#and now i'm going to bs as AGAIN | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lazylittledragon · 10 months ago

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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

#ramble #yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am #and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks #i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me #one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know #i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary #some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier #and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless #signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow

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lumisails · 4 months ago

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Black Sails really changes everything, especially if you're a pirate fan. Which may sound obvious but what I mean is... I've always loved Pirates of The Caribbean so fucking much, some of my favorite movies of all time. And then today I... Was looking at this Jack Sparrow figure I have and it... Dawned on me. The whole thing about pirates being stories. Being portrayed as a stereotype of the actual people who lived through that era, people who were probably closer to what we see in Black Sails than what we see in PoTC... And yet, we grow up with these stories. "Stories they tell their children". Treasure Island is a children's book. Most of the stories that feature pirates are meant to be told to children. It's just...Insane how now, at 32, I'm presented with something that changed my entire view on something that has been with me ever since I was a kid. I can't even remember when I started going crazy about pirates?? It may have been bc of PoTC when I was like 11. But I know that I have watched Muppet's Treasure Island at a younger age and many of the things I watched growing up featured pirates in some episodes like Pokémon, Powerpuff Girls, Spongebob. Freaking Peter Pan and all of its adaptations.

And the same could be said to other types of figures that we mostly know stereotypes of. Fe, I am a Norse Pagan and I research and learn a lot about the ancient Norse people and they are very different from the stereotypical image we have of Vikings. And these are the examples I can think of rn because they are the ones that are most present in my life, but I'm pretty sure it goes beyond pirates and vikings.

And then, you can go beyond historical stuff. What about the way we see people who are not from the same culture as ours? Especially poc cultures. All we know are stories and said stories are often painted in a bad light. Sure, these people can advocate for themselves, but not everyone will do their research and try to learn what's beyond the stories.

This post definitely went way farther than where I first intended when I started it out lol. But I hope it all makes sense and that I don't sound completely insane. But at the end of the day, Black Sails changes the way you view the world itself.

#black sails #wow it's 1h30am and I'm here going nuts thinking about stories being true and untrue and whatnot #and how that relates to pretty much... everything like society as a whole and--#me a few months ago oh ppl are saying bs is not queer enough that sounds unfair from what I've heard about the show #maybe I'll watch it for funsies :)#me now well shit I will never be the same person ever again #lumi rambles

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loumauve · 2 months ago

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the little girl at the bus stop just had the most enthusiastic, info-dump-y of rambles about how the bus that's coming is "literally the best bus" bc it's apparently bigger than the others which you "can see from its shape" and how great this bus ride is going to be

#so precious I stg #I adore this child that I don't know so much #and the lil boy listening to her giving her all attention was also very precious #then again I'm in a good mood anyway since I get to leave at 2 pm instead of 3 since I started work at 6 am #which was mostly to let the electrician into the rooms he still needs to check and test #and my boss was very kind and nice in his response to my long message about all the bs at work with my colleague #so I have the go-ahead to refuse to join the meeting on Friday which is great bc that was the biggest worry #colleague lady was still in a shit mood all day and fairly rude when I asked her a question ABOUT THE TASK SHE WAS MEANT TO DO #BUT WASN'T DOING bc she was “busy” as always and being short-tempered with everyone #but oh well. not gonna ask her abt anything anymore unless it can't be avoided. may she stew in her own frustrations #I bought cookies yesterday on my long walk home past the lovely paeonias at the park #so I'm gonna do my best to have good days anyway #the other colleague I had a tiny bit of beef with bc he kept closing tickets prematurely and I had a nice chat #and have come to an agreement on how to avoid this issue from now on bc apparently he's also doing five jobs at once #so fingers crossed that works for us but either way no hard feelings which is nice

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ellebeesknees · 15 hours ago

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#to delete later #it's been 4 months since Dad died #that's so short when we say it but it feels like so long #a lot has happened in four months and I'm really sad he's not here for some of it but really glad about others #he would be so disappointed in this election result #I catch myself wanting to ask him about political precedents a lot and I can't #he was a political science major and so invested and interested in it and he hated Trump and every bs he does so much #when he was in the hospital Mom and I both tried to jokingly give him reasons I keep fighting #Mom told him she'd sell his beloved cars if he didn't make it (and now we have to and are)#I told him he needed to stick around to vote #but it was shortly after that debate between Biden and Trump and he was so so depressed about how badly it had gone #when Biden dropped out I wondered if he'd have felt more hopeful or if he'd think it was too late anyway #I'm so angry and depressed that I feel sort of numb until I don't but then it's wrapped up in missing Dad here being pissed along with me #anyway #he'd set a radio somewhere in the garage to play automatically for however long because he liked to go hang out there in the evenings #we can't find it but I think it's in the corner behind some boxes #so randomly we'll hear music if we go there for something and we're just like “Dad's listening to the radio again”

