#and it turns out trying to be kind and vulnerable and honest with other people is just worse

[luna-azzurra]

do you have any advice for writing a love confession without making it grossly cheesy or awkward?

im writing one between long time childhood best friends that are EXTREMELY close and im so stuck

Since these two characters have been best friends for a long time, the confession should feel like it’s built off their history together. Maybe start with a memory that’s meaningful to both of them. It doesn’t have to be a huge, dramatic moment, something small but personal, like a time they supported each other or a running joke they’ve had forever.

For example, one of them could say something like

“Remember that time we got caught in the rain walking home from school, and you made up that ridiculous song to keep me from freaking out? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately… and I realized that’s when I first started seeing you differently.”

When people confess their feelings, especially in a real and vulnerable way, it’s usually not in flowery language. If you try to make it too poetic or dramatic, it might feel forced. Instead, keep it honest and straightforward. They don’t need to say “I’ve loved you all along” in some grand, movie-like way. Let the confession come out more naturally, almost like they’ve been fighting it for a while and finally just have to get it off their chest.

You could have them say

“I don’t really know how to say this, and it might sound weird… but somewhere along the way, I started seeing you as more than just my best friend.”

There’s no way for this kind of confession to be totally smooth, and honestly, that’s what makes it feel more authentic. They’ve been best friends forever, so there’s going to be nerves, maybe some hesitation or stumbling over words. Lean into that awkwardness, it actually makes the moment more relatable and shows how important it is to them.

Maybe one of them starts talking, realizes they’re rambling, and tries to correct themselves. Like

“Okay, wait, that sounded dumb, let me start over. What I’m trying to say is… you mean a lot to me, more than I’ve probably ever said out loud, and it’s kind of terrifying because I don’t want to mess things up between us. But I’ve gotta be honest, this is how I feel.” The vulnerability in admitting they’re scared to ruin the friendship makes it more heartfelt and real.

This is probably the most important part! These two aren’t just falling for each other out of nowhere, they’ve built this strong, deep friendship over the years. So the confession should acknowledge how much that means to them. Make it clear that the romantic feelings don’t take away from their friendship but add to it.

You could have one of them say something like

“You’ve always been the person I turn to for everything, and that’s not gonna change, no matter what. But lately, I’ve been feeling something more, and I can’t keep pretending it’s not there. I just hope it doesn’t mess things up between us.” This way, they’re emphasizing that the friendship is still the foundation of everything, but they can’t ignore the fact that it’s evolving into something deeper.

Overall, just make sure it feels true to the characters and their relationship. Don’t feel like you have to tie it up neatly with a perfect line or a romantic kiss right away. The beauty of this kind of love confession is that it’s messy and emotional, and it should reflect the complexity of their relationship. They don’t need to have all the answers right away. Let the moment be about the honesty and the fact that they’re finally admitting something that’s been building for a while.

Maybe end with something like

“I don’t know where this goes from here, but I had to tell you. You’re too important to me to keep pretending like I don’t feel this way.” This leaves room for both characters to process what’s happening without forcing a big romantic resolution right away. It’s more about them taking that first step into new territory, which feels more genuine and in line with the close friendship they’ve had for so long.

[megkuna]

cried for twenty minutes in front of the stove waiting for my grilled cheese to cook except i didn't add enough butter and it turned out so mid i could sob again, honestly

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

you know how you did bg3 types of yanderes, could you do that for castlevania? Like the trio and isaac, hector, dracula/lisa, carmilla, st. germain??

A/N: For reference, here is the one I did for BG3 villains, and here is the one I did for the BG3 Main Companions. Also, this is unedited as hell so if you see grammar mistakes, no you didn't. 

Castlevania Characters as Yandere! Types: 

Yandere! Trevor: 

Defensive. Calucative. Hardened. Trevor’s seen far worse than you, from humans and monsters alike. He knows the terror and the cruelty that lurks out there. He wants to shield you from it all, for as long as possible. He has this overwhelming need to prevent what happened to his family from happening to you. Even then, he knows your innocence won’t last; it couldn’t possibly. So long as you’re tied to him, you will know hardship. So as much as he babies you, and refuses to grant you complete independence, he is also distant, and frequently unaffectionate. In his line of work, people don’t die of old age; neither of you will be in the other’s life forever. Just let him love you the way he needs, when he asks for it, please. Everything else is so difficult in his life, you don’t want to add to that. Make yourself into the one piece of his life that is easy. And enjoy the easy while it lasts. 

Yandere! Sypha: 

Confident. Feisty. Unyielding. Sypha is always sure of herself. Everything she does, she does with 100% effort and full intent- your relationship is no different. From the moment she sees you, she’s sure she likes you, and she’s certain you like her. Any behavior that suggests otherwise on your part must simply be beginning relationship nerves. After all, she is a scholar and a Speak Magician. Her infectious optimism seeps out of her every pore. Her love for you knows no bounds, and she will not hesitate to throw herself into danger to prove it. I mean, she can conjure fire and ice instantaneously in her own two hands! Who wouldn’t want to be her partner?  Only some sort of complete and total asshole would try and turn her down, or worse, fight against her. She fights for what is right, and what is just. You wouldn’t fight against what’s just, would you? 

Yandere! Alucard: 

Intellectual. Sharp. Melancholic. Alucard is not a stranger to romance nor heartbreak. Losing the people closest to him has left him vulnerable, both emotionally and physically. Instead of processing his feelings, he bottles them up, until he can no longer bear their weight. He feels such pressure to remain composed, remain controlled, not animalistic, to go against the programming of half of his biology. At the same time, he is starving, desperate, and filled with an insatiable thirst for closeness. Such a complicated, disconsolate man, Alucard needs you to stay, more than anything. His life has been so lonely, and so hard; at times it feels like all he knows is loss and the cruel impossible whispers of desire. You need to stay. You need to choose him. He cannot take another heartbreak. It’s quite possible, given his role throughout history, that humanity wouldn’t survive another one of his heartbreaks either.  

Yandere! Isaac: 

Keen. Precise. Self-Righteous. Isaac has journeyed far on his quest for revenge, coming not only into a new land and new role but a new self as well. Gone is the former subservient, sacrificial lamb, who has risen into a stronger, wiser, seemingly benevolent king. Do not mistake this kindness for weakness, however. You must be either admirable or too kind-hearted to pose a genuine threat. Once you’ve caught his eye, prepare for an odd game of cat and mouse, you being the mouse of course. Isaac is not used to having friends, much less romantic companions. You must be patient as he learns the intricacies of your psyche. Surely, you must know he’s been analyzing it since you met? Be an honest, positive presence in his life, and he will keep you safe from all others who may do you harm. Treat him as the wise king he now sees himself as, and perhaps, he will ask you to be his queen. 

Yandere! Hector: 

Reclusive. Embittered. Suspicious. Hector has been forced to toughen up. Too late did he realize at the end of the road, that it is the people, not the zombies you command that can make or break a man. That is where you come in my dear. Following Lenore’s death, Hector’s purpose is up in the air, he is suddenly a puppet, free of its strings. He feels much wiser, but just as lonely. Hector cannot help but latch on to you, the first “normal” person to view him as human. He yearns for a simple quiet life, with a dog (a live one) and a partner to call his own. You’re perfectly plain, or perhaps, you’re just odd enough to make him look normal, and he relishes that. You have to understand that he can’t share much about his past. He can’t possibly tell you about his old life, no, no, no. He’s hiding it from you, hells, he’s hiding from it with you. He loves you dearly, he does. But he can’t trust you, not fully. A man with a history like his cannot truly trust anyone. 

Yandere! Dracula/Lisa: 

Nurturing. Captivated. Smothering. Dracula was not keen on humans before meeting Lisa; she bewitched me body and soul. And now the two of them have become enthralled by you. Dracula has learned the ‘other’ humans are not to be trusted, not with you, and certainly not with his wife. Lisa finds it unfortunate how she is no longer able to treat her former patients in Lupu, but she’s also incredibly thankful now that she has you to take care of! Ever the eager student, she still wants to learn so many things, and how wonderful of a practice dummy you are. Dracula is also eternally grateful that his wife will not be completely lonely; he knows how much helping her fellow humans means to her, and now that you’re here, Dracula no longer has to worry about keeping his wife (and by extension, you) to himself for eternity. 

Yandere! Carmilla: 

Prepared. Calculating. Cruel. Carmilla is a sadist at heart, there’s no denying it. She loves feeling the power she wields over all other people, humans, and vampires alike. For you to have caught her attention, surely you must be something special. Either you are particularly gifted in something she’s not (negotiations, necromancy, art, etc.) or you’re just so unbelievably precious, that she can’t help but want to steal you away for herself. She sees you as a possession, as a rare and beautiful gem, not a person. Even if she did ‘hear’ anything you had to say, she’d simply consider it further fodder to be used in manipulating you should it all come to that. She is not a woman who is denied, not by God, not by man, not by Dracula, and certainly not by you. Chin up, pet. Things could always be much worse. You could be thrown in the dungeons and left to rot. How lovely of Carmilla to instead treat you to more luxury than your kind could ever dare to deserve. For your continued safety, may I suggest showing a little gratitude? I mean it’s not like your life depends on it or anything. It does. 

Yandere! St. Germain: 

Wise. Inquisitive. Obsessive. St. Germain is a man who knows his mind. He knows a great deal about alchemy, and that alchemy, at the end of his days, will be his greatest work. That was of course, all before he met you. You opened up a whole side of him that he didn't know existed. Before you, his conquest was kings and courts; his acquaintances were mages and scholars! But now, in his effort to keep you from himself, you have become his conquest; his acquaintances are vampires and demons, all practitioners of dark magic. To him, it’s of little matter, so long as he can secure you, his one true love. To him, it’s the most important to have someone to share all his knowledge with, all that he’s achieved. To bask in the victory alone does not hold the same merit. He needs you at his side, he needs you to be invested in the great work. Without you, without your love, he fears he cannot achieve it. As such, he will do whatever it takes to get you by his side. And I do mean- whatever- it takes. 

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[weirdkpopgirl]

Cute | Haechan Imagine #9

Title: Cute

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none really

Word Count: 668

Author's Note: I can clearly envision Haechan in a scenario like this. To be honest he's one of my favorite members from 7Dream to write for, and I'm glad to post more content of him on this blog. I'm sorry this imagine is kinda short and I personally don't think it's that great. But it was coming up with the idea was still fun. Hope you guys like it ^ ^

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“You fell for me because I was cute?!”

The incredulity in his tone prompted you to blink in confusion, putting a brief pause to the mindless play with Haechan’s fingers. You sat nestled at the edge of the couch, cozied up between his legs as your back was supported by his steadily rising chest.

Your head turned slightly to meet his equally bewildered gaze. The expression he wore resembled that of someone who had just been deeply offended. This wasn’t exactly the reaction you anticipated when answering how you came to develop feelings for your boyfriend.

“Is that a problem?” you asked him skeptically. The male scratched his head with a sheepish smile on his face.

“No, I’m just surprised,” he replied, extending his hand to gesture with his fingers.“So let me get this straight. You didn’t like me for being handsome, cool, smart, or even funny. Instead, it was because I was cute?”

A soft chuckle escaped you, now amused by how he was in such disbelief. You sat up a little to face him better, so you could explain. “Well if we’re talking about first impressions, I found you kind of annoying because you were loud and joked around a lot.”

“Hey—” he started to protest before you held your pointer finger up to signal you had more to say.

“But I think it was the day you came alone to the cafê I was working at,” you continued, trying to recall the memory. “And remember how you got a brain freeze because you drank the smoothie I made for you too quickly? I don’t know, I just thought you looked cute.”

The boy beside you then covered his face with his hands, muttering, “Okay now that’s just embarrassing.”

Out of all his noteworthy moments that could have sparked interest in him, it was the one where he looked like an idiot.

You suppressed a chuckle, and gently brought his hands into yours. “Wait, I’m not finished yet.”

His deep brown eyes met yours, brimming with a blend of innocence and sulkiness. Gosh, he was even more endearing when he wasn’t trying to be. A warm smile stretched across your lips.

“It took about three months into our relationship for me to figure out that I loved you,” you admitted softly, nervously playing with his fingers again. “I realized that we’re both kind of emotionally closed off to people around us. But neither of us is afraid to be vulnerable with each other.”

Haechan could see the sparkle in your eyes as you expressed your fondness for him, and suddenly his eyes also glistened with emotion. 

“What is this? You weren’t supposed to get so serious,” he chuckled nervously.

