#and preferably have my partner help check it for infection since I can’t myself unless I craft a silly mirror system

[horrificmemes]

LOTS O’ Tips on Writing: Blindness

Hey y’all, so I’m not really a reference blog exactly, but I figured I would share some of my experience in writing (and in life) with a character type that a lot of people seem unsure of how to represent. That would be characters with partial or complete blindness. I myself have one character who is completely blind, and I too am on the low-sighted spectrum, so I figured I’d clear up a few misconceptions about characters with blindness! This is a long post, so part of it is under a read-more, but I include subjects ranging from medical details to describing non-visual senses to handling romantic relationships.

1) Blindness is totally a spectrum. Someone who is legally blind at 20/200 vision doesn’t see “nothing but black”. In fact, people who are legally blind can sometimes see enough to use some adjusted devices or read large-print books! Legal blindness (or low vision) means that someone’s eyesight is very poor even with their highest corrective lenses. 20/200 means that something 20 feet away from them has the same definition as something 200 feet away from a well-sighted person. That’s why 20/20 vision often represents “perfect” vision, because objects at 20 feet look like they’re... well, 20 feet away. Sometimes, legal blindness can be caused by natural degeneration from severe myopia (nearsightedness) from age, extreme strain, or just genetics.

2) When thinking of what a visually impaired person experiences as far as sight, ask yourself if the description is necessary first, then listen to interviews or podcasts for a description if you do need it. Please don’t take the word of someone with no eye function at all and apply it to someone with severe myopia or cataracts, because blindness varies. People with one cause of blindness may have cloudy vision, extremely blurred vision, ‘missing’ spots in their sight, or lack of color, while someone without any eye function (or without any eyes at all) will wonder why you’d even ask! Often “a black void” or “nothing but white” isn’t exactly true. Someone who doesn’t see color or light won’t see a lack of light either! Black? White? What? You really don’t have to even describe what they "see” unless they are partially-sighted.

3) Characters with all forms of disability can still do some badass shit. They can defend themselves as well as another character, they can learn to navigate a new space, they can play games and run and be athletic. They can be artists, musicians, or even own their own business. They can do their own household chores. They can be great parents. They can use modern tools and devices with the right adjustments. Don’t be afraid to let them accept - or ask for - help, but please don’t make it seem as though they’ve become useless. Give them all kinds of talents! (for example, my visually impaired muse can channel spirits, tends to her own herb garden, and is a classically-trained soprano. Possibilities are endless, you guys!)

4) Cause of blindness should be known if you insist on describing your character’s full facial appearance and how their blindness affects them. But remember this: you don’t have to draw attention to the appearance of someone’s eyes constantly. Don’t let that be the only thing that defines them. Here are a few tips though: many people who are legally blind have very ordinary-looking eyes. The cloudy white/blue eyes you often see is usually from diseases like cataracts, while paled eyes without visible pupils may be from congenital (childhood) glaucoma. Other forms of glaucoma cause black spots in the iris. Cataracts and glaucoma can coexist in one person. Eyes can have an inflamed red sclera from bacterial infection-induced blindness such as meningitis. Some infectious diseases require removal of the eyes (we see this in cats and other animals all the time). There are tons more reasons. When researching the cause of your character’s blindness, pay attention to the level of impairment, because not all causes of blindness have the same outcome!

5) People whose eyes have nerve damage don’t always move perfectly together. As tempting as it is to give your visually impaired character the ability to eerily stare directly into someone else’s gaze all the time, often people who lack nerve control in the eyes have issues of mobility now and again or even constantly: eyes that move independently, one or both eyes that won’t move at all, one pupil stuck in full dilation (anisocoria), and they may not be aware that their eyes are moving in odd places. Please don’t use this as fuel for humor, as some folk go out of their way to cover their eyes constantly because of this. Speaking of cover, not all visually impaired people wear sunglasses like the cliche in movies. Many will wear them in public because their eyes are very sensitive to light rays or because the light gives them horrible headaches, while others choose to cover their eyes because they’re aware that their eyes lack mobility control or they’re shy about a drooping lid/etc. Not everyone who has problems with vision wears something over their eyes.

More information on memories, relationships, and making the best of five senses are in the read-more!

6) Memories - let’s talk about memories. Often, someone who goes completely blind before the ages of 7-8 won’t have many visual memories at all once they reach adulthood. They may not recall color, details of faces, or how to visually recall the shapes of objects. Objects may be described with adjectives such as “sharp”, “bumpy”, “dry”, “cold”, etc. Dreams are often not visual in this case. Please avoid the stereotype of “my character has been blind since birth, but they can see perfectly in their dreams and recognize everything just fine” unless something wickedly supernatural or divine is at work. People who are blind still dream! Some have reported extremely vivid dreams that are a lot like their waking life - full of smells, taste, tactile senses, emotions, sound (and fury, signifying nothing). That was a Shakespeare joke. Fight me. Also remember that if your character has recently gone through surgery to regain sight, they could likely still automatically rely on other senses out of habit or to ‘check’ what they’re perceiving. Sure, they can see that flower pot in front of them now, but maybe they want to touch it too. Who wouldn’t? Flower petals are super nice and soft.

