#and now you can't differentiate between what actually happened and what was just a dream

[brucie-baby]

anyways my personal interpretation of the end of utrh is that jason let the batarang hit his throat and then the bomb killed all three of them - jason, bruce, and the joker. also bruce did Not 'slice jason's throat and leave him to die'. he very clearly did not want jason to die. he would not have just left him there.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Ok based on your most recent post (I am obsessed I love it sm-). I honestly think that once Delta wakes up to see them with him again he'd probably freak out a little bit, and have no idea if this is reality or another nightmare. But once he is able to figure it out, they might be upset and ask Color and Epic questions about the subjects of their nightmares (ex; about the jar one, he might ask why they couldn't hear them and why didn't they bother to look in the jars) and might completely get confused with reality.

I also think that because they had dissociated for so long (probably spanning days or weeks before they came back to reality), he would have gone completely nonverbal and would have switched to sign language (the silence also most likely made them incredibly paranoid - too paranoid to break it by speaking. So, in order to keep the quiet, they silenced themselves and haven't spoken in a good long while), furthering their dissociation and PTSD spiral.

Now of course this would concern Epic and Color, and they'd likely have to explain that the nightmares weren't reality, but would also have to try to get him to explain what the hell had happened during the time they were both gone, and why he hadn't called them for help once they're able to talk in the morning.

(But since you mentioned how they'd probably help Delta fall asleep, I can't help but wonder how they'd react if Delta woke up from a bad nightmare about them, and how the talk in the morning would go?)

I love this addition, it makes complete sense. And now that we’re on the topic about this type of thing, I actually feel like it’d be easier for Color and Epic to understand these things more than it seems.

For Color, it’s due to his relationship with Killer. We all know Killer is a dissociative character who cannot often tell what is and is not real anymore, he spends most of his time dissociating—as opposed to Delta and Beta’s episodes of intense dissociative episodes due to events in their lives.

I’m sure that Color has had to help Killer differentiate between dream, memory, and reality many times before, even if it’s as something as simple as having to lightly touch Killer’s shoulder when walking past—otherwise Killer would probably just assume he’s dreaming or it isn’t real.

On the other hand, if I remember correctly, Epic has very vivid and distressing nightmares where he has to constantly fight against creatures/a creature every night due to his magical eye thing. And as a result he learns actual fighting experience from this, but he also often wakes up in pain and panicking. His nightmares are legitimately traumatizing for him.

So I’m assuming Epic would avoid sleep as much as possible, especially in a case such as this, where a beloved friend needs sleep and can’t afford being woken up by his nightmares.

So I’m assuming that once Delta first wakes up in the middle of the night, Epic would actually already be up. He probably was surprised and taken aback by Delta’s panicking, but is quick to try and calm the two of them down.

And when Delta starts using ASL, looking unnerved at any noise made, is when Epic realizes that it was worse than he and Color had thought. And maybe he considers waking Color up, because Color has always been better with words and calming people down between the three of them, but Delta frantically shakes his head ‘no.’

Epic doesn’t argue against this, although he knows Delta is likely doing this because he doesn’t want to worry Color and be perceived as ‘weak,’ doesn’t want to disturb Color’s rest. So instead Epic, Delta, and Beta wander off into the kitchen for some late night milk and cookies.

Epic asks if they’re ready to talk about it, to which they shake their head no. Epic again doesn’t argue, instead settles on to the couch with them to watch some random tv series. He pretends not to notice how Delta keeps staring at him instead of the show, squeezing Epic’s arm tightly.

By the time morning comes around and Color is waking up, Delta and Beta have still not spoken verbally and haven’t slept. Neither has Epic—which only inevitably concerns Color even more, which only increases when Delta suddenly starts rapidly singing at him once spotted.

Color asks him to slow down as he approaches, he didn’t catch that, Epic turning down the volume on the show and turning to face the others more directly. Once Color is seated, he asks Delta to repeat what he said, more slowly this time.

Why didn’t you two hear us? Why didn’t you open it? Why didn’t you look? Why did you leave? We were screaming.

And Epic and Color share a look, confused, before Color begins prompting them to explain with more questions. Look where? Open what? Leave where?

Gradually, they begin to piece together what happened—often Delta and Beta have to pause when they start dissociating again or get too choked up, Color asks Epic to get them a glass of water at some point, but stops when they start panicking again at the question (don’t leave)—and the whole time Delta’s hands are gripping on to his friends so tightly it almost hurts.

I can see them letting Delta and Beta cry it out and calm down enough before Color starts to explain, helps them piece together what was dream and what was memory, versus what actually happened.

I can see Epic trying to make them laugh using his usual humor and memes, because he can see that their paranoia about the silence is making them cautious to speak and furthering their dissociation. Which of course makes it harder for them to fully process what was happening and what is happening.

I think, once they realized what was happening, Delta and Beta might actually feel ashamed, guilty, and/or embarrassed about how they reacted to something that “didn’t even happen.” Delta probably feels guilty, assuming it means that some part of him thinks of Epic and Color as the type of people who’d do that to them.

To which they’d have to reassure him that, no, it was out of his control and doesn’t make him a bad friend or a bad person for having nightmares and feeling abandoned.

I can also see, if either Delta or Beta realizes what happened before the other did, they will attempt to help comfort and ground the other too; such as Beta petting the body’s hand, or hugging themselves due to not being able to physically hug each other. Talking out loud to soothe each other, reminding the other that not only does Epic and Color still love them, but they love each other, too.

[scumtrout]

Just found myself thinking, 'last night I dreamt I couldn't get to sleep,' and this was followed by, 'isn't it more likely that you actually couldn't get to sleep?', followed by, 'no, because when I can't fall asleep, I can vividly recall the experience afterwards, so it's distinct from a dream.'

So now I suspect that what actually happened was that most of the parts of my conscious mind that are meant to power down for the night did power down as planned, except for one part, which was irritably twiddling its thumbs by itself for a while. Still, to muddy the waters further, I do have childhood memories of being unable to sleep, so my brain can always replay those memories for some fucked up reason that I, the conscious part, cannot fully grok.

I could probably have an existential crisis over the possible difficulty of differentiating between a dream and a memory, but I would prefer not to. In an alternate universe, I am a neurologist writing a paper to the effect of, 'In N number of cases it was reported that dreams have a VIBE, whereas memories have a certain quality we have termed 'FLIPSICLE'.'

[susansontag]

i feel like the whole concept of cultural appropriation has derailed tbh i remember it used to be more about how westerners/white people consistently take traditional aspects from other cultures and refuse to acknowledge where they come from, and then it gets popular and becomes just a vapid trend. a good example is that one time marc jacobs got a bunch of white models on the runway wearing bantu knots and then people strated calling them "mini buns", which is just really ignorant and disrespectful. but now, like with everything that liberalism touches, it became about individual actions, like you can't buy a dream catcher from a native artisan who survives on those sales or wear a kimono while in japan when it would be considered appropriate. same thing with braids. they don't look good on white hair, don't last and serve no purpose on it, bc it was made specifically to protect black hair. but like if a white lady wants to do it, let her figure that out on her own lmao i feel like calling people names over it really just takes money away from black stylists

i do think people need to be conscious of what they're doing and who they're harming though, and wearing traditional garments to festivals and halloween is fucked up and often racist, but i also think we need to acknowledge that companies selling, heavily marketing and creating demand for that are also to blame

yeah, I think it really depends on the context and what's actually being worn. I think a lot of people forget that cultural exchange of garments has always happened to a certain extent too. another good japanese example is the sailor fuku uniform that was based on european naval attire lol. honestly I think people who think about it for more than two minutes can pretty successfully differentiate between what's appropriate and what's not, it's people who think in terms of black/white absolutes (usually because they don't understand why something is deemed bad in the first place, they've just heard that it is) who end up coming out with takes like: wearing anything created outside your own culture is bad, actually

[alpimerealmsystem]

Hello! Cordelia here, currently both hosts are tired so I'm fronting for a while but I'd be happy to answer these questions!

For us realizing we were a part of a system was a matter of realizing we'd described it in perfect detail as a child and a friend did help us out. When we were around 10 our original host told her friends about her alters, called them sides, but also said they could take control of her and block her memories. Now years later we were talking to a friend about mental illness and our experiences and well they mentioned plurality. We decided to look into it and all of our experiences made sense. (No, this isn't what happens for everyone, but this was what happened for us.)

For us new alters pop out of the abyss basically. I'm not going to bring fragments into this but for fully formed alters for us they sometimes have a name and such so it's really a matter of just talking to them enough to know about them and if they need a name we can help with that. (But some literally just have a name. Last night we had a dream about an alter and then he popped up this morning, his name is literally based off of the dream, Icicle)

Memory gaps happen for a lot of systems due to an alter fronting at a certain time and then they hold the memories of the front but if we don't know who was fronting then we can't exactly find the memories if that makes sense? Also, general amnesia and dissociation.

Not everyone has a headspace, not everyone's headspace changes, not everyone's is simple or complex, but I can talk about ours. Ours is an entire universe called Alpime. Alpime is made out of floating islands of sorts and for us we connect this to a deep connection and love for magic growing up so that's sorta how our headspace formed that way. It does change sometimes, and we have a lot of NPCS (others that brains sometimes make to fill in a world but they're not alters, they can't front of anything like that) but for us our headspace is our own safe place and it's easier for us to differentiate alters there and things like that.

Just because we can hear them doesn't mean that they're voice is distinct, their personality may be muddled in a way, stuff like that. Especially for us, with our hosts they're really similar but even if they weren't our switches happen really fast and it's hard to notice so we have to think for a second and determine who's fronting, talking, co-concious, stuff like that.

Again like the previous answer, sometimes alters can front at the same time, sometimes they're similar, sometimes someone's co-concious and thinking but whoever is fronting it may take a moment to realize "Oh, they're co-concious" instead of it actually being them.

We share a brain and well that's my best explanation. It's hard to fully expect for everyone to be completely different (although some systems do experience that)

No, they can be co-concious, simply be seen in the inner world, called upon, things like that. And by fading I think you mean dormancy.

The brain can decide "Oh, we don't need this alter anymore right now." And just cause them to go dormant, maybe something stressful happened and they go dormant by choice, or simply maybe they just go dormant due to over-stressed or any event that happens.

If an alter is a trauma holder for us that means they simply have the memories of certain trauma and hold those memories of that trauma. For some systems, memories can be passed around between alters (the brain works in funny ways) so if an alter is formed after trauma maybe the brain passed those memories to that alter because it thinks they're better fitting to deal with it.

If they're a specific character or person it could be appearance, personality, emotions, really anything like that. We have plenty of factives who don't exactly match their source, whether that's appearance or personality. So maybe an alter looks like a character but doesn't act like them, or vice versa. It depends on the system, when they split, why they split, and so many other things.

Like the previous answer, it really depends. If the brain doesn't know everything about someone or something though maybe they just won't have the exact knowledge or anything like that.

The Questions or Confusions I Have About DID and Systems:

And I don’t mean for any of these to come out rude or accusingly, I’m genuinely curious to how this all works

How do you realize you’re part of a system

How do you figure out who the new alters are

Why do the memory gaps happen

Just in general…how does the headspace work

If you can hear the people in your headspace, why isn’t it always easy to figure out who the alters are

Why does it sometimes take awhile to realize someone else was fronting

Why do alters relate on hyperfixations

Does someone have to front at least a certain amount of times or for so long to avoid fading

Why do some alters fade

How can alters that form after trauma be trauma holders, or in general what makes a specific alter a trauma holder

If an alter is a specific character or person why don’t their personalities always match to that person

Also if an alter is a specific person why wouldn’t they have the same knowledge or experience of that person - overall, what aspects of a person carry over to an alter for that alter to be considered that person?

[eilishsings]

PROMISES. || p.p x f! reader.

SUMMARY: despite being from different realities, you and peter parker have so much in common.

