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cptsdstudyblr · 4 years

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Cults & Religious Abuse PART 1: Q & A

If you don’t want to see this series, you can block #cptsdstudyblrreligion

tw// cults, religion, religious abuse, religious trauma, mentions of other types of abuse

Anonymous asked:

Ask for ur series - as someone who hasn’t been thru religious abuse, what can I do to support my friends who have been?

Answer:

I love this question and I’m so glad that you’re the type of friend who thinks to ask this type of question! This is a question that I’ll definitely be addressing in much more detail later in this series, but I’ll go into the basics of it here and try to answer your question thoroughly.

From my personal experience, religious abuse and religious trauma are difficult traumas to talk about for a couple of extra reasons beyond those that make trauma difficult to talk about in general. A lot of the time, these experiences can come across as farfetched and unbelievable to people who are unfamiliar with fundamentalist or extreme religions. Additionally, in a lot of situations, the person might worry that their negative experiences with religion will be received poorly by someone who is still religious. Of course, these are generalizations and are by no means the case for everyone, but I can only speak from my experience.

I don’t know if you’re a religious person, but if you are, I would encourage you to make every effort to put that perspective aside when supporting a friend who has experienced religious trauma. This doesn’t mean you should pretend you aren’t religious or anything along those lines, but it does mean that you’ll need to consciously acknowledge that something you hold dear has significantly harmed someone you care about and put aside any beliefs that might make you hesitate to believe them or that might cause you to push that religion on them once again.

As an example, I was a victim of extremely fundamentalist Christianity and my best friend of almost 10 years is a devout Catholic. Because I was afraid that she wouldn’t believe me or would try to convince me that I should still be a Christian, it took me until earlier this year to actually talk to her about my trauma. But the way she responded, while imperfect, put aside her religious beliefs to support me. She told me that she believed me, that she was sorry that I’d had that experience, and that she would never push me to be religious or participate in religious activities. And she has followed through with those statements, which is even more important than the initial statement. I would also recommend that you ask your friend how much they’re comfortable talking about religion in general as this will vary by person (and if you’re not comfortable asking, err on the side of caution). I know I’m okay talking about religion as long as it isn’t something that’s explicitly related to my experiences, but this won’t be the same for everyone.

I would also encourage you to be supportive and understanding of the way your friend was raised to see the world. It’s most likely vastly different to how you see the world, and these perspectives take a long time to overcome. I might even say that some may never be fully overcome. It’s absolutely okay (and probably recommended) to point out when they have a misconception, but it’s important to point this out kindly and acknowledge that it’s a product of their environment and doesn’t necessarily reflect on them. Give them a solid chance to reconstruct their view of the world rather than jumping to the assumption that they are a bad person because of something they were told as a child that they didn’t have any way to correct.

Other than these few specific answers, you should just be generally supportive as you would to anyone who has experienced trauma. And as always, the best thing you can do is to ask them how you can help.

Anonymous asked:

Is it part of religious abuse to use faith, religion and the threat of "curses" and damnation in order to stop us from responding/reporting/calling out other forms of abuse- like physical and verbal abuse? ie, "God will punish you if you're not grateful to us", "God will punish you if you complain", "God will take everything away if you don't attend this ritual even when you're not physically capable of it"?

Answer:

Yes, using faith, religion, and religious threats to prevent you from responding appropriately to other forms of abuse is absolutely religious abuse and I’m so sorry if that is something that you have experienced. If you’re currently experiencing abuse, I’d encourage you to visit any of these resources and make some sort of plan to ensure your safety:

US Domestic Violence Hotline or +1 (800) 799-7233

International Domestic Violence Hotlines

Domestic Violence Hotline’s Article on Spiritual Abuse

Wikipedia Article about Religious Abuse (very basic explanation)

I would also encourage you to report any abuse that’s occurring in your home, especially if any children are involved, but please make sure that you and everyone else involved are as safe as possible when doing so. If you have a trusted friend or family member, you could also reach out to them.

@thiswilldragon asked:

Do you have any tips on how people who weren’t raised in cults should interact with people who were, but have now left?

(A few years ago I ran into someone who used to be really awful to me at school - she was trying to be nice and I blanked her. I now realise her parents had convinced her that I literally worshipped Satan and she was probably terrified of me every time I was in the room.)

Answer:

First, I would encourage you to follow the advice given in my first answer about supporting a friend who has experienced trauma caused by religion. Of course, only you can know how much of this advice is applicable in specific situations, but in general it’s a good idea to be as supportive as possible in a respectful way.

Second, I would encourage you to let the other person set the boundaries for interaction. In this situation you described, this other person was likely pretty uncomfortable interacting with you. In situations like that, I would simply let them set the boundaries. If it seems like they’re interested in talking to you, you might feel confident enough to start up a casual conversation, but if they generally avoid you, you might prefer to avoid unnecessary interactions. In general though, you should interact in a nonthreatening, kind, open way. It might also be beneficial to avoid making jokes that could come across negatively until you’re certain that it won’t be a problem to do so because in my experience people can take those jokes pretty seriously.

PART 2: So you’re in a cult?

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its-bound-to-get-loud · 4 years

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Why I believe 5SOS didn’t work as a pop-punk band (+ my opinion on THAT Rolling Stone article)

This title of this post may be an unpopular opinion for a lot of you. But I don’t believe 5SOS worked as a pop-punk band. In this post I will explain exactly why. I hope that even if you don’t agree, you will at least understand my POV. This post is probably gonna have a lot of text. Not a lot of links, videos or pictures involved. I hope it will still be interesting for you. All of this is just my personal opinion, I have no way of proving that this is 100% true. It’s just a careful deduction of things I’ve seen and thought about over the last few months, mixed with some personal opinions. With this post I’m trying to tackle some topics that are being talked about often and showing them in a different light. I’ve put quite a lot of time into writing this, so I’m hoping you will appreciate it. Finally a huge, massive thank you to my friend R for proofreading this, it means a lot to me.

To start things off, I’ve had quite a lot of thoughts about this topic: I don’t think 5SOS truly worked as a pop-punk band. The image didn’t fit them and it wasn’t right for their era. It was a fun sound, I enjoy listening to it, they probably even enjoyed making it. Obviously fans enjoyed it as well. I fully believe that when they first started, pop-punk is what the guys wanted to sound like. It’s the music they listened to, those were the bands they looked up to. When they got signed they had not been a band for a super long time, they were young and barely had any experience in both life and music. I’m not someone with an extensive knowledge of pop-punk groups, but from what I know a lot of these bands were misfits, outcasts. People who didn’t feel like they had a place in society. In some cases from broken homes, with bad childhoods, etc. That’s who they were and it’s what their music was about.

I’d say 5SOS as whole do fit those characteristics. They were from a small town where music wasn’t really a career for most people. So they felt the need to get out of their town and pursue music. Michael dropped out of school for music, Ashton obviously had a very difficult home situation. Calum has mentioned that his family didn’t have a lot of money when he was younger. I’m not sure how the situation was for the others. But besides this, everyone but Ashton came from a stable home, Calum’s parents separated later on. So I can see why the guys related to these pop punk bands put out songs about this. Especially when you’re a teenager you often feel misunderstood by everyone else.

But when 5SOS started they looked more like a boyband than a pop punk band. Their earliest songs were mostly love songs. While the boys might have felt like being a pop punk band, and maybe even considered themselves to be one, I would say they were more of a pop/pop rock band.

In some cases a label can mold an artist or band into a certain image upon signing. But 5SOS had already gathered a following before they were even signed, so molding them into a rougher pop-punk image right upon signing would not have worked, it would not have been organic. They probably didn’t want to alienate the fans they already had, because they were valuable in getting the word out about 5SOS.

Their first manager, Adam Wilkinson, didn’t seem to think 5SOS would work as a pop-punk band as well. Just look at these quotes taken from That infamous 2015 Rolling Stone article (I will not link it, because I despise it, just google if you feel the need to read it).

“While they cannot cross into the realm of pop punk, they can stand on the sidelines and capture the end of that market.”

“They always wanted to be Blink 182 or Good Charlotte, but I’ll be the first to admit I thought that was shooting too far,” says Wilkinson. “We tried to make them a little more pop.”

That last quote is basically what happened. 5SOS ended up connected to One Direction, a huge pop act at the time. A connection that wasn’t as much of a “coincidence” as they wanted to make it look like. Louis was never the one to truly discover 5SOS, this was simply a smart PR decision to connect 5SOS to the 1D fanbase and grow their audience. I highly suggest reading this post that lays out exactly how 5SOS came to get signed and how their connection to 1D began. You will see that there is clear evidence that it didn’t happen like they wanted us to believe.

And let’s be real. Take a look at this early 5SOS picture. Does this look like the next Green Day or All Time Low? They all look like the boy next door, with maybe the exception of Michael. Basically they had the looks of a boyband, and while they never have been a traditional boyband (and certainly aren’t now), they certainly were marketed as one early on. This is a label that still sticks to them to this day.

I fully believe that their team (management/record label) tried to slowly evolve them into a more pop-punk image as they got bigger. They couldn’t ride the 1D train forever and had to stand on their own 2 feet. That’s where we arrive at the Sounds Good Feels Good era. This is a fascinating era for me, because there is a shift. Their looks start changing, suddenly they slowly become rockstars, piercings start happening. The boys are growing up. They are old enough to drink, girls are in the picture, etc. Musically it’s also clear that their sound is changing. The self-titled album is still fairly pop-rock, 1D but a little edgier perhaps. Sounds Good Feels Good is the more pop-punk album. But is it really? Because as most fans will know, the album knows 2 sounds. It has the clear pop-punk bops, such as Money or Safety Pin (to name a few), but there’s also some songs that already predict the sound for Youngblood such as, for example, Waste The Night and Vapor. It’s clear to me that while they probably still enjoyed their pop-punk sound the guys were growing up and were slowly discovering what music their sound as a band should be.

If we’re being honest for a moment. What songs from SGFG really feel the most personal? Sure, She’s Kinda Hot is a bop, but what about Vapor? Vapor is by far my favorite song on the album, it tells me a story, it makes me feel emotion. Now I’m very biased towards SKH, because (unpopular opinion) I don’t like the song much because of the lyrics. But that’s a different story (we may get to that someday). There is nothing wrong with a song that’s a bop, you need those. I could enjoy SKH if it wasn’t for the lyrics. But bops can have meaning too. SKH doesn’t in my opinion. Besides the fact that the guys were growing up and maturing their sound, the music scene just wasn’t very pop-punk or even rock based anymore. It wasn’t a sound that was popular anymore.

I took a look at the billboard charts and pulled some statistics. Friday October 23 was the release date for SGFG. The Top 3 Billboard hot 100 songs that week were

The Weeknd – The Hills

Drake – Hotline Bling

Justin Bieber – What Do You Mean?

The songs/artists closest to 5SOS in sound in the WHOLE Billboard Hot 100 that week were One Direction – Drag Me Down, Fall Out Boy – Uma Thurman and Twenty One Pilots – Stressed Out. That’s 3 songs in a list of 100 songs and you can debate how close the sound of those actually was to the sound of 5SOS at the time.

Taking a look at the Billboard 200 Year-End chart, the #1 is Taylor Swift – 1989. SGFG ended up at #136 (keep in mind that the album was released in October, so close to the end of the year). 5SOS self-titled ended up at #73. The LIVESOS album ranked #176. There’s a few other records that can be considered rock in the list, but barely any pop-punk in the whole chart. The only one to be considered for that title would be Fall Out Boy’s – American Beauty/American Psycho album, which was #15.

Pop-punk or rock in general, wasn’t a popular sound that topped the charts around the time 5SOS got started as a mainstream act. Number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 the week 5SOS released their first ep (Unplugged) was Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. The real mainstream success of pop-punk was mostly in the late 90’s running all the way through the early 2000’s. This is why I wonder why the label tried to make them into a pop-punk band in the first place. My best guess is that their team relied on the fans to push the success of the band forward after they came off of 1D’s Where We Are tour. They might have tried to create an edgier version of 1D with similar success. Where you create a fan base that is big enough to support the band without the need of casual listeners or fans from different demographics (male, female, old, young, etc.).

I think they relied too much on 1D fans to gravitate towards 5SOS as well, which may have been a mistake. Not all 1D fans actually liked 5SOS, some even actively stayed away from them the more they were pushed under their noses. When I entered the 1D fandom in 2014 most things I saw about 5SOS were negative. 1D fans considered them problematic and didn’t like them. This is partially why I steered away from 5SOS at the time. Besides that, I had enough going on with 1D to keep me occupied. Of course 5SOS’s fan base still grew quite a bit from the 1D exposure, but they never got to the same heights as 1D did. In several interviews the guys have said that they were being called “the biggest band that nobody has ever heard of”.

On a more personal note. As a recent fan, the whole pop-punk image never felt very genuine to me. Which might be because I came into the fandom backwards, starting with CALM and going back to their older material after that (side note: I did listen to the Youngblood album once or twice before). Don’t get me wrong, I love SGFG, I play it regularly. Money is a banger, Hey Everybody!, a bop, Permanent Vacation, love it! But as a fan I like to identify with songs and recognize that the artist is telling something that is personal to them. I don’t get that feeling from some of these songs.

