#and on the way up the escalator from the metro

[alsofoundinpeas]

Beyond the Window

Summary: With her package plan a success, the only thing standing between Y/N and Spencer now was his job. But as soon as he returned home, nothing would hold them back from finally acting on their feelings—this time, with no windows in the way.

CONTENT WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI!! This fic is intended for adult audiences. Some might consider this dubcon (talk of Spencer watching reader through her window but reader had wanted him to) so please be aware of that! Fingering (f!receiving), oral (both m and f receiving), unprotected P in V sex (birth control mentioned), overstimulation/multiple orgasms (both m and f receiving), dry humping (if you squint), creampie (fuck I hate typing that), minor corruption kink, heavy praise, Virgin!Spencer, Sub!Spencer (he is pathetic and LOUD in this FYI), Soft Dom!reader, Perv!Spencer and Perv!Reader (they're back at it again LMFAO). Both fluffy and smutty. They match each other’s freak your honor!!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader/afab!reader

A/N: Anddd done! This was, to date, the filthiest thing I've written so I'm nervous but I also loved writing it LMAO. I hope you guys enjoy part two as much as I enjoyed writing it :') I'll be putting out more sub!Spence in the future, but for now I hope you guys like this!! As always, please let me know what you guys think and if you do enjoy it then please like, reblog, and share it with your friends. <3 Thank you and I love you all!! :)

Spencer was certain the universe was playing a cruel, twisted prank on him.

It was the only explanation for being called into work early on a Sunday morning when he was supposed to be off. The night before, he’d gone to bed without replying to Y/N, hoping to come up with the perfect witty, flirty response the next day—when his brain wasn't a pile of mush. As he hurried to pack a go-bag and get dressed, Spencer cursed under his breath for waiting. Now, he’d have to send a hasty, jumbled apology and hope that Y/N would still want him to come over when he got back.

While Spencer drove—a task he loathed but had no choice in, given the lack of time for the metro—Penelope briefed him on the case details. The team was being sent to Wyoming to assist with a rapidly escalating unsub, which explained the need to get there quickly. Spencer couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt as Penelope spoke. Even with the case's urgency, his mind kept returning to Y/N.

“Reid?” Penelope sighed, then tried again. “Hello? Earth to Reid?!”

Spencer snapped back to reality, his face flushing as he cleared his throat. “Sorry, I got distracted. What was the last part again?”

Penelope's laughter echoed through the phone. “What’s keeping your mind so busy? Besides all your usual genius stuff, that is."

Spencer groaned, knowing that the blonde wouldn’t stop pressing until she got an answer. With a heavy sigh, he reluctantly began to explain.

"There’s this girl who lives across from me, and I’ve had a crush on her for a while… We’d run into each other a few times at the library and the coffee shop near my place, but recently, a package of hers ended up at my door. I took it to her yesterday morning, and we ended up hanging out—" He paused, swallowing hard as his mind drifted to what had happened that night, but he quickly pushed the thought aside. "Anyway, she texted me to come over again, but then I got called in for the case. So, yeah, she’s just been on my mind."

Spencer winced as a loud squeal erupted from the phone, quickly followed by the sound of enthusiastic clapping.

“Spencer! That’s adorable! What’s her name?”

“Nope. Not a chance. I know you’ll look her up and start stalking her!” Spencer protested as he pulled into the parking garage. “Look, I just got here, so I’ll see you when we get back. Please keep this between us for now, alright? I don’t need everyone hounding me about it while we have a case to focus on.”

Penelope groaned dramatically but gave in, sighing in playful annoyance. “Ugh, fine, lover boy. You just ruined all my fun,” she grumbled. “Be safe, my sweet angel, and tell Derek to call me when you guys land!”

Spencer finished the call and hung up, swiftly typing out a message to send to Y/N before he had to go in. His thumbs clumsily pressed the buttons as he hurried, letting out an annoyed sigh as he fumbled with his flip-phone. He’d never been a fan of modern technology, but if getting a new phone meant it would be easier to talk to her, he’d consider it.

Good morning! I hope you slept well. Apologies for the late response. I’d love to come over, but unfortunately, I’ve been called in for a case. Would you still like me to come by once I get back?

Spencer gave a nod to himself, hit send, then gathered his things and stepped out of the car.

Y/N paused when she heard her phone ding, toothbrush still in her mouth. She quickly finished brushing, swishing mouthwash as she walked to her room to grab her phone. Returning to the bathroom, she spat out the mouthwash before finally glancing at the waiting text.

A small giggle fell from her lips as she read Spencer’s message, leaning back against the sink as she responded.

Of course, Spencer. Only if you want to :) xoxo

He texted like an old man (which wasn't surprising, considering his wardrobe). She thought it was charming. She placed her phone on the bathroom counter and stepped toward the shower to start the water, a smile still playing on her lips from his message.

A content sigh fell from her lips once she stepped into the hot stream of water, letting the water relax her tight muscles.

As her soapy hands began to wander her body, her mind wandered back to Spencer and just how deliciously pathetic he’d looked stroking himself to the sight of her. Honestly, Y/N had worried she’d scared the poor guy with her message after he’d watched her the night before, so seeing his text was a relief. Now, she just had to wait for him to return from his case—and then he’d finally be all hers.

The week crawled by, each day stretching on painfully, leaving both of them restless and longing for each other's company.

Each night when Y/N came home, she’d glance out of her curtains, hoping to see that Spencer had returned, only to let out a quiet sigh when she found he hadn’t. She couldn’t remember ever being this excited to see someone before. Something about Spencer had her completely hooked—not just his looks, but the man behind them. After spending time with him, she was eager to uncover more about the sweet, brilliant person who lived across from her.

Another four days went by before the text she’d been waiting for finally came through.

Hey pretty girl, we just landed so I’ll be home in about an hour. Are you up for some company?

Y/N arched a brow as she read the message, re-reading it a few times to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating. That didn’t sound like Spencer at all… but she was too eager for him to come over to worry about it now. She’d figure out who actually sent it when he arrived.

With a small grin, Y/N typed her reply, then set her phone down to get ready and tidy up her apartment.

“Morgan! Come on! Are you serious?” Spencer griped, swatting at the man in an attempt to grab his phone back. “What did you say to her?”

Penelope had (accidentally) let it slip to Morgan that Spencer was, in her words, "dating but not dating this super cute girl who lives across from him." Naturally, she’d ignored his requests for privacy, tracked down the tenant list for Y/N’s building, and found her online after figuring out she was the one. So, when Morgan glanced over Spencer's shoulder and saw the carefully composed message he’d written, he snatched the phone and sent something entirely different.

“Relax, kid! I’m just helping you out. You’re going to scare her off if you keep talking to her like a geezer,” Morgan chuckled, tossing him back his phone before standing from his seat and stretching. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

Spencer sighed, shaking his head in frustration before unlocking his phone to check the message. He cringed at what Morgan had sent, but then his heart skipped a beat as he read Y/N’s reply.

Come over whenever you’re ready, pretty boy. I can’t wait to see you. :)

Spencer’s face flushed as he brushed off the curious looks from the team, eager to get off the jet and head home to drop his stuff off—then straight to Y/N’s. A mix of nervousness and excitement churned inside him, his hands trembling as he started the drive home. It felt surreal to him, knowing not only that she was excited to see him, but that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

A firm knock at the door pulled Y/N’s attention from the couch, a bright smile spreading across her face as she jumped up to answer it. "Coming!" she called, quickly unlocking the door. When she opened it, Spencer stood there, looking a bit nervous and holding a bag of takeout from her favorite diner.

"Oh, Spencer," she murmured, her gaze softening as she noticed the bag. "You’re so sweet! You didn’t have to get dinner—I was planning to order something when you got here." She stepped aside to let him in, closing the door behind him and taking the bag from his hand so he could slip off his coat.

Spencer waved it off with a sheepish grin as he followed her into the kitchen. "I wanted to," he said. "I noticed you ordered from them a lot and thought it would be a nice surprise." His eyes widened in panic. "Not that I’ve been, like, stalking you or anything! And, um, I'm sorry if I didn’t pick the right thing. I can run back and grab something else—"

“Spencer.”

Y/N sat down the plates she'd gotten out for them and silenced his nervous rambling by gently cupping his cheeks. Spencer froze mid-sentence, his mouth slightly open as he looked down at her. She smiled up at him, softly stroking her thumb along his cheekbone.

“You did perfect, sweetheart,” she reassured him, her gaze flicking to his lips for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “It was so thoughtful of you to pick up dinner. I'm sure I'll enjoy whatever you ordered. Thank you.”

Spencer swallowed, his heart pounding at the feel of her hands on his face. He drew in a deep breath, steadying himself before he whispered, “Of course.”

Y/N smiled, brushing her hand over his cheek one last time before turning back to plate the food, which looked and smelled delicious. Once she finished, she headed to the fridge, glancing back at Spencer. "Wine, water, or soda?"

"Water, please. Thank you."

Nodding, Y/N poured herself a glass of wine and then filled one with water for him. They walked into the living room, both of them buzzing with anticipation for what was to come later. They sat side by side, enjoying the warmth that came from being pressed together as they began to eat.

"So," Y/N started, laughing softly before continuing. "Who texted me from your phone earlier today? Unless the grandfather ghost inhabiting your body decided to take a rain check."

Spencer groaned in embarrassment, chuckling awkwardly as he glanced at her. "Sorry about that… that was my co-worker, Derek. And best friend too. He accused me of 'talking to you like a geezer' and decided to try and do better himself."

Y/N laughed even harder, putting her fork down to take a sip of her wine before replying. "I knew it wasn’t you!" she said with a triumphant grin, then paused, a new realization dawning on her. "You talk about me to your team?"

Spencer hesitated, finishing his bite slowly before taking a drink and nodding. "Sort of… I told Penelope about you, and then she mentioned it to Derek. I’m sorry—i-is that okay?" His fingers pushed his glasses up, a nervous habit of his.

It was more than okay. A giddy feeling rushed through her at the idea of him talking about her to his co-workers, recalling how he'd mentioned during their first hangout how much he valued them. She nodded, nudging him with her shoulder gently.

“You apologize too much, Spence. It’s totally fine. If anything, I’m flattered,” she admitted with a grin.

It didn’t take long for them to finish eating. Once the plates were cleared and placed in the sink, Y/N turned to Spencer, a small smirk playing on her lips. Spencer swallowed, leaning back against the counter, his eyes locked on her with a mix of curiosity as she began to speak.

"Do you watch every girl you're interested in through their window? Or am I just special?"

Her tone was playful, not angry or accusatory, but Spencer still tensed, stumbling over his words as he tried to explain himself.

"I swear I didn’t mean to come off as creepy or anything," Spencer stammered. "It’s just… from the moment I met you in the library, you were so captivating. And when I found out you lived across from me, I couldn’t help myself—"

Y/N's gaze softened as she realized just how nervous he actually was, and she took a step forward, shushing him with a finger to his lips.

"Spence, hey. Look at me, sweetheart,” she murmured, her arms loosely wrapping around his neck. She waited until their eyes met, then continued, her fingers gently twisting the hair at the nape of his neck. “I was just teasing. I wanted you to watch. That’s why I left my curtains open.”

Spencer’s eyes widened at her admission, a shaky sigh escaping his lips as he recalled every time she’d left her curtains open. All this time, she had wanted him to watch. The realization sent a strange warmth through him, and he carefully placed his hands on her waist.

“So, was the package at my door part of your plan too?” he breathed, his expression a blend of lust and adoration as he looked down at her.

Y/N's answer came in the form of a nod and a smug grin. Spencer chuckled, his nerves easing the longer he held her in his arms.

"I didn’t think you’d ever make a move, so I decided to take matters into my own hands," she said softly, still grinning as she met his gaze, mirroring the admiration in his eyes.

Spencer wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer. “Is it wrong to say I’m glad you did?” he murmured, his hands gently caressing her lower back through her shirt. “You’re just… perfect. I was afraid you wouldn’t even give me the time of day if I’d tried to.”

Y/N’s mouth fell open in surprise, her brows furrowing as she tilted her head. “Are you serious?” she asked incredulously, letting her hands slide to rest on his shoulders as she leaned back in his embrace. “Spencer, I adore you. You could’ve asked me out in the library, right then, after just thirty seconds of knowing each other, and I would’ve said yes without a second thought. You really don’t give yourself enough credit.”

She tilted her head up, brushing her nose against his, continuing before he could speak. "Let me show you just how incredible I think you are. Please?"

Spencer sucked in a sharp breath, his heart racing at her words. It was exactly what he wanted, more than anything. But he hesitated, his mouth working as he fought to find the right words.

"I'm a virgin!" he not-so-eloquently blurted out instead.

Y/N's head jerked back, blinking hard as she processed his words. Had she heard him right?

"Wait... what did you just say?"

Spencer blushed hard, averting his gaze to the ground as he repeated himself.

"I'm a virgin."

It was Y/N’s turn to suck in a sharp breath, the admission arousing her more than she’d care to admit. She rubbed his shoulders gently before using one of her hands to guide his face back to hers, her gaze earnest as she looked at him.

“Honey, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. We don’t have to do anything at all—“

Spencer shook his head vigorously at that, a low whine emitting from his throat as he pressed his forehead to hers. “I want to do everything with you. I want to more than anything, I swear! I-I just… I don’t want it to be bad for you,” he whispered, unnecessary shame lacing his words.

“Spencer… sweetheart, it would never be bad for me as long as I’m with you,” Y/N whispered, her voice warm and steady. “I don’t want you to feel pressured, babe. Honestly, we could just curl up on the couch, watch a movie, or talk. I love talking with you, about anything.”

Spencer’s heart swelled at her words. No one had ever told him they truly enjoyed his company before, nor had anyone ever shown such genuine affection or concern for his emotions. It was a feeling he hadn’t known he was missing.

“I’m more than sure, Y/N. Please?” he mumbled, his grip on her hips tightening slightly. “I-I want to make you feel good.”

She paused, her eyes closing as she carefully considered her next move. After a long breath, Y/N gave a small nod, then pulled away from him completely.

“Follow me, then.”

Spencer hurried after her, nearly stumbling over his own feet in his eagerness to keep up. Once they reached her bedroom, Y/N shut the door and turned to face him, leaving him standing in the middle of her dimly lit room. He glanced around, almost in disbelief, as if he couldn’t quite believe he was really here—standing in her room and not caught in some dream.

“Bet it feels different being in here rather than just looking in,” Y/N teased, stepping closer to him.

“Very. I’m still waiting for the cameraman to jump out and tell me it’s all a prank.”

A soft laugh escaped her, and she shook her head with a smirk. “Sorry to disappoint, but that’s not happening. No prank, sweetheart,” she hummed, her eyes catching the way his gaze swept over her, full of unspoken desire.

Y/N smirked as she took another step forward, urging Spencer backward until the backs of his knees hit her mattress. She reached up, pushing down gently on his shoulders until he gingerly sat on the bed, looking up at her with wide eyes as she moved to straddle his lap. Her fingers carded through his hair, tugging gently and eliciting a whimper from him as she cocked her head.

“Quit looking at me like that,” she murmured, scratching her nails gently against his scalp.

A shiver ran down Spencer’s spine, his brows furrowing at her words. He shifted underneath her, resting his shaking hands on her hips. His tongue poked out to wet his lips, and he didn’t miss the way her eyes darkened at the sight.

“Like what?”

“Like you want me to ruin you.”

Y/N’s words lingered in the air, their breaths the only sound breaking the stillness. The tension between them was electric, each waiting for the other to break first. Finally, Spencer did, his voice barely a whisper as he spoke.

“That’s exactly what I want you to do.”

The slight tremble in his voice and the doe-eyed look he sported were all it took for Y/N’s resolve to crumble completely.

With a low groan, her lips crashed onto his. Their mouths melded together, the small whine bubbling in Spencer’s throat encouraging her to kiss him even harder. His hands reached up to cradle her face, matching her intensity as their lips moved together.

It wasn’t what she’d expected at all.

Spencer didn’t kiss her like the shy, hesitant man from earlier. Instead, his kiss was fiery, almost desperate, as though he wanted to drown in her and never resurface. And she found herself wanting exactly the same.

Y/N’s hands wandered from his hair down his chest, letting her fingertips dip beneath the hem of his shirt as their tongues brushed together. Her nails gently dragged along the soft skin there, and she felt his erection twitch from where it was firmly pressed to her core. Spencer whimpered, breaking their kiss with a soft gasp as he looked up at her pleadingly.

“Please,” he panted, his hands reaching for her hips to pull her down into him. Y/N rolled her hips against his, moaning lowly at the friction. She repeated the action once before stopping her movements, climbing off of him despite his protests with one simple command.

"Take off your clothes, Spence."

He complied immediately, scrambling to stand and strip out of his clothes. His fingers fumbled as he worked at his tie, his focus stuck on her as she undressed before him. A frustrated groan left his lips as he finally yanked the tie off, his hands moving too slowly for his own liking.

Y/N arched a brow, chuckling at his irritated noise as she stepped out of her pants. She reached up to stop his hands, beginning to unbutton his shirt herself. "What's got you so worked up, hm? It's not like it's anything you haven't seen before," she purred, sliding her hands under the fabric and slipping it off of him.

The shirt hit the ground with a muted thump, and her eyes roamed over his newly exposed skin hungrily. Spencer whined at her teasing, letting his hands roam up and down her sides as she worked on getting his pants off.

"I could see you like this an infinite amount of times, and it would still take my breath away every time," he murmured, his hands gently squeezing her hips.

A faint pink spread across her cheeks at his words, and she lifted her face to place a soft kiss on his lips, a silent thank you. No one had ever made her feel as treasured as Spencer did. He gazed at her with a devotion that felt almost reverent, as though she were someone to be worshipped—and he longed to be the one to worship her.

Which was highly ironic, considering she was the one sinking to her knees the second his pants pooled around his ankles.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Spencer's voice raised pitch as she steadied herself with her hands on his thighs, looking down at her with wide eyes, pushing his glasses back up his nose as they threatened to slip down from the angle.

"What does it look like I'm doing, sweetheart?" Y/N murmured, leaning forward to press an open-mouthed kiss to his hip. "I want your pretty cock down my throat. You okay with that?"

The sound Spencer made was almost pained, his fists clenching at his sides as he struggled to figure out what to do with his hands. His mouth parted, a stutter escaping him before he finally gave in, nodding instead. His cock twitched in his boxers, aching to feel her touch.

"Words, baby. Use your words."

Y/N's lips skimmed across his navel, peppering kisses along the smattering of hair there as she waited for his response.

"God—yes! I'm okay with that," Spencer whined, his hips bucking forward instinctively from her touch. "Please... please touch me—"

Y/N couldn't deny such sweet begging. It would be downright cruel if she did.

Her fingers found the waistband of his boxers, tugging them down slowly. She kept her eyes locked on his, carefully assessing his every reaction to ensure there was no trace of doubt before proceeding. When she saw none, she swiftly yanked them down the rest of the way, letting them pool around his ankles with his pants.

Spencer gasped as the chill of her bedroom air met his warm skin, goosebumps spreading across his arms as he fought the urge to shy away from her gaze. He never thought that highly of himself in the physical aspect— all lean muscles, lanky limbs, and pale skin spattered with freckles and a few random scars. But his insecurities faded the moment he heard her breath catch, her eyes filled with admiration as they lingered on him.

"You're so beautiful, Spencer," Y/N breathed, bringing a hand up to grip him gently. "So, so beautiful."

Her mouth was on him before he could respond.

A keening sound filled the room as he watched in pure awe as she dragged her tongue up and down the length of him slowly before her lips wrapped around the flushed head of his cock, a spark of pleasure shooting up his spine as his hands flexed by his side. She sucked gently, swirling her tongue around the tip before pulling off of him to speak.

"Don't be afraid to hold onto me, sweetheart. Go ahead."

Spencer's hands immediately came up to cradle the back of her head, finding purchase as she returned to what she was doing. The sight of her on her knees and taking the length of him into her mouth had his knees almost buckling. It was something he'd dreamed about for nights on end, but now that it was actually happening, he didn't know what to do with himself.

"F-fuck—" He whimpered, his eyes squeezing shut to prevent himself from cumming right then and there.

All he'd ever experienced before was his own hand (and occasionally some desperate humping against his mattress), so the feeling of her mouth around him was otherworldly. Just when he thought it was safe to open his eyes again, Y/N smirked around her mouthful and pushed her head down to take him in completely.

