#and pretend my future (at that point present) ass isn’t as dramatic as past (now current) me

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

I FIGURED IT OUT

[rivers-rambles21]

The one with the road trip

Part 15 of The one where Bucky has a cute neigbour series!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader (f)

Warnings | 18+ only  - no smut but mentions of it

Chapter 15 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 1 | Masterlist

Apologies for any mistakes, this has been written on my phone and its a bit difficult to edit. Once I’m back with a working laptop I’ll give it a once over :)

Bucky had intended on renting a bike so you could ride down to Louisiana but with Sam’s suit it would’ve been an impossible feat. 

He settled for hiring an SUV and added you both to the insurance so you could take it in turns driving on the long trip down south. 

“Been together one day and we’re already on our first trip” You teased as you rested your feet on the dash, taking in the scenery as Bucky drove. His metal hand gripped the steering wheel as he peaked a glance over to your bare legs, resisting the urge to pull over. 

“You’re the one having a mid life crisis doll not me” You feigned offense and swatted the soldier beside you, pleased to get a hit in as he tried to dodge your attack. His eyes remained on the road as he grasped your hand in his. “Less of that thank you” He laughed, bringing your hand to his lips, leaving a kiss on the back before giving it back to rest on your thigh, his hand not leaving yours. 

“Looking forward to seeing Sam again?” He didn’t respond but his face said it all. “You’re so dramatic” You chuckled as you leant down to root around in your bag for the road trip snacks. Retrieving a bag of cashews, you offered it to Bucky who gladly took a handful. 

“I just know he’s going to ask a billion questions about stuff we’ve not even discussed yet, that we’re probably not even ready to talk about. He didn’t stop asking about you y’know? Y/n this, Y/n that…he kept threatening to ask you out.” 

“Oh he did” 

The car swerved slightly as Bucky's grip on the wheel tightened, his concentration lapsing for a split second. 

“He did what?” He asked, tearing his eyes from the road to glance over at you. 

“It was just a bit of harmless flirting-” You began before being cut off. 

“We flirted.” Bucky stated, his jaw clenching. 

“We also did a lot of things just friends don’t do. Relax Sarge, he only asked to get a reaction out of me.” 

Bucky grunted in response, knowing his reaction was a tad over the top but he couldn’t help it. You were his. 

“We could always mess with him in return.” You pondered as you took a swig of your drink. “Maybe hold off on telling him about us, it’s only meant to be a flying visit anyway isn’t it? So we wouldn’t have to pretend for long… play him at his own game?” 

Bucky smirked in response, completely on board with your little plan.

  The next few hours passed with the typical car games and a quick power nap as Bucky continued driving. 

“How long until you start at Starks?” 

“A month thank god, the GRC wanted me gone pretty quickly, I didn't have to work my notice which was a blessing really. I’ll schedule a day to go and clear out my desk and say my goodbyes. Will you still get your pension if we live out of the country?” 

“I’m not sure to be honest, I can pick up work wherever we are though, it wouldn’t be the first time. I’m good with my hands” 

“You’re telling me” You muttered under your breath. Bucky heard you loud and clear and let out a laugh as he recalled how you spent most of last night. “Are we crazy? Travelling with no plan, barely any money and only just starting out as a couple?” 

“Oh absolutely”

Eventually Bucky took a break from driving after you stopped for food in a roadside diner. It had been a while since you’d driven but you wanted to give Bucky the chance to get some sleep, something you knew he still struggled with. 

Despite telling him to try and get some sleep on the back seats, he remained upfront with you, doing his best to battle the drowsiness that had overcome him. He’d not gotten much rest the past few weeks, from battling the Flag Smashers in Europe, to hunting down Zemo and then back to New York. In truth he was worried he’d have a nightmare and wasn’t sure on how he’d react but upon your insistence, he tried to get some shut eye. After an hour or so he dropped off, the sound of you humming along to a song on the radio sending him off into a dreamless sleep. 

Bucky couldn’t quite believe it, he couldn’t remember the last time he slept without being haunted by memories of the Winter Soldier. Granted, he only got four hours of sleep , but it was the best he’d felt in a long time.

When it came to your turn to get some shut eye Bucky insisted on stopping over in a hotel for the night. You’d tried to convince him a motel would suffice after you lost the battle of you sleeping in the car but he was victorious. 

To be frank, after spending so many hours in the car, you were grateful to be sleeping in a bed with your super soldier by your side. 

As you slept, Bucky took the time to fire off a few emails advising he’d be ending his lease. Having slept earlier, he felt energised and was content in browsing the internet as you slept tucked into his arm. 

He did his best not to wake you as he opened a selfie from Shuri of her with Ayo and Nomble, a chuckle escaping his lips as Shuri and Nomble looked to be thoroughly enjoying themselves on a boat trip in New York whilst Ayo sulked in the background. 

He also replied to an email from his therapist's office, letting them know he’d be absent from his next session but planned on returning the following week.

Bucky was tempted to let Sam know he was coming but thought it best to surprise him.

The next day was much of the same, both of you switching the drive and stopping off at diners for food. Due to the lack of respect Bucky had for the speed limit, you were making good time and would be in Delacroix the following morning. 

“-it was like I didn’t exist. Honestly it was the most humbling experience of my life” 

“Sergeant Barnes in his uniform… now that is something I’ve got to see.” 

“Maybe one day”  

Your eyebrow perked at the thought. “Good god man” You groaned dramatically and sank further into your seat, giggling as you caught sight of the blush covering his cheeks. “For what it’s worth, lack of nutrients from the rationing clearly messed with her eyesight.” You were genuinely baffled how Peggy didn’t swoon for the man next to you.

“Where were you in the 40’s when I needed you huh?” 

“I doubt I’d have been your type” 

“Intelligent, strong woman with a great sense of humor? And thats not even mentioning your ass.. Oh no, definitely not my type” He replied sarcastically. 

“Ha ha fine, I’ll take your word for it.” 