A faint blush appeared across your cheeks, as you wiped the first tear from his cheek. Honestly, your heartstrings were also being tugged as you reminisced the memory of falling in love with Haechan.

“It’s true though. I’m so blessed to have you in my life, Hyuck.”

The tenderness in your voice only heightened his emotions. Sighing, he leaned his head back on the couch, trying to stop the tears from flowing. “Baby, if you say one more sweet thing, I might just burst,” he joked.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his dramatics, the warmth continuing to fill the atmosphere. Gently, you brought his face to your level and planted a soft peck on his lips.

“Was that okay?” you asked playfully, already anticipating the teasing you were about to receive from him.

Unexpectedly, however, Haechan blinked at you for a few seconds as if he were in a daze. Then without further hesitation, he pulled you closer and crashed you into a longer, hungrier kiss that poured out all the love and emotion he felt in that moment. As you melted into each other’s embrace, you were once again reassured that the two of you were meant for each other.

Sigh. Haechan really was the cutest.

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previous masterlist -> current masterlist

[piracytheorist]

The kindness surviving

As I can't stop saying, one of my favourite things about Spy x Family is how focused it is on humanity's innate kindness. Its premise is three lonely people finding a family (and themselves) with each other, the story's endgame is to secure peace, it's hopeful in the midst of its realism, and it allows characters to be vulnerable when it comes to family and connections.

And one more thing that is added to that, is how Yor and Twilight (to a less obvious degree) have retained their kindness and compassion through their violent lives and professions.

Yor started the assassin gig when she was just a teenager.

Adding to that how it was a choice she made out of despair and lack of any other choice, and how the Shopkeeper seems like a despicable person to work under (there's no moral merit to recruiting children for assassinations, let alone orphans with no other choices left), this could have easily made into a story of how Yor became cold and emotionless and cruel.

Instead, particularly thanks to having Yuri in her life, she's remained as kind as ever, even when she kills people. She doesn't torture her targets, would rather refrain spilling unnecessary blood, and she's careful and quick in her job.

And through all that, her priority has never been herself.

She's kind, almost to a fault. She's polite and when it comes to everyone else but her targets, she thinks they have the best interests at heart and can even be confused sometimes as to why some people behave in a rude or cruel way.

She's human. Her reason to start and continue being an assassin was to ensure her brother's carefree life, and now that she's bonded with the Forgers, they've joined Yuri in the way she wishes to protect their peaceful life.

It's showing that despite her violent work, her humanity has prevailed, making her selfless and nurturing. It's in our nature.

Twilight's case is handled differently, as he has denied himself any identity and attachments to ideals, aside from protecting the peace.

He's not supposed to "have" traits or a personality. He was trained to be able to adapt to any situation and become the role he's acting as. When he acts as a father, he can be kind and caring. When he acts as a terrorist, he can be cruel and violent. And when his job gives him no option but to kill people who stand in his way, he'll do it without remorse.

But again, like Yor, his reason to do everything he does is to ensure peace remains, so that no-one will have to suffer like he did. That's a very empathetic and compassionate motivation, and though the circumstances of his life made him bury it deep, the moment Anya cries and clutches onto him for comfort he's reminded securely of that.

As he is when he sees Anya smile.

He cares for the next generation and wants to provide it with a better future than he had. And while the previous season showed many moments of instinctual kindness (saving the kid from the charging cow, sparing the German shepherd, thanking Bond for saving Anya, encouraging Carroll Campbell to play fairly) and understanding of how humans can work together (his discussion with Desmond, talking about how despite different stances, people can still meet in the middle if they try), the cruise arc showed how he prioritized on making Anya happy. While at first he was confused by the concept of "having fun", he eventually ended up observing Anya and encouraging activities that would make her happy.

Again, after a certain point the "mission" is nowhere in his mind and he only worries how Anya's mood will affect her and the family. As he focuses on that, he turns compassionate, empathetic, and dare I say, sweet.

And I can't help thinking those are traits he doesn't have to pretend that much to show, if at all.

He's a master of manipulation and deception. He could act tooth-rottingly sweet to deceive his targets, but seeing how open and unprecedentedly honest he becomes with Yor, and how (even if he doesn't realize it) he actually learns to be a good father to help Anya with her mood, I don't think that's the case with those two (three, if you count Bond too!).

If nothing else, we (and Anya) have the advantage of hearing his thoughts, and while we joke about how "For The Mission" is his flimsy excuse to himself for the feelings he's developing for his family, it's truly important how he's started to not need the reminder; how he can instinctively care for them, because it's what his compassionate nature tells him to do.

And I think, just like Yor, it's very important and telling that through his life of violence and deception, his humanity has survived just under the surface and is starting to show more the longer he stays with the Forgers. He's not "learning" to be compassionate and caring; those are traits that already existed, but he had to cover with all his fake identities. However, since they were what led him to become a spy in the first place, the way didn't replace the motivation.

He's human, even though he willingly trained to suppress any such vulnerable spots, they could never be extinguished entirely.

This story is full of hope for humanity and how kindness can survive and prevail among anything else. Its characters would logically follow the example.

And I love them for it.

(Anime only here, don't spoil me for the manga)

[creachureboy]

I Trust You (Sniper x reader)

Notes

Once again something that's been in my drafts for a long time. Apologies if the ending is abrupt, but I did try to smooth it out.

You don't have to be asexual to read but my intention was for both sniper and the reader to be ace

Reader's flavour of asexuality is "i dont know what sexual attraction is, i just crave intimacy"

This was completely me projecting into writing because i was so confused about my sexuality so i hired sniper to help me figure it out

Non-sexual body appreciation

Established relationship

You sat beside Sniper in his camper, leaning against his side as the sharp scraping sounds of him sharpening his kukri echoed in the cramped space. Neither of you were sure how much time had passed since either of you had said a word, but you both remained peaceful in the silence. Like an ocean of trust, where not a word needed to be spoken for you both to know you enjoyed each others company - to feel safe.

But a thought tugged at your mind, one you had been meaning to bring up for a while. It itched and burned, causing your heart to skip, and you wondered if your boyfriend could hear it. "Mick, I, uh-" you leaned bacward into the seat so he wouldn't be able to see your face without turning. "I wanted to tell you about something."

He did not turn to you, he did not stop his actions. He only hummed low in his throat, urging you to continue.

"I've been thinking about what sexual attraction means to me."

He paused to see if you would continue, but piped up when you didn't. "Okay."

You leaned closer to his side, realising you wanted his warmth more than you wanted to hide your embarassment. "I don't find people sexually attractive - but you know that." You took in a deep breath, the warm and familiar smell of his van putting you in relative ease. "But I do find people-" you nearly stammered, but didn't, "you, physically.. uh, appealing. For lack of a better word." In reality, you knew exactly what word you were going for. "I realise, what I personally crave is the intimacy."

He stopped for a moment, and it was convenient how he tilted his face away ever so slightly, obscuring his expression from your view. "What kind of intimacy?"

"I want to feel like I can be completely vulnerable with someone-" you paused, "you." You leaned forward a bit, hoping to catch his eye contact. "I want to be able to be open with you about my body."

He observed his kukri closely, as if it wasn't an excuse to continue averting eye contact. It wasn't that he didnt want to look at you, he simply felt it was less invasive that way. "Do you.. not already feel that you can?"

"I mean- I do. But it's not that. What I mean is-" you gestured with your hands, as if it would help him understand, "like.. okay, tell me of this makes you uncomfortable." You leaned back to nuzzle your cheek in his shoulder. It wasn't that you didn't want to look at him, you simply felt less embarrassed that way. "I want to be able to touch your body. Not in a sexual way, but I just.. I admire it sometimes."

You paused, and Mick almost spoke up, but you continued.

"Your body is.. yours. It's so unique to you, and I find it so beautiful. I wanna touch it."

He continued sharpening his kukri, and you only vaguely remembered when he stopped. "I want to do that for you too."

"Oh." Your reaction didn't properly express how your heart leapt into your throat. "I just.. but I'll be honest, I feel so comfortable with you that-" you took a deep breath, "I don't think I'd be uncomfortable if became anything sexual. But I don't want to approach you with that kind of intention, y'know?"

He stopped again.

You frowned. "Did that make you uncomfortable?"

"No."

"Okay, good." You tried to peek over at his face, which was difficult to read as always. But with the way his eyes were trained on his kukri like it was the only thing in the world, you could tell he was simply nervous.

He then stood up, walking over to put away his weapon and the supplies, before taking his vest off and hanging it on the back of the driver's seat.

You stood up to follow him, giving him a hug from behind and resting your head against his back.

"So, uh, where do I start?"

You looked up at the back of his head, but noticed his reflection in the rear view mirror, his eyes darting around nervously. "What do you mean?"

"With touching you."

You smiled sheepishly and hummed in thought. "Already? Um, well-" you twiddled your thumbs that were aroind his waist, "is there anywhere you've ever wanted to touch me, but were afraid to ask?"

He ran his fingers along yours, and you watched his Adam's apple bob in his reflection. "Your-" he paused, "back."

"My back?" He would often hold onto your bare back to pull you close when you cuddled, so why was he asking now? "Sure. But, is that it?"

He caught eye contact with you in the mirror for a split second, before turning around to hug your head close to his chest. "There's more. But I reckon we should work our way up to that."

You glanced at the curtains, grateful for the fact Mick usually kept them drawn.

He leaned back a little, looking at you in the eye with a soft gaze only reserved for you. "Just.. tell me if you dont like it."

"Of course."

So he pulled you close one more time as his hands made his way up the back of your shirt. His fingers traced cautious lines up your spine, while his other hand caressed your waist.

You leaned back a little to look up at him, smiling softly.

His hands stuttered for a moment, before continuing. "Is this okay?"

You nestled your head in his chest comfortably. "It's nice."

He leaned forward, and you felt his chapped lips brush gently against your forehead as he kissed you lightly. You continued to relax in his arms, letting the warms of his hands engulf you.

---

From then on, there were many moments where you two would simply touch each other.

Once when you had a stomach ache, when he pulled you close and stuck his hands under your shirt to rub your tummy comfortingly.

Another time, when you approached him from behind while he was changing, giving him a surprise hug.

And just in general, if you guys were together and your shirt would ride up, there was never any need to fix it.

You also more openly stared at him while he changed, and he did the same for you. Just so many things about him were beautiful to you. The scars decorating his body, the tan lines, his body hair, the curvature of his body..

And he let you stare to your heart's content, as if it was a non-verbal way to say he trusted you with his whole heart. That he let you witness all of his imperfections, all of the details of his body that he wouldn't share with anyone else. That was all yours to see. And hopefully with time, you would get to see more of it, as for him with you.

[evelynwinters1]

Yan!BSD character imagines + Yan!Fyodor oneshot at end

Dazai:

I can imagine a scene from Heathers, but instead of him finding you hanging and choosing to blow up the school only to see you alive, he would most likely abduct you and blow up the house he keeps you in with him and his delusional obsession.

Jouno:

Just give up. You are never getting out. He would find reasons to skip work if he has to. (It wouldn't matter how petty the reason) He would go lengths farther than the sun to simply stay in your presence. I can see him in an entirely different room (probably across the house even) eavesdropping on you whispering your plan of escape to yourself. How amusing.

Ranpo:

Another one you should give up escaping from. He has already deduced your plan of escape whenever and however you try to do it. He also knows where you will go if you do manage to escape and is waiting for you when you get there. I can see the reader/ yn trying to buy their escape by bribing ranpo with sweets and snacks at first, but he already seen through this method a while ago and went to go refill his stash. (Most definitely got you anything you may need with it)

P.s. I am still laughing at the thought of the cashiers face when he gets a mountain of snacks and pads/tampons and/or condoms. Shooketh!

Atsushi:

Would make sure you never suspected anything. This lovable idiot would turn full paranoid phsycopath and back again depending on if you were around or not. I can imagine him two-facing you and the detective agency. The agency sees his obsessive paranoia while you see his clingy side.

Chuuya:

Would definitely keep the anger issues (Yes. Even around you.) The main difference would be the direction of what he's angry at. The mafia - as usual. You - trying to escape. I can see a moment when you do escape, after seeing him activate his gift, you would be so terrified to leave him ever again. The sheer amount of strength it would take to not rip you in half with his gift would be immense. Very possessive. Chihuahua.

Mori:

(Now hear me out, I know that a lot of people would rather see him dead. But . . . . Yes.)

More platonic than the others, but equally as obsessive. Would make a secret room off of his main office that only him and Elise would ever know about. No one is to deliver food to you no matter how trusted the individual is. No one is to visit you other than him and Elise. No one will hear about you, let alone see you. Your very existence is hidden from everyone but Mori and Elise. I can see him putting motion sensors in front of the door to his office that notifies him when someone is near (like a ring doorbell but without the camera. He doesn't need it 'cuz no one will know about you anyway.)

