#and not be able to do anything about it ever because i'm useless
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having the kind of mental panic that not even Creating Art can fix. wuh oh
#muzz mumbles#what if it doesn't get better#what if things stay this way forever#or get even worse#what if i never get a house of my own#what if i'll be stuck in this bed for the rest of my life bc i can't work#or i can but nobody wants to hire a fucking cripple#what if i have to watch the people i care about get hurt again and again#and not be able to do anything about it ever because i'm useless#or part of the problem#what if the stuff i'm passionate about doesn't work out#what if my writing actually fucking sucks and i've just been wasting my life#and time and energy#what if i'm never truly happy again#i'm so fucking tired. i am exhausted
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I just can't believe that zero pain is the normal amount to be in
#i literally can not remember ever having no pain and it's entirely possible i have been in pain since before birth#usually it's just distracting and makes it so i can't do what i want/need to#but on worse days i can not stop thinking about the pain and i can barely get out of bed for food and such#i feel like such a lazy useless pile of steaming shit right now#i haven't even done anything particularly strenuous#like. sure i had a bad phase with migraines and not sleeping and then pmdd and menstrual hell and the hurricane#and mixed into that i might have pushed myself physically a few times#and if i were anyone else i would be advising the exhausted person to just let themselves rest a bit#but i can not stop thinking about everything that needs to be done#and how much worse other disabled people have it#and how my partner isn't able to rest because they're working overtime hurricane related shifts#and i can't get the voices of my family out of my head about how lazy disabled people are#(but then they'll also accuse people of faking disability if the disabled person pushes themselves)#i hate this and i hate myself and it's infuriating to keep trying to make myself more normal#but it doesn't work and i just keep ending up feeling even more exhausted when i try to start working out (yoga and squats and such)#if I'd had covid and was dealing with long covid I'd understand and maybe be more forgiving#but this started way before covid 19 (which i haven't had afaik) and only got worse after i had shingles#i am so angry and so sick of being exhausted all the time#... it's a bad fatigue and not great pain time and I'm emotional and so fucking frustrated
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And not that it's actually going to stop anyone from coming for me I guess, but like. Not voting in the US this election cycle because of your disgust at the handling of the Palestinian genocide by the US government isn't actually the Great Big Political Statement Of Solidarity you think it is
What it is, is apathy. No I'm not naïve enough to believe that voting blue absolves me of the crimes committed by my country on the word of a bunch of out of touch oligarchs. But not voting doesn't actually absolve us of any of that either, and it only materially makes things worse for everybody, locally and globally, when we allow our political apathy to keep us from Working Towards Better outcomes
#in other words don't listen to the Russian bots 2 electric boogaloo#if you live in a country with elections please vote#there's caveats to this sentence but like safely 98% of my audience lives in North or South America somewhere#and there's a really really high percentage of countries with (arguably fair and free) elections and like#if you live in the non global South i frankly think you have a responsibility to vote at a care fucking minimum and especially in the US#I'm not gonna be able to make this brief and concise#just#fuck man if someone is busy telling you that voting is useless they have an agenda and not voting plays into that agenda#do you really want to enact someone else's unnamed and potentially awful agenda all because you're in your feelings about voting#I'm in my feelings about voting but that doesn't mean i stop doing it#it means i do more like calling and emailing representatives when i can and putting money and time where i believe it belongs#when i can afford the energy for the other#it's creating a culture of mutual aid in my friend circles#and curating a world where voting is simply one task like when you have to pay your registration#it's a part of the process of being an adult with autonomous thought but it's never where we Finish actually#it's the beginning of the conversation with the people that are supposed to 'represent' me#fuck my entire point is you're better off voting because at least then you've said your piece one way that isn't existential Twitter thread#and how many existential Twitter threads have changed anything ever anywhere?#I'd hazard to guess it's not very many
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.
#Howwwww is it 5am already I want to go home#I begged my parents and sibling to let me go home to my own bed and they wouldn't let me#I don't want to be the solution to our family problems I want to go be alone and not here#I understand me being around more would make our parents nicer and give my siblings someome sane to talk to#But I want to die and I don't want to be here and I don't care about any of these people#Once again them forcing me to go to their house made me miss an assignment. So that class is genuinely failed now.#It makes me so frustrated I could cry. Every time I say I'm doing school work#Or say I can't drop everything and drive forty minutes to their house. they laugh at me#They genuinely laugh and say I'm such a liar and I'm faking and there's no way I ever do any school work#I'm actually shaking I'm so frustrated they don't understand. That's how long it takes me.#Why can't they just realize I'm a dumbass fucking idiot. I'm so fucking stupid#I'm literally so stupid. Intellectually I'm a fucking idiot and I am so useless and slow.#Stop trying to believe I have potential to fucking waste#The fact is there is no potential but I'm fucking wasting anyway#I'm so. Dumb. When I say I'm doing school work I mean I looked at the tab and got nervous about how overdue#everything is and how I'm failing and everyone wants me to leave my safety for their own inane bullshit#I wouldn't be failing this class at all if I had been able to complete the first week on time#instead of like. sitting outside a convention center alone and in agony for Five (5) hours.#Kudos to the devil for creating the exact perfect circumstances to kill me in particular#I should reach out and go to a friend's house and it would be good for me. But.#There's no way I'm going to see or speak to anyone in this state of everything#Everyone else around me seems to have improved in mental health I'm not going to ruin that by making them let me come over#No one really believes any of the problems I have like even I don't. how are you that stupid. just stop having these problems.#I can't go to a friend's house when I have problems like this. Last time I had a breakdown and scared the fucking host and#their partner had to be the one to comfort me because I was crying too loud for autistic ears :(#I can't do that to anyone again#I'm not kidding when I say I'm a huge burden genuinely I exist to be upsetting and inconvenient and frustrating#I am literally the most selfish person to ever have existed. Just objectively. I don't care about anyone or anything at all.#I don't love my friends or my family and I don't care about what they want or need. truthfully.#I just want to sit in my tiny room where nothing changes and no one expects me to drive anywhere holy fucking shit it's 6am
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I don't feel goooood :(
#I've been really nauseous for like. over a week now#two weeks? what is time#but anyway. that and ive been having some like really deep thoughts about my mom since her surgery#and my dad keeps being a dick and I should be able to do more around the house#to help them out but I'm so fucking tired. and my back hurts. and I'm sad.#and the nausea. as before mentioned.#and I have a therapy appt on Thurs and a psychiatrist appt next week#and I haven't been doing any of the things I should#and I'm really upset about that because they're gonna be disappointed in me#it's all so embarrassing and shameful.#and I'm 23 and unemployed and I didn't finish college#and my rooms really messy but I don't ever have the energy to clean it#which is just making me feel even more useless and grubby and pathetic#and I'm fat and I'm never gonna be able to do anything about it#and my skin hurts all the time in eight different places#and today we went out to do something important but I forgot the papers#and then I was going to the wrong place and I missed like 3 turns in a row#I've been having a really fucking hard time lately#but it feels like I say that all the time. so.#whatever I'm sorry to rant#to show therapist
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do my sleep meds make my fucking time blindness worse
#i swap between different sleep aids just to make sure my tolerance levels to the meds don't rise too quickly#but the past two days ive been taking one that i haven't used in a Bit#and for the past two days the entire night and day has passed in about 2 minutes#and my memory is worse than usual#and I'm way more fatigued#and i think it's the meds fault#but here's the thing: do i continue to put up with these symptoms and risk them getting Worse#or do i not take it and then just stop being able to sleep ever#like i think the sleep is more important considering if i don't take a sleep aid i will be awake for 48 hours straight#and then be unable to sleep more than three hours#and then my psychosis goes fucking hogwild because that Happens when you're severely sleep deprived#so i kind of HAVE to keep taking it#but then i just end up a useless tired blob in bed all day because my muscles won't move and my brain keeps shutting down#it's like. lesser of two evils yeah. but I'm still fucked.#and considering i went to a sleep doctor and she looked at my meds and said 'yea sorry this is the best we got'#and then sent me out the door with a 'sorry but we can't do anything for u :('#i can't even switch to anything else#so. great.#and i can't even use just over the counter melatonin bc my tolerance to that rises so fast I'd risk poisoning myself within a month#taking 4 or 5 melatonin each night isn't safe but any less and it just doesn't affect me at all
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selfish - frank castle x reader
hey y'all back in action with another porn no plot one shot
all i'm saying is,,, they knew who their target audience was with this (or are we just all mentally ill?)
