#and probably about tm too
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I’ve actually just decided that I don’t want to hear any more advice about dating or love. More specifically, I don’t want my algorithm feeding me “if he wanted to he would” and “how to get him to fall for you” videos all the time. I don’t want the people in my life giving me advice on how to feel or what to tell or cards to play in terms of the people (person) I like. I. CANNOT. STRESS. ENOUGH. I. DO. NOT. WANT. DATING. APPS. I manage to make enough of my life revolve around people that I decide that I like that may or may not deserve that time and effort all by myself, I don’t want outside influences feeding into it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, unless it’s telling that person in particular how I feel and leaving it at that. I want to be able to think about something else. Appreciate everything else. There is so much more going on that I should be focused on.
#meganmakesapost#mk#but also just general feeling/y stuff#like I think I do this every time and I’m trying so hard to actively unlearn it#I’m sick of the expectations and the anxiety and the idea that I can control the outcome based on doing/saying the right things#at the right time#I just want to be myself#and like the people that I like and do the things I like to do#and be honest about that and have that be enough#because that kind of true authenticity is how you find the right person right?#it’s how I’ve found all of the right people so far in terms of platonic relationships#and maybe this is me sitting here telling myself for the first time that maybe this guy isn’t the one even if I want him to be#even if I think he could be#even if there is still a part of me who thinks that there’s a possibility that one day it will be him#but that seems like a pattern too#I know I thought it about jh#and probably about tm too#but the thing with this one is it’s not like we aren’t working out bc something bad happened#we’re still going to be friends or at least mutual people??#I’m still going to think he’s attractive and nice and have silly little feelings for him bc it’s how humans are built to be#but it’s not real right now and I have to recognise that#I have to set the stupid boundaries and shit#I have to make clear how I feel and what I want so that we both know what level we’re on and where to go from here#but whatever I digress I just feel weird because I’m not losing anything I’m not actually sad it just#sucks???#especially when I know I have so much to offer ect#idk man#this love stuff is so fucking simple but everyone makes it so much harder than it has to be
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Tired Ghost
#i don't wanna spend too much time on this#(wrote an essay about how i thought vanguard hacking kit was developed)#yep that's not lorem ipsum#i just wanna see ghost complaining don't judge me too much#i didn't take history class in the ishtar collective (TM) those are all ooc don't actually read into that#if you actually know what im saying then you'd know i probably failed my computer security lesson#also the traveller probably gave them similar tech so their physical architecture should be similar#also ur a nerd lol#destiny 2#destiny hunter#destiny ghost#destiny 2 art#my art
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Hello :D
You're so cool
Anyway have you thought that in your rat sons au Splinter might outlive the boys?
You're very cool :D love your stuff dude
(tw for some blood, light gore, implied overdose (kinda??))
hi copper!!! this is a fantastic question!
so obviously typical irl rats have far shorter lifespans than the average irl tortoise. according to google (yes, be awed by my spectacularly in-depth wealth of research) the average pet rat lives between 2-4 years ish, and the oldest on record lived to be about 7. meanwhile, an African spurred tortoise (Splinter's species) averages more around a 50ish year lifespan in captivity, tho is suspected to possibly exceed 75 or more in the wild.
Now, the mutation does give us a lot of wiggle room for playing with these numbers. For the rat sons boys, id say their natural lifespan probably clocks in at about 45-55 years old? definitely not old by human standards, but not young young either. (though, its also important to note that the boys were exposed to the mutagen just days after being born.)
For Splinter, meanwhile, aging is slightly more complicated. He lived the vast majority of his life as a regular normal African spurred tortoise (well, non-mutated at least. there were perhaps some shenanigans of a more mystical variety going on before he was mutated, but thats a separate matter) He was about 70ish i think? when the boys were born and they were all exposed to the mutagen. so he is already distinctly an old man turtle papa. id guess he'd probably still have another eh lets say 25-30 years after his mutation. he could probably push it a little farther even with some mystic nonsense, but when push comes to shove id say his 'natural' post-mutation lifespan would put his death like a solid decade or two before his sons.
of course, the tricky part of the matter is that theres no way for Splinter to know any of this. theres no way for him to know how the mutation affected them all, or if it even affected them all in the same way. especially since the boys dont show many physical signs of mutation for the first few years, and just kinda look like normal rats, (albeit with a more human sort of intelligence) — what sort of health standard do you hold them to? what if they simply dont show external signs of sickness or old age anymore? how do you actually know if something is wrong?
for a while there Splinter is very worried that one of his babies will just essentially reach the end of their normal rat lifespan, fall and not get up again.
so mostly, he just tries to live in the moment, enjoying whatever time he does have with his little ones, taking each day as a gift <3
still,
that fear
never
really
goes
away.....
