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Cults & Religious Abuse PART 1: Q & A

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tw// cults, religion, religious abuse, religious trauma, mentions of other types of abuse

Anonymous asked:

Ask for ur series - as someone who hasn’t been thru religious abuse, what can I do to support my friends who have been?

Answer:

I love this question and I’m so glad that you’re the type of friend who thinks to ask this type of question! This is a question that I’ll definitely be addressing in much more detail later in this series, but I’ll go into the basics of it here and try to answer your question thoroughly. 

From my personal experience, religious abuse and religious trauma are difficult traumas to talk about for a couple of extra reasons beyond those that make trauma difficult to talk about in general. A lot of the time, these experiences can come across as farfetched and unbelievable to people who are unfamiliar with fundamentalist or extreme religions. Additionally, in a lot of situations, the person might worry that their negative experiences with religion will be received poorly by someone who is still religious. Of course, these are generalizations and are by no means the case for everyone, but I can only speak from my experience.

I don’t know if you’re a religious person, but if you are, I would encourage you to make every effort to put that perspective aside when supporting a friend who has experienced religious trauma. This doesn’t mean you should pretend you aren’t religious or anything along those lines, but it does mean that you’ll need to consciously acknowledge that something you hold dear has significantly harmed someone you care about and put aside any beliefs that might make you hesitate to believe them or that might cause you to push that religion on them once again. 

As an example, I was a victim of extremely fundamentalist Christianity and my best friend of almost 10 years is a devout Catholic. Because I was afraid that she wouldn’t believe me or would try to convince me that I should still be a Christian, it took me until earlier this year to actually talk to her about my trauma. But the way she responded, while imperfect, put aside her religious beliefs to support me. She told me that she believed me, that she was sorry that I’d had that experience, and that she would never push me to be religious or participate in religious activities. And she has followed through with those statements, which is even more important than the initial statement. I would also recommend that you ask your friend how much they’re comfortable talking about religion in general as this will vary by person (and if you’re not comfortable asking, err on the side of caution). I know I’m okay talking about religion as long as it isn’t something that’s explicitly related to my experiences, but this won’t be the same for everyone.

I would also encourage you to be supportive and understanding of the way your friend was raised to see the world. It’s most likely vastly different to how you see the world, and these perspectives take a long time to overcome. I might even say that some may never be fully overcome. It’s absolutely okay (and probably recommended) to point out when they have a misconception, but it’s important to point this out kindly and acknowledge that it’s a product of their environment and doesn’t necessarily reflect on them. Give them a solid chance to reconstruct their view of the world rather than jumping to the assumption that they are a bad person because of something they were told as a child that they didn’t have any way to correct.

Other than these few specific answers, you should just be generally supportive as you would to anyone who has experienced trauma. And as always, the best thing you can do is to ask them how you can help.

Anonymous asked:

Is it part of religious abuse to use faith, religion and the threat of "curses" and damnation in order to stop us from responding/reporting/calling out other forms of abuse- like physical and verbal abuse? ie, "God will punish you if you're not grateful to us", "God will punish you if you complain", "God will take everything away if you don't attend this ritual even when you're not physically capable of it"?

Answer:

Yes, using faith, religion, and religious threats to prevent you from responding appropriately to other forms of abuse is absolutely religious abuse and I’m so sorry if that is something that you have experienced. If you’re currently experiencing abuse, I’d encourage you to visit any of these resources and make some sort of plan to ensure your safety:

US Domestic Violence Hotline or +1 (800) 799-7233

International Domestic Violence Hotlines 

Domestic Violence Hotline’s Article on Spiritual Abuse 

Wikipedia Article about Religious Abuse (very basic explanation)

I would also encourage you to report any abuse that’s occurring in your home, especially if any children are involved, but please make sure that you and everyone else involved are as safe as possible when doing so. If you have a trusted friend or family member, you could also reach out to them.

@thiswilldragon asked:

Do you have any tips on how people who weren’t raised in cults should interact with people who were, but have now left?  

(A few years ago I ran into someone who used to be really awful to me at school - she was trying to be nice and I blanked her.  I now realise her parents had convinced her that I literally worshipped Satan and she was probably terrified of me every time I was in the room.)

Answer:

First, I would encourage you to follow the advice given in my first answer about supporting a friend who has experienced trauma caused by religion. Of course, only you can know how much of this advice is applicable in specific situations, but in general it’s a good idea to be as supportive as possible in a respectful way.

Second, I would encourage you to let the other person set the boundaries for interaction. In this situation you described, this other person was likely pretty uncomfortable interacting with you. In situations like that, I would simply let them set the boundaries. If it seems like they’re interested in talking to you, you might feel confident enough to start up a casual conversation, but if they generally avoid you, you might prefer to avoid unnecessary interactions. In general though, you should interact in a nonthreatening, kind, open way. It might also be beneficial to avoid making jokes that could come across negatively until you’re certain that it won’t be a problem to do so because in my experience people can take those jokes pretty seriously.

PART 2: So you’re in a cult?