not sure what to say. You nod eventually, acknowledging it all, processing his declaration. “Well” you say finally, your voice barely louder than a whisper. “I, uh, I’ll go get another drink.”

Your glass is still mostly full.

Poe nods, swallowing with difficulty as he watches you turn and head back inside.

The sounds of laughter as you enter the cantina again make you sick to your stomach.

—

This went awful. He didn’t expect any less. He didn’t expect anything in the first place; his impulsiveness finally got the best of him.

Having to swallow it down and play it like it didn’t happen felt more humbling than every time he has had to admit he made a mistake. Jessika’s story about the maintenance issues with her X-wing is slowly starting to blur, and Poe isn’t even sure she’s still on that topic of that – at this point – one sided discussion, as he can’t help but glance over at you, talking to Karé until he eventually realizes you aren’t there with him anymore. 

“Poe!” Jessika scolds him, making him turn back to her. She sighs, “You’re not even listening”

“Sorry” he apologizes, looking around the room to figure out if you’re still there. “I gotta go, keep that story for later” he nods, patting her shoulder before turning away.

“I just finished telling it,” she huffs out in disbelief, Poe’s repeated apology fading with the music as he disappears through the crowd.

You’re not in the cantina, not anymore. Karé tells him you went out for fresh air, and he finds you on the flight of stairs on the side of the building, hidden from everyone.

"I was looking for you," he halts– you're crying; you're there, sitting on the stairs, looking up from where you were hiding your face in your hands crying. "What's wrong?" he asks, his voice wavering with surprise; he thought you were having a good night despite everything, having fun with Karé, he thought he had been able to make you forget about your problems for a moment. But no, and he obviously knows what’s wrong, because he managed to fuck it all up by confessing his feelings for you without thinking about it twice.

You pinch your lips, trying to repress new tears as you wipe away the ones rolling down your face. "Nothing," you mumble, shaking your head. "It's alright."

Poe sighs softly, walking up to you and sitting down with you. 

He softly nudges your shoulder with his own, “You're rocking that stain,” he says, a small grin over his face. “For what it’s worth, you could even rock a First Order suit, so,” he smiles as he watches you laugh between sniffles. “You don't have to worry about that.”

He sighs, and his tone grows more serious. "I'm sorry I said everything I said. I shouldn't have burdened you with my feelings" he admits. His voice is filled with regret. He should have kept that for himself, for now anyway. “I was caught up in the moment and I didn’t realize it would hurt you more. It was stupid. It was unfair to you." his voice weakens. He looks back at your face. You blink your tears away silently. “I do realize it was possibly the worst moment I could choose to tell you this” 

Poe gently wipes your tears away, before they can reach the bottom of your face.

“I don’t expect anything back from you, you don’t have to worry about that. This doesn’t have to change anything about us”

He kisses your cheek before leaving.

—

If you had to point out positive points about your indirect fight with Kass following his proposal, the fact that you weren’t living with him would be one of them.

The silence in your quarters alone was surely more bearable than the silence that would fill the space if he were there with you, you were sure of that.

And even if it’s been three days already since you rejected his proposal, you have barely talked to him despite going out of your way to try to; he has been hurt by your rejection, and he is keen on making you understand.

You can’t help but wonder if you would have been happier if you had said yes; maybe it would have been easier and maybe you wouldn’t feel so bad even though you still wouldn’t want to marry him, even if it is exactly the way Kass wants you to feel. Maybe saying yes would have been the right decision, after all, and maybe you would be set about your feelings for good with the prospect that you would allegedly spend the rest of your life with him.

Then there's Poe, his words. 

Poe and his words that keep rolling around your head over and over again no matter what you’re doing and no matter what time of the day it is; those about the confession of his love towards you, and those that assured you that Kass would get over your rejection, that it’s not the end of everything, not the end of your relationship with him even if right now, it seems like a deadlock. 

And almost as if it was staged, Kass steps through your door.

“Hey,” he speaks, hands in his pockets. You repeat the same thing quietly, looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say anything, apologize maybe. He looks around your place before chuckling, pointing and walking over to the table. “It’s just– I forgot my gloves last time I came here and I need them”

“Oh, so that’s it.” you snort darkly, following him close. 

“Yeah, that’s it.” he mutters nonchalantly as he picks up the pair. “What do you even mean” he frowns as he turns back at you, shoving his gloves in his jacket pocket. 

“I mean you've been avoiding me all week and you think it's okay to casually come here just to pick up your stupid pair of gloves?”

“Well, they’re still mine, so” he shrugs. “And again, what do you want me to do” 

You frown. “I don’t know, maybe apologize for your attitude for these past few days first. You’ve been childish”

“I’m childish? You’re the one who’s not ready for marriage.”

You chuckle in disbelief, “Yeah well, I’m sorry for not wanting assured long term with someone that behaves the way you do.” you say, looking at him in the eyes though you would rather be looking everywhere but here at the moment. 

