#and our roommate is in there passed out drunk…… who’s in charge of the kids??’ and she was like ‘sam :)’

[fingertipsmp3]

Last night I had a dream that me and my best friend were living together and it was super not going well lol

[hellfirenacht]

The Convention Fic Chapter 4

Beetlejuice x Reader (Gender Neutral)

First Chapter

Friday (Evening)

It didn’t take long for you to get ready to head to the aquarium. You dug through your suitcase and pulled out the outfit that you had brought specifically for partying in. Though you knew that this was a date and wanted to look nice, the aquarium would allow everyone to wonder around for a few hours before letting those who paid for the After Party into one of the Ballrooms, which Beej was quick to inform you was a 21+ event. 

You were practically bouncing with excitement as you changed and freshened up. The hyena that Beej had given you was sitting on the bed, protecting your phone as it charged. Beej was kicked back on the second bed, watching you with an amused grin.

“You know, you look great no matter what you’re wearing.” he commented, scanning you up and down. “But I gotta admit, if I wasn’t already dead you’d be killing me right now.” 

You gave him a smirk. “Is that rigor mortis, or are you just happy to see me?” 

He laughed, “And here I was worried that you’d be too tired for this.” 

“Normal tired is gone, I’m only left with that kind of 4 AM tired where everything is funny and I’m invincible. But don’t worry- I completely intend to pass out as soon as we’re done.” you affirmed. 

“That’s why you’re my best mod- you’re always ready to party and work.” he replied with a grin. “You ready to go yet, Babes?”

“Yup! Just gotta put my shoes on and I’m good to go!”

You grabbed your beat up tennis shoes, not wanting to risk blisters for the rest of the weekend. As much as you wanted to look good, you also had a job to do for the rest of the con. You swapped out your backpack for a small pouch that rested on your hip and around your waist and shoved your phone, camera battery, key, badge, and money in. 

“Ready!”

Beetlejuice just snickered at you as he pulled himself off the bed and looked you over. “I gotta say Babes, you look stunning for our first date. The fanny pack is really doing it for me.”

You pouted slightly. “Watch it, Bug Boy.” you warned in a playful tone. “Besides have you ever washed that hoodie?”

“Nope!” he said with such pride for a second you were inclined to believe him. 

The playful teasing continued as you made your way out of the building and towards the Aquarium a few blocks over. The sun was just now showing signs of going down, though late in the evening. Beej’s green-tipped hair was an interesting contrast to the warm yellows, reds, and hints of lavender of the setting sun. The air around you was comfortably warm as you crossed the busy street with other nerds who were also on their way to the nights event. The two of you cut through the large park where you had held the meet up the other evening, and Beetlejuice slipped his hand into yours again. 

It was comfortable. Though the two of you had only met in person just the other night, not even 24 hours before, it didn’t feel awkward or strange. Maybe you were closer to him than you had originally thought. All those late nights in the chat, playing games, talking on cam, they suddenly meant so much more now that he was there with you. He was real, and the two of you were close, and now here you were, on a date. A real actual date. A warmth spread over you at the thought. 

The air around the Aquarium was cooler than the air at the park. Perhaps it was the shadow the building cast in the late evening sun, or the slight smell of sea water that tinted the air. The two of you easily slid through security and presented your tickets before entering the building. 

The aquarium was large and tall, split up into five different sections ranging from river fish to freshwater fish, to ocean fish. Together you decided to start at the river fish, and you pulled out the video camera. Though this was a date, both of you agreed that even if you didn’t post the footage, it was still something the two of you wanted to remember together. You couldn’t help but be okay with that, plus seeing him through the lense of the camera as well as in person felt right to you. 

Together the two of you toured through the different sections, looking at fish, getting B-Roll footage of cosplayers and at one point Beej even interviewed a fan that came up and introduced themselves. With each new section brought new fish and creatures for the two of you to point and look at. Beetlejuice was fascinated by all the creatures, which surprised you. 

“I’ve never been able to see fish before.” he stated, which seemed like a strange answer. “I’ve never been to a fish zoo or even the beach before so this is all new to me. You know, I never understood the whole thing with humans being obsessed with other animals but I think I get- oh my god they glow!!” 

Beej grabbed you by the arm and pointed excitedly at the Jellyfish that were glowing against the blacklight of the tank that they were chilling in. Beej’s smile was so wide and his pupils were so large that you his eyes almost looked black. It was clear that this man was going to lose his shit at any fish that had bioluminescence. He was practically shaking with excitement as he pressed his face up against the glass like a little kid. 

You did manage to scoot him out of the way to allow yourself room to get some footage of the tangled mass of jellyfish. You agreed- it was really cool seeing the different fish glowing under blacklight. As you pointed the camera a Beej again, you swore that he was glowing under the light as well- the same green that you saw back in the arcade just the night before. You made a mental note to ask him what kind of hair dye he used but for now, your breath was caught in your throat with how... weirdly beautiful he looked. 

He was still the same Beej that you had seen a million times before on a screen, but there were some things about him that a camera just couldn’t do justice towards. His laugh was louder in person, and right now it felt more honest. Not that you were surprised, you always understood that internet personalities were just that- personalities. You saw what they wanted you to see but with Beej it felt different. Yes, in this time and place it was a more intimate experience being next to him and seeing him in person, but you were starting to realize how genuine and honest he was with his audience. You could feel your heart swell at the thought, not only could he be himself on camera, he could also be himself with you. 

“Oh man I’d stay here all night if I could!” he said, leading you out with a big smile on his face. “Next year we’re staying an extra day and we’re gonna sneak in here at night and scooba dive with the jellyfish.” 

“That’s a terrible idea.” you laughed. “I’m in.” 

He smiled at you, his eyes still shining with excitement. “And that’s why I asked you to be here with me!” 

“Someone’s gotta bail you out of jail when your roommates aren’t around.” you countered. 

The tour ended with the last area- the Ocean fish. It took you a little bit longer to make your way in there, as the two of you stood in front of the exhibit, pointing your camera at the mascot of the aquarium; a large orange fish named Deepo. 

The two of you stood there, laughing hard. Beej has his phone out and was going live as the two of you laughed at the ridiculous looking fish. 

“Disney... Disney please sue something!” Beej begged, zooming in on the wide lifeless eyes of the statue that smiled across time and space. “DEEPO. His name.. Oh God-Satan his name is DEEPO!” 

There were tears streaming down your face as you both pointed and laughed. Around you, some other con goers were also taking pictures, while some were looking at the two of you like you were high or drunk. It didn’t matter, the point is Deepo would either save your soul or destroy it. After cities collapsed, oceans dried up, and humans were eradicated- Deepo would live on as the uncaring God of the New World. 

You really needed to get some real sleep tonight. 

After finally pulling yourselves together, the two of you straightened up and finally the two of you stepped into the large tunnel, finding yourselves surrounded by fish and soft blue lighting. You couldn’t help but let out a small gasp as you looked up, seeing a fish swim over your head. All around you was ocean life- the tunnel was right under a large tank, allowing you to see fish from every angle. 

“Oh wow...” you whispered, looking up. Beej took the camera from your hands and started filming as you took in the view. Fish of all colors, shapes, and sizes were swimming around the two of you, feeling so close even though the glass protecting the tunnel was at least two feet thick. 

“I gotta admit, this is pretty impressive.” you heard Beej from across the tunnel, filming a small school of yellow fish. “I’m glad we- oh holy shit!” his head shot upwards and you followed his line of site and gasps. 

Above the two of you, a whale passed over head, followed by a shark. 

“That’s a shark!” Beej gawked, following the creature with the camera. “Holy crap, that’s a shark! Babes, I want that. I want that shark. I love that shark. I need that shark to live.” 

“Well it’s a good thing you’re dead because it’s staying here.” you replied, eyes still glued to the top of the tunnel, watching the larger fish swim around you. It was absolutely breath-taking. You moved to the side of the tunnel until your legs hit a ledge for you to sit on, keeping an eye on everything around you. You were suddenly okay with the suggestion of just staying here forever with these fish. You had no clue that fish could make you feel this safe or content. 

After a few minutes, you glanced over at Beetlejuice who had the camera pointed at you. How long had he been filming you staring at the fish? You felt a little embarrassed now. 

“Hey, I thought this was your show.” you said, trying not to be embarrassed. 

“It is, and I like to show off things that make me happy.” he said with a wink. “Plus you’re stunning in this light. I can’t be the only one that looks good here.”

The compliment felt warm in your chest compared to the cool air of the aquarium. You wanted to brush it off, or tell him no, or even fire something back at him but instead you said something that surprised yourself. 

“Thank you.” 

You accepted the compliment with grace and a smile. It felt true- between the amazing lighting, the outfit you had chosen, and the feeling of being with Beetlejuice... you felt stunning. Moe than that, with Beej around you felt seen. You felt like all your hard work went both noticed and appreciated. Everything you did for him he thanked you, praised you, told you how much it meant to him. He saw something in you that you hadn’t seen for yourself in a long time. For this moment, you could see yourself the way he saw you- an amazingly capable person, a fun person, a giant fucking nerd, a friend, a crush. 

That was the confidence boost you needed, and you felt secure. You felt safe. You felt like you could do anything you wanted because knowing that someone you looked up to and respected so much could see it in you. You stood up and walked over to him, keeping eye contact the entire time. You reached out and lowered the arm that held his camera knowing that this next moment was for just the two of you. 

Beej got the hint and allowed you to stay in control of the situation, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. You reached out and touched his cheek, feeling the scratchy beard against the palm of your hand. Briefly you wondered how much maintenance it took for him to keep it tinted green like his hair before leaning in and pressing your lips against his. 

His mouth shifted into a smile against yours as his free hand rested on your lower back. The cool skin of his lips combined with the cool air around you caused goosebumps to appear on your arms and the back of your neck. The kiss was short, only a few seconds long, but it was enough. When you pulled back, Beej was grinning hard and you could almost swear that he had hearts in his eyes. The two of you stared at each other like the dopey love-struck idiots that you were for a moment before you took his hand. 

“Come on, Love Bug.” you said. “Let’s keep going.” 

The two of you finally made your way out of the tunnel after getting a few more shots of different fish before making your way into the next room. Again, you were almost rendered speechless as the two of you found yourselves in front of a large tank that stretched from the floor to a very high ceiling. The large tank gave you a perfect view of how large the whales and sharks were compared to the smaller fish. There were whales and stingrays and large bloated looking fish you had never seen before. 

Maybe you would take up Beej on the offer of breaking in to spend the night. 

The two of you found a spot to sit in front of the large glass wall as you stared out into the water. In this moment, no words needed to be said. For once Beetlejuice was enjoying a comfortable silence as the two of you put away the camera and just let yourselves be. His hand found yours, and your head found his shoulder. Together for the next half hour, you rested and just took in the view of the amazing sea creatures swimming around. 

Around you, cosplayers took amazing pictures next to the tank, nerds took selfies with the fish, and the two of you couldn’t help but laugh a bit at one pink-haired cosplayer crying happy drunk tears over one of the large bloated looking fish. (“It’s so ugly!” she cried and laughed. “I love grouper fish! I love him so much he’s so ugly he’s beautiful!”). 

You almost dozed off once or twice as you rested against Beetlejuice. It felt so relaxing being next to him, that you wished that you could just spend the rest of the weekend here. But after a while, he nudged you. 

“You still good to go to the after party?” he asked. “It’s gonna start soon, but if you’re tired I understa-” 

“I’m gonna party!” you yawned and stood up. “Give me a sec to wake up and I’ll be good to go.” 

You took a moment to stretch and get your body to wake up. Turns out at the fish for however long you two were there had left you feeling pretty well rested and happy. Your brain was still a little fried from spending the past few days on little sleep but you could make the the next few hours. 

By the time the two of you made it into the ballroom where the party was being held, the DJ was already blasting music and people were lining up at the two bars set up on each end of the large room. There were two glass walls on different sides of the rooms, much smaller than what you had just been looking at but still large enough to peer in and see it was large enough to fit in a few whales. The tanks were dark at the moment, you assumed to give the animals some rest after a long day of being gawked at, but a few congoers were still camped out by the viewing areas, relaxing with their drink and peering into the darkened tanks. 

The two of you bought some drinks and found an empty standing table to stay at for the moment. There was a large dance floor in the upper right corner of the room, the DJ booth next to it. On the wall they were projecting clips from various animes and also Steven Universe for some reason. That was the only non-anime being shown on the screen, and you wondered who had put the looping montage together. 

Beej chugged down his two drink quickly, itching to get to the dancefloor. “I gotta show these breathers how to really party!” he said. 

You had to admit, you wanted to get on the dance floor as well. The DJ was playing an amazing mix of anime, cartoon openings, group dances, old emo music and songs that would make any nerd get up and dance. 

The music woke you up better than the drink in your hand. Beej politely waited for you to finish it before dragging you to the dance floor. Beej was a beast once he was in the crowd, jumping from group to group and dancing with anyone who would let him close. You couldn’t even be jealous when he found himself in the middle of a group of girls as he began flossing like there was no tomorrow. 

You could have sworn he said he hated flossing before. You wondered if that changed one he actually learned how to do it. 

The crowd started to form into a circle around Beej. People jumped in and out, showing off their moves and having small dance-offs. Everywhere people were cheering and having fun. The DJ changed songs, and a spark ignited inside you- this was a song that you knew very well. A specific song from A Goofy Movie that made every inch of your body suddenly go feral. Beej had his moment in the spotlight but now it was your turn. 

You were about to teach these nerds what it really meant to do the Perfect Cast. 

You waited for the right moment to jump in, your confidence fueled by the slight buzz of alcohol in your system combined with your amazing date with Beej. This was the moment you had been waiting for your entire life, and nothing could fucking stop you. 

The chorus kicked in and you found yourself rushing to the center, looking around at the crowd and starting on the dance that you had learned so long ago. Everyone lost their shit. 

“THEY’RE ACTUALLY DOING IT!”

“WOOO!”

“IT’S THE PERFECT CAST!!!”

“TEACH ME PLEASE!” 

“Oh snap, looks like we got someone who knows their Disney!” a voice said over the speaker and you realized that the DJ was talking about you over the mic. You snapped back into reality with a huge smile and looked over at Beej who couldn’t have been more proud of you. As you jumped back to the side of the circle and let someone else take over you got a few highfives and compliments. 

“Damn Babes, why didn’t you tell me you could dance?” Beej asked, still smiling wide. 

“I forgot!” you laughed. “Oh wow, I haven’t done that in forever. I... I forgot I knew it until I did it!” 

The two of you danced together on and off for the rest of the night, taking breaks to occasionally have another drink or rest. Beej had much more stamina than you, seemingly never needing to rest or take breaks. When you needed a second to catch your breath he’d hover between making sure you were okay and running back to the dance floor. You honestly didn’t mind, you loved seeing him out there, making friends and being the center of attention. 

By the end of the evening, as the party was starting to draw to a close, you found yourself sitting against the viewing glass, tipsy and happily gazing out into dark tank where a few whales swam in circles. The pink-haired girl who you’d seen earlier crying over fish was next to you, seemingly in the same boat. There was an unspoken agreement that this spot was the Quiet Spot. Even though behind you a party raged on, filled with nerds, and lights, and alcohol, this spot was for being drunk and watching fish. This was a pastime you could get used to. 

“There you are!” came a voice from behind you, causing the two of you to jump slightly. You looked up at beej and held your finger to your lips. 

“Shhhh....” you whispered loudly. “You’ll throw off the whales.” okay, maybe you were closer to the side of drunk than tipsy. 

The DJ started playing Don’t Stop Believing and there was a roar of excitement from the crowd behind you as drunk nerds scrambled to the dance floor. A chorus of voices of all kinds filled the air as everyone in the room seemed to sing along to the music that was pulsating through the air. 

“I think I’m having a religious experience.” the pink haired girl said, as she stared continued staring at the whales. 

“Me too.” you said, to Beej’s amusement. “Same time next year?” 

The girl nodded in agreement. “May the whales don’t stop believing.” she said solemnly. 

You stood up, wobbling a bit, but Beej held you steady. “You usually this much of a light weight?” he asked. 

“Strong drinks.” you mumbled with a smile, leaning into him. 

“Alright, I think you’re partied out.” Beej said. “Your fragile human body needs sleep. And probably other things too.” 

“Water... food.” you replied and the two of you made your way out of the building, headed back towards your hotel. The night air felt good against your warmed skin, you didn’t realize how warm the room had gotten with so many people dancing. You were comfortably drunk with a dopey grin on your face as you clung to Beetlejuice. 

“Hey... Beej.... are you my... booooooyfriend?” you asked, looking up at him. 

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be, Babes.” he replied. “Think you can handle dating a demon?” 

“Pffff... you aren’t scaaaary.” you slurred, and laughed at the offended look on Beej’s face. 

“Excuse you, I am the ghost with the most!” he said. “I’m the scariest demon you’ll ever meet!” 

“If you say so, neeeeeeeeerd!” you giggled. 

Beetlejuice managed to drag your drunk ass back up to your room, and helped you use your key card. This time you did not immediately drop your pants (much to Beej’s dismay) but instead went straight to the bathroom to pee, wash your face, and get a glass of water. 

“Beej... Beej I got a secret.” you said as you exited the bathroom. 

“Yeah? What’s that?” 

“I’m a little bit drunk.” you giggled and took a few long gulps of water. 

“No shit?” he smiled at you. 

“Not even a little turd.” he laughed at that. 

“I’m gonna... I’m gonna drink this water so I’m functional tomorrow.” you set the glass down. “OH! Oh! I did... I did something smart!” you were bouncing on your feet. 

“You’re the one that holds all the braincells here, but what did you do specifically?” Beej watched you with an amused grin as you stumbled slightly to the mini-fridge and pulled out a to-go box. “Got more food at Waffle House when we went. Because I’m SMART!” 

