#and often doesn't think about how his actions effect others sometimes

[age736]

For the Greater Good

Perhaps you do not believe what you are doing can truly be classified as evil. Perhaps some people will be hurt from the immediate consequences of your actions, but what the masses fail to see is the immense good that will come of your plans. Maybe you act in the name of science, or for your people who have fallen on great tragedy. Maybe you see cracks in a failing system and want to uproot it through chaotic, destructive means to avoid greater tragedy down the line. Maybe you're just in with a bad crowd, but you can't leave them, no matter how unsavory their intentions, because they're your only ticket to your ultimate goals. No matter what, your goals are noble, and you take no joy in wreaking havoc or hurting those in your way, but the evils you partake in are necessary. If you need to play the bad guy to ensure a better future, then you are willing to play that part.

tagged by: @acoldsovereign tagging: idk take it if u wanna

[yooniivrse]

early mornings | myg

summary. when time seems to bend every morning and love speaks through tender touches and quiet reassurances.

────

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: established relationship au, tooth-rotting fluff

word count: 1k

content: yoongi and oc wake up in each others arms / they love each other a bit too much and they make it pretty clear / they kiss a lot :3

warnings: fear of abandonment (kind of? if you squint??), allusions to sex

notes: idk why i'm procrastinating the third part of 'stumble into you' so bad, but this is a result of me still wanting to write something. also, ignore the images at the top if they don’t go well together, i’m too lazy to actually put in effort today 😭 likes, reblogs, comments, and asks are all greatly appreciated!! i love you guys and i hope you enjoy <33333

────

main masterlist

────

Amber rays spill across the room, seeping between the gaps in the curtains and kissing your bare skin with its golden warmth.

Yoongi stirs under the sheets, attempting to untangle his limbs from you, who lay beside him. But your arms only tighten around him, and he quickly gives in to the comforts of your touch.

With your head on his chest and his arm secure under your head, he can't help the lazy smile that draws across his lips.

He's always loved early mornings with you; when neither of you have to think about anything else but each other; when time feels like it ceases to exist; when nothing else mattered, because why would it when you had each other?

You were his home; his universe; his first thought in the morning and the most frequent visitor of his dreams. Everything reminded him of you, and it was maddening. But he welcomed the longing with open arms, because he was a fool.

Because he knew that it was worth being foolish if it meant having you.

Yoongi places a kiss on your forehead, his lips pressing against a few strands of hair that lay messily across your face. The scent of your skin, faintly sweet like the lavender soap you use, lingers in the air as Yoongi buries his nose in your hair, taking in the quiet of the morning, broken only by the soft hum of your breathing. He moves his hand to rest over yours, running the pad of his thumb over your knuckles.

He doesn't expect the gentle action to wake you, but your eyes flutter open. You hum, the sound quiet and laced with exhaustion as you stretch out your body.

Your eyes light up when you meet his gaze and the butterflies in his stomach erupt, fluttering around wildly.

"Morning," you whisper. You peck his lips with a soft kiss.

"Morning," Yoongi echoes. A faint blush paints his features, and a giggle tumbles from your mouth. Yoongi catches the sound with another kiss; then a third one that lingers for a few seconds longer than the others.

It is almost embarrassing to admit the effect you had on him. You've been together for years, and known each other for even more. He knows every dip and curve of your body and you have seen him through all of his highs and lows. Yet, a kiss from you still has him blushing.

"Missed me?" you tease, and he hums in agreement.

"A lot." He kisses corner of your lips and the curve of your jaw. "You're so pretty."

You laugh; a soft sound that rings through the air. It has always been Yoongi's favourite melody-the one sound that made his heart swell and his eyes crinkle into crescent moons to accommodate his growing smile.

He tucks a few strands of your hair behind your ear, letting his hand stay to cup your cheek so that he can bring his lips to yours again. He’s addicted to the way your lips fit perfectly with his, and no matter how often he kisses you, it’s never enough

And you can't stop smiling.

The feeling that courses under your skin is almost overwhelming. It still feels surreal—that kind of love, where just being with him made the world right

The possibility of losing Yoongi terrifies you, but it's a fear that follows you everyday. Sometimes, you expect to wake up one day only to realise that this is all a cruel dream, or to find the house suddenly void of his belongings and his presence.

Sometimes, the fear creeps in before you can stop it, a quiet panic that gripped you in the space between sleep and waking. You’d reach out, half-afraid to find the bed cold and empty. But then, your hand would meet the warmth of his skin, and the fear dissolved into nothing. Because every morning, he's here. Solid, warm, and real, wrapped up in the sheets beside you. His sleepy eyes, the soft curve of his lips, the way he pulls you closer as if you’re his anchor—it’s all so undeniably Yoongi, and it makes your heart flutter with a mixture of disbelief and gratitude.

You press your forehead to his, noses brushing, as if the closer you hold him, the more real this will become. Yoongi's fingers trail lightly over your skin, tracing invisible patterns that make you shiver.

“You’re thinking too much,” he murmurs, voice raspy but tender, like he's always known your thoughts even before you speak them.

You let out a soft sigh, trying to find the words, but they dissolve on your tongue when his hand glides over your waist, settling at the small of your back.

“You’re here,” you whisper, more to yourself than him. It's a quiet confession of the relief that washes over you each time you wake up to find him still beside you. He smiles against your skin, a low hum of agreement in his throat. "I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here."

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promises, his voice carrying the weight of every unspoken assurance. "You know that I'll always be right here-right beside you, whenever you need me."

For a moment, the world falls away. There’s no fear of loss, no dread of waking up alone. It’s just him, his presence grounding you, his breath steady and warm against your neck. The intimacy of the moment swells between you, a shared heartbeat that drowns out the rest of the world.

Your legs tangle beneath the sheets as he pulls you even closer, his hand finding yours under the covers. His touch is gentle, tender, as if he’s memorizing every inch of you, and in the glow of the early morning, you feel more connected to him than ever.

You close your eyes, letting the warmth of his skin seep into yours, feeling utterly safe in his embrace.

And in that moment, you know—this is home.

[moetartart]

:*Trigger Warning for Abuse:** An analysis of the nuanced depiction of abuse dynamics in *Baldur's Gate 3*. Please skip if you’re uncomfortable with this topic or you hate long rants <3

**Cazador at the Head of the Table, and His Forced Family, with Astarion as the Scapegoat**

Cazador is one of the best-written abusers in fiction, and Astarion is one of the best depictions of a non perfect survivor. Showcasing how abusers systematically break down their victims in a way that is thoughtful and non-voyeuristic, and how this may effect the victim after.

Astarion often receives criticism for his behavior. Much if it valid. I don’t seek to excuse his actions or speak about him as if he were a real person, But to break down this amazingly written narrative and how his experiences shape his character and a depiction of a non perfect victim. It's great to see actions having consequences in the story and being the driving force in chatecter development and I think it was handled very respectfully

One of the most compelling aspects of Astarion's story is the depiction of the "scapegoat" abuse tactic. Where a caregiver selects one child as the primary target of ridicule and abuse. Astarion says, "He took a special pleasure in my pain. He said my screams sounded sweetest." Often, the scapegoat is the child who most reminds the abuser of themselves when they were most vulnerable, or has similarities to the abuser of the parent or even someone they witnessed being abused when they were a child. The abuser uses this child to demonstrate the consequences of disobedience, and as a way of bonding the other children against the scapegoat, often by forcing the other children to engage in abuse themselves. The parent will inflict the trauma they were exposed to when they were most vulnerable on their child in a twisted way to re-gain their own power and autonomy buy projecting it onto someone elses. Acting out scenarios where they felt weak but now they are the one with all the power.

Cazador's tactics of infantilization are particularly gut-wrenching. He calls Astarion a "stupid little boy" and forces him to call him "father," undermining his belief in his ability to make adult decisions on his own while simultaneously also forcing him into adult work and physical abuse. A way to break down his self esteem and take away his autonomy. This adds another level to Cazador's twisted, intimate abuse.

It's evident when you ask if Astarion called Cazador "master" in the bedroom, and he reacts negatively. It is also implied in the dialogue, "One final thrust... and I'll be rid of you..." as Astarion stands over Cazador, ready to stab him with a phalic symbol and Cazador in a submissive position.

In a Shadowheart playthrough, we see how Astarion seeks someone to follow because he doesn’t know how to think for himself. Auntie Ethel remarks that he misses his chains, and he admits he doesn't know how to make his own decisions. In Astarion's dream, you learn one of Cazador's rules is that Astarion must stay by his side unless told otherwise. We also see that Cazador regularly dined with Astarion, serving him putrid rats. He says "I have spent two centuries with You, and that should be punishment enough," which is quite an intimate insult. In non of these are the other spawn mentioned. He also mentions his sarcasm and jokes, something you wouldn't really think Cazador would permit. This suggesting an intense, twisted co-dependency. A lot of time spent alone together. As what? His child? His slave? His lover? It's sickening. Cazador seemed to want to fill every potential key roll in Astarions life. This is actually pretty common in adults relationships.

The extent of physical abuse is further revealed when Astarion sees the mad doctor in the House of Healing and remarks, "he's just like Cazador." The narrator says, "If you're late, he will flay you... again," and Astarion states, "Sometimes he would have us submit to torture. Other times he would have us torture ourselves."

So, why does Cazador do all this? Beyond sadistic pleasure and rituals off higher power, I believe it's driven by a fear of abandonment. His goal is to strip Astarion of any autonomy so he would return even if freed. When speaking to Cazador alone, he's convinced Astarion will come back because he cannot think for himself. Cazador wants to be the center of Astarion's life, and truly believes he is. A narcissist needing to see himself reflected in others, he required Astarion by his side to validate his awful existence. If Astarion leaves, Cazador feels he's losing an extension of himself. That Astarion is his and his alone to kill.

I also believe he genuinely wants to play house. That he wants a picture perfect family. We don't know much about Cazador before the game, only that he was from a vampire family. That his niece refused to partake. It's quite clear he felt like he was missing something in his family. We know his master committed acts of cruelty far beyond what he did to his own spawn, impaling him for ten years and draining his friend Infront of him. Surly a year of solitude is like being sent to your bedroom without supper compared to that? By Cazadors logic, he's far kinder than he was ever treated. He's been kinder and more loving than his own family. His children should be grateful that he protected them from what he went through. He believes his children are spoiled and if anything he has been to soft. After all, he gave thim his families birth right far above their station, eternal life. He gave them a family that will never abandon them. What more could they want?

And if course, we as plays see this cycle continues with AA, who says he will be a far kinder master he'd never make his dear lover eat rats. They wouldn't be his child, more a pampered pet. Compared to how Astarion was treated, what more could they want?

And how very true to live that an abuser will preach about how much worse they had things and how lucky their victims are. How soft they must be to complain.