summary: frank shows you what it means to be a real, selfish man.
informal warnings: frank is the selfish man in this, but I was the selfish woman writing this. couldn't get this out of my head as I started season two of the punisher, and frankly (haha get it -- sorry) after this scene you wouldn't be able to either
as always, the actual warnings: vulnerable frank, #sadboihrs for both the reader and frank, smut, porn no plot, choking, dirty talk, and ROUGH frank
anyway... selfish:
“what’s your type?”
the million dollar question. the one that you had been troubling yourself over for years.
“my type?” you repeated, eyeing the man who asked you. “or my pattern?”
he tilted his head in curiosity. “both.”
you chuckled. “my pattern… well, they’re usually useless. man babies.”
it was his turn to chuckle. “you like taking care of them, yeah?”
you shrugged. “i love taking care of people, but not men that de-age into babies as time goes on. did you know a guy i dated asked me how to boil water once?”
“you’re joking,” he took a swig of his beer, eyeing you. “no way that’s true. made that up.”
“i wish,” you laughed, rubbing a hand over your face. “i’m also not making it up that i stayed with him two years after that.”
“sounds like your fault.”
you nodded. “the pattern made me realize what my real type is.”
“what?”
“it’s corny.”
“say it.”
a smirk attempted to appear on your lips, but you pushed it back down. “i don’t like selfless men.”
he let out a laugh in disbelief at that. “you and every other chick.”
you chuckled too. “i heard this an analogy once… if you’re falling over a cliff, would you want your person to save you? or someone else about to fall on another side of the cliff?”
he stopped talking then, listening intently.
you kept going. “obviously, i’d want the other person saved… but in my head, when i’m all alone and there’s no one that has to be saved… sometimes it’s nice to think that someone would be so selfish that they would save me over doing what’s right.”
“you could live with that though?” he asked, narrowing his eyes, a bit of judgement lacing his words.
you shrugged. “never been the person that was saved, so i’m really not sure. it’s not that i want to be saved or anything — that’s super fucking corny. but man, a fucking masculine man, putting you over other things? deciding that in that moment, you’re what matters to him? i spend all my days being selfless, putting myself in danger so other people are saved… and i’m tired.” you took a swig of your drink. “i’m really fucking tired.”
“why don’t you save yourself, then?”
“for the same reason you’re here,” you sighed. “when have we ever been selfish, frank?”
he laughed at that, but almost scoffed. “i don’t do anything i do for anyone but me.”
you swallowed then, clenching your jaw. “so many people have wronged you… but you’ve only done what you’ve done because of how people have wronged those you loved. hate to break it to you… but you’re as selfless as anyone could be.”
he folded his lips underneath his teeth and stared aimlessly off into the distance. there were bags under his dark eyes, and no amount of sleep or beer would ever take them away. the man would never know peace, and your heart broke at that. however, it was nice to know someone was going down the rabbit hole with you.
“i don’t think i’m selfless,” he finally spoke after a bit.
you raised an eyebrow at him, calling his bluff.
“i did the things i did because my family was what was most important to me,” he admitted. “that’s selfish.”
you swished his words around in your mouth a little, and decided he was right. the spin on your words made you nod, agreeing with him. “i see your point.”
“so, what?” he asked. “you want a man that would choose you over innocent people?”
you huffed, standing. “i know you know that i never said that. i’m saying that in the back of my mind, it would be nice, just once, for a selfish man to decide that i’m all he wanted. it would be nice to know that i don’t always have to carry the weight on only my shoulders.”
he didn’t say anything then, staying planted on his seat on the floor. he twisted the bottle in his hands and listened to you.
“if i’m being honest with myself…” you began, swallowing your heavy statement. “i would prefer if they saved the innocents, but only so i could die, as i probably would falling in that situation, with a clear conscience. all i’m saying is… it’s a heavy fucking burden always doing things so i don’t feel guilty.”
you walked away then, not muttering a goodbye. frank didn’t say anything either. you heard him raise the bottle to his lips once more before you shut your bedroom door behind you.
it would be an hour or so before you heard a gentle knock on your door. there was no yelling or screaming outside, so you were grateful to hear there was no imminent danger present. in your tiny pajamas, you answered the door to find none other than frank. he was leaning against a wall in the hallway that led to your door, only a couple feet from you.
he didn’t say anything when you came face to face with him. he just stared at you, placing all of his focus on your confused face. it would be a few moments of silence before he finally stepped closer to you, and placed a calloused hand on your face.
you froze. frank castle never touched you, especially in that way.
“wanna know my type?”
you stared at him and swallowed thickly. your lips parted to whisper, “sure.”
“an escape,” he whispered back. “i know what you meant by always having the dark cloud of duty hanging above your head, ready to kill any moment of peace you happen to get your damned hands on. i’ve done everything i’ve ever done for the people i loved, and i know the only way for me to experience any fuckin’ joy is with another person.”
his dark eyes held your gaze, and you soon grew lost in them and his words. you swiped your tongue across your lips and stepped closer. you could feel frank’s breath on your chin, but you couldn’t breathe. his scent, his stare, and his fucking words were more intoxicating than any alcohol you had before.
“you want an escape, frank?” you softly asked, eyes darting to his lips.
“i do,” he stated, before he lowered his head and kissed you.
his free hand immediately came up to the other side od your face and pressed against your cheek. there, he held you in the palms of his hands as you rested your hands on his thick, muscled chest. his lips were dry and cracked, but you didn’t care. the fire that brewed from his affection was enough to fill any of the cold, dark, and lonely places inside of you and you greedily drank from anything he offered.
“you want someone to want you, darlin’?” he asked in between kisses.
you hummed in agreement, not wanting to break apart your kiss for anything — even words.
“can’t get you out of my head, sweetheart,” he spoke, dipping his tongue into your mouth. “need to feel those long legs around me.”
you whimpered at his words, letting his tongue dance with yours. you could taste the heineken on his tongue and savored every bit. “please, frank… i need to feel you so badly.”
“i’ve got you, darlin’.” he picked you up by the backs of your thighs and you wrapped your legs around him. the pads of frank’s finger tips dug into your flesh and a warmth spread throughout you. “those fuckin’ legs.”
you would’ve giggled, but you were too consumed with the very touch of frank to even care. you pulled at his shirt and threw it over his head, sad to break the kiss for even a second. you immediately went to his neck and began to nip at the thick skin, causing a growl to rumble in the deepest parts of his rib cage.
“y’drive me fuckin’ crazy,” he grunted. “sweetest fuckin’ kisses.”
“oh, frank…” you moaned against his neck before he threw you onto the bed. you turned over onto your back to face him. he locked eyes with you as he stood over you, muscles naturally flexed as he undid his belt. your mouth watered at the sight of the fucking man before you, taking off his belt for only you. the way his shoulders, pectorals, and arms worked in the dim light of your room… that man would be the death of you. you hissed, “you’re such a tease.”
he smirked at that, throwing the belt somewhere in the distance. “think you’ve just never been with a real man before,” he replied, before engulfing you into another kiss.
frank’s hand dipped into your shorts and immediately went for your slit. your body fucking sang at finally being touched the way you needed to be as you arched your back into frank, his chest pressed against yours. when frank began to run rough circles around your clit, nothing could hold back your moans or him swallowing them whole.