WARNINGS: NWH SPOILERS, +16, explict smut, cockwarming, blood, angst, fluff.

NOTES: remember, english it is not my first language, so spelling mistakes will be made here, feel free to correct me. send me your thoughts <3

You don't understand how you ended up in this place. It happened so suddenly that for an instant you believed faithfully that you were in a dream, a very strange dream. After spending the night checking the streets and ensuring the safety of the people in your neighborhood, you walked to the alley where you always left your backpack with your casual clothes inside, but to your surprise you found something else.

Next to the dumpster was a circle with sparks in the air, showing two other people within it who were waving and apparently calling out you. You slowly approached, unsure, but prepared to fight back if they attacked you. Their faces changed to disbelief as you crossed the circle and appeared in front of them, dodging an object that was thrown in your direction.

"I'm a nice woman." You clarify, shedding your mask to reveal yourself.

"A woman?" Michelle frowned.

"Is there a problem?" You asked, confused.

"Oh, no. No problem, it just so happens that we were expecting to see someone else. A man, actually." She explained herself, but to no avail, her head remained in confusion.

"Oh, so the spell can't differentiate between people's sex?" Ned questioned. "How interesting to know that there is a female version of spider-man."

"Actually, i prefer to be called a spider-woman." You corrected him, watching the girl cross her arms and look at you suspiciously.

"Prove that you are a spider." She demanded.

You laughed. "I can prove it, but I'm not a spider, I just have the powers of a spider."

"That was clever, certainly something Peter would say." Ned punctuated, making her roll her eyes. "If you really want to prove it, do something only you can do."

You paused thoughtfully and looked around, it was an ordinary house, humble and similar to the one you lived in. Noticing the table beside you, you held it with one hand and lifted it in the air, managing to balance the things on top of it without seeming to struggle. Ned looked surprised, his mouth agape, it was a heavy table that not even he could drag, just as the lady looked at him in amazement from across the hall.

"Convinced?" You asked, standing upright again.

"Ned, do that spell again, but now saying we want to find Peter, not the spider man."

"Spell? Are you dealing with magic?" You asked curiously, receiving as an answer her index finger raised in the air asking for silence.

Ned sighed, closing his eyes to concentrate and moving his hand in a circular gesture. "Let me find Peter Parker." He repeated, sounding like a mantra.

You were about to ask what he was trying to do, because it seemed like it was far from working, but suddenly the same sparking circle you had passed through appeared on the other side of the room.

"Peter? Peter?"

Both of you called out, you watched the masked man turn and approach, taking a leap to cross the circle and stop right in front of you. You looked him up and down, surprised at his uniform being so similar to yours and amazed at the colors. The others didn't seem so positively surprised, especially when he pulled on his mask and revealed his identity.

"You are not Peter." Michelle stated. "No offense."

"Excuse me, do i know you guys?"

The man inquired, as confused as you were. He ran his eyes around the room, stopping at you who stood paralyzed in front of him, looking you up and down in surprise. But before you could say anything, Michelle interrupted him.

"Prove that you are spider-man."

"And off we go for another show of powers. Fantastic." You grumbled.

Peter raised a hand and in one leap clamped it to the ceiling, hanging there for seconds before walking across the ceiling, discarding an ancient web from the corner of the wall. You acted normally at the sight, after all you did that a lot, but what really struck you was his beauty. He was so handsome, you never thought you would see a man even more handsome than your ex-boyfriend. You could watch him non-stop, and that's exactly what you were doing without realizing it, oblivious to the conversation around you.

Parker was a good observer, so it didn't take him long to notice you, your gazes crossing and making your cheeks warm as you you realize you had been caught looking at him.

"So, can you explain to me what's going on here?" He asked.

You blinked, pulling yourself away from his thoughts. "I just know that i went through the portal and ended up in this house with these strangers."

"That sounds like a different reality to me, i don't believe that the multiverse can be real and that I'm living it." Peter cogitated, amazed. "I never imagined that there could be others of me, i mean, others like me. Even more so a woman."

"I thought the same thing, i never cogitated that men with spider powers could exist." You confessed, suddenly feeling curious to know more about him. "How did it happen to you?"

"Oh, a bite from a radioactive spider brought me these powers. It wasn't pleasant at first, I didn't know how to handle my own strength and I broke a lot of things." He confessed, pulling back his lip as he remembered the incident in the subway.

"The same thing happened to me, but for me it was much worse to be able to control the webs and know how I should throw them." You held up your wrist, showing him your shooter. "Shooters?"

"Made by me. Just like my uniform." You admitted, showing him the shooters with a proud smile stamped on your face.

He was so adorable.

"It's very nice by the way, the color combination turned out well." You complimented him, but before he could reciprocate, the arrival of another strange man in the hall stole both of your attention.

He was suspicious, just as you were, and had just come out of the same circle. Unlike you, he wore normal clothes, he looked like an ordinary man like anyone else. The old spider-man looked surprised at you, alternating his gaze between the man next to him and you, before flicking his wrist and throwing his web at you. You leaped into the air, flinging your web at him with the same agility as Peter did, leaving the hall littered with webs and receiving the surprised looks of your two friends.

"It seems to me that these radioactive spiders have a large number of victims." You commented.

"Why didn't you say it was spider-man?" Ned asked the other man.

"I don't usually reveal my identity to strangers, it breaks the mystery of who I might be." Peter replied.

"Enough of this talk that will get us nowhere, we still need to find the right Peter." The men looked at her, confused. "My Peter, actually. Ah, this is going to be too confusing."

You knew the night was going to be long.

There was another Peter, and this one had just lost his aunt, just as everyone there had lost someone. He looked angry at your arrival, a common feeling for someone who had seen the woman who raised him die right before his eyes.

The old Peter began advising him, being the oldest of you he knew how to use words well, they were beautiful and seemed to be exactly what the other needed to hear. The three Peter took a cue to speak, and for a moment you saw yourself in him, still so shaken by the loss of your ex-boyfriend. He looked like he was going to cry right there when he mentioned his late girlfriend. When it was your turn to speak, you hesitated, you were not used to saying personal things to strangers, but knowing that you might never see them again, there would be no harm in letting them know.

"I lost my parents and then i watched Ben die, it hurt, it hurt a lot and just when I thought nothing could get any worse i had to say goodbye to my boyfriend. Ex, my ex-boyfriend." You corrected yourself quickly. "I couldn't save him and anger consumed me for days, anger at myself for thinking i was incompetent. But, the truth is, i have learned to deal with loss. It's when you think all is lost that you realize you are stronger than you think."

Peter stared at you throughout her speech. He saw himself in you, which frightened him. He never thought he would identify so much with someone else.

You were busy.

You were each working to create a cure for your certain villain, but luckily there was only one from your reality. Venom was an easy monster to deal with, you knew him well because he was your best friend, you were the first to finish what you were supposed to do and you remained sitting in your chair, watching the others. Peter wore a white coat over his uniform, making him even more attractive than you thought. You couldn't take your eyes off him, he looked so much like your ex-boyfriend that it was frightening to see him, but at the same time it made you want to get close to him.

You pushed your wheelchair in the direction of where he was standing, stopping beside him. He stood at a distance, his eyes glazed over to the other side of the room, where the girl you didn't know the name of was hugging the other Peter. You coughed to get his attention. "Do you need help?"

"Oh, no, thanks. Have you finished yours?"

You agreed, leaving him surprised at your quickness. "Venom is an easy monster to deal with, I knew him so i know how to take care of him."

"Your best friend turned villain too?"

"Yes."

Another coincidence between you.

"You lost a friend to evil too?"

"Technically. I believe that no matter how much he turned, there was still a good part of Harry there in the Goblin." He sighed, his eyes wandering again. It was inevitable to talk about him and not remember Gwen.

"I'm sorry if it's a bad matter for you, I shouldn't be bothering you." You apologized, preparing to get up, but his hand landed on your leg and stopped you from leaving.

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize." Parker withdrew his hand and you relaxed back in your chair, taking advantage of the sudden silence that arose between you to watch him work. "I don't know your name yet."

You say, watching the smile return to his face. "Nice name." He complimented, extending a hand to you. "Peter Parker."

You acted as if you didn't know that and held his hand, making you both giggle. "Oh, nice to meet you." A smile appeared on your face and you held your gaze under him, the handshake lasting longer than it should have.

Peter felt strange when he was next to you, there seemed to be a strange need to have you with him, which was certainly frightening to him. He turned his attention away from you and continued on with what he was doing and you just stood there, watching him work, unable to get up and away from him, just as he couldn't tell you to leave.

You've never been in a battle like this before, at least not with so many villains to deal with simultaneously. Fortunately, one of them had some knowledge of how to fight as a team, which was a great help when it came to deciding who would do what. You were nervous, especially when your hair stood on end and your senses alerted you that they were coming. Electro appeared first, he wanted to destroy the box and would do whatever it took to get the artifact. You jumped away as he started shooting lightning bolts and destroyed a chunk of the building, landing on the other side of the scaffolding and spotting the other villains from afar. Even in the darkness, you immediately recognized him.

Venom.

He was even bigger than you remembered and seemed much less gentle.

"They came."

You say, pressing the communicator to your ear, unsure if they would be able to hear.

Peter ran to put the box in a safe place and the others were fighting with their respective villains. Venom leaped at you, but with your agility, you broke free and kicked him, making him even angrier. Practically exhausting your webs to keep him pinned to one of the scaffolding irons, you swung away, rushing to get his cure. Just as you were about to pick it up, a sandstorm formed around you, confusing your vision and breaking the web you were holding onto, making you realize too late that you were plummeting to the ground. You closed your eyes and prepared for the sudden fall, but the impact against the ground never happened. It took you too long to realize that you were flying again, with two firm arms holding your waist, carrying you to the opposite side of where the sandstorm was happening.

"Everything okay?" Peter asked, nervously.

"I am, thank you. And you?" you smiled, watching him agree and gently set you down on the ground. "I need to get the cure, but it seems impossible to get through it." You pointed up high, where the man shooting lightning was.

"I have never seen him this powerful." He reflected and ran his hand across his forehead, looking thoughtful. "Let's act together, what do you think? I distract him and you give me his cure and then I'll help you with your monster."

"This is good for me."

"Let's go, beautiful."

You jumped at the same time, Peter swinging himself toward his villain and you to the other side, where he had left the cure. With nothing to get in your way, you picked up the vial easily and hurled it toward him, with no chance to get close. Parker caught you in midair, but before he could inject the cure into the man, lightning struck him. You screamed, prepared to help him, but a push to your ribs knocked you to the ground, causing you to grunt in pain and turn to see the gooey monster standing in front of you.

"How long I've been waiting for this reunion." Venom says, stepping closer.

You stood up in a leap and closed your fists, prepared to defend yourself. "I'm glad you came to me, that way you saved me the trouble of searching for you to heal you." You bluffed, knowing she hadn't taken his cure.

"Cure? I don't need that, i need to kill you."

Venom ran toward you, and out of reflex you shot webbing into his big eyes, spinning in the air to slam your legs into him, causing him to fall and break the wood supporting you. Rising from the rubble with difficulty, you were surprised when you saw him turn his back to you, discovering the presence of another person there.

"Beautiful, think fast."

Peter says, tossing the flask in the air at you.

You grabbed the glass and felt everything around you slow down as you watched the monster go at him, his claws ready to hurt him, just as he had attacked and killed your boyfriend. Feeling the anger rising in you, you unlocked the vial and threw it in his direction, watching the glass shatter as it fell to the ground and exploded into greenish smoke. Venom squirmed as he slowly returned to his human form.

You ran when you saw spider-man on the ground, kneeling beside him and putting your head on his legs. Immediately, you realized that he was injured by the large tears the rips had made in his uniform.

“Peter? No, don't move, you've been badly bruised.”

"Nothing i can't handle." He tried to get up, but the pain from his wounds stopped him. 