The two of you turned on the tv to watch a movie with too many commercials as you ate your cold waffle and drank your glass of water. You soon found yourself resting against his shoulder again. 

“Hey Beej?” you asked. “Where are you staying this weekend anyway?” 

He stiffened slightly at the question. He wasn’t ready to tell you that he was just teleporting between the con and his home hundreds of miles away. 

“I uh, don’t exactly have a room.” he replied, hoping that your drunk brain would let it go. It didn’t. 

“What?” you looked up at him. “Wh-where are you sleeping?” your eyes looked like they were tearing up, oh shit, oh fuck, he did NOT want to make you cry. “Are you sleeping in your car??” 

“Yes!” he blurted out. “I am... sleeping in my car!” 

“No!” you pouted. “No! Bad Beetlejuice!” you stood up with a look that would be angry if it wasn’t coming from a half-drunk breather. “Stupid Beej, dumbass...” you mumbed to yourself and walekd over to the tv, grabbing a small envelope and pulling something out. “Can’t do anything without me, I swear.” you threw a piece of plastic at him and he looked it over. It was an extra key-card. “You’re staying HERE for the rest of the weekend you stupid, dumb... stupid face!” 

When his mom had yelled at him when she was drunk, it was horrifying. He’d retreat into himself and tell himself he was as worthless as she said he was. With you, it was different. Your words sounded angry, but your eyes were full of hurt and concern. You didn’t really think he was stupid, or maybe you did, but either way it wasn’t a feeling of malice towards him. Someone was concerned for him, someone cared, someone wanted him around. 

Who was he to say no to that?

“Alright, alright, if it would make you happy.” he replied with a grin. “But where am I gonna sleep, there’s only one bed!”

You looked at him in confusion, glancing between the two beds in the room. You were drunk but you weren’t stupid. At least, you didn’t think so. 

“Beej there’s another bed right there...?” you questioned yourself. Was there one bed or two? 

Beej stood up and grabbed a hold of your suitcase that was laying on the floor in the corner of the room. He walked over to the second bed and sloppily dumped out the contents onto the spare bed. 

“I dunno what you’re talking about, all I see is this large pile of clothes!” he smirked. “I don’t know about you but in my experience humans don’t usually sleep on piles of laundry.” 

You smiled and let out a small chuckle. “Oh, silly me. I suppose you’re right. There’s only one bed. One large bed that we could both fit in.”

“I insist that you take the bed and I will sleep on the floor.” he smiled. 

“No no no, you’re the guest, you take the bed.” you said, grabbing his arm and pulling him onto the bed. He pulled back the covered and crawled in. 

“Nah, I think you should take the bed.” he pulled you close against him, allowing you to take in his scent. 

“...Your hoodie smells awful, take it off.” you grumbled, helping him remove the offending piece of clothing. You wondered if he had been correct about not washing it ever. 

You didn’t hear anything after that as sleep overtook you quickly. Beej’s cool body under the warm blankets created the perfect temperature for falling asleep. Beej held you against his chest and turned on the tv low. He didn’t need to sleep, but he would stay until you woke up. Your warmth and weight on him allowing him a feeling that he’d only ever felt in one other place. 

To Beetlejuice, you felt like home.

--------

NOTE: Want to make a cameo in the next chapter? Click here!

[italian-sides]

“Ombre e Bastoni”, ch. 2

Here I am with the second chapter! Again, a huge thank you to both @misslilidelaney on Tumblr for writing this and @watcher-from-the-heights for being my beta! I also tag @ts-italian-gang, just in case. One last thing: if you want to support the ff, it’s on AO3 too! Thank you if you’re gonna step by! Enjoy!

Whenever Emilio Picani walked into the Dolce&Remì, all heads turned.

And when all heads turned, Giuda Schiavon's only instinct was to turn away.

To avoid imploding.

At the exact moment the young man crossed the threshold, Giuda understood that he was Patrizio's famous "psychologist cousin".

And at the exact moment he saw his face, only one sentence echoed in his brain:

- Sò ciavà. - [1]

The newcomer sat down at the counter, while Remo looked illuminated with immense light and Romolo seemed to be having a heart attack.

"Patrì. Are you kidding? You should at least have said that your cousin was so beautiful!"

"What are you saying, Romolo? C'mon, you're embarrassing him!"

"Orco can, Pati [2], take it easy! Trust me, it takes much more to embarrass me.", the interested party replied, giving Romolo, who just laughed like a twelve year old, a benevolent smile.

- Nice, exactly what I needed, even the competition with the Stellina. -

Giuda glanced at Remo, who had been wiping the same glass for three minutes.

-Ah, well. Both the Stelline. [3] -

He just looked at the newcomer from behind the counter, through the mirror in front of which the liquors were placed.

Of course both twins already came out swinging, while Virgilio and Luca simply looked at him with the gaze of two hungry lions.

And obviously Patrizio noticed the looks that the Trentine guy - that is Luca - launched at his blood relative, and Giuda shook his head after seeing the Emilian's eyes getting a little bleary.

-If I end up like this too, I'll set myself on fire.-

"You're quiet, Giudino [4].", Tommaso, the only one who seemed immune to the charm of the newcomer, chirped.

Giuda merely smiled slyly, pointing to the group behind him with a nod:

"I'm enjoying the vultures."

"Pffftt, they're terribleee!", the pastry chef whispered, biting his lip from laughing, which made Giuda smile even further and then continue:

"They look like they haven't seen a man for ages, eh? And Patrizio has the face of someone who repented 'a sbrega'."

"At what?"

"Someone who regretted it very much. I’ll have to teach you Venetian sooner or later, boss."

Tommaso nodded, and Giuda decided to get defensive even before anyone could attack him.

"Plus, like... He's not even that  cool. He's pretty, don't get me wrong, but c'mon, to the point of making all four of them lose their heads?"

Tommaso nodded, shrugging:

"Agreed. And I hope Luca will soon get over this thing before Patrizio goes on a killing spree."

"Patrizio should also get a move on, however; Luca is too much of a wimp to realize he's drooling like a slug. If he doesn't get moving, someone else will take him and I’d like to remind you that the last time Patrizio got drunk, he got a sad hangover."

"Don't remind me, please."

"Ao, regà!" [5], Remo sneaked in and took them both by the arm, smiling like the idiot he was.

"Come and meet the newcomer!"

- Oh, no, please. -

"Boss, at least let me take off my dishwashing gloves!"

"No no, you have to keep them, I want him to understand who's in charge!", the 'older' brother of the Stella twins laughed at the request of his dishwasher.

- Curses.-

With a movement worthy of the worst drunks in Caracas, he brought Tommaso and Giuda in front of the newcomer, who had a smile capable of melting Giuda's heart in an instant.

And it did.

"Emilio, here's my co-partner and pastry-chef Tommaso Sandero, and my all-rounder, dishwasher, whatever-you-want, Giuda."

"I have a surname too, you know, old man.", with an eyeroll worthy of a Hollywood star, Giuda turned to Emilio.

Shit, he was even more beautiful, up close.

"Giuda Schiavon. I would shake your hand but I have gloves on."

"Schiavon?", Emilio asked, lighting up.

How beautiful a human being could be? Was he even legal?

"Ahah, his name is Schiavon. Which is perfect, since he's ours... [6]", Remo started, but Emilio dreamily clasped his hands in front of his face and asked, interrupting him:

"Are you from Veneto too? I'm from Verona!"

Giuda just shrugged, nodding immediately after:

"Par tera, par mar, Sammarco. [7]"

"Can del porco, un Venexian! Beaaa! [8]"

Having said that, Emilio approached him, pretending to speak in great secrecy - which was impossible, since everyone was still staring at him as if he was a wonderful thing, except perhaps Romolo, who was just looking at Giuda as if he was the worst thing that ever happened in this world:

"Cossa go da far pa aver na bona ombra de vin qua? [9]"

Was he trying to speak Venetian?

Was there a limit to how cute he could be?

"Ask Remo. I only wash the glasses, I don't fill them."

Having said that, he turned to the owner, making a superhuman effort to take his eyes off Emilio, who seemed quite dazzled by the answer.

"Can I go back? I have to go to the kitchen to finish washing the dishes before other people arrive for happy hour."

Then he turned back to Emilio, waving at him with half a smile:

"Fellow countryman, enjoy your stay in Bologna."

And then he left, without giving him time to answer.

*

Three years passed since their first meeting.

Three years in which Romolo made the funniest epic fail with Emilio, in which Patrizio decided to stick his tongue down Luca's mouth, and Virgilio pretended to be drunk to touch Romolo's ass, whom he said he'd forgotten, but Giuda knew that was bullshit.

Because he, being a chronic liar, could basically smell the lies.

In fact, not even for a second did he let anyone remotely suspect of his mind-blowing crush on the psychologist, especially the above mentioned, given that he was probably now convinced he hated his guts.

Which was the intention of the Venetian, since he took for granted that the thirty-year-old was far beyond what someone like him could afford.

After the disastrous relationship with one of his university buddies, Giuda indeed decided that being single was far better than being heartbroken.

Even though his heart wasn't too good.

Treating Emilio badly was making him lose sleep, at times he risked forgetting to put on his contact lenses due to tiredness, and even Virgilio took the piss out of him for the bags under his eyes.

And now he was there. Gloves in one hand and a broom in the other.

With Remo looking at him with a Cheshire Cat's smile on his face.

"You little snake. I get it, you know? You like the Veronese."

"You're speaking nonsense. I’d rather kill him right now. I dropped the glasses because of him."

"Don’t fuck with me. Tommy and I yell at you all the time and you’ve never jumped like this. Yo, Coso [10], I can smell lies too, you're not the only one. You’re being a little shit because you like him."

Giuda kept looking the bar owner in the eye, trying to deny it with all of his body language.

"I. Don't. Like. Emilio. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but Mr. Psychoanalysis isn’t exactly my cup of tea, okay?"

"Giuda..."

There was something in Remo’s voice, something that for a moment opened a breach in the Venetian's heart.

Maybe... Maybe he could trust someone.

"...From the first day he walked in here. You all got over it. But me? Never. I don’t have a crush on Emilio, Remo. I’m in love with Emilio. But I’ve suffered enough in the past to know that I’m better off alone. What if it goes wrong? How am I gonna look at him? How...?"

"You don't know that. I mean, I don't know either even if I live with him, how can you, if you run away every time you see him?"

"I personally believe that what you don’t know can’t hurt you."

"If Luca were here he would scream 'Boiate' [11]. Giuda... I..."

"Welp. It's too late now, the damage is done, right? He’s probably convinced I hate him even more after today's crap."

With a bitter laugh, Giuda surpassed the roman, continuing:

"I blew every chance, amen..."

"Giuda."

"But surely he won’t stop coming, we’re his favorite bar and you’re his roommate..."

"Giuda, shut up."

"I'm sure he'll find someone else pretty quickly, he just needs to breathe and someone always comes along."

"Giuda!"

The dishwasher turned again towards Remo, biting his lip as the stupid tears began to stream down his face.

"I can’t do this, okay? After Mattia, I don’t know what to do, with a man. Besides, I’m kind of a mess. Emilio will never appreciate someone like me."

Remo remained silent for a moment, before moving forward... and hugging? Giuda.

The Venetian was baffled, usually it was Tommaso, the one with whom he sometimes allowed himself affectionate gestures.

"Shut your mouth, you’re not that bad. And I swear on Totti [12], I’ll help you get the therapist, whether you want it or not."

Giuda laughed bitterly, his face stuck in the chest of his tallest peer.

"Yeah, sure. And how are you gonna do that?"

Remo let him go and asked, very seriously:

"Do you know how to play briscola [13]?"

[1]: transl. "I'm fucked" [2]: "Holy crap" + Pati = a nickname for Patrizio [3]: this is a pun with Romolo and Remo's surname, "Stella" = "Star", that here is referred as "Stellina/Stelline" = "Little Star/Little Stars" [4]: a nickname for Giuda, a diminutive of his name [5]: a Romanesco dialect exclamation that means more or less "Hey, guys!" [6]: it's a pun with Giuda's surname, Schiavon, that in italian, without the "n" at the end, is "Schiavo" = "Slave" [7]: it's a Venetian saying that literally means "on land, on sea, San Marco", but more broadly it means the power of the Venice Republic that reigned both on the land and on the sea [8]: "Good heavens, a Venetian! Niiice!" [9]: "What can I do to have a good glass of wine around here?"; in Venetian dialect, "ombra" means both "shadow" and "glass of wine" [10]: "coso" is the italian version of "thingy" and/or "dude/dingus" [11]: yes, "boiate" is the italian term for "falsehood", in this case [12]: a famous Italian soccer player, specifically from Rome [13]: a very popular Italian card game

1 - 2 - ?

see ya next time, ciao!

Quando Emilio Picani entrava al Dolce&Remì, tutte le teste si giravano. E quando tutte le teste si giravano, l'unico istinto di Giuda Schiavon era di girarsi dalla parte opposta. 

Per evitare di implodere.

Nel momento esatto in cui il giovane aveva oltrepassato la soglia, Giuda aveva capito che era lui il famoso "cugino psicologo" di Patrizio. 

E nel momento esatto in cui aveva visto il suo volto, solo una frase gli aveva rimbombato nel cervello:

- Sò ciavà.-

Il nuovo arrivato si era seduto al bancone, Remo che sembrava illuminato d'immenso, e Romolo che sembrava stesse per avere un infarto.

"Patrì. Ma stiamo a scherzare? Ce lo dovevi minimo minimo dire che tuo cugino era così bello!"

"Ma cosa stai dicendo, Romolo? Mo' dai guarda, che lo metti in imbarazzo!”

"Orco can Pati, stai calmo! Guarda che ci vuole molto di più per imbarazzarmi." aveva risposto il diretto interessato, scoccando un sorriso benevolo a Romolo, che si era limitato a ridere come una dodicenne.

- Ben ciò, perché mi mancava la competizione con la Stellina.- 

Giuda aveva lanciato uno sguardo a Remo, che stava strofinando lo stesso bicchiere da tre minuti. 

-Ah beo. Entrambe, le Stelline.-

E si era limitato a guardare il nuovo arrivato da dietro il bancone, attraverso lo specchio davanti al quale erano sistemati gli alcolici. 

Ovviamente entrambi i gemelli erano già partiti all'attacco, e Virgilio e Luca si limitavano a guardarlo con lo sguardo di due leoni affamati. 

Ovviamente, Patrizio si era accorto degli sguardi che il trentino lanciava al proprio consanguineo, e Giuda aveva scosso la testa vedendo i suoi occhi velarsi un po’.

- Se finisco anche io così mi do fuoco.-

"Sei silenzioso, Giudino." Aveva cinguettato Tommaso, l'unico a sembrare immune al fascino del nuovo arrivato. 

Giuda si era limitato a sorridere sornione, indicando il gruppetto alle sue spalle con un cenno del capo.

"Mi sto godendo gli avvoltoi."

"PFFFF sono tremendiii!" Aveva sussurrato il pasticciere mordendosi il labbro dal ridere, cosa che aveva fatto sorridere ulteriormente Giuda che quindi aveva continuato:

"Sembra non vedano un uomo da millenni eh. Veramente. E Patrizio ha la faccia di uno che si è pentito a sbrega."

"A cosa?

"Pentito molto. Devo insegnarti il veneziano prima o poi, Boss." 

Tommaso aveva annuito, e Giuda aveva deciso di mettersi sulla difensiva ancora prima che qualcuno potesse partire all'attacco.

"Che poi... Neanche fosse così figo. Bellino eh. Ma insomma, da far andare fuori di testa tutti e quattro?"

Tommaso aveva annuito, facendo spallucce. 

"Ti do ragione. E spero che a Luca questa cosa passi presto prima che Patrizio faccia una strage."

"Patrizio dovrebbe anche darsi una mossa però eh, Luca è troppo impedito per accorgersi di quanto stia sbavando come una lumaca. Se non si muove finisce che se lo prende qualcun altro e ti ricordo che l'ultima volta è andato di sbronza triste."

"Non ricordamelo, ti prego..."

"Ao, regà!" Remo era arrivato di soppiatto e li aveva presi entrambi sottobraccio, sorridendo come lo scemo che era.

"Venite a conoscere il nuovo arrivato!"

- Oh, no, ti prego.- 

"Capo fammi almeno togliere i guanti da piatti!"

"No no, li devi tenè, voglio che capisca chi comanda!" Aveva riso il maggiore dei gemelli Stella alla richiesta del suo lavapiatti. 

Maledetto.

Con un movimento degno dei peggiori ubriachi di Caracas, aveva portato Tommaso e Giuda al cospetto del nuovo arrivato, che aveva addosso un sorriso capace di sciogliere il cuore di Giuda in un istante.

E lo aveva fatto.

"Emilio, ecco il mio socio e pasticcere Tommaso Sandero, e il mio lavapiatti tuttofare quello-che-vuoi, Giuda."

"Ho un cognome anche io sai, vecchio." con un eyerolling degno di una star holliwoodiana, Giuda si era voltato verso Emilio. 

Merda, era ancora più bello, da vicino.

"Giuda Schiavon. Ti darei la mano ma ho i guanti."

"Schiavon?" Aveva chiesto Emilio illuminandosi. 

Ma quanto poteva essere bello un essere umano? Ma era legale?

"Ahah, si chiama Schiavon. Il che è perfetto visto che è il nostro..." Aveva iniziato Remo, ma Emilio aveva stretto le mani davanti al viso con aria sognante ed aveva chiesto, interrompendolo:

"Ma sei veneto anche tu? Io sono di Verona!"

Giuda si era limitato a fare spallucce, annuendo subito dopo.