“You know,” you start, readjusting your position onto your feet. “I’ve been wondering, asking myself all of those questions, what was wrong with me for rejecting you.” he looks at you, hand still stuck in his pocket, waiting for you to make your point.

“And that’s what you wanted, right? But the one thing I really asked myself was ‘Why did he even propose’, because you don’t even care that much about me, so I don’t understand” you shake your head. “You shouldn’t have asked the question if you weren’t ready for the other answer”

He sighs, eyebrows raising slightly as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have asked at all, you’re right.” he scoffs. “I realized that, and I should have realized when we started to drift away” you frown softly, waiting for him to continue. You’re not sure what he truly means beyond that. “I asked you to marry me to be sure”

“Sure of what”

He chuckles and huffs out your name like what he means to say is evident; “You’re in love with Poe” his eyes soften, his expression relaxing as yours hardens. “Don’t try to tell me otherwise or I’ll go crazy” he laughs nervously.

“Look, I get it. He looks pretty damn close to perfect. But you should have done something about it. I shouldn’t have been the one to realize it.” he says. You sigh softly, taken aback. “This is why I’ve been avoiding you. To try to come to terms with it. Accept it.” 

Knowing this is the reason Kass proposed somehow makes it simultaneously better and worse. But he’s right; he’s fucking right, you’re in love with Poe and that is exactly why you were crying on those stairs the night before Poe left for his mission, maybe it is time to face it for good and to stop trying to convince yourself that you’re just confused because of everything that has been happening in your relationship lately.

“I’m sorry” your voice is poisoned by guilt. If it feels awful for you, it must be even worse for him. He scratches his forehead awkwardly, not really knowing what to say to you. “I tried to deny it to keep it fair for you. But I think you’re right.” admitting it to him, the man you’re supposed to be with and have feelings for feels even worse than having to realize it yourself. “I’m sorry Kass.”

Kass pinches his lips in a defeated smile, “I can’t hold you back.” he huffs out in evidence. “He is too” he adds after a pause. “In love with you, I mean. It’s so blatantly obvious” 

You scoff, shaking your head. “I know” 

“So you can work this out” he declares with a weak smile. “I won’t be an asshole about it” he mumbles. “I should be angry but I’ve tried to accept it for a while.”

You nod, somehow grateful he is so understanding, feeling sorry that it’s been so transparent for him for so long. Not everyone would let it play like this. "Thank you, Kass."

He nods in return before sighing deeply, the weight of the past few days lifting slightly from his shoulders. “I wish you well. I mean it”

You nod again, tears welling up in your eyes. “You too.”

Your heart tightens when his look lingers over you before he turns away and exits your quarters; both relief and guilt weigh over you, and the silence that fills your room now feels much different than before.

—

You don’t love him; you are sure of that. It feels wrong and even though you still feel some sort of affection towards him, you’re not sure you can be friends anymore given how you left things off.

On the other side, when Poe hops off his X-Wing ladder after a week of being away, you don't know how to act around him anymore. You don’t know if you should go ahead and tell him everything you’ve ever wanted to tell him or if you should just pick the opposite option and avoid him as much as possible to try to ease your conscience a little. 

And you do. You busy yourself with work as much as possible, avoiding running into him as much as possible, but eventually, he doesn’t really give you a choice. 

“Are we okay? You didn’t even welcome me back. It’s been four days” it hasn’t even been twenty seconds since the meeting ended; the meeting you spent all your time trying to focus on instead of him. 

His stupid flight suit is opened in a way that reveals his gray tank top and lets the chain around his neck slightly peek, and suddenly nothing about the First Order supply depot infiltration matters anymore. 

“We are. I was busy” you affirm – you’re technically not lying. Though you were keeping yourself busy on purpose.

“I bet you were”

You frown. “Hey what do you m–”

“Kass talked to me.” he dodges. 

“Oh” your voice drops, the idea of that scene so unnatural. “What did he say”

He shrugs slightly. “I think you know” 

That’s a good thing they talked, somehow, no matter how much the idea terrifies you. It lifts a weight off your shoulders to know you won’t have to explain to Poe how you left things off with Kass, because you would almost rather get interrogated by the First Order than have to think about it again. “He was pretty mature about it, I’ll give him credit for that.” Poe affirms with a grin, causing you to huff out a laugh. “He also said he's resigning from the Resistance. ‘Says it has nothing to do with you, he's been thinking about it for a while” he nods with a pinch of his lips.

“Oh, okay” your eyebrows raise in surprise. “Well, ships will suddenly do better magically” 

He snorts. “I’m just glad I never let him take care of mine. I think Jess was complaining about that the other day” you laugh, and he smiles at you endearingly as he watches you. “So, are we okay?” he asks more seriously, though a faint smile lingers over his face.

