#and obviously there was all the other shit that went down they glossed over in two sentences wtf

[chiosblog]

It's truly beautiful seeing amazing queer artists winning this year at eurovision but it's also truly painful seeing all of my country's newspapers and online news misgender them multiple times 😡😡

[henneseyhoe]

I Think She Like Me.

Oc x BLACK!FEM!reader

WARNINGS: smuttt, masterbation, gay shit, smoking, sexual confusion.

Summary:your girl crush wants you more than you thought.

Ps. This is my first girlxgirl smut so please give feedback and advice if y’all can! Also some of this is unedited but it’s late so I’ll do it later Lmfao.

✮✮✮✮

Raven.

Look at her. She was so. Damn. Fine. The way she applied pink tinted gloss to her already two toned pink lips had my thighs clenching, wishing she was in between them instead to halt them from closing, my very own honey flooding her tongue as she made it her mission to lick up every drop that spilled from this pussy, which she claimed belonged to her.

Just gawking at her like this made me confused. I was confused looking at her and her beauty, but something in me said I didn’t have to understand to admire, and I was fine with doing that without dissecting my feelings towards her, or any other woman for that matter.

“You got a staring problem” I hear from besides me, making me look back down at the assignment papers I was really supposed to be focused on. I heard Marlo sigh. “I’ve been talking for five minutes and all you can do is stare across the room! Who you thinkin’ bout’, shordy? Me?” My bestfriend teased, poking at my stomach. I chuckle and swat his hand away, pulling my crop top down to cover the place he poked.

Marlo wasn’t a fan of being ignored, especially by me. He demanded attention all the time like the extra drama king he was. You’d think he wouldn’t want any more attention with how racially ambiguous and confusing he looked as a whole, but I stood corrected.

“Cut it out. I’m just…thinking of ideas”

“What kind?”

I glare at him, getting ready to say something smart, per usual. “The kind that’ll get us both an A, nigga” He kisses his teeth, us both laughing because he knew he wasn’t gonna do any work that was helpful anyway. He was never any help during these group assignments, but I was use to it after two years of friendship. If it didn’t have anything to do with the frat he pledged to, or girls, he wasn’t interested.

“You know you ain’t shit for not helping me”

“Ain’t shiiiit?” He held his chest, gasping. “I provide the supplies, mamas. Ion need to help if I’m spending money”

“Yeah, yo ass need to buy us an A so I don’t have to work either” I shook my head, and he shrugs.

“Speaking of buying A’s, here comes bird chest and her AyE kAy aYes” he joked, making fun of the group of girls walking towards us, specifically pointing his insult at his ex, Alicia, and her new C cup titties.

I kept my giggles to a minimum and lowered my gaze to avoid any unnecessary looks from any of the girls that’d have my heart ready to jump out from my throat and onto the table in front of me. Obviously that was unsuccessful, Raven greeting me with a soft spoken “Y/N” while walking by me with a sultry sway, her dropping a paper besides my hand and sliding it into my main view before she made her way out of the cafeteria with the rest of her friends.

“Well damn, I’m invisible?” Marlo grumbled, his eyes following Raven just as intensely as mine. It was obvious we were both looking at her ass sitting up in that skirt. I took it upon myself to control my urges and turned away first to avoid any questions, picking up the flyer in front of me. Reading the paper that was just given, my eyes skimmed over the words to get the gist of what was going on, but before I could even finish, the paper was snatched out of my hand by Marlo, a devious smile on his face.

“Ouuu! Y’all havin a sleepover, how cute is that? A bunch of girls in ya’ girly little bras and laced panties, braiding each other hair and painting toes all night” his tone got more perverted as he went on, a disgusted groan leaving my mouth.

“You’re a pervert” I say, snatching the paper away and reading the rest of it. He laughs and peaks over my shoulder to read the rest of the paper. “It’s at Raven’s house? Matter fact, I think imma come” He smirks, but I shoved the paper back in his face before he could settle on that idea. “No boys allowed! Have fun beating your dick to the thought tonight though” Getting up from my seat, I excuse myself from the conversation by walking away. Marlo sucks his teeth and stands from his seat, walking the opposite direction of me.

✮✮✮✮

“Aye! Raven!” Marlo shouted, the girl stopping dead in her tracks. Letting out a sigh, she turns to him, a sassed hand placed on her hip. She could smell the bullshit a mile away. “Why do you always find me? What now, Marlo?” She asks, having no time for his daily shenanigans he always attempts to pull her into for some odd reason.

“You ain’t call me last night. Wassup wit’ that?”

“I gotta talk to you everyday now?”

His lip arched up and he looked at her up and down. “Ian askin’ you to cupcake wit’ a nigga, I’m just wondering why you ain’t call”

“Cause I didn’t have to…” she shrugs, looking around, waiting for the perfect time to exit. Marlo chuckles with no humor. “That’s how you act after you put the pussy on somebody?” He boldly mentions. Raven took all disrespect to him even approaching her, but talking about them fucking in public? A big no-no.

Raven squints, ready to bite his head off for mentioning their little “moment” together. “I told you not to tell nobody, and yet here you are, talking about it freely”

“I didn’t tell nobody, but why you don’t want nobody to know we fucked? It ain’t even that deep”

“It is! I don’t need everybody knowing who getting this pussy, and you not about to have my name out here” she huffs, frustrated that she even had to explain that to him. “I knew I shouldn’t have fucked wit’ ya’ ass! Y’all niggas chat more than women” she fussed.

Marlo kisses his teeth, waving her off. “Man, cut the bullshit. You probably got a nigga and don’t want word to get around”

Raven laughs, shaking her head. “Ain’t nobody worried bout no nigga, irritating ass. Now lemme get to my class ‘fo you make me late” Her accent became more pronounced the more irritant she got.

she turns to walk away, but Marlo was stubborn and was planning on bussin her down again by the end of the day, so he pulls her right back to place. With undeniable anger, Raven jerks away from him, her hot head traits popping out like never before. Too bad for her, Marlo was also quick to get loud.

They argued. Back and forth. Marlo’s Brooklyn accent over lapped with Raven’s Creole one, a loud, hot mix of cajun and tajin that would have never lasted in a relationship.

“You know what- I got sum fa’ you!” Raven said, her hand held up to the boys face. He immediately stopped talking, his head tilted and his eyes in a squint. “Whatchu got for me, ma? Huh?” He asks, his tone threatening, but Raven was unfazed.

“You’ll see when I’m fuckin’ ya’ friend” She smiles. Her statement was both a threat, and a promise, and Raven was a woman to always keep her word.

“…Excuse me?”

“You heard me” She stepped closer. Marlo only had one friend that Raven knew, and he knew that friend wasn’t on no freak shit like that. Or so he thought.

“That sleepover tomorrow night? I’m gonna fuck your best friend”. Marlo stood there, unimpressed with the threat. “Okay. You have fun with that, Raven” and with that, she walked away, leaving a salty Marlo in her dust.

✮✮✮✮

“Listen up, ladies! First task of Raven’s super summertime slumber party, we gotta take our shots. And no pretending, I’m willing to smell breath after this to make sure!” Raven announced, the girls laughing and taking their shots as soon as they were served to them. Everyone was packing into the kitchen to get their own drinks of choice, downing them with small “eck”s and “yuck”s leaving their mouths.

I shivered as I took my shot, patron being my choice of liquid death.

“Oh, you got balls” I heard from behind me as I finished my drink. I cleared my burning throat and turned, Raven giving me a soft smile as she took a small sip of her drink.

I paused, looking around to make sure she was talking to me. “Yeah, you” She confirms.

“No chaser?” She asks, grabbing at the punch bowl on the table next to her and pouring herself a little more of whatever spiked drink she had in her red solo cup.

“Yeah, no. I don’t do chasers” I answer, my energy becoming more reserved like I wasn’t just shaking my ass to the yinyang twins a few minutes ago.

“You like the taste of it without a chaser?” leaning closer to me, I feel her hand brush against my lower back, softly pushing me aside to grab a piece of chocolate that was offered out for everyone to take as they please. I nod, watching her take a bite of the Hershey kiss, then lick her lips to rid them of the droplets of alcohol and chocolate that didn’t make it into her mouth. I could only hope she knew what else she could do with that damn tongue.

“What else do you like? The smooth or the burning feeling?”

“Both..I like how it feels going down” I answer, and she smirks.

“I like how it feel going down too”

She hums, eyes trailing down my body. It was like she was only using the conversation as a way to freely steal glances. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was checking me out. “..Nice top by the way” Darting her eyes back up to mine, she takes another sip of her drink, then simply walks away.

‘What the fuck?’ I questioned myself. If I didn’t have my thighs clenched so tightly right now, I probably would have already had dampened my panties by now.

✮✮✮✮

Minutes later and there was music blasting, dancing, card games, but most importantly, and my favorite part, a blunt rotation. The blunt was passed around more than twenty times by now between me, Raven, and five other girls who decided to partake.

“I think I’m feelin it!” Tinesha gasps, smiling to herself. I chuckle at her reaction and take a strong pull from the blunt, passing it to Raven right after. She happily takes the blunt from me, her soft fingers caressing mine simultaneously to her taking the spliff from me.

I attempted to ignore all over her subtle, yet not so subtle movements and comments towards me. I felt like I was tripping for even thinking she was coming onto me. Maybe it was the shots and this blunt.

Weed smoke surrounded all of us, the taste of herb and alcohol parading my tongue. I blew smoke into the air and smiled, the girls around me cheering me on.

I felt my body relax in the couch as the minutes ticked by, the heat of Raven’s body next to me giving me a sort of comfort as I tried to find calm in my current space. I could physically hear my heartbeat in my ears now, and I was thinking about how bold I had to be to actually come to this sleepover, but it must’ve looked like I was geeking instead of panicking.

“You feelin it yet?” Raven asks, her leg making its way over mine. I felt her run her freshly done toes up my shin, her touch sending sparkling tingles through me. It was like my brain went into panic mode, my first thought being to jump up. Was she really coming onto me?

“We should go change for tonight!” I declared suddenly, the girls attention falling onto me. If I were them I’d look at me like I was crazy, but seeing that the weed was louder than a frat house, nobody saw a problem with my sudden urge to end the night. “Ouuu, yes! I bought us all these cute onesies to wear tonight for pictures” one of the girls exclaimed, standing up and running off to the living room to grab the clothing.

“I actually need to take another shower, so imma take this outfit change as an excuse” Tinesha spoke up, one other girl agreeing. A shower is just what I needed to cool me down. “I’ll take one too” I said, wiping my sweaty hands in my jean shorts. “I guess I’m taking a shower too” Raven says, smiling.

✮✮✮✮

Like I said before, a shower is just what I needed. The bathroom was huge, and the shower alone was bigger than any I’ve ever been in before. The water was hot, just how I liked it, and the water pressure was enough to send me to heaven. It honestly almost did when I was rinsing off with the detachable shower head and accidentally put it too low, the water grazing my clit ever so slightly, but it was still enough to make me let out a stifled moan as my knees buckled.

I had to quickly get out of there before I started something.

Wrapping a towel around my body, I grabbed the clothes that was given to me and exited out of the fogged up bathroom, walking through the long hallways of this house that was quite literally made for a princess. The house was huge, no doubt. Five bedrooms, a bathroom in each, outdoor pool, basement AND attic, even a kitchenette to compliment it all. I’d love to live in some big ass castle like this, but obviously it wouldn’t fall into my lap easily, and I wasn’t born with a silver spoon. Raven though? Born a heiress to both her parents fortune. Her mother was an accountant, and her father a successful realtor. She had it made.

I knew because I may have done some snooping on a few girls upon deciding whether I wanted to pledge AKA or not.

‘Damn, does this place end?’ I asked myself as I picked a random room to change in, assuming not all of them could have been occupied. Twisting the door handle, I walk in, but immediately stop in my tracks once I realized it was occupied, specifically by Raven.

“Oh! I’m sorry! I’ll go to another room-“

“No, come in! I don’t bite, I promise” she smiles, holding the towel up to her body.

“Y-..you sure?”

“Yeah! The rest of the rooms are occupied too so you might as well” I nervously chuckle. “All of them?

“All five, baby” She confirms, giggling.

I clear my throat and hesitantly walk into the room, my heart beating like a drum in my chest. “Close the door, silly. I don’t want just anybody seeing my goodies” she says, flipping her 26 inch bundles off of her shoulders.

I slowly close the door behind me with my foot, my arms clutching my clothes close to me. I had never been alone with her before, or any woman like this. Not this close, not this naked. I felt hot, and not in the heated way.

