#and now im almost 21 never had a partner and never had someone interested in me like at all (well besides that anon ly anon)

[argentinagp]

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[justoneacatperson]

First Date

This is reupload from my old blog!

request by @therealpotatobish

TodoDeku x Fem! Reader

Date with Todoroki and Midoriya is, to put it mildly - chaos. Where do I start?

First we have Todoroki. Very handsome young man with two-tone hair and eyes. We all know that Shoto is not familiar with many things, his childhood was not very colorful and rosy, not at all.

He has not seen his parents take care of each other or behave like a couple, so he is not very familiar with how to treat a person he likes.

He didn’t even realize he liked Midoriya when he was still a student at U.A. It was good that there were his sister to explain to him what those feelings were.

We have already seen that he takes things seriously and does not understand jokes or metaphors, so it takes time to work with him.

Certainly his relationship with Izuku helped him a lot. He showed him what love, care and empathy are, but for him things are complicated again. He and Izuku will date a woman, a woman they have been in love with since their school years in the U.A. Shoto doesn’t know how to treat a woman and what they would like.

We also have the next one, namely Midoriya. Our broccoli boy has remained the same shy young man, despite his fame as the new No.1 hero, this part of him has not changed.

He would certainly do better than Todoroki, but his still shy nature worries him that he won’t be able to talk to you.

They are both worried about your reaction to everything. They have never heard that you like someone, nor have there been rumors that you are with someone, they didn’t even know if you like boys !? Nevertheless, you accepted their invitation to a date, at least they managed to make it clear that they were inviting you to a date, a DATE, and you were fine with that.

Now was the date where they would know if they had a chance with you, and here they were, sitting at the reserved table, waiting for you to come.

21:27p.m

Deku kept a close eye on his watch, looking at every minute. They had arrived about ten minutes ago and were sitting nervously at the table, well, Izuku was moving nervously, and Shoto was sitting meekly, staring at one dot, trying to keep his mind tidy and clear.

-“She will come, Midoriya, our dateis at 9:30p.m.” Todoroki exclaimed, grabbing his boyfriend’s hand under the table to reassure him.

-“Ah, I know, Shoto-san, but that doesn’t make me any less nervous.” the green-haired man replied, smiling at his partner. -“We have been waiting for a long time for the chance to invite her and the fact that she agreed and now we will have a date makes me feel surreal. It’s as if I’ve finally reached a goal that I thought was impossible. It’s very strange that happens, I still consider it unrealistic.”

The two-colored man looked at him with surprised heterochromic eyes. Despite their years together, the things they went through could not be compared to that. And the fact that Deku feels that way surprises him. He is also surprised that he was able to describe how he felt too.

It felt like he was 17 again in his 2nd year at U.A. When he shared his feelings to Midoriya. Confused, scared, excited. He never believed that he would fall in love or be able to be a partner, the love of someone else.

A small smile crept across his face. Todoroki leaned over to his partner, leaning his head on his shoulder. Their physique has changed and evolved over the years. Already in his mid-twenties, Deku had grown much taller than his school years. He was now towering over Shoto.

Midoriya smiled, leaning against Shoto, planting a kiss on his white and red hair.  The two parted, looking up at a door that could be heard opening and closing. 20:30, you arrived just in time.

You looked around the restaurant in confusion, looking for your table. Midoriya instinctively raised his hand, waving at you and shouting. -“(Y/n)-chan!” you looked up at them, a wide smile appeared on your face, bringing butterflies into the stomachs of both heroes.

-“Hey, Deku, Sho!” you replied, going to them.

Midoriya wanted to make a good impression by taking your jacket and pulling your chair backward to sit, but you came like a whirlwind, sitting hastily in the seat in front of them. Obviously there will be no good first impression.

-“Oh, I was in such a hurry so as not to be late.” you started, removing your jacket, leaving it on the back of the chair. - “I was nervous not to be late because there was a traffic jam on the road. After I managed to park it took me time to find the restaurant and…”

Deku waved his arms in front of him, trying to reassure you that you weren’t late, sharing his own worries about not being late. So you two became a muttering mess, and Todoroki rested his chin on his hand, happily watching the scene in front of him. Cute.

-“You are not late, you have nothing to worry about.” the two-colored man called out of nowhere, stopping you and Izuku.

-“It’s good to know.” you said calmly, leaving your hands on the table. -“Long time no see.”

-“Since our graduation in the U.A.” added the green-haired man, rubbing the back of his head.

-“What’s happen with you? I last heard you joined Selkie’s agency.” you nodded in agreement to Shoto.

-“Yes, my quirk would be very welcome in sea battles.”

-“Are you adapting fast?” Deku asked cheerfully.

-“Yes, the hero Manual is there too. We have some pretty similar quirks, so he was so kind to help me adapt.” you replied, controlling the water in your glass with your quirk, making it take the shape of a snake and move along the walls of your glass in a circle.

-“This is very good.” exclaimed the hero, tying his hands on the table.

They both felt a little awkward, not knowing how to continue the conversation, fortunately the waitress saved them by giving them the menus. You opened the menu of hard leather covers, looking at the variety of foods.

-“Oh, hey, Sho, they have a cold soba.” you said excitedly, showing him the menu on the first page.

-“So I’ll order a cold soba.” the two-colored man replied before receiving muttering from Midoriya.

-“But, Sho, we have a whole pot full of soba!” you laughed at their interaction, attracting their attention.

-“What?” they both asked at the same time.

-“Nothing, you just haven’t changed since we graduated from the U.A.” you said with a laugh. Deku giggled too, smiling at you.

-“What do you mean? We look the same way we did 7 years ago?” Todoroki asked confusedly, looking at himself and his boyfriend and again to himself. You and Izuku looked at each other and almost fell from your seats with your boisterous laughter. -“Ah?”

-“O-oh…. Sho!” tears formed in the corners of your eyes, wiping them with your hand. -“You’re still funny!”

-“Funny?”

-“Yes.” the green-haired man replied, leaning his head on his partner’s shoulder.

The three of you ordered a teishoku, receiving it in about 30 minutes. Everyone enjoy their food before Todoroki calls.

-“(Y/n), do you see our old class?” you swallowed your food before answering.

-“Yes, even with some very often.” you said, playing with your chopsticks, twisting them between your fingers and doing tricks with them. -“Most often I go out with Kaminari, by some chance it turned out that we work in the same agency.”

-“Kaminari-san?” Deku exclaimed, looking at you in astonishment. You nodded, uttering a little “Uhm.”

-“All right, that’s nice! We haven’t heard from Denki.”

-“Are you close to each other?” Shoto asked, taking another bite of his meal.

-“I’d say yes. We go out often, we message to each other, he’s very cute. He’s also grown a lot from UA, he’s become more responsible and he controls his quirk much better. We have a lot of fun together. We have dinners for us, in which we are on the couch at my or his home and eating popcorn while watching scary movies. "you said with a smile on your face.

-"Oh, I understand…” Todoroki replied, bowing his head over his food, hiding his face through his hair, which he had left to grow for reaching a length where he could tie it in a bun.

Izuku reached under the table, gripping his boyfriend’s thigh, rubbing it lightly to offer support. He knew his boyfriend’s lack of confidence in relationships. He has always worried about whether he is doing well as a partner and doing everything right.

Talking about a boy (and you’re not the person who talks a lot or often about people, especially boys), who is the opposite of his personality and sees that you’re really having fun with him, feels like someone hit him with wet rag across the face.

-“And you guys…” you called, bringing them both back to reality. -“How are you? The press is very interested in your relationship.” you smiled slyly.

-“So… After we graduated from UA, Shoto and I went to Endeavor’s agency, as his partners in catching villains. That was until we turned 22, All Might offered to take his agency… And I took it.” he replied, scratching the back of his head where his undercut was. -“The press found out about my relationship with Todoroki when I took the agency and there were hundreds of news stories that said, ‘Hero No.1 is in a relationship with Endeavor’s son’.”

-”O!?”

-“Yes, and still receives dozens of emails a day, invitations for interviews about our relationship.”

-“It’s too much for you. The press hasn’t learned for so many years that the heroes have a private life that they usually keep to themselves and don’t want to make it public. The personal space of the heroes must be respected.” you said and turned to Todoroki. -“And for so many years as a pro-hero, people have kept leading you the 'son of Endeavor,’ and that’s all you’re known for.”

-“It’s annoying.” Todoroki replied, making you and Deku giggle a little.

-“Well, those are just words from older people in Japan.” the green-haired man exclaimed, rubbing his boyfriend’s thigh. -“I am sure that the young generation will remember you with your name and your deeds.”

-“You’re right.” said his partner.

-“Ah, (Y/n)-san, do you happen to be in a relationship or dating someone?” Midoriya asked you. Shoto immediately ran one hand under the table, squeezing his thigh - too early, Midoriya.

-“O!?” you opened your eyes wide to them from the sudden question. -“No, I’m not in a relationship, I’m not dating anyone. Why do you ask?”

-“Uhhh…” and now was the scariest part of this meeting - to tell you. Shoto looked at Izuku out of the corner of his eye, looking for an answer as to what to do. -“With Shoto we wanted to ask you something…”

-“Yes…” you said under your breath.

-“Would you like to be with us?” Todoroki asked suddenly, leaning back in his chair.

You and Deku looked shocked at the two-colored man. You dropped your chopsticks as you watched Sho like you saw a ghost. Izuku immediately started waving his arms, trying to reassure you, saying that they were not forcing you to be in relationship with them, that they would not be in a hurry, that they would not be angry if you refused, and ect.

It just took you a moment to process Shoto’s question. They wanted to date you? Really? You were like close friends during your school years, but you didn’t think they had any other than platonic feelings about you. They were both open and comfortable, both shy and anxious around you or when talking to you. You wouldn’t be lying if you said you didn’t have feelings for them in the U.A., but once you found out they were in a relationship, it discouraged you a lot.

-“So?” Todoroki called again.

-“Sho, calm down, give her ti…”

-“Yes.” you replied, getting “Uh!?” from them. - “I accept, I would like to date you.”

-“Really?” Midoriya asked in surprise.

-“Yes…” you said, tying your hands on the table. -“I would just ask for time to get used to, as this will be my first relationship in my life, especially with more than one person.”

-“We’ll give you all the time you need.” Todoroki said, taking your hand in his. Where did you get this confidence? - Izuku wondered.

-”Thanks.”

-“So… should we continue our dinner to celebrate our relationship?” the green-haired man asked cheerfully.

-“Yes!” you and Shoto answered at the same time.

[theultimatefanficwriter]

My Ships!

Hey guys! So currently it's late at night and I wanna write something to help me sleep. So here I am on my phone quickly writing out all my ships down so you guys can see what a loser I am lol.

Now feel free to discuss your opinions, but dont start any ship wars or bash anyone's ships, alright? Cool! So here we go! Each ship will have a short explanation as to why I ship it. And they are in order from favorite to least, though my least favorite is still one I like.

Ishimondo-This is my biggest comfort ship. I love enemies to lovers so much and these two idiots are just...such a beautiful tragedy.

Saimota-Can someone say bromance? Like please they were flirting so hard it hurts. They are dating your honor.

Saimatsu-Please the way she was able to motivate him? Even after death she helped him improve. They had such chemistry from the very beginning.

SakurAoi-Yeah yeah Sakura has a bf whatever. But they technically werent dating yet cause they were waiting til Kenshiro got well. So...LES GO LESBIANS! Hina was about to commit murder suicide for her boo. Literally lovers.

HaruKaito-So even besides the fact Maki straight up confesses, I disagree with people saying they dont have chemistry. They're adorable and Kaito opens her up to people. This ship is adorable af.

