#and now we’re talking about english letter transcriptions and sounds and noises

[simcardiac-arrested]

what if the jokeen could beatbox

[little-smartass]

THE VAMPIRE LESTAT COVER ALBUM - the legendary Vampire Lestat is back and bigger and badder than ever, this time bringing a whole album of song covers ranging from classic bangers to newer fresh takes on chart hits! get your copy now, complete with a transcript of the artist's commentary on each song!

(songs I think Lestat would cover and release as an album in an attempt to re-kickstart his career and/or make some sort of dramatic statement to Louis. tracklist and "artist commentary" under the cut)

Survival - Muse

“And I’ll reveal my strength, to the whole human race, yes I am prepared, to stay alive, and I won’t forgive, and vengeance is mine, and I won’t give in, because I choose to thrive! Yeah I’m gonna win!”

Oh, I wish this song had been around back on that opening night at the Cow Palace - how apt that would have been! What a fucking anthem! They would have been rioting all night. I mean, they already were, but, like, because of the music. Not because vampires were being immolated in the middle of the crowd. Different kind of riot.

The Bitch Is Back - Elton John

“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact, I can bitch, I can bitch, ‘cause I’m better than you, it’s the way that I move, the things that I do!”

One day I want to have this play as I walk into Night Island. I’ll time it perfectly so that I throw off my coat - my denim jacket, or- oh, no, a fur! Maximum drama! - just as the chorus starts. Armand will know that I’m coming of course, but I think that’ll just make it even better. And I have good memories to this song... [muffled question] Sorry, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, bébé. [laughter]

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic

"Oh my, feels just like I don’t try, look so good I might die, all I know is everybody loves me, head down, swaying to my own sound, flashes in my face now, all I know is everybody loves me”

Look, do I even need to explain this one? Didn’t think so.

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

"I don't give a damn ‘bout my reputation, I've never been afraid of any deviation, and I don't really care if you think I'm strange, I ain't gonna change - and I'm never gonna care bout my bad reputation"

This one's fairly self-explanatory again. It could have been my personal anthem when I was mortal quite honestly. And it's an awful lot of fun to jump about and headbang to, don't you think? That's a new thing I've found out about, headbanging. People have been hopping about to music looking like fools for centuries but now there's a name for it. Fantastic.

bad guy - Billie Eilish

"I’m that bad type, make your mama sad time, make your girlfriend mad type, might seduce your dad time… I’m the bad guy. Duh.”

Creepy? Check. Sexy? Check. Tongue-in-cheek? Check check. This song was great and a lot of fun to cover.

Lover to Lover - Florence + the Machine

“I believe there’s no salvation for me now, no space among the clouds, and I feel I’m heading down, but that’s alright, that’s alright, that’s alright”

I don’t know, this one just felt very relevant. Also the piano was great to do. You might have noticed that I’ve picked a lot of songs with piano, and that’s because I bullied the studio into getting me a goooooorgeous grand piano for the recording space and I wanted to use it as much as possible!

Feeling Good - Muse

“Stars when you shine, you know how I feel, scent of the pine, you know how I feel, oh freedom is mine, and I know how I feel”

I just really like this song - I’ve done a cover of an excellent cover! Can- can you put emojis in this? Do people still use emojis? Well imagine I’ve put the shrug one. Wait, isn’t there- Daniel, Daniel, come here, isn’t there a shrug emoji made up of keyboard- [muffled words] yes! The shrug one! Yes, put that in the transcription. [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] I just like this song.

The Man - The Killers

“I got gas in the tank, I got money in the bank, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man, I got skin in the game, I got a household name, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man”

I feel like this one speaks for itself too. Can you put that shrug emoji thing in here again? [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] Yes!

J'ai Pas Envie - MIKA

J'ai pas envie, de faire comme si, comme les maris, qui disent oui, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie d'te faire plaisir, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, si tu m'aimes viens me le dire"

Look, I'm not going to translate the whole song for you, because it has all this clever wordplay you just totally lose in english… but the gist of it is that these two lovers are… at odds a lot. It's… it's maybe a little spiteful [laughter] but in a fun way! It's a fun song! Louis won't even be mad about it, it's MIKA.

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

"When I'm not with you, think of you always (I miss those long hot summer nights), when I'm not with you, think of me always, always"

[Long pause] God, I miss Freddie.

Let 'Em Talk - Kesha

Ah, full disclosure - I put this song in purely because of the expression Louis made when I played it in the car and it got to the line “can suck my dick” and she did that popping noise… it was incredible, and I just knew I had to cover it so I could see his expression when I said that. I can’t wait to play it to him. [laughter]

So What - P!nk

"So so what, I'm still a rockstar, I got my rock moves, and I don't need you, and guess what? I'm having more fun, and now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, (and you're a tool, so)"

I'm actually a big fan of nineties and noughties female stars - all that grrrrrrrl power, it's great fun, you know? I'd say this one is fairly self-explanatory, because I am still a rockstar! This is my new album! Fuck you EMP and your sniffy little article calling me "washed up"!

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

"But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?"

This one could be self-deprecating, but it's also very vindictively angry at the same time, and that's a combination I definitely get. Like, oh, it's my fault, isn't it? It's my fucking fault again, what a surprise. Perhaps "learn from your mother or you'll spend your days biting your own neck" is a little on the nose… [muffled words] you've read my books, right? [muffled words] Good, good.

Missy - The Airbourne Toxic Event

"But I swear there's still some good in me, I think if you'd stuck around you'd see, all the botched attempts at integrity I once had"

Oh, I was feeling philosophical when I picked this one. No, philosophical isn't the right word… melancholy? Do people still use that word? "I swear I swear I swear I'll never get sad" is both furiously defiant and yet so self-defeatingly ironic. [Exasperated noise] Enough of that. Next!

Please Don't Leave Me - P!nk

"I don't know if I can yell any louder, how many times have I kicked you out of here, or said something insulting? I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of nearly anything, when my heart is broken… (please, please don't leave me)"

Oh, we’re… we’re getting to this section now. [clearing throat] Well, I have to make up for that sucking dick line, don’t I? Get a bit vulnerable. Oh God, why did I decide to do this bit? [muffled words] [bad chicago accent] But why buy the cow? Because you love him, you really do. [sigh, laughter]

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons

"Oh, I always let you down, shattered on the ground, still I find you there, next to me, and oh, the stupid things I do, I'm far from good it's true, still I find you, next to me"

Why did I- I don’t remember putting so many of these ones in.

Run To You - Pentatonix

"I've been settling scores, I've been fighting so long, but I've lost your war, and our kingdom is gone... how shall I win back your heart which was mine? I have broken bones and tattered clothes, I've run out of time"

[Sigh] [clears throat] Yeah. I think we can move onto the next one.

Love of My Life - Queen

“Love of my life, don't leave me, you've stolen my love, you now desert me, love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me, because you don't know, what it means to me”

I play this one sometimes on my baby grand when we've had a fight, and it's impossible for him to stay angry. He's a sucker for this sort of… formality in romance. God, I wish I'd realised that earlier. If I'd written him a letter in fancy copperplate script with scented paper and enclosed rose petals politely requesting him to bend me over his desk back in the day, it might not have taken two centuries of mutual blue balls for us to figure our shit out. Ah well, live and learn… as it were. [muffled words] Look, I did a whole bunch of vulnerable songs! Now I get to make sex jokes! [laughter] oh fuck off.

[continuouscalamity]

CHAPTER 1 TRIAL TRANSCRIPT

Ding! Dong! Ding!

"Alright, ya filthy worms-- it's trial time! Quit yer teen drama and blubberin' and head down to the first floor in the foyer! Oink, I'll go from there, ya hear!? Oink!"

TRIAL 1 - BEGINNING

[Trial chart done by Mod War]

[3:18 PM] Monoboar!: As you all crowd into the elevator and the doors shut behind you, the noise of the elevator slowly descending down rings in your ears, the low, ominous hum of everything moving around you.

The more you descend, the more it dawns on you-- someone had truly died... someone who was a beacon of light, a light that someone had taken upon them to snuff out.