"Par tera, par mar, Sammarco."

"Can del porco un Venexian! Beaaa!" 

Detto questo, si era avvicinato facendo finta di parlare in gran segreto - cosa impossibile visto che tutti lo stavano ancora fissando come se fosse una cosa meravigliosa, tranne forse Romolo che stava guardando proprio Giuda come se fosse la peggiore delle cose mai capitate a questo mondo:

"Cossa go da far pa aver na bona ombra de vin qua?" 

Stava cercando di parlare in veneziano? 

Ma c'era un limite a quanto potesse essere carino?

"Domandarghe a Remo. Io lavo i bicchieri, non li riempio mica." 

Detto questo si era girato verso il titolare, compiendo uno sforzo sovrumano per distogliere lo sguardo da Emilio, che sembrava parecchio abbacchiato dalla risposta.

"Posso tornare di là? Devo andare in cucina a finire i piatti prima che arrivi altra gente per l'happy hour." 

Si era quindi girato di nuovo verso Emilio, facendogli un cenno di saluto con un mezzo sorriso.

"Conterraneo, buona permanenza a Bologna."

E se n'era andato, senza lasciargli il tempo di rispondere.

*

Erano passati tre anni, da quel loro primo incontro. 

Tre anni nei quali Romolo aveva fatto il più divertente degli epic fail con Emilio, nei quali Patrizio si era deciso a ficcare la lingua in bocca a Luca, e Virgilio aveva fatto finta di essere ubriaco per toccare il culo di Romolo, che diceva di aver dimenticato, ma Giuda sapeva essere una balla. 

Perché lui, le balle, le subodorava, essendo un bugiardo cronico.

Infatti, nemmeno per un secondo aveva lasciato che qualcuno sospettasse minimamente della sua cotta allucinante per lo psicologo, specialmente il suddetto, visto che si era probabilmente ormai convinto di stargli sullo stomaco.  

Il che era l'intento del veneziano, visto che dava per scontato che il trentenne fosse ben oltre quello che uno come lui potesse permettersi. 

Dopo la disastrosa relazione col suo compagno di facoltà, Giuda aveva infatti deciso che single era decisamente meglio che col cuore a pezzi. 

Anche se il suo cuore non stava troppo bene. 

Trattare male Emilio gli stava facendo ormai perdere il sonno, a volte rischiava di dimenticare le lenti dalla stanchezza, e persino Virgilio lo prendeva per il culo per le occhiaie.

Ed ora era lì. I guanti in una mano ed una scopa nell'altra.

Con Remo che lo guardava con il sorriso dello Stregatto dipinto in faccia.

"A serpentino. L'ho capito eh. Te piace er veronese."

"Tu stai vaneggiando. Ora come ora lo ammazzerei. Ho fatto volare i bicchieri per colpa sua."

"Nun me piglià per il culo. Io e Tommy ti gridiamo contro in continuazione e non hai mai saltato così. Senti Coso, pure io le subodoro le stronzate, non sei mica l'unico. Fai il merda perché ti piace."

Giuda continuava a guardare il titolare negli occhi, cercando di negare con tutto il linguaggio del corpo.

"Non. Mi. Piace. Emilio. Non so cosa ti sei messo in testa, ma Mister Psicanalisi non è esattamente di mio gradimento okay?"

"Giuda..."

C'era qualcosa nel tono di Remo, qualcosa che per un attimo, aveva aperto una breccia nel cuore del veneziano. 

Forse... Forse poteva fidarsi, di qualcuno.

"...Dal primo giorno in cui è entrato qui dentro. A voi tutti è passata. Ma a me mai. Non ho una cotta per Emilio, Remo. Io sono innamorato, di Emilio. Ma ho sofferto abbastanza in passato da sapere che sto meglio da solo. E se poi va male? Con che faccia lo guardo? Come..."

"Non puoi saperlo. Voglio dire, non posso saperlo io che ci vivo assieme, come puoi farlo tu se scappi ogni volta che lo vedi?"

"Sono del parere che ciò che non sai non può farti del male."

"Fosse qua Luca urlerebbe 'Boiate'. Giuda... io..."

"Beh. Ormai il danno è fatto, no? Si sarà convinto che lo odio dopo la stronzata di oggi." 

Con una risata amara, Giuda aveva superato il romano, continuando: 

"Mi sono bruciato ogni possibilità, amen..."

"Giuda."

"... Però di sicuro mica smette di venire, siamo il suo bar preferito e tu sei il suo coinquilino..."

"Giuda piantala."

"Di sicuro troverà subito qualcuno, gli basta respirare e arriva sempre qualcuno..."

"Giuda!"

Il lavapiatti si era girato di nuovo verso Remo, mordendosi il labbro mentre le stupidissime lacrime iniziavano a scendere.

"Io non ce la posso fare okay? Dopo Mattia non so più come comportarmi, con un uomo. E poi sono un casino. Emilio non potrà mai apprezzare uno come me."

Remo era rimasto in silenzio per un attimo, prima di avanzare ed... abbracciare? Giuda. 

Il veneziano era basito, di solito era Tommaso, quello con cui a volte si permetteva gesti affettuosi.

"Ti devi de sta zitto. Non fai così schifo. E te lo giuro su Totti, io ti aiuterò a prenderti lo psicologo, che tu lo voglia o no." 

Giuda aveva riso amaramente, la faccia ficcata nel petto dell'altissimo coetaneo.

"Seh, vabbè. E come credi di fare?"

Remo lo aveva lasciato andare ed aveva sentenziato, serissimo.

"Sai giocare a briscola?"

[themusicplayedherlife]

Full House

3. What ARE you doing?

pairing: steve rogers x fem!reader

characters: steve rogers; you; bucky barnes; scott lang; clint barton; wanda maximoff; pietro maximoff

word count: 1.1 k+

warnings: drunk you, just mentions of roadblocks of life

a/n: steve is here and steve is very much confused! also, are you guys okay with switching povs or prefer to read it all from “reader’s” pov?

previous || all || next

Steve really doesn’t know what to do.

When he left the gym, he had no idea that he’d come home to a drunk person lounging in the main stairwell leading up to his apartment. He especially didn’t think it’d be such a cute girl that he’d find drunk in his building’s stairwell.

You keep swaying, phone in your hand and pressed against your cheek. You keep muttering, ignoring his questions.

What kind of person let’s their drunk friend leave? Shouldn’t whoever you visited tonight have tried to convince you to stay? Or call someone to pick you up?

He sighs when you hit your head against the wooden railing, and quickly cradles the side of your head to make sure you won’t hit yourself again.

“What's the name of the person you came to visit?” He asks, gentle and uncertain if you’re even listening to him. He doubts you are, what with the way you keep swaying and humming and murmuring.

“Why am I here, anyway?” you whisper, unsure and sad, almost lonely.

Were you visiting a significant other? Did you have a fight and they kicked you out? Anger burns in his stomach. What line of asshole!

You let out a whimper and his anger fades to a sizzle. He frowns, a twinge of sympathy birthing in his chest.

He definitely can’t leave you here! Not when you look so vulnerable! And sad! And hurt! Ugh.

Maybe he can bring you up to his apartment? He’s sure Bucky won’t mind. And besides, you’ll be safer there than you are out here. He and Bucky are still new to the building and have barely gotten to know the people on his floor; so who knows if any sketchy people are living here. There’s also a chance he can get his hands on your phone, maybe he can even call a friend of yours to come pick you up!

Yeah. Yeah, he can—shit! Are you falling asleep? Yes, you are.

With a deep sigh, he gently pries your phone from your grip and stuffs it into his pocket before strapping on his backpack tightly. “Sorry, ma’am. Got no other choice,” he warns your sleepy self before lifting you up into his arms and carrying you up a flight of stairs.

“Bucky,” he hisses, knocking the door with the tip of his shoes. He knows Bucky isn’t asleep right now—he never is—he can see light from the television filtering under the door, and Bucky can’t sleep with the television on. Ever since they were kids, Bucky has needed peace and quiet to fall asleep.

The door opens with a click revealing a disheveled and confused Bucky. “What are you doing?” His eyes drop down to you sleeping peacefully in his arms and drooling all over his white workout shirt. “And who the hell is that?”

With a grunt, he readjusts his hold on you and tells Bucky through gritted teeth to move out of the way. His best friend and roommate complies, and he grunts a thank you. “I don’t know. Found her passing out on the stairwell.”

“And you brought her here?”

“What was I supposed to do? Leave her out there?” He slowly places you down on the long beige sofa, and you quickly roll away from him and snuggle into it.

“Well, no, but what if she tries to murder us in our sleep?”

He rolls his eyes as he drops himself down on the matching loveseat. “I doubt she could harm us, Buck.”

“You’re too trusting,” Bucky mutters, closing the door.

He pulls out your phone and presses the button on the side to turn it on, only to be greeted by a black screen and a red, depleting battery. Steve groans, throwing his head back. “Fuck!”

“What?” Bucky asks, leaning in to see what has him so frustrated.

“I was hoping to call someone she knows, but her phone’s dead.”

“Then charge it.” Before Steve could retort in sarcasm, Bucky surprisingly takes him off guard. “Just let her sleep it off for a few first. You already brought her up here, anyway.”

Steve eyes him gratefully. “You sure?”

He shrugs. “Might as well.”

“Then she can sleep in—“

“Your room. You brought her up here, she’s your responsibility.”

“She’s not a dog, jerk.”

“No, but she’s your stray, thus, your responsibility.”

Should he go in? Should he not go on? Would it be weird? It would definitely be weird, wouldn’t it? He’s a stranger, you’re a stranger, you wake up in said stranger’s bed, said stranger is in the same room as you—yeah, that’s definitely weird. And creepy. Maybe he should wait until you come out on your own?

“What are you doing?” Bucky whispers into his ear, taking him completely off guard and almost making him drop the glass of water and medicine he’s holding.

“What the fuck, Buck?”

His best friend grins widely and steps back. “You should just go in instead of standing outside like a creep.”

Steve winces. “Do I really look like a creep?”

“If you keep standing like that, yes. Just go in. It’s too early for her to be awake anyway.”

Bucky’s right. People with hangovers usually stay in bed until the afternoon. Bucky has. And it’s Sunday. People like to sleep in on a Sunday, right?”

“Anyway, I’m heading out,” Buck says, picking up his gym bag from the sofa and heads for the door. “I have a class full of tykes ready to learn how to box and I need some caffeine from my favorite shop to keep up with their energy.”

“Are you sure you’re not just going there for the Barista you like so much?” he calls out to Bucky before he can close the door.

Bucky flips him off and closes it with a quiet click.

Steve turns back to the door in front of him and takes a deep breath, hyping himself up to knock on his bedroom door.

It’s rare to be able to meet up with all of your siblings for lunch, what with Wanda’s tight lunch schedule; Pietro being on call all the time; and you and Clint running around the office and sometimes the metropolitan courthouse. Scott is probably the only one out of the four of you with a flexible schedule.

The bistro is small, and not very frequented. A hole in the wall, really. But it makes the best banh mi you’ve ever had and is definitely one of the cutest places to eat you’ve found. Soft music plays from the speakers overhead; sounding like those cafe playlists on Spotify. It's nice and peaceful, especially with all the hanging ferns and cute plants decorating the tables.

“I’m serious, you guys, I think we should give them a chance to explain.” Since the moment you all arrived at the bistro, Wanda has been trying to get you to agree to talk to your parents—no, she’s been trying to get you to agree since last night. It’s a little suspicious if you think about it.

However, there’s no denying that her persistence is starting to wear you down. And she has made some fair points. The boys seem the disagree.

Pietro, just like last night when she cornered you both for dinner, scowls. “Why? They lied to us. Kept a huge secret.”

Scott nods, stuffing his face with fries, not caring if his neat, button down gets dirty with grease. “Yeah.”

You grimace. “Scott, please chew and swallow.”

He does as you say and then grins cheekily at you before turning to Wanda with a semi serious expression. “If they were able to keep such a huge secret, what else could they be hiding from us? That we’re not their children?”

Wanda sighs as you roll your eyes. “Scott, you’re adopted. We’re all adopted. They never hid that from us.”

He scoffs. “That’s besides the point. Right, Clint?”

All eyes fall on Clint, who has been silent since Wanda brought up the topic. He sits with arms crossed, food untouched, his eyes boring into your sister. “You already know don’t you?”

Scott chokes on his fries and Pietro’s eyes widen, shock coloring their faces.

Wanda, however, remains neutral, but the way her eyes twitch under his heavy gaze gives her away.

“You do,” you say with a gasp. “They told you?”

She closes her eyes and sighs. “Yes.”

Scott’s chair creaks when he stands up, pointing an accusing finger at her. “Traitor!”

“Scott!” You whisper harshly, tugging at his arm. “Sit down! People are staring!” And they are. Who wouldn’t stare after that loud exclamation from your brother?

“Sorry.” He quickly sits down before once more pointing at your sister and whispering, “Traitor.”

Wanda lets out a loud sigh. “Look, they told me because I called them to update them on Michael,” she says, voice cracking. “They were worried.”

“What was their excuse, then?” Clint asks softly.

“Us.”

“Us?” Your eyebrows shoot to your hairline and your sister nods. “What do we have to do with them not telling us they got divorced?”

“Well… Maggie getting engaged and Scott moving back in temporarily.” Scott winces at that. He might be on good terms with his baby momma and her husband now, but that wasn’t always the case. “Lulu’s adoption and how hard it was to be able to take her home for Clint and Natasha.” Clint’s jaw clenches. It wasn’t just a tough time for him. It was for all of you, too, especially for Michael who had been looking forward to being a big brother. It took over a year and a half for Lulu’s adoption to be finalized.

Her eyes catch your eyes and they turn sympathetic. “You almost dropping out of law school.” You look away from her, rubbing your arm. Yeah, that was a tough time for you. “Pietro leaving for Sokovia for a year.” He drops his head, remembering how hard it was to go on that trip for him and your family. “And well, me struggling to find what I’m good at.” Wanda had been hit pretty hard with Pietro leaving, and it just so happened that Wanda had been hit with an existential crisis at the same time.

“It was one thing after another and they didn’t want to add more stress on to us.”

“So they got a divorce without us knowing instead?” Pietro says, his frown deepening.

She doesn’t shy away from his skeptical gaze. “I know. It was dumb. I won’t deny it,” she admits. “But our parents prioritized us and our feelings. I know that if through all of that our parents announced their divorce, I’d probably have been more devastated than I am now about it.”

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth as you mull over her words. She could be right. But did they have to get a divorce in secret? Couldn’t they have waited until now? And why did they get a divorce anyway?

Your phone goes off pulling you out of your thoughts. Reading the reminder displayed on your screen, you let out a sigh and lock eyes with Clint. “We have to get going. We have a consultation with Mr. Lee at 12:45.”

Clint nods and pushes away from the table. “Right. Text Lucy and make sure she has the paperwork ready.”

You nod, already typing out a quick message to the office’s secretary.

“I should get going too,” Scott says, following your example and stands. “With Luis still on vacation, I left Dave in charge of the office, so who knows if I’ll have an office to go back to.”

Pietro stands up too. “If you guys are leaving, then I should too.”

“I’ll get the bill, then,” Clint says, moving away from the table.

Before he can take another step, Wanda’s firm voice stops him, “Guys, wait. Please, just… talk to them? You don’t have to forgive them, yet. But they’re our parents and they deserve a chance to explain.”

She’s right. What harm is there to hear them out? They’re your parents after all—and they chose you. All of you. So shouldn’t you choose to hear them out too?

You glance at your brothers and find that their eyes are roaming around the cafe, knowing that if they meet her sincere gaze they would give in immediately.

With an eye roll, you decide to be the first to react, knowing that they’d soon follow after. “I guess I can give it a try.” Wanda’s frown lifts slightly.

Clint runs a hand through his hair, pursing his lips in thought. “I’ll think about it.”

“Yeah, okay, I will too,” Scott adds, throwing his hands in the air.

Wanda beams.

Your eyes drift to Pietro who has yet to agree, and under the pressure of everyone’s eyes on him, he gives in with a dramatic groan. “Fine.”

“Thank you,” Wanda gushes, rounding the table to hug all of you, and somehow, you end up in the middle of this hug that Scott is completely all in for, Clint is somewhat okay with, and Pietro is completely disgruntled about.

“Okay, can we stop being cute and gross, please?” You exclaim from within the group hug. “I’m getting squished here!”

next

[purplesurveys]

851

How have you been feeling lately? Have you been doing ok? Uncomfortable because of period cramps and the heat WHICH IS STILL HERE, even though it’s supposed to be gone right about now and it’s supposed to be raining at this point. I wish I was kidding saying this but we literally have three electric fans turned on just for the living and dining rooms. It’s crazy and stupid and it shouldn’t be this hot anymore. I’m doing better mentally and emotionally, so at least that balances things out lol.

Are you currently in quarantine? Still am. While all countries are slowly going back to normal, our Covid cases continue to get higher and higher everyday because our government hasn’t done anything except to make us stay home for three months. No mass testing, no alternate public transport plans, and for some reason Duterte keeps borrowing billions of dollars’ worth of loans from the World Bank nearly every week, and we have no idea where the stupid fucking money goes. Our government is convinced they’ve been doing everything right so they’ve loosened up quarantine protocols, so with malls and restaurants being open again we’ve done nothing but reach record high cases almost every day.

Do you wear a mask when you go to the store? I’ve gone outside a total of three times since March and I wore a mask for two of those times. The first time I went out I just genuinely forgot to bring a mask, but in the end it was fine because I only had to stay in the car.

Does your state require people to wear masks in stores? As far as I know it’s not a requirement per se, but fortunately everyone follows the safety precautions anyway.

