#and not in every situation but admittedly not being given very much grace or understanding in this particular one

[ghostcrows]

if vikki or even xandra had been the ones in milos position I think they would have literally been vigilante killed already by now or stuck in mens prisons the way griffin is in a womens prison like milo had to become part of a violent crime to attract kiwifarms hounds to his scent but all vikki had to do was be in the public eye whilst a trans woman

I do think that is an interesting way of showing how like, a trans man would have a much less severe punishment over a trans woman in the same position, on top of being white, although he also was cis presenting at the time so that's another factor, like I can't say for sure what the public perception would have been had he been out at the time, I think it'd have been harsher but still not as harsh as if he was a trans girl and not white

And it's hard to talk about it in terms of "privilege" because of the connotations of the word even though that's also basic shit like it doesn't mean "you have it good" it means "you could have had it much worse which is saying a lot because this is already some rock bottom shit"

Like if you tried to tell him this he'd probably balk pretty hard at the concept but then it's also the way people say it like they're always saying shit to him that isn't untrue but is the least kind way you could have put it. And then it's like well do you owe that kindness to someone who's not seeing how the way his cards were dealt were actually like, some of the more favorable ways the cards can be dealt in this situation. I kind of think you do just on the principle of dealing with a heavily traumatized person but you can't blame people for being frustrated and impatient with that either

[robininthelabyrinth]

The Greed Is The Unraveling - Chapter 2 - ao3

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said, rubbing his eyes. “Do you think we’ve made it – worse?”

Lan Wangji didn’t respond, which wasn’t promising. Normally, Wei Wuxian’s husband could be counted on to respond with an affirming hum at the very least, something which reassured Wei Wuxian of his presence even if he completely disagreed (or agreed!) with what he’d said. But then again, Wei Wuxian supposed that Lan Wangji’s silence on the matter was understandable – after all, he wasn’t just being silent in response to Wei Wuxian.

He wasn’t talking at all.

Wei Wuxian didn’t blame him.

It must have been a terrible shock to meet his father as a young man.

In fairness, it was pretty weird for Wei Wuxian, too. He’d heard of Qingheng-jun, obviously, and he’d formed what was admittedly a pretty bad opinion of the man as a result of everything he’d heard, but he’d never actually expected to meet him – much less as he was now, a proud-looking man of nearly thirty who carried his sword as if he knew what to do with it and who stepped up to meet the political situation with calm dignity and thoughtfulness, reserved and yet still charismatic.

He looked like Lan Wangji, or perhaps more accurately he looked like Lan Xichen, given that he had more of a range of facial expressions than the usually frozen-faced Lan Wangji. He looked like a person, not a myth, not a ghost story or a warning tale.

He was a real person who had a life and a future and freedom.

Qingheng-jun, acting as the sect heir and sect leader presumptive of the Lan sect, had handled their arrival with grace, adapting to the situation and immediately understanding the importance of what they were doing, offering up his support and that of his sect. He acted precisely as Wei Wuxian would have expected the representative head of the Lan sect to behave.

Not like…

“What are you doing?” the young man cried out.

Wei Wuxian had been momentarily distracted from their target by the Lan Xichen lookalike staring at them from his place at the main table beside an older Lan sect man with a touch of grey in his hair and vacant sort of expression in his eyes, and in that moment of distraction someone had thrown themselves forward into their path.

If the man at the table, unmoving and staring, was Lan Xichen, then the one in front of them looked a bit like Lan Wangji, with a frozen expression and eyes averted, although in this man’s case they seemed almost deliberately aimed anywhere where he wouldn’t have to meet anyone’s gaze. He didn’t look quite as similar to either brother as the man at the front table, though his features clearly drew from the same general pattern – like any Lan closely related to the main clan, really – but the comparison was still unmistakable, as his movements were more similar to Lan Wangji’s than anyone Wei Wuxian had ever met.

The man in front of them was efficient almost to the extreme, every gesture neat and to the point, without unnecessary movement, his grace and habits and swordsmanship as familiar as breathing…

Even as the sword he had grabbed from a hapless nearby cultivator clashed with Lan Wangji’s own.

“We’re here to kill him,” Wei Wuxian said, nodding his head at Wen Ruohan, who was shakily trying to stand up once more – they’d attacked him on sight of course, without any hesitation. They’d known that he would put up those impossibly powerful shields that he’d used on the rare occasions he entered the battlefield during the Sunshot Campaign if they let him know their intentions. They’d known that they’d only have one shot at taking down Wen Ruohan, at preventing the tragedy of their future, and they’d taken it. They’d even scored some good hits, injuring him quite badly.

If only this Lan sect idiot hadn’t intervened, he’d be dead already.

“I would’ve thought that’d be obvious,” he added, refraining from rolling his eyes only because he wanted to keep his gaze fixed on their target.

“He is our guest,” the Lan sect disciple said. His voice was stiff and toneless, as if he were reciting rather than speaking. His voice was bizarrely flat and almost discordant to the ear, somewhat unnerving, and for a moment Wei Wuxian wondered if Wen Ruohan had used some sort of mind-control art on this fellow. Why else would a Lan be defending a tyrant? “The rules of hospitality require –”

“He is not your guest,” Lan Wangji interrupted. “This is free land, meant for night-hunting, not the Cloud Recesses. You owe him no duty, and it is necessary that he die. Step aside.”

“I will not,” the Lan sect idiot said. “You attacked without warning or explanation. I have no reason to trust you or your reasons.”

Wei Wuxian was keeping most of his attention on Wen Ruohan, terrified that they’d miss this chance, wholly unexpected but welcomed, heaven-sent – the chance to fix everything, the chance to make it better for everyone. For Jiang Cheng to never have to learn what it was like to lose his home, for Nie Mingjue to never have to know the humiliation of capture and submission to the hidden enemy who would later kill him, for all those massacred sects to stay alive, for himself to never have to end up in the Burial Mounds without even the protection of his golden core…

Wen Ruohan was standing once more, leaning heavily on a table. He’d been hurt, but despite their best efforts he was still standing. Even if he were bleeding from multiple places from all of their attacks, it didn’t matter, because he was still alive – and that meant he was still dangerous.

If they didn’t succeed now, they wouldn’t succeed at all.

They couldn’t let everything fail just because of the Lan sect’s inflexibility, their ridiculous rules…!

“Fine,” Wei Wuxian said, pushed beyond his usual good humor by fear. “If you won’t stand aside, then we’ll go around you!”

He lunged forward, aiming for Wen Ruohan, and the Lan sect idiot tried to stop him, only for Lan Wangji to step in close to block him. As always, he knew exactly what Wei Wuxian needed from him and responded at once, the two of them acting perfectly in time. With implicit understanding like they had, hard-forged after all those years of misunderstandings between them, no one could get in their way.

Well, no one acting reasonably, anyway.

The Lan sect idiot broke away from Lan Wangji and turned to throw his sword at Wei Wuxian’s back, leaving himself completely unprotected.  If Wei Wuxian had had his original body, he would have been able to block it without thinking, brushing it away like water off a duck’s back, but he was Mo Xuanyu instead, weak golden core and all – Lan Wangji immediately abandoned his offense to defend Wei Wuxian, leaping forward gracefully to knock the sword away, then turned and sent Bichen off after the Lan sect disciple, who tried to bat the sword away with his bare hands.

It was ridiculous. However beautiful the man’s sword work was, and it wasn’t half bad at all, this Lan sect disciple was clearly inexperienced with real fighting in the outside world; he was no match for Lan Wangji, who’d learned his lessons fighting in war and night-hunts alike. The only reason he wasn’t dead was because Lan Wangji was holding himself back, not wanting to kill someone from the Lan sect.

Well, whatever. That was his problem.

Wei Wuxian used the opportunity to strike at Wen Ruohan again, using his demonic cultivation to turn the resentful energy into an almost tangible force, a thousand arrows of darkness all aiming at the tyrant. The other man barely managed to get up a defense in time before being thrown back into the wall yet again, and even then some of the arrows tore their way through, ripping through flesh in a very satisfying manner.

He was just gathering up for another blow when the Lan sect disciple acted again, just as foolishly as before – his palms were bleeding, he was wholly unarmed, and Bichen’s sharp edge was only a chi behind him; he was in no state to do anything. But he did, despite it all: he threw himself between Wei Wuxian and Wen Ruohan, placing himself right in the way of danger, and in a voice that seemed too large for his slender frame, thundered, “I will not permit it!”

Wei Wuxian felt as though he had been struck by lightning.

He knew that voice.

He faltered, and the attack he’d been building died like ash on his tongue, the backlash from the incomplete casting sending the blow awry instead of hitting its proper target – it smashed into a table, shattering it into pieces that flew everywhere. Lan Wangji stepped in front of Wei Wuxian, blocking the shards from him, but he also cast forward Bichen to do the same for the young Lan sect disciple as well, defending him.

The disciple had been foolish yet again, turning his back on them both to use the chance to rush towards Wen Ruohan – he had been directly in the way of the exploded shards, right in the line of fire. Wei Wuxian glanced down at the ground, seeing how large and sharp the splinters of the table were, each one as long as his forearm, and he knew that if Lan Wangji hadn’t acted, that Lan sect disciple would be full of holes at this very moment.

That Lan sect disciple, whose movement so much resembled Lan Wangji’s, whose regular speaking voice was strange and unfamiliar but – but his yelling voice, on the other hand…

By the time the shock faded away, it was too late. Wen Ruohan was gone, half-carried by the Lan sect disciple and half stumbling away on his own, and everyone was still staring blankly at them. The Lan Xichen lookalike at the main table was the first one to react, standing up with a swirl of robes and a narrowing of his eyes in thoughtfulness that made him for a moment look nothing like Lan Xichen at all.

“Support them!” he called out, his voice grand and echoing. “Lan sect, Jin sect, Nie sect, the rest of you – join together now to support these heroes! There will never be another moment for such advantage!”

Really, Wei Wuxian should have figured out the problem at once back then.

Advantage – the word seemed almost inappropriate for someone from the Lan sect to be using.

Sure, even Lan Qiren at his most prickly and straightlaced had never shied away from acknowledging the political realities in which his sect lived, but he’d always thought first of righteousness and only second of everything else, and he’d taught his nephews to live the same way. No, more than his nephews, more even than his sect; through his teaching, he’d taught those values to a fair portion of the cultivation world. Even Wei Wuxian!

Wei Wuxian had always thought that that old stick-in-the-mud had just been trudging the expected path set out by his Lan sect’s values, that ancient conservative orthodoxy, but he was discovering that that seemed to be an illusion: now that they were in the past, in a bygone era that preceded Lan Qiren’s long tenure as acting sect leader of the Lan sect, it appeared that there were (or rather, had been) others in the Lan sect who were a little more flexible and easygoing than him.

Qingheng-jun, for one. That Lan Xichen lookalike had looked so similar for a reason, back when he’d looked nothing but shocked, back before the proud and standoffish cast of his face had removed that sense of familiarity – he was Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji’s father, of course, and therefore it was more accurate to say that they resembled him, rather than the other way around. It turned out that the mysterious happenstance that had indicated that it would take them back in time had in fact done so, only it had taken them back to a time they hadn’t expected – it had been their own foolishness and presumption, Wei Wuxian supposed, that had led them to assume that they’d be taken back to their youth, to a time period they knew, instead of…instead of…

Qingheng-jun had confirmed it later, but it hadn’t really been necessary.

“I will not permit it!” the young man had shouted, suddenly and unexpectedly grandiose, and in that moment Wei Wuxian had known, just as Lan Wangji, who’d immediately stopped attacking and turned his sword to defense, had known. That foolish Lan sect disciple, who was stiff and inflexible and put the sect rules ahead of all practicality, acting to defend the man who – although he had no reason to know it at the present time – would later burn down his sect…

It had been Lan Qiren, of course.

No wonder Lan Wangji had been so shaken, horrified by how he had taken up his sword against his beloved shufu. Even though doing so had been completely reasonable – Lan Qiren was practically unrecognizable! He was clean-shaven, or maybe simply too young for his beard to fully grow in, and he was gangly and awkward, not yet fully settled into his bones. Even his voice hadn’t yet settled into the full tenor of his adulthood. It had only been the sound of his disappointed shout that had made them suddenly see the resemblance.  

Completely reasonable, but Lan Wangji was still upset, Wei Wuxian could tell, deeply upset, and his distress had only deepened the more time they spent with the Lan sect, which had taken them in and helped them try to hunt down the fleeing Wen Ruohan.

Wei Wuxian couldn’t blame him.

Qingheng-jun had needed almost no convincing to agree that Wen Ruohan was a menace to society, now and in the future, and if Wei Wuxian had the sinking feeling that he was agreeing more because of his own aims than for the greater good, then at least he was agreeing. His agreement had been all that was required, even though it turned out that the slightly vacant-looking older man beside him was his father, the current Sect Leader Lan; apparently the older man had all but officially retired, with plans to do so in the next year, and Qingheng-jun made all the decisions. The other sects had been swept along by him, most of the Great Sects represented by second-in-commands rather than the sect leaders and the smaller sect leaders as easily swayed by the thought of dividing up the riches of the great and powerful Wen sect as they had been towards the end of the Sunshot Campaign.

Unfortunately, although they’d all taken part in the chase and the quarry was injured, that old fox Wen Ruohan still had some tricks up his sleeve – he’d somehow managed to summon the wind and rain, literally, and the wild storm that had descended upon them had made any further tracking impossible.

It was as if both Wen Ruohan and Lan Qiren had disappeared into thin air.

“We will catch them once the storm has lifted,” Qingheng-jun assured them. “The disadvantage of this type of array is that it continuously drains the spiritual energy of the caster. Wen Ruohan will be exhausted, and remain so, even as he bleeds out. The storm will calm once he passes out or the sun rises, whichever comes first, and once there isn’t so much interference, we will be able to track him down through Qiren, assuming Wen Ruohan lets him live that long.”

Lan Wangji had startled at that, recoiling. Qingheng-jun had misunderstood.

“My brother has always been foolish and unable to understand people,” he’d said. “He lacks the instincts of a warrior. Once he showed some small talent for music, he was relegated almost entirely to learning support arts, and to my regret the lack of martial experience seems to have only damaged his judgment still further. To think he would defy his own sect in the name of righteousness for Wen Ruohan, of all people…! It’s a poor choice on his part. That’s one who does not respect righteousness, remembering only grudges and never kindness.”

“You think he’ll kill – your brother?” Wei Wuxian asked, only just barely avoiding calling Lan Qiren ‘Teacher Lan’.

Qingheng-jun shrugged. “Wen Ruohan is both practical and ruthless. I have no doubt that he will discard Qiren once he’s gotten all the use he can out of him. Undoubtedly he realizes that we will be able to track his location through Qiren’s presence, and he will not want to take that risk. But you needn’t worry – Wen Ruohan is too clever to simply kill him outright. He’ll probably just break his legs and leave him in some pit somewhere to lead us on the wrong track…but of course even having their general direction will be useful in finding him. We have already reached out to the sects that specialize in tracking and hunting; they will be here soon, and will be able to aid us. We will not let Wen Ruohan escape.”

Wei Wuxian shifted from one side to the other, uncomfortable, and feeling all of Lan Wangji’s obvious (to him) discomfort as well.

“Ah,” he said. “Good. But – about your brother – I mean, it’s because of us that he’s out there. It’s our fault…”

“His foolishness is his own,” Qingheng-jun said, and his eyes had been calm, still as an unmoving pond even when he talked about Lan Qiren being maimed or possibly killed. “He made his own choices, interfering on his own without our support or authorization. The Lan sect will not hold his fate against you, whatever it may be.”

Wei Wuxian had been rendered speechless.

“You should rest,” Qingheng-jun added. “There is little enough for you to do until dawn, when the storm will settle. I will take the rest forward from here. Our allies are on their way – not just the smaller sects or the tracking specialists, but others as well. Sect Leader Jin is coming in person, and Sect Leader Jiang has indicated that we have his support, although personal matters keep him from coming…”

Wei Wuxian knew about the former, having heard some guards talking about Jin Guangshan having already reached the far end of the forest with his retinue, and he wasn’t sure what to make of the latter.

“Jiang Fengmian?” he asked, suppressing the wince that threatened to come onto his face from saying his uncle’s name outright like that, but Qingheng-jun only shook his head.

“Jiang-gongzi is still assisting his father, I believe, but they’ve sent us a number of very strong cultivators in the meantime. I have no doubt that the valiant Jiang-gongzi will be catching up with us soon enough to capture a share of the glory.”

A share of the spoils, more like, since that seemed to be what was driving everyone. Had Jiang Fengmian once been like this, too, and only Wei Wuxian had been too young to notice? Surely not…

“We will need to take care to properly manage Lao Nie,” Qingheng-jun added, missing or perhaps deliberately ignoring Wei Wuxian’s reaction. “He has some sort of personal connection with Wen Ruohan. Still, he’s a rational man, and he prizes his sect above everything else – if matters are made clear to him, I have no doubt he will set aside his scruples to join us.”

Wei Wuxian had nodded jerkily, unsure of what to say. Lao Nie…that must be the Sect Leader Nie that preceded Nie Mingjue, the one who Wen Ruohan had eventually killed by shattering his saber. Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have expected that he would have some sort of ‘personal connection’ to Wen Ruohan that would make Qingheng-jun think that he’d be reluctant to take arms against him.

It was their bad luck that he was the one managing the Nie sect, rather than Nie Mingjue – though of course it made sense, since to judge by how young Lan Qiren was, Nie Mingjue probably hadn’t even been born yet, or maybe only just. Wei Wuxian hadn’t dared to ask what the exact year was, not wanting to distract people from their momentum against Wen Ruohan with explanations about how they’d travelled in time.

In the end he’d muttered something, committing to nothing, and finally Qingheng-jun had taken his leave, leaving them there alone with the door firmly shut.

Very firmly shut, in fact – Wei Wuxian was pretty sure they were locked in.

“Lan Zhan?” he said again, and Lan Wangji, who’d been staring at the wall blankly, turned to look at him. “Lan Zhan, do you really think we’ve made it worse..? I mean, after all, it’s Wen Ruohan. He was such a terrible tyrant, causing all that misery and death…I mean, how could attacking him when we had the chance not have been the right move?”

After a long few moments, Lan Wangji shook his head.

“Shufu defended him,” he said hollowly. “Even without the support of the sect, just because he felt it was right.”

He didn’t need to say more to make his point clear – that this was not unlike what Lan Wangji had done, what he’d felt that obligated to do on Wei Wuxian’s behalf, only now they’d forced Lan Qiren to do it instead. And moreover, unlike Qingheng-jun, who seemed to have a very poor opinion of Lan Qiren, they knew that Lan Qiren was very far from being foolish. Stiff and conservative, yes, but not a fool. If he’d stood up to defend Wen Ruohan, then maybe he saw something that they didn’t.

