#and now im scheduled off for today and tomorrow and go back in on tuesday and its literally going to be fine but my parents are being asses

[mystichistoria]

I'm trying to get better at not using Tumblr for venting my frustrations but like yesterday I had to leave work early because I almost passed out on the floor after losing enough blood to soak through three overnight maxi pads in a four hour span and like everyone at home is acting up about it like I quit my job when I absolutely did not do that.

[tera-91]

I need a vacation .....

I am a ball of nerves.

Im terrified of having another migraine, just the amount of stress im currently under.

The manager decided to be whatever the correct word is and scheduled me outside of my availability.

More than once.

I refuse to do it.

Additionally, this manager scheduled me on days that I specifically asked off. Normally I would probably shake it off. Rearrange whatever, as that is what I have been doing. This time I can’t do that.

It is not mine to rearrange.

It has already been rearranged once. Plus its medical and that is difficult to rearrange especially when it is less than a month away.

No matter what happens today or tomorrow it has to get fixed. Either by this manager or I am going to the manager above this one. The schedule is basically what I “quit” over before. Like I understand the staffing issue. Ive said to this manager before if I am needed outside of my availability, ask so that I can make arrangements.

“I don’t have time to ask everyone can they work this day or that day”

Im not asking to be asked about every shift. All I asked was for outside my availability. I have worked outside of it before. That has generally been because something came up and I couldn’t work what I had been scheduled so I could only switch shifts with someone that had a scheduled shift outside of my availability but I did it instead of calling out and leaving them a person down.

I don’t know why I do it because other people don’t.

Ive already started to apply for other jobs. I like my job I really do. Just not the manager. If I could get my old manager back that would be great.

School is ok. Im WAY ahead in one class because the instructor has the class open that way and its online. The other one im struggling a little bit. Mostly because I don’t have really good time management skills. One assignment I completely forgot to do. Mostly because I had my days mixed up. I knew the assignment was due on the day it was due but I thought I was in a different day. So I went to bed thinking I could do it in the morning since I didn’t have work.

I was wrong.

Then I was too terrified to bring it up to the instructor that I thought I was living a Tuesday when in reality I was living a Wednesday. I think its ok though. I know the lowest grade gets dropped and right now I think my current grade is including the zero for that assignment and Im still passing the course.

But still im stressed about missing something else. We have the mid-term coming up and I need to start studying for that. And try not to forget about the homework.

Then there is my youtube channel. Its like I killed my channel. I know I slowed down posting because I didn’t have my videos edited so I spaced out what I had done so that I could finish up what I had to edit which was taking me a little longer than usual.

I introduced shorts and that seemed to go ok. Like the first 3 or 4 went fine. I made sure to not just only release shorts and to kind of alternate my longer videos with the shorts. But then like 3 weeks ago or so I went from a good number of views (nothing crazy like in the hundreds which was great) to just nothing. I thought maybe I didn’t put tags or something, which one short I accidently didn’t put tags on, but everything had tags.

I released at least one of both, a short and a longer video, so its not like youtube just wasn’t showing one and promoting the other. I don’t know what happened.

But now that I actually had more than a day off in a row I was able to edit more videos. Not a ton but a decent amount. Enough that I don’t particularly have to worry about not having anything to post until after my mid-term. So I have the mental relief of knowing I can use my time to focus on it.

I know that sounds weird. Prioritizing my youtube video “bank” over a mid-term. The material is stuff I have gone over a lot of times whether it be through work or school already that I have a decent understanding that I don’t feel like my “academic life” depends on studying day in and day out for it. But also, I was doing so well that I was really hoping that I could build up my channel enough to get monetized. Not like to do youtube full time or anything, I don’t think I could make a “living” off of it but I was hoping for just enough that I could at least quit my job without any immediate worries. These classes will hopefully lead to a decent paying job but that is still a minimum of 2 years away. And that’s assuming I get into the program.

I don’t know that I could handle this manager for another 2 years.

Also I would like to get my ability to write back. I mean stories, I get that Im writing right now. Its just that I get an idea in the middle of working and I cant write it and then when I can I either don’t remember or I don’t have that spark to write. Like right now its kind of like therapy just to spill my frustrations all over the keyboard.

I want to read and write stories so bad but I almost don’t feel like I have time for them. Or at least I cant find the stories that I want to ready very easily.

Its like no one posts to fanfiction.net anymore, I really like how the site has its search system. Like if you’re searching for a specific pairing. I cant really easily find what I want to read on Ao3. Most of the specific thing I want to read I’ve found on Tumblr but you cant really find it, its just a endless scroll.

I was once told, Im paraphrasing, like to give creativity you have to refill your creative well. So for me that is binging movies and tv shows and reading. Which takes up time. Ive found myself staying up to the early morning hours, where I get maybe 6 hours of sleep just trying to find something good and fluffy with the characters of my current fixation.

In the short term so far I’m fine but I know in the long run that could not be great. Im sure especially for stress and anxiety.

While I know some of it isn’t something that I need to stress over, I just do. A lot of it comes from future looking like making sure there are no conflicts coming up between the schedules in the home. Hopefully I can sort that out in therapy.

That’s part of why Im trying so hard to get my youtube monetized or at least figure out something that I can do that is a little more flexible or on my own time. Because if I didn’t have to keep struggling with the manager scheduling me out of my availability or on days that I ask off. I know that sounds bad but I only ask for days off for a reason. Mostly for when there are appointments, either my own or that I have to handle in some capacity. There have been a few times where I ask off because of a mentally beneficial event happening that I would like to attend but I don’t just ask off because I think oh this would be a lovely day to have off.

Though now I probably should.

Just go in the system and ask for a bunch of random days off. Like oh this date sounds like a wonderful day to have nothing to do.

See how many days in a row I can get away with asking off.

I have a lot to do in the next 3 months.

I should make a list. It might be a scroll but I should just make a long list of everything that needs to get done. Number them and pull up a random number generator and roll it a time or two and just do it.

Maybe if I did that anyway it would unlock something in my brain.

Take away some of the stressors that I have.

It probably wouldn’t stop me from writing these rants but maybe it would help me get back to writing stories.

I miss writing fluffy things.

I miss losing myself in the writing and just breezing through 1000 words, I did a quick check of my master list and of the ones that I posted the word count next to my longest story is nearly 4000 words long! That story just flowed, it played out in my head as I wrote it. I didn’t stop the whole time I wrote it.

I want that back.

I NEED that back.

[fraener]

9/8/2024

long day of laying down until a flurry of activity with work and coming home and speaking to my loved ones on the phone. dinner bubbling away on the stove and the aching icelike creak of the burner heating and cooling is rhythmic. fighting now to find the good. i spent so much of the day crying in bed unable to move under the weight of knowing the truth about it, that h just cant understand me and doesnt or cant make the effort to do so. i keep feeling like theres just no point in even telling him why im upset because i think if i do hell either feign ignorance or really just not get it. i feel tricked and cheated all the time because of how he likes to play dumb and hide things from me. he just doesnt trust me and so in turn its impossible for me to trust him. although, instead of sending me into the outward insecurity spiral where id be begging for attention and rushing after him, it makes me disgusted and disappointed and hurt and withdrawn. i told him i didnt want to see him today and he stopped responding to my texts. saw his car at the dispensary on my way home and felt my stomach drop just a little, like i didnt like him being so close to my house. im grateful to live somewhere now it would be much more obvious if he came to look in my windows. i think i feel the edge underneath which i could pull and topple it all, and every time i feel that sharp little ledge i choose not to lift. similarly, there doesnt seem any point in ending it, because i have nothing better to do. i lost my faith in the satisfaction of telling people exactly what thyeve done wrong so they have to face the truth of it. or, faith in the satisfaction of ending it. i wonder when passivity becomes cruel and when it is that i should choose to do hard kindnesses. tomorrow i want to be better, today was only getting good towards the end. spouts and lids today at work, next 3 classes ill encourage them to modify their forms and try new things. i have work wednesday and i forgot...its good i wont go to the city after all. starting a new 101 class, teaching them back to back. soon my schedule will be just mondays and tuesdays off, then for a little while i think it may be just mondays off, then sundays and mondays if i am careful. it isnt hard to work at the ceramics studio, often welcome reprieve at the end of my darker days. ive moved and started a new job and somehow nothing has changed. i am feeling so many different griefs right now. tomorrow i hope bg can lift my spirits. for now im tired.

but i think i should say s confessed hes never had any attraction to me. from that point i think i am seeing him truer without hope in the way, or fantasy, or whatever it is. he is so so dear to me. we get closer every day and i am so glad to know him. ive really gotten to a new level or depth with both him and f, it feels beyond any love ive known no matter what the shape of relationship. somehow more intimate than a lover, more patient and understanding than family, more dedicated than a friend. for this i can be grateful, for the continued care of c's garden, my very very strange new life which feels like an odd and unknowable pitstop that i am afraid of but dont need to fear. i talked to kk on the phone today too- briefly, about ceramics, about our students. there is love for me in the world, i have love for it too. its so sad to me that a year ago i wrote that i felt h was far from me and i didnt know how much longer wed be together. so odd weve survived this long in our terrible purgatory state. as i said a year ago, i thought wed be closer by now. c'est la vie.

[invisiblefoxfire]

Perfect Tuesday!

Been trying to do a weekly positivity thing called Perfect Tuesdays where I am determined to have a good day, no matter how I have to twist things in my mind to justify them being good. It's been pretty useful! I missed a couple weeks because I forgor, but this week I'm back at it.

Original post complete with disclaimers for what this is and isn't: https://invisiblefoxfire.tumblr.com/post/749823249934860288/im-initiating-a-new-weekly-tradition-called

Join me and tag your posts so I can read about your perfect Tuesdays!

And now for today, 16 July 2024.

It's a bit of a challenge mode Tuesday this week because of the intense heat wave in my non-air-conditioned country and the health issues that causes me. But I have managed to find bright sides throughout the day!

Had an doctor's appointment this morning with a doctor who clearly knows her stuff and actually cares and takes my issues seriously. She had some test results for me which didn't contain any answers but also didn't contain any bad news. I'm now scheduled for some more tests which may help shed some light on what's going on with my body.

Today happened to be my injection day (yay HRT!) so while I was there, the nurse just did it for me, saving me the time and stress of doing it myself!

In the bathroom before I left the doctor's office, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and noticed that I've definitely put on some muscle 💪 and my gut is looking a little less pronounced. (The pattern of fat on my body made me look pregnant, and that finally seems to be going away a bit.)

Although it's crazy hot out this week, the appointment was early enough in the day that I was able to walk home from the doctor without melting!

I got a couple of errands done along the way, which included finding my favorite pretzels at a shop I didn't know sold them (I thought I had to travel a lot further to find them).

At my final stop, I got an ice cream, then instead of going straight home, I went to the park for a bit and found a bench in the shade to sit and eat it.

There were some ants at my feet! Ants were probably my earliest special interest and they still bring me joy. I gave them a bit of ice cream cone and watched one of them freak out at the find.

Been recording footage for a video for over a year now, and today I got all but the very last bit of it done. I might do the final bit tonight if it cools off a little, but if not, it'll be done tomorrow! This is huge, I've been working on this for SO LONG.

Watermelon!!!!!! 🍉

[chaeryybomb]

BRUTAL

pairings: female reader x best friend!jungwon

summary: they told you that these were the golden years, but to you "golden" was a rusting metal spray painted yellow. the story of a seventeen year old trying to survive high school when all you do is try your best. but your best friend jungwon makes it worth the while. 

genre: high school au, friends to lovers, fluff, tiny bits of angst if you squint, attempt at humour

featuring: jang wonyoung, kim sunoo & nishimura riki 

word count: 4.5k 

warnings: reader having a existential crisis most of the time, strong language, mentions of insecurity

the sour series masterlist

You slumped forward the moment the bell rang, letting your head hit the table. You could care less if a bruise would form on your forehead, you had much bigger things to worry about. Your teacher left the class wordlessly as the class was busy doing their own thing. And by that, everyone was buried nose deep in studying. You lifted your head to see the different books of the same topic scattered on your desk, a yellow highlighter balancing on the edge of your table.

