#and on a different note: yall. the medical stuff on this show is AWFUL.

[bluecollarbisexual]

My dad was a fire captain for calfire. I’m a nurse.

Started watching 911 for the bisexual rep that’s cropped up recently, as I’ve watched much worse shows for a lot less. Was really excited to watch a dumb procedural with a compelling bi storyline since I feel like the experience of figuring your shit out/exploring your sexuality older is a distinctly bisexual experience.

My experience of actually watching the show has been a little surprising though. I went into it mostly just stoked for a queer storyline that I could see myself reflected in. But what’s sticking with me more is the way I’m sort of understanding my father.

It took me until I started working as a nurse to really be able to understand even a fraction of some of the stuff I was only peripherally aware of as a kid. The way he resisted to the point of rage when I was insisting on wanting a motorcycle. The way he would angrily tell me how he spent too many nights scraping people off of the freeway for him to ever condone me buying something like that.

When I finally started working in medicine I began to understand some of his trauma, and the way it made him angry. I’ve learned what it’s like not to be able to save people and to watch them die, sometimes horrifically.

I didn’t go into this show expecting any real insights. I just wanted a fun romp with a queer reward. But weirdly the standout character has been Bobby for me. I see a lot of my father in him. The trauma and the fear and the still putting the turnouts back on and going out there under the influence of some drive that’s 1 part naturally-born hero, 1 martyr, and 1 part adrenaline junkie. And the mark that these kinds of jobs leave on the people who do them.

I grew up hearing stories about horrific motorcycle accidents. About how my father wasn’t there to help my mother when I was a newborn, because he was in San Francisco responding to the devastation of Loma Prieta. About how after one particularly nasty stretch, his brand new turnouts were completely black from blood. About how I didn’t recognize him and hid behind my mother’s leg when he came home after months on the line one fire season.

And this shit did take a toll. I’ve seen a lot of his anger, his inability to cry or mourn even when his father died, his tendency to fly into fire captain mode over even really mild emergencies. He couldn’t even finish the movie Seabiscuit because he couldn’t stomach the kid dying in the beginning of the film. Watching similar struggles of Bobby’s character, the PTSD, and the situations that contribute to it, is making me appreciate the life he lead in a way that not even being a nurse can.

Anyway I don’t expect anyone is particularly interested in this. I’m in season 2, and just a little surprised by the way this show is hitting me and just sorta needed to reflect on it.

If anyone is also in emergency/medical (or has a loved one who is) and has had similar experiences watching this show I’d be interested in hearing from you.

[talonbite4596]

This took over 20 hours to make I'm deceased... I'm glad it's done I need a break lol

Close ups on the pins under the cut!! (And some extra little notes for fun)

The formatting and graphic design could be better but, again, I just want to be done 😭 so ummm oops sorry !!

Yay yum yayaya art woooo yes !!!

More notes for fun !!

- when I say "loves animals (... not many, but still)" it means he can, has, and WILL burn squirrels alive for free entertainment, as well as shooting animals for fun... but he would also cry and feel awful if he stepped on a dog's foot... he's got favorites, basically, and does NOT hide it

- sun freckles, because why not

- kinda a dirty kid... literally the definition of "boys will be boys 🤪" where he's just always getting into the weirdest shit. You take your eyes off him for 1 second and he returns with mud all over himself and probably has a cat or something and just has the dumbest smile on his face !!! Idiot kid love him tho

- I added a gir pin because I love gir and for fun, doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense.... just roll with it !!

- made him Trans bc psychonauts as a whole is a trans allegory in my mind so, it made sense !! And because he's... 10 he hasn't done anything medical yet, just socially transitioned !! (Adding this point because some people see that and think the wrong things, like those ppl who think 4 year Olds are getting surgery and forcefully getting hormones jabbed into them. NO that's not happening)

- if he was a 2000s kid he'd like a lot of different things, like Mario and sonic games, and certain TV shows and movies (like invader zim, pokemon shows/movies, Disney stuff etc. Just general kids stuff yk?)

- sasha gave him coffee once.... he then proceeded to ramble about random things for hours while he tried to help work on things. So, he was able to focus better but won't shut UP (I'm projecting)

- he enjoys media that reminds him of himself, which is the "odd man out" type stuff, it helps him feel better about feeling like he doesn't belong bc he knows he isn't alone. It's sad but it helps him idk!!