“I’d have taken you dancing, maybe gone to a show or even the carnival. Anything you wanted.” He took your hand in his again and kissed the back of it as he pondered just how he’d of won you over back then. He usually didn't like to dwell on life before the war, the pain of losing his family and the future he lost was too much but having you in his life somehow made the memories hurt less. Having you with him now along with the future he could picture with you helped him make peace with his past life and accept that it wasn’t something he could ever go back to. 

When Steve was returning the stones, he did wonder whether he should go back with him but the realisation that there wasn’t anything waiting for him apart from a time that he didn't belong to made his decision to remain in the present resolute. And by god was he thankful he stayed.

On your way to your final hotel before arriving at Sams, you’d taken over the driving and had kept Bucky entertained with your off key singing and terrible car games. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” As it turns out, Bucky was a sore loser. 

“What? It counts!!” 

“You cannot see bacteria Y/N” 

“Yes I can! It’s right...right… right there!” You pointed to a random bit of the car interior and held back a laugh at a clearly unamused Bucky.

“You’re so full of shit” 

“How do you know I can’t see it huh? Guess it’s my turn again, I spy with my little -” 

“No” He cut off as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Absolutely not. I’m going to choose a game.” 

You let out a little smile and continued focusing on the road until the super soldier landed on something he liked. 

“Okay okay, would you rather sounds fun. Doll, would you rather have the superpower of being invisible or ability to fly.” 

“Aw come on Buck these are tame! If I have to answer, without a doubt invisibility.” 

“Not dirty enough for you sweetheart?” A tingle rang down your spine at your new nickname. “I’d have to agree, invisibility easily.” 

“Buck you’re an actual superhero, you’ve already got powers, leave some for us mere mortals!” 

“... you think I’m a superhero?” 

“....you’re literally an Avenger.” You reached across towards the man beside you, keeping your eyes on the road as you pressed your hand against his forehead. “Are you feeling okay?” 

Bucky rolled his eyes at your sarcasm and swatted your hand away from his head. “Fine you made your point.” 

You shook your head as you returned your hand to the steering wheel, tapping away to the song on the radio. 

“The rest of these questions are boring” He muttered as he furiously scrolled through his cell. 

“C’mon, go R rated” 

“It’s no fun when I already know the answers to these!” 

“Pfft doubtful, come on, hit me” 

“Spit or swallow, you’re a swallower doll.See?” 

“Okay okay! You’re right, I give in. How about we just ask each other some questions?” 

“But you already know everything,” He remarked, throwing a few cashews into his mouth. 

“When did you first see me as someone other than a friend?” You’d thrown him off guard with that question, his hand stuck in mid air as he went to throw more snacks into his mouth. 

“Wouldn't you rather know my most embarrassing sexual encounters?” He offered but was met with silence. “Fine……. I’ve never seen you as just a friend. Yes we were friends before we became more and honestly Y/n if it never progressed further than just friendship I would’ve been fine with it, more than fine with it y’know? Meeting you was the best fucking thing-” “Buck, it’s okay” Your hand reached out towards him and squeezed his thigh as you kept your eyes on the road. 

“There’s more… before we officially met in the lobby when that creep wouldn’t leave you the fuck alone, I’d seen you around. I was coming back from lunch with Yori and he was complaining about having gone for burgers instead of our usual and there you were, headphones in completely oblivious to the world and searching for your keys in your purse as usual. You were just so carefree - everything I wanted to be. And then a couple of days later we met and I was a goner.”

You bit your lip as you fought back a smile, overwhelmed by his honesty. It was a welcome feeling, knowing you weren’t the only one that felt an attraction almost immediately. 

“I’d seen you around too, before we officially met I mean. It’s kind of hard to miss you” You chuckled as you snuck a glimpse over at him and found him doing his usual glare. “It was pretty early on for me as well, do you remember when we went for coffee?” 

“And you ordered us two cups of sugar? Yeah I remember” 

“Mocha Latte’s aren’t bad for you… they just give you a bit of a buzz” 

“Especially if you order extra cream…” 

“Anyway! I’ve always been attracted to you, I’m not blind y’know but after seeing this dark looming strong man consume a drink like that, and have some residue cream left on his lower lip mind you, I just knew that it was more than just a crush. There’s something oddly charming and attractive about seeing someone so intimidating be so soft. It’s like I’m the only one who gets to see that side of you and I love it” 

Bucky didn't quite know what to say, he was slightly flustered at the compliments you were throwing at him and by the knowledge that you’d been interested far earlier than he had ever dreamed of. 

“We’re idiots aren’t we? For not realising sooner.” 

“Oh without a doubt”

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[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 171

Honorable mentions:

Blyke smiling at the beginning was so endearing I love him

I have to admit to you guys, I did read this episode when it came out and at the time I still had yet to write the episode 170 thing. Didn't affect me though so it doesn’t really matter lol

I want Darren to bring up Blyke’s injuries to Isen because he obviously thinks that Blyke got his injuries while fighting Isen, but whenever I want things like this to happen, they never do :(

Isen’s reaction to confrontation is always to hide

I can’t see Sera’s eyebags in this one that's a good sign

Not a lot of actual things to say about Sera learning about John’s past because we already know it and she’s just repeating things that other people have said

Evie getting attacked by Joker? I’m torn between thinking this is some prank and thinking that we’re getting the Sera/John confrontation right now. The whole call was just presented in such a strange way, I have no clue what that’s about?

finally getting on track with updates, hopefully they won’t always be a week late now r.i.p.

is it analyse or analyze because google docs says 1, but tumblr says 2

Have low expectations for this one, friends. But there is 0.1% substance in this post, so still worth it ;)

Somehow this got kind of long? This isn’t read through or edited, I just typed and posted

The fucking bruise:

    I hope you don’t mind the obvious contrast in professionalism between this episode analysis and the one for 170, but the fuckkksufkhsk? Starting this off with Blyke’s confusion when he is significantly more healed than he was last night that it wouldn’t be possible for him to be so okay? You really gotta do me like that huh? Dropping a bomb like that so early on? But the thing about this is that I cannot think of a logical answer for this? I even considered that what he said just meant that doc got hella good at healing, especially because John has complimented doc on that a couple of times, but it was clear that that was not possible and not what was meant to be understood. 