Easily slipping off her towel as if she wasn’t naked underneath it, she begins moisturizing her body with what I presumed to be oil. My hands fly up to my face at lightning speed and my clothes fell to the floor, a light gasp leaving my mouth at how it happened so quickly. I couldn’t tell if she was being promiscuous or if she was just that comfortable with me. Something told me it wasn’t the second option.

I heard her let out a shallow sigh, like she was tired of my reactions. “Raven I-“

“I want you to look….” She interrupts and I tilt my head, my hands still covering my eyes.

“What?”

“I said, I want you to look. You want to anyway. Cmon..” she pried. my breath was shaky as I slowly let my hands down, the girl continuing with her previous actions.

I had never been this open with women before, it shocked me how she was so free. Just last year I was convincing myself that I was straight. I was wrong. I don’t know what I am, but looking at the scene in front of me, it definitely ain’t that.

She rubbed oil over her torso and arms, her hands smoothing over her collar bones before making their way down to her titties. Round, brown, perky, pretty. She had tits models would die for. Her nipples were hard, standing at attention as her fingers caressed over them, her plump lips letting a moan slip right passed them. The touching was constant, her hands never leaving her body with her left hand sliding towards her freshly waxed pussy.

You could immediately see the glow and sheen the oil gave her lips as she used her entire hand to spread the oil over her before taking her middle finger and sliding it between her lips for a split second, a smirk growing on her face as I watched in almost a controlled state, not missing a beat.

“You wanna watch?” She asked. I didn’t even have to answer before she climbed into the bed and laid on her back, her ass slightly hanging off the bed with her legs spread wide, giving me a clear show of everything she had. Umber on the outside, rose pink on the inside. I couldn’t even help the jumping of my clit, my slick coating between my thighs as it had no barrier to stop it.

Ravens fingers danced around her slim body, one of her hands still working on tweaking her nipples as the other did as it pleased with her pussy, a singular finger playing with her pink button. She rubbed in circular motions with her jaw slack, breathy sighs leaving her mouth and moans following after. She could feel my urge to fall to my knees, but she gave me no permission.

Her juices her slowly pushed out of her as she clenched around nothing at all, her fingers tracing down to spread a little of what was urging to touch the sheets under her. She only rubbed faster from this point on. Her toes curled, and her moans picking up. her hips bucked upwards, and her legs shook. She came so gracefully with a constant lull of her head, her fringes falling into her face once she picked her head back up and looked at me.

“You like me…don’t you, Y/N?” She spoke suddenly, controlling her breathing.

“…yeah” I answer, nodding.

“So..can I make you cum tonight?”

“Yes, please” She smiles.

“Come lick me up and I’ll make you cum as many times as you want then”

✮✮✮✮

[valeriianz]

For the fic writer asks:

4. Obviously you did research for BitB. I'd love you to ramble about it if you like I'm sure you've got STORIES

5. Did you outline it?

7. How'd you decide it would be Hob's pov?

25-27 I'd love to know a/some favorite lines, details, and any lore you might want to share

omg TJ what wonderful questions! thank you!! this is going to get LONG!

4: Rambling about research!

do you wanna see a screen shot of my bookmarks under my "band au" folder?

man, and that's only what could fit on the screen.

there is... SO MUCH i chose to ignore for this fic. ideas that i had to drop, lines or extra details about the other band members equipment. more logistics, what Lucienne actually does, what Mervyn has to put up with as the new touring stage manager... i realized very early on that i couldn't possibly cram all this (super cool and eye opening) information into the fic and still keep reader's interest and, most importantly, to not stray away from the fact that this is a dreamling fic. whenever i felt myself getting carried away with a side character or job or even social media numbers, gossip, outside POVs, i had to reign myself in and get back on track. there will be time for exploring everything i missed in side stories after BitB is finished. i just hope i still have the energy to write it all.

once, i was so deep into research that after publishing chapter 2, i went into work and when my chef asked what "GA" meant on my prep list, i answered with full confidence, "general admission."

(it means "get ahead.")

the worst part of this entire writing process is im still learning new shit. i havent rewatched or read a lot of what i've saved because, to be very honest, i was feeling a little burnt out. it's why we're kinda full steam dreamling now. it's why ive been glossing over a lot of technical stuff and being vague about conversations amongst the crew/not including it at all. i don't prefer ignoring my research, but at the end of the day i want to still enjoy writing this fic and finish it. even if i can't be as descriptive and detailed and nuanced as i used to be.

5: Did you outline the fic?

(also asked by @hardly-an-escape!)

i wouldn't call what i have a proper "outline," it's more like a 20k word document filled to the brim with notes that i skim at least a dozen times while i'm writing a new chapter (being in my brain is literally hell). i live multichapter life very dangerously. i copy and paste lines or sections (always scattered, never together! augh!) that are meant to go together and plop them in a new document titled "band au ch.#" and then i structure the chapter around what i want to happen.

but to answer this question in the plainest of terms: yeah. i know exactly what's going to happen up until the very end. even if its all in my head and the only concrete shit that's written down are beats/plot points. i'll figure out the rest later!

7: How'd you decide it would be Hob's POV?

i actually never even considered writing it from Dream's POV. this was my first fic in the fandom (which is so nuts to think about lol) and writing in Dream's POV sounded so scary lol. i also just thought Hob's would be easier because i have worked a few backstage shows, back in my college years. i figured eh, i can make this work. and i loved exploring how weird and mysterious musicians can be, from a normie's POV. making Hob a fan first and having him worry about developing a parasocial relationship... it was fun to explore.

25: Share your favorite line

oh god, i have so many haha.

“What are you thinking about?” starting in ch.2 and onward lmao

“It’s–” Dream laughs quietly, bitterly. “I don’t like change.” He says each word with emphasis, eyes trailing down to fixate somewhere past Hob. “And I still hold onto the things I can control, like my instruments–” his eyes swing up to regard Hob apologetically. “Or my clothes or my–” he brings a hand up and wiggles his fingers around his head. “My hair.” ch.4

"His majesty is pleased." ch.5

“You are obsessive,” he states, slow and cool and with a quiet smile cracking through his composure. “Just like me.” ch.7

“You look good.” Hob has to lean in to say so, unwilling to raise his voice amongst the roar of the fans. ch.11

“Del looks like porcelain, but she’s actually made of steel.” Desire swirls the contents of their glass before pushing their shoulders back with a deep breath. “She's tougher than all of us.” ch.11

“Everything. I want…” his fingers tighten in Hob’s hair, pulling him closer, speaking against his lips. “…Everything.” ch.14

26: Share your favorite detail

how intentionally coy Dream behaves. i love keeping him a mystery and deciding when and how much to allow his intentions to peek through has been so fun lol.

Despair is in fact covered in tattoos and piercings! i say this because i feel like sometimes i forget lmao. (but also her and Hob don't interact much so. my bad haha).

Delirium's constant explosion of color in the way she dresses <3

Hob's dedication to his job, Dream, and the people he cares about the most. i don't care if people think i'm making him too soft and good, im gonna project on that man and make him a sweet, sweet simp lmao

and ah, this doesn't matter anymore, and i kinda regret doing it but. i originally had Dream's favorite bass all black but the pickguard was white. so it actually looked like Jessamy. not gonna lie when @designtheendless drew it all black i decided i liked it better that way. and truly i do. that's when i went back to ch.1 and changed it haha. to actually see the guitar with Dream, all done up sparkling black and purple flecks... gosh it's just so him. but then i got up to the reveal that the guitar's name was Jessamy and i was like, "oh, right." lmao. no one seems to care so i'll leave it be.

27: Share a piece of lore you made up for the story

i have a lot lmao. and this post is already so long... im hoping i can get to some if not all of it in side fics in the future. but for now, here's some that's more like headcanons but:

Dream hates flying. he can full on go into panic attacks on the plane if he allows himself to get into his own head.

this was mentioned briefly in ch.4, while Dream was discussing the formation of the band, but Despair was in another band before joining Endless. she is the only character in the fic who gets to keep her English roots (lol sorry) and is the oldest in the band (30).

all of the band members ages: Dream, Desire, and Death are all 28 and Delirium is 22.

Dream can experience subdrop after going too hard during a performance.

Dream paints his own nails, it's very therapeutic.

as an exercise, i explored my own headcanons for Dream in this verse in a word doc, and one thing i will share from it that you might find interesting: If I were to ever give Dream a theological values, I would describe him as a satanist. He is a physical and pragmatic person, nonconforming, and although he is introverted, he enjoys being a part of a community (he loves his band).

also found this in my notes: How Desire and Dream got along was Death making them fight it out. Hob raises an eyebrow “like in a brawl?” He couldn't imagine Desire throwing hands. “No, in a pillow fight that escalated in hair pulling and verbal taunts.”

fic writer asks

[youcouldmakealife]

Liveblogging the End: Jared (103-105)

Okay, I am back to liveblog the end now that we are ACTUALLY approaching the end several...years...later.

Previous parts can all be found under the liveblogging the end tag in reverse chronological order.

And if you want to read along with me, the series page is here.

I am dropping the part summaries going forward, and instead you'll have random ass mini-essays on occasion, because I have Thoughts and Feelings and the like. Starting with one today, below the cut.

I paused the LBTE last time at part 102, because I realised we were, in fact, a long way off from the end, and I was going to finish the liveblog well before I finished the series. And I was…very right about that. It’s a good place to step back in, honestly: Jared’s just told Deslauriers about his relationship with Bryce (it went poorly), Bryce is about to tell the Flames about him and Jared (it will go poorly), and wedding plans are ramping up. Let’s step back to Alberta, everyone.

Here’s the thing about Jared Matheson: he’s beautiful, he’s smarter than most people around him (not all around him, as he believes, but most), he’s in the 0.001 percentile of hockey players worldwide, and he draws good, kind people around him like moths to his flame (also fellow hobgoblins, to be fair). And he thinks like a Mary Sue: ‘here I am, just this ordinary boy, totally unremarkable, why did Bryce Marcus just trip over his feet looking at me, must be a plot’ and then Bryce’s POV is ‘oh look, it’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen’.

Here’s the other thing about Jared Matheson. He’s the narrator of this story, but he’d be the first to tell you the true hero of this story is Bryce Marcus, and Jared’s The Love Interest. Of course, he’s not exactly the mute but there to look pretty and provide stakes love interest of action movies, or the longsuffering picking up after man baby partner of romantic comedies (…mostly), but he is, indubitably, the love interest of the Official Plotline. And fuck does Bryce love him.

I obviously did not know what I was getting into with Impaired Judgment (the series name that just keeps on getting more and more fitting). First off, I had zero handle whatsoever on Bryce. Jared’s voice I had pretty well from the get go — it changed, naturally, as he got older and more settled, and his ‘like’ per part ratio is down significantly at 24 versus 17 (Bryce actually uses it more than he does in dialogue, now), but I had Jared pretty well pegged.

Bryce Marcus. Holy shit man. That guy was a revelation to me as much as he was to Jared. Dude peeled off his layers like a fucking strip tease at the beginning of IJ(aoe) and then grew to be one of my kindest, most earnest, sweetest characters. What I thought was a trash son had only landed in the dumpster accidentally, and required a rescue.

I’m going to have other random little essays while I go through Liveblogging the End (actually for real this time), because this many words and this many years in, there’s obviously something that keeps me coming back to these boys every time I think I’ve reached a natural end to their story, one more step they have to take together before they’re through. But in the meantime, let’s get to the actual story, shall we.

103 - Exertion

Wedding planning feels particularly good when you’re doing it spitefully. Things Jared wasn’t overly concerned with are suddenly important. Fuck yes they’re going to wear tuxes and have the stupidly expensive catering Bryce wants. If Bryce wants a fucking ice sculpture in the middle of summer Jared would probably okay it right now, just as long as he could send a picture of it to Oilers PR.

One of my favourite things about Jared is how much spite he can inject into all his endeavours.

Bryce comes home after two hours, and Jared is given a pretty solid example of Chaz’s reports of the discrepancy between Bryce’s gloss on the phone with Jared versus Bryce in reality, because his face is a fucking thundercloud until he realises Jared’s looking at him, and once he does it gets very — neutral. The epitome of ‘fine’.

Bryce is still masking a LOT at this point in the narrative. It’s kind of crazy to me how far he’s come at this point and how far he’s still going to go.

Jared’s at least ninety percent sure people have recognised Bryce, so he keeps it low when he leans in while Bryce is taking a long-overdue water break, shirt plastered to his back, and says, “Is it weird to say you look hot when you’re punching things?”