OKAY IM DONE (for now) but yippee wow isn't that cool !!! I'm curious what yall think so lmk if u wanna !! I love hearing what Y'all think of my stuff, and I might post more headcanon type stuff later on if that's something ur interested in, honestly just send me an ask if u wanna know my hc for specific characters!!

OKAY goodbye drink water 💖

[starlightkun]

lmao i saw this on my dash and was wondering if you felt this way

https://www.tumblr.com/16woodsequ/727490027584667648?source=share

cause you rarely write drabbles, everything you write is like full fic length and takes longer and i see you posting little progress updates and little notes about each fic without spoiling. as someone who likes to talk (may or may not be the adhd idk) i cant imagine being in your position like WEREWOLF SUNGCHAN! EXISTS! IN MY MIND! AND ON THIS DOCUMENT THAT YOU CANT SEE! BUT HE'S REAL!! HE'S REAL TO ME!! like how do you do it? having no one to scream to about your fics when you're writing? and having to wait until its completed and uploaded to have people to talk about it with? like especially with all the crack fics you're writing atm, i would be BURNING with the need to show people how funny your writing is

p.s. medication update: im going to switch from methylphenidate to dexamphetamine tmr because apparently im intolerant to ritalin and i think you're on dexamphetamine rn? im hoping that i see some benefits from it. btw your success is keeping some of my spirit and motivation up despite how abysmal ritalin was for me so thank you for posting about how Adderall was for you i really appreciate having someone experiencing meds alongside me 🫶🏻

-✨anon

link

LMAO sometimes that's me and sometimes i'm writing and i'm like "im never letting another living human see this abomination im writing rn this is the worst thing i've ever written and the only penance for what i've done is to throw myself off a cliffside" like there is no in between im either SO EXCITED FOR IT AND ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT AND AM SO AKSEGKJHKJGKTR or i think it's awful and consider deleting it almost immediately after like this scene for changer2 im writing rn like literally as i got this ask (im not gonna delete it but she is gonna b HEAVILY EDITED)

it's fr so hard having werewolf sungchan AND hockey player sungchan BOTH IN MY MIND RN LIKE 🤪 screams everyday i put on my uniform to go fight in the idgaf war on the side of gaf 🫡🫡🤪🤪🫡🤪🫡🤪🤪🤣🤣🫡🤪🤪🫡 lest we also not forget that single dad kun is in here too and some other fellas that yall dont know abt like its soooooo bad in here for me

sometimes i contemplate posting random one-liners or snippets when i write things that make me teehee extra hard or r like rlly 🔥🔥🚨🚨🚨 but i always get worried about spoilers versus teasers soooo i keep it locked away all to myself and maybe go a lil crazy idk who's to say so i do more vague type stuff like talking about how there's a 2.6k makeout scene without posting any actual lines from it, or saying that one of my favorite character bits that i think is genuinely super funny is in dr. magic but not saying what it is, etc., etc., OR also doing ask games like word in a wip where y'all can try to get some lil snippets from me (which i feel i am always very generous with lol)

p.s. to ur p.s.: very happy to hear that you're getting switched off the meds that weren't working for you! i'm on "amphetamine salts" (generic adderall) which is a combo of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine, but pretty much yeah it's the big one in the amphetamine class of adhd meds. it has a sightly different effect than dextroamphetamine alone since it has levoamphetamine as well, which lasts longer and can produce better results in some people (pls go w ur dr on this im not giving medical advice omg just what i learned in my psych classes and the information i've been given). i actually just saw my dr today to check in on how i was doing on the adderall (reg check-up appt). i was rlly worried bc the initial good results i saw in the first days were practically gone after like the first week and i was practically back to normal (i.e., bad. my kitchen is a fucking mess again) and when i told him that he was like "lol that's fine! that was just the trial dose! so we can up you to a normal dose now since you saw good results at first" so hopefully i'll be functioning again 👍 so i love this for us 🫶 rooting for us 🫶🫶

[itspdameronthings]

Going Home chapter 3

Summary: Apple meets the brothers for the first time. The brothers would learn something new about Santi,and so will Apple.