Reaching over to grab the highlighter, you turned your head over to the side to look at your desk mate. Wonyoung sat there looking straight out from a k-drama, with her hair flowing down her back perfectly and her slender nimble fingers moving as she continuously wrote in her notebook. She was smart too, fluent in English and Korean, great at maths and science. And on top of that she was kind and friendly, everyone loved her. You did too, you had the honour of calling her your best friend. But sometimes you felt insecure around her, everything she did looked flawless and there you were just trying your best.

"Ack!" You yelped as you sat up straight, holding your forehead. Wonyoung rolled her eyes at you with a small smile on her lips, she had flicked your forehead to get you out of your thoughts.

Without taking her eyes off the textbook, she tapped your own workbook with her pen. Silently telling you to stop procrastinating. You pouted at her and looked at the clock, 10 minutes before lunch. Maybe a walk to the girl's bathroom would do you some good.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you whispered to Wonyoung. She nodded and smiled at you before you walked out.

As you strolled towards the girl's bathroom, you passed by the bulletin board outside your class. A bright blue poster stood out with the words "ENJOY YOUR YOUTH" in white. Scoffing at the message, you continued on your way.

"I'm seventeen now, where's my fucking teenage dream?" You muttered to yourself. You were tired of waiting for your life to end up like a coming of age movie. Everyone told you that these were the golden years and you should enjoy your youth, but you swear to god if you hear another one of those cheesy sayings, you might just cry on the spot.

Reaching over to open the stall door, you halt in your actions when you heard familiar voices talking.

"I'm so worried for finals, my parents are gonna kill me if I fail English again," a girl complained. You hear the sound of tap water running. "How are you so calm during this time, Mirae?'

"What's the use of studying hard anyways," the second girl, Mirae, said. "We all know the top spots are gonna be taken by Jang Wonyoung and Yang Jungwon, I just study enough to pass."

The other girl snorted at her reply. "Imagine if those two got together, the power couple of the year," she suddenly said.

"Poor Y/N then, she's gonna be over shadowed by them."

"As if she already isn't. I almost forgot they were a trio until you mentioned Y/N," the girl laughed.

"What can I say? They're out of her league," Mirae joined in with her laughter.

The two voices faded away as you heard the door closed. Finally pushing the door open, you looked at your reflection. Your eyebrows knitted in annoyance and your face was morphed in a scowl. You washed your hands aggressively and poked the inside of your cheek. What bugged you was that they were right. You were the black sheep between Wonyoung and Jungwon. Both of them were smart and amazing, and you're just…you.

You love your best friends, you truly do. But you were constantly compared to them and you hated it. Everyone wanted them, you watched as guys tripped over to confess to Wonyoung and girls squealing when Jungwon smiled at them. The two of them always reassured you that you weren't beneath them but you were sick of their sympathy. You're so caught up in the news of who likes you and who hates them. You just wished people liked you more.

Storming out of the bathroom, someone accidentally ran into you and caused you to fell onto your butt. The student immediately stood up and scurried off, not bothering to even a mutter an apology. All I did was try my best and this is the thanks I get, you thought bitterly.

They said that these were the golden years, but you wished you could just disappear. God, it's brutal out here.

"Y/N, wait up!" Jungwon called after you.

You stopped in your tracks as you watched Jungwon waved goodbye to some students before jogging towards you.

"You heading to cram school today?" He asked you as the both of you fell into the same walking rhythm.

You shook your head, clasping your hands behind. "I moved it to Thursday instead, Wonyoung said I had to many things on Tuesday," you told him. Originally, you would be heading to the library to study before heading over to the cram school. But Wonyoung took one look at your schedule and decided that you did not had enough breaks, so she managed to convince you to take the Thursday slot instead. Thursdays are one of the days where you would not go to the library.

Jungwon seemed to be disappointed to find out that you had switched slots. Maybe he should changed slots too, but does he have any empty spots open for Thursday though? He'd have to check later. Instead, he coughed and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Do you wanna come over later? The new Demon Slayer movie is out," he offered, hoping that you'd accept.

Unfortunately, you once again shook your head. "Sorry Jungwon, I'd want to cram even more later. Finals are really creeping in and I can't afford to waste any time," you told him with a sad smile. As much as you would like to ditch the books and watch Demon Slayer, the glaring C on your last history paper was telling you otherwise.

You stopped walking when you had reached your doorstep. "Thanks for walking me home, Jungwon. See you tomorrow!" and with that you disappeared behind the door.

Jungwon waved goodbye as he watched the door closed. The smile on his face dropped and his shoulder sagged. Jungwon you idiot, of course she would want to study, he scolded himself. With disappointment on his face, he trudged home with a heavy heart.

"Change of plans, guys," he announced as he swung the front door open, unfazed by the fact that Riki and Sunoo were lounging on his coach. He accepted the fact that Sunoo had somehow gotten the keys to his house (suspecting that his mother probably gave it to him due to favouritism or maybe Riki had sneakily made a copy).

Riki's head poked out from the couch. "She rejected you, didn't she," the younger boy said with a smirk.

Jungwon's face ears turned red as he glared at the boy. "No she did not!" He immediately told him. "She rejected the offer to watch the movie, that's different!"

"That's basically rejection, hyung," Riki laughed.

The other boy just glared at him. "Shut up!" he sputtered out before hiking up the stairs.

Sunoo gave Riki a look, to which the Japanese boy just shrugged his shoulders innocently.

Jungwon walked out from the shower, a towel around his neck with one hand running through his damp hair. Sunoo and Riki had left earlier, finally giving him some peace and quiet. His phone screen was flashing from his study table, initiating that someone was spamming him (quite aggressively) with text message. With a raised eyebrow, he picked up his phone

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: WHY DID Y/N JUST MESSAGED ME ABOUT HOMEWORK

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: ISNT SHE WITH YOU

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: I THOUGHT YOU SAID U WERE GONNA WATCH A MOVIE

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: DEMON HUNTER OR SMTG

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: WHY IS SHE ASKING ME FOR HW

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: DID U CHICKEN OUT???

[7:13 pm] wonyoung: omg u chickened out didnt u

[7:14 pm] jungwon: jfc wonyoung

[7:15 pm] jungwon: and no i did not chicken out okay

[7:15 pm] jungwon: she declined

[7:16 pm] jungwon: she said she had to study ;-;

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: omg u suck

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: i told u the movie idea was dumb

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: but do u ever listen to me

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: no

[7:19 pm] wonyoung: and now u suffer the consequences

[7:20 pm] jungwon: yea yea i get it im dumb

[7:20 pm] jungwon: now what's ur solution the great jang wonyoung

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: i am so glad u asked :)

[7:21 pm] jungwon: oh no

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: stfu im giving u a better idea

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: a n y w a y s

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: my ynradar is going off and she's s a d

[7:23 pm] jungwon: how would u know

[7:23 pm] jungwon: she seemed fine today

[7:23 pm] wonyoung: stfu jungwon its best friend things u wont understand

[7:24 pm] jungwon: i-

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: and as her future bf u SHOULD start to train ur ynradar

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: anw its exam season stoopid

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and its when those kids start to talk abt how the both of us are gonna get top scores

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and they talk down on y/n while doing so

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: assholes

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: so i propose to u

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: a ✨ study date ✨

[7:28 pm] jungwon: i

[7:29 pm] jungwon: that's

[7:29 pm] jungwon: actually not a bad idea

[7:30 pm] wonyoung: obv i came up with it

[7:31 pm] jungwon: can u not

[7:31 pm] wonyoung: anw a study date

[7:32 pm] wonyoung: she's struggling in maths

[7:33 pm] wonyoung: specifically taxes because she said and i quote

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: "why do we have to do taxes when we pay people to do it for us"

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: so pls help her and try to cheer her up

[7:35 pm] wonyoung: and confess coward

[7:36 pm] jungwon: i make no promises for the last one

[7:36 pm] wonyoung: aFTER EVERYTHING I JUST SAID

[7:37 pm] jungwon: what if she rejects me wonyoung

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: WE'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION A LOT OF TIMES JUNGWON

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: SHE LIKES U BUT SHES TOO DUMB TO REALISE

[7:39 pm] jungwon: sigh

[7:40 pm] jungwon: fine i'll try thanks wonyoung

[7:41 pm] wonyoung: np i expect y'all to be a couple by next monday <3

[7:41 pm] jungwon: i-

Sighing for the nth time of the night, Jungwon sat on his bed. He allowed the towel to slipped off his shoulders as his thumb hovered over your chat icon. Truth be told, he always thought his crush on you was unrequited love. You never showed any signs of returning of feelings so he thought he would just ignore the feeling until it was gone.

But oh boy was he wrong, because he didn't knew that he would be spending his high school years by your side. And now you occupy his mind 24/7. Wonyoung could literally tell that he was in love with you, but somehow you never caught on. He allowed Sunoo and Riki to convince him to do the whole "movie date idea", but that failed. So Wonyoung's suggestion was his only option left.

He typed out the message, ready to send it out. If only he could just press the button. Come on Yang Jungwon, you can do this. Just press the damn button Jungwon. Suddenly his phone pinged loudly, scaring the lights out of the poor boy as he yelped and his phone landed with a thud on the ground. He peered over his bed, as if his phone was a ticking bomb.

Oh, it was a message from you.

[8:01 pm] y/n: hey do u know where wonyoung is

[8:01 pm] y/n: she isn't answering my texts

Oh no. He realised that your chat was open, the two ticks indicated that he had (unintentionally) read the message. He couldn't just leave you on read. That's just evil. Scrambling to get his phone, he immediately typed a reply to cover for the other girl.

[8:02 pm] jungwon: sorry i don't :/

[8:02 pm] jungwon: what do u need her for

[8:03 pm] y/n: mf was supposed to teach me a maths question but she left me on rEAD

This was his chance! It was the perfect opportunity for him to score a date with you. Okay, breathe in breath out Jungwon. Don't mess it up and just ask her, he mentally prepared himself.

[8:04 pm] jungwon: oh i could help you if you want

[8:04 pm] jungwon: yk with finals coming up and everything, i can help you study

[8:05 pm] jungwon: if you want of course

[8:05 pm] y/n: omg srsly??

[8:06 pm] jungwon: pls help me study my braincells are literally dying

[8:07 pm] jungwon: jdsjkda okay how about this saturday at your place?

[8:08 pm] y/n: yeah sure

[8:08 pm] jungwon: cool its a date then!

You blinked at Jungwon's message. A date? Wait, did Yang Jungwon just indirectly asked you out? Nah, nah. You were overthinking it. Yes, definitely overthinking. Don't kid yourself, why would Jungwon ask you out on a date? Jungwon is just a friend, you tried to convince yourself.

Keyword: tried.

If he really was just a friend, then why did it felt like butterflies were in your stomach when he said "it was a date"? Then why did you frowned when those girls said that Wonyoung and Jungwon would make a good couple?

Oh god, do you have feelings for your best friend?

Saturday came faster than you would have liked it to. Ever since that last chat with Jungwon, it gave you the sudden realisation that you did in fact had feelings for your best friend. You tried so hard to avoid him in school because you don't want the butterflies back in your stomach. It was basically confirming the fact that you like him. Well, avoiding him also confirmed the fact but you choose to be in denial about it.

You didn't tell Wonyoung about your study date but lately she's been sending you outfit ideas on Pinterest. Specifically, date outftis. And whenever you tried to ask her a question about school, she brushed you off with a random excuse. So it left you no choice but to save those questions for Jungwon.

Speaking of Jungwon, he had texted you 10 minutes ago that he was on the way. You were standing in the middle of your room with your hands on your hips. Both of your parents were out for the day, which left you alone at home. You had taken out the low table to be used later and it was currently in front of you. Colourful workbooks were neatly stacked on top of it.