"Oh—!" Spencer cried out as he hit the back of her throat, jolting and stumbling backward and falling out of her mouth with a slick 'pop'. His chest heaved as he reached down to grip himself tightly, staving off his orgasm. He didn't want to cum yet. Not this quickly.

"I-I'm sorry, it just felt too... too good—"

Y/N gently stroked his trembling thighs, pressing a kiss beneath his belly button before rising to her feet. She shushed his stammered apologies with a kiss on his forehead, caressing his face as he caught his breath. His face was flushed, both from embarrassment and arousal, and the sight was more endearing than it should have been.

"You have nothing to apologize for, sweetheart. Absolutely nothing," she whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips before turning to crawl onto her bed. “Get up here, baby,” she crooned as she laid back against her pillows, patting the spot beside her.

Spencer almost tripped over his pants in his haste to follow after her, kicking the fabric away before he kneeled onto the mattress, smiling meekly at Y/N as she watched in amusement. "I w-want—" Spencer paused as he watched her lean forward so she could unclasp her bra, completely enraptured. "I want to taste you. Please?"

Desire coursed through her at his words, searing through her veins as she met his gaze. She loved how pretty the word please sounded falling from his kiss-swollen lips. She slipped free from her bra, tossing it to the ground before answering his pleading.

"Go ahead, baby. Take whatever you want—I want you to have it all."

Spencer swallowed hard at that, a small grin playing on his lips as he moved forward to settle between her spread legs. He kneeled between them, taking off his glasses and setting them on her nightstand before lowering himself to hover over her. He bumped his nose against hers, his grin widening as he moved to tentatively kiss along the side of her neck.

Y/N moaned at the feeling, tangling her fingers into his tousled strands. He continued, trailing his kisses down the slope of her shoulder before pausing to suck a small mark into her skin, relishing in the soft noises falling from her lips. Once he was satisfied with his mark, he brought his lips down to mouth along her breast, laving his tongue over the taut bud of her nipple.

"Spence—" she whimpered as he closed his lips around the hardened peak, suckling with a low groan that rumbled against her skin. She tugged at his hair, pulling him impossibly closer. "Feels so good, sweetheart."

Spencer hummed, pulling off her breast after a moment and switching to the other to give it the same treatment. Y/N whined, arching into his touch as he began to move down her body. What he may have lacked in physical experience, he more than compensated for with knowledge.

Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't a prude. He'd read plenty of erotic novels, as well as countless books all centered around the female anatomy and how to inflict the most pleasure so that he could at least pretend to feel prepared for his first time. It seemed to be paying off, though, if the noises she made were any indication of how he was doing.

Spencer's hands came up to rest on her hips as he settled on his stomach between her thighs, hissing softly when his erection pressed into the mattress. His eyes met hers, and the clouded look in her eyes was all the encouragement he needed.

"God, you're soaked," he whispered in astonishment as his finger traced the damp spot in the front of her panties, causing a breathy chuckle to slip from her lips.

"How could I not be?"

Spencer blushed, leaning down to kiss her inner thigh before pulling the fabric down her legs. His breath hitched at the sight of her glistening pussy, fully on display for him without the barrier of their windows in his way. Any coherent thought that was swirling around in his head vanished, replaced with an urgent need to taste her. He moved without thinking as he latched his mouth onto her eagerly, groaning against her slick skin as he began to lap at her hungrily.

"Fuck! Spencer—" Y/N cried out, her grip on his hair tightening at the unexpected pleasure. Her head tipped back against her pillows as her hips writhed under his ministrations, rolling against his mouth as he devoured her.

There was little to no technique— just pure, unbridled enthusiasm. But it felt so good that she didn't care. He alternated between sucking at her clit and thrusting his tongue into her, needy moans slipping from his lips the entire time he did.

"Fingers, baby—" she gasped, biting her lower lip harshly to stifle a loud moan. "Use your fingers, too."

Spencer didn't need to be told twice. He pulled away from her, licking the taste of her from his lips as he brought two fingers up to her entrance. He focused his gaze on her face as he pushed them inside of her, his mouth hanging open and soft breaths panting against her skin as he began to thrust them.

"Like this?"

His tone wasn't cocky or arrogant. It was curious, like he was genuinely invested in finding out what felt the best for her. She nodded, a choked moan slipping from her lips as he grazed against that rough patch of nerves inside of her that had her hips thrashing.

Spencer watched in fascination for a moment before bringing his head back down, his eyes fluttering shut as he began to trace her clit with his tongue. His hips rocked instinctively against the bed, grinding against it in a desperate attempt to find some relief for his aching cock as he brought her closer and closer to her climax.

"Spence—" Y/N whimpered, her hands falling from his hair to grip the sheets as she clenched around his fingers. "I-I'm cumming—"

Spencer groaned against her, doubling his efforts so he could watch her fall apart on his fingers. With a soft cry, Y/N came hard, her eyes squeezing shut as she trembled underneath him. He continued his movements, pumping his fingers into her gently until she was whining and wriggling away from his touch.

Spencer watched her in awe, kneading her thighs and hips to help her come down from her high.

"C'mere," she panted after a few minutes, finally opening her eyes to look up at him as he moved to hover above her.

A proud grin made its way to Spencer's face as he obeyed, resting on his forearms as he looked down at her. The hazy look in her eyes made his heart race, knowing that he was the cause of it doing more for his ego than he cared to admit. She returned his grin, leaning up to kiss him softly and tasting herself on his tongue.

"You did so good, sweetheart. Such a good boy for me," she mumbled against his lips.

She broke the kiss to press on his shoulders, rolling them over so she straddled him once more. A lazy smirk adorned her lips as he looked up at her, his pupils so dilated that the soft brown of his eyes was indiscernible. She began to rock her hips against his aching cock, a sigh slipping from her lips as her folds dragged over him.

Spencer moaned lowly at the friction, bringing his hands up to palm at her ass as she continued her movements. His fingers dug into her flesh as she spoke, but he didn't hear a single word she said as he kept his gaze locked on where her pussy was gliding along his length.

"Hey," Y/N cooed, patting his cheek gently to guide his eyes back to hers. "Eyes on me, sweetheart."

Spencer whined, his hips bucking underneath hers in an attempt to bring back the delicious friction that had been taken away when she lifted her hips. "I-I'm sorry. I wasn't listening," Spencer mumbled sheepishly, his face flushed as he held her gaze.

Y/N chuckled, tutting in mock disappointment as she gripped his chin. "I know you weren't," she muttered with an arched brow before continuing. "I was asking if you wanted to use a condom or not. I'm clean and—"

"No condom!"

Y/N jumped, startled. The urgency in his voice sent a wave of warmth through her as she eyed him in amusement, enjoying the bashful look that immediately appeared on his face after his exclamation. Spencer cleared his throat, attempting to regain some of his dignity.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to borderline shout that," Spencer said softly, his voice cracking slightly. "I just— I want to feel you, please. Without a condom in the way, preferably."

The grin that spread across her face could only be described as salacious as she nodded, cradling his face before leaning in for a tender kiss.

"No condom it is, then."

Y/N shifted up onto her knees, reaching between them to align him with her entrance before pausing when he spoke up.

"I— um... C-can I be on top of you instead?" he whispered, looking up at her with nervous eyes.

Her gaze softened at the sight, and she nodded immediately. "Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you want, remember?" She murmured with a fond smile, rolling off of him to lay back against the pillows.

Spencer thanked her quietly, moving to hover above her once more. His body trembled as he propped up on one arm, reaching down to line himself up with her once more. She cradled his face, stroking her thumb along his cheekbone reassuringly. He took a deep breath to steady himself before pushing forward, sinking into her.

The feeling of her tight walls wrapping around him had him keening while she moaned just as loudly in return, dropping his head into the crook of her neck as he sucked in desperate, shaky breaths. He'd never experienced pleasure so overwhelming before. He was honestly convinced he'd died right there in her arms, pressing sloppy kisses to her skin just to prove to himself that he was, in fact, still alive.

"God— feels so good," he began to babble, moaning softly as he pulled his hips back slightly before thrusting forward again. "So tight... so wet— fuck!"

Y/N dug her nails into his shoulders, whimpering as he thrusted into her again, this time a little harder. "That's it, Spence," she panted, encouraging him to begin really moving. "You feel so good, baby. So fucking deep."

Spencer's hips jerked at that, his head dropping back into the crook of her neck as he began to drive into her in short, jagged thrusts. Moans slipped freely from his lips, mingling with hers as their bodies moved in tandem.

It didn't take long before the familiar tightening in his stomach came back, but he was too lost in the pleasure to stop. The feeling of Y/N around him was addictive. He seeked solace in her walls, rutting into her like a man possessed now as he sang her his praises against her skin. His hips stuttered as he lifted his head up, crashing his lips onto hers in a messy kiss as his hips pounded against hers even harder.

"Gonna— cum, fuck, I'm cumming—"

Spencer cried out against her lips, burying himself as deep inside of her as he could before filling her with rope after rope of his release. A pitiful noise fell from his lips as he broke the kiss, his eyes wide as he gawked down at her. His hips stopped moving, but before he could speak, Y/N was looping her arms around his neck and pulling him down.

“Did I say you could stop fucking me, Spencer?” Y/N’s voice was taunting in his ear, her nails digging into his shoulders as she wrapped her legs around his waist to keep him in place.

Spencer’s brows pinched together as confusion washed over him, and his arms trembled as he struggled to remain hovering above her. His cock twitched inside of her as she canted her hips up, causing him to hiss softly from the overstimulation. His lower lip wobbled as he stared at her with a half-dazed, half-pleading look.

"W-what?"

“You greedy boy,” Y/N purred as she rolled her hips again. She smirked at the whimper he let out before tilting her head to skim her lips across his. “Don’t you want to feel me cum on your cock? Hm?”

Spencer shuddered at her words, chasing helplessly after her lips. He whined petulantly when she tilted her head, keeping him from succeeding in getting his kiss.

“I do,” Spencer whimpered, nodding fervently. “I wanna feel it so bad,” he groaned, his words beginning to slur from the pleasure coursing through him from head to toe.

“Then keep fucking me, sweetheart.”

A determined look crossed over his face, his brows knitting together as he shifted up onto his knees and pulled her hips up before thrusting forward. The change in angles had her crying out as he brushed against her sweet spot, and he grunted as he began to rock into her slowly, pushing past the sweet sting of overstimulation. He tightened his grip on her hip with one hand while his other moved to where they were connected, rubbing small, sloppy circles against her clit as he began moving with a purpose.

“Mm—“ Y/N groaned out, her eyes threatening to close as she struggled to keep them focused on his face. “Just like that, Spence. Ah—!“

The sound of his hips snapping against hers paired with the slick, crude sound of him fucking his cum back into her had his head lolling back, a guttural moan rumbling in his throat.

His hips were relentless, chasing her pleasure more so than his own now. It was messy and borderline feral—their mixed arousal coated his pelvis and her thighs and one of the corners of the sheets had come up from Y/N yanking at them. But neither of them could find it in themselves to care.

“Cum for me, Y/N,” Spencer begged, shifting her legs up onto his shoulders and clinging to her thighs as he drove into her. “Please—wanna feel you cum on my cock… I need it—“

The sound of his pleading hurled her over the edge. Y/N’s nails nearly tore through the sheets as her eyes squeezed shut, cry after cry of his name falling from her open mouth as she came around him. Her body trembled from the force of her orgasm, her walls clenching so tightly around him that it triggered his second climax unexpectedly.

“Oh my God— oh— fuck!” Spencer wailed, devolving into a series of whimpers as he spilled everything he had into her.

After a moment of ragged breathing, he turned to press a kiss to her ankle before easing her limp legs off of his shoulders and to the bed. Y/N stroked his hair with shaky hands as he crumpled over on top of her, their bodies warm and damp with sweat. Their chests were heaving as they struggled to catch their breath, with Y/N whispering into his hair how good he did and how perfect he’d made her feel.

They stayed curled up for a while, but eventually, the stickiness became too much to ignore. They both stumbled into her bathroom—both for a quick shower and for Y/N to pee to avoid a UTI. After changing the sheets, they returned to her bed, and Y/N turned away to switch off the lamp, leaving them wrapped in the peaceful darkness.

“Does this mean you’re my girlfriend now?” Spencer asked, a shy grin on his face as she turned back to him, snuggling into his embrace as he pulled her closer.

Y/N huffed out a soft, sleepy laugh, nodding against him. “If you want me to be, sweetheart,” she murmured, her voice heavy with exhaustion as her eyelids fluttered shut.

“Of course I want you to,” Spencer replied, his words followed by a small yawn as sleep started to take hold of him too.

“Looks like it’s official then. I’m your girlfriend, you’re my boyfriend. Now, get some rest, my sweet boy.”

It wasn’t until the following evening, after a full day spent with Y/N on their first official date—a trip to the museum and lunch at his favorite restaurant—that he noticed something tucked into his pocket. A giddy grin spread across Spencer’s face as he unfolded the lacy pink panties, a small note tucked inside that read: For you to take on your next case. ;) xoxo - Y/N.

Spencer glanced down at the fabric in his hands, a soft chuckle escaping him as he silently thanked whatever force had made her the one to fill the vacant apartment across from his.

Continued A/N’s and tag list!! <3: Big big thank you to everyone that enjoyed part one and came back to read part two :’) And thank you to everyone that wanted to be tagged!! If you guys would like for me to start doing an official tag list, please let me know :’) <3 @halfbloodwriter , @opheliahotchner , @mothgrrrl666 , @silver138, @elliet1ou

REMINDER: I do not give permission for my work to be re-uploaded to any other platforms (c.ai, Tiktok, ao3, etc.) under any circumstances. If you'd like to translate my work, then please just ask me before doing so. I know it sounds whiny, but I (as well as many other fanfic writers) spend so much time on these and it's genuinely not okay to take credit for work that isn't yours. It's insulting and completely unnecessary. If I do see my work uploaded anywhere without explicit permission, I WILL say something.

[curiosity-killed]

Photo shoots are fun on their own but honestly some of the best parts are just Public Interacting With a Ballerina instances

[uniquexusposts]

Her Driver, His Boss - C. Leclerc

Summary: After the Dutch Grand Prix, Verstappen invites his friends over to a bar in Amsterdam. Y/n, the new team principal of Ferrari, and Charles are attending the party and grow closer to each other durning the night.

Max Verstappen private: Are you almost there yet?

Y/n privé: Almost! Just getting out of the metro

When she heard the announcer say they've arrived at 'De Pijp' she stood up and waited for the metro to stop. Along with some F1 fans, who just came back from Zandvoort, she stepped out of the metro and took the escalator upstairs. She checked out with her debit card and walked out of the metro station. Luckily for Y/n, the fans didn't seem to recognize her. She was the team principal of Ferrari after all. While walking towards the bar where she was supposed to meet with Max, she looked around and took in the typical architecture of Amsterdam.

After a short walk, she saw the bar and made her way to the entrance. A man stood next to the door and he eyed her up and down. A slightly uncomfortable feeling washed over her and she tried to shake off the feeling. He had a drink in his hand and a cigarette in his other hand.

"Y/n?" he said.

"Yes?" she answered, slightly unsure. She didn't know how to respond correctly.

"Great, come on in," he told her and he laughed. "I just had to make sure that you aren't a fan."

Y/n smiled as well. This man was probably a bouncer that Max had hired to ensure no fans would disturb his night out after the race. She opened the door and stepped into a hallway and after opening the next door, she was welcomed with the music and the chatter from the people inside. Before she had the time to properly look around, a piercing scream filled her ears.

"Y/n!"

Many people looked at the entrance, to see Y/n looking like she wished the ground would swallow her up. Charles was one of those people who looked at her, the shout by Max' engineer, and Y/n's former colleague, GP pulled him out of his conversation with Pierre Gasly. He recognised his team principal and turned his head back to Pierre to finish his sentence. However, the image of Y/n in a dress, made him forget all the words and he had to look back at her.

There she stood, smiling widely and pointing at GP. She rolled her eyes, took off her blazer and made her way to him. Charles' eyes kept following her. This was the first time he saw her in a dress. The dress hugged her curves perfectly. The light green colour fitted her skin tone and her light coloured hair - which was now in a loose braid which resulted in an exposed neck. She had never looked like this before.

Pierre looked besides Charles and followed his eye sight to see who took Charles' attention. A smirk grew on Pierre's lips when he saw her. He looked back at Charles; a soft look glazed in his eyes. "Hello," Pierre said and punched Charles' shoulder.

"What the fuck," Charles mumbled and he glanced at Pierre.

"Are you going to finish your story or what?" Pierre grinned.

Charles rolled his eyes and punched Pierre back, he tried to remember the conversation they just had, so that he could continue the conversation.

On the other side of the room, Y/n had finally found her friend Max and they were having a gin and tonic together. The whole place was crowded with drivers, colleagues and other people who were important to Max. Y/n had to raise her voice at Max to make herself heard.

"Where did you find all these people?" Y/n asked with a smile on her face.

"Oh, most of them are paid actors," Max casually said and he took a sip of his cocktail.

Y/n shook her head. "Who is the most expensive?"

"You."

"When can I expect the payment?"

"You receive my love; that's enough," he replied. He wrapped his arm around Y/n's neck, bringing her closer to him, and kissed her cheek.

A laugh rolled over her lips and right at that moment, a photo was made of them. Gemma stepped towards the two friends and showed the picture on her phone.

"This is so cute!" Y/n yelled enthusiastically and looked at Max.

The corners of Max' mouth were about to curl up, but he straightened his face on purpose. "I've seen cuter photos of us before," he said and walked away, welcoming the next guest. While he walked away, he looked over his shoulder and smirked at Y/n and Gemma.

Gemma's jaw dropped and looked in disbelief at Y/n.

Y/n squeezed her eyebrows together and looked at Gemma while bursting into laughter. "What a fucking dickhead," she laughed.

"I..." Gemma looked perplexed. Y/n figured out that Gemma already had a few drinks in. "A huge dickhead, jeez man." She put her phone away and hugged Y/n tightly. "Where is your juichcape?"

"My what?"

"Juichcape? That orange cape with a lion on it? That thing you wore today before the race?"

"Ooo, yeah, Ferrari took it from me, party poopers," Y/n playfully smiled.

Gemma frowned. "That is ridiculous. I hope you will get it back and wear it at Monza."

A laugh rolled over Y/n's lips. "We will see."

As the evening progressed, the atmosphere in the bar grew livelier with each passing moment. Y/n found herself caught up in the whirlwind of conversations, laughter and the occasional clinking of glasses. At the beginning, she stayed with the same group; GP, Gemma and Max, who had a pitstop at the group every now and then. Later on, she bumped into familiar faces from the grid, moved through the crowd, exchanged greetings and engaged in light-hearted conversations. For a moment, she had forgotten that she was a team principal; she was just Y/n.

Y/n walked past the bar and kitchen to the toilets. There was peace - as far as possible. The banter was in the distance. Y/n washed her hands and looked in the mirror, the baby hairs around her skin started the curl up, to her annoyance. A sigh left her mouth and she tried to smoothen the hairs, but she realised it wouldn't do anything to her hair since water would only make it worse and without any product it wouldn't do anything. But whatever, she thought, she didn't have to look at it.

Her eyes shot up in the mirror when someone walked behind her. "Oh, hey," she smiled and turned around.

Charles stopped walking and looked over his shoulder. "Hey," he smiled.

"I didn't know you were here," she mentioned.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Small bar, but so many people."

Y/n chuckled and agreed with him. Charles stepped into the men's bathroom. Y/n turned back to the mirror and took a deep breath: 'I didn't know you were here', an enthusiastic move. Disappointedly, she put on some tinted lip balm and was about to go back when Charles stepped out of the bathroom.

"Max surely knows how to throw a party," Charles said and washed his hands. "Is it a party?" He looked at Y/n.

"It's a party, but I get what you mean," she replied. When someone said a party, she would think of a birthday party, but this was a casual party in a local, modern, typical bar in Amsterdam. "I like this bar, it's so typical Amsterdam." They weren't in an old brown bar, but more the modern version of it. If she remembered it correctly, it used to be a brewery.

He nodded and dried his hands. "It is surely different from Monaco," he agreed. "How do they do it in Denmark?"

"Monaco is fancy, huh?" A playful smile played on her lips. Charles rolled his eyes. "Copenhagen has the same vibes, but I like it more there." They walked back to the bar. "Have you ever been to Denmark?"

They were welcomed by a lot of noise again; people who were talking, laughing and some music.

