#and oh man the stomping thundering piano

[villainesses]

one of my fave things she's ever sung

[allsassnoclass]

maybe I wrote an off-screen epilogue scene.  maybe I didn’t. click the keep reading button to find out

warnings for mentions of weed and a mention of meds

December 26th dawns slowly over the mountains of Colorado, the sun creeping over the landscape like molasses, and Luke wakes up in the same way.  He stays in the murky space between dreams and waking for a long time, floating through his subconscious until Ashton’s gentle fingers trailing up and down his arm finally pull him back to earth and wakefulness.

“Hey there, angel,” Ashton says, shifting to kiss his bare shoulder.  “Good morning, my love.”

“Morning,” Luke hums, turning on to his back so he can see him.  This bed is smaller than the one at their LA house, pushing them closer together and reminding Luke of the months in Utah back when they first got together and earlier this year, when Luke stayed with him for most of fall semester.

Ashton smiles at him, hazel eyes crinkling around the edges.

“Waking up to you is the best way to wake up,” Luke says, voice scratchy from disuse.  It’s something he’s told Ashton multiple times, but it always bears repeating, and it never fails to make Ashton melt a little.  He reaches forward and brushes Luke’s hair out of his face, hand curling against his cheek.  Luke leans forward and kisses him, warm and slow, stubble scratching his face and mouths stale with morning breath.  Ashton hums contentedly when they pull away, eyes staying closed half a moment longer than Luke’s.

“What time is it?” Luke asks.

“Mid-morning,” Ashton replies.

“Petunia?”

“Already took her out and gave her breakfast.”

“I love you,” Luke says.  Ashton can claim to dislike Petunia all he wants, but that doesn’t change the fact that over the course of quarantine he has been the one giving her more treats and belly rubs.  His willingness to get up with her in the morning means Luke is free to stay in bed as long as he wants, and since Ashton returned he can keep him here, too.

“What do you want to do today?” Ashton asks.

“Be with you,” Luke says.  That was partially why they decided to come to Colorado for Christmas.  Ashton wanted a little bit of snow and Luke wanted to spend uninterrupted time with him.  When spring semester starts, Ashton will be heading back to Utah alone.  Luke has been writing and recording a lot of smaller projects in his home studio that will likely never see the light of day, but beginning in January the band is going to have recording time together again.  He’s needed with them, so he and Ashton will be long-distance until the semester ends since the university isn’t having a spring break and they won’t be traveling more than necessary in the pandemic.

“You don’t have a choice out here,” Ashton says.  “The cabin isn’t that big, my heart.”

“Good,” Luke says, hand sliding down Ashton’s waist.  His pet names have been getting increasingly diverse throughout quarantine, and each one still manages to give Luke heart palpitations, even the weird ones like thunder cat and lemon zest.

He leans forward to kiss him again, shifting easily when Ashton tugs to guide him on top, thighs bracketing Ashton’s waist.  Ashton moves his palms to rest heavily on his legs, and when Luke leans back he’s met with the sight of his black hair messy against the white pillow, a ray of sun illuminating his face and making him glow.

He runs his knuckles along the scruffy beginnings of a beard Ashton has been letting himself grow since classes ended.  It’s prickly, but Ashton doesn’t stop him, just watches with a smile.

“You’re so handsome, Ash,” he says.  The eclectic mountain man vibe he’s been leaning into shouldn’t work, but somehow Luke looks at him and is still as enamoured as he was with the adorable boy he didn’t realize he loved and the beautiful man he married.

“Take a picture.  It’ll last longer,” Ashton says.  Luke moves his hands to the smooth planes of his chest, keeping himself propped up.

“I think that’s your expertise,” he says, reminded of the hundreds of photographs stored on Ashton’s phone or various sim cards around the house, all filled with Luke in various moods, positions, styles, and states of dress.  One of Ashton’s goals for their summer together was to bring his photography skills up to par with his painting, and with lockdown Luke was the only convenient subject.

They have some pictures that they’ll never show anyone, and there are a few that Luke has considered showing the world.  Needless to say, Ashton is his favorite photographer.