You did a 360 turn around your room. Was it messy? You cleaned it this morning when you woke up. Did you had any clothes out? No, doesn't look like it. For some reason, you were a nervous wreck. You blamed Jungwon. He just had to call this a date, didn't he.

Should you change? Maybe you should finally look through all those pins Wonyoung sent. Wait, no, why would you have to change into something nice. Jungwon was here to help you study, just that.

Yeah, a study date, your mind emphasised on the word.

The sound of the doorbell pulled you out from your thoughts. You immediately went to open the door. Yang Jungwon stood there on the other side, with his signature smile. Had he always resembled a sheep? He just looked so fluffy.

"Hey!" You greeted him with a smile, internally wincing at your way-too-enthusiastic voice.

But Jungwon didn't seem to mind it. "Hey!" he greeted back.

You moved to the side to let him in. "Thank you for having me," he said as he bowed then proceeded to remove his shoes.

"Uh, do you want anything? Water?" You asked him.

He shook his head.

"Ah, cool. Let's head to my room," you started to walk back to your room.

"Where are your parents?" He asked.

"Out," you simply replied.

That was when it dawned upon you, that your parents were not home. Leaving you and Jungwon, alone. Together. In your room. Alone. With the boy you potentially have a crush on.

"Y/N?" Jungwon tapped on your shoulder. You had stopped walking when you were suddenly washed over by your thoughts. Snapping out of it, you sent him a small smile before opening the room to your door.

The both of you shuffled into your bedroom, you sat down in front of the low table while Jungwon settled down next to you. He moved to take out his books then turned to you. "How about we do some studying and if you have any questions, you can ask me okay?" He said.

You nodded and flipped your own workbook open, immediately starting to work on the first question. Jungwon copied your action and a comfortable silence engulfed the both of you. As the time passed, you found yourself stuck on a certain maths question.

You slightly turned your head to the side to look at Jungwon. He was concentrated at doing his work, you felt a sense of deja vu while looking at him. He resembled Wonyoung when she was studying. At the thought of Wonyoung, you suddenly thought of what those girls said at the bathroom.

They would make a good couple, wouldn't they, you thought. The power couple of the year.

The butterflies in your stomach faded away into an uncomfortable feeling. Just the idea of them getting together already made you sick. You bit the inside of your cheek, you really did had feelings for him. And now it scared you because what if he doesn't feel the same. You made a mental note to consult with Wonyoung later, at least you hope that you'll allow yourself to tell her.

Jungwon must've noticed you staring and gently tapped your head with his pencil. A contrast to when Wonyoung painfully flicked your forehead.

"What's wrong? Are you stuck on a question?" He asked.

You leaned back a bit at the sudden action. You were so deep in your insecurities that you had totally forgotten about the literal problem sitting in front of you. Yet you couldn't even bother to ask him so you just shook your head. "I'm gonna get something to drink," you said instead.

Jungwon watched as you stood up, then decided to follow you as well. "I'll come along."

The boy joined you in the kitchen, perched on one of the island stools as you grabbed a can of soda from the fridge. He studied your movement as you worked around the kitchen. Your features were neutral, you weren't smiling nor frowning. But he could tell that your shoulders were tensed. Wonyoung was right, you did seem down. And he cursed himself for not noticing earlier.

"You okay?" His question made you stopped in a mid-pour stance, the can of soda was tilted but not enough for the contents to be poured out.

You brushed his question off and poured the drink into the cup. "Yeah," you hummed.

Unconvinced by your answer, he pried more. "You know you shouldn't care about what they say, right?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, pretending like you didn't understand where he was coming from.

"You're not below us, you know that right?"

You couldn't help but scoffed at his words. Jungwon's lips tugged downwards "I'm being serious here, Y/N," his tone was stern. "You shouldn't listen to what they say. You're more than just-"

The sound of the can being slammed down shuts him up. Your fingers tightened around the can as you looked at him. You didn't had the energy to hear him preach the same old "Don't Listen To Them" speech. You don't need his pity.

"I don't want to hear it, Yang Jungwon," you said through gritted teeth. Not sparing him another glance, you threw the empty can into the trash as you grabbed your glass.

As you walked past Jungwon, he suddenly reached out and held onto your forearm. "Y/N," he said softly. "Please tell me what's wrong."

You sighed and slowly turn around to face him, placing the glass back on the counter. You took in a deep breath before you opened your mouth. "I feel like I'm not enough," you finally said. "Everything I do just doesn't seem enough. All I'm doing is my best but it's just crushing my ego because everyone is telling me that you're better than me."

"I feel like no one wants me and I hate the way I'm perceived. It's always poor Y/N this and poor Y/N that's because everyone just sees me as your shadow and I fucking hate it. I only have two real friends," you gestured wildly. "And lately I'm a nervous wreck cause I keep comparing myself to the two of you. I'm not cool and I'm not smart, and I can't even parallel park!" You threw your hands up in frustration, the feelings you kept inside were pouring out like a waterfall.

Jungwon just stood there as he listened tentatively to every word. He didn't knew that you felt this way, bottling up all your emotions like that.

"And I'm so tired of people telling me to enjoy my youth and that these are the golden years. I might just fucking cry if I hear those words again," you finished ranting. It felt good, it felt like a weight on your heart has been lifted. Then you remembered that you just dumped all of it on Jungwon.

You opened your mouth to apologise to him but he surprised you by pulling him into his arms. At first you were standing stiffly at the sudden contact, but it took a millisecond for you to melt in his embrace. His arms were gently around your back and you returned the hug by wrapping your arms around his torso. The two of you stay in that position for awhile, relishing in each other's embrace. You definitely needed this hug.

Tightening your hold on Jungwon, you realised how important he was to you. He was your best friend and he was always there for you. It was stupid of you to compare yourself to him, when all he did was tried his best for you. The taller boy chuckled when he felt you rubbed your face into his shoulder, he involuntarily released a contented sigh. You felt one of his hands stroked your hair, it felt comforting. That action itself was enough for the butterflies to slowly settled back in you.

After a while, both of you finally (unwillingly) released each other. He pushed a strand of hair behind your ears and said, "You're wrong by the way." Which made you tilt your head in genuine confusion.

"You are cool and you are smart. You're like the coolest person I know. And no one thinks of you as our shadow, you don't hear it but I've always hear the juniors praising you for helping them and how enthusiastic you are," the way he delivered his words was filled with pure awe for you.

"And who cares if you can't parallel park. You didn't hear it from but Jay hyung failed his drivers test three times just because he couldn't parallel park," and that got a laugh out from you. Jungwon smiled proudly that he managed to make you laugh. "And you're wrong when you said no one wants you. I want you."

You blinked once, twice and thrice. He wanted you? "You're just saying that cause you're my best friend," you replied.

"No," he firmly said. "I like you, Y/N."

(Jungwon doesn't know where he got this sudden surge of confidence, but the mood was the perfect time for him to confess. It was a one time chance and he had to take it.)

You chuckled. "I like you too, Jungwon. We are friends aren't we?"

"No, Y/N. I like you. More than friends."

"Oh." Oh.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of neck awkwardly. Oh no, did you not feel the same way?

While you on the other hand, were malfunctioning on the inside. Your best friend just confessed to you and you were frozen on the spot. Why couldn't he had done it over text instead. If he had done it over text, then you could've left the message unread and you could've spammed Wonyoung for help. But the thing is that it wasn't over text and you couldn't just tell him to wait here while you panicked to Wonyoung in your bathroom.

Yang Jungwon likes you. And you like him too, right? Because if you didn't, your cheeks won't be heating up right now and your heart would have not be beating rapidly like it was going to break your rib cage any second. If you didn't like him, there would have never been butterflies in your stomach. Yeah. You like Yang Jungwon, you like him a lot.

"Me too," you whispered, it was soft but it was enough for him to pick it up. Jungwon eyes snapped to you, doe eyed filled with hope. "I like you, too," you said, this time louder. And you made sure you looked him in the eye when you confessed.

You watched as Jungwon's mouth morphed into a big grin. He let out a sigh of relief and dropped to his knees, surprising you. "Jungwon!" you squeaked, bending down to help him.

"I'm fine! I'm fine," he assured you as he stood up with your help. The grin on his face was still there. "It's just that … you like me," he breathed out. "You like me back, wow. I-I can't believe it."

Your face was definitely burning with embarrassment. You punched him lightly on the shoulder, turning away to hide your face. "Believe it, you dork. I like you, okay!" Somehow his grin was able to grew wider at your words, Gently, he took your hand in his.

"How about we stop this study date, and I'll take you out on real date?"

© chaeryybomb 2021

a/n: thank you so much for reading this <3

[manias-wordcount]

request !!!!! are !!!!!!! closed !!!!!!1 (until 10/1)

as of today, august 8th, 2022.... request are closed !!!! for the next two months at least. request will be opening back up on October 1st, 2022 though !!! buy as long as you put in your request before today, it'll get done and get out to you sometime between now and October 1st! more info under the cut hehe

tomorrow is last part of my surgery and then the following Tuesday is when i move for school so my schedule is going to be a bit busy and i wanted to take care of the people who have put in their requests already so i can catch up. I've been making good progress though i have a big courseload this semester so i want to get a feel for how the start of fall is going to go before i go back to opening for requests.

and uhhhh,,,,

i wanna try to do kinktober again :} so that means i have to start planing now if i wanna be able to have a social life during October. that's IF i can even pull it off though smh..

but yeah, ill be sure to update my bio since i know this post is going to get lost in my blog so that everyone knows. but just a heads up, if you send me a request while my requests are closed, I'll just delete it and not ever respond. sorry about that ahead of time though

butttttttt if things end up working out for me better than expected, i might just open up request earlier than October 1st !!! hehe !!! but seriously, you're free to send whatever on October 1st. though if im doing kinktober again, you won't get it posted until November.

thank you guys for understanding !! and i hope you can hang on for a little bit while i ensure people who have been waiting already get a chance to see their favorite character do a little for them or smth

ok mania out peace

[handy-is-still-anonymous]

"What..? What did you just call me?"

Adrian stared at the other, trying to process what was happening, but his eyes widened when the man took the helmet off. Oh my god...

"Oh come on, even after 16 years..."

Barney smiled softly at Adrian, his hazel eyes still glowed even in the small sewer light,

"Im not allowed to used that nickname?"

Adrian nearly knocked Barney over when he hugged him, laughing softly. "Oh my God, you're un-fucking-believable." Barney only smiled at that and hugged him back tightly. "I've missed you so much. Everything had been so hectic the past few month. Or well more hectic than usual. It doesn't help that I thought you were dead. I didn't think I had anyone left. I thought I would just die alone- that I wouldn't ever get to see you again- and I-"

"Barney," Adrian mumbled soothingly, rubbing the leader's back. "It's okay now." He mumbled, more saying it all to himself than Barney, but the small man still took it as comfort. "Good. I really need someone like you around."

"Well we can't stay around... here at least. Let me show you how this sewer system works." Adrian turned and started to lead the way, walking with the same confidence and strict, squared shoulders as he did when marching through black mesa. That gave a bit more comfor to Barney as he followed behind him.

"This tunnel right here will lead to a medic camp some people have made, it's not as slick as it used to be, so it's easier to run there without slippjng busting your head. The tunnel to our right, is the way well go to get a crossed 'the border'. There isn't really one now but it gets us to the other camps outside of the cities. Out there though. I can't help much. That's for the other team to explain to you. I'm just here to guide through the sewers." Adrian walked over to a ladder in the right tunnel, "If it makes you feel better though, this guy that's up here sells stollen goods like ammo and food. Even some water he's purified."

His face showed a serious frown whilst explaining everything, his hands move as if to help pronounce and explain the words. His body shivered though. It reminded both men how dangerous just being there was.

Barney, even though he was scared, didn't let that fear control him as much as he used to. He has people to save now. People to fight for. He needed to protect Alyx, and Eli. He'd protect Kleiner more if that stupid scientist didn't keep bringing headcrabs in as 'pets'.