"Do you have something to drink?" Charles asked, almost raising his voice. He didn't wait for an answer. "What do you want?"

Y/n read the menu above the bar. "I will take a Radler." Charles nodded and went to the bar to order a Radler for Y/n and a glass of white wine for himself. "Thanks," she smiled when Charles handed her the beer with lemonade. They moved through the people towards the back of the space.

"Sante," Charles said.

"Skål," Y/n said and clinked her glass against his.

He took a sip. "But I have never been to Denmark. I've been to Finland, though."

A chuckle left her mouth. "Yeah, but that's not Denmark. It's far from Denmark." She took another sip from her beer. "I've never been to Monaco, but I've been to France," she cheekily said and winked.

"But you have bee- oh, come on, Y/n. Don't be ridiculous."

"Don't call out the wrong counties."

Their conversation flowed effortlessly, punctuated by shared jokes and teasing. Even though they shared their love for racing, they didn't talk about it. They were interested in each other. Being in an unfamiliar, non motorsport area - besides being surrounded by people of motorsport, gave them the shot to get to know each other on a different level. Unnoticeably, Charles stepped closer to Y/n to hear her more properly. The music became louder, which caused everyone to raise their voice to make themselves understandable. Y/n leaned in to him when she shared her words and to listen to her words. Her arm touched his arm and he sometimes felt an electric shock through their arms. Y/n looked down when she felt her cheeks heating up, because she realised what was happening. She bit her lip and placed a lost piece of hair behind her ear.

"Hello."

Y/n looked up and Kevin Magnussen, her Danish friend on the grid, was standing in front of her and Charles. The shy look on her face changed to a confused, but surprised look. "Hej."

"I'm gonna steal her from you," Kevin informed Charles while smiling. His eyes shot from Charles to Y/n, who couldn't hide her blushes, Y/n followed Kevin to the bar, where they both ordered sparkling water. "How much did you drink?"

Y/n squinted her eyes and leaned against the bar. "Gin & Tonic and a Radler beer. Why? You? How did you even get here? Since when are you friends with Max?"

"Only a beer," he replied. "And Max invited Nico and Nico took me with him. Anyway, you're going to Denmark next week, right?"

"You know, Kevin, your conversation skills turned into detective skills," she mentioned. A smile curved on her lips. "But yes, after Monza."

"Do you have a free evering that week?" Before he let her say anything, he accepted her feedback by turning his question into a conversation. "Because next month is my birthday and you are busy so I was thinking of going out for dinner with Louise, some friends, and you to celebrate it ahead."

"Yes, that sounds amazing," she said. "Of course, I will be there."

A happy smile came on Kevin's face. "For how long will you be home?"

"The entire week, I'm working from home," she shared. "I have a few meetings in Copenhagen, management wise, a media training and a masterclass for students of the uni."

He nodded impressed. "Ready to leave it all behind for a week?"

"No, but if they fuck it up, they fuck it up," she shrugged. They both laughed. "I'm still working from home, though."

As Y/n and Kevin continued their conversation at the bar, Charles watched them from a distance, a twinge of jealousy tugging at his heart. He knew Kevin had a wife and children, and he knew that he was just friends with Y/n and that she knew his wife as well. But he couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment at the interruption, wishing he could have more time alone with Y/n. Despite his initial jealousy, Charles felt happy for Y/n that she had a good friendship with Kevin. It was always a nice feeling to have someone in the same world that came from the same country. He had always been on her side.

The night was nearing, and many people decided to leave and the bar was about to close in twenty minutes. Just like Y/n and Charles, who happened to stay in the same hotel, so they decided to leave together - well, Charles insisted on leaving together since he didn't feel comfortable with Y/n walking back to the hotel on her own.

Y/n grabbed her blazer from the rack and was about to put it on, but a familiar tune entered her ear. She looked into the crowd, finding Gemma. Gemma looked up from her phone, looking for Y/n. A smile grew on Y/n's face and she looked at Charles, who raised his eyebrows by her glance. "Hold on," she said to Charles and pushed her blazer and purse into his hands. She made her way back into the crowd.

"I am unwritten. Can't read my mind," Gemma sang dramatically, singing along with Natasha Bedingfield's 90s hit song Unwritten.

A laugh left Y/n's mouth. "I'm undefined. I'm just beginning. The pen's in my hand. Ending unplanned," she sang along.

Gemma's eyes lit up as Y/n joined the duet. The surrounding crowd turned to watch as the two friends lost themselves in the moment, their laughter filling the air as they sang. As they reached the chorus, Gemma threw her arm around Y/n's shoulder and they began to jump.

"Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. No one else, no one else. Can speak the words on your lips. Drench yourself in words unspoken. Live your life. with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten."

For a brief moment, everything else faded away as they revelled in the simple pleasure of music and friendship. It was a happy moment for them, but it even made the others in the bar happy. The two women were enjoying life and the moment. And as the song came to an end, they hugged tightly, their smiles reflecting the pure happiness.

On the side, close to the exit, Charles was watching the two women. He adored Y/n's spontaneity and her happiness. With a smile on his face, he leant against a table and waited for her. During the song, his eyes scanned the people around them; Max was grinning and silently singing along, Kevin was sitting at the bar and was also singing along and many more people enjoyed the song. It was just a happy moment.

With a big smile on her face, Y/n walked back to Charles. "Sorry, I just needed to do that with Gemma," she said.

Charles held the blazer behind Y/n so he could help her with putting the blazer on. "No worries, enjoy the moment."

"Happiest three minutes of the night," she breathed.

They made eye contact with Max and he waved at them. Y/n waved at Kevin as well. Before the song came on, they said goodbye to everyone, so their wave was just a final goodbye for now. They stepped outside, facing the chill but stuffy weather. Charles put his hands in his pockets and got surprised when Y/n hooked her arm in his.

"I wish I had a bike right now," Y/n mentioned when she was looking at one of the twenty bikes in the street. "My feet are killing me."

He looked down at her feet; she was wearing heels, low heels. They looked comfortable to him. "I can book an Uber," he offered.

"Meh, that's not necessary," she replied. "As long as we do not get recognised, we can just walk." She looked around. "It's funny how some countries are bicycle counties and others are not."

"It's so weird to look around and see at least one bike here."

"I believe there are more bikes in The Netherlands than people."

Charles smirked, the random facts Y/n shared was precious. "How is that even possible?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "So... Are there more wheels or doors?"

He let go of her because there was an obstacle on the pavement. However, he hooked his fingers into hers and walked in front of her. "When seeing all these bikes... Wheels. What do you think?"

"Definitely wheels," she answered. "I don't know why, but wheels." When they could walk next to each other, Charles made sure Y/n was walking on the inside of him. Neither one of them let go of the other's hand. "Did you enjoy this evening?"

He nodded. "I did. You?"

"Good. And I did too. I enjoyed how casual it was, no fancy dancy talk, just casual talk," she replied.

"But Max and gin & tonics..."

Y/n stopped walking and did the move: Max was holding his hands in the air and his index fingers were pointed to the top, and then he would move them up and down. Charles did the same and they both started to laugh. "Such a dad move," she laughed.

Charles clapped his hands and couldn't stop laughing at the impression. "That is a classic Max move," he laughed.

"It's just sweet," she commented and smiled. However, it quickly faded away when she felt the irritated sensation around her feet. Those sandal heels looked cute, it was simple, elegant, chic, but a feet killer. They were mid heeled, not even that high, but that didn't matter. "You know what," she said and looked at Charles.

"Hmm, what?" Charles said, waiting for a serious answer since she had a stern look on her face.

"I am gonna take off these heels because I can't do this anymore," she revealed and grabbed Charles' arm for support. She took off her heels.

"Y/n, stop," he advised her sternly. "Don't do that."

"What? It's so fucking painful."

"Don't go barefoot, that's fucking disgusting."

"I would rather have dirty feet than painful feet."

"What about glass? Or... cigarettes. They will end up in your feet and then I have to bring you to the hospital for treatment," he told her and raised his eyebrows.

Y/n thought about it and nodded. "Uh, no. That will not happen," she convincingly smiled and stepped away from him, resuming her way to the hotel.

"Y/n," Charles warned her and wrapped his hand around her wrist. He pulled her back to him. He would not let her stubbornness get the best of her.

"Charles," Y/n copied his tone and stood in front of him, she was not amused.

Y/n's lips were set in a stubborn line while Charles wore a disapproving expression.

"You don't know what could be on the ground," he said, his grip on her wrist firm but gentle. "Let me call an Uber."

"The hotel is literally there," she replied and pointed at a building a kilometre away. She knew he was right, but calling an Uber for a short ride was not necessary. And many people lived barefoot. So what could happen to her? "I'll be careful."

Charles studied her for a moment, his gaze softening when he recognised the stubborn streak in her eyes. He knew he couldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to, but he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable either.

Their eyes locked in a silent battle of wills, each refusing to back down. They just stood there, somewhere in Amsterdam, grumbling about heels and the pavement. They were centimetres apart from each other. Charles felt a surge of protectiveness wash over him, the feeling became stronger after the incident in Silverstone. Y/n's gaze softened as she scanned his face, she could see the concern etched in his features, the worry lines that creased his forehead and she couldn't help but feel a flutter of warmth in her chest.

Charles closed the remaining distance between them, his hand reaching up to her cheekbone. He stroked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked at her lips briefly. When he looked back into her eyes, he saw a sparkle. He leaned in, his lips brushing against hers in a sweet kiss.

Time stood still as they savoured the sweetness of the moment. Y/n's heart fluttered in her chest as she melted into his touch, the sensation sending shivers down her spine. Her hands tenderly touched his chest. The kiss was soft, yet filled with desire, longing and a sense of belonging.

When they pulled away, Y/n leaned her forehead against his, their breaths mingling in the night air. Her heart was racing. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her skin, sending more shivers down her spine.

"Let me take you to the hotel," Charles whispered, his voice barely audible over the pounding of their hearts. "I don't want you to get hurt."

She lifted her head, meeting his gaze with a soft smile. "How?"

"Here, hold this," he said and handed over the purse he had been holding. "And jump on my back."

"Charles," she giggled and covered her mouth with her hand. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he smiled and turned around.

Y/n jumped on his back and wrapped one of her arms carefully around his neck. Charles put his hands around her legs and started to walk to the hotel. "You smell nice," she whispered. She wanted to make a comment about how men's cologne would stay on them for days and women's perfume for a second, but knew it was better to keep her mouth shut.

"Thank you," he softly chuckled. As he was walking, he felt a sense of peace wash over him, a feeling of contentment settling in his mind and heart.

As Charles carried Y/n on his back through the streets of Amsterdam, a sense of warmth enveloped them, cocooning them in their own little world. Y/n rested her head against his shoulder, her heart filled with gratitude for his caring gesture. She could feel the steady rhythm of his footsteps beneath her, each step bringing them closer to the hotel.

The hotel staff didn't look up when they entered the hotel. Charles made his way to the lift and Y/n pressed the button, calling the lift. There was silence between them when they stepped into the lift and made their way to the right floor. Charles walked to Y/n's room after she told him which number she had.

Charles gently lowered Y/n to her feet. Their eyes met and in that fleeting moment, a silent understanding passed between them. They shared a smile.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice barely audible in the stillness of the hotel.

Charles smiled, his eyes reflecting the warmth of his heart. "Anytime," he replied softly. "Sleep well," he said, knowing it was the right decision to leave for now.

"Good night, Charles," she smiled satisfied and opened her room door. Before stepping inside, she turned around and quickly pecked his lips. Then, she entered her room and closed the door behind her.

When she walked to the bathroom, a smile was resting on her face. What a man could do... Y/n looked at herself in the mirror, she looked so stupid for smiling this big. What he could do... A soft giggle left her mouth and she shook her head.

What Charles could make her feel like... Wrong.

Y/n straightened her face and stared at herself. What she just did was wrong, very wrong. It shouldn't have happened. It was disgusting. Tears filled her eyes, she was disappointed in herself.

She was his boss.

He was her driver.

"Fuck."

Read the full story here.

[itsthestutterforme]

Copy That (Jack Reacher x ex!wife!reader)

Summary: Much against his preference, he gave you a call and asked for your help. When a hit was hired to take you out, he deeply regrets getting you involved.

Notes: GIF is not mine, this is not a beta’d read, protective Reacher, soft Reacher, reader is black, technically this is a drabble but there will be more drabble with the same characters

—

“Who’s able to hack into a system with this much encryption?” Rocoe asks, linking her arms over her head as she leaned back into her chair.

“Let me see,” Reacher turns the monitor to face him. There’s a black screen with a singular white box that asks for a password.

Obviously it’s more than a password. They probably beefed up their cybersecurity when he noticed someone getting too close to their operation, Reacher thought to himself.

“Finlay, do you have any friends in cybersecurity security that we can trust?” Roscoe asks.

“Negative,” Reacher knew exactly the person for the job. He hadn’t spoken to you in years, and he didn’t want the first time he contacted you to be when he needed something.

But he didn’t have any other choice.

You wanted out of field work two years after your operations team disbanded. In that way, you were opposite of Neagley, your best friend.

You liked being in the comfort of your own office, free to do anything you’d like when waiting for the decryption to crack.

Life with you was domesticated. Life with you was peaceful. A level of peace he wasn’t sure he would feel again, even if he went back to his favorite home town growing up.

“Reacher?” Roscoe asks, touching her forearm to bring him out of his thoughts. “Where’d you go?” “Nowhere, I’m right here. I know someone,” Reacher finally says, pulling out his burner phone.

“Really? You have friends?” Finlay jabs, earning a glare from Reacher. He dialed your number and put the phone on speaker.

You were in the middle of doing a headstand lotus on your yoga mat when you heard your phone vibrate.

It was from an unsaved number. There was two people that would call from unsaved number: Neagley or Reacher.

You answered the phone and moved across your office to close all the blinds. “Y/L/N,” you answer and you were met with silence.

“If this is some ploy to scare me, you really suck at it.” Reacher stared at the phone, his heart pattering wildly in his chest.

You just had that effect on him.

You were about to hang up the phone when you heard a low baritone say your name.

You looked down at the number before bringing the phone back up to your ear. “Reacher? Is everything okay?”

You peeked through the blinds of your office and saw no one suspicious but you can never be too careful.

“I, uh.” Reacher starts, earning confused stares from Finlay and Roscoe. They hadn’t seen him speechless before.

He takes the phone off speaker and goes outside for some privacy. “Y/N, I need your help cracking something. You’re more than welcome to say no-“ “Send it over,” you interrupt.

“I can’t. It’s likely they’ll track the IP address to you and pay you a visit.” “Let them try.” A proud smile makes its way on his face. That’s my girl.

“It’s safer with us. I’ll send you the coordinate incognito.” “Jesus, Reacher. What have you gotten yourself into?”

“It’s something I have to finish,” “How long should I pack for?” His silence told you all you needed to know.

“I’ll be on the next flight out,”

**

You stepped off the metro with your carry on suitcase by your side and a backpack on.

You downed the rest of your coffee and tossed it in the waste bin before advancing towards the escalator. You scanned the area for Reacher with no avail but Reached saw you.

He didn’t want to call attention to you by calling your name so he watched as you waited for the escalator.

“Wow, she’s.. ” Finlay trails off when Reacher’s gaze left you to stare at him. “Really pretty,” Roscoe finishes. “She’s clearly your girlfriend,” Finlay adds.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” “You’re rather protective of her. You care about her.”“That doesn’t make her my girlfriend,”

“Uh guys, where’d she go?” Roscoe starts. The group looks at the empty space where you were previously standing.

“Fuck,” Reacher rushes down the stairs, Finlay and Roscoe not far behind. I should have never took my eyes off of her, Reacher thought to himself. If she dies, I swear to God.

Meanwhile, you stood over the man who had pushed you a few feet into the metro tunnel.

He had pressed a knife to your throat while his teammate searched your belongings. They expected you to be a quick kill.

You had to say you were a bit insulted that they only sent two men after you. They must not see you as a physical threat. That was their mistake.

He laid at your feet, his eyes widen as he looks up at you. He peers over to his teammate who laid dead on the tracks, his neck split wide open.

You slowly approached him and he attempted to crawl away from you. The blood from his chest wound stains the pavement under near him.

You wasted no time as you pressed your boot down on his trachea. He gripped your ankle, looking up at you with pleading eyes.

Thrusting your foot down, you crushed his trachea and watched as his chest slowly falls to a stop.

You slung your book bag over your shoulder and rolled your carry on back to the metro docking station.

Reacher had his back toward you, he was talking to two people you didn’t recognize.

A younger woman looked over at you, her mouth fell open at the sight of you. You’re sure you had blood splattered across your neck and face.

She mumbles something to Reacher and spun around so fast, you’re surprised he didn’t crack his neck.

In the blink of an eye, he was in front of you. He doesn’t say anything at first. You admired the stubble that was forming on his face.

You were always a sweetheart for facial hair. He held your face, turning your head from side to side in search of wounds. His hand gently trailed down your abdomen.

He continued his silent survey until you said, “Reach, I’m fine. The blood isn’t mine.”

His gaze fell behind you before returning to your face. He raised his brow and you nodded at his silent question. They were dead.

“I should have kept my eyes on you. This is my fault. I’m sorry.” “Hey, you taught me well. I handled myself. Besides, it was only two guys.”

“What did they use?” “Knives,” you said with a smirk. “They didn’t stand a chance,” he says, making your smirk widen. “No, they didn’t.”

“Sorry to interrupt but uh,” Finlay hands you a hanker chief, motioning to your face. “We should go. You’re getting stares.”

“Y/N Y/L/N, pleasure.” You reached down to grab your luggage but Reacher beats you to it.

You didn’t bother arguing with him, you were occupied with getting all of the blood off of your skin while it was still wet.

“So.. are you Reacher’s girlfriend?” Finlay asks as he opened the trunk and Reacher slide your luggage inside.

Roscoe looked at you expectantly, which tells you that she has a crush on him.

You don’t blame her. He’s Jack Reacher after all.

“No, I’m his ex-wife.” You answer, setting your book bag next to your luggage before closing the trunk. Roscoe’s mouth fell once again, along with Finlay’s.

They stared at you as if they were waiting for you to say just kidding. You slide into the back seat and Reacher joined you.

“Close your mouth, Finlay. You’ll catch flies.” He says before closing the door.

“Care to tell me what happened the last time you were at the metro?” You asked when you all piled into the car.

“What do you mean?” Roscoe asks as Finlay pulls off the curb and descends into exit to go onto the freeway.

“The way you were looking for me was frantic. It makes sense why Reach was worried, but not you two. Something else happened at the metro station. Someone was taken out like they tried to take me out. Who was it?” You explain.

Finlay and Roscoe looked shared a look but didn’t say anything.

“There was a woman. Her name was Molly-“ “Molly? As in Molly Gordon?” “You know her?”

“Joe brought her as his plus one to my sister’s baby shower. God, that’s.. how’s Joe holding up?” You asked, your mouth felt dry at the new information.

Reacher looks at you, his features hard as stone. Your heart sank in your chest the longer you stared at him.

You felt compelled to reach for his hand in comfort but you had to remind yourself that he wasn’t big on public affection.

Nor was he big on being vulnerable in front of people so you kept your hands in your lap.

“How long?” You asked after a pause. “It’s been a few days now,” Finlay confirms. “They got too close,” you said with a sigh.

“How many people have died?” “Five so far,” Roscoe answers. “And that’s just the ones we found,” Finlay adds.

“So they’re dropping people like flies and it’s still a state police matter?”

Bringing in the FBI and the CIA will only push these people into the hiding. We need to lure them out and kill them.” Reacher explains and you nodded in agreement.

“Copy that,”

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

The Anomaly || JJK

Chapter 5: It's Like That

summary : In which you're isekai'd from your (own) parallel Jujutsu Kaisen universe to the canon universe.

wordcount : 2.8k

Pairing: Jujutsu Kaisen X Reader, eventually Character x Reader (idk who yet tho)

Masterlist | Next

The mission you guys were called for was in fact, not top secret. That mission was about a week ago now. Your current mission? Also not top secret. 

In fact, the four of you have just wrapped it up. It was in the city, and now, you're all left with what to do for the rest of the day. 

" I think I'll go see a movie. "

Yuuji shares, scrolling through his phone to see the many titles which are currently playing. 

