#and not annoyed with myself for not putting more time and effort in towards whatever im doing on the site
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my shorts don't have laces
theodore nott x female reader
Hermoine is aware of y/nâs feelings toward theo, therefore when she gets the chance, hermoine makes it her job to get them close to eachother
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You and Hermione were in your shared dorm, getting ready together for the pool party thrown.
You put your matching black swimsuits on and put your hair up so that it doesnt get wet from the water.
âHermoineeeeeâ you sigh. âIs- is uhh is, is theo gonna be there?â You ask hesitantly.
Hermoine had always been aware of your feelings toward theo and she made no effort to stop teasing you about it.
âUgh, y/n, yes he isâ she spoke as she rolled her eyes.
âDo i look good, should i tie my hair or keep it in a claw-clip like this? Omg idk what to do i feel so ugly. Should i change this swimsuit?â you complain
âY/l/n, one more word i swear. You look gorgeous, ur perfect. How many times do i need to tell you that?â She said.
You jump into her arms before she could finish, âgod hermoine i love youâ you say.
âYeah i know bla bla bla bla, now we have a party to get to and boys to impressâ she winked before dragging you out of the room.
You get to the party and ur eyes immediately begin scanning the room, in search of theo. In no time you spot him, sat in the hot tub with cormac, harry, ron, ginny, and luna.
Hermoine notices your intentions and grabs your hand leading you to the hot tub, âhermoine, no, im not ready yet!!â you sigh.
âtoo badâ she says before jumping in the hot tub. âshoot, y/n, thereâs no more place for you, but im sure theo would be more than pleasured to keep you on his lapâ she giggled.
You and theo didnât hate eachother, you werenât friends either. However, there was always tension between the two of you, even Neville could catch it.
He patted on his lap, gesturing for you to come over âcâmereâ he said. You drag ur feet in the water and adjust ur sitting on his lap.
Looks and smiles exchange between everyone in the tub and you begin to feel the tension form. Cormac, next to you, starts talking about his previous experience with the ladies and other stuff.
And while ur listening, trying to act interested in whatever heâs talking about, you feel something poke from under you.
You also feel theoâs hands wrap around ur waist from under water which makes you let out a loud gasp, loud enough for the people in the hot tub to hear at least.
Everyones heads turn around to you, âsorry guys, thought i saw a bugâ you laugh it off and all ur friends go back to their conversations.
The poking from under you only got more annoying, so you turn ur head, âtheo, the laces of ur swimsuit are poking me, can u do something about it?â You speak.
âCara mia, my shorts donât have lacesâ he whispers to you, you could feel his breath on ur ear. âFuck theoâ you say.
He looks at you and then says something again âi say we get out of here darling before i canât control myself anymoreâ.
You immediately jump up, and theo follows you. âIf youâll excuse us, we have some business to manageâ he jokes pointing at the both of you.
âGet out of here manâ Ron laughs.
âGod please noâ this, from Luna.
âOff you goâ hermoine says smiling.
Theo then grabs your hand, two towels, and starts leading you back to his dorm. On ur way there, he wraps one of the towels around you, making sure youâre not cold.
When you get there, the Slytherin boy wastes no time locking the door and smashing his lips onto yours, immediately also allowing his tongue to slip in.
The kiss was not sweet, it was slow yet passionate and hungry. The boy was practically eating your face off while he has you pinned on the wall.
In a sudden movement, theo slips his hands under your thighs and carries you up into his arms. He carries you to his bed, the kiss ongoing, and makes you lay there.
He wastes no time unclasping your bikini and sucking on your tits. Your fingers meet his hair and you start tugging at it as he sucks on your nipples.
He leaves kisses on your boobs and cups them while he moves back up to your lips, also removing your underwear. They meet again and this time the kiss is faster, deeper, and hungrier.
âI- i.. fuckâ he says in between kisses.
âMhm?â you wonder.
âMy friend down there, fucking hell, he needs attention.â the boy explains.
You laugh and start working your way, trying to remove his shorts. He turns over making sure to provide you with enough space to take control.
You make your way down, leaving kisses down his ab lines. You slowly lower his shorts and begin trailing his v line with your fingers.
You then remove his shorts completely and for a second, you are taken back by his large size.
His wet, throbbing cock was now inches away from your face. You begin by licking his tip, slowly and carefully before taking him in all in one go.
To that, he gasps, his hands then move to your head guiding you, he grabs onto your hair and leads you.
He even makes you gag a few times when he hits your throat, which you pinch his thigh for that.
You speed up your movements as you wanted to be the one to make him cum first, and you wanted to be the one that makes it happen faster.
âCara miaâ he spoke. âIm gonna.. soon. Im gonna.. fuckâ.
You mumble a quick mhm as you speed your movements.
âFuck youâre so good at thisâ. he praised
You smiled to yourself before he finally came on your mouth, he squeezed your hair as he released.
You move back up to him and stick your tongue out to show him you swallowed it. You then start kissing him again, slipping your tongue inside, his hands wrapping around your waist.
âYou know ur actually gorgeous, youre so perfect. A goddess i swearâ he said as you were sat on his lap, staring deep into his eyes.
âTell me something in italianâ you ask.
âHmm? Something like what ehh?â he smirks.
âAnythingâ you smile.
âWell.. ti scoperĂČ finchĂ© non potrai piĂč camminare.â he said in a whisper.
âAnd that means?â you wonder.
âIâll fuck you till you cant walkâ he spills.
âOh is that so?â you giggle.
he nods and then you give him the look of affirmation before he slams into you, which makes you let out a gasp before adjusting yourself to his size.
You then start working ur hips in sync with his, riding him while his hands roam ur body, touching every bit of skin he could get his hands on.
âFff.. fuckkk, you look too good like thisâ he praised. âdannatamente perfettoâ. (fucking perfect)
you smile and in a sudden movement, he flips you over so hes in control, he starts speeding and you grab onto the sheets for dear life.
He leans in and kisses you, you moan into his mouth and his swollen tip hits your spot, the one that sends you to the moon and back.
âFUCKING HELL!!â you scream, âTHEODORE IM GONNA CUMâ. He speeds up his movements and guides you as you release.
âĂš stato fantastico, bellissimoâ (that felt amazing, beautiful) he spoke slumping on the bed next to you.
âYou really gotta start teaching me italian so i can understand what ur sayingâ you chuckle.
âOh yeah? What if i dont want you to understand what im sayingâ he teased.
âUhh oh, we might have a problem thenâ you both laugh as he hugs u tightly, kissing ur temple.
#theodore nott#theodore nott fanfiction#slytherin#slytherin boys#harry potter#lorenzo zurzolo#theodore nott x reader
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why isn't shanastoryteller's tumblr writing on ao3?
i've been asked this before, and i've gotten asked this a handful more times in just the past week, so
i'm going to link this post in my pinned post so it hopefully comes up a little less. i'm going to go through my answer in a detailed way that isn't necessarily all directed towards anyone who has asked some variation of this recently or ever, i'm just trying to be thorough to answer this for the (hopefully) last time
first there's the issue of formatting. there's pretty much no way to move what's at this point about 2,000 prompts over to ao3 in a way that isn't deeply annoying to myself, other users, and anyone who's subscribed to me. i'm not interested in making a new "chapter" for just a couple hundred words, i'm not going to tag 100 fandoms on one work, i don't want have to go to ao3 after every prompt cycle and copy and paste the prompts into the fic, whether that be as a new chapter or just editing a story to contain new material. the masterlist and updating the google doc already takes a decent amount of time and having to do this on ao3 would be both finnicky and time consuming and there's no way to set it up that i wouldn't find myself irritated with the prompts being on my profile period
however, most importantly, it just doesn't jive with how i use each of these websites
ao3 is an archive and dumping all my random prompts on there is an appropriate use for it. however. it's not how i personally prefer to use each site and just because something can go on ao3 does not mean i'm required to put it there
tumblr is my sketchbook and ao3 is my art gallery
the prompts and snippets and random crap i post here isn't thought out, don't necessarily have an overarching plot, or any real substance to them besides the scenes. they're fun, they're usually low effort, and they're things i work on without any real expectation that they'll spawn into a full, fully plotted story or at least not one i'm committed to writing out. i don't like having unfinished works on ao3 and i try really hard not to. if i'm posting something to ao3, that's me making a commitment to eventually (EVENTUALLY!!) completing it and having all my random, messy, incomplete prompts and scraps on there would 100% stress me out
like how sketches often become full pieces, it's not uncommon for a prompt series or random writing to turn into a full fic that gets fleshed out / expanded and put on ao3
The Great Puzzle, wing bones touching, Snakelet, Here Be Dragons, Become Tomorrow, shrine or scar, that is a door, Cartwheels in Cloud Recesses, Ghosts Shouldn't, Little Lion Boy, and Despite the Abundance all started on tumblr
but even in cases where i found a big chunk of the tumblr writings usable and worth keeping, it's not a matter of just copy and pasting it over and calling it a day. a full fic and and a series of random prompts or whatever scenes i've written on here isn't necessarily how i would choose to tell a longform story, so transporting them over always entails a fairly large amount of work on my end
in the case of the great puzzle, i used all that i'd written, it was just the commitment and plot to writing the story through. for wing bones touching, i'm using most of what's already been written, but there's a lot of connective tissue and build up to earn the payoff that i hadn't bothered to write when it was just a prompt series that now has to be put in
there are some series where this is easier than others. the azula and zuko series, for example, would have to be written almost entirely from scratch. it encompasses a huge amount of time and action and earns pretty much none of it - because the format means it doesn't have to.
living blood is one that i'm thinking will probably end up on ao3 at some point because i've written a lot of the connective tissue and build up into it already so it's not such a huge effort to polish it up
"but you don't have to polish it up!" i can hear you saying. "you can just post it as is!"
i said it above and i'll say it again: i could. but i don't want to
i'm saying this with all the kindness and appreciation for your interactions and your comments and your readership but: not everything is about you
i link all the previous prompts in the most recent one. i make a masterlist after every prompt cycle. i have every prompt linked out in the google doc
i'm not opposed to making things easier for your guys, and have spent a lot of time doing so, but i'm completely uninterested in moving my prompts and random writings over to ao3 for all the reasons laid out above, and being asked repeatedly isn't going to change my answer
if you think those reasons are stupid and inadequate and it makes you mad, the good news is this: you don't have to follow me and you don't have to read my work. you're completely and totally free to opt out of this experience
if you find navigating prompts as i have them laid out to be too cumbersome and difficult then, kindly, don't read them
i'm not a professional, a company, or a celebrity. this blog and my writing is neither a product nor a service
the point where prompts are more stressful and irritating than they are fun, the point where sharing scraps of my writing becomes something that turns into an obligation or a drag or too much work, is the point where i stop doing it
#to be clear: i am 100% open to organization suggestions and ways to make it easier for you guys#i'm not trying to be a jerk about this#as long as that suggestion is not put it on ao3
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a little hc about reiner's relationship with historia (and ymir).
(for context, i've previously detailed how i was headcanoning reiner and ymir: they're best friend and their love language is bickering)
one day, reiner felt like he had enough of wondering and pondering over and over about the same questions he had. so, he decided to ask historia for her opinion and some advice, thus invited her over his house for a little hang out that turned out into a sleepover. he asked historia, instead of ymir, because of the deep bond they have regarding discussing emotions, and ymir can be spicy. he didn't want to deal with it this time
they arrived at his house, went in his room and he started to yapp about the most random stuff he could think of. after a while, historia stared at reiner straight in the eyes, bored look on her face, asking him to drop the act. she knew that it took him lots of efforts to step aside his usual i'm-everyone's-reliable-friend-and-i-never-need-help-myself facade by asking her to come over and discuss his true emotions. hence she got quite annoyed when he started to ignore the elephant in the room (he was quite panicked to actually talk about what was bothering him and instead awkwardly talked about whatever came up to mind).
the reason why historia and reiner got close is because they both felt like the other was hiding something, like they did themselves. reiner had the impression that most of the time, "historia" was not really historia, and she was putting the mask of the cute and selfless girl that she was not. to protect herself.
not to show your true self prevents it from being shattered.
historia had the same impression about reiner. they both sensed that something was off about how the other one would display themselves. they slowly started to break off their own mask, just to see how the other would react. they ended up getting emotionally very close. (the other reason they got close is ymir).
so that evening, reiner progressively opened up about his own feelings, confusions, and fears regarding how he felt towards bertholdt, but also eren and jean. overall, he was scared of his own feelings, and terrified of how they would see him if revealed that he was more than just this encouraging brotherly figure. (bertholdt knew about most, if not all of his personality. reiner was still scared).
the day following the sleepover, when ymir asked historia what she did the other night, reiner jumped into the conversation, huge cocky grin on his face, revealing that historia spent the night at his place and that him and historia were now dating. (he just wanted to piss ymir off. well, that worked). historia confirmed with a big smile, nodding slyly. (ymir pouted the rest of the day while reiner and historia exchanged amused glances. ymir caught them twice. she pouted harder)
#reiner and historia are the two faces of the same coin#their ability to understand the other's emotions is insane#historia doesn't give amazing advice but she's trying#reiner is in love and also very scared#reiner doesn't feel good enough and is struggling#reiner#aot#attack on titan#snk#shingeki no kyojin#reiner braun#headcanon#hc#historia#historia reiss#eren#eren yeager#jean#jean kirschtein#bertholdt hoover#bertholdt#ymir#yumihisu#yumihisu are dating but reiner likes to tease
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Aquarium update - I have a Betta again! Got kind of burned last time so I travelled wayyyyy north from where I am to get her, along with some cories. It's been about two weeks since, judging my water changes (do about 25% a week, not because the water needs it but more because any longer and my filter gets gummed up) and she's been doing really well. She's changing rapidly, but she was very juvenile when I got her (like literally only a bit bigger than some of my green neons which max out at 3cm) which I expected, since marble gene. The contrast of a few weeks though is kinda nuts.
