#and now I have like 20 mins before class to compose myself

[mochiwrites]

<- girl who does not handle getting in trouble at work well

[shesawriter39049]

|ROLL DEEP|M| P.1

                 *Yoongi centered fic with a shared OT7 plot*

CH.1.1   CH. 1.2

**Operation: What’s eating blue!?***

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“Stop, this stopped being a you, thing and became a us thing  the minute we chose to show up here tonight! You gave us an out and we stayed...we will always stay...”

1.2 K Sneak Peek

Pairing: Yoongi x OC

Genre: Sugar baby AU/Suspense/Smut/Angst/Roomate AU/FWB AU

WC: 7K

Nonsexual Warnings: Mentions of drug use (Molly/weed/)Strong language/ Alcohol addictions/ brief mentions/ speculations of domestic violence/abuse

Sexual Warnings: Oral (M & F receiving) power bottom Min Yoongi, cum play, breath play, spanking, dirty talk, Slight overestimation, sex toys (Cock rings....) Semi-public sex (A chill little blow job in the car) The sexual warnings are for both parts of CH.1 so the smut is split in half!

NOTE:  Just to clarify the dynamic Yoongi and the OC are roommates who hookup on the side, they are BOTH sugar babies to two separate people! So yes, that would imply that Yoongi and some of the other boys who are also sugar babies are Bi. There is no MxM but there is mentions of it occasionally….as well as some harmless ot7 flirting! Also all of the boys are introed, Tae and Joon just play a lager part here!

_______________________________________________

I guess, fuck where do we even start? Maybe, will go back to where it all technically started, which was the last time things felt...somewhat normal yeah?

So, that would be...hmm...about 2 weeks shy of you heading into Junior year at USC right? The day your boys picked you up at the airport, and the three of your treated Blue, aka TaeTae to brunch!?

Well, wait let’s back track a little it all started much eariler than that, because you weren’t even aware of your brunch plans until later in the day. So Initially the day in question kicks of with you, in oversized blacked out CHLOE shades, hungover as fuck, sat in at the airport one Sunday afternoon. Smack dab in the middle of Terminal 6, in a bar called Blu2o sipping on a Bloody Mary, scrolling aimlessly through Snapchat. While simotaniously being told for the very first time ...that you’ll be attending a “Haute Couture”  themed charity auction...on Tuesday! Yup,  the day after tomorrow! Thank god he can’t see your damn face right now, biting down on your straw to muzzle yourself!

“No, babe it’s fine, I’ll just hit Rodeo tomorrow morning, and I’m sure my nail and lash girl can fit me-Oh you...haven’t gotten... what ...your wearing either?” Parroting the words back In slow motion as if it would make the words sound better or something!

Oh for fucks sake! Bringing your forehead flush to the marble bartop already feeling a full blown migraine brewing at the nape of your neck. Giving yourself a couple moments to self compose, this man is so damn unorganized it’s unfucking real. His personal assistant better be the 2nd highest paid person within his entire company because…..This is far from new, I don’t even know why your suprised and I’d say you don’t get paid enough for this....but ya do! So you suck it up, lose the attitude and slip right into your “Yes sir” or maybe I should say ‘Yes daddy” voice.

“Don’t worry about it, I know your busy. I totally get it, your a 28 waist right? Of course, I remember...I remember everything you tell me….Ohhh your gonna let me put you in color too???” Eyes flickering up to the notification from your bank, noting a cute little 12k wire pending.

“Yeah, no, I see it, that should be good. I was thinking Versace or Cavili for you anyway...they have good prints to fit the theme, and if all else fails I have my card too…yup..just landed about..hmm... 30 minutes ago actually. Of course, stop apologizing, Sunday's are always your golf days, I get it, hey, tell the guys I said hi and enjoy your day. Text me later if you feel up to it..k....bye..”