"Don't be stubborn." You scold him, pressing the communicator and calling for the others. "Guys, we managed to heal two of them, but in return, Peter ended up getting injured."

"What happened?" The voice that you recognized to be of the youngest of the spiders asked.

"Venom injured him with his claws in the stomach, he doesn't look well at all and needs care."

"Take him away, we'll take care of the others. Ned opened a portal to the left side of where you are, go through them and you will be back in the lab where he has medicine for him." He instructed.

Wrapping one of your arms around him, you served as a support to keep him steady.

"What about them?" You asked, referring to the others.

"They will know how to take care of themselves." You replied, casting a web and throwing yourself into the air.

"I could take care of myself, you didn't have to do that for me." Peter says, watching you carefully run the cloth over one of the wounds. He was shirtless, sitting in a chair with you in front of him.

"Is this how you people say thank you in your reality?"

You teased him. You set the bloody towel aside and uncapped an ointment, applying it to your finger to dab on the wounds and cautiously put on a couple of gases, not wanting to hurt him further.

"Now just rest."

"Thank you, beautiful." Peter smiled, making you blush as you realized he was passing on calling you that. "I need to go fight, help them. I can't stay in bed."

"Peter, you don't need to worry about that, not now. You need to be rested to return to your reality, don't you think?"

Reluctantly, he agreed and leaned back against the back of the chair, still keeping his eyes on you. "Why did you bother to take care of me?"

You shook your shoulders. "Wouldn't you do the same for me? I mean, we're in this together, why not help each other?"

Peter shook his head, seeming to agree with your words.

"Do you think we'll make it back to where we belong?" He asked, suddenly.

"I hope so, what would my city be without Spider-Woman to defend them?" You frowned and laid your head to the side. "You don't think so?"

"Maybe. I mean, i wouldn't think it so bad to stay here. I've always wanted brothers and i don't have anyone waiting for me in my reality anyway." He rambled.

"Well, I wouldn't mind sharing my city with another spider." You smiled.

"Was that an invitation?" He frowned.

"Interpret it any way you like, i’m just guessing we could be a good crime-fighting duo, don't you think?" You questioned him.

  His fingers brushed across your cheek, touching it as gently as if you might break in his hands. For an instant he felt guilty for being there, so lost in you. But, his conscience knew that none of this was his fault, he didn't choose to feel so good by your side, any more than it sent his heart racing so much when he looked into your eyes.

"A penny for your thoughts?" You joked.

"Aren't you afraid to love again?" Peter says, without further ado. You inhale the air, knowing he was referring to the words you used to comfort the other spider earlier.

"For a long time i was afraid, but not afraid of love, i was afraid of failing again. I blamed myself for years, but now i realize that guilt was no good, it only made me bitter and kept me away from other men who might love me as he once loved me."

Parker blinked, suddenly feeling that you were the same person. You had lost so many things, but unlike him, you still saw meaning in love, you were still willing to give yourself again. Maybe he should do the same, not use you to fill the void that was left in his life, but just give himself one more chance to love.

"I wish i had met you before this, before all this craziness happened."

"Why?"

"I would make you mine."

"I'm here now, aren't i? What's stopping you?"

You closed your eyes when you felt his lips touch yours, your mouths fitting perfectly and your tongues touching in sync. Peter pulled your lip with his teeth and took his cue to pull away, feeling that you needed to breathe. You sighed, trying to get air into your lungs, and wiped the stains your lipstick had left on his mouth.

"The pain feels worse, i think i need more kisses." He asked, moving his hands to pull you by the hips, his large hands guiding you to sit on his legs. You giggled and kissed him again, this time more calmly, both of you wanting to enjoy every second and in no hurry to pull away.

"None of this feels like it's going to end well, much less feels like it should be happening." You whispered on his lips. As strange as it sounded to admit and as much as you felt like you didn't belong there, you felt like you belonged there. And not being able to control that feeling was scaring you. "What if we never see each other again?"

"Are you kidding? You just invited me to fight crimes, that sounds like a marriage proposal, we won't be parting anytime soon."

You lightly punched his shoulder, scolding him for joking while you spoke seriously.

"Look, look at me." Peter instructed, using his fingers to lift your chin. "Even if this is over, i promise I will find you. Whether in another reality, on the other side of the world, anywhere. I will find you."

"Promise?" You asked, your voice broken. You had lost so much, holding on to a promise of love didn't seem like the ideal thing, but a part inside you wanted to believe him.

"I never break a promise."

You heard those words months ago and after that, you never saw him again.

You felt bad, bad about yourself for deluding yourself and holding onto a promise. In your first days back in your reality you waited for him, you barely slept fearing he might show up when you were asleep, you just waited for him.

You wanted to see him so badly.

You wanted him to come and get you, just as he had promised months before. Maybe he could have forgotten you? Forgotten his promise? Were you an imbecile for still thinking about him and still wanting him? So many questions, but no answers. Tired of waiting, one day you simply convinced yourself that he would never come back.

It was two in the morning and you were swinging on your webs to get back to your apartment, the city was calm, thanks to you who every night fought against the criminals and guaranteed the local peace. Your eyes were heavy with sleep, you couldn't even tell how you stayed awake on the way, you just landed on your windowsill that overlooked your bedroom and entered the room, relieved to at least be home. Giving in to exhaustion, you dropped your backpack on the floor and fell onto your bed, your eyes closing at the same instant your body fell onto the mattress. That was your routine every day.

You thought you would sleep for hours, after all this was what you needed. But at some point in the night, your hair stood on end and your spider sense woke you up, making sleep become commonplace. Checking the time on the hand clock beside your bed, you grumbled as you realized that it was still too early to get up, but you couldn't ignore the feeling screaming inside you that something was happening. Jumping out of bed, you walked in slow steps through the rooms, fearing that it might be a burglar or one of your enemies, keeping your fists closed and prepared to fight them.

Crossing the hallway, you were about to deduce that your spidey sense had been wrong, but as soon as your feet reached the living room carpet and your head turned to the side, you saw what made you doubt your sanity. A large circle with yellow sparks was in the middle of your living room, showing the man you swore you would never see again on the other side. Peter stared at you with a smile on his face and ran to get momentum and jump, crossing the circle and stopping a few steps away from you. For a second you wondered if you were dreaming, after all, you had dreamed about him for many nights, but as soon as he came closer and his perfume filled your nostrils, you knew it was real.

He was here, he had returned.

"Peter."

You let out the air you didn't even realize you were holding and rushed to embrace him, bumping your body against his making him lose his balance for a few seconds. Peter laughed, slipping his arms around your waist and burying his face in the curve of your neck, his fingers becoming whitish from the way he held you.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, for making you wait for me." Peter whined, pulling his face away to look at you, feeling his heart swell as he saw the tears streaming down his cheeks.

"What happened? What took you so long? Did something bad happen?" Suddenly, you found yourself worrying about him.

"Oh, let's just say it wasn't very simple to convince the doctor to let me come stay with you. After the other spider caused all that damage he didn't want to grant another spider-man request." Peter contorted his face into a grimace, showing that it shouldn't have been simple.

"How did you manage to convince him?" You asked, suddenly curious.

"Don't you think I know how to take advantage of my charming side?" He sneered, making you roll your eyes. You had missed that playful air that only he carried, but you had missed feeling him in your arms much more.

Placing you on the floor and moving your hands up to feel your back, you felt him lower the zipper of your suit and slowly pull the fabric from your body, blinking in wonder at your details. You lay back on the bed, your back sinking into the mattress and your legs spreading apart so that he could get a prime view of your center.

  "As much as I loved your outfit, I prefer you without it." He admitted, laying on top of you and holding your breasts with both hands, squeezing them lightly and using each finger to play with your nipples, depositing kisses on the curve of your neck. Watching you squirm and feeling your hair shiver against his palm, he smiled.

"Any danger in sight?" he mocked.

"No, just you teasing me when I've always treated you so well." You whined, feeling him smile against your skin. Your protest seemed to work, as he decided to act.

Peter deposited kisses all over your body as he went down and you readied yourself to spread your legs even wider for him, showing off your soaked intimacy. Your penis ached at the thought of him causing this. He deposited wet kisses on both your thighs, purposefully taking his time to get to where you most needed to be touched. Hovering his face under your pussy, he watched you, amazed at the sight, and gave an experimental lick, savoring its taste. He repeated once more and penetrated a finger into you, which slid in easily due to your natural lubrication.

Using his mouth exclusively to suck on your swollen clit, Peter penetrated two more fingers and moved them cautiously, not wanting to hurt you, just wanting to stretch your walls. His fingers pulled at your brown locks and you closed your legs, just enough to make him sink deeper against your pussy. You pulled your bottom lip with your teeth, using so much force that a faint taste of iron could be felt. Having the three long fingers pumping into you, reaching every place you didn't even know needed to be touched, adding with the warm air of his mouth against your clitoris, made you feel on cloud nine. And he knew it, because you could feel his cocky smile against your bundle of nerves.

Peter assumed you were going to cum when your spongy walls squeezed his fingers and your cries became more desperate. He flicked his tongue faster against your clit and intensified the speed at which his fingers slid in and out of your hole, causing you to lift your back off the mattress. His brown eyes made eye contact with your face contorted with pleasure, watching you cum and call out to him. Peter swallowed every drop, his fingers lingering inside you, his movements slowing as you calmed down from your orgasm. You could still see the stars right before your eyes, your trembling legs collapsed on the bed, and your breathing was uncompensated.

You propped yourself up on your elbows as you watched him crawl to get under your body, closing the gap between you and kissing him deeply, savoring from your still fresh taste on his tongue.

"Is it okay if i continue?" He asked, supporting his body weight with one arm resting on the mattress and pumping his penis with the other hand.

"Please."

You pleaded, whispering against his lips, a line of saliva hanging between your mouths. Parker rubbed his head against your hole, collecting some of your lubrication, slowly penetrating his cock into you, both of you moaning together at how good it felt to have him enter you. The burning soon became pleasurable, you bit his shoulder to hold back your moans as he rotated his hips and began to move, hitting the sweet spot inside you again and again.

Only the sound of your hips bumping and the swaying bed echoed in the air. Peter put his fingers in your mouth and you sucked on them, looking up at him through your eyelashes with curiosity as to what he would do. Moving his hand down between your bodies, he reached your clit, rubbing it with such agile and non-stop stroking that you were barely able to process what was happening.

"Come to me."

He asks, knowing that you would cum one more time. You dig your nails into his back and cum, your legs shaking uncontrollably and your mouth opening, your cries letting your neighbors know how good he was making you feel. With a few more sloppy strokes, his cum spilled inside you, mixing with your fluids and running down his cock. Peter remained inside you and collapsed his body on top of yours, laying his head on your breasts, not wanting to move away from you. You stroked his hair, placing a kiss on the top of his head and sliding your fingertips down his back, giving him a caress that made him drowsy.

"Beautiful?" He called out.

"Yes?"

"I really like you."

He says, making you smile. You felt happy, even though you knew he still wasn't able to say the right words, but respecting your feelings.

"I know that, love. And i like you even more."

You felt his body weigh heavier than before on top of you, and his breathing turned into light snorts. Lowering your gaze, you felt the butterflies turn your stomach as you faced his sleeping figure, realizing that he had chosen a path of no return, just to be there with you.

"I understand you, and i promise i’ll be here when you feel ready to say you love me, because i love you."

You whispered, making a promise that you were willing to keep, just as he was willing to love you.

© You are not allowed to copy, republish, or translate any of my works.

[tokoyamisstuff]

Are you happy, Strange? - Epilogue

!MoM Spoilers Ahead!

Stephen never opened up to anyone. Neither about his regrets of the past, nor his reoccuring nightmares of the future. But when a certain universe-traveling girl revealed that the woman in his few pleasant dreams is meant to be his Soulmate, he is determined to meet her.

