#and playing painful and joyful helped me think about other things

[basofy]

uhmmm lisa

[wutheringcaterpillar]

Omg hi! i was wondering if i could request a tommy fic? i was thinking during the whole luca changretta war tommy finds (Reader) who is a harley quinn typa gal in the psych ward gets her out and asks to help him kill luca?

•Thank you for the request! Apologies it took so long to come out, hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Altered storyline, mentions of smut

The hallways were narrow as he passed by each barred cell, ignoring the familiar faces of many of his enemies. With each step he was inching closer to her menacing yet playful laugh. He was desperate at this point and being a Shelby he’d never like to admit that.

He really didn’t want to do this, but what other choice did he have? Y/N L/N was known very well for her crimes, many she had gotten away with until she attempted to blow up Tommy’s fucking pub and threatened his family, also the time where you had managed to do seduce his men guarding the company and breaking into the vault stealing a tremendous amount of money.

“Mr. Shelby, crawling back already are we? To what do I owe the displeasure?” She snarled at the sight of his frigid, cold stare. 

Folding his hands and standing with a straight back, feet implanted solidly in his stance, he released a disgruntled breath.

“I need your help. You’re the only one who’s been able to out play me numerous times, and we have a common enemy we both want dead.” She simply giggled and rolled her eyes, not at all phased by his demeanor. Was he being serious right now?

“Regardless of who it is, why should I help you? After all you’re the reason I’m in this filthy, low ridden place. What could you possibly offer me that I can’t already get myself?”

“You’re freedom. No strings attached after Luca Changretta is dead.” The man’s name rolling off Tommy’s tongue boiled the blood in your veins. He was the man who had killed your mother and made you an orphan, depending on others for food, living on the streets growing up all by yourself at the ripe age of twelve. 

He noticed the sudden change in your facial features and how your hands clung to the metal bars, knuckles turning white in anger.

“So what do you say? Do we have a deal?” 

The breath of fresh air warmed your body, refreshing your sense of smell. Tommy had a tight grip around your bicep, untrusting that you held any type of loyalty to the arrangement.

Shoving you roughly into the car and locking the doors, he drove off filling you in on what the Changretta’s have been doing to his family, mentioning the death of his brother John.

Pulling into the driveway, knowing it had been a long, painful day, he thought it was best just to show you to your room and create a plan of takedown the following morning.

Your eyes widened in shock at the big expensive house, surprised to see he had a maid waiting on him, yet you couldn’t steer away from all of the fine china on the walls, the glistening silverware laying out on the clothed table.

“If I had known where you lived I would’ve ramsacked this play awhile ago, I mean look at this!” You picked up the ferrarce pink egg in your hand carelessly, magnifying it’s beauty and not being able to stop thinking how much money the antique could get you. Grasping the object out of your hand, Tommy forced you around back to the stairs where you heard pitter pattering footsteps rushing past you down the stairs.

Seeing the little boy so alight and full of energy brought a profound joyfulness to you. A person’s childhood is so precious, supposed to be the best time of life, never worrying about a thing, not understanding the hatefullness in the world. It made you sympathize a little.

“You have a child?” Tommy wasn’t going to entertain any conversation of his private life. He was uncomfortable enough having you here in this house with Charlie but what choice did he have?

“Don’t get any ideas, breakfast is at 8 am. This will be your room, windows have been barred, any sharp objects have been taken out, don’t bother trying anything.” The room had nothing but a singular king size bed in the center of the white painted room, a bathroom attached with a shower, toilet, and sink but no towels.

“I know you’re fucking crazy, I don’t need you trying to hang yourself or some shit. Frances will bring you one if needed but one of my men will be outside the bathroom to ensure you don’t try anything. Take it or leave it.” 

Begrudgingly you tossed your belongings onto the bed, Tommy pulling out a cigarette in the process, glossing the tube over his plump lip.

It was all settled then. You’d head out first thing in the morning.

When the following day arrived you awoke to Tommy busting through the door, causing you to jolt upwards reaching for your weapon that wasn’t there thanks to his stupid rules.

“Artillery Square. It’s 8:01, you’re late. Get dressed. I want you to see how they operate.” 

Ripping the blankets off the bed, Tommy tossed you a change of clothes, black pants with a black hoodie marching your darkened personality.

Huffing, you looked at him expectedly awaiting for some privacy to which he rolled his eyes as if he hadn’t seen women nude before.

Closing the door he waited outside for you.

The car drive consisted of etching out a plan. Tommy knew they were following behind him and informed you of where he had weapons set up on the different floors and railings outside. Why did he have to plan everything and be serious? Didn’t he like risk taking every once in awhile, so utterly boring.

“Stay close.” The men had taken a different turn probably in hopes of throwing Tommy off but that wouldn’t work.

Passing by civilians he motioned for them to go inside that danger was near. They wasted no time in auietly running up to their rooms in fear, fully knowing that whenever a Shelby was around, trouble always seemed to follow.

Turning around Tommy realized you weren’t behind him anymore. Huffing and scanning the area he found you sitting on the curb of the sidewalk next to a bakery petting a stray pup with a croissant in your hand, as if there weren’t italian men scattered throughout Birmingham looking to complete their vendetta.

In a powerful stride he walked over to you, gripping the small of your wrist angrily and dragging you along with him.

“Hey! Y’know what your problem is Tommy? You’re so uptight all the time, jesus relax every once in awhile.” Rounding the corner, he shifted and slammed you against the alley wall effortlessly, causing your creamed croissant to fall to the ground, pissing you off.

“Really! That croissant was the only good thing going in my life, it gets tiring constantly being spied on and not being trusted y’know.” His hand struck you across the cheek, causing your head to whip to the left from his harmful blow, smacking against the brick wall.

“Ow! What the fuck Shelby!” Your stomach bubbled with fury, arms flailing and hitting his rock hard chest trying to fight back against his strong hold. 

“Listen to me alright? This isn’t some fancy fucking get away. We had an agreement, so stay hidden before you blow our fucking cover or I will take you right back to the fucking coppers and have you readmitted, Got it, eh?” She giggled menacingly, rolling her eyes from the masculine, testosterone fueled facade, not at all intimidated by him. If anything a little turned on by his threats and the chokehold he had you in.

In a quick, swift movement you giggled before raising your knee and striking him directly in the ball causing the older Shelby to hunch over in pain.

“Lay a hand on me again and I will drown you in your fucking sleep. Got it?” You snickered sarcastically, smiling at the feeble position you put him in.

“Now, let’s get back to business and set aside the pleasure shall we?” 

The two of you scoped Artillery Square, the block being hing with sheets and laundry around every turn while innocent civilians were inside the homes they rightfully owned.

Enough people had died from these fuckers, children included and Tommy refused to have any more unnecessary blood shed. 

Hearing footsteps from behind, Tommy motioned for you to follow him in the building. The empty hallways eerily quiet as bystanders were crouched in their rooms hiding beneath tables, fleeing to corners and shielding their children.

All of Birmingham knew the Chagrettas were in town and what a black hand meant. The italian Mafia had been a profound problem back in the state of New York, innocent lived being taken just for being in the same vicinity as who they were after.

Quieting the worrisome families, you raised a finger to your lips with each passing room, ears and eyes at the ready to think fast.

At that moment a bullet richoeted through one of the windows, hitting a metal wall and flying up toward the ceiling shattering a light bulb connected to a ceiling fan.

On high alert, Tommy whipped you around toward the other side of the hallway, pushing you forth by the low of your back. Birmingham wasn’t a place you were completely familiar with but Tommy knew these streets and buildings like the back of his hand.

“Go! Go!” As windows shattered, you held your bat at the ready, looking to fight as Tommy instructed you where to go, but you had plans of your own.

Instead you turned around, walking back out toward the parking lot where the gunfire was coming from.

“Where the fuck are you going?!” You shrugged your shoulders, glancing back at him daringly while batting your eyelashes.

The need and want to see Luca’s face again after so long consumed you but Tommy was faster.

In an instant he thrashed your body down onto the floor, saving your head from a bullet that would’ve went right through you skull.

“That’s enough. Save your fucking anger for later. If he sees your face he will be a step ahead. So just fucking listen to me!” You groaned from the tumble, slamming your hand on the floor in frustration.

Days turned into weeks until you were face to face with the man.

Hiding in a room, you filed your nails carelessly listening in on the conversation, awaiting Tommy’s cue.

“You can sign the papers on your fucking knees.” The intimidating man pushed the papers off the table, the contracts scattering across the floor in a whimsy manner. When Tommy still didn’t move, still didn’t speak it angered Luca immensely, causing him to flip over the table in fury.

“Sign the fucking papers.” Tommy’s crystal blue eyes never left Luca’s in fact he found his little performance quite hysterical. He simply smirked, attempting to hold back his laughter. 

“All of your blood relatives are gone Mr. Changretta. The men behind you will work for whoever the highest bidder is and well how the turned tables have turned.”

“Is that so?” When he turned around to face what were once his men, they stepped back with the guns in their hands fully aware of the plan Tommy had implemented.

“A friend of mine once told me big fucks small. So I had to find someone bigger than you. Someone whom you crossed years ago and has been locked up ever since. You see I did some digging as well.”

Coming out from the shadows, bat ready at the hand. You didn’t like guns as much, bullets were too much of an easy kill, you wanted to see him suffer. Tommy winked your way causing Luca to spin around only to be met with the brunt force of the wooden object against his skull.

At that moment Tommy fleed from his kneeling position, pulling his gun out to finally end this yet you stopped him.

“Allow me to do the honors. Boys stand down, I’ve been waiting my whole life to kill this piece of shit and oh how I want to see him suffer the way I did.

Luca fumbled to get up, a few of his teeth now lying on the floor while blood trickled out from his mouth like a river flowed down a winding stream.

The man jumped at you, spitting blood on your face. Oh how you loved a challenge.

In one powerful swing, the bat banged at his knee, shattering the bone completely leaving him once again on the floor writhing in pain. 

In that moment a flashback of your childhood rushed to your head. Remembering the moment you eere cowering in the corner of the kitchen floor, scared and terrified of this man who had just killed your entire family, leaving you an orphan.

You began to beat him relentlessly with the bat, blood splattering on your face as his face became deformed from the brutal blows.

When you began to cry hysterically, Tommy slowly walked to your aid pulling you into his warm embrace carefully, rubbing your temple soothingly as you welt into his shoulder. The motion was unexpected to say the least.

“He’s dead now love. He’s dead.” Your fist scrunched in the fabric of his shirt, tears forming a puddle on him as you tried to relax. He nodded his head motioning for Pol and Michael to leave the room. To make light of the situation, Tommy decided a joke was necessary which was rare.

“Seeing as this wasn’t your vendetta alone, do you mind if I-“ His hand settled on his gun, and he waited for your agreement.

He emptied the chamber of his pistol onto Luca’s body before escorting you back to his home. 

Offering you a glass of whiskey, he took a seat beside the fire nodding toward the chair beside him and pouring a glass for you.

The fire crackled in the darkened room, a comforting sense of relief after the strenuous events of today.

“Y’know you and me make a pretty good team, don’t you think?” Tommy smiled softly, something he hadn’t done in awhile.

Quirking his eyebrow, he pulled out a ciagrette, passing one to you before lighting the tube of tobacco.

“I guess you can say that.” There was a moment of silence before you stood up from your seat, walking slowly over to Tommy and straddling his lap. Your plush lips just centimeters away from his as your fingers intertwined in the strands of his hair. Your ass grinding down on his lap.

“Now that I’m a free little bird now, I don’t know about you, but I’m in desperate need of some stress relief. What do yuh say Tommy boy?” His hands placed on your thighs, he lifted you up effortlessly taking you by surprise and carrying you into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

[catherinekal]

Giant Fucking List of Obscure Video Games I Recommend!

It's finally done!! Took me long enough, but here it is. Over 50 games I recommend. Just in time for the Steam Sale. Holy shit I spent way to much time on this.

Some of these are well known to anyone into the indie/AA gaming scene or just on the internet often, but I still felt the need to mention in case people haven't heard of them. All of these are obscure compared to any AAA game and I'm confident no one would have heard or played all of these.

They all have something I found interesting in someway. I was going to include a trailer for each game, but apparently Tumblr doesn't like that. So I have put a link to a Youtube playlist for all of them in the same order as this list. Some of these games are also on various consoles to, but I can confirm they're all on Steam beyond one.

I only picked games I've played personally. I know of many other good obscure games, but haven't tried or bought them yet so they don't get on the list. Also many games on this list remain unfished to me, but that's more due to time and other life shit then them getting bad.

There's a lot of fucking games In this list so hopefully you find something you've never tried before and give it a shot. All these games are on Steam with one exception, but that's a free game. I also organized them by genres that make perfect sense to me.

Trailers Link:

The Best Game Ever:

Outer Wilds

Fuck it let's just start with the only mandatory game on this list you need to play. You know how nearly every space game is a overpromised underdelivered fucking mess? Like all of them.

Outer Wilds is the actual good one. Don't want to say much more then that. This is very much an experience that you need to know as little as possible to get the best experience. Not even linking the trailer in the playlist.

Absolutely play this game if you had to pick only 1 thing on this list.

EarthBoundLikes:

OMORI

OMORI is a game about a group of kids who go on magical adventures and save the day. That's it. Nothing else sinister going on here.

It's a well known indie game and for good reason. It's fucking good. One of my favorite games of all time.

Art style is peak. A mix of pixel and pencil drawn art that works so damn well for me. The battle system is turn based and revolves around changing emotions and teamwork. It mixes a happy child like vibe with a darkness underneath it, which is right up my alley. A tale of trauma and grief. I'm still fucked up thinking about some story bits in there. 

All the characters are wonderful and the story is helped a lot by keeping it focused on a small group of friends.

Play it.

LISA: The Painful and LISA: The Joyful

LISA: The Painful/Joyful are a pair of games that fuck. They fuck hard.

They're morbid, tackle many taboos, and have a dark but also stupid sense of humor. The visuals are nothing groundbreaking, but this isn't a game that needs perfect pristine pixel art. The combat system is a lot of fun, but takes very clear inspiration from Earthbound. The story is just perfect though.

You play Brad whos on a journey to rescue his adoptive daughter who was kidnapped in a post apocalyptic world of only men. You meet the strangest allies and the game has a lot of odd characters in it. Want a lawyer fish in your party? This game has it.

It does not shy away from throwing punches and is not for anyone who can't handle a story that tackles themes of abuse, depression, suicide, and more. The game also has a sequel I don't want to say to much about, but it's absolutely worth it as well.