Tokomaru-Similair to Kaito and Maki! Komaru helped Toko be a better person! Like I hated Toko at first, but after UDG, shes a top tier favorite. This ship is too cute.

Soudam-Again I love enemies to lovers. Idgaf if they never show romantic interest in each other shut up. They're beautiful bastards, both of them.

Fuyupeko-...do...do I really need to explain? Just play the second chapter again lol.

Hinanami-Im not a big fan of Hajime. In fact hes my least fave protag. But I think the way they interact and the way he is around Chiaki is too fucking cute.

Sondam-They had the more obvious chemistry in the game, and I love Sonia with Gundham. They fit each perfectly, having similar interests. Plus how sad she was when he died? 😭

Kiiruma-Ok so they're a perfect fit right? Kiibo was one of the only ones to even care when Miu died, and Miu seemed to care about Kiibo. Yeah because she could upgrade him, but I feel theres more there!

Naihiro-Now this is a rare pair. I think the two of them are very cute and soft boys, so they relate to each other. Theyd be a very sweet couple.

Akanidai-Nekomaru literally died to protect Akane, and took two bazookas to the chest for her. They were inseparable. Case closed. They cute.

Daiyakure-Another rarepair. It's hard to ship Hiro with people cause you'll get hit with the "hes 21 and they're underage" argument. But with Daiya Oowada, you can say hey, fuck you! Theres literally no interactions between them. It's almost a crack ship. But I love it more than I should.

Naekure-Another Hiro ship, but this one can be justified by saying they start dating after they escape the game and they know they're both adults. I think Makoto would be a decent balance to Hiro's...everything.

Togakure-Same logic as with Makoto as to when they get together. Byakuya would be able to deal with his idiot enough to calm him down slightly. Plus it would be a funny contrast.

Ishikure-Ok now this is a bit harder to explain. I see it more as they were dating before the mind wipe, and in survivor aus theyd date again. I just think Hiro being the only one to care about him after ch 2 is sweet and that the two would be cute.

Hagekureon-Same reasoning as with Taka;Hiro and Leon were dating before the game and/or they date in survivor aus. I think the two idiots together would be an interesting combo, like with Ishimondo.

Naegami-Finally, back to well known ships!😅 So Byakuya clearly cares for Makoto even if he tries to hide it. He'd be a good partner to Makoto, if not a bit tsundereish.

Kuzusouda-Fuyuhiko was like the only one to try to curb Kazuichi's simping, and they have a nice friendship in the anime(from what I've seen and heard, havent seen all of it😅)so I think Fuyu would be able to help Kaz accept himself.

Asakure-Once again, getting together after game. My friend put it as "the two idiots getting together. Its cute." And hes not wrong lol Despite Hina being slightly smarter and the fact she bullied Hiro a bit in game, I can see them working off each other nicely.

Goshi-Firstly I just love the striking difference in their heights. It's funny as hell to me lmao. But secondly I think Gonta's sincereness and kindness could eventually break through to Ryoma and help him realize he isnt unlovable, and he is worth something.

Twobuki-I just think Ibuki's constant praise and lowkey flirting with Twogami is adorable, especially given his...size. Usually people would make a character like that completely unlovable, so the fact she was seen doting on him so much is adorable.

BandAid-Now I normally dont ship killers and victims. It just doesnt feel right to me. But given Mikan was more or less brainwashed into doing it, i kinda give this ship a pass. Plus i think Ibuki could help her be more confident in herself and stop letting others use her.

Soapies-I dont really like either of these characters, thus why its last on the list, but I think Mahiru is the only one who could "tame" Hiyoko, for lack of a better word. She could help her stop being a bully and actually open up to others. Plus they both care a lot about each other. It's cute. Its sweet.

So that's my list! It might grow, and if it does I'll reblog this post to add onto it! Feel free to give your opinions on it, but remember: no ship wars!

Alright imma go pass out now! Good night guys! Lol

[autisticzukka]

what is this hakoda zuko arranged marriage you speak of? i am intrigued

okay so the long story short is that it’s a slight rebuttal of a popular post that is very fun but i find like... unrealistic in a really intriguing way like, how would this ACTUALLY play out. I’ve talked about it at length in my server a few times, and it’s one of those AU’s -- like the genderbend zukka ATLA rewrite or the zukki fic that starts with sokka failing to assassinate zuko -- that lives rent free in my head and I’ve written a couple thousand words for.

tw for like VERY unrequited zuko in love with hakoda and the inherent comedy of sokka being in love with his fire nation stepmom.

so here’s hakoda, chief of the southern water tribe, happily not-married to Bato. and here is a more balanced war, where the north and the south are actually  allies, rather than whatever the fuck they were in ATLA. Yue already has a fiance and the Northern chief refuses to remarry. that leaves hakoda responsible for biting the bullet and doing a political marriage even though, as he points out at length, he is an elected official and if he stops being elected it’s no longer a marriage with the chief of the south pole. intelligently but mostly selfishly motivated (yue’s fiance is his nephew, after all) pakku points out that its not like the fire nation knows... that. the fire nation is dumb. ozai’s stupid.

faced with such inarguable points hakoda stiffens his upper lip, pre-emptively ends things with bato on the understanding that if this is another kya situation they’ll get back together and that he’s still the most important person to him but the tribe comes first yada yada, and deals with katara throwing the mother of all tantrums. it is slightly softened by the fact that in return for him marrying the fire nation noble, a thing everyone can agree isn’t traditional, the north has finally agreed to train katara. she heads out before the wedding, in protest but also so as to not cause an international incident.

(on her way, she’ll find aang. with the war less dire, katara will be sympathetic towards his desire to live without committing violence, even if she deeply can’t relate. they’ll have a hot girl romcom summer of self discovery and coming to terms with the dichotomy between duty and love as they become master benders. at some point they pick up toph. they ARE a throuple.)

sokka meanwhile is like.. not cool with it.. but ? kind of relieved? like. he’s the eldest kid. he’s 18, and he’s been a man of the tribe as far as legalities for several years. it would have been entirely understandable if his dad had asked HIM to do it. he had his emotionally crushing romance with yue, and as much as he was like ‘im kind of a prince’, he finds he doesn’t actually want some of the responsibilities and demands that would bring. yue’s life sucks.

back in the fire nation, zuko never demanded a quest and never went on it. he’s spent years hardening into something that, while brittle, can survive the pressures of the court around him. he still has his scar. he still wants his father to love him, but he knows by now that it’s not something he’s capable of earning. he watches his sister, never the most stable person, start to have complete breakdowns of sanity once she hits puberty, and helps her cover for it and receive medical treatment on the down low. he’s the heir, but he lives knowing that if he was ever in a position to inherit his choices are to abdicate or have the baby sister who he raised kill him and destroy herself and the country in the process.

when he realizes the plan is to marry azula off rather than someone more reasonable-- mai is RIGHT there, for fucks sake-- he doesn’t realize ozai’s true intent is to fuck this up through malicious compliance and false shows of good faith. he panics, and does the zuko thing: he blurts out that this is unacceptable and immoral and she’s only 16 and Ozai sees the true opportunity for two birds with one stone. send zuko, let him piss someone off so badly he gets killed or divorced, and he gets rid of zuko from the line of succession permanently. there are those who are incredibly attached to teh idea of a firstborn for firelord, and it’s been a constant thorn in unpopular ozai’s side to nto be able to name azula his heir apparent without costly rebellion. but if he can taint him in the mind of the fire nation so much that birthright is easy to supercede-- yeah. this’ll work PERFECTLY.

so zuko is sent to marry hakoda, chief of the water tribe.

literally NO ONE was expecting it to be a member of Ozai’s immediate family. besides the fact that his oldest child is half hakoda’s age and his brother has 20 years on hakoda, it would have been sus as fuck - the treaty is not favorable enough to grant that kind of secession of interests. it becomes quickly apparent that this young man -- hakoda reminds himself of that repeatedly. not kid. not kid. young man. don’t think of him like a kid, it’s hard enough on both of us already. -- is not a horrible threat. he’s scared shitless and shakes with what he thinks is bravado. he’s desperate to make the marriage work. he’s desperate to not go home. he’s got a giant fucking scar on his face from where the fire lord punished him for some grievous but unstated offense.

zuko “daddy issues” fire nation sees his husband to be and, despite being scared shitless, immediately begins to soften a little. like... he’s not nearly as scary as he thought he’d be. his face can be stern, but it just as easily breaks into huge smiles, and his eyes are crinkled with laughter. he’s incredibly handsome. and his biceps are. his biceps. are. his hands are...

like. zuko thinks. okay. maybe. maybe his marriage duties. won’t be so horrible as he thought. maybe he’s ready for this. and he knows what to expect, Uncle had discreetly provided him the means and the contacts to acquire an intimate education in the whirlwind of activity that was the two months before leaving. and like, once he’d gotten past the nerves, it was often even... good? or at least... not bad? he thinks that even if hakoda isn’t a professional expert, he has a certain.... je ne sais quoi, if you will.

((DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF))

sokka sees his new stepfather and immediately falls in love because he’s that kind of dumb bitch. (the core of this au is that i cant breathe thinking about sokka falling in love with his hot young stepmom his age who his dad doesnt even want to fuck. like. i CANT. sokka masturbates to ‘hand caught in the washing tub’ fantasies which are even more absurd for requiring zuko to be DOING LAUNDRY. i find it so funny.)

bato watches them at the wedding feast while hakoda is very clearly trying to treat zuko as an Equal Adult Partner and mostly managing to seem like someone having a serious conversation with a seven year old about the game they’ve made up. zuko is clearly enamored with it, soaking up the attention, blushing and doing his best to Bravely Flirt, which at one point includes awkwardly attempting to feed Hakoda by hand. bato has to excuse himself to have a teary eyed giggle, hoping that Kya is in the spirit world looking down and laughing with him. he can’t resent the kid even a little bit, when hakoda is sitting there looking so incredibly fucking befuddled as to what he’s supposed to do with this star struck infant he’s legally wed to

anyways all of this... is very funny. their wedding night... is less so. zuko does not take the rejection from hakoda very well, especially because he’d been caught wanting. HE’S the one who should be rejecting hakoda. and he catastrophizes almost immediately about his potential value to the water tribe, his future treatment, that endless inescapable freezing cold loneliness is the good ending for him here... hakoda, meanwhile, drops zuko off at his home, reassuringly informs him that there’s NOTHING else expected of him and he will be well taken care of, and books it to bato’s. bato refuses to let him in on grounds of ‘you can’t sleep under the same shelter as me on your wedding night to that kid, have a fucking brain’, and he ends up crashing at sokka’s.

sokka, who had KNOWN that his dad wouldnt, but also upon seeing zuko and zuko’s awkward flirting was like... but how COULDNT he???? sokka is relieved.

the core of this fic is that i find it endlessly hilarious for zuko to try and seduce his husband while sokka simps around zuko and bato tries to be heartbroken or betrayed but mostly ends up with a giant case of hysterical schadenfreude. but the thing that CLINCHED it for me, like THE scene. several years after being married, settled into their life. they’re partners and they see each other as people. and zuko just fucking snaps one night

he just kisses him, desperate and clawing and climbing and maybe a little drunk. he knows hakoda is going to push him away, maybe even hit him, but he doesn’t care anymore, he doesn’t care. he can do anything he wants to him as long as he just-- finally does something. zuko is 21 and married to the surface of the sun and the surface of the sun jr is his best friend and clearly in love with him-- so clearly not even zuko can miss it-- and like. listen. listen. zuko is not a patient person. but he’s been patient for this. he waited and he matured and he is a fucking amazing husband and he wants this, he wants him. he wants to be wanted.

but hakoda doesn’t push him away. hakoda doesnt yell at him, or hit him. hakoda gentles the kiss into something soft and closed lipped. he pulls away slowly, and his eyes are so sad for zuko, so pitying. he strokes his cheek with the back of his hand so gently. he says, I’m sorry. I don’t want you.

and zuko daddy issues fire nation swallows

and he nods

and he leaves, even though its his own fucking house

and he knows he’s never going to be good enough

like FUUUCK i am OBSESSED WITH THAT

[sluttyten]

Okay speaking of boobs I have a weird question. I’m a virgin (so I’m not too knowledgeable about sexuality but I know enough) and I’m bi. I have a friend. We’ve been friends since middle school and are now 21 year olds. He’s gay tho. So just for some background~~

im so open about my boobs bc I was flat chested until I was 16 so now I’m just v happy w them. I’ve let my friends (including guy friends) see my boobs a few times. like if I needed an opinion on a nude or smth lol it all started when I sent 1 to the gc while tipsy and since then we just had no real boundary w that I guess. my friends are all either very progressive heteros or queer. But my one gay friend who is definitely into guys and has never expressed interest in girls (actually sometimes seems repulsed by vag) really likes my boobs. Like the most out of everyone. so sometimes he’s just like “can I see them” ? Or when he texted me and said he’s having a bad day and I joked saying I’ll snapchat him a boob pic and he seriously asked me to...so I’m just ? It’s become almost a normal part of our friendship over the past 8 months. Even in person. I’ve allowed him to touch my boobs (once without clothes and he was just really into it but it’s usually with clothing). Idk what he’s doing with the mental images or if he gets off or if this is just a platonic thing of his but whenever I joke and say he’s acting like a straight man he gets weird.