“only took off my belt, and this is how wet you get?” he asked, biting down on your neck. his long, thick middle finger dipped inside of you as his thumb worked at your clit. he tapped against your upper wall and you keened into his touch, whimpering his name. “now i know it’s the men before me. barely doing a fuckin’ thing and i’ve got you like this.”
you nodded pathetically, just wanting him to continue. “it feels so good,” you gasped, bucking your hips into his hand. “please, please — don’t stop, frank.”
he leaned over and pressed his chest against yours before his lips found your neck once more. his kisses were wet and sloppy, and there was nothing better than feeling the weight of a strong man above you working at your needy pussy. his rough movements against your sensitive skin were sending you into a frenzy as if nothing mattered in the world besides frank — your world started and ended there. your body felt hot — steaming from everything this man was doing for you with barely any effort. your whimpers and gasps fueled frank’s movements as if he couldn’t get enough of them.
“such a good girl f’me,” he said before he bit down on your neck and kissed the spot. “y’get so worked up, i want to see what it’s like when you fall apart.”
“i’m so close, frank…” your voice was hoarse and full of lust, and you were about to break any moment.
“that’s it, baby, yeah,” he spoke, slipping a second finger inside of you. “cum all over these fingers baby. let me taste you after.”
“fuck, fuck, fuck —!”
your world came crashing down onto you. your strength was no match for frank’s, but with the way your back arched and body curled into him, your chests both rose off the bed. he wrapped a strong arm underneath the curve of your back as you fucking sobbed his name, holding you to him and supporting your weight.
“that’s it, darlin’,” he grunted against your ear. “yeah — that’s it. keep cumming for me, fuck…”
your hands grabbed at his thick biceps and you grew lost in his movements against the most sensitive parts of you that never ceased. your hips were rolling in circles with his fingers and your vision went hazy.
“so beautiful like this f’me,” he groaned. “might be mean and not let you stop.”
“fuck, frank,” you cried, whimpering for him. your body fell limp against his arm, and he lowered your bodies back down to the bed. during your comedown, frank kissed at your neck as his free hand ran up and down your body. his other hand continued to rub against your pussy and it was driving you fucking crazy. “let me ride you — please.”
your voice was full of desperation, and frank smirked down at you. he slipped his fingers out of you and rolled off of you onto the bed. you tugged his pants down to his thighs, not wanting to waste any time. you were so greedy, but he didn’t care. he smirked as he watched you pull down your tiny shorts. you straddled him, pressing his chest to yours, as you sank down onto his thick cock.
“my fucking god —“ you gasped, your pussy stretching around him.
frank immediately grabbed your throat and you sucked in a sharp breath at the sight. he placed the tips of his fingers in his mouth, and tasted your juices that remained on his skin. there you were, impaled on his cock, hovering over him as you watched the most sensual thing you had ever seen him do. his dark eyes were locked on yours, but your lips parted as you watched him taste you. only a smirk remained on his lips.
“sweetest fuckin’ pussy i’ve ever tasted,” he spoke. “now show me how she rides me.”
he roughly pushed you upwards so you stood up straight. the angle made a whimper leave your lips, as he was now fully inside of you and the deepest anyone has ever been. you planted a limp hand on his stomach, and began to roll your hips against his.
his calloused hands found your hips as he threw his head back against the bed. the tendons in his neck were on full display as he stretched his head back as far as he could. the pleasure he felt was spreading all throughout his body, and he couldn’t help but go taut at the feeling. you watched his mouth fall agape and his eyes close as a moan pushed passed his lips.
the pads of his fingers dug into your hips and pushed you forward and back. even his fingers were strong and had control over you, and you couldn’t help but willingly give everything over to him. your whines filled the room, getting lost in your own pleasure with him. there was nothing like the sight of being thrown into vulnerable pleasure with the man under you, succumbing to your touch.
“fuckin’ god —“ he moaned, raising his head back up to keep his eyes locked on where your bodies connected. “never felt so fuckin’ good.”
his hoarse voice caused you to move faster as you ground your hips against his. his hands were rough and desperate as they pulled you up, down, back and forth — until you didn’t know which way was anything. all you knew were the directions of frank’s hands, and you followed in suit as he dragged you down another road of ecstasy.
“greedy fuckin’ pussy,” he groaned. “never enough for her, huh? needs more, even after what i did?”
“yes, yes,” you whimpered pathetically. “your cock feels so good, frank. so fucking good.”
“yeah, darlin’, that’s it,” he grunted, brown scrunching together. “such a good fuckin’ girl f’me.”
“fuck, frank — don’t say that,” you cried loudly, biting your lip. “feels too good when you say that — i can’t cum yet.”
he immediately reached for your neck and pulled you down to him. you gasped at his rough touch, but your hips never stopped. he bent his knees so your ass could bounce off of them, giving you more leverage. his cock curled deeper into you, hitting your cervix.
“oh my — god —“ you sobbed so close to his lips.
“nah, baby, that’s not how this works — you’re gonna take everything fuckin’ i give you,” he grunted. “i know y’want to be a good girl f’me, yeah?”
“yeah, yeah, yes —“ you were incoherent at this point, ready to tell frank anything he wanted to hear as he bucked his hips into yours. “frank, i’m so close — how —“
“love a needy pussy like this,” he spoke, pulling you closer by the throat for a kiss. “you gonna be good to me? you gonna cum around my cock?”
“fuck, yes —“ you sobbed. “i want you to cum with me, baby, fill me up.”
that set him off. he rolled both of you over before you even knew what was happening. he had you pressed against the bed, hand still around your throat. you grabbed at his arm, loving having the feeling of his strong muscles hold you down. you wrapped your legs around his back as he threw his hips into you. over, and over, he drove himself inside you.
“dirty fuckin’ girl,” he growled, biting down on the skin of where your neck and shoulder met.
that was it. that was how you crumbled a second time for frank that evening.
you fucking wailed his name.
you grabbed at every part of him you could, struggling to hold on for dear life. your body shook with convulsions as your pussy tightened around him, locking his cock in place. nothing could stop his strong hips as they continued to rut into you — riding out your second orgasm of that evening.
you fell back against the bed, fucked out and gasping for air pathetically. frank pressed several kisses to your neck before he stood up on his knees, leaving your weak body below him. you pushed yourself to your elbows with whatever strength you could muster. frank grabbed you by the hips and you watched him slam his hips into yours.
you watched his forehead scrunch as his mouth fell agape. his chin was almost tucked to his neck as his eyes never left where his cock fucked into you.
“use me just like that, baby,” you cried. “i want your cum inside me.”
his strong, trim body went taut as his orgasm hit him, and you watched hungrily as the man before you fell vulnerable to the only pleasure he could allow himself these days. you watched as his conscious mind slipped further and further into the sensation until every ounce of stress and exhaustion left his face. you couldn’t help but bite your lip in pride and satisfaction — knowing that you will never see a more beautiful sight like frank castle using your body to get off.
you fucking loved selfish men.