While you're scared, you can guess what could happen now... in this deadly class trial...!

....

The elevator finally stops to it's destination, revealing a large trial room, with stands all in a circle. One stand in particular only dons a portrait of the late Akihiko Oshiro, a grim reminder of what you're all here for. [3:19 PM] Monoboar!: @Alive (You may have walk to their stands.) [3:20 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: ...Lake reluctantly let go of Hazel and Wilma's hands, looking at them both with a slightly tense expression. [3:21 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "This is all mighty theatrical," Wilma says, with barely hidden disgust in her voice. She squeezes Lake's hand and lets go, walking to her own stand and examining it as if it was going to come to life and eat her. [3:21 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn takes a shuddering breath as her eyes land on Akihiko's portrait. This was horrible. She walks around and finds a stand with her name on it, and silently and falls to a crouch at it, curled up in a ball. [3:21 PM] Willy | DDR King: Willy steps out and looks around the place whilst going to his stand. [3:21 PM] Riku Yasui...: Riku exited the elevator then quickly made his way to his stand. [3:21 PM] Eri [around]: Eri looks around the trial room before walking over to her stand. [3:21 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Artemis cringes at the portrait, Akihko deserved much better than this. She scowled, a foul mood setting in anew as she took her stand. [3:21 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Cerviel walked in, arms wrapped carefully around himself. He stepped up to his stand and took a deep breath. [3:21 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...What the fuck are we doing here again?"

@Monoboar (Mars) [3:21 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Wallace steps up to his stand like it's the most natural thing in the world. He surveys everyone around him as if it's actually a throne. [3:21 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana stomps over to her stand and grips it tightly. "Okay," she begins, voice shaking ever so slightly. "whoever did this needs to tell me NOW so I can banish you from my kingdom forever and ever and EVER!" she yells. [3:22 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Except he's next to Artemis. Which he isn't all that happy about. [3:22 PM] Rayne Maelstrom 👹 Investigation: Rayne walks to their stand. Hello [3:22 PM] Monoboar!: "Woah, woah!" Monoboar cuts in, appearing on a tall throne. "Lemme introduce the trial, you impatient worms!" [3:22 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "SHUT UP! YOU SMELL LIKE A BARN! I HATE YOU!" [3:22 PM] Monoboar!: "Eh? Like that's an insult?" [3:22 PM] Monoboar!: "Anyways!" [3:22 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: She heads to her stand. "What's all this?" [3:23 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: Lake groaned. [3:23 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie heads to his stand and avoids looking at Akihiro's portrait. I would too. [3:23 PM] Qiuyue Xu ♣ Foyer: Qiuyue at her stand. [3:23 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Yeah! It is! You look dumb and stupid! I hate you!" [3:23 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Artemis gives Wallace a death glare. This is awful. [3:23 PM] Monoboar!: "All this is th' trial room! You gotta have a class trial to find out who did the dirty deed! Usin' the clues you found after th' crime, you gotta discuss it all here! 'Course, there's some certain limits-- jus' make sure you ain't talkin' over each other!" [3:24 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Oh hi she's right across from Wallace. She gives him a look. :( [3:25 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...Why do we have to figure it out? You started this, you figure it out!" [3:25 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: At least he was next to the One person he's really talked to. That's something. [3:25 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: Also, retcon. Lake's still holding Hazel's hand. [3:25 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana's quiet for a minute, just frowning at the ground. [3:25 PM] Monoboar!: "Enough gab! Let's get this show on th' road!"

Slamming a gavel onto the arm of his chair, he officially declares the trial open for business.

"Let the trial for Akihiko Oshiro, Ultimate Lucky Student start!"

[GIF LINK]

[Sketch done by Mod Death, Finalization done by Mod War]

[3:26 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...That didn't answer my question!" [3:27 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana hated what he just said. She hated hearing Aki's name come out of his mouth. She hated that THEY had to solve all this, and she hated that SHE had to witness it! "Just be quiet, stupid hog! Smelly pig! Just be quiet!" [3:27 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "S-So..." Hazel started, looking around at everyone. "...where should we start...?" [3:28 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: 'Ugh, not listening to it probably won't help, as much as I don't want to play detective when it should be left to professionals...' [3:29 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Um..." Lake coughed, "Don't they usually, um... talk about the... the body first in crime shows? Or what?" [3:29 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "That sounds smart, Lady of the Lake." Hazel nods. [3:30 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looks at Hazel sadly. [3:30 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: :cluebullet: "The victim received one stab wound to his lower back, and four to the chest," Wallace recited. "As far as I can tell, those were the only wounds." [3:31 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "God..." Lake covered her mouth as she attempted to fight against the rock in her throat. [3:31 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn winces. "T-Too much," she mumbles. "... One was enough..." She glares at the stand in front of her, feeling sick just hearing about it. [3:31 PM] Willy | DDR King: { "Like a slasher movie more than a detective show if you ask me..." } [3:31 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel sniffles, trembling. [3:31 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: { "D-Don't even get me fucking started...!" } [3:31 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma frowns.

"I assume the one to the back was received while th' victim was...trying to escape." She says slowly. "Then the others to. Finish the job." [3:32 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: { "You all make me wanna tear out my hair!" } [3:32 PM] Riku Yasui...: :cluebullet: "His eyes were also red and puffy, as if he had been crying.  There was also a distinct bloody handprint over his mouth." [3:32 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: Heavy breathing! [3:32 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma's frown morphs into a glare.

"Someone tried to stop 'im from calling for help." [3:32 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana whined, covering her mouth. She didn't have anything to say. [3:32 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel covers her mouth. [3:32 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Wallace nods. :consentbullet: "I agree with Wilma. He received the stab to the back before the other wounds." [3:33 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Shut uuup...please..." [3:33 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "H-How did you figure that out?" [3:33 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie shakes his head, somehow surprised at how they could stomach that.