Sadly, when he finally finds you, the Sorcerer has already been possessed by the Darkhold…

[Previous Chapter]

Warnings: Slight Angst in the Beginning, Nightmares, Mentions of Choking and Death

A/N: I am so sorry for the earlier chapter being rather rushed and uninspired, so here ya go! Take all that Fluff.

That kind of dream again.

Whatever unwritten rules the Multiverse might follow, somehow you despised whoever was responsible for connecting you and your variants through dreams.

Ever since you first met Stephen, you suffered occasional nightmares, which turned out to be very much real - for another you, in another universe...

...and sometimes it was hard to differentiate between your real experiences and theirs, separate all this from your own soul, especially after your mystic powers had awakened.

Stephen had once told you about his Sinister Self, withdrawn into a forsaken world he himself had destroyed in his arrogant wish to control everything.

What he did not know however was that there were more, wicked and misguided versions of his - al connected by one similarity:

You.

Their love for you was their breaking point, and even after the death their Y/N, they would still relentlessly chase after their lost loved one.

The Multiverse has countless possibilities, after all...

...but sometimes it seemed like certain outcomes were set in the stone of fate, like a natural law that would break shall a universe fall too far astray from a predetermined path.

"Why can't you just love me?!"

The Stephen in your dream seemed distraught, his voice laced with so much pure hurt that it scattered your heart into tiny pieces.

No matter how often you experienced dreams just like this, it never ceased to affect you.

"This...is no-ot lo...ve..." your otherworldly counterpart managed to wring out in between strangled sobs, unsucessfully trying to keep his hands from finding their way to her neck.

"If you don't let me protect you, you're better off dead right away!" the sorcerer bellowed, as if to actually mean 'if I can't have you, then no one will'.

This Stephen wanted you to suffer just the same as he did, that much was clear.

It was not the first time you've seen Strange like this, having completely and utterly given in to this evil, violent drive in many other universes...

...however, seeing this almost monstrous yet also incredibly hurt expression of his made you believe that he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

He grid his teeth, wide insane eyes piercing your gasping for air self, scarred fingers surprisingly still in his fury as they dug deep enough to constrict your windpipe.

"This is not happening to me" you repeated in your mind over and over again, yet you couldn't help now that everything felt so vivid.

It was like being trapped in the body of this other you, unable to change this outcome in any way as you were just a mere bystander, peeking into this other world.

Stepehen's tears splattered on your face, mixing with your own as your other self writhed and colvulsed underneath the mage, feeling every agonizing sensation as if it was your own.

What was this other Y/N thinking right now, you wondered, suprisingly calm due to having 'died' by Stephen's hand several times now - in your dreams at least.

What happened to make their story turn out like this? Did she ever even love him, just the same as you did?

...and if you didn't, would you have ended up just the same?

A gasp of Stephen catched your attention and suddenly he stilled, though the pressure on your trachea not lifted enough for you to breathe.

The other Y/N had stopped struggling against the inevitable, instead reaching out her hand to touch Stephen's cheek. You saw his face, so full of regret and physically felt Y/N's peaceful, forgiving look even so close to death as her lips silently began forming words:

"It's okay. I love you."

When your other self deceased and everything around you went black once more, the last thing you perceived were Strange's mourning cries...

...and they continued, even after you woke up, while you were frantically letting sweet fresh air fill your lungs.

Stephen, your Stephen had bolted up from his sleep, screaming his lungs out in deep and utter shock. His chest was having, heart racing as if to break out of his ribcage even after he saw you lying right next to him, alive and well.

He needed some time to adjust his thoughts to reality again just the same as you. And judging from his reaction, he apparently shared this dream with you. It happened from time to time, though rare.

As he watched your shaking form on the other bedside, his first instinct was to wrap you in his arms and make sure you were truly alright, to assure you nothing bad would ever happen as long as he's there...

...but instead he stirred further away, frightened by his other variant's capability to do something so terrible.

"Stephen?" Your tone was quiet and soft, like one would try to approach a timid animal.

"Y-Yes, love?" He on the other side needed to clear his throat, giving it his utmost to appear as calm and collected as usually - but you knew him better than that.

Right now, he was on the verge of breaking.

"C'mere." Glossy eyes watched his own, trembling hands with disgust - almost as if he was dreading to accidentally hurt you if he got too close. "Please" you added in a whisper, opening your arms to reach out for him. "I need you."

You dared cupping his cheeks, raising his head to meet his eyes - unfaltering affection and trust mirroring the same amount that shined in his oceanic ones.

That was all for him to drop the facade, exhaustedly dropping to the mattress as he pulled you down with his embrace.

"I'm sorry." His hands were twitching more than usually as they barely graced your face, shoulders, sides - as if to make sure he really did not harm you in any way. "I'm so, so, so sorry, Y/N..."

"What for?"

As soon as you found yourself in Stephen's arms, your whole body relaxed in an instant. You pulled him even closer, his head buried in your neck and he immediately started tracing kisses among the sore skin, in an attempt to replace the painful memory.

"It wasn't you, Stephen" you reassured him, running your fingers through his unkempt hair and massaging his scalp. "You would never do something like this. And no one can convince me otherwise."

You just knew it: Your Stephen was different - he had proven this fact many times before. To the Ancient One, Wong, America, and yourself.

Tired and mentally drained as you both were, you hoped that humming a soothing melody would quick enough calm him down...

...but Stepehn had other plans.

"Are you really sure about us?" Of course he'd change the topic instead of properly dealing with it - very predictable if one asked you.

But well, your fiancé was an overthinker, after all.

"Really?" you raised a judging eyebrow at him, only nuzzling closer against him in protest. "Just because a Strange in another universe went nuts you want to cancel the wedding or what? Do I have to remind you that I was also a freaking zombie in one of those dreams?! Not everything has a deeper meaning!"

"That's not what I meant" You could've sworn to hear him snicker a little at the zombie anecdote, yet was quick to become more serious again. "Sometimes I'm afraid that one day you'll wake up and realize this was all a mistake..."

While Stephen was always a very caring and romantical lover, opening up was one of the hardest tasks for the mage. The man with a reputation of being arrogant, egoistical and somewhat cynical in general was in reality a very insecure person, more often than not showing his emotions through subtle actions or words instead of directly.

So his rather unusual and upfront confrontation catched you off guard.

The sorcerer plucked a strand of hair from your face, answering your baffled expression with a plain, warm smile. He seemed terrified of the answer, however his eyes told you he was prepared for anything as long as it made you happy.

"It's been two years, Stephen..." you chanted as loving as humanly possible, leaning into his touch. "We've had a rough start, but you weren't yourself back then. You managed to break free from what doomed the other variants, and I fell in love with the real you. That's a fact, not a mistake."

Before he was able to say anything, you'd seal your words with a kiss, rubbing small circles on his back before pulling away.

It was the truth: Both of you had been thriving under the influence of one another.

"What can I say except I have the most wonderful woman in the whole Multiverse?"

Now he almost seemed embarassed at you having to console him instead of the other way around. He just needed some affirmation from time to time, and you were more than willing to give it to him for the rest of your lives.

"Well, it's only natural considering I have found the best man."

____

"Well, aren't you a beam of sunlight at this morning?"

Seemed like your lover has already processed the last night and got back to his boastful self again. His words were smooth in contrast to his rasp, sleepy voice as he put his arm around you, pulling you against his chest once more.

You loved starting the day like this, huddled up in the sheets together - yet sadly, this would make it even harder to withstand the temptation of just laying in bed with him all day instead of getting up.

One would think that after the two years this relationship had progressed already - and this was calculated without the rather troublesome six months start - you'd stop wearing the rose-coloured glasses...

...but even after this phase was over and your relationship toned down, succumbing to the everyday life the two of you had built, it was a fight to leave each other every day still.

"I'm afraid I need to leave already" your fiancé mumbled as he smothered your face in lazy kisses, making you chuckle as his beard slightly tickled your skin. "Enjoy your day, my love."

"Take care" you purred, with Stephen smiling in adoration and covering you with the blanket once again. "Come back to me soon."

You quickly drifted back into sleep just shortly after his departure - only for a few more minutes however, since your alarm went off short time later.

"Shit!" you almost fell out of the bed, seeing several missed calls on your smartphone already. Seems like you forgot to set your clock properly. "Damnnit, I'm gonna be late!"

Due to the different timezones between the Kamar-Taj and the Sanctum Sanctorum, it was easy to confuse the different tasks coming along with being a sorcerer.

Your daily routine right now was the complete opposite of normalcry, like having a double life - and you wouldn't want it any other way.

Today however was rather troublesome, considering the importance of this date.

"I can't believe they still are going to make me go to lecture on my wedding day" you mumbled to yourself as you stepped through the great halls of the Sanctum, which had basically become your second abode already.

The sun hasn't even showed it's face over New York due to the early daytime, and together with the eventful night you felt incredibly tired. Well, in Nepal it was already 9hrs later, so you could make it to their afternoon practise and still be back in your city on midday.

One wouldn't expect a kitchen in midst of the ancient building dedicated to the ancient arts, but here you were. The furnishment of his personal rooms was old and rather modest, fitting for the life Stephen had chosen. And in comparison to the almost aseptic clean appearing illusion he had once cast to trap you in, you'd prefer this cozy atmosphere any day.

You couldn't help but smirk as you looked at the kitchen table, where Stephen obviously having prepared everything for you - attentive as always. A small breakfast, modified to energize you to the max, together with a potion making a person wide awake for the next 24 hours...

...and a note: "Can't wait to see you in white."

Quickly getting done and putting on your traditional gear, you jumped a little when suddenly Stephen's cloak disappeared out of nowhere, wrapping itself like a scarf around your neck.

"How unfashionable" you teased as you watched it indirectly through the mirror, making the living fabric wiggle as if insulted. "Just a joke! You look brilliant, my dear."

Having Cloakie accompany you would be beneficial in many ways - especially since the mountains of Nepal were excruciatingly cold - and you knew it would set Stephen's constantly worrying mind to peace.

So you grabbed your sling ring from the counter, casting this basic spell with ease and stepped through the portal.

In not even six hours, you'd be married eventually...hopefully.

____

At the same time, your fiancé was walking the streets of New York, preparing a few last details for the ceremony in midst of his usual duties.

Before, the old Dr. Strange would've probably made a big deal out of his marriage - in all the wrong ways. A big celebration, newspaper announciations, media involved and many people invited he couldn't even remotely call acquaintances...

...but now he was a different man, he wholeheartedly wanted to believe.

There was no need to show off or prove his love to anyone. Being surrounded by his few, loyal friends while being wed to the love of his life could be surpassed by nothing at all!

"Wait- Stephen?!"

Putting a hand on the shoulder of a man who's always on high guard was certainly no well thought idea, but the person daring to do so was familiar enough for him to not be alerted.

"Oh, hello Christine." Stephen smiled politely yet distanced, immediately offering her his hand so she wouldn't hug him. "It's good to see you."

"Same goes for you!" his ex cheered completely oblivious, even though she knew of the wedding she wasn't invited to. "You look great!"

"I feel so, thank you." He ran a shaky hand through his hair, mind wandering off to you which would always lift his spirits.

Actually, he hoped to end this small-talk and part ways as soon as possible, to concentrate on the more significant matters of this day...

...yet Christine couldn't help but to pry.

"And...are you happy now, Stephen?" It wasn't the first time she had directed that kind of question towards him.

"It's- frightening..." he started, rubbing the back of his head but didn't quite know how to continue. "To have everything you ever wanted means there's always the possibility to have it taken away from you, you know?"

She seemingly did not expect such a honest answer from the man she thought to know so many years. "So this is what scares the great sorcerer and hero Stephen Vincent Strange?"

Both chuckled a little awkwardly, when Christine took a hold of one of his hands, eyes filled with honest delight for him. "You've changed...that's good."

Stephen reciprocated her smile - even though she's not part of his life anymore, she was still a good friend - and her experience with his stubborn self made her opinion still very meaningful. "She would object, but it's all thanks to Y/N."