Not quite named yet, since honestly I was so burned from last time (RIP fish Karlach đ) that I've been hesitant to name her or even share anything about her online. Also because I literally have no idea how she's gonna look in a few weeks as she matures.
I was thinking maybe Arita or Imari since her patterning reminds me of Asagi Koi and Imari-Arita Ware ceramics? Leaning towards Arita since it sounds a bit 'sassier' I guess (idk, vibes) and she definitely is that. I'll take suggestions though!
Anyway more fish rambling below -
Honestly I was so hesitant to get her, but I was already putting in replacement Cories after a mystery disease decimated my Corydora population, leaving my admittedly kind-of-fat female Three Lined solo. Whatever contagion was in the tank is either gone or dormant (since a lot of fish disease I know is entirely reliant on how stressed a fish is - they can still be a carrier but completely fine) after basically doing every treatment I had at my disposal. I think it was a mix of parasitic and bacterial, maybe fungal? Hard to target given all my tank tests consistently returned a big fat 0ppm for all the bad shit. My tank is about as clean as it gets - I only change about 25% weekly and that's more to clean sludge out of the filter, it never really needs it. Admittedly some of the deaths I contributed to because I wasn't aware how much my tank PH had changed over the months (test your PH regularly guys), apparently the huge chunks of wood have exhausted all their tannins cause I've gone from acidic to more basic. It seems to be holding about 7.8, apparently related to the Seiryu stone in there. Basically water changes caused the PH to flux to much, contributing to stress for the Cories. Yeah I feel bad but I'm also not blaming myself since a. Literally first tank b. I am learning the fish hobby is really annoying for consistent information. Like literally information that doesn't contradict itself half the time. A lot of that is the reason why I've been slowed down in figuring out what is going wrong and that ultimately has resulted in a lot of loss.
Important part though is everyone seems to be doing fine, and I've learned enough now to maybe recognise stuff a lot faster. One of the Pandas, after my first water change developed a big fungal streak down it's body (I'm guessing it scuffed itself in a panic somewhere) but had that treated easily within about 3 days with just Pimafix. No seriously, they're doing well. Well enough they apparently spawned? Saw the betta striking some mystery thing on the glass. I thought it was a freshwater limpet (they've been in there, just haven't seen them in a while) and realised no, actually an egg. Not opposed to this since I'm pretty close to stocking limit (at least in a regular, unplanted tank) so I'm down for the population control.
Betta really is a little predator though. She's honestly weird for a Betta in that she doesn't show interest in food. At all. She might nibble at a fallen bit but couldn't care less about anything I put on the surface or during feeding time. Been monitoring her weight, and she's definitely not underweight. Guess I have enough random critters in my tank (Planaria, about a million scuds since my last-ditch effort treatment to save a Cory decimated my shrimp population. I lost my favourite orange/red shrimp too đ) to sustain her? Worry is of course I need to re-establish more shrimp. There are some left but nowhere NEAR what I had before. I've seen her chase a few who appear, she definitely has them on alert but they tend to be too big for her anyway. And too fast. Juveniles though ....
I do have a HUGE amount of hiding places for new, young shrimp (just moss. So much moss) but I think I'll maybe raise them in a netted isolation box until they're big enough that she's no longer a threat maybe? Idk. That or I get technically-not-allowed Cherry Shrimp from someone local, since they tend to be adults. Juveniles are kind of my only option at my local store.
Anyway that's the ramble!
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Saw your tags about not liking CC. What would've made it better for you?
i fear, ultimately, i personally care very little for fairy tale retellings. CC was never going to be my favorite starkid show no matter what it did. i liked the changes to the cinderella plot overall, but it's just not really one that compels me (though CC's vengeful take is definitely my favorite i've seen)
i supported the project because i believe in starkids ability to do parody well, and they let me down in that i didnt like the humor they went with at all. less sex jokes would be the first change i'd make towards a CC i'd enjoy. it was obviously grating with the prince but the fact that some of the humor around the stepmother was also 'she has sex with people' and the stepsisters wanting to be hot... it's not bad to make sex jokes idrgaf but when it's half your cast i just get tired of it.
i also didn't like tadius or the prince or really find them/their dynamic funny. i think the prince being played as less horny and more hapless/hopeless + tadius being exasperated would have worked better for me than the prince being actively annoying and sleazy and tadius being irritated and catty towards him... it just isn't fun for me to watch these characters interact.
hop-a-lot and crumb should have gotten a song though idk if i'd want to replace anything already on the soundtrack, even like a 30 sec-1 min little thing like a limerick about them or whatever would have been fun. i liked them a lot more than tadius and wish they'd taken more of his role when it came to like. idk. supporting ella. probably makes less sense in some ways id have to go do some rewatching to hammer it out but i just liked them a lot more as allies to ella than i did tadius.
removing modern lyrical references (eg. neon lights, i like the song but these words ???), it's jarring for me when i try to immerse myself in the world they purportedly want me to care about and be invested in. it feels kind of lazy and really seems like they took songs from other projects and slapped them in here with some changes (i felt this way about NPMD as well, like it was two shows sort of stitched together and dissonant bc of that. maybe thats just a starkid style thing i haven't really noticed elsewhere. idk). i just don't know why you'd bother with doing your dialogue in an old-fashioned way and styling your set and costumes so elaborately just to throw out words that shouldn't exist in the setting. i mostly think it wouldn't be a big deal to change them and don't understand why that effort wasn't put in.
these are mostly minor gripes but they all cumulate into CC being something i'm going to watch a handful of times and listen to a few songs from and not much else i fear. maybe theyll get like 1 fic out of me. we will see
#asks; misc#cc#i did not see this ask before our little argument lol hopefully ur still ok with me answering it#no hard feelings on my end i am just tapped out of that discussion that i never rly intended to have in the first place#but lmk if youd like me to delete this no trouble
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i've been kinda noodling on some thoughts for the past few months based on posts ive seen discussing fandom (not a vague to those posts or people rbing them bc a) thatd be silly and b) i cant remember who rbs what anyway lol)
anyway my thoughts are like...whilst i understand the want and wish to go back to more close knit, active fandom where its a community and everyone is heard and there's trades and events and dscussions on and everyone is rbing everythng i think its also..well, a bit disrespectful of peoples time to expect this all the time?
like idk i truly think a lot of people have less time these days, with employers squeezing so much out of their workers, a lot more people being chronically sick and exhausted bc of the pandemic. put that on top of there being a constant increase in media and art to check out every single year, and people who may be wary about fandom bc of past experience and drama like...are you surprised people are bouncing around more? are u surprised theyre maybe hanging on the side nd keeping to themselves?
like i've seen posts getting annoyed/being judgy about people not sticking with a fandom for longer than a few years and like
do you know how many things there are to check out at all times?? sayign this as someone who has liked and rbed pokemon art for nearly 10 years now, i have dozens of indie games i want to play, many shows i want to check out, art i'd actually like to make myself, indie webcomics i try to keep up with, music artists i'd like to check out more, youtube video essayists i'd like to support, and dont get me started on books and movies, which i've barely even stepped my toes into! there's so much!! of course people are going to move on!! there's so much in the world to see! all on top of real life!
fandom isnt like...a contract? its not something ur bound to. people can very much move on bc theyre busy or something else caught their attention, or they're just not feeling it anymore! fandoms fizzling out more these days isnt because people just suddely have terrible attetion spans its because media is more accessible than even and there's More of it, constantly. people have a limited time in life to check out and eperience the art they want to. fandom isnt a brand and you arent losing loyal customers (i say this as a small artist but that entitlement to peoples time and attention very much feels like SOME people have this attitude towards those who like their art and like. stop. you aren't entitled to either of those things actually. please treat people like people and not a number u desperately need to go up)
and like people will say yes there is so much but u can stil just choose a few fandoms to be super active in and its like well i mean they could but again. they also dont need to do that? if people do just want to come into a fandom, look at some art for a while (drawing, fics, whatever), take that into how they process and see the piece of media nd then go 'ok great, thanks bye' thats like..thats fine? they're not doing anything morally wrong by doing that. not everyone has the time and headspace to make new friends and comment on literlly everything they see. sure i certainly think leaving commets here and ther should always be encouraged, (i try to leave a nice comment on every art i reblog, and if i like a fic i will always give it a kudos and maybe a comment if i have somethig to say) and leaving likes where u can is good, but i think this expectation that everyone should put in a lot of effort into fandom is just..not realistic? people have lives, man. rich, inner lives that are not just the media they like online
#idk i think about a post i saw a while back that was like 'fandom is a community- not a marketplace!'#and its like. well yeah kinda. but some people are kinda gonna see t like that.#a buffet of things to peruse and try after the main media. and as long as they dont try to treat you like content making machine#(which is a real issue) and instead just go 'cool beans yeah' and then leave#then i think thats fine actually??#not everyoe....wants to speak to the author. not everyone has the time to join the discord and do art trades#idk. i uderstand more passive fandom goers can make people feel lonely and that is unfortuante#but i dont think they're doing anything wrong#they have their own lives and they're not like...obligated to support you or your work#i think the only incorrect way to engage is fandom is by being harssing and rude and critical when not asked#i uderstd the want and need for connecction!! i understand wantinng people to connect to your art and have it get popular!#these are reasonable!! but you have to be reasonable too. about people and their lives and their time#luke rambles
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Hi! If I may, this is not about Widderwood, but the way you talked about witchcraft in a recent answer, "Real world witchcraft is literally just moving with intention and cause & effect" and "it helps with being delibreate with my life": seems quite interesting, but would you care to elaborate, if you wish and have time? Or is there a previous post here or somewhere else where you already talked about your view on witch spirituality? Sorry if I bother, obviously you're free to not answer and ignore this message if it's too personal or annoying. Thank you for sharing your art and world!
Yeah I'll try to explain. Unfortunately when people hear magic or witchcraft they of the media fantasy version of witchcraft or whatever when that's not what it is at all. It's just like any religion in that it focuses on cultivating life morals, cause & effect (praying to a God for blessings is similar!), and can be utilized by less than great people for power and control over others.
Witchcraft varies greatly by culture and even the person, but I can only speak from European centric stuff and my own practice. For background, I've followed my own path since I was around 12 with no guidance from others.
Spells work by focusing intention. You want x, so you create a small ritual that helps to focus on the task and what you really want and how to get to that point, like any goal setting. Often rituals are repeated for greater power to achieve a result- just like a habit. Spiritually speaking, the reasoning is often considered that everything has an energy, and this energy can be manipulated, or that there are God(s) at work. Psychology speaking, these rituals simply help you realize what you actually want to work toward and give you the gumption to go for it. For both, it's commonly believed that spells won't work unless you put in the actual, real effort to work toward a goal- and that is part of the magic. It is the act of creation. And failure is just as likely, especially if you don't plan for it or are unrealistic. You can't make someone love you or win 1 mil, but you do have the power to be kind to others and better your finances by education or similar opportunities... and even if you fail anyway, there is always something you learn from it. You just have to be intentional.
I fully believe you don't have to believe in God's or ghosts or anything to do witchcraft. The fact it works to better our lives- even if it really is just in our brains at the end of the day- is enough. And just like how people has historically leaned on a Christian God to get through times of hardship- that's what I use it for. To better myself, to realize what I want to work toward in life, and to make a conscious effort toward it. It isn't a replacement for professional help, but the addition of witchcraft has significantly helped me in my own mental health, continued betterment as a person, and appreciate living.