    I’ve already apologized for lack of professionalism, so to hell with introductions and transitions: this implies one of two things:

Blyke has regenerative powers that are emerging from him now that he’s leveling up

Someone healed Blyke without him knowing

    Starting with #1, the possibility of Blyke having healing powers of some kind at first looks like the more likely answer until you realize that Blyke’s ability is deadass “energy beam” and that makes no contextual sense. But this is the first thing that I, and I’m positive most of you, thought. It’s the most logical reason as to why Blyke went to sleep with noticeably worse injuries than when he woke up. I’m kind of stupid regarding abilities in UnOrdinary, so I’m not sure if this blend of two totally different powers is something special or different, but could you imagine how overpowered Blyke would be? That would be insane. And would give him a total edge over John, or anyone for that matter, because he has both an offense and a defense. The thing about this though is that I’m almost positive that this is wrong purely because I do not think Blyke would have healing powers along with his laser powers. Like I cannot see that happening and that fact makes me sad. But there’s just no way. Right? ???

    But now #2: someone else did it. And, yes this looks a bit iffy at first, but that’s the second thing I thought of and I literally have nothing else so sit down. Anyway, this is also a very interesting option, so I’m hyped about that. Because if this is the case then that means it’s either Elaine, Tanner, John copying one of their abilities (this entire post is a bit of a stretch why can’t I include this huh), or an unknown character. But the thing is. However unlikely it is, I can’t help but wonder if this is Kuyo’s doing. We don’t actually know his ability yet and he was watching Blyke last night. I think this is probably the most possible thing I’ve said so far, and that’s saying something, but yeah. Otherwise, there’s really nothing I can think of because I can’t even imagine why someone would 1. Be able to find out Blyke was hurt and 2. Sneak into Isen’s room to heal him. Anyway, I’m just confused in general. Excited, but confused.

    Call me stupid in the comments if I missed something else that this could mean because sometimes I just forget things or don’t think of things lol. And right now I especially feel like I’m missing something?

Sera:

    Okay, it’s been weeks and I still get excited because Sera’s learning everything about John. For multiple reasons: one, because she’s known him since the beginning and everything she learns just hits that much harder and two, because she’s probably the character who is going the most in depth with her discovery. She’s for sure the character that has cared the most about knowing who John really is and I really think because of her investigation into John, we’re going to learn something new about him too, maybe if she goes online or something. Maybe she’ll remember something personal that John said and that Isen didn’t know about and she’s able to look online about it and finds something, wouldn’t that be heartbreaking because not only did John betray her, but he was very genuine about it if that makes sense (it doesn’t)? Ignore me, I like to imagine things though and I can really see just Sera’s whole process as a whole go somewhere emotional for both her and John.

    The thing about this, though, is that I do think she’s going to confront John really soon. Probably like in a few episodes or something based on how she’s talking in this one to Isen, so not really sure if what I just talked about is going to fit, but maybe that stuff can happen in their conversation. I don’t know. I just want a moment where Seraphina and John really realize that they’ve lost their friendship and both get sad about it, is that a bad thing to want? Probably. But who knows, John’s in a weird state right now, I don’t really think he’ll get all sad and stuff, he’ll likely get angry or something. Wait, now I want a build up when Sera confronts John where you think he’s going to blow up on her or something, but suddenly he breaks down, letting us see the person behind all of his decisions and actions because John knows he’s a monster (I’m using the fact that he pretended to be a cripple for literally a long ass time to prove this) and that he can’t hide from that. I want to see John confront himself with that and I want Sera to be there. And I know I sound like satan right now, but screw it, this is already very unprofessional. I'm not even analyzing I’m just typing anything that I think.

    On a genuine note, though, I was very happy with Sera explaining how she didn’t think that cripple John was ‘faking’ it. She said, “All the stuff he used to preach to me about… I don’t think he was faking it. He meant everything he said. He regretted his previous actions… and he tried to change.” This is probably the first time another character has really thought about John’s developing character over these events rather than just what he did. Sera is the only one who truly reflected on John and I’m grateful for that. I have to admit, when I first read this episode, I got excited because I thought it kind of supported the big and dramatic claims I’ve been making recently about John, but it doesn’t really. It, however, does nothing to harm it so that’s a win :).

    Anyway, something very interesting to me was Seraphina’s question regarding John’s decision to become a cripple. I don’t think I’ve considered this in depth before so this question was pretty surprising to me to see from Sera. She doesn’t understand why John enrolled as a cripple in Wellston as opposed to a mid-tier or someone who would have less chance of being singled out in general. And I’m going to answer this based on what fits with what I’ve been saying about John. If you haven’t read it, go to my page and either scroll or search for episode 167 because I really tried to be detailed there. Anyways, I think John decided to be a cripple just because he felt like the farther away from his bad self he was, the better off he’d be because what Sera doesn’t understand yet is that John wasn’t just trying to hide from other people when he transferred to Wellston, he was also trying to hide from himself. He probably felt distance was the best way to do that and I use the fact that he moved from a town relatively far away to Wellston (according to Isen’s early interrogation of John) as evidence. Anyway, Seraphina doesn’t think about this or maybe just doesn’t believe that and says that it was a bad idea for John to pose as a cripple purely because it forced him to place himself in a position similar to his before he gained his powers, and obviously it didn’t lead to the best place last time. 

    I do think Seraphina is wrong in one thing, however. She thinks that John doesn’t want to be put in the same situation as he was before New Bostin, she labels that as his downfall, but I personally believe that John might have done this on purpose to feel as least powerful as he could. But I don’t really have any reasoning behind that though so, dead end. But something else that I disagree with Seraphina on was how she said, “And just like before… He couldn’t handle the pain of being a cripple.” I read that for the first time and just thought damn. That was such a cold statement. And in response all I have to say is that John was handling the pain of being a cripple just fine, it was only when he was forced to shed that that he lost grip of his facade. Seraphina is completely wrong on this point, and I hope she learns that in the future. Like, I’m sorry, but that statement could literally not be more incorrect. I’m stunned at how much that contradicts reality.