“I wish I had my camera now,” Ashton says.  “Every inch of you is exquisite, and with the way you’re backlit by the sun you look ethereal.  If I could capture the expression on your face I would never take another picture again, because none of them would compare.”

He doesn’t yet have the words to respond to that, so he leans down and kisses Ashton again, and again, and again.

-/-

After wasting the entire morning together under the covers and grabbing something quick to eat, Luke and Ashton go for a walk.  It’s not cold enough to be unpleasant, and the cabin has woods to one side with paths stomped down throughout.  They soon lose sight of the house behind them.  Luke hopes they’ll be able to find their way back when the time comes, but if they get lost at least they’ll be together.

“This year was a lot better than it should have been,” Ashton says.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s a global pandemic going on.  There have been thousands of needless deaths, cancelled plans, and teaching was significantly harder and less fun, but I think this year was my happiest year since I can remember.  I feel really good about my art.  I feel like I’m more aware of the world around me.  I’ve stopped feeling as self-conscious.  I finally got put on meds that work, and I’m actively enjoying my life.”

“You smoked a lot of weed.”

Ashton laughs.

“Yeah, I smoked a lot of weed, but I kept it professional at school.”

“Some of your students’ works would’ve been even better if you were high while seeing them for the first time.”

“Luke,” Ashton admonishes.  “I’m not trying to get fired.  I need the administration for reference letters since I’m job searching near LA now.”

Luke stops walking, letting Ashton carry on without him for a few steps.

“You’re job searching?”

“I am.”  He backtracks, meeting Luke where he is and taking his hands.  “Luke, I’m not stupid.  I know that the reason this year didn’t suck was because it was the first year I got to fully spend with you.  You are the love of my life, and I don’t want to try living my life without you for eight months of the year anymore.  When you’re not traveling around the world dazzling people with your talent, I want to be with you at home.  I love teaching, and I’m going to keep trying to do that, but after this semester I’m moving to LA permanently whether I have something else lined up or not.”

“Oh,” Luke says.  “I thought you loved Utah.  You have friends there, and students.  Are you sure you want to leave that?”

This past semester, Luke was able to fully witness Ashton as a teacher.  When he wasn’t on campus, Luke got full exposure to his joys and frustrations.  He sympathized with him over administrative decisions and safety protocols and got to see pictures and video tours of the art submissions that Ashton wasn’t able to see in person.

He gave Daisy an encouraging voice note for finals, because she’s been struggling with trying to complete her senior project given the circumstances and Ashton asked him to since she’s his favorite.

“I have friends here, too, and there will be other students,” Ashton says.  “Even if that wasn’t the case, being with you would be worth it.”

Luke’s heart feels full to bursting.

“Really?” he asks, needing one more confirmation that his dream is going to come true before he lets himself believe it.

“Yes, my sweet.  I’m moving to LA with you for as long as you make that city your home.”

Luke kisses him because the other option is to start crying, something which he doesn’t want to do when they’re out in the cold.

“I think this was one of my best years, too,” Luke confesses.

He came out and then almost immediately deleted his social media from his phone.  He’s learned more about what it means to be a good ally.  He’s grown as a songwriter, stretching himself with different genres and working on his piano skills more, writing dozens of love songs for Ashton and silly ones for Petunia, bad ones, good ones, and amazing ones for himself and for the band.  He figured out what it really means to be a husband, sharing his life with Ashton and able to physically be there for the bad days they both had and celebrate the joyful ones.

Things haven’t been perfect by any means.  They had to postpone the tour, they can’t see anyone, and it often feels like the world is on fire.  Still, though, he’s had Ashton.

Through all of this, he’s had Ashton, and after this semester he’ll always have him with him.

“You’ve been glowing,” Ashton says.  “I’m glad I got to experience it with you.”

“Me too,” Luke says.  “I love you.”

Ashton kisses his nose.

“I love you, too.”

They continue their walk hand in hand, enjoying the fresh air.  Ashton points out signs that animals had been there and Luke ensures that he doesn’t run into any trees while he’s not paying attention to where he’s walking.  The path turns out to be a big loop, and soon they can see other cabins again and then their own back door.

