#and now I'm taking more meds and going back to sleep :v

[kirby-the-gorb]

[buthowboutno]

DONNIES POV OF THE LATEST CHAPTER... PRETTY PLEASE? 🥺

you've caught me in an amenable mood, sure!

Here's a Donnie POV from the very end of chapter 24 <3

(it's v unedited, apologies)

---

"Wow," April said as she leaned on the counter next to Donnie, "They're really out cold."

Donnie snorted and continued his task of gathering up the empty bottles around the bar.

(He liked to repurpose glass when he could. The more time he spent re-shaping it into his desired purposes it was less time he had to keep depending on subpar tech companies.)

"Just wait until you put a movie on in front of Sweets," Donnie retorted, "I've never seen someone pass out so quickly."

April hummed, gathering up bottles in her own bag, "Should we wake them up and send them home? I bet Leo would make an extra pit stop for them.

"Uh," Donnie said, tilting his head in confusion, "They're spending the night."

"You're not making them sleep on the couch, Donnie."

"I am not making them sleep on the couch, April."

"Sunny and I are taking the spare bed."

"Yes."

"The Casey's have already claimed the cots in the med bay."

"Correct again," Donnie said stiffly, a faint blush rising on his cheeks, "We... Sweets and I usually share my bed."

"Ohhh," April said, trailing off, "Okay. I see."

"There's nothing to see," Donnie argued, "It's simply the most sensible and economical solution. It would be a waste of resources to keep a spare bed fresh and clean with the frequency of Sweet's visits."

"I'm sure."

"Good," Donnie said with a huff, his gaze falling back on you. Your chest rose and fell softly as you slept. Your hand rested against your forehead and twitched as the breeze started to pick up.

It was getting colder again. Truly unprecedented weather patterns this year. If Donnie was a betting man, he would expect snow again before May.

(The month, not Sweet's roommate.)

(Duh, Donatello.)

"I think that's the last of the bags," Raph said, popping his head out of the portal Leo was maintaining just to the side of the pool, "You guys need anything?"

"Wanna get sleepyhead inside?" April said, jerking her head in your direction, "I'm worried about them catching a cold."

"No," Donnie said quickly, practically on instinct.

April raised an eyebrow at Donnie. Her eyes glimmered with satisfaction for just a moment as she schooled her face back to a neutral expression.

Donnie didn't have the energy for her presumptions right now. Not after the last few weeks.

"Raph, do you mind finishing up the bottles for me?" Donnie asked. He already tossed his bag over to Raph before he got an answer and was quickly approaching your side.

You scrunched your face up as Donnie gently raised your head off the chair and managed to settle your torso against his. You were solidly snoozing again with your face pressed against Donnie's neck by the time he managed to slide an arm under your legs.

Donnie pointedly did not look at April and Raph as he stepped through the portal and avoided Casey's blatant staring with a swift departure down his hallway.

You muttered something incomprehensible as Donnie took an especially sharp turn.

It was like a second nature for Donnie to chirp at you and press his cheek against the top of your head as he activated the door to the lab. It was one of the things that Donnie was actively choosing not to think about.

(He had a list.)

(Hypothetically.)

(If there were things that he needed to address.)

(Which there weren't.)

Donnie was so preoccupied in his thoughts that he didn't even think about the fact that he had managed to get a hoodie onto you without considering any of the necessary steps he needed to take before that. Namely, getting your swimsuit off first.

He... Donnie didn't think he should be doing that.

"Sweets, you need to go get changed," Donnie said softly, trying to lift you to your feet from where he had set you onto the bed.

(He tried not to think about the wet mark you left behind on his blankets.)

(Where was his mind today?)

You managed to blearily open your eyes and nodded at him. You allowed him to guide you to the bathroom and obediently took the pair of sweatpants he pressed into your hands.

Donnie shut the door behind you and took a deep, steadying breath. He willed his mind to that calming blankness he reached for during meditation. There was no other option, really.

Not on the fumes Donnie was barely running off of.

Ten seconds in.

Change out of his swim trunks. Place in hamper.

Fifteen out.

Replace the comforter, deal with it in the morning.

Twenty seconds in.

Take off his battle shell. Set it on the charger.

Twenty-five --

You opened the door to the bathroom, the light pouring in behind you as you yawned widely. You half-stumbled, half-walked towards his bed.

Donnie had to catch you as you attempted to pull yourself onto his sheets, your hands failing to find traction on the satin.

You giggled sleepily, your hand landing on the collar of Donnie's hoodie while he attempted to tuck you in. You managed to find his arm and tugged at it, humming happily as you managed to pull it to your chest.

Donnie, already leaning over the bed and in grave danger of losing his balance, had to make a quick choice.

Pull away, calm his heartrate, and go sleep on the lab couch, or...

He could stay.

He couldn't--

Could he--?

You would never--

You made the decision for him, in the end, whether you were conscious of it or not. You pulled forward Donnie with the whole weight of your torso as you leaned farther into his bed.

It was all Donnie could do to keep from squishing you beneath him as he landed on the bed. He would be lying if he said he didn't delight in the fact that you were so near, that every bone in his body wasn't screaming at him to stay close to you at all times.

You snored softly next to Donnie, your ability to pass out within an instant never lagging.

He... would be staying. It didn't seem worth it to disturb you more than Donnie had to.

That was the most reasonable justification that Donnie could find, in any case.

(He really needed to get his hindbrain in order.)

"Shelldon, lights off."

[mags-writes]

Sunlight || Part VII

Summary: frank gets some insight

Series Warnings: canon typical violence, canon typical swearing, first time writing x reader, no use of y/n, no beta readers we die like ray nadeem

Pairing: frank castle x fem!reader

Authors Note: a short one so I can properly finish the last chapter

PROLOGUE/MASTERLIST || PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V || PART VI || PART VII || PART VIII

You blankly stared out at the fatherly love pouring from John Pilgrim as he held his sons to him in a hug that you knew was the most comforting thing those boys would ever feel.

The phantom itch of your own father's arms wrapping around you made your skin crawl knowing that it wasn't real and that you'd never feel that again. And not because of the John Pilgrim that was hugging his children in front of you, but a different, more deranged John Pilgrim that was still running around back in your dimension. A man with the same face and same voice.

"She refused any pain meds that would actually get rid of the pain so she's got a little relief and she's a bit loose-lipped." You heard distantly.

Amy sat down in front of you, blocking your view of John and you smiled warmly at her.

"Hey, baby." You said.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Better, now that I've got some more fluids in me." You look at the IV and blood bag sitting next to one another that was hooked up to you. "How about you? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." You knew she was rattled but you also knew that she was a tough kid and that she needed a few night's sleep before she felt more at ease. "Frank's worried about you though. He's like a kicked puppy-"

"Hey." Frank interrupted, sitting down next to you and kicking Amy's legs. "It's rude to lie."

"Yeah, sure thing Pete." She retorted with a smirk.

She got up leaning down to give your arm a squeeze before walking away again.

"Are you saying you're not worried for me?" You teased, nudging him with your shoulder.

"As if you'd want me to be." He replied, nudging you back. "Can I ask you somethin'?"

"You saw me shove a knife into a man's throat, Frankie," You laugh, looking at him with that sweet smile. "You don't have to ask that anymore."

"Okay, fair enough." He chuckles before setting you with his own smile. "That thing you did. The Mississippi countin'. What was that?"

"Oh, that." You teeter back a little before settling with a small smile. "Jack Murdock, Matt's dad, taught me how to throw a proper punch when I was six when he saw what my older brothers were like. It wasn't his fault but it just encouraged me to get angry. Then when the accident with Matt happened, and I started having to look out for my younger brothers as well as my older brothers, I just got so goddamn angry." You paused, going to show him your right hand but forgetting about the bandages. "You can't see it but there's a small scar from where I knocked out the two front teeth of this kid that was picking on Matt. I was sick of being the one keeping my brothers safe for their sake and then getting in trouble, being told I should mind my own business."

"Yeah, that's bullshit." Frank said, bringing his arm to rest across your shoulders and bringing you into his side.

"Jack talked to my parents and convinced them to let him train me in boxing." You laid your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes.

"That's where those light feet come from." Frank joked, making you smile bashfully and turn your face into his neck briefly.

"Yeah. Before he died, he taught me to put a pin in my anger." You open your eyes again, looking down at the bandages on your hands. "Take as long as I need to count to three but I better have a lid on it by three Mississippi's or I'd get my head rung in."

"Was he ever wrong?"

"Nope."

"Hey." You jumped at Dinah sneaking up on you again. "Sorry."

"Nope, gotta get used to it." You said and she took the seat across from you that Amy had. "You good?"

"I should be asking you that." She replied, nodding down to your hands. "They say it's gonna be a few weeks before you can actually use your hands."

"Yeah, don't know how I'm gonna cook anything." You brought your bandaged hands up in front of your face, frowning at them and wincing when you tried to move them.

"Karen and I have been talking," She leaned forward on her elbows on her thighs, giving you a serious look. "We're all going to help you move in with me."

You drop your hands, eyes widening a fraction. "Dinah, no, you don't have to do that for me."

"You're not going to be able to take care of yourself during the day with Frank and Matt off at their jobs." She said, reaching out and taking a hold of your wrist.

"What, and you can?"

"I got a promotion recently so I can take some time and transfer it all to work from home and maybe have an odd office day." She squeezed your wrist slightly. "That way I can help you recover."

"Dinah, you don't know me."

"I know that those boys would still be in danger if it weren't for you." She said earnestly. "I'm not going to let you sleep on a couch while you're in recovery."

"But..." You stuttered, looking at Frank for a second before looking back at her. "I make them lunches. And Dinners."

Dinah pauses, giving you a look like she can't believe what just came out of your mouth.

"Why the hell are you making lunch and dinner for two grown men?"

"I'm Italian!" You whined, bringing your hands up. "It's what I do!"

"Hey," Frank squeezed you to his side and brought his mouth to your ear making you shiver. "Quit bein' so stubborn."

You sigh, finally relenting. "Fine."

"I'm also hiring you." She adds, standing up and smirking.

"Pardon?"

\\\\

Tagged: @danzer8705 (sorry for forgetting to tag you in the last chapter!)

[mickmundy]

honestly i don't think sniper is a dirty person lol. i think he knows/accepts that Being Grody comes with his job sometimes so he'll deal with it with no fuss, and everyone enjoys working up a sweat now and then, but i don't think he's someone with Bad Hygiene, not even a little!

he clearly shaves regularly and brushes his teeth and he'd have to know how to take care of himself if he's been a survivalist and whatnot. i don't think he does Skincare Routines or Self Cares on the level that maybe spy or medic would, but i definitely wouldn't say that he like. pees all over himself or Actively Chooses to stink or "be gross". i think he knows it comes with the job/his hobbies (taxidermy, hunting, survivalism stuff) so he's like "eh whatever" but he loves hot showers and a fresh change of clothes.

i think that Because he's been out in the wilderness sleeping in buffalo corpses etc he'd Appreciate being clean that much more. like i think something he really Loves is a hot shower after a gross day on the field. hot water dries out his Already Dry/chapped skin but he doesn't care because it feels good Dammit!

and with jarate i don't think he'd keep the jars in his home either.. if he doesn't have a tiny toilet in his camper then he'd just go outside/to the base to do his business?? and he'd probably fill them while working and just keep them in his Weapon Crate for the next fight..idk

whereas like spy would just. Be So Pissed if he got Even Remotely Dirty (again he'd acknowledge work is work but wouldn't be Happy about it LOL)

medic and sniper are more like "oh well! let's get our hands dirty! >:) it'll be worth it in the end!" and spy's like "EUGHHH!" med and snip wandering around after battle and looking for dead animal corpses or Cool Stuff and spy is like "GROSS XP"! like he's not Put Off by gore (given his job) but i don't think he'd like. actively pursue it. whereas medic and sniper would be like "oh! a vulture ribcage! in tact! yippee! ^__^"

spy's like "i'm going to leave you two Freaks alone i am only interested in this stuff when it is made into a belt or shoes! >:/" and has tea with heavy and reads books and spy vents about how their bffs are gross and heavy nods and is like "da... they are.. unconventional.. ^_^;"

like in my mind they interact like this:

sniper and medic: kneeling in the dirt and giggling with their backs to spy spy: *looks over their shoulders Reluctantly (but he's nosy so he can't help it) what exactly are you two doing :| sniper: *holds up corpse of [animal] Way Too Close to spy's face (he's very enthusiastic)* look! it's perfectly preserved! :D medic: *clapping his hands Delightedly* yippee!! i am going to bleach zhe bones! ^v^ hoo hoo! spy: *Frowns In All Caps* i am Sincerely sorry I asked

[amidstnamjin-and-binchanlix]

i don't wanna look at anything else (now that i saw you)

Warnings: Uhhh. Not much. Just some v v light angst, and Jackjack being a teeny tiny bit of a dumbass lil shit. Mentions of alcohol and getting drunk fuk yeah no don't do too much alcohol, kids. body and image insecurities, too.

Pairings: Jackson Wang/Reader

Plot: In another lifetime, another universe, your happy ending has always been in front of you all along.

Genre: light angst, eventual happy ending

And I can still see it all (In my mind)

All of you, all of me (Intertwined)

I once believed love would be (Black and white)

But it's golden (Golden)

And I can still see it all (In my head)

Back and forth from New York (Sneaking in your bed)

I once believed love would be (Burning red)

But it's golden

Like daylight, like daylight

Like daylight, daylight

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

(I can never look away)

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

(Things will never be the same)

I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night

(Now I'm wide awake)

mixtape: all i have left to give - part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - ending 1

Oooooooohhhhweeeeeee

This is crazy

So much has happened since I last posted.

i got psychiatric help so guess who's on meds now? yay (not)

i mentioned here before that when I write the mixtape series, it's not necessarily in chronological order. I already have a rough draft in my mind of how it would go, and I am already planning to write the prequel to the first part, but it won't necessarily mean that it will come first. I also have an idea of what will happen for the ending(s?), but I have yet to muster the energy to write continuously right now bc so much has happened irl

With that being said, my next part will be a glimpse of one of the "what-if" endings. If it irks you that my writings are all over the place, I'm so sorry but I rly cant force my brain to write at one linear pace. As I always say, I hope I don't disappoint, and I'm so sorry if I do.

Thank you so much for loving my babies and for giving them the time of the day. Every time I get a notification of likes/reblogs/kudos/bookmarks, it warms my heart bc wtf it is more than I ever hoped for

thank you so much once again! this part is for those who are rooting for my babie jackjack because hey, he's a fuckin sweetheart and i love him to bits

just a little trigger warning for some insecurities because this is kinda self-projecting, i'm so sorry T_T

🌅

Soft morning light greets you when you open your eyes.

You've always relished in these times—the seconds or minutes of blank bliss and silence in between waking up and lucidity. These are times of peace before facing the storm of the day.

You stare at the ceiling of the room, the cream-colored walls, then the photos that line up your drawers.

So much has happened these past few months. Sometimes, you still can't believe that you've survived through it, that you powered through it. You genuinely thought it would end up killing you, and that you'd die hurting inside out.

But you lived, and you're happy now.

You turn your head to the side to find him, still slumbering. You take a deep breath and dig your fingers into your palm, afraid that this will all be a dream, and that you'll wake up with sweat on your forehead and blood on your lips and sheets.

You honestly would never have made it without him.

The one and only constant in your life, your ride-or-die.

Jackson.

He had been there through everything—the treatments, the hospitalizations, the relapses, and the recovery. He was there to see you fall apart at 3 a.m., see you struggle with breathing at random times of the day, there to see you bleed out from the love you had (have) for the other men who were supposed to love you back unconditionally.

He was there through everything, and he never once let go of your hand.

Sometimes, you think how it would be if you ended up with them; what would happen? Would you be happier? How would it be different from how it is right now?

But then, you think, they never loved you the way you wished to, the way they should've until you were on the brink of death. There would be too much resentment, too much guilt, too much pain. You would never be truly happy.

You feel guilty thinking about these things. You are genuinely happy— happier even—than you've ever been. Jackson never made you feel like you have to be someone else, like you have to live up to someone's high expectations. You never have to cry again, except when he goes on tour and you miss him, or when you're so happy with him that tears just can't help but make confetti in your eyes.

But then, you and Jackson both know that it is inevitable, that the love for the seven men who were once the center of your soul would never really go away. And he's okay with it, you're both okay with it. You've both made peace that they will always be a part of your life. All that matters is Jackson is your home now, that he's the one that you'll come home to. He's the one that you will make a space for in your heart, and the only one that will occupy it and stay for good.

Jackson is home, and he always will be.

You reach out and carefully brush Jackson's hair away from his still-closed eyes. Moments like this you miss the most when he's away on tour and you can't go with him. It gets lonely, but his coming home with the biggest and proudest smile on his face makes everything worth it.

He is worth it, and he always will be.

