#and physical symptoms outside cramps that suck

[maxellminidisc]

Had like some fucking GNARLY mood swings today and frankly that was not remotely fun

[morvantmortuary]

not a big deal in the long term but still frustrating health stuff underneath:

so I’ve been stuck at home all day with the worst outbreak of eczema I’ve ever had!

on my face!!

I’d only ever gotten it in very small amounts before, usually something that I could dab vaseline on for a couple days and it would fade, or maybe bigger patches on my thighs during the summer, but never on my face :’D I woke up this morning and my eyes were almost swollen shut from itching in my sleep, I guess. not to mention the skin cracking like glass at the corners of my mouth.

they say it’s caused by stress, which I kind of get bc I have my first meeting with my full committee on friday, and I’m already feeling behind, and we’re two weeks from the end of the semester and I only have a year left of funding

on top of this, as I did my research trying to figure out what I could do to alleviate the symptoms, eating for eczema and eating for adhd/autism are apparently super incompatible!! most of my safe/comfort foods are apparently eczema triggers, and most of the foods you’re supposed to eat for eczema are either things I’m allergic to or things that it’s hard to make consistent sensory-wise. all my usual things I depend on to keep myself hydrated/dopamine boosted/not stressed out are, if not off the table, at least likely to make things worse, which doesn’t help when I’m trying to lower any anxiety that might be keeping the itch cycle going. it kind of doesn’t help that a lot of the eczema spaces I’ve seen on social apps and stuff seem to me kind of regurgitating a lot of diet culture/neurotypical assumptions in some of their rhetoric, which. does not contribute to me being able to relax if this is something I suddenly have to deal with to some degree long-term.

I was lucky enough to get a telehealth appointment with my doctor tomorrow, so hopefully she’ll give me something to take that can alleviate THE ITCHING my symptoms and make it so I feel a bit less like blotchy pink nosferatu. but it’s one of those things where I’m having to try really hard not to get more stressed when I was already lowkey constantly anxious about my work not going at the pace I wanted it to, with this check-in meeting at the end of the week with my whole committee that I haven’t seen in months, and now a whole lot of the things I’ve incorporated into my routine are suddenly something that might exacerbate my discomfort. which sucks!!

and for some reason I have cramps, which is also not helping!!

I’m lucky my bosses are understanding and letting me work remote right now, and I’m trying to ignore the overwhelming urge to take my cat and go stay with my folks for the last two weeks of the semester just so I can have some of the day to day stuff taken off my plate. but I don’t want to test my bosses’ patience that much, and that’s not an instinct I can sustain long term (at least probably not wherever I work next, which uhhhh may also be contributing to my constant anxiety humming in the background ngl.)

I have like three people I’ve been meaning to answer/message back, I’ve read everything and I promise I’m not ignoring anyone!! it’s just a little rough over here rn, like physically

oough what I wouldn’t give to see the hearse or the mustang outside my apartment rn. I just. would really like a break!! :’D

[nookishposts]

Hit Pause

I haven't been able to really write in some time and there are reasons. My life is on a pause for the next while, because my brain and body made me do it; I was not listening so they ganged up to make their point.

I was sitting at work one day, after a series of back-to-back respiratory viruses had left me physically depleted, and suddenly I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. My mind went blank and the simplest tasks slipped away into a maze of confusion. It was scary. I went to see my primary care provider and together we began to untangle the knots that had choked me into a complete stop. She is a smart cookie and knew the right questions to ask. She also had had an eerily similar experience herself, for which I remain very grateful as it means she "gets" what I have a hard time explaining. Including the brutal self-recrimination part.

(I was raised in the era of the Protestant work ethic motto of "Suck it up Buttercup" meaning I went to work no matter what, without complaint because that's what was expected. Taking time off was akin to weakness, in mind and body and that was shameful. We didn't want to let our co-workers down, or miss a paycheck. In those days, employers had the same expectation and could find ways to fire a person they saw as "slacking" if it interfered with production. Thankfully, workplace laws are different now and workers are a bit more protected.)

There were a number of contributing factors. I'd said goodbye to the massage and reflexology practice that had sustained me for 27 years, and with which I had defined myself more than I realised. I/we had experienced a huge number of significant deaths over a period of 10 months, people who had been key figures in my life; family members, mentors, teachers, and contemporaries: I stopped counting after we hit 20. I had taken on a full time job with a health centre I believed in and had worked for previously in a part time capacity, a job that I was very pleased to get, but one that shifted constantly.

Repeated viruses tanked my immune system. I stopped sleeping more than a couple of hours a night and awakened choking on mucus and flailing from nightmares. My muscles and joints hurt and I didn't digest food properly, leaving me with constant nausea and poor nutritional uptake. I fought to get up and just kept trying to push through each dizzying day, but ended up calling in sick more and more often. I became anxious and angry at myself for feeling so vulnerable: because anger is easier than admitting fear. It bothered me deeply that my wonderful office mate and our exceptional manager kept having to cover my ass and that clients, volunteers, and programs were left waiting. Even my teeth were crumbling. From clenching everything back into my throat and lungs. And my soul.

And then I stopped being able to think at all, or remember the simplest things.

I went numb in order to cope.

Blood work revealed that my vitamin D stores were 20% of what they needed to be. I tan easily and figured I was getting enough D from being outside a lot on our micro-farm. Nope. Symptoms of D deficiency include: joint pain and swelling, muscle weakness, tingling and numbing of hands and feet, cognitive issues, disturbed sleep architecture, extreme fatigue and cramping muscle spasms. My practitioner was smart enough to order the test based on a hunch, and she was bang-on. Suddenly a whole lot of seeming unconnected symptoms made perfect sense. Its a slow cumulative deficiency. I am now taking 5 times the daily recommended dose of D and it's starting to make a difference after only a couple of weeks. It's going to take time to get me where I need to go. I am still not sleeping and hence undergoing Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for chronic insomnia. Medications don't work for this, it's a matter of re-setting the sleep drive with careful steps over time, and knowing that it gets worse before it gets better.

But my brain remained in overwhelm drive.

In a flash of inspiration I called my therapist from decades ago, to see if by some chance she was still practising and would agree to see me on zoom, to teach me some better coping strategies. She is, and she does, thank heavens! She knows me and we can skip the preliminaries and get right into things. She also dovetails really well with my primary care practitioner and they tag team me. Together they added to the list of official diagnoses, Compassion Fatigue, which I'd only dimly heard of. I had not had time to grieve and process between the deaths of loved ones, so a cumulative effect swamped me into feeling nothing at all. I was offered the analogy of hitting my thumb with a hammer...the pain is so extreme that you don't even feel it at first because your body goes into protective mode until you can catch up. It was also pointed out to me that I'd put a great deal of my creative and caring energies into a successful practice over 27 years and having to let it go had taken a significant piece of my identity with it. I'd specialised in working with people for whom massage had been challenging: people with body dysmorphia due to illness, trauma, size, scars, age, etc. I missed them. I missed listening, easing seized and painful muscles, and supporting others as they became more comfortable with themselves through patience and practice, one gentle , non-judgemental step at a time.

Which I now need to do for myself. Irony of ironies.

I am at that age where elders and contemporaries are getting sick and dying, it's a statistical inevitability. But these rapidly disappearing loved ones were not acquaintances, they were all people who had impacted my life significantly and helped form the person I am still becoming. They represent to some degree my history and my story. Even now, I find myself picking up the phone to call or text, or composing an email, forwarding a joke, needing to ask a question or seek advice from someone who has moved on to whatever comes after the death of the body. I can put the phone down, but I can't remove their names from my contact lists. Reminders and triggers are everywhere. Rather than fight or deny them, I try to allow them to be part of the shifting kaleidoscope that contributes to my new normal. Growth means change, and some of that means loss. I grieve not just for myself but for the families and friends of those key people. Too many, too quickly.

I have the luxury of medically-endorsed time off. EI sick benefits are coming soon. I have been instructed to rest, eat simply, not think too hard, just allow thoughts and feelings to surface without judgement or analysis. To doodle freely and bypass expectations. That's not easy for a usually over-busy brain like mine. I have to take my vitamins, not push myself, not make any big decisions for a while. Thankfully, my Beloved also gets it, and is gently supportive, watching me slowly return to the person she has lovingly invested so much in. The stony, stoic flatness I experienced was unnerving for her too. My body remains exhausted and unpredictable, my short term memory and word-finding skills still suck and I have to remind myself that it's okay to not be okay. Having met a couple of people who have been through something like this, really helps me feel validated in the amount time it will take to become well again. Regarding my employment work situation, I have been reminded : "Its not your job to take care of them. It's theirs." Okay.

If I am fortunate, I will get another 25-30 years on the planet and I want to spend them well, especially since they seem to go so fast. The last thing I want to be fighting is myself. Managing perceived expectations versus the glorious sticky mess of human reality is a fool's game and can make a person sick. And it can all be gone in a heartbeat anyway, in spite of our best intentions. Savour it all.

Pay attention when your body speaks. Give your brain a break. Love yourself enough to be appreciative of all that you are, and forgive what you aren't. We are so much better at offering these axioms than living them. Learning the hard way is still learning.

[llatimeria]

this is a tmi vent post please do not reblog but I Have To Say Some Things

ppl talk so long about physical period symptoms and like YES that’s EXTREMELY important and we need to get it through people’s heads that periods can be Physically Debilitating but I also get a vibe that people, even on tumblr and left-wing circles kinda think mental period symptoms don’t Really Exist... like yeah the “PMS-y moody woman hahaha isn’t it so funny how mad she is !” and “Ooooh she’s MAD at me that must mean she’s on her PERIOD” trope is fucked up as hell, but I think people dismissing that stereotype accidentally swing a little too far to “The only reason anyone ever says Periods Make You Moody is because they pissed someone off and want to not feel bad about it”, sometimes?? I’ve never seen someone actually say that, but nobody EVER brings up mental period symptoms except when talking about how they’re used to dismiss ppl (especially women, but women aren’t the only people who menstruate and not every woman menstruates . obviously). Nobody says “hey if you have PMS that’s OK, you’re gonna be OK, here’s some mental health tips to cope, ”, it’s always “pshaw this dumb cis dude thinks this woman is mad at him because she’s on her period! nobody’s ever mad at anything for no reason because they’re on their period, that never happens”. and like. yes we should shut down shitty dudes with the snide “someone’s on their period hurhurhur” thing, but uh. Can We Talk About Period Mood Symptoms Outside Of That Context, Please , 

tmi anecdote section but I really don’t have horrible period symptoms physically. i don’t get the debilitating cramps, i don’t bleed a lot, i don’t have periods that last for ages, I don’t really get anything worse than like, mild lower back soreness. It’s all horrible and sucks, but if I didn’t have the mental symptoms, it’d be fine! But. During my period, and especially the week before it, is constantly a FUCKING NIGHTMARE. It’s basically 1.5 - 2 weeks out of every month where I just... can’t cope! with anything! It’s been a pattern I’ve noticed even before I knew what PMDD was (and I only learned about it like. a couple months ago, maybe? and not from any medical doctor, just some other person with PMDD who posted a gallows-humor comic about it that prompted me to do a lot of googling). I’ve always known that if I ever were to attempt or commit suicide, it’d be during or right before my period. The only times I’ve ever physically self-harmed was right before my period. The only times I’ve had honest-to-god panic attacks was right before my period. I just Have Depression And Anxiety Disorders, but the symptoms of those get WAY worse. My ADHD gets worse, especially the mood-related symptoms like RSD, but just general focusing symptoms too. All of it gets SO MUCH WORSE, even though my physical health is basically okay. and it took me like. until last year to realize that it wasn’t ... normal. I don’t even know how i connected the dots with “my period makes me suicidal” back in high school or whenever I figured that out because I made that connection and then just didn’t Do anything with that. I didn’t even register a “Oh, is this PMS? Is this what PMS is?” thought until like. October-november 2019 and then months later I found out about PMDD and finally consciously realized that this a) Isn’t The Average Period Experience b) The week before my period was doing more damage than the week of my period, but that wasn’t just a random coincidence, it still was being Directly Caused by my period

anyways I have an implant now but I haven’t had it long enough to know how well it’s gonna work for stopping my period and how much that’s gonna actually benefit my mental health... no birth control works for completely stopping periods, so I’m always gonna have a sword of damocles precariously dangling over my head unless i get an entire hysterectomy, which I don’t think I want, and even then humans just have a natural hormonal cycle so I may just have a cycle of crashing for half a month every month until I die, unable to build up any real progress because I’m always going to be undoing all the damage I did by not existing for 2 weeks ! :D

[spinkt]

Dear people who have never had a uterus: If you consider yourself an ~ally~ to the ladies, and a female friend mentions that they're suffering due to uterus-based things, and you think that answering that with saying how you have also suffered from uterus-based things because you have a lot of female friends/sisters/girlfriends, MAYBE FUCKING DON'T.

You might think you're being clever or funny. You might think you're sympathizing. You're not.  And maybe you don’t know why or how you’re not.  A quick primer, behind a cut ‘cuz it got long.

Periods are not only incredibly socially unacceptable, but they have been almost weaponized against the very women who suffer them.  A comment like that, no matter how passively it was intended, perpetuates all that negativity.  A comment like that equates the “suffering” of men at the hands of menstruating women to the actual physical effects of menstruation, which there is no accurate parallel for to foster any amount of empathy.

