#and not to mention just the general stress of two family members dying + work + life in general

[doyouknowhoyouare]

actually kms

[tablestakesyogi]

Jek's Miracle

Martina, Jek, Elo and Ike Martina and Jek are people you can count on.  They are poor by western standards, but they have big hearts. They are raising four kids of their own, but also have taken care of dozens of their nieces, nephews and aunties who come from even leaner circumstances. It’s who they are, and it’s what is expected in their community. Martina is originally from the island of Sumba. Thanks to our friend Ibu Gedong, she lived with us in Berkeley for three years, and helped raise Max when he was a baby. She had met Jek before coming to America and planned to marry him.  However, Martina was a careful young woman, and vowed to make sure that Jek didn’t play around too much while she was away.  Fortunately, he lived up to her high expectations, and she married him and moved to his home island of Flores.  We have visited them several times over the past several years at their simple home in Maumere and have admired their generosity and the love and service they give to their family and community. 

Jek and his daughter Ike talking to a fisherman I’ve traveled to many places in the world that are destitute, so I wasn’t particularly shocked that Maumere was poor but it was also very dry. Probably poor because it’s dry since there’s very little rainfall on the coastal plain where it sits and only a few puny streams flow down from the mountains. That means meager water resources to grow food or support industry.  Martina and Jek rank among the middle class in Maumere mainly because Jek earned a college degree and worked for many years for development organizations building schools and hospitals throughout eastern Indonesia. Martina is an enterprising woman who has raised pigs and chickens and ran a small snack shop outside their front door. Jek had also bought a two-hectare piece of land he hoped to farm which is located a mile from their house. Middle class in Maumere means they live in a simple tin house with an outdoor kitchen where they cook over a wood fire. Importantly, however, they can afford to take care of their family members from both Flores and Sumba who need a home and a meal.

Martina, Jek with their family + Ibu and Pak When I visited them in 2019, they were having a hard time. A few months before Jek had refused to allow a corrupt government official to skim money off a hospital project he was directing. The price he paid for this honesty was his job. He decided to focus on turning his property into a farm and he was raising goats and trying to grow corn.  But there wasn’t enough water and the crops died, and soon after so did the goats.  Martina’s pig business also hit hard times after a wave of Asian swine flu killed all her animals. In April 2023, I visited them again with my Balinese friends Puji and Putu joining me.  I warned them that they would see a generous but very poor family.  However, when we arrived, I noticed a new brick house under construction next door. I inquired if they had new neighbors, but Martina said it was their new house.  In the backyard, the pig stalls were once again full of grunting, hungry and growing animals. After a sumptuous meal, we all decided to take a walk up to the farm.  Again, I warned Puji and Putu that we were likely to see a tangle of dry and dying crops and some skinny goats.  It was getting dark when we arrived, but as we rounded the last hill, the landscape was bathed in bright lights from a structure above the farm. And instead of the scrubby goat pasture I’d seen before there was row after row of healthy corn stalks with pipes and irrigation ditches bringing the plants a bountiful supply of water. 

I was flummoxed by the transformation of the farm, not to mention the new house and thriving pig farm. It took a while for Jek to tell me the story because my Indonesian language skills are weak.  But here’s what he told me: About a year before he was stressed because after losing his job and the pig farm, there just wasn’t enough money to provide for his family.  He had hoped to make a go of farming, but there was no chance due to the lack of water.  So, he had gone up to the top of the farm and sat on a rock where he often meditated.  This time he asked God for a miracle. He specifically asked for water to help grow his crops and feed his family. Jek and Martina have close relationship with God and Jesus.  Like most of the other people on Flores they are Catholic, a religion which arrived with the Portuguese colonists.  It’s a different kind of Catholicism though because it overlays the original animist religion that was here before. It’s a religion alive with ancestors and spirits which are everyday parts of Martina and Jek’s life.

Yes, that's Mother Mary looking over Martina and I About two weeks after his prayer, Jek met a man walking around his property.  The man said he was a water surveyor and wanted to do a test well.  Jek agreed.  A few weeks after that he found out that there is a vast aquifer under his farm which would supply enough water for the entire town of Maumere.  The municipal water authority said they would like to lease the rights to the water.  While Jek considered this, the water agency also found an aquifer on another property.  That owner wanted a substantial sum of money for the water rights.  Jek didn’t think this discovery was about money.  “This was a gift from God and an answer to my prayer,” he told me. “I didn’t think it would be right to take money for what God had given.”  The water agency and Jek worked out an agreement in which he would lease them the rights to the water in exchange for water for his farm, and his house.  The rest would be sent by pipeline down to the thirsty town of Maumere. Jek was already well respected in Flores. But his gift of water to the people of Maumere was a very big deal on the island.  He was at his house one day when a delegation of local leaders arrived.  He served them tea while they asked him to be a candidate to the provincial parliament. He subsequently agreed and will be on the ballot this February when elections are held in Indonesia.

As a retired political consultant, I quizzed Jek how he planned to remind the voters of the bounty he had given to his community.  He failed to take my very valuable advice and reminded me: “Pak Dave this water was a miracle from God. It’s not for me to brag about.” Read the full article

[demonslayedher]

Buriko-Senpai! This is such a wonderful blog to read, and I love your art so much! It's so nice to see other traditional artists out there! What's your thoughts on the demon slayer marks and their affects after Muzan's defeat? Do you think they're a purely physical effect, or a supernatural curse like Ubuyashiki's? It seems like in the latter case it would be lifted? In Tanjiro's status report, he mentions wanting everyone to be happy "when he's gone", and hints of preparation for the future...

Thank you for the kind words on my art! (≧◡≦) Glad to know people like the style, I like the feel of trad art both for the final product and how the pen feels in my hand, haha~. I love all the additional possibilities in digital art, but will leave that to the people who are good at it. Glad you find my blog a good read too, because we’ve got another lengthy read ahead.

As for the mark and whether it works in a purely physical sense or a curse sense, I'm ok thinking of it in either way, depending on its purposes in post-canon fanwork (but of course, you can do whatever you want in fanwork totally inventing the mark or completely ignoring it too). As Gotouge never states exactly what becomes of Tanjiro, Giyuu, and Sanemi, I don’t feel we can declare it working one way or another. We'll consider it from both angles, but in general, I think canon evidence leans toward an avoidable physical impact. Even that, however, leaves room for interpretation on strict "25" might be or not.

If we approach the curse direction first, the worldbuilding surrounding the Ubuyashiki curse gives a lot of framework for the mark being a curse. The second fanbook even gives us more circumstance and age-related perimeters that seem very arbitrary, like how only one male will survive each generation and how the daughters will also die young by sudden illness or accident if they don’t marry out. As the curse is tied to Muzan’s/demons existence, it is completely lifted once Muzan is eradicated, but Kiriya still anticipates dying in his 20’s and does not feel relieved that it’s gone until he’s in his 30’s. This would put Giyuu and Sanemi in their 50’s if they’re still around, and with their own curses effectively gone, they’d probably have spent the past couple decades insisting to Kiriya that he can relax.

If the rebound of the mark is a supernatural curse, there are a couple other things that make sense about this to me, in the light of cosmic justice at play in this universe. First, it’s a general rule in a lot of philosophies and other works of fiction that to gain something powerful, you must pay the price and sacrifice something. Second, the Ubuyashiki family is cursed to carry the sins of one of its members until they can stop that demon member. While Demon Slayers may not necessarily be carrying the sins of demons, we see demon marks at play in this series first, though its effects are not clear until we see how Nezuko is stronger when her vines appear. A Demon Slayer also gaining extra strength like this is, perhaps, taboo.

As for the mark being a purely physical effect, I think the emphasis on physical effects of the mark (especially how in Chapter 129 Muichiro analyzes its effects on body temperature and the heart), and how throughout the manga it is continually stressed that the Demon Slayers are mere humans even if Breath helps them push the natural limits of human ability, lend to a more physical interpretation that in order to push so far past normal limits, it has to borrow against the natural human lifespan. This is how the characters in-universe also interpret its effects. If we look more into what Muichiro says:

Muichiro: The anger was too strong for me to have any handle on my emotions. I believe that in that moment, my heartrate exceeded 200 beats, and my body felt as hot as though it was burning. My temperature would had measured at least 39 degrees or more. Shinobu: !? Could you move like that? That would be life-threatening. Muichiro: Right. That’s why I think it’s a matter of falling into one category or another. Whether you die or survive that moment is what determines whether a mark will appear or not. Amane: A heartrate of over 200, and why a temperature of 39 degrees? Muichiro: That’s because when I was received treatment at Kocho-san’s place I was running a fever. When my temperature was taken, the thermometer read 39 degrees. At the time I would have been said to have a mark appear, my body was just as feverish.

(For reference, according to searching with the same terms used in the original text, your top heartrate is 220 minus your age, making Muichiro's 206 beats per minute. The average for someone in their 20's is 120~140, somewhat hard exercise would put it at 150, and hard exercise puts it at 170, according to the Borg scale. Normal body temperature in Celsius is 37 degrees; while 39 C = 102.2 F.)

If we look back at when Tanjiro is first facing off against Daki, he considers how he gets more power out of Hinokami Kagura than from Water Breathing because it suits his body better, but he is not yet physically capable of the switch between them. As he psyches himself out in Chapter 77, we see that he has physically been trying to prepare himself for this, and he’s shouting at himself to set his heart ablaze. Clearly, Tanjiro is leaning into that advice from Rengoku-san, and if he’s on his way to getting the mark, he’s been taking that advice somewhat literally.

In Chapter 78, as he purposely raises his own temperature to fight the side effects of switching to Hinokami Kagura, we get a flashback that Kiyo-chan was very worried that Tanjiro was running a temperature of 38 degrees (100.4 F) for three days, but Tanjiro begged her not to tell Shinobu yet because he felt fine in that sustained feverish state, and was able to put more power into Hinokami Kagura that way. (This may also be part of why the mark seems to have a different effect on Sun Breath users, as their body draws from this power in a more sustained way.)

We can probably think of most of the other Breath Users who attained the mark as having gotten it in a similar way to Muichiro. In a fit of high emotion and desperate battle, their body pulled from its natural reserves, and similar to a human and/or demon being exposed to lots of Muzan’s cells all at once and either dying or quickly adapting, they attained a mark and relied on that temporary extra burst of strength. While it either happens or doesn’t happen for the others (Muichiro plainly states he was unaware of a mark’s appearance) based on being the flow of tense battle, Himejima seemed to have gained enough ability that he could choose when he wanted to tap into that power. When we’re first left not knowing what else Amane told the Pillars, Himejima openly wonders what would happen in his case (seeing as he is over the age of 25). In the third light novel, we get a brief scene of Himejima pulling Muichiro aside after that meeting to ask if he’s alright with this, since he’s just found out that he has no chance already of living a long life. Muichiro is fine and wonders about Himejima, who is also fine with this. They both are willing to do whatever it takes to fight Upper Moons and know their survival has never been assured. Himejima goes on to say similar things to Kokushibo in Chapters 169 and 170, when we the readers are finally told about the limited life expectancy. The two of them both sort of expect Himejima to drop dead that night because of his limited stores to draw from. Himejima would had preferred to not raise his temperature so much until facing Muzan (seeing as he knows he’ll be racing against time), but knows he has no choice but to start while facing Kokushibo. Kokushibo is somewhat impressed with his control of getting a mark and his preparation to die, and he finds it a waste of Himejima’s ability and likewise is like, “why not preserve your flesh as a demon” because, as we find out in Kokushibo’s flashbacks in Chapter 178, this was part of what motivated him to accept Muzan’s blood. He couldn’t handle the frustration of his polished techniques being wiped out by a short life span, especially since it would mean he was soon out of time to match or best Yoriichi. If we go back to that conversation between Himejima and Kokushibo, Kokushibo loses his cool (hahaha, that feels like a bit of a pun here) the moment Himejima is like, “there was one exception to the rule though, wasn’t there?” I suspect that Yoriichi was the exception partly due to Sun Breathing being a more perfected, sustained form of pushing the limits of human capability, and Yoriichi being born naturally perfect at it, so his body didn’t need to scramble looking for extras sources of power like hastily (or slowly) borrowing against his lifespan. What’s very interesting about Kokushibo is that he also regularly sustained his mark, so perhaps it’s possible he could had lived past 25? Here's what really key: We also don’t know about these early marked users. Did they regularly sustain their marks, or did they only show up regularly when they battled demons, repeatedly borrowing against their future lifespan? Or was it a one-off thing for each of them, like it was for Giyuu and Sanemi? It’s possible that even if Giyuu and Sanemi are doomed to shorter lives, since they both only had the marks for relatively short periods of time on a single night, they might well exceed 25 years. The fact that Gotouge gave them descendants (as opposed to only implied reincarnations), and because they are both characters generally written as dense in the ways of love and close personal relationships, that sort of implies they needed some time before leaving behind offspring, and I hear a lot of voices in the fandom displeased with the idea of them leaving children behind when they know they won't be around to raise them. Since we don't know any canon details on this, let's cut the boys some slack and say they took a chance on being happy. After all, all their time in the Corp already teaches them tomorrow is never assured.

Side note while we’re on the Sanemi topic, he attains his mark right after Himejima brings his own forth (because Himejima is a badass who can just be like, “ok, now”). While he comments to Himejima what a good idea it was to do Pillar Training so he could attain that powerful state, it’s also possible that being in the presence of someone who already had one was part of what triggered Sanemi’s body to access that state as well. The nature of the mark’s spread from person to person is another tick in the “supernatural curse” box if people like that interpretation more.

Let’s take a look back at Tanjiro, though.

Tanjiro, our special Hinokami Kagura boy, was already a special case for his own knowledge of Sun Breathing (however imperfect), and his own sustained mark (though as Genya notes in Chapter 134, it tends to transform slowly, and as Tanjiro remarks in response to Shinjuro’s comments in Chapter 81, his mark was not something he was born with like the original Sun Breath user was, it was but a childhood injury which took on a different shape when he was injured at the Final Selection). While Amane cites him as the one who started the trickle of marks appearing again, we know in the Pleasure Quarter arc than Tanjiro was been unknowingly training himself to make the mark appear, like the Pillars later tried to do in training.

Tanjiro also, however, has the very unique experience of undergoing repeated cruel and unusual suffering in battle against Muzan, basically dying, turning into a demon with more of Muzan’s cells than any other demon in history, and turning human again with man-made medicine all in the span of about two hours.

We can’t really compare Tanjiro’s case to Giyuu’s and Sanemi’s very easily. Besides the slightly different nature of his mark (which Muzan says will still kill him anyway if he becomes human again, but whether he says that based on a cosmic rule or historical precident, we don't know), we simply don’t know all the details of how Tanjiro's flesh has been affected by everything that happened to him in that two hour period. It seems safe to say that becoming a demon is what saved his life since it rebuilt his flesh and supercharged life back into him, but since he wasn’t a demon long enough to have fully integrated those new cells, the entirely reconstructed parts of him (his left arm and right eye) are essentially lifeless. However, there may still be some amount of reclaiming that his body did during his demon minutes, for the whole right side of his face should be paralyzed (yet he can still use it expressively), and there was probably internal damage throughout his entire body and other various injuries (like stabbing himself) which were repaired enough for him to survive. Had he been a demon longer (long enough that his body with Muzan’s memories likely would had broken down the medicine Kanao gave him), my guess is that he would had fully integrated these body parts, like how Nezuko gets to keep her legs despite all the times they were blown or chopped off.

But we also know that Tanjiro had to take a few months to recover (his visitors looked like they waited the whole three months before getting permission to see him), and that his condition allows him to live and work, but he generally is in a weakened state. Again, rather than only having borrowed (on multiple occasions) against his own lifespan, we don't know the extent of the damage and repair he's undergone.

While he’s got 25 as a historical benchmark to anticipate, and as you mention, he does seem to fully anticipate that early demise, his case is so unique that it could go in any direction. Tanjiro might live longer than 25, as this would give him time to pass on Hinokami Kagura to at least his eldest son, but like Tanjuro, he’d probably have a pretty weak constitution for the rest of his dwindling life. But also worth noting, the phrase is that they die by at least age 25. That means some of the Warring States era swordsmen probably died before that age. (｡•́︿•̀｡) I don't feel this is likely for Tanjiro, Giyuu, and Sanemi, but it is worth noting as a possibility.

[theravenclawrevolutionary]

For those of you interested in my novel

So I’ve gained quite a few new followers recently and seeing as I post about my novel more often and more consistently than anything else I thought I’d provide some more information on it. @jefflion also said they’d be interested in hearing more about it, so this is also for them.

All posts about my novel are tagged ‘robespierre novel’ and starting today will be tagged ‘The Incorruptible Corrupted’.

There’s a lot I can ramble about here, so if you’re interested everything I feel ready to reveal right now is under the cut. If you don’t care pls go ahead and scroll.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed by my tags my novel is about Maximilien Robespierre. Just like everything else on this blog. To be more specific, I’m writing a biographical historical fiction that follows the course of his life from the time he’s born to his execution. I’m sure you’ve all seen those sort of books before.

I’m hoping to make it as historically accurate as I possibly can while still making it an enjoyable fiction novel. My book’s going to contain historical figures and events as well as original characters and events to fill in what we don’t know about Robespierre’s life.  As of right now it’s roughly 41,000 words long and I’m going to keep writing until I reach the end of Maxime’s life so the length is completely undecided.

Currently the working title is ‘Maxime’ because I have no better ideas and I already used the freaking awesome title of ‘The Incorruptible, Corrupted’ as the title of my most successful Wattpad work which is a 10,000 word novella also about Robespierre. So if anyone has any good ideas, please suggest them. I really need some.

The fancy little book description blurb reads as follows:

Revolutions change everything, especially the individuals involved in them and fate has a strange way of calling people.