You scoot closer to his sleeping figure, wrapping your arm around his waist. Februaries are always cold, so his body warmth is heaven-sent. It is also one of the things you miss during times apart. You grew up in a non-affectionate household, touch-starved to the point that you became touch- repulsed. But after getting to know how Jackson feels like home, you can never get enough of his touch. You can never go for too long without it, and you can say you almost reverted to being touch-starved.

You shift to wrap yourself around him, slinging your leg lightly over his. You hear him groan as you bury your face in the crook of his neck, trying not to miss him already. You still have two weeks left before he leaves again for his next tour, but you can already feel the creeping sadness and pit in your stomach.

You're getting separation anxiety again. Maybe it's time to talk to your therapist.

Your fingers find themselves curled on his arms lightly, tracing shapes and absently doodling on his skin. 

"You're up early," comes Jackson's sleep-laden voice, his arms wrapping around your shoulders.

"'m not up yet," you grumble, subtly inhaling the scent of his skin. "And it's already seven AM; not early."

Jackson chuckles. "Okay, okay. No need to get pouty."

You huff. "I'm not pouty," an irony as you can actually feel yourself pout more when he says that. "It's really just not early."

It is early, you actually know it. But you want to spend more time with him before he sets off to wow the whole world again while you stay behind and wait for him to come home, so no, it's not really early.

You feel him kiss your hair. "Ah. I'm still here, but you already miss me." He laughs lightly. "What would you do without me?"

You know it's a joke, but your abandonment issues have been seriously acting up for a while now. You have to swallow before answering.

"I'd die without you," you blink rapidly to stop yourself from crying, trying to keep your tone light. "Terribly, so."

"Hey," Jackson tries to push your shoulder gently to look at your face, but you don't want him to see your crumpled expression.

"Hey, don't cry. It's too early for you to cry." You sniff, not wanting to let go of him. "I'm joking. You can never get rid of me at this point."

"But you can get rid of me," you fail to not sound miserable. "You can find someone else and settle down with them, someone whole."

A pause.

"Someone not broken."

"No." This time, Jackson's tone is firm, almost angry. "I don't like you talking about yourself like this, and I won't get rid of you. Is that what you think of me?"

"No, but you—"

"'But I ' nothing '," he says. He sits you both up and he puts his hands on your shoulders. "I fought nail and tooth just so I can have my happy ending with you. I fought with the law, I fought your soulmates, and I will fight all over again just so I can have this until we grow old and wrinkly. Why would I get rid of someone I've wanted my whole life? That's fucking stupid."

Your lips curl in a slight pout, trembling with all the tears that want to escape. You absently touch your chest, used to the phantom pain that came with the soul-scraping before. It's gone now, but all the things you used to do, used to go through, as well as the painful memories are still here.

"I..." You start, voice hoarse. "Sorry, I just don't want a repeat of that, you know?"

"I know."

"And I know you're not like them, but there are so many reasons things don't work out. And not to be dramatic or what—erm—," you clear your throat, "but I won't survive the next time I go through that again." Not if everything goes into plan, that next step you are planning with him. "It'll kill me."

You won't survive another soul-scraping, you just won't.

"You won't. I won't leave, I promise." Jackson presses a tender kiss on your lips, running his thumb on your cheek as he cradles it gently. "As I said, we'll grow old and wrinkly. We'll be that meme on Facebook where we grow old together and play bump cars with wheelchairs."

You snort softly. "If you damage my rhetorical wheelchair, I'm using yours. You crawl on the ground."

He grins, a lovely sight on his pretty face. "I'll always crawl my way back to you," he croons.

Jackson leans in and captures your lips in a gentle kiss. His hand finds its way inside your top and you flinch unintentionally. He tenses, then pulls away.

"I'm sorry," you hurriedly say.

"Hey," he says, eyes searching your face. "No need to apologize. I'm sorry. We don't need to do anything you don't want to."

"No, no. I want to." You pause, biting your lip. "It's just... my scar." You absently trace your myectomy scar. He looks at you, willing you to go on. "It's ugly." Among all other things.

"You will never be ugly." You open your mouth to retort but he silences you with a serious look. "I love you, scars and all. But as I said, we don't have to do anything. I just want to spend my time with you, and I'm good."

God, you think, I really think I'll marry you.

You surge up with a fierce kiss to his lips, taking your top off before you can change your mind.

"Wait, wait." Jackson puts his hand on yours, stopping you from taking your shirt off. "No."

"No?" You swallow thickly.

"No, not like that," he says hurriedly, seeing your mood shift. "Is it a good day?"

You know what he means, and it is not.

"No," you agree in a small voice. "It isn't."

You've gotten far from your insecurities, but they sometimes come back sneakily, like they did yesterday and today, of all days.

"We can keep your shirt on if you'd like?" he offers.

You take one look at him. Yup, you'll definitely marry him.

"Please?" You implore with your eyes.

He smiles softly. "Then we keep your shirt on."

His smile turns wicked.

"Won't stop me from eating you out from under it, though."

---

"Mark!"

"No," Mark says flatly. "You're not backing out of this."

"But—"

"Do you love him?" he asks.

"Yes!"

"Do you want to marry his ugly face?"

"He's not ugly, but yes!"

"Do you want to spend your lifetime kissing his ugly face?"

"Again, my Jackson is not ugly, but yes, I do!"

"Did you change your mind then?"

"Y—no, I did not!"

"Then why are you backing out?!"

"Because what if he doesn't want to?" [Name] bursts out to which Mark snorts impatiently. "What if doesn't want that for life? That's a lifetime of commitment, Mark. I can't undo that shit."

"You think he would want to?" Mark asks, almost angry, his patience growing thin. He rolls his eyes to heaven when he sees you in near tears.

"He wants to marry your equally ugly face," to which you splutter a 'hey!', "he talks, breathes, and sleeps nothing but [Name], [Name], [Name]." He sighs.

"Do you really think he would let go of you now?"

You know at this point that your fear is redundant and irrational, but you can't help it. Not when your own (ex-)soulmates didn't want you. It took you almost dying, and choosing your dignity and self-respect before they turned around. And even then, it was too late. Your soul is having none of it.

Mark softens at your silence. "Did you talk to your therapist about this?"

You nod. "Yeah. He said that I should start forgiving myself and moving forward and that I should believe that not everyone is like them. Not everyone will leave me."

"He's right. We won't leave you. We're stuck with you, just like how you're stuck with us. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay, good. Now, give me my hug because I just got from a long tiring flight because someone didn't want me to ride her private jet." He glares at you.

You laugh. "I told you, I need to fly here earlier than you since you can't cancel your meeting."

"You could've—I don't know—waited for me, maybe?" He pulls you in a tight hug.

Before you two can pull away, however, you both hear the sounds of Jackson's voice and the door opening.

Oh, shit.

You two freeze on your hug. You don't understand why you did but you just feel guilty, like being caught with your hand down your pants. You and Mark pull away from each other quickly.

"What's this? Hugging without me, huh?" Jackson jokes, but you can hear the slight insinuation in his voice, one that Mark does as well.

"Yeah, I'm stealing your girlfriend, Wang. Watch out." Mark smirks lightheartedly.

This bitch!

Jackson's eyebrow twitches. "You wish." They embrace in a brief hug before he turns to you with a soft smile on his pretty face.

Wow. Years in and you still can't get your heart to shut up over his smile.

"Hey," he says softly. "This is a very nice surprise."

"I missed you and the bed was cold," you pout slightly. "So here I am."

"Ah, I knew it. You just want a bed warmer." In the background, you can hear Mark fake gag, and Jackson gives him the finger.

"No, I want my Jackson not an electric blankie, smartass."

"Your Jackson, huh?" Mark fake gags again, and you smile at Jackson's 'fuck off, Tuan'.

"This is not what I signed up for, so I'm leaving you lovebirds to it."

"About time." This time, it's Jackson who grumbles, and you and Mark both laugh. "Shut up."

---

The next few days of the tour see Jackson busier than ever, and so are you. With the tour coming to its end, you scramble to get the last steps of your surprise into place. After all, Jackson deserves the best, and you don't want to give him any less.

This also means that you both get to see less of each other. You miss him and it sucks, and Jackson sometimes gets to receive the burnt of it, unfortunately.

"Hey. It's okay, everything's going to be okay," he says. You are so close to bursting and just saying fuck it, but you can't, so you let out a frustrated growl.

"It is not, stop saying that again and again." It is not. The local producer and local venue producer are being tough nuts to crack for some unknown reason, and are uncooperative. They are the only remaining people you need in on the plan, so it is taking too much time and effort on your part. Not that Jackson is not worth it, but the headache is just a bitch to deal with. "It really isn't so I ask you to kindly fuck off, Jackson. I don't need you patronizing me right now."

"Hey," he says firmly, his jaw heavy set. "I'm not doing anything, so don't take your shit out on me."

Ah, shit.

"Jacks—"

"Is it because I'm taking much of your time?"

"What?"

"Is it because I'm taking your time away to be with Mark?"

Your jaw drops. "Excuse me?"

"You think I don't see how you spend your time with him? How close you two seem to be nowadays?"

Aw, hell no.

"Jackson, no. What the fuck?"

"No, no. It's okay. You don't need to explain, you know? If you want to be with Mark-hyung, it's fine. I'm not gonna stand in the way."

"What are you talking about? Are you saying I'm cheating on you?" you ask in disbelief.

Jackson shakes his head. "I'm saying that if you want to be with him, you don't need to start picking fights just so we can break up." His eyes turn sad. "I'll let you go, you just have to ask."

Your chest hurts at that, stirring up old feelings you thought you'd never be able to feel again. "And you're gonna let me go, just like that?"

Silence.

You laugh humorlessly. "Wow. And you think of me that way, too."

"[Name]—"

"No." You thank whatever fuck there is that you had the foresight to book a separate room to plan your surprise (not that you sleep in it, with you opting to always sleep beside Jackson since arriving) and take your bag from the chair by the window of the suite.

"Thank you for clearing that shit up. At least I know now where I stand."

Jackson grasps your wrist delicately. "Sweetheart—"

You pull your wrist away from him. "Don't 'sweetheart' me, Jackson." He stops at the sight of the brimming tears in your eyes, the hurt painted in it.

"I trusted you with shit, you knew how I abhor those things you accuse me of. You knew how I hated my mom because of the things she did, and yet you dared think I am like her."

"I didn't—"

"Yes, you did, Jackson. Because if you only knew how full I am of you since the day I let those bastards go from my life." You sniff. "It's only and always been you, you, and you. Everyone knew that; everyone knows that."

"I don't—"

"Yeah, you don't. So I'll spare you the time and just leave you be. I never plan to force myself into something or someone, and I don't plan to start now."

Jackson tries to refute that it isn't the case, but you slam the door shut in his face behind you before he can even get a word in.

[ah, these kids. what do i do with you two?]

Jackson looks at the door you just slammed shut in his face, then to the dresser in his suite that you never opened. You two had always been intertwined, but you always gave him his space and privacy. He walks towards it, opens it, and takes the velvet box with the sparkling ring in it.

All I can say is you two are idiots, and everyone will agree with me.

---

"You what?!"

You grumble, shielding your bottle away from Mark. "Please don't shout at me, I'm already having a hard time as it is." You try to pull off your pitiful face, but Mark only makes his own face at you.

To be fair, Mark finds you pitiful, but not in that way. And he kind of wants to punch Jackson in the face right now too because seriously, you and Mark? It's like him and his sisters, what the actual fuck?

He can't blame the man, however. Everyone in the circle knows how Jackson has been wounded by the relationships he was in before, so it's easier for him to switch to defense mode. Jackson has always been prone to leave before he gets left when he feels like the other party is slowly losing interest.

But the dumbass has always been prone to the dumbest dumbassery in the group. And this? This takes the cake, Mark could roll his eyes to heaven.

"And you didn't bother to, I don't know, explain shit to him?" he asks with the patience of a saint.

You pout. You had the audacity to pout and Mark feels the patience slowly slipping away from him. "No. It's not gonna be a surprise anymore if I do."

Holy fuck.

"Are you shitting my dick right now?" he mutters. You only snort and Mark pulls away the bottle from you.

"Hey!"

"Listen to me. It's not gonna be a surprise anymore if you two break up because there'll be no one to surprise. You know he is a dumbass and you decided to be a dumbass too?"

"Hey! He accused me first! I didn't accuse him anything when he shot that sexy ass shoot with the ashes and stuff—"

"—Cruel." Mark supplies helpfully.

"Yes, that. I didn't do that with the main dancer when they've been cute and friendly and shit off cam, and yet he accuses me with you." You belch and gag, and Mark steps away slightly from you to avoid any impending projectile vomiting. "Like 'ew'."

"I agree with you, but how dare you, bitch? Are you saying I'm 'ew'?"

You level him with a look as much as you can with your drunk face, and Mark has never had the urge to headlock a woman before.

"Anyway," you say forlornly, "at least I know where we stand now." You sniff, and Mark feels bad for you (a little).

"No, you really don't. I thought that by now, you would know how he is."

"You weren't there when he said it!" You burst out angrily. "He means it! Do you know how it feels standing there and being practically told that he knows I'll leave him for other people, and that he'll let me?" You burp loudly again. "Me, of all people? When he knew how I detest that shit. With all the things I went through?"

And then you burst into ugly sobs.

[ah, jackson. you really are one dumbass.]

"Hey, hey, no," Mark says, wrapping his arms around you. "Don't cry. You're not allowed to cry. Doctor Im told you you're still healing; you're not even allowed to drink."

"Yet here I am," you say with a shaky laugh that morphs into another sob. "Again."

You're not sure if you're just talking about drinking or the fact that you're on the brink of losing yourself again over lost relationships. It's tiring, really. But it is what it is, as they say.

"Can you—can you please get my bag?" you ask Mark. "By the door, tossed it earlier," you slur.

You've never really shown Mark the ring you want to propose to Jackson with. Mark assumed that it is flashy, and you're never one for flashy things, so you're embarrassed about it.

That's not it, however. Completely the opposite, actually. The engagement ring is totally simple, a silver band encrusted with small diamonds on top. The only flashy thing about it is the bigger diamond heart in the center and the smaller gems that surround it on both sides.

The smaller gems are the highlights, you think. You took them from the necklace with both the birthstones that were gifted by Jackson to you during your first year anniversary and had them cut delicately to fit the ring you had in mind. On the right heart side are your birthstones, while on the left are Jackson's. You know some might find it too feminine, and Jackson might not be able to wear it that much in his line of work, but the ring is the most beautiful thing you have ever created in your life.

And now, Jackson won't be able to see it. That thought brings you to a fresh round of tears.

"Too girly, isn't it?" You ask Mark, who is silent. "And it should be the other way around—he should be the one asking me to marry him. I still would've asked him to marry me with this, Mark. That's how I don't give a shit. I just wanna marry his ugly face, but now I can't."

"You wanna marry me?" Comes a soft voice behind you and Mark. You jerk away, and Mark gently unwraps his arms around you as Jackson steps forward.

"I'll let you lovebirds talk," Mark says as he pulls away, but your wide eyes (as wide as bloodshot eyes can be) are only trained on Jackson. Mark pats Jackson's shoulder with a low 'we'll talk later', and Jackson only nods. It is silent until Mark closes the door behind him.

"You wanna marry me?" Jackson asks again. "You're gonna ask to marry me, [Name]?"

You can only nod, your eyes shut as your tears don't stop falling.

"Stay here," he only says. It's not like you're going anywhere, so you stay put. However, when five minutes turn to fifteen, then to twenty, you start to think that Jackson has either gone to sleep or gone off to god knows where. Before you can even think about getting up and running after him, the door to your suite opens.

"Come here, stand up." Jackson takes your hand and helps you stand up. He wipes your face with his hand, then with the cold cloth that someone hands him (whom you recognize is one of his staff). Other staff start to fuss over you as someone turns on the overhead lights.

"Wait, what?" you ask as someone starts to powder your face. "What's happening?"

You turn to Jackson, who's being ushered into a suit. You are ushered yourself by the few staff he had roped into helping into the other room to change into a tulle sweetheart dress.

"We're getting married."

---

"So, Jackson..." You hear the host through the speakers start his next question as you wait backstage with Mark. Even with the elopement, you're still going through with your plan.

That other plan.

"No," Mark says flatly. "You're not backing out of this."

Here we go again, but this time, Mark is a little less pissed and more exhausted with your shenanigans.

"No, I'm just saying. Maybe I should do this in private instead? This is the equivalent of putting a girl on the spot with marriage proposals, which, for the record, I absolutely detest because fuck having choice and not cornering them into whatever they want, right?"

"While I do agree with you, he'll pee his pants and probably hump you if you do this than to be put off, trust me," Mark says. "And besides, everything is ready. All it needs is the execution."

Mark has a point.

Before you can wimp out again, you hear your name being called to an uproar of cheers. You're lucky Jackson's fanbase is mostly supportive of your relationship since you two came out a few years ago, though it is not without some minor hiccups and a few outrage from the unsupportive ones. What matters however is you lucked out, and you can never be more grateful.

"[Name] [Last Name], ladies and gentlemen!" You hear the host say as you see Jackson's blinding grin when you step out from the backstage.

