#and now i'm going to collapse
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First night in the new apartment:
Giddy, satisfied. But so so so sleepy.
#it's three weeks of anxiety and stress wearing off#i only managed to unpack enough boxes to make my bed#put on clean jammies and take a shower#and now i'm going to collapse#i'm very happy to be in the new place
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A little animation I made of Dream and Nightmare for fun, it's pretty short and simple but not bad for my second go at animation I think ^^
The music is from here, I highly recommend listening to the full thing cause it's so beautiful!
Quick explanation for the song and a gif version under the cut
So when I was first dipping my toes into utmv stuff like a year ago, I made a slideshow for my sister with a bunch of au Sanses, let her guess what kinda vibe she thought they had and then gave her a list of names/ aus to see if she could figure out who was who (she did surprisingly well and I'm proud of her).
Well, when I first showed her pictures of Dream her immediate reaction was "this guy looks like he's from zelda" and it's just always stuck with me. Somewhere along the way I started headcanoning Dream playing some kind of instrument when they were kids and when I heard the pan flute version of zelda's lullaby everything kind of fell into place.
So here they are, having a little moment of peace finally, brothers together again c:
#UTDR#UTMV#Dream Sans#Nightmare Sans#My Art#Collapses into a pile of bones this took soooo long#Sandee if you're reading this you're SO much stronger than me I don't understand how you've made multiple whole videos#This was like 8 frames long and it sucked the life outta me -A-#But!!! I had fun#And I'm happy with it#It's pretty basic and a lil choppy but it's finished and it's mine c:#I had big grand ideas about having it fade between them as kids and adults#And also leaves falling and clouds moving in the background#But I don't have the patience for that lol#This is a good first project though ^^ I might mess around with animations more in the future#But I think I'm ready to go back to flat drawings that don't move for a bit#And I've got more kitties to draw for the future!!#And werewolves and vampires now too!! :D
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IT IS DONE. THEY ARE ALL HERE!!!
#homestuck#hs#gemstuck#fuckkk i'm not going to tag them all#chris doodles#including the fusion designs i did#i drew 25 designs over the past 48 hours#hoooly fuck im going to go collapse i think my artist brain is drained for like a week now minimum#oh my Gawd#anyways please look at them please appreciate them there's some blood in all the sweat + tears in these#ask me about them also feel free to send me fusion asks and One Day ill get to them#wont be soon but ill do it at some point
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It is time to see if the heroes really would attack a friendly Dark.
Behold: my artwork for chapter 9 of LuckyLectio's fic A Dark Among the Lights on AO3. I know I say this every time, but I wholeheartedly recommend reading it.
This chapter grabbed me by the heart between the symbolism and execution, and I'm really really looking forward to where it goes from here ^-^
Link to the speedpaint since Tumblr made me post it separately.
#my art#dark link#lu time#lu warriors#lu legend#lu wind#lu hyrule#lu four#lu sky#lu wild#finally i am free from this#i stg i'm not gonna do another group shot for a while#if you see any mistakes no you don't#what are you talking about his dagger's just hidden#over 18hrs of my life was poured into this and if i reopen it i might not be able to escape again#that said i do love it and i'm excited for the next chapter#gonna go collapse now#adatl
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I have to say when it comes for episode 107 I'm on the camp of this feeling wrong. Like, two gods' plan is to just let Ludinus just have his way? And just assume that the vessel won't get them? The Wildmother showed Orym the time Predathos came to town, it took out two of them in a blink and the Titans did the heavy lifting, it chased them from Tengar to Exandria without concept of navigation so it's foolish to think they won't do the same this time around. Running forever isn't a life even the infinite should be pursuing. Corellon is cheeky and flirty but it's a mask for being deflective and honestly a little cowardly. What you're asking and trying to persuade with gifts requires the Hells to entertain sacrificing one of their own, which they shouldn't (and I'm hopeful they won't, because that'd be to me at least be a character betrayal since they have always prioritized each other over the gods) consider doing even for any kind of promise, and treating it like it's a necessity, as if leaving like you've decided you want to do now is your 'sacrifice'? Even if being a vessel and still being of sound mind was a viable option with proof that it can work that way, there are too many unknown factors that it seems not even the gods have answers for, so it should all trail back to the fact that this is STILL not a risk worth taking and Ludinus should not be having his way.
