#and often doesn't think about how his actions effect others sometimes

[slightlypossessed]

Monday Mornings // S.G

Summary: Steven's found his new favourite way to start off his week.

Warnings: This is a smut ladies and gentlemen, teeth rotting lovin' from our favourite steven (fuck you steve rogers), and a hell lot of action.

Word Count: 5.5k+

Monday mornings were always the worst for Steven.

Not only did he have troubling sleeping, but when he did sleep, he'd wake up missing a few days and feeling like he got run over by a bus, twice. He also has to get up and get ready to catch the bus for his 8-hour shift of Trying Not To Kill Donna™ and Tolerating The Plethora Of Historical Inaccuracies™.

But recently, since you've been in his life, he's come to not mind Mondays — in fact, he even looks forward to them now.

Steven never thought he'd manage to have himself a friend, let alone a girlfriend.

But he, somehow, managed not to fuck up the days, showed up on time and brought you roses and some fancy chocolate — leaving you with a very good impression for a first date and a heart yearning for more.

You couldn't help it, really, the gravitational pull to the mystifying universe that was Steven was just far too captivating for you not to get attracted to.

The way he talks and gesticulates, with widened eyes filled with unbridled mirth and excitement as he talks about the latest addition to the museum, or his love for Egyptian deities and their histories, had come to have quite the effect on you.

An effect that's warm and dopey, reminding you of the after effects of cough syrup, or a long day in the sun.

You found yourself staring at him often, with a small smile and a look of adoration, in wonder as to how the hell didn't he manage to get snagged way sooner? couldn't people see the beautiful curve of his angular jaw, reflecting the light off in a way that made it look all the much more sharper? or the way his finely curved cupid bow would dip when his pink lips would smile or he'd speak, and wonder what it'd feel like to kiss them? did they not wonder what his soft, dark curls would feel like as they ran their fingers through them?

Because you certainly did — in fact, it's all you did since you've met Steven.

You've spent hours, days, wondering how nice his lips would feel between yours, or how wonderful it'd feel to touch his soft, dark curls, fantasizing about how they'd feel as they snag gently between your fingertips as you played with them, or tugging at them as his soft lips mouth at your neck, your chest, maybe your thighs, or at somewhere warmer, wetter.

And his fingers— god, his fingers — you imagined them holding yours and playing with them as you huddled up with him, imagined how'd they feel caressing your face in motions soothing both you and him. There were the occasional images of his fingers splayed around your neck, touching and caressing and groping. these were usually followed by abrupt, lust-filled flashes of his fingers shoved deep inside you as you rock in rhythm with his long, strong fingers stroking your cunt.

Steven thinks he's the luckiest chap on earth for managing to somehow get someone so beautiful, so wonderful, someone like you, to be his girlfriend— his.

He doesn't know that you wake up everyday with pretty much the same thought; in wonder of how you managed to find someone so sweet, so lovely, like steven to be your boyfriend, to be yours.

Yours to hold, yours to touch, to love, to fuck, yours, yours, yours.

And you're his, too. His to admire, his to hold, to protect, to make love to, his, his, his — fucking his.

Since you've been in his life, you've not only made him like Mondays, but every other day, and every hour — pretty much every second because your here, you're with him, in his life and his bed — and sometimes in his makeshift office reading his books and touching his things, asking questions with wide, pretty eyes and listening to his long stories with a pretty smile on your pretty face.

And Steven has to hold himself back, then, to not pounce on you and kiss your soft lips and feel that lovely smile with his eyes closed, tracing out every line and ridge of your lips and commit them to memory, or take you by the waist over to his bed and make your eyes widen and flutter in something other than curiosity.

Or maybe even just hold you, take you in his arms and hold you close till the only thing he can feel is you, till his senses and his heart are full of you — becoming one with you.

Steven's realized that this is the only way he can actually sleep: with your arms around him, fingers soothing through his curls in motions that left his brain half-melted into his cranium as you kissed his forehead goodnight.

It's his new favourite thing, having you cradle him in your arms and letting him hold you in return, dozing off with you in a sleep so deep that he question himself the next morning if he might've accidentally slipped into a short coma.

it's just that — he's never felt quite so refreshed when he woke up. Steven usually woke up bolting out of bed, with the memories of a far-too-vivid nightmare and a metallic taste in his mouth.

He never falls asleep so easily either; it's usually an unintentional thing. He fights off sleep like it's his mortal enemy, and in return sleep yanks and wrangles his consciousness till it slips and he submits to sleep's awaiting claws unwittingly.

But with you sleep is something tender — something warm and riddled with child-like exhaustion, lulling him to a warm and gooey sense of calm.

And he loves waking up with you still in his arms, too. Besides feeling like everytime he wakes up to you is the most relaxed he'll ever be, he loves the little littered kisses that follow your hoarsely murmured "morning", kisses so random that it makes him think you're mapping out obscure constellations across his face and neck.

Another things steven has grown to love is putting that newfound energy he got from his deep sleep into good use.

Like he's doing right now.

it's why loves Mondays, he gets to watch you cum to start off his week. He couldn't imagine a better anything to motivate him go get through the week like the sight of you splayed out on his bed, fisting his sheets and moaning his name.

The sight of you breaking down in pleasure under his hold has him ready to go through his week, if only to get to have you for the weekend, two whole day to make you tremble and mewl under him — or above him, he doesn't mind.

"Fuck, steven, please," this is the nth time you beg him this morning to please just give you a little more, a little friction, please just anything to make you cum.

But he likes to savour these moments, and by savouring he means holding you on edge for as long as he can before you go insane.

And you know that he loves this, you know that your voice begging and moaning for him will echo in his head all day, acting as a confidence booster and adding a little skip to his step.

His tongue slows once more, "I thought you told me to do whatever I want?" he asks, his sound muffled by your sopping center.

"yes, I— but please, I can't, it's been too long, please steven, please, please, please." your voice comes out soft and breathy, edged with simmering desperation. You think if he doesn't do something soon you'll have to take matters into your own hands — flip him over and ride him till you're both sated.

He chuckles, deep and low, shooting you a smile too sly to be on your sweet steven's face, but that's what you do to him — your begging and whining spurring him to a confident dominance.

He continues his ministrations once more, this time granting your wish and adding two of his long fingers into you, spreading you open for the first time this morning. involuntarily, you clench around them, your muscles reacting to the gratification of your wishes for more friction. His mouth is on your cunt again, licking and sucking at your clit — giving it small kitten licks and a light graze of his teeth.

And it's too much now, it's been almost 30 minutes that's he's been shoving his tongue in you and playing with your clit that the mere addition of his finger significantly increases the tempo of your heart. You can feel yourself break a sweat despite the cool air of steven's apartment, and your vocal cords strum on their own accord; low mewls and moans of his name sound from deep within your throat, increasing in pitch with every stroke of his fingers inside — especially as he repeatedly hits that one spot that has you keening.

As you clench more around his fingers, Steven finds himself involuntarily moaning into your cunt. Deep, needy sounds escaping him as he thinks of how good you'd feel around his cock — his painfully hard cock that has so far only been stimulated by Steven's occasional hump of the mattress.

He's trying to savour this, savour you, saving his pleasure till you're begging and delirious, only then will he let himself sate the throbbing ache at his center.

But he's in a playful mood today, something he's been more and more since he's been with you.

Your presence around him and they way you react and respond him help him believe that maybe he's not as much of a loser as he thought himself to be. He's got to be doing something right if he managed to get you.

You make him confident and calm, and Steven has never felt more confident in his own skin than when he was around you, cracking jokes and retelling anecdotes to watch you giggle and look at him like he's your stars and moon, or like when he was spreading you open with his mouth, finger and cock to watch you shudder and cry under him.

You moan louder underneath him, your back arching on it's own accord as the vibrations of his deep moans stimulate your clit further. He keeps moving his fingers inside you, barely pulling them out before they're stroking at your spot again — it's almost a grind now, steady and deep. He moans once more and you arch further, your hips jutting towards his jaw causing your center to grind with his tongue and fingers. He keeps sucking at your clit, pulling for a moment to blow cool air on it then delving back in. The sudden shift from warm to cool then warm again throws you for a loop, and for a moment your head spins dangerously as if you've just stepped off a rollercoaster and fuck you don't think you can take it; it's too much , too good, too— fuck fuck fuck it's so goo—

—Steven pulls away just as you begin to spasm around him, already tipping off the edge. The shock of him pulling away so suddenly — ripping away both his warm tongue and his fingers — has you reeling back from climax.

"What the fuck? Why Steven?" you inquire, trying to sound stern but your voice is still high and breathy, cracking in the middle to further prove how far gone you were before he rudely interrupted your descent to your high.

"If you want to come I think you have to pull your own weight around here," he replies, a playful smile on his softened features, contrasting his teasing words.

His intention isn't lost on you; you know how much Steven likes you riding him, and how much better it feels when you're in a desperate haze like you are now.

He pulls back, giving you space to lower your leg from his shoulder and scoot back to sit up and look at him.

His jaw and lips shine with your arousal, and you have to resist the urge to pull him by the nape to taste yourself on his lips, opting instead to shoot him the stink eye.

But you can only manage a slight furrow, still too hazy with endorphins to summon an expression holding any true discontentment.

"Couldn't you have done this after you made me come?" you arch a brow, "It's only fair after you've been torturing me for the past 30 minutes."

Steven's smile stretches, peaking slightly at one side, granting him a cheshire effect.

"Please?" he bats his lashes at you and slightly tilts his head, and fuck that bastard has the audacity to look so cute. He doesn't hang on your previous comment, knowing by now that your words are teasing at best, and hold no true contempt.

You try to resist him, you really do, but Steven's current mannerisms remind you of a cute kitty, with his doe eyes and warm expression, and you find it hard to deny him — or yourself — the pleasure of granting his wish.

You push yourself upwards, your fingers hook with the chain around his neck, and you use it to pull him towards you as you tilt your head to give him a soft kiss, and another, followed by another one, this time slightly hotter — his tongue moving to slot itself between your lips granting you a taste of yourself mixed in with his own tatse.

And he tatses sweet, something slightly tart but sweet like powdered sugar. You would kiss him forever if you could, but unfortunately your need for air makes itself ever-present, so you pull away to take in small gasps of air before going back to kiss his lips not even a second later.