Tarot cards are similar. They assume fortune telling = fate, which imo is wrong. Some people think theyre demonic, some think theyre "stupid" because of the connection to spirituality, and some people consider them too serious and scary, but like all tools you have to use them right, and by God do they work when you do! Tarot cards are absolutely amazing as prompts. Ask a reasonable question, get a card, and notice what emotions and thoughts come to mind immediately- you have all the answers within you, you just might not be paying attention... and Tarot works as a surrogate third party to reflect and help you pay attention to what you really feel. Witchcraft rituals all work essentially the same way.
There's also more woo-woo centric things like ghosts and fae and such. I personally am on the fence on it all but "believe just in case" lol. I've experienced many paranormal things but also know it could be caused by my autism, trauma, or whatever else. But it isn't hurting me or anyone else.. so it doesn't matter!
This is all a ramble and probably hard to understand if you aren't already very familiar with these kind of eccentric things. I work with a lot of chemistry so I've personally noticed how close witchcraft things are to science and even therapy- and likewise how a lot of past beliefs of magic were actually just yet unexplained science & medicine.
At the end of the day, I know everything may be an illusion from my various ailments and perspective. But that's perfectly okay, because it has done nothing but make me happier, more emotionally strong, and helped me focus to better my life and relationships. It's made me a much better, intelligent person and is the perfect fit for my life, though it may not be for everyone. Our variance, weirdness, and mysteries are the beauty of being alive.
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Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 8 Matsuribayashi pt. 8
Now, whether or not this sways your heart towards sympathy in the forthcoming events is really something to mull over. Can suffering tragedy at such a young age justify the eventual atrocities one winds up committing in their adulthood? That really depends on you, and your outlook on morality I suppose. Just as a random example, can having an abusive childhood excuse you from ordering the deaths of two thousand or so people?
Probably a smart thing to be doing when youâre not a hundred percent sure if youâre still being hunted for escaping the abuse factory.
Nothing to really do with anything, but how much do you suppose something like the console ports of Higurashi cost to make? Couple million, maybe ten at most (translate into whatever yen amount is appropriate, I used USD)? Obviously you have to pay your voice actors, and the artists for the new art, but it probably isnât something that breaks the bank right? I know that itâs not exactly a precise tool to use, but according to steamcharts the highest player count for one of these games tops out at around 350 people. Again, not a precise tool because these have probably been available elsewhere for years prior to their steam release (for instance I play them on GOG, except for Hou+ which didnât release on GOG for reasons I donât know).
The reason I bring it up is because despite all the new art for some of the scenes, and characters and so on, I canât help but love when it goes with a relatively low tech option and just zooms in on a characters face. Like the scene where Miyoko is yelling at God in a thunderstorm above. It just pixelates it a bit, and I find that kind of endearing that despite throwing more money at these higher-end ports it still has these small rinkydink workarounds.
Also, and I know I say this a lot, they havenât quite said who the mysterious voice Miyoko heard was that day. Perhaps theyâll say who it was later on in the chapter, part of me wants to assume it is some aspect of Hanyuu. Even though that doesnât make a bit of sense considering this scene occurs far away from Hinamizawa.
Another thing I thought about doing just because it amuses me is Iâm considering plopping Miyokoâs head onto Arnold Schwarzeneggerâs body from Predator.
Yeah, thatâs the stuff right there. (The most annoying part is finding pictures for my little shitposts that are actually decent quality, and not 320x200, incidentally I had to get the screenshot myself from a copy of Predator I owned). I donât know why you people put up with my medium effort sillies.
Godâs not done with you yet Miyoko. Although it is remarkable you didnât get blasted with a bunch of splinters when he struck the tree with lightning. Also, not to keep the plot from moving along, a burning tree does provide some warmth you know? Probably not where you should hide since the people from the orphanage would probably check around the remains of the tree, but you know, temporary solutions.
Also, just a fun amusing fact, when the lightning strike happened here it caused the game to crash. It was pretty funny timing all things considered.
Not to yell at the fictional child, but maybe you should count your blessings kid. Youâre out of the rain for the moment, you donât have to sit in the rain and catch pneumonia. I like the phrase of âit looked like this phone booth had been put there as punishment for doing something bad.â Itâs a very amusing line, and it definitely strikes me as the sort of thought a kid would have despite their recent difficulties.
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Same anon from before. No, I still truly donât feel like any of this is enough. I donât trust myself or my own judgement to make the right decisions on these things and rely on whoever I believe falls into the category of âmore right than notâ (you would fall into that!) because I just want to not get yelled at. I want other people to be liberated too so I recognize that itâs not about my feelings but to that end I also believe I shouldnât matter here and as a privileged person just be told (1/2
(2/2) What to do by people who know better than me. I know Iâll never be perfect or do enough so why shouldnât the better among us just force us into a revolution right now? Iâm too trapped by my job to be able to do local organizing. All the protests happen either while Iâm at work or are already happening when I didnât know it. People say to either take time for you or spend all your time on educating yourself and organizing but where does that leave my life? Worthless, I think. I wish someone Would just tell me so. Tell me yes or no; am I living correctly or not? Am I properly dedicating myself to what truly matters or not? I donât want a revolution that happens after you and I are gone. I want one yesterday. I want one where we actually, ACTUALLY LEGIT force people to change their ways. Like, âsacrificing all your excess clothes and frivolus toys to the effortsâ kind of force. I fucking hate living in this grey area where we could be trying our best but be unknowingly commiting evil At any time. Iâm sorry, that was a lot. JustâŠI donât know what Iâm supposed to do. I donât know what that says about me if I wish we just had hard and fast, unflinching RULES about how we should be acting right now and people to enforce it instead of being left to wade through our own flaws and imperfections and internal biases. I wish I could have them surgically removed and make myself a perfect fighter for justice
Well⊠I donât really know what to say other than Iâm sorry. I know itâs not enough and will never feel like enough. I know that uncertainty is painful and so is living under structures that we didnât ask to be built. I donât think that wanting to escape those things says anything particularly bad about you. I think all of us do. But the revolution didnât come yesterday, and things just are what they are⊠At some point, you have to be able to make peace with that. Not to the extent of accepting the way things are, but to the extent that you can still see value in your life and in putting in the work to change things. Whatever work you can do.
Knowing whether or not youâre doing the âright thingâ can only come from your own convictions. Those will solidify the more you learn and act on them and see the results. That, I think, is how you cope with the uncertainty. You do what is within your power, and you believe in what is within the reasonable scope of your observations. Even if there really was someone who you could rely on to tell you how to live correctly and what truly matters, you would still have to have a reason to personally believe that they were âmore right than not.â I know it sucks, I really do. But you have to let go of the fantasy of being able to just give the reins to someone else. You have to see yourself as someone capable of conviction.
And believe me, I know how frustrating it is to deal with the limits. I am also annoyed at protests always happening on weekends when blue collar workers donât get to have the day off to attend, including me. Iâm annoyed at how many events I donât get to go to because nobody requires masks indoors. Iâm endlessly angry about how much time and strength I waste on my full time retail job just to be allowed to live in some degree of dignity when I could be putting that energy toward organizing. I hate how many layers there are to this beast that makes organizing inaccessible to the people who need it most. And I hate the limits of my body sometimes, too. But it is what it is and it wonât get better if we donât accept it for what it is and work out what to do about it.
Regardless of any âvalueâ that someone could assign your life, you have a right to be here like anyone else. And you are not as powerless as people would like you to think, nor as powerless as you would probably be relieved to think. We have an obligation to do what we can to improve things, and for most of us, thereâs a lot more that we can do than we know. But thereâs still a lot that we canât do. And itâs so despair inducing at times like this, but we canât let that stop us from doing something.
I know youâre probably just venting and I donât really know what I can say to make any of this easier. I also donât necessarily think itâs true to say that Iâm âmore right than not.â But Iâve hit suicidal rock bottom before and I donât wish that for you. I know it hurts to work toward an ideal world knowing that we likely wonât live to see it if it even comes to exist at all. I know it hurts to know that our lives are dependent on the exploitation of others in ways that we canât currently entirely avoid. But in the same way, our lives support other lives. And we can strengthen that support so long as we live and try. Thatâs what gets me through.
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I originally posted this April 27th, 2015 on Facebook. I think itâs past due for a repost and wider audience:
I'm going to rant. Quite a long rant. I tried to properly organize my thoughts, but I can't promise I fully succeeded. Opinions are welcome. Unless it's unfounded bs, then just please walk away. Anyway, here goes.
Hate.
hate
â verb (used with object), hat·ed, hat·ing.
to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.
to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.
â verb (used without object), hat·ed, hat·ing.
to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
â noun
intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
the object of extreme aversion or hostility.
We sometimes throw that word around like it's nothing. "I hate that food", "I hate that show", "I hate this/that". But how many times do we actually mean it? How many of those things we profess to hate on a daily basis actually stir feelings of extreme/intense hostility/aversion within us? Usually those things we claim to hate simply annoy us at best.
Now, "hate", when you mean it, is a big deal. For example, there's really only one thing that comes to mind if I'm asked "What do I really hate?" And that thing stirs up utterly unhealthy feelings of anger and resentment in me. I'm not kidding, I feel murderous. That is pure unadulterated hate. It's a feeling that makes you want to hurt/destroy something.
Well, I've thought about this dozens of times, and I finally felt the need to articulate it:
My memory's not very good. I remember very little of my childhood or growing up in general. But one thing I do remember is trying to be friends with everyone or trying to treat everyone the same. (This was before constant teasing/bullying led to developing social anxiety.) I didn't discriminate: boy, girl, tall, short, white, black, younger, older, whatever. I was as nice as I could be. I'll admit to straying from this path as I got older and more cynical but even then I never hated anyone or thought of myself as better than anyone. I could not, and I still can't, understand why someone would be mean or cruel or claim to hate someone else for being a little different. Be annoyed by it? Alright, that's plausible. But I couldn't, and can't, understand how some people can have this feeling of superiority that makes them think they have the right to hate or treat people like they're dirt. So, I've always wondered: what has to happen to a person that they could feel those things? More specifically, feel those things toward something that cannot be changed or does not actively antagonize them.
Are they taught? If I recall correctly, I never was. Who would teach something like that? The aforementioned thing that inspires feelings of deep hatred in me took years to reach such a peak and half a dozen lines had to be crossed before I snapped. And I would give anything to get rid of this feeling. So why would someone purposefully instill this in another being? If it's not taught, then how? Where does it come from? Like I said, my one true hatred was something that had to be worked at. It's something that personally attacked me, an antagonizing force in my life. A label can't do that. Someones race, gender, sexuality, likes, dislikes, etc. can't actively antagonize you. So how can you come to truly hate these things?
How is it that such innocuous things could come to inspire such hate in an individual, or groups of individuals? A hate that develops to a point where you try to demonize people for things that they have no power over, things they can't change. To a point where you put serious effort into taking rights away from people; people who've done nothing to you or anyone else?
How does a person come to hate so? It just doesn't seem possible, yet it's happened throughout history and it is still happening. I can't wrap my head around it, hard as I have tried.
And the one alternative I can come up with, that it's not hate but an annoyance that's been confused for hate, is even more disturbing. That you could discriminate so strongly against one group that you would actively antagonize them simply because something about them annoyed/bothered you? It's horrifying. How do people not realize this. How do those who work to deny others their rights not understand how horrible their actions are? It's so fucking frustrating!
And don't get me started on animal abuse or reproductive rights.
Ok. Rant over.
EDIT
Rant continued:
How is it that so much media exists showing the stark difference love and kindness can do in the world as opposed to hatred and cruelty yet the worldâs loud majority chooses to spew the latter? How could someone hear The Beatles âLet It Beâ or Michael Jacksonâs âMan in the Mirrorâ and not feel a need to strive for compassion? How can you read a book or watch a movie and root for the good guy and not realize when youâre backing the bad guy in real life? How can you consume popular media and not feel moved toward betterness? Or is media harmful? Does history repeat itself because people see it not as a warning of what could happen but as a story that could never come true today? Like a scary movie? It feels cliched to cite V for Vendetta, but here goes:
Evey Hammond: My father was a writer. You would've liked him. *He used to say that artists use lies to tell the truth, while politicians use them to cover the truth up.*
(I also want to cite Harry Potter as an example but JK Rowlingâs a piece of trash so Iâm conflicted. If you read it, you know what I mean. If you didnât, donât. Unless you do it like Jack Sparrow đ)
Back to the topic at hand. I beg of you. Donât see media as âa big lieâ. Something that couldnât come to pass. See it as a lesson. Learn from history. Learn from art. Choose love. Choose compassion. Choose empathy.
Be kind.
Okay, end rant.