I guess part of this feeling comes down to the fact that this was not what I was hoping to get out of the episode; I'm always open to being surprised (because I often am) but it has to be in a good way, this was not a good way. But we'll have to see where it goes, this is a proposal of two gods against a majority yet to say their piece and could still be heard out, I still trust Matt's vision and Abu DM's like smooth butter, but the god debate admittedly continues to wear on me - we were already in a state where we were open to talk but now they're conspiring against one another too? Can we not just focus on Plan A: Unite to Stop Ludinus from releasing Predathos? Evoroa literally said Ludinus' plan is to divide why are we sowing more division? Couldn't just kill Zathuda and take his dragon for Fearne...this should've been Bell's Hells' big win to make up for Otohan but now for me at least it feels a little sour.
#critical role#cr spoilers#c3 spoilers#c3e107#bells hells#corellon the arch heart#ludinus da'leth#predathos#fearne calloway#imogen temult#man when the stormlord sees that ring they're gonna go 'dude I called dibs on the lightning girl!'#it's good stats at least minus the last ditch 'meteor or death'#is that Imogen's relic now? Because I was still hoping for like a weather staff (I called it the Weathervein) for her - can she double dip?#but why save Zathuda? If you have questions there's the Speak with the Dead bracelet#Fearne at least may've won over the Unseelie by noting Ludinus' fey absorbing to one of their emissaries#and Ashton got to slushify Simul-Ludinus and pulled out most of the group from the collapsing temple#Braius this is like 3 gods you're trying to bid for you#but yeah Corellon I'm kinda disappointed in you because how dare you ask them to sacrifice Fearne or Imogen!#you wanna act righteous put yourself in the line of fire - don't risk Calamity 2.0 and plot to turn tail and run#Matron please tell me you're not the other god - help push the 'stop predathos first then we'll negotiate the after as equals' idea#can't rule out that this is actually Azzy M too
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congration
you done it
#collapses to the ground and turns into 32 perfectly cut tomahawk steaks on impact#today was. a lot of things skjdflgjdfgh#i didn't think it was possible to pull your pectoral muscles just. sitting down.#but i guess that's what happens when your college packs you guys like sardines for the ceremony#i'm still not free yet ! ! ! !#i have a major portfolio project to finish (unrelated to degree) ! ! ! !#but the longest leg of the journey is finally complete and will ensure i can at least get my foot in the door now#god though. i'm tired. i've been at this for like 8 years now.#what pursuing a degree part time while working and also dealing with sudden trauma will do to a man#also weird to think that i am just. no longer a student now.#i'll be a student again in like 2 or 4 years when i go back for my next degree but like#damnb. ya boy graduated college.
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You ever be totally immersed in a story and then you come across a line about a subject and you realize you know more about this subject than the author and what the author wrote down was completely wrong and it's not even that the author didn't do research so much as the author didn't even think this was something that even needed to be researched? And it drives you absolute cuckoo bananas?
#pretty sure vellum is pretty flame resistant since it's leather and not paper#why are you doing this to me Phong Nguyen#also I'm less clear on this point I'll have to look up the history of manuscripts but did first century Vietnam even have vellum books?#like Asia had access to tree paper well before Europe did i think parchment and vellum were European in nature#after the decline of the papyrus trade following the collapse of the Roman empire#and needing something that was more durable in wetter climates than the Mediterranean anyway#i know europe got tree paper from China (possibly via Türkiye? idr) but i don't know if europe exported vellum and parchment#given the advent of tree fiber paper in Asia it doesn't seem like there'd be much need for vellum manuscripts in 1 C.E Vietnam#*first century C.E not 1 C.E#wait a minute#did EUROPE even have vellum by First Century C.E??#i.. i have to go look this up now wtf...