Bryce laughs a little breathlessly. “You hate when I fight,” he says.

“Yeah, but when you’re fighting guys are throwing punches back,” Jared says. “And I kinda like your face.”

This is going to keep holding true, much to Jared’s chagrin. Well, chagrin about the fighting: he’s cool continuing to like Bryce’s face.

They do, however, fuck in their own shower — no matter how many times Jared swears they’re never going to do that again, usually while nursing a minor injury, he gets Bryce naked and wet in an enclosed space with him and things go badly. Well, they go badly for his self-discipline; they go pretty okay otherwise. Neither of them even need an ice pack after

The one lesson that is never learned in this narrative, but hey: no ice pack this time.

“Cool,” Jared says. “You still want that crazy expensive catering company?”

“I mean, you keep looking at price per person, but it’s not that much when we only have—”

“You can go ahead and book them,” Jared says.

*

“Hey, is mid-July too soon for the wedding? That huge lake house you thought it’d be cool to rent out just told mom they got a cancellation then.”

Jared would literally marry him tomorrow if Bryce wasn’t so aghast at the idea of eloping.

“I know we haven’t ironed out, like—” Bryce says.

“Book it,” Jared interrupts.

Their entire wedding comes together on the wings of spite and Bryce is kind of loving it, tbh.

“Liar,” Jared says.

“Mom,” Bryce complains.

“Bear, you know you’re a bad liar,” Elaine says.

One of Bryce’s best-worst feelings is when Jared and Elaine team up on him. His favourite people are united! Against him.

Erin drops the ‘I don’t know how hockey works’ b.s. while Elaine’s there, which is good, because if Jared had to tell her one more time that icing doesn’t persist during the power play, while he’s already grit-tooth watching the Flames kill it, well —

Jared should not kill his sister.

This act, which was used to bug the SHIT out of her father and brother, is permanently dropped when she gets together with Julius, and Jared and Don both have dramatic ‘I KNEW IT’ conversations with her.

“But you would have had to tell them before the wedding,” Elaine says. “And telling them affects your career more than his.”

“How?” Jared asks. “He’s the high-profile player.”

“That’s my point,” Elaine says. “There’s always going to be a team that thinks his play makes a potential scandal worth it.”

And that isn’t true of Jared. He honestly like — his dad’s been telling him that since before he was drafted, that a team might decide it wasn’t worth the PR headache, pissing off the homophobic fans. And he knew that, intellectually he knew his dad was right, it’s just — he didn’t expect it to go as bad as it did. Maybe that was naive.

Jared would self-describe as a pessimist, but he’s actually the optimist, between him and Bryce. And he’s usually the one who’s right about how things will go down, versus Bryce, who tends to fear the worst, but unfortunately that’s not always the case.

“I worried about him a lot growing up. I’m sure you can — I worried about Bryce a lot. And I don’t worry — I don’t worry about him in the same way now. And you’re a big part of why I don’t. So thank you for that.”

“I didn’t really do anything,” Jared says. “Like, he kind of — it’s all him. He’s the one who did all the work, you know?”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Elaine says, reaching out and squeezing his hand, and Jared squeezes back.

This is probably my favourite Jared and Elaine moment in the entire series. The utter RELIEF it has been for Elaine, Bryce having Jared in his life. That fear has been so ever-present since Bryce was a child, the weight of it coming off was immense. She still worries about him, obviously, but before, she was Bryce’s sole support. Him having Jared is such blessing to her.

“Why’re you still up?” Jared asks.

“Waiting for you,” Bryce says, but he doesn’t protest when Jared pokes him to their room, supervises him getting into bed. Bryce gets out a plaintive “Come to bed,” before he crashes hard, and Jared gets Gatorade — blue, because Bryce earned it — and aspirin, puts them on Bryce’s bedside table in case he wakes up dehydrated and sore, which Jared knows from experience he almost definitely will. And Jared’s never played the kind of minutes Bryce did tonight. He adds an extra aspirin, just in case.

Soft shit, Matheson.

104 - Ember

Two of them are vanilla because Jared’s selfish and Bryce isn’t there, and anyway, no one dislikes vanilla, so it’s a good flavour to have.

I have been asked about the cake reversal, because Bryce has stated that he liked vanilla best when Jared got him a cupcake for a birthday very early in their relationship, and I will say this: Jared was visibly nervous he got the wrong flavour and Bryce was lying to make him feel better. Jared even pegged it at the time. Also as soon as he realised he could have a non-traditional wedding cake he got excited.

(He DOES like vanilla ice cream best, but he is a chocolate cake guy. Jared’s a chocolate ice cream and vanilla cake guy. Complementary couple.)

“I brought guests!” Bryce tells him, Chaz and Ashley walking in the door before Jared can do more than throw the nearest blanket over himself, give himself a little dignity. Not that Chaz hasn’t seen him in less hundreds of times, but context. Plus Ashley hasn’t, and does not deserve to be unexpectedly subjected to it. He twists it so it covers his chest too. He’s sure Ashley isn’t going to be scandalised by his nipples or whatever, but still.

“Beautiful blanket toga,” Chaz says.

He is stunning in his attire.

“We just got the cake decided,” Jared says. “Chocolate and vanilla, which isn’t like, totally traditional—” he pretends he doesn’t see Bryce rolling his eyes at him. “But it’s not like, a cupcake cake or whatever, so.”

“Aw, I like those little cupcake towers,” Ashley says. “They’re super cute.”

VINDICATION FOR HALLA.

Bryce eats it up, and Jared can’t blame him, considering that’s like, his first enthusiastic Matheson reception, barring Erin the irritating shadow and devoted future sister-in-law. Plus her glaring crush when he first came onto the scene. Maybe Jared will amend that to adult Mathesons — though like, his grandma’s a Murray, not a Matheson, so maybe that’s the difference. No hobgoblin gene.

Jared has the hobgoblin gene from both sides, his grandma has simply bamboozled him into thinking she’s not a hobgoblin herself.

It’s going to cost an absurd amount for something Jared will probably never wear again, except maybe to Oilers charity stuff — and even then hopefully he’ll have put on enough weight it won’t fit — and Jared almost protests and puts his foot down on getting one off the rack, despite Bryce’s obvious horror at the idea, but then he gathers all his reserves of spite and lets it happen.

Bryce continues to be very grateful to Jared’s spite in this matter.

Small potatoes is a stupid term, Julius texts back ten minutes later, ten minutes Jared imagines he spent looking up whatever the hell that meant and then trying to figure out why that was a thing, and then throwing his hands up at the English language. It’s easy to imagine because Jared’s seen him do it multiple times before.

And to be fair, it is a pretty stupid term. Like, what is it comparing the small potatoes to? Big potatoes? A pumpkin?

It literally has no defined etymology and that makes me fucking mad. A good idiom requires a root MEANING, even if it’s no longer relevant to modern life. Fuck you small potatoes.

Jared snorts, then texts Julius with a mad face. “I can’t believe you’re sulking,” Bryce says. “I’m not,” Jared says, and then sends Julius three more mad faces and a I cooked for you ALL YEAR and I get nothing. Thank you for your congratulations, Julius sends back twenty minutes later. Whatever we both knew you were a lock., Jared texts back

I love their friendship. Julius is the friend Jared deserves.

It feels vaguely unethical for them to get preferential treatment when everyone’s supposed to be equal, but Jared doesn’t want some random person at City Hall recognising Bryce, so he’s not actually complaining.

Love Jared like ‘I recognise this is the sort of preferential treatment that leads to systemic inequality which is bad…but also I appreciate it’.

“We’re getting married in July,” Jared says, just to like — tell her. She doesn’t care, she’s just telling them how long it’s valid for so they don’t have to get a new one, but it’s just. It’s cool, saying it to someone.

“Congratulations,” she says, both like she says it a billion times a day, and like she means it, means it as much for them as anyone else, no more or less.

“Thank you,” Bryce says, and it’s stupid, but Jared has the sudden urge to take his hand, follows through on it. She knows they’re getting married, it’s not like a little hand holding is going to shock her. Once again, she doesn’t bat an eye.

But then also NOT getting different treatment is meaningful as hell too.

105 - Promise

It turns out while Bryce’s celebrity was kind of handy in getting some strings pulled at City Hall, it is a pain in the fucking ass when it comes to getting an officiant. Jared figured they could get Elaine or Bryce’s grandpa or someone to get a licence for it, like he’s seen before, keep it in the family, but Alberta’s a buzzkill on that one, and they have to go official.

I ALSO figured that and was displeased with the government of Alberta. (But when am I not, you know? If I get the fucking 'tell the Feds' ad one more time during a hockey game so help me--)

Jared doesn’t want to do that. Like, for one, Bryce is going to have a speech that’s a billion times more romantic and great even if he doesn’t put any effort into it — and Jared knows he’s going to put effort in it. Jared’s is going to be awful in comparison. Every time Jared tries to talk about his feelings, it ends up terrible and often insulting. Bryce deserves better.

Look at Jared trying to make this sound like he’s refusing for Bryce’s sake. (though he is right, it is typically terrible and insulting.)

“You know, the ‘I take you, blah blah blah,’” Jared says. “She just wanted to know if we wanted to personalise them. You’re supposed to save the long stuff for the reception, you know, not drag the wedding on too long.”

Did Jared trawl wedding sites explicitly for this ammo? Absolutely. He’s even got the links saved in case Bryce asks for sources. Sources say: don’t do anything that takes over a minute, it’s a bad idea, it’ll bore your guests.

Any sources that said otherwise naturally were discarded because they did not suit Jared’s purposes.

Raf seems like the kind of guy who’d like, light candles at dinner for ambiance, and Chaz is totally the kind of guy who’d buy Ashley flowers ‘just because’, all these things Jared is totally deficient at

He’s got it backwards: Chaz is candle guy, Raf is flowers just because guy. (And for her mom! And sister! Grace’s fam love Raf so.)

lean on your teammates for help, right? If you’re weak on the point, don’t go there, let a teammate more capable have that slot. Teamwork 101.

God I love Jared trying to hide his machinations with hockey talk, like that’s going to fool anyone.

“No,” Raf repeats. “You have to do your own wedding stuff.”

“It’s just my vows,” Jared says.

“That’s the most important part,” Raf says, sounding faintly scandalised.

Raf is more than faintly scandalized, honestly.

“You seem like a romantic guy,” Jared says to Chaz after they wrap up for the day.

“Oh fuck no,” Chaz says. “I’ve already heard like three drafts of BJ’s vows, there’s no way I’m listening to yours too.”

Three drafts? In two days? Jared’s fucked.

“I was going to ask you to help me write them?” Jared says.

“That’s so much worse, no way,” Chaz says.

And Chaz is done.

He looks up some sample vows on his phone while he’s making him and Bryce dinner that night, and they leave him red with secondhand embarrassment. He can’t imagine saying anything even close to what they say. There will be no ‘light of my life’ leaving his mouth, true or not.

Look at this dude just slipping in that Bryce is the light of his life. Two people making this relationship mushy, Jared.

Jared was always kind of, well — he was a studious kid. He got good grades. He prepared for classes. So it seems to make sense to make a list as a starting point. Sort of a ‘Pros and Cons of Bryce Justin Marcus, Except Just the Pros Because Our Wedding is a Dumb Time To Mention the Cons, Unless the Cons are Endearing Ones’.

Can you imagine this dude listing Bryce’s cons during his vows to be ‘fair’. Pro: excellent at hockey. Con: needs to work on controlling his temper on the ice. Pro: romantic as fuck. Con: romantic as fuck.

Fuck. He is not good at this. This is not his thing. The list part, sure, but not the conveying emotion part. He has a ton of emotions for Bryce, but like, saying them? Oof.

Big oof. Especially considering Jared’s history when trying to convey said emotions.

He’s definitely crazy in love to be thinking about Bryce at like, forty, having a shitfit because he’s starting to go bald, or grey, when he’s so vain about his — admittedly terrific — hair. Or Bryce at sixty, buying a convertible all over again and thinking he’s so cool, or at ninety, grin as shiny white as ever because his teeth are all fake, and still being like ‘yeah, I want that guy’.

We all know this man is due for another red convertible decades from now, Jared has resigned himself already.

Jared closes the doc — password protected or not, no way he wants Bryce to accidentally stumble onto that ridiculousness — unlocks the door to the spare room — he was maybe a lot paranoid about Bryce not stumbling in on the ridiculousness — and wanders into the living room after hiding his laptop in said spare room.

