#and porsche is willing to do quite a lot actually

[oozywoozycon]

porsche

bc he’s the one most likely to accept mistreatment out of all the theerapanyakul love interests.

sure there’s the whole thing w pete and vegas lmfao but imo pete is aware of the fucked up parts of their relationship, and that is in fact a key component of his interest in it; anything healthier would simply not work for him. and also vegas is deeply aware of it.

porsche tho i mean he is consistently fucked (figuratively, here. lmao) by kinn. you’ve got their whole pre-relationship thing, then their beginning when porsche is drugged to high hell, there’s the tawan situation that’s almost made worse by the fact that kinn was faking it the whole time? it’s one thing if he was tricked by tawan but he WASNT he was just keeping porsche in the dark and yes he had his reasons!

the point isn’t that ‘oh it’s unforgivable etc etc’ bc these guys are literally in the mafia, a good normal healthy relationship is not possible and also would be no fun. who watches the mafia show for well-adjusted people and same relationships

the point is porsche does not stay angry about any of these things nearly long enough. he’ll do a little silent treatment and maybe run away but he’ll forgive so so quickly !!! and i understand it in terms of his character!!! it makes sense and it’s delicious!!!!!! but i feel that it’s a very important part of him to keep in mind bc yes he does stand up for himself occasionally but truly he is not the poster boy of enforcing boundaries and self-respect

[heyheydidjaknow]

idk what 10 year old thing you're angry abt but lowkey i would buy one of those barbie cars for toddlers and drive it to class... ts better than a porsche but anyway i do have a request ! i saw somebody post abt chrollo's icks and it got me thinking what are L's icks? obviously that he ain't never around and emotionally unavailable 💀 but what do you think?

I’ve had an idea of this in my drafts for a while (someone sent me an ask about maybe being nicer to Light and I felt bad about not evening out the score) so I’ve actually had quite a bit of time to think about it.

Being in a relationship with this man is certainly a choice. It would be hard to be in a relationship with him if you were insecure. If you had any doubt in your mind that he was unfaithful or that he was not going to come back the relationship would completely fall apart. He is unwilling to pursue anything more serious with you than what you have. You’ll never get to move into a place together or settle down and grow old together; unless his life changes dramatically it is beyond the realm of possibility. If you’re anxious or paranoid the relationship will not hold after a month of no contact. If he thinks you’d be better off with someone you happen to have talked to one time he will never contact you again and you will have no way of getting back in contact. The relationship is entirely on his terms; he can leave you whenever he likes, and if he had his way you would be financially dependent on him just so you could be reminded that you had a boyfriend. He feels the need to make sure that you’re safe at all times but is unwilling to do so much as call you so that you know he’s okay doing whatever it is he’s doing.

Talking in terms of day to day living, it’s also disheartening to be alone all the time, to save yourself constantly for this man that is practically a stranger on paper who you can’t contact and won’t see for months on end. It’s exhausting, looking out for his hints that he’s coming back or trying to piece together where he’s been or what he was doing or if he’s okay. It’s disorienting, not knowing where you stand with him, not getting why he’s so secretive or why he’s so unwilling to take any further steps with you if he likes you as much as he says he does. He’s a good boyfriend when he’s around, but how can you honestly believe he loves you and trusts you when he’s not even willing to tell you basic information about himself, even when you’re sure he knows everything about you?

It’s a challenge. It’s a lot. You’d be dealing with a lot.

[chalkrevelations]

So, here’s the thing. We know Pete is at least slightly unhinged, yes? Even before he’s giving the once-over to TortureBarbie!Vegas and giving Hia Wang that look through the bars of a cell as he stands at Vegas’s right shoulder (right-hand man, I tell you what), we see it in his expression while he’s kicking the shit out of Mes and the way he has to bring himself back to himself when Kinn calls for him, to get him to take Porsche outside.

I’m just saying, there’s a reason Pete is head bodyguard for the most vulnerable of the main family. I’m sure Korn put a lot of thought into who was going to be on Tankhun’s detail. We get to see it less with Pol, but with both Arm and Pete, we get onscreen evidence that they’re both smart - and clever, because those aren’t the same thing - they’re pretty ruthless, they’re good at their jobs (when it doesn’t involve direct surveillance, PETE), they get shit done. Plus, not only can they turn on a dime from playing along with whatever bullshit Tankhun is insisting on to stone killers, they can do all that at the same time that they’re supposed to be babysitting. For proof of concept, witness not only being Tankhun’s detail, but going along on the minor family op to cover Porsche’s back in Ep 7 - because don’t tell me that wasn’t a babysitting detail, too. Porsche is many things, and I love him a lot, but lbr, stupid babies need the most love.

ANYWAY, It wouldn’t surprise me if Pete, along with Arm and Pol, was picked precisely because he’s able to be a particularly skilled and vicious little bastard but you wouldn’t know it by looking at him because he’s generally more even-tempered and better able to hide it - unlike oh, say, Big and Ken, who need to wave their dicks around all the time. Pete (and Arm and Pol) can be depended on to give less of a shit about looking ridiculous catering to Tankhun’s whims, while at the same time being able to kill you with a pinkie finger and being willing to do it. Korn must know this, he must know - at least partially - the extent to which Pete’s not quite tightly wrapped, and he may count on that as an extra level of protection for his broken eldest. Because lbr again, I’m frankly not willing to give Korn enough credit to think he really cares about Tankhun as a person - just like any of his kids - but Tankhun does have some utility even broken, and even if he didn’t it would look extremely bad if the Theerapanyakul empire wasn’t able to protect him.

All of which is to say 1) there’s a reason Korn’s not super-surprised that Pete is willing to overlook Vegas’s ... eccentricities and may even see some of them as a draw, and it’s not just because Chan is passing on info that Pete’s compromised re: Vegas, and 2) I really want to see/read the kidnapping attempt on Tankhun that happened just slightly before the start of the series, with Pete, Arm and Pol’s response. I have to wonder if Pete, at least, is willing to send a message that doesn’t actually lag far behind Vegas’s work, once they catch one of the foot soldiers, even if he sends Arm and Pol out of the room first. Pete is demonstrably - explicitly shown in canon - to be someone to shrug off violence on another person if he feels it’s a lesson they need to learn.

(I also want to know exactly how much cannon fodder they left at the perimeter to allow themselves to actually get shit-faced drunk at Hum Bar. A LOT, I bet. Which would make Vegas’s attempt to see Pete at the bar in Ep 13 even more reckless and desperate, even with Porsche’s complicity.)

[thatgirl4815]

A Lovely Forest Swim (meta)

For starters, is it bad that I didn’t even think about the fact that they had to remove their clothes with handcuffs on? I see a lot of people questioning it and the thought didn’t even occur to me while watching...idk what that says about me.

But anyways: the forest swim scene. A.k.a., a moment of tenderness I was not expecting but was pleasantly surprised by. I think there’s surprisingly quite a bit to unpack here. 

#1 most prominent characteristic of this scene? Playfulness. That pretty much characterizes the entire episode save for a few riveting conversations (and let’s not even talk about that ending...ouch). They giggle like little kids and genuinely seem to enjoy each other’s company. Yet again, I was so surprised by Kinn here, because this is the opposite of everything we’ve seen from him so far. It just goes to show how utterly transforming the mafia business is, and just how much of himself has been sacrificed because of it. 

Kinn, ever the subtle man, suggests they hug for warmth. Why haven’t I seen anybody talk about the shoulder kisses? The definition of tender. I honestly don’t think they even realized what they were doing at this point; they were so wrapped up in each other that it didn’t matter. We’ve known since before the series aired that Kinn and Porsche have a very physical relationship, and we see that play out here. They’re on good terms as far as the playfulness/flirtation goes, but there’s still a lot of baggage to unpack. So when they naturally cave to physical touch like this, it brings my attention back to the concept of sex vs. intimacy. Sure they’re hugging “for warmth,” but their physical attraction is staggering, especially for Porsche. Porsche, who has been betrayed by Kinn on multiple occasions, leans into him so willingly here. It suggests that, while Kinn has broken Porsche’s trust, there’s still a level of unbreakable comfortability between them. The chemistry is undeniable. With the sweet guitar playing in the background, the entire scene feels appropriately woodsy and romantic. 

Kinn instigates the kiss, but Porsche is a willing (notably SOBER!) participant. It’s soft and tender, just like their first kiss on the dock. It’s them giving into the moment, leaning in to the chemistry between them. If Kinn hadn’t stopped it, I think Porsche was ready for a full on make out. It’s interesting to think about how it would’ve played out if Kinn hadn’t cut it off so soon.

For some reason, I wasn’t able to find gifs of the moment when Kinn pulls away, so I’ll just post screenshots:

What I like about moments like these are the elements of contrast. Despite the fantasy world they appear to be living in, reality still creeps in. From my perspective, Kinn is contending with guilt here. It reminds me a lot of The Scene in Ep4. We see Kinn reject Porsche in a similar way there, but not for the same reason. Here, I would argue that he pulls back out of guilt more than anything else. There is probably part of Papa Korn’s warning/lecture creeping in as well, but I see it as Kinn “catching himself” in a way he did not with drugged Porsche. He knows he made a mistake, and we know he feels awful about it, so to go on kissing Porsche before they’ve acknowledged the elephant in the room would only add to his shame (and forget the fact that Porsche is sober here and clearly wants/consents to the kiss). 

I was actually quite surprised that Porsche was willing to smooch after everything, but like the pier kiss scene, it seems like a product of the moment. The trust, comfortability, and desire between them, while threatened, is still very much alive. I do wonder if Porsche is surprised by himself at all here, but his facial expressions make it hard to tell. He frowns a bit afterwards, as if taking it all in, perhaps fully realizing what‘s going on; like Kinn, he’s coming back to reality, and he doesn’t like it. I’m going to assume that this moment plays into Kinn’s second apology at the end of the episode, as I believe it’s at least part of the reason why Porsche later tells Kinn that he had already forgiven him. He kisses Kinn despite the tension in their relationship, and he shocks himself for doing that, because it proves how much he’s already forgiven. From how I see it, there isn’t a conscious moment when Porsche forgives Kinn, but moments like these gradually reform the trust they had lost. 

On this same note, I think it’s imperative that we look at this moment from both perspectives. I’ve noticed while reading (and re-reading) this post that thus far, I’ve elected to look at the waterfall kiss almost exclusively from Kinn’s perspective since he is the one doing the pulling away. But when I think about it from Porsche’s perspective, I’m reminded that Porsche could’ve interpreted Kinn’s hesitation very differently. As the audience, we can assume that Kinn pulls back out of guilt, but Porsche doesn’t have that same vantage point, so it makes sense that this would make him question Kinn’s feelings. From that perspective, it makes more sense why he would have some reservations about clearing the slate between them later, so to speak. I do think this moment plays into one of their conversations at the end of the episode, which I detail more here.

Ok. That was a lot. But at its most basic, we gotta love a good wet smooch when we see one. 

I guess this isn’t so much a meta as it is just me rambling. But psychologically, there’s a lot to think about. The contrast between reality and fantasy is intriguing, as it could also represent the difference between the mafia life and the non-mafia life (for lack of better descriptors); it’s a distinction which will surely weigh on Kinn even more heavily after their time in the forest. Now he knows what he could have, which will make it all the more heartbreaking when it is suddenly stripped away again (as the final shootout scene indicates). In the context of KP’s relationship, I think the swimming scene represents their strong pull to each other. Their attraction persists, despite all the obstacles challenging it. 

[hael987]

Who's right? Who's wrong?

I think a lot of the discourse and differing opinions on episode 9 are stemming from the same place that Kinn and Porsche's problems are coming from too, which is: which POV you are considering the actions from.

I've mentioned this briefly before but I think it's worth a closer look. There are 4 POVs that we as an audience can consider and that's where all these differing opinions are stemming from.

Mafia Heir Kinn

He has to solve the problem whilst also maintaining his show of impartiality. He has to make the tough calls. Maybe he also has a plan. From a mafia point of view of course Porsche's bugging, following and general snooping all seem suspicious and thus, Kinn's actions are justified from this POV whereas Porsche is in the wrong.

Boyfriend Porsche

When you consider that, in a boyfriend's eyes, Kinn's just told him he doesn't trust him and has locked him up without the chance to explain then it's pretty heartbreaking. He gets no explanation and is thrust back into a world of not knowing. He was feeling insecure and instead of reassurance, he was cast aside. The feeling of betrayal and pain from this POV would really make people want to be on Porsche's side.

Boyfriend Kinn

We just spent the entirety of ep 8 seeing Boyfriend Kinn in action so it makes sense to consider this POV in ep 9 too. After seeing him open up all last episode you know he doesn't want to keep things from Porsche. Looking at it that way we can see it pains him to do so just by seeing his eyes. When you consider "Boyfriend Kinn" is in as much pain as "Boyfriend Porsche" then, of course, people want to defend him and be on his side.

Bodyguard Porsche

We know that "Bodyguard Porsche" is actually quite competent and was willing to learn and do his role properly [ep 4 training and ep 7 mission]. We also know what happened the last time Kinn went off alone - he got kidnapped and shot. So of course, why wouldn't he follow him? When you consider that Porsche might have also had bodyguard duties in mind then it's easy to justify Porsche's actions and condemn Kinn's from this POV.

Who/what is right or wrong, who/what is justified or not, it's all dependent upon the angle you're viewing it from.

The same is true for Kinn and Porsche too. They're "Mafia Heir Kinn" and "Boyfriend Porsche" in that scene.

If it was "Boyfriend Kinn", free from the constraints of mafia duties, then he'd never have locked him up and would have found another way. But he's not and he's forced to act his mafia role. If "Mafia Heir Kinn" has got a plan then he'd need Porsche to be in "Bodyguard Porsche" mode to understand that this course of action is necessary, but instead, he's faced with "Boyfriend Porsche".

If it was "Bodyguard Porsche" he'd have been able to see that his actions were suspicious at best, betrayal at worst, and known a punishment was warranted. He might not have been 100% fine with it, but he at least wouldn't have been heartbroken. But he's not, he's "Boyfriend Porsche" lost in his insecurity and he was utterly devastated by what happened, he couldn't understand things from Kinn's POV. He needed "Boyfriend Kinn" to at least give him something to hold on to, but he's faced with "Mafia Heir Kinn" and his tough decisions instead.

They're on totally different wavelengths which is why there's so much conflict. Similarly, for the audience interpretation, you'll be on totally different wavelengths depending on which POV you take your stance from.

If you support Kinn, Porsche, both, or neither it's all fine. I just find it so interesting that one can have so many different interpretations in a single scene just from considering a different character's different POV.

You really have to commend Mile and Apo's acting as well as the scriptwriters. To create and bring to life such complex and layered characters that you can show all that in just one scene. Incredible.

[volturiwolf]

Soulmates - A Demetri Volturi x Reader Imagine

A/N: This is the first imagine I finished and uploaded, and it came quite unexpectedly while talking with @volturidoll13 who suggested a Demetri Volturi one-shot where the reader would follow Bella and Alice to Italy and would accidentally say “wish he’d choke ME” out loud (see my post for reference). So, here it is. Also, I’m sorry if something doesn’t make sense. English is not my first langage. Enjoy :)

No of Words: 5749

Mentions of: Swear Language, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Dying/Death, Killings, Self-doubt, Self-consciousness, Kinky Choking, Sexual Arousal

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I think I had enough of Bella. No, I know I've had enough of her. She may be my best friend, the one who truly understood me the moment I stepped foot in Forks High School, beginning of last year, but this was just too much.

I have spent countless hours trying to support her when Edward Cullen left her, 5 months ago. I was there to be her emotional support, and even spent time with Jacob Black, an old friend of Bella's, who stayed at the Quileute reservation.

Jacob seemed kind of polite, although his attempts to flirt with Bella whenever he could were cringy, to say the least. But I supported her then too, trying to be sort of the third wheel / the one who tried to show Jacob she wasn't really interested in him that way.

His friends, Embry and Quil, were as nice and polite as they were beautiful. When Embry abandoned Jacob and Quil, Bella and I were there to support him. When Jacob abandoned Bella, I was there to support her. 

Even when Bella was sad, angry and desperate to know what happened to Jacob, I was there to calm her down. I was there when she went to see him and he turned her away. I was there when she slapped Paul in the face. I was there when he turned into a huge wolf, and I couldn't help but scream.