#cue the 2003 tmnt dramatic Shredder sound effect TM#my art#rat sons#tmnt au#ask reply#TOOK ME A FULL MONTH TO ANSWER AND IM STILL NOT SUPER PLEASED WITH THE RESULTS BUT#also apologies if shits incohierent im v sick rn#but thank you so much for the question copper!!#a parents grief and terror at the thought of outliving their children#always gets me#and boy howdy these rat babies do Not make that shit easy for ol Splinter#all of them have brushed too close to death too many times#tbh thats probably why he started teaching them ninjutsu etc#like yeah yeah discpline and routine and practice all excellent lessons#but also#yall squishy babies and ur father is Stressed please learn to fight good so its one less thing he has to worry about#sorry splints theyre hamatos now theyre destined for danger#cw blood#cw gore
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(more elden ring radahn thoughts)
on whats really left of him .. and his soul? general too many thoughts about him- long post and probably incoherent, but you know me, im never coherent anyway, many thoguhts, head full, quite literally
in base game, he has lost his mind we are told, and clearly he isnt like he used to be, but we really dont know the extend of it hes clearly capable of fighting rather .. controlled; its not like hes biting and clawing after you, he still uses his swords (and bow, sth he doesnt even have in dlc) and magic, we know even in this condition he held back the stars AND still fought you hard at the same time (i know undead people can still fight in elden ring, pls hear me out)
and i wonder .. how much of his mind did he really lose, obviously some since he eats people now which isnt sth he used to do, but ... we dont know how talkactive he used to be, we get one (two? i can only think of one) quotes from him in the descriptions of an item, he might have been a man of few words already, so him not talking at all isnt that good of a measure (not saying its the only measure, just wanted to mention), resorting to eating people that atack you might just be an act of desperation too
we get told he kills friend and foe alike (and im not questioning that really) but in his cutscene we see him drag along the bodies of cleanrot knights, who are under direct dommand of malenia, and by extend miquella, im guessing they kept sending them after him to finish him off; now knowing that him dying means being sent to the realm of shadow, to miquella, and NOT knowing if he wanted that, i feel that that detail has grown in importance-
when you start the fight, hes rather defensive, shooting at you almost immediately upon you entering the arena with no extra cutscene either, what he shoots at you a long ranged gravitation bolts that stop you dead in tracks with a very high stagger rate and if you are on torrent it stagger you off of it; i know it could be just tactical and bc all he knows now is to fight as best as he can BUT, you could also look at it as a defensive strategy, to keep you away, and away from him .. even though you are not told he is afraid to die and he eats people now, sure he could come over there and snack on you once he shot you enough times, but the important thing is that you as a threat to his life is eliminated AND he doesnt seem to have some sort of insatiable hunger for people that makes him charge and snap at you immediately, there could be self control there still (if i wanted to reach a little further i could also say he could be trying to keep you away from him not jsut to save himself but to save you from him too, but thats a reach and i know that)
once you get close enough he usually changes to fire a salve of arrows that fall from the sky and follows you around, also high in stagger- its only when you get too close that he pulls out his swords and charges at you
his arena is interestign as well, its a piece of land in caelid that is inaccessible (unless you can fly?) from all sides, a barren battlefield only reached through a teleporter, im not sure if it is the same place as when he fought malenia or not (wasnt that in the middle of caelid where you find the rot needle?) but i doubt anyone could have put him there against his will, so did he .. go there himself? or stay there for that matter- how quickly do you lose yourself when infected with rot? and how quickly for him, since hes a demigod? did he intentionally isolate himself there? make it harder to reach him for both friend and foe alike?
another point is that most enemies (as far as i can think of) that are infected with rot/are in caelid also deal rot damage, radahn does not, hes even really vunerable to it in fact, its an intersting detail to me bc he only uses either standard attacks or gravitational magic, given that hes been in this condition for a long time and its caelid id expect the rot to be somewhat important there, but its not
how much has he really lost his mind, is he really as mindless as jerren makes him out to be? is he trying to stay alive no matter what, isolating himself on an (almost) island and only living off what comes there, which is usually people that want to kill him, be it friend or foe, all are out for his life one way or another, could it be defensive ... desperate even? no one but him and miquella/malenia seem to know that him dying means hes put into the land of shadow, where miquella is waiting for him; (why wouldnt he tell anyone? was he not able to? was he afraid to upset the golden order by spilling it out?) could he know that would be the end of him having his own will, knowing what miquella can do to people? ... perhaps even .... having been manipulated by him before when he was less experienced and more in direct vicinity to him, to promise something he doesnt actually want?
this is a reach too but ... could he be trying to make himself unusable for miquella, theres no real cure for the rot, could he have decided to stay alive as long as he can to both destroy his own body (and soul even?) intentionally so it cant be used against his will, like a desperate act to destroy himself rather than become someones unwilling puppet? did he succeed in both somewhat but not enough to become fully worthless and unsalvageable? just how much would he have had to destroy himself for him to become useless to miquella, is there even a limit? would he have been "revived" no matter what, no matter what little was left of him?
how is he mindless, yet his soul it taken when you kill him, his body beyond repair, but his soul intact? that seems like the opposite of what he is, and you are told he is, in the base game to me (maybe hes just fallen into madness i guess, but given the soul is like .. the self, he should be mad in the dlc too then, unless miquella can just pick out the parts he likes and throw away the rest .... which isnt impossible either)
now, there could be the argument that he might have actually agreed to it, hes been a big fan of godfrey, who is a consort to marika, a god, and little more than her pawn as well, his 'young' look you see at the end of the dlc could also be connected to it, the braids i thought where a sign of miquellas influence could also be just how he looked back then, an imitation of godfreys hairstyle- and we dont know for sure he didnt used to have them even after gettign older since they could just have loosened after spending so much time in a zombie lite condition (or is it?)-- but his portrait in volcano manor doesnt seem to have them either, hes also sporting the armor you see in base game (i think) there the fact that, according to godfrey, strength is the only thing that matters and to become a consort you need to be the strongest of all to be worthy, could also be interpreted that way- though i dont if he would have wanted to replace the golden order, he was a fan and follower of it, did he even think of it the implications? did he even know? was he just young and stupid? (very possible tbh)
then theres the idea of there being less left of his soul, so in the dlc he is barely if anything at all, himself, both in body AND soul, how much was there even left after all that time in caelid, he is silent except for like two grunts he does also in base game (he has more sounds there too), completely unexpressive, with very few gravitation magic, in the second phase miquella literally snakes his arms around his neck, almost every single attack is filled with light magic, clearly coming from miquella and not him (i know bringing up leonard might seem overemphasizing his role, but in these games what information you get is very scarce so every bit you do learn is important and was written intentionally- but he stayed together with him in caelid, all his attacks involve him in one way or another, he only started to learn that magic for leonard, so radahn didnt have too abandon him as he got too large to ride him, he uses gravitation in dlc too, so it means that at the point of his life that he is recreated as he already had leonard or that that is a sign of whatever is left of his soul that comes from a much older him, and if it is, its very little) (also this is a reach too but most enemies with horses have separate health bars, he doesnt, he and leonard basically share the same health bar, literally inseperable uwu)
"theres no evidence hes mindcontrolled" people say to me. have you seen him? how he acts? or more, how he DOESNT act? that miquellas entire deal is THAT HE BEWITCHES PEOPLE, ffs he STEALS YOUR HEART if you get grabbed by him twice in the dlc fight- theres no evidence he wasnt either, you are told they had a vow, but you never know what exactly that was, when it was (in the memory of miquella wishing for radahn to be his consort you only see miquella- was it a silly wish between kids tha miquella never grew out of?), in what circumstances, you never get to hear radahn say anything about it, its completely left out, thats a little unrelieable to me! idk!