#popular media#history#no h8#fuck trump#love#media literacy#antifascist#jack sparrow#WWtGGD (what would the golden girls do)#facebook#art#choose love#v for vendetta#media#history repeats itself#empathy#pop culture#anti trump#fuck jkr#harry potter#pirate bay#hope#let it be#man in the mirror#trump lies#would Mr Rogers be okay with this#evey hammond#definition#rant post#compassion
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back to cycle breaking
I had a difficult conversation today
with my oldest son who was treating me
as thought I didn't know my own reality
and it's still hard for me to be playful with
hits too close to what he's watched of men
that I've been with in his life
my heart tightens at the energy
and I reminded him that I understand
why he is talking to me and acting like he is
but I do happen to be both intelligent enough
and self-aware enough to be objective about
my experience and lived knowledge about some things
and it's fine to have different opinions
but respect tends to have limited levels
and he was standing on the lower ones with me
and he wanted to end the conversation
again the learned behavior was like another hit
but I stayed calm and kept assertive
we'll all have to relearn how life is going to be
and I'm quite a bit different when I'm not so
chronically beaten down in spirit
the physical tightness makes it difficult to breathe
because I'll likely get a following conversation
from his father about what I should or should not
have conversations about with my son
it's still very hard to him to believe
that I might just be able to describe my own experience
of the reality that he loves to analyze
without even having to participate in it
rather convenient and somewhat biased I think
we have conversations and I feel that familiar frustration
but instead of shutting myself down for his comfort
I just keep on rambling about what I lived
and whatever you survive does happen to be owned by you
so you get to tell the story however you want to
even if the role in the experience is not one
that you may like to remembering playing
he describes his way of thinking
and how he's gotten quite high in the hierarchy of his work
and my mouth is a nest of sunbeam smiles
when I easily mirror his path and describe my own
ability to see multiple threads and possibilities
though his tends to be more from past experience
and I like for focus on things I can imagine
that haven't quite been invented in my timeline yet
but I have a real annoying habit of not liking to
repeat lessons that I've learned from the past
when I'm able to figure out the patterns
and he still doesn't like some that he's made
so he wants me to ignore them
and I'm not really good at that anymore
not when I had t cut them out and re-spin them
I don't really like wasting effort if I can help it
but I feel and express the emotions
and my lungs fill with oxygen and the tightness
slips out like my long sigh of breath
it's far less exhausting than the rage
and I plan on putting that passion
toward far more creative and intentional purposes
and I hope someday he can do the same
but first it's going to be uncomfortable
this time likely for both of us
but I'm getting sort of chummy with discomfort
so we'll likely have different experiences
and this time we'll both remember our parts
and so will my son
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Spotting Akechi out here, waiting in the front of Penguin Sniper, was just like old times. In that sense, it was easy to forget (or, perhaps, he wanted it to be) that they were still here, in this world where everything was backwards. He made an effort to pull out a usual greeting, to be more playful as he tended to be, and Akechi wasted no time in dismissing it.
âYeah? You got other reasons for standing here and doing nothing nowadays?â he whipped out in return, settling a hand on his hip. It seemed that the popularity of the detective prince persona was far less here, and Goro wasn't running the risk of being mobbed by fans anymore. Not that Akira was particularly aware of why the brunette saw fit to stand out here idly before, but whatever reason that might be, it was surely gone by now.
It was true that his friends were back from their trace now, and that put him in a much better mood than he'd been in before, where he more commonly vacillated between defensive and annoyed. At least he could find a bit of a lighter tone now.
Akechi observed as much himself, but Akira was quick to shrug it off. âThey're not here right now and I thought pool sounded fun.â He didn't particularly want to divulge too much of his thoughts on the matter. As a signal to this, he took one step up the stairs towards the club's door. âYou gonna make me go in there and play by myself?â
@moonsmultimusings asked: â i thought youâd like some company. â - from akira! | an assortment of dialogue prompts
"That's an idiotic thing to assume."
The answer was a knee-jerk response, and as such it was far harsher than it should have been. Akira hadn't done anything specific that would have been deserving of his ire, but it simply felt-- safer to be on edge and to respond with a barbed tongue and sharp words at first.
Red eyes shifted, turning to look over at where Akira was standing. Akechi himself was where it felt like he always was, standing near the entrance of Penguin Sniper as if he were just waiting for someone to come up to him and invite him out for-- something. If he thought too much about it, Akechi might have even started to wonder if perhaps this was a sign that he wasn't here, wasn't real. Just another puppet put into play by Maruki to appease someone's deepest desire.
-- no. That wasn't true. He... had a home. He went home. Didn't he?
A beat, and Akechi sighed as he let his gaze shift back to the business behind him. "You have your friends back, don't you? I would have thought you'd be eager to spend time with them."
#ÂŽ  . â¶muse; đ§đąđ¶đŽđ”đȘđąđŻ đłđŠđŁđŠđđđȘđ°đŻ âŠ
kurusu akira âŠ#{ akira is just Guy Who Sucks. sorry lmaO }#{ you can pry him saying 'i wanted to spend time with you' from his cold dead hands }#justicepuppet
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blogging about flight rising on main made me nostalgic so i took a quick look thru my flight rising art folder and i found this old wip that is unfinished and hasnt been touched since 2018. i still really like it, it hasnt aged too much really like a lot of my old art has, but maybe that's because its still unfinished. (btw that like, weird uncolored liquid was going to be lava lol </3)
really though it's making me a bit nostalgic for my old lineart style.. like man i kinda do miss having those types of lines. idk something about it just feels more organic and free flowing compared to my lines now, plus the pen pressure edges... but it always took so fucking long to do it that way and the inconvenience of having to bust out my tablet every time i wanted to draw... my current lineart style is quicker and more convenient which i like but i feel like im sacrificing something i used to have with my old style... </3
anyway this is my dragon ignacia btw.
#argh looking at fr is making me want to go back to it#but like i feel like i just have to say. i cant.#because whenever i do rejoin i like dedicate so much time to it#and i just cant do that yknow i have other hobbies i have jobs i have things to do i cant#but idk even though my typical playstyle is not the hardcore grind kind of way#i still feel like its not casual enough for me to like find that right balance#i wish i could just pop in for like 10 minutes a day and then be satisfied#and not annoyed with myself for not putting more time and effort in towards whatever im doing on the site#like its either grinding to make money for dragon projects or its writing stuff on site for my dragon characters#its always like theres something to do but god damnit i have other things in life i gotta do than dragon petsite stuff DX#so i always go so hard for like a few months and then i say ok i have to stop dedicating so much time#and so then i just fall away entirely and dont log in for years at a time#i can never find that right balance !!!#brot posts
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Shades of Cool
âmy baby lives in shades of cool, cold heart and hands of aptitude.â
or the one where joel canât seem to stay away from you despite his efforts to. but itâs not like he tried very hard to begin with.
whatâs playing đ§ : shades of cool by lana del rey
pairing : joel miller x female!reader
word count : 9k
CONTENT WARNINGS : SMUT, creampie, breeding kink if u squint, oral f receiving, fingering, loss of virginity, virginity kink if u squint yet again, tummy bulge, unspecified age gap and joel kind of has a thing for it, unprotected sex, (pls wear a condom guys im just a mf on tumblr) multiple orgasms, a tad of overstimulation, allusions to male masturbation, dirty talk, pet names, mating press, prone bone, light dom/sub dynamics, reader def has some unresolved daddy issues mean!joel but theres some soft joel
TRIGGER WARNINGS : minor character death/reference to his death but he literally doesn't exist in the show i promise, canon-typical violence, mentions of blood, mentions of guns, implied/references to sexual harassment
a/n : this is my first time uploading to tumblr, forgive me if my layout is funky lol, anyways pls enjoy <3 read the second part here
you swallowed hard when you saw joel making his way towards the alleyway you two routinely met up in. watching as he did his typical side to side glance, casual in presence but it was muscle memory for him to ensure the safety of his environment no matter itâs location or the mundaneness of it.Â
you quite disliked the feeling that pricked your chest and quickly spread inside the cavity, overflowing up into your throat and drowning out any coherent thoughts in your mind whenever you saw joel.Â
it was annoying. pathetic even. just a silly schoolgirl crush you hoped would go away in time.Â
you put aside the fluttering feelings for later, and waved, catching his attention. he sent a curt nod, rubbing his palms together before pushing them into his denim pockets. âhey.â he greeted you, if you could really call it that.Â
you took whatever you could get from him, so you smiled, parroting it back with a nervous politeness.Â
âdo you have the uhâŠâ you trailed off, feeling embarrassed that you struggled to even verbalize what you were trading.Â
he raised a brow, folding his arms over his chest, looking at you expectingly. âi got it. you got the rations?â he finished speaking for you and you nodded enthusiastically, hurriedly pulling out the thick wad of rations you worked your ass off for.Â
he shut his eyes with exasperation for a few seconds before hovering his larger hand over the wad, miraculously dwarfing your own hand. âdonât wave it around kid, jesus,â he sighed, shaking his head while palming it and sliding it away into his back pocket.Â
âsorryâŠâ you muttered embarrassedly.Â
he didnât reply, and instead handed you a box, bright purple and pink and your gaze slowly rose up to his face with a slightly ajar mouth. âuh. joel.â you started, voice leading into an upward trail of confusion.Â
âif i wanted tampons i could have easily gotten this myself.â you wanted to hide the slight irritation in your tone but he caught on to it, unfolding his arms to jab the top of the box with his index finger. âhow about you open it smartass.â he instructed dryly, moving backward and refolding his arms.Â
your eyes lingered on him tryingly for a few more seconds, huffing quietly to yourself before flipping the cardboard flap up.Â
again. tampons.Â
you tilted it towards him and he dragged his hand down his face tiredly. he dug his hand into the box, the tampons shoved to the sides, revealing a small pistol.Â
your mouth fell open into a comical O shape, laughing in awe. âoh!â you giggled and joel stared at you blankly, already feeling a hankering for a straight shot of whiskey at the bright and early hour of 8:30am.Â
âvery creative.â you beamed and it seemed as though joel fought back a smile behind a glare. at least, you told yourself that.Â
âjust enough for gullible people.â he pushed at a button of yours, just a little, and you paused for a second, shooting him a playful glare. âwhatever,â you exhaled through a quiet chuckle.Â
âthank you joel, i appreciate the um. tampons, i was running low.â you played along with the bit and he rolled his eyes, nodding, already ready to go back home.Â
âsure thing.â he was about to turn and walk out of the alleyway but something held him in his spot.Â
he took in a deep inhale before making eye contact with you, rendering you back into your nervous state from when he first arrived.Â
âwhy do you need a pistol? weâve only ever traded for small things. why the sudden big order?â he has absolutely no clue why heâs asking you this, or rather, he has no idea why heâs letting himself ask this.Â
he shouldnât care. he doesnât.Â
you stiffened, straightening your back and holding the box to your stomach, hands cupping the bottom of it. âjust to keep at my place. thought iâd feel safer with it.â you answered truthfully, making sure to not go further into detail.Â
his squinted eyes stay on you for awhile, unsure of what you needed to feel safe from. âare you uhâŠin any trouble?â he asks and you feel a little excitement ignite in your lower belly.Â
is he worried about you?
âno! no not at all, i justâŠi donât know,â you try to laugh it off but the silence between you two just feels heavy instead. âwhy do you ask?â you question and he shrugged.Â
âif youâre in trouble, i donât need it somehow coming back to me. i got enough shit i need to worry about.â he answered and the bubble inside you popped and deflated almost immediately.Â
âoh, well no need to worry about that. itâs nothing like that, youâll be fine.â you decided to end the conversation there, a cold feeling of humiliation that prods at your shoulders and throat alerting you that itâs best to just walk away before you can say anything else that might make the situation more unbearable.Â
âthanks joel.â you added, quickly making your way out the alleyway. âbe careful with that thing.â he called out after you, and you feel the bubble slowly start to shamelessly inflate itself once more.Â
maybe he does care. even if itâs just a little.Â
â
you hid the box in the shoddy nightstand you had lugged up into your apartment from off the street one night, and exhaled lowly, pursing your lips. âthis is good.â you stated to yourself.Â
the whole reason why you wanted a gun, was kind of useless if you really put some actual thought into it.Â
it really was just for the comfort of your mind, putting the nerves you had at ease. like a security blanket of sorts.Â
fedra soldiers occasionally conduct inspections, making a mess of peopleâs homes to look for any contraband, firefly propaganda, weapons, anything that so much acts as an eyesore to them is grounds for permanent confiscation.Â
thereâs a specific solider that just makes you uncomfortable, makes your skin prickle up into sharp goosebumps and makes your stomach churn like dry gears rubbing up against each other.Â
the way his eyes follow you around, rejoicing in his power over you and how you cowered away from him.Â
they come in as pairs to inspect and even if they didnât, he was still taller, stronger, heavily armed and trained and could kill you in front of a crowd of people and still face no consequences. so a singular witness wouldn't stop him from breaking the rules.
if anything, youâve probably just put yourself in more danger carrying a weapon. but you felt that if you had it, you maybe had a fighting chance in case push came to shove.Â
you collected yourself into your very depressing excuse of a bed, lifting the fraying crotched blanket over your body, pretending you were anything less than semi uncomfortable.