Jacob explained everything about the wolves to both Bella and I. He told us how it's part of their DNA; how they are meant to protect the tribe from dangerous outsiders; how the metamorphosis from human to wolf can be somehow controlled over time, with practice and persistence. THAT I could understand.

What I couldn't understand was how vampires existed in this world! It wasn't Bella the one to reveal that secret to me, rather Alice, Edward's sister. Apparently, she saw Bella dying, the day she supposedly went cliff-diving, which I told her not to, having a severe fear of heights myself.

Bella took the risk, and if it weren't for Jacob, she would most likely be dead by now. That's what Alice said she "saw" - she explained to my incapable self that, as a vampire, she had a gift, the gift of predicting the future, based on others' decisions. 

All this information was overwhelming me. I could swallow the harsh reality of wolves existing, but vampires, too? It seemed too much for me in such a short period of time.

Alice quickly explained some basics to me, like the fact that the Cullens were vegetarians, but the majority of their kind fed on human blood, as well as the fact that they even had a sort-of-government of vampires, residing in Italy, the Volturi.

She then turned to Bella to scold her about her recklessness and how she was prone to "life-threatening idiocy". I couldn't agree more with the short brunette right now. Bella has been nothing but reckless the last few weeks, and she was putting her life in danger for no reason.

They were talking about Edward or whatever, but I wasn't paying any particular attention until Jacob showed up. I decided to give them some space to talk, and Alice followed behind me, stepping out of the house.

Her face was a mix of disgust and worry, not paying any particular attention to me, probably trying to hear Bella and Jacob's conversation from the kitchen. After a minute or two, I heard her taking a sharp breath, her eyes fixating on nothing in particular; they were just staring ahead of her.

She took a sharp breath, as she regained consciousness, stepping quickly into the house. She walked in quite wide and quick strides, considering her miniature figure, and, though taller than her, I had some trouble following behind her.

She ran directly to the kitchen. "Bella. Bella, it's Edward. He thinks you're dead. Rosalie told him why I came here."

They both looked at Jacob; Bella practically screaming to his face, accusing him of not giving her the telephone to speak with Edward herself.

"Bella, he's going to the Volturi. He wants to die, too." The small brunette continued.

Within a minute, Bella made her decision: she was going to Italy to save her ex-lover. She promised us that she would just make sure he lived, and then, she would go back to her "boring" life.

Alice ran outside, starting her car immediately, as Bella was followed closely by Jacob, who tried to convince her not to go, pleading with her, all in vain. Bella was as stubborn as she could get, and nobody could change her mind. 

I turned to Jacob, without really thinking about my next words. "Don't worry. I'll go with her. I'll make sure she's back safe, okay?"

All Jacob could do is nod at me, though his face was full of concern, frustration, and he was clearly distraught by Bella's decision to leave him and save Edward. As if all this time she, Jacob and, sometimes, I spent time together meant nothing to her.

I jumped in the back seat of the car, not waiting for either Bella's, or Alice's approval. I knew it would be a huge risk for me to go to the vampires' lair, but I also knew that Bella could use all the emotional support she could get. 

As much as I hated Edward for what he did and said to her, I knew that he was everything to her, like her own little haven. Her own little oasis, which I guess felt more like a tundra, compared to Jacob's flaming hot desert. I rolled my eyes at my embarrassing thoughts, but I assumed that's how she thought of them.

The drive to the airport felt like a ton of weight crushing my shoulders. I had no place to follow them to Italy, as it was truly none of my business. But I promised Jacob, and though Bella could make me so frustrated with her lack of self-confidence and self-respect, I liked her company a lot, and I needed to make sure she was alive and safe.

In the couple of months that she came out of her apathetic state, we reconnected again, reminiscing about our unorthodox friendship, both of us being new to the town, shy and not particularly sociable.

However, Bella was the ideal friend to keep you grounded and connected with reality, which I, sometimes, had trouble with; my mind was running wild and free most of the time, while my mouth was staying shut. 

So, I was willing to go across the ocean for her, to an unknown place, in a castle full of bloodsucking vampires. I wasn't pleased, but I was willing. Willing to help her save her stupid ex-boyfriend, and hopefully not get killed in the process.

During the flights, Alice tried, more or less, to explain the dynamics of the vampire world; the Volturi, being this sort of government-slash-royalty of the vampire kind, were tasked with imposing their laws over the other vampires. Their most important law? Don't expose your existence to humans, unless you want to die. Well, there goes that! 

Alice had already talked to me about their kind; Bella knew through her association with both Edward and the rest of the Cullen family. The chances of any of us making out of there alive seemed slim to none. I was literally flying towards my death. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. 

I was trying to calm down my nerves, which did not work at all, when all I could think about were those Italian vampires. Alice told me that the vampire Kings, especially Aro, who seemed to be their leader, were interested in collecting talented vampires. 

So, it was pretty obvious that he would, most likely, get rid of Bella and myself, and would gladly keep Alice and Edward, who, as Alice told me, has the gift of reading people’s minds. So, we were actually doing that Aro guy a favor there; bring him the “talents” and get rid of the “intruders”, the humans. Great. Just, great.

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We were currently on our way to Volterra. Alice had stolen a yellow Porsche from the airport’s parking lot, which neither Bella, nor I opposed to, for now. It was a fast way to get to Volterra, plus I’ve never actually been in a Porsche, and I felt pretty amazing. Alice seemed like a skillful driver, and drove pretty fast, which I liked, especially if I was the one driving. Bella and Alice’s conversation interrupted my thoughts.

“What? What do you see?”

“They refused him.” That was good, right?

“So..?” Bella knew there was something else behind Alice’s vision.

“He’s gonna make a scene. Show himself to the humans.” Why the hell, Edward?!

“No! When?”

“He’s gonna wait until noon, when the sun’s at its highest.” Bella seemed more and more worried and anxious, and I heard her heavy breath, which seemed like she was starting to go on panic mode. I stroked her shoulders lightly, trying to calm her down. As much as she deserved to get worried, given the events that led us here, this was not the time to panic.

“There’s Volterra.” Alice pointed to her left, at a beautiful, picturesque town that looked as if it had jumped out of the Renaissance era. The scenery of Tuscany was beautiful, and it had always been part of my bucket list to travel across Tuscany in a small rental car. That was not how I pictured that trip, or how I pictured my last day on Earth.

Alice was running through the city’s narrow streets by now, never stopping to honk at people passing by, who moved left and right, trying to avoid the “crazy driver who decided it was a good idea to drive a sports car through such a city’s small, narrow, occupied streets”; at least, that’s how I saw it.

Alice did not back down, and continued driving skillfully through the city’s small arteries. It was odd though, the fact that everyone around us was wearing red capes, red clothes, everything was red. Bella questioned it out loud and Alice informed us that today was the celebration of Saint Marcus’ Day, the day that the Saint expelled all vampires from the town. The irony.

Bella was experiencing a full on panic attack, as we were only 5 minutes away from Edward’s shenanigans. Theoretically, everything was in order, until the moment we were stopped by the local police who refused to let us go any farther. Bella opened her door. She would go on foot, to find Edward before he exposed himself. Alice would park the car somewhere outside of the town’s walls, and we’d then go and find them.

I turned around my seat, to watch Bella running through the streets, to the plaza where the clock tower, which Edward was going to expose himself from, was located. Alice left the car outside of the walls, but still, close enough to have easy access. 

For me, it was quite easy to walk around now, as my skin was not sparkling like Alice’s was. Alice had to wrap herself around a coat, a long, thick scarf and gloves, and wear sunglasses to protect her identity even more. I was walking in the middle of the streets, watching around carefully, as good as my human eyes could see, trying to help Alice go unnoticed, as she pushed herself more towards the buildings’ walls, trying to avoid the sunlight. 

That went on for a while, until we were close enough to the clock tower, where Alice took my hand on hers and, with long strides, walked towards the main entrance, which was, thankfully, shaded enough for her to walk through. 

She must have heard the conversation inside the building, as the moment we stepped in - Alice breaking the lock that kept the door momentarily closed, she started talking to the others, who I mistook as being Bella and Edward. As another sign of my unluckiness in life, she was actually addressing two other vampires, a tall brunette and a shorter blond.

They both looked gorgeous, but they could probably kill me as easily as it was for me to blink. I instantly became stiff, and Alice must have felt it, but she kept on holding my hand, trying to play it cool in front of the others, while trying to get rid of her disguise with her free hand at the same time.

“Come on, guys. It’s a festival. You wouldn’t want to make a scene.” She tried to play it nice and cool, though I knew she was just as worried being here as the rest of us.

“We wouldn’t.” The brunette vampire responded, now looking at me, who, by now, I have lost all my confidence in coming to Italy to help Bella.

I caught the blond vampire looking me up and down my body, and felt rather self-conscious. I didn’t have the best relationship with my own body and my own self; I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, most of the time. So, I made up for what I lacked in self-confidence with sarcasm, bad humor, honesty and snarky remarks. I would be really going off of him right now, if I wasn’t shaking.

Though beautiful, the blond vampire also scared me, just as much as his brunette partner. I stared back at him, looking at his confident stance, one hand behind his back, and a smirk across his face. 

When my (Y/E/C) eyes met with his red ones, I started shivering even more, holding on Alice tighter than before. I felt my heart beating faster, my breath became both sharper and deeper, and I felt as if I would cry, right then and there, in front of everyone. I saw the blond becoming a bit stiff, his jaw clenching, swallowing deeply, but he still wouldn’t take his eyes off of me.

Alice and Edward exchanged some looks, as if they knew what was happening, but chose to not tell anyone else. The scene in front of me was interrupted by the clicks of heeled shoes, and a blonde girl came into our view. 

“Enough.” Her voice was stern, and her stance was stoic as she came closer to us.

“Jane.” Edward recognised her and lowered his head towards the ground. He didn’t seem scared before, when it was just the two vampires in front of us, but the small woman now seemed to have him terrified.

“Aro sent me to see what was taking so long.” She looked between the two vampires of her coven, as if she was criticizing them for their incompetence to bring us all before Aro. Then, she turned to us, looking us straight in our eyes, or rather our souls, probably to warn and scare us at the same time, before walking back to where she came from. 

Alice turned towards Bella and I, the only humans there, who clearly looked more terrified than she and Edward did. “Just do as she says.” She simply said and we followed behind the girl, with the other two vampires closely behind us. 

The blond one was so close to me, I could feel the coldness radiating off his body, making me shiver. The brunette gave Edward the red robe I didn’t notice he was holding before, probably to cover himself in front of the Kings. The blonde girl moved between Bella and Edward, and Alice and I. Edward was trying to comfort Bella but I couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying, my mind making all shorts of scenarios about how the vampires would kill me and the others. The more I thought about it, the more I was shriveling on Alice’s side. 

We reached an elevator - I never thought vampires used elevators, but maybe it was for the humans around? The brunette and the blond entered first, as the blond turned around to stare at us, turning his gaze at me afterwards, before fully stepping in. Then, it was time for Edward and Bella to get in, followed by Alice and I. The blonde girl stepped in last, before the elevator’s doors closed shut.

The elevator music, an operetta, was supposed to calm peoples’ nerves. Yet, in this tight box, it had the opposite effect. Surrounded by vampires, vegetarian and non, the music was just creeping me out. 

The fact that the blond vampire was merely two inches away from me was making my knees weak and my heart pounding, though I, myself, didn’t even know if my own body was reacting out of fear or attraction towards the blond vampire. I felt him leaning closer to me and barely heard him sniff around, but I clearly saw Alice turning her head around and giving him death stares, to which he retrieved back to his original position.

The elevator stopped and we all stepped out. We walked past a receptionist’s desk, the woman standing up, smiling and wishing us a good afternoon - based on the few Italian that I knew. From what Bella and Edward said, the receptionist was a human, wishing to become a vampire, like the others.

“And so she will be.” Demetri smirked, looking at me, who I still haven't abandoned Alice’s hand.

“Or dessert.” Jane interrupted, and I felt myself losing consciousness for a split second, before I felt the blond vampire grabbing my arm to stabilize me. His hand was cold and his grip tight on me, not leaving me even after I looked at him with wide eyes. He just smiled and continued walking ahead.

Jane opened the doors in front of her, leading us to a massive room, made out of marble, and decorated with Roman columns and scriptures on the walls. Surprisingly, it was well-lit and bright, compared to the dark halls that we passed through just a minute ago.

“Sister. Send you out to get one and you bring back two. And two halves. Such a clever girl.” A brunette boy, a bit taller than Jane, called towards her, as she walked by his side.

The blond vampire let me go and walk farther into the room, still holding Alice’s hand like I was holding on her for dear life. The blond vampire now stood a few feet behind us, next to the tall brunette one.

A black-haired vampire, who seemed a bit too excited, started walking towards us. “What a happy surprise! Bella is alive after all. Isn’t that wonderful. I love a happy ending. They are so rare.” He was talking with fake happiness in his face, as if he was reading from a script, grabbing Edward’s hand in the process.

“La tua cantante.” Your singer. The vampire seemed to know how much Edward craved Bella’s blood, and questioned how Edward could do so easily. 

“Aro can read every thought I’ve ever had with one touch.” Well, that explained a lot. And now I placed who Aro was within the Volturi.

I now learned more about Edward’s gift, which was more similar to Aro’s than anyone else’s, but he couldn’t actually read Bella’s thoughts. Aro requested if he could test his own gift on Bella, probably hoping that he could read her thoughts and brag about it. But when Bella offered her hand, which he took too willingly, his face was unreadable and then, disappointed and angry, not being able to read her either.

Then, he turned towards me, still by Alice’s side. His red eyes were cold and hostile, and his face uninviting. I felt small and vulnerable, exposed, in front of his critical gaze.

“Dear (Y/N), excuse me for the waiting. Edward has presented me a very..intriguing image of you. Could you offer me your hand? I would like to get to know you, as well.”

My lips were trembling, not being able to say a word, and my eyes were glistening. Please, don’t cry. Please, don’t cry. I knew that whatever Edward had shown him I couldn’t avoid. So, I took a step forward, leaving Alice’s hand and extending the other one towards Aro. I felt a breeze behind me, as Demetri came to stand on my right side, looking closely between Aro and I.

The mind reader took my hand between his hands, and I felt my thoughts being examined and tossed around my head, like a small whisper trying to cast a spell on me. The vampire looked at me, deep in the eyes, and his face was filled with fascination for whatever he saw inside my head.

“Fascinating, indeed, dear. Your mind is just filled with thoughts and images, though they are not very distinct. You are not an easy book to read. I still haven’t figured out who you really are. Although…”. He looked at the vampire standing beside me, motioning for him to give him his hand.

The blond obeyed his master. Did he have any other choice? Probably not. Aro took the blond’s hand, and his wicked, sick smile came back.

“Oh, this suddenly became even better than I would have expected.” He turned towards the vampire sitting on the throne, looking sad. Marcus? The vampire in question nodded, and Aro turned around in an almost theatrical move, with open arms, for everyone to see. 

“It seems that our dear Demetri has finally found his mate in (Y/N). I’m so happy for the two of you!” His face was smiling, but his voice sounded as fake as ever. 

I didn’t know what “mates” meant. Alice didn’t have enough time to explain every “vampire term” to me, so I was clueless regarding this part. The blond, who I now knew as Demetri, must have seen the confusion in my face, as he leaned slightly towards me and whispered “Soulmates” in my ear. My eyes widened and he giggled lightly.

Whether it was how close he came near me, or his giggle, or the fact that we were “soulmates”, my heart responded immediately, thumbing faster in my chest, and I felt my cheeks burn - I was clearly blushing in front of everyone, as if I couldn’t be any more awkward than I was before.

Aro interrupted my embarrassment, as he turned once again towards Bella, wanting to test if she was immune to the others’ gifts as well. He turned towards the blonde girl, Jane, asking her basically to show off her own gift. Edward ran forward to stop whatever it was going to happen, only to end up in pain, writhing in an inaudible pain, as Bella was practically screaming to stop.

I honestly didn’t mind Edward suffering, even if it was for a few seconds, considering that Bella had it worse for over 5 months. He finally dropped to the floor, as Alice ran to his side, and the blonde girl’s brother ran to grab Bella, to stop her from going by her lover’s side.