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DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN NOW EVERYONE GO WATCH THIS SCENE -L xox
#the punisher#frank castle#frank castle x reader#frank castle x you#frank x reader#frank x you#he can punish me#lol#frank castle smut#frank smut#frank castle imagine#frank castle fit#frank fic#frank imagine#the punisher smut#the punisher fic#the punisher imagine
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Hey, Sea! I'm kinda crazy about your work and I'm always sooo happy when there are new posts from you. I love the way you write the characters, it's so delicate, sweet and just amazing! And truth be told, I came for sub!aemond, but now I'm so hooked up on sub!aegon
In one of your previous posts you said something that made my mind spiral: himbo!aegon. Now I just need to read something, anything about it, if it's not too much to ask
This is so funny to me because I too started writing for sub!aemond and then ended up hooked on sub!aegon so I'm glad to hear others are in the same position.
I have plenty of asks with Aegon angst, which is absolutely brilliant we all know I love torturing the lad, but I think this could be the perfect ask to actually have some happy Aegon? So there will be happy subby himbo!aegon below the cut! Oh and I've made himbo!aegon a tag so that we can discuss it more!
So firstly, very early in your marriage to Aegon you discover that he just functions better when he has instructions to follow? At first this confuses you so much because you've seen how angry and irritable he gets when Allicent orders him to do something, and yet when you do it he almost seems relieved?
It takes a long time for Aegon to talk to you about Allicent and about how she affects him, but eventually he explains that Allicent just has this way of speaking to him and instructing him that makes him feel inferior and stupid? She will purposefully insult him while giving him an order, breaking his confidence and self image down enough that he doesn't trust his own thinking.
But then with you, you're so sweet about it? You listen to him and you help him and you praise him when he does as you ask. You never, ever, make him feel useless or stupid and you always make sure to show him how proud you are of him.
So when you smile at him and ask him to do something, he doesn't even consider disobeying? He's almost giddy as he runs back to you to tell you that he's done as you asked. You always praise him and give him a kiss and him feel so so good, so of course he listens to you!!
His mother is wholly incapable of understanding this by the way.
Anyway, so you quickly realise that Aegon really does function better when you instruct him. You first realise this at your wedding when you ask him for something, and the way he absolutely BEAMED at you when you thanked him and said he was perfect? You immediately knew you'd have to look more into this.
Pretty soon you’ve got Aegon wrapped around your finger and honestly he is loving it. Aegon thrives on feeling owned? He absolutely loves being able to refer back to you for guidance, loves being able to slip onto your lap whenever you two are alone and nibble on your collarbone and ear while you explain what you think he should do. It’s the freely given affection that makes him feel so so special and allows him to let his walls down enough that being told what to do no longer feels insulting.
Of course this works in the bedroom too, but that you knew from day one. The moment you gave Aegon the smallest pushback, he relented and when you responded by taking charge, he was completely enamoured and never looked at another again. It’s like you just claimed him and he’s so so pleased with it.
For a while he tries to not seem as reliant on your guidance as he actually is because he’s scared you’ll see him as too weak if you knew the truth. He’ll ask your opinion on something in passing and try to act all nonchalant about it, but in truth he’s hanging onto your every word because he’s not sure what to do and he knows he can trust you.
Eventually when he realises that he can be more open about it and you’ll never tease him or patronise him, well then you pretty much rule the seven kingdoms. He puts you on his small council, and while you don’t always say much in the meetings, Aegon can tell by your expressions what you think of things and when you do speak, it’s always impactful.
The other members of the small council were originally uncertain about him adding you but after one meeting they were to glad he did. It’s like you’re able to perfectly toe the line between understanding Aegon and also understanding what the realm needs. Aegon doesn’t snap when you steer him in a different direction, so the small council is very very grateful (except Allicent but thats not exactly new or surprising).
Also, Aegon isn’t just a himbo because he’s obedient and pretty and little dumb, he also LOVES his wife. He’s considered to be the most in love king in history. The whole of the seven realms knows how much King Aegon loves his queen, and how important it is for them to get on your good side.
If Aegon had it his way, court would be held with you sitting on the iron thrown and him across your lap, his legs dangling over the side of the thrown. Of course you don’t allow this during court because he needs to maintain some semblance of control in front of the noble lords and ladies, but when everyone finally leaves then he jumps off the thrown, waits for you to sit down and gets back on the thrown, this time across your lap. You hold him and have a little debrief.
The first time you suggested a debrief, Aegon had rolled his eyes and refused. But your tone was firm, and you both knew he’d never tell you no when you spoke like that.
And now he absolutely loves the debriefs. Irrelevant of whether you were at court that day or not, Aegon always starts with telling you everything that happened and venting about whatever he needs to vent about. One of the many things Aegon loves about you is how you can joke with him? When he insults a member of court you respond with an even funnier insult. More than once you’ve had to grab him to stop him from falling off your lap from laughing too hard.
Then he gets to hear your thoughts on everything and he’s so so thankful that the two of you seem to just speak the same language? He always knows exactly what you’re doing about and why, you can just explain things in a way that he absolutely loves.
So yeah, himbo!aegon!!
#himbo!aegon#aegon targaryen x you#aegon targaryen smut#aegon targaryen imagine#aegon smut#aegon targaryen x reader#aegon the second#aegon x reader#king aegon#aegon ii targaryen#hotd aegon#house of the dragon#house of the dragon fanfiction#hotd
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Flufftober 2024 - 5 Alfie Solomons
There were accidents at the bakery, real accidents, not at all planned and which bothered Alfie a lot, because it disrupted production and some of his men could be injured.
Bur most of the time, it wasn't that serious. Y/N never heard about it if she wasn't there. Even if he didn't hide anything from her, her husband didn't see the point in worrying her unnecessarily.
It was obvious that there had been a small fire in the morning when Y/N arrived, but obviously nothing too serious, since the activity had not stopped.
However, she could read a certain fear in Ollie's eyes when she greeted him.
"Mrs. Solomons ! I didn't know you were coming today !"
"Normally I was not, but I was bored and Alfie forgot his scarf again."
"I… I can take it to him, Madam ! He wouldn't want you to bother over such a small thing !"
"I don't mind." Y/N said suspiciously. "I'm already here anyway."
"Yes, but… The boss is out !"
"Ismael told me he was here."
"I mean… He's here, but he's in a meeting, he said to say he wasn't here, that he shouldn't be disturbed, even by his lovely wife. I'm really sorry. He's very busy, he doesn't even know if he'll be able to come home tonight and… Madam Solomons, no, please !"
She didn't listen to him, walking past him without him really trying to stop her. The poor boy knew it was useless, and that Alfie wouldn't like him touching his wife.
Opening the door, she wasn't surprised to find that there was no appointment.
On the other hand, she stared at the man sitting at the desk with some perplexity.
The clothes were Alfie's. The posture, the face, the hair.
But something was missing, something essential.
"Treacle, I can explain."
"Why ?"
"I'll explain, wait."
"Alfie, why ?"
"There was a lil problem, I wanted to help put out the fire and… I know, everyone would prefer that half of my face was hidden, me the first. But it will grow back ! Don't panic, love."
In addition to his right hand covered in a bandage following a slight burn, Alfie's beard had caught fire, and despite his quick reaction to splash himself with water, the result was not enough to keep the hair that remained without looking ridiculous.
Plus, the stupid doctor who came for the others insisted on examining him, and for that he had to shave it all off.
"I look like a baby." he mumbled, touching his chin. "A big ugly baby."
"You're not ugly."
"A real monster. I saw your reaction, you hate it, and I don't blame you. I hate it too. How horrible."
"Oh, shut up, you big baby." Y/N sighed, coming to sit on his lap, fascinated by this new face. "I don't hate it, I was surprised. You're very handsome."
"Hmm. I won't stay like this, even if you beg me. Don't beg me, treacle."
"No. I prefer my husband the way I know him. I don't think I've ever imagined you without a beard. You look like another man, a disguise. Oh ! You could do the same haircut as my brothers, that would be fun ! Finn and the kids want to celebrate this holiday where everyone dresses up."
