#and now the physiotherapist said I have to limit my screen time until I feel better anyway

[defiantcatlady]

after over a year of feeling like death warmed over and being told over and over that it’s “just depression” or I’m making it up, finally someone believed me and actually found something! and they even said it’s fixable with a few months of (intensive, ugh) physiotherapy. I’m so hopeful it will work and so scared it won’t, but it should only (”only”) take a few months, so I’ll know soon enough.

[abrokenpromise3]

Love hard

By me

September 2014

This writing is inspired and blended by true stories, where the place is not revealed, rather let the readers to choose the settings. All the characters however are fictitious and the storyline has been massively edited to suit the story as a published one. The style of language and grammatical errors are upon apology since the writer isn’t a native speaker of English, merely using the language to enhance his or her writing in English. The writer tries to make the piece of his or her work as real as possible hence all vulgar and foul languages are ineluctable. Heheh. Happy reading.                  

                                                        Warning:

              This writing has explicit contents. Kindly       read with your own preference. (=

              p/s: This is      like, my first writing for a complete story in my whole life. Sorry, it      doesn’t have many values and far from being artistic.

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Feelings? Love? What it means now without you.

Ben’s POV

‘I love you with the deepest of my hates of you.’

She texted me that. I chuckled on how pathetic she was now. I wondered how people only could appreciate someone they claimed they loved only after he or she had gone, and I knew this statement was very cliché. Yes it was cliché, yet only those who were under that kind of circumstances understood what it meant and felt the pain when they were lonely, indulged with loneliness, alone at the end of the day, even there would never be a single, slight bruise of it. Fool.

She would never change, I said to myself. How could that girl be, because, as far as I cared to concern, just yesterday, or this morning she seemed to be burnt with spirit for a better her in her pleading texts. Yet?

I typed on my iPhone screen,

‘Then it doesn’t mean anything to me.’

I didn’t need to wait long enough to hear another ring from her text. I didn’t think I should go on with this kind of conversation, she was too tiring and irritating, yet I loved her, perhaps. I just didn’t show it recently, because I knew, the more I showed and showered her with my care, the often she would tear my heart apart with her crude and rotten words and immature cries. She was not a person I guessed.

I intended to ignore it, and another ring with vibrate came. Luckily it wasn’t from her this time. Sara. She was another girl I met almost a year ago. She was nice, quite a pretty girl I could say, with two deep dimples on both of her fair cheeks, such a stalker I could describe myself huh, very delicate in the outside, seemed more like a refined girl next door. Soft spoken and mostly, polite with my mom, and dad as well. She was my neighbour. She went to the same high school as I was. Yup, I went to the public school, kind of boring with some faces of kids I had seen since kindergarten, my stupid friends though. Since she helped me with my cut one day at school, Sara and I always hung out together, stick to each other like glued at school, with some other friends of mine. They were different with her, I mean, the characters and everything but she seemed like she didn’t mind at all. We, the guys instead became politer and charmer when she was around, unlike our real selves, loud and vulgar. Well Bob was the head of student council so, we kind of having his backup, on almost every bad things we did. Heh.  

‘Are you coming tonight? (=’

She sent me a message with an emoticon. Even over the phone she wanted to smile?

‘Yup, sure. Who prepares all the meals?’

I purposely tried to tease, or more accurate, to test her.

‘Haha my mother of course. I was just helping her..’

Of course, you would never admit right. She was different with my girlfriend. Totally opposite. If she liked white, my girl liked black very much; for sure she wasn’t the punk type of individual, merely preference. If Sara cried until her cheeks beautifully puffed when she bumped into a spider and bothered to help it out of some sort of container or glass if it got stuck, Maira, my girlfriend would scream her throat out until it sored tomorrow morning and stepped on it without a dew-drop size of mercy. Yet, people say, love was blind. Or was I under some spell she put into my drink when we went out dating?!

Maira, such a lovely name for a lovely figure of her. Came to know her when I went to boarding school at the age of 13. Orientation was like hell. We barely made it to shower. Unpleasant smells all around. Yet I was lucky to gain attention from seniors so I wouldn’t be so tortured like the rest, with some other few boys I just met, yet we laughed at the back of the dorm’s building like we had known each other for years. Maybe it was because of my character, I admit, I was kind of loud, sometimes, or always. Not the bad kind of loud though.

We were forced to make a line according to some sort of matter, when my eyes first fall on her plain beauty face. She was in front of me. She suddenly turned her figure to face me, and asked a question that revealed the limitation of her mental absorption of memories. She asked me my name that already known to every single person in the hall. Yup, I always got pumped for being late with some other stupid kids so it was kind of infamous, yet better than nothing huh. That didn’t stop me from feeling fast paces of thumping inside of my chest. Her eyes were beautiful even without a single make up. With a shaking voice, I said

‘Ben, and you are..?’

‘Maira.’

And she smiled, and I was like, oh no, I guessed it wasn’t because of her eyes, but her smile. No other smiles can defeat the sweetness of hers, I promise, not even until today.

‘Maira like a full name?’

‘Am..’

Our conversation was interrupted by facilitators giving instruction to us. The rest of the day, my eyes just could not be taken off of her. She just sat there without a friend. She was a lonely girl. No, no it wasn’t time to pounce like other guy would do. Hell no Ben, she was just, too fragile and I felt so protective over her all of the sudden. Fool, I was just like 13 that time.

‘Bennn!!’

The shout of my mom from downstairs shaved away my thoughts.

‘Whattt!??’

I replied with the same intonation as hers from my room. My door was a bit open. A crack shot that she would hear. Waiting another lines from her, yet quite, I closed the lid of my Mac, threw it aside, let it landed on soft duvet and got up. Dragging my legs with the laziest determination, I went down the stairs with only pyjama and, shirtless.

 Sara’s POV

‘Bennn!!’

His mother shouted from in front of me. I stunned as my family were all never shouted at each other but I didn’t show. She seemed dressed. I did invite her but she stated that she had gotten some work to do, I didn’t expect work like outside.

‘Whattt!??’

I heard a reply, a male voice which obviously was Ben’s. I formed an awkward smile and my eyes trailed her when she went up the stairs, probably fetching her son. I texted Ben that I wanted to come over but he didn’t reply so I just grabbed my car key and drove here, even it just took less than a minute, walking would probably hours, oh I was just exaggerating. We live in the same housing area accept for his house was bigger than mine, obviously. Even though his parents had divorced, his mother alone could afford a good living for him and this spacious three storey terrace house, which looked more like an attached line of bungalows to me, proved it. As far as I know about him after almost a year of friendship, his mother was an independent woman that had a very good career to be proud of, physiotherapist that worked with government, a very experienced one. She was too beautiful too for her age. Yet if compared with his dad, he seemed richer but I wasn’t sure myself of what kind of company he owned. Ben rarely talked about him. He lived with his mother and his younger sister lived with their dad. Seemed like an obvious broken family.

‘Arghhh mom…’

I heard but only the silhouettes could be seen from half of the stairs.

‘Sara’s here. Hey, where’s your shirt? Put one on now!’

I heard his mother nagging him. It was so funny, he was like a kid when he was with his mother. I could imagine his pout right now.

‘Mom… it was just Sara, no one else..’

And now he was probably making his puppy face and patting his mother’s shoulder. They were more like friends to me.

His mother just ignored him and went up, base of the shadows I saw.

‘And oh Benjamin, anything happen to my car during my absence, you are fully responsible for it. Understood honey.? Aunt Hanna is coming any minute. I don’t want her to see you naked you see.’

She added and I only heard his chuckle as a reply. Absence? Perhaps outstation? Ben didn’t tell me anything though.

His figure came to my view few seconds later.

‘Hey Sara. You, came?’

He raised his eyebrow, looking wondered and grinned. I could feel my cheeks became warm and I knew my blush was showing as I saw him without any t-shirt on. God knows how handsome he was even he was just like 17, the same age as mine. Straight yet sparked hair, kind of messy sometimes, six pads, muscular body, tanned skin, perhaps due to his sport at school, rugby as main and softball as side interest and above all, 5’8 in height. All perfect. Yet, he was too hard to get. He didn’t look at any other girl with his passionate love accept for Maira. He was way too faithful in his relationship. Maira, she was too lucky to get him. Didn’t she know how to appreciate this piece of gold in front of me now? I looked down to his torso, afraid of revealing more of what had been revealed through my eyes, but catching a view of his happy trail, I blushed even more now.

‘I did text you. I want to pick you up. Your car’s still in workshop, isn’t it? Your mother won’t allow you to drive hers right? But, did she just now? Didn’t you read it, my text?’

I blurted out all the train-long questions with faked guts up. Felt a bit clumsy. I tried to look around the house to coo away my mixed feeling, shy and nervous. It was beautiful and spacious, the theme was unmistakeably Victorian. The couch, the wallpapers, the vases, the clock, the big chandelier and what not. He used to say that his mother liked things about British and when I said my mother was planning on continuing her study in London past few days, she seemed so enthusiastic of my story.  

‘Oh, I’m sorry. I mustn’t have read it.’

He said with a genuine smile while making his way to the kitchen. I followed him from behind, yet making sure I wasn’t too close so if he made a sudden stop, we would not bump, or.. better that way. Heh.

‘However thank you hon. You know, I can just walk.’

By the way, this birthday party of your brother, shouldn’t it like, be on his birthday? Why it is celebrated early? Any occasion huh?’

He ended his husky voice with a grab of glass from a rack, a Victorian style too. I saw him taking out some sort of juice from the fat fridge and easily closed it back with a slight swing of his muscular arm. I was too busy stalking him that I didn’t notice he was staring back at me, with a confused look and suddenly smirking. Blinking fast few times he said,

‘What are you, checking on me?’

It sounded cocky. I gasped with his statement. Lucky that the kitchen’s lamp was kind of gloomy, or else my blush could nowhere be hidden by now.