Oh, you swoon. My smitten darling [Name].

Steady, girl.

"So, Miss [Last Name]—"

"It's Mrs. Wang, actually." You hear gasps from the audience, and Jackson's blinding grin turns lovelier and wider. "We actually got married in secret, and you forgot this at home." You hand him his ring as you grin mischievously.

"Okay, Peeta Mellark." Jackson rolls his eyes good-naturedly as he slips on his ring. "What a way to break it to them."

"My, my." The host fans himself with a wide smile. "Is this what you meant when you told me you'll be getting me a high rating?"

"I hope so," you say sheepishly. "If it doesn't, then no worries. I still have another trick in my hat. Don't you worry."

You look at Jackson and can't help but laugh inwardly at his clueless smile.

Oh, dear.

The interview goes without a hitch, with it mostly centered on your married life. You were originally nervous about how it would turn out, but it had been so far so good. Nobody threw shoes, and all that happened was a little 'booooo' when asked if you had had your honeymoon yet (which not yet, because you were both busy for a while after his tour).

"So, [Name]," the host asks again with a little waggle of his eyebrows. "What is this other trick of yours you mentioned earlier?"

Ah, shit. Here we go.

"Ah." Your smile turns a little serene, and you see Jackson sit up straighter in his seat. Nobody would notice it if they are not in tune with him, but he practically owns your whole soul, and you'd like to think that you do his, too, so you notice it.

"Have I told you my story about my soulmates?"

The host shakes his head. "Pray, do tell."

"Well, not everyone gets lucky with theirs. Everyone knows that." You smile sadly, the audience turning quiet.

"Yes, of course. A very sad fact that everyone is very well acquainted with." The host smiles sympathetically at you.

"I used to think it was the end of the world when mine didn't want anything to do with me. I kept thinking that something was wrong with me, that maybe I was really not worth their time. That maybe I was meant to suffer and die hurting."

You pause, then you look at Jackson. "But then I realize, I have you," you say softly.

You look back at the host.

"What more can I ask for when I have him?"

Your smile turns happier as the audience lets out a quiet 'aww'.

"I really like doing things unconventional and my way so..."

You bite your lower lip as you look once again at Jackson, who has his eyes trained on you and hanging on to every word you say.

"Would you give me the honor of being my forever soulmate, Jackson?"

It was like a time warp. The moment he said yes, cheers erupted, and everything blurred and warped in your ears. All your fears, all the hurt and pain? It was gone.

This is your happy ending, you deserve it, my dear [Name].

Go live it.

---

Meanwhile, somewhere a thousand miles away, a group of young men smile sadly at what could have been, and what was lost. Their chests perpetually ache with the loss of a piece of a soul they can never get back.

[rubyvhs]

remedy (v) — sam winchester

> prev, masterlist

summary: you deal with the aftermath of dean’s visit and your outing with sam, it goes half-way according to plan — tags: underage!reader, 22 year old!sam, med student!fem!reader, cursing, said shorter but it’s a ‘jared’ shorter, he’s 6’4.

“Are you…” Sam sighs and you can hear how tired he is, “are you okay?” Today’s been a lot for him. Dean made another appearance after Sam thought it was over, both of you came back to the apartment for a reason— so maybe you’re thinking of yourself a little, but still it’s been stressful for him.

And you just slammed the door in his face. “Changing.”

“The clothes are out here.” You curse at yourself and purse your lips. You open the door slightly, just enough to see Sam’s face, his long tousled hair, and him holding out the pile of clothes to you. You snatch them from his hand and shut the door again. 

They fit well, Sam’s only a couple of inches taller than you so it’s almost okay, the shirt’s a little too long but the pants are sweats so with a tight knot, they hang low enough that it looks cute.

You exhale shakily before opening the door and then letting out a breath of relief that he’s not here. You fold your clothes and put them on Gen’s desk, right next to her books, and take out your phone.

It might seem pathetic, a little childish, but come on, you’re spending the night with Sam, you have the right to be those things to Jess.

You: I’m staying over.

Jess: Over my dead fucking body.

You: Just sleeping. In gen’s room.

Jess: Girl that’s even sadder.

You: Not a word, whore.

Jess: Is so, slut (for Sam).

You: Not funny, Jess. Don’t tell Gen anything, okay? Besides i'm here for Sam, he wants me to stay.

It sounds even more feeble actually typed out.

Jess: Why doesn’t he go talk to lily?

You: He said they’re not together.

Jess: BITCH YOU TALKED TO HIM ABOUT IT?

You: How is that a bad thing?

Jess: IT'S PATHETIC AND DESPERATE!!! I’m going to kill you when I see you.

You shut your phone off and hide it underneath your pillow. Everything will work itself out, with Sam and Dean and Jess and freakin finals that you have next week. You finished anatomy which means there’s physiology and biochemistry 104 left for next week. Which you’ve hardly opened having just finished your histology exam. 

Someone— Sam, obviously— knocks on the door and you tuck your hair behind your ear before saying he could come in. Sam’s brushed his own down, it looks much calmer than it’s usual ‘let it be’ hairstyle he has going for him. He shuts the door behind him— is the air getting thin?

“Look, you say the word and I’ll drive you back home—”

“What? Where’s this coming from?” He raises one eyebrow and takes a step towards you, flustering you so fast, just the way he takes his steps, stares into your eyes, and you stare at your fingers in your lap.

“You slamming the door in my face, you sleeping in Gen’s room, and now you’re not even looking at me, so if you don’t want this—”

“What is this, though?” Your voice drops, slow and cautious. “What is it? Are we…”

He walks over to where you’re sitting, sits down in front of you and reaches one hand out to brush his thumb over your knuckles, “We can’t figure that out if you keep acting like this. And I really like you when you’re not being like— when you aren’t acting scared and shy. You’re the most thoughtful friend, kind.”

“Right, but as a… not-friend, I guess; it wouldn’t work out.”

He shakes his head quickly, “That’s not what I’m saying. It would work if you stopped being so afraid! Of me, or what’s going to happen! Whatever you’re scared of, just don’t be.”

“That’s stupid, Sam,” you pull your fingers away from him so his hand is laying on your lap, barely on your thigh and you keep staring at it, not looking him in the eye quite yet, “being cautious is what helps me stay happy and whole, you know? The second I let my guard down—”

“What? What do you think is gonna happen?”

“I haven’t even known you that long! It’s been three weeks.” He scoffs like that’s the lamest excuse he’s heard in his life and his hand is no longer on your thigh, only God knows where it is because you’re definitely not looking up to see.

“If you don’t look at me while we’re talking then this’ll never fucking work.” The anger in his voice burned like a wildfire inside of you, consuming. it's terrifying how well it works as you involuntarily look up at him. 

It’s not that you’re scared of Sam or that you can’t maintain eye contact, you’ve done so various times, but this feels different, like he’ll dive into your soul if you look into his eyes for too long.

“Sam, I’m not being dramatic about this,” you reinforce, harsher this time, because you know what you feel, and he won’t make it seem small and insignificant. It isn’t. This is exactly what’s helped you avoid heartbreak for the past seventeen years.

“I’m not sayin’ you are. But being scared, nervous, whatever, about this is what makes it worth it. I’m not rushing you, if you wanna take it slower, we will, but I need to know how you feel, otherwise someone’s gonna get hurt and it’ll be because you didn’t tell me what you want right now. You gotta talk to me.”

His eyes up-close are easier to read. He’s desperate for answers, you’d assume that easily with the kind of day he had; filled with questions. You let his name slip with a groan as your head falls back. This is… a lot. But when you look back at him, he isn't deterred, his eyes are still searching yours for an answer.

“I have so many questions though—”

“Ask.”

“Lily.” It comes out before you can stop it but you don’t have time for regret.

“Just a friend. You have to trust me if this is going to work.” Calling your non-relationship this is apperantly the default name.

“I do trust you,” Risky considering you just met him, “but you never told me about the hangouts. You guys go out alone.”

“She’s top of the class, it helps to study with her.” Apparently that’s something you’ll have to get used to, him hanging around other girls. No questions come to mind after that, except maybe the most obvious one. That’s bothering both of you. 

“Sam—”

“I’ll wait. If you want me to wait for six months, I will.” You tilt your head in confusion, “I like you, a lot, and if my age bothers you then I’ll wait as long as you want. But you will not use it as a reason against us.”

It's probably all you’ve ever wanted your whole life. Being the youngest in your classes, in college, in basically everything you’ve ever participated in has always made you think you’re less than you are. You can’t be successful because you’re too young, it’s okay to fail because you still have years to catch up— it’s insulting and honestly just fucking annoying. 

But it’s still not that easy, even if you want to be with Sam people will talk. You don’t look seventeen, but you are, and you’re friends know so, since you don’t have a license. You’ll get the looks and talks you don’t want to even come near but it’s inevitable. 

It’s worth it. Sam is worth it.

“Yeah let’s, can we take it slow? Just for a while, so I can understand this before we decide to get into it.” You don’t date for the hell of it but while you’re not naive enough to think you’ll marry Sam, your heart needs time to catch up.

He nods with a small smile, finally. “How slow is slow?”

Great question. How slow is kissing? Probably slow enough, you think as you lean in, your lips inches apart. His eyes do that thing again, eyes, lips, eyes. And you’re praying he’ll finally do something— Sam crashes his lips onto yours. When you didn’t immediately pull away, he tilted his head and deepens the kiss, slipping his tongue out to slide over your bottom lip. 

When he doesn’t get the reaction he wants, he bites your bottom lip but it’s so faint you wouldn’t feel it if your whole body wasn’t invested, which it is, so you comply, pushing your lips apart to give him access. His hands run up your thighs and to your waist, pulling you closer slowly so you don’t crash your teeth together. It’s slow but deep and feverish and needy. 

When he pulls away for a second and shuts his lips closed you shudder, involuntarily chasing his lips before you feel his hands slip under your thighs and he lifts you onto his lap, then moves so he’s in your place with his back against the headboard. 

He doesn’t go back to immediately kissing you, instead pulls back a little further, one hand on your waist, the other coming up to your hair, his eyes taking you in so completely you might as well be naked. “What?”

“You’re gorgeous,” You pout. That’s… sweet. Too sweet. You guys should go back to kissing. So you nod once and try to lean back in, he lets you, indulges you in a kiss. Two, three seconds then he pushes back using the hand that’s holding your head, treading his fingers through your hair. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, ‘s cute, thanks.” He shakes his head, obviously not buying it. “Just… i don’t know, it’s weird hearing it from a guy.”

“That you’re attractive? Are you joking?” You shrug and try to look around for something to do. Is it normal to have full on conversations when you’re trying to make out? “Beautiful.” He says it with a breath, like it’s consuming him “Every part of you.” He whispers that part while his eyes run over your figure up and down. 

“Okay… so kiss me?” He laughs a little and with your hands on his chest you can feel the vibrations distinctly, making you forget your question which allows a gasp to escape when his lips pull yours in. 

You can’t believe you’re kissing Sam. You can’t believe that you’re taller than him in this position. He’s the one pulling you down to get to him. Incredible. Everything about him and this.

He tests the water again before slipping his tongue into your mouth and it causes a more visceral reaction; you pull away suddenly and his eyes instantly snap open. “You okay? Was that too fast?”

No just… weird? Are you supposed to do that for him? Yeah, no way, man. You’re not a prude (kinda), you’ve watched things here and there, a woman has her needs, but this? Kissing? Not the internet’s biggest interest. 

“Sam, you know this is like— you’re my first. Ever.” Oh. Okay. So maybe he didn’t know. His face is suggesting he, infact, did not know. “Like I mean, not, maybe—” You’re making it worse.

“You’re making it worse.” He sighs and his head falls back to slam quietly against the headboard. He looks tired, but takes back his words the second he says them regardless. “‘M sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Just— you should’ve told me. I didn’t know.”

“Well, I thought I’d make it obvious the second the kiss starts, honestly.”

“Wouldn’t have guessed,” he mutters through half-lidded eyes, fingers still playing with your hair. He’s better at not freaking out about your pop-up facts, now. “Was it okay? For your first time?”

You nod quickly, “Yes, the best.” You lean down and press another kiss. It’s unhurried, and just the surface, but still so meaningful it fills your heart beyond belief. “You’re the best— but since we’re on the topic, you know that I’m a virgin too, right?” You add the last part just in case. Just in case.

“Yeah, baby, I know,” He’s probably extra tired if he’s calling you that. He should really stop if he wants you to keep it that way. “Wasn’t gonna do anything tonight, anyways. We’re waiting, right?”

“Do you want to do something tonight?” You’re not sure why you’re asking. You’re not ready. Mentally or physically. He shakes his head anyways and you let out a sigh of relief and practically slump your shoulders. He chuckles and tries to sit up.

“That bad? Then why’d you ask?”

“No not bad, ‘s just that I’m not ready yet.”

“We’re never going to do anything you’re not ready for, you know that. You shouldn’t do anything just ‘cause I want to.” You know that, it’s basically the only staple in your life considering how much of a people-pleaser you used to be back in high school. 

“Okay, yeah.” Your smile is wide despite all the highs and damn lows of today, you ended it on Sam’s lap, making out (on Gen’s bed), how the hell are you supposed to be sad about that? Not happening. But you are concerned for Sam’s health so you slide out of his grip and sit next to him instead. He faces you.

“You’re exhausted, Sam. Go to sleep.” It’s not a demand, but he seems to take it as one because he yawns and slips further into the bed. “In here?” You let out and immediately glue your lips shut.

“You want me to leave?” He’s asking but he’s also getting comfortable at the same time. So you shake your head and make a move to get out of the bed when he starts slightly, a wave of guilt washing over him, so clear on his face. “I’ll go, just give me a minute—”

“I’m just getting the lights, Sam.” You feel him sag with relief and you mirror it out of joy. You get the lights and take a moment to collect yourself then get in the bed next to him, slowly tucking yourself under the covers. You try not to touch him and he doesn’t exactly have time to comment because he’s out in a minute. 

Jess: Like a cheap whore. 

You wish you could text Jess back to shut up and that that isn’t what happened but that’s a lie— it’s exactly how it happened. You left the next morning before Sam woke up, leaving his clothes in a neatly folded pile in his living room. She must’ve checked your location. 

You: How’d you know he’s asleep? 

You text back as you pass another coffee shop on your way home. It’s only a thirty minute walk, good enough for you to think and collect your thoughts before Sam inevitably calls.

Jess: I didn’t but you confirmed it. On your way?

You: Yes.

Jess: Coffee bitch!! Gen wants matcha. 

You shut your phone off after putting your AirPods in. You’ll bring them their coffee and tell them all the details but now you need to think. Collect. Recollect. Organize.

And you will, you are. Because you’re not hiding from Sam, you’re not running away or ignoring him, you need space, like you often do, so you don’t get emotional. That, and waking up next to someone is too intimate for you so maybe a little bit of running.

But you didn’t do it just for him, you wanted to see if you’d be able to do it, be comfortable enough to sleep next to him. And despite the answer being ‘maybe?’, you would do it again. 

“Glucose is converted to glycogen, glycogenesis—” Another yawn. The sixth time in maybe just this hour and you pull your phone out to find something a little more entertaining for just a few minutes. Your brain is going to seriously retaliate if you don’t immediately get a break.

Sam: Hey, how are you?

Sam: Classes?

Your breath hitches as you stare at your Lock Screen, the little messages under his name sending a current through your entire body.  Despite the constant texting these past weeks it feels different now. You kissed. Yesterday. And you left without saying anything.

His text was sent five minutes ago so you suck it up and text right away.

You: Yes, I’m in class right now. Sorry I didn’t wanna wake you up.

Sam: It’s okay, but you should’ve, wanted to say bye.

Oh, that’s sweet. 

Sam: Be careful and text me when you’re done I wanna talk.

You: Okay. I’m done by three.

Nothing bad could possibly come out of this, you’ve already done the biggest part and he told you that he likes you. Straight up just said it and that he wants to make a relationship between you two work. Nothing else bad can come out of that.

Sam: Meet me at the cafe in front of the gate?

He wants to meet up? Now? No way, youre half out of your mind and if someone doesn’t drop you onto a bed at this moment, you will be throwing hands. You barely slept a wink in that bed, no matter how warm and there Sam was next to you, it didn’t calm you down as much as you thought it would. You still got to sleep, just not enough, a few hours considering you kept waking up every hour to check that he’s still asleep and make sure you’re not dreaming.

You: Okay.

The monologue was helpful and very true, but there’s no way you’re rejecting him when you want to talk just as much as he does, if not more.

“—and so it’s back to its normal set point. This is what we call negative feedback mechanism.” 

You might need a tutor, though.

“Hey, mum.” Your heart softens hearing her voice blare through the phone. So much background noise, your siblings, but she’s laughing as she asks how you’ve been. “Great, I’m okay. How are you guys? I know I haven’t been checking in lately, ‘s my fault.”