“Wait,” Ashton says before they go inside.  “I want to jump in the snow.  Film it for my instagram.”

Ashton has a professional artist social media, but he also has a private instagram that he posts on frequently.  Luke has gotten very used to snapping pictures or videos for him, always endeared by which pieces of his life Ashton wants to share with the rest of the world.

Ashton takes off his coat for the video and faceplants with a kerplunk.  As soon as he’s done filming, Luke is laughing.

“That was fun,” Ashton says when he hands his phone back to him.  “Want to make snow angels?”

“No, Ash, I want to go inside,” Luke says.  He gets no warning before Ashton has arms around his waist, tackling him down into the snow and making Luke shriek.

“You’re so lucky I love you,” Luke laughs, poking Ashton’s pink nose with his glove.  Ashton beams above him.

“Can we go inside now?” Luke asks.  Ashton hums, then snaps a picture with his phone.

“Now we can,” he says, getting up and offering Luke a hand.  Luke lets Ashton haul him up, then they finally enter the cabin again, stomping snow off their boots and brushing it from their coats.

They don’t have any plans for the rest of the day, or the rest of their stay in Colorado in general, but Luke couldn’t care less about what they’re going to do.  He gets to spend the rest of the holiday with Ashton, and then the rest of his life with him.  Soon they’ll be permanently in the same house again, and he couldn’t be happier.

If Ashton managed to transform an awful year into a good one, Luke can’t wait to experience all of the amazing years ahead with him right by his side where he belongs.

[newmusicmonthly]

2017

Hello,

It has been a whole year without a monthly mailer, hence this now being a yearly mailer.

I hope you’ve all had a great year (and that said monthly mailer hasn’t been missed too much… or has it?).

Anyway, below are my top ten picks of the year, plus my five track picks per month for the whole year (which I have sequenced and arranged roughly chronologically, for your listening pleasure, and because I like lists).

Normal monthly service will hopefully be resumed next year.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year, Roger

TOP 10 TRACKS

LCD Soundsystem – how do you sleep?

The Killers – The Man

Godspeed You! Black Emperor – Anthem for No State (Pt.I-III)

The War On Drugs – Pain

The Horrors – Something To Remember Me By

Spoon – Whisperi’lllistentohearit

The Orange Drop – The Curse of Kukaka

Endless Boogie – Back in ‘74

Chris Forsyth – Have We Mistaken the Bottle for the Whiskey Inside

Ron Gallo – Young Lady, You’re Scaring Me

TOP 10 ALBUMS

LCD Soundsystem – american dream

The Horrors – V

Endless Boogie – Vibe Killer

The Orange Drop – Stoned In Love

The War On Drugs – A Deeper Understanding

Mount Eerie – A Crow Looked at Me

Broken Social Scene – Hug Of Thunder

Michael Nau – Some Twist

Boubacar Tarore – Dounia Tabolo

Richard Dawson – Peasant

Special mention to the best compilation of the year, Various Artists – Wayfaring Strangers: Acid Nightmares

TOP 10 GIGS

31/10/17 – Godspeed You! Black Emperor, The Troxy, London

16/03/17 – Glass Animals, Brixton Academy, London

29/10/17 – The Horrors, KOKO, London

09/12/17 – Marilyn Manson, Wembley Arena, London

01/09/17 – Interpol, Alexandra Palace, London

04/11/17 – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Brixton Academy, London

17/06/17 – The Stone Roses, Wembley Stadium, London

11/02/17 – Matthew Logan Vasquez, Islington Assembly Hall, London

13/06/17 – Prophets of Rage, Brixton Academy, London

26/09/17 – Kirin J. Callinan, Hoxton Bar And Grill, London

Special mention to the best festival of the year, quite clearly Glastonbury.

NEW MUSIC 2017

The Orange Drop – The Curse of Kukaka Strictly speaking this was released late last year; an exemplary psych wig-out.

King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard – Nuclear Fusion Ever wondered what people mean by playing behind the beat? Well you can hear the two drummers play both behind and in front of the beat… in the same song! Mentally groovy!

Dead Horse One – Insight Again, released at the end of last year; a wonderful droning compressed psych embrace.