This was serious shit. In America you would probably just get arrested, even if your record was fucked you could just steal and run forever. Now? You would be killed infront of everyone. Your dead body being shot to death would've been a message to those on your side that they could run and hide forever. That's why you had to train to pull your gun out faster, know your enemy better then they know themselves. Steal as much equipment as possible and make sure to keep your guard up, everywhere.

Yeah, you can probably guess Barney wasn't sleeping good at all. No one really was. Could you blame them in this sick twisted world of destruction and 'order'. Made Barney wanna gag more just thinking about it...somehow, Adrian looked younger, like he never aged a day since they last met. Focus Barney, focus. You ain't got time for romance.

They climbed up the ladder to the merchant up top. Adrian introduced him.

"This is Carlos Devina. He's probably the most important guy during this trip. Sometimes he'll not be here and sometimes he will be. His schedule changes. This week he'll be here today, tomorrow and the Friday. Next week he'll be here Monday, Thursday and Saturday. Week after that he'll be here Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. Then the schedule will repeat."

"What's tomorrow again?"

"Tuesday, today is Monday."

"Got it. I need to write this down."

"Habit of being in the military, you just memorize the days. Used a copy of a calender before this shit started and went from there." Adrian chuckled softly and Carlos cleared his throat.

"I can give you a free copy of the calendar if you'd like, Mr. Calhoun. It marks the days ill be open so you won't have to write anything down."

"Yes, please I'll take 7."

Carlos went into the back doors of his shop. Adrian whistled to get Barney's attention. "So, resistance leader huh? Last time I checked you were bloody, limping and anxious. "

"Eh, I still am sometimes. I mean anxious and limping. I'm not always bloody." Barney grinned and Adrian nearly kissed him, but, unfortunately Carlos came back with 7 calenders, gently handing them to the resistance leader. "Here you go, Mr. Calhoun, anything else I can get you two?"

"That'll be all I think." Adrian said firmly and Carlos smirked. "Alright. Well, if you need me, just press the button as always. I'll be back here." And with that Carlos was gone again. Adrian mumbled something under his breath before asking. "I know you have an important role in this all, you don't usually get a break I'm sure, but... if you need me I'm always in the sewers."

Barney frowned, "I'll be meeting you in the sewers tomorrow, Adrian, and not for the reason you want. I'm gonna be bringing a lot of people and I need you and your team to be ready. I'm sorry but I... I guess I don't have much time anymore for romances and flirty games."

Games. Right. All this was, was a flirty game.

"I... understand. We'll be ready for you. I'll have Carlos cook extra meals. How many people will be here?" Adrian gulped down that stupid lump in his throat.

Barney, always clueless to other's emotions, didn't notice the change. "Just 3. I don't wanna get too suspicious." And with that, the meeting had ended. Barney left with one last goodbye and Adrian just felt stuck. He felt gross too, but he couldn't focus on that. It wasn't important. People's lives were at stake.

His. Feelings. Didn't. Matter.

Games.

Tag List:

@girzapata6

[mycelier]

My name is Simone and I would like to tell you a tale!

I will not have access to my laptop for some days more and because writing on my phone is kind of painful (physically, because I am working on hand mobility now), this may end up in drafts and taking a while to post. I am going to share what has been happening the last 2 months because I feel like everything went from 0 to 100 in the span of a few weeks and its been really, really wild.

So!!! LETTUCE begin!

For roughly 5 years I've been struggling to get a diagnosis on an extremely painful area of my arm. There was literally nothing visible; no lump, discoloration or any other physical abnormality to indicate anything was wrong. I spent thousands on pretty much every kind of imaging you can do, and was told time and time again that there was nothing wrong and, perhaps, it was psychosomatic and I needed therapy or, more often than not, I was given a shrug and a vague "i dunno" response.

This year, something changed. I deal with chronic pain (my spine is congenitally fused in my neck and lower spine and I have baby bone spurs all over), and in the process of trying to work on that I brought up my arm again to a dr I no longer see. He'd told me my arm was SEVERAL things over the years I had been seeing him but this time said it was a fibromyalgia knot, something I had been told by a team of doctors some time before that. I said okay cool and was sent to a physical therapy rehab center where the dr worked with myofascial release and stretches to help with injuries. This amazing man fixed my plantar fasciitis and helped get my chronic headaches under control but NOTHING we did helped my arm pain. Within a month he was worried bc we had started to notice that there was a hardness to the spot that never changed with any exercise or massage.

Worried that there was a nerve being trapped or crushed (another diagnosis I'd gotten over the years), this amazing man sent me to a neurosurgeon who immediately frowned and said he didn't think my neck pain and my arm pain were connected. He ordered an MRI of my arm and despite it not being visible on an MRI 2 years before, he found something PHYSICALLY THERE where I said I had pain. He considered doing the surgery to remove it (despite being a neurosurgeon he was fascinated with this weird horribly painful spot) but eventually sent me a surgeon for an oncology center, assuring me it was because this new surgeon was one of the best in Texas for removing soft tissue tumors, not because there was any thought of cancer.

I met with the surgeon who gave me one more diagnosis of an AVM (arteriovenous malformation), snd said they were benign and not necessary to remove as well as the possibility that if removed it would likely return. Truly, at this point after 5 years of constant nauseating horric pain when someone brushed against me or if I gently brushed against ANYRHING, a pain so bad that it had basically made me stop using my right arm as much as possible (of course I'm right handed lol), I said GET THAT FUCKER OUT OF THERE MAN and my first surgery was scheduled.

Surgery one occurred Nov 5th and was an out patient event. I went home and passed out. At some point my mom said that while I'd been in recovery the dr said the thing in my arm hadn't looked like what he expected so he had sent it to pathology. I went back to work and was hanging out until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when I went in for a super immediate meeting with a different doctor who told me that what had been in my arm was a synovial sarcoma, aka, cancer! He, this incredibly kind man I did not know, gently discussed chemo and told me I needed to have a CT scan immediately. Based on the CT, i was either in stage one or stage four if it has spread to lungs. The day before Thanksgiving I received the news that it was stage one, it had not spread, and i was so fucking happy.

Then it was time talk about next steps. My surgeon marked out a circle on my arm to indicate how much he was gonna remove in order to guarantee clear margins..but it was not enough of a meeting for me to grasp the surgery I was about to receive.

The day of my second surgery, dec 8th, came quickly and i met with the plastic surgeon, the kindest, most patient man. He moved my arm around and explained how he was going to hijack a vein from my forearm in order to keep the blood flow health to the flap he was gonna take from the donor site: My inner thigh.

It has been 11 days and I am living in an inpatient rehab facility, working on dealing with the nerve damage/pain, the EXTREME pain of my donor site, and the lost mobility that I am working on getting back, both in my leg and my hand. The majorities of my arm is numb...except where the nerve pain burns my wrist and forearm and makes it painful to wear my arm sling (I can't fully extend my arm, nor can I lift, push, pull or use my arm in any way that would stress out my new arm flap). Also may have a brand new urinary tract infection but as I write this I'm chugging water for a urine sample to hopefully get that treated. Below are some pictures I have taken/had taken of my arm! Im not ready to look at my leg outside of the bandages (which, since having the wound vac removed today, hell yeah, will need daily dressing changes).

EDIT: I tried posting pictures of my arm last night and my post disappeared immediately so I will try to make a new post with these photos in case the whole post was erased because of them. I will tag them as post surgery photos. I do not consider them gory or excessive but hey that's just me.

I intend to post more things as I keep healing and as I gain more mobility. I was given "independence" in my room yesterday which means I can officially get up without any assistance needed (using my badass new cane to help me lift my foot in and out of bed)!!!! Which also means I can get up whenever I want without the bed alarm going off. I have a badass cane that has been the best tool in helping me get around (and has inspired my mom and others to suggest and look into getting me a cane sword which makes me laugh REAL hard). See below me using the cane to move my foot in and out of bed!

Part of why I'm posting this is because I really needed to talk about it and while later posts may not be this long or expository but I wanted to have a base post to explain other ones related to this one!!!

I will update with some newer pics tomorrow night when my mom comes by to help me take newer pics. The arm flap looks super healthy (according to the drs), and when they changed my leg dressing they said its looking really good and healthy!

I......also really wanted to post my Amazon wishlist. Due to this stupid wild bad lottery ticket, I've been struggling to pay my bills and rent but!!! I have good insurance, thankfully (since I live in the US and my hospital stay and this rehab stay would have more than bankrupted me), and im hoping my disability checks will get here in time for rent!!! I'm putting up my wishlist bc I can't afford some of the "essentials" on there and, also, because I havent been able to have any kind of comfort during any of this. I never ask for anything for holidays because usually i...dont want to burden people with spending money on me since I know how hard money is, especially right now. And if I don't have enough for rent later I might have to create a go fund me...but right now everything looks good for rent and bills just...not for anything fun.

Thank you so much for your time!!! And happy holidays you wild bastards!!!

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/36PG6BAYD18U7?ref_=wl_share

[burnedbyshoto]

Welcome Home - Part Three

todoroki shouto x first time parents fem!reader

warnings: fluff :D

word count: 4,564

A/N: im so sorry if y’all are sick and tired of pregnancy crap from me, because im not and neither are these anons. you can definitely read this independently from the other two parts theres nothing that connects them except Kaito but hes just your child so its no biggie honestly, i hope you two anons enjoy this so much! and im sorry that these aren’t h/c and i went with a super self-indulgent scenario instead.... anon if you want that hc still i will gladly write up a hc of this entire thing for you!! >:) anyways like subscribe at my youtube channel for more ;) enjoy

Part One  Part Two  Part Four

Todoroki Kaito was a force to be reckoned with. At only four years old he was able to evade most babysitters his parents had for him on the days neither or both of them could not be home with him, or when Kaito wasn't in school. His bright red hair was something that everyone figured would make him easy to spot, but he was just so slippery and quick. 

In fact at ten at night on a Tuesday night, when you and your loving husband Shouto were on route home after being in the office since four in the morning, he escaped. You smiled up at your husband who had his arm wrapped around your shoulder, his head resting upon your own as the two of you walked leisurely.

“Do you need me to carry you?” You teased Shouto as you seemed to be doing the heavy lifting during this walk, not that you minded carrying him.

“I do like being carried by strong women.” Shouto agreed as he suddenly put the mass majority of his body weight on you, catching you off guard as you shrieked stumbling many steps forward before catching your balance. “There we go.” Shouto murmured into your ear as you giggled now walking--dragging--Shouto with you as he refused to wrap his legs around you.

“MAMA!” The all too familiar and recognizable voice of Kaito sounded through the empty streets, and your eyes immediately spotted the tiny figure of your son running at what could only be his breakneck speed toward you.

“Kaito-chan?!” You shouted back, suddenly leaving Shouto to fall forward as you went racing for your child who flung himself into your arms.

“Mama, I missed you so much! It was nine p.m. and you and papa weren’t home so I had to go find you!” Kaito explained himself without you even having to ask. You sigh softly pushing your baby’s shaggy hair out of his eyes and you looked into Kaito’s eyes that were identical to your own.

“You know you can’t just come looking for us,” You reason with you toddler who was squirming in your arms to be given to Shouto, and you easily passed him over, and Shouto took the small child giving him an affectionate kiss on his forehead. “Besides where is Midoriya-san? Did you tell him where you were going?”

“Well, Midoriya-san said that I couldn’t, but then I decided that my mama was in trouble so I left anyways,” Kaito said as he decided to go back to your arms. “Kaito-chan, you can’t be doing that, at least tell Midoriya-san that you are leaving.” Shouto reasons and you kick your husband softly on his leg, giving a pointed look.

“Kaito-chan, mama, and papa are Pro-Heroes and sometimes we will get home late, but we will always be back to kiss you goodnight.” You whisper to your son who has his head nestled into your neck.

“I know,” Kaito understands, you know that, “But I’m stronger than papa, so I needed to make sure.”