"She seems like a great person." There was a subtle sadness in her tone, even while married to someone else it hurt Christine's pride that she wasn't the one able to bring forth the good side of Strange.

But in the end, what did it matter now that all of you met the happy ending you deserved?

"I wish the two of you all the best, okay?"

____

"Concentration, young lady!"

"My apologies." You frowned, slightly embarassed at Wong calling you out for having caught you staring in the middle of training. Seeing Stephen, who had just arrived waving cheekily in the back, you just knew he was enjoying this one.

A short time and many faulty cast spells by your jittery self later, Wong finally dismissed the class for a short break and Stephen immediately strolled towards you with a wide grin on his face.

"Good evening, Master Strange." You bend down your head, making the traditional handsign as greeting. Hearing both Stephen and a few apprentices laugh however, you were quick to drop the act. "Is the title really necessary? Everyone here knows we're dating..."

You glanced towards the Sorcerer Supreme, who was watching the two of you from afar, giving you a thumbs up. "And besides, you aren't even properly formal with Wong."

Leaning down to your height, your fiancé pecked a quick kiss on your forehead before sweeping you off the floor. "But I'm not allowed to have favourites, am I not?"

"Just admit you have a praise kink" you sassed back, acting not amused though you joined him laughing. "Maybe" he clicked his tongue, "But rather an authority kink...you must know best."

"I was just about to say how surprised I am to see you all humbled lately, but you're on thin ice" Wong interferes, warningly patting his friend's back. "Behave more often, it suits you."

"I'm afraid my future wife would be bored if she doesn't have to look after me the whole time" he continued teasing, and you let out some small puffs from your nose. "But you're not supposed to see the bride before the ceremony anyways, right? I don't give much on tradition, but it takes away the thrill."

"Oh please, we are both masters of the mystic arts. We know what superstitions are true and which are not - And besides, you are always thrilling to look at."

Cloakie tugged your sulking self towards him and Stephen gently put his arms around you, his whole aura emitting genuine happiness. "I just wanted to check up on you, my dear. I can't bear to be separated from you for too long. Sorry for misbehaving."

"Knew I'd get you to apologize" you smirked at this little banter between the two of you, hearing excited screeches from the other students as your lips met his.

"Of course, darling. You're my better half, after all."

____

As soon as Stephen had appeared, he was gone again and the rest of the day went by in a rush.

It was only 1pm when you returned to New York, always amazed that you did not experience any jetlag when you used the portals like that. Due to the little time you had left until the ceremony, you had already taken a shower in the Kamar-Taj and decided to meet up with your friends immediately without going back to the Sanctum first.

Spending time on the non-magical world was still a nice variety, especially calming right now. You'd simply enjoy the remaining time until you were dressed up, reminiscing with some friends about your naive teenage fantasies concerning a future wedding.

Even after all this time, the way your whole life had turned upside down still felt like a wild fever-dream - one you never wanted to wake up from.

Nonetheless, the unexpected was still a steady companion during your relationship...

...and so, your fiancé was the only one missing when the ceremony was about to start.

"Should I go look for him? Maybe there was an emergency."

"No need" you thankfully refused Wong's offer, gifting him a bright and in no way concerned smile. He was nervous enough himself, taking the place of your deceased father to aid you down the aisle. "I'll do it myself. Please hold the ceremony a few more minutes."

Without any further explanation, you opened a portal beneath your feet and jumped right through.

"Knew you'd be here" you whispered, leaves crumbling under your feet as you landed on the cemetery ground. For a while, Stephen would fail to answer, encoating both of you in silence as his eyes were glued to the marble stone with the words 'Donna Strange' in front of him...

...and when he finally turned around, his mouth dropped.

"You look...immaculate."

His eyes were reddened as they wandered up and down your features, being stuck on your lips that turned into a lopsided smile. You knew her accident was what has shaped his character, and that he needed to visit her today for closure.

"Thank you. The dress is an inheritance from my mother." You took sheepish steps through the trimmed grass, not minding the sticks and flowers getting caught in the fabric of your veil.

"I've lost track of time" he scolded himself, feeling unworthy of your understanding manner - especially on this great day. "Guess I've disappointed you again."

"Self-pity doesn't fit you, Strange." Uh-oh, the last name. You only ever use it when you're being really strict with him.

It was hard to sit down with that huge a dress, so instead you crouched down right behind him, wrapping your hands around his chest and leaning your head onto his back. "I wouldn't be your wife if I'd ever be mad at you for something like this."

In this position, you could hear his fastened hearbeat slow down bit after bit, and ultimatively he would let out a breath he had long been holding in.

All his life, Stephen had refused to let people close to his core - afraid that what they'd find would make them turn away from him...

...but not with you. Never with you.

By now, you knew him inside out. Saw him at his lowest, dealt with him during his worst and darkest times and stayed. So he never even once regretted letting you into his heart.

"Your sister would be so proud of you, Stephen" you whispered, yet with a sincere voice. "I wish she could be with us today."

"She is" he almost sobbed, before fixing his tie and helping you up to your feet again. "Always in my heart and mind, just like you."

"Shall we?" he added, offering you his arm to hook onto. "We have a wedding to attend, I suppose."

Seeing him like this made your heart flutter, just like every day you spent with this man only strenghtened your decision from back then.

Ever since you forgave his past, a bright future was your privilege to share with him - and you wouldn't change it for the world.

No matter what lies ahead, after all you've been through already, the two of you could overcome everything together.

Because one thing was sure: Your hearts would be soaring with one another - always.

"If you're ready, then I am."

[steamed-rice-enjoyer]

Brand new ; shining and untangling your joints as you are renewed

a/n: prologue! this is part one! this is super fun to write. not proofread, as usual. ~1.2k words. cw: gn reader, dottore is a cw. dead body description. reader is partly blind, it gets better as time goes on. resurrection. one dash ( - ) means time skip. describing pain very thoroughly. physical trauma. generally creepy things are mentioned / described.

--

Your body is heating up, and you feel a slight burning sensation, but you aren't suspicious just yet, sometimes your corpse shifts in the depths of the water, turning around at an angle where a single ray of sunshine would potentially hit the thick ice sculpture that you are the prisoner of. But this one was simply not a shift in the water. You are completely out of it, soon to realize.

Whatever movement was spasming throughout your body on the side of the living looked like a demon exorcise. Limbs twisting in wildly unnatural positions. Bones cracking and potentially breaking. On your side, this event looked like fading in and out of existence. Sudden goodbyes and frantic screaming filled that domain as your spirit is being torn from one realm to the other. Feeling all elements of the world concentrated on you, this must be what hell feels like. You know better to not wish for something so cruel and painful now, cursing whatever maniac found your remains. "I don't want anything from this body. I want to leave it rotting, to decompose and be part of nature, to feed the mushrooms new life." - You say with wheezing breath like you had just run to Liyue and back. Your voice doesn't sound like your own, more like a broken record player, some notes skipping and others buffering. - "Carry on without me, stay strong. I will always love all of you, and look back on our time in pleasant recollection." - Those were the actual last words you said to your friends. Your pupils disappeared. That reddish-alive colour setting into you. Your friends could see some stitches appear all over your body, whatever your clothes were not covering. The most evident being around the thickest part of your neck, almost at the collarbones. You are bleeding blood from those stitches, it's flooding the domain. Being reanimated to life through what were unorthodox methods, was the worst pain you've ever felt. You disappeared, and so did your memories, and your unintentional demolition.

-

Thud. The sensation is similar to waking up from a falling dream but much, much more powerful. You mutter extremely groggily, not used to having a real body, and being exhausted from jumping in and out of it for the past however many hours, or days. This little trip has tired you out so badly, that your brain, now functioning physically as well, making you shield some memories away from you. So you can only guess what happened. You are laid down, for sure. The surface of whatever you are laying on is a question troubling you, you can't really differentiate between textures. There could be some form of fabric on you other than your clothes, but you are uncertain. "Huuuh..? Have I finally transcended the in-between? I'm… hnnn. - You feel your throat close up slightly, unfamiliar with the function of new and also old vocal cords. Trying to strike a conversation with a faraway shadowy figure, assuming it's a person, amidst the blinding light. - "Am I moving on? I can't see anything other than brightness…Are you a guide to the afterlife?" Expecting an answer, you turn your head to the side, to where footsteps are coming from, looking around as if you were lost in a big city. And since they are becoming indeed louder, your plan worked.

"Hm. The devil's advocate would be a more fitting description…" A rather deep and monotone male voice answers you. You notice noises, so many of them. Clicking of a pen. Scribbling on paper, clanking of machinery. Other people screaming, but it sounds faint and distant. Where even are you? "At least you survived and regained most, if not all humane functions. Already better than the others I've worked on. Your body didn't seem to reject any of the… add-ons I've made, good, good." - He starts muttering something in a language you don't understand. - Decent results. Could always be better. Ah, your sight should come to you soon. In a few days' time." - You feel the man's hands roughly turn your head from left to right, You furrow your brows at the sudden touch, it feels strange. He pushes your eyelids apart a bit, but your sight is still limited to only blobs of lights and shadows. - "It's not a problem to get you new ones, though. You can even choose, there's quite a variety."

"What happened to my arm?! Why is there a…a dent in it?" Raising your right arm to your left to feel the missing mass from it. Your arm fops down to your left, grimacing in slight pain. He deeply inhales and puts your right arm back where it was originally. "One of my newer subordinates came into my laboratory without knocking. I simply got annoyed at that level of disrespect and carelessness. I was busy with breaking the first layer of ice on your left arm as precisely as possible, and then" - An annoyed and harsh exhale, and an even deeper inhale, you find it amusing how this stranger is just full-on ranting to you. - "As if I didn't have enough problems with him bothering me, him being an annoying nuisance, he then proceeds to tap me on the shoulder, which is just a death wish by itself. The action stunned me, therefore making my footing off-centred, and accidentally hitting your forearm, and probably damaging your lymph nodes around your elbow." - He makes a gesture of raising both of his arms up to his face, then quickly crossing them. Although you can't see that, you did feel the sheer force of the action, air swiftly moving around your face and chest. You saw the sudden and quick dimming in that confusing and harsh brightness.

That means he stayed next to you, without needing to. That would mean he is either extremely lonely or discards the people he talks with. Maybe both, but who knows. Whichever is the case, you are okay with having to listen to a new voice, trying to make the most of a dire situation. "I've said it before, just a few very minor changes, everything is an easy fix. I have a great collection of limbs you can pick from. I would truly prefer to be here and merge you back into who you once were, but one of my coworkers just had to die in foreign lands just a few nights ago, and I have a tedious meeting to get to. I suggest you should sleep, I'll return in half a day's time." You nod, and there is only brightness left as he leaves, footsteps receding. Wait. You stop to ponder for a moment. Subordinate. Laboratory. Meeting. The ice you were in wasn't melting by itself, meaning that you are still in Snezhnaya - That would mean… no way, a harbinger out of all possibilities is the one who reanimated you? A few select memories come back to you. The sour taste of revenge makes your face scrunch up. Where is she, who pushed you to your doom? Whatever the price, you must pay it. You are quite tired, envy and wrath lulling you to sleep as you plan your next move.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Superstitions and Curses

Pairing: mummy!Bucky Barnes x archaeologist!Reader

Warnings: slight dubcon, obsessive and soft!dark!Bucky, mentions of torture and being buried alive.

Words: 2163.

Summary: It wasn't your first expedition, but pretty much the first time when you had helped to bring an ancient being back from the dead.

P.S. Huge thanks to dear @navegandoaciegas who helped me get inspired again <3

_______________

"Please, let me in."

You clenched the amulet in your hands, nervously staring at the door of a hotel room and hoping he wouldn't enter. Despite the fact that you were an archeologist, a woman who believed in nothing but science, you were ready to pray to all the gods if it would help to keep this creature away.

"I mean no harm to you." His husky, dangerously low voice made you lick your lips as you thought of all the things he whispered in your ear the other night. "Didn't you like the way I treat you, love?"