She asks about your grades and how studying is going and you tell her the truth, you’re a little distracted today but other than that everything’s okay, that earns you a lecture, that you cut short when you see Sam approaching your table. You already ordered a redbull for yourself and since you didn’t know what sam wanted you got water.

“Love you so much more.” You smile and shut your phone off as you stand up to greet him and he hugs you, his cologne penetrating everything at this point. Did he always smell this good because God, how? “I’m sorry I’ve just been tired so I got it— do you wanna order?” 

He shakes his head and you both sit down opposite to each other as you try and drown your drink. He looks like he wants to say something and you’re not sure anymore whether or not this is ‘nothing’ like you tried to convince yourself. 

“How’s school? Do you have classes today?”

“No, no, just a project meet up tonight—” With Lily, probably. He takes his phone out to put down on the table as it rings loudly to show a notification. “But you left, sweetheart. So I wanted to ask you about that.”

“I had class.”

“Your class starts at one, you left way before that.” How’d he know that? “Yesterday, did I make you uncomfortable?” You hate this. Two steps forward, one step back. You kissed, you thought that meant you could do more but you can’t and you have no idea why you lied to yourself.

“No.”

“Then what’s wrong?” You shrug and take another sip. “Yesterday we were tired and it was late so if you did something you regret or if you don’t mean what you said—”

“What? No, I meant it. Why, did you not mean it? You said you’d wait.” It’s moments like these where you regret having the ability to speak. Jumping to conclusions and deciding things for everyone has been your default. You’re a control freak, it’s the least you do. 

“You’re the one who’s not talking!” He says, a little loud and exasperated which forced you to lean back in your seat. “You said you want this to work so you have to open up to me.” He’s making it sound like a school project.

“It’s just how I am, I don’t like airing out every single thought and feeling I have.” And then, because if there’s one thing you know how to do it's setting boundaries, “If you don’t like that, Sam, then just go.”

He sighs and shakes his head. “I want to be here but— okay, so, I’ll recap what happened. Before we slept we said we’d try to take it slow, but that you wanted me. I wanted you.” Wanted? “I want to be with you,” he says strictly, “and then I wake up and you’re back to how you were two days ago. Closed off.”

“I’m not closed off, I tell you everything. I told you I had class, and I was tired so I got a redbull.”

“Are you hearing yourself?” He says with a laugh, a little amused and thankfully, less irritated, “you told me you’re tired? I don’t mean that kind of stuff, baby, I wanna know why you left early. I’m not accusing you of anything, I just want to be there for you. You think about things way too hard and they spin out of control, and I can see it, but I just don’t know where it comes from. You need to clue me in.”

He said ‘baby’ again, and this time he isn’t sleepy. Maybe he deserves a little bit of your thoughts. It isn’t like you’re actively keeping him out, it’s just too much for a lot of people.

“Sam, I don’t mean to be closed off but I think a lot, and it’s just, I don’t know, I guess high maintenance for some people. You don’t need to know every single thing.”

“I’m not saying every single thing about your entire life, but maybe just about us for now?” Maybe time stops, maybe it doesn't, maybe you’re hearts behind it, but when you face him again it’s a different expression than before. He’s frowning at you like the answer means the world to him and you can’t help but feel guilty and enamored by how fucking beautiful he actually is. And he likes you? It’s getting harder to accept by the moment. 

Contrary to popular belief you are not just a control freak. You’re also an over-thinker with self-sabotaging tendencies that could last you three lifetimes, but you just can’t find it in yourself to do anything to hurt Sam. You just can’t. With those jutted lips and sparkling eyes.

Do his eyes always sparkle like that?

His laugh coerces you out of your daydream and— when did he move his chair closer? “Answer me, then we’ll talk about whatever you want.”

Including his eyes?

“Yes.” You should invest in tape if you’re going to start blurting out your thoughts. 

“I wasn’t uncomfortable but I need space sometimes. I get overwhelmed easily and I don’t mean it in a bad way but my mind just organizes things better when I’m alone.” He nods, looks down at your hand on the table and takes it in his, it jolts you and you look up at him. “And— sometimes holding me or just touching me overwhelms me and if I ask you to stop it isn’t because of you.”

“Like now?”

You shake your head quickly, pressing your fingers into his to assure him. “No, not now.”

“Yesterday?” You answer no and he smiles. “So you just needed to think?”

“Yes.”

“And you thought doing all of this was better than just telling me that you needed time to think.” Well, when you put it like that… “Can I kiss you?”

“What?” 

“Can I kiss you?” You should probably think about this logically before you answer— who will see you and stuff, but you’re nodding yes and he’s leaning in faster than your mind can comprehend.

It’s short, and when you pull away, you’re still so close, “so you’re not mad?”

“I’ll never be mad if you tell me how you feel or what you need.” Hell of a promise to keep, Winchester.

“Jess, come on, you know me!” The argument is a futile one, and you’re aware of it.

“I know, and that's why I'm so disappointed. You slept at his house? On my girlfriend's bed?” Right, so maybe you left the important details out like you’re make-out session in the middle of the night and both of you decide to take it slow but ultimately are in a relationship. Speaking of, this means exclusive, right? Fuck, you should’ve asked. 

“That’s— whatever! I didn’t do anything stupid, don’t worry.” Biggest understatement of the century but you just can’t bring yourself to tell her anything yet. Besides, you have exams soon and that seems like a much more important task to focus on.

“Look, babe, I’m not saying I’m angry, but you promised you’d be careful.”

“I was!”

“No you’re not. You get attached easily, and you love way too fast— Sam can control himself! If you two stop talking tomorrow he wouldn’t feel the same way you would.” It fucking burns more than anything in the world to hear it from Jess. Especially from her. Possibly because she knows you best and it would mean that what she’s saying is true, and you’re not ready to face that.

She’s right, though, and you’ve always known it. But it isn’t like that with Sam— it hasn’t been like that since you came to college. Not that Jess was with you before it but you’ve told her almost everything about you, past and present, so her words come from a place of analyzation. And love.

“I’m different now. And he’s different.”

She shrugs, moving closer, a hand on both your shoulders, “I couldn’t care less about Sam,” lie, “but I will not allow anyone to hurt you. Ever.”

And it shouldn’t be that comforting considering she’s only a twenty one year old woman who’s never had a stable job in her life and hasn’t talked to her parents in two years, but it is. It’s the most comfort you've felt the whole week, and you bring her in for a hug because of it.

For all her advice, she’s wrong about one thing. You’re not all-in with Sam. You’re scared, fucking petrified of what this could lead to, but you’re not in high school anymore, your responsibilities aren’t just ‘study and maybe get a top grade’. In uni you can very easily get kicked off— and outside of school, you have to go back home in a month. Unlike your hopeless romantic fourteen-year-old self, you’re aware of your goals. 

And maybe you can’t say it out loud to Jess yet, but you’re proud of yourself for recognizing it within yourself.  part six; baby, don’t get it twisted.

title: love notes by alexa cirri

prompt: person a: ‘come on, you know me!’ person b: ‘I know, and that's why I'm so disappointed.’ from @alphabetquest !!

they finally kissed!!!!! Is this the beginning of their relationship?? I’ve had too much angst for now so I’m thinking next chapter they just cuddle the whole time. comment if you wanna be tagged!

tag list:

@angzls @chxrrybomb22 @pinkpantheris @ang3ldool @iloveragdollcats 

@oohjana18294 @user-2538484747490203746579403 @wattpaduser200 @s0urw00lf @ashlynyyyyy

@strabarrybat @anu-piyakya97 @tranquilitybasegrunge

[muskmelon-enjoyer-199x]

top 10 songs for the past month or so (but i did 12 because)

@turbulentornado tagged me to do this, but I was working and then houseworking and never got around to it! in no particular order and just kind of taken from memory because some of them aren't on streamings, plus dumb commentary...

dumbest girl alive - 100 gecs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bkk7Q0ksDbU fresh anthem material

the most wanted person in the united states - 100 gecs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m3SjpKiuuk more gecs because i love laura les

if you can't hang - sleeping with sirens https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK3-THzzSTE it really was not phase, sorry

thank you for the venom - my chemical romance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBjG91rPzd0 it REALLY was not a phase (anthem, but maybe not the way gerard way meant it to be)

teenage dirtbag - wheatus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2caLzIVzyiw sometimes i feel like francis from malcolm in the middle but not as cool and also i'm not a dude. those brothers are fashion icons and i want like all of those long-sleeve tees reese used to wear

dummy - twikipedia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkZCHJOJOGM dummy...

special - 8485 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCWY6ES9qxQ yeah...

i can fix him - gezebelle gaburgably https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSpr6M_xkHQ it is 105F outside, I just got off a double shift in a kitchen with a broken AC, and my shirt got gross so i'm driving with the windows down screeching this in my sports bra. i have a little chinese aux cord speaker sitting in the cupholder because there is no aux input in my car and the cd player is broken. one of the pieces in the speaker is busted so it's putting out the most jank garagecore mono sound possible. anyways...

i just want my son back - fwuppy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLdhAj9dack hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i threw glass at my friend's eyes and now i'm on probation - destroy boys https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50Y3-09AlxE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ;_;

jisatsu girl - melody_xo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JbVwXXmG1g sometimes it is just like that

u have attitude - sewerperson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feCnPG9fvfs yeah

honorable mentions:

frog on the floor - 100 gecs

nineteen - tegan and sarah

1:15 - 8485

heat seeking ghost of sex - dance gavin dance

word salad - destroy boys

nothing left -no cops for miles

i forgot to take my meds today - prince daddy and the hyena

i don't want to work - dumb as rocks

i don't have many people on here so i'm just going to tag my other mutual @slappappy lmao

[whitherwordswither]

Logs from the Starfields, II

Captain's Log #0.02:

Turns out the planet I wanted to go survey is a bit out of range. And a bit over my current level of expertise. Which is a shame. I wanted to get out there a ways. Away from folks. Guess that will have to wait, eh?

So I decided to head back to one of the first rocks I dropped down on. (Y'know. The one where I accidently blew up the spacers that wanted my ship.) I scanned a few things there and I really hate not having all the data once I start collecting it. Might as well mosey on back and tidy up! But wouldn't you know it. Not two seconds in to orbit and I get a hauler buzzing up my comm line with a warning. Saying shit's gone to shit in the nearby Altair system. Altair II specifically. Sounds like some folks in dire need of help against more brutish spacers.

Now. We're all out here trying to do our best. Why do folks gotta try and ruin everything by murderin' and bein' all fuck-headed like? I don't understand it. You get farther workin' together for a common goal, don'cha? …Well, I ain't got nothing better to do right now. Besides, I could use the loot. And helpin' folks is a thing I enjoy. So I guess I'm headin' in to that mess. It's just like maw always used to say: "Plans change, sometimes often. You just need to know when to roll." -- So I rolled.

Helluva lot of blockheads murdering up this research outpost. I don't take kindly to that. I drop out of orbit and insert myself in to this shitshow. The facility is pretty large. Definitely took a beating. They'll be cleaning this up for a long while. I help myself to whatever the dead spacers are carrying and… well. It's chaos in here, so I also help myself to whatever looks valuable around the facility. Ain't like whoever is left alive here is going to know it's gone.

I find some survivors and make sure they can keep on survivin'. That's always a good feelin'. Once I got the outpost cleared, they mentioned a sister camp had gone dark. And since I'm the only organism with a ship… welp. More helpin' ain't never hurt no one. E-specially if you're good up on meds and sandwiches!

It was a bit of a trek, even after touching down closer to the camp. Cold as the Ice Queen's balls, too. I'll definitely need to get myself some better environmental protection when I'm able. But that's a future-me thing to do. Right-now-me has a good handful of goons to take down. Nothing a few well placed projectiles from a distance couldn't fix. But dang if it ain't an encore they're after! Soon as I made sure the surviving scientists were good to go, the folks back at the main facility are yammering for me to get on back to 'em. More shit for the fans. So, up and down again we go.

The compound is swarming with spacers, eager guns blasting. No wonder they were hollering for me. I help clear out two dropships worth of reinforcements. And they still got more spacer ass that needs roasting! This time, they've got eyes on ships near Altair I and V. Three vessels in orbit near each planet. Well. Can't leave a job unfinished, can we? Gonna need a long drink after this, I can tell… (A nice flavored decaf coffee, or somethin', mind ya. I gave up drinkin' the heavy stuff a while ago for personal reasons. And regular coffee gives me awful nauseous jitters. I ain't got time for that.)

I take my ship up and make the rounds. Nasty fire fight. If I was any less capable at the helm I might've had a real bad time… but I make do. Barely. Guess I got a little luck on my side. Ain't comin' to see ya yet, maw!

Once I'm finished plucking worthwhile components from the wreckage I plop back down on Altair II just to make sure everything is decent like. And it is. We're all grateful to be alive. I wish 'em well and haul my loot-overloaded ass back up in to the stars and make a bee-line for New Atlantis.

Time to get some repairs, some sleep and… see how much cred we can get for this junk.

End log.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part IX

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, all characters are adults.

Words: 1574.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V |  Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

________

You didn't know what else to say, feeling ashamed. Who cared about your family circumstances? Definitely not Steve Rogers, a man you met just a couple of weeks ago and who knew nothing about you. Why did you say something like that in the first place?

You didn't wanna look at his face and see him feeling guilty because he didn't know how to comfort you. You didn't need to be comforted. You didn't need anything at all. It was just a simple cold, right?

Despite that, you suddenly started talking from beneath your blankets, "I have a younger brother. When he was born, we found out he was having severe asthma. His childhood was terrible, he had constantly been sick, I remember him being in and out the hospital all the time. Of course, because of his condition, my parents spent most of the time with him. He was just a little sick kid."

You hated yourself for talking, for showing something to Steve he shouldn't have known because he wasn't your friend, but you couldn't force yourself to stop.

"On the other hand, I am lucky to have good health. I didn't really got very sick, so, well, I didn't need help like my brother. So, I'm used to taking of myself. I'm a big girl, I don't need my mom to dance around me just because I have a cold."

Of course, you didn’t. You were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, and even of Steve didn't show up, you'd be alright by yourself. You'd just take your acetaminophen, and then everything would be ok.

You kept silent, staring at the inside of the blanket and wishing Steve would just disappear, leaving you to your misery. You didn’t see his face, and you were glad you didn't. What he must think about you? That you were craving for his attention like a spoiled kid? Shit, it was so embarrassing. You were an adult, for goodness sake!

"I don't know about you, but when I had a flu sachet, it would make me fall asleep really quick. And when I was feeling sleepy, I would start thinking about the things I loved most because I hoped I would see them in a dream." Instead of feeling ever more ashamed, you listened to Steve's soft voice and thought you were lucky it was him being here with you now. "It actually worked, and I have been having my best dreams when I was asleep, sick. What are the things you love most?"

Surprised, you looked up at him and saw the most gentle expression on a face of a guy you had ever met. Why did he look at you like that? Why was there no pity on his face? Why was it making you cry like you were a ten year old kid? Before he could see anything, you hid beneath the blanket again and kept silent for a couple of moments to calm down.

"I love lemon pies my grandma used to make me, and her garden. She had tomatoes and cabbage and strawberries that smelled like summer. I loved watering them nearly every day because I thought I was a little forest witch who lived in her pretty cottage in the woods."

You didn't know why you were telling him this, but Steve has a strange effect on you. Or was it cold? You had no idea, but it didn’t really matter. All you were thinking about was the way fresh tomatoes smell when you'd leaned down to water them, and the sound of bees flying above strawberry's flowers. Your grandma was taking care of her cabbage - a very capricious guest in her garden - and you could hear her working, cursing grandpa for making the patches too wide in that funny voice of hers. Then she'd stood up, wiped the sweat with the back of her hand, and called you to come back to the cottage because if was time for dinner. You'd run to wash your hands in a barrel of water near the big apple tree when grandma didn't see, and soon you were sitting with her, eating her famous cabbage soup and then having a piece of a lemon pie because you worked so well today.

You could almost feel the taste on the tip of your tongue.

By the time you woke up, Steve was long gone: it was the middle of the night, and instead of him you saw a thermos with a still warm chicken soup on a chair, waiting for you. He sent you a message that you could call him at any time of the day - or night - and that he wanted you to have a bit more sleep to get better. After you had a few more sips of his soup, you fell asleep again, feeling warm and fuzzy.

_______

The weekend went fast. It was the first time in several years you spent so much time in bed. Steve kept appearing at your door from time to time with a new bags of food despite you telling him you had your own, but he always insisted you should it something fresh and warm. Surprisingly, he wasn't the only one at your door: Thor suddenly showed up with his whole team, bringing you notes for the upcoming exams they collected altogether, apparently. Loki sent you a message if you needed anything, and Peter left contacted you on Instagram, leaving you links to games you could play so you wouldn't feel bored. Even Bucky gave you a call, asking if he could come and give you a few packs of Neo Citran for your cold, but you kindly refused: Steve literally brought you a yearly supply of this.