Maybe Wen Ruohan hadn’t yet gone as far as being the tyrant they all knew.

Maybe…

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said helplessly. “What do we do about it?”

“I don’t know,” Lan Wangji said, sounding just as helpless. “I don’t know.”

(At that moment, Wei Wuxian suddenly thought of Nie Huaisang.)

[chocoenvy]

SAGAU!Vampire reader x various

uhhhh.. y-yeah... while i was sick i had two fic ideas, this being one of them. I could barely write them bc i had a massive headache. So fuck you inspiration, coming at the worst time >:(

Warnings: Completely SFW, slightly comical, all of the characters mentioned act like simps

You had given them everything, weapons and artifacts they could only dream of. Shown them things they never would've gotten the chance to otherwise. Taken their monotonous lives and turned them on their heads, traveling every corner of the world with them and holding their hand along the way so loving and tight.

You were so real in their world of fake skies, staring fondly at them from beyond the stars and abyss.

So, naturally, the moment your gaze became concrete and close, they'd treat it as a divine gift. They'd treat you like a divine gift.

You were a nervous wreck entering this world, much unlike the statues they'd carved in your image, all of which were poised and graceful. Then again, nothing about the statues they'd made reflected how you actually appeared nor acted.

The mostly glaringly obvious issue was... well...

"Please suck my blood, your grace!" Venti was already all over you, his arms wrapped around yours and his head tilted to the side to fully expose his neck, "You can take as much as you want."

With a completely serious expression, Ei grasped the bard's shoulder with unrelenting strength, "Your grace," She didn't even spare him a glance, her striking purple gaze completely settled onto you, "Ignore him. Please, take my blood instead. I won't feel a thing due to my new body."

Zhongli was very obviously gritting his teeth at the other two archons, he grabbed both of them by the collar of their shirts and tugged them away from you, "Both of you need to calm down. This is very unflattering behavior to be displaying in front of their grace."

The glares the two gave him looked as though they were ready to start another archon war.

"It's-it's fine... I just..." You fumbled with your words, admittedly flustered at how willingly they were to give up their blood to you. "Do-" You coughed into your hand to get rid of some of your embarrassment, "Do you... even have blood, Ei?"

She blinked and a soft dust of blush appeared on her face, "Ah... Well, I suppose there's only one way to find out." She nodded self-assuringly.

"A-ah," You chuckled, your face red, "Do- do any of you understand how... uhm... intimate drinking directly from someone's neck is..?"

They all blinked at you owlishly, even their attendants (representatives from each nation, all of which you recognized as characters you knew) stared at you.

A startled laugh escaped your throat, "Oh you-you don't..." Your eyes flickered between the archons and their attendants, all of which were looking at you expectantly. It was odd that you felt like the prey in this situation, "Well, uhm... sucking blood directly from someone - especially their neck - is often seen as a... romantic gesture..."

"So..." Lady Ningguang put her clawed hand up to her mouth in thought, her red eyes peering at you, "Whoever you decide to be your blood bag, is essentially your consort?"

At that Venti's eyes lit up and Zhongli had to physically restrain him from jumping to hug you again. Ei, on the other hand, slightly deflated. If you were right about her not having any blood would she become the least favored? It's a thought that shook her to her core after all these years of being loved by you, your gentle hands taking care of her, would you finally drop her?

"I-I," You stuttered, all the attention on you activating your innate fight or flight. Usually, in these types of situations, you were being hunted. This... was definitely not something you'd ever predicted to happen, "I wouldn't go there yet." You nervously chuckled, "Usually I just drink animal blood and such and even then I drain it out into a container before drinking it. It's been... hm, it's been years since I've had human blood. Maybe since I was a child just cause I was growing a bunch during that time."

You glanced around and noticed their sympathetic gazes, Jean had opened her mouth and you knew what she was about to offer so you beat her to it, waving your hands dismissively, "All that is to say, I don't need human blood. Much less drinking straight from the source."

"But..." Venti pouted, "You deserve some luxuries don't you, your grace?"

You huffed, "Luxuries, Venti, that's what human blood is. Not a regular meal." A dark look overcast your eyes, "I don't want to hurt any of you."

Their hearts clenched as the corners of your mouth tugged down.

"Apologies then, your grace," Jean bowed her head to you, "Just know that if you ever require anything be human blood, animal blood, or anything at all, we'll get it for you." Her smile was warm and comforting, like a vanilla coffee.

A dark part of you salivated at the thought of her blood, whispering in your ear that if you thought she was like vanilla coffee then why don't you take the opportunity presented to you and prove it.

You pushed the thought aside, forcing a smile on your lips, "Thank you, Jean. I appreciate it." Your fangs flashed through your smile, a natural predatory gleam in your eyes as the thoughts of them so willingly offering themselves to you never left the recesses of your mind.

Your fangs unconsciously elongated. It was obvious that you were hungry from the look in your eyes and now protruding fangs.

"Would you like to eat something?" Zhongli offered with a small smile - though there was a glint in his eyes showing what he'd like to really offer - "Anything you want, we'll get it for you."

You smiled, "Just animal blood is fine-"

As soon as those words left your lips an arrow whizzed in the air and landed on an unsuspecting nearby animal. Venti held a proud grin on his face, prancing over to the animal, his bow disappearing just as fast as it had appeared.

You blinked owlishly as he presented to you, "Here you go, your grace!" He grinned widely, "Completely fresh!" A giggle escaped his throat and - considering the circumstances - it felt a little intimidating.

"Ah- I-" You gingerly took the animal from his hands, "Thank you."

Perhaps it was from the fact you had just been torn away from everything and everyone you'd ever known and called home. Or the fact that you were under quite some stress and you weren't sure when the last time you ate was.

Either way you quite embarrassingly sunk your teeth deep into the small animal. Greedily sucking all of the blood out of it. Under normal circumstances you'd be a lot neater about it, more careful and definitely not eating like this with an audience. But you were under high stress and running low on food so you, quite animalistically, sucked the animal dry.

Once you had gotten your fill, your brain was a lot calmer and clearer. You pulled away, licking any excess from your lips, "Ah, sorry about that. I'm not usually this messy."

You diverted your eyes away from them as you cleaned the blood from off your face and hands. Though, they didn't have the same decency to look away as you did. In fact they were all staring quite unabashedly at you licking away the blood. Jean and Venti were even blushing quite obviously at the scene.

Zhongli sent a dirty glare at the two - Venti mostly - to tell them to calm down and not make you uncomfortable. Jean cleared her throat and forced her blush down, but Venti merely rolled his eyes at Zhongli and continued to enjoy the scene in front of him.

"You're so unprofessional, Venti." Zhongli frowned down at the archon, "Your grace, if you wish, we could provide you a feast back in Liyue."

"Or Mondstadt!" Venti cut in.

"Or Inazuma." Ei frowned at the other two, a dark look in her eyes.

There was tension between those from the three nations as they all glared at you, "So?" Zhongli tore his eyes away from the other two archons, "Which will you choose?"

[monkey-network]

The Odyssey of Spongebob Squarepants

A lot can happen as you grow up. Your tastes will change, you will have more responsibilities, and unless you can literally live under a rock, you can’t turn things back for yourself. So... after over 20 years, when the time keeps going in spite of yourself, does your past evolve and how should you feel about it? Spongebob Squarepants is a show so many have noted as the greatest of all time, but has grown to not be wholly beloved as its later years have not been as well received as it’s golden era. But I’m one to think: how has Spongebob evolved over time? What of this show makes it the greatest in my eyes despite thinking more about those vaunted first three seasons with its movie? Well, let’s roll back...

Back to the Past, To Remember Episodes that Sucked Ass

Despite what some may say, I don’t believe season 4 and 5 was where Spongebob started losing its mojo. There were definitely stinkers like Good Neighbors and Driven to Tears but the good ones definitely outweighed the bad. Not like the quality Golden Era didn’t have its duds, I really don’t like I’m With Stupid, Party Pooper Pants, and Spongeguard on Duty. Season 6 is where I say things surely falter, where for a good amount of time more episodes became unpleasant in retrospect. I noticed it’s more season 6 through 8 that people really take issue with. The Splinter, Boating Buddies, Pet Sitter Pat, the many we call the worst are some good time after the first movie. The first movie came out in 2004, season 6 was spring 2008 so it’s fair to say we had a grace period.

But it begs the bucking question: why did Spongebob stop being good? Numerous people have tried wrapping their heads around the decline citing reasons from flanderization, creative fallout and changes. Emplemon believed in his Spongebob video that the spirit of what connected the show to adults was severed due to merely become a cartoon for children, especially when Spongebob and Squidward’s dichotomy as adults was broken in later seasons. But you know what? I think I truly have the answer. It’s not so much production wise, but it certainly explains the many differing bad episodes that many have covered. It explains why I don’t like Sponge on the Run but we’ll get to that later. But a truth I’ve noticed, remembering and looking at Spongebob in its seperated eras is one I haven’t seen anybody talk about when it comes to why it could be considered bad:

The Plot Drives the Characters Too Much

The greatest episodes of Spongebob, I’m talking Band Geeks, Pizza Delivery, Ripped Pants, Chocolate w/ Nuts, Karate Choppers, etc., don’t have the premise take over the characters. Meanwhile the worst episodes always have the plot push the characters in noticeably different directions because it demands it. Spongebob is strictly a character based cartoon, and when you have episodes that, while can appear fitting on paper, force the cast to be somebody they’re not, people aren’t gonna be on board. Take the episode A Pal for Gary where Spongebob gets Gary a new pet that dangerously hates other pets only for him to be completely ignorant of Gary’s pleas and blames him in the end for banishing the monstrous Puffy Fluffy away. Reasonably, Spongebob is very much the asshole but unfortunately has to or else the plot would need to be seriously reworked. We can chock it up to poor direction but this is indeed a common occurrence for when Spongebob gets bad, not just in post first movie era. I’m With Stupid is a great classic era example where yeah, Patrick becomes an ignorant jerk but on paper, it works with the plot of him trying to please his parents. It does the job at the visible cost of the characters. We generally say the characters are bad but I’ve hardly seen people say the plots are bad like Family Guy where, despite also being character focused, the plots they have can go off the rails in favor of trying to get laughs and the sake of a status quo. The highlight of this problem lies with the coined ‘Squidward Torture Porn’

Squidward Tentacles can be a jerk. A real cynic, a character that’ll gladly try to bring down Spongebob’s childlike wonder in favor of giving him a dose of reality. The most memorable episodes of him are where him and Spongebob are in the same situation but have their clash of outlooks, with Squidward ultimately understanding Spongebob’s POV enough to have a moment of genuine happiness or a modest bit of karma. He’s indeed the most important character because adults grow to see where he’s coming from but at the same time wants to be on Spongebob’s side. The best provide Squidward the chance to understand differently and potentially enjoy a new perspective. The worst punishes him for simply wanting to live.

The plots of the worst Squidward episodes have Spongebob and/or Patrick actively antagonize Squidward because on paper, it makes sense to make someone like Squidward the punching bag like Elmer Fudd to Bugs Bunny or an egotistical asshole to the Warner Siblings from Animaniacs. But in the effort to do so, they never give Squidward the chance to fight back. It’s like they took the whole “No One Wants to be a Squidward” line and utilized that to make him the go to for misery based comedy without giving him any upside. Cephalopod Lodge, Good Neighbors, Choir Boys are stories designed around Spongebob ruining Squid’s life because... what? He doesn’t want Spongebob to be around every time of day? As a child, it can be some fun just seeing Squid get punished but for an adult, it can definitely be a turn-off. Some people see themselves in Squidward, for better or worse, so what’s it to them when Squidward is basically forced to suffer for no reason other than the plot demands it? Later stories give Squidward far more of a break, even some successes, but the idea of making him the butt of life’s joke is still leftover from the episodes that called for him to casually suffer.

The worst plots of the show can be the safest, the simplest, and pretty predictable because unlike the best where the characters are just allowed to make things happen, the story has to contain the characters in a way that’s fitting to who they can be but notably sacrifices who they were before. Why they got made is very up in the air, I’d have to listen to a ton of commentary to potentially pick that apart and I don’t have that much time. 

But it doesn’t the change the fact that the plots were never what made Spongebob good. And it doesn’t mean all those bad episodes make for bad seasons either. We could say there was a decline but that would mean giving up on the show merely because it lost it’s footing with more bad episodes than good for a few seasons. Because I believe 4 to 5 years after season 6, things got back on track even if things weren’t exactly the same.

Return to Form, Change in Energy

I don’t believe that Stephen Hillenburg’s departure was what proposed the decline, I’d say the show never really declined, just had some real potholes within three particular seasons. But I say it’s clear that the direction of the show shifted because you gotta understand, with or without Stephen the show has to be unique, has to have fresh ideas in the midst of potential competition despite being the most popular of the network. Even the trusted of Hillenburg’s team might’ve figured Spongebob couldn’t make lightning strike so rough patches might be expected. This is where Spongebob’s 2nd film, Sponge Out Of Water comes in.

I wasn’t as into this film with my first watch. I know it wouldn’t compare to the first film, but things felt segmented to where it hardly felt like a structured movie. Going back to it again, it kinda showed how Spongebob was going to evolve as a series. A lot of Sponge Out of Water lies in the characters getting into a more chaotic adventure than before. Spongey’s dream sequence, the whole Mad Max apocalypse, inter-dimensional dolphins, really told that the show post 2nd film would follow in its footsteps both in the stories and in animation.

It’s to say the golden era of Spongebob was more... grounded with itself. The charm of the characters was what made the plots unpredictable in nature but mostly not to a visible extent. Idiot Box, one of the greatest episodes, literally have moments where we see nothing but a box but the episode’s carried by the performances. Modern Spongebob, post 2nd movie, started to run all over the place. That’s not a bad thing but clearly a change of pace. I think it’s befitting to say the modern era got more cartoon-y where it’s way more expressive and the plots themselves go in unpredictable places in a way that all feels refreshing. It’s not the same as before, but well enough in it’s own time. It’s like Teen Titans ‘03 vs Teen Titans GO! The two have their clearly different tones but they’re appealing in their own way, only Spongebob isn’t trying to poke fun at its older audience like a snarky ass motherfu-

That is the thing as well that I haven’t seen many people consider when it comes to the modern era: it always tries to be fun. I can say an episode’s bad, but there are times where a bad Spongebob episode was enjoyable at least. It isn’t like modern Simpsons where you could tell they’ve been running out of steam and you’d just wish it died. It feels like the staff were given some time and space to make Spongebob back into as intended, even when most moments aren’t as strong or memorable as before. It can appear as just another cartoon for children but it never felt like it wasn’t Spongebob anymore, especially after the 2nd film and with Stephen Hillenburg’s consulting return. Unfortunately, only after a few more years is where say Spongebob’s going in a direction that I’m admittedly not fond off. It isn’t on par with The Simpsons, but it’s not as comfortable a fate.

A Spongebob Cinematic Universe

I enjoyed Sponge on the Run, but I don’t like it what it stands for. Many say it’s a poor backdoor for the spin-off Kamp Koral and I can’t help but agree. I’m not speaking for Stephen’s behalf nor will I shame everyone who comes to love this mini-series when it comes out, but I can definitely see where he was coming from with his abstain of spin-offs. Spongebob is a show that works, always worked, on its own. It has many characters that, to this day, they’re bouncing with to create new adventures and jokes. Now, I’m actually okay with giving some spin-offs revolving around the other characters; a show for Squidward would be hype as all hell. 

But Kamp Koral, by extension Sponge on the Run, feels less like a creator’s passion and more like a marketed decision. The fact that they scrapped a potential alien cat invasion movie all for a visually pleasing yet heavily derivative story tells quite a bit. It’s a movie that, compared to the previous, is just hitting certain beats; the plot again driving the characters instead of the other way around which leads to really off-putting moments. There’s fun to be had, but it feels superficial. And while I don’t think this’ll affect the next generation of Spongebob, the most recent episodes are good, but I have a bad feeling that it’ll be morphed into something Stephen genuinely didn’t want for the series and they do it because regardless of what the fans don’t want, they truly own the show now.

I was okay with Spongebob having its merchandise and a Broadway musical because the show helped make them work. After seeing SCOOB! and countless talks of making cinematic universes thanks not only to the MCU but stuff like Spider-Verse and Lego Movie though, it’s starting to feel more like an corporate sanctioned omen that I fear too much becoming a reality. But really, it begs one more question...

What Do I See in Spongebob?

I’ve said this when talking about the 1st Spongebob movie: “[It] works so well was because, speaking for adults, it is about embracing the you that you love as opposed to trying to be someone you aren't. You can grow up for taking that journey, but you don't have to be grown up all the time.” Even with its not so great history, Spongebob personally never comes off as a show that’s lost its identity. If there’s anything learned from the likes of Steven Universe and Family Guy, yeah, it’s that bad episodes or changes in tone doesn’t make for a buried series. Vast majority will definitely notice the difference between classic and modern Spongebob, but I don��t believe they’ll say it isn’t Spongebob anymore. I keep bringing it up, but it doesn’t feel like the Simpsons where you notice the burnout, the age of its existence in the late late seasons. Not that Viacom/Nickelodeon won’t hesitate the same fate because they can be fucking scum, but otherwise the show has run out of steam yet. 

What mostly concerns me though is that the charm of the show falls by the wayside with trying to expand it outside the show. Bog down the love by making unnecessary spin-offs that try to do what fanworks like the Spongebob Anime do for the hell of it in order to retain that all age appeal. They’ll feel like memes that age horrifically the moment it’s trending on Twitter. Again I don’t wanna speak over Stephen Hillenburg’s behalf but it feels like Nickelodeon gets potentially too ambitious with something that should be simple enough at the same time. We got some good hype back thanks to the Battle for Bikini Bottom Rehydrated, but that only could boost our spirits so far this year.

To me, Spongebob was certainly a game changer and now, while still popular, it is very much among the crowd. It’s not a show we’re worrying about compared to stuff like Infinity Train, Glitch Techs, the Animaniacs reboot, Primal, shows that are continually changing the metagame in what people want for a cartoon. We might notice stand out moments and we’ll continue making memes, but it’s fair to say we aren’t as invested in Spongebob socially as back then when, as I remember, new episodes or specials felt like an event and it was considered the best out here in our friend circles. Now when we say it’s the best, it’s asterisked. Many love Spongebob Squarepants, but notably aren’t too keen with all of it nowadays.