Miles Mosley – Abraham Man alive this band have chops, a fantastic piano-led soul/funk work-out.

Small Feet – A Winter Coat On Bare Bones I think Stockholm band-leader Simon is special singer/song-writer somewhat reminiscent of Neil Young; a song for lonely winter walks.

Loyle Carner – The Isle Of Arran Great rapper, inspiring lyrics, awesome performer, and one of the best samples all year; nuff said.

Sinkane – Telephone Subtle this is not; big dance grooves.

Ron Gallo – Young Lady, You’re Scaring Me Part White Stripes, part Two Gallants, part Rival Sons,; all rock n roll!

Tinariwen – Sastanaqqam The elder masters of ‘desert’ blues always hit the spot.

Strand of Oaks – Everything Punchy boisterous rock, with a few Elvis/Josh Homme ‘Huhs!’ thrown in for good measure.

All Them Witches – 3-5-7 Love this band; rolling heavy stoner rock grooves.

Chicos de Nazca – Never Ends Even woozier than the above, sun washed tequila haze guitars abound.

Great Ytene – Locus Post punk but also four to the floor rock, interspersed with, and descending into, gnawing nervous, and bordering on atonal, washes.

Cameron Avery – C’est Toi Crooning ‘standards’ love song authentically made modern; big baritonevoice, strings and cinematic appeal aplenty.

W.H. Lung – Inspiration! This is a stellar find, coming across as a mix up of Neu!, Talking Heads and Hookworms, exceptional!

Spoon – WhisperI’lllistentohearit Really good album but it is the propulsive drumming which is absolutely stand-out brilliant on this track.

Tamikrest – Wainan Adobat New masters of ‘desert’ blues in my opinion, this is a great up-tempo number.

Mount Eerie – Ravens One of the most difficult and most emotionally affecting songs I’ve ever listened to. Painfully sad and personal, as real as a portrayal of grief as I can imagine.

British Sea Power – Praise For Whatever A tale of two songs in one, with the first half given to atypical British Sea Power songwriting, before mid-way through out stomps an enormous bass lead groove wig out.

The Black Angels – Half Believing Modern psych kings back on form with this menacing yet mournful track.

Betrayers – Belong Here Raga No idea how I found this, but it’s a chugging bluesy number, although not sure it qualifies as a raga.

Matthew Logan Vasquez – Same Stomping, grooving funk soul rock.

Jane Weaver – Did You See Butterflies? Jane laying down those now trademark motorik bass and beats and ethereal vocals, this time concerned with butterflies.

Thurston Moore – Exalted A slowly unfurling melodic opening gives way to some molten guitar workout, before some almighty build and release crashes, and then comes the vocals; immense.

Ho99o9 – United States Of Horror Speaking of immense, these guys are fucking awesome; turn it up to 11, atop spitfire politically charged lyrics, but unlike anything else out there.

Endless Boogie – Back in ‘74 Boogie-tastic with perhaps my favourite lyrics of the year about a kite flying contest at a Kiss concert in 1974.

Pumarosa – Red Beautiful vocals float above a glorious melody and some seriously tight grooves.

Aldous Harding – Blend Sparse, confessional sounding, but altogether quite beautiful.

Minotaurs – Hipswinger Now I know I go on about grooves, but seriously, this is just groove-tastic, when it drops around 0:55, I mean, hell yeah I’m gonna swing my hips; with added brass.

Richard Dawson – Weaver This is a very unique album; it is a concept album, I’ll say no more; this was the track I returned to most often.

Hey Colossus – In A Collision Chugging rock which also manages to sound ominous and delicate at the same time.

Floating Points – Kelso Dunes Ambient instrumental post rock that really taps into a driving motoric groove, that borders on space rock!

B Boys – B Boys Anthem Arty, brash, tight rock song barely over a minute

Michael Nau – Good Thing The sound of this album is a joy, with warm tones and an obvious hiss akin to old records; this track is the most lovely of the lot.

Peter Perret – Living In My Head This is real climbing up the walls, in your head, blues-esque stuff; how Peter Perret has come back from the brink to deliver this kind of great music is anyone’s guess.