At the beginning of his life, it would have been impossible to know that Maximilien Robespierre would go from a small-town scandal to the most powerful man in France. The quiet boy born in Arras with his mother's green eyes and none of his father's flightiness showed no early signs of a relentless revolutionary leader, determined to overthrow the oppressive monarchy. Yet by the actions of others, his own skill, and his intelligence Maximilien finds himself navigating the dangerous and everchanging world of revolutionary France, thrust onto a fragile pedestal of leadership, handcrafted by his ideals.

It’s very character driven (I mean it really has to be because all of Max’s choices are legit the plot.) and it’s insanely fun to transform Max from a carefree little boy in Arras to someone stressed, broken, and thrust into awful situation after awful situation! That low key sounds kinda sadistic, but it’s fine... right? Lol. But I feel like I’m able to really develop my characters and give everyone fully fleshed out personalities and everything. I dunno. I just feel like it’s helping me understand the time period and historical figures better. Also I get to learn all kinds of cool stuff I never would have needed to research without trying to write this book.

It’ll probably end up being a book for high school kids and older seeing as some of the topics in it are suited to slightly older audiences, including but not limited  to:

Swear words, mild gore, mentioned suicide attempts, (possible) implied sexual content, scenes containing violence, time-period typical prejudices, mental illness, and death.

I plan on handling those topics as carefully and respectfully as possible to remain as accurate to history as I can while respecting those who have issues with these subjects.

There’s also average stuff though. It talks a lot about family, friendships/loss of friendships, romance, crushes, and growing up, all stuff you would find in non-historical books.

As a member of the LGBT+ community I want to make sure that my books have adequate LGBT+ representation. History wasn’t straight 100% of the time so representation will definitely be included in my interpretation of some historical figures and the original characters. Currently I have a few characters who are asexual, bi-romantic, bisexual, and gay.

 Highlights include:

Max with motion sickness (especially him throwing up on Charlotte during a carriage ride as a kid)

Augustin getting bit by one of his brother’s birds and having a scar for the rest of his life

Camille being nicknamed Cami

At least three people being in love with Max throughout the book and him being oblivious every time

A friend-group consisting of an inelegant girl and her just as chaotic twin brother, a red head and his British cousin who lives in France now, two quiet geniuses, and occasionally the twins’ older brothers who have nothing better to do

One of Max’s aunts straight up telling him his mom is dying and regretting it as soon as she says it

Max making a friend on accident while hiding at school and being an absolute icon for not being a racist (said character is mixed, but has a light enough complexion to attend school during the time period)

The number of times Maxime has a panic attack or almost faints

Six year old Max chasing four year old Charlotte with a worm, falling in the mud, and losing a tooth

The time eleven year old Max gets KISSED and doesn’t realize the girl kissing him likes him

Max being upset that an eleven year old isn’t allowed to take classes with fourteen year olds for developmental reasons

Camille and Max accidently hating each other, becoming roommates at school, and becoming pretty much best friends all in one day

The most boring school in the world

I legit could talk about my book for ages, but this post is long enough already so  I’ll chill out a little. if you guys have anything to ask about it that I haven’t covered here please lemme know. And of course as usual, the same goes for any other questions pertaining to the French revolution in general.

~Dara

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #438

“i won’t let you die, keep you alive just to remind you of what you are not”

What is your favorite card game? Probably Magic: The Gathering, even though I'm not great at it. I just ADORE the artwork, mainly. Is YouTube one of your favorite websites? Yeah, given I'm constantly on it. Does your mother have a sister? If so, what’s her name? Yeah, named Kelly. What are you doing tomorrow? I'll be going with Mom to the pool at the gym. She goes Tuesdays and Thursday, so I'm going to start joining her to help ease soreness from my exercise days. Would you ever want to go to Africa? It's high on my bucket list! I am DESPERATE to visit the KMP and photograph and pet and pamper the meerkats. :') Last time you went bowling? Not since I was on a date with Girt. Would you ever want to own a bakery? Noooo, I don't enjoy cooking of any sort. I'm way too impatient. Do you like to text? It's funny, I don't enjoy it as much as I used to. I make typos too much and autocorrect only wants to work at the WRONG time, it seems. I'd still rather text than actually talk on the phone, though. You want your next pet to be what? To be realistic, it'll probably be a western hognose snake. I REALLY want a tarantula, but Mom absolutely will not allow it for as long as I live with her, lol. Trust me, I've pestered her about it. Would you rather be a vampire or a mermaid? Eh, probably a vampire. Do you prefer white or black electronics? Black. Do you like Nerds candy? Yeah. Is your favorite animal something you can have as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why you absolutely shouldn't, but it's sadly legal in some countries. Thankfully, not America. What was the last classic novel you read? Did you enjoy it? Oh yikes, I have no idea. Name three movies which have a soundtrack you really love: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, Tarzan, and The Blair Witch Project: Book of Shadows. What’s the scariest video game you’ve ever played? I know it's super cliche, but I genuinely found Outlast terrifying. As well, SCP Containment Breach is a game I can't even play because the jumpscares startle me too much, lol. They're just too loud. Do you own any pet fish? What kind of fish are they? No. I'm not really interested in keeping fish as pets. What is the most irritating thing that a boyfriend or girlfriend has ever done to you? Tyler wanted to talk CONSTANTLY. Barely even two weeks in and he got all bent out of shape over there being days we just didn't text. Like dude, especially this early in a relationship, I don't want to talk 24/7. He acted like we were together for years or some shit. Like sorry I want alone time. That relationship was just a bad idea. Have you ever known someone who was in an abusive relationship? Sadly. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Probably Girt. He's just in general very smart. When yawning, do you cover your mouth? If out in public, yes. If you had a garden, what would you plant in it? Would you actually tend to it, or would it wind up neglected & withered? I could NEVER maintain a garden, but if I had the motivation and tolerance for the heat, that'd be nice. I'd love mostly flowers, and a grapevine would be pretty! Plus some strawberries. Do you like peanut butter? Yeah, definitely. What about marshmallows? Yep. How do you roast your marshmallows? They have to be BARELY brown at all. Like it has to be the liiightest toast. Do you eat s’mores? Ugh, hell yes. I really want some now, thanks. Own a lava lamp? No, but I'd love a pink one. :( Or black. Own any sort of glow-in-the-dark room accessory? No. Ever done something sexual in public? No, I have common decency. Do you like the taste of squid or eel? I COULD FUCKING NEVER TRY EITHER. Slimy or rubbery stuff like that is such a massive no. Ever date anybody in middle school? Yeah, Aaron in the 7th grade for a few months. Did you like to get dirty when you were little? I think I did. Like I know I loved speeding through mud puddles on my bike as a kid. Own anything that has to do with dragons or unicorns? I have a lot of dragon decor. Ever wanted to be a vet? Yep. Ever written your number in a public bathroom or a school text book? If so, did anyone actually call you? No. What type of weapon do you prefer? Uh, none...? I don't like weapons. Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? No, not really. Would you rather watch a full season of American Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance? The latter, by far. I used to love that show. I really enjoy watching dances. Have you ever worn boxers? Pretty sure no? Last hickey was from? I've only gotten to that point with one person, you can figure it out. Have you ever put a kick me sign on the back of someone? No, that is so rude. Are there any inappropriate pictures of you anywhere? No. I've never taken an inappropriate picture. How many times do you tend to sneeze in a row? Two or three. Karma; believe or don’t? I don't believe it's a thing. I wish it was. Ever changed a diaper? Once. Or maybe twice? No plans on ever doing that again. When you see anything smaller than a quarter on the ground, do you pick it up? I don't even pick quarters up, really. Can bald guys ever be attractive? Um, yes? Do you like hugs? Yessss. Would you ever donate blood? Yeah, I have before. I'd just have to get better about drinking water so I don't faint. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Ever had the opposite sex over when no one was home? You make that sound so scandalous, lmao. Yeah. What is the last song to make you cry? "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Have you ever kissed someone in the rain? Yeah. Have you kissed someone with braces? No. Are you anyone’s first love? I don't believe so. Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy? I'M LOSING WEIGHTTTTTT. :') The gym is paying off! Is there a person of the opposite gender on your mind? That's kinda a permanent thing. He's always there, even if only in the back. Who was the last person to wink at you? My cat, ha ha. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yes. Are any of your really close friends pregnant right now? REALLY close friends, nope. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? ... You know it's 2021, right???? This never should have been controversial. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? Well, there's caffeine... When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? No. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? I don't recall. Do you say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” in order to avoid offending people who don’t celebrate Christmas? I honestly just say "merry Christmas." Have you ever made/played with a sock puppet before? Yes. Have you ever seen a waterfall (aside from in a fountain or other manmade things)? Only small ones. Are you a frequent sufferer of heartburn? Yes; I actually have a prescription for chronic heartburn. If I don't take it, I'll get heartburn to the point I come near tears. How many different colleges have you gone to? Three. How much stress can you handle? Ha, not a lot at all. What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I'm 25 and feel like I've just... wasted so much, and I continue to. I never thought I'd make it to this age and to have gone so short a distance in terms of being a successful adult. Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? I've stopped being friends with people, yes. Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? It 120% is. Do you think you will die happy? To be honest... I think no a lot of the time. Do you like looking at pictures? Yeah. Are you a submissive person? Very. Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I do. What are your views on the death penalty? I support it in extreme cases. Once you prove to be a thorough monster that deeply endangers other humans... you don't deserve life. We as a society have to work together, not destroy one another. Do you like horror movies? Why or why not? Yeah! I like the thrill of them. Would you ever be able to become a vegan? No; I am FAR too picky with my food. I want to be vegan, but I just wouldn't survive. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had a whole story based around some plastic dinosaurs, alligators, deer, and Pokemon figurines. Who was your first best friend? What is your favorite memory of/with them? Are you two still friends? Brianna. I don't know what my favorite memory is... We made a lot. We're Facebook friends, but we don't talk anymore. Would you rather hang out with someone who is always high or someone who constantly wants to get drunk all the time? High, I guess. Drunk people I think get sloppier and, in some cases, angry. The (few) high people I've been around have just been chill and friendly. How did you meet your newest friend? I'm not entirely sure who I consider to be my newest friend. The last time you kissed someone, were your arms around their neck? I don't think so? I'm pretty sure I was just hugging her around the waist. You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get? I've mentioned how I wanna get my nose re-pierced in multiple surveys. Do you straighten your hair? No. When is the next time you will see the person you like? Who knows, dude. I really want to be able to walk for two minutes without feeling like I'm dying before I go to an airport again, and even more importantly, even as a fully-vaccinated person, I want Covid to chill out before I travel again. And who the fuck knows when that'll be since people don't want to listen to goddamn professionals. Did you get to sleep in today? I actually slept through my alarm and was late to gym today. :x Your first dog? I was born into the family with a collie named Trigger, but she passed when I was a baby, so I don't have any memories of her. We got what I want to say was a Rottweiler mix named Angel at one point, who I consider our first family dog, but she was born with that disease that some puppies have where they just... die. Who I consider MY first REAL dog was Teddy. <3 Stood loyally by my side as my furry son and most devoted friend for around 13 years. Do you prefer mint, citrus, or cinnamon toothpaste? Mint. Are you one of those people who are always cold? No, I'm always hot. Have you done anything sneaky lately? No. Have you ever had feelings for someone and thought “This is the person I want to be with forever”? Yeah, twice. Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Of course! Have you had a significant other that you never kissed? Well, boyfriends, but I wouldn't count the ones I haven't kissed as truly "significant other"s. Has anybody ever dated you only for your looks? I don't think so. Do you have any handshakes with anybody? Nah. What are you listening to? "Necessary Evil" by Motionless In White & Jonathan Davis. Would you take back your last boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Who is your favorite band? How long have they been? Ozzy Osbourne. Since middle school. Who is your favorite author? I don't have a fave. Do you like cheesecake? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH- How did you meet the last person you kissed? YouTube, back when it had more social aspects. Do you wake up cranky? Not usually, no. I'm actually in my best mood in the morning. Have you ever met your favorite band/singer? No, but holy fuck would that be awesome. I want to thank him for his music so badly. Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)? Yeah. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? My old house, yes, but not this one. Do chickens have feelings? Yes. Have you ever been to a spa? Yeah, even though I really wasn't interested. I just went with Colleen because she invited me. I appreciated her wanting to hang out and include me of course, so I was happy to go, but it's not something I'd do of my own volition. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? The lemonade. Favorite South Park character? I don't have one, given I'm not interested in the show. How often do you have to shave? When/where I shave grows back FAST, so frequently. Ever go ghost hunting? No but omg I'd love to. Someone date me just to go do this together one night lmao. Do you have any family in the military? No. Can you talk to your mother about most things? I know I CAN talk to her about absolutely everything, but I don't always. Would you ever homeschool your children? If they wanted it and it'd be beneficial to their health and educational success, then yes. Are you afraid of change? Oh boy, am I. Who’s your favourite character from one of your favourite books? I'll go with The Outsiders, in which case I remember it was Dally.

[mothman-clarice-2]

A Rant/Essay about Moira and Sigma and how they’ve changed my life

Hi so I am in a very very very good mood right now and I really want to rant about some things I love. 

As my followers may know very well by now, I LOVE Overwatch. Specifically I LOOOVE Moira and Sigma. I less so have a special interest in Overwatch and more so in those specific characters. 

Quick thing for those who don’t know, a special interest is a term used by people under the Autism spectrum to describe a subject or thing they have a very strong personal connection to. 

I have recently discovered I have Aspergers syndrome, a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects the person’s ability to socialize and causes them to have repetitive and restrictive behaviors and/or interests. Basically it’s very similar to Autism but there are some slight differences that differentiate the two that I won’t go into here because it’ll take too long, but you can research them yourself if you want to of course. 

This has been a HUGE discovery for me because I have known I was very different from other people for a long time but I had no idea why. This discovery explains EVERYTHING. I finally understand why I have such a hard time communicating with people and why I have such unusual tendencies (such as becoming hyper-fixated on things I like). This relates to my love of Moira and Sigma. 

In Overwatch, Moira O’Deorain is a brilliant Irish geneticist on the cutting edge of her field. She has made numerous revolutionary advancements in genetic technology and manipulation. She has devoted her life to her work and advancing the Human race as a species. However, she has a very dark side to her achievements. She has achieved her discoveries by disregarding all ethics and morality in her experiments. She has experimented on everything from animals to herself to even other humans. She has performed experiments on herself that have left her permanently disfigured (her right arm). She has performed experiments on people that have permanently changed their bodies in agonizing ways (Reaper). She believes that ethics are holding back scientific advancement and that they are a waste of time. Pretty horrible right? I wouldn’t blame you for calling that evil. However, you can’t say she is absolutely evil. 

Yes what she has done is horrible and she is completely morally bankrupt, but she also does what she does because she wants to help people. She does what she does because it’s for the betterment of the world. And it has made the world better! In the lore, she has made numerous revolutionary advancements in genetic technology! She is an absolute genius who is helping better the world in massive ways! But at the same time, she is hurting other people to get there. That is the epitome of complete moral ambiguity. 

And I LOVE that. 

You can’t say she’s completely good because she hurts people and disregards ethics as a waste of time. But you also can’t say she evil because she has made revolutionary scientific discoveries that could save the lives of millions. 

I love Moira not just because she is a complex character but I also relate to her on numerous levels. 

For one, she is Irish and I have a lot of Irish heritage. I adore my Irish culture and I love how she seems to be passionate about it as well given that she is fluent in Gaelic (our ancient language which is actually dying out) and she has a lot of Irish oriented stuff in the game. She has actually really caused me to get invested in my Irish heritage and learn about my culture. Another thing I relate to is that she has a great appreciation for art and is just generally pretty eccentric. She loves dressing up and cosplaying and art and music and all of these different things that I also love. 

One of the biggest reasons I relate to her though is her lack of ability to understand people’s emotions. I am a very empathetic person but at the same time I have a very hard time connecting to people. I have always had trouble interacting with people and making friends because I don’t understand how people normally communicate. From what I have seen, Moira is like that too. She doesn’t seem to really have any friends (she was sorta friends with Gabriel but that was more of a business friendship) and everyone seems to either hate her or thinks she’s creepy or weird. I headcanon that Moira is high functioning autistic because of her lack of empathy and difficulty understanding people’s emotions. 

Obviously I am not saying autistic people are unempathetic sociopathic mad scientists, far from it actually. People with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can either be very empathetic or they can lack empathy to varying degrees on both sides. Sometimes they are just as empathetic as everybody else. Everyone under the autism spectrum is completely different. I just think Moira is one of the people who lacks empathy to a very high degree. I think Moira having autism that causes her to lack empathy is a very good explanation for her beliefs and how she behaves, not to mention it’s something I relate to. 

As for Sigma, he’s a different character entirely. 

Siebren de Kuiper (pronounced “Ki-per” with “Ki” as in “kite”) is a brilliant Dutch astrophysicist. He is known for being a very eccentric introvert with a brilliant mind and a deep, fiery passion for his work. He performed an experiment that would’ve revolutionized technology by being able to harness the power of a black hole but it went terribly wrong. The accident left him completely traumatized and his psyche destroyed. This accident also gave him the ability to control gravity but I’m not really gonna talk about that in this because it’s not really necessary. 

Sigma has a lot of anxious tendencies, for example he has numerous voice lines where he becomes anxious or panicked. He says the phrase “hold it together” many times, a phrase he uses to try and comfort himself when he feels panicked. All of these have caused me to headcanon that he has PTSD and/or some other kind of anxiety disorder (although I haven’t decided which one yet). 

I personally have struggled with generalized anxiety and social anxiety for a long time so I find myself relating to his anxiety. Something about seeing this  62 year old absolute GIANT of a man (he’s 8′1″) having anxiety and relating to me in so many ways is really comforting. 