This gives us a clear picture of Astarion at the start: someone with a fragile sense of self, preferring to see others tortured rather than be the one in the chair, and looking for someone to follow. He'll fake a smile to keep them around. While this doesn't excuse his cruelty, it explains it; Astarion is free for less than a day when you meet him. There are no perfect victims, and unlearning brainwashing takes time. Reducing Astarion to "evil" or "good" overlooks the complexity of a character who could become either an abuser or a liberator.

What I appreciate most is that Astarion's past doesn't vanish when Cazador dies; he still carries the scars, but in a positive playthrough, there is hope. Astarion has the chance to do better, starts making his own choices, and sometimes gets it wrong.

Crucially, the abuse is never voyeuristic. It is always shown from the survivor's perspective, focusing on its effects on their lives. It's always clear when a player choice disrespects his growth and autonomy. Cazador and Astarion are never framed to titillate or as a mind of grousome special to the viewer, unlike in shows like *13 Reasons Why* or Ramsey Bolton in *Game of Thrones*. The game handles the topic with a lot of care. Infact the only time we see Cazador in person is when we have the chance to stop him. We never see Astarion subjected to something we can alter in some way.

Also, we do hear of Astarions bravery in trying to defy his master and save people. Unfortunately as in the game and real life, people don't always have a choice. Still, in a good ending Astarion can choose to try and help others who have been hurt and use what he has learned to make real change.

The reasons why Cazador is the way he is are another rant entirely. But while I hate him as a person, I adore him as an antagonist. How can a character be written to be pathetic and terrifying at once?

**TL;DR:** *Baldur's Gate 3* presents a complex, nuanced abuse narrative, executed beautifully. Many people overlook or disregard Astarion as an excellent depiction of survival in my opinion.

[anxious-witch]

Okay, so this is likely be long so buckle up. Let's talk about how the height and position of characters affects the story and shows us where they are emotionally or in regards to characters they interact with.

This is the most prominent with three characters, which are Edwin, Charles and the Cat King. But! I will do my best to touch upon the rest as well if anyone finds this interesting.

Considering I briefly touched upon how Charles and his dad have a similar hunched stance, let's start with Charles.

Also TW for talk of abuse and violence, since I do touch upon his relationship with his dad and abuse in general.

Charles is fascinating because he is one character that seems to constantly make himself smaller, either on the same level as the other character he is next to, or sometimes even make himself smaller than them.

This is especially visible next to Edwin, who always holds himself perfect straight and poised. Even in the above picture, where he is slightly leaning back for the dramatic effect, Charles is still hunched down more. With Crystal, yes, he is generally taller, but anytime he can, he does his best to lean down so they are on the eye-level.

This has dual purpose-both because Charles wants to be as non threatning as possible and because he often tries to sympathize with people, to quite literally understand their point of view.

Charles is the tallest character in the series, which I think has a weight on it's own. At first, I was under the impression Edwin was taller, bc of Charles' hunching, but Charled is just slightly taller. He is a protector, he is a brawn, and he tries his best to make himself as small as possible.

We also see that in scenes where he is "beanth" the person he is interacting with, usually happens when is emotionally distressed and/or feels powerless in a situation

The first time it happens in Devlin's house, when he is sitting on the stairs while Edwin and Crystal are standing. This is also right before he snaps and tries to hit the murderous father of the family, actively showing the turmoil he has been going through. Because that's what Charles does. He can't stand being helpless. His feeling below the problems he is facing is symbolized through him sitting on the stairs and he can't stand it any longer so he acts, quite rashly, just to disperse that feeling.

But then, what happens? He gets knocked to the floor, even lower than he was before. And he remains there, frozen.

Stuck in a loop of feeling helpless while being on the stairs, trying to take action and being knocked down even lower. What a metaphor for being stuck in an abusive loophole! Feeling like any time you try to stand up for yourself, any time you try to take action to not feel so helpless, you get into an even worse position. And then, in the end, it's Edwin and Crystal who have to help him out of the loop and who help him back on his feet.

We see him again in a position where amother character is not only above him, but actively lookming over him in a scene with his dad. Moreso, this is one instance where Charles doesn't take this position willingly, but rather, his dad literally knocks him down to the floor and starts beating him.

I think it's also sooo interesting how Charles' mom and the Night Nurse are positioned here. The Night Nurse stands above both Charles and his dad, all prim and proper. Completely unfeeling and separate from the whole picture.

Meanwhile, Charles' mom is above all of them, barely seen in the doorway, but still watching and she is crying. And while I know Charles loves his mom and understands she was likely also abused, I do wonder if this represents his view on both his parents. His dad, who is close but hurts him, who Charles would be on the same level with, if he wasn't constabtly knocked down. And his mom, who is above all that, almost like some sort of holy figure, but still suffering on Charles behaf.

Third time I noticed Charles being in a position where someone is above him was in a scene where Crystal is packing to go back to London, after getting her memories back.

Charles feels both emotionally vulnerable and helpless to stop her. Because he wants her to do what's best for her, but he also clearly doesn't want her to leave. The important part is that here, despite his clear emotional turmoil, Charles doesn't react directly. I believe he offers her his help, to come with her, but he doesn't insist. Which is a big change to the previous instance where we seem him in such position.

I am sure there are more scenes like these, these are just the ones I noticed. But! Shall we look at when does Charles stand full upright and shows how tall he really is?

Spoiler-When he is feelings brave

Framing is also very important and very deliberate. I'll touch more on this in Edwin's analysis, but you'll notice how most of the time, Edwin is always framed as the taller and biggest, either by height or because he is the closest to the camera. But no in the scene where he and Charles talk about Edwin's supposed feelings about Monty. No-it's Charles who is closer to the camera, because Edwin is the one being emotionally vulnerable. Charles holds the power to either lift up or crush Edwin here. And he is very aware of it.

And fulled by that power, by the fact Edwin opened up to him, Charles stands up tall. And when he reaches Edwin, they are practically the same height. Perfectly balanced, in the wake of Charles' acceptance.

In the scene with the Night Nurse, we see Charles practically flaunting his height. Which is in line with him essentially telling her to take him, but to leave Edwin alone. The point is, not only is he fully showing off his power and consciously or not, trying to intimidate the Night Nurse, but he is also shielding Edwin that way. Look at me, not him. I am the one you should feel threatened by, not him.

And of course. Of course. One scene, where Charles is actively above someone else, where he is higher, both in height and positioning?

In hell, during, Edwin's confession.

In an interview from the actors in this post, they actually touched upon this scene and how Charles being above Edwin on the starway was intentional, because Edwin is feeling very emotionally vulnerable.

He is in an submissive position(do not make the sex joke) to Charles here. He is opening himself up for a rejection and Charles is the one with all the power here. Which in and off itself is powerful, but for Charles? The character who constantly shrinks himself down as not to make anyone uncomfortable and threatened, who constantly gets knocked down in a fight by others?

Charles is terrified of being in a more powerful position due to his dad, because what if he turns out to be the same when he is in such a position?

But instead, he uses that power to be kind. He can't return Edwin's feelings, but he can reassure him he cares for him and that they have time to figure this out. And that is what turns Charles' shirt red again. Not only the fact that he is loved, despite all his flaws, but also the fact that proved to himself that he would never knock down the person being vulnerable, even when he hold all the power.

I exceeded picture limit on mobile, but in a scene on the rooftop wjere Edwin tries to apologize if him confessing created any tension between them and Charles reassure him that it did not, they are on the same height again.

Charles is sitting on an wall, so he is elevated, but he all curled up, so he comes on around the same hight as Edwin who is standing. Equals, once again, despite completely different stances.

I believe that's all I have to say on the topic of Charles in this context, lmk if I forgot smth or if anyone has anything to add, I love hearing other ppl's takes too!

[secondbeatsongs]

Hello, you said in some tags in a poll that Speed Racer (2008) is your favorite film. If you’re okay with it, I’d really like to hear more about why you love it. I love the Wachowskis’ work (they’re among my favorite directors), but I kinda ended up bouncing off Speed Racer (2008). So, hearing that it had a real impact on someone makes me very curious why. I’m not interested in criticizing your opinion or arguing with you, I’d just really like to know why you love it in the hopes I might be able to enjoy that movie more in the future.

oh god this is from seven months ago, I'm so sorry - but I do love almost everything about Speed Racer (2008) and I still think about it nearly every day.

I love that it's so bright and colorful and absurd. I love that it's an anime in live action form. and I love that at its heart, it is a story about love.

it's about the mistakes people make out of love, and the consequences of that. it's about the way children grow to understand why the adults around them make the choices they do, and maybe choose to do the same things. it's about taking risks for the people you love, and the pain of failing to change the world, because everything is capitalism and everything hurts.

(and it's also about being transgender btw. like, that's one of the main things about it - it is very much a movie about being transgender)

what if your father's choices hurt your older brother, and your older brother's choices hurt you, and now it's you and your younger brother staring down a future where you're going to end up hurting him by making the same choice?

and then...what if you can escape that? what if the broken parts put themselves back together, and the hope doesn't run out, and you're not alone with the things that haunt you? what then?

and now you're at the end and mistakes were still made, people were still hurt, but everyone's grown and changed and they're different now. and they've figured out that maybe, just maybe, you can change the world by doing something you love, by creating art and beauty and making people feel things.

maybe you really can defeat capitalism by driving a car really fast. and even if everyone thinks you can't...don't you have to try anyway? shouldn't you fight with the skills you have, the only way you know how?

what if it works?

and I'm not even gonna get into most of the Racer X stuff (because I want people to go watch this movie, and most folks probably won't be spoiled for it), but his whole deal is just...everything. I love him.

(if there's a guy from Speed Racer that I want to put in a jar and shake every so often, or maybe wrap in a blanket so he can have a nice nap, it's Racer X. he's a great character. prime blorbo material)

anyway I've been rotating this movie in my head ever since I saw it for the first time, and I think I've seen it...seven? times now? and I still cry at the final race, and I still get blown away by the intro sequence.

(the beginning of the movie is genuinely one of the best things I've ever seen - it does an amazing job of introducing you to the world and the story of the characters, and gets you emotionally invested in it right from the start. it's fantastic filmmaking)

also like. story stuff aside, from a technical standpoint, the movie is a masterpiece. it's the type of thing that people hated when it first came out, but when you look at it now and see how it was made, how it intentionally looks bizarre and cartoonish, plastic and surreal, you can see the exact vision the Wachowskis were going for, and it's brilliant.

the way they did the visual effects, the way they made the outdoor scenes feel so detailed, the way the driving and the tracks work - they put so much thought into that, and the behind-the-scenes vids show how cool their process was.

also uhhh cars go vroom, crash into each other, flip upside down, explode, maybe have bees and hammers in them sometimes?

(the above is me complimenting the unhinged vibe of the races themselves, which I love very much)

anyway I could make other full posts about the script of the film and how much I love it, or the cool side characters, or the fanfic potential of the amazing world of the film, or how I can prove that it's set in 1991...but I guess if anyone wants those rants, they'll just have to watch the film and then come talk to me. :)

(please. please come talk to me about Speed Racer.)

so, yeah! I kinda lost my mind there and made this post way longer than I intended, but I do feel strongly affected by this movie, and I hope this has helped explain why.