I had no idea what was happening. I was just looking around, shocked and scared, as all these unfamiliar things were taking place in front of my untrained eyes. I felt a hand stroking my arm up and down. I turned around to see Demetri smiling slightly at me, trying to calm me down. I sighed a bit and felt my heart slightly at ease.

That was until the Kings decided that Bella was a liability - I wasn’t? - and Aro called out for Felix. I turned around and saw the tall brunette smiling evilly, while the shorter brunette turned Bella around and left her there, exposed, in front of the giant. Edward seemed to know what it would be happening, as he immediately stood up and ran by Bella’s side to protect her.

He immediately ran forward, attacking the tall brunette, and knocking him down. Alice ran towards Edward to help him out, but she was immediately stopped by Demetri, who I didn’t notice had left my side, grabbing her by her neck and immobilizing her, dragging her away from ever reaching her brother. 

“Alec!” Demetri shouted towards the brunette boy, who had just left Bella at Felix’s mercy, pointing towards me with his eyes. The boy, Alec, came by my side, and practically dragged me farther from the scene that took place in front of me. His grip was a bit too much as he squeezed my arm, making me slightly cry in pain. Demetri growled at him, and Alec’s grip loosened significantly, but he still kept his hand on my arm.

Felix was pissed by now, as he immediately started fighting Edward, pushing and slamming him around the room. However, I couldn’t focus my gaze on them; not because they were fast, but because I was focused on watching Demetri, and how he was still holding on Alice’s neck tightly, never letting her go.

Watching Demetri’s hand around Alice’s neck should have made me feel appalled and sorry for the small brunette girl, but it didn’t. On the contrary, I felt rather aroused, watching his strong hand wrapped around the brunette’s neck. 

Honestly, I felt a wave of jealousy and annoyance hitting me. That should have been me! Only I was worthy to be touched by this sort of demon who masked his true identity with the facade of an angel. It should be me! I couldn’t help myself, my jealousy building up inside me. 

“Wish he’d choke ME!” I told myself, getting more frustrated by the minute.

“Patience, cara mia. All in due time.” Demetri smirked at me. I did not realise I said that out loud, until Alec started snorting beside me, clearly laughing cheekily, and Felix started bursting in laughter, his grip tight on Edward’s jaw by now.

I had embarrassed myself in a room full of vampires once again, the majority of them being part of the Volturi coven. If the Earth opened in half and swallowed me, I would pretty much welcome it at that point.

Bella brought me back to reality, as she was practically screaming, begging the vampires to let go of Edward, as she looked clearly distraught and upset. She even offered herself instead of Edward! Why, Bella? Just why? I have understood by now that they were mates and they’d do anything for each other, but she would sacrifice her own life for Edward?! That didn’t make sense to me.

Aro seemed to agree with me, but he thought more of the “soulless monster” perspective, while I thought more of Edward’s character, and how much his absence had scarred Bella. Alice told me, on our way here, that he thought he was doing everything to keep her away just to protect her, that being close to him put her in danger. But, from my own experience with Bella, she was suffering more away from him than he thought she would.

Aro looked disappointed between Edward and Bella, wishing he would give her immortality, which he did not seem willing to do. Aro moved menacingly towards the terrified girl, prepared to end her life. I fell forwards, attempting to reach her, to move in between them, but Alec’s grip tightened, keeping me back, both of his hands on my arms now. Aro was basically licking his lips, when, suddenly, Alice stopped him. 

The small brunette confirmed that Bella would become a vampire like them, and that she would even be the one to change her, as she saw in her vision. Aro called her forward, and Demetri let her walk towards his Master. 

He then moved towards Alec and I, replacing the brunette boy, but, instead of grabbing my arms like Alec did, he embraced me tightly, not letting me move away from my position. His cold embrace sent shivers down my spine, but, surprisingly, I let myself relax in his arms, feeling safe, and like that was where I belonged. I felt him smiling and relaxing, as well.

Aro seemed pleased with whatever Alice had shown him, and intrigued by her own gift of predicting the future. Alice had told me that her gift was subjected to the decisions people made, and the future could just change at any point. However, if Aro believed that her vision would eventually come true, we had no reason to tell him otherwise. 

Aro turned to Bella. “Your gifts will make for an intriguing immortal.” He whispered as he touched her face, Bella clearly feeling uncomfortable under his touch. I would, too - Aro seemed creepy in his own way, his behavior and movements just as unpredictable.

He then told us to leave, and prepare for Bella’s transformation, and Felix let go of Edward. Marcus told everyone that a woman named Heidi would be coming soon and thanked us “for the visit”, as Aro said his goodbyes. Demetri walked towards the exit, me still in his arms. Edward grabbed Bella by her hand and Alice followed them behind.

As we were walking through the corridor, a beautiful woman walked past us, many people - they looked like tourists - following behind her. She had long, wavy brown hair and purple eyes, which could only mean that she was most likely wearing blue contacts over her red eyes. Her aura was full of confidence and power; she knew what she was doing and she took her job seriously.

“Nice fishing, Heidi.” I heard Demetri addressing the woman from behind me. So, that was the Heidi Marcus was referring to. Wait.. Nice..what?

“Yes, they do look rather juicy.” The beautiful woman replied, eyeing between Bella and I, as she continued leading the tourists down the hallway.

Demetri must have seen her reaction, as he brought me closer to him. I was in shock, and started trembling more than before. These people, these poor people would be the vampires’ snacks in a few seconds. Like Bella and I could have been just minutes ago. I tried to not think about it, but the screams that echoed through the hall would probably haunt me for the rest of my life.

Demetri opened another door as we approached the end of the corridor, and we found ourselves back in the reception area. The Italian woman greeted us once again, but I didn’t listen to what she said, still in shock, just waiting to leave this horrible place as soon as I could.

“Just wait here. You will be able to leave in a few hours, when it’s dark outside.” Demetri instructed Edward and Alice, and took his arms away from my body, turning to look at me. “Wait here, cara mia. I’ll be back soon.” I nodded, not being able to say a word.

Demetri turned and ran towards the throne room. I knew he left to feed, and I just couldn’t bear the thought of him killing innocent humans. I couldn’t keep myself from crying, as I started trembling and losing balance. 

Alice came by my side, trying to stabilize and calm me down, while Edward tried calming down a hyperventilating Bella. We were both losing our sanity, not being able to keep up with the Volturi’s lifestyle, as it seemed. I was craving Demetri’s touch but, at the same time, I couldn’t stop the human in me, the logic, the sense that said that I should stay away from the vampires who killed people. 

I heard Alice and Edward talking with the receptionist, but I couldn’t make out exactly what they were talking about. Alice, slowly and carefully, with her hands still on my arms, led me to a nearby bench, as the receptionist walked away. I was rocking back and forth, trying to calm down, realizing that we are still alive. I saw the receptionist coming towards us, offering a glass of water to both Bella and I.

“Grazie mille.” I thanked her, my voice barely audible.

“Prego.” She smiled at me, and walked back towards her desk.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I didn’t realise how much time passed, until I heard footsteps coming towards us. I was way more calm by now. Lifting my head towards the direction of the footsteps, I saw Demetri and Felix. I shyly smiled at Demetri, and he smiled back, with a smile wider than mine, a smile that warmed my heart.

“Hello, again, amore mio.” I felt as if my heart stopped for a split second upon hearing the words he used to address me. I would still be weak to my knees, if I didn't already sit down.

Felix was the one to inform us that we were allowed to go now, being way past nighttime. I stood up, and attempted to walk forward, towards Bella and the two Cullen siblings. I intended to leave with them, but I was stopped by Demetri’s hand on my wrist.

“Where are you going, cara?” He looked at me, knowing why I was attempting to walk away.

“I.. I thought we’d.. be leaving? That I’d be leaving? With the others?” At least, I was hoping I would be leaving with them. 

“I’m sorry, amore. I can’t let you go, not now that I found you. You’ll be staying here, with me.” Demetri sounded so natural and serious, and I could only stare at him, my mouth agape.

“But.. I thought it was okay for me to leave. I have a life behind, you know. I have a school to finish, I have my family, I have things to do.” I still looked at him dumbfounded, waiting for him to allow me to go, just for now, just for a few months at least.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). But I cannot risk anything happening to you. I will make sure you are safe and protected here. We will arrange everything with your school and your family, and whatever else is needed. Please, stay.” Demetri’s eyes were pleading, and a shiver passed through my body, just by looking at him and hearing him talk.

It took me a few minutes to respond; nobody said a word all this time. “Okay.” I said faintly. “I will stay.. here.. with you.”

Demetri’s face lit up, and he leaned closer to me, wrapping his arms around me. He was careful to not hurt me, and I knew, at the moment, with my heart full of love and affection for that man, that that was where I was supposed to be. With Demetri. For as long as it lasted.  

[myezblog]

Comparing Porsche and Pete’s choices - ep 6 Vs 12 - are they truly comparable?

So, quite a lot of posts on Pete and Porsche and that Porsche’s decision in ep 6 is more “rational”. I beg to differ.

Porsche

Life that was -> Porsche HAD a safe life. Usual debt troubles. He was attending college, was star underground fighter, potentially got into college on scholarship (given money is a problem and he knows martial arts and is one of the best fighters), had a brother and a lovely home. Had a job at a bar, got along really well with the owner who is willing to help him out whenever, and his s3xual life was soaring high. Had 2 closest friends that he could chill with.

IT WAS A FREE LIFE

Feelings that were -> I do not hold the view that in ep 6, Porsche was madly deeply in love with Kinn or that he was “lusting” after Kinn. He had actually made out by that time, that too initiated by Kinn. He already had experience Kinn, while being pursued by Kinn. Not just that, in ep 6 itself, in the stream, Kinn again was the first one to make the move to kiss him. Kinn was the one to not open the handcuff and force proximity. However, ep 6 Porsche started developing his genuine (read not confused) crush on Kinn.

There is someone back home -> he has Porchay, who is his responsibility. Allow me to say that intensity and consequences of a Parent’s duty towards raising a child is way more than a child’s duty towards taking care of parents. The needs and the dire consequences are different. Porsche is taking care of a child. He can’t call that child, he can’t ask after his day/health/emotions.. nothing... he has to leave that child to fend for himself.... a child’s responsibility SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST .. OVER ABANDONING HIM AND walking into the sunset

Pete

We don’t know the age in the show. In the book, Pete is younger than Porsche. Build and Apo are exact same age.

Now, what safe life did Pete choose to leave for Vegas?

Life that was ->

We have been told repeatedly, there is no way out of this mafia business. You die and leave. Korn called it out in ep 12, Kinn told Porsche in ep 6 that he will tell others Porsche died , it has been hinted in previous episodes.

There is no safe life waiting for Pete, comparatively.

It is not a free life. It is a life of murder, gunwars, illegal trades, ruining families, no contact with the outer world, no friends, no family, no love.. it is a family of a servant. 

Feelings that were ->

Pete may or may not have considered Vegas good looking.. BUT Pete was definitely not in love.. and neither did he have a crush. He was uncomfortable with Vegas...His view of Vegas was a man who is always polite, in best of the manners, heir of minor family, a family that is all about love.. From Pete’s perspective Vegas had all going for him.. 

But post captivity.. all of it went topsy turvy...

Most importantly, we don’t know the origins, but Pete is true to what he is feeling (if that means giving your boss unsolicited love advice, aka ep 5, that may be it).. 

Pete is not staying back because Vegas is sad or hurt. Pete is staying back because it is not in his nature to leave a grieving hurt person alone. Pete is not sympathizing because Vegas is being abused, Pete is sympathizing and tries to lighten up the mood with his self talk and mundane stuff.. because Pete wants to be the person who spreads smiles. This really isn’t about Vegas, it is about Pete.. Pete’s compass of life and what he believes he stands for

He is not in love with Vegas. And, i don’t think Vegas is in love with Pete either, YET.

There is someone waiting back home -> Except, there isn’t

Granny was always there. pete’s life is in danger every moment in his line of work. Also, like i said.. parents responsibility towards a child is very different from a child’s towards parents.

***********************************************************

Why characters are failing...

These precise things that characters stand for have been subverted for no apparent logical reasoning except “I am too hot for the other person”

Where is Porsche as a guardian at the moment (since post ep 8 really)? Ans: Utter failure... AND THIS IS NOT PORSCHE’s CHARACTERIZATION..

If Porschay did not get kidnapped, how long would this charade have lasted? Of being at mafia house, enjoying life, and not knowing what’s happening with Porschay ( even if Kinn allows him to call Porschay in secret everyday)

Pete, relatively is consistent... thanks to him being a minor character

*****************************************************

What about the partners?

Kinn

He was already in love with Porsche. But, he has been hurt by love before and is not able to 100% trust Porsche. But, he so badly craves this companionship. The chance he got, he took it. He was emotionally liberated, happy.. ecstatic really.. he spent time talking and talking to his crush, knowing more about him.. it was a honeymoon period.

By the end, he saw that Porsche is willing to sacrifice himself for Kinn. And, for a man so deep in love (because that knife was not going to cut anything or anyone).. and his yearning to be able to trust Porsche really catapulted that moment into ..”this man will sacrifice himself for me.. if i were in love before, now i am 100x more in love”..

And, in that emotional high.. he asks Porsche to leave. Because, he knows that the man he loves is not in love with him. handing back the happiness to the man he loves.

Vegas

Vegas is not in love with Pete. Vegas has also been successful in wooing whoever he has wanted (partial success with Porsche given Porsche trusts Vegas’ behavior towards himself more than Kinn’s , the apparent boyfriend’s warnings with regards to Vegas)

If Kinn’s trauma is not finding someone who truly loves him, Vegas’ trauma is finding his worth in his dad’s eyes and being loved as a son. Kinn does not know the struggle of not having family and friends to talk to (dads/ trusted daddy bodyguards/brothers who definitely support/friends of same standing who understand him well)..

Vegas has never known family or friend love. He does not have a brother he can speak to, no friends, no family, no mother, no trusted advisors, no one to show or guide the right path, no one to help him develop his “strategic thinking”, no one to guide him how this business works.. there are tasks given, and he is left to his own agencies to deliver it.. SINCE FOREVER

Vegas is not craving romantic love. He is not even actively looking for anything because he has resigned to his dark depressive world. BUT, It is life that has forced upon this ray of sunshine on him. This “companionship” has come out of nowhere.. and is not what it seemed like before..

For the first time, Vegas is talking. In a place with no one around, his daily chores have obviously changed from walking into Pete’s room when angry to waking up, getting dressed up and walking into his room.. staying there.. all day long.. in his pyjamas.. his days have changed to just hanging out in this room with this guy..

( those high school  dramas where you get locked in with that guy/girl you did not like.. but with nothing else to do you start talking.. and realize you are connecting and your feelings are changing)

So, when Vegas is letting Pete go.. he is handing back life, safety to Pete.. he does not want Pete to die on him

****************************

In summary, NOT SAME.. VERY DIFFERENT MOTIVATIONS.. and all four characters are justified and absolutely right in their approach.. NO ONE IS BEING MORE RATIONAL here

Two are driven by fear

Two are driven by what they think they stand for and their motto in life

[warandpussy]

Okay, okay... Below the clavicle was soo interesting! I am looking forward to comments on this fic because I need meta on Porsche's and Kinn's thoughts and I have many feelings about things, but I am unlikely to be able to write them. Hopefully someone better with words will write them.

What I can tell though is that I loved that you included the fact that Porsche thought Kinn give him permission to drink the water. It’s one of the most hurtful things about Ep5 for me actually; that Porsche asked for permission to drink and thought Kinn okayed it but then Kinn said ‘I’am the one giving you the punishment’ and it made the punishment doubly unfair in Porsche’s eyes. And while reading your fic when Porsche says ‘You drugged me’ I thought he was talking about this time and he was just confused. But then saying Vegas may have been the one wearing white, but Kinn told him to drink!!! He was talking about the first time he was drugged?!

Then Kinn saying are you punishing me…!!