“Yeah, yeah, we are.” you nod, weakly smiling back at him. “It’s just been a rough couple of weeks” you admit as he gives you an empathetic smile in response.

“I know what I want but I don’t know if I’m ready,” you eventually declare cautiously, not wanting to hurt him or make him feel like you're trying to push him away. “It has all gone so fast and I think I want things to slow down a bit.” he nods understandingly before being obliged to turn when someone in the briefing room calls his name; he holds his hand up to have them wait and rests that same hand over your shoulder when he turns back to you, his gaze holding yours.

“Look– I don’t want you to jump right into this if you’re not a hundred percent sure about it.”  he declares with as much conviction he has when he fights for what’s right.

“This is my thing– to jump head first into everything. That's why I acted the way I did the other night. And it was stupid considering the situation and some part of you probably hates me for it somehow so you have to be smarter about this” he insists. ��And I know you will be. And even if it’s in one week or one year or five, I can handle it”

“Okay,” you mutter feebly, his firm gaze over you making your stomach flutter.

He turns back and glances at the person who was calling for him earlier, turning back to you. He hesitates, looking like he wants to say more but is unsure if he should.

“Alright. I got stuff to take care of” he eventually says with a faint sigh, like being teared out of that conversation with you physically hurts him.

“Okay Commander” you grin teasingly. He smiles and kisses the top of your head, your hand instinctively resting over his arm despite your decision to maintain some distance for the moment. 

"You know where to find me if you need anything," he says quietly, his hand lingering on your shoulder for a moment longer before he steps away.

You’re still not sure what you really want as you watch him walk away, sending easy smiles to his peers as he reviews details with them for the next mission. 

You think about it all over again, as you remain here in the back of the room, leaning against the wall; the way he looked at you, the understanding in his eyes, his patience and willingness to wait – it all seems so easy with him that jumping right in suddenly doesn’t make you so afraid anymore.

—

The sky isn’t particularly clear tonight. One could have picked a more scenic place to come rest to, one where clouds wouldn’t be covering D’Qar’s two moons like a thin, old veil ripped to shreds.

Poe turns at the unexpected sound of boots ruffling against the grass, a small smile growing over his face when you grunt softly as you sit down next to him.

“You lied when you said I’d know where to find you, because I’ve looked for you everywhere before finally finding you out there” you sigh softly, drawing a laugh out of him, his eyes crinkling softly.

He shrugs, “You still found me, so I technically didn't lie” he says with a smile.

“You've got a point,” you huff out, settling beside him. The air is cool, cooler than it has been those past few days. You can’t help your lips turning into a smile as Poe's face softly glows in the faint light of both moons, his gaze gentle as he looks over at you.

His eyes twinkle with amusement when he talks again, interrupted when you shift to press your lips to his, his words quickly lost on both of you. His voice fades into a small sigh against your mouth as his hand immediately, almost instinctively cups the side of your face. Your hands grip the lapel of his shirt tightly, gently pulling him closer to deepen the kiss; Poe’s chuckle vibrates against your lips as you pull away, a slight flush visible over his cheeks.

“What is this?” he asks amused, the look of surprise genuine over his face. This goes against everything you told him you wanted with him for now.

“This is me being smarter about this, being the bigger person.” you affirm in an attempt to sound confident, but you’re still slightly out of breath, your heart racing.

Poe looks at you with a teasing, feigned impressed expression before he goes in and kisses you back, the press of his lips soft yet firm against yours. 

Everything around you seems to fade away as you make out for a beat, losing yourselves in this, the soft breeze of the evening tickling both of your faces though your face heats up even more when his thumb traces your cheek.

When he finally pulls back, Poe's hand is quick to find your own, his fingers fiddling and lacing with yours, his gaze on you still intense. “So much for going slow, huh?”

You chuckle, “Yeah, fuck that” you reply with a grin, feeling lighter than you have in weeks.

You both fall silent for a while; it is rare for Poe Dameron to not run his mouth for longer than a few minutes, but the back and forth of his thumb over your hand and your head leaning over his shoulder seems to be enough for him at this moment.

You shatter the silence the moment the question crosses your mind. “What would you have done if I actually married him?”

He takes a deep breath, like the weight of the question takes a toll on him.

He smirks, “This would have probably made me join the First Order” he jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood. You huff out a laugh. 

“Honestly?” he asks, his tone serious now. He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t really know. What would have been the best option? The least worst? “I don’t know. But I would have skipped the wedding for sure.” you softly smile at him with a look of compassion, momentarily rendered speechless by his revelation. 

He pinches his lips in a weak, beaten smile as he clearly pictures the scene in his mind again, just the way he did when you announced to him that Kass had proposed before eventually telling him you had refused. “Sorry. it would have hurt my poor loverboy heart way too much” he scoffs light heartedly though it’s barely a joke, just the truth.