Nikolai:

Would definitely have something I like to call the "house of mirrors" complex. Everything that happens to you is simply your fault. But it's completely okay because look how beautiful and special you are! Would convince you that you wanted it.

You wanted him to kidnap you, why else would you make yourself look so vulnerable? You wanted to be punished, why else would you try to leave him?

That kind of thing. A ton of gaslighting. Punish, pretend, praise, repeat.

His perfect doll.

Sigma:

Let's be honest, even as a yandere, he is still a cinnamon roll. Sure, he'll kidnap you, lock you in a room with plenty of space and light (only he would have the key), and put a chain around your ankle that the other end was bolted to the floor. But you would have a walk-in closet, a full bathroom with any necessity you could dream of, a king-sized bed (possibly a large vanity), a desk always stocked, and him.

He would give you meals that he had prepared and cooked personally. He would be at your every beck and call. It didn't matter what you needed, as long as he deemed it safe for you to have, he'd give it to you. Anything from around the world. The price didn't matter, you did.

Edgar:

His muse. Everything about you, whether it be physical or not, was enchanting to him. Even Ranpoe got jealous of his attention being on you. After all, he almost completely gave up contesting with his so-called rival. A good portion of his poems were based on his muse. He didn't need to kidnap you per sé, you waltzed in yourself. Exited that you finally tracked down your favorite author for nothing more than an autograph. (One would almost think you were the stalker)

His shyness and anxiety were key factors of him nearly panicking when he first met you. In time, however, he warmed up to you. Arguably faster than he would like to admit. You would visit him several times after finding him and try and get to know him.

I can imagine when he finally acknowledged his infatuation with you, he asks you if you could get something out of his room for him, telling you that it's a gift for you and he wants it to be a surprise. When you enter and start looking around for anything that stuck out to you, he closes and locks the door. Karl was also in the room with you to serve as both emotional support and security. But you didn't need to know that.

Fyodor:

!!warning!!: kind of cringe, written in a hurry, stalking, mentions of death, manipulation!!

For those of you who bothered to read this whole thing and reach the end, you are in for a treat. Because yandere fyodor wouldn't be as impatient as the others. Obsessed, yes. But impatient, absolutely not. The final result would collapse if he was.

He loved watching you live your daily life through the miniscule cameras he placed strategically throughout your entire house, car, even where you work. How? He has his ways. Every morale any human has tends to be abandoned when he can show the world their darkest secrets with the click of a button. Your boss was no exception. Living on your own was a pain sometimes. Most cleaning couldn't get done until about a week later because of exhaustion. Most of the time, when you got off of work, you'd simply crash in bed. As much as Fyodor loved watching you sleep, he worried a lot about you. Mainly not eating enough (if at all), and if you did, it was mainly cup noodles, canned food, or the occasional leftovers of food you bought during your break at work. He was going to wait until you nearly reached poverty. To be your savior, and casually press himself into your life and your heart. This method (according to his calculations) took the least effort, but the most time. It also raised the chance of success. When he finally gets to you, he will play innocent. He will tell you that he knew nothing about you but get you your favorites. All to paint himself as the perfect ideal man to you. Your soulmate even.

On a walk with him late at night, you both happen to run into a man you now know as Dazai. You could immediately sence Fyodor tense. He made it seem like you both were simply too focused on each other to see where you two were going and briskly guided you back home. You looked for Dazai wondering why it was fyodor tensed so quick (he never did explain why when you asked him), and you ran into him on your way to the post office where he introduced himself. He seemed a bit quirky but hilarious sometimes. That was until he asked about Fyodor. Without much thought, you told him about the start of a relationship between the two of you and how you met. Dazai looked absolutely shocked, told you about his work, where it is, and invited you to talk about 'the details' of Fyodor's identity. The two of you went your separate ways.

You came home to find it devoid of presence. Fyodor left. Given that it was a bit dark out, though illuminated by a full moons light, you read a book on the window seat in the bedroom with a cup of tea till the early hours of the day when you finished it and realized. Work. You had work in 30 minutes.

Fyodor was watching you through the cameras again. He couldn't help but chuckling at his darling, frantically getting ready for work (only halfway succeeding) after losing track of time reading with the forgotten cup of half drank tea. He found it so adorable that you had gotten so immersed in the book he had given you not long ago. Calming down from his fit of giggles, he got back on track. Elimination. Either Dazai needed to die or his darling needed to disappear. He wasn't going to kill her, no. He was going to erase everything, even hinting at her existence. All except her. He'll deal with the details later. He needed to choose quickly before that devil got any ideas. Neither option was simple. In fact, both are quite tedious in nature. Killing Dazai would risk having to kill the rest of the agency and possibly the port mafia. Getting rid of all but you yourself would mean not only would she have to lose both her job and her house, but possibly her entire family as well. Killing them would be the simplest because it would count as a burglary if the pictures of her and past possessions were stolen. He knew that he himself could very easily delete any and all documents the government has on her. All he needs is pawns. Maybe he could "cash in a favor," as it's called. The chief justice should be a good start. It wouldn't take much convincing. Only a few pictures he has of the cheifs deeds will suffice.

And just like that, you disappeared by Fyodors' hands. He had to pull a few strings for living arrangements, but it was well worth the price. You now live in the most rural area you can think of. Not a house or road for at least a hundred miles and surrounded by trees. Yet, you still have no idea Fyodor caused this. You are the one who agreed to 'move into his place'. You are the one who resigned your job to be there. It's not like you knew that Fyodor set your place ablaze or made your boss' blackmail public after ridding your files or being the cause of your family's death.

After a few hours of reading in the enormous library Fyodor has, you hear the door open. In all his handsome glory is fyodor adorning his unshaka and a pure white faux fur cloak.

"Good morning, moya milaya"

P.s. Fyodor will remain my favorite BSD character 😊

[eowynstwin]

I love how you write and view COD in general, so let’s hear some Ghost hcs

Slightly NSFW.

He’s got more tattoos—his legs have a lot, and he’s got a back piece he’s working on. They’re all black and white, he doesn’t like color tattoos.

On that note though, he learned how to stick and poke as a teenager, and now as an adult he’s actually very good at it. He touches up his own tattoos, and if you’re one of his people he’ll give you any kind of ink you like, as long as you don’t ask for anything other than black ink lol

On the topic of body mods, his dick is pierced. He’s got a Jacob’s ladder. He got it a little before he was recruited into the 141—it was kind of an exercise in seeing if the pain would make him feel anything. It didn’t. (He discovered its popularity in the bedroom later.)

He owns like ten of the same black shirt and jeans. This man is NOT fashion-forward. But you will never catch him in cargo shorts. Even he isn’t that uncool. It turns out he dresses well—if always casually—just by virtue of not making his clothing choices complicated.

So, it’s almost certain he made his skull plate mask, right? Which means he’s got some familiarity with needle and thread. I think Ghost, more than once, has popped a seam in his pants or his shirt, because he’s a BIG boy. And he was raised in poverty, so no fucking way is he going to just buy new ones. So he mends his own clothes. His stitches are rarely pretty, but they’re always solid.

He’s actually a big fix-it guy overall. It’s a byproduct of growing up poor—you don’t waste money on something new if the old thing just needs a part replaced. If something stops working, he takes it apart, figures out what’s wrong, and puts it back together. He’s very efficient about it too—those projects take a day at most. He hates a mess.

As a result, if you’ve been fucking him on the regular (because remember, Ghost doesn’t date), he starts making note of little projects he could get into at your place. Cracks in the wall he could spackle. A door that scrapes at the jamb when you close it that he could rebalance. A coffee maker that takes forever to brew that he could clean out. If you let him do any of these projects, you’re never getting rid of him. (And with the Jacob’s ladder why would you honestly want to?)

I think the psychological functions of these projects are an exercise in trying to fix something to make up for what he can no longer fix. He failed a lot of people—primarily his family. Maybe if he can make your car stop making weird noises when it turns, he’s redeemed a tiny cut of the massive debt he owes to the dead. He does not think like this, I can’t stress enough. It is not a conscious process. But it doesn’t change the tiny relief he feels at making a broken thing work again.

If you ever point out that making broken things work again is kind of exactly the function of the Ghost persona, he’ll disappear for several months.

But he’ll come back. You’ll have to yank an apology out of his teeth, but you can get one out of him if you’re honest enough about how fucking horrible you felt when he left without a word. He felt horrible when he was gone, too. You just scared him, with how you cut to the very crux of who and why he is. That kind of vulnerability is a horror Ghost doesn’t know how to face.

But he stays with you for a long while, longer than he ever has, after he comes back.

[peterpparkrr]

Banter (ch. 1)

Series: Banter

Pairing: Roy Kent x f!Reader

Summary: You and Roy Kent do not get along. But your mysterious Bantr match on the other hand…

A/N: SEASON 3! SEASON 3! Ted Lasso is the only thing holding my sanity together so I figured I might as well write for it. Enjoy! 

(Ch. 2) (Ch. 3) (Ch. 4) (Ch. 5)

series masterlist

Shutterbug: Do you ever feel like no one really knows you?

SirSwears-a-Lot: Yes. Most of the people I interact with are fucking idiots.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Has something prompted this existential crisis?

Shutterbug: My friends. And work. Everything.

SirSwears-a-Lot: It's hard to be vulnerable with people. 

SirSwears-a-Lot: In the effort to respond to honesty with honesty, I’ve recently been struggling with the question: What the hell am I doing?

Shutterbug: I’m about to start a new job and I’m questioning every decision I’ve ever made.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Same.

You were trying to navigate your way through the AFC Richmond building when you spotted a familiar blonde ponytail down the hallway.

“Keeley!”

Keeley squealed your name when she turned around to see you. 

“EEEEEE! I’m so excited that you’re here!” She shouted as she ran toward you at full speed before launching herself at you, wrapping her arms around your neck tightly as you spin her in a little circle.

To this day you weren’t sure how you’d ended up being best friends with Keeley Jones. 

You’d met on a commercial set when you were an assistant to the photographer and Keeley as the talent for the shoot had charmed your pants off. 

Not literally. You two didn’t have that kind of relationship. No matter how often Keeley joked about wanting to shag you. 

But Keeley’s uncanny ability to befriend anyone and everyone she met had worked on you. Despite being the model-slash-acress-social media star at the center of the commercial she took the time to ask you your name, understand what your job was, and pepper you with personal and ranndom questions.

And as an unmoored creative professional in London, you’d latched onto Keeley as a familiar face in the circles you both ran in (Well, circles that Keeley ran in and you sort of loitered on the outskirts of with your camera). 

And when the two of you’d walked in on her boyfriend at the time shagging the executive for the brand you two were working on the shoot for, she’d slapped him clear across the face (the boyfriend, not the executive, you both wanted to continue working). And you’d let her move in with you until she could figure out what she was going to do next.

It had bonded you together for life. 

Which is how she’d managed to rope you into taking AFC Richmond’s promo photos despite your strong anti-sport stance. 

You were easily swayed by the Keeley Jones pout. And the promise of a well-paying job.

“Ted! Roy! This is my friend-slash-photographer-extraordinaire,” Keeley called out to two men in Richmond jackets that made their way over to you, introducing you all to each other. They both looked a little too old to be players so you assumed they were coaches. “She’s going to be the photographer for the promo shoot tomorrow.” 

“Nice to meet you, I’m excited to work with the team,” You tell them as you reach out to shake their hands. 

“Pleasure to meet an old pal of Keeley’s,” The one with the mustache, Ted, replies as he shakes your hand eagerly.

“Oh! You’re American!” You exclaim in surprise.

“Yes, we are,” Ted replies with a small chuckle. “But I promise we have nothing but the utmost respect for the game y’all call football.”

“I’m not really a football fan to be honest,” You admit with a shrug. 

You don’t necessarily have anything against the game itself. But the fact that the world pours billions of dollars into an industry built around boys kicking balls around seems silly to you. Especially considering the way some fans of the game react – hooliganism, riots, bar fights, increased rates of domestic violence after matches – it all seems like a waste.

“Roy! this is the photographer for the shoot tomorrow,” Keeley tells a man with a head of dark curls and a deep frown etched into his stubble.

You can’t help but give him the once over. It’s part of the artistic nature of your work, you’re always scanning people for their best angles, natural beauty, etcetera, that you might want to work with when you’re shooting.

And he’s pretty. In that gruff, grumpy mountain man kind of way.