the next morning, you woke up with a slightly sore feeling that resided in just about every crevice of your body but you ignore it, as itâs a common thing to wake up to if youâve got what basically feels like laying on a napkin as a bed, and using what feels like an even thinner napkin as a blanket.Â
you readied yourself to participate in street clean up, since you had to take on more shifts than usual to make up for the hefty chunk of rations you gave to joel.Â
â
a bandana resided around your nose, neatly but tightly tied behind your head, doingâŠdefinitely not enough to cover the stench of cleaning the sludge off the streets.Â
"the fuck would i need coffee beans for asshole? hit me up when youâve actually got good shit to trade.â you overheard two guys a few feet away from you bickering, your ears perking up at the mention of coffee beans.Â
you remembered joel vaguely mentioning how heâd kill for a cup of coffee, and you agreed on that sentiment, even though youâve never once had coffee. the point being, heâd been out of coffee for awhile, unable to find anyone who has it, and you figured maybe scoring him a bag would be a nice sign of gratitude for the pistol.Â
you pulled down your bandana, walking over to the guy once the other one walked off. âhi, um i didnât mean to eavesdrop but i heard you have coffee beans? iâd be willing to trade for them.âÂ
âi donât take kindly to nosyââ he cut himself off mid sentence once he turned to look at you, his eyes dragging up and down your body and you wondered in that moment if it was worth the hassle of talking to this. thing.Â
but then you thought of joel, and how maybe heâd smile at you, thank you with a tight bear hug and suddenly, it did all seem worth it.Â
âyeah, yeah iâd definitely be happy to trade with you,â he grinned and you laughed, trying to hide your disgust with fake excitement. âgreat! what would you want for it? i have some spare shampoo bars, a pair of wool socks i was saving for winter, orââÂ
he cut you off this time, leaning into your space closer and you instinctively backed away. âi was thinking maybe something different.â he alluded to something that made cleaning up literal shit off the street seem a lot more pleasant.Â
your face fell and you lifted up your bandana. âyeah, nevermind. thanks anyway.âÂ
you turned on your heel and he groaned, calling after you. âthe socksâŠâ he huffed, rubbing the side of his chin. âare they soft?â he mumbled, avoiding eye contact.Â
you tugged down the bandana again, smiling brightly. âvery!âÂ
â
you scheduled another meet up with joel, excited to gift him the bag of coffee beans.Â
you were slightly sad to let go of the socks, your feet always got so cold in the winter and the nights were already starting to increase in frigidness, but itâs okay, you could always find another pair of socks again, but you didnât know if youâd have another chance to pleasantly surprise joel like this.Â
against joelâs typical judgment, he said to just stop by his apartment, feeling too tired to lug himself down into the alleyway again.Â
but all you heard from that was he trusted you enough into his personal space. which, as much as joel would deny it, is true.Â
he could clearly envision you apologizing to a fly for so much as being in its way, so inviting you over posed as nowhere near a threat.Â
you knocked at his door, hiding the bag behind your back before he opened it. the wind got knocked out of you once more at the sight of him. he was very much older than you, easily the age of a man who could be your father, but that didnât erase any of his attractiveness.Â
in the deepest part of your subconscious, you knew that thatâs what added onto it.Â
âhi!â you chirped and he stepped to the side, widening his door to let you in. âhi.â he repeated, drier but, not unhappily.Â
âwhatâd you wanna trade for again?â he asked, his hand rubbing the side of his stubbly jaw, and you had to look away, knowing youâd just watch him in silence if you didnât.Â
âactually,â you hummed, nearly bursting at the seems with glee. he watched you curiously, unaware of the slight smile on his face as he watched you tip toe closer with your hand still behind your back.Â
âi didnât come by to trade. i got you a gift!â he rested his palms behind him on the small table, his broad shoulders seeming even broader now and you wanted to run your hands across the expanse of them.Â
âa gift?â he asked, breaking you out of your trance. he sounded genuinely shocked, almost unable to believe you. âmhm!â you nodded, a smile still etched on your features.Â
âclose your eyes, and open your hands.â you instructed, and he tilted the side of his head to you, wordlessly saying really?Â
you nudged your chin, motioning for him to listen, your way of replying with yes, really.
he eyed you before shaking his head, standing up straight and closing his eyes, his palms bared out for you, muttering a quiet, i have no idea why iâm listeninâ to you.Â
you plopped the bag of coffee into his hands, sing songing a soft ânow open!âÂ
he opened his eyes, his lips parting in awe. he laughed out of disbelief, and your heart soared with joy as you saw him smile, and widely at that.Â
âkidâŠyouâŠwhy? i mean, god, thank you, but why?â he asked and you shrugged, rocking back and forth on your heel to your toes. âtake it as a thanks for my pist-i mean tampons.â you joked and he chuckled, shaking his head and putting the beans down onto the table.Â
âwell, thank you, thatâs mighty kind of you.â he looked downward at you, and you looked back up at him, trying to memorize the way his lips were curled, the sweet lines by his eyes and the way he just seemed so happy by such a small act of kindness.Â
âno biggie!â you replied, and he darted his eyes away for a moment before turning back to you. âdo you know how to use your gun?â he asked and you felt your face grow hot with slight embarrassment.Â
âuh. i mean you just aim and pull the trigger right?â you asked honestly and he blinked a few times before shaking his head. âokay so you donât.â and you squinted at him. âi could teach you. get you some extra bullets too.â he remedied the half joking comment with his offer and you perked up.Â
âyeah? you would?â you asked excitedly and he nodded. ââcourse. you just went from tolerated, to slightly more tolerated in my book. so iâm gonna help you not accidentally shoot yourself in the foot.âÂ
you didnât like how you actually felt a twinge of sadness at his obvious joke about only tolerating you. he was kidding, but sometimes it was hard to tell because he had the same monotone, slightly annoyed at everything everyone has to say, kind of voice.Â
and you were a sensitive person, and even the most harmless jokes could manage to sting you.Â
âwell jeez arenât you sweet.â you complimented with sarcasm. joel threw on his flannel, ignoring your comment. you stepped aside while he made his way to the door.Â
âyou comin?â he looked at you, opening the door behind him, waiting for you to follow. you turned around to look behind you stupidly, then back to him. âwhat?â you asked confusedly and he fought the urge to roll his eyes and take back his offer.Â
âweâre gonna start now.â he inclined his head out the door, motioning for you to come along. and who were you to decline doing anything with joel.Â
â
joel was here. in your apartment. in your space, in your air. he was sitting on your bed, the place where youâd occasionally, frequently shove your fingers into places you just knew joel would be able to reach with no effort.Â
he ran his fingers over the barrel of the gun, drumming against its ridges and for a moment you felt a bit envious over the literal inanimate object.Â
âcmere,â he patted the space next to him, waiting for you to be seated so he could get started.Â
with wobbly legs you made your way to him, smoothing over your jeans in an attempt to secretly wipe away your clammy palms.Â
âshow me how you hold it.â he placed it in your hands and it felt foreign to the touch. it was heavier than you expected it to be but you tried to conceal your inexperience by holding it the way youâve seen others handle their firearms.Â
you pointed it at the door, pretending that soldier was in front of you, finger on the trigger and hands at the bottom of it, supporting your grasp.Â
he observed your hold, a low hmm coming from the back of his throat. ânot terrible.â he adjusted your hands, your skin latching onto his heat, claiming it as yours as his body hovered around your side.Â
âhowâs that feel?â he asked and you cleared your throat, blinking a few times and avoiding his close stare. âit uh, it feels better.â you answered and he clicked his tongue, nodding curtly to himself.Â
âalright. now, when you run out of bullets, the magazine at the bottom might drop out but if it doesnât, youâre gonna take it out and reload, you wanna be fast if youâre in the middle of, well whatever situations got you needing to pull out a gun.â there was a slight cadence of a joke in his gun lesson 101, and it made a giddy feeling return to your tummy.Â
he reached in his back pocket, pulling out what you assumed he meant by magazine.Â
he explained the logistics of your newly owned weapon, trying to use terms youâd be able to follow along with, not unaware of how you were watching and listening intently, hanging on to every word he spoke.Â
you were too damn obvious.Â
â
you saw more of joel after that, bumping into him in places you usually didnât see him, yet seemingly excited every time you met.Â
his aloof stare slowly turned softer when it landed on you, maybe it never changed at all but to you it definitely felt different.Â
he swore it was you that had been following him, an air of playfulness in his accusations of you stalking him, but really it was him.Â
he unable to admit to himself that he wandered around the areas he knew you were usually found in, wanting to scold you for having such an easy routine to follow but he kept it to himself.Â
he watched you walk beside him, taking in the sights of the town, wondering how you could possibly appreciate the hellhole that surrounded you all.Â
âso howâs the coffee? any good?â you asked, turning back to look at him, feeling a hushed breath pause in your throat once you saw he was already looking at you.Â
a peek of a smile ghosted over his face. âitâs good. i, i appreciate that you did that. i hope you didnât have to trade too much for it.â guilt resided in him at the thought of you having to give more than you had just for coffee beans. he felt he wasnât worth all that effort.Â
you shook your head, laughing lightly at the memory of the trade. âno no donât worry, just a pair of socks. they were these brown wool socks that were so soft, so iâd say it was a pretty fair trade.âÂ
âiâll be on the look out for a pair like that then.â he was already figuring out who he could trade with to get you another pair of socks. âno itâs okay you donât have to itâs-â
âhey,â his voice felt rich, calling your attention back to him. your chest went tight. âyeah?â you whispered back.Â
âshut up. iâm gettinâ the socks.â there was a backbone of sternness in his lighthearted promise.
you sucked on your bottom lip through a grin before you spoke again.