One of Steven's hands move from where it rests at your hip to hitch up your shirt — well, his shirt — but he made the mistake of once telling you what's his is yours, so now this shirt, and all his other shirts, are a part of your assets.

His other hand moves to hold the back of your neck, keeping you in place as he takes control and kisses your mouth with barely controlled desperation — you think if he doesn't get his cock in you soon he'll just opt to fucking your mouth with his tongue.

Another low sounds vibrates against your lips like it did against your clit, and you find yourself kissing him with more fervour, chasing the pretty sound and hoping to elicit more of it.

You move the hand holding his chain to splay against his neck, not squeezing but simply resting there. Your other hand moves down his warm chest, your fingers tracing at his abs and suddenly you're overcome with urge to lick them and taste his flesh under your tongue.

But you save it, waiting to build him like he did with you. Your hands continue their trail towards his boxers to find them already stained with his arousal. You reach beyond the hem, a reluctant finger caressing his wet tip.

Steven's breath hitches against your lips, and he pulls for a moment to release a shaky exhale. His eyes flutter open for a moment, and he moans when he sees your eyes already open, watching him with blown-out pupils.

His reaction motivates you, and you reach in to pull his cock out, pushing away his boxers and watching as he impatiently rips them off and throw them somewhere in the corner.

You tilt your face forward, moving to reconnect your lips. This time you offer Steven a gentle kiss, something to match the light caress of your hand against his aching cock.

He groans against your lips, his mouth parting slightly as you increase your tempo a little, and you repeat the same tongue movements he used against your cunt on his lips, eliciting a much higher moan this time — almost a whine. Steven's hands grip you closer, leaving you almost flushed against him.

You pull away to watch him. His brows are furrowed and his lips hang slightly as soft pants hit your lips.

You move one leg to straddle his hip, not stopping your hand movements on his cock, and you gently manoeuvre him so that he's lying in the center of the bed. He lets you move him around, completely pliant under your touch.

Your grip tightens around him, stimulating him further and you watch as he tilts his head back with a low moan. Your other hand, which now rests at his shoulder, moves down to graze over his nipples. You watch as they harden under your touch and lean down to kiss one, taking it in your mouth and giving it a long suckle for good measure.

Steven's hip stutter underneath you, his jerky movement almost throwing you off where you're straddling his hips. He's panting rapidly now, with moans and whines slipping from his lips — one's he can't control even if he wants to.

You weren't the only one getting all hot and bothered this past half hour. Steven has been fighting the urge to grant himself relief, waiting to feel your touch and your pussy. He's spent the last 30 minutes getting harder and harder, till it's almost pleasurebly painful that you're touching him now.

"fuck, oh please," he whines, his brow furrowing deepening and his back arching slightly. He doesn't know what he's begging for, he definitely doesn't want to come before he's inside you and made you come, but he's also so achingly hard and wants more friction than simply your hands.

"please what, baby?" you tease, enjoying how easy it is to make him like this: needy and whiny all for you.

"n-need you, please. y-your m-mouth or-or anything, please," he begs, his voice going deeper as he tries to ground himself for your pleasure.

You lean down and grant him a long kiss on his parted soft, pink lips. He kisses you back fervently, wasting no time to lick at your lips and arching under you to touch your skin together, only to realize your still wearing his shirt. He pulls back, this time the furrow in his brows is of contempt toward the offending clothing. He quickly pulls it off of you, throwing it in the same direction his boxers went. Immediately, his hand is soothing down your hair and splaying across your back to pull you closer to him. You go with him, leaning till your chest is in contact with his warm one and meet his lips halfway through for a brief kiss before you pull back to litter kisses across his jaw and down his neck. You pause at that sensitive spot at his jugular and give it a light bite, before soothing it with a lick of your tongue. Steven's head falls back to the pillow, his moans vibrating through his throat and against your lips.

His hips thrust up to meet every movement of your hand, setting a slow and steady pace as he fucks himself up into your fist.

You begin kissing down his chest, following the same trail your hands took a few minutes ago. You mouth at his chest once more, sucking each nipples into your mouth for a few seconds each, swirling your tongue around his areola.

Steven's moans increase then, adopting a breathier edge. His hips move rapidly again your hands, his hipbone slapping against your inner thighs.

"Please, please, fuck. So good, too good fo'me," he murmurs towards the ceiling as his head tips back further, exposing the veins of his neck. You look up at him, mesmerized by his beauty. Something about Steven when he's so needy like this has you reeling. His blissed expression triggering more wetness between your thighs. You stop your ministrations for a moment, moving to put both hands on either side of steven's broad chest.

He whines pitifully, his hips stuttering against nothing. Suddenly his cock feels cold against the breeze coming from the window in the corner, and he tries to fight the tingles at the base of his spine and his cock to focus enough to open his eyes and look at you.

As his eyes manage to flutter open, they're already closing again as you begin to kiss his neck once more, sucking and biting at his soft throat.

His hands move to hold you closer, one tangling in your hair and the other tightening around your waist. He makes a soft noise, one that interrupts your kisses and attempts at marking him and you peer at him curiously.

His eyes are hooded, that familiar pleasurable furrow in his brows present again and he voices softly: "j-just come here and kiss me,"

His tone is faint and breathy, and you fight the urge to swoon at how pretty he sounds.

"Of course, baby." you reply with a smile, already leaning down to give him his requested smooches.

He groans against your lips as you kiss him, his hands tightening around you. His hand at your waist moves from holding onto one side of you to wrapping around your waist entirely and pulling you flush against him, causing your cunt to rest right above where he needs you most. You feel his tip slightly grazing against your entrance, causing you to pull back from his lips, realigning to finish your previous mission before he distracted you with his kissable neck and pretty lips.

He whines quietly at the loss of contact, but it quickly turn to a low moan when he notices where you're headed.

You manoeuvre down towards his hips, gifting his lower abs with open-mouthed kisses, with occasional soft licks and bites. By the time you're down with him, steven's soft, tan skin will be covered with evidence of your love for him.

You descend in your path, reaching his hip bones and giving each side a kiss, before deftly skipping over his cock that's begging for your attention and opting to loiter kisses at the soft expanse of his inner thighs.

His hips jerk at the contact with his soft thighs, and you find yourself using both arms to hold him down onto the mattress.

He whines out another plea, titling his head to look at you — in a haze, you lock eyes with him and move towards the heavy weight of his cock, grasping it and giving it a few pumps before leaning down to give the tip a few soft kisses, extending down till the base.

Steven's hip jerk against your hold as he stutters out another moan, one mixed with your name.

His expression looks tortured, he's tied between letting you have your way with him or flipping you over and getting his own pleasure that he's becoming increasingly desperate for.

Thankfully, you quiet his inner conflict as you suck his tip into your mouth. You pump the rest of him before sliding down further, taking more of him into your mouth until he's hitting the back of your throat. you massage the rest of is length, moving your hand in rhythm with the steady bobs of your head.

Steven sighs out your name, a quiet sound you miss at first and only notice when he repeats it after you pull away to suck at his head once more.

His hand in your hair moves to take your other hand that lies across his hips, intertwining your fingers together across his stomach. The sudden acts of affection sparks something sweet and warm within your chest, turning molten hot as it fills you down to your core and you find yourself moving your mouth and hand more rapidly.

"fuck, I- please, I can't, can't-" Steven almost howls as you increase your speed. Suddenly, his hands are pulling you away from his cock and up till you're face to face with him and your pussy rests atop his hard length.

He's panting rapidly, his eyelids still fluttering as his lips pull into a soft smirk. Despite having woken up only an hour prior, his expression is one of sleepy exhaustion, but you know that's just the effect of the blissful tingles that run from his cock to sizzle out his neuron synapses — melting his brain till the only comprehensible thought is you, you, you.

"my little minx, you," he teases softly with a chuckle, making you smirk as he pulls you by an arm around your shoulders to kiss you.

His other hand aligns your hips above him, and takes his aching cock to nudge at your entrance. His tip catches on your clit, eliciting a gasp from you at the sudden sensation.

Your head drops to his shoulders, hiding in his soft embrace as he begins to rock up into you.

He pushes up into you, his head tilting back, a sinful moan choking out of his throat.

"fuck," he groans, "didn't want to come before I got to feel you come around me, darling." he whispers in your ear, the low tone causing his accent to sound much thicker.

Steve thrusts into you, bottoming out. His tip hits the deepest part of you, the way it always does whenever you two make love. The curve of his dick is perfect for you, grazing every area and spot that has you seeing stars. sometimes it feels so good you believe you've transcended and may even see these deities steven describes so vividly.

His hand at your hip moves to wrap around you, his arm pushing you even closer to him before he uses it for leverage to push you up and down his cock.

Your hips begin to grind in tandem with his slow, yet deep thrusts.

"c'mere, look at me," he pulls you by the nape from his shoulder, his fingers lovingly caress your cheeks as he lock eyes with you, "look at me, baby."

Your foreheads touch and suddenly the act seems a hundred times more intimate now, with your eyes exposed for him to read your every expression — and he offers the same to you, a baring of vulnerability and trust laid at your feet.

Steven sets a steady pace with you, both of you now pulling your weight in to reach orgasm. one hands reaches up to hold his hair, running your fingers to feel his curls latch onto your fingers. What once was a fantasy for you is now an everyday reality. With Steven you get all that you ask for, and more.

As the thought settles into place, you find yourself preening into his eyes, admiring the brown irises you've come to adore in the past few months.

Your grinds become more irratic, more desperate.

"What?" he chuckled breathlessly as he notices the way you're staring at him, with wide eyes and raised brows and small pout at your lips. Despite the combination of expressions, you look quite... smitten to him.

"I just-" you begin, but the words catch in your throat. This isn't the first time you've told him you loved him, you and steven have been open about your feelings towards eachother from day one, but you've never said it during sex before — depending on the act itself to portray the emotion.

But you want to — have to.

You're gripped by a sudden urge to tell him over and over that you love him, in love him, smitten, completely gone, a total goner.

"I just really fucking love you," you confess against his lips, before melding them with your own.

Steven's hips stutter mid-thrust, a high sound releasing from his throat as he grips onto you tighter.