“Nice to meet you,” You greet him with a smile as you hold out your hand to him. “Are you a player?”

“Do I look like I’m a fucking player?” He grumbles at you before he pushed between you and Keeley and walks into the locker room. 

“Excuse me?!” You shout after him, completely taken aback by the rudeness you’d just been faced with.

“You’ll have to excuse Roy,” Keeley tells you with an apologetic smile.  “He wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, well, every morning.” 

“Right,” You reply with a glance over your shoulder in the direction he stalked off to. 

“Since he’s not a player at least I don’t have to work with him,” You add with a halfhearted smile. Trying to play the optimist for the sake of your professionality.

Keeley’s eyes widen slightly when you say that and what smile you had managed drops off your face completely.

“Um…” She mutters.

“What?” You groan.

“He’s one of the other coaches,” Keeley tells you apologetically as she purses her lips at you.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” You grumble. 

“Fucking dick,” You mutter under your breath as Keeley leads you down the hallway, explaining what the team owner, Rebecca Welton, is looking for brand-wise from these promotional photos.

Shutterbug: Why are men such assholes?

SirSwears-a-Lot: I feel like you’re expecting me to defend my gender but I honestly can’t.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Men are pricks.

Shutterbug: Agreed. This guy I met for part of my new job was a complete and total dick to me today for absolutely no reason. If I didn’t like getting paid I would have gone full psycho bitch on his ass. See how he liked that.

SirSwears-a-Lot: I would pay good money to see that.

Shutterbug: I did meet another guy at this job today who was actually a really nice guy, like unnaturally nice.

Shutterbug: And you’re nice. 

Shutterbug: So I guess #NotAllMen.

SirSwears-a-Lot: I’m not nice.

Shutterbug: Yeah, you are. 

Shutterbug: You let your niece help you come up with your dating app profile.

Shutterbug: And if you weren’t a nice guy you wouldn’t let me complain to you all the time.

SirSwears-a-Lot: I complain back to you so it’s really an even exchange. Plus most of your stories are hilarious.

Shutterbug: Well, I do usually like my work.

Shutterbug: But my pro tip of the day: don’t work with athletes. 

SirSwears-a-Lot: Noted.

“Hiya,” Ted greets you as you stand in the middle of the locker room on your phone.

You’re so engrossed in your text argument with Bantr boy about whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza that you jump slightly at the sudden noise.

“Ope, sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya,” Ted apologizes. 

“Oh, it’s fine, I just got wrapped up in a text conversation,” You tell him with a shrug as you tuck your phone back into your pocket and smile back at Ted. 

“Boyfriend? Girlfriend?” Ted asks curiously.

“Just a guy,” You tell him.

Ted nods for you to continue. Something you’ve almost never had someone, especially not a guy do to you in a professional context.

“Well, I’m on Keeley’s app. I figure at least one of us deserves to have success. Even if it’s professional and not personal.”

“You’re a good friend,” Ted interjects.

“And I have been flirting with one guy who’s actually funny. And intelligent. It probably won’t go anywhere but it’s fun to have someone to chat with who doesn’t know who I am.”

“I can’t say I understand the appeal of that sort of anonymity, what if you’re chatting with a serial killer? Or a homophobe? Or someone who hates pizza?” Ted replies. “But then again, I’m not young and hip.”

“It’s a valid perspective,” You reply with a nod. “I’m honestly not even sure if he would like me. If we ever met, I mean, I don’t know if I’m his type.”

“Well, you’re an absolute delight, I can’t imagine a single guy who wouldn’t like you, unless he hates, I don’t know, happiness and joy,” Ted tells you.

“Thanks, Ted,” You reply.

“Anything else I can help ya with?” Ted asks as he slaps his hands down on his thighs. “Got any of those big heavy lights you need moved around?”

“The lights actually aren’t that heavy,” You tell him with a burst of laughter. “I think I’m just about set up here. Just waiting on your team and then we can get started.”

Shutterbug: What’s your type?

SirSwears-a-Lot: Why do you ask?

Shutterbug: Maybe I’m getting plastic surgery so that I can look like it.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Whatever you look like, you’re my type.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Unless you’re actually my boss catfishing me.

SirSwears-a-Lot: In which case, fuck you.

Shutterbug:  Damn. You’ve caught me!

You couldn’t wait for this job to be over.

The team was actually easy. Other than a few players who tried to tell you about their best angles (Jamie Tartt had insisted that you needed to only shoot him from the left and seemed unable to not smolder during the shoot which was… an interesting choice), the solo shots of the players had been a breeze.

But these coaches were a whole different beast. 

Ted was happy, almost eager to take your direction. 

But the other three?

Coach Beard hardly spoke during the entire interaction and refused to smile but his pictures came out fairly decent. 

Nathan Shelley was so nervous and fidgety it took you ages to take the photos because he kept breaking the poses to ask you if he was doing alright.

Roy Kent was impossible.

“You have to stay in the pose,” You grumbled as you pushed past your lighting rig to re-adjust Roy for what felt like the hundredth time this afternoon to. 

“I feel fucking stupid in the pose,” Roy grumbled in response.

��Well, you look stupid when you don’t do it,” You shot back.

“Just listen to the nice lady, Roy,” Ted called out, causing a few of the others to chuckle. 

Something of a crowd had formed to watch the entire process. Some of the players who were done with training and the rest of the coaches were standing around watching now that their photos were over and you could tell that Roy hated having an audience.

“Shut up!” Roy shouted at them.

You groaned as he broke the angle again.

“Alright, everyone out!” You shout once you’ve finally lost your patience. You shoo at the men. “Everyone!”

Once it was just you and Roy in the room you turned back to him.

“The sooner you do what I tell you to do. The sooner this is all over,” You tell him. “You’re handsome, I don’t understand why you hate getting your photo taken so much.”

Roy didn’t reply with words, he simply grunted at you as you stepped towards him and lifted your hand to gently tilt his face back to the direction you wanted him to face before stepping away.

“There,” You said a minute later once you’d gotten all the shots you would need. “That wasn’t so painful, now was it?”

“Yeah,” Roy grunted again as he pushed through your set-up and disappeared back into the coaches' office. 

You watched him leave with a puff of mild annoyance before you realized that meant that today’s shoot was over and hurried to back up your things.

Shutterbug: Would you ever want to meet up?

You’d gotten to the restaurant too early. After you’d sent that message you’d thrown your phone across the room and tried not to panic. 

When you’d finally built up the courage to retrieve your phone you saw that he’d already messaged you back,

SirSwears-a-Lot: Yes.

SirSwears-a-Lot: Friday night? Bacco’s, 7 pm?

You grinned at your phone for a moment before typing your response.

Shutterbug: See you then :)

And you’d been riding on cloud nine for the last few days. You hadn’t told anyone about the date. Not even Keeley. No matter how hopeful you were about this working out, you hated the thought of getting someone else's hopes up so you decided to keep it a secret. 

Just until after the date.

But it also meant that you’d finished up the day’s shoot, gone home to get ready, and somehow ended up at the restaurant thirty minutes before your reservation. So you were standing in the waiting area, trying not to look too pathetic while you scrolled through Instagram.

Every time you heard the door open your eyes would flicker up only to be met with the view of a sweet elderly couple or a group of business partners making their way through the door. 

Until you heard to door open and looked up to lock eyes with Roy Kent. 

Your eyes widened before you offered him a sarcastic smile. 

“I’m waiting for someone,” You tell him in lieu of a greeting.

“Me too,” He replies gruffly.

“Good for you,” You reply with a furrow of your brows.

“Yeah.” 

You roll your eyes and look back down at your phone, tapping out a quick message to let him know you’re here. You hit send just as your phone pings with a similar text from him. 

You look up to scan the room again just as Roy’s phone buzzes and your eyes lock as you realize that you’re the only two people in the waiting area. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” You groan.

“Fuck,” Roy mutters.

[thankshermin]

About the Scene Where Dazai Tells Akutagawa “You got stronger“

...and some rambling about their relationship, featuring a few lines about Kyouka and Mori at some point.

I think about that scene a lot and the fact that it is not talked about is really bugging me off so I need to get some things out of my chest,, let’s gooo 

CW: mentions of abuse

First of all, it is not equal to an apology. It simply is not. There is a high chance that Dazai probably didn’t even say it as an apology. He merely stated the fact that Akutagawa got stronger. What is more important about this scene is not what he said but rather how he said it.  

Dazai has changed and he is still changing for the better. The way he looks at Akutagawa and praises him in that soft tone is not how would Dazai express his thoughts to Akutagawa in the mafia.  

Now, for another matter about this scene; those words obviously meant a lot to Akutagawa but it doesn’t have to mean much, if anything, to him. 

Dazai doesn’t apologize to him. He doesn’t mention anything about his treatment to Akutagawa and doesn’t acknowledge it. We don’t know for sure if he truly doesn’t regret it or if he does feel ashamed about it and decides against saying something.

Why was Dazai even that awful to Akutagawa, anyway?

Well, obviously not because he takes sadistic pleasure from hurting Akutagawa. He believed that if he didn't, Akutagawa couldn't survive in the mafia. Akutagawa turned out to be the mafias one of the strongest attackers, due to this. Was it necessary? Of course not. He was very abusive towards Akutagawa. Is it an explanation? Yes, it is. That is what Dazai thought he was supposed to do, and since he didn't have any direct subordinates he mentored; we can't really compare but there is this conversation he had with Odasaku;

“Ah, Akutagawa is a sword without a scabbard.” Dazai smiles slightly. “It won’t be long before he becomes the mafia’s most powerful ability user. However, someone needs to teach him how to keep his blade.” I am startled. I have never heard Dazai praise his subordinates so unreservedly. “Is he really that outstanding?” “When I first saw him in the slums, I shuddered. His talent is far above that of others. His ability is extremely destructive, and he is fairly stubborn himself. If left ignored, he would be at the mercy of his ability. It wouldn’t be long until he self-destructs.” Dazai has never taken the initiative to take in a subordinate, much less a starving youth in the slums. But Dazai seems to have his own plans.

This makes me sad because Dazai never disliked Akutagawa or thought he was weak. He always thought Akutagawa would be strong. But the thing is, Akutagawa doesn't know that. Dazai never made it clear to him. Kind of a shame he was a shitty teacher most of the time. Makes me wonder why Mori never said anything about it to Dazai. I am curious about lots of things about Mori and Dazai's relationship, to be honest. Dazai was always messed up but Mori messed him to a further point, whether he meant it or not. Dazai was also really mentally unstable when he was still in the mafia and couldn't bother trying to be gentle. Dazai is still not healed but he is doing a lot better in the ADA.

Back to Dazai never saying anything about it, that behavior itself is very weak on Dazai’s end. He desperately tries to change but there are just some things that he still can not work on. One of them is this. He has unfinished businesses with many people and one of them is Akutagawa. Maybe he can’t bring himself to show that vulnerability towards him, maybe he truly doesn’t think what he did was something he should be apologizing for, maybe he thinks apologizing could make it worse instead of fixing it, etc. etc. I can still count.

But there is one thing and it’s that Dazai doesn’t go out of his comfort zone in his relationships. I am not saying that he would return back to his old tendencies in time since that goes against all of his character trying to find his place in a better world but I’m just saying that Dazai probably finds it more convenient to treat Akutagawa the way he always did and even that little “you’ve gotten stronger” was a milestone for him. 

Akutagawa really had the right to say fuck off to Dazai and his half-assed apology, he really did, but I believe that scene was as equally important on Dazai's end as it is on Akutagawa's side. It means something. It isn't supposed to fly over the viewers' heads.

Progress isn't linear and Dazai shows it in a very slow way. A lot of things get in his way. He sometimes struggles, but that's what makes it realistic. you know what they say; one step forward, two steps back.

What the larger part of the fandom refuses to understand is that Dazai is not on the polar end of something. He is very mixed in that part. He is not a pure angel and probably would be one of the worst people you could have ever met if he were a real person. But he is not the devil's respawn on Earth either. Most of y'all forget that he was a lost child who got guided by the worst possible person ever. (I really like Mori's character too but that's a different topic, he is still a terrible person) If he is trying to change and do better, I'm always going to be rooting for him.

There is this saying, you can't teach an old dog new tricks and I really want Dazai to prove this wrong. His words to Akutagawa were not his destination on this journey, it was more like a milestone.

Akutagawa is also showing development too and that is mostly thanks to Atsushi. I kind of doubt this but maybe Akutagawa understands the meaning of Dazai's words since he was also giving Kyouka a half-assed apology type of thing. Their situations are so similar that I don't need to say much about it.