[dillydedalus]

september reading

there is literally no way it is september. impossible. anyway this month we have  horror, Fake Dating, the rashomon effect, a time war, and most importantly, no neutrals to be found anywhere

the old man & his sons, heðin brú (tr. from faroese by john f. west) published on the faroe islands in 1940 and the first faroese novel to be translated into english, this is a story about the dramatic shift in life style during the 30s on the faroe islands, from hardscrabble subsistence farming/fishing to market economy. interesting look at changing life on isolated isles, and a much lighter (and shorter) take on the stubborn autonomous subsistence farmer than laxness’s independent people. 3/5

the white shroud, antanas škėma (tr from lithuanian by karla gruodis - english/claudia sinnig - german) a modernist, fragmented, nonlinear novel about a lithuanian poet gone into exile, now working as an elevator operator in a new york hotel, who is involved with a married woman but might also be terminally ill. in between the present timeline, the book flashes back (both in the character’s own writing and in third person) to his youth in lithuania, his torture at the hands of the soviet regime, his time at a DP camp in germany and so on. quite interesting, with some great writing. 3/5

things we lost in the fire, mariana enríquez (tr. from spanish by megan mcdowell) really good collection of horror-ish short stories that also touch on gendered violence, child abuse, poverty and argentinian history (esp. dictatorship and disappearances) - some stories are more overtly horror, with clear supernatural elements, others are more ambiguous. i don’t read (or watch) horror stuff so i’m a bad judge of how scary this is - i found it more gruesome and upsetting than terrifying, but the dread is strong in this one. favourites: adela’s house (hungry haunted house), end of term and the title story (women & self-inflictred violence), under the black water (the poisoned oil-choked river is very bad but maybe.... there’s something worse in there). good, vividly gruesome, sharp sharp sharp. 3.5/5

axiom’s end, lindsay ellis i really like lindsay ellis, of all the ~youtube video essayists~ she’s probably my favourite and this book a) has a cool premise - aliens + conspiracies + alien communication and b) a really cool cover, and it’s lindsay, so i was super excited for this one. and it would be unfair to say i was disappointed with it; it’s a fun first contact romp with really good pacing, cool aliens, on-brand lindsay ellis humour and some interesting ideas on communicating with someone who is truly alien and incomprehensible. it’s fine! i enjoyed it and will definitely read the sequel, it’s just... i was hoping it would be AMAZING, and it just wasn’t. no huge problems (except for a few lines i would have liked to take a red pen to), just.... it was fine. 3.5/5 

zeno’s conscience, italo svevo (tr. from italian by william weaver) imagine you’re a businessman in trieste who does a little unsuccessful writing on the side and one day you decide to take english lessons to improve your business opportunities with the uk and your english teacher is JAMES FUCKING JOYCE who tells you that you need to keep writing. incredible. anyway these are the autobiographical notes of one zeno cosini, a hapless hypochondriac smug self-delusional fool, who just cannot quite quit smoking, marries the one sister out of three he least desires, & works as an accountant (for the man who married his most-desired of said sisters) despite his rather tenuous grasp on bookkeeping. my favourite scene is when his future sister in law (2nd most desired) complains lightly about her difficulties with latin, he tells her that he believes latin is a man’s language and even roman ladies probably didn’t actually speak it, only for her to correct him on a latin quotation. i will say tho that this book is way to long to maintain the endearingness and often drags. 3/5 tfw u write for an audience of one but that one is james joyce so fair enough

der hund/der tunnel/die panne, friedrich dürrenmatt dürrenmatt (in addition to having a cool-ass name) really fucking slaps!  his stuff is really good, and often really really wild. these three stories are all weird & slightly existentially scary, two degrees left of reality, and just. so interesting! we have a man stalking a street preacher and his monstrous dog, a train going through a tunnel for way too long (and it is very scary), and a man becoming involved in a pretend-trial (or is it) and becoming convinced that he actually is a murderer (or is he, really?). anyway, dürrenmatt.... slaps. 4/5

wow, no thank you., samantha irby a mix of memoir and comedy blogpost and social critique blogpost about growing up poor & black, dating while fat, chronic illness, and settling down in rural america. it’s fine. i haven’t read irby’s previous collections so maybe i’m missing that emotional connection, but i thought it was mostly...okay?? not especially funny imo & i prefered the more serious chapters of which there weren’t enough. 2/5

they say in harlan county: an oral history, alessandro portelli really impressive oral history about life in harlan county, appalachia, focusing on the labor strikes and conflicts in the 30s and 40s, but really exploring life and politics in the region from the first non-native settlement there to today. really interesting, sometimes inspiring and often infuriating and probably worth reading if you’ve ever listened to which side are you on. 4/5

rashomon & other stories, ryunosuke akutagawa (tr. from japanese by jay rubin) fun fact: if you read the short story “rashomon” expecting to get the, y’know, rashomon effect, you won’t get it bc the film actually takes its plot from the story  “in a grove”. anyway this is an interesting collection of classic japanese short stories, many of which are actually about unreliable witnesses/narrators. i particularly enjoyed “in a grove” and the truly disturbing “hell screen”, but found this particular collection just a bit too long. 3/5

women without men, shahrnush parsipur (tr. from farsi by kamran talatoff & joceyln sharlet) a magical realist feminist novella about 5 women in iran who all try to liberate themselves from men in one way or another, more or less successfully (one of them turns into a tree, another becomes undead), until they end up in a semi-utopian garden together for a time. disturbing in its depiction oppression and sexual/gendered violence. i don’t really know how i feel about it, but it’s a really unique and interesting reading experience; very fraught and ambivalent in the end. 3.5/5

