#and one cannot allow it to speak over what real ppl are ACTUALLY SAYING to you

[muirmarie]

me: I am a grown adult and if ppl find me annoying despite my best efforts then we'll all just have to live with it tbh

also me, unfortunately: I talked too much and now everyone probably hates me and is just pretending not to =/

me: we CANNOT keep doing this for the rest of our lives, babe. that's just anxiety. swallow it down and move on.

also me:

[industrations]

will you ever draw masc sirius? not to compare artists but recently i've just noticed masc sirius pics get more notes and ppl get more pissed off bc of fem sirius. it's ok if you draw fem wolfstar (fem sirius AND fem remus) but it's kinda weird you only draw remus masc. kinda heteronormative. when wolf is gay. plus canonically sirius was masc and remus was fem (sirius was the biker and remus was short.) it's ok you're more into fanon but canon is real so i'm just curious if you will ever draw masc sirius. if you will it'll be very cool and i'm sure you'll get more notes too.

This is the LAST time I'm going to be talking about this because I'm so TIRED of this debate.

Firstly, the "canon" you speak of is written by this person. So think before you start arguing anything about canon.

Then, since apparently some of you still cannot read. I DO NOT DRAW FOR YOU; I DRAW FOR ME. I could not care less about notes or likes or popularity. I'm just here to have fun and enjoy my time. That you are so concerned about notes is your own problem, not mine, but I suggest you change that because notes do not equal any sort of value, and this mindset is just going to be bad for anyone's mental health.

My favourite thing as a person whose gender is literally all over the place is getting to express that through the characters I draw. For ME, this mainly happens through Sirius because his "canon" is this very HETERONORMATIVE man. The freedom of him being able to step away from that and to be allowed to be whatever he wants to be on that day is just wonderful. Sirius, for me, is a reminder that no matter what you're born as or whatever people say you should be, it does not say anything about how you feel or express yourself.

Remus will forever keep evolving for me. He's also allowed to be whoever he wants to be. When I read fics he looks different in every single one. And if you actually paid attention to my art, you can see that he does not always look the same. For me, Remus is a comfort. He will always be a long, wet noodle with bad knees to me. He will always have his scars and his freckles, and those are what make him beautiful. I'm not sure why people immediately assume this is something that makes him "the man" or "the top". If that's what you're thinking when you see them, then there's something gone wrong on your side because you are deciding what a queer relationship is supposed to look like, when in fact you are the one being homophobic and heteronormative.

Also that my Sirius is shorter and more gender-y so to say, does not mean he can't kill a bitch on sight. He could break Remus in half in a second if he wanted to.

Anyway, I'm off to draw some dead gay wizards in whatever way I want to <3 love you guys. Truly the majority of you make me feel safe and seen, and I couldn't have wished for a more supportive community

[lacunasbalustrade]

what are your general thoughts on queer(gay n trans n all) people? like you dont seem to be against gay ppl from what i can see but i also see that you've like never really openly said something pro or against trans ppl. sorry if its out of the blue im just curious esp seeing your pov as a religious person who has trans mutuals/follows n all bcuz i (unfortunately) know plenty of christians that know trans people but only tolerate them instead of accepting them (which usually means they misgender/deadname them)

hi! I'm happy to answer your question - it's a bit controversial, though, and a sensitive topic for everyone, so I do ask for your understanding if anything I say happens to offend you.

as a Christian, I believe in the stance the Bible puts forth: that BEING gay is not a life choice, it's an inclination that came forth due to the presence of sin in the world. the continuation, however, of this choice, is a sin.

To quote so no one thinks I'm speaking out of some random, bibically incorrect bigotry, Romans 1: 24 NIV "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another." ,Romans 1: 26 "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones." , Romans 1: 27 "In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error."

obviously my faith and beliefs should not be forced on unbelievers. I am not any holier than anyone else because I am straight. I am every bit as sinful because it's impossible to avoid committing sin.

so if I'm going to sum it up, it's best said as: none of my business because Who Am I to tell you how to live, right? you're my friends and 'preaching' isn't actually loving. the best form of loving others as a Christian is to accept them as a person before judging based on whatever life choices they've made or pronouns they call themselves. which brings me into the next part!

theologically, I have to admit I'M NOT VERY SURE about trans people. I genuinely cannot find many sources of literature on the topic. There are intersex people, there are people with gender dysphoria. The Bible doesn't talk much about those, enough to give any real objections anyway. To talk about my beliefs based off the context, if God made you as you are, you shouldn't be trying to change you...is the logic, but again, no reason to force biblical beliefs on unbelievers.

I do disapprove of the extent to which some trans people have taken this schtick. I've seen posts saying 'oh if kids can play soccer and do ballet which messes them up for life, they can also do trans surgeries!' I'm sorry. That just doesn't make sense. WHY would anyone want kids to have permission to do Very Risky Things when they are small enough to not know better or make informed choices? And I also know many posts say that 'common sense', kids aren't gonna do those things till they're old enough to feel like they need to do them....those posters need to remember the last time they regretted doing something as a child. Common sense can't be relied upon in my experience.

Plus, given the kidnapping laws in the U.S which basically allow children to be taken away from their parents if their parents disapprove...lol yeah now make a law where my child can be taken away from me if I'm not in the same fandom as them. It can be hurtful to receive dissent on your life choices, but that don't mean up and leaving is the solution, unless the living situation is physically dangerous in some way or you are an actual adult. Children are not trustworthy indicators of whether or not a parent is problematic. And I'm saying this having had problematic parents myself - sometimes we are part of the problem. And if it's difficult, you should still try not to give up on them.

This might be the most important part: I'm wondering whether the gender stereotypes placed on girls and boys are the markers trans people want to overcome. Because from what I've researched, there are two different camps. 1: people who admit that they are biologically whatever sex they were born, and just enjoy dressing like and passing for the other sex because it makes them more comfortable. 2: people who actually believe they are the other sex because they feel that way and they are only effectively realizing that change to their 'authentic' self by transitioning.

I don't believe in gender stereotyping. Like, girls wear skirts boys wear pants. Boys can't wear pink etc etc. So the concept of a trans woman thinking they are a woman because they enjoy the markers attached to being a woman, like, for example, having long hair and wearing skirts, makes me really uncomfortable. Because that's not the whole experience of being a woman. It's only a small part of it, and it's not universal at all. And while no one can claim that ALL woman have experienced a certain set of conditions that make them woman...the only standard for BEING a woman, in my book, is to be a biological one, because it's the only defining trait. When people think of girls, I don't want them to automatically think of girls with skirts and wearing pink. I want them to acknowledge that all girls are different, and the only thing that makes them girls is the gender marker, not their conformance to 'gender norms' that have arisen from societal conditioning.

The idea that someone's feelings can be 'authentically accurate' makes me feel even more....nah. Feelings are valid but if I trusted mine all the time, I'd definitely be all over the place.

To sum it up: no problems with the trans behavior because I'm not into forcing biblical perspectives on y'all. But I definitely have a problem with the idealogy and the legislature.

dead name, misgendering wise...I believe people should be called whatever they want to be called unless it makes the other person uncomfortable. In which case the other person should just stop interacting with them since they're so uncomfortable. (E.g you want me to call you Baby Chicken. For some reason I have a problem with it. Maybe I have a strong fear of chickens.)

Basically I respect your life choices. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk haha.

[neon-junkie]

unpopular opinion: Micah is terrible but he shows instances of having real, human emotions and completely erasing those moments to paint him as a 100% monster is a disservice for the fandom.

arrrrkajslkfjdsglk okay I'm gonna break Micah down and explain why I like him, just bc of everything going on and cause you've summed that up perfectly. Let's make one thing clear - I don't stan his actions, I never have, I never will. A lot of ppl seem to keep ignoring that lmfao. AND we all know that Micah is a fucking piece of shit. He's the devil. We know. Like the list goes on and on and on when it comes down to why Micah's garbage, but I guarantee you, there is NOBODY out there who actually *stans* him. He's a villain and damn good one. Now. Relating to what you've said, this man has just as much emotion as everybody else. I think the people who view him as an emotionless monster have either never seen ANY camp interactions with him, or they just choose to ignore them. For whatever reason. Idk. It is VERY obvious that Micah has 100% been abused by his father, probably physically as well as mentally and emotionally. He openly talks about the monster that his father is, and he KNOWS that he is just like his father. Now, Amos (his bro), on the other hand, has managed to break away from that lifestyle, straighten his ways, and settled down. Micah is so obviously jealous and even takes the time to write to his brother, probably to try and rekindle their sibling friendship or whatever you wanna call it. Amos basically goes 'NO' and slaps that idea right out of Micah's head, so I do feel bad that Micah was rejected. Amos makes it clear that he will only rekindle that if Micah changes, but he doubts Micah is able to change. So now his only 'role models' are gone - his father and Amos - Micah has nothing left to lose. He has no family, friends that encourage his chaos rather than help fix him, and no partner. He's a loose cannon, and without guidance, Micah will only continue to fire. That's why he sucks up to Dutch so much, because he STILL needs acceptance, praise, and guidance, and Dutch gives him all of that. Yeah, it's creepy to see, but that man must be dying inside if he'll literally lick Dutch's shoes just for a bit of acceptance. Micah clearly does try, like his approach to making friends is so cringe, but he's clearly never ever done this before, and he's only following the ways his father taught him. I mean, we see him still try to befriend Arthur at the start of the game, but Arthur barely looks at him and just continues to shoot him down. I know Arthur is probably following his gut, but people can't say that Micah didn't try. And we see him try it on with the women of the camp, he's clearly desperate to at least find a partner, and probably secretly jealous that his brother has that and a family. And if his brother can do it, then maybe he can too? and we do see him try. But Micah's no rapist, and it makes me cringe when ppl say that. There's a good post about it (here) that I won't go into detail, u can just read that for urself. So - Micah has nothing to lose. The camp doesn't want him there, so it's no sweat off his nose if he rats them out. Obviously, I don't agree with it and I think Micah should have just left, but then that'd be a very boring game lmfao.  There's nobody stopping him from causing chaos, and he's just going to continue to do what he was taught to do - be a fucking piece of shit. But to say he has no emotions? You sure about that? It's SO obvious that Micah still craves acceptance in any form, whether it's from a friend, a partner, his mentor, etc. He NEEDS acceptance and he seems very lost without it. And it's so clear that Micahs past trauma still controls his actions, and he clearly has no idea how to even begin accepting and moving past his trauma. That man just needs a therapist asap. Peter Blomquist said it himself, that Micah is essentially just misunderstood. (here) And well, if his own actors said that then why the hell do people continue to ignore it? Because they just want to hate Micah. They view him as an evil and racist piece of shit and just want to hate that, which everybody does cause yanno, it's bad. But they continue to ignore that Micah, like Bill, suffers from a lot of mental trauma and issues, and his past has resulted in the person that he is today. I’ll say this AGAIN, I’m not condoning his actions, far from it, I’ve said many times before that Micah is fucking garbage, we just find him interesting. Honestly, I think if the gang was accepting, or if Micah had someone to shove him in the right direction, then he would have redeemed himself and fixed his ways. Things like racism are taught, and if you can teach it, then you can unteach it, just like Bill begins to learn. Micah is a villain and that's why I like him. Again, I don't support or stan his actions, but it's just so refreshing to see someone so chaotic and loose. People saying that you shouldn't like Micah because he's racist, also choose to ignore the fact that Abigails abusive, so why do y'all still stan her when we see the way she speaks to John? or the way she physically abuses him? So abuse is fine but racism isn't? hmm.  But if we shouldn't like Micah because he's bad then why the hell do we like characters like Darth Vader or all the fucking Disney villains? Have you seen how much merch those criminals have? But a bunch of strangers on the internet having a wank over the ratman is bad? We're allowed to enjoy those but not Micah? big sigh. Peter also said that there's nothing wrong with liking Micah. You're allowed to enjoy villains, it's not a fucking crime, and it doesn't mean you support their actions, it never has done.