“Well, next time I get married you’ll be the first person I invite” you promise with a light nudge at him, your hand reassuringly squeezing his.

“Next time huh?” he retorts with a playful smile, one that you mirror before the gentle push of his lips renders you breathless again. “Not if I invite you first sweetheart,” he jokes with one last kiss, your laugh barely audible.

Poe’s thumb traces circles on the back of your hand when he notices your gaze is there now, a faint smile remaining over your face. “Hey” he calls, urging you to look up at him. “One day at the time, okay?” he cocks his head forward, his voice barely above a whisper. “We don’t have to figure everything out right now.”

There’s no rush with him, no doubt, just the certainty that whatever happens, it will seem like the easier thing in the world; 

Because you love him; you are sure of that.

—

any and every comment is greatly appreciated!!

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[callmeblake]

10 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE’S ‘DANGER DAYS’

The future is bulletproof, but how’s your ‘Danger Days’ knowledge?

By Ali Cooper-November 20, 2020

It’s been an entire decade since the Killjoys first made some noise on 2010’s Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys. The aftermath is secondary, ultimately legendary and a timely reminder that My Chemical Romance can turn their hands to any far-fetched concept and produce a timeless, genre-defining album in the process.

For every year we’ve run away with Party Poison and co., fighting off Better Living Industries, we’ve uncovered one lesser-known fact about this neon My Chem era—and the final full album from the New Jersey boys—in hopes that it may not be their last record for much longer.

Read more:

Frank Iero teased the new Future Violents EP for longer than you realize

My Chem didn’t intend for “Look Alive, Sunshine” to make sense

The immortal words of Dr. Death Defying’s introduction to the Danger Days era were a roll call to the post-apocalyptic world where the Killjoys reside. And they’re perplexing, to say the least. What does “Louder than God’s revolver and twice as shiny” even mean, anyway? The good news is MCR didn’t intend for us to understand it in the first place. Gerard Way confirmed to Billboard that the language play in this opening track mirrors that of the novel-to-film classic A Clockwork Orange. Teenage gang members in Anthony Burgess’ novel use a nonsense language called Nadsat. It’s just loose enough for readers to understand its base meaning but not how it reaches the point. So that explains why this introductory narration has kept us scratching our heads for years.

The Black Parade is dead

Blink and you’ll miss the sneaky reference to My Chem’s previous album, The Black Parade. A skeleton half-submerged in the desert sands wears a dusty Parade-era jacket in the chaos of the “Na Na Na” video. But this glimpse of their past isn’t just a visual depiction of “The Black Parade is dead” sentiment. What we’re actually seeing is the burial of the memory of drummer Bob Bryar. He left the lineup during the writing of Danger Days, but they don’t brush over the loss of a key member in their rise to success. Instead, the passing nod recognizes and celebrates Bryar’s role and lasting effect on MCR’s past, present and future.

MCR meets The Sims

We’ve heard the rapid-fire anthem “Na Na Na” in many shapes and forms over the last decade. But there’s one alternate version we never expected. My Chem re-recorded the song in the fictional Simlish language for the video game The Sims 3: Late Night. If you’ve ever wondered what the classic track would sound like if you couldn’t understand English, look no further. We wouldn’t recommend listening to this gibberish version while drunk. Still, it’s definitely an unusual addition to the legacy of a song that broke the mainstream.

“Bulletproof Heart” provided the concept

After exhausting themselves through the process for The Black Parade, My Chem swore their next effort wouldn’t feature a concept. They planned to return to their raw talents as songwriters without novelty costumes or fleeting gimmicks. However, that all changed when the band wrote “Bulletproof Heart,” which handed them their next grand concept: futuristic runaways. And it sounded like a distant echo from the existential Black Parade days morphing into the laser-beam Killjoys era. Gerard confirmed to Billboard that this epic track showed MCR how to use their experience in high concepts to the best effect for their fourth record.

“SING” rebooted Danger Days

One of the defining anthems from Danger Days, Gerard confirmed to Billboard that the writing process that culminated with “SING” was the catalyst for the band’s decision to scrap their progress on the fourth album and start all over again. It was a defiant track devoted to standing up and being heard. And it brought life to the new incarnation of My Chem was given the rousing cover treatment on Glee. Plus, the band recorded a version entitled “#SINGItforJapan” to raise funds for the Red Cross relief efforts after the 2011 Japan earthquake.

California 2019

The band proved fans right about their theory of MCR’s return in 2019, the same year the Danger Days universe is set in. But they also paid tribute to something other than their own forward-thinking genius by placing the Killjoys in an alternate dystopian universe nine years in the future. The setting was inspired by one other bleak, post-apocalyptic vision of California in the year 2019: Blade Runner. It turns out we have Harrison Ford’s 1982 sci-fi classic to thank for MCR’s futuristic interpretation that involved the entire band dying in the field of combat with robots.