but fine, maybe he did agree to it, maybe he thought being a consort to a god would make him just as cool as godfrey, maybe he fought malenia, who was said to be undefeated, only to prove he had the strength worthy of being a consort and it backfired when malenia infected him with the rot (why then? also he doesnt look exactly thrilled about what she say to him in the trailer but that could be just me too i guess lolololol), maybe he wanted to die all along but his pride meant he couldnt just let the rot win, maybe the festival was really what he wished for and told no one what the real goal was, maybe he wasnt rotten in the first place and just acted that part so he had an excuse to die without having to fight with all his strength as even the undefeated warrior wasnt able to beat him, maybe becoming a consort to miquella was worth leaving leonard behind to him, maybe he wanted to be nothing but a pawn to a god, to be used and discarded, maybe he really believed in miquellas wish for a "gentle" world (aka all love miquella)
it makes sense, im not going to lie about that, but the other does too- and in the end, we will never know what the truth is! we will never know if that was what he wanted, or if he was manipulated even back then, i wish we could to see his part, his voice, his will, but we never will, and it doesnt matter, in the end it doesnt matter if he wanted it or not, the fact remains hes a silent frankensteins monster of miquella, expression- and personalityless, a voiceless pawn to a god that steals everyones hearts
i dont need to be "right", i like to think about things, i am in the camp of he didnt want to or decided against it, but it doesnt really matter, even if miyazaki himself went onto stage and loudly declared that yes it was all planned from the start and radahn was in on it the whole time- i still would think the other way around it, i jsut think about him alot, i want to question things instead of taking everythign i hear at face value, especially when its very strangely told from one side, i will question every little thing if i only hear one side, no matter how much sense it makes or not, it makes me suspicious
(i some of this can be attributed about purely gameplay stuff, like the change in armor so he doesnt look the same etc, but i dont care, i like to think about the implications it brings with it, intentionally or not)
and there he is in a barren battlefield, eating the remains of whoever enters his isolated cage with the intent to kill him, never succeeding, howling like a lonely old wolf at the sky, is it desperation about a fate he cannot escape, grief about what hes done or failed to do, is it a call of yearning? for freedom?
we dont know. and it doesnt matter.
#ganondoodles talks#elden ring#long post#radahn#general radahn#starscourge radahn#elden ring dlc spoilers#im not a professional thinker tm#i dont know if imy making any sense#or am jsut projecting my childish thoughts onto this#i just feel so much for this guy#yes i probably could accept him actually accepting it#but is that really so bad#do i have to bend over to canon no matter what#can i not think about it differently?#its just a game in the end#and both me thinking and feeling so much and others getting worked up about me doing so is silly#it doesnt really matter in the end#this post too will just float away in the mass of the internet#and ultimately is a few hours worth of wasted words
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i would like to say my ideal PJO adaptation (if i was being physically forced against my will to have to pick a live action adaptation over an animated one for some reason) would be a combo like writing of the musical + casting of the show + visuals of the movies
BUT the show actually does have the playwright for the musical as one of the major writers for like three episodes and that did nothing for it. so...
#pjo#riordanverse#pjo tv crit#i do love the casting for the musical lots and lots though#it was really good#i do also have some nitpicks for show casting but they're largely inconsequential#like majority i very much enjoy and think are cast well#i only have one i'd say im actually disappointed with and that's Poseidon. idk he just feels. bland??? does that make sense?#like idk maybe it's the costuming but im not getting Sea God *or* Fishing Dad from him#like i think i kinda see what they were going for and i saw some gifs of him in another show where he plays a pirate and its like#okay. *little* bit better. but idk im just not getting Poseidon from it#in general most of the immortals in the show dont feel very Immortal(tm) but thats definitely mostly just the writing/show itself#not any reflection of the casting#my only other two are i would have liked plus sized Clarisse. i am VERY sad we didnt get that#Dior is a VERY good Clarisse though so i'm not too upset about it. i like her Clarisse energy. the yelling is fantastic.#my most controversial pjo tv take is im still meh on Walker. like he's fine. but like he's kind of Just Fine to me so far#its probably mostly the writing being bad but he hasnt grown on me as Percy yet. i can tell he has the energy though in interviews n stuff#and the main trio dynamic in interviews and stuff is *very* good. i just wish the show writing was better#because the casting IS very good but they have so little to work with. you can really tell theyre trying their best#i like to joke the show would be better if they just set the cast loose in the woods doing in-character improv#like its clear basically all of them know their characters SUPER well. id watch 8 episodes of in the woods pjo cosplay improv.
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offers u alnst oc stats
#alien stage oc: ava#alien stage oc: nero#ava#nero#oc#ocs#20241003#so. i have a lot of thoughts about these#especially since i tweaked avas like three times#but i tried setting them according to the stats of the canon characters/what the aliens might rate them#esp the visual stat#looking at the characters sheets i think the aliens have a preference for ethereal looks (like luka and sua) but also like sharper looks#like ivan and hyuna (yes i think ivan leans into sharp)#till is more of the rough type so that's why i think his visual is rated lower#uh either way that's why ava's is so high and nero's is more on the middle (he had regular black hair before his season of alnst which gave#him less of a wild look so i rated him a bit higher than till)#ava is a tube baby so voice and talent are in her genes though mostly voice and visual were important for nova#talent would probably be higher if she didn't kill off 90% of her personality#she was not made for high effort dancing tho#NERO WAS THO LMAO#yeah uh ava's relevance/popularity/topic whatever the fuck it gets translated as is rather high since she's kind of the media's sweetheart#first love's smile and all that#nova put a lot of effort into her pblicity and it worked#nero's relevance is so high bc he's always up to sth and makes headlines everywhere he goes à la there's no such thing as bad publicity#i was struggling with mental strength bc on one hand he is fucked up (tm) but on the other hand he's not easily shaken????#like you could throw him in a pit of sharks and he'd make the best of it#let's just say mental strength must not equal mentally sound#his talent is on the average bc of this trait too like he's super versatile and spontaneous which makes him easy to put into different#situations that he might come out of successfully#uhhhhh yeah
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He said "Fuck this shit, I'm out" I'm crying. Toriyama's Vegeta was so top shelf 🤌
(From Neko Majin Z Chapter 5!)