An example of a song that is emotional, yet (mostly) not personal to the band is Broken Home. It’s a beautiful song, but I generally skip it. 1, because it’s a very sad song and it’s not always something I’m in the mood for. 2, because it’s not a song I relate to on a personal level. And most importantly 3, I don’t see the song relating to 5SOS as people, other than maybe Ashton. An interesting quote about the song, made by their producer John Feldman, is on the genius page for this song.

“Other than Ashton, the three guys have parents who are still together. Ashton has never met his father. Ashton really connected into the theme. “We’re saying something with this song, it’s going to connect with the audience, at least 50% of our audience comes from broken homes. We’re actually taking a stand.” The other guys are loyal and family-driven and sweet, so they were like, “What are our parents going to think about us singing about a broken home when we don’t come from broken homes? How authentic is it?” It was a two-month debate.”

So the guys themselves were already questioning the authenticity of the topic when they were recording it. Ashton connected to the theme of the song, but the others didn’t. It wasn’t something they had experienced. It doesn’t say why the song made it on the album anyway. As stated in the quote, a lot fans can relate to it. I’m sure many fans found comfort in the song, which is a nice thing. The song doesn’t make you relate to the band though. If any of them had written this song from a personal experience it would have connected a lot differently. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that the song is not personal, it just doesn’t feel very genuine when you know the artist has no relation to the story they are telling.

Moving on to the 2015 Rolling Stone article I have mentioned before. This seems to cause some division among fans. Was it all true or was it made up? My opinion is that it’s a mixture of truth and BS. But a whole lot of it feels taken out context or exaggerated. I have been a fan since March, so I wasn’t around at the time this came out. But since becoming a fan I have watched tons of interviews and clips and have extensively discussed this band with my friend, so I’d like to say I have done my homework and have a good picture of this band. On top of that I’d like to think being a 1D fan sharpened my critical thinking skills and might have helped me see through certain bullshit. I don’t claim to be the person with all the answers, but maybe my thoughts make sense to some people. There might be some context that I’m missing or facts that I haven’t come across, if you feel like there’s a piece of information I’m missing, feel free to let me know.

The way the article starts, it reads like fanfiction. Literally. The extensive description of the surroundings, the time of day, everything. The first time I read it, it made me cringe so hard I had trouble getting through the whole thing. First things first. This interview takes place the day after the AMA’s. Who the fuck scheduled this? Either someone should have prevented them from getting drunk and partying, or they should have scheduled this on another day when these guys were in a better state of mind. That is, assuming things went the way they went as described in the article. Which is something I highly doubt.

The only direct source saying that this article is not genuine is this tweet from Luke. Besides that I have only read secondhand that the band and people surrounding them have spoken up about the inaccuracy of the article.

Some people believe 5SOS could have sued Rolling Stone for slander if this article was really as false as they claim. Now I’m no lawyer, but this is not how things work in the entertainment industry. An article like this has been agreed upon before. The interviewer didn’t just decide to drop by one day. During celebrity interviews there’s always someone from their management or PR team around to make sure they don’t say any stupid shit. Celebrities are a brand, they have an image to protect, albums to sell. If they say things that make them look bad it can cause damage to their good name. Record companies have invested money in artists and they want to see a profit in return. They don’t want to risk losing money, that’s why celebrities have PR teams. RS may have had a reputation for being a very honorable publication, but these days that’s not the case. They are not that far removed from cheap gossip rags such as the Sun or The Daily Mail nowadays. They still get read by a lot of people, which puts them in a position of power. Often when an interview takes place there are certain topics that have been agreed upon before, there are also topics that can be blacklisted if the artist or their team doesn’t want them talked about. For example relationships or family matters. These will also be agreed upon beforehand.

Here is a story about a former journalist for the British tabloid The Daily Star, who has admitted to making up stories and explains how they get away with it.

For arguments sake, let’s say the guys slipped up and showed their “true colors”. With a big publication like this it’s common that their team would have to approve the article before it comes out. If there’s anything in there that was not agreed upon that they don’t like, the article can be edited.

This leaves us a few possibilities.

The article is completely true and their team is shit at their job. They failed to prevent the boys from slipping up about stuff they shouldn’t and did nothing to stop Rolling Stone from publishing.

The article is true and their team just allowed the article to be published for whatever reason.

The article isn’t true, but their team let it happen anyway, possibly because they wanted to move the band away from their boyband image into a more punk-rock image that went with their sound.

My vote goes out to the last one. I think their team wanted to make the boys look more edgy/punk-rock and get rid of their boyband image and this is how they tried to do it. I think parts of the article may be true, but a lot of it is greatly exaggerated and in some cases made up. If my theory is true, it also means 5SOS or their team had no reason to sue Rolling Stone if they wanted to. Because it would mean you have a major publication on your bad side, which means no more future promotional opportunities for the band and/or the label. While Rolling Stone may be trash, it’s a publication that a lot of people read. Therefore it’s a very important connection that you don’t want on your bad side.

If you still think they could have sued Rolling Stone then take a look at some examples from 1D. 1D has been targeted by the British tabloid The Sun for YEARS. They wrote the most awful shit, a lot of it not true. Yet they still had exclusive scoops whenever something important happened. Exclusive meaning, these topics were given to them exclusively for publishing. It was proven that their PR manager is friends with the journalist from The Sun responsible for most of the stuff written. 1D never sued The Sun for those articles, because they most likely were agreed upon by their team beforehand. 1D has never tried suing the Sun over anything, despite what they wrote. This was not 1 article, these were many articles. Especially towards the end of 1D, when it was clear their label was losing 1D, there was a smear campaign in the media to discredit 1D and its members. There was a chance some members were going to sign with a competing label, and that’s something their label didn’t like. Here is a good collection of headlines from that smear campaign. Nobody ever got sued over these articles.

Do you still think 5SOS could have just stood up and sued Rolling Stone? The entertainment business is full of politics. If you don’t play the game you’re out. Also, question yourself. Why does Luke still say the article was twisted and inaccurate 4,5 years later? He has owned up and apologized for past mistakes, yet he keeps insisting the article didn’t tell the truth. He even goes to say that the article “broke and hurt him”. If you believe Luke is still covering his ass for what he said in that article, that essentially would he mean he is emotionally manipulating people by saying the article hurt him. Is that the person you think Luke is?

1 more thing I want to point out. Yes, I am aware of the fact that Calum has a large version of the magazine cover hanging around in his house. I can’t say exactly why. This is my best guess. That cover was still a big thing in their career, despite the article, it is still a Rolling Stone cover. That’s a milestone that not every artist gets to do in their career. Just because he has the cover hanging around doesn’t mean he enjoyed the article that came with it.

This whole post has gotten super long, it may not be the easiest thing to get through. So thank you if you made it till the end. As stated before, this whole thing is mostly just my opinion. But the parts about how PR teams work are a fact. I do not work in the music or entertainment industry, I’m not a lawyer, so I may have gotten some things wrong. If I did, please let me know and I will try to fix it. Feedback is always appreciated.

#5 Seconds Of Summer #Ashton Irwin #Calum Hood #Luke Hemmings #Michael Clifford #5SOS #musical direction #pop-punk #Sounds Good Feels Good #Rolling Stone #original

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strayen-fx · 5 years

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My Roommate is a Demon

Minho x Reader (first person POV)

Genre: Fluff, Humor? I srsly dunno how to classify this 🤣

Wordcount: 1.9k

A/N: What is this ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Sorry for being M.I.A this past week ㅠㅠ

I wasn’t expecting a visitor at such an ungodly hour of the day. More importantly, I wasn’t expecting to see a demon chilling on my couch while petting my cat at two in the morning.

It was supposed to be a simple hangout over Netflix and fastfood, but Changbin insisted that we deserve a more “interesting” Friday night. Apparently, he stumbled upon a bunch of summoning spells in the internet, and he was more than excited to try them out. His enthusiasm won over our protests, and we spent the night over black candles and weird symbols he had copied from god-knows-where.

“Why exactly are we summoning a ghost?” Chan asked, obviously skeptic about the whole thing.

“Binnie hyung just wants to scare himself,” Jisung said. I noted, though, that his hands were shaking uncontrollably as he shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Changbin rolled his eyes. “We aren’t summoning a ghost, you folks. We are summoning a demon who could grant our wishes.”

“Like a genie,” Chan remarked sarcastically.

I sat on the couch beside Doongie, my one-year-old cat, who was busy licking his fur. “Why exactly are we doing it in my house?” I grunted.

Changbin grinned. “Because you, my friend, have the biggest stash of chips among the four of us. That is the number one requirement for the summoning to work.”

Chan paused from downing a bottle of Mountain Dew. “Oh. It’s not because of Soonie, then.”

Soonie, who was sitting comfortably on the TV stand, hissed in response. He is my three-year-old cat, and Chan is pretty much convinced that he is a spawn of Satan. (He actually typed a whole three-page essay to prove this hypothesis, but that’s beside the point.)

Jisung chuckled. “Chill, hyung. Soonie didn’t mean to spill coffee over your research paper.”

Chan groaned. “Oh, I’m sure as hell he did. He hates me – he thinks I’m stealing his master right under his nose.”

Soonie seemed to have understood that we were talking about him. He stared Chan down for a good three seconds before walking out with his nose in the air, heading towards my room. (I sometimes agree with Chan – maybe my cat is a spawn of that fiery land deep down. I mean, look at the sass. He’s gonna make Hades proud.)

Unfazed by our cat conversation, Changbin took the lead and settled himself on the center of the room. The rest of us followed begrudgingly, forming a semi-circle around a bunch of papers carelessly drawn with symbols and letters.

I knew with utmost certainty that the whole summoning was going to flop, but I wasn’t going to tell Changbin that.

We sat in silence, inhaling smoke from burning candles. We turned the lights off to complete the creepy vibe, which resulted to me having a papercut while arranging the “summoning circle” that we hastily made. Changbin was confidently muttering in Latin (or at least I thought it was Latin – it sounded gibberish to me, actually). After a few minutes of half-rapping and half-singing, he immediately gave up. He kicked the papers scattered on the floor, stood up and grabbed a slice of pizza.

“Tonight isn’t the night. We don’t have enough moon energy,” he declared.

I know not what “moon energy” was, and I was far from interested. I moved to turn the television on, not hiding the sense of relief that washed over me. Finally – the night could finally go as how it was initially planned.

Boy, was I wrong.

After a couple movies and a tower of pizza boxes, my friends finally called it a day. They were living together in a studio complex just a block away from mine; there had been no problem in getting home late for them. We bid some quick good nights, and they were off.

I locked the door after they left. I was more than prepared to plop down my couch and enjoy my moment of peace and solitude, when I suddenly heard my cat purr.

Doongie doesn’t purr unless I’m petting him.

When I turned to my couch, someone was sitting there – and he was rubbing Doongie’s belly while sitting comfortably as if he was lounging at his own home. I almost threw the phone I was holding.

“Wha- WHO ARE YOU?!?!?”

The young man winced in protest as if it was I who disturbed his peaceful night. “Good evening to you, too. As much as I would want to have an, uhh, enthusiastic conversation, I would rather not wake up your whole neighborhood.”

“Excuse m-”

“And to answer your question,” he continued, “my name is Lee Minho. I’m an intern from the ninth division of Hades Eastern Labor Line. Next time, please make sure you’d call our line during business hours. While I love receiving overtime pay, my boss clearly hates giving them, and I’m done with tolerating his hot-headed ass.”

The man – Minho – gave me a soulless, obviously forced smile. He looked pale, I noticed. His long black hair was falling over his forehead, almost covering his eyes. He was wearing a baggy black shirt and a pair of skinny jeans, matched with white rubber shoes and black socks. He looked young – I think he’s just around my age. His eyes looked perennially bored, as if being in my apartment was the last thing he wanted to do in his life.

Which bring us to the most pressing question of all time: WHAT IS HE DOING IN MY HOUSE?!

“Excuse me, but who are you again?”

He rolled his eyes, not even hiding the annoyance on his face. “The moment you rang that line, I immediately knew I didn’t like you. I’m Lee Minho, stupid-face. From the–”

“Ninth division of whatever-bbibbidiboo,” I said, cutting him off. “But who are you to barge into my house unannounced?! Who are you to stain my carpet with your filthy unwashed shoes?! How did you get in in the first place?! Who are you and why does my pet rub against you like you’re his owner?!?!?!?”

He was staring me down, and I swear I saw a flicker of fire on his eyes. Like, literal fire. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust.

“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you everyday, so that’s totally out of the question,” Minho said flatly. “You called our hotline a few hours ago. That’s why I’m here. Believe me, I’d love to be anywhere else but your filthy apartment.”

I shook my head. I’m not drunk, am I? Last time I checked, soda doesn’t contain alcohol or any similar substance that could make me hallucinate stuff. “I’m sure as hell I didn’t call you.”