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ridiculously-over-obsessed · 11 months ago

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I swear, this is the last ever New Year that I ring in with people who don't value me or my time and efforts. This is the last year that I spend the holidays etc feeling utterly despondant and miserable. This is the last time I spend the 2 weeks that encompass Christmas, New Years, and my birthday with my cunt of a mother and sister. They have had almost 25 of them in some way or another, and this is their last. I'm done.

#max rambles a lot #pissed off exhausted and ready to go to bed now tbh #i worked really hard to try and make the most of the fact that i'm stuck with them #i bought us some fun card games for xmas to try and give us something to do together #and they just half heartedly sulked through it and then pissed off upstairs again less than an hour later #i'm done trying and i'm done caring #if i'm ringing in the new year by myself then so be it #seems a fitting end to this crap shoot of a year tbh #like it would be one thing if i was choosing to spend it by myself #but yeah i've put a lot of effort into trying to make the best out of this and they just both fucked off #mums watching whatever bs tv show she like this week and furthering her emotional affair with a married man #my sister who said she was tired and wanted a nap is actually on a discord call and yelling and laughing and screaming with her friends #so yeah fuck em i'm done making an effort to make things nice or easy or whatever #fuck 2023 tbh what an absolute cunter of a year #gonna make myself a drink and see if i can write anymore of this current chapter of tmwyh(icfit)#might get it out in the first couple of days of 2024 who knows #anyway happy new year ig

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fastfists · 6 months ago

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Oh, since I should mention...my Knuckles doesn't really have a 'set age' per say. On his bio while it does say 16-19, I kind of leave his age ambiguous just for my own peace of mind and sanity. ...might change in the future but I just don't feel like trying to calculate any of that or dealing with certain people. Least at this moment.

#I'm Just Warming Up {OOC}#Mun Menu {Post}#16-19 is just the 'base' age for him BUT honestly his age is kept vague on here...=w=;;;#Again personal sanity reasons; I already had to deal with so much BS when it comes to 'minor' characters being aged up in other communities #His age is whatever in the grand scheme of things for me #Besides if we go by logic when he first appeared to now...Knux would be well into his least early 40s at tops #And you know if SEGA let them fucking age =3=;;;#So yeah; if we ship...do not worry about the age too much - he'd be adjusted to your character's age roughly

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virgothozul · 10 months ago

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I love your work virgo!!! I think you are a super cool human and amazing artist. I used to follow you on twitter before I left the platform, is there anywhere else you post your nsfw work? 🫣🫣

Hi Thank you !!! 🥹💕💕 for now I don't post nsfw anywhere ahah 🫣😳 but also I didn't think anyone was still interested dfgjhsdfg idk what would be an ok / easy / convenient platform for adult content.🤔 so.. if anyone wanna send suggestions 😏

#tumblr has the adult or whatever cw widget when posting but idk if it works well ??#ever since the big tblr cleansing something like 5y ago I havnt even tried to post nudity here but maybe it's ok now ?#i have no clue tbh #I haven't killed my twt but I don't have any energy left to be active there and make efforts only for misterX to get more clicks for his bs #j'ai la flemme comme qui dirait #but also going to yet another platform seems like sm work again ? it needs to be worth it I mean #idk I'm open to your suggestions if you have any #anon #people are so sweet istg thanks anon #i love that I'm not the only freak that daydreams about fictional intimacy and sexy stuff

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straightlightyagami · 10 months ago

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you know until relatively recently i thought i'm at least like.. noticeably above average appearance-wise, i took it basically as a given since i was a little kid. but then i realized i'm actually ugly as fuck and nobody would ever pay any attention to me or find me good-looking or hot or whatever and i will be alone forever and die alone. so.