#dbtag#Idk why Toei didn't lean into Vegeta being a version of Piccolo you could put in funnier situations like Toriyama wrote#He's reserved and professional and proud but JUST immature enough to bite down on a gag that Piccolo would readily swerve#But they take a lot of Goku's chaotic comedy away too in favor of Hero(tm) writing and that is why I keep pulling my hair out aklsjdlas#Toriyama was sO funny and it bums me out so much that the anime derailed how lighthearted and straight up silly the humor is#and replaced it with Misogyny Is Funny and humiliation kinks asjklfhadjk and it's not just my complaints about Vegeta and Bulma!!#“Goku is running away from his very reasonable wife because he is a goofy little guy who doesn't want to do his chores” becomes#“Chichi is Cruel to Goku who is Trying to be a good husband because she doesn't relate to his passions and vilifies him for having them"#which is not their dynamic at all but dudes in the writing room are like “being married is fucking awful amirite fellas hahaha”#but Toriyama was like “Being married is not for everybody but it can be really great if you and your partner are on the same page”#Chichi's reasonable! And Goku isn't romantically wired but Goku can enthusiastically consent to sex and still not enjoy kissing#those things can be and are true for a lot of people! And it makes even more sense if you hc Goku to be aspec (and audhd coded) like I do#Kissing can feel gross and can be a sensory overload for many folks. Doesn't mean they're stupid or innocent.#(although Goku CAN still ride nimbus so idk what Pure entails in this universe askljad)#Like I am the FIRST person to joke and drag Goku about his marriage as an aspec myself but like legit Goten is a Last Night On Earth baby#He knows what sex is. But also between how socially removed Goku is and how Shy and Conservative Chichi it's not out of line#to assume the actual words sex and kiss have never been spoken in that house skljdlajdf I FULLY believe Chichi uses code words#Chichi thinks her son being blonde makes him a delinquent and still uses honorifics with Goku like it is fully reasonable to assume#that the joke of Goku's naivetè centers around the fact that his wife is too embarrassed to talk about Certain Matters in a normal way#While Bulma and Vegeta are slutty hedonistic cityfolk who need jesus (according to chichi probably...and me but I support them)#anyway. point is. Toriyama was funny as hell and Nekomajin is absolutely ridiculous and goofy and has a fully amoral main character#which just reminded me that toei is allergic to letting goku be a gremlin and so vegeta's not allowed to be a gremlin wrangler#even though that's been his job since the day he met raditz alksdjaskljd
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#madness combat#madcom oc#my oc#atp soldat#the soldat in the dark (tm) actually cares about his bro#a lot#but he just can't get sad when he warned him about this shit nonstop#no id#The bitten guy just acts too friendly because his program made him too altruistuc and kind#Which sometimes helps since he is one who recruits workers#Well#Probably it's more benefitial most of the time#But he gets in shit like “oh i just wanted to help civilian get out from dangerous location and they stabbed me :(((”#And he ain't bullied for it by anyone but his bro. He is too... Kinda. Uh. Hard to bully guy who is most safest option to talk with auditor#And not die lol. It also doesn't help that he is guy who knows all of the AAHW by names and will kick you hard for bullying anyone#So bullying him is a privilege of some atp soldats#not an option :D#Other soldat here is just walking anger issues and he got no friends other than his bro. Constantly lashes at anyone. The Bitten™ included#So they're got that dynamic of angry antisocial cynical guy and pessimist & optimistic kind dude (well#(well he got a lot of mental issues too#But doesn't show it and never let it hurt others.)#And he is much older than the pessimist :'D#Pessimist guy is very young actually. But just experienced shit nonstop from birthday and lost very much everyone he cared about#And the second one... just atp soldat with no past. never known any other thing than work in AAHW and orders. Easy to manipulate#He also gets “You're not a real person” a lot for it. And constanly offended by it. But it's a problem of all yellow bloods here#Especially him#since he litterally didn't had a life outside from aahw. Also don't think he wouldn't kick his friends hard for orders.#Kill even. He is a dog for orders first#Kind guy with good morals is only second
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I hate getting excited about something and accidentally sharing it with someone when they're in the wrong mood to hear it. Makes me feel like a dog trying to play with their human in an antidepressant commercial and ruins my entire mood
#and it's not like they don't care they're just in an off mood and don't match the energy you give and it's just so#deflating and uncomfortable sgjdhkdhk#like ''isn't that so cool????'' ''yeah.''#makes me wanna die#and then it's like well now I can't tell them again and I just wasted sharing that with them AND I feel shitty about it#guess I'll just fuck off this plane of existence#unfortunately it happens to me too often because people in my life are just busier than me and I don't hold it against them#but it still feels bad man!!#I'm also just feeling fragile cause I've been isolated lately and don't have a lot going on so the things I do have to share#aren't like. things people generally view as very important I don't have shit going on right now#I've just been feeling lately like everyone's got Important Life Stuff tm going on and are often not as present with me because they're Busy#again I'm fragile rn so it's probably not as bad as it feels like it is#I'm just sad lol
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Slytherin Locket Cave: The Life And Death Of Merope Gaunt
I wanted to explore one of the most interesting details of Voldemort’s characterization: the extensive protections around the Slytherin locket horcrux, which exist as a step-by-step re-enactment of Merope's suffering - referencing his mother's actual death, but perhaps more prominently, her state of drowning in despair in the Gaunt home due to her family.