PLUS, this is a game full of mass murderers?!?! Arthur does a LOT that is considered questionable, such as beating a terminally ill man into his grave, but people choose to draw the line at Micah. You’re free to enjoy whatever fiction you want, but there’s no line you can draw. Well, you can draw a line for yourself, but you can’t rule what others can and cannot enjoy.

It's just SO tiring (personally) to constantly see happy endings and pure, wholesome, golden characters. I'm a sucker for bad guys and seeing them win, so when I played RDR I was like 'oh yeah, this is what I need' and that's probably why Micah's my fave lmao. It's so refreshing to see, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying it. Some people just enjoy villains, big whoop. We need to stop expecting characters to be pure cause that's just so unrealistic. Everybody has flaws of all different kinds, and that's what makes these characters human. Like, are we just choosing to ignore the fact that Arthur is the most wanted out of the gang, who has probably murdered the most people? Do we just wanna sweep his kill count under the rug and choose to hate Micah based on the one fact of him being racist? The whole fucking gang are outlaws, they're all essentially villains, even the babies like Kieran!! Micah is just as complex as every other character in this stinky game, and people who refuse to acknowledge his layers and just portray him as a monster are whack as shit. And remember, those who tell you what you can and can't enjoy are just as bad as Micah Bell himself. Especially the ones who abuse you over FICTION.

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

[autumn-foxfire]

I cant escape the idea that the people who are so vocally calling for villains to be heroes and for heroes to be punished and dismantled are basiclly coming into a candy store and asking to buy steak. Like i saw people before say that they dont like heroes because they are pig cops (or something similar implying they arent allowed or even feel guilty for liking them) n all of this really seemed to have caught fire during the start of what is happening in america.

And then people, for some reason i cannot imagine, turned to this japanese manga for teens and asked 'why arent you adressing the present issues in america?'

Like what

Im not american and while im not sayin killer cops are distinctly american problem i am saying its a problem very pronounced in america, more so than in some other countries. Like i dont know what the state of police is in japan but you can hardly count on it being the exact same as america and therefor for horikoshi to be informed and worry about this issue enough to include it in his manga for japanese teens. Like??? Im sure there are plenty of black american authors who have books out there that would be much more suited to fufiling that need then A Random Dude From Japan. I understand that during these time ppl will look for literature that will comfort and reafirm their view of the world and that will give them some kind of catarsis that they cant yet get in real life but....that aint gonna be a japanese manga.

Honestly this all just feels like that whole self centered american things combined with readers who throw a fit when a writer doesnt make their headcanons canon and im tired of it all. Fam its litteraly not that deep.

I understand wanting best for ur favs and i understand being upset over bad things happening to them but i feel there is a difference between that and reading the text completely wrong and then raging about it.

Like 'damn i love shiggy its so hard to watch him be brutalized, go you beautiful bastard destroy everything!' VS 'Shigaraki is a revolutionist that wants to bring a better society and deku and especially horikoshi himself personally are corrupted and bootlickers from trying to stop him'

One is rooting for ur fav n is perfectly fine n the other...i dont even know what to call it

PS: im really sorry you have to read through my spelling mistake plagued writing sgdfdf english is not my first and mobile doesnt mark up my typos but unlike desktop lets me rant without sending 50 individual messeges

Exactly!

There are tons of different types of media that probably tackle social issues like the ones currently being seen in America so I don’t know why the fandom is trying to demand a Japanese manga for teenage boys to adress them as well, honestly it comes across as very entitled.

This fandom is so frustrating too because they get upset when people try to point out that the heroes in BNHA aren’t the same as real life corrupt cops (and also don’t seem to get the hint that comparing them is actually pretty offensive as well) or say you’re a bootlicker for supporting your favourite characters and their choices, all because they happen to go against their favs.

They take supporting their favourite characters too a different and almost unhealthy level. By bringing in social issues and arguments of “fiction affects reality” (it does, just not in the way many in fandom seems to think it does), they then have to find ways to excuse their own favourites who can be pretty horrible characters (in the sense that they’re the bad guys, not that they’re bad characters). They’ve dug themselves into a hole and are now desperately trying to claw their way out by trying to throw people who support heroes into the pit.

Apparently the days where you can appreciate a villainous character for being a villain are gone. Which is annoying because Horikoshi went out of his way to show that while the League may have some points, their actions speak against them.

I wonder if these people are tired to be focused on social issues twenty-four/seven? It just sounds so draining to do, especially when I personally use BNHA for escapism.

(Also don’t worry about your spelling mistakes, I promise I probably didn’t notice them and even if I did, I probably have even worse spelling and mistakes so I don’t really care when I see them XD)

[normal-thoughts-official]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHDBpb/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCTwq/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHUxHb/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHDxww/

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https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCvo3/

She's hilarious but there's two videos where she starts to speak more mumblingly

ok first of all these are brilliant and i'm losing my mind and i love you, thank you for curating these to me.

i will transcribe them in a bit but i just felt the need to leave this "little" (it's long sorry) note:

as someone who's been raised catholic i just want to say that she is pretty wrong about almost everything she said about catholics, and i say that as someone who hates catholicism with my whole mind body and soul and who's been traumatized by this stupid fucking faith to the point where i can't get into a church without breaking into sobs dauihdasiuh. the catholic guilt is real but catholics are absolutely allowed to divorce and use contraceptives, and also have sex before marriage. the first one is met with some guilt esp from women altho honestly i think it's more due to mysoginist reasons than religious reasons, and the second and third ones are commonpractice and if you say that it's wrong and bad everyone will think you're a fucking weirdo

and even with the divorce thing, while the guilt is there (im pretty sure half the reason my mom doesn't divorce is because she would feel guilty about it, although again, i feel like that's got very little to do with religion and way more with internalized mysoginy), i cannot stress enough that divorce is allowed, almost everyone i know has divorced parents and they're all catholics. the church's official position is kinda weird (as of now pope francis basically said that it's "morally necessary" in some cases but he also referred to ppl who divorced and remarried as "imperfect", but like, it hasn't been forbidden for years, so much so that people get second marriages at catholic churches literally all the time, and i kinda feel like ppl overestimate how much ppl care about what the pope says. at least here in latam, cuz we've always kind of freestyled religion since it was imposed on us anyway, but like... in my experience the average catholic practitioner is INCREDIBLY less conservative than the vatican and i feel like most people don't even know what the pope says or doesn't say. and i'm saying that as someone whose grandfather almost became a priest and only gave that up because he fell in love with my grandmother, and he's been a ferverent catholic his entire life. also two of his kids divorced, one married a divorced woman, one is gay and living together without marriage with his divorced boyfriend, one never married, and one had two kids before marriage which necessarily means that they fucked, and none of that was ever a problem to him. oh, also, my dad had divorced AND he was a buddhist when him and my mom married. currently he is a spiritist)

i think it might be possible that u technically have to ask for "permission" to the church to remarry in church, but in practice i think it's more of a ritualistic thing than actually asking for permission, cuz i've never met a single person who had them say no. it was pretty much "hey local bishop guy so my husband sucked and we divorced can i marry again" "sure lol". obviously it sucks that you even have to ask, but it's nowhere near as strict as people seem to think

the contraceptive thing is also absurd. like i cannot stress enough that my family would absolutely flip if they found out i DIDN'T use contraception. that was always something that my family reinforced very strongly, ESPECIALLY my grandpa. i've never met a single catholic who does not teach their kids to use contraceptives. my high school was catholic (literally named the Holy Cross, fun times, although they didn't impose the faith or anything. in fact almost half of the students in that school are jewish, but like, still, there was a priest in the school board) and we were taught to use contraceptives, put the condom in a banana and the whole pizzazz during biology class