Akutagawa has grown so much and he probably will continue to do that, but it doesn't erase his trauma, not really. Dazai really messed Akutagawa up. Even though it doesn't count as an apology, this shows that Akutagawa has come to terms with Dazai's abuse and his own treatment of Kyouka and he deserves a kudos for that. acknowledging that your mentor messed you up and also acknowledging that you traumatized someone takes an effort.

Akutagawa may have learned most of the cruel things he did from Dazai, but he has grown enough to realize that he is actually his own person.

Ending;

I like most bsd characters because of how real and how grey they are and the abuse circle/web is really well-written. I really do want to explore it better some other time. As I said, not everyone has the guts to come up to terms with the fact that they were abused, let alone that they were shitty to other people. Akutagawa and Dazai are really different characters on their own but their relationship shows that they truly are influenced by an upper power and even though they both individually have a long way to go, this scene of Dazai telling Akutagawa he got stronger does mean a lot than an interaction between them that lasted two seconds.

[xjulixred45x]

Yandere Alphabet: Dead Royalty Zagreus

Using this as a (kind of?) precuel to the Drabble i'm about to do about yandere Zagreus of the AU i did where he kills Hades for good and he's the new king of the Underworld.

Warnings: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, OVERPROTECTION, OBSESIVE BEHAVIOR, Zagreus has TRAUMA, mentions of murder and intimidation (not to reader/Consort! They're fine).

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

For someone whom get married bc Zeus said so, Zagreus is such a sweetheart in showing how much he loves His Consort.

I Say it before in another post, but Consort brings back some of the old Zagreus that everyone miss. Being it by he giving them gifts (ambrosia, clothes, things to entretain themself meanwhile he is at work), phisical affection(hugs, Kisses, carrying them around bride style) or with words(compliments, soft praise, pet names), he is NEVER out of options when it comes to spoil his Darling.

I would Said that he's a solid 7/10 in the scale of intense. Like, he IS intense, but it could be worse, he tries to give His partner space WHEN THEY ASK TO(if they don't do it he will continue without problem bc lets be honest, the man is touch Starved BAD).

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

REALLY MESSY, You see him rampaging the Underworld just to meet His mother. For Consort, he would kill His father AGAIN.

He is a Big one in the killing of posible "suitors"(which find insulting bc Consort is already Married TO HIM) that Consort may have, and His understand of "suitors" can go from a Suitor itself to a person who was wayyyy to friendly to be platonic, or a person who is "turning Consort against him" somehow(like, idk, pointing out His strange behavior?).

He is also very enthusiast about getting rid of the people who did Bad to Consort in the past, being a Friend who betrayed them, their parents or sibilings, ANYONE who hurted Consort in the past is in the black list of Zag, and he is nothing if not ressentfull and stubborn.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

ABSOLULTY NOT. Zagreus may be lay back in an attemp to calm them down, but he would NEVER mock their fear or intentionally make them uneasy around him.

Once Consort it' set in the Underworld, they have to get use to a very clingy, very loving Zag, it's dosen't really change much honestly. When they find out about Zag Yandere Tendencies, Zagreus dosen't change, he's Just glad that he dosen't "have to lied to them anymore" bc it's very aware that THAT would scare them. But now?he just have to make sure they don't leave.

Ironic...

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Not much honestly, Zag tries His hardest to NOT take away every right that Consort has, bc he has been on that situation before(with Hades trying to prevent him from leaving and treating him like shit), he KNOWS how frustrating and upseting it is, but he can't bring himself on let Consort go.

Zagreus can AND WILL do things in a way Consort feels comfortable and don't force them to do anything besides staying. They don't wanna have children? That's fine, it's not like Zagreus is eager to continue His father legacy anyway. They don't wanna share the same Bed/room as Zagreus? Fair enough, they'll have their own room. Things like that.

Consort can go as they please for the Underworld (the creatures/guards know better than trying to hurt them, specially Theseus) EXCEPT the Temple of Styx, then they only can go with Zagreus or with a person of high trust(like Thanatos or Meg, most likely Meg).

In a good scenario, Zagreus even gets out with Consort to the mortal world! Be it to the temples to His father, meet the other Gods, even some mortals that adore Hades/Zagreus, etc.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Oh, pretty vulnerable. He seems pretty scary at first when Consort just marry him, but once he gained enough trust(and obsession) on Consort, Zagreus would be quite open about anything they ask, whatever it is. Even sensitive themes like His father.

Zagreus likes to think he's being honest MOST OF THE TIME, to make sure Consort they can trust him bc he trust in them(and it worked! Kinda), to make them happy. He is not exacly afraid of being emotional vulnerable with Consort, he just has lots of unpacked trauma and dosen't know what to do with it (much less now that almost everyone in House of Hades see him different..), so it's almost good for him being like this. He likes it.

The only thing he lied about was about what happen to the suitors of Consort(and ANYONE in general that get in His way honestly), and still he thinks that was just a white lie instead of a blasting crime and abuse of power.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Mostly heart broken, because he KNOWS he caused this, he made them despise him, but he is selfish, so even then, he would't let them get away. He tries to shush them and comfort them, remind them that he loves them, that he's sorry that they have to see THAT. Eventually he gets even better at comfort thanks to this.

A part of him is given a strange feeling of nostalgia? Like in the times when he was the one running away from the Underworld, he thinks that maybe this is His karma for that.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

It's not a Game and he gets worried SICK when he finds out that Consort it's out there trying to escape, do they even know what kind of danger is in the Chambers of Tartarus only? How Bad things can end if they get across the wrong person??

He don't enjoy this in the slightless, he is a panic mess until he finds Consort and bring them back to the house of Hades safe and sound.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Two very different times.

The first one was the first time Consort and Zagreus where introduced to each other for Zeus. Consort was so scared of Zagreus-their figure HUSBAND, and the worst part was that Zagreus didn't even tried ti stop the proccess in the slightless(maybe out of shock or trying not to make Zeus mad).

The second one, way after this, after Consort and Zagreus fall in love; Consort finds Zagreus giving one of Consort "suitors" one of the most nightmarerish tortures they even seen(Fury level TORTURE if You get what i'm saying). This is what caused after all the attemps to run away from Zagreus, because if he is capable of doing such things to a stranger, what about them?

(he would never, but Consort it's way too hurt from this to listen to His "REASONS")

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Mmm...that's a hard one.

Zagreus didn't even have in mind killing His father, much less becoming King! But now he is more responsible, even more ambisious, so i would say that his plans with Consort are either continue as they are now, riging over the Underworld, better than His father could, or maybe Even go to Olympus some time! Who knows! He is not restricted anymore! He's gonna take adventage of it!

If we talk about a figure where Melinoe exist as His and Consort's Daughter, he's over the moon, that would be a life he would't mind..

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Oh, he GETS Jealous, and it's escalets pretty quickly. If he copes or explotes, depends on the person and how they act around Consort.

For example, in the Surface, Consort tends to be revere for his worshipers, which is okay! It's the way Zagreus expect Consort to be treated. But it's some of them it's a little too friend/close, he just put Consort on His lap and demands affection(mainly kisses). That normally works to calm him down.

NOW, if is Someone like, idk...THESEUS, when he and Consort go to Elysium to see the Champions and the Pompous bastard is bold enough to try to "make a move" on Zag's partner...yeah, he'll lash out on him, it will not be pretty. (Fortunally, he's never mad at Consort for this kind of things. He trust them! He dosen't trust other people around them..)

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

A love sick puppy, he is way more cheerfull than when he is alone or even working at the main Hall, Consort's presence brings a Big smile to His face. It's almost creepy to the people not used to see "the Godkiller" being this friendly and happy while working.

He acts like the Zagreus before the disaster but a little more calmer. Almost demure(bc it's way more easy to get under his skin now), and obviously, pretty clingy. If he's working, he wants Consort on his lap while finishing paperwork. If he's redecoring, he has an arm around them, etc. It's cute in a way.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

When Consort first got to House of Hades, Zagreus tried to get to know them better in one of the Best ways he knows, ambrosia! And in general at first their interactions we're little and only when Zag start them to give Consort a gift. Gifts that grow of worth and personal value the more he knows them, the more he falls for them.

When Consort started the interactions on their own, Zag's was OVER THE MOON! And start use what would be His signature way of get to know Darling, do tasks with Consort! Whatever it was administrative(Zag's nightmare) or more diplomatic, they get to have good times!

Other way of counting to Zagreus is phisical contact, CONSTANTLY(if they're fine with it), and in general is the softest version of the counting of an average god(maybe it's ctotic thing?being decent spouses?).

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Nah. He still worship his partner and absolulty adores them, the only difference is the violence he use against OTHER PEOPLE.

Zagreus tends to be quieter around the other people in House of Hades(bc they also are pretty tense with him) but it's not hostile. You can talk to him normally and even have a chat(as long as You don't talk shit about Consort), he's not that different. Just more reserved.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Punishment? Whats that?-Zagreus, probably.

Yeah, he dosen't like the idea of a punishment of any sort. Not only bc that would make him just the same as Hades, but bc he just CANT STAND the sight of Consort in pain. Much less If said pain is caused BY HIM.

The most close thing that he got to a "punishment" was isolation for not even two days, and honestly? It hurt him more than Consort. It's like it's punishing himself most likely.

But yeah, he dosen't do that. He thinks that if he gives a reason to Consort to fear him, they will just hate him even more, they'll want to leave more. He don't want to be a cause of their fear, he wants them to stay bc they like it here. So nop. No punishment (besides, he has escaped the Underworld times enough to know that the task itself it's a pain in the ass, thats ENOUGH).

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Besides from leaving the Underworld (or most likely, leaving HIM) not much honestly, again, Zagreus KNOWS how Consort feels likes in the situation, he's been there, so he's not wiling to make them feel like they are His prisioner, because their NOT, they are His partner, the love of His life.

The only other thing i can see Zagreus activily preventing His partner to do is killing themself to stay in the Underworld in a Willing Route. Bc OBVIOUS REASONS. And maybe giving them weopons bc they are dangerous. Aside from that, Consort has the same freedoms and priviliges as Zagreus.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

For a greek god, he's surprisesingly patience, an a GREAT level of patience.

Zagreus don't rush things with Consort (he thinks even when they're nervious or acting awkward is adorable), he waited for them to come around and they fall in love naturally(until the yandere tendencies strike), and in general he's self aware that he being a god and Consort being a Mortal make some things dificult, so, he's willing to wait.

He can endure Consort's lectures about how wrong he is about the suitors matter, how horrible it is, their screams and cries, he can endure it, because he KNOWS that Consort just don't understand that's how Gods are, and it's fine, after all, their only job is stay and love him, and meanwhile they do it, he's just fine.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Escaping Zagreus is almost imposible for His Godly parients (i talk more about it in the V), and the only way of escaping FOR GOOD would be getting out of Greece. If that happens, i really doubt that Zagreus is able to move on.

He'll trow a Demeter move, he'll neglect all of His duties as god of the Underworld until His parients find Consort. And NOTHING but that will make him change His mind. I can see him worsening His Masochist tendencies.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Yes and no.

Does Zagreus regrets they meet in Bad circumstances? Yes. Does he regrets being Married to them anyways? No.

Does Zagreus regrets scaring Consort with the torture of their suitors(and maybe some of their Friends)? Yes. Does he regret what he did to those people? No.

He regrets they bad consecuences/reactions those actions caused, but he dosen't actually regret nothing. He seems them as necesary. For the same, he's not willing to let Consort get away from him or, Gods forbite, fall in love with someone else. Just...no.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Definitely the actual relationship he has with the people of House of Hades. Don't get me wrong, His childhood as the despised son of Hades has something to do with her being touch starved and eager to love, but the recent events change EVERYTHING in His life.

Before murdering Hades, Zagreus was seen as a troublemaker, but not as a danger, he was a friend, a godling that his parients tried to help and His friends NEVER though they would fear. But after what he did, everyone seems...tense around him, like he's not the same anymore. Maybe they're right, yes, but hurts seeing them look at him with such...pain...fear.

With Consort is another Story, they only know the version of Zagreus that everyone FEARS AND RESPECTS, but they get to know him and, surprisesingly, see the good old side of him, trust him genuinely. Zagreus LOVES THAT.

Loves that he's not feared for them, loves that Consort sees both sides of him, loves that they SEE HIM for who he is, not a king or a Godkiller, but just Zagreus. He miss that horribly and Consort give him that back. And he's not willing to lose it.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Guilty and sad mostly. He tries to comfort them the Best he can, but sometimes that just makes things worse and he decides to leave them some space(not too much space thoug, in cases they need something or try to do something...drastic).