" What about you, Kugisaki? "

" It's still early. I think I'll go see a movie. "

" What about you, Y/N? "

Over the past week, you found yourself growing closer with Megumi. It was quite silly. The Megumi of your universe didn't exactly get along with you all that well. Your Yuuji could stuck to him like glue, but your Megumi and you could not sit in the same room for longer than an hour before the two of you start bickering. (Yes, it went down between the two of you that often.) On the rare days, the two of you would get into a physical fight.

That usually ended with you annoying him to no end, considering your fighting style revolves around other people their movements. It would eventually also escalate with him using his Ten Shadows technique on you (yes, you manage to piss him off that bad, that often.) Which in turn, would send you running. Usually to Sukuna. Not necessarily because he could beat the Ten Shadow technique, but simply because no one but you ever dared to bother Sukuna. It was a simple, unspoken rule. One Gojo loved to disrespect often. 

" Ah, I think I'll join Nobara. "

He nods while you grin, linking arms with Nobara who mirrors your expression. 

" Alright. I'm heading home. "

Moments later, Megumi is on his way home. 

" I'm going to the movies, what about you guys? "

Yuuji asks, waving his phone as you and Nobara are stood on the staircase leading towards the metro station. You let go of her, in turn of facing him. 

" What are you watching? "

" Human earthworm 4." 

He looks so proud as he says that. 

" Who even watches that?! I haven't even seen 1,2 or 3." 

" I think you'd be fine jumping in in 4-" 

Yuuji begins, explaining the plot to her. You cringe. It's not your type of film. 

" -So the theme is actually love! " 

Yuuji exclaims, all excited. You blink.

Ew, worm man. 

" I don't want to see some wormo man. Regardless of the theme. "

" It's human earthworm though. "

" I'm not going. "

" Awe, Y/N, what about you? "

" Uhm, no thanks. That movie franchise is... Not my thing. "

" We're gonna go shopping. Wanna join? "

" I just said I'm going to the movies! "

" Okay, see you later then. "

" Later Yuuji, have fun! "

The two of you walk along for a moment, agreeing about how stupid the whole concept of human earthworm is, when-

" Excuse me, do you know Itadori Yuuji? "

-

Moments later you, Nobara, and a girl whose name is Yuko, find yourselves at a simple cafe, as she explains the situation to you. 

" This is me at our middle school graduation ceremony. "

She hands her phone to Nobara, and you peek over her shoulder. Woah, now that's a glow up. 

" Woah, wait, that was only six months ago! What happened to you? "

" You did have quite the glow up. You're gorgeous!"

" Ah, thank you. I did grow 15 centimeters. And with moving to Tokyo and the stress of changing environments... "

" Woah... You're a real Sato Kuruko. "

" That's Itadori. -"

She's showing the two of you a different picture now. You recognize Yuuji in a different school uniform, only noticing now that he's really growing better into his features.

You hadn't gone to the same middle school as Yuuji in your own universe, instead, you were home schooled with the other kids of your clan. It's where you and Noritoshi learned to get along so well. He was a bastard child, yet next in line as the chief because of his technique. You're rejected because of your technique. 

" On graduation day, I worked up the courage to ask him for a picture. I actually wanted to get his number too, but it was already decided that I would be moving to Tokyo. " 

She continues to explain, her eyes downcast, a little sad about the memory.

" So when I saw Itadori earlier- I thought maybe with how I look now, I might.... "

You and Nobara catch on, giving each other incredulous looks. 

" Wait, Yuko, you mean-"

You begin, looking at her like some sort of silly cartoon, Nobara finishing your sentence for you. 

" - it's like that? "

Yuko replies with the same energy.

" Yes, it's like that. "

Barely a moment later, Nobara is calling someone. Ijichi, who was on his way to drop off Megumi. It doesn't take any effort for the driver to turn around. You doubt Megumi is aware of it.

" Someone who knows Itadori well is on his way here now. Let's hear what he has to say. "

" Uhm, if either of you are also interested in Itadori... "

Yuko starts, though Nobara's deadpan expression pulls a giggle from you. 

" No. "

Her eyes look dead serious as she says so. 

" Even if hell and earth were to dance the lambada, not happening. "

You snort at her words. 

" Yeah, you don't need to worry. I'm not interested either. " 

You smile reassuringly at Yuko. A few moments later, Megumi has arrived at your table, looking agitated. You smile at him. 

" All right, what's the big deal? "

" Hey Megumi, does Itadori have a girlfriend? " 

Nobara doesn't waste time today. She's getting straight into business. 

He raises a brow at her. 

" Hue? "

" This is Ozawa Yuko. She's actually something, something and something like... "

Her explanation is shady, both her and your expression serious. 

He breaks out a sweat, understanding the situation. 

" So it's like that? "

Both you and Nobara nod, sweating the seriousness of the situation as well. 

" Yes, it's like that. "

He ends up sitting down beside you. (Figure out the seating plan yourself, I'm not gonna make it complicated.) With a black coffee. 

You will never understand his preferred taste. 

" I doubt it. He didn't seem particularly upset about moving to Tokyo all of a sudden. And he's got one of those posters hanging up in his room. Anyone with a girlfriend wouldn't put up something like that, right? She wouldn't like that. "

Meanwhile, Nobara seems to be more concerned about his choice of drink. 

" Are you the type who drinks coffee black around girls to show off? Please stop. "

You blink as well, suddenly curious. Was he? 

He's annoyed by her words. 

" Don't forget, you're the one who called me. And I always drink it black. " 

Yuko finally speaks up now, an adorable blush on her face. 

" Um, by the way, do you happen to know what his type is? "

" A tall girl with a big ass. "

Both Megumi and Nobara turn to blink at you. You blink back at them. 

" What? I grew up around him and his- around him. " 

You blush in embarrassment, realizing you could be wrong. There's been enough proof of differences between your universe and this one after all. 

" Well, you're correct either way. He mentioned something about liking tall girls. "

Yuko, Nobara and you seem to communicate telepathically, like some kind of electric signal spreads between the three of you. You clink your glasses together, and Nobara slams her phone on the table. 

" You've got a shot! I'm gonna summon Itadori! You're okay with that right, Yuko?! "

She nods. 

" Yes! "

The messages between them are silly, and fast. And now, all that's left to do is wait. 

Not that you have to wait long. Soon enough Yuuji joins the scene, a paper bag of stuff in his hands. 

" Oh!, Fushiguro's here too? " 

Both you and Nobara blink. That was fast. 

Suddenly, you hurriedly glance at Nobara. She hadn't told him why he needed to come. Hadn't told him about Yuko. There was no way he could recognize her when she changed so much- Nobara seems to realize too, sweating the situation, holding out her hand to quickly introduce the two of them to one another. 

" Itadori! This girl is-"

" Oh!, it's Ozawa. How did you end up here? "

All three of you are impressed. Holding up imaginary 10s for his recognizing skill. 

Yuko and Yuuji end up spending the rest of the afternoon together, with Megumi, Nobara and you tagging along behind them. Megumi even felt soft enough to hold Yuuji's stuff for him. 

" Was that really okay, they could've at least exchanged numbers. "

Megumi points out, as Yuko leaves by train later that afternoon. You agree. Kind of. They had seemed to hit it off after all. 

" She exchanged hers with me, so it'll be fine. More important, Fushiguro, Y/N, I've finally recognized my own feelings. "

Both of you give her a curious glance. 

" Hue? "

Was she about to admit to having feelings for him? You shouldn't be surprised. The two got along really well, after all-

" The idea of Itadori getting a girlfriend before I get a boyfriend really pisses me off. "

Maybe not. You grin at her words, an imaginary embarrassed sweat drop running down your brow. 

Of course she'd say something like that. That sounds more like her. 

Megumi doesn't seem surprised. 

" Is that so? "

" Sorry for the wait! " 

Yuuji jumps back in between you and Nobara. 

" Walk behind me. "

You blink at Nobara's words. 

" Huh, what's this? What're you talking about? "

Yuuji seems confused. A feeling you relate to. Megumi doesn't seem to care. 

" Here. "

He's handing Yuuji back his bag of stuff. 

" Here, while you're at it. "

" Huh? What's this? "

" Wouldn't you feel bad for making a lady carry them? "

She's handing him her own bags now. 

" Sure. "

Yuuji doesn't seem to mind. 

" Want me to carry your stuff too, Y/N? " 

You smile at him, shaking your head. You're only holding one plastic bag loosely between your fingers, the bag full of snacks. 

" Oh, shoot! The movie's about to start, let's go! " 

Yuuji's jogging before any of you actually can check the time. 

" Hey! Wait up! Don't take my stuff with you! There's no way I'm watching some wormo man! "

Yuuji ignores her words, turning to Megumi. 

" Fushiguro, Y/N, wanna grab some popcorn? Fushiguro, you like caramel flavoured right? " 

" Don't just assume we're all going to watch wormo man. "

" I told you all, it's human earthworm. 4! "

-

You regret watching human earthworm 4.

There had been a little too many horror like sound effects and jumps in it, and now you didn't feel like sleeping. Your fear of horror films was a bit childish, but it rarely bothered you. 

And so you find yourself leaving your dorm. You want to make dumplings. But you don't have all the ingredients, so you need to go to a 24h convenient store. 

" What're you doing? " 

Your skin shivers before you jump, turning around to face the intruder who's sneaked up on you. 

" What the- Don't sneak up on me like that! "

Megumi blinks plainly at you. 

" Where are you going at this hour? "

" 24h convenient store. I can't- I'm gonna make dumplings. "

" Why? Do you really need to at this hour? Don't we have some in the freezer from the last package Yuuji got? "

" Yeah, but I want to make them fresh. "

Megumi blinks at you again, before sighing. 

" Okay, well, give me a second to change. I'm coming with you. "

You hadn't even realized that he was in his pijamas. You're in your pijamas too, an oversized sweater and a comfortable pair of leggings. You don't feel bothered enough to change though. 

A few moments later, he returns. 

" Okay, let's go. "

Thankfully, the walk towards the convenience store is short. Only 10 minutes. The silence between the two of you is comfortable, as you walk side by side down the stairs of Jujutsu Tech. 

You eye the forest surrounding the school grounds warily, like something might jump out to attack you any second. Like you don't have powers that literally render every living creature. Megumi glances down at you, realization finally making it's way into his brain. 

" Are you afraid of the dark? "

The wrong realization. But don't worry, he'll get there. 

You blink. 

" Oh, uhm, err- something like that. "

He's admittedly puzzled. So you weren't afraid of the dark. Maybe you've had a bad dream? He doesn't decide to push it. Instead, he softly takes your hand, holding it in his own, distracting you from your fears. 

You glance at him, a blush on your face. You smile gratefully at him, squeezing his hand as your peaceful silence returns. 

It doesn't take you long to get the remaining ingredients, and soon enough, the two of you are back at the dorms, now stood in the kitchen. 

" Thanks. You didn't need to come with me you know? " 

You smile at him as you unpack the bag. He blushes, looking away. 

" I wasn't going to let you go alone at this hour. "

He mumbles it, but it's just loud enough for you to hear. 

He eyes you preparing, before moving to stand at your side, nudging you away. 

" I'll cut up the vegetables. "

" Ah, thank you. "

There's a certain peace that resides between the two of you as you work in the kitchen together. It was nice, getting to know him this way. Your Megumi and you would've been bickering already. 

Once you've set the dough, you help in cutting up the remaining ingredients. Noticing he's deciding on the amount of ginger to cut up, you smile at him. 

" You can add extra if you'd like. "

He raises a brow at you. 

" You like extra ginger? "

" Not necessarily, but you do, right? "

He blinks, his eyes open in amazement. How did you know that? 

" Does your universe's Megumi like extra ginger too? "

You shrug. 

" Not sure. We don't actually get along that well in my universe.- I noticed you ordered that chicken dish that's ginger based, and how you were measuring just now. I just put one and one together and guessed. "

The quick smile you send leaves him blushing once more. He smiles at you. He hadn't realized you were so perceptive. 

His eyes return to his chopping work. 

" Tsumiki used to make dumplings with me when we were younger. "

You smile as he softens around you, before your features sharpen. 

" Oh, right, I completely forgot about it, but I wondered if I could visit Tsumiki sometime? I healed her in my universe, you see. "

Megumi's eyes widen, the grip on the knife he's holding loosening. Were you that powerful? You mentioned being able to use reverse cursed energy, but were you really able to apply that to illness as well? 

" I- you healed her? With your reverse cursed technique? Why? I thought we didn't get along in your universe? "

You nod. 

" That's true. Our relationship in my universe is hard to explain. I wouldn't borrow the you from my universe my charger, but if he'd need a kidney I'd offer it. We originally did get along. Until something silly happened. Gojo introduced us at a young age. "

Megumi's eyes remain wide. In all honesty, he was mostly still surprised that you might be able to heal her. He also didn't exactly understand how your universe's version of himself didn't like him. You were amazing. And if he were to be selfish, he wished you'd stay. 

" Hey, you guys are still up- what are you making? "

Both of you turn to see Yuuji standing in the kitchen's entryway, holding an empty bowl he must be returning. The moment is gone, the conversation something you'll return to later. 

" Yeah, we're making dumplings, wanna join? "

The Anomaly Taglist:

@luxylucylou @kalulakunundrum @strxbxrrylover @aethersslave @jenniferrvsesi

[moodymelanist]

Step Back, Doors Closing

happy day 4 of @nessianweek everyone! AU day is one of my favorites and I hope you enjoy yet another hyperspecific nessian in DC fic haha.

Summary: Nesta has had it up to here with the guy who doesn’t understand City Rules™.

Word Count: 3.3k

Read on AO3 here!

✵✵✵✵✵✵ Nesta 

It was the second week of her highly coveted summer job, and Nesta was going to be late.

“Come on, come on, come on,” she muttered under her breath as her train took its time shuttling into Metro Center. She had another train to catch, and while normally she arrived at her station with more than enough time to catch her second train to McPherson Square, she’d overslept by just enough time to throw everything out of whack.

Nesta had just finished her second year of law school, and her firm hadn’t wasted any time in getting her started. She’d worked her ass off all year to land this position, and she wasn’t going to fuck it up so early in the summer by strolling in late like some of the other summer associates. She didn’t have a rich father or so many connections that going to law school was almost a formality; she’d put in the work to earn her spot, and she wasn’t going to let something as simple as missing her connecting train stop her from clawing her way to the top of her summer class.

Thankfully, the Red Line’s doors opened relatively quickly, and Nesta nearly ran a few unsuspecting people over as she raced through the station toward the escalators to catch whatever train was coming next. It didn’t matter if she caught a Blue, Orange, or Silver; she just needed to be on the next train, for God’s sakes.

“Excuse me!” Nesta called out as she took to the stairs at a run, her irritation already flaring at the people who just didn’t seem to understand the rules of living in a city. She loved the District, but she didn’t love just how many tourists and those unfamiliar with the Metro seemed to flock to the train during the summer. How hard was it to remember to stand on the right and leave the left clear?

Everyone seemed to get with the program except for one massive guy who was standing on the left side of the escalator without recognizing the dirty looks being thrown at him from behind. Nesta didn’t have time to wait for him to get with the program, though, so she yelled even louder, “Hey! Hi! Excuse me!” 

“Huh?” The guy turned and looked over one of his very muscular shoulders, his hazel eyes widening slightly at the look on Nesta’s face. He had just enough of a drawl to suggest he wasn’t from around here, but Nesta was far too worried about missing her train to take in just how good-looking he was or how much she liked the accent on his lips. “Sorry, ma’am. Let me get out of your way.” 

“Thanks,” Nesta told him as he moved his frankly massive body to the right, finally giving her the opening she needed to sprint down the rest of the escalator. She had to shove her foot into the door to stop it from closing on her, but by the grace of whatever god was listening she managed to make it inside the train just before it left.

“Fucking idiot tourists,” Nesta muttered under her breath, practically collapsing into her seat as she caught her breath. She absolutely hated running for the train, especially around those who didn’t know any better. Hopefully she wouldn’t run into the guy again.

Besides, did she really look that old to be called ma’am? What a dick.

✵✵✵✵✵✵

The rest of Nesta’s week was thankfully uneventful commute-wise, and she was very grateful that she didn’t have to sprint through Metro Center looking like an idiot at eight thirty in the morning again. 

Nesta’s luck didn’t hold forever, though. Nearly two weeks later, she’d stayed out later than usual the night before because of a networking dinner, and pressing snooze one too many times on her alarm led to her jumping out of bed with a series of curses so vulgar her mother was probably rolling in her grave at how unladylike all of it was. 

Nesta rushed through the fastest shower of her life, somehow managing to make herself presentable in twenty minutes before she hauled ass out the door to get to Cleveland Park. She thankfully had enough time to drink a cup of coffee and take another to go before she left her apartment, but all the coffee in the world couldn’t prepare her for how the rest of her morning was going to play out.

“Excuse me! Excuse me! Jesus fucking Christ, excuse me!” Nesta snapped, already out of patience with it all as she maneuvered her way off her first train and downstairs to the other half of the station. To add insult to injury, one of the escalators was apparently having some kind of issue, so instead of the two going down and one going up, there was only one of each.

Of course this was happening on what was already a very shitty morning. At the sound of a train approaching on the lower level, Nesta tightened her grip on her coffee and hauled ass to make it to the working escalator, ready to make that train come hell or high water. She would’ve made it too, if not for the giant wall of muscle that was once a-fucking-gain taking up a truly ridiculous amount of room on the escalator. Despite her increasingly loud calls of excuse me, the man didn’t move out of her way until just in time for the doors to shut right in front of Nesta’s quickly reddening face.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Nesta practically snarled under her breath, her chest heaving from her now-pointless sprint. Before she could stop herself, she whirled around to face the man responsible, clutching her thermos so tightly it was a miracle the material didn’t crumple under her hand. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m sorry?” he replied after a second. Today he had on a pale blue polo tucked into a pair of darker navy slacks, and she hated how good he looked in the outfit when all she wanted to do was rip his head off. 

“You made me miss my fucking train,” she continued, really working up steam now, “because you’re apparently incapable of remembering what side of the escalator to stand on. So I ask again: what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m not from around here,” the man responded after a moment, at least having the decency to look a little sheepish as he stared down at Nesta. He had a badge clipped through one of his belt loops that said Cassian. “We don’t have public transit like this back home. I’m used to driving everywhere.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you have back home,” she snapped. The next train was coming in three minutes, so she had plenty of time to tell this Cassian about himself before she made it into the office. “You’re not in fucking Kansas anymore. Get with the goddamn program.”

“It’s Texas, actually,” Cassian answered, apparently completely unruffled by her outburst. It only made her want to lash out at him more, but judging by the amusement twinkling in his eye, she wasn’t totally sure that would be a problem for him.

“It’s an expression,” Nesta hissed. God, she needed more coffee; the stuff she had clearly wasn’t strong enough to deal with this idiot, but it didn’t stop her from taking a healthy swallow from her thermos. “Surely they have those back home.”

“We have plenty of things back home,” he replied cheerfully, though she suspected it probably fell into that faux-Southern kindness she’d heard about before. “Including manners. And politeness.”

“If you want that so bad, then maybe you should fuck back off to Texas,” she retorted. She looked down to her feet and was incredibly thankful that the lights on the edge of the platform had started flashing, signaling the next train was about a minute away. “We do things a little differently on the East Coast.”

“Yep,” Cassian told her, the amusement fading from his eyes. She felt a vicious burst of satisfaction as a hint of annoyance began to creep into his voice. “I’m beginning to see that.”

“So you are capable of learning,” Nesta said just as her train pulled into the station. She turned over her shoulder to give him one last icy look before she boarded her train, adding, “Keep up the good work.”

✵✵✵✵✵✵

By the time Nesta made it back to Metro Center after work, she was more than ready to complete her commute in peace. Her feet hurt, she was nursing a low-grade headache, and all she wanted was to change into her most comfortable pajamas and maybe throw on a face mask while she caught up on Interview With the Vampire. Maybe the universe would be kind for once and actually let her.

It seemed the universe was hell-bent on ruining her day, though, because there weren’t any seats available on the train back to Shady Grove. Nesta sighed heavily, trying to convince herself she was completely fine with standing the entire way back to Cleveland Park; her shoes were killing her, and she’d forgotten to charge her AirPods before she’d left work for the day, but it was fine. Totally, completely, and one hundred percent fine.

“You want to sit down?”

Nesta looked up from where she’d been reading something on her phone, unable to come up with a coherent response as she realized it was the guy from earlier – Cassian, who was still looking way too good in his blue outfit. 