‘Heyy, no way man. I wasn’t that into you like your crazy girlfriend okay. Forever never ever no okay.!’

I said firmly even I knew, I was saying a big fat lie. I love you. Love you like forever and ever. And ever it was, I could not tell you.

He laughed his throat out that his Adam’s apple was moving according to the rhythmic pace. His eyes were teary after ending his laugh seconds later.

‘Oh God, you’re just too funny babe’

What’s so funny? He made his way to the kitchen island, along with an endless perverted smile. Leaning against the marble, he poured some orange juice into the glass and showed it to me.

With a little seductive smile I said

‘No thank you.’

He drank it then without any delay, obviously that juice wasn’t intended for me right Ben. Huh.

‘You see, she wasn’t stupid, just, clueless sometimes. Can’t you guys just made up?’

He said after finishing his juice and putting the glass together with the bottle on the island.

Oh he laughed because of Maira. How every small little thing about Maira brought a different happiness to you? It hurt me Ben. Didn’t you see it already?

I forced my lips to form its most plastic smile.

‘We are just fine with each other you know. It’s just, some things are better unfolded.’

He moved his head slightly to the right and his confused good looking face appeared again. No, I didn’t want to answer whatever you had in mind now Ben. I quickly cut him from asking any further question by asking him to get ready.

Few minutes later, when the clock ticked 8.35 pm, he was ready with his styled hair, jeans and tight black shirt, seemed purposely to show off his broad chest. His body smelled very nice, I wondered what kind of exclusive cologne he put on his body because I had never smelled other guys with this scent. Masculine and boyish at the same time. Overall, he looked very simple yet, very gorgeously charming. He put his wallet into his back jeans’ pocket with his phone grabbed firm in his left palm with a little box, wrapped in a rather cute wrapping paper, perhaps Daniel’s present, we stepped out of the house, smiling at each other, ready for my beloved brother’s birthday party.

 Ben’s POV.

I was just looking at the kids playing, and running around Sara’s lawn while waiting for her to bring me some drinks. I told her that I could take it by myself but she insisted. She was very feminine and my other friends, mostly guys were weird of how could we claim that we were just good friends with each other when our acts didn’t show it that way. It showed the opposite. I didn’t know how to clarify that. It was just, perhaps because she was too delicate and I was being too careful to make harsh jokes on her, I always chose my words whenever talking to her so it sounded polite, as polite as she treated me. Back to reality, this birthday party was really like a kid’s birthday party with colourful balloons everywhere. And, it suited the occasion where her brother was only like six or seven years old. Looking around to find my friends, perhaps they were bringing some of their brothers or sisters, yet failed and ended up catching up a view of parents chatting. Sara’s parents were nowhere to be found by my eyes too since few minutes ago I reached her house. Maybe they were all inside. Huh, I wasn’t really in the mood of indulged by crowds right now. I just wanted my time alone, or with my friends, hanging out till morning outside, drinking and watching whatever matches there were. I just broke up with my girlfriend dude, yet I still called her my girlfriend.

I texted Bob, asking him where he was when I saw Sara approaching with a glass of green-in-colour drinks in her left hand and a plate of desserts or something in her right hand.  

I smiled at her, perhaps my oww look was showing all over my face. I couldn’t help it. She was too nice to me, to everyone. Unlike Maira, and I didn’t know why I kept on comparing these two girls lately. Maira, she wasn’t trashy or what, she was just, her.

Sara replied my smile, put the food and drinks on the table and said that she needed to change.

‘You need to change to what? Aren’t you wearing proper clothes right now?’

I asked her because, it was true. She already looked beautiful with just a shirt and denim.

‘Oh, there were adults all around. My parents would get upset to see me in this you see.’

And yes, that statement was kind of weird and very very old school and conservative. I sent her away with my eyes and accidently looking at the swaying of her tooshie. A river of shivers came cruising my body and rusty mind and my heart suddenly beating quite fast. I looked around again to distract myself from thinking of her that way. As I saw few guys a bit older than my age staring her the same way as I did just now, I clenched my teeth. Feel like kicking their balls. Man.

The desk vibrated, washing away my fling anger. I picked up the phone and drew a pattern to unlock my phone, it was her, again. Couldn’t she just get lost somewhere without her phone already? I wasn’t sure how many texts had I received from her since yesterday, since I broke up with her. Yes, she deserved it, guessed so.

‘Honey, please, I’m really sorry for my childish attitude. I’m sorry. I lov you. Please reply my text ASAP or else..’

‘Why are you being so cruel to me? Do you like her that much? B’cause you hav slept with her right. Did you?!! Sleep with me too then. Only then you know who tastes better you fu*ker!!’

My blood boiled with her mindless accuses. What shits had gotten into that girl huh. She was nice and a very soft spoken girl, very cheerful and funny when we went out together too. Yup crazy sometimes, but not this kind of craziness though. Getting to know her for almost a couple of years, there were so much sides of her. Bipolar much?

What were you up now baby? I was too tired to play all this stupid games you see. And I chose to ignore it, again.

I grabbed my drinks and took few sips to chill myself down before another vibration came from over the table. I knew it was her yet I bother to read it.

‘I will cut my hand off you know! I don’t care. You just don’t love me anymore. What’s the point of me loving myself then right?’

Another text coming.

‘I have a knife with me now.’

A long text with rather a threat instead of apology or coax. Would she do that?! Didn’t want to take a risk of what could happen cause of her crazy and mental sickness, I stood up, pushing the chair backward harshly and rather rushed into the house, looking for Sara. She was nowhere but my eyes caught her parents’ back. I went closer to them and greeted them first before apologizing for I couldn’t stay any longer. I faked an emergency of one of my friends instead of coming out with the statement that my psyco ex wanted to kill off herself right now and I needed to save her. They said their genuine condolence and I hugged Sara’s dad, like he was mine and made my way to home after giving Daniel his birthday present. Since now I didn’t have any vehicle with me, I had to run all the blocks before reaching home, and grabbing my mother’s car key. I knew she would kill me later because I was confirmed, I would drive recklessly but for now, that drama queen, stupid bitch needed to be stopped first.

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   Maira’s POV

I cried since yesterday. Yes said it Ben, said I was crazy and all. I was always wrong in your eyes right. Since she came, I had become the abandoned angel, thrown into a pit of fires and being turned into some sort of satanic demon. She was all you see now.

‘Don’t you say any other word to compare us again you fool, you fucker! You don’t love me anymore right? Go to hell with her!’

That was some last few lines I remembered saying to him. He stood there with a very sour and satanic face, like he would kill me anytime, full of hates and it hurt me Ben. I saw he clenched his fists and teeth, so I decided to stop spatting harsh words on his face for a while or I might get first bruises from his fists. I wasn’t ready for a bruised face in class. It would look hideous and disastrous. I didn’t like to be the centre of attention you know. I heard he inhaled harshly before breathing out calmer, like he was soothing his own feeling, which I didn’t care at all. He was the one who was wrong here, who was guilty here, not me. I was the victim.

‘Let’s just break up.’

And with that very cold piercing statement, he went to his car and crashing the door hard before igniting the engine and with impatient, he sped away. He never sounded like that, like all he had in him was just hatred of me, like all sweet things he said all lovely means I made this while meant nothing to him with just a single line of words. My head felt very dizzy all of the sudden and all my energy vaporising out of my soul.

A knock on my door vanished away my thoughts of yesterday’s event. My sister’s housemate, June came into view when I opened the door. I smiled plainly and looked down, trying to hide my puffy eyes, or rather bashed I could say. I didn’t mean to show to anyone how weak I was right now and how I really needed them by myself. No I didn’t, I just couldn’t keep and hide it all, the sorrow in me. I just couldn’t stop myself from crying, not for others’ attention, just him.

‘Stop crying sis.’

She said with a sympathetic look. I just smiled.

‘He is outside. He asked me to tell you to meet him.’

And with that she headed to her room after patting my shoulder. She was a nice person even I barely knew her. She just moved in. I came living here with my sister last year, a year after my mother passed away, and she had to pay double the house rent for both of us since then. My father lived with his new family and my school record turned bad afterwards so my sister invited me to live with her. She already had a job after graduating even it didn’t suite her qualification, at least she got one. I promised to pay her back one day so now I was working really hard on my school, err sometimes, not the same one as Ben went though. We first met at a boarding school, quite far away from here, his original hometown. To be exact, it was near my hometown instead. We met during orientation and I noticed him because he was quite popular among the facilitators and seniors. He said that I used to ask his name and he always teased me for forgetting it. Yes I did forget about the event though. The event that he said had taken away his heart with my smile, my worst smile in the worst week ever. Few weeks later, he confessed that he liked me, yes at 13, he confessed what he felt of me and I was feeling insecure of accepting him. I was not used of being known to most students so I decided to stay away from him. I was very nerdy and geek, all the words you wanted to say back then. Every time I saw him I would run myself away, I didn’t want him to see me in the most pathetic situations, which mostly where I were being left alone by all the class mates, belittled by my own dorm mates and worst, all the subjects seemed so hard that I couldn’t get over than 60% in most subjects accepted for English and looked very stupid. Dude, this is boarding school, they didn’t select you to come out with average marks. I was so depressed and I decided to leave the school and started at a public one back in my hometown. The rest of the story, only known to me after I met him last two years, when I moved here, lucky me.

My new friend, Maria asked me out one day. And since I was still new, I wasn’t hesitate to follow her, why not getting to know a new place, isn’t it. She said that we were going out with another two friends of hers from other school, guys if I didn’t mind. Well I wasn’t like me few years ago, however still sheltered, yet it was fine for me. She seemed nice too, not like some bad people with bleached head and nails who slept around like a slut. Plus, her mother was sending and picking us up and I used to go to her house once so if anything happened, I know where my sister could go to throw tantrum at.