:cluebullet: "He wrote somethin' out from his blood, a dying message, most likely. But I can't remember what it said.." [3:34 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looked like she was in mortal anguish. [3:34 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: :consentbullet: "Yeah, I-I think it, um... kind of looked like a letter?" [3:34 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "I remember." Wilma concurs. ":consentbullet: It was a V-shape, but it was kind of messed up. I don't know if that was the letter he was tryin' for." [3:35 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn furrows her brows. "Like, maybe... M-Maybe a W, or... Or a Y? Or.. S-Something?" [3:35 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "M-Maybe it was supposed to be someone's name?" [3:36 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "No one here has a name starting with V, right...? Wait, was Oshiro-kun even familiar with the English alphabet?" [3:36 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel feels like people are going a little off the rails a bit.. [3:36 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Fuck. [3:37 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "Wh- what else.. Is there?" Aderyn asks carefully. "Wha-- um, the," she takes a breath. "D-Do we have... um.. a mm-- murder. A murder weapon...?" [3:37 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Artemis winced, crossing her arms. "I think I found it- [3:37 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Cerviel really wished he had actually investigated. [3:38 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel looks at Artemis. "Hm...?" [3:38 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: :cluebullet: "There’s a knife that's a little fucky in the knife block in the kitchen. It was also a little wet." [3:38 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana gripped the stand, frowning. [3:39 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn looks at her. "A... l-little, little fuh-fucky...?" [3:39 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Someone probably washed it before quickly putting it back?" [3:39 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: {"Uuuu..."} [3:39 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: :consentbullet: "It wasn't positioned correctly." [3:39 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "What Pickle said." [3:40 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: {"Haha, don't call me that."} [3:40 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Oh, uh, by the way, before it's, like, too late to bring it up, I had a thought about the 'V' Oshiro-kun wrote..." [3:40 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "We're all fine... Lake..." [3:40 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "...but continue!" [3:41 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: {"I wanna go home already! I hate this stupid place!} [3:42 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: { "I feel you there, Minami-sama... Really do." } [3:42 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Just thought that maybe, instead of it actually being the English letter V, maybe it was meant to be like an arrow pointing at something?" [3:43 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "Like, what?" [3:43 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Lake-chan! You're so smart!" [3:43 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel squints. [3:44 PM] Willy | DDR King: "Was there something else on the balcony even?" [3:44 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: The crime scene clue has not been brought up! [3:44 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: "It also might have been a different letter. One that he started to write, but didn't finish-- or failed to write, because he was dying. Like an A, a W, or a Y." Wallace crosses his arms. "Was this 'v' actually pointing towards anything in particular?" [3:45 PM] Riku Yasui...: :cluebullet: "The balcony still looks relevantly the same from the last time I seen it despite the body," [3:46 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Maybe it was pointing at something  that wasn't on the balcony...? Might be a stretch, though..." [3:46 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Is that all, Sir Riku?" Hazel asks. [3:47 PM] Riku Yasui...: :cluebullet: "Well the blood surrounding Aki himself is smudged, as if he had been squirming, but on his left side it seems like the blood had been pooling around something, or someone," Riku added. [3:47 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: {"Urgggh...I feel sick..."} [3:47 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "A-Ah...?" Hazel nearly bites at her nails nervously. "It had to be the killer.. of course..." [3:47 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: {"Aderyn winces. Squirming. "He... must've... s-suffered," she mumbles."} [3:48 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: { Sob. } [3:48 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: {"There's no point in thinking about those things now. He is at peace.} [3:48 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: :consentbullet: "Shit! I remember seeing something that could be related to that!" [3:49 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: What Keiko said only made Hana's heart ache more. She just wanted to get out of this stupid trial already! Dumb place! Stupid people! Arggghhh! [3:51 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: :cluebullet: "There were some footprints from the stairs, it disappears at the foyer but it looks like it was going toward the kitchen." [3:51 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: :consentbullet: "Yeah, Hayai-kun. They looked like they were from bare feet, right?" [3:51 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: :consentbullet: "Yes, there was also a trail of blood drops leading to the kitchen as well. [3:52 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: :consentbullet: "Yeah. That's fucking gross also, why barefoot, but anyways." [3:52 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...Wait, why would someone be walking around with bare feet?!" [3:52 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "B-Barefoot?" Hazel asks. "Ew..." [3:52 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn crosses her arms. "Smart enough to-- to take their stupid, stupid shoes off, to be, silent, I guess," she says. "Dumb, too d-dumb to fuh-fucking clean up," [3:53 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...Wait, maybe to, uh... Not really have identifiable footprints, too. Since, like, shoe soles." [3:53 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: "Perhaps the killer wanted to hide their footprints by going barefoot. If their shoes were to have a distinctive tread, it would be a clear giveaway." [3:53 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn nods to Lake. That too.. That's smart... [3:53 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "...okay that's fair..." Hazel taps at her chin... [3:53 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: :cluebullet: "Bishop-san is right. The sink where the knife was found had vague red stains on it, as if someone had failed to fully wash them away." [3:54 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: {"Stupid-- Stupid, stu-- stupid culprit,"} [3:54 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: 'Heh, I said it first, prep Johnny Test!' [3:56 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "This wasn't much well planned, was it?" Wilma comments. "How'd the killer get Akihiko up to the balcony anyways? Just ask 'im?" [3:56 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: :consentbullet: "P-Perhaps..." She agreed with Wilma. "H-He's kind, and trusting..." [3:56 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: :consentbullet: "P-Probably," Aderyn mumbles. "He was.. really, friendly," [3:57 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: { "Good thing I didn't wash the berries..." } [3:57 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "We have to take the motive into consideration as well. Why would whoever did it want to kill Oshiro-san? Did they...did they have the gift given to them by Monoboar-san? Or perhaps they were trying to protect whoever has it..." she says nervously.

[3:57 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma pulls the brim of her hat down to hide the growing anger in her eyes. To take advantage of someone that kindly... [3:57 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: "So someone fucking led him there to kill him?" [3:57 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel is shaking, covering her mouth to prevent herself from breaking down. [3:57 PM] Eri [around]: "Actually... I have a theory about the motive" [3:57 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "What is it, Eri-san?" [3:58 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "Wait." [3:58 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "Eri. Fore you say anything." [3:58 PM] Eri [around]: Eri waits. [3:58 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma looks up at Monoboar. "You said whoever got the gift'd die if they revealed they had it. Someone's dead, now. Does that mean that rule is done for?" @Monoboar (Mars) [3:59 PM] Monoboar!: Monoboar lifts his head.

"Eh? Oh, oink, yea yea, whoever got the ticket can reveal 'emselves!"

@Wilma Ortega (Auz) [4:00 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma takes a small red ticket out of her pocket. [4:00 PM] Eri [around]: "Right, does that mean I can-" Eri deadpans. [4:00 PM] Riku Yasui...: Riku takes out a red ticket [4:00 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "Then I must come forward...I had the tick--" she cuts herself off as Wilma takes out her ticket. [4:00 PM] Rayne Maelstrom 👹 Investigation: "....Me got one...?" They slowly pull a red ticket out of their pocket. [4:00 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: "...I've suspected that everyone got one from the start." [4:00 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Cerviel slowly took out his ticket. [4:00 PM] Eri [around]: "Yeah, I thought everyone got one" [4:00 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel also takes out a ticket, looking troubled. [4:00 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn watches as people start taking out tickets. "... What?" She whispers. She sounds... horrified. [4:00 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...Ugh, that's a weight off my--" Lake was taking out her ticket before she noticed everyone else. [4:00 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie takes out a red ticket, feeling sick at the realization. [4:01 PM] Eri [around]: Eri takes out her ticket. [4:01 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "W-what..."

"All of us...had tickets."

[4:01 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Artemis took out a ticket. [4:01 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...You fucking BITCH!!" Lake threw her ticket at the ground before grinding it under her heal. [4:01 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "W...What...!?" Hazel hisses, horrified at this reveal. "Then...!" [4:01 PM] Riku Yasui...: "The pig tricks us," [4:01 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "We were fucking baited." [4:02 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: "Obviously. Why place a motive that will only affect one person? The rule about not telling anyone was clearly established to prevent us from figuring it out." Wallace looks smug. [4:02 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn leans over, gripping her stand. "It-- It, ww, it, it wa, it," she takes several deep breaths. [4:02 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "YOU'RE FUCKING SICK!! SICK!!!" Lake shouted at Monoboar. [4:02 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Wow, like it's something to be happy about, you dumb prick..." Hazel hisses bitterly at Wallace. [4:02 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko regains her composure. "Calm down, everyone. Yes, we were tricked by Monoboar-san, but losing our heads won't help Oshiro-san. We still have to figure out who did this." [4:02 PM] Qiuyue Xu ♣ Foyer: Qiuyue takes out her ticket. [4:02 PM] Monoboar!: "Oink! Tha's how th' cookie crumbles, ain't it!?"

@Lake Kawaguchi (Florence) [4:03 PM] Eri [around]: "You aren't the only one who figured it out" Eri crumples up the ticket and tosses it at Wallace. [4:03 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "I had a feelin' bout this." Wilma says, sighing. "Thought it was suspicious that we couldn't say we had the 'gift.' It'd make it easier to murder if one of us was singled out. But none of us telling it...each of us thinking we'd be the only one to die..."

She looks at Monoboar, and if looks could kill, that pig would be roast.

"The perfect me vs. them situation." [4:03 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Cerviel looked down at the floor, close to tears. He let his ticket fall out of his hand. [4:03 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Gh...!!" Lake listened to Keiko and shook her head, trying to shake off the anger. [4:03 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: "Yes. It's gratifying to know that the one behind this isn't able to outsmart every last one of us. Maybe some of us will actually pass this test." [4:03 PM] Riku Yasui...: "People will start to take your motives less serious is you pull things like this pig," [4:03 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "...kay." [4:03 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "Shut up Walleye." Wilma says automatically. She's referencing the fish. [4:04 PM] Eri [around]: {"What test you jackass"} [4:04 PM] Monoboar!: "Gwahahaha, this is only the beginning, anyways!"