“What?” Nesta replied, her brain not completely firing on all cylinders after the day she’d had.

“I said, did you want to sit down?” Cassian repeated. He was sitting nearly directly across from her in one of the seats right by the doors, and he’d already started to pick up his backpack like he fully intended to get up.

Of course he was offering her his seat out of some misguided sense of chivalry. At any other time, Nesta would’ve rolled her eyes and told him to fuck off, that she could stand up just fine; after the last few weeks, though, the worst part wasn’t even that he’d offered. 

It was that she was considering taking it. 

“Just—” Cassian began, looking more and more exasperated the longer Nesta stared at him like he had two heads. “Just let me do this. Okay?”

“Why?” Nesta asked, suspicious. 

“I know I fucked up this morning,” he answered. God, that drawl shouldn’t be as attractive as it was; Nesta cursed her tired brain for liking the sound of his voice even more than usual. “And a lot of other mornings, if we’re being honest. Can this be a minor peace offering?”

Nesta weighed her options as the train began slowing down. On the one hand, sitting down would be amazing, but on the other, she didn’t know if she wanted to let this weird thing she had with Cassian go just quite yet. Still, her feet were hurting, so she just sighed and told herself it didn’t have to mean a single, goddamned thing, even though she knew the truth.

“Fine,” Nesta finally agreed. Cassian hopped up so she could sit down just as the train came to a stop at Farragut North, and she absolutely didn’t notice the way his arm muscles flexed as he reached up to grab the railing above him. “I still don’t like you, though.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Cassian responded. A satisfied little smile appeared on his lips, and she had to focus somewhere else before she did something stupid like think about totally dropping her grudge because of how good-looking he was. “I hope you weren’t too late for whatever you were rushing off to.”

“My summer associate position is more than just ‘whatever I was rushing off to,’” she replied, too tired from her long day to do more than roll her eyes at him. 

“Summer associate, huh?” he fired back. He seemed appropriately impressed, so maybe he knew some lawyers. She wouldn’t be surprised if he did; this was DC, after all. “What law school are you at?”

“Georgetown,” she answered. She wasn’t totally sure why she was telling him this, but hopefully it wouldn’t come back to bite her in the ass somehow later. She wouldn’t mind if he came back to bite her in the ass, but she viciously shoved that thought out of her mind; now was so not the time. “I’m starting my last year of law school in the fall.”

“That’s nice,” he told her, somehow managing to pack the words with a ridiculous amount of… something. He waited for the train to stop and keep going onto the next stop before adding, “Real nice. I’m on the Hill this summer.”

“You and half the city,” she retorted. If you lived in the District for longer than thirty seconds, you’d meet someone who worked on the Hill. “I hope you don’t think that makes you special.”

“If you think I’m special, then I’ll take it.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. I can just tell what you’re thinking.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Nesta said, thoroughly ignoring the grin on Cassian’s face. “Don’t tell me you’re working for that piece of shit Ted Cruz.”

“What do you take me for?” Cassian said back with a roll of his pretty eyes. “Not everybody from Texas is a bigot, sweetheart. I’m working for someone with sense, thank you very much.”

“I don’t think you want to know what I take you for,” she replied dryly. 

He just laughed, the sound somehow making her feel a little less frazzled after a shitty day. “I’d ask you, but I don’t want a situation on the Metro.”

“And what kind of situation would that be?” she asked, raising one of her eyebrows. 

“The kind you don’t talk about in polite company,” he responded. His gaze turned just heated enough to make her force herself not to squirm; she was incredibly thankful that most of the people getting on and off the train had headphones in. 

“You think I’m polite now?” she questioned, not quite willing to cede control of the conversation. 

“Nah,” he replied with a teasing grin. “You’re something else, ma’am.”

Nesta rolled her eyes as the train finally started slowing down at Cleveland Park, gathering her belongings as she prepared to get off the train. “My name is Nesta. Not ma’am.”

“What’s wrong with someone calling you ma’am?” Cassian asked. “You don’t like a respectful man?”

“I’ll let you figure that out, Cassian,” she told him just before she got off the train, making a point of using his first name. Maybe he’d be encouraged to do the same. “Don’t make me miss my train again.”

If Cassian had a reply, Nesta didn’t hear it before the doors shut and the train continued onward. As she walked back to her apartment, she half wondered where he lived; she hadn’t seen him on her way home until today, and half of her hoped it wouldn’t become a habit. 

The other half of her almost hoped he would.

✵✵✵✵✵✵

Nesta went another few days without seeing Cassian, and then on a fateful Wednesday morning, she spied him standing in the middle of the lower platform with his head on a swivel. She was suddenly and immensely thankful that she hadn’t had to run for the train at all today because of how handsome he looked this morning. He had on a white collared shirt tucked into a pair of dark gray slacks, and she of course noticed the way his muscles were straining against the fabric even with the short sleeves. 

Remember how bad he is at taking public transportation, she told herself as she stepped off the escalator.  God, she wished she’d brought more coffee with her to keep her head in the goddamned game. Remember how he made you miss your train. It doesn’t matter how hot he is. 

All of that went out the window the second Cassian opened his mouth, but Nesta wasn’t as upset about it as she probably should’ve been. He really was hot.

“Hey, Nes,” Cassian said. Nesta realized he was holding a large cup of what was probably coffee, packaged nicely in a dark blue thermos. “I, uh… got you this.”

“What is… this?” Nesta questioned. They had another few minutes before their respective trains came into the station, so she supposed she might as well entertain him a little. It had absolutely nothing to do with how hopefully he was smiling at her.

“Coffee,” he answered, taking a step closer. His cologne smelled way too good and she had to actively stop herself from face planting into the side of his neck to take a deeper whiff. She should’ve never taken that goddamn seat; she was folding faster than a house of cards. “I didn’t know what you’d like, so I just got something with caramel in it. Hope you got a sweet tooth.”

“Why would I accept coffee from a stranger?” She asked, mostly to watch him squirm. She didn’t know how he’d guessed about her sweet tooth — or how he’d managed to pick the one morning she’d run out of coffee and hadn’t been able to make her usual two cups — but once she was done needling him, she was going to chug the entire thing. 

“Because it’s good coffee?” he replied. “And I think we’re beyond being strangers, sweetheart.”

“Right,” she responded slowly, making sure he could feel how incredulous she found the entire situation. “How do I know you didn’t poison it?” 

Cassian made a big show of twisting off the lid and taking a sip, somehow managing to do that all and swallow without breaking eye contact. It was unfairly hot and he definitely knew it, judging by the little smirk forming at the corner of his mouth. “Better?”

“Fine,” Nesta grumbled, reaching out her hand and wiggling her fingers expectantly. “Let’s see how good this really is.”

Cassian snapped the top back on and handed the thermos over without comment, the cup warm in her hand as he passed it over. Once she got the top open she performed the same trick he had, very much enjoying the way his eyes went a little wide as she brought the thermos to her lips and swallowed. The coffee was good, maybe not as sweet as she may have preferred, but still good all the same. 

“Well?” Cassian asked expectantly. “What do you think?”

“It’s fine,” Nesta answered, taking another sip. “Could be sweeter.”

“Knew you had a sweet tooth, Nes,” he replied smugly. “Just something about you.”

“I just like sugar,” she told him with a roll of her eyes. “Don’t get any ideas.”

“About you being sweet?” he retorted with a knowing grin. “Never that. I like my ladies meaner than a two-headed snake.”

“…Right,” she said, not totally sure what to say back to that. Was that some kind of compliment? Judging by the way he was looking at her, maybe it was supposed to be. “Is that a Texas thing?”

“Nah,” he said back, still grinning. It was really ridiculous how nice of a smile he had. “Just a Cassian thing.”

“I take back what I said before,” she responded with a huff of laughter. She didn’t think she’d ever been hit on in this way before, and it was certainly memorable. “You are special. Definitely something wrong up there.”

“As long as you know what you’re getting into, sweetheart,” he retorted. 

“And what would that be?” Nesta questioned, raising her voice as both of their trains began approaching the station. 

“Let me take you out for a proper dinner and you can find out,” Cassian fired back without missing a beat.

Nesta studied him for a few seconds, finding nothing but earnestness in those hazel eyes she liked so much, and decided to take a chance. “Fine, but only if we drive.”

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[sparkypantaloons]

Metronomics

Sometimes it's too much, Gotham. Too much putting his body on the line for a city that can't and won't change.

Bruce imagines what his life could have been, what his children's lives could have been, if things had been different.

~~

Sometimes it's too much. Gotham. Too polluted, too populated, to poor...

Morally poor, he should say. The money's never been more than a means to an end for Bruce and he's never cared who has or hasn't got it. Even if he knows that's evidence enough of how out of touch he really is. To not be, and never have been, the levels of desperate so many of his fellow Gothamites have. Are. But he can't change that now. Not after a lifetime of more money than he could ever hope to spend (and God knows he's tried).

And it's not that he thinks poverty equals moral corruptness. Of course not. But God, if it doesn't cause a rot that's hard to escape. An agony deep in the bones, like an atomic bomb. Almost a century since, but still poisoning the ground and the air and the lives where it fell.

It's too much, sometimes. Gotham. Decades of putting his body, his heart, mind on the line for a city that doesn't change and can't change and... Won't.

Part of his Brucie-rich-boy-bit has always been a pretend man of the people. 'Billionaire spotted on Chicago's L-train', a picture of him in $5,000 jeans, throwing a peace sign on the platform at Quincy. 'Bruce Wayne joins the commute on Bangkok's BTS Skytrain' sunburned and sweaty and grinning like a moron. Public transport is easy when you don't need it. The delays, the overcrowding, the cost. All part of the big adventure when you're rich and famous.

He's deliberate in his appearances. Shows up too big to be allowed and always lost. Asking fellow travellers for directions and breaking every unspoken, local rule. Stopping at the bottom of escalators and standing on the right and never having his ticket ready at the barriers... but he's deliberate in his anonymity too.

He's ridden the New York subway and Shanghai's metro and Vienna's U-bahn more times than he can count. Undercover, trailing marks and tailing suspects, slipping past local police and resident gangsters alike. Just another nameless face in the crowd.

But then there's the times he's just there as himself. Times he rides the lines as Bruce. Not the billionaire, not the Bat. Just Bruce. Grey Ghost fan, hates mushrooms, loves dinosaurs. Father, friend, son. Just another traveller amidst the millions. Nobody wanting anything from him, nobody talking to him, nobody even noticing him. It's freedom unlike any he's ever known.

It makes him wonder what his life might have been. If he hadn't been born in the South Wing's master bedroom of Wayne Manor. What his children's lives might have been, if their father had just been a man, and not this man.

Dick for sure, Olympic medallist. There's no doubt. Even without the money and the training and the classes, his boy was destined for greatness. Gold medals and podiums and adoration. Coaching and teaching and leading. And, Bruce fancies, probably the ESPN correspondent for major competitions. Team USA coach. International Olympic Committee. Whatever Dick wanted; in any life there's nothing he couldn't do.

Cass, Bruce likes to think, would have been an architect. If she'd ever been afforded a normal life, ever been given the tender love and care she so deserved as a child. She reads people with ease, drilled into her as it was by Cain; a skill as crucial as its learning was cruel. But given a normal life? Architecture, Bruce is sure. The way she navigates space, the way she uses it and understands it. What better way to make a life than creating in the space she so fully inhabits? Designing structures that change the way people live, challenge how they think. She'd have been glorious.

Tim, on the other hand... Tim. If Bruce thinks about him too long the guilt starts to set in. His brilliant boy, just next door; alone for so long. Bruce was intimately familiar with the experience, though at least he'd had Alfred when he'd been young. If only he'd just paid more attention, he could have— anyway. In another time, one where Bruce rides the subway and to work and Tim doesn't spend the first decade of his life by himself, surely he'd be some fintech billionaire wizz kid by now. He'd have created a Facebook or eBay or Venmo. But better. Kinder. Richer probably than Bruce, now. And he'd still ride the metro next to his old man.

Damian, Bruce's youngest, sweetest boy. Who knows what Damian could have been, in a life where Bruce and Talia kissed each other goodbye every morning and sweet dreams each night. He's a gentle soul, really, fierce as he is. Shows it in his affection for animals. Gives them the tenderness he never had as a child. Who knows what he could have been in a life filled with light instead of shadow. Warmth and love instead of the League's relentless dark. A scientist maybe, or an astronaut. A teacher, a vet, a nurse. Whatever he wanted. A gardener, a piano tuner, a cab driver. Happy, whatever it was. And safe in the knowledge he was loved.

And then... and then, Jason. Bruce thinks of his second son the most, as he rides the rails. Takes the Bakerloo south from Marylebone and the Tanamachi west to Hirano. What Jason could have been, if things had been different. It doesn't seem fair to dwell on it. To imagine the darling, sweet boy who had been Robin as anything but. To disrespect the incredible fucking gift he's already been given of a second chance, by imagining it as any different. So instead he thinks that Jason would still be Robin. Still Red Hood. Still saving people, still putting himself on the line to make the world better. Even if Bruce didn't love the way he did it, he still loved Jason. Gods did he love him. It's too much, sometimes.

Gotham. Sometimes she's too much. But most of the time, most of the time she was everything. His home, his children's home.

To see the sun rise from the east corner of the clocktower with Cass and swing between the crumbling art deco blocks of Coventry, Dick by his side. Racing down her labyrinth of alleyways and side streets with Tim and even negotiating her sewers with Damian. And Jason. Just seeing Jason's face, scowling at him though it usually is, as he waits outside the Collins Street station for Bruce to arrive.

"Your late." He grunts, as Bruce climbs the steps of the subway. He looks at his watch irritably. "If we miss brunch, you're paying."

"Of course," Bruce says, a warm hand on Jason's shoulder as they begin to walk. "Anything for you, chum."

She's too much, sometimes. Gotham. But most of the time? She's exactly where he wants to be

[sungbeam]

[𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬.]

sim jaeyun x f!reader; slight choi beomgyu x f!reader

1.1k words, fluff, tension, jake's ur new bf and beom's ur bff since childhood, like one swear word; jake meets ur best friends from home (ft. txt)

a/n: just a scene i took from one of my old wips :') tbh idk if i'll ever continue it, so that's why i've decided to post this!

Sim Jaeyun was nervous. No, wait. Why was he nervous? He wasn't nervous. All of this—heart racing, fingers drumming against his pant leg, skin clammy, throat tightening… okay, so maybe he was a little nervous. But there was no harm in being nervous, right?

The metro came to a smooth stop, and your hand was suddenly tugging him out of his seat and out the doors onto the platform. 

"Hey, are you okay?" 

His head cleared for a split second and filled with those love hearts that invaded his headspace whenever you were around or you were mentioned. His head turned to you, your eyes already peering at him with a small frown on your face. He beamed at you, "'Course, babe. Why wouldn't I be?"

You raised your eyebrow. "Your hand's really sweaty, Jake."

You laughed as he released your hand for a second so he could wipe his against his pants. He pouted once he reconnected your fingers with his. "And you still held my hand? That's true love right there."

"I do love holding your hand," you said offhandedly, bringing his knuckles up to kiss them, "clammy or not."

Oh fuck, he was so far gone. So drunk on your love. He was melting on the metro station floor—and there you were, walking on as if you hadn't just shot him through the heart with an arrow for the billionth time, and him, trailing after you like the lovesick pup he was. 

"That's supposed to be my line," he managed to muster. Great one, Jake. Could he be any lamer? "But I guess you could borrow it." He stood on the step next to you as the escalator descended into the airport area. "But I do think I require payment," he added with a feigned thoughtful expression. 

You smiled at him, and he couldn't help but return it. If anyone around the two of you looked over, they would have seen a couple in their own world, gazes connected like their hands and their hearts, love never absent. It was so strange to think about why Jake was even nervous in the first place. 

Probably because of the reason why you were both at the airport now. That reason being meeting your friends. This didn't refer to the friends you had met while at university together, but the friends from your hometown who had flown over to see you for the spring break. Jake hadn't been nervous the few weeks between you telling him and today, but for some reason, as soon as he stepped foot on that metro, he started sweating buckets. And for what? He was a charming guy. He loved you, and you loved him. What was he so insecure and nervous about?

"You didn't have to come with me, y'know." You and him were walking toward the arrival terminal now, taking your time. Your friends' plane was probably still pulling into the gate. "I really appreciate it."

He gave your hand a light, reassuring squeeze. He saw the way your eyes shone. "Of course, love. I wanted to come with you to meet them. Anything to spend time with my girl."

"Jake," you whined, cheeks reddening, as you always did when he made you flustered. 

He giggled and cooed at you, leaning down to press a brief kiss to your mouth. "You're so cute."

"Oh god, my eyes!" 

Both yours and Jake's heads perked up at the voice—you because you recognized the voice, and Jake's because he was going to have words with anyone who had a problem with him giving you affection. But it was nothing to that level of seriousness (chill, Jake, chill) as you watched your friends make their way over toward the pair of you, suitcases rolling behind them. 

That had been Huening Kai's outburst, a giddy grin spread over his face. He was the youngest of the five, was what you had told Jake. Then there was Yeonjun as the eldest, Soobin as the maturest, Taehyun as the braincell-est (?), and—

"LN YN!"

"CHOI BEOMGYU!" A squeal erupted from your lungs, and you let go of Jake's hand only to go speeding toward your best friend, Beomgyu. He watched as you practically leapt into the boy's arms, and continued to watch as said boy twirled you around with the largest smile in the world. (But Jake had a bigger smile obviously… right?) 

"Hey, nice to meet you," Yeonjun was the first to greet Jake, extending a hand out to him. "Yn-ie's told us all about you."

Jake smiled, that fluttering feeling erupting in his stomach hearing that you talked about him to other people. "Good things I hope. She's told me about all of you as well."

"Definitely not all good things, I bet," Soobin chimed in with a chuckle. 

"Your hair, Beom!" At your exclamation, everyone's heads turned to where you were now marveling at the highlights in Beomgyu's wolf cut mullet. Jake poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue and tucked his hands into his pockets, watching as your best friend positively blossomed under your attention and Jake wilted with his lack thereof. 

His expression schooled into one of neutrality as Taehyun sighed. "They're always like this, don't worry. Guess time and distance couldn't erase seventeen years of friendship."

"Seventeen years, huh?" He murmured under his breath. He had maybe seven or so months under his belt—

You and Beomgyu finally made your way toward the rest of the group, and when Beomgyu stood face to face with Jake, Jake stood just a little straighter. Why was this man just the slightest bit taller than him? 

For a second, it was quiet. Everyone, including you, held your breaths in waiting. 

Then the tension diminished, and Beomgyu was clasping Jake's hand. "I'm Beomgyu; nice to meet you, Jake."

"Nice to finally meet you, too." But Jake's heart was a stuttering mess, even if he could breathe just the slightest bit easier. Before Beomgyu could do anything else, Jake swept his arm over your shoulders and tucked you into his side. "Yn and I were gonna take you all out for lunch."

You nodded, carefully wrapping your arm around Jake's waist and making him feel just the slightest bit better about the possessive move he made. He saw the way Beomgyu's eyes stared at the way he had done that. "Mhm! There's this really great ramen place on the Ave that I think you guys'll love."

Beomgyu was the first to reply. "Sounds good. I trust your judgement, Yn-ie."

Your eyes swerved between your best friend and your boyfriend—and prayed the electricity would disappear. But as the group of you headed back toward the metro entrance, you had a very bad feeling it was here to stay. 

enha m.list / txt m.list

permanent taglist: @tayunji @im-a-big-mess @honeyhuii @y3jiishot @crazywittysassy @seomisaho @stopeatread @enhacolor @rnjfy @jaehunnyy @kpopjackie @spiderrenjunfics @soobin-chois @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @mingiholic @w3bqrl @smolpeyy @otchae @luv4vernon @shakalakaboomboo @ashxxkook @my5colours @polarisjisung @dior-15 @kpoplover718 @missmadwoman @goldenhypen @ethereal-engene @noa-record @boowoowho @niinjo @justanotherkpopstanlol @super-btstrash-posts @hibernatinghamster @bigballsz @yvnjin-s

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

june 7, 2016 london, england orion

Somehow, my roommates chose not to join me in London to see 5SOS again. We’d had so much fun at the Madrid show, but after Calum extended the invite to visit the band again, they all declined the offer. I didn’t like the thought of not seeing Cal at least once or twice more, so I booked my flight as soon as I could, choosing the cheapest option possible. It meant spending the night on the floor at the airport so I could catch the earliest flight today and still take the metro before it shut down at 2, but that also meant I landed pretty early on in the day.