It was strange. Of course, when you were in high school, your friends grew worried about you when you had been sick, but there was nothing else to it. Wasn't it always like this? Nobody came to see you. Nobody brought you soup or gave you meds or anything. Despite feeling embarrassed, you realized you actually liked it when somebody was close to you like that. It was comforting seeing Steve popping up and not having to worry about how pretty you looked: he laughed when he saw you getting all shy because you were in your pyjamas. He said he definitely didn't expect you laying on your bed in an evening gown.

Before you realized it, you were already getting better. It was just a cold, really. Soon your throat was no longer sore, and while you were still sneezing, your temperature dropped down to normal, so on Monday you were ready to come back to school as planned. Funny enough, you no longer cared if you passed your exams, having 100%. You didn’t talk about it with Steve, but Peter was laughing like crazy about that when you told him.

Funny. They no longer looked so scary to you. They were just a couple of boys, weren't they? Regardless all those scary rumors and stuff, they were just guys. Maybe they were weird and stupid and a little bit scary because you didn't know them, they were still alright. Thor said it to you, didn't he?

Monday was Bucky's day, so, once you were done dressing, he nocked at your door: you were feeling a bit shy, watching him in that leather jacket and torn jeans he kept wearing the whole year around, apparently. Barnes looked like a teenage girl's dream. He smelled like cigarettes - although he said he was trying to quit - and pinewood. Just like Thor, he liked to skip classes he didn't enjoy much, but he was smart enough to pass the exams. Funny enough, he had a motorcycle.

Again, you wondered how come girls weren't coming from a city on a bus just to go see him.

"Are you sure you’re feeling better?" He asked you softly. "You can stay home today."

"No, no, I'm perfectly alright, thank you! How are you?" Smiling, you closed the door and hid the key in your bag.

"I'm good, thank you."

He didn't speak much, but as you walked in silence, you thought it was comforting - not talking at all and feeling good about it. While Bucky looked like a scary biker, in fact, his calm and friendly demeanor only helped you relax around him. Besides, it was funny how students seemed to give him way whenever they saw him, and you thought if Steve was the King, then Bucky was the Knight.

Before you went into the your classroom, he suddenly stopped you, "Listen, I wanted to say I have your stuff."

You blinked, "What stuff?"

You didn't give him any of your stuff. Actually, after Steve gathered you all in the student council room, you only met Bucky this morning for the first time.

"The stuff those freaks took. Your... your clothes, I mean." He muttered under his breath, and you gaped at him.

Your underwear. He found your bra and panties those guys took from your room.

"Wait... how?" Staring at Bucky who, apparently, was feeling a bit embarrassed talking about it, you thought how on Earth he got those things.

There was only one way he could, right?

"Bucky, was it you who beat those guys?"

It took him a couple of seconds to turn his face to you and then sigh, "Yes, it was me."

_________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki  @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi @nectav @whatever-happened-to-the-ducks @teabutnerdy ​ @srrymydood @crazylittlereader2474

[crystalessenceswrites]

Hi Again! I was wondering if you wrote for the clones? (I'm thirsting for Wolffe!!) If not, that's ok! And if so, I thought maybe something fluffy and a bit hot with Wolffe? I'm a huge sucker for the trope- Reader tries to hide that she hasn't been feeling well and turns out she's pregnant? With twins! She's scared because even though they're committed, it wasn't planned? And then fluff and some love making?? <3333

Hi lovely, welcome back! I am open to writing for the clones, I just haven’t done so yet! I too thirst for Commander Wolffe so you’re in luck! This trope is def very cute, the end turned out more fluffy than spicy, I hope that's alright.

Commander Wolffe x fem!reader Rating: E (18+) Warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected p in v sex, unplanned pregnancy, swearing (first time writing for Wolffe, may be slightly ooc)

[PART TWO]

There was never enough time. You really should not have been surprised by the revelation, you were at war, but it still sat heavy on your chest. Always needed elsewhere as soon as you completed a mission. Never time to rest, even in transit. Someone always needed your attention for reports, strategic planning or council meetings as the GAR cruiser hurtled through hyperspace. It never left you enough time for him. Thankfully, the stubborn nature of your clone commander allowed him to make time, even if just a spare moment, for the two of you.

“Oh fuck,” you throw your head back against the door as he reaches that spot deep inside you. Pushing you ever closer to the edge. “Wolffe, please-” you’re whining as he grinds up into you, throbbing inside you. He’s always had the uncanny ability to read your body, he knows better than you when you’re close to bliss and he enjoys drawing it out. To think Commander Wolffe was a fucking tease.

“Please what, cyare?” His smug grin slides across your chest following the trail of marks he’s littered across your skin where no one will see. “What does ner jetii need?”

“Please, ‘m so close,” you tighten your legs around his waist, trying to draw him in closer, anything to reach your release, “please, Wolffe!”

He groans into your neck as you tug at the curls fallen loose at the nape of his neck, “well when you ask so nicely, cyare.”

His sudden thrust up pushes the air from your lungs. Your mouth falls open in a silent scream as he pounds into you, all teasing forgotten. He’s relentless as you tighten around him, the coil in your belly threatening to snap.

“That’s it,” he grunts, “come on my cock ner jetii.”

His words and his gloved thumb brushing over your bundle of nerves has you falling apart around him. White hot pleasure rolls over you, leaving you a limp, moaning mess in Wolffe’s arms.

“That’s it, mesh’la. Squeezing me so kriffing tight,” he groans, hips stuttering, his own release fast approaching. “Fuck.” Wolffe manages a few more thrusts before he buries himself in you, spilling himself inside you. Whispered praises fall from his lips as he comes down from his own high. His lips ghost over yours in a chaste kiss as he withdraws, tucking himself away before he lets you down.

Your legs cry out in relief when they meet solid ground, not longer clinging to Wolffe for support.

“Good, cyare?” his hand sweeps over your brow, so tender for a man with such a fierce reputation, even amongst his brothers.

“Mhmm,” leaning into his touch, he chuckles at your blissed out expression.

“Someone’s bound to come looking for you soon, General. Let’s get you cleaned up.” You don’t protest as he helps you redress, though you do moan about how unfair it was he just had to remove his codpiece and you had to strip completely out of your robes for these little storage closet rendezvous’.

“I don’t think jedi robes were designed to allow for easy access, cyare.”

You pout, “you’re probably right.” There was that whole bit about no attachments you were blatantly ignoring after all.

Before the commander can come back with another sharp retort your commlink blinks to life. “Yes?”

“General, General Plo is looking for you on the bridge.”

You sigh, “thank you, Sinker. I’ll be right there.”

Never enough time.

.

The next couple of months continue much the same. You and Wolffe sneaking away between missions when you can, trying to find solace in each other despite all the horrors you both see on the battlefield. In a war that seems to stretch on forever he is your rock. As he watches his brothers fall, one after the other, you are his comfort. It breaks your heart to be apart from him but there is little you can do to control it. When the council requests you to join Obi-wan and Anakin for a series of missions you cannot object. Instead, you drag your tired self out to the far reaches of the outer rim to help them as best you can.

“You look exhausted, my dear.” Such tact this one possessed.

You roll your eyes, “you don’t look much better, Kenobi.” Though you doubt he has been waking in the middle of the night to empty the contents of his stomach like you have for the past week.

“This war does seem to be pushing us all to our limits.”

“I’ll race you!” Ahsoka sprints by, apparently headed for some target or another with her master hot on her heels.

“Snips!”

Cody chuckles under his bucket, shaking his head as the two disappear into the distance.

Obi-Wan scrubs a hand over his face, “it’s pushed most of us to our limits.”

“What I wouldn’t give to have the energy of a padawan again,” you groan.

“I agree wholeheartedly,” Obi-wan nods, “we should all try to get some rest while we can. We need to break camp near dawn.”

You agree and bid your fellow jedi an early goodnight. With the headache you could feel coming on, sleep sounded like a good idea. As you go to stand the world spins around you, any sense of balance you had gone. You reach for the crate you had been sitting on to try and stay upright but you miss by a mile. Knees giving out you collapse to the floor, the world around you still spinning. You can barely hear Cody shouting over the ringing in your ears.

“Call for a medic! The General’s collapsed!”

.

By the time you regain consciousness you’re no longer planet side. Obi-wan had been quick to have you medevacked to the closest med-station for testing. The unholy white lights of the station burn your eyes when you finally come to. Your sudden groaning draws Kix back to your bedside.

“General. Good to see you’re back with us.”

“Kix?” You try to focus on the 501st medic instead of the bright lights, “what happened?”

“You collapsed back at the forward camp. We weren’t able to determine what was wrong with the limited medical supplies we had on hand, so General Kenobi called an air lift for you.”

Another groan bubbles up, Obi-wan had been forced to waster precious resources on you. “Were you able to find out what’s wrong?”

The clone’s face falls, “yes.”

You’ve never heard the medic sound so meek before. “Kix?”

“I’m not sure what’s the best way to explain this, General… but you’re pregnant.”

Oh.

Oh.

“H-how far along?”

“Looks like just over two months,” Kix shifts from foot to foot, pointedly not looking you in the eye. You can’t blame him for being uncomfortable, this isn’t quite the medicine he’d been expecting to practice. He was a combat medic not an obgyn. “We were able to get an ultrasound, would you like to see?”

Nodding, you sit up, your head now spinning for completely different reasons. Kix brings you a datapad displaying the grainy black and white image.

“Kix… am I seeing this right?”

“Yes, general.”

“There’s two…”

“Yes general. You’re having twins.”

Oh fuck.

.

Kix is a godsend, having worked with Anakin and Rex long enough to know reporting everything may not always be a good idea. The official report on your sudden collapse reads that you suffered from a foreign infection your body had not been prepared to fight, coupled with the battle fatigue, your body had shut down in order to force you to rest. Obi-wan and the council believe it, ordering you back to Coruscant to recover and rest. You knew you would have to tell them; it would not be long until you were showing, but you would much rather deal with the council in person than from your medbay bed.

Before your escort arrives, Kix slips you a disk with a copy of the ultrasound pictures, “in case there’s someone you want to show them to.”

“Thank you, Kix,” he blushes when you give him a quick peck on the cheek, “you’ve done more for me than you’ll ever know.”

You do your best to rest on your trip back to Coruscant but its incredibly difficult when your mind is going a parsec a minute. Besides the council there’s one other person you have to break the news to. While you two had talked about what life would be like for the two of you after the war, this was not something you had discussed. You were not sure if Wolffe wanted kids ever, let alone now. Having twins while the whole galaxy was at war was not ideal. Not when the two of you were expected to put your lives on the line for the Republic.

Panic washes over you when you arrive at the capital to find the wolfpack waiting for you on the tarmac. They’d just arrived back for some long overdue shore leave and Plo had informed them of your sudden illness. Normally you would be touched by how much they cared for you, but now all you can think about is how you are not ready to face Wolffe. Not yet.

You can feel his gaze heavy on your back as you field Sinker and Boost’s barrage of questions.

“I’ll be alright, I just need to take my medicine and get some rest. It shouldn’t be long before I’m right as rain again.” You hate lying to them, but you did not want them worrying unnecessarily either.

It seems to appease them; the pack wishes you well and invites you out to 79’s with them as soon as you’re recovered. Wolffe hangs back, watching his brothers go.

“I’ll walk you back, general.”

“No.” It comes out much harsher than you’d like. The surprise that washes over his face feels like a stab to your gut. “There’s no need, Commander. I’ll be alright.”

His voice drops, brow furrowed together, “cyare?”

“Not now, Wolffe,” you frown, “I just need to go lay down. We’ll talk later.”

But you don’t. You cannot find it in yourself to answer any of his calls or messages over the next few days. Instead, you wrap yourself up in as many blankets as possible and hole up in your quarters while you try to figure out what to do. You watch Coruscant go by from your window. It’s only when Sinker and Boost call that you’re freed from running around in circle inside your head.

“Boost? Sinker? What’s going on?”

“Oh thank goodness you’re alive, General!”

“Boost what are you going on about?”

“The Commanders been going crazy! He hasn’t heard from you in over a week and we don’t think he knows how to handle it!”

Although you and Wolffe did your best to keep your relationship hidden, in such tight quarters it was hard to keep it from Wolffe’s brothers. You’d never outright admitted it to them, but you figured they understood what was going on. You were glad for it now.

“I’ve seen him pace before, but never like this,” Sinker adds.

Oh Maker. “Where is he?”

“The barracks, General.”

“I… I’ll speak with him, alright? Hopefully that will calm him down.”

“Thank you, General! We were running out of ways to distract him!” That was the kind way of saying ways to annoy him to keep Wolffe’s mind off you.

“Thank you, Boost, Sinker.”

“Good luck, General!”

You were going to need it. This was not a conversation to have over the com so you make your way down to the barracks, doing your best to avoid attention when you can. It was not like you weren’t allowed there, but the last thing you needed was more questions.

Boost and Sinker were not lying about the pacing. Punching in the access code to his quarters reveals a tightly wound Wolffe, pacing back and forth across the length if the tight space. His armor has been haphazardly discarded around the room. You’re surprised he hasn’t worn a path into the floor yet.

“General?” Surprise and then relief fall over his face when he catches you standing in the doorway.

“Wolffe, I-”

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be resting.”

You’re thrown off by the sudden cold tone in his voice. “I-I came to explain, Wolffe… to apologize.”

“Apologize?”

“I’ve been avoiding you Wolffe,” your voice cracks despite your best efforts to remain calm, “and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, I just needed to find a way to tell you and I couldn’t.”

His frown deepens, “tell me what?”

“That I’m pregnant.”

“What?” He looks at you live you’ve grown another head.

“I’m pregnant, Wolffe.”

It takes him a moment to wrap his mind around your words, but you can see the instant he does, his mouth dropping into an ‘o’ as his jaw falls slack.

“You’re pregnant? With my… with my baby?”

“Babies,” you correct.

His brain seems to sputter out again, “babies?”

You nod, “twins.”

Before you can blink, he’s got you wrapped up in his arms, spinning you around the room. “Twins. You’re having twins.”

It takes everything you have not to start bawling. Kriffing hormones. You’ve never seen Wolffe this happy. This was beyond any reaction you could have imagined. The awe on his face when he sets you down makes your heart melt.

“This is why you were sent back? Your sudden illness?”

“Well yes… but Kix’s report was that I had an infection. I wanted to talk to your first before anyone else. I just didn’t know how.”

His warm hand oh-so-gently cups the side of your face. You lean into the touch. After even just a few weeks apart you’re starving for him.

“Why were you worried, cyare?”

“We’d never talked about kids. And we’re in the middle of a war. Not to mention we’re not even supposed to be together on the first place… I didn’t know how you’d react…”

His face softens, his amber eye drifting down to your nonexistent bump. “I’ll admit, I’m surprised. It may not be how either of us hoped, but it is a pleasant surprise.”

“Really?”

“Really, cyare.” You cannot help but smile as he pulls you in for a kiss. His lips slanting against your own as he holds you close. “I know there may be somethings we need to work out, but we’ll take it one step at a time,” he murmurs against your lips, hands tracing patterns across your back. “We’ll figure it out together.”

[wastedyouth-wasteddreams]

Part 4

Standing at the door of her apartment, he could feel sweat fusing his shirt to the top of his pecs.

 *there's someone I want you to meet*

He thought about what she had said, and practiced introducing himself 

"Hey, I'm Vik, the Ripperdoc" he murmered under his breath, feeling both ridiculous and lacklustre.

He wasn't used to being flustered and he didn't know how to hide it. Last time he had been here, he had a bag full of supplies, this time just a lump in his throat.

In his clinic today, she was so excited. She threw her arms around his neck. She gave him the same kiss she gave him on his birthday. Deliberately placed, with parted lips, and she let her mouth linger for a second, close enough electricity could be be felt between the two of them.

She was playful, and perky and asked him to come over after work. He had accepted of course, but then she said it.

"Preem! There's someone I really want you to meet"

His throat felt hollow, and his stomach took the form of an elevator with the cables cut.

He had tried to get out of it. After she had left he called her on the holo and told her he was working late. He wasn't lying, he worked very late tonight. He booked 2 extra appointments just to make sure he did. 

Then she broke him a little more 

"No problem Vik, he's staying here anyhow, just come by when you're done?"

And before he could weasel his way out of it, she pulled her move. The move that always gets her what she wants.

"You're the best Vik, you never let me down"

Yes. He was a fool for her. And what an old fool he was. The kiss, the present, the wondering fingers. It was all on his birthday, and she was being herself. She was covered head to toe in chrome, and he was a Ripperdoc. He was business with a side of friendship, not romance. And tonight he would be meeting someone who could sweep her off her feet, someone young. Someone who would take her for dinner, kiss her as she woke, be passionate with her, and all the other things he wanted to do for her. All the things he knew he couldn't give her. 

He raised a hand and adjusted his glasses before placing his forehead snuggly between his fingers and thumb, massaging out an imaginary headache through sulking eyebrows.

Before he left he made sure to shower and change into his spare work clothes, if he was to meet this guy, he was going to make sure he made some kind of impression.