Were you actually getting a little flustered there towards the end? It's the slight accent, isn't it? Honestly, it didn't take much for you to slip into “character” with him, even after barely being together a full month. For one he wasn’t an asshole, had a decent sense of humor, and he’s really fuckin hot...however there was one, little, well shit, not so little issue...you noticed while with him recently. Which, then sparked quite a few questions while also answering some that had been rattling through your head since the day you met. But will circle back to the fact that you spent a week on vacation with a man, while dressed in some of the sexiest pieces of 2019 couture! Yet..you barely got touched once outside of a couple chaste kisses and hand-holding while at the two fashion shows you attended together… so, yeah, yeah!

A low groan in frustration rattled from your throat as you continued scrolling through Snapchat, trying to come up with some possible outfit scenarios in your head! It’s kinda funny, how mynute all of that seems now though, how your definition of “Stress” that day was you trying to decide if your sugar daddy was gay, while also  finding time to fit in a self-care day, shopping, and getting your books for school!!  The fact that, that was what you considered migraine worthy, fuck, what you wouldn’t give to consider multitasking your only maltitude of “stress” again …..

Just in your own little world, mind swirling with a couple of stylists you’ve met along the way, considering the idea of them pulling some vintage pieces for you instead!  What you should be doing, is scrolling through your contact list and texting said stylists, instead you find yourself more and more distracted.  Getting lost in the mounds of snap updates from Jimin as he “modestly” sunbathed in a private villa in Italy. Then later sharing a glimpse into his shopping spree from Versace, no doubt a good 20k worth of Italian luxury spread out along the plush white sheets. Sending him a cheeky little “That’s my boy” with a couple of smug winky faces in response!

It’s still kinda crazy to think, things like that are considered normal within your world now, the fact that you aren’t even surprised at the number of gifts. Or, simply the fact that your barley 21-year-old best friend is sunbathing in Italy on someone else’s dime. Then again, you just got sent 12 thousand dollars to spend on an event that would last maybe all of 5 hours, while sitting next to a stack of Louis Vuittion luggage from your first class flight in from Vegas, technically. Opting to land there first after a long 15-hour flight, checking in at The Four Seasons for not even a solid 24 hours before coming home! Honestly?There was no real reason for the pit stop except it gave you an excuse to see a friend while also allowing you to unwind in one of your favorite hotels!

That sentence alone is actually absurd when you really think about it, the idea of you casually booking flights and suites in 5-star hotels as if you’re ordering off the damn dollar menu at Mcdonalds! You, the girl that was working two jobs at the Groove and mourning a piece of shit cheating ex boyfriend her freshman year of college.....is now reminiscing about catching flights to chill with friends and last minute finding dresses for Couture themed galas.Like, what the actual fuck is life.... Oh my bad, life at the moment is constantly being paranoid that you and your friends will get arrested! Life in this moment however...was a fucking perfect!

The friend you where meeting in Vegas was Hoseok by the way, the redhead was currently vacationing in Sin City for the next couple of days, typically residing in LA as well. Just Chillin’ before the semester starts, living his best life, which revolves around “OFF-WHITE'' shopping sprees, private dance lessons, and constantly taking thirst trap pics for his 10’s of thousands of followers online. He randomly texts you saying “I miss your face” you text him saying “I land at 8 tonight bring a bottle and sushi to room 605 at The Four Seasons hotel '' Simple!

Your initial flight, the one that was 15 hours, was originally from Paris, where you spent the last week or so with Jeong-su, being arm candy, sipping wine, sightseeing and of course shopping!. Barley 32 hours ago your Snapchat looked pretty damn similar, if not worse in comparison to Jimin’s but what can I say, you can’t be in the home of Givenchy and Gaulthier and not go to Givenchy and Gaultier!

What your life is, what you and your friends do, I mean, I think it’s safe to say it’s pretty self-explanatory yeah? The average 20 something-year-old in college isn't flying themselves out of the country or going luxury shopping without a little help. In your case, it’s typically thanks to a person you commonly refer to as “Daddy” now, the context behind the word however….is where you and your friends may differ from others…..

But that’s your business, your concern and more importantly your choice, and honestly for a while life seemed too damn good to be true...I guess looking back on it now, I guess that’s because it kinda was!