@Riku Yasui (Alondra) [4:04 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Shut the fuck up, Asshat! This isn't the time to be making insensitive jokes like that!" [4:04 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "Shut the fuck up!" [4:04 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: {"Callaghan-san, I think all of us are a little shaken right now. I'll be happy to discuss this at length with you if you wish later, but such comments may prove to be inflamatory in our current situation--" she interrupts herself as everyone else tells him to shut up, "Ah, my point is proven."} [4:05 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "I thought, I thought--" She's shaking. "But-- Even-- Even, even, if, if, it had been, just, just one-- It still, affected- everyone. Everyone, because, because--" She gasps. "Even, even if you don't have it-- you don't, know who, so, that's, you don't, know who will snap, you don't, but-- But-- we all-- we--" She's hyperventilating. "What-- What about the pu-punishment?! Was that-- Was that a fuh-fucking lie too? Were you-- Were you, really-- really gonna k-kill, kill us, if, if we didn't--" @Monoboar (Mars) [4:05 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "I think he was." [4:05 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Wallace drags a hand down his face. "Am I the only one actually capable of focusing here? What happened to the presentation of evidence? Surely someone else here has something to contribute?" [4:06 PM] Monoboar!: "Heheh, I dunno! Was I? Sure is a mystery now that'cha know ya had a ticket like everyone else!" Monoboar snorts. "But it would'a been more fun if I did kill alla ya!"

@Aderyn Bishop (Beq) [4:06 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "UGH!!!!!!!!!" [4:06 PM] Eri [around]: Eri stops herself from saying something. [4:06 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel kicks her trial stand angrily. [4:07 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Fie! cometh ov'r hither and englut mine own coxcomb, thee distemperate fooleth, thee hog!!!!" [4:07 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Hazel-san, you're my friend, but could you say that in a way I can understand, please? [4:07 PM] Eri [around]: "Please fight him" [4:08 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: "I've never learned how to hear." [4:08 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Eri-san, don't encourage it right now!!" [4:08 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "Questioneth not mine own speech patterns, i'm very fell even but now!!!!" She angrily crumples the ticket and throws it at Wallace. [4:08 PM] Eri [around]: "Please fight him later" [4:09 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "Walleye, yer not helping the situation any. Please refrain from treatin' the rest of us like idjits." [4:09 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...ANYWAY! If we all had a ticket, how can we narrow down our list of suspects?" [4:09 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel huffs and turns around, crossing her arms. She's giving herself time to relax. [4:10 PM] Eri [around]: "That makes it super difficult, who would likely to cave in out of fear?" [4:10 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn has her hands at her head, pulling on her hair as she takes deep breathes. [4:10 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: {"Callaghan-san...should I repeat myself? Please refrain from purposefuly instigating our classmates.} [4:10 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana had a ticket. She crumpled it and threw it at the ground as hard as she could, and as it was paper, it floated down softly. That only made her more pissed off, so she started stomping on it. [4:10 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma looks around the room, observing everyone.

"Whoever killed 'im...now knows they were tricked. They can't be too happy right now." [4:10 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "I mean, whoever did it probably washed their feet and changed their clothes by now, right?" [4:11 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: {"I merely asked who else had evidence. If that qualifies as instigating, then I believe I am not the one with the problem."} [4:11 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "Did- d-did he-- If-- the b-boar was, was lying-- did..." Aderyn swallows, looking up with teary eyes. "Did... did he die for nothing..?" [4:11 PM] Eri [around]: "I would hope so, who just shows up wearing bloody clothes" [4:11 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: "Whoever did it must've thought that it would've been okay to trade lives for one, or all of us." [4:11 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "I must say I am quite relieved to know all of us had tickets. I thought someone had murdered Oshiro-san for my sake, for a second..." [4:12 PM] Qiuyue Xu ♣ Foyer: Qiuyue exhales, taking this all in. "... Hmph..." [4:12 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel turns around and slams her fists on her podium. "E-Either way, Akihiko would've been k-killed for nothing!!! The murderer is a villain, cruel and horrible! There's no use in killing, never!" [4:13 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "I'm not about to forgive whoever took Oshiro-kun away from us, either, Hazel-san, but don't forget the one here we should be the most pissed at..."

She gave a look to the swine in the throne. [4:14 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: :consentbullet: "I agree wholeheartedly with you, Hazeldine-san. Whoever committed such a horrid crime should step forward and admit to their guilt." [4:14 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn whimpers. "Can't-- You can't-- c-can't fuh-fuh-forgive them, you can't-- you can't," she's crying. "Killer is a stupid-- stupid, fuh-fuh-fucking, lowlife-- fucking FREAK, c-can't, fucking forgive, forgive--" [4:14 PM] Eri [around]: "Yeah, no one would outright admit to a murder" Eri looked over at Keiko. [4:14 PM] Monoboar!: Monoboar only leans back in his throne, entertained. [4:14 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Artemis makes a bit of a face. [4:14 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel frowns, looking at Aderyn. [4:15 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Can't the kuh-" she didn't want to say it. "killer...just reveal themselves already? Everyone already hates you, so just, like, ugh! I hate both you and the smelly pig! Tell me who you are now so I can stomp your face in like I just crushed this stupid, dumb, idiot...ticket..." she was only repeating herself at this point. [4:15 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: {Keiko gives Artemis a Look ™ . :unamused: } [4:15 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "Much as I agree with y'all, this ain't helping none." Wilma speaks up. "This ain't gonna encourage no one to step forward and admit it. I don't think nothing could convince someone to admit to this."

"Let's review the evidence one more time. There ain't nothing we forgot to look at, is there?" [4:15 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "We- we can't, c-can't f-figure it out, we, we looked over all the- the clues, there's, nn, there's nothing else..!" Aderyn pulls at her hair. [4:16 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: {"Don't look at me."} [4:16 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...Maybe we could look at the V shape again?" [4:16 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana draped herself over her stand, rocking restlessly. [4:16 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "...w-well..." Hazel wrings her hands. "Recall the file info... it says he died at 2am last night, did he not?" She says. "Who'd be up so late...?" [4:17 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: She ignores Artemis' words.

:consentbullet:  "I believe we have looked over all of the evidence...but yes, as Kawaguchi-san has stated, I was about to suggest we go over the 'V' shape once more." [4:17 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel goes silent. [4:17 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Um, well...uh..." she thought. "like, I don't wanna accuse anyone. But, like, who here stays up late?" [4:18 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "I've made sleeping early a habit, but that's probably not gonna help anything." [4:18 PM] Eri [around]: Eri raises her hand slowly. "Insomnia" [4:18 PM] Qiuyue Xu ♣ Foyer: "I go to bed at a decent time!" Qiuyue states. "I never deviate from it, no matter what!" [4:18 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "I'm s-s-ure, sure, many, many of us, do," Aderyn says quickly. [4:18 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Cerviel shifted. "I haven't gotten a lot of sleep since i've been here" [4:18 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looks at Eri. "Then, well...it must be you or something! You look like you'd commit a murder!" [4:18 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "Se--See!" Aderyn points at Eri quickly after her admission of insomnia. Addy that's rude. [4:19 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "If we think he was tryin' to write out his killer's name...well the V was smudged near the middle. I'm thinking it was either a W or an M."

Wilma spent too long thinking about this and ignored the staying up late convo. [4:19 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "I can provide a copy of my written out schedule if you wish. I don't stay up that late, and even if I did, some areas are forbidden that late at night, and I would not break such a rule." [4:19 PM] Eri [around]: Eri looks over at Hana. [4:19 PM] Eri [around]: Glares. [4:19 PM] Eri [around]: "No" [4:19 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana's just staring at Eri with wide, angry eyes. "Gimmie proof!" [4:19 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "I-- I also! I also, think, think it was a W, I mean, it w-wouldn't be, wouldn't be r-right side up, if, it were, an M," Aderyn says. [4:20 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: :consentbullet: "Smudged near the middle, Lady Wilma... if it's smudged, could it maybe be the letter A instead of a W or an M?" [4:20 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: :consentbullet: "I agree with Hazeldine-san...it seems more likely that the letter was an A." [4:20 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Ugh! This talk of when we go to sleep isn't gonna help us, guys!" [4:20 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Let's get back to the V shape thing!" [4:20 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "A? Okay, well, um...Aeri? Ari? Close enough!" [4:20 PM] Eri [around]: Eri just sighs and ignores Hana. [4:20 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "...Huh." Wilma didn't think of that. "Yeah, could be an A, too. Didn't consider that, Miss Basil." [4:20 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "A... An, A," Aderyn repeats, looking pale. After a few moments, she side-eyes Artemis very slowly. [4:21 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana drapes herself over her stand again. [4:21 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko side-eyes Artemis as well. This looks is more of a "please tell everyone how it couldn't have been you" kind of look, though.