But to truly conclude, I say for everyone who reads all of this, 1st thank you, and secondly to give modern Spongebob a chance. I can’t recommend Sponge On the Run but these later seasons (nine to recently) actually feel like the show cleaned up itself after many touted that bad episode era was what made Spongebob fall. I don’t believe the show’s fallen because I shouldn’t have expected this show to be flawless. Not every episode’s a hit, but there is not only still good variety but episodes that feel right at home. Mimic Madness, Boo-kini Bottom, Squid Noir, Moving Bubble Bass, One Trick Sponge, and any episode with Plankton are actual joys to see and rewatch if I’m in the mood. The episode premieres are all over the place nowadays but it feels like the crew are given their time at least. And I think this is the path is where I’m content with about Spongebob: it just gets to be a cartoon.

I see so many people try to prop up shows as more than meets the eye. I mention Infinity Train and Steven Universe as the new game changers but I hardly see people just recommend shows that are simple, clean, knows what they are without trying to be anything more premise wise. We just get some quality entertainment with characters we’ve come to know, just for the sake of it. We get a cartoon in its bare essence. Spongebob gets to do its thing like it always has these past 20 years and I’m grateful for that. I’ve seen a variety of shows, but Spongebob always felt like a show worth sticking with even when I feel I’ve “outgrown” it. Not because I want to regress in growth, but as an adult I see now why Spongebob worked so well as it did and why it’s worth sticking with. Even after everything, the show’s made it it’s sole passage to provide us the core reason why we love Spongebob: the show always wanted to love itself for what it was as Spongebob Squarepants always loved to be himself.

And there will never ever be another show like it.

[therewrites]

We Are Who We Are Overall Thoughts *spoilers*

This review will be discussing briefly some of the episodes so far, so SPOILERS

So I started watching the HBO original series, We Are Who We Are, and I am conflicted. When I initially watched it, the dialogue made it hard for me to enjoy it so I stopped. Then after a couple of weeks after its airing, I thought, what the hell? And this time, I was pleasantly surprised. I always maintain the belief that pilot episodes are either boring, messy, or just bad so I try to push past it in order to get to the good shit. The pilot for We Are Who We Are was...I’m not sure how to explain...different? It certainly wasn’t bad and it made an impression on me, but this show as a whole is hard to limit by just a few words. It’s really something that you should watch and experience yourself.

It was only after the first 3 episodes that I began to understand the tone and mood that Luca Guadagnino was trying to convey. A lot of the time, the dialogue is abrupt and choppy and can make no sense. It can be frustrating, especially when you have two characters that aren’t communicating effectively. But I think that was the point. Guadagnino is a very realistic director, he captures the most realistic elements in a film. A lot of the conversations between characters is meant to emulate real life. Like, what the hell do you say when a conversation becomes awkward? Well, nothing sometimes.

While Guadagnino’s typical cinematography may suggest whimsy, in WAWWA’s case the small structured and synthetic model of the military base is juxtaposed to the very concrete characters. When I started to view the show less as simply a televised airing of fictional characters and problems, and instead looked at them as people, I began to really enjoy it. 

Take the main character of Fraser, played by Jack Dylan Grazer. Fraser is meant to be seen as an extremely complex and troubled kid, but the difference between him and every other teen in a coming-of-age drama is that he isn’t polished. His drinking and drug habit isn’t framed as romantic or beautiful, in fact most of the time it’s portrayed as his weakness of sorts. In the first episode, Fraser has one of his mothers drive him home after getting pretty wasted and Luca graces us with a direct shot of him throwing up. And before that, Fraser is stumbling on a bridge when he drunkenly falls and cuts his face. Everything the character does is messy, uncoordinated, yet extremely real and relatable. Hell, in one shot you can clearly see him do a Naruto run!

Caitlin/Harper is a character that I enjoyed watching, as well. Jordan Seamon did a fantastic job and I really connected with their character. Initially we see Caitlin as this mysterious girl, and in the pilot we are meant to assume that their relationship with Fraser is supposed to develop into a romantic one. This is not the case as it seems that Caitlin is trying to come to terms with who they are. The biggest shift in Caitlin’s character isn’t their friendship with Fraser but probably when they get their period. 

This was a moment that even I related to, even though I am cis when I first got my period I didn’t tell my mom until the day after. The possible confusion and shift in their reality that Caitlin felt was only heightened with the conflict of their boyfriend wanting to be more physically intimate, and Fraser’s eventual discover of Harper. I would have like to see exactly why Fraser seemed drawn to Caitlin. I’m assuming viewers were supposed to think that Fraser is attracted to her, or something. But both Caitlin/Harper and Fraser are queer coded and their respective sexualities are alluded to not being straight. It would’ve made their standing as platonic friends more clear if this had been established stronger. 

I definitely think the writer could have devoted more time to giving certain characters proper conversations. It would’ve given more development to certain characters and better context for things. However even without that, there is a lot that the audience is showed that can’t be told through dialogue. The power struggle between Sarah and Richard being one. So far, there hasn’t been any explanation as to why they have a such a volatile relationship other than Richard being a homophobe. 

Through deeper inspection, I was able to interpret it as: Richard may heavily resent the fact the Sarah was promoted to Colonel and not him. It is never made clear who has the better credentials, Sarah or Richard, but assuming that she was the one promoted it is a safe guess. This may be highlighted by the fact that Sarah is a women, and also gay. Even before episode 7, it was clear that Richard did not respect her authority. I also interpreted it as Richard being upset that and openly gay women was promoted instead of him, a black man. 

Of course this is just based on my own personal knowledge of how the U.S. military can be towards people of color and LGBTQ+. Regardless, the competitive tension between two parents is palpable without needing dialogue to explain.  

When conflict happens, I can kind of figure out which characters are going to react and which one’s will stay silent. I think the show is trying to accomplish a drastically realistic and raw series. It took me while to adjust to it, but by maybe the 2nd or 3rd episode, it starts to grow on you. Despite not liking a good majority of the characters, I was very surprised by how invested I was in them. 

Like, Danny is my least favorite character because he displays very abusive and explosive tendencies, and doesn’t seem to care about the world around him. However, getting glimpses into his character and seeing how Richard ignores him for Caitlin/Harper, his suicidal thoughts, and how he is trying to reclaim his cultural and religious background makes me empathize with him. 

Even though I hate his character, I can see that he is struggling. I appreciate the way that this show freely shows dark skinned black boys dealing with mental health issues, and personal development. Rarely are issues like suicide talked about in the black community, so seeing Danny talk about it and Craig offering(admittedly poor)comfort was touching. This is a general vibe that I get from nearly all the characters on WAWWA. I also appreciated the how Danny is actively trying to convert to Islam. In shows, rarely is Islam ever portrayed in a positive manner. Especially when female characters are shown to be struggling with their religion, Islam is shown as this barrier that prevents them from living life. Hopefully it goes without saying that the “taking off the hijab” as a way to show that a female character is “liberated” is overplayed and does not offer any respect to the countless Muslim women who choose to wear hijabs. 

Now I think the pacing of some of the storylines could have been handled a bit more gracefully. Like how we jump from Fraser and Harper being kind of enemies(not really but you know what I mean), to just them hanging out in Richard’s boat was jarring. I would have at least liked to see the scene of them talking on the rocks at the beach. It would’ve given more insight on Caitlin/Harper’s character and also on Fraser too. Also how quickly Maggie and Lu(Jennifer but I love the name Lubaba, it’s my aunt’s name)jump into a physical affair. I just would have liked to see a build up of tension between all these characters but I don’t think this entirely ruins the plot. 

I was very iffy when I learned that the show would be focusing on trans identity and gender and sexuality, but not actually hire a trans male actor. I was afraid that the show would completely botch the experiences of being transgender, and honestly I don’t have the authority to speak on whether or not this affects the quality of the show. I am cisgender, and only can empathize with this particular situation as much as I can. But I would like to hear to the opinion of someone who is trans and elaborate on the ways that they did/didn’t like Jordan Kristine Seamón’s portrayal. 

Now at the time I’m writing this, the season finale has yet to come out. But I’d also like to briefly discuss the most recent episode and how it developed Jonathan and Fraser’s relationship. I was VERY worried that Guadagnino was going to take their relationship in the direction of inappropriate. While nearly all the depictions of Jonathan and his actions have been trough Fraser’s pov, it didn’t stop me from side-eyeing some of the interactions they shared. Of course after it was mentioned that Jonathan was supposed to be in his late 20s, nearing 30 I was immediately uncomfortable with the very flirty behavior he exhibited. 

So when the scene of Fraser going up to his apartment after Craig’s death, I was very on edge. If Guadagnino had gone the extra mile to show an even larger age gap then I would’ve been pissed. While I enjoyed Call Me By Your Name, the implication that sexual relationships between barely legal teenagers and adults well into their 20s was sensual is something that I see as very weird now that I’m older. So seeing Jonathan as the object of Fraser’s affections made me extremely warry. 

And honestly, I’m still surprised that the scene even happened in its entirety. I’m sure that Jack was not in any danger of being exploited but there were definitely points while watching I thought, what the fuck is going on? I was very worried that it would escalate, but I was happy to see that Fraser was the one who stopped it from going further.  It made sense to me that this scene took so many liberties to be as graphic as possible without being too graphic, in order to show why a situation like that would be scary and confusing for Fraser. It wasn’t lost to me that Marta and Jonathan were the one’s initiating all the sexual advances. They held all the power in that scenario, even more so because Fraser is younger and has the tendencies to not make the best decisions. Though it seemed that Fraser was trying, he knew that the situation was fucked up.

I’d like to hear what JDG felt and thought doing this scene. What was his character’s thought process?

I’ve seen a lot of people compare the show heavily to CMBYN, which is fine. Besides certain cinematic parallels that people pointed out, I don’t see the clear comparison. CMBYN is more of a love story and it’s more polished than WAWWA. Now when I say tat, I don’t mean it as a negative. Rather, We Are Who We is obviously more devoted to realism and its characters. I appreciate the inclusion of more LGBTQ+ people and black main characters with development, something that CMBYN lacked. And for some people who didn’t like the show based solely on the fact that it wasn’t a CMBYN tv show, I suggest just going into it with no expectations and enjoy the mess. 

And I’d also like to take a moment to commend Jack Dylan Grazer for his job in We Are Who We Are. All of the main cast are amazing actors and actresses and did a really good job bringing their characters to life. Though, I had always associated JDG with supporting roles that, while highlighted his acting talent, only put him in a one-dimensional light. As good as It 2017 was, JDG’s role of Eddie is only meant to be seen as a comic relief. In WAWWA, I was able to forget that he was teen actor, Jack Dylan Grazer, and really see him as Fraser. It’s worth mentioning that in a GQ interview, Grazer also mentioned how this role made him reevaluate is approach to acting. 

And after reading an interview he did with a Interview Germany, with him saying he spent months in Italy reading the script and trying to perfectly craft this character, I was immensely impressed. I hope that he knows that all his hard work payed off and made a really dynamic and interesting character. I really hope that in the future JDG continues with more mature or multi-dimensional roles because he displayed that he has the talent to do so. Him being so young makes me optimistic in knowing that he is definitely going places in his career. I also hope that there will be a season 2 of WAWWA because despite having hour long episodes, the show still felt way too short. There is a lot about Fraser’s character, and all the others’ characters, that I want more information and analysis on.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

BFCD Reviews by Nesha: Grace Monroe & The Infinity Train on HBO Max

Disclaimer: Post includes spoilers and also, this viewer does not deem Infinity Train as a children's show and my views are not subjected to the idea that this is a children's show, but I do regard the characters as children.  

I’m not a psychiatrist. I haven’t taken a psychology class in many years. My work with children has been primarily trauma centered children, and I haven’t worked with typical children for a decade, so most of my opinions are from my personal life experience, my work experience, my children’s rights advocacy and activism, and the guidelines from my childcare specialist work for children in the system in the state of Texas. I don’t have a lot of information these days on typical children and I don’t know the culture of children all over the country or world, but I basically know a little something about traumatized children.

And as always, be nice, because I can be mean too (and will). 😉

Special thanks to @i-am-a-passenger for listening to me and being a SOUND sounding board for my thoughts through this experience that was season 3 of Infinity Train.

To be honest, I thought that it was extremely brave of the creators to go the route that they did with the story line. Not everybody can be saved is a take that we don’t see nearly enough, and whenever we do, usually a POC, oftentimes a Black girl is on the losing end of the tale. That didn’t happen here and despite some problems with some of the way that things played out in front of us, it was STILL a monumental moment for many fans and Grace’s redemption arc was valid and reasonable, so I loved it and I live for it. Now, I’m gonna give my review of the season and what I noticed about the characters...

First off, I think that the writing of this season was phenomenal. The style of the way the story was told impressed me from start to finish. There were moments that I didn’t expect, but I understood from a writing standpoint and for the characters presented. I’m not a professional writer, but it’s been a passion since I was 7 years old, so I have some experience with passion for writing and stories and a great narrative is my WEAKNESS, and I do believe that Infinity Train provides great narratives. 

This season has been my favorite thus far. I would have appreciated it for the story content, even if they had switched the characters’ arcs or went in a different direction with the redemption arc, but the fact that I was able to see an example of a Black girl being able to BE HUMAN, at my age - 38 - is still such new content that I was honestly overwhelmed by the simple fact that the creators decided that this Black girl was worthy of not only redemption, but the attention to detail and consideration was enough for me to love this season.   

The girl in question: 18 year old Grace Monroe, whose been on this train for something like 7 years.

It’s rare to see a dark skinned, brown skinned, Black girl with natural hair be shown in anything but stereotypes and/or plot devices for other characters. This character has a story of her own. A beautifully written and fully realized story of a child who got confused, made bad decisions, did terrible things, learned the truth, and sought to change.

Whenever we first meet Grace and Simon, she’s announced as the leader of the Apex, and Simon is announced as her second in command and given the credentials from her, “I trust him with my life.” Something that is later a bittersweet thought as he becomes the biggest threat of her life since she got onto this train. They’re clearly very close and only seem to disagree on how they respond to negativity.

One of my favorite things about Grace was that she was given layers. One of my LEAST favorite things about Grace was that she was given unfair head canons by the fandom extremely early on (all of which nobody ever proved but remained diligently devoted to believing). 

In this season, when the two are taken out of their comfort zone and traveling with outsiders, Grace and Simon are faced with lives that they haven’t thought about previously and wind up choosing very separate paths. Honestly, these paths they went on made perfect sense to me. I see both of them as traumatized children without any guidance and while one of them is very careless and reckless (Grace), the other is deliberate about what he does and has goals and plans. 

The biggest influence, I think, was their interactions with denizens prior to forming the Apex. Grace admittedly never got to know any while Simon was betrayed by one whenever she left him behind to potentially die. Simon carried this rage inside of him while Grace had nothing but apathy to guide her attitude of the denizens. Grace needed attention and she was able to get that from Simon and the Apex, so she made a life built on what that gave her.

While Grace tends to seem to try to sweeten the issue or charm people. Simon is more short with others and a bit rude. They handle things much differently, though they have created a lifestyle together and formatted a society of children that they lead.

All too frequently, if a character looks like Grace, she is there as fodder for whoever her (usually white) counterparts are. But Grace has a unique situation in which she shares center stage with her white male counterpart and we watch them develop together from two peas in a pod to mortal enemies. It is a sad separation, but one that felt necessary for the direction of the story. But here’s why Grace matters so much, despite the fact that she and Simon built a child army and killed we don’t even know how many denizens:

Grace changed for the better. When both of them met and got to know a denizen, she began to change. She didn’t understand it at first and took some time to admit to herself that she was even changing. She thought that something was wrong with her because her number was going down and that wasn’t supposed to be how it was. What she thought was that it made her look weak and she didn’t want Simon or the Apex to see her that way.

And saying that Grace changed for the better is sort of shaky, too. Because Grace wasn’t a bad person to begin with. She was a child who got on the wrong track. Going from being extremely alone to having one friend to having hundreds or however many Apex kids of followers changed her for the worse, but she was a good kid at her core. She was lonely in the real world and she acted out, then wound up on this train, had a life changing event by having to see “The Conductor” and translate what happened to her as someone saving her, and she went on to help save others, or so she thought, to some degree. 

Whenever she saved Simon, she had literally no reason to, other than she saw a kid in trouble and she knew she could help.She had just as little life skills and social skills as this kid in front of her, but... he was crying and she reached out to try to make him feel better, reminding him that even though life on the train was hard, he was alright now. Then, another life changing thing happened - Simon noticed that her number was higher and asked her how she got it so high. She knew just as much as him, and said that she was really good at life on the train, and the way she took that ghom out - she wasn’t completely wrong, but them being children and having only time and their limited views started a cult.

What I found interesting about this memory was the fact that Simon was telling Grace’s story for her. She tagged her charm onto it, but Simon (the writer of their laws and apparently a trilogy that not even Grace, who likes to read things wanted to read while they were besties) is telling the story to the kids. Probably embellishing, and Grace loves to be noticed, so she keeps this up until they’ve formatted an entire belief system. It was basically just I presumed whenever I questioned the reputation this fandom gave Grace as a manipulator who filled Simon’s head with hatred for denizens and Apex theology.It confirmed that people were wrong about her, which unfortunately didn’t make them change their minds, but they ain’t gotta. Grace lived and Simon died and that’s how this turns out sometimes.

I was able to at least acknowledge that his death was atrocious and it’s very unfortunate that he didn’t change for the better. He wanted control. He wanted power. He wanted to reign. Those things were more important to him than believing anything that went against his ideals. They were more important than Grace and his relationship with her. Meanwhile, Grace, up until even after he was gone cared about him. She defended herself whenever he attacked her, but she tried not to hurt him. She even tried to talk to him and he once again refused to listen. She saved his life AGAIN, and he still tried to kill her. Despite it all, when he was gone, she cried. Her friend was gone. Another life had been taken, and life meant something else to her now. 

Even paper birds mattered now, and thanks to that difference inside of her, she didn’t die. But, I expected her to. Not even because it would’ve made sense or helped the story in any way, but because that’s how it usually goes for characters like her, characters who LOOK like her. The fact that it didn’t brought tears to my eyes. This season was amazing. This ending was amazing. This character was amazing. I’m so pleased with it and it was more than I expected, because instead of setting expectations, I let them tell me the story. They did an excellent job.

I've been asking people since she first appeared in season 2 why they thought that Simon was some helpless and she was this dominating figure that bossed him into this lifestyle and mostly it came back to her higher number. i didn't think we were being shown that, so I've been suspicious every time someone has suggested that Grace got Simon started in this or taught him this and now that it's been debunked, I'm even more irritated with the suggestion that her redemption doesn't make sense or wasn't right. 