Sat at the predominantly empty bar alone, more than content by the silence, twirling your straw between your lips, as you scanned back over the shit show that was your schedule for the semester! Getting more of a migraine from that, then shopping or even the fact that you're still hungover and drinking on an empty stomach at half-past 12. Shooting a quick text to your redheaded best friend cursing him out for getting you drunk off your ass on a bottle of Yamazaki 12.

“Can I get anything else for you beautiful? Another drink or maybe an appetizer? We have damn good loaded queso fries if I do say so myself!” Waving the menu in your face playfully, the warm, inviting voice in front of you was the bartender, who’s had his eye on you since you swayed in. Even if you looked like crap for your standards you knew to most you were the farthest thing from it as you swayed into the bar like you owned the place. In your heels, and tiny little black dress, while an airport assistant trolied in your luggage behind you! Ohhh Blair  Waldorf would without a doubt be proud!

“Mmmm…” Lips pursed in a slight pout as you raked over the menu, honestly, you were hungry and they have bomb ass fried pickles…..”Actually, yeah, I’ll get-”

“ 3 tall shots of whatever top-shelf Tequila you have, also add whatever she’s been drinking to my tab, along with an order of fried pickles with extra ranch…please and thank you!” Smoothly sliding his black card, and ID across the marble bartop for review.

Oh.

The look on the bartender’s face was fucking priceless, torn between shitting himself and maybe….nah, just straight shitting himself! Skin flushed, the sense of panic was clear as day,  wondering if he’d overstepped that fine line between customer service and filtration. Considering whoever the person behind you is, clearly knows you well enough to know your food order. A forced bashful smile playing along his lips as he bowed out in acknowledgment, sliding the gentelmen back is ID and whispering out a faint “Yes sir, coming right up…”

The base vibrating through your ears instantly had you readjusting your posture, a strong tingle running down your spine, back arching ever so slightly. A playful smirk playing along your lips as you slowly laced your tongue back around your staw, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“You sure you wanna do that? My tastes are pretty expensive..” Tone blatantly flirtatious, yet you still hadn’t bothered to even turn around, that’s when suddenly you hear a deep arrogant chuckle rumbling low in his chest. Only...this sounds a little brighter? And like it’s coming from your left instead of behind you…

“Mmm, I’m sure we can handle it baby….”

You could feel the air shift behind you, it felt warmer, and there was a strong mix of scents flooding through your nose. Leaning back in your seat, pleasantly finding your shoulders, the back of your neck, and your head, cradled against a lean wall of silk. Sighing contently, naturally letting your body melt into his frame, nose running into your face as you smiled so hard your cheeks hurt. That’s when a gangle of veiny, porcelain limbs wrapped around your shoulders pulling you even tighter against him, only to find brown, sharp, cat-like eyes staring down at you, though a pair of translucent designer shades. Seemingly a little bit amused at how excited you are to see him. Long dark wavy locks falling messily into his face, a tiny silver hoop dawning his button nose. Tongue playing at the corner of his mouth, letting the tiny silver ball slip between his lips. This angle lets you really appreciate how sharp, yet soft his features were, an oxymoron that honestly makes no damn sense unless you see him in person….jawline sharp enough to cut glass yet he has the cutest cheeks ever when he smiles. It honestly makes no sense whatsoever and he’s one of the many reasons you have trust issues. Well, that and your line of work, considering the number of men you find out are married and still try and sneak around with you.

Then, as if to just make his presence known, there’s another pair of hands making their home along your body, gently squeezing your thigh. Except, he’s polar opposite to the person I just described, the man behind you is your roommate Yoongi, the man who just took a seat to your left, is your other roommate Namjoon! First off, he’s tall as all hell, and an offensively perfect shade of brown, he can’t even go into the burbs without being asked what self-tanner he uses. In which he smugly replies “Genetics” letting them sit there and try and google said company that makes that brand of self-tan. Streams of meticulously placed colored neo-traditional tattoos paint his skin, accompanied by deep dimples, and bleach blonde hair styled into an undercut, sides buzzed into the perfect fade.