He rolled his eyes once more. “Well, hell is saying otherwise. Even Doongie here knows that you called me earlier.”

“… Are you crazy?”

Minho closed his eyes in an attempt to control his anger. “Please, human. I am tired. Just say your wish so I could leave, then we can live our separate lives in peace.”

It took me a whole minute before I finally realized what Minho was actually on about.

“Wait. You mean… the summoning worked? It actually worked?”

“Actually, it didn’t.” Minho continued petting Doongie, who purred contentedly in return. “My boss sent me instead, because who can summon a real demon with that half-assed incantation? I can point out about a hundred flaws in your ‘summoning circle,’ if you can even call it that, and another hundred flaws on the pronunciation of the chant. Plus, who draws the circle on a cheap bond paper? Don’t you have class?”

I tried to ignore the fact that he was outright dissing me. Well, he was dissing Changbin, actually. “If the summoning failed… then why are you here?”

Minho rolled his eyes for the nth time. “Like I’ve said, I’m just an intern.”

“So… you’re not a demon?”

“I’m half-demon.” Minho stifled a yawn. “But I’ll soon be a full-fledged one, once I’ve been summoned a thousand times and fulfilled a thousand wishes from mortals like you. Hence, like I have said a hundred times now, just get on with your bloody evil wish already.”

I took a seat on the couch opposite Minho, trying to compose myself. A demon intern was sent into my house because a real demon can’t be bothered by our half-assed summoning? A demon? In my house? At the dead of night? Tell me about it. “If you’re really what you’re claiming to be, you’re almost five hours late,” I noted.

“Well thank you for pointing that out, Dr. Punctual. You could just thank me – at least I decided to come despite your trashy chant,” he answered. “It was hard for me to cross the border to your world because of the trashy portal you made. Plus, there’s no enough moon energy at this trashy time of the month. You mortals could really use some research.”

I tried to ignore the fact that he used the word “trashy” thrice in less than a minute. “About that, I’m not the one who summoned you. It was my friend. You should go and grant his wish, not mine.”

Minho sniffed the air like a cat. (He actually looked like Doongie.) He crinkled his nose and sat back. “Your blood. There’s no mistake – it was your blood that was used to summon me.”

“My blood? What are you–”

The papercut. Crap.

Just then, Soonie sauntered from my room towards the living room. You should know that Soonie is one helluva irritable, choosy and aloof cat especially when it comes to strangers. I was expecting him to hiss and jump away from the demon-in-training on my couch, maybe even hide back into the safety of my bedroom.

“Another cat!” Minho exclaimed. I whipped my head towards him, and I saw him smiling a fatherly smile down at Soonie. It was weird, but I felt warmth from the stranger who barged into my house. There was a sincere look of adoration in his eyes, and if an outsider would look at him with my cats, they would probably think that Minho is their real owner and not me.

“How are you able to pet Soonie? He doesn’t usually warm up to strangers,” I asked.

Minho smiled – and it was unlike the previous mischievous grins he flashed. It was soft and pure, I had to doubt if he was really an entity training to be a full-time demon.

“I guess I should change my profession and be a cat whisperer instead,” he answered. “I rarely see cats Underground; they can’t endure the intense heat.”

What he did next surprised me – it was even more surprising than the moment he made himself appear in my house out of nowhere:

He lied down on my couch, nuzzling Soonie and Doongie into his arms.

“Since you don’t have a wish for me to do anyway,” Minho said, “let me stay in your house for a bit. If you have two adorable cats roaming around your household, then I guess you’re not as intolerable as I initially thought you would be.”

I stared at him for a good minute. Then: “What?”

“Do you have leftover pizza? I’m starving.” He grinned at me, his eyes glinting with mischief. “I’m looking forward to living with you… roommate.”

He’s inviting himself as my roommate just because I have two cats?!?!?!?

°°°°°°°°°

A/N: Should I make a part two? What do you guys think?PART TWO IS NOW UP 💙

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dailyaudiobible · 3 years

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05/10/2021 DAB Transcript

1 Samuel 8:1-9:27, John 6:22-42, Psalm 106:32-48, Proverbs 14:34-35

Today is May 10th, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it’s great to be here with you today as is every single day, every single day. It is an honor to come around the Global Campfire. And take the next step forward as we move our way through the entire bible in a year. And we are well under way as we’ve mentioned a number of times this is the 5th month of the year. And I guess we are 1/5 of the way through that month already. So, it just keeps going, step by step. Right now, the territory that we are in the Old Testament, is the book of 1 Samuel and we are learning about Samuel’s life. We have learned about his origin, his childhood and now he is the judge, a prophet, and the priest of God before the people. And today we will meet a person that is going to become pivotal. His name is Saul. 1 Samuel 8 and 9.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we’re at the beginning of a week, so we’re gonna be spending our week here in 1 Samuel working through the territory that we’re entering into. So, it’s kind of important probably that we just re-orient ourselves to the context that we’re in. And we don’t have to go all the way back to Genesis, we’ve kind of done this review but we know who the children of Israel are by now. And we know that they’re in the promised land, we went there with Joshua. We watched all this happen. And then we saw the rise of the Judges after Joshua’s leadership and after everybody who was under his leadership had died. So, in other words the generations changed completely. Then we have the rise of the Judges, there was no king. This is something that Judges told us over and over, there was no king in Israel and everybody did what was right in their own eyes. And so, as we went through those centuries of the judges, we saw that. We saw this kind of downward slide. Even though they would return and a judge would come along and give them victory and redeem them and they would continue to slide further and further away. Then Samuel comes along, right? And Samuel is the last judge of Israel. And it’s a beautiful story with Elkenah and Hannah and going to Shiloh and her praying and her bringing her little guy after the Lord gives her a son. She brings him back and dedicates him to the Lord and this is who Samuel is. So, Samuel grows up and becomes the judge of Israel and he has some sons of his own. And this is actually what sets up the big ask, “give us a king. Like let’s have a monarchy instead of this thing that we have now.” And this happened because Samuel was getting old was appointing his sons to become the judges of Israel. And some of the elders came to Samuel and they came humbly but they were like that’s not what we…we don’t see that working out, that’s not what we want. Your sons are not like you Samuel. They don’t judge like you. We’re not being put into good hands, in other words. So, they ask for a king. And it’s interesting because before Samuel right, Eli was the high priest. And he had two sons, Phinehas and Hophni, remember? And they were kind of scoundrels. And they were pretty explicit about that. And they died in battle. And Eli died that same day. So, Samuel grows up and he’s got two sons and it looks like it’s gonna be a repeat. And so, this is that context then that causes the people to ask for a king to be appointed over them. Samuel’s old, he’s not gonna live forever and they don’t want his two sons to judge over them in any way. So, they want Samuel to appoint a king over them. And that’s when we’re introduced to that man, this tall, imposing, handsome man named Saul who is of the tribe of Benjamin. And we remember just a few days ago we saw the tribe of Benjamin just about annihilated. And so, it’s from this tribe of Benjamin that this man Saul emerges. And Samuel is about to tell him that his whole life is gonna change. And that is where we’re headed. That’s where we’ll be heading into. Saul will teach us much about our own character and motivations. And so, let’s buckle up and stay tuned in these coming days.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for Your word. We thank You for all of the different people that we have been able to meet from times gone by. And we’ve been able to kind of meet them and watch them and observe them and see how their lives go and what motivates them. And we get to see a larger story of people, how they ebb and flow in their national existence. And so, we are grateful. We are grateful for Your Holy Spirit to lead and guide us into all truths. And we are thankful for the examples in the scriptures to illuminate so many of life’s paths. In fact, all of the pathways that we are motivated to take, we have illustrations and so we are so grateful. And so, Holy Spirit come, plant these seeds deep in our hearts as we move forward into these emerging stories. Come, challenge us forward. we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it is the website it’s where you find out what’s going on around here. Always something or another.

Still a little bit glowing from celebrating Mother’s Day yesterday with China having her first Mother’s Day and just being there with Jill. So, hopefully all of you mother’s all over the world felt loved, respected, and cherished yesterday.

And now we move into this week. And by the time we finish this week we will be at the dead center of another one of our months together. Day-by-day, step-by-step, it just keeps going. And so, I’m so, so honored that we’re still sailing. Day-by-day, step-by-step, we’re moving through the scriptures and they are speaking loud and clear affecting so many of the different aspects of our lives if we’re paying attention. And so, let’s stay connected to that journey.

And you can stay connected using the Community section of the website or the Daily Audio Bible app. That will get us to the Community section, that’s we’re the Prayer Wall is.

That will let us get into the Daily Audio Bible Shop. There are resources for deepening this journey or just personalizing this journey. So, check out those resources in the Shop.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if what’s happening is life giving to you, then thank you for being life giving to it. It’s a community experience day-by-day, step-by-step and we wouldn’t be here if we weren’t here together. And so, thank you for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if that is your preference, is P.O. Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee, 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that’s it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi DAB family, this is Rob Still Worship Dude in Nashville. And just responding to some prayer requests I heard today May 6th. I want to lift up Lisa the Encourager and the loss of your dad. Yeah, the same thing…I lost my father back in March and my testimony is really similar to yours. And I just wanted to pray for...first, we mourn with those who mourn, all who have lost loved ones recently, we mourn with you. And Lisa, we pray especially for you and…and your brothers and they would…everyone would walk in the fullness of God’s purpose and destiny and salvation for them. Secondly, I want to lift up Walta the Burning Bush who would not be Devoured and your family members that are caught up in that crisis in Chad. We pray for their safety and protection, God that You would send mighty angels to surround them and protect them. And Lord we pray for all believers in that part of Africa Lord who are at great risk. We lift up the persecuted church to You. God and we’re crying out to the Lord most High. Lord, send Your angel armies God to protect and deliver them. And finally, I do want to pray for David, the Young man who’s in college, he’s a pastor’s son. And brother, I just want to pray God’s anointing to be upon you, that you would walk in the ways of the Lord, and that you would continue to listen to the voice of conviction just to help you. It’s…it’s hard as a young man these days to…to walk with purity. And so, I’m praying that for you and for all young people. Just let the…I just pray the Spirit of the Lord would just come upon you and bless you richly. Alright guys, the Lord be with you.

Hi DAB community this is Ming from London, UK. Just calling in to pray for some of you guys that I’ve heard at the end of the DAB podcast. I pray for __ from Lincoln, Kansas. Lord I pray, I lift up her to You, whatever she is going through, I pray that You be with her. I pray for MJ from central Illinois I pray that You be with her brother-in-law after he was admitted to the hospital. Also, I pray Lord, for Lucas from Albuquerque. I pray for his girlfriend’s mother. I pray that she’s able to find a good, loving and supportive church community. And I pray that Lord You send Your angels to protect her from the forces of evil, from her ex-husband who used to deal in witchcraft. I just pray this all in Your name. And yeah…yeah, I’m just praying for that for each and every one of you that was…

Hey Daily Audio Bible family, To Be a Blessing in California. I want to thank you all for praying for me in advance cause I know that you will. I have had a challenging year along with everyone else. I’m not alone but at this moment I’m experiencing just the enormity of the loneliness and the isolation, still wanting to connect with people and be in community and not being able to do that in person has been really hard. I recognize that my love language is to give gifts. And so, that has not happened, and I’ve been depleted from that. So, what do I want? Please pray for me in my relationship with Jesus. I have been…not going to Him with everything. Instead, I’ve been going to other things to try and get some enthusiasm and energy and interest during the times that I’ve just felt sorry for myself, actually. But I want to have a fresh relationship with Jesus. And I just ask that you would pray for me to that end. Thank you so much for doing that. Again, as I said earlier, I know you will and I’m grateful for each one of you. God bless. To Be a Blessing in California.

Hey this is Daniel Johnson Junior from beautiful Cincinnati, Ohio and I just heard the message from Alexander Shultz Annette Alison’s son. First of all, what a praise report it is to be able to hear your voice young man because your mom has prayed for you so many times even through this forum. And we have prayed for you. And I just appreciated hearing your laugh, the joy in your voice and I’m so glad that God’s been working in your life. And praise be to Him. So, that’s all I got to say. It’s…again, from beautiful Cincinnati, Ohio, it’s Daniel Johnson Junior. God Bless you and make it great day.

Hey fam it’s Pepper in Iowa. I wanted to share a small praise. My oldest son is agnostic and with this move to Missouri he’s going with us at 26. I told him we were doing this because this is what God wanted us to do and He’s like, “ok. Seems right. So we’ll go.” The other day he was out in the garage with my husband, and he told my husband “I think my mom’s right” and has been asking about…said, when you obey God and listen to God the devil throws wrenches in it to try to push you back.” My husband was taken back and all I could think was praise Jesus because that means his heart is getting soft. So, I’d appreciate prayers for my sons. Mick is the oldest and the one that’s softening the most. AJ and Conner are still probably truly agnostics. But if He’s working on the hardest son first, I know He’s gonna gettim all. So, I just wanted to share that praise with y’all. It’s amazing, I can’t even express the…I don’t have the words, I just don’t. It is God and God alone doing it. Because all I’ve ever done is…I did take them to church as children. And even now all…I listen to this app. He listens, you know, he hears it, he asks questions, I do my best. And I don’t push it because I know him. But if his hearts softening, Oh Glory to the God of our Father because He’s the one doing it. I love you all, bye.