Ironicly, he can handle better when Consort yells or cries than when they isoltaes themselfs. At least in the first two they INTERACT with him and he can try and negociate something for them to feel better (like their favorite food or going to Elysium for a walk), but isolation? It's HURTS HIM being ignored and don't know what to do(so You could use this one if You want something).

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

I'll Say he is the most soft yandere You'll ever see, more for a god of the Underworld. He is not exacly menacing(?) someway. He dosen't kiddnap Consort per se, His family does(through an arrange affair with Zeus)! That's pretty un-convencional if You ask me.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

The mayor weakness Consort could use to get away from Zagreus is his límited time in the surface, bc even now it takes time to get out there, so if Consort gets out and Zagreus don't get to drag them with him to the Underworld, theres is a good chance to get way!

But i would't be very optimistic, Zag is very stubborn and he'll go UP THERE just to fetch them, with the help of all of his Godly parients, just like the old times. There would be NO WHERE TO HIDE with ZEUS HIMSELF lending a hand, POSEIDON making imposible to sail, and HERMES running around with His followers in research for "coz' lost mate".

I would say there's a higher chance to do it if You have Persephone (and extension, Demeter) on your side, but it would be futile against the KING OF THE GODS. Worth the shot though.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

NO.

Zagreus may have a fucked up sense of love in this AU, but definitely he don't forget how painfull and understimated is phisical pain(His deaths speaks themselfs..) so he would never even raise His hand to Consort. Ever.

He may raise His voice when he's mad or worried or carry them/pin them, but honestly that's it, there's no violence, there's no phisical nor emotional pain. He can't Bring himself to do it. Even when some of His parients tries to encourge him to be "rougher" with His Darling, he really just see them as a fragile creature that must be take care of.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He's head over heels for Consort, i can picture him as a worshiper Yandere honestly(bc 1- that feeds His idea that no one really deserves them And 2- its feels complementary to His Masochist tendencies), no matter if they are mortals or "under his level" for His family standards, they are a God/Godess to Zagreus eyes.

He would kill for Consort, he would die for Consort. Either way is a bliss.

He is up to anything to win them over, EXCEPT maybe hurting some specific members of the house of Hades that bring him jelousy (like Thanatos, for respect for their friendship). Besides that, he's even up to get rid of Consort's WHOLE family tree if that gives them a reason to stay in the Underworld.

Still, he wants to go for the no-violence route, and romance them "properly"(sort of...).

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Not a long time. It's a soon as Zagreus feels connected in a meanfull way with Consort that he "snaps" and makes plans to make them want to stay and don't leave the Underworld, Zagreus don't Even consider His sudden dark feelings "snaping" either, bc he has this mindset of "well, we ARE already married, it's COMPLETLY NORMAL i am very observant of them And i want them to stay"

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Luckily, no. He is way too soft and unwiling to make them suffer (at least on prupose)that it's virtually imposible that Consort ends up broken for his fault. It's most likely that they develop Stockholm syndrome and either 1) stop trying to get way from Zagreus or 2) they get away from Zagreus but they come Back because...they miss him.

In both cases Consort ends up turning a Blind eye to the horrible things that Zagreus has done(and posible keep doing, but more carefully), but it's kind of a new status quo. They're okay again and Zagreus seems happy than ever...Consort can bring themself to break it again. To break HIM.

It's for the better. I promise.

(this awesome drawing belongs to the Twitter/X artist kurosaki_sasori, here's the link to the original piece , show them support!)

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

[lagoonalake]

NCT 127 IDEAL TYPE

For Mark and Haechan see NCT Dream ideal type

TAEIL

Personality: 7 of swords, ace of swords, 10 of cups

Someone very intelligent, that he has to figure out like a puzzle, with many layers, witty, someone who he’d have to read between the lines, analyze. And he wants his partner to be analytical too. Someone family oriented who understands him. He is looking for emotional security and from his point of view, this isn’t something that is easy to obtain, and he thinks he has to be very cautious with people around him. He’s the type to subtly test his partner, especially with trick questions, so his partner has to be clever but honest too. Someone who can get his humor, hold a conversation, be playful and nuanced, tactful, diplomatic but incisive, perceptive, insightful. Someone who likes to talk, who is looking for something serious.  gemini, virgo, mercury, libra, cancer

Appearance: the fool, 10 of swords, the star

Softness and innocence. An open face very easy to read. A very expressive person. Round eyes, cute face, pale skin, small full features, a demure kind smile, coy body language and expression but cutely seductive, long hair. Probably younger than him. High pitch voice. Could be someone who looks a bit anxious or overwhelmed at times, that he’d want to protect or reassure. Petite, short. Kind generous, friendly smile, a breath of fresh air and just looking at this person would warm his heart and make him feel hope. Someone who likes hugs, is very touchy, looks huggable.  cancer, mercury, gemini, virgo

Turn offs: 6 of wands, king of wands, 4 of wands

Attention seekers, people who are very loud, self centered, showing off and bragging (he finds it pathetic and desperate), party people, people who are lead by their ego, makes stupid decisions because of their pride without taking others into account, someone who would try to boss him a round. negative leo, aries, sagittarius

TAEYONG

Personality: 5 of pentacles, 6 of cups, the devil

He is attracted to people who need help, who are a bit vulnerable, lost, melancholic, lonely, sensitive and he wants to give them love and make them feel safe and protected. However this is also a manipulation technique on his side, it could be subconsciously. But while he is truly caring, comforting and generous, and would protect and take care of his partner, he also expects them to be “his”, to not need anything or anyone else but him. He is clingy and wants a clingy partner too. His relationships tend to be codependent, both emotionally and when it comes to money as well. He wants to be the provider.  pisces, cancer, scorpio

Appearance: 8 of pentacles, knight of pentacles, the hermit

He prefers people who are loners, isolated even, possibly outside of the kpop industry. It could even be someone poor. He is attracted to someone who looks like they are struggling, sad, wounded, an energy that is slow but in movement, a hard worker. He could like to see someone focused on their task, could be aroused by sweaty people, there’s something about the messy, survivor look that is attractive to him. Natural beauty, more earthy and sensual. More stoic expression, private and a bit tough. virgo, capricorn, scorpio, mars

Turn offs: 5 of pentacles, 6 of wands, page of swords

There is an issue with money. This is very specific but he doesn’t like someone who is struggling (especially financially) but is able to overcome it on their own, or even who seems to not mind it too much that they are struggling, who is more go with the flow type and has a more light-hearted approach to life. Someone who if he would propose his help would answer “oh no thanks I’m good! :)” and kinda laugh it off and not play into the needy victim/savior dynamic he’d try to apply. Someone a bit too independent and clever. XD sagittarius, virgo, aquarius, gemini

JOHNNY

Personality: 10 of swords, 10 of wands, ace of wands

Someone with a lot of experience, who went through a lot, actually who went through hell and back. A self starter, someone who has a lot of responsibilities, has always worked very hard, started at the bottom and build themselves up, there is something he really admires about that. Someone who maybe has failed but was always able to bounce back and who had to do it on their own. Definitely an artist, someone with a flamboyant energy, a boss, very liberated and independent. Very creative and inspiring. Sexy, passionate.  aries, capricorn, sagittarius, mars, saturn

Appearance: 3 of wands, 2 of wands, 2 of swords

Could like a foreigner. Thick and muscular, the thighs especially are very shapely. A dancer, someone who works out a lot, big booty. Someone with a lot of vitality, always in movement, who never seems tired. Someone who looks intelligent and like they have depth, despite their more overtly sexy appearance, they should look intelligent too. And like they can see through bs, not a naive fresh face. Could prefer someone either older or the same age but not too young. Someone who seems in control, structured. Could like sexy business style. Tan or dark skin. taurus, capricorn, mars, sagittarius, jupiter

Turn offs: 2 of cups, 2 of wands, temperance

Codependency, a partner who is too clingy, a bit too demonstrative with their love, too passionate, a bit dramatic with their emotions, displays of emotions in general, someone who wants to do everything with him, be with him 24/7, someone a bit too passive, someone who is into meditation and spirituality or manifestation techniques, healing lol, he really doesn’t buy into these things and believes in hard work, people who are too complacent with others and themselves, he's more like “just do it” and sucking up your emotions basically. XD all water signs especially cancer and pisces, libra, taurus

YUTA

Personality: 2 of swords, ace of cups, 9 of wands

Someone very calm, mature, measured, cautious. Thoughtful and patient, who will think carefully before taking action. Very fair and objective but will always act with compassion, will always follow their heart in the end. Realistic, who went through a lot, who has experienced difficulty and is now prepared, has learned from the challenges they went through. Someone who won’t be fooled easily, who will require patience from him. And he himself isn’t the type who would open up easily to someone so he also need a person who understands caution, who will have enough depth and patience to get to his heart. An empath. scorpio, libra, virgo, capricorn, pisces

Appearance: 9 of wands, king of pentacles, empress

Someone who at first glance could appear a bit cold, or reserved, a bit on the defensive. A bit more conservative, not too revealing (he likes the mystery and when things are left to the imagination, he also doesn’t want to share XD). Rather slow energy, calm movements. Grounded and stable. Sensuality, curves, a more traditional timeless beauty. Healthy complexion, very feminine, lush and strong body, the type you want to touch. Someone who once you get to know them would look more soft and radiant, with a very warm smile. Could hide their beauty a bit or only want to show it to their partner. Long hair. Short height. Warm earthy colors, browns, oranges, gold, pink, green. Natural smell is very pleasant and soothing.  capricorn, taurus, virgo

Turn offs: 2 of wands, 9 of swords, the star

Hyperactive people, people who can never sit still, fidgety, nervous, chronic complainers, people who act impulsively and then are overwhelmed with anxiety, chaotic, messy people, people who overthink everything, who are incapable of making a decision, who always needs external advice, validation or reassurance, people who don’t seem grounded, people who cannot be in the present moment and are always in their heads or planning for/worrying about the future or reminiscing on the past. People who are a bit disconnected with reality. sagittarius, gemini, aquarius, uranus, cancer, aries

DOYOUNG

Personality: death, the fool, the hanged man

Total and complete healing. Something new. Someone with a lot of depth and innocence, positivity, who would heal him, hold his hand during the whole transformation, love him as he is and help him accept himself. He wants the fairy tale! Beauty and the Beast style. Someone who has a go with the flow type of energy, spontaneous, youthful, a bit childlike not necessarily in age though, just someone who will always remain in touch with their innocence. Optimistic, compassionate, who always sees the good in people. Someone who could seem naive at first but is actually deep, accepting and understanding. Someone who sees life differently than he does, who would offer him a different perspective that would change him. He wants to run away and explore all that the world has to offer with a romantic kind partner. He’s really romantic himself.  pisces, aries, pluto, libra, jupiter

Appearance: knight of wands, 4 of swords, 5 of wands

Someone who looks a bit wild, more masculine than feminine. Not concerned about looking pretty. The type who doesn’t take much time to get ready in the morning. A natural look, short hair, messy style. Very warm, expressive face. Wider features. Warm bright colors, red, orange, yellow. Someone who is authentic, who is easy to read, even a bit loud about what they feel/think. Who has a bit of a warrior look, a bit cocky, rowdy, brave. Probably would make the first step towards him. Cute and strong. Laughing eyes that can look a bit fierce, challenging. Strong eyebrows. aries, sagittarius, jupiter, leo, mars

Turn offs: the emperor, knight of pentacles, knight of wands

Selfishness, people who are too independent, who wouldn’t be ready to help or accompany him, for him relationships are not about being separated, it’s about union, so there is no place for ego, pride, or wanting to control the other person. People who are too serious and slow, who don’t express anything, who are overly rational, too concerned about what’s practical, realistic, who wants to operate within a “structure”. Boss CEO type of energy. When the loud fiery energy he likes becomes loud controlling energy. negative aries, leo, capricorn, taurus

JAEHYUN

Personality: the devil, 5 of pentacles, the sun

He wants to first share a secret or a wound, a deep intimate truth to breaking the ice. He has a way to see through people’s masks and know how to pick the ones who would understand him. So someone who is a bit wounded, a bit sad. Ready to completely let loose, abandon themselves to him, maybe with the help of substances. And then start a new beginning together. Someone committed to the path of healing. Willing to be vulnerable and completely honest and real with him, someone who is quite sexual too, someone who could be a bit brooding but also combative and determined. Someone who could really connect with their dark side, their flaws, honest with themselves. Probably an artist or another idol, someone from his environment who understands what he’s going through. scorpio, pluto, capricorn, pisces, neptune