The thing about Simon was that he seemed fine. He seemed innocent, at times. He seemed like someone to sympathize with... What a lot of his fan base doesn't seem to realize is that is the case with every abuser. That is the case with many killers. Bad backgrounds and hard times coming up don't make for an excuse. Just because I GET his personality, doesn't mean he deserves respect or consideration. But then, we have Grace, on this other end who can't even get the recognition she earned through her decision making when she literally had the same childhood as him whenever they got there. Idk. Shit feels suspicious to me to not acknowledge Grace's redemption as well written. And the idea that Simon was doing these things for or because of Grace was proven as untrue, so there should have been a shift in her favor and there wasn't and my god that's some top shelf bullshit to me...

People frequently speak of Grace's manipulating Simon, possibly because they haven't had to try to use what you have to smooth someone over. The fact that Grace has been consoling Simon since they were children (THEY WERE CHILDREN), Because I see "Simon is a child" everyday, and always speak of his trauma, like Grace had none and like she's not the same age or near it. But, that's another thing that gets done to Black girls - they're aged up in people's prejudiced minds and expected to be more accountable than their peers. This GIRL has been repeatedly blamed for the issues of her friend.

And her "betrayal?" A lie she told to preserve life.

Simon proceeds to use her tape against her, leave her trapped inside of it (knowing it was dangerous, because the cat told him), sow lies about her in the Apex, pressure children that she knew to kill her, literally tried to beat her up and murder her, and kicks her as hard as he can after she saved his life AGAIN... He still gets more grace than Grace from the audience. I don't think people see Grace's humanity. People even assumed that her number was higher because she killed so many denizens... Like literally every wrong move doesn't affect numbers. And when faced with the story, which gives us a vulnerable Grace with flaws but also compassion, she's still been sidelined by fans of the show and nobody has given me any good reason as to why, so you already know, like we been knew. 😒

People have even tried to downgrade Simon's toxicity towards her because she led the Apex (and these people pretty much had similar things to say as people who didn't believe that my ex sexually abused me because of some examples of me being strong while arguing with him)...

THIS was triggering as fuck, but I've barely seen a PEEP about it. I'm going to presume that problematic takes of Grace are from a place of discrimination and dehumanization against another Black girl character like fandoms usually do.

But that just makes her matter more.

Good job, Grace. I knew there was good in you all along, and I didn't have to make up anything about you in my brain. ♥️♥️♥️

*Grace mourning a man that just tried to destroy her multiple times for telling a lie to keep him from killing a small child...

SPEAKING OF... The man double kicked her off that damn train in front of the kids AFTER they all saw her rescue him. Them kids might be messed up because of the Apex, but you can't tell me that Simon ain't further fuck them up with his reign. At least we know Grace was always nice to them. I'm glad they'll have each other to figure it all out.

[secretsofthedarkestkind-arch]

@storieswrittcn from here

My Dearest Heart, Chicago, truly there of all places Katerina? I have never, however, I do hear the stories and rumors of what this war is causing. Whether it be in passing of Father’s acquaintances or discussion among those in town. Chicago is near the front lines. You do love chasing the danger don’t you? Though with everything happening in the city, it would be a place easy enough to hide among others without someone questioning your presence. 

Feeding from the lower end of the food chain is not one I thought I would ever see you do. Even if it does keep you safe and the suspicion of who you are low, I am not completely agreeable to that. But as you have said, you must do what you have to. Do the drugs affect you after you have drank from them? I have only ever seen a few under the influence, only a small number made me laugh at the way their minds were altered. Soon enough you will have the blood of something cleaner, purer, and one that, if by your own reactions tell me, has become your favorite. 

A witch? To have you seeking her out she must be powerful. I hope she can show you what you seek to learn. It warms my soul knowing part of the reason you wish to continue your knowledge in the art of magic is to protect me. I cannot wait to see what you are able to do or the beauty of which you speak. Concepts of light and dark are ones I do not fully believe in. I understand them and begrudgingly admit are there but who has the right to deem what is light or dark? Both can cause harm can they not? Both can provide protection when needed just as well correct? So when then do we always have to label items or actions in categories of ‘good’ or ‘evil’. Actions as people move between the two. Though that is simply my opinion and I may admittedly be naive. 

Though I do not possess the abilities you do, I feel the same way about you. Harper, though a fallen soldier so possibly not the best teacher, has offered to give me a few lessons in self defense when we can slip away. I’ve learned to fire a rifle and small pistol as well. My aim continues to improve and I dare say it’s better than Damon’s. One day I will be able to protect you as you protect me. You may be Katherine Pierce, a survivor and fighter, but everyone needs someone at times to be there in a time of need. I will be that person.

Please, my heart, do not taunt your enemies. I know they are a necessary downfall of the life you are forced to live and they are to be expected. But that does not mean you need to make a situation worse. Tie up the ends you must, do what you need to do, but come back to me unharmed. 

Parties? Hm, I do not envy you in the least. You are correct, dresses and corsets make my skin itch---they made me feel suffocated and trapped. Being forced into them, keeping up appearances and appearing as society states I must...it kills a part inside of me each time, Katerina. I want to scream, break things, tear the dresses to shreds just to be free. But I cannot. I must continue to lie, to kill my soul, and hide a part of myself away just to avoid the wrath and closed mindedness of my family as well as society. My only freedom you, my aunt, and now those you have deemed worthy of our family. 

But for you? I would try. There might be a day when I can go as myself, dressed in a suit only made of the best linens that are appropriate to be seen beside your beauty. That is a dream I will hold on to. That we will find a time, within our eternity, where I can be myself with you on my arm attending events that please you.

My type of food or yours, my heart? I am smirking as I write that question. For with you, it might be both or just yours.

I will not try to pull you here sooner than you see fit. Even if I wish I could. Part of me believes if I set my mind to doing just that I could succeed. I know you have your reasons, that there are things that need to be done before you are here with me. As I have told you before, I will always wait for you and be patient with what you must do. As before, do what you must for I will be here when the time is right. I trust you, Katerina. Which means if you say this wait and your planned time here in Mystic Falls is needed or the only way...then it is. 

Pearl and Annabelle have become people I can see one day as the only family, outside of you, that I will ever need or wish for. I had thoughts that you had sent them here partly for my benefit as I mentioned in my last letter, but knowing those thoughts were correct? I continue to fall more and more in love with you. Constantly, you show me in actions how much you do love me and care for me, that I am wanted. To know my love, loyalty, and feelings are returned just as deeply means more than you will ever know. All I can hope is that I can do the same for you.

You tell me not to worry about vervain but as you say it can harm you if you feed on someone who has consumed it. My Heart, if a vampire ingests vervain, the vampire's throat and digestive tract will be burned. You would become feverish and extremely weak. I have seen what it does to the flesh of your kind if even the plant comes into contact with your skin. You cannot tell me to not worry when it exists in this world. The amount in this town turns my stomach. I have asked Pearl to help me do my best to avoid it for your sake. Though it seems the council here has plans for it, plans my father is a part of as a way to try and get back into the community's good graces. He has no idea that I am aware of that or my knowledge of those that walk among us. Something I plan to always keep from him, it may come in our favor one day. 

I am not certain if it only grows here. It is a plant that grows at the base of white oak trees, we have a higher concentration of those trees but surely it grows elsewhere? If I can I will see what I can learn. I feel that research may have to wait until we are free of this town. But I will still try until then. 

You have never broken a promise to me yet nor given me reason to doubt you, so I will believe in the promise that you will be safe. 

Lavender will now be a smell that I always associate with you, once more you take control of something small in my life. You do consume me and are always in my mind--always a part of everything I do. My anxieties, worries, and darker thoughts are all rooted in this town. They have created them, fed them, and caused their growth as the years have gone by. This town has taken much of me, I just do not wish for it to either take you or harm you. The idea of Vervain is not my only concern but you know that. My worries are always far away when I am with you, however. As silly as it might sound, you chase the demons away. You make me stronger and braver. Or at the very least you show me who I could be, who I could grow to be with your helping hand and love.

The Falls much like my favorite oak tree--not white oak I have checked-- is a place no one ever searches for me. They are peaceful and beautiful. A part of nature that has been untouched and left alone. The sound of the water going over the cliff soothes me. The fall is from what I can guess is at least fifteen foot drop, it’s highest point as tall as some of the trees below it. The pool of water below it is just as deep, if not more. Though I have not swum to the bottom since meeting you or jumped from it’s peak, though Annabelle did try to convince me. I was tempted to jump once more but I know you would not be pleased if something happened when you were not with me or if something more ill fated than being harmed happened. It leads into a river, wide and long. After it rains, the water is too dangerous to get in or be near as it then flows so much quicker. But I do love to watch it. Harper will bring you a few of my sketches of the area so you may see it. I still plan to take you there, my dearest heart. It will be one of our adventures. 

I promise you, there is nothing to be jealous of. No one should ever cause jealousy within you. My heart belongs to you and no how close I become with another--such as Annabelle--that will never change. Some say jealousy is a darker emotion, one that can lead a person to become controlling. I do not believe that. Jealousy, to a point, is healthy. It shows the depth of your love. Others would argue it shows insecurity. Maybe we are both correct. But it just means one does not wish to lose another. I know I will become jealous of others near you, I will not deny it as something that will happen. But I hope you will see it as I do when it happens. I never wish for you to change--dare I say the jealousy you admit to makes me feel ways I didn’t know I could. I enjoy it.

Stefan has never seen me truly be friends with another before, female especially. You know the tale of my first kiss, how Father reacted when Damon told him of catching myself with Abigail Sommers. She had been my only friend, only allowed by both our parents because of our families connections. The view of being me being demonic or a punishment to my parents for the way I was born made it hard to find friends. Now with the town's knowledge of my alignment, makes it even harder. So Stefan simply believes every woman I talk to or try to befriend is someone I seek to have more with. 

His mind believes the way of the church, Katerina. His words and actions over the years showing that. So there is no possible way his mind will ever be able to wrap around the fact two women could be together. It makes me laugh to picture his face when he learns of our love---especially once he has seen your beauty and met you. How could someone as posed, beautiful, and a true lady in the world's eye ever be so sinful and dark as to love me? A question that will no doubt be his as it is no longer one of mine. I will behave how you ask of me in front of the town and do as you ask regarding my brothers, but I will not go as far as to not spend time with you or appear as your friend. Part of your reason for being here is for me, I intend to take advantage of that. Not to mention, could you truly be so close to me and deny yourself my heart? I could not and I will not.

My father’s life is to do with as you please. I know many would recoil from you for those words or thoughts of murder, but I will not. The act of you killing him, torturing him, may actually give me pleasure and peace as well. I am not strong enough, physically, to do it myself. He does not deserve to be a part of this world but yet he acts as if this life is God given right and his actions have no consequences. He is vile and the scum of this earth truly.

Your possessiveness is showing my love. It thrills me. Others might disrespect that claim, but not Pearl nor I. There is nothing in this world that could ever make me drink the blood of a vampire that is not you. I know the offer would only come either at the dire need for me to heal, a situation that is not what we have planned for my time to turn, or if you knew you would be able to insure I was not going to die shortly after. I know to deny any that tries to give me some, you’ve made sure of that. Your friendship and trust in Pearl is well founded and centuries old, she knows better my love.

Speaking of Pearl, she has mentioned the thought of possibly having me wear something with Vervain within it to keep the vampires in this town--one’s that she is unsure of their loyalty to you as the number seems to grow each time we speak-- away from me. I do not know if I agree with this. Could it harm you and is it something that you would want? Only a gift from you will ever find a way to my skin that is potentially dangerous to you.

Enjoy the sketches and I will wait for your reply as always.

Eternally yours, Lee

[birdyisanightingale]

THT S4 Predictions: Brazil Trailer

Back by popular demand, I’m going to be doing a comprehensive set of predictions based on the Brazilian S4 trailer which has additional footage to the main one. If you want to watch it, here’s the link: https://www.handmaidsbrasil.com/2020/12/exclusivo-assista-ao-novo-teaser-legendado-da-quarta-temporada-de-tht.html

SPOILER ALERT!! Please be aware that if you keep reading there will be major S3 spoilers and potentially some S4 ones too!!

First up, we appear to have some sort of scene where June has been captured by eyes (or someone posing as the eyes - I’ll come back to this) . I think this must be at least an episode or so in because she seems to be walking fine and she doesn’t have any obvious injuries (she was basically dead at the end of S3). Another good sign is that she appears to be alone, so if she has indeed been taken by the eyes, they haven’t managed to capture all of the ‘magnificent seven’ (this is the new term being given to the fugitive handmaids from the end of the S3 Finale). 

However, considering the remote location, it looks likely that this scene may be an attempted execution of June. I know what you’re thinking, this is Gilead - if they want to kill you they won’t bother making it private, they’ll make an example out of you and leave you hanging on a wall until you rot. But think about it - at this point, killing June will not be an example, the resistance in all its different forms has gotten too big for that. If they kill June now, they will only be creating a martyr, and the only way to avoid that is to kill her secretly and get rid of all the evidence so no one knows if she’s dead or missing or maybe even escaped to Canada without telling anyone - a great way to crack a resistance is to take away the element of trust! Anyway that’s why they’d make her execution a quiet affair.

But here’s why I think it was only made to look like the yes have taken her. Judging from the location and costumes (although admittedly costume variety is particularly limited in this show), while this is later in the trailer, it looks like a continuation of the same scene. It looks almost like Nick knew that June was in a situation where either he intervened or she was captured (or worse) for real. He obviously still has to make it look somewhat legit because he’s a commander now and he needs to keep good standing to be able to help June and Mayday (not to mention, staying off the wall). 

I think this element of Nick being an asset to Mayday will be explored quite a lot this season, and beyond. Nick’s character development is particularly interesting because we’ve almost had a different Nick every season, but the writers are still finding new ways to surprise us with new dimensions to his character. In S1 we had ‘Nick the Eye’ who was battling this sense of duty and obligation that he had never bothered to question whether he agreed with his orders or not, with finally finding a reason to question those orders - June. Then in S2 when he’d finally gotten to a point where he’d chosen June over duty, we saw ‘Nick the husband’. We know from his flashbacks that he had a religious background before Gilead so he’s had ‘the sanctity of marriage’ instilled in him from a young age. So he’s somehow trying to reconcile his new role as a husband with his love for another woman who’s carrying his baby. And then we get the (admittedly infrequent) S3 ‘Nick the Soldier’ who we know absolutely nothing about, and how dominate that side of him is. Not dominant enough and Nick won’t have enough influence to be useful to Mayday, too dominant and he could potentially betray Mayday... we’ll have to wait and see...

“You can’t save her; some women don’t want to be saved.” Oof, literal chills. I’m really looking forward to this character dynamic. Both are commanders, both helped to create Gilead and regret it, and both have a connection to June. I know this is scene is talking about Nick wanting to save June and probably get her to Canada, but I can’t help thinking that the writers specifically wrote this line to have an underlying tone about Eleanor as her death will still be very fresh for Lawrence. 

This isn’t a prediction so much as a musing but I really hope there gets to be some sort of interaction between June and Lawrence about the circumstances of her suicide. Every time I watch the funeral scene where June and Lawrence just look at each other, I get more and more sure that Lawrence knows that something else happened that she’s not saying - he’s a smart man, after all.

Maybe this scene is a continuation of the ‘secluded forest/potential eyes’ scene. He could have asked her to stop “playing handmaid commander” (I believe this was a direct quote from S2, tell me if I’m wrong) and go with him to Canada and she refuses, hence why he goes to see Lawrence. That would fit the potential timeline as Lawrence would have to have been released from the interrogation scenes we saw in the main trailer, and we’ve established that the forest seven must be at least a few episodes in.

Speaking of rebel handmaid shenanigans, this looks fun! June is heard saying “Where we’re going isn’t safe.” and Mrs. Keyes (Mckenna Grace) replies “It’s not safe anywhere!”. I mean, straight off the bat, it looks like we’re going to get one hell of a performance from Mckenna Grace who seems insanely talented for 14! We’ve had it teased to us by different producers and show runners that Mrs. Keyes will be the confident teenage wife of a commander, who helps to facilitate the resistance. And, I mean being a child bride is horrifying so I can understand why she’s willing to help!

As where they’re actually going, I’m thinking that it’s got to be another ‘attack’ by Mayday. What that will look like is hard to say - another Lillie Fuller style bomb seems unlikely since the bomb-maker was moved and it doesn’t really seem like June’s style anyway (she’d rather go for the targeted kill without Handmaid/Martha casualties), and all remaining kids in Gilead will be under heavy security after the S3 Finale. My money would be on a plan to get out Handmaids/Marthas - in the originally trailer we hear June saying “These women deserve to be helped” which supports that theory. I think her efforts will particularly focus on handmaids since a lot of the kids they got out were kids of handmaids before Gilead so she’ll want them to be reunited where it’s safe to do so.

Right - my guess is that this scene must be following whatever Mayday attempted (successful or not...). Remember in S2 when June was looking at all the Marthas who had been hanged and she said that they had been hanged for being heretics and not for being part of resistance because officially there was no resistance because there was nothing to resist? I think what we’re seeing is June has been caught and she’s being given one of the hanging bags with the symbols on to say why they were hung, pre-execution (which I assume June will somehow survive - my guess would be Nick gets her out before the execution). June’s bag has a cross because she’ll be hung for being a heretic, because officially there is no resistance - although this seems like a bit of a stretch of a story even for Gilead considering what Mayday just pulled off. It’ll be interesting to see the story that Gilead do use to explain what happened.

Another thing I just want to quickly touch on is the costume - mustard yellow with a red strip. It’s a bit out there but I’m putting my money on ‘death row uniform’ - here’s why: the colours of the uniforms all have biblical connotations e.g. the wives where blue because it symbolises the purity of the Virgin Mary, handmaids wear read to symbolise Mary Magdalene who is a redeemed sinner etc. In Revelation (final book of the bible that talks of the end of the world and second coming etc.) the four horsemen (bringers of the end of the world) are described as being yellow as sulphur and red as fire. So the colours yellow and red would symbolise ‘the end’ i.e. a salvaging/execution. This is purely speculation so make sure to comment your thoughts!

Now the opinion you’re probably all here for - Hannah. In the shots shown in the trailer, she can be seen in some sort of glass prison with a doll, and she draws an eye in the dust. There’s been a lot of speculation about the context of this scene with the overriding theory being that this scene is a dream. In some ways this makes sense: June is in the yellow costume but she doesn’t have the same injuries shown in the other footage where she’s wearing this costume (although this could just be that this scene is slightly before that scene), the idea of a glass prison doesn’t really make sense in relation to what all the other cells look like that we’ve seen, the eye that Hannah draws is just way too precise for a drawing done with dust let alone a drawing done by a child, the idea of Hannah drawing an eye is also a strange drawing for a child whereas June would dream that because of the connotations to Gilead spies and ‘under his eye’. Not to mention it makes sense that June would be dreaming about Hannah being trapped as she’s been spending time with Mrs. Keyes who is a child bride close to Hannah’s age.