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dcnativegal · 4 years

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Day 9 of a National Emergency

Day 11 of a Pandemic

It’s Day 9 of a National Emergency, as declared by President #45. (On March 21, 2020)

There are many creative memes floating around the interwebs: this might be my favorite:

“Kinda feeling like the earth just sent us all to our rooms to think about what we’ve done.”

Valerie and I are in the house in Paisley, with Griffey the poodle and Moe the cat. We have fabric and yarn for making masks to protect people, including us, from the novel coronavirus known as Covid19, which popped out of the animal kingdom to the bipedal mammalian one known as humanity, in Wuhan China, in December of 2019. The deaths from covid19 in Italy have surpassed the ones in China where many more people were infected.

“A staggering 793 people died TODAY alone in Italy from the Coronavirus. That makes it the single deadliest day for any nation in the entire pandemic.” (Shaun King, Instagram.)

Although the medical system in Italy is sophisticated, the people and public health system were too slow. And the average age is higher than average? Iran is also devastated, while the USA screws down tighter with sanctions. The countries that have dealt with the virus while ‘flattening the curve’? South Korea, Singapore, and finally, China.

There are no positive tests in Lake County because there are no tests. There are a few people reporting the symptoms of sore throat, fever, shortness of breath, and fatigue. Valerie’s friend, who is also Valerie’s second husband’s eighth wife, but who’s counting, had a sore throat and just didn’t feel well, and went walking with Valerie and Griffey on the desert road by the Paisley airport, to my consternation. Valerie is 72, and is hale and hearty most of the time, but has this little flaw: an autoimmune disorder that kicks her butt, or rather the myelin sheath of her nerves, following any immune battle. I wasn’t around to forbid it, so all I can do is point out that Valerie is at higher risk than the average 60+ year old.

I might be, too, given my general lack of aerobic fitness and, um, insulin dependent diabetes. Also, sleep apnea and hypertension.

The person I worry most about is Toni’s husband, Al, who has been smoking cigarettes for 50+ years and uses oxygen now. He had just resurrected community theater in Paisley and we were rehearsing when the ‘social distancing’ directive from Governor Brown came down. I am to play Cora, a busy body and gossip in a small New England town, foil to the proper but also gossiping member of the welcome committee, Reba. And we both apparently dislike Willa Mae, played by Valerie.

The play will happen at some point. But I refuse to memorize my lines until I know when we start up rehearsals again.

Covid 19 would take out Al in a New York minute.

Schools are closed, restaurants are ‘take out only’. No one is traveling, with the exception of my sister’s youngest child, 19 year old Makoto, who flew east from Japan, to Los Angeles, to Philadelphia, cutting short his adventure as a student abroad. He became fluent in Japanese, and posted daily on Instagram. Now he’s in quarantine at his father’s home, just to be safe.

I have had moments in the past two weeks where I had trouble feeling at all safe or grounded. Join the club, Miss Lincoln. I sat in a meeting in a large circle of mostly women who all have an interest in helping ‘senior citizens’: the Aging Services Collaborative. And for me, there was a large elephant in the room that had my attention the entire time called ‘Coronavirus.’ It was Thursday, March 12. We were meeting in the Lakeview Senior Center, and the director got rather defensive when someone asked if she had shut down the lunch program. She said there’s be a serious backlash if she shut it ‘too soon.’ No such thing as too soon in the pandemic: by the next day, the senior lunch program was shuttered.

I was cranky and agitated in that meeting, and the younger women, new to the Collaborative, probably though I was a menopausal bitch. I wonder if they look back now, a week later, and think me prescient. Maybe a prescient menopausal bitch. At one point I said something to the effect of, we can choose to be South Korea or Italy. Let’s be like South Korea.

I also still get really wound up when the conservative Trumpian assholes in this county pipe up on Facebook about how the whole thing is a fraud, a hoax, a tactic to get to “Marshall Law.” Omigod. Like this guy:

Snowflake waving wildly here. If I could address this man directly, I would say the following:

Except we are not paying for it equally. Poor people always have a harder time.

Someone pointed out that, when this is all over, it will not be the CEOs and billionaires who saved us, but the nurses and janitors and grocery store clerks. Also, the truckers, the doctors and family nurse practitioners and physicians’ assistants.

I can’t retort to the delusion MAGA Lake county resident because we who work for Lake Health District are frequently scolded about posting anything in social media about Covid 19 because we ‘represent the hospital.’ Hmf, I’ve been muzzled. I try to read less of ‘Lakeview Announcements’ and more NYTimes. Still, I overhear bullshit at work. It’s not good for my blood pressure.

I am trying to figure out how to be useful at work, and I’m signed up to be a ‘greeter’ at the front entrance, and staff the ‘hotline’ which means I call folks who have symptoms to see how they’re doing, and wait for calls. The clinics are closed, the acute care is cleared out for the most part, the Operating Room where Hope works is ‘emergencies only.’ People drive up to a tent in front of the hospital and get their temperature taken. They’re asked, by a medical assistant who has a high school education and some extra training, whether they’ve been traveling, have a sore throat or any other symptoms. If they answer no to all and have no fever, they may be allowed to proceed to the emergency room, clinic, or to an appointment with the staff, like the head of corrections who came by on my greeter shift. He’s an enormous man, married to a pretty woman who holds at least 3 jobs in Lakeview including a part time Area Agency on Aging gig that’s directed by the Klamath group. Many non profit or governmental entities are based in Klamath and have a partial oversight in Lake County, the red-headed step child of Klamath County. This woman, and a south Asian man nicknamed “avatar’ by the BLM staff because they couldn’t remember “Arvinder”, and I were to start working on developing a “Village” volunteer effort in Lakeview. Then, the virus.

There are some volunteer activities spontaneously springing up in Lakeview; one facebook group is called Helping Hands of Lakeview. There are helpful things going on in Paisley through informal networks. I have one primary volunteer job: to pick up books at the Lakeview Library that sit in canvas bags labeled Paisley. And drop them off to Jan, who I think is the informal town mayor. She knows everyone, and everything, and reared her kids here.

I saw this on twitter:

Most of the volunteer stuff seems to happen via Facebook, a group called Lakeview Announcements. That’s where a lot of political bickering also happens. Missing dogs. Reports of ‘tweakers’ thieving around. Well of course they’re stealing, when no one will hire them, when the US of A punishes what is actually an illness, not a crime. An illness born of childhood trauma. But I digress.

No more crochet/ knitting/ rug hooking at the cavernous Bowling Alley’s party room. No more church, either.

We watched the marvelous Presiding Bishop Curry preach on our computers last Sunday, and listened to gorgeous church music and sonorous prayers, online from the Washington National Cathedral, one of my favorite Episcopal places. We’ll see what’s streaming again tomorrow, Sunday morning.

The knitting group is contemplating making face masks. So is Valerie. I’ve been looking at ‘the literature’ and there is one and only one study, in 2013, looking at the efficacy of homemade masks versus ‘respirators’ or ‘surgical masks.’ Of course, they are not as good but they are better than nothing. And corvid 19 seems to go straight for the throat. I’m thinking, those Safeway employees have been working really hard, and they are more at risk at the moment than health care workers at Lake Health District.

It’s a very strange time, full of opportunity for goodness and for greed. I’m glad my kids are safe, we are healthy so far, and I still receive a paycheck. We’ll see how this evolves.

"Nothing has prepared us for this moment. All we have is each other. Your safety is my safety. Protecting myself means protecting you, too. We are one race. Human race." - Jose Antonio Vargas

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wordsandshawn · 6 years

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Before Now - chapter 6

All Previous Chapters

March 2018

“Skylar. Skylar. SKYLAR.”

“What?” I finally snap out of it enough to realize my roommate Kristen is trying to get my attention.

“How did you do on the Bio exam?”

“Huh?”

“The Bio exam. We got our grades back today.” She gives me a skeptical look, “You did go to class, right?”

We have the same professor and we’re taking the same bio class, but we’re in different sections. We weren’t able to fit the same class time into both of our schedules, so the second-best thing is having the same prof because then at least we’re learning the same things and we can study together, we just go to different lectures.

I fight back a yawn. “I skipped today.”

“Why?”

“Didn’t feel like going.” I respond, and she raises her eyebrows at me. She’s known me for almost two years now, and she’s lived with me that same amount of time. I’ve never been a bad student. I’m too much of an overachiever and honestly just a nerd who likes learning too much. “Have you gone to any of your classes this week?” She questions now, and I feel like she’s judging me.

“It’s only Tuesday.” I retort feeling defensive, and already wanting to back out of this conversation.

She seems to notice, and the judgement falls from her face. “I’m worried about you.” She says quietly.

“It’s not a big deal.” I brush her off, “I’m an art major.”

“That’s what you said two weeks ago when you skipped like three days of classes.”

“They were mostly GE. Just like Bio today. I want to be a photographer. I don’t need biology.”

“You do if you want to graduate.” She retorts.

I just shrug because she’s right, but I don’t want to admit it. I don’t understand why I’m being forced to take classes that I’m never going to need in my actual career. I thought the whole point of university is to help me in my future career. Biology and history aren’t going to help me become a better photographer.

I roll my eyes. Because I don’t have a better response, I simply say, “Kris, you’re not my mom.”

“You won’t even talk to your mom.” She fires back.

“Seriously, this is why I’m never here anymore. I don’t need to be interrogated.”

That seems to get her to realize what she’s doing, and she falls silent for a second before saying, “Okay, I’ll stop.” She pauses, then her voice drops to barely above a whisper, “Just stay here tonight, okay?”

“Why?” I’ve been spending most of my nights with Greg lately.

“I just miss having you around.” She responds, and I give her a funny look, but let it go.

I stay the night at the apartment.

As much as I don’t want to say it, it is nice being away from Greg for a little bit. Lately, I’ve been spending all of my free time with him, and I hate to say it, but sometimes being with him leaves me feeling worse instead of better.

I forgot how nice it was to just be with my roommates, to just be a University student for a little while.

The next morning, I walk out to the living room to see all three of my roommates there. They’re all staring at each other, but no one is talking. I notice some music coming from someone’s phone on the floor and realize that is what they’re all focused on. It only takes a few seconds for me to recognize that voice although I don’t think I’ve heard the song before.

“What’s going on?” I question cautiously emerging from the doorway.

“Shawn freakin’ Mendes dropped a song out of nowhere.” My roommate Becca says. “No warning, nothing!” She’s motioning with her hands in some sort of frantic way that lets me know this morning has been very emotional for all of them, and I should proceed with caution.

I must look confused because Kristen cuts in, obviously feeling the need to educate me on Shawn. “He’s working on his new album, and he hasn’t even given a release date for it. But this morning, he just released this out of the blue and everyone is freaking out.”

“Why is everyone freaking out?” I ask, still thoroughly confused as to how Shawn can have such an influence. For a second, I wonder if he knows what he does to these girls.

“Because of the tweet he tweeted when he released it. Everyone thinks that there’s a real story behind it and they want to know who the girl he wrote this about is.”

I know I told Shawn to leave me alone and stay out of my life and this is probably just him moving on, but my interest is still peaked. I open up my phone to go on twitter, quickly searching Shawn’s name. When his twitter comes up, his pinned tweet says:

Just had to release this song because I couldn’t wait any longer. You deserve the very best, and I hope you realize it soon. This one’s for you. shawnmendes.lnk.to/TreatYouBetter.

“What’s the song about?” I ask, glancing at my roommates before typing in the title to find out for myself.

“Everyone’s saying it’s a fuckboy song, but I think it’s kinda sweet.” Becca says, although that doesn’t really answer my question at all.

“It’s a fuckboy song,” Alex responds confidently.

“He tweeted a domestic abuse hotline literally right after the tweet about the song. I think that makes it not a fuckboy song.” Kristen, always the logical one, replies.

I’m only half listening to their conversation because now I’m reading the lyrics for myself, deciding for myself whether or not this is a fuckboy song.

“It’s sweet, he’s basically saying she deserves the best and her boyfriend isn’t treating her right.” Becca defends her point.

I stare at the lyrics and listen to Shawn’s voice since the song is still playing on repeat. I don’t mean to be self-centered, but I can’t help but feel like the songs for me.

My mind immediately flashes back to the last time I saw Shawn, in the bar. I can’t forget the look on his face, and now with this song, the way that he told me I didn’t have to leave with Greg. Almost like he was begging me not to leave. Maybe this song is for someone else. Maybe Shawn makes it a habit to find girls in bars with drunk boyfriends. I don’t know. He stepped in for me when he didn’t know it was me. He’d do that for anyone is guess. His mom raised him right, I always knew I loved Karen.

“Earth to Skylar!” I’m immediately brought back to real life because Becca is practically shaking me, a hand on each of my shoulders. “Are you okay?” She questions when I make eye contact with her.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I respond, shaking my head a little trying to refocus on real life.