Whenever I am sad or anxious about something, I think of Sigma and I channel my fears through him. I do that a lot actually, not just with anxiety but with other emotions as well. Whenever I am really really happy about something, I think of Sigma and Moira. Whenever I’m depressed, I think about Sigma and Moira. I channel all of my emotions through these characters by acting out scenes in my head, imagining scenarios with them, or drawing them. Sometimes when I’m sad I’ll imagine Moira and Sigma in happy scenarios to cheer myself up. 

These characters, these fictional things from a video game, have had such an important impact on me I can’t even begin to describe it. I connect with these characters so deeply and so personally. 

I found myself connecting to them mostly during quarantine. This was the time when I was the loneliest I had ever been in my life. I was the most stressed and depressed I had ever been. I had lost a close family member and two beloved pets in a very short span of time. On top of this, I had no friends. I was completely downtrodden and lost. Then I decided to start playing Overwatch again, and everything started to change. 

I fell back in love with Moira more than ever and I found a brand new love for Sigma. I felt more connected to these characters than I ever would've because I had pretty much nobody else to connect to. These characters became my strongest coping mechanism and, in a way, my imaginary friends. I channeled all of my anxieties and sadness and grief and loneliness through them. I used them to help me grieve my loved ones. At the same time, I channeled my joy and pride and passions through them. These characters give me comfort when I need it most. That is something so special I can’t even begin to describe it. I love these characters with every single fiber of my heart and soul. They have been my greatest coping mechanism in these extremely tumultuous times. They helped me find actual friends for the first time in years, friends who I have been able to relate to and who love me despite my odd quirks and behaviors.

These fictional characters, these video game models, these lines of code, they have helped me survive my darkest days and enriched my brightest moments. These characters have fundamentally changed my life. 

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

Thank you Overwatch. Even though your fanbase can be one of the most toxic things I have ever seen, you have given me friends and two characters that kept me going when life was trying its hardest to keep me down. You have really shown me the power of fiction and its ability to change lives. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

And thank you to whoever is still reading this. Seriously, I can’t believe you actually had the patience to listen to me ramble for so long about something so specific to me. It’s frankly incredible and I have endless respect for you. Your attention span is literally god-like if you were able to read through all this and I wanna thank you for blessing me with your priceless time and attention. It really is amazing.

[entwinedmoon]

Torrington Update: Burgess Babies, Middle Names, and Other Odds and Ends

Hello again! I meant to write up this summary of various little things I’d found when continuing my Torrington research back in January, but I got sidetracked by moving. It was a stressful couple of months, so much so that I even put my genealogy work on hold, which is mostly just me playing around on Ancestry until I stumble across something important. But I had figured that I would get back to things in late March.

Then came COVID-19.

Like many people, I hunkered down at home in an attempt at flattening the curve. I was actually sent home early from work on Monday, March 16 (my birthday—yay?), but luckily I was able to telecommute…for a time. I live in the United States, and let’s just say that things here have not been handled in an ideal way. I had to resign from my job because I was being forced back into the office when I didn’t think things were safe to go back. So while moving seemed stressful back in January and February, it’s got nothing on a pandemic. Everything has changed, and while I had hoped that I might be able to visit some archives in person this year, traveling anywhere further than my living room probably won’t be happening any time soon.

But above all, I hope everyone out there is staying safe and healthy as best as they can.

Even though the world looks quite different from when I was working on my Torrington research before, I would still like to share some odds and ends that I’ve found. I don’t have anything groundbreaking to share with you today, but there are some interesting tidbits and a couple follow-ups to my previous posts that I’d like to discuss.

Burgeoning Burgesses

First of all, in my post Family Ties, I had found another possible child of Torrington’s sister, Esther—a son named Henry, born in 1850, before any of her other children that I had found at the time. I had only just come across the record on Ancestry when I was writing that post, and I hadn’t had enough time to evaluate it properly, so I left things up in the air. The problem was I couldn’t find a full baptism record for Henry, so I couldn’t verify if it was Esther’s son or not. It didn’t help that there happened to be another Esther Burgess living in the area at the same time as Torrington’s sister. Since Ancestry didn’t have what I needed, I turned to the UK’s General Register Office (GRO) to see if I could find Henry. Unfortunately, you have to pay to see the GRO’s records, but you can search by the mother’s maiden name and see the record stub for free. My initial search showed there was no Henry Burgess born that year to a woman with the maiden name of Torrington.

But then I expanded my search to include any child with the last name of Burgess and a mother with the maiden name of Torrington born in that year. The search results showed a record for a Thomas Burgess Burgess—a rather strange name. Why repeat Burgess like that? I ordered a copy of the record, and when it arrived a week later I discovered that the name for the child had been cut off in the record somehow, and the search must have gotten the child’s first name by grabbing info from the next field—the full name of the child’s father, Thomas Burgess. Matching the birth certificate from the GRO with the limited baptism information I’d found on Ancestry proved that this child, Henry Burgess, born January 4, 1850, was indeed the son of Esther Burgess, née Torrington.

Then I found his death certificate.

Like many children during the Victorian Era, poor Henry did not make it to his first birthday. He died November 17, 1850, from a combination of measles and pneumonia. This would be why I didn’t find Henry in the 1851 census, a census which listed Esther and her husband Thomas as having no children. I had already found Sarah Ann, who had also died in infancy, which means that the eight-year stretch between Esther and Thomas’s wedding and the birth of Eliza, the first of their children to survive to adulthood, was filled with more than one loss for these young parents. But this made me think, if I’d missed Henry during my research, could I have missed other children?

I searched again on both Ancestry and the GRO, trying to be as thorough as possible to see if there were any more Burgess babies out there. Eventually, I found one.

William Harrison Burgess was born July 12, 1846. Like his brother Henry, he did not live long, dying on March 15, 1847. He died of “dentition” (teething) and convulsions, which may have been caused by treatments given to him to relieve the pain of teething.

There are a couple of interesting things about William. For one, there’s his name. William was Esther’s father’s name, so it would make sense to name her first son after her father. But he wasn’t just a William, he was a William Harrison. And there was another William Harrison Burgess born the same year to a different couple. Why was this such a popular name combination? Was it because of US president William Henry Harrison, who died in 1841 after only a month in office? That would be a bit odd, particularly for a British family. Or maybe the name came from novelist William Harrison Ainsworth? I haven’t been able to find any explanation for the popularity of that name combination, but I would think Ainsworth may be the more likely inspiration than the short-lived president.

Another thing of note about William is his date of birth—July 12, 1846. Esther married Thomas Burgess on May 20, 1846, less than two months before. Esther would have been very pregnant when she got married. Was that the reason for the marriage? We’ll probably never know, and I won’t speculate further on such intimate details. But this does give more insight into the timeline of when Esther met Thomas. At the very least she’d known him for seven months before getting married, making the latest possible date of their first meeting somewhere around October/November 1845. If they had courted for a longer time before the pregnancy, then it’s possible that Thomas Burgess met his future brother-in-law prior to John setting sail for the Arctic in May.

The sad fact about finding William Harrison Burgess, though, is that this means Esther had (at least) eight children, but the first three all died in infancy:

William Harrison – Born July 12, 1846 (died March 15, 1847)

Henry – Born January 4, 1850 (died November 17, 1850)

Sarah Ann – Born July 24, 1852 (died; buried February 13, 1853)

Eliza – Born February 14, 1854

Sarah – Born May 27, 1856

Mary Jane – Born June 26, 1859

Thomas – Born June 7, 1862

Ann (sometimes spelled Anne) – Born September 15, 1865

Esther had a child about every two to three years, with the largest gap being between her first and second child (three and a half years). This was unfortunately common in the Victorian Era, as was a high infant mortality rate.

I can’t imagine what it must have been like for Esther to lose three children, one after the other. She faced a lot of loss in her life, outliving three children, her brother, her husband, her father, and both her mother and stepmother. But her surviving children were there for her when she herself passed on, as evidenced by the fact that her son-in-law signed as witness on her death certificate. And some of them would have children of their own, continuing her legacy through the years.

What’s in a (middle) name?

Ever since discovering the services the GRO provides, I have spent more money than I probably should have buying birth and death records for members of Esther’s family. These records have information that you can’t find on Ancestry, such as cause of death or the exact day of death—but there’s also plenty of non-death related information as well.

One particular thing of interest that I found was that a couple of birth certificates for Esther’s children list Esther’s full name as Esther Mary Burgess. The GRO doesn’t have records from before 1837, so unfortunately I can’t order Esther’s own birth certificate to verify this piece of information, but both Mary Jane’s and Thomas’s birth records include Esther’s middle name as Mary.

Esther’s baptism record did not include the middle name Mary, but baptism records often didn’t include middle names. Instead, her baptism record listed her as Esther Shaw Torrington. Her brother was also listed as a Shaw Torrington. I wasn’t sure if this was a shared middle name or a secondary surname—I say “secondary” because it’s not hyphenated and John and Esther seemed to treat it as optional since it is missing from the majority of records referring to them. However, if Esther had a middle name of Mary, then I imagine Shaw really was meant as a surname, making her full name Esther Mary Shaw Torrington.

Of course, now I wonder what John’s middle name was…

The completely unimportant mystery of the word “larter” SOLVED!

In my post about Torrington’s family, I mentioned the many occupations that Esther’s husband, Thomas, had throughout his lifetime, but there was one in particular that I couldn’t puzzle out. In the baptism records for two of his children, Thomas was listed as what appeared to be a “Larter.”

I wondered if this was meant to say “Carter,” because he had been a carter previously, but that first letter really really looks like an L. Larter, however, is not an occupation from what I can tell. It’s a last name—searching for it on Google brings up actress Ali Larter as the top result—and while last names are sometimes derived from occupations, there’s no consensus on what Larter originally meant. I started looking through books on old occupations to see if there was something, anything, that could have been at least close to Larter, and while there were a few job titles that were a letter or two off, there was nothing close enough to the spelling to justify it being written that way in two different records years apart.

I ordered the birth records for Ann and Thomas from the GRO, (it was their baptism records that contained this mystery word), hoping that might shed some light on this. But it takes a week or so for the records to be emailed out, so I had to wait. That was when I went back to the original records for another glance, comparing the writing to see if there were other Ls or Cs that looked like this. Just below Thomas’s occupation listing on Ann’s baptism record was the occupation for one William Mort. He was also a Larter.

How could two men have the same occupation that didn’t seem to exist? Clearly this wasn’t just some misprint or misunderstanding. I looked up William Mort in the census records, hoping there might be an answer there. Ann and Thomas were born in the 1860s, so I checked out both the 1861 and 1871 census in case Mort had a job change between years. In both census years, William Mort had the occupation of “Carter.”

When the birth records from the GRO finally arrived, Thomas’s occupation was listed as something that looks far more like “Carter” than on the baptism records.

“Carter” is an occupation that exists—“Larter” is not—so despite those baptism records that made the first letter look like an L, it must actually have been a C. Maybe the recordkeeper had a unique way of curving his Cs, or perhaps his hand was cramping after a day full of baptisms and a few letters came out funny, I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I think it’s safe to say that Thomas Burgess was a Carter not a Larter. The most pointless mystery ever has been solved!

John Torrington’s wife?

On Ancestry.com, there’s a great feature where you can build a family tree. I haven’t had much luck, though, in finding family trees containing Torrington. There are a few but rarely are they comprehensive, and some are private and therefore not publicly viewable. One tree did help me learn more about his stepmother’s family, but it didn’t include much about Torrington’s own family. Also, the validity of some trees is certainly questionable. I once saw a couple family trees that listed John Franklin, the leader of the Franklin Expedition, as Torrington’s father. There are also a couple trees that make a rather surprising claim—that Torrington had a wife named Elizabeth Browning.

Neither of these trees include any documentation to support that Torrington was married to Browning, and I have yet to find any information to suggest that Torrington was married at all. If he’d been married, wouldn’t he have allotted his pay to his wife rather than his stepmother? I suppose there could be a reason why he allotted his pay to Mary instead of his wife, but I have yet to find any marriage records for him, and certainly not any for him and a woman named Elizabeth Browning. And the particular Ms. Browning included in these family trees happened to have been born in 1818, seven years before Torrington, and she seems to have lived her entire life in the United States, so it would be very difficult for the two of them to have even met.

I Googled Torrington’s name along with Elizabeth Browning, and the only results were for Ancestry (looping back around to those family trees), a version of Wikipedia in Catalan that had Browning listed as his spouse but with no reference attached (I have since removed this because there’s no resource to back it up, and the beauty of Wikipedia is that anyone can edit it), and a cached summary of Torrington’s Find a Grave memorial page, which had Browning listed as a Calculated Relationship, but after going to the memorial page itself I couldn’t find this information anywhere, as if it’s already been removed. (Please note, I did this search earlier this year, and some of these links/results may no longer exist.)

Where this rumor that Torrington was married came from I have no idea, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen someone on the internet claim he had a wife. I once read a YouTube comment that mentioned his “young marriage.” Of course, YouTube comments aren’t exactly reliable, ranking somewhere below the wall of a public bathroom stall, but since I first heard that Torrington had a sister via a blog comment—and that turned out to be true—I wasn’t sure what to believe. In fact, it was because I kept learning new things about Torrington from random—and sometimes unreliable—places on the internet, that I decided to write my series of posts about him, to collect all known and verifiable information currently available about him in one place.

But why are there so many people saying Torrington was married if there’s no current information to support this? It’s possible he was married and that the record for this is lost somewhere, but how did these people find it if other people (e.g., me) can’t? A few months ago, I reached out to the owners of the two family trees on Ancestry to find out what inspired Browning’s inclusion, but I never heard back. Do they have access to some information that no one else does? Or is this just someone playing around on Ancestry? I think the answer is most likely the later, but unfortunately, I have yet to find out.

The Apprentice

When searching for anything and everything that mentions Torrington, I looked on Newspapers.com for any article that may have referred to him when he was alive. Like with most things regarding Torrington, there wasn’t much that fit the right description. There was, however, an article from November 16, 1844, in the Bristol Mercury that mentioned a young apprentice named John Torrington, who had suffered abuse at the hands of his master, a shoemaker named Perdue. I haven’t been able to find any information about Torrington having an apprenticeship, but I wondered briefly if perhaps this could have been him. After reading the article more closely, though, I realized that there were several facts that didn’t add up, indicating to me that this John Torrington most likely wasn’t THE John Torrington. However, I did think it was interesting. You can read the article below:

The reasons I don’t think this is the right Torrington are many. For one thing, in 1844, Torrington would have been 18 going on 19, and this article seems to be describing someone much younger than that. Apprentices usually started in their early teens, and it sounds like this boy is in the early years of his apprenticeship. Also, he’s living in Bristol, not Manchester. While it’s quite possible that Torrington left Manchester at some point to live, train, or work elsewhere, we know from the Allotment books that his family still lived in Manchester when he joined the Franklin Expedition. It would have been easier—and cheaper—for him to stay at home, even if he only called it home between jobs, such as if he worked on merchant ships. This article also mentions that he’d lived in the Bedminster workhouse prior to starting his apprenticeship, and Mr. Ring, the man who was helping him break free from his abusive master, said that he considered himself as legal guardian for the boy. This suggests that the Torrington in the article may no longer have parents. Our Torrington still had a father and a stepmother, and while it’s possible that if he left home he may have ended up in a workhouse for lack of money, this is sounding less and less like it fits.

Then there’s the whole shoemaker thing. In order to have been appointed to the job of leading stoker on HMS Terror, Torrington most likely had previous experience working in a position similar to a stoker. If he had been an apprentice to a shoemaker only half a year before joining the expedition, then he probably didn’t have the right experience to be a stoker, unless he started the apprenticeship after having worked as a stoker (or he just straight up lied and the Navy didn’t call him on it). Although, if the Torrington who sailed with Franklin had apprenticed as a shoemaker, that would mean he and John Hartnell have something else in common besides a first name and being buried on Beechey Island—Hartnell had been a shoemaker prior to joining the Navy.

But if this isn’t our JT, could it be that other John Torrington, the one from the 1841 census? I think not. JT1, as I called him in an earlier post, was born before the Franklin Expedition Torrington (JT2), and if the boy in this article sounds too young to be JT2, then this boy is definitely too young to be JT1. While John Torrington wasn’t an especially common name, clearly it wasn’t limited to just JT1 and JT2. This other other Torrington I have started to refer to as JT3, and it will be interesting to see if he pops up again to skew my research.

In some ways, though, I am a little disappointed that this probably isn’t the right Torrington. I don’t wish the abuse on him, but it sure would be nice to have some definitive answers as to what his life was like before joining the expedition. Knowing he was an apprentice to someone would fill in the huge gap between his baptism and him joining the expedition—you know, his entire life. Also, the article describes him as “a delicate, but intelligent-looking young fellow,” a description I’m quite enamored with for some reason. I feel that this may have applied to the Franklin Expedition Torrington as well. Torrington was small—a fact I might be a little too fond of because learning it turned my childhood boogeyman into an adorable little pocket person—and after wasting away from illness he did look rather delicate, but there’s something in his face that suggests he was more than that. I like the idea that he may have had an intelligence above his station, that he may have been more than just a grunt shoveling coal and trying to make ends meet. If this article were about him, it would have given more information as to who he was as a person than any other record I’ve found, and yet it’s unlikely that this is him. It’s a shame, but hopefully he led a better life than the one described here, and that he had a good home waiting for him when he set sail, with happy memories to keep him warm as the world grew cold and dark around him.

That’s it for now. Stay safe everyone!

Torrington Series Masterlist 

[masjestickingdom]

Parallel Lives

Pairing: NCT x reader

Genre: Lighthearted, slight fluff, one shot 

Summary: You’re a studious university who’s on summer break, spending your spare moments with your best friend. After a random statement is thrown into the conversation, you and your friend wonder what it’s like to be in NCT’s position. Little do you know that your idols are simultaneously pondering about your position as a normal college student.