“So you gonna get up and give me a real hug or what???”  Placing a kiss in your hair as he pulled back, giving you room to hop out of your seat and right into his arms.

The Full thing is coming soon, this is from summer 2019, I just have to edit, and reread the full thing again! I also wrote the first 3 parts all at once..sooo if your exicted show this some love anddddddddd come let me know!

Love you as always,

Rocki

[wellnessroutines]

8 tips to overcome a weight loss plateau

Losing weight isn't really easy, when you invest a great deal of time and initiative into your fat burning goals without seeing any type of arise from all of your hard job, it can be downright dismaying. Amiright? Fortunately is that there are lots of great pointers and also tricks out there that could help you conquer an effective weight loss plateau without depriving on your own or investing many hours at the fitness center, and today I'm sharing 8 of my faves with all of you.

Who understood shedding those last 10 extra pounds can be so very easy?!

1. KEEP A FOOD JOURNAL

While I'm pretty great at maintaining a psychological note of what I consume, as well as understanding when I'm staying within my target calorie consumption for the day, it wasn't up until I began to record each point I eat utilizing a calorie tracker (I utilize My Physical fitness Buddy on my apple iphone) that I truly recognized where I had to make modifications. Generally, my diet plan was (and also still is!) very healthy and balanced with a terrific equilibrium of veggies, fruits, protein, and good fats, yet all the additionals I was consuming (the crusts of my little girl's smoked cheese sandwiches, a handful of chips occasionally, the periodic bite (or 4) of the delicious chocolate cake at dinner the other evening ...) were actually building up. By making the commitment to myself that I would compose down every single point I eat each day, I not only gained a far better understanding of which foods I must prevent, however I likewise ended up being a lot less most likely to treat between dishes. It's fantastic just what a difference a bit of accountability could make!

2. FOCUS ON SECTION SIZES

When I first began keeping a food diary, I was simply eyeballing my part sizes, but when the weight wasn't coming off I decided to take it a step additionally and also evaluate my food. As it turns out, I didn't know the initial point concerning part control. Those 3 tbsps of peanut butter I was having as my mid-day treat were in fact 6 tablespoons!!! I now try my hardest to gauge my parts appropriately, and it has made a big difference!

3. DRINK MORE WATER

I recognize. I understand. I obtain aggravated when individuals inform me to consume more water, too. Yet staying moisturized not just maintains you from really feeling puffed up and puffy, however it likewise loads your stomach so you do not eat way too much. I like to down a glass before each dish, and also whenever I obtain a craving for a late evening treat, I make a deal with myself: I'll have one glass of water, wait 20 mins, and also if I'm still starving I'll have a light snack.

4. LAY OFF THE ALCOHOL

While I'm the initial to confess that I delight in a glass of wine at the end of the day, I also understand that alcohol is my greatest restraint when it concerns slimming down as well as keeping it off. I locate booze dries out and bloats me, and while upping my water consumption could sometimes combat this negative effects, I locate it beside difficult to defeat food cravings when I have wine drifting around my body. Now, this isn't really to spoken that I stay away from alcohol completely, but I attempt to limit my consumption to a couple of evenings a week, and also I choose to indulge when I recognize I won't have access to a great deal of snacks.

5. RAISE YOUR PROTEIN INTAKE

For a very long time, I was consuming the majority of my protein in the late mid-day as well as night as I typically found I was past depriving at that time of day, yet after checking out concerning the correlation prior to healthy protein and also weight-loss, I started integrating lean protein right into each of my meals. The outcome has actually been quite fantastic - I feel complete much longer, I do not snack as much, as well as I'm seeing more take advantage of my toughness training sessions at the gym.

6. DITCH THE SODIUM

If you have a problem with bloating and also puffiness, try laying off excess salt for a few days as well as see if you notice a difference. When you do enjoy salted foods, make sure for it with added water. You'll be surprised at what a difference it makes!