In all honesty, I don’t really know what I believe. I think that placing Hannah in a glass prison and allowing June to see her and be centimetres away but not be able to get to her is a very Gilead style power trip. Gilead officials know that the only reason that she’s still in Gilead is because of Hannah so it makes sense for them to hold her in a place that is blatantly obvious to June so she can be used as leverage in stopping an on-coming attack. Gilead pretend to be all about protecting children but we all know they’re not above cutting off a limb or two - as long as she still has a working uterus. So if this isn’t a dream and Hannah is being used as leverage, this puts a spanner in the works on my death row theory because you only keep leverage on someone if you need them for something and they won’t kill her if they still need her for something. There’s a number of things that could be - stopping an on-coming attack, intel on Mayday and the Martha network, maybe they’re blackmailing her to tell Luke to stand down on trying to get Fred and Serena convicted?

Anyway.... that was A LOT. Please reply to this post with any ideas you have or to prove me wrong - this is all we have till S4 drops!

Blessed be the fruit loops, bitches x

[regrettablewritings]

Navy, indigo, cobalt, teal, ocean, peacock, cerulean, lapis, and baby blue for Poe Dameron, please? If it’s not too much to ask

A rainbow of blue . . . Stuff’s below the cut!

Navy (If they could own any animal, either real or mythological, what would they pick?): A tiger. Oh, wait, no -- a winged tiger! Hell yeah! He loves orange for one, but also tigers are just plain neat. And if that bad boy can fly, then they could do all sorts of neat aerial tricks and traverse the land adventurer-style!

Indigo (What’s their favorite scent?): It’s very specific, but he misses the smell of the woods around his childhood home. Of course, it’s one that can’t really be replicated, but it’s still one he deeply enjoys recalling for obvious reasons. Aside from that, though, his guilty pleasure smell is the combination of metal and grease and the like from the mechanic shop on base. It helps him feel closer to his mother if truth be told. (He also really likes donuts!)

Cobalt (Childhood fear?): If you were to ask him yourself, Poe would’ve said monkeys. He still doesn’t like them. They’re too . . . “fingery”. But for a few years, Poe had a fear of water and of doctors. Nobody knows where the water thing came from, but needless to say, it made bathing difficult and he started showering younger than most tend to. Thankfully, it was a relatively brief period in his life, as Shara and Kes were able to slowly able to get him to be okay with having his head submerged in water. What wasn’t a short-lived fear, however, was his fear of doctors. When Shara had gotten sick, the expectation was that, with her fiery spirit, she could fight it off with no problem. Poe especially thought this -- she was his hero, after all. But when she didn’t recover, it left a huge impression on him. After all, he was only eight years old. He didn’t mean for it to, but the experience left him with a long-spanning fear of doctors and medical situations. Whenever Kes would take him for his pediatrician check-up, it was always a huge struggle to get Poe to behave or sit still. Not even the promise of a lollipop or a reward from the treasure chest of trinkets was enough to get Poe to stop running away from the waiting room. Thankfully, he’s grown out of it. Most of it, at least. Once he became a professional pilot, though, Poe sort of had to clean up his act about doctor visits and being afraid of hearing potentially bad diagnoses. He’s still a bit iffy about getting shots but he’ll do it; there’s just this primal fear about it going wrong or, if it’s for blood work, that it’ll come back with traces of some unknown disease that’ll claim him.

Teal (How do they flirt?): Come on, with a face like that? Does he really need to actually flirt? Poe is aware of how good he apparently looks to others, though he doesn’t really invest much stock into it. He honestly finds it a bit silly (and embarrassing, given how they once used his likeness to get people interested in joining their piloting unit. That being said, he’s not above using the looks people praise him for having. There have admittedly been a few occasions where he’s had to flash that dashing smile of his to get some information in a nonviolent way but if we’re talking about when he’s genuinely interested, it’s a lot less smooth. He fumbles over his words more, his smiles are less controlled and more clumsy . . . It’s admittedly adorable but definitely not the effect he wants to have. This is generally why Poe tends to fair better with and prefer those with whom he’s established a more friend or companion-based connection. He knows them, they know him, the banter comes along a lot easier because of a shared history that includes inside jokes. That being said, Poe works best when he’s allowed to be humorous. He likes making people smile, and the one he intends to flirt with is absolutely no exception. He’ll pull out his best material, offering quip after pun after so-bad-it’s-good dad joke until he at least gets a scoff-cloaked chuckle out of them. The moment he sees a glimmer of mirth in their eyes, he knows he’s got them.

Ocean (What are their hugs like?): You know that feeling of the early morning sun’s rays slowly creeping onto your skin, washing you in the golden light of a new day? Poe’s hugs are a lot like that, only more personal. You can feel how happy he is to have you around in every flex of his arms. He holds you close and tight, like he’s squeezing out any worries you had before releasing you, feeling refreshed and ready to take on whatever’s next. If you’re lucky and he’s in an especially good mood, he’s not above picking you up and giving the hug a little spin, usually accompanied by a laugh (because, usually, this hug happens when a crisis has been averted).

Peacock (Do they prefer showers, or baths?): Showers. Due to his stint with aquaphobia, Poe took to showering as a kid. Even after he got over it, though, he preferred the efficiency of showering. By the time he reached adulthood, showers were about all he had the option of anyway: The ships he became familiar with during the Resistance tended to only offering showers due to the space it allowed, and because showers require less water and time. On the rare occasion he does want a bath over a shower, it’s usually to have a more encompassed way of relaxing after way too long on his feet. Normally, these are reserved for the rare event that he’s home, or when he wants to try out a strange new oil that works best in a bath.

Cerulean (What’s their laugh like?): Surprisingly, they’re not huge belly laughs, but they’re appealing and even contagious nonetheless. In a word, it’s effervescent. Soft yet bubbly. Not in a flirtatious way, but in that there are slopes to it. If what made him laugh was a word or sentence, he tends to repeat it just to taste those words and keep the joy alive a bit longer. Once he’s laughing, it’s hard to not start laughing yourself, especially if you catch him muttering whatever words might’ve put him in such a state. The bigger laughs that have him bending over aren’t much louder but they do have the delightful addition of a cute hiccupy sound.

Lapis (Are they superstitious?): Surprisingly, yes, to a degree. A lot of pilots are, in fact. He’s not fond of talking about ghosts or snubbing the dead, he doesn’t really believe in gremlins all that much but would rather not tempt fate. He respects hallowed ground and collects talismans meant to bring protection while on his travels. He says it’s because they’re nifty and look nice in his apartment, but let’s be real: He likes the extra protection just in case. He’s made a bit of a hobby out of it, researching the various superstitions of cultures prominent in the areas he’s flying to so that he better understands cultural graces and boundaries.

Baby Blue (What Greek god/goddess are they most like?): Poe looks like Apollo and acts like Hermes. For the most part. Of course, Poe stunning good looks, musical capabilities (he is able to sing quite well), and tendency to take to the skies is reminiscent of the chariot-driving Apollo. However, his ability to travel at great speeds and travel about the galaxy brings Hermes to mind. Plus, Poe can be a bit of a delightful scoundrel both in and out of unpleasant situations.

Thank you for asking!

[crvelsovls]

—

ophelia tate has been walking around town. hazelgrove is familiar of the thirty-one year old hunter. she is aware of the supernatural residents in town. the people of hazelgrove can agree that the librarian can be vehement yet still be reticent. let’s just hope things in town can settle down. + delicate fingers adorned with moonstone gem rings, a coy smile spread across peach-tinted lips and a slender form shrouded in an air of mystery and intrigue. 

s’up buttercups ?? ‘tis me again, here with my second gal ; ophelia. she’s my clever lil huntress who’s loosely based on various past muses of mine. she’s a lot more... innocent that delphine but she’s still quite fiery and sarcastic dkjsdsh anyways, i’ll save you all from my pointless babbles but as usual, pls flick that lil grey heart n i’ll shimmy my irish butt into your ims for plots !! : )

FUNDAMENTALS.

full name. ophelia penelope tate.

nicknames. o, phe, & effie.

current age. thirty-one.

birthday. january thirty-first.

gender. cisgender female.

pronouns. she / her.

species. human.

nationality. british.

religion. raised a catholic but no longer practices.

birthplace. london, england.

current residence. hazelgrove, me.

sexual orientation. bisexual.

romantic orientation. demiromantic.

education. english literature degree.

occupation. librarian at hazelgrove public library.

CONNECTIONS.

birth mother. natalie tate. †

birth father. alexander tate. †

full blood siblings. astrid tate. †

maternal grandmother. katherine reynolds.

maternal grandfather. marcus reynolds. †

paternal grandmother. anika tate.

paternal grandfather. edward tate. †

maternal aunts. odette reynolds.

maternal uncles. none.

paternal aunts. sophia tate.

paternal uncles. duncan tate. †

PROFICIENCIES.

spoken languages. english, french, & latin.

negative traits. capricious, ornery, impulsive, guileful, & caustic.

positive traits. ardent, whimsical, intrepid, graceful, & poised.

strengths. etiquette, bold, rational, practical, original, perceptive, direct, & sociable.

weaknesses. dramatic, impulsive, quick-tempered, insensitive, impatient, risk-prone, unstructured, misses the bigger picture, & defiant.

skills. skilled with blades and various knives, hand-to-hand combat, perception, persuasiveness, good judgment, & able to use initiative.

talents. retaining information, memory recall, knife throwing, & quick thinking.

APPEARANCE.

eye colour. blue.

hair colour. blonde.

height. five feet, four inches.

weight. 52 kg.

build. she is of quite a petite stature, and slender with mild curves.

scars. a long, silvery one running along half her spine.

tattoos. n/a.

piercings. earlobes.

glasses. yes, but usually wears contacts.

MISCELLANEOUS.

zodiac. aquarius.

element. air.

house. ravenclaw.

myers briggs type. estp-t.

alignment. neutral good.

enneagram. type seven.

temperament. sanguine

intelligence type. interpersonal.

character label. the orphic.

past mental disorders. post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, & suicidal tendencies.

current mental disorders. undiagnosed.

addictions. nicotine.

vices. wrath, envy, & pride.

virtues. temperance, charity, & diligence.

allergies. penicillin.

diet. vegetarian.

dominant hand. left.

accent. mostly english with a mild twang of notable american.

blood type. b negative.

vehicle. bottle green 2015 volkswagen beetle.

BACKGROUND.

trigger(s). mention of exorcism, mentions of murder, & mentions of death. 

born and raised in london, the tate family seemed picture-perfect. though, underneath, the story was very different from how it seemed. while ophelia and her younger sister were showered with love and affection, their parents remained mostly absent albeit for fleeting moments in time. it wasn’t until ophelia grew older that she became more curious about what led her parents astray for weeks at a time. under the illusion that her parents were simply important figures, perhaps lawyers or detectives, a childish ophelia had never considered that their lives had been tainted by a much more corrupt presence. 

eventually, it transpired that her parents were hunters. more specifically, people who hunted down supernatural creatures and put an end to their existence. or, tried, at least. how ophelia stumbled across this fact was by pure chance. her grandfather had been visiting and she had walked into the basement where she witnessed her father and his father attempting to exorcise what she then described as a ‘man with black eyes.’ nowadays, she’d refer to said man and his kind as demonic bastards. 

of course, with their sights elsewhere, the demon managed to free himself only to murder her father and grandfather in the process. if it hadn’t been for her mother, ophelia would have ceased to exist that night also. it was that night that her mother shipped them off to live with their aunt for a while but eventually, after a week or so, her mother returned.

seemingly, everything had been fine until one night when their home was attacked by a pair of vampires. these vampires having been survivors of their mothers attack on their nest, thus they tailed her and laid low until the most opportune moment where they attacked. how ophelia managed to escape that night was anybody’s guess. though the rest of the household hadn’t been so lucky.

having lost her parents, sister and aunt to supernatural creatures, ophelia grew up with a deep rooted hatred for every creature of the night. it had taken her many years to learn of each creature, their weaknesses, strengths and, most importantly, how to kill them. but once she had mastered the art, she set out on a mission to hunt like her parents before her. admittedly, in the beginning, she’d had some near misses, brushing with death many times. but with more hunts under her belt, the better she became.

eventually, ophelia decided to leave london behind in search of the states where she was certain there would be ample supernatural beings endangering the lives of innocents. she moved around for a few years until she settled in hazelgrove where she soon learned that the town harboured an abundance of things that went bump in the night. it was this fact alone that she opted for staying put where she also works as a librarian; constantly researching and reading up on various creatures.

becoming a hunter hadn’t been something that had ever crossed her mind until she’d lost everything. in fact, it had been a path that she should have never stumbled across if it hadn’t been for her witnessing the demon that night. still, nevertheless, it was the road she’d travelled down now and with resentment deep in her bones, there would be no stopping her.

PERSONALITY.

to all who encounter her, ophelia can appear on the surface an extremely reckless and careless woman with a huge tendency to adopt a sardonic tongue during almost all occasions. given her demeanour and attitude, it would be fair to assess that all the blonde is, is a satirical mouthpiece with a permanent simper corroded into the corner of her lips. despite this all, the shell of ophelia does contain much more substance. regardless of her blasé attitude, a passionate, whimsical girl remains deep within the high walls of her persona. it’s almost safe to say that the facade she paints over herself every day is nothing more than a basic ruse; a temporary fixture to aid in slowly but permanently fixing the broken fractions of her mind. it goes without saying that ophelia is constantly shrouded in mystery, concealing her true emotions and feigning any feelings whatsoever. although a sensitive, vulnerable aspect of her persona remains, it seldom prevails against her impulsive, sarcastic, intelligent nature. the problem with being clever is already knowing the things others try so desperately to hide from you. ophelia knows how others view her, she sees how they look at her. everybody assumes she’s too difficult to reason with and believe she’s even tougher to understand. it is this that enables ophelia to flirt with danger, use her words as a weapon and also a bargaining chip. it is this that gives ophelia an overwhelming sense of adrenaline, swimming through her veins and fuelling the fire that lies within the pit of her stomach.

QUICK FACTS.

can drink any man under the table.

smol but fierce.

one of those people who just excels at everything they try their hand at.

has a very high pain tolerance. seriously, it’s kinda freaky.

the only thing she’s truly terrified of is spiders. those eight-legged cretins have her shaking like a leaf.

absolutely adores animals. much prefers them to humans.

was raised a catholic and went to an all-girls catholic school but she no longer practices.

doesn’t drink much as she doesn’t like to be out of control even in the slightest.

she quite likes being a hunter and she does the job very well. attention to detail is key when she’s working.

is a very reckless driver, it’s a surprise she hasn’t been in an accident yet.

looks innocent but really isn’t in every sense of the word.

she’s that bitch that loves reading and has a thing for poetry.

she’s quite adventurous and loves to feel the adrenaline in her blood.

doesn’t take herself or her life too seriously.

a bit meddlesome and a troublemaker.

always up for a good time and is usually the life of the party.

outspoken and quick-witted with a sharp tongue.

WANTED PLOTS.

for wanted connections and potential plots, i’m open to just about anything so feel free to hmu for connections or any plots you can think of !! some i’d really love are :

best friend ( pls give my girl a bff she can tell everything to and can party with and just do best pal stuff with like platonic soul mates pls. )

childhood friend ( they maybe drifted apart ? )

an on off relationship ( pretty much like a fwb type situation or casual hookup situation that could develop into feelings or just remain casual. )

a potential love interest ( bonus points if it’s angsty. )

exes / past flings / one night stands.

enemies and rivals.

drinking / party buddies.

and obviously connections with fellow hunters and the supernatural oOoOoOo.

[din0pants-blog]

Guess ill be the first! Is it possible to get some nsfw headcanons and a scenario of their first time?

Firstly, I’d like to apologize for taking so obscenely long toget to this! That said, I was originally going to do both headcanonsand the scenario, but in the interest of getting this posted ASAP, Ionly did the scenario for now (don't worry though, I didn't rush it).However, if you still want the NS*FW headcanons, Anon, please feelfree to send another request asking for them and I will gladly get to them whenever I can!!!

Little bonus fact about this piece: I was originally planning onincluding Diego making a metaphor comparing his... naughty time withHot Pants to the Devil tempting her into a fall from Grace, but Icouldn't quite figure out how to make it fit, given the direction Itook this piece in, so ultimately, I dropped the idea. It'sadmittedly an interesting idea on paper, but I feel like Hot Pantswouldn't have taken too kindly to it anyway (especially in context),so it's just as well that I decided against the metaphor's inclusion.

Requested content is under the cut! 18+ readers only, please:

Many people have an idea of how they imagine their first time willbe, whether in general or with a specific person–an ideal scenario.Predictably, some end up setting their expectations quite high, butvery rarely are those ideals realized. However, even when someone'sfirst time having sex doesn't go according to plan, though some aredisappointed, others are very pleasantly surprised by the unexpectedturn the situation had taken.

However, neither Diego nor Hot Pantscould have been said to have any sort of ideal planned out for theirfirst time. The former had never thought of sex as something that wasworth idealizing, while the latter actively attempted to banish allsuch desires from her very being whenever they popped up and sorarely allowed herself to entertain thoughts about sex at all. Assuch, it makes the situation they currently find themselves in allthe more surprising, Hot Pants straddling Diego's lap, rolling herhips firmly against the slowly but surely growing erection beneathher. Her breaths come in short, quiet, and frustrated bursts, hereyes screwed shut as she focuses on getting Diego ready, but mainlyon her own pleasure.

“Are you having a hard time?”he asks.

“Hush.”

“You're getting nowhere fast.”

“Because you keepbreaking my focus.”

“You've never done this before,have you? Let me hel-”

“Shut up, Diego!”

He narrows his eyes and snorts in abestial sort of way. “If you want to be stubborn and strugglemeaninglessly, be my guest. But if you must insist on it, then I, onthe other hand, will be going to sleep. Who knows? You might manageto give me a nice wet dream,” he taunts.

Hot Pants' motions suddenly come to agrinding halt and she narrows her eyes at him in response. “... Youwouldn't.”

He shrugs nonchalantly as he getshimself comfortable, making sure his companion still has unencumberedaccess to his frontside. “Try me,” he says to her, shutting hiseyes in a casual display of defiance, truly prepared to make good onhis word. “I offered to help and you so carelessly refused myoffer. That's not myproblem.”