If you want a fun and fucked up 2D RPG adventure and somehow haven't played this then please do so.

Mandatory Metroidvania Soulslike Indie Game Darlings:

Ender Lilies: Quietus of the Knights

Ender Lilies is the first of many metroidvania's on this list. The indie scene is filled with them and for good reason. The formula works so damn well.

What I love about Ender Lilies is the concept of the player character. You play a white priestess who is also a child and helpless on her own. However, you can summon the spirits of allies and slain enemies to fight for you and those spirits are all your attacks. Gameplay is the same as any other Metroidvania, but knowing I'm this helpless child in this world infected by blight really sells me on the setting.

There's nothing revolutionary to this entry in the pantheon of Metroidvanias, but the visuals and setting are why I recommend it. This game is a slow descent into hell. Also you do get a big heavy hammer attack and any game with a big hammer weapon attack is a good game. Big bonks.

Craving a Metroidvania with a macabre setting? This will do it.

GRIME

GRIME is something else. I don't hear anyone talk about this game and it's a damn shame. I don't even know how to even describe GRIMEs setting. You play as essentially a sentient black hole on a rock body. You go through, with lore slowly revealed as is the Metroidvania stable, and absorb your enemies.

This games aesthetic is best described as fleshy stone. It's very unique visually and what made me want to try it out. As for gameplay you'll need to learn parrying as this games combat system heavily relies on it.

This game surprised me and has a entire level I never expected with one very unique boss to top that off. Also be warned. This game is very much a platformer as well. Similar to how the Ori games are, not just pure combat challenges. If you like your metroidvanias with little to no platforming then you won't enjoy parts of this game, but nothing as difficult as things in Hollow Knight.

If you enjoy metroidvanias then this is a must play. More people need to talk about it.

Salt and Sanctuary

This is where it all started. Certainly not the first Metroidvania by any means, but the first 2D Soulslike Metroidvania or at the least first advertised as such. The devs intended to make Dark Souls in 2D and they did it. Before Hollow Knight, the games listed above, or so many others that took inspirations from Souls in the 2D world, was this game. I know this game was popular with the souls community as it came out, but I don't really hear about it anymore. Hollow Knight just dominated all discussion.

The controls and combat are very much Dark Souls but in 2D. The lore is cryptic and hidden away. There's a fuckton of weapons and spells and multiple playthroughs worth of stuff. The game is hard though Hollow Knight would easily one up it in terms of difficulty.

This game also has covenants that are actually good and the mechanics around them are vastly improved over any souls game that has covenants. I won't go into detail, but I wish the souls games copied this games mechanics for that.

The setting is high fantasy with the lovely dark bloody horror underneath it all. The art style can turn people away, it's not as pretty as other 2D souslikes, but I enjoy it personally. It fits.

The game has a lot to explore and you can get lost in its world pretty easily. I remember walking into a boss room from the exit somehow and got behind the boss and it was all intended if you navigated around him.

If you can appreciate or just get past the visuals and want to see where the 2D soulslike genre began then you should play it.

Metroidvania's Before the Dark Age of Soulslikes

Dust: An Elysian Tail

Long ago there was a time where Metroidvanais didn't have soulslike mechanics defaulted in and set in these bleak post apocalyptic worlds. I have 3 of them to recommend. Starting With Dust: An Elysian Tail

This is a fun little game. A game that I'm not sure many people know about or would think to play today. Metroidvanias pre Hollow Knight tend to get forgotten when I see people about them now. It has a mix of platforming and hectic combat. I remember the game having a cool spin sword attack with a even cooler aerial attack. I liked it a lot when I played it many many years ago.

The art style is colorful and everyone is an anthropomorphic animal. More games need anthropomorphic animals beyond catgirl or rabbitgirl, seriously I grew up on shit like sly Cooper and Ratchet and Clank.

You play as Dust and are accompanied by Fidget. you got a magic sword and you kill a bunch of shit while saving the day. Just a fun little Metroidvania that doesn't overstay and go on forever.

It may be dated in some ways, but if you're a fan of these types of games and want to play a older one then here you go.

Guacamelee!

The combat in this game feel great. Another little forgotten gem of a Metroidvania. It has such a unique style to it and has a fun cartoony vibe. It's pretty fucking great.

You play as a farmer who dons a luchador mask to save his friend he loves and the world being taken over. The combat is a mix of punches, kicks, and throws which is unique from the usual swords and magic these types of games tend to default to. As the game goes along enemies will have shields that need certain moves to break and you'll be switching from the land of the dead and living in combat and platforming.

Both this and Dust before it don't reinvent the genre or anything, but have their own unique charms that I recommend them both if you're a fan of Metroidvanias.

Cave Story+

This is a old classic. The original Cave Story came out in 2004, and was released with a enhanced version in 2011. This is a must play Metroidvania and an old gem. It's the oldest game on this list technically.

This game has little to no melee combat, but instead goes all in on using guns. More Metroid then Vania in that sense. What's unique to the combat is enemies will drop experience that will level up your guns automatically. Each gun can be upgraded to 3 levels, but when you take damage you lose experiences and levels. This adds a extra layer or rewards and punishment to getting hit that I like. Your weapons are perfectly usable at level 1 so it's not like you're fucked, but it gives a greater incentive to avoid damage.

It has fun characters and and fun gameplay. It's a genuine indie gem that I think everyone should play.

Pixel Action Adventure Games With A Dash of RPG Elements to Taste:

ANNO: Mutationem

This game is a pixel art cyberpunk adventure. I adore the art style. It's a 2.5D action platformer set in a futuristic setting. You're on a quest to save your brother with the help of your hacker friend/girlfriend. A quest which leads to a far more complicated story.

The story in this game goes off the rails in ways I love, but I know it threw people off. People have compared the latter half to Evangelion and It can be confusing to follow at times. I still highly recommend it, even if you get lost near the end. A simpler story in terms of Lore would have worked better, but I say fuck it. Go all in.

To me the appeal of this game is the setting. A fascinating cyberpunk sci-fi setting shown through wonderful pixel art. Just walking around the various cities was a joy on its own. There's a lot of attention to detail and I think it's worth playing for that alone. Combat is your standard side-scrolling Metroidvaniaish kind of stuff with various weapons and upgrades and all that. I found it a little challenging at times, but this isn't a game meant for extreme difficulty from what I remember.

If you want to play as hot badass woman in a cyberpunk setting given life through detailed pixel art, then this is the game for you.

CrossCode

This is the most dense indie game on this whole list. CrossCode has so much to do. The game is expansive and slowly drip feeds you with more. You have 5 skill trees, 4 of which are tied to an element, multiple upgrade paths in them. You have a mix of melee combat with twin stick shooter mechanics thrown in. The game has multiple dungeons with puzzles that are both difficult to figure out and then execute the solution for. These aren't like a 2D Zelda dungeon where things never get to complicated, I really took a lot of time with every dungeon.

The setting takes place on another moon physically, but its actually all virtual and a MMO people are playing from all over the galaxy. Though the game itself isn't a MMO really. You play as a set character in a set linear story that's unrelated to that actual in lore story of the MMO. 

The characters are fun and the setting is a joy to explore. There's a lot of side content and I don't remember any of it being a drag. This games also challenging and I know It took me a bit to progress at various points. The pixel art is very detailed, especially with the outdoor environments.

This game will keep you engaged for a while and there's challenging DLC and even fun incentives to play new game plus. This is just all around a solid game experience.

Hyper Light Drifter

I played this game a long time ago so details are hazy, but I know I really enjoyed it. It's top down and filled with action. You got a sword. You got a gun. You go kill things and I do remember many challenging combat encounters.

I have forgotten all story elements, but even now I still remember some imagery that reminded me of Evangelion, which is always a plus. Though story was never the main draw to games for me so the setting and combat were all I needed to keep engaged.

Not the most descriptive review of the game, but I know this is one of the furthest game on this list from when I played it and I only went through it once. It's a cool game though and if the trailer enticed you then you owe it to yourself to get it. 

Phoenotopia: Awakening

I adore this little hidden gem of a game. If CrossCode is the most dense indie game on this list then this is a very close second. Possibly even more dense, I truly can't decide for sure. It's cute, funny, charming, and full of legitimate challenges.

You play as Gail who lives in a small town village. Some shit happens that I won't give away, but you end needing to travel the land and go on a fun adventure. The story is full of comedic and lively characters. It never takes itself to seriously or gets really dark which Is a nice change of pace.

This game really is an adventure. You will travel a lot and get very familiar with any hub area. There's secrets and puzzles packed all over and gives you good reason to revisit. A nice drip feed of progress is felt as you unlock more stuff.

In terms of combat it's bar far the most simplistic on this list and could even frustrate others, but like everything else in this game it has charm and I adore it. The simple mechanics don't mean no challenge though. I was stuck often, but felt so satisfying when I won.

Some of the late game areas can be bullshit and will frustrate you, but stick with it. This is a genuine top tier hidden indie gem that got no attention. Honestly just under Outer Wilds this would be the other must buy. Absolutely play this.

Vampire Survivorlikes:

20 Minutes Till Dawn

Everyone knows about Vampire Survivor and everyone knows many games came out that tried to capture that style of gameplay. This one is the only one of those I've played and it's wonderful.

You unlock multiple characters and multiple guns with various upgrade trees. Kill the horde, survive, upgrade, survive even longer. Each level only takes 20 minutes, hence the title. I appreciate that as the game would never end with how strong you end up being by the end after you learn the mechanics.

This isn't anything groundbreaking, but if you need to kill half a hour then it's a fun thing to play.

Hawklikes:

Umurangi Generation

Let's fucking go!! This game rules!

As someone who is going to pursue photography more seriously as a hobby this game is perfect. Unlike something like Pokemon Snap or games with photo modes, this game really captures the feeling of holding a physical camera and the moment to moment decisions you make with each shot.

You unlock different lenses and control each shot as you would a real camera. After each photo you can edit it on the spot purely for your own creative reasons. The visuals are low poly and very colorful.

The game has a tony hawk style of progression. A hawklike if you will. You get dropped in a level and are given a list of photos to try and take. You can of course take photos of anything. You have a limited amount of film and can find more throughout the level.

Also there's a story. There's a dark undercurrent to the whole thing and the game is very overtly political in all the right ways. Don't like politics in your games? Fuck you! This game dives right in while still maintaining the core gameplay loop. Need more games like this please.

Please buy this game and it's DLC.

Action Games:

Furi

Top tier action game. It's a boss rush game, that's it. 10 bosses with some vague story that briefly connects them. It's not bloated with bullshit and knows exactly what to focus on.

The combat is a mix of intense melee combat with parries and dodges and the like, with twin stick shooting. No upgrades. No farming. No choosing between this weapon or that. No additional moves or mechanics. You fight a tutorial boss which teaches you everything and then you go. You have the full toolkit from the start and that lets you master it slowly over the game.

It's so fucking satisfying finally winning and knowing you improved and earned that win. I like the story as well. It's not that complex, but the ending bits worked for me.

If you want a genuine good action game that has no bullshit attached then get this.

Amid Evil

There's not much to say about this one other then it's really fucking fun. It's a first person action game where you use magic and weapons to go through combat filled levels. You have health and mana that all weapons use outside of your axe. The levels are filled with secrets, you move fast, and it's just a fun action game.

Sometimes a game isn't more then that and it beats games that are stuffed with unnecessary mechanical bloat. If you want a fun first person action game that's not just a full shooter then this is the game for you.

Adventure Games:

The Cat Lady and Lorelai

I love these games. No one ever talks about them or knows about them and they will certainly linger in your mind. The devs have made 2 other games that I have yet to get to so for now I am recommending only these.

Play The Cat Lady first. It's the first one and tells the story of a very depressed middle aged woman who gets a second chance at life, at a cost.

Lorelai is about a young woman in a very abusive household trying to survive while seeing what lengths she will go to save those she loves.

Both these games revolve around deals with a devil and feature a lot of horrific violence. Fun!

The stories in both evoke a creepy disturbing feeling and you're always on edge. I won't say these are straight horror games, but they sure use horror imagery. The art style really helps sells it. The animations or character models may not be the most beautiful thing around, but it has that indie charm I love. The voice acting isn't perfect either, but these aren't negatives for me. These are passion projects and imperfections are what make any piece of art shine brighter. Real people put their soul into these games and it shows.

The gameplay is standard adventure game fair, but all keyboard controlled. So no endless mouse clicking everything on the screen. which works wonderfully. Though being pure adventure games you're here more for the story then the moment to moment gameplay.

Please play these.

Detention

Detention is probably well known due to the controversy with Red Candle Games other game, Devotion being wiped online for shitty reasons. It's available now on their own websites store, though I still have never played it. I should one day as Detention was pretty fucking good.

The gameplay is the usual 2D adventure game fair. A lot of clicking and puzzle solving with some horror thrown in. The story and setting are where it's at though.

The game is unique in that it's made from Taiwanese devs and the games setting is rooted in their cultures history. I don't want to give away any real details beyond that, but it certainly left an impact and seeing a game not set in Europe, America, Japan, or any fantasy equivalent to those was refreshing. The games also not super long and could easily be beaten in a day.

Go buy it. Play it on a long free night. Support these devs.

Rime

I love the aesthetic of this game. Cel shading indie colorful goodness. I got this for the visuals alone and was very happy the game that came with it was good to. Visuals are a major factor in me getting interested in a game and the reveal trailer was enough for me to play it.

It's very light and cryptic on story for most of it as to be expected from this kind of game. You're a kid, you wake up on a beach and go forth exploring. You solve puzzles and hide from danger and go through each of the unique levels trying to piece together whats going on.

Like the game before, this isn't a super long one. Shouldn't take more then a day or a few to get through it all. Though I do recommend you take your time and explore like I did. Let yourself be immersed in the setting.

This is another example of just a pure perfect indie game. Doesn't overstay it's welcome, tells a simple but cryptic story, and has lovely visuals.

Atominous

This is the one of the few games on this whole list that I would say is truly obscure. In fact I have no doubt this is the most obscure. If you're big into indie games then nothing on this list will honestly surprise you, but I'm confident this is the exception.

In this free game you place as a a little guy who's job is like pest control. Instead of bugs your job is to collect and protect the world from rare atoms called Atominous. Basically little atoms that can alter reality. You go into a big house and your job is to find them through the power of puzzle solving and clicking every little thing you see.

This game is all about clicking everything. Nearly every object has unique text that pops up, if not multiple. You find keys to open more of the house and slowly suck up the atominous atoms and clean up the place.