like yeah the bible says not to but it also says not to mix different fabrics and that doesn't mean it's actually a thing that's reinforced in most catholic communities doaihdaj at least not here in latam. in here non-catholic christians are actually way more hardcore about the puritanism rules than catholics are, particularly evangelicals, which are kind of overtaken the catholics' traditional role of being colonialist fuckers as they are mostly from the US so they come to further US imperialism through religion here. watch out catholic church they're coming for ur crown

and even outside of puritanism, "non practicing catholics" are absolutely a thing like ppl who are catholic but don't even pray or go to church, much less care about that shit douahdsaohj so like the stereotype that all catholics are like the very small minority of hardcore catholics is like the stereotype that every muslim lives by the ultra-conservative muslim rules. it's not true and it's stereotypical and taking the minority ultra conservatives to be the rule when they are not

there's also the fact that there are many different currents of thought inside the catholic church (a little bit like with judaism although way less flexible than judaism is), some of which are very conservative, some of which are progressive. here in latam in particular the teology of liberation is extremely popular (it's the one my family subscribes to, and i'm pretty sure it was actually born here in latam) and it's pretty progressive. for catholics, that is

and like mandatory disclaimer that i am coming from my own experiences with latam catholicism, which i feel is different from other catholic countries - my polish friends for example have experiences with catholicism that are a lot closer to those stereotypes than mine ever were - but since most of the catholic population in the world is brazilian (like me), and second place goes to mexicans, i feel pretty comfortable taking it as a ruler to measure general catholic practices

with that being said, however, the catholic church can choke and die in a fire as it is a symbol of colonialism first and foremost, its proselitism is one of the worst things ever, and even the progressive currents are still way too damn conservative for my tastes. i just don't feel comfortable transcribing something that i know is incorrect and stereotypical (and that in some cases is used to further oppression like with the Irish in the UK or armenian catholics, and i've even had some US-diaspora latinos hear some incredible things from gringos who assumed they were catholic, or, in their beautiful words, "had latino religion". but obviously in most cases catholics are the oppressors, especially here in the third world)

also, her assessment in the third video is absolutely correct. A/B/O IS just conservative gender roles born of christian and catholic imposition transposed to a fictional world where the genders have slightly different names, which is why i, as a rule, hate it dauhdsaiuhdauhda and even though the assessment that catholicism is thaaat much more conservative than other christian religions (it's absolutely not, it's Exactly As Conservative) isn't true, catholicism is still where most if not all of western conservative rethoric is born of, and ugh, it's so refreshing to see someone understand this and put it into words so well

so yeah keep that note in mind but anyway, transcriptions:

[Video transcription #1: in reply to a tiktok question, which says, "now i'm thinking about the catholic guilt that would come with it oh my god". user @Omarsbigsister is saying, "good morning", she then covers her mouth as she starts to laugh, before continuing, "I guess I'm the religious omegaverse tiktoker now. I did not know catholic guilt was more than just sex, I thought it was just about sex, but nO. people who are catholic, if you don't know, they get guilt over every little thing, they get guilty when they eat, they have guilt when, like... [dismissive gesture] they have fun... it's messed up *cut* [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] in which you HAVE to be bonded before... *sticks tongue out* *cut* and catholics, from what i know, uhm, cannot get divorced, so you can't be unbonded, you're stuck for life with that alpha or omega, and then you can't use contraceptives so if you have a heat or rut, good luck, you cannot escape it, and on top of that, they preach abstinence, right, so if you're having a heat or rut in your teen years you just gotta deal with it alone like you are not allowed to be bonded, so, that would be really intense."

#2: in response to a question, which said, "follow up question: if in the real world hijabis are women, in ABO universe would hijabis be omegas of all genders?". the user is shown stroking her chin in contemplative silence for a long time, before she says, "actually, both men and women have to wear a hijab, it's just more visible on women, but men also have to cover from like, the neck all the way down... so like when you see them [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] that's their hijab. *cut* Islam is actually treating men and women, like, fairly somewhat equally, so, I feel like in omegaverse alphas, betas, and omegas would all be held to the same standards, and alphas and omegas would also be held by the same standards but then culture would ruin it, just like western culture has ruined it. for your other question. 'would muslim families prefer betas more, and would betas be spiritual leaders', i feel like everyone prefers betas more, but then also Islam came to like, uplift women [a written note then shows up, which says, "like girls are seen as a blessing to have as kids"], so like omegas would be seen as like, a blessing to have as a child.

#3: in response to another tiktok question, which says, "fun fact bestie you cannot get divorced in the catholic religion even if your spouse is abusive and horrible to you so in omegaverse how would that work?". she replies, "the reason that Abrahamic religions seemingly fit so well into the omegaverse universe is because catholicism specifically and christianity, uhm, all the gender norms and all the cultural norms especially in the west came from catholicism and christianity, they were forced on people, and then you know, people might not be religious, but the norms stay. but now you have omegaverse which is basically just a bunch of like youth exploring the youth through this, like, werewolf fanfiction trope, using all these gender roles that you have in society on their head, so, really, what i'm saying, is that... omegaverse is just catholicism fanfiction"

#4: she looks at the camera and says, "getting islamophobic comments is one thing, but getting islamophobic comments that say that muslims cannot be in the omegaverse".... she then breaks into laughter for a solid 30 seconds

#5: she is shown reading out loud, in a mock-outraged face, a tweet that says, "about to murder tiktok they try to make Ramadan a 'quirky' trend. it's a religious holiday. stop it, get some help. /srsly /g.", then a follow-up tweet, which says, "saw a tweet saying on tiktok they are asking questions about how ramadan would work in omegaverse. i'm done with y'all, just say you disrespect muslims and go". then another tweet by a different user, which says, "i tried to read, i got secondhand embarrassment-" they then break out of character and say, "oh, that's fair," before going back, "if it wasn't ramadan i'd be boxing those people right now. those people should be ashamed to even think that way wtf". then another, which replies, "well i'm not celebrating it, so as a non-muslim, i'll happily box them". then, back to her normal voice, she says, "i really was just making a silly little tiktok and seeing that stuff really hurts... i'm just kidding, i can't keep a straight face. you like minecraft youtubers, what are you gonna do to me? what are you gonna do to me?"

#6: in reply to a tiktok ask, which said, "prince philip was an omega". she slowly films herself as she takes a walk, finds the nearest trash bin, and tosses the phone there, before putting the lid over the box. end ID]

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Royal Assassin

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Not as stark a difference as with Assassin’s Apprentice, but definitely still there. Apart from all the obvious stuff, like feeling much more attached to the characters already and picking up more details, I think the biggest change was a complete lack of patience for the teen romance drama lol. There was a decent period where I was feeling quite frustrated with it. Not that I loved it the first time round, but back then I had a very different view of how it fit into the story. I saw it as teaching Fitz a depressing lesson of what it really means to be a royal bastard and a king’s man. Fitz’s literal need (for all he knows he would have been killed if not for his deal with Shrewd) and sense of duty to put his loyalty to his king and country first creates a relationship that is toxic, turbulent and built on lies. And teenage horniness masquerading as love. I saw all that the first time and thought it was just something he had to go through. Now I know it’s something he never really goes through but rather grips onto, romanticises and ultimately goes back to. I know the point of that is meant to be that he finally gets to have something for himself, but why it had to be Molly specifically??? I have very few qualms with Robin’s writing choices overall, but why she chose to write their relationship this way if they really are meant to be is beyond me, especially when so many of her other romances are written so well - it feels like it can’t possibly be unintentional. For most of this book they’re either fighting or fucking and honey! That ain’t love! Hell, Fitz all but sees her as just another demand on his time as the book goes on. But he can’t let her go because she’s the one thing he can point to that makes him feel normal. Not happy, not cherished, not safe. Normal. She’s simply a refuge from his real life. He literally says to Chade “I need her.” I find that so telling, man. It’s not really about her, which is a shame because Molly is great. They’re just really not good for each other.

So yeah. It’s just kind of trying to read all the Fitz/Molly stuff when you know and don’t like what it ultimately culminates in. At the same time… Bee… So I will always be conflicted lol. I just can’t separate the events of Royal Assassin from the furious disappointment I felt when I finished Fool’s Fate. Perhaps I’ll have a new Fool’s Fate experience this time that will make the next re-read a bit easier in regards to Fitz and Molly? But I won’t bet on it lol.

Anyway. It’s not as if I haven’t already said just about everything there possibly is to say about Fitz and Molly yet I also feel like I could go on about it forever. Luckily this is kind of as bad as it gets in terms of how much “screen time” they actually get (apart from Fool’s Assassin maybe? But they don’t bother me too much in that) so yay! I made it! And hopefully it’ll be a good few books before y’all have to endure my ranting about it again :)) Also hopefully this doesn’t give the impression that this read was more bad than good? It was mostly just a particular angsty chunk before they properly get together that was a bit of a slog to get through, but overall I really loved reading this book again and got a lot out of it.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

That Molly punches Fitz in the face hard enough that he bleeds and that Fitz fully intended to punch the Fool for asking if Molly was preggo before seeing he had already been beaten. I pretend I do not see it.

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

Omfg I was just about to say “huh we didn’t really get any major character intros in this book” bitch Nighteyes???? But in my defence I just. Cannot process the fact that Nighteyes is only really in 3 of 16 books he just feels omnipresent to me BUT his introduction is most definitely iconique and god I love him and he made me cry eight thousand times!