I loved it, thank you for sharing it. <3

hi anonnnn sorry it took me like 7 years to reply to this... i saw it when you sent it and i was like, i need to answer that but then i fell asleep and in the morning i didn't remember. (my brain is broken).

anyway.. i think the the thing that appeals to me about k/p as a ship and kp the show is that these people really do hurt each other quite a lot, don't they? like it's a steady push and pull of hurting each other and then forgiving each other. like obviously at the beginning we have kinn strangling porsche as punishment, and then fucking him when he's drugged, and then punishing him for allowing himself to be drugged. but porsche hurts kinn as well i think, more and more towards the end of the show. he leaves him for vegas in episode 13 and pretty explicity says it's because he doesn't trust him/his family.

anyway i find this sort of thing very compelling personally, because i just think it's very realistic. i think in real life relationships (not just romantic) people very much do hurt each other all the time, and fiction that's willing to thread that line of like, what is forgiveable and what isn't? it is like catnip to me. i find it so potent.

putting the rest of this under a cut because oh my god i cannot shut up

soooo in this fic i wanted to explore this a bit. like, other people with huge brains pointed out in various metas that, from porsche's perspective, it seemed like kinn was the one who drugged the water at the diamond auction. he nods at him and smiles at him just after the waiter passes it to him. and then later goes up to the hotel room and fucks him. and i reckon if that was it, if that was what had happened, porsche could have probably rationalised it - but he got punished for drinking the water the next day, for being 'careless', and it's like - but you told me to do that! you did that, that was you. i think that would be the most hurtful thing. and the 'figure in white speaking english at him while groping him' would be a confusing factor, but everything else fits into the narrative of 'kinn did it', and he seems to acknowledge it in the woods, so that's it end of story. porsche forgives him, and they can move on.

so then he finds the drugs in vegas's rooms and the narrative changes, and like genuinely i think that would feel so violating. because if it was kinn, the guy he loves, hurting him - that's already been forgiven. but instead he was sexually assaulted by someone else entirely - someone he knows, and even likes (I think anyway). and that feeling of violation is SO terrible, especially when it happened a long time ago and you can't even do anything about it anymore. like the context of all of it has changed - vegas is already taken down, already vanquished. he's already had all his power and his influence taken away from him. so all porsche can do is feel miserable about it.

and i said this in a reply to someone's comment but here i go again - sometimes i think when you're miserable you become like, selfish? (i hope that's not just a me thing). but like, all you can think about is how miserable you are, and how much you wish you didn’t feel like that any more. so he’s gone like, if I can erase the past from my mind with this new experience, if I do it to myself, I won’t be miserable anymore - without thinking about whether this would hurt kinn instead (oh boy).

someone left a comment that sums it up better than i could:

For a very weird reason i get what Porsche is doing and why:He is reclaiming his pain, his control, his memory. Replacing the bad thing that wont go away-being drugged then being felt up against his will, being helpless then Kinn taking him-also kind of losing the control he should have kept in this situation- then Porsches moment of realising all that the next morning. And what he does is being in control this time around by handing it over on his own conditions. The drugs taken willingly knowing what they would make him feel like. Being fucked because he wanted it, by someone he loves to be helpless for. The memory later being maybe the similarly fuzzy but the feeling after one of choice and trust(?).

and like... yeah... taking back control by choosing how and when to make yourself helpless. but hurting kinn in the process.

love u babygirl you're doing GREAT ♥♥♥♥♥♥

[halloowqueen]

Steff didn't even open his mouth to say anything at first, because he didn't know what it was he would even say, or attempt to. There had been cases in the past, though few and far between, where he had found himself at the end of someone's fist, but it never had before been a girl. He liked to pride himself on the fact that she would be smacked right back, if anyone of the opposite gender did go swinging for him, but he stilled and contemplated that for a moment. She was dainty, fragile and had tears in her eyes.

The male figured it best to just not even offer any verbal backlash either, but turning a little to walk away from the situation, he found her stepping right in front of him with a look on her face indicating she wasn't done yet. He bristled a little because he couldn't entertain scenarios like this and actually withstand it for long; he wasn't aggressive, in spite of his ability to cause such an emotion in the people around him.

“ —you apologise right now, ” Penny keps her gaze on him, eyes filled with fury as she had witnessed his complete lack of disrespect for the seemingly timid girl who walked down the street alongside where they stood some moments before.

“ I don't know if you noticed, but she's gone, ” he scoffed his response, agitated that it was being prolonged to such a degree and for no good reason given the other girl had since scurried off away from where they were hanging out outside Wendy's. They both had shakes and burgers, yet Steff seemed to make a comment on the girl's weight and her own bag of food, remarking that is was too large a portion.

“ She's right over there in the parking lot, Steff, go apologise, ” she wasn't going to let him get away with it that easy, especially as that was a very poor excuse to get out of it and he had probably never once in his life apologised to anyone for anything. She was very familiar with his bullshit attitude and how he thought he was holier than thou. It enraged her and she never once turned a blind eye to those suffering.

Steff might have befriended her over recent months as she was new to the school and she might appreciate the similarities between them, but that certainly wasn't one of them. Her blood was boiling the longer he stood there acting like nothing was wrong, no matter the look in her eyes telling him he was a piece of shit.

“ You go over there right now and tell her you're sorry and mean it, ” Penny is furious with his childlike behaviour and makes it very known, as she steps forward again and notices how he stumbles back ever so slightly. He probably thinks she's going to have another strike at him, but she isn't; she can't believe she did it the first time, but after too many failed attempts at watching the guy treat people like shit, she's done.

“ I'm not apologising for what's true, alright? She shouldn't have bought such a portion if she didn't want at least one of us to say something about it. Go home to your daddy, Penny, I'm done hanging with you for today, ” Steff grimaces in her direction and turns away from her then, wiping his cut lip against his thumb and grunting his displeasure of the way that's going to impact his overall look, at least for a few days.

Her eyes soon fill with tears at the corners and she blinks them away, inhaling deeply to try and smooth over the situation before she, herself, walks over to the other girl and offers a very gentle, apologetic smile. Eyes are still glazed over slightly with upset that her friend had caused, but she does her best to offer the girl kind words and even a friendly gesture of a hug to make up for the unbeliavable insult.

After a few words more and a clasp of the affected girls hand, she smiles and lets her know he won't be bothering her again. They all seemed to go to the same school, but Penny would be ever-watchful of who Steff interacted with in such a vile manner from now on because she was so hurt for the poor girl, so much so she even felt the sting of his words herself and that had sent her into such a volatile spin of emotions, hence the reason she had lashed out and actually punched him in the face.

“ You're a dick, ” she mutters in his direction as she passes him along the street as he had walked a fair distance from Wendy's by now, but in her hurry to get back home so the sky doesn't darken prior to her arrival, she walks at a fast enough pace to pass him by as she goes. Her heels click against the sidewalk in her haste before a hand yanks her right back and forces her frame against a nearby wall.

“ You're a bitch, don't see me complaining. You need a ride home? ” somehow, even in his complete asshole take on his surroundings, he still offers her security. He can see how reluctant she is to accept the invitation, too, but for a moment he says nothing.

Penny shrugs his arm out of her way and tries to continue walking down the street, as though she doesn't need his charity and can very easily find her own way home safely and without needing to dig around in her purse for the pepper spray her father always told her to keep on hand. She fumbles through it a little while longer as she walks in a less than straight line, frightened now and still riled from the incident before. Steff is hot on her heels though as she goes, snapping at her now as he tells her to get in the damn car, as its just a few more feet away from where they are at present.

“ Leave me alone, Steff. I can find my own way back.. I just.. need my spray, ” she's all kinds of frantic now as she picks up the pace a little more and surpasses his porsche, not even glancing up at it to consider the possibility of a ride from such a jerk but tears fill her eyes once again when she realises she clearly did not pack her pepper spray.

Steff is right on her heels again, neglecting his own car in favour of doing a little jog to catch up with the highly frazzled female who no more than ten minutes ago punched him and gave him a bloody lip. He manages to trap her between himself and the wall again before she can walk any further, clanking away in those white heels of hers and tearing up as she rummages through her purse looking worse for wear. He actually gives a shit and that's entirely new to him, so he takes a few fleeting seconds to process it.

“ You haven't got it, sweetheart, don't burden yourself. Just get in the car, alright? ” he seems to say this in a bit of a huff, challenging his usual motive of not giving a damn, which in actuality he should be more annoyed that he is given what she did to him, but somehow he turns a new leaf in that moment, even if it only lasts until she's home.

Penny lifts her gaze to look up at him, doe-eyes searching his for any sign or indication that he is going to give her a hard time just like that girl, but she doesn't see malice. An almost calm washes over her previous fear and panic, replacing her frustration with him as well for a time as she very slightly nods her head to approve. Steff doesn't move right away, though, keeping one of his arms outstretched with his hand on the wall right at her side. She isn't trapped by any means, but she doesn't move away.

“ What? You going to give me some bullshit too cause I'm upset? Honestly, I thought it might be a good thing to befriend you and see if I can impact your lifestyle, but I can't see that happening. You're just not willing to.. ” she's cut off very suddenly, her words swallowed in her throat and her eyes bugging so much she fears they will be removed from their sockets and she fights to catch a breath, but she can't.

Steff is kissing her, his lips cushioning the onslaught of insults she was going to spring on him before he put a stop to it and even he doesn't quite know why. A kiss wasn't the best method of shutting someone up, especially if they annoyed the absolute hell out of you, smacked you in the face, continued to harass you with their bitching and didn't accept the invitation you so kindly offered in making sure they got home in one piece, yet here they were. It crossed his mind to stop, so he did, but he took his time.

“ Get in the car, Penny, ” he simply says, inhaling much needed air as she did the same and simply blinked at him stupidly until he snapped his fingers in front of her and she jumped to life, almost tripping over her heels as she walked back to his car and he was in step right behind her to make sure she didn't take off yet again.

[thelittlestcheshire]

Is that HAILEY CHESHIRE “CHES” ELSWOOD? Wow, they do look a lot like KATHERINE MCNAMARA. I hear SHE is an EIGHTEEN year old FRESHMEN who is studying ENGLISH at Luxor University. Word is they are an ARISTOCRAT student. You should watch out because they can be IMPULSIVE and STUBBORN, but on the bright side they can also be ENERGETIC and LOYAL. Ultimately, you’ll get to see it all for yourself.

the basics //

Full Name: Hailey Cheshire “Ches” Elswood

Preferred Name: Ches Elswood

Age: 18

Birthday: July 19th

Zodiac: Cancer

Gender & Pronouns: Woman (She/Hers)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Occupation: Youtuber (two channels, a theme park history channel that uploads once a month (documentary style) and a DIY channel she shares with a friend she posts on the 2nd and 4th Mondays of each month)

Relationship Status: In a Relationship with Elliot Mills

Place of Birth: Paris, France

Hometown: Manhattan, New York, New York

Country of Citizenship: United States and France [dual citizenship]

Languages Spoken: French (first), English, Latin, Portuguese, and she’s learning Norwegian (she doesn’t think it’s enough to count yet) and she just started Russian

deeper dive //

Hobbies and Talents:

 ♡ Piano

 ♡ Archery

 ♡ Acting

 ♡ Singing (Voice Claim: Katherine McNamara (updated - spring 2021))

 ♡ Reading

 ♡ Forgeries

 ♡ Lockpicking

 ♡ DIYS (especially involving resin)

 ♡ Writing (not creatively though, essays, Defunctworld scripts)

 ♡ Video Creation

Favorites:

♡ Color: Pink (the watermelon paint color)

♡ Food: Cheap Chinese Food

♡ Animal: Tigers

♡ Drink: Cherry Cola

♡ Flower: Lilies

♡ Book: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

♡ Holiday: Halloween (costumes) or Christmas (gift giving)

♡ Movie: The Shining

♡ Scent: Vanilla Bean

♡ Place: Her family's flat in Paris

♡ Quote:

“and though she be but little, she is fierce” - William Shakespeare

Bêtes Noires:

♡ Color: Dijon

♡ Food: Sushi (a lot of it has to do with that tuna allergy though)

♡ Animal: Domestic Cats, she can tolerate them but they’re one of the few animals she wouldn’t seek out.

♡ Drink: Coffee (it’s a key reason why she drinks it when she’s panicking, because who has time to panic when you’re too busy being offended by what you’re drinking? Not Ches.)

♡ Flower: Roses (she loathes them, dislike is an understatement)

♡ Book: The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Victor Hugo

♡ Holiday: Her birthday

♡ Movie: The Notebook

♡ Scent: Roses

♡ Place: Touristy Locations, she hates being around tourists ok

health //  

Conditions:

           ♡ Borderline Personality Disorder

           ♡ PTSD

Allergies: Severe Allergy to the Perciformes family of fish (tuna, mackrel, perch , and bass). Shellfish and salmoniformes (Salmon and Trout) are fine, but she won’t try any other kinds of fish just in case.

Sleeping Habits: Ches doesn’t sleep well at all, she has nightmares more often than not, and it’s rare for her to get more than a couple of hours of sleep.

Exercise Habits: While she occasionally skips leg day, Ches exercises daily because she needs to be in good shape for archery. Usually, she goes for boxing (with a dummy, not other people) but she likes hiking a lot as well.

Addictions: Alcohol, although Ches is currently in recovery

Drug Use: Occasional weed (edibles), but for the most part she avoids drugs

Alcohol Use: Ches used to drink multiple times of day daily, but now she doesn’t drink at all because she’s in recovery (attending NA and therapy) and has quit.

personality //  

MBTI: ENFP

Enneagram: 7w8 (The Enthusiast with The Challenger wing)

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral, occasionally bordering on Chaotic Good

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Percy Jackson Parent: Aphrodite

Pokémon Type: Ghost

Pokémon Subtype: Electric

Winx: Light

appearance //

Height:  5′3 ½” (not at fc height)

Tattoos: One, Two, Three

Scars: None

Piercings: None

Hair:  Red (naturally). Ches dyes her hair from time to time so she has a current hair color thing in her sidebar (you may have to scroll).

Eyes: Green

Fashion:

♡ link to ches’s closet

♡ link to ches’s shoes

life at luxor //  

Major:

♡ English

Clubs and Activities:

♡ Archery Club

♡ Theater (Actress)

♡ Concert Band (Piano)

♡ National Honor Society

fun facts //  

♡ Ches is a former Carnifex student who came over to Luxor during the merge. You can see everything that she’s been up to during her time in the rp on her timeline page.

♡ Ches has a twin brother named Jonah who isn’t at Luxor.

♡ The Elswoods are rich. Top 25 Forbes list, 50+ Billion Networth levels of rich. In turn Ches really doesn’t think that much about money, and how much it actually means to other people.

♡ Valedictorian of Luxor Academy’s 2020 Class, she turned down Columbia’s English program to attend Luxor University.

♡ She doesn’t use her first name, ever. She doesn’t like it, and there’s a fairly high chance of her just not acknowledging you if you call her Hailey.

♡ She’s a bit of a closet nerd - if you look under her bed she has a chest of comic books, although she has NO idea how they got there if you ask her.  Do not question the R2-D2 shaped thing covered by a tarp in her closet. She also doesn’t know where that came from.

♡ Extremely restless, if you want her to sit still during a movie you better give her something to do simultaneously.

♡ Her purse is kinda like Mary Poppins bag, odds are she has what you’re looking for in it. She almost always has her multi-tool on her. She also tends to carry around a single shot nerf gun, don’t ask.

♡ She got her first tattoo while she was away from school, using a forged note of parental consent in New Jersey. (The not fragile one, the arrow was added later).

♡ She has way too many siblings, you can learn about them on her family page. (She has one more not listed, a still born half brother named Julien she learned about via her mother’s diaries. The rest of the children (excluding Emmett) are unaware.)

♡ Loves animals, a lot, sometimes to a reckless extent. She would try to feed piranhas, she does try to climb into enclosures with venomous snakes. She would steal a dog (as would her twin brother, so apparently they have more in common than they realize).

♡ If Ches makes a threat, take it with a grain of salt. Yes, she owns a blowtorch, no she won’t set you on fire even if she lights it in your direction. Your muse might not always know that - depending on how much time they’ve spent with her, but ooc just remember her bark is way worse than her bite.

♡ Ches has a Porsche that she got from her father for graduating at the top of her class. Although it’s currently not travelling with her because the cost of shipping a car is insane. Anytime she’s in Lake George though, this is her baby. (She also owns a Mercedes, which was her first car).