“The song is just that good.” Alex jokingly says. “Are you finally going to admit that you love him too?” She questions, and I only wonder how I ended up living with three girls who love Shawn so much. It’s honestly some cruel twist of fate after everything that’s happened.

“I’m going back to bed,” I say, regretting ever getting out of bed in the first place.

When I’m alone in the room, I can’t resist pulling out my headphones and plugging them in before opening up my Spotify app and searching Shawn’s new song. I listen to it through three times before I find myself scrolling through my contacts and hovering my finger over the contact, Peter (Bio151).

I remember when we were little kids Karen would always call him Shawn Peter! whenever Shawn would get into trouble, never Shawn Mendes or both his middle names. And I always would make fun of him for it, sometimes I’d call him the same thing when he teased me too much or made me angry. I added the Bio151 just in case Greg asked any questions, just to be safe.

I want to call him, but I don’t let myself. I don’t know what I’d tell him if I did. Whatever we were, whatever we had, it’s over. This last year has changed me. I’m not the same kid I was growing up, and I’m not even the same girl I was when Shawn and I dated. Judging from his success even just over this past year, there’s no way he’s the same person either. I literally think myself to sleep again.

It’s been a month now since Shawn released Treat You Better and I keep hearing it on the radio. I can’t help but wonder what he thinks of me. I wonder if he thinks I’m weak, or dumb for staying with Greg, but Shawn hasn’t been here over the last year and some months. He didn’t see how Greg was there for me when I needed him most. He doesn’t know how sweet he can be, how much he loves me. Shawn only saw a tiny snippet of our relationship, a moment where Greg was drunk, and I was already irritated.

My relationship with Greg is complicated and hard to understand. I know that Greg is not making the best choices right now, and sometimes he doesn’t treat me right. I know that, and I see that. But I still cling to the ideas of the love he used to give me. The love he still gives me, even though it’s becoming less frequent. Other people just don’t know him like I do, but he also has an effect on me that I can’t quite describe.

Sleep comes so much easier than being awake lately. I want to cry all the time. I can only take so much of listening to him tell me horrible things in the name of love. I want to leave, but I’m scared. I want to tell someone, but I’m scared. I never used to be this way, this weak. I feel trapped.

Greg used to be my safety. He loved me when I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. He showed me love when I missed home and missed my family and felt like my heart had been broken by the one person I finally let my guard down enough to care about. He loved me when Shawn couldn’t and I needed someone to.

But he’s not safe anymore, and I’m not sure what safety feels like. Is safety Greg looking through my messages? Is safety biting my lip to not say something that will make him angry? Is safety doing what he wants even when it’s not what I want because it’s easier for me to be unhappy than it is to deal with him not getting his way?

I want to talk to someone. I need to talk to someone, but I don’t think anyone will understand. Kristen never liked Greg, and I haven’t talked to my family in over a month. I remember Shawn’s song, and I remember the last text he sent me. I don’t let myself think enough to convince myself out of calling.

“Hello?” He answers. There’s a steady chatter of background noise, and I almost hang up the phone because he sounds busy, but he says, “Skylar? Are you there?”

“Yeah,” I respond in a small voice.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” It’s almost strange to me that that’s his first response, but in a way, it is also comforting. He cares. And maybe he knows more than I gave him credit for, maybe he understands more than I predicted.

“No,” I respond, “Well not really. I’m fine. I don’t know why I called actually it's stupid. I’m sorry.”

“Woah wait, hold on.” He says in a rush, sounding like he’s afraid I’ll hang up and disappear again. “I’m glad you called. You don’t have to apologize.” The background noise immediately disappears, and all I hear is his voice on the other end of the phone. “I told you that you could call me anytime, and I meant it. I still mean it.” He says, and somehow his voice soothes me. I don’t know how to feel about it. It’s been so long since anyone had a calming effect like this on me.

“I don’t know what to do.” It comes out as more of a whisper than I anticipated, and I’m surprised he heard it.

“Talk to me.” He says in that smooth confident voice of his.

“I can’t, you won’t understand,” I say, remembering the way that his life and mine turned out so differently. It doesn’t matter that we came from the same place. It wasn’t enough last time, it won’t be enough this time.

A beat of silence passes. “Have you heard my new song?” He questions, and it would have sounded cocky if I didn’t know the message behind it. Did you get the message I sent? is what he really meant.

“I’ve heard it.”

“I wrote it for you, Ky.” He says, using that old nickname and making me wonder what he thinks. Somewhere in my heart, I know that he’s probably right, but I can’t help but defend Greg.

“I love him, Shawn.” I practically whisper.

There’s a silence on the other end, and finally, he says, “I know you do.” Almost with a sigh. And I don’t know what to say next or what to do. I had always wondered if the song was for me, or if it was for an imaginary girl or someone else he’d met. But he clarified that for me just now. He doesn’t tell me what he thinks, and I don’t ask.

The conversation is over and we both know it. I don’t know what I wanted from him, and he doesn’t know where to go next. “Maybe in another world, we could have been together.” I remark, more to myself than to him. “I’m sorry I called.”

He starts to say something, but I’m only half listening. We talk for a bit, but only long enough for me to end the conversation properly.

I carry the comfort of Shawn’s concern with me. It helps me through the next week, but then Greg’s mad again, and I want to feel safe. This starts a series of phone calls to Shawn, all of which follow somewhat the same pattern, neither of us knowing the point of them, really. Shawn tries to convince me to leave. He wants to know if Greg hurts me. He wants to save me, but I don’t need saving. I just need someone on the other end of the phone to tell me my world is not ending on the nights where it feels like it is.

I call him when I need to hear his voice to remind me I’m okay, even when I’m not. I’m not cheating on Greg even though I’m almost certain he’s cheating on me. I’m still here for the scraps of love he’s willing to throw my way because I’m not ready to walk away.

I love him. I can’t control who I love. Greg has his bad moments, but he can also be really sweet. He cares about me. I know he does. Sometimes he just doesn’t show it the way others do, but I understand. I’m the only one who understands him, and no one else understands me like he does.

chapter 7

#Shawn Mendes #Shawn Mendes fanfic #Shawn Peter Raul Mendes #Shawn Mendes imagine #Shawn Mendes series #Before Now

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stiles-wtf · 5 years

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How to Make a Dog Vomit

The post How to Make a Dog Vomit by Stephanie Osmanski appeared first on Dogster. Copying over entire articles infringes on copyright laws. You may not be aware of it, but all of these articles were assigned, contracted and paid for, so they aren’t considered public domain. However, we appreciate that you like the article and would love it if you continued sharing just the first paragraph of an article, then linking out to the rest of the piece on Dogster.com.

It should go without saying but sometimes, curious doggos get their little nosies into things they’re not supposed to. And sometimes, those curious canines swallow things they’re not supposed to. Which brings us to a common question that many pet owners have: Is it ever okay to make your dog intentionally vomit in an emergency situation? If there are situations where you should make your dog vomit, you may be wondering how to make a dog vomit. Let’s look at some specifics and some options for how to make a dog vomit below.

In certain emergencies, it may be in your dog’s best interest to induce vomiting. Such emergency situations include if your dog swallows anything that can cause blockage in the intestines or substances that are toxic to dogs. Before we get into the steps involved with how to make a dog vomit, remember it’s important to always call your veterinarian or pet poison control before inducing vomiting at home. Keep reading to find out how to make a dog vomit — and when it’s appropriate to make a dog throw up.

First, should you make your dog vomit?

Should you make a dog vomit? It depends on a few factors. Photography by Kickers / iStock.

As a dog parent, emergency situations may arise in which you may need to know how to make a dog vomit — in a way that’s safe for both you and your pet. According to Dr. Katja Lang, a veterinarian at NYC’s Heart of Chelsea Animal Hospital, dog parents should only consider making their dogs vomit in emergency situations where poison or blockage is a concern.

“Indications for emesis are if your pet ate something that could potentially cause an intestinal blockage or something toxic [like] grapes, rat poison, chocolate or xylitol-containing gum,” Dr. Lang adds.

So, your dog swallowed something — now what?

If it is a time-sensitive poison, you should make your dog throw up at home. Antifreeze is such an emergency. Antifreeze can be fatal and damage can occur within 30 minutes. And you’ll still need to rush your dog to the emergency vet clinic after inducing vomiting. The Pet Poison Helpline says that “Aggressive therapy is necessary to survive.”

For everything else, your first step should be to call your vet and ask if you should induce vomiting at home or rush him to the emergency vet because dog vomit must be examined on a case-by-case basis. It is always better to induce vomiting at the clinic where they can deal with anything that goes wrong and also do the necessary follow-up care.

Determining if you should make your dog throw up

“The safety of induction of vomiting depends on the ingested material — soft things like toys and socks are okay,” Dr. Brooke Champers, a veterinarian at Animal Emergency Services, says.

Dr. Lang concurs. “Small, soft objects (sock, squeaky toy, etc.) and toxins that won’t damage the esophagus are good candidates for induction of emesis,” she explains.

But, as Dr. Lang warns, be wary of sharp objects. Making your dog throw up something with sharp edges may do more harm than good.

“Do not induce vomiting with any sharp or caustic toxins like chicken bones or batteries,” Dr. Lang says.

So, what’s the difference between vomiting up a chicken bone and a sock? According to Dr. Jeff Werber, the swallowed chicken bone should take care of itself internally and poses more of a threat if vomited up.

“In most cases, the bone will be eliminated safely through the intestines. In the rare instance that surgery is required, it is preferable and safer to retrieve bones from within the stomach as opposed to in the esophagus,” Dr. Werber says. “However, these surgeries are not often needed.”

Dr. Champers further explains the dangers of sharp objects. “The size of the bone depends on the size of the dog and if there are sharp edges,” she says. “A radiograph should ideally be taken prior to assess the risk involved.”

As for chemicals, anything potentially toxic could be a strong candidate for the induction of emesis. Call your vet immediately if your dog has swallowed a potentially toxic chemical to see if he wants you to induce vomiting at home or at the clinic. Corrosive, acidic or alkaline materials should be handled at your vet’s office.

How to make a dog vomit — safely

In you have assessed the risks, contacted a veterinarian and, under the guidance of a medical professional, you (and your vet) feel that induction of vomit is your pet’s best option, here’s how to make a dog vomit, as outlined by Dr. Lang.

Call Pet Poison Control or your veterinarian to ensure making your dog vomit is the right course of action. The number for Animal Poison Control is (888) 426-4435.

Think about what time the pet ingested the toxin and when they last ate. It should be within 2-3 hours of toxin ingestion. A small amount of food will make emesis more successful.

Make sure your pet is alert. Do not induce vomiting if your pet seems disoriented or drowsy.

Administer a small volume of hydrogen peroxide based on your veterinarian’s recommendation.

Monitor your pet closely after emesis. There is a small risk of aspiration (stomach contents entering the lungs), especially in brachycephalic dog breeds.

Contact your veterinarian or pet poison hotline to see if you need any follow-up treatment to minimize other effects from the toxin.

How to identify the different types of dog vomit

Now that you know how to make a dog vomit, you might have the lovely task of distinguishing your dog’s vomit. Or maybe your dog has thrown up of her own accord. Either way, it’s important to understand what your dog’s vomit is telling you.

Just like in humans, different types of dog vomit suggest different things. Being able to identify what the different types of dog vomit actually mean is crucial to advocating for your pet’s health.

“The first step is to differentiate true vomiting from regurgitation as these processes can look very similar in dogs,” says Dr. Lauren Adelman, DVM, DACVIM (SAIM). “The main difference is that regurgitation tends to be a passive process while vomiting includes active abdominal contractions.”

“You often hear a dog begin to vomit (dry heaving) or see her become nauseous (salivation) prior to the actual act of vomiting,” Dr. Adelman continues. “Whereas with regurgitation, the dog will just bring up food or water without any warning. Contrary to popular belief, other factors such as timing related to eating and the consistency of the material brought up (digested or undigested) is not useful for differentiation.”

But there’s more to examining a dog’s throw-up. In fact, the color of your dog’s vomit is important information.

Identifying different colors of dog vomit

“If you have confirmed that your dog is vomiting, describing the vomit to your veterinarian may be helpful,” Dr. Adelman says. “For example, blood in the vomit can appear bright red or, if it has had time to be digested, dark brown or black, described as coffee grounds.”

Vomit can often present itself in many ways: white foam (which often indicates ingesting toxins or poisons), yellow (inflammation caused by bile back-up) or red (which indicates blood and usually warrants a trip to the vet’s office).

Please remember throughout this process, that the most important thing you can do in order to help your pet is to consult a veterinarian before taking any other medical action.

Thumbnail: Photography ©yellowsarah | iStock / Getty Images.

This piece was originally published in 2018.

About the author

Stephanie Osmanski is a freelance writer and social media consultant who specializes in health and wellness content. Her words have appeared in Seventeen, Whole Dog Journal, Parents Magazine and more. She is currently pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing at Stony Brook Southampton and writing a memoir. She lives in New York with her Pomsky, Koda, who is an emotional support animal training to be a certified therapy dog.