Favourite character arcs

Speaking of Nighteyes: what a glow up. He goes from angry, scared, untrusting little bb to……. Nighteyes. Like. How does one even describe the kind of person Nighteyes becomes. He’s just Nighteyes and I love him with all my fuckin heart!! He is Fitz’s constant… He is wise… He is silly… a comedic genius…… a big, open, unconditional heart. Incomparable. I can’t believe I’ve seen ppl saying they dislike/d Nighteyes……. Honey…… it’s called taste xx

Favourite quote/s

Again no tabs so it’s a bit harder to keep track but there were a few that stuck out enough to copy down. There are a lot of iconic quotes in this book that get shared a lot so I only bothered with ones I didn’t remember.

- “I wince to think of the price willingly paid for loving me.”

- “My soft, clean bed beckoned, like a soft, clean tomorrow.” (mood)

- “I looked and saw they were both made of hungers, like containers made of emptiness.”

Favourite relationships

Kettricken/Verity obviously. I was shocked by how little time they actually have together being in love before Verity leaves??? Because all I remembered was how strong their love is. But the whole journey towards that love is what makes it stand out as an actual compelling story in its own right. This is definitely one of Robin’s greatest skills as a writer; giving the minor characters depth by giving them their own relationships that grow and change and have a life of their own outside of Fitz. It makes the world feel so much more alive.

Also Burrich/Fitz in this book continues to be bittersweet, but with a lot more sweet in there than usual! They fully start out this book as a team. Burrich calling Fitz “FitzChivalry” makes me fuckin emo and idk why even. Burrich does seem to start seeing Fitz a lot more as his own person in this book which changes their dynamic in some rly nice ways. The fact that towards the end of the book Burrich even uses the wit to help Fitz is enough to make me cry tbh - and writing this has made me realise that I’m officially past any uncomplicated good times between Burrich and Fitz y’all mind if I fuckin die real quick!!

Fitz/Verity is soy pure and beautiful. Fitz and the Fool is always, always compelling and complex and tender and perfectly mysterious. But overall you’d have to say Fitz/Nighteyes, hey? They are literally meant to be, in a way so straightforward and undeniable and beautifully simple that I never really know what to say about it. Little brother!!! :’) They literally make me cry all the frickin time lol rip!

Favourite setting

There aren’t that many to choose from in this book! Ima go with the skill river bc hey, Robin’s magic systems are so unique and beautiful and the fact that the skill is written as a kind of a place is really frickin cool and deserves a shoutout.

Favourite chapter

The final chapter (not the epilogue) ummm broke my heart but it is written so beautifully, oh my god, it’s like an out of body experience. I feel like this is kind of when RotE becomes RotE - the first time it really goes to that place that is so fitting yet so unexpected, so beautiful, so tragic, so awful, so visceral. Making use of the genre to really test the limits of humanity; to see how far you can bend a person without breaking them and then refusing to turn away from the consequences. Idk man!! I don’t know how to describe it without sounding like a pretentious dick but it really is that intense and strange and overwhelming for me. There is something in that moment, when Burrich pulls Fitz’s body out of the earth and Fitz/Nighteyes is recoiling from it and deeply terrified… Something about the enormity of the existential questions raised converging with the pinpoint specificity of it all being wrapped up in the story of a character that feels so real and who you care about so deeply… It’s almost written like a horror scene, but that’s not quite the feeling. It’s just the RotE feeling; there are multiple throughout all five series, and it’s what makes these books unlike any other.

Most loved character

Fitz, Nighteyes, the Fool all had my entire heart this book. The Fool is just so sad and pathetic and literally must be protected!! I think I’m kind of obsessed with Burrich? Also I think I almost forgot how much I love Kettricken? She’s a complete badass of course but she’s also got the biggest goddamn heart like…. Who said she was allowed to be such a beautiful person???

But god, everyone. I love them all.

Most hated character

What can I say? Regal is disgostang. Wall Ass a close second.

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Shall I list just a few? :)

- Burrich screaming at Fitz through the bars of his jail cell, horrible things you can’t help but feel are at least a little bit true

- Burrich sobbing over Fitz’s dead body repeating, “You aren’t dead, you aren’t dead.”

- Fitz going to Nighteyes before everything went down on the night of the coronation and just fuckin hugging him really tight

- Fitz trying desperately to leave his broken vessel behind but not quite being able to disown his body

- The Fool being beaten

- The Fool being beaten again

- The Fool sprawled and weeping across Shrewd’s dead body

- The Fool really believing for a moment that Fitz had betrayed him and killed Shrewd

- Fitz tending the Fool’s wounds………. bitch….

- Chade giving Fitz a chance to escape with them and Fitz going to kill Serene and Justin instead

- Idk why this is even that sad but Nighteyes saying the only person he loves is Fitz!

- The entire incident with the forged ones literally tearing apart a three year old girl, which I had completely blocked out until now :)

- The fact that Fitz continues to be reminded and traumatised by this incident for the remainder of the book beCAUSE HE IS A GOOD BOY. A VERY GOOD BOY WITH A VERY GOOD HEART.

- Fitz repelling at Nighteyes to try and force their bond broken

- LITTLE BROTHER

- WOLVES HAVE NO KINGS

- High off his face Fitz calling Patience “mother” no shut the fuck up!!!!

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

- I’ve been trying for ages to decipher when the Fool started falling for Fitz, and I think I’m officially putting my money on their last interaction in AA. “I wish I had a place that was as much me as that place is you.” I mean. If someone said that to me… I’m not a slut but who knows, ya know? (I know this is more a note for the last book but I thought of it while reading this book. So shh.)

- It’s so clear to see this time how much Fitz’s sense of self and politics are affected by his time in the Mountains. He obviously feels much more inclined to their way of thinking about royalty and sacrifice and equality and returns to Buckkeep with a self-respect he’s never really had before. Weird how being among people who don’t just think of you as The Bastard will do that.

- It’s no wonder Fitz becomes so fixated on Molly; he literally has almost nothing else to occupy him and no companionship when she suddenly shows up

- It’s gross that he spies on her, obviously, but you can’t not take into account the fact that Chade has been teaching him since he was ten that this is justifiable behaviour; a reasonable way to gather information and get what you want. Fitz’s lack of social awareness goes further than him just being a little awkward; he has literally been trained to believe the only thing wrong with stalking would be getting caught.

- I’ve seen a few people talk about the fact that Regal isn’t appropriately punished as if it’s bad writing and like, while it is frustrating, it is supposed to be frustrating - it is not a plot hole. It made sense to me the first time I read it and it was even more obvious this time; Regal has the loyalty of the inland duchies. If he were to be publicly punished those dukes would rally behind him and raise hell, and Regal would no longer need to play the part of the dutiful prince. Even if Regal died a “natural” death - something I can’t see Shrewd or Verity orchestrating anyway - the inland dukes would feel that they no longer have a Farseer on their side and may, again, raise hell. It’s a delicate balance that would be outrageously difficult not to topple if you removed Regal from the equation. There is a lot more to it than I’ll bother writing here but yeah. I don’t really know how people can read this book and think that Regal retaining his life and position is some sort of lazy plot contrivance. It was all set up in the first book dude.

- Fitz and Nighteyes meeting in this book is the perfect metaphor for our need for connection versus the fear of inevitable loss. Fitz’s experience tells him that entering into a bond with an animal can only end in pain, yet he can’t resist it. In real life this is especially true with humans and our animal companions, since they almost always have a shorter lifespan than us; signing up to love them is signing up to lose them. But the same is also true of our relationships with other humans. And like Fitz, we have all had our fair share of loss and pain. We all have our reasons to be afraid of the connection we naturally crave. Sometimes we give in to the fear to the point of holding ourselves back from it entirely. That’s where Fitz is at when he meets Nighteyes. But what’s so beautiful about their arc as a metaphor is that it suggests that these connections, if we submit to them, are what keep our vital spark alive. Even when Nighteyes dies later in the series, the sentiment always remains, essentially, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” Ya boi is projecting bc it’s hard to be vulnerable and make friends as an adult, but I think the observation stands. Love and connection and vulnerability are key threads that run throughout all of Fitz’s story, but in this book it is best represented through him and Nighteyes.

- “I hoped I would not become too adept at lying to myself.” Honey, you got a big storm comin.

- Very inch resting (gay) that Fitz finds it hard to meet the Fool’s eyes. I know almost everyone does bc his eyes are weird, but I reserve the right to reach and I will absolutely NOT be accepting criticism.

- I find it interesting that Fitz says Kettricken’s wit is not strong just because she doesn’t use it exactly the way he does

- I know it’s not meant to be funny but……. The way Fitz described losing his virginity had me literally laughing out loud

- Fitz was really like “okay i better go break my bond with Nighteyes” just cos he and Molly fucked. Teenagers don’t deserve rights.

- You know what? I really, really appreciate how fucking weird these books are lol. What other author would use their magic system to have their characters accidentally intruding on each other’s awkward sex stuff? Okay, maybe a few, but they would do it to be like, edgy and sexy. Robin Hobb just does it to make you cringe so hard you lose several years off of your life.

- But seriously, even apart from the cringe stuff, these books get so strange and out there and like! That’s what magic is for! 

- Bruh. When Fitz is like “omg poor Verity…. He’ll never have what i have with Molly” I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone encapsulate the self-important delusion of teen romance so perfectly lol. Wow.

- Okay some Fitz/Fool stuff that made me lose my tiny mind. Sorry.

- Fitz literally said about the Fool “he burned too brightly” I WILL DIE.

- Fitz is always like, irritated by the Fool… yet positively delighted by his presence at the same time…… okay bitch

- Inch resting how Fitz has always been uncomfortable with the Fool getting serious. I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts on this into words so like. I’ll just put it there. Make of it what you will.

- “Sit on my clothes chest and take your shirt off…” i stopped fucking breathing noah fence

- “I ran my fingers lightly down the line of his jaw, and around his eye socket. At least no bone seemed damaged. ‘Who did this to you?’ I asked him.” my GOD this is literally textbook gay/romance. It hurts me. It physically hurts me.