Jared treating his vows like state secrets while Bryce has already emailed Ashley like five different versions for peer review.

He’s having a lot of feelings lately. It’s very disorienting. Like, he always has feelings, obviously, he’s not a robot, but he’s having so many. Bryce always does this to him, dammit.

Thankfully ‘how dare you make me feel feelings’ did not make it to the final vows.

[alphinias]

I’ll never forgive the Pates for the lack of acknowledgment from the Pogues towards Jiara in S4, it was there on some level but it was mainly angst from Pope or Sarah directly trying to understand from Kie, realistically they should’ve noticed and realistically there would have been banter about it.

I get it the show isn’t about them but literally all it was took a couple of phrases thrown there in between bigger dialogues like little seeds, like when Kie and Sarah were talking sitting down on the balcony Sarah could have just thrown a “he cares, you should have seen him when they kidnapped you” or John B saying “go get your girl” instead of just “oh I see”…it didn’t take much, just small crumbs to make it clear they clocked it.

Especially when you think about how quickly they made Sarah and John B clock whatever was happening between Kie and Pope immediately after their return from the Bahamas.

IN CONCLUSION I NEED JOHN B AND POPE TO TAKE THE PISS AT JJ IN S4 FOR HOW “PUSSY WIPPED” HE IS.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk!

Yeah this was absolutely the thing that disappointed me the most about S3 regarding Jiara. But it’s rooted in the deeper problem with S3 overall in how they neglected the pogue dynamic for other shit.

TOTALLY agree about how easy it would’ve been to rectify. I get that JJ was doing everything in his power to avoid talking about it with anyone so I’ll give them an inch on that end, but Kie was actually dying to! Even what we did get with Sarah it was like… Sarah just glossed right over kie’s comments and went straight back to Topper/John B drama. Because that’s what we as an audience wanted to hear obviously!

Hoping they can redeem it a bit in S4 for sure but it won’t ever totally make up for the lack of it in the season where they got together.

[theflikchic]

Okay food for thought: I'm rereading PoA, I'm almost done it, and I'm trying to read it critically. And this thought cannot stop bothering me:

Excluding the later books, speaking strictly from a character-writing perspective, does anyone else find it kinda weird and uncomfortable how glossed over the "prank" (basically murder attempt, Sirius doesn't even deny it) on Snape is?

There are definitely more pressing matters during the situation. Who really betrayed Harry's parents is the ultimate issue at hand. But I noticed that after Lupin, who is mostly very open about how the whole "prank" went down, explains why it is that Snape really hates Lupin and Sirius, Harry addresses this and even when he believes Sirius isn't guilty of murder, he still never gives Sirius' apathy towards almost killing Snape a second thought. And the narrative seems totally fine with it.

Like, this is a major revelation. Or at least, it should be. Harry has found out that the real reason James saved Snape's life is because James' friend- his best friend- used Lupin to try and harm another student. And despite this, the narrative still acts shocked when Snape looks "deranged" and "mad" when faced with Sirius, whereas Harry calls him "pathetic". Snape is obviously an asshole who has beef with a CHILD, so there's bias there from Harry but...

Okay. Snape goes way out of line during that Shack scene (imo, he deserved to get conked out like that telling Harry to actually die, SHIT). But I get why he goes that far even if it's awful.

At first, when he reveals himself specifically after the explanation behind the prank, the narrative seems set up for the reader to also gain some understanding for why Snape is behaving this way while still presenting him as in the wrong. He was nearly killed, Sirius got off, they hushed it all up, and he clearly has severe unresolved trauma from that. I can't see ANY other explanation for why he acts like that, and the same goes Sirius (who was younger than ME when he got put into Azkaban). So you'd think- with Harry's whole year being about trauma and the narritive focusing on it, you'd think the set up would lean more into setting up Harry considering the unresolved trauma Snape has about this.

But no. The narrative goes right back to only portraying him as "petty" and having to just get over himself, as someone now looking "deranged" because of a "schoolboy grudge". It's as if the provided info of the prank never happened and the only thing Harry heard was that Snape was "jealous of James' talent on the Quidditch pitch" (also Snape?! How?! Given what we know about him these past three books, this seems sorta out of character. Jealous of James' popularity definitely but sports ability?). Harry doesn't question the prank, even when his FATHER did, chalks up Snape's whole experience to being "made a fool of at school", and the narrative just... goes with it?

Whether or not you believe Snape deserved to get attacked by Lupin, it's very odd to me how this is a big reveal and then Harry's brain and the narrative alike switch back to "oh that Snape, just grow up" as if the reveal never happened and acts as if it's still shocking that a man forced to hush up his near murder would be..."deranged" (the small ableism in PoA is something else btw).

This was way longer than intended but from a writing perspective, does it seem odd to anyone else? Is it just bc the narrative is so heavily told from Harry's POV? If so, it doesn't always feel that explicitly from Harry. Maybe I'll add on more when I finish rereading it but for some reason, this is really bothering me.

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 13x11 Breakdown

“What do we got? Chicken legs in jello?” “It’s a Mann’s world” “gas stations don’t talk like that” “the fuck is wrong with people?” “you should look around before you pull over for gas on that kind of shit. You see the Jesus Saves van and the creepy guy, you don’t stop” “at this point, just drive on the tire” “like they can fkn hear you” “the fuck” “I really like this season’s title card. I really like this season in general” “what’s Sam bitching about this time?” “Answer your goddamn phone already” “They got all the way there, and the front wheel didn’t rotate?” “Did Dean forget about this other guy?” “un-FBI like” “nobody turns down pancakes” “it’s obviously not the preacher” laughter

“God these guys are terrible at talking about their feelings” “wouldn’t it be supper where she’s from?” “the preacher is creepy as fuck holy shit” “that’s some bullshit” “is she going to slam his face into the table? Nah, that’s not a Donna thing” “that’s a helluva a user name” “what in the fuck?” laughter

“2Fangs2Furious? Did I just see that? Oh my god” “Doug doesn’t know yet?” “better get to it” “I want more details on how he cracked the encrypted torr server. They glossed over that too quickly” “why’d you cuff his hands in front of him?” “you can hear the music, you’d have heard the scream, too” “that’s not great” “what/“ laughter “no shit buddy” “that was quick” “why aren’t we chopping his head off yet?” “what the fuck?” “yeah but youre Dean Winchester” “What? You haven’t fed it to him yet? Way to make a mess in the car” “but Sam has no heart” “take off the mask” “what kind of monster was the guy? Just a regular guy monster?” “Donkey bear?” Dougie bear

“Oh” “Not really” laughter

“I’m very confused by the decor. Where did they find this couch?” “Are they married or something? Oh never mind” “idk why but this episode reminded me of when I went camping and then the SWAT team showed up” “not for me obviously”

“That was a fkn good episode. Way darker than their normal”

[yuridovewing]

ok so about sandstorm’s death. here’s a minor correction on how it went down- she did not die by scraping her shoulder on a farm fence and getting it infected.

her shoulder got bitten by a fox and alderpaw couldnt treat the infection because she was pushing on despite the wound. she didnt get enough sleep because they were rushing the journey. she climbed the farm fence and scraped her shoulder on the spike and fell to the ground , making it worse. then she almost got ran over by a farm tractor, and in trying to escape she fell into Literal Cow Shit and got it all over her wound. then she had to climb the fence, scraped her shoulder, and fell AGAIN.

she then proceeded to die slowly and miserably tossing and turning in pain, not being able to sleep well, and croaked unceremoniously at the end of the chapter

shes a ghost on the next page and basically says “lol you dont need me anymore, peace”

she is buried by some random bush. the only family that could attend are her two grandkids and no one else. the chapter where she dies is combined with the skyclan reveal for the other characters. shes buried in the middle of nowhere far away from her family and no one greets her in the afterlife onscreen.

it is strongly implied that she was killed off so she couldnt tell her dumb grandson “hey these obviously arent the cats in your vision” when he sees darktails group

so. how did the other three (male) side characters from the original five apprentice group from into the wild die again?

ravenpaw was revealed in a leader ceremony in something im sure was meant to be seen as an epilogue at that point, and later got a novella where he died besides the partner he loved and had had one last hoorah helping out skyclan. the entire novella is a sendoff for him

dustpelt got a good amount of attention in bramblestars storm where he was depressed after his wife died. he dies in the climax and his death is treated with immense respect where his wife and their dead children come to comfort his ghost and take him to starclan

graystripe apparently got one last super edition AND was one of the climatic deaths in the last book of tbc. he gets to have the epic showdown with ashfur where he tells him whats up and dies bravely to protect his clan

sandstorm goes through uncomfortable shoulder gore for a few chapters and dies unceremoniously for the sake of her grandson’s plot and her death is pretty much glossed over after this point

sandstorm. firestar’s love interest. one of the most favored characters from the first arc with valued character development and an admirable personality. and this is the sendoff she gets.

hey you said it not me

[a-big-mess-of-a-person]

This isn't important, don't bother reading, but I need to put this somewhere because I don't know what to do. Sorry for any spelling errors, I type fast and don't check most of the time, and my auto correct is like a 50/50.

I think I'm in love?? Like. With a person???? I don't know what to do??? Technically I've been in two relationships in the past, but I don't think 6th grade and fucking kindergarten count so I'm glossing over those.

I met this person in VR almost a year ago (maybe a little over a year, idk) and we played for a bit and then got off for the day. Oh, they use he/they pronouns btw. We played the next day and then they went offline forever like those "'see you tomorrow' *last seen online 5 years ago*" memes. Little did I know that he lost the charger to their headset so they couldn't play. 6-7 weeks ago they were online again and I asked if I could join them, he said yes. We played nearly every day for around 2 hours for about two weeks after that. For the longest time they were mic-less because their mic didn't work in the game we met in (and at the time the only game we played together). But then about 2 weeks into playing literally hours everyday, he invites me to a call and we talked for like, four fucking hours. After that we missed a few days because I was traveling and so was he, then we started playing four like, 4 hours after that, like, I didn't want to just let my headset die. I wanted to play with them more, which is so unusual for me because i get socially worn down so fast. But not with him. After 4, hours I just get a little motion sick and dizzy so I really gotta go. So fast forward a week or so, I get really busy and so does he, we stopped playing for nearly a week until I messaged him today. Asked if he could play, they could, we played for another 4 hours.

During this entire time, I am thinking about them. Every little thing makes me think about them. And I realized I had a crush. During the recent week where we stopped playing, I was still thinking about him. Wondering if he was ok, wondering if I upset him, just, thinking what seems like nonstop about them. After today I still totally have a crush on them. We just talk so well and we bounce off each other so well. (Oh also by now we know each other's names, he knows what state I live in and I know roughly where they live)

I don't know what to do. I don't know what love is supposed to feel like. I don't have ANY actual fucking experience with relationships at fucking 15. And it's not even like, sexual, I'm ace, so that's not something I'm worried about, but. I don't know what to do, how to act, what to say. He's the reason I'm questioning my entire sexuality. I was fine with just being gay, but nope. He walks into my life. Oh and I know he's single, we were actually talking about his crazy fucking ex who practically stakes him.

I don't know what to do. It feels like sometimes he's just trying to make sure I'm happy without worrying about what he thinks and I don't want him to do that. It's sweet but I really try to let them know that I don't mind what we do and I just like hanging out with them. He's so sweet and our relationship is not like any other relationship I have. With all of my friends I'm the over protective parent like figure. I would drop anything for them, but I know some of them wouldn't do it back. With him, it feels like he would be the one to drop shit for me, and I would obviously do it back, but I don't have that. I think I have one friend who would do that and we joke about dating too much to actually ever date. I feel safe. I don't really have that with any other relationships with people my age. He's so different from my other friends. And I love it. But I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is how I'm supposed to feel, or if it's a different feeling and I'm just mistaken or anything. I don't know what to do in a relationship. I don't know how our relationship would be any different from us just being friends.

And I have no fucking clue if they even like me back. The only other people we have been in a call with is one of his VR homies (as I call it), and this girl we played with who they knew. He didn't seem to like her, or treat her like he treats me. BUT I DON'T KNOW. I feel so confused. I don't know how or what to feel. I know I felt jealous with the other girl being there (I haven't told him(or anyone besides my mother and Internet people) that I go by any/all pronouns and I don't think they would mind). I know he plays with me more than anyone else, most of the time he's online is when we are playing together. What does love feel like? Is this it? I'm ok with that. He is the only person I have imagined a future with. I have never seen myself with a future with anyone I have had a crush on. But I do with him.