Calum and I will have the whole day together. Well, the whole day aside from their soundcheck and other band obligations. I’ll be here with them tomorrow, too, but Calum said they’d have press for most of the day, so I’ll get to explore alone, and then after tomorrow’s show I’m tagging along to Brighton before flying back to Spain.

He’d offered to send a car to pick me up at the airport, but I declined. He tried to fight back and insist, but I felt like it was incredibly unnecessary. I can handle myself. So, once I made my way through customs, I followed the signs to the underground station and hopped on the next train that goes toward the direction of the hotel Calum said they’re staying at.

While I ride the tube, I text him.

To: calum 5sos

hi! on my way to you now. probably like 20 min!

I told him that I would be here early, so I’m hoping he’s awake.

The train is packed with commuters, so I feel extra cautious of being pickpocketed. My valuables are in my crossbody that I have in front of me, but my backpack is stuffed with clothes and makeup. I grip my phone as tightly as I can.

Calum texts me back quickly.

From: calum 5sos

hi pretty! I’m ready to go whenever you get here. can’t wait to see ya!

Suddenly I feel nervous to see him. I did my makeup on the plane and used a ton of overpriced dry shampoo I’d bought at the airport, but now I’m wondering if I look pretty enough to be hanging out with an internationally famous musician.

It’s also funny because it’s only been a few days since I last saw him, and yet, here I am, excited to see him. I’m borderline missing him, which feels wild considering I’ve only known him for about a week. I do my best to push away those kinds of feelings — this is just fun. We’re just having fun together. I’ll probably see him this trip, maybe try to see him one other time, and that’ll probably be it. I’m sure he’s got other girls who’d like to see him, and they’re only in Europe for a month and a half or so.

The rest of the ride to my final station seems to creep by slowly, my nerves just building while I stand awkwardly on the train, clutching my phone and the metal pole that’s keeping me steady.

When we get to the station, I quickly exit the train with an onslaught of other passengers. Most of them are dressed in business clothes, on their way to work. I’m wearing jean shorts and a cropped t-shirt with a linen button down on top, making me feel like I stand out. I’m casual, and I feel quite American in my outfit. My San Diego Padres baseball hat really adds to my American-ness, and I suddenly feel like I should’ve possibly rethought my outfit choice.

My hands are sweaty as I ride the escalator up to the exit. I route my way to Calum’s hotel, trying to at least know which direction to start walking in when I get to the street. Those efforts prove to be unnecessary because when I get to the street, I see Calum waiting for me.

He’s wearing his standard black pants and a pair of black Vans with a black and white striped t-shirt. He’s somewhat disguised with a pair of Raybans covering his eyes, but his height makes the grinning boy stick out to me as soon as I step off the escalator. He raises his hand in a wave when he sees me, instantly starting to walk towards me.

“Orion!” He calls out. As soon as he’s a few steps from me, Calum opens his arms wide so he can wrap me into a tight hug.

I’m somewhat stunned, truthfully, but try to hide it. I hug him back instantly, feeling safer in his grasp. He doesn’t hold onto me for too long, but I’m not sure if it’s because I step back after a few seconds in his arms or if he lets me go.

“No security?” I ask when there’s a foot or so of space between us. I look around, trying to see if there’s a guard hiding a few people away or something, but still don’t see anyone.

Calum shakes his head and smiles. “Nah, convinced Matt to let us free roam today. A trial run.”

I nod. “Got it, I’m on my best behavior.”

He laughs, throwing an arm over my shoulders. “Let’s go drop off your bag at the hotel, and we can get breakfast?” He asks as if it’s a question, even though it’s technically a sentence. “If you’re hungry, I mean.”

“I’m hungry,” I tell him. I feel his shoulders relax. “And I love breakfast.”

“I know you do,” Calum says.

He knows I love breakfast? Had I told him that? Maybe when I was drunk I mentioned it. I do tend to rant about things when I’m drunk.

“Sorry, didn’t mean that to sound creepy,” he then blurts. “I looked at like… your entire Instagram account like a creep, so maybe it should’ve sounded creepy. Sorry, now I’m showing you all my cards, I just—”

I cut him off with laughter. I’m flattered that he had scrolled through my feed. I was shocked to get the follow request, but I accepted it, assuming he’d just follow me and not ever interact with me. I figured it was a nicety. He probably follows every girl he hooks up with as some weird way to document them.

“It’s fine, I looked through yours too.” I did. I saw mostly what I expected. A bunch of stage photos, pictures with his bandmates, a few pictures with his family mixed in. I felt like I got a glimspe into who he is, beyond what I’d learnt during our day and a half together in Madrid.

“I’m flattered,” he says, chuckling.

“I mean it’s not every day I meet someone who knows Harry Styles,” I tell him. “Naturally I needed to see how close of friends you guys are.”

Calum scoffs. He turns me suddenly, onto a new street. I don’t question it and just try to keep up with his long legged pace. “I thought you weren’t a 1D fan?”

I laugh, but it comes out more as a giggle, which for some reason feels embarrassing. “I’m not, but you can’t deny that the man is dreamy.”

Calum laughs, but I’m not sure if it’s at my comment or at my awkward giggle. “I get it, you’re just pretending to like me so you can meet him.”

I’m so wrapped up in my conversation with Calum that I don’t even realize that we’re walking into an alley behind a hotel now. The only reason I realize it is because I can hear the echoes of a crowd from the other side of the building, chanting “5SOS” — it’s 7 in the morning, which is far too early for that in my opinion.

The security guard, Gus is his name, is the same one who had been in Madrid. He smiles when he sees me, or maybe when he sees Calum, or maybe it’s the combination of us. Either way, he waves his hand hello.

“Hi, Gus!” I call, offering him a smile.

“Good morning, Orion.” He remembers my name?

I look at Calum with a surprised look and find him already smiling at me. God, I like him. I smile back and mumble a quiet thank you when he opens the door to the hotel for me. We walk to the service elevator, Cal leading the way, and he presses the button for the seventh floor.

“For the record, I don’t need to meet Harry Styles. I’ve already met the coolest bassist that’s come out of Australia this decade.”

Calum rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance. “Just this decade?”

I throw my head back with a laugh. “I don’t know enough about bassists, and especially not Australian ones, so I didn’t want to oversell you.”

His annoyance evaporates and then he’s giggling with me. The doors open to the floor, Cal holding his arm out so they don’t close on me, and then he grabs onto my hand to pull me to his room. Once the door is unlocked, he opens it for me and lets me walk in ahead of him.

“I’m probably the coolest bassist to come out of Aus in the past century,” he announces, flicking the lights on. “And the hottest.”

I purse my lips. I’d agree, but I can’t inflate his ego. He’s already here, claiming to be the hottest and coolest bassist of the century. “You can keep telling yourself that, bud.” I’m also trying to avoid appearing completely smitten with him, even though I am.

He laughs again. “See, I like how you knock me down.”

I drop my backpack onto the armchair in the corner of the room, next to his open suitcase, messily piled with clothes and a few packs of cigarettes and then I hold my hand out to him. “I’ll pull you back up, too.”

“My dream girl.”

I do my best to ignore the sudden flutter in my chest, settling on smiling cheesily at him.

It’s just a fling, I tell myself. I need to keep my expectations low.

“You said there’d be breakfast?” I ask.

Calum’s expression turns unreadable, but his eyes are still kind and sparkling, so I don’t worry about it. “With me, there will always be breakfast.”

My dream boy, I think.

–

After a few hours of roaming London with Calum, I’ve fallen in love with the city. Despite it being a massive city, something about it all feels quaint… in a dirty, gloomy, stinky kind of way. My only request is that we go on the Eye, which he manages to get us on for free by taking a selfie with the girl at the ticket counter.

He and I also take a selfie with the view at the top. It’s our first picture together, and it might end up being the only photo of us together. I decide it’s a sweet memento to hold onto of this brief study abroad adventure. I haven’t told my moms yet that I’ve decided to take a weekend trip to London to visit a boy, but maybe someday I’ll show them this photo and they can understand why I made the choice to get on a plane to see his show.

We’re making our way to the venue now, the O2. He’s trying to be chill about it, but I can tell Calum is both stoked and incredibly nervous. I think it’s their first time headlining, but I’m not completely sure, and Cal seems too out of it to answer if I did ask. We’re on a train — I have no idea how he managed to convince Matt that he can take a train to the venue without a security guard, but again, not going to ask. He’s drumming his hands on his thighs in a pattern nervously, looking straight ahead of him at the blurry view outside the window.

I grab his left hand in both of mine, steadying it. He stops his tapping and whispers a quiet ‘sorry’ to me. In response, I just squeeze his hand tightly.

When I look away from his face, I face forward at the blurry view too. The train stops at a station, and I look down at the people sitting in front of me, which I quickly regret. A girl is sitting directly across from us wearing a 5 Seconds of Summer t-shirt and wide, shocked eyes while she stares at us.

My eyes mirror hers then, wide and nervous. I let go of Calum’s hand quickly and stand up, moving to his other side and holding onto a metal pole instead of holding his hand. Calum looks startled when he stares up at me.

“Are you okay?” He asks, his forehead wrinkling with concern.

I nod, clearing my throat. “Yeah, yeah, fine. Just…” I sigh, trailing off. “There’s a fan, across from you,” I whisper to him as quietly as I can. I feel incredibly self-conscious now, and I don’t want Calum to be so clearly seen with me. I know he’s said — a few times now — that he doesn’t mind being seen with me, but I don’t know how true that can really be. Female fan bases are incredibly powerful and a wonderful thing, but they’re not exactly known for being welcoming or kind to the women seen with their favorite men.

His eyes flit to behind me, up to me, and back behind me. He looks back up at me again. “Just a sec.”

Calum then stands up, walking the handful of steps over to the fan. I don’t watch, but I’m sure she’s peeing her pants. “Hi, I’m Calum,” I hear him say.

I think he sits down next to her, but I’m too scared to look.

“I know,” she squeaks out.

“Do you want to take a picture?”

“If you don’t mind, I don’t want to bother you.”

“Nah, of course you’re not bothering me,” he says in his normal kind voice. “Here, want me to take it?”

They’re quiet for a moment, taking their pictures, I’m guessing.

The intercom then announces that we’ve gotten to our destination. I turn around then, both Calum and his fan standing up as well. Calum grins at me and holds out his hand for me to take. Instead of taking it, I clasp mine together and just start walking off the train. I just try to avoid the gaze of the fan and walk quickly, following the signs for the exit.

When I make it to the street, I turn around, finding Calum struggling to catch up to me. He looks confused.

“What was that?” He asks. He’s laughing slightly, but his eyebrow is still quirked.

“Sorry, I just…” I don’t know how to finish my sentence. I feel my forehead wrinkle with anxiety. I don’t know how to explain it to him.

His eyes soften and his expression returns to a slightly more neutral one. I think he’s willing to drop it, so I take my chance and run with it.

“Which way are we going? I don’t want you to be late.”

Calum nods, pulling his phone out to check the directions. “This way,” he says, and we start walking.

As we walk, I look around at the crowd around us. There is a sea of people wearing flannels, black clothes, and 5 Seconds of Summer merch. They all seem too busy with whatever they’re doing, and I don’t see any eyes on Calum, so I take advantage of our chance to camouflage him. I take my hat off and stop, stand in front of him, and put my hat on his head. I grab his sunglasses from where he has them hanging on his shirt and hold them in front of his face.

He chuckles, putting on the glasses.

“No one will ever know it’s you. You’re unrecognizable.”

“Am I allowed to hold your hand in incognito mode?”

I’ve let him hold my hand all day, and he’s kissed me in public, so I don’t know that I should really be so weird about it now. It’s just the eyes boring into me at such a close proximity. I feel watched and judged, and I haven’t even done anything wrong.

“Maybe another time,” I say quietly. I feel guilty. I want him to hold my hand, but I don’t want an army of haters to follow me around for holding a guy’s hand for a few minutes.

We walk in silence, and I’m acutely aware to the presence of Calum’s hand on the small of my back while he guides me to the unmarked side of the building where I assume Matt said to meet him. We pass a handful of security guards, which Calum takes off his sunglasses for so they can see his face. They all just nod as we walk by.

As soon as we’re out of the view of the crowds of fans, I grab Calum’s hand again.

“It just feels very… smothering,” I say while we walk. “To have all of those eyes on me for just existing in your presence.”

“I’m sorry,” Calum says. “You don’t have to do anything you want to do, and that applies to far more than just holding hands.”

I squeeze his hand gently. “I know. I just don’t want you to get any negative backlash for holding some random girl’s hand.”

Calum squeezes my hand back. “I think I can handle it.” He gives me a jokingly cocky smile.

We walk into the back door of the arena, which, as we walked around it, is absolutely massive. So many people will be here tonight, and I get to be backstage? It’s somewhat unbelievable.

As soon as we’re inside, I can hear the hoots and hollers of the rest of Calum’s band. I got to meet them for a bit back in Madrid. They’re all very nice, but very loud and rowdy. Which, to be fair, makes sense considering they’re all roughly 20 years old and famous and somewhat rich. They can kind of do whatever they want.

“Has anyone seen Calum?” I hear one of them ask from some distance away. I don’t know their voices well enough to know which one it was and I don’t know exactly where they are. I’m just following Calum’s lead.

“He’s with that girl, Orion, today, remember?” Another one says.

“Oh! Right,” the first one replies. “She’s—“

They stop talking as Calum and I enter the room, and I am glad I don’t get to know how that sentence is going to end. I don’t think I want to know.

“Orion!” The blonde one, Luke, calls out when he sees us. “You made it!”

I smile at him and he’s running over to me, wrapping me into a tight hug. “Hi, nice to see you again.” I’m still tethered to Calum with my hand in his. I’d let his hand go but he’s got a tight grip on mine.

“Pssh, no need to sound so formal,” Luke says, letting me go.

“It is nice to see you again!” I argue.

Michael and Ashton also come over to give me hugs.

“Did you guys have fun today? Cal told us all about his plans,” Ashton says, looking back and forth between Calum and me.

I nod, smiling up at Cal. “Yeah, it was great.”

“It’s a miracle you guys are back on time. Calum is known for getting lost,” Michael tells me and laughs while Calum turns slightly pink.

Luke throws an arm around Calum’s neck, yanking him towards him. “Y’know how people have ‘Find My iPhone’? We need ‘Find My Calum.’”

“Well, if he’s with me I promise to get him where he needs to be on time.”

“I knew I liked you,” Matt dryly says from across the room. It’s probably the nicest thing the man has ever said because all of the guys look awestruck from the comment.

“C’mon, let’s sit down. We’ve got some time before soundcheck.” Calum pulls me toward the black sectional in the corner of the room. He flops onto it, kicking his feet up on the coffee table littered with empty beer bottles, Red Bull cans, solo cups, and a half empty bottle of vodka.

I don’t flop onto the couch, but I do sit next to him, letting him wrap an arm around me so I’m pressed into his side. It’s nice to be this close to him.

“Do you guys want a drink? We’ve got beer here but there’s other stuff they can grab for us if you want it.” Ashton calls out to us while bending over a cooler.

“I’ll do a beer!” I yell over to him and he nods, reaching into the cooler.

“Same, thanks, Ash!”

Luke jumps over the back of the couch to join us, but he’s so lanky that he ends up knocking over some of the bottles and cups on the table with the flailing of his limbs flying through the area. What looks like mystery liquid pools on the floor, some combination of beer, vodka, Red Bull, and some mysterious blue liquid.

“Seriously, Luke?!” Ashton yells. He’s laughing, holding three bottles of Stella Artois in his hands. He gives two to Calum, who hands one to me.

“This is what happens when you let me take four shots of vodka and shotgun a Red Bull at 2 in the afternoon!”

Jesus, I think. I know they’re used to partying and Luke isn’t exactly a small person, but still. Luke is off the couch again, walking around the room. He returns with a large handful of paper towels to clean up his mess. While Luke mops up the traces of beer and Red Bull from the table and the floor, Michael and Ashton join us on the couch, still snickering about Luke’s clumsiness.

I set my beer on the table and decide to help prevent anything else of the sort from happening again, so I start stacking up the solo cups and grab as many cans and bottles as I can hold. I meet Luke at the trash can to drop them in after his soaked paper towels, and he gives me a puzzled look.

“What are you doing?” Luke asks with a chuckle.

“I just thought it would prevent future spills,” I defend myself, going back to the couch to collect the rest, but Calum followed my lead and grabbed what was left.

“It wasn’t your mess to clean, but thank you,” Luke says and he gives me a bright, genuine smile.

When we sit back on the couch, Luke manages to put his feet up on the coffee table without spilling things, and we can all relax for a minute. Calum’s arm is back around me, and I take a few sips from my beer. All of the boys, aside from Cal, are tapping around on their phones. I try to decide if I want to talk to them or just whisper to Calum, which sounds kind of awkward, so I clear my throat.

“What did you guys do today?” I ask.

They all look up at their phones and at each other, surprise written on their faces.

“Not much, really,” Ash says, shrugging. “Got lunch at a place near where we used to live, reliving the glory days.”

“You guys used to live here?” They’re from Australia and they’ve toured a lot in the last few years. When did they live in London? Calum hadn’t mentioned it at all.

“Yeah, not for too long. Before the One Direction era.” Ashton smiles, amused by my surprised expression.

They had to have been babies then but still moved all the way to London for their careers. I can’t imagine my family being OK with shipping me across the world at that age, but I guess it must just be a testament to just how special and talented the four of them are. They were born for this life. Their parents must have known it.

“Anywhere else you’ve lived besides Australia, London, and LA?” I ask. I direct the question at Calum, even though he’s not the one saying anything.

“Cal almost moved to Brazil,” Ashton answers, making Calum shoot him a glare.

I raise my eyebrows. “Brazil?”

Calum flushes pink and avoids my gaze. “Yeah, but it didn’t happen.”

“Well, we moved to London because he didn’t move to Brazil, basically,” Ashton clarifies.

“What the hell was in Brazil?” I ask through slight laughter.

“Football,” Calum replies, the moniker supposedly enough information to explain the whole thing.

“Man, you really don’t know anything about us, do you?” Michael asks. He looks incredibly amused and he’s giggling after his question.

“Oi, Mike, be nice,” Ashton scolds while whacking Michael’s head softly.

“Soccer was in Brazil?” I ask Calum, trying to understand the bigger picture.

“Yeah, I went for some training,” he says. “Was supposed to go back, but decided I’d rather be in a band with these losers instead of playing footy.”

I look around the room at the rest of them, trying to see if any of them care to clarify. He was going to move to Brazil for soccer… like, to play professionally? I go to ask another question, but then a loud group of people walk in, demanding all of our attention.

They all look vaguely familiar, probably because I’ve seen pictures of at least a few of them on Calum’s Instagram. Cal’s bandmates all stand up and greet the crowd, embracing them, making a lot of noise, but Calum stays seated right next to me.

“Do you need to go say hi to them?” I ask. When I look at him, I find he’s staring at me.

“No, I was with most of them last night,” he shrugs.

I nod, glancing quickly back over at the people. The other three boys are totally swallowed by the mass of their friends. I look back to Cal and he’s inched his face closer to mine.

“I was supposed to go pro,” he says quietly. “With soccer, I mean. My parents were pissed when I told them I wanted to do this instead.”

“I’m sure they’re happy with the decision now.”

He grins, leaning a few inches forward so he can kiss me. It’s swift and short, but it’s still as sweet as can be. “Are you always like this?”

I furrow my brow. “Like what?”

“Always making the person you’re talking to feel like the most important person in the room.”

Then it’s my turn to blush. My cheeks get hot and I look away from Calum nervously. I try to always include people and ask questions, but I know sometimes it doesn’t come off well and it seems like I’m being annoying. It’s a relief that Calum thinks positively of my conversational habits.

“I like learning about you,” I confess. “And the rest of them. You’re all fun.”

Calum nods and then kisses me again. “Learning about you might just be my new favorite thing.”

My heart soars and I have to look away. If I look into his eyes, I’ll be a goner. I’ll be totally obsessed with this guy. He’s saying and doing all of the right things to get me to like him, and I have to protect myself. This is just temporary, while they’re touring Europe.

“Who are all those people?” I ask him, looking down at my lap.