7) The other five senses are amazing. Did I say five? You bet your ass, I did. Because there’s one sense people tend to forget, and that’s ‘aura’ or ‘proximity’. Have you ever been sitting with your eyes closed, but you can feel someone walk behind you even if they’re trying to be super quiet? If that can happen to you, it can happen to someone without vision also! Don’t be afraid to note that your visually impaired character isn’t so vulnerable that they’re startled by everything. It’s fine to let other characters be delicate or careful with them, especially if they’re still getting to know one another and their friends are being considerate, but you don’t have to make them so paranoid that they never trust their surroundings. Have them smell someone’s shampoo as they walk by. Have them hear a whisper from an adjoining room. Have them sense the electricity of their partner just as they’re about to embrace them, or lean in for a kiss without having to be guided because they can find their lips by feeling their breath. Let them be courageous with their hands, identifying objects or people confidently through touch. Let them initiate. 

8) Speaking of partners: just because your character may not be able to see someone’s face/body doesn’t mean they can’t be attracted to them, have crushes, lust after someone, or fall in love. Think of a sighted character for a moment. What do they love about their partner or crush? I’m sure you’ve got a list of over a dozen things unrelated to appearance, and guess what? Those are perfect here! Your visually impaired muse may adore someone’s voice, their scent, their laugh, how soft their skin is, their calloused well-worked hands, how long/short their hair is, playing with their thick curls, how warm their hugs are, their sense of humor, their determination, or some talent they have that makes them incredible. Don’t refuse your character an experience without a solid reason.

9) On that same subject, it shouldn’t even need to be said: visually impaired characters cover all ranges of sexual and romantic preference. Absolutely your character can be ace, aro, or a combination. But please avoid the excuse of “they don’t feel attraction because they can’t perceive beauty, so therefore they aren’t fit for a relationship”. If sexual preference was all about how nice someone looks, I’d have 4000 pictures of Ryan Reynolds on my bedroom wall. A+ face right there. Then again, I may still make a collage of his twitter posts.

10) Give your character tools. Not just a cane, but let them use their whole body to help them navigate. Counting steps, listening for cues in a certain area, touching the furniture, and relying on memory as well. Let them walk the streets about town, remembering a certain smell from the restaurant two blocks from home, or the sound of the coffee grinder from the bookstore at the corner. In a modern verse, using an ATM card is a great way to let your character make purchases without making them worry “shit, did I just give them a $20 for my $5 purchase?” Let your character organize their things in such a way that they can pick out their necessities confidently. Independence, people!

11) Here’s a bonus note: some people have used echolocation to help them navigate (usually by tapping a cane or other tool against surrounding surfaces to feel/hear the vibration return to them). This is super cool but also super rare to do perfectly. If this is your character’s thing, it’s very significant and special to them - unless they live in a society where everyone is capable of it, this is a talent that will make them stand out and should be used wisely. It’s easy to collect lots of super cool talents and abilities and realize all too late that some people might be rolling their eyes at a very over-skilled character.

12) Your visually impaired character can be clumsy. They can have terrible sense of direction. They can be anxious or easily startled due to their natural disposition. They can mix up their night and day. All of that is fine, but it’s not all necessary. Don’t forget to sprinkle in some useful skills or even a positive outlook! A character with blindness is not a useless character or a helpless character, and one person with a visual impairment may handle their daily life completely different than another. You can have a character who is blind but not a source of pity.

This is not a complete list of everything you’d need to know, but it’s a start if you’re very interested in RPing as a character with some level of blindness. I hope this helped, and if you have questions, please feel free to IM me or ask a question off anon so that I can answer privately. :)

[ellaintrigue]

Here is a word I don't use often: "evil." Frankly, because it's kind of an old, mythical sounding word, at least in my opinion. Now, I haven't seen much of my dad's side of the family in years but a couple of years ago two of my first cousins added me on FaceBook. There were spats over politics that I have since realized were petty, with me as the instigator. The rest of the family I stopped seeing when I was a teenager and started working. I just didn't seem to have anything in common with them. My aunts are nice people but I've always preferred my mom's side of the family, and my dad's mother was abusive towards him although he'll never admit it. He says that her splitting his mouth open numerous times when he was a small boy kept him in line. I cannot imagine punching an 8-year-old in the face...

All of my cousins (there's like 5 total) seem like family people with good morals and I was talking to one on a regular basis but I've officially reached the end of the road with her. My parents told me to block her but I'm a big girl and come to my own conclusions. She can stay on FaceBook, and we can send each other Christmas cards if we want because I'm actually pretty relaxed when it comes to it. But I cannot forgive.