And they are so different from all my other crushes. Looking back all of them were people I found cute and/or funny and I wanted to help and protect them. I didn't want to love them, I wanted to make them feel loved. Those are very different. All of my past crushes are people I've wanted to protect. Whenever we set up a time to play together I get excited. I don't get that with other people, I don't like social interaction. I look forward to playing with them. I want to be with them. I want to be around them. I trust them fully. I would put my life into their hands and not worry. (Not that I would put that pressure on a loved one) I can't say those things about anyone else. But I don't want to fuck shit up. If I say anything and they don't feel the same they could remove me from their life SO easily. We play VR together, he could just block me. I don't think he would, but he could, and I would bawl.

If anyone actually reads this, first off, what? Why? I mean thank you?? Idk, but if you did, and can, please give me any advice on what the fuck love feels like.

I don't..

I mean-

I'm confused. I don't know what to do, or what this is. But it feels right? I was thinking this entire week, "am I going to give up putting effort into this? Am I letting this person go?" I decided not to. I decided I'm trying this. Let's see how it goes. I don't know anything. I only know that I want to spend as much of my time with this person as possible. I don't want them to not be with me. That was a purposeful double negative.

I've always thought I would end up alone. All of my past crushes have been short and sweet, nothing happened, and I couldn't see myself with them forever. But I don't want to be alone. I don't want for it to just be me and my dogs. I want someone. And I don't need to be alone. I can end up happy. Right?

I don't know. Whether anything ends up happening with us, I am so grateful that I met them. Because of them I have felt safer realizing that I don't have to be cis because I don't want to confuse others, and I don't have to put a label on my sexuality. I can just like who I like. Ok I'm gonna wrap this up, they actually just messaged me asking if i want to play and ofc I do lol. If you read this, thanks. I needed someone to hear it.

[watatsumiis]

[🍓 anon]

first of all thank you so much for the in depth reply!! after reading your elaboration i actually think we're at least on very similar pages about her character, just approaching it from different directions! if you would be so gracious as to entertain a (hopefully brief edit: it was not brief) blorbo ramble about why i simultaneously near-completely agree with you and also love her so much:

so, in response to the following, bc this is something i agree pretty strongly with:

I think some of the ways this game handles really heavy topics seems to be almost... dismissive, at times. I understand that it's a game that's supposed to be marketed towards a broad audience and there are some concessions that need to be made to keep a smooth gameplay experience. This isn't a knock at the writers at all, just an observation. These huge events seem to happen in canon story and they seem to be dropped soon after apart from a few hints and side mentions, and I wish it was explored more?

basically, just... yeah. this whole paragraph. i have a friend that really hated the inazuma arc because of generational trauma they have with dictatorships and revolution, and how cheaply and shallowly Genshin seemed to present and then drop it, almost as if its goal was just to present opportunities to sell watered down "revolution flavored" characters (sorry if that sounds harsh, i don't mean to say it's bad or wrong, it's mostly just how the writing hit me-- the characters are really rich and full of personality as always, but it feels like the consequences of the labels they were assigned were...glossed over/forgotten about at best, and purposefully ignored and "woobified" at worst).

like the writers repeatedly bring up really really serious consequences, like how taking someone's vision seems to have extremely serious impacts on their mental health, almost akin to taking their entire motivation for life or a part of their soul (a different friend called it "inventing new war crimes"). or like how the whole of watatsumi island is unable to grow food or trade, so for them this war is a matter of survival and for Inazuma City it's a matter of....what, pride? there's no real driving force and there's a huuuuge disconnect between E!'s actual aspirations and what she's actually doing to her people because of it.

(there are other issues i have with the genshin worldbuilding in general too like.... i mean obviously there's a lot to complain about in sumeru, but also the quest with Dainsleif in the chasm was really upsetting for multiple of my friends as well)

so i guess my love for E! as a blorbo in spite of all this comes down to three main points:

1) i am immune to bad worldbuilding. i can see it just enough to acknowledge and deinternalize, but i mostly focus on smashing interpersonal relationships, feelings, personalities, and other character traits like aspirations and needs.

2) E! has a personality that i relate to a lot, and crucially, i don't see her as like, "just some sweet girl that missed her sister and didn't know what she was doing uwu"; my love for her is specifically the love that i dole out to my reformed villain blorbos. i love her as someone who fucked up HUGE time while she was in a bad place, got literally slapped/kicked/sworded back into facing reality, SAW what she'd done and went oh. shit. no more. no more of this. and she clearly doesn't quite get what she did wrong at first, beyond "people are telling me that my people are miserable-- is this truly an eternity worth preserving? i will consider and evaluate this feedback strategically and autistically and see if i can do better" and then like. she stews on it for a while, realizes she was wrong, and ends up literally in a battle to the death with a manifestation of her former ideals because she wants to do good and she wants to change and do something for her people for once. (the for once is the important part because she did not do anything good before that.) and it's not a lot and it can't ever possibly make up for the horrors she inflicted on her people up until now, but it means a lot to me personally to see someone do horrific things and then go "you know what this sucks. im in control of my own life and im going to choose kindness from here on out. it won't fix anything. but i can at least stop future suffering"

(i think it would really be fantastic if the canon gave us some more npcs that hate her or like otherwise blame her for ANYTHING because it seems like everyone in inazuma still blindly loves her?? not a huge fan of that, but it's pretty easy to picture a fanon where that's true)

... and finally 3) is basically just that I'm biased. she's got my mental illnesses so i went from drawing her with ... a very mean caption, at the start of the questline before I'd met her, to the same drawing with the caption scratched out, saying instead "nevermind i need her to be in the washer high spin for 100 hrs" to just loving her fully after her second quest because in my fanon projection version of her, the drive to change and understand her people better is the repentance and regret for me, because that's the most constructive form that regret can take-- though i would still have liked, y'know, a formal apology or something, but. yeah that's what fanon is for

(also, about her voicelines, some of them are not actually her but the Raiden Shogun, I'm not sure which of those her voiceline about Kokomi is (it very well may have been hers), so that's also very valid, my response to that is. basically just fanon again because it feels to me like the kind of thing that she'd change her mind about after her second story quest)

ok sorry for the huge wall of text but thank you for indulging my blorbo rant!!! i don't think anything in here is too harsh but if it is feel free to call me out on that, cause i tend to get a little Passionate about my character essays but i don't mean it in like, an "any opinion but this one sucks" way or anything!!

This has been sitting in my inbox for a hot minute awaiting a response that I just don't really have the spoons to give, but I really really enjoyed reading your take on this character and all the reasons why you like her, and I felt like it deserved to see the light of day because it's so well thought out and interesting!

[mr-geargrinder]

3d Printer Troubleshooting

Last week, I upgraded from a battered and overworked Mars 2 Pro to a shiny new Mars 5 Ultra, latest and greatest from Elegoo. Setup was a breeze. New software is great. There's a lot of things I like about this printer.... But it had problems on the first print. And the second. And every print after was a coin toss if everything would stay on the plate or even make it to the plate in the first place.

In hindsight, the answer was obvious all along. The clues were there, but my problem is that I went to some discord servers for 3d printing nerds looking for help. 3d printing nerds really know their shit, but they are so far down the rabbit hole that they are fussing over exposure tests and custom slicer software so hyperspecific that you can't talk to them about a basic problems. They're so desensitized to basic problems that it doesn't even occur to them that it might not be a highly technical problem or one of the common dummy problems like the settings just being wrong. And when you show up fresh to a server, they're just to default to assuming you're a dumb babby who just bought their first printer and didn't do your research.

I get that to some extent, but also being told to read the pinned list of tutorials or to download a dozen different calibration STLs and then print those and come back with results and then also post my settings and crosscheck my resin on the official resin settings spreadsheet is actually not helpful at all when the problem is that prints aren't even holding to the plate like they should be. As in, a fundamental problem that exists before any other problems can make themselves known.

And you know what the problem was all along? The build plate they shipped my machine with was warped. It has a slight bow in the center, right in prime "put your print right here on the plate" territory. The corners are pretty square to each other, so the auto-leveling feature sorts them out just fine, but the middle isn't making flat contact with the whole plate, which obviously messes up every print and the only solution is to overexpose that area so hard that it melts itself to the plate with as much extra resin as possible to fill that gap.

To Elegoo's credit, "check the build plate for abnormalities" was one of their first questions in response to my problem, with example pictures, no less. They also suggested the possibility that raising bottom layer exposure times might help, which it did, but they also made the call to check something so obvious that literally no one else had suggested I just get out a ruler and check the flatness of the plate... and that's such a crazy easy, quick, immediately understandable way to check for something that would absolutely be a problem for something that's going to consistently mess up everything else the machine is supposed to do.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say here. Maybe this is reflective of a more general idea not to over-complicate your problem solving and troubleshooting experience. The simplest stuff to check will often take the least amount of time. You can save yourself a lot of headache by checking that first, and if that's where your solution was the whole time, then you don't have to waste your time checking highly technical and specialized kinds of problems that completely gloss over the possible simple problems...

Like, did you remove all the protective plastic from every part? Did you remember to lock the build plate in place? Yeah, it's kind of condescending, but if you did forget to do those things, they'd reliably screw up everything far more than if your problem was that your exposure settings were .4 seconds to low for the exact brand of resin you bought or if the temperature in your room happened to be too high at the time.

Keep it simple. General to specific. Don't overthink it... and when someone else comes to you asking for help, do the same for them.

[blond3ang3l]

Heart attack

Chapter 1

"I'm sorry but I don't think this is gonna work out."

      Those are the words anyone would hate to hear. But Luna hated it way more than other people did. That's why he would cut them off before they could say it. She thought she would be used to hearing it by now. But disgust just grew more and more inside of her with just the word sorry. Always knowing that it was never true, they weren't ever sorry for the right reasons. But they're instead just sorry they got caught. Caught cheating, caught stealing from her, caught lying, hell even caught trying to get with Luna's own mother and twin brother.

      The guy in front of her now telling her the same thing that's she's heard over and over was shocked when she got up and got in his face. Her being 6'8 with her seven-inch heels on she obviously stood over her now ex-boyfriend. Just staring down at him causing him to gulp in nervousness, she was someone that you could never guess what they would do. They just stood there in complete silence for a minute until a slap rung in the air. His eyes widen in shock as she slapped him so hard that his head was turned the other way. Yoking him up by his collar so his feet was dangling in the air as her gloss covered lips turned into a snarl. "You think some sorry ass apology is going to fucking cut it Carlos, like be so deadass right now. You all up on some other bitch while I'm out here working my fucking ass off!"  She screamed at him as he squirmed to get out of her grip.

          A crowd surrounded watching all of this unfold in front of Tao and the rest of his school. Luna just wanted to get out of work and pick up her kid and they come out the school to see her now ex-boyfriend on top of her car kissing one of the substitutes.  The absolute nerve of him and then to give that sorry ass apology. "Mami let's go please, we'll just go home and burn his shit or something." Tao hid her face in embarrassment and grabbed the back of his mom's shirt. A groan left her as she dropped him onto the ground before turning her head to the substitute. Seeing Luna's glare, she jumped and quickly got off of her car. Tao sucked his teeth and got in the passenger side as Luna got on the drivers. Hearing the car turn on Carlos quickly shot up and started banging on the driver's side window. Luna rolled her eyes and rolled the window down. "The fuck do you want?" She questioned with a visible  look of absolute disgust on her face. "Luna baby, love of my life how am I supposed to get home you picked me up?!" His face turning red as he whispered to her. He was met with nothing but a shrug as she turned the radio up "Sounds like a you problem doesn't it nigga?". With the radio blasting Slut me out she quickly pulled off leaving Carlos stuck there pissed off.

      With a shared look they both ran inside the house and into his room. The first person there was Tao and she had everything already planned out in her head. Flipping over his mattress a shoe box was under it. "Just what I was hoping for." Quickly grabbing and opening it a smile grew on her face. Grabbing multiple stacks of money and waving in front of Luna . "Looks like stupid should have grabbed his shit before deciding to go out in public with his bitch." Tao said while she started counting the bills. Causing Luna to giggle as she patted her head "I've taught you well, haven't I? Now grab all of his clothes and throw that shit in the tub".

     They clasped their hands together and started going thru Carlos's drawers taking every single thing out dumping it onto the floor. Once the drawers were completely empty, they grabbed all of his clothes and went into the bathroom that was connected to the room throwing his stuff in the tub. Tao ran out but quickly came back with a bottle of bleach in hand. Standing next to Luna who started recording she dumped all of the bleach all over his clothing. Both of them laughing as his shit instantly became ruined.