Clutching at the turtleneckcollar of his sweater, Hot Pants pulls herself closer, her face up inDiego's own, the tip of her nose pressing uncomfortably against his.“Listen, Brando,” she hisses. “It isyour problem. You startedthis. You deliberately riled me up and now you're telling me thatyou're going to sleep instead??? What do you want,dammit?! For the love of all that is holy, be straightforward withme!”

“What a ridiculous question,”Diego chides. “Isn't it obvious?”

“What did I just finish sayi-!!!”

His lips are on hers before she canfinish. It's not a particularly chaste kiss, but it's notparticularly passionate either. And then it's over. Hot Pants isdazed while Diego looks at her with the titillated gaze of an ancientpredator. “I wanted to rile you up, of course,” he tells her,finally answering her question properly. “Can't you feel it? Theracing of your heart? The flush of your skin? The roar of your blood?… The wetness between your legs?” Hot Pants blinks, but realizesthat he's right.

“It's thrilling, isn't it...?”he says quietly, grinning unnaturally wide, the points of sharp teethpeeking from past his lips and his split cheeks, though his featuresrevert to something recognizably and unalarmingly human withinseconds.

“... I'm not answering that.”

“Mm? Which question in specific?”

“All of them. I'm not answering anyof those questions.”

Reaching down to her clothed groin, herubs at her. Hot Pants quietly gasps out a, “Yes...”whimpering at Diego's tender touch. “A pity you won't tell meyourself. But your body betrays you, Hot Pants. It speaks the wordsyou refuse to say with your voice. I can feel it; you're hot andslick. I can smell it; it's earthy and sweet. I can see it. Oh, butyou're not even aware, are you? I've been keeping my hand perfectlystill. Mostly,” he tells her and she suddenly becomes all too awareof her hips rolling against the pads of the man's inviting fingers.She jerks to a halt, becoming self-conscious and he removes hisfingers from their spot, purposely running them against her sensitiveclit before resting both that hand—covered in her delectablescent—and the other on her hips. In her sudden stillness, her sexcradling Diego's own again, she takes notice of the fact that he'sfully erect now, his firm shaft undeniably pressing and throbbingexcitedly against her.

“Let me help you,” Diego repeats,staring her in the eyes, his voice low.

Hot Pants is silent now,but—reciprocating his stare—instead of speaking, she tugs atDiego's sweater, managing to remove it from his body with hisassistance. Working at her own clothing momentarily, just long enoughto expose her chest and torso to him, she works on unfastening thebelt securing his jodhpurs. She should feel indecent, she should feellike the filthy sinner she knows herself to be. But then... why doesher soul feel unaffected by the stain that plagues it? It's stillthere--this, she knows—but for the first time since her childhood,she feels untouchable, like the sin and the guilt can't haunther.

Sheseeks more of Diego's body, briefly runs her hands upon the strong,muscular planes. Her breathing comes and goes heavily. She's high onthis drug, on the peace and the lackadaisy she feels towards thatmistake, the iniquitythat has tormented her very being since the very moment it had beencommitted.

'More... I need...'

“Diego,I need more. Touch me...” she finally murmurs, pulling Diego'slower garments down as much as she can, exposing his cock—drippingfrom the tip with pre-ejaculate —to the chilly Autumn air. Diego'spupils narrow into slits again, Hot Pants' plea sending fire throughhis veins, making it all the more difficult for him to reject thecall of the wild that echoes within his skull. Tearing apart thecrotch of her leggings like thin paper, before she can gripe aboutit, he's lifting her by her hips and seating her on his lap, hislength penetrating her wholly and suddenly. Hot Pants immediatelytightens around him, letting out a startled cry, eyes wide, breathstaccato as she desperately plants her hands against his chest in aneffort to keep herself grounded in the midst of the shock of intenselightning pleasure that has struck her entire body and surges to herhead and through her limbs, causing her digits against his chest andin the dry, gritty soil to curl and her head to be filled with athick, Nirvanic fog.

Havingbarely given her time to adjust, Diego bucks into her from below. Hischeeks have split open again, a scaly patch forming beneath his lefteye. With clawed, blue-tinted saurian hands, he firmly grips herrear—the points of his ivory claws pricking dangerously into themeaty flesh—and guides her motions. She quickly comes to understandwhat he's asking of her and rolls her hips as he thrusts into herfrom below; her compliance earns her the reward of happy chitteringfrom Diego's throat.

He'slarge, easily filling her and stretching her. The heat of his bodyinside of her is enough to draw moans, sweet like honey, forth fromher lips. Every thrust up into her slick warmth resounds with a wet,carnal slap,slap,slap thatintermingles with her moans and sighs, with her trembling calls ofDiego's name.

“Die-g-go...I-I think I'm... OhGod...” Hot Pantsfeels somethingwinding tighter in her lower belly, growing hotter, tensing,twisting.“More... Faster, harder, anything!Please!” Diego eagerly complies, pistoning into her in earnest now.“I didn't mean by thatmuch!!” sheexclaims, crying out in pleasure. And yet, quickly, those wordlesscries become a chant of Diego's name, each repetition coming outhigher and higher-pitched until finally, her back involuntarilyarches forward and her head falls back. All at once, she feels theintense heat that had been building up inside of her bursting intoevery part of her body, her lungs are burning for air, her cuntthrobs around Diego's length, and the heavenly haze in her headintensifies. Amidst the simultaneous sensations that assault herhypersensitive body, she's faintly aware of an additional liquid heatpouring into her.

Asthough instinctively, Diego holds her close. Despite the wonderfulfeelings echoing within her and the exhaustion that urges her eyesclosed, she can't help but think that Diego's probably not entirelyaware of the unusually affectionate action he's performing. Beforeshe allows herself rest, she's all too aware that this feeling offreedom she's experiencing is going to disappear soon enough.

'Though... Even if it'sforbidden, I want to feel this again.'

Openingher eyes once more, she looks up at the now-slumbering Diego's facefor a short bit before closing them once more and, exhaling throughher nose, she makes herself comfortable and before settling intosleep herself, she asks God to forgive her.

[death-himself]

Could You Meet Me Beyond the Grave?—Chapter 3

thank lord jebus for giving me the willpower to pump out a new chapter of this

this chapter switches between first and third person a little bit but ya know what? that’s fine. It was kinda needed for it to work the way I wanted it to so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

previous next (AO3 Link)

Summary: Virgil nearly gets caught, and now must deal with the results of his actions

Pairings: Eventual LAMP/CALM, Remile, QPR RED

Word Count: 2,294

Warnings: Referenced Eye Trauma (welcome back to the Willow AU), Kidnapping, Deceit being an anti-villain (I’ve decided on that term for him now because idk he’s either that or morally grey depending on your view on life)

(anything else you need tagged lemme know)

Roman slowly stirred his drink, the ice clinking against the sides of the glass. He then groaned, letting his head fall to the table. "How long is he gonna make us wait?"

"It's been five minutes, Roman."

"It feels like it's been forever!" Patton giggled, patting Roman on the head. "Give him time, he said he'll be here!"

"He says that all the time now." Roman grumbled. "I mean come on, Patton! He tells us he'll be here and then ten minutes after he's supposed to be here he says he can't come! He continuously gets our hopes up then just pummels them into the ground!" Patton hesitated, looking out at the streets hopefully. "Just...give him time—"

"We've given him a whole month! Every date we talk about, he's always like "Oh I'll be there, I'll finally grace you with my likely very handsome face" and then he's a no-show! I mean, come on! He, he keeps...ghosting us! That's the word! He's a professional ghost!"

"Roman, what are you even—"

"You've gotta agree with me, Lo! He's being weird." Logan rolled his eyes, taking a long sip of his coffee to establish dominance. "He has been acting particularly odd recently, I can't disagree with that, Roman. However, we have always known him as a rather strange person. He does tend to procrastinate and worry about things until it's too late for him to make a proper decision. This is our fourth date since Virgil began doing this, so—"

"So he has to show up today!" Patton interjected. "I mean, one more time would be just crazy, right?" Roman thought it over for a moment, before sighing and nodding his head. "You have a point, darling. I suppose I can wait a bit longer." Logan opened his mouth to speak, before sighing and sitting back in his chair in resignation.

They sat in silence for a moment, before they heard a yelp from outside. Patton furrowed his eyebrows, listening curiously. "Hey! Watch where you're—" The person seemed to freeze, then only a few seconds later a second person screamed in terror, and a man ran past the cafe window as fast as humanly possible, horror painted across his face. The three stared wide-eyed as he passed, before Roman turned to Logan. "What do you think that was about?" Logan hummed, taking a sip from his coffee. "I haven't the slightest idea."

"Hey guys, is it just me, or did that first guy sound kinda like Vee?" Roman's eyebrows raised, before he shrugged. "Virgil making someone scream in fear? It does match his aesthetic. But no, that...probably wasn't him." Patton shrugged, resting his chin on his hand as they continued to wait.

A lecture from Dee was the last thing I wanted at the moment. Granted, I never wanted lectures from Dee, but this time was especially irritating. "You can't just run off like that hopelessly chasing after your soulmates, Virgil! You nearly got caught this time!"

"Dee, I—"

"Go to your room! This whole situation is ridiculous!"

"Are you seriously sending me to my room? I'm not a child and you're not my mom. I'll go to my room if I want to." I shoved my hands into my pockets, standing up and making my way to the stairs. I heard Dee's frustrated groan as I stormed up, shoving my door open and slamming it shut. I collapsed onto my bed, running a hand down my face. I knew I had screwed up, but it's not like I was gonna admit that to Dee.

There was a knock at my door, followed quickly by it opening, Emile's scent drifting into the room. "Dee's been pretty uptight recently, huh?"

"Ever since I started trying to meet them."

"He is a bit...controlling. I've been suspecting it's just overprotectiveness taken to the extreme, I mean...he does care a lot about you." There was a short silence as we both collected our thoughts. Emile sighed. "What exactly happened this time?"

"I...tried to meet up with them at this cafe in the middle of town. Then there was this one...asshole who kicked at my leg and made me lose my balance. I just barely stopped myself from falling on my face. Then I turned to him with a full speech on how much I hated him for doing that when I realized that my scarf had slipped down my neck and my sunglasses had slipped down my nose. All my exposed muscles and missing eyes and shit were, well...exposed. He must've seen them 'cause I heard him scream and run off. Then Dee grabbed me and dragged me back here." Emile had moved to sit next to me on the bed. I rubbed one of the blankets between my fingers, the motion soothing in a way. "We're lucky he was probably the only one who saw. No one's gonna believe one guy saying that he saw a man with his skin torn open and no eyes. At least that's what Remy said when we were fighting."

Emile sighed, gently rubbing circles into my hand with his thumb. "Why don't you get some rest, Lapis? If you want, I could have Remy come give you some of his sleeping gas." I wrinkled my nose. "Fuck no! That stuff smells awful! Plus, he always uses way too much on me, I can just tell." Emile hummed in agreement, giving my hand a small squeeze before he stood up. "Well, try to get some sleep anyway, Vee."

"Thanks, Em." I muttered, sighing as I heard my door close and his footsteps walk away. I lied down in bed, picked up a marker, and began writing my fourth apology letter to my soulmates onto my arms.

Emile walked downstairs, smelling Dee and Remy on the couch. "Vee's not doing too well, Dee."

"I know." Dee groaned. "It's just...I don't know what to do about him!" Emile sat down on his left, Remy on his right, preparing himself for the rant that Dee had definitely been in need of for a long time. "I understand why he'd be so insistent on meeting them; I, admittedly, wanted to meet you two more than anything when I first found out about you. Virgil can attest to that. But...all the danger he's putting himself in, and he doesn't even know—"

Dee slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. Remy gently tapped Dee's leg. "Doesn't know what, babe?" Dee slowly uncovered his mouth, his hands trembling slightly. "N-Nothing, Remy."

"Aw come on, you can tell us!" Emile said with a smile. Dee took a deep breath, carefully taking his hat off and cradling it to his chest. "His soulmates aren't becoming Willows."

"What?"

"Think about it Emile! The three of us died at the same biological age because we're soulmates! Virgil's biologically 19! His soulmates are 28! They're going to die and pass on into whatever kind of afterlife there is while Virgil will be stuck here with us! And when he finds out about that, he's going to be absolutely heartbroken! That is exactly why he can never find out!"

"How do you know soulmates have to be the same age to be Willows? I mean, we don't really know if someone'll be a Willow until they—"

"I've been around for 200 years, Emile. I've seen this before, with other Willows. I've noticed the pattern. Soulmates who both become Willows are always the same biological age when they die. Those that aren't the same age," Dee sighed, "they do exactly what Virgil's doing now, and they always either get killed or heartbroken." Emile pointed his head to the ground, lips pressed together in thought.

"Why don't we give Virgil's soulmates a try? You know, as humans?"

Remy snorted. "You kiddin', Emy? What kinda human falls in love with people who eat humans? Who aren't cannibals or murderers? I mean, come on babe, it took us months to get used to Dee, and we were Willows when we met him."

"If Virgil goes with them he may have to re-integrate into human society." Dee mumbled, eyes wide with the realization. "He'd have to leave the tower for good if he does somehow end up living with his soulmates. They're human, they still have to live normal human lives." Emile felt the fear radiating off Dee as he continued mumbling to himself. He slowly put a hand on Dee's back, rubbing steady circles in hopes of calming him down. "Is there any way we could make them into Willows?"

Dee shook his head. "Willows are born from suffering; they'd have to be put through quite a lot to become like us. It might be too late anyway." Emile suddenly felt his emotions alter completely, Dee going silent as he thought. Remy seemed to tell something was different as well, as he asked, "You okay, Dee-Dee?" Dee was silent for a bit longer, before taking a deep breath, saying, "I'm fine. I just...need to take a walk. I'll be back in a few hours." With that, he grabbed his scarf, sunglasses, and cane, then exited the tower. Emile strained his ears as he listened to him leave, not liking the aura he had been giving off.

It had been roughly forty minutes since Dee had taken Virgil out of the city. As per usual, his soulmates' date would last roughly two to four hours, and Virgil would have finished his apology by now. Still plenty of time to put his plan into action. While it was definitely one of the worst plans he had made, it was worth a shot. He just hoped Virgil would never realize what he was doing. And if he did find out, Dee hoped he'd realize he was doing it for him.

He felt his skin itch and tingle as he shape-shifted into Virgil. He had never understood why they had gotten these powers when they became Willows, but they had definitely helped him in the past, and would definitely help him now.

Dee entered the city, subconsciously making himself smaller as he navigated through the crowds of people, forcing himself not to take in their scents as he headed to his destination. He found the place he had grabbed Virgil and pulled him to safety, then continued walking a bit further.

Roman stared glumly out the window, feeling Patton writing out a response to Virgil's apology. "How many times is he gonna do this?" He mumbled. Logan sighed, paying for their food and standing up. "Perhaps we should just head home? We could, possibly, stop by that new dog park if either of you happen to be interested?" Patton perked up immediately, smiling at Logan, trying his best not to show just how upset he was. "Sounds great, Lolo!" Roman chuckled at his enthusiasm, not taking his eyes away from the window.

That's when he saw a familiar black and purple hoodie, dyed purple hair, and white cane. Roman jerked upright, staring wide-eyed as the man walked past so casually. "That's Virgil!" He whispered.

"What?"

"From when I bumped into him at the store! It's him!" Roman stood up, grabbing Logan and Patton by the hands as he pulled them all out of the cafe. "He's not getting away this time." Once out of the store, he jogged over and grabbed "Virgil" by the shoulder. "Virgil" jumped, before spinning around.

"What is your problem? You give us an apology saying you couldn't come, and now here you are! Why didn't you just—"

"Hey, hey, Roman! I'm sorry, okay?" Dee disguised as Virgil shouted, putting his hands up in surrender. "I'm not really supposed to be here anyway, but...I wanted to show you something. I...need to show you something." He purposely made his voice softer, so as to gain their sympathy.

"Oh, sure thing Vee! What is it?" Patton asked.

"Follow me." Logan furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you sure you know where you're going?"

"I have this part of the city memorized, L. Don't worry about it." Logan seemed perfectly ready to ask a few more questions, but held off, instead watching with suspicion. Dee led the three humans to the edge of the city, then to the edge of a forest. "So...where are we going?" Roman asked hesitantly.

"You'll see." Logan, walking behind everyone else, fished a blue pen from his pocket. He wrote a simple question on his arm: “Virgil, what are you up to right now?” The first odd thing about it was that Roman and Patton had instinctively checked their arms, feeling the familiar itch as Logan wrote. So why didn't Virgil check? After a few more minutes of walking, "Virgil" stopped, turning around to face them. "We're here." Logan felt writing forming on his arm. He glanced down to see Virgil's purple handwriting. Where was Virgil's pen?

Dee took his time memorizing their scents, figuring out as much as he could about them, before allowing himself to stop. He let go of his disguise, shifting back into his normal self as Logan said "That's not Virgil" just a few seconds too late. He sensed Roman come closer, blocking a punch to his face and ducking as Roman tried to make a second blow. He grabbed Roman by the head, slamming it against a tree. Roman went limp, falling to the ground. Patton screamed, being quickly muffled as Dee charged both him and Logan, knocking them down to the ground and choking them until they went unconscious. He took a deep breath, tying the three up and sneaking them back into the tower, dropping them into the most secure room in the building. Anything for Virgil's sake.

[stillbelievinginfireflies]

Some thoughts on Luther, the apocalypse, and the situation at large

Alright, so. Getting the sense that I’m one of maybe like five people in the fandom that doesn’t actually hate Luther Hargreeves, so I’m gonna do some analysis here and see if I can change any opinions.

So, first things first: Luther is not perfect. Not by any stretch. This post is not trying to claim he is, or that he’s some ‘misunderstood angel baby uwu’. Locking Vanya up was absolutely awful, and his obsession with making decisions for everyone else and acting like a martyr does him no favours. But! He is by no means the only person responsible for everything that happens in this series.

The post is gonna be under the cut, because boy oh boy it’s a long one.

Argument #1: Luther locked up Vanya, causing her to become the White Violin and destroy the world.

Yep. He locked her up. However, it’s not like he was the only person capable of getting her out. Allison, Ben, Diego, and Klaus all were present when this happened and knew that Vanya was trapped. Ben couldn’t do anything. Allison tried to pass by Luther and he held her back and refused to let her do anything until eventually she passed out. Then they all left Vanya to veg out in a soundproof chamber and lose her mind. While Luther is still obviously the one who locked her up, why did nobody else think to...idk...unlock her? He was sitting with Allison in her room right after this incident and obsessing over her. They could have just as easily climbed into the elevator and gone back downstairs to free Vanya and show that Allison wasn’t the only one in her corner. Hell, Diego is pretty much eternally ready to fight Luther throughout the series and while that doesn’t in any way make what happened his fault, it is worth noting that while Luther is the one who locked her up, the others were complicit in allowing her to stay locked up.