She said that they were waiting for us somewhere in the mall. Reaching a bench occupied with two guys, which one of them obviously looked charming for the eyes of 16 year old girl, I stuttered, because he, apart the fact that he was dazzlingly good looking, he looked familiar too. And, he seemed stuttered as well.

Both of them stood up, and I could not help but noticed that the good looking guy kept looking at me with a grin, a very meaningful grin until both of us were being introduced by Maria.

‘Hi I’m Benjamin. Just, Ben.’

He said with his husky manly voice.

He smiled very cheerfully I could say and I blushed as he grabbed my hand for a shake. His brush was soft yet gripping. What sport he played, I wondered that time because he seemed maturer than his age, our age with his physical body and what not. Like 20 or 20.

All day we were just talking, laughing, story-telling, and did stuffs like watching movie and eating big fat calories from fast food restaurant and small stalls. Yet I was not really into talking, merely standing there as a cheerleader, as a third party.

As we were getting home, I saw Bob dragging Maria’s hand and brought her away from Ben and I, seemed like he was in urge to talk about something very important, but not a tensed one. We understood that and decided to wait for them at a corner.

‘So, Maira..’

I looked at from where the source of the voice that had made myself in a very derange state the whole day. A good derange though.

‘Er yes?’

I answered nervously. My cheek were cruel, they couldn’t stop blushing right now. I couldn’t look at his eyes, the gazes were too intense for my heart to bear.

‘We met again then.’

He chuckled. He seemed nervous too yet full of excitement and passion. He seemed like he had just found something very precious in his life that had lost for years. And, that couldn’t be me right? How come?

‘Hmm’

I cleared my throat and tried gathering as much confidence as I could to look at him.

‘Wh.. What do mean?’

I raised my eyebrow with no intention at all of doing so.

‘Well..’

He stopped a while before continuing.

‘Remember when you were 13, you asked me my name during our orientation at boarding school?’

He sounded very seducing and his lips formed a very teasing yet alluring smirk.

My jaw dropped. I didn’t remember the incident as well as his face even it was too tempting to be forgotten, yet I did, but I remembered the boarding school and the boy who had a crush on nerdy me. Oh God. Ben. That Ben. Again? And this time, I wasn’t going to run away.

He proposed me back few days afterwards and I accepted it willingly.

A song followed by a rhythmic vibration as my caller ringtone from my flipped phone woke me up from my thoughts. I picked up the phone and heard his voice over the line.

‘Are you going to see me or not?’

Ben asked me, his voice sounded as cold as the winter snow.

‘Em, wait a sec.’

And with that I ended the conversation. I got change and put on a little make up, my face looked horrible, I guessed I got all the qualification it wanted to be casted for horror or ghost movies.

Applying my cocoa butter I just bought, and feeling confidence, well, way down through the reflection from the mirror, which it didn’t matter much right now, I dragged my legs to meet Ben. God knows how afraid I was of him right now, but I didn’t care, as long as I have him by my door at this moment. I just didn’t want a break up.

I grabbed the door knob and push the door opened only to see his figure standing in front of me. His face was intense and he stared at me like he was going to eat me up at this freaking moment. I didn’t dare to look at his face, just looking straight at his torso.    

‘Dare you to look me at my face, I swear I will kill you this instant.’

He said. I gulped. Yes he was very mad. As I stepped outside and locked the door, he grabbed my hand tightly and dragged me to the parking space below the apartment where he parked his car. His grip was very firm that I could say it left a bruise. Bruising was better than bleeding huh?

Opening the passenger’s car door, he threw me harshly inside. I could not help it but cursed. Hopefully he didn’t hear me or things were going to be worse than it already were. I really wanted to kill that Sara girl right now for changing my baby into some possessed cow. A mad one.

He ignited the engine and drove away. His driving skill was super awesome too. Why he should be perfect on everything? Yet now, he was driving like a drunk man. He kept on silent along the way. I was also afraid to make any move, just sat quietly, what else to turn on the radio for a better atmosphere. I could not read his intention, his mind, where he was taking me to, but based on the familiar roads, it seemed like it headed to his house. What was up now?

Stopping at his lawn without a proper parking at the garage, he went out of the car, once again dragging me but this time into his house. I was forced to keep the same fast pace of his steps until I felt like rolling onto the ground. But I know he wasn’t letting me to die that easy tonight.

He unlocked the front door, easy for him for being left handed and less the easy for him for using just one hand. Yet he managed and pushed it gratingly and closed it with the same manner. I tried my luck to let go off of his hand yet it was too powerful.

‘Let go of me.’

I begged, rather demanding.

‘Aunty!’

I shouted calling for his mother for help, hopefully her side was on this helpless girl.

I saw an evil smirk on his face.

‘Do you think I’m that stupid to bring you over when my mom’s around?’

He said teasing. He then clenched my dark long hair and bringing my head over, close to his with a rough sway. My scalp felt hurt but my fear overcame it. What was his intention? God. Now I regretted all my stupid texts.

‘What do you want Ben?’

I asked with a wimpy cracked voice.

‘You did ask me to taste you right?’

His warm breaths brushed my face from top of me.

‘And now you ask me what I want?’

I saw him clenching his teeth again. He drew my face closer and crashed his rough lustful kiss on my lips. Our, first, kiss. I couldn’t hold it anymore and burst my tears with my lips still locked in his. He bit my lower lip and savouring it eagerly even harder as I cried, weird sounds that seemed more like moans had turned him on. I could feel his soft and alluring tongue trying to enter my mouth but I tried hard not to give a chance. He seemed to notice my fight and smirked within the kisses. His left hand suddenly made its move to touch my body as he pleased. Landed on my hips, he made attempt to slid under my shirt. I tried to stop and pushing him yet I was too pathetic and he was way too strong for me. I was just a woman with him, being twice as strong as a normal guy. His tanned hand moved passionately, rubbing my bare skin until it reached my bra, and I knew, once and only once he unclicked it, I was a dead meat, and so he did. I gasped of his action and his tongue immediately pushed inside of my mouth vigorously meeting mine and savouring its tastes, rolling it together. His right hand released my hair and made its way to clench my jaw this time, gluing so it would not bit his tongue while his other hand trying to finish what it started. I knew his intention so my two hands that were still free cupped my bra’s cups so he at least wouldn’t have chance to touch my boobs. He released me slowly after enduring my mouth for the last time, and raked me up and down with his piercing eyes.

His eyes then fell on hands on my boobs. Yes I would protect myself, my pride and dignity even it was from someone I love the most even with the last soul I have, even I know I couldn’t do a thing against Ben now. My texts were out of my insanity. I was doomed and only now dare to regret.

He laughed sarcastically looking at how thin my protection was now, just two hands cupping it securely. He grabbed my small body with no hardship and lifted me onto his shoulder, my wrist at his shoulder and my hips at his face to be exact. I was shocked with his sudden move, I struggled. My legs kept on swaying even I knew it was useless until it bumped with a hard member of his. I know I was really a dead meat now.

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 Ben’s POV

She struggled to release herself from my capture but her physical was too weak and easy. I felt a slight of pride crept into my heart as I had all the power against her. I brought her up to my room without difficulty, crashing her onto the bed, taking off my shirt and throwing it on the floor. My hands struggled to unbuckle my belt, they were shaking from some sort of adrenaline. I couldn’t think straight right now. My heart burnt with lustful desire over her body and my head couldn’t stop of imagining more than what I was seeing. She was crouching at the end of my bed after making moves backward, making glimpses full of fear and hugging herself like I was going to rape her. And in fact I was about to. I didn’t really care of the consequences of my doing right now. I was her first and she was mine, what if I hurt her and she bled heavily because my manly part was kind of big, and worst of all, what if she got pregnant because currently, I didn’t bring condom everywhere, preparing for things like this. I chose not to care though. I was possessed with a very lustful demon, hungry for a taste of a virgin, beautiful virgin like her.  

My jeans went down my legs after few moves, showing my short and I kicked the pants away. My member was showing its manhood, and indeed it never failed me. It hardened and became crazily horny from inside the short I was wearing and became tight. I had to pull off every single thread on my body right now so I did. I threw away my short and I was standing proud, naked with my turned on penis. I played with it, rubbed it back and forth, teasing her with a smirk on my face.

‘Don’t you dare to challenge me baby. I had it all you wanted now you see’

I smirked again, looking at my hard part and then at her, teasingly.

‘He.. hey Ben. Look. What I said, I wa wasn’t tthat ..’

She stuttered. I approached and crawled onto the bed. She crouched even more.

‘Im sorry..’

She said within a bursting tear. Oh God, this turned me on even more. Cry more baby. I just love it so much. I grabbed her legs and dragged it roughly near to me. She screamed yet I didn’t think anyone could hear her. She fell backwards against her back. I made quick move and made my way on top of her, locking her thighs from moving, it was as easy as a piece of shit. She was small and I guest her woman part was the same. Oh baby, this is going to be a long night I suppose?  

My right hand gripped her hand tightly, and my left hand caressed her cheek. I swallowed my throat, couldn’t wait to endure every single taste of her this instant. I bent down, trying to meet my lips with hers but she avoided. I ended up pecking the side of her neck. It smelled so nice, I inhaled the scent slowly before opening my mouth, biting her neck. I sucked it up and down eagerly that I could hear her moans, seemed like she was unwillingly enjoying it. I smiled between the smooches. She had the naughty side of her and it was showing in bed.

‘God you taste good baby. I can’t stop..’

I panted. I continued my action while my left hand trailed down her body. Her hand tried to stop me to but failed. I admire her spirit though. I couldn’t wait for more. Parting my kisses, I went backward and tried to pull off her clothes. She screamed even more now and scrambled. It didn’t stop my action, winning, I hurled the clothes somewhere down the floor before a piece of boobs showing freely, covered with only a loosed bra from downstairs scene just now. I smiled in triumph.