#iso.txt #vent post #obviously not posting a picture of myself so this is a pointless post. but it's better this way #i like the fact that lots of people here pay attention to me and it's because i'm smart and funny and say interesting things #every few days i realize this and start crying about it like some kind of idiot. i should get plastic surgery to fix all this but idek what #i told two of my friends about this and they gave me some nonsense about society and so on so thats basically confirmation lmfao #like if someone who is conventionally attractive asked you that you would Not fucking say that.#also some bs about how maybe nobody ever expressed any interest in me bc they don't think they'd have a chance. riiiiight lmfao #ik it's so superficial but i hate all of my features so much me being born was a mistake #i know that the fact that BASICALLY NOBODY EVER TRIES TO TALK TO ME is an indicator of that anyway #it just actually hurts like. i hope it's just bc where i live i'm not good at the language but maybe that's just cope #i just don't get it. i'm always better dressed than the majority of people in my classes. in my opinion.#like being presentable and shit matters doesn't it #maybe it's just that i sit in the front row and nobody there talks to anyone bc we actually want to take notes #i do have 'friends' but i don't get it. i don't get it how do you just 'meet people' who would ever pay attention to me.#the number of times i talked to someone who i wasn't introduced to by someone else is TINY #it's so unfair bc i'm like smart and funny and so on #sometimes if i squint im like well *i* think i'm kind of good looking. but LITERALLY NOBODY ELSE does #people only say that when they're trying to be nice.#now i'm thinking this type of post is going to make ppl think i post like a girl again and it's making me more upset but whatever idc idc #at best i'm 'cute.' people call me that a lot. i'm cute like a little kid is cute. i'd never be anything else to them.#i know it 'doesn't actually matter' but maybe it matters TO ME #basically any time i look in the mirror im reminded of all the reasons i ever wanted to kms

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boinin · 1 year ago

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*screaming*

HIOOOORIIIIIIII 😫😭😆😁🥳🔥⚽

*confused, normal volume*

Sendooooou? 🤨🤔🤷‍♀️🥳🍣

*quietly*

Kiyora 😔

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dazais-guardian-angel · 7 months ago

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delighted that i'm so much more fond of chuuya at this point than i was just a couple years ago. it took the stormbringer play, the cannibalism play, and the fifteen manga (still haven't gotten to those two novels in their entirety, I Will Soon I Promise), it took 6ish+ years, but i can confidently say I Get It Now. Now i just need asagiri to break him (affectionate) in the manga and actually give him a character arc already <333

#i went through my own character arc okay i have Learned #still don't really get it from the pre-light novels era but i definitely get it now #he's actually written so well in those lns it's astounding. now fr if only that could be transferred to the actual manga *sigh*#if you can't tell i'm still so pissed and betrayed by the meursault arc. on all fronts lol but chuuya was one of the worst victims ughhhh #i may be hyped about this fyodor shit rn but do not mistake that as me forgetting how angry i still am over all that anticlimactic bullshit #happy birthday chuuya you really deserve so much better </3 #been thinking so much lately about what asagiri is planning for him. or if he's planning anything at all. the signs are so contradictory!!!#i know the fandom made him a huge thing from the early anime days when he probably wasn't meant to be more than an extreme side character #why? again i still don't understand (shipping. it's shipping okay; that's why i was always unfairly biased against him lmao)#but even if that's the case then he wrote the light novels that are SO GOOD so like!!!!#now there's buildup!!!! now there's expectations for him!!!!!!#you can't just never have verlaine and adam not come back in the story again at some point #in the same way that ango did from a light novel #and how oda HAS to be addressed by the end of the story #and all the lore bs in 55 minutes #just WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING WITH CHUUYA ASAGIRI. I NEED TO KNOWWWWWW #THE SIGNS ARE VERY WORRYING BUT IN A COMPELLING WAY AND I NEED THEM TO PAY OFF SO BADLY #me going literally insane lately over a character i still claim to not be one of my favorites. lmao

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eifri · 1 year ago

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i wonder where all these notifications are coming f-

#ooc.#tbd //#logs off of my multi after complaining about bots only to see this bs #ok. im normal #anyway repeating the sentiment here i'm off meds and very stressed/sensitive but i should be getting my puppy in under a week on my birthda #sdfsf might also start replaying xvi on new game plus today #im just trying to finish doing everything i can do for my apartment first #and finish ordering all the things i need :whyy:#i tried drilling a hole with a screwdriver and it's so bad i ordered hole filler #that is how my life is goingr n JKFHD #returning a drill i bought secondhand because it isn't working and ordered a new one #but im going to ask if the people assembling the last couple of my furniture things on the 5th can put the anti tip things in my wall #when they are here anyway #i'll need to tidy some more stuff up but just trying to chill and finish ordering stuff for now #i will hopefully be able to write again soon #i keep choking up whenever i think about xvi still

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artekai · 2 years ago

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I also can't help but fear for the future of my aroace Aloy headcanon 😔 That exchange at the end of Talanah's quest does feel like they were setting something up, and now we have "[Seyka is] unlike anyone Aloy's ever met"? 🤔