Do you know anyone who’s had the coronavirus? Yeah, my mom’s former boss. This is a bit of a stretch but I also know someone personally who had immediate family members that tested positive.

What was the last sweet treat you ate? I had a peanut butter doughnut from J.CO! Soooooooo good.

Was it a nice day out today? No, it’s too hot. Even if life was normal rn I’d prefer to be indoors with air conditioning, like a mall.

Is the weather nice where you live usually? Fuck no. It is disgustingly hot, sticky, and humid 3/4 of the year.

What was the last thing you ordered online? I don’t do a lot of online shopping. When I get something online it’s usually to get food delivered, and the last time I did that it was me and Andrew getting Hong Kong noodles.

Are you expecting a package right now? Nopes.

Have you ever ordered anything from Wish? If so, what did you buy, and did you feel it was worth it? No, though I remember Good Mythical Morning featuring it in a couple of episodes. I don’t feel comfortable buying from stores or sellers that sell things for a lot cheaper because they could always be fake, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable buying from that site.

Are you a youtuber? If so, are you consistent with uploads? and how many subscribers do you have? I’m not, but I do have my own channel. I just use it to like videos and subscribe to my favorites, though.

What is one thing you hate about summer? The weather. Honest to goodness I’d really rather live somewhere that gave me -40C weather everyday.

Did you go outside today? No. My dad wanted to bring Cooper to my grandma’s place and I planned to come along, but at the last minute he changed his mind and did just the errands he was supposed to do.

What is the name of your youtube channel, if you have one? It’s just my full name because my YouTube is linked to my Google account.

What was the name of the last store or restaurant that overcharged you? I don’t know any instances where that would happen. I don’t find service charge inconvenient because I know that directly goes to the servers anyway so I don’t mind how high it gets most of the time. Is your room more often messy or clean? It’s clean most of the time but sometimes when I’m busy I won’t be able to keep it clean and it’ll be clean-messy? Like I’ll leave stuff around but I’ll still know where everything is lol.

Who is someone you miss? ALL MY FRIENDS BRUH

What is something you miss? Being able to go out and freely do activities. Life Pre-COVID < Life pre-COVID, perfectly put. I miss getting an allowance, being out until midnight, having dates with my girlfriend thhe most.

Do you feel like your emotions are often haywire? Not necessarily, but they can get pretty unstable sometimes.

Have you ever received a misdiagnosis from a doctor? Nah but I’ve been given a prescription that didn’t work. We went to our family doctor who made me take a certain medicine for three days, and I started getting worried when three days had passed and I still had my fever. I went to Angela’s mom and she was super quick to tell me that that medicine wasn’t the right one to take for a UTI and prescribed me with something else; and that second one ended up working like magic.

Have you ever been “diagnosed” with a mental illness from an online friend? who is not a doctor? If yes, isn’t that frustrating? That’s never happened before, but if it did I wouldn’t let my frustration get the best of me. I’d just tell them that they should avoid doing that if they’re not a professional because they could very much end up seriously harming people.

Do you have any friends that you can trust and tell everything to? All of them.

What was the name of your favorite roommate you’ve had? Kimi :)

Do you have a favorite book that you’ve read multiple times? Yeah when I was a kid I would reread this book that an aunt had given me for Christmas as much as I could. For many years I forgot the title but after painstakingly Googling the few keywords I could remember I finally found out it again – it’s a series called Three Girls in the City by Jeanne Betancourt, but I only ever read the first book because it was the only gift I got. It’s not my favorite book, but I’d be so happy if I got to be reunited with it again because I don’t think we got to keep it around when we moved houses.

What’s one book or book series that you’ve read multiple times? ^ That, multiple wrestling memoirs, and Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. I’ve also reread the Twilight Saga once.

What was the name of the funniest kid you’ve ever babysat? I never babysat anyone other than younger relatives, but the one I enjoyed taking care of the most was my cousin Lucas. He was the smartest kid I babysat so it was fun talking to him, plus his yaya was always nice to me, they had a playground and sandbox at home, and all I had to do was keep him company while he watched Thomas and Friends over and over.

Do you enjoy babysitting? Just the younger relatives that were smarter and more behaved. I didn’t like the kids who thought kicking and being rowdy were fun.

Do you have any big regrets? One big one.

Are there things about your past that bother you? Of course. My entire childhood is one.

What was the last thing you saw or read on social media that made you angry? OMG get ready for this one. Our dumb as a rock presidential spokesperson was talking about how happy he is that the country beat UP’s (my school, which the government hates because we always talk shit about them lol) prediction of 40,000 Covid cases by the end of June if the government doesn’t do anything to prevent more cases. How many cases do we have? Fucking 36,000. Our government is happy because they finally beat our school over something for the very first time and they are technically happy that we got 36,000 cases, which if you round up will give you 40,000 anyway. My school had a fucking FIELD DAY over it and now he is a national meme.

Do you often post about controversial topics on facebook? At first I didn’t but that’s because I wasn’t active on Facebook in the past anyway. After I realized that I had a bigger friends list on Facebook I decided to put it to good use and post about controversial topics to educate others. It’s made a bunch of conservative family members uncomfortable and that’s the goal, son. 

Do you think it’s a good idea to post about serious topics on social media? or do you think that it’s better to discuss serious topics in person? It definitely is. In person is good too but you don’t always get that opportunity, so sharing stuff through social media doesn’t hurt too as long as information is accurate. For instance most of my relatives life far from me, so if I want them to get a piece of my mind about Trump or BLM or abortion, sharing informative graphics and tables is always convenient.

What was your favorite book you had to read for school? Without Seeing the Dawn by Stevan Javellana is my absolute favorite. It’s probably the closest thing to being my favorite book. Number the Stars by Lois Lowry is a good runner-up. On the other hand, Dekada ‘70 by Lualhati Bautista is my favorite that was written in Filipino.

Have you ever failed a class and had to repeat it? Nope. I really believe I was meant to fail algebra in my freshman year in high school because I failed every exam, but I think my teacher just took pity on me and gave me a barely-passing mark at the end of the year so that I didn’t have to go to summer school. As for college, I’ve never failed a class.

What class in school did you hate the most? In college I hated my economics elective. I still don’t know why that’s mandatory for us journ students... I also dreaded a couple of journalism classes, but it was more because of the teachers than the classes’ topics.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? I don’t think so.

What’s one childhood dream that has stuck with you, and one that has not? Having a big house; becoming a firefighter.

Would you want to re-live your childhood over again if you could? I’ve already said it on this survey, but: fuck no. I’m ok where I am now, even if I am a clumsy adult.

Which do you like more: being an adult or being a kid? Being an adult. Being a kid meant having to stomach the smell of hard alcohol and cigarettes from morning to evening everyday; being caught in the middle of screaming matches between drunk relatives; and being cramped in a single-floor home with 12 people. Like I said, I love where I am now. The amount of independence I gained in college was freeing and felt so nice and I’m glad my parents never tried holding me back. I’m also glad that I didn’t fall into the same alcohol trap, and that I know how to deal with my alcohol responsibly.

At what age were you when you started to feel like you were mature enough to offer others advice? Around college-age, so like when I turned 18.

Did your parents smoke or drink when you were growing up? Neither of them did, because we had enough alcoholism happening at my old home. It was actually my drunken relatives that finally drove my mom out of that house.

Do you enjoy bonfires? I’ve only been to one and I was like 9 years old then, so I wouldn’t know how I feel about them now.

Have you ever stepped on a sparkler? Nope.

What, do you know of, are you allergic to? No allergies.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Also nopes. I always feel bad for the ambulances that I see because I live in a very traffic-heavy city and they always end up getting stuck and crawling through traffic like the rest of us. We do try to swerve, but our roads are so tiny and always cramped that there’s little space left for us to move out of the ambulance’s way, so even though we’re able to make a path for it, the space is not big enough for the ambulance to drive in the speed it’s supposed to.

What is your favorite version of the Bible to read, if applicable? That’s a big no thanks from me.

Do you follow trends? or are you a trendsetter? Yeah, I follow some of them if I think they are nice.

Has anyone ever described you as a trendsetter? Nope, because I am not.

Do you know anyone who used to be loving, but then turned cold? List three people you’ve known whom this has happened to. My mom, Athenna, Macy. The only person I don’t resent out of these three is Macy, because I know she turned distant due to mental health issues and because she wants to fix herself first, which is responsible.

What SAT subjects, if any, did you get a perfect score in? We don’t have SAT.

What were your best subjects in school? and what was your favorite subject in school? I loved taking history electives in college, and I performed the best in them too. I also did well in international relations, which was under the political science department.

Have you ever been abused by a parent or legal guardian? I’ve been verbally and emotionally abused by my mom ever since I can remember.

Do you have a lot of wounds from your past? If we’re getting visual then I’d rather say that I have one ugly, infected gash that gets bothersome from time to time. My past isn’t made up of little tiny scattered wounds.

Has anyone ever called you a jerk? Behind my back, probably.

Are you a jerk? I can be, so I don’t mind being called it. I never said I was the nicest person.

What color were your bedroom walls in high school? They have always been white. My mom doesn’t let us have control over our own rooms, so in the beginning it’s always been plain boring white. Don’t get me wrong, I like my room but sometimes it just feels like living in a cell.

Is there a girl or guy you wish you hadn’t let slip away? I wish I was still close with my high school friends, and I remember saying how they were for keeps in my old surveys so that makes me extra sad haha. I’m civil with most of them, but no longer close. And I only ever talk to them if it’s their birthdays or if they achieved something big. The only people I’ve remained close with from that original group are Angela and Hans.

Is there an old friend that you miss and would like to reconnect with? Not really. Sofie and I have grown apart from each other now and we’re both very happy, so there’s no need to change that. I’m okay with seeing her once or twice a year.

Who has hurt you the most? My mom.

Have you been bullied? Yeah in kindergarten. Long-lasting effects though.

Which talent show, if any, would you most like to audition for? and have you auditioned for one? No thanks. I don’t have the kind of talent that I can show off, like singing or playing an instrument.

Do you know anyone who’s auditioned for American Idol? I don’t think so. But my mom knows someone who auditioned for our local version of America’s Got Talent. He’s a ventriloquist that my mom used to get for our parties. As far as I know he got into the grand finals, but I’m not sure if he won.

Is there someone you think should audition that hasn’t yet? American Idol’s been over for a while now.

What time of day do you usually feel your best? I love the evenings.

What’s one way in which you’ve changed within the last ten years? I was in sixth grade then, I’ve graduated from college now. My mom was purely verbally abusive to me then, now we have brief stints of having an actually healthy relationship. I had one dog then and I have two dogs now; I had no friends then and I have tons of them now. There’s been a lot of tiny changes but nothing that were life-changing.

Do you feel like time goes by fast, or slow? It goes both ways depending on how stimulated I am or how much fun I’m having.

Who do you know who has died of cancer? One of my great-aunts.

Has there been cancer in your family? Yeah, ^ that. Other than her I’m not sure if we’ve had other cases. My family tends to be hush-hush about cancer and only ever call it ‘c’ or ‘the big one.’

Have you ever stayed overnight in a hospital, and if so, what for? Yes, once for a low platelet count.

Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No but the cops here are just as corrupt as the ones in the US, so I can very much be a victim any time. It’s just a matter of being in the wrong place at the right time.

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to sue someone? Not so much that I wanted to sue someone, no.

Have you ever been a victim of racism? My country isn’t diverse at all and we’re all Filipinos here, and I’ve only ever traveled to Asian countries, so no. But racism is a big reason why I have no plans to go to other countries known for it.

Have you ever deleted a friend on Facebook for making racist comments? I’ve unfriended those who were being little bitches about BLM and George Floyd’s death, so I guess that kinda counts as being racist. I still have a few racist Facebook friends that I keep around, but that’s because they’re family members.

What was the last thing you ate? Binagoongan.

What was the theme of your senior prom? Clair de Lune, so like the moon and shit.

Did you go to prom? It was mandatory, so I had to go even though I really had no interest.

Have ever been engaged or married? I have been neither.

Are you an aunt or uncle? Nah but I’m a godmother to one of my cousins.

Do you live to glorify God and to do His will? LOL no

Are you happy with the way you are living your life day-to-day right now? It could be better and more filled with activity. But I’m not miserably depressed right now and that’s more than enough for me.

Do you feel like your life was better or worse six years ago? It was slightly better. I feel like 2014 was my best year.

Have you ever made a huge, catastrophic mistake? Not anything that ruined my life or someone else’s, no.

Do you feel like you are currently in a state of suffering? and that not all of your basic needs are being met? If so, how long have you been in a state of suffering? Basic needs?? So you mean poverty? No.

Do you hate social injustice? Absolutely. Anyone who tolerates it is automatically a gigantic prick, I’d say.

Are you happy with the current social class you are in? No. I don’t know how it translates to English, but in Filipino we have this term called naghaharing-uri that comprises the very very very very tiny top of the social pyramid and it’s made up of top government officials and their families, heads of corporations, old money families, etc. It’s no secret that it’s this 1% that exploits the 99% remaining in the pyramid, so even though I’m relatively comfortable in my class, I hate that, when it comes down to it, we’re only being used by this 1% for their own benefit.

Life isn’t fair. True or false? True.

Do you hate that life is so unfair? Sometimes, if it’s for stuff about social injustice and how some people have to be homeless, why homophobia exists, etc. But if it’s for tiny problems, I feel like they’re necessary sometimes so we can learn from them.

Name a few people who seem to have everything handed to them. Some richer kids that I know.

Who do you go to when you’re upset? Sometimes myself, sometimes Gabie.

Do you pray less or more than you did 5 years ago? A LOT LESS, thank fuck I got out of that trap.

Do you pray a lot? Definitely not.

Do you frequently have back pain? Yeah, haha. Kinda expected considering I have scoliosis.

What’s the worst side effect you’ve experienced for a medication? and what’s the worst withdrawal effect you’ve experienced from a medicine? Nothing worse than diarrhea. I’ve never experienced withdrawal.

Have you ever used an epi pen? Nopes.

What’s a name that you like but probably wouldn’t use for one of your kids? Isabella because I’m already an Isabelle and my girlfriend has a sister named Isabela.

What’s your name, and do you like it? Robyn. I like it now.

Would you prefer to give your kids common names or unique names? Common, more old-school names. I just feel like they sound super elegant.

Do you feel like anybody values you in the way that you deserve? Angela, Andrew, and Gab.

Who have you felt the most valued by? ^ Them.

Have you ever been treated like you were inferior? For sure.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? Oh my god this survey is so long... we didn’t have bullies in high school. We had mean girls and mean girl cliques, but as long as you weren’t involved in drama with them you’d be fine.

Do you ever sleep outside? Nah. I’d sleep at the rooftop but there are sooooo many mosquitoes at night.

How many siblings do you have? Two.

Are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? Eldest.

How many kids do you want to have? One or two would be great.

Do you want to get married? Yessssssss.

Best date you’ve been on? Probably that time we went to BGC so we can feel fancy and have a fancy dinner, then when we meant to walk back to our car to go home we ended up having impromptu drinks at like 11 PM when we randomly found a jazz bar loudly playing live music in the area. OH and that time we went museum hopping in Manila and we ended the day having delicioussss Italian food.

Dream date? Traveling out of the country.

Ever kissed someone on New Year’s? Nah. We celebrate New Year’s with our respective families so there’s no chance of that happening. Which is fine, because New Year’s is traditionally a family-centric holiday here so it would be weird for anyone to ditch their families.

Have you ever had an experience so good you felt like you were flying? Sure.

Have you ever been in so much pain you prayed that you would die? YES, with my toothache last year.

What brings you the most joy? My dogs.

What is your passion; what is it that would bring you the most joy and fulfillment in life? I’m at a point where it still keeps changing, so I don’t wanna give an absolute answer to this just yet.

Have you ever laid your dreams aside because someone else wanted you to? That’s never happened to me. I only ever gave up on one dream because it realistically wasn’t attainable, when it came down to it.

Who supports you in everything you do? My two best friends.

Who always tries to stop you whenever you try to go after your dreams? I haven’t had anyone bar me, but if someone tried to they would definitely hear from me.

Do you believe in following your heart, in going after your dreams? Not always.

Do you wish other people would want you to be happy? Of course.

Do you wish you had someone who loved and supported you? I already do.

[the-observant-frisbeetarian]

Chapter 1 - Tapped Out

Catch Perfect by George deValier

CHAPTER ONE

TAPPED OUT: A player who has lost all of his money.

Berwald drove slowly down the narrow residential road. Situated behind the university, it was a colourful, ramshackle sort of a street, obviously inhabited mainly by students. The houses were large, slightly dilapidated, many with evidence of renovations half completed then forgotten. The cars in the driveways looked old and run down. An inordinate amount of people were hanging around outside, talking over fences and strolling the footpaths; Berwald could hear the racket of people shouting and music blaring even from inside his car.

Berwald scanned the numbers of the houses he passed. He was not exactly excited about moving into a share house - in fact he was dreading it - but after his last disastrous game he didn't have much of a choice. Having lost everything, and now completely broke, he had five days to move out of his apartment. So when he'd spotted the ad for a 'Gay-friendly, Scandinavian Housemate' in the student paper he'd figured that, although a bit strange, it was probably his best option. He was a bit apprehensive, though, based on the phone call he'd made.

"Hello?" A bored voice answered after three rings.

"Hi. Callin' 'bout the ad."

"Excuse me?"

"The ad, in th'paper."

"Oh right, right. ICELAND!" Berwald winced as the voice shouted in his ear. "PHONE FOR YOU!"

A few seconds later. "Hello?"

"I… hi. Callin' 'bout the ad."

"'kay big boy, so it's ten bucks for the first five minutes, twenty every five after that, it'll be extra if you're after anything too kinky. You got the PayPal info there?"