‘Oh God, please don’t do this Ben. I, I don’t want it to be like this. I, I can, we can.. but not yet.. I wa wasn’t ready please.’

She pleaded. I could tell that she was blushing even with some light from outside.

Her words sounded like a lullaby to my burning desire now. This was the very first time I ever saw real boobs in front of my eyes and it were for real. My eyes raked them and tried to grab and take off her bra roughly until two tits with big iolas were showing. They were fair and seemed gorgeously alluring. I didn’t blink or think any other second before crashing my mouth to taste them. I savoured them, licked them, sucked them, all a guy ever wanted to do with big boobs. My tongue could feel her nipples were hardening and I knew she was enjoying it too. My left hand made its way to squeeze one of her breasts and I squeezed it hard before brushing and playing with her tit. Hearing her loud moans, without hesitation I smooched the other one hardly for more. My cork hardened even more now. I brushed it roughly against her covered part. Seconds later I heard her unbearable scream and she quickly covered her mouth. I knew I hit the spot.

‘Did your crotch enjoy it?’

I chuckled naughtily and wanting for more, I grabbed her denim and tried to unzip it, and brought it down to her lower thighs. She seemed to give up a little, probably still shocked with the hit just now. Her lilac feminine underpant was showing. My head and heart burnt with joy even more. I touched her waist, down to her underpant, sliding my middle fingers into it and pulled it down until some part of her vagina was now in my view. God, oh God, forgive me. Oh God, this was like the best night of my life.

I ripped it down raspingly and now I had gotten all the shots I wanted. A piece of fresh vagina was in front of me. It was fair and looked untouched. I smiled proudly at my own self and my girl as well. She took great care of it, for me. I bent down, only inches apart from hers before her hand pushed my head away.

‘Don’t, please.’

She begged. Tears ran down her puffy cheeks. My heart sank. No, no this wasn’t right. I stayed quite for a while on top of her before wheedling

‘Don’t worry, it wont hurt you see, I will not bite you. I promise baby.’

I said, half coaxing now. My feeling to make sex had turned for making love with her all of the sudden. She was the one I love the most anyway, no matter in what condition. I looked into her eyes and I knew, I would never have a heart to hurt her. Yet I had gotten things to be finished off now. I caressed her cheek with my thumb and fell to her lips. I brushed the soft complexion very delicately, assuring her that I won’t harm her, she could trust me, that we were together in this. She smiled, doubly at me. I knew she could never resist me, even she tried hard to deny it, I was always her man.

I squeezed her hands softly, kissing them and inched my face to touch the softness part of her, confident that she would not reject. She didn’t. I smiled again. For the first time, I licked it few times, inhaling the new and foreign smell that I gained from her upper part of vagina. It sent shivers all over my spine. I trailed down, my hands forced all the pants down, undressed her hastily, brushing my lips against her fair thigh while my hands crawled upward and spread her legs wider. A better view of her womanhood was in front of me. I gasped.

‘Em Ben..’

I didn’t reply, instead, slowly making my way to reach the middle of it and opened my mouth to get the taste of it. My tongue got a soft contact with the soft skin and felt some sort of mucus covering it. I could feel my mouth forming a naughty smile, so she was enjoying it all the while huh.

‘Ben.. don’t.’

‘Hush…’

I said and licked her vagina again, it tasted, very different and I enjoyed it. Bringing my nose close, I breathed in slowly, indulging the smell. Oh I could die now. I kissed it and sucked it, swallowed all the mucus until it dried away, rolling my tongue up and down until it met her crotch, faster and faster. I couldn’t help it, I bit it slowly with my lower teeth. She hissed and groaned, clenched my hair with both of her hands.  

‘Ouh Ben.. D.. don’t.’

I couldn’t stop. This was too tempting. I nursed her crotch, putting some pressure on it and she moaned, flinched again. Parted with her part, I leaned forward, pressed my palms against the soft bed to hold the weight of my body, trying to get a contact of my boner with her sticky alley before rubbing it. I fastened the pace as my hard part seemed to enjoy it very much. I couldn’t help but noticed that she was producing more mucus, making the intimate contact producing sound like some sort of soft splatter.

‘Bb.. Ben. I, ouh I c.. can’t take it.’

She gasped. Her crotch might sexually hurt due to the friction. I didn’t reply her, I was too busy savouring every moment.

My boner wanted more. Its head tried to enter her, pushed into a small hole of hers slowly but it didn’t seem to crack. I fondled a bit harder and harder until my dick’s head was fully in her now. It felt so good that I couldn’t back off now. I promise I would take care of you baby. I heard another moans from her. She clasped my neck and my hands wrapped her naked body close to mine, didn’t want to let go. I embraced her neck, sucking it here and there, didn’t really care of what would show up in the near future and my hands were busy cruising up and down her boobs, her hips, her tooshie. She was perfect.

My boner stroked her deeper this time, it felt so tight, so damn good. She screamed in unbearable pain, it seduced me even more. I thrust her even harder, and faster and faster, ignoring her pleadings.

‘Ouhh Ben urmphh God, it hurts me.’

She panted.

‘You want me to stop?’

I whispered at her ear, intended to tease her.

‘Nn no. No I want it baby. Dd.. don’t stop.’

It sent shivers through my spine hearing her saying that. She closed her eyes. She looked damn sexy, sweating and panting.

I became more excited and thrust her deeper. I could feel some sort of mucus flowing down, and it was a bit different from her shiny mucus I licked just now. I knew, I was taking her only pride now.

‘I promise, I would make you my wife baby, I promise’

I said firmly, with the biggest determination I ever had in my whole life.

I pecked her forehead and continued to finish what I had started.

My phone on the night stand all of the sudden rang. My hand tried to reach it and turned it off. I knew Sara would be upset of me for ignoring her calls since I left her house in hurry, but for now, I had a very serious job with my loved one to take care of.

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 Maira’s POV

‘I promise, I would make you my wife baby, I promise’

That was some few lines of his words that I caught before my mind disappearing into some sort of ecstasies, the best feeling of rushed adrenaline. He shot outside, as far as I remembered. I wasn’t sure if that helped in preventing me from getting pregnant because he wetted me few times, many times, I lost count as we kept on asking each other’s for more. The fact scared the hell out of me. If in case I got pregnant, I guess it probably won’t show any obvious signs, not at least until this November, two months or something from now, right? I wanted to sit on my last exam with no mocking stares, please no.

The sunrays that came in through his large glass window that wasn’t covered properly with the soft grey curtain shoved me out of my dream. I heard a soft snore beside me. I felt my body was hugged from my back, very firmly like the person didn’t want to let me go for good, or made me die from lack of air. I released myself from him, lifting his hand very gently, afraid of waking him up. Not that I cared if I disturb his sweet sleep, but more because I was afraid of confronting the fact that we got laid last night. Very not sure of what kind of reaction should I made. Angry? Nope. Tensed? Kind of but not too accurate. Sad? No I wasn’t really upset of what had happened between us. I have been dreaming for this. It was just that I didn’t expect it to be, this way. I always thought of losing my virginity with him somewhere where it would be more romantic like, Hawaii or something during our honeymoon. Yet, I didn’t regret it at all, not even the slightest regrets. Or shy? That was totally insane. I wasn’t shy at all at him all this while, acting crazy without no faking it. Oh God, how was I ever going to look at him in the eye without thinking how embarrassing my act last night was, moaning all over and all over again. God. I was doomed, such an idiot!

I grabbed all the possible clothes that seemed mine and put them on hastily like I was very late to school. School? Oh God, lucky today was Saturday. I stood up but after some move I made, I couldn’t bear the pain, stumbled and fell onto the soft furry carpet. Ouch that hurt. Even this was the first time for me, I could tell that his part was big, was very long enough to bring out pain in between my thighs up inside. The fall produced a rather loud thump. I quickly brought my eyes, peeping which didn’t like it at all, at Ben in bed. He moved a bit, seemed disturbed. Biting my lower lip, waiting for him to rise from under the cover yet he stayed quite few seconds later. God knows how I was going to get home with this condition. And thinking about that, I doubted that my neck didn’t show any hickeys because last night, I remembered having Ben sucking my body hard here and there. The event last night indeed created goosebumps all over my body. I stayed there for quite sometimes, finding a way to get home, and how not to get caught by my sister with the bruises and hickeys, and this funny walk. Without me realising it, I was stalking all over Ben’s room. It was very roomy and looked dashing, it suited him. Quite tidy, shockingly. The room was plain white, more like a modern style if compared with most spaces of his house, with a lot of walls decorations, mostly his winning medals and posters of his favourite artists. His black sturdy study desk with some piles of book under it sat quietly at some corner and some sort of black bookshelves near it mostly filled with trophies instead of books. There was a big screen television plastered on the wall with some sort of play station under it and there was also an X-Box. Huh. Over the big glass window with curtain covering it, there was rather a large grey couch, near his big bed with small black coffee table facing it with fresh red flowers in glass pot which was unknown to me, with a frame. A frame, of him and.. Sara. I moved closer to take a better look at the framed picture. Instead of me, it really was Sara’s. The back scene seemed familiar, it looked like the picture was taken somewhere in this room, while they were studying. I felt a bit of jealousy crept into my heart. I hate him, and her. I hate them! Ben had never invited me to his room, we just hung out mostly at his front lawn or sometimes living hall. And, he never ever bothered to study together. Whenever I asked him to teach me, he asked me to work for it by myself. Only after whining all day, only then he would do my homework, which mostly maths. I didn’t count. He did it all for me without teaching me back that I ended up clueless when my unbelievable gloomy math teacher asked me how did I get all the answers correct. Yeah, yeah I know, I had never liked him teaching me. He was too strict and fierce when he was teaching and lecturing me. I didn’t like it so most of the time, my mind just wandered around and I ignored him. Maybe that was the reason he liked hanging around with her instead of me, lately. God.