♡ I’m always willing to discuss my muses, so feel free to hit me up if you have any questions at any point.

a tl;dr history  //  

♡ Ches’s mother was murdered on her 8th birthday in front of her

♡ She was raised by her oldest brother, Logan, and is NOT close to her father really. She also helped raise her younger sisters and is very protective of them.

♡ The Elswood she is closest to is Emmett. He’s a big part of why she’s even here, as she’d followed him to Carnifex.

♡ Her first real love was James (an npc). They dated Freshman-Sophomore years. It wasn’t a healthy relationship, and it started Ches’s messy af relationship and fwbs pattern as she didn’t want to go through that again.

♡ Ches left Luxor in October of 2019 because her oldest brother (Logan), overdosed. He’s alive and doing well now, but she stayed in NYC until March 2020 in order to take care of things here.

♡ I strongly recommend skimming Ches’s timeline page before interacting with her. These are just the bare minimum basics, and there’s more things your muse may know on there.

wanted connections //  

♡ Exes (when Ches dates it’s not for long, but she’s definitely the type to be like “I’ll go out with you” if asked and then... dump you if she thinks she’s getting too attached. So her exes are either on good terms, neutral terms, or they probably dislike her a lot)

♡  Former friends with benefits (while Ches is no longer taking on new ones because of Elliot, I’m always willing to headcanon past things!)

♡  Friends (I am weak af for a good friendship plot, never be afraid to be like “hey can our muses be friends” the answer is legit always yes)

♡ Enemies (Ches can... be a lot so it’s not unlikely she’s pissed people off ok)

♡ NA Sponsor (I think it'd be beneficial for Ches to have a sponsor, someone she respects and trusts but not someone with a close emotional attachment. I'd prefer if the muse has been sober for two+ years, but we can probably find a middle ground.)

♡ Ex Friends (People used to be friends with but no longer is on good terms with, either as an aftermath of her addiction, the aftermath of her recovery when that starts, them just growing apart, etc etc)

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Love me, love me not ~ pt. 6

06: When Grayson gets an audition

Summary: Grayson’s audition is finally here. However, that’s not the only thing on his mind as he asks Y/N for something she’s not ready to give.

Warnings: angst, fluff, a sprinkle of smut

Word count: 1.9k

Love me, love me not ~ Series Masterlist

"You've got to focus!" Y/N exclaimed, already frustrated with Grayson and his constant staring instead of actually listening to her instructions or doing pretty much anything else. He's done that since they met, but it's become a lot more frequent since the morning in Paris when they woke up tangled in one another and not in a sexual manner.

Annoyed, she snaps her fingers in front of his face, a little impatiently, definitely a little violently since Grayson was convinced she sparked up just by the force she used and sheer power of will.

"I'm listening!" He blinked a little too quickly, his usual tell. Y/N rolled her eyes, tilted her head and placed a hand over his in a gingerly manor.

"No. You're staring." She corrected, biting on the inside of her lips, trying to suppress a giddy smile. He made her giddy. She hated it. Not really, but it's what she told herself.

"I'm gazing. Staring is creepy, gazing is romantic. Big difference!" Grayson explained, turning his hand over so he could capture her unprepared long enough to hold her hand instead of having her pull back.

And she gasped when her hand felt his movement, her eyes taking note of his switch up and the ever growing warmth he brought once his palm encased hers and his long fingers slid between her smaller ones.

"And I think you love it." Grayson continues, a cocky smile upon his lips as he leans in, a wild twinkle of recklessness coming to life in his soft brown eyes.

"We're here so you can practice this script because you have ten hours till your audition." She evaded answering, mostly because her flushed cheeks were answer enough and her mind wasn't quite ready to confess to anything just yet.

"Maybe it would motivate you if you knew this character is going to be my love interest." She smiled when he perked up, shrugging right after. "But if you don't want to spend the next year making out with me for hours on end, on and off screen, I get it." She feigned innocence as she dropped her gaze, sighing heavily as if the notion had broken her heart. And Grayson knew it was an act, a total guilt trip to push him to do more and damn it, he was impressed. He was impressed because even if he knew it was an act, she had his heart pounding, his attention chained to her and with the slight quiver of her bottom lip he saw her eyes turned glossy and she had him in her hold. It's the first time ever he realized how brilliant she is at what she does and he found he loves her even more because of it.

"Alright. Teach me."

They spent the next five hours working in the best way to deliver the lines and perfect facial expressions to match his actions. He felt like a broken car in need of a proper tweaking, but he found she had tightened the bolts and the engine ran smoother with each passing minute.

"Look. It's gonna be fine." She turned to him, sitting in the passenger seat of his Porsche, in the underground garage of the building where his audition is supposed to take place.

Her hand slid atop his, the coldness of it not even phasing him anymore. He had gotten so used to it, but sometimes he'd feel it's lukewarm and he couldn't help the shit-eating grin on his face because it only ever got that way when they were together and her hand would be encased in his most of the time.

"You've got the right look, great reputation and since you're supposedly dating me, it's good publicity for the movies." Her body shifted toward his, her eyes no longer evading his gaze. She could tell he is nervous as hell, sweating as much as he did when they met and his skin burning up with the increased blood flow, courtesy of his crashing heart.

"Supposedly?" Grayson raised an eyebrow to her words, already on edge and unsure of what to say or do with himself, all his insecurities and worries tumbling over him in this moment of weakness.

"That's all you heard?" She chuckled lowly, shaking her head as his lips pressed together and his eyebrows pulled closer.

"No, but seriously. What are we? Are we together or am I just a contractual obligation to you?" The serious tone and demanding undertone had rattled her on the inside, but a smile remained upon her pink stained lips, holding up that facade she hoped could be dropped soon enough. At least around him. But she didn't know the answer to his question. Not yet. Her heart was still struggling against her mind and the battle within was tearing her apart. But she does care. She does. That much she knows. Had she not cared, she wouldn't have bothered to fight at all.

"Can we...pick up that subject after? For now, the audition is best to be a priority. I mean...technically, you're supposed to break up with me the moment today is over. Tomorrow is the date. We can talk about it tonight." She drew in a deep breath, licking her lips before pecking his - quickly, awkwardly and with uncertainty.

Sure, he questions what they are and often shows he wants more than a contract, but to be so vulnerable with someone again? To give someone the power to destroy her, her career and everything she spent her life building? That was a feat worthy of the bravest person alive and she didn't think she was that brave. She used to be. Not anymore.

"Just tell me if you feel anything. Don't just kiss me to shut me up." Grayson is brass, unforgiving and impatient. He's had enough and his frustration over the situation has come to an all time high. He keeps giving and giving and receiving close to nothing in his opinion. He's been patient, but he's not a patient man.

"I...this is a longer conversation, okay? Just come to mine tonight, okay? We can talk more then. Like we did in Paris." Her voice is sickly sweet and filled with despair covered in a compelling memory using Paris had brought.

"So you really want to just stare at me like that?" She laughed as she spoke, her hands covering her face in embarrassment. She was aware of her good looks, God knows they've told her that enough to last her a lifetime. However, she was still insecure when the guy she likes stared intently, seeing the littlest imperfections make up usually hides but she had nothing to cover them up now, and the sunshine on her face is unforgivingly illuminating.

"Always. I'd like a different view...you under me...or above. Or both, but I'm willing to wait." Grayson's cheeky comment had left her frazzled, but her mind kept her leveled.

"You will. When you get me a clean bill of health for STDs." She lost the giddiness for a moment, a serious expression of her face void of emotions. She had learned her lesson on that before and she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"Seriously? I'm clean. I promise." Grayson chuckled, in disbelief. This felt more like a comedy show than reality, but she wasn't laughing.

"Prove it. Get checked up. I have mine. Get me yours and you'll be fighting to get me off you." She winked, rolling into his embrace as Grayson made a mental note of doing as she asked. It was an odd request, but she had a right to ask and he wouldn't go against it. Mostly because he really wanted to show her what it truly means to have a man like him inside her as she clawed at his back and begged for a release. He wants that so bad.

"I will. Promise."

"Fine. I'll come by tonight. But I expect an actual answer from you tonight." Grayson huffed before getting out, Y/N following.

"Good luck, charmer." She winked at him, her dazzling smile back on and he found some comfort in it. But he found more comfort in knowing he's going to know if he's hanging on for no reason or if there is something there to fight for soon enough.

"Y/N?" He inhaled sharply, looking in her innocent little eyes that held fires no one could tame despite the ice her touch offered.

"Yeah?" Her small voice barely reached him, like a hum in the wind, a distant echo.

"You know I don't give a fuck about this audition in comparison to you, right?" Grayson decided to reassure her, trusting his instincts and what knowledge he gathered about her in their relatively short time together.

She seemed to be surprised by his confession, taken aback as if what he said is outrageous. Her wide eyes and parted lips betrayed her, her fixed gaze even more.

"Don't ever think otherwise. Because if you asked me to choose, you'd be my first choice. That's how I feel. Think about that till tonight." Grayson didn't smile like he usually does, nor did he say goodbye. He turned his back and walked away, his distancing footsteps ringing in her ears as the panic of his feelings washed over her.

What would she do? He was asking for too much, too fast. She wasn't ready for a commitment, for a new relationship. She still had something alike PTSD from the last one. But she didn't want to lose him either. She rarely gave people the benefit of doubt, but Grayson was literally sun personified. He gave her warmth, safety, a place to heal and hide from the bad. Perhaps that's selfish, but she can't afford to lose him. But she refuses to lie. A moral dilemma had taken her hostage as she got in her car, driving home with her mind in ruins.

"I care, but is there more to it?" She whispered, her voice cracking as she looked herself in the eye, the reflection looking back entirely different than when she was just starting off in Hollywood. Disgusted with the view, she closed her eyes in a sudden rage, her hand closing into a fist as it connected with glass. The crashing sound filled the bathroom, shards falling around as she cried out.

She didn't care about her bleeding hand, nor about the mess she's made in her usually perfectly clean bathroom. She was lost. She was scared. She was desperately trying to piece herself into someone worth of someone like Grayson. She wanted to be someone worth his love.

No matter how hard she tried, she struggled with the notion, because it had very little with what he could give her, and everything with what he could take. She swore she'd keep her heart safe, but she wondered if he'd reject it should she truly show him what its comprised of, all she had done.

Would he want her if he knew her for who she is, or would he run?

When she hears the lock turn, she knows she'll know soon. For better...or worse.

Tags: @xalayx @dolandolll @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @anything-dolan @peacedolantwins @maybgrayson @nowheredolan @graydolan12 @beautorigin @justordinaryjen @starrydolan @pitreshawn @grays-laugh

[beautcous]

Thread 06 - (Ringing In The New Year)

While he normally preferred to spend New Years Eve in the comfort of his own home, tonight was too important for Ezra to miss. He was taking Sydney to the Stonehill Beach soiree, and to his utter surprise, she’d agreed to go with him without much of a fuss. Ever since the day that he spent at her home, they seemed to be making strides forward. There was still a little resistance on her end, but with time, he was more than positive that he would be able to change her tune. But that was a problem for another day, for now, he was focusing on tonight. He’d brought along a bouquet of roses with him and while he waited for her to open the door, he breathed in deeply in an effort to calm his rapid heart rate. His eyes went wide once she was in front of him, his jaw growing a little slack. It took a few ticks before he was able to address her, but not before he blinked his eyes a few times. “You look great, Syd.” Before Ezra could get swept away again, he presented her with the bouquet. “These are for you. Whenever you’re ready to go we can leave…”

Sydney had done it again, broken every rule she had set forth for herself in her interactions with Ezra. Going so far as to sleeping with him yet again, and not once but three times and try as hard she could, she still couldn’t resist him. It was so goddamn frightening how easily he was able to gain the upper hand by simply putting his hands on her. But still, that day she had spent with Ezra had been quite possibly had been one of her best ones. It was in a moment of weakness that she had agreed to do the New Years with him but more so because she couldn’t bring herself to say no when she still wanted to go with him. When Sydney saw his car pull up, she was ready to go, opening her door to find a rather dashing-looking Ezra with a bouquet in hand. She felt herself go warm all-over at the way his gaze lingered on her then came his compliment and in turn, she smiled at him taking the bouquet. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” She teased before nodding, “These are so gorgeous…” she murmured inhaling the flowers before disappearing inside to place them on her table and appearing again, “I am now, thank you for the flowers.” She met his gaze a bit shyly before walking towards him to his car.

Ezra knew that his soulmate was beautiful, had known it even before he came to know the woman behind that Twitter photo. But this was beyond what he could ever imagine. Donned in a long navy blue dress, she was a vision. For a moment, all he could do was stare, like one of those star struck teenagers who were constantly approaching him. It was a wonder he didn’t end up drooling as his hues took in every inch of her lithe frame. He finally snapped out of his stupor when she spoke to him, the right corner of his lip lifting to form a smirk. “I look normal compared to you. You’re just spectacular.” And he really meant that. He didn’t get tongue tied very often and for Sydney to be able to pull it off effortlessly was a huge feat. “I’m glad you liked them.” He waited for her to put the roses away before taking her hand in his and lacing their fingers together; as if it was the more natural thing for him to do. “There’s no need to thank me.” They fell into step easily, their strides unhurried as they walked towards his car. “I hope you can dance in that dress because I plan on dancing the night away with you.” That and stealing a kiss at midnight, but that was a given. What else would he be doing on the first minutes of the New Year?

Sydney admired his lean yet muscular built, in that form-fitting tuxedo, and dare she say she almost had half a mind to pull him inside so no one else would see him looking as he did tonight. Where that possessive thought came from, Sydney had no clue but she quickly pushed it away simply at how ridiculous she was being. It had to be a result of his own staring, she hadn’t missed the way his gaze lingered on her that she felt warm all over as a shiver went down her spine. Her smile growing a bit at the word he used to describe her, but even after receiving so many from it she was still not used them mostly because she had no clue what to do with them. “You look handsome, dashing.” She told him firmly and then she let him take her hand, surprised when she felt him link them and for once Sydney didn’t pull away. Long making up her mind that she’d enjoy his company yet again tonight. At his remark, she looked over at him curiously she’d heard him but the words made her nervous for some odd reason. “What if I told you I’m not much of a dancer?” Raising a brow at him, she knew how of course but it wasn’t something she did often. “The dress is comfortable, the heels not so much, you might have to re-think that plan.” Sydney deadpanned just as they arrived at his car, she climbed inside and then waited for him to come around. Once he was inside, the brunette turned to him, “Actor, chef, and a dancer too? What other talents does the Ezra Meyer posses huh?”

“Then I guess, I’m lucky to have you by my side. Dashing and spectacular, makes for a perfect pair, don’t you think?” Ezra said in returned, teasing Sydney with a smile that he knew would be able to melt anyone’s heart. He had to force his mind from veering to the erotic, so he mentally slapped himself a few time. Try as he might, every time he would see her long legs peek out of her navy blue dress, his heart would pound behind his chest and his mouth would water. Who could blame him however? He was a red blooded man who’d already gotten a taste of his soulmate and despite it not being her attention, he could still remember what it felt like to have her legs wrapped around his waist as he took her. Whether it be gentle or hard and fast, the memory was still fresh and whenever he peered at her legs, he was tempted to drag her back into her home and have his way with her again. But nope, not tonight. He was intent on showing her good time. “If you can’t dance, I’ll just show you.” He retorted without any hesitation. “You don’t have to wear your heels to dance with me. We’ll only dance to the slow songs.” Plus, he took up a few classes in ballroom dancing for a role, and had gotten really good at it. He would be able to lead without much trouble. “I’m a man of many talents, but for you to learn all of my secrets, you’ll just have to spend more time with me.” As if luck was on his side, they arrived by his Porsche. He went to open the passenger door, but as he reached for the latch, he had a change of mind and instead, barricade her body with his own, gently pressing her lithe frame against the door. Leaning forward, he spoke to her in a tone that was filled with desire as his gaze flickered between her eyes and plump lips. “I forgot to do this…” his words trailed off as his mouth found hers in a gentle yet passionate kiss.