Appearance: 4 of cups, 3 of swords, 5 of swords

Someone who looks a bit sad, melancholic, bored, with a lazy sort of beauty, nonchalant, not necessarily very friendly or smiley. Golden skin tone. Someone richly or stylishly dressed, sophisticated, accessories, jewelry, intricate patterns, original and artistic but stylish. Long or big black hair. Slim, tall or gives the impression of being tall. Modelesque. Striking eyes, big almond shaped eyes. Probably another idol.  capricorn, taurus, all water signs, aquarius

Turn offs: the emperor, 7 of wands, 5 of pentacles

Someone who is too much in their ego, incapable of being honest with themselves, in denial about their shortcomings, someone controlling, competitive, on the defensive, pushing people away. Someone who always sees what is lacking but never what they already have. Obsessed with control, status, securing their place, a bit paranoid. Never satisfied and overly ambitious, never stopping to appreciate life. Someone who doesn’t treat others as their equal, who positioned themselves above others always because they feel weak otherwise.  negative aries, leo, scorpio, capricorn

JUNGWOO

Personality: knight of cups, page of wands, page of cups

A youthful, romantic partner who is full of life. Someone innocent, who wants to go after their dreams. artistic, kind, compassionate, who likes animals. Funny and adventurous, eager to explore and learn about the world, live their life, spontaneous, who would help him let loose or have fun. A breath of fresh air. Most likely younger than him or just very youthful, innocent and spontaneous. But I think younger because this seems to be someone who hasn’t been touched by the darkness of life. And that’s what he wants, to reconnect with a light-hearted version of himself, someone optimistic who thought everything was possible in life, who had no limits, believed in the power of love and would follow their heart. pisces, sagittarius, leo, neptune, jupiter 

Appearance: ace of pentacles, page of cups, the devil

He could be into the really innocent pure looking type of people, who doesn’t seem to have much experience. Cute, youthful, kind, round faces, big round eyes, soft skin, soft looking in general, a more simple, natural look, shorter hair, simple outfits. For some reason I feel like he loves looking at his partner wearing a swimsuit. Petite or small frame. Artistic style.  cancer, pisces, mercury, gemini

Turn offs: 10 of wands, king of pentacles, 2 of swords

Someone who is always busy, with a lot of responsibilities, someone who could have a higher status or earn more than he does, who would be the provider in the relationship, someone who is very mature (he seems to prefer younger partners), someone who is too structured, too in control, someone who is too much of a thinker, he prefers someone who is lead by their emotions and who is more spontaneous rather than someone who thinks too much or who is too cautious, too logical.  capricorn, saturn, aquarius, virgo

[confessionsofamasc]

#1

I was born in a hospital that I drive by sometimes. I don’t understand gender or sex more than anyone. I’ve read a lot of theory. I’ve taken comfort in it. It hasn't changed my conditions, but it's granted me a sense of stability. The best of it offers clarification. The worst of it makes me feel like I don’t exist. It’s like anything, it’s complicated. It has made me suspicious of any unifying theory of gender, of simplification. That abstraction feels like more of the same. The reduction, the disappearance, the slow death. Everything begs the question and everyone is too afraid to try and answer it.

The more I read the more ambiguity I am able to accept in myself and others. It usually isn't reciprocated.

I’m a man. Right now my hair is long. It’s annoying, it gets in the way. Recently I was enjoying wearing feminine clothing, but not so much at the moment. I used to date women. I used to be a lesbian. I used to be butch, in a lot of ways I still am. I got myself into a lot of trouble that way. I sought out people who could see my maleness somewhere inside of my womanhood. This was fraught. I try not to blame myself. My maleness made me vulnerable and people could tell. That's on them.

I don’t know what I look like. People see me as different things. I’ve been told that some of these different things lie in complete contradiction with each other. To some people I negate myself and they hate that. I don’t mind being a paradox. I didn’t make it a paradox. I know how I feel and I know what I want. How other people see me is not my responsibility. I know what feels right and what feels wrong. It's one of those things, like love. No justification needed. I like what this has given me, a general ambivalence I find freeing. No one owes me understanding, not even myself, just acceptance. I roll with the punches.

No one’s going to be able to know me from a short interaction. That’s fine. That’s not my problem. It’s not their problem either. But I correct them, I give them a chance. I am as honest as possible. It’s awkward. Sometimes it isn’t, sometimes there is that moment of two people meeting, like two comrades undercover. The nod, the smiles. Some people get angry. I avoid going places where they might be able to react. I don’t go out. Sometimes I don’t correct people. 

Sometimes I know that people want me to make myself smaller, more understandable, that I must diminish myself. Categorize, define, summarize, defend, defer. I get the feeling my complexity is the wrong kind of complexity. I hate deference, I want to be an equal participant in the conversation.

I was in line for a friend’s show, waiting to get my bag searched, my ID checked and a man behind me got close, started touching my bag. Same old. Bad jokes, mean jokes, stuff to try and make me feel vulnerable. Said he was putting his gun in my bag to hold onto. Trying to get me to engage to protect myself. Flatter him, don’t hurt his ego. That boring misogynistic flirting that kids start honing in grade school. I didn’t say anything. I made myself as uninteresting as I could. That hurt his feelings. “I bet you think I’m such an asshole”, he said with little kid anger. I continued to ignore him. I didn’t want him to hear my voice or see my face. He figured I was a girl. It's the hair. Then came his quick turn to vitriol, insults under his breath. I got inside and none of my friends were there yet. I pretended to be alright, cold-blooded. Like I don't feel anything.

I learned that quickly, that being a man is not a trump card, not for me. Some people tell me this can't be true, it's not the part about being a man. I become comprehensible to them only if they separate me from an important part of my whole, if they dictate myself back to me in a way they find acceptable, in line with their worldview. Sometimes I am asked to completely disavow it to be let back into life. That is a very old trick. I got tired of it when I was still a little girl.

I know that it is the catalyst. The thing about me, the nail in the coffin. No matter what kind of man I've been, it's been true. I can't forget it even if I'm told that I must be coming at it the wrong way because I have to hold that knowledge close to survive. When I abandon it I abandon myself. Bad things start to happen again.

Why is my understanding of the violence that happens to me up for debate? How can you debate a thing you can't even look wholly at? Who gets to abstract it, define it? I should really be asking, who decides what is too insignificant to be considered part of the definition? What violence gets to slip through the cracks, undefined as violence? Why? Why are my friends disappearing into abusive relationships like I did for most of my life? Why are my friends killing themselves? Why does no one notice?

I guess there are a lot of questions that everyone's afraid to ask.

[kindasleepywriter]

Bird of Prey - Chapter 5: Smoke and Fire

Bird of Prey masterlist. Azriel x Reader.

Chapter summary: A russet eyed friend welcomes you back. Heat overwhelms you and Azriel.

Story rating: Mature - Minors DNI

Warnings: Some smut. Mentions/flashbacks of past abuse. Slight fluff followed by a LOT of angst.

Word count: 2.7k.

Previous | Next

The bed was uncomfortable, too soft. Everything, in fact, felt too accommodating. You’ve been living in forest and mountain hideouts for decades now. Taking a hot bath felt wrong and wearing freshly washed clothes even more so.

In the wild, there is no such thing as clean. You can get close to it, certainly, but there was always a bit of grime that lingered in the handwashed cloth or the length of your hair. It didn’t bother you, as the absence of plumbing in the forests also meant a lack of people that would try and hurt you.

If you were being honest, the so-called normalcy of your new forced habits made you panic. You felt too exposed, too vulnerable. When you look like you’re not a part of common society, most people who were curious about the presence of a fae of your kind in other courts were too offput by your clear distance from common society. Too feral, too wild. But out there you were protected, you were safe, and you didn’t have to live your life waiting for another person to inevitably try to use you for their own gain.

You’d filled the tub with the coldest water the house could provide you with that morning.

You hadn’t missed your new markings, either. This was the first real bargain you’d ever made, having naturally made petty bets like all the other kids on childish games. This one, however, you would have to keep more than a few minutes.

You knew they went up to the base of your scull, but you hadn’t realized how far down your backs they reached. It looked like a long wisp of smoke, starting along your spine just above your rear, and trailed up until it disappeared in your hairline. You quite liked the design, honestly. You had seen some godawful ones in some very visible places, so you thanked the mother for the simple spine design. The way it trailed in between your wings, partially buried beneath soft feathers, made you quite content. You felt quite vain thinking it, but you thought it looked beautiful on you.

Azriel hadn’t visited you once for the first two days since the beginning of your stay. In fact, you hadn’t seen anyone but Cassian and Nesta, who alternated the role of babysitter with a great deal of annoyance. You got along relatively well with Cassian, if training together in silence could be considered as such. Nesta hadn’t exactly warmed up to you, but she’d stopped sneering at you every time she replaced Cassian. No conversations were had during those 48 hours, the house only resonating a tense silence except for when Cassian and Nesta spoke during dinner.

On the third day, however, the atmosphere completely changed. You were walking out of the sitting room towards the training grounds with Cassian, ready to beat your body into submission again, and as you traversed the main hall of the House of Wind, beating wings were heard, growing increasingly louder. The noise was followed by a voice calling out:

“Hey, Feathers, look over here!”

You turned around to the familiar voice, unable to resist grinning at the newcomer – Lucien. You couldn’t believe it. It must’ve been at least 300 years since you had last saw him. The second he landed and jumped out from the arms of the Illyrian who had carried him, Azriel, he started running towards you at full speed. You braced for impact as he collided with you, sending you both tumbling to the ground, holding on tightly to each other. You both sat up, still in an embrace.

“God, you don’t know how much I missed you, I thought you were dead!”, he exclaimed, his face solidly buried in your hair.

You let out a laugh. “Come on Kit, did you really think I’d go through all that we did just to die on you? Be realistic, please.”

He separated from you holding your face in his hands, pushing his forehead to yours.

“From the ashes and smoke-”, he began.

“-rises the fiercest fire.”, you finished softly. “I remember, Kit.”

“I thought you were gone, Feathers.”, he said, his voice shaking. “No one had seen you, even Amarantha couldn’t find you, I thought it was over.”

“I followed our deal, I always made sure someone could inform you if a mission went wrong. I’d never leave you in the dark like that, Lucien.”

You both finally separated, standing again, still holding on to each other’s forearms. You looked him over, shocked to see how different he looked.

“Gods, what happened to your eye?”, you exclaimed as you cradled the left side of his face and softly ran a finger along his scar, “What Puca did you piss off this time?”

“Ha! well, not-so-funny story-”

A loud Ah-um reminded you both that you were in the presence of other people. Cassian looked at you both incredulously, while Azriel’s were narrowed and fixed on Lucien.

“When you said you knew her, you didn’t mention you two had… history.”, the Shadowsinger declared.

You and Lucien burst into laughter again.

“Wait you think that he- that we-”, you let out, wiping at your eyes as tears leaked out of them, unable to complete the sentence as you fell victim to another fit of laughter.

Lucien looked torn between amusement at your reaction and panic “Oh gods no, never- don’t try to imply that to Elain, I swear to you I’ve never touched her that way in my entire life!”, he rather suddenly exclaimed.

You, finally calming down and only chuckling, let out: “I can’t believe you would keep our eternal love a secret, Lucien, I wouldn’t have told my father to prepare for a proposmmm-”

Lucien had clasped a hand over your mouth, clearly not happy with your sarcasm, worry in his eyes.

“You’re not helping, Feathers.”

Oh. You’d forgotten one crucial piece of information in the shock of seeing him: he was mated and, if the rumors were true, it was to the third Archeron sister, the one you hadn’t met yet. Elain, apparently. You brought up two hands in a peace gesture, and he let you go with a friendly shove. “Sorry, Sorry, should’ve read the room. You do have to tell me about her Luc, I’ve only-”

“While this reunion is clearly the height of fun for you both, Lucien came here for a reason, he’s the one who’s supposed to watch over you for the next few days, although I’m now heavily doubting that decision.”, Azriel interrupted. You scowled.

“Ah come on Az, let them have their little reunion, they clearly haven’t seen each other in years”, Cassian said, “She hasn’t done anything troublesome since she’s been here, and I think she talked more in the last five 5 minutes than she has in the last three days. How about you cut her some slack. Oh, also, being able to go to the loo alone would also be an appreciated gesture. It gets awkward fast when you listen to each other pee.”

Azriel didn’t look pleased. “Fine. As long as she stays in this house.”, he gritted out.