Note: Here’s a simple, sweet scenario that I wrote! Even though it’s simple, I really wanted to post this because it’s a nice, exciting thought to have a crossover conversation... Imagine if you were thinking about the same thing at the same time of your favorite idol! Anyway, I also thought it was important to post this to point towards the life experiences everyone has. While this story doesn’t cover every one of those experiences, I think it covers the bigger topics (youth, hate, missing out on experiences, dreams, etc) that I personally think about a lot, so I hope you enjoy! 

______________________________________________________________ 

   As a university student, you have worked your butt off to get good grades and make connections with your professors, upperclassmen, and peers. When you were a high school student, you didn’t care about any of that. In fact, you were the shy one and you got away with it because, hey, it was high school. Fast forward a few years ahead and here you are in the present day, socializing with every human being you could possibly get in touch with. What for, though?

   “For what are we grinding this hard?” you wonder out loud, grabbing your nth piece of chicken.

   Your friend sighs in agreement, spreads out her long legs over the table you both paid for, and rests them adjacent to the boxes of chicken and coke you ordered over half an hour ago.

   Exams are finally over, and you decide to spend the night on the balcony with your roommate, who’s also your best friend, before your two-month internship, which you earned in part to your networking skills. It’s a nice, breezy summer night. It’s one of those nights you want to enjoy in peace and quiet, staring off into the limitless expanse of the dark, but shimmery sky.

   You reach out for another piece of chicken when your friend chuckles at something on her phone.

   “What?” you ask with your mouth nearly full.

   “Nothing, it’s just this really funny meme about NCT,” your friend says with glee. “Very relatable, by the way.”

   NCT, one of the hottest international sensations taking the world by storm alongside living legends, BTS and BlackPink, according to news outlets, is a name you haven’t heard in a while. Personally, you used to be an avid fan since the SMRookies days. You kept up with the appearances they made as trainees in EXO’s EXO 90:2014 series, the cameos in music videos (including the ones in EXO 90:2014), the variety show Mickey Mouse Club, and the videos SM Entertainment would randomly post. As time went on, sadly, the determination to be informed of the latest news withered as your priorities changed upon entering your sophomore year of high school. Sure, you heard news here and there and occasionally checked out their social media accounts, but when you entered college, that was a territory you failed to explore. Other than awards and comebacks, you hadn’t heard much of NCT once you had indulged yourself in your studies, and everyone else around you were doing the same thing.

   It has been quite some time since you were curious about the idols. Your friend’s sudden comment on them resurfaced old fangirl feelings, luring you into an interesting discussion of NCT, idols, and life in general.

   “Another exam to go until graduation, another test to assess loyalty, another test closer to our deathbeds,” you mumble grumpily.

   At the abrupt foul tone that consumed your voice, your friend raised her eyebrows questioningly.

   “And an internship to be a prospect of a permanent employee for some company to work for others--exciting, right?” you said sarcastically before you took a long sip of ice-cold, refreshing coke, which did nothing to restore your mood.

   Understanding what you were getting at, your best friend calmly nodded.

   “They’re living their best lives,” she says, referring to NCT.

   You let a bitter smile form on your lips as memories about mistreatment and mismanagement whiz past your mind. “Or behind the curtains..."

   “They could be just like us,” your friend finishes off. “Tired, overworked, maybe even frustrated.”

   A soft smile overtakes your bitter one. “But probably in a different way.”

   “What would it be like to be an idol?” your friend sighs dreamingly.

   “What would it be like to be a college student?” a silver haired boy ponders aloud.

   His purple haired younger friend, Haechan, who’s grilling meat, replies ambiguously, “Stressful, Yuta. Pretty stressful.”

   “Probably fun too,” green haired Jaehyun chimes in. “Engaging with lots of people the first few weeks of school, trying out different clubs, and finding a way to fit in--that all sounds fun to me.”

   The optimistic boy joins Haechan in the adventure of grilling meat, switching with Taeyong’s position as a meat griller. While the rest of the boys prepare the dining table, placing the setting with kitchen utensils and side dishes being prepared by Taeyong, Doyoung, and Johnny, Yuta admires the busy streets of the city, listening for the distant sounds of cars honking and pedestrians screaming, with the cool night air breezing past his newly dyed hair. It certainly is one of the best ways he and the members could possibly enjoy the rare moments of freedom.

   At the sound of a whistle, Yuta is pulled from his cloud of thoughts, and he looks over his shoulder, nodding to his not-so-secret favorite member of the group at the simple gesture of a hand that urged him to go inside and help bring out the dishes.

   “We’ll never experience the glamor of getting dolled up almost everyday,” you state solemnly.

   “Or have fans,” your friend pitches in.

   “Or see famous celebrities literally every day.”

   “Or experience the trainee days, everyone trying to bring everyone down, or haters trying to drag you out once you gain fame.”

   You throw a strange glance at your friend for that last statement.

   “What?” she says, shrugging nonchalantly. “We need drama in our lives, or else life’s boring.”

   Shaking your head, you chuckle at her unique take on an abstract concept.

   A moment of silence engulfs the two of you as both of you fall deep in your thoughts.

   There was never a quiet moment under the roof of NCT, and tonight is no exception.

   “Hey, isn’t the beef really good?” Yuta’s favorite member, Mark, speaks, delighted at the flavors bursting in his mouth.

   “Haechan, don’t you dare pull a prank on us with coke and vinegar ever again,” Taeyong scolds the youngest member, recovering from his gagging session, while Johnny and Taeil are still chugging down glasses of water to get rid of the aftertaste. “Is it really necessary to do any of this?”

   “Sorry, mom, my hand itched,” the prankster smiles innocently.

   “Didn’t Haechan grow a lot?” you bring up, breaking the quietness.

   Your friend gulps down her coke before pointing out, “Isn’t he the same age as us?”

   Your crane your neck, your head now tilting sideways. “He is?”

   “Crazy, isn’t it?” your friend responds. “The majority of the Dreamies are the same age as us.”

   “Yuta, didn’t you say something about college?” Mark asks, chowing down pieces of watermelon.

   The older boy nods. “Wouldn’t it be fun to experience it? None of us went to college.”

   Taeyong uncomfortably shifts on the bench at the mention of college. 

    Like Yuta mentioned, none of the members of NCT went to college and probably won’t go because it’s not a likely option, considering their packed schedules. He knows that the mere mention of it can bring down the mood because for them, college represents the definition of normalcy, the life of a normal person, and with them not going to college or graduating high school, he doesn’t want them to have a chance to regret or have second thoughts.

   “Imagine if they visited our college for one day,” your friend mused.

   Extending your short arm to pour yourself another cup of coke, you wheeze between your breaths, “Hey, I bet that the professors would ask for autographs.”

   “Yeah, I think we wouldn’t stand a chance in the classes,” Johnny laughs, adding ice to his coke. “They would be too advanced for us to understand anything.”

   Yes, Taeyong let the conversation flow. He even joined in on the conversation a few times. He didn’t want to ruin the mood by switching the topic in a way that could be nothing short of a very obvious attempt, and if he didn’t say something, his group members, his family, would notice.

  “It would be nice to make new friends, right?” Yuta expresses. “New people to dance with, sing with, do sports with..."

   “I think Yuta’s tired of our awful soccer skills,” Jaehyun replies humorously.

   “I feel like they would say that they would want to make new friends, but it all depends on your personality,” you say, tucking your hands behind your head. “I only have you.”

   Your friend laughs, replicating your movements. “Loser, I’m on the same boat as you.”

   “Wouldn’t it be nice to go to game rooms or comic book stores?” Mark carries on as he stretches his arms out to the sky.

   “Wouldn’t it be nice to be your own karaoke room or be able to dance the trends?” you fancy.

   “Or be the trend,” your friend adds.

   “I just want to sleep,” Johnny murmurs, lazily dragging his feet across the floor to the cushioned bench placed against the white walls. Turning his large body so that his body faces the wall, he hugs an available pillow with his legs and remarks, “Idol or student, you don’t get to sleep that much.”

   “It would be nice to work hard for something that you know you want to do,” you dream. “We have no clue what to do in the future. Most of us blindly study and get internships.”

   Just then, a bright stream of light passes your eyes, and your eyes widen.

   “Did you see that? That was a shooting star!” Jungwoo exclaims, his eyes mirroring the sparkling trail.

   Everyone looks up at the sky even though the moment has well passed.

   “We’re living under the same sky as them, so how are our worlds so different?” you say without much energy, staring at the now dark sky. “I bet they were pitted against each other at some point in their trainee lives, but here they are in this world. Years of friendship, what would that be like?”

   Slightly offended, your friend sits up from her resting position. “Hey, we’ve been friends since middle school.”

   “Do you remember the time when you were young and saw your favorite artists on tv?” Doyoung reminisces.

   “They’re the reasons why I became one,” Haechan concurs.

   Taeyong thoughtfully fixates his eyes on where the shooting star once was, his arms acting accordingly.

   “They were so young when they were casted,” you whisper. “It’s kind of sad when you think about it.”

   Another wave of silence overwhelms you. Your friend spares another look at you and watches you stretch your hands to the sky, hands shaped as if you are taking a snapshot of your view.

   She responds with a quiet voice of her own, “Some of them didn’t even plan on being an idol.”

   Taeyong’s hands retract to his sides. “I remember when I first met you guys. I’m really glad that we have each other.”

   The sappy moment comes to an abrupt end when Johnny’s snores take over.

   You turn your head over to your friend who is fast asleep.

   Eyes averting to the inky sky once again, you contemplate quietly, “I wonder what they’re doing now.”

   Meanwhile, the boys are trying to stuff a sock in Johnny’s mouth to muffle his snores. Taeyong, not participating, stays in the background and enjoys the last bit of their night of freedom.

[devourer--of--books]

Callis was Gavaldon’s first witch gynecologist and here’s why

Okay so, in this post we’ll be discussing topics such as sex, contraception, and some religion in the context of it being used as a mean to control people sexually. 

If you’re younger than 13, honestly, this post isn’t for you. 

If you’re unlucky, like me, and your school didn't give you proper sex ed, I beg you to ask someone about it. Your older sibling, your mom, someone, okay? Ask google. It’s important stuff you need to know.

First of all, for composure’s sake, let’s all pretend I didn’t start thinking of this due to me writing a smut fic. At 4am, on my tablet notes. On my defense, tho, there’s an astonishing lack of E-rated fics on this fandom and someone ought do it, okay? Moving on.

So, where shall we start?

Let’s get context out of the way, welcome to my analyses, the actual headcanons are here, I promise, let me just bore you to death first:

The SGE book series overall is set in fantasy fairytale land (The Endless Woods), with the exception of Gavaldon, aka, the reader village. Due to this, there’s not really a time period liking the SGE world to ours, neither can it be presumed by the world building, as Soman mixes traditional medieval elements  with modern elements, which I know bothers some of you too, it ain’t just me, but nevermind that right now.

The point is, the arguments I’m making on this post are based on aspects mentioned in the books, but I’m also going to draw some information from the real world.

A big chunk of the first two books rely on the world the existence of a patriarchal structure in that world, as do some plot points during the rest of the series, but if I were to dive into that we’d be here all night. Talking about the Endless Woods social structure is very complicated, specially with the ‘no labels in the woods’ stuff combined with the misogyny. It’s messy. 

Thankfully for this post, we’ll only go into Gavaldon, because I feel things there are more… explicit (pun intended).

So here’s what we know of Gavaldon’s social structure pre-book 1:

It’s a decent sized village with no official government. There’s no political figure of power, such as prince or a mayor, as they eventually get in QFG. There also doesn’t seem to be an actual economic class distinction between the people of Gavaldon, other than mentions of beggars (pretty sure it’s just one tho, but I might be wrong). Everyone works and trades amongst themselves, with people having more or less the same things (except for Callis and Agatha, due to them being social outcasts). 

Who has power in Gavaldon?

The Elders Council. They make the laws, they are respected, they have influence, and therefore they have power. These dudes stopped people from selling food to Stefan’s family during book 2, and threatened his new family in front of everybody during book 3. And everyone in Gavaldon loved that man. Why are they powerful tho?

Power is born out of inequality. If you have what we have not, we follow where you lead. Gavaldon has no nobles and no bourgeoisie. Geez, I wonder which powerful class we’re missing.

The clergy.

Personally, I hold no love for the church. I’m an atheist, but, as this post is about SGE and not religion, I’ll try to be as neutral as possible, as the point is not to offend or disrespect anyone. When I mention ‘religion’ or ‘clergy’ from this point on, I’m talking about religion as an Institution. As in the Medieval Catholic Church (which if you don’t agree was at least kind of very evil, I don’t know if I want you reading my posts anyway, so feel free to leave).

Most likely, the members of Elders Council of Galvadon were linked to its Church, whatever religion they may have. I can’t see any reason why they would have so much influence otherwise. Who appoints new men to the positions once one of them dies? I’m gonna guess the remaining members of the Council. 

And no one said anything? For centuries. Okay. Corruption? Never heard of her.

Also, burning unmarried women as a way to solve problems claiming they were witches? Wonder where I’ve seen this before.

The fact they’re men, should get mentioned too, just in case you forgot. I bet there are women just as old and wise, if not wiser than the members of the council. Hm, wow why they’re not part of the council.

This hypothesis ties in with the fact that the education given to the kids is limited to the local school, which, given the lack of government and simplicity of work relations, is probably funded by the clergy. We don’t see any proof of this, but again, if we’re comparing Galvadon to a medieval village, it would make sense.

What is even taught at this school? Math and whatever language they speak there, sure, but like they have little to no history that we know of, geography would be pointless, there are no foreign languages, science who, and with these clowns running the village I’ll bet there is no philosophy or social studies and... Doesn’t matter, let’s not do this right now.

Callis briefly mentioned that all girls in Galvadon must marry before the end of their school education, or they are deemed witches. The Elders Council even chooses the matches, in case those aren’t naturally formed or if they disagree with pre-existing ones. These kids are what,15,16, maybe younger?

(this makes me so mad, you have no idea-)

ANYWAY. They form these child marriages, for... look I’m gonna presume is because of population reposition. They need an average of 2 kids per couple or they’ll have more people dying than people being born. Let’s just presume it’s because of this because if it’s because of some tradition stuff I’ll scream, okay?

Maybe they have a low life expectancy in Gavaldon (which is another evidence for the case that the elders are part of the clergy, they probably don’t work, so they live longer). 

So have them teenage girls poping them babies, I guess.

Also, a miracle they have survived this long, because the genetic pool for Gavaldon must be the worst ever, everyone is related to everyone, ew. At least, in theory, there would be no STIs.

In theory.

Ahem… During the middle ages, all forms of birth control tended to be frowned upon, at least here on the west, including coitus interruptus (aka, pull out method), (tho it depends of who was the pope at the time, some of them were cool with this one if you already had too many kids and was like super poor), because sex was supposed to be about procreating, so a marriage with no kids was ‘pointless’. 

(hear me raging in the background, this context is stressing me out, i just wanna get to the headcanons-)

We can assume this view is probably compatible with the Elders Council mindset, as they are marrying CHILDREN. 

If there were any available contraceptive methods, you can bet they weren’t teaching this stuff at school. They probably have no sex ed, and if they do, it’s going to be just about periods and vague stuff. Gotta love them church schools (I never went to one, officially, but honestly, I live in Brazil, what even is Secular State).

(“Don’t have sex before marriage, you’re gonna get pregnant and die”, - one of the teachers at the Galvadon school at some point, I bet)

Let me also mention that there is an specific Gavaldon law that states that if a girl is pregnant she is going to marry the boy who knocked her up. Which, specially in Vanessa’s case, makes no f-ing sense. Could she prove it was Stefan’s? Did she sent it to a DNA lab? If Stefan was the Elders favorite why would they not take his word?

I digress, let’s say Stefan didn’t deny sleeping with her and only said he was under a spell, which, hm, how dumb do you have to be to do that, it’s lying 101, Stefan c’mon, but okay, you do you.

So they are probably super “moral” in Galvadon. You know, the kind of moral who just swipes stuff under the rug. Like, yeah, Stefan you’re now doomed to marrying Vanessa, but ain’t nobody gonna say a thing if you cheat on her as long as you don’t do it during plain daylight.

(The amount of closeted gays in Gavaldon is probably astronomical, can you imagine?)

And then you have Callis. Whom I think is probably responsible for the introduction of birth control in Gavaldon. We have arrived at the headcanons. Hear me out:

After Stefan saved Callis, she was deemed a witch. She’s a ‘witch’ doctor for the town. Only the most desperate of people seek her out. 

That means she normally wouldn’t get a lot of patients. Like, Idk about you, but Gavaldon doesn’t seem big enough for her to have people looking for her everyday. And she probably had to feed Agatha somehow.

But, while her being a doctor for normal diseases wasn’t really working all that well, everyone knew she had a hand in Vanessa’s miracle child. So ‘infertile’ women and women who had been getting sickly during pregnancies start looking for her, asking for her to help them. 

Callis obviously doesn’t use her magic, but as she can’t say she used magic for Vanessa, she gives them generally good advice about herbs and stuff they can add to their food to make it ‘more likely’, aka stuff that reduces stress, telling them how to eat better, stuff they should avoid, etc. She’s no big expert, but at least in the Endless Woods they had sex ed and she was witch, she just knows stuff.

So she becomes this sort of witch gynecologist for Gavaldon’s desperate women.

It works for a while, but then people eventually share these tips amongst themselves to avoid going to see her. Then, it’s back to slightly starving herself so baby Agatha could eat.