take a hint, dani brown, talia hibbert i think this is the first actual pure genre-romance book i’ve read... in years??possibly ever? idk. anyway this is mostly a pretty fun & sweet story about ambitious & emotionally constipated phd student dani brown and security guy with tragic past zaf ansari, who begin a fake relationship for Various Reasons (as you do) and both develop Real Feelings (as you do, predictably). it’s mostly really enjoyable but man i’m really not used to Romance writing & it’s a lot. in the end everyone is very genuine & earnest & emotionally honest which.... not to be even more emotionally repressed than dani but i cannot deal with that. anyway given that 2020 truly is the gift that keeps on giving this was a fun fluffy delight & i might  read more from the series. 3.5/5

this is how you lose the time war, amal el-mohtar & max gladstone two agents (red and blue) on opposing sides of a time war (the futuristic techy Agency vs the eco/organic Garden - neither of them is Good or Bad exactly) start writing letters as they hunt each other through the strands of time’s braid and eventually (inevitably) fall in love. really interesting concept of time travel and different timelines (if, like me, you conceptualise past as down and future as up, this will trip you up so much), very lyrical writing that sometimes toes the line to overwritten but mostly really works. 3.5/5

DNF: the madman of freedom square & the iraqi christ, hassan blasim (tr. from arabic by jonathan wright, german tr. by hartmut fähndrich) bindup of these two short story collections about iraq. these are incredibly brutal, depressing & horrifying stories about a country in a constant state of war & struggle. couldn’t bear it, probably not ever & certainly not right now. 

allegro pastell, leif randt (audio) this is brilliant, bitingly funny novel about a millenial couple, tanja & jerome, and their on-and-off long distance relationship. they are privileged (and half-aware of it), attractive, successful, very in touch with their own feelings (couldn’t be me), self-reflective, faintly ironic in everything bc sincerity might be cringe, and you will hate them. these are people who perform their feelings rather than feel them, dissect all their opinions and impulses to the point of both paralysis and narcissism, engage in constant navelgazing and cannot form any relationship that isn’t based in constant evaluation and judgment. they pride themselves on their nonconformity but are really the greatest conformists of all, and the most square, boring, spießig people under the veneer of their urban liberal drug-and-club lifestyle. had so much fun with it even as i was constantly cringing at these people. 4/5

[phantomphangphucker]

Wes Plays Match Maker - Phic Phight

Prompt Creator: @deredereart Prompt: After meeting Dani and finding out Vlad is a ghost, Wes’ theories about Phantom seem less absurd to Valerie than before. Summary: Valerie steals Wes's binder and has some questions

Warning: mentions of the violence Dan did

Danny Fenton is minding his own business when someone slams an overfilled stripped black and white binder with notes, pictures and papers sticking out of it at odd ends; onto the table. Danny blinks at it a bit before putting down his milkshake and lifting his head up. “Uh, hey Val? What’s with the binder? That’s a little disorganised for you”, Danny can’t help but smile at her. Valerie gives him a soft but silly smile as she sits down. She jabs a finger on the cover of the binder and says, “Phantom, you damn moron”.

Danny coughs a little bit before composing himself, “um what? Either somehow Phantom turned himself into a kind of sad looking binder or I’m really confused”. Valerie laughs while shaking her head, putting a hand over her face “you are scary good at making up shit in the spot, you know that?”. Then after lowering her hand as Danny chuckles a little, “so I was sitting in class today and that Wes kid is going off with his conspiracy again. But you know what, Danny?”. Danny can’t help but groan and shuffle his feet nervously, “that kid is quite the loony handful isn’t he? And what?”. Valerie smirks, “yeah his theories were pretty crazy and him screaming like a madman doesn’t help. He had a giant bell today to draw attention to himself”. By the time Valerie’s done speaking Danny’s head is on the table and he’s laughing his ass off. Functionally killing his nerves. “I could live with that if he stopped trying to dump white paint and flour on me, he’s wrecked almost half my shirts at this point”, Danny is muffled by the table top.

Valerie nods, “yeah that’s pretty extreme, plus it’s kind of a dick move to be trying to out you like that anyways”. Danny chuckles, “yeah tell me about- wait, what?”. Danny lifts his head up off the table and gives her a puzzled look, just barely concealing his worry. Valerie taps on the binder, “I lifted this off Wes, with all this shit I think the only reason no ones realised is because no one thinks it’s possible”.

“Uh”, is all Danny can think of saying at the moment, he really has no clue what in all Wes has on him. Valerie chuckles lightly and leans her face down to Danny’s, which is only a little bit off the table, facing her. “After meeting Dani I saw Vlad do his whole transformation bit. And you know what?”

“Uh, what?”, Danny makes a point to sound completely confused. Valerie rolls her eyes at his fake confusion, “well half ghosts are real, Dani looks like and is the cousin of Phantom. So...”. Danny tried to look even more confused and is completely panicked at this point, “pretty sure Phantom doesn’t have a cousin”. Is all he gives as a response hoping that by not lying he’ll seem more believable. Valerie leans back and shakes her head at him while smiling, “pretty sure you both said you’re cousins and you know you could have just told me you moron. You were right, there’s no way I could fight or kill something that’s even part human. You included”.

Danny sits up right and rubs his neck, “well alright then...”. Valerie laughs loudly, “seriously? How was I supposed to not put it together. Danny, the minute I found out half ghost were a thing it was pretty hard not to wonder about Phantom. And then with Vlad? Who doesn’t bother changing his first name? Come on Danny?”. Danny throws his hands up dramatically but whispers, “I was 14, never claimed to be creative”. Valerie rolls her eyes, “so...”.

Danny smack his head as he clues in that she’s trying to get him to admit to it, “I’m not much of one for secret telling, Val. But yeah, ok, I’m Phantom”. Valerie smiles softly as Danny rubs his neck looking away from her, “finally, and Danny? Fenton, Phantom? Those sound so similar, at least Masters and Plasmius sound wildly different”. Danny shrugs, “I’m a punny man, I couldn’t resist. But you’re not mad?”.