"Er… um. The ad 'bout th'housemate."

"Oh, for Christ's sake… NORWAY YOU IDIOT HE'S CALLING ABOUT THE HOUSEMATE WANTED AD!"

A few seconds later the original voice came back on the line. "You can come look at the place tomorrow. Number 58. You'll know it when you see it."

Berwald did not have a chance to respond before the line went dead.

Coming back to the present, Berwald slowed down as some students kicked a soccer ball down the street and nearly ran in front of his car. He gritted his teeth in annoyance… some people deserved to get run over. The students waved a halfhearted apology and ran off the road into a group converging on a front lawn. Berwald nearly swerved off the road… was that blond guy naked?

He was just gaining control of the car when he saw it - an enormous Danish flag flying in front of a two-story house. Now he knew what they'd meant by knowing it when he saw it. He pulled into the driveway of number 58, parking behind a battered old Volvo. Steeling himself, and still wondering if he was doing the right thing, Berwald got out of the car and walked to the front door.

He was interrupted mid-knock as a tall, blond man brandishing a beer can threw open the door. "Yeah what?" he shouted.

"Here 'bout the ad," said Berwald, taken aback.

The man stood a bit taller and narrowed his eyes. "Which one?"

"Stud'nt paper."

"What?"

"Stud'nt paper," Berwald repeated a little louder.

"Aaah…" The blond instantly relaxed. "Let's see, that was the ad for the housemate… you gay friendly?"

Berwald wasn't actually quite sure what that meant. He'd never given much thought to his own sexuality, but he wasn't bothered by anyone else's, so he nodded. "Sure."

"Scandinavian?"

Berwald nodded again. "Swedish."

The man's eyes lit up worryingly. "The last piece of the map arrives! Come on in, Sweden. We've been waiting."

Berwald stepped warily through the door and was immediately hit by the strong smell of smoke and air freshener. He glanced cautiously around the large, open house. Some trash-laden couches and scattered beanbags centred around a TV to the left; a young man in a blue beret sat reading at a large dining table to the right. He didn't look up.

"Want a beer?" asked the loud blond, opening a small fridge in the corner of the room. It was surrounded by plastic crates, bottles both full and empty, and plastic cups. Berwald shook his head but the man tossed him a can anyway. "Haven't seen you around campus," he continued after taking a swig from his own can. "What are you studying?"

Berwald had been dreading this part of the conversation. "M'not a student."

"You work there?"

Berwald nodded and hoped he would leave it at that. No such luck.

"You're not a professor, are you?"

"No." Berwald discreetly placed the beer can in a dead pot plant. "Gard'ner."

There was a silence as the blond stared at him. Berwald stared back.

"Huh."

Actually, that was a far better reaction than Berwald was used to.

"I'm Denmark."

"Denm'rk?"

"You're kind of hard to understand, man."

Berwald shrugged. He was used to hearing that, although he wasn't sure why. He'd worked hard to get rid of his accent.

Denmark broke into a grin and laughed loudly. "Sweden, you're all right. You don't talk much, and I like that. When can you move in?"

Berwald just stared. He wasn't good with words at the best of times, and this certainly wasn't one of those.

"Let me show you around the place." Denmark casually threw his arm around Berwald's shoulder, and Berwald fought the instinct to throw it off. Denmark led him to the dining table first. "This is my sugar plum, Norway. Isn't he the sweetest thing you've ever seen?" Denmark ruffled Norway's beret.

"Don't touch me," Norway growled. He did not look up from his book: The Stranger by Albert Camus.

Denmark giggled and pinched Norway's cheek. "Yes you are just the sweetest, cutest little pixie in all of Scandinavia you are!"

"I am going to kill you one day."

"Hehe, silly little Norge."

Berwald blinked in surprise. He was starting to wonder about Denmark's mental wellbeing – and what was with the names?

"And here we have the living room," Denmark continued, steering Berwald over to the circle of couches. What Berwald had taken for a large pile of rubbish was actually two guys, asleep, covered in cushions, fast food wrappers, and empty bottles. "This is Faeroe, and this is Greenland."

"My name's Mike," came a muffled voice from beneath a cushion.

"Shut up, Greenland. Now Sweden, as my newest subject you have last choice in the television viewing schedule. If you wish to view a program, you must submit the title and time of the show, in writing, at least one week prior to its airtime. Please also include a brief summary of its content and why you…"

"Don't watch much TV," Berwald interrupted quickly.

"Ah. Well there you go. Study's through the back there, and the kitchen is right through here…"

It was obvious by this stage that Berwald should just leave. He didn't really get people. He didn't particularly like people. And any person choosing to live with this 'Denmark' had to be either perpetually drunk or a little insane. Being students, possibly both. He tried to protest as Denmark steered him into the kitchen. "Look, th'nks, but think I might…"

"Finland!" cried Denmark cheerfully. "When did you get home?"

The young man in the kitchen glanced up as he shut the fridge. "Hey, Den. I just came in through the back."

"Sweden, this is Finland."

Berwald's heart suddenly, unexpectedly, filled his chest. The instant their eyes met, Finland blinked his away, stepping back to grip the counter behind him. He stared intently at his feet, as though they were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. He had two different shoes on. Berwald couldn't breathe.

"Finland, meet Sweden, our new housemate." Denmark's voice sounded muffled and far away.

Berwald opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was dry. He coughed a few times before finally managing to say, "'t's B'rw'ld."

"It's what?"

"It's Berwald," Finland clarified, still staring at his feet, his light blond hair falling in his eyes. Berwald had seen them only briefly, and thought they were blue. Or green. Or hazel.

"What's Berwald?"

"He's Berwald!"

"No, Fin, he's Sweden."

Finland just shook his head. He was wearing the ugliest sweater Berwald had ever seen. It had a moose on it. "It's very nice to meet you, Berwald. My name is Tino."

Tino. Berwald almost spoke it aloud… Tino. What a wonderful name. Shy Tino. Blue or green or hazel eyed Tino. Tino, whose shoes did not match.

Denmark swung himself up to sit on the bench and patted Tino on the shoulder. "Great to see you're getting along with your new roommate."

Berwald felt his brain cease functioning at this point. "Roommate?"

"Yeah, look, I know we advertised another room but you know how these things go." Denmark shrugged and took a gulp from his beer can. "Decided we needed it for the twister mat."

"He's moving into my room?!" Tino spluttered, recoiling from Denmark's hand. "You never even asked me!"

Denmark raised the hand placatingly. "Hey hey, it's all good Fin, we moved some of your stuff today to make space. Found your stack of porn under the bedside table. Kinky stuff." He winked.

Tino turned red. "Huh… that's not…" He looked straight at Berwald, eyes wide and panicked and… violet. Violet eyed Tino. "I don't have…"

"Haha, just kidding, this kid's innocent as they come, I swear." Denmark dropped back to his feet and charged, face suddenly inches from Berwald's own. Berwald did not blink. "Which is why you're NOT staying in his room. Well, not exactly. We've rigged you up a little alcove upstairs. I'm sure you'll be completely comfortable."

Berwald contemplated the situation. There were guys passed out on the couch, a psychopath reading existential philosophy in the dining room, and this 'Denmark' was quite possibly certifiably insane. Then Berwald looked at shy, badly dressed, violet eyed Tino, and he could only nod. He wasn't going anywhere. "Sounds good t'me."

.

Next Chapter

Disclaimer: This story belongs to George deValier. Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. I own nothing.

[dr-roe-md]

Potential Connections: 

Thief for hire: someone Roe can make a connection with and hire  to both steal and dig up any and all information the police did not disclose about his sister’s investigation investigation (0/1)

People connected to Annie: (0/∞)

Annie’s former boss/coworker, someone Annie was in a relationship with at one time, or her roommate—depending on just what she was involved in there’s a pretty good chance that Annie didn’t tell her brother about them (though they might know who he is?), so Roe doesn’t currently know these people yet, but as he discovers more about Annie’s past he might find out about them.

Annie’s friends that she was willing to tell Roe about; these people could have been a source of support for Roe while Annie was in the coma and are grieving with him now that she has officially passed

Anyone connected to the legal side of Annie’s case (the police, private investigators that Roe hired, etc.) that Roe has pestered endlessly for the past several years.

People that were seen as potential suspects in Annie’s shooting (either because they were in the area that night and interviewed, or because they had previous connections to Annie)—Roe wouldn’t know about them yet, but once he gets a thief to get him some police intel then he’d find their name connected to the report and track them down

People from Roe’s past (He’s 33 now, if that helps with these) (0/∞)

Neighbor/School Peer:

From birth until he was 13 he was in the inner city of a rough neighborhood in Chicago.

From 13 – 16 he was with a more affluent foster family living outside of Chicago

From 16 – 30 he lived in St. Louis… not likely he’ll have a lot of connections from then, but I thought I’d throw it out there just in case  

People  on the other end of Roe getting set up on blind dates (0/3—Roe would probably die if I made him deal with any more than that)

Roe’s dating life consists of encounters his co-workers force him into. Any genders welcome

The One Night Stand: They went out, and while they found each other attracted it was obvious to both of them that they weren’t in a position to make something long-term work. But the company was pretty good, the sex even better, so if they stumbled upon each other again it’s likely they could at least be friends (who possibly occasionally still sleep together on occasion)

The Half-Date: Being an ER doctors means sometimes willing to drop everything and get to work; unfortunately that happened to be while these two were out of a date. If they run into each other again Roe will no doubt be apologizing profusely and offering to buy them an “I’m really sorry coffee” (caffeine heals all wounds)—as another date or as just casual acquaintances if the other person has moved on?

The Almost: Roe isn’t very good at dating, but there was something special about what these two shared, and it’s one of the only blind-dates he’s been on that included several follow up dates. Things were actually going well, they were seeing each other regularly, and seemed on the cusp of defining what they were to each other. Which, of course, is when Roe had an internal freak out about intimacy and commitment and ended the relationship. They haven’t seen each other since, but when they do who’s to say what will happen? Are the livid at Roe for cutting them off without the decency of an explanation? Are they hurting and just wanting some closure? Perhaps they’re hopeful that Roe will open up about the demons he’s facing and let them help him through this?

Friends??? (For the love of god someone please befriend this overworked and stressed out mess of a human being)  0/∞)

He is so desperately in need of friends, so no matter how random or odd the scenarios of them meeting have to be, if there’s a way to make it happen I will make it happen

Roe at this point is not at all supportive of illegal activities, but as they say, what he doesn’t know will help me form connections now that will be heartbreakingly intriguing later as he has to figure out how to respond to people he thought he knew but really didn’t.

People he’s met through work 0/∞)

This could include:

Co-workers/hospital volunteers

Former patients or friends/family of former patients

Someone not connected to his caseload, but they happen to spend a lot of time in the hospital (for themselves or someone else) and he sees them around and they’ve chatted a few times

People in any way shape or form connected to his parents? 0/∞)

Dear ole dad:

His dad was an abusive drunk who was only a part of Roe’s life until he was 6 (and I’m sure even that was in and out)

Could be someone his father worked with/for (either legal or illegal activities; Roe sure as hell doesn’t know what the man did/does)

Maybe some unknown half sibling or two that he doesn’t know about?? because let’s be real, that man was known for having kids and peace-ing out and I am an absolutely sucker for sibling relationships and unfortunately my muse already killed off the two Roe had

Beloved mother

Roe’s mom was in jail from 2000 through 2017 (charges of drugs, child neglect, manslaughter), out on parole for 14 months and then sentenced back for another six years for drug charges

Female characters in prison at that time might have encountered her? Brief chance someone encountered his mom on the streets when she was out?

Though Roe cut his mother out of his life nearly 2 decades ago when she was arrested, she has found new ways of ruining his life. Though Roe didn’t want anything to do with their mother after going into foster care, Annie did not share the sentiment and still occasionally kept contact with her mother through the years, updating her about her own and Roe’s life. During her brief time out of jail Miranda managed to rack up quite a lot of debt after heavily borrowing money to feed her renewed drug addiction. Even though she was back in jail debts still had to be paid and the people who owed money to her connections inside the jail and could make her life a living hell (or just take her out if it came to it), so Miranda panicked and told them that her son was a very wealthy doctor and would help pay it back. So though Roe hasn’t spoken to his mother in years let alone agreed to help her in any kind of way, suddenly he has people showing up in his life expecting him to cough over money. Basically looking for someone interested in blackmailing, threatening, or beating up on Roe a little to get him to hand over some money. 

Drug = Bad

So a lot of Roe’s life was messed up because of his mother’s addiction so he hates drugs, but on the other side of that he has a ton of respect and is highly encouraged by people who fight their addiction. 

When he can Roe goes and volunteers at one of the rehab facilities in the area. He’ll stop by and do some psychoeducation for the group- talking about the science of addiction from a medical perspective and how they can work through it. No one really wants to hear that, but every time Roe comes he also makes dinner & dessert for the group and he’s actually a wonderful cook so it’s well worth it. 

All of this to say, if any characters were every in rehab for their drug addiction they might have met Roe through that at some point. 

Unbroken ground

If none of these work for you please come chat with me anyway because I live for plotting and we will find a way to connect our characters! 

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You and Tommy went grocery shopping one night, and when you get home, the power is out. You both have armfuls of bags, but can’t see anything. “I can’t see shit,” you say. “Don’t worry, I got this,” Tommy says before stomping his foot. Little lights on his shoes flash in the dark for a moment. “Why are you like this,” you state it more than ask it. How does he respond?

“Because I think outside the box. And you can’t really complain. It’ll help us find a way up the steps.” 

2. You and Crue are walking around the city, seeing sights. You stop outside a public restroom after lunch, and when Tommy and Nikki get into the building you hear, “Aw man, no way!” Vince and Mick are standing outside with you, so you send Mick to investigate. After a minute, he comes back outside. “There’s a homeless guy in there on the floor, and it looks like he OD’ed.” How do you respond?

“Well, then, why hasn’t anyone called 911 yet? We’ve gotta get him to a hospital.”

3. Kevin is driving you, Rudy, Randy and Drew home after a long day. You’re on a long stretch of just straight highway, and Kevin suddenly slams on the brakes and shouts “CHINESE FIRE DRILL” and gets out of the car. He didn’t pull over or anything, so you’re stopped in the middle of the fast lane on a 75 MPH freeway. The boys are confused and haven’t moved. What do you do?

“Kevin, get your fucking ass back in the car right now or so help me god. If we crash this car because of your stupidity...” And when he doesn’t I’d get out and run around to the driver's side while the cars behind us are honking. “Kevin get in the passenger’s side. Now.”  

4. You, OG QR and Crue are all playing fugitive one night. You, Kevin, Mick and Drew are the “Cops” and the rest are the “Fugitives.” You’re sitting shotgun in Kevin’s car, and Mick and Drew have gone their separate ways in their own cars. You’re scanning the sides of the street looking for the Fugitives when Kevin screams “Oh fuck!” and swerves violently before hitting something. After the car’s stopped, you ask him “What happened?” He’s frantically trying to unfasten his seatbelt and get out. “Nikki was running across the street trying to not be seen, and I fucking hit him!” How do you respond?

“Kevin, you’ve gotta be more careful!” I’d jump out and make sure that Nikki is ok. “Nikki are you ok?” He’d sit up and go, “Kevin, you hit me with your car! You ass!”

5. You and GNR are walking down the street to go to Axl’s house one day after you all finished your volunteering. The road you’re walking along isn’t a highway, but it’s pretty busy. After about a half mile, Axl says under his breath, “Oh shit…” He looks up, and suddenly sprints across the street in a rare space between traffic. “What are you doing?” you shout. “We need on this side! Come on, if you run you can make it!” How do the rest of you respond?

The rest of them would run and then I’d go fuck it and run too. 

6. Nikki decides to take you and the boys to McDonald’s one day. You all walk in, and everyone except Mick scampers off. This happens all the time, so you’re unfazed. You two get in line, and after about 3 minutes, Nikki runs up and taps you on the shoulder. “We were in the play area and Vince and Tommy got stuck at the top.” What do you do?

“Why did you go in the play area? And how did they get up there? The play place is only for like kids who are like 12 and under. Their definitely not 12.” When we’d get to the play place I’d notice that Tommy and Vince aren’t actually stuck they just refuse to come down. “Hey, guys, the foods here so if you want to eat come down. Otherwise, I’m not coming up to give it to you.” They’d come down like a minute or two later.  

7. Your parents got you to go to church for Christmas one year. You’re sitting through the service when Warren walks down the center aisle wearing a priest’s uniform. Why is he dressed like that, what does he do, and how do you respond?

Apparently, Ratt was doing a music video and neglected to tell anyone about it. So we’d all sit there confused until the music started and then I’d most likely get up and dance.  

8. You come home and your roommate, Stephen, is nowhere to be found. He’s always home before you, so this is unusual. You go into your bedroom and find him reading your journal. What has he read and how do you respond?

“You didn’t tell me you had a crush on Warren.” “Stephen stop reading my journal!” I’d grab it from him. “Please don’t go through my stuff.” 

9. You are helping Mick with Group Initiation for theatre. You take your new recruits, Nikki, Tommy, Vince, and Kevin to the local WalMart per tradition. Once parked, Mick hands the 4 of them $20. “Alright, you guys have ten minutes to each pick out the 3 weirdest things you can get for $5. Go!” Who buys what?

Nikki: goldfish, hairbrush, apple

Tommy: Chocolate bar, Swedish fish, sour patch kids 

 Vince: Crayons, coloring book, colored pencils 

Kevin: ibuprofen, a people magazine, Doritos      

10. Kevin has stated time and time again how much he hates classical music. He bashes it constantly. You come home one day to find him sitting in the living room with the stereo on, crying silently to Aaron Copland’s Rodeo. (X) How does he react to seeing you, and how do you respond?