[bitterrobin]

a quick PSA on pre-Robin Damian (again):

He has never called himself the "Blood Son". Those specific words have never come out of his mouth in a comic. In fact, Damian has only had dialogue regarding his bio status or another character's adoptive status like... three or four times.

Yes, pretty much all of those times have something to do with Tim in one way another. That's because Damian was less of a character, and more of a sword-carrying plot device when he was first introduced.

Damian's early writing lines up more with that of a minor villain than any supporting character. He existed at first only to rile up chaos in the Batcave for like, two issues, before his death in the fourth issue he appeared. He was introduced in issue 655 and killed by torpedo-submarine explosion in 658. Damian as a character was effectively "punished" for his earlier actions through a violent death.

You need to understand that early Damian (2009 mostly) didn't have a cemented personality or much characterization other than the basics that Morrison imbued into him i.e he was 10, an assassin, lax about death, very sarcastic/rude in tone, and weirdly spoiled despite his upbringing implying the opposite. Grant Morrison tends to write the large story concepts they like and they don't often adhere to any consistent/previous characterization (as seen with Talia) if it doesn't line up with the vision they want. Not even Damian's existence was kept consistent, as it's very hard to believe that Batman #656 Damian has the same backstory as Son of the Demon Damian or the Ibn al Xuffasch of Kingdom Come.

They didn't flesh out Damian a whole lot when he was first introduced, making him more of a spoiled rich kid who just happened to know how to kill people than the Damian that you probably think of. It took later comic appearances and other writers to add onto Damian's sporadic characterization - because he didn't have much major development after being created until becoming Robin and working alongside Dick.

To further characterize Damian as Robin, now that he needed to play against a larger cast and more established figures, writers needed to come up with ideas fast. So some writers played up his League backstory and wrote him colder, more logical and vaguely terrifying. They made Talia and Ras more and more ooc and abusive. They wrote dialogue for Damian that made him more of an annoying little brother figure, impulsiveness and all. Sometimes his dialogue with female characters drifted towards sexism, as clearly some writers can't write young boy characters without relying on shitty sitcom-style misogynist tropes. He got different moments, some skewing towards insanely violent or towards a normal child reeling from issues. This long trek of his writing was always changing in little ways until the reboot in 2011 and his first real death in Batman Incorporated, and then just continued on afterwards to this day.

In short, early pre-Robin Damian was a mess, and it took a long time for DC to develop him as a full character. (Even now, writers are still "figuring him out" and pulling ooc takes out of their asses). We have fun here.

[sirshio]

I promised you all a long essay on Cavendish and his autism, so here it is. But first, some notes.

Disclaimer number 1: there are headcanons about Cavendish's parents and childhood, but they logically connect to his behavior.

Disclaimer number 2: I'm an autistic person and this essay is about my own experience with this disorder. Though many traits are common for autistic people, it's possible you won't find your issues because I don't have them.

Disclaimer number 3: I'm not a therapist (not a professional one at least, just a huge fan of psychology and a child of a therapist), but I’m a person who deeply relates to Cavendish and wants to share this with fandom.

Disclaimer number 4: English isn't my first language, so sorry for possible mistakes and all this stuff, I’m doing my best.

Well, let's start with something small and not so noticeable and then move to things that are almost impossible not to see.

- his gestures. Not only that moment in "Smooth opera-tor", where he squishes a gummy bear (and Dakota said that he "hypnotized himself"), because I assume that this action is recognizable as pretty autistic without explanations.

Have you noticed how he holds his hands together (what is important, when he was young, too) or clenches them in fists? I'm not sure if these actions do have a name (a type of stimming probably), but I do the same pretty often and in completely different moods, I just like to FEEL my body and my skin, this is a soothing and nice feeling, and when I'm nervous, it helps to calm down a little (let's remember how in "First impressions" Cavendish entered Mr. Block's office).

Another gesture that is important to mention is when Professor Time called him by his name and Cavendish literally squealed and held his hands close to his cheeks (in “Phineas and Ferb effect”). Not sure if this is autistic, but I can relate, so I decided to mention this scene too.

(Him touching and holding Dakota will be in another section, though it's somewhat about gestures too)

- his speech. Again, I have no idea if him using rare words (for example, the word “scrumptious”) is an autistic trait, but I like to do this, mostly because I have a special love for words and I like when my speech is as "bookish" as possible, and him quoting Shakespear “the game is afoot” makes me relate to him too, sometimes I like quoting authors from the past. Another thing that I find important is that Cavendish (unlike Dakota) looks like a well-mannered and polite guy, but sometimes it is Dakota who shows politeness and knows how to talk to people nicely. For example, in "The little engine that couldn't" Dakota uses some polite clichés in his conversation with Milo and confuses Cavendish who understands them literally. Or in “Field of screams” Dakota teaches Cavendish how to ask politely (in the scene with that man who believed in aliens). I think that these two examples show different autistic traits that I have too: understanding everything literally and being (slightly) confused about communicating with other people. Like, why should I ask politely? Why should I be nice to people I don't personally like?

- him listing places where Dakota should've put Time Grenade instead of a hollow pumpkin (in “Milo’s Halloween Scream-a-torium”). Again, I'm not sure if this is autistic, but I can relate, too. I love lists.

- his love for rules. As an autistic person, I like to read rules, to make rules (in the most pedantic way you can imagine) and to follow them (of course, literally) - but I follow only rules I understand and like. So I can relate to young Cavendish enjoying both reading rules for time vehicles and using them, but I can also relate to Cavendish who broke rules and wanted to steal some cool gadgets with Dakota (in “Abducting Murphy’s law”). He doesn't like these rules, that's why he easily disrespects them (and actually likes it). I still don't know why I love rules (and I know this is common for autistic people). Maybe because they help to make life predictable, maybe because they help me to behave "in a proper way" and to be accepted... or both at the same time.

- him talking to himself. Once again, I'm not sure if this is autistic or not, but I do this pretty often.

When I'm excited and/or anxious about doing something new, I often talk to myself, like: "Okay, Shio, let's get going, you can do it!" Remember "First impressions", a scene where young Cavendish sits in his student car and is very proud of himself? The same situation, I think.

- him being a Professor Time fanboy. Remember the scene where our gang visited Doofenshmirtz and Cavendish was so excited about seeing his idol (in “Phineas and Ferb effect”)? Above all, he mentioned he has underwear with Doofenshmirtz's image and offered to show them. Well, it was done as a joke, but this is something I can relate to. If I met my very special idol (I assume that Doof is that figure for Cavendish, he actually said that), I would want to share something personal about myself with them. Not my underwear, of course, but still.

- the way he acts and how he expresses emotions. I believe that's very popular among autistic people, that often it's very hard to suppress our emotions. There are more things that cause emotions (things that are just okay for others), we're somehow more emotional than other people (at least I am) and often don't think if this is appropriate to express these emotions right now. I was told to "act normal and quiet" A LOT of times throughout my entire life, and I only was being sincere with myself and my feelings. Let's look at Cavendish, his emotions and how he expresses them. At the beginning, he seems to be calm and well-mannered, but the more we see, the more we can understand that this is not true. He can pretend to be calm, and the way he does it makes me think that his parents had no idea (and didn't want to have this idea, to be honest) how to raise an autistic child. I'm sure that every time little Cavendish got emotional and was acting "inappropriate" (I say it once more, it's really common for autistic people), he was told to calm down and to be normal. That's why (maybe, but this is my headcanon) he pretends that he's super calm and "above all those sillies". But when he's either in a comfortable situation and feels safe and secure (with Dakota, naturally) or gets really emotional - or both - he lets himself be sincere. He exclaims in joy, he shakes Dakota or holds him close, he acts like a dedicated and overhyped fan (over Professor Time, I mentioned this before).

- him focusing on "wrong" things. Again, that happens with me really often. For example, in “School dance” Mr. Block tells these two to do their job because they have no proof Milo is a special agent, but all that Cavendish got from his speech is that he is allowed to find this proof, because this is what is interesting and important to him, which means he stopped listening after that. I can relate so much!

- his somehow childish behavior, especially in episodes with Dennis, his teddy bear. I found a great post by @heloflor . You SHOULD read it right now, before you end my essay.

Autistic people grow in another way, it's different from other people. In some areas of life we're more mature that other people of our age, and in some we're much more immature. I think this is because autistic children aren't allowed to have a childhood that they need. We're very uncomfortable (because the world is scary, there are loud noises, cars can kill you, being in a crowd is a life-threatening situation) and we can't even help ourselves or even express how afraid we are because This Is Inappropriate. Adults near us don't understand our special interests, they think getting stuck with them is a sign of developmental delay, that we're forever mentally infants. We even can't have our comfort objects that help us to live in this very scary world, because - let's repeat again - This Is Inappropriate. Heloflor wrote a really good post about Cavendish's comfort object, please go and read what he thinks about it!

So, to sum up: Cavendish is not childish, he tries his best to deal with his life, he hasn't really had a childhood and tries to fulfill what he needs now.

Before I'll continue with my analysis of Cavendish's autistic traits, I want to talk about his (pretty low) self-esteem. Of course, it's connected to his mental disability, but it is not the same. As we can see, Cavendish needs praise from someone, he needs to be told that he’s done something right, he can't understand it by himself. He and Dakota saved the world? He can't accept that he did good without praise from Mr. Block. What is also important is how he reacts when someone scolds him (in “Time out” there was a scene where where Cavendish lost a vial of strange liquid that caused rat mutation and Brick scolds him). Just look at him at this moment, he is like a child when his parents are angry at him.

This all makes clear that in his childhood his parents weren't happy with his behavior and never told him anything good about him. If a person can't value themselves, this means their parents didn't value them, didn't love them for who they are (or didn't show this love enough and properly). I believe that it is very difficult for Cavendish to understand that he can be loved because he is, well, Cavendish (NO SHIO PLEASE DON'T QUOTE DAKOTA NO).

When someone has a really low self-esteem, but at the same time has somebody who loves him (as a partner, as a friend, as a relative…), there are several ways to act about that (they may mix). First is to do everything for this person, to become a perfect friend/partner/child/etc. Because only when you're perfect, you deserve love. Always to be by their side, always to understand their feelings (without them telling how they feel), always to share their interests. And I mean always, like, really always. Second is to do something not nice on purpose, something that will annoy this person or make them sad, just to show them that you're NOT nice and do NOT deserve love. (I believe there are more ways, but I know only these two). And I think Cavendish chooses the second way in “Abducting Murphy’s law”, where he loses his temper when Dakota doesn’t believe him.

