#and palpashit is just a shitty person

[sharkbait-writes]

Despite knowing it would happen, it still hurt.

Here’s the thing. No matter how close you are growing up with your siblings, despite your bond sufficing through different opinions and actions, not matter the love you felt for them and how deep it was ingrained, no matter how much it made you yourself -how much it was coded into you- there will always be some things breaking that bond.

Whether that was different ideals, believes, actions or even orders.

(Help, help, somebody PLeaSe heLP ME, i doN’t kNow WhAt to do DO, WHAT ISHAPPENING TO ME, SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLE-)

So, no matter how much it hurt Fox, -no matter how much it chipped away at his own person until it broke him and left him an empty shell, not even a whisper of his old and own person residing-, he was absolutely not surprised when it happened to him.

Life always found a way to come back to him.

Fox realized that very early in his life and was constantly reminded of that fact.

And no matter how much it absolutely destroyed Fox, he knew it would happen and he was not even a single bit surprised.

Chancellor Palpatine found him on a roof. Because where else could he have been?

Many believe that to be a sign. A symbol. That something bad was about to happen. That he could make one wrong move and tumble over the edge.

But the Chancellor knew him well enough to know that wasn’t going to happen.

The Coruscant Guard might have been reduced to nothing but lap dogs for the senators in the eyes of the public and the GAR, but they still did what they were originally supposed to be doing on Coruscant -keeping the plant and its inhabitants safe. And while being in broad daylight worked in daylight, during night it was a different game. One played by the guard and consisting of jumping off high platforms and swinging between building.

So yes, the Coruscant Guard was never immediately on high alert if they saw one of their own on the edge of a high platform, like a roof for example. Every Guard knew how to act if something bad were to happen. If they were ever to tumble over the edge.

Perhaps it helped that Fox wasn’t standing, but instead sitting with his legs dangling over the edge and repeatedly hitting the wall behind with the other foot every hit.

Perhaps it was helping that Fox wasn’t holding any kind of beverage and instead had his hands lose in his lap and with no bottle on either side of him.

Perhaps it helped that Fox was one of the best. Had been swinging between these very buildings since he first laid eyes on them. One of the most highly decorated soldiers in the entire GAR.

Perhaps it was the way his muscles didn’t seem to be flexing, building up for the moment the constant tension could finally be let lose, and instead looked, for the first time in what seemed like forever, relaxed.

Or not relaxed- outwardly perhaps he seemed like it, when internally he actually was numb.

“You want to know why I’m not crying?”, the silence had been stretching for far too long between the two. Long enough for Palpatine to rethink his decision, now however, it seemed like he chose the right time.

The thing is, Fox knew it would happen.

He knew since the beginning of the war, where he was the only one of his squad to be assigned to stay on Coruscant. On Coruscant where he was doomed to watch his loved ones die and not be able to do anything about it. On Coruscant where he was doomed by behing held captive against his own will and knowledge-

(whY is he sO ALONE???)

-On Coruscant where he was doomed to become someone he wasn’t-

(Oh, force, whY Won’T soMEonE COmE AND SAVE ME???)

-Where he was doomed to realized his family was leaving him, their faces turned away from him so he couldn’t see their disgust, pain, betrayal, shame, numbness or passiveness on it.

One by one, his family left him. First the younger cadets looking up at him, then his trainers, then his batchmates, then his very own Guard and then his fellow Guard Commanders.

One by one they died.

One by one they turned their backs on him. And he let it happen, didn’t stop it because he did the same to them.

And it hurt.

Oh, how it hurt and destroyed him from the inside out. That the only reason he was even still fighting this warm was leaving him, like he had left them.

That his family was gone and he was alone.

And even if it hurt so much he could barely make it out of his own bed at times, he had not been surprised at the slightest to see it start to happen.

“My family has left me. I’m all alone. I should be crying. But I’m not”, the clone’s face has been looking up the whole time, unseeing. His eyes busy watching memories and past actions.

“You don’t even care. You’re only here because you are the only one still looking for me, even if your reason is anything but moral..”

Palpatine stayed quiet.

“I have lost everything and I’m not even crying a single, kriffin’ tear”, Palpatine wasn’t even sure if he was supposed to have heard that, with how quietly it was whispered.

It hurt, but it was not surprising.

After all the hurt he put his family through, after all the broken promises and forgotten reunions and eft alone brothers and murdered brothers-

(brotHER killer, brotHER killer, brother Killer, brother kiLLEr, BROther ki-)

(YOU MURDERED YOUR OWN VOD)

Without much flair, the clone stood up. It stood there, on the edge of the roof just staring up, and turned just the slightest bit.

If Palpatine had a caring heart and the clone were more than just a clone -if it were an actual human being- the next words would have made him feel at least something. A tug at his heartstrings, a burning behind his eyes, a jab at his heart or even a problem with breathing. Anything.

But as it was, the clone was all it was -a clone- and Palpatine was only here to make sure his plan didn’t go down in flames.

Which was why the next matter-of-fact said words -quiet, small and empty-

“I knew it would happen”

-directed at the night sky a couple of levels higher up but getting caught in the pollution of lower levels- only made him feel irritation.

But the clone only shouldered its way past Palpatine, down the stairways and to his bike to get back to his office where he would be alone again.

Fox remembered how in the beginning he thought that maybe they would just ignore him for a short while. But that changed and the though he would be replaced.

And then his batchmates stayed only professional with him if they were together, never mentioned him to others, acted if he were nothing more but air otherwise, stopped trying to get him away from his early death by flimsiwork.

And then he realized they didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

Fox was already feeling empty enough to know it was only a matter of time.

If Fox would have turned around he would have seen the Chancellor in all of his robed and hidden glory silently watching him leave. Would have seen the way the corners pf his mouth turned up ever so slightly to reveal a smirk and a whispered “tomorrow”.

But he never did.