The last incident was almost a month ago. And I remember cus I got in an argument with the girl I’m currently talking to romantically about it. I cut down on it bc I really like this girl and even tho I am single I want to be respectful of her feelings. (I mean I might be offended if I knew ppl were touching her boobs so I want to consider her feelings). Anyways my friend had accidentally hit me in the chest lmao and I told him I was sore (on my cycle) and he said he’d massage them and he was serious but I said no. Bc idk that seemed too intimate. But when I brought it up to my “partner” she said that she didn’t find it funny and he seemed to be using me in a way. Which I never really looked at it that way bc he’s not attracted to women. Yeah this was all over the place I hope you don’t mind 😂

My question is like I don’t want to be -phobic by assuming his sexuality just based on that but also it’s effecting me lol and I’m fine with the whole thing if there was more like honesty and direction. but at the same time I don’t wanna be someone’s like hidden fetish or kink. The more I ask myself how I feel about it the more I’m like hmmm idk what he’s struggling with but it’s making our friendship awkward. I asked my other friend who’s a gay male the same thing and he found it extremely off putting. Which I kinda regret telling him bc I feel like he’s judging him a bit too much like it’s not something that’s a big deal bc he’s not pressuring or making me uncomfortable like I’ve been completely okay with it and it’s usually fun up until this point. I’m gonna look into it some more tho to figure out how to approach him about it.

I think your friend might not be as gay as he thinks he is if he likes your boobs so much, he might be no and struggling to come to terms with that or something

[tempestuous-cosplay]

just cuz

Ask me these probing NSFW questions ‘cuz I’m bored

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

13? somewhere around there.

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

if I try hard enough, yeah, but off the cuff, no

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

My first Bf, and hahahaha no. Not at all.

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

a close friend and i took MDMA and fucked for, like, 4 hours and it was lovely.

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

this guy i banged in collage who was just bony, small, boring, and ignored me after.

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

In a tent? Or the time in a church.

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

I don't have any fun or interesting stories about that.

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

NOPE

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

around middle school or early highschool but it was very rare bc i didn't get much from it. But the first time I actually orgasmed was when I hit 22 and got on T. then jacking it became a regular thing.

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

My dad walked in right before I was about to get started. that was the worst.

QUEER SHIT

11. How would you describe your sexuality using only adjectives (describing words–busy, fluffy, squishy, etc.)?

weird and complicated but friendly

12. Have you ever been in a queer relationship?

a solid 95% of my relationships have been queer. Only 1 wasn't.

13. Have you ever been in a straight relationship?

Just one. Gross

14. How and when did you realise you weren’t straight?

the moment i knew it was something that was possible. so very early.

15. Are you out to everyone you know?

p much

16. Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

I don't really date. But I made my friends through cosplay and then by meeting their friends and it just keeps going.

17. If your parents know about your sexuality, how did they react?

They always knew. I never really "Came out". I have p chill parents

18. Does your best friend know about your sexuality? How did they react?

Duh. I've slept with a number of them.

19. Describe your first queer kiss.

Much better than my first straight kiss.

20. What’s the queerest shit you’ve ever done?

My queer platonic partner :3

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

21. Are you happy with your body?

happier than i was and on my way to making it exactly how I want. Tho i do wish I was taller.

22. What’s the raddest part of your bod, and why?

my eyes are very pretty

23. What do you do with your body hair (pubes, underarms, legs, etc.)?

I don't do jack shit. Im lazy

24. Do you have stretch marks? Where?

Some where my tits used to be, inner thighs, and my love handles.

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

theyre kinda lopsided bc of how they were reattached during top surgery. the right one is super sensitive to touch and its kinda painful bc NERVE DAMAGE and the left one is totally numb

26. (Vagina-owners) Do you have an “innie” (small, tucked-in inner labia), or an “outie” (more visible/larger inner labia)?

supper innie. I, like, don't have an inner labia at all. Its WEIRD

27. (Vagina-owners) Is it very obvious when you’re turned on (swelling, wetness etc.)?

Yeah bc my clit is HUGE now thanks to T. It gets HARD

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

its, like, an inch an a half long and really small :3. I like it

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

Yeah, its kinda tart

30. (Breast-owners) How does the size of your breasts compare? Is one bigger than the other?

Back when I had them, the left one was a lil bigger than the right one, but i had huge badonkers. Just MASSIVE. They were nearly perfect, but they were on me, so it was horrible.

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

consensual non-consent in fiction. I don;t think i could do it IRL.

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

It fluxuates, but mostly its very fantasy.

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

The Devil from The Arcana

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

it fluxtuates, but horny daydreams are common

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

sometimes, yeah

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

it actually doesn't more than it does.

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

nah

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

Hozier has had more than one sex dream in my head.

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

oh sure. thats p normal.

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

hah, no. THats too much to type.

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

im fine with it

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

probably being a living sex doll

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

Im not the biggest fan of either but I would rather receiving bc im too scared of accidentally really hurting someone

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

Im a sub leaning switch.

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

got tied up in cosplay for a photoshoot.

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

nope but i've been called daddy

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

cum, blood, and spit to a small degree.

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

not yet tbh.

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

nah, not really

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

OOF!!! A good several hundred dollars. Like...... its a fairly high number.

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

51. (Vagina-owners) Do you ever squirt when you come?

I have a few times!!

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

no, that I haven't managed.

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

HAH I WISH but no

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

Nice slow strokes on my clit like a dick with some gentle rubbing on the lips.

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

One is numb and one is very painful. So no.

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

Jacking it. I almost never cum with a partner. Sex is more for bonding than personal pleasure tbh.

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

A few times, yeah!!

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

rough ish??

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

the few times ive squirted.

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

took until i was 22

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

YES!! Its a good mouth feel.

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

not sure yet.

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

suck and wiggle. suck and wiggle

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

theyre about the same amount of effort for me.

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

too much teeth.

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

I was..... on some drug or another, can't remember what, and bro, i mELTED

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

rarely but sometimes

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

not much? but its fine

69. Do you like 69ing?

never tried, not super interested

70. Can you deep-throat?

anything smaller than 6" yeah.

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

yeah but it takes a lot for me to be willing to do it.

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

a phallic shaped kite handle (I was young and stupid)

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

sure

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

just a lil

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

I was, again, on drugs a little under a year ago and let my best friend pop that particular cherry.

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

im indifferent leaning on rather not.

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

nope

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

nope

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

not yet, hopefully never

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

not yet

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81. Describe your most recent group sex experience.

got one coming up in about a week? but an orgy at a furry convention.

82. Have you ever had sex with more than two people at once (eg., foursome, moresome)?

sure have

83. Have you ever had an orgy? Would you?

yup, and YUP!!!

84. Do you enjoy watching your partner(s) having sex with others?

ehehehe yeh

85. Do you prefer to arrange group sex beforehand, or allow it to happen organically?

both are fine!

86. Have you ever felt left out during group sex?

nah, im too sexy for that

87. Have you ever done a gangbang (ie., lots of people have sex with one person, but not each other)?

not yet but i WANNA

88. Have you ever teamed up with someone and given a double blowjob/double cunnilingus?

not yet :O,,,, WAIT!!! YEAH I HAVE!!!!

89. Have you ever been penetrated by more than one person at the same time?

not yet but god I wanna

90. Have you ever been ejaculated on by more than one person at the same time?

not yet

**BONUS DARES**

100. Send me $500.

[strongsassysexysloane]

some very random questions

I know this isn’t the way it’s “done” but Im in an almost writing mood and no one ever asks the ones I want to answer. 

1. how many pillows do you sleep with? I currently have seven pillows on my bed but I can have up to ten at a time. Minimum requirement is two but i won’t be happy about it, I’ll usually grab a hoodie for extra comfort. - EIGHT. I forgot Eeyore

2. do you believe in soulmates? Maybe? Do I think it’s all about romance.. no. 

3. would you ever kiss a stranger? I think I have... But define stranger. Walk up to a random in the street? Probs not. Someone I’ve known for a week but hardly know anything about and we got drunk and we kissed.. yes. 

4. describe your dream house - I have man a dream house, cabin in the woods on a lake, tiny house, massive yacht, treehouse... mansion with like seven levels and one level is just a pool. Take your pick. Oh, shack on the beach. 

5. do you usually use cash or card? Card. Cash is disgusting! Think about how many hands it’s passed through. Bleh

6. do you enjoy driving in general? Yes! Until some idiot does something stupid. Driving the back roads through the mountains or bush. Yes please with the tunes pumping! Mooing at the cows as I drive past. Tmi lol

7. do you like your name? if not, what would you change your name to? Yes? Sometimes I wish is was spelt differently but I’ve never really wanted to fully change it. I do prefer my shortened name though. 

8. what’s your favorite cuisine? FOOD! Italian. Pizza, Pasta and Pastries. 

9. how often do you get massages? Not enough. I need a partner so I can have massages again. 

10. do you play video games? if so, what games? I use to be obsessed with Guitar Heroes III but on the controller (DONT @ me!!) but since getting a switch I’ve played Legends of Zelda Breath of the Wild over and over and over. It has cut into many a writing time. Soz. 

11. do you prefer to color with colored pencils, crayons, or markers? Markers, so satisfying. 

12. what other fandoms are you in? Unsure if im in ANY fandom at this point. But ill contribute to TV Shows such as NCIS, NCISLA, The Bold Type, Arrow and Doctor Who.. 

13. do you have a signature in your style/everyday outfits? No? I do like hats, beanies, short brimmed fedoras, snapbacks... I’m most comfy in jeans and tees/hoodies. 

14. do you have any pets? if not, do you want some in the future? A small doggo and two fishies. Numerous friends and family dogs/ pets that I love. I’m known for going over peoples houses and interacting with the dog before the human. 

15. do you give objects you own a name? (car, house, plants, etc) If you dont. Byeee. 

16. do you like the weather where you live? As I prefer to live in a cooler climate but also swim. It makes life hard. Australia has a good winter down south which I would love to live there one day. 