This whole episode (“Look at this ship”) is another important thing about Cavendish and his autism. First, it seems that Dakota is the closest and the most important person for Cavendish, he believes him, he feels comfortable with him, he feels that Dakota understands him and his special needs (just look at this post about a teddy bear), so it's natural that Cavendish expects Dakota to believe him that he saw an alien ship, but Dakota doesn't, and it's when Cavendish gets emotional and throws a tantrum. I don't excuse him, but I can relate. When someone that is so precious and dear to me, who always understands me, suddenly doesn't believe me, I feel hurt and not needed, I want to leave this person, I think that they are better off without me. And I think that is exactly what happened to Cavendish. Of course Dakota didn't deserve that (in fact, he said that he believes in Cavendish's belief, what means he respects him even without fully understanding), but again, Cavendish’s reaction is normal for someone like him. I believe that his parents never really cared about his needs, his emotions and so on, so Dakota who does this became the most important person. This makes his disbelief even more hurtful. And in addition, Cavendish already was very upset because of them being fired and treated clearly not as he wanted. All this make his emotional condition really bad, and Dakota's words were the last straw.

Second, the alien ship itself is for me a big metaphor for autism. There's something that is important to us (be it a sensor overload, a special need etc.) that other people don't see and don't understand. And some (a lot of) people will never understand, no matter how hard we try to explain. Sometimes it's devastating, sometimes we begin to fear that there's really nothing, sometimes we stop believing ourselves (a scene where Cavendish tries to prove that there's an invisible ship and jumps on it, but at this exact moment there is really no ship). Why didn't he just take Dakota to this thing? Because he already hadn’t believed him, and this is enough. Cavendish tries to get validation from some “experts” (journalists), but all that is in vain.

In addition, I think it is really important that this ship is alien (and not just invisible). Because for other people we are like aliens. We don't understand your rules, your emotions, your culture, we act strange and inappropriate, we are weird… And often you just think we imagined all this, that we are weird or crazy. We don't exist, like aliens.

One more thing before I end this pretty lengthy essay. I'm so glad that in this series people with mental disabilities and issues (like Cavendish) don't look like cute little orphans from a sweet holly story who are so easy to be compassionate with. No, sometimes they are selfish jerks and it's difficult to build a relationship with them. And I think this is really, really important. We are not “quirky and adorkable cuties”, we are people who are often difficult to be with. And it is difficult to be us.

Phew, this is a long essay. I hope I haven’t forgotten anything important! But if you think I have, please feel free to reblog and add :) And I hope you liked what I’ve written.

I wasn't planning to get emotional, but I clearly failed, because Cavendish is so special to me.

P.S. my Tumblr app is crazy, it doesn't allow me to make a post with actual screenshots, that's why I took photos of a screen instead :( sorry for inconvenience.

[skeletoninthemelonland]

Sorry for sending another ask so soon, but-

Don't be shy, spit the frog (italian way to say spill the tea)

I WANNA KNOWWWNWNFNGNG

okay i'm spilling some of the frogs, the tea, I WILL DESEMBUCHAR (word for spilling the truth in portuguese)

springtrap and bell (ballora) do know each other but from a certain distance (he's with the phantoms, and she belongs in the funtime crew). there's never this 'strange feeling' that they've met before because, literally... they never met!

the reason for them to be arguing a lot is due to remnant usage, whose importance is constantly brought up in the universe of BTC. springtrap uses them for his own selfish purposes, while bell is searching for more to help a friend stay active, amongst other reasons that involve the safety and entertainment of backstage residents.

bell is one of the very few bots that has directly confronted springtrap for his actions and usual mean behavior (sometimes on the same level of aggressiveness, other times a single glare is enough). she refuses to stay silent and reality downs on him that the stuff he's saying and doing is harming people.

they are basically the closest thing to human adults in this digitalized city of ghost children, with bell sacrificing a lot more of her time protecting those around her than springtrap (especially before they met)

bell is a chaotic, stubborn altruistic type paired up with self-destructive tendencies as a defense mechanism, considering she is painfully aware of her purpose as a child killing, remnant harvester robot. springtrap contrasts that part of her personality by being aloof, cautious and egocentric, and by pushing others away, acting as if the world revolves around his success in escaping UCN and becoming one with the entity. these contrasting traits often generate conflict, especially later on, when more secrets are revealed.

i like to think they help each other learn from their mistakes with this dumb, tom and jerry beef they have going on, but saying there's any hint of romantic love between them in the beginning feels objectively wrong (considering the amount of times springtrap has said hurtful and otherwise mean things to her).

both are competitive by nature. expect them to be counting how many remnants they caught in a single night.

the more they get to know each other the more they display their true selves, ofc. springtrap has a quieter, observant, genuinely concerned side where he listens instead of talking over people in that loud, cheeky and arrogant tone. bell seems to be a lot more of an anxious and impatient person, thoughts racing at all times and sometimes causing her to shut everyone out. black cat and orange cat behavior, respectively.

they often debate about human nature and the limits of artificial intelligence, and how they, two self-aware small pieces of a larger puzzle stuck in a digital dimension, fit inside these two labels. both are detached from either concepts, meanings losing importance the further they investigate. still, that doesn't stop them from displaying unwavering support whenever one is lost and afraid (works for both).

hand on shoulder, "are you alright?" glances, lending his cape, handmade gifts and favors. springtrap doesn't know how to be comforting, but he makes an effort.

he's more comfortable being secretive and working behind the curtains. events like claw machines suddenly functioning again, entire stages being repaired in a single night, random input of remnants in the electrical system, abandoned areas appearing tidy and organized... (they still wonder who's behind it all...)

when bell first showed up at the workshop for a simple repairs session, he took off her illusion disks and disabled the part of her programming that submitted to William Afton's orders. with that, the entity lost influence over her actions, and as a consequential effect, her eyes glow a bright yellow color, instead of the usual pink/purple hue.

compliments (lots of them), getting excited over the other's achievements, eagerly asking about their favorite topics. bell is that "saw this meme and thought of you" type of person.

scolding. both scold each other all the time. scolding as in "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING" and "oh wow that's the greatest idea you've ever had. i'm surprised we aren't dead because of your absolute GENIUS of a plan (/loudly sarcastic)"

[glitter-stained]

My very personal rating of every lazarus pit fanon side effects I've ever read, ranked from favourite to least favourite :

Tapetum lucidum (the thing cats have that makes their eyes gleam in the dark): that's so creepy and cool, eery in a more discreet way than a full-on glow, idk who hced that first but they are a genius

Contaminated blood laced with the lazarus protein: because our blood renews itself pretty often, this implies the existence of either a lazarus organ that continues to pump the lazarus protein in the blood, or, more probably, the contamination of one of the blood producing organs, maybe of the bone marrow, by the Lazarus pit. Like imagine the Lazarus Pit changing you down to the inside of your bone... The implications are so fascinating I'd love to read more about it.

Altered dna: this doesn't make sense, how does the magical healing pit change your dna, I love it so much, tell me more about the magic gatorade that rewrites dna

Accelerated healing/enhancements: what's funnier, that the pit gave Jason metahuman abilities like being able to withstand a meteorite and going toe-to-toe with Deathstroke (the wiki's words, not mine) and it was just never discussed, or that nothing Jason went through gave him these abilities that he really shouldn't have and he still does and it was just never discussed? I don't know but still, that stuff is top-tier

Glowing green eyes: on the one hand, eyes that glow when the person is feeling intense negative emotions (even better it's not just rage, like, imagine having a flashback or nightmare or getting fear toxined and their eyes glow and people think they're about to attack but they just scream that'd be so cool) but on the other hand, I feel like the colour is too limiting. Sure, Ra's or Riddler can fuck with the glowing green but come on, my girl Cass deserves eyes that glow gold (like the gold from the Batgirl suit). Jason deserves to have glowing red eyes. Cicero says that eyes are the reflection of the soul and while I love the idea of the lazarus pit being toxic, contaminating a part of the person's soul, in comics, a character's colour scheme is an essential part of their graphic identity, and I think altering it to the point of giving it a totally different colour is too much for my taste personally. Like, you are still the same person that you were before the bad thing happened. Yes, it changed you irrevocably, but you are still yourself and you should still have the right to your name and to the colour of your soul.

Lazarus Rage/Pit Madness: so I've seen this one criticized pretty often, often because of how unnecessary, and honestly probably damaging, to the understanding of Jason's character after his resurrection. And like, I agree, but also I've found myself to enjoy the fanon version of the Batfam. Like, I don't like that it's murky and confusing sometimes to figure out which is fanon or canon and that that leads people to judging canon actions from a standard of fanon information, and parts of it can be sexist or racist or classist, but the same can be said from canon, you have to be critical with what you consume. Basically to me there are two batfams and I consume both differently and enjoy both, and in the context of fanon I enjoy Pit Madness. The idea of uncontrollable, alien rage is fun, is angsty, and as someone with intense anger issues I'm telling you writing a lazarus rage episode was one of the most cathartic things I've ever written and it felt so good. I also think part of the upset on the subject is a bit undeserved because I see people complain that "the lazarus doesn't work like that because it didn't do that to other people" as if the way the lazarus pit worked made any sense. You're telling me this stuff healed Jason's malnutrition but it didn't fix his trauma? That it healed the Riddler's brain cancer but couldn't be bothered to fuck with Jason's hypertrophied amygdala and the fucked up connections between his amygdala and hippocampus??! Obviously we can't expect dc to know or care about science that much , but I still have the right to be nerdy about it. Jason went into the pit resurrected by God and with brain damage and Ra's said it was a plague and that could make him crazy, I fully believe he could have gotten Pit Madness even if the others hadn't.

Eye-colour change: that's the same thing as the glowing part but without the fun part, really dislike it. I need to be able to listen to I know these eyes/this man is dead from the Count of MonteCristo Musical while making up Under the Red Hood edits in my head please and thank you

Lazarus Pit brings people back to life: I hate it so much dc stop treating life and death so inconsequentially oh my gosh characters fighting life and death situations should not have a source of immortality right in hand I hate that lazarus resin lazarus toxin stuff they have right now and the idea that the pits can bring back to life plays into that idea so I really dislike it. I understand the appeal, it's the basics of coming back wrong with a side of rebirth in the water but instead of being purified it's being poisoned, but I just can't get over how frustrating it is to see a beloved character die and only be able to say I hope he doesn't come back for his own sake and then he comes back. Urgh.

[lady-of-endless]

Ghiaccio general headcanons

Author's Note: As I stated earlier, it's my birthday and I want to make it everyone's problem so I decided to drop some random headcanons. Some might be off but cope with it. Hope you'll enjoy it! Gif is not mine, I'm thanking the owner for it.

Romantic headcanons are here.

- Ghiaccio thinks and feels a lot and it makes him less present sometimes. His thoughts and reactions get him distracted from the original plan or idea. This happens a lot especially when he's angry. He needs to vent or lash out first to get back to what he was initially doing. It all feels too much for him sometimes.