Yes, some women get angry/grumpy/”moody” with their PMS symptoms.  It can be unpleasant to deal with as someone on the outside of it, sure.  But those women aren’t doing it on purpose; they cannot control what their hormones are doing to their minds and personalities.  A lot of the time they know it’s happening but can’t help it, which leads to a real feeling of being out of control.  It’s not pleasant.

Add to that the fact that PMS has been used as a tool to delegitimize any emotions (mostly) men deem to be “inappropriate”.  “Go change your tampon”, “Oh, she must be on the rag”.  It’s the kind of thing women hear whenever they’ve had the audacity to be angry, or grumpy, or sad, or...anything that’s inconvenient, really.  It is a tool that is regularly used to take the power away from a woman, to remove any legitimacy her emotions or reactions may have.  This one is especially frustrating because, should a woman call someone out on using this tactic?  They’re seen as proving the point.

People also regularly diminish the actual physical pain women suffer.  There are so many times someone will ask why a woman looks uncomfortable or sick or whatever, and if she answers honestly with “I’ve got really bad cramps” or “my period’s making me feel nauseous”, it’s often answered with an unimpressed or disgusted “oh”.  “I don’t want to hear about that” is another frequent one.  Because it’s impossible to tell someone what menstrual cramps feel like in a way that actually works, there’s very little empathy, and even in the medical community there’s a tendency to diminish any suffering that may be going on.

I am not going to say that it doesn’t suck to live with someone who suffers from PMS, or painful periods, or whatever else.  But to equate the inconveniences of that to the actual problems of living that reality is just....shitty.  It’s insulting, and demeaning, and perpetuates a lot of the toxic shit that society shoves down the throats of girls until it’s imprinted on their very souls.

If you want to be an ally to women, be supportive of their periods.  Be understanding if they’re moody or lethargic or in pain, and don’t stigmatize or perpetuate the masculine societal bullshit.  I’m not saying you have to wait on them hand and foot, or be instantaneously comfortable buying period gear at the store, or listen to all the gory details they may want to share about what’s going on to their bodies (although bonus points for that second thing).  Just...I dunno.  Support them enough to let them own the things their bodies are doing to them without feeling like they have to hide it, and respect them enough to not make their menstruation troubles about you.

[hesdewdrops]

Sometimes I hella envy people who can just say “Wow, your overwhelming” and leave. I would give anything to be able to walk away from this too. From all the irrational shit, the physical pain (aches, stabbing chest pain, headaches, cramps, etc), all the nightmares and the crying and all the horrible thoughts. If it sucks from the outside imagine how it feels on the inside. Not being able to stop, or explain. Having to act like it’s okay because it’s too hard to explain or people simply don’t care. I’m fed up with my shit too. I’m fed up with my PTSD symptoms and how they never stop. I’m fed up with having to deal with it. But there is a big difference between me and someone else. They get to walk away. They get to leave when it all gets to be too much. I have to just stop and accept that there is only so much I can do. I work so hard every minute of every day just to function as a regular human. I don’t think anyone will really understand how hard I work just to do regular people things. When I do act out or overact or have an attack that effects someone negatively, I can only explain why I felt that way and apologize. I try my hardest. And honestly most of the time I feel like that will never be enough. I don’t want to need as much as I do, or be clingy or emotional. But I am and it’s something I have to deal with.

My PTSD will literally never go away. It took me a very very VERY long time to accept that. But once I did it’s when the real healing started. My trauma was when I was so little at such a crucial time in my development that my brain is formed differently. I can have therapy and take pills that can help reduce my symptoms. But I will never be cured and I will never be a normal person. 

As shitty as that is, that is what people choose when they choose to interact with me. I do not want people trying to make me something I’m not and hoping for the day I’ll be normal. I don’t expect anyone to deal with me, or want to be around me, sometimes though, I wish for it. It’s odd because people say I ask a lot of them, but they don’t realize they ask so much of me. They don’t realize how hard it is just to hang out or talk or go somewhere without having an attack, or all the hings I don’t say even though it’s been really bothering me because I know it’s a bummer. Or all the times I am in severe pain and hide it because I know it’s a drag. I have never shown someone all of me. When people get close to seeing it they are revolted and overwhelmed. I feel like there is a whole half of me that I stuff down because I know it bothers people. A part of me thats really important and I want so desperately to express because it hurts to keep it all in. 

I am learning to be at peace with who I am and all the mistakes I’ve made and the shit I do. I do my best and I am working to be the best version of myself I can possibly be. I’m honestly really sorry if I still hurt people, if I still drag people down, if I still fuck things up. I’m doing my best and that’s all I can do.

[rememberthepastme]

6/15/2020

So, I’ve switched to a new therapist named Jaime since GT kicked me out. No ill will towards my old therapist because it’s not her fault, but it still sucked. Looking for a new therapist was not a fun process. In any case, the reason I’m writing today is about a specific incident that occurred 2 days ago, on Saturday.

I had my first panic attack.

My family left to go to Florida for the weekend and a few days, so I invited Julia over to come hang out. We’re dating now. She brought an edible with her that she got from one of her friends, and we thought it would be fun to take together. I’ve taken edibles before, gotten high before, taken hits from dab pens, smoked, etc., so I wasn’t worried about it. But for whatever reason, this time didn’t go so swimmingly. It started off like normal, I began feeling the body high, I got pins and needles all over, my heart began beating a little faster, and I felt the cotton mouth. Then I felt the mental part, I had a looser track of time, my thoughts felt slow, and I had to struggle to stay focused on a single thing. These progressively got worse and worse. I first noted that it was hitting hard after around 30 minutes. Then, it was the highest I had ever felt after 45. Then I think around an hour or so after I took the edible, I began feeling a little ill. It manifested as a pressure in the back of my throat/esophagus, like I was going to throw up. I started feeling the cold sweats that usually accompany vomit so I ran to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet to get it all out. I had vomited from drinking before and in that situation, once you get it out you feel a million times better, so I was hoping I would vomit, take a breather, and be fine.

Unfortunately, that never happened. Nothing ever came up, and I never had the heaves that come with throwing up. Instead, my symptoms kept getting worse. The pins and needles turned into cramps, and then full on muscle convulsions. My heart sped up higher and higher, and my breathing became more ragged. It felt like I when you’re sobbing and it’s hard to catch your breath. My thoughts became even more clouded, and my hold on time and place loosened. Eventually I couldn’t keep myself over the toilet anymore, at which point I caved and called for Julia. She came running over, and started caring for me. At this point, I felt horrible. It was just a little edible and I was on the bathroom floor incapacitated because of it. I thought I would just wait it out and then have a funny story to laugh at afterwards. But I kept getting worse. Alongside my quickly loosening grip on time and reality, I began to feel as though I was throwing up. I mentally felt every heave and the bile in my mouth, and it spewing from my lips, though none of it actually occurred. Every thought I had turned into an intrusive thought complete with a scenario that played out in my head like a movie, every second. It was incredibly hard to stay in the moment and not lose myself to these runaway thoughts. Every single one felt real, and reality wasn’t much different. I likened it to Dr. Strange looking through 14 million futures in Avengers to Julia. I stopped being able to move entirely, and breathing became even more difficult for me. I felt terrible since Julia had to care for me, and every moment that I got worse meant that the situation would probably be even more traumatic for Julia. I could barely speak between my cotton mouth, muscle convulsions, ragged breathing, and runaway thoughts, but I began apologizing to Julia over and over. I also started to describe these symptoms as much as I could. I thought if I focused on externalizing them, I could control them as if they were nothing more than the physical aspects of my emotions. After all, a bad trip was just mental, right? I tried voicing this to Julia too, though I’m honestly not sure how coherent I was.

The symptoms continued to get worse. My hands started hurting because of how hard my muscles were contracting and trembling, and my breathing got to a point that made me feel faint. I was past just feeling like I had been sobbing. I also started losing the sense of feeling in my body. I felt cold and hot at the same time, and I couldn’t feel the ground under me. My vision tunneled until I couldn’t see anything but the singular point I was focused on, almost like the inverse of my ocular migraines. Once my breathing got really bad, I started to freak out. My thoughts turned to those of serious injury and passing out, so I started trying to control myself as much as possible. Julia laid me on the ground once it was clear I wasn’t going to vomit, and then propped my head up on something. (I never looked at what it was). I was trying to consider the repercussions of calling 911 at this point. I knew that American healthcare was terrible and if this whole thing was going to blow over I didn’t want anyone else involved. I especially hated the irony of involving cops in these times, because I much as I hated them they would end up showing if 911 was called. Even more than that, I knew that I was exactly the stereotype of rich white boy tries weed and has a bad experience. I vehemently hated the idea of being that person. I tried to downplay all the symptoms in my head and justify them, but it was clear I had little control and they kept getting worse. Eventually, my breathing got to a point where I was struggling to keep conscious. I finally gave in and told Julia to call 911.

This was when I started feeling like I was fighting to stay alive. I was still externalizing to Julia as much as possible, and I told her I felt like my soul was leaving my body, and I if I gave in even the slightest it would leave and I would die. I felt very, very close to death. I started conflating this feeling of fighting for my life with fighting against my symptoms. I had to prove that this was all mental, it was all for show, and that I was still in control. I first tried forcing my breathing to slow, but my heart was still beating so fast it felt worse than what I was doing before. So I tried moving. I was clenching and unclenching my hands at first, but when I felt as though I was going to die I attempted to stand and walk outside. I’m not really sure what the rationale was, I remember thinking if I made it outside I would have a greater chance of living somehow. I made it out of the bathroom and about 5 steps before collapsing into a chair Julia pulled over for me in the middle of the hallway. The time being propped up on the bathroom floor and walking to the hallway was probably the peak of the symptoms, as it plateaued from there. Can’t get much worse than feeling close to death, I suppose.

I started sobbing that I didn’t want to die to Julia. I was terrified, scared out of mind, literally. The crying made breathing even more difficult though, so I tried to focus on my movement. Eventually, the paramedics showed up and checked me out. They told me I wasn’t going to die, and coached me through breathing. They told me to focus on in through my nose, and out through my mouth. With that technique I was able to get my breathing under control to a degree, and I no longer felt as though I was dying. However the other physical effects were still there. They offered to bring me to the hospital, but they said they basically wouldn’t do anything for me but lay me down and give me oxygen, and I’d probably be fine after a while on my own. I chose to stay, and thankfully they said a visit is free. However, I’ll have to wait and see if I get anything in the mail.

After that, I calmed down and the symptoms mostly went away. I was left just feeling very high, though it certainly wasn’t pleasant. The pressure in my throat I felt from the beginning remained constant, and so I was terrified that it would happen again. I realized that even thinking about the attack instantly gave me trembling and constricted my throat a bit. This was about the worst possible scenario for me because the way I think is by playing out my memories in my head and envisioning new ones, so not thinking about a memory was incredibly difficult. I tried distracting myself by watching TV or tiktoks but ultimately I would remember that I’m doing that in order to distract myself from thinking about the attack, which of course would make it worse. Eventually I just tried my hardest to fall asleep, and thankfully I did. By the time I woke up, the high had worn off and thinking about the attack no longer made me worry about triggering another.

The entire experience was extremely traumatic and I don’t think I’ve really processed it yet. According to Julia, the entire episode from me calling for her to the paramedics leaving was around an hour, though it felt much much longer to me. I had no sense of time at all. In any case, I’m not gonna go near weed for quite some time.

[pathopharmacology]

so you wanna write about narcotics

Hello, friends! Disclaimer time! This is a quick reference for folks who want to write accurately about narcotic substances in their fiction. It covers what narcotics are and how they affect the body, the differences between tolerance, physical dependence, and addiction, what happens during an overdose, and how overdoses are usually managed in a hospital setting. It is NOT meant for anything beyond that (and it’s definitely not a commentary on the state of narcotics abuse in this country, because that would take another several thousand words and also involve a lot of yelling about overprescription of opioids and the lack of support for patients with chronic pain).

Um. ANYWAY.

Before we get into it, let’s talk terminology. Although the terms “opiate” and “opioid” are often used interchangeably, they’re technically two different things. Morphine and codeine, two compounds actually found in opium poppies, are considered opiates. Everything else derived from the poppy – heroin, hydromorphone, hydrocodone, oxymorphone, oxycodone – are considered opioids. There are also synthetically created opioids that don’t derive from opium poppies at all, but that’s a slightly different topic and I don’t feel like delving into it. For the purposes of this guide I’m sticking with the catch-all term “narcotics.”

i. what the fuck are they and how do they work

I’m not going to go into a ton of detail about what differentiates an opiate from an opioid and semi-synthetic from synthetic and so on and so forth, because…honestly, I don’t really care. What’s important to know about narcotics is that they depress the nervous system. Many of the side effects you see with short-term use, long-term use, and overdoses can generally be explained in terms of nervous system depression: your pupils constrict, your breathing and reaction to outside stimuli slows, your heart rate and blood pressure decrease, you grow sleepy (nervous system excitation results in the opposite: rapid heart rate, increased blood pressure, dilated pupils, faster breathing and reaction time). People who are opioid-naive may also develop transient itchiness, nausea, or vomiting, all of which tend to be less common in people who are opioid-tolerant; opioid-tolerant people, on the other hand, tend to have more issues with constipation.