He glanced at the others before marching himself over to you, taking your wrist and almost dragging you to another hallway. You looked over your shoulder at Lucien, hoping he might try and stay something, but he was only watching with amusement. Traitor.

The Shadowsinger led you into a room at the end of the corridor, pushing the door closed and turning you around, trapping you between his body and the door, his hands resting on the wood on both sides of your shoulder. He wasn’t much taller than you, your Peregryn genes made sure of that, but he had his wings flared wide behind him. Consequently, the only thing you could see was him and his shadows. Not that they were very intimidating, mind you, only curiously climbing up your arms and settling on your shoulders. They were cold but almost… comforting. They reminded you of the winds of the Illyrian mountains when winter was just settling in.

You battled the urge to also spread your wings and physically push him back, but you took every ounce of patience you had to keep yourself calm. He couldn’t hurt you; he was just trying to look more intimidating. You could handle that. He looked furious.

“What the hell was that back there with Lucien, huh?”, he growled, “Involving yourself with a mated male?”

“By the mother, you really think we were together, don’t you?”

“Well, you two were certainly acting like it, Feathers.”

You gritted your teeth. Yes, you and Lucien had nicknames for each other, but it wasn’t like that.

“We’ve never laid together, we never will, and I’m not lying!.”

“You better not be. He’s already lived too much pain for the sake of his bond, and I will NOT have you destroy all the effort he and Elain have put in to reach where they are now.”

Pain, for his mating bond? You’d have to ask Lucien about it later, but Azriel sounded so angry about the past events that you doubted you’d get full answers- relationship troubles had never been your forte, not really a model of the healthiest relationship back then, and Lucien had never felt the need to come to you for those types of things. Some things were too personal, even between you two.

“Look, we were barely out of our teenage years when we met! I was in an unfamiliar court for a man that didn’t give me the time of day despite our engagement. I was harassed constantly by all the other Vansera brothers, just like Lucien. We were scared and we were alone.”

Your voice cracked, and you took a breath, trying to steady it. You were shivering with anger, despite the shadows around you attempting to soothe you, caressing your neck. You wouldn’t have anyone try to twist your relationship with Lucien, he was the only real family you had left. Time hadn’t changed that, and neither would empty threats.

“We protected each other until the end. We were going to make it out of there alive no matter what it took, and we did. He’s the only reason why I made it out. So, before you start throwing accusations of situations you have absolutely no idea about, learn to trust your fucking friends. Doesn’t he deserve that, at the very least?”

The both of you were breathing hard, both absolutely on edge. You had no idea what was happening to you, you felt like your insides were catching on fire. You hadn’t let yourself feel in years, and this… rage, within you, it suffocated you, it was too. much.

Your faces were only inches from each other, staring into each other’s eyes. His were hazel. You hadn’t noticed that before.

You had no idea who lunged first, but suddenly were brushing against Azriel’s torso as your lips collided. His hands dropped from the door to your hips, pressing you fully against his chest as one of yours reached for the base of his neck and the other his hair, tugging him closer. If you’d felt like fire before, now you were consumed by the sun itself. Every inch of you was burning from his touch, too much and not enough all at once. His lips moved against yours in a relentless battle, neither letting the other take control. His shadows covered the both of you. You could feel them trailing along your skin, the only source of relief from the heat burning through you.

His hands gripped your backside harshly when you thrust your hips up into him, and you let out a soft moan of pleasure at the contact. He didn’t waste a second, using the opportunity to thrust his tongue into your mouth, sliding against yours as he let out a groan. Something in the back of your mind was trying to get you to stop this, to escape, but you ignored every warning.

Your scents had sharpened, arousal flooding the both of you, mist and cedar overtaking your senses. He tugged at your thighs and you immediately obeyed, jumping to secure your legs around his waist. He crossed the room and deposited you on a wooden surface- a desk? A table? It didn’t really matter. He fit himself between your legs as your lips continued their furious movement, only halting to breathe before you started again, while you slid your hand down his front, feeling every inch of muscle that wasn’t covered by his thick Illyrian leathers. You could feel him against your core, the visible proof of his arousal providing you with only the slightest friction.

His right hand trailed down to your hip and then down between your legs. His thumb pressed ever so softly on your bundle of nerves through your thin pants and panties, and just that had you letting out a low cry against his mouth. He softly shushed you, his teeth nipping your bottom lip.

He reached for your back again, and you arched as you waited for him to pull you closer, but instead you felt his fingers softly brush the back of your wings, treading lightly over the sensitive spot where white feathers connected with delicate skin, making you shudder.

Instantly afterwords, it felt like a cold shower had rained down on you. His hand had trailed up almost exactly to the area where an Illyrian could be clipped- the most vulnerable part of their wing. A Peregryn’s anatomy wasn’t quite the same but whether he knew it or not, the message was the same: he had you completely at his mercy. Gone was the pleasurable consuming heat, replaced by white-hot panic. What was happening to you, letting him touch you, your wings? He was part of the Inner Circle, he contributed willingly to the suffering of thousands of women in this Court, and now he was willing to use those same wings as a sexual tool. Absolutely. Not.

You swiftly pushed him off and jumped down what you could now see was a desk, breathing erratically. Your wings reflexively tucked themselves so tight against your back it felt like you were going to pull a tendon; you leaped across the room making your way to the door.

“Wait!”, he called, his voice scratchy, a hand closing against your wrist. You glanced at him, looking up to see him shocked, concern lacing his eyes. Your fear increased tenfold.

“I can’t- You’re- , FUCK, don’t you dare touch me.”

You harshly tugged your hand out of his, running towards your bedroom at full speed, immediately locking the door behind you. You silently slid to the floor, your back against the door and tears filling your vision as you replayed what had just happened repeatedly. How had you lost control so easily?

Your feathered wings stretched around you as you tried to soothe yourself. You were itching to jump straight off the room’s balcony, let the air stretch your neglected muscles and fly back to the same caves and mountains where no one would find you, but you simply could not, all because of that stupid bargain.

Your hands reached the tendons and muscles of your wings, trying to ground yourself in the present. He couldn’t hurt you; he couldn’t even touch a single feather if you didn’t want him to. Your wings were safe, you were still free, they didn’t know. There weren't sharp hands tugging at your feathers in reminder of your forced submission, no one holding you down as you begged for mercy. You sat there, obsessively running your fingers through the feathers, feeling each and every one you could reach until you let yourself fall to the side, your wings still cocooned around you as you stared at the opposite wall in silence.

In your panic, you hadn’t noticed the doorknob’s wooden surface had smoked beneath your hand in the study. Someone else had.

I couldn't help posting it early!

Many revelations in this chapter! I had absolutely not planned the study scene to be so steamy but sometimes you have something planned and the story decides it knows better than you x)

Please let me know what you think!! This is my first time writing anything explicit, I'd love to hear how it reads <3

Banner created by the amazing @saradika!

Taglist: @sapphenaa

[otaku553]

The way you described sarie in the tags of your Sabo au reminds me a lot about boa and my favorite interpretation of her love for luffy: that boa isn’t really in love w luffy, she’s just so traumatized that she thinks she’s in love the first time she meets a guy that sees her for the person she is and doesn’t judge her for her past. Sarie seems like she’s the same way, with Sabo treating her well and making her believe that she’s in love when she’s rlly just experiencing decency for the first time

Heheheh yeah! I agree strongly on that for Boa and Luffy, I think that Boa does not actually feel romantic attraction to luffy but is just so alienated from this feeling of platonic friendship as a result of being the object of other people’s attraction and having been exposed to that for so long, what she has with luffy is unique and she comes to perceive it as “love,” just not necessarily the kind of love she thinks it is.

That said, with Sarie, I do feel that it is a bit different! It’s not so much “decency” that she is experiencing for the first time from Sabo, but rather honesty. The problem with being a princess is that everyone tells her that they love her, and at some point, she must realize that these are shallow words that people use to endear themselves to her for ulterior motives. I’ve been turning around this phrase in my head: ‘the realm of nobility is not one in which truths are said.’ Sarie herself is such a strong example of this in canon with her verbal tic of triple negations which make it very difficult to understand her, so playing on that, I think she would also have an intimate understanding of the ways nobles twist words and never say things straight out.

Now take Sabo, who has been one of her suitors for the better part of their teenage years, who she knows his parents have been trying to get with her to get an in to the royal family for ages, and he talks to her the night before she makes the decision on who to marry as the princess, who to choose as the third heir to the throne, and he says: “look. We both know that this is something my parents have always wanted more than me. You don’t have to choose me.” And she asks what he would do if he were king, and he answers about all the people he would help and all the ideas he has to better Goa for the masses, and. She’s charmed. I think Sabo is, if nothing else, capable of being extremely extremely genuine about the good he wants to do in the world, and he makes clear to her, in no uncertain terms, that he would be a good king, but doesn’t want to be king because he both respects her choice and knows that he is doing this for ulterior motives.

That honesty, in his moment of vulnerability, is what wins her over. But not quite just that— it is the way that he is so determined to save others, when she has been thinking for the past years about how miserable he looks and how she wants to save him somehow.

Now also, imagine that Sarie has been told for all her life the words “I love you.” And not a single time has those words been said in truth, in full genuine affection and care for her as a person rather than her as a princess, her as a vehicle to the throne, her as a political token for the royal family, her as a mascot and mouthpiece. I think this honesty that Sabo shows is a lifeline she clings onto, because she knows after his confession that he is capable, in moments of vulnerability, of being honest. And I think she truly wants to hear Sabo say to her, honestly, the words “I love you.” I think she wants to know that there is at least someone in the world that truly loves her, and she just thinks it will be easiest with Sabo because she can give Sabo everything he wants: means to help the people through political authority. She just gives it in what she hopes will be an exchange for his honest love.

I have very many thoughts about Sarie haha :) I don’t think she’s a good person, but I do think she has the potential to be a very complex character. This au is largely my way of examining the ways growing up with nobility might have affected the characters that are most closely associated with nobility. I think they must be very fucked up but in different ways from the main one piece cast and its usual supporting characters.

[animebw]

I realize I haven't really said anything about Mayu yet, the new character at the center of most of Eupho S3's drama. Partly that's because Kumirei has sucked up so much of my brain juice that it's hard to focus on anything else (despite the fact there's plenty more going on in this show than just its central relationship). But partly that's because Mayu herself has been a very wait-and-see kind of character. The show very deliberately alienates you from her at first, forcing you and Kumiko to take her in gradually as you try to understand what kind of person she is. Eupho's always been very firmly planted in Kumiko's perspective; we very rarely get scenes without her present, or hear what's going on in other characters' heads unless they're outright telling her. So just as Kumiko feels a massive wall between them, the audience does to- until we're finally able to breach that wall and meet Mayu on her own terms.

Which is funny, because in retrospect, Mayu has always been the most honest character in the entire show! She came onto the scene telling us what she's about- "I don't want to make waves or upset people, I just want to get along with everyone"- and the only real "reveal" about her is the fact that she was being genuine about that. We just assumed there must be something else going on because we're stuck in Kumiko's perspective, and the visual language Mayu is presented with- dark shadows, uncomfortable intrusions on familiar spaces- is a representation of how Kumiko feels about this hotshot new euphonium player threatening to steal her spot. It makes us see her how Kumiko sees her, makes us want to believe there's some sinister motive behind her pleasant smile, some cruelty she masks with kindness. But once Kumiko gets over that discomfort and actually talks to her, she realizes the only person Mayu's really lying to is herself. She does want to get along with everyone. She doesn't want to upset people and mess up Kitauji's status quo. She is genuinely a nice person who wants the best for everyone else. The only thing she was hiding was how much she actually wanted to be a part of the community with everyone instead of keeping herself at a distance to preserve the peace.

And honestly? That's kind of a perfect "antagonist" for Kumiko's final chapter. Every school year has pitted Kumiko against another euphonium player- Asuka, Kanade, now Mayu- who Kumiko can only come to understand and accept by being honest about what she wants and believes. But the difference is Asuka and Kanade were both- and I say this affectionately- manipulative little shits who were very good at hiding their true selves behind a mask to get what they wanted out of other people. So Kumiko had to approach them from a place of honesty, pushing aside their attempts to bluster and drawing their true selves to the surface by showing her own vulnerability. She had to be more honest than them so they could be honest with themselves in turn. But now with Mayu, Kumiko's finally facing someone who's more honest than her, and instead of pulling Mayu up to her level, she has to rise to Mayu's level. Only then can she fully accept who she is and who she wants to be- not someone chasing solitary greatness like Reina, but someone who wants to raise everyone else up with her, even if that means she'll never achieve greatness on her own.