That's it. It's a fun quirky little free game that shouldn't take more then a couple hours. No excuse not to try it, it's free. It's also the only game not on steam, but instead here

Adventure Games Where You Hit Things:

TUNIC

TUNIC is a lovely indie game. You play as a little cute fox and go on a adventure to save your poor trapped mom. such a cute game :3

I adore the visuals, I love low poly stuff and the game is full of charm. Looking at this game makes me happy. The game is like a mix of a top down Zelda and Fez and it being reminiscent of FEZ was what really took me by surprise. I won't go further in how it's like FEZ, but it really elevated the game for me.

It's a fun top down game with simple fun combat. You kill enemies, find key items, unlock more of the world, and get fed cryptic lore. The perfect formula for a fun little indie game. The game is decently challenging to with it's boss fights, and overall a nice fun little experience with some neat surprises.

TUNIC is wonderful, go play it.

Kena: Bridge of Sprits

This is the most PS2 game I've played since the PS2. I mean that as a compliment. This game felt like going back in time to a simpler time.

Visually the game is not at all like the PS2. The visuals are beautiful and has been compared to Pixar. It's bright, colorful, and well polished. To me this is peak aesthetics. This game is worth playing just to see all the work that went into the game's visuals alone.

It reminded me of a PS2 game because it's a self contained fun third person action adventure. Just a fun game with no bullshit holding it down or any other purpose then being a fun adventure. The world is a joy to explore with a nice steady progression. I especially love how the Hub is mostly corrupted and you slowly restore it over the course of the game. Shit like that always feels so good.

There's a lot of unexpected challenge to. Some of the later fights and especially bosses took me a bit to beat. Just like a PS2 game you'll get random difficulty spikes that are so fucking satisfying to beat.

I highly recommend this game.

Adventure Games Where You're in the Desert:

Sable

Sable is a coming of age story presented in a very fun interactive package. This is a game about heading out into the world and exploring on your own whim to figure out what your character becomes as an adult.

You play as Sable, a young adult girl who has to leave her tribe and head into the wider world to discover herself. The goal is to find mask which representative a life path and pick one by the end. The actual game is about heading into a desert open world, solving puzzles, helping NPC's, and discovering what bits of hidden lore hide throughout. You do this all on a hoverbike you can customize as you unlock more parts.

As always the art style is important to me and this game has something really unique. The characters animation is low framerate and it can be off putting to some, but of course I loved it as I love any odd creative choice. I love the lighting and colors to. It's hard to describe just why I was so mesmerised by the art style, but I can safely say it's one of my all time favorites.

The only negative goes to technical issues. The game ran like shit on my PC and my PC isn't bad. Even people with far better PC's then me ran into frame rate issues and others didn't have any. Sometimes games aren't optimized well, but this game was so magical to me that I loved it, despite the tech issues.

It's a very chill game. You want to explore a cool world at a slow pace and get lost in it? Sable's the game for you.

It Comes In Waves

This is a short game where you have to start over if you die. A penalty I feared, but truthfully this isn't that difficult of an experience. You start on one end of a desert and have to carry something to the other end as it grows inside a tank on your back.

As you wait for whatever your transporting to grow you will explore minimalist environments with some unique imagery that speaks of a wider history you just have to wonder about. The whole time you have to watch out for raiders and watch your water level. It always depletes and you will need to explore and refill it as you journey on. I also love how you have a map, but the map is like an actual map. It doesn't show you on it, but just the overall area.

This game will take you a hour at best and is unlike anything else on this list. There's something about just slowly walking across the desert, not knowing what's ahead, and hoping you can make it to the next water tank. Just a little experimental game about a harsh journey.

Platformers With 2 Entire Dimensions:

MO: Astray

Ever wanted to play as a little blob? No? Well you should because this game was a hidden gem. I was thrown off by this game at first and then pleasantly surprised by the whole experience.

This game feels like it should be a metroidvania. It's 2D and you're on a broken down ship or facility or something. Nope. This game is fully linear and at first I didn't think I'd like that and was disappointed, but it works so damn well.

You play a slime essentially and you have the magical power to read the last thoughts and minds of corpses by settling on their rotten fleshy head. With this power and other little story tidbits you learn what's going on, your purpose, and so on.

There's no combat in this game really. You move by shooting yourself in any direction you can see and you can stick to surfaces. There's danger. There's enemies. There's boss fights. All without the usual fair of attack/dodge roll, that's standard for 2D metroidvanias now. This game is something different and that alone makes it worth it.

Also a note on the boss fights. All of them felt very unique from each other I prefer having a few well crafted unique bosses then having a bunch of the same type of fight over and over again.

Another genuine hidden gem you should try.

Platformers With 3 Entire Dimensions:

Frogun

Frogun is adorable. It's like a N64 game and I love it.

You have a frog grappling hook and go through little short levels that ramp up in difficulty. There's optional challenges in each one. The art style is absolutely going for that early 3D low poly vibe that is starting to become more popular.

This is a perfect example of just a fun video game for the sake of being a fun video game. No serious story or message or intense complicated gameplay mechanics. Just a cute 3D platformer reminiscent of a older time.

Also I played this back when I used to stream and a Frogun speedrunner showed up in chat and helped me pull off a couple speedrunning tricks so that was fun.

If you want something simple and fun then here it is.

Cyber Hook

The ultimate speedrunning game. You have a gun, a grappling hook, and the ability to slow down time. This is a pure platformer. You enter levels with the goal of getting through as fast as you can.

I never got great at it, but the few times I really got going fast and flew through a level felt awesome. It's so satisfying finally doing things right after many failures and you will fail a lot.

There's really not much more to it. Neat visuals with satisfying and simple mechanics. If that sounds fun to you then check it out.

Marble It Up! Ultra

Platformers really are just the perfect mechanic to make fun mindless games with. Marble It Up! Ultra is another simple 3D platformer that's just purely focused on being fun.

As always it's not that complicated either. You're a marble and you try to reach the end of each stage with a time limit. There's items to stop time, make you jump higher, and go faster. Just all about building up speed and there's tons of ways to skip past parts of levels. Like the two games before, this one is perfect for speedrunning.

It's fun, go buy it.

RPG's:

Roadwarden

I was going to make a big post about why I preferred this to BG3, but scrapped it. BG3 is fun, but the story just bores me from the get go. Where BG3 failed for me Roadwarden succeeded. All story and all fantastic.

This is a text based RPG. Very simplistic visuals which show just enough to let your imagination handle most of the work.

You play a roadwarden who has the lovely job to travel the dangerous roads and help the townsfolk all while working on your greater goals. You pick between 3 starting classes and those do change how you approach things quite a bit. You have a time limit and that will force you to prioritize things over others. You can't do everything in a single playthrough. Your decisions matter and you aren't going to figure everything out.

You have to manage your health, money, hunger, and cleanliness. You will never have enough money for everything and that helps create more interesting choices. You have to manage what you do in a day. You meet a lot of people and forge allies or enemies and it's all told with stellar writing.

If you want a well written fantasy interactive story then you must play this game.

RPG's With Intense High-Octane Turn Based Combat:

Epic Battle Fantasy 5

A long time ago in times forgotten there existed these ancient relics called Flash games. Maybe one day I'll talk about old flash games I was into, but for now I'm only talking about the latest instalment in one of them. Epic Battle Fantasy is a series of games made by Matt Roszak. They started as little flash games, but have since turned into bigger games that are on Steam. 5 is the latest one and also the best so I'm recommending this one.

I've gone through this game multiple times. This game fucking rules. The game is easy to control, satisfying, and has my favorite turn based combat system period. No seriously, this is my favorite turn based combat system. I could go on what I like about it so much, but I'll spare you all most of the details. I'll say it gets rid of mana entirely and put all your abilities on cooldowns which changes based on what you're using. This just fixes balancing and helps you from spamming heals and all that. I love this system. It's easy to control, intuitive to understand, full of options, and can have a chaotic randomness I enjoy.

In this game you explore the overworld, solve puzzles, and fight enemies. The story is not at all serious or anything like that. It may not be a Flash game anymore, but it still has the older internet spirit of not taking things to seriously and being a little juvenile. There's also a lot of post game challenges that still are impossible for me to really do well or at all.

You can change the difficulty anytime and another thing I love is the entire game can be controlled with just a mouse. You can use a keyboard to, but a mouse covers everything which I think is neat.

This is such a wonderful combat system and the game I've beaten most on this list. If you want legitimately challenging turn based RPG combat and don't care about story or characters to get that then this game is a must play.

Shadows Over Loathing

Want a lovecraftian mystery RPG injected with a dose of comedy where everybody is a stick figure? Yes? How very specific, but luckily there's a game just for you.

Shadows Over Loathing is a turn based RPG where you search for your missing uncle in a area full of strange locations and characters. I never did play their other game West of Loathing, and I was pleasantly surprised by this one. It was a lot of fun, creative, difficult at times, and had a world I really wanted to explore.

It has a lighthearted comedic tone throughout and the silly art and stick figure characters help with that. The actual turn based combat is fun to. Nothing to complicated but could be challenging to which is needed to help this style of combat really shine.

There's really not much more to it. If this sounds like something you'd enjoy then please check it out.

RPG's Fused With A Light Novel:

Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of DANA

AA games still exist! I finally get to talk about Ys. I've played 3 Ys games and I'm going to talk about my favorite one because of the fun gameplay. This is a very unknown franchise that has existed since the 80's and even now the 10th instalment is set to release later this year.

As for why I'm recommending Ys 8, it's because it has some of the most fun gameplay. The combat is fast paced, encourages good timing, and full of that anime over the top stylish action. You control up to 3 characters and can easily switch between them. Each character plays differently and has their own special moves and everything just feels so satisfying.

You play as generic light novel anime man, Adol. Tagging along is generic tsundere light novel anime girl and other light novel anime characters. Like edgy boy with a gun, loli raised in the wild, and blue haired girl. You crash land on a island and have to survive and find survivors. Much like LOST the story goes off the rails and of course in classic JRPG fashion you need to stop the end of the world somehow. Unlike LOST characters are generic and the usual anime fair.

Despite the lackluster story this game still fucking rules because it's so goddamn fun to play. It also solved crafting forever by making it so you can convert common items into rarer ones making anything you find useful potentially. Seriously it's such a nice feature and all crafting systems without it are lesser.

If you want some fun action combat and don't mind anime bullshit then really, check out the entire franchise. Any of them will do, but this is the one I'd recommend the most.

RPG's Fused With A Light Novel and A WW2 Textbook:

Valkyria Chronicles 1 and 4

Picture this. WW2, but with anime and magical girls. Japan just never stops with these incredible ideas.

I adore these 2 games. I haven't played 2 or 3 as those are PSP games and I don't hear great things. However I can confirm 1 and 4 are fucking fantastic.

These games are tactical RPG's where you command troops one by one in missions. Most are usually about capturing a enemy base, but there's a lot of variety beyond that in both of them. You lay out your troops at the start plus your commander who's in the tank. You get a set level of CP per turn and each CP is used to control a unit. The actual game is probably piss easy for experienced tactical game players, but I'm not that at all. I found it legitimately difficult, both games.

What sets it apart is the game turns into a sort of third person shooter when controlling the units. You can freely move up to your AP and get one action to do. If it was just top down the whole time I'd find that not that interesting, but actually moving around and taking cover unit by unit is very engaging. There's 5 classes in the first game and a 6th added in the fourth game. Each class can be upgraded as well along with weapons, equipment, and the tanks.

The stories in both are nothing special truthfully. It's anime WW2 with silly dumb anime characters. I don't mind that and had a lot of fun, but if you can't stand something like Persona then these games will infuriate you. To me stupid anime characters in games can be a lot of fun, like Raz in 4, the dumbest but somehow most entertaining character for me. Expect some silly anime cliches and tone changes and the usual fair for these kinds of games. Even if the story is a big nothing for you, I still think both games are worth it for the gameplay.

Another aspect that I really love is all your units have personality traits that can trigger as you control them. What caught me off guard was that they're both positive and negative ones. There's ones like a woman having man hater and fancies woman as traits, aka the lesbian. There's straight up a guy with misogynist as a trait. Some are lonely, frail, daredevils, have crushes or people they hate, even one with the masochist trait. All these good and bad traits translate into potential buffs or debuffs that can happen in the game.

Sadly these side characters don't get much story in the first game. Just a unique design with some personality traits and maybe a couple in battle lines of dialogue. However, the 4th one introduced squad stories. Essentially little side stories that revolve around the non important squad mates. They were always fun to do and the missions for them are more unique because they are designed around only using those 3 characters.

I recommend both of them, but if you had to play one I'm not sure. 1 has the better story, the overall lore itself establishes in 1, and the gameplay is still fun. 4 has the better gameplay, more unique missions, and the squad stories which were a highlight for me.

Just pick which one sounds more like your thing if you only want to spend the time with one of them. Both are fun.

RPG's About the Harsh Reality of Capitalism:

Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale

I adore this games concept. It takes the common NPC seen in these little RPG adventures, the shopkeeper, and puts you in their shoes. You're father has a big debt to pay off and you now have to sell items out of your house to help pay it off before the deadline.

You lay the items out and then have to haggle your way to a profit. Finding the line of when to haggle and how much is the key to success and I failed miserably. I never did beat this game, but I haven't beaten many games on this list and that won't stop me from telling you to play them. I think the concept alone is enough of a reason to check it out.

The game does have combat as well. You can hire an adventurer to go with you into a dungeon and fight enemies for treasure. I like how you hire someone from the Adventurers Guild, just another cool concept as a typical game would have you play as the character being hired instead all the time. I also like how dungeons are high risk high reward. If they die then you lose most of what you gather and essentially just wasted the day.

It's just a cool concept and a nice change of pace from how a game set in these typical fantasy settings would go. You aren't some savior of the world, but just a shopkeeper trying to pay off debt.

Spooky Games:

Yuppie Psycho

Do you want a game about a corporate building being haunted by dark forces and being a badass fighting your way through it all? That's Control. You just want Control.

Unlike Control which bored me to death after a while. Yuppie Psycho is about a haunted corporate building, but you play a new lowly worker who's been tasked with something far above his pay grade. Brian Pasternack is a new hire who's in way over his head. What should have been a normal corporate jobs turns into a witch hunt, literally.

You aren't a badass and will have to sneak your way to victory, uncovering the buildings hidden secrets along the way. For me that's part of why this works over Control as a effective story. You're kind of a fucking nobody who has to be extra careful and is reluctant to even do this. Far more relatable honestly.