Argument #2: Luther is self-absorbed and constantly invalidates the trauma of the others in favour of his own trauma about being sent to the moon.

I’ve only watched the show once, so I may be wrong in this. But most of the instances that come to mind of Luther bringing up the moon are either when it seemed like a natural place in the conversation to do so (like the window conversation when he was sitting and talking with Allison about what it was like up there) or towards the end of the series when he’s trying to solve the apocalypse mystery and suggests that it might have something to do with his research on the moon and how finding that will help. He hated the moon, and he hated that he wound up becoming a half-gorilla-skin-graft situation to survive. But he literally hid the body issue until it straight up came out when Hazel and Cha-Cha attacked the house, and then while he was upset about the others knowing, he didn’t want to talk about it. As far as I recall (and again, might be wrong here) he didn’t talk about it until he was egged into it and got into an argument about how the others shouldn’t have left him alone. Which, okay. Admittedly, poor argument to make, given that the others left for a damn good reason and Luther should have left too. All the same, it’s not like he’s sitting there rubbing it in everyone’s face about ‘why are you upset? Dad sent me to the moon! Locking you in the mausoleum/soundproof rooms is nothing!’ He barely even seems to regard it as traumatic for a while, because he thinks there was a point.

Now, obviously everybody in that house went through hell as a kid, but none of them want to talk about that. This is not a family that is open with emotions, and Luther especially is removed from all of them with the arguable exception of Allison. Would it really have done anything if he had responded to the others by trying to have a sit down about their trauma instead of moving on with their life and bringing the conversation back to the moon (which again, at the time he thought might be a useful lead) so they could solve this mystery, stop the apocalypse, and never have to see each other or the House Of Horrors again?

Argument #3: Luther is self-absorbed and keeps forcing the idea that he is a leader and making decisions for others.

Yep. He does make decisions for others without their input. He often makes really stupid decisions. So does literally everybody else in the Academy. Five tries to solve the apocalypse by running off and handling shit on his own constantly and they’re halfway through the series before he thinks to involve anyone else in addressing the issue and solving it, much less mentioning the fact that the coming apocalypse is not a distant event, it’s happening in a week. Diego sees Grace sewing through her hand and turns her off without further discussion with the family. Allison’s entire power revolves around making decisions for and manipulating people into doing what she wants (ie, the Vanya incident which - again, I understand that she was four and didn’t know better and hell, maybe she forgot about it until Vanya brought it up, but aside from that, while she is trying to get better about it by not using her power anymore and that’s wonderful character development and I am by no means trying to undermine that, the point remains that she has the same capacity for manipulation and forceful decision making as any of the others.) About the only people who don’t and seemingly never have routinely taken the decisions of others away from them because ‘they know better’ are Ben (who is dead), Vanya (who thinks she’s ordinary until the end of the series), and Klaus (who nobody would listen to anyway because they view him as a junkie and he’s rarely in a state of mind to even make his own decisions). Even Pogo gets in on this by keeping all of Reginald’s secrets instead of being forthright and saying anything! Everybody in the Academy is really bad at decision making and constantly tries to tell the others how much they can or can’t handle.

Argument #4: Luther is self-absorbed and idolises their father too much to be a functional human being/is too busy pouting about their dad at the end of the series to be useful.

Luther Hargreeves is every bit as traumatised as each and every one of his siblings. He shows it very differently, though. Let’s look at it this way: Luther believed in their father until the day the old man died. He was with their father well past the others having left, leading to the incident where he almost died because he was trying to solo a mission that was impossible to solo. The others had years upon years upon years (in at least Five’s case, literal decades) to distance themselves from the trauma of their life and figure out a way to work through it and accept how awful their father was. Vanya wrote a book to get through it. Allison left it behind and didn’t look back. Klaus got into drugs. Diego became a vigilante. They all saw this mess and they left it, but we don’t know what that looked like in the moment, what even finally prompted them to officially give up. I’ve seen some hints that it was Ben’s death, which makes sense for some of it, but on the other hand whether it was Ben’s death that inspired the exodus or not, the fact remains that we don’t know what the other Academy members were like when they first left. Maybe Allison stopped talking to anyone for a while. Maybe Klaus just didn’t come home some time and three months later someone tried to bring him home and Klaus told them to fuck off. We don’t know.

When we see the Academy at the start of the series, it’s the first time any of them have seen each other in ages, and they are all still very screwed up and struggling to recover from their life and are incredibly dysfunctional as humans in general, never mind the undoubtedly complicated feelings they must have been going through about the entire situation of their Dad being dead now. For Luther, he actively still cared about their Dad and hadn’t left. He didn’t have that curtain of time to take the edge off of the loss, and then a week later he found out that it was all for nothing and Reginald Hargreeves was every bit the bastard his siblings had always claimed he was.

This puts Luther at a very, very different point in his progression of grief than the others are at. They’ve had time to adjust to the idea of their father being awful, but for Luther it is a fresh revelation that he absolutely cannot ignore anymore, and unlike the others, he doesn’t even have the option to bring it up to their father and get any kind of answers, because Reginald Hargreeves is dead. His claims that he wasn’t going to lead anymore, his running off to the rave to get high and get distracted, those are all probably similar things that the others went through when they hit that eureka moment about how much of a prick Reginald Hargreeves was. He’s grieving a lot of things, and he has an excuse to not be okay with everything.

Argument #5: Well, that’s Luther’s fault! He was a grown-up when he got sent to the moon. If the others left, so could he!

Here’s the thing: the kind of abuse the Hargreeves children went through has some serious impacts on a kid’s psychology. Speaking from research and experience here, when you have a parent that tells you you’re special, that you’re Number One, that you’re Important, you want to believe them. When it’s a parent like Reggie who shows no emotions and is unfailingly awful to his kids ‘for the greater good’, that only increases. Put yourself in Luther’s shoes for a moment here. His siblings, one by one, had left. He’s the only one his father still has. He’s Number One. He’s been told they’re saving the world. If he doesn’t stay and bear the load, what happens then? Who saves the world if all the heroes have left? He’s supposed to be the leader, and if the ones he’s supposed to be leading have left, well. That just means more effort is needed out of him.

When you want to believe that somebody has your best interest in mind, that they love you, you will make excuses for them. Everybody constantly will tell you that your parents love you and want what’s best for you, and if you truly believe that, you will make excuses for their behaviour, especially in situations like this. That’s why this kind of abuse is so awful: it puts the blame on the victim. Luther truly believed that there was a purpose to everything Reginald did, that making him Number One and pushing them to their limits had a reason, because your parents are supposed to be the ones you can trust and when they tell you something is for your own good as a kid, you adjust your worldview to reflect that perspective. It is hard as hell to break free from that.

The others managed to get out. They managed to see Reginald for what he was, and they left because they knew it wasn’t getting better. Luther couldn’t see that until the very end of the series, and he went down believing that everything their father did was done with the best of intentions because That’s What Leaders Do. They aren’t nice, they make the hard decisions nobody else wants to make. And that’s what Luther took away from everything: that he had to make the hard decisions to keep his family safe.

Argument #6: That doesn’t excuse him locking up Vanya!

No, it doesn’t. Locking up Vanya was a horrible choice. It was cruel, and terrible,  and exactly the sort of thing Reginald would have done. It was also not done to be vindictive or vengeful. It was done because he thought that was what he needed to do to keep the rest of his family safe. Keep in mind, when Luther sees Vanya for the first time, he has just found out she almost killed Allison losing control of her powers. When he chokes her out and locks her up, he is apologising the whole time because he genuinely is sorry. This is not him being vengeful, this is him making hard decisions because he thinks that’s what Number Ones are supposed to do. It is not a good decision, but it’s the only one that comes to mind for him in order to keep people safe when he already has a LOT on his mind (such as: Vanya having powers, Allison almost dying, the rave, the revelation that Reginald was in fact every bit the douchecanoe his siblings always said he was... Not exactly conducive for clear thinking, no?)

Argument #7: But he didn’t let her out when the others gave him other ideas either!

No, he didn’t. No, that wasn’t okay. Yes, that was awful. But again, he didn’t do it because he thought Vanya needed to sit where she was and think about what she’d done. He did it because he thought that this was safer. The others were suggesting they let Vanya out, but nobody made any suggestions on how to keep them all safe afterwards. At the time, Allison could barely move and had almost died. They were all emotionally screwed up. From his perspective, they were all either missing or at low power, and Vanya was freaking out in the cage - you know, kinda like how she was freaking out when she almost killed Allison? That said, I am ABSOLUTELY not blaming Vanya. I would freak the fuck out if I was locked in a cage too, especially if it was done by my brother who I thought I could trust and wanted to believe in. But while this was a fucking stupid and awful and horrible decision to make, I would like to return to my former point: if nobody else agreed with it, why was Allison the only one who even tried to do anything about Vanya being locked up?

Argument #8: But Luther caused the apocalpyse! He made Vanya the White Violin!

No. Like Five said, Vanya is the bomb. Leonard was the fuse. But there were a whole lot of other things that lit the match. If Luther had been the only person Vanya was mad at and the only one responsible for her situation, she would have only killed him. Instead, she wrecked the entire Academy and went for everyone outside of Allison. Let’s look at this in review:

- Allison Rumoured Vanya into thinking she was powerless as a kid. Granted, she has apologised for this and has been trying to be a better sister to Vanya. Hence, Vanya doesn’t intentionally attack her.

- Luther locked up Vanya and told her she was too dangerous to be let out. The only person Vanya actively saw trying to free her was Allison. Nobody else came back.

- Pogo lied to every one of the kids for Reginald Hargreeves. He kept his secrets, he perpetuated his lies. He knew about Vanya’s powers, and Allison’s role in hiding them, and he kept it to himself even when he knew better and didn’t reveal anything until it seemed like ‘a good time’, despite KNOWING how deeply the siblings trusted him over their father.

- Klaus threw away the contents of the box to go pawn it all, meaning that Leonard got hold of the book he used to train Vanya and screw her over.

- Leonard found Vanya, manipulated her, lied to her, and used her to enact his revenge fantasy against the Umbrella Academy and Reginald Hargreeves and all those other ‘Extraordinary People’ who made him feel like he was nothing, leading to Vanya feeling used and betrayed by the first person she has ever thought actually loved her for being herself, ordinary and all.

- Diego missed no opportunity to tell Vanya how little he valued her opinion or her presence, particularly in the first half of the season. At every given chance, he made sure to make jabs about her making a sequel, about how she didn’t get a vote until he decided her vote was useful. He loves her, yes, but he did not ever make her feel any more welcomed than the others did, and he certainly didn’t include her in the rest of their reindeer games as kids, either.

- Five, as stated, knew the apocalypse was coming. Rather than warning his siblings and trying to get them to come together to stop things, he spent the first several days trying to handle everything on his own, leaving a trail of corpses and problems in his wake while he tried to discover the owner of the eye and killed the assassins after him and then got shitfaced drunk when he hit a dead end and didn’t tell anyone what he saw until three days before the fact because he kept trying to handle it on his own and nobody else would understand.

Most importantly, above all others, there is Reginald.

Reginald Hargreeves was an absolute bastard. He abused his kids physically and emotionally. He neglected every one of them. He set them to fight each other, he set them up to go into situations which they were unprepared for, he set them up for ruin because ‘it was for the greater good’ and was never emotionally available to coax them through anything. He screwed over every single one of the kids, he was the mastermind behind Vanya being lied to and put on her medications and having her powers suppressed, he intentionally isolated her and made her feel worthless, he let nobody tell his secrets, and he was never straightforward or understanding or even marginally remorseful about any one thing he ever did in his life. He took seven kids and threw them in a house together and raised them to be extraordinary by his standards at the cost of their sanity and their emotional stability. He told them to be a team, and he made them each other’s enemies. That’s why the series starts with almost none of them being able to talk to each other, no connections between them, and all the other nuances of them being dead, addicted, disgraced, imprisoned, or otherwise isolated. These traumatised kids all grew up to be traumatised adults, and he is the reason.

The only person who is completely innocent of blame in terms of the apocalypse is Ben, because he was too dead to do anything about it. Even then, he did all he could - saving Diego, trying to get Klaus sobered up, fighting the guys at the theatre - but in the end, all of the siblings were too fucked up to work together and be an effective team. They all had a hand in what happened.

Now Luther is not a perfect person. He makes some stupid decisions. He makes some absolutely idiotic, cruel, inexcusable choices. But he is not an irredeemable person. He is in a different stage of his life and grieving journey than the others, and he is still reeling from trying to figure out who he is outside of the identity he was assigned as Number One. That doesn’t excuse his actions, but I’d say it makes them make a lot more sense. The apocalypse happened because Reginald Hargreeves screwed up seven superpowered kids and called it child-rearing, and now those kids are trying to fix the problem by going back to the start and rewriting the story. It didn’t happen just because Luther locked up Vanya and was grieving their dad.

[kattloaf]

Arrival (Dinner Party pt. 1)

Kat arrived at her destination, curiously enough, by carriage. Drawn by horses, no less. Arriving at the small town that nestled itself along the river delta pouring into the Bounty, it had been almost suspiciously easy to arrange for transportation. The town was scarcely more than a fishing village, if she were to be tactless. A slice of kitsch if euphemistic. Though, her consensus concluded, if the owners of the manse that sat above the coastal valley held events often, it would be sensible business to offer such. And with having such a manor with important personages visiting, the town had prospered as well, if out of Imperial necessity. There was an airship dock at the edge of town now, made in the style that only Garlean utilitarianism could embody. 

We’re wasting time dwelling on this.

No we aren’t, it could be relevant if we need to escape, or if Marius has to snag us.

Because we trust him enough to rely on that.

Yes. We do. 

Banishing her thoughts, Kat turned her attention to the sprawling property her carriage was now entering.The ground well-kept, the road leading to it made of Garlean cermet with white stone walls flanking it. Hedgerows and canopies of beautifully curated and tended trees stood sentinel over the road, the hues of a pleasant autumn gracing the leaves with vibrant reds, oranges, and yellows. Leaving the canopied archway to the estate, the next sight to greet Kat were expansive gardens flanking her approach. Each garden section -and they were clearly partitioned- was lush and verdant. The first two, one on each side, were filled with an untold variety of flora in every shade of the rainbow, and all those between. She even saw, in a small corner of one of the gardens, desert saffron. As the carriage continued, they passed by a pair of gardens that consisted solely of manicured hedgerows nearly ten fulms high. Reaching the midpoint of the two gardens, they passed beneath an arch draped in ivy and, amazingly, the same hedgerows.

Hedge mazes. Of course there are hedge mazes

We enjoy mazes. 

They’re too gameable. Just hug the right and you’ll escape eventually. 

Traps. All of them. 

As they exited the confinement of the hedge mazes that loomed on either side, Kat noticed something she should have much earlier: water. Each of the gardens was surrounded by a stone-lined moat, isolating them from one another. Rising in her seat, she peered over the edge of the stonework lining the road, finding a similar moat separating her from the gardens. Certainly, this made watering the plants more feasible, assuming they didn’t have some more automated methods. To join the gardens, she noted, there were bridges of that same white stone, the railings and stone posts having decorative carvings in them. Save for the hedge maze, all the gardens had these stone railings at their edge, lest someone stumble into the channels of water surrounding. With the third set of gardens, which were more sparsely flowered and featured a trimmed lawn and fountains, they passed a tower-like gatehouse, the guards manning it wearing the local style of Garlean livery. 

And so, Kat passed into what could be the coeurl’s den. The third gardens angled outward and around the edges of a large, cermet and stonework rotunda, one made for allowing the carriages and vehicles of guests to arrive, disembark their passengers, then head for a small branching road she’d passed that undoubtedly led to stables and garages.

The manor itself was, compared to the looming grandeur of some she’d seen, fairly narrow in presentation.This was, however, something of a false presentation. The manor was quite sizable, as she’d seen on approach. It’s architect, clearly the daring sort, had constructed it to span the river that fed the town below. Sitting across one final bridge -that appeared retractable by some magitek device- the building was of indeterminate styling, bearing elements of gothic architecture and that of a more ‘recent’ style. Of course, recent was relative, but it was a fairly prevalent blending in the region, as Kat had noticed. This was far from the only richly-designed building in the region, though perhaps one of the most striking. A prominent balcony sat above the entryway, its support being a solid stone working of artfully engraved architecture. Two round towers stood at either end of its front facing, small, rectangular windows set in them on each of the three floors as they stood watch over the larger, more grand windows at their flanks. 

Sitting at the crown of the second floor windows, separating it from the steeply angled roof, was a stone division of the most graceful sort. Engraved and molded images of chocobos and horses running outward toward the towers, some with rider others without were there. Positioned nearer to the entry was a magnificently carved scene of men and women enjoying a ball or gala of some fashion. And, in the very center, and in a markedly more recently-added panel, was the symbol of the Garlean Empire. One had to be clear, in the event the banners that hung between each set of windows was not clear enough of representation.

The banners, admittedly, were of their own coloration to denote the province as well as to appeal to local sensibilities, but they were still Garlean. 

The carriage drew to a stop, and one of the attendants, who were in a decidedly less nationalistic attire, opened the door for Kat. Exiting delicately, she put on her ‘face.’ She’d thought long and hard as a consensus while selecting which face she should don.The presentation one gave to others at formal events was important. For such reasons, she had reached, by consensus, to go as herself. Mostly. Certainly she was going to play the charming, intelligent socialite, that much was a given; but there was no viable personality to adopt that would benefit her here. Perhaps that is what they wanted, to remove her from affectation, from masquerade. 

As her carriage rolled off to the stable another attendant  -a miqo’te woman- guided Kat across the bridge to the entry. Her invitation in hand, Kat and the miqo’te came to a halt at the door. 

“Your invitation, madam?” HIs voice was polite, but firm. His grey, nearly-white hair and generous, but altogether too formal, smile did little to endear him to Kat, but no servant of station achieved their position without learning how to play the game of politics.

Returning the smile to the man, Kat offered her invitation over. After a cursory examination of it, the man bowed his head in understanding before giving a nod to the miqo’te woman. At that, the woman turned on a heel to return whence she had come.“Master Alfius will be most pleased that you accepted his invitation. Lady Alfius as well, no doubt. If you would follow me.” Gesturing broadly to the interior with a sweep of his arm, he ushered Kat into the estate. 