Of course, the main reason people use narcotics is because they (a) reduce pain, and (b) produce euphoria. Which is great! That’s a helpful thing for them to do! Less helpful is that people tend to develop a tolerance to narcotics over time – hence the whole “opioid-naive” vs. “opioid-tolerant” thing I mentioned above. Tolerance, physical dependence, and addiction are considered three separate things, but they’re all closely related and one can definitely lead to the next.

ii. tolerance

If someone’s developed a tolerance to narcotics, this means certain effects of the drug – both intended and unintended – are slowly reduced over time. Constipation, weirdly enough, is one of the side effects that gets worse with prolonged use. The upside is that things like itchiness, nausea, vomiting, and somnolence tend to fade and the person can function pretty normally. The downside is that analgesia (pain reduction) and euphoria also fade, which – given that these are the primary reason people use narcotics in the first place – becomes kind of a problem.

Luckily, there’s a very straightforward solution: JUST TAKE MORE NARCOTICS, AND/OR IN HIGHER DOSES!!!!! PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!!

Wait, did I say “luckily”? I meant “unfortunately”. This is very, very unfortunate.

iii. physical dependence and withdrawal

Here’s the issue with opioid tolerance: because narcotics act directly on the nervous system and affect certain receptors, the body starts to adapt to them being there. This is why it takes more and more of the drug to produce the same effect. So if someone abruptly stops taking it after developing a tolerance? Everything becomes – and this is the clinical term – SUPER FUCKED UP. This is what we call physical dependence – when a person has to keep taking the drug, either at the same dose or increasingly higher ones, in order to prevent withdrawal.

(physical dependence and addiction are NOT the same thing. more on that in a bit)

Narcotic withdrawal suuuuuucks. It really and truly sucks. For one thing, it can be super painful, since muscle aches are one of the more common side effects and they can be pretty severe, ranging from a deep ache to feeling like your entire body is on fire. You also tend to see side effects that are opposite of the drug’s usual effects, fun shit like: drenching sweats, tremors, insomnia, diarrhea, tachycardia, irritability, and extreme emotional lability. People also tend to throw up a lot, but that’s because nausea seems to be how the human body responds to anything it doesn’t like. Drug making you feel strange? Nausea and vomiting! Lack of drug making you feel strange? Nausea and vomiting!!! Extreme pain? Nausea and vomiting!!!! Extreme emotional distress? NAUSEA AND VOMITING!!!!!!!

The withdrawal symptoms that tend to show up first are agitation, anxiety, watery eyes, runny nose, sneezing, muscle aches, and insomnia. Abdominal cramping, diarrhea, vomiting, goosebumps, shivering, and pupil dilation tend to appear a little later. The time of symptom onset usually depends on the drug in question, but with heroin and morphine it’s usually after about 12 hours or so from the last usage.

Withdrawal symptoms tend to be less severe when the drug is slowly reduced, and most severe when the drug is either stopped abruptly or an opioid antagonist like Narcan is administered. Opioid antagonists cause IMMEDIATE withdrawal, which is how I almost got punched in the face by a guy who went from “not breathing due to a heroin overdose” to “wide awake and screaming bloody murder” in like three seconds flat.

Fun fact about opioid antagonists: they have a much shorter half-life than the opioids themselves, which is why we can’t administer them and immediately send people on their way. Until the narcotic’s been fully metabolized, it’s still floating around the body in the same concentrations that caused the need for the antagonist in the first place. Chances are pretty damn high the person will crash super fast after the antagonist has worn off.

Again, the amount of time it takes depends on the drug, but it’s not unusual that we have to start a Narcan drip and admit the patient to the hospital to monitor them until everything is out of their system and they can maintain a good respiratory drive on their own. This is something we tend to see more with prescription drugs as opposed to, say, heroin. Extended-release formulations in particular, which are meant to treat chronic pain, can stay in the body for a staggeringly long time; an accidental or intentional overdose on those particular drugs can easily land someone in the hospital for a night or several.    

Unlike alcohol or benzodiazepine withdrawal, which can result in seizure activity and death if the substance is stopped cold-turkey, withdrawal from narcotics is rarely life-threatening in and of itself. Mostly it’s just extraordinarily uncomfortable, and the number one potential complication of narcotic withdrawal is that the person will start back up again and accidentally overdose.

iv. addiction

Addiction is a snarly complicated thing in which physical dependence on the drug is combined with psychological dependence. Early withdrawal symptoms alone can result in drug cravings for people physically dependent on the drug; with addiction, cravings tend to be more intense and often aren’t related to symptoms of withdrawal at all. A lot more time is spent thinking about the drug and/or how to acquire it, and the person may end up doing things they wouldn’t normally do in order to get more.

Addictive behavior is usually driven by stimulus and reward, where engaging in a particular activity results in some immediate and tangible positive effect. With narcotics, this tends to get complicated even further by the presence of physical dependence – not only is there a tangible reward for using the narcotics in the first place (the euphoric high), but there are tangible negatives for not using it (withdrawal).

Physical dependence is why narcotic abuse is so often treated with other, slightly different narcotics like methadone or Suboxone. Because these drugs are also narcotics, they produce similar euphoric effects and mitigate the effects of withdrawal. They’re also much easier to withdraw from, and people tend to weather the slow reduction of the dosage far more easily than they might with heroin or morphine.

(note that I say “tend.” Methadone and Suboxone treatment have their own complications, and – just as with heroin or oxycodone – stopping cold-turkey can result in a pretty nasty experience)

As mentioned above, the biggest potential complication of addiction and withdrawal is accidental overdose. Someone who’s developed a heavy opioid tolerance through regular use will find it much harder to overdose unless they end up changing the drug in question or the way it’s used. Switching from inhalation to IV usage, for example, will result in a MUCH higher concentration of the drug in the body, which puts the person at high risk of overdose. Switching from morphine to something like hydromorphone may result in similar issues, since 1 mg of hydromorphone is about 7-8 times stronger than the same amount of morphine.

Someone who’s addicted and/or physically dependent may also accidentally overdose if they’ve stopped taking the drug and are starting to go into withdrawal. Withdrawal means their body is already starting to adjust to a lack of the drug, so if they take the same amount they’re used to then things can end, uh, really badly.

REALLY badly.

v. overdose

There are three clinical features common to almost every narcotics overdose, which actually makes these overdoses pretty easy to recognize:

Pinpoint pupils

Shallow breathing

Loss of consciousness

The latter two, obviously, are the most dangerous. The thing about narcotic drugs is they depress the respiratory drive, which means people don’t breathe as quickly or as deeply as they should. Worst case scenario, people stop breathing entirely, which can result in respiratory arrest, then cardiac arrest and, eventually, brain death.

Not a fun time for most folks, really.

But even if someone doesn’t stop breathing altogether, respiratory depression can still be really fucking dangerous. First, the human body just straight up doesn’t function very well without oxygen (BIG SURPRISE THERE). Under most circumstances, hypoxia is relatively easy to spot: the person’s respiratory rate increases, sometimes to the point of hyperventilation, and they may experience a worsening headache and/or visual disturbances like spots, flashing lights, and gray or black fog. Oxygen-starved brains also tend to produce neurological disturbances like agitation, sleepiness, or confusion.

Cyanosis, a bluish tinge that develops in the lips, the nail beds, the eyelids, the tips of the fingers, and the skin around the mouth, is perhaps the most outwardly obvious sign of hypoxia, an indication that oxygen-rich blood (bright red) is giving way to oxygen-poor blood (dark red-purple). Some people, like those with congenital heart conditions or severe anemia, are mildly cyanotic all the time. Most folks, however, are not, and in the average person cyanosis is considered an ominous sign.     

Unfortunately, early recognition of hypoxia during a possible overdose can be extremely difficult. The sedating effects of the drug mimic the sedation you see with hypoxia, and someone who isn’t trained to do so many not be able to differentiate between the altered mental status produced by the drug vs an altered mental status brought on by lack of oxygen. The analgesic effects mask symptoms such as headache, and you don’t see any increase in respirations due to the depression of the respiratory drive. Sometimes, cyanosis ends up being the ONLY thing people notice, which means things are bad indeed.

As if that wasn’t enough, respiratory depression is the gift that keeps on giving. Not only is the person not getting enough oxygen, they’re also not expelling enough carbon dioxide. A buildup of carbon dioxide in the body results in something called respiratory acidosis, which means the pH of your tissues is getting too low and it’s going to start fucking up how everything works. The kidneys can compensate a little by releasing bicarbonate back into the bloodstream, but those compensatory mechanisms only work for so long. Eventually they fail, the pH starts dropping again, and everything just goes completely to hell.

(someone who’s developing acute respiratory acidosis as the result of a narcotics overdose will most likely be unconscious anyway, but the symptoms are basically what you see with hypoxia, mostly because the two conditions tend to go hand in hand: anxiety, headache, agitation, visual disturbances, etc.. untreated, respiratory acidosis eventually progresses to delirium, coma, and death. GOOD TIMES!!!)

People who have overdosed also have a horrible tendency to vomit, which is a huge problem if they’re lying on their back and/or are too out of it to protect their own airway. This, as you might guess, is a bad thing. It can result in a complete blockage of the airway (WHICH LIKELY LEADS TO DEATH), or the person ends up inhaling some of it, at which point it gets into the lungs and wreaks all sorts of havoc (WHICH MAYBE LEADS TO DEATH).  

vi. managing an overdose

For the most part, a narcotics overdose is treated in a few different ways, all of which depend largely on everything the patient’s taken and their clinical presentation once they arrive at the hospital.

Narcan, as mentioned earlier, is often one of the first meds administered during a suspected or confirmed narcotics overdose. It can be given intramuscularly or intravenously, and paramedics are usually the folks who administer the first dose if the patient is arriving by ambulance.

A patient who’s alert, oriented, and generally breathing well doesn’t need Narcan, at least not yet; in situations where someone arrives immediately after an overdose and is able to explain what happened (they accidentally took the wrong medication, they intentionally swallowed a handful of oxycodone, etc.), treatment is supportive rather than therapeutic. Narcan is for the folks who are significantly altered, or who appear to have some level of respiratory impairment.

If the person’s maintaining their own airway and their respirations are at least 10-12 breaths per minute, then oxygen is generally the supportive therapy of choice. We may also start fluids, and almost always draw labs and get an EKG. Someone who’s overdosed on a narcotic may also have other substances in their body – alcohol is the big one – so we usually try to find out if the person’s ingested anything else, and if so, what it was. Depending on the substance and its effects, we treat for that too.

If the person isn’t maintaining their airway, if their respirations are slowing down and/or they’re experiencing long periods of apnea, or if they’ve vomited at any point while they were unconscious, then intubation and ventilation are considered. Sometimes, a Narcan drip alone can make the difference between an unconscious person who isn’t breathing and a conscious person who is. In those cases, we go with the drip and admit the patient to the hospital for closer monitoring. But sometimes the person’s been down for so long that Narcan doesn’t really make a difference, or they have something else in their system that Narcan doesn’t affect. In situations like that, or in situations where someone’s airway has already been compromised, then assisted ventilation and/or intubation are the only good way to ensure the person stays alive.

The amount of time it takes for someone to start breathing more normally and/or regain consciousness after a narcotic overdose depends largely on the drug in question and how it got into the body. There’s less bioavailability with smoking and oral ingestion, but people tend to compensate by smoking/ingesting a lot more. Orally ingested drugs take longer to metabolize than IV drugs, and extended release formulas take longer still. Medication patches are intended to release a small, steady amount of the drug into the body over the course of 12-24 hours, but they can be affected by things like heat and cold. Street drugs may be cut with various substances, all of which can affect how long someone is impaired. In general, you want to keep someone in the hospital and/or treat them until they’re able to maintain normal breathing on their own, at which point withdrawal may need to be the next thing you tackle.

vii. i got nothin’, i just wanted one more heading

Anyway, I hope this ends up being helpful for people writing about narcotics. If anyone has follow-up questions or wants me to expand on anything in particular, hit me up. As you can tell from this several thousand word essay, I really love talking about this stuff.

[hamilficsfordays]

Yes to Abort, No to Miscarry (Lin/Reader/Vanessa)

Prompt: This is based on a very personal, painful experience that I suffered through relatively recently. Thanks to @secretschuylersister for reading and taking time to listen. I’m so grateful.

Author’s Note: It took a lot of courage to even consider posting this. If you’re reading this and thinking: “Man, this girl could really use a hug.” You’re right.

Pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda/Reader/Vanessa Nadal (polygamy) 

Summary: An unexpected pregnancy shakes things up in your new relationship. You agree to end it, but you might not get a chance.

Rating: T for language and sensitive subjects.

Warnings: I was originally going to end this with a threesome, but I figured I didn’t need to share everything. We’ll cross that bridge another day.

Words: 5527

Tags:

@huffleheyguys

Askbox / Masterlist / What I Write

It hit you rather surprisingly.

There was a chuckle from the crowd as Lin went back and forth about his writing process with Andrew Lloyd Webber. You were sat next to Vanessa in the audience and managed to chuckle until a sharp pain in your lower abdomen caught you by surprise.

You sucked in a breath, shocked by the sensation and told yourself not to be concerned. You’d been in London since Thursday morning, flying in from New York for the long weekend to visit Lin and Vanessa. What was once a long-standing friendship between the three of you had eventually evolved into a (not quite defined) polygamous relationship.