The joy of this game comes from exploring this building and uncovering the secrets and horrors. Each floor is unique and this game gets creative with the corporate horror vibe. I love some of the designs of things and how it blends comedy and horror together. It also has branching paths and even limited save slots which seemed frustrating at first, but wasn't really a big deal. Not saving every chance you can really adds to the tension when sneaking around.

It's not a true horror intense experience, but as someone who is a baby with horror I found a lot of genuine tense moments. It's a real indie gem.

The Complex: Found Footage

Kane Pixels backrooms videos are honestly pretty fucking great. I'm not usually a fan of horror at all, but there's something about these videos that just work for me. Then pgWave decided to make a video game creating the experience of exploring these kinds of spaces.

This is a creepy game where you slowly move through liminal spaces and just sort of get lost in it. There's no jumpscares or anything intense happening, but as a baby with horror this game was tense to go through for me. Honestly I appreciate it's not a more traditional horror game with a monster or something. Just dropped in a space that's inherently unsettling and leaving it up to you to explore.

If you have a free night and want to get lost exploring spaces only games could deliver then play it. It's literally free.

Games Where You Gotta Go Fast:

Distance

This game fucks. I actually remember when playing the first version of this game back when it was a student project. Students at DigiPen made a game called Nitronic Rush and it was (maybe still is?) available to download for free from the schools website. That game fucks and they announced a proper full game called Distance and it was one of the rare instances I actually bought a early access game.

Distance is a car game about going fast as fuck. The levels don't put you against anyone and instead just getting to the end is the challenge in itself. You have a boost that can overheat, a jump, and even wings when needed. The levels will require you to weave in and out of oncoming danger. They have jumps where you'll need to turn the car 90 or 180 degrees to land on a new track. All while giving you a wonderful sense of speed and accomplishment when you pull things off right.

It's not a easy game either and levels will get challenging. There's a ton of levels and challenges and if you get sucked into the gameplay then there's a lot to keep you there. This game seeks to deliver the thrill of going fast in a dangerous track where everything is out to kill you, and making it to the end. There's really not much more to say. It has a specific vision and fully realizes it.

Games Where You Trust the Heart of the Cards:

Foretales:

This game is very unique and nothing quite like what I've played before. The entire game is card based. Each of the characters have their own decks that are all mixed together in your hand. You have 4 resources you can collect, gold, food, fame, and infamy. You can get item cards as well. The board has various location cards you need to move through to move the story along. What's unique about this is the cards can be used in battle or on locations.

It's hard to really go into details how this all works, but you don't have a separate hand or anything for when combat begins.

Some cards have uses in locations and battles and others don't, but there all mixed together which adds to you planning ahead and making the best choice. You can use a eavesdrop card near a guard post to get a juicy secret which can be used for blackmail later. You can forage for food and obviously a forest will give you more then a mine shaft. There's a lot of really cool little interactions and creativity put into this systems that's just to complicated to type out and explain.

One thing I can get into is the best feature of combat. The fact that you can get through it without fighting or with less fighting then needed. Those 4 resources can be used in locations for story or optional reasons, but they can also be used in combat pacify enemies. Bandits can be bribed with gold or food for example. Fame and infamy can be used as well in certain circumstances. They are a constantly growing resource that always have uses. I'm sure it's possible to do a full pacifist run, though I imagine it would be difficult.

The game also has multiple paths for the story to go and lots of optional stuff. Multiple characters to use down the line but only 3 party members so there's more choice as well. Also everyone's an anthropomorphic animal because why not.

I just like how it's a card based game that's not just a battle between opponents or a roguelike or how cards are typically used in video games. If nothing else this game should be played for it's game design alone. If you want a really unique interactive story experience entirely dictated by cards then this is about the only game I know of like it.

One Step From Eden

I'm very bad at this game. So bad I still have never beaten it once. It's really fun all the same though.

It's a deckbuilding roguelike set on a grid. As the formula goes you fight your way through, choosing your path, collecting cards, and seeing if you can win. In my case that's a no.

The game is set on a grid where you have to manage what spells you currently have, dodging enemies, and somehow making sense of the chaos. You can unlock other characters that have their own unique mechanics to help freshen things up. Also the game just throws you in the deep end and lets you learn through playing. No tutorial or anything, just have at it.

If you're itching for a roguelike that's very fucking challenging then enjoy. 

Inscryption

This is another game I expect many others to know about, but if not then honestly just play it.

It's a rougelike card game set in a wonderfully crafted creepy setting. You're alone in some mysterious persons shack forced to play a really well designed card game. Of course if it was just that I'd not be recommending it.

The mechanics are well thought out and slowly learning the mechanics feels nice. You will fail, a lot, as is the case for roguelikes, but keep at it. The game is filled with secrets and puzzles and mysteries that you'll just have to figure out for yourself.

Much like with Outer Wilds way back at the top, I don't want to say much more. If you have somehow not played this or don't know anything about it then you should.

Tainted Grail: Conquest

This is still the only proper deck-building roguelike in the same vein as Slay the Spire. While I haven't played much of that and honestly couldn't get into it, this game I did.

It was described to me as Slay the Spire meets Dark Souls by some poor soul who's brain is forever lost in soulslike hell. In reality it's just a cool deck building game where you fight creepy monsters and slowly build up the village to make each run easier. There's characters to find and NPC quest you can make little progressions on each run. It's just enough story and context to give this game a sense or purpose and progression outside collecting cards.

What added more replayability to me beyond the quest was having 9 classes to work with. In truth it's really 3 broad classes with 3 variations on those broader class types. You have the fighter, archer, and summoner as the broad classes. They use similar cards, but their strategies vary with each subclass. A summoner is more about making their summons powerful, bloodmages use their own life to summon minions that get stronger and die on their own, and necromancers sacrifice their minions to turn into a Lich. The fighter and archer subclasses are as varied and it's a good way to use similar cards across different playstyles.

I had a lot of fun with this one. It's a fun deck building game. 

Thinking Games:

Manifold Garden:

I love the space this game takes place in. This is the shit only games can truly deliver on. The world is basically always looping. Each level repeats in all directions when your in open space. If you fall anywhere, you'll be ok. You can just fall endlessly even, it's very mesmerising and freeing once you get used to the fact that you can just jump off anywhere, and even needed to solve the level sometimes.

The other fun mechanic the puzzles primarily revolve around is the ability to walk on any surface and change gravity as you do it. Essentially you turn the wall into the new floor and is the main mechanic for puzzles in enclosed spaces. This game uses blocks of various colors and the simple task of putting them in the right slot is made complicated by having to altar gravity and matching them up. There's other mechanics introduced of course, but you'll need to discover those yourself.

The game can be beaten in a day give or take your skill at puzzles. I appreciate that it doesn't overstay it's welcome and uses it's mechanics in interesting ways. Also this reminds me I still need to play Antichamber someday.

If you like exploring spaces only games can deliver on or puzzles then this is the game for you.

FEZ

FEZ! This is such a fun interesting little game. It's probably well known given who the creator is, but if you haven't checked this out before, then you should.

The trailer makes it appear to be more a platformer then a puzzle game and that's half right. Similar to another game on this list, FEZ goes much deeper then a mere platformer. It has some esoteric puzzles. As I understand (could be wrong) one puzzle still hasn't been solved legitimately, but had to be brute forced and even now the community has no concrete answers on how you were supposed to get the solution.

The good news is the harder puzzles aren't technically required to just finish the game. You could still enjoy this as a fun platformer. The way the world works is you see the game world on a 2D plane. Like any other 2D platformer. However, the world itself is in 3D and you can switch the perspective to change where platforms and other things are. It's really fun moving about this world and in a sense each level is it's own puzzle to figure out how to get through it with these mechanics.

I highly recommend this game.

Thinking Games for DJ's

FRACT OSC

This is another game I would be shocked if anyone knew about. No one talks about this game ever and I don't even remember how I found out about it wayyyy back in college. This is also the oldest game on here I've played. I haven't touched this is years, but know I enjoyed it a lot.

What i remember is it's filled with music based puzzles. I also remember being very fucking confused and having to look shit up, but the real joy is just the vibe. Everything makes sound and the whole game revolves around music. I slowly explored as much as I could and just took it all in. It's a fun space to be in and I'm a sucker for being dropped in a unusual place only games can delivery on.

If you don't know shit about music production like me you might have a hard time or maybe I was just a fucking idiot and needed help. Either way I still recommend this to everyone.

Vibing with the Beat Games:

Sayonara Wild Hearts

This is basically a interactive album. It's a rhythm game that's not to difficult, which is good as this is more about the flow and vibe. There's not much more to say about it. It will take an hour and every bit is lovely. It's a visual and auditory feast that has some clever ideas packed in. I think everyone should experience it.

Soundodger+

This game won't be on the Steam store for much longer sadly. Warner Bros being shitty and taking cool shit down. I haven't played any other of the Adult Swim games that are being taken down, but I encourage you to find the list and get anything interesting while you still can.

The game itself is a fun little bullet hell rhythm game. The song plays and you are a circle in the middle of larger circle. Obstacles are thrown out into the middle timed to the music and you simply have to dodged them. I don't remember it being to hard, but I know there are community levels and I just have to assume those are going to be tough.

It's a cool game to vibe to and it's going to be gone soon. Don't miss your chance to get it.

Artsy Games That I Don't Know Where Else To Put Them:

The Beginner's Guide

This a narrative experience about the relationship between the narrator and the game dev who's games are being played. That may not sound like the most interesting premise, but trust me it's very engaging. This game has a unsettling feeling underneath it all and it's really hard to go into more without just spoiling things.

The actual game is you going through a series of small little games made by a Dev named Coda as the narrator Davey speaks to you about various things relating to the game and Coda himself. It's explores a character who's frankly caught up in a unhealthy obsession with someone else and quite the journey.

It will only take a hour and half to get through and I think it's worth a playthrough if you like narratives only video games can deliver on.

The Static Speaks My Name   

This is the shortest game on this list. It's also the most depressing. If you struggle with dark thoughts and depression and really need something happy to distract you, then do not play this little free game.

It's a sad and unsettling little experience that has a lot of room for interpretation. I'm a fan of little strange pieces of art like this and if this sounds interesting to you then it's free. Check it out.

Minimalist City Builder Games:

ISLANDERS

This such a cute game. It's a simple city builder where the goal is to keep building things correctly and move on to another island. You start on a randomly generated island and are given a set of buildings and a number to reach. Buildings will get bonuses based on whats near them and as you unlock more buildings the number to reach gets higher.

That's really it. It's easy to understand and a nice little relaxing game about building a cool island town. Pretty cheap and pretty fun.

Multi Genre:

The Hex

This is multi genre because it quite literally has many different gameplay modes packed in it. A bunch of old video game characters stay at a Tavern where a murder may take place. It's a murder mystery! Also so much more.

In truth it's a narrative video game about exploring these characters past lives and revealing a larger narrative underneath it all. This was made by Daniel Mullens who's latest game I recommended earlier. Much like Inscryption, this game slowly draws you into it's setting and drop feeds you it's secrets slowly.

The Hex was pleasantly surprising as I didn't really know what I was getting myself into. It's worth playing.

That's it. That's the list. Over 50 more games to add to your Steam library which means over 50 more games you'll get to, eventually.

[fuckyeahizzyhands]

Rachel Leishman interview with Con O'Neill 22.11.2023

Rachel: Hi, Con. How are you?

Con: I'm very well, Rachel. How are you?

Rachel: I'm doing great. To start, so you've now joined the canon of I guess my favorite thing in TV is when people sing La Vie En Rose, because I loved when it happened in How I Met Your Mother and now it happened in Our Flag Means Death. And I was crying through both times. And so getting to kind of have those emotional moments that I didn't even care that the song didn't even exist, I was just happy it was happening. So getting to have those moments where you have those emotional kind of songs and journeys on a show that is outrageous and fun and quirky what for you as an actor is the joy of getting, you know, get to dive into something like that with a character like Izzy Hands that has had such a kind of arc, especially in Season Two.

Con: I knew he was going to go on a journey in Season Two because David had told me and I will be eternally grateful to him and his brilliant writers because they didn't make it sentimental. They didn't suddenly turn him overnight. They gave him a journey that I could work through emotionally and not feel like I was jumping ahead of myself or I was having to cheat. The song itself... had you asked me for a song for Izzy to sing, I would never, ever have picked La Vie En Rose. And now I can't think of any other song Izzy should sing. So again, that's down to David and also to all those people, my partner and Jenna, who's a friend of mine who just played PF in London, who helped me learn the French, which was excruciating for everyone involved.

Rachel: When I interviewed David, I said to him, I was like, you should be in jail for making me care so much about Izzy Hands throughout this whole season and then just put me in so much pain by the end because it was just such a beautiful arc from beginning to end this season. And I can only imagine as an actor the joy of kind of getting to dive into something that kind of rich, because...

Con: It is joyful, but it was incredibly lonely. I found myself spending a lot of time on my own, a) because a lot of the scenes are on my own, and b) if I wasn't filming, I was learning how to walk in that fucking leg, or I was sword training or I was working out or I was learning French or I was recording. It was a very solitary experience doing this season and I loved every minute of the work, but it was challenging on a whole other level that I didn't really think about until I found myself in the middle of it. And, yeah, I'm glad we did it and I'm glad we respected the character that we've created in Season One.

Rachel: And it is... I like, I really enjoyed because I think Taika's performance as Blackbeard especially. I love how kind of different it is because I'm a big fan of his work in general, but I do think it's very different from everything that I've seen from him. And I love the dynamic between Blackbeard and Izzy because that is something that I think as much as Steed and Blackbeard drive this show, without Izzy's love for Blackbeard, I don't necessarily think that relationship would be as strong as it is. And when you guys kind of have the arc you do in Season Two still cool to kind of have that final moment that we end up getting throughout in this show, for you two as actors to kind of in a comedy, get to have that emotional sobbing moment. You're comedians, but you're crying like having this kind of death scene on a beach. What is it for you two as actors and friends to kind of come to that moment where you're like, hey, we're still actors at the end of the day, but we're going to be sobbing on a beach over these two characters?