"It was a spell you put on me!" You furrowed your brows, making a step away from the door and bumping into a nightstand with a loud thud - the bottle of water in top of it fell down to the floor.

"A spell?" The man behind the door chuckled, and you could hear him breathing out loudly as he peered through the crack in the door, his hands pressed against the dark wood. "You know I haven't done anything of this kind. What you felt was the chemistry between us, don't deny it."

It was true. That night when all you wanted was to forget the events of the last couple of days, forget all about the whole reason why you came to this ancient country, you rushed to a bar to get drunk like a fish, hoping the next morning once you'd wake up, it would all be a bad dream and nothing more. That's where you met him, the man who you had seen laying in his grave just a couple of hours before. Of course, you didn't know it was him - he looked like any other man, enough flesh on his bones not to cause any suspicion.

Oh, but it was him. He had followed you in that bar, pretending to be a stranger eager to know you; fooling you, he soon slipped into your room where he made love to you, completely drunk and fallen under his charms. How stupid you were, trusting a complete stranger after what had happened that day.

It was several hours after when you woke up in the night, and the moonlight coming from the window lit the room a little: as you stared at the man sleeping soundly next to you, you saw the ancient symbols on his chest.

The next minute you were out of your room, hoping he wouldn't wake up in the next hour. It would give you enough time to reach the railway station.

Why was he following you? You could understand his reasons since you had pretty much broken his tomb and opened his grave, but why on Earth did he sleep with you? Why didn't he kill you? Was it some kind of a ritual? Despite the fact that you were specializing on local customs and traditions, you have never heard of anything of that kind.

"You can't get rid of me." He murmured behind the door, and you sensed something wicked, resentful in his voice.

"Why can't I? What do you want from me?" You asked on the verge of tears, your arms trembling - you very much doubted the amulet you were holding was of any use to you.

"Shhhh." He cooed softly, feeling you fear and somewhat content with it. "I promise I won't hurt you. Let me in, love. Let me in."

For a couple of seconds you froze, listening to the man breathing softly behind the door. Strangely, you could almost hear his heart beating in his chest as if he really were human, not a rotten corpse you saw in the coffin a couple of days ago. The night you spent together you felt like he was the most tender and affectionate man you had ever met. Why did he do it? What was his purpose? Why were you opening the door for him when he ordered you to do it with that hypnotic voice of his?

You realized he had entered your room once he touched your cheek with his hand, rough fingers brushing against your wet skin. Oh, apparently, you were crying.

"I know it is beyond your comprehension, but please trust me, My Immortal Beloved." He made a step forward as you shriveled and slinked back, staring at his perfectly blue eyes adorned with black kohl. "Do not be scared. Even though it seems horrifyingly wrong to you, things are exactly as they were meant to be."

Despite the fact you had a thousand questions inside your head, the words were stuck in your throat. You couldn't even scream, asking for help. Besides, it would be pretty worthless, wouldn't it? No one could protect you from someone who rose from the dead.

"You were meant to open my tomb and set me free. You were meant to resurrect my body and let my soul return to it."

When you reached the wall, your back pressed to it as if you wanted to slip through the stone, the man had inched closer to you and lowered his hand on your chest, the other one right in front of your face as he moved his hand, drawing a circle in the air with his palm. I see you. You are important to me, a sign of both trust and affection - you had seen it so many times on ancient drawings it was imprinted on your brain.

What? Why was he doing it? Why it was you who set him free? You were just one of a whole team of archaeologists and wage earners. You did nothing special, nothing that differentiated you from others - you weren't the one who physically opened it nor did you read any ancient spells locals were so superstitious about. You were as much in shock as all others when the mummy had suddenly disappeared from the tomb.

At first, even though most of you were people of science, all of you thought of ancient curses and all those archaeologists who had supposedly died from it. Then, when you came to your senses, you thought of the thieves who might had taken the mummy. But then again, although it were the remains of someone very, very important, no treasures were buried with him - apparently, this person had done something terrible when he was alive, especially remembering the curses written on the walls. So why steal just the corpse, then? Without decent care, the bones would crack within minutes of carrying them. Why would thieves want the mummy?

"I want to come back home." You whispered, shivering and averting your eyes.

"I will bring you whenever you want once you swear loyalty to me, love."

You blinked as you stared at his tanned face, symbols painted with gold shining on his temples. It was getting more and more insane with every passing minute.

"Why would I swear loyalty to you?"

"Because I am your Sun, Moon and the Stars in between."

The silence felt heavy, suffocating as you kept looking at the man, not knowing what to say. He was right - you didn't understand a thing. You didn't even know who he was and why you swearing loyalty to him seemed so important so this stranger. The only thing you knew for sure was that he was dangerous, far more dangerous than any other human being - you felt it in your bones.

"Before I d-do that, may I know your name?" You wanted to add something like "Your Majesty", but you had no idea what kind of title the man once had - that is, if he had any at all.

He chuckled, "It would be hard for you to pronounce. But you can call me James, it is the closest you can get."

A part of you was offended - for heaven's sake, you were specializing on this exact area and surely knew how to pronounce ancient names - but the other part of you now wondered how come this being knew a real English name and could actually speak modern language. Surely, he was at least a thousand years old. How come?..

"Why were you buried so disrespectfully?" You started questioning him out loud, furrowing your brows. "This is not my first expedition, but I have never seen a tomb like yours before. No treasures, no name, nothing that could identify you at all."

"The Witch-king, that's how they called me." His handsome face darkened, and the man took a step away, turning his back to you. "The one who had surpassed his high priest and could read the Book of the Dead. Once my chancellors learnt about me practicing the magic of the ancient, they made my priests spread the word to my people, and I have been overthrown. They have tortured me, blinded me, cut off my limbs, and then sealed me away in the tomb when I was still alive. Because of their fear of me and my powers, they condemned me to the worst of fates, and broke the line of kings."

As he kept speaking, his dark long robe fell down to the floor, opening his half-naked tan body to you: you saw two deep scars on his shoulders that still looked raw, horrifying you - the man was telling you the truth. He had been dismembered.

"They have cursed me to stay neither truly dead nor alive till one day somebody would open my tomb and set me free. They have kept the location of my grave a secret, thinking no one would ever discover it in the sand, but they all were wrong. I will suffer no more in that place where not a single ray of light had shone over two thousands of years."

Your head was spinning from all this, and you quietly slid to the floor, your hands in your hair as you tugged on the roots in frustration and fear. For the love of God, was it all true? Did you help resurrect the ancient being that could use some scary black magic and probably kill lots of innocent people? Did he want to drag you along with him once you swear loyalty to him? If you didn't, would he actually murder you?

"But this is of no importance now." The man turned back to you and, suddenly seeing you on the floor, hurried to gently pick you up and place you on a spacious bed, watching you with worry. "I am sorry for I have frightened you, love. I swear this was not my intention."

You had troubles understanding what his intention was, but you kept silent, too scaried to say something to him. You had a dozen thoughts what a creature like him would want to do to people for all his suffering.

You should have left that damn tomb alone when your team found twice more death traps than in any other grave. You read the curses left on the walls, but they only fueled your interest. Of course, you had never been superstitious in your entire life, so you simply disregarded all the signs that now seemed so clear you were ready to slap yourself.

"Why am I important?" You asked in a shaky voice, your eyes trailing down his chest with ancient symbols tattooed on it. "Why spending a night with me? I am just a woman. I have opened the tomb, but I was one of many."

"No, you are special. You won't understand now, not yet, but think of it as your destiny. Your fate is bound to mine."

As he inched closer to you, you finally realized you were almost in bed with a half-naked handsome man resurrected from the dead. Immediately crawling back, your stared at him wide-eyed. No, no, no, whoever he was and whatever he thought your fate was, you didn't want him in your bed the second time! Well, almost. Maybe you wanted a little bit. Just a little.

"S-so, are you going to destroy the country and claim your kingdom again?"

Your words made him laugh as he bared his perfectly white teeth while touching the side of your face.

"Two thousand years were enough to change my priorities. Ruling the world of humans who know nothing of magic isn't interesting to me anymore."

"I see. That's a relief." You murmured, still very uncomfortable with him being so close to you. "Please, can I just leave? There are millions of women, I'm sure you'll find someone more attractive to be your... your concubine."

_____________

"Concubine? I did not have a concubine, and neither did my ancestors." The man tilted his head to the side, looking at you surprised as you were ready to bite yourself for your own stupidity: of course, the rulers of these lands only started having concubines in the fourth dynasty and onwards, James was definitely either from the first or second one. "I can't let you leave, love. You will have to come with me."

Part 2

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @abyssaint @heeeyitskay @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherubwrites @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @iheartsebastianstan @ninefuckingoneone

[lazypeachsoul]

hvitserk ragnarsson's character alphabet.

Thanks for the request! The character alphabet was created by @imnotusedtobeingloved and you can find it HERE if you want to request more. Gif by @imdancingintherain07

Masterlist

You can be added to my taglist through THIS LINK or you can ask me through my inbox.

anon requested: "hey! may I request (a, f, l, r and v) for Hvitserk from the character alphabet??"

A - affection (how affectionate are they? what do they enjoy?)

Out of the sons of Ragnar, Hvitserk is the most affectionate of them. He does not shy away from showing his affections towards his lover. In fact, sometimes he needs to be stopped and reminded that they are in public.

But also, Hvitserk is not very good at differentiating kinds of affection. This boy cannot stop himself from flirting with every girl he crosses. Actually, he flirts with almost everybody, but it's not because he's thinking of cheating or he's not happy. It's because he just can't stop himself.

He's also the cheesy kind of affectionate person. He would gift his lover silly things like flowers.

Spring was in full bloom and it could be felt all around Kattegat, making everybody happier. Women enjoying the warmth of the sun, kids running around finally able to play outside and the prospect of raiding exciting the most adventurous.

Walking around town a small group of young girls tried to finish the chores their mothers had asked them to complete. But spring also brought around new beginnings...and the prospect of new love.

A commotion in the market brought them out of their conversation. Making its way between the groups of people and shouting apologies was a blond man. Of course the ruckus was his doing.

As soon as he spotted the group of girls his smile grew and his step became faster. The group turned to look at one of them, who was busying herself with a loose thread in her clothes to avoid being seen.

Hvitserk stopped promptly when he reached the girls and with a soft nod he acknowledged them, but his gaze was on the only one who wasn't looking at him. Clearing his throat he pushed a white and purplish flower in her direction.

"Good morning, my dearest." The girls around him tried to hold their laughter but failed. "I saw this flower and thought of you."

A chuckle was hard from one of the friends but was quickly disguised as a cough when several harsh glares were thrown her way.

"Thank you Hvitserk, it's a beautiful lady of the snows."

"It is...but now that it's in your hands it's lost all it's beauty compared to yours."

F - family (do they want to start a family?)

Hvitserk definitely would like a family, a big one too. The idea of his legacy passing down through generations fills him with excitement. He would get worried sometimes because his family wasn't the best. But the he remembers how much he cares for his brothers, even when they are at eachother's throats, and the worries would go away.

The idea of a family wasn't always in his mind though. When he was a child he dreamed of being a great warrior and conquering new lands. When he became a your man and started falling for girls, he never envisioned more than a fun time in the woods.

It wasn't until his thirst for battle dwindled a bit and he found a girl he actually wanted for more than just fun that the idea of a family started creeping up.

But even when it's decided to start a family he wouldn't care much about how long it took for pregnancy to happen. The gods know how much he enjoys the process.

L - love language (what's their love language?)

Physical touch is how Hvitserk expresses love. He sometimes might find it difficult to talk about his feelings and he finds that a touch can convey more than a thousand words.

Nobody is surprised by the touches that are shared by Hvitserk and his lover during feasts or even walking through Kattegat. He has a reputation of being a lover. But nobody knows how much those touches convey between the lovers.