Read more about dog health and care on Dogster.com:

What Is HGE (Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis) in Dogs?

How to Make Life Happier and Healthier for Your Senior Dog

Can Dogs Eat Ice Cream?

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daddyslittlejuliet · 5 years

Text

How to Make a Dog Vomit

First, should you make your dog vomit?

Should you make a dog vomit? It depends on a few factors. Photography by Kickers / iStock.

So, your dog swallowed something — now what?

Determining if you should make your dog throw up

“The safety of induction of vomiting depends on the ingested material — soft things like toys and socks are okay,” Dr. Brooke Champers, a veterinarian at Animal Emergency Services, says.

Dr. Lang concurs. “Small, soft objects (sock, squeaky toy, etc.) and toxins that won’t damage the esophagus are good candidates for induction of emesis,” she explains.

But, as Dr. Lang warns, be wary of sharp objects. Making your dog throw up something with sharp edges may do more harm than good.

“Do not induce vomiting with any sharp or caustic toxins like chicken bones or batteries,” Dr. Lang says.

How to make a dog vomit — safely

Call Pet Poison Control or your veterinarian to ensure making your dog vomit is the right course of action. The number for Animal Poison Control is (888) 426-4435.

Think about what time the pet ingested the toxin and when they last ate. It should be within 2-3 hours of toxin ingestion. A small amount of food will make emesis more successful.

Make sure your pet is alert. Do not induce vomiting if your pet seems disoriented or drowsy.

Administer a small volume of hydrogen peroxide based on your veterinarian’s recommendation.

Monitor your pet closely after emesis. There is a small risk of aspiration (stomach contents entering the lungs), especially in brachycephalic dog breeds.

Contact your veterinarian or pet poison hotline to see if you need any follow-up treatment to minimize other effects from the toxin.

How to identify the different types of dog vomit

But there’s more to examining a dog’s throw-up. In fact, the color of your dog’s vomit is important information.

Identifying different colors of dog vomit

Please remember throughout this process, that the most important thing you can do in order to help your pet is to consult a veterinarian before taking any other medical action.

Thumbnail: Photography ©yellowsarah | iStock / Getty Images.

This piece was originally published in 2018.

About the author

Read more about dog health and care on Dogster.com:

What Is HGE (Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis) in Dogs?

How to Make Life Happier and Healthier for Your Senior Dog

Can Dogs Eat Ice Cream?

2 notes · View notes

jeffreyrwelch · 5 years

Text

How to Make a Dog Vomit

First, should you make your dog vomit?

Should you make a dog vomit? It depends on a few factors. Photography by Kickers / iStock.

So, your dog swallowed something — now what?

Determining if you should make your dog throw up

“The safety of induction of vomiting depends on the ingested material — soft things like toys and socks are okay,” Dr. Brooke Champers, a veterinarian at Animal Emergency Services, says.

Dr. Lang concurs. “Small, soft objects (sock, squeaky toy, etc.) and toxins that won’t damage the esophagus are good candidates for induction of emesis,” she explains.

But, as Dr. Lang warns, be wary of sharp objects. Making your dog throw up something with sharp edges may do more harm than good.

“Do not induce vomiting with any sharp or caustic toxins like chicken bones or batteries,” Dr. Lang says.

How to make a dog vomit — safely

Call Pet Poison Control or your veterinarian to ensure making your dog vomit is the right course of action. The number for Animal Poison Control is (888) 426-4435.

Think about what time the pet ingested the toxin and when they last ate. It should be within 2-3 hours of toxin ingestion. A small amount of food will make emesis more successful.

Make sure your pet is alert. Do not induce vomiting if your pet seems disoriented or drowsy.

Administer a small volume of hydrogen peroxide based on your veterinarian’s recommendation.

Monitor your pet closely after emesis. There is a small risk of aspiration (stomach contents entering the lungs), especially in brachycephalic dog breeds.

Contact your veterinarian or pet poison hotline to see if you need any follow-up treatment to minimize other effects from the toxin.

How to identify the different types of dog vomit

But there’s more to examining a dog’s throw-up. In fact, the color of your dog’s vomit is important information.

Identifying different colors of dog vomit

Please remember throughout this process, that the most important thing you can do in order to help your pet is to consult a veterinarian before taking any other medical action.

Thumbnail: Photography ©yellowsarah | iStock / Getty Images.

This piece was originally published in 2018.

About the author

Read more about dog health and care on Dogster.com:

What Is HGE (Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis) in Dogs?

How to Make Life Happier and Healthier for Your Senior Dog

Can Dogs Eat Ice Cream?

3 notes · View notes

stopforamoment · 6 years

Text

Before the School Year Starts: Bucket List (4 of 4)

Book: The Royal Romance (After Book Three)

Pairing: Bastien Lykel x OFC Rinda Parks

Word Count: 1,372

Rating: M for Language

Author’s Note: Obligatory disclaimer that Pixelberry Studios owns the TRR characters and my pocketbook with those darn diamond scenes. OFC with all of her quirks is all mine. My apologies if Tumblr or I do something stupid when I try to post this.

This is just a little story arc to tie up some loose ends from the weekend and give some more background info. This takes place Sunday night, after Bastien’s nap. The school year starts on Tuesday, September 11th.

Summary: This is basically a bunch of drabbles that wrap up the final loose ends of that weekend.

Rinda had left a note in the car for Bastien, but he waited until he got back to the palace before reading it.

Bastien,

I know you get embarrassed when I gush about thanking you, but unless you start being an absolute jerk, you have to deal with it. Thank you for the entire weekend. Thank you for giving us the tour of the palace and showing me the library—even though that made your weekend an absolute nightmare. Thank you for introducing us to Drake and for taking the time to play football with Henry and take him for ice cream. Thank you for the spumoni and for taking us downtown and ordering for me when I was overwhelmed with options. Thank you for showing us the secret garden and playing tag in the maze. Thank you for taking care of my foot when I was a klutz and stepped on a rock. Thank you taking us fishing and for checking on me after I got done swimming. Thank you for letting me share food with you when we were eating lunch. Thank you for letting me help you this weekend and thank you for trusting me enough to let me drive so you could get some sleep. Thank you for dealing with my rambles and being there for me with . . . everything.

Rinda

. . . . .

It was late, but Bastien was still going through information with Mara. “Bastien, I reviewed Rinda’s archive searches from this weekend and her previous visits. She’s . . . it’s amazing how thorough she is. And she goes down some rabbit holes with her searches--” Mara had a grin on her face. She knew enough about Rinda to imagine her geeking out and getting sidetracked with a new piece of information to explore. “But she was spot on with what she found. And didn’t find.” Mara was referring to the missing items on the list Rinda gave Bastien. “So, she asked about the Code Locusta? I’m amazed there’s a record of that anywhere.” Bastien nodded. “I didn’t tell her, but she already figured out it’s something with poison. And besides, the official story is that the Queen was poisoned, so it makes sense.” He paused. “Rinda’s going to be busy with teaching and everything with the safety reform. And Henry. But she’s good at this and I know we can trust her. You know she must be used to confidentially being married to Jameson. I mean, a police officer.” Mara raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “I think we consider asking her for help. I know she’s worried about security for the children when the king and queen visit, and she’s the type of person who needs to do something to help.” Mara nodded in agreement.

“Mara, why did you tell Rinda that she should call you if I’m working too much or being a pain in her ass?” Mara looked in shock and then started laughing. “Bastien, I gave her my number in case there was a security emergency and you weren’t available, or to contact me if she found other research. Really? Do you think I would tell her to call me if you were being ‘a pain in the ass’? That’s a 24/7 hotline.”

Bastien blushed. Rinda lied to him so he’d get some sleep, and it didn’t even occur to him to call her bluff. Mara chuckled. “Actually, I think that is a good idea. Dealing with you? That woman is going to need all the help she can get. I’m also working on giving her official clearance to drive the palace vehicles at any time. I can’t believe you were going to drive with only two hours of sleep in 48 hours instead of letting someone else drive her home.” Mara got out her phone and messaged Rinda, much to Bastien’s chagrin.

. . . . .

When Bastien got back to his room he grabbed Rinda’s gift, her copy of Journey to the Center of the Earth, off his dresser. She mentioned that she sometimes left notes in books. Did she do that in this book?

He flipped through the pages and smiled when he saw the piece of paper.

Bastien Lykel’s Bucket List

√ 1. Climb a volcano

He got into bed, thinking about his bucket list. There were things that he wanted to do when he had free time . . . when he retired . . . but not an actual list. Suddenly he got up and grabbed the shirt he wore earlier that day. It still smelled like lavender.

Sleeping naked. It was the stupidest thing, but he always needed to fall asleep partially dressed in case there was an emergency. Even when Rinda screamed this weekend he was barefoot and scrambling to put on a shirt, desperate to reach her and contain the situation in time. Sleeping naked was so liberating, but he hadn’t felt comfortable enough to do that in . . . he didn’t know how long.

What else?

It was 2:00 AM. He had to be up in three hours. Fuck it. He took off his lounge pants and boxers. But just in case, he moved a chair close to his bed and draped them across, easy to grab. He laid on top of his bed, fully stretched out. The air was cool against his skin. God this feels good.

Suddenly he grabbed his phone to message Rinda. Shit, be sure it’s just a message. No accidental dick pics!

What’s on your bucket list?

Bastien was surprised to see the dots moving. She was still up?

Well, being there to see Henry grow up, maybe be a grandma when he’s a lot older. But stuff just for me?

Yes. And how is the sleepover going? Why are you still up?

If you thought I’d be sleeping why did you message me? Oh, and speaking of, I got an interesting message from Mara.

Yeah, I was just tired. Otherwise I would have seen through your deception. So how was the sleepover?

Some of the kids are still up. Henry and Phillip, of course. And some of the older ones. But we’ve threatened them enough that they should at least stay in their tents now.

So . . . bucket list?

Hmm. Dance the tango outside in some awesome city outside of the U.S. Like, how there are street dancers in South America and stuff.

What else? You should have at least five things.

What about you?

Climbing a volcano. Your turn.

You did that already. Doesn’t count. For me, see the Northern Lights in Iceland. Go to Scotland and walk across a moor when the heather is in bloom. Sorry, a part of me is still bummed that didn’t work out. Finish seeing all of the states in the United States. Seven more to go. Haven’t done Hawai’i. Could climb a volcano there LOL.

Go to Japan and have an amazing sushi dinner. I guess it’s mostly traveling and experiencing new things. Otherwise the bigger picture of figuring out what the hell I’m doing with the rest of my life.

Your turn.

Hmm. It’s classified.

Liar. I want that list filled out before Drake replaces you. It’s your homework, okay?

Yes, Mrs. Parks.

. . . . .

The boys finally fell asleep and Rinda was able to crawl into bed and get snuggled in. Mmm. It smelled like Bastien. Rinda remembered when she needed to sleep with Jameson’s shirt. She tried putting his body spray on her pillow to remind her of him. But it was never the same. There was something about a person’s scent. Something that was more than the body spray or cologne, or the laundry detergent or soap they used. It was all of that . . . and more. That was one of the reasons she always made sure her sheets had a fragrance. Lavender. Eucalyptus. Clean Linen-scent laundry detergent. It had to be some kind of substitute, so she could snuggle in and try to forget what she so desperately longed for.

Rinda hugged her pillow and breathed in Bastien’s scent.

God, I miss this.

#bastien lykel #choices trr #ofc rinda parks

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years

Text

01/17/2021 DAb Transcript

Genesis 35:1-36:43, Matthew 12:1-21, Psalms 15:1-5, Proverbs 3:21-26

Today is the 17th day of January welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is wonderful to be here with you today as we…well…we are through the center of the month but we reach out and twist the knob and throw open the door and here's a brand-new week for us waiting for us. And I love that imagery, like I love thinking about this every beginning of a new week because it's like nothing's happened yet. We haven't screwed anything up yet. We haven’t made any wrong decisions yet. Like, everything is out in front of us and we can choose to apply what we've been learning for these last couple weeks, that there is the voice of wisdom and she is calling to us and she is pointing the way if we’ll slow down and pay attention to the fact that every choice that we make leads somewhere and does something. So, when we start to build our lives on wisdom by making small but wise choices systematically over time, we are moving on the path of wisdom toward becoming wise. And, so, let's do that this week, let's live into it. It's not something's that’s happening to us. It's something we are happening to. We don’t have to live reacting to everything that comes our way. We can decide in advance what the posture of our heart is going to be no matter what comes our way. So, welcome to a brand-new week. Of course, we’re just going to pick up where we left off yesterday as we continue our journey. This week we’ll read from the New International Version. And today Genesis chapters 35 and 36.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for what is being spoken over us as we begin this brand-new week from the book of Psalms and from the book of Proverbs, practical straight up clarity. Who gets to be in…who gets to be in Your presence? The one whose walk is blameless who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart, who’s tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor and casts no slur on others, who despises a vile person but honors those who fear the Lord, who keeps an oath even when it hurts and does not change their mind, who lends money to the poor without interest, who does not accept a bribe against the innocent. In other words, who doesn't take advantage of the vulnerable. Thank You for that clarity. Thank You that we can revisit this and overlay our lives and allow Your Holy Spirit to reveal avenues of growth for us. We thank You for what is spoken in the Proverbs today, a plea to not let wisdom and understanding leave our site. Don’t let them out of our…like…like a little child we would not let our little child out of our site. We have to hold onto wisdom and understanding in the same way and preserve sound judgment and be discreet because that will bring life to us. You're giving us clarity. If we will believe this then these are the things to pursue because these are the things that lead to life. According to the Scriptures they are an ornament to grace our neck. We’ll go on our way in safety and our foot won't stumble if we won't let wisdom and understanding out of our site. When we lie down, we won't be afraid. Our sleep will be sweet. We won't fear sudden disaster. We won't fear the ruin that overtakes the wicked because we will know that You are at our side and You will keep our foot from being snared if we won't let wisdom and understanding out of our site. Help us to not let wisdom and understanding out of our site, so that we might be blameless before You. And we realize this is a gift. We realize we can't earn this, but we also realize that we have to participate. We have to participate in being transformed and our participation is to surrender to Your will and Your ways and walk the path. And You’re showing us the path that leads to life. May we walk it. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

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dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, and like I say every day because it is, it where you find out what's going on around here.