Con: You know what? I love working with Taika. I love acting with Taika. And Taika is a world renowned Oscar winning writer director actor, but he doesn't nearly get the plaudits he deserves as an actor. And the death scene in particular, I was dreading it because it's massive. And we were going to shoot it in the last week, at the start of the week, then the middle of the week, then the last day was going to be the morning of the last day. And then it ended up being the last thing we shot in the entire shop. And when you're filming something like that on the ship with hundreds of crew and the whole cast, and we're getting towards the end of the day and there's a lot of energy, and then suddenly it was just me and him. And if he hadn't given that to me, I was fucked. But he just held me in it and everything else disappeared. And we just trust the writing and we just do it. And he's a fucking awesome scene partner. There's a lot of good actors in that show, a lot of fucking great actors. But in that moment, I've never felt more collaborative and more trusted and more held than I have in probably my entire career.

Rachel: And you said collaborative. A show like this is kind of the joy of it, is that there are so many characters and it is such a collaborative show as a whole. And I think that's why fans love it as much as we do, because it's such a family unit. And for you as an actor, what is the kind of draw for you to a show like that that is so much a group of actors and comedians that are all kind of together, all on set, working as a unit?

Con: I'm a sporting actor. It's what I do. I like to work with an ensemble. It's how I do my best work. And the cast are sharp, witty, intelligent and also wonderful actors. So it's a no brainer for me. But also the show's... show is about love, and it's about queer love. And it's a show we should have been making a long time ago. It's a show that appreciates its audience and it's a show that is kind and none of our violence in our show is ever ever aimed at anyone for their gender or their sexuality. And we should be making queer of shows like this more. And that's what drew me to it. And when I saw... I was on set, when the boys in the first season, when they filmed the 'you wear fine things well' scene, and I watched it being shot and the beautiful performances and the beautiful dialogue and the way that it was being shot was exquisite. And I suddenly realized not only were we in this pirate show, but we were also in a romantic, queer love story that wasn't going to not be romantic. And I thought, there we are. That's it. That's what people are going to plug into.

Rachel: Yeah. Thank you so much for talking with me. This show means so much to me and people that I know and love. So thank you for talking with me.

Con: My pleasure.

Rachel: And I want more seasons of it. I love it so so so much.

Con: Thank you so much. Rachel.

Rachel: you have a great one.

Con: Take care. Bye bye.

[127lovegalaxyperson]

I AM STARTING AN WELCOME HOME THEORIES (YAY)

due to my hand cannot draw bc too painful, so I start some theories

well.........since I cannot get into the welcome home page(idk why),I got to the welcome home wiki and check sth

(I like MUSIC AND ARTS,so it might be related to them)

the reason why I do this is because of these

Warning:mostly about the relationship between Eddie and Frank but THIS IS JUST A THEORY OF MINE

IN ARTS

the welcome home character's favourite colours

Wally-red

Sally-orange

FRANK-YELLOW(I cannot find the colour )

Poppy-green

Howdy-teal(I cannot find the colour )

Barney-blue

EDDIE-PURPLE

Julie-pink

(I capitalize Eddie and Frank bc my theories related to them)

I suppose everyone (artists)may be familiar with this

This is a color wheel

if you guys notice Frank's and Eddie's fav colors

they are the opposite side of the wheel

this is called an opposite color (ig,my art teacher taught me but I forgot the name) ,meaning that they aren't meant to be tgt

For example:red is opposite to green and blue is opposite to orange(you can see it on the wheel)

so I have been thinking........Frank and Eddie aren't meant to be tgt but they do love each other (the giveaway is that Clown uses "Esperar pra Ver" by Evinha to describe the relationship between Frank and Eddie and in that time,LGBT was forbidden so they separated them in the workshops ,but Clown sometimes shows their relationship outside of the Welcome home page)

and if you look up the personalities of these two favourite colours:

Yellow was meant a joyful,*kind* and had a funny sense personalities

Purple was meant royalty, full of passion and imagination, great in art(creative),*but the personality is quite sensitive so it's quite hard to know their true personalities.*

the personalities in these colors that they liked were meant to be each other.

Eddie is a helpful, kind person (in yellow)and he is great in arts and crafts(this is in purple which some of them represented his personalities )

Frank always frowns but if someone becomes his frds(like Julie ),He showed them a warm,KIND and quite JOYFUL(in yellow) personalities(and you can say he HAS a funny sense for A PAIR OF SOCKS), just like the description in purple as well(meaning that he is quite sensitive to show his true personalities to anyone but his friends)

They packed up each other's missing personalities (For examples:Frank's sensitive personalities (no offense)matches the purple personalities which was the only thing Eddie didn't have,Eddie's ultimate kindness (I know Frank might have but not as much as eddie)matches the yellow personalities which Frank MIGHT not have that much)THEY ARE LITERALLY LIKE A PUZZLE WHICH IS A PERFECT FOT FOR EACH OTHER

Eddie and Frank cannot not be tgt in the Welcome Home cartoons (just like the opposites of yellow and purple) but they would always love each other as in a relationship(fixed each other's missing colour personalities ) and this might be a unfinished love story due to the cartoons actually showed their love for each other(not that obvious )but we all know that something might happened to Eddie in the next update,just continued to be the opposite sides for each other like yellow and purple.(Frank actually sang a song which is a metaphor of him being alone in the end,meaning that Eddie won't be with him anymore)

In music

I IMMEDIATELY PUT ALL MY LOVE ON THEM ONCE I KNEW THEY COULD PLAY DIFFERENT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS INSTEAD OF JUST RANDOMLY SAY THEY PLAYED PIANO,VIOLIN OR STH.

what the Welcome Home character's played

Wally-mostly none but he will play the drums just for fun

Sally-singer and a concert conductor

Frank-Bassoon

Poppy-vibraphone

Howdy-triangle

Barney-trumpet and trombone

Eddie-violin

Julie-saxophone

these aren't actually a great group of musical instruments when it comes to group tgt as an orchestra (tbh,I would wonder how Sally will do and conduct music with these instruments, I tried but failed) .For an example, in Eddie and Frank,they won't be a great duet between those two instruments (they might but when I tried to find ONLY those two tgt,I only found a few)

At first I didn't pay much attention of these,but I might have watched too much Game Theory during these time which made me think of sth--does this actually meant about their friendship at the end.(Eddie was underrated and ignored,almost being controlled by home if it wasn't for Frank's help while Barney bullies some of the cast in welcome home,Frank began to sent help by sending videos for us to know about what happened in it,Wally is already being controlled and maybe something will happened to Julie due to the next update was related to her) their relationship almost like the instruments they played now-- some of them were not always matched or played well tgt.Their great relationships they had is beginning to corrupted due to Wally was in 'the control of Home'(I thought about that),making me feel like they are not the same as the original ones in their cartoons

'BUT HEY!THAT'S JUST A THEORY! '

-Game Theory

who knows what might happened in welcome home in the future,this is just a theory of me,a person who only watches the homepage by watching others watching it,theorize it.But through the Welcome Home Wiki,I would never actually made these in the first place.By knowing what happened and the fun facts in it,not all of the people will actually ended up searching clues in the wiki lol

[toreadorcaretaker]

ventrue whump where they’re forced to feed on rats send ask

I went absolutely wild over this and made it really sad and disgusting. Thank you for giving me good emetophobia exposure lmaoooo | Image Sources: One | Two

Summary: After the Primogen seize control of LA, their Ventrue representative tortures LaCroix for disgracing the clan. He is force-fed poison in the form of rats. But an unexpected friend is on the way to help...

TW: vomiting, fever, starvation, forced to live in dirty conditions

It wasn’t enough to depose Sebastian LaCroix.

It wasn’t enough to see him executed through the proper channels, on his knees and begging for his life until the very last.

No, the Ventrue Primogen took Sebastian’s offenses a little more personally, as a fellow clan member. And of course, Strauss obliged in letting him handle LaCroix himself.

LaCroix was dragged into a dungeon in the sewers, just before dawn on the night the scarcophagus was taken from him. The night he lost everything. It was a bit of a blur after that, probably because he was trying to block out the memories of how he’d pleaded and fought, of trying to stand and being kicked down again, and again, and again... But he did remember a great deal of talk about how he had “disgraced us all” and how every shred of his own dignitas would be stripped from him in turn. It was restrained enough, in its way. No prolonged torture. Just the cell door closing above him with a rattle of keys. There was no reason the execution had to be anytime soon, the Primogen had informed him. He had plenty of time to rot down here.

At first, there was time to rage, to cry, to plot revenge. But after a few weeks, desperation took hold in earnest. He was in so much pain he could hardly think. His veins ached from the inside out with growing hunger.

But it always could (and would) be worse.

One day, there were clicking boots down the corridor. Idle, lighthearted, accompanied by joyful humming.

And there was a faint squeaking. No. He couldn’t be bringing…

A rat. An enormous, filthy, foul-smelling rat appeared around the corner, clutched in one gloved hand. Sebastian’s captor appeared next, grinning wickedly. They stared at each other for a long moment before he swallowed and forced himself to speak. “What is…you don’t mean…”

“Oh yes. Dinner is served.” He held the deplorable thing through the bars, wriggling and squeaking, and didn’t move a muscle. Sebastian just recoiled from it.

“Twenty-three days you’ve left me down here, and the first word out of your mouth is an unamusing joke. Lovely. Now bring me something that’s not poison.” The thought of being expected to eat that thing was already making him nauseous.

The Primogen just kept up with that maddeningly smug expression. “Traitorous rats get what they deserve. You are what you eat, after all.” He dropped the rat onto the dusty cell floor, where it scrambled away through the bars, seizing the freedom that Sebastian was denied. “Not hungry? Pity. You’ll look so gaunt at your execution.” He began to turn away.

“Come back at once!” LaCroix shouted after him, his voice rising in volume to follow the man down the corridor. “You want to talk to me about disgracing us? This is completely unbecoming! To play with a former Prince this way, like it’s some idle game to you! Torturing a political prisoner without due process! Your own sadism has run away with you! Can you possibly understand what I've done for this city? This is the behavior of the Sabbat! A SABBAT! Do you hear me!?” There was no answer. Sebastian let out a wordless noise of frustration, somewhere between a grunt and a scream. He sunk to the floor, and was mortified to find himself wishing he’d made a grab for that rat before it could skitter away.

The worst part was that the Primogen had been right. He would look gaunt at his execution. Absolutely ravaged, in fact. His beautiful suit was absolutely destroyed – coated in dirt and torn from being thrown against the rocky ground. His hair hadn’t been combed in weeks. And he could feel the cracks in his bloodless lips, could feel his veins collapsing on themselves. He was so thirsty, so hungry… he’d already gone days without a proper meal before everything unraveled. He’d been too preoccupied, pacing all day and night with nervous energy, sensing the oncoming storm but powerless to prevent it. And now, the hunger was so intense it deepened the cold in his bones and resonated against chilled, damp draft from some vent system up above. The former Prince clutched at his own arms and shivered. He’d never felt more like a corpse.

The next feeding time, just twenty-four hours later, wore out his patience. At the presence of a heartbeat, any heartbeat, his instincts took over and he snatched the rat right out of the Primogen’s hand, sinking into it like a drumstick and gnawing furiously.

The taste was absolutely rank. It shocked him so much that he remembered himself and managed to drop it, stumbling backward away from its hideous scent and setting his jaw tight in an effort not to give this asshole the satisfaction of seeing him vomit. But it seemed he didn’t want to leave until he’d seen a show. He laughed uproariously and bent down to stare at LaCroix where he’d doubled over on the floor. “Dear me, is it not edible to you? Poor thing. Unfortunately, you no longer deserve food.”

Sebastian shuddered but held his ground. Breathe. Breathe. Don’t be sick. Think of nice things. His warm bed up in the penthouse. A fresh Marlboro just before sunrise. The Primogen’s head on a pike.

The Primogen tsked in annoyance and finally walked away. Sebastian exhaled in relief but had to hold his breath again immediately to keep from retching.

If the blood did him any good, he couldn’t tell. The nausea eventually faded, but his stomach hurt terribly, and his body broke out in fever. He spent the night pulling his coat closer around himself and cursing the mistake. If anything, he seemed to be worse off.

The second time, he couldn’t keep it down. Again, his body acted without permission, overtaken with frenzy at the sight of food, and seized the rat at once. But, further weakened this time, he vomited immediately, clinging to the bars for support. Tears of effort and humiliation coated his face. He couldn’t look at the Primogen and kept gazing into the far corner until the bastard was done gloating and left.

It was difficult to say how many times this happened. The Primogen must have decided this was an enjoyable game, because he played it nightly. It was always the same. He’d hold out the rat, Sebastian would take it, and he’d suffer the consequences, whether or not he kept the blood down. He could feel the poison working against his body. He no longer paced around the cell, merely huddled in a corner, too weak to move. The poison of the Primogen’s words worked on him too. He had disgraced the Ventrue name, hadn’t he? He had failed. He deserved this, much as he may curse the man for giving him exactly what he deserved. If he’d only fought harder, gotten to the sarcophagus faster… he tried to push these thoughts away over and over, but they always came back. He couldn’t last long this way – soon enough, torpor would take hold. It would probably be a mercy.

Sebastian had come to expect sickness whenever footsteps descended the stairs. So, when he heard a slightly different gait one night, it took a moment to register.

Once the familiar wave of dread wore off, he realized these sounded like heavy combat boots. “Who’s there?” Instantly wary, he struggled to his feet but just swooned back against the wall again, trembling from the effort. He glanced around the cell, realizing what an absolute mess it was, the dirt floor covered in rejected blood. His clothes were no better. Damn it all. They were probably coming to take him to his final death, and in this state too…

It was, in fact, the only possible visitor worse than that. A white T-shirt and jeans and an ugly denim button down hanging open. Grizzly muscle and a shit haircut and cheekbones too chiseled for marble. Nines Rodriguez.

He took a long look at LaCroix and whistled. “Jesus…Fuckin’ Camarilla. What did they do to you?”

Sebastian answered his pity with a glare. “I ca – “ his voice rasped almost enough to make him inaudible and he had to try again. If there had been any blood left in his body, he would have blushed furiously. Why couldn’t Nines be trying to behead him instead of staring directly at the red stains on his collar? “…I can’t imagine what concern of yours that might be. What…how can you be here of all places? Have they already sunk so low as to ally with the Anarchs?”

Thankfully, Nines demanded no further information. “Gettin’ weapons.” He pulled out the ring of keys the Primogen had carried. Sebastian noticed it was dripping with blood. “You’re ‘weapons.’”

“Pardon me?”

“You want to put Strauss through the Venture company paper shredder for whatever happened here? The rest of ‘em too? Well, let’s do it. Common enemies and all that. Don’t worry, I’ll still kill you after.” The door swung open. Open. The door was open. But Sebastian couldn’t move. He opened and closed his mouth, wondering how precisely to convey to Nines that he couldn’t walk at present without dispelling the illusion of his own usefulness.