You laugh as you ruffle his hair and look at Shouto who has rolled his eyes, but the smile never left his face. It was kinda cute how much Shouto loved his son, even when he made backhanded comments like that. “And I’m stronger than the both of you, so if we don’t make it home in two minutes I’m going to ground the both of you.” You threaten as you begin walking again knowing your house was just around the corner of this block.

The next thing you knew, Shouto was carrying the both of you and started running with the two of you in his arms, “Go, papa! GO!” Kaito cheered on as in under a minute the three of you were outside the door.

“Now, I’m sure Midoriya-san hasn’t noticed you’re gone, because you’re supposed to be asleep like a good boy,” You tell Kaito as he holds your hand as you all search for wherever Izuku is in the house, “So you are going to apologize to him.”

“You’re going to make Midoriya flip,” Shouto states as he wraps his arms around your waist, his face pressed into your neck as he places a chaste kiss there.

“It’ll be hilarious,” You respond back, gently leaning into your husband as your son apologizes to Midoriya who had not noticed his disappearance.

You grinned looking at your husband as you watched Midoriya sprinting into the hallway of your house, Kaito tossed onto his shoulders like a sack of potatoes.

“Y-Y/n-chan! Shouto!” Midoriya laughs awkwardly as he places a hand to his neck, shifting his body as if to hid Kaito who’s feet were dangling very obviously in the front.

“Kiss mama, Midoriya-san! That’s what papa does to get away with things!” Kaito screams from his position as if unaware of how far away they were from him 

“Kaito-chan, I-I can’t do that!” Midoriya stutters as he shakes a hand in denial to the married couple in front of him.

“Yeah, Midoriya, kiss y/n, so you can get away from it,” Shouto repeats Kaito’s command and Midoriya splutters completely flustered.

You let out a few laughs as you can’t believe the situation you were in currently, “Kaito-chan, only mama and papa can kiss each other; if anyone else tries to do it that's wrong.”

Kaito struggled to rise up from his hanging position from Midoriya’s shoulder, and there are fat toddler tears in his eyes, “So I can’t kiss you any-anymore, mama?” He bawls as you realize your mistake scooping your son from Midoriya who was still beet red. 

“No no, baby.” You coo softly at Kaito as you give Shouto a pointed look as he was giving you a teasingly stare for making Kaito cry. “You can kiss your mama as much as you want, but adults can’t go kissing me or your papa.”

Eventually, you manage to say goodnight to Midoriya, and Kaito slams his forehead to his cheek as a way of saying goodnight. Shouto and you take Kaito back into his room as the sleepy redhead boy was falling asleep on your shoulder, murmuring about how he wanted chocolate milk but Shouto wouldn’t buy him chocolate milk.

“Goodnight, my baby Tenshi.” You whisper lovingly to Kaito as you press a kiss to his cheek.

“G’night, Mama…” Kaito sighs as he wraps his arms around you tightly, “I missed you today…”

You smile wider as you muzzle your nose into his cheek, “And I missed you, but I love you, and go to sleep before you make mama miss her beauty sleep.”

Kaito giggles as you stand up, letting Shouto give his own bedtime routine with Kaito. And you watch on as you always do as your husband playful tickles your son, who goes and starts screeching in mercy only to fling himself into Shouto’s arms and you smile as they exchange: I love you’s.

By the time the two of you exit Kaito’s room, your baby is long since knocked out.

You showered first the night, as apart of your guys designed schedule.

As Pro-Heroes, being in a happy marriage and a loving family with a toddler son required some work. Ever since you were off maternity leave from heroics, the two of you had a schedule that had yet to fail.

Monday’s were your day off, that day you were taking care of Kaito by yourself and doing whatever necessary around the house. Wednesday’s, or tomorrow, was Shouto’s days off, and he took care of Kaito and ran necessary errands outside of the house. Friday’s were the best days though, the two of you didn’t work, so you would spend half the day with Kaito and then go out together that night. It worked flawlessly, and even after four years, Friday nights were always something you looked forward too.

You sat on your bed, already under the covers as you heard the shower turn off. You were currently texting Mina about if she was sure she wanted to take care of Kaito on Thursday. Most of your friends were always eager and ready to take care of your guy’s son, most likely because he was still a baby and with his quirk still unmanifested, it made taking care of him easier.

Your eyes snapped up to see Shouto walking out of the bathroom still wet from the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, and even after how many years of seeing a sight like this you froze and blushed.

“Look away, pervert.” Shouto teased you and you playfully scoffed, turning on your side and turning off your light, you needed to sleep.

In only a few seconds, Shouto was climbing into bed, dressed for sleep. His arm pulling you closer to him, and you smiled softly before turning around to be properly held by him.

“So what are you doing with our son tomorrow?” You ask Shouto as your fingers trailed in soft stroking motions on his shoulders.

“Well, we don’t need any errands to be done, so I was thinking that park after lunch, and then maybe I’ll convince him to make dinner with me for his gorgeous mother.” Shouto sighs softly as your fingers gently massage a knot you found in his neck.

“Oh, his mother? I’ve always heard good things.” You say nonchalantly as Shouto’s hands move from your back to your hips.

“She’s the best, honestly, well… if I’m being honest she does have this fatal flaw.” Shouto grins up at the ceiling as your eyes sharply squint.

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah…” Shouto agrees, starting to laugh at what he’s going to say next, “She is a little bitch.”

He catches your hands that went to smack him, and immediately rolls his weight over so that you’re trapped between him and the mattress, “Oh, did I mention to add she’s predictable?” Shouto continues as he smirks down at you.

“You’re annoying.” You retort weakly as you watch your husband come down to kiss you softly.

“That sucks for you,” He mutters against your lips and you kiss him back ready to prove to him just how unpredictable you really were.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

Shouto woke up the next morning to you leaving for the day and smiled when you gave him a sweet kiss goodbye. “Don’t you dare hurt my child.” You threatened playfully as he grabbed you pulling you back into the bed.

“I’m sure there will be a nearby Pro-Hero to save him just in case,” Shouto whispers as he tries to steal a few more minutes in bed with you.

“Bakugo and Mina will yell at me if I’m late again!” You squeal as you squirm hopelessly against him.

“Alright, mama, go kick some ass today.” Shouto relents as he lets you go.

“I’ll kick your ass,” You mock as you press a final kiss to his lips.

“I’m sure you will.”

After watching as you kiss your still sleeping son goodbye, he walks you out the door and upon returning to his bed Shouto then falls back asleep.

“PAPA, WAKE UP!” A voice roared and Shouto’s eyes shot open as Kaito was sitting on his chest his y/e/c eyes centimeters from his. “Oh papa, I thought you were dead…” Kaito groaned as he collapsed onto Shouto's face.

“I was sleeping, Kaito-chan.” Shouto laughs as he sits up, catching his son in his arms.

“Well, I didn’t know that and was going to perform C-P-P,” Kaito exasperates with a pointed look, a smile never leaving his face.

“C-P-R.” Shouto corrects Kaito as he throws him gently onto the bed.

“C-P-R…” Kaito mutters, his face scrunching as he shakes his head, “No, papa, it’s C-P-P!” He screams in defiance.

“Hm, you may be right,” Shouto says, pretending to think about the spelling as he gets out of bed, “I think we’ll ask your beautiful and smart mama tonight, huh.”

“If I win, I get to sleep in the bed with mama, and you take my bed!” Kaito grins with his teeth on full display as he shimmies off the bed.

“I’ll take that bet,” Shouto agrees, grabbing the edge of the sheet and sees Kaito mimicking his actions and together they make the bed.

“Alright, piggy let's go brush some teeth!” Shouto says throwing his son up onto his shoulders, and can’t help the warm feeling in his stomach at the roar of giggles coming from Kaito.

Shouto spends the rest of the morning attempting to make his son some pancakes while Kaito attempts to paint his toenails, although Shouto is nearly positive he’s only managed to paint the flesh and not the nail. “Wow, I really like the neon yellow you chose.” Shouto points out as Kaito nods his head against his calf.

“Mama does it so much better, but I think mine is still pretty,” Kaito said as he looks at the disaster of the nail polish over his foot. Shouto looks down and has to physical bite his tongue to keep himself from laughing.

“We have to show mama this, huh Kaito-chan,” Shouto says as he puts the pancakes on a plate. “Hold on.”

Kaito latches tighter onto Shouto’s leg as he easily walks to the table despite the extra weight on his leg. Kaito screams of laughter made everything better and Shouto even went around the kitchen table one time after Kaito begged for more.

Shouto watched as Kaito poured syrup onto his pancakes with a concentrated look on his face, his chubby hands barely able to hold the bottle. “You got enough syrup there, Kaito-chan?” Shouto asked as he waited for Kaito to be done so he could also pour on some syrup.

“Nope! I want it to fill the house with syrup.” Kaito explains cheerfully as Shouto chuckles.

“I don’t think your mama would appreciate sleeping with syrup in her hair, remember the time she found a feather in her hair?”

“Mama is pretty silly.” Kaito agreed as he handed the syrup over to Shouto.

“And we can go to the park afterward?” Shouto offered when pancakes were stuffed into Kaito’s face, and his eyes sparkled in excitement.

“YESH, PWEASE?!” Kaito shouted food spraying everywhere.

The two males stared at the food on the table and echoes of laughter sounded through the house.

Shouto tried dressing his son who was in the middle of playing the part of a superhero, “I want to be just like mama!” Kaito shouted as his hand thrust out pretending to do who knows what. Your quirk definitely did not depend on you shooting anything.

“I do, too.” Shouto agrees as he manages to pull a blue t-shirt with your Pro-Hero costume printed on it.

“But papa, you’re a Pro-Hero already! Why would you wanna be like mama?”

“She’s amazing.” Shouto simply states and Kaito looks at his dad with curious eyes.

“Papa, are you in love with mama?” Kaito asks as he sticks out his legs for Shouto to put on his shorts and socks.

“Very much so,” Shouto tells his son as he ruffles his hair, “Just like I love you.”

Kaito laughs as he stands up and jumps into Shouto’s arms, “I love you too, papa.”

“Ready for the park?”

“YES!”

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

Shouto was sitting on a park bench watching as Kaito ran around the playground following a group of slightly older kids. “I’m sorry, but you’re the Pro-Hero: Shouto, correct?” A lady’s voice asked from behind Shouto, and without looking, Shouto nodded his head.

“I am, is there anything you need? Sorry, I’m just looking after my son today.”

“Oh, I know, I was just wanting to see if you would be willing to sign this for my child? He’s a huge fan!”

Shouto looks away from Kaito who was climbing up the jungle gym, standing up to face the mother who was clutching a piece of his merchandise. Smiling gently, Shouto places his signature on the item and returns to sit down.

“You don’t mind if I sit here? It seems that my daughter is playing with your son?”

Shouto’s eyebrows scrunch slightly, “You have a daughter and a son?” He asks looking back to the group of kids Kaito was playing with none of which looked remotely related.

“Uh, yeah, I, um, I do!” She stutters rubbing the back of her head as the two of them sit down on the bench, Shouto watching Kaito look over at him, and he waved.

Shouto allows the lady to sit next to him and he watches as Kaito is coming down the slide, and his face scrunches up as it normally does before he needs to sneeze, except it’s not just a sneeze. Shouto watches as Kaito sneezes, fire emitting from his body and burning the asphalt of the playground, Kaito shrieked and moved his hands around and the emitted fire followed the movement of his hands.

“PAPA!!! HELP ME!!” Kaito bellowed as parents immediately raced to their children as the flames seemed to grow in Kaito’s anxiety and fear. Shouto is already by Kaito’s side, ice emitting from his footsteps to counteract the flames that were set as Kaito sobs.

“Are you okay, Kaito-kun?” Shouto asks as he quickly examines his son for any potential injury.

“I JUST SNEEZED OUT FIRE!” Kaito wailed as his hands went to cover his eyes. “AND NOW I CAN NEVER EVER SNEEZE AGAIN!”