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hello there it is Day 15 of me drawing stuff in October.
i am very dead. i got both a flu shot and a covid booster yesterday and everything is sore and awful. but i cannot let the awfulness stop me from drawing ✨
here are some funny Toppins for today. i drew them in some little taunt poses because i love these little guys. enjoy ❤
#bleeeehhhhhh. please dump my sore body out back thank you#god i hope tomorrow i feel better. but now i am gonna go collapse so peace ✨#my art#pizza tower#pizza tower toppins#october 2024#if i could hold these guys in my hands like Hamburger i'm sure that'd help me feel better...........
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You ever have an OC that absolutely fucking nobody should date, both for their own good and the ocs? Like; 'you need 1000 years therapy not the pressures of a committed romantic relationship.'
But you give them that relationship anyway, usually with a character who also probably shouldn't be in a relationship right now, because they're fictional and there for you to study like bugs under a glass. And unrealistically it works out despite being a train wreck because you're self-indulgent and want the characters to have nice things. Spicy nice things, with an occasional hint of bitter when you're in the mood. Plus a thousand AUs where it doesn't work out that don't ruin the enjoyment because 'that doesn't happen in the canon-headcanon'
#We can deal with the trauma in fiction or pretend the world is controlled happy endings.#which is why it's more fun than real trauma which doesn't have an on/off switch.#babbling#OCs#Vel#edgelord hours#petty murder boyfriends#without going into the utter plane crash that was durgetash#villainous nonsense#Vel has no grounding in the world around him so he has to build off of another person. First it was Bhaal and now Bhaal was gone#Without a 'centre' he just collapses. There's nothing else to hold onto#He needs to develop his own identity but is decades away from that#Congrats to the boyfriend you're now the sole anchor because everybody else left and if you leave the world faces Consequences#But nobody will tell you that because it will poison the relationship#Just hanging out together in an undefined relationship: a mire of attachment issues and intense feelings and buried resentment. And guilt.#And murder. For fun and profit.#And fluffy happy moments#I think I'm gonna make a Tav with like zero baggage and marry Wyll and live uncomplicated happily ever after at some point#As a palette cleanser
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I had the urge to draw this OC too (and make a cople of changes on her design). I think this is the first time I ever show this OC in social media.
I wanted to have posted it yesterday but it got late.
Not gonna say much about her, just let you know that she's a psychopath and will do whaever it takes to get what she wants. She's also an awful mother.
Smiling 99% of the time.
colorless ver under cut.
Had Villainous Thing on loop while drawing this.
#lyna arts#my art#oc#original character#drawing#digital art#sketch#I'm going back to drawing sun and moon#but I have to draw my OCs every now and then or I collapse#ASBW#a shadow between worlds#oc Ehllebeth
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anyway i swept the leaves out of my garage and built a shelf and those two actions were enough to leave me too tired to do anything about the fact that now there are two shelves in my room that only has room for one of them
#ragsycon exclusive#inside you there are two shelves#one was the right depth but was made out of cheap particle board and was literally collapsing under the weight of all my books#the other is an industrial strength workshop shelf but the shelfs themselfs are too deep and now rigatoni's tank is entrenched in shadows#so i have to get a lighting system set up for my boy i guess#but i don't have the beans to go back out to the hardware store so i have to hack something together with what i have in my house#and my display shelf that was on my old shelf is now the top shelf of my new one which is higher than eye level#so i need to figure out some sort of riser system so i can see anything i even put up there#not to mention find a home for my old shelf#all this to say; i'm sitting here typing this instead of doing all that#because i'm tired#but i can't lie down because my bed is covered in half the shit i pulled off my old shelf and haven't put on the new one yet#march of the gladiators dot mp3
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s2 episode 17 thoughts
whispers softly. man... i need a minute. shaky breath.