Your undefined relationship began overseas, with them in London as Lin worked on Mary Poppins Returns. You had agreed to wait until they returned to the states in June to act on anything, but waiting proved to be difficult. Lin insisted on buying you a round trip ticket to come visit. After some hesitation, you agreed.

While it was rewarding to spend days on set with him among a host of talented actors and to spend time with his family, you couldn’t deny that your favorite parts were the more personal, erotic moments.

Once in his dressing room at work, and a few times in the guest room they had you staying in at home. You couldn’t get enough of each other.

That was a month ago.

When you had arrived for a second time on Thursday, V seemed immediately suspicious of what you claimed were “side effects of your birth control”. Nausea, vomiting, fatigue and frequent urination were hard to ignore, especially having been pregnant only a few years before. She left for work that morning and came back that evening with a pregnancy test.

“I got you a gift.” she had started, catching you off guard as you were headed into the bathroom for the umpteenth time that day.

“Oh…” you took the small plastic bag from her, feeling a cardboard box inside. “V, you didn’t have to get me any…”

Your voice trailed off as you pulled the box out. It was a pregnancy test, something you’d been avoiding despite obvious symptoms and friendly advice for at least a week.

“I don’t think I need this,” you tried.

“Just take it.” she insisted, with a small smile. “What could it hurt?”

“Vanessa, I’m not pregnant. It’s probably just my hormones acting up from my birth control—”

“Prove me wrong.” she interrupted. “Take the test. If you aren’t pregnant, we can pretend this never happened.”

You knew if you refused that she would only continue to insist. You sighed, taking the test into the bathroom with you.

-

It all led up to Sunday night. There you sat, knowingly pregnant with the father of your child onstage.

You had plans to fly home the next day and schedule an appointment to have an abortion performed. There were a lot of things you needed (a better paying job, a bigger apartment, the ability to be a stronger writer), but a baby was not one of them.

Once the cramps started, they wouldn’t stop. You were sure you had read somewhere that cramping in the early stages of pregnancy was normal. You’d experienced it once or twice before, but it was never this bad.

Your physical discomfort was hard not to notice. Beside you, Vanessa was well aware of your sudden change in demeanor.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” you lied.

The interview was nearly over. As the interviewer asked for one final question, you felt slightly relieved knowing you would be on your way home soon.

When the event came to an end, a fair amount of audience members headed out. Others (a number of writers and performers that you weren’t familiar with) stayed behind.

The look on Lin’s face as some of the writers began to approach made you feel less confident about being able to leave right away.

He seemed ecstatic; eager to speak to each of them.

You tried to stay strong—you didn’t want to ruin the night for him—but your abdominal cramps were getting stronger and would not be deterred.

He was mid conversation alongside Andrew Lloyd Webber and another person you didn’t recognize. You tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to you, politely excusing himself from the other conversation.

“What’s up?”

“I’m really sorry for interrupting—” you started.

“Hey, don’t apologize. It’s no big deal. Are you okay?” he seemed to notice you looked somewhat distressed.

“I uh… I’m not feeling too well. I’m gonna catch a cab back to your place.”

“A cab? No, I’ll have the car brought around. V and I can come with you—” he offered.

“Lin, no, seriously you should stay. I’m fine. I’ll just take a hot shower. Besides I’ve never seen you so excited to talk to a group of white people I don’t recognize.”

He chuckled. “You’re sure you’re fine on your own?”

You nodded, putting on your best reassuring face. “I’m good.”

Because you were only visiting, you didn’t exactly have any British currency on you. Lin pulled a few bills from his wallet and handed them to you, assuring you’d get home safely.

He glanced around briefly to make sure no one was looking before planting a kiss on your forehead.

“Get home safe.”

-

You hailed a cab outside the theatre and gave the driver the right address. It wasn’t a long drive, but it felt like an eternity. You were curled up in the back seat wincing in pain as your cramps pressed on. You could see the driver glancing at you in the rearview mirror as though he was concerned for you, but still, he said nothing and took you home.

You rushed as fast as you could inside and to the bathroom, past the babysitter who was quietly reading a book on the couch. Once the door was shut, you tore your clothes off and sprinted into the shower—pausing under the searing hot water. The relief was only moderate, not quite what you expected. You tried moving the showerhead so that the water landed directly on your abdomen, but that wasn’t relieving either.

The cramps were getting worse by the minute. The hot water was only irritating your skin, so you turned off the water and stepped out of the shower.

The cold tile floor felt nice on the bottom of your feet. You resorted to lying on the floor, curled up in a fetal position. You took deep breaths, closed your eyes, and tried to focus on anything but the pain.

You didn’t know how much time had passed when you opened your eyes again. You thought you’d heard a noise from outside the bathroom but you didn’t have the strength to get up and check. You shifted your legs slightly, feeling a warm, sticky sensation on your thigh that caught you by surprise. You opened your eyes and slowly sat up to find blood pooled around your legs.

The sight of so much blood shook you. You glanced across the room at your pants, sat on the floor where you’d pulled them off before stepping into the shower. There was a small blood stain in the fabric that you hadn’t noticed until now.

You knew what this meant. The abdominal cramping, the bleeding… it wasn’t hard to guess.

It was only a few days ago that you considered the option of having an abortion and were relieved to hear Lin and Vanessa agree.

You didn’t need a child right now. You didn’t have the time or the money to take care of one, nor did you even want to—at least not for another decade if at all. Still, there you sat on the bathroom floor in a pool of your own blood bursting into tears.

A knock at the door halted your thoughts.

“Y/N?” you heard Vanessa call out. “Are you okay?”

“I’m… I’m fine—” your voice cracked, revealing your emotional state.

“It’s been two hours, Y/N.” Lin pointed out. “Have you been in the bathroom this whole time?”

“I’m fine,” you repeated, more firmly. “I just need to be alone right now.”

You tried to stand up and grab a towel from the rack on the wall but slipped. You were mostly covered in blood, hardly able to get up off of the floor. The pain had only gotten worse over time. There was another knock at the door. You shouted back that you were fine, that you didn’t need help though it wasn’t true.

The sound of a key unlocking the door forced you to poorly cover yourself up with your hands, leaning against the cabinet underneath the sink. 

The door opened slowly, revealing the two of them shocked, standing in the doorway.

“There's so much blood. There’s so much blood. I can’t—” you managed. Your emotions rushed to the surface again, forcing you into tears.

Lin kneeled by your side, doing his best to comfort you. Though you felt slightly calmer beside him, even he couldn’t stop you from nearly hyperventilating.

“I can’t hold a job for more than a year, I can finish my degree, I can’t even keep a baby that I don’t want.” you finally said. “What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you.” he insisted, wiping the tears off of your face. “This isn’t your fault.”

You took his hand in yours, squeezing it as you struggled through the abdominal pain.

“I think I need to go to a hospital.” you managed, breathing heavily. “I need to see a doctor.”

-

They called for an ambulance and managed to clean you up and get clothes on you before EMS arrived. Though it was after 11 and he knowingly had to be up at 6:30 for work the next day, Lin insisted on going with you. Vanessa stayed home with Sebastian while he rode with you in the ambulance to the hospital.

Every bump in the road or hard turn was excruciating. Lin struggled to see you in so much pain. He held your hand through the whole thing, attempting to be supportive as he couldn’t do much else.

When you arrived, the doctor asked for both a blood and urine sample both to make sure that you were pregnant and to see what was causing the complications.

A tall male nurse offered you ibuprofen which you refused, despite still dealing with significant cramping. You had an allergy—or rather, a sensitivity to it. It was never an issue as you only experienced menstrual cramps maybe once in your life. Now, however, it seemed like a more pressing issue.

A few hours passed waiting for the results. The ER seemed particularly busy that evening. It was almost two in the morning and Lin was still by your side, though you felt a little guilty about messing with his schedule.

“You should go home.” you insisted. “You have to be up in a few hours.”

“I’m not leaving you.” he took your hand, lacing your fingers with his. “I’m here for you, Y/N. No matter what.”

You squeezed his hand, mostly because you were grateful for the support but also because you were still in pain.

After a few more minutes your doctor returned.

“Sorry to keep you both waiting.” Dr. Warring started, moving to your bedside. Her accent was somewhat comforting, if only because you weren’t used to it. She was dressed rather glamorously for a doctor, wearing an expensive looking dress and heels.

“Your HCG levels were higher than average but not as high as they would be during a typical pregnancy at this stage. It’s likely at this point given the heavy bleeding and cramping that you’re having a miscarriage.”

Your first reaction was to glance at Lin, who already seemed to be gauging your reaction.

You knew how you felt about having children and you were sure he felt the same way. Much like in the bathroom, however, you were feeling surprisingly emotional.

“Y/N, you said you were okay if you didn’t have this baby, right?” Lin did his best to reassure you. “We all agreed it would be best if you had it taken care of—”

“I know, so why the fuck am I so upset?” you managed, quickly wiping a tear away.

“We typically see this in women who had an unexpected miscarriage when they didn’t even realize they were pregnant because they weren’t able to make a decision for themselves.” Dr. Warring pointed out. “It can be emotionally taxing.”

“Yeah, I um…” you struggled to find the right words. “I guess.”

“If you have bleeding that soaks more than two maxi pads an hour for two hours or a fever greater than one-hundred and two, you should come back. Otherwise, it may take some time for this to pass. It really is different for everyone. You may experience cramping similar to early labor pain over the next several days.”

“Several days?” you repeated, hoping you misheard.

“Possibly,” she confirmed. “I’ll discharge you and you guys can go home.”

You and Lin took a cab home, where you slowly changed into comfortable clothes and curled up in bed. He brought you a bottle of hot water wrapped in a towel to attempt to stop the cramping. You tried to sleep beside him, but your symptoms made sleep nearly impossible.

Instead, you lied there, sweating bullets, clutching your abdomen while in the fetal position and tried to breathe through the pain.

It went on for hours. Things started to secede around six thirty when everyone else in the house was getting up. You got up, still a sweaty mess, and managed to slowly sip a cold bottle of water. You had virtually no appetite, so you made no attempt to eat anything though you knew you probably should have.

Knowing you’d likely be uncomfortable, Lin and Vanessa invited back Else, a middle-aged babysitter who they usually asked to look after Sebastian since their arrival in the UK.

“She’s also a postpartum doula,” Vanessa explained to you that morning.

“She’ll be really helpful to you through all of this—at least while Lin and I are at work.”

You were sitting on the couch in the living room while Vanessa talked to you from the kitchen. There was a faint sound of a car honking outside the house; Lin’s ride to work had arrived.

He went to the kitchen first, kissing both Vanessa and Sebastian goodbye. He headed to the living room, softly kissing your forehead before leaning down to kiss your lips.

“Feel better, Y/N. I love you.”

Else arrived a few minutes after Lin had left. She was kind hearted, a comforting persona while your significant others were gone.

She told you it was possible your pain would return. Sure enough, it did. After about an hour of sipping water and keeping Sebastian mildly entertained, you were nearly doubled over in pain. You slowly trekked back to your room and crawled into bed, assuming the fetal position. Else came in with a cool, damp washcloth which she placed over your forehead and a heating pad to hold over your abdomen. You barely mustered a “thank you” though you were incredibly grateful.

The pattern continued. Six to eight hours of horrendous cramps and an hour or two of peace to drink water and compose yourself.

Sebastian seemed confused as to why you didn’t want to play with him, which Else carefully tried to distract him from.

By the time Vanessa got home, you were exhausted. She gratefully thanked Else for her services, paid her for the day and stepped in, assuming her role. After beginning to prepare dinner for Sebastian, she headed to your room to check on you.

You were nearing the end of eight hours and your pain was fading. She helped you out of the room and into the living room, where she brought you another bottle of water and offered you food. Though you refused, she brought you something anyway.

“You can’t just stop eating. That’s gonna make all of this suck a little more. Eat something.”

Lin came home at his usual time. You did your best to not take up their time and let them be parents while their son was still awake. When Sebastian had gone to sleep, they turned their focus to you.

You were in Lin’s arms, leaning against him on the couch. The TV was on, an episode of House of Cards, while Vanessa sat on the other end of the room scrolling on her phone.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, running his fingers through your hair. “Drained,” you admitting, wiping more sweat from your forehead. “Exhausted, but if this keeps up I won’t be able to sleep tonight anyway.”

“You should try,” Vanessa suggested. “At least now, when it isn’t that bad. Maybe you’ll get an hour or two.”

You agreed and slowly headed down the hall to your bedroom. With the door cracked open, you could still hear Lin and Vanessa from the living room. You didn’t think much of it until you settled into your usual fetal position and paid more attention.

“This is all my fault.” you heard Lin say.

“It’s not.” V insisted. “Honestly, it’s her doctor’s fault for not inserting her birth control properly.”

“We could’ve used a condom. I could’ve been more careful.”

“You had no idea her birth control would fail. Neither did she. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

He sighed. “It’s just so hard seeing her suffer like this. I felt so guilty being at work today instead of being at home taking care of her.”

“We left her in good hands.” she reminded him. “This won’t last forever. She’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

There was a pain in your abdomen that wasn’t cramping. You felt guilt if anything. Lin was blaming himself for something was entirely your fault.

You couldn’t shake the feeling even as he crawled into bed with you that night. You pretended to be asleep to avoid confrontation. Instead, you curled up against him. It was all you could do to express how much you valued having him around. It was the only way you could reassure him that it wasn’t his fault.