"Black-san?" [4:21 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: { Wallace is absolutely fuming right now. } [4:22 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "It wasn't fucking me. If I'd crack under a death threat I wouldn't even have my talent." [4:22 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "Or Miss Add-er-in, though I hate to put you in the spotlight." Wilma adds. [4:22 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel looks at Artemis and Aderyn. [4:22 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie quickly glances over at Aderyn. [4:22 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana looks at Aderyn, too. "It better not be you, Aderyn-chan, cause I trusted you I think!" [4:22 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "...Lady Artemis... has a point... she's more strong willed when it comes to... death..." [4:22 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn squeaks. "W-W-- Well, Well, m-m-maybe, maybe, maybe it wasn't a fuh-fucking A at all!" She snaps. [4:23 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel jumps. [4:23 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Aderyn-san, you're not helping your case!" [4:23 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "Addy, calm down." [4:23 PM] Riku Yasui...: "Profanity," [4:23 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Aderyn-chan, impolite..." she mumbles. [4:23 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: { "We've been swearing this whole trial, Yasui-kun." } [4:24 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "I'm j-just-- just fucking, fucking saying!" She says. "You c-can't, c-can't accuse, accuse, me, when, when it still c-coulda been, been a W, or, or something!" She defends. "I mean, it-- It wasn't even right-side up!" [4:24 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Wallace sighs. "It likely was, when you take into account the perspective of someone lying down and trying to write on a surface behind them. It would be right-side up from his perspective." [4:24 PM] Eri [around]: "From the victims view it was" [4:24 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "..."

[4:24 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel bites her lip, staring worriedly at Aderyn. [4:25 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma stares at Aderyn, her whole demeanor shifting. She looks like a predator that's just spotted it's prey.

"Miss Aderyn. You didn't show up to the body 'nouncement, not at first. Was it cause you didn't wanna see the body, or 'cause you didn't wanna be reminded...?" [4:25 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...Ohh my fucking God, Aderyn-san. Don't you say it. Don't you fucking say it." [4:25 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana hides her face in her arms, groaning, half out of anger, half out of fear. [4:25 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "W-Well..!" Aderyn glances around. "Maybe, Maybe-- Maybe it was a fucking-- fucking M!" She tries instead. "Stop! Stop, I didn't I didn't fuh-fucking do it, I didn't-- I'm not--!" Tears are welling up in her eyes again as her eyes flicker about nervously. She takes a step back, looking terrified out of her mind. [4:26 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Gimmie more proof! I-I'll give you another chance if you do...! You're acting weird! Really weird!" [4:26 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "Aderyn-san, for your sake and ours, please just take some deep fucking breaths." [4:26 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: He tilts his head a bit. "Breathe for a sec. Calm down, get your words out. Be careful with what you say." [4:27 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "You called the killer a, um, I believe the exact word was, 'a fuckin' freak.' Do you..." Wilma is staring real hard at Aderyn. "Do you hate yourself that much?" [4:28 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "I'm fucking-- Fuh-fucking scared!" She shouts back. "Y-You-- You would be too if p-people were, were fucking ac-accusing, accusing, yyy-- you!" She points a shaking finger at Hana. "I don't-- I don't wanna fucking die!"

She flickers over to Wilma. "I don't-- I don't, b-because, I didn't-- I--" She's openly crying now. "I didn't-- He-- I..."

Aderyn looks down. [4:28 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: "He..?" [4:28 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "..." [4:28 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel is trembling, biting into her lip hard enough to bleed. [4:28 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "Addy...." [4:28 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "Tell us the truth, Aderyn. You can still make this better. Not right, but better." [4:29 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana's hands are sweating, so she just zoned out as hard as possible, a dazed and angry expression stuck on her face. [4:29 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "Bishop-san? Please listen to Ortega-san..." Keiko looks...solemn. This sucks. I hate it. [4:30 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn's shoulders are shaking, and you can hear her sniffling and hiccupping, and she reaches up to wipe away her tears. "I didn't-- I d-didn't--" She hiccups.

"I just--- I didn't, ww-wanna die," she admits. "I thought-- I thought, I was-- I didn't--... I'm, sorry," Aderyn hiccups again, collapsing at her stand. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-- I-- I'm," she trails off into wet mumbles. [4:30 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel is gripping her stand, glaring at Aderyn hard enough to blow her onto her back.

"Y-You... y-you admit it...? You truly admit it, then...?!" [4:31 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Wallace's gaze is fixed on Anderyn. He jumps on her hesitation like a predator on prey. "Is that a confession?" [4:31 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "..."

Lake gave Aderyn one of her hardest glares since she first woke up here before she stepped down from her stand and walked over to the other's [4:31 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "......."

[4:32 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: In contrast, Wilma relaxes a bit, but it's more out of exhaustion than any form of relief. It's as good as a confession.

"None of us wanna die, Miss Aderyn. Akihiko didn't." [4:32 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: She pulled her head up. "I hate you!" she shouted. "If you're...you're seriously admitting to this, then, I hate you!" she said, but her lip was quivering. [4:32 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Cerviel wasn't glaring. He just looked.. sad. He didn't want anyone else to die. [4:32 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel feels the tears well up again, and she sniffles, shoulder shaking as hides her eyes again, silently weeping. [4:32 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: Once she was close enough to her Lake took a step forward towards Aderyn before she-- [4:33 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: "I know," Aderyn chokes. "I know, I know, I know-- He kept-- He-- He said-- Don't leave me alone-- I was just, I was-- I couldn't-- I couldn't leave-- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Akihiko, I'm sorry," [4:33 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: ...wrapped her shaking arms around her. [4:33 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "Bishop-san...you are lying. Did someone threaten you so you'd say this? You can tell us." [4:33 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "I don't even care how long I knew Aki-chan, he was like, like..." she slammed her hands onto the thing. "AAAAGH! DON'T TELL ME THAT! SHUT UP! SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!" [4:33 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "SHUT UP!!! I-I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT...! I DON'T... I DON'T WANT TO IMAGINE IT..." [4:34 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "Miss Pond, yer mighty kind, but she could still be dangerous." Wilma says, hand on her holster. [4:34 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn just sobs harder, reluctantly leaning into Lake's embrace. "Stop-- stop, I don't I don't-- you can't-- c-can't, can't fuh-fucking," she sobs. "I'm j-just a hor-horrible, fuh-fucking, mmm, murder-- I killed-- I k-k-- I-- He didn't-- I'm sorry--" [4:34 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie didn't seem to be listening, staring off into the distance. He idly plays with the bands on his fingers, thinking about something else. [4:34 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "Shut up, Woody. She's not gonna do shit again." [4:35 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...I know, and I'm not doing this out of kindness."

'...Maybe I am. I can't tell right now.' [4:35 PM] Monoboar!: "...Gyeheheh, so we've reached our climax, huh?" Monoboar snorts in amusement. [4:35 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...Aderyn-san," Lake spoke sternly. [4:35 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "Fuck you too, pig!" [4:35 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "All he wanted was friends...! I was too mean to him! So...I'm going to be mean to you instead 'cause you ruined that for him! He j-just...! Ugh!" she flicked her head towards Monoboar. "SHUT UP, STUPID HOG! SHUT UUUP!" [4:35 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn tries to curl in on herself further. [4:36 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko keep her frown for a moment longer before...she just starts crying. "Bishop-san..." and to think she'd let that happen. If only she had done more, she could've stopped Aderyn from killing, and Akhiko would be alive...