okay. i'll start at the top like always. AUGH THE TEARS. fighting them. okay. need to put on some sad songs to accompany the 45-60 minutes it will take to type all this up
so, i sat down ready to see where this was gonna go. in fact i noted that i was incredibly locked in. which i continue to believe that i was.
we see a submarine, which is a type of craft i just do not trust. even before all that went down last summer. too scary for me. but they see something giving off a signal. and despite being a cartographer ship, they have missiles. and they're gonna go towards the thing they see on the radar, because they were told to. which seems wrong.
but then all their power is knocked out!!! and they are ordered to surface. but how will they do that under a ton of ice?!?!
title sequence. i was expecting different than the usual "the truth is out there" but i guess it's just business as usual over here despite it all
back to where we left off: scully's on the phone with real mulder and fake mulder is in her room. she hangs up on real mulder and tells the fake one that it was a wrong number, which had to be confusing to real mulder.
she tells him to put his hands on the wall, and he makes some quip about being shot before and not caring for it, and for a minute i'm like oh shit, that's a very mulder thing to do- what if he is, in fact, real mulder, and it's fake mulder on the phone? but that theory didn't make much sense anyway and also it was quickly put to rest by the fact that he started beating the hell out of scully.
so time skip: real mulder shows up to the scene with his "sister", who says the alien hit man is gonna call and ask to make a trade: scully for his "sister", and yeah, quotes are verbatim, i was still not buying this whole family relation thing
but his "sister" says that she knows how to kill the alien hit man: you have to hit the base of his skull. maybe. she isn't 100% certain. and also you can't miss because their blood is toxic. which we actually did already know!
and he's getting suspicious. why won't she explain exactly where she has been all this time? and what's this deal with her "father"? he's yelling at her at this point and i get it because it's not adding up to me either
she says that the aliens have been trying to establish a colony on earth since the 1940's, and:
"it's their belief that the stewardship of the planet is being forsaken" <- okay yeah. can't argue there. some of us are trying, aliens. i am not one of the mega companies pouring nuclear waste into the ocean. but maybe y'all could do a better job. and she continues:
"and that by default they'll someday become the natural heirs" <- well hey. you were sounding reasonable but now you are not. have we considered that maybe the people already here could give it another go free from the shackles of the 1%? you're acting like it's an estate sale and buddy we're still living in the house. you lost me there, and i was willing to hear you out.
she says that all of the clones worked at abortion clinics to gain access to fetal tissue, so they could combine human and alien dna. which i imagine had to be a good pr boost for abortion clinics (heavy on the /s here)
and the killer is after them because their experiments with mixing alien with human dna were not sanctioned, so they're "diluting the race", which i guess seems like the thing they would be worried about.
he doesn't seem to fully buy it, because he says "that's a good story, but i've heard a lot of good stories lately" which is true!!! our old worstie ambrose chapel was a liar, remember? or at least someone impersonating him was doing some lying!
"i'm your sister, fox, you have to trust me" UM PROOF?? have we done a dna test??? you can't just show up like that!!!!!
skinner knocks at the door... but is it really him? or the shapeshifting hit man????
"why are the lights out?" skinner asks quite reasonably "orders from my ophthalmologist" he says, lying very easily for a man for loves the Truth. but it did make me giggle.
sister approves that it is really skinner! only after they set a trap to get him just in case it wasn't. again i ask why she can tell if it's the man or not but okay. we move past that.
he makes introductions: "this is my sister, samantha mulder" to which skinner replies "WHAT"
and yeah. i would react the same!!!!
(also weird to hear mulder used as a last name. to me that's just the guy. you know?)