[samstrugglingwithlife]

You Make Him Blush

Genre: Fluff

Characters: Oikawa, Kuroo and Akaashi

Warning: Swearing, sorry

A/N: Ya girl is finally posting. I mean it’s 5 am right now but hey! I did it. V, proud of myself (I should sleep but no). I hope you enjoy it. (It’s not edited, I skimmed over it but I may have missed some mistakes, so sorry about that!!)

OIKAWA

This fucker likes to play games with you. He makes you blush all the goddamn motherfucking time. He'll wink at you before making a killer serve, lift his shirt just enough during practice that you'd see his toned abs, he'll whisper ungodly shit in your ears when you're out in public. And honestly, you're super tired of feeling your cheeks heat up every time this guy so much as breathes in your direction.  

In the start of your relationship when the two of you were still a new couple you had witnessed him blush, but it was a mild flush out of nervousness. You always felt that you never made him as flustered as he made you.

So there you were, on a Saturday evening whining to your best friend that your boyfriend doesn't get nervous around you anymore and that the spark in your relationship was dwindling.

"I don't think that it's getting mundane, your relationship," your BFF started. "He's hella whipped for you, makes me gag."

"Then? How can he make me blush, but I can't even make him mildly flustered?" you asked, your shoulders slumping in a defeated manner. "Why do you even care about that?" 

You stare at your friend, "Because, he does it all the time! I wanna do it too! I wanna see him flustered!" you whine. "I wanna make him speechless!"

 "Oh so it's a game?" your friend asks you blankly. "Listen either help me or don't judge me."

That conversation was a week ago. Today was a rare date where you and Tooru would go out rather than him practising his serves in the gym and you watching him and feeding him snacks in between.

He waited for you outside your house. You paced in your room, checking yourself in the mirror anxiously. Was it too much? Will he laugh at you? Do you look stupid? A million thoughts were rushing through your head as you looked at your appearance in the mirror. With a nervous groan, you exit your room and make your way to the front door.

As soon as he hears the front door open, he turns around with a wide grin, "Finally! What took-" he is stunned as he lays his eyes on you, "you... so long..." his words dying in his throat.

You blink in shock as you witness a deep flush spreading across his cheeks. Your face also felt hot but with embarrassment. "Th-this wasn't a good idea!" you stutter. "I'm gonna go change!" you turn to leave, but you are yanked backwards by your wrist, falling against Tooru's strong chest. "You look great," he mumbles into your shoulder. "So so beautiful..."

You were surprised, you had no idea that wearing his turquoise jersey tucked into your jeans would have this much impact on your boyfriend.

The whole time during your date, Tooru kept stealing glances at you, and every time your eyes would meet, a dark blush would appear across his face. You wanted to grin and say that it serves him right! That it was your revenge. But you couldn't say a single word, your face equally as red as his.

Because the thing is, you never realised that a blushing, flustered Tooru was absolutely way too fucking adorable. 

KUROO

It's not that you never made him flustered or nervous. You were an absolute beauty, and everything you did was enough to bring him to his knees, but he hid it well. He'd hide it behind a facade of a confident tease; when that wouldn't work, he'd strategically turn his face away from you until the redness left his cheeks.

You were under the impression that he was way too suave and that you did not have that sort of power over him. Oooh! And boy, were you wrong!

It happened right before the match between Nekoma and Nohebi. You were hanging out with the team before they went out into the court and you went to the spectator's area. 

Kuroo's team bumped into the opposing team, and obviously, your boyfriend had to shit-talk the other team. You stood to the side rolling your eyes.

Your boyfriend took another jab at Daishou regarding his ex-girlfriend. Irked, the other team's captain attempted to tease him back by saying that Kuroo doesn't even have a girlfriend.

You raised your brow, stepped forward and looped your arm around your boyfriend's and smiled sweetly at Daishou, "Now, now. I'm very offended that you think that I don't exist."

Kuroo smirked as the other guy sputtered an apology towards you. You accepted his sorry. 

You realised that it was soon going to be time for you to find a seat, so you leaned up and placed a chaste kiss to the corner of his lips. You could literally see his head exploding as a deep red blush appeared on his face. 

You almost didn't hear both teams sputtering because your eyes were blinking at your boyfriend's current state.

Yaku and Kai dragged the Nekoma team away, while Nohebi left on their own, Daishou giving Kuroo a hateful glare as he left.

As soon as it was just the two of you, he buried his face in the crook between your neck and shoulder. His knees began to feel weak. He groaned, his voice muffled by your skin.

"Tetsu, are you okay?" you asked, confused. He only shook his head still buried in your neck. "I look so lame right now..." he mumbled into your skin. He felt the vibrations on your throat as you laughed and stroked his hair. "What? You think I think you're lame because you stopped functioning because of a simple kiss?" he nodded again. This caused you to laugh loudly this time.

He pulled back and glared at you weakly, his face still flushed red. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" he asked. You smiled and flicked his forehead, "Go out there and win, cool guy," you grin. He pouted but left after placing a quick kiss to your forehead, ready for his team to hoot for him teasingly.

As soon as he was out of sight, you placed a hand over your beating heart in your chest and took a deep breath. Did he have any clue what he does to you?

AKAASHI

Right. So I headcanon that this guy is not that difficult to fluster but he, just like Kuroo, tries his best to hide it afraid you'd think that he is unattractive.

It's a difficult task to control his face from getting red because everything you do is so cute he can't help it. One time he had to physically remove himself from your presence before you could see his neck turning red.

This one-time Bokuto found him in the storage room, face buried between all the volleyballs in the basket. He has never been more scared in his life than seeing his teammate, who is the epitome of calm, losing his shit because his S/O decided to be cute that day. 

You weren't unaware of the effect you had on him but you knew that he was embarrassed, whatever his reason was, so you never intentionally did anything that would fluster him.

So imagine your surprise when you suddenly come face to face with a new side of him.

The two of you were hanging out in a cafe, you guys were on a study date. Keiji was immersed in his textbook, his hand holding yours across the table. You noticed that his lips were slightly chapped, thinking that they would hurt if his skin stretches, you call out to him, "Keiji." He looks up from his book at you, "Hmm?" he hums.

Without thinking, you swipe your thumb across your lower lip, gathering up the gloss and then proceed to wipe it on his lips. He couldn't even get up and hide, his entire face flushes a deep red. He buries his face in his folded arms on the table with a loud thud. "K-Keiji?!" you call out startled. "Are you okay?"

"J-just give me a minute, I need to calm down," he says, face still buried in his arms. "Okay?" you sit back, confused, taking a sip from your drink.

After a while, he slowly looks up, his face still slightly flushed. "You good?" you ask. He nods weakly. "Sorry..." he apologises. "You must think I look stupid."

You wrinkle your brows in confusion, "What?"

"I mean, I probably look dumb with my face all red and ugly..."

"Keiji," you begin calmly. "You have this effect on me all the time, do you think I look stupid?" you ask.

"No!" he says quickly. "I think you look adorable."

You smile, "There you go! What makes you think that I don't think that you don’t look adorable?" He looks away, unable to answer. "Sweety, you need to stop overthinking about things like that. I love you no matter what."

He smiles weakly and laces his fingers with your fingers. He didn't say anything after that, but you could feel him relax. He felt giddy in his heart, you said you loved him. He didn't tell you yet but he will soon, in a way you deserve to hear it.

[bigskydreaming]

Headcanon that everyone within the family may think of Dick as the one most in their father’s favor, but Dick is keenly aware that the general public thinks of him as their father’s ‘Consolation Prize.’

After all, when from their perspective he’s the one Bruce raised since he was eight as his ward, with that dissolving when he was eighteen and very little perceived contact between the two of them for years after that, while Jason was adopted soon after being taken in and Dick was then later adopted years after Jason’s death, without any public fanfare.....

What does that look like other than Bruce ‘settling’ for the son who didn’t appear to be his first choice, just chronologically first, once he lost Jason but still needed/wanted an heir, as he was getting older and the general public still didn’t know yet how closely tied Tim was to the family or that it wouldn’t be long after this that Bruce adopted him too?

Now granted, you can definitely perceive the above as overly angsty and not the only way this situation was likely to be perceived outside the family, but my point is more that like.....nobody ever presumes that the general public are overly kind or generous in their views or assumptions about the Wayne family behavior. I just don’t buy that people assumed there was some optimistic explanation for the way things appeared here, or that people just went “oh its probably because the kid who grew up in that house the longest just doesn’t WANT to be adopted by the billionaire and have all the security that brings, and that’s also clearly why he lives in Bludhaven of all places and a shitty apartment building at that.”

I mean, no matter what WE the readers may know of Dick’s personal priorities and how little he cares about where he lives or that Bruce would have willingly paid for him to have a better place to live if he really wanted it, is that what people are most likely to assume, based on appearances?

Anyway, I’m just saying, I bet it bugs the crap out of Dick to hear his siblings casually refer to him as so obviously enjoying favored son status and being the clear apple of Bruce’s eye, as he’s like, cue internal monologue: gee, sure wish I was as confident of that back during the years he seemed to want nothing to do with me.

Like I’ve said before, I think Dick isn’t actually super insecure and his insecurities such as they are mostly revolve around how his family and friends perceive him, not the general public.....BUT I do think that with as high profile as the Waynes are, there’s no way that nobody picked up on how little contact Dick and Bruce had in the continuities where they literally went over a year without even speaking to each other....and like, felt free to draw their own conclusions.

 And I do think this is also part of why I default to thinking a lot of canon takes and headcanons tend to gloss over how shitty Gotham public could be in their views/treatment of Dick. Like just because Dick was basically trained from birth to be able to work a room and entertain people while in their direct presence, that didn’t actually make him ‘one of them’ in their eyes, and I reeeeeeaally don’t think you can actually underestimate the pettiness and jealousy one percenters feel when they see someone they inherently view as lesser than them - as they would’ve viewed both Dick and Jason due to their lower class births - like....’leap frogging’ over them into greater wealth via being taken in by Bruce. 

Like, idk, maybe it just comes from having been a scholarship kid who went to a richy rich private high school attended mostly by the children of senators and hotel-chain owners, lol, but like.......I can not for a second picture Gotham’s upper class actually LIKING Dick or being as charmed by him as they frequently are depicted as, just because Dick knows how to be charming and likable. Like they might play it that way when in public at a gala, for appearances or whatever....but the second he turned around they’d be badmouthing him at juuuuust a high enough volume to ensure he’d be able to HEAR them but not be able to call them on it without it looking like he went back and provoked a scene over something ‘nobody else around them heard them say’ or whatever. Just to make sure that no matter how well he came across in public social settings, he never ‘forgot his place’ or whatever or forgot that they were all too aware of it too.

And also also, it always kinda bemuses me that as much focus as the Court of Owls and Talons get in Dick’s narratives in canon and fic, that we’ve barely ever seen any examination of what the Court retroactively means for Dick’s years growing up around upper class Gothamites who likely included more than a few Court members.....like, we KNOW years later that like, all along there were these people who even without knowing who Batman and Robin were, like, knew Dick Grayson was their ‘Gray Son’ and intended to claim him as their weapon someday, and you can’t tell me that wouldn’t have factored into how they viewed and interacted with a child and teenage Dick Grayson as they attended many of the same social gatherings and functions. OR that Dick himself in the aftermath of the Court of Owls reveal, didn’t look back at his OWN childhood and reflect on how many creepy or uncomfortable encounters he had with various socialites that left him feeling decidedly skeeved out and not a fan of how they were looking at him or things they might have said to him, thinking themselves oh so clever for alluding to things he had no idea about......like, I imagine there had to be more than a few encounters from his younger years that always stuck with him, and after the Court of Owls revelation like....looked TOTALLY different to him, especially if he happened to know for sure that some of those very people were in fact Court members. BUT I DIGRESS.

All in all though it all circles back to the same thought for me.....people might have been polite to Dick’s face when he was growing up, but they most likely had plenty of shit to say the second his back was turned, and I doubt they were afraid to be overheard by him. Especially in his later years, once people noticed how distant he and Bruce seemed to be, and thus perceived that as meaning that nineteen year old Dick Grayson wasn’t as ‘protected’ by Bruce the way he was when he was younger.....meaning the people who were most jealous of Dick’s ‘catapulting’ up the social ladder and eager to knock him down a peg because of that, like....probably would have looked at the relative lack of contact between he and Bruce as far as anyone could publicly tell, and felt emboldened enough by that to up their snide whisper game with shit like gossipping about how oh, the Grayson boy may be back in Gotham again, but we all know he’s just poor Brucie’s consolation prize anyway, why, if he really cared all that much about the boy, he’d hardly have ever let him run off to Bludhaven of all places, without even making sure to staple the advantages and opportunities granted by the Wayne name to him the way he made sure to right off the bat with the younger one.....