He took a deep breath and pulled his shoulders back, exposing his broad ex boxer physique to anyone who saw him. He lifted his chin and swallowed, attempting to push down the ball of heavy emptiness that had grown around his Adams apple.

He lifted his hand to knock and noticed the tremble from his forearm to fingers, once again reminding him of the walls between him and the girl behind the door.

Her door opened and she lifted a finger to her lips

"He's sleeping, and he looks like an angel" she hushed and ushered him in to her apartment. The room was dark, with only the light from the bathroom and the city outside her window to illuminate. He had seen her like this before, dropping off essential med supplies. Well, bandages and antiseptic creams that he insisted she needed after seeing how clumsy she was. He had kept this image in his head since then. Small lose shorts clutching the the top of her ass and thighs, just covered by a baggy singlet that was obviously not created to hug her physique like her day wear. The arm hole of her cut off top hung down just past the bottom of her breast, allowing his gaze to trace the curves and shadows.

"Sleeping?" Vik asked, his eyes parting from her only momentarily to see if he could catch a glimpse of someone on the bed.

"I can come back another time, Kid. I know its late"

She closed the door behind him, seeming to ignore his proposition, instead remarking on his fresh clothes.

"Why don't you smell like the shop?"

"Well, you said I was meeting someone special. Can't turn up in grease and sweat can I now?" He whispered back, fully aware of the irony after pulling his shirt from his near sodden chest.

"Come on" she grasped his hand and pulled him toward the bed. This is not what he imagined at night alone when he thought of her pulling him to her bed.

"Look!" She squeed under hushed breath.

Vik looked at an empty bed. He was relieved, but so very confused. A lump in the covers suddenly stretched up and tiny claws popped up next to it. She perched on the edge of the bed with a huge happy grin.

"Purrrowl" he heard as a feline head popped up above the covers.

"Nibbles, this is Vik. Vik, Nibbles"

It was a cat. She wanted him to meet a cat. A smirk began to grow on one side of his face, and he let out  what felt the entirety of his lungs in a single sigh.

He looked over to her and she patted the bed at him.

"I just knew you would love him!" Her wide eyes fell soft as he nodded in agreement, finally allowing his half smirk to erupt into a full smile.

He sat down next to her, softly rocking his head from side to side but still grinning wide.

"I didn't realise it was cat" he said without thinking.

"It was a surprise" she cheerily declared, cheeks flush and highlighted with a warm tingle. 

"That it fucking was" he stretched the length of his muscled torso across the middle of the bed leaning on his elbow, and reached out his other hand to let the waking feline sniff at him.

Nibbles let out a loud snorting purr, and pushed his nose against Viks hand. 

She heard a crack as vik leaned over and looked toward his shoulder for the offending joint, but got distracted by his...well, she actually just got distracted by him. He was peering over his glasses at the cat that was blinking his eyes slowly to the human roughly man handling his head. He looked content right now. The neon lights reflecting from his lenses. His shirt sleaves rolled up and clung around his biceps, threatening to rip at the seams if he so much as sneezed, there was a glisten below his neck defining his chest hair. his stethoscope and trauma team holster were missing, and his boxing glove was swinging just under his clavicle. He eyes glanced to her, slowly landing on her neck and following to her breasts. His groin stirred as he began noticing how both her nipples were stretching out the cotton of her shirt. He had to force his eyes back to hers just in time to catch her eyes Sparkle.

"Who did you think you were going to meet?" She asked as she lay down in front of them both, reaching a finger under Nibbles chin for a little scratch.

Pulling in a breath to answer, all he got out was a growling "mmmm" and he watched her rearrange herself.

She pushed out her chest as she breathed in, attempting to lure his gaze once again. Her right arm stretched out as her body lowered to the bed. She pulled her left elbow back tracing her finger tips across the top of her thigh as her left leg slowly swung to brush his leg with her knee, he watched her hips lift and round toward him, asking him a question he desperately wished to answer.

"Vik?" Her finger wrapped around the leather of his necklace. She dragged it toward her softly and slightly tugged twice trying to exploit a response.

"A guy" he looked at Nibbles in coy quandry. "Like that pretty slackjaw who gave you his card in the clinic maybe". He stroked the soft belly that nibbles had now stretched to expose.

"I think I prefer this guy though. Don't have to compete for your attention with him". 

An effervescence erupted from her her diaphragm, slowly raising between her breasts, and finally settling as a blanket of electricity on her cheeks.

"I like that" she shrugged, her face aglow. She allowed her fingertips to stroke over his sternum, and watched how his skin reacted to her touch. She ran her finger nails up his neck and back down to the collar of his shirt. 

He slowly blinked, allowing his body to feel every part of his skin that was being touched.

A small knee wrapped over his, and a contented short moan left her trembling lips.

"V." He wrapped his fingers around her hand, delicate and slightly shaking with building excitement. 

Her touch, it made his head swell at the best of times, but here, like this. Her body showing off its curves. He didn't know how much he could take, and he didn't want to do something to potentially jeopardise her friendship. 

Nibbles, having been disrupted by the sudden movement, leapt over viks legs and took up a bath on the nearby couch.

Vik lifted her hand to his face holding the tips of her fingers between his thumb and finger.

"I don't want to step out of line. And when you touch me like that..." he felt his pants getting tight as his dick started to make the point for him. 

"Do you want me to stop?" She had edged herself a little closer peering over his glasses into his amazingly blue eyes as they drew up to hers.

"Well that's the problem kid. I'm worried I'm gonna want more" as he kissed her knuckles, he hears her whisper.

"Me too"

[aquarianlights]

I am in a serious financial bind. 😥 If anyone is in a position to listen & help or signal boost, pls keep reading...

This is from my apartment complex. I am in low-income housing. I called them & sent them proof I could pay on the 23rd. I told them I could (just barely) put 100 down now & they said that was too little.

They said they would file for eviction on the 16th, which adds $150 to my rent. They will cancel the court date and eviction on the 23rd when I pay.

But that doesn't cancel the $150 filing fee.

Idk where that $150 would come from. Idky they think it's fair that someone who cannot pay should be forced to pay even more??? That makes no sense. I can only just barely afford my rent every month as is.

These are from my energy company. I apparently owe them over $600. I genuinely do not know how this happened. We were on the phone for a very long time trying to figure it out & I was in tears for the latter portion of it because I swear I paid.

I usually keep record of my payments via taking a picture of my receipt since they are electronic, but my dog chewed up my phone (which I have pics of if need be for evidence) and broke it, so I had to get a replacement phone sent to me from the insurance company & nothing transferred from the old phone, so all my pics were wiped.

I found no record in my emails, either.

The meds I am taking to try to go into remission and the autoimmune disease itself both cause brain fog and issues with time warping, so it is possible maybe I skipped a month or something, but I highly doubt I would have skipped up to 600+ dollars worth of payments.

I have tons of electronic and hard copy calendars & they are all synced and constantly updated so that I know when payments are due. I also have text and email reminders sent to me, but I could find no reminders in my email for MONTHS now until they were telling me they were going to shut my power off if I didn't pay this. Idk why I was not sent reminders for months???

In the end, I agreed to set up a payment plan. Paying, like... 50-60ish on top of whatever my electric bill is every month for 12 months. It was the lowest they could go.

I can barely afford my electric bill as it is, so idk how I will be able to do this? They did give me a list of charities in my area so I will be using what little energy I have to call around & see if any of them would be willing to help me pay this. Idk how those work (they're mostly churches???), so I'm just gonna try & see what happens. 🤔

On top of all that, I *think* this is telling me my Medicaid has been cancelled but I'm not 100% sure?????

I'm going through treatment for a very serious, disabling problem that should last ~1 year and rn Medicaid is picking up what my Medicare doesn't cover and some of my doctors/specialists and treatments are medicaid only.

If I lose this, I'm basically done.

I know they'll do backpay if I get it back, but Idk if I *will* get it back. I'll be trying to get it back, but in the meantime, I guess I'll just have to pay out of pocket, idk??? Which I do not have.

I have lost almost ALL autonomy due to this autoimmune disease, which (in a very simplified form) is basically my immune cells "eating" my muscle tissue. I can barely get out of bed. Treatment should put me in remission & give me my life back. I am seeing a rheumatologist, neurologist, dermatologist, PCP, physical therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, and going to a holistic pain treatment center that does a different kind of physical therapy to bring down pain levels (which I was put into that program by my rheum). All of these are in relation to & necessary for my disease. I am going through TONS of testing almost weekly now & trying out treatments like IVIG and chemo where I am in the hospital hooked up to an IV for 4-6+ hrs of that day and the cost of those things without Medicaid picking up what Medicare doesn't cover is astronomical. I have to sign waivers every time I get my blood drawn (which is almost weekly now), do tests, and do treatments saying I will pay if Medicaid does not pick up the extra.

I already have crippling medical debt; I don't need more. I'm scared they won't let me do any more tests or treatments if they see I am just letting it all go to collections & am not paying.

This could mean the difference between having a life worth living (to me) where I am happy & thriving & autonomous or being bed-bound & living a life of just existing from day to day & miserable & in pain & suffering & unable to do anything for myself. This is literally life and death for me because I wouldn't be able to handle continuing to live in the latter scenario. I cannot handle living like I am now. Knowing my treatments are progressing is what keeps me going. Knowing I can go into remission is what keeps me going. Knowing my future is one completely different from now is what keeps me going. But if I cannot have that and am destined to live in this current state, it's just not worth it. I don't know a person alive who would want to live like this.

Finally, my anger noodle needs to get to the vet for MULTIPLE things. Nothing is, like... life threatening or super immediate like his cancer was last year, but they're things that need to be addressed in terms of preventative care & to make sure he isn't in pain.

He needs his trachea checked, possibly x-rays for that, maybe more...

He needs some medication updates, needs a physical, needs a full groom & nail clip under anesthesia (for those who are not familiar with Echo, he has extreme fear-based aggression & usually gets this done under anesthesia; since I worked with him so much, he had his first non-anesthesia nail clip at the beginning of quarantine, but he has gotten worse during quarantine & with my muscle eating disease, I can no longer restrain him & don't have the physical strength to run a brush through his thicker fur as his winter coat is in, so I can no longer groom certain areas of him at home, so his tummy & back legs are matted & I fear he may need to be shaved... which breaks my heart since you don't shave double coat dogs unless medically necessary.), he needs a full physical, & needs to be checked over for MCT's.

He may also need a fecal test or something else, as he has been having odd bowel movements. 😥 His tummy has been upset lately.

I have been crying myself to sleep every single night & often during the day because I cannot get him to the vet. No, it isn't urgent or life threatening. But he is reverse sneezing more than normal & I worry about tracheal collapse, which is a common small dog thing & even MORE common in pomeranians specifically. Every time he has a fit, I think "Oh god, this is it. This is the time I'm gonna have to rush him to the e-vet & get slammed with a huge bill & he is not gonna be okay..."

It breaks my heart to see his legs & belly matted. He is horrible about letting me groom him coz of his aggression so he only gets a full grooms at the vet, but I do short grooming sessions at home with him nightly. Takes about 2 hours just to do the majority of one side of him (not even all of it; just most) coz he needs breaks & lots of praise every few strokes or he will tear me to shreds & hurt himself snapping on the undercoat rake. 😥

But now that my autoimmune disease has atrophied my muscles to the point holding up my phone without something to prop it up feels like I am lifting weights & tires my arms out with a lactic acid burn & pain, I can no longer groom him with the patience he needs & can only groom in 20 minute intervals at the VERY longest. By the time I have gotten one leg done during the week, his entire other side is matted. 😞 Matting on dogs---especially double coat dogs---hurts them. It's like if someone were to wrap your hair around their fingers & then pull it taut. It's a constant pulling pressure on their skin... it's painful & irritates the epidermis. I feel miserable feeling the matting on his back legs & tummy & now feeling the mats beginning to form on the rest of him. He hates me working them out, even with the detangling spray. I know it must hurt so much...

So he may need to be shaved at this point & that will destroy me. I feel sick thinking about it. But anything to get him out of pain. Maybe it is what's best for him while I go through this year of treatment & get my muscles back. But in order to do that, I need to get him to the vet.

The stress of not being able to get him to a vet is tearing me apart & literally making me physically ill.

He is my world. My everything. My #1. My heart dog. My priority in life. My entire universe revolves around him. I would do anything for him. Not a single person, animal, thing, etc, comes before him. It is KILLING me that I cannot provide proper care for him right now. I always always always make sure to sacrifice for him if need be & his things ALWAYS come first, even if it means I'm not eating or not paying bills or whatever. As long as he is taken care of & his needs & wants are met, nothing else matters to me. And right now........ I feel he is suffering because of my finances & the fact my treatment with building my muscles up is not going fast enough.

I cannot control the latter one, but the first one is something I can at least ask for help for. So that is what I am doing.

If anyone is in a place to help, these are my venmo & cashapp codes. I also have paypal.

💙 Venmo: @kqroswell

💚 Cashapp: $kqroswell

💜 Paypal: @kqroswell or thekilliancode@yahoo.com

If there is another form of payment you're thinking of, lemme know. I also have fb pay activated if you have me on FB (Killian Q Roswell).

Thank you to everyone who read through this & anyone who can help or reblog this. 💖

Sincerely,

Your v scared, struggling transman who really wants his bills/rent paid & his dog to go to the vet,

Killian 💞

[desiringparadise]

Hi, I know this gonna sound weird but I'm here thanks to A03, I read "It's A Terrible Love And I'm Walking With Spiders" again (idk why), Let me tell you something: It's fantastic. But I realized that you haven't update for four or five years, well I'm not gonna ask you to do it, that's in you, but I'd like to ask something, could you tell me what was the plan with tha fic, and how will it end, just a summary because I'm dying in my curiosity, well only few words left, so thanks and be careful

Omgggg thank you!!! It isn’t weird at all, I sometimes re-read old unfinished fics too because they stuck with me for some odd reason. I was at a bad mental space when I wrote this story and I feel like my issues manifested in the atmosphere of the story. Maybe readers can relate to some of it?

As to how the story was supposed to end. I didn’t remember and I actually had to look through my old notebook lol. I actually found the unfinished fifth chapter in my folders, so I’ll post it here.

Keep in mind that I wrote this in November 2016 and I never finished editing it. I didn’t post it because I was unsatisfied with the result. I’d rate it T/M.

Chapter 5

Miserable, Stiles focused on the silhouette of naked feet, his eyes never straying any higher. Luckily, the shower glass was milky, so even if he couldn’t have resisted satisfying his own curiosity, he wouldn’t actually have seen much.

After the Sheriff had left, Theo had asked to take a shower. Stiles had let him under the condition that the door would remain open and Theo under Stiles’ scrutiny. Under no circumstances would he have let the other boy roam around in his house without checking what he was up to. There were meds in the cupboard, something he wouldn’t risk leaving him alone with.

Unsurprisingly, Theo hadn’t objected. “Be my guest,” he’d said instead, an extra smarmy grin on his face.

That’s why Stiles was sitting against the wall, knees drawn to his chest while trying not to fall asleep. The sound of water spraying had become lulling white noise, making it hard to keep his eyes open. Maybe he should take some Adderall to shake off the drowsiness. It wasn’t like he would get any sleep tonight anyway. Not while knowing that Theo Raeken was under the same roof as him.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the spray of water stopped, the shower door opened, and Theo stepped out without an ounce of hesitation. You’d think he’d at least pretend to be a little embarrassed about showing his naked body.

Not that Theo should be ashamed, Stiles realized. He had known before that the other boy was built, but the naked view of him - well, he couldn’t lie, it was a sight to behold. Perfect, unreal. The shoulders, the arms, the chest – everything about him was broad without being too bulky. His flawless skin only added to the look of a retouched Men’s Health cover shoot. Stiles felt entranced to follow his abs, down to the wonderfully defined V of his hips, before stopping himself. Yeah, he had just seen Theo’s dick, it had been kinda inevitable, but there was no reason to scrutinize it any further. None.

Quickly, he moved his gaze up to look at Theo’s face instead, the usual smirk somehow looking even more smarmy than usual.

“Like what you see?”

The question was so cliché, just like this whole goddamn scenario, that Stiles felt the desperate need to break the spell.

“I prefer chest hair.”

For the first time since Theo had arrived in Beacon Hills, he was dumbfounded. It left Stiles feeling satisfied, before his face froze, his heartbeat quickening. Did he just seriously tell Theo that he was interested in men? He resisted the urge to smack his palm against his face.

Theo did the unexpected and actually came up with an answer.

“I could let it grow, if you wanted me to.”

Stiles squinted. “What the hell would you do that for?”

Theo shrugged his broad shoulder, still unperturbed by his own nudity. “Just trying to win you over, that’s all.”

Stiles rolled his eyes, finally rising up and to look at Theo’s face and ignore everything that was going on below. “Well, your lack of chest hair wasn’t the deciding factor that kept me on the other side. Why don’t you put on a towel?”

“Don’t have one,” Theo answered with an innocent smile.