NOOO his phone rings. it's scully calling from a payphone. "he says he's gonna kill me if you don't give him what he wants" oh. okay.
there's no time to explain to skinner what is going on so!!! just please trust me, he says!!! and he does. another point for skinner, who is like a strange uncle or cousin to me.
they go to do a hostage trade: "samantha" for scully. and is this the same bridge where they did the hostage deal for mulder at the end of s1? do they only have one bridge for hostage deals. might be a bit much to have 2 in one city.
skinner has a sniper in the bush, ready to shoot at the base of the alien hit man's neck during the exchange. okay save the day mister sniper please.
AUGH HOSTAGE EXCHANGE. it's so tense. i paused here to write how tense it was, which did not ease it in the slightest. the hit man has a gun to scully's head and it's recalling mulder's early trauma with hostage exchanges. they're waiting for the right moment to shoot....
scully's in the car!!!! but samantha tried to use the needle that kills the aliens and she MISSED and the sniper shot was messed up and then there's firing and is it the sniper? or is it the hit man? who is hit? it is very unclear!!!!! both hit man and samantha tumble into the cold water beneath.
he's still at the bridge, staring down into the place he last saw her. scully comes out to join him, and he says "you should be at the hospital" (she has gauze on her head and says she was just discharged)
he's staring into the water, trying to come up with different ways she might have lived
"why didn't you tell me on the phone that it was her?" "i couldn't tell you 'cause you'd never let me go through with it" AUGHHHHHHHHH.
(and knowing how the episode ends. i am glad this happened. but in the moment. this was a gut punch)
she asks how he knew it was really his sister (valid question, one i fear he should have asked as well) and he snaps about how could she ask that, and she's like, dude someone with your face and body just kidnapped me???? so the whole who is who thing is a little murky??
(she actually calmly explains this. without any judgement. judgement added was my own. but you can imagine that after this experience, hearing "he's an alien" might still be a bit of a hard sell)
okay, mr. mulder is on the scene. he has to tell his dad he lost his sister. I lost her, he says. emphasis on the I. as if it was an action that he took. fuck.
and his dad hits back with a "you LET this man take your sister?" and son mulder is CRYING. what the HELL this is too much. the man has suffered too much. i'm given flashbacks to the last time we saw him cry when he thought he lost scully forever.
PAUSE. i just know the actors were eating up these lines. ohhh i know they were sinking their teeth into them the way that good dialogue allows you to. when you tap into the soul of a character, a whole person who isn't even real, because the writing cuts to their heart. yeah yeah yeah i knowww they were rolling with it and it felt Good
back to the scene. his father is giving him a guilt trip about how his mother is going to deal with "losing her again". and he's apologizing and crying when his dad pulls out an envelope
"your sis- SAMANTHA" told me to give you this.
the implication that he lost the claim to be considered related to her????? is sooooo entirely messed up?? that is the kind of thing that ruins a person???? holy fuck??
he's sobbing while opening the letter, and it gives an address where she says they can meet up if they are separated... so maybe she's really still out there??? hope has been installed back into "she's not actually dead" camp
he rolls up to the address and parks in an area labeled "NO PARKING". grief will do this to a guy.
but just as he arrives, scully calls and says they found her in the river. NOOOOOO THE NEWLY RETURNED HOPE.... "whatever you're feeling, you can't blame yourself" she says, knowing that he must be putting his whole soul into Blaming Himself
but... her body is melting??? is it an alien body??? is the melting gonna turn into toxic gas?? scully don't stare at it you're gonna get all thick blood!!!!
back to mulder. this man is experiencing all stages of grief at once on the steps of a women's clinic. he goes in and pulls out a gun and boy i sure hope there are no women inside.
