#and now im rerewriting

[bingus-bing-bong]

I made the mistake of thinking I could easily tramsfer an old fanfic from 2016 from my files to AO3 to orphan and finally be free of but my folly is I never finished it. I wrote 3/4 and the ending but not that last section. So very full of hubris I thought I would quickly finish it up.

I am now 2 full rewrites deep and shes grown triple the word length.

[azixcel]

i lost the post i was trying to make so i might as well just ramble as long and bad written as i want to at the moment

all of my right-after/while-watching andor thoughts look ridiculous without context because i used nicknames for each character – my friends i was freaking out to /might/ watch a show later, and i definitely know that our little brains work really different, so the chance of them having the same associations are really low, – and when i revisit them while doing more-detailed-and-just-better notes it is always funny to see "no no NO NOT THE HOBBIT" or "the wolf is actually a fucking werewolf" or "wet fox. he's a wet fox. he's a wet fox that was dumped in the cold water and i don't even know if that is a thing but it makes sense really". Also, yes, syril carn is an "archaic siren system".

and then i have like two telegram limits that i wrote while i paused the scene and just decided to write this shit down and oh my god. oh my god. oh my god there are a lot of them. oh my god i need to rewrite this shit and then maybe rerewrite this shit.

but, okay, the main thing: this is the only fiction that made me write anything this year or made me actually happy in a way when you have something new to genuinely freak to your friends about for more than one dialog/mention or made me think and feel things long after i watched it. it is the only thing ever that had me frozen in fear, delight, horror and utter happiness at the same moment. it is the only thing that lives in my head now and im not complaining, like i do about those things often, im happy. it is the only thing that gave me a reminder of my own thoughts from 2021, when i texted my friend "please, if you can, remind me than i will decide that all this actually not that bad and that i can live with it if i will just close my eyes", because this is exactly what andor will be to me if i will ever need one. and it also gave me a tool that i use to talk about those things to my parents when they are watching with me – from 'from these scenes you can tell vel actually only really cares about cinta, and cares deeply, no, they are not just friends, look, it is told right here" to "can we talk about repression tactics of the empire" because when you give everything some cosmos and fantastical, but fabulously made explicit descriptions of what comes after some words are spoken it is suddenly okay to talk about things and make connections between them and reality and sometimes on those small watching sessions even some "yeah actually... this is what they talk like, isn't it/huh, this is awful/this makes sense" will appear and every time it happens i want to positively cry. it gave me hope and im so, so grateful to it.