7. SWITCH UP YOUR WORKOUTS

For about 2 years, I worked on the treadmill for HALF AN HOUR a minimum of 5 days a week, as well as while I at first saw some quite fabulous outcomes, I at some point got to a plateau as well as didn't understand just what to do regarding it. I enjoyed running and also really did not have the moment to do any of the classes at my fitness center, but really felt so defeated that despite exactly how tough I ran, my weight never ever moved. I at some point just accepted that it wasn't feasible for me to obtain back to my optimal weight, however when my child began full-day preschool in September and I began adding spin courses as well as weightlifting into the mix, I quickly observed a change. I now ensure I keep my exercises fresh, and also I am seeing results I never believed possible.

8. GET MORE SLEEP

I am the last person that must be talking you regarding sleep since I hardly ever obtain greater than 6 hrs of shut-eye an evening, however there is so much literature on the web supporting the idea that enhanced sleep aids with weight reduction, and also every instructor I've ever talked to has confirmed that obtaining sufficient sleep is keep to weight-loss. Let's make a bargain that we'll try to obtain 8 one hours of undisturbed rest each night, shall we?

If you located these suggestions practical, please share them on Pinterest!

And if you're looking for more wellness suggestions, examine out my Health and wellness board on Pinterest where I share all kinds of great healthy and balanced dishes, treats, and food as well as health and fitness tips and tricks!

[entirebodyexercise]

10 things I learned from Deepak Chopra`s yoga guru Tara Stiles

Hanging out in tree position with Tara Stiles resembles breathing sunshine. In her Soho workshop in New york city City, where she shows an unique type of yoga exercise she's established called Strala, we're all standing, one foot firmly rooted right into the floor, the various other hing on calf bone or quad, with our arms raised to the ceiling. We're gradually guiding side to side while a wonderful summer time track is playing (believe Lovely Day by Bill Withers, Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder or anything from Thievery Firm). When did yoga obtain so cool?

If you've ever felt annoyed by yoga exercise, believing it was only for those whose chakras lined up or the ability to twist into a cracker, then you ought to offer Strala Yoga a shot. Tara was let down by the yoga designs she experienced when she initially relocated to New York. There seemed to be as well several guidelines around a technique based on learning how to stretch your limits. "I thought a great deal of individuals really felt neglected or bad if they could not hit a particular pose. And that's not what yoga exercise should have to do with," Tara informed us in the Chatelaine workshop (she's created an exercise for our fall concern!). "Yoga is not regarding remaining in the ideal position. It's about linking with your breath."

So she started providing free courses in her house at 7 p.m. every night. She 'd clear a space in her living room. "I just wanted to make people really feel comfy so they could possibly loosen up and also connect to themselves. I played songs that individuals pay attention to, spoke in plain language as well as really did not act, you understand, like a large, pompous spiritual guru," says Tara. The classes ended up being so popular, individuals spilled out into her hallway.

Now-- after two publications, a prominent blog and a DVD series, an application co-developed with Deepak Chopra and also a yoga wear partnership with Reebok-- Tara runs an attractive workshop in Soho with her other half. (We obtained a preview of her new fall/winter collection for Reebok, and also let's simply state the cashmere cool off coat as well as super-soft skinny sweatpants are going to provide Lululemon some severe competition).

Tara created the name Strala after merging the words toughness, equilibrium and awareness together. She later discovered out in Swedish it means "emits light." It could be the high we're all still really feeling because our shoot with Tara, however I vow participants of the office are absolutely radiating something given that trying out a few of her poses.

While we don't want to ruin our fall tale just yet, here are 10 points we gained from Tara Stiles during recently's image shoot at the Chatelaine office.

1. Work in, don't work out " Find a task you're enthusiastic concerning. When I see people doing workouts they don't actually appreciate, they have this feeling of frustration, as well as they have the tendency to obtain trapped in this pattern of punishment and benefit. It's like, 'Oh I merely did this workout, I'm going to treat myself to a hamburger and french fries.' When you're exercising out of pleasure, you're not concentrating on the number of calories you have actually burnt or flexing your physical fitness. Instead you're taking advantage of just how you really feel. That translates into your physiology and your human brain chemicals and also all that good stuff. You simply really feel much better, as well as you make far better options. When you exercise, make the goal concerning really feeling great. Work in, do not exercise."