He sighs. “It’s a mix of some of our music friends from LA, a few people we knew when we lived here, uh… oh, Mike’s girlfriend, Crystal. She’s the one with purple hair. There’s a girl Luke’s dating here, too.” Calum leans closer, so his mouth is by my ear. “But none of us like her,” he whispers.

I laugh slightly, but since I don’t know the girl I don’t want to base my opinions on just what Calum has said. “Which one is she?”

Cal laughs somewhat bitterly. “Don’t worry, you’ll know.”

I look over at the group of people and try to find Crystal and this other girl. Crystal I spot easily since, like Calum had mentioned, she has purple hair. She’s tall and pretty, with a sweet smile and light eyes, talking to Michael and another couple of guys. One I recognize as one of the members of the opening act. Then I look to Luke and find a tall girl with dark hair draped over him while he talks to a few of the other people. Got it. That’s the one that’s dating him. She’s not looking at any of the people huddled with, just clinging to Luke and standing there.

When I look back to Crystal to try to get a better look at her, she’s looking at me. Michael is saying something to her, and when she notices me looking her way, she smiles and waves. I smile and wave back awkwardly. Crystal then turns to Michael, puts a hand on his arm, and says something to him quickly before she walks over to the couch, sitting a few feet away from Cal and me and still smiling.

“Hi! I’m Crystal,” she says.

“Oh, hi! I’m Orion.”

Crystal smiles. “Oh, I know. This one won’t stop blabbing on about you and that club. What was it called again?” She directs the question to Calum, who looks embarrassed by her comment.

“Space Monkey,” I say for him. “My roommate’s girlfriend is a bartender there.”

She nods. “Such a weird name. Sorry, I would’ve said hi at the Madrid show, but wasn’t sure if it would have been overwhelming.”

I look to Calum, who hadn’t mentioned that there were other guests at the Madrid show. We only hung out with the band itself and my roommates. After the show, Calum and I went back to his hotel and my roommates went out with the band. None of them really remembered much the next morning, but they did say they had a fun time.

Crystal seems to know what I’m thinking and explains everything for Calum. “We hung out in the VIP viewing area that night, and when we went out after, I did get to meet your roommates. They were all so sweet, but we were all pretty wasted, so not sure if they remember it.”

“Sorry, I should’ve mentioned you could hang in the VIP section,” Calum apologizes. “I figured you’d prefer the pit.”

I laugh nervously. “Yeah, I do prefer the pit, but just feel bad if we kept you guys out of the backstage area that evening.”

Crystal shakes her head. “No, you were totally fine! We just went out for dinner before the show.”

I just nod. I didn’t realize they all had such a large entourage.

“I’m glad we get to meet you this time,” Crystal adds, still smiling very kindly at me. “Is this your first time to London?”

Calum has his arm around me and is lightly tracing shapes into my side and I’m at ease with his presence. Crystal isn’t scary or anything, but she seems eons cooler than I’ll ever be and she’s far prettier than I am. She also just seems to have it all together. I’m trying to make a good first impression.

“It is,” I answer. “I love it. Yours?”

She shakes her head. “No, I’ve been a few times, but I love it too. Anyway, I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys, just wanted to pop over and say hi. Come find me during soundcheck if you want someone to hang out with.”

I smile at her graciously. “Thank you, I probably will.”

Crystal gets up then and walks back over to Michael, who greets her by wrapping an arm around her waist while they pick up their conversation with their friends. The whole lot of them seem to mesh together like they’ve spent a lot of time with each other. It’s just crazy because there are so many of them.

“Wait, doesn’t your sister live in London?” I ask suddenly, realizing Calum’s sister doesn’t seem to be in the crowd. I look back at him and he giggles.

“She does, but she’s in LA right now.”

I sigh with relief. Meeting all these random people is a lot, but meeting Calum’s sister would be even more intense. She’s family. She’s not someone you introduce to a girl you met at a nightclub a few days prior that you hooked up with and invited to another show.

“What’s she like?” I ask. Calum smiles at the question, a light appearing in his brown eyes.

“She’s amazing. An incredible songwriter and singer. She’s kind, and she’s like a big sister to all of us, really. She’s my best friend. I’d do anything for her.”

“What’s her name?”

“Mali-Koa, but we just call her Mali.”

I look down at his arm, the name familiar because of the tattoo there. I trace the outline of the bird. “Like your tattoo.”

He nods. “Yes, like my tattoo,” he says. “Do you have siblings?”

I grin, instantly seizing my chance to show him pictures of my brother and getting my phone out. “I have a little brother. He’s four. His name is Eridanus, but we just call him Eri. He’s the sweetest boy ever.”

I pass Calum my phone with the album of photos with Eri and me lighting up the screen. He scrolls through, stopping at the one where Eri smeared brownie batter on my face and we both were laughing uncontrollably.

“You guys are cute,” Cal comments, handing my phone back.

“Boys, stage in 5!” Matt appears out of nowhere and disrupts the entire room’s conversations.

There’s a collective groan and Calum downs most of his beer quickly before he kisses my cheek, saying he’s gotta use the bathroom and will see me after soundcheck.

“You’ll be okay back here, right? You can also come watch, but it’s usually pretty boring. Or I can give you some cash if you want to go grab a coffee nearby or something?”

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. He gives me a grin before he runs off.

I decide to take Crystal up on her offer and make my way over to her. She lights up as I approach her, her smile widening.

“Can I hang out with you for a bit?” I ask.

“Of course,” she says. “Here, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Crystal guides me through the group like I’m a show pony. I try to remember everyone’s names but it’s a total lost cause. Everyone is pretty nice, but some are more interested in meeting me than others. I don’t blame them — I’m sure there’s a fairly consistent rotation of people coming through this group in my shoes. It might not be worth trying to really connect with girls like me.

After I’ve met everyone, she shows me where the bathroom is and where I can get food if I’m hungry. Then, we head to the side of the stage so we can watch soundcheck. She takes me to Calum’s side of the stage instead of Michael’s, saying she sees it almost every night, so missing it this once isn’t that big of a deal. He looks surprised, but pleasantly, when he notices us, waving at me. I give him a thumbs up.

The soundcheck lasts for about an hour, and they play a few songs that they didn’t play at the Madrid show. I’ve tried to study their discography over the past few days, but I haven’t been able to learn everything yet, so I don’t know which songs are which. When I get a glimpse of Crystal’s face while we watch, she looks so proud.

“How long have you guys been together?” I ask her as we walk back to the dressing room.

Crystal laughs. “We’ve been friends for a while, but officially together for about 6 months.”

“So you’re used to… all this? By now?”

She laughs again and shakes her head. “I don’t think it’s something you ever get used to.”

I’m opening my second bottle of beer when the boys come backstage again, Calum coming straight to me. Crystal winks at me when he approaches and ducks away to catch up with Michael. I spin around to face Calum.

“You don’t have to come straight to me, you know,” I tell him. He’s taking a few gulps of his own fresh beer.

“You’re my guest,” he defends. “I’m not just gonna leave you hanging.”

I roll my eyes. “I can fend for myself.”

Calum laughs quietly. “Trust me, I know you can.”

I raise an eyebrow at him and take a swig of my beer. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, maybe that you moved to a country you’ve never been to alone? You navigated two international airports alone and the transit systems? Hell, Matt likes you. That’s something.”

“It’s not that hard. You just follow signs.”

Now Calum rolls his eyes. “Let me talk you up, please.”

I bite my tongue, holding back on making a snarky comment. Instead, I do my best to smile at him somewhat sweetly. “Fine.”

He kisses me again then and when he pulls back he grabs my hand in his, pulling me away from the mass of people and out the door. Once outside, he turns us around a corner so we’re away from the bodyguards and crew. As soon as we’re out of everyone’s sight, he grabs my hips and gently pushes me against the cinder block wall with his beer bottle pressed against my side.

Calum grazes his lips against mine, hovering without making full contact. I take matters into my own hands and wrap my arms around his neck to pull him down and kiss him, but my beer bottle, slick with condensation, slips out of my hand and crashes onto the pavement, shattering.

“Shit!”

Calum falls into a fit of laughter, stepping back to assess the mess I’ve just made. “What is it with you and spilling drinks?!”

read next chapter

a/n: not that i need to justify it but flashback chapters serve as some relief for all the weight of everything going on and also i want people to LOVE orion and cal together. that's the bigger goal ofc.

[kennyomegasweave]

Well I guess this is growing up?

I went to finish the last two episodes of a show from early 2023 that I remember not super enjoying, just to start episode 7 and realize that it’s actually really good? But there is a theme song and credits and while those were playing I was sitting on my couch thinking “I have NEVER seen any of this?” So I guess that’s what happens when you watch everything shitfaced at 4AM on a weekly basis.

And, okay, I knew I had a drinking problem. I was aware of it. I knew it was a huge elephant in the room that everyone just didn’t talk about. I knew it was killing me (I’ve had the results for years of what it was doing to my heart to show for it!). I've even been arrested due to things I’ve done while drunk. But I didn’t care because I first tired to kill myself at 12, then again at 18, and by my third attempt at 19, I figured staying drunk all the time couldn’t be an issue since I was clearly fucked up already. I actually convinced myself that being drunk was keeping me alive. Despite the fact that I tried to kill myself 6 more times since I turned 21. Including the last two attempts (September 2022 and April 2024) being while I was extremely drunk. And yet I still convinced myself that I would be dead without drinking. Which is some crack ass addict thought process, I know, because clearly drinking was, at the bare minimum, not helping me stay alive since 8 of my 9 suicide attempts came after I started drinking at 17.

I really was drunk for YEARS. I don’t remember most of the shit I watched, most of the shit I read, most of the shit I listened to, most of the games I went to, most of the concerts I saw, most of the shit I talked with people. I genuinely don’t remember years of my life if I really try to put it together. And that fucking sucks. It’s a really shitty feeling to realize you don’t remember YEARS of your life. It’s even more shitty to realize you didn’t even realize it got that bad.

So after saying all that, May of this year seemed to knock something loose in me. I went down to LA for a BM concert, one I was looking forward to for months, and I got so spectacularly drunk, I was an entire fucking circus the whole show. I ate shit down the stairs at the venue during the first opener–we’re talking a complete shitshow of a fall where my legs were up on the stairs, my face was smashed on the ground (no bruising at all on it though!), and my glasses broke into three pieces. I fell walking to the metro station after the show. I dropped my broken glasses in the crosswalk of Hollywood and Vine and didn’t bother to try to pick them up cause I knew I wouldn’t be able to get up if I bent down to find them. I fell in the metro station before going up the escalator. I fell on the sidewalk after getting out of the metro station. I started a fight with my best friend after I got us off at the wrong station and couldn’t read my phone’s maps due to no glasses and the 18 drinks at the concert (with the added 6 pack I pre-gamed before the show), refused to get in the uber she called after she realized we weren’t walking anywhere near our hotel, and, you guessed it, fell on the sidewalk again. After finally getting in the uber, I proceeded to cry out the window while saying nothing was real anyway (I was having a DPDR episode for a few days at that point, so obviously getting drunk in a place I wasn’t familiar with was def a smart choice). I then fell three times in the hotel room: once by the plush chair, once in the bathroom, and once between our beds. All while continuing to drink until passing out around 4AM. On the way home the next day, I had to pull over to sleep in a Bakersfield Wal-Mart parking lot for an hour and a half because my hangover was too bad to keep driving back home.

After that absolute shitshow of a concert trip, I realized being drunk was causing me to embarrass myself in both public and private. It was also actively making me enjoy shit less, and when you have as many diagnosed mental problems as I do, you don’t need help not enjoying shit. So with that realization and having finished my last drink in the hotel in the early AM on May 15th, I made it 100 days sober. Then I got shitfaced on what was supposed to be 101 days because I thought I killed one of my kittens by stepping on him. I went out and bought a shitton of booze around 8PM on August 24th and straight chugged until noon on August 25th. I wanted to punish myself and, highkey, wanted to get fucked up enough to off myself for my failure with the kitten. Obviously, I didn’t off myself and Johnny (the kitten) turned out fine since I didn’t step on him, the little shit just startled himself when I walked near him and got stuck under the door jam, where he started freaking out. But I am happy that happened because, just like the BM concert made me realize how much being drunk was making me embarrass myself, this made me realize that drinking really wasn’t doing anything for me. It didn’t make me happy, it didn’t make me hate myself more than I already did, it didn’t bring me courage to make a bad decision, it didn’t do shit except make me miss the Twenty One Pilots concert I had tickets for later that day (the second time I missed them, might I add, due to being drunk since I missed them in September 2022 due to my hella drunk 8th attempt being three days before their concert).

Which now brings me to 114 days sober tonight. In total, there’s been 352 days of the year so far and I’ve spent a total of 214 days sober. I’ve been drinking for 17 years. I have NEVER not drank for that many days out of a year since I started. This shit is WILD to me.

I can’t say if I’m never gonna drink again, I can’t say “I will never get fucked up again” because I don’t know the future, but I can say that I feel better without drinking. I’m not breaking bones and getting bruises from falling. I’m not in extremely risky and unsafe situations, often while alone. I’m not puking every other day for five straight hours. I’m not getting arrested. I’m not having breakdowns on my instagram stories. I’m not sitting at my kitchen counter crying for four straight hours because I was drinking for five hours when the tears started and was only able to get them to stop after drinking for four more hours.

This year, I’ve had fewer bipolar depression episodes, fewer bipolar hypomania episodes, fewer bipolar mania episodes, and fewer DPDR episodes. I haven’t stayed awake for 50+ hours at all since May. Shockingly, cutting out a fucking drug has improved my mental health. Who knew? Not me, clearly. I still have hella problems, but they’re way more manageable now.

I’m able to sit down and watch a TV show and remember what the fuck happened. I’m able to go to a concert and remember everything happening. I’m able to cry at things again without needing to be shitfaced. I can fucking feel again. I still struggle with a lot of my feelings due to some of my mental conditions, but I AM feeling shit again. It's not all good shit, but the fact that I'm feeling anything at all is fucking wild to me. I never expected I could ever feel like this.

Shit could be a lot better, but shit could be A LOT worse. And as someone who’s lived through a lot of the worse, I’m so good with right now.

[hananoami]

The subway series offline activities are about to start🚇Hunters, please sit tight and hold on tight!

🚇 Dimension-breaking escalator companion screen launch Take the elevator up slowly with him, look at each other side by side, and feel the sweetness of being so close.

📍On July 11, People’s Square Station, station concourse level escalator (between the two toll areas in the station concourse of Line 1, located in the transfer area between Line 1 and Line 2/Line 8)

🚇Love and deep space super happy women special train

Four major themes, diverse styles, go on an exciting and interesting journey with him!

📍From July 12th to 26th, Shanghai Metro Line 2·Love and Deep Space Themed Special Train *On July 12th, the [Exterior] of the subway will be decorated, and on July 13th the [Interior] of the subway will be decorated (Note: The four major themes are the interiors of the carriages). If you want to get a complete themed train experience, it is recommended that hunters 7 Go and ride after March 13th. *The train will run around the clock during the published operating hours, waiting for hunters at different stations on Line 2. The train cycle (referring to one-way from the origin station to the terminal station) has about 12 trains per day.

[Special Note]: The subway operating hours are under the jurisdiction of Shanghai Shuntong Metro Group. They are subject to uncontrollable fluctuations due to many factors. It is impossible to completely avoid the possibility of temporary suspension of theme trains due to daily train maintenance and other reasons. Hunters, please understand.

🚇Xindong Photo Offline Check-in Exhibition Take offline photos together and take photos with him in a tacit understanding. Shanghai People’s Square Subway Station will open a special check-in exhibition to leave heart-warming memories with him in the midsummer~

📍From July 11th to 24th, the entrance gate of People’s Square Station Hall of Line 1 (near Gate 17) lobby area

🚇Bailian ZX large screen launch If you are excited to travel, make an appointment with him. Shanghai Bailian ZX Fun Center will launch Love and Deep Space on the big screen. Welcome to check in!

📍On July 12th and 14th, outdoor large screens at Shanghai Bailian ZX Creative Field; 📍Indoor multiple LED screens from July 12th to 14th In addition, Bailian ZX mini program "Meta ZX" will also open a lottery from 14:00 on July 10 to 18:00 on July 26, giving away 5 copies of "520 yuan in cash" ~

💡Special Tips: Because the subway is an important means of public transportation, if it causes people to gather for a long time, the relevant departments may order rectification or cancellation. Therefore, hunters are also requested to abide by the relevant order and avoid staying for long periods of time and occupying traffic roads. Thank you for your cooperation.

[dumplingsjinson]

Okay so a LOT happened today. This is going to be a mess, so yeah, just a heads up!

TL;DR at the very bottom, like always.

One thing before I start: Even after all of this has happened, there’s a part of me that wonders if he likes me or not but it’s definitely solidified the fact that I like him 😂

On with it!

So I met up with him at the train station, and we went to one of the art galleries located 10 minutes away from the station. Nothing much really happened here. We hugged as a way of greeting and I held back on kissing him because I didn't want to startle him, and I also wasn't sure if he'd be okay with it. I did link arms with him and shit during the start of it but eventually let go.

Anyway, we were in the city for probably an hour before we hopped on the train (I was leaning on him and everything during the ride because I was tired lol), then changed to the metro, then got to his car so he could drive us back to his suburb.

We walked around the shopping centre for like, an hour. While we were on the escalators, we would like... Lean against each other and shit; doing shit couples do. At one point, he was placing his chin on my shoulder and had his hand on my waist and I was like OMGREONGKNREG.

(Funny thing about this: his mother was also at the shopping centre, because he saw her car parked near his, and he called her about it. All I heard was him repeating my name over and over again after she asked him who he was with. He didn't address me as a friend to her, just like how he didn't address me as a friend to his other family members the last time I went to his house so like... Oop. Good sign, perhaps? I never saw her at the shopping centre, but when we got to his home, she was just pulling out of the driveway to go to a party. So I met her for like... Five seconds lmfao.)

Anyway, the house was empty. Everyone's gone. I was in his living room lounging around for a bit, and then like... 10-15 minutes of me being there, he invited me up to his room and this is where things get... Interesting.

Things after this are going to be a bit out of order lol, I'm writing them as they come to me.

We were lying on his bed and he was all snuggled against me (keep in mind, his bed is a single bed so it's quite a tight fit for two people, and it means we kinda need to be pressed up against each other so the person who's on the outer side doesn't fall off the bed lmfao). He was telling me stories about his life, I was telling him stories about my life, he told me about his exes (he's been in two relos before: first one was for 2 years, second one was for 3 years. Been like... Two years since he's been in a relo since lol, or least a serious/long term one afaik). He ended up telling me about his exes because I was kinda asking him, "So do you do this with other people?" (the cuddling and kisses on the face and stuff) just to like, see where he was at with all of this, which lead to him being like, "No, unless we're talking about exes".

I ended up telling him how I've never been in a relo before (since he asked) and have only started using these dating apps seriously at the start of this year, and that I never really met anyone interesting and then he was all like, "Until you met me." LIKE. DAMN BOI. OKAY. I SEE HOW IT IS.

He was kissing me on the face every now and then, and at one point he asked “Can I kiss you?" and I non-verbally say yes, so he leaned in and kissed me and I'm just- LEKNFEKLWNF. I wanted this so bad, and it's finally happened! (This is the first and last time of him asking me that lmfao - every other time after this is him kissing me unabashedly and me kissing back. The first time he tried to make out with me, I kinda pushed him away because I wasn't feeling it too much, but after that I was like... Fuck it. I want this. I want him in whatever way I can have him. I caved really bad lmfaoooo.)

He was telling me how I smell good (my perfume is winning me points!), and I was like "you smell good too" because fuck me, he really does smell so good wlfknewklfn.

He kept calling me cute/adorable while cuddling up against me.

I'm wearing something deemed kinda hot for a day like today (I thought it was going to be cold but I guess not), and so he asked me "You sure you don't want to take that off? Or you could wear one of my shirts instead?" and I'm like UH NO IT'S FINE LWKENFLWEKNFKLN. I literally only had my singlet on under that shirt, and I also didn't really want to change lmfao.

At one point, we napped a bit; we woke up and ended up switching positions. I'm on the outside of the bed and he's on the inside.

More cuddling ensued. And when I say cuddling, he was like... Literally pressing up against me. You know the "bodies pressed flushed against each other" type of scenario? Yeah, that. Our legs were entangled, he was combing his fingers through my hair, he kissed me every now and then: all over my face, on my lips. (At one point, he was literally on top of me while we were making out, and that was when he started peeling back my turtleneck and trailing kisses down my jaw, then down to my neck LAKEJNFEWJKLNFEKLNF. And I was like "please don't leave any marks" LMFAOOOO. And yeah, he just kept doing that over and over again. At one point I wanted to be like “Can you kiss my neck more” BUT I WAS TOO SHY SJDKDK).