The Locket's Significance
Tom Riddle initially hears of it from his uncle:
“Ar, he left her, and serve her right, marrying filth!” said Morfin, spitting on the floor again. “Robbed us, mind, before she ran off! Where’s the locket, eh, where’s Slytherin’s locket?” Voldemort did not answer. Morfin was working himself into a rage again; he brandished his knife and shouted, “Dishonored us, she did, that little slut! And who’re you, coming here and asking questions about all that? It’s over, innit.... It’s over....” He looked away, staggering slightly, and Voldemort moved forward.
Making his uncle look at him to Legilimize him, Tom views the Bob Ogden memory - and later wipes his uncle memories till that point. (I assume LV got all the same Merope details and memories that Dumbledore shows Harry in HBP, and likely even more.)
We first see Slytherin's locket when Marvolo strangles Merope with the chain to show it to Bob Ogden and claim they're Slytherin's descendants, and presumably Merope wore it for most of her life in the Gaunt shack. Merope runs off with Tom Sr. wearing it and per Burke it's the last possession she had days before her death:
“It was brought in by a young witch just before Christmas, oh, many years ago now. She said she needed the gold badly, well, that much was obvious. Covered in rags and pretty far along... Going to have a baby, see. She said the locket had been Slytherin’s. [...] She didn’t seem to have any idea how much it was worth. Happy to get ten Galleons for it.“
And Voldemort's enraged when Hepzibah Smith claims Merope stole it and was simply too dense to know its worth (which Merope clearly did, could hardly miss it with Marvolo's behavior):
“I had to pay an arm and a leg for it, but I couldn’t let it pass, not a real treasure like that, had to have it for my collection. Burke bought it, apparently, from a ragged-looking woman who seemed to have stolen it, but had no idea of its true value —” There was no mistaking it this time: Voldemort’s eyes flashed scarlet at the words, and Harry saw his knuckles whiten on the locket’s chain. “— I daresay Burke paid her a pittance but there you are.... Pretty, isn’t it? And again, all kinds of powers attributed to it, though I just keep it nice and safe....” She reached out to take the locket back. For a moment, Harry thought Voldemort was not going to let go of it, but then it had slid through his fingers and was back in its red velvet cushion. “So there you are, Tom, dear, and I hope you enjoyed that!” She looked him full in the face and for the first time, Harry saw her foolish smile falter. “Are you all right, dear?” “Oh yes,” said Voldemort quietly. "Yes, I’m very well....” “I thought — but a trick of the light, I suppose —” said Hepzibah, looking unnerved, and Harry guessed that she too had seen the momentary red gleam in Voldemort’s eyes.
The red flash in his eyes staying long enough for Hepzibah to notice.
2. Location
It's the sole horcrux in a location related to his childhood in the orphanage, and the cliffside location evokes Azkaban's (the fortress on a tiny island middle of the North Sea) - a seaside cave you have to swim to reach, described as "a bleak, harsh view, the sea and the rock unrelieved by any tree or sweep of grass or sand".
(When Sirius writes via tropical birds post-Azkaban escape, Harry thinks he's somewhere with sunlight and “palm trees and white sand” where he can't imagine dementors surviving for long).
My theory's that while Tom may've been covering up a violent fight, what ruined Amy and Dennis's minds so they were "never right afterwards" was a too powerful memory wipe - like Crouch Sr.'s on Bertha Jorkins - so they can recall they went into a cave with Tom but nothing more; that could also be a relevant association, as Tom used Legilimency to erase his uncle's memories and send him to Azkaban.
It starts with a concealed entrance and a "blood ward", something normally outside/protecting a magical home (interestingly HBP begins with Dumbledore having entered the Gaunt shack threshold and cursed fatally by the ring horcrux, entering the blood wards of the Dursleys' house, and ends in him dying after the Cave-as-Gaunt-house-simulation), with "denser than normal” darkness inside.
A concealed chained "ghostly green" little boat glides over a "great black lake" to the center island - matching descriptions of the boatride across the Hogwarts lake to the castle for first-years, and a reference to the fact that Nerope never got to attend school.
The Emerald potion, which Harry first thinks is a lamp, emits a green glow through the cavern, similar to Slytherin common room descriptions (“underground room with rough stone walls and ceiling from which round, greenish lamps were hanging on chains” / "it’s under the lake, so the light’s all green.”)
3. Drink of Despair
The potion is, of course, a liquefied dementor, which is linked to Merope in several ways.
The echoes of Lily's murder Harry hears near the dementors and his rage at Sirius betraying her parallels the memory of Merope being killed by her family and Tom’s rage at seeing it in his uncle’s memories - Morfin betraying her secret to their father and sending Marvolo after her, Merope's wordless pleading with her brother and father, Morfin’s cackle of laughter, and Merope screaming as she’s about to be killed by Marvolo.
“D’you know what I see and hear every time a dementor gets too near me?” Ron and Hermione shook their heads, looking apprehensive. “I can hear my mum screaming and pleading with Voldemort. And if you’d heard your mum screaming like that, just about to be killed, you wouldn’t forget it in a hurry. And if you found out someone who was supposed to be a friend of hers betrayed her and sent Voldemort after her —” (POA)
“She likes looking at that Muggle,” said Morfin, a vicious expression on his face as he stared at his sister, who now looked terrified. “Always in the garden when he passes, peering through the hedge at him, isn’t she? And last night —” Merope shook her head jerkily, imploringly, but Morfin went on ruthlessly, “Hanging out of the window waiting for him to ride home, wasn’t she?” “Hanging out of the window to look at a Muggle?” said Gaunt quietly. [...] “Is it true?” said Gaunt in a deadly voice, advancing a step or two toward the terrified girl. “My daughter — pure-blooded descendant of Salazar Slytherin — hankering after a filthy, dirt-veined Muggle?” Merope shook her head frantically, pressing herself into the wall, apparently unable to speak. “But I got him, Father!” cackled Morfin. “I got him as he went by and he didn’t look so pretty with hives all over him, did he, Merope?” “You disgusting little Squib, you filthy little blood traitor!” roared Gaunt, losing control, and his hands closed around his daughter’s throat. Both Harry and Ogden yelled “No!” at the same time; Ogden raised his wand and cried, “Relashio!” Gaunt was thrown backward, away from his daughter [...] Ogden ran for his life. Dumbledore indicated that they ought to follow and Harry obeyed, Merope’s screams echoing in his ears. (HBP)
(HBP's also the book Harry gives a step by step graphic description of Lily's murder to Slughorn; while Voldemort re-enacts Merope's through the cave protections)
Dumbledore says Morfin gave a "full and boastful confession" - which Tom Jr. Legilimized Morfin to give, explicitly referencing the last time his uncle attacked Tom Sr. in retaliation for Merope’s attraction to him and gloated to Marvolo about it - "He was proud, he said, to have killed the Muggles, had been awaiting his chance all these years."