2. Act like a hybrid car " During yoga, I try not to clinch all my muscle mass. If you take a look at trees, which are the epitome of equilibrium, they're constantly relocating. It's not concerning holding porcelain presents, because life isn't like that. And during the day, I try not to obtain fazed by all the little anxieties. I try to resemble a fuel-efficient auto and stay unwinded as well as utilize my energy wisely. I look for means to locate the simplicity. You could begin your day off right if you just shut your eyes as well as take a breath for 3 or 4 minutes before you rise each early morning."

3. Bend the rules " When I was spoken with by a female from The New York Times, she told me she liked my method due to the fact that it was yoga exercise without all the hoo-ha. She was attempting to obtain me to articulate precisely just what I was doing, but I really did not desire to anger any of the other individuals doing yoga exercise around. She said, 'However you're damaging all the guidelines.' As well as I claimed, 'Yes, I know, but my intention is to allow people to discover their very own guidelines. Who made these regulations?' Occasionally if you have a lot of guidelines in your life it can attract a state of mind that makes you live much more drastically."

4. YouTube your workouts " I started my YouTube video clip routines so individuals can do them at house. But if you do not like my design, there are a lots of YouTube video clips out there that reveal you the best ways to do all sort of workouts. It's like on the internet purchasing health and fitness. If you're anxious or simply beginning, it's a wonderful method to obtain comfortable. Ask your friends to come over as well as do them with you. You could transform your living-room into your workshop."

5. The practice is the reward " You supervise of your capability to feel excellent. If individuals come near me after class as well as tell me, 'You made me feel so good,' I inform them, 'You made on your own really feel excellent!' Maybe I revealed you a certain pose or suggested your can breathe much deeper or avoid hurting your knee by turning it through this, however you transformed your life just by giving it a shot."

6. Move every day " Make sure you do something each day. Make it a program. You do not require to do a hr course on a daily basis, however locate time to relocate-- also if it's just for 10 or 20 mins. And also the fantastic thing is, the more you relocate the more you'll intend to relocate because you just really feel so much better. Pretty soon you start seeing outcomes, as well as you keep moving not since you wish to look much better however because you concern hunger for that fellow feeling."

7. Yoga exercise could aid you tap into the matrix " Yoga aids handle tension levels as well as it re-shapes your mind to really feel much better. There's a part of your mind-- yogis call it the 3rd eye-- as well as it is accountable for imagination and intuition. When you practice meditation, or do yoga (which is moving reflection), you reinforce it like a muscle. That's why people feel more innovative or influenced after yoga courses. You start feeling even more linked. Your body works much more effectively. It's form of like coming to be Neo in The Matrix. You start seeing a lot more possibilities. And it benefits everybody, due to the fact that you could feel your means into the positions and also find your very own version. It's refraining from doing recurring bicep swirls or lunges that only function a particular location. Yoga exercise requires you to move every part of your body as you attempt to locate balance."

8. Knit for stress relief " I unwind by weaving. It started when I was composing my very first publication and I was hesitating. I walked by a shop in Soho and also these ladies were weaving inside. Their yarn was candy-coloured and also extremely rather. I went in and also obtained a package as well as currently I'm addicted. It really feels rather meditative also." (Examine out her latest cooperation with Wool and the Gang.)

9. Delight in healthier desserts " For a snack, I love mixing a banana as well as clementine oranges together into a shake. It's similar to a creamsicle. I constantly keep a few peeled bananas in the fridge freezer. Sometimes I throw a frozen banana and also some peanut or almond butter with a little cacao into a high-powered blender or food processor. It's preferences also much better than soft-serve ice lotion." Watch this video clip to see how it's made.

10. Exercise is an operate in progress " I seem like everyone gets the gift of stamina or flexibility. And also you invest the remainder of your life working on the various other one, which is awesome. I'm normally versatile and could be in the divides all day long. When it comes to running a trip of stairways or holding plank position-- that things is truly difficult for me. So I make time to practice it. Have persistence with yourself since it's all a process. You're constantly feeling better."