- Ghiaccio honestly hates that his hands are feet are always cold. At first, it wasn't such a big problem but in time as he repeatedly used White Album a little more recklessly, that cold feeling stopped going away after a while. He got used to it but that doesn't mean it's comfortable.

- This is only one of the reasons why he is drawn to warmth. Not only to coziness but to affectionate people. Even if no one can tell this, he craves it, as much as he denies it. And exactly because he looks annoyed and done with everyone, many avoid him so of course some warmth and affection does good to him.

- So of course he's a fan of temperature play. It's all about the reactions he gets and the feeling of his cold hands touching something warm. (ik I've said this before but I can't get enough of it)

- He's just as skilled with the computer as Melone. Ghiaccio is seen quite often with his laptop at the base but doesn't flex with it, even if at this point, he has lost count of how many problems he fixed on each teammate's device. You won't believe how many cursed things he has accidentally seen in their web history.

- About other abilities and knowledge he possesses, Ghiaccio knows a lot about science. Not because his Stand abilities require knowing some basic science but because he was passionate about it before joining the mafia. His outfit is a hint of this, the white buttoned-up blouse being an example of that lab aesthetic, sort of.

- His scent resembles the smell that's in the air after a rain. It's mainly because of his cryokinesis, freezing and defrefreezing the air around him. It makes him smell like something aquatic, ozonic, musky and slightly citric. (something like Maison Margiela - When the Rain Stops or Demeter - Thunderstorm or Demeter - Rain)

- Because he is intense, not many take him seriously and this frustrates him further more and so this vicious cycle goes on. Is more than impressed when someone truly listens to whatever he has to say without jumping to the conclusion that he's just exaggerating.

- Deeply, very deeply, he's a bit shy but he always disguises it well. He's not that open to meeting new people at first. And he gets flustered when someone can read him and looks away frustrated.

- He's determined to get La Squadra the respect it deserves because he cares about this team as he cares about his family because that's exactly what this is for him. He won't say it but even so, it's very clear from his actions.

- Ghiaccio is greedy and ambitious. He wants it all, and he is always willing to go the extra mile for what he wants.

- Despite his overpowered Stand ability, Ghiaccio often feels like the underdog of the team. Overworked, underpaid, and not respected as much as he wishes.

- His demeanor is softer when he's tired, in the morning, or after intercourse. Everyone is shocked not just by his demeanor but by how his voice sounds when he's calm.

- Likes to exhaust his targets before finishing them quickly. He thinks it's more effective but also intimidating. If you are his target, it all starts with a chill and a shiver down your spine before it gets colder around you, then freezing and soon you won't even know what hit you.

- When he uses White Album's abilities without his full-body suit on, you can notice tiny snowflakes stuck in his blue curly curls and a bit of rime ice on his high cheekbones.

- His Stand's name is indeed linked to The Beatles but he often listens to Daft Punk when driving, but not their most popular songs. Check out the songs "Robot Rock" (link) and "Giorgio by Moroder" (link) and imagine him driving fast in the middle of the night, closer and closer to his target with these songs playing. He needs music with little to no lyrics to focus (I am very biased here sorry not sorry).

- Balance is important in ice skating so his upper body might get tense often to the point of having a slight chronic pain in his back. It's not bad but it's bothersome at the end of the day if he abused the power of White Album. He's taller than it seems because of his slightly bent knees, it helps with the balance when he's on ice. However, he has the strongest legs in La Squadra because of it and no one has ever seen him lose his balance and stumble.

[masterfuldoodler]

Okay let's talk about Kingdom Hearts and sacrifice.

There's a lot of stories where someone sacrifices themselves, but then gets brought back. And sometimes it feels right, and other times it hits weird. Kingdom Hearts is one of those stories that gets it right for me. But why does it work? The obvious answer is bias, but I think there's some other stuff at play.

1. Steeped into the world building of kh is the thought that death is not that permanent. There's Nobodies and Heartless, and they're dead but not exactly. And they could come back. It's very hard to die all the way in kh

2. The magic system of kh is pretty loose. Somethings have rules. Somethings have multiple methods. Somethings we know can do stuff, but we don't know how it works. So in this landscape pretty much anything could happen.

When Sora is brought back by Kairi in kh1 it feels pretty cheap at first. Oh he can just...come back? The game does explain it but we don't really understand what that means since it's game one and this is the first we're seeing it in action. (Princess of light and the connection of the heart) The idea that you can call someone out of the darkness through the bonds of the heart does come up in other kh games! This isn't a throw away idea to bring Sora back.

Something else is the way it effects the story. Sora dying and coming back is like a second starting point for the series. It doesn't just give a happy ending yay he's not dead! No it snowballs into multiple games. Whole characters are created and the story gains complexity. If Sora hadn't been called back by Kairi, Roxas would probably have been a more normal Nobody and not a person of his own right. There would have been no Castle Oblivion, and what would happen to Namine? Xion probably wouldn't exist.

Also often the sacrifice isn't Necessary. There were other routes that could have been taken, but the characters choose this instead, which makes a statement about them. (The power of Waking could have gotten Kairi's heart out, but Sora doesn't know this and doesn't stop to find another option. Ventus would rather put an end to himself. Axel burning himself up all at once.)

Axel coming back is funny because it feels like a trick played on him. "haha thought you could die your way outta this one, guess what there's a round two."

I'd love to talk about Roxas and Xion's return, but I still haven't seen the end of kh3. So I guess the best I can say is that them coming back shouldn't feel contrived (same as Ventus, Aqua, Terra) because it's been a goal out characters are working towards, same as bringing Sora back in kh2. There's build up to it!

Kingdom Hearts is riddled with sacrifice, some moments bigger than others. It's very fascinating to watch, pretty much every character has had their moment.

[wyyvernn]

SFW Headcanons - Haytham Kenway & Shay Patrick Cormac

A/n: Little Haytham and Shay things and mannerisms that they do with or without their S/O. Sfw but there is a soft mention of Shay being naughty HAHAHA

Haytham

- Gives no reaction to distaste or disgust except the slight wrinkle of his nose or creasing of his brows to something that displeases him.

- Often clasps his hands behind his back, it is one of his most signature mannerisms. Others include standing tall with his back as straight as a board, and you can see the pride and arrogance dripping off his form. Coughs into his fist after winning an argument.

- Haytham has only a few he cares about or becomes interested in, and in truth those who don't come under that list, he barely notices, maybe even shrugs them off.

- If his S/O has poor posture or slouches a lot, then he lightly scolds them, tells them that it's not good for their back, and he will promptly give them lessons on how to stand straighter, walk with confidence, walk with purpose etc. And he will smile just the slightest when progress has been made.

- On the topic of love languages, Haytham believes that actions do more than words. So little acts of service like opening the door for you and allowing you to pass through first, or actively seeking out an item that you lost some time ago becomes somewhat of a thing for him to do in his free time. (Yes, I'm referencing that one time when he hunted all throughout Boston to find Benjamin Franklin's missing almanac pages.) Quality time is something he seeks out with his S/O too, the fact that he can be around you brings him silent joy. He doesn't even need to be touching you, you could be in the same room together and reading book on opposite sides and he's content.

- Carries a handkerchief to wipe the blood off his sword after impaling an enemy. And he cleans it off with elegance like he didn't just slaughter the fuck out of a man.

- Flashes his enemies a smile but it's more taunting and filled with condescension than the ones he sends his S/O, which are warm and kind. Either contain some kind of purpose, mostly his face is unreadable and lacking in emotion.

- Tips his hat like a gentleman to any lady he passes, and his lips curl up just a tad when he watches them blush and walk by him. He knows that he has that effect on women.

- Will not tolerate disrespect towards him or his S/O and it's one of the few things that triggers a physical reaction from him. Although, the most he will do is shove the offending person against a wall with an iron grip, his piercing eyes darkening as he lectures their ears off. Makes sure you're alright afterwards.

- His scent is like smoky wood fire combined with the hidden notes of something that's quite difficult to place but it's a charming smell, and very distinctive. So distinctive, in fact, that you would know when he turns a corner just by catching a small whiff of him.

Shay

- Lets his S/O take the helm of the Morrigan sometimes, especially when he sees them so excited. He'll step away and allow them to grip the wheel before coming up from behind and placing his hands over theirs, guiding you to steer the ship.

- Yes, that funny little bed in his cabin does get used and not just for sleeping. On more than one occasion has Shay dragged you by your arm to his cabin when his crew were too occupied in a tavern.

- Has a habit of showing off, particularly when he was an Assassin. Now he's less boisterous, less boyish but he maintains some of those traits and it really is quite charming, if a little laughable when he flexes his muscles at you after hunting a shark.

- More perceptive than others give him credit for, I think he pays attention to many things in the environment, might smile at a bird's nest or grin when he notices a whale.

- A passionate man, will absolutely ruin the person who insults him or his S/O. He's quicker to anger than Haytham, more reckless but it's something endearing even if gets a bit too much. Shay means well.

- Loves languages of his include physical touch. He cannot keep his hands off his S/O and they often find his palm wandering down from their waist to grip their rear, which earns him a light smack on his chest but he grins and shrugs it off. Sometimes he pulls them in his lap when he's going over plans for the Morrigan. I think he's very fond of quality time as well to the point that he's ecstatic that his S/O is by his side on his ship always. Oddly enough, there are many things to do on the open sea that don't involve just steering a wheel and looking at all the pretty little fish.

- Strangely, he wears a frown in public. It could just be his resting face but it's hard to tell. You like to bring your thumb up to his brows when he's unsuspecting and massage the crease away until he realises what's happening and he lets out a small chuckle, gently batting your hands away.

- Fights many men at once and at no point does his grin ever drop. Whether it's a bar fight or when he's juggling through his weapons, he will show his enjoyment and it's really quite menacing and ridiculous at the same time.

Bonus - Poly

- Together, both men work very well. Both are deadly on their own but with Haytham's intellect and Shay's efficiency, they become their own army side by side.

- Both are considerate of their S/O, Haytham is more calm and gentle towards you and Shay, rough and energetic. They balance each other out when one becomes too much, but you enjoy their company regardless.

- It's never a tug of war between them, every thing between each of you is carefully calculated to be equal per Haytham's request. Shay might become more wanting of your company but even he knows the line not to cross.

- Come night, and the three of you are snuggled closely together. Admittedly, Haytham prefers to sleep beside only one of you but even he can't refuse having both. Shay doesn't care at all and will happily join you both together.

- Quiet kisses and hushed words of affection become a daily thing when no one is around but the three of you.

- Random little thing to point out but Haytham's ponytail is lower and Shay's is a bit higher.

[demon-ness]

In fact, Masquerade is the most interesting and well-made character in this anime. The problem is that the authors of this anime don't know about it. I'm not going to talk about it in detail today (believe me, I can analyze any of his quotes for an hour, and it's not even a joke). Just small details.