Stiles sighed and motioned for the other boy to follow as he walked to his room. When he opened the door, he felt uncomfortable letting a naked Theo into his personal space. Hurriedly, he drew the curtains and searched for a large towel in the cupboard. When he found one, he threw it over to Theo without sparing him another look.

“Can you borrow me some clothes?”

Stiles was inclined to say no, let Theo sleep in his uncomfortable jeans instead. There was something strange about giving Theo his clothes to wear. But he wasn’t sure when his father would return from the station. When the man arrived, he would go through the living room and see Theo who’d be sleeping on the coach.

He sighed and searched his closet for something that’d fit. Theo wasn’t taller, but much broader than him. (Un)fortunately, Stiles usually wore clothes that were a few sizes too big anyway. He found some sweats. He was painfully reminded that Theo wouldn’t be wearing underwear underneath. No way he’d be wearing those pants before washing them at least five times.

“Long or short sleeves?”

“Don’t need a shirt.”

Stiles frowned, pulling his too long sleeves even further down. “It’s freezing.”

Theo grinned. “I’m running hot. Want to see it for yourself?”

Stiles rolled his eyes and walked past him. “Whatever, I’ll be fixing you the coach.”

Theo followed him in an easy stride. He didn’t even seem a little uncomfortable to casually stroll through a stranger’s home without a shirt on. Completely relaxed, he sunk into the coach and watched Stiles as he spread clean sheets over the sofa.

“Do your parents know you’re staying over?” Stiles couldn’t even remember the Raekens’ faces anymore.

“Sent them a text.”

Stiles nodded, too tired to investigate any further.

.

Except he was unable to fall asleep. For about roughly an hour he had been tossing and turning, his anxiety back at it again although he had forewent his Adderall. Then, for a couple of minutes, he stayed still, not moving a muscle while waiting to hear any sounds come from downstairs.

But there was only silence.

About half an hour ago, his eyes started tearing up from exhaustion. It was annoying. He wasn’t really crying, but the stream of tears didn’t stop. Now his eyes were swollen and aching.

He was unable to come to rest. He took a deep breath. Maybe if he’d open the door and take a proper listen, he’d finally relax. Feeling ridiculous, left the warmth of his bed and softly padded towards his door. But he was only met with frustratingly familiar silence.

He sighed and returned to bed when- Wait, was that a sound? He froze and listened, eyes wide open as if waiting for an assault. Looking down, he noticed that he had stepped on a creaking floor board. The noise could have come from him. But what if it hadn’t?

He shook his head. He was being paranoid, utterly ridiculous… Yet, what if there had been something? He took a deep breath and held it, wanting his heart beat to slow. Okay, he’d go outside again, just this once, and take a look around house, and most importantly, check whether Theo was doing something sketchy.

He left his room, slowly descending the stairs. From here, Theo’s form was still, he seemed to be sleeping. Just to be sure, he told himself as he gradually closed the distance between them. He stopped just before the sofa and leaned down to inspect his face. His eyes were closed and his breathing was calm. Everything about him indicated to be asleep.

But the ugly voice of his paranoia ordered him to look more closely, check whether Theo wasn’t faking it.

Suddenly Theo’s eyes were wide open, an unnatural light shining in them. Stiles startled. He stumbled backwards, his feet hit agianst the coffee table, and he fell on his ass.

“Stiles?” Theo blinked, the strange light in his eyes gone. Had he imagined it? He must have, there was no other explanation for it. He was going crazy. “Why are you up? Did something happen?” His voice was groggy from asleep, but otherwise he seemed alert.

Stiles felt ridiculous. His thought process hadn’t made any sense to begin with, spoken out loud, they’d sound like he’d lost his mind. This paranoia, it wasn’t normal. He liked to tell himself that it was the Adderall, the ADHD, but when he was honest with himself, he knew it was him. He was fucking crazy. No wonder he didn’t have any friends, no wonder Erica had ditched him the first chance she got. He wouldn’t be his own friend either. There was nothing to gain from this cynical, insecure, anxious mess that he was.

His uneven breath catch in his throat, the last drop for his straying nerves. His mind collapsed in itself and he pathetically started to cry.

If Theo hadn’t been awake then, he probably was now. He stumbled out of the sheets and approached Stiles, putting both hands on his shoulders. His eyes were wide with concern. “Hey- hey, Stiles, come on. What happened? Did you hurt yourself?”

Stiles shook his head, his chest heaving with sobs. He was such a goddamn mess. The more he wanted to force himself to calm down, the more he worked himself up. The rational part of his mind told him that this wouldn’t pass until he calmed down. But he was too upset and Theo’s presence made everything worse. He wanted to crawl into a hole and wait till the panic was over.

But he knew that wasn’t possible. “I can’t sleep,” he managed to ground out between the ugly sniffing and sobbing.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

Stiles snorted, as if Theo’s suggestion had been completely ridiculous. Actually, it wasn’t that far off the truth though. He had nightmares, more often so recently. To some of them he woke up silently, heavily breathing, the panic constrained in his chest, but without a sound. Sometimes he screamed. But only his father knew that.

“No. I just – I can’t sleep with you here, not knowing what you’re doing.”

He expected Theo to be confused, demand an explanation, maybe even laugh. Instead he said, “I could go.”

“What?” He shook his head. “No.” How would he explain that to his father? He wouldn’t be able to stand another discussion with him about seeing a professional about his problems. Yes, he had problems, he knew that – but none some shrink could help him with. The only thing he had going for him was that he wasn’t labeled crazy by the public yet. “You’re staying,” he said with finality.

For a while, there was silence. Theo must be put off by Stiles acting like a freaking lunatic. Any normal person would’ve left by now. Hell, he would’ve ran out the house if the roles were reversed. Instead Theo asked, “Do you have any handcuffs?”

For a few seconds, Stiles didn’t say a word. But when he had finally gathered himself- “What the fuck?”

“Real ones,” the other boy recuperated nonchalantly.

“Why in the hell would you-“

“Because, obviously, I’m kinky, if you haven’t guessed it by now,” Theo answered rolling his eyes. Stiles wasn’t sure whether that had been a joke. “”You wanna sleep or what? Go get me some handcuffs.”

Normally, he wouldn’t have obeyed simply on principle, but he was curious where this would go. And as he rummaged through the drawer, where he knew his father kept a spare pair of handcuffs, he realized that the suffocating panic in his chest was gone.

“Now I’ll go outside and you hide the keys somewhere,” Theo ordered. Stiles wanted to question him, but before he could, Theo had already left the house, still shirtless in the cold night. Not knowing what else to do, Stiles went up to his room and hid the little key in his pill bottle.

When he opened the door for Theo to enter, he didn’t seem affected by the freezing weather. There weren’t even any goosebumps on his skin.

“All done?” Theo asked, the blue-green eyes open and honest. Stiles nodded.

Unceremoniously, Theo cuffed his own wrists together.

Stiles stared. “Okay… What is this about?”

The boy shook his wrist, the metal of the cuffs making clinking sounds. “See? I won’t be able to do much without you hearing. No need to worry about what I’m doing. So are we taking the bed or the couch?”

Stiles should be horrified, but frankly, the plan made sense. It could actually work. And really? It was some crazy shit that he would’ve come up with. The sort of solution that people would raise their brows at but that would actually work. “How do I know you won’t do anything to me while I sleep?”

Theo rolled his eyes. “Stiles, no offense, but if I wanted to harm you, I wouldn’t have to wait until you’re asleep. You’re not exactly what I’d call a physical challenge.”

Fair enough...

“There is no way we’d fit on the couch.”

.

Stiles had ordered Theo to lay on the side of the bed that faced the wall so that there would be no chance of leaving the bed without alerting Stiles. Theo was happy to lie on his side and watch the other boy’s peaceful face. For once, his breathing was even, but he was still twitching and moving in his sleep, restless, even in his most relaxed moments.

When they had first lain down, Theo had feigned sleep. He knew that Stiles wouldn’t have been able to calm down if Theo had openly watched him. Now though, he stare at him to his heart’s content. He’d watched Stiles without his knowledge before. There were some perfect angles from the outside from which you could see Stiles rummaging in the kitchen. Sometimes he forgot to draw the curtains and Theo could catch glimpses of his sleeping form.

But in never had been like this. Stiles, only an arm’s length away, the ever-present scent of anxiousness enveloping him.

He mumbled something in his sleep, tossed and turned and eventually scooted closer to Theo. It probably was due to Stiles’ weird sleeping positions and the unconscious urge to scoot towards warmth, but nonetheless, Thep was elated when the boy’s head almost touched his chest. He could feel his breath on his naked skin.

Theo wondered whether he could get away with stroking his hair, just running his fingers through the dark hair for once, but he refrained. He still was desperately trying to get Stiles to trust him.

At first glance, Stiles seemed like easy prey. He was isolated and defenseless. He should’ve soaked up all of Theo’s affections and begged for more. But Theo had underestimated him vastly. Stiles wasn’t playing hard to get, he simply was too smart to fall for something as simple as charm.

It only made Theo want him even more. Stiles would be the perfect person to stand by his side. Clever, loyal, and absolutely ruthless.

But he had to get Stiles to trust him first. The boy couldn’t see it yet, but once all circumstances molded to Theo’s wishes, Stiles would find himself in a much happier place. Theo just had to give him a nudge into the right direction and make him realize how much of a glorious team they could be under Theo’s rule.

His father was the only important person in Stile’s life. Eventually, Theo would insert himself as a part of his life. Stiles was his centre already, now he had to make himself Stiles’ centre.

.

This is were this document ended. I think I planned to end this chapter at this point. I hadn’t planned the future chapters in every detail, but here’s how I planned for the story to roughly go:

Stiles and Theo were supposed to get closer, Theo eventually gaining Stiles’ trust and helping him over his issues with anxiety. They’d slowly become friends, but their relationship would always have a sexual undertone because it’d always been clear that Theo wanted to be more than friends. The sexual tension would escalate and they’d hook up and become an official item.

They would share a toxic dynamic. While Theo is devoted to Stiles, he’s also extremely controlling and possessive. He would watch Stiles, trying to keep constant tabs on what he was doing, going through his phone, getting pissed when Stiles was acting friendly with anyone. They would have big fights over this in which Theo would tell Stiles that he cares too much for him to just let him be.

While Stiles would know that this is an extremely unhealthy relationship that can’t end well, some part of him (the part that had been ignored by the people around him for all his life and was starving for a semblance of affection) loved that he was this important to Theo. And while his relationship was anything but normal, he liked that he got to experience something as normal as having a boyfriend, something he’d never envisioned before.

So they’d have fights, Theo would apologize with some grand gesture, and Stiles wouldn’t be able to stay mad (because some part of him wasn’t actually mad at all). This pattern would repeat itself.

Meanwhile, Scott and his friends would try to make Stiles see reason. By now, they would’ve noticed Theo’s and Stiles’ dynamic because of how explosive Theo can get in public once his jealousy is triggered. Stiles, however, can’t stand Scott and his friends to begin with. He thinks that nobody but his father and Theo, in his own twisted way, cares about him and that they’re only trying to provoke Theo through Stiles.

I don’t think the whole Dread-Doctors thing had been all the way revealed when I was plotting this, so they wouldn’t have been included in this story. But eventually, some danger would befall Beacon Hills again. Amidst everything, everyone’s supernatural identity would be revealed to Stiles. He’d feel vindicated to have his suspicions finally confirmed. He and Theo would work together on overcoming whatever enemy they’d be facing off against. 

At some point during all of this, Theo’s behaviour would escalate and would cause something disastrous to happen. Someone would be killed. Stiles can finally no longer ignore Theo’s issues as he fights his desire to stay with Theo against his morals. He’d tell Theo that they needed a break.

Theo would beg him not to break it off, promise to change, and confess his love. Though Stiles would know that Theo wouldn’t really change because of the numerous times he’s promised before, he’d be too moved by Theo’s confession to resist. Eventually, he’d decide be selfish and put his own wants before the needs of others. He’d decide that he’d rather have his toxic, obsessive, passionate relationship with Theo, than to return to the bleak void that he was in before Theo entered his life.

Eventually, they’d graduate and move away to live in some big city like L.A. or NYC. 

The End.

[justisaisfine]

Yes hi hello out of sheer curiosity, can I ask if you have more information about Roman during the whole trial with the parents? I saw a lilo and stitch post on my dash and that made me think first about my childhood (was a huge Lilo and Stitch fan) and then I thought of Roman in your AU and then my thoughts kinda swept away. I'm just generally really interested in how the bros (aside from V) dealt/processed/etc. with all that trial stuff?

Honestly it was hell for all of them. None of them really knew how to deal with the whole legality of it, expect Logan who took on most of the paperwork and stuff (proofs of everything he thought would come in handy gos forbid this situation ever happens (which hey- hes kind of glad he kept everything now) like grocery bills, rent, Roman’s two-thee jobs he got at 14-15, his own tutoring jobs and then the others’ therapy bills and meds and everything to prove that those people fucked them over royally ya know?

And its a lot of reopening old wounds and retelling of traumatic events and things they swore to bury and forget. it’s showing their scars to not only the jury and legal people but to the whole world at that point.

(this got long so read more whoops)

Logan takes those months off of teaching, Roman turns down any casting offers and Patton’s yt channel goes silent for months.

you remember how i said Roman would shrug off questions about their parents when he started acting? like he wouldnt talk about them ever and keep their past a secret- just to try and leave it behing yeah? He cant do that now so he goes all out- its like a dam that broke and he’s so blunt and 100% honest and doesnt hold back any details. He want everyone else to know just how Bad it was- he want everyone to hate his parents just as much as he does. He’s done making excuses and giving them the benefit of doubt. These are bad people, they’re coming back for his little brother, and he’s pissed.

and in a way that’s good for him- to retell those things without that doubt blanket. He sees how badly they fucked his brothers but how badly they messed him up too. He used to always say that his brother got the worst of the abuse and that he himself had nothing to really complain about- they barely ever laid a hand on him right? Now though, he understands the psychological effect they had on him. he understands that the way he was forced to deal with everything and to take care of his brothers wasnt normal. They robbed him of his childhood and innocence just like they did to the others.

And it’s like it all comes crashing back all at once when he does. its like his mind and body put off his trauma, went on overdrive to take care of his brothers but now its crashing back in and he’s starting to burn you know? It’s like he’s 15 again and hes scared of losing them and doubting himself, is he really fit to take care of them? are they really going to charge him with kidnapping? He has to be talked out of panic attacks a lot during those months.

Patton goes off social media for a while when it starts getting too harsh- all the comments and people talking about it gets to him and he needs a break. It’s harder and harder to stay positive and he tries to help Logan and Roman the best he can- but he was still jsut a kid when they left so he only has his own telling of the story to add, and a whole lot of therapy sessions to talk about.

Patton asks Piccani to testify in court for him and Virgil (with his consent ofc) and that’s one more person on their side so it helps. He gets;; really bad, with his depression, during those months, although of course he tries hard to hide it- not to worry the others even more that they already are, not to worry Virgil when he’s miles and miles away. He stays close to Logan when he’s working tho. asks if he can sleep in Roman’s room for a bit.

and shit dude, Patton is so scared of seeing their parents again- theres no hate in him to give to them anymore, he’s just scared and tired and he wants to not hurt anymore. he wants them to leave them alone forever- they lost their chance to get them back, they dont have anything to show to them that could possibly make them want to give them a second chance. He’s just so so done.

[astrxlis-archive]

—This ask is for your reply that was posted on [ March 27 2022 ] !! (i apologize for replying this v late;; since we always tend to have a new topic every reply tbh 🤣)

First of all, i def appreciate you still replying to asks despite your busy sched 😭💖 i'll be always treasuring your messages so your effort wouldn't be wasted 🥰

I do think the reason why it's always mine is because there's a lot of asks that i have sent you with + tagging those posts with my alias— it's still interesting to me even after you told me that 🤭

For fridays, we only have half day classes however it's in the morning (vs. our usual sched in the afternoon) :DD and i'll do my best avoiding not sleeping 🤧 i just happen to not get tired always (but i got drained so fast)!!

i do see your point about xiao being confused that you don't seem to be like the people who goes like "omg an adeptus 🤩🤩" (ngl i cracked up reading this 😭😭) maybe because you treating xiao just like a normal person to talk to will ease his heart 👀

My shyness, hmm it's always been there actually 😌 but i try to not be shy when i have to seem confident. This is one reason why kokomi is quite a relatable character to me?? She's an introvert, however as a leader and divine priestess of watatsumi she have to act confident around her people.

If you do think you need to learn from me on that aspect, i do think i have to learn about how you get in touch with people using your ~emotional intelligence~ which i lack,,😔

Very much relating to how we become a hypocrite of our own words too, but well i think we just don't have enough motivation to be a man of our own words 😩 but it's nice to know that you're still trying your best!! That's one of the things that matters ngl 💗💕

About my diagnosis... I have informed you about this earlier so i see no need to put it here again 😌👌i think you asking more about this isn't intruding since i think you just wanna be more aware you know 😤💕 and thank you for your kind words, Fox!! Around this week, i'm starting to get better too! :D I can function little by little now + i have told our class adviser about this too (bc i think one of the side effects of the meds can cause sleepiness?? + I slept so late that i was sleeping like a log) yesterday since i failed to attend our friday classes 😌 i woke up at 12 nn around that day.