 Ben’s POV

I heard the fall sound, but my mind was too heavy to bother. I stayed quite, gathering all the determination to wake up. My energy was like, drained from the rocking and shaking last night. My lips was half smiling, naughtily I could say, thinking about it. I took a very deep breath, before moving aside and opened my eyes, rubbing them slowly. Maira was nowhere in bed. I lifted the cover off of my naked body and sat on the bed, yawning and stretching my arms. Looking around to find her, she was blushing on the floor with a very awkward forced smile, I believed so. I winked my left eye at her before smiling naughtily, raking her dressed figure up and down. I didn’t bother to cover my morning banana shape boner, instead felt proud of it and exposed it even more. Her cheeks turn red.        

‘Going home already? Don’t you wanna stay any longer? I’ve still got some in me if you know what I mean.’

I chuckled coolly. I lied. We barely slept last night. My body felt used, but if she was up for another round, well, why not, I was ready for action.

I turned my head to my left to get a view of the alarm clock on the night stand. It showed 7.16 am. Today was weekend and I didn’t feel the rush to go, well no where. Standing on my both feet, I walked passed her with my nude form, grabbing a towel before heading towards the toilet. The urge to let go of my water couldn’t be stopped.

Turning off the glass faucet after a quick shower, I heard the sound of a closed door. I stood still for a while, thinking, and smiled. Well, she couldn’t go home with whatever condition she was now. I wiped my body in haste, threw the used towel onto the counter before reaching my bath robe and covered my body. I didn’t usually take shower this early but my body needed wash, especially the man part of mine.  

Stepped out of the bathroom, I looked around for her, indeed she had gone, but couldn’t be far, perhaps just reaching the stairs down to the living hall, if my estimation was right. She was hurt, kind of bad I guessed. I penetrated her so I knew. Heh.

I walked towards the door room to fetch her back. I was purposely ignoring her just now, well teasing. It wasn’t true that after I used her all up, I dumped her like shit. She was rather a piece of meat, with feeling, mixed feelings though, yet I loved her.

As I saw her back, I cleared my throat to make her aware of my presence.

‘Ehmm. You seemed, like you need, help?’

I stood in the door frame, leaning my right hand against it.

‘Absurd. I don’t need your crap help’

She sounded very snob. Okay let us see then.

She stepped down one of the stairs then stopped for a while. She seemed like she was bending a little, pressing her left hand against the wall and her other hand squeezed her belly. I couldn’t help myself from feeling sorry, or more like, guilty. I came near to her, facing and blocking her way. She stuttered and blushed, oh so cute of her. I moved my hands, trying to lift her, and held her in my arms bridal style, and brought her back to my room. She posed quietly, no fights, so obedient. I smiled at her but she wasn’t looking. Kneeled down one of my legs on the bed, I put her and said,

‘Just lay in bed. I will make you breakfast’,

In a very guilty intonation, almost mumbling.

I put cover upon her body and crumbled her head, hair I mean. I kissed her on her lips, putting a low pressure, yet savouring. She seemed, amazed, speechless. I chuckled again on how cute her reactions could be sometimes.

As I wanted to make my way to the kitchen, wanting to make whatever things that I knew could be eaten by human being, she grabbed my hand, and, pecked it for few seconds. For like, the thousands of times I saw she blushed.

‘Thanks Ben.’

And shyly smiled at me.

I sat beside her laid body, facing her.

‘For..?’

I inched my head to my left with a perverted smile.

I waited for her answer instead receiving nothing from her mouth.

‘For taking your virginity I guess?’

I answered for her instead.

Her face suddenly made changes from full of shyness to full of sadness after hearing my saying. I knew she was scared and all. Well, me too. All the possible consequences could happen by now, our caretakers, her sister and my friendly yet very strictly strict mother would run amok if they knew about this matter, my father, huh he was far from issue, my issue, the possibility of her getting pregnant and not able to sit for her exam calmly and mostly, Sara, what would her reaction be if I told her. Well, why should I concern myself with her feelings? She should have supported me, she was my friend, right? Well the other dumb guys, I knew they would be proud of and hailed me for nailing my innocent girlfriend.

‘Hey, hey listen to me. I will not let you alone in this okay. I promise.’

I held her hands and squeezed them. I stared her hazel eyes, my sincerity and the genuineness of my feelings for her at the moment were showing I could tell. I pulled her and she lifted her body and made attempt to sit beside me. I rubbed her back and drew her closer to me for a hug. In within the embrace, I whispered.

‘I did promise to make you my wife right? Don’t ever doubt that, no matter what happen in our future okay? But for now we need not tell anyone about this. Understand?’

Parted with her I added,

‘Now, allow me to make breakfast, princess?’

I was being sweet mouthing I knew. She nodded obediently. Looking her in this condition, so helpless and vulnerable, acting so polite and all, I wish she could stay this cunning all the time, stopped acting like a crazy and sick clown.

‘And oh, do you want me to shower you?’

She immediately declined with a quick shock of her head.

I laughed hard.

 Sara’s POV

I barely slept last night. I was really upset with Benjamin. He went away without a single word and he didn’t pick up my calls or reply my hundred texts at all. I was worried, about whoever involved in accident he said. My parents passed the message to me. Was it one of our close friends? Or classmate? And I was worried about him as well. What if, he, instead of trying to save his friend from accident, he involved in it as well along the way.

8.52 am in the morning if according to my phone.  

I was done with preparing breakfast and left the pancakes I made on the table for Daniel. He wasn’t around so I knew he must had overslept. Today was weekend. Plus, it was his birthday party last night and his excitement of opening all the boxes of presents must had made him went sleeping late. My mom had gone out for groceries and my dad was finishing his work in our library, kind of small if compared with Ben’s but still nice in my opinion. Ben and I usually spent our time studying and stuff there if it wasn’t at his place. My dad loved to keep all kind of genres of good books in the library especially literature, my interest so we found it easy to get references for our homework. Ben said he loved reading and it suited me, where I loved to read too, but mostly based on my preference. He loved science and logics instead. He was a bit jealous of me, he said because my father was a very loving man and had all his time to keep his family’s company and cared to know his children’s orientations. I didn’t have comment on that. He had it all and everything, but I knew, deep down, he was desperate for his dad’s love and attention. He missed a complete family. Well, you see Ben, we could have it on our own. Get married and have beautiful kids. I can be a good and loving mother to your sons.

I only said that to myself, unable to tell him so. I went to my room, preparing myself to go to his house. If he didn’t have the chance to tell me, I couldn’t just wait and hoped my heart could sooth any sooner. I needed to know.

 Ben’s POV

After eating the sandwiches I made, she left for shower. It was quite sometimes until now but she needed time to clean and stuff. I wanted to help but she refused. Well, it wasn’t like I ever wanted to take advantage on her. I just felt, guilty. She must be feeling so insecure right now, afraid if I would leave her and she ended up bearing all the hates and sorry stares. I didn’t want that to happen to her, well I would never let that happen. She was my girl.

I grabbed my phone, and sat on the lower frame of my window. All 24 missed calls and 46 texts which 30 were from Sara, while the rest were from those jerks, Bob included. She must be freaking worried by now. She easily worried about others and that was the thing that I liked the most about that girl. She was kind hearted, too kind sometimes. I dialled her number through the missed calls list. She picked up and her sweet voice over the phone sounded so, serenading even with the inelegance of tone.

‘Hello Ben. Why didn’t you pick up my call? You know how worried I was? What happened? Are you hurt?’

I chuckled on how she was always like that, freaking cute.

‘I’m okay honey. Chill.’

I could feel my lips forming its sincere smile. She always managed to bring a slight of serenity within me, like a caressed daffodil on breezy day.

‘Huhh’

I heard her sigh.

‘I’m coming to your house. Open the door any minute I will arrive. You owe me explanations for leaving.’

I started to panic. No, no she couldn’t and shouldn’t see me, us like this. Oh God.

‘Err I, I wasn’t at home babe. Maybe, later?

I bluffed.

‘Oh, where are you then? What actually happened Benjamin? I have the right to know.’

Oh how I liked to hear her saying my full name yet in this kind of situation, I didn’t think that mattered much.

‘I’m.. well somewhere. We’ll talk later okay? I’ll call you again. I promise.’

I tried to stop her from coming. She shouldn’t see Maira here, she didn’t need to know, not yet. The reason, well I myself wasn’t quite sure about that. Let just assumed that I didn’t want her to end our relationship, friendship actually after seeing the jerk side of me for now.      

‘Seriously Ben? I am at your gate now, and, why the hell your gate is opening wide? Are you inviting some burglars or what?’

I was dead meat. What should I say.

‘I’m at Bob’s. Well, the truth is his cousin, he got heart attack or something last night. His parents were away. He was so freaking afraid, wasn’t sure what to do and, called me. So, I went there, I mean here. With him, picking me up.’

Did that make any sense? Didn’t sound quite logic, but who cared.

‘Oh my goodness. This cousin of him, he’s hospitalized right, of course, where’s the hosp? You want me to come?’

She asked, still with a worried intonation even it was a complete stranger for her. Because of this side of her, she was very adored at school by the girls and guys just couldn’t stop drooling over her.

‘No baby, no. Just, just turn around already okay. He’s fine now. I know you barely slept last night right, thinking over me?’

I chuckled again. Yes, I did call her baby sometimes. I loved her, so why not? Even a love for a friend.

‘Anyway, thank you very much for your concern. It’s so kind of you. I’ll see you later, okay?’

I assured her.

‘Hm. Okay if you said so. Take care of yourself okay. Anything, just inform me. Please and thank you.’

I heard her giggle over the line before turning off the conversation. I looked at my phone for few seconds, before making my way to type few words and forwarded them to Bob. As far as I knew, Bob only had a cousin, which was far away from here, and he was like four or five. She bought that. Hahah.