“As I said before, you have a slick response to everything.” Sydney quipped with a grin now lingering at her lips and try as she did to not react to his gazes. The entirety of their walk to his car, she felt his eyes on her and Sydney honestly counted lucky her stars that she managed to keep her embarrassment off her face. But she couldn’t deny she liked the effect she had on the man. Not that she had went out of her way to entice him but as she had readied herself, Ezra’s face appeared in her mind for some odd reason. But as him, Sydney wasn’t immune to him either and how she managed to keep herself composed she had no idea. At his reassurance of showing her how to dance, she chuckled a bit, “You promise you won’t be angry if I ended stepping on you over and over?” Sydney wasn’t a klutz by any means but she didn’t trust herself to move with him without inflicting some sort of bodily damage. It was his words of spending time him that had her look over at him, “Is that right?” Why did his words thrill her yet again? They shouldn’t have and nor should the prospect of spending more time with him should be something she wanted still. Hadn’t she selfishly spend already spent more time with then she allowed herself to? Sydney didn’t get a chance to think on it when she found herself pinned between the door and his taller frame, her pulse picked and so did her heart as his face dry closer, the look of desire in his eyes sending her own flying as her breath caught in her throat. Yet again, Sydney didn’t stop him and instead let their lips mold together, it was gentle but she felt the passion Ezra poured into to it that had her suddenly wished they were going and instead let him do this to her some more. Eventually, Sydney broke the kiss mostly due to lack of air and soon they were on their way. The car ride had been pleasant enough and soon they had arrived at their destination. Sydney climbed out first but before she could make a move to walk, she felt Ezra link their hands together once more and once more had her heart founding at the gesture.

“I wouldn’t call it slick. I suppose I’m just talented that way.” Ezra was obviously pulling her legs, he actually had no idea why he could easily flirt with Sydney. Maybe it had a lot to do with how he felt about her. There was always this magnetism between them–whether she wanted to acknowledge it or not. He felt it, and was more than certain that she did too. Although in her case, she was trying to fight it. He could tell that she was starting to lose her willfulness, so perhaps the way to placate her was simply to be there. In a way, he was a little worried about giving her space, because if he did that, she might take that opportunity and run with it. On the other hand, if he gave her enough freedom, and yet, was still a constant presence in her life, she wouldn’t have such negative thoughts, and that in his book was win. “I promise that I won’t be mad if you step on my toes. I never took you for a klutz to begin with.” The Sydney that he knew was graceful and beautiful, but even if she was a klutz, he would view her in the same light, and would love her the same.

“Come on, don’t tell me that you’re not a little excited to unearth all of my secrets. After all, you did say you had a crush on me.” Someday very soon, he was going to turn that crush into something more; something that had his heart beating faster as he thought about that one word, love. Yes, she was going to love him someday, the way that he loved her. He wouldn’t accept any other conclusion. They were meant to be together, to fall in love and have a great future together. For now, he just had to bide his time. It wasn’t so bad when she was kissing him, just like she was doing right now. Their lips and tongues moving together in a slow and passionate dance. He could stay here, kissing her for the rest of the night, but the lack of oxygen forced him to pull apart, and before he could allow himself to get carried away again, they were on their way to Stonehill Beach. The drive there was filled with easy conversation, and before he knew it, they had arrived. He took her hand then, fingers intertwining with hers as they made their way to the tents where the party was being held. Once there, one by one, strangers approached him asking for photos. He had to let go of Sydney’s hand then, and excused himself. For the next ten minutes his attention was focused away from her and he felt guilty for having to leave her alone. “I’m sorry about that.” He apologized after the last of his fan was gone. “Would you like to dance now?” He offered up his right hand then, a wide smile ever present on his face.

Sydney playfully rolled her eyes at his comeback but really by now she didn’t expect anything less and found herself grinning at his words. Oh, the man was talented, in many ways and she had a feeling she was only seeing part of his talents. That train of thought caused her cheeks to heat up for a moment when she realized where she had experienced most of his talents. Quickly pushing the thoughts away as quickly as they came when Ezra reassured her, he wouldn’t be put off if she happened to step on him during their dance. Once more, she wasn’t surprised, Ezra kind as always still did his best to make her feel at ease, but really he had no idea how easily he did that. His bright smile was enough to ease her worries away, god, each time he smiled at and he gazed as he was now nothing in her world seem so out of place. “Hold that thought until you’ve danced with me.” She told with a short chuckle before she heard his next remark, but she gave him an innocent smile, “I do want to know about you, but I think you might be stretching it by saying “all”, what I want to know, I’ll know. Oh and Ezra, I wouldn’t use the word crush.” She was just pulling his leg, and once more the two fell into a conversation during the car ride. Sydney continued her train of thought form the day she had spent with him and fired more questions in his direction to which he easily answered. Sydney wasn’t going to lie and say she didn’t like how he took her hand when they arrived, still keeping her by his side until the hoards of fans spotted him and somehow she found herself stepping aside while he posed for fans and signed autographs.

This went on for about ten minutes or so and while she did miss having his attention, she wasn’t annoyed by any chance. Until she spotted a stunning woman approach him, she was a fan but one that seemed to want to get cozy with Ezra, placing her hand on his arm and leaning in to speak to the actor. What she felt in that moment something she couldn’t name all she knew was that watching the two laugh and talk made her want to punch something. Sydney was not a violent person, so then why did she feel like physically moving the woman away from Ezra? Was she jealous? She shook the thought off, what reason did she have to be jealous? She wasn’t with him and that was her choice but still, the sight of had her ire rising. She hadn’t realized until now that her fingers had curled up into her fist but forced herself to relax when he made his way back to Sydney. The brunette stared at him for a few seconds, her eyes then darting over his shoulder to see the gorgeous women’s eyes still on Ezra before she spotted Sydney furrowed her brows. Oh, Sydney had no interest in keeping Ezra around this woman, so she turned to him and gave him a small smile before reaching up to cup his neck to tug his head lower. Her lips right by his ear, “We can dance after, there’s something else I think you might like first.” Pressing a kiss to his jaw, she linked their hands together and proceeded to tug him away from the crowds and into a secluded corner area where the trees began behind the tent. She could feel his confused gaze on her and Sydney forced her nerves away before she had him pinned against one of the trees keeping them hidden. Still, for a second she found it hard to meet his gaze because she was afraid she would lose her nerve. Thus, giving him in a quick but passionate kiss pulled away and settled herself on her knees, rearranging her skirts so it didn’t ruin in the dirt. She then swiftly began unbuckling his dress pants ( that he looked absolutely sinful in) and loosened it enough to free his length. Sydney then gently wrapped her hand around his cock, letting her fingers feel it’s shape and within a few seconds, she felt his cock began to stiffen under her gently pumps. Seeing his reaction honestly made her a grin a bit, relishing that even after being in the presence of the stunning woman minutes before, Sydney sill had this effect on Ezra. “Relax, Ezra.” She murmured to him, finally meeting his gaze her own hues dark with lust as she admired his impressive length in her hands and then began pumping his stiff length.

Although Ezra felt bad for having to ditch Sydney in order to sign autographs and take photos with his fans, it could not have been avoided. This was his life. As much as he wanted to be selfish, his fans mattered and he could only hope that his other half could forgive him. Tonight was all about her, he wanted to show her that he could give her everything that she ever desired. Not only was he her soulmate, but he could make her very happy as well. And he planned on doing just that by dancing with her. He tried being charming with the way he asked her, but even then he could clearly tell that she was upset. Oh boy, this was not a good start for him. He was only trying to do the right thing by entertaining his fans, but he supposed he could have excused himself, and told them that he was with Sydney. She had every right to be pissed off, and it was now his job to grovel. However, his brows furrowed in confusion at what happened next. His other half smiled at him before tugging his head down and whispering that there might be something else he would like. What did she even mean by that? He was still confused when she kissed his jaw and even more so as she took his hand and led him away from the event tent and to a secluded area of the beach.

“What’s going on, Syd?” He asked when his curiosity got the best of him. Ezra was now standing under one of the palm trees, his eyes still questioning, and watching his soulmate intently. He didn’t get an answer. However, what he did get was a kiss that lasted too short for his liking. When Sydney got down on her knees, his heart began racing and his mouth grew slack. No. She couldn’t be. Could she? He finally found clarity as she unzipped his pants and took out his semi hard cock. “Christ, Syd…” He murmured, watching her with darkened hues as she stroke his length to its full mass. A part of him wanted to question her, but her remark about him relaxing stopped him from doing so. Instead, he allowed himself to enjoy the moment, and he reached out to stroke her cheek, letting his thumb trail over her full red lips. “Show me what you can do with your mouth.” He encouraged, keeping his gaze on her. What brought this on, was still a mystery to Ezra, but for now, he was going to enjoy what she was offering him. Those questions would be answered later, he kept that as a mental note and waited for Sydney to react.

Sydney hadn’t missed his confusion nor his shock once she had him pinned against a tree in a secluded location. And truth be told, she was still mildly at what she was about to do once she had herself planted on her knees. Not that this hadn’t occurred to her before, oh, she had wondered plenty of times of what his cock would feel like in her mouth. The previous times they were together, Ezra never gave her the chance to explore him and now she was getting that chance to do so. Right now, it had been her jealously that drove her to do this and while Ezra hadn’t been interested in that woman it was still a chilling reminder that he could lose interest in Sydney quickly- not that she’d blame him. Now, normally that thought would’ve relieved her even as it ached her but now that she had his interest, Sydney had gotten a bit greedy. Her jealousy was irrational but it looks like at this moment it was winning as was her desire for him. She kept her eyes on him once she had his impressive length free as she stroked and pump once his cock grew to it’s fully aroused state. Her green eyes, she was sure, were dark with desire, letting the man see exactly the sort of effect he had on her. She could still the question in his eyes but it appeared her request of relaxing worked and she saw the look of anticipation on his features as if knowing what was about to come as soon as he urged her on. She leaned into his touch and she gave him what she hoped to be was a coy smile, “My pleasure.” She whispered out huskily before her mouth descended on his shaft but not before pressing a kiss at the tip. Then letting her lips down his length, nibbling along the thick veiny sides before she took him fully in her mouth. Now, she was certainly not used to having such a size in her mouth but it felt so good - he felt so good in her mouth that a deep moan vibrated from her throat as she began moving her mouth over him. Tongue stroking his length inside of her as her teeth also nibbling before she reverted back to the deep sucking motions. It was his moans that encouraged her to continue, the sounds so deliciously erotic in her ears and she snuck a peek at his pleasure-filled expression before focusing on the task. It was a few minutes later did her hand, cupping his balls in her hands and gently massaging them as her mouth never ceased its sucking.

What was going on? His Sydney acting really strangely. Not that Ezra was complaining. Of course he wouldn’t dare do that, but as he looked down upon her beautiful face, questions kept emerging. The first thought that went through his mind was that she might be angry with him. But if that were the case, why would she be pulling him aside to give him a blowjob in the middle of Stonehill Beach? So it clearly wasn’t anger. If that wasn’t the answer then what was? He supposed he could have easily questioned her, but that would require that he stop her from what she planned on doing, and he wasn’t dumb enough to do that. No, his questions could wait till later. For now, he was trying not to lose it before she even wrapped her pretty little mouth around his cock. The hot hand of lust trailed to his veins and throughout his body. His gaze darkened and he kept stroking at her smooth ivory cheek that now held a hint of redness to it as her hues clashed with his. He couldn’t read her expression. The only thing that was clearly visible to him was her desire; it was evidently featured in her eyes, and as she lowered her head, taking the tip of his shaft into her mouth, a strangled moan was ripped from his diaphragm. “Fuck, Syd.” He murmured, his hands balled into fists as he resisted the urge to grab a hold of her locks and ultimately messing up her hairdo. Although he had received blowjobs before, nothing could compare to what he felt at this very moment. There was something alluring about the whole act. Perhaps it had a lot to do with how much he loved Sydney, or maybe even the bold way she had taken charge. He’d never seen this side of her, and to be on the receiving end of her passion made the act all the more pleasurable in his eyes. “Just like that.” He hissed as his gaze took in the sight before him and his hips jerked forward to feed her more of his length. “Take all of me into your mouth.” If he was the sort of man who would easily lose control, he would have released prematurely, but Ezra wanted the experience to be memorable, so in spite of the urge to climax growing with every hot lick of her tongue, he resisted.

Normally, Sydney would never pluck up the never to do the sort of thing in public. But maybe it was the adrenaline that gave her the courage to do this while there was an entire crowd gathered. Along with the paparazzi, all of whom were hoping to score scandalous phots of the who’s and who’s of society. That fear was there that someone would discover the two in this position but she easily pushed it aside to see Ezra’s look of absolute pleasure thanks to her mouth. Even with the questions raised in his eyes, she could see him start to lose focus once her lips closed over the tip of his cock. Licking the drops of pre-cum that had appeared before she slowly began taking him inside of her mouth, inch by inch. He was so well-endowed and it wasn’t until she had him in her mouth halfway did she appreciate just how well he endowed he was, feeling his cock growing hard the longer her tongue and teeth moved over it. If her mouth wasn’t occupied she’d been smiling at his response, as he Ezra continued to encourage her. Tongue licking and lapping up his entire length while her teeth gently nibbled the sides. It was then Sydney heard his demand of taking him in all the way and she did exactly that. Rising a bit on her knees to sliding her mouth forward until his entire length was buried in her mouth causing a moan to reverberate from her throat as soon as she felt the tip of it brush in her throat. She would be lying if she said this didn’t arouse her in return, feeling her folds start to moisten as she continued to pleasure him with her tongue and mouth. Her head bobbing as she made suction with her mouth, her eyes darting upwards to see his expression every so often she felt his hips jerk forward urging her to push himself deeper into her mouth. Every now and then moans still vibrated from her as Sydney took her own pleasure by fucking him with her mouth. Ezra’s pleasure groans were more than enough for Sydney to want to continue this for as long as she could, relishing in the exquisite sensation of his thick hot length inside of her mouth and look of pleasure was etched onto his features.

As if Ezra’s encouragement was all that Sydney needed, her actions amped up by a mile. He tried to keep his eyes open, wanting to watch her every movement, but the pleasure coursing through his body made him close them. At this point, his focal point was how well her hot mouth worked at his cock as she slid her tongue back and forth along his length. Try as he might, he quickly lost the ability to hold back and before he could control his urges, he was shifting, hips thrusting, feeding her more of his cock. His heart was racing now, breath coming in ragged as he felt his desire mounting. Sweat beaded along his skin–all this in spite of the cool air that desert weather brought them. “So fucking good.” Ezra groaned, his eyes popping open finally, needing to watch the scene unfolding before him. That had been a bad idea because the moment his gaze locked with hers, he was done for. The tell tale signs of his climax intensified as he watched her normally subdued eyes filled with desire. Never had he witnessed such a breathtaking sight that all of his resistance snapped. With his hues still trained on hers, he growled her name quietly and spilled his seed into her mouth.

Sydney noticed him struggle to keep his eyes open and it pleased her to see him struggle to keep himself composed. Thus, she continued her ministrations, sucking, biting, and licking his shaft whilst her hand massaged his balls which had gone stiff under her hands. Her head still bobbing up and down and as his hips still moved, essentially fucking her mouth in an effort to push himself deeper into her mouth. Sydney moaned against as she squeezed his balls and sucked him harder than before, the more frenzied his hips grew the harder she sucked him. By now, she felt his cock began to glide along her throat and she moaned again, surprisingly not having any sort of gag relax. Her body felt heated against the cool air and god she was so turned at both the taste of him in her mouth and the way he was responding to her. And Sydney swore she never seen anything hotter than the sight of Ezra completely immersed in pleasure all thanks to her. She would have smiled at his compliments had her mouth not been busy and then she felt him growing near to her climax. To help him along, she increased her speed sucking even vigorously because she wanted Ezra to come in her mouth, she then squeezed his balls harder. It was then she felt his gaze on her and then met it, her own eyes still dark with desire, a desire she didn’t bother hiding as she met his haze and continue to suck him. Then in an instant, she felt his hot seed spill into her mouth which caused another moan to leave her lips, she held him in her mouth as he growled her name and it was when she saw body slump against the tree did she finally release him. The movement making an audible ‘pop’ sound with her gaze locked on his, she slowly locked her lips, licking every drop of him as she swallowed. As she gently began to stand, she could feel her heart thumping hard against her ribcage but still, she cleared her throat and smile at him, taking a step closer to him. “So, it’s safe to assume you enjoyed that?” Her eyes twinkling and she hoped her nervousness wasn’t displayed in her features as cupped his jaw and let her thumb brush it.