"If any of your brothers come near me with scissors, I'll rip them off and stab them in the eye."
No doubt he could have continued to threaten the Shelbys and growl, but when she kissed him, on the mouth and all the rest of that unfamiliar skin, he froze, enjoying the sensation.
No one touched his hair, but he agreed to come to the little party, both delighted and annoyed by his in-laws who stared at him with the same fascination as their sister. But it was hard to tell if it was because of the lack of a beard, or because he was wearing a tuxedo.
After Polly and Ada whispered to Y/N that her husband was quite handsome, he decided that the others were staring because they were jealous and he had a rather good night. He then spent the rest of the month waiting for his beard to grow back regardless.
________________________________
(Alfie at the party)
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hope my boyfriend's okay request.
hi!!! can I request hurt comfort or angst with spencer reid? maybe reader is just an ordinary girl, not that smart, not that pretty, or even a college drop out (like reader from honeybody) so she is kinda insecure when spencer being kind to her or even ask her on a date?
tysm♡
"Do you want to play?" Spencer asks.
You're flushed before you open your mouth, startled by his sudden appearance and the new haircut he sports, curls locked back behind his neck. "Sorry, I just wanted to sit down."
"No, I'm just asking if you want to play," he says, shaking the little briefcase he holds between his fingers to emphasise the rattle of the chess pieces inside.
You've stolen his chess table again at the park. It's how you met, how you continue to meet —you want somewhere to put your book as you read and Spencer hardly ever makes you move, he just sort of sits with you until someone is in need of an opponent.
"I don't know how. I don't have the smarts."
Spencer sits down opposite you, placing the briefcase against the white and black chequered tiles. "Playing chess isn't about being smart. Being good at chess takes learned skill, though. It's like learning a language. Most people can say hello and goodbye if they try, but fluency comes with practice." He smiles at you like you're lovely and pretty and someone worth explaining this too, when you're worrying It's filtering out of your head like water through a sieve. Draining, draining, gone.
"I don't even think I could remember hello and goodbye," you say. Your attempt to smile back at him is pitiful.
His smile ebbs. "You're sure you don't want to play? I'd go easy for you."
You curl the cover of your paperback in your hands, deliberating. Chess is one of those games that seems never-ending. It's full of manoeuvres and techniques, openings, closings, all these learned combinations, strategy like nothing you've ever been able to comprehend. You've never wanted to learn because you know you won't be good, even if you try.
"Okay," you say quietly. "I really won't be any good."
Spencer shrugs and begins to retrieve the small wooden chess pieces. "I usually win anyways."
"Have you ever, um, competed? Like the grandmaster things?"
"No, but I had a friend I competed against for a long time. We played a lot of games. He was better at winning, despite my advantage." Spencer arranges your pieces with care. "Do you need me to teach you the opening moves?"
He explains slowly. When you need help, he gives it, and he doesn't lord it over your head. It's a little shameful seeing the difference in your intellectual capabilities displayed so clearly, and the longer the game goes on the worse you feel, even though Spencer lets you win.
"You'll get better every game," he says, returning taken pieces to the board.
"You want to play again?" you ask. "Come on, Spencer, that can't have been fun for you."
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Because I'm a useless opponent? And I don't really have anything else going for me, either, so it must be boring." It's an awkward thing to say, self-deprecating and stilted considering you and Spencer aren't more than acquaintances. You regret it as soon as you've said it but the frustration of the situation sticks around. "I don't understand why you waste your time with me."
"It's not wasted if it's with you." Spencer looks genuinely confused, shapely eyebrows pinching. "Is that what you really think? I like spending time with you, I don't need you to be a chess expert to find you interesting."
"But there's nothing interesting,," you insist.
"Of course there is…" He straightens a chess piece, gaze split between you and the board. "You don't have to say something from a journal for it to be worth saying. You know, I've had a thousand conversations this year, some of them with professors or academic experts, but," —he puts his hand, now finished with the chess pieces, over his elbow, meeting your eyes shamelessly— "the one I replay the most is from a few weeks ago, when you told me why you like to read in the park."
"That was just small talk," you say weakly, though it hadn't felt small to you, and now you know it wasn't small for him either.
"Then I guess I love small talk," Spencer says. "Do you want to play again? I'll teach you some good opening moves if you tell me more about you. Deal?"
You nod hurriedly, and fail to hide a beaming smile. "Teach me the best one."
"That's what I meant," he says.
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fic#luveline's 40k party
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WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
You and Suguru are roomates in this.
He hates this side of you. He hates everything about this side of you. If there was some form of higher power, he's begging them to tell him why, why out of everything he had to go through in his painful life, did he have to deal with this? All he's ever wanted was to be yours. He wants to be yours and he wants you to feel the same way for him, and he thought he was so fucking close.
You two sleep in the same house, you both do domestic chores together and he felt like you two were really beginning to bond after an entire year of living under the same roof. All of those years of stalking your everyday life after work, finding out your morning and night routines, memorizing your habits and hobbies, all of this just for you to give your full attention to a male human that knew nothing of your existence?
He can't say it out loud or his heart will stop, but you say that you love him. But he knows that look in your eyes. He's been giving it to you for years. You don't love him. You have a borderline unhealthy obsession with this animal. Every inch of his body is lit on fire whenever you mention him, knowing that he will never be able to have a chance due to your deranged fantasies of another he doesn't even consider to be anywhere near worthy enough for you to even lay your beautiful eyes on.
Why can't you see he's so much better?
He can't even distract himself on his phone right now. As much as he wants to block out your useless blabbing about him, he can't go two minutes without hearing your voice in general. It's an endless painful cycle.
As you're making dinner, cutting the potatoes in bite-sized pieces, Suguru wraps his arms around your midsection and peeks over your shoulder at the cutting board. Maybe he can distract you. "I can take over if you're tired," The vibrations from his chest reach your back and you hum, lost in thought. "No....I need to perfect this meat pie." His frown only deepens at what it implies and your smile only grows.
"Can you taste test this when it's done? I need about fifteen more minutes to-"
"Y/n, he doesn't even know you."
Your smile completely vanishes at his words and he lets go when you turn around, clenching the kitchen knife in your hand tighter. "Suguru, you know what this means to me. I know what he wants. And if I have to-"
"Don't. Just don't finish that sentence. Please." He slowly takes the knife from your hands and sets it on the counter behind you, stepping closer to you, looking deep into your eyes, hoping to find you in there somewhere. Because you've been drifting away from him for far too long.
"Y/n," His cold finger brushes so softly against the fat of your cheek and you're clearly jittery at the sensitive topic he just brough up. "You have to let him go." You already started shaking your head, knowing he was going to spew some nonsense. You turn your head to the pre-heated oven and he brings your face back to look at his own.
"Look at how you're acting. You haven't met this guy not even one time and you're attempting to perfect your cooking for him as if he would even be willing to try it from a stranger who's obsessed with him. He wouldn't like it. You wouldn't like it."
"I know how to act normal." You defend yourself, but it sounds more like you're attempting to convince yourself that you have a possibility with this man. Suguru begins to get annoyed at your defiance and doesn't know whether to just try and shove it into your head or try the softer way. Either way, you have to stop going after him. Or at least see that he's a better option.
"I know how to be normal. I've been practicing what I've been saying to him for a while now, and I'm pretty sure I got it down now. A-and I've been sending him gifts and letters and stuff and he hasn't reported me or anything. He never posted anything on any of his socials about the stuff I sent, so I think he thinks it's fine. His friends haven't said anything on their accounts either, so I think it's okay for me to keep trying. I'm close enough to his type of girl and I know the stuff he likes to do for fun, and what-"
The amount of energy and restraint he had to not just kill everyone within a 3 mile radius is something he didn't know he was capable of having in the first place. You reminded him too much of himself. Too much of how he already is with you. And if you were anywhere near like how he is with you and it's all directed towards that thing, he'd be sure to top your crazy pretty soon. And if he was anywhere near your type of crazy, he'd be in the right mind to erase that fool off of the face of the earth to get you to finally pay attention to him.
