#and now theres a cannula in my arm

[harveylikestoart]

It is an absolute crime that i am ill AND in hospittle. I wanna draw some TURTS!!!! And alsp a dum dum dndads THING!!!!

[doctorguilty]

Cw descriptive needle stuff sorry if the read more doesnt work

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YEAH IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD I'm used to just regular old butterfly needles and cannulas and I was expecting that I guess because I didn't know intravenous needles.. got any bigger than that?? So when the phlebotomist whipped that out and started putting it towards my arm my brain internally was like WAIT WAIT THERES A SMALLER ONE IN THERE RIGHT WAIT THATS NOT GOING IN IS IT OH FUCK IT IS which was summarized vocally by me impulsively going "oh that's a big boy" shfdjjfjdjfjd

Ngl it was painful, not excruciating but way more than a typical IV and scarier since like, when you get saline and whatever the metal part doesnt actually stay in you a little plastic thing does but this was like NOPE BIG METAL TUBE SITS RIGHT IN THERE

After the bag got filled my blood clotted before they could fill the like, little vacutainer vials and without those my blood cant be used for transfusions so I consented to getting stuck in the other arm with a normal vacutainer needle or whatever its called which was fine oof now both my arms are sore

Also all the phlebotomists were like TEHE YOU HAVE TINY VEINS LOOK AT YOUR CUTE LITTLE TINY VEINS SO ADORABLE and it felt like the doctor version of the HAHAHAHA HOW ARE YOU THAT SMALL meme (but not actually in an upsetting way)

Anyway so thats how all that went also they gave me free socks

[mumofadaofficial-blog]

C Sections - The ‘Easy’ way out

Firstly, what I have titled this is bullshit :) 

Secondly, no matter what way you give birth to your child whether it be naturally, assisted, c-section etc you are amazing for doing so. Not only have you grown that tiny human with your own body, you then bring he/she into the world in whatever way possible or necessary at that time - so fucking well done you! 

My mum told me from the start that every pregnancy and birth has its own story - and that is so very true. No two are the same and each and everyone should be celebrated for the greatness that it is. 

My personal experience was via an emergency c-section and I want to share that with you. 

From day one I had it all planned out, I wanted a water birth and I wanted it all to be as natural as possible. Id seen on one born, various videos and pictures on the internet of that special moment when a mother holds their child for the first time, I wanted that and the closeness that came with it. Unfortunately, having to be induced and the aftermath that followed that obviously wasn’t the way my story was meant to go. 

When you get told you need to have a section your all systems go, your ready for it, you just want your baby out and safe. You and anything else in the world suddenly have no importance anymore and all you want is to hear those little baby cries.

I remember signing a consent form that I never read, I don’t remember getting undressed and putting a gown on so god knows who did that and I remember going into theatre where they were talking me through things and getting me prepped for surgery. 

I don’t know what they said to me, I really wasn’t listening. All I can remember asking again and again is where Nath was and why wasn’t he in there. (Of corse, like the movies he was getting all scrubbed up - dishy).

It was that moment sat on the edge of the table that the panic set in, you suddenly feel very alone in a room full of people. I became scared of what was happening and the thought that I was about to undergo the first major surgery I’d ever had. Jesus Christ, I’ve only ever broke my little finger before and thats when I was about 8, so this was big time. I was told to curve myself over a cushion whilst they injected my spine, then immediately laid down on the table, and asked to lift my legs - couldn’t do it, job done. Thankfully Nath had come in by then and I felt more relaxed like I could cope with what was going on. 

When it was all underway I can remember saying to Nathan that it felt like the doctor was making a pizza with my stomach 😂 He thought I was high! It’s the oddest thing, to be able to feel that someone is doing something, but to have no sensation whatsoever. Within about 15 minutes of entering the room, Ada was born. I then had to be sewn up which took about three times as long as the birth! Also, absolutely mortified that it isn’t like one born every minute where you have a gown covering your modesty. Nothing modest about realising afterwards that the doctors have just been staring at your vagina for the past half hour or so and it definitely wasn’t covered up. (I mean they probably wasn’t looking at it at all, but you know what I mean). 

I was took into a side room afterward for recovery where they fitted a catheter, what amazing things those are! Don’t even know you need a wee and that things filling itself up! Definitely don’t get confused with catheter and cannula when talking afterwards…done that far too many times and got some strange looks! It was then that the mum guilt started to set in, not only was I worried about Ada, I felt like I had failed her. Everything had been planned so perfectly in my mind of how I wanted it to go, and I felt like I had failed to deliver that to myself and my child. I felt like I wasn’t capable of giving birth, so someone else had to intervene and do it for me. (I realise now that I was stupid to think that and I did what I needed to as a mother, but I’m sure a lot of people who have had a section will understand where I am coming from). I’ve since seen a meme that said ‘I had an epidural, then I had a c-section, then I bottle fed, and now I’m sitting here at the playground wondering what all the guilt was about because my kid is just as weird as yours’ Oh so true!!