Seeing the absolute pleasure in Sydney’s eyes as she took him into her mouth, her hot tongue lavishing its attention on his hard cock was the catalyst to Ezra’s climax. Never had he seen such lust in a woman’s eyes as she pleasured him and not only that, the innocence that she exuded was completely gone, in its place was a vixen. He had always found his soulmate desirable, but not to this extent, even now in spite of his recent release, he wanted her again. “Christ, Syd. That mouth of yours is going to be the death of me.” He growled as she stood up once more, her dark hues meeting his as she gently ran her thumb over his jaw. He closed his eyes and burrowed against her soft touch, loving the fact that not only had she given him so much pleasure, but just moments later, she was being tender towards him. Her question had him reacting instantly, pulling her against him, his fingers tightly gripping at her soft waist and he lowered his head, “Enjoyment is too small of a word.” He murmured along her lips before his own crashed with hers, tongue colliding against hers hungrily. Although he could taste himself in her mouth, it didn’t repulse him, if anything, it made him ravenous for her. For a time, he allowed the kiss to be prolonged until he had to pull back for a breath. “God, you have no idea what you do to me.” He said with his heart hammering loudly, his forehead now pressed against hers while he tried to calm the raging desire still burning within him. It took a few minutes before he was calm enough to ask her the question that had been stuck in his mind, “What brought this on? I thought you might be angry at me for leaving you. I would’ve understood if you were, but this? This came as a complete surprise to me.” His tone was gentle and beseeching as his hues peered into hers needing to understand what was going through her mind.

Sydney had no doubt that her sudden actions had surprised him, she who was always so shy towards his advances and even when they were tangled in each other’s arms her shyness always lingered. She had no reason to be embarrassed of course, Ezra always made her feel so beautiful and wanted - with his gaze alone, the way he looked at her as if she was the only thing worth looking at. Still, this was something that was new to her but she was thankful her courage hadn’t failed her while she had pleased him with her mouth. Smiling at his words and she loved how breathless he sounded in that moment and how his pleasure still lingered in his voice. And she stood and stroked his jaw, her eyes still studied him whilst her heart hammered against her chest, then he leaned into her touch and her pulse raced even harder. Really, the brunette was still in shock she was doing any of this going down on him and then being so tender, something she’d never done with him but for reason she felt guilty for. He was always so good to her and she had given him nothing but aloofness and harsh words.So, when he tugged her closer, Sydney leaned into him for once allowing her to be near him and as their lips met, she chuckled, “Not to be cocky of course, that’s your field of expertise.” She murmured just before she kissed him hungrily as he was kissing her but when it broke she found herself peering into his eyes once more. Sydney found herself lost in his gaze, almost mesmerized that she hadn’t even heard his question until he had pulled back from their eye lock. “Why would I be angry? You have fans, I wouldn’t want you to ignore them nor would I ever ask you too.” She told him sincerely, that bit was the truth she was always happy seeing him surrounded by his fans because she could see how much he cherished them all. “You adore your fans sincerely, I admire that about you. As for this, well, I just wanted to.” Still, Sydney felt a bit nervous not all wanting to admit it was her jealously that drove her. “I surprised myself too.” she muttered under her breath. “I just saw something earlier with you and I realized…nevermind, it’s not a big deal because I wanted to do this for awhile now…” The temptation to avert her gaze was strong but still he kept her trapped and she was sure her nervousness was evident now.

Not that Ezra was complaining, but there was something off about how Sydney was acting. He couldn’t deny that he enjoyed this bold part of her, of course he did. He was a red-blooded man who desired his soulmate. However, there was a difference between him desiring her and her sudden need to have an erotic interlude out in public no less. Was it a kink of hers that he didn’t know of? For some reason that didn’t sound right. But then again, how would he know, they were just in the beginning stages of getting to know each other. There was no telling what his soulmate liked sexually. So far, from what he could tell, she had responded well to everything that he’d done to her, whether it be soft or hard, not once had she complained. Still, until he got a full explanation, he would keep wondering, needing the answers that only she could give him. At least she wasn’t angry with him for spending time away from her earlier while he was meeting his fans and signing autographs for them. “I’m glad that you understand, but please know that no matter what, you will always come first.” She might freak out on him for what he just told her, but he couldn’t regret his statement, not when he meant them wholeheartedly.A quizzical brow rose and he tilted his head while he inspected her features. There was hesitancy in her remark. Why did she look so nervous? “You just wanted to…?” For some reason he couldn’t bring himself to believe that her need to give him a blowjob overtook her out of nowhere. There were a million places she could have done that, but she chose tonight, right here, where anyone could walk pass and catch them, to do it. “That’s all?” He heard her trying to explain herself further, and yet, before everything was revealed, she stopped herself. Reaching out, he placed a hand over her cheek, and gently caressed it with his thumb. “There’s more to this, isn’t there? You said there was something you saw earlier. What was it, Syd? You know you can tell me. I won’t judge.” He kept his voice low and coaxing, hoping to entice her into making a full confession.

She could see the relief that crossed his features when she reassured she wasn’t angry for giving some of his time to his fans but it was his next words that had her almost flinch. She stared at Ezra for a few seconds longer, not quite sure how to respond but she could feel her panic return but she pushed it down. “You don’t owe me any of that, Ezra but I appreciate you saying that.” But her words were gentle this time because she didn’t intended to start an argument with him or worse, hurt him. Now, Sydney wasn’t sure how convincing her words were but admitting to him she’d been jealous for no reason sent another wave of embarrassment to her. Now, she knew Ezra wouldn’t make fun of her per say, she imagined he’d only be more confused perhaps as to why she was jealously. Especially considering she had no reason to be when she’d told him over and over she would not be with him. But still, the artist found it a bit difficult to confess such a thing to him. She could hear the question in his response, but of course her own words didn’t sound convincing in her own ears. She was silent for some seconds until she felt his hand on her cheek and she could see his gaze probing hers for answers, but she suppose the least she could do is be honest with him.She knew Ezra didn’t mind her stunt just minutes ago but he deserved to know and his assurance that he wouldn’t be upset nor would he judge her what she had to say, so Sydney took a deep breath. “Yes, Ezra, I wanted to but also because I was…jealous.” She bit down on her lip before she straightened her posture, and still met his gaze. “When you were with your fans, towards the end there’s was another woman, gorgeous one too I might add, trying to get your attention. You didn’t notice her?” She raised a brow at him, “The way she was putting her hands on you, leaning into you while you were speaking to her…she was still watching you when you walked over to me.” Really, Sydney fought back at her wince at just how ridiculous she sounded to herself, “Now, that I’ve officially embarrassed myself, shall we go inside?”

Ezra hoped that his gentle coaxing might help Sydney feel a little more comfortable and in turn would make her want to make a full confession. There was still hesitation in her eyes, and he could tell that she was unsure whether or not she should confide in him, but eventually she relented, and the answer behind her strange behavior, stunned him silent. His mouth opened and closed, eyes blinking a few times as he stared at her in awe. She was jealous. Sydney was jealous! He I was at a loss for words. A part of him wanted to jump in joy. He felt like he had just won the lottery knowing that his soulmate was jealous of some woman who didn’t even cross his radar. The way she described this woman, while her voice dripped with annoyance, made his heart fill with joy. He had to stop himself from smiling, so instead, he shook his head and answered her question. “No, I didn’t notice her.” God, watching her now, she had never been more beautiful with her cheeks slightly tinted red as she tried to steer the subject away from her jealousy. Was it bad that he was turned on by her? Not in his eyes. “We’re not going back inside.” Came his response before he took her hand, once more lacing his fingers with hers and headed straight to his Porsche. Once outside his vehicle, he heard the loud cheers of party goers ringing in the New Year, so he stopped short, pulling his soulmate into his arms and kissing her senseless. “Happy New Year, Syd. I’m taking you home with me.” He told her hoarsely, his lips nipping at hers for a few moments before he helped her into the passenger side, hopped in as well and drove to his house. There was no attempt at a conversation as he broke the speed limit to get home, his heart beating a mile a minute as his desire mounted. When they got there, he led her inside and straight to his bedroom which was where his passion was finally unleashed. His lips found hers immediately, hands pulling her close as he backed her onto his bed where they both landed not too long afterwards. “I want you so fucking badly…” He growled against her lips while his hands greedily mapped out every inch of her exposed skin and his erection rubbing along her panty covered pussy.

Sydney held her breath as she watched Ezra’s expression carefully, her heart still pounding harshly against her rib cage almost expecting the worst. But really, she knew just how ridiculous her words were and how she was feeling, jealous over a man whom she continued to push away. Well, that as a bit of lie she wasn’t doing job considering she had yet to stop sleeping with him. Finally, after what felt like ages did he speak and his words had her gaze at him curiously, and she assumed it was because he was now annoyed and needed to be away from her. Sydney tried not to let those thoughts enter her mind but her worries were short-lived as he grabbed her hand and led her to his car, she had no chance to ask before this mouth descended on her in all-consuming kiss. She hadn’t realized the countdown had begun until she hard the shouts coming from the tent and Sydney kissed him back with equal hunger and passion. “Happy New Year.” She managed to get the well wishes in before she heard his last bit and froze. Still she had no time to process the words before they both had climbed into his car and the ride was silent but most because Ezra seemed determined get them to his place within a few minutes. Sydney felt the world around them fly by at the rate he was driving but despite her racing her heart she smiled a little to herself. Relieved that he hadn’t been put off by her somewhat ridiculous behavior and dare she say, he had looked pleased at her confession? They arrived within in minutes, or what it felt like to Sydney at the speed in which he was driving in and before she knew it, his large frame covered hers and their lips met in a ravenous kiss. Sydney grew wet in anticipation both at his words and the look of hunger in his eyes that a soft whimper left her lips. Her arms coming around him as she felt his hands explore her body and then she felt his hot cock rubbing against the lace of her panties. Thanks to the thin material she felt the heat of it despite the annoying fabric in the way. “Ezra, I want you.” She managed to breathe out as felt herself grow wetter, tugging him on her while her hands tired to remove his blaze and as his shirt. “Get this all off.”

The tug and pull that Ezra had been subjected to since coming to know that Sydney was his soulmate was enough to push any man away, and yet here he still was, standing firm, not wanting to give into defeat. There had been a reason why he was so attracted to his soulmate to begin with. It started physically, he noted her beauty and radiance, but the longer he got to know her, the more he fell. It was as if everything had been laid out for him. Sure, his path was not going to be easy, but he couldn’t even begin to conceive a life without his soulmate, and so he decided to wait, to allow her time to get used to being with him. Over the past couple of days, she had slowly opened up, and tonight having to witness how she reacted to some insignificant woman, how her jealousy had reared its ugly head, it all made Ezra feel as if his efforts were not spent in vain. Sydney cared. It had him reacting, allowing his hunger for her to take over. Once he got her to his house he didn’t spare another minute giving her a tour–even though he knew she hadn’t been there before. He quickly took her to his room, and it was there that he ravaged her mouth, growling out how much he wanted her. When he heard her response, admitting that she wanted him too, all bets were off and without thinking he ripped her clothes off her body and had his way with her. His lips descended down to her pussy where he ate her out until she was screaming his name. Then he demanded that she take him in her mouth again, taking him just close to the edge before he pushed her onto her back and fucked her senseless. He didn’t know how long the session lasted, all he felt was complete and utter ecstasy. Their moans echoed throughout his room as he took her over and over that night in every position he knew. They had to take a break in between to hydrate and as they stood in his kitchen their eyes meeting, he attacked her once more, lifting her up onto the kitchen island and fucking her senseless yet again. Somehow, they ended up in his living room in front of his lit fireplace and it was there that he took her without hurry, his thrusts slow but deep. Their lips never parted until they both were overtaken by their orgasms. Seeing how tired Sydney was, he curled up next to her, and with their bodies still tangled in an embrace, they both drifted off to sleep. If what transpired the night prior was any indication, Ezra could tell that the year 2020 was only going to bring good things for their relationship.

COMPLETED

[peace-love-yaoi]

Double Agent- Jikook Chapter 1

"Master Jimin!" One of the servants waited at the gate to the Park Compound as he returned from his latest assignment: stealing an original Rembrandt that a wealthy client had offered to pay a heinous amount of money for.

"What is it?"

"The Elders have requested an audience with you."

Jimin sighed and sent the servant away, then hurried to the parlor where the Elders held council with members of the Park Family, long blond hair trailing behind him as he ran. Calling them a family was a bit of a stretch; although they were related, the Park Elders and members of the family had more of a master/servant relationship. Something Jimin found a bit archaic, especially in these modern times. When he arrived, he found all six of the Park Elders waiting for him, sitting on one side of a large conference table, looking smug. Jimin got a sense that he wasn't going to like whatever they had to say. He sat in one of the chairs positioned across from them and waited to be addressed.

"Jimin, pride of our…family, we have something for you."

Jimin wanted to frown, but stilled his face into a blank mask. "Of course. Do you have another assignment for me already?"

"No. It's actually more of a gift, of sorts."

Jimin couldn't hold back a frown at that; the Elders didn't give gifts. Ever. "I am honored. May I ask the occasion?"

"You have always been fond of Myungjun, have you not?"

"What have you done to him?" The venom in his voice was undeniable.

"Watch your tone young man! Remember to whom you are speaking!"

Jimin didn't respond, but nodded his agreement.

An Elder at the end of the table motioned for a servant. "Bring Myungjun out."

Jimin was unconsciously holding his breath, trying to remain still. The servant led Myungjun out with one hand on his elbow and the other clasped firmly in his hand. Jimin was puzzled by this. Servants were never allowed to touch members of the family. Then Myungjun opened his eyes, and Jimin gasped. Their eyes met; Myungjun’s eyes now matched his, pale gray, almost white. Unlike Jimin’s eyes however, his were unfocused, blank and unseeing. He felt tears prick at the back of his eyes; how could they have done this to sweet innocent Myungjun?

"Jimin... is that you?" He reached his hands out searching for him. He stood up from his chair and grasped the outstretched palm between his own. He brought the hand to his cheek and held it there.

He cleared his throat and said, "Yes Myungjun, it's me." He smiled and embraced him.

"I was so frightened... and the pain, it was unbearable." He mumbled into Jimin’s shoulder.

One of the Elders snorted at Myungjun's statement and Jimin saw red. He released Myungjun from their embrace, but still held his hand.

"You unimaginable monsters think it's funny do you? Well, I don't see any of you walking around with these eyes! What the fuck were you thinking? He isn't a member of the Idol Program, so why did you do this?"

All the Elders looked very offended. "We thought that you would appreciate this gift. You were always the one to suffer, while he was put on a pedestal far away from any danger. Apparently you have no sense of humor", sniffed one of the Elders.

Jimin gritted his teeth and practically growled at them, "I have put up with your fucking antics and games all my life, and never complained as long it was only me who suffered from your torture! But now you have brought Myungjun into this and made him suffer unimaginable pain for no reason and you expect me to think it's funny? Well, I have a joke for you. I am out of here and I am taking him with me. You can try to stop me but you never will. You all know very well that I am the most skilled operative you have. All of your men couldn't stop me if they tried."

Jimin glared coldly at the council members sitting with shocked looks. They all knew what he said was true; there was no one who could even come close to Jimin. "Maybe you shouldn't have trained me quite so well if you were planning on screwing with the people I love."

Jimin turned and left the Elders screaming after him. He led Myungjun along with an arm wrapped around his shoulders. Both his small hands were clutching his shirt, afraid that if they were separated that he would be attacked. He hurried them to the exit as quickly as he dared with Myungjun's new blindness making him stumble almost every other step. When they reached the exit there were about a dozen men blocking the doors. Jimin stopped and glared at them.

"Are you going to let us pass or am I going to have to make you move?"

"We have our orders, and we are to stop you using any necessary force."

Jimin really didn't want to fight them. A lot of them were his friends, but if they stood in his way then he had no other choice. Jimin removed Myungjun's hands and pushed the other behind him.

"Stand back Myungjun, I don't want you getting hurt."