17. if you could wear one color for the rest of your life, what would it be? No. 

18. do you like making small talk? Depends on the person and my mood. 

19. what’s your favorite social media platform? Instagram.

20. have you ever been to hawaii? Yes. Twice. 

21. name a fashion trend that you absolutely hate - I have many and all of which I can’t think of right now. 

22. name a fashion trend that you absolutely love - Again my mind is blank. If you really want to know suggest some and I’ll answer yes or no.  

23. what was the last text you sent? To my friend “You need to get Netflix and watch Shine on Me w/ Reece, episode 3 P!nk”

24. when making plans, do you like to organize or go with the flow when the time comes? More towards the organise.

25. what do you want to name your future kids? NOPE

26. do you have a type? I use to think no. But i definitely lean more towards brunettes (Jack Sloane is ONE BIG FUCKING EXCEPTION TO THIS), glasses <3 and they need to have similar interests and opinions etc. tmi? ahaha 

27. when was the last time you kissed someone? I’m assuming we are meaning on the lips, as in a person I was dating? So in that case last year? Time is a fucking blur right now. 

28. how often do you cook? As often as I can/want. 

29. do you think __x__ is overrated or underrated?

30. do you always remember your dreams? Depends. Ill remember most immediately after I wake up but then some disappear. Nightmares are more likely to remain. 

31. do you believe in ghosts? Yes, the good kind? 

32. would you ever want to move outside of your country? Yes, did and done it. I recommend it. 

33. describe your first love - childish, complicated and friendship. 

34. more peanut butter or more jelly? Equal!

35. do your irls know about your tumblr account? They know about it but they dont KNOW KNOW about it. >.< 

36. do you prefer hot or cold beverages? I swing both ways.

37. when was the last time you finished a book? Earlier this year. 

38. what would you want your wedding colors to be? Pizza and Donuts. My partner can pick the rest. 

39. how long do you let your nails grow? I don’t. Barely a nail really... but i’ve heard that’s a good thing in some areas

40. if you could stay at a certain age, what age would you pick? 25?

41. who do you think has it easiest: older siblings or younger siblings? Younger i think.

42. how often do you post on social media? Too often. 

43. do you enjoy big groups? Eh. Take it or leave it. Of dogs? Yes. 

44. do you like it when you’re awaken by the sounds of birds chirping? No. I’ve had pidgeons living in the roof above my room for too long. GO AWAY BIRDS! There are much better ways to be woken up tbh. 

45. which hand is your favorite? Left?

46. how many people do you follow? Stalking is illegal..

47. how many followers do you have? Enough :)

48. how many drafts do you have? None on here.. in my stories, too much. 

49. do you hang or fold your sweaters? both. 

50. even numbers or odd? Both, even for volume on tv, odd for favourite numbers... I’m weird. I know. 

[fox-meat]

2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14, 21, 22, 23, 24, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 36, 37, 39, 40, 41, 42, 44, 50

2. Where's the most unusual place you've masturbated?: Hrrmm good question, no where too weird I don't think. My living room? Never done it in public lmao

3. Where's the most unusual place you've had sex?: Oh boy, uh, I mean aside from our room, I've done some stuff in a tent, and the other place would probably be my bf's parent's bed XD

5. What's your favorite sex position?: Okay so, me on my back, guy kneeling in front of me and going in, my right leg hooked around his hips, my left up in the air against his right shoulder so he goes in deep /)//////(\

7. What're your biggest turn-ons while making out?: Oh god so many, okay, here we go. Touching me literally /anywhere/ will probably make me lose my mind. Waist, scratching my back, my hips, my NECK OR MY FACE makes me melt hhhhh, I also love hearing the other person moan, or bite my lip, or growl something to me,,,,,

8. What're your most unusual turn-ons in general?: Well I'm a kinky/kinnie bitch so, I do enjoy being threatened. "I'll break your neck" is flirtation. Same with "You smell delicious". NOT NICE I MELT! UNFAIR! Uhhh there's a lot of things, some mostly based on any kin shifts I might be in. Right now I'm in Ren so I'll add in, speaking German, clicking open a pocket knife, smiling while hurting me, hhhhh yeah. Yeah. Lots of. things.

9. What's your darkest fantasy?: Okay so this obviously changes but. Basically rn since I'm in a Ren shift, I'd probably like something to do with the people I knew. Strade, Vincent, Farz, and apparently a Lawrence. Would be interesting to be tag teamed by them! Vince punches me for a while, Farz stabs out an eye (or two), Strade carving out things or taking off fingers, toes, a fox ear, hhhhhh, and then Lawrence gutting me, trying to crawl inside me. Stuff like that /)////////////(\

10. If you could have one fantasy fulfilled right now, what would it be?: LOL I should read these questions ahead. Uhhh okay so, well I really want someone to tease the /fuck/ out of me. Like either tying me to a bed or just letting me be loose, touching and teasing me, until I'm /begging/ to be fucked, and still not giving in. And then doing more, messing with my ears, my tail, licking and biting me, hhhhh everything, and /still/ giving me nothing. All of this while saying what a dirty, naughty little fox I am. How needy I am (I'm in heat so LOL), how I'm so pathetic and whiny. By the time they finally touch me, I instantly cum /)///////(\ MOVING ON

12. What are your hard limits?: Okay uh, nothing with scat. Watersports don't bother me, but they're not a turn on. Same with like, vomit. Doesn't bother me in a roleplay way, but not inrl. I don't have too many other hard limits tbh! Feel free to ask for specific ones if you're interested :3

13. How often do you masturbate?: Okay so I hate doing it like, when my bf is home. So it's normally on days I don't work and I take him to work. So maybe.. 2-4 times a week? Not often at all. I'm more thinking about/roleplaying sex than actually doing anything about it.

14. Have you ever been caught masturbating or having sex?: Hrm a few times we've been in the middle of about to do stuff and my bf's sister will come upstairs. Never masturbating though!

21. Have you tasted yourself? If so, then what did you think?: Hhhh okay so, I did a looong time ago and recently when I did it was almost.. sweet? Like barely sweet. Wasn't bad, and could also be considered a turn on. Someone fingering me, then making me taste it. (OR THEM TASTING IT AND SAYING I TASTE GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAA) inrl though I don't like people going down on me or touching me. It's mostly about fear of being hurt. But in roleplay anything goes!

22. Are you vocal during sex?: OH VERY I can be quiet if I reeaalllyy try but I whimper and whine a lot.

23. Do you like being rough with your partner? Do you like when your partner is rough with you?: Being rough to someone else is hard, I get nervous. Being rough with ME is a lot better. I can take it~ I'm like a punching bag.

24. Do you like being restrained? Do you like restraining your partner?: If I'm doing it to someone else, I end up keeping them tied up tight so I can either hurt them or force feed them. I looooove being restrained. Never had it happen, but I always wanted like, someone to hold me either gently or roughly while another hurt me. (While typing that I had specific people in my mind doing it AAAA) so yeah.

26. What are your favorite parts/features on each gender you're attracted to?: Honestly? Love breasts. Love them. Butts are great too. I'm attracted to all genders so ??? don't really have a preference.

27. Have you ever tried something sexual and decided you weren't into it?: I actually don't think so? Aside from one guy saying he had a six foot dick and wanted to do vore-stuff with it :P yeah no. Not my thing.

28. What are your erogenous zones?: Specifically for a Ren shift, my ears and tail are definitely overly sensitive. My neck is too, and my face being touched is hhhhh so good. And my back/waist being touched or scratched is nice~

29. What're the most effective ways to tease you in public?: Oh I'm gonna regret this. So basically, it's very easy. If we're together while I'm in person, whispering anything into my ear will probably make me all flustered and blushy. If you're messaging me and I'm in public, 100% basically anything threatening to fuck me or hurt me will get me. Almost guarenteed.

30. What're your favorite was to tease your partner in public?: Well with my adorable little feedee boyfriend, I tell him how fat he's getting and how people probably think he uses a motor cart cause he's too fat to walk around ;3 around with how everyone probably thinks he's a precious little girl~

31. What's your biggest sexual pet peevee?: WHEN IM ROLEPLAYING AND EITHER I HAVE TO LEAVE OR THEY DO AND THEN IM SITTING THERE WAITING FOR HOURS AND THEN EITHER WE JUST DECIDE NOT TO CONTINUE OR AAAAAAAAAA I HATE IT AND I KNOW ITS NO ONES FAULT IT JUST SUCKS ITS LIKE A HUUUUUGE COCK BLOCK

32. If you could dress/style someone to be as attractive to you as possible, what would they look like?: Okay uhh, depends I guess? Let's say it's a guy. Black leather jacket, tshirt, jeans, boots probably. (Basically Vincent Metzger LOL).

33. If you had to put on an outfit to turn-on your partner the most during a date, what would it be?: Oh if it's for my feedee, he'd probably love me in something that doesn't fit me well and would be super tight heheh. I never think I really turn people on that well.OH he does love when I'm naked and wearing only an apron >///

34.  What are your favorite pet names/dirty names to be called during sex?: Oh god so many. SO MANY. Okay so, good boy, good fox, Fuchs, little bitch, slut, whore, naughty, (I don't like nasty very much), dirty, pathetic, weak, whiny, hhhhh there's a lot. a lot.

36. What's the best sexual compliment you've ever received?: Oh that I'm good at blowjobs apparently. I'll take it though~ I also hear that my screams and whines are apparently nice to hear.

37. Do you enjoy it when your partner has piercings and/or tattoos? Are there any particular body parts where you like your partner to have them?: I love lip and tongue piercings, along with ear ones. Wouldn't turn down a dick piercing, never tried having sex with someone who has one. I'd also probably be happy about any tattoos. I like seeing them on arms mostly.

39. If your partner was going to send you a video of themselves, what would they do to make it turn you on the most?: Hhhhh well, something along the lines of "Get your ass over here so I can fuck you", or anything of them with a knife. Mmnnnnn.

40. Are you a screamer, a grunter, a moaner, or a groaner?: Mostly a moaner and a screamer, sometimes a groaner. Hhhhh.

41. Is "vanilla" sex boring or underrated?: With the right person? Totally underrated. Like it's gotta be a comfortable, relaxing experience with someone you love.

42. What's the best orgasm you've had in the past few months?: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I can't go into details but I was roleplaying while masturbating, and yeah. It was great. So great. So fucking great.

44. Do you enjoy seeing your partner have sex with others? Would you want them to do all of the same things that they're willing to do with you, or would some be off-limits? Hhhh with my feedee boyfriend, I'd be a little iffy on letting other people feed him. Last time I let someone who wasn't Keir do it, they turned into the worst person in my life :') So. Other than that, I think I'd be okay. He's obviously allowed to do whatever he wants, so I wouldn't stop him. I might not want to see it though.

50. Have you ever cum without having your genitals directly stimulated?: hhhh yeah, touching my chest and teasing me a lot can do it, definitely. Mmmnn.

Thank you for all these questions!!!! I need to do more heheh, thank you!!!