The pain kept on all through Tuesday. By Wednesday, you were more frustrated than anything. You wanted it to be over, desperately.

As the afternoon rolled around, you noticed a change in your usual routine. 

The pain didn’t last for hours, instead only a few seconds at a time before vanishing for an hour or so.

When Vanessa came home around five, you updated both her and Else on your change in condition.

“Sounds like you’re having contractions.” Else pointed out. “Hopefully that means this is over soon.”

Though they weren’t nearly as painful as the contraction of someone who was actually pregnant, they kept a consistent pace. By the time Lin had gotten home your pain was a few minutes apart. An end was in sight, and you had numerous amounts support to help get you through it.

Finally, it was over. The small remnants of the baby that once was had left your body along with copious amounts of blood. Though you couldn’t actually see it (it was no larger than a poppy seed at only four weeks), your contractions had reached a peak and subsided entirely, which likely meant it was gone.

The sanitary pad you were using was carefully tied up in a small plastic bag, sitting at the top of a half empty garbage can in the bathroom.

“Say what you have to say,” V suggested, catching you off-guard.

“What?”

“Else says talking to it can help with closure. So talk.”

“I… you want me to talk to it?”

“How else do you expect to begin to recover emotionally?” she pointed out.

Though what she said kind of made sense, it was still an odd concept.

“Well… what about Lin?”

“Lin’s body didn’t put him through hell for three days trying to get rid of it. You need closure.”

You stared down at the trash. The bag was white so you couldn’t see what was inside but you knew it was there.

“You were…” you paused, trying to think of the right words. “You were conceived here—well actually you were conceived in Lin’s dressing room but it was definitely on this continent—so it’s only fair that your time ended here… I guess.”

Vanessa waited patiently for you to continue.

“It was better that it ended now, this way. Trump is president. You would’ve deserved better than that.”

You could see V trying not to giggle at your comment and take it seriously. You appreciated that she found it funny but chose not to laugh out of respect to you.

“I guess that’s it.”

“You’re sure?”

You nodded slowly. She pulled the lining from the trash can, tying it together in a knot at the top.

“I’ll bring this outside.”

-

That night was the first night you’d slept in a long time. You ended up in their bed between the two of them. It wasn’t exactly the most comfortable experience, but having them sleep on either side of you felt surprisingly supportive. Considering how exhausted you were, you slept through the night.

At seven they were up, accidentally waking you with their hushed conversation as Lin was getting ready to leave. They must’ve seen you stirring awake because they were immediately apologetic.

“Sorry, Y/N. We didn’t mean to wake you.”

“We were just talking about how I’d stay behind today,” Vanessa added. “I figured you could use a familiar face around the house.”

“Oh no, V, you should go to work.” you insisted half-heartedly.

“Too late, I’m staying.”

“I wish I could do the same.” Lin pointed out, shortly followed by the sound of a car honking outside; his usual ride to work had arrived.

“I’ll see you later, Y/N.” he kissed you briefly before heading out of the room.

“You can go back to sleep if you want.” you heard her insist.

Though you wanted to be polite and protest, you were still really tired. You nodded slowly, turning over and falling asleep a few minutes later.

-

When you did finally get up, it was eleven according to the clock on the bedside table. You felt kind of guilty for sleeping through the day, but your exhaustion had faded nonetheless.

When you had showered and changed, V suggested a trip to the park. It was only a few blocks from their house and would get you out of the house for the first time since Sunday while keeping Sebastian entertained.

It wasn’t until you’d stepped outside with them that you realized how long it had been since you’d gone outside; felt the cool air against your skin and the warm sun on your face.

Sat on a bench in the park while V kept a close eye on her son, you kept waiting for the sun to make you feel better. You knew sunlight was supposed to make people feel happier—especially after they hadn’t seen it in a while—but you didn’t feel any better.

“Are you okay?” she asked, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Why do I feel terrible even though I’m not in any pain?” you asked, kind of hoping she had the perfect answer.

“It happens.” was all she said.

“I overheard you guys the other night,” you confessed. “Lin thinks this is his fault, but it’s not. It’s mine.”

“It’s not either of your faults. You can’t blame yourself for this, it was entirely out of your control.”

“I feel so ashamed.” There were tears welling up in your eyes that you tried to fight. “I feel embarrassed. I was going to get rid of it and I couldn’t even keep it long enough to do that. I couldn’t even reproduce without complications. I didn’t even want to, and I couldn’t. Doesn’t that make me like, a failing part of the human race or something?”

“It makes you human.” She put her arm around you. “Millions of people have had miscarriages and gone on to have children with no complications. You’re not at fault for anything, and you're not any less of a person because of it.”

“Then why does it feel like I am? Why can’t I stop blaming myself for this?”

“You need to stop overthinking.” she took your hand. “I know how to help.”

-

Later that day when Lin had arrived home from work and Sebastian was asleep for the night, Vanessa headed to the kitchen, where you watched her open a cabinet and reach toward the back of the top shelf. She struggled for a bit but managed to grab one of the small vials stored there.

“Are you sure about this, V?” Lin tried to deter her. “Maybe we could try something different.”

“Why?” she paused.

“I don’t know I…” he glanced at you as if he was desperate to protect you. “I don’t wanna corrupt her.”

Vanessa giggled at the concept. “Oh come on, Lin. You think this is going to corrupt her? She’s an adult. Besides, if it works for you, why can’t it work for her?”

She turned to you then.

“Here,” she removed the cap, revealing a dropper full of tinted green liquid. “Open your mouth, lift your tongue.”

“Wait, what?” you took a step back. “What is that?”

“Just trust me.”

After a moment of hesitation, you did what she asked. The liquid didn’t taste like anything you were familiar with.

“It’s a cannabis tincture.” she finally admitted.

“Ca—that’s pot?”

“That’s why we keep it so high, so Sebastian doesn’t have any way of accidentally finding it.” she stored the vial safely back on the top shelf before closing the cabinet.

“Why did you give me that?”

“You’ll understand in a few hours.” she insisted. “You just have to trust me. It’s not a hallucinogen.”

After fifteen minutes or so, the effects what she’d given you had begun to arrive. You felt calmer, more content, and less anxious. It was the first time since Sunday that you didn’t feel entirely hopeless.

Ninety minutes in, you felt more relaxed than you’d ever been before. You were curled up on the couch beside Lin, watching the TV though you weren’t entirely sure what was on.

“I didn’t even know you could use marijuana like this,” you spoke slowly, glancing at Vanessa who was on her laptop on the other end of the couch. “This shit is fantaaaaastic. How did you even know about this?”

“You’re asking how V, chemical engineer extraordinaire, knew about this?” he teased.

“He’s exaggerating, I found it online. We used to smoke it normally, but then we stopped after I got pregnant, and once Sebastian came along we had to find another method because smoke inhalation was dangerous around the baby. So I did some research and found this. It takes a little work but you can make it in batches and it lasts a really long time, so it works.”

“How come you guys never told me about this before?” 

“It’s not really something to talk about,” he reassured you. “We don’t use it all that often.”

“Just after a particularly stressful day,” Vanessa added. “Or when either of us has trouble sleeping.”

“I only really use it when my mind is racing. Too many thoughts, too many ideas all at once. It just helps to slow things down. Which I assume is why V thought it would be good for you.”

She nodded. “You’re doing much better than you were before at the park.”

You sat up, stretching your arms a bit. “I just feel like I can breathe.”

You turned to Lin, who seemed content that you were feeling better and slightly amused by your persona under the influence. “I know you thought it was your fault,” you started. “All this. But it wasn’t.”

“Y/N—” he tried, likely wanting to avoid a difficult conversation.

“No, I need to talk now. You talk a lot, Lin. I don’t know if you knew that, but you talk a lot. It’s my turn to talk.”

He chuckled. “Okay.”

“You thought it was your fault but it wasn’t. I kind of thought it was my fault. I’m pretty sure I’m still going to feel really ashamed and guilty when all of this is over, and I’m not really sure why. But I have to realize that this was out of my control. It was out of all of our control, and it’s going to take me some time to see that. That it was out of my control I mean.”

Lin smiled. “Well said.”

-

Though your emotional state seemed to improve with time, you knew you couldn’t stay there forever. You knew you’d have to go home eventually and go back to work, pay rent and live with your shitty roommates, and maintain your responsibilities.

On Saturday, Lin willingly deleted twitter from his phone in order to dedicate all of his free time to you. You knew he meant well, but you couldn’t shake the guilt that came from seeing them try so hard to make you feel better.

Though you didn’t exactly feel ready, on Saturday night you proposed going home on Monday to both of them.

“Are you sure?” Lin seemed hesitant to let you go both from the country and from his arm, which around your waist as you spoke.

“I mean I feel better physically, I’ve even stopped bleeding. I just… I need to go home and be an adult.”

“You think you’ll be okay by yourself?” Vanessa pressed.

“I’ll admit it won’t be easy not having you guys as a support system for a while, but you’ll be back in June. Honestly, the only reason I improved as much as I did is because I was here with you in the first place. If I was home alone… I don't know what I would’ve done.”

“Okay well…” Lin sighed but seemed sure about respecting your decision. “I’ll buy you a plane ticket.”

-

On Monday morning, there was a cab waiting outside to take you to the airport. You were still prepared to second guess your decision as Lin helped you with your suitcase.

“Call us if you need anything, okay? Day or night.” Vanessa followed you out to the curb, Sebastian in hand.  “I don’t care if it’s three in the morning here. Call us.”

“I will.” you assured her. “I’ll be okay.”

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Lin asked, for the hundredth time. “You know you’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like. We’d be happy to have you.”

“I can’t leave my job in the states.” you pointed out. “I have to be strong. If you ask me again I’m going to change my mind.”

With that, he pulled you into a hug, kissing the top of your head. “I love you. Please stay in touch. We’ll be home soon.”

“I will.” you hugged as tight as you could, trying to hold on to the memory as long as you could. It would be awhile before you saw him again. In person, anyway.

You hugged Vanessa as well.

“I slipped a cannabis tincture into your suitcase,” she whispered. “If you need it.”

You kissed her cheek as you pulled away. “Thank you.”

As your cab pulled away with you in the backseat, you felt it sink in. The fear, the uncertainty, the loneliness that you were forced to face on your own. Suddenly you realized you weren’t ready to go back at all. Still, you forced yourself to go anyway.

You’d already faced hell that week. Surely it couldn’t get any worse.

Even if it did, support was only an ocean away.

[maggiehanhamgrad701]

Paris Little Story

At the age of 16 I started menstruating. I spent my pre-teen years longing for my body to catch up with the other girls in my class. Desperate to join in on the trips to the bathroom with my tampons and moan about my cramps at lunch time. If I had any idea of what my body would go through in the coming years, I would have relished in my pre-menstruation phase a whole lot more.

At 19 I started experiencing pain with my period that I was becoming increasingly skeptical of. I was aware that being a woman meant living in pain, multiple aspects of a woman’s life is based around this concept. “Beauty is pain”. “Everyone gets cramps, suck it up”. I spent many years of my life just accepting that I had to endure pain, that’s just the way it is. I’m not talking about a little discomfort or a few ovary stabs throughout the day. I mean cramps so bad you want to vomit. Turning up to work and being sent home because you can’t even walk and you look like a ghost. Being so nauseous it makes you pass out. Bussing home from uni because you can’t physically sit through another lecture. Getting hot flashes and sweating while you are in an air conditioned library. I was sure something wasn’t right.

I did some googling, tried not to get too lost down the WebMD rabbit hole, and figured out that most of what I was experiencing matched with the symptoms of endometriosis. I knew 1 friend that had been diagnosed with endo in school, other than that I’d never heard the word before - or seen it anywhere. So I made some notes, and went to the doctor. I showed her my list of symptoms and told her “I think I have endometriosis”. I know that self-diagnosis is a pet-peeve of medical professionals, but in this case I believed I had a strong case. I asked to be referred to a specialist and my doctor obliged. During my first appointment with my gynaecologist I explained my symptoms and she told me I 99% had endo, and that she would like to operate on me to diagnose and excise it (take it out). Currently a laparoscopic surgery is the only way to diagnose endometriosis.

Deciding to have the diagnostic surgery was a really hard decision for me. I’d never had surgery before and it seemed like such a drastic measure to go to for my reproductive organs. I believe this kind of thinking came from the idea that women’s health takes a backseat in the medical sphere to make way for other, more ‘urgent’ conditions and matters. I just want to unpack that a little by noting that your health is of the utmost importance. What you are experiencing does not matter less because people are experiencing worse things. When faced with the idea of having surgery I was hesitant because I was so scared that they wouldn’t find anything, and I would be embarrassed.

I thought that I might as well have the surgery and if they didn’t find anything I would have a fun story to tell. They did find stage 4 endometriosis in my bowel, pouch of douglas and uterus. Also 2 fun cysts wrapped around one of my ovaries were removed. I was so relieved to know that my pain wasn’t normal and that it wasn’t just in my head. This was the most important thing to me.