Nines swore again. “They really did a number on you.”

Sebastian bristled. There was absolutely no need to dwell on that. “What, do you think you’d look any better if you were in my place?”

“No, I just – look, shut it for a second, I’m just trying to think what to do. Wish I’d brought blood bags, but they’re back at the base. I didn’t think it would be this bad, but…” he shook his head, resigning himself to something. “Listen, this is about to be a bad time for both of us.” He bent over LaCroix, who tensed away from him. With unfathomable alarm, he realized he was about to be scooped off the ground.

“Don’t!” he hissed, “You can’t! I’m – “ disgusting. Revolting. Unworthy even to be touched by an Anarch. And the Anarch was equally disgusting by his very nature. Which of them, he wondered, would really sully the other more?

“Pipe down before you get us caught.” Nines did hesitate though, long enough to take off his jacket. He wiped the blood and sweat and dirty tear tracks from LaCroix’s face despite yelps of protest, and then wrapped it backwards around Sebastian’s chest like a blanket. The denim wasn’t the softest, but it was intoxicating, suffused with Nines deep into the fabric…with the scent of his blood…blood that wasn’t rat blood, and smelled so rough and musky and…

“Hey don’t pass out on me, okay? Prissy fuckin’ Prince… I can't believe they managed to rough you up even worse than I would've. That's truly creativity. Come on, one, two, three…” And, lifted in the arms of the Anarch leader, LaCroix’s new life began.

[townofcadence]

I'm really grateful for the people who've made this space feel so amazing and fun to be a part of. Who've interacted and reach out and talk to me and make me feel like they want me around.

For a while when I first got back on tumblr, it was really hard; I had a few people who interacted with me before follow me to this OC blog, but I was pretty much starting fresh. I struggle a lot with my depression and anxiety and even just the usual insecurities, on top of a handful of other chronic health illnesses that make things really hard and painful in general. And for a long while, I was fighting the constant impulse to stop bothering and just leave tumblr again. It wasn't anyone's fault, mind you! I was just painfully lonely and struggling to feel connected or interesting enough or a good enough writer. When I started out, I had many interactions die very quickly without a word after a reply or two, both ooc and ic. All of that is fine to a degree, because tumblr isn't life, it's a hobby, and i totally get things like neurodivergence, exhaustion, forgetfulness, health, work, or anything else that really can impact being available and interaction! But the volume of times it happened was enough I started wondering if it was me, because there was a pattern that was widespread. I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. That maybe there was a reason, and maybe I wasn't worth talking to or playing with? I know I can come on strong, and be very overaffectionate, which doesn't always resonate with people, or might be too much and offputting. Which isn't indicative of anyone. But it's another way I sometimes can be a problem. So my brain started using my bullshit mental health against me. I did really start getting in my own head and letting the worries kinda eat at me to the point of feeling like vanishing wouldn't change anything at all. The worries are still there of course, but I feel like I have made some changes for my health, and quite a few friends and connections, and that make it easier not to listen to them. I feel a lot more connected! There's more back and forth. I have so many two way streets, which I really do think is where friendships get made, because I feel like people want to talk to me as much as I do them. I can reply to things and have a short talk, or we can chatter in rp tags, or even in IMs and stuff! And I separated from the spaces that made me feel I didn't belong, or stopped putting my energy where it wasn't valued, since I already have such a limited supply. I've also made some changes in real life that haven't fixed things for me, but have helped me improve in incremental ways and I think that's helping too. But honestly, I love seeing others on my dash and sending them things, and learning about their muses, and I love that people seem interested in mine too. I can have extensive conversations with a a lot of you at our own leisure. I feel like people at least want to write with me, even if I still don't always like the quality of my responses or think they're the best they could be. But we're still writing and making stories and even if not every reply is perfect, the important thing is we get to build those connections and have those moments that become a part of our muses history together! I love seeing them become friends or fight or bond in all the ways they do! I love getting to see everyone's creativity and the amazing things they make! I'm kinda just rambling to ramble, but the people here mean a lot to me and I just-- I'm here because of you guys, and I'm happy I am, and I care you very very much. I love you! And you have made me being here a very joyful thing that I look forward to each and every day! Each and every reply!! Thank you so much <3

[postoctobrist]

Hi, Alice. I know this isn't really your usual sort of ask, but seeing you talk so lovingly to people just beginning to work out their gender feelings has made me feel sort of melancholy because I feel like I'm on the opposite side. I've been out for almost a decade, I'm coming up on seven years on T and I just kind of feel like I've lost the joy in being trans. I'm dealing with some health stuff, probably related to my hormone levels but as yet undetermined, which has basically eradicated my ability to have any sort of sex life (this is on top of other, much more long-term chronic illness). I might have to start taking estrogen as well which is terrifying the absolute shit out of me even though I know intellectually that taking a very low dose won't have any of the effects I'm afraid of.

I feel like a walking embodiment of the shit TERFs say about how taking hormones will ruin your life and fuck up your genitals. I'm utterly broken down by the relentless transphobia of this shitty fucking island. Sometimes I scare myself into thinking that I want to detransition, even though I know I wouldn't be happier as a woman, but god damn, when I think about that hot little 18 year old lipstick lesbian I was a decade ago it makes me want to cry. I don't know how to feel good about my body anymore. The days of feeling excited about playing with my gender expression feel like they happened a thousand years ago on Mars. The semblance of 'community' I had before COVID sort of disintegrated and I'm still mostly too riven with COVID anxiety to get it back. I'm very sorry for dropping this enormous shedload of feelings on you but I guess I just don't know how to take joy in being trans anymore.

I've been there - sometimes I am there. As a community, we're pretty good at getting people through the early years of transition, but after that you're supposed to just be good, which might be fine except that all the other parts of life keep going. Not only does transition not solve all your problems, but you keep getting new problems and they're all weird - my top left rib pops in and out of place a bit when I sit down now, it's great. We don't have a good set of ways for talking or thinking about aging, including for cis people. And on top of everything else, the world is getting harder and hotter and more bigoted and we survived a fucking pandemic. But: we survived a fucking pandemic. And we survived all the other things. We're tough, tougher than anyone gives us credit for, including us. Under the circumstances, we're doing pretty good. So that's the first thing: what you're feeling is normal.

Second part: is that feeling helpful or realistic? I don't think that it is. You can't know that you'll always be unhappy with your body, or that you'll never rebuild community. I don't believe that people can be ruined. Okay, you can't go back to being 18, and that's painful, but neither can cis people and they get upset about it too. And 18 year olds are really annoying, imagine being one.

All in all what I'm getting at is that stuff happens to us, like it does to everyone. We took an uncommon step to enforce the correct version of ourselves on the stuff, that's all. And you don't always have to be happy or picture-perfect about it, you don't always have to love it. But if that version of you is the right one, I suggest there is something there beyond joy. The joy can be beautiful, but time has given me the chance to understand my transness as a solemn, clear declaration of myself.

And that joy can and most likely will come back. Even if you have to find new things or think in new ways, inshallah we will all get our joyful moments. Despite everything.

be courageous when the mind deceives you be courageous

in the final account only this is important

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Do you have any suggestions on dealing with nostalgia? I’m INTP. Throughout my childhood, there had been a couple of relocations of my family and up to this day I’ve never felt deeply connected to a certain place.

Whenever I think about the past, I would be struck by nostalgia and a deep sense of sadness, as it seems I am never able to keep anything around me. My old toys are discovered to have been stolen (actually they just disappeared and nobody knows why so my parents assume that they are stolen) when I got to return to my old home years after; just like my relationship with my father that grew so distant before I even realised.

I know I could never possibly regain that pure joyfulness in my childhood but it pains me to think in that way. I can’t even remember any experiences in detail except once I was shaking the curtain on a decent morning, and sunlight fell on the scattering dust, making it seem like a thousand tiny fireflies dancing in the air. When I try to grasp these memories, I feel that they are like a dream that fades away too quickly, leaving me with only fragments of it.

I am afraid that my whole life will be like this as well, I couldn’t leave anything behind even after my death, nobody will remember me and my existence will be washed away helplessly by the waves of time. It does trigger me a bit when I’m told that these memories are insignificant stuff that died long ago, and they are of no importance or value. It’s definitely not true. They are like the foundation of my existence, the connection with my past self, and I couldn’t just forget them and remove them from my mind, no matter how small or scattered they are.

I do reminisce on other past events, however I can usually just accept that past is already past and move on. None of them hurts me as much as my childhood. I think this whole thing is about tertiary Si and I could get myself to stop thinking about it when I’m redirected to other ideas, so it doesn’t affect my daily life much, but it shoes up in my head when I see/think of key words that remind me of my past or when I feel down. I’m sorry for dumping all the existential crisis here, I could easily spiral into pessimistic thoughts when I try to talk about my past. I don’t think I’m ready to develop my Si at this point so should I just put it aside and focus on Ne first? Thank you in advance for any guidance.

In addition, simply out of curiosity I’d like to ask: Does inferior Si encounter similar problems as well? How would it differ from tertiary Si?

----------------------

The past isn't insignificant. You're right, it's an important part of you and it has played a crucial role in making you the person you are today. Trying to deny this fact isn't helpful and can make nostalgia haunt you even more.

The kind of nostalgia you're feeling seems to be about loss or grief. It is usually a sign that you are not happy with the person you are today and/or the life you're living today - something is missing. The mental trap of unhealthy Ne-Si is to get lost in "what if" speculation. You start thinking about how you or your life could've turned out better "if only" the past had been different. This is unproductive rumination, not because the past is insignificant or should be dismissed, but because you're taking the wrong lessons from it.

What is the nostalgia communicating to you? E.g. It's very important to feel rooted and connected to the world around you; don't take important things for granted; be a part of the world so that you don't feel as though you have never really existed; etc. The right lesson to learn is to do more to root and connect yourself to the world starting TODAY, so that you don't feel the same sense of loss/grief about today at some point in the future. In other words, don't keep making the same mistake again and again of not fully cherishing everything in your life while you still can. When you're able to successfully exit that vicious cycle of regret, nostalgia will bring you warmth rather than sadness or grief.

Feelings should be accepted and understood. Once you really hear them and listen to the message being communicated, they will no longer haunt you. Trying to convince yourself that feelings are invalid doesn't work because feelings don't respond to reason. Feelings only care about whether they have succeeded in making you care properly for yourself. Until then, they won't shut up. Perhaps you should read the articles about emotional intelligence to learn constructive ways of responding to your feelings.

With regard to the last question, stack position is already explained in the study guides. Nostalgia is a universal feeling, but different types experience it for different reasons. Stack position changes the purpose of the function, so tertiary Si creates nostalgia for different purposes than inferior Si. E.g. The former would be an alert about a troubling lack of Ne development, whereas the latter would be about the need to correct Ne extremes.

[experimentalmadness]

Quiet Safety

Summary: Astarion isn't one to offer selfless comfort, so when he does for Tav the very action takes him by surprise. Maybe love doesn't need to be spoken to be known.

Come get y'alls free hurt/comfort, folks.

You can find more of my fic here!

***

“This is hardly the place to wander off on your own.” Astarion sauntered up to the dismal, gray clearing. 

Eidel practically jumped out of her boots. He had caught her alone, under a dead, black tree. For a moment he thought she had been meditating, but she was only looking up at the moon. Ever enchanted by the cosmos. 

“Oh! You scared me,” she let out a thin, gasping laugh. 

“What are you doing out here?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

Eidel’s reply was swift and very much a lie. She looked uncomfortable as she shifted cross-legged on the ashen grass. Astarion decided not to call her out on the obvious, he had many ways to uncover her secrets. He sat down next to her, close enough that their legs touched. “Not hoping I’d follow you out here and you’d get me alone, were you?”

It was becoming easier to tease her when he knew full well she had never desired anything sexual from him. The blush that dotted her mottled cheeks was always a sight. “No,” she said before realizing how that sounded. “I mean! Not that I’m not pleased! To see you!” she stuttered before giving him a peck on the cheek. 

Astarion caught the slight wince on her face as she pulled away. “Something the matter, darling?” He asked, affecting the tone of casual indifference. 

“Fine. You should go back. I’ll be along.”

He frowned. Her words were clipped, strained—unusual for her normally ever cheerful, joyful voice. “Trying to get rid of me already?” He didn’t truly want to press, but it had been some time since he had been able to manufacture time alone for them. And as they drew closer to the city he needed to solidify her bond to him. He pushed aside the pang of guilt as those big eyes widened in sudden panic. 

“No! I’m not! I—” she raised her arms to wave off his concerns but as soon as she managed to arch her shoulders she dropped them. This time Astarion was able to read the wince for what it really was: pain. 

“Darling, are you hurt? Let me see.”

Eidel scrambled up and away from his touch. Before he could peel back the coat from around her shoulders. “No, it’s nothing like that.”

“No sense in putting on a brave face when we have healers aplenty at the camp,” Astarion shrugged.

But it was hard to ignore that desperate crawling look in Eidel’s eyes. That familiar look of being hunted. She reeked of fear, he could smell it in her blood. He tampered down the very sudden, outrageous urge to offer, of all the things, comfort. It would be the smart play no doubt, but the decisions didn’t come from a place of calculation. He…ached, at the pathetic sight of her. 

“It’s…it’s an old injury. Sometimes it hurts. That’s all,” she said, weakly trying to rub at her shoulder. “I don’t like to bother anyone with it.”

“Well at the very least, will you sit back down? You’re acting like I’m about to bite you. And I promised to only do that if you asked me nicely,” Astarion smiled, patting at the empty space beside him under the tree. 

It took a moment, but eventually Eidel resettled. “Now,” Astarion said. “I believe I may be able to help, if you’ll let me?”

“Help? How?”

Her confusion wasn’t some ploy. She seemed genuinely nonplussed and by proxy so was he. He always was when it came to her. Astarion repositioned himself so that Eidel was sitting between his legs with her back facing him. He placed his hands on her shoulder. She was stiff as a board. Frozen, he realized. “Eidel, darling,” he whispered in her ear. “Trust me.”

“I do,” she said. “Just promise me you won’t take off my clothes.”

His stomach twisted at her words and he hesitated, giving her head a comforting kiss before realizing he had done that without thinking. “Only this coat, but other than that, you have my word.” 

She nodded and slipped out of the ratty, gray coat leaving her in only her equally rustic tunic. He’d have to get her something finer in the city. Why…had he thought that? 