So yeah. There’s my angsty musings on how Dick likely is perceived by Gotham public at large, and how his interactions with them - especially when NOT around Bruce and Jason and the rest of his family....probably very much does not match up with what they assume public perception of Dick is, given that in their eyes ‘everybody loves Dick Grayson,’ but in Dick’s experience ‘everybody may be charmed by Dick Grayson while he’s doing his best to be charming,’ but don’t mistake that for acceptance. Not when Gotham’s public are just as likely to dismiss him as the second choice Wayne heir and consolation prize to make themselves feel more important/elevated than him the second their own insecurities have them feeling intimidated by the wealth, power and prestige Dick does actually share in by virtue of being part of Bruce’s family.

[queenshelby]

A New Life

Part Two: The Hangover Date

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 1,510

Warning: None

It was about 10 o’clock in the morning after the party when you slowly crawled out of bed as you were woken up by a loud banging noise coming from the downstairs living room.

You were staying in the guest room of your brother’s house since Max had a sleepover there with his cousins so that Janine, Evelyn’s sister, could look after the children for the night. She always had been your brother’s go to babysitter and you’ve known her for many years as well.

‘Morning’ you said with a hasty voice as you walked into the kitchen, rubbing your eyes and staring out of the window. Clearly, you were hungover after having had too much alcohol to drink the night before.

‘Morning’ you heard from the small butler’s pantry and, whilst this voice wasn’t your brother’s voice, it sounded very familiar.

‘Jesus’ you eventually huffed out as, suddenly, Cillian appeared in front of you, holding a box of marshmallows.

‘One would have thought that your brother kept those on the top shelf, out of reach from the kids’ he chuckled just as you were looking at him rather stunned and embarrassed.

You were wearing one of your brother’s old t-shirts, black cotton panties and a pair of fluffy bed socks which Evelyn had lent you. Your hair was messy and the remains of your mascara was smudged beneath your eyes despite the fact that you had removed your make up the night before, before you went to bed, at least so you thought.

Cillian, on the other hand, clearly had been up for a while. He was wearing a black hooded jumper and blue jeans which, clearly, needed to be stitched up around the knee area. His hair was freshly washed and messy and he didn’t even have bags under his eyes despite the fact that he had left the pub just before you did.

But, what stood out to you, were his colourful purple striped socks which didn’t match his rather trendy outfit whatsoever.

‘Uhm, have you seen my son, Max?’ you eventually murmured concerned as it was clear to you that Evelyn’s sister had already left and, whilst you heard the shower going downstairs, you didn’t see anyone else around.

‘He is in the living room, having a hot chocolate. Apparently, I forgot the marshmallows though’ Cillian said with a warm smile and you followed him into the living room as he did.

‘Cill, shit, Max is lactose intolerant’ you panicked as you saw him sip on his blue sesame street cup.

‘I know. You mentioned it to me last night so I gave him soy milk’ Cillian then said and you were somewhat surprised that he had remembered your passing remark about your son’s intolerance to dairy.

‘Thank god, because this would have been one hell of a day’ you said relieved which is when Max told you that Cillian had made pancakes for him and his cousins too.

‘Oh wow, that’s lucky’ you said before thanking Cillian for making Max and his cousins some breakfast.

‘So, uhm, what are you doing here so early in the morning?’ you then asked, curious as to why he was at your brother’s house.

‘Early? It’s 10 o’clock’ Cillian then chuckled before telling you that Cian, Evelyn and him were going to see a mutual friend’s new art exhibition in Dublin at noon.

‘I knew Cian would be hungover, so I came over early to force him to get ready’ Cillian then explained and you couldn’t help but laugh before sitting down with Max. Cillian obviously knew your brother well and, once he started drinking, there was certainly no stopping him especially when it comes to beer.

***

It wasn’t long until Evelyn and Cian walked into the living room and, whilst Evelyn didn’t look much better than you, Cian had managed to have a shower and had gotten dressed.

‘I don’t think I am going to come with you guys. My head is pounding’ Evelyn said.

‘So, you rather hang out with my mother? Fine by me’ Cian laughed and, sure enough, it wasn’t long until the doorbell rang and Cian’s mother arrived in order to help with the kids.

‘Do you like modern art?’ Cillian then asked you.

‘It depends. Some I do, some I don’t’ you explained and that was when Cillian asked you whether you wanted to come along instead of Evelyn.

‘Dude, this could have been fun now that we ditched my wife and now you invite my sister along instead? Common’ Cian joked as you agreed reluctantly to tag along with them after Evelyn and Cian’s mother offered to watch Max for the remainder of the day.

‘I need to go home and get changed first though. I would have to meet you there’ you explained.

‘It’s pouring outside Y/N. I can drive you and wait, if you like. That way, you don’t have to walk and catch public transport. Surely, you won’t take more than 20 minutes to get ready, right?’ Cillian then offered.

‘That would be great, thank you. I think I can manage to get ready in 20 minutes’ you confirmed before quickly grabbing your stuff.

‘Are you coming man?’ Cillian then asked Cian as you were ready to leave.

‘Mate, just pick me up on the way into town. You have to come this way again anyway. I am still not feeling so flash’ Cian then said before asking you to grab some of Max’s sickie bags from your house for him to use in case he needed to vomit.

‘You better don’t throw up in my new car man’ Cillian then chuckled before following you out of the door.

***

When Cillian pulled up in front of your apartment five minutes later, you offered him to come inside and make him a cup of tea while he was waiting for you to get ready.

You desperately needed at least a quick shower and it felt rude to leave him sit in his car after he had just gone out of his way to drive you.

Cillian gladly accepted your offer and, just as he sat down in the living room and you handed him a cup of peppermint tea, he apologised to you for talking to Robert and forcing you on a date with him.

‘It’s not your fault Cillian. Cian already explained what happened and I appreciate that you tried to hook me up with the man you thought I might be interested in. The truth is, I am not. I am not interested in any sort of relationship at the moment and, whilst he is nice, he is also a little too young for me I think’ you said carefully, not knowing what Cillian’s relationship with Robert was like.

‘Too young? Isn’t he a year older than you?’ Cillian said before admitting to you that he had googled your name the night before after you met because he was curious.

‘You googled me? Okay, so you are well aware of all the bad press back home’ you said, thinking back about the bad things the papers back home had written about you following your recent break up with your ex-boyfriend who, clearly, wanted to make a name for himself.

‘I don’t tend to read gossip Y/N. Over the years I’ve learned that only half of the shit the papers say about someone is actually true’ Cillian said reassuringly, making you smile.

‘That is good to know. I wish everyone had this sort of mindset’ you said with a warm smile before looking at your watch.

‘I better get ready’ you then said, causing Cillian to nod.

***

You had quick shower and washed your hair which took five minutes at the most and, when you were done, you tippy toed through the living room into your bedroom, covered only by a white fluffy towel.

As you walked through the living room quickly, you could hear Cillian inhale sharply. He was clearly watching you and you certainly didn’t mind.

But the fact that he did watch you bothered him. In the back of his mind, he knew that he should look away. You were his best friend’s sister and much younger than him.

Eventually, after another five minutes, you emerged from your bedroom wearing black jeans and a grey jumper. You put your semi wet hair into a bun and applied some mascara and lip gloss.

‘Is this alright, you think?’ you asked, seeking some reassurance from Cillian.

‘You look nice’ he then said almost shyly before you both headed off and picked up Cian.

But, little did you know that Cian wasn’t the only person who you were picking up on your way to the gallery.

Cillian also made a small detour to collect Laura who, when she saw you sitting in Cillian’s car, was rather surprised and also a little annoyed.

Whilst it was not clear to you last night, you realised now, that Cillian was Cian’s friend who she had her eyes on and this was meant to be a double date which you had ultimately just crashed.

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[fandomfix13]

Should've Been You - JJ Maybank X Reader

Should’ve Been You - JJ Maybank X Reader

Y/N finds herself in a rough situation with Rafe and JJ steps in and makes Y/N realize it should’ve been JJ all along

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Slight violence in relationships, Lots of swearing, underage drinking (pls be safe!), Some pretty cute fluff

FIRST THING I'M POSTING SO GO EASY ON ME! I'M WORKING ON REQUESTS AS WE SPEAK!

XOXO

_____________________________________________________________

You sat in the kitchen with Sarah and John B while you waited for Rafe to finish getting ready. It had been 45 minutes since you had first sat down with them, and Rafe still seemed to be taking his sweet ass time.

“Jesus, I thought I took forever to get ready.” Sarah huffed as she sat back and entangled herself in John B’s arms. You loved how comfortable and cute they were with each other. It had been a long time since you felt that way with Rafe. It’s not that you were necessarily uncomfortable with Rafe, but things didn’t feel the same as they used too. “Guys thanks for waiting with me, but you guys should really get going, I don’t want us to make you late.” you said as you saw the time. “Are you sure? We can wait, I'm sure he’ll be done soon.” Sarah said.

You shot John B a look that said ‘go’ without having to say it. “Yeah, Sarah she's right we really should get going.” he says as he takes her hand to stand up. You mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ to John B and he nodded in return as you walked toward the couch. As the two of them walked out the door, John B slipped back in telling Sarah he ‘forgot something’.

“Hey are you gonna be okay?” He said walking over to you on the couch. “Yeah! Why wouldn’t I be?” you said in a tone that was too rushed and sounded nervous. “Because I’ve known you since you were six years old and that look that you gave me was your ‘get the hell out’ look” he laughed. “I don’t have a ‘get the hell out’ look!” you mocked him. “Oh you absolutely do and you gave it to me. Is everything okay? With you and Rafe?” He knew you too well, there was no hiding anything from him. “Yeah. He’s just….being Rafe.” you shrugged not feeling the need to go into detail. “Y/n?” he said sitting down next to you. “John B?” you returned not giving him the satisfaction of knowing what's on your mind. “You’re not gonna budge are you?” he said, looking right at you. “Not even a little.You really need to get going. You wouldn’t want to miss you and Sarah’s big entrance would you?” You said walking toward the door with John B following close behind you, you turned around to see John B giving you his ‘tell me what’s going on’ look. You opened the door once again telling him to leave. This time he had accepted his fate and walked out the door. “If you need anything, we’re all gonna be there tonight. Okay?” he quickly added. “Okaaayy.” you sighed, “now go!”

You closed the door and started walking back to the couch when you heard the sound of Rafe’s bedroom door open. As he came down the stairs you noticed something wasn’t right which in the moment you chose to ignore. That was until he came up from behind you in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around you and started kissing your neck. You didn’t mind that kind of attention but this wasn’t like him. You could smell the alcohol on his breath and as you turned to confront him about it you saw his eyes. They were glossed over and dilated. His hands were shaking on your waist and there was residue of white powder under his nose. “Next time? You might want to look in fucking mirror after you snort coke off your bathroom counter.” You said with the calmest tone you could possibly have at the moment.

He rolled his eyes at you and turned around walking towards the door to leave. “Rafe we talked about this!” you yelled after him “No! YOU talked about this. I just sat there while you ran your mouth as usual!” He stopped in his tracks to turn around and yell right back. “You know how important tonight is! Could you not even have the decency to show up sober and get fucked up later?!” You hated when he got like this. So messed up that he was an asshole to everyone and anyone is his presence including you. “Tonight is important for my DAD! It’s not important to me! He probably doesn’t even want me there! Sarah’s there, that's all he cares about. So sue me for wanting to show up already gone.” part of you felt bad for him in a way. It hurt to see him struggle, but it also hurt to fight him on it. “Rafe we need to go. We are going to miss our entrance which is just going to piss your dad off more.” you tried to be calm. “Oh right, our entrance! Yeah I’m sure that everyone is going to be so thrilled to see me walk in with a fucking pogue!” he said in such a demeaning tone that you hadn’t heard before. You were taken aback by the words that just came out of his mouth. You always had a thought in the back of your mind that Raph didn’t like that you hung around with the pogues, but you never expected him to really say it. “Wow. Okay. Um. I’m not doing this with you right now. We have a party to get to.” You say making your way to walk past him and out the door. He tried to stop you by reaching out for your arm but you quickly pulled away. “Y/n wait.” “Don’t fucking touch me right now. We need to leave.”