‘Em, who’s that?’

God I forgot about her.

I turned my face to her. I almost dropped my phone. It already fell once and cracked a bit. Twice? Wasn’t so sure what it would look like. I hadn’t done anything wrong, did I? But why I felt like I was being interrogated.

‘Well, Sara.’

I spoke the truth.

She rubbed her face with her palms in haste and licked her bottom lip. She looked alluring with only towel wrapped from her chest down to her knees, revealing her fair and soft skin. Her black hair was still wet after the shower. Last night, it was kind of gloomy for we were only shone by the light outside, so it wasn’t this vivid. It triggered my desire but I chased it away, knowing that she should be tamed first. Looking at me like I had done the biggest mistake of all my life, she said,

‘I want to go home.’

‘You are not going anywhere. You will not expose our secret so you will stay until Sunday. Your sister, I’d texted her that you are going to spend time at Maria’s, your bestie, isn’t it? And I already texted Maria. Both using your phone.’

I said as cool as I could. She should have noticed already who ruled the relationship here.

‘I don’t care. Send me home now.’

She crossed her hands, looking me straight in the eyes. This girl was stubborn.

I sighed loudly.

‘Well, that’s up to you. As far as I know, I will not send you anywhere so you can tell anyone what I did, what we did.’

As much as I wanted to stay my name clean, as much as that I didn’t want hers to get stained.

‘How could you?’

She gasped and seemed like she wanted to cry. Not again? You were such a drama queen, but, my heart, it easily fell for that. She wanted to speak but I cut her.

‘Honey, love, my darling debutante, enough is enough, already. Please. I, Sara and I, we don’t have anything okay. We are just friendss.’

I stressed the word friend so it entered her numb head.

‘Nothing more, nothing less.’

I swung my hands in the air, like I was giving a public speech.

‘I did you last night remember? I didn’t touch her, I touched you. I didn’t kiss her, I kissed you, and all.’

I gave a sort of long explanation even it didn’t need to.

‘Now, just dial it down okay. Come.’

I went up and stood with my feet and opened my arms for her.

‘No.’

She said in pout. She was way too cute and adorable when she was acting sweet.

‘Ouhh come on. My offer, well, will end in half a minute you see..’

I smiled cheekily at her, still with opened arms. She bought it. She came closer, quite slowly and hugged me, and kissed my chest. Well, she was short, my shorty. Lucky that I wore t-shirt, or else, my penis would turn on by now. I replied her hug and caressed her back. She was easy but I loved her that way.

‘And oh honey, who’s this Nick guy? I saw it in your inbox.’

Parted with her, I half smiled, and lifted my eyebrow.

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   2 months before.

Maira’s POV

‘I’m Nicholas Hudson, you guys can just call me Nick. Thank you.’

Kind of polite with a sincere smile. A little bit enthusiastic I noticed. His accent was a bit different to my ears too. A nice difference.

He introduced himself to the class. The girls were all kind of looking at each other with undeniable smiles. I raised my left eyebrow looking at them like, monkeys I could describe. Yes indeed this guy was all, good looking, well you see, pan Asian, mixed blood if my eyes were telling the truth, kind of exotic here. My eyes weren’t really looking but I could describe him as tall, handsome face, his skin was fair almost pale white and he had a pretty sharp jaw, very manly. His cash, I was pretty sure he had big pockets of money since he just moved in from some sort of, England? London? Well, somewhere over there. They said their currency was high.

I didn’t focus much on him because I was busy texting my boyfriend, my hands were under the table to be exact. I missed him. It had been days, or almost two weeks I hadn’t meet him. He was busy with his sport, rugby. He said, this was his last tournament because few months from now, on November we were going to have our final examination that would determine our future career so he wanted to focus on study and everything after all the matches ended. Mine? Well, I wasn’t sure about that yet. And thinking about the exam, how could this newbie was going to sit for it? He wasn’t familiar with the education system here.

‘Hi.’

A manly voice intruded my wandered mind. I was kind of shocked yet turned left, I smiled and nodded a bit.

‘Mind if I sit beside you?’

He added in a very mannered tone.

‘Well, sure. I’m pretty sure this is the only sit right?’

I chuckled nervously. Wasn’t really sure though why I was suddenly feeling nervous. He pulled out the seat and comfortably landed on it. Maria was having quite a terrible fever, she was off from school like from last three or four days until today. So her sit next to mine was available for this guy. I kind of missed her. She was the only close friend of mine here. I was kind of closed with inviting some random girls into our friendship, but she kept on doing so.

‘So Maira, would you mind to share your book with Nick? Or, you didn’t bring it again?’

The teacher smiled very sarcastically followed by teasing laughs from the rest of the class. More like a sound of buzzing in my ears. I hate this teacher, most teachers of my school. Now, I was the one who was smiling like an injured monkey.

‘I, bring it, Miss.’

I waved her the book. She didn’t seem to show any interest then making her way to her seat and gave instruction which was pretty basic, open the page of blah blah blah.

I heard a chuckle. Not teasing, but more like assuring.

‘Don’t worry, you got my back next time.’

And with that strange, strong accent he grinned at me, showing his left dimple. I couldn’t help myself but looking at his eyes. His eyes, they were very seducing and charming, mild grey in colour, not like most other mixed-bloods where they usually came with brown eyes. I blushed in confusion. What was wrong with this new boy? He didn’t know a thing, yet?

 Nick’s POV

She blushed. She had a very beautiful face, like a doll in my opinion. Dark-hazel round eyes, not rare but they suited her face, black long hair with fringe, tied in a ponytail. Like a Mexican, but not like it. Like an Indian, well far from it. She had a very fair complexion. I didn’t like to classify people according to their races. Well I was a mixed breed myself, half Asian and half English. I was proud of whoever I was.

Along the learning and teaching process, she was busy texting. It was rude to peep and to ask her to stop as well. I just ignored her action and focus on Miss Lilly who was teaching in front even I was kind of clueless a bit a lot. She was teaching math, yet in my place, it was different, not the calculations and formula, but the basic itself. I realised now, I had a lot to catch up. The syllabus was totally different. My dad said that I could just drop the exam, well, I was up to challenge. It was okay if I failed it, as long as I had tried. That was my principle, I guessed.

Dad got a better offer here and we moved in. I was the only child and mom had long gone, only her words and memories with her that I brought with me to keep on smiling even it was kind of empty sometimes especially when dad went out for few days, or sometimes months under business matter, so usually, I would bring my buddies over. When I was younger, dad sent me to a baby sitter’s house, she was more like a granny to me than a childminder, but as fate had decided it, she had passed away too when I was 14. Since I was quite a grown up myself, I asked my dad’s permission to stay alone at home instead of troubling other people to take care of me. At my old place, there rarely had been cases of burglaries, could be said none at all. You could even walk passed the back alley of an abandoned building without feeling insecure at all.  

I missed my old friends and old place, the people and temperature was different too. First few days, I caught a fever. I couldn’t adapt myself with rather hot temperature because, London, it was always cold, even in summer. I did text my friends but it wasn’t synchronise in pace. The difference in time was obvious. They went sleeping when I was up to school. Here, school started at 10 am or so. It was split as said by the principle here. We, the seniors got the second session so we could get up a bit late and had plenty of time to get ready. Well, what that did ever give any difference to me? I was having a terrible jet lag, since past few days.

‘Ehmm.’

I cleared my throat so that I could get her attention. I had been getting a lot of attentions from other girls since I came here but her, seemed like a hard shot huh?

She turned to me and smiled again. There was something with her smile, it was sweet and attractive. I smiled back as a reply before asking her.

‘This is like, the last session, isn’t it? Seemed like I am late for my first day of school. Kind of bad record huh?’

I tried to make her to have conversation with me. Miss Lilly had gone out for a while, perhaps for a loo. Anyway, her class only left few minutes more.

‘It’s, fine.’

She chuckled hurriedly and went back to her phone. She seemed, different to my eyes, kind of a quiet girl, a bit snob I could say, and more like suffer in silence type of soul you could find in many schools around the world, not my old school for sure. They were all very friendly to each other and would never let anyone felt like they were being left out. They didn’t have bias on races, and treated each person as equal as the rest, accepted for, gender. There, the citizens were very protective over women. There was once when I was arguing with my ex-girlfriend in a mall, or more like, she was nagging and did all the talking while I just kept on standing there, with some coaxing gestures, people came near us, and asked her whether she needed help. Lucky she just said that we were under some discussion for our school assignments. We ended up being best friends instead of best couple of the year.

‘Do you happen to have notes for other subjects? I think, I had a lot to work out for final exam.’

I tried my luck again, not to have her notes, but to make her talking.

She nodded.

‘I can lend you mine but, em, I wasn’t sure if you could read my handwriting, it’s horrible.’ She laughed in a very feminine manner.

She replied in a quite long line of words. It made me feel like my invisible blanket had sort of bleaching out and she only noticed me now.

‘It’s cool, it’s very wonderful. It’s just fine with me, thank you.’

I stayed quite for a while before continuing.

‘So, do you have plan after school? Like going out or something?’

She chuckled again and said,

‘Nope. My friend’s fallen sick.’

She gestured her hand over my seat.

‘I don’t really have, friends.’

Oh it was pity of her, a loner. Well, I could be her friend if she was open to it. I barely made many friends here by far, because, I officially went out of home, well today, after some sort of meditation in my room with full blast of air-conditioner to gain as much cool and to avoid heat as far as I could.

‘We can be friends.’

I smiled in ascertainment, taking out my hand under the table to her, for a shake.

She mused and hesitantly grabbing my hand, with both hands instead. It was funny. People don’t do that you see.

‘Want to go to my place after school?’

I asked her.

‘Well, this uniform, well, I need to get a change. Where’s your house anyway? I need to go home first.’

‘Oh, my house’s just few minutes from school. You know a convenient store, er, what was its name again, em Door..’