Told me, and I quote, "I could kiss you forever." So yeah. I'm just going to fucking combust somewhere, thank you!

He continued to call me adorable and cute, and I'm out here being like "stop lying, I'm not cute or adorable" and he's like "I'm not lying. You are adorable." We're like basically bantering every now and again lmao, and I end up calling him adorable at one point because he kinda is tbh.

But anyway, he was all like "you're so soft" and "you're so warm and cuddly" and "you're so cozy" and I'm just l;kJEWLKFNWEKLNF plEASEEEE I LIKE HIM SO MUCH LMFAO AND HIM SAYING ALL OF THAT IS NOT HELPING MY CASE.

He continuously checked on me to make sure I'm okay with him doing all of this, which I honestly really appreciate because it's just so like... Sweet? Told me if he's being too much then to let him know. And honestly, he wasn’t. He was being just right. I loved every bit of what he was doing to/with me, not even gonna lie. So I let him know I was okay with this, and that I was comfy with what he was doing.

We both were are being really clingy with each other, and were teasing each other about it and shit HAHA.

During all of this, he slipped in a, "So where are we going for the next date?" SKGNLWNKN. SOOOOO. I guess we're dating? (As much as I wanted to ask what exactly we were while we were all snuggled up against each other, I think I'll save that for after another few dates lmao.) At one point, when I had my head on his chest, I could hear his heart beating so fast, and when I asked, "Are you okay? You nervous?" he's like "I'm fine. Pretty sure that's the normal heart rate" so I'm all like "Yeeeeah, sureeeeee. Whatever you say." (My heart rate was through the roof, I checked my Apple Watch for my heart rate while he went to the bathroom and... Yeah. It told me everything I needed to know. I could practically feel it beating out of my chest and I was hoping he wasn't able to hear it wlkfnekwlnf).

AND OH GODDWELKFNWEKN at one point, he told me "Try kissing my neck. If not, I'm going to kiss your neck" and I was like "You're saying this like you haven't been kissing my neck already" LMFAOOO.

We dozed off every now and again while snuggled up against each other, and when we woke up, we'd cuddle some more. I had my leg over him and everything, much like a koala, and he was slotting his thigh between my legs and everything. Just... Pressed up against each other. Big spooning me at one point. Back hugging me. The lot. I was DYING the whole time.

All I can say is that this man got so fucking comfortable with me, and I loved every bit of it. That's how fucked I am.

Did I mention how he kept telling me I should stay the night? And I kept saying "I want to but I can't." Like, just before I left he was like "Are you sure you don't want to stay the night?" ELWKNFEKLWN He wanted me to stay the night so bad, and I wanted to stay the night so bad (and I let him know, saying shit like "I want to so bad but I can't" and "I don't want to leave but I have to" because if I didn't, my parents would most definitely kill me lmao).

The first time he asked me that and I said no, he was like "Maybe next time", but then he kept asking me again after that anyway LMAO. I was kinda fuelling him on since I flip flopped between "Maybe I should stay" and "But nah."

And oh GoddddDDD, I was like "I won't see you again for a bit because of how busy you're going to be for the next few weeks" and he was all like "Yeah, so let's cherish this moment."

And yeah... At one point, I told him "I wanna stay here tonight because I know I'm gonna miss you once I leave but I gotta go home". So uh. Basically a confession and a half on my part LMAO.

Who knew clingy me was also very unfiltered? Though I will say, there were other things I wanted to say to/tell/ask him but I kinda held back lol.

I also was like "You're going to have to teach me a lot of things" and he was like "So what do you want me to teach you?" and I got all flustered because of that EVEN THOUGH I WAS THE ONE WHO FUCKING MENTIONED IT LWEFNKLEWN.

And I also asked if I was too boring (since we were just laying there and cuddling and shit and I wasn't really initiating much LMFAO) and he was like, "No you're not."

And oh yeah, he also asked if I was feeling shy in a playful manner and I just ran with it and used it as an excuse whenever I didn't want to do something with him lmfao. He was never pushy about the things I didn’t want to do, though, and he really did stick to the, "Don't worry, we can take things slow."

AND JEJDKS his dad came home after work with pizza and I didn’t end up going down to eat anything because I wasn’t hungry, so I didn’t meet his dad… And then just as we were leaving the house so he can drive me home, I see his dad in the newly bought massage chair, sleeping away and I was like OOP-

Thank God none of his family saw me with messy fucking hair because that would have been bad 💀💀

He drove me home after that, I hugged him good night and kissed him, told him to message me when he got back home, and yeah. He messaged me and goes “can’t wait to cuddle more 🥰” or something like that, and I replied with “sameeee. I’m always down for some cuddles” 😭😭😭

So yeah. We basically spent the whole day cuddling. He kept kissing me all over the face. He kept calling me cute/adorable and cozy and comfortable and LKNEWKLFN. Complimented me and shit ahaha. We spent our sweet time kissing again and again and again lksnfewnf. We were just very, very affectionate with each other (I told him that he was very affectionate and cuddly and he was like “anything wrong with that?” and I was like “nope. I like it that way, at least with you” and he was like “I’m glad.” I let him know time and time again I'm new to this, and he kept reassuring me about it. I was all like "I'm not familiar with this" and he was basically like "Well, get familiar with it because I'm going to be doing this a lot."

AND YEAH. THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT HAPPENED. This recount is all over the place because I'm writing everything down as they come back to me rather than having the events be in order; everything has kind of blurred together lol, and some things aren't said verbatim.

TL;DR: We went out, then we went back to his home and spent like... 5-6 hours just cuddling in his bed before he drove me home. We made out so many fucking times, to the point where I've basically lost count on how many times we did that, he was whispering sweet nothings to me, he kept playing with my hair, he kissed me all over my face, kept pecking me on my lips, he was trailing kisses down my jaw and my neck, he didn't want me to go home, we were bantering here and there AND I think he wants a fourth date... So. Yeah.

[moonogre]

Hello T! I would like to write to you with good news, if I can remain coherent enough.

It’s another absurd summer Friday in Montreal. My cousin J touches down for the first time in the city after the sky bursts open with the heaviest showers from the season. When I see J at the bus terminal I burst into tears, which I am prone to doing when I am often overcome with positive emotions. We swap tales: J tells me about an eight hour pedestrian lay over in New York City that is a skin crawling fever dream of grimy labrynthian metros, super sized rats, and escape routes predicated on the kindness of random strangers. They had also narrowly avoided some manner of altercation at Jamaica Station involving panhandlers and cocaine. My story is that I hadn’t finished tidying the apartment for their arrival because a last minute first date had devolved into a tousled half day of bed pleasures. My latest lover had left and came back and I had mostly tried to flirt my way past the strange things I revealed about myself over sweet cocktails and hand rolled pasta in my neighbourhood watering hole: how I had moved around a lot as a child, how my family had succumbed to the strange collective hypnosis of a religious order, how they had came focus on my quirks to an abusive extent, how my mother had hit me for the umpteenth and final time before I had pushed her down the stairs, and how all that business had come to an end only after that. We had laughed and I tried to assure her that I’m more sweet than creepy and it works despite my knife collection, shibari paintings and preserved organ specimens.

B picks up J and I and we go to a place where we can drink cocktails from a golden swan. We holler and laugh over mounting absurdities: are we meant to dress in leather for a fetish party we had been invited to tomorrow? Is B having another threesome— his second in a fortnight— with a charming gentleman that looked the splitting image of Mac DeMarco? We drink tequila in B’s jeep which has been affectionately termed the “car bar” for the evening. We go to another location: a basement speakeasy filled with smoke and hot with all the dancers sweating it out to disco. Our bartender looks like a runway model and makes us drinks: B has a Rusty Prick, J has an Apple a Day and I ask for “a fruity cocktail that is perfect for a basic bitch,” which turns out to be something sweet and delicious. We dance and are joined by a gaggle of girls, and one makes eyes at me and tells me that we should twerk together all night and make men buy us drinks. I laugh and my phone is dead, as per usual, and I cannot take her number; which is a shame because of our escalating flirtations. Her friends take J and B and I to another hidden bar within the speakeasy that is a tiny affair and there are hundreds of eucalyptus bundles handing from the ceiling. We are five rounds of tequila shots deep when we decide that it’s time to call it a night: during our hasty exit we run into B’s threesome prospects and I bend over cackling from the enjoyable stupidity of the night. We can’t leave now, so we go back in and I tell B that I am here to babysit this threesome into existence. There is a man break dancing and waving around a cane. Another man moved to me on the dance floor and holds me in his arms and whispers that he thinks I am the one for him and that I won’t ever break his heart and I laugh and agree despite knowing that none of these things are true: this is a ploy to get me, J, B and B’s potential bedfellows free alcohol. I am a lesbian and have no intention on remembering anything about this man past my letter to you. B sees this all unfold and laughs at me from across the room, and rescues me when my dance partner becomes too insistent in his necking, which may have been fine had I been awarded with the drinks I had asked for. But they never came.

B makes good progress getting to know the folks for the ménage-a-tois. J and I stumble back outside and I insist we retire for the evening. I abandon B to his machinations. J and I cackle the whole way home.

We miss you. We love you. We are happy! We promise 🥰

[aventurasdeunatortuga]

Sunday, July 21st

Last full day of this trip.

I managed to actually very easily change my train tickets back to Seoul for this morning and booked a last minute hotel. The train journey was very quick and seamless.

I had wanted to go back to my original hotel in Seoul but it was all booked up, so I found one sort of nearby but didn’t realize until after I booked it that it was a capsule hotel, where you basically get an 8x4 wooden box with a little door on the end, the box sits on a shelf with 8 other boxes per room. The hotel itself was honestly one of the worst I’ve ever been to, not the worst, but definitely up there in the top 5. At least there was proper ventilation and air conditioning is all I can say. Bathroom was definitely very scary.

After putting my things in my weird little wooden box on a shelf I went out to _____ market to go try to find a suitcase. I have bought way too much stuff here, more than I’ve ever bought on any other trip before, so I got a whole separate suitcase.

Then I went over to Myeongdong and though I’d been to that neighborhood plenty of times I somehow didn’t realize there is a big shopping street there that I ended up on. I went there to go get my haircut.

I hate getting haircuts so I almost never get them and then my hair gets really long and damaged. Korea does beauty and hair salons like no one else, so I told the stylist to give me whatever style she thought was best. She told me she was going to cut it short and I said I was okay with that but was still shocked when without even looking she lopped off a good 5-6 inches of hair.

She did a fantastic job and it turned out really well. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy with a haircut.

After that I got some dinner. I love Korean Barbecue but they serve such huge portions it’s usually best to not go alone, a lot of barbecue restaurants here will actually turn you away if you’re eating alone. My first night here I found a place that served small portions, and I was able to get barbecue again with a girl I met on a group tour another day, but today I was all by myself and they served huge portions. I was surprised they didn’t turn me away, I was fully expecting them to. The staff were laughing after I ordered. I was very determined though and managed to eat it all.

The last thing I did was go up to Namsan Tower, it’s a huge tower on a hill on the outskirts of town that has the best view of Seoul. They had a little outdoor elevator / escalator that took you up to the bottom of the second hill, from there you take a cablecar up to the top. It was gorgeous. They light it up different colors depending on the air quality that day, red/orange/yellow for poor, green for average, blue for good, and purple if BTS is doing a concert 😂

I took the cablecar/elevator back down to the ground but even though it was only about 1km back to the metro and my hotel it took me nearly an hour and a half. I don’t know why but today my feet just started hurting so badly. It was also still really hot despite being nighttime so I might’ve been experiencing a bit of heat stroke as well. When I finally got back to my little drawer hotel my feet were literally bleeding from blisters.

Until tomorrow,

[kyndaris]

Train to Busan

Unlike the movie of the same title as this post, my train ride down to Busan was uneventful. After a late night out in Myeongdong, bleachpanda and I arranged for a slightly later start to the day for our transit down to the famous port city. After enjoying a breakfast at Starbucks (there appear to be hundreds of them in the heart of Seoul, although there are also a ton of other coffee shops as well), we made our way towards Seoul Station and the KTX station within.

Let me tell you of the hassle it all was once we stepped out of the metro! Stairs everywhere the eye could see. And not a single escalator. Yes, there was a conveyor belt for luggage but it was limited to those who would be taking the airport line.

Thankfully, bleachpanda and I hadn't bought too many souvenirs just yet and could still manage to lug our bags up and down the many flights of stairs taking us from the metro station to the KTX station.

As we waited for our designated train (bleachpanda and I had pre-purchased our Korail tickets online), we took a gander at the shops for those looking to take a high-speed cross-country train. Unlike Central Station in Sydney, there were numerous places to eat AND the entrance to a local department store. More importantly, there was a Kakao Friends store. It was here that bleachpanda went and bought Apeach (her constant companion for the rest of the trip and whom I said looked ugly). Given we couldn't open up our luggage right there at the station with everyone watching, bleachpanda managed to cram her Apeach into her already bulging backpack.

On the train, bleachpanda slept through most of the ride, citing a headache which I doubted was authentic. I, on the other hand, eagerly looked out at the passing scenery before reading a few pages of I Am A Cat by Natsume Soseki.

While I would like to sing the praises of this Japanese author, the truth is...I found the writing tedious. In fact, by page ten, I could barely keep my eyes open. So, I fiddled with my phone and looked out at the scenery. I may have even fell asleep myself although I couldn't say for how long.

We pulled into Busan at around 2 PM and went for a quick bite to eat as we hadn't had lunch (we did buy a few snacks at a convenience store but I needed something heavier). Once we were functioning human beings again, we braved the rain and headed to our hotel nearby: Asti Hotel Busan to check-in. After we offloaded our luggage in our room, we decided to cross off a few key tourist attractions close by despite the weather.

So, off we trotted back towards Busan Station and Texas Street right opposite it. Then it was down into the Busan metro system as we headed to Busan Tower, which is also commonly known as Diamond Tower. Due to the poor weather, it felt like we were the only ones there as we bought a ticket up to the observation deck.

But while I would have loved just seeing the city from on high, Busan Tower also had a lot of interactive activities inside. They even had a QR game (our end prize turned out to be a couple of pens), one needed to locate within and outside the Tower. This made our time there much more worthwhile after trekking to Yongdusan Park.

And despite the overcast day, bleachpanda and I were still able to see quite a bit of the city and get in our required bird's eye view. I even bought a fridge magnet and another postcard to send to my friend. However, unlike N Seoul Tower, Busan Tower didn't have the facility to mail off my postcard.

After we had drunk our view of the aerial view, we descended down into the bowels of Diamond Tower, hunting down QR codes and engaging in the game that had been organised. Once we had claimed our prize, bleachpanda and I headed to to Gwangbok-ro Fashion Street, which was just on the other side of the Yongdusan Park and down into BIFF (Busan International Film Festival) Square where there was a ton of street food.

Google tells me there are apparently handprints of famous Korean actors lining the streets but I didn't notice. Alas, perhaps another visit is in order.

We did, however, stop at a sushi restaurant called Manatsu for dinner. Bleachpanda even got to enjoy her share of tuna while I revelled in eating something that didn't have kimchi served on the side (something which I can't eat because it's gosh darn spicy)! Our appetites sated, we returned to our hotel to prepare for a busy day on the morrow as we would be heading to several destinations given we were only staying in Busan for only two nights.

Looking back, I can honestly say we should have stayed in Busan longer but alas, Japan was calling.

[thistransient]

Ah, a perfect illustration for me to muse about KL.

- For some reason I expected KL to follow a similar flow; after all, I was also going back after ten years (and thereby redoing a somewhat malcontent experience with the ex). However, I made many tactical errors here. I did not make solid plans, I waffled and faffed about, unable to decide if I was staying here or going there (inevitably, I stayed as it required the least effort), I had no real meaningful social interaction, I stayed in a hotel with no breakfast, I was bereft when faced with description-less menus in down-to-earth local establishments ("what do you recommend?" or "which is your favourite?" to the server is a very dangerous question indeed). I feel somewhat remorseful that I did not commit to a bit, either complete sloth and hipster cafes, or truly dedicated tourist-ing. I also stayed directly on Jalan Petaling, and found in a strange way (okay maybe I'm really stretching for a complaint here) it detracted from the fun of going in search of the place to be if you're staying smack in the middle of it.

- When I went to Seoul I did research. I had plans. Things to see! Places to go! I stayed at a guesthouse and had some friendly interaction with the host, and daily provided breakfast. Most places I ate at had picture menus for wayward foreigners, or at least I was familiar enough with Korean food and Hangul to figure things out. It was suitable weather for rambling around. I was having a bittersweet life transition ending Chinese class, and revisiting Korea after ten years!

It was also not the weather for extended trotting about outside (I did eventually partake in the time-honoured tropical tradition of walking around the giant multi-storey AC'd mall though).

- This is not to say I didn't enjoy the hipster cafes and art spaces (once I actually got out of bed). Or staying in a hotel room bigger than my own apartment, with nice bedding (even if I never figured out how to turn on the hot water in the shower). But in hindsight it feels kind of a coagulated blur. When I was there, it was an elastic eternity, and now that I'm back, almost as if I never left. Perhaps I simply wasn't in the right frame of mind, or perhaps I was just somewhat brainwashed by the blaring music from the bars across the street until 3 or 4 AM my first few nights there.

- I will say though, I had a very heartening experience being gendered unequivocally correctly around 99% of the time. One thing about Chinese is that with no spoken gendered pronouns and a formal "you", it is very hard to tell how people are perceiving me in Taiwan until they are trying to redirect me to a different bathroom, which is really not the optimal situation in which to find this out. Malaysia is very into the sir/ma'am honorifics. I suspect there is also some effect had by a more conservative, illegal-homosexuality sort of culture where clothes and styling are great determiners of which box one gets sorted into, vs Taipei where it's fair game to assume that maybe you look like that cause you're just really, really gay?

- The metro escalators in KL go much faster than I'm used to an escalator going (I'm not complaining). The metro in KL is also disjointed and confusing and the ticket machines are uncooperative for wrangling.

- I don't want to judge a group of people on a whole based on their hospitality personas, so I'll just say at the least, Malay Malaysians working in customer service are very charming and friendly.

- I really intended to eat a ton of fruit and then I just...didn't, maybe because I am used to buying fruit whole in multi-kilo volumes and eating it at home, but the hotel was not conducive to that at all (no mini fridge, no knives).

- Every time I go to Singapore/Indonesia/Malaysia I come away wanting to learn Malay/Indonesian because it is just so delightful to look at the stack of languages in one piece of signage and have no real idea which word matches up to which in English. (Well, that's not entirely correct, I can recognise some basic things à la "saya suka makan pisang" after those two weeks couchsurfing in Sumatera some years ago. But then, I'm always torn because if I want to learn an Austronesian language I should really just go for Filipino so I can actually understand half my tumblr dash- I cracked open a teach-yourself sort of book at a hostel in Cebu once and my brain simply refused to unlatch its death grip on Chinese at the time, but maybe there's room for another grammar system in there now?)

- On the plane back there were (or so it sounded) at least two children who threw a fit and screamed bloody murder at full lung capacity (I am really not exaggerating here, it was impressive) when we experienced turbulence during takeoff and landing, but I had already put in my hotel earplugs, and simply smiled to myself thinking of how I'd learned, through a visit to Teotihuacán one year, that when the Aztecs sacrificed children to the rain god, the more they cried the better the rains were expected to be.

- For the first time ever at Taoyuan Airport the immigration officer examined my passport in minute detail (even some kind of little magnifying glass thing?) and asked how long I was staying, which reminded me a) I forgot to make myself look presentable and b) I claim to live here but I actually have zero guaranteed right to it at the moment (sleep deprived and not having eaten since breakfast, this threatened to send me into an emotional spiral until I reminded myself of those compounding factors and decided to save that thought for after dinner). I said I was leaving on the 19th (because that is the date for which I still have an unused exit flight). The officer seemed pacified and stamped me in for another 90 days. But maybe it is time to finally put some effort into reestablishing my formal alien residency.

- Last but not least, maybe I should have stayed in KL cause apparently Taiwan is having a heatwave and it's gonna be 39C tomorrow, and KL will be a chilly 31 or so.