-

As you arrived at the event you plastered on the biggest smile you could as you held Rafe’s hand and walked in greeting all the guests that approached the two of you. Old teachers, business owners and their plastic wives, old friends. All people that you truly did not care too see. You looked around the crowded room for any one of your friends to appear to provide you with a sense of normalcy. You spotted Kie standing with her parents also shaking hands with people she clearly had no interest in seeing. JJ was waiting for the guests. Pope was helping his dad with the food. John B and Sarah were outside secluding themselves from the socialite society that was this room, and you were standing hand in hand with Rafe who just 15 minutes ago was throwing insults at you.

You walked outside to John B and Sarah who were talking about how ridiculous some of the guests look in their outfits. “Hey if you two get to hide out here, so do I” You say approaching them from behind. “Trouble in paradise?” John B said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “Just needed some air. The overwhelming smell of chanel number five and expensive champagne was starting to give me a headache.” You said only slightly joking. You all shared a laugh and you made your over to stand with your friends. “Drinks?” Sarah asked. You and John B both nodded without hesitation. “I’ll be right back” she said as she walked off the porch. “So.” John B said slowly turning his head towards you. “So.” you replied. “What are you really doing out here?” he said knowing that the excuse you gave was only half true. “Rafe just said some shit to me about being a pogue before we left.” you admitted. “I’m sorry, are you surprised?” he said with an attitude. “John B please don't be an asshole right now.” “Alright, okay I’m sorry. He didn’t... hurt you did he?” he said with concern in his voice. “No. He wouldn’t. He can be a dick I’ll admit, but he wouldn’t hurt me.” As you said this Sarah approached the two of you once again holding three beers. You sit there just the three of you, for a good 15 minutes before you thought you should probably go find Rafe. Not that he wanted to be seen with a pogue, but you should at least pretend like you weren’t beyond pissed at him.

As you walked through the crowded room saying your ‘hello’s’ here and there you realized Rafe was nowhere to be found. Your first thought was maybe he left. But then you realized that he wouldn’t leave a party that had so much alcohol and access to expensive drugs. You walked past JJ who was carrying a tray of champagne. “Hey J, have you seen Rafe?” you said following in his trail of champagne drop offs. “I try to never see him at all, so no I have not.” he said in his usual smart ass tone. “Ok. What about Topper?” he laughed “Considering I put a gun to his head I absolutely make it a point to not see him either.” you opened your mouth to speak again and he cut you off “Don’t ask about Kelce either. I haven’t seen them around anywhere. My guess is that they are in the bathroom making bets on who goes home with the hottest girl tonight.” You rolled your eyes at him and walked to the hallway where the bathrooms were. It was empty. While there was nobody in sight, you could hear the boys in the locker room.

Just as you decided to walk away, Topper stumbled out of the locker room. To say you were surprised to see him obviously fucked up would be a lie. You tried to quickly walk the other way so he wouldn’t see you, but you weren’t fast enough. “Were you stalking us Y/n?” Slurred Topper. God they sucked when they got like this. “Stalking you? Please. I have better things to do than stalk you. I was just looking for Rafe.” you said trying to ignore Topper’s attitude. “Rafe! Your pogue princess is out here lurking in the hallway waiting for you!” he yelled back into the locker room. You rolled your eyes at Topper’s label he put on you and waited for Rafe to come out of the locker room. He appeared almost instantly looking even worse than he did before. He was sweating, from the amount of alcohol in his system, and his eyes were beyond bloodshot.

“Jesus Rafe you look like shit. I left you for 15 fucking minutes! You look like you just went on a 3 day bender.” you spat out at him as he walked towards you. “And what are you gonna do about it?” He said cornering you. “I’m going home.” you said as you brushed past him. He grabbed your hand, harder than he tried to back at the house. “Oh come on Y/n, I’m just having a little fun. Don’t you wanna have fun?” he pulled you close to him whispering in your ear as he talked. “Fun? No. This isn’t fun. YOU aren’t fun when you’re like this.” you said trying to escape the tight grip he had on you. “Let go Rafe.” you said calmly. He started backing you up into the corner again, this time with a look in his eyes that you had never seen before. “You don’t want to have fun with me?” He said as he started to kiss your neck. “Rafe. Stop. We aren’t doing this here.” your voice was shaky. The way Rafe was acting was scary. All you could think about was all the warnings your friends tried to give you that you just ignored. Rafe was still nipping at your neck while running his hands through your hair. “Rafe get off. Im serious.” You said a little louder this time hoping that someone would hear. You could tell where this was going and you weren’t about to let that happen. “Rafe!” you yelled this time attempting to shove him off of you. As you started to shove, Rafe was pulled off of you. JJ.

“She said get off asshole!” JJ yelled as he swung at Rafe’s face. Great just what you needed. A scene at the biggest most formal party of the year. Rafe was not one to be messed with especially in the state he was in. Then again, neither was JJ. “JJ! Don’t!” you yelled really not wanting to see either one of them get hurt. Rafe swung back at JJ, and he swung hard. Fists were flying all over the place. JJ’s nose was bleeding, Rafe’s eye was swollen, but they just kept going. You knew that you should honestly just let them hash it out, but if you let them continue, one of them was really going to hurt. Plus, knowing JJ, he could’ve had the gun with him. “Guys! Stop! Please don’t do this!” as you stepped in in attempts to break up the fight, you felt Rafe’s elbow come in direct contact with your eye. “Holy shit! Y/n I didn’t-” rafe stopped as he was cut off by another punch to the jaw from JJ. “Do you feel like a big boy! Do you feel good now that you just gave her a black eye?! Fuck you bro! Fuck-” “JJ! STOP! I’m fine really. I swear just stop.” you yelled interjecting once again. The rage in JJ’s eyes was something you’d only seen in movies. “Jj look at me.” you tried getting him to look at you so you could break him out of the state of aggression he was in. Rafe stood back in shock that he really just hit you. It may have been an accident, but it wasn’t something that you were going to forget. JJ was right, you were most definitely going to have a black eye. “Jj.” you grabbed his hand and he directed his attention towards you as you pulled him away from Rafe.

“Y/n I really-” Rafe began as you turned around and got in his face cutting him off almost instantly. “No. You don’t get to talk to me anymore. If you would’ve just backed off when I told you too we wouldn’t be in this situation at all. You’re dangerous, and I cant do this anymore. We’re done Rafe. I’m done!” You said almost crying. You were so overwhelmed by what had just happened that your emotions were about to explode. “I’m dangerous? How about your little pogue friend over there? Huh? He put a gun to Topper’s head!” he shot back. JJ looked as if he could’ve thrown another punch at Rafe at any minute. “Well my ‘little pogue friend’ didn’t just punch me in the face did he?! You did. You got so fucked up that you couldn’t even chill out for 1 second! JJ put a gun to Topper’s head because if he didn’t you were going to let Topper drown John B. So yeah, you’re dangerous.” this time you were angry. As all the emotions ran through your body, there was no control over which ones were going to appear.

“Alright, fine! If you wanna be a bitch about this, be a bitch. I should’ve known better than to fuck around with a pogue.” he said is one of the most arrogant tones you had ever heard. You got as close as you could to Rafe so he could see the tears pooling in your eyes. You don’t know where it came from, but you raised your hand and slapped him across the face as hard as you could. JJ instantly came up from behind you and grabbed you by your waist as he pulled you back in fear that Rafe would swing for you on purpose this time. “Don’t you EVER call me a bitch EVER again, or I swear to god next time a gun is pulled on you, the trigger will be too!” you spat at him. You honestly don’t know where those words came from, but the thing that scared you is that you meant it. “Is that a threat?” Rafe said quietly as he stepped toward you. JJ pulled you back and told Rafe to back up while he whispered to you to relax. “You bet your ass it is.” JJ started walking the two of you away from Rafe as Rafe decided to speak up once again. “You’re fucking crazy!” he yelled down the hallway at you. You laughed with tears now streaming down your face. You turned around and looked him dead in the eyes. “And who’s fault do you think that is?” with that you and JJ walked out of the hallway and outside the nearest door you could find. You needed air, and you needed it fast.

-

JJ opened the closest door to outside that he could find and the second the cool outside air hit you, you fell to the ground and broke out into uncontrolled sobs. You always had a feeling that Rafe would end up breaking things off with the two of you but you never thought it would go down like that. JJ just stood there eyes wide. He had seen you upset before, but he had never seen you like this. You were broken. You sat there in the sand sobbing and mumbling a string of ‘oh my gods’ and ‘whys’ and you couldn’t stop. JJ kneeled down and just pulled you to his chest just holding you. He didn’t say a word, he just let you cry. The way he held you calmed you down little by little so you could at least catch your breath again. You looked up at him and gave him a little smile as he grabbed your face and you winced at the feeling of his finger resting underneath your swollen eye. “You need ice on this ASAP. I’m going to go get you some.” he said, sounding concerned as he stood up again. You nodded as he walked off but yelled out before he went inside “JJ. wait!” He stopped in his tracks and looked back at you. “If you see the others in there, please don’t say anything!” you cried. You didn’t need everyone knowing about this right now. If they knew now, they would cause a scene and ruin the night. You were going to tell them you just needed to process what the hell just happened. He nodded and went inside.

As you sat outside by yourself who just tried your hardest to breathe. Your heart was racing and you just needed to slow it down. You laid down in the sand and looked up at the stars and looked for the north star because you remembered Sarah saying “everything revolves around it” and that brought you a sense of comfort. Just as you found it JJ came back outside with ice for your eye. You sat back up and looked out at the water as he sat down next to you. He put his arm around you as you rested your head on his shoulder. The tears were still flowing but you weren’t crying anymore. The two of you sat in silence sighing back and forth. “I’m sorry for not stepping in sooner.” he said looking straight ahead. “Don’t be sorry. I’m just thankful you did.” you returned reliving the moment with Rafe in your head. His kisses on your neck were getting more aggressive, he was pulling your hair, his hands were wandering off to places that you didn’t want them to go. You started to cry again. “I was so scared JJ.” you buried your face in his shoulder once again letting small sobs out that you tried to hold back. “Shhh. I know. I know. It’s okay.” he was holding you again, his hand rubbing circles on your back. “He’s such an asshole! I feel like such an idiot! You all warned me about him! You all told me how awful he was and I just thought maybe you were wrong! I didn’t listen and I should’ve!” JJ shook his head and looked you in the eye “Hey stop. We knew he’s an asshole, that's a given, but the way he treated you tonight isn’t okay. It’s not your fault and you need to know that.” your head fell back to his shoulder and he laid his head on yours just before gently kissing your forehead.

You both just sat there in silence once again so you could catch your breath. “You know, you got pretty badass in there. That thing you said about pulling the trigger was intense.” JJ chuckled. You laughed a little at the thought of JJ thinking you were a badass. “The scary thing is, is I think I meant it.” you looked up at him. “Oh I know you meant it.” you both laughed. “You deserve better than him.” You looked up at him and slightly smiled at his comment. “I mean it. You deserve so much better. You have a lot to offer and people who can’t see that don’t deserve you.” something about this moment was different. As much as you loved JJ, you could both admit that he never said things that nice to anybody. “Thank you.” you said, smiling at him. He just nodded and looked back out at the water. “I’m sorry about all the shit I said about you and Rafe when you were with him. I should’ve just let you be happy, and for that I’m sorry.” He said, still looking out at the water. “It’s okay.” you said in awe that JJ maybank was actually apologizing for something. “No it’s not, I should have just supported you, but instead I just ran my mouth because in all honesty I was just jealous.” he rambled. “What?” you questioned. He was now looking away from you off in the distance. “I couldn’t stand seeing you with him. All I could think about was how much I wanted it to be me. Which is ridiculous and not a good reason to make you feel bad.” your heart started beating fast again, but this time in a good way. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” you got no response. “JJ please look at me.” he looked at you and you noticed his eyes were pooled with tears. “What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey you shouldn’t be with him because you should be with me?’ I couldn’t say anything because I love you. And if I said that to you I would lose you. And that would hurt much worse than holding it in.” you looked at him in a way that you hadn’t looked at him before. He had never been this open with you about anything. There was a moment of silence before you did something you did not expect to do. You reached up and placed your hand on his cheek as you leaned in and kissed him. It was slow and sweet. It was nice. You opened your eyes to see his eyes on yours right as he kissed you back, placing his hand on the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him. “It always should’ve been you.” You said before you sealed the moment with another kiss.