someone is in there. it's... someone with samantha's face??? saying that she knows "she's dead"????? "it was all a lie", he mumbles as he realizes he was played
YESSSS I KNEW IT. i knew that was NOT his sister. i knew it was too weird and coincidental to be true. this makes the grief of losing her dissipate entirely so i do consider this a win beyond me just being able to guess where the plot was going
and i'm thinking, how the hell is he gonna explain all this to scully? like, to mom and dad, you will have to play along with the whole "she died" thing, and while that is by no means easy, it is a concrete thing you can say and do. but scully??? how is she going to react to "someone pretended to be my sister and then got killed"
(i suppose mulder could tell his parents that DNA testing on "samantha's body" proved no relation, but that would still be complicated to walk through, because there was no corpse to prove that, you know, because she dissolved- maybe scully could make some paperwork to make it look real?)
back to the matter at hand: these aliens with the same face are saying that he must save their original source. and he says "i am not your savior" which- tea. set your boundaries king. in fact, had i been there, i would have done the opposite of protecting, and instead start blasting these aliens that pretended to be my long-dead sister.
but they have leverage... they know where she really is...... so he doesn't walk out....
hit man arrives!!!!! armed with his needle!!! and mulder goes to confront him, but he knocks him on his back, and sets a fire- mulder's weakness!!!!!!
scully is making a report. she cannot substantiate his claims of aliens. and she's got a cut on her forehead from hit man taking her. my poor queen :(
back to the fbi agent that died in the last episode. he has nasty cuts allllll over. like he was carved with designs. sorry for that imagery but i saw it and must describe it.
she thinks she can solve this case with the power of SCIENCE!!! what killed this guy, exactly? maybe if we can figure it out, the other pieces could fall into place
so the virus that causes the blood to thicken is inhibited by the cold.... which explains our earlier scene of mulder in the ice tub and her yelling about him needing to be cold...
DEEP THROAT 2.0 ARRIVAL? (sidenote does this dude have a real name? like while this was airing what were y'all calling him...)
he tells mulder that the last alien- the one who was sent to kill the clones, our shapeshifting hit man- has been tracked to alaska, and that you have to pick your battles to win the war. telling him not to go to alaska. can you imagine.
scully goes to his place and knocks but no one answers. and his newspapers on at the doorstep. so she busts out her keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey..... heart still melts that she has this.......
and HE KNEW SHE WAS GONNA INVESTIGATE???? he sent her an email..... and he's saying how he wouldn't let her risk her life... nooo don't you weaponize the earlier drawing a line thing, that was about chasing a very vague alien lead to an agent's death, not about investigating ur sister...........
she bursts into skinner's office. and then apologizes for doing so.
(i love this so much. such a tiny detail that tells us a lot about her character. that Need to be good and do the right thing and please those whom she looks up to. ohhhhh)
he asks to speak to her off the record, and it seems at first promising... but he won't help her get in contact with mulder. EVEN after she says please!!!! she is gonna cry!!!!!
skinner's bitching about mulder's actions being a violation of his oath, and she's saying that he saved her life, and he comes back with a "if he wanted or expected you to do the same, he would have told you where he was going"
skinner being a jerk... at this point i began to revoke the point i earlier gave him...
he looks deeply troubled though, and i was like, ohhh, mulder must have promised him to not tell her where he was going... i see into your plans, mulder (<- this is not what happened)
back at mulder's place. scully's searching for clues. there's an x taped to the window again, which must be something he just does sometimes. and there's ominous music.
she falls asleep on his couch, and i swear i actually felt my heart melting at this moment. the way she was curled up. subconsciously trying to hold onto a piece of him. only finding rest where he did. i can't even wax poetic about this because i can't put the words into the right shape. but it is gonna destroy me.
someone is knocking... but who?