Truly, my reaction to you saying i have a way with words is the first time i heard of that compliment towards me??!? 😤😤😤 So i of course need time to process it and see my self at your own PoV 😅🤭

MOST IMPORTANTLY: when i was reading this message before, i cant help it but smile and giggle(?) due the fact that you said you kinda considered me as a friend echoes in my brain for days 😩 like i was just sitting in piece and then i remembered this part of your message reply— it made me go like "omg,,, they called me a friend??🥺 their friend,,,😳 omg,," i feel so honored 😭😭 i'll do my best as your friend 😤💞

Interesting to know you had a uquizzes phase too 🤣 i feel so sad i have taken almost all quizzes that's interesting to me,,,,, yandere bnha quiz 😱 that's wild 🤔🤣 the description must be very detailed 😰 i'm sorry for finding this funny 😭 hmm i don't draw anymore because... The flame of the candle has long been burnt out ever since. Meaning that my passion for it have vanished, yet i still posseses the creativity skill within me. And i hope the moment i join genshinblr, i would not quit writing too, given the fact that i would usually pick a new hobby then suddenly abandon it <///3 i dont really do fanarts back then but before i do original and half-assed random artworks 👌

i'm also glad that you have read a new take or perspective about noelle's situation 🥰 i do wonder about that too..

it was nice knowing that you're getting comfy with me as well 😌 💖

me 🤝you

Having trouble with the opposite "x" aspect in the "INxP".

Ngl your messages gives me so much warmth (in a good and loving way) like i think to myself how you connect with others 🥺💗

Ooooh pediatrics ?? Now that's another interesting thing,, but i'll be looking forward to what field in medicine you're going to choose in the future !! 😚 Im just here cheering up on u! 🤔 i can't give you any tips in dealing with kids if i were to recollect my hazy memories when i was a kid bc im a well behaved kid b4🤩😭 what i can only remember is that i had tantrums outta nowhere lmaos 😔😭

same with what you said, i think infp and intp are quite a good pair of friends 👀💞✨

Please do share stuff you've learned in your class/es!!🤩🤩🤩 i'm very much in for what you had learned, so you can let your med student self to talk about those :> i, of course, cannot relate much but i try my best to understand it as much as possible :D

Also, don't think about not explaining stuff or defining some words, google got my back !!👌

i definitely enjoy your questions especially that they help continue the flow of the conversation 🥺♥️ it's obvious that in my replies i just really answer your questions and not ask anything 😩 i just have no idea what to ask ;; it may not seem to you that you're thankable for it but i feel like telling you these simple nice things you've done that made my heart so warm <33

here it is again 😩😩 "i like talking to you" guest what, me too!! 🤩😤🥰

Please kindly break it to me about the accounting and business stuff 👀 i wanna know about it more 😩 once again me 🤝 you in terms of getting rich by doing absolutely nothing 😌✨

Also i didn't expect that reply 🥺 thank you for considering my safety and privacy (even if i wouldnt mind but still thank you for being do considerate 🥺)

one thing i have to say about the stroganoff in your reply is that: i dont know how to cook 😭😭 shh i cant also explain why i cant because i also dont know 🤣 but maybe i should overcome my fear of turning on the stove- 😌 idk i always feel like if i handled the stove our house might explode 🤔 and i have experienced being blamed so many times (especially as the eldest) and is so tired of it 😌

i've also viewed the IG acc you follow 👀 the page is full of so many fluffy pets 🥺💞 i get it now why it is named jupiter and friends 😤 idk but,, jupiter surely got so many friends to accompany it😂🥰

thank you for your support too!! I'll be sure to let you know (i might forget btw;;;) if ever i have joined the genshinblr community 😚 let's grow together and support each other!! ♥️

Well i may not be knowledgeable about the html stuff in here,, but i could give you a few ideas based on how you would like things to look like, things you are interested in (like Nier) or your favorite kind of aesthetic and vibe >:3 i remember trying to plan what theme i want my blog to be remembered of, or how can i be unique from the rest of the blogs,, because my theory for this is that if your blog is unique or nice looking you have more chances of getting remembered. 🤔🤔

And yoimiya 😳 (i have to admit i love her as a character ) that's really interesting to me!! 😳 I get your point of associating her with me too, but one thing i could assure is that: im not good with kids unlike her 😂 dont worry about not being very good at understanding, because i feel the same way 🥺and do let me know if you have another character you associate me with!! i'm very curious about it 🤩

I haven't seen turning red yet, but i've seen many people are talking about it👌 i might watch that when i have the time!! Very glad to here that you took a break from studying to watching a movie instead😚🤩 it's like treating yourself too for working hard in your studies💗

Abt that quiz, even if i chose the same answers i have selected before i got jean too(so many times) and idk what on earth happened bc my actual result there was supposed to be diluc- 💀 this is the start where i question if i do kin him 😌

Idk how it is for your sisters but maybe we do relate about being the eldest/elder one 😂

Take care Fox!! 💕💕💕

— 🍰.

hellooo 🍰!!!

first of all, thank you so much for still replying to that 😂 it’s alright if it’s late, so dw!! we somehow keep the conversation going 🥰

yep, i agree with you! it’s probably because of that, but it’s also a comfort to me? like, you’re a consistent person around here and that means a lot. thank you! 💕💕

oh gosh, days where classes only happen in one period are such a blessing. i’m so jealous, even if it’s in the mornings. also, i cracked up too, especially because i keep reading the “omg” like the third vine, so i’m just here like 😂😂😂 anyways… i just want my little xiaoxiao to be happy 🤷

okay so i finally did kokomi’s quest (because the new event MADE me do it, not because i planned to – the things i do for primos and xingqiu istg) and i can def see your point clearer now. maybe it’s a good thing i took a while to reply. she’s also overworked, much like jean, because she has such an important role in watatsumi… i swear i wanted to let her sleep for a while longer 😔 maybe (hopefully) we can teach each other a little bit more about our types of intelligence! ☺️

i was really happy to read you were feeling better, and it still warms my heart to read it again 🥰 i still haven’t checked dan’s blog for your diagnosis, but i will! it’s in my to-do list once midterms are over. i’m glad you told your class adviser! having someone know what you’re going through, even if it’s just medication side effects, can help a lot. and dude?? you absolutely do have a way with words?? like, how come no one has told you this before? 🧍🧍🧍 this fox is too stunned to speak

about doing your best being my friend, all we gotta do is be honest about our feelings and talk things out, you know? i think it’s the best way to support each other! 💕 but let me know what you think abt this!

no worries for finding it funny LMAO tbh i was a bit creeped out by the results and i giggled like crazy bc dang, the person who made that quiz went all out 👀 my uquiz phase come and go tbh 😂 since you sent me those two quizzes i've been sorta checking the website for new ones 🤭🤭

and yeah, i can relate to that – the passion for something burning out. i’m sorry you went through that with drawing, but it’s nice to know you still draw sometimes instead of dropping it completely. and hey, even if you do end up joining and quitting, what matters is that you were here! and i’m sure people would be delighted to have you around as a writing blog as well. 💖💖

about my specialty – i’ll let you know 😂 and thanks for cheering me on!! tbh not even i can give myself advice on how to deal with kids bc i’m not good with them but it makes me so happy when i wave to a random kid and they wave back or say hi fkndkssn 🙈

aw man 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 look, i’m just really glad you take time off your day to come here and talk to me, so like– yes!! please tell me stuff!! related to me or not 💖

so, this is me breaking it out to you: you’re so so so wrong about not having to work in that field 😩😮‍💨😩😮‍💨 THEY WORK SO HARD— listen i took two (2!!) months of business management and i quit because sweet jesus the amount of theory they have backing their practice???? just. no. not for me at all. and sometimes i think people in that field are overworked. but it’s a major that opens doors, absolutely. you can work anywhere. about accounting, my mom has a degree in it and there’s a lot more theory than i ever thought; it’s like business but with math. sorry if i crushed your hopes ☹️

if it helps, i only recently learned how to cook 😂😂 which is why i go to my sister’s for food sometimes. take your time overcoming your fear, though!! the stove is not going anywhere (and it’s not going to explode 😂) and maybe you can blackmail your sibling into cooking with you so if stuff goes wrong you’re not alone 👀

juniper’s account gives me life sometimes 😂 the fact most animals are (unreleaseable) wild animals is very informative about what they’re like too. and i’ll remind you to let me know when you join! consider this your first reminder! 😂😂 let’s goooooo 💖

i’m not very knowledgeable with html either, so we’re on the same boat, but please tell me your ideas!! you’re absolutely right about your aesthetic being how you’re remembered (along your writing if you're a writing blog–)

about yoimiya – getting along with kids was not the first thing on my mind tbh 😂 especially bc i remembered you saying stuff about your sibling 👀 and after kokomi’s quest, i started to see the ways i can associate you with her, but i still need a better grasp on her personality 😅 let me know what you think of the movie when/if you do!

so, as requested, i’ll send any questions i have in my reply for the next ask (probably tomorrow) 😩

i hope you’re doing well, 🍰!! 💛💛💛

[datmysticmessenger]

Hi yes hello, could I get an RFA + V + Saeran where MC is sick and they've had no appetite, so they haven't eaten anything all day? I'm glad you guys are back btw!

We hope you like this! We really love doing “what if” asks so this was a lot of fun to do. Admin MP did Jaehee, 707, Yoosung and I did Zen, Jumin, and V!

Admin Rina ;3c

Zen:

While Zen was on set he got a call from MC saying they couldn’t get out of bed

Zen could hear it in there voice, MC was as sick as a dog

Zen was 100% ready to leave the set and go take care of MC, but MC was very instant that he didn’t need to come over

They just couldn’t get up to get anything to eat or drink

Zen told MC that he would call them back in a couple of minutes

As soon as they go off the phone Zen called Yoosung, the only person he knew would be free at this time of day

After telling Yoosung to head over there Zen ordered MC soup and some other food from their favorite diner down the road from their apartment

He starts with texting MC and Yoosung non stop, like he is texting them so much that the director of the show/movie just tells him to go back home if he is just not going to pay attention.

Zen ends up back home where Yoosung is on the phone with his mom asking her what in the world he should give them to make them feel better

Zen feels kind of bad making the kid come all the way there without really telling them what to do

But he knows that MC was in good hands for the 3 or 4 hours that Zen was gone.

Yoosung

Yoosung had class all day and MC was sick but they insisted he go

So the whole day he was texting them, worried

They slept for a solid four hours (and he quietly freaked out but they were okay)

By the time he got home, they were awake and sniffling on the couch

He gave them a smooch on the forehead, grimacing at how hot it was

As he put his school things away, he asked them about their day, moming them pretty hard

When they revealed that they hadn’t eaten anything all day because of how tired they were, he essentially freaked out

He started fussing over them, insisting that they needed to eat something and called his mom

“HELLO MOM?? WHAT DO SICK PEOPLE EAT”

Thankfully, he had a can of chicken noodle soup hidden in the back of his cabinets

As MC dozed on the couch, Yoosung made them the soup and some tea, frowning in concentration

(It’s not that hard, Yoosung, it’s just soup)

He brought it all over to MC on the couch on a laptop tray (it’s all he had, okay)

Then, he made sure MC took their medicine and began feeding them the soup, blowing on it to make sure it wasn’t too hot

MC leaned against his shoulder, grateful for the food and the warmth Yoosung was providing

After they ate, they sipped their tea, already feeling loads better, especially since they were tucked up against their cute boyfriend

Eventually, they fell asleep, resting in Yoosung’s arms, content and happy

(Yoosung got sick the next day and they were both miserable)

Jaehee

If you thought Yoosung was a mom

Wait until you meet Jaehee Kang

Before she left for work in the morning, she would have made MC soup and put it in the fridge, leaving them a note telling them where everything was and laying out their medicine and everything

She left, giving a sleeping MC a smooch on the forehead and making sure that she sent MC a detailed text about the soup and medicine and everything

MC doesn’t respond until a few hours later, saying that their medicine wore off but they’re just too tired to get up and get it

So, of course, on Jaehee’s break, she rushes home, helping MC get the medicine (but forgets to get the food because she’s rushing)

A few hours later, when she goes home, MC is still in the same place Jaehee left them, cuddled up in bed, attempting to read on their tablet (although they keep sneezing)

Jaehee perches on the edge of the bed, quietly asking MC how they feel

(She doesn’t want to get sick even though she loves MC; she has a coffee shop to run)

While she’s getting MC some more medicine, she asks them if they liked the soup

They sheepishly admit that they hadn’t eaten it because they were too sick to get out of bed

Jaehee goes into Mom Mode, rushing around to get them new blankets, a wet cloth for their forehead, nasal spray, cough drops, the works

Then she goes into the kitchen to heat up the homemade soup, worried about MC (she almost leaves the soup to check on them but knows it’s not good to leave the stove unattended)

As soon as the soup is ready, Jaehee brings it and some bread into the bedroom

Usually, they don’t eat in bed, but this is an exception

Because Jaehee doesn’t want to get sick, she doesn’t cuddle MC and takes some Airborne

But MC looks so sad that Jaehee can’t help it and she scoots closer, running her fingers through MC’s hair

Jumin

When Jumin finds out that MC has not eaten all day because of being sick he is at work

Too be exact he was in a meeting with a new investor to the company

It was just a small text from MC saying “Hey I’m just letting you know that I’m really sick right now, I’m going to sleep in the other room tonight so I don’t get you sick”

Well needless to say he completely forgets about the investors and calls a doctor's

And by doctor it isn’t just like one, he calls like a whole medical team to go check on MC

He can’t afford to get sick, but he will make sure that MC has everything that they need

When the doctors tell Jumin that MC had not eaten it takes a lot out of him not to get mad at them

He knows that they can’t help but not eat but he still wishes that they would have told him sooner that they weren’t feeling well

Jumin ends up leaving work early to go make sure the MC was starting to feel better

He gets a medical mask on the way home.

At home he doesn’t really know what to do, he has never really been sick before so he just kind of lets the doctors take care of MC

Seven

Seven would be pretty busy with work, though he knew MC was sick

The good thing about working from home was that he could check on them constantly

Everytime he checked on them, though, they were just sleeping

He vowed to keep an eye on them, though, and make sure they were good

Although he had a tendency to get enveloped in his work and spend hours on his computer

…..which was what he did that day on accident

By the time he checked on MC again, it was pretty late in the day and they were awake, tapping on their phone, coughing

Seven felt pretty bad about not checking on them so he checked how hot they were and got them an extra blanket, also fetching them some water

He isn’t very good at taking care of himself when he’s sick so he’s also not great at it with MC

But he is determined to Try His Best

As he’s giving them a bendy straw to put in their water, he realizes that neither of them have eaten all day

Since he has almost nothing for sick people to eat, he goes to a nearby convenience store, grabbing a bunch of bullshit

(He has no idea what sick people eat wtf!!!!)

When he comes back, he gives them chips and tokoyami, and although MC knows it’s not what’s good for them, they eat it (because who can resist tokoyami honestly)

The two cuddle together eating tokoyami and watching anime

V

MC wouldn’t have a chance to not eat

This is because at the first sign of MC getting sick V goes into Mom Mode and starts taking care of her

He makes them homemade soup and would drive to the closest store to make sure that they got the meds that they need

He always asks Jumin to call a doctor for MC, not really to keep an eye on them, just to make sure that their sickness isn’t going to turn into anything worse

When he sees that MC isn’t really eating that much he always has crackers handy to make sure they can at less eat something

Honestly he takes such good care of MC that he would end up getting sick himself, sadly MC is still sick at the time that he is sick now.

They end up having to call Jumim to send the doctor over to take care of the two of them

While it isn’t the ideal ‘date’ for the two of them, but at less the two of them are together

Saeran

MC didn’t even tell him they were sick because they didn’t want to worry him

But he figures it out when he comes to visit and knows that he totally wants to help

Of course he has no fucking idea what he’s doing

(He tries to call Seven but then remembers Seven has no fucking idea what he’s doing and hangs up)

So, instead, he just puts MC to bed and helps around the place, cleaning up a bit because it got dirty while they were sick

He opens windows, wipes down countertops, throws away tissues, the works

All in the hopes that MC feels better

Whenever they need tissues or cough drops, he gets some for them

He also really wants to show some affection but is still a little awkward about it

Since he arrived later in the day, he asks what they want for dinner but they admit they haven’t eaten yet

At a loss, he orders take-out, not wanting to cook and dirty the clean kitchen

He manages to help MC to the kitchen and they sit together, eating their take-out and talking about everything and nothing

If they started coughing while eating, Saeran moves their food to the side and rubs their back gently

Afterwards, he cleans up all the food and goes back to their bedroom with them

They insist on cuddles, while sniffling, and he can’t say no to that so the two cuddle together until they fall asleep

(Somehow Saeran doesn’t get sick and MC is salty)