He pulls back, his brows lifted in slight shock but they fall back in pleasure as you deliver a particularly slow grind of your hips.

"I-I f- love you t-too," he stutters out through the haze in brain. He's positive his brain is just a pile of pink goo in his skull now, melted down by your languid ministrations and desperate confession.

He leans up to kiss you again, pulling your lower lip and giving it a slight bite, rolling it between his teeth. Simultaneously, his hips increase in speed, as do yours.

You struggle slightly with meeting his thrusts, his cock's constant catching on your g-spot leaves you with a puddle of a brain and legs too shaky to function.

As he continues to kiss you, swallowing down every mewl and whine and gifting you his own sounds in return, his hand at your neck reaches down between you two to rub at your clit, stroking it in tight circles.

"fuck, S-Steven," you pant out as you break apart to catch your breath. "so close baby, please."

"me too, me too." he replies just as breathless. His finger speed up, his thrusts hitting harder inside causing you to clamp down on him elicit another of his beautiful whines.

"Come for me, c'mon," he murmurs against your lips, his sweaty forehead touching yours with every movement of your bodies.

He nudges your nose with his own when your eyes close, slowing his fingers for a moment. "look at me, hey, look at me, please," he asks, almost begs, "want to see you come fo'me."

He speeds up his fingers once more, and leans up to kiss you just as you release a sound he can only describe as delicious. It's tenor causes his dick to twitch inside of you — and suddenly that simple gesture, alone with his incessant thrusting and constant stimulation of your clit has you keening, your body curving in as you tremble above him and finally, finally, come.

A cross between a sigh and a high cry erupts from you, and the sound, along with your cunt holding his cock in a vice grip, triggers Steven's own orgasm.

He can feel your grinding hips coming to slow stop over him, and the slight stimulation as he comes has his cock pulsing even more.

The feeling of him coming deep inside you as you come around Ignites white flashes behind your eyelids that have involuntarily fallen shut. Steven makes you see stars — feel stars — as warmth ignites your skin and fills you completely.

"I love you, I l-love you, i-fuck, i love you, I love-" you repeat deliriously as you ride out your long high, fingers latching onto his neck and waist to ground yourself.

Steven releases another high, breathless sound as his eyes flutter in bliss, overwhelmed in the best way possible– both by your cunt still pulsing around him, and your desperate words of affection.

As you come down from high and open your eyes, you find Steven's to still be close, his mouth slightly agape and his brows pulled together in pleasure as quiet whimpers sound from his throat in his afterglow.

You experiment a little, grinding your hips again against Steven's. You ignore the aftershocks that flow through you, only focusing on Steven's pink dusted cheeks and blissed-out expression that begins to contort as you grind against him once more.

His heels dig into the mattress underneath you, trying to stave off the burning in his base as you tease him further.

"fu-fuck sweetheart, s-stop," he chokes on a whimper halfway through his sentence. His trembling hands move to hold your hips still.

He finally manages to open his eyes, and takes note of your smug expression and sly smirk.

Before you can begin to tease him verbally, he opens his mouth to reply to all your confessions from earlier.

He takes your face in his hands and brings you close once again. He holds you there for a moment, just admiring you.

"I love you, so much."

He pulls you down on him, manoeuvring with you in his arms so that you're under him. His arms wrap under and around you — one at your shoulders and the other pulling your waist towards him as he lowers himself to cage you underneath him.

"I love you. I love you so, so, so much." he repeats between the kisses he's began to plant on your neck.

The pleasure of your previous orgasm and his affectionate words have you giggling mirthfully into his neck.

With a hand in his hair you pull him back up to give him a long, fat kiss on his jaw before tilting to appreciate his soft lips with your tongue.

He lets you kiss him for a moment, simply holding you and feeling you drip around his cock that's still inside you, before he pulls away, an apologetic smile on his face.

"I have to get up, darling," he informs you, his voice quiet. "My shift's in an hour and Donna will have my arse if I'm late again."

"I know," you tell him, but hold him closer anyway, nuzzling your body into him.

You know he'll have to get up soon, but you try to extend this morning for as long as you can. If he'll try to pull away too soon, you'll just use the excuse that you're helping boost him up for his long week.

Maybe even offer a pout and a "but i thought you liked Monday mornings with me?"

And you know he'll stay a little longer then, even if it's just to kiss your pout away.

My first published moon knight fic, hopefully I'll get around to finishing the other 3 in my drafts.

Hope you've enjoyed this one, and if you want to read more click here

[sk3tch404]

Yandere Phantom Troupe with a s/o who gets friendly with other partners

Characters: Chrollo, Phinks, Nobunaga and Franklin

A/n: Ehhhh just a small thing. Brain fried from school and lack of proper sleep. Hope my HXH fixation stays strong for a while longer 😍 Also i think the writing is lowkey ugly but I think it's mostly the brain fog

Also wanted to do Uvogin but miss girl I really can't with ts rn... Btw I dont do Franklin I just like his character. ONE TIME THING OK 👌

Also in my ghosting era. Sorry moots I'm dying but bitch im alive but I'm dead 💔

Chrollo

Now what the hell do you think you're doing?

It's good to see that you're still capable of social interaction, but getting all buddy buddy with the other partners will make him extremely jealous.

His jealousy doesn't stem from his fear of them taking you away from him, it's purely because he thinks that HE should be the only one you spend your leisurely time with. Not some nobodies.

Chrollo is very straightforward and verbal in his expression of feelings. He will tell you to knock it off and stay near him for now on.

Maybe he will be more lenient when you talk to them from a distance.

Disobey and you will lose many privileges. It's not too often the troupe has meetings, so if there is a next time to prove yourself, (Assuming you've made up a lot for it and have obtained outside pleasures) you'd better either keep your head to the ground, or your eyes boring into his.

Eyes are the windows to the soul aren't they? Personally, Chrollo agrees with this sentiment. 

But if you're planning on escaping with the aid of that other partner, you better pray he takes some kind of psychological pity on you.

He WILL find out about it. Chrollo is a master manipulator and can read others out very well after some time.

Regarding that he has taken everything from you, he will know that you are keeping something from him.

It's not as if he didn't predict this, but it still dissapointed him.

Punishment is never tortuous, but it's direct and precise. Chrollo takes want he wants no matter how he gets it.

Sometimes you think of it as a blade hidden under his long sleeve. He closes in, saying things you wish not want to hear again, and strikes you in the most vital parts.

Phinks 

Literally does not care that much if you don't make a big deal out of it. Though, he does make sure you stay close and listens in to check you're not conspiring or anything. 

He will only get pissed if you seem really giddy after interacting with the other partner or if you keep looking around like an idiot for some kind of opportunity.

Somewhat playful about it. Phinks will tease you condescendingly, implying things you know you would be immensely punished for. 

Your terrified face and nervous defensive speech strokes his ego a lot. 

Yeah that's right, you're his. Only he works to make you that happy. Any other being trying to lure you into their untrustworthy hold will get their head spun around back and over. 

But if you're planning something against him, he will have no hesitation and will take you back home that instant.

Informs troupe members he encounters that he has personal business while dragging you out by your arm.

The boss is more understanding when it comes to partner business, so he approves of his actions.

Punishment is painful yet effective. The next time the Troupe meets up, you dare not to look at anyone else. Especially that other darling.

It seems like they were punished too.

Nobunaga

Why the hell are you ruining everything for yourself? 

He's a very moody and emotional person. Seeing you enjoy yourself with that other person will make him extremely envious and agitated.

If you're REALLY enjoying it then things will take a turn for the worst.

Nobunaga will walk up to the two of you and intimidate the other partner. The yandere of that partner will most likely not take kindly to that, and they will start to have a verbal dispute. 

Chrollo will have to silence the two and might even toss a coin to decide what to do about the outburst.

When you two get home, you will be heavily interrogated. If you don't declare your very existence and devotion to your "relationship", then off to the lions you go.

Nobunaga always makes punishment personal; Insulting you and putting words in your mouth. Never leaves you alone and makes it a point to let you know how much you hurt him, and how bad he is going to hurt you.

But if you are simply having small talk, then Nobunaga will pull you aside and tell the yandere to keep their partner away from his lover. 

The yandere will most likely agree or wave off to his demands, and keep what's theirs to themselves.

His grip is swift and harsh. You feel like a brick in calloused hands waiting for an open opportunity.

Nobunaga doesn't think before he acts in social situations. His feelings take over and his sword swerves up and around, aimed towards person contradicting his own view.

He is greedy, not selfish. 

Safe to say that you now don't open your mouth at meetings anymore unless you're told to…

Franklin

Eh as long as you're happy and not doing anything stupid.

He knows you need to talk to someone else other than himself. You are human after all.

Franklin will question you about your conversations. He secretly hopes you talked about him in a flattering light, but he knows that most likely was not a subject brought up.

Unless you want to get smart and start conspiring, you best not let him hear in on too much or find out.

Franklin is an observer and only acts when needed. His quiet and large stature is enough to intimidate most, so when he tells you he knows, confess and apologize as if you life depended on it.

He is a very patient, rational and calculating man, so he knows what you need when you need it.

It's better to stay docile rather than to mess up because you thought you could fool him. Did you think just because you found an easy way out, that you had even the slightest chance of keeping it a secret from him? Franklin of all people?

The man who is basically the troupe's second leader, the man who literally shoots nen bullets out of his hands, the man who could SNAP YOU IN HALF if he wanted to.

Punishment is not as bad as it would be if you actually did escape, but it still resulted in you being closed off to others much more than to him.

But other than that he doesn't mind you a few friends here and there. Just as long as you're loyal to him, he carries on without much issue.

Isn't the jealous type. More possessive.

[fantastic-nonsense]

also before anyone gets the wrong idea about my Jason response, I wasn't trying to say that Jason doesn't care about women and kids or that a well-characterized Jason wouldn't respect women. The point I was trying to make is that while Canon!Jason is perfectly happy to shoot rapists or abusers or drug dealers dealing to kids because he thinks they're scum, he's not shown as someone who like...specifically sets out to protect the unprotected or thinks it's his actual mission to do so.