[dcrothy]

hello friends !! it’s ya hoe moose (she/her) & i’m 21 and chillin over in the cst. i’m jazzed af to join this lovely group and rp with u all !! my gal dorothy here is a semi-new muse & i’m still working some stuff out with her but.....hopefully u like her anyway lmaooo. i would love love love to plot with u all so feel free to HMU or just LIKE THIS and i’ll come to you !! if you prefer to chat on discord just hmu on there instead, that’s chill with me. also bc i am such a.....pinterest hoe u can catch her board HERE !! more info abt her under the cut of course~

[ kristine froseth, cisfemale, she/her, 20 ] GINGER by THE FRONT BOTTOMS? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of DOROTHY LINDVIG. maybe because they’re VIVACIOUS but also ALOOF. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since AUGUST of 2016 in 410 and have 1 ROOMMATE. 

tw: trauma, eating disorder, drug use !!

ok so !!!! first thing’s first, she usually does by the nickname dolly. but she doesn’t care too much abt what u call her u can call her fuckass and she’d just be like what’s up

she’s a town native !!! grew up in a shitty area w a kind of shitty family. parents were never around, always off on benders or just....generally bein shitty parents. dolly & her older brother had to learn how to take care of themselves when they were pretty young and they’ve always done just fine. they didn’t have a lot of money so dolly got pretty good at playing up the cute lil girl role and getting free stuff out of ppl

as much as she claims she relies only on herself, she also relies heavily on the kindness of strangers bc without them she definitely would have gone hungry for real

in order to stay away from her house as much as possible she would hang out at the skating rink as a kid & eventually after stealing a pair of skates from the lost & found she taught herself how to skate & eventually figure skate as well. she’s always wanted to go pro but.....obviously couldn’t afford the training

her brother used to throw pretty big ragers in their place when their parents were gone so......she started drinking & doing drugs at a pretty young age & just generally hanging out with ppl who were much older than her & v bad influences.

trauma tw !! it was at one of these parties that she had a traumatic experience w one of her brother’s friends. she was 13 and she still hasn’t told anyone about what happened. it happened on more than one occasion and her brother is still friends w this boy so she just.....does her best to avoid him & pretend that nothing ever happened bc she refuses to acknowledge her trauma

she was pretty popular in school but never rly felt like she had any true friends ??? none of her relationships were all that deep and she mostly just hung out with people to get free stuff LMAO and like rides places i guess

but she does have her lil group of friends that she truly cares abt and when she actually cares abt u.......she’s around for LIFE u cant get rid of her sorry

she got emancipated when she was 16 and has been living on her own ever since. at first she’d would just stay at friend’s houses and sleep on their couches, but that stopped when she finally got a job at the skating rink teaching kids how to skate & got a new place to live. she’s been chillin working there and living in the apartment building for a couple of years now

despite the fact she has a job, a good portion of her income doesn’t even rly come from that ??? she has......a sugar daddy who finances most of her spending

that is.....a v brief outline of her life up until this point but imma talk a bit abt her personality now

she is.....very magnetic tbH. knows how to draw in a group and keep them interested

knows how to bat her eyelashes and flirt if it means she’ll get something out of it

she’s kind of mean, kind of not ??? she is v moody a lot of the time tbh like it’s either hit or miss with her. sometimes she’ll be in the mood to have a big long chat and in a split second she’ll be telling u to fuck off

likes to know everyone else’s drama but doesn’t like having drama of her own

kind of does her own thing ???? marches to the beat of her own drum. doesn’t rly follow any rules. she’s just out here

does most things out of spite. even if she doesn’t want to do something, if someone tells her she cant do something she’s gna do it no matter what

very animated and lively. the type to dance in the middle of the grocery store if a song she likes is playing

also the type to dance on tables at the club

doesn’t rly care what ppl think about her but.....does at the same time ??? if ur important to her she cares deeply abt ur opinion but if not........she doesn’t give a FUCK

makes homes out of people far too easily & it’s fucked her up!!!!!

she always has to keep herself busy or else she’ll lose her mind :))))

will do.......literally anything to get something for free ??? doesn’t matter what it is or who u are. she can HATE u but.....she will still blow u behind the 7/11 for a free slurpee u know

i wouldn’t say she’s hypersexual but she is highly sexual thx to her trauma !!!

she is friendly yet distant at the same time so like......while she will happily talk to u and hang out with u and whatever she avoids deep conversation topics ig ??? she always finds a way to leave or change the subject when it gets serious or make a joke out of things bc she can’t.........talk abt stuff ajsdfjkgdjgk

a very witty & clever girl. she’s v smart and would have done well in school had she had a slightly better life & didn’t have to worry abt whether or not she would starve

some extra tidbits abt her !!!

p much all of her clothing is vintage/thrifted. she likes to re-purpose old clothes and make them her own. but her aesthetic is v vintage. shoes are her fave & she’s always wearing some funky type of boot or platform shoe

just a real fashion bitch !!!!

catch her online shopping at almost any given moment

mental breakdown haircuts at 2am are her Mood

she loves going to cute lil vintage diners & drinkin a cherry coke. she....actually is lowkey addicted to pop 

can’t keep a relationship to save her life. will date someone and put herself FULLY into the relationship but.......will either get bored or cheat on them or put them up on a pedestal so it’s destined to fail after one lil mistake.

she is a self-sabotager like that bc she doesn’t believe she’s deserving of love or any good things really

smokes cigarettes

drug use tw !! smokes a lot of weed probably. also does a lot of cocaine. has a coke addiction, in fact

her fave colour is red

she has a cat named freddie who she adores more than anything else on the planet

likes to play poker & gamble

will literally try anything once

hates herself & is rotting inside!!!!!!!!!!!!

eating disorder tw !! another symptom from her trauma is the eating disorder she developed as a teen. food is.....one of her few things in life she can fully control so she controls it a Lot. she’ll go days without eating just to feel more in control & then often times after restricting a certain food for a v long time she’ll go on a massive binging and purging and it’s awful :////// 

just wants to have fun and forget abt how disgusting she feels on a daily basis & how much she hates herself :))))))))))

generally just.............a messy bitch

this is......a LOT. i don’t have a full wc page or anything yet but here r some ideas ig ???

friends !! ppl that don’t actually know her all that well but she pretends they do anyway

exes !! ya girl puts her whole entire being into relationships even tho she runs away from them right after bc self sabotage ???? so she prob isn’t on good terms with any of her exes but......she’s my bi queen so this is open to anybody!!!!

a drug dealer

party buddies

fwbs & hookups, that kinda thing

maybe someone she cheated on a partner with ??? for Drama

or like....someone who’s relationship she fucked up idk

maybe someone who has a crush on her or something & she’s like.......pls don’t what r u doing

someone she has a crush on & avoids them like the plague bc feelings are gross

a good influence

idK i want angst & cute fluffy stuff so just.........everything pls thank uuuu

and ofc.............the song connections i’ve sent to the main~

that was a LOT im sorry y’all but..........come plot w me pleaseeee :’)

[moldypieceoflasagna]

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe. 

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions  would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

 i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity  @drawinintherain )

[imriya]

K Drama List

Okay yeah I told myself I wouldn’t do this but I lied. This is a list of all the K Drama’s I’ve watched. Ratings and all

1. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo

Rating: 8/10

This was it. This drama got me hooked onto drama’s! It was so cute and carefree and the iconic ‘Do you like Messi?’ line still gets me every damn time! I loved the chemistry between the leads and although I thought I would get second lead syndrome, it was impossible not to fall in love with  Joon-Hyung. The only reason it didn’t get a 10/10 was because of the other dramas I’ve watched

2. Thumping Spike 2

Rating: 2/10

I don’t even know why I finished this drama but this was the worst drama I have ever watched! I stopped watching for a while because of this. The storyline, the acting, the girl was incredibly annoying and so was the second lead. Honestly would recommend this to anyone who wants to quit dramas cold turkey

3. Uncontrollably Fond

Rating: 9/10

TEARS! THERE WERE LOADS AND LOADS OF TEARS! I am not an emotional person at all so the fact that this drama got me to cry was just...honestly I cant! I was hooked from the second episode and finished this within 3 days even though I had finals that week. Bae Suzy took some getting used to but GOD DAMN KIM WOO BIN AND HIS AMAZING ACTING SKILLS! just get your tissues ready is all im saying especially for the last episode

4. Goblin

Rating: 9.5/10

I watched this two days after recovering from uncontrollably fond only because i saw it all over twitter. I was super skeptical coming into this but I just couldn’t help myself and it was probably the best decision I have ever made! The acting from the whole cast and the cinematography was just brilliant! At no point of this drama would you be bored I can assure you that much. I fell in love with the Grim Reaper and the whole twist it was just brilliant! I still tear up when I think about this drama. I went through more tissues for this more than any other drama I have ever watched

5. Heartless City/ Cruel City

Rating: 9/10

THE TWISTS OF THIS DRAMA OH MY LORD! At the end of every episode you are guaranteed a twist you would have never guessed! This drama kept me on my toes and kept me up at night. The acting was amazing but at times the female lead can get on your nerves so just be patient but the female interactions are amazing and I wish more drama’s gave us that. The male leads were all hot af which makes it so so easy to watch but really the friendships and relationships is what keeps this drama so amazing. it’s more of a psychological thriller than it is a romantic one but if you do want to get into psychological thrillers then i would highly recommend this one

6. W: Two worlds

Rating: 5.5/10

I didn’t finish this one because it got wayyy too repetitive. It was good for like the first 12 episodes then I had to force myself to keep watching. I liked the concept of a comic book character coming to life and switching between worlds but I thought it dragged on for way too long and just couldn’t bear to keep watching. The chemistry seemed a little forced but the acting by Lee-Jong Suk was the only reason I kept watching - amazing!

7. The Heirs

Rating: 6.5/10

THE SECOND LEAD SYNDROME IS SO BAD SO PREPARE YOURSELVES! I was recommended this by a lot of people to watch with Boys Over Flowers but after watching this and suffering my second lead syndrome I just couldn’t keep watching. It got too draggy and too repetitive at times like yes I get it - You’re rich and she is not. The female character was incredibly annoying but other than that and the second lead syndrome this was alright. My favourite character will forever be Chan Young that little cutie

8. City Hunter

Rating: 7/10

This was...wow! The stunts and the cinematography was amazing! Hats off to Kim- Sang Joong for his amazing portrayal of Lee Jin Pyo! This drama will really keep you on your toes especially with all the fights and the couple of twists

9. She Was Pretty

Rating: N/A

I couldn’t get past the 3rd episode. It bored me from the start and was incredibly cringy at times. Maybe I will try to watch it again but I just couldn’t watch the whole ‘oh i used to be pretty but now im super ugly.’ trope.

10. Scarlet Heart Ryeo

Rating: 3/10

Reminder: that this is a personal opinion list

Every time I tell someone I didn’t like this drama I get very bad looks but I just couldn’t with this drama man! I forced myself to finish it. It was really interesting at the start and I loved it but after the 13th episode (and I know cause I looked) I was so bored and it just annoyed me to no end. This drama really put me off period dramas and till now I can’t watch any. The first lead and her fizzled off and the fact that almost every guy was in love with her just made me roll my eyes. The drama dragged on for way too long and the ending sucked. This is probably the worst one I watched after Thumping Spike. I stopped watching drama’s for a while because of it. The only saving grace was Nam Joo Hyuk

11. Legend of the Blue Sea

Rating: 9.5/10

THIS WAS THE CUTEST DRAMA! I put off watching this for a while because of the whole mermaid thing but I regret it so much! It was so cute and the acting was on point! I cried so much during the last episode oh lord! The love story was funny, moving, so well developed and it was adorable from start to finish! This drama will make you laugh, cry, pissed off at times but it was just...I wish I could erase my memories and watch it again! Warning: you will fall in love with Tae-O

12. Bride of Habaek

Rating: 4/10

I was so disappointed with this drama, i had such high expectations and it just...Okay so I finished it because of Krystal and Gong Myung and how adorable their relationship is. This drama was adapted from the manga and i have to say that the manga was way better. The lead actress was so annoying and other than ‘I am a God you can’t treat/say/do this to me’ Nam Joo Hyuk really doesn’t have any other lines. Watch at your own risk.