Shouto had to bite his tongue to keep himself from laughing at Kaito, “I don’t think that’s true…”

“I’m gonna be mama’s sidekick with a quirk called sneezing fires!” Kaito complained as tears continued to flow down his face, and Shouto paused feeling his old self reflected in the troubles of Kaito.

“You know what my quirk is, right?” Shouto asks as he sinks to the floor of the playground, Kaito looking up at Shouto as he sniffled loudly. Kaito nodded his head as his hand touched the scar on Shouto’s face.

“Half cold-half hot.”

Shouto nodded as he opened his left palm and demonstrated to Kaito a small wisp of fire that danced gently across his palm. “I have a fire, just like you. You wanna know a secret?”

Kaito’s eyes brightened, he did love secrets, and Shouto grinned back at his smiling toddler, “Okay, my secret is that I used to hate my fireside.”

This causes confusion to hit Kaito’s face, his fingers going to touch the flame that gently swirled in a hypnotic dance. “But you’re so strong, papa, how could you hate your fire?”

Shouto paused, noticing the audience nearby watching a rare moment of a Pro-Hero discussing the hardships of his childhood in public, “I thought I would hurt someone with it, become someone I wasn’t, but with the help of your mama and Midoriya-san, I’ve come to love my fire. I think you’ll love yours as well.”

Kaito stares at his father with a newfound love, one that was forged when two people endured the same hardships with their thoughts of their quirks. “I’ll love my quirk if you love yours.” Kaito compromises, sticking his pinky out for him to seal this secret between the two of them.

“Deal.”

Later that day, “Pro-Hero: Shouto, saves son from himself!” was the biggest news of the day.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

Shouto stood in the kitchen preparing for dinner as Kaito sat coloring in front of him, casual singing some theme song Shouto knew by heart. Shouto heard his phone ring, but since he was in the middle of cooking the salmon, he asked Kaito to retrieve the phone.

Kaito skipped over to Shouto’s phone, picked up, and put it to his ear. “Hello? What do you want, this is Kaito!”

Shouto smiled softly as his son who was using two hands to hold the phone to his ear, although he wasn’t sure if it was upside down or not. Kaito’s face lightened only by 100% and hearts only seemed to manifest in his eyes, and Shouto knew exactly who was on the other end of the call.

“MAMA, I GOT MY QUIRK TODAY! MY QUIRKY! JUST LIKE PAPA! PAPA EVEN LET ME IN ON A SECRET!” Kaito shrieked excitedly, always one to be excited to have you on the phone. “Yes mama, I didn’t get hurt! Hello, I’m a big boy with a quirk.”

Shouto flipped the salmon as he watched Kaito walking over towards him, the phone still clutched to his ear, “Well now I can be a Pro-Hero, like you and papa, and I can save you and take care of you! But yeah, here’s papa, bye! I love you.”

Kaito handed Shouto the phone, who took it with ease watching as Kaito went back to his spot to color. “Hello?” Shouto finally said after Kaito managed to climb up the chair safely.

“Why hello there my beautiful husband,” your voice immediately responds and Shouto smirks slightly.

“You jealous?”

“YOU KNOW I AM!”

“Mm. I don’t blame you, it was just as good as his first steps.”

“Don’t sound so smug!” You complained through the phone, your voice seeming defeated.

“I’m not,” Shouto laughs at your fretting as he reaches out a hand to assist Kaito with his juice box.

“I guess I’ll believe your deceptions, anyways I’m glad it happened during his school break and not during class! Could you imagine the chaos that would’ve happened if he lit the school on fire?!”

“I can only imagine, we’ll have to take him to the doctors on Friday for the actual diagnosis,” Shouto says regarding the naming of Kaito’s quirk.

“Yeah, agreed! I already made an appointment.” You inform Shouto.

“Oh?”

“Yeah! Sorry!! I was going to go anyways, and I called again to add Kaito! Also, your ass looks great today babe, I saw all the photos of the park incident.”

“Wait why do you need to go to the doctors—?”

“MAMA!” Kaito yells overly excited as Shouto watches the four-year-old scrambling off the chair and running full speed at you as you entered the house.

“Hi, my baby!” Your joyful voice rings through the house, and Shouto ends the call as he watches you, still dressed up in your costume, clutch the red-headed son close to your body as you twirled around with him in your arms.

“I got my quirk today, and it’s like papa’s, uh, his, right side? I think I can’t remember!” Kaito laughs as he throws his head back.

“Left side, baby, left side.” You day grabbing Kaito’s left arm and shaking it so that he can learn once again the difference.

Shouto watches as you walk over Kaito sitting on your waist, and you smile at your husband who presses a gentle kiss on your lips. “Welcome home,” Shouto whispers.

Much to his surprise, you rise back up to capture Shouto’s lips into another kiss, and the two of you stand there taking a long and high-emotional kiss. Shouto pulls away after hearing the sixth long sigh from Kaito who immediately wrapped his arms around your neck.

“See,” Shouto whispered to your blushing face. “We Todoroki’s are mama’s boys.”

When the three of you are finished eating dinner, which was delicious by the way, and you had changed into much more casual clothing, you all went to the backyard to play some soccer as Kaito insisted he had learned a new trick he wanted to show you. The three of you played soccer together for what felt like hours, the teams, rules, and scores always changing.

Nearing the end of the final match, Shouto had you thrown over his shoulder as he was chasing down Kaito who had abandoned all rules of soccer and was carrying the ball to the goal. “Come here Kaito-chan!” Shouto bellows softly, running at a pace quick enough to be a threat to the toddler's pace and step size, but not quick enough to catch him.

“Save me, Kaito-chan!” You cried out between laughter as you held on tightly to Shouto’s back.

Shouto smacks your butt softly as a sign that your laughter is a bit too obvious, and you pathetically kick your legs in rebuttal. “Mama, is he seducing you?!” Kaito asks shocked, he had thrown the ball far away and was circling behind to look directly into your flushed face.

“SEDUCING?!” The two parents spluttered as they had no idea how their four-year-old had that sort of vocabulary in his set. A grin broke out on Kaito’s face and then he went and grabbed your hands.

“Alright, papa, let's beat mama!” Kaito roared and Shouto shouted back in agreement as suddenly your sides were being tickled and your shrieks of laughter echoed through the quiet night.

“Goodnight, my beautiful boy.” You whisper to Kaito as you pressed a kiss to his forehead, his arms wrapping around your neck softly as he didn’t want to let go just yet. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, mama,” Kaito whispered, yawning heavily as you stood up. Shouto replaced you at the side and went to hug and kiss Kaito, who at that very moment remembered something.

Kaito, momentarily renewed with energy grabbed the piece of paper he had been secretively drawing on and thrust it forward towards Shouto, “This is us, papa! We are gonna save the world together with our fire.”

Shouto looked down at the two circle people with red fire everywhere, and he smiled softly at the written Kaito and Papa under the people as well as the drawn hearts. “Goodnight, Kaito-chan, I, uh, well, I love you so much. Thank you for this drawing, I’ll cherish it forever.” Shouto says as he pulls his son's forehead in for a kiss.

“I love you, too, papa. So much….”

You watched on with tears in your eyes for the amount of love that you could feel between the father of your child and said, child. Shouto eventually stood up, and with an arm wrapped around your waist, the two of you left while turning off the lights.

Shouto showed you the drawing as the two of you retreated to your bedroom, the overall feeling in the house right now was overwhelming love and joy. “Wow, you two are in fact the reason why I live every day.” You say as you hopped onto the bed, Shouto climbing on seconds afterward, his head on your chest as he held you close.

“I’m glad,” Shouto confesses feeling the same way as you did as he sighs softly.

“Um, Shoucchan?” You say softly, and Shouto hums in acknowledgment, too comfortable right now to even dare look at you even if he wanted to. “Well, uh, you see I have- I have something to confess…”

“You’re pregnant again, right?” Shouto says taking your overall hesitation to say what he had gathered from your doctor's appointment, refusal of a glass of alcohol, your early release home, and of course the unprotected sex that happened a few couples of times weeks ago.

“I am…”

Shouto sits up, watching your face swim with millions of emotions as in parallel to the first time you confessed. A smile covers his face and yours breaks out in one as well as far tears roll down both your cheeks, and another kiss is placed between the two of you, “Oh, I’m so glad.” He whispers against your lip as he places his warm hand against your stomach.

sorry, ive fallen in love with kaito and i cant get up D: requests are open still!!!

[sincerelyreidburke]

Right now all I need is some Rhodey and Touille fluff and maybe a little bit of angst because that's just who I am....but yeah mostly fluff

You betcha.

//

sophomore year | march

 It’s not that Ben is addicted to Minecraft. It just...... it helps him relax.

Not that he’s, like, a stressed-out person. It’s just that there’s been a whole lot of shit going on, between the recent completion of midterms and a lot of travel for games on weekends and the impending doom of having to select his major, and it’s— well. Life sometimes necessitates playing Minecraft on a Tuesday at 7 PM.

In his defense, he has nothing better to do. His homework is done, and Nando is at Quinn’s. He could go downstairs and become a functional member of society. He could eat dinner. Or he could just stay here. On his beanbag. With his hair falling in his face. Building the Lourve.

It was Remy’s idea. He was holding a stakeout in here— they both were, last weekend, waiting for Nando to get back from simpleton hours— and Ben wound up turning on his Xbox to pass the time. Remy sat down next to him and watched him open up his server, and it— it was nice. It’s always nice, with him.

Even though he talked shit about his Minecraft version of Meelia, the arena on campus. Like, come on. It’s a work of art.

Make something European, Remy had told him. So, like, fuck you, man. He’s building the entire city of Paris for him. Just to shove it in his face.

He builds with his earbuds in for a solid twenty minutes before he pauses to glance at his phone. He has a Snapchat from that one music major chick with the pink hair, and the group chat is deliberating types of pizza to order for team dinner tomorrow.

You know... whatever. He opens up his texts and sends Remy three letters. wya

Remy takes all of two seconds to respond. I’m in library

come to beech im bored :)

What’s in it for me?

money can’t buy my sparkling personality

It takes him another twenty minutes, but then the magic happens. There’s a gentle rap on his door, which is already open, and when he looks up, there’s something warm in his chest.

“Hey, duck.”

“Hi.” Remy drops his bag unceremoniously in the doorway. It’s not his backpack. It’s his overnight bag. It’s an unspoken sign that Ben now knows well; he’s sleeping here tonight. Which, like. Fine by him. That would explain the twenty minutes it took him to get over here.

“Come sit.” Ben scoots over on his beanbag. They’re experts at fitting two human beings into it. Three, sometimes, with Nando. But he’s like a human beanbag. And it’s the best.

Ben likes cricket piles. But doing it alone with Remy....... that’s different.

Remy leaves his sneakers at the door. He’s in a KMH sweatshirt and his track pants, and when he sinks down into the beanbag next to him, he smells so good. Which, yeah, is a little weird for Ben to notice. But Remy sort of always smells good. It’s the least college athlete thing about him— he has this thing about keeping up appearances.

“What are you building?” he asks, tipping his head down onto Ben’s shoulder.

It’s a simple gesture, but it gives him butterflies. Obviously, platonic snuggly bro butterflies. Not I regularly snuggle with the person I’m in love with and he’ll never even come close to returning my feelings but it’s chill because at least he likes to snuggle me butterflies.

“I’m making you a city,” he informs him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and tugging him to settle into his chest. When they’ve got the tangled thing down right, Ben can still hold his controller. “You wanna help?”

“Hold on.” Remy pauses, shifting against him a little, and then exhales. His weight is a welcome feeling. The beanbag is too small for both of them, but Ben never wants to move. “You’re making me a city?”

“Of course I am.” Ben pauses. He keeps his eyes on his screen, lest he get caught up in the snuggle. “You told me to build something European.”

Remy snorts. “I didn’t think you’d take me seriously.”

“Don’t diss my Minecraft game and expect me not to take it serious, Rem.”

“Oh.” He laughs again, this chirpy thing. “My bad.”