“Master Alfius was concerned that given the current… diplomatic situation you might be disinclined to attend.” Their steps echoed off a hypnotically tiled floor laid with white and black marble tiles in a checkerboard. The walls were a stark, but not uncompromising, white, with broad, tall archways that bore doors to other chambers. At the far end of the entry hall resided a large set of double doors of a rich, deep wood, lacquered to a shine. No doubt those were to a grander hall. Providing an even, unwavering light were magitek lights set into more antiquated chandeliers of a dark metal. 

 “It was no small feat by which the Lord and Lady were able to send such an invitation. It took some time to find a courier who was willing to travel so far… abroad.” The subtle hint of condescension in his voice at the word ‘abroad’ was almost palpable. One didn’t have to be Garlean proper to feel superior to others, after all. Reaching one of those archways leading aside, the manservant turned to face Kat, his hand at the door knob. “But here you are, much to our delight.” Still smiling his professional smile with nary a trace of the prior condescension, he opened the door, stepping in to announce his charge.

“My Lord and Lady,” the head servant announced in an assertive, but not overbearing voice, “may I present to you Lady Kattyne Aeris of Eorzea.” The older man stepped aside, letting Kat stride into the room with practiced, courtly gait. Put simply, the interior of the room was so very unlike the entry hall. Her footfalls softened as she stepped onto a lush, red carpet. Where white had been the dominant color there, here it was the burnt sienna of wooden paneling, gold filigree adorning each section. No small number of paintings in ornate frames rested on those walls, with a grand, white and gold-decorated fireplace in the middle of the wall to her right. At the far end of the room were a set of windows astride a pair of double doors leading to a balcony, rich red curtains tucked neatly at each side for privacy when desired. The centerpiece of the room was a grand piano, its lid closed. On either side were assortments of small tables of intricate design accompanying chairs and sofas of a devilishly comfortable look. 

More important than the decor, more notable than the gold filigree, or the opulence of comfort presented, were the two occupants of the room. Situated at one of the couches were a man and a woman, the man standing and the woman seated primly. The man was fairly tall, easily six fulms and several ilms at a guess. He had sharp features that were only just barely dulled by age, offset by the sharp, but not harsh, severity of his crystal blue eyes. Clean shaven, his hair was dark, save where it had been salted and greyed at the fringes and near his temples. He was built strong, but not bulky, shoulders broad without being ungainly. All accounted, he was the sort of man who looked suited both to the life presented now and a life of honest work. Naturally, the well-tailored tailcoat and red vest he wore precluded the ‘honest work’ notion. 

The woman, who rose as Kat entered, was different, but by the same token similar. She, too, had sharper features that had been smoothed slightly with age, and eyes that were clear and sharp with intellect. But where the man was built of very equal proportions, she was more slender, teetering on willowy. The fluid motion with which she rose implied a natural grace to her, that of someone familiar and comfortable with their body. She stood tall as well, perhaps an ilm or two shorter than the man, and her hair of spun golden silk sat neatly tucked into a bun. Her eyes were of a paler, less vibrant blue, hints of grey creeping in to incite uncertainty of hue. Her dress was of a regal purple, its skirt billowing out to a proper, but not overly voluminous width.  

There was something about her, Kat noted as she approached a more reasonable distance for conversation. Something maddeningly intangible, like the shadow that flees as you look at it. The something that, the harder you look at it, the less visible it becomes. Nothing magic, Kat was certain, but it was still something. Or, perhaps, it was just the undercurrent of anxiety coupled with the awkward silence that briefly fell between them. It was quick, and even more quickly concealed, but a ripple of shock flashed briefly over the both of them as they studied her, the woman more notably. 

They know something.

I concur, but what, precisely?

They were expecting us, we know. Are they surprised at no company? 

She looks like us. 

K-One, the latter voice, was quieter than the others, more emotional. Of course, that was the aspect she had chosen at their onset. Her errant minds refocused on the present in the blink of an eye, if not quicker. The glories of the speed at which thoughts process. The man was about to speak, too. Good. If the silence dragged on it would truly become awkward. 

“Welcome! Welcome. We are… so very glad you accepted our invitation. Knowing the current lack of diplomacy between nations, we both knew it was a tenuous prospect at best, but all the same, welcome!” 

As the man drew close, with the woman a step behind him, Kat paused, putting on a somewhat bashful smile. “You’ll have to forgive me, I am… not entirely certain of the local customs regarding greetings. It’s something so small, yet bears so much significance and, quite frankly, variation depending where you are.” She knew. She’d done her research. But presenting a less worldly persona was likely her best avenue of proceeding. For now.

Thankfully, the man laughed, nodding. “I understand completely.” He glanced to the woman briefly, who offered a small, encouraging smile as he continued. “Were it not for my aides who are more… well-versed in regional customs, I am quite certain I would make a grand fool of myself those times I find myself visiting a new land. All the same, I am Tidus het Alfius and this is my wife, Kamila..”

At this, the woman stepped forward, offering a hand, which Kat took in a polite shake. “A pleasure to finally meet you.” Her voice was pleasant and cordial in a manner befitting the situation. More akin to how Kat conducted herself, really. She was practiced in the art of social maneuvering, and maintained some measure of control. 

“The pleasure is mine.” Kat replied, smiling warmly to them both. “I will be candid in saying that I was, frankly, shocked at receiving an invitation such as yours. Forgetting the politics that would cast a shadow over it, I had no real notion that any would see fit to bestow such an honor to one such as  me. It was a… welcome surprise.” 

The woman -Kamila- was first to respond, radiating an at-ease charm that implied she felt she had that much-sought control of the situation. “Well when we saw the wonders you worked with the Majestic Imperial Theater Company, it was only natural that we should do so. Despite their… recent departure from the Empire proper, they are a most talented group, and to see their performances so marvelously complemented was a grand spectacle to behold.” 

At this Tidus chimed in, nodding his assent with Kamila’s opinion. “Quite so. It was not the first performance of theirs we have seen, but it was,” he looked to Kamila, hesitating incrementally as he spoke and, with a nod, gained her agreement to his view, “definitely… the best we have seen. And since it would be more… difficult to honor the entire Company at this time, what better than to honor you for your great part in it? Ah, but where are my manners? Come, we’ve some time yet before the other guests arrive, let us show you the estate.” 

At that, Kat tensed. Others? It was only sensible, but she had been quietly hoping it was a more personal affair. That or a bald-faced trap. She could work with those. An actual dinner party proper, while not something she was unaccustomed to, not something she was looking forward to. Not with the politics at play, much less the fact she’d actively murdered at least a good dozen Imperial subjects of varying statuses. 

Tonight was going to be… interesting.

[tkmedia]

South African rugby caught between a rock and a hard place

11:48pm, 28 September 2021 South African rugby is very much caught between a rock and a hard place.ADVERTISEMENTFive professional teams took to the field over the weekend and just one emerged victorious.In Australia, the Springboks came up against an All Blacks side that put out their worst performance of the year – the worst of Ian Foster’s tenure – and the world champions still fell to defeat for the third time in as many weeks.

Jordie Barrett was the top performer in the All Blacks’ nail-biting win over the Springboks.

Jordie Barrett was the top performer in the All Blacks’ nail-biting win over the Springboks.Over in Europe, three of South Africa’s four United Rugby Championship sides came out empty-handed against European opposition in the inaugural weekend of the new competition with just the Lions tasting victory – over Zebre, who have finished bottom in six of their eight PRO Rugby seasons to date.The URC, when unveiled, was trumpeted as a new era for European rugby. The press releases widely gloated of how the competition would not overlap with the Six Nations or other test windows – because the fans wanted to see their teams at their best throughout the season.Of course, one quarter of the 16 sides aren’t tied to the Six Nations. With the Springboks still playing in the Rugby Championship, the South African URC competitors are playing with one hand tied behind their back, despite their inclusion being touted as one of the major coups for the league.While it’s not quite on the same level as hosting a photoshoot with only three-quarters of your participating sides in attendance, it’s certainly not the greatest way to welcome a new nation into your midst.ADVERTISEMENTWhile the Bulls of 2007 or the Lions of 2017 may be able to cope without their top players available, such was their depth, those days are long gone. It’s not just the top-tier of players that have left South Africa’s shores to understandably seek greater earnings elsewhere, it’s the second, third and fourth tiers of players that have realised there pros of shifting away from the Republic far outweigh the cons.There’s a handy smattering on non-Springboks propping up other URC sides at present and in all likelihood, those numbers are likely to rise thanks to the new competition which, in due time, will see South African nationals given a free trip home every season when their adopted squad travel back to South Africa to take on the local teams.But, for the here and now, the only saving grace for the likes of Stormers and Sharks is that bar the odd exception, the URC teams scattered throughout Ireland, Scotland, Wales and Italy all have their own struggles."This year the Springboks have adopted a playing style that is foreign to themselves." – @bensmithrugby on why this current game plan by South Africa isn't 'DNA' and never was. #NZLvRSA #RSAvNZL #RugbyChampionship https://t.co/71ayuUyZUv— RugbyPass (@RugbyPass) September 28, 2021ADVERTISEMENTUnfortunately, the biggest gripe with the PRO14, or the PRO12 before it, wasn’t that there weren’t enough middle-of-the-range sides, it was that there were few teams who could challenge the likes of Leinster and Munster, even when they chose to rest their top internationals.Eight of the past 20 seasons have seen Leinster crowned champions, with Munster, Ulster and Connact amassing five further titles between them.Had those superb South African Super Rugby sides of yesteryear joined the Celtic nations (and Italy) to form the URC, the competition would potentially be competing for the title of best in the world – but no matter the slick coat of paint the tournament has received, you can’t polish a turd.While it’s difficult to envisage a situation where the lesser sides rise to meet those in the top echelon – although Benetton had admittedly done a mighty fine job over the past few seasons to finally give Italy some hope of silverware – the situation can’t get any easier for South Africa unless something major changes.While the Bulls and Sharks were getting put to the sword by Leinster and Munster, the Springboks were halfway across the world playing perhaps their least expansive game of all time.The Springboks are a top five international side. Their abilities were unfairly pumped up by the media following their World Cup win in 2019 and there’s been criticism dished out to them by the very same media for the side not living up to their lofty expectations since they came crashing back down to Earth against the Wallabies, but they’re still a team with enough talent in their ranks to challenge the best in the business, wherever they sit amongst that highest tier.But they’re using a strategy that’s best described as rugby’s equivalent of parking the bus in football.When a minnow fights their way into a Football World Cup and comes up against a titan of the sport, like Germany or Spain, parking the bus is a legitimate strategy. You know there’s no way you can compete and it’s admirable to come within a whisker of besting your opposition (or going one better), no matter how you achieve that success.But if Portugal or Uruguay, with the talents of Cristiano Ronaldo and Luis Suarez, were to play an all-out defensive game, their fans – and fans of the sport in general – would rightly be up in arms.With devastating backs at their disposal like Makazola Mapimpi, Damian de Allende and Willie le Roux, the Springboks have the firepower to win and win well without resorting to the dire tactics that they’re currently employing."We had an internal look at that breakdown…" #Springboks #RugbyChampionship #TRC2021 #RSAvNZLhttps://t.co/XNxbsTVWoh— RugbyPass (@RugbyPass) September 28, 2021Unlike a football minnow defying the odds, there’s nothing admirable about the World Champions coming close to beating their opposition – they should be hugely frustrated with any loss, no matter the circumstances.Against a better-performing All Blacks side – like the one we’ve seen most weekends throughout the test season – the Springboks would have been cut to ribbons. And while NZ made a huge number of errors on Saturday (some of which were absolutely the product of the pressure applied by their opposition), you suspect they won’t be quite as terrible in the upcoming fixture. Looking at the Springboks, however, are there any areas where they can seriously improve, except for completely flipping their game plan?Their strangling strategy might work against some of the Northern Hemisphere sides when they go through their seasonal lulls and revert to relatively kick-heavy rugby, but against teams willing to play expansively – which is basically every top international side at present, regardless of what hemisphere you look to – it’s destined to fail.A move to the Six Nations would at least allow their United Rugby Championship sides to play with their full contingent throughout the season, but in the swamps of European winters, the Springboks’ rugby would shift even further towards the ‘kick and hope’ strategy they’re currently content to employ.The Springboks, at their best, bring something different to the Rugby Championship. They’re physical, they’re aggressive, they do tend towards slightly more forward-oriented play, but they’re also not afraid to call on their dangerous talents out wide. Bryan Habana, playing in the current Springboks side, would not have had his name etched in history as one of the greatest wings of all time.The Springboks aren’t at their best, at present, and unless there’s a mindset change, they likely never will be.South African fans – and the rugby world in general – are being robbed of top quality South African rugby, whether it’s at test level or in the club game, and with the nation partially in the Northern Hemisphere camp and partially in the Southern, it’s hard to see a situation where we’ll ever see the country as a whole back to its best.

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[ghxstee]

Day one;

The best place to start I suppose, set the scene for my current life. Currently, I live in an apartment with my significant other and my roommate, as well as four cats. It’s a fuckton of cats, I’m not going to lie. However, I’ve learned to love and appreciate each and every one of them. Starting out I should admit that I am partially a crazy cat lady.

I never anticipated on having four cats, it just happened. My boyfriend had two cats and I had two cats. And neither of us were about to give up our babies. For the sake of anonymity, we shall call him Liebe. German for “Love”.

Anyways, our relationship started out rough. I was in the tail end of a relationship I had no desire to be in, but struggled to admit to myself when I met Liebe. I had seen him around the place that we worked often. All the time actually. I couldn’t help but notice as I felt an instintaneous attraction that I can only explain as love at first sight. As lame as that sounds, I truly do believe it and admittedly one part of me eats shit like that up and the other part of me is extremely skeptical. But I think that’s due to my own jaded perception of love after the first handful of relationships I had gone through.

I saw Liebe around work, and for the sake of the story let’s say we worked at a Sadness Factory. Everything about that job made me feel quite hopeless.

Liebe was always around the Sadness Factory it seemed pretty similarly to the same schedule I happened to be there. I would see him regularly and the days I didn’t, I noticed. However, a part of me felt truly guilty as I found him to be completely stunning and felt an unnatural draw to him the moment I saw him, all the while being in a relationship. We will refer to my ex as, Control. And as I continue to explain my story, you will understand why.

I never confronted Liebe when I would see him. To be honest, I was really unsure of how to act because I had never faced an attraction like the one I had to him. The entire situation seemed terrifying and like the perfect opportunity to make myself look like a complete fool.

And holy shit, let me tell you how right I was about that.

Besides, I was in a relationship already and I felt whatever form of relationship that blossomed between Liebe and I, would be inappropriate and disrespectful to the one I was currently in.

One day after work, being the perfect little worker bee I am, I went up to my bosses desk to check on how well I was performing at the Sadness Factory. I needed to make sure I was keeping my job happy, even if it wasn’t really keeping me happy.

My former boss and I were also particularly close and she was a wonderful human, and sitting and talking with her was always a pleasure. So I sat at her desk and shot the shit for a bit, before Liebe showed up at her desk. My internal panic set in.

I was faced with this situation where this guy I already had some inappropriate draw to was standing right in front of me. He discussed a few things with my former overlord and she got up to leave shortly after. Leaving me. With Liebe. Alone to make awkward conversation, that I was absolutely terrified of initiating in the first place based off the mere fact the situation at hand was completely foreign territory for me.

He was sweet, quiet, slightly reserved, and shy. Admittedly it was really hard to just try and act natural. Although those words became my mantra in the first five seconds of being presented with this situation.

Act natural. Act natural. Act natural.

And then the words and concept became foreign to me all in one breath. I was faced with this absolute cutie, hazel eyes. Thick rimmed glasses, a full beard. A few inches taller than me, standing at 5’9. High cheek bones, narrow nose, and three facial piercings. A face I truly wanted to spend hours studying, wondering if I would ever catch a flaw in it. A full sleeve, and his other arm being slightly lesser full of tattoos. In my frenzy of being overwhelmed by how taken I was by this stranger, I lost my mind completely. My brain was running in circles trying to make conversation. In my panic, I brought up the easiest possible thing to discuss. Tattoos! His tattoos! The saving grace to my conversation.

Nope. I was wrong. Terribly wrong.

In my panicked state, I reached down and grabbed his arm and exclaimed “Ooh tattoos!” Like a very observant five year old. That’s when the party really started and the real panic set in.

A quick piece of background, but I am very big on personal space. Particularly touching without consent. As a lot of my trauma is derived from being touched inappropriately, without my consent.

My eyes expanded to the size of plates, and my heart beat picked up rapidly.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to just touch you. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t typically invade someone’s space like that. Especially just because of tattoos because I know how annoying that is. I’m so sorry.”

Oh. I fucked this up for sure. Breaking into someone’s personal space like I had the right within five minutes of meeting them. And then the classic panic sorry. I was super fucked for sure. This guy probably thought I was weird, and there was 100% no way he was interested in me at that point.

He reassured me I was fine, and he was gentle and kind about it. I remember the small smile he gave me, and I remember how I still felt awkward and silly but I could tell that he truly wasn’t bothered. Which put me at a little more ease.

I still continued to make a fool out of myself throughout the rest of the conversation I’m sure, but I don’t really remember the rest of it. I remember pointing out my boyfriend who also worked at the Sadness Factory as to not give the wrong impression. To keep myself out of trouble and to avoid a potential fight later that evening with a Control. I was mostly stuck on the awkward interaction and the fact I completely blew any form of this guy thinking I was even remotely cool.

Which in itself felt problematic again, considering I was already in a relationship. So it shouldn’t have mattered that much.

It also shouldn’t have given me butterflies in my stomach when I received the friend request on Facebook shortly after.

Anyways, the main point of this post tonight is that I often end up upset with my significant other. Liebe gets on my nerves sometimes, not because he’s a bad guy. Not because he treats me poorly. Mostly due to my own extremely unreasonable expectations of the poor man. Tonight’s no exception. And lately it’s been more difficult to find the minimal patience I had to begin with, which is also no fault of Liebe’s.

Sometimes it just helps to remember those details of our relationship, and then think to where we are now. Things have gone so far and the beginning was so hard. And I will continue to disclose the details of our relationship throughout all of this, and how it’s continued. How it’s helped me grow. How I’ve watched him grow. How incredibly proud I am of this person. But nights like these I remember back to the beginning. I recap the entirety of our relationship, and I remind myself I am fortunate. Because I am. I’m a pain in the ass and this guy sticks through it all with me and helps me figure it out.

He apologizes. He works on himself. He compromises. He supports me. And most importantly I know he loves me at the end of the day. And if I were left with one person by my side, I know it would be him.