Valerie rolls her eyes, “I’m not happy but no I’m not mad. I wish you had told me on your own, in the beginning I get you lying cause we weren’t friends in any way. But then we dated and the whole truce with Phantom happened, so why?”. Danny shrugs, sipping his drink a bit before responding, “like I said I’m not much of a secret teller, hell I’ve never actually told anyone. All the people who know either knew from the start or stumbled on it on their own”. Valerie looks a little shocked at this but she understands it, “well I would have trusted you once I knew but I do need to know why you attacked my suit. Did you know I wasn’t in there?”. Danny nods at her, “yeah, Technus was.  I knew it wasn’t you Val. I would never fight you full force like that”. Valerie smirks, “good and honestly, I could tell you were never fully trying. I used to take that as an insult”. Danny blinks a couple times before looking sheepish.

Valerie thinks for a second and furrows her brows, “you said from the beginning, earlier, there’s no way you’ve always been half ghost so, like, what the hell Danny?”. Danny raises an eyebrow and laughs, “you’re asking for my superhero origin story?”. Valerie sighs and facepalms, “you can be so awful but yes, yes I am. And I guess you really are, aren’t you?”. Danny shrugs, “well powers, I fight crime, save the city, even the world once or twice. So yeah I’d say superhero fits. Jazz even likes to say I have a hero complex”. Danny shakes his head and chuckles before continuing, “but to put it really simply my parents built a ghost portal, it didn’t work. I went inside it, accidentally turned it on, got half killed. Sam and Tuck where there, lots of screaming”. Valerie looks shocked and a bit disturbed, “that, that was incredibly dumb of you. Also, that sounds horribly painful”. Danny nods frowning, “well the entirety of the ghost zone basically electrocuted me, so yeah. It hurt. I was Phantom when I fell out of the portal, we all thought I was flat out dead till I changed back. And at least I thought the thing didn’t and couldn’t work. Vlad thought the college mini portal would work and yet he still shoved his head in it just as it was turned on”. Valerie facepalms again while grimacing, “ok yeah that’s even more stupid. But that must have been terrifying Danny”.

Danny nods, “once we figured out I wasn’t actually dead, it was sorta ok. More worried about my parents at that point. Now them trying to kill me or dissect me all the time has just become the butt of a joke!” Danny laughs pretty loudly while Valerie looks horrified.

“Danny what! That is so very stupid. I’d say you should tell them but unlike me, I don’t think they’ve ever cooperated with any ghost or half ghost”, Valerie shakes her head as Danny laughs a bit more. Danny sighing, “they’ve cooperated with Phantom once or twice. But even though I know they’ll accept me, I’d rather not deal with them going all scientist on me or trying to “fix me” either”. Valerie nods, totally getting it, “yeah I wouldn’t want my dad trying to change me so I guess I get it. That’s why I was so mad when you revealed me that time, not cool by the way”.

Danny rubs his neck, “yeah, I didn’t really have time to waste and I couldn’t let you take the battle suit. I’m pretty much the only person who could use that thing without dying. Well fully dying”. Valerie responds with an eyebrow raised, “was it really that bad?”.

“Yes, it nearly fully killed me as it was. Any normal human would have died and failed to seal Pairah away again”. Valerie slugs him in the shoulder, “so you almost killed yourself? Christ Danny you dumbass. But I guess there really wasn’t any other way”. Shaking her head, “you’re not all powerful, so maybe ask for help next time?”. Valerie is kind of surprised when Danny starts laughing so hard that he tears up a little, “Val, um you’re kind of wrong on that. If I had wanted to 14 year old me could have destroyed the entire world in the span of 10 years. Hell, that actually happened until I fucked around with the time stream. And that timelines me is actually weaker than I am now, he didn’t even have ice powers”. Valerie is gapping like a fish, “what? You were supposed to destroy the world? What the fuck?”. Danny rubs his neck, “yeah if you want the rundown, because I’m pretty much over the trauma of it at this point. All my family and friends died in an explosion, Vlad adopted me, ripped out my humanity and the ghost me ripped out Vlad’s humanity, the ghost me fused with Vlad’s ghost, murdered human me and then spent the next 10 years mass killing every human and ghost. As well as destroying all the buildings, he threw tanks at people while laughing”. Valerie looks completely freaked out, “what the fuck Danny, that-that is completely awful”. Danny nods looking a little uncomfortable, “yeah and it was a pretty big mind fuck going to that future just as he was trying to destroy Amity. You were there and called young me or me from the past, cute after I saved you from being killed by the evil me. Who’s called Dan by the way”. Valerie shakes her head, “well you are still cute Danny but how the hell did you even stop this future from happening?”. Danny laughs a little, “well Dan came to my, at the time, present and pretended to be me so he could basically murder my friends and family to make sure I became him. But I went and fist fought him, I totally lost but this time ghost saved them and reversed time. He basically pushed restart and thus made it so that I could avoid everyone dying. Dan still exists though, just outside of time having a time out in a thermos”. Valerie shakes her head, “that is ridiculous, well don’t ever go evil”. Danny laughs, “I don’t intend to”.

Valerie shakes herself off, “on a lighter note, you really should look”. Valerie shoves the binder at Danny. While Danny flips through the pages he can’t help but shake his head, “I think Sam and Tuck need costumes or something. At least he’s never caught me mid-transformation”. Valerie chuckles as Danny closes the book, “I know most of it is easy to dismiss but you really should be more careful, you dumbass. Also yeah, costumes is a good idea”. While Valerie’s been talking Danny has gotten an idea, “hey Val? Does he know you have this?”. As Valerie shakes her head Danny grins, sticking his hand in the binder he ectoblasts the contents to smithereens. Valerie jumps a little and glares at him before laughing, “I’m not sure whether that’s smart or just petty Danny”.

After Danny finishes his shake the two go for a walk, “so Danny, now that I know my lifestyle isn’t a danger to you and that you’re being honest. Want to try the whole us thing again?”. Danny grins widely, “absolutely”. Then smirking to himself, “Paulina would totally be jealous”. Valerie shakes her head, “I’m not telling her I’m dating Phantom you moron”. Danny smacks her playfully, “Val think. Valerie and Danny date, Red and Phantom date”. Valerie starts laughing and Danny joins in, Valerie says through her laughter, “Wes is going to have a heart attack”.