“Party Poison” is a love song to rock and metal

The anti-party party anthem “Party Poison” brought the unbridled energy to the Danger Days era. And it included a plethora of rock and metal influences. Originally titled “Death Before Disco,” the midpoint of the album not pays tribute to both Ray Toro’s inspirations from the vibrant MC5 and Gerard’s favorite Judas Priest song, “Living After Midnight.” Gerard also mentioned the outstanding influence of Bruce Springsteen on Danger Days. He explained to Rolling Stone that writing “Party Poison” was like discovering their own show-stopping alternative to “Born To Run.”

Kobra Kid’s helmet

While fighting off Draculoids and Exterminators, the Killjoys needed all the luck they could get. Kobra Kid was of course there to help with his iconic helmet sporting the words “good luck.“ This design feature was a sneaky nod to the space-based Nintendo video game Star Fox, where a screen appears and a voice says “good luck” before every mission. With this 1993 callback, Mikey Way’s Danger Days alter ego kept a classic sci-fi shooter reference close to his heart. Of course, the positive message didn’t save his character from death, but it’s the thought that counts.

The origins of “DESTROYA”

Gerard once described “DESTROYA” as “the hardest song the band have ever done.” And he later revealed to Billboard that the Hindu Holi festival inspired its lyrics. Known as the “festival of colors” and a positive social event for friends and family to repair broken relationships and strengthen connections, this traditional event in the Indian calendar encapsulates all the neon fun-loving vibrance of Danger Days. According to Billboard, every member of the band took to the drums for the recording of “DESTROYA.” Their goal: To bring out the vivacity and togetherness of one of the most upbeat songs on the record.

Gerard hinted at their return during

Danger Days

Eagle-eyed MCR fans leave no stone unturned when it comes to speculating the now-factual return of the emo icons. The MCRmy uncovered a hint of the band’s foreshadowed return by way of an olive green jacket Gerard wore during promotion for their fourth album, suggesting that a sigil patch that appeared on his shoulder spells out My Chemical Romance. We saw Gerard sporting this jacket on numerous occasions before the band’s hiatus. And in hindsight, he also wore this jacket for their reunion show in Los Angeles in 2019. Was the singer always hinting what to expect when My Chem eventually returned?

© Copyright 2019 Alternative Press, Inc.

[baekhyuq]

“Chemistry!” Baekhyun (m)

Part Two

—Word count: 2k

—Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Thriller(?), Horror

—Playlist: I never told you what I do for a living-MCR///Science Fiction-Arctic Monkeys

—Inspired by: “I never told you what I do for a living by MCR, please read the lyrics for this song it will influence how you read this story.

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Baekhyun laughs nervously at your joke, “I’m making soap.” He plays it off cooly.

“You make soap? I’ve always wanted to try making soap, there are so many videos on youtube to follow...” You follow him closely as he walks down different aisles to find the product.

“Free samples!” You pull Baekhyun’s jacket and lead him to the lady with steaming cups of hot chocolate. You take two cups handing one to Baekhyun. Baekhyun takes it as a shot letting out a “hckk” sound while you sip on yours.

Baekhyun sighs, “It’s a gift for my mother.” He lies, he hasn’t seen his mother in months. He spots the product and grabs eight bags. Is it enough?

“Woah, thats a lot of soap.” Your eyes widen at how many bags he’s carrying.

“Yeah, I’ve got a lot of soap to make. Aha, see you around.” He leaves you standing at the doors when he checks out and exits the store.

“Good luck!” You call to him, you grin as you turn to go back into the store.

Baekhyun’s bombarded with work now that he’s over his stupid cold. He’s got orders coming in left and right. Now that’s it’s gotten colder outside everyone wants medicine for colds. He couldn’t blame them.

He makes thousands in the past week and it’s all thanks to the medicines. The wolf has been sad, he hasn’t been able to see you for the past week either. Baekhyun’s keeping him cooped in the house, like an actual pet. Baekhyun’s strict with the wolf, not wanting him to cause trouble when he’s busy with work. Baekhyun wanted nothing to do with the wolf’s killings.

You walk into the library, book in hand, you’re finally returning it. You thoroughly enjoyed it from start to end, it made you think back to Baekhyun letting you check it out. The memory makes you blush, covering your face.

You scan the romance aisle curiously, you were never one to read romance personally. It wasn’t your thing, you never were invested in the characters. But one book caught your eye, your finders slide over the spine of the book. It was a bright red book, nothing special but the color called to you. You plucked it, turning to the back to read the synopsis.

“She never felt a sensation like this before. She put her pleasure in the hands of this man. He made her feel this way, with his tongue, fingers, his c-“

“Did you return that book?”

Baekhyun’s voice makes you jump and drop the book from your hands. Your eyes are wide with surprise.

“Woah, jumpy?” His voice startled you by how deep it is. He bends at his waist to pick up the book from the floor. He reads the title and looks back at you with a smirk.