[4:36 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "A-All he... uuu.. If only... I-If only I told him how good of a friend he w-was..." [4:36 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "It's a bit too late for 'sorry,' Miss Aderyn." Wilma says gently. "Don't curl up on yerself now. Stand up and own it, and maybe then you can 'pologize." [4:37 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: She shakes her head. "Do- Don't, d-deserve, don't deserve, to," she says. "Can this, please-- p-please, just... end," she begs, her voice cracking. [4:38 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Aderyn!" she dropped the -chan. It's too cute and sweet. "Yeah, stand up and own it! You killed him! You...he's gone! HE'S GONE!" she yelled, tears spilling from her eyes. She wiped them away as fast as she could, face pink. [4:38 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Fuck. Artemis scowled, looking to the pig. "You're fucking sick! I swear to god, first chance I get I'm gonna make you fucking pay from the shit you put us all through! I'm gonna fucking kill you and your fucking puppeT master!" [4:40 PM] Monoboar!: "Gyahahaha, so I guess it's time, dont'cha think?" Monoboar says without a care in the world, and slams his... hoof? Boars are weird. On the arm of his throne, and a screen flickers onto everyone's trial stands.

A selection of all the students' faces blink on your screen with the words VOTE! in red lettering taunt you.

"I know I'm sick, so what? Get t' votin' you filthy maggots!"

@Alive [4:41 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "I think we're way past what you do and don't deserve, Miss Aderyn." Wilma is looking at her, expression carefully blank.

"Stand up and look us in the eyes. You owe it to Akihiko. To all of us." [4:41 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma votes for Aderyn. [4:41 PM] Eri [around]: Eri looks over at the screen and votes for Aderyn. [4:41 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie snaps out of it. Hi. He votes for Aderyn. [4:41 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Cerviel looked down at his stand, voting for Aderyn with shaky hands. [4:41 PM] Rayne Maelstrom 👹 Investigation: Rayne votes for Aderyn. Im sorry. [4:41 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana stared at it for a while. She stared at Aki's face on the screen, a red x-mark crudely placed over it. She glances up at Aderyn, votes quietly, and then she puts her hand back at her side. [4:41 PM] Riku Yasui...: With a slight hesitation, Riku voted for Aderyn. [4:42 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel glares at the screen through her blurry, tearful vision, and taps to vote for Aderyn shakily. [4:42 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn pulls herself to her feet at Wilmas words, but she doesn't look at anyone. She can't.

She votes for herself. [4:42 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: "What.. exactly will the voting do." [4:42 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Wallace votes for Aderyn. [4:42 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "I dunno, probably, like, gets her out of here or something. Hopefully in jail." [4:42 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko can barely see their faces. She's crying dawg :(

"We can't....executing someone isn't right! Even if they murdered someone else!" [4:43 PM] Monoboar!: "Yer votin' to send Aderyn off, obviously." [4:43 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Yep! To jail!" [4:43 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn tenses up. What? [4:43 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Artemis scowled, hands shaking. She punched in a vote for herself, it was hard to vote for Aderyn, she knew the rules, she couldn't do that do her. [4:43 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "Did you all forget the fucking rules?" [4:44 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Wallace's face twists into a disgusted frown. Was he the only one who paid any attention around here? [4:44 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko composes herself as best as she can. "It's...stated in the rules. That we must vote for the execution of the blackened." [4:44 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "...Execution?" Hana squeaked. [4:44 PM] Monoboar!: "Gyahaha, thanks fer doin' my job, blabber mouth!" [4:44 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: "The ones that say we all die if we don't choose correctly? Nah, I think we all remember 'em pretty well." Wilma stares back at Artemis, challenging her to continue this bullshit. "You think any of us wanna do this?" [4:45 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: "Does that mean she's actually gonna...die? Did I just vote for someone to die?" [4:45 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel whimpers. [4:45 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: Lake gave Monoboar a glare before she turned her focus back on Aderyn.

"...I can't forgive you for what you did," Lake tried to keep her voice as level as she could, "But... But..."

'But... What? It's not your fault? It kind of is, but it's also Monoboar's fault. It's gonna be okay? I don't really want to say that to someone who killed Oshiro-kun, but...

Lake kept her offer for an embrace open as she gave Hazel a look. Vote for Aderyn for her?

@Aderyn Bishop (Beq) @Hazel Hazeldine (Mars) [4:45 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel won't do that. [4:46 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn looks pale, shaking at her stand, she's hardly listening. "N-no, I-- I don't-- I don't wanna die, please--" She whispers, wrapping her arms around herself. [4:46 PM] Monoboar!: "You say that, but'cha still kill someone anyways? Eh, kids are always selfish these days, Oink!" [4:46 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana didn't say anything, she just looked at the ground, stuffing a hand in her heart-shaped apron pocket. [4:46 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn hunches over, guilty. [4:47 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko leaves her stand too after sorrowfully voting for Aderyn. Sorry GMs she's leaving that stand.

She approaches Aderyn, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Bishop-san..." [4:47 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma closes her eyes, sighing.

"I'm sorry, Miss Aderyn. But you knew the rules, and so do we. There ain't nothing we can do to stop that now without getting us all axed." [4:47 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: She was slow to wrap her arms around this time in case Aderyn didn't want it. @Aderyn Bishop (Beq) [4:48 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn doesn't react to either touch. She just... stands there, head down. Tears, still dripping from her face. She's... given up.

It's over. [4:48 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana didn't want to look at any of this! She hid behind her stand and put her head in her shirt. [4:48 PM] Monoboar!: "Wrap it up, fellas, we got a verdict to get to!" [4:49 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "I'm so sorry....Aderyn. I'm...please apologize to Oshiro-san, wherever you go. Maybe someday...you'll be forgiven for what you did." she doesn't know what to say, but she can't send Aderyn to her death without saying anything. Why do they have to kill at all? [4:50 PM] Qiuyue Xu ♣ Foyer: Qiuyue votes Aderyn. [4:52 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...I..." 'What do I say? Should I just make it quick?' "I hope it goes by fast, Aderyn-san."

'...Dark, but okay.'

With that and a lingering touch on the shoulder, Lake ran over to her stand, and reluctantly voted for Aderyn. [4:53 PM] Monoboar!: "Yeesh, finally. Let's get on with it!"

The voting screens flicker black for a moment before a light begins to flicker down each name.

"Well, who's it gonna be, ya grubs? Let's find out who killed 'im!"

...

[4:54 PM] Monoboar!: ...

A victory tune chimes out as the light lands on Aderyn Bishop.

"Looks like it's the truth, gwahaha! Aderyn Bishop killed Akihiko Oshiro!"

[4:54 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn squeezes her eyes shut. [4:54 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana's still in her shirt. [4:55 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel covers her mouth, hand shaking. [4:55 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie shakes his head. [4:55 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko walks back to her stand. "Goodbye, Aderyn." [4:56 PM] Rayne Maelstrom 👹 Investigation: They lower their head and looks down and to the side, folding their hands over their chest. [4:57 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "I hope you're able to find peace." [4:57 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Artemis broke into another scowl, jaw going tense. "This isn't fucking fair. None of this is fair." [4:57 PM] Eri [around]: "Bye Aderyn" That's all Eri says. [4:57 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: "N-None of it... none of it is fair...! The motive drove Lady Aderyn to kill Akihiko, and now... it kills her for it...!?" [4:58 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: "...I hope you become an angel one day" [4:58 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana didn't say anything more. What else could she say? [4:59 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn shakes her head. "No p-pearly, wh-white gates for me," she mutters in response to Cerviel. [4:59 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: "...Addy. I..I'm sorry. I hope you get a lotta cute shit wherever you go." [4:59 PM] Wallace Callaghan || Foyer: Wallace had way too many questions and tbh if I was writing the full Wallace he would have been interrogating her but im just gonna [5:00 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: He looked away. He didn't have any further response. [5:01 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "Do you have something you wish to tell those outside? I can...I can tell them, your friends..." [5:03 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn winces, visibly. "Don't... tell them." She begs. "Please," her eyes well up again. This is... very selfish of her, and she knows. But.. still. "Just.. Don't-- Don't even.. talk to them. Just.. Leave it be. They'll ww-wonder, where, where I went, and... mm-move on. It's... fine." [5:04 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: "I think... they'll look for you. They won't forget you, Aderyn. But, as you wish." [5:07 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: Lake shook a bit as she snapped out of her slight daze when she processed Hazel putting the thoughts she had into the words she was looking for a minute before.