Ben pauses his play to ruffle his hair. Remy wraps his arm around the front of his chest.

It’s...... he could just do this. All the time. He has been doing this. For a year. But lately he hasn’t wanted to do it with anyone else, either.

He builds for a few more minutes, then saves his progress at a good spot, turns off the TV, and puts aside his controller. With both hands free, he wraps Remy up like he intends to squeeze the life out of him. Remy laughs and pounds his chest.

“Hey,” he says, with his face still resting on his shoulder. “Roughhousing.”

“I missed you today,” Ben says, as he releases him. Because of course he missed him. He always does. “How was your day?”

“It was fine.” Remy pauses. He yawns a little, pressing his face into his shoulder, and then settles back down onto his chest. “I think I might want a nap, if that’s okay with you.”

“That is totally good by me.” Ben pauses, then checks, because he has to. “But a nap at seven won’t fuck up your sleep schedule?”

Remy yawns again. “Bold of you to assume I’m not sleeping straight through the night.”

“Ducky.”

“I’m not serious, Ben.” Remy pauses, then stretches his legs out across him and announces, “I’ll just rest my eyes for a minute.”

“Okay,” Ben says, helpless, because that’s all he is.

He naps on him for an entire hour and a half, and Ben does not move once.

[pbandjesse]

I felt a lot better today. I am feeling a little off right now but I am still in a good mood. I slept good last night and woke up feeling much better. The sun was out and while I have felt a little restless, It was a nice morning. 

I had a fancy piece of cinnamon bread with apple butter for breakfast. I got word that I would have a phone call for possible work at 1. So me and James headed to the park early so I could skate around for a little while. 

I wore my knee pads this time. But I didnt actually fall. Mostly my back just hurt really bad. I skated for about a half hour and while it was a lot of fun, I am sad how much my back hurts. I skated in the tennis court because some boys were in the basketball court, so the ground wasnt as soft. But I am getting better at stopping. Still not great but better. And my crossovers are getting much stronger and that feels really nice. I did a lot of little breaks but I still skated hard and was very tired and sweaty once we got to the car. 

When we got home James helped me go through the plushies we would photograph for the webssite. Im really excited that the shop is working so smoothly on there and I got so excited tonight I have spent a few hours taking photos of some other art and updating other parts of the website. Feels really good and feels really exciting. 

James headed out for a bike ride and I waited for my work call. I am going to be starting a new placement with the Y starting on tuesday Its similar to what I was doing before but possibly more hands on? I might not have as much free time. But the schedule is 1-6 which I think is much prefered honestly. Its my old access art schedule! So well see how it goes, I dont even know if Im like the lead or an assistant or whatever.  But I might be able to bike to this location and that would be so great. Well see how it goes. 

Me and James were supposed to drive like an hour away to pick up our neighbor at 3 but she ended up needing us to come earlier. So once James got back he made a pizza bagel and we headed out. I was a little stressed because I had been told that the person from the Y would call me with more info. That didnt end up happening until we got home after 4. But we headed out and James drove the first half of the trip. 

It was a nice ride. Lots of nature. And Kim was super thankful that we would go so far out for her. But she is kind and good and so it wasnt a big deal. We helped her with all her bags and I drove us home. 

I enjoyed the drive and the talking. She has some interesting ideas about stuff, like nature and things, and I just find her soothing to listen too. But I was very pleased to go home because I hadnt eaten lunch and was feeling weak. 

I had nachos and hung out. Did some organizing. Did some photographing. Did some work on the website. James had set up all the store stuff basically. He's a great partner. He also helped me take flat stuff off the wall but were going to have to rephotograph stuff tomorrow because a lot of my flat stuff came out blurry sadly. But so far so good. I also got the nicest comment on instagram about the other art on my website and it just made me feel so nice. I love when people are kind. 

I played a little animal crossing. Had some cheese cake. And now I am ready to take a shower and get in bed. I hope I can just sleep easy. I hope you all do too. Goodnight everyone. Have a good day tomorrow!

[ditto]

wi rehab week 3 review: the Week™. i KNOW this post is long but god please read about my misfortune if yall want a Saga

current status on raccoons: clement

number of monster energy drinks consumed: 2

number of buns directly killed: 1

Days Since Last Diarrhead on: 1

Baby Raccoon Count: 150ish? probably 130 that need to be bottle fed 

new tasks performed:

baby opossum cage maintenance

baby waterfowl cage maintenance

SQ fluid administration on raccoons

SQ vaccine administration on raccoons

What To Do When Your Tire Goes Flat 101

oral medication administration on possums

CHRONOLOGICAL TALE OF MISFORTUNE: i’m not going to do this regularly but the sheer amount of bad shit that happened this week was COMICAL so let me break down everything that happened to me this work week

MONDAY 6/8

got diarrhead on during 6am raccoon feeding

straight up killed a baby rabbit during bun feeding. they stress real easily and i’m bad at tubing so i had him out for a while and he just fuckin. died. from stress. in my hands. directly because of me being bad at my job. so you know that was uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

shovelled out wet dirty woodchips out of a walk-in enclosure with like 8 goslings using a snowshovel w/ another baby intern. you can’t put a ton of woodchips into one trash bag so we had to keep changing out the trash bag and it was like 92 degrees out and we were both wearing cloth masks and on god i really thought we were gonna die in there

during the pm feeding i get peed on by the EXACT SAME RACCOON that diarrhead on me during the am feeding 

TUESDAY 6/9: the Day(tm)

i have a therapy appointment scheduled at 2pm. my shift is 6am-2pm. i’ll need to leave at 1:30pm to get to it. i tell my supervisors this. it’s chill. i still feel bad about it, because i have anxiety.

right off the bat, i get scolded by my Actual Boss for doing something i watched one of the supervising interns do 

6am raccoon feeding: get diarrhead on again. 

a rac RIPS the fucking nipple off of the baby bottle we’re feeding them with and formula gets fucking everywhere. i say out loud at this moment “IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK”. one of my supervising interns feels bad for me and keeps trying to cheer me up throughout the day. she does make me feel better.

i get dishes which is fine bc i dont mind dishes for real but my hands turn into sandpaper the day after doing dishes for 2 hours so this is more :| than :/. i make jokes about how bad my week is going. the mood is, generally, looking up.

next raccoon feeding is scheduled for noon. raccoons are housed in a separate building, so it’s about a 5 minute drive to get there from the main area. we get ready to leave around 1pm. recap: i need to leave at 1:30pm for a therapy appointment. i’m planning on driving my own car down there so i can do this. it’s chill.

on my way down there, i start hearing the most godawful screeching of metal. i am, quote, “like uhhh.” when i open the gate to turn onto the highway, i stick my head out the window to look

my tire is flat.

i have a flat tire.

my fucking tire is FLAT dude.

>mfw

>

>

pull over after gate

tell the staff member following me “hey i have a flat tire so im probably not going to make it down to feed today” and shes like flkdjsalfksd okay

call the ONE supervising intern whose number i have, who is the one who heard me say IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK, like GUESS WHICH BITCH HAS A FLAT TIRE LMFAOOOOOOO. just making that one call was the funniest fucking thing that’s ever happened in my entire life

to quote her verbatim: “i guess you are having a bad week”

call my dad, who as it turns out was actively teaching a class when i called, so i am well and truly facked and am DEFINITELY not making this therapy appointment

ok. take a deep breath. check my car. i have a donut in my car. i have not changed a tire in three years, and have never changed one in the scenario of I Have A Flat Tire. fack. relay this to the one supervising intern whos number i know (i’m going to call her supervising intern 1 going forward here). ask her if anyone knows how to change a tire. 

supervising intern 1 calls back. apparently there’s a guy who lives on the same property we’re on named donnie. donnie is a maintenance worker who helps out a lot around the rehab place. donnie can help me change my tire. apparently someone currently down feeding raccoons is going to come pick me up and bring me over there so i can continue to feed raccoons until donnie can fix my tire. 

get call from supervising intern 2, whose number i did not have, apparently it got relayed. i ask her if anyone down there can change a tire. she says she can change a tire. she will help me change my tire she finishes on raccoon feeding. ok sounds good. someone is still going to come pick me up.

get call back 10 minutes later. apparently donnie is in the middle of a field right now and it is unlikely that he can fix my tire. someone is still going to come get me to feed raccoons, maybe. i tell her supervising intern 2 can help me change my tire after we finish our shift. she says thats fine. ok cool sick.

try to call therapist. i have no signal. send email which is, verbatim: “Hey! I'm currently on the the side of of the the road in [TOWN 30 MILES AWAY] with a flat tire, so I'm not going to make our appointment today. If we could reschedule for sometime soon, that would be great.” signal is bad, so this ends up being sent at 3pm.

(ALSO I LEARNED ABOUT THIS TODAY BUT APPARENTLY IN THE TIMELINE THERE’S A FIGHT HERE BETWEEN SUPERVISING INTERNS 1 AND 2 OVER HOW THE SITUATION IS PLAYING OUT WHICH IS EQUAL PARTS HILARIOUS AND “MAKES ME FEEL BAD”)

one of the other baby interns comes to pick me up and bring me down to racs. i walk in like AYYYYYYY and start feeding raccoons.

i get diarrhead on again.

i get diarrhead on again again. 

apparently 3 in one day is a record.

my shift is supposed to end at 2pm. we usually end up staying until 2:15-2:30ish, because that’s usually when the other team gets down here. since supervising intern 2 is currently my savior, she is going to drive me back over when the other team gets here and she leaves. other baby interns leave at 2:15ish, i think. 

the other team is, apparently, running late. they get here at 3pm.

supervising intern 2 drives me back over at 3pm. we get to my car.

the donut is on.

the tire is in the trunk.

apparently donnie was, in fact, able to come change my tire. no one told me this. 

im like ok. this is fine. i tell supervising intern 2 thank u for my life. i leave.

my donut has a 50mph max speed limit. i tell google maps to avoid highways on my way home. this turns my 30 minute drive home into a 50 minute one, and still ends up with me being terrifyingly tailgated by trucks for going 10 miles under the speed limit. i almost, but do not, run out of gas on the way home.

i get home around 4:10pm. i call the auto shop across the street from me and tell them i have a flat tire, but i need the car by 6am tomorrow. do they think they can have it fixed by then. they tell me to bring it over and they’ll let me know.

i bring the car over. i give them my keys. i say thank you and leave.

i realize that my garage door opener is in my car, which is now locked. i have no other way into the house, because our garage door keypad has been broken for 2 years. the sliding glass door in the backyard is locked.

i walk back into the auto shop 5 minutes later and ask in the Polite But Obviously Having A Day tone if i can have my keys back so i can get it. i get my garage door opener out of my car. i give the keys back.

i enter my home. i lay spread-eagled on my bed for one hour.

auto place calls back and tells me they fixed the tire. im like did you replace it or did u fix it. theyre like we fixed it come on over. i almost cry on the phone.

go back over. guy is like “ya u ran over a screw LOL”. gives me my keys back. i wait to pay

after a bit hes like “you dont have to pay anything. this is on the house.”

almost cry

thank him

get car

go home

eat

shower

go to bed at 8pm 

WEDNESDAY (6/10)

everyone at work is immediately like AYYY and in general just very nice about the whole thing. i thank everyone involved for helping. its chill

dont get diarrhead on this feeding but i do get bit for like NO got dam reason what the fack

next up is cleaning juvenile cages and i swear to god i get the nastiest. fucking. raccoon cage i have ever seen in my entire life. there was an...i wanna say eigth-of-an-inch thick layer of raccoon diarrhea across this 2 foot x 4 foot cage

like on GOD the smell was so bad i was gagging through a goddamn cloth mask just. oh my god. i had to just go stand outside and stare into the abyss afterwards for a few minutes it was so NASTY IT WAS SO NASTY

mercifully, i am spared from further misfortune for the rest of the day. i come home. i am so tired.

WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THAT SUPERVISING INTERN 1 HAD SUCH BAD LUCK FEEDING RABBITS TODAY SO LIKE...my luck is contagious 

notes and observations

anyone who is anti-euthanasia in animal shelters and any other large-scale animal welfare places in general can absolutely suck my dick

most other baby animals will generally have various stages of “baby x”, but opossums look like Adults Except Tiny from a very early age. they have stolen my heart.

birds are poopy little creatures

[la-anarchy]

yall im so upset

i dropped my bike off at a well known dealership in mass to get the fork seals and wheel bearings replaced last Tuesday. my appointment was for that Wednesday so i dropped it off a day early that way it was there and they could get to it asap. well i didnt hear back from them on Wed so Thur i called and was told it was next to go on the lift i said awesome. so Fri after work i called to see what was up. The parts counter guy informed me that that my bike needed fork seals and wheel bearings (and also a front caliper and brake which i told him id just do myself to save some money) . ............. i was like yea i know thats what i told yall when i scheduled the appointment two weeks ago and re- told yall again when i brought it in. the guy tells me “oh okay well the mechanic was just gunna do it all and call you when its done”. I was like “well i didnt ask for the caliper and the brake to be done so how long till the seals and the bearing are finished”? he tells me that they have to order the parts and itll be done Monday (yesterday). i said okay and that was that. So yesterday i was up in MA visiting my grandparents (they live close to the shop my bike is at) and after being with them all day i figured id give the shop a call because it was close to closing time for them and i still havent heard anything yet. i call and was told the parts still havent come in yet and i would get a call back in a few min after they find out where the parts are at. i say okay. well i never got a call back so i called today. i was told they dont make aftermarket seals and bearings for my bike and they were gunna have to order parts direct from Kawasaki and it was gunna be a lot more money. so i call a shop closer to home and guess what they can have the parts for me day after tomorrow except for one part that has to come from kawai. yall i call the shop that my bike is at and was like listen yall have had my bike for over the time yall were supposed to have it and im just gunna buy the parts myself and have yall put it in for me the guy was pissed but like wtf man. im just super mad because i was supposed to go to Laconia bike week on sat with my buddy and now im not gunna be able to go because this shop couldnt call me to tell me they couldnt get the parts in on time to get the job done. its such a let down honestly.

[dr-gloom]

im so fucking pissed off right now

im in the second week of my current clinical placement, and my supervisor sent me an email essentially outlining how im failing to meet her expectations, and acting like its 100% my fault

1) she said what i wore to clinic (a plain t-shirt and dark-wash jeans) wasn’t appropriate, because the clinic’s policy says i have to wear like, business casual. but when we first met, she told me to wear clothes i can move around in because we’d be working some early intervention, so that’s my whole intent with my dresscode. she said she now expects me to adhere to the dress code i JUST HEARD ABOUT from here on out, giving me only a few hours to buy an entirely new wardrobe since ive gained weight and dont own “professional” clothes ((im extra pissed off because half of her coworkers walk around in leggings and graphic tees but yknow wtfv))

2) she said she was “surprised” (code for angry/disappointed) when i told her i hadn’t had the time to plan for the two measely activities i said i would handle today. and yeah, i get that, my bad. but then, she goes “and when i gave you an hour to plan for wednesday and you instead went home, i was further surprised”. when i TOLD her, point-blank, “sorry, i have to run home and take care of something before class” (by which i meant i was bleeding all over my boxers, but she didnt need to know that)

3) the straw that broke my goddamn back. for some reason, the charter school she works at on fridays was closed last week, so i lost out on like 3 hours of clinic time. my prof. says we have to get 10 hrs/week to meet our fieldwork goal by the end of the semester, but since i have an excess of hours from my last site i was gonna ask her if its okay if i dont always meet the 10/week. i didnt have the chance to ask last tuesday, so i have to ask tomorrow. due to me leaving a little early today, i will only get 9.5 hours this week. so my supervisor says “due to the schedule change last week and you leaving early this week, you havent been meeting your 10 hour requirements. since i have not heard back about what your professor thinks, im going to assume you need 10/week to pass the class, and i expect you to do so”. 

and okay

i fucking lost it

because this is the bitch who is responsible for me only getting 6.5 last week, and who is responsible for me only scraping by at 10/week because she needs her clients’ permission to let me participate. 

this is also the bitch who said “oh you have the next two mondays off because next monday is a holiday and the one after that is my birthday, and im not working on my birthday lmao”

so yeah, im fucking mad

[nicoleatrandom-blog]

7 Quick Self-Care Tips You Can Fit Into Even the Busiest Schedule

i’ve really got to work on shortening these titles. 

Welcome to Thursday, friends! We’ve almost made it through the week, so you may find yourself in need of some quick relief to the stress of your everyday routine -- or perhaps even those things which have not gone your way recently. 

Self-care is an important thing that many of us forgo in the interest of working, homework, taking care of children and family, or any of the other many obligations we face on a day-to-day basis. Self-care becomes even more important when we are stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, or angry — and I’m sure there are a million other instances in which we need to prioritize self-care. 

Maybe a lot of the reason we let self-care opportunities pass us by is because we think it will be too time consuming; the thing is, self-care doesn’t have to be taking time out to get a mani-pedi or a massage or a facial. It doesn’t have to be finding a sitter to get some alone time. It doesn’t have to be taking a mental health day from work and using those precious paid-time-off hours. 

I’ve compiled a list of seven things you can do to take care of yourself without taking too much extra time in the day or forcing your schedule to come to a complete halt. Do yourself a favor — read the list, then pick one or two to focus on for the next week or month. Obviously this list isn’t going anywhere, so feel free to come back to it anytime, and don’t forget to share your favorite on-the-go self-care tips in the comments! 

Have a hot beverage. This seems so simple it’s silly, but I’m serious. Make yourself a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. My go-to lately has been hot chocolate. Don’t forget that hot lemon water in the mornings! Put it in a to-go cup and continue on about your day while you drink it, or do what my friend Ashley does and pour into your favorite mug, have a seat, and put that to-do list on the backburner for a few minutes. I’ll tell you a secret: the list will still be there when you’re done. Crazy, right! The warm, coziness of having your favorite warm beverage will help to calm your nerves and soothe the tension of the day — and you know, no one said you can’t add a little grown-up juice, right? A little Bailey’s in your coffee, a hot toddy. Although, if you’re driving, at work, or taking care of kids, you might want to save the grown-up juice for later. 

Give your face a little extra care. I know, we’re talking about things that don’t take that much time, but hear me out. You’ve got to wash your face at night or in the morning anyway, right? Instead of your usual routine, throw a mask in there. The beauty industry has a whole range of face masks for purchase, and there are some that are not all that expensive. I’ve done masks that have to stay on anywhere from five to twenty minutes, so it depends on how much extra time you want to use. A five minute mask could be a good slow down for a hectic morning, but a twenty-minute mask can set while you get the kids ready, choose your outfit, or get your lunch together. Or, if you work the mask into your nighttime routine, it’s a great day to just close your eyes, put on your favorite music, and unwind from the day. Personally, I really enjoy Feeling Beautiful masks, which come in a one/two time use packages, or in a tube just under five dollars which lasts forever. Or, if an overnight mask is your thing, try Bliss’s What A Melon Overnight Mask. No affiliations here, just making some suggestions for masks that make me feel calm and pretty. 

Get up, make up, show up. Personally, nothing makes me feel more at ease than knowing I’ve beat my own mental blocks. Getting out of bed when I’d rather sleep a little longer, putting on a cute outfit when I would rather just throw on jeans and a t-shirt, putting on a full face of makeup (for me, this is less than others) and going to work when I just want to stay home bare-faced — if I can conquer that, I know I can conquer the rest of my day. 

It’s just one thing. When you’ve got a long list of things to do but you’re overwhelmed, the first thing you need to do is prioritize those things. What absolutely needs to be done today, and what can be moved to tomorrow or later in the week, or even next week? Once you’ve moved out things that are not required to be completed today, look at what you have left, how they’re prioritized, and just do one thing at a time. Don’t think about the x-number of things that are on the list, think about the thing that’s highest priority. Do that, cross it off the list, then do the next thing. Rinse, repeat. We get so caught up in getting things done that we tend to overwhelm ourselves at time. The thing is, life is hard enough, and, some days, we just don’t need to make it any harder. Simplify your to-do list, and take it from there. 

Eat what makes you happy. This one, you have to be careful. If you’re overwhelmed every day for a month, having tacos every day for a month might not be the best idea. But every now and then, forget the diet/healthy eating lifestyle, and get you some tacos — or whatever it is that makes you happy. Take that little bit of pressure off yourself and eat what you want. You’ll be surprised at how much just that one less thing makes a difference! Bonus #5 Info: There are foods that might actually improve your mood and mindset, and keep you healthy! Bananas, berries, quinoa, dark chocolate, green tea, apples … there’s more on the list, but these are just a few that will help to improve your mood and are relatively healthy. Google “food that makes you happy” and you’ll find even more options! 

Ask for help. Perhaps one of the most difficult things to do! We’ve been trained to have it together, to get things done, and to not burden others with our problems. I’m here to tell you, asking for help does wonders for my anxiety/stress. It’s okay to share your load with others, as long as you’re not taking advantage of them. That’s why we have family, why we have friends — and it lets them know that when they’re the ones who are stressed/overwhelmed/whatever the case may be, they can come to us for a return on the favor. 

Rock out like there’s no tomorrow. There’s no denying the calming effect of music. Play it while you complete your cleaning for the day or on the way home from dropping your kids at school or while you finish your errands for the day. Sing-along, shamelessly, and without caring what anyone else thinks. You’re taking care of you, and that’s all that’s important in that moment. 

Like I said, just a few things I’ve found that help me through days when the hours or even minutes seem insurmountable. What are your go-to quick self-care tips? Drop them in the comments below! 

I’ll see you (hopefully) Tuesday with a new post, and until then, keep moving forward. 

[flyingcookierambles]

random rant bc i got scheduled to work retail today and tomorrow ugh :))))))))))))

bluh i thought that i would have tomorrow off at least but i got scheduled to work retail :( learning it like sapped all my energy for the rest of today (got off work at 11:30 am) so i just like. laid in bed waiting for time to pass for tomorrow so i can go back to work and then finally have proper “free time” + monday off of my 2nd job for new years

worked thanksgiving, christmas eve, new years eve and now working new years day ugh (+ halloween if you want to count it?) im so tired every time i think i’ll get off work for a public holiday (admittedly halloween doesnt count in this group recognized for govt workers (+random temps like me), i just get scheduled to work at my 2nd job in retail

7 days a week basically 45-50 hours a week for like 3 months straight uughgurohagouha

at least i kinda get tuesday off so like wow a 2 day weekend altho that ones kinda bc i messed up the end date of my contract, i thought it would be the last day of jan, not jan 1st bluh my boss already scheduled me and everything too bc the director/my boss’ boss didnt tell her and/or my manager/contact/agent at my temp company didnt tell either of them like i really dont know whats up with the communication issues here like even if i said that my last day was Jan 1st shouldnt my boss’ boss/my original boss/the director of the entire program in our county have said “last day of January? i thought that (temp agent) said that you would only be here until jan 1st?”

uughuhgauorhoehgeohgoghehgoehgonboheagohoheroirjkgahrigooghoe

ughguhuhuhergijhe

i just

wanna lay down

and like maybe later put in some time off requests for my retail job. you have to put them in like. 3 weeks in advance at least. its crazy bruh. but at least i can get a weekend off. i actually made the weekend before christmas time off so i did have a single full 2 day weekend of nothing but i then forgot to request time off for this weekend then i looked at my google calendar going back 2 years and they had never scheduled me to work at this time before and im just like whatttt we have people to work the store its  retail theres always a high turn-over and temps and people here for the holiday season why couldnt they have scheduled someone else uuhgh

anyways i guess ill play video games until like 11:50 pm, go downstairs to see the ball drop, and then return to video games in my cave room ughhhhhh why is this day so looooooong