“You’ve moved to the romance genre now? Science fiction not doing it for you?” His teasing voice causes your cheeks to redden.

“I-I was just curious.” You grab the book from his hands putting it back on the shelf. His eyes follow your hand.

“What are you doing in this aisle.” You furrow your brows at him. He cant tease you for being here if he’s here too!

“I saw you and thought i’d ask about the book.” He shrugs, putting his hands in his pants pockets.

You can’t deny how good he looks right now. Your eyes shift to his eyes, it’s just a soft gaze. He looks so relaxed, you could just reach out to pet his head and he would start purring.

“Looks like you got over your cold.” You try to keep the conversation going. Baekhyun can sense your desperation to speak. He finds it amusing.

“Yeah It really sucked.” Baekhyun grins and tilts his head at you. Your eyes glance down at his to see he’s carrying a book of his own.

“And what do you have, hm?” You ask curiously referring to his book.

Baekhyun holds it out to you for you to see the cover. “Electroconvulsive therapy.” He reads for you.

“What’s up with that?”

“I’m just interested in many things nowadays. Got to stay knowledgeable right?” He laughs, leaning on the book shelf. Before you know it Baekhyun has gotten extremely close to you, you can feel his breath on your cheek.

You clear your throat before telling Baekhyun you have to go. But you aren’t able to escape before he grabs your arm to stop you.

“Hey, can I get your number?” He says almost flirtatiously. He can see your eyes widen and he almost backtracks right away. “For book recommendations and stuff, you know?” His cheeks are reddening by the second.

A small smile grows on your lips before you take his phone and add your number to his contacts.

“Be sure to send me the best recommendations.” You say while walking away, waving toward him.

“Sure thing.”Baekhyun nods waving back.

***

It’s been a week and you and Baekhyun have been texting almost nonstop. He would send you a book to read and you would reply enthusiastically that you’re excited to read it.

There was times when you didn’t know how to respond and Baekhyun would naturally keep the conversation going. It felt nice talking to someone other than yourself. It was as if Baekhyun had became your friend. The famous chemist Baekhyun and you bonding over books. Who would’ve thought?

You’re cooking spaghetti when your doorbell rings, you raise an eyebrow at the sound. Who would be here so late? It’s almost 7. You rush to the door, opening it curiously. It reveals a smiley Byun Baekhyun.

“Oh, Baekhyun? Hello!” Your eyes are wide with surprise. What’s he here for?

Baekhyun greets you with a hello in return, and you invite him in. “I have my book with me.” He gestures to his backpack on his back. It looks heavy.

“Oh what for?”

“For our book club, don’t you remember?”

Your eyes go wide again, you completely forgot about you two meeting up to read together. You were the one who even came up with the idea in the first place, how could you forget?

“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, I actually did forget.” You wipe your hands on your apron, it makes Baekhyun’s eyes travel down your figure.

“Why are you wearing an apron?” He asks, it’s obvious you were busy before answering the door.

“Oh i’m cooking spaghetti.” Your eyes go to the kitchen, “Want some? It will be done in a few minutes.” You offer.

Baekhyun’s mouth opens for a second but it shuts abruptly. “I’d love some.”

You’re both sat at your dinning table, plates of spaghetti almost finished. The heaters on making a low humming noise to fill the silence. Baekhyun chews slowly, savoring the taste of the meal.

“This is so good, Y/n.” He says your name for the first time and you almost gasp, being taken aback for a few seconds. You thank him when you regain yourself.

“It’s my mothers recipe.” You say, twirling your fork in the spaghetti. “When she passed she left me a book full of her recipes. And that’s basically all I eat.” You laugh lightly to not down the mood.

“Your mothers a saint. This is the best spaghetti I ever had.” Baekhyun compliments.

Once you two are done you do both of your dishes. You both move to the living room and get settled into the couch for a long reading session.

“I’ve never been in a book club.” Baekhyun says randomly.

“Really? Not even in college?” You peer at him over your book. You’re sitting across from each other. You shake your head in response.

Baekhyun’s company fed your heart happiness. His presence was nice to have around from time to time, your guys book club became a every week thing. He would bring his books and you would cook dinner for the two of you. But Baekhyun stopped coming to the book club meetings, for three weeks straight. You tried contacting him and he didn’t respond, you felt as if you did something wrong. Your mind drifted to him during the day when you were at school. It drifted to him while you were working. It drifted to him when you were in the shower or cooking dinner or right before bed. He plagued your thoughts. You couldn’t ignore him just dropping you like that. You would find this man, no matter what.

“His name is Byun Baekhyun, he has one of my books but I cant seem to contact him.” You smile to the librarian. You couldn’t think of any other place that would have Baekhyun’s address.

“Oh dear, i’ll write the address on this paper for you sweetheart.” The lady said sweetly, after scribbling the address down. You thank her before exiting the library reading the address.