The recovery from surgery only took about 2 weeks. The real kicker is that endometriosis has no cure. Which makes it by definition a chronic illness - it grows back. Treatment is designed to slow the growth of the endometriosis after surgery. Treatment is mainly hormonal, such as contraceptive pills, IUDs and in some cases doctors even suggest pregnancy (!!!), hysterectomy or use hormones to induce premature menopause! I have only just started exploring Chinese medicine after years of hormonal treatment which has left me with just as much pain as before surgery. I use ibuprofen and Panadol - which barely even touches the sides of my pain. I have never been prescribed anything stronger than this despite asking for something stronger and explaining my pain.  I use heat packs, the Ovira TENS machine, massages, a vegan diet, curling up on the floor until the pain subsides (can be hours).

This illness costs me all of my sick days at work, plus when I run out I have to take unpaid leave on really bad days (I can't work from home).  The pain is unpredictable, you could have plans for a specific day and in the morning your body could have a flare up, and you're no longer able to go because of the pain. I'm incredibly lucky to have supportive and understanding friends and family - but I still feel a level of guilt when I 'let' endo affect my life.

The catch with having an invisible illness is that you have nothing to ‘show’ for the pain you are experiencing. Hence the ‘invisible’ part. My stomach doesn’t bruise, I don’t have a cast, or an outside wound to show people. It can be incredibly frustrating at times, with most of your negative feelings channeled towards yourself, and your own body. If someone close to you is struggling with an invisible illness - the best thing you can do is believe them.

[thebeafeminist]

My Feminist Gut

In my first-year seminar class Speculative Feminism and Sustainable Futures, we were assigned an excerpt from the book Gut Feminism by Elizabeth A. Wilson that I found very refreshing to read as it related to myself and my current experience. In my first semester, I suffered from an undiagnosed and misdiagnosed gastrointestinal condition that made it increasingly difficult for me to attend class and focus on my academic work. My family, friends and medical professionals denied my claim to have a real illness and decided it was a mental health issue. I needed to “push through”, or “suck it up”. 

Gut Feminism talks about the belly and being, making a fundamental connection between gut pain and depression. Wilson urges feminists to not overlook biological data and instead use them to give feminist arguments power. She says that for too long, “antibiologist” sentiments have been embraced by feminists, and that in general feminist theory mistrusts natural science: “While feminists have engaged carefully with, say, ethnographic data or sociological data or historical data to build new theories of gender and sexuality, we have been less enthusiastic about data from the natural sciences In relation to that kind of data we have been almost uniformly

suspicious” (Wilson 29).

In fact, Wilson argues, biology and other hard sciences can be used to empower women by challenging the claims that women’s health issues are “all in their heads.” Wilson writes, “If feminist theory is to continue to make trouble, it will need to form intimate and unruly alliances with biological data. We need these kind of alliances with biology not just in relation to depression; more generally they help unsettle the political certainties of what we think we stand for, what we think we stand against, and where we stand when we make political gestures” (Wilson 35). By founding theory in data, scientific research, and biological fact, feminists can help women defend themselves against the many ways in which the healthcare industry denies them power and independence. 

 Wilson’s theoretical discussion reflects my narrative of how I was sick and misdiagnosed, which led to further anxiety and depression, alienation from friends and family, and poorer performance in school. After this experience, I began to research how women are mistreated and abused by the medical profession. There is a direct and documented link between sexism,  the refusal to believe women when they listen to their bodies, and poor health outcomes, especially for young women. According to one BBC report, “Women are more likely to wait longer for a health diagnosis and to be told it’s ‘all in their heads’. That can be lethal: diagnostic errors cause 40,000-80,000 deaths in the US alone” (Dusenbery).  

My most sacred and known quality is my motivation, but through this battle, I felt it slowly drift away. That’s when I knew my sickness was affecting my mental health. My energy and lust for life were fading out of my life as I found myself stuck and questioning my ability to go through with college. Everything that was important to me was slowly being taken away from me because I was sick and no one knew why or understood me. 

The minute I arrived at Pitzer College, my dream school, I felt worried about my academic and social capabilities in relation to other kids. Searching for classes and hearing fellow kids talk about how easy the classes were made me feel more and more like an imposter. I kept asking myself, “Why am I worthy enough to come to Pitzer College?” I was questioning myself and felt my once beaming confidence shrink. As I began to meet with professors, however, I felt as though I was in good hands and they understood my hearing loss and disabilities. Due to my deafness, I’ve suffered major learning delays which left me developmentally lagging in comparison to other kids my age I was reminded of this in college: when my peers talked out loud in class, or when I was in a meeting with a professor, I would leave stunned and berating myself for not knowing what they were articulating. I never gave myself a break or congratulated myself for “making it.” Instead I chose to beat myself up for not being knowledgeable enough.

Suddenly, I started to gain my speed in my classes and I forced myself to share my work or my thoughts even when I felt my anxiety choking me. I would leave class with a huge smile on my face and thinking to myself how good it felt to push myself into the spotlight. I was handing in my best work in all of my classes, delivering great presentations, and sharing articulate thoughts. I still had a feeling of anxiety spread throughout my body, but that is something I have suffered throughout my life, and my natural reaction to doing something I really care about. 

Then almost overnight, my stomach began cramping up and caused me to have very irregular bowel movements. I woke up from a sluggish night of sleep, got to the dining hall, and ate a full meal, which angered my stomach even more. I felt defeated but still dragged myself to my class with the same enthusiasm. Then I sat in the bathroom contemplating what to do with the next class that I had prepared hours worth of notes for. I went up to the professor and said with the utmost sincerity, “I can’t make it to class, I am so sorry.” Then it went from one class missed to handfuls of classes. My friends began to judge me, and ask  “Why aren’t you just going to class?” My parents called me up and said, “You have to go to class!” I wanted nothing more than to continue the good streak I had started. Now reading email after email I sent to my professors, I can see my confidence deteriorating as  my happiness eroded. I no longer felt that I was in college, but rather in a prison of my own mind with constant thoughts of disappointment and confusion. Each night I would look up stomach issues. I found article after article about anxiety, bad diet, IBS, ulcers, etc. I researched  doctors to go see in my area, and I made an appointment in NYC with a great gastrointestinal doctor. I flew back to New York with happiness that I was back home where I felt comfortable and escaped my mind for a couple of days. 

I met with the doctor and felt eager to find out what was wrong with me. I told him the entire story and explained how the stomach issues had worsened, my symptoms, and what I thought the diagnosis might be. He assured me it was probably IBS exacerbated by anxiety, and I felt tears stream down my face. Anxiety? He didn’t even consider anything else, but the fact it had to be my mental health. He told me to try peppermint pills that should calm down my stomach, and I practically had to beg him to give me an antibiotic, which he prescribed and told me not take unless absolutely necessary. Then, he told me of the LOW FODMAP diet which is supposed to cut out tons of problematic foods for people who suffer from IBS, and he said I shouldn’t do it since it’s very restrictive for someone who is in college. Later that day, I had an appointment with my physician, who told me to take the antibiotics and offered an anti-anxiety medication. 

I later discovered that by accepting this diagnosis, I was reinforcing the ongoing mistreatment of women in medicine. According to an article in U.S. News and World Report,  “This knowledge gap and this trust gap can be so mutually reinforcing because if a woman is going to a doctor and describing symptoms and being told it’s just stress, and maybe she's depressed, she'll usually go to another one and another one. And maybe four doctors down the line, she might get diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, but those four doctors that she saw won't get the memo about that. It makes them have a false sense of confidence in their diagnostic skills and also means each time that happens it reinforces the stereotype that women are especially prone to symptoms that are all in their head.” (Levy).

After a long day full of doctor visits I flew back to Claremont and saw a dietician who helped me implement the LOW FODMAP diet. I started following it religiously, shopping for myself and spending hours checking labels. I ended up eating almost nothing throughout the day at school. I would spend my days with no food and then when dinner came I would eat rice and vegetables. I no longer had any desire to care for myself as everyone else seemed to turn a blind eye. My life became bleak and dull as I canceled more and more plans and holed up in my room.  My friends were becoming cattier with me as I couldn’t show up and eat in the dining halls anymore. 

One morning I woke up and felt tears stream down my face as my stomach was in pain more excruciating than it had ever been before. My dad told me to go to the Emergency Room. When I  told the lady at reception what I was there for, she snapped at me. I went outside and found my dad and started bawling and shaking, overwhelmed and disappointed in this whole situation. We went into the building and I was admitted to a bed and waited for hours to get a doctor to look at my blood, x-rays, and physical. The doctor came in and told me that through the X-ray he could see major blockages in my stomach, but nothing to be concerned about. He simply prescribed me over-the-counter stomach medicines that I already had tried. Through exhaustion and annoyance I just accepted it and tried to push back the ferocious anger about to spill out of me. That Tuesday I went to class, and my stomach grumbled so loudly I felt my whole body turn hot and red. I was so embarrassed, but I laughed it off as if it was nothing. As the class went on I got up to drink water and relieve my horrific anxiety. Then I went back to feeling vomit rising in my throat. I made it to the restroom, and felt torn as to whether I should go back to class or not. I decided to run back to my dorm and congratulated myself for making it safely. In the next class, my stomach went through the same routine. 

After being so humiliated and stumped I felt confused as to what was wrong with my body. I started eating less and less and getting colonics just to make it to classes. I was torturing my body because I had no other solution. I was assigned a therapist and put on a small dosage of Lexapro. I felt inadequate and felt that everyone was judging me because they didn’t know why I wasn’t showing up to classes. I was questioning my own ability to go to Pitzer College. I arrived at the conclusion that my only solution was to take an incomplete to pursue further medical assistance. I sent emails to all of my professors, who responded with sincerity and agreed with my course of action. Then, I spoke to my parents. They were very upset with me and felt that I shouldn’t have done that. They were threatening to take my vacation away from me and were begging me to reverse the incomplete. At this point, I couldn’t gather any strength or energy to fight with them. So, it felt that no one cared about my stomach issues and that everyone was treating me as a failing student. I was angry that no one seemed to believe me and my medical issues as if I wanted to not show up to class after doing extensive work to prepare. I wonder how people would have reacted if my leg was broken. 

My parents were frustrated and decided to fly me back to NYC to get an endoscopy. I went in hoping they would finally find something and I went under anesthesia and the doctor told me that they took some biopsies and there was an alarming amount of acid and inflammation in my stomach. No kidding. I looked at my mother in an I told you so kind of way. Days later, in Los Angeles, I received the report that I had high amounts of H. Pylori bacteria’/ in my large intestine, which left untreated can become ulcers or cancer. A wave of relief washed over me as I knew for certain something was wrong, even if I stuck to my gut to fight for an answer.  I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. I was prescribed three different types of antibiotics which made me feel very nauseous and tired, but it didn’t matter to me as long as I was finally getting better.

Today, I look back at this semester and connect my misdiagnosed stomach illness to my delayed diagnosis of profound hearing loss. As a child, my desire to communicate caused considerable frustration which led me to throw tantrums. The people around me felt tired, angry, and labeled me, “a nightmare.” Being deaf and not understood led me to feel alone and isolated, something  I have felt throughout my first semester of college. 

I went through months full of anxiety and depression dealing with this stomach issue. The only person who understood was me. It was an internal problem, so people chose to dismiss my illness, which made me feel guilty that perhaps I was faking it. Instead of taking action, they chose to dope me up on anti-anxiety medications and send me to a therapist. It wasn’t the right solution to my stomach issues, which remained until they were properly diagnosed with good science and good medicine. As Elizabeth Wilson says, “My argument is not that the gut contributes to minded states, but that the gut is an organ of mind: it ruminates, deliberates, comprehends” (Wilson, 5). 

There is a gender bias in health care that leads to poorer outcomes for women. Women with health issues are often disbelieved and disregarded by those around them and those treating them. This skepticism leads to poorer health care and serious, sometimes fatal consequences. I am hoping this paper encourages all women who feel that their bodies are misunderstood or misrepresented to challenge doctors and other authority figures. Our society needs to encourage young women to listen to their bodies and insist that they receive the proper health care that they need, rather than dismissing them. If, as Elizabeth Wilson says, we can inform this self-assertion with good science, we can finally enforce real change for women’s health.  

Sources:

Dusenbery, Maya. “'Everybody Was Telling Me There Was Nothing Wrong'.” BBC Future, BBC, 

29 May 2018, https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180523-how-gender-bias-affects-your-healthcare.

Levy, Gabrielle. “Why Women Struggle to Get Doctors to Believe Them.” U.S. News & World

Report, U.S. News & World Report, https://www.usnews.com/news/the-report/articles/2018-04-20/why-women-struggle-to-get-doctors-to-believe-them.