- Straight from my notes: “I can’t even focus on reading this bc it’s the first time they are tending each other’s wounds and I am a homosexual!” and “the gays are quaking!! (it’s me I’m the gays)

- Okay wow! I think that’s it! Hello if you made it this far! Hope this was remotely coherent and I’m always keen to hear your thoughts on my thoughts :)

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

[adorable-elsanna]

I don't mean to be rude, and I apologize in advance if I am!! But why do you ship this nd WHY does this ship exist? Aren't Elsa and Anna sisters? And blood related at that. I don't want to hate on ships, you can ship washer you want as long as you aren't hurting anybody!! It's just that ships like these with incest startle me a bit. Maybe I'm just confused since I really shipped Kistof and Anna so I'm missing out on this? Ahhh sorry if this is annoying!! -confused anon

 Hi Confused Anon ( aren’t we all? ;) ),

Thanks for your polite ask, lol finally I get to dust off this blog’s ask box! :)) I’d love to respond with a whole essay xDD but I don’t really have time :’( so maybe I’ll just give a quick rundown for now. 

I might not be the most representative person to pose this question to lol because I am an outlier in general, meaning due to my life experiences, my development, my major in college, my deep meditation practice, and more, I do not abide by normative, dominant, hegemonic social structures and social constructs (nor do I actively resist them per se), so I am unfazed by anything. 

I started shipping this after I watched the first movie when it came out in Nov. 2013. One of my first posts on this blog, 7 years ago, was me explaining how I came to ship this (I had made the post private, but now you can read it here. Also this other post, but I wrote it when I was a college student, so it’s a little too analytical for my tastes now. Those were my views at the time). 7 years is a long time, so my mindsets and reasonings have changed, but all the reasons I had for shipping them from before are still with me today. 

I didn’t go into the movie with the intention to ship them, but while watching it, I picked up on a lot of chemistry between them because their interactions and even storyline were infused with strong popular romantic tropes, tropes that were used in other classic Disney movies themselves. I used to watch a lot of romantic comedies so I was very familiar with common romantic tropes. Of course, having came away from the movie having noticed all these romantic notes between them, I was a little confused and thought maybe it was just me. But when I went online to search a bit to see if others saw/felt what I saw, I found out it wasn’t just me! 

So one of the reasons why this ship exists is because people picked up on the romantic tropes that colored some of Elsa and Anna’s interactions, tropes that have usually only appeared between romantic couples, in films and in real life. Even if the creators didn’t intend to and didn’t actively put the tropes there, they are there. 

If we apply the principles of Buddhism (not the religion. Many ppl mistakenly practice things as devotional worship or for superstitious reasons. But if ppl really want to know everything about the mind, how the world works, the universe, who they are, about themselves and “other” people and why people do what they do, the meaning of life, true happiness, the end of suffering and stress and conflict, and consciousness, then forget psychology [not saying it’s not useful though]. Buddhism, or rather Buddhadharma, is the true science of mind, or at least the much more effective tool), it says that there is the law of cause and effect, the universal law. Everything that is created in the universe and each phenomenon that happens is the result of the momentary coming together of causes and conditions that make that thing happen. There are many many causes and conditions and intricacies and things are interconnected and interdependent, no one person can control something to happen (certain conditions have to be there for something to happen). Something can not come from nothing. If something happens, then certain causes and conditions have been created to bring that result. A seed was planted. If we plant an apple seed, what comes out will be an apple tree (provided the right conditions were met, like water, soil, sunlight, etc.). It will never come out as a banana tree. And so we can understand the underlying principle behind how each situation and phenomenon arises, about existence itself, why each thing exists. 

Now WHY did I go off on that tangent??? LOL All of this is to say that certain causes and conditions have been created to result in the effect of many people shipping Elsa and Anna together and there being a fandom for them. (These principles and explanations might seem very simple and like kindergarten stuff, but despite that, many people can’t accept it. ESPECIALLY when it applies to heavy stuff in their regular everyday life. Or even trivial things tbh lol) The last I checked, there were people from at least 26 different countries shipping Elsa and Anna together. 

Everyone thinks they see reality exactly as it is and takes it for granted, and thus attach strongly to the notion that they’re right. But if that’s the case, then why are there so many fights over who is right? So who is actually right? Even if someone were to follow the majority consensus or some popular, ingrained, long-standing ideas / societal rules, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right. There are many cases of the blind leading the blind. People used to follow the geocentric model of the universe before they discovered heliocentrism. Ideas are always in flux and keeps changing and transforming, sometimes faster, sometimes slower, sometimes imperceptibly and sometimes conspicuously. If you ask 100 different people why they ship Elsa and Anna, you will get 100 different answers (with a lot of overlap of course) with unique spins on their reasons. Because in the world, each person sees reality through their own color-tinted glasses and filters and adherence to labels, concepts, beliefs, upbringing, etc. And then the person seeing “reality” through red-tinted glasses gets mad at the person seeing with blue-tinted glasses for not seeing the world how they see it (and gets frustrated not understanding why), and vice versa. In this scenario, what is actually best? To realize you’re seeing “reality” through color-tinted glasses, and so you should take them off and truly see reality without any filtered lenses. (This is a little off-topic, but I had to bring some Buddhism into this because first of all, dharma applies to everything lol, and secondly, Buddhism is all about dispelling confusion. There is definitely a way to see reality exactly as it is, it typically involves meditation.) 

Yes, Elsa and Anna are sisters. But I’ve never seen any pair of sisters act like them before (if there are, then that’s great!). I have a sibling myself, and we are very close, but we don’t act like how Elsa and Anna act with each other. With most siblings, I would say there’s a lot more joking around, teasing each other, sarcasm, pranks, and casual relaxed communication than the intense intimacy, deep eye-contact, and soul-bonding that Elsa and Anna share. Disney has portrayed many other sibling relationships before, but it seems like they tried something a little different with Elsa and Anna’s relationship that made it pretty easy for many people to ship them together. 

I ship Elsa and Anna together because their pure true love for each other transcends all labels, concepts, preconceived notions, and time and space. They are completely selfless when it comes to one another and that’s what true love means. They make each other better people and it empowers them to extend this selflessness toward other people. Their sacrificing themselves for each other and selflessness in action is true love exemplified. No one deserves Elsa more than Anna, and no one deserves Anna more than Elsa (speaking from my shipper heart xD). Confining and defining their love as just sisterly seems limiting and not allowing the full potential of their true, expansive, infinite love to manifest. (A sibling relationship is really beautiful, but it still has to be shaped and look a certain way, it has to fit into a particular mold and box and abide by certain conditions. Otherwise, as we have incontrovertibly seen, people will scream bloody murder and be squicked out and all hell will break loose.)  

We can even go one step further to say that the same similarly applies to people’s definitions, notions, concepts, ideas, and beliefs about love. They say this love is like this and that love is like that, this is what love should look like, this person can love this person but only if it’s like this and not like that, this is what it means to love and to be loved, etc. Again, it’s limiting, and placing restrictions on something whose essence is boundless. In Buddhism, with the realization of Enlightenment, one realizes that true love is selfless, unconditional, boundless, free, all-encompassing, nondual, timeless, compassionate, wise, nondiscriminating, infinite, universal, endlessly flowing, non-judgmental, creative, indescribable, and inconceivable. So THIS is the love that I see and ship between Elsa and Anna. I love their relationship as sisters, but their love is so grand that it cannot be contained inside that label, so it transcends and goes beyond any attempts to neatly define and characterize it.

It’s okay if incest ships startle you. Uncomfortable feelings come up whenever the ego experiences anything that challenges its worldview and everything it’s ever known and held to be true, and that prompts it to question and reconsider its mind-constructs. We have a knee-jerk reaction to grasp, hold, and attach to what we like, and to avoid, reject, and push away what we don’t like and what makes us feel uncomfortable. For what it’s worth, Buddhism tells about the cycle of life, death, and rebirth from beginningless time, so we have all lived infinite past lives and been each other’s lovers, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, enemies, grandparents, etc. at one point or another. (Deep, but intriguing!, topics for another time.)  

If you really like to ship Krist0ff and Anna, then go ahead and ship happily. First rule of Buddhist meditation: Whatever you do, ONLY DO IT, 100%. ;) And if you don’t do something, then don’t do it, 100%. And then move on to the next moment. Be in the present moment. And remember that everything is changing moment by moment. Mind is changing moment by moment. Don’t need to anticipate the next moment. Who knows where our shipper hearts will take us. 

I like to ship people based on their chemistry and characterization. Elsa and Anna have a great true love story that is theirs and theirs alone. I don’t like to ship relationships that seem contrived, thrown in there for the sake of it, not fleshed out, lacking in substance, trite, and with characters who are underwhelming or underdeveloped. 

Lol no worries, this is not annoying, I’m sorry this is so long and that I took 7 days to get back to you. I wish I could give specific examples from the movies with beautiful gifs to explain why I ship them (I’ve probably written such posts in the past. Maybe I’ll come back to edit this reply one day), but I’ve gotta skedaddle! I’d like to hear your thoughts about my reply if you actually read this, so please send me a message in the ask box again if you can. 

Also I’m a girl if that makes any difference, but yeah anyway, skedaddle time, love you all! 

Oooooh I never finished replying to someone else’s ask box message asking me why I shipped them, it’s from years ago :’(, I started typing my reasons and saved it in my drafts, but it’s incomplete. But here’s what I wrote at the time!

1. I just love everything that Elsa and Anna feel and do for each other. Elsa isolates herself from Anna to keep her safe, and Anna persists in trying to get Elsa to open up to her and goes to find her when she runs away. They’re always thinking of each other and worrying about each other. They act selflessly for one another and their unconditional love is expressed so genuinely. This kind of devotion in any relationship is rare.