“Oh, so you’re that rich?” You think as you recognize the address as one of the wealthiest spots in the town.

You arrive at the address and your amazed by how huge his house is. Byun Baekhyun, you better be here.

You see a black beetle car parked out front. But not in the garage, is it a visitor? Nonetheless you exit your car and stroll up to Baekhyun’s door. You notice a man exiting the black beetle and you raise an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, hello. Are you a friend of Baekhyun as well?” His smile is kind and his eyes are catlike. He’s strikingly handsome.

You nod shaking his hand. “Ah yes, my name is Y/n.”

His eyes widen for a second before he introduces himself as well. “I’m Minseok . Pleased to meet you.”

You turn to knock on the door, waiting for a response but you don’t get one. “He hasn’t texted me in almost a month. And now he can’t even answer the door?” You mutter to yourself, but Minseok hears you.

“He’s ignoring you? That’s unlike Baekhyun.” He frowns, he tries knocking on the door and shouts Baekhyun’s name. When he didn’t answer Minseok tries opening the door. It’s obviously locked, he looks around for a second before picking up a potted plant by the door and retrieving a key under it.

Minseok unlocks the door and you both enter. The house is a bit of a mess, the entrance anyways. You close the door behind you, following Minseok deeper into the house. You can hear a T.V playing, so you’re assuming you’re heading toward the living room. You find Baekhyun on the couch wrapped in a blanket, his cheeks are hallow and his eyes are tired with bags under them. Your heart instantly drops.

“B-Baekhyun!” You call out, rushing toward him. Baekhyun’s eyes widen at the sight of the two of you.

“How’d you get in?” Is all he says. He sounds so tired, your heart strings are being pulled at.

“The key under the plant.” Minseok rolls his eyes, his hand on his hip. “Now why are you in here looking like this?” He gestures to his mess of a living room, and Baekhyun.

“It’s my house.” Baekhyun deadpans.

Minseok scoffs. You can see their dynamic and how they’re friends.

“Baekhyun why did you ignore me for almost a month?” You confront him boldly. You’re never one for confrontation but this is insane.

“Y/n, I was taking a break from work and everything..” Baekhyun’s eyes dart over to Minseok, he then looks at you.

Your brows furrow and pinch together. “But did you have to ignore me as well? With no warning or heads up like ‘Hey i’m going on vacation.’ or something?”

“I-I’m sorry Y/n, It was for a good reason trust me.” He pleads with his eyes, he adjusts himself on his couch and stands up. “I didn’t do this for me.” He holds your hands in his. “I just need you to not question me, it’s for your good.” He whispers.

You’re confused by Baekhyun’s words they make almost no sense. But you’re too worried about how Baekhyun is to dwell on them. Maybe his head is tired and is making things up.

“Baekhyun how are you feeling?” You say taking your hands out of his to feel his forehead. He’s radiating warmth and his foreheads burning your palm.

“Baek you’re so warm, I think you have a fever.” You frown, “You should take some medicine and be in bed.” Pushing him upstairs where you think his room is. Minseok’s trailing behind with his arms cross, amused by the sight before him.

He never sees Baekhyun like this.

[sagehaleyofficial]

HERE’S WHAT YOU MISSED THIS WEEK (9.18-9.24.19):

NEW MUSIC:

·         The All-American Rejects released a new music video for their song “Gen Why? (DGAF).” The song comes off of AAR’s latest EP Send Her to Heaven, which dropped earlier this summer.

·         Punk band The Menzingers released a new video for their new song “Strangers Forever,” marking the end of summer. The song comes from the band’s next album Hello Exile, out on October 4th.

·         Can’t Swim announced a new EP featuring the likes of Trash Talk’s Spencer Pollard, Taking Back Sunday’s Adam Lazzara, Frank Carter, Stray from the Path’s Drew Dijorio and more. The EP will be titled Foreign Language and is set to debut next month.

·         Fall Out Boy lead vocalist, Patrick Stump, was featured on the new single “86 Missed Calls” by Japanese band MAN WITH A MISSION. The FOB vocalist previously helped write and produce the band’s 2017 track “Dead End in Tokyo.”

·         Canadian singer Lights recruited Blink-182 drummer, Travis Barker, to collaborate on a new track titled “Long Live.” The song is an ode to the singer’s debut album, which was released a decade ago.

·         Mayday Parade surprised fans with a 7” EP as a continuation of their latest album, Sunnyland, which dropped last year. The EP includes an acoustic version of “It’s Hard to Be Religious When Certain People Are Never Incinerated by Bolts of Lightning” and a B-side titled “Turn My Back.”

·         Australian singer Alex Lahey recorded a cover of My Chemical Romance’s “Welcome to the Black Parade” for the radio station Triple J’s recurring Like a Version segment. The cover later received praise from the band’s frontman, Gerard Way, himself.