He deserves everything that animal has. And it's you. He has you wrapped around his finger and he doesn't know and it makes Suguru's blood boil with every second he acknowledges it. He will be dealt with accordingly.
#yandere#jjk#yandere x reader#reader#yandere x you#yandere character#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yandere jjk#yandere suguru geto#yandere geto[#geto x reader#suguru x reader#suguru geto x reader#jjk suguru geto#jjk geto#jujutsu kaisen suguru#jujutsu geto
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Don’t Ever Say I didn’t Love You. Of Course I do.
Alessia Russo x Reader.
Warnings: Honestly idk what this is, more of a blurb or whatever you call them, emptying out my drafts bbs get ready 🙏🏼, arguments, swearing, poorly written ending, probably poor grammar.
Summary: Less doesn’t think you love her anymore.
*********
You and Alessia were in another one of your arguments.
It was the 4th one this week, you didn't know why at this point, you just knew your girlfriend was mad at you for something you hadn't even done. You think it has something to do with her makeup and you using the last bit of it or something like that.
"Alessia what has gotten into you?" You asked, your face crumbling slightly as tears well in your eyes. You didn't want to fight with your girlfriend, you loved her dearly and held her close to your heart. So why was it so difficult to get along with her without her blowing up recently?
You knew she had been stressed because of her recent move to Arsenal, but she had never taken her anger about football out on you before, just as you had never taken yours about football out on her.
"You don't love me anymore!" She shouts and for a moment, everything goes still. The clock stops ticking, the only sound in the room heard was your individual breaths. Heavy and laboured, as if you'd just ran 10 miles non stop each. Although, that's what fighting with each other usually felt like anyway.
"What? Less what are you on about?"
"You.. You don't love me anymore." Her voice is quiet, fearful.
"You're fucking delusional if you think that then." You scoff, and she rolls her eyes.
"Why do I even try, Y/N?"
"What makes you think I don't love you, Less?"
"You aren't spending time with me as much anymore!" She complains, and her face holds resemblance to that of a pouting toddler, you think.
"Lessi are you forgetting I have a full time very high stress job? The same job as you, might I add?” You glare at her, honestly offended she'd ever think you didn't love her anymore.
"No, no of course not, I just-" You cut her off with a scoff and disbelieving chuckle.
"Just what? Woke up last week and decided to make me feel like shit over every little fucking thing?!" You snap. You had reached your boiling point. Why was she not seeing that you loved her? Why couldn't she just see that if she had spoke about it with you it wouldn't be this way?
"I love you, Alessia. So don't you ever say I didn't love you, I still do. I always will, for fucks sakes!" You yell, completely flying off the rails.
She just looks at you, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Whatever. I'm gonna stay at Macca's." The blonde says, storming out of your shared apartment and heading to the Irish girl's.
You think about chasing after her but hear her Mercedes pulling out of the driveway as you glare warily at your trainers. It would've been useless chasing her now.
You sigh and begin to tidy everything up, going getting into the spare bed, which you seemed to be spending a lot of time in lately, so that way if Alessia actually came back this time she'd be able to have space in a bed by herself.
****
Later that night, you briefly register a dip in the bed and your girlfriends warm body pressing against your own, muttering soft apologies into your hair which you just respond to with a grumble.
When you wake up that morning to the sight of the blonde's head on your chest and her smaller frame wrapped up in your arms, you feel a small flicker of hope that everything will be alright.
Because as long as you had your girl you felt like you could do anything.
**********
A/N: enjoy!
#woso#football#futbol#footy#woso fanfics#woso imagine#writer is not english#futból#woso x reader#angst#alessia russo#alessia russo x reader#alessia russo x y/n#alessia russo x you#arguing#language#poorly written ending#emptying my drafts
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necessities 2
series desc: modern day (fem)reader x classic prythian azriel au, series of short chapters, fluffy, smutty, cute, probably some angst and or drama cus it's me
warnings: 18+, again guys this is silly hehe, reader is a lil airheaded, prescription drugs mentioned, swearing, reader is an influencer HAHA, i'm high, az has a dirty mind freaky boii,
wc: 1.7k
other parts will be found on my masterlist under azriel
two
"You ready?" Azriel quirks a brow, looking down at you, you swallow hard, it didn't matter how big his arms were, basically the size of your fucking leg, how strong his body felt against yours. You were shaking with fear, shaking. The thought of flying through the air, not in first class with your fuzzy pink sleeping mask, a valium, and your security squishmallow- was not sitting right with you. Not at all.
"No," you squeak, your chest feeling tight. Heights- were one thing that you never did. Your friends hadn't even been able to pay you to get on Kingda Ka at Six Flags last year. "I don't even do rollercoasters- This-" you gulped, unable to even find the words.
"Roller what?" Azriel asks, his brows drawing together again, talking to you was definitely exhausting. He only seemed to understand about half of what you said. He would have to start writing these things down.
"Where I'm from people pay to get strapped into a death machine and basically dropped from the sky, I personally think it's like adrenaline junky behavior," you say, peering up at him, he raised his eyebrows as he looked back down at you, his eyes hazy with contemplation.
"Interesting," Azriel replies, this seemed to be the easiest thing to say, it was interesting after all, even if he didnt understand much of it. Your world sounded absolutely bizarre to him. It was hard to comprehend many of the things you said, but he thought he could listen for hours just to hear your ebullient voice, he supposed you were fairing rather well considering the fact that you had fell through some kind of blip in the magical web of infinite worlds— and may very well never see any of your friends and family ever again.
He had also noticed that your clothes were ridiculously useless and thin, he didn't understand what purpose they even served besides merely hiding the color of your nipples. He could see the curve of your body right through them, he was trying to be good, trying not to let his fingertips accidentally brush against the side of your breast while adjusting his hold on you. It's ill mannered to imagine how your cock would split a tiny little human woman in two the first day you meet her, he reminded himself. He knew he shouldn't stare either, so he tried to keep his eyes to anything but you, it proved to be rather challenging.
He thought you might be the most fascinating thing he'd encountered in all of his five hundred years of life.
"Well we do have to go at some point, what was that second name? Bubbles?" He smirked, he liked that. First, it was a word that he knew and understood, finally. Second, it suited you, despite having met you only hours ago... Undoubtedly a Bubbles.
"It's my at for all of my socials and it kind of just became my nickname," you respond and you can't help but smile back at that amused smirk he wore, it was definitely contagious, as small as it was.
"You may as well be speaking another language, but I don't mind, because you look positively scrumptious doing it," he paused before adjusting his stance, his grip tightening slightly on you, the heat from his fingertips against the thin fabric of your tank top and leggings was melting you from the inside out. He was carrying you bridal style, but it was almost more like a cradle considering how small you were compared to him. You were blushing at his comment, you couldn't help it, the sexual gravelly lull of his voice definitely had to be some kind of bat-man siren song.
Your heart beat quickened as he took a step forward, the realization that his tightening hands meant you were about to be transported through the clouds by a man with fucking wings. "Wait!" you yelp, peering up at him with a panicked look on your face. Azriel raised his eyebrows, freezing in place.
"Yes?" He asks, drawing out the word with a teasing inflection in his voice. His eyes were patient but he wore an amused smirk, his attention now solely fixated on your plump parted lips. I wonder how much of my cock I can fit in that pretty little mou—
"There's no pre-flight safety lecture?" You never thought you would miss the condescendence of flight attendants so much. You would have given anything for an espresso martini and a blanket and maybe one of those bags of miniature pretzels, your stomach growled at the thought.