One day, a teenage girl arrives at her doorstep in the middle of the night, trading food for her help. If she could ‘make people more fertile’, she could surely make them miscarriage. Maybe this girl got pregnant by sleeping with someone the elders didn’t aprove for her to marry, maybe it was something else a bit darker, but we won’t talk about how that could be common, given you could literally force someone to marry you if they had your child.

Callis panics, because she wasn't ‘making anyone more fertile’ really, she was making them healthier and therefore more likely to have a healthy kid. If she were to tell her to do the reverse of what she told the others, not only it wouldn’t work, but it would actually harm the girl’s health.

At first she’s like, “I can’t help you…”, but then she hears baby Agatha crying, poor thing, so hungry all the time. So Callis decides, “you know what, might as well”.

There’s probably many potions made with magic one could take to not have a baby in the Woods. Even ones that cause abortions with no side effects or danger to the woman. But there also more natural ways, ones that maybe aren’t 100% effective, but would work, tho it had some side effects.

So Callis, makes her a potion to take. For real life comparisons, let’s say she used Queen Anne’s Lace, which works a bit like Plan B. The girl is thankful, and goes on her way.

Soon enough, everybody knows Callis can do these potions. You have girls sneaking to Graves Hill in the middle of the night to get help in exchange for food and while the elders know something is fishy, they can’t do much anything about it. They ask Callis what is up with that and she’s like ‘nope, just ya know, helping them have babies, plan b who’.

She tries to introduce a variation of the potion, one that acts as birth control, because it would stop people from being irresponsable all the time, but the Plan B one is the one every girl wants, because well, it’s easier. You can be unsafe and then take a potion and it’s fine. Soon, it’s not just girls. There’s full grown women there too, who should really know better.

She is pissed, so she says she won’t make them any more potions unless people stop being so careless.

Someone tries to make a knock-off potion, but it ends tragically, because people don’t really know what Callis puts in it. And well… you know what looks a bit like Queen Anne’s Lace?

F-ing Water Hemlock, that’s what.

After that incident, people listen to Callis when it came to ingesting stuff. And thus, birth control culture is born in Gavaldon. Other people started trying out other things to avoid dealing with Callis, like animal-based condoms, pull-out method and inserting acacia gum into your vagina before you had sex,but she had a good clientele overall.

The Elders? Pissed. But since they couldn’t just prove this was her fault, they just kept on hating on her from a distance.

After Agatha has her first period, Callis sits her down and pretty much gives her the talk. Agatha doesn’t really see a point to it, boys are gross, but she listens nonetheless. 

Callis gives Agatha the best sex ed homeclass ever, you can bet she will teach her correct anatomy, debunk myths the school told her about both periods and her own body and even promised her to teach her how to make the birth control potion once she got older.

Again Agatha doesn’t see a point, but okay.

When Agatha comes home with Tedros, years later tho. Callis is... worried.

She tries to ask Agatha if she’s being safe but her daughter just... stops functioning. Blushing like crazy. 

 (“We just kissed, like, once, mom.”)

That being said… Callis doesn’t live long enough to teach her how to make the potion.

So when Tedros and Agatha’s relationship starts to progress (hm… if you wanna read something about it, maybe wait a couple of days, I might or my might not have a sin fic in the works, it wouldn’t be one of my posts if it had no self-promotion, I’m my own sponsor after all) she’s unsure of who to ask about this.

And it makes her extra sad about her mother’s death, so that’s great.

I honestly don’t know who she would ask. If you have any ideas, please tell me. Because I’m kind of inclined to think that maybe Merlin might have predicted this and handed a recipe to her as a semi-joke, but idk. Maybe Uma?

But yes, Callis was totally Gavaldon’s first witch gynecologist. And after they made Stefan mayor, I want people to remember her for the absolute legend she was, okay?

[cetacian]

The Fall and Rise of Orca: Monster Mash Team-Up in Gotham City Monsters Vol 1 Issues #1-6

Warning: child murder, brief mention of animal sacrifice

                                        Under Cut for Length

After Nightwing Vol 4, Prime Earth’s Orca would end up back in Gotham’s waters, though when exactly these stories take place with regard to any kind of timeline for her is anyone’s guess. The timeframe we do get for Gotham City Monsters is it takes place after the events that created Monstertown in the storyline “Night of the Monster Men” and during the events of the City of Bane arc.

Several of the future members of the team found themselves in and around the section of Gotham City known as Monstertown, each with their own personal issues and agendas. Orca, meanwhile, stalked Gotham Harbor in pursuit of a boat carrying illicit cargo to Bane at Arkham Asylum. She soon managed to destroy the ship, taking one crew member captive as the other dissipated back into living clay, later revealed to be an extension of Lady Clay (Sondra Fuller) in order to experience more of the world to make herself feel more perfect:

In the meantime, future team leader Frankenstein narrated about Orca’s current activities and her desire to make herself seem more respectable to her young nephew, who she hadn’t yet met in person:

In the first issue, Orca refers to her nephew as Daniel, but later issues will refer to him as Jonah. It seems likely that he changed names because writer Steve Orlando seemingly couldn’t pass up the obvious joke. 

In the meantime, the immortal magic user Melmoth The Wanderer staged what at first seems like a play within the Magnus Theater, trapping the building’s guardian ghost the Red Phantom (Michael Drown) inside a magical mirror to prevent his interference. Soon enough, Melmoth and his Martian Mandrill minions performed a dark magical rite that claimed the lives of all inside the theater’s auditorium, among them Orca’s nephew Jonah, Killer Croc’(Waylon Jones)’s friend Tusk and another of Lady Clay’s humanoid extensions of herself (something that was traumatic for her as it was akin to part of her soul dying):

Frankenstein, the vampire Andrew Bennett and the freed Red Phantom confronted Melmoth in the theater, who claimed to require sacrifices in order to perform a ritual that would save the Multiverse from destruction. As Melmoth escaped, Frankenstein realized he would need to gather a team of those who had connections to the victims in the theater in order to prevent more deaths. Red Phantom agreed to join him, though Andrew set off on an ill-fated mission to kill Melmoth alone. Frankenstein sought out Lady Clay first.

In Orca’s underwater cavern lair, she tied up her captive, explaining her motives and preparing to kill him. However, she soon became distracted by a news radio announcement about the explosion from the Magnus Theater and the voice of her sister Charity asking for assistance in finding her missing son. Her captive took this opportunity to cut himself loose. Orca broke down when it was revealed that her nephew was dead, unaware that her captive was attempting a sneak attack, only stopped by the good timing of Frankenstein’s sword, as he arrived to offer her vengeance as part of the newly forming team:

The team sought out their next member, Killer Croc, to inform him of his friend Tusk’s death and offer him a place on the team, though he was reluctant to join for personal reasons and due to distrust of Frankenstein, who had been created in part by use of Melmoth’s blood. Orca’s kind words changed Croc’s mind about joining and the team were soon on their way:

Orca mentions having a terrible disease that she was cured of by becoming a hybrid, which seems very different from being paraplegic due to an accident in the case of the New Earth version of the character. However, the miniseries never elaborates any further on her backstory.

The team headed to the Gotham Zoo, but were unable to prevent Melmoth from killing two night watchman, a python and the eggs inside her. However, they gained Andrew Bennett as their sixth member, realizing his previous folly which resulted in him being briefly mind controlled by Melmoth’s blood. Requiring a seventh member, they found Batwoman riding through Monstertown, with Orca being none to subtle in her method of getting her attention:

This action lead into a brief battle with Batwoman, with Croc aiding Orca before Frankenstein stepped in to break up the fight:

Croc stepping in help Orca because she was kind to him is very touching and it makes sense that another version of the characters would end up as a couple in the Injustice 2 comic series (which I’ll cover in a later post).

After explaining the situation to Batwoman and inoculating Andrew against Memoth’s influence via Frankenstein’s blood, the team set out to stop Melmoth’s next sacrifice, but failed in the attempt. A brief distraction from the Monster League of Evil forced the team to pick up Melmoth’s trail as they carefully made their way through Bane’s Gotham:

Orca KOing a mummy is awesome and I almost wish the Monster League of Evil were the book’s main villains. Maybe a story for another time.

The team were soon lead to Melmoth’s final sacrifice site: Slaughter Swamp, where Melmoth was able to bring two potential sacrifices with Solomon Grundy then currently elsewhere. Though Melmoth was able to raise an undead horde of smaller Grundys from the swamp’s countless dead.

Orca and Croc expressed their distrust of Batwoman along the way, though she stressed that their willingness to grow as people was more important than past grudges:

There’s strong themes of redemption and life improvement throughout the miniseries and it’s good to see that happening with rogues and a member of the Bat Family instead of just the usual fistfights.

As Melmoth prepared to sacrifice his latest victims, revealing that he was fighting against Perpetua (creator of the Multiverse and responsible for its many Crises), the team arrived to stop him. Several members fought their way through the horde of Grundys as Frankenstein and Croc tried a ruse to wound Melmoth:

Lady Clay turning into gauntlets for Orca is yet another badass moment in this miniseries. In general ,the issues make good use of her shapeshifting powers.

Just as the team seemed to be getting overwhelmed by sheer numbers, the Red Phantom’s quick thinking and Frankenstein’s execution of the plan, severely damaged Melmoth’s body and allowed Red Phantom to capture his soul. This caused the Grundys to fall dead once more as Orca and Lady Clay went to untie the would-be victims:

There are a few humorous bits of levity in the book that work and this won’t be the last time someone mistakes an Orca for a shark.

In the aftermath, Orca visits her nephew’s grave, accompanied by Lady Clay and Red Phantom. Lady Clay offers her condolences as she and Red Phantom promise to lend aid whenever needed:

In the meantime, Croc took over as the manager of Tusk’s hotel, as Red Phantom went back to his theater, with Melmoth trapped within the same mirror Phantom had once been imprisoned in. The team then recovieneied at the Tomb of Gotham, the place where evil first infected the city, to make their vow that they would come together again to fight whatever other evils might threaten the city and the greater Multiverse:

Summery Thoughts: You can probably tell by my enthusiastic comments that this is my favorite storyline that Orca has been a part of. Her self loathing has actual consequences this time around, as it prevented her from being there to save her nephew. Some might considered his death fridging, but given how many characters are motivated by revenge in this story, I don’t think it counts. I’m just glad they remembered her family at all and I really wish writers would remember Terry, but I’m getting off topic. Having some of Gotham and DC’s more monstrous inhabitants on a hero team paved the way for books like Justice League Dark and expanded on worldbuilding with the area of Monstertown, as well as on character development and following up on past stories. This was also a great first outing for Red Phantom/Michael Drown and I hope the character shows up again at some point. I worry though because the Joker War arc saw the destruction of much of Monstertown, along with the rest of Gotham, and put characters like Croc back at square one, just when he was finally getting a chance to do something more interesting than being a sad, sewer-dwelling thug. I don’t want to end this on a downer though, so I’m just going to hope that we’ll see more of the Gotham City Monsters somewhere down the road.

Up next, I’m going to talk about a couple of one-shots featuring Orca, before we head into a much darker universe.

[demonslayedher]

An Attempted Timeline: Kochou Shinobu

Very open to feedback, because canon is as spread out as Muzan after his first date with Sun Breathing. Instead of tracking the year or distance from current timeline, we shall track this by Shinobu’s age (roughly, in most spots).  Despite being centered around Shinobu’s life events, I’m also diving into Aoi’s life, the other Pillars’ timelines of life events too, and doing some conjecture about Shinobu’s deceased Tsuguko.  Should be obvious, but spoilers ahead. 

Childhood: Raised by kind parents who possessed medical knowledge. Sometime around elementary school age (at the oldest, I’d put her at 11, but probably younger), parents are killed by a demon, house is demolished, and she and Kanae are rescued by Himejima (who was maybe around 20 or younger at the time), who hands them off to the Kakushi. After the funeral for their parents, she and Kanae seek out Himejima for training, and after a little time with them he sends them to separate cultivators (according to the light novel chapter “One Winged Butterfly.”) Training under cultivators usually takes about a year. She and Kanae perhaps passed the Final Selection when Shinobu was around 12-ish, give or take.  (For setting and comparison’s sake, Kagaya and Amane have long since already been married and Kiriya is already born.) Whether Kanae becomes a Pillar first or they establish the hospital at the Butterfly Mansion first is unclear, but these events happen relatively quickly. I suspect they might have had access to a lot of savings from their parents. Furthermore, this makes Kanae one of the many Pillars in the recent generation who blows that “it usually takes five years to become a Pillar” Taisho Secret away. (As an aside, maybe the reason the Corp as a whole seems to be full of weaklings is because the current Pillars have sucked up all the amazingness, but I digress.)

The Butterfly Mansion’s hospital was established long before Sanemi became a Pillar (according to the light novel chapter “Signpost of the Wind”). Sometime after Kanae becomes a Pillar, Sanemi becomes a Pillar. Giyuu was a Pillar before Sanemi was; the three of them were the same age. My guess is that Shinobu was around 13 when Kanae became a Pillar, putting Kanae and Sanemi around ages 15ish~17 when they would have had chances to interact. For comparison, Giyuu and Sabito were 13 at the time of the Final Selection, so Giyuu would had already been in the Corp longer than Kanae and Shinobu.

The following events either happened very quickly or unfolded over the course of a couple years:

Aoi (likely the the same age as Kanao) comes into their care (she preceded Kanao since she was there for Kanao’s naming, according to Taisho Secrets and second fanbook)*

Kanao (two years younger than Shinobu but much smaller, and given how petite Shinobu is, I can only assume this is because of how malnourished Kanao was) is adopted as their little sister on some May 19 (the anime seems to put the event in winter, but I assume it was already in production before the first fanbook was published with that detail)

Kanao has ample opportunity to observe Kanae’s Flower Breathing and learn by watching

Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho come into the fold (separately or all at once, though not as relatives)

Kanae is killed by Douma (Shinobu is age 14, one of the only pieces of this timeline we can be certain of). As she wished in her dying moments for Shinobu to live a normal life, she may or may not have had Shinobu as her Tsuguko, or had any Tsuguko at all.

Shinobu, age 14, becomes the head of the Butterfly Mansion household, where she already has five adoptive/pseudo younger sisters. At this point she takes on a cheerful personality, as well as probably set her heart on becoming a Pillar as soon as possible and becoming strong enough to defeat the demon that killed Kanae.

*Aoi’s circumstances are important (and curious) because the second fanbook tells us both that she practiced Water Breathing and that she passed the same Final Selection as Muichiro. Since Muichiro became a Pillar two months after taking up the sword, that means he went almost straight from sword to Final Selection to Pillar. We don’t know how much recovery time he needed after losing Yuichiro at age 11, because he wasn’t among the Pillars in the Rengoku Gaiden, so he perhaps only started practicing the sword closer to late 12 or age 13 (putting Aoi around 14, 15-ish when she passed the Final Selection, and presumably quit the sword right after that).  It’s interesting to note what a different relationship Aoi has with Shinobu than Kanao does, especially since Aoi was there first but Kanao was adopted as a sister in a more all-encompassing sense. I suspect (and am putting this in italics for conjecture): Due to whatever circumstances with her Water Breath cultivator (possibly difficulty in housing a lone girl among a bunch of male students), Aoi needed to live elsewhere during her training. The Butterfly Mansion was a good spot, so Kanae and Shinobu agreed, like sponsoring a junior, and in exchange Aoi helped out around the house and hospital. Aoi kept her own last name, as she had her own family to avenge. When Kanao came in, it was purely out of wanting to help an orphan who wound up staying with them instead of being adopted out, which is why she was given a family identity and an opportunity to take the Kochou name if she wanted to (or even Aoi’s family name). They were probably treated differently because of the nature of how they came in and an assumption that Aoi would leave as soon as she entered the Corp. As Kiyo, Naho, and Sumi came in, it was a weird middle ground of whether they were just looked after until something better for them came along or if they were adopted as sisters as fully as Kanao was. Ultimately, they still retained a lot of their identities from before they were orphaned, and it was more of a pseudo-sisterhood, which Aoi had sort of fallen into as well. But, once Aoi entered the Corp and then quit the sword, she probably didn’t feel she could turn to her cultivator for any help, so at that point Shinobu took more full responsibility for her as a permanent household member.

Moving back on to Shinobu’s timeline, if I’m remembering the Giyuu Gaiden correctly (it’s been a while since I read it so I don’t recall exactly), that story took place shortly after Giyuu sent Tanjiro and Nezuko to Urokodaki, and it was also shortly after Shinobu became a Pillar. Since Tanjiro took two years to train after that, that would put her at age 16. Since Kanao joined the Corp in the same batch as Tanjiro, that means Shinobu would have had about two years between becoming a Pillar and taking Kanao as her official Tsuguko (I stress ‘official’ because it comes with distinction Tengen respects, it’s not casual “sure, I’ll look after you” thing). In that time, she had (at least) three other previous Tsuguko, all girls given butterfly hairpins, and who were all killed by demons in that two year period. 

Conjecture about Shinobu and these Tsuguko: 

Knowing how likely she is to be killed before she has an opportunity to avenge Kanae, Shinobu was likely in a hurry to train a Tsuguko and started trying to pass her knowledge on right away. It’s possible they were even closer in age to her than Kanao, maybe even older, and quite possibly physically stronger. It’s possible they were trained under Flower Breathing cultivators and still used that Breath, which would have given Kanao opportunities to learn by watching.  That said, Shinobu doesn’t mention or think back to her Tsuguko often, and they never appear in Kanao’s flashbacks, though their deaths are some of the little pieces that strengthen her resolve to slay demons (she seems to care more about how her pseudo-sisters’ families were killed by them). My guess is that Shinobu made a clear divide between family and work, so as to protect the little girls from getting attached to more people who were likely to be taken away from them. Likely, her Tsuguko and the Butterfly Mansion girls resided in separate spaces and had very little interaction, and their Pillar/Tsuguko relationship was kept very formal so they could all focus on their demon slaying goals (albeit they were probably fond of each other anyway, signified by the butterfly hairpins). 