Note: this is has been a labor of love. thanks again to @autumnleaves1991-blog,and @aellynera for helping me spitball ideas for this series,and the courage to write. There are some Oscar Isaac easter eggs in this. See if yall noticed them.

Warning: fluff. having fun on Karaoke night. Major smut(18+) happening towards the end. under 18 readers should not be reading that part

Apple was kind of nervous. She is gonna meet his friends.As much he talks about them.feels like she already knows them. Both of them got home at the same time. Which was a good thing. Both of them change into something comfortable. Jeans and tees. Santi kisses her cheek," relax mi armour. There is nothing to get nervous about. Benny and Will are fun to be around.you will fit right in." She picks up her bag as they get ready to go to have a fun filled evening.

The rest of the boys arrived at St. JAMES INFIRMARY. A local hangout. Where three of them used to come to have fun. Even though they could not drink back then, they would do the annual open Mike night,and play pool. Frankie brought them their drink,and sits down. Will is the first one to speak,"so what is Santiago's like? You said you grew up with her?" Fish giggles," she is something. Tomboy. Fun to be around with. Always there to help. She went into the Army as well.She was a medic. It tore Santiago apart when we all went our separate ways. He always depended on her. For advice." Benny looks up from his glass to see Santi and Apple walking in. He sees his friends. Smiling as they went to the table. He introduces Benny and will to Apple. First thing out of his mouth," so how did you come up with the nickname,Applejacks?" Apple leans against the other booth," that is simple really. Santi gave it to me since I always ate Apple jacks for breakfast. It was fitting. I'm the one who gave him the nickname, Sharpshooter." the look on the brothers was priceless. Seems like they never heard that nickname. Santi sips his drink," she gave me that nickname for never missing my target when we used to go shooting as kids." Benny chuckles," nice to know you had another nickname. I like it. Explain your shooting skills,but I'll still call you Pope though."

Santiago knew the day would come to tell her how he got his nickname. Knowing it was not his proudest moment. Heck! He was young and did stupid shit. Not to mention he was exploring his sexuality,and could not help it if he was handsome! Time for him to confess to his friend. Before he goes back to the others. Ordered himself a couple of shots of Tequila to take the edge off. So good to have his friends to back him up. Santi is afraid of what his Apple would do. Will she understand or would she blow her stack? No time like the present to tell her. He sits next to Apple and takes a deep breath, “ I wanna tell you sweetheart. I was young and didn't know what I was doing. Heck bet you did some stuff when you were young that you regretted. This is how I got the nickname Pope. First of all . you want to hear the clean version, the raunchy one or both?” Apple sighed,and took his hands into her soft ones,” Just tell me. Hold nothing back. I’m ready for you to spill your guts.” Santi takes a deep breath,” Reason i got the name Pope is because when I was making out with a lady. She would scream “pope” which the others in the barracks heard. Another reason is when I did something wrong I would go to church every Sunday to repent my sins. Lastly, if my mom were to find out I did not attend church? I would get the worst beating from her when I went home on leave.” After he mentioned his mom. Santi takes another shot,and a weird face when he mentions his mom. How he missed her. Tried so hard to be the son she wanted him to be. Knowing she is proud of him when he went to Columbia to make a difference over there. He got up from the table and went outside so he could get some air. Poor Santi. Her passing is taking a toll on his heart. There were times he would be walking around his old home soaking up all the memories of her. Apple went out to look for him,and saw him sitting on a bench. Head in his hands,and felt Apple’s hand touching his shoulder which caused him to flinch. Looks to his right,and sees his angel.one person he needs right now. Pulls her close to him. Runs his hand on her arm while he tries to calm down. All she could do is comfort him,” it's alright honey, let it all out. I’m here for you. Not going anywhere. For the reason you got your nickname? Well.. you were young. Exploring the other side of yourself. Don't worry about me getting mad about it. Like the old saying,” what is in the past stays in the past.”. Santi wipes his eyes. Thinking how lucky he can be to have Apple by his side? They sat outside for a few moments so he could calm down enough so they could go back inside to enjoy his friends. No! His family.