“I thought you didn’t like classical,” I’d say as I cross my arms. He’d look at me and blush, “Well, what can I say. It’s good.” 

11. You’re on a small motorized boat with Ratt. Stephen and Warren are having an argument about who knows what, when Stephen suddenly pushes Warren overboard. How do you respond?

“Stephen! You’ve gotta be careful. You might tip the boat. Help me get Warren back up here.” 

---------------------

1) You’re trying to get Randy up early because you have to go out to the grocery store. And every time you try to wake him up he refuses to get up. Finally, you just grab his face and start singing really loudly, “YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE. MY ONLY SUNSHINE.” How does he react?

2) You put your ice cream into the communal freezer with a huge “ @osbournebemydaddy ’s. Do not eat Stephen!” When you go back a couple of hours later, you see that it’s gone and when you turn to the kitchen table you see the note and Stephen eating your ice cream. How do you react?

3) You come home from work one day to see Stephen sitting on the couch with a sit eating grin on his face. When you ask him why he’s grinning he shows you a small golden retriever puppy and says, “I know we’re not supposed to have a dog because the landlord said no pets but I smuggled him in. Can we keep him?” How do you respond?

4) Warren and Robbin come over one night unexpectedly when you and Stephen just wanted to watch a shitty movie together. You tell them this and they both look at each other and say, “Uh-huh, you just wanted your apartment to yourself so that you could sleep together.” How do you and Stephen respond?

5) You come home from work to find the apartment empty, which is odd because Stephen is usually home before you. You think nothing of it until you look at the clock and realize that it’s 12. Another three hours pass before Stephen comes home and you vault off the couch. “Honestly, why didn’t you come home earlier? I was so worried, you dumbass!” Where was he and how does he respond?

6) You wake up one morning to find Randy really, really sick. You tell him you’ll be back in an hour because you’re going out to get him soup, popsicles, and medicine. When you come back you give it to him and then climb back into bed. After about an hour or two you tell him you have to leave to meet Kevin to work on something for the band. He wraps his arms around you and says, “No, I don’t want you to leave again!” How do you respond?

7) You are sitting in the kitchen when Randy comes out half dressed and you say without looking up, “Seriously, I need us to have a no naked/half naked rule in our home,” then you look up at him, “Or maybe, upon further thought...never mind..” How does he respond?

8) You’re doing a college production of The Sound of Music and middle schoolers were brought in from the local middle school to play the kids. You, who plays Maria, and Randy, who plays Captain Von Trapp, are in charge of the kids. you count out the four and then go, “wait, Where’s Johnny?!” Where is he and what do you do?

9) You play a character who dies in the play that your school is putting on. Nikki and Tommy have to carry you out at the end of the scene. You look at both of them and say, “I’m supposed to be carried out of this scene and I swear if you drop me, I’ll end you.” How do they respond?

10) You and Stephen walk by a pet shop and see a really cute kitten. “Aw, can we get it?” Stephen asks you. “No, the landlord won’t let us have it.” You say and head to the car. The next day Stephen comes home a little after you get back from work with a box. When you open the box you see two kittens. How do you respond?

11) You wake up with a wicked hangover and soon realize you are in bed with another person. You open your eyes to find Kevin who says, “you were too drunk to five your own room so I let you crash here on my bed.” How do you respond?

@osbournebemydaddy, your move.                           

[steves-on-a-plane]

Future Mrs. Stark (Pt. 3)

Part One / Part Two / Part Four / Part Five  Word Count: 2045 Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader Timeline: Pre-Iron Man Other: Arranged Marriage AU Summary: Reader, now eighteen, heads to MIT to stay the weekend with Tony at his college home. When she arrives there’s a raging party with a line nearly as long as the block. What starts out as a fun evening doesn’t go exactly according to Tony’s plan.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Your family driver asked, looking back at you through the rearview mirror. You looked out the car to the crowded streets. There were rows as far as you could see of cars double parked on either side of the road. Amongst the cars, sidewalks and houses an ocean of people walked in small groups.  

"The address Tony gave me is about a half block from here." You explained to the driver as you gathered your things. "But I can manage the walk!" You insisted as you clambered out of the vehicle. "Tony's bringing me home, I'll see you in a few days!" Your shouting was barely audible over the jumbled mess of the crowd and if the driver hollered something back, you couldn't hear it.  

You could hardly believe that all of these people were gathered around for a college party. The street was ridiculously packed with students in costumes all walking towards the same house as you. There was so much else going on you doubted that you stood out with a dufflebag slung over one shoulder and your purse slung over the other. Six houses down from where your driver had dropped you off was the address Tony had sent you. It was a blue single-family house and was probably a beautiful Victorian style but you couldn't see the house or much else besides the party goers. The line to get into the party stretched back three houses. You somehow managed to weave your way to the front of the line.  

"Cover charge is twenty bucks, even if you're hot." A drunk guy, clad in only a bed sheet and a flower crown spray painted gold, slurred at you from the front door. He held out a baseball cap full of cash expectantly.  

"I don't think so." You scoffed. "I'm a friend of Tony's."  

"Babe, everyone is a friend of Tony's here." The makeshift Roman lolled his head. "Twenty bucks or get out of my line."  

"Are you kidding me?" You rolled your eyes. You being not drunk, were able to easily duck under the Roman's arm and let yourself into the house. The Roman shouted after you, but that was all he could do since he wasn't allowed to leave his post as doorman.

"Hey we've got a runner!" He screamed. You were momentarily worried that you might actually get kicked out of the house before you even got to see your best friend, but he was there in the nick of time. Tony was already marching down the stairs when he'd heard his front door watch dog shouting. He sprinted the rest of the way down the steps when he spotted you.  

"[Y/N]!!" He smiled from ear to ear. As soon as he was close enough Tony pulled you into a tight hug. "It's been like a million years." He mumbled into your hair.  

"It's been four months." You giggled.  

"We'll it's felt so much longer." He insisted. "I see you've met the doorman. His name is Keith." Tony pointed his thumb at the Roman.  

"Keith, this is my best friend on the entire planet. She comes in for free and gets whatever she wants. understood?" Tony explained.  

"Of course, Tony!" Keith nodded slowly. "I didn't realize she was with you."  

"C'mon. Let's get you settled upstairs." Tony kept one arm wrapped around your waist and led you upstairs where it was quieter.  

"So, when you told me there was going to be a small party the day I got here, I wasn't expecting all of this."  

"Well, small is a relative term." Tony smirked. "But we do this every week. Me, Keith and the other guys we rake in hundreds by hosting these parties. Best costume drinks for free. There's a crown and everything." He gave you a sly wink.  

At the top of the stairs you turned left and Tony led the way to his bedroom. It looked almost exactly like his room back home. Maybe not with decorations but the wires, gears and spare parts scattered around the room. The floor was also littered with empty soda cans and beer bottles, it was essentially the same as his room at the Stark Mansion. You threw your purse and duffle bag at an empty spot on the floor knowing that he didn't care.  

"I've only got the one bed, Darling, but that shouldn't be a problem being that our wedding is almost any day now." Tony winked at you again and you rolled your eyes. He was insufferable.

"We're eighteen. We still have what? Seventeen years? Plenty of time for our dads to call it quits." You gave him a playful punch in the arm. "In the meantime, let's get our drink on!"  

Tony was as always, a good friend to you. Good in the sense that he gave you a safe place for you underage drinking and made sure you didn’t drink too much. Whenever he had the chance he was forcing glasses of water into your hands. He made sure you never strayed out of his sight for a second; no matter how crowded the room was. When the cops came to break up the party, which Tony and his roommates were completely prepared for, he made sure you were hidden safely upstairs.  

When the night began to wind down it was only you, Tony, his roommates and a handful of their closest friends lounging around in the living room. No one seemed to mind that the house was completely trashed or that there was practically an ankle-deep layer of cans and bottles covering the entire first floor. The beer pong table had most of its cups overturned and some were even dripping on the floor. The ping pong balls for the game had been lost hours ago. The loud party music playlist felt out of place with everyone nearly passed out around the room. Someone should have gotten up and turned it off but they were all too tired.

"Rough night?" Tony smirked. He leaned forward and kissed you on the forehead. You rested your head on his shoulder and smiled.  

"Nah, I got to be with my best friend. Too bad we didn't get to dance together though." You sighed. "It’s been forever since we danced."

"You wanna dance, Sweetheart?" Tony struggled to his feet and walked over to the CD player. He changed the song to a soft jazzy piano number and held out a hand to you. "Let's dance."

"Tony I'm not going to dance with you in front of all these people." You said.

"Why not? We used to dance in front of people all the time." He countered, remembering the brief stint of time where Maria Stark had signed her son up for competitive dance and he'd served as your dance partner.  

"We were kids." You argued, but you got to your feet anyway. Tony's friends were either asleep or so drunk they wouldn't remember this happening anyway.  

"That's a spirit." Tony grinned. "Still remember how to Lindy Hop?"

"Are you seriously asking me if I still remember swing dancing steps from when I was nine?" You couldn’t help but belt out a laugh.  

"Okay, salsa then?" You shook your head at this suggestion too. "Well lucky for you, I have an incredible memory and I remember all of them. C'mon hold on to me. I remember being a very good lead."

"You hated dancing!" You chucked, putting one hand on his shoulder. Before you could say anything else Tony was wheeling and whirling you around the room. You didn't remember him being this good of a dancer when you were kids, but he never had the patience to learn anything at that age. It seemed over the years Tony had learned a thing or two.  

"God, you have the greatest laugh." Tony noted. He said it so seriously. The same as he would a scientific theory. He sounded so confident you almost believed him. "I've always loved your laugh, don't think I've ever told you before."  

"You're just drunk, but thank you." You reached up and kissed him on the cheek.

"No, seriously. You're amazing!" Tony stopped dancing. He placed one hand on either shoulder. "Even growing up you just had this...this...aura about you! I think I love you."  

"No you don’t, Tony.” You shook off his grasp. "And that's not funny. You can't joke about things like that."  

"I'm not joking, [Y/N]." Again he sounded so serious you almost believed him. "Every time I go home for a visit, I think about how miserable I'll be. Being around Howard, the people from the company...but then I remember that I'll get to see you and it makes all the rest of it bearable somehow. And when it's time to come back here, to school? At first I'm excited. I remember how great it is to live independently. To do the things that I want to do. But the person I want to do those things with, the person I want to share my life with most? You're not here." Tony raked his hands through his hair. He hadn't meant for things to spill out like this, but it was too late. There was no stopping it now.

"And you? You show up here, and its like...I'm a kid on Christmas morning. I feel complete when I'm around you. I can’t wait to show you around and to show you off to my friends. Then I turn around and you're making eye contact with someone off in a corner or your dancing with one of the idiots in my Chem class. Idiots who could barely tell you the chemical formula for water. I look at you and I see the world. You look at me? And what do you see?"  

"I-I...Tony I don’t...." You shrugged to find the right words. Truthfully, you’d never thought of him as anything other than your best friend and it shocked you that he'd seen things so differently.

"Right." Tony nodded, his facial expression solemn. "So it's just me then? I understand. It's not like I was expecting you to say it back." He shrugged. "Except that I guess I kind of was. I don't know. It's....it's been you and me in my head for so long that I can't believe I actually started to think that for one second you could see me as someone other than the guy who always has to bail you out. It's not fair to expect me to always take care of you, [Y/N]."

"Tony, you're taking this a little too hard." You said quietly.  

"No, you're right." Tony nodded. He was visibly angry now as he crossed his arms over his chest. "This shouldn’t be such a surprise to me. You said it on the first day, when you turned sixteen. I'll never forget it. I was sitting on my parent's steps. It would never work."

"That's not fair!" You exclaimed. "That's completely out of context! I can't believe you! I haven't seen you in what four, five months? And it was eight before that. You can't just spring something like this on me Tony! It's not how you treat someone."  

"Yeah well, if you don't like it, you know where the door is." He shrugged.  

"I can't believe you just said that!" You huffed. "I don’t have to stay here and be yelled at! I get enough of that at home. You are the most selfish, arrogant, standoffish...it's no wonder Howard thinks your such a disappointment!" You knew you should have stopped then and there. Tony's wounds with his father went so much deeper than he'd ever said out loud and you'd always known that. But you were angry and you'd both said things you didn't mean that night. You couldn't stop yourself.  

"Look at this place Tony!" You gestured around the room wildly. "You're a billionaire who ignores his legacy to live in this dump. Your main source of income comes from hosting underage parties and you think you can have anything you want because you think you deserve it! Ha!" You chuckled dryly. "Well I hope you truly get what you deserve someday Mr. Stark! Have a nice life."  

[pegasus-ghost]

It's finally 2020.

I am officially 30, and it's finally 1st January 2020.

And how about a summary of a whole decade? 2009-2019? From when I was 20 to 30?

2009 : Age 20

I was still studying. I kept shit to myself. Played stupid games on computers. Studied English major which was also stupid. Didn't socialize with anyone and didn't talk to my housemates. I don't even know their names. Had a small group of friends. 5 people. More like there were 3 of us initially but another 2 started being close with us after a group project.

Dated i think. Went on blind dates. Horrible.

2010 : Age 21

Still in University. Nothing changed. I think this was when I was involved with theaters called the Pearl. Only did props but I think I barely contributed shit.

I think this was also when I actively went for a driving license test near my university and training after failing for 2 times (after spending so much money!) at my hometown. I fucking passed, and I remember being so fucking happy and relieved! I barely passed tho, I think the officer liked me because I asked him about his sunglasses.

Oh and.... I remember I was heavily involved with Kim from my dark times, by being a person called chipsmore. Eduardo. Let's not talk about that.

2011 : Age 22

Went for my internship as an English teacher at a vocational high school. Was also a warden for the boys dormitory there. Had memories in checking everyone's attendance, and do spot-check and found them hiding their radios and cellphones. So much memories. From students punching each other in my class, students not respecting me, me crying in class and after class because I was so fucking angry, and losing my voice (YES I LOST MY FULL VOICE) because I yelled too often, because the students were too noisy and not listening to me. Was also involved with English day, training kids with other teachers to present choir. I remembered our lecturer who was in charge of me and my colleagues for the internship is this military guy. Good looking but stern.

I also drove my dad's car during the internship and was the only person among my colleagues who has a car, which made me the target for the rest of my colleagues to use for grocery shopping and going out to eat. I remember feeling super fucking nervous because I just got a license and I don't have experience in driving yet so it was nerve racking to be forced to drive everywhere by my colleagues.

Was also involved in a fight between two other interns, one of it was my colleague and the other was an intern from another school. They talk shit about each other and somehow both of them trusted me to keep their secrets.

I had a crush with this other intern as well from another school because she looked like my ex. My colleagues found out and pushed me to talk to her. One day, my roommate (the intern from another school, and friends with my crush) left his phone while in the shower. I snuck in the texts and read them and I saw the texts from my crush scolding him not to associate her with me anymore because she doesn't like me. Man. Was crushed. But I brush it off.

Finished my fucking thesis too!! I was ridiculed and criticised so much when presenting my data and thesis to my lecturer while doing the internship and I was so fed up, I just need to get it over with. When the lecturer finally accepted my thesis, I got out of the office and yelled and danced happily!! You know that feeling when you're pumped with adrenaline, just feeling super pumped.

This was also the year where I got my first job as an English mentor for kids. God. What a fucking nightmare dealing with kids. I remembered having a serious headache from all the stress and shock on my first day. I hated the job. I hated kids. I fucking hated how they monitor classes with a camera. And I hated my colleagues too. There was an incident where they played secret santa and I left my gift in a drawer for this other guy. Which apparently was a big deal and they keep saying out loud enough so I can hear it, wondering 'who' was it who was rude enough to go inside someone's office and open people's drawers. The fuck. I didn't even steal anything. All I did was leaving the gift in the drawer as a surprise.

I also dragged Kim, yes the guy from my dark times, (he doesn't know I was also Eduardo) as my housemate back then. It was fine at first, but I got super mad when I found out he brought back a girl home and fuck her on the first date, on the bed I let him borrow. I scolded him like HELL. He stopped talking with me afterwards. We had a cold war.

I remember feeling super stressed in that house too. Homesick constantly that I cried alone in my room. I always don't have enough money to support myself, pay rent and my dad's car. I always have to borrow money from my mom. I tried asking my boss at the time if there's possibility of salary increase in the future but unfortunately not. I resigned and gave 1 months notice. But the stupid hoe kick me out right then and there, told me my last day was that day itself and I need to pack up. It was horrible.

2012 : Age 23

With the help of my uncle, I got a job as a project secretary. He had his own computer supplier company and I was involved in this project where the company supplies computers to the national post offices through the entire country. The project was terrible. I witnessed how dark the corporate world is, where people lobby, bribe, pay money to win projects from the government. Pay prostitutes. Alcohols. Night clubs, just to satisfy the client so that they could win that project. I remember the client was a super fat fuck too, and my project manager was a bitch. She forced me and another colleague to fake our signatures on papers, to indicate that 'as in' the post office has received the computers we supplied, when the fact is it's all fake documents. I told my family about this and my dad was furious because it could get me to jail, because these documents will be audited. He went to my office to meet my workaholic bitch boss personally. After that, everyone alienated me and stopped talking to me. I decided to quit only after a month working there.

Then comes my dark ages. I was jobless from February - October, I think. 9 fucking months of doing nothing. I didn't wanna do anything except eat and sleep and play games. I think I was depressed. Felt like a loser. My family didn't interrupt. They let me be. But this was also when I started going back to my, let's call it, dark times. I met someone online again. And I fell head over heels over this person. I never obsessively loved anyone in my entire life, drunk with love, than with this person. But too much love was destructive. The person withdrew from me from being suffocated and it ended there.