âi have a confession.â you exhaled, feigning dramatics and he tilted his head towards you, watching you with worried eyes. âyeah?âÂ
âi lied. iâve never had coffee before.â you lowered your head with faux shame and he gasped, shaking his head with disapproval. he paused for a moment, then turned around.Â
you caught up with him, holding onto his arm, feeling hot at the taut feeling of his limb, and how he didnât push you off. he just peered down at you, keeping you there with him. âjeez i didnât think youâd take such offense to that,â you breathed out through a chuckle.Â
âinexcusable. youâre tryin it when we get home.â the twang in his accent was something so attractive, and it only had you feeling more and more willing to do whatever he wanted. youâd drink acid if he asked of it from you in that deep southern drawl.Â
you two walked back to his place, shedding a layer out of many, holding onto it as you trailed in behind him.Â
he glanced over at you, then your coat. âset it down somewhere, you can have a seat.â he pointed at the round table and you quietly thanked him, hanging your coat over the back of the chair before sliding it out and sitting in it.Â
âi remember you have a sweet tooth. damn near talked my head off about trading for a bag of hard candies a few months ago, so i reckon youâd like it sweet.â he mostly talked to himself when he said that, fondly remembering the way you rattled on about how you were craving for caramel drops.Â
âyou remember that?â you were just about swooning, unable to hide it even when joel walked back over to you, two mugs in each hand of his. âhow could i not? you never let me forget it.â he set the mug down in front of you, sipping at his as he leaned back into the chair in front of you.Â
you picked it up, hugging the warmth of it with your palm. you took a light sip, your eye shutting, a low quiet moan leaving your lips from around the mug once the taste landed on your tongue.Â
joel stirred in his seat at the sound, busying himself with drinking from his cup to avoid making any kind of facial expressions.Â
âjoel,â you crooned and he felt weak. âyou like it?â he asked, his lips still curled over the rim of his mug. âitâs so good, i understand why you like it so much.âÂ
âwell, i donât make it as sweet as that, but yeah, coffees good. not a lot of people agree.â he shrugged and you set your mug down in front of you. âcan i taste yours?âÂ
he slid it to you and you lifted it, tasting it and almost immediately wanting to spit it out. you quickly gave it back to him, sipping the sweeter coffee to cleanse your offended palette.Â
âyeah, that tastes like shit, i donât know how you drink that.â you smacked your tongue against the roof of your mouth, the burnt taste not quite leaving you just yet.Â
he rolled his eyes, taking a loud obnoxious slurp. âmy tastebuds are just mature.âÂ
âmature for what? shit? once you hit a certain age do just you grow accustomed to crappy tasting things?â you were dipping into a more casual way of speaking to joel, causing his gaze that rested on you to turn into a view of amusement.Â
ârich cominâ from the kid who still eats like sheâs 5.â he rested his arm against the back of his chair, and you expired, feeling a bit defensive of being called a child.Â
âiâm not a kid.â you muttered and he chuckled. âalright.â he agreed in sentiments but not in actuality.Â
breaking the comfortable silence that filled the room you and joel shared, a loud bang rang from against the door. joel slid from out his chair, hurriedly pacing towards the door.Â
before he could even open it, you already knew it was one of fedraâs soldiers. things were starting to feel a little too lax, it was only a matter of time until they came knocking down doors again.Â
your throat went dry, stomach cinching with anxiety once he stepped inside, the same soldier that had you saving up your rations week after week to be able to afford the pistol from joel.Â
his eyes flickered between you and joel, scoffing to himself. âwhatâs this?â he asked you, ignoring joel who stood right in front of him.Â
ânothing.â you answered, intimidation and fear already prickling at your skin and racing down your spine.Â
joel stood in front of you, shielding you away from him, and slowly, the fear lifted itself itself away from you, but not fully. not while heâs still here.Â
âarenât there usually two of you who do these searches?â joel questioned, watching as the solider jabbed at various things of joelâs with the tip of his rifle.Â
âpartners out sick. so yâall get the pleasure of havin just me.â he flashed an ugly grin at you, bending to the side to see your uncomfortable face behind joelâs back.Â
he walked around, haphazardly lifting and tossing things about.Â
âoh?â he bent down, squatting by joelâs bed. âwhatâs this?â he waved around a baggy full of white powder. joel stiffened, his nostrils flaring in anger.Â
âthatâs not mine and you know it.â and surprisingly it actually wasnât.Â
joel had just sold the last of his pills to a sad sap unable to sleep without them, and that was a month ago. the asshole was planting drugs on him.Â
âthis is not only grounds for confiscation but imprisonment. tough spot youâre in miller.â joel exhaled angrily from a quiet ragged breath.Â
âunless,â he came up to you, pushing past joel to cup your chin. âshe wants to, convince me why i shouldnât take you down for this contraband.â you flinched from his touch but it only made him hold on tighter.Â
joel snatched his wrist away, stepping back in front of you. âyou donât have to involve her. what do you want? rations, half of my next haul? what?â he gritted and the solider just laughed.Â
âyou think i donât have easy access to all that? i want something you canât easily trade for.â he leaned to the side, waving at you.Â
joel pushed him backward, triggering the response of a rifle being shoved in his face. joel didnât so much as waver, grabbing the neck of the firearm, pointing it away from him while his foot came and rammed down onto the front of his shin, successfully knocking him down with a loud wail of pain.Â
it happened so fast all you could do was sit and watch, frozen in place as joel lost himself on top of the solider, pounding and pounding and pounding his fists in relentlessly, not stopping despite the ache trickling over across his knuckles.Â
you heard a sick squelch followed by cracking noises and you knew that shouldâve made you fear joel. it shouldâve made you run out the door and never look back. but it did the opposite. you never wanted to stay more.Â
you watched with wide pupils as he rose up from the beaten and bloodied solider, breathing hard and loud, stumbling upward to a leant stance, staring at the lifeless solider on his wood floors.Â
he wiped his nose with the clean, unbloodied slate of his forearm, before dropping it back to his side to lean forward and spit over the body.Â
he turned back to you, scanning your face for any hurt, fear or disgust.Â
but there was none.Â
before you could say anything, he spoke aloud his thoughts. âi gotta get rid of the body.âÂ
âdo you need help?â you extended a hand willing to assist and joel shook his head a hard no. âyou saw enough, you donât need to see more. iâll be back.âÂ
you stood up, pressing a hand to his chest, looking at him with watery eyes. he wanted to wipe them away from you, but he couldnât. not with the blood that was already starting to cake under his nails.Â
âjoel i want to help.â you admitted, soft voice trembling and joel leaned forward, his face close to yours. âyou should probably go sweetheart, you donât need to get wrapped up further in this.â his words traveled along the coast of a gentle but solid whisper.Â
âi donât want to go.â your voice barely carrying itself loud enough as a reply, eyes following joelâs actions of walking away from you to roll up the soldier in a thin fraying carpet.Â
âyou should.â is all he said, walking out the door with a body dragging behind him.Â
â
you went against any logical thought process whatsoever and stayed. you decided youâd make yourself useful, feeling as though the events that continually replayed in your head felt like your fault.Â
you sat on your knees, scrubbing at the blood that had already set in the floors.Â
you scrubbed until it hurt, and you kept going despite the fact. you dunked the scrubber into the bucket of soapy water turned brown, squeezing the excess onto the floor before rubbing it in.Â
the door clicked open and your head whipped towards it, heart leaping in your chest once you saw joel stumble in.Â
âhi.â you breathed and he looked at you with surprise. he saw the work you busied yourself with, locking the door before making his way to you. âwhatâre you doinâ?â he asked gently, yet again in shock at how unabashedly kind you were to him.Â
âdidnât want the blood just sitting here on your floors. âleast i could do since itâs my fault that all happened.â you sniffled, feeling guilty at what had transpired. though the guilt was there, a sense of gratitude was even larger.Â
he did that, for you.Â
he bent down to catch your watery gaze. âno, no that was not your fault. just got a little carried away. âdonât want you thinkinâ that you had anything to do with my choices, okay?â he leaned to the side, catching your eyes that were avoiding his. âokay?â he repeated, waiting for you to say it back to him.Â
âokay.â you mouthed just below a whisper. he took the bucket and the scrubber, walking to the sink. you of course, trailed behind him.Â
he lifted his sleeves, turning on the faucet to rinse off the dried blood on his hands.Â
he picked at under his nails, scraping the blood off wherever he saw it. which was, every inch of his hands.Â
his body faced back to you, his now cleaned hands picking up yours, seeing specks of blood and dirt splattered on your hands from cleaning his floor.Â
he washed you clean, and all you could do was admire him. how gentle he was taking care of you. he rinsed your skin clear of blood, drying you up and letting your hands rest back to your sides.Â
âiâm sorry you had to see that.â he apologized, feeling ashamed of how little he was in control of his anger in that moment.Â
you shook your head, hands shakily resting on his chest. âno, i donât want you to be sorry.â you murmured, eyes landing on his lips. you swallowed back any fears that held you back from showing your affections any longer.Â
you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his. with a pleasant surprise, he kissed back, no hesitation in his actions. his hold fell to your waist, squeezing, pulling you into him.Â
he took in your air, and you gave it to him, happily, willing to offer it in all its abundance. your hand rose to his cheek, palm resting over his beard. his thumb rested on your chin, rubbing it softly.Â
he forced himself to pull away, his hands selfishly unable to remove themselves from your waist. âsweetheart this isnât a good idea. youâre too young, and iâm not a good man. i think i just showed you that.â he tried to warn you, hushed and gently, with honest intentions of keeping you away from something youâd regret being involved with.Â
but the only thing youâd regret is never being with him.Â
âiâm not, and i donât care what you do joel, i want you, all of you, want you so bad,â you all but whimpered, trying to press yourself against him more.Â
he was a greedy man at heart, pulling you back up for a harder kiss. there was a hot hunger that was electric between you two, a burning ignition that pulled you two in, tying an in separable twine amidst your bodies. but neither of you ever had any intentions of undoing it anyways.Â
he held the side of your cheek, the other traveling from your lower back to your ass, squeezing it hard, using his grip to pull you in closer, grinding up against you right there.Â
you were so needy for him that it rattled your bones. a wet clicking noise elicited from your mouths, tongues brushing up together messily. your chin dribbling with saliva.Â
you moaned in his mouth, feeling the hand that was on your cheek move to hold you by the back of your head, his tilting to kiss you deeper.Â
he untangled your lips, keeping himself not even an inch away, just to share the breath between you two. your tongue flicked over his lips, biting down on the bottom one before lurching forward for him once more.Â
he groaned in your mouth, lifting his hand to come down and spank your ass. you whined, back arching and crotch brushing up against his.Â
you two stumbled towards his bed, your back falling into the mattress. he crawled on top of you, ridding himself of his boots and you of yours.Â
his knee rested on one side of your hip, the other coming between your thighs. your chest rose up into his, your back lifting off the sheets and hands coming up to paw at his chest.Â
without any reservations, you rubbed against his knee, struggling to kiss him back. âfeel good little girl?â he sounded gruff, strained voice trying itâs best to not moan at the way your wet little cunt managed to create a wet spot on his knee.Â
âso good joel,â you gaped, kissing his neck desperately.Â
âshouldnât be touchinâ you like this, sweet little thing like you gettin handled by someone like me,â he breathed through a series of heavy pants, his hands wandering all along your sides, your hips, your thighs.Â
âdonât want anyone else but you.â you whimpered truthfully, holding his wrist and guiding his hand to your chest, right above your heart. you let it drift to the left, shuddering when he squeezed your breast.Â
he kissed your pulse, teeth baring out against it. he rested his hand on your lower belly, rubbing the skin under your tank top. âcan i touch you?â he whispered, his beard tickling the space just below your ear.Â
you nodded, running your hands all along his strong back. âplease,â you bucked your hips upward, begging with not only your words but your body.Â
he exhaled out a quiet chuckle, fingers working to undo your jeans, tugging them down until they were forgotten on the floor.Â
he dipped down beneath your underwear, his cock throbbing in his boxers at how wet you were. so soaked it was pathetic. he hadnât let his hand drift down to the sweet place between those thighs of yours til then, and yet you were as wet as if he had his tongue pressed up against you.Â
actually, thatâs not a bad idea.