I stressed my face, trying to remember.

‘Dooriya?’

She asked. Seemed like she knew it

‘Yes exactly. Kind of a weird name for a shop isn’t it?

I chuckled. She chuckled as well.

‘Its owner is Japanese, so no wonder I guess.’

‘Oh really? Well, my house’s just across the shop. The five storey flat if you noticed it.’

‘Oh, that condo?’

She asked.

‘Sort of. My dad rent it for a while before we could find somewhere, someplace to settle down.’

I replied.

‘Well, my house is just like, one or two minutes walk from yours. I live in nearby apartment, with my sister. Not much, if compared to yours anyway but mine is nearer from school.’

She laughed.

‘I’m sorry to ask but, er, your parents?..’

I was curious about that instead.

‘Well, my mom’s gone when I was 15.’

She seemed vulnerable and hurt deep down even she tried hard to pose a very happy smile.

I gained some details about her in just for couples of minutes talking. It was like we were going to be a very good friend and so huh?

‘Oh my.. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that.’

I felt a lump of guilt in my chest.

‘Eh it’s nothing, really. Anyway, yours? You live with..’

‘Ringggg’ The sound of the bell cut her words.

‘Okay class, please finish the homework that I’ve given you. Class dismissed.’

Miss Lilly gave instruction to us before ending the class, out of nowhere, or perhaps I wasn’t paying attention to the class anymore, but to her.

We walked out of the class, last, after all the other students had rushed for home.

‘My mom’s gone too. I only have a very loving dad now.’

I winked at her.

‘Oh that’s so lucky of you Nick.’  

***********************************************************************************************

  Maira’s POV

Reaching home from school, I had to apologize him for I could not make it to his house because something was up. I didn’t tell him the truth that I received a text from Ben saying that he wanted to meet me. Indeed, I didn’t tell him at all about my beloved boyfriend. Why should I anyway. We barely knew each other and he must not want to bore his head with my personal stories right. He gave me his contact number, and I typed it on my iPhone I got as birthday present from Ben last year. This year was coming soon.

‘What’s yours?’

He asked, again in a very gentleman way, grabbing his in the pocket. So it proved true now that all Englishmen were very charming and polite. I heard it from Maria when she was having vacation with her family last school holiday in London. But, this guy wasn’t really British.

‘Oh I will call you okay?’

I made a thumb up gesture before pressing the lift button.

As the door lift to the fourth floor closed with me inside, I saw him waving in a very cute manner. I threw a smile at him before replying his bye. God, he was so nice and I felt appreciated with the way he treated me.

Entering home, I headed to my room. In this house, there were three bedrooms, with my sister having the master one. I chose the one closest to the bathroom and kitchen so it was easier for me, to do the basics of being a human. The apartment was kind of small actually, but it fitted nicely for two single women and me being the girl. My sister was kind of perfectionist, hygiene maniac, so we always had a good and pleasant sight of the house. My sister, she rarely reached home earlier than 7 or 8pm. She stayed late at her office, because despite of being so perfectionist, she was a workaholic as well. No wonder she didn’t have boyfriend. While June, she was always out, not really sure where’d she go most of the time. I didn’t know a thing about her including her occupation, what she did for a living. The rest, wasn’t really my issue I suspect. She was quite a mysterious woman. I always thought of her as a vampire, hunting her weak victims at nights or, more like prostitute, a very good one though.

Closing the door, I pulled out all my clothes and threw them in a laundry bag, grabbing a towel to cover my body and headed to shower. It was reaching 6 pm and my body was sticky, messy and all.  

We didn’t have heater, so the water was as cold as hell, well, winter, whatever. I always got flue after shower but that didn’t give strong excuse for my sister to buy one for the house. She said, we were only renting, plus we needed to think of the cost of plumbing, the bill for the heating and such. She was such stingy as well.

My phone rang when I was busy drying my hair with the old hair dryer that my sister was so ungenerous to buy a new one. I jogged and grabbed it, knowing that it was my Ben, and it was true.

‘Hello baby...’

I said in a very childish voice. I knew, I disgusted him sometimes but I chose to ignore it.

‘Helloo..’

He said, sounded tired. Based on his pitch, I could imagine he was smiling.

‘Where are you? You said you want to meet me?’

I immediately asked, not wanting him to forget about our plan, his plan actually.

‘Oh yeah, of course. I, well, on the way. Miss me already?’

I heard his chortle over the line.

‘Of course I am.’

I pouted.

‘We didn’t meet since last week. Hummm.’

I wanted to sulk. He just couldn’t understand me sometimes.

‘Hahah. Okay, text me when you are ready. I just couldn’t wait to see you. I miss you too little bunny.’

I like it when he used sweet words to call me, and little bunny, err kind of.

‘Okayy.. I love you’

I said that adorably.

‘Me too.’

He replied. Why it was so hard for him to say ‘I love you’ to me? I hate him. God. He instantly ended the call. I threw the phone onto the bed, feeling mixed. Huh.

I walked towards my closet, sliding the door and my eyes went back and forth, looking for a better clothes to put on, and grabbed a light yellow blouse, also a present from Ben, but with no special occasion upon it.

 Ben’s POV

Inhaling the last lungful of the smoke, I threw the cigarette into the small ashtray that sat in front of the car hand brake, in a loop. It jumped out onto the carpet but I didn’t feel like to bother myself with the picking, instead squishing it with my foot. Being burnt in my own car wasn’t the right way of starting my life in heaven.

I waited her outside of her house and it had been 15 minutes. She was such a girl, with all the make-ups and what not. I liked her that way, but I liked her better if she had all the make-ups off, plain beauty was better, like Sara.

Talking about Sara now, I wondered what was wrong with my head these few days, or weeks. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, almost all the time. Maybe because we were always together at school, even during my evening practices, she would come to accompany me, cheering for me but with her books and all. Maybe because of that, I was used of seeing her around so my brain worked by itself, drawing her face all over my mind. I was getting crazy.

Looking my right hand with the black hard rubber bangle she once bought me with a small owl hanging along it, rest assured, the memory of how we first met almost a year ago, last year, came rushing.

**

‘Hey that’s cool.’

I said to them, Bob and Adam. Johan was farther than us, hitting on some brainless girls that were sitting on a bench. Half of their boobs were showing, and their pants, that weren’t like shorts at all to me. They looked like strippers, not because of their attire, but because of the way they reacted to Johan. Johan and Adam were my other closest friends. Three of us were in the school rugby team, with Adam being the captain. Johan, how to say, was more like dick head, huge jerky. Sleeping around was what he adored to do so he didn’t really stick with one girl for a long time. After he had banged them, he left her and told the boys on how hot or uncool the sexes were. He just couldn’t feel the love and heart beating fast with a girl, merely sexual intercourses he confessed.

There was this one particular day, where he admitted that he was gay for a guy, another hot hunk, a friend of us but not really close that I would shower naked in front of him in the school bathroom. We blew him our loudest laughs in history but nervelessly accepting his, twisted desire. But up till this moment, he was as coward as a chimpanzee to admit to him. We only could make snorts whenever that guy was around, to show him our support.

While, Adam, a different case. He was way too over attached with his girlfriend. She wasn’t beautiful or anything, just nice. Maybe her funny and easy going character had made him comfortable with the relationship. She was not the type of girlfriend that easily got jealous too, so unlike Maira. Said he had slept with her when the girl’s parents were away, when we were 15, and kept on continuing the activity until today, he said to us he wanted to marry her one day, and asked us to remind him to do so when the suitable time came. None of my business bro.

My eyes moved, rather in a whirl from the girls’ assets back to the boxes of cool bangles in front of me. I wasn’t really into that kind of stuff, but this one was really cool.

‘Yeah’

Adam raised his eyebrow and headed outside of the shop to Johan, joining.

‘Hey dude, I’m hungry. I’ll meet you guys at the usual place okay, in a minute.’

Bob patted my back. His voice from behind seemed more like ignoring my words, and instructing. He was always like that, and that suited him well for being the president of student council’s club. Another thing about Bob was that he couldn’t bear the temptation of eating, and it grew wilder when he was hungry, or angry. I should have dragged him to join the team with me when I first registered for it as a new transfer student at my age of 14 so he wouldn’t be this, err, plum, not the big one, just, sort of.

I did the same as what he did to me, ignoring. As I looked through all the collections of all the ‘coolyoes’, alone, my eyes all of the sudden landed and sat tranquilly at a girl’s face. For a moment, I didn’t blink and my heart raced, not fast, just nice. I smiled at her and she replied back. She had two dimples on her cheeks and they were deepened as she smiled, making her face way sweeter. I nodded a bit and run my eyes off of her and walked towards my ‘excited’ friends.

Telling them to cut it all already, I turned back to her, and noticed she was still looking at me, and quickly looked away. I couldn’t really see her expression, whether she was blushing or what, because I was long sighted, and I didn’t admit it. I didn’t wear any glasses as it looked nerdy on me nor any contacts, my eyes just couldn’t accept pointy things poking into them.

Well, she was just a fling. Maira was for real.

Tomorrow morning, I was shocked with her introduction in front of the Biology class. I easily forgot faces, even it was as beautiful as angel, but this one particular girl, I couldn’t really tell. Her face kept wondering my mind the night before, after I met her, dancing all around the dark ceiling. My head was imagining sweet voices that could fit the sweet face of hers and I promised, one did match.

I shove that naughty intention again, thinking how could I ever done something that would make tears run down my boo’s flawless cheeks.  

Later that evening, I frayed my elbow when I got friction with the ground during a rugby selection to replace some faggot who had just left school because of his issue. I was hit by Adam from my back, accidently he said yet he smiled very teasingly when I made my way to clean it up, rather in toilet than being bandaged by a moron slutty girl who had just became the new assistant of our team couch. I didn’t really see the reason he needed one though. I waved Adam my middle finger and mouthed, ‘watch out’.