13. School 2017

Rating: 9/10

THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD DRAMA! It was adorable while also teaching a lot about society nowdays. I loved the fact that it was supportive rather than pitting leads against leads like drama’s usually do. It was so cute and funny and just made my insides go ASJSFJSFJSHFSF because of the chemistry and how relevant the stories were.

14. Strong Woman Do Bong Soon

Rating: 9.5/10

THIS IS THE CUTEST DRAMA IF YOU WANT A BREAK FROM CRYING OR LIFE! Min min and Bong Bong OH I CANNOT! It was funny and cute and a little supernatural but trust me you will love it! This one will make you roll on the ground and pause just to squeal bc CUTENESS! Get me a guy like him pls

15. My Secret Romance

Rating: 8/10

This is kind of like Strong Woman but without the supernatural powers. A lot of resemblance with the whole CEO and girl who is working in the company except this one involves a one night stand and a female lead that can get on your nerves a little but other than that it was adorable and cute and definitely gives you a break from the crying dramas

16. Oh My Venus

Rating: 8.5/10

So this is a story about a fat girl who wants to lose weight and gets (read as: manipulates) a world famous trainer to help her boom they fall in love. It was really cute and the relationship between all of the cast just does things to my heart! It’s really worth the watch and the ending just had me on the floor! Also abs abs abs abs ERRYWHERE

17. While You Were Sleeping

Rating: 9.5/10

I just finished this drama like 3 days back and OH MY GOD! BEST DRAMA I HAVE EVER WATCHED! The chemistry between the two leads killed me! The twists and the character development and the directing and the cinematrograhy and the ACTING OH MY GOD! I have never watched a drama like this before! The supernatural and the real life scenarios were just...WOW!

18. Descendants of the Sun

Rating: 9.5/10

THIS FRICKIN DRAMA! I finished this in 2 days! It was that addicting and amazing! Both the lead and the side couple were brilliant! The acting was amazing the chemistry was even better! The fact that they also focus on the rest of the cast and the growth development of every single damn character is what got me! THE OST FOR THIS IS STILL ON MY PLAYLIST! I love this drama so much it’s in my top 5

19. Healer

Rating: 8.5/10

The reason it took me so long to watch this was because I read somewhere that it wasn’t worth the watch and that person is wrong! The concept of this drama is different but all episodes work towards one goal which i wanna say but will be a spoiler. The ending will have you shook

20. My Love From Another Star

Rating: 8.5/10

THIS FRICKIN DRAMA! It was really good and I loved the chemistry (which I know I say a lot) but really man! Chong Seong Hee is like an onion -  she has layers and there is also an alien but really man this drama killed it! I had very low expectations from it and it seriously proved me wrong. There is this one scene with the lead’s camera...just...get tissues. I teared but did not cry bc im a strong woman with no emotions

21. Pinocchio

Rating: N/A

I couldn’t get past the 7th episode. It bored me and I just found myself rolling my eyes at it a lot. I will try and rewatch this one day but just not any time in the near future.

22. Fight For My Way

Rating: 9.5/10

I COULD NOT STOP WATCHING! This drama was amazing! 4 best friends who just live life and the character development and the romance and friendship is literally goals! It was lighthearted but also got serious when it needed to be! It’s amazing and I would totally watch it again and again! I love Ae Ra’s aegyo she’s adorable <3

23. Suspicious Partner

Rating: 8/10

The start was a little rocky but after that it really grew on me. I would watch it in between classes and what not the cliffhangers just had me biting on my nails and the romance didn’t seemed forced or anything it was overall pretty alright and as a law student i loved the law part of it hehe

24. Hospital Ship

Rating: N/A

I will definitely be coming back to this but I had to stop midway for a bit. I loved the slow burn romance and also how that wasn’t the main plot of the story. I also loved the character interactions and how you can literally see the growth of each character after every episode.

25. Cheese in The Trap 

Rating: 1.5/10 

This drama is just super creepy with the stalker and his ‘dark tendencies’. It had me cringing and hating the fact that I had to keep watching. The only saving grace was Baek In Ho with his witty banter and constant support. The SLS is really strong in this drama. Baek In Ha was just cringy and annoying overall 

[likechild]

35 questions

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Bjork 

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

I’d like to be cult famous as a mixed-media artist and get to collaborate with my favorite artists on their projects as well as my own. 

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Maybe for an interview, but not usually. 

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Waking up to kisses and cuddles. Going for a long drive somewhere pretty stopping all along the way. Playing in sunshine and water. Falling asleep with someone who loves me. 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

To myself, daily. To someone else, so long ago.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Body. I don’t think the mind significantly declines after 30? If anything you get wiser after 30.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

I think I will die at 88 years old and I always imagined it would happen pretty peacefully and that I would accept it beforehand.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

I’m recently single. And it hard for me to realize this question is not about them anymore.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

My best friends. My bedroom. Sunshine. The ocean. Animals. Trees. Queer community. The arts. Hope.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

My family would have been kinder, more sensitive, and more supportive.

11.  Tell your life story.

Um this is a lot so I’ll go with the very basics. I was born in San Jose, CA on June 11, 1993. I lived in a house with my four half-siblings and two parents. My parents were in an abusive relationship and divorced when I was five. Since my half-siblings were not related by blood two went to live with each parent and I travelled back and forth between the two. I was afraid of my father my entire life and my mother was emotionally distant. I don’t feel I know either of them now or that they know me. I had a lot of support from friends, other families, teachers, etc. I was quite spiritual and optimistic, but I do remember the feeling of losing hope when it came to family. I moved to San Francisco in 2011 to go to college. It was a difficult adjustment, but ultimately I fit in well with city life. I met many life-long best friends in high school and early college and I am deeply grateful to them. I have not had a lot of luck with romantic love. Or in my career. I have had a lot of opportunities to travel, party, enjoy the arts, meet lots of interesting people. I have trouble validating myself, but I am ready to become the most empowered version of myself. I’ve had a few run-ins with love, i’m just now getting out of my first relationship and it was full of tenderness, affection, heart-ache and insecurity. I hope dearly the next time I love I feel safer.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

To speak many languages. Or just a general sense of confidence / direction.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d want to know the good things. And maybe how to prepare better for the bad things. Like little tips about the future.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I think I need to reconnect with my dreams. I may have convinced myself they were out of reach and not to dream them anymore.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Traveling internationally. I dreamed of it as a child and it’s something I didn’t know if I would ever be able to do. 

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Stability and intimacy. My friends are my family and I need to know that they feel the same. 

17. What is your most treasured memory?

Driving down the coast with Whitney holding hands with the windows rolled down. Laying in a hammock drinking liquor and opening up our hearts to each other. Watching him set up camp in the middle of the night in a beanie smoking a cigarette. When I was his only girlfriend and I felt secure. 

18. What is your most terrible memory?

When Whitney told me he fell in love with someone else. When I spent months trying to be someone I couldn’t be for him. When he broke my heart on the first day of a state mandated self-quarantine at a time I was already feeling scared, lonely, anxious, and in need of a lover and a friend.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would move in with Anna, spend all my money on traveling, seeing friends, participating in the arts. Make a small clothing line and buy a harp. Swim more. Try to fall in love.

20. What does friendship mean to you?

Supporting and encouraging each other to find our best self. Finding joy in the mundane together. Taking risks together and trusting in the importance of change and adventure. 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

They mean so much to me and when I allow myself to develop it with someone it comes very naturally to me. Unfortunately I am often to afraid to allow someone that close.

22.  Share 5 positive characteristics of yourself.

1. My intentions are always pure. 2. I can almost always see the silver lining in things. 3. I don’t judge people for their past or for their differences from myself. 4. I constantly strive to be better. 5. I still believe in love.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Not so close, not so warm. I don’t remember a lot of my early childhood now.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

It’s distant and I don’t think it’s very fixable. I’ve always felt she never tried to know me as a complex and sentient human being. I wonder how she sees our relationship.

25. Make three true I statements.

I am listening to french pop. I am in bed. I am doing my best.

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share... “

..,my life with, build a home with, feel safe with, share love with.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with a partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

Friendships last a lifetime for me. Once I let someone into my heart they never leave it. Even when we don’t speak or see each other anymore. Please commit to being gentle with my heart. Please commit to helping me heal from you if you decide to leave. 

28. What did you like about your last partner?

I liked how tender they were. How they wrote me poems, played me music, wrote me letters, and made me little radio shows. How often they professed their deep love and admiration for me. How passionate they were about my mind and my body. How he read me to sleep and took joy in giving me joy. How we would go on adventures to nowhere together. How we were happy no matter where we were as long as we were together.

29. What is an embarrassing moment in your life?

Im embarrassed anytime I am unhappy and unsure of myself.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I’ve cried a lot lately. In front of people and by myself.

31. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

I mean know your audience. 

32. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I would want Whitney to know I love him, but he doesn’t want to hear from me. And he already knows I do.

33. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

A box of photos and love letters I’ve collected.

34. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My mom. Because I do love her and she means well and neither of us knew how to bridge our distance.

35. Share a personal problem.

I think I need professional help in sorting out my childhood, insecurities, anxieties, and view of relationships. But it seems so difficult to obtain any help, let alone the kind of help that might actually make a difference. I try to manage everything on my own, and I fear this will only lead me in circles.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Snow you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Dirk Cresswell!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

It’s always so amazing to me that so many people choose to come back to Crimson and it’s such a joy to see your Dirk come back to life in your app! I know I speak for many when I say that you took a character that none of us knew much about and brought with him a personality that we couldn’t forget. It’s so good to see you again and that you’ve found the time to come back to the rp! Snow, your reason for choosing him, in particular, made me emotional, and I can’t wait to see you write him with a fresh breath of life! Hopefully, you’ll be able to carry him on a new and beautiful journey as the war progresses and affects him. I can’t wait to see you and Dirk back on the dash! 

application beneath the cut ( tw: brief mentions of death )

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Snow, 21, she/her, gmt+3

ACTIVITY

im going to well and truly throw myself into my studies this semester, and i’m also running an rp with a friend of mine on tumblr, so i don’t know how active i’ll be honestly. given how much i already love and adore every member of this group and all your characters, i’ll be able to find time. 6 or 5 out of ten, i think.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

a promo blog about a year ago lol. i found this group way before it even opened but only applied like, months afterwards.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

hm. my answer differs every time based on my mood i think. like i dont think there’s one character i really truly identify with? probably percy tho lbr.

ANYTHING ELSE?

nope.

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

dirk cresswell. well, a revised version of him.

FACE CLAIM

ezra miller. listen i tried to change his fc but ezra is dirk and dirk is ezra the line has been blurred for ages now it is beyond my control.