It would be great to have Aloy be explicitly queer and have that be integrated in the plot in a way that cannot be skipped, don't get me wrong! But 1. I'm not raising my expectations, and 2. it was a nice run with aroace Aloy if they do choose to go in that direction :')

#understandable if they want to confirm aloy sapphic just as they confirmed lis of course! i just #idk. i don't necessarily think they need to experience attraction the same way/use the same labels because of dna #but that's subjective. it'd be great if aloy was explicitly queer in any case :')#i could just do without the casual amatonormativity in those lines either way you know? :')#idk. maybe i'm reading too much into it again #but my blog is my place to read too much into things so you signed up for this lol #or maybe the fandom's speculation got to me haha #ramble #bs #ok now time to go watch the meet seyka video and make more assumptions

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m00ngbin · 11 months ago

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Warning(?) I'm complaining about my grades because I feel like I'm DYING and they're really not bad but oh my god

As of today I have a C in my history class I hope something terrible happens so I don't have to think about that

#im kidding sort of #mostly not #im going to try not to spend my whole winter break beating myself up about this #but ik i will anyways #it's not my fault i had like a mental health crisis last month but it really feels like it is #i should have kept up anyways i cant live with this #I'm doing remediation its going to be ok #or will it #i dont know if it will be ok #i feel like i woke up out of a haze and now im aware and i want to do well again #like if i was about to run a race but right before we start someone comes up and breaks my leg so i have no chance of winning from the star #im not technically failing anything i have all As and Bs minus like two classes BUT those two classes are super high level #amd im so fucked if i cant compete in those classes #i cant get dropped idk whst ill do #bawl my eyes out probably #ive had a really bad day #i have ONE. DAY. to get the remediation for these two classes it and that is IT #tomorrow is all i have and its a short day so i have even less time #the world is against me and my academic success #blood sweat and tears #lots and lots of tears

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artificial-horizon · 1 year ago

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getting rejected from one ATC company while getting accepted to the next interview stage with another ATC company on the same day... why r u doing this to my emotions

#the sadness of the former definitely outweighed the happiness of the latter for a few days lol i was ANGSTYYYY #now gotta focus on the opportunity i have and try to ace it #i can apply to the first place again in a year anyway so i'm TRYING to get some sense of hope from that #at least the next interview stage at the second place means going abroad and doing tests in person aka i get to travel on a plane YAY :)#if i can get my adhd ass brain into shape i will actually be spending the next month preparing for the tests #somehow #i need to tame my rabid relentless chaotic obsession with getting my dream job #and turn it into a laser focused weapon of determination and drive #because i WILL do this no matter fucking what #i've also booked a flight lesson for next week (!!!) as a pick me up after all the bs going on recently :D #RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED for it cos who can be sad about life when you're flying thru the sky <3 #also wanna see if i can get any fun ATC-related insider info and nerdery from the instructor etc #i hope they can tell me how to get into the control tower...#atc

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megkuna · 2 years ago

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cried for twenty minutes in front of the stove waiting for my grilled cheese to cook except i didn't add enough butter and it turned out so mid i could sob again, honestly

#ngl between shitty dating and half of my friends not even trying to make an effort to see me #i'm in such a horrible state right now. i feel so alone again #i used to think that i deserved to be lonely when i was younger because i was kind of a dick very often #and it turns out trying to be kind and vulnerable and honest with other people is just worse #i feel now that i'm constantly begging for company when people used to beg for MINE #like do people really hate themselves so much they only want to be with people who don't care for them #also terrified because i'm moving in august and it'll just be this same bs again or worse #i just want to go home where i feel safe and loved tbh i'm tired of this bullshit #my family was right nobody will ever love me as much as they do. it's actually so fucking sad

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deansblorbo · 2 years ago

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Oh god please noooo not today

Its literally my exam tomorrow and my family is falling apart i dont wanna deal with it now

#All i want is some comfort today i'm literally terrified its my exam tomorrow #Why is it that i have to be the mediator between their fights #I'm literally sitting here as if i am some couple therapist who has to deal with the tantrums of these people #Like just leave me alone from this i've been dealing with this since i was like 5 i just dont want to anymore i have got enough on my mind #Just when i thought my parents were going together okay again its just going downhill again #Both of them cant set aside their ego and they just go on with it ig #But they don't realise how much i'm getting hurt inside #Like they are the only immediate family i have and i had to deal with their fights and shouts almost my entire life #I feel like i regret vacating from my hostel now it was enough hell there but it was just loneliness atleast i had some peace there #My life is such a mess idek what to do i'm tired of bs

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