2. There was a lot of chemistry between them in the movie. At the coronation ball scene, I get that the creators were trying to depict awkwardness between them since they haven’t spoken in a long time, and Anna wanted reassurance that Elsa didn’t hate her so she was nervous about getting Elsa’s attention and approval, but the scene came off as Elsa being kind of suave and flirty and Anna being flustered because her crush just complimented her. Then Anna gave Elsa a playful smile when she was dipped upside-down as if she only had eyes for Elsa.

When Anna stares admiringly at Elsa as she stands atop the staircase, it was like a scene straight out of A Cinderella Story or Enchanted where the prince stares at his true love like she took his breath away.

[bucksbisexual]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY LAST ONE OF MY OPINION POSTS HERE GOES EP12:

[breathes in]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i’m so fucking happy with this ending

it’s such a good happy ending this is truly what the gays deserve i’m just happiness in physical form rn

i don’t even know where to start but i’ll try to make this as chronological as my brain allows me because my memory do be sucking

i’m gonna put a keep reading because this shit will get loooooong kjshfkf okay let’s do this

so.. we start with PETE EXPOSING NON(T)’S BRAT ASS!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES THATS MY BABY THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

kao’s mom being a fucking badass and telling her BOSS how to do shit. i love her yall I LOVE HERRRRRRRR

also kao’s mom telling kao that she wasn’t the most amazing person ever was so cute because you can see kao’s light bulb turning on sjfkhsgsh please i love them

yes i will say i love x after every single one of these u can’t stop me

from the teaser i thought kao would dashi run run run to pete’s house but thankfully he took a taxi lmao

at least he didn’t run there because he had to run from pete’s house (or may i say, mansion) to the POOL my man is a whole athlete oh my god

KAO YELLING HE LOVES PETE!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLOSED SPACE WITH PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY HEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABYYYYYYYY

also a beautiful parallel to the scene from ep1 (i noticed there’s a lot of parallels in this episode we stan character development and repeating things just so the viewers can see how consistent the couples are)

the kiss from that scene............... beautiful amazing gorgeous idk many words in english to describe how i felt while watching and how i feel about it

to that i think we cut to sunmork but i don’t remember what happened because of the kiss KJHFKSL SORRY

anygays i rlly like how this whole episode is sun being a clingy bih and mork gay panicking while trying to act like a confident gay when he knows that sun outconfidentgays him i love them lmao

okay after that i think it’s petekao having food with their parents all together and god i looooooove this scene

pete’s dad being the lgbt ally dad all of us lgbt fellas with homo/transphobic dads wish we had will never fail to make me soft i love that man pls be my dad too

also kao’s mom :-(( i love her she respected her son’s decision on not coming out until he was ready even though she already smelled it (reminds me of my mom lmao) and was always there for him even when kao didn’t say anything :-(((((((((((

petekao bickering will never get old i swear i love every time they do because that’s so..... men it makes their characters more real

i know there’s a lot (not that much because i admit this episode was kinda short?? idk maybe it’s just me) between that scene and this one but THE SQUAD EATING ALL TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!! AND THEM TEASING PETEKAO!!!!!! PLEASE I LOVE THEM

pete literally not knowing how to stop the audio and broadcasting live TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY that time when he told kao he loved him through the teddy bear...... peak pete culture

the fact that ppl love them and they have a whole hashtag on twitter makes me soft because usually when someone is famous in bls the fans hate the other part of the couple but in this one??? oh no honey we stan petekao in this household hate is not allowed it’s actually prohibited illegal

okay let me backtrack a bit skjfhsjf

OH YES I FORGOT!!!! manow wanting to talk with mork was so weird when i saw the teaser for the episode but after seeing them talk i was like oooooh okay i understand

sun saying “what’s your girl saying to my boy” is probably one of my favourite lines of this drama KLHSJFLF

rain reading their lips fskjfjsf and when mork said “fuck you rain” HIS FACE SKJFHKSJSLFJ HE WAS SCARED SHITLESS but also the end of this scene was so cute i love these three

i just did a bit of skipping through the episode to try and actual make an order out of this mess and the petekao+parents thing comes now,,,,,, anygaYS

then it’s more teasing between sunmork blah blah

then MORK SPEAKING THE MF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! quoting the actual dialogue “it’s my choice to tell or not tell anyone. i should get to decide”

OUTING SOMEONE ISN’T COOL!!!!!!! IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! NO LGBT PERSON WILL EVER WANT TO BE OUTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain had good intentions but it doesn’t mean that it was right of him to do so

okay this got serious,, sun going to rain’s bed with not one but Two pillows when barely two people fit in that bed.... oh to be that iconic and carelessly gay

back to petekao because we will never get enough of these two (which is why i’ll probably watch the our skyy episode tomorrow just to cry over these fools)

it’s so weird to see tay being like this after watching him being himself in other things like the live lunch and taynew meal date and other things i’ve randomly watched during this week to retain myself from finishing this series in a night ksfjhsfkshlks

also kao helping pete shave and pete being like do u like my moustache or should i shave it for u my lord SFHKFJ the domesticity and just the feeling of two idiots being in love i love them with my whole heart

kao staying at pete’s house because it’s both of their first days as interns and kao!!!!! he works for pete’s dad!!!!!!! pete’s dad accepted him into his company!!!!!! i love them

also the bickering between those three sjfkhs “hello im pete im from thailand” “that’s all you’ll say today” THAT WAS SO FUNNNY SKJFHSKFHSFJSFL

THE MESSAGE IN THE TEDDY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAO CALLING PETE LOVE PLEASE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE THESE FOOLS

okay so the squad eating together is right after this but i already talked about it ksjfhsfh next!!

idk if it’s a big time skip or a small one but guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANOW AND RAIN ARE DATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY STRAIGHT BABIES YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAA

manow is so pretty and rain is so cute they’re both so lucky my bisexual ass is crying

pete being “angry” at kao being so handsome,,, a mood

but also.. pete being possessive was h*t

there i said it and i don’t regret it

random but i will miss kao’s annoying ass saying “about aboyz” sjfkhsfh

pete being like “i will have to give u more love bites (ffs gmmtv just say hickies we are all at an age where we know what love bites are) so no one flirts with u” and kao being like “bitch try me” sjfhksfj i’m loving bratty kao

also that scene turned into furry kao real quick KJHDKJFSHJF

okay now it’s: mork’s birthday party time!!

rain and manow arrive first and are the cutest couple around because the two main gays haven’t arrived yet (being gay AND punctual? not possible)

sun and rain fighting in the kitchen was peak siblings culture skfhksjf

mork being ready to leave his own birthday party with a stranger who also plays pokemon go just to have a battle................ dumbass bisexual energy

said stranger is eARN FROM 2GETHER!!!!!! FILM IS IN THIS TOO!!!!!!!! first the girl who plays yuri in yyy and now film who plays earn in 2gether is here too??? damn wlw keep winning (also headcanon: theyre dating/seeing each other because LESBIANS periodt)

okay petekao arrive and wont u guess whats their present for mork,,,,,, the mf TEDDY BEAR and kao rlly says that they should use it since theyre so lip sealed lmao

rain and manow literally gave mork a present not for him but for sun im- i love these two

MORK FINALLY SAID YES TO BEING BOYFRIENDS OH MY GOD DUDE U ACTUALLY HAD ME WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC

also sun being a whole koala and being a horny bitch is so funny sfhskfjskl my man has his priorities set

their last scene is so cute :-(( poor rain will have to live with this until he moves out sjfhksjf

oh boi the ending is near hhhhhhh

kao teaching his class an equation that ends up in i < 3 u is the most kao thing i’ve ever seen

also kAO IS BOOKED AND BUSY BABYYYYYYYYYY GET THOSE COINS HONEY

pete being like “u haven’t spent enough time with me lately >:-(” was cute jhkfjs my man is needy of kao and i understand that because have u seen kao? exactly

kao teasing him with not having forgotten the cup this time and pete being his possessive self was.. splendid

every reference to something that happened with non(t) hurts but also i love how they just tease each other because they know that now their relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and that nothing and no one will come between them

the scenes they show during the last last scenes :-((( BOYFIES!!!!!!

and i love how they decided to end the show with them holding hands in public

i would explain why i do but it’s 6:26 am and i’ve been writing this for at least half an hour already and my laptop is heating up a lot and im sweating because it’s hot in here so get down on the floor pipiipipipipipipi

kdjhkdfhs sorry im not sleepy this is just my brain without a filter it’s just gay shit and a big repertoire of songs

god okay that was my opinion on the last episode of dark blue kiss...........

needless to say that i will eat every bit of content related to petekao after this because writing this i already miss them and i can’t wait to watch our skyy tomorrow idk where but i will

i really really REALLY liked this drama and it’s one of the two bl dramas (not counting the untamed) i’ve given a full 10/10 rating on mdl because it’s THAT good

everything about this drama is just.. chef’s kiss i love it i will probably rewatch it when my plan to watch is empty but it’s a pretty long list so.. hopefully i’ll ignore that and just rewatch sjkfhslf

i’ll of course watch kiss and kiss me again just for the petekao, the squad and rain scrumbs because i’m sure that the petekao compilations don’t show everything

but yeah im just.. i love this show it’s been a rlly long time since i started writing this but i’m still happy because it’s so good and truly gave us a good happy ending and i swear i cannot emphasise enough how important good happy endings in lgbt media are!!!!!!!!!!

