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#and of it is a deepseated issue and ill die from it..idk. i dont want 2 get it checked out bc then ill habe to.pay.to.get it fixed
nomairuins
·
2 months
Text
ok sry last one. sry
#its like i know im unwell but when i go to talk to ppl abt it i just cant
#it never phrases right i never actually am able to articulate how I feel because i dont really know i guess. and it feels like the words i
#use r judt sort of. borrowed? i dont say things how i feel bc i dont know how i feel i say like. i say things how i think a person would say
#them. and sometimes its nott acurate but i dont have anything in my toolbox thats closer
#does that make sense. snd i also like. ontop of base communication issue
#i dont like being honest. thats not rly it. i want to be homest bc i want help
#but when i talk to a therapist im bad at telling the full like. how do explain
#im bad at being like..how i actually am bc i edit mysel
#and sometimes i edit tooheabily an i leave out entire bits of like. tje context i guess
#which is bad im supposed to give full context but it makes me feel ill to not tell ppl what they want to hear
#and obviously a therapist doesnt Want to hear anything theyre judtdoing their job
#but i cant r fullt honest snd the idsue is ill focus too much on one aspect eith the therapist
#snd then they think thats the only thing and then i bring in a nother thing and they like. ots too much theres not enough time to talk abt
#everything bc i ramble
#i dont know. i eish i knew how to properly seek help
#i need to get a pcp too. i need it for the blood marrow thing they said i need apcp bc of the fainting thing
#its judt bsd luck. i just happene to hsve a fainting spell a couple days b4 the call
#it doesnt rly mstter. i dont faint often its like every 2 months maybr. and its always my fault
#i dont know what it was last time i think i was just overstimulated and maybe hungry
#and that time at work was um. hunger anyways
#and most times b4 that it was hot showers or baths or blood or whatever. it doesnt matter
#and of it is a deepseated issue and ill die from it..idk. i dont want 2 get it checked out bc then ill habe to.pay.to.get it fixed
#and i dont hsve a job which means my family will have to apy to get it fied and who cares
#its probably just a blood pressure things and the doctors would just. idk. not getting into it
#i just dont think it matters i guess. if i die i die and then its not my fault yk NFNFJG
#and i wont die its judt lightheadedness and somrtimes fainting. and i can get on the ground usually
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