While Harry only wants revenge for his parents with no thought for himself vs. LV framing his uncle for his pureblood family blasting him off their family tree, LV certainly has additional rage for his mother, and also doesn't forget his mother's screaming/general despair in a hurry, creating the locket cave decades after viewing the memories.
The dementors' varying effect and imagery is linked with - despair and hopelessness, losing the will to survive, not eating, victims huddling and hiding their faces and pleading, weakness and fainting, etc. Sirius says Crouch Jr. in Azkaban was "screaming for his mother by nightfall. He went quiet after a few days, though... they all went quiet in the end... except when they shrieked in their sleep.”
Which is exactly Merope's state in the Gaunt house with her father and brother:
Harry realized that there was somebody else in the room, a girl whose ragged gray dress was the exact color of the dirty stone wall behind her. She was standing beside a steaming pot on a grimy black stove, and was fiddling around with the shelf of squalid-looking pots and pans above it. [...] She looked a little cleaner than the two men, but Harry thought he had never seen a more defeated-looking person.
“Good morning,” said Ogden. She did not answer, but with a frightened glance at her father turned her back on the room [...]
And [Marvolo] spat on the floor at Ogden’s feet. Morfin cackled again. Merope, huddled beside the window, her head bowed and her face hidden by her lank hair, said nothing.
“‘Darling,’” whispered Morfin in Parseltongue, looking at his sister. “‘Darling,’ he called her. So he wouldn’t have you anyway.” Merope was so white Harry felt sure she was going to faint.
and:
Instead, [Marvolo] jeered at his daughter, “Lucky the nice man from the Ministry’s here, isn’t it? Perhaps he’ll take you off my hands, perhaps he doesn’t mind dirty Squibs....” Without looking at anybody or thanking Ogden, Merope picked up the pot and returned it, hands trembling, to its shelf. She then stood quite still, her back against the wall between the filthy window and the stove, as though she wished for nothing more than to sink into the stone and vanish.
Harry was on his feet once more, refilling the goblet as Dumbledore began to scream in more anguish than ever, “I want to die! I want to die! Make it stop, make it stop, I want to die!” “Drink this, Professor. Drink this....” Dumbledore drank, and no sooner had he finished than he yelled, “KILL ME!”
Merope's completely nonverbal throughout the scene, other than her screams. The Gaunts homeschooled, so she didn't even get to attend Hogwarts as an escape, as Tom, Harry, and others did and barely got an education (referenced by the boat ride resembling the first years’ boatride to Hogwarts). And she would've been forced to marry her brother and have his children.
(Morfin's association near the dementors is also his father - "'He’ll kill me for losing his ring,’ he told his captors over and over again [...] And that, apparently, was all he ever said again.")
What we hear of Merope as she's pregnant is the complete opposite of the dementors.
Merope wanted to live desperately enough that she sold a family heirloom for basically nothing a week before her death - so she was certainly trying to get food. (Comparatively, Harry in HBP due to grief for Sirius was "lying on his bed, refusing meals, and staring at the misted window, full of the chill emptiness that he had come to associate with dementors" until Dumbledore's letter came.)
Both times, Merope is facing death - with the Gaunts, she's too hopeless to speak even while pleading as she’s about to be killed; while pregnant with Tom (the only time we do hear Merope speak, secondhand), despite having wandered destitute for months and despite freezing and starving in midwinter and in the painful process of dying in childbirth, she has the will to speak until her dying breath - expressing hope for her son's future ("I hope he looks like his papa"), to give her son a name, Mrs. Cole saying it seemed "so important to the poor girl" to name him.
It’s reminiscent of how staying in Grimmauld Place is far worse for Sirius than living in a cave and eating rats on the run is, and where looking out for Harry also keeps Sirius going and gives him a purpose. 12GP is likewise linked with Azkaban/dementors/death (elaborated on here).
Voldemort's awareness of all this is probably the best indication, among others, that he doesn't share Dumbledore's viewpoint that Merope chose to die; and his response to that would likely be very like Harry's about Sirius - that she didn't want to go at all.
“I don’t care. You can have it, I don’t really want it.” Harry never wanted to set foot in number twelve, Grimmauld Place again if he could help it. He thought he would be haunted forever by the memory of Sirius prowling its dark musty rooms alone, imprisoned within the place he had wanted so desperately to leave.
Voldemort is similarly haunted by the memory of Merope - but unlike Harry he craves the aspects of his family and pureblood society that killed his mother even as he resents it; wants the house, the heirlooms, to remake himself into the Heir of Slytherin, grasping at power but also any and all connection he has to family.
4. Death and Burial
The last part is the drinker collapsing in weakness after finishing the potion, the desperate thirst, and when they crawl to drink from the lake, the Inferi army of the dead dragging them to death by drowning in icy water.
Referencing the months Merope wandered London destitute, her death in childbirth, and burial in a pauper's grave.
In Greek myth, Charon ferries deceased souls in his boat across the rivers of the underworld (often the Acheron, the river of misery, in some sources a lake), and those without proper burials are left behind to haunt the world as ghosts.
Proper burials or lack thereof a recurring canon motif, Voldemort himself telling the forces against him in DH to "Dispose of your dead with dignity" and Azkaban has a mass graveyard of prisoners, buried by dementors instead of their family.