anygays im hungry and ready to submerge myself in the dbk tags, see u all tomorrow for my our skyy petekao episode version of this,,,,,

till then, stay safe ! bYE

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of, 2 concrete things i’d actually want out out of the future is top surgery & a legal name change. its some bs that even though this is something i want its not currently something i can anticipate/look forward to/feel like i can expect to happen

another thing thats wild is that ive really wanted these things even before it became related to noncis reasons. like, for what my legal name is now, ive actually always hated being called it for my whole life. in a way, ive never even really considered it my name. it isnt my “real name,” and i wouldn’t even use the term deadname for it, as that implies it was ever alive for me, which it wasnt. and i used to feel like the way your “legal name” gets automatically used in many scenarios was just an annoyance, but now i can’t tolerate it in the least.

as for top surgery, i’ve also always wished i were flatchested, and i am not, to the degree that loose clothes won’t do much for me and bras pretty much have to have underwire and no stores carry a genuinely proper fit (which is true for most people but some more than others). but again even way back in the day i wanted to be permanently flatchested. there are some experiences i cannot imagine for myself, such as thinking rain is depressing even tho apparently so many ppl do its taken for granted, or becoming irritable b/c you havent had lunch yet. another one is hoping to have a less flat chest. i never felt even an inkling of that or could understand it in the least. and you know when awful moms write horrible self-involved thinkpieces about their trans child with handwringing about how they can’t imagine wanting top surgery for themselves and cant deal with their child wanting it? and theyll just go on about how for them having breasts is essential and some critical part of their identity and sexuality and i am like. first of all shut up and secondly what the fuck are you talking about b/c i can tell you i cant imagine having some kind of crisis over being flat. guess you arent allowed to be cis until i can figure out how to empathize lol

honestly i can be a like. super analytical person and i think part of it is that even as a kid i wasnt seeing it as some sort of crucial thing about Maturity or guys being all hot for you because i was busy noticing how its guys being real predatory at you and how someone with breasts becomes an object and in general the weird cultural fetishizing of non-flat breasts just makes me uncomfortable now same as then, whether i had them or not. i say non flat because spoilers everyone has breasts. same structure, different development in different people. and you know, it is awful even for cis girls, if you read about people who started developing larger breasts at a younger age as per starting puberty earlier, and having to suddenly deal with grown men already staring at their chests and harassing them and etc. its bad enough getting that treatment at any age, much less when you’re like, 9.

so anyways. i’m not always plagued w dysphoria or anything, but i want to be flatchested. and the concept that to be not straight or not cis, you have to basically have no choice...like you must have constant and torturous dysphoria and oh god if only you could be cis but this is forcing you at gunpoint to be otherwise! like umh no but i WANT to have top surgery and that should be and is good enough. and i would even tolerate the surgery part coz like...i have a sort of aversion to like, being stabbed, even tho obviously, logically, surgery is controlled and not actually harmful, but still. knives! but actually at this point what bothers me more now is that i dont trust bitches. like some people would consider it harmless if ppl say some disrespectful blasé shit about you if you’re passed out, but i don’t, and i dont even only apply that to myself. shut tf up about other patients. and like i said the fucked up degree to which breasts are fetishized so that theyre basically considered to make you a sexual object and to even see someones breasts as a straight dude is to have diminished and gotten the upper hand on someone...shits fucked up. like, Reverse Sexism is real coz i can see myself being way more comfortable not having a dude doing my top surj, which i will probably never get to have anyhow, but it is at least a bonus to know that i would want it. im even more reverse sexist because i wouldnt want a dude nads doctor either, if i ever went to one. but i do not think that that kind of preference is unfounded, especially since there’s really sooo many ways that even the most basic and routine medical treatment can be a bad experience for patients because their own specific wants and needs arent listened to and not all doctors and nurses ought to even have that job and really awful shitty things can happen to people, even endangering them, because they arent given a basic level of respect

anyways.....i have a real name and its not whats “legally” recorded and i also wish i could expect to have top surgery but for starters i have to be able to expect i’ll be alive and for the past however many years i have not been afforded that assumption

[ajaegerpilot]

idk. its been on my mind lately wrt radfe/minism assigning moral value to certain .. demographics over others. like i get that there’s some type of appeal there. to be a lesbian, one of the most oppressed groups, and then to assign moral value to your oppression. but i mean, it doesn’t actually track. we’re all just humans. for good and ill. the way the world’s been split up, it could’ve split up differently and then we’d be shitty to each other in different ways. as it is, the dice fell where they lay and i’m not going to for example champion against misa/ndry where it doesnt exist. but saying that men are inherently oppressive.. they don’t have some type of gene that makes them hurt women. or even some unbreakable socialization. some assholes historically brute-forced or slowly boiled the frog to the point where equality was no longer an option socially or economically. there’s nothing genetically unique to white ppl that had us ripping apart the world. conversely there’s nothing about women or poc that invites oppression onto them. oppression isn’t logical.. (in the sense that you could justify oppression of a group, though oppressors try and indeed some members of oppressed groups eg te/rfs agree with them) beyond the logic of abuse and the benefits oppressors reap in a social system that allows them to and does not punish them for harming their victims.

idk. my - way of relating to this world has i think been guided by my desire to reduce pain. that’s why i’m confident in interacting with ppl i disagree with. if their way turns out to reduce pain then i’ll change my mind, as i’ve done in the past. but idk. its wild to me that some people can make some leaps of logic that i just can’t see how to bridge. like i was talking to some white supremacist on fucking runescape the other night (Dont ask how ThIs Shit got started) and like idk. that guy is kind of - okay like first of all. you know what fuck it. i know his game. his game is that he’s accepted a hierarchy of races at which he’s coincidentally at the top, and thus he views equality of other races as a threat to his position (and he’s correct!). and he views degeneracy (lgbt-ness) and probably women’s rights as a threat to his hierarchical position in patriarchal heterosexuality (and he’s correct!) he thinks that people would be happier and in less pain if europe was some white heaven and all the degenerates and poc were excluded, but that has nothing to do with how poc/degenerates are fairing, because he doesnt value them as full human like himself. so for him, everyone that matters is taken care of and pain has been reduced/eliminated (i mean, white supremacy is not sustainable like - it wouldn’t work, there is no white supremacist utopia because its an inherently violent ideology that requires subjugation of SOMEBODY to function it will never stop). but for me, everyone matters, unless they’re causing others pain.

ugh this is not cohesive!! but i lit a fire under my ass because i understand this dude again. but anyway, it’s frustrating because you really cannot convince people of universal humanity when their ideology and self-worth is hinged on there being hierarchies. transphobic radfeminism or like similar types of movements (i wont get into them because i’d be sticking my ass out of my lane) of people assigning hierarchical worth to their own oppression are different but similar. for one, the end result of transphobic radfeminism is, if you follow the logic - the assignment of babies as male or female, and the elimination of all males. like - there is the understanding that men are biologically predisposed to oppressing ‘females’, and that ‘females’ are inherently more worthy because they are biological martyrs in that sense, they are not tainted by a genetic compulsion or ability to oppress (incorrect of course for a number of reasons). so the only solution is to avoid relationships with ‘males’ and if you do they will without fail mistreat you and you’ve brought on your own suffering (by being a bi or straight woman). like i literally saw some terf say ‘welp it sucks that straight women are straight lmao lets get them robot boyfriends’ like WHAT?? there’s this huge disconnect to humanity and reality there, and a huge disconnect from empathy to vast swathes of the human population. it approaches things this bizarre sort of value judgement based on happenstance of birth (birthright, so to speak) from a different angle than ur average runescape white supremacist, but i think why there are parallels b/w te/rfs and white supremacists is because they both draw the same conclusion. like te/rfs say that men are subhuman because they biologically oppress women (and i’d agree within the sense that ppl who oppress others are less humane, except that te/rfs link it to something inescapable), white supremacists will say that poc/degenerates/women are less human because again - something apparently inescapable. the results of either of these ideologies is either genocide or seperatism, the former of which is horrifying and the latter of which is not actually feasible (at least without violence). it is the attempt of a scoundrel to comfort themselves by having pride in something they had no say in rather than their actions.

liike we have to understand that humans are like all CAPABLE of good shit, AND bad shit, and the fact that men (for example) can choose to fight for equality with women and don’t is what makes them uniquely bad. this is also is the only thing that brings hope. like, there’s also the fact that it is real. we are all working with humanity here. its just very hard to argue with people i think if they can’t agree with that premise. am i unique here? did my parents do me wrong by raising me to believe in my inherent humanity and the inherent humanity of others? i don’t think this was very coherent... but basically there is no value or worth that is granted to an individual being because they are a certain race or gender or sexuality. we are all the same damn dirty human worldwide, contending with lines that were drawn to subjugate some to raise up a few. but these lines were drawn, they are artificial. time to rip it down ykwim ;3c

[veronicaaabrown]

It’s been almost a year... here are some things That happened… I will be talking through my phone so if anything is incorrect, any run on sentences, anything sounds like shit it’s literally because I am talking to my phone and it is typing this baby out because I just don’t care to write it out to be honest so here we go here are some things that I learned here are some things that happened and I’m just grateful for life overall. Y’all ready?

Not everyone is your friend. People really don’t care for you no matter how much they can try or how much they think they’re doing for you, they can give no fucks.

Secondly, family sometimes is really all you have. Sure they may talk shit about you, not really care about your dreams, not really care about your ventures, tell you to get something that’s practical, and make sure they make you feel like shit when they really want to… But they are literally all I have. And I’m at the point in my life where it’s like I can at least keep that barrier up so that I’m not trampled by the negativity which is way better than having outside energies that you question about, “Friends.” Who say they believe in you but like really don’t believe in you. Which is so fucked up by the way. But to be honest it’s like really fine because I’d rather deal with my families energy then anyone else… And I’m not saying my whole family is like super negative either? What I’m saying is that sometimes energy just isn’t there and that’s what I’m learning and it’s OK ...

AnyWho so let’s recap what happened this year…

I moved back home at the beginning of 2020More like December 20, 2019.. And it was one of the most sad depressing most, agitating feelings I had ever felt in my life. I just never really thought I’d come back home but I’m doing pretty fine now and here I am.