In November, I don't know what happened but I started picking up the pace and looked for jobs again. I found a job and nailed the interview because I told them my experience of quitting my job when I found out the company faked documents for a project. They loved my honesty and they're looking for an honest person to manage their distributor center since there's cash involved. A lovely couple.

But! This was also a weird experience. I didnt realize it at first. The husband kept doing all this motivational talks and I helped of course with the operation. He kept talking about getting rich and being part of his organization and having dreams. He sells this product to people and ask them to join his organization as a member and buy more products. I never liked how the operation was. It was too cheesy and how you gain success and money is to force people to sign up and buy your products monthly and recruit more and more members. Don't get me wrong, the couple were sweet and honest. But I didn't like what they were doing.

2013 : Age 24

Shit just got worse for the job. Well not like BAD bad. But before that, I'll fill you on something else.

I started opening up and dating again. Can't remember how we met, I think it was online. First of all I dated this girl who worked at a hotel. I was super impressed with her success because she told me she manages 2 hotels and she's aggressive when it comes to career. But she was an asshole. Seriously. I didn't see it back then because I was blinded by love but she never loved me. When I pick her up, she asked me to pick her up at someplace further away from the restaurant she was at, because she was too embarrassed to have her friends there see her with me. Then she kept a guys photo, I started to think she lied to me about being single and that she actually has another boyfriend. She called me honey but one day she accidentally called me by a different name. She even use a photo of her with another guy as a profile picture, and she said it was her ex. Other than that, she was the first human that forced me into physical sex. And I did it because I loved her. What an idiot. She forced me to do anal. And forced me to satisfy her. But she never satisfied me. Even forced me to lick her pussy till she cums. Felt used tho.

After that, I dated this other girl. A childish one. Said she was single. But never once did she use her money to treat me when dating. She was a slobbery person when kissing, she drools A LOT. I remember feeling icky whenever we french kissed because of how much drool she had in my mouth. She was also the one who forced me into having sex too. More like oral. But instead of satisfying her, she was the one who gave me blowjobs and made me cum a few times, at least that was nice. But then drama happened. Her ex bf came looking for me and asked to meet. Then begged me to leave her because he still loves her. I found out from the ex bf that she was abusive and using him for money, and it didn't help that he was an orphan with no money. I kept telling him to ditch this girl, but he refused. I broke up with her after that and found out that the two got back together. And even married now! Like what an idiot.

Okay so back to my job. So later on, the couple told me that they have to shut down the center in July, which means I won't have a job. The problem was that their competitor bought so many products by bulk and them sell it off to supermarkets at a cheap price that it hurts their business, because people stop buying their products and joining their organization because they could get a cheaper price at a supermarket. So the couple decide to quit and join a competitor market instead. A market they have been telling people NOT to buy all these time. I was fine with it. But then only I realised that... Well.. IT WAS ACTUALLY AN MLM COMPANY I HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR ALL ALONG.

I was... An absolute idiot. So naive.

So after that, I was jobless again for 3 months. In October, I nailed an interview to become a call center agent for an international bank just because I told the interviewer that my hobby is to sew things. She was impressed because I could sew things and I have a unique hobby.

I remember thinking, hey I'll just work there for a while and it would be so cool because I get access to all these customer data for banking and ther s security cameras everywhere that I have to watch for.

But it was good. This job is the first job that got me a really stable finance and good career prospect.

2014 : Age 25

Still worked as a call center agent. But I was promoted to premier executive, helping VIP customers instead. It was challenging, dealing with heck of a lot of money, helping them with time deposits, their loans, credit cards. My English got better here, despite hating the job that needs me to talk constantly.

Here is where I know this loudmouth guy who was seriously two faced. He was an extrovert and basically forced me into a friendship with him at first we were close. But the sooner I get to know him, the more I don't like him. He could be so nice and friendly to you and talk the ugliest shit about you behind your back the second you turn your back on him. So ugly. He also dates like tons of girls behind his steady girlfriends back. Even had oral sex and shit with these girls. Bragged to me about how rich these girls are and how all of them are crazy over him. He was also dating this one girl from our department this one time, while cheating on his gf of course, and I drove them to a park and fell asleep at night in the car while the two of them were at the back. After we got home, he told me he had a blowjob from her at the back seat of my car while I was asleep. What??

Then this guy started moving to sales team, and I stopped talking with him afterwards. I think he got the point too and stop talking to me. I never had anymore friends after that because I was more comfortable being alone.

2015 : Age 26

This was the year when I bought my first car that still use to this day, thanks to Liam for forcing me. My blue car I call Zeff. I didn't think a car was a good idea because it would hurt my finance and I didn't need a car because I travel by bus to work. But he forced me, telling me that I need this because when else do I have a car then? Said that I'm getting older and I need like... A car? But I fell for it because the car colour was nice.

Work wise, not much happened. I remember stepping out of my comfort zone and woke a Pikachu hoodie, feeling extremely anxious that people will look at me funny. Turns out that they all liked it and started calling me Pikachu because of it. Was even known in the office because of the Pikachu hoodie.

And then yes, dark times. I started gotten involved again with another guy, again, because he was depressed and I tried to help. ended up him falling hard for me. He was an orphan and went through so much shit. I even helped him get a job at my office. He didn't know I was a guy. I told him I work there but I don't wanna meet him. But I keep leaving gifts and stuff for him in his locker as a surprise. Sigh.

This was also the year I started dating my last ex. An asshole too. Long story short this girl just abandoned my needs. I don't even feel like we were a couple. It felt more like friends. We never even touch or kissed because she said she fucked her ex last time and she felt horrible and she doesn't want to do it again. She was only a part time lecturer, had not much money. No car. But loved the hell out of computers. I tried to show interest in computers and learn from her but I just couldn't. Because it's notu thing. Always have to travel to her constantly and she lives super far away, like in a different state. Not much memorable things with her apart from feeling that I hated how 'casual' this all feels with her.

Also, she once showed me that she kept a box filled with lovey dovey memories between her and her ex. I remembered crying like crazy in the car in front of her because I was so angry and upset to find out that she did INDEED had this 'soft' side of her which I believe wanted so badly. She still had no mercy. She was cold and told me that unfortunately she has grown cold since then. Fuck off with that bitch.

2016 : Age 27

This was the year when I joined night shift and LOVED it. Night shift for a call center was heaven. Not much falls. We could even sleep sometimes. Not busy like in the morning. I ended up finishing so many novels and books because I had so much free time at work to read than do my job. I remembered reading TONS of books during night shift.

Was also dating the bitch still. Yes was also dating the 'guy' still too.

This was also when I resigned. I resigned in November and my night shift colleagues were so nice to me. I joined another company because my extroverted 'ex-friend' reached out to me about this opportunity to become a recruiter. I thought it was an interesting job prospect. Went for the interview and didn't even do my best. I did what I could. Ended up getting the job

Which led me to make another big change in my life.

The work is in the city, and I start the new job in December. So end of November, me and my brother scouted around for a rent house and we found one. We went through the moving process and shit. All the way in the city.

December, I started the new job. Fuck I was super surprised how this new job ended up like. I became a recruiter, contacting candidates from USA for job opportunities. My first team handled a giant chemical company as a client. It was super hard and there wasn't that much training. The training and introduction was fucked up and bad. Not to mention that the whole fucking operation were like sales. It's all based on numbers. How many candidates you contacted? How many resumes reviewed? How many people applied for the job? If your number is low, you get scolded. Just like in sales. You know how much I HATE talking to people. I fucking hate talking, and now I have to sell jobs? It's a sales job! And my ex friend was not honest with me about what the whole job was like. All he wanted was the referral money once he got me in. I remember crying every single day in my first and second month because I was super stressed, feeling incapable of shit and promised myself I'm gonna quit and find another job.

Also, in December, I remember that it was my birthday and I bought a ticket for a midnight show, only to find out that it was actually for 12pm the next day, not 12am. I felt so bad because it means she had to stay a night in the city. I asked her to sleep in my house and sleep on the couch but she refused and insisted she stayed at a cyber cafe. Then she asked me if we can kiss. That was weird. So I did. But I tried french kissing which she didn't appreciate. But nonetheless she was happy af that she got a kiss from me. But me? I didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't even love her. She wanted one so I gave one. That's all.

2017 : Age 28

In January, I got my bitch ex recruited in my company because I pitied her that she lost her job. She finally got that job and started in january. But shit went down. I thought when we are working in the same company, it means we will be closer. But no. Turns out she felt suffocated that I need to see her and go out with her every single day to the point that she stop talking with me and ignored me the entire week. In February, Valentine's day, I went and find her at her flat house. I was surprised to find that she had a guy as housemates when she refused to sleep in my house a month back with an excuse that it's not proper for a guy and girl to sleep in one house. I confronted her with this and I gave her the option whether we fix this or break up, because I don't wanna waste my time if she keep acting this way. She proceed with break up. Then I told her "you know what? I never loved you anyway".

Oooooh apparently that fucked her up SOOO bad.

Because she kept grudges with me untill now, because apparently she had genuinely loved me? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

for that entire fucking year, she was still working with the company I was in and I had to bear living the rest of my year ignoring the fucker.

Okay there's that. That's the last ex.

Work? Actually I got better at my job for some reason. I joined another team who makes phone interviews for candidates for a call center job. It was literally DOZENS Of them and I worked so fucking hard calling and calling, it felt like a call center job again. But on a positive note, my teammate was this one girl who just got out of a break up. She was mentally unstable and told me her story. And I had to cover most of her work because of her long break recovering from her tooth surgery as well as breaking down in the toilet, crying because of the break up.

She appreciated me so much and felt like she could never repay me for sticking my neck out for her, covering her ass for the client and team that she even contacted me to this day, thinking of me as a good friend.

2018 : Age 29

Hallelujah! In January, my fucking ex resigned. Lol. Joined another company.

I don't think I have much happening this year apart from going to work and back home. My work gets better. This year is when I join a new team, managing a client who recruits aviation engineers. It was great. Great team mates too.

However I started applying other jobs too I think by this year. And someone from an IT company found me. My new boss/colleague now. Best person I've ever known. Called me for an interview and believe it or not, he was the first person I've seen who actually looked through my certificates in my files during the interview. At first the job was for a recruiter position. IT recruitment. I don't have experience in IT at all but I gave it a shot anyways. To my surprise, he told me that actually he has another job for me. An HR admin. He was worried that I wouldn't like it. But WHAT THE FUCK NO I LOVE THAT JOB!

I have been searching for YEARS for a job that doesn't require me to talk to people AND pay good money. All admin jobs paid like shit. And you need experience for those too. I didn't have jack shit.

And this guy, he offered me the job of my dreams, which pays a higher salary. OF COURSE I WOULD TAKE IT! plus it's right next to the train station which was super fucking convenient. I quit my recruiter job in December and joined the new company next year.

I was later told by him that the reason he chose me was not because of my experience, but I spoke good English and my certificate shows that I'm not the kind who would take medical leaves often lol.

Oh

I still date the depressed guy. As a new 'person'. I fucking hate myself I can't get out of this habit.

2019 : Age 30

Okay so here is what happened in 2019. A good fucking year I tell you.

Got a new job in January, a dream job where I no longer need to speak to people. But deal with HR admin stuff.

Didn't date anyone. Single as fuck.

Moved out of my rent house. Bought my first home with the help of my dad and Liam.

Discovered my love in RDR2 and got back into video games. Bought PS4 and PS3.

Got involved in a financial investment.

More financially stable.

By end of 2019, my house is finally fully furnished. Liam said he likes how I decorate my house as it looks modern style. Thanks bro.

My role changed in July, an even better role where I manage HR operating system. Still needs to work on it and have more training but I'm getting there, and getting the hang of it.

No friends. Didn't make any. Fine with being alone.

Gained more weight tho.

I don't think I travelled anywhere this year. Too much money spent on the house and maintenance.

My brother moved in with me again and agreed to pay 300 per month maintenance for the house.

Started experimenting with different looks when going out.

Changed my perception in religion.

[bmalegal]

My Asian Roommate Stole My Handjob!

Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go.

Hammertime:

Last year, I did a Junior-year exchange to a California school from college in Britain. It was my 21st birthday. We had a date party that night, and I invited a girl from our sister sorority, who I’d really liked when we’d had an event together, but drunkenly hooked up with her friend instead (oops). Regardless, she said yes, and since it’s a date party and my 21st, I figure I have it in the bag.

We’re flirting and making out the whole time, and she doesn’t want to go back to her sorority, so we stumble to my dorm room, both blackout drunk.

At that point, I lived in a 6 guy suite, three guys apiece in two bedrooms, with a shared living room. My roommates were all freshmen and sophomores, and all more studious than I was, and all in bed already that night. I don’t care that my roommates are asleep, drunk as I am, so we just climb into my bed (I have the only top bunk in the room, so I guess that makes it almost defensible). Bottom line is, we start fooling around, and then I simply pass out before anything good happens. So I managed to cockblock myself by drinking too much, which is not in itself that interesting or improbable.

The next morning I wake up surprisingly early, still a little drunk, and no sign of my date. I think this is a bit weird, but assume she left after I passed out. I hang out in the living room of our suite with the one roommate of mine I consistently talk to, and suddenly my date appears – from the other bedroom of our suite, not mine. I’m confused, but she needs to leave quickly and I lend her some clothes to ease her walk of shame (stride of pride?). One of my very studious Asian roommates then walks out of the same room, with a strange grin on his face, so I ask him what’s going on.

It turns out what happened that she woke up in the middle of the night, went to the bathroom, and climbed back into what she thought was my bed – IN THE NEXT ROOM OVER. My roommate, completely surprised and sober, didn’t object strongly enough to stop her (why would he?) and definitely didn’t complain when she gave him a drunken handjob (I presume she thought it was me?). Anyway, my studious Asian roommate, who never partied and who I had about 3 real conversations with, ended up getting more action on my 21st than I did.

Well played, Data.

Dave:

It was the summer of 2004 after my freshman year in college. A group of us decided to take the train into Chi-town to go to the Taste of Chicago. This group happened to include my ex-girlfriend from high school, who I definitely still wanted to hook up with whenever I had the chance. Obviously the only reason anyone would go to the hot, sweaty, overcrowded disaster that is the Taste when you’re under 21 is to get loaded, and we were no exception.

After ripping unhealthy amounts of vodka, I was putting on what I thought were decent moves on my ex. As the night progressed, the vodka took over and I felt like I was doing pretty good. And as it turned out, I must have said something right because somehow I convinced her to let me drive her home from the train station when we got back (mind you it’s about 1am and I can barely see straight). All is well as we decide to park on a side street by her house as we always used to do back in the day, and I figure I’m a shoe-in to rekindle the sex flame. After what seems like hours of coercing, I finally get her in the back of my Explorer and clothes are starting to come off.

Right as the action reaches an R rating, a bright light starts shining through my back window…cops. We dive into the front seats when the officer comes to the window. He doesn’t say anything, just points forward in front of my car. I was parked at a stop sign. Apparently the neighbors called the police reporting a suspicious vehicle, and I can’t say that I blame them. I reeked of alcohol, was slurring my words and was pretty embarrassed that I could be so stupid. But not as embarrassed as I felt when the cops (instead of giving me a DUI) called both of my parents to come pick our drunk asses up and drive us home at about 3am. Moral of the story: don’t park at stop signs. Oh yeah, and don’t drink and drive…especially in your dad’s car. Needless to say I never hooked up with her again.

Ouch. I’d almost rather be arrested. But not really.

Ray:

I’m 40 now. This happened when I was 18. This mess happened at a family Halloween party given by my aunt and uncle . Lots of family, aunts, uncles, parents and kids are there. My cousin, intros me to his "friend". He tells me that he is totally into her but I get the sense that she just doesn’t dig him in the way he wants since she keeps staring at me.

My cousin is the type of dude that has no game and gets no girl attention at all. On this night, he is ga-ga over this girl. Her costume consists of some sort of mechanic’s baggy overall-one-piece-suit. I can’t tell what her body looks like. The drinks start flowing and this chick starts pounding the Jungle Juice (every kind of booze you can grab mixed with red punch).

My cousin is all over this chick and he is getting nowhere, poor fucking guy. We’re all pretty twisted so when my cousin leaves her side to go dance with his mom (my aunt), she comes over to me, grabs my hand and leads me to the side of the house. I’m hoping nobody has caught on to this chick’s underhanded move.

Next thing you know, we are making out in bushes, in some cold dirt. I unzip her mechanic’s baggy overall-one-piece-suit to reveal the best rack I have ever put my face between. Amazing. These are the kind of tits you think of and get a hard-on in church. Within two minutes, I have her panties off, fingering her, my cock out and my face in her tits when my fucking aunt, mother of my cousin, catches us in the bushes. OH FUCK…….

As I’m ready to stick it in, my aunt starts kicking me and yelling at the both of us. The girl zips up her tits and pussy and she’s gone, running down the street.

As my aunt is yelling at me, she is fucking staring at my whipped out hard-on. My cousin hears the ruckus, comes over and starts punching me. Family comes over to break us up. The girl’s friend finds her down the street, throws her drunk ass in the car, they’re gone in seconds.

My late grandfather who is also at this family party comes over and sits me and my cousin down and tells us, in his words, "Don’t fight over pussy." I miss him.

Years later I ran into this chick at a Raider game with some dude, not my cousin. My cousin still hates me.

I bet he does.

Larry:

I went out drinking at a Russian-themed vodka bar last Saturday in my semi-large Southern college town. This is a place with a lot of techno and a lot of strobe lights where you either have to be on ecstasy or blitzed out of your mind to have a good time. Cheap well vodka and two-dollar Schlitzes made me a member of the latter group. I strike up a conversation with a cute blonde, Paula, who is standing at the bar by herself. I buy her a drink and things seem to be going well so I ask her to dance.