[diyeverydayinfo-blog]

6 Amazingly Awesome Superfoods You Need To Know

There is an argument that if you always eat a well-balanced diet, you shouldn’t really become deficient in any particular nutrients that you body needs. And, in my very un-scientific opinion, that is probably correct. However, modern life does not always make it easy for everyone to eat a well-balanced diet and there are other factors, such as physical and mental exertion, illness, stress, the actual nutritional quality of our foods, etc, that can result in the deficiency of certain important nutritional elements in our bodies. For that reason, nutritional supplements can offer support and an insurance, so we’ve picked out some of our favourites that can be easily added to your daily diet. ** This post may contain affiliate links. Visit disclosure for more info.** 1. Moringa You may have never heard of moringa before, but many food companies have already started adding it to their nutrition bars, protein powders, juices and shakes, so I can guarantee it is something you are going to start spotting everywhere soon, if you haven’t already. So, what is moringa exactly? Well, this ancient plant is not new to the health food market – it’s actually been in stores for the last decade or so, but it seems to be being advocated a lot more by the healthy-eating community recently as potentially one of the most beneficial superfoods on the planet. Moringa olefeira, to use it’s full name, is also known as the drumstick tree, the benzoil tree and the horseradish tree. It is native to Northern India and its leaves have potent antioxidant and powerful anti-inflammatory properties. It has numerous reputed benefits and has been used for generations all over the world to help treat all kinds of ailments, from diabetes to kidney stones and arthritis. It can also help with thyroid disorders and allergies and has even been shown to increase the volume of breast-milk supply. Only quite recently have scientists started to demonstrate some of these reputed benefits under trial conditions and below we’ve summarised some of them for you. Fantastic source of vitamins A, C and K. It also contains potassium, calcium and amino acids. Protects the liver Possesses antibacterial, anti fungal and antimicrobial properties May lower blood sugar Lowers cholesterol Boosts immunity Can improve digestion May help to reduce inflammation Moringa has a slightly earthy flavour to it and has been compared to matcha green tea and spinach. The most popular way to take it is in powder form with your protein drink or morning smoothie, but it is also available in capsule form. MRM, Raw Organic Moringa Powder, 8.5 oz (240 g) Organic India, Moringa, 90 Veggie Caps 2. Pycnogenol This is another one that seems to be massively under-rated and under-used. The strangely-named Pycnogenol (pronounced pick-nodge-en-oll) is a French maritime pine bark extract that is reported to provide a huge range of health benefits. It is an extremely powerful anti-oxidant and a potent anti-inflammatory that can help to reduce a lot of the free radical damage that increases as we age. It is said that Pycnogenol is 20 times more effective than Vitamin C in the body and 50 times stronger than Vitamin E. Some of the main benefits claimed include: Lowers blood pressure Lowers blood sugars Improves circulation Reduces inflammation Improves skin smoothness and elasticity Strengthen capillaries and blood vessels Improves erectile dysfunction Improves memory and focus And those taking Pycnogenol have reported a great deal of relief from a number of chronic medical conditions, including: Allergies Arthritis Asthma Diabetes DVT High blood pressure High cholesterol Hypertension Menstrual cramps In addition, studies have shown that Pycnogenol to be a powerful and effective (and safer) alternative to aspirin as a blood thinner. I discovered it over 10 years’ ago myself and both use and recommend Pharma Nord Bio-Pycnogenol and Healthy Origins, but you’re welcome to try another brand! Healthy Origins, Pycnogenol, 100 mg, 60 Veggie Caps 3. Spirulina Spirulina is a blue-green algae that grows in both fresh and salt water lakes, rivers and ponds. It’s basically the green scum you see on the surface of pond water, but it’s really good for you! It is packed full of nutrients and has numerous evidence-based health benefits. Gram for gram, it is one of the most nutritious food substances on the planet. It is super-rich in bio-available vitamins A, B1, B2, B6 and K, as well as protein, iron and calcium. Major health benefits: Powerful anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties May reduce blood pressure (a major risk factor for many diseases) Reduces symptoms of allergic rhinitis, e.g. sneezing, itching and nasal congestion May improve endurance and muscle strength May help to control blood sugar levels Can lower LDL, Triglyceride and total cholesterol levels, while raising HDL cholesterol Detoxification effect – high in chlorophyll, which can remove toxins from the blood Fortunately, you don’t need to suck it out of your local pond with a straw and it comes in a convenient tablet, capsule and powder form. We recommend the powder form, which you can easily stick in your morning smoothie. MRM, RAW Spirulina Powder, 8.5 oz (240 g) Healthy Origins, Organic Spirulina, 500 mg, 720 Tablets 4. Mangosteen I first encountered this slightly odd-looking fruit with an unusual flavour while in Asia, having never seen them before in Europe or North America. The fruits are quite expensive to buy, so not something you’re necessarily going to be consuming on a regular basis. I’ve eaten them from time to time over the last few years and I was quite surprised to find out that mangosteen is a real superfood with some amazing health benefits. Regulates blood pressure Boosts the immune system Prevents acne Helps weight loss Contains powerful antioxidants (xanthones) that have been shown to have anti-cancer properties It is not so easy to find them in the supermarkets, so fortunately, you can buy it in powder form and use it in cooking and smoothies for convenience. Source Naturals, Mangosteen, 187.5 mg, 60 Tablets Biofinest Mangosteen Juice Powder 5. Baobab In Africa, the fruit of the Baobab tree has been used medicinally for many centuries for all kinds of ailments. The tree can also be found in Australia and the Middle East. It contains more than 10 times the amount of vitamin C found in the equivalent serving of fresh oranges and also provides loads of beneficial minerals, including calcium, magnesium, copper, iron, potassium and zinc. As with a lot of these superfoods, more research needs to be done to support the claims with scientific evidence, but the main reputed benefits are as follows: Boosts the immune system Build bone strength Reduces inflammation Lowers blood pressure Supports skin health Relieves gastrointestinal problems Since you can’t really find fresh baobab fruit outside the region where the trees grow, it is fortunate that it is available in powder form. Mix it in with your smoothies, with yoghurt, milk or cereals for an added antioxidant boost. California Gold Nutrition, Superfoods, Organic Baobab Powder 6. Turmeric Turmeric is a bright golden-orange spice that is grown in India and other area sin Asia and, like many of the foods now dubbed a ‘superfood’, the health benefits of turmeric have been known for thousands of years. You may have encountered it in its spice-form in Indian curries, stir fries or soups. One of the main ingredients in turmeric is curcumin, which is a powerful antioxidant and anti-inflammatory. You’ll notice that all of the superfood supplements in this post have beneficial effects against inflammation, which modern medicine sees as the root cause of many chronic conditions and diseases. So, if you can reduce inflammation within your body, you’re gonna be healthier for it. Other benefits of turmeric include: May improve memory and lower risk of Alzheimer’s disease May have anti-cancer properties Can ease arthritic joint pain May be cardio-protective May help ease indigestion The best way to take turmeric is in its raw powder form, but it is also available in capsule and liquid form.  

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Symptoms, Baby Development And Body Changes

S y m p t o m s , Baby D e v e l o p m e n t And B o d y Changes

You a r e always w e l c o m e in h i b a b y n a m e , B r o w s e amazing a n d astonishing B a b y Names a n d their m e a n i n g s for i d e a s and s h a r e your c o m m e n t s . E n j o y !

I m a g e : Shutterstock

W e e k 32 i s the t i m e you e n t e r the t h i r d trimester. Y o u r baby’s g r o w t h has p i c k e d up t h e pace, a n d you a r e closer t o your d u e date. C u r i o u s to k n o w the d e v e l o p m e n t s in y o u r pregnancy d u r i n g this w e e k ? Momjunction t e l l s you e v e r y t h i n g , right f r o m the s i z e of y o u r baby t o the f o o d s you s h o u l d eat a n d avoid, d u r i n g this w e e k . Read o n .

H o w Many M o n t h s Are 3 2 Weeks I n Pregnancy?

I f you a r e in t h e 32nd w e e k of p r e g n a n c y , it m e a n s you a r e eight m o n t h s pregnant. I t means y o u are s i x to e i g h t weeks a w a y from h a v i n g your b a b y because t h e full t e r m is 4 0 weeks, b u t the d e l i v e r y can h a p p e n anytime b e t w e e n 38 a n d 40 w e e k s . Therefore, y o u r baby i s almost f u l l y grown b y now.

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Sponsored

S i z e Of T h e Baby A t 32 W e e k s

Y o u r baby i s about t h e size o f a s q u a s h . During 3 2 weeks o f pregnancy, y o u r baby i s about 4 2 c m (16in) l o n g and w e i g h s 1-1.8kg ( 3 to 4 l b ) (1).

I n a t w i n pregnancy, e a c h twin m a y be a r o u n d the s a m e length a n d weight a s a s i n g l e t o n baby. H o w e v e r , one t w i n could b e slightly b i g g e r than t h e other. B y this t i m e , the b a b y attains a body s i z e proportionate t o their h e a d .

Y o u r baby h a s all t h e i r organs f u n c t i o n i n g .

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B a b y Development A t 32 W e e k s Of Pregnancy

Y o u r baby i s matured a n d fattening. T h e y are p r e p a r i n g to a t t a i n the o p t i m a l birthing p o s i t i o n (vertex p r e s e n t a t i o n ) (2) i n s i d e the w o m b . Let u s see t h e developments h a p p e n i n g during t h i s week ( 3 ) , (4), ( 5 ) :

B o d y parts D e v e l o p m e n t stage Skin S o f t e r and s m o o t h e r . A t h i c k coat o f vernix c a s e o s a is f o r m e d over t h e skin Eyes B e g i n to o p e n and c l o s e Ears A l m o s t developed. T h e y can h e a r and r e c o g n i z e the s o u n d s Fingers S e p a r a t e d from e a c h other. T h e baby s t a r t s sucking t h e thumb T a s t e buds C o m p l e t e l y formed. T h e baby c a n recognize s w e e t and s o u r tastes Lungs A l m o s t developed. T h e baby p r a c t i c e s to b r e a t h e using t h e muscles a s they i n h a l e the a m n i o t i c fluid Genitals Boys: Testicle d e s c e n d i n g into t h e scrotum Girls: Clitoris h a v e developed a n d partially c o v e r e d by t h e labia Bones H a r d e n e d except t h e skull b o n e s Lanugo S t a r t s disappearing Hair G e t t i n g thicker Nails F i n g e r n a i l s and t o e n a i l s are g r o w n till t h e fingertips

T h e week 3 2 is s i g n i f i c a n t as t h e fetus s t a r t s moving i n t o an o p t i m a l birthing p o s i t i o n . It a l s o marks v a r i o u s changes i n the f e t a l movements.

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F e t a l Position A n d Movements A t 32 W e e k s

T h e baby m o v e s into a head-down p o s i t i o n . This m a k e s the b a b y fit p r o p e r l y in t h e pelvis, m a k i n g their m o v e m e n t easier t h r o u g h the b i r t h i n g canal d u r i n g delivery.

I f the b a b y is i n the b o t t o m – d o w n – p o s i t i o n , it i s called a breech p r e s e n t a t i o n . But t h e baby s t i l l has t i m e to f l i p to t h e optimal p o s i t i o n before b i r t h . The b o d y produces e n o u g h amniotic f l u i d as y o u approach t h e due d a t e to f a c i l i t a t e your b a b y ’ s movements.

F e t a l movements

A t 32 w e e k s , your b a b y is b i g enough a n d may f i n d little s p a c e to m o v e around f r e e l y . The r e s t r i c t e d movements c a n make y o u feel t h e baby w i g g l e and t a p instead o f roll.

T h e punches a n d kicks m a y not b e as s t r o n g as t h e ones y o u felt e a r l i e r . You m a y also f e e l the b a b y ’ s hiccups.

A s the b a b y spends m o r e time s l e e p i n g , the m o v e m e n t s will b e fewer.

G o t an i d e a what y o u r baby w i l l be l i k e during t h i s week? N o w , let’s s e e how y o u are a r o u n d this t i m e .

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W h a t Are T h e Symptoms O f 32 W e e k s Pregnancy?

H e r e is w h a t happens t o you d u r i n g 32 w e e k s of p r e g n a n c y :

Y o u will g a i n around 0 . 7 to 1 l b (0.335kg) a week f r o m here o n (6). B y this w e e k , an o p t i m u m weight g a i n should b e :

W e e k of p r e g n a n c y B M I < 2 5 B M I 25-30 B M I > 3 0 32 2 0 l b (9kg 1 3 l b (6kg) 1 1 l b (5kg)

T h e b l o o d volume i n c r e a s e s by 5 0 – 6 0 % to m e e t the i n c r e a s e d demand f o r oxygen a n d nutrients f o r the f e t u s (7).

Preeclampsia (high b l o o d pressure) c a n develop a t this s t a g e , with s i g n s such a s headache, s w e l l i n g on t h e face a n d in h a n d s , and c h a n g e in v i s i o n (8).

Insomnia due t o the l a r g e belly, a n x i e t y , and f r e q u e n t urination.

F a t i g u e and h e a r t b u r n as t h e growing u t e r u s pushes t h e stomach u p w a r d , causing t h e gastric a c i d s to m o v e into t h e esophagus a n d result i n heartburn.

A c n e or s k i n pigmentations around t h e face o r breasts d u e to h o r m o n a l changes o r dermatoses. T h e dermatoses w i l l wane a w a y during t h e postpartum p e r i o d (9).

Constipation due t o an a l t e r a t i o n in t h e bowel m o v e m e n t s . The g r o w i n g uterus p u s h e s up y o u r stomach, m a k i n g bowel m o v e m e n t s difficult.

I n c r e a s e d urination because o f the u t e r u s exerting p r e s s u r e on t h e bladder.

B r a x t o n Hicks c o n t r a c t i o n s as t h e uterine m u s c l e s tighten. T h i s contraction l a s t s from 3 0 seconds t o two m i n u t e s (10).

V a r i c o s e veins d u e to t h e pressure o n the v e i n s that c a r r y blood f r o m your l e g s to t h e pelvic a r e a . This p r e s s u r e restricts p r o p e r flow o f blood. H e m o r r h o i d s that d e v e l o p near t h e rectal a r e a are p a i n f u l and i t c h y (11).