DEEP THROAT 2.0?!?!
he tries to act like he just went to the wrong room, but she isn't buying it, following him and demanding to know where he really is
SKINNER IS HERE? GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR????? SKINNER ATTACKING D.T. 2.0??? the girls are fighting!!!!!!!
he makes deep throat 2.0 tell him where mulder is, even when skinner is pinned up and deep throat 2.0 is the one holding the gun, and he said "i've killed men for less", but skinner says that if you kill him, he'll be killing 2 men....... this gag seems to have worked
SKINNER is AT THE DOOR to mulder's place where scully is staying. and he is bleeding from MANY wounds. tells scully where he is without elaborating on the blood pouring from all over. okay skinner. you're real for that. you get that point i was tossing around back. and a bonus one, in fact.
so mulder's out on the ice, and usually him wearing a big jacket would spark joy in my heart. and i won't lie, it does a little. but there is also a LOT of tension going on, so it's very brief. feels wrong to rejoice in the simple pleasures of man in big funny coat when he just had to lose his sister and then learn it wasn't even her.
but he sees some sort of tower and he's going in!!! and a dead guy is spotted.
pause. at this point i am sitting here thinking, man, these episodes are good, definitely among the best i've seen so far. who let these men cook? can we get them back in the kitchen with more regularity?
someone is leading him deeper and deeper into the maze of this... station? sub? and i fear he is being led into a trap. but he finds a very very scared man and having a big man point a gun at him doesn't help with the fear, i'm sure. but is it really a sniveling coward... or the hit man???
and JUST as he almost had me fooled and wondering if mulder was gonna really shoot an innocent guy, BAM! hit man reveal.
mulder keeps asking where his sister is, even while being pummeled by this alien with super strength. and he says "she's alive. can you die now?"
mulder shoots at the alien and he misses the back of his neck, so his toxic blood is filling up the space, and things are not looking good at all. and the alien takes him out and drops him on the ice!!!!!
he's going to break the ice and let him freeze or hit him with the sub as it goes down, both very bad endings........
CUTSCENE TO WHERE WE BEGAN!!!!
scully is bursting in, telling this doctor that he has a virus that can only be slowed by keeping him cold, and he isn't buying it, but just as he tries to get her kicked out of the room, his heart stops, so she intervenes.
and she's calling all the shots- get 100 grams of this and that and a drip of this- and this doctor has had his shift hijacked by a better doctor. he implies that mulder might not make it, and she refuses to hear this out.
and she's.... gently stroking his hair... while this is going down........
and sitting by his bed while he's getting better...
(so are the counts for who has been in a coma now tied? justice is served)
and now she's doing the case conclusion:
"several aspects of this case remain unexplained, suggesting the possibility of paranormal phenomena" <- OHHH??? is this what makes scully a believer? are we gonna see some character changes?
"but i am convinced that to accept such conclusions is to abandon all hope of understanding the scientific events behind them" okay!!! we are getting a deeper look into her philosophy here. yes yes yes give me more. and more i was given:
"many of the things i have seen have challenged my faith and my belief in an ordered universe, but this uncertainty has only strengthened my need to know, to understand, to apply reason, to those things which seem to defy it"
and i love it. i love it so much. seeing how she understands the world, why she knows that there has to be an order to it all, and if it seems there isn't, it's just because she hasn't figured it out yet... and science did allow him to get better... the need to fight a good fight in the way she knows how... yeah... that's lovely...
and she's CRYING at his bedside and holding his arm when he finally opens his eyes. her smile. her gentle "hey". it's so innocent, seeing that he is okay, that he made it through the worst part of getting better.
"thanks for ditching me" aughhhhghhhhh.......
he says he didn't find what he was looking for, but he did find the faith to keep looking. ohhhhh. ohhhhhhh...
the way his faith was gone at the start of season 2, but now it's back, there's something worth fighting for, his sister is out there, there is a world worth figuring out..........
man.
at this point my friend was sending me texts and i was like queen i need a minute. i need a minute. to put these things in order. and honestly i STILL do!
it was an absolutely amazing duo of episodes. i truly loved the writing, seeing them pushed to the brink with each other and with themselves. seeing skinner come into fruition. seeing what motivates them both and how they see the world and how it is entirely different but still driven by hope and faith and a need to learn the truth. and the tenderness of it all. of her sleeping on his couch in his absence, thinking maybe he'll be home soon. of running her fingers through his hair while he was being revived. the fury of being blamed for the loss of his sister, the fury with which she screamed at deep throat 2.0 to tell him where he went off to, the fury of mulder realizing he had been lied to and that his sister had never come back at all. but there still being hope despite it all. because there are things worth searching for. and they can do it together.
man. it was a very good episode but your girl is gonna go watch a silly video because it definitely hit me right in the Feelings!!