"Hold on?" Azriel tries, that same amused smile playing at the corners of his mouth. You let out a less than satisfied noise and he chuckles quietly. "I don't take many new passengers," he admits sheepishly. He didnt mind all the stalling so much, it meant he got to relish in your scent for a little longer, usually humans didnt smell this good.
"Wow you are really making me feel sooo much better, thank you for that," you utter sarcastically, your hand tightly gripping his chest, you could feel the steady beat of his heart under the leather of his, bondage suit? You didnt know. Azriel chuckles again and you fight the urge to shiver at the rumble that traveled through his chest with his laugh.
"The more we sit here and talk about it, the more afraid you'll be," and there is no warning, there is no hey im about to shoot hundreds of feet in the air. There is only wind, and your hair everywhere, and clinging onto Azriel for dear life— and shrieking like you had that time there was an unnaturally large spider that had moved into your walk in closet back home.
"Not fucking cool Azriel," you shout, your voice high over the whipping wind, your eyes are tightly squinted and youre almost glad you can't see his annoyingly amused smirk. "A one, two, three would be nice— and I'd like you to know right now that there isn't going to be a next time," your skin is covered in goosebumps and you were sure if it wasnt for the searing heat of his body you would have been shaking.
"I do love a challenge Bubbles," he dips his head down, and you can feel his nose brush against your scalp, your toes curl involuntarily at the sound of his voice. Raspy and seductive. You squeeze your eyes shut, hell would freeze over before you opened them.
"Never. The. Fuck. Again." You say, and it's a promise, you want to sock him over the head when he only laughs in response. "Im glad youre getting a real good laugh about this," you don't dare to open your eyes, even though that smile was the most dazzling you had ever seen. The only positive side to your current situation was how delicious he smelled.
"Youre fine."
"I think I might pass away."
-
You don't know how long it's been when you finally land back on the ground, and you hadn't opened your eyes once. No matter how many times Azriel had tried to get you to. "Open your eyes," he instructs, finally setting you down gently onto your feet.
Your eyes flutter open and you take in the sight of the room the two of you were now in. Your lips part slightly at the size of the bed, it was four poster super vintage looking, and the largest bed you had ever seen. There wasnt much beside the bed in the room, large windows, long curtains that hung almost from floor to ceiling and a large glass door that lead to the balcony. A single table on one side with an array of weapons, none of them guns you noticed. And a very tall wardrobe on the other side of the room. Despite the quality of the furniture it was horribly monochromatic.
"Im going to have to hide you here— For now," he looked down at you, waiting for you to say something, you didnt know what you were supposed to say to that. Hiding implied that whatever was outside was dangerous. "I know its not much, my living situation recently became a little more complicated— sometimes its nice to have a place to go that nobody knows about," he explains, his eyes still fixated on you. He didnt feel good about leaving you here all alone, but it was probably the safest place— and he didnt know how Rhys was going to react about a human girl from another world.
No one else had been to Azriels new apartment, he thought it rather ironic that a human girl was the first to see. With Cassian and Nesta fresh off of the bond- and Rhys and Feyre's hands more than full with Nyx... Azriel had just known it was time for a private place of his own. And it was proving to be quite useful now, perhaps a secret little copulation den for the erotic torture of a human girl— no not torture exactly, she would like it, she would be begging—
Your voice interrupted his insolent thoughts. "It's giving serial killer. Like a pop of color maybe? A Himalayan salt lamp? A few throw pillows definitely never hurt anyone," you say before turning around finally to meet his gaze, your heart almost stops, no pookie, youre not hallucinating, his eyes did just get three shades darker.
"Right, well I guess you'll have to help me " he responds before clearing his throat, and you could tell he hadnt really understood. His expression was completely indifferent, but his eyes, a shiver ran up your spine. "Make yourself at home, I'll be back and when I am I'll have food. There's a bathing room down the hall, and you can help yourself to whatever you can find to wear in there- though I'm sure it won't fit," he gestures to the wardrobe, "and I usually sleep nude so you may not find much at all," he adds, one more ghost of a smirk, before leaping off of the balcony and shooting into the sky.
You can't help but watch as he flies away, his enormous wings looking like some crazy CGI shit. You shuddered, remembering that moments ago you had been up there with him. When youre sure hes gone and you know youre alone, you cry. Ugly cry.
a/n: i would literally cut out my kidney with a bread knife and hand it over on a silver platter to be reader hahaha I think I got everyone on the tag list tell me if I missed ya im going to get drunk now
taglist<3: @velarisdusk @scorpioriesling @cynthiesjmxazrielslover @smalljasper289 @cherryinsalemverse @cleverzonkwombatsludge @serxndipity-ipity-blog @blessthepizzaman
#acotar#acotar fic#azriel fanfic#acotar smut#azriel smut#acotar fanfiction#azriel fic#azriel fluff#azriel fan fiction#azriel spymaster#azriel x reader#azriel shadowsinger#azriel au#azriel acotar#azriel#azriel fanfiction#acotar fanfic
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[SPOILERS FOR LIGHT NOVELS] i don't think Kunikida was ever okay
so i was rereading the light novels and... yeah i don't think Kunikida's okay. bear in mind that these were either set before the start of the anime or were set before the end of season 1, so things such as walking alone, cannibalism arc and decay of angels arc had NOT happened yet (stressing this point as much as possible). i've also included roughly when in the BSD timeline the light novels were set and which pages i found the information on.
LN1 (s1e6 and s1e7 - azure messenger arc)
is absolutely terrified of the dark - i'm specifying the dark here instead of ghosts, which he specifically mentions in the anime, because he says he doesn't believe in them. but all the same, he's definitely not (keep telling yourself that, honey) shaking and crying (pages 24 and 25)
even at age twenty is willing to let himself die to save the other hostages - it says in the light novel that he is in fact suffering the effects of the poison gas, and still tries to save them despite Dazai and Sasaki stopping him (page 29)
made sure he still wouldn't have been able to kill Dazai - despite holding Fukuzawa's orders in high regard they would go against his ideals, which is why he never brought the real gun with him (pages 76-78)
the entire ending, pretty much - he had to watch both Sasaki, who he cared about, and Rokuzou, who he raised like his own son, die. he couldn't understand that there was no other way to do things, but since we don't know how his ideal came to be (seriously, Asagiri? nothing at all besides a couple vague suggestions?) we can't exactly push this point much (pages 95-101)
LN3 (set between s1e1 and s1e2 - where the Agency are planning Atsushi's entrance exam)
has what can only be described as a panic attack at the mention of a bomb threat (pages 4 and 5)
starts describing increasingly dark and oddly specific methods of torture to use on Dazai, whilst panicking and trying to attack something that isn't there (pages 16 and 17)
Kunikida and Katai's Brilliant Days (set around s1e6 - first part of azure messenger arc, but by this point Kunikida had not watched Sasaki and Rokuzou die)
sounds terrified at the thought of being called useless (page 5)
anyway that's all i got for now, will update if i think of anything else
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𝒊 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒇𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚.
pairings. scaramouche x fem reader synopsis. scaramouche swore to himself to protect you from dottore, but in order to do so, he must abandon you. before he leaves though, he makes sure to put a smile on your face. genre/warnings. pure angst, written in scara's pov, reader is energetic and childish, she/her pronouns used for reader, mentions of blood, stabbing, and death wc. 1.1k a/n. i actually shed a tear while writing this and listening to summertime sadness. playlist. die first - nessa barrett, summertime sadness - lana del rey, train wreck - james arthur
[2:39pm]
today is y/n's birthday.