Then the time comes when you’ve managed to get some movement and feeling back into your legs and you have to stand up. Now I was told ’Stand with your legs, don’t push with your arms and don’t pull on your tummy muscles’ Easier fucking said than done Susan! (I don’t think her name was Susan, but it fits) You’ve just had your stomach muscles and womb sliced through, but just use your legs that also have no strength because there definitely a bit numb still but your desperate to get up and see your baby. 

Now when that aesthetic starts to wear off, I am not going to sugar coat it, its fucking painful. Your fully aware of whats going on down there even when you just breath, god forbid you need to sneeze or cough! I think I definitely got up and about too soon, I was dizzy and lightheaded and felt like the blood had drained out of me when I got back into bed after seeing Ada. And I happily accepted any drug they wanted to give me, I couldn’t tell you what they were but they helped, so thanks for that part Susan. 

The first night was a bit of a blur with how I was feeling because of everything else that was going on but I know simple things, like moving in bed and trying to sit up was hard work. I was given medication throughout the night by a midwife, who informed me I had been given some sort of super ibuprofen up my bum whilst on the operating table 😂 - which apparently I consented too but I had no idea, good work doc, didn’t even realise. 

The following day I decided I needed to have a shower and sort my life out, all whilst Nathan was doing a great job of whizzing me around the hospital backwards in a wheelchair because we hadn’t quite got the hang of it going forward. Thankfully there was a seat in the shower, I’d never of had the strength to be able to stand for that length of time. It’s at times like that when you realise how much you take for granted being able to do everyday things. I remember sitting there and crying out of frustration, feeling like a massive, naked, deflated beach ball. Good job Nathan loves me because no one should have to see that haha. He washed my hair, washed me and then helped me up and got me dry.  Graphic bit coming up…sorry. SO for anyone who ends up having a c section, make sure you take your pad and fresh knickers into the bathroom with you. I am saying this after learning a lesson, I did not, and was most shocked and mortified when it looked like Satan had released himself all over the bathroom floor. Nathan was pretty shocked too, he ran and got a midwife - apparently its all normal! So relax 😅

Something else that comes with c-sections…knee high compression socks. Now if your by yourself, you better ask for help. There is no way whatsoever that you will get them bad boys on single handedly after that op, Nath had to pretty much choke slam me into mine. Also, really not the best fashion accessory when its 30 something degrees outside…I think mine lasted about two days!

And then comes the dreaded day, the first poo 😳 Id been taking iron pills, three a day. To try and counteract the affect that they have on you I’d been given lactulose. Nothing was happening, I think probably 5 days past and then the urge came! I remember sitting on that toilet and wanting to push but there isn’t a single thing in your body thats gonna let you do that, so you just sit and wait, like your waiting for fucking Christmas. That was no bloody Christmas let me tell you, black poop! Straight on google to check I wasn’t dying…turns out, just the iron tablets 😂 

Totally never realised you have to have injections after a c section either, absolutely fine when the midwives are doing it for you, then you get discharged…AND YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF! Theres something really hard about trying to give yourself an injection in your stomach, id have to psych myself up about ten times before id actually get it done. 

Before I was discharged I had a lady come and do some exercises with me, and show me the correct way to cough e.g. holding your stomach. All fine as you know when your going to cough, but a sneeze! Oh lord, they just pop up out of nowhere, no preparation, nothing. I sneezed unexpectedly one night and was convinced I had split my stomach open, obvs Dr. Nathan checked the situation out for me - just being a drama queen as usual!

You are also told ‘Don’t do too much, and don’t lift anything heavier than a kettle for 6 weeks’ Pretty sure Ada came out weighing more than a kettle so that was that one buggered! I definitely used to do too much around the house, washing etc, but you know about it afterwards. I think for a good few weeks I just ached continuously, Getting off the sofa, sitting up in bed, walking upstairs could all be pretty hard work somedays. 

Bleeding, who knew you could survive after losing so much blood. And just when you think it’s stopped, BOOM, guess who’s back, back again! Another thing I googled to see if I was dying, I wasn’t, and good old google informed me that everyone is different but it can last for a few months on and off, GREAT! What a glam life us mums have. 

Personally I am gutted that I won’t experience a natural birth, the chances of me having another baby is currently slim to none and even then I would book in for a c-section because I am too scared of what could happen after Ada. 

I think the point of this is to be mindful of what you say to someone, e.g. the easy way out, too posh to push etc. Not everyone has a choice, the ideal birth they have created in their mind has been taken away from them, some people won’t ever get the chance to experience a natural birth, a contraction, that first hold. Some people might opt to have a c-section, and that is totally fine! We all have to do what is best for us and has our Childs best interest at heart. 