·         Bayside announced a new album titled Interrobang, as well as a video for the album’s title track, last Friday. The full-length arrives after the band dropped the song “Prayers” following the release of an acoustic version of “Mona Lisa” back in January.

·         Jimmy Eat World revealed the title of their next album, Surviving, as well as its first single “All the Way (Stay)”. Additionally, they announced a handful of tour dates in the U.S. and UK.

TOUR ANNOUNCEMENTS:

·         Tonight Alive are scheduled to play their first show since 2018 at Australia’s Unify Gathering Festival on Saturday, January 11th, 2020. The band previously announced a string of U.S. tour dates for early 2019 before cancelling the tour and taking a hiatus from touring.

·         Thrice announced a string of 15th anniversary tour dates in celebration of their fourth studio album, Vheissu. They will be joined by fellow rock acts mewithoutYou, Drug Church and Holy Fawn.

·         Green Day, YUNGBLUD, Korn, System of a Down, the Offspring, Of Mice & Men, August Burns Red many others were announced to play next year’s Rock Am Ring and Rock Im Park festivals, both in Germany. The festival will take place on the first weekend of June.

·         The Hella Mega Tour received major flack over the price and perks of its VIP packages. Some fans are not happy with the high price of a VIP ticket that doesn’t include a meet and greet with the bands.

·         Blink-182 frontman Mark Hoppus addressed the band’s cancelled gigs in Columbus, Ohio, and El Paso, Texas, on Instagram. The band was forced to cancel their El Paso date after a nearby mass shooting the day prior, where Hoppus revealed they were locked down in their hotel.

·         Simple Plan and Bowling for Soup announced a joint UK tour scheduled for the start of 2020. The Together Again! You’re Welcome Tour will feature Not Ur Girlfrenz as an opening act, and will mark the first time the bands have played together in the UK again in 16 years.

·         In light of the Cars frontman Ric Ocasek’s passing earlier last week, the Killers covered “My Best Friend’s Girl” at a show in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Prior to this, the band’s singer Brandon Flowers posted a heartfelt tribute to the late musician on Twitter.

·         Blink-182 played an intimate Spotify Encores gig in New York last Thursday, where they performed their most-streamed songs. The show took place at punk venue Saint Vitus in Brooklyn.

·         Green Day took a stab at current U.S. president Donald Trump during their set at the iHeartRadio Music Festival. They changed the lyrics to their hit song “American Idiot,” swapping “I’m not a part of a redneck agenda” for “I’m not a part of a MAGA agenda.”

·         Waterparks announced the supporting acts for the U.S. leg of their Fandom Tour, as well as some extra UK and European tour dates. Openers for their American tour include rapper Yung Pinch and rock band Kitten.

·         Carousel Kings were revealed as the opening act for the upcoming co-headlining tour of McCafferty and guardin. Other bands joining them on the tour include thebreathingbackwards.

·         For the rapper’s 37th birthday, Blink-182 gifted Lil Wayne a joint of marijuana onstage during their New York show last Friday. “I’ll take this now,” Wayne said right before he sparked it up with the help of Travis Barker and an off-stage hand.

OTHER NEWS:

·         Angels and Airwaves and former Blink-182 frontman, Tom DeLonge, filed for divorce from his wife Jennifer after 18 years of marriage. After meeting in high school and raising two children, the couple is reportedly separating due to “irreconcilable differences.”

·         Following this, DeLonge posted three videos through his organization, To the Stars Academy of Arts and Sciences, that potentially show UFOs. In response, the U.S. Navy confirmed the videos as “unidentified” phenomena in time for Storm Area 51 last Friday.

·         In response to fan rumors, DeLonge also made a statement about his time with Blink-182 and squashed rumors that there is any bad blood between him and his former bandmates. To backtrack, Mark Hoppus recently spoke about Blink-182 before Matt Skiba replaced him following his departure in 2015.

·         Former MCR frontman, Gerard Way, announced that he was already working on the fourth volume of his hit comic, The Umbrella Academy. The third volume, which was recently released in stores, is titled The Umbrella Academy Volume 3: Hotel Oblivion.

·         Panic! at the Disco earned its third platinum single from their sixth studio album, Pray for the Wicked, for the song “Hey Look Ma, I Made It.” The track follows “Say Amen (Saturday Night)” going platinum in May and “High Hopes” going 3x platinum in June.

·         Good Dye Young, the hair dye brand of Paramore frontwoman, Hayley Williams, relaunched its long out-of-stock lightening kit. In addition to doubling its size, the company revamped the formula to be vegan and gluten-free.

·         Guitar manufacturer Fender announced a new nonprofit effort in collaboration with Panic! at the Disco’s Brendon Urie, Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz and more. The Fender Play Foundation moves forward with its mission to educate, equip and inspire young players.

___

Check in next Tuesday for more “Posi Talk with Sage Haley,” only at @sagehaleyofficial!