5. Kreacher
I assume this is the significance of Voldemort asking for a house-elf and his horrific torture of Kreacher, since LV has also considered humans disposable for decades and killed many for this task already (the Inferi) - Kreacher is meant to represent Merope.
Merope was the servant of the household, and there's the general implication of lifetime service/"slavery" to her family.
“But the villagers’ shock was nothing to Marvolo’s. He returned from Azkaban, expecting to find his daughter dutifully awaiting his return with a hot meal ready on his table. Instead, he found a clear inch of dust and her note of farewell, explaining what she had done [...] The shock of her desertion may have contributed to his early death — or perhaps he had simply never learned to feed himself."
LV also recreates this family dynamic into the Death Eaters - which he calls his “true family” and who are his slaves and call him Master.
"as [Kreacher] drank, he saw terrible things... Kreacher’s insides burned... Kreacher cried for Master Regulus to save him, he cried for his Mistress Black, but the Dark Lord only laughed" (DH)
LV potentially thinks of a house-elf as a being who "deserves it" "instead" (and is part of the establishment/property he thinks are his birthright. And it's telling of house-elves enslavement and isolation that the only people Kreacher can ask for to save him in the midst of it are his owners.)
The details are a bit unclear, but LV likely already tested the potion/other defenses before turning the locket into a horcrux; he used Kreacher to empty the basin of potion to place the finalized locket, as there's no backdoors to drinking it.
So LV leaves right after the locket is placed, not bothering to wait until Kreacher's dead and underestimates his ability to Apparate out - and considered him so insignificant that he didn’t remember who Kreacher is in OOTP despite using him for a very important plot to lure Harry, directly contributing to his downfall.
And, ironically, Regulus via Kreacher plays the role of "dutiful daughter/servant running off with the locket and leaving a farewell note explaining what he's done".
#merope gaunt#tom riddle#lord voldemort#will probably be an informal part 2 of scattered thoughts#i never write actual organized metas this is a first. and probably too long#but absolute fave element of LV characterization#and the way it sets up The Cycles TM#the violence against merope is haunting the narrative etc.#well. harry not wanting the pureblood family establishment of the house of black is a bit ruined#by him going back to the house and fucking INHERITING AND NOT FREEING KREACHER -_-#i’ve seen different interpretations on how much info about merope voldemort actually has#like in some fics he’s legilimized the memory of his mother’s death but not the scene in the gaunt house#in some he’s legilimized both or none. etc.#i think he’s 100% seen the bob ogden one but most likely also viewed his mother’s death and maybe viewed riddle sr.’s memories of her too#ik it's a common interpretation that he thinks his mother chose to die too (understandably given jkr's intent)#and other than everything in this meta i'll probably elaborate on why that's incorrect at some point
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the difference a single kiss can make, huh?
#wilhelm#wilmon#young royals#I could've also added my Favorite Wilhelm Smile Ever (TM) as well for the same effect but this is nice too#yr creators probably: I'm going to create a boy that is SO in love-#Ball Scene My Beloved#prince wilhelm#(maybe not a single kiss. maybe more like a single make out session but you know tomayto tomahto)#wille still thinking about the kiss so fondly in the morning....... no one has ever portrayed a teenager in love better#maybe even just a person in love period#my yr thoughts
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we went over the 14yr long torture session in my last therapy visit actually, and i told her that toward the end i was fantasizing about and then actively considering walking into traffic because if i got catastrophically injured then they would have to treat my pain. and she told me that's not an uncommon thing for people to do. that she has heard that many times before.
like think about that. we are so moralistic about drug use and have politicized a particular type of medicine so much, and doctors are so uncompassionate toward and even suspicious of patients who are in pain because of it, that it's NOT UNCOMMON for people who are otherwise not suicidal to start completely genuinely longing to get hit by a fucking car just for the chance to be oh so graciously provided the absolute bare fucking minimum of care.
think about how many different things have pain as a symptom. how many things have pain as the only symptom the patient is aware of. how many of them are life or death crises. heart attacks. blood clots. strokes. bleeding ulcers. those are just what i can think of off the top of my fucking head, AND I'M NOT A FUCKING DOCTOR.
what i had, for example, feels exactly like appendicitis. and they left it for fourteen years because my only symptom was excruciating pain and i didn't fit their stupid little (completely unsupported by evidence, btw) diagnostic mnemonic. if it had been appendicitis, or anything else as immediately deadly that "just" hurts, i would have fucking died the same night i got sent home from the emergency room with "medical" "advice" to take some tylenol and rest - for the first time, that is. out of dozens. how many people do die that way?
because addicts are Bad. and because doctors are too arrogant and biased to practice medicine on the basis of evidence and informed consent when the profit model and conservative propaganda make it soooo easy to stay in the good old days of paternalism instead.
#jack facts#medical#soc#i want to tag this ''opioid crisis'' but i truly don't think i can manage to type it without the quote marks lmao#and like my thing and none of the things i mentioned are fixable via opioids obviously and fucking obviously i know that#but the fucking circus about opioid use and how prescribing opioids Must be avoided at All Costs No Matter What#results in this Us vs Them mentality of The Treacherous Drug Seeker vs The Nurse/Doctor Too Smart To Be Fooled#which is precisely why i said in my last post that they're ''like cops''#they have this perception that they are being constantly rushed by the lying swindling Enemy#and are so smug about it when they believe they have magically divined when someone reporting pain is faking or exaggerating#based on whatever the fuck they individually have decided is Drug Seeking Behavior TM TM TM#which are almost fucking always just normal fucking behavioral responses to pain and fear!!!!#and then that person is not a Patient (as cops are to Victim) they are instead an Addict (as cops are to Criminal)#and that person not only does not get pain relief they don't get anything the god damn fuck else either except a fucking attitude#and people fucking die. of whatever is hurting in the first place or from their endurance for endless torment running out.#disproportionately women and people of color and fat people and the mentally ill and disabled and the poor and children and the elderly and#nurses/doctors 🤝 cops 🤝 soldiers 🤝 ceos 🤝 mass murderers who are socially celebrated for heroism#not to put too radical and fine a point on it or anything lol#ANYWAY#i'll probably delete this or at least the tags lmao#whatever. i'm going to go lie in bed and have symptoms until 6 am when i have to get up to go be retraumatized at the medical lab :)#neglect#drug use#suicide#car crash#illness#ask to tag
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obsessed with what we're meant to read out of rook's expression when taash starts to walk away in this scene. it feels like such an emotionally dense response from them, especially since they've only known taash or anyone else involved in these scenes for all of five minutes
sorry about the abysmal gif quality one day I'll learn how to make gifs properly yet that day is not today. but hello. rook. rook hello. what is this about. what's up with that. what are you thinking about. (also taash seeing that reaction and turning around to clarify that it IS what they wanted before they leave because they're upset, not unkind. aww.)