he circled around your clit, watching as you revealed in it, his fingers being thicker than yours, making the sensation all the more intense.Â
âjoel,â you repeated his name, voice wavering in breathy gasps, his fingers rolling the sensitive button of yours. he slipped a finger inside you, eyes peering up and watching as your back rose just a little, hips pressuring downward and further onto his finger, taking him all in.Â
âso soft,â he murmured, lowering himself to press a kiss to your hip. he rolled his hips into the mattress, trying ease the pressure building up beneath his jeans.Â
he was too turned on, this young pretty girl heâs had his eye on for a year was sprawled in his bed, soft and soaked cunt all ready and pliable just for him and him alone.Â
he could die a happy man.Â
his lips encircled your clit, tongue drawing around it while he pressed into a familiar spongy spot within you.Â
you sucked in a sharp gasp, the sweet sound turning into a high pitched whine. âplease,â you sobbed, hands flying down to keep his head in place.Â
he fucked you with his fingers, curling right up against the spot that was making you dizzy, his tongue and lips working perfectly on your little clit.Â
tears flowed down your face and on his pillow, your hand coming up to your mouth trying to lessen the volume of your cries.Â
âj-joel, please i,â unable to formulate any sentences, you just gave up, giving in to your moans.Â
the way you squeezed around his fingers, sucking him with greed and need, made him wonder how thatâd feel around his cock when heâd get to finally shove it in you.Â
he growled at the thought, sucking hard around your clit. you whimpered, pushing down onto his tongue more.Â
âsâtoo much, i cant, i,â your head rolled around his pillow, his scent, his touch, his tongue suffocating you in the most heavenly way possible.Â
you squirmed in his hold, unable to escape his grip, unable to escape the way his tongue pressed flat and hard up on your clit. his beard brushed up against your thighs, pulling a giggly moan from you.Â
âperfect little pussy,â he grunted, kissing your clit before dragging his tongue slowly, up and down languidly.Â
he rested his forearm over your lower tummy, pressing hard and feeling the corner of his lips perk at the way you gasped, shuddering loudly and trembling in his mouth at the action.Â
âjoel, i think iâmâooh,â you spoke tearfully, poor little throat already getting hoarse from crying out his name.Â
âfeels good huh baby,â that little twang in his deep voice curled off his words just right. all you could do was whimper a shaky sogood joel sâgood.Â
his finger pressed up against that spot inside you, his tongue on your clit being the sweetest cherry on top of the tooth rotting sundae.Â
you were cumming, hiccuping his name unashamedly. your plush thighs coming around to cage him in, to which he paid no mind to, if anything it excited him, his rough hands gripping your ass and pulling you deeper into his mouth.Â
the wind up deep inside you finally released, flickering flashes of burning hot lights spread across your limbs, slowly fizzling out as you went limp in his bed.Â
he didnât let up however, his tongue grown addicted to the way your perfect clit felt on the wet muscle.Â
you whimpered, struggling to push him away from your cunt. it was just too good and he hadnât had enough yet.Â
âjoel n-no more sâtoo much,â you pleaded weakly, and he took slight pity, pressing one last kiss before rising back up to you.Â
he pressed his fingers to your lips, groaning quietly with approval at the way you took them in with no verbal orders needed.Â
you were so good for him, his sweet little girl.Â
he pulled them out, resting on your plump bottom lip before moving it out the way to kiss you. you moaned deeply into his mouth, bringing your arms around him, hands traveling up to his hair.Â
his salt and peppered hair felt soft, weaved through your gentle fingers. you lightly tugged on it, feeling mischief in your veins at the ministration. he growled, biting down on your lip and laughing as you yelped.Â
he held your jaw, pressing hard kisses all along your face, speaking stilly, his inflection so deep, so masculine, so old and wise, had you hypnotized, his words that were reserved for your ears only, were something youâd cradle to yourself forever.Â
âtold myself i wouldnât crack, i wouldnât have you like this, youâre too young, you donât know what you want, but fuck,â he dragged his fingers up your folds, chuckling to himself at the way you whimpered, curling into his touch immediately.Â
ânow that i got you, âfraid i canât let you go sweetheart. iâm a selfish man at heart.â he admitted, kissing your jaw. you just about exploded in that moment. you had no idea he felt the same for you as you did him, and it was the most powerful, enlightening feeling youâve ever felt.Â
âiâm selfish too,â you whispered back, puckering your lips to kiss him. âdidnât let anyone else touch me but you. just wanted you,â you looked up at him from under your eyelashes, unaware to how that little admission made the precum collecting at his tip leak out even more.Â
his grasp on your hip tightened, squeezing it as he buried his face in your neck. âfuck baby, gonna give this old man a heart attack sayinâ things like that.âÂ
your shaky hands went for his belt, tugging on it with need. âwant you joel, please?â you begged, lips pressed to his ear. he didnât need to be begged any more, he undid his belt with one hand, pulling it off his waist, letting it join the pile of your discarded jeans and boots.Â
before he could take himself out, your hands found themselves under his flannel, desperate and anxious to see what heâs been concealing away from you. âoff, please,â and he wanted to say no, feeling not as proud in his physique as he once was about 20 years ago.Â
ânothin special to see baby,â he countered and you shook your head. âitâs you. itâs special to me.â you suspired airily, already feeling your tummy get tight at the thought of him hovering above you, shirtless.Â
he took in a deep breath, letting you unbutton his flannel.Â
you undid each button, trying your best to not rip them clean off despite your rushing efforts. you slid it off his body, exhaling in awe at the sight in front of you.Â
you sucked on your bottom lip, hands traveling across his broad shoulders, fingers tracing his collarbones, dragging around the scarred areas from past wounds, admiring the few freckles on his chest that trail up to his shoulders.Â
he watched you, never having felt so admired before. âenjoyinâ yourself baby?â he teased, his thumb rubbing over your chin.Â
âmhm,â you nodded, not caring how it looked to be gawking at him.Â
you could feel the muscle from the layer of life and age over his stomach, your eyes then falling to the bulge of his biceps, instantly growing obsessed, squeezing at the muscles.Â
âyouâre so beautiful joel.â you spoke with such true sincerity and he tittered quietly, shaking his head. âthank you baby,âÂ
your wandering hands finally fell to his jeans, undoing the button and zipper, eager to see what else heâd been keeping away from you.Â
he let you, more than ready to feel your touch in the place he craved the most. he was tired of having to fuck his calloused fist, trying hard to pretend it was your cute hand touching him.Â
you pulled him out, feeling your jaw go slack at the length of it all. âjesus joel,â you swallowed hard, steadily jerking him off, feeling slightly unsure if youâre doing it right. you were telling the truth, when you said youâd never let anyone touch you, too hopelessly in love with joel to even imagine allowing anyone to see you in the way heâs got you.Â
he grunted, unintentionally bucking his hips into the tunnel of your hand. he was thick, heavy in your clutch, veins running along the side of it, his tip round and fat, almost red with droplets of precum leaking out.Â
âgonna show you what those little boys could never give you,â he promised, and you believed him, gazing at the way he reluctantly pulled away from your hold, knowing if he let you stroke him any longer heâd cum all over your hand.Â
he circled your clit with the head of his cock, shuddering a semblance of a breathy moan at the sensation. âgonna be a bit of a stretch baby, tell me if itâs too much okay? iâll try to go slow.â he kissed his promises of gentleness into your temple.Â
he inched in, hands around either side of your head, foreheads pushed together while your mouth fell open, sucking in all the air in the room. the stretch was very unfamiliar, but not unwelcomed.
you held onto his shoulders for support, grasping onto them tightly, pretty plump trembling lips crying out moans that would replay in joelâs head on lonely nights. you felt fuller than you ever have before joel was even fully inside you.Â
he was nudging up against spots in you that you had no idea could feel so good, and if he angled his hips any higher, the fat head of his cock would be kissing your cervix.Â
âcan barely fit myself in yaâ baby,â he groaned, head falling from your forehead to bury itself in your neck, kissing your hot skin to try to calm him down before he lost control and rammed himself inside you.Â
your calves rested on his hips, whimpering while trying to lift yourself up in an attempt to get him to push himself further in.Â
âmore joel, please?â your pleas were accompanied by sponged kisses just below his ear. âgonna take it all for me baby?â he questioned you, inching in just that much deeper, and you shut your eyes, nails already beginning to crescent themselves in his back. âmhm, gonna take it all,â you swore, more than eager to have him fully within you, as close as could be.Â
he jutted his hips in, knocking the wind out of you. you bit down on his shoulder, whining a drool filled mess with the way he started to fuck you, rough hardened hands molding softly around the curves of your waist.Â
he was bathing in the way your little cunt took him in, squeezing around him so good just like he knew you would. he took his time, rocking into you in and out, holding your shaking body close to him.Â
you could feel every ridge and vein in you, hooked onto the way he filled you up, stretching you beyond belief, making you bounce upward with every movement.Â
his hands slid down over the smooth skin of your thighs, widening them further open before pushing them up, growing impatient, achingly hungry to be deeper in you. you struggled for air at his fast actions, eyes immediately rolling back at the way he began to fuck into you.Â
âcanât help myself, mâsorry baby, pussyâs too good, shit,â a gruff sigh of relief leaving his mouth at the way you took him in. you didnât care, you were thrilled to take whatever he gave you, and however hard he saw fit.Â
âfeels sâgood, feel so full,â you cried, translucent tears free falling, the aggressive pistons of his hips causing your swollen clit to ache, begging to be touched.Â
âfeel me right here huh baby?â he rubbed over the bulge in your tummy and you squealed, wriggling away from the overwhelming stimulation. âha,â you strung out, arching up into him.Â
âyeah, you do,â he taunted breathlessly, loving how you were a wreck beneath him. âin so deep joel,â you mumbled against his shoulder and he kissed your hair, nodding knowingly. âi know babygirl but youâre takin me so well,â he praised, feeling so proud of his sweet girl taking his cock like a pro.Â
ânever gonna let anyone see you like this?â he pressed deep there, corners of his lips curling when you weep, squeezing at his biceps. ânever gonna let anyone have you like this?â you shook your head, sobbing a string of no joel no, never, just you.
âperfect, tight fuckinâ cunt is all for me, aint sharinâ with no one,â he held you by the back of your thighs even further, stressing how serious he was, set on fucking himself into your soaked hole until there was a permanent shape of him within you. a shape no man could ever fit into.Â
sobs of uncontrollable pleasure were the only thing you could feel in your veins, pumping your blood full of dopamine. his balls tightened, hitting the fullness of your ass, and he let himself grow sporadic, let himself take you. his fingers found your desperate clit, chuckling to himself when you croon tearfully, thanking him pathetically for touching you.Â
âcan i cum, please?â your requests only made him twitch inside you, his sweet girl was so polite. âgo ahead baby, let it out,â he leaned down to kiss you, swallowing up your moans and cries.Â
your body jerked under him, the tight vice of your cunt gripping onto him while he rubbed over your clit, pulling out the second wave of an orgasm from you.Â
you broke apart from his lips, still just a breadth of a gasp away from them, brushing up against the ghost of a kiss as you pressed your forehead to his, sobbing his name while your body trembled from how hard you were cumming. Â
âshit,â he slammed a hand against the wall above your head, shoving himself impossibly further in you, your legs shaking on either side of him. âgood fuckinâ girl, squeezing me so goddamn good,â he fucked you through your orgasm, kneading over your breasts, groping at them and pinching at your pebbling nipples.Â
you fell limp, letting yourself drown in the unraveling lengths of your climax.Â
âgonna cum baby, where dâyou want it?â he asked, feeling his lower stomach start to tighten up. âinside, wanna feel all of you,â you whined, kissing all along his shoulder and collarbones, messy and ravenous.Â
his face fell to the crook of your neck, biting down on your soft flesh when he came, impaling you once, twice, ending it with one last hard thrust as he came in you, pumping you full of his cum.Â
he didn't feel himself soften inside you, but with each of the passing minutes he decided heâd better pull out then or else heâd never leave. you winced from the removal, arms coming around to hold him with a clinginess.
he collapsed on top of you, and you sighed contently, the full weight of him resting on you couldâve honestly sent you into the deepest nap youâd ever have. Â
you felt his cock, still hardened on your thigh. with sleepy eyes you looked up at him, lips on his stubbly jaw when you spoke. "you're still hard," you murmured. his fingers drew up and down your spine, and you shivered, arching yourself into him.
"that's okay, it'll go down soon." his throat got tight when he felt you wrap your hand around him once more. "we don't...have to ignore it." you trailed off, bitten lips pressing delicate kisses laced with ulterior motives into his tanned skin.
you wanted joel to use you as many times as he wanted to, a new compulsion flowing rampantly in your veins. now that you had finally gotten a taste of joel, you wanted to gorge yourself on him.
"you sure you can take it?" he asked through a hushed breath of arousal. you nodded, kissing at his lips with need.
he didn't need to be told twice, he repositioned you, letting you fall back onto his pillow with him hovering above you. he rolled you onto your stomach, holding you by your hip to lift you just enough for him to shove his flannel right against your cunt.
his rough palms encased your ass, groping at the thick flesh. he dipped down, spreading your ass and watching as his cum poured out of you. he groaned quietly to himself. you whimpered, turning to look over your shoulder as joel pushed his fingers inside, shoving his cum back into you. your chin dropped, face falling back into his pillow when he pumped his fingers inside you, chuckling darkly to himself at the way your ass squirmed against him.
every little swivel your hips made was met with friction from his flannel on your clit. the hem of it just so happened to be pressed right there. he slapped his cock over on your ass, exhaling loudly at the way it jiggled from his actions.
he aligned himself once more with your little hole, pushing himself in with ease due to the slick left from a mixture of his cum and yours. you whined, hands flying backward, desperate for any solace from his hands in yours. he held your wrists at the small of your back with one hand, the other supporting his weight to lean forward when he pushed himself all the way inside you. you cried out, his name falling out of your mouth like a mantra, your legs trembling beneath him.
he was in you so much deeper this way, stretching you out more than you thought he already could. his hips snapped up against your ass, fully within you and hitting every single tingly spot inside you along the way.
you were already out of breath, your lungs and brain vacant of anything except for him, for joel. "feel you in my tummy," you hiccuped, tilting your head to look at him through teary eyes. he breathed out a lazy, cocky laugh, moving forward to kiss your forehead, unintentionally shoving his cock in even deeper, feeling a sense of pride at the way you gasped and whimpered at the deep intrusion.
"i know huh baby?" he chuckled in your ear, and you shivered, feeling your face grow warm from how flustered he made you feel. he was so dirty, any filters he once had were gone, the tight grip your cunt had on his cock made him downright ruthless.
he pressed his hands at your lower back, letting yours fall free to cling onto his sheets. he held you down that way, fucking into you with a newfound source of energy, his grey hairs falling over his forehead, sweat glistening over the ripples of muscles along his biceps and abdomen, his whole being going into pounding himself into you.
he wanted you to be so full of him that everyone would know it just by looking at you. the possessiveness he tried to suppress for so long had come out, and he wasn't sure if he could go back to hiding it again. but that wasn't on his mind, not when you were clenching around him, sobbing his name loud enough for everyone outside to hear.
his grunting fell to your ears, it was near pornographic, including the way you bounced with each and every thrust of his, just watching it made his chest get tight.
he needed you closer.
he pulled you back up from under your arms, keeping you flush against his chest while he continued fucking you. you were growing limp, body worn out from the rigor he put you through. but he held onto you, keeping you in his arms. his arm went under your tits, a sneaky hand coming up and groping at one, pinching at the nipple.
he buried his face in your neck, filling your ear with the low growl of his groans. "such a good girl, letting me fuck you like this, but i think you like it, and you know what else?," he drew in a heavy breath, "i think you like being fucked like a little ragdoll," you couldn't answer, he was right, but you could hardly focus on any words, his cock rendering you a teary eyed moaning mess.
"can't even respond when spoken to," he slowed the roll of his hips, hitting you in deep and slow, letting you hear him instead of the loud wet rhythm of your cunt being fucked into. "that's okay, i'll still take care of you," he chuckled, returning back to his rough pace.