It's how you get connected via social media or through the Prayer Wall. It’s where the Daily Audio Bible Shop is. There are a number of valuable resources that really coincide with the journey that we’re on to either take the journey deeper or wider or…or just simply to belong. Like, there’s a whole Global campfire line of stuff that just lets us feel connected in a tangible way to each other knowing that we’re moving through the Scriptures together on this journey. So, check those resources out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can also do that at dailyaudiobible.com or within the app. So, using the website there’s a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer the mail, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, of course, as always, we are a community. We love on each other. We pray for one another. We catch up with each other. We move through a year of life together and we follow each other stories. And, so, if you’re shouldering some things that are a little too heavy for you or on the other side of that if you're rejoicing because your burden is light, and you want to give glory to God for that then reach out let us know. Just hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button up at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello. Hi this is my first time calling for the Daily Audio Bible. I am so thankful to be a part of this community and my father recommended this to me and I am so happy. I wanted to call for Zinab. She just had a beautiful story and I wanted to say that that we are praying for you and we’re so thankful that you have come to Christ. Thank you. I also wanted to call for a young lady who called about her college, her last semester and how she wanted to get through the Bible in a year. We’ll be praying for you. I will also ask if you could all pray for me. I have experienced a lot of anxiety this past year and I would just ask that you could pray for me this year 2021 to get through it with faith in Jesus Christ as God’s son that I would just really get through this year. Last year was difficult I know for all of us. My life was definitely a lot better than other people experienced for 2020 but I know it could have been better. Thank you, so much.

Hi DAB family it’s His River and Rain here calling from the UK. I just wanted to say a happy new year to you. It is currently the 12th of 0January but I just want to say a big happy new year. I hope it’s treating you well. But recently God has…God has been on the move, He’s been moving, not in a way that we expected. But one of my friends from church her sister have recently collapsed. She collapsed on Sunday. And, so, from Sunday until now she’s been in a coma and the doctors are very…quite pessimistic about it saying that she might not survive. But from…with her family and the churches that, you know, her family is a part of the Lord we’ve all just been praying. We’ve been praying so hard praying on worship and…and having different prayer meetings. I mean even though we can’t gather, you know, this is a crazy thing, you know, but even though we can’t…we cannot gather we’ve been having so many zoom meetings to just pray together. And the doctors, as I said, the doctors said she might not survive or she might not recover and be, you know, severe brain damage but God has just been sending so many miracles and what we’ve prayed for has just come to pass. You know, she’s moved her hand and she has taken a few breaths and then we’ve heard a couple of hours later that now she’s extending her arms and extending her legs and trying to cough. So, I just wanted to just ask for more prayer, more prayer for her, full recovery because we know God can do it. And I just want, you know DAB, my DAB warrior prayer warriors just to be part of this and to pray alongside us all because I know that you guys are good.

Good morning DABbers this is God’s Little Princess in East Texas. My name is Nikki but my first name is Deanna that means God’s little princess. I’m a few months new to being a DABber. I’ve encouraged…I’ve been encouraged by it tremendously. I’ve encouraged two friends to join me and they have. Another friend is the one who got me listening to DAB. My husband David is 61 and he’s in the hospital with Covid. Up and down every day. Different news all the time. I’m finally after 10 days and our second hospital understanding in this crisis what “be still” means. Please pray for mine…from my husband’s mind, my three children, they’re grown, my three grown…grandchildren, for our emotions to run to God. It’s one night good, one morning bad or vice versa. I just now, which is yesterday, got off the roller coaster and planted my feet and heart and my mind on the rock. We don’t know what will be in the future. We don’t know how this is gonna go. But I’m clinging to what God spoke to my heart. We have lots of prayer support here, tons actually. I’m so thankful. But I felt I wanted you all whom I love hearing pray and encourage and put your lives out there to get to know me and cover me as well. Brian, my nerves are really raw my emotions are raw but I’m so grateful for all of you. If you would just pray for my husband and for us…

Hello, my dear Daily Audio Bible family this is Maria Missionary in Mexico. I’m calling today with a heavy heart for my friend Glesel. Glesel and her husband Jonathan they are our personal friends, and we all attend church together here and I’m their daughters, their two daughters Sunday school teacher. They got the news this year that they’re going to have another baby, actually last year. And they were…they were so excited to find that out and then they got the really hard news that the baby is a large growth on its neck back and head. It’s been a really hard year for the Glesel. Her grandfather then man who raised her died. Other family member or two I don’t remember had surgeries. It’s been really difficult. And now there’s this and it just feels very heavy and difficult. I told her about the Daily Audio Bible and that we could pray for her if she wanted me to. So, she said, “yes. Please.” You know, she said it would be fine to post this prayer request. Well, I’m gonna pray for our friends our…our brother and sister and I asked that you pray along with me family. Padre Celestia, we just want to come before You today thank You for Jonathan and Glesel and their daughters. Thank You for this new baby that You’re forming in her womb. Lord You are the great healer, the great physician and this is not a problem for You. And we just ask that You would touch this little life and heal this baby and may it be glorifying testimony to You Lord and Your power. We pray for peace and joy in the midst of this circumstance for Johnny and Gelesie. __...

Hi good morning my name is __ from Nigeria and I’m glad to be part of the Daily Audio Bible even if it’s just been 12 days this year. Actually, calling to…I mean I’ve heard…I’ve also been able to pray with others but I’m at a point where I need a lot of strength, you know, to get through this year because __ decisions here in the UK trying __ by myself. So, just praying for strength to get through this and for all of this to make sense, you know, life in general at the end of the day. So, thank you very much and thank you for this platform.

This this is Candace from Oregon. I want to speak to people who lost loved ones unexpectedly. It’s been almost 4 years as many of you will remember when I lost my husband very unexpectedly. It was March 11, 2017. This community came around me in…in an incredibly loving way and held me up during that time for which I am deeply grateful. So, I want to speak to everyone who’s mourning. I know that for me it was like having half my body blown off. I had had a relationship with this man that I loved so dearly and who loved me for 41 years. And only in the last two years, two or three he had become finally someone who really walks really close with Jesus something he always wanted but finally was actually experiencing for himself. Lord I pray that You be with all these dear ones. I know that for me the first year was hard and the second year was really hard for just like a whole new set of reasons. Human beings are so complex Lord. We were fearfully and wonderfully made by Your hand. So, please be with these dear ones who are in grief and mourning. I pray that You would help them to either call into us and or call others who can grieve with them and love on them and give them support, and most of all I pray Lord Your Holy Spirit, Your healing power to come and surround them on every side and help them to…

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winedownwithcoffee · 7 years

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Sharna’s Self Esteem Blog

SELF-ESTEEM

November 13, 2017

"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization...It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." -Maslow

Hi Loverz,

Since the Dancing With The Stars Live Tour began, I've met you in meet and greets across the country and shared hugs and heard you tell me about the impact my blog "self-worth" had on you and your life. I've been moved beyond words and all I can say is, it is my pleasure, thank you.

I thought about how or what I would write in this post quite a bit. I asked myself why I would be good at helping you with the concept and tools in building your self-esteem. My answer is simple, because I've had to do the work too and continue to, each day.

I had to dig deep, get raw and real with my own challenges, insecurities and pain to be able to write this the way I wanted to...

The definition of self-esteem is: Confidence in one's own worth or abilities

In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Simply put, its what you think of yourself and how you treat yourself based off of what you think others think of you and how they treat you. Our Self-esteem is the foundation on which we build our reality, its how we tell people what we are worth, how to treat us, how to speak to us, and what to think of us. We tell them in a number of subconscious ways, your body language, your voice, your actions and so on. So basically… its a vicious cycle that we all work constantly to change.

Your self-esteem is only determined by you. You may not believe me but it is. The man that broke your heart, the woman that bitched about you behind your back, even the sibling that unintentionally always made fun of you because of their own self worth issues… these things, these people DO NOT define you, YOU define you. Your thoughts and actions can build you up or tear you down. Self-esteem involves a variety of beliefs about you... your appearance, your values, your emotions, your behaviors. Your self-esteem is major part of your development as a person and achieve your own potential. So… its kinda important right? Important to work at it and on it? Yes i think so, but lets be real…. it ain’t easy.

Whatever you can't let go of, is telling you to find something inside of you that doesn't believe you are enough.

I like to think of that voice as the worst best friend in the world, constantly telling me i’m not pretty, not strong, not lovable, telling me why i can’t do something and why i am less than i really am. Think about it, would you stay friends with that person!?!?! Hell no, you’d tell her to FUCK OFF in a matter of minutes. Yes i said it, I said that bad word for a very good reason (and please only use it internally as a tool). There is power in it, there is power in telling the things you can’t let go of to FUCK OFF, AND to say FUCK OFF to the idea of letting other peoples words and opinions determine your quality of life. Please understand I'm not telling you to say it to a person, that is rude and comes off as immature, but using it internally somehow gave me a sense of finality, of strength and power against my insecurities. Please my loves, with all your might believe you are worthy because you are, and until you unwaveringly do so, others will not know just how worthy you truly are.

OK… enough with the profanity, moving on ;)

By now, you know I am a big believer in mantras and positive affirmations. And although positive thinking is so beneficial and necessary it can also be a wall you keep hitting because you simply won't believe what you don't think is true. Don’t worry, I’ve been there, we all have, you are on track and it just takes practice. Remember you have to retrain your brain and tell that worst best friend in the world to do what? Thats right, i know you said it so i won’t. Write in your journal and get out what is hurting or what is blocking you, and at the end of it write what you are working on believing about yourself. Write a single mantra, and say it over and over again for 5 minutes, nice and slow, as you breathe in and breathe out.

However, its deeper than just mantras, It's about basic human needs.

The need to believe in something greater for ourselves

For some, you will find it in religion or spirituality but one common place we can all find it in, is LOVE.

A creative or physical outlet

I strongly believe we all need one. Self-expression is a necessary part of authenticity, knowing ourselves and a beautiful release. It also gives us pride in ourselves. What we can create out of nothing. Do you like to paint? write? Dance? Cook? Or maybe you enjoy the gym, running or playing a sport. Maybe your like me and you enjoy all the things ;) Do them, whether it is in your work or a hobby in your free time.

The need for meaning, purpose and goals

Having direction is important and if you feel lost right now, that's ok. But be searching for your passions and learn how you can use them to change the world for the better. You won’t find them by doing nothing, get out, try things, try all the things! Find a cause you believe in, find your voice to say what you want and don’t stop till you get it.

The need for status and recognition

Let me startthis one by saying that the only person you need recognition from is yourself, others commenting on your good work is not what should validate you. Be proud of yourself and congratulate yourself when you accomplish a goal and when you try new things. We all want to be great at something ... and truth is we all want to be recognized for it, but i believe you should let go of that. My career only soared when i gave up wanting to compete to look for recognition and accolades, i chose to dance for me, how i wanted and to do it for my love of dance and my love of entertaining people and making their day a little brighter. Only then did life provide me the chance to entertain people on a global scale.

The need to give and receive attention

No man is an island. Be social and not just online!! Enjoy time with friends, Join a club, go on a hike with someone, and work on appreciating others and taking notice and an interest in them as they will in you. Human interaction is vital, and we lack so much of it today. Put your phone away at dinner, converse with people, ask questions if you think you have nothing to say. Unplug at night, and instead of sitting at home once again maybe say yes to that party, or drink with a friend. Also, talk to at least one family member a day, stay connected with your roots (unless that is not healthy in your situation), remember family is important, tell them you love them, ask how their day was, it's very simple.