'God, I'm embarrassing! NOW I know what I want to say!'

"...Yeah, none it is fair!" Lake grabbed her stand and began to shout, "Fuck, I take back wishing it was quick as my last words to you, Aderyn-san! That's weak, coming from me! None of this bullshit is fair, and you shouldn't have to fucking die when you're not even twenty! What the fuck! Whoever's behind that disgusting swine will pay for the bullshit they put you, Oshiro-kun and the rest of us through!!! Neither you or him will have died in vain, I swear it!!"

"And if they're real friends, Aderyn-san, they'll miss the fuck out of you and remember you!! If not, I'll remember you! And Oshiro-kun, too!!!" [5:09 PM] classical bishop sacrifice: Aderyn sniffles and... nods. There's nothing else she can say. [5:09 PM] Monoboar!: "Gyahaha, touching! But this is the end, whether it matters to ya losers or not!"

Monoboar slams a gavel onto a big red button, and Aderyn is promptly whisked away by a metal clamp attached to a chain snapping around her neck, and she's off...

Aderyn Bishop has been found guilty. Time for the punishment.

[Done by @spiiderboiii]

[Done by @pitoumugis]

[5:10 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: She closes her eyes. She can't look. [5:11 PM] Qiuyue Xu ♣ Foyer: Qiuyue watches, but... She regrets doing that. [5:12 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel nearly shrieks, and covers her eyes, and then her ears, and crouches down. [5:12 PM] Riku Yasui...: Riku turned around and put his hood up. [5:12 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana slowly emerges from her shirt, looking at the aftermath of the execution. She wished she hadn't. [5:12 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko flinches as she hears the train, letting out a sob as she presses her hand tighter against her face as if that'd protect her from the sight. [5:12 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Cerviel flinched, finally allowing himself to cry. It didn't matter that he hadn't known her. His tears fell down onto the ground anyways. [5:12 PM] Rayne Maelstrom 👹 Investigation: Rayne wants to scream but they just gag, having to turn themself around and cover their mouth. Why. WHY? [5:13 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie taps impatiently on his stand, still staring at the train. [5:13 PM] Monoboar!: "That's all for now, maggots. Save th' sobbin' and head back into the elevator! Scram!"

Monoboar slams his gavel, closing the case on this trial, and vanishes from his throne. [5:14 PM] 🔫Artemis Black🔫| Sadness: Artemis, for the first time in everyone's presence, whimpers. She whined from the back of her throat, turning away. Fuck. Fuck! She leaned on the pedastal to keep herself steady, trying to blink away the wet heat from her eyes. After a moment she steadied herself, walking off to the elevator with a stagger to her step. [5:14 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana fucking books it to the elevator. [5:14 PM] Hazel Hazeldine | 🔖: Hazel shakily steps into the elevator. [5:14 PM] Cerviel Winter | Room: Numb, he walked back onto the elevator. [5:14 PM] packie hayai 🌾 💤: Packie fucking yeets it. [5:15 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Wilma tips her hat downwards, listening to but not watching the execution. She won't revel in Aderyn's death.

She lingers in the trial room, not because she wants to, but in case anyone won't go back. She can escort them. [5:15 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana can't wait to go to her room and scream. [5:16 PM] Rayne Maelstrom 👹 Investigation: Rayne bolts to the elevator as fast as their legs can take them. The situation's magnitude hitting them hard finally. Once they get into the elevator they just hunker down into a ball. [5:16 PM] Qiuyue Xu ♣ Foyer: Qiuyue rubs her arms nervously. [5:17 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: Out of respect for Aderyn (And just not willing to see a live death), Lake looked away from the screen.

...She heard the train and put two, two and two together. The first two being, 'Oh, a train.' Second, 'At... At least is was quick.' And third, '...Why a train?'

...

'...Oh, god,' A sick thought seeped into her mind before she dashed to the elevator, wanting to keep the train of thought from going on. [5:17 PM] Keiko Taisei | Death time: Keiko solemnly makes her way inside the elevator, crying quietly once more. None of this is fair. They don't deserve this.

'Akihiko, Aderyn...I'm sorry.' she thinks to herself, wishing she could've done something, anything to prevent this from happening. [5:18 PM] Wilma Ortega || foy air: Alright, I think everyone's in. Wilma follows. [5:18 PM] Hana Minami! | I can';t: Hana's still acting all princess-like in the elevator, hands on her hips, giving everyone a stare-down. Her eyes are puffy, though, and her cheeks are red. [5:20 PM] Lake Kawaguchi | Trial: "...Do you need a hug, Minami-sama?" [5:20 PM] Monoboar!: The elevator closes behind everyone and rises back to the foyer, now two less people but a heavy atmosphere weighing down on all of you...

TRIAL 1 - END.

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Prologue 1: Regarding Interplanetary Conflict Between Earth and Alternia

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist. 

(No-SBURB AU with many other fantastical elements in tact (i.e. flashstepping, trolls are still aliens, some characters have odd abilities, Becquerel remains a first guardian, etc.); main ship(s): Davekat and Rosemary, but romance isn’t necessarily the focus; Dirk =/= Bro, Roxy =/= Mom, etc. Slow burn, shifting perspectives. Buckle in, folks, this’ll be a long one.) 

Rating: M for mature themes, death, violence, intense scenes, etc. 

Warnings: Character death, blood, language (its a Homestuck fic what do you expect), abuse, some impressive mental gymnastics from Dave, also Bro is basically a terrorist like he really hates trolls; chapter-specific warnings will be provided as this fic’s kinda got a lot going on tbh - some parts will get REALLY intense

Author’s Note: FIRST - I’m so sorry for there being three prologues, I promise I’m posting them all on the same day as the first chapter to try and make up for that; this was the best way I felt to handle the exposition side of this story. The real story will be told in a different format than these bits. 

Second - I’m just going to casually give a shoutout to @gayrapunzel and this magnificent post right here which helped inspire this fic in a very weird roundabout way (even tho i dont think I’m going to be able to recreate that moment in the fic itself much to my deep shame) and is also just generally one of my favorite things ever 

NEXT

[The following is a series of excerpts from various news articles, some from papers, some found online; some transcripts of radio broadcasts also provided]

4/10/1994

(Excerpt from a magazine)

Astronomers have reported very strange extraterrestrial movements as of late; strange objects that appear to be approaching Earth at great speed. “Maybe we’re finally meeting some aliens,” joked Oswald Harley, lead scientist at the Skaianet Observatory in New York. The currently unidentified bodies are expected to be visible from Earth within the week. Be sure to keep an eye on the sky!

4/13/1994

(Transcript of a news broadcast)

BREAKING NEWS

NEWS ANCHOR: “In what can only be seen as some sort of delayed cosmic April Fool’s day joke, what seems to be an actual alien spaceship has arrived over New York City only minutes ago.  We see here live footage of the event. Whatever life forms are on board the vessel have not yet tried to make contact, but we will” [static; rest of speech too garbled to make out]

[At this point, the transmission (as well as that of all other channels) was overridden]

ALIEN LIFE FORM: “Alright, shrimps, listen up. I’m the speaker for Her Imperial Condescension, here to deliver you the message of your new management.  This planet is now the property of Alternia. You glubbers can behave and we’ll maybe let some of you live, or you can try to pick a fight you got no chance in shell of winning. Bow before your new leaders, motherfuckers, and pray Her Imperial Condescension’s in a good mood.”