“Good!”

End.

[waywarddaughterwrites]

Chuck

Hey guys! I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I practically work three day jobs, so sometimes writing has to take a backseat to the backseat. I’ve finally had time to write, and I want to share with you the fic for my first ever fic request from the lovely @thecatcharmer! They requested a cute, fluffy fic with Gabriel, The Reader, and a cat. I hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Gabriel/Reader, established relationship

Warnings: Some cottony fluff

Summary: You’d been working back-to-back cases and needed a break. While on a day trip to an outdoor mall with your boyfriend, Gabriel, your day takes an interesting turn.

*********************

“Gabe. Seriously. That is not practical. You don’t need it!”

The mighty archangel Gabriel frowned like a scolded child and dramatically hung his head as he walked away to put the DIY Cotton Candy Machine back on the shelf. You chucked as you turned back to the rack of clothing you were browsing through. Your eyes widened at the outdated patchwork and ungodly amounts of denim in front of you. You had been working back-to-back cases for about a month now and had been in dire need of a break. Not only were you physically exhausted, but you practically hadn’t seen your boyfriend, Gabriel (the heavenly toddler himself), in all that time. Apparently Heaven had been busy, too, not to mention the Winchesters were causing trouble that Gabe inevitably got roped into. You’d met them a few times, even worked a couple of cases with them. They’d offered for you to tag along, but solo was more your style. The less you had to worry about, the less there was to distract you on a hunt. Of course, as your boyfriend had lovingly pointed out, also the less there is to back you up when you need it. You’d brushed that off, knowing that with a quick prayer Gabe would always have your back. You’d known him for several years and had been dating him for two. Sometimes it felt like the relationship was still brand-new. Sometimes…

“Hey babe! Look at me!”

…sometimes it had felt like forever. Rolling your eyes in anticipation, you turned and saw Gabriel standing in the aisle in front of you in the most hilariously hideous combination of clothing you’d seen. He had lime green corduroy pants tied with a scarf belt, a 70’s-esque suede tassel vest over top of a neon pink tshirt with the words “Fight The Man” emblazoned on the front. Overtop of all of this was a giant probably-used-to-be-white fur coat that trailed onto the floor. He had a comically large sombrero on his head and thick, orange-rimmed coke bottle glasses on his face. He had a shit-eating grin and spread his arms wide, turning slowly to allow you the full effect of the nightmare. Your mouth had dropped open and you were torn between laughing until your lungs gave out and pretending you didn’t know him. You looked around the small thrift store and noticed that there were only a couple of other people there and luckily, they hadn’t noticed the monstrosity that was your (luck you!) boyfriend.

Gabriel sauntered over toward you, palpably proud of himself. You couldn’t help your giggles as he wrapped his hands around your waist and dipped you. He leaned down to kiss you, but the sombrero bumped your forehead on his way down, effectively blocking him from his goal. He huffed up at the hat and you couldn’t stop the sudden burst of laughter the sight instigated from you. He grinned back down at you, eyes shining in mirth.

“So, about that cotton candy maker…”

You raised your eyebrows at him. “Are you..? Is this..? Is this a *threat* sir?” His only response was to waggle his eyebrows at you. “Gabriel, why do you need a cotton candy maker when you can literally snap it into the room whenever you want?”

He pouted “it’s not the same!” He lifted you back into a standing position and whipped off the hat, bowing to you and offering his hand. “A dance, good madam?”

“There’s not even any…” Gabe quirked an eyebrow and suddenly the dusty speakers overhead were belting a hoe-down type of song, “…music.” You rolled your eyes and took his hand. He immediately started into a mix between a tango and a line-dance. You laughed at the sheer absurdity of it and noticed as he spun you that you’d garnered the attention of your handful of fellow shoppers. They were smiling and when the song ended and Gabriel finished with you in a dip, your onlookers clapped and whooped good-naturedly. You blushed in embarrassment, but when you saw the mirth in Gabe’s face you didn’t care. God, you loved that man.

************

Twenty minutes later the two of you had left the store and were walking along the sidewalk of shops, Gabriel was cooing at his new cotton candy maker like it was a newborn baby and (thank his Father) back in his normal clothes. You were absentmindedly window shopping as the two of you casually strolled past the shops, vaguely thinking about dinner and a long, hot bubble bath in your future, when something caught your eye. Actually, your hip, as Gabriel had stopped dead and you’d walked into the corner of his new “cottony baby.” Letting a small huff of annoyance, you glanced at your boyfriend, who was paying you no mind. You followed his gaze to the shop ahead of you: Buddies “R” Us. The pet shop. In the window was a glass container with small kittens playing with brightly colored balls. Gabriel’s eyes were wide and you had to admit, the sight was cute.

“Can we go in?” Gabriel asked in a voice like a child asking if the present really was for him.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “I mean, sure? But what are you going to do with that?” You looked pointedly at the giant box in his arms. He rolled his eyes at you and the box was gone, probably now sitting in your apartment. He took your hand and raced to the door, pulling you along in his excitement.

The shop was impressive. You were struck by the cacophony of animal sounds. There were squawks and chirps and meows and barks and a few snorts coming from every corner of the shop, which was bigger on the inside than you had expected. Gabriel had gone immediately to the tank of kittens you’d seen in the window and was leaning over the side, scratching one on his head as the others scrambled for attention. You smiled fondly at the sight. He looked up and saw you watching him. He winked and beckoned you over. Picking up a golden kitten, he plopped him into your arms. You giggled as it immediately began purring and batting at your hair.

“He’s a sweetie, isn’t he? Good choice.”

You turned and saw a young woman, obviously a shop employee, watching you with the kitten.

“Oh, no. I’m not actually getting an animal today, I just…I’m sorry,” you stammered, putting the cat back into the tank.

“Well why not?” Gabriel asked from behind you. You turned to him and looked at him as though he had grown a second head.