Astarion once again placed his hands on her shoulders. “Relax,” he ordered gently before massaging the stiff muscles. He could feel how tense she was, and through the thin fabric the pads of his fingers felt the rough, raised markers of scar tissue. 

After a few minutes, perhaps when she was satisfied this was all he was after, Eidel finally uncoiled, a whimper of pleasure spilling from her mouth. And what a sound that was. “Astarion! That feels…so…”

Not quite how he imagined he would have gotten her to cry out his name, but it was satisfying nonetheless. “I know,” he teased. “I am rather good.”

She laughed, and the sound was almost as satisfying as the name. When he worked his hands lower down her back she melted into him. He was silent for a time, listening to her little sighs and whimpers. But when she cocked her head back he saw a tear stain on her cheek reflected in the moonlight and he stopped. “Eidel?”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Eidel wiped at her eyes. Why was she apologizing? “I’ve never felt anything like that before. It was…nice.”

“Sometimes you say such things, my sweet,” Astarion shook his head, resuming the massage. “They make me wonder where exactly you came from.”

“You have so many names for me,” Eidel said, and Astarion knew when someone was sidestepping a question. “I had none and now I have more than I can count.”

“None?” Again, the things she said.

She was quiet once more, drawing her knees up to her chest. “I never had a name,” she said so softly Astarion wondered if he had imagined it at first. “I… I’d rather not talk about where I came from, but I escaped. Months before the nautiloid found me. On my first real day of freedom I heard a woman calling for a child named Eidel. I saw her go…running up to the woman. Her mother, I think. And the woman scooped her up and held her so tight, spinning around and around laughing as she kissed the child’s head. I didn’t know what any of it was at the time. I just…it all looked so wonderful. I wanted it so badly.”

Eidel turned around as Astarion’s hands fell away. “I’m sure you think that’s all very foolish.”

He did. Of course he did. Of course he should. But he had so many questions from the little she had revealed. Escape? Freedom? No name? Eidel didn’t look to be in much of an answering mood; however, so he let his own imagination run wild. And he did not like what he was capable of conjuring. No wonder she had been such an easy mark. He needn’t have worked half as hard as he had. 

But just now, she didn’t feel like some mark. Something called to him in those mismatched eyes of hers. He wanted to kiss her, stroke her hair, hold her, tell her stupid, genuine things like how extraordinary she was. How she hadn’t deserved whatever life she had led before. But what in the hells would that get him? And what if he wanted nothing in return anymore? A far more frightening thought.

“Even if I did,” he said, finding it difficult to keep control over his tone. “You would never expect me to say so, would you?”

She smiled and burrowed against him, arms going about his waist as she rested her head on his collar. “You’re wonderful, you know?” she sighed. “I feel…that is you make me…safe. I’ve wanted that for so so long, Astarion.”

Safe? He was the one person she was the least safe with. 

He couldn’t do this anymore. He cupped her head to his chest, fingers tangling in her already wild hair. Selfish as ever. She was giving him everything and what was he going to demand in return? A possible suicide quest. She shouldn’t be anywhere near Cazador or his siblings. Once upon a time she’d have made excellent prey. He didn’t want to think of that—how trusting she was, how sweet, how unfit for a liar like him. 

“Eidel.” He should tell her now. Tell her how he had been playing her, manipulating her, and how for the first time he wanted no part in that anymore. How maybe, just maybe, they could start over and be something real. 

“Yes?” she asked, laughing a little at the sound of her voice being muffled against his shirt. 

But what if she didn’t want that once she knew the truth? What if she looked at him with those trusting eyes of hers as he broke her heart? One more victim in a long line of victims. 

“I…you know I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.” 

Eidel nuzzled against him playfully, a mock apology on her lips as she kissed his chest. Her heartbeat echoed into the hollow space between Astarion’s ribs. 

Tomorrow, he decided, he’d tell her the truth tomorrow.

[oigimi]

arthur’s sequel - chapter 1

Translation notes provided at the bottom. Any text in italics is from a flashback. This process takes awhile but I’m re-falling in love with Arthur cuz of this. Pls enjoy!

There was a crescent moon in the sky the night I traveled from the Louvre Museum to 19th century Paris. It’s as if it was laughing at destiny itself…

I reminisced about it, and about my visit. I had experienced the worst encounter with “him,” and also the best love.

Arthur: Ah, you’re a good girl, so don’t act violently. Don’t be so rude and indulge in me. I’ll take care of you if you do.

With his vampire fangs peeking through, he uttered a nastily sweet whisper.

The flirtatious playboy mystery author, Arthur Conan Doyle. Even though he was the one I should’ve been the most cautious of, I became naturally drawn to him. He was like a gentle breeze caressing my cheeks.

Arthur: Well, MC. Why don’t we wager?

MC: Wager…?

Arthur: Whoever is first to kiss the other loses. When I win, I plan to capture every part of you. Your body, your heart, and even your destiny.

When we were together, it was so much fun I felt my heart soar. But the game of love was so painful it tightened my chest. Before long, I got to know the Arthur behind his smile, and the dark past he hid.

Arthur: I won’t kiss you. I can’t. Because if I want you, you’ll be gone. Isn’t that right…?

I’ll always be here for him. I want to protect Arthur, who smiles fleetingly, and his heart that is truly so kind and beautiful, no matter what.

A strong, irresistible feeling overcame a cruel fate. And…

Arthur: I can’t think of anyone else who makes me as obsessed as you. You’re the only opponent I’d ever want to lose to.

MC: Then will you let me win our game of who can make the other happier?

Arthur: That’s…

Arthur: Sorry. I won’t lose there.

Beyond the time where we weren’t supposed to meet – we’re still playing these happy games, even now.

--------

Since choosing to live in this world, several seasons have passed. I saw my colleague in his butler uniform at our meeting place, and trotted over.

MC: Thanks for waiting, Sebastian. I bought everything!

Sebastian: Thanks for your help, MC. I’ll carry the heavy bags.

I thanked him for so casually offering, and walked alongside him. The Parisian streets were bathing in sunshine, and lively with working people and energetic children all coming and going. As I felt my mood and movements lighten in the atmosphere of it all, Sebastian looked at me and tilted his head.

Sebastian: You’re in a good mood. You’ve been smiling for a while now. Did something good happen?

MC: Actually, the owner of the produce shop gave me some really nice apples as a bonus because the other day we helped his child find a lost toy!

But it wasn’t just the apples that made me happy. The owner also said, “Please also say thank you to that detective gentleman.” I’m gonna tell him as soon as I get home. I’m sure he’ll be so happy. Just imagining his expression makes me joyful myself.

Sebastian: I see. Well that solves the mystery of the apples I didn’t intend for you to get. So it’s a gift for playing detective?

Sebastian: …No, it’s not even playing anymore. Our great detectives are just as good as Sherlock Holmes!

The chiming of the bell tower mixed with our laughter.

Sebastian: Oh, is that the time? We need to get back to the mansion. Shakespeare is coming over to visit Vincent today, so I want to show some hospitality.

MC: Oh, uh… Sorry, I realized I forgot to buy coffee beans. Please go ahead home, Sebastian.

Sebastian: Will you be okay by yourself?

MC: It’s still daylight. And things are different from when I first came here. Leave it to me!

With pride, I split from Sebastian…

(At the shop)

I’d fallen into quite the pinch.

Man: Well, well, well. I’ve defeated this young woman. Now how are you going to pay me?

Playing cards were scattered across the table, and the man sitting across me had a nasty grin on his face.

I was fooled!! He was just pretending to be a shopkeeper!! When I went to buy the coffee beans, he said, “If you can win now, you’ll get a bonus! Come on now!” He greeted me with a smile, and before I knew it, I was entrenched in a betting match. I was careless, but I’ve been getting better at deception…

MC: I don’t have money. But you were cheating, weren’t you?!

Man: Oh? You’re going to whine now? Ha!

MC: Ah!

I threw my hands up, scared of his furious expression. At that moment…

???: Hey, stop!

A voice light as wind hit my ears, and I looked up.

Are you coming to rescue me at a time like this?

Arthur: Yoohoo, MC~

-------

MC: Arthur!

Arthur slammed his hand down on the table to block the man, and an arc drew on his lips. When I saw his always-relaxed smile, my whole body, which had been stiffened, was relieved.

Arthur, I hadn’t expected you to come…

Arthur: It’s quite easy for you to get caught up in these situations, isn’t it?

MC: Sorry, I was trying to be careful, but…

Arthur: Don’t worry about that now. We need to get out of this pinch first.

As he said that, Arthur sat next to me. The man glared daggers at the sudden intrusion.

Man: Hey, man. What do you think you’re doing butting in like this?

Arthur: Alright, here’s my conditions. You and I are gonna play another round. If we win, we get the full amount offered. If not, we’ll pay ten times the amount.

Arthur: Well? Sound good?

Man: What?! Ten times is a lot! Alright, fine. Let’s do it.

With that grin on Arthur’s face, I could tell he had a trick up his sleeve.

MC: Arthur, please be careful. This guy’s a cheater.

Arthur: Mm~? Oh, there’s no problem here. I have a goddess of victory at my side, and she’s got your name.

MC: Joking at a time like this…

Arthur: Don’t worry, MC. Don’t you trust me?

His eyes were an unwavering blue, like a glass ball. They pierced right through me, and I...

[CHOICE OF 3: I picked “Arthur’s got this.”]

MC: Of course I do. You’ve got this.

Arthur: That’s what I thought. I can’t show you my lame side anyway!

Even through his joking words, I began to relax. Things were going to be okay. Arthur and I laughed a little bit as we locked gazes.

Encouraged by Arthur’s reassuring presence, I also looked at the man head-on.

Arthur: Well isn’t this quite the development! I’m getting a sense of deja vu.

Man: Huh-?

Arthur: Nothing to do with you. Alright, let’s start the game.

The battle finished in the blink of an eye.

MC: Pontoon!

Man: What?! You’ve gotta be kidding-!

Arthur: And just like that, we’ve won.

Just like in the past, we triumphed brilliantly.

---------

Free from that man, Arthur and I walked in the evening streets, side by side.

Arthur: The shopkeeper reported him, so I don’t think we’ll ever see him again.

MC: That’s good, it saves others from getting caught in their trap. Thank you so much for your help, Arthur…

MC: But I can’t believe you had such good timing. Did you happen to be stopping by the store?

Arthur: I suppose it just happened. I was on my way to the publisher to talk about my new book.

Even in this time, Arthur continues to write under a pen name. He gets more popular every time he releases a new book, and even has been getting requests for serialization.

Arthur: And then I remembered you were shopping in town, and decided to visit the store you frequent. Aaaand bingo. Everything was fine up until you got in trouble.

He remembered the store I always go to. There’s his keen observation for you. Seeing my impressed face, Arthur grinned and looked at me.

Arthur: It really was like old times. Remember? When you were trapped in a game of pontoon?

MC: Of course! Yeah, I remember too.

That was way back when I first fell into this world. Arthur helped me when I was in trouble then, and he did it again today.

Arthur: MC, do you need my help? If you ask for it, I’ll give it to you. What do you say?

MC: Arthur… please help me…

Arthur: Mm, okay! And if I win, you need to do what I say.

MC: I was so relieved when you came.

I still thought of Arthur as dangerous and flippant back then. But now, it’s a treasured memory.

MC: Well thank you again, Arthur. You really are my hero.

Arthur: Your hero? Well, that’s just the biggest compliment I could receive.

Uttering it so quietly, Arthur gave a soft smile.

Arthur: Well it’s a golden rule as a hero to rescue my love in need.

MC: Ah! Well from now on, I’m going to be a lot more careful. I need to be more vigilant, and a little more suspicious of other people.

As I reflected on my carelessness, Arthur raised his eyebrows.

Arthur: I wish you had a way to protect yourself. Your virtue lies in your ability to face people straight, because you don’t doubt others.

MC: You think so?

Arthur: I know so. I fell in love with your pure and beautiful heart.

My heart trembled a bit, presented with Arthur’s true and honest feelings like a surprise attack.

Arthur: You’re my one and only. The girl I want to protect more than anything. And that’s why I always will. So you can always smile, MC.

--------

Arthur… My cheeks, growing warm, must’ve been dyed even redder by the setting sun. As I failed to control my swelling emotions, a cold rain began to fall on my cheeks.

Arthur: Ah, I thought I could smell rain. It actually did start. Let’s go, MC.

He took out and umbrella and opened it. Holding out one hand, he invited me into a gentle embrace.

Arthur: My apologies, I only have one umbrella.

MC: Thank you Arthur! Ah, I’m remembering again. When you saved me the first time, it rained that night too, didn’t it?

Arthur: That’s right. Even the weather is the same! Today’s the day to stroll down memory lane!

That time, Arthur gave me his umbrella and we parted ways for the night. But today, we are lovers, walking shoulder-to-shoulder under the same umbrella.

MC: Ah, Arthur! Did you know in Japan we call this “ai ai gasa?”

Arthur: “Ai ai gasa?” What’s that? Is it like a lovey-dovey umbrella?

MC: Lovey-dovey? Pfft… Ahaha!!

Arthur: Hey, why is it you’re the only one who understands? Haha, you’re so cute.

MC: Sorry. It’s cuz it’s a silly conversation between lovers. The meaning of the words is a little different, but it means the same in the end.**

I looked up, and a soft kiss touched my lips instead of the cold rain.

Arthur: Then what’s a lovey-dovey umbrella?

I pretended to poke Arthur in the chest and couldn’t help but grin like an idiot. I wished days like this would last forever. With the man I love more than anything else in the world next to me, life is just so dazzling and dear to my heart.

But the destiny awaiting us was about to make a huge move...

-------

Translation notes:

**ai ai gasa (相合傘) is a trope in romance media where two people in love share an umbrella. I think the joke here comes from Arthur calling it “raburabu kasa” (ラブラブ傘), which isn’t really a term, and literally means “lovey dovey umbrella.” I think this will be better explained in the official eng translation lol

Most of this is stuff we’ve seen before (like damn MC, two times at the shop?). I tried my best to not do a literal translation of everything and give the characters their voices I pick up on in the jpn and eng versions, so I took some creative liberties so it’s nicer to read.

[soars22]

Jumping was easy, in the end.

Pac was used to being alone, to losing everyone he loved. Standing on his own was difficult, but he had managed it. He can’t regret the hours he spent searching for his chaos bow, not when holding it serves as a necessary reminder that he can do things on his own. He’s his own person.

Just him; just Pac. He’s strong enough to stand on his own.