Broken Social Scene – Vanity Pail Kids Industrial pounding opening and a soaring indie chorus.

Holy Fuck – Chains Oh Holy Fuck; this is scary techno, which piles on the layers of noise and pounding beats until your ears bleed; it has it’s time and place, but I love it.

Public Service Broadcasting – The Pit Top band, with another great idea for an album; battle like drums and swelling guitar swirls and strings.

Dan Croll – Tokyo Classy pop song-writing with an absolute earworm of a motif.

Jesus on Heroine – Neu!comers A glorious bed of guitars and gentle swells.

Kacy & Clayton – The Light of Day Some 70s folk sounds, bordering on country vocals, warm yet clear.

Chris Forsyth – Have We Mistaken the Bottle for the Whiskey Inside There is that groove; reminds me a bit of a favourite from last year, The Wave Pictures, in the instrumentation, except this has more drawl.

LCD Soundsystem – how do you sleep? So fucking good; the definitive 101 on how to create a build in a song; ominous percussion, unnerving strings, savagely brilliant lyrics (perhaps a touch Bono-esque), which has drop after drop as each instrument is introduced, building to the brilliant titular pay-off; my only gripe is that James didn’t fucking play it live!!!

The Horrors – Something To Remember Me By Great band, great album, and an absolute banger.

The War On Drugs – Pain Guitar solos; hummable, glorious, soaring guitar solos.

The Killers – The Man This is the best song of the year (except LCD obviously); a groovalicious squelchy lyrical monster; it’s USDA certified lean!

Thee Oh Sees – Animated Violence The heaviest Thee Oh Sees (or whatever they’re calling themselves these days) have ever been; a giant slab of heavy sludge interspersed with bizarre guitar arpeggios.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor – Anthem for No State, Pt.III I consider myself lucky to be here at a time I can see Godspeed play live; they are truly peerless. This best track from their latest album comes across like an apocalyptic mariachi song, with strings, guitars, drums, building to a trademark cacophony before the subtle transition at 6:20 which carries you away; beautiful, mournful noise.

Neil Young – Captain Kennedy Not strictly new music, but from the unreleased ‘Hitchhiker’ album released earlier this year, this is Neil at his folky acoustic best.

Juju – And Play A Game A bizarre but wonderful song built upon one repetitive bass line, which literally has about a dozen genres stuffed in it; stick with it though, and from roughly 2 minutes in it is motorik gold.

Marilyn Manson – SAY10 Manson doing what Manson does best; that chorus is one of the hookiest things I’ve heard all year, and the guitars sound absolutely on point, just the right about of crunch.

St. Vincent – Smoking Section I think of this as Annie’s broadway showtune of sorts, like ‘A Man Needs A Maid’, but it’s more than that, it’s personal, mournful, and yes theatrical, but also has a wonderful send off.

Courtney Barnett, Kurt Vile – Fear Is Like a Forest Much as I struggle with Courtney’s vocal delivery, she does sound great here, and with Kurt layering on the Crazy Horse guitars, it’s just a great track.

Curtis Harding – Ghost Of You Smoky soul and grooves.

New Candys – Tempera Reverb?! Can we get anymore reverb?! Solid psych under 3 minutes!

Baxter Dury – Miami Perhaps the best bassline of the year, slinky and disgusting at the same time, with the lyrics to match depicting a grotesque character amped up to 11, but absolutely delicious.

Baltic Fleet – A la Mortal I have a penchant for crescendo focused instrumental ambient rock, which is exactly what this is.

Pete International Airport – Flowers Of Evil Languid grooves buried beneath ambient textures and Robert Levon Been’s (of BRMC fame) trademark sing/sneer, but transitions into a gentle and quite beautiful outro.

Pretty Lightning – The Rhythm Of Ooze With a distinct whiff of Archie Bronson Outfit, this takes a blues riff and pushes it to the max.

Boubacar Traore – Dis lui que je l’aime comme mon pays Absolutely fantastic acoustic blues from the legendary Malian bluesman; it’s the same progressions and structures but with a vital energy and magnificent instrumental interplay which is as rousing as it is impressive.