Post-Crisis!Jason had exactly two life goals as Red Hood: make Batman's life a living hell by creating chaos and prove he's "better" at crimefighting than Bruce. Even taking over Gotham's gang scene was largely a means to an end for him. He kills all those guys because he genuinely thinks the world is better off without them, but his primary goal is not actually to clean up Gotham for the sake of cleaning it up or to protect other people from suffering his own fate; it's to fuck with and piss off Bruce by showing him that his way (killing people and becoming a crime lord) is a "more effective" way of solving crime. And in doing so, he often fucked over or blatantly used people he would have previously died to protect when he was Robin.

And whether or not you agree with that characterization, Judd Winick has been very open in interviews about how Jason's hypocrisy is something he genuinely enjoyed writing, so it was clearly a deliberate choice on his part to portray Jason that way even disregarding the various awful OOC characterizations of Jason we had to deal with in other post-Crisis stories:

As we saw in the original run, he’s also comfortable controlling crime and even becoming a part of it. He can’t kill everyone, nor does he want to. So, along with handing out his own brand of justice, he does believe that crime can be controlled. Batman had said it makes you a crime lord. Jason doesn’t think it makes him a crime lord at all. He thinks it makes him a much more effective Batman. Yes, Jason sees what he’s doing as making himself into a better Batman, the Batman that the world actually needs today. But some of that is just Jason fooling himself. The truth is, all of it is based in the fact that Jason is just damaged and tortured and angry with Bruce. And this is a constant revenge upon him..... ......I also like the fact that Jason’s actions aren’t black and white. Sometimes he functions in that gray area, and it gives you the license to be somewhat hypocritical, because he is. I used to do that with Oliver Queen in Green Arrow, and people would go crazy, because I thought it was interesting to explore that sometimes he’s a bit of a hypocrite. I find that likable about the character. And in Jason’s case, he professes that he’s trying to be a better Batman and he’s trying to rid the world of evil, but then he’s also just trying to stick it to Batman. It’s very much a man-child thing going on. [x]

Warning for victim-blaming Jason for his own death in this one:

Jason can do a certain level of good in one arc and a horrible in the next, and none of that would be out of character. He’s very unpredictable. Maybe that’s what makes him kind of interesting. He’s someone who is tortured, he’s someone who is damaged, he is someone who has been through a lot and is still just trying to find his way. You could say he’s a good man who does very, very bad things, and it’s not always the case that he’s doing bad things for the greater good, sometimes it’s doing bad things just for the bad. Killing villains in his opinion isn’t a bad thing. There is somewhat a message and methodology to what he’s doing, but at the same time he lets his emotions get the better of him. It’s what got him killed. It’s the sort of thing that Jason, in a way, wouldn’t surprise me if he is viewed as somewhat heroic for a fashion, but then falls back on bad behavior, which could happen from year to year, you don’t know. From anti-hero to villain to back again, I don’t know. [x]

So that's the opinion of the man who brought Jason back to life, wrote his debut arc as Red Hood, and also wrote the one other post-Crisis story Jason fans universally like (Lost Days).

Meanwhile post-Flashpoint!Jason is generally too busy dealing with his own trauma and his teammates' issues to actually dedicate any significant, consistent effort to protecting and saving vulnerable populations like sex workers, abused women, and orphaned children. Wanting to save them is usually his response when he stumbles upon something happening, but reboot!Jason generally does not consider it a core moral mission to seek out opportunities to protect or save these groups. Writers other than Scott Lobdell occasionally gave him stories featuring him doing so, but they were incredibly few and far between since Lobdell was Jason's primary writer for nearly a decade. Not to mention Lobdell's blatant misogyny led to a Jason that repeatedly objectified women and engaged in casual sexism on a depressingly regular basis...which despite being theoretically antithetical to Jason's childhood and Robin-era characterization is a characterization he maintained throughout the majority of his post-reboot appearances. So like...that's also a thing to consider.

DC finally seems to be moving a little more in the direction of matching Jason's motivations with his pre-death characterization (where he DID consistently showcase a genuine respect for women and desire to protect vulnerable children), but until that becomes a more consistent aspect of his character now I can't in good conscience pretend like fanon's interpretation of Red Hood!Jason as this incredibly pro-woman guy who has a core character trait of respecting and protecting women and wanting to keep children out of the crossfire actually exists in canon. That's the point I was trying to make in my original post about Jason and Helena. Nothing more, nothing less.

[nekropsii]

do u have any links to resources about the beta and alpha kids' characterizations and personalities if you have any? i am interested in writing for them and i just wanna know what makes them them iykwim

The Beta + Alpha Kids are... By no means my specialty, as everyone knows, and I personally have zero interest in writing them. That said, I'm pretty sure that most "guides" like that are written by and for writers of lighthearted, canon non-compliant roleplaying, and all the ones that I've seen... Aren't good, and are typically incredibly biased. They definitely tend to want the reader to portray the character in whatever light they see the character in, rather than... How they are in canon. For example, some lean heavily into making Dave a soft, perfect victim, Rose into a tea-drinking lesbian, Jake into a lowkey villain, et cetera.

This is about to get pretty long. It's been a while since I've had to put something under a Read-More... But here we are. Let's get going.

Content Warning: Long, Whole Lot of Rambling about the Technical Aspects of Writing.

There tends to be interjection of headcanons, unnecessary opinions, and ham-fisted attempts to make characters look better or worse than they actually are. Context is missing, sources are missing, so on. Oftentimes when looking at guides to writing characters, I wind up just questioning what comic the writer read, because it doesn't feel as if we read the same one. Their writing and critical thinking skills are often called into question as well, given the way these guides tend to approach characters as a concept.

There's often a distinct failure in being actually analytical or observant, and they tend to view characters more as People than they do... Well, Characters. Which may sound like an odd distinction to make, until you realize that when you're writing a character, you need to understand what role they're fulfilling in a narrative before you focus on who they are as a person and judging their morals. Characters aren't anything more than narrative devices. They're strictly there to drive the plot forward. Yes, since characters tend to be people, of which are often in situations, you tend to judge their morality, ethics, the way they handle their circumstances and other people with average human judgment... But at the end of the day, moral arguments and personhood matter less than what they are meant to do, what they're supposed to represent, and how they're supposed to drive the plot forward. To focus on who and how they are as People- how righteous they are, how much their morals align with yours or those of the real world- is to focus on Form over Function.

Characters are Tools. A tool can be painful to use, or painful to watch in action, but it's still a tool. Sometimes pliers are for pulling teeth, and sometimes they're for twisting wire. You can't effectively pull teeth with a wrench, and you can't effectively hammer a nail with a screwdriver. You could, theoretically, and I'd love to watch someone try, but it's not recommended. It's ineffective. You need to know what a tool is for, how you could use it, and maybe even how you could make your usage of them surprising. A hammer is typically used for driving nails into place. Usually with the head. This doesn't mean you can't drive the nail in with its side, and it doesn't mean you can't use it to break fingers.

What this "Form over Function of a Tool" means in practice is... A lot of "guides" to writing Dave will go over the fact that he is the Ironic Cool Kid who has suffered a lot of Abuse at the hands of Bro Strider, and interject that headcanon of his character arc "being about overcoming Internalized Homophobia and/or Toxic Masculinity" (neither of these are true), but fail to mention that he is essentially a Tutorial Agent, and how his whole character hinges on how he absolutely does not want to be a Main Character. Everything he does is grounded in the fact that he's a Tutorial Agent, and therefore an NPC. He's a regular kid with a rough home life, and wants nothing more than to keep playing his role as just a random NPC. He doesn't want to be a Main Character. He doesn't want to fight, he doesn't want to be in an epic, he just wants to be Some Guy. He wants to be normal, and he wants to be able to be forgotten to the sands of time.

They focus so much on Who he is as a Person that they tend to fail to recognize What he is as a Character. It's not effective. You don't really need to worry about who they are as people. You don't need to focus on the paint job on a tool. You need to know what that tool is, and what it's being used for.

It's best to not consult guides written by other fans. It'd be best if you read through their dialogue yourself, and really dissected them and how they function... Find out what makes them tick.

Luckily, there's a blog out there that does have just about every line of dialogue in Homestuck sorted by character, so that's pretty good for ease of access. Good for you and good for me. I use it all of the time. Here you go.

[soracities]

could u maybe expand on the difference between reacting and responding

hi, and of course; at its core, reacting is an immediate response to something, whereas responding comes after taking the time to think something through and properly understand it (and how you actually feel about it).

when you're reacting to something as opposed to responding, the things you say or do--and crucially, the way you say or do them--are coming from an emotionally-charged place rather than a contemplative or intentional one; they are actions, decisions, presumptions and perceptions fuelled by a specific feeling arising in a particular moment, and these feelings could be anything: anger, irritation, guilt, indignation, embarrassment, sometimes even positive emotions like joy (when people say not to make big decisions either when you're utterly despondent or utterly elated, that's what they're talking about)

our feelings towards certain things are there for a reason, but that doesn't mean that they will always guide you in a positive direction--telling people their feelings are valid is an important part of acknowledging the effect something has had, but its also important to note that sometimes feeling a certain way about something or someone is not automatically a definitive Truth about that thing or that person (example: if i'm feeling exceptionally bad and am convinced i have nothing redeeming to offer those i love--perhaps that is a truth for me, in that moment, insofar as this is where my feelings are sitting right now; but i can also recognise that this is not a truth for them--i cannot see what they see, and i won't pretend that i can but i also accept that they do see it).

if you're in an emotionally-charged state (either because something genuinely hurt you, or something someone said annoyed you) there is very little room left, if any, in your mind to think your responses through rationally because whatever you're caught-up feeling is crowding out everything else and its very, very tempting to let yourself go along with that flow: the intensity of an emotion sometimes feels like its own justification, but that is a very dangerous trap to fall into. what will arise from this, more often than not, are knee-jerk responses or thoughtless (in both senses of the word) comments which can range from mildly embarrassing outbursts to something far more hurtful and damaging--to you and someone else.

obviously, this is not to dismiss incidents where something or someone hurts you, or to say that you have no right to feel those things, or other emotions for that matter (everyone gets ticked off by something), but when you're reacting you're basing the things you say and do and think off an emotional high that will pass, often within a few short minutes. and when it does pass and you think back on whatever caused you to feel the way you felt, it will either no longer be a big deal (because you have calmed down and your mind is no longer clouded by certain feelings) or if you're still bothered by whatever the incident was, you will now be in a much better place, emotionally, to examine what exactly it is you're feeling, and why you're feeling it and resolve it in a healthier way. if i see some particularly bad take online and it grates on me, my immediate response is not necessarily to interact with it; i either leave it or read through it a few times to be sure i know exactly what's being said. then i think it through in my own time if i feel the need to examine it further, but i'm very conscious of making sure my feelings, if they're suddenly loud for whatever reason, have calmed down significantly before i make any conclusions about what's being said.

i'm not saying everyone has to be perfect or that everyone is capable of responding 100% thoughtfully in any and every given situation in their lives and it's a failure of character if they don't, but in the context making of this post, and especially when it comes to being online in general where everything is designed to a) whittle down your attention span so that any sustained thought / engagement becomes an afterthought (if even that), and then b) gain traction and momentum by encouraging you to react emotionally instead of responding thoughtfully, i think it's vitally important to be extra conscious of the way you interact with content and other people instead of jumping the gun because it is so much easier to do that online; you fall more swiftly, here, into the trap of thinking that other people aren't people but abstract concepts you can ignore who won't be affected by your actions. not everything you see or come across requires you to have an input or to interact with it, and if you feel an overwhelming need to do so i think it's important to at the very least take a few minutes and check in with yourself to ensure whatever you feel the need to express is coming from a thoughtful place as opposed to a presumptuous, hurtful, and reactive one. does this make sense?