In that two year period, the following events occur in roughly this order: 

Rengoku become a Pillar (around age 18 or 19, and since he was raised practicing Flame Breathing he probably finished the Final Selection around age 12 or 13, so it clearly took him a more normal period of time to become a Pillar. But, despite being naturally gifted with strength his mother recognized, this drives home how hard he needed to work to overcome a perceived lack of “talent.”)

Iguro becomes a Pillar (around age 19 or 20, so he likely had worked at it a long time)

Aoi passes the Final Selection and quits the sword (thereby leaving Shinobu able to leave most of the hospital and household work to her since she’s no longer training), Muichirio becomes a Pillar (around age 12 or 13, genius-level speed at attaining Pillarhood)

Mitsuri becomes a Pillar (around age 18 or 19--a friend, yay! Also someone who became a Pillar way faster than normal.)

On these note, please also me to jump backwards a few years to when Kanae was still alive. Uzui had to have been a Pillar by at least age 18, but given the state of Ubuyashiki’s illness, probably a lot earlier than that, and he probably didn’t take very long to become a Pillar after entering the Corp. Since Giyuu was already a Pillar in Sanemi’s flashback, then he attained Pillarhood by, at the very oldest, age 17, so it took him four years or less. Interesting that in all these four or more years he’s been convinced the position is vacant, there’s no one else who performs Pillar-worthy achievement in the Corp’s most widely used Breath style. That really drives home the difference between the Pillars and the average cannon fodder. (Also worth noting, the Kamaboko Squad’s progression seems to fall somewhere in the middle; right to the very end the Taisho Secrets state how Tanjiro was still far from mastering Hinokami Kagura.)

At late 17 or age 18, two events occur: 

Shinobu begins filling her body with poison for the sake of exacting revenge, knowing she will likely be eaten (she began about a year before the Pillar Training arc)

Kanao sneaks out to the Final Selection of her own will and with self-studied Flower Breathing, officially becomes a member of the Corp. Shinobu worries Kanao was just doing this because it’s what everyone around her does, as Kanao cannot express that she’s built her own hatred for demons. 

Shinobu makes Kanao her Tsuguko almost right away, making the following changes (conjecture in italics):

Teaching her proper Breathing and sword technique (and the little girls witness her quick progress with blowing up gourds)

Instructing her very simply just to focus on cutting on demons’ heads so that she doesn’t get caught up in indecision on the battlefield

Censuring Kanao a bit for her choice to go against her sisters’ wishes and take up the sword, for now she risks death and giving the other pseudo-sisters yet another person to grieve. Given the risky nature of their work, Shinobu feels forced to treat her the same strict way she treated her Tsuguko instead of treat her as a sister. Kanao accepts this and goes from treating Shinobu as her sister to treating her as her master (calling her “Shihan” instead of “Shinobu-neesan”).

Over the course of the events of canon, Tanjiro and company spend a very large portion of their time in recovery at the Butterfly Mansion (even if a large portion of that time is spent unconscious), they might as well be pseudo-adoptive little brothers. But, I suspect Shinobu bonds more readily with girls. Also in that time, Kanao speeds up the ranks (she attains Hinoto rank, the 7th of 10 ranks, while Tanjiro & co attain the one above that, Hinoe). Furthermore, thanks to Tanjiro’s influence, Kanao also makes leap and bounds in being able to express herself, like something finally broke through.  This at last leaves Shinobu somewhat relieved, after maybe five years or so since she first adopted Kanao. By that time she is getting anxious about the impending final battles (and her death, which she has deemed inevitable but purposeful), and she tells Kanao the plan. And then Oyakata-sama is like, “heeeey, so I heard you want to be friends with demons, I got you one, her name is Tamayo.” (It’s possible he already told her he was planning to get Tamayo’s help and wanted her cooperation, but he didn’t actually approach Tamayo about it until after Pillar Training started (though by Kimetsu logic, it’s highly possible that the crow talking to Tamayo took place much earlier than when it was presented). I gotta wonder how quickly they worked to combine their research and if the other girls in the mansion had any idea who Tamayo and Yushiro were.

And then, at age 18 (or likely 19 given the progression of the series and very lengthy recovery periods, heck maybe even 20), Douma. Shinobu dies, Kanao switches back to calling her Shinobu-neesan instead of Shihan, Kanae’s butterfly hairpin which Kanao wore breaks in battles, Shinobu exacts her revenge on Douma while her efforts against Muzan are also in motion and then she reunites with Kanae and her parents in spirit, and Kanao wears Shinobu’s butterfly hairpin in the final showdown and then she makes Shinobu the surprise hero in the surprise final battle to save Tanjiro. It was a really long night, and a really short, busy life. 

[purplesurveys]

932

What's your favourite sport? Do you prefer to watch it or play it?: I love pro wrestling, if you count that as a sport. I definitely prefer to just stay in front of a TV – I have never been in a ring, nor am I physically fit to even give it a shot without getting harshly injured. Conversely, I love table tennis but I’d rather play it than watch a game.

Who was the last person to send you a friend request on Facebook?: It was a stranger who, upon checking, seems to be some sort of spam account promoting a pyramid scheme. Happy to nope the fuck out of there.

Have you ever been to that person's house?: Definitely not. I don’t add people I didn’t know on any level, anyway.

How recently did you wash your hands?: This morning when I cleaned up after Cooper.

How many girls do you know named Emma?: Not a common name here, so I don’t know any Emmas.

[trigger warning under this I guess. Lots of angst going on at the moment.]

Are you upset, for any reason at all?: Yeah. I’ve been feeling very upset and under stress lately...to give you an idea, I find it a personal achievement to have gotten up and taken this survey. I’m at least self-aware that this is a temporary slump, but while it’s here hanging around, it really sucks to be in it.

How did you feel when you woke up today?: Shitty. The only reason I got up at all was to feed my dogs but otherwise I’ve been glued to either the couch or my bed.

When you're stressed, what helps you to relax or calm down?: Lately, it’s episodes of Good Mythical Morning. Rhett, Link, and their crew will never have any idea just how much they’ve helped this 22 year old, now-wondering-what-her-purpose-is-in-life fresh college graduate keep sane, but I’m glad they have hours upon hours of content and podcasts lying around to keep me company while no one else can.

What were you doing before you started this survey?: I finished another survey that I abandoned yesterday, and was watching GMM to fill up the silence in my room.

Is there something else you should be doing, that's more important?: I’ve been job-hunting 24/7 but lately I’ve been giving myself a break on weekends since no one will be processing applications or booking interviews on a Saturday anyway.

When was the last time you neglected to do something that you'd planned?: Around noon today.

Is there someone that can always make you smile no matter how bad you feel?: Apparently not. I’ve been a wreck all month so far and nothing has worked. Before September, I certainly thought animals or certain humans worked as cures for me.

Do you have any friends that you feel don't fully appreciate you?: I don’t feel that way about them. I think my friends care for me a whole lot, which I appreciate. I’ve had friends come to my DMs quite a few times in the last few days with messages of support since I’ve been a little vocal about how sad I’ve been feeling these days, so I for sure don’t feel invisible. Making me feel present is the best gift anyone could give me.

When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful?: Last week when Gab came over.

Who was the last person that apologised to you?: Myself.

What were they apologising for?: Haven’t been looking out for myself recently.

Do you think they meant it?: I guess not, because I still haven’t stopped being destructive towards myself.

Would you be embarrassed if your parents looked at your Facebook?: I have them as my friends so they see everything. But I’m 22, so while they can complain about some of my posts (and it’s usually the political ones lol), they can’t tell me to take anything down anymore the same way they were able to do so when I was younger.

Describe the personality of the person you have feelings for.: She’s very warm, understanding, generous, and immeasurably protective of the people she loves.

What does your pencil case look like? What's in it?: I have a plush dog pencilcase that I use for my pens and pencils (given by my sister) and a pink pencilcase with a floral design that holds my highlighters (given by Jane).

In your Facebook friends list, who is the first person listed under 'D'?: Some girl named Abby whose surname begins with D. She was someone from my high school and we mutually know each other, but we’re not friends and we’ve never even talked.

How did you meet him/her?: I’ve never talked to her but I’ve known of her since grade school I guess? since she’s my sister’s batchmate.

Did the last person you kissed have facial hair?: No.

You're locked in a room with your ex. Any problems?: It would just be my girlfriend too so there wouldn’t be any problems, except that I’d probably break down crying upon seeing her again because I’ve barely pulled myself together over the last week and have had to go through it alone.

Be honest. What are you most afraid of?: These days I’m definitely doubting my capabilities and achievements and all the shit I’ve put on my resumé and portfolio, and now I’m scared if any company will even give me a chance. I’m honestly holding a little bit of resentment for every employed person right now because I have seen absolutely no one talk about how brutal this whole process/waiting game is, lol. This is so SHITTY, is it just difficult for me or what???? I’m so baffled.

In the last 24 hours, have you seen or spoken to anyone you dislike?: I’ve dealt with myself, but that’s it.

What colour are the eyes of the last person that told you they loved you?: Dark brown. 

What is a word or phrase that you say often?: I like saying “I guess” because it makes me sound unsure about most things and thus makes me not 100% accountable if things go wrong hah. I do have another answer that’s more in line with the angst and depression I’ve been going through recently, and it’s that I’ve repeating BoJack Horseman’s ‘piece of shit’ monologue to himself, but this time saying it to myself.

Name 3 songs that remind you of someone special.: Sparks by Coldplay; anything by Mitski; and anything by St. Vincent.

How much chocolate do you have in your house atm, if any?: We have...a lot. We still have the chocolate cake from Nina’s birthday and we recently received an entire pack of various fun-size chocolate bars like Twix, Three Musketeers, etc. from my aunt. We also have chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream that I normally would finish up in a day, but I’ve been saving it for every future job rejection I receive. 

Who is the most intelligent person you know?: Chesca.

Do you have younger siblings? If you do, are you protective of them?: Yes. I’m protective of my sister but I don’t show it lol. We are not showy in this family.

Who was the last person you insulted?: Idk probably a politician on social media.

What are the other members of your household doing at this moment?: I have not gone out of my room all day...I did not miss this sensation. It’s been a while since I’ve locked myself up for this long.

Do you have any neighbours that you don't get along with?: There’s a house behind ours that loudly plays 80s and 90s power ballads and love songs and it gets insanely irritating and makes the neighborhood feel cheap, but I keep my feelings to myself and I’ve never actually confronted them about it and asked them to stop or decrease their speaker’s volume.

How recently did you speak to the last person you kissed?: Like 30 minutes ago. I’m not very talkative these days and it was actually just the second time today that I initiated a bried conversation. I feel bad for her, and I can’t wait to get better so I can start treating her right again.

Who was the last person you told to get lost, or something similar?: I don’t usually tell this to people.

Give me a random line from the last song you listened to.: “We know better so we’d both better go.”

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you Facebook messaged?: Lots. She’s my girlfriend lol.

Do you have any plans for tonight?: I don’t know. If I feel any better, I’d practice and review for my upcoming interview this Tuesday, but if I’m not okay by then...I don’t know. I’ve stopped planning my days out recently and just go where my legs take me.

Where were you at 9 o'clock last night?: I was at the dining table trying to take a survey, but I quickly lost interest in it.

In the past week, have you slept past midday?: Kind of. Like I mentioned, Gabie’s on the night shift so I’ve been keeping her company, which means I occasionally take naps in the afternoon.

Is there anything happening tomorrow, that you're looking forward to?: No. I’m so scared of tomorrows now.

Is there anyone you used to be friends with, that you now dislike?: I dislike Athenna only because of her attitude and the way she treated Angela during the last few days of their friendship. I don’t have any personal beef with her, at least I don’t think I have. She likes stirring up shit though and I won’t be surprised if she was able to make up a story about me to get our other friends to dislike me.

What is your least favourite chocolate bar?: Eh, I’m pretty picky about chocolate bars so I have more brands that I dislike than the ones I do enjoy. I only like Reese’s, Butterfinger, Twix, and Whittaker’s. 

Do any of your friends or relatives have the same birthday as you?: Just this girl I went to grade school with named Mitch. Otherwise, April 21 babies are a rare breed apparently.

Name the last song that made you cry.: O by Coldplay.

Who do you miss at this moment?: The me from like two weeks ago lol. How far I’ve fallen.

Where is that person?: Stuck in August, I guess.

Have you ever dyed your hair an unnatural colour?: No.

Have you had any deep conversations today?: No.

Is your television on atm?: It’s not, but I have my phone playing GMM videos on YouTube to keep me company.

If it is, what are you watching?: It’s one of their product test videos.

Are you wearing anything blue?: My shirt is blue, actually.

Who were the last 5 people to make you smile?: Rhett and Link, and that’s pretty much it.

Do you use Twitter?: Sure.

Tell me about the last YouTube video you watched. They’re pitting brand name cleaning products and natural cleaning products against each other and seeing which one is more effective. I love these videos of theirs, hahaha.

Is there anything else you'd like to say?: No, I feel like I’ve grilled myself enough in this survey.

[krreader]

you all know me, there’s only a few of my scenarios that have only one genre, so if I were you I’d just read through all of them and see what you like. I tried to put each story to the genre section I thought it’d fit most!

masterlists for other idols/groups can be found here here

fluff:

→ surprising you at school/uni (+ angst) 
 → soulmate!au 
 → soulmate!au - the aftermath (+ crack) 
 → youtuber!reader (+ crack) 
 → meeting you while filming bon voyage
 → meeting foreign producer!reader 
→ falling for a hufflepuff!reader - hogwarts!au (fluff)
 → falling for a gryffindor!reader - hogwarts!au (+ angst ; crack)
 → falling for a ravenclaw!reader - hogwarts!au (+ crack ; mentions of smut) 
→ falling for a slytherin!reader - hogwarts!au (+ angst ; mentions of smut) 
→ falling for a beauxbaton!reader - hogwarts!au (+ angst)
 → your kid writing a poem about why you love their father 
 → approaching you in public, when you don’t speak korean (+ crack) 
 → taking care of you when you’re on your period
 → kissing their best friend (+ crack) 
→ family day at the beach 
 → you thinking you’re not their ideal type, even though you are 
→ playfully shoving you away when you want to help them (+ crack ; smut)
 → you getting a call during tour that your boyfriend is sick/hurt (+ angst)
 → falling for their teacher - college!au / student!bts / teacher!reader (+ crack) 
→ being with their teacher - college!au / student!bts / teacher!reader (+ crack ; smut) 
→ helping you with school work (+ crack) 
 → them being your first kiss 
 → having children different ways 
 → meeting you, a friend of GOT7, at a barbecue (+ hints of angst) 
→ falling for their neighbor (+ crack)
 → taking their family to a vacation
 → cheering you up after an exam (+ angst) 
 → you being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness - the aftermath (happy ending) 
→ you dancing to one of their songs of the new album (+ angst ; crack ; smut) 
→ having to reveal your relationship during an interview
 → you joining them on tour 
 → coming home from tour 
→ spending a cold and rainy day with you (+ mentions of smut)
 → you accompanying them to the UN General Assembly (+ crack)
 → them having to convince their kid they’re okay when flying somewhere (+ angst)
 → being with you when you get your ears pierced (+ crack)
 → you taking care of them when they’re sick (+ crack) 
 → giving/receiving a massage (+ crack ; smut)
 → saying I love you for the first time 
 → randomly complimenting you 
→ talking to your baby belly 
→ winter dates (+ crack)
 → taking care of you when you’re sick 
 → you being their older sister 
 → you being their best friend since childhood (+ crack ; hints of angst)
 → meeting you, their internet friend, for the first time (+ angst)
 → other members teasing your boyfriend for being soft around you 
 → proposing to you during an interview/on a stage (+ hints of angst) 
→ waiting for the result of a pregnancy test when they have to leave for tour (+ crack ; angst) 
→ doing their daughter’s hair/make-up/nails (+ crack)
 → another member comforting you (+ angst) 
→ other members finding you and your boyfriend cuddled up together on the couch (+ crack ; mentions of smut)
 → taking part in Return of Superman (+ crack) 
→ asking actress!reader out after a show (+ hints of crack)
 → becoming insecure because of how famous you are become as an idol (+ angst) 
→ you being the blackpink maknae and meeting the boys 
 → you having to help them when their arm is broken 
→ you as their sister (pre-debut) - sister!reader
 → their nighttime routine with you 
 → your child being obsessed with their BT21 character (+ crack)
 → them as your teachers - non idol!au ; hogwarts!au (+ crack) 
→ cuddling with you (+ crack ; smut) 
→ you being an elementary school teacher and them spending a day with you at school 
 → you being a fan of a girl group and them being supportive of that (+ crack) 
→ falling for you through a partner project - non idol!au ; high school!au (+ angst ; hints of smut) 
→ helping you relieve stress (+ smut) → falling for someone they’re working with (+ angst ; mentions of smut) → learning your native language (+ crack) → making their own lullaby for your baby → asking you out after you successfully finish a collab together → making their surprise return after taking a hiatus because you’ve been sick (+ angst) → you as TXT’s older sister - + txt (+ crack) → playing with your hair → meeting you on the bachelor - bachelor!au (+ hints of angst) → you and him getting your first pet together → home date  → you, an angel, being in love with them, a demon - non idol!au ; demon/angel!au (+ angst) → comforting you before a surgery (+ angst) → telling your children your love story (+ crack) → falling for you, their newest make-up artist (+ smut ; hints of angst) → dating an “average” girl (+ angst) → your child that you raised together, despite not being together, playing matchmaker → proposing to you in the least romantic situations → saying something cute/funny when meeting their parents (+ crack) → spending New Year’s Eve with you → getting your first apartment/house → PDA

crack:

→ ruining your round of superstar bts 
 → talking to another member about your sex life and you overhearing it (+ smut ; fluff ; angst) 
 → scaring you on halloween and you accidentally slapping them (+ fluff)
 → marrying you in vegas (+ angst ; smut) 
→ them being horny, but you’re on your period (+ smut) 
→ having a sex dream about you when you’re next to them (+ smut) 
→ you meeting ghost!bts in a haunted house - supernatural!au / non idol!au (+ fluff ; hints of angst ; hints of smut) 
→ no hands challenge (+ fluff ; smut)
 → them being drunk (+ fluff) → you losing a bet and having to be their slave for a day (+ crack) → you calling them - as your best friend - to cheer you up after a bad day (+ angst) → asking another member for a condom (+ smut)

angst:

→ reconnecting with their ex girlfriends, which makes you upset (+ fluff) 
 → drunkenly cheating on you during tour
 → you being their affair 
→ meeting your racist parents
 → only realizing that they love you when you already left (+ fluff) 
 → you being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness (angst) 
→ you being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness - the aftermath (angst version) 
→ trying to win you back (+ fluff)
 → leaving for tour when they have a newborn baby at home (+ fluff) 
 → you tending to their wounds - mafia!au (+ fluff)
 → inspired by without me by halsey 
 → inspired by without me by halsey - the aftermath 
 → you being a former foster kid and other members noticing you being “clingy”(+ fluff) 
 → complaining about you behind your back and then you trying to ‘improve’ yourself (+ fluff) 
 → you watching a video of them fainting - sister + idol!reader (+ fluff)
 → frat house leader x unpopular girl - college!au (+ fluff)
 → making you feel insecure (+ fluff) 
→ BigHit forcing you two to break up, but them proposing to you instead (+ fluff)
 → telling you they’re ashamed of you/giving you a reason they never wanted to make your relationship public (+ fluff)
 → falling for someone that’s working for them - royalty!au (+ fluff) → telling you they don’t want the child you’re expecting 
→ telling you they don’t want the child you’re expecting - the aftermath (+ fluff)
 → you confessing to them, even though they’re already in a relationship
 → you confessing to them, even though they’re already in a relationship - the aftermath (+ fluff)
 → rejecting you when you ask them out 
 → rejecting you when you ask them out - the aftermath (+ fluff)
 → being forced to break up with you 
 → being forced to break up with you - the aftermath (+ fluff) 
→ confessing to you when they know you’re dying 
 → inspired by because I had you by shawn mendes 
→ chasing after you after a fight about the child you’re expecting (+ fluff)
 → running into his mean ex (+ fluff)
 → being protective of you - vampire!bts ; human!reader (+ fluff) 
→ you becoming scared of them after you witness them kill someone with a family - non idol!au ; mafia!au
 → falling for their friend with benefits 
 → your child not being happy about you wanting/having another child (+ hints of fluff and smut) 
→ pranking you and it going wrong (+ fluff ; crack)
 → surprising you in a romantic way after a hard day (+ fluff)
 → overhearing your friends telling you to break up with them for your own good (+ fluff)
 → inspired by Kiss and Make Up by Dua Lipa and BLACKPINK (+ smut) 
→ meeting each other as enemies - various au’s ; non idol!au (+ fluff)
 → meeting each other as enemies (the aftermath) - various au’s ; non idol!au (+ fluff) 
→ fighting with you because of wanting to raise your child differently (+ fluff)
 → arranged marriage - mafia!au (+ fluff ; hints of smut) → you telling them you’re pregnant, before they could break up with you (+ fluff)
 → soulmates, but from rivalry houses - hogwarts!au ; soulmate!au (+ fluff) → you comforting them after something went wrong during a concert (+ fluff) → spending one last day together → them cheating with your best friend → you being upset after planning for a trip doesn’t go as planned (+ fluff) → you being upset about them not spending time with you on your days off due to a comeback (+ hints of fluff)

smut:

→ exposing your/their kinks to other members (+ crack)
 → sleeping with you while one of their songs is playing (+ crack)
 → taking your virginity as your best friend (+ fluff ; hints of angst)
 → other members teasing you for having been too loud the night before (+ crack)
 → them being the good guy, you being the bad girl (+ angst ; fluff)
 → them being your affair and becoming jealous/possessive (+ angst ; fluff) 
→ neck kissing (+ crack ; fluff) 
→ wanting to have sex without a condom (+ fluff) 
→ being stuck in a closet with you and having a boner - non idol!au ; college!au (+ fluff) → being sexually desperate when they come home (+ crack) → morning sex (+ fluff) → eating you out while you’re doing a livestream - celebrity!reader → foreplay (+ fluff)

other:

→ competition - + got7 / idol!reader (fluff ; angst ; crack) → regrets series - the aftermath (+ fluff) 


[mamabearcat]

All Fired Up - Part 3

Thanks for all the likes and reblogs guys. Aw shucks. As a reward, you get a crazy two for the price of one deal, never to be repeated - part 3 closely followed by part 4! Enjoy.

Part 1

Part 2

Lucy tried to keep a smile on her face as the red headed woman in a navy-blue skirt and police uniform shirt entered her room, the clicking of her high heels softened by the linoleum flooring. She realised this woman would be asking her to give her version of events regarding the apartment fire, and she was having trouble concentrating. It was hard to concentrate on anything at the moment when she was feeling more than a little overwhelmed. Natsu had just told her that everything she owned in this world was gone; her clothes, her books, her photos… everything. She was sitting here in a hospital gown - she didn’t even own the clothes on her back. There was just her and Plue. And a wave of rising panic.

 She gulped and pushed the feeling down. Natsu’s visit with Plue had been a welcome reprieve, and for a little while she’d felt genuinely happy for the first time in ages. Something about Natsu made her feel comfortable. Even when he’d told her about her apartment, she hadn’t felt as alone as she had this morning, waking up in a hospital room with only vague memories of how she’d got there. His presence was warm and cheerful, and with him in her room she’d felt safe. She’d allowed herself a few minutes to collapse in Natsu’s arms, to lean on a stranger’s strength for a just a moment while she regrouped, but that would have to be enough. It’s not like she would probably ever see him again once she was out of hospital, apart from picking up Plue. It wouldn’t be long before she would be forced to go back out into the real world, alone.

 The real world didn’t stand still for feelings. It didn’t care when her mother had died when she was only a child, and as she struggled through high school alone with a father made mentally distant by crippling depression. It didn’t care that when she’d finally reconnected with her father only a year ago, he’d been diagnosed soon after with inoperable cancer. It didn’t care that after nursing him for six months she’d had to say goodbye to the only family member she had, leaving her alone in the world.

 Feelings were there to be swallowed. Only the surface mattered. If you showed a smiling face, people didn’t dig too deep. No matter what they said, people didn’t really want truth when they asked, ‘How are you?’ They didn’t want messy emotions that made them uncomfortable. They wanted politeness, safeness, sameness.

 She took a deep breath, and turned her smile towards the police woman, watching as she greeted Natsu by name, saw her smile at Plue as Natsu explained the reason for the dog in his lap. Watched as they teased each other, obviously old friends. She used the minute they spent chatting to focus her thoughts on trying to remember the fire. At the moment it was a blur, but she was pretty sure if she concentrated, she would be able to remember some details that might be helpful.

 This woman, Erza, was from the Arson Squad, so the fire hadn’t been an accident. Natsu had mentioned the Arson Squad too, saying they’d examined her apartment, and for some reason she hadn’t quite worked out yet, that didn’t surprise her. Something had happened. She’d been struggling with a panicky feeling since this morning. It was vague; she couldn’t really remember much, but something at the back of her mind told her she should be afraid.

 Images flashed across her memory. An empty hallway. A man with spiked blond hair, a tattooed face, teeth sharpened to points. A rasping voice. His leer as he mouthed the words “You’re pretty.”

 She didn’t realise that she was gasping for breath until she felt a touch on her shoulder, and Natsu’s concerned gaze. The edges of her vision were blurring out a little, and dark spots floated across her vision. She concentrated on the green of his eyes. They were almost too green, not hazel, but a deep moss green, shot with hints of emerald. And his eyelashes. The long dark lashes framed his eyes made them seem even brighter somehow.

 Natsu’s voice sounded a little fuzzy, and she could feel her fingers tingling, hands twisting as the muscles spasmed, and the pain of the burns on her forearms flared. There was a high-pitched buzzing noise in her ears and her heart thumped hard and rapid against her chest, like a caged animal trying to escape. Was she dying? Her eyes widened as a feeling of pure panic rose in her chest again, and she watched as Natsu calmly handed Plue to the red-haired woman, and pushed the nurse call buzzer, then grasped her hands in his. He was talking again. The words and meaning were fuzzy, but the tone was warm, comforting. His hands were warm too, squeezing her cold tingly fingers. He was breathing slowly, exaggeratedly, in through his nose, and out through his mouth, his generous lips pursing as he pushed the air out. Should she do that too?

 She tried to follow Natsu’s breathing and felt his hands squeeze hers again as he nodded in encouragement. In and out. She did her best to copy him, her eyes locked on his, feeling rather than seeing a nurse replace the nasal cannula with a full faced oxygen mask. All of her visual awareness was locked on Natsu. When he tried to release her fingers to move out of the nurse’s way, she resisted, grasping his fingers more firmly. She felt so cold and his hands were warm.

 Gradually the rest of the room came back into focus. She could feel the tightness of a blood pressure cuff on her arm, and the cold sensation of a stethoscope on her back as the nurse listened to her heartrate. The sound of whimpering as Plue struggled in the policewoman’s arms, desperate to get to her. The firm grasp of Natsu’s fingers. She squeezed them one more time in thanks, and then let them go, her heart beating a little faster again as she realised he was sitting on the bed next to her. But that wasn’t important right now. She turned her gaze to the police woman sitting quietly out of the way on the chair next to her bed.

 “I remember. I remember who started the fire.”

 The police woman’s gaze sharpened.

 The nurse interrupted. “I’m not sure if Ms Heartfilia should be discussing this right now. Her heartrate is still elevated, and I’d prefer it if she got some rest and calmed down first.”

 Lucy shook her head. “Please”, she said, her voice muffled by the oxygen mask over her face. “I want to give the information I have while it’s still clear in my head. It’s important.” The nurse pursed her lips and then let out a heavy sigh.

 “I want you to keep that mask on for the next ten minutes without talking. I’ll be back to check on your obs, and if you’ve made some improvement, then I’ll allow it.” Her eyebrow twitched in amusement. “And you’d better get that dog out of here before the next shift starts – I don’t mind, but you might not have as much luck with the next nurse on duty.”

 Natsu chuckled. “Sure thing.”

 When the nurse left, Erza got to her feet, handing a still wriggling Plue to Natsu. “Ms Heartfilia, if you don’t mind, I will go to the cafeteria and purchase a coffee to give you a moment to collect your thoughts. Can I get anything for you Natsu?”

 Natsu looked towards Lucy. “Maybe I should take Plue and go, so Lucy can get some rest.” When Lucy’s eyes widened and she shook her head, he smiled easily at her, plonking Plue in her lap and moving off the bed to sit in the chair that Erza had just vacated. “Okay. Guess I’ll have a long black then, thanks Erza.”

 After Erza had left, Natsu and Lucy shared a comfortable silence for a few minutes, Natsu gazing out the window while Lucy stroked Plue’s ears as he settled down on her lap.

 “Natsu?”, she said softly. Natsu glanced back to her and shook his head.

 “I don’t think your ten minutes are up yet Lucy. Nurse’s orders, remember.” He smiled at her irritated sigh. “You did really well before. I used to have panic attacks all the time when I was younger – I remember how scary they feel.” He hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Did you remember something about the fire that frightened you?”

 Lucy closed her eyes and nodded, concentrating on her breathing for a moment before opening them again.

 Natsu turned his gaze back towards the window. “When I was nine, our house burnt down. I was stuck downstairs in the basement – we had a rumpus room down there, where I had my Nintendo 64 set up.” He laughed. “I was so into playing Super Smash Bros. I didn’t notice the fire at first, and then I couldn’t get out because the door was blocked from the other side, and the window was too small to climb out of. I cut myself pretty badly on the glass trying though, before the fire crew could get to me. For a while I was terrified of fire; couldn’t even have birthday candles on my cake without setting off a panic attack.” He laughed again. “And look at me now, I’m a fireman.”

 He gave her a grin. “I guess what I’m tryin’ to say Lucy, is that even though we don’t know each other very well, I sort of understand. And, if you’ll let me, I’d like to be there for you. I’d like us to be friends. Gotta start makin’ friends in a new city sometime right?”

 For just a moment, Lucy hesitated. She hadn’t had any real friends for such a long time, but in the short time she’d known him Natsu had proven himself to be brave, strong and caring. He made her feel happy. And if that wasn’t enough, Plue trusted him. She gave him a small smile. “I’d like that Natsu”, she said softly. Natsu’s answering grin gave her a warm feeling, and suddenly she didn’t feel quite so alone any more.

 A sharp knock alerted them to Erza’s return, carrying two takeaway cups of coffee. Erza grabbed herself a second chair, passing Natsu’s coffee to him. The nurse bustled in, and checked Lucy’s obs, grudgingly giving Erza the go ahead to ask questions. She replaced the oxygen facemask with the nasal cannula, reminding them not to stress Lucy too much, before heading out of the room.

 “Are you sure you feel ready to proceed Ms Heartfilia?” asked Erza, taking out her recorder. “I’ll be recording this conversation, if you’re happy with that. At the moment this interview is informal, to gather information for the case.”

 “Do you need me to leave Erza?” asked Natsu.

 “Actually, I’d prefer you’d stay, seeing you were responsible for Ms Heartfilia’s evacuation from the building. You might be able to add to her recollection.”

 Lucy looked at Erza uncertainly. “I’ll do my best, but everything is a little hazy.”

 “Why don’t you start from earlier on in the evening Ms Heartfilia, that might help jog your memory”, said Erza kindly.

 “Alright. I got home late from work. I’m a journalist; I’m actually researching a story at the moment on the recent string of apartment fires in Magnolia”, began Lucy. “I’d decided to take a break from work and spend some time on a private project I have…” She closed her eyes and tried to remember.

Part 4

[sepiadice]

DiceJar 0 END: what could have been...

Being completed ghosted for a scheduled session once again, I suppose I should finally face the facts and call the campaign. Which is, of course, very disappointing.

-

Let’s review the experiments I attempted in this campaign.

Experiment 1: Using a published module/adventure.[1]

I thought I might gain some valuable insight by analyzing a ‘professional’ product. By using an adventure I’d previously played myself, I’d hoped my experiences would smooth out my figuring out how to run it. Eventually, I learned the value of bullet pointed action plans, because the formatting of Crypt of the Everflame was not good for skimming, as vital information was hidden in the middle of information texts so I’d miss it during the game if I didn’t make sure to call, say, dice roll mechanics for going down a slippery hillside. It also meant I could look ahead and edit out rooms and mechanics that didn’t move the story of dungeon.

So, this experiment was technically a success, even if the lesson I took away was ‘modules don’t work well with my improv style, but provides inspiration sometimes.’ More on that later.

Experiment 2: Get a group to meet regularly.

So I’ve been wanting to do an actual play show since… well, before Critical Role and The Adventure Zone made it cool. For that, I need players willing to collaborate and also respect call time. As you can easily conclude from the time stamps, I couldn’t manage that, even when a freaking pandemic swept in and made being home for online sessions theoretically easier![2] Admittedly, my work schedule is not exactly ideal, as my Saturdays are permanently called for, and my Sundays are a wild ride of inconsistency, while my peers are moving to more conventional work life.

So, the experiment failed, and to a degree that I doubt a career or just schedule change would help. I did learn that a biweekly schedule works well for me, since I can spend the off week on planning, and still have time for my pre- and post-performance need to separate thoroughly and enter a neutral state.[3]

Experiment 3: Finish a dang narrative arc.

Ha ha. This also failed! Couldn’t get to the end of the dungeon. Welp.

Other lessons learned

I don’t online play well! Just get distracted by other internet tabs. It’s not as bad when I GM, since the stress of running the game keeps me more focused, but both the Curse of Strahd campaign I quietly quit[4] and IndigoDie’s Troika session[5] showed that I’m a garbage player online. Possibly an adoption of webcams and faces would assist, but I can’t ask for that.

People still hard! Still haven’t figured out how to get anyone invested. Can’t really be upset at the silent cancellations because I’m technically doing that with Curse of Strahd, and thus would be a hypocrite.

-

What was planned!

It’s only fair I give some amount of closure.

Session three ended with Bean dying, and there wasn’t a narratively consistent way to introduce a new party member…

Well, I guess if NavyDie consented to playing a bandit, or rewriting the scared dungeon prepper the party skipped…

What I decided was thus:

Bean's eyes open. The sharp pain of the punctures and tears, and the slow ache of liquid passing through those openings are gone, as is much of the world's color. The torches and other sources of light shine blue.

His companions are gathered around him, their mouths moving as if speaking, but Bean hears nothing.

For some reason, Bean feels at peace with this. This is correct.

Footsteps echo from the stairs, growing louder. A figure emerges from the floor below. When it enters the light, at first it is blurry, like many images projected upon the same space. Within the time that Bean's now still heart would have beat, the many silhouettes fade, leaving one form: Bean's father, though not the frail man Bean saw before he left Kassen, nor how bean's father looked before he was ravaged by illness, but the impossibly tall, strong, noble figure that Bean remembers his father being.

Though this man's smile has none of the warmth, and his eyes glow with an eldritch light.

"Seems you've come to some misfortune, Bernard Dipp," says this Mr. Dipp-who-is-not-Bean's-father. "Would you like some help with that?"