Episode 44. "Just this one time." Funny line, isn't it? Masquerade jokes in his own way, telling Dan that even now they are not friends. Dan was lucky today, but it won't happen again. It was a joke. It was funny for both of them. But do you remember that this was the Last Battle for Masquerade? And the fact that he was definitely aware of it? Have you ever thought in general that this whole battle is suicide? Have you ever thought that in a joking manner this guy confessed to Dan that he was going to die today? I understand that this is obvious. But I'm surprised by the fact that it's in a children's show.

The first meeting of Masquerade and Dan. We will not discuss the battle itself now, we are concerned about the "dialogue" after its end. Everything Masquerade says may seem completely meaningless at first glance. But if you think about it… the Death Note did not even dream of such a level of manipulation. "I could have taken Drago, but I felt sorry for you." Of course, he couldn't. The rules work differently. In such a situation, he basically couldn't do anything at all. But Dan DIDN'T KNOW that. I'm sure Masquerade just said that to piss Dan off. I wouldn't like it either if my opponent (whom I was going to defeat without any problems) took PITY on me. Masquerade then tells Dan a little bit about the real state of affairs and the significance of the fights. And then he adds, "To save the world, YOU have to defeat ME." And this, again, makes no sense if taken literally. Masquerade is just a pawn of Naga, defeating him will not save the world. But Dan DOESN'T KNOW about it. So Masquerade gently guides Dan along the path he needs. Indeed, from that moment on, Dan devoted all his time to strengthening Drago for the final battle. Without even realizing that he's actually just cooking the perfect dinner for a Hydranoid. Simply put, what you might consider the senseless pretentious nonsense of a "very cool and mysterious" clown was actually quite an effective way to fool Dan. And you, to be honest.

I can't help but notice that in the trio of main villains of the first season, Masquerade is the most human-like. Not only externally, of course. What makes him a REAL PERSON, what his colleagues don't have… he fucks up a hell of a lot. Seriously, watch all the episodes with his appearance. In at least half of these episodes, something will not go according to his plan. You will very often see him staring at others in surprise, not understanding what nonsense they are doing and saying. He is almost scared when Shun ALMOST hits him in the face. During the battle with Joe, he is already preparing to pose victoriously when everything starts to collapse. And he's just upset. Yes, globally, in fact, everything was going ABSOLUTELY according to his plan until Dan returned from DD. But if you pay attention to the details? He almost always doesn't know what's going on and just tries to adapt. Because, you know, he has little life experience.

It's very difficult for me to talk about Masquerade without the context of his entire character development arc. Keeping the main points in mind, you will easily notice how every tiny detail makes sense. Almost emotionless behavior for most of the season, sometimes illogical actions, a nervous breakdown and a crack on the glass left after episode 38… Everything makes sense. Especially if you remember that we are talking about a not-quite-human character.

We'll talk about it again, if that's our fate.

[annika-thelostlove]

The art of paper folding - Brian Wilcox x fem!reader

Word count/ 4015

Preview/ But You, for whatever reason that led to it, you were assigned the seat on the other side of him. You are always anxious with stress. You think that maybe this guy who has a reputation for being a smartass will bring too much attention to your side of the classroom. You're a little glad Sally would probably take most of his attention, though. Those types of pretty girls probably have it bad sometimes dealing with boys like brian, you think.

Author note/ its finally completed! Its the most high school romantic idiocy I can put in a oneshot. This is lightly based on my own high school experience. The guy who I thought liked me back really did make me an origami heart. Soon after, he said something super mean to me, and my little 15 yr old heart never forgave him.

Warnings/ super fluffy, and not well edited

Brian is the type of guy in school who always talks shit. It's like he can't help it. Things fall out of his mouth unguarded. He is 17, but he still gets worked up over things like he is still in elementary school. In his new math class in the new year of school, he purposely sits next to the popular girl Sally because he thought it would be fun, but she doesn't tolerate his shit one bit.

But You, for whatever reason that led to it, you were assigned the seat on the other side of him. You are always anxious with stress. You think that maybe this guy who has a reputation for being a smartass will bring too much attention to your side of the classroom. You're a little glad Sally would probably take most of his attention, though. Those types of pretty girls probably have it bad sometimes dealing with boys like brian, you think.

Brian is a guy you've only heard about through another friend because he's "someone's annoying brother that dyes his own hair black cos he thinks it's edgy. He also doesn't wash it often to keep the cheap box colour for longer. Hence, the sticky looking locks. He confidently sticks to wearing black and oversized clothes that hide his 30-pound body." Says the people who talk about him.

So the best course of action is to keep your head down, and don't get involved with either of Brian or Sally.

But then, as the year goes by, whenever Brian is bored at being ignored by Sally, he will turn his greasy head to you and give you a little poke. The first few times sent your nerves up, you were so scared of what he would say to you. Will he say something mean? Point out your pimples? Say your teeth look crooked? That you have a mustache you should shave it? Horrible horrible little scenarios in your mind. But Brian, for the last few months, only asks you funny dumb questions just to avoid actually learning in class. It makes your heart laugh a little in relief.

Brian is sarcastic and complains a lot. He has too many theories and tells stories exclusively comprised of sound effects and explosions made with his mouth. He smells like deep fry oil that you grow to like so much because it reminds you of hashbrowns in the morning. It's gotten pathetic how many things you notice about him. You even love that buck tooth of his making its way out of his little mouth.

Some days, he enjoys telling you how corporations pay commercials to trick people into thinking that you're the bad guy. You listen to him so intently, and the more you do, the things about him begin to make more sense to you.

Brian is not a bad person. Not like what people say. Really, really not. He is actually kind of great.

He's just a little distracted at school, that's all.

You share with him your own little jokes under your breath during class now. And by some miracle, he finds you funny. A fierce blush would bloom up you collar at his laughter.

You hope that it makes him feel special. No one else has really thought of you to be very funny. You've told him some weird things, like: "Last night I had a dream about Dwayne Johnson as a centaur," and he would get detention from laughing too hard.

At times he would still try to get Sallys attention, but most days he spends his time leaving silly doodles at the edge of your notebooks.

🩵🩵🩵🩵

Today, Brian has been folding paper in class again. He watched a YouTube video on how to make an origami heart last week. For whatever reason, he's been so invested in getting it perfect.

He was trying to show off his progress, so he made one in your class. Looking over at Sally's desk, he watched her pack her notebook away, getting ready to leave. Brian then redirects his attention to you. You were still finishing writing your notes down, then packing away your pens.

In a second, he decides to slip the heart shaped paper, between the pages of your notebook without much thought of why. The class then packs up and files out to go home.

💘💘💘💘

You can't believe it, it just can't be.

Brian's heart origami was in your notebook. You had just got home and pulled out your notes, currently staring at the red piece of folded paper. Did he slip it inside? Maybe it was just an accident. It might have fallen. Fallen perfectly, between the pages. That must be it. It didn't mean anything.

You rub your face in confusion. Your heart is not neutral about this at all. Even if it was an innocent mistake. Your heart thumps in the possibility. That maybe. Brian Wilcox gave you this heart on purpose.

But, no. He doesn't see you like that. You're just his friend.

The heart origami sits so innocently on your book, and you picture him making it step by step. His eyes looking up at you, after another doodle he's finished on your book. The way he's smiles, holding back his laughter with shining eyes.

You don't know, but maybe, maybe. Brian could like you…more than as a friend.

The thought echoes around in your quiet bedroom.

🥤🥤🥤🥤

Later when a group project comes up, Brian without hesitation jumps to join a group of boys in the class and leaves you with Sally.

Sally is popular, and very beautiful, but it was the first time you really tried to talk to her. It turns out she's incredibly insightful and a good listener. Its nice for someone to give you their attention like that. Which is funny in a way, it makes you feel kinda special, because Sally doesn't even give Brian the time of day. So in your curiosity, you ask her about that.

"I just hate getting the attention of a class clown, when what I really need is to focus in class" she rolls her eyes as she says it. She takes a glance at Brian's group. "..but I notice that Brian and you have become quite the pair, I think it's pretty cool, Brian is so behaved when he's with you".

Blood rushes to your face. "Oh haha, no, no, were not that close..."

But at that moment, the group of boys with Brian began to get loud and rowdy. They've been loudly debating about the best kind of place to take a date out. They've begun to joke and laugh at how Brian works at Mickeys, mocking him how hilarious it could be for a first date. You saw that he was laughing along with them, but you could see it was irritating him.

"Ohhh noooo! A girl would NEVER ask for another date. Can you imagine making her order at the counter? How embarrassing"

"And then brian asks for the kids' meal?!" laughter from the boys.

"Noooo! Brian would use his employee discounts on the combos! That's just so sad!" More laughter. And it just irked you until you spoke up.

"We'll I think it could be fun for a date?" You say interrupting the loud conversation. It was a numbing silence for a fraction of a second before Brian spoke.

"Well, it's because your standards are low since you can't even seem to find a boyfriend." Came a quick response from Brian's mouth. The boys gasped and blew up with sudden laughter.

Regrets flash across Brian's face instantly when he sees you speechless, with hurt written on your brow, but you're fighting against it. Sally puts her hand on your arm, worried about you. The boys don't seem to notice anything wrong. But Brian notices.

He didn't realize what he said. He was just so annoyed and wanted someone else to be teased instead of him.

You feel hot, and your skin is prickly. That was really mean. It hurt. You weren't so sure why. Because what he said was true. But it hurt because it came from him.

Your thoughts flashed back to the origami heart that you've been keeping in your bedside table, it actually means nothing to him. And all the other hearts that he must have made this week and before. All just folded paper and nothing more.

But you swallow the feeling down somehow and focus back on your partner and the project for the rest of the class.

But that night, in your bed, under the covers, frustrated tears fall into your pillow.

Am I ugly? No one has ever wanted me. No one has ever seen me. Aren't I good enough for anyone?

Brian wouldn't ever see you in that way. You hate it, hate him. Hate yourself. He made you feel like you mattered to him, but you must have made it all up in your head, a boy has never been nice to you until Brian, so you didn't know any better. He won't ever see you that way.

🎒🎒🎒🎒

The next week at school you try to act like you always have, havung a better understanding now that Brian is simply the way he is. So you become a little distant. He notices of course. He's been thinking about what he said over and over. And hates himself, he's never liked saying sorry in all his life. But now he's scared for the first time that he might be losing you if he dosent act. You won't even look at his eyes anymore. Like you find it too painful to do so.

During lunch break, he finds you, he asks, unsure how to converse naturally.

"Hey, how's your project with Sally going?" He says. Then you realize 'he must have never stopped liking Sally even from the start of the year. It was so obvious, why didn't I see it?'

"It's going well, actually. we're almost done. Did you want to tag along bri? We're gonna be at the library after school to finish up." You think maybe you can help him get Sally to see that he's a really nice guy.

Brain seems nervous but says yes straight away. He must really like her, you think.