Both of them went back inside to see what was going on. Oh right! Karaoke night At St. James. This is gonna be fun. As both of them go back to their booth, they see Will sipping on his beer. Watching the acts and Frankie and Benny arguing on what song to do. Apple asked Will,” Are you gonna go up there? “ Will takes another sip of his beer,” Not my thing. Benny is the talented one of the family. Are you gonna go and make an ass out of yourself with them?” Apple took a sip of her drink,” Yep, I’m pretty good,but not as good as Santi though.He is so amazing. That voice would make anyone feel better. Wait! Ya’ll never heard him sing or play a guitar?” Will shakes his head. Wonder why Shooter never told his friends about his beautiful talent. Only her and Frankie knew about it. No time like the present for Sharp shooter “Pope'' Garcia to go up on that stage to show his friends what he can do. Apple went over to the bartender she knew to see if he still had an old guitar so Santi could play. Score! He did,and went to get it. Santi sees what is going on, so he leans on the counter whispering to Apple,” What are you up to? Wait! No no! Not gonna happen. Nope sorry! Not happening!” Apple kisses him,” Come on! It would be okay!! You have an amazing voice!! What? Will and Benny tease you about it? I don't think they would! Time to have some fun!! Or i can go up there and sing with you?” Santi smiled.” If I were to do it. We are going to sing From the edge of the deep green sea.” She smiled,” you got it!!”

Both got on stage to get ready to sing. Apple whispers.” Have fun. I got your six. “ Santi smiled and started to play the guitar. The audience got quiet as they started to sing. It was like magic in the air.Santi got so into the song as he was singing. So did she. They always sing it when they hear it on the radio. Benny and Frankie went back to their booth. Benny whispers,” never have guessed it.Pope can sing and play a guitar. He has been holding out on us.`` Frankie said,” I knew. When he is in a good place. He would be singing and playing guitar. His dad taught him. When he died. Pope stopped playing. Now seeing him play right now? It is a miracle.” After the song ended. The audience went crazy. They wanted more!! Santi told them he would play again soon. Apple hugs him tight,” Tell me! Was that fun? Your dad would be proud of you!” He rubs his neck and sighs,” yeah, it was fun. Think i felt both of my parents while I was up there.” When he said that broke her heart.Thought she did a good thing for him to get up there. Both of them went to join the others. Benny and Will gave them a huge hug. Benny pats Santi on the back.” Yall are so Fucking good up there! How can Frankie and I top that!!” Frankie laughed. Time for them to go up there. Apple, Will,and Santi sat down to watch them sing a party song. Will knows what the song was. Every song that was drilled into everyone's head Friends in low places by Garth Brooks is his go to song. How did he ever persuade Frankie to do this with him is a mystery!! When they started to sing. It was so much fun watching them dance as well!! Apple went to the karaoke player to pick out her song.

Santi wondered what she would pick. It could be anything. After they finished their performance. Time for Apple to do her thang. Her song choice was I’ll be your shelter by one of her favorites, Taylor dayne. When the song started to play. Santi knew it!! Love how she moves when she sings that!! Every now and then she would wink at Santi. Then he blew a kiss to her. When the song ended. He took the guitar and went on stage and sat on a stool,and took the mike,” i want to dedicate this song i wrote years ago. It’s about a person I thought about nonstop for the last few years. My best friend. Whom I never would never see again. It is called Never had. “ Apple was in awe!! How sweet is that!! He would look at her while he was singing. Took her breath away!! When he played the last chord. Everyone got up from their seats and applauded and lots of cheers. Santi went right over to Apple to hug her,and the boys went over to hug him. She is so proud of him!! It was getting late so everyone said their goodbyes. Apple lays her head on Santi's shoulder while he drives.

What a night!! Full of laughs and tears. Now that is over. All they want to do is go home and be alone with one anotherAs they pulled the car under the carport. All she could think about was what had happened that evening. Learned about Santi’s other nickname and him singing a song he wrote just for her. Made her heart flutter! He is so sweet and oh so talented! She is so worn out! Yawns and goes inside so she could shower and go to bed. As soon Apple sits on her bed. Pulled off her jacket, shoes and her jeans. That is when she lays on her bed and falls asleep.

Santi goes around the house. To make sure everything is locked. Turns off the lights,and goes upstairs. Sees his love fast asleep. Sits on the bed.Moved some hair out of her face. Kisses her forehead, that caused Apple to open her eyes. Gave Santi a sweet smile,and he kissed her again,” Can see someone is tired. Want me to help you put your pjs on or you want to sleep in your tee?” Apple smiles and sits up while rubbing her shoulder,” was gonna take a shower.but guess i didn’t make huh” Santi chuckled,” nope you didn't honey. How about we both take that shower together,and we can snuggle?’