[Static; the transmission returns to the news station]

NEWS ANCHOR: “Are…are we back? Oh my God, is this - this is real? Um. Yes, so. You saw it here, folks, um. God, I can’t do this, I can’t -”

[At this point, the anchor walked off the set and the broadcast cut to commercials.]

06/12/1994

(translated transcript taken from a recorded exchange between Alternian soldiers)

THRESHECUTIONER UNIT LEADER: “Do you have the place surrounded yet?”

THRESHECUTIONER: “Hells yes we do, got the place all kinds of on lockdown. We are gonna blast the shit outta these humans and their silly hideaway, they won’t know what hit ‘em.”

TUL: “A simple ‘yes’ would have sufficed. Move in when ready.”

T: “Sir, yes, sir. Wait, shit, what was that?”

TUL: “What was what?”

T: “Somethin just moved really fast in my peripheral vision — shit, there it is again!”

[A muffled scream is heard]

T: “What the fuck, that was — oh my god, his head’s clean off, right through his armor, what the fuck —”

TUL: “Hey, what the fuck is happening down there?”

T: “I think we’re under attack — Humans? Humans are doing this?! Hey, stop standing around and blast those fuckers already, you assholes —”

[More screams]

T: “What the fuck, that’s a kid —”

[A gasp, followed by a thudding noise.]

TUL: “Resker? Resker!?! What the fuck is going on down there?! Answer me!”

[muffled noises for about thirty seconds, and then a new voice speaks]

???: [In English] “Alright, assholes. Let me make this really fucking clear. We are not some simpering weaklings ready to lay down and take this without a fight. So help me, I will personally hunt down your fucking leader and kill her myself.”

1: [In English] “Who the fuck is this?!”

???: [In English] “Strider.”

1: [In English] “Are you a human? What the fuck did you do to squad 13?!”

STRIDER: [In English] “Get the fuck off my planet.”

[sharp sound, apparently resulting from the destruction of the helmet used to communicate.]

(Transcript from human soldiers, arriving on scene to attempt to defend a small mall taken over by surviving humans)

COMMUNICATIONS: “Sir, someone’s hacking into our radio transmissions.”

MAJOR: “Fucking stop them, Jesus! Last thing we need is the trolls getting into those, too —”

COMMUNICATIONS: “I’m trying, sir! I’m not sure it’s trolls, though, actually — Shit, they’re in, they’re in!”

[Radio static]

???: “[garbled] yeah, I’m in! Hahaha, bitchin’! Hey, lil D, I got them, I got in to the military! Hey, hey dudes, don’t hang up on me, okay? I’m not a troll, I promise, but we could really use your help!”

MAJOR: “How did you get into this channel?”

???: “By virtue of being a fucking badass, is how! Hey, listen, though, okay, I’m Rachel Lalonde, me and my sis and D-Strides Big’n’small here are holed up at the mall with a bunch of other survivors, we’re armed, and we got a plan that we think’ll really put a damper in these invading bastards’ day, but we need your help, alright?”

MAJOR: “How do we know we can trust you?”

LALONDE: “Thats…probably a pretty fair question. Okay, listen, how bout we meet up in person so you can see we really are human, huh? You guys can pick the place, it’ll be just me and D-Stri. But we gotta move today, is the thing, so it’s gotta be quick!”

???: “C’mon, Ray, let me come too, I can help —”

STRIDER: “No. We need you here. Let Rachel finish talking.”

MAJOR: “…Let me get my superiors on the phone.”

STRIDER: “There’s no time. We need to meet up in an hour at most.”

MAJOR: “……………Very well. In front of the Levi’s, then. Just you two.”

LALONDE: “You got it, dude! We’re gonna own the FUCK outta these trolls. Gonna send them scrambling away with their tails between their legs.”

11/11/1994

(Letter sent secretly to human troops)

“Okay, okay first of all I hope you’re fucking happy how much work I had to put into learning to write in your language for this, sorry if my spelling is bad or something or whatever but listen, I know this is going to sound like the most obvious trap ever, but I SWEAR it isn’t. I’m a troll, no, don’t throw the letter away, sit your ass right back down. I’m a troll, a follower of the teachings of one we call the Signless, which is going to mean approximately jack all to you I know but what that means is that basically I’m on your side, as are a bunch of other trolls with me. We’re rebels, some working to sabotage from within, but some (like me) are prepared to actually physically help you guys, we can upgrade your weapons and tech and shit a bit so you have a better chance of keeping up enough to drag this out as long as possible.

We need a few sweeps, see, before we can ensure that we can protect you guys. There’s a new heir to the throne, but she’s not old enough to challenge the Condesce yet. When she does, though, she’s already said she plans on ending this war and seeking peace with you humans. She likes the way your planet looks a lot, as well as your people, and she’s big on protecting shit and blah blah blah, the point is, we can help you, but you gotta let us first.

I’ve enclosed our coordinates on the back of this letter. We’ll be waiting there. Please don’t shoot us.”

11/21/1998

(Entry of the diary of Rachel Lalonde)

“Shit, those trolls are not giving up. I’m exhausted, and I look like a dang balloon, I mean cripes, how many kids are even in there?

Worst possible timing, too. I should be out fighting, but I’m stuck inside with kid number two on the way.

Speaking of kid number one, though, Dirk’s three years old today. Be nice if his father could be assed to try to celebrate, but whatever. I kinda worry a little that maybe we only started this family out of spite, like as a way to flip off Her Imperial Whatsit by continuing on our species or whatever. Shoulda thought it through a little more. I mean, Christ, I’m 21 and I’m on kid number two, talk about your bad fucking ideas.

I worry that Derek doesn’t even love me the way I love him, honestly. I’m not sure he really loves anyone, to be truthful, but like. He might just be gay?? I ain’t got the guts to bring that up with him, though, he’d probably run me through right there if I tried to suggest it, but. Still. Then again, after losing his lil bro earlier this year, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.  

God, I can’t believe he’s gone, still. RIP, Davey. :(

Eurgh, worst part of getting knocked up again is having to lay off the booze, though. I’m twenty one, in a soul-crushing war trying to save all of humanity, and I can’t even drink. Such bullshit, man.

Happy birthday, Dirk. Love ya. Hope your little bro or sis hurries the fuck up so I can walk without looking like an incoming iceberg.”

4/13/2000

(Translated transmission sent out to all trolls at 0413 hours GMT)

ALERT: ALL FIGHTERS ARE TO CEASE IMMEDIATELY AND REPORT TO THE NEAREST SHIP.  LEAVE ANY SKIRMISHES AT ONCE.

(Translated transmission sent out to all trolls at 0612 hours GMT)

ALERT: THE EMPRESS HAS FALLEN. ALL HAIL HER NEW IMPERIAL CONDESCENSION, FEFERI PEIXES. MAY HER RULE BE LONG AND BOUNTIFUL.

(Transmission to humans from rebel troll party to their human contacts at the UN)

TROLL REBEL LEADER: We did it!!! Congratulations, motherfuckers, the old hag’s dead! Feferi’s ready to talk to you whenever, she says. Just let us know!

6/12/2000

(excerpts from front page Newspaper article)

INTERPLANETARY PEACE OFFICIAL

The UN officially announced that peace negotiations with Her Imperial Condescension were a success, today.  The young Alternian Empress has promised that she has no intention of attempting to conquer Earth, and hopes to undo much of the wrongs her predecessor caused both to Earth and other planets. She has also stated that she hopes that communications between Alternia and Earth can begin in earnest, and would like to someday be allies and trading partners.

Those who fought against the Alternian invasion are to be honored in coming days. Foremost among those to be honored are the increasingly notorious triad of Derek Strider and Rachel and Ramona Lalonde, who became quite infamous over radio stations as a result of their own hodgepodge resistance, formed the same year the invasion began. The youngest of the three (Derek and Rachel, now 22 and 23, respectively) were in high school when the invasion came out. Despite this, they have been incredibly successful in their heroic efforts to protect the planet.  Rachel Lalonde, when given the news, responded cheerfully that she is glad to be able to spend more time on “taking care of all these dang kids I have running around.” Ramona Lalonde and Derek Strider were unavailable for comment.