This mysterious fiend would become Bean’s patron for a level of Warlock, and ride around his head for the foreseeable future, threatening death if Bean didn’t do as ordered. You know, an excuse for Bean to continue adventuring instead of taking over the family farm.

As for where this fiend came from… well, I easily adapted that into the dungeon’s lore.

Kassen, whose visage is all over the crypt, is not the only one entombed within. There are also those who perished alongside him during his final battle, as well as those who perished facing him in the final battle. This includes Asar, who once adventured with Kassen until the two became bitter enemies or whatever, ending when Asar lead the charge against Kassen.

Anyways, an amount of time ago, bandits stumbled upon Kassen’s Crypt and started looting, and disturbed the coffins, looting a pair of medallions.

Here’s my adjustment: the medallions are now artifacts sealing away a fiend, and reuniting them freed him, whose presence radiated enough necromantic energies and roused Asar, who was deeply offended to be interred in a shrine to his enemy. Stupid, egotistical Kassen. Let’s channel this necromantic magic laying away and get some skeletal minions and kill those who bother me.

Which wasn’t great for the bandits, then later the advance party from Kassen, sent to make the trial safe for the youths. Blood was spilled. It wasn’t great.

Then our heroes arrived, and (hypothetically) resolved matters. Kassen’s ghost would then appear, thank the party, probably convey embarrassment at how the place is decorated, and grant boons to the party[6] before sending them on their way with a lit lantern.

Back in town, a grand celebration would turn somber as word of what happened in the tomb occurred, by it would be mixed and a feast would still be held.

The module ends with someone inviting the party to join the Pathfinder Society, but I’d cut that.

As for the fiend? Well, he’s transferred his tether from the amulets to Bean, so now he can ride the boy to wherever.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything particularly exciting planned for the others, as Bean was the only one who I got the opportunity to saddle with a commitment.

IndigoDie quit anyways.

Delilah I could motivate with eagerness to be free of her parents.

Yot… is a mercenary, so maybe Delilah could’ve paid him.

I could’ve figured something out if the players insisted on continuing with their characters. That would’ve been a discussion for after the module was completed.[7]

-

Moving forward!

So DiceJar waits evermore. I don’t want to admit that it’s an implausible goal, but I’m not in a great headspace about it. I still crave role-playing, but I think I’ll wait for someone to start their own campaign, or I guess see if I get a turn-over of my friend group.

NavyDie mentioned wanting to try a Powered by the Apocalypse system, and it’s only fair I actually try the mechanics before completely writing the rule set off.[8]

The next experiments I want to run when I return to behind the GM screen relates to system: Savage Worlds (once the most recent edition is back in print) as I search for a generic system that fits my needs, and Ryuutama, because Ryuutama just looks fun.

But… I don’t know what to do from here.

Until next time, may your dice (and whatever dice governs me) make things interesting.

-

[1] The correct terminology isa matter of pointless debate. [2] Charisma and Constitution are obviously my dumb stats. [3] Not sure my meaning is conveyed correctly. I’ll probably nail it down in a future write-up. [4] The group was too large, and after IndigoDie quit there were insufficient participants I knew and was comfortable performing with. [5] Which didn’t get a write-up because I didn’t have anything of substance to say. [6] Which, in the original Pathfinder, was something the each player can evoke for a temporary stat bonus, but in 5e I was going to change to a free Inspiration recharge. [7] Though I would not send them to Last Wall. It would’ve been time for me to spin off to my own stuff, and Last Wall… is not something that needs to be repeated. [8] I’ve never heard an Actual Play where Powered by the Apocalypse wasn’t either a hindrance or irrelevant.

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Midsommar [spoiler review]

Ari Aster has released his second feature film, Midsommar for which he writes and directs and it is a vast, expansive experience that threw me through a kaleidoscope of emotions, which amazingly is something I can’t say for a large number of horror movies coming out these days. That being said however, I’m not entirely sure that I could confidently class Midsommar as a horror. I don’t know if I’d really class it as any specific genre at all. It is certainly its own beast and for that, I would commend it highly. As something that is so dense with detail I will probably be jumping back and forth to moments in the story, giving this review a somewhat non-chronological structure. I can’t possibly touch on everything, especially as I’ve only seen it once. I believe it is something that needs multiple experiences to fully appreciate and is a movie I’d love to experience again.

The talent on display in regards to basically every technical aspect of the film is to be praised tremendously. I loved the cinematography and the look of the movie; the colours and the sets were all gorgeous. Mostly set in broad daylight, this stylistic choice is not something I’d immediately associate with a movie that was going for this type of vibe. Mixed with the set designs, the look of the movie made for a visual feast I couldn’t keep my eyes off of. What made the aesthetic qualities of the movie pop that little bit extra for me was the camera work and how it moved; I think of shots like when Dani goes into the bathroom in the first act and the camera pans over the door frame and twists to show her standing in the toilet of the plane. Or when they’re driving across Sweden and the camera flies over the car and turns to end up in an upside down position, perhaps foreshadowing what the characters are in for on this journey. It’s details like this that cracked a huge smile from me as I was watching, not to mention it separates Midsommar from so many other movies that try to depict suspense and terror. Furthermore, a feature that I found to be intensely thoughtful to accompany the fantastic visual display was the editing, or more specifically the cutting of shots. Often I see movies follow a certain formula when it comes to this facet; conversations cut together with a shot of one character and then a reverse shot to show another character; wide angles to establish locations or buildings, then cutting to the inside of the buildings themselves. There’s seldom ever much of a flare to the editing of a movie but I saw Midsommar capture that charmingly to add tension or even to highlight a joke. Accompanied by the score, a lot of these shots gave off an eerie tone that made me feel pleasantly uncomfortable. I loved the low, stretched out notes of the music that went that extra step further in order to make me feel slightly distressed. The sound design was incredible and generally it isn’t a facet I’d pick up on unless it was either done very well or very poorly. There were sections where even items like cutlery or people walking would catch my ear in a noticeably pleasing way. It shouldn’t be undervalued at all; great sound design can elevate a movie so much and I’m both glad and impressed at how well it was executed here.

Midsommar’s first act may have unfortunately contained a lot of my favourite moments. It introduced the main characters and worked to convey the relationships between Dani and Christian, as well as with Christian and his friends and how they all felt about Dani. I appreciated the time put into the dynamic between Christian and his friends and how they viewed Dani, although this was sort of thrown away once they got to Sweden; I never saw any sort of resentment from them towards Dani after that. Pelle obviously felt a lot differently about Dani, going as far as to kiss her during the latter stages of the movie. I’m not sure why it was necessary to have Pelle feel this way and I don’t understand what it added to the story besides forcing some conflict into Dani’s relationship with Christian, which was being achieved on his end regardless. Along with this, we are also shown the unfortunate and upsetting demise of Dani’s family which acts as a plot point in helping Dani to decide upon accompanying Christian and his friends to Europe. Seeing what happens to Dani’s family may have been the most affecting part of the movie for me. To top it off, her reaction was absolutely chilling; I love how Aster gets such raw and believable performances in his films. Dani’s loud, pained cries made me feel for her so much and forced a deep discomfort into me that carried through as the credits and title came on screen. Something that intrigued me quite a bit during this first act is how conversations were filmed through mirrors. We would see a couple of instances of characters talking to other characters that were reflected in a mirror. These static shots that carried on for a short while added to the tense atmosphere and the conversations or arguments that were taking place, imposing a kind of separation between those we could see outside the mirror and those we see inside the mirror. The main cast we’re introduced to in America are all good and give believable and compelling performances. Florence Pugh was fantastic as Dani; William Jackson Harper was decent; Will Poulter was great and one of the stand-outs from my experience. Vilhelm Blomgren portrayed quite an interesting character in Pelle. Christian seemed to be the only one that rubbed me the wrong way because he was such a massive dick the entire time and he was never redeemed. Not to say Jack Reynor’s acting was bad (quite the opposite in fact), I just didn’t sympathise with the character. There are aspects to the characters and the decisions they make that wound me up a bit but in terms of the acting, they were more or less solid.

The secondary characters, or mainly the Swedish locals didn’t stand out as individuals to me, possibly because they were portrayed more as a collective, which is fine but I would’ve liked to have seen some character development from at least a couple of them. Now, I say it’s unfortunate that I derived the most entertainment out of this first act because after that, Midsommar suffers quite a bit from some pacing issues. This movie is almost two and a half hours long and it didn’t feel like it needed to be, especially with a plot that only allows for so much exploration. The plot itself is quite basic, but it is displayed as something so grandiose in scope that it comes across as being eminently pretentious. Could it be the insanely short production time that went into making Midsommar that makes it feel fairly lacking in a few areas? Or is this genuinely the cut that Aster wanted? Results from a quick search of the movie told me that around half an hour of its running time was cut due to the content it presented. Consequently, this will make the home video release different to some degree than the cinema release as it may come to our TV screens as a director’s cut. If this is in fact the case (and I do intend to buy the blu-ray upon its release) then could it be that we’ve not even seen the movie that Ari Aster wanted us to see? Will a director’s cut make it better, worse, or simply just longer? I for one am assuredly excited to see what the end result is.

A big problem I had with Midsommar is how early it peaked in regards to the horror. One of the first things the main characters are presented with upon arriving at this rural community is the idea of people being separated into groups depending on their age: the concept that they didn’t consider themselves adults until a certain age; that they didn’t work until they were old enough to; that they died when they reached a specific year of their life. They’re then told that a ceremony will be held the next day and while our main characters ask what it is, we see William Jackson Harper’s character, Josh smiling in a sly “I know what it is” kind of way. His friends try to ask what he knows, to which he does not divulge anything. What follows this is a scene wherein two elderly people sacrifice themselves by falling off of a cliff in front of the other members of the community. To me, this scene was beautifully unsettling for a number of reasons. Despite expecting them to jump initially, I was still shocked at how well it was executed both in relation to the story and in a technical sense. At first, the woman jumps off of the cliff, dying instantly with a bloodcurdling crunch. Of course the characters from America and the characters we are introduced to earlier from England are understandably shocked. Even Josh reels back in surprise which I found to be a little strange considering how he acted as though he knew what was going on beforehand. What did he think was going to happen if not that? We’re never told. As the old man approaches the edge of the cliff and the English and Americans clue in to what is happening, they react as I’m sure we all would to what happens as he prepares to jump. He lands in a much more awkward fashion with a smaller sound that is no less distressing. Only this time, he doesn’t die... The scene is then racked up a notch as he screams out in pain at having his leg torn off and his body broken on impact. The rest of the Swedish onlookers scream in pain with him and it is terrifying to hear. I imagine this painted a picture to most viewers that the locals we are presented with in this rural Swedish village are all somewhat spiritually connected; are able to empathise with one another's emotions in a way that makes them able to feel the sensations of those they’re close to. Undoubtedly the torment doesn’t stop there and Aster has to quite literally hammer home what this ceremony is all about. In order to put the old man out of his misery, a group of people take it in turns to smash his head in with a large mallet, causing further stress to the main characters, but stopping all of the Swedish inhabitants from screaming in agony. That whole scene… was awesome! I loved it and it stands to be maybe my favourite sequence from the movie. The unfortunate part is that after this happens, I expected everything to amp up a bit and start showing me more uncomfortable and fucked up things but sadly this wasn’t the case. In a sense, it was as if the movie blew its load on this earlier scene and didn’t focus on too many other stand-out plot beats which was pretty disappointing.  For some reason, Will Poulter’s character ‘Mark’ had slept through this ceremony and as a result, hadn’t experienced what his friends had. Whether this was done for a specific reason I’m not picking up on or simply so that he could continue to crack jokes is beyond me. I will give credit where credit is due: this movie made me laugh when it wanted me to. The inclusion of comedy in Midsommar was expertly handled and never made it come across as a lame horror-comedy.

Prior to this and upon arriving in the green fields of rural Sweden, the protagonists all get high and lie around in the grass. While the comedy kicks in here, it is also notable for the reaction of Dani as she starts to feel the grief of losing her family once more and urgently tries to get rid of it. I liked this scene and how it played slightly with the visuals which foreshadowed the inclusion of drugs and their effects later on in the movie.  Sadly with what happens to Dani’s family in the first act, I’m not sure it was that purposeful overall, despite liking how it was depicted. Yes, this event does explain how Dani acts for sections of the film and yes I did like seeing it act as a catalyst for why she goes to Sweden in the first place, but I’m not sure it was hugely purposeful when referring to the movie as a whole. It never came back in a way that affected the narrative or the story that was being told. It was just something that happened to the protagonist that caused her a great deal of upset. Almost as if they could have died in any number of terrible circumstances and it wouldn’t have made a difference. While I really liked the characters’ first drug trip sequence, I got worried early on that Midsommar was going to take an approach that put the trips and the drugs at the forefront of the movie, akin to something like Shrooms (which was just awful) and sure, they played a big part but it did more to enhance what was actually happening rather than fabricate a story that didn’t really take place, just to have them wake up in a field exclaiming how crazy their collective trip was.

As the characters start to become more and more under the influence through the drugs that they’re given, we see the world warp around them. Trees ripple and form faces; the food would shift; flowers would pulse in accordance to Dani’s breathing; characters’ facial features would distort. Dani starts seeing grass sprouting from her hands and feet, or vines mimicking her movements to show how she’s progressively becoming part of this society. Characters like Christian however start experiencing the drugs in a negative and more aggressive way, as if they’re being attacked by senses! There is unease and terror in how Christian experiences the festival, whereas Dani’s experience is comparatively happier. The contrast of how Dani was being accepted and Christian was being rejected was thrilling to see, markedly in how Dani’s demeanour changed as she found herself integrating with everyone else. Although I must say I’m not sure why they kept drinking that drugged water that looked like muddy urine. Christian almost refuses to drink it until he’s told “it’s spring water with special properties” which was all the information he needed apparently! What properties were they? Doesn’t matter; he drank it anyway. The moronic decisions manage to manifest more throughout the movie, however. Regrettably we don’t get to see much of Mark and Josh’s experience with the hallucinogens or even much of the festival because their time is cut short in a manner I didn’t find all too entertaining. Mark is the first to go from the original team. Due to urinating on a sacred tree, he is murdered off-screen and has his face cut off. This could’ve made for a superb scene if it were done right but the way it was handled came across as hollow. Elements akin to this could have worked to convey unease and terror, but they are implied rather than shown which can work in some circumstances but I would’ve liked to have seen something more memorable and haunting instead of seeing an after-product and thinking “okay well I guess that happened”. Show him being mutilated, you cowards! You don’t even have to show it; just possibly what happens in the lead up! It would’ve made for a far more compelling story beat! All that happens is a girl comes up to him as he’s eating with everyone and asks to show him something. His response is just  “she’s gonna show me” and leaves. He doesn’t question what he’s about to be shown; he just gets up and wanders off with a girl he doesn’t know in a foreign country, going purely off of Pelle’s word that everyone there is great! What a way to force that in! Josh is next on the kill list because he took some pictures of a sacred book when he knew he wasn’t supposed to because either he’s just insensitive to other peoples’ cultures, or he thinks it’s okay as long as it’s for his thesis. After this happened I kind of dropped off. With most of my favourite characters gone and the remaining characters questioning everything less and less, not only was there not much left to ground the film in a world that would consider the things that were happening to be deeply disturbing, but also from the protagonists’ perspectives as well.

I’ll acknowledge I’ve been railing on this film a considerable amount... with good reason. But despite being heavy on the criticisms, I still consider Midsommar to be a good, even great movie! I adore films that beg me to revisit them and learn more about them with each watch. Sprinkled throughout Midsommar are a tonne of small details and I’m sure I didn’t pick up on everything; in fact I hope I didn’t. Along with strange “what the hell?” moments like putting scissors under the baby’s pillow (I think that’s what it was anyway) that I still don’t understand, there also exists things that maybe don’t need to be thought about but are still nice to see included, such as goats and cows that took the immersion into this countryside village a notch higher. Or to draw from more obvious details that add depth to the people: going back to how they would all scream in unison, for instance to empathise with another’s emotions; when Dani sees Christian cheating on her, all the girls she is with cry and scream with her, possibly to experience what she’s feeling and/or to show her that they consider her to be part of their people, which also manages to contrast with earlier in the movie wherein she’s with Christian in her apartment but she’s the only one experiencing the intense pain as Christian tries to comfort her.

Upon entering the third act I started to wonder what the actual point in Midsommar was. Could it possibly be one big metaphor for grief and how we can choose to deal with it? There didn’t seem to be that grand of a point being made, either in the relationship between Dani and Christian, the relationship between America and Europe, or just the presence or influence of cults and religion in different parts of the world; those ideas seemed somewhat surface level. So I can’t help but think it was trying to convey a more metaphorical meaning. Either that or its meaning was just “Europe’s weird, man”. In this way, the finale didn’t leave much of an impact besides leaving me feeling quite hollow and disappointed, wondering what all that had been in service to.  I can’t say Midsommar blew me away with much of what it showed me. There were a few decisions made which weren’t all that original in how they were executed and there were some dumb moments that had me questioning why they were included at all. Yet I would never say it isn’t unique in what it achieves; I can’t disregard all of the jaw-dropping technical showmanship and the interesting, creepy ideas that managed to meld horror and suspense and mystery and comedy into something I simply don’t know how to categorise. I could talk for ages about this film and still not touch on absolutely everything about it. Ari Aster is clearly a talented guy and I can’t wait to pick up the blu-ray and watch it a million more times. Along with that, I am for sure going to see whatever he puts out next. These are the kind of movies I love seeing and supporting and I honestly can’t recommend Midsommar enough because it’s something I feel will resonate with different people in different ways, evoking more than a few interpretations of it. It is so worth the watch.

★★★½