Gift giving is also a big way for him to express his love. Especially when it comes to gifts from raiding. He uses them to tell his lover that they are always in his mind. It doesn't even have to be gold or jewels. It's usually something more personal.

He experiences the most love through words of affirmation. Either big praises when nobody cares about his part in a big fight or raid; or small affirmations about how good his hunt was or how he looked.

R - rivals (how do they handle jealousy?)

At first he would just laugh, because he had expected everybody to know who his lover is and not to mess with them. Who would want one of the Ragnarsson's against them?

When the other man ddoesn't relent in his flirting, and he can't see you trying to resist, his blood starts to boil. Probably because he feels threatened and Ivar's remarks about the situation are not helping.

He would either get too angry because he doesn't see any fight on his lover's part and try to get them jealous too by flirting with other girls. Which would just degenerate in a big fight that could be heard from every house in Kattegat.

Or he would get angry at the man and all hell would break loose. He would punch before asking, starting a fight that ended with Hvitserk sporting a black eye and busted knuckles. Ivar scoffing about how he didn't fight properly and his lover angry at him for the scene.

But he could easy convince her to stop being angry, that's why they call him charming.

V - vulnerable (how vulnerable do they allow themselves to get?)

Very vulnerable. At first he would be guarded because he's not used to let his feelings known, always shadowed by Ivar's big and uncontrollable emotions.

But when he feels comfortable he will let his guard down, just wanting to let everything he has been holding inside for so long go. And maybe start healing his emotional wounds.

[stellocchia]

hmm, yeah that makes sense! i love reading your analyses and make the most sense. thanks for the response! i also have another question. why do you think there are c!dream apologists? like people who GENUINELY believe he did no wrong. and i'm just going to tell you: there are a lot of them on twitter. but... i just don't get why or how this happened? because since the beginning c!dream never really fit the whole "hero" role? I just... can't see where they're coming from.

Awww, thanks Anon! Glad you enjoy my takes!

As for c!Dream apologists I honestly think it could be a number of things:

1) There are quite a number of people who clearly fail to differentiate between c!Dream and cc!Dream and therefore treat the first one like the latter defending him no matter what. My best guess is that this is mostly younger viewers? But I have no proofs of this so don't take it as a fact.

2) There are quite a few people who brag about never watching Tommy's pov and that kinda make it their identity to be a Tommy-anti, now, aside from me personally not understanding how that's any fun for anyone, this does take away a good chunk of c!Dream's worst actions. Which leads us to number 3

3) There are people who come into the fandom completely misinformed and only get their information from biased sources instead of watching the source material. If, for example, all you know about exile is that "Tommy burned down George's house and threatened Dream with the remains of his beloved horse and was exiled because of this" you have a very distorted view of the events, not realizing that Tommy really didn't do that much damage (the house getting blown up later on by Sapnap) and the blackmailing attempt was truly only a desperate reaction to Dream's own threats. It also doesn't give you a comprehensive understanding of what "exile" actually was

4) Lastly I think one of the points is that c!Dream's manipulation and propaganda simply works. You can see it in how so many of the people defending him simply parrot his arguments without really thinking much about it. Like how many times have you heard people complain about how "Tommy started all the conflicts on the server" since Drem said it without any of them ever fact checking this and realizing that it is bullshit? How many times have you heard people saying that he "just wanted the server to be a big happy family" without realizing that he was about to kill Tubbo, kidnap Tommy again and manipulate and blackmail every single person in the server? People talk about "L'Manburg propaganda" in season 1 but this one is actually the best exmple of effective propaganda we have on the server!

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

Hey, this is about the age of consent post. I don't know how it is where you live, but I know in the US the age of consent doesn't mean "U can't have sex until X age" it means "An adult will go to jail for having sex with anyone under X age." It's not meant to stop teens from screwing each other, it's meant to stop gross adults from screwing teens/children.

first of all i should point out i am referring specifically to a thread where their reasoning was based on their own maturity level at that age, which they seemed to think should be a barometer for the law, regardless of the fact that their experiences are not universal.

secondly idk if the law is actually different where you are but here that is only one facet of it. legally it still means that people under that age are considered to be unable to consent to sex even if both are under that age. while i think it's rare for this to be prosecuted it does limit the resources people have access to if things go bad. criminalising things doesn't make them not happen, it just makes it harder for people to access resources

in some places there's a "romeo & juliet" defense where it isn't subject to prosecution if both are close in age and neither is in a position of power, but that isn't universal (e.g. i think this exists in ireland but i don’t think it exists in the uk, uk law is very much like... it is illegal for people under 16 to have sex, with anyone. just because it’s rare for people to get prosecuted for it doesn’t mean it’s legal!)

but also like. 18 is an adult. i knew people who were fully independent of their parents at 18, working full time and living with a partner. there would be no power differential between them and a 21y/o in the same position. i also knew people at 18 who very much weren't, but there is no universal age of maturity, because people are different. also I can't speak for anyone else but once I got to uni etc, age really stopped coming up in conversations with my peers (because... they were my peers regardless), so if you're expecting people of that age to stick to some 2/3-year age gap for arbitrary legal reasons I reckon it's all gonna get fucked

raising the age of consent to 21 is stupid, infantilising and basically just gives governments another way to hurt queer people (can you really see them enforcing that equally for straight people? dream on). there was also a lot of swerfy stuff on the thread, as you can imagine ("20yos should never do any kind of sex work") which -- again, criminalising it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. it just means those people can't get help when they need it, because they would end up facing legal bullshit themselves. NOT TO MENTION it also sets a precedent for raising age of consent for medical procedures, and let's be real, who would that hurt first? trans people. it's like. half a step from "no sex until 21" to "no hormones until 21". this is not a bullshit "slippery slope" argument, this is a fact, with precedent, that debates about at what age people can make choices about their own body have wider implications, and that when your governments have a vested interest in limiting trans people's access to care (especially young trans people), that's going to be the first thing to be hit by it

so yeah trying to protect young people is important. but this isn't the way to do it. you can't legislate gross people out of existence like this -- all you do is hurt the vulnerable more. what you can do instead is remove barriers to resources and stuff that put young people in a vulnerable position where they might be exploited (including things like jobs and housing, because people get stuck in abusive relationships when they don't have the resources to leave), as well as educate people about healthy relationships and empower them to make their own choices. that way people who aren't ready to have sex at 18? don't have to! the resources part is crucial there -- you need to create a situation where it IS a choice -- but legislation can't do the job of those resources.

now what we SHOULD change is the fact that you can also join the *army* at 16 in the UK, even if you can't be deployed until 18 -- and believe me they advertise HARD to teenagers and do everything they can to convince you it's a good bonding experience :) :) please sign up to learn how to murder :) :) because *that* is fucked up and that *is* the kind of evil you can legislate out of existence, most other countries already have because recruiting teenagers is fucked up

anyway. will not be engaging in any more discourse about this. didn't expect anyone to read the post, was just venting for my own relief

[flamesdemon]

• about my cipher canon, there are some things i would like to say

• something that i think differentiates me from uhm possibly other ciphers is that i didn't have friends in the nightmare realm. like, those guys that appear in the show, the henchmaniacs, they didn't exist in my canon. and i think that makes things very different for me.

• because i was alone in the nightmare realm, when i met stanford, i clung to him. yes, my main objective was to merge the human realm and the nightmare realm from the start, and that's why i reached out to stanford in the first place, but when we became close, it was kinda inevitable. the weird part of it is.. i probably wasn't supposed to feel attached to him that way because as far as i can remember, demons don't form friendships like humans do, what demons call friends are just uhm.. partners in crime, not people you like to spend time with.

• from then on it was a rollercoaster. stanford discovered my main goal and felt betrayed, and at that time i didn't think nothing of it? i didn't knew that i was atached to him, that i considered him a friend. he tried to destroy everything we worked on and that goes pretty much like the show canon until.. uhm.. the twins appear.

• i started observing the rest of the pines family, maybe in hope that they would do something to bring stanford back? so maybe we could be friends again? deep inside me, yes, that's exactly what i wanted, but i didn't even tried to think about this, because the idea was so weird to me. and i don't remember how me and pinetree dipper even started talking semi regularly, but i'm pretty sure it wasn't like the show canon either.

• there was a point were i was extremely attached to every single one of them, dipper, mabel, stanley and.. stanford, but he was still missing. but still, even if i liked to spend time with them, i'm not sure if they felt the same about me. especially dipper, i'm pretty sure he hated me for some reason? i really don't know why, i can't remember why, but i think he probably knew what i was trying to do. i never really abandoned my plan, i tried to focus on it all the time, so i wouldn't realize what was happening between me and the pines family. i didn't want to admit that they were fun to watch, fun to and hang out with and especially i didn't want to admit that i considered them friends.

• but that didn't last forever, because stanford came back. when that happened, even the part of the family that felt neutral about me started to hate me. stanford told them that i manipulated him, which i kinda did so fair enough, but that pretty much destroyed any kind of positive bond between us. that's when i decided to go 100% on my plan, because now i had stanford there and maybe i could use him to help me again.

• i don't remeber how it happened but when the weirdmageddon started, the first hours i was the happiest i've ever been, i mean that was my dream since i don't even remember when! but.. uhm, after some time.. i didn't felt happy anymore. i was alone again, why did it matter having my own paradise if i was alone to enjoy it?

• my sadness became anger. i was angry that i wasn't happy, why wasn't i happy? so uhm.. i might have kidnapped stanford to help me sort out my feelings. i can say he wasn't very happy about that. i tried to talk to stanford and he kept thinking that i was hiding something from him, that "someone like bill cipher would never need someone to help him with his own feelings". ehrm, somehow i actually got something important from this conversation. and that was the moment i realized, without the pines family i couldn't be happy, because i grew attached to them, because i considered them my friends, even if the feeling wasn't reciprocated.

• using stanford as a captive, the rest of the pines family came to my fortress. i tried to talk to them, to make them understang my feelings, and i said that i wanted them to stay with me because i liked them, but it's very obvious that they didn't believe me. if they had, i wouldn't be here today. well, what happened next is they defeated me, no, i didn't even tried to fight them, i was probably too devastated to be angry with them.

• who would've guessed that the agent of chaos, bill cipher, was so emotional, and so deeply connected with humans?

[thestarseersystem]

vent about previous post. i kinda had a breakdown in here. tw about things that can make you dissociate. I dont know what though. DPDR maybe?

now Im thinking of how bad is my trauma? because of that post. Im just gonna say... I don't know. I probably won't know the depth of it.

Ive said this before, but its been hard to understand that I have symptoms because of people I've grown up with have had more overt symptoms than I have, so to accept that I went through something tragic is difficult to perceive.

I am pretty sure that I was abducted at some point, but I have no recollection of anything that could imply that, my family doesn't know anything, and there's subtle signs, but I don't know if anything actually happened. I don't have any overt reasons. And also, I am pretty sure that I had a ritual performed on me, by the cult that my dad was in, by "family friends". And I am pretty sure it happened, but there's so many gaps in my memory and just dreams. I dont know if anything actually happened or not.

And like, of course, things I do remember, that I have been bullied since preschool, I dont know why, but it happened. I can't give you details, but it happened. And other stuff like that. Things I know happened but don't actually know specifics. My childhood is that and shattered, but lighthearted memories.

I don't know if my trauma was severe or not. And it's just... really unsettling that it could have been worse. I feel so.. somewhat envious of my friends who know more than me, and it brings me so much paranoia that they know their overt symptoms, but I don't know anything at all. And it's plagued me for years, this inherent feeling of just being "different" and "ostracized". So.. I get this sense of feeling that it's "not fair". But I don't even know what happened to me, or who I am sometimes. Its not fair that I can't remember, but I hate the fact that other people want to forget, I don't want to forget all the important things. I don't want to forget all the good memories I had with my dad, even though he's dead. I don't want to forget all the important things. But I don't know and it's scary.