"so good, make me feel so good joel," you managed to finally cry out in a series of strewn moans. his fingers trailed themselves down to your clit, rubbing in tight little circles. " i know baby, cum for me, show me how good i make you feel."
you wriggled around in his hold, your third orgasm of the night was thick in heft, a heavy wave of intense stimulation clearing your vision and leaving a white glittering hue instead. you felt joel everywhere, from the way he was buried in your cunt, to the way his hips were clasped over the curve of your ass, fitting into you like a puzzle piece.
the fervent circles being drawn over your clit was the thing that pushed you over, your head falling backward onto his shoulder, his turn to be serenaded by a string of your pretty moans. "good babygirl, did so good for me." he cooed in your ear, pressing a kiss behind it. "thank you," you meekly replied in a breathless voice.
you were the weakest you've ever felt, your poor spent body still being held upright as joel chased down his own orgasm. "gonna let me cum in you again baby? want more of it?" he panted in your ears. "please, want it joel, please,"
he gripped onto your hips, feeling his own stutter, before he pushed in deeply, stilling inside as he came in thick ropes. he finally softened, slowly pulling out of you. you winced again at the loss, feeling suddenly cold and empty. you collapsed on his bed, reaching out for him.
he laid beside you, pulling your leg up and over his waist, running a hand up the expanse of your thigh. your eyes fell shut tiredly, enjoying the comfortable sound of the two of you trying to catch your breaths.
a part of you was worried he was going to break the silence, afraid he'd call the whole thing a mistake, and lecture you on how he isn't the type of man who does relationships. you knew all of that, you just hoped he wouldn't say it and just let you soak in the moment.
almost nervously, his hand came to dance across your cheekbone softly, wanting to memorize the way your skin felt to his. "do you regret that?" he murmured and you opened your eyes, shocked at the question.
you leaned into his hand, curling your own over his. "no, never joel, why would you ask that?"
he sighed, scooting closer to you. "I'm not a good man, sweetheart, i'm giving you a chance to leave." he spoke above an octave of silence. you frowned, shaking your head. "i don't care about anything that you've done in the past or what you'll do in the future. i just...want to be here, with you, in any way you'll let me." you admitted, wishing you could say the one thing you've been harboring for a year, but you knew you needed to keep that to yourself just a little longer.
"if i had a bigger conscious i wouldn't let you," his hands pulled you into the hold of his arm that came over your waist. "lucky for me then that you're not the good man you claim to be." you whispered, the scent of coffee on your breath enveloping his senses, and in that moment, he had a realization.
he thought about how nice, how domestic it would be to wake up and share a cup of coffee with you every morning, before you had to face the day, at least you could share a moment of peace together.
"yeah," a trace of a smile grew over his lips. "you're right. i'm not." he rolled on top of you, cupping your cheeks in his large palms. "you're makin' an unwise choice little girl," a quiet rumble rested on your lips.
your arms came around his shoulders and you sighed a half laugh. "i know. i don't care."
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal joel miller#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#the last of us hbo#the last of us smut
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grumpy reader and sunshine mick pls <33
a/n: this is long overdue so i am so sorry anon - but i rlly enjoyed writing this. micks always a sunshine and so fluffy to write it makes my heart warm. i hope you do end up seeing this. it's a really quick 1k drabble so would recommend if youre looking for some short fluff â€ïž.
ps. i have a good amount of mick requests - i cannot promise i will do all but i am planning to release a few more ! xx
enjoy!
âCome on baby,â Thereâs a mix of desperation in Mickâs tone, dragging his words as his lips pull into a pout. His hand goes to rest on your leg, thumb gently tapping at your knee before heâs coming closer to you. His face comes into your view, and despite you trying to look away Mickâs body follows your gaze, making sure that your eyes are on him.Â
âWhat?â You grumble out, looking away from your boyfriend once again as you look up to the ceiling instead, letting out a tired sigh. The only thing your brain was focused on was the weird pull you felt in your muscles and the way your back tightened at every single movement you made.Â
You were tired and frustrated, having felt betrayed once again by your body as you did every single month. What annoyed you this time though is that it came onto you by surprise, almost a whole week early and perfectly aligned with the beach getaway Mick and you had planned for the weekend.Â
Despite the annoyed look on your face, your boyfriend doesnât seem phased, simply poking at your side in hopes to be able to catch your attention. âWe can still have fun this weekend baby,â Mick says, leaning close to give your lips a peck and as annoyed as you were you still find yourself leaning into the peck, pouting as soon as Mick pulls away.Â
âI wanted to go swim in the beach, and to tan a little bit, now Iâm gonna be worried about bleeding.â You sigh, shifting a bit just to feel a sharp pain pierce your back. You let out a tired and exhausted whine and thatâs enough for Mick to roll his eyes and get up.Â
âThatâs it. Youâre coming with me.â He says as he extends both his hands towards you before giving you an expectant look. You refuse to get up, simply shaking your head before crossing your arms over your chest. You just wanted to mope on the couch. Mick lets it slide, but only for ten seconds. Soon after, he grabs your hands and despite your best efforts he pulls you up before wrapping his arm around your waist.Â
Without hesitation he lifts you up, struggling a bit before he has you over his shoulder. Youâre squirming, already flailing your limbs around in an attempt to get Mick to let you go. âThis is ridiculous!â You argue, demanding him to put you down but he doesnât listen. Instead, he carries you back to the bedroom before settling you into bed.Â
âI could have gotten into bed by myself.â You huff, confused as to why your boyfriend felt the need to carry you. Mick can see it on your face, the way you purse your lips ready to argue with him but he shakes his head.Â
âNo,â he says, holding his hand out to stop you from even starting. It was amazing how patient he was with you, already accustomed to your antics. âYou lay down, put a movie on, a show, or whatever- and Iâll make you tea and get you your water bag okay?â Mick says, already knowing your usual go to remedies.
You look at him, suddenly a bit embarrassed with how good the offer sounded but you put your pride aside when you give him a nod. âThat sounds good.â You murmur just as Mick hands you the remote to the TV. You fiddle a bit with the buttons, sighing softly when Mick leaves you with a gentle kiss on the forehead before going to the kitchen as promised.Â
You curl up a bit in bed as you open Netflix, browsing the different shows that they had before going to the movies.Â
Comedy, horror, documentaries, science fiction, you think to yourself as you look over the different options. Nothing seems too interesting, making you let out a sigh again as you try to stretch a bit still, still unaccepting of the tension coming from your body.Â
By the time Mick comes back youâre still staring at the different options, only this time youâre laying down on your side, holding your stomach as you tried your best to ignore the pain that was slowly growing stronger.Â
âHave you made a choice yet baby?â Mick asks, already setting down your cup of tea on the bedside table before heâs crawling back next to you. You shake your head just as his hand gently takes hold of yours before heâs pulling it to give your knuckles a gentle kiss.
He only lets go to hand you the hot water bag he had warmed up, shifting to sit next to you before heâs taking the remote. âHow about we watch some Keeping Up?â Mick asks, already closing Netflix.Â
âKeeping up? You donât even like it.â You say, taken so off guard that you momentarily forget about the little prickles you could feel, traveling down from your stomach.Â
âI donât hate it,â Mick argues, already putting on the show and your eyes shift a bit to the TV, just as you pull the water bag to your stomach. The warmth of the bag already helps ease your cramps and you canât help but let out a soft sigh of relief.Â
âHere, sit up.â He says, gently rubbing over your side as you scoot forward on the bed. Mick gently encourages you to shift forward even more. Youâre confused at first, not understanding why you had to sit so low on the bed but Mick is already settling to sit behind you without question. His hand gently slips under your shirt to gently rub at your back which only sends a shiver down your spine.Â
âShh, relax. Youâll feel better soon hm?â Mick says, his hands slowly beginning to apply pressure. You canât help the soft groan that leaves your body, already relaxing a bit more as Mick gently rubs into one of the knots in your back.Â
âThis, feels really good.â You sigh out, hugging the water bag closer to your stomach as Mick shifts closer.Â
You can feel his breath gently tickling your neck and soon enough his lips are gently peppering kisses onto your skin. âThank youâ you murmur, too stubborn to say it very loudly. âIâm sorry for being in a bad mood.â You apologize, extremely thankful for how patient Mick was.Â
Mick simply smiles and shakes his head, âHey, no worries. I know what I signed up for.â He teases, quickly stealing a peck from your lips before you could give him another complaint.
fin
requests are: open <3
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#mick schumacher#mick x reader#mick schumacher x reader#formula one x reader#formula one x you#mick schumacher one shot#mick schumacher fluff#mick schumacher imagine#mick schumacher fanfic#mick schumacher x you#vamossainz55 reqs#extra short drabble#mick drabble
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Do you think you can do a headcannon w/. Monster trio with a s/o who has OCD? I'm OCD , and I know (just for me idk how other people react to theirs ) before I fall asleep , I have to recheck the locks on my doors , or check if the burners are off on my stove. Usually if I don't check atleast three times , I won't be able to sleep. Sometimes I try to fight it off, but I end up just checking because it literally drives me nuts! But yeah , a s/o like that, maybe they wake up in the middle of the night and see that their s/o isn't in bed , and went out to go looking for them ? Thank you! I love your writing , I love that's its diverse , and I'm always going back to your page to see if you have any new uploads. Thank you for your time and effort you put into your writings! Xxx Big fan !!
Of course! I myself have no experience with OCD so I hope I got this right! And tysm! I canât even begin to express how much it means to to hear that! Iâm so glad youâre enjoying my writing :) đ«¶đŸđ«¶đŸ
Monster Trio with a S/O who has OCD
Fluff, G/N!reader, the boys being supportive
Luffy
He doesnât really notice at first
But when he does he's pretty blunt about asking you about it
He means well of course, just needs to be educated
Heâs a bit confused at first, but after you talk it over with him he couldn't be more supportive!
Might pout a little that you didnât tell him at first but he gets over that pretty quick
Has enough sense to realize it mightâve been a little hard to open up about
Every night he goes with you and chats about whatever comes to mind while you do your routines
And if you prefer to be alone heâd be right in yâallâs room waiting on you
Is like your own personal reminder-whether you need him to be or not
Will roll over and be like: âY/N, donât you need to go check the stuff?â
Even if you two are separated for whatever reason, his mind will drift over to you whenever that time rolls around and wonders if youâre still keeping up with your routine
If youâre ever feeling down heâs immediately stretching his face every which way trying to make you laugh and feel better
And if thatâs not the type of support you need heâll buckle down and get serious in order to console you
Will be there for you as much as humanly possible and then some
Zoro
Is one of the most observant people on board so he notices pretty quickly
Doesnât say anything about it at first, just kinda deems it as a random habit of yours
Until he realizes you're doing it every night. Almost as if you need to do it
Thinks about what could the reasoning could be for hours on end before he finally decides to ask you about it
Follows shortly after you when you head into the kitchen and nearly gives you a heart attack in the process
âY/N.â When you whirl around to face him heâs leaning over by the door giving you that knowing stare of his. âWhat are you doing?â
Is quiet while you explain it to him but thatâs mainly because heâs super deep in thought
If he seems a bit annoyed please donât think it's towards you. Heâs more than frustrated with himself that he didnât put two and two together and wasnât there for you in all the times he couldâve been
Is a bit awkward in trying to offer help (but thatâs mainly because he has the emotional availability of a rock), but he genuinely wants to help however he can
Even asks Chopper about what he could do to help you out
As much as he loves getting some sleep, heâs more than willing to stay up and wait for you
Has your routine more downpacked then you almost
Like he actually has a timeframe for the time it takes you to make your rounds. And trust and believe if youâre taking longer than usual heâs up and looking for you to see if anythingâs wrong
Remember what I said about that emotional availability? Yeah..Zoro isnât too good with sensitive talks (he tries, though) but if thereâs days where everything feels like too much and you need him to listen or just simply be there, heâs right where you need him
Sanji
Has like a 6th sense for when people are in the kitchen when theyâre not supposed to be so he finds out fairly quick. Especially when he wakes up and sees youâre not in bed
Is more concerned than curious when he asks whatâs keeping you up
Once you tell him, heâs immediately ready to be at your service
âOh, my love, how could I have been so blind? Tell me what you need and your prince will provide!â
If you donât really need anything physical from him thatâs fine too
Now if you need him to be there for you mentally and/or emotionally heâs right there by your side
Encourages you to come to him no matter what. He never wants you feel alone or like you canât do so
Is very good at consoling people and never hesitates to offer soothing words or simply just a shoulder to lean on
Goes above and beyond and tries to do his own research. Just like Zoro, heâll even ask Chopper for advice as well
Makes sure to leave the kitchen unlocked for as long as you need it open
Will also stay up and wait for you, even if you tell him he doesnât need to
Once you get back into bed heâll whisper all sorts of reassuring and sweet nothings to you before one of you falls asleep
To him, youâre in this together and any sort of helping hand you need heâll lend
#one piece fanfiction#vinsmoke sanji#roronoa zoro#monkey d. luffy#x reader#sanji x reader#zoro x reader#luffy x reader#sanji imagine#zoro imagine#luffy imagine
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