So whatever choice you make or have to make, do it for you and your baby - fuck what everyone else says, this is your story, not theirs. 

Amy x

[godguy0001]

LAST:

1. Drink: White hot chocolate 2. Phone call: My Dad! 3. Text message: My Nana! 4. Song you listen to: Depends on my mood, but ive been into Stromae recently 5. Time you cried: Years ago. 

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Ive barely dated anyone once. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No 8. Been cheated on: Nope.  9. Lost someone special: Yes. 10. Been depressed: I think so yeah, i’ve been trying to forget and move on tbh. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope, never been drunk enough.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Purple 13. Gold 14. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Heck yeah! 16. Fallen out of love: Not that i can remember. 17. Laughed until you cried: Yes, so many times. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Rumours have been shut down in the past year. 20. Found out who your friends are: Yeah! Ive realised what it really means to have a Best friend! 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yup

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: If i don’t know someone i tend to not add them. 23. Do you have any pets: Yup! I have a cat named Alfie! 24. Do you want to change your name: Not really. I have a long name and it makes up my nickname so i would prefer to keep it. 25. What did you do for your last birthday: Went out with my dad to comic-con and later went to Gourmet Burger Kitchen! 26. What time do you wake up: Depends on many a thing. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: playing stardew valley. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: My cosplay for this years Comic-Con is getting completed tomorrow! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: i don’t care, as long as its in the months, im happy. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Fucken gapsalot with my fucked up tooth please. 31. What are you listening to right now: Gundam ost. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I have no clue tbh. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My College Tutors. 34. Most visited website: Paranatural/ Flight rising. 35. Mole/s: I have two per arm, and one on my chin, which is a fucker to shave.  36. Mark/s: I have two scars from my pacemaker. One scar in my eyebrow from when i got punched by a dog, and all sorts of mini scars on my hands from cannulas and such. 37. Childhood dream: my childhood dream was to drive a steam train. 38. Hair color: Sort of mousey brown, although it sure as shit aint staying that way. 39. Long or short hair: I prefer it short. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes I do. 41. What do you like about yourself: Theres a lot of things that i do enjoy about myself, i like to think im attractive, im patient, blah blah blah. I just dont like these sorts of questions because I always feel weird answering them. 42. Piercings: Nope, never have never will. 43. Blood type: I think is Some kind of A? idk though. 44. Nicknames?: Jed, every varyation of Jed the human brain can come up with, Fat-Fat Palomino, Chris, Big J, Fiendal, Duck, JJ, and probably more. 45. Relationship status: Single. 46. Zodiac: Scorpio. 47. Pronouns: He/his/him. 48. Favorite TV Show: Thomas and friends and i admit that with no shame. 50. Right or left hand: Right handed. 51. Surgery: I have a pacemaker so yeah, at least thrice now. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Ive dyed it once, it was Jet black. 53. Sport: I quite enjoy sports, but only if I can keep my energy usage down. 55. Vacation: there are quite a few places i would like to go. 56. Pair of trainers: Theyre kind of new? Idk theyre less than a year old.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: not eating right now. But i snack on whatever really. 58. Drinking: White hot chocolate. 59. I’m about to: Go to bed. 62. Want: More time or someone who appreciates me. 63. Get married: I’ll see when the time comes. 64. Career: What now? 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs i’d say, at least that way there can be breathing and film watching. 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes. Eyes can have so many more intricacies than lips. 67. Shorter or taller: I’m not the tallest but i am taller than a lot of people, i do like to be around smaller people though. 68. Older or younger: I don’t really care? As long as theres mutual respect im fine. but there is a comfort bracket. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I have no idea, i dont really focus on bodies. 71. Sensitive or loud: Once again, as long as theres respect, i dont care, 72. Hook up or relationship: I’d rather have a relationship because theres a certain amount of trust and caring that goes into them. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: I am the hesitant one so i need troublemakers to bring out that side of me.

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: Nope, don’t like the idea. 75. Drank hard liquor: I think so? 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Never needed them. 77. Turned someone down: Never needed to. 78. Sex on the first date: Never had sex. 79. Broken someone’s heart: Probably not. 80. Had your heart broken: HA, yes. 81. Been arrested: No 82. Cried when someone died: Yes 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: I will believe in myself even when im not sure of my skills. 85. Miracles: There are things which can only be descibed as such. 86. Love at first sight: Yeah, i think it can happen. Just allow some time to know each other. 87. Santa Claus: If Santa clause isn't real then who threw my present at me at midnight last year. And whos face am i to curbstomp in revenge this year >:( 88. Kiss on the first date: Go nuts.

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Henry and Asa! 91. Eye color: Blue. 92. Favorite movie: This is the most evil question i have ever encountered. Also its thomas and the magic railroad and I admit that with absolutley zero shame too.

I tag anyone who wants to do this. Just do it if you say you want to.