In the first screenshot, a few months ago, she hits me up complaining about something my mom posted on FaceBook. Then she proceeds to imply mom could have prevented her current cancer diagnosis.

That was hard for me to swallow. Her saying that, not about testing. Everyone knows that if hey, cool, you get checked for cancer soon enough then you'll probably be okay. But that just isn't how life works or no one would die of cancer. When Cousin Charles and his wife died months apart from each other of lung cancer all I thought was how sad it was, not "OMG WHY DID THEY SMOKE OMG THEY SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN CHECKED SOONER." That line of thinking doesn't do any good.

My cousin's words hurt me, and I didn't want to repeat them to my mom because they would hurt her, but almost a month later, I did, because I felt mom had a right to know. My cousin argued with mom on FaceBook over politics, which I saw as harmless. Politics bring out the worst in people but if they want to go back and forth, then whatever. But then my cousin said this crap to me, then she started bashing my mom hard on FB in their discussions before I told mom what she said. So mom took her off of FaceBook since my cousin was mocking her and calling her stupid. (This cousin is in her mid-40's by the way.)

My cousin then proceeds to message mom asking her why she was unfriended and mom called her out on what she said to me. At this point my cousin tells my mom she thought my mom was so smart she knew to get tested for cancer. Mom cut her off totally and I was further enraged.

Now a couple of months later I hadn't forgotten those two attacks on my mom but didn't raise a stink. This cousin has been very kind to me personally. But then I told her and my mom that I was worried about my best friend because she seemed overwhelmed by life circumstances. Mom said it sounded like my BF needed some help around the house and with her kids, my cousin said "it's not your problem."

That rang in my ears... if you care about someone they're not a "problem" or not "your problem," you reach out to them just like how they're reached out to you to help you in the past.

I ended up pretty sickly and it turned out to be a pelvic infection. Which is my exact wording when I posted on FB after coming back from getting urgent medical treatment. I have 31 friends on FB but also don't mind opening up. Except when you message me saying "IS IT GONORRHEA?!" which is exactly what my cousin did. I just typed "uhhhhhh" and she says "the fucking asshole that didn't tell you!" Now, I'm a pretty non-judgey person and I've posted before that people can get STDs from long term partners, or even while being responsible, etc. But I've had gynecological problems for years and I was sitting there sick and tired wondering WHY the fuck my cousin would just instantly conclude that I have gonorrhea. And why/how the fuck would I have gonorrhea? (And for people as daft as my cousin: I don't have it. LOL.)

This interaction comes after she tried to hook me up with a drug addict for two months (she kept messaging me about him) and I got in it with her over that (I wrote about that on my last blog). She even admitted she didn't know he had a criminal record after the fact. She just thought the glowering, grey-skinned, toothless middle-aged grocery store stocker would be a good match for me. But, hey, maybe I shouldn't be so sensitive and defensive. I took a deep breath and told myself, "Ella, you need to calm down, she's probably not even making assumptions about your lifestyle. She's probably just gotten gonorrhea a lot from making love to methheads and was just trying to relate to you. Stop being so harsh on her."

So, I let that go even though I was starting to foam at the mouth at that point. Must. Not. Be. Petty. But, I have to think, if I shouldn't worry about my best friend since age 5 because she's "not my problem" then how is my health my cousin's problem? And if I got with a drug addict she suggested, then wouldn't he be my problem?

On Sunday my cousin messages me, attacking my mom again, which is the 2nd screenshot pictured. Again, totally random, I had just mentioned in my last blog that people thought I was fat. And I am, I write about anything. BUT HERE WE GO. HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIN, JUST FUCKING BASHING MY MOM. At that point, as you can see, I straight out called her out and I'm just fucking done. Not blocking her but I don't want to talk. She can just exist and I wish her the best but here is where I use the word "evil." And she can read this too, but it won't hurt her like it hurt me when she bashed my mom for having cancer. Just leave me alone. I don't want to hear that messenger ding unless it's someone with nice things to say or a cute guy that wants to buy me ice cream.

You can call someone ugly, attack their politics, say their dog stinks, or tell them to jump off a cliff. And you shouldn't do any of those things but I think one of the lowest blows you can do is attack someone with cancer and judge them for how they handle it. To say they should have gotten tested sooner and to completely disregard their feelings and what they're going through is unforgivable and inexcusable. And she did it twice, with me, and with my mom.

This is proof that you can't pick your family, that you shouldn't open up to everyone, and a prime example of a toxic human. An evil human.

Now, I'm done ranting and have things to do. Those things are not smoking meth, crack, or shooting heroin and I'm not going to go contract gonorrhea, I am going to work this morning. Yep, I'm that boring. Peaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace the fuckkkkkk out.