Check out our fall issue for a lot more from Tara Stiles.

[redbeautynarcotics]

Two Angels Born In One Day

On Tuesday, August 20th 2019 we lost our twin babies. It has been a doomed pregnancy from the start from the first time that my wife started bleeding and asked me what I thought about it. From the beginning I always tried to cling to hope and reassure her that there was a plausible explanation. A brief Google search would quickly lend to the idea that this was a normal thing that most women go through in the 1st trimester. However, after a few more bouts of bleeding I found myself sitting in class one night when I got a frantic text that my wife needed to go to the ER now!!! I drove 30 minutes as quickly as I could not knowing what was going on, called my neighbor to go check on her, and ripped into the driveway. In the back of my mind, I was hoping that this wasn’t her just making things up but of course I would never go there. Our neighbor offered to watch our 1 year old son since he had already gone to bed for the night and we quickly headed out to the hospital that was only 5 minutes away. What followed was five hours of questions, tests, ultrasounds, and waiting followed by the much anticipated answer that... everything pointed to the twins not making it. It was the scariest place for a parent to be. I knew immediately that we were in for a rough journey. The next day, my wife called her doctor’s office and they brought her in to take another ultrasound and lend their opinion which was strict bed rest. We also had a follow up appointment with a specialist shortly after that and got some better news that there was a chance the babies could make it after all. We of course wanted the best outcome possible and placed our worries aside. For three weeks, my wife laid in bed only getting up to use the bathroom and to shower. I did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and watched our 1 year old as he learned to walk and quickly began to wander all over the house on two legs. It was the best of times... it was the worst of times. Then came August 20th. We woke up early that morning because we had to be at the doctors appointment by 8am. We left the house a little late, ran into traffic, and ended up getting to the office 20 min late. In most cases, we would expect the doctor to stick around, knowing that this was an extremely high risk pregnancy and this was her first real checkup with her assigned OBGYN. Imagine our surprise when we were told she had already left and we would have to either come back 4 hours later or a week from then. We chose to wait in town... a decision that I will wonder about for the rest of my life. The hours went by somewhat quickly, we shopped, we ate, we enjoyed time out of the house. I dropped my wife off at the doctors office yet again and took our son across town to nap. 1.5 hours after her appointment was supposed to begin, I got frantically texted that I had to come help her immediately. I called to see what was going on and my worst fears were realized, she was going into labor. Being that she was at a doctors office, I had the opinion that there would be something that they could do, whether it be comforting her, preventing shock, or at the worst calling an ambulance but of course they chose to do nothing. I somehow got across town in record time, dropping our son off at my sisters who miraculously lived nearby. I then raced into the parking lot, up the stairs and brushed past the reception to find my wife. There she was white as a ghost in an exam room, shaking like a leaf, screaming, and bleeding all at once. I got her to lay down, turned the AC off and ran all around the room looking for a blanket to throw over her. I then ran out of the room to get people to do something, and although I raised my voice and made everybody in the office aware of the situation, nobody cared. That was something I will never understand. Finally, after causing a stir, a nurse practitioner came into her exam room, laughed at me, did a brief exam to see if her cervix was closed and then told me I needed to load my wife in the car and take her to the ER 20 min away through peak rush hour traffic to do a mere “stress test” and see why my wife was freaking out. At no time did I feel that we were being taken seriously or that anybody cared that we were about to lose our twins. So there we went, me driving as quickly as I could, making very slow progress and trying to keep my head clear while my wife screamed in agony. Finally, after waiting at a traffic light for what felt like ages, and seeing blood and parts of her placenta come pouring out, I knew that things had kicked into high gear and I needed to call reinforcements. I pulled into a parking lot and called 9-1-1. The phone took forever to place the call and the ringer dialed for a minute before anybody answered. By the time I got through, my wife was screaming at the top of her lungs over and over and I was afraid to look inside the car to see what was going on. I could barely get through a sentence without sobbing, knowing that this was it for the babies, that we wouldn’t be having them early next year and hearing my wife panicking as she tried not to embrace what was about to happen. Where I had pulled over happened to be a mile away from a really good hospital and it had never occurred to me to take my wife there, since the nurse