[dominijoyce]

Some Feelings About Disco Elysium

I wanna say, I've never really related to the need of wanting more represantation of your culture and/or community. I understoon the idea and why actual represantation beyond headcanon and fandom interpretation was something many people strive for and need more of. I just never personally could relate to that need - even if it revolved around cultures and communities I am a part of.

Yes, I was always happy when I saw a represantation of those like me, especially if said represantation is positive but I never felt that "I needed this".

Well at least not until playing and finishing Disco Elysium.

I do not want this to be some extremelly long personal post so I will not go in detail of the game itself but as someone who has suffered from psychosis for years now, I don't think I have ever felt so close to the protagonist of the game as I did with Harry.

While I also see Harry as plural, For the entire game I couldn't help but keep thinking how Skills [and items like Necktie] talking to Harry is quite literally how I experience everyday through my life with auditory hallucinations that incidentally do manifest as random inputs out of nowhere in my head that are impossible to locate the source from.

And the way Harry talks, the way he interracts with the world - even if you decide to only pick the most "sane" of the given dialogue options, you still may struggle heavily to be seen as "normal" by other characters in the game. That one is something heavily personal to me as well - when even at the times of me trying my best to mask, the symptoms and effects of my psychosis among other mental disorders still manage to come out and possibly freak others.

And just... In general showing Harry's struggle and him being intense and quite often not being sure what was the intention of his actions either, not knowing why he cannot put the phone down, not being able to stop what he's doing even when he knows he already failed [specifically talking of when you lose a Check but cannot back out even if technically nothing is stopping him from shutting up or not continuing to harm himself, etc.].

He is lost, yes he is a complete amnesiac so that's given but even in later stages of the game where he recovers some parts of himself and the world around him, he is still struggling and quite often openly talking of needing a break and just, stoping everything around him.

I could go on, yes but it would be repetetive of me and if you played the game you probably are able to yourself name multiple other characteristics of Harry not being "sane" no matter how hard he/player might try.

I'm listing all of those because as I mentioned, those are heavily personal and relatable things to me as well. Dare I say, except for amnesia, sometimes my daily life does just feel like playing Disco Elysium. [Although I do suffer from micro-amnesic episodes as well...]

And I didn't know I needed a protagonist like Harry Du Bois in my life, I didn't know I needed a game like Disco Elysium in my life that lets you put on the shoes of a canonically psychotic character and written in a purposefully ugly way. Not romanticising it but also being respectful and not treating Harry as a monster nor a person who will never be part of the society [the ending of the game hit way too close to my heart...]. The game doesn't beat around the bush or tries to minimize the horrors of his mind or characterize them in the way where it feels like the game's genre is meant to be fantasy instead.

The game and the writing of Disco Elysium is just... honest. Honest is a good word. It shows you both the ugliest and the prettiest and the most hurtful and the most hopeful of Harry's mind. And before playing Disco Elysium, I struggled heavily to sometimes explain the way my mind works, even to myself - to put pieces of it in place or category. But Disco Elysium made me able to and able to notice certain patterns or realize certain things of what is going on with me. I needed this game in my life, I needed this protagonist in my life and I didn't know I did until I finished it.

I suppose it is no surprise I will now consider Disco Elysium my favorite game and keep recommending it to people who can handle heavy subject the game tackles. It is also no surprise that I have already started my second playthrough of the game. The way mentality of Harry is written is just one of many other amazingly written aspects of the game. The game's story made me emotional, the game's characters made me emotional, the setting made me emotional and there is still so much content I haven't managed to explore on my first playthrough. Not to mention I cried twice or thrice during it. It is a masterpiece, I believe.

Thank you, Robert Kurvitz. Thank you, Aleksander Rostov. Thank you Helen Hindpere. Thank you for creating and writing an experience so close to mine I didn't know I needed to see represented.

[blackmambaboobs]

(platonic please!) Mercs with a friend who has trauma and doesnt like to be touched or yelled at? (Delete this if you want)

I have trauma and will only let certain people touch me (and even won't let those said people do that sometimes 'cause of sensory issues), so I got you!

TF2 Mercs X Gender Neutral Traumatized Reader (Platonic) Headcanons: Scout: -He finds out how touch and yelling effects you when he went to compliment you on your skills in battle while patting your back and you just look so scared and uncomfortable?? -Once you explain to him why you reacted that way, he understands and tries to remember to be careful with you. -He often wonders why you are a merc' but he knows everyone's got their reasons. Spy: -He knew about your issues from doing research on you before, so he's aware of how you react to stuff like that. -While he may be an Asshole sometimes, he's not a complete Cunt and even helps you when someone yells or something. -He reminds the other mercs to be easy on you and to not touch you so they're aware. Soldier: -He yells at you to greet you and to pat you or something and is extremely confused when you have a breakdown because of it. -After Medic helps you and explains to him why he shouldn't do that, he tries his hardest to be a bit calmer after that. -You can still hear him yell at the others mercs, but if he sees you, he instantly calms down and gives you personal space. Sniper: -He wasn't aware of your issues until he overheard the other mercs talking about it and quickly makes a note to be calm around you. -He doesn't talk loud or touch people (unless it's to hurt them), so he knows he won't have a problem remembering. -He'll often wonder what happened that caused you to be so frightened by those actions though. Medic: -He was already aware of your trauma since he did a check on your mental health and such. -He doesn't touch you and tries to speak in a soft tone as to not scare you especially when he has to do a check up on you or something. -He scolds anyone that doesn't listen to his orders when it comes to you. Heavy: -He's not a loud person unless he's in battle and doesn't touch people often. -He finds out how touch and yelling effects you when he thanks you for helping him by putting his large hand on your shoulder. -Once Medic explains, he apologizes and promises to not scare you again. Engineer: -He overheard the other mercs talking about how you react to ceratin things they do at dinner and like Sniper, keeps note just in case. -Whenever someone touches you or yells at you, he explains and even scolds them for not being considerate. -He lets you vent to him and reminds you you're okay. -He basically acts like a fatherly figure towards you sometimes. Demoman: -Because of his drunken state, he's not aware that he's yelling or touching anyone until after when he's sober. -He apologizes to you after he finds out that he scared you because of the fact he was drunk and yelling. -Tries to make sure that if he is drunk that he's not around you 'cause he can't promise that he won't yell or touch you. Pyro: -They're a very touchy and semi-loud person, so they don't really think about the fact that it may make people uncomfortable. -Once you explain that you don't like touch and yelling because of trauma, they 100% respect that and even try to remind the other mercs to do the same! -Will burn anyone that doesn't respect you and your trauma-

[grewlikefancyflowers]

Hi,

Its me again.

I dont know if you have talked about this. But can you please explain the relation between the lan parents, the phoenix mountain kiss and LWJ telling LXC about "he wants to take a person to gusu". I have seen a lot of metas in fandom putting emphasis of LWJs loss of control on QHJ and about how he is not trying to become his father. The novel doesnt give us any evidence if QHJ forced madam lan in doing things nor do i think LWJ is someone who would have judged his father or mother's relationship with the limited information, so him thinking/fearing that he is "following his fathers footsteps" feels ooc to me.

Hello,

I'd say I both agree and disagree with what you say, in the sense that it is my opinion that LWJ was fearful of going down his father's path, but I do also think that fandom often portrays this in a way that seems OOC to me.

I think a problem that often comes up is that people in fandom like to fill in the gaps of the Lan parents' backstory, and have LWJ consider this version of the story they've invented to be the truth. Whereas in the novel I'd say it's important that LWJ knows nothing other than the bare minimum facts, as this is what fuels his conflict and uncertainty about it, and his conflict and uncertainty about his relationship with WWX too (in his first life).

This is all we're told about the Lan parents (sorry for the super long excerpt).

'Lan XiChen continued, “However, the woman did not care for him as much. In addition, she killed one of my father’s teachers. [...] “Why?!”

Lan XiChen, “I do not know. But, I assume that it was something along the lines of ‘grievances’.” [...] “And then,” Lan XiChen explained, “When my father heard of this, of course he was in much pain. But, no matter how he struggled, he still took the woman to his sect in secrecy. Ignoring the objections from his clan, he knelt with her for the Heavens and the Earth without making a sound and told everyone in the clan that she would be his wife for the rest of his life, that whoever wanted to harm her would have to pass through him first.” [...] “After the ceremony was completed, my father found a house and locked my mother inside. He found another house and locked himself inside. It was called secluded meditation, but it was in truth to repent.”

He paused before speaking again, “Young Master Wei, can you understand why he did such a thing?”

Wei WuXian answered after a moment of silence, “He could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

Lan XiChen, “Do you think that this was right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

Lan XiChen looked somewhat lost, “Then, what do you think would be right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

The recurring theme throughout this whole scene is that both LXC and WWX don't know, they don't know the full facts of what happened, why Lan-furen killed that teacher, they don't know if it was right, they don't know what they would do in this situation, or what a solution would be. And we don't know if Lan-furen willingly went along with the plan so her life would be spared, or if she was forced. Even QHJ doesn't feel his actions were right, because he also locked himself up to repent.