i can see her in the near distance, skipping around like an excited little kid. she's always had too much energy for me to bear, but perhaps i've grown used to it, seeing that she's always glued to my side for some reason unknown to me.
that bliss however, will change today. dottore knows about where she's from. a planet far from the depths of teyvat. a globe dominated solely by the human race with no room for elemental power. a planet currently known as earth.
very little is known about this planet, which only causes dottore's interest to peak. her origin makes her the perfect test subject for the doctor, but i will not let him lay a dirty fingernail on her.
we cannot continue to travel as one; dottore will find her if she's with me. i don't have any cards left to play.
i do worry that leaving her alone would put her in another danger. she carries no vision, nor any strength that could compare to the creatures of teyvat. however, nothing is more dangerous than becoming an experiment of the second fatui harbinger. on the inside i know she'll be okay. she can find-
she can find my replacement. a new companion.
my only option is to watch over her from the shadows. that is the only way i can protect her.
sometimes i can tell that i hurt her feelings when we converse. but my personality is something i can't change, and she's never seemed to want change from me. perhaps that's why i've enjoyed her company more than i could ever enjoy another human being's. she understands me more than i think she does.
since i made her cry on her last birthday, i've decided that i could attempt to make her smile this time around. in my defense though, the cookies she made for us to share together were truly detrimental. but... maybe my words were too harsh. i forget what i said exactly... "you wanna poison me? are you so dumb as to have forgotten that i'm not human?"
my eyes trail back to ms. craziness and my eyes widen when she trips over a tree branch. i actually have no idea how i've been traveling together with a girl who has two left legs without dying. i don't notice the tears streaming from my eyes until she looks my way and spots me.
she runs over to me, and i quickly wipe the useless, hot tears. when i see her happy expression, i need to make an effort not to let the guilt eat me alive. i think i've admitted it to myself a while ago, but i love y/n. i'd presumed just as everyone else that i'm a puppet incapable of anything close to love, but if what i feel for y/n isn't love then i'm not sure what it is. i am positive that it is love. when you experience pain, you don't doubt it and assume it's something else. you just feel. and when i'm with her i feel.
"SCARA!" y/n exclaims as she topples me over in a hug. i nearly fall to the ground, but i'm able to catch us before it's too late. gosh, can she even contain her energy for two rational seconds?
i shove her off of me, but before i can say anything, she excitedly holds up a compass-like trinket in my face. "look! a sweet young boy gave me this lovely compass! it's supposed to lead you to wherever you'll be the happiest! and~ it led me right to you! we are just the perfect little duo, aren't we scara?"
i scoff, "and you believe that? it led you towards me because i'm standing north from where you were earlier."
y/n's excited expression drops.
"oh..." she pouts. "well... we can still pretend, right?"
pretend. maybe i can pretend she'll always be with me.
"pretending won't get you anywhere in life," i respond flatly.
"oh, but you pretend all the time," she responds. "i know you sometimes pretend that you can't hear me when i ramble about random things. although it hurts my feelings, you're still my best friend, scara."
what she said is actually not true. i in fact remember everything she rambles about in great detail. like that one time she was complaining about how she hates her hair because the wind blows it in an unattractive way. it was just so annoying because she needs to set her priorities straight. her appearance should be the last of her worries.
"give me your hand," i say. my voice is softer than i intended it to be. when she extends her hand, i slip a diamond bracelet around her wrist. on it is a charm with her nickname for me engraved in the center: scara.
please don't forget about me.
"oh, scara... it's beautiful! I'll never take it off. i promise."
"i have a matching one," i respond as i hold up my wrist for her the see.
she smiles when she sees the nickname engraved on my bracelet: princess.
there it is. her smile.
i sigh. "human, i know that you have your other shenanigans to deal with today, as do i. but meet me up that hill in the forest at sunset."
"oh, okay? scara, why are you being extra nice today?"
"um," i attempt a half smile. "it's your birthday, isn't it?"
[6:03pm]
i pick up the sword from the wet grass of the forest mountain beneath me. it's raining hard tonight. y/n is going to catch a cold, and i won't be there to care.
i walk over to the puppet standing across from me. my puppet. the puppet i've created to fake my own death. isn't it funny? the puppet of a puppet. both abandoned by their creators.
i take my bracelet off and slip it on its wrist. she has to believe it's me.
"i'm sorry," i whisper before stabbing my clone in the chest. i close my eyes when i hear my own voice cry out in a short-lived pain. it falls to the ground, lifeless as i walk away into the forest.
the bloodshed spreads with the heavy rain, and moments later, i see y/n approach the dead body. there she is.
and i feel as if my nonexistent heart has cracked in half when she screams. my eyes close in a sort of pain i've never experienced before. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry, princess. it's the only way you wouldn't look for me.
i wish that a day will come where we can be partners again. but on the inside i know that her human lifespan is not long enough to fulfill that silly wish.
scaramouche fanart credit: X (Twitter) : llxx88103769
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Supermarket Stillness
There's a mildly embarrassing shelf tucked away in the back of the supermarket, past the jars of pickled spells and the bottles of five-hour-Stillness. It's part of the store you've always been dimly aware of, but why would you ever need to buy some freeze-dried Purpose?
Well, today you have a reason.
You don't linger in front of it, just grab the first vacuum-sealed bag that looks right and try not to meet the cashier's eye as their hands blur through scanning it and all your other groceries.
You're sure they've seen far worse. It still sucks.
---
Back at home, your house-guest's wings twitch as she stares at the proffered bag.
"Seriously?"
"I just, I thought ... you said you needed some?"
"Yeah, but not this shit. I've tried it before, it's barely better than an MMO." She pauses for a moment, eyes you. "Or methadone."
"... oh."
"Like, I appreciate the thought," she continues as her broken halo sways above her head, "it just wouldn't help me at all. I'm sure it would blow you away, you've never even tried it, have you?"
You shake your head. "No, uh, everyone always said not to."
"Ha! They were probably right. Little thing like you's better off not fucking with that part of of the world."
"... yeah."
After that the conversation trails off into the usual day-to-day space-filling, words that hardly matter and mean less; a pantomime of connection.
You tuck the little vacuum sealed bag in the back of a cupboard (it cost too much to throw away, no matter how useless it is!) and try to forget about it.
---
Time passes, as time is wont to do.
Your house-guest leaves a few weeks later.
It's nothing to do with you, she explains. She's grateful that you were able to give her a place to stay, she's never liked having to rough it with the feral angels. But no matter those fleeting moments stolen in the depths of night, she needs something more than you can give.
She mentions that she's going across the city to live in one of the witch-houses, a place where she thinks she'll find what she needs. You wish her well, of course you do, and then ...
Your little apartment is empty again.
She stops replying to your texts after a few weeks.
That's how it goes, isn't it? There's hardly anything something like you can offer to someone like her. You're just a freeze-dried, mass-produced substitute discarded as soon as something better comes along; a worthless thing sinking deeper into depression's spiral.
A month later you're using a sudden upswing to clean out all the junk that's accumulated in your cupboards—all the almost-empty boxes, the dented cans and expired jars; the detritus of your dreams of Doing Things In The Kitchen—when you stumble across the bag of Purpose again.
It really doesn't look appetizing at all, even with the bright words and little cartoon halo on its label. Really, what were you thinking trying to offer it to a proper angel?
You really should just throw it away, but ...
You pause right before tossing it into the can.
Because, really, it would be a shame to just waste so much money on something you never try, wouldn't it? It would be a Waste, and that's so very close to a sin.
Just one taste couldn't hurt, just the tiniest morsel. Just to know what you've been missing out on. It'll be fine.
#empty spaces#writing#angelposting#dollposting#do you remember stillness#cheap knockoffs of things with meaning#else writes
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