The need to look after our body

Please beauties, no matter what you look like if you are not taking care of your body you will never think it is good enough or appreciate how valuable it really is. Would you starve your best friend? Would you tell her, her thighs are too big? NO! So why would you ever treat yourself that way. It is so important to eat a clean diet filled with plant-based food. Exercise will not only make you feel better about your body but free your mind from unnecessary attachments. (See my *stiff body stiff mind* post)

The need for a sense of safety and security

It is very common for those who have suffered abuse to have low self esteem. You are not alone. You are not broken. Please know you are not what has happened to you, you are how you rise from it, and you absolutely CAN and WILL rise from it. At the same time if you see that someone might be going through abuse, please don’t ignore it, somehow the universe made it so you can see their pain when they can’t. it is not on you to take on their problems, nor do you need to fix them, but you can let them know they are not alone, and that you are there for them if and when they are ready to seek help.

You have “all the things” inside of you!

I am not a doctor, I don't have a phd, I am simply sharing the tools that I discovered help me through my experiences. I do urge anyone who feels their issues or view of themselves have become too dark to seek help from a doctor or mental health professional.

Drug Abuse hotline # (866) 248-0056

Abuse hotline # TEXT “GO” TO 741741 http://www.crisistextline.org

Trevor hotline # 1-866-488-7386 http://www.thetrevorproject.org

Mental health/Suicide hotline # 1‑800‑273‑TALK (8255) https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/

If you just need to talk to someone annonymously or want to help someone else. 7 cups of Tea is an amazing resource. https://www.7cups.com

I want to see your creativity, your art, talents, healthy recipes, exercise routines and all the things self love so please hashtag #allthethings in your posts so I can see and be inspired by you all. As always, I am so proud of you exactly as you are.

All my love,

Sharna

#i am posting the entirety #because damnit this is important #it ties into anxiety and self esteem #REREAD IT

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kat-feinated · 4 years

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April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

Hey friends! How are you hanging in there? This week has been a struggle for me which included lots of crying over seemingly stupid things (i.e. our new bedroom curtains not working in our space) but which I know is really about the stress and isolation we are all grappling with right now. On a positive note, I am still obsessed with the Netflix docuseries “Cheer” despite having no interest in cheerleading or really in sports at all. It took me a while to get on board with Coach Monica but now I want to hang out with her so bad.

Did you know April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month? You might have seen some blue pinwheels on people’s lawns or outside of businesses. Or you may have been inside in quarantine for the last 1 million days so perhaps not.

I thought it might be fun (maybe fun isn’t the best word) to answer some questions I frequently get about child abuse/neglect and give an insider perspective on working in the child welfare field. I think this topic is super interesting, but I completely understand if you want to skip over this post. It’s so funny to me because in grad school I swore that I would never work in child protective services, and yet here I am two years later and I love it so much. There are so many different opinions and stereotypes about CPS so I hope this post gives you a little more knowledge.

What legally counts as child abuse/neglect?

Good question! And I wish this was easier to answer! So many things. Here are some scenarios we commonly see:

-An infant who is born drug-exposed at the hospital

-An infant/toddler who is brought to the hospital with injuries, and the parents’ story does not line up with the child’s injuries

-A parent picks their child up from school and is clearly intoxicated

-A child who tells their neighbor that their father/uncle/cousin/coach/teacher touched them inappropriately

These are just a few examples. You truly see everything in this field from the child who isn’t consistently attending school due to the family’s instability to really extreme cases such as newborn babies who are severely injured by their parents.

Who should report child abuse/neglect?

I think there is a widespread stereotype that only mandated reporters (i.e. teachers, doctors, dentists) need to report concerns of child abuse/neglect. This is not true! Anyone can and should report concerns. It is everyone’s job to prevent child abuse/neglect. I think people worry about “ratting out” their friends and neighbors, but think of it this way-what if you were preventing a child from being seriously injured or killed?

How does someone go about reporting child abuse/neglect?

Where I work (Arapahoe County, Colorado) and live (Denver County), there is both a specific county hotline and a state-wide hotline. You can call either one to make a report. You can decide whether or not to give your name and personal information. Your personal information is kept confidential from the family.

So once I make a report, how does CPS decide whether to assign the case to a social worker?

I can only speak for the county where I work, because it is different around the country, but here is how we operate: twice a day, we hold “red team” (RED stands for something but I can never remember what). This is a group of 4-5 employees from different areas (i.e. intake caseworkers, permanency caseworkers, parenting time workers). Someone reads the report of concern verbatim and we discuss the concerns as a team. We also look into the family’s previous child welfare history, as well as any legal history. Then, we have to decide whether this report meets legal criteria for assignment. This is based off of the Colorado Children’s Code, which is essentially a legal guidebook for child welfare. If we decide that the report meets legal criteria for assignment, then there are two more decisions we have to make. First, which track do we want to assign it to (there are two options, High Risk Assessment and Family Assessment Response) and what should our response time be (immediate, two-day or five-day).

What happens after a report gets assigned for assessment?

If assigned, then an intake caseworker goes to see the child and family. If it is a high risk assessment, then the caseworker needs to see the child outside of the presence of the caretakers, so sometimes they will go talk to the child at school. Sometimes they will go to the family home. The caseworker will assess the concerns using an assessment tool (it’s really just a guide of what to look for/ask about). The caseworker will talk to everyone in the home, see the home environment, and talk to collaterals.

Depending on what’s going on in the home, the caseworker may create a safety plan with the family. This is usually in situations where there is no need to remove the child, but there are some concerns that need to be addressed. An example of this is if the home is very dirty or cluttered. The caseworker and parent will make an agreement that the parent must clean the home by the following Tuesday, which all parties will sign. The caseworker will bring in other supports, for example grandparents, to help hold the parent accountable to the plan. And, the caseworker will be sure to drop in, probably unannounced, to ensure the safety plan is being followed.

Sometimes, the caseworker may need to remove the children. An example of this would be if a parent is clearly intoxicated, refuses to cooperate with the caseworker and there is no safe and sober caregiver in the home. At this point, the caseworker would need to get a verbal removal order from the court. Caseworkers cannot just come into people’s homes and take their children. We know that this is extremely traumatic for both the children and the parents, and that this should only happen if there are true safety concerns that cannot be mitigated.

If the child/children does need to be removed, the caseworker will try to work with the parent to find a kin placement. There is a common belief that kin placements need to be blood relatives, but this is not true. They can be family members but they can also be teachers, neighbors or coaches. They will need to pass a background check and (obviously) be willing and able to care for the child/children.

Sometimes there are no viable kin options, so the child/children have to be placed into a foster home.

What happens after the child is removed?

Parents should be able to visit with their children within a few days of the removal-the sooner the better. This is where my role comes in-I supervise visits for children and parents at the Department while the parents are (hopefully) working towards addressing the safety concerns and achieving reunification with their children. Sometimes I do coaching with the parents, if I feel like they need help with basic parenting skills, such as regulating their emotions during visits or talking to their child/children in an age-appropriate way.

The caseworker will write a treatment plan for the parents, which is adopted by the court. A treatment plan is essentially a list of things the parent needs to achieve/demonstrate in order to be reunified with their child. For instance, if the Department is concerned about a parent’s drug use, they may be asked to take regular drug tests and complete substance abuse treatment. But it’s important to note that it’s not just about checking off a to-do list; the parent needs to demonstrate some insight into the safety concerns and show behavioral change over time.

Where can I learn more?

Books:

-The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls is an incredible memoir about a loving but dysfunctional family. It is a beautiful book about four resilient kids, their alcoholic father and mentally ill mother.

-The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk is a fabulous nonfiction book about the impact of trauma on the brain and body.

-Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison-I actually haven’t read this one yet but I’m dying to. It’s a memoir about one woman’s 13 years as a foster parent. We’re reading it for my next work book club.

Movies/TV:

-��The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez”-I just finished this Netflix docuseries about an 8-year-old boy who was tortured and ultimately killed by his mother and mother’s boyfriend. Although it is difficult to watch at times, it was so well made. It is definitely not a positive view of child protective services (I kept saying “WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT” while watching it), but it does bring to light many of the very real flaws and limitations of the system.

-”Poor Kids”-This Frontline documentary follows three young girls growing up in poverty in the Midwest. Although it’s not directly about child welfare, the two are so intertwined that I think every social worker should watch this.

-”Removed”-This mini film on youtube will give you all the feels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOeQUwdAjE0

#childabuse #childabuseprevention #child neglect #childwelfare #child protective services #socialwork

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shinigami-pomp · 7 years

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This Started As A Note

I am a lonely person who has never been cut out for this world. In a past life I must have sucked…or maybe I’ve just been less than honorable in this one. All I know is that my happiness has always been so fleeting and foreign. My happiness is usually tied to- or is a manifestation of- drug induced euphoria. My happiness. It doesn’t exist. It isn’t mine because I so rarely feel in control of It.

Have you ever felt crazy? Reaching for things, anything and nothing, to ground yourself. I anxiously paced, and searched for, and reached for a knife today. It didn’t feel right in my hands. I held a glass bottle. I had the urge to smash it over my own head which I think I (amid racing thoughts) deemed too “slapstick”. I envisioned smashing it on the counter and maybe dragging the glass shards against my skin but… I’m not a cutter to be fair and I feel like the feeling of self-harm, in that moment, was eclipsed by what I felt might be satisfaction in simply smashing the full bottle of room temp cold brew I held and being done with it.

I didn’t do it.

I walked to my room and leaned against the wall and I sobbed briefly. It was genuinely quick. It just escaped my lips but… despite my loneliness, there’s shame in audible tears so with shaking breaths I suppressed and reached for a large safety pin that I keep on the same hook as my appropriative Buddhist prayer beads. I let tears fall as I continue to feel sorry for myself, so pitifully about to mutilate skin because I feel lonely and lost and angry and sad and sad and sad and sad. I’m in my head though and wonder where the appropriate place to scar one’s body is. It’s summer; not my arms. Do I really want scars on my legs or ribs? Like I said… I’m not a cutter so I half-heartedly scratch my… I don’t even remember… it was such a superficial scratch, it was already gone 10 seconds later.

I couldn’t do it.

I did manage to lose the safety pin somewhere in my bedding or on my floor and I fully expect to succeed unintentionally in self harming when I inevitably roll over onto it or get it lodged in my foot as I head to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I wonder if that’s the way I’ll die too. Suicide is always an ideation. This is one reason why I’m not cut out for this world…but I also can’t hack dying by my own hand. I’m a failure all around. Maybe I’ll get on a plane and it will go down. Maybe I’ll head to the grocery store and get plowed over by an SUV running a light. Maybe I’ll win the lottery and die in my sleep that next day. C’est la vie.

I pull up the suicide hotline webpage. Apparently one can chat online now. Technology is great. Technology provides support for the waves of depression and desperation that envelope me when I look at my social network of Snap stories and Instagram photos of acquaintances with friends smiling, acquaintances traveling and smiling, acquaintances getting married and smiling… acquaintances living. Successfully existing. Facebook posts about acquaintances graduating graduate school and acquaintances landing jobs or being promoted. All liked, viewed, and validated by 60, 70, 80, 90, 100+ other acquaintances. Technology is there when I look at my own screams into the void that go so under… validated. It’s good to know that technology is there to provide a nameless faceless support system that is paid to chat with me online. Technology is awesome.

Actually today, I spent 4 straight hours online looking for apartments and jobs whilst simultaneously trying not to think about how my life is spiraling out of control and how uncertainty kills me slowly. I re-confirmed, as I do every time I job search, that I’m not qualified enough to be considered by any place I want to work … mainly because even in minimum wage, shit hour, non-profit sector gigs… you need a BA. But I was unfazed by this (on its own) today. As a student of life, I try to learn something new every day and today’s factoid was: I’m uninteresting. Not only am I unqualified for a career path job, but I’m unqualified to be an interesting human that people want to get to know. Searching for affordable accommodation in gentrified cities is more difficult than applying for college. Listing after listing I read on Facebook asking for community oriented individuals. Artists. Bohemians. Vegans. Scholastics. SJWS. Extroverts. Professionals. 20-year olds. 40-year olds. Positive mentally sound people. “Link your Instagram and Facebook so that we can use those to confirm how interesting you are; how loved you are by those around you”.

I don’t fit the bill. But it would appear that so many other people do. I stand no chance. C'est la guerre.

When I break it down:

I have nobody to talk to. I have no more strong connections. I feel unsupported (even if it’s there at times). I feel burdensome all the time.

How can a person feel like they have lost everything when, in reality, they never inherited anything to begin with? Or maybe, how can a person who inherited so much more than plenty of people, feel as if they never stood a chance?

As I’ve typed this, therapeutic self-deprecation has dried any tears. I feel the type of calm I would feel during my brief genuinely non-dramatic stint with bulimia. The calm that comes after a purge. It’s not a relaxing calm necessarily. Not a bright warm calm. It’s the calm that comes when you’re just too tired to feel anything. Too tired to do anything. Too tired to think any more. The calm of a dying person in an induced coma. The calm after a tornado that has ripped miles worth of homes from their foundations. C’est la mort.

Tomorrow is another day to wish I was someone else or nobody at all. There will never be a reprieve outside of untimely death and…

I can’t do it.

- 17 July 2017

#dear diary

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