Paula REALLY liked dancing, so much so that I had to concentrate to keep up. We do our thing for a while then go back to the bar, where Paula introduces me to her friend Bitsy. I instantly recognize Bitsy as a card-carrying Cockblocker, because she keeps insisting to Paula that they should leave. I’ve seen this happen too many times, so I get them both multiple shots to buy time because I know Paula is in to me. Luckily, an angel sent from heaven in the form of a black guy who looked EXACTLY like Damian Marley asks Bitsy to dance. I grab Paula, go back on the dance floor and do enough to seal the invite back to her place.

Paula, Bitsy, Damian and I head back to the girls’ apartment, which is located in a sketchy part of town in between the bars and the college. Having already avoided one potential cockblock, I am instantly confronted with another. The girls’ cunt terrier has COMPLETELY trashed their apartment. I spend the next ten minutes picking up trash in their living room while Damian goes on and on about his reggae band and Paula yells at someone on the phone. I finish the clean up, get Paula off the phone, take her to her room (finally), where things proceed to get hot and heavy. We’re fully naked, third base rounded, when I hear a LOUD knock at the door. My drunk mind is praying it’s Damian who got kicked out and is trying to get back in. Thirty seconds later, her phone rings. Her boyfriend is calling and is at the front door. Of course he is.

She starts crying and runs to the front door while I find my clothes and prepare for the worst. As I exit her room, her boyfriend charges at me with a full head of steam. I go into fight or flight mode and end up wrestling him to the ground and getting enough punches in for him to stay there. I then proceed to sprint out of the apartment with a ripped shirt and "little Larry" at full attention passed a group of his friends standing outside, who then proceed to chase me. Luckily, my head start put me about a hundred yards ahead of them and I race into the nearby woods, where they lose me. After avoiding two potential cockblocks, I end my night spending a half hour in the woods at 4 am until a car full of dudes could pick me up.

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[katiesrunning]

Health Care Spotlight: Jamie

Today is primary day in Illinois! I hope you voted. 

That being said, I thought it would be a great day to post my next Health Care Spotlight as these are the days when it is important to remember what we are fighting for. 

This post was meant to be published in February. 

I’ll be honest. It was difficult to write. 

I feel as though what I have written below barely scratches the surface of what we went through during the couple of years when Jamie’s life changed forever. 

Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for the full version hitting book store shelves in 2019. Just kidding...or am I? 

If you hadn’t gathered, this month’s focus is my sister, Jamie.

 We are your typical siblings. 

Jamie is about a year and a half younger than I am. As such, we had a lot of the same friends and participated in a lot of the same activities until we started to make our own choices and develop our own personalities. At this point we chose and participated in completely different passtimes. 

Until that happened, we were often at each other throats. Once it did happen, we kept pretty separate from one another - spending time with our own friends. I participated in a lot of theatre in high school, while Jamie was a tri-athlete. As you might imagine, this led us to have very different friend groups.

But now, we talk almost daily. 

I often find that I wish I could explain to my step children what it is like to have a confidant who has literally experienced all the same things as you. While it is difficult to get along in elementary school when you’re fighting over the remote or some toy, one day a switch flips and you find yourself feeling nothing but grateful for this other grown-up who really understands. Those years spent apart in high school become trivial and all that really matters if that you have each other. Outside of my fiance, I am not sure there is anyone who knows me better than Jamie does. 

This is her story.

In early winter of 2014, I moved home from graduate school in Glasgow, Scotland. I was miserable. I had no money and no prospects. 

What I did have was an advanced degree in playwriting. 

In Champaign, Illinois in 2014, this got me a job serving tables. 

I was living at home with my parents, but would often go out after work until all hours of the morning, worrying my mother sick. This is a regular habit of those working in restaurants, by the way. I was just immersing myself in the culture. 

Maybe.

Anyway, Jamie was in her senior year of college. 

On one of these aforementioned nights, I arrived home around 2am to find all of the lights on in our house. 

I instantly knew something was wrong. 

If you knew my parents, you knew they were in bed almost every night by 8:30pm - if not earlier. 

I entered the house to find them rushing around and packing bags. 

I asked what was going on and found that Jamie was in the hospital in Naperville - a suburb of Chicago where we both went to college. She had had some kind of seizure while with her friends and they had taken called an ambulance for her and called my parents. 

My parents were getting ready to rush to her side. 

I was staying home with the dogs. 

To be fair, I also had to work in the morning. 

But, I was pretty upset to be left at home. Not to mention, I was pretty sure this was the kind of unplanned emergency for which you are allowed to call off of work. 

I barely slept through the night and could barely keep it together when I got to work the next morning. My manager sent me home within twenty minutes and told me they would get my shift covered for the evening. 

I headed straight to the car with every intention to drive up and see Jamie. 

But a thought struck me. I had barely slept and I didn’t want to drive alone. I reached for my phone and called Jamie’s best friend, Jess. 

For the record, and at this point in our lives, I would probably refer to Jess more as a family friend than as merely Jamie’s friend. We all knew and loved her. I knew she was who I should call. 

She didn’t answer on my first try, so I left a voicemail. She called back within half an hour. 

She still tells me it is the scariest phone call she has ever received. 

I believe her. The way I was feeling, I’m pretty sure I told her Jamie was in the hospital and that I was going to see her, but I’m not sure I elaborated beyond that. I was breathing heavily and crying. I’m sure she thought the worst.

As soon as she got her desk covered at work, we were on our way. I told her all that I knew, which wasn’t much. 

She is the funniest person I know and, as such, was the perfect person to ride up with me while I was in such a state. She kept the conversation light and unfocused so that neither of us had time to think about what was going on where Jamie was. 

 When we finally arrived in Naperville, we pieced together a story from my parents, from Jamie and from Jamie’s friends. 

Jamie had been together with her friends at some kind of party. She was and remains not a big drinker. She drank about half a beer around 4:30 and went up to bed early because she wasn’t feel all that well. 

She woke and felt like she needed to throw up in the middle of the night. Around this time, her friends heard a thump upstairs - Jamie had passed out on her way to the bathroom. They rushed up to make sure she was okay and found her posturing - which looks like a seizure but is somehow different. 

Jamie and her friends were all studying athletic training and physical therapy and they went straight into care mode when they found her on the ground. They asked her what she was feeling and supported her head so she didn’t hurt herself. 

One of her friends told me Jamie had screamed the words “I’m going to die” more than once. 

The thought of hearing such a thing come out of her mouth gives me chills to this day.

They asked her what she was seeing and whether she could see clearly. 

Jamie responded that her vision showed only blurred colors and unfocused shapes. 

Somewhere in there, while they were talking to her and keeping her conscious, the girls had called an ambulance and it arrived at the house. 

The ambulance took her to the ER, where everyone assumed she was a drunk college kid, because she was vomiting.

Eventually, she flat-lined, at which point it was clear that something else was wrong. 

She was admitted into the cardiac ICU where a cardiologist told her she would likely need a pacemaker. 

Mere hours later, terror subsided for all of us when Jamie saw two electrophysiologists who apologized for the previous diagnosis, saying she was too young for a pacemaker and that the episodes were likely to be the result of an electrolyte imbalance. 

She was going to be okay. 

We were all euphoric.

We thanked Jamie’s friends that had been with her for taking care of her - getting her the help she needed. They may have saved her life that day. 

I often think that merely thanking these girls was not enough. But I was exhausted and could not think of anything better to say at the time.

It had been very scary - the thought that my, at the time, 22-year old sister, might need a pacemaker. Pacemakers are for old people, we all thought. A pacemaker would totally change her life. It didn’t make sense. Jamie was always so active.  

Despite the fact that Jamie had had one or two similar episodes in her life - one in high school and one while drinking (a result probably from throwing up and ridding her body of the electrolytes it needed), it seemed to us that all of this made sense. 

I recall our parents fridge being stocked to the brim with gatorade that summer. 

Fast-forward a few months to Jamie’s move to Virginia for graduate school. 

She was at work for her graduate assistant-ship trying to lance a blister on an athlete and found she felt light-headed. As soon as she handed the scalpel to a colleague, she passed out. When she came to, she felt nauseous. She told her boss to call her roommates since she was familiar with the sensation of what was happening. When her roommates arrived, they determined that Jamie needed to go to a hospital. They called our mom and then an ambulance.

In the ambulance, she had several more unconscious episodes. She flat-lined several times and even needed chest compressions.

When she arrived, the cardiologist sent her to the heart hospital in Norfolk where an electrophysiologist told her she didn’t have an option and that they were putting in a pacemaker ASAP.

The episodes that Jamie was experiencing, we know now, are due to third degree heart block - that is to say, the electrical signal in her heart wasn’t making its way from the atria to the ventricles so the ventricles weren’t contracting. The pacemaker serves to make sure that her heart rate does not get too high or too low. 

“The pacemaker interrogations,” she said, “determine what the thresholds are. They take my heart rate as low as they can until my heart drops a particular part of a normal heart wave, so they set that threshold just before it drops.”

And, we were right before, when we assumed that having a pacemaker would change her life. 

To be fair, she states that, most days, she “doesn’t even remember she has it.”  

In the meantime, she attends a regular yearly visit with her electrophysiologist, where they charge roughly $197 for an office visit and ECG. With her previous insurance, she paid $24.41 out of pocket for this appointment. 

She also attends a yearly visit at the pacemaker clinic to have the device interrogated. This visit costs roughly $549. She pays $151 out of pocket. 

In addition to these in-office visits, Jamie’s device is read remotely every three months, billing insurance $68. She has paid anywhere from $7.69 to $51.24 out of pocket. 

When the original diagnosis and surgery happened, Jamie was lucky enough to still be on our parents insurance. And she states that the costs have all been very confusing because “I haven’t gotten bills for using strictly my insurance for some of these services.”

However, she is lucky enough to have insurance coverage through her job. It costs her roughly $52.17 per pay period (every two weeks) and her rates don’t change as long as she can pass a regular HRA. 

Today, we are three and a half years out from the pacemaker surgery. Her regular check-ups have determined that she is now using the pacemaker 48% of the time, meaning that the battery in the machine she has now will likely last her another roughly 9 years before she will need to have it replaced.

Jamie is, and remains, the most important reason I have become interested in the affordability of health care. She is very lucky to be covered through her employer, but in the first months of the Trump presidency, my mom and I were constantly worried that her pre-existing condition was going to get her kicked off of that plan. 

Imagine needing a machine to keep your heart beat regular. 

Imagine having to pay full price for your required appointments because insurance companies won’t cover your pre-existing condition.

Imagine if you didn’t have the money to care for the machine keeping you alive and well. 

It is literally the choice between living and dying. 

No one deserves to have to make that choice.

This is my sister, Jamie.

This is why I run. This is what we are fighting for. 

Don’t forget to donate if you haven’t already.

If you aren’t familiar with my campaign, in short, I am running 2018 miles this year and collecting funds for Planned Parenthood along the way. You can follow me here on tumblr or Instagram. 

We all deserve affordable care. The link to the gofundme is located below:

https://www.gofundme.com/katie-runs-2018

[djrelentless]

“Breaking Dad”

(a Father's Day greeting to a father who wasn't there)

June 15, 2014 at 7:41am

Last year this time I had just learned that my father had died in 2005 of AIDS. It was a bittersweet moment. For years I had dreamed of seeing his face as I told him of all the things that his faggot-ass son had accomplished. All the things I had done without him. All the places I had seen that he would never see. But I would never get that chance.

That first conversation with my step-mother was really hard to wrap my head around. I spent so many years angry at my father and now it was over.

About 3 days ago, I reconnected with an old roommate and friend. It was so good to hear from her after all these years. She told me that she had wondered what had happened to me and would go by my father’s home to ask had he heard from me. He told her that he did not have a son. I don’t know why, but that really hurt to hear her say that. Probably because I could hear him saying it. Probably with a few beers under his belt.....and still bitter after our confrontation on Thanksgiving of 1991.

Sad to think that a part of me still wants his approval and acceptance......even after all these years. Even after the knowledge of his death.

Suddenly I am seven years old again. I am at my mother’s mother’s house. It’s my birthday. I had spoken to him two days before and he said he would stop by to see me on my birthday. I remember being so happy to think that my dad was gonna spend some time with me. All I ever wanted was for him or my mother to be with me since I spent most of my time being shuffled between my grandmother and my great grandmother’s house.

I remember I woke up early that day. I picked out my best clothes. I ate my breakfast in a hurry. I figured my dad would have been there by noon so we could spend the day together. The morning hours moved really slow, but by noon I had decided to wait on the front porch. I watched every car that went past 40th Street and 32nd Ave. There was a generic gas station diagnally across the busy highway.

By 3 PM, my grandmother started trying to convince me to come in and open my present. She had baked my favorite......chocolate on chocolate cake. But I wasn’t havin’ it! I didn’t want to do anything until my father got there.

Funny thing about being a kid......the strength of your hope is boundless. I was not giving up because I really believed that my dad was just running late or was stuck at work. But he was still coming to see me.

By 6 PM , my grandmother made me come in for dinner. I could barely eat for trying to listen for a car door in the driveway. But there was no car sounds outside at all. I remember beginning to feel doubt. I reluctantly opened my gift from grandma. It was the game of LIFE. What an ironic gift! I had asked for it because I had seen the commercial and I dreamed that would play it with a brother and perhaps my father. My grandmother offered to play the game with me, but I didn’t realize it until years later....my grandmother didn’t read well. I don’t think she made it out of elementary school. She was a very smart businesswoman. She definitely knew how to manage her money, but I remember her getting frustrated because she couldn’t understand what teh directions were for the board game. I think she thought by playing the game with me that she could take my mind off of the promise that my dad had made.

Unable to play the game with me, I quickly drew my attention to the porch again. we still had about and hour of daylight. There was a chance that he would still show up. So, I returned to the rocking chair and began counting cars again. As the sun began to set in the Tampa summer sky and the mosquitoes were feasting on me, my grandmother told me to come inside. I protested and she ordered me in. Tears began to fall and my grandma held me as I accepted defeat. Lied to once again.

Now I am 13 and I have gone to live with my father and his new wife after my mother had been arrested again on drug charges. There were already 2 kids and one on the way when my half brother, Zuberi and I went to live with them. Often my dad would come home drunk and very abusive. I was awkened one night as he had cornered my step-mother in the kitchen of this tiny two bedroom apartment. I jumped up and got in the way before he could hit her again. He immediately punched me in the stomach. Knocked the wind right out of me.

“So, you think you a man now, huh?” he taunted.

When I caught my breath, something made me be a smart ass and I began singing “We Shall Overcome”. He was not amused.

My next thought is of me at the age of 14 and my father arranging for a “family friend” named Carol to show me what a man and woman do. Apparently, he and my uncle had slept with her on a regular basis. When you are a teenaged boy, sex isn’t a difficult task. Hell....if the wind blows the right way any boy would be sex ready. I remember Carol came out of the room and declared that there was nothing wrong with me and that I knew how to handle a woman. My dad smiled and said “I knew that you had it in ya!”

And now I am suddenly 16. I am packing my stuff at my Uncle Herb’s place. I lived there with my father. A noisy neighbor had spied on me as I kissed my boyfriend goodbye in his car as he dropped me off. Lousie was her name and she couldn’t wait until the next morning to casually stop by during breakfast to tell my father and Herb. My father lost his mind and started yelling at teh top of his lungs. He smoked. So, it wasn’t that loud. He said “As long as you live under this roof you are gonna have to keep that sissy shit away from here!”

I had decided to rent a room from a friend’s mother rather than spend another day in that apartment with my dad. Throughout my childhood I kept telling myself that one day I would be in control of my life and that was the only thing that kept me going. I figured after that statement, there was no time like the present.

“You’ll be back. You ain’t got no real job to take care of ya-self!” he said as I was dragging my last bag out of Herb’s place.

I made sure that he never knew of the time I spend homeless and slept in the bus station downtown while still attending High School and worked at The Tampa Tribune. He never knew of the days that I went hungry or only had tuna sald sandwiches to survive on. My pride would not let me. I was never going back to any place that he lived.

So, by the time we had gotten to that awful Thankgiving at his mother’s house, too many years of conflict and homophobia had passed. So, as he told me how I was ruining his name by being a faggot and how I was gonna die of AIDS if I kept on running around with those punks, I could not hold my tongue. I felt that I had to defend myself and get somethings off my chest.

I chose not to tell him that I had already contracted the virus. I was already living with HIV+ when he said those words to me. Instead I said....

“You got a lotta nerve! You ain’t got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of and you wanna tell me how to live my life! Fuck you! This punk makes good money and takes care of hisself. I don’t mooch off my brother!”

I thought he was gonna jump across the table and hit me. But he didn’t. He looked like I had murdered my grandmother. He was about to say something, but his mother told him to get out. She threw him and his girlfriend, Michelle out of her house. That was the last time I saw him.

In this past year of reconnecting with my family, I have learned a lot about the man who was my father. None of what I learned has med me like him in the least. But I do feel sorry for him. Whatever love he had inside of him, my mother killed that when she left me with him and ran off with her boyfriend. It must have been hell to realize that she had used him to get out of her mother’s house.

In fact, the only good memory I have of my father is the few times that I went to find him at his hang out bar on Nebraska Avenue and he invited me inside to show me how to play pool.

I can’t say “I love you, Dad.”

I can’t say that I looked up to you or that you were there for me. You weren’t.

But how could you have been? You weren’t even there for yourself. You never took care of you so that you could take care of the people who were depending on you.

And in some strange way, instead of hating you on this Father’s Day I just hope that you are finally happy and resting in peace. Lord knows.....you need it after the life you led.