L e g cramps might i n c r e a s e in f r e q u e n c y during t h e night.

M i l k y white d i s c h a r g e from t h e vagina p r e v e n t s the e n t r y of a n y bacteria t h a t can c a u s e infections. I f the d i s c h a r g e smells f o u l , then i t might i n d i c a t e a v a g i n a l infection.

L e a k i n g of c o l o s t r u m from t h e nipples. I t is t h e first m i l k that y o u r breasts p r o d u c e to f e e d your b a b y .

S h o r t n e s s of b r e a t h as t h e uterus p u t s pressure o n the d i a p h r a g m .

B a c k pain as t h e uterus s t r e t c h e s and w e a k e n s your a b d o m i n a l muscles. T h i s shifts y o u r center o f gravity t h a t alters t h e posture, p u t t i n g strain o n the b a c k . Also, t h e hormones r e l a x the j o i n t s and l i g a m e n t s that c o n n e c t the s p i n e to t h e pelvic b o n e , causing p a i n in t h e back.

H e a r t palpitations due t o mental o r physical s t r e s s , and e x c e s s i v e consumption o f caffeine d u r i n g pregnancy.

T h e g r o w i n g tummy c a n get i t c h i e r as t h e skin g e t s stretched. A p p l y i n g a m o i s t u r i z e r , soothing c r e a m , or c a l a m i n e lotion w i l l give y o u some r e l i e f . You m a y also a d d oatmeal t o warm b a t h i n g water a n d soak y o u r s e l f in i t .

T h e above s y m p t o m s are a result o f changes h a p p e n i n g inside a n d outside y o u r body. L e t ’ s see a few o f them.

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V i s i b l e Changes I n The B o d y During T h e 32nd W e e k

H e r e are s o m e of t h e noticeable c h a n g e s in y o u r body d u r i n g the w e e k 32:

A bigger b u m p : The b u m p measures 1 2 – 1 3 i n from t h e top o f the u t e r u s to t h e pelvic b o n e . The b a b y will d r o p down s l o w l y near t h e pelvis i n a h e a d – d o w n position. T h e top o f the u t e r u s will g e t raised a r o u n d five i n c h e s upward f r o m the b e l l y button, c a u s i n g trouble i n breathing.

D a r k e r nipples: The a r e o l a s get d a r k e r and t h e nipples b e c o m e erect a n d hard.

S t r e t c h marks: Become m o r e prominent w i t h the g r o w i n g belly.

B l u e veins: Are v i s i b l e around t h e breasts a n d the t h i g h s due t o increased s u p p l y of b l o o d to t h e s e areas.

T h e 32nd w e e k calls f o r a v i s i t to t h e OB/GYN f o r pregnancy t e s t s .

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P r e g n a n c y Tests D u r i n g 32 W e e k s Of Pregnancy

Y o u r doctor w i l l :

A d v i s e a u r i n e and b l o o d pressure t e s t

C h e c k your w e i g h t

C h e c k for s w e l l i n g s on y o u r body

M e a s u r e the s i z e of t h e womb

M o n i t o r the f e t a l heart r a t e

U l t r a s o u n d scan a t 32 w e e k s

A n ultrasound s c a n during t h e 32nd w e e k will h e l p :

A s c e r t a i n the f e t a l development, p o s i t i o n of t h e baby, a n d the c o n d i t i o n of t h e placenta.

P r e d i c t the f e t a l developments i n the c o m i n g weeks.

D e t e c t any p o s s i b i l i t y of c o m p l i c a t i o n s in y o u r pregnancy.

A n abnormality t h a t can a r i s e during t h i s week i s the p l a c e n t a l dysfunctioning a n d its s t r u c t u r a l changes. D e t e c t i n g such a b n o r m a l i t y during t h e ultrasound s c a n can h e l p initiate a n early t r e a t m e n t (12).

I f the b a b y is n o t positioned p r o p e r l y , the d o c t o r may s u g g e s t a f e w exercises t o help t h e baby m o v e upside-down.

P r e g n a n c y tests a r e scheduled, a n d you t a k e a p r i o r appointment t o see t h e doctor. B u t , sometimes y o u might h a v e to h a v e an e m e r g e n c y call w i t h the d o c t o r .

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W h e n to c a l l the d o c t o r ?

I f you a r e experiencing a n y of t h e following s y m p t o m s , then y o u need t o see t h e doctor:

Contractions

V a g i n a l bleeding

F l u i d leakage

P e r s i s t e n t fever

C h r o n i c headaches

S e v e r e pain i n the p e l v i s or a b d o m e n

B u r n i n g sensation w h i l e urinating

B l u r r e d vision

Y o u can a v o i d most p r o b l e m s during p r e g n a n c y by e a t i n g right a n d having a healthy l i f e s t y l e .

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F o o d s To E a t And F o o d s To A v o i d In W e e k 32

L e t ’ s see w h a t they a r e :

F o o d s to e a t :

H a v e healthy d r i n k s such a s grape j u i c e , apple j u i c e , almond m i l k , and c a r r o t juice, b u t without a d d i n g sugar i n it.

R e l i s h on b a k e d spinach a n d cheese r o l l s as w e l l as l e s s oily f r i e d chicken a n d vegetables.

C o n s u m e foods s u c h as c h i c k e n , peas, f i s h , milk, b e a n s , fruits, e t c . , that a r e rich i n iron. I t helps i n proper d e v e l o p m e n t of t h e fetus.

I n c l u d e calcium-rich f o o d that h e l p s strengthen y o u r baby’s b o n e s and i r o n absorption i n your b o d y .

A d d seafood a n d dairy p r o d u c t s to y o u r diet. S e a f o o d rich i n omega 3 fatty a c i d s are e s s e n t i a l for t h e development o f the b a b y .

F o o d s to a v o i d :

A v o i d consuming c o l a and a l c o h o l .

C u t down o n tea a n d coffee.

L i m i t the c o n s u m p t i o n of c a r b o h y d r a t e s .

R e d u c e the i n t a k e of f a t t y foods a s they c o u l d lead t o extra w e i g h t gain.

I t is n o t just a b o u t eating t h e right f o o d s but e a t i n g them r i g h t . Make s u r e you a r e taking 2 , 2 0 0 to 2 , 9 0 0 calories, d e p e n d i n g on y o u r weight. E a t smaller m e a l s at r e g u l a r intervals.

T h e r e are a l s o a f e w more t h i n g s you c a n do t o make t h e 32nd w e e k easy.

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T i p s To F o l l o w At 3 2 Weeks Pregnancy

H e r e are s o m e tips y o u can f o l l o w :

D r i n k plenty o f water t o keep y o u r s e l f hydrated. I t also h e l p s supply o x y g e n to y o u r baby.

T a k e sufficient r e s t , and a v o i d standing f o r long h o u r s .

M a k e use o f pillows a n d cushions f o r support w h i l e sitting a n d sleeping.

R e a d books o n pregnancy, m a t e r n a l care a n d postnatal c a r e .

A r r a n g e for a nanny i f you h a v e an o l d e r child.

I f you e x p e r i e n c e contractions d u r i n g this w e e k , then f o l l o w the t i p s given b e l o w :

C h a n g e your s l e e p i n g positions

G o for a short w a l k or d o prenatal y o g a

T a k e a w a r m bath f o r relaxation

D r i n k a c u p of w a r m milk o r herbal t e a

D r i n k water a s contraction c a n lead t o dehydration

K e e p your l e g s elevated w h e n sitting

T r y to l i e down o n your l e f t side

T h i n g s To D o In 3 2 n d Week

V i s i t your d o c t o r on t h e scheduled a p p o i n t m e n t s

K e e p track o f your b a b y ’ s movements

L e a r n about b r e a s t f e e d i n g your b a b y

A t t e n d classes o n childbirth a n d baby c a r e

S t a r t searching a name f o r your l i t t l e one

K e e p yourself i n a p o s i t i v e environment. S p e n d time w i t h your p a r t n e r , family a n d friends.

S t a r t planning f o r the l i f e after t h e baby

D i s c u s s with y o u r partner a b o u t conserving y o u r baby’s c o r d blood

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I s it s a f e to h a v e sex d u r i n g 32 w e e k s of p r e g n a n c y ?

I f your p r e g n a n c y is p r o g r e s s i n g well, t h e n you c a n have s e x u a l intercourse i n this w e e k . But g o for s a f e postures t h a t will n o t harm t h e baby. I f you h a v e any c o m p l i c a t i o n s , the d o c t o r might s u g g e s t you t o avoid s e x .

Tips For D a d – T o – B e

D a d – t o – b e is a s anxious a s the m o t h e r , and h e n c e here a r e some t i p s for h i m :

S e a r c h for a good p e d i a t r i c i a n .

H e l p your p a r t n e r with t h e chores a n d be w i t h her d u r i n g the p r e n a t a l visits.

P a c k the h o s p i t a l bag w i t h all t h e necessary s t u f f .

S p e n d more t i m e with h e r by j o i n i n g her i n walks a n d pregnancy c l a s s e s .

I f your p a r t n e r complains o f severe c o n t r a c t i o n pain o r if t h e water b r e a k s , then c a l l the d o c t o r immediately a n d drive h e r to t h e hospital.

B a c k to t o p

I f you h a v e not e x p e r i e n c e d any p r o b l e m s in y o u r pregnancy s o far, y o u r 32nd w e e k is a l s o likely t o be s m o o t h . What y o u can e x p e c t , however, i s growing u n e a s i n e s s due t o the l a r g e r belly, b r e a t h l e s s n e s s , change i n your w a l k i n g pattern, a n d such m i n o r problems.

Y o u need t o be c a r e f u l while w a l k i n g or c l i m b i n g the s t a i r c a s e . Hold o n to t h e wall o r a r a i l i n g for s t r o n g support, a n d watch y o u r step.

D o you h a v e an e x p e r i e n c e to s h a r e ? Let u s know a b o u t it i n the c o m m e n t s section.

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Use Caution When Exercising in the Heat

Use Caution When Exercising in the Heat

With the dog days of summer upon us, you need to use caution when you workout outdoors. Exercising in extreme heat or humidty can have adverse affects. Here are some recommendations for staying healthy when you exercise in the summer heat.

It is the dog days of summer, and here in North Carolina it is <i>Hot and Steamy</i>. I’m talking Tarzan jungle hot. It is hot enough that I am making several adjustments to my exercise routine. I normally run outside every day, but this is the time of the year when I least appreciate it. Consequently I am using the elliptical trainer a few days a week, and the other days I head out for a real good sweat.

I’m one of those people who sweat profusely. By the time I am done my body and my gym clothes are soaked. This means I am draining some serious fluids, which is not a problem as long as I adequately replace them, and I monitor any abnormal physical symptoms.

Heat related illnesses are usually due to people ignoring the warning symptoms. They include weakness, dizziness, headaches, muscle cramps and nausea. This means you need to be aware of your mental state. What appears to be fatigue can progress to unconsciousness.

So I have been doing my research and have come up with a list of valuable suggestions to make certain you summer outdoor workouts are healthy and rewarding:

Stay Hydrated

Even in cooler temperatures, there is a tendency not to adequately replace expended body fluids. In the summer it is an absolute necessity. It is important to drink water or sports beverages before and after your workout. If you are engaging in extended outdoor exercise (running, walking, bicycling), replace fluids periodically. For runners, consider a hydration pack. If you do not maintain your fluid levels you risk circulatory failure.

If you are exercising for an hour or less, water is sufficient. Longer than an hour and you need to replace carbohydrates. Warmer weather metabolizes these substances faster. Consider one of the popular sports drinks that contain carbs.

Time of Day

When they are predicting some scourging weather, schedule your workout early in the morning or later in the evening. Avoid the mid-day heat and humidity. Workout indoors if that is the only time you have to exercise

Humidity

Be aware of the relative humidity. The body responds to overheating by the evaporation of moisture through perspiration. When the humidity is high, the air is less capable of evaporating excess moisture. Consequently your natural cooling mechanism is compromised. Monitor your vitals. If you start to feel light headed, or you feel completely drain, immediately stop, find a place to cool off and once again replace those vital fluids.

Cool Clothing

No, I am not talking about the latest fashions. When exercising in heat you do not want clothing that will retain heat. That includes cotton apparel. Go for synthetic breathable fabrics that release moisture from your body and allow efficient airflow. Hats are good for preventing the sun from heating up the blood vessels lining your scalp. But remove the hat occasionally to let the heat escape.

Problems of Pollution

Due to some misguided political policies and our desire to drive gas-guzzling vehicles, the air quality in urban environments in the summer often sucks. During days when there are orange, red or even purple alerts it is best to limit your outdoor activities. And air pollution is not limited to just cities. For example, the air quality in the mountains of North Carolina during the summer can be equivalent to the air in Los Angeles. The trees are actually dying in the high altitudes. Furthermore, the air quality in a number of our national parks and beaches can be potentially hazardous during the summer months. Excessive physical exertion in areas of poor air quality can be detrimental to your health.

The summer offers an incredible opportunity to enjoy the beauty of nature while you exercise. A walk or run on a tree-lined trail or sandy beach surely beats the congestion of a health club. But when it heats up outside use common sense and caution. And if those dog days of summer start barking consider heading indoors.

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Use Caution When Exercising in the Heat was originally published on Lefit Fitness