And I don't know if I'm like everyone else. Because I feel so different from everyone around me. It's frightening. I want to be so badly like the people around me... So like.

I don't think people get that there's those like me who dont have a distinction between regular trauma and severe. I don't know who I am or what happened to me. And I've treated it as normal for about 20 years. It's fucking crazy that I identify with every single symptom of polyfragmentation but I am still unwilling to accept that I have DID. It's fucked. I don't know what I am.

So even if it's in front of my eyes, that I was killed and brought back to life, I still won't know and won't accept it. I don't think people understand how dissociating it is to try to differentiate it. Its so simple to make a generalized statement, and say its nuanced, but its absolutely.... unable to understand. i dont know how to deal with that.

system error.

[star-going-supernova]

What if demon!Henry became human?

@liliflower137 asked me put this stuff out there from some of our discussions about my Inky Eyes, Golden Heart AU. These are answers to theoretical questions, and I haven’t decided whether or not these events can be considered canon to the AU. This is very long, but it’s separated into sections through specific questions. Hope you enjoy them!  :)

What if Henry became human for a week without knowing that it would only last that long?

Okay, I'm not going to go into how this might've happened, but we'll leave it at this: he's turned completely one-hundred percent human, something that lasts a week but, like you said, he doesn't know that going into this. For all anyone knows, he'll be human forever.

So first of all, Henry was never disdainful of humans. In fact, he does things the human way more often than not, meaning as far as his powers go, he's not totally reliant on them. This is good. He won't be completely lost, given that he's been living on earth since before he even met Joey. In terms of that, while he'd really freaking miss his powers, he wouldn't be lost without them.

But then we get to the bits of being a demon that he was never consciously aware of being different, mainly: his aura.

~ Let's talk about demon auras real quick.

A demon's aura does a lot of things. With it, they can read emotions in the people around them, they can sort of scan their surroundings for fellow non-humans, they can check on their human friend's wellbeing; it can essentially be this additional, intangible limb that gathers information beyond what humans are capable of. We'll call it a Sixth Sense, in addition to sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste.

But then there are other things, more demon-type things, that an aura can do. It registers the Seven Deadly Sins (although that can be better controlled with age), it warns them of nearby religious symbols, it can manifest itself in unnatural ways (as seen in The Demon that Wasn't), it can affect the emotions and thoughts of those nearby (as seen in chapter 3 of Dreams Come True), detect summonings, alter/switch between physical forms, and so on. 

The demonic aura is, simply put, a power source. It’s The Thing that differentiates them from humans. Literally, give a human an aura, they're a demon; take one away from a demon, they're a human— technically speaking, nothing else is necessary to switch back and forth. It's within them, it surrounds them, they can curl it close and stretch it out.

When Henry becomes human, all that happens is his aura is removed. No harm comes to him, there isn't a twisting of limbs or screaming or anything like that. And that's what's so devastating about it: he just lost something that was so intrinsically him, and the world keeps turning, as though no one noticed.

Within seconds of it happening, Henry collapses, everything feeling muted and dull around him. He's gasping, he can't breath, he can't feel anything. He's not Henry anymore. There's no doubt that he would've gone absolutely completely mad, bonkers, cuckoo, insane— whatever you want to call it, he would've been it within a minute or two. If, that is, Joey hadn't been there.

It takes Joey over an hour to calm Henry down enough to be able to breathe and talk. That first day is a nightmare for both of them. Henry can't stop shivering, he's distant, lost, empty almost, and Joey's never felt so useless in his entire life.

Before the first 24 hours are even up, Henry almost absently tries to kill himself. It's not even a true, conscious decision. His body feels dead already, because it wasn't made to be this way. Joey's mind can't comprehend demon antics; Henry's can't comprehend being aura-less. Like a wounded animal, he's given up.

Joey freaks out. He refuses to so much as leave Henry's side after that, going so far as to handcuff them together. The day after, Henry just trudges along behind him, still not fully aware that he's actually still alive. That's how traumatizing it is.

~ So the almost killing himself thing. Immediately after losing his aura, Henry's body basically shuts down on the intellectual level, leaving only the most basic parts of him functioning. He's not fully aware, is what I'm getting at. Think of it as a sort of defense mechanism on his mind's part, like some people do with trauma. He's just sort of... sealed away. “Henry" is basically comatose, while his body and basic instincts run the show. His body then decides that an even better coping mechanism would to be just putting him out of his misery. Joey's apartment/house (who even knows where they live) had a mouse problem a few months earlier, and he still has rat poison in one of the supply cupboards in his kitchen (not near food or cooking utensils though). Joey's just making some lunch or dinner or doing the dishes, whatever, and he absently notices Henry rummaging around a bit. He doesn't think much of it, until he glances over his shoulder and sees Henry about to drink something— but Joey never heard the fridge open. Gut instinct has him race over there and wrench the bottle away, thankfully before any damage could be done. Henry doesn't fight or anything, because he's not aware enough for even the full ramifications of what he'd almost done to hit him. Joey still breaks out the handcuffs, 'cause no way is something like that happening again, not on his watch. Even after his aura returns, Henry doesn't really remember doing it, and Joey doesn't worry him with saying anything.

But then, he sorta starts to 'wake up,' in a sense. He becomes more responsive, takes the initiative on a few things, eats without prompting, and it's when he makes a joke about the handcuffs ("You just couldn't stand to be apart from my shining personality, eh, Joey?") that Joey knows his friend is coming back to him.

By the beginning of Day Four As A Human, Henry's mostly functioning. He still has these sort of blank moments, when his eyes go dead, but the handcuff comes off and he's able to make a true effort.

The worst part to Joey is that he can't give his friend a silver lining. Henry was already doing human things, so it's not like Joey can take him on some grand adventure to show him the Perks of Being Human.

Over the next few days, they learn just how many mundane things his aura provided for/prevented from happening: Henry is abysmal at reading body language, has a tendency to walk into walls when he's not paying attention (which is often), ends up covered in bruises and scratches and scrapes from many little accidents, somehow manages to get lost four times in the studio, and ends up being allergic to peanuts and shellfish.

But the worst is something he doesn't tell Joey about. It's his drawing. No, his aura didn't make him better or anything. On a technical and professional level, his animations haven't changed a bit. But Bendy and the others don't feel real anymore. Every time he drew them, his love and happiness and passion for his work combined with his aura to give his characters the closest things to emotions and thoughts that not-living, 2D drawings could have. They weren't alive on the page (not in the 2D Bendy AU sense) but he could almost feel them in his soul. This is why Joey saw that longing when Henry looked at them; they were already semi-real, but he never thought they'd ever leave the paper.

Overall, Henry would be okay. He'd never be fully over it, never forget what it felt like to be whole, never completely recover from the absence of an integral part of himself, but with Joey's help, he'd be able to survive. The biggest loss to him would be the drawing thing, because it was the equivalent of if they had died overnight or something. He never got to say goodbye.

Naturally, he comes to resigned terms with his new state of being at the end of the week and then wakes up whole again, aura returned. He freaks out, overjoyed, and probably accidentally makes all the plants in a ten mile radius flourish (which pisses him off, to be honest, because he can't even do that when he wants to, what even) with the sheer force of his happiness.

To celebrate, he teleports himself and Joey to Italy, because Joey's always wanted authentic Italian food, and what better way to thank his best friend for being there for him during those trying times than to pop them over to the other side of the world for some good food.

Henry spends an entire day doing nothing but drawing his characters, because they're alive again, just like him.

More humorous take, inspired by Lili:

Hypothetically, lets say that Henry experienced whatever curse or illness or whatever it was that briefly took his aura away before, when he was a kid/teenager. His parents ended up taking him to the hospital since he was so messed up, but after a week, he was back to normal. The doctors were baffled, but oh well. So Henry finds out more about whatever it was, and learns that short of a deal to sell his aura, it can't leave him permanently.

Jump to adults Henry and Joey, and this happens again, and Henry does one of those full body Ghibli shivers and races to Joey's house despite knowing that he'll be okay soon.

Joey screams when Henry literally kicks in his door and shouts, "JOEY, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH MY AURA AND I'M HUMAN NOW."

And Joey's on the verge of an aneurism ("NO DON'T, I CAN'T HEAL YOU") until Henry finally gets around to the part about his aura returning in a few days time. Cue massive amounts of amusement for the entire studio ('cause you bet they'd let everyone know) as Henry proves to be a perfectly normal human, just with terrible human sense (aka, all that walking into walls, getting startled easily, somehow ends up lost for several hours at least four times, and so on).

What if the toons were alive when Henry got turned into a human? Or if it was during a time when the rest of the studio knew about him? Is there anything they would be able (or at least try) to do to help?

If the toons were alive, they’d all stick to him like glue, just as distraught as him over it. Because we might joke about the Dad Thing, but there’s a connection that’s forged between a Creator and Creation with the way they did it, and with Henry losing his demon aura, that connection would vanish, for all of them. There wouldn’t be a soul in the entire studio capable of separating Bendy from Henry during the entire duration, and in a way, that would help Henry massively. Joey’s awesome, and there’s no way Henry would’ve survived that week without him, but Bendy would help in an entirely different way. All three of them would. 

(When Henry gets his aura back, there’s a celebration, but at the end of the night, he does exactly what his and Bendy’s auras have been aching to do, and teleports them to a quiet peaceful place. Neither of them are ashamed to admit that they cry pretty hard over it. The loss had been great and terrible for both of them in ways none of the others would’ve been able to understand. They’re both demons whose main personality trait is kindness, and having each other was a dream come true. Henry losing that nearly destroyed him, and Bendy losing that almost sent him into off-model despair on multiple occasions that only Henry had been able to coax him out of. Being brought back together like this would set off All the Emotions, and they’d need some time to themselves to work through them.)

The rest of the studio wouldn’t really know what to do. They mourn the loss, of course they do, because they know what it means to Henry and they can see how destroyed he is. He’s lost a piece of himself, and they offer space and comfort as needed. Towards the end of the week, there would’ve been secret discussions held between the main employees about possibly making a deal with a demon to get Henry his aura back, no matter what it cost them. Because that’s what you do for family, and Sammy hadn’t quite been as ignorant of that budding lung cancer as we thought, and Norman noticed when he stopped seeing dark and dangerous things on the edge of his vision, and Wally knew that a previously shaky wall was magically sturdy, and countless others. Henry might never have mentioned anything, much less asked for something in return, but that doesn’t mean his Acts of Kindness went unnoticed. After everything he’s done for them, of course they’d be willing to do something so potentially dangerous in return. Thank goodness he got his aura back before they could go through with it.

(As a note: that part listing things Henry has done for them in secret was from another question of Lili’s about deals that Henry made with the studio workers. Let me know if anyone wants to see that part too.)

If Henry had stayed as a human forever, would he have eventually told Joey about the drawing thing?

Not on his own. If he ever did, it’d be because Joey noticed that something was really wrong, and kept pushing until Henry spilled.

After that heartbreaking conversation, Henry would go home, but Joey would stay in his office, thinking.

Maybe… maybe he could bring them to life for Henry. Maybe, with a little bit of magick and— and a Machine…

Besides. What could go wrong?

What about when Henry realizes that he’s not immortal anymore, in the permanent situation?

Immortality was never a super important thing to him. He can get over the fact that he’s not going to live for something close to forever now. Worse for him would be the growing old part, and all the helplessness that comes with that. As discussed, he’s rather accident prone without his aura, and he regularly gives Joey little mini heart attacks because gosh dang it Henry, things can actually hurt you now!

One of the reasons losing his immortality doesn’t really phase him as much as it might’ve is that he knows he and Joey and all their other friends will get to live and die together.

On the other hand, though, if the toons were already created, Henry would go a little bit insane from the thought that he’d be leaving them behind, and in that case, well… he might take some drastic measures à la something akin to the Ink Machine. Someone with all that demonic knowledge suddenly determined to cheat death one way or another? Yeah, that would probably be the worst case scenario.