also flashback to this set of expressions rook makes later on, after the fangscorcher fight, if rook tells taash they're actually a lot like them beneath it all. taash apparently just consistently brings out some very tender rueful rook faces I guess haha
#for rye specifically I think that's the gently amused helpless '...well. I... don't quite know what to do with that'#the '...aw fuck. I'M the adult in the situation now huh. what the fuck no one warned me this would happen' of it all#and pained melancholy tenderness that he feels for taash all the way through#(they are way too similar to his younger self in some ways for comfort and he does not necessarily find that easy to deal with lol)#but like. if your rook has a Mother TM or general feelings about their parents (or lack thereof)#or even feeling like they're falling short in their role as leader... such fertile ground here#taash and rye have one of my favourite dynamics in the whole game it's so loving and supportive and also so fraught and nuanced#I joke that rook has a thousand ways to worriedly yet defeatedly say 'taash....' but is it a joke tho fhsdj#shathann really said 'you will keep them safe' and rye internalized that so deep it's a little bit unhelpful to everyone involved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#taash#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#I think taash' feelings about rye are also a lot about like... 'I can literally see (probably also smell idk) that you're sad#why are you pretending you aren't. I don't know what to do to help you feel less like that if you won't even ever say what's wrong'#the mutual 'I wish you well with all my heart but I can't quite figure out how to be good to you the way you need me to be'#the way that's also inherited stuff from both of their childhoods and relationships with their parental figures. as well as#extremely high-masking autistic and cannot-figure-out-how-to-mask-to-save-their-life autistic navigating around each other vibes lmao#augh. I love this game. I'd say sorry for the taash and rye thoughts spam this fine monday but I'm not I love them both lol
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is now finally the time for my fudanshi akashi headcanons to be set free
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#vocal synth#voicevox#wakamatsu akashi#virvox project#they all like men here in virvox inc but in my soul akashi is the fudanshi(tm). and in my soul he's needlessly embarassed about it#akin to riko and her kabedon self insert yuri novels. i think his collection of bl and dummy head mic cds would make ur eyes pop out#i think he would guard his bl comics with increasingly absurd premises with his LIFE#and i think literally every one of his friends would not think its a big deal at all. the teens might rib him a little for the goofier ones#i dont think ryuusei even knows much about comics. he's so disconnected from entertainment in my mind. i think he watches 1 movie a year#but above all else. i think akashi has seen his fellow virvox vocals do some classic stuff like eating frosting off eachothers faces etc#and i think akashi passed away on the spot. i think his soul left his body. full rotten girl inner monologue. dr execution too#speaking of which yeah that song is preddy good! which i guess the near 5mill views probably speaks for itself LOL
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character illustrators are calling themselves artists and talking about the soul of an artwork
#it's looking so so bleak and bad in general#no hate to character illustrators I know it falls under the artist umbrella but please take a backseat when talking about like#some sort of intellectual value of art#I'm sorry but ur oc drawings are not life altering art pieces.....#in fact you are entirely replaceable by ai once it evolves past logic mistakes I think you really need to know this...#ur work is more craft than intellect which means it's easily replaced by automation#and I say this as an OC Drawer Guy TM#I know a machine could draw my characters too. probably much better
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#NOT TO BE NSFT ON MAIN#But I'm going through it... and by it I mean well... the horn knee#but like. lots of Thoughs about- HFH how Valentin is probably the first trans guy for Mitch#not that its rare by 2077 but because I HC him as demisexual#his first time was late-ish compared to his friends - he didnt had a lot of lovers - then there was Scorpion#who was more of a brother than a boyfriend but I DO HC THAT THEY ROLLED IN THE HAY Alright#But back to the thingy-- He's probably not experienced when it comes to Well Tdicks right#Mitch start to develop feelings for Val too the whole vets group start to notice it hardcore#cause these two gonkasses arent exactly subtle - they're just blind#and so one night while the vets are chillin drinkin the usual#subject comes up like eyy hows it going with V you gonna rizz him up or what#Mitch going PFFF idk what yall talkin about but he's red and suddenly don't know what to do with his hands#conversation goes and he's all like awkward cause Well Duh#Boys take showers together so everyone knows Val isnt Cis- there's others trans folks in the camp too its nothing unusual just an info#and get this... what if. its Butch Grease Queen Carol who gives him tips on how to get his boy all rilled up#while drunk ofc - Mitch wishin he could disapear from the discussion cause it's just too much but lowkey taking notes HKGJDKZKG#while some other vet goes on about how good it feels in there tm and all-- YNOW WARM N WET AND ALL#Mitch just nervously laugh and thanks them for the advices tm even if nothing will ever happen and just change the subject#he def jerk off in his tent tho cause he can't keep the vision out mH. hhhHHFHHF 👁👁#and he'd be like damn here I go doin it over a friend again and feels guilty next time he sees Val#(val def does it too in his northern appartment#idk where im going with this don't mind me JHGJ#sex is such an insignificant part of their love - its present and they explore all type of stuff together#but its not something that would ever be source of problem or doubts if that makes any sense#while simultaneously being important - cause Mitch was Val first time - and in a way Val was Mitchs first too#and his boy sure does feel nice /)UwU(\ weeeee#tbd
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