After school, once you all meet up and finish off studying at the library, you insist on going home first and leave to catch your bus. Brian tries to ask you to hang out longer. But Sally lets you go and wants to speak to brian alone. Sally seems like she has something serious to tell him.

You smile a little in sadness, its working out well, it seems.

📚📚📚📚

Brian Pov

She left me here with sally. Avoiding me again. I watch as her back disappears out the front doors. Then Sally hits me on the arm.

"Ow! What's your problem?"

"You!"

"What did I do to you?"

"Not what you've done to me! But to her!! all year, you've been making googly eyes at her, and the other day, you treat her like crap! You need to fix this and apologize, and then leave her alone if you're only going to hurt her feelings because of your ignorant attitude."

"I don't know what you mean"

"I see everything brian, like how you doodle on her notebooks, and talk quietly to her, how you giggle under your breath at her jokes. You honestly can't be more obvious how you treat her special, but then you turn on her so quickly like that. It's such a dick move. An asshole move"

He puts his face in his hands in shame. "God, I AM an asshole!!" Brian is on the brink of breaking down."Do you think she hates me now? I messed up so badly."

"Tell her you're sorry face to face. Whatever she does to you after that is up to her. Though since we're talking about her, she will probably forgive you. But if you want to finally tell her you like her, this might be your best chance "

Brian blushes red, "w-what, I don't like her like that-"

"Why do you bother lying, brian?"

"It really isn't- ughh."

Brian quickly rushes after where you left. And found you sitting at the bus shelter, he looks at the digital sign it says your bus arrives in 20 mins

He looks down at you, and you're already looking at him sheepishly. You've been caught.

"Your bus isn't even here till another 20 mins!" Brian almost yells, but he's playfully scolding you like you normally do. You look down and smile. Brian loves that, your little shy grin.

"How did it go with Sally?" You ask hopefully.

"Good. But I don't want to talk about that. I need to tell you some stuff. Uh, the first one is that..I said something the other day. I just-"

"It's okay, I get it, I overreacted-"

"No, you didnt- Wait. It wasn't that. My point is i'm sorry for what i said, I think I hurt you. It's not cool of me. I'm always battling my asshole-ary every day, you know that. But you didn't deserve it. So I'm sorry"

"You are, forgiven." And you give him a small closed lip smile.

"Oh really? Already? Well, and, um, the 2nd thing is. There's something I have to ask you-" Your bus comes and stops loudly in front of them. Brian is flustered. You are conflicted, there's only one bus every hour for this route, you should take this bus. But you want to wait for Brian to finish.

"Um, Brian, think I should take this bus"

"Oh, yeah of course! Tomorrow then!"

"Ok, see ya bri"

As you climb up the door to pay and look back at Brian, the bus then pulls away, and you miss his sad little frown and his green eyes following you as your image fades down the street.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

The next day in class, Brian pulls out another origami heart he worked on last night and slides it over to you. The teacher notices it and warns everyone about passing notes in class. You grab the note and see what it says.

"Good morning beautiful! Plz open me" you frown at being called beautiful. Glancing over at him, he smirks.

Nervous, you open it carefully. Inside it says something that makes her heart race and break at the same time.

"Let's go to Mickeys tonight, it's my treat" then you hear a snickering from a few desks away, it was one of his boys looking over at you.

🍟🍟🍟🍟

You go to Mickeys, you think he's just asked you out as a friend, but he seems to be as nervous as you are, but you dont want to get your hopes up.

After having your meal in awkward silence, he asks you as casually as he can muster.

"So, I was thinking, do you want a second date?"

"Huh? D-date?"

"Y-you know, we went to Mickeys-- like you said! This is like, a date for you"

"…are you..like- just- teasing me? Hahaah…like you're mocking me? You rascal" You laugh nervously, voice trembling all over the place. Trying to hide the sudden emotions that came with realizing what this was all about. He just wanted to humor you.

"Huh? What? No? He laughs. Mickeys is like, your standard right? For like- like a date?"

"Well, no-"

"And-and, I mean I- we hadn't hung out like together yet.. as friends, and like you haven't been on a date before…I thought maybe..i could, be someone you-"

"So you're… helping me?" You laugh comes out jumpy and strange sounding "Oh, wooow,..I um, thanks man. That's just so, thoughtful of you" and you uncharacteristically lean over to punch his arm, you cringe for the fifth time. And he rubs the spot you bumped him.

"But, um, you know I think that maybe we should go on dates with people we actually have feelings for, don't you think? But, thanks for the offer" you shrug and try to laugh it off, but it feels too loud and fake in your ears.

"So no...date?" He looks kind of paler than usual.

You start to gather your trash. "I just realized i need to get home, sorry I can't stay much longer Bri. This was…fun. Bye!" Practically running away.

You don't understand what had just happened. You don't understand Brian at all. Was he that experienced in dating that he could give you a trial of it? That he felt pitty for you?

Your whole body felt hot from embarrassment. And a hard lump has been stuck in your throat ever since you received his little note in class. You practically speed walk all the way home sobbing into your Hoodie.

💛💛💛💛

"Good for you."

"Huh?" Sally is talking to you, Brian is late for your class it seems.

"I got…some tea, from a little bird, or something like that. That you rejected Brian"

"When did I do that?"

"Uh, didn't you go to Mickeys with him the other day?"

"I did." Has he gone and told everyone about it?

"I'm sorry, but I can't pretend that i didn't know. It just happened to be the same day he left a voice message on my phone, and I connected the dots that it was about you. " This made you sad without realizing it. They've been talking?

"Oh, he did?" But you guess it's good that they're getting to know each other.

"Don't look so sad! It wasn't like that, that boy sounded mad over the phone, he was mad at first. Saying stuff on the message like 'you were wrong about everything!' And that 'he was dumb.' But then he just..started crying. Well it sounded like crying. You didn't do that to him?" You stare a Sally perplexed at what it all meant.

"Explain please"

Sally looked at you for a moment and seemed ro realize something then began waving her hands 'no' at you "Ooooooh, wait no, I think you should talk to him about it, i've said too much"

"No, say it please! I'm tired of him playing with me."

"Ughhh, well he..he thought that you liked him, so…and I thought you did too! But then when you clearly don't, which is okay…he's just. It's just sad. He's going through it right now."

"But I don't know why he would be so upset, it's not like he likes me? He likes..someone else."

"You…think so? Huh. Well, I think it's best if you talk to him about this"

"But-"

"It's best if two of you talk"

"No-"

Then, at that moment, Brian walks in late to class and rushes over to his seat between you and Sally.

"You're tardy, Mr Wilcox, which is actually a first. Take your seat."

He acting stiff and can barely look at you.

Normally, you could get his attention and whisper things to him comfortably, but right now, he's so distant that you just decided to message him on your phone.

R U working tonight?

No Thurs

Ok, do u wna study w me n Sally tonight?

No that's ok u guys can just work on ur project together

Oh ok

And that went on for the rest of the lesson. His cold shoulder. Bothered by this you messing him again.

Ur being weird, is this about the other day? I appreciated ur idea, but I just didn't want ppl to confuse our friendship.

Idea?

Yeah like you giving me dating 'experience' without having an actual bf

What?????

She didn't reply after that message out of frustration. Why is he acting like he has no idea what he's been doing to you?

Nevermind Brian

Hey

You know what? I can get a boyfriend anytime if I want.

You hear a sharp gasp quickly after sending your last text. "Hey." He tries to tap your shoulder, but the teacher tells him off right away.

You give him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. He looks over at you desperately for the rest of that week.

🍔🍔🍔🍔

Thursday comes by. You come to visit Mickeys with Warren, a guy you sometimes talk to in your IT class. You told Warren that there's a guy you like and want to see if he would feel anything if he saw you with someone else. It was stupid, you know it. You promised to buy him a Mickeys meal if he helped you.

You and Warren order at the counter, a sullen Brian takes your order, and you still haven't talked to one another since. And it's eating him inside, and now you're here with someone else? He disappeared to the back once your order was placed.

You receive your burgers and sit down at your table to eat. It was a normal, peaceful few moments until Brian came sprinting out of the kitchen to stop you from eating

"NO, no stop!"

"What! Brian, what's wrong??"

"No, just- don't eat that- I-" You stare at him lost for words, shame written on his face.

"I'm sorr- I just thought -" his face was crumbling, and the shame was turning into sadness. His eyes are glassy with emotion. He buried his face in his hands, defeated. "Never mind, it all makes sense."

"What does?"

"Why you won't like me."

Long silence came after what he said, only broken by Warren slowly getting up to walk away and saying that hes gonna use the bathroom. But either of you actually notice.

"…why I 'won't like you?' Why would that matter, Brian? Why? You like someone, that's who that matters."

"YES, I do. And it DOES."

"Huh??"

"I-im an asshole sometimes. But I know that you know that already, so that can't be the reason. And I'm not much to look at, but. But I've never cared if anyone liked how I looked. It never mattered to me so much before. But I wish I was more, like conventionally appealing. But i mean, that can't be why, you're not that kind of person- but is that why? Or, or- no. Or it's simply because I'm me. Because I'm Brian, the type of asshole that defiles a fucking burger???"

"Brian, please, it's hard for me to understand…"

"I put a LOOGIE in your patty"

"Excuse me????" Not the words you were expecting.

"It was meant for him!!"

"Warren?"

"Yes!"

"Are you somehow, jealous??"

"Yes!"

"And why??"

"Because I like you, and you hate me!"

A painful silence fills the restaurant. Looking around, Brian catches his manager, looking at him disapprovingly. But Brian mouths to him, "just resolving an issue"

"Ok, but lower your voice"

Brian sighs, putting his attention back to you. Sitting there still stunned at his confession. "Let me take that burger back. I'll make you a new one"

"No." You make a mad grab at the box, but Brian had the same thought as you. He now had the other side of the box in his hand.

"Give it!"

"Let go, brian"

"What's the problem!?"

You rip it out of his clasp, open the box, and proceed to scuff the burger down your throat.

"What are you doing?? No!! Why did you do that? I had my saliva in that???"

"Do you think I would do that if I didn't like you?"

A hundred emotions pass through Brian's face in the silence that came after that bizarre display.

"You… like me?"

"Was me eating your foul burger not clear enough?"

"Well no. But. You…like me?"

"I have, like always"

"...me?" His eyes are glassy looking at you in something that looks like hope.

But instead of saying anymore to reassure his low self-esteem just how much you think a he's great guy, you start to cry. And you don't have a clue why. Just that you're so happy he finally knows.

"I really like you too. Like always" and just like in a movie, he reaches out with a finger and gently wipes a tear off your cheek.

[meimi-haneoka]

Musings

I was scrolling through my TL this morning and I stumbled again on a certain scene from volume 8 of xxxHolic.

I went "...ah" and shook my head, smiling.

Then I started writing a thread with my musings, but it became so long that I decided to pour them here instead.

The scene in question was this one. The Spider Lady and Watanuki.