“Because I’m barely home? Because my *job* makes me travel and stay away for days at a time? I don’t have the time to take care of an animal.”

The clerk had been standing beside you, good-naturedly listening and smiling. “Not to worry!” She started, “there are several animals you could get that are low-maintenance. Just refill their food bowls every couple of days, clean their cages, and you’re fine!”

You gave her a halfhearted smile and said a little more firmly, “I appreciate it, but no. It’s not going to happen for me, I’m sorry.”

The clerk seemed to take the hint and walked away to another customer. Gabriel came up behind you with a puppy in his hands. The puppy licked your ear and caused you to startle and turn around toward the pair. “Come on, (y/n), not even a fish?”

You raised your eyebrow at him again. “No, Gabe. I’m not getting an animal. It wouldn’t be fair to the animal.” Your phone began to buzz in your pocket and you turned away to pull it out as Gabriel put the puppy back where he found it.

Looking at your phone, you saw:

“Working a job in town. Vamps. In and out but could use the backup. You in?”

You sent back a quick reply and closed your phone as a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist from behind. You leaned in to the embrace.

“What’s up, buttercup?”

“Got a text from Jamie. She needs backup for a case tonight.” You felt his shoulders sag a bit and you turned around to face him and wrap your arms around his neck. “She says it’s a quick in-and-out vamp nest, she just wants some backup. I promise I won’t be out too late.” You smiled sweetly up at him and he gave a small sigh and leaned down to kiss your nose.

“Just be safe.”

“I always am.”

****************

“Quick in-and-out my ass,” you thought to yourself as you limped toward your apartment building. The two vamps Jamie had been tracking had had four secret friends. Three-on-one with vamps had been exhausting. You’d been through worse, but you knew Gabe was likely to scold you for not calling him to help. He hated when you showed up bruised and beaten, no matter that this was the life you’d chosen and he could easily patch you up with a snap of his fingers.

You rolled your shoulder, hearing pops and cracks as your muscles and joints protested. You’d been thrown into a wall on that shoulder, you were lucky it hadn’t been dislocated. The gash on your left leg where one of them had gotten you with a knife was much worse. You’d torn off one of your sleeves to wrap around the wound, but the torn sleeve exposed the fresh bruises and cuts down your arm. You were in bad shape, but you’d beaten them, and you both had made it out alive. That was a success in your book, no matter what the angel said.

One more block to go. Your building was in sight but your leg was aching and begging for a quick rest. You leaned onto a stoop and stretched. You groaned at the feeling of your muscles extending.

A sound from the alley beside you startled you into defense-mode and immediately you were standing with your weapon drawn facing the potential threat. There was something rustling near the dumpster. Cautiously, you approached it. Kicking aside a bag of trash you located the potential threat.

“Mew”

You put your blade away as you took in the bedraggled sight in front of you. Staring up at you was a small bundle of matted fur with pointy ears and tiny paws. You crouched down and reached your hand out, letting the kitten sniff your fingers to prove that you weren’t a threat. He sniffed a moment before rubbing his face against your hand, purring.

“The fact that you aren’t bothered by the smell of dead vampire is a sign of how long you’ve probably been out here all alone, huh? What are you doing out here boy?”

The half-starved little kitten boldly moved toward you and rubbed against your leg, letting you pet his back. He squeaked a bit in surprise when you scooped him up, but didn’t protest.

Wait, why were you holding a kitten?

You pulled him back away from you and thought about putting him down. What exactly was the plan here? You’d told Gabriel earlier that very day that a pet wasn’t going to work for your lifestyle. You looked at the pair of large lamp-like eyes staring back at you. The kitten mewed and began licking at a small wound on your hand. Well…there’s nothing wrong with helping a cute little stray find a new home. You’d promised Gabriel you’d take a few days off, this time you’d keep the promise and use the time to help relocate this little guy.

Your mind made up, you tucked him into the crook of your arm, where he snuggled into your dirty shirt and purred again. You limped the rest of the way home, trying to figure out what you were going to tell Gabriel when you showed up and what he might say.

You were right around the corner from your apartment, the biggest hurtle being the damnable stairs you were trying to climb while injured and holding a cat. Why did you live on the third floor? Why?

You finally got to your apartment and, after fumbling with your keys one-handed, opened the door to the sight of your boyfriend sitting on the couch setting up his new cotton candy toy. The moment the door opened he looked up at you, concern evident on every inch of his face. His frown deepened as he took in your current state. He didn’t seem to notice the tiny ball of fur curled in the crook of your left elbow.

“You have a funny definition of ‘won’t be out too late’.”

He walked toward you and cupped your face in his hands. “You were starting to worry me.” He kissed your forehead and with the touch you felt the wonderfully tingling sensation of warmth and lightness wash over you. You sighed in relief, your pain gone.

“Mew?”

You’d forgotten about the suddenly-squirmy bundle in your arms. Gabriel started at the noise, looked down, and raised his eyes slowly back up to meet yours, an eyebrow cocking in question.

“Who’s your friend?”

You blushed and began to stammer out, “I was walking, well, limping back here and…he was in a dumpster-well not in the dumpster-but the point is he looked so sad and I couldn’t leave him there-” you stopped when Gabriel began to chuckle at you.

“What happened to 'I don’t have time for animals?’”

“I still believe that, but you’ve said for weeks now I need a break and this little guy needs a home so I thought: why not spend my break helping him find one? I mean look at him, isn’t he adorable?”

You looked down at the kitten in your arms and noticed vaguely that Gabriel’s healing seemed to have accidentally affected him, too. The matting was gone and in its place was a beautiful brown tabby coat.

Gabriel lifted your chin with his finger and kissed you softly on your lips.

“I think it’s a wonderful idea, sugar plum. Did you have any ideas on a name for the little guy?”

You lifted the kitten with both hands to eye-level. He gave you a calculating stare, as if measuring you up, which quickly turned playful as he batted your nose with his tiny paws. You grinned.

“How about Chuck?”