Jogging, I bumped with Sara, kind of cliché, yet that happened. We officially said hi to each other, and she was terribly worried seeing my small cut and helped me out. She handled my hand very gentle that I felt like a baby. We spent time chatting at the corner of the back one of the classrooms’ building, getting to know each other better after that instead of me going back to field. I noticed, she kept on slithering her fingers through her dark brown wavy hair whenever her eyes met mine. Well, it was weird. Didn’t mean so, I dragged her into the group of my fellow best buddies and we stayed friends until now and I kind of forgot about what I first felt of her overtime, just recently it triggered out back.

Few days after the mellifluous chatting, I received the bangle I saw in the shop the other day. She bought it, said,

‘Thought that you liked it.’

Her hand played with her hair again, twisting the end of it with her face laid down after handing it, wrapped in a box. So, she noticed me first.

**

‘Hi baby!!’

Maira’s face was all over my opened car window.

‘God! You scared me.’

I scolded her.  

‘No I don’t.’

She said in an infantile pitch and it annoyed me. Couldn’t she just be mature as, well nobody I suspected.

‘Whatever get in.’

I rolled my eyes, not like a girl for sure, more like a guy who was really bored and jaded with his immature girlfriend.

As she closed the door, I asked her where she wanted to go and answered that she was hungry and didn’t eat anything since her breakfast, apple and a slice of sandwich. Oh my poor baby. I should have been more concerned about her. I felt guilty. I touched her hand on her lap and brushed it softly before taking it to my mouth and kissed it. Didn’t really sure for what kind of reason, I said

‘I’m sorry.’

And continued.

‘We’ll go to your favourite restaurant okay? Eat as much as you want. I love chubby girls.’

I chuckled in teasing. I didn’t really mean so though. Maira, her body was just nice, was just perfect, but, if she got chubbier, it was luscious to squeeze, wasn’t it. Well, it was kind of pervert to think of women that way. But it wasn’t wrong too, yes?

‘I’m sorry, you’re sorry, for what?’

She asked instead. Was she trying to imply that I had done something wrong, but didn’t want to admit and felt guilty and said sorry?

God, this girl, was really driving me nuts. She just liked it to create arguments when it needed not to.

‘I’m sorry that my poor little baby here…’

Pinching her cheek balmily,

‘…didn’t eat all day long, waiting for her charming boyfriend to spoon her until she was full and become lazy as sloth.’

‘Ouch, it hurts…’

She said adorably. Taking my hand off of her cheek and held it in her palms tightly, seeking for heat.

‘I’m not sloth. You’re.’

She added.

‘Well, I’m not as slow as you for sure.. boo’

I made childish voice as well, kind of. I guessed her childish behaviour just became contagious sometimes. I couldn’t help it.

With my hand in her grip, I had no choice but to meter down the cooler in the car using the other then demanded her to return it for I needed it for the driving. Hands free, I grabbed my jacket at the back seat, and covered her and pecked her forehead. She couldn’t die here freezing and I wasn’t that cruel to ever let that happened.

*************************************************************************************************

 ‘My last game is the day after. You will come right? It’s final.’

I reminded about her promise.

‘Oh yes of course. I will.’

She seemed busy with her dessert. If I wasn’t mistaken, she had eaten that cake for, every single time we came here, which was countless of it, but she didn’t feel bored at all.

‘Urmm this is the best. Very delicious. You want some?’

She showed me her spoon with some small piece of chocolate cake on it.

‘No thank you honey.’

I rejected. I was full already with the main course. Plus, I was not really fond of cakes.

‘And, you know I don’t eat cakes right.’

I said, more like testing. She wasn’t like some other female friends of mine, they remembered every little detail about their partners, what they did and didn’t like and memorized all the important dates of their relationship. Well this girl in front of me, she was just helpless, clueless. I was the one who reminded her of the dates of us first meeting, of me first proposing, of me second time proposing and of us, officially announced as boyfriend and girlfriend, every single time in this almost two years of dating, every single time whenever I told her that my friends were celebrating their dates of dating, she would ask.

I didn’t know who was being the girl and the opposite now.

Her caller ringtone suddenly played through her flipped phone, our song, the song I first sang to her accompanied by my acoustic guitar with a sore throat after a terrible fever for a week yet bearable to ear, my ears. She was sulking because I ignored her and didn’t call her at all. Well, she deserved to, I didn’t tell her that I was sick. I just didn’t want her to worry but it turned out, disaster.

She ignored it. Perhaps, it was an unknown number. Well, she didn’t do it before. Maybe adapting with my style, she copied it.

The call ended and few seconds later, it rang again. I gestured my head to her phone on the table, instructing her to pick it up already. Such a noise.

‘Hello?’

Her voice sounded, careful. It was obvious, my guess was right, some unknown random number.

She kept on silent before continuing.

‘Nick? Like, Nick Hudson?’

‘Hey Nick…..’

She sounded so happy.

‘Maria? Where did you meet him anyway?’

She paused there, listening to whomever on the line now.

‘Oh, you are such a kind and friendly person aren’t you?’

She giggled. I wasn’t the jealous type of person yet hearing her praising some other guy, it was kind of raising the curious cat of me.

‘Anyway it’s good that you had known her. You guys must get along very well soon, trust me.’

She laughed genuinely.

‘She likes Londoners. Anyway, I’m really sorry. I forgot to call you back.’

‘Sure, of course we can text.’

Paused.

‘Well, I’m outside now, may be later?

‘Yeah, a friend, just hanging out.’

She tittered, looking at me and smiled. I raised my eyebrow and grinned.

‘Okay. Thank you very much for your concern, it’s okay, we’ve known each other for years.’

‘Bye Nick. See you in school tomorrow.’

She pressed some button, indicating that she had ended the call.

‘Mind to tell me who’s this Nick guy?’

I asked, not very demanding still, a question in hope for an answer.

She took a deep breath, and smiled before telling me about this new guy at her school. I didn’t feel challenged or doubt. Well, I believe in her, hoping that she could do the same.

 Current

Maira’s POV

‘Have you forgotten? I told you about him, once.’

I made a face expression, smirking. He could be forgetful sometimes. Huh.

‘You did?’

He asked in disbelieve.

‘Yup I did. He’s a new transfer student. We are, friends.’

I explained.

‘You have guy friend? It’s, so not you baby.’

He came out with a statement that was really discouraging with a sarcastic smile.

‘Huh.’

I rolled my eyes.

‘Well, I do now.’

I stuck out my tongue over his face. He half smiled. He often did that to me recently, I just couldn’t read it yet, what that mean.

‘But, at least you have made, some, progression. Don’t just cling with me, or Maria. Don’t, just keep on being, introvert, okay honey.’

His fingers slithered my fringe, obliquely to the right together with his sweet gaze.

I pouted, making attempt to sulk, but I knew he would tune it out so I cancelled my intention.

‘Hmmm’

I pouted even more.

‘Okay.’

With a low and surrendering voice, I agreed. He always asked me to do this, and that, like he was my boss. Well, I felt like I was being baby sit every time he nagged, babbled or came out with his philosophies and outlooks, but it was always right and I really envied him for that. His point of views, they were always different, smart and made sense every time.

‘Any way, have you thought about college? What course you want to take?’

He asked about future, all of the sudden and went to his study table for a lean, with his hand busy typing on his iPhone, the same model as mine. He bought it together, for a cute couple, he once said. I refused but he insisted.

‘Em well..’

I didn’t really like to talk about future and planning. I was the worst life planner ever lived.

‘I, don’t, know.’

I shrugged. The fact was true. I hadn’t decided anything yet, what I want to take as my major course in college, the money to earn for the cost of living and bundles of fees to pay, maybe a part time job after graduating from school was a good start before applying for higher education, and most of all, what I really wanted to be. What kind of profession that could fit my personality well. Even if I wanted to continue my study, what was my best option that could suit with the qualification of my school end results anyway? I wasn’t smart, quite a numb head with low IQ. But don’t get me wrong, I did tried hard for my study, and Ben kept on pushing me and supporting me from my back, it was just, the Cs and Bs seemed to like me better.

‘Can’t I just, drop all this study thing?’

I voiced out in a very timid intonation with a cute face and faked smile.

He hurriedly made his stare at me.

‘No. You will make yourself selected in one of the Us here, or anywhere. I will help you out if money is your concern.’

It was so kind of him but I had my own pride. I couldn’t take all he gave to me. I wasn’t his mistress.

I inhaled and exhaled quite loudly, making a sound more like a sigh. A huge sigh full of uncertainties and scares.

‘No honey, it’s okay. You’ve helped me much. Well, I can find a job after this. Saving up some money before entering college. Better late than never.’

I assured him. He looked at me with an unpredictable expression and shook his head lightly.

‘You’ve always got my back baby. Don’t worry about anything. Just concentrate on your final exam okay.’

He paused for a while, replying his text and continued.

‘Next week, my school is giving three days off for our batch, and replace it for a camp, preparation for the big exam. Five days in total, including weekend. I’m going..’

‘Noo.. don’t go, please?…’ I said and I really felt like crying. He was always like that, leaving me behind.

‘Well, I have to. It’s set, for all of us. Look, it’s just for, couples of days..?’

He walked to the bed, and sat back at his previous place, next to me. He cupped my face and kissed me again all over my face, my eyes, my nose, my cheeks and ended with a French kiss on my lips. We had never kissed before until last night, and it tasted, really good. Felt like my mouth was wandering and cruising down in a wonderful land of mint. I loved the guy in front of me now. Besides my sister and Maria, he was another person that I loved the most in my whole life, I would die for, and it worth every sacrifice.

Sliding his warm hand over my thigh while the other pulled the towel off, revealing my boobs while forming naughty smile in between the kisses, I knew he wanted more.

‘Trust me, I wont leave you forever.’

And I trusted him.