The first one attacked him, trying to catch him with a left hook. Jimin could tell that this man was a boxer; his low center of gravity gave him away immediately. Jimin dodged and faked a punch to the abdomen, but as his attacker lowered his arms to protect his stomach Jimin brought his other fist up and connected a solid punch to his windpipe. The man dropped like a sack of potatoes. The others all decided that attacking him as a pack would work better. Jimin smiled. These men were only hampering themselves as they got in each other's way. Jimin took the first to reach him out with a hard elbow to the temple; the second got a kick to the chest. He took them out quickly and efficiently, never giving any of them time to reach Myungjun.

Jimin reached for Myungjun, who squeaked in terror when Jimin touched him. After assuring him that it was Jimin and that he was unharmed he led him past the unconscious bodies of his attackers. The front doors were on lockdown, and frankly looked like something that might be used by NASA. However, Jimin was a professional and he hacked the control panel in three minutes and twelve seconds. Not his personal best, but he was under a great deal of strain, so he let it slide. They escaped the compound and headed for Jimin's silver Porsche, which thankfully hadn't been put in the garage. Jimin drove away with a screech of black tire marks on the street. There was only one place to go; he rented an apartment on the other side of town under an assumed name. He knew that this cover would only last a few days with an organization as large as the Park’s coming after them.

Jimin pulled up to the apartment complex and stashed the car in one of the underground units. He led Myungjun up to his penthouse, staying alert in case someone had recovered quickly enough to follow them. It looked as if they had gotten lucky; there was no interference on their way up. When they reached his apartment, Jimin sat Myungjun on the couch and fetched a glass of water for him from the state-of-the-art kitchen. The penthouse was quite an affair, all glass and chrome. It was modern to the extreme, and looked almost menacing for the lack of color. Jimin was glad Myungjun couldn't see it; he feared the austere setting might only frighten him more. He sat on the coffee table across from him and watched as he sipped his water and tried to appear calm. He let his knees brush against his, letting him know that he was still there.

"J-Jimin… what are we g-g-going to do?" he sobbed, clutching his glass of water until his knuckles turned white.

"I will take care of you Myungjun. You know that, right?"

He nodded.

"Okay. I need a plan."

Jimin put his head in his hands as though holding his skull might stuff all his wondering thoughts into order. Okay, simply running from the Park’s wasn't possible. Their reach was worldwide, and there was nowhere he and Myungjun could hide where they wouldn't eventually be found. Which meant that Jimin was going to have to take out the Organization before Myungjun would ever truly be safe. But he knew he couldn't do it alone. Luckily there was someone else that hated the Park as much as him… and that just might work. For his plan to be effective however, he would have to get back into the family's good graces, which was going to be… painful.

The next day Jimin drove back to the Park compound and braced himself for what was going to happen next. He approached the doors and guards came out; he let them restrain him and check for weapons before he was led to the parlor. The Elders sat in their chairs looking smug; their prized pony had come home so soon. Jimin reluctantly took up the submissive pose, bowing to them. "My behavior yesterday was inexcusable, and I would like to apologize and ask your forgiveness on behalf of Myungjun and myself."

"Where is our precious Myungjun?" one of the Elders hissed.

"He is safe, and I would like to ask permission to keep him with me at an apartment I have rented. He is rather frightened and traumatized."

The Elders tittered amongst themselves for a few minutes, even though they all knew that there was no choice but to accept Jimin's demands. His skills were too valuable to be wasted. Finally one of them addressed him.

"You are willing to accept your punishment as well as his without complaint?"

"Yes wise elders, I have wronged you and deserve to be reprimanded. I find it only fair that I accept the punishment for Myungjun, as he was only following me."

"I believe you are familiar with 'the brand'?"

Jimin winced, then nodded his head. The Elders all had wide smiles on their faces. Everyone loves a punishment. Jimin had hoped in vain that he would get any other punishment - bamboo shoots under the fingernails; water-boarding; anything but 'the brand'. Luck, however, was not on his side, and he was lifted by his armpits and led to the room where all of the punishments were meted out. Jimin was freed from his restraints and stripped of his shirt before being strapped face-down on a wooden slab. The straps were tight enough so that he couldn't move and ruin the brand. Jimin had received this punishment before, so he knew it would hurt twice as much on his already-scarred skin. The brand was a simple rectangle of metal, about as wide across as a woman's shoulders, heated to a white hot temperature, then pressed to the skin.

"You will receive two rounds, one for you and one for Myungjun. Each will be five seconds, is this understood?"

Jimin nodded, bracing himself for the torture that he was going to endure. He heard the metal cattle-brand being pulled out of the flames, and sneezed when the stench of hot metal reached his nose. The brand was applied to the pale skin across his shoulders with a sickening sizzle. Jimin made it through the first round without as much as a whimper passing his lips. His back was throbbing and burning and he could smell his melted flesh. His gag reflex kicked in, while he was convincing his body that throwing up was a bad idea the brand was heated up again. This time he wasn't ready and when the red-hot metal made contact with his ravaged skin, a traitorous scream tore past his lips. He was unstrapped from the table and allowed a few minutes alone to compose himself. After throwing up in the conveniently-placed toilet, he shuffled to the sink, filled his hands with ice cold water and tried as best as he could to cool the cauterized skin. He was officially back on the Park's good side; now it was time to implement stage two of his plan.

The Elders thanked Jimin for his service and had one of their medics treat his back before he left. They informed him that he needed to return in one week for his next assignment. He bowed to them and told them how honored he was that they had chosen to forgive for his insolence, and then left with his spine straight and his head up. He refused to let them know how much pain he was in, even as the weight of his white button-up shirt made him feel as though all the skin on his back was being scraped off with a rusty spoon.

The Park now trusted Jimin, and that was vital to the success of his plan. He drove his car to a small garage he rented monthly and swapped it for a plain white Honda Accord that he kept for situations like this - when he needed to blend in. He pulled out of the garage and headed toward his final destination - CIA Headquarters.

He parked his car at a diner a few blocks away from the building he was headed for, then pulled on a hoodie and tucked his tell-tale long, blond locks inside; he put on sunglasses to hide his eyes and quickly jogged to the building. He made it through the security point then pulled off his modest disguise, freeing his long hair and uncovering his eyes. His attention was immediately drawn to a man with dark hair who looked as though he were seconds from being literally bored to death. The man's hands were tucked into the pockets of his black trousers and he was wearing a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled back to his elbows. He was talking to a cheery-looking rotund man. As though he sensed his presence the man turned and his black eyes locked with Jimin's own gray ones. The man froze, and then pulled himself up to full height; his lazy demeanor gave way to a commanding presence and Jimin couldn't help but be intrigued.

I think someone recognizes me… Jimin thought to himself.

"Now, what business could Park Jimin have at CIA Headquarters?"

Jimin didn't have time to stand around and chat with this man; he was either going to help or he wasn't. "You seem to have me at a disadvantage; you are?"

"Agent Jeon Jungkook. What is your business here?"

"I am going to help you bring down the Park Organization", Jimin announced.

The man snorted a laugh. "Yeah right. Park’s don't flip sides; we have seen enough suicides from the organization to know that."

"Would you like to know why?"

"Sure, why don't you tell me?" The sarcasm in his voice pissed Jimin off.

"Park children are raised like warriors. From the time that they are children they are taught that snitching is a sin. They are taught that if anyone is ever caught, that suicide is a better option than what you would receive from the family when they found you."

"Alright I’ll admit, I'm interested, but I still don't trust you."

Agent Jeon led Jimin through the building until they arrived at the interrogation rooms. Jimin snorted at how cliché the room appeared - concrete floors, plain white walls and a metal table and chairs in the middle; there was even the big mirror on the wall.

"Take a seat. I will be right back."

Jimin sat, assuming that the man was going to get his boss. A few minutes later Jeon returned, accompanied by a big man with blond hair and dimples.

"I'm Kim Namjoon. My agent here tells me that you say that you want to bring down the Parks."

Jimin met his eyes and nodded. "Your agent is correct."

"May I ask what caused such a change of heart?"

Jimin knew that one was coming. "If you must know, I will tell you. I am sure that you are aware of who Park Myungjun is."

Both agents nodded.

"He was forced to undergo the 'LIE Procedure' as some kind of sick joke to the Elders."

"We don't know much about it, we have only heard of it a handful of times, and no one wants to say anything more on the subject. Part of the Park family mystery is how so many of them have gray eyes, though their ancestry is Asian. This operation is the reason for that, yes? Can you tell us more about this 'LIE Procedure'?"

"I don't know all of the specifics. It stands for Laser Integral Eye Procedure, it is a procedure that enhances vision. An average person with perfect eyesight has 20/20 vision, but after the procedure that person's vision would be closer to 40/20.

They could see twice as far and their vision is twice as accurate, it even allows them to see perfectly at night. However it is a very painful and extremely risky operation, and as a side-effect it changes the color of the eyes. It leaves two out of three people blind, and when that happens the Elders declare those individuals no longer useful to the family and they are executed or locked away."

Both agents looked appalled. "You people do that to your own family?" Agent Kim asked.

Jimin glared and stood, slamming his palms down on the table. "You know what? Fuck you! I never should have come here." He turned and took three long strides toward the door.

"No, wait! Don't go!" Agent Jeon called. He gripped Jimin's shoulder trying to stop him.

Jimin gasped; he felt rushing in his ears and his knees buckled under him. He pulled away from that hand and tried to force himself to stay conscious. Both agents looked on, shocked and confused at this turn of events. Jimin pushed himself up off the floor and turned toward the agents with a glare.

"You act so high and fucking mighty; you have no idea what it's like to grow up in that god-forsaken compound. You think you understand what I have been through? You couldn't even imagine the things I have to do to keep myself and Myungjun safe. You wanna know what it's like, well I'll show you!" Jimin unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it away from his burnt skin. He pulled his hair to the front and turned his back to them.

Both of them gasped at the sight of his destroyed shoulders.

"So fuck this, I am out of here. This was a mistake." Jimin pulled his shirt back up and buttoned it as he rushed toward the exit. Jeon caught up to him as he rounded the first corner. He grabbed Jimin's hand and tried to stop him, but Jimin ripped his hand free and turned toward the agent. "Don't you fucking touch me."

"Please come back. He didn't mean what he said. It is just shocking, you must understand. Please?"

Jimin eyed the desperate look on the other's face. "Fine, but this is your last chance. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by leaving here. You had better remember that."

He was led back to the interrogation room. Agent Kim was still there, and he faced Jimin. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

Jimin nodded to him and took his seat. "Any more questions?"

[mechanicdublin3-blog]

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[wmsreads]

She’s so lovely, so fragile. Those haunted eyes. Those rosebud lips... they’ll scream so prettily.

Where to begin with this book… This was chosen as Between the Lines’ April YA book of the month and honestly I’m still not even sure if I liked it or not. I’ve been going back and forth between whether to give it 2 or 3 stars since I finished because I didn’t HATE it, and I will probably end up reading the second book, but I didn’t love it either. I’ve finally settled on 3 because it’s “meh” but there were some things that I definitely didn’t like about it that I can’t get past, which unfortunately are going to be the majority of what my review focuses on.

Let’s start with the predictability of the story. I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve read a lot of these kinds of stories before or what, but every step of this story was very predictable to me and that was disappointing because it felt like there was never any real suspense. From the moment Evie walked into Arthur’s house I knew that even though he thought he was laying a trap for her, he was actually the one being trapped. When Jackson rode into the story on his bike, I knew he would be the protector Evie mentioned to Arthur and that she would fall in love with him. And when it appears Jackson is scared of Evie when he finally sees her as the Empress, saw that coming too.

Which brings me to my next gripe with the books; the characters. For starters, we spent 13 whole chapters getting to know a bunch of characters who weren’t even going to survive the Flash. From Evie’s jock boyfriend Brandon who couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off other girls and kept pressuring Evie to sleep with him, to her best Mel who continually told Evie that if she didn’t put out for Brandon he’d leave her. First of all, what the hell kind of friend says that?! Second, why did the author waste our time on these characters when they did nothing to move the story forward? This is why most post-apocalyptic stories don’t bother wasting more than a few pages explaining everything that happened before the big event, and they definitely don’t do it in 13 chapters worth of painfully intricate detail.

Evie was the worst character in my opinion which was really disappointing, I really wanted to like her but I just couldn’t. It felt like the author wanted to create a badass heroine who could handle her own but all she succeeded in doing was creating a thoroughly slappable, annoying little girl that fit into every stereotype that women have been fighting against for years. Not only was she the perfect little rich girl; always dressed up like a little doll, spewing brand names left and right, bragging about her expensive jewellery and possessions, apparently so attractive that every man she came across apparently wanted to possess her, dating the quarterback (“He was the most enviable catch in the parish. Senior. Quarterback. Rich. The Trifecta of boyfriends.”), but she was also somehow both popular and a friend to/ cared about literally everyone in school … that is until “those Cajun’s” arrived. And yes, “those Cajun’s” was an actual quote from the book, I’m not even kidding. She instantly hated and looked down her nose at these kids because they were from Basin Town, a town on the other side of the levee known for its “...hot-blooded women, hard-fighting men, and unbelievable poverty.” Apparently it wasn’t worth wasting Evie’s precious time to get to know “...classless boys from the wrong side of the bayou”. At least not until her boyfriend was dead and Jackson was the only boy left willing to protect her.

Let’s talk about Jackson, shall we? Jackson Deveaux, the boy who flies off the handle at the drop of a hat and treats everyone around him like shit, the boy with a very warped and archaic sense of how men and women should interact, the boy who doesn’t take no for an answer and believes women are inherently weak. That boy set alarm bells ringing in my head from the moment he lingered on his bike next to Brandon’s Porsche to stare at Evie’s arse. Then he cornered her at her birthday party and despite being told repeatedly by Evie to stop he still tried to force her to kiss him (“I woan let you go back to that boy—not until you give me one bec doux. A sweet kiss.”). And again, in the pool at Selena’s house. Though that time Evie consented (god knows why!), he then flew off the handle yet again when she refused to have sex with him (“Hell Evie, you’re probably the last girl on earth for me. Would it kill you to put out?”) called her a tease, and then instantly started flirting with Selena when she showed up a few minutes later. We then find out later he was only using Selena to make Evie jealous, so add that to the ever growing list of reasons why I don’t like good ol’ Jack too. He refused to let Evie even attempt to defend herself and then turned around at every opportunity and told her she was weak, called a resource-suck and made her feel like shit. This guy is the epitome of the disgusting habit boys have of treating the girls they fancy like dirt and I’m honestly sick to death of seeing this happen in so many books.

Moving on to the world building… It was at best incredibly vague and at worst, utterly confusing. There was no real explanation as to what the Flash was other than to say it was solar flares and by the end of the book I had a slew of other questions I knew wouldn't be answered. How is it that all plant and animal life was obliterated but a ton of wood buildings survived? If all the seas were evaporated, why was some small ponds and rivers and swamps magically left alone? What happened during the 7 month time jump between the Flash and when Evie’s mother got hurt and why did the author not bother with that time? Why is Evie the only one (besides Matthew) who can hear the other Arcana’s voices?  And why did “most females sicken and die” after the event? There are so many things that are left unexplained! I just don’t understand a lot of the decisions the author made, it seemed like she just kept changing things to suit the scene she was trying to create at any given time.

Though the most confusing thing for me would have to be the inclusion of the bagmen. I’m no scientist but I don’t think solar flares are capable of turning humans into weird, slimy, water-hungry zombies. Also, why are they called bagmen? And what exactly is the point of them? The story would have been exactly the same without them.

The one thing that saved this book for me was the Arcana/Tarot aspect to the story, but even that fell short. I’m really hoping this aspect of the story is fleshed out more in the next book but I won’t hold my breath. It had potential to be so much better than it was but it was hampered by all of the things mentioned above and the fact that once again, the information about the Arcana and their purpose was also infuriatingly vague. I had such high hopes for this book after so many people in my book club seemed to really like it. The prologue drew me in, the first thirteen chapters simultaneously bored and infuriated me, chapter 14 kept me going, and the rest of the book felt like it was just a step behind something really exciting happening the entire time and sadly never quite got there.

Check out Poison Princess by Kresley Cole on Goodreads.

Because otherwise the Empress might just kill them all— Moisture tracks down my face. A tear? Rain. As Jackson and I stare at each other, drops fall between us...