Apple nods and he pulls her up so she can undress. Santi has other plans, pulls her tee over her head,and places a kiss on her neck and shoulder. Causes her to moan,and leans close to him as he undoes her bra. She was so lost when he touched her! Her head rests on his shoulder as he continues his kiss fest.While her hands wrapped around his waist. Pulls up his tee so she could feel his warm skin. Santi looks down at her with a smirk,” thought you were tired hermosa? Or you were fibbing . “ Apple giggled,” I’m still tired. Could not help it! You are so close to me. Could resist the freaking urge!!” he throws the bra on the floor. Staring at the beauty that sits before him. That is when she covers her breast. Not because she was shy or anything. It was getting rather cold. Santi picks her up,and carries her to the bathroom. While the water is heating up. Apple sits on the counter while Santi slowly undresses in front of her. What a sight to see. Tanned from head to toe. Well toned body. Even Though it was not the first time Apple has seen him naked since he has been home,it still takes her breath away. Santi still in his boxers ,and her still in her thong. Started to share a lustful kiss. Tongues searching eachothers mouths. Santi pulls her off the counter,and takes her thong off with a swift hand, then he takes his boxers off as they enter the shower. Leans Apple under the water as he kisses every part of her body he wanted to kiss the first night he came home. Which sends her over the edge! Now it is her turn to touch santi. She kissed him slowly at first. Then let her hands roam. Rubbed his pecks, kissed his nipples that caused him to moan her name loudly. Saves his fine ass for last.

Santi could not take it any longer, he kissed her again. Caused apple to gasp for air. His kisses always took her breath away. Santi finds her body wash,and rubs some on his hands so he can rub it on her. She closes her eyes as he rubs it on her. Moans his name as he reaches her thighs! She is putty in his hands. All she could do is hold on to him. God she is gonna explode when he rubs her clit! Wraps her arms round Santi’s waist so she could steady herself. Santi whispers,” i know you like what I'm doing to you, mi amor. Let me take care of you. Want to make you come like crazy.”

Apple kisses his neck as he continues his quest. Which causes her body to quiver. Something she had never experienced before! Does not want this to end!! She wants to touch santi so badly! Felt his fingers going inside her. Let out a scream,” Santi! Don't stop! Please take me now!! “ Santi smiles as he continues to mark her neck,” Hold on baby! Want to get inside you,but you have to wait! Can you do that for me?” Apple nods when he turns off the water,and dries her off ,and carries her to her bed. Lays her down gently so he towers over her. Looks into those beautiful eyes he loves so much. This is what he needs now. After his emotional breakdown about his mom. He needs to focus on one thing that makes him happy. Is soulmate. Kisses her again slowly touching her. She could feel his bulge between her legs. Wished he would just stop teasing her and just get inside of her already!! Closes her eyes as Santi goes to work again. When he gets to her inner thighs again. Then licks her clit again . loves how sweet she tastes,and he looks into her eyes,” you ready for me i see hermosa.? Hang on for just one more moment. Need to get you wet for me. Then you will receive the gift you want so much.”

When he is sucking her pussy , Apple lets out a scream of desire that causes her to grab hold of the headrest. It is the signal he is ready for,” ready for me to rock you like a fucking hurricane baby?” Apple giggles.” Can't resist you with a line like that shooter. So fuck me already!!” Santi is so ready to enter her. His cock enters her slowly and does not want to hurt her. Lays on top of her as he grinds her slowly. She whimpers.” I'm about to come baby!! Feel so fucking good!!” Santi whispers .” not yet my love. Hold on till i say. “ Apple moans ,” Can't hold it in much longer please baby!!” That when she finally comes. This was his plan. For her to explode. Santi finally calms down so he could kiss the come from her pussy. Then goes into the bathroom to get a cloth to wash off the rest he could not reach. Apple’s eyes were about to close when he finished cleaning her up. Santi lays beside her, rubs her cheek . she leans to his touch,and lays on her side facing him. Looking at him with love in her eyes. Rubs his cheek,” You know , i still can't get the song out of my head. That was the sweetest thing you have ever done for me. I love you santi!!”