had made it seem like things were fine and we had just been over-exaggerating. The ambulance and a firetruck showed up and I was asked question after question that I tried to answer as quickly as possible. They put her on a stretcher still screaming, contractions were coming in less then a minute, and I was doing my best not to lose it. The ambulance pulled away and I tried to follow but ended up hitting every single red light along the way. When I got to the hospital, I was in a daze... I called my parents at some point to get their prayers and support and then I went into the ER to find her. I was confronted by a nurse and told I needed to talk to security who not realizing the extremes of the situation told me to wait in the lobby. After a few seconds, someone came and told the security guard to get me in there right away and he personally escorted me back. I am sure that they told him something because he rushed me to my wife’s side, grabbed my shoulder and told me to be strong. When I arrived in the trauma room, the air was filled with the screams of my wife as she continued to not only experience the full pain of child birth but also was on the edge of losing not one baby but two. These screams were so much louder and filled with emotion then the screams she had uttered when she had birthed our son a year before. I took my place at her side, held her hand and did my best not to cry and to calm her. She was administered copious amounts of medication of multiple kinds and the doctor somewhat abruptly informed us that she was having a miscarriage. As calmly as the doctor said it, there was no assurance that this was such a routine thing for parents to experience (1-4 pregnancies). We were losing our children and there was no turning back. Little less then five minutes passed by and the ER doc placed himself in between my wife’s legs with the foreceps he would use to pull our lifeless twins and the placenta from the birth canal. My wife settled into the drug haze and now calmly told the hospital staff that she couldn’t watch and didn’t want to know what was happening (although this is standard procedure). I had to watch, there was no way I could tear myself from this moment and the desire to catch a glimpse of what could have been our sons or daughters. Out came a very red, three inch long body with perfect fingers and toes. This small being was attached to what looked like a silver string, that made up the very young umbilical cord. If it hadn’t been our child and the fact that it was dead, this moment would have been awe inspiring. A wave of emotion and also peace spread throughout my mind and body. It was over, but we would live on. The doctor asked if I wanted to hold the bodies and I did, I spread my hands and the nurse placed one of the twins on them. My wife stirred and decided that she wanted to look after all. I remember her admiring the toes, the fingers, and the ears among others things and how tiny they were. Shortly after this she started weeping uncontrollably and saying she was sorry over and over. I told her that it wasn’t her fault and we couldn’t have prevented this. The nurses were crying at this point and the doctor admitted that it was hard for him because his wife was pregnant as well at the time. The nurses took the bodies out of sight and we settled in to a long night of recovery. Eventually I went out into the lobby where my parents were and recounted what had happened earlier in the day. They comforted me as best they could, arranged to pickup and take care of our 1 year old for a couple days, and hugged me goodbye. When I returned to my wife, she was much more composed and I asked her if I could have her best friend come to keep us company and console her. She said yes and I summoned her. Her friend Kim spent nearly five hours by the bedside asking us how we were, speaking words of encouragement, and getting us much needed items for our hospital stay. It was nearly midnight when we were finally taken to the main hospital and given a room to stay in. We quickly fell asleep and slept most of the night. I woke up at 5am to finally start the grieving process and to clear my head. For over an hour I cried and cried, listened to songs that people had written about losing their child, and wishing that things had turned out different. The next day was long but we finally got to go home around 10pm. It was when we had gotten home that my wife finally broke down and also started grieving. It has now been a little over four days since we lost them, we are slowly healing but have a long way to go. The hardest part is finding a direction to start moving in once again, to find a new normal, and to decide how we are going to use this experience moving forward. There are so many unknowns and things to consider but this moment in time has changed the course of our lives completely. We are so much more concerned about the well fare of our family and each other and so much less concerned about thing external to this. I hope that in time we will have another child, and I hope that the journey won’t be so scary or that we will have a similar result. I don’t think that either of us could bear that honestly. However, there is great potential that through this pain we can grow stronger, help others have have gone through it, and share our story with anyone who will listen. I hope that life gets better from here.