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

i’d thought of coming back with a different character and had gone through a host of them in the open tag. i’d considered someone on the other end of the spectrum to counteract the experience i’ve had playing dirk. i’d thought of playing someone balanced and sophisticated and well-mannered, someone with a little less emotion and a little more poise. someone who is not dirk, but dirk seems to have stuck himself all the way down to the roots and i can’t seem to get him out.

i cannot properly express in words how much i love this character. i’m floundering for the right ways to lay it out. he is a myriad of unlikely contradictions – kind, and just, and cruel. he is optimism and realism hand-in-hand, but he is just as much that as he is full of lies. half truths, denials, secrets. he is honest and genuine, and his intentions are as pure as those of a noble knight but he strikes quick, and fast, and merciless, with the harsh finality of an execution.

he loves openly. he is never shying away from expressing his love and devotion for his friends and family. he is never afraid of what his love for them would do to him, or to them – no, he is afraid: the fear of losing someone who’d rooted themselves into the crevices of his life is numbing, almost all-consuming, but dirk has never known how to not love, how to not be so open towards them so much of the time.

and even then, it feels, to him, as though he is never without something to hide. as though he is never not carrying a secret of some sort, as though there is always something he is carefully folding to the side throughout his life, as though he has never been fully honest with another person before. the thing is, he is always open about the good parts of himself – he is loud and obnoxious about his love and his optimism, he is blazing and boisterous about his successes and achievements. he is almost always alone in his losses. he has become terribly adept in being both honest and not, at once.

he does not forgive. he is fearful of trust, of betrayal, of being left in the dust once again. he loves, he loves, he loves, but he does not trust quite as freely.

i’d focused much too much on his guilt and misery when i had played him last, but i’m hoping to be able to focus more this time on some good things in his life. which will probably not last very long lbr but im excited to see for myself.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

dirk is an utter, unbelievably obnoxious, hopeless romantic. he is nineteen years old and had known he is gay for years, the wizarding world being far more relaxed about such things than where he’d come from, but only in the last few years or so had he become relaxed enough to be open about his sexuality to more than just the people he trusts. the idea of finding a committed, long term partner – male partner – is only just beginning to settle itself within him. he is only now beginning to truly see himself with a future in perhaps a domestic fashion and, despite the times they live in, he is positively giddy. it’s embarrassing. really.

dirk is a cis male character, though i’d really like to see how he would interact with a trans and/or nonbinary character and how he might find solace with someone who, while perhaps not exactly like him, falls far from the conventional lines drawn up by the social structures they live in.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

traits:

+ TALENTED:

Dirk’s magical talents were difficult to miss, even to those who really, really tried, and it was not entirely for the considerable amount of bragging on Dirk’s part – though, arguably, that was a large part of it – but his hands, deft with potions and charms and defensive spells, were quick to catch people’s attention, and keep it. his exceptional dueling skills had not gone unnoticed, either, not by his teachers, and certainly not by his pureblooded schoolmates, who have repeatedly tested his abilities first hand.

+SOCIABLE:

Dirk is That One Kid that knows everyone, and who everyone knows. He joined every extracellular activity the school had to offer at one point or another, he never missed a chance to hang out and have fun, and he was always interested in meeting new people and making new friends. His easy humor and confident attitude drew people to him and relaxed them in his company, his optimism and cheeky remarks making him an uplifting presence to have around. He is secretive, however, keeping his emotional troubles and inner demons far away from prying eyes, even those he considers close.

-TRUST ISSUES:

Dirk has been shown love and taught not to trust it. a parting gift, from his mother, one could say. he finds difficulty – immense difficulty – in sharing his troubles, or his secrets of any kind, with anyone. he loves and he cares about his friends and there is very little he wouldn’t do for them, but trust is something that is difficult to come by, for him, and it is something that frustrates his friends to no end.

-ARROGANT:

Dirk has an exaggerated sense of his own abilities. He is talented, yes, anyone would be hard pressed to deny that, but he tends to – overestimate, what he can do. It could also be put down to his perfectionist nature, that he would bite off more than he could chew and simply expect himself to rise up to the challenge.

he is so confident in the caliber of his character, in his own moral righteousness, in his ability to tell right from wrong. he believes so completely in aversio and what they stand for and in the choices he’s made, that he is right, that he is good, that what they’re doing is entirely justified to a morally correct eye. his arrogance and his pride, just as his loyalty and his bravery and everything good in his heart, have led him down a path of darkness where the torch of his anger has lit the way so brightly he cannot see the blackness of his surroundings. he is a morally grey character with a black and white mindset.

——

Mockblog: dorkcresswxll.tumblr.com

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

he squints, tilts his head, leans back on the back of his feet. “just one?” he asks, and straightens up as a thought occurs to him. there’s the beginning of a grin pulling at his lips, something of boyish mischief coloring his features. “something to, to take care of pureblooded bigots. y’know, take care of ‘em. actually, all bigots, y’know, all at once.” he shrugs, hands shoved into his pockets, boyish grin spreading across his face. giddy. “i’d call it the purifier, just for kicks.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Sal!” a burst of laughter, involuntary, and he leans forward. “did you see her swing that wretched bat of hers? i’d take her with me to that Snake Supreme if i could, she’d bash his head in and cuss up a storm and everything, she’s good at making a big fuss.” the fond gleam in his eyes is unmissed by any, there is pride in his voice when he speaks of her, of his sister. he does not attempt to hide it. “and – and food for the object, i think, that’d work out pretty well, yeah?”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“when to take a bloody break.” he huffs, annoyed, and perhaps a touch embarrassed. “i still don’t know how to do that.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

that he is weak, that he is lesser, that he isn’t good enough. that he is just as bad as those he fights to rid the world of, that he is worst. that he is amoral, immoral, that he is unjust and evil and simply a murderer.

he hums. thoughtful. for a moment. “that i can’t take a loss well. which, mind you, is ridiculous – i never lose anyway!”

WRITING SAMPLE

it wasn’t difficult to get the old man to sign his letter – it wasn’t difficult, he’d not needed any convincing, all dirk had to do was thrust the form under his nose, pen in hand and a flat look upon his face: stiff, clunky, the way he only ever is with his father anymore.

the man looks up from the book between his palms, his sharp nose striking, his slanted eyes lifting towards his son. there is a crease between his brows as he pulls the paper from the young boy’s hands, eyes over ink before he asks what this is.

“it’s a permission form.” he sounds nervous. he hates it. “for hogsmeade.” he says, “you’re supposed to sign it.”

and the man signs it. just like that, he reads the paper and he signs it – he hangs on to it for a moment before giving it back. there is something there, something he wants to say, but his father was never good with words and so he says nothing. dirk is pathetically grateful – he never seems to say the right thing when his dad is involved, either.

dirk takes the paper and shifts his weight between his feet and isn’t sure if he should just leave – there is something there he wants to say, as well, but he can’t quite grasp the words and so he mulls about for a moment more, shifting the paper in his hand, before he nods a quick ‘thank you’ and scurries away.

he stuffs the paper in his pocket as he walks away. he stuffs his guilt down too, and tries not to think about it – he’d been avoiding his dad all summer, had only spoken to him now when he needed something, and not for the first time he wonders how it’s gotten this bad. he wonders when it’s gotten so tense between them they can’t share more than a few words before something made someone snap. he wonders what made it so, what caused this wide, gaping chasm to stretch between them – but he can’t think about that without thinking about emptied rooms and funeral marches, so he shakes his head quickly and bursts into Sal’s room.

They have much planned for the rest of the day, and there’s only so much of summer left for them to enjoy.

[wwoofcsa]

My weekend with pet

During my week with karla, i noticed (because it was pretty obvious) that i couldnt stop talking to petrina. We were like teenagers, messaging back and forth all day, day dreaming of one another and sharing everything under the sun. I was madly in love, like fall on your face in love with this girl and a plethora of bizzare things were circling our relationship (all of them super cosmic and hard to explain) that just gave me more reasons highting the importance of this relationship at this time. After intense and hilarious conversations, a thought popped in my head, maybe id buy a flight down to KL to see her for a few days? We chatted about it, but i was still feeling hesitations, i was afraid to let go and indulge in this realtionship. My entire life, im trying to find balance, and i was afraid that i was falling too deep into desire. BUT, after some conversations, i surrendered and jumped into the pool of love and bought my flight. A few days later, after pai, i was driving to the airport in chiang mai, hopping on the plane, and arriving in KL. I couldnt fucking wait! So i arrived, and we eased gently into one another, this was the first time we’d really spent time alone together, without any other stimulation to entertain us. But we eased smoothly the first night, as we laughed and talked and eventually fell asleep. The next morning we had planned to trip together. We had spoken about stepping a bit further out into the universe and taking a tab and a half each, and then adding some mushrooms on top. So we went and got some breakfast, made some food, set some intentions, and took the dive together. I lead the death meditation for her, and it felt like a  really lovely start to our trip. And there we went, our rocket ship left the atmosphere and the next ten hours were an intense explosion of connectedness, realizations and honoring the intriguing relationship that fell upon us. There were times that we held eachother so tight, that it was like we were a meteor flying through space, inpenatrable on the outside, but safe and gentle on the inside. It was as if i had lived multiple complete lives with petrina. Each life, a completely seperate reality, similar to mr. nobody. In one life, we were two kids that met each other and were full of lust. In another, we were partners with a child, all of us covered in with shalls and warming up by a fire in the winter of northern thailand. Another life, petrina was my daughter and i was letting her know how much her mother (petrina) and i loved her. 

The trip was incredibly powerful and intense, and near the end, we became slightly more sexual. Neither of us spoke, and i noticed that i wasnt sure what she was wanting from me. There were definitly signs that she desired pleasure, but at the same time it felt like a very surface feeling. I noticed that she wasnt recipricating touch, and that although we were being sexual, there seemed to be a slight distance making its way between us. Near the end of the trip, i started thinking about some of the things i had said earlier on, and that perhaps some of the things i had said earlier, may have caused a feeling of her needing to distance herself. I tried to open up and share and process the trip, but i could see that she was holding back a bit. I told her whenever she was ready to share, id love to hear. We fell asleep and the next morning she went to shower, closing the door and i could feel a continuance of the distance. It dawned on me that only a few days before, i was wearing the mask she was wearing of distance, and now it was my turn to feel the other side. I realized then, that neither of these roles were mine to play, and that mine was a secure one, and that i wanted to continue handling the situation from a place of truth and compassion, and not from anxiety and insecurity. So i meditated a few minutes as she showered, and when she came out, i asked if could share with her. She agreed and listened intently as i explained that i had noticed my mind finding insecurities, and only weeks ago i was on the other side of the coin. I realized that while i wanted to give her love, i never want to hold her back from anything, and that i really just wanted to make the most of our short time together. I wanted to end our beautiful weekend on a note that would send us into the world feeling good, and not one of regret and feeling foolish. I wanted to face my feelings, and confront them. I told her i was sorry, cause she expressed that she wasnt great with confrontation, but if we were gonna have a relationship of any kind, this is how we gotta do it. 

Pet was incredibly receptive and opened up a great deal about how she was feeling the night before. She opened up and we talked about the lust we were feeling the night before, and how it didnt feel great, that i wanted to give her love, but it felt cheapened by lust. I pointed out that i noticed she hadnt even touched me, and while that was ok, it just felt as if i was giving and she was receiving, instead of us mutually sharing love. The day continued on and our relationship truly blossomed. I learned the importance of communicating from a secure place, of not attacking, and not trying to pin my feelings on external events occuring, rather just to express my feelings and intentions. It was truly a game changer. We had a fucking blast the rest of the day, laying together in bed, getting coldstone ice cream, and going to see the new spiderman movie. 

Spiderman was hilarious, as we didnt realize that it was a cartoon. We arrived at the theater a few minutes late, and couldnt figure out what was going on. We left the theater and asked someone if we had made a mistake but the employee assured us that we had entered the correct theater. After reentering, we did some quick google searching and concluded, that we had in fact chosen to go see an animated spiderman, but since we were already there, we might as well enjoy it. And we did. It was a fucking awesome movie. I realized that night, that it didnt really matter what we were doing, as long as we were hanging out together, i was happy. 

A beautiful weekend of celebrating ourselves, with the lovely petrina

Things i learned from my acid trip with petrina.