#sniffles#my friend was texting me about the debate during this and i was like queen i can't handle the collapse of this country#AND sad scully mulder time at once. we need to space it out a lil.#man. i love them so bad. i am NOT complaining i love angst. the angst lovers just also must recover at times#and they're not even gonna go to a fun time zoo in the next episode it'll be a SAD zoo!#with possessed animals!#maybe i need to shift the goalposts. where could they go now that zoos might be off the table...#mini golf. an arcade? the mall. museums. obviously museums. natural history museum. let her talk about the world. the bones#and look at the dinosaurs. yeah yeah i'm cooking here. they have all the smithsonians right there!!!#museum date. which they have done before!! but that was business related (end of the jersey devil ep)#let's have a purely “wow life is amazing isn't it” day at the museum#yes. this has been decreed by Law. it shall be what i think about now.#good times. good times.#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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Estinian Wyrmblood. The Azure Dragoon
Click for better quality [please]
#I'm gonna go collapse now#thebirdarts#estinien wyrmblood#ffxiv estinien#God I love this set of armor so much#It's cool af#But also its just funny how spiky his personality is and how it matches his armor#Maybe i will shade this#But in 3-5 working days#ffxiv art
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no one fucking talk to me I'm seeing the européen premier for tfone before it even releases in the states I'm having a heart attack I can't breathe GUYSSSSSSSS I'm I'm I don't even know I need to be put in a fucking straight jacket I'm about to tbrow up i think idk I'm shaking like a milksbake shake shake
#I'm going through the ten stages of grief#ignore the fcking french autocorrect on european I don't have the mentality to correct it right now#I'M DYING. GUYSSSSSSSSSS#I'M DYING IN SILENCE BECAUSE IT'S NIGHT GAHHHHHHHHH oh my god#I'm shaking so hard I'm about to cry#god bless cinema screenings#I CAN'T EVEN#ffucking ignore tbis I'm going insane this is like a rant but a good rant I can't even type of shaking so much and not becahse it's freezin#i'm so#fuckkkkkkkkk#transformers one#transformers#gonna wear my elita top and have the best swag ever no one there will be able to compete#This film has been my life since the title was first announced fuckkkk I'm going to cry#I literally shat my self when I found out god I'm yapping so much I panick yap I panic yap so much can you tell i panick yap#yapping#I'm not even joking I collapsed on the floor
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard
#it's so physically demanding broo ToT#idk i feel like im just weak af because some people there seem to do it so easily and i can barely#do half a day#and they want me to do a full day tomorrow bro#like#I'm so tired after half a day..#i genuinely feel like i might just collapse or something#i do want that bit of money tho but it's sooo exhausting#i went there for half a day today and it killed me bro i was just lying in bed#and i didn't want to fall asleep cause it was like noon already but#i didn't even have the energy to look at a phone lmao#well it's gonna be over this week probably cause#the raspberries are going to stop growing in a few days apparently they're saying in 2 days#we're going to be done#I'd love to make more money but I don't think i can fucking do ittt#its so physically demanding whyyyyy#and why are there grandmas working with me in that field and they seem just fine BROOOO TOT#but yeah now that im thinking about it this also might be part of my problems cause#im soo much.ore irritable rn just cause im literally exhausted all the time ughhh#i came back home 3 days ago and i haven't even had the time to sit down at a desk and draw something#not even mentioning energy aughhh
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