But losing Richas feels like a bridge too far for him to cross after everything. He’s already lost Fit and Ramón. He’ll always have Mike, but his best friend is moving on, growing up. It’s a loss of a different kind and hurts all the more for having no definitive end. He only just got Richas back and now-

And now.

His Richas-his nene-is leaving again. It’s on his own terms, but it’s still leaving, and Pac-

He’s so tired of people leaving him.

So he jumps. He’s not proud of it, exactly, but he does it anyway. And it’s not like it’s his decision alone, which almost makes it easier. Pac may be on his own, but he won’t die that way. He’s never wanted to be the last man standing.

Jumping is easy, in the end. So is falling, as long as Pac doesn’t think too hard about what comes after. It’s over quickly, at least; there’s a short, blinding streak of pain as his body hits the ground and then there’s nothing at all. He floats in a dark nothingness that’s more reminiscent of the space between dreaming and being awake than death. It turns out there’s not so much difference between the two of them.

“You dumbass.”

The voice is deep, rough, familiar. Pac turns-and that movement is dreamlike too, soft and static at the edges-and sees a face he never thought to meet again.

“Fitch,” he breathes, and the other man smiles. There’s a sadness that lingers in the corners of his eyes. “Hey, Pac. Fancy meeting you here.”

There’s no judgement in his voice, but Pac finds it anyway. “I don’t regret it,” he says, drawing himself up to meet Fit’s gaze. “I don’t, not when you’re here too.” “I know,” Fit says softly. “I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

“Sim… but I’m here now.” Fit nods. “You’re here now,” he echoes. “So let’s go meet the other dumbasses, yeah?” Pac nods jerkily. “Ok.” Fit reaches out to take Pac’s hand and leads them to their family.

They’re all there:

Jaiden sits in a field of flowers, making a crown for Bobby’s hair; Trumpet, Dan, and Max are chasing each other, throwing bombs that never hit; Juanaflippa is curled up next to Tilín, soft smiles on their faces.

Dapper and Pomme are playing a game of keep-away with Chayanne as Baghera laughs from the sidelines; beside her, Lullah comforts an unfamiliar girl with flowers in her hair.

And there, finally, is-

“RICHINHAS-“ Pac cries, throwing himself at his son. The boy looks up, startled, from where he’s painting next to Ramón. When he sees Pac his eyes go wide and he flings his paintbrush to the side with a wild cry. “PAI!!” The two collide in a crushing hug; for a moment, nothing else matters in the world.

“It took you long enough,” Mike’s teasing voice cuts through Pac’s whirling thoughts. “Did you get lost?” Pac glares up at his friend who only grins in return. “Shut up. I got here in the end, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” grumbles a small voice. “But more importantly-I’m going to kill Richas.” Pac looks over to see Ramón glaring at Richas. There’s a bright streak of orange paint across his face. Richas sticks his tongue out. “You can’t kill me-I’m already dead!” “I’ll figure something out,” Ramón threatens. “Dapper will help me!” His eyes slide over to Pac’s and he smiles. “Hi, pai. It’s good to see you again.” Pac’s smile wobbles a bit and he opens his arms. “It’s good to see you too, filho.”

Ramón grins and jumps into Pac’s arms. He laughs, a bright, joyful sound. His family is here again, with all the time in the world.

Finally-finally-Pac doesn’t have to be alone.

[archiveikemen]

Ikemen Villains Prologue: Chapter 3

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read this before interacting with my posts

(Making deliveries at night isn’t too bad once you've gotten used to it. … My next stop is the last one for today.)

It was one of the most magnificent townhouses in the entire estate.

(Huh… this house doesn't have a mailbox.)

(It’s nighttime, so I shouldn't shout… what should I do?)

I lightly pushed the gate a little, and it creaked open inwards.

(It's not locked. The owner’s pretty careless.)

Kate: Excuse me, I’m from the post office. … Is there anyone home?

I entered through the gate and peeped into the dimly lit entrance hall that had its lights off.

(Is that the sound of a piano…?)

There was a soft tune playing out of nowhere.

The joyful and rhythmical tune that echoed through the air was giving me a strange feeling.

(... I’m sure the person playing the piano lives here. But if I just hand the letter to a random person, it might get lost.)

(I should deliver it properly, to its rightful recipient.)

Feeling fearful, I stepped into the hall.

The sound of my footsteps resonating as I walked through the polished hall mixed with the piano's tune.

(I’m getting kind of uncomfortable.)

I’m just trying to get my job done, but why does this feel like I’m doing something horribly wrong?

(I’ll pass the letter to them quickly and head straight home.)

(The sound… it seems to be coming from that hall in front.)

I knocked on the door, but the music never stopped playing. … I was getting impatient.

I anxiously placed my hand on the doorknob.

Kate: Um… excuse m—

Kate: — mmph.

(... huh?)

— A bright red liquid spurted out right before my eyes.

That thing the liquid was gushing out from fell onto the floor with a thud.

(W-What…?)

“That thing” rolled to my feet, and our eyes met.

“He” had a painful look on “his” face and held a knife to “his” neck— “he” was dead.

Kate: —!?

I gasped and felt a warm liquid drip down my cheeks, a shiver ran down my spine.

(Why.)

???: I wasn’t expecting an audience tonight.

I turned to look at my surroundings—

Eight shadows, darker than the darkness of the room, stared silently at me under the pale moonlight.

They seemed to be wondering who I was. Or rather…

They were trying to lure me into a trap.

One of them slowly stood up from the piano placed in that hall.

Red Eyed Man: Now look who we have here, aren't you the little robin I met earlier today?

Kate: Um…uh… eeh…?

He was that man with red eyes I met in London at around dusk.

I stared blankly back at the men, unable to process anything else other than that fact.

Cat-Like Man: She’s acquaintances with Will? Does she know about us?

Red Eyed Man: We merely exchanged a few words on the streets, Liam. She doesn't know about ‘Crown’.

(‘Crown’...?)

Cat-Like Man: Then we’re in trouble. What should we do…?

Out of proportion to the dark atmosphere of the crime scene, a man gazed at me with a tender smile.

His friendly pink eyes were sparkling with a look of curiosity.

Aloof Man: My apologies if it’s freaking you out. That thing is actually just a stage prop used for a play.

A man with the aura of a playboy briefly pointed at the corpse with his chin and threw me a sidelong glance.

Kate: Y-You’re lying…

I couldn't help but recall the feeling of a warm liquid dripping down my cheeks.

Aloof Man: … It would’ve been better if you at least pretended to believe me.

Aloof Man: What do we do about this, Will?

Red Eyed Man: Of course we should — take her to “The Palace’s God of Death”.

Sinister-Looking Man: Tch… I told you to lock the gate.

Man Carrying a Shotgun: Haha I didn't think anyone would trespass. You’re a naughty girl, aren't you, young lady?

Tall Young Man: Why don't you come over? It’s not like you can get away with this.

“It’s not like you can get away with this.” — I was filled with fear when I heard those words.

(W-What should I… I… I have to escape…!)

I cursed my trembling legs and was about to back away, when—

A pair of blood-red eyes caught me.

Red Eyed Man: "Come here, poor little robin."

(Huh!?)

The moment he whispered in a sweet voice — my legs seemed to gain a mind of their own and I found myself walking towards him.

(What the… why is this happening!? I can’t stop…!!)

Kate: I don’t want to…!

My legs continued moving on their own and I soon stopped right before him.

Red Eyed Man: Pardon my discourtesy.

He pulled me closer to him by the waist like we were waltzing.

(He’s going to kill me—)

As soon as I closed my eyes… the smell of roses tickled my nose, and something soft touched my cheeks.

(Huh…?)

Red Eyes Man: Done.

(Ah…)

He smiled and released me from his arms.

(Did he… the blood from just now…)

He wiped it off for me.

My legs suddenly gave way, causing me to fall onto the ground.

Red Eyed Man: A late self-introduction. My name is William. William Rex.

Against the pale moonlight, he bowed to me respectfully and extended his hand.

(William Rex…)

His bloodstained fingers slowly opened invitingly.

William: I’m inviting you for dinner tonight. What is your name, dear guest?

[kaesileigh]

479 Tri-type description

479s typically tone down their hyper-emotionality and suffering when around others. They don't want to be difficult, and they don't want to be drama queens. They find such a self-image embarrassing, and they are certain the future holds great promise and potential, so aren't they a little pathetic for focusing on their tragedy? They may self-dramatize and bring attention to themselves at times, but it's typically followed by a down-playing of the tragedy and a reframing of the situation- "All in all, it was probably worth it, and not really a big deal, anyway..."

479s view themselves as special, clever, elite, talented, and regrettably, ordinary. Attracted to the new, the known, and the emotionally intense, they can feel a bit of the will-o'-the-wisp, never quite knowing where their fancy will take them- will the day be mundane or exhilarating? Dramatic or comforting?

Intellectually and emotionally curious, yet liking balance, 479s tend not to push things 'too far'. They may play it safe in a lot of ways, getting their stimuli and emotional depth via books, film, music and other artistic media versus through gritty life experience or putting themselves on the line (although they likely swing through levels of mania or hyper-excitability and depression or listlessness). 479s are somewhat risk averse- the four may dive into dangerous waters but the seven wants to keep things pleasurable and light while the nine would really rather take it easy, so the 479 ends up swimming back to shore, reads a good book in a hammock and then falls asleep, all the while wondering when something big will happen in their life, when they will finally reach their full magnitude.

The 479s' tendency to take the easier road can quite likely lead to a regretful place where they find themselves mired with difficult questions: "Why do I fall so easily? When will I get my drive, determination and self-discipline? What will it take for me to stay committed to one thing, no matter how difficult it is? When is my life going to be how I expected it to be?" These questions (and the failings they acknowledge) may lead to depression and a loss of self-esteem, but that doesn't mean thinking about them and recognizing their flaws is going to get them anywhere. The only way 479s will truly have lives which please them is through sucking it up and getting down to business. This doesn't mean a life of drudgery, but rather acknowledging what matters to them and making it manifest- honestly expressing their emotional range vs sugar-coating it; recognizing that potential doesn't equate ability and experience (and then making a point of acquiring that experience and ability); and not getting tired and apathetic when life throws challenges their way.

With accomplishments and self-fulfillment, 479s can't help but recognize that they possess great worth. They are innovative and creative in an inspired and life-affirming way. They see beauty in all things and beings and recognize the necessity of both pleasure and pain. They are wholly aware that they are entirely unique yet simultaneously connected to every living being, and they are joyful to be living their life, with all its messiness, struggles, and simple pleasures.

Core Fours will have a harder edge and go deeper. They will be more emotionally expressive and darker than the 974 or 749.

Core Sevens will be lighter and more energetic. They will be more upbeat, fun, and enthusiastic/excitable than the 974 or 479.

Core Nines will be more gentle and accommodating. They will be more easy-going, relaxed, and have more of a healing presence than the 479 or 749.

Credit: https://www.personalitycafe.com/threads/4-7-9-tritype.117159/

[pinkbubblr]

Letter to you

December

I will sin for you, but I am not enough for you to risk it.

I feel so guilty. I shouldn't feel this type of love towards you. Your heart is set. Why can't I set my heart the same? Just when I think I recovered from you, I fall again. Deeper and more painful. I've been through this before, but this one seems the most hurtful. Maybe because I have grown over the past few years. Maybe because I finally understand what is right and wrong. And yet... why do I keep repeating?

Something about you. How can someone not fall in love with the way you laugh. How your eyes sparkle in excitement. How God placed a cute mole on your right cheek. How your lips turn into a shy smile when I say you're pretty out of nowhere. How you have a passion for becoming a better person. You have a beautiful soul. Anyone is lucky to be able to call you theirs.

I wish I was a boy. To get a chance to hold your hands against the cold. Give my jacket to you. Even as a friend, someone always beats me to it. I want to kiss your cheeks. I want to bring you on dates. I want to buy you flowers. Write you love letters. I could write to you daily if you want me to. I want to love you without guilt. I think I am sick. I'm not right.

January

I am not really hiding it anymore. You can say I am wrong as much as you want. I already know. I have known ever since I was a kid. It was my choice to love you. I want to risk it for you. Call me a fool. Stupid. Lonely. Desperate. All are true.

I beg for your attention. I need you. You make my heart pound. I have never felt so flustered before, where my butterflies are so joyful. I want you by my side. I want to give you everything you want. But that is where I am limited. I am not a man. I can't give you kids. I can't give you respect from others.

We would be a secret, but I crave that. I don't care how much hurt I'd get in the end. Give me a chance as a woman. Let me love you as a girl.

God, I am so sorry I dropped so low. Sorry, I became angry. Please don't take her away from me.

I feel like I've failed. I never feel like I am wasting my time when I am with you. I can sit in silence, but not you. I know you itch to leave. Sorry, I failed to provide that sense of peace.

I want to be with you during your worst days. I notice when you're nervous. When you silently beg. I can read you. I am a fool for you. Every little thing about you, I pick it up. I will help you no matter what. You could tell already. You always say it's fine, that I don't have to. It makes me blush in embarrassment. That you knew I wanted to help without me saying it. I don't like it when you're unhappy. I don't like it when you talk bad about yourself. If only you could see yourself in my lens. I hear music when I am with you in silence. You can't handle it. It's cute though, I always let you play whatever song you want.

Sounds like I have no backbone, but trust me I do. I am very confident. But around you, I am suddenly a little more soft and vulnerable. Maybe that's why it hurts so much more. A heartbreak. A love that will never be returned. A love that will never be heard. A love that will break me. A love that's a sin. One-sided. I made that choice, and I will do it over and over again for you.

[homosexual-fast-dancer]

2, 6, 10, aand 11 for the self insert ask game? for sabby 💟 —cephalophoricboyfriend

Thanks for the ask Puppet :D Ask game here!

2) post a meme that describes your s/i.

6) what does your s/i have most in common with you? what's different about them?

Ooh Sabby's way more energetic than me! And more joyful too, I'm a pretty happy chappy but I don't think anyone can reach the pure levels of glee and fun loving he can- as for similarities? Our aesthetics are quite similar! We both have a love of hippy things, and also our shared love for truly terrible jokes and puns

10) what are some of your s/i's major skills?

Sabby's really good at the tambourine, he plays it with the band sometimes! He's also quite good at cheering people up, his energy and joy is rather infectious so it tends to help others also feel happier, he's also an actor, but that can range from being good to quite a pain to sit through as he can get… carried away

11) what is your s/i afraid of?

Nothing! Apart from the dark, snakes, being lost, being alone, and heights! But other than that nothing!