Kimihiro Watanuki and Yuna D. Kaito. Two boys who have initially no idea what they're doing on this earth, what their life is worth for, growing up alone, quick to throw their life away to make others happy. Although in personality Watanuki and Kaito are very different, this one complex aspect brings them closer.

I couldn't help being reminded how CLAMP love to portray this particular theme in several of their stories, almost as if they were tormented by it.

Clear Card Arc introduced the theme of self-sacrifice, with all its devastating effects, in a series where it hadn't been explored deeply yet. First in a milder way with Syaoran, but I think we all agree that the character who brought that message home the most is indeed Kaito.

Yet, I really appreciate how this doesn't turn everytime into the "same reheated soup", as we say in italian, because each series' approach is different from the get go.

Holic addresses several thematics straightforwardly, without sugarcoating them. All the volumes are brimming with life lessons and impactful lines that corner you and force you to think about life and your relationship with others. Sometimes those truths are hard, like a slap in your face. It's no wonder that the entire "Phrase" area of the CLAMP exhibition was all dedicated to Holic. Its portrayal of the thematic of self-sacrifice follows the same pattern, and one example is the criticism from the Spider Lady directed at Watanuki in the aforementioned volume. He will leave that encounter having learned something very important from those words.

For CCS, on the other hand, CLAMP have always chosen a different approach, fitting for its genre and demographic.

Although there are several nourishing lessons we can get from it as well, the messages are usually always passed without judgement. It seems CLAMP prefer letting the characters go through things, make their own decisions, their own mistakes, learn and grow firsthand from them. The thing we hear the most in the entire series is "Look in your heart, find the answer in yourself".

And despite how often Momo gets angry at Kaito, as an impartial magical beast she's prevented from doing a speech similar to that of the Spider Lady. While many might think that would've worked best, the world view and narrative structure of CCS is different from that.

In the same way, CLAMP leave the readers free to perceive and take the message home as they want, guided by the characters' actions rather than their explicit thoughts and spelled out words of wisdom.

While in Holic it's clearer what their stance on a certain topic or thematic is, in CCS things are more blurred and nuanced. The events are presented as they are, resting on a delicate balance, as if asking you "This is what happened. Everything considered, what do you think?", making an effort to not pass a judgement along so you can make your own idea of it.

We never get anyone lecturing Kaito for what he did, nor looking down upon him, because that's not CCS' language and there's no need for it. The characters understand the sentiment that moved Kaito, even though that's not treated as a justification for the path he chose. The message will be conveyed eloquently enough by facts - Akiho's tears full of anger in chapter 78. Rather than choosing to make a character lecture him harshly, CLAMP "left" Kaito dealing directly with the consequences of his actions, in order for him to look into his heart and learn a lesson from it. More than the act of deciding her happiness on her behalf, Akiho is furious because Kaito crumpled his life and threw it away in the trash in the attempt of saving her and giving her a happy life.

This approach is totally in line with CCS' compassionate world view. A world view that tries to cause changes in the world guided by kindness, refraining from applying prejudices and dispensing judgement upon others.

But beware, comparing the two approaches to the same thematic doesn't mean that one is better than the other: depending on the situation, sometimes we need the frankness of Holic, sometimes the sensitivity of CCS.

It is in my opinion pretty wonderful how the same theme can be communicated in different ways, choosing different paths, approaches, just like in these two examples here.

Two different approaches for the theme, but same conclusion: once we form connections with others, we don't belong to ourselves alone anymore. We're not free to dispose of our life without affecting other people who share that bond with us.

We may think we're not important, that we can come second or third or last behind everyone else as long as they're happy, but that's not true. Seeing us suffering, or missing our presence will ultimately make other people cry. Even people we didn't really think they could ever love us.

So cherish your life, always. Today you're doing it for your loved ones, tomorrow you'll learn to do it for yourself, too. ❤️

[neverchecking]

Nsfw alphabet for Time Twilight and Wild please... I thirst hard

Can do!

NSFW So MDNI! 18+

Twilight -> Here!

Wild -> Here!

NSFW Alphabet- Time Edition

MDNI! 18+!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

KING of Aftercare. Mans knows what he's doing. I originally was gonna say Twilight or Sky was, but the more I thought about the more I was convinced it's Time. He has the maturity and knowledge and patience needed to effectively and efficiently bring back his beloved from whatever subspace they fell into.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On his partner? Their eyes. They tell him everything he needs to know. Every little emotion that flickers across their irises he's reading. He's adjusting every single one of his actions to better suit whatever emotion is shining in those pretty eyes of yours.

On him? His thighs. Honestly. (Thought I was gonna say hands again, didn't ya?) He loves dragging his lover up and down the muscled flesh, hearing them cry out in pure ecstasy. Or feeling his lover grab at them as they struggle around his length, looking up at him with shiny eyes. Or supporting the weight of his divinity as they bounce up and down on his shaft.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He cums a lot. Idk why I think this, but I just know it. And he loves cumming deep inside of you. Stuffing you so full it leaks out around him. He's got breeder balls, just so full and big and they smack against your ass every time he has you on your back.

There is something to be said about cumming all over his partner's ass though.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He is the biggest sucker for semi-public sex. Especially in the forest. One of his biggest fantasy's is just chasing you into the woods and pining you to a tree. Just taking you right then and there, where no one can hear how loud you scream his name.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He has a few lays under his belt. Whether we go with Malon is an ex, or a friend, or their in a poly-ship with reader, Time and Malon probably have slept together. So he has experience. He knows all the right spots, he knows how to use his tongue and fingers in tandem, he knows. And if he doesn't? He's so willing to learn.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves having you on his lap, holding you close while your face to face, raising your hips up and down up and down up and down-

Anything that gives him that view of you. Your facial expressions, your chest sheening with sweat, your everything.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Serious. He's not very goofy outside of sex, let alone during. Maybe if Reader cracks a small joke, he'll smile, but other than that, he's focusing on every little action and reaction.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Now, this bad boy right here is...not groomed. Sorry not sorry, it had to be said. He has so many more things to focus on, pubic hair is like...third last on that list. When he does get around to it, it's very nice and trimmed. Perfect. But he lets it grow out for a little too long a little too often. As for color? It's probably the same shade as his head hair.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

you know that scene in movies where the main love interest coats the bed in like rose petals and candles and stuff? Time pioneered that. He is the second biggest romantic, second only to sky, and aims to please.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Used to do it all the time. His adventure(s) were high stress situations and the ones where he was a teen? He needed a form of release or he would've lost his shit. Now that he's met you though?

Well sometimes he still does it to the thought of you, but most times he saves it because he knows the sight of you, dripping with his cum, is something so worth the pent up energy.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding Kink.

Whew, glad to get that one off my chest. Even if we already all knew. It doesn't matter if his partner actually can get pregnant, it's just the principle of filling them up, over and over, and over again.

Also, loves edging. I feel it in my tits. He loves pushing his partner to that edge, over and over again only to rip away that pleasure at the last second. It just riles him up like crazy. That control over everything his partner feels makes every part of him just buzz.

Also also, biggest brat tamer. It's part of why he's so open to semi-public sex. If his significant other is being a shithead, he can just take them behind an inn and teach them a lesson :)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere that's private is a given. Rooms at inns, private bath houses, you name it. But he's also open to the not-so-private areas. Maybe just out of earshot of camp? Or perhaps in an alleyway? Down stream from where the boys are bathing?

There are just so many good options.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

High stress situations, but that one is a given. But also, strangely domestic situations. Like ones where your cooking for him or where he's out farming while you occupy yourself with your little gardening corner. Coming home to see you, all dolled up in your little apron (Maybe nothing more-), welcoming him home with your habitual welcome home kiss.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

There's the perfunctory hurting you in any way shape, or form. But, I also think he's heavily against degrading. Any name is either followed by or started with a 'My' or some sort of praise. It has to be evened out in some sort of way to him. He refuses to let it happen otherwise. It just makes something in him shrivel up and cringe in disgust at himself.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Honestly, prefers receiving. He loves giving, don't get him wrong, but something about seeing his lover before him, on their knees, with lashes soaked in tears as they struggle to take him? Makes his entire body just buzz in euphoric anticipation.

He's also loves giving too. And he's good at it. He loves teasing them with movements just firm enough to be felt, but nothing concrete enough to get them anywhere. Keeping them right on that brink.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Like most of them, depends on his mood. But his favorite? Rough and Slow. Making sure he has every single one of his lover's reactions catalogued and that every future one is predicted before it even happens. If their close, he's ensuring his pace slows just enough. His tempo is steady but just enough to keep them at a buzz instead of the glorious wave of euphoria until he is damn well good and ready.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He's open to them. Not his favorite, but when your on the road, sometimes you just gotta take what you can get. Maybe he's fingering you in the dead of night and hoping that you can stay quiet enough to not wake anyone. Maybe he's throwing a blanket over your lap and keeping you seated right where he wants you on his cock. Maybe he's letting you suck him off behind a tree while the boys are doing laundry or something.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's a little into risks. Part of the brat-taming and semi public sex. It just gives him that rush of adrenaline that keeps him buzzing. It's nothing like fighting, where he's constantly watching to save his life, one of the boys' lives, or even your own. No, this is something that he's allowed to relish in and let it run his brain for just a little.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Days, Man has Stamina. He just knows it. He's going until his partner says otherwise. He's always down for pumping load after load into his partner. He's not letting up until the sun is bathing you both in it's perfect rays.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I think he owns a few. Silken ropes to bind his lover's hands, maybe a gag or two here or there. A few plugs? Just to keep his darling full just a little longer.

If his darling is being a little extra bratty, he'll pull out the leather bound straps designed to keep them stretched and prone for whatever he deems an appropriate punishment.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The worst. The absolute Worst. He is the biggest tease especially when it comes edging. Like I said prior, he's into edging. And that and teasing just go hand in hand together so well. So, yea, he loves to tease.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not overly loud. He's mainly low grunts and groans, any time he thinks he's gonna break just a little, he's muffling his voice into your shoulder or your neck.

If you really wanna hear him, give him a surprise blowjob first thing in the morning, before he has the chance to hide away behind his mask. He'll give you all the pretty noises your heart desires.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

If Reader were to bring up a threesome between them and Malon, he would probably do it, if only to see them happy. He has no interest in sharing, but if that's what his darling wants, then that's what it shall be.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

PACKING HEAT-

He's got the girth and the length for a man of his stature. Thick and long, eight inches, eight and a half when hard, with a gorgeous head, redder than his skin tone. Littered with sensitive veins too. Also uncircumcised.

And I know I mentioned this before, but he's got big, heavy balls just full of cum waiting for his lover.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not as high as you would think. It's pretty average, maybe a bit below, but after a super intense situation, I think it's a given he's ready for a romp.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He's naturally an insomniac, so he doesn't fall asleep very easily afterwards. No, he instead spends his time watching you sleep, brushing back your hair and soothing over any of the marks he marred your skin with.