There was this feeling in the depth of my being, that a large chapter of my life was coming to a close, and that this next chapter was about to commence. I could feel this third of my life, the third where i was making decisions for me and only me, was ending, and i was entering a realm where i would truly feel comfortable to make desicions that considered not only myself, but also others around me. Thats not to say that that hasnt happened in the past stage, but this would be the predominant work of this stage. A stage of giving back. As if the early ears of my life were focused on taking and utilizing resources from my parents and the world around me, and then i left for israel and i started thinking about caring for myself and taking less from those around me. I focused on learning and diving into the things that were interesting to me, and filtering a many great things that were interesing and letting those core healing practices emerge organically. I now feel like im arriving a stage, where i can truly allow for opportunites to come, that will help me dive to the depths of some of these realms that ive started digging in. Whether its a 21 day meditation course, or a month long ayuhasca retreat, im reading to get deeper. In addition, my relationshpi with petrina highlighted a desire that i had for a family, one of these days, a most unconventional family, and i believe that in this chapter of life, i will start to arrive to a place of emotional stability and groundedness.

In addition, i had an interesting experience, as i was showering during the trip. I could feel, very clearly, how much energy i had been storing in my dreads. This was stale energy that id been carrying around with me, weighing down on me for weeks, through pai and chiang mai. It was a profound experience, washing away all of this old, stale energy that was no longer serving me. I cant even explain how much lighter i felt after the shower, after coming to the understanding of just how much we carry with us and within us from the past and if we dont take time to cleans and wash, it really does build up.  it was awesome (like actually awe-some)

Another huge take away, was was omni present during the entire trip, was the idea of depth. I think for my entire life, ive been searching for depth, in almost everything that i do. Ive been trying to find tools to allow myself to experience the world in a more subtle and deeper way. During the trip, i feel like a door was opened that allowed me to see just how deep things can be in relation to how deep i have been living. It was truly humbling to see just how much of the mountain i had left to climb, but to see that there was a direction and deeper conciuosness (ironically, weeks later i would start my ayurvedic yoga/bodywork therapist trainging, where i would be consistantly practicing going to the depth of myself and of the world around me.)

Indulgance vs. discipline vs. balance

Lastly, something that petrina brought to my life, was this question between when its right to let go and indulge, when its right to hold back and be disciplined and how to find the balance between them. Obviously if you are always disciplined, you lose out on letting go, and living in the moment to some degree. On the other hand, if you are always indulging, it may be harder to reach a more sublte reality, or a deeper path.

An example of this would be, if i ate the entire cake by myself, i would miss out on a much deeper experience of sharing with others (a more eudonomic happiness vs. just sensual pleasure), or i would be trading sensual pleasure for pain and discomfort in my body later on. Or very simply, giving into sensual pleasures constantly, will be atempting to fill a void, that will just grow and grow (as both max and zen buddhism teach)

Having said that, if im constantly holding myself back, i may deprive myself of the simple and beautiful pleasures of life. In my attempt to get deeper, i will miss a very important lesson, in letting go and being present with what is, in flowing with the environment vs. trying to control everything. 

It’s been a very interesting idea to play with and observe in myself

[kurok666]

Lucifer x Reader : 21

a/n: Hello Tumblr, been a while, but im back and heres some luci to start you off 

Paring: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Plot : the reader sees Lucifer's true form 

Warning : pretty depressing 

You have no idea how much it hurts right now.

The world was spinning all around you. You didn’t see people, places, even some sounds. The world was blur, a swatch of different colors, bright lights and loud sounds. How did you get here, why were you here anyway.

Oh yeah.

Its started with the death of your father. Your mother left when you were barely a year old, leaving you with your father. He was a loving and caring man and did everything he could to give you all you need. In return you studied at school and college, being straight A student and working hard as a trainee at LAPD. Your dad was proud of what you have become but he couldn’t see you grow anymore. He was killed when a drugged and armed teen crashed in to his house and shot him 6 times because of his hallucinations.

Everyone at the police department knew what happened and seeing their pitiful glances and you, saying their sorry for what happened and for you to stay strong.  The only one who understood you was Chloe only because she knew how it was.

At first you kept it together, getting a promotion to be Chloe’s official partner and in progress becoming close friends. And of course as you worked with Chloe you worked with Lucifer as well, you didn’t know why but for some reason you believed he was really the devil. Something a bout him just yelled danger to you, but you weren’t scared of him if anything you were interested in him.

But of course you weren’t prepared for what will happen, on one of the cases you had you decided to play bait for the suspect, the catch was no one knew that so you went after the suspect alone. There was an ambush and you were only able to call the first person on your phone, who was lucifer, you only had enough time to yell out the address before your phone was crushed while still in your hand , breaking your wrist and a few fanfares along with it. But that was the least of your worries.

They tied you up after beating you almost to a bloody pulp. The smell of your own blood filled your nose and its taste was prominent in your mouth. You didn’t feel your legs nor arms at this point. With yes barely open you saw a light on the other end of the room and soon after screams of pain were heard as the suspect ordered his men to go see whats up.

All you could see was a silhouette of someone. In got closer and closer until you finally saw its face.

“Lucifer?”

He didn’t hear your weak voice but he saw your state of being and you swear you saw his eyes flash red with anger. “Oh my , is that really how you treat wemen my good sir” you hear him say as he grabbed the suspect by the collar of his leather jacket, the suspect begged for Lucifer to not hurt him, at this you saw Lucifer smirk, his iron grip still on the man.

“Oh but look at the girl right there, you treated her so well while I wasn’t around I simply must return the favor.”

“W-What are you!?- NO! NO! NO! STAY AWAY! LET ME GO PLEASE !!!! DEVIL ! DEVIL! DEVIL!!!”

The man was yelling and crying and you looked up to see what Lucifer did.

You regretted ever looking up.

You saw Lucifer’s face and your eyes widen. He looked like he was burned all over with that red and black skin, his yeas were pure red looking deep in to the suspects eyes as he cried for him to spare him and let him go.

“Lucifer?...”

As soon as he heard you calling him he looked at you, face back to looking human, but his eyes. They were filled with what seemed worry and fear.

Your heart was pounding at a million miles per hour but you didn’t move or look away at all.

You just stared at him .

A day.

A week.

A month.

As time went on the nightmares didn’t end. His eyes were burned in the back of your mind. About a week ago it got worse. You couldn’t take it. You cant be around Lucifer much longer. You left the LAPD and so far you didn’t like the jobs you got offers for. It just wasn’t your thing.

And now here you were on the streets of night time LA, aimlessly walking around. You were tired of being awake, you just wanted this to be over. You barely felt your feet hit the ground so when a group of people were passing by people pushed you only noticed it when you were inches off the ground. You closed your eyes, preparing for impact but in never came, instead you felt a strong hand on your upper arm.

“i-im so sorry, I didn’t see where I was going.” You say timidly, not looking up at the person as you got back to your feet.

“its no pro-“Y/n”?”

You heard the familial accent and felt cold shiver go down your back. Looking up you see the man your so afraid of. You didn’t move from your place but as you looked in to his eyes, that were filled with worry for the first time in a while, you didn’t feel as scared as you have grown accustomed to.

“why did you leave “Y/n”, is it really that hard for you ?” he asked, trying not to come of a threatening to you . it kinda worked.

“L-Lucifer … its not just hard … its-its… You have no idea how much it hurts right now. I believed you in a way … but I never thought … I … I really liked you … you know …  ” you say, tears started to form on the edges of your eyes.

“I couldn’t look at you after that day … because I … I didn’t see the flirty, sassy and sarcastic Lucifer I knew … I saw the Devil … your red eyes … I see them in my nightmares and it tears me apart because I want to believe that  your not how you have been depicted in the bible and other books. I want to believe that your not evil, that you wont hurt me, but … those red eyes I saw … I’m terrified of you.”

Lucifer felt a hard and painful pang to his chest. He didn’t think a human would bring so much human emotion out of him. After the fiasco with the detective he was sure he will never fall under gods plan and will do as he desired, to never fall for a human again. But you were different, something in you just got him so interested. Was it the fact you believed him in a way? Or was it just the feeling you gave him after a day at work. He didn’t know and he didn’t understand it either. But what he knew for sure, he didn’t want to let you go like he did with Chloe. He simply wouldn’t be able to do it.

But seeing what you told him just now, he had a lot of mistakes to fix and he knows it wont be easy but he cant take seeing you this way anymore.

He carefully took your hand in his, you slightly shivered but didn’t pull away.

“If you let me … I can show you that I’m not what you fear I am … but only if you let me to” he said carefully, fearing if he says a thing wrong he will scare you off.

You look at him, trying to detect any sign of a lie or danger.

“Ok, I’ll trust you” you say slightly squeezing his hand.

A small smile appeared on the mans sharp features as he led you to his car to take you to lux where he can explain everything to you.

Maybe you wont run away this time.

[little-scarletstarlet]

1-91 why not :)

Omg thank you, sweetie Here they are, and sorry for taking so long (i’m so boring)

1:When did you lose your virginity?Almost three years ago, when i was 192: Rough sex or soft sex?Rough sex3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?Nope4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?Kitchen? I haven't had sex in that many places5: Favourite sex position?uhh....6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?Submissive7: Have you ever had any one night stands?never8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?bed9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?nope10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?i dont think so11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?i dont think i have any12: How often do you have sex?like... once or twice a month13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?nope14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?giving15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?uhh... getting my period? i can't think of anything else16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?Hurricane by Thirty Seconds to Mars17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?Trash (Miss America) or Put me in a Movie by Lana del Rey18: Are you into dressing up for sex?Yeah, i guess19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?bath? i think20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?do famous people count? Lana del Rey or Scarlett Johanson21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?I haven't, but i would, maybe22: Do you/would you use sex toys?i don't, i would23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?sent a picture, yes24: Would you have sex with your best friend?i've only had sex with my best friend25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)nope26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?when he grabs my boobs or butt while we're in public places27: Early morning sex or late night sex?late night sex28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?arms and hands29: Favourite body part on the same sex?everything30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:nothing sexual, but my blades31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:i can't think of anything32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]yes, weird33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:if you're on birth control and none of you have any stds, yes34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:chocolate?35: Worst possible time to get horny:in the middle of class or with family36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?love it37: How much fapping is too much fapping:multiple times a day, every day38: Best sexual complement you ever got:uhh im not sure39: Favorite foreplay activities:i don't think i have any40: What do you wear to bed?sometimes shorts and a tank top, sometimes just underwear, depends41: When was the first time you masturbated:when i was like 1142: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?nude, yes43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?never44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?i would in a public place, but not in public45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?i haven't, i would46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?bed?47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?lesbian, i don't like seeing dicks48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)not much, i'm too shy49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?love them50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?i don't think i'd like that51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?i don't know, haven't tried any52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?prostitute... i think53: Do you watch porn?sometimes54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?nope55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?nope56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?yes, i do it most of the time57: If you could give yourself head, would you?probably not58: Booty or Boobs?boobs59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)long story, i say i haven't, he says i have60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?i would definitely go outside shirtless and maybe try to have sex... can’t think of anything else61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?my bf62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?my bf63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?i don't have a penis, so no64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)clitorial65. What is your bra/penis size?34D 66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?nothing, really67. When was the last time you masturbated?last night68. When was the last time you had sex?last month69. When was the last time you watched porn?last night70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?i haven't, i'd probably buy a discreet vibrator71. Guys:Circumsized?----72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?boobs73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?clit74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?nope75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?nope76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?i can't remember77. Which wet dream was your favorite?i don't think i have a favorite, they're boring78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?my best friend, but i already do79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?Lana del Rey, Scarlett Johanson, Tom Hiddleston, and Bill Kaulitz80. Favorite sexual position?I don't have one81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?I don't like it, but i don't mind82. Are you into any BDSM?Yes83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Nope84. Do you like dirty talk?Yes85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?Quiet86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?During sex, yeah, multiple times, his grandparents87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?lesbian88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?nope89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?all the time, he's never available90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?i haven't91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?yes, and yes