At the beginning of 2020 I was living with my father for like two months maybe? And I got into a huge argument with my brothers and my little sisters mom and that was only because I was fighting for my father & the fact that everyone kind of takes advantage of the situation… And like my father is a kind hearted man am I so a lot of the men in my family.. but sometimes people just take take take and don’t realize what they doing and so I got into a huge argument with my siblings and it was terrible it was one of the worst things that I’ve ever happened to me, the things that were said to me, I felt like I will never forget those things… I’ll never forget how I felt.

Ummm.. another thing that happened was actually amazing was that because I couldn’t find a job at the time before February was over - covxd happened, and to be honest thank you God. I was in so much depression and so much anxiety that all I could ever ask was for the world to stop just for me and because of my situation because of the things I was going through I felt like God made away even though it was the worst way for the world, the earth, humanity, I just felt like I needed a break and I am thankful? That this happened because I needed my world to stop!

As all of the changes were happening I decided to move to my grandparents house as I was supposed to go anyways, like that was the destination I was supposed to be living at… But the way sometimes my grandparents are set up I just kind of scary you know what I’m saying. Sometimes you just can’t do nothing wrong or you’ll be hexed Ha ha ha I’m kidding, no I’m not… And I think the fear of messing up I think the fear of not having my own space I think the fear of not being comfortable really had me fucked up and I’m talking about so fucked up, so fucked up I literally went insane..

I saw myself waking up to heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, not being able to breathe, tight chest, out of air, not be able to think straight, suicidal thoughts that I never thought I’d see after taking some anxiety medication, but I am actually still scared after that... They don’t come up frequently but you know how the brain works if you’ve ever experienced this. I thought this year I literally was not going to make it.. There’s like no jobs in this town and there’s definitely like no big opportunities to make a lot of money compared to when I lived in the bigger city. It was like I was figuring out who I was, as if I had opened up Pandora’s box or some shit and it made me feel like I was literally crazy, like if I was going to submit myself into an insane fucking place, whatever they’re called and I had to pray on this shit because there was no way out of it,. I literally had no idea who I was I was this format of what ever that felt like I was floating in a 3-D world because nothing felt real anymore and that’s because I knew something was wrong with me and I couldn’t figure out what the fuck it was.. it just was a lot in my body and in my soul and I felt like my soul was screaming for help and I felt like there was nothing that no one could do to get me out of it. And so I called onto God. I called onto him and I asked him to help me, I asked him to keep me under his wing basically, And I told him to please take out anyone who could be hurting me in anyway or bringing their energy onto me so that I stay stuck in this bad energy type shit like what the fuck, it was so bad like if I could explain the way I felt if I could explain the way that I looked at the world, as if I was so scared of what was happening in the world but like not because of Covid but because of like the world is actually scary that is what I mean that was what I felt. The greatest metaphor or the greatest comparison that I think would be the movie capital SOUL, the Disney Pixar movie, Yeah that one the part where they go into the depression area where there’s dark souls and stuff .. if there’s anything that could compare to it would be that. It would literally be that. it felt like I was under a spell..

AnyWho after prayer and after Catholic prayer and after prayer of my own… Everything slowly turned around doc to me I felt like God was real because there was no way in hell that I felt like I was getting out of the situation I was if I just keep living my life the way I did. I’m not saying I’m super religious But definitely like, definitely spiritual on all levels for sure. And to be honest like I can only think God for what he has done for me, for giving me back my sanity, for speaking through me and for allowing me to break away from anything I did not serve me. I lost a few friends which, I believe ppl overdue their seasons anyways and I am not the type of person to keep friends for long periods of time.. So def happy that happened ..I was learning about energies and how to maintain my energy and keep my energy positive and it showed and redeem some things that I didn’t really wanna see and realize that I had to actually stop talking to a few other people just because of that… Sorry guys if you ever see this, I just had to do it.

I just wanted to say that I also did start my clothing line amparomerced.com. I also did in fact start content creating again on my personal YouTube & Instagram because I felt like I really wanted to do that and it was just something I always wanted to do since I was like in high school so I’m just continuing to follow the dreams that I know my soul wants and I know that is going to be for me… So I made a whole plan for this year and how I’m going to conquer that and I’m just really excited to tackle it and show you guys what I’m doing and it’s just you guys wow, I think this year is going to be magical.

I also did lose weight this year I think I lost about 30 pounds I am not sure because at the beginning of the year I definitely was like 375, and I am around and under 350 at this point and I only say this because the pictures only makes sense that I could’ve been that big and my measurements but to be honest like I’m just really proud of myself I wish I wasn’t scared to step on the scale In January 20 20 but to be honest like I’m just taking care of myself and I know that I’m on the right path because the weight is dropping off, like hallelujah like we are killing it y’all so.. yesb

Another thing that happened this year was that I found out I had a brain disease? A brain disorder? But basically my brain swells in the back of my head causing Chronic pain and spinal pain, it has a lot to do with my nervous system I guess and it’s called Charrie Malformation, it’s definitely been a lot a lot and not something that I had expected. They found some liquid behind my eyes and determined that it was just something that they would have to take out, I finally went to a Neurologist and he basically told me that I would have to go to MRI and go to a neurosurgeon to see if I was a candidate for brain surgery… So much fun. And this was on the day before my birthday let’s not forget that… But when it turns out the day before Thanksgiving I was declared to not have brain surgery and that even though my size of the brain would be a candidate for brain surgery I would be fine without it because I didn’t have the chronic pain issues as frequently as regular candidates would have so because my back and my neck was hurting it was literally just because of the situation…

How this brain issue came about: This situation became more frequent in my life in December 2018 when I was working at Guess inc. and the reason why I say this is because that was the first time I ever became aware of how my body was functioning, how much weight I was gaining, how much I cannot see at the left side of my eyes, and how much I had changed in being at this job for about less than four months,. The job really did fuck me up to be honest and ever since then I have had this situation happened to me and I was never aware of it prior or never aware of it at all to be honest. stress can really kill you boys and girls It can really fuck you up so make sure you take care of yourselves and quit those jobs that you don’t like because fuck those jobs fuck those people fuck anything else that doesn’t serve you a greater purpose in life and that’s just on PERIODT. 

AnyWho back to now.. I live in my grandparents Basement. I’m really grateful for them, I stop looking at life like it was against me and started thinking that life was for me… You know a lot of good things came out of the situation as far as figuring out my health finding out how to control anxiety and depression, figuring out the life that I actually really want to live, and really diving deep into who do I want to be in my lifetime here on earth… Like who do I want to be here, and to be honest I really want to be someone great… I want to live until I’m like 70 or 80 years old just like my great grandmother she was, actually like 93 I think… But I would really love to live a long life like her .. I would really like to grow legacy and I would really just like to not be afraid of life...

Out of all the learning experiences that this year that I’ve learned is that to be honest you can be anyone you want to be… You can have the job of your dreams you can live the life you really want to live and you can grow prosperous and be rich if you really wanted to… And although I live in my grandparents basement and my things are in boxes in barrels and I’m living on their bed that was a spare bed and The things that I have are put into 90 or 80’s Furniture like I am just so happy I have the opportunity to take a step back and really view life the way I can view it now… It’s really not that bad it’s really actually pretty fucking great if you ask me… Because I’m not paying rent and although I had a really cool life before this living in the big city and paid loads of money on rent… at least I’m not like super depressed or dealing with depression anymore, at least I’m like in a good mental health space and my grandparents allowed me to do that by being patient with me… I’m just like truly thankful for them like you guys have no idea and to be honest like if you were ever given the opportunity to move back home, and you think it’s going to be like the worst thing in the world, just do it. It’ll help you grow.

just look at life as it’s like you only have one life and you can change everything about it and in 2021 like that is what I’m going to do… I feel like 2020 give me the opportunity to plant my seeds to plant the life that I always wanted to live to give me a vision to look forward to life to look forward to the things that I never looked forward to before and I think that within this time it has given me The ability to really love who I am really love the skin I’m in and really love the person that I can truly be… And I think at this point in my life is that I am so comfortable with being alone & single that there is no way in hell that anyone can try to make me want to date them unless they have greater access to some higher spirituality shit that’s really going to turn me on and make me feel like yes this is it… Like I really don’t wanna be with anyone and I think that is the greatest lesson that I feel like what? How the hell did I get to that type of level.. Where I felt like I liked myself more than anyone else in this world? Now I think that is powerful… So whoever decides to come my way better level the fuck up because you know what, I will be single for the rest my life if I have to… I would rather fulfill my personal needs and feed into my soul th- someone else’s who can take take take take and never get back and I think that is the most rewarding thing this whole year (2020) has taught me. To be you, be free, and to love who you really are… No matter the good or the bad… No matter how you see yourself, to help people see you, the judgment in the world, it doesn’t fucking matter at all… That was my lesson in 2020… Because the world literally revolves around you.

So to be honest I’m just really thankful I’m just really thankful for everything that I’ve been through… I’m really thankful that I got to learn about myself that I got to open a box full of demons and really FaceTime… And really understand that I was just hiding from myself and that I was just so sad with the way that life I turned out that I didn’t realize that there was a life in front of me waiting for it… I’m just so happy that I have things to look forward to and I can spend the rest of my life, because I will live until I’m like 80 years old, doing the things that I love that feed my soul and that will show me the world it’s not against me it’s working for me in the universe is here we’re just waiting for me to get my ass up… And I did this was the first year in two years that I completed a vision board for what I wanted for my life in 2021, and I feel like for the first time in so long I have so much to look forward to and I’m just so proud of myself and it makes me cry because wow like I got myself out of my head I got myself away from the things that no longer benefited me and I got away from the things that were pulling me down… And I think that is the most powerful thing someone can do for themselves when they feel like the world Is literally over.