The conflicts at the heart of wangxian's relationship in WWX's first life bares a lot of resemblance to LWJ's parents — LWJ has feelings for WWX, they appear to be unrequited. LWJ thinks WWX is at risk of harm, so LWJ wants to hide him away and keep him safe. But the only way to do so would be to keep him effectively imprisoned, because WWX would never stay voluntarily.

There is plenty of textual evidence that LWJ is fearful (sometimes to an extreme degree) of violating WWX's consent, but I think the primary cause of this fear is actually because of what happened on Phoenix Mountain, not because of his father. (Maaaaybe some of LWJ's conflict is also fuelled by his kinks, but most of the textual evidence comes after the Phoenix Mountain kiss, so I think that's the main factor. Also I just can't stand the LWJ angsting about his kinks trope lol)

Prior to that kiss, there are times when LWJ is actually very inconsiderate of WWX's autonomy, prime example being their confrontation post-burial mound when he simply decides WWX should come to Gusu with him, and grabs at him and fights him without even giving an explanation. When he does give one, its phrased as a command, not a suggestion. In my opinion, it's in this scene that LWJ makes the connection between his father's situation and his own, when WWX makes the assumption that LWJ intends to punish him with seclusion. From the moment WWX said that, LWJ doesn't speak & seems unable to defend his actions, then he leaves. I think it's also relevant that the Wen clan had attacked the Cloud Recesses, supposedly due to QHJ having committed some wrongdoing. Obviously this is just an excuse the Wen clan fabricated, as per their usual modus operandi, but considering this & QHJ's recent death, it's likely that his father, and thoughts of his moral failings, were weighing on LWJ's mind quite heavily at this point in the novel.

I spoke in depth about how the events on phoenix mountain prompted the 'but he is not willing' conversation with LXC in this post so I won't go into again here. In summary, it's because LWJ is confronted with his own fallibility, so he doubts himself and his intentions towards WWX.

While I don't think LWJ after the Phoenix Mountain kiss is thinking anything like 'oh no, I've violated the consent of the person I love, just like my father, an evil man!' as you sometimes see in fandom portrayals, I do think he cannot help but wonder. And because his situation and his father's situation have these similarities, I think he cannot help but compare himself to his father. Especially because he made WWX think he wants to imprison him. But rather than making assumptions about things he doesn't know, the uncertainty is what causes LWJ's internal conflict. For someone like LWJ, who generally places a lot of value of rules, precedent and tradition, the lack of clear answers about what he is supposed to do in this situation is a turmoil that he, at this point is his life, isn't well-equipped to handle.

LWJ's solution is to maintain the distance between him & WWX, to not push into in his affairs, even to take an injured WWX back to the burial mound just because he insisted, in his anguish, that LWJ get lost. But then, WWX dies thinking there is no one left in the world who cares for him.

[autumntouched]

Day 9 of Ode to Phoenix:

Today's ode is an essay, an ode to Monica and Phoenix. I can't stop thinking about what @coraphoenix shared about what Monica said of characters like Phoenix in an interview: She loves characters who are tough and strong but who also have a softer side that is revealed through love.

I've seen variations of these thoughts throughout the TGM Phoenix-verse so I hope I'm not stealing anything and only building on what others have shared about why Natasha "Phoenix" Trace is such an awesome character.

For some reason, Hollywood seems to struggle, for the most part, with representing strong and tough women. Often, they come embittered, sexless or hypersexualized, traumatized, or in need of a man to soften them. Their interactions with men can be frankly grating, a constant one two punch of watch them all underestimate me so I can kick their ass. It's kind of exhausting.

Then there's the flip side. Women who wilt in the face of adversity, who need someone to come along and give them confidence. Or every step is a fight for them to prove themselves.

From the moment, Monica swaggers onto screen as Phoenix there is a refreshing dimension to her character. She enters already a leader, assertive, and extremely confident. Her validation comes through the respect and trust of those who work with her and her power comes from earning rather than demanding it. Not a single one of the guys ever doubts or questions her ability, and more often than not, they look to her to make critical calls. Her role is not to actualize herself but the team.

I've mentioned this before, but Phoenix's leadership is based on team-building, trust-building, and listening--all things that the male protagonists need to learn from her. She is the first to understand that the mission can only be completed as a team so it doesn't matter who is better than everyone else but how you work with them. Phoenix is also the most empathetic but least emotional member of the team (besides maybe Bob!) Her decisions are strategic and logical. For example, rather than berate Hangman (aside from "son of a bitch") for ditching her during their hop, she waits until he needs her help then reminds him that on a mission his actions would have gotten her and Bob killed. He'd be on his own. It's a much more effective lesson.

I love that in the film, Phoenix does not have to be a perfect pilot to be chosen for the mission or to be considered exceptional. Like everyone else, she makes mistakes and struggles to meet the demands of the course. Not only that, but she is the only one to own her mistakes. It's such a subtle moment, but it's one in which she earns Coyote's respect for not calling him out (when she was well within her right to do so) and shows that she doesn't have to hide her vulnerabilities to succeed up against her male peers.

But I think one of the most important aspects of Phoenix's character is that she neither is nor has a love interest. @reiverreturns does a phenomenal job breaking down why Phoenix isn't a wayfinder for the male characters so I won't rehash. The love that shows her softer side is her love for her friends, her team, and her work. One of the reasons I sometimes prefer children's content to adult content is that "love" is often narrowly defined as romance for adults. Sure, friendships and careers exist, but these are often framed as inhabiting a different sphere, an obstacle or vehicle to love rather than an expression of "love" in and of itself. So often, single women are portrayed as unhappy, unfulfilled, or undesirable in their present state. Their career is a compensation for what they lack rather than an embodiment of what they want. Maybe Phoenix does have an SO waiting for her at home. But it's equally possible to believe that she doesn't, nor does she need to end up with any of the other characters to complete her journey.

And this portrayal is something that I think is so critical to creating spaces in which men and women work together with respect. Our society has perpetuated an assumption that men and women can't have platonic, supportive relationships so it's refreshing to watch something that models what these can be. Respect doesn't preclude teasing, competition, or even flirtatious (?) banter. But the guys can watch Phoenix and Hangman verbally duke it out in their relationship without assuming that's how she would want to be treated by them. As normal as it is in life, it still feels rare for films to portray such a nuanced range of the platonic friendships men and women can have from Maverick's mentorship to her (implied) long friendship with Rooster to her competitive one with Hangman to her work wife one with Bob. Maybe this is why women in media who move through male dominated spaces can be portrayed as "masculine." Sure, Glen might not have seen Monica in a dress until the press tour, but there is something incredibly "feminine" about Phoenix even as she asserts herself in ways that her male peers respond to or reflect more "masculine" posturing.

Phoenix might not have much of an arc in the film, but she serves the crucial role as the leader of the new generation of pilots.

A lot of people consider Rooster and Hangman the Maverick and Iceman of TGM, but I would argue that the dynamic is more complex than that. Phoenix and Hangman are actually the Iceman and Maverick of the film. Phoenix has Iceman's popularity, his cool head, and disdain for showboating in the air. Like Iceman, she's the one the other pilots defer to and who constantly warns Hangman about being reckless and self-focused. Still, she has an appreciation for what he brings to the team in terms of his willingness to push the boundaries of the rules and flying. Like Iceman, Phoenix is the one entrusted with the final mission and like Maverick, Hangman is the wild card whose arc brings him in line with the team, who shows up as the wingman when it's most needed. Rooster has neither Maverick's confidence (but plenty of his arrogance) nor Iceman's cool head. He might warn Hangman about the dangers of the way he flies, but Rooster can be just as self-driven and reckless. Phoenix is constantly knocking one or the other upside the head for the stunts they pull. Rooster is, instead, neither Iceman nor Maverick but Goose. From the very obvious nod of taking the RIO seat in the F-14 to his dad's lines like "Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit," Rooster's arc is restoring the forgiveness and trust broken by Goose's death.

Okay, getting back on track to Phoenix. It is refreshing to see a woman portrayed as a dynamic, confident leader who is self-actualized through her own actions. Rather than emulating what has typically distinguished men as leaders, she is allowed to lead quietly and in a way that is inherent and natural to her strengths as a person. Those traits are portrayed as valued and critical to the plot and character arcs of the film. And finally, she is implied as single without every male character (or really any) hitting on her or needing to acknowledge or explain her relationship status in any way. Her career is her primary focus without that being portrayed as a conflict or detriment. And her confidence and drive to be selected for the mission come from within rather than through an external motivating factor. She is a tough and strong woman softened through her love for what she has dedicated her life to and the people she's serving with.

Thank you, Monica!!

Tag list: @melodiousoblivionao3

Ode to Phoenix Masterlist

Why Phoenix Isn't a Wayfinder by @reiverreturns - Please read this awesome essay!!

[wyldblunt]

14, 16, and 19 from that multi commander ask please☆

let's goooo

14. How close are they? What do they think of each other?

sooooo close. extremely close. worryingly close, sometimes? they were lovers for a while (from like, early personal story through mid-HoT), but honestly they're even closer AFTER that blows up than they ever were during. (also glyndwr is still persistently in love with alan forever. just fyi.)

they butt heads a LOT, though -- maybe that's even part of WHY they're as close as they are, bc it's kind of a "if we hadn't been through so much together for so long i would never put up with you" kind of thing a lot of the time. they respect each other immensely and also often find each other Literally The Most Annoying Person Alive. glyndwr finds alan's near-constant calm and positivity irritating and off-putting; alan can't stand how prickly and inconsiderate glyn is and finds it really juvenile. glyn finds alan overbearing and fussy; alan is trying to get glyn to realize that he wouldn't HAVE to be if glyn would just fucking learn how to behave himself. for five seconds. but they find common ground in their shared tenacity and committment to the causes they fight for, and they've also found, over time, ample explanations for all the habits and behaviors they dislike in each other.

and he would never acknowledge it, but glyndwr -- like a lot of people, frankly -- puts alan on a pedestal. he doesn't actually want to be like him, and i wouldn't even specifically say the emotion here is admiration (he does admire alan, but as a separate thing) -- but he feels very much like alan is a kind of person he could never be. like everything he does is just kind of a shittier version of what alan does. it's a feeling that weighs down a lot of his interactions with alan that he is not particularly interested in examining too closely, thank you.

also as of early lws4, alan's crush is starting to tentatively kick back in. (he was Super Fucking Over It for a long time, we are never ever ever getting back together taylor swift dot mp3, but... things have simmered down between alan and canach enough that the two of them can at least exist in the same room without attacking each other, they've both had time to heal, and also they uh. died together, which has a tendency to stir feelings up.) Mess Incoming

16. How effective are they as a team?

on the battlefield, absolutely deadly. unthinkable carnage. terrifying to behold, perfectly in sync, the whole nine yards, you know what i'm talking about.

for anything else? uh. it's not great. when it comes to actually having to decide their next course of action, formulate plans, etc, they are FREQUENTLY at odds, and more than once entire campaigns have ground to a halt as the two of them tear into each other in the war room over strategic and ideological differences. (alan's specific role in the vigil was always as a tactician, and of course they're the same rank, so glyn cannot whip out his normal "[RON SWANSON VOICE] I KNOW MORE THAN YOU" card to try to bully his way to victory in every argument.) this has been improving a little tiny bit in recent years, because glyndwr has been improving a little tiny bit about not creating plans that involve throwing civilians into a woodchipper

19. If they weren't the commanders, would they still be friends?

HMMMMM. kkkkind of? in one way, yes, they would have still BECOME friends, bc they were actually penpals before they met for pact stuff (more on that in another answer :3c), but... without everything they go through together as co-commanders, their relationship never would have ended up as deep or resilient as it is now. so they probably still would have BECOME friends, but they wouldn't have STAYED friends.

[yourbookcouldbegayer]

I'm writing one of my first wlw smut and getting entangled with all of the 'she' and 'hers', especially with all the body parts moving around. Who's doing what to who, exactly??

Example: A touched B's hair. She purred as she worked through a particularly gnarly knot in her hair. Her face scrunched as she focused on her work.

And if I change to names it feels stilted.

Example: A touched B's hair. B purred as A worked through a particularly gnarly knot in B's hair. A's face scrunched as A focused on A's work.

And epithets... "the blonde", "the tall one"... Feels worse. (We don't talk about epithets?)

Do you have any advice on how to layer two characters with the same pronouns together when both are taking action in a scene? (Smutty action is still action 😉) or anywhere you've seen this handled exceptionally well?

Apologies if this has been answered - I tried to search first but came up empty. 🙏

TIA!

Hi, anon!

I wanted to answer this because I come across this issue A Lot, and honestly, it's just a balancing game of dialogue and hopping the names in and out with the pronouns. And yeah—unless you have a REALLY good reason to do it, try and avoid epithets. Although a "the other girl" sprinkled in once or twice a chapter doesn't hurt.

First of all, the names thing—it's not quite as stilted as you might think, so long as you've still got pronouns in between. Let's take a look at your example (I've given them names to make it easier):

Ali touched Bea's hair. Bea purred as Ali worked through a particularly gnarly knot in Bea's hair. Ali's face scrunched in concentration as Ali focused on Ali's work.

The first and foremost rule I can give you is this:

The pronouns correspond to the object of the sentence.

So let's take that second sentence and remove a name, stick in a pronoun:

Bea purred as Ali worked through a particularly gnarly knot in her hair.

So this can be confusing. Are we talking about Bea or Ali's hair? Granted, thanks to context from the first sentence we know it's Bea's hair, but it still feels a little off. We can use our second rule to fix this, though:

Focus verbs, adjectives, and actions toward the object of the sentence.

(Also a little sub-rule: The one that said the dialogue is almost always the object of the sentence.)

We can put that into effect by humanizing Bea to the reader, focusing their attentions on the person whose pronouns you're using. Let's stick a few words in for an example:

Bea purred, pleased, as Ali worked through a particularly stubborn knot in her hair.

If you help the sentence flow conversationally in the reader's mind, two important things are going to happen:

They're not going to get stuck on the pronouns, and

They're not going to notice how often you use the names.

It's like "said." You can only use so many synonyms for it before your work starts to feel like you're writing a thesaurus, not a story. And sometimes it's just embarrassing (see: '"Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn.' Yes, that's a real quote.)

But now we've run into a problem: in our next sentence, Ali is the active object, not Bea. If we use "she" to start it off, it's gonna sound like we're talking about Bea, not Ali, and then it's just gonna get confusing. So here's my third and final rule:

Don't always start with people.

What does that mean? Well, in every sentence in this example, we've started the sentence with a name or pronoun. But what happens if we switch it around, start our sentences with an adverb, adjective, or a noun? We could even embed dialogue (but remember to always start a new paragraph for dialogue said by a different person).

I'll use the third example sentence to show what I mean:

Intently focused on her work, Ali's face scrunched in concentration.

You could also try:

Face scrunched in concentration, Ali applied an intense focus to her work.

(Of course, that one sounds like you're leading into a commentary about Ali's focus.) Remember: as much as I've been saying "object of the sentence," they're not objects, they're people! If your reader is relating to them, if they're engaging in a back-and-forth with another character, if they're observing the world around them—the frequency of names vs. pronouns isn't going to matter as much as the story itself.

Prioritize the characters and the narration (from whoever's perspective you're writing it from). That delicate balance between names and pronouns will come a lot easier if you're writing about people, not whatever (or whomever) they're doing.

Because I'm extra, here's an example I've expounded upon for funsies. There's also a bit of sexual subtext to it, because, well, you asked about smut, didn't you?

Ali was staring at her.

Right. That was fine. Bea met her gaze for a few seconds, before lifting a brow questioningly. "Ah—"

"Can I touch your hair?" Ali blurted, then blushed, giving her a sheepish grin. Privately, Bea thought that was the cutest shit she'd ever seen.

"Sure. If you give me a style as pretty as yours." Bea winked, then grinned as the blush on Ali's cheeks only increased in intensity.

Not trusting herself to speak without stammering, Ali gestured to the chair in front of her, settling it so that its back was to her chest. She pulled another chair over and set it facing towards her, straddling the seat and leaning against its back. Bea raised a single brow, but acquiesced, sitting normally on the other chair to give Ali access to her hair.

Tentatively at first, then more confidently when Bea voiced no complaint, Ali began coaxing apart the knots in the curls before her. As she worked through a particularly stubborn tangle, she heard an unusual sound—Bea was purring, she realized, lips parting in shock. That was...

Well, it was kind of hot, actually, wasn't it?

They settled into a relaxed rhythm, Bea's purrs a gentle staccato against Ali's fingers, her own face scrunched in concentration as she focused on her work. She began to hum softly, just to give her voice something to do. In response, Bea slumped further in her chair, the volume of her purrs increasing. Just to see what would happen, Ali paused, smirking when she received a quiet grumble of displeasure.

I'm cutting it there because otherwise I'm just going to write a full-on scene about emotional development and vulnerability for guarded, snarky Bea and patient, blushing Ali. (Can you tell that I project onto my OCs?) If you reread it, you'll note a few times where the point of view changes, as well as the object of the she/her pronouns.

Both the reader and (more importantly!) you as the writer will feel more comfortable with the flow of your writing if you're connecting with the characters. Humanize them. Describe them. Help them feel, grow, and learn, and they'll do the same for you.

— Mod Ziva

(PS: As an afterthought, my AO3—upon which there is one (1) explicit work with two lovers of the same gender (sukka)—is Zivqa, if you're interested. It isn't my best work, but in my defense I wrote it four years ago at three in the morning. Anyway, the pronouns are easy enough to understand inamongst all the, ah, action.)

[waiting-on-a-dream]

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟎𝟗: 𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐲𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢

"Jailcells are a familiar sight. Being in one, not so much."

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨

Name: Miyahara Kiyoshi / 宮原 淳 (The kanjis in his last name mean "constellations" and "meadow", while his first name means "pure".)

Status: Prisoner 009

Gender: Male

Age: 42

Birthday: October 19 (Libra)

Height: 185 cm

Blood type: O

Image color: #899499

Occupation: Policeman

Personality: Kiyoshi is friendly and level-headed, always willing to extend a helping hand to anyone in need. Anyone he's close to, whether it be his parents, friends, or coworkers will shower him with praises if ever asked about him. He's such a good man.

He is also pragmatic and responsible, being a captain of the police force and all. Surprisingly, he has a set of ideals that he would love to talk about if anyone cared to ask him about it. He doesn't bring it up often because he thinks his morals are a tad childish.

He gets uncomfortable whenever he is asked about his crime. He claims it was self-defense. The prisoner lounged at him and he was forced to take action. Only Haruto can be the judge of that.

𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨

Which canon Milgram song he would cover: Bring it on (You already knew, the whole time; You can’t escape; How do you like the taste of punishment?)

Which DECO*27 song he would cover: Ghost rule

If he could cover a song by a different Vocaloid producer, which one would it be: Bitter choco decoration by Syudou (Ironically, I didn't know what to do with his personality until I matched him up with this song and Ghost rule.)

His MV description: The colour grey would appear a lot in his MV, taking up most of the frame. Characters are be highlighted with blue, yellow or red. Glitchy effects appear sometimes too.

The MV starts with Kiyoshi running through the streets of a city. He's dressed in his uniform and highlighted a bold navy blue, bumping into a few people in his way as he chases down another man (highlighted yellow). He catches up to the guy eventually, pinning the guy down onto the ground and handcuffing him.

The camera cuts to him and the guy in what looks like an interrogation room. They're sitting on opposite ends of a table, facing each other. A shot of the yellow guy smiling serenely. A shot of Kiyoshi with a grim line set onto his face.

Kiyoshi asks a question, waving his hand in a gentle arc. The guy shrugs carelessly, rolling his eyes to the ceiling like he's bored. Kiyoshi frowns, getting impatient.

The lights flicker.

The guy tilts his head, a wide grin spreading across his face. The camera zooms in on his deranged expression, glitchy effects distorting his smile slightly. The camera then cuts to Kiyoshi leaning back in his chair, swallowing nervously.

The guy lounges forward, his yellow palette flashing red for a split second. Kiyoshi reacts quickly, grabbing the guy by his collar before he can be pushed to the ground. The shot slows for a moment.

The camera cuts to Kiyoshi sitting on his chair in the dull grey interrogation room again. The yellow guy is nowhere to be seen. The camera slowly pans out. The frame glitches, switching between the interrogation room and a jail cell in which Kiyoshi possesses a yellow gradient to his blue. The MV ends abruptly.

𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

-- 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

(Laid back) I'm Miyahara Kiyoshi, 42 years old. I'm a captain in the police force. So you're going to be doing detective work. If you've having trouble, I'm happy to help. But what's this about verdicts?

(Disbelief) *t a** ha**e*ed s* f**t.

-- 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐫

I just want to know...what happened. Now tell me the truth.

𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚

His favourite colour is navy blue.

His favourite food is salmon roll.

He used to play soccer with his friends every Saturday during his high school years. He still has his old cleats.

He likes mystery books and movies. Especially the whodunnit ones where he'll try and guess the culprit.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬

I cannot draw. So picrew saves the day once again!

My oldest milgram prisoner, woo! Old man.

[lazyyogi]

Blame the Victim

Recently I was conversing with my tantric teacher, Kim Rinpoche, regarding a video he shared of Garchen Rinpoche. In the video, Garchen Rinpoche explains how to stay safe and healthy during the pandemic through certain spiritual practices. He goes on to explain that if you get the virus, it is due to unpurified karmas. And if you die from the virus, it is also due to impure karmas.

I then asked how this was different from victim-blaming.

Kim Rinpoche's response: "Doesn't all of buddhism blame one's suffering and misfortunes in life on one's own actions?"

The moment I read his response, I laughed. It was true.

Set aside the context of the pandemic and contemplate this teaching.

Buddha's Four Noble Truths:

(1) suffering is inseparable from the cycles of life; (2) the fundamental cause of suffering is due to ignorance (non-enlightenment), which takes many forms such as separateness; (3) suffering can be ended by means of enlightenment; (4) there is a path that can be reliably practiced, which results in enlightenment.

Put another way, if you are suffering then it is because of your own ignorance.

Does this sound harsh to you? It does to me.

But if you can tolerate the harshness, what you will find is that it is also empowering. If your suffering is solely your own responsibility then no one can stop you from liberating yourself from it. No one can stop you from becoming a buddha.

A brief aside about Karma

Buddhism is very pragmatic and often parallels scientific perspectives. Karmas can sometimes be described as causes. Everything happens due to innumerable causes (think the butterfly effect), however some of those causes have more obvious direct effect in producing certain outcomes. If I get shot tomorrow, perhaps a butterfly in Australia was a contributing cause. But the seemingly more direct cause is the asshole with a gun.

While a karma can be an outward action that creates a result, a karma can also be a fixed pattern of thinking, perceiving, believing, or feeling. Such karmas will influence the decisions and actions we take in the external world. And sometimes those inner karmas are attributed as causes of physical diseases.

Putting It All Together

When I read my teacher's response, a Lojong slogan immediately popped into my head. Lojong is a Buddhist mind-training practice intended to cultivate wisdom-compassion in even the most thick-headed of humans.

This particular slogan goes as follows: "Drive all blames into one."

Who or what is that "one" to which is being referred? Me. Or you. Ourself.

In other words, do not blame others. Do not blame circumstances. Do not blame luck. Blame yourself. Drive all blame into yourself so that you are in the position of power to change everything.

Now you may be tempted to take these teachings and apply them to injustices and suffering you see in the world around you. You may ask, for example, "How are these starving children to blame for their own starvation?"

The answer is that they aren't to blame. You are.

Please remember that these teachings should be applied only to one person: you. This is for examining your own experience of life, your own experiences of suffering, and taking responsibility for your own liberation. Nothing more and nothing less.

Like any spiritual teaching, it does not matter if you believe or disbelieve in it. The only thing that matters is if you find how to apply and make use of it for your own enlightenment.

May all beings be free.

LY

[youngjusticeslut]

WillJade! (for the ship meme. Unless someone else already sent you them. Then… Snaibsel?)

Oh bestie you always make sure I get my WillJade fix in 😁

who is more likely to get injured doing small tasks

Probably Will. He's used to getting scrapes and bruises and then patching himself up. Jade is a little too refined in her skills 💅

who worries more about the other

You'd never know it, but it's Jade. Especially during the five year gap and the early period where she was helping him raise Lian. She doesn't show it externally, except if you know where to look. You can see it in the way she always makes sure he eats so he puts weight back on. Or the way she snaps at him, ever so quietly, when she teaches him how to hold Lian and support her head. He's so frequently on her mind and she very much wants him to be well.

who is more afraid about the other leaving them

Will. Because she is always leaving him. Jade would push him away before he'd even get the chance to start thinking about it.

who is more likely to leave (for any reason)

Jade. Self explanatory.

who is more likely to drunkenly confess

Jade. She's adept at poisons and builds her tolerance so drugs and alcohol don't usually take an effect on her. ...But sometimes when she's testing out a new poison she gets just a little bit inebriated.

who is more likely to push the other away (for any reason)

Jade. Again, self explanatory.

who picks fights more often

Will. He has a temper, that he's working on. He's the type A to Jade's type B. Sometimes he gets too frustrated with her and picks a fight. Depending on her mood, she'll either tease it out or fight back.

who usually apologizes first

Also Will. Neither of them particularly like to verbally apologize, they're more of a 'actions speak louder than words' kind of people. But he's trying to be a better person and set an example for Lian, so he'll be the one trying to apologize.

who is more likely to withhold their feelings for the other

Both. Again, not very sentimental/touchy-feely kind of people. That said, they're both absolute dorks and go to extreme lengths to hide it. If you didn't know them, you'd think they hated each other. But Artemis can barely stand to be in the same room with both of them. Will often finds himself just staring at Jade, but is quick to look away whenever she lifts her eyes. Jade has this special smile reserved just for him and Lian, but whenever she catches herself doing it she's quick to put her mask back on in front of others. To Artemis, it's absolutely nauseating.

who is more likely to lash out at the other

Will. He's a tad more passionate in expressing negative emotions, and Jade often frustrates him to no end. Jade isn't emotionless, but she's far too good at hiding behind her Cheshire persona and has years of training on how not to react.

who gets more jealous

Neither are particularly the jealous type. Though, Will is a little overprotective sometimes. He'll see what his wife plans on wearing to go grocery shopping and catches guys staring at her and has to fight the urge to make her take his jacket, because that'll open up a whole other discussion and usually ends up with senbon needles places against his throat.

who is more likely to support the other in a relationship with someone else “as long as they’re happy”:

Jade. She just wants Will and Lian to both be happy, even if she's not in the picture.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Venting a lil, no TWs

Smth I've found to be extremely frustrating lately is that like.

My brother has ADHD. This isn't necessarily the frustrating part. He absolutely, definitely has ADHD, he hasn't been diagnosed yet but it's real bad. The thing is, he makes that ADHD label do a LOT of heavy lifting. I understand that ADHD has a lot of side effects and stuff, I have it myself. But like. Not everything is bc of ADHD, and not everything ADHD causes is just an unfixable part of life. That's the frustrating part. Can't make appointments, ADHD! Can't be more mindful of when I talk, ADHD! Can't listen to you, ADHD!

And I understand it's hard. And like. I don't expect him to be perfect or anything. I also know that the circumstances of my like. Upbringing sort of forced me to adapt in a way that made me overall more functional. I had to get things done or they wouldn't be done. And often those things were important.

But like. Now he's an adult. There are things that are important that he needs to do that he either can't or won't do. And/or won't work on bc he just blames his ADHD. And oftentimes I don't think it's things attributable to his ADHD at all. I think some of them are just his character, or his behavior, or a result of a relatively permissable parenting style combined with an incredibly suburban childhood environment combined with, if I'm being honest, way too much investment in TikTok and pop psychology that attributes everything from liking certain TV shows to regular mood shifts to plain social inadequacy to immutable ADHD.

And it's annoying sometimes. Like when I talk to him and he absolutely does not at all pay attention or listen of acknowledge me until I say his name. Like in some circumstances it's understandable but he does need to learn to like. Have some sort of awareness of the world around him I guess, notice when people are talking to him. Or like when other people are talking/when he shouldn't talk. And I don't want to like. Overparent him. He's an adult and is fully capable of making his own decisions about his own behavior. I'm just not sure how much, IDK, guidance is healthy. I feel he needs at least some.

And like... IDK. I know I have that whole "believes the world to be more dangerous than it is" situation. But also I worry. I worry he's going to get himself into some sort of trouble bc he's incapable of some basic stuff and is socially? Not always the best. But often it's like. IDK I cringe at the way he navigates the world and the confidence with which he does. He acts as if there are no consequences to any of his actions. He can be rude or even mean and doesn't expect anything bad to happen, not even the person disliking him. He enters into relationships both platonic and romantic with ease even when I see a million red flags. On one hand I wish I could live like that. On the other I think it would be terrifying and dangerous.

But the other consequence is that it feels? Sort of invalidating to my own experience with ADHD, in a way. I don't have ADHD like he does. I don't feel the same way about my ADHD as he does. When he describes things as just unchangeable ADHD symptoms that I do not experience at all, or that I am able to overcome, it feels almost like saying his ADHD is somehow more valid or more real than mine is. Because I have been able to overcome some troubling aspects and he has not tried, his ADHD is just inherently more. It almost feels like he's saying that we have two completely different conditions, his incurable and mine not, or like I just Am this way instead of having worked to get this way. Which I know is a theme, me feeling like people don't see the work I put in.

Anyway. This parallels a lot of the ways people talk about DID, I think. I have a lot of experiences with mental illness where it can feel like I'm the only person struggling or working in this way. I'm the only person in the world who doesn't like their DID, or the only person who has ADHD that just isn't as bad (because I made it not as bad.) I do feel some part of it is because of overeagerness on some people's part to claim a label, so these labels are flooded with people for whom the label isn't necessarily true. It's just hard. I don't want to invalidate anyone, but I do. And I can't even claim it's not